
Loading summary
A
You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by mmpguns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories this President's Day.
B
If you're shopping for a new truck, suv, electric vehicle, or crossover, you owe it to yourself to check out your Valley Chevy dealers during the President's Day sales event. Live life bigger in a Traverse or the roomy and dependable tracks where versatility meets agility, or the Silverado or Colorado trucks that fit your lifestyle. Don't miss your chance to drive yours away this President's Day. See your Valley Chevy dealers or visit valleychevy.com for the President's Day sales event going on now. Together. Let's drive.
A
Hey, it's Brett Vesely, and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?
C
Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one. Tell him not to put himself at risk and come into MMP Guns where he'll get a fair offer and he can rest easy knowing it's not getting into the wrong hands.
A
Okay, but what if he lives out of state?
C
Easy legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it all online. It's really that simple.
A
There you have it. MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms.
D
Do not listen to this while driving.
A
Or when full alertness is needed.
E
The rest of homework's morning sickness. This is the big red radio.
D
Yesterday I'm hanging around the house. Got nothing going on by myself on the couch and a little tired, but not too tired. Maybe I could take a nap, maybe I could drop out. But one thing we all know as men, taking a nap is assisted with a nice yank, right? You give a yank before I told you my tale a few months ago when I got caught on the couch for the very first time in forever. I've never been caught. So there I am throwing porn up on the big tv. Windows are cracked, you know, got the blinds a little bit open. Nobody's wandering around the cul de sac. Totally safe. I've done this before and I've always thought maybe the mailman can see and he's my only real concern, but he'd have to do some peeping. So I got the horn that I finally settled on, the one I was gonna go with. You know, the search was kinda like, I'm Familiar with this one or that Brazilian girl rides hard POV with cream pies. The title of the video that was title of what I had gone with. I like the Brazilian girl's clothes. A quick scan of the highlights. When you bump the little video before you actually choose it, it shows you the seven or eight different things you might be seeing. We all know what's going on here. You gotta thumb through that beginning when you actually hit play and somebody goes, are you beating your meat again? The ad we've all seen.
A
Four seconds.
D
And then Brett's with me. Brady, Absolutely. This is all information for you.
F
Take notes. It's like YouTube when you're watching a video.
D
No, it's nothing. Like, you can skip the ad, but very rarely on YouTube, the ad starts with, are you beating your meat again? I seem to get that one every time. They guilt me at first. So there I am. I start to unbuckle and pull down the drawers a little bit, take one leg out. Because I can't do restrained knees in this situation. A leg's gotta be loose, you know, you never know. You're throw it over the back of the couch or just start walking around. So she's out there, the Brazilian lady, doing her POV thing. And so far, so good. It's working. And. And I see shadows. I'm in mid throw shadows on the porch. And I'm like, mailman. And then a knock on the door. A sm. You know, it's a. Just a knock on the door.
E
Oh, wait, I'm sorry.
D
No, doorbell don't happen. Knock on the door. And I'm like, oh, he's knocking on the door. I'm gonna let that go. I don't answer the door for any. That keeps going mid throw shadows in the window now. And I'm like, what the hell is going on? So I poke my head up over the edge of the couch, and there's a police car out in the cul de sac. And there's a cop walking away from the window. And those shadows in the window was the cop throwing his face up against the window. I'm like, is this illegal? What are we seeing here? Go outside, pull everything back up. Point the. You know, in the waistband. Yeah, gotta put it in the way. Brett knows. Of course I put it in the waistband to keep it up. So you don't, A, you don't make trickles. And B, it's not just sticking on you. Brett knows. You put it in the waistband. That's exactly what I did. My jeans a little low and I buttoned over the top of them, tighten the mask, hold my shirt down, over. And I. Luckily it was a. A T shirt hoodie, so it had pockets and I could put my hands in it and drink. Good Lord, Brett. It's like you've lived it.
F
You guys are danger whackers.
D
And I open the door thinking, there's trouble in River City. You know, there's cops banging on doors now. What, is there a gas leak or something? The Brazilian lady's on pause on the big screen. And there I am, and Ben is climbing back in his car. What's up, Holberg? I'm like, hey, Ben. Nothing. I just wanted to pop by and say hey. And I'm like, oh, good. Good to see you. And I'm just waiting for him to go, got you jerking off. Nope. I'll tell you this. I'd rather get caught ten times over again by parents, wives, friends than a police officer in uniform standing in my window and my. I'm threading the needle, you know? What are you doing?
