02-17-26 - Seeing Stories On 4 Columbian Kids Who Survived 40 Days After Plane Crash Makes Us Realize Our Kids Couldn't Last An Hour - BO

Summary

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Holmberg’s Morning Sickness - Arizona

Episode Air Date: February 17, 2026
Main Theme:
The crew discusses the incredible survival story of four Colombian children who lasted 40 days in the jungle after a plane crash, reflecting on whether American kids—or even adults—could endure similar circumstances. The conversation highlights generational shifts in resilience and self-sufficiency, with plenty of trademark ribbing, dark humor, and real-life anecdotes.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Colombian Kids’ Jungle Survival Story (01:09–03:19)

• John Holmberg introduces the extraordinary fate of four children (aged 13, 9, 4, and 1) who survived alone for 40 days after a plane crash in the Colombian jungle. Their mother lived for four days post-crash and eventually urged them to leave and survive.
• The oldest, a 13-year-old, led the group, caring for a baby and young siblings, foraging water off leaves, surviving with little food.
• Reflection: John marvels at their resilience and contrasts it with the perceived "softness" of American children due to helicopter parenting, emphasizing how survival situations demonstrate hidden capabilities.

"I'm pretty sure your kids are more capable than you're giving them credit for. It's nuts what they could do if they were left to their own." – John Holmberg (01:55)

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2. Childhood Independence: Then & Now (03:19–06:19)

• John reminisces about being 13 and getting left at Fiesta Mall by accident, panicking and feeling helpless despite considering himself self-sufficient at the time.
• The story is used to draw a contrast with the Colombian children: American kids panic and lack basic crisis problem-solving skills when realities diverge from plans.
• Humor: John jokes he’d have “eaten the one-year-old” if stuck with a baby for 2 hours out of hunger and desperation.

"Had that gone on another 45 minutes, I would have died. I would have needed to run over in the park because I was just panicking." – John Holmberg (04:43)

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3. American Kids’ Survival Skills (06:19–10:12)

• The team laments modern kids’ dependence on technology (phones, DoorDash, apps) and lack of outdoor/survival experience.
• John, Brady, and Brett riff on the joke of dropping American kids in the woods for a weekend—placing bets on how long they'd last, mostly assuming they’d be banging on the door within an hour.
• The decline in childhood independence is also attributed to shifts in parenting norms—e.g., banning backpacks, the "mom line" at school pickups.

"None of your kids out there are capable at age 13. If they don't have Chick Fil A or the app for their phone...they’re not foraging." – John Holmberg (06:45)

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4. Indigenous Know-how vs. Modern Helplessness (15:30–16:47)

• The crew learns the Colombian kids were from an indigenous tribe, familiar with edible plants and jungle basics, which John admits puts the story in essential context.
• Still, the difference prompts discussion about how U.S. kids would fare in similar circumstances—unfavorably.

"They knew basics about the fruits, which ones were good to eat, and about how to live in the jungle already. Because our kids would be completely effed." – Brett Vesely (15:30)

• Self-awareness: Admitting their own biases, the hosts joke about their own ignorant assumptions of what "indigenous" means.

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5. Race, Class, and Survival: Satire & Dark Humor (17:03–21:00)

• John, with his signature edge, launches a tongue-in-cheek ranking of which American children (by race and background) would have the best odds surviving a crash. He puts "white kids" dead last, with only Mormon Scouts having a slim chance due to Boy Scout skills.
• Dark Humor: Jokes about “eating the baby” and “parting it out by Sunday” surface repeatedly, underscoring their disbelief in modern kids' survival grit.

"No way a family of white kids crashes...they'd find four dead little white kids." – John Holmberg (21:04)

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6. Parenting, Spoiled Kids, & Generational Change (22:19–23:38)

• John relates stories of friends' children (including a Sudanese immigrant’s daughter, referencing "Lost Boys" experiences) who, despite parents’ tough backgrounds, are becoming just as spoiled by American comforts.
• Contrast between past and present: “American kids make me sick. Daddy, Daddy, where's my food?”