A
I bet he feels the exact same way, though.
D
That's probably why he didn't say anything. I don't think he saw anything. But then when he. When he left, we had a nice little chat. I got my hands in my pockets. I'm covering up. Still aroused enough to stay in the waistband. I'm so glad you understand me. I'm poked through. Although the guys come back and you can't poke it down. No. Because then you'll have all that, you know, disturbing color start to show up on your leg and your pant leg. And so you get. The Lucian islands start to show up. So you got to keep. And then at the end, Ben says something that kind of made me think. He knows he's hearing this for the first time, unless he knew and just kept it to himself. We joke, and he go, that's good to see you again. And I'm like, thanks. He goes, you're looking pretty stacked, kid. And I go, oh, no. Oh, no. Does he. He knows. He saw it. He saw my pathetic body in mid throw through the window dressed as a copper. So I'm reporting him for wasting city resources and time banging on my door. Isn't there criminals out there that you should be looking for rather than beating down my door? Ben?
F
Peeping Ben.
D
Yeah, peeping police. I. I would like to report a peeping policeman, but the Brazilian girl. I couldn't go back to it.
E
I had to.
D
I had to stop. I didn't find a new one. I worked out Instead, at least it.
A
Wasn'T Rico Blaze that showed up at your house.
E
Rico starts rolling. Hey, I heard there was a party going on here. And a one man party it is.
D
I was taken aback by the police car. There's something in your body that turns you into a nine year old. That you think you've done everything you've ever done wrong in your life. When you're erect, half naked, and you peek out the window and the cops are there.
F
It's like a movie.
D
You think it is over. Like they found something you don't even remember doing. We're gonna have to take you in. There's Rico.
E
We'll have to bring you into the station here. The police came before you. Rico Blaze.
D
I heard you had a Brazilian girl's.
E
POV with a cream pie. All right, I brought my camera player.
D
Now let's see that beast you got. Is that it?
E
That's what you carry? All right, Rico Blaze is moving on.
F
Yeah, so Rico's here with a pack of smokes and a 40.
D
Yeah, y' all done. Worst part is.
E
All right, it's time for a little cleanup there, cracker. God damn, you do have a thick ass for a man.
D
Those Mack Weldons.
E
If you turn around, I don't know that I wouldn't know you as a fat white woman.
D
So there's. But then when I went to the car and then everything's just crossed through my mind too, that my police officer friend caught me. I'm not sure he saw anything because I've gone outside to measure what you'd have to do to see the porn on the 90 inch television through the window. Through the plantation shutter. I've actually gone out and like. All right, how close would you have to. You would actually have to go, you know, face to window and then be looking for it. And you'd still like. If you went face to window, you'd see it. But he did. So, I mean, I'm pretty sure.
F
I just. I mean, that's not the best wackatorium setup you got there.
D
It's a perfect wacatorium because you're.
F
You set up that way so you can see anyone that's coming around there.
D
So, yeah, you got windows. And I can see when a car's reflection goes into the driveway. That's mostly what I'm concerned with. Mailman seeing me beat off. I can't imagine what mailman walk into on a regular basis. Nobody goes up to my door, only the mailman. Occasionally the Amazon dude. But they're in such a hurry, they don't care. I mean, you see that Brazilian ass up there? If it. If it was that obvious. But it's hard to see in the windows unless you put your face up against them. Well, Ben did.
A
I think it's just bro code. You catch your boy and it's like you just act like it didn't happen because neither one of you want to admit, you know, what was just going on.
D
He had a dude in the car with him. Not a criminal. He wasn't driving criminals around. Hang on. I stop off and make fun of a guy. He had another. Another policeman with him. And that dude was laughing so hard before I got to the car. So all my insecurities are like, oh, no, no. And they're like, hey, guys. And I. And once I realized it was him, I'm like, I shouldn't have come outside. I should have acted like I wasn't home. But, no. So thanks a lot, Ben. Well done.
E
Detective Holmberg's morning sickness.