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7. The Reality of Disaster Prep—And Adult Softness (32:49–37:43)

• The hosts expand the critique to themselves, admitting they’ve grown “soft” too. Jokes about stockpiling water, sterilizing pool water, and eating “the barrel” (i.e., giving up) abound.
• The futility of prepping is discussed—if survival comes to 90 days of boiling pool water, John wants out.

"If for the next 90 days you're gonna have to sterilize your pool and drink that water, maybe even your own piss—what happened to the country? Why are we doing this? ... Never mind. It ain't coming back." – John Holmberg (34:01)

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8. Survival Pop Culture & Parenting Advice (24:44–29:47)

• Multiple riffs on upcoming movie adaptations (i.e., focus should be rescuers, not kids, to avoid “too many acting kids”).
• John & Brady reminisce about being left in cars at grocery stores as kids, contrasting further with modern safety paranoia.
• Advice (tongue in cheek and real): Put your kids in the backyard and see how they do. It’s summer—test their mettle.

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9. Closing: Societal Softness & The Future (31:28–33:46)

• The hosts mourn the "marshmallow kids" who represent the future, fearing America is raising a generation unfit for adversity.
• Discussion of how societal expectations and comfort have eroded resilience, occasionally with resignation.

"You raised a ton of—who's gonna whip our ass someday and we'll be sad about it. What happened? Colombia." – John Holmberg (30:44)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On American Kids' Survival:
  “I'm gonna fanduel the over under on two dead ones. There's. There's two dead ones by Sunday.” – John Holmberg (08:34)
• On Self-Sufficiency:
  “If I wasn't on fire or bleeding to death… If I was bleeding to death because I did something stupid, it was on me to figure that out.” – John Holmberg (26:01)
• On Modern Parenting:
  “It has to be about the rescue workers. It can't be about the kids. Same as that... the lost soccer kids. They didn't focus too much on the kids in the cave because they had to have too many acting kids. And that ruins a movie.” – John Holmberg (23:39)
• On Generational Change:
  “If a plane crashed and they lived through it, we'd never know because all you find is the corpse of them trying to...my kind of cell service. I don't know what to do.” – John Holmberg (21:04)

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Key Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment Description | |-------------|----------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:09–03:19 | Introduction to the Colombian children’s survival story | | 03:19–06:19 | John’s childhood anecdote—Fiesta Mall panic | | 06:19–10:12 | Debate: Could American kids survive? Technology dependence, mock bets | | 15:30–16:47 | Revelation: The kids’ indigenous background and discussion of biases | | 17:03–21:00 | Satire: “Which American kids have the best chance?” | | 22:19–23:38 | Past immigrants’ kids going soft, generational differences | | 24:44–29:47 | Pop culture, reminiscence—left in cars, modern safety paranoia | | 32:49–37:43 | Disaster prepping, adult “softness,” giving up vs. fighting to survive |

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Language & Tone

The show is marked by blunt humor, dark satire, self-awareness, and friendly ribbing among the hosts. The discussion is punchy, irreverent, but ultimately uses hyperbole to highlight genuine societal changes and anxieties about youth resilience and capability.

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Summary for First-Time Listeners

This episode uses the astonishing real story of Colombian child survivors to roast American parenting, reminisce about past freedoms, and skewer generational softness—with laughs, honesty, and edge. The hosts suggest it’s not just the kids who couldn’t hack the wild—it’s the grownups too. Through jokes, personal tales, and wild hypotheticals, the show shines a harsh but comic light on how much has changed in attitudes toward independence, hardship, and survival.

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Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

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[John Holmberg]

The rest of homework's morning sickness. This is the big red radio and then the big story. I've been reading about those four kids that survived that plane crash down there in Columbia, which is just 40 days in the jungle. The plane crashed. They're starting to leak some details. Last night I saw one where the dad of one of the kids, now they were 13, nine, four, four and one all. And they, the plane crashed 40 something, 46 days ago now. And they found him like last Thursday living in the jungle, still alive, still. Okay. And the dad was talking to the news and said the mom lived in the plane. She survived for like four days. And they stayed with her. And then she's like, go, just go survive. 13 year old was the oldest one, taking care of a baby and a four year old and a nine year old. They made it. They made it 40 days in the jungle. They had a bottle, that's it. And they were walking around like collecting water off the leaves and stuff to get the bottle so they could go. They weren't eating much. They weren't Doing anything. And I start thinking to myself here in the States, I think maybe our kids are more capable than we're giving them credit. I think all this helicoptering or my baby can't be alone or I got to pick him up at the elementary school in that 4 million mom line, as I like to call it, at 3 o' clock every day because your kids aren't allowed to walk home. I'm pretty sure your kids are more capable than you're giving them credit for. It's nuts what they could do if they were left to their own. You know, I always talk to kids.