D
Hear the words you say sometimes.
B
I mean, who talks like that?
E
98 kill you PD it's Brady for.
F
Game Day Men's Health, the valley's largest men's health clinic with 12 locations. You should schedule a complimentary appointment today. Go to gamedaymenshealth.com Every location has a cool man cave environment. You'll sit down with a board certified medical director and figure out what treatments that can help you. They have an on site lab and you will know what your testosterone level is. During your first meeting, do what thousands of Phoenix area men are doing by going to gamedaymen's health.com and schedule your complimentary appointment. You got to get back in the game with Game Day Men's Health.
G
This is Michael with Restore My Civil Rights. I made a lot of poor decisions in my past that had lifelong consequences. After I was released from prison for the last time in 2014, I discovered the process to have my convictions dismissed and all of my rights restored, including my Second Amendment rights. Since achieving this for myself in 2018, our attorney has assisted over 3,000 others in doing the same. If you are still living under the consequences of past mistakes and would like to restore your rights as I have, visit restoremycivilrights.com and book a free consultation today.
E
Holmberg's morning sickness.
A
It wasn't RICO in the car though, right?
D
No, it was a white cat. They all know RICO though.
E
Why don't we go by your homework friend's house and take a look at what videos he's searching Out.
D
Let me recommend at Dick Em Deep.
E
Because that's where you're gonna see all the law in action.
D
Rico slaves making. Wasn't Rico. What? Not Rico. Blaze slaves. Wow. Rico's play is a different guy. I follow. I like Rico slave better.
E
He's awesome.
D
He's captured. He's in a hot box. It's pretty awesome.
E
You call that a hot box? Watch this.
D
Yeah. Anyway, so I apologize to the local law enforcement for this accident yesterday, but. Ah, you ruined it.
A
You gonna try again today?
D
I do it every day.
A
No, I mean back to. Back to Brazilian there.
D
Oh, yeah, Just wrecked. Oh, no, no, no. She's. No, this is the song.
F
Let's go revisit.
D
She's good. She's good stuff. I was. And the debate was there's a two people. What are they called? Lustful couple. And they. They. They make love regularly. But the dude's starting to watch himself on the TV too much and kind of makes. It's off putting that he turns and you can tell he's watching himself and not the girl. She's like kind of an everyday girl. And he's. He's just kind of this ripped stallion. I kind of like watching them. But yesterday was just the Brazilian pov. And I'm not a cream pie fella. I like an oatmeal cream pie. That's as far as. I'll take that. I don't stick around for that ending. Usually I'm out by then. But I gotta be careful with volume and all that. It's a big system, you know. So are you beating your meat again? Has to be real low, so I make sure that the volume's way low. And then I get it up midway through. And then, you know, start the process.
A
Play the game that millions of others.
E
Are playing right now.
D
You won't last one minute. Brett and I know. Brady, you can go. Brett and I are gonna have a show. I'm curious. What is that for? And you feel like, you know, every. Every one of your friends knows that ad. Play the game that everyone's playing. You won't last one minute. Try not to to this. You won't last one minute. We all know there's dudes in their car right now probably watching. Let me see if I can pull it up on my phone. Oh, you can get. How are you doing that around our firewall? Your own.
A
Yeah.
D
Rogue. I see. So anyway, Officer Ben, I apologize if you saw anything you shouldn't have seen, but you're a cop. He probably walked in on worse I.
F
Get that similar ad on a cooking thing with this Adam let you make. It won't last one minute.
D
Well, no, and also the same thing. You'll in under one minute if you watch this video. So what are you gonna do? Ben is so small. I didn't see anything. He just texted me. Well, that's not. Stop it. Son of a bitch. That's police brutality. Right? And then a bunch of laughy face emojis. And then the puke one in the newest sex simulator games. This is a different one. This is the same one. I remember that one. Is that chatterbait? Which one is this one? That one pops up all the time and then you. And then you go to hit skip ad and you accidentally hit the video and you're on the ad. Dammit. You gotta backtrack. It's so relatable. And nobody talks about it. I just hate that. Are you beating your meat again? Don't judge me on pornhub. Of course I am. Don't chastise me with the first thing I hear. Play the game. Play the game. That is so great. Oh, my God. So anyway, to the law enforcement of Phoenix and Ben and thank you for your protection. Yeah, thanks for, you know, having a slow day yesterday. Let's go over HB house. Bang on the door. And there it was. And so I just went in and I just embarrassingly went full. You know, I'll just go work. I gotta get rid of this energy and it's not gonna work again. I'm paranoid.