[Brady]

But you have some, I mean those kids had to have some have camped before, something like that.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay, but still in their bedroom on a PlayStation tour.

[Brady]

You take, you take some of these kids over in the woods.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's another thing. Parents aren't putting their kids in any sort of peril whatsoever.

[Brady]

Training.

[John Holmberg]

There's. But you don't train your 13 year old to raise a 1 year old for 40 days in the jungle.

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe a weekend, maybe in Colombia. But I mean, you know, there's no, I mean there's no amount of excuses. We, we got some soft little over here in the United States that, you know, you could.

[Brady]

Not only that. Yeah. I mean it's all the way. Kids and adults that have never even look.

[John Holmberg]

When I was 13, one of my core horrifying memories was John Stevens and I went to Fiesta Mall. 13 years old. I know for a fact that's how old I was. I think I just turned 13. Went to Fiesta Mall. John lived in a place called the Park Place. Houses over off Longmore and Baseline area, not too far from Fiesta Mall. So his folks were picking us up. I was under the understanding my mom was coming to get me. So when John Stevens mom showed up, and actually it was his dad that day showed up, I said no, my mom's coming to get me. Thank you. And he said, do you want us to wait? And I'm like, I'm fine. She'll be. And I saw an Oldsmobile 98 Regency broham rolling up white. And I said, there she is, we're good. And Mr. Stevens drove away. And that was not my mom. Coming up in the. It was just a replica car of the Oldsmobile 98.

[Brady]

Same one.

[John Holmberg]

That's not my mom's car. So I just sat there and an hour later I'm on Longmore Road. Cars are honking at me because I'm standing in the middle of the road trying to go over to Fuddruckers to use the phone. And then I freak the F out, run back through traffic crying my eyes out, where's my mom? Don't know how to make any contact with anyone. I was supposed to be picked up at three. At five o' clock I'm under the stair. Remember that staircase at Dillard's? It's where I tried to share my first kiss. It's a staircase. I laid there. I'd been missing for an hour and 10 minutes.

[Brady]

You were 13.

[John Holmberg]

I was 13. I was a mess. I almost got hit by a car. I didn't know where my mom was. I was worried she was dead. I knew I was gonna get killed because I wasn't home when I was supposed to be. My dad was. No, he was, he wasn't tolerant of the excuse. So it turned out my mom thought Mr. Stevens was gonna take me home and I thought she was coming to get me. So she's sitting there at work minding her own. Keep in mind my mom's work was less than a mile from Fiesta Mall. But I didn't, didn't walk over there, didn't. I sat for two hours under a stair. I have a feeling had that gone on another 45 minutes, I would have died. I would have needed to run over in the park because I was just panicking. I didn't go to the crosswalk, I just started running out on the Longmore. Where's my mom? 13. And I was a pretty self sufficient 13 year old. But when things went wrong, I had no capabilities, none. Like everything had to be in order. I didn't have, I had a panic button or I had everything's okay. I didn't have a let's reason moment as a 13 year old boy. Lost my mind because I blew it in my head. I'm like, oh, I should have been in the car with the Stevens. These kids went 40 days. That's now give me a one year old to take care of for those two hours. I want to know more. I'd have eaten the one year old. The one year old would have been because I would have been worried about sustenance. I had no money in my pocket so I just started stealing inside the Dillards or Sears or whatever.

[Brady]

Did they have the ability of, you know, to create fire or did they have a lighter?

[John Holmberg]

I'm just, I have no clue how.

[Brady]

They figured it out because you know, if it's 46 days and it's on nothing but water, that's. They were straight 40 number one.

[John Holmberg]

I mean like one year old for.

[Brady]

The one year old.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. The, the 40 days that they were in the jungle.

[Brett Vesely]

Had to have known.

[John Holmberg]

Is crash defying. They picked stuff up off the ground. I wouldn't have known.

[Brady]

That's what I'm saying. I'm wondering if they and, and, and.

[John Holmberg]

None of your kids out there are capable at age 13. If they don't have Chick Fil A or the app for their phone to get points for Chick Fil A. They're not foraging. Our kids are too soft. We need to dump them off in the woods. No more camp or you know, sewing class or whatever. You take Kirby into the woods and just.

[Kirby]

All right, see you Friday.

[John Holmberg]

And just survive it. And then they be a little more self sufficient. Like every one of them so soft they won't even. I remember when I lived in Arcadia 15 years ago and they passed a rule that if you saw a kid with a backpack to report him. Why? Because the parents weren't allowed to have backpacks on their kids for a while because it's bad for their spines. So every kid was walking around like they had a flight to catch in these roller bags.

[Brady]

That's changed.

[John Holmberg]

They're back on backpacks. Oh man.

[Brady]

And they're good loading them up.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And it's fashion now. So it made. But for a while there it was like, oh, these poor little. Some crazy Arcadia mom lost her mind because her kid had scoliosis and she blamed the backpack. So then all the kids had to go with backpacks. And then you see a kid with a backpack and he looks like he's struggling. Definitely call Kiva Elementary. So I'm like, nobody's going to do that. God forbid. You got stuck in that line of Every kid is abductible at 245 because every. Not one mom ever trusted another mom. They all sat in the same 60 car line to pick up one kid at a time. Screwed up the traffic for hours. These kids, meanwhile, out in the jungle of Columbia.

[Brady]

The weekend, you know, bottom line weekend for anyone right now as far as here. You're out in the woods for the weekend.

[John Holmberg]

Good luck. Take Kirby, a 9 year old, a 3 year old and a 1 year old. Put them in the backyard, tell them they can't come inside for 40.

[Brett Vesely]

No phones, no playst, no nothing.

[Brady]

All the water you want.

[Brett Vesely]

No iPads.

[John Holmberg]

I bet I'm gonna put some money on this. I'm gonna fanduel the over under on two dead ones. There's. There's two dead ones by Sunday. If it's a marathon.

[Brady]

Roll on a spit over the fire.

[John Holmberg]

Kirby's learned from the best. She's gonna work. Yeah. You can't work the gas grill. How about that? You can't fire off the little button in the gas grill. You have to figure out how to make your own. Just in the backyard and I don't know, do you have fruit trees? You might have a fruit tree.

[Brady]

Yeah. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

There you go.

[Brady]

Lemon, lime.

[John Holmberg]

They could survive, But I guarantee they'd be banging on the door in an hour. This I don't like. Eating limes.

[Kirby]

No choice.

[John Holmberg]

You'd cave in a second. Seeing Kirby's little face up against the glass. The one year old is dead. Daddy, do we cook it or just go raw dog?

[Kirby]

Go raw dog on a curb of derby. Can't see her tar. She's in trouble.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody wants their kids to be missing for 40 days. But I look at your kid right now and think, could it survive 14 hours on its own? I'm putting most. Most of your kids. I'm putting money on. No, I got.

[Brady]

You know, if they had their phone.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, all they do is call you.

[Brady]

To say, come get 14 hours.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, they. They would call you to bother you. I was in Las Vegas with my friend, and his daughter wouldn't stop calling with like, where's the stupid salt?

[Brady]

What?

[John Holmberg]

Ask grandma. She's at the house. She's in a room. I don't know where you. I don't know where the salt is right now. I'm not. I'm hundreds of miles.

[Brady]

Cannot approach.

[John Holmberg]

This sucks. When are you guys coming home? Like, we'll be back out of hung up on the little basket. Good. But they call back, Brett. They don't stop.

[Brett Vesely]

Block the number for the weekend.

[John Holmberg]

You are helpless, Spam. And you know what's funny? If you hang out with people with kids, that phone rings every time they're not with their mommy or daddy. They got a question about something stupid.

[Brett Vesely]

That's why I don't hang out with people with kids.

[John Holmberg]

Order me some doordash. That was another thing we got.