F
You didn't seek hot tonal instructor.
D
No hot tonal instructor. That beats the char out of me. All the tonal instructors that even, like, they're all so incredibly ripped, they just make you feel bad for looking at it.
A
And don't, John, don't forget the chatterbait. Pop up. You gotta close.
D
Oh, that's the chatterbait one is the one that bothers me all the time because it's so sensitive. If you accidentally bump that, like, you can barely get static electricity if you get too close to that chatterbait. Oh, yeah. Trying to make it big screen during the chatter. Forget it. You're going to chatterbait. And I don't even know what that is. But then I get the. And then the next thing I get is you've been infected with four viruses. I'm like the phone or me. I mean, how are you guys working this? I'm only worried about one of those two things. And then you just X out of those and go back to your Brazilian oatmeal. Little Debbie moment.
E
Yeah.
D
You're missing out on all this stuff, Brady. You can't even have conversations like, look at Brett and I are bond over the waistband thing that all guys do if you're lucky enough. I can't imagine like a micro peen what they have to do because you can't go waistband with that. Your pants would be half dead.
A
Well, then you don't really have to worry about it.
D
Yeah, but you still make the dots.
A
Oh, that's true. Yeah.
D
It's not cool.
E
Anyway.
D
Anyway. Sorry, Brittany. I didn't mean to exclude you from the chat.
F
Hey, look, I'm okay.
D
Yeah, it is.
F
It's the process, you know, I'm learning from it.
D
Yeah, you'll. You'll figure it out. One of these times you're gonna just hit it up. And you know, throwing it up on the big screen is. You know, that air drop thing is one of the greatest. Just hit that.
F
And what I learned, it's just not where. I mean, there's too much on the line.
D
What do you mean?
F
If someone that was knocking on the door, looking in the window was a member of my family.
D
Oh, you. Would you die.
A
You know him, he invites everybody.
F
That would be an all time.
D
He's got a screen door. He's the only guy in Arizona with a screen door. So he keeps the door open. That's true. You have too much of an open door policy to go throwing her around, so you have to keep.
F
It's in a vault.
D
Yeah. If your daughter caught you, that'd be bad.
F
That's what I'm saying.
D
Ronnie caught you.
E
A big whoop.
F
Yeah.
D
Get over it. Yeah. And basically you'd have to say it's your fault I'm doing this and just turn the tables.
F
We can do something about this.
D
If you were better at your job, I wouldn't have to do this in.
E
The middle of the day.
D
That'll go over well. Yeah. Oh, it's not going to go over well. But that just eliminates the embarrassment and starts a new fight, which you have to do at that point just to make sure you deal with the situation. Yeah. If this didn't suck so bad, I wouldn't have to do this.
E
Oh, why?
D
I'm sorry. That was. I was lashing out out of embarrassment. I don't mean that.
E
But yeah, it's true.
D
There's part of it that's like, I'm.
E
Just gonna get this out of the.
D
Way and have a nap. I just wanted a nap. I don't want that thing floating around. Go right to sleep. I wasn't that tired, but I was tired enough that I could get a couple hours. And I knew I had the 8 o' clock sunscape. Gonna bleed into the. I was gonna be, you know, 11 o'. Clock, probably be. So just, you know.
E
Well, if that.
D
You know, I didn't. Cops ruined it. The cops came. It was so sexy. The cops came.
E
All right.
D
I like Rico Blaze. I wish he would have shown up. I actually kind of wish it was a real cop. That would have been even better.
E
Your friend detective said that there was some action going on in here that was unfavorable and unsavory to the eye.
D
I brought my tripod. I don't see a tripod.
E
You haven't seen it yet? All my equipment is in my drawers. You call that the stroke, young man?
C
Mm.
D
I've seen better strokes on an 80.
E
Year old woman in ICU.
F
That's his nightstick.
E
Let's rough up this with my night stick. What do you say?
D
Leaving bruises, Rico.
E
Yeah, so it was. I'm embarrassed.
D
Phoenix's finest has seen that. Ben's fault. Don't go peeping in people's windows. Who do I complain to? Who's the supervisor? I need to talk to AI Rico. Yeah, that's the AI guy. I'd like to make a complaint.
C
Oh.
E
What did you see?
D
Well, it's not what I saw. There was a police officer peeping in my window.
F
Go on.
D
No, no, it wasn't good.
E
What did this officer see?
D
Well, my pants were down. Yes, go on. I just gave Rico Blaze a new concept for his next video too. He's now got a plot. It's out of control now. Hey, it's John and Brett from the morning sickness. And the nightmare of the holidays are behind us. And now it's time to treat yourself. The perfect time to fresh start everything with a new system Quality car stere. Upgrade your ride with better sound, smarter tech and service you can trust.
A
Whether it's CarPlay, Android audio, backup cameras, security systems, window tint, or premium audio for your cars, boats, motorcycles or UTVs. This year, drive smarter and safer with quality car stereo. Quality car stereo in Mesa at the corner of Sauceman and Baseline. Make sure you check them out online at Quality car stereo A dot com. It's Brett Vesley from Holberg's Morning Sickness. I don't know about you, but I got tons of stuff going on in my life. And of course the yard seems to get neglected. So I figured I need to get some help. So I hit up Divine Landscaping. They come out every other week and take care of everything I don't have time to do, and quite frankly, the stuff I don't want to do. As a matter of fact, they're coming out next week to plant a lime tree at the house. Lawn care, irrigation tree work, low voltage lighting, 3D designs, patios, driveways, you name it. For the most part, Divine Design Landscaping can do it. Get a free quote at divinedesignlawncare. Com.
Episode Title: Midday Whack Interrupted By Police At John's House Reminds Of Steps To Take Care Your Whack Session Is Private
Podcast: Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona (98KUPD)
Date: February 17, 2026
In this candid and comedic episode, John Holmberg recounts a hilariously mortifying incident where his midday "private time" at home is dramatically interrupted by a surprise visit from a police officer friend. The crew riff on the importance (and pitfalls) of keeping these moments private, swap stories about relatable close calls, and deliver signature banter filled with sarcasm, self-deprecation, and boundary-pushing humor.
[01:20] John Sets the Scene
[02:44] The Disruption
[05:25] The Awkward Encounter
[06:40] Post-Encounter Fallout
[09:15] Window Setup & Paranoia
[09:15] The Unspoken Agreement
[11:54] Running Jokes About Adult Content
[13:03-14:00] Navigation & Ad Mishaps
[16:09] The Male Camaraderie
[16:51] Family Catches vs. Police Catches
John on How Paranoia Feels:
“There's something in your body that turns you into a nine-year-old. That you think you've done everything you've ever done wrong in your life. When you're erect, half naked, and you peek out the window and the cops are there.” [06:00]
Ben’s “Compliment” that Hints at Knowledge:
“You're looking pretty stacked, kid.” – Ben (as recounted by John) [06:33]
(John interprets this as possibly alluding to what Ben saw through the window.)
On Porn Site Ads:
“It’s so relatable. And nobody talks about it. I just hate that ‘are you beating your meat again?’ Don’t judge me on Pornhub. Of course I am. Don’t chastise me with the first thing I hear.” – John [13:52]
Relatability of Close Calls:
“I can't imagine what mailmen walk in on on a regular basis. Nobody goes up to my door, only the mailman. Occasionally the Amazon dude. But they're in such a hurry, they don't care.” – John [08:47]
The episode is true to the edgy, irreverent, and openly male humor of the Holmberg’s Morning Sickness show. The crew are self-deprecating and quick to exaggerate for comedic effect, but touch on genuinely relatable moments of embarrassment, social norms (“bro code”), and the unspoken rituals men share.
This episode delivers a rollicking look at the hazards of private time gone public—especially when “public” is a uniformed officer at your window. John’s embarrassment sets the stage for classic HMS banter on guy code, the realities of digital distractions, and how men everywhere navigate the high-wire act of solo pleasure at home. Listeners will find themselves laughing, cringing, and likely remembering a close call of their own.