[Brett Vesely]

Come on, bro.

[Commercial Announcer]

You.

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna order doordash. Like, don't order doordash. We loaded the fridge full. No, I'm getting doordash. Do you have any money in your account? No, you order it and send it. I'm hungry, bruh. We have to order her doordash. Or, you know, the problem is, is the damn phone made it. So the parents are like, just order it for her and she'll leave us alone. And they do we got your stupid Chick Fil? A now. Shut up.

[Brady]

Chick Fil?

[John Holmberg]

A. Guy's taking forever. Check where he is on your app. Stop calling us. Yeah, so 40 days. I gotta hand it to him. But I could also say, you know, maybe a few of you guys out there and I know there's some of you looking at your kids going, see, this is why I put you in the backyard for three days. Some of you are raising them right. Most of you are raising soft little pricks. I don't think any. I think it's pretty extraordinary. Any kid makes it 40 days in the jungle. But it made me think of our American softies and boy, we're loaded with it. And it's going to be a great movie too. A great. You got. But the problem's going to be you got to cast kids. They're gonna have some pretty amazing kids. Good kid actors got to come up out of nowhere and you can't. You're not casting any good American kid actors because they'd be too soft to try to understand the child they're playing. Maybe doll up some 20 year olds to make them look 13 and do it. But the dead mom after four days. So 36 days without an adult and the last thing that they. And when they came back, all they wanted was bread and rice pudding. Just some rice and some bread will be good. Like they knew they had menu order. And the cool part was. And I saw this and I didn't ever. I didn't see the follow through on this. There were search teams dropping food where they thought they might be from, like just dumping giant boxes of food onto the ground.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Hopefully they're fine. Yeah. Because you know they're on foot. There's a one year old. I know they're carrying that around. So they got, they got baggage. So they're kind of saying, you know the old Tommy Lee Jones, you know, three miles an hour. How far could they have gone?

[Brady]

Let's do some random drops.

[John Holmberg]

So every day it's like if they're just keep. But they'd have to do it in five or six directions. I don't know, I didn't. I haven't read if they got to the boxes yet. And again you crack that open in the jungle and suddenly a couple animals are out there going, there's some free food in the box just got cracked open. And there's a baby nearby.

[Brady]

And you know, let alone the plants. Like, you see berries, like, no, that one's poisonous.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Knowing the difference, who knows?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know any of that. I know that they probably ate a few bugs and I'd also keep that one year old baby around as I don't know what's in the jungle like tigers or something. Tiger or bear bait?

[Kirby]

Hear the words you say sometimes.

[Byron]

I mean who talks like that?

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[John Holmberg]

Morning Sickness second I said that baby would have come in handy if I was that 13 year old. That's the first thing I'm chucking at the animal that's trying to eat us. Then I'm looking at that four year old and going you better get speedy cuz you're the next meal. I I'm the oldest one. I'm gonna survive. Diapers, Diapers.

[Brady]

One year old.

[John Holmberg]

You're not changing diapers. You're lost in the jungle hauling Diapers. You went full American right there. You softened it up right there. Of course that's what they were doing. They were jungle people. Diapers.

[Brett Vesely]

Jeremy said, from what I read, the kids were an indigenous tribe. They knew basics about the fruits, which ones were good to eat, and about how to live in the jungle already. Because our kids would be completely effed.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, completely, yeah, yeah. You lose them in a safe way, they're not going to figure out how to eat. What I'm saying is American.

[Kirby]

There's a bear.

[Brady]

I'm going to go hug it.

[John Holmberg]

Dumb and soft. Don't they just start taking pictures of it?

[Kirby]

Look, it's eating the baby.

[John Holmberg]

Let's get a selfie.

[Kirby]

This is going to go so viral. We're going viral. That baby getting eaten by a bear.

[Brady]

I'm a jungle influencer.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they were. I did. I didn't realize that they had like jungle training. I don't know where they were flying. I don't know. Say that's my bigotry though, because I figure if you're indigenous, you don't have air travel at all. You just run around with a swath covering.

[Brett Vesely]

That's whitey thinking.

[John Holmberg]

That's. That's when I'm with you. When I heard indigenous, I'm like, they're indigenous and they're on a plane. Indigenous people travel, you idiot. But I did, I thought of a spear and like an immediate.

[Brady]

Yeah, they had loincloth.

[John Holmberg]

Loincloth. And Brady's thinking, you know, do they get a jungle book? That's what I'm thinking. Yeah. When I hear the word jungle and indigenous, mogwai comes to mind. Is that his name? I think. But yeah, I just. Brady worried about diapers and cleanliness. They're jungle.

[Brady]

What if I changed it up? That do the indigenous, then. Yeah, they're. No, they're living off the land. They probably were like, why did you pull us out after 46 days?

[John Holmberg]

No, they look.

[Brady]

We were fine, brah.

[John Holmberg]

They look horrible. And that's your American bigotry to assume they're jungle people.

[Kirby]

I'm sure they probably gained weight.

[Brady]

There's so much food out there.

[John Holmberg]

No 13 year old group is gonna do too well if they're thrown into a jungle.

[Brady]

That's the only ones that would be able to survive.

[John Holmberg]

Now here's the thing about the word indigenous. Look, they'd say that in other countries if four Indians smashed into a mountain here and got lost in the woods. They're indigenous to the area. I've met Indian kids too. They might Know a few things about corn or smashing some stuff into a rock and making food, but they're as soft as any other American kid out there. They're not doing too much special. I know natives I know you're getting.

[Brady]

I give them the advantage, though.

[John Holmberg]

Still, don't go all warrior on over an American white over indigenous Arcadians. All right, let's go bigotry. Full on. Rank them American kids by race. Who's got the best chance of surviving in a plane crash in the woods for 40 days? Whites are in last. There's. I'm just gonna start there. No way. No way. A family of white kids crashes and like, let's just put them up. They're tonto for it.

[Brady]

10 days max.

[John Holmberg]

I don't even know if they go that far. Ten's a hell of a rut. Again, like I said, Kirby's no iPhone. Kirby with four people in the back, a baby, a three year old and a nine year old. And Kirby in your backyard, unable to come in, unable to use the grill. How long until the baby's dead?

[Brady]

A day.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, maybe. And then they're parting out the baby for meals by Sunday night. And then when you check out my.

[Brady]

Monday supplies of some.

[John Holmberg]

No. Well, you got. You got a bottle.

[Brady]

She got lemon and limes and you got water.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that. You know what you're. You know what your kids would do?

[Brady]

You do have the bottle.

[John Holmberg]

You know what your kids would do? They'd guzzle the pool. They just start sucking chlorinated water down, and that baby would be dead in a day.

[Brady]

Well, if you're. I mean, unfortunately, you know, out in the wild, you don't have the. The stuff. You're gonna depend. You're gonna. You're gonna drink the water regardless.

[John Holmberg]

Sure. But I mean, they've got a pool, so you don't even have to worry about water. And they still would eat the baby by Sunday night if they. If they were lost. Friday at noon Sunday night, there's a baby fry because they're starving to death. Every American white kid, they wouldn't.

[Brady]

They wouldn't eat the baby.

[John Holmberg]

They'd eat the baby. The baby would be dead and they'd. Look, no. By Sunday night, if your kids had not eaten and they didn't have their chick fil a, that baby's the closest thing to chick fil a they've got. They're parting it out. No way.

[Byron]

You're.

[John Holmberg]

You're. No way. And you know what else would happen? You'd cave because of all the pounding on the door that they won't participate in this activity.

[Brady]

Kirby would know to eat lizards and scorpions.

[John Holmberg]

Would she? Yeah, because she's seen dad just forage out in the backyard for snack time.

[Brady]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

Seen the cat. You want to believe that, Kirby. See you got American dad disease.

[Kirby]

My little angel would figure it out.

[Brady]

She couldn't.

[John Holmberg]

No, whites are in the last place. Maybe they're sure. Maybe the reds are one and a Mexican probably second. They're pretty good. Yeah. I'm not putting the blacks too high on this one. I don't know. I don't think that. I don't think that helps. Like getting lost in the woods for four days a week.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, whitey's definitely last.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, whitey. Whitey's not. There's like such a gap between the top three and where white kids would end up.

[Brett Vesely]

Bro, I need my iPad.

[John Holmberg]

I'll be honest. I hate almost all white kids that I meet. And I don't know if that's because of the circles I run in.

[Brady]

The only ones that might be craft here are the. Are the mormon kids. How so they learn the crafts boy scouts. And they go through, you know, they.

[John Holmberg]

Do have to go through a lot of that.

[Brady]

So if.

[John Holmberg]

But at 13, are they capable of boy scouting? I guess so.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That's pretty good age for mormon. So let's hope that one of them boy scout and. And more than likely, if you lose four mormons in the woods, you're gonna find six. Because a couple of them are gonna procreate. They don't mind the boundaries of sister brother relations.

[Brady]

And you can identify them immediately.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah. Because the name tag and the glowing white shirts and their hair that's like a beaming from it. Yeah. Mormons would probably be, of all the whites, the most capable. I I meet. I meet your kids. I'm not impressed. I read stories like this and I'm like, this would never happen. They'd find four dead little white kids. If a plane crashed and they lived through it, we'd never know. There's probably been story after story where a little twin engine plane going up to our cabin in pine top smashes into the side of a mountain. And they might live for like a day or two, but we'd never know because all you find is the corpse of them trying to. My kind of cell service. I don't know what to do. I can't get chick fil a to doordash me in the middle of the superstitions. Yeah. Your kids are. Look at this story and just Go up and hit your kid. You're a little wasted, bitch. Put your. Put your PS5 controller down and your Chick Fil A and shut up. Don't call me for three days. And take that away from you.

[Brady]

Might be a good little add to education survival class. Use this as an example.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you incapable little pricks. Class 101. You see the kids in Columbia, you worthless blobs of carbon mass.

[Kirby]

Do they have Chick Fil A in the jungle?

[John Holmberg]

Stop talking about Chick Fil a.

[Brady]

Can I use my member number to charge it?

[John Holmberg]

Use my dad's card. I have access. You went a little American dad, though. Worrying about diapers and hygiene and stuff. They were pooping on the ground. Walking around with mud butt. They weren't wiping, just going. I talked to Jani about that all the time. Every time I'm around. Jani, the African that I'm friends with, that was one of the lost boys of the students, six years old, walked from the Sudan all the way to Kenya and then all the way back because he got kicked out of Kenya too. All the way back across the Sudan to Ethiopia. Had to go to both directions. His friends getting eaten by hyenas. They're drinking their own pee. And he always says, these American kids make me sick. Daddy, Daddy, where's my food?

[Brady]

That tune has changed.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he's. He's. He sees kids he hates.

[Brady]

He's in the club now.

[John Holmberg]

His daughter. It drives him nuts because he's spoiled rotten. You have no idea. You're not in the Sudan anymore, Daddy. You have no idea how easy your life is. Stop crying.

[Kirby]

We're going to Chick Fil A. I.

[John Holmberg]

Don'T know what's in Chick Fil A that makes kids lose it.

[Brady]

Love it.

[John Holmberg]

But they. That's all they want.

[Brady]

Happy Meals are an early drug too.

[John Holmberg]

For the kids.

[Brady]

For sure.

[John Holmberg]

That Chick Fil a thing. I think those lines are long just to keep kids quiet. You try to drive by a Chick fil A at 4 or 5, and it's like, oh, every one of the kids is having withdrawals. So the moms are out just to shut them up. I don't want to hear it. 40 days. I can't wait for the movie. Although it's going to be. It has to be about the rescue workers. It can't be about the kids. Same as that. Yeah, the lost soccer kids. They didn't focus too much on the kids in the cave because they had to have too many acting kids. And that ruins a movie. So you focused in on the people trying to rescue, which the rescue was phenomenal in that one. 13 or something like that.

[Brady]

Sleeping and drinking water when it was.

[John Holmberg]

When you could get it and dropping deuces. Oh, and that's. You got to keep that out of the water you're trying to drink.

[Brady]

Oh well the, the deuce dropping was about two days still. You had to do.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, they had to do it.

[Brady]

You don't eat right then.

[John Holmberg]

Then after a while you're just shooting diarrhea out every once in a while because you're drinking that tainted water. And they said that they went into that one room to, to dump the soccer kids. So it was just this little cave of feces that they had to live with for curry.

[Brady]

Just.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, I'd be with the American kids. Kill me. After a couple days I'm.

[John Holmberg]

I almost kind of. I almost like, I don't know that I have that survival instinct. Plane crashes and I open my eyes, I'm like, oh great, where are we? The jungle? Let me just see if I can close my eyes again and go away. I'm not, I'm not walking through that. And I don't know. And the mom said, you gotta get outta here. You gotta start searching. And I don't know. If I wouldn't just stick by the plane, I don't know how I'd handle it. But again, I was 13, I was pretty. I was more self sufficient than any kid today. And I lost my cork when mom didn't show up. Fiesta mall for an hour and 45 minutes crying by a set of stairs, thinking I was done. This is where I live now, so I might as well make a little hut and I'm digging holes.

[Brett Vesely]

You're like Tom Hanks and I'm moving into the airport and stuff or what?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I did. And I walked back into the Dillard's and I was too embarrassed to tell somebody, hey, I need to get a phone call to the house. I was just dumb. All I needed to do was go right back in that mall and say, hey, I gotta get somebody come pick me up. But because I blew it with Mr. Stevens car ride, I didn't want to call home and go, hey, I screwed up. I got to inconvenience you. You didn't do that to your parents when I was a kid. I'm sure Kirby calls you every time she needs something that was off limits for me. Figure it out. Click. I'm at work. Don't call me at work. If I called my dad at work. If I wasn't on fire or bleeding to death. And even then, if I was bleeding to death because I did something stupid, it was on me to figure that out. You're on fire.

[Kirby]

Yeah, dad, you gotta come get me.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not. Come pick up a kid who's on fire. It's gonna hurt me. Get in the pool.

[Kirby]

Oh, yeah, the pool. Oh, thanks, dad.

[John Holmberg]

Don't ever call me at work again. You just didn't bother them. The way that the phone rings off the hook now for kids, Homeburg's morning sickness.

[Kirby]

Hear the words you say sometimes.

[Byron]

I mean, who talks like that?

[John Holmberg]

98.

[Moshe Casher]

All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week downtown at Stand Up Live. Get out and see the comedy of Moshe Casher and the up and coming Ari Maddie. Up north at Desert Ridge, you'll get Josh Wolf and SNL's Tommy Brennan. And Eastside at the Tempe Improv. Don't miss the very funny Sam J. And more Josh Wolf. For the complete lineups and for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov do.

[John Holmberg]

It's John Holmberg here from the Morning Sickness for lifechangerloan.com I got a little note from Shane O', Grady, the head cheese over at Life Changer Loan. He said, this week three wonderful listeners all made the move to Life Changer Loan and each of them will be paying off their homes in under four years. That's right. And that's normal, too. So many people try to refinance. Go to lifechangerloan.com and see if it's right for you. Maybe you like paying debt off for 30 years and spending $200,000 extra in interest. I don't. I know a better way. And it's not magic, it's just math. Lifechangerloan.com Holmberg's morning sickness. I'm standing down there with Jill. Her kid's 18. Calls her nine times a day. I'm hungry. Calls her to say he's hungry. Little Russian kid.

[Brett Vesely]

Mom got the joker as a baby, huh?

[John Holmberg]

She's got little jokers. You're a very talented mother, but you're making a fool of yourself with this so called employment. Come home, feed the boy.

[Kirby]

Andrew, you're 18 years old now.

[John Holmberg]

Nice. Very cute. That's hilarious. Are you on your way now? While you try to give me some sort of lecture to come home to make sandwiches? I'm very, very hungry. I have to work at 5aman has a job to do. The woman needs to come home and make meals for the man, so he's got food in his belly.

[Kirby]

Andrew, don't call me at work.

[John Holmberg]

Every time you say work, I giggle because it's with a woman's voice, and women do not do that very well. Yeah, I. I don't get it, but yeah. And Kirby probably doesn't have to call because you're always with her.

[Brady]

She's pretty good at not calling too much. But when she calls, it's usually, what do you have planned for tomorrow?

[John Holmberg]

Well, she's setting you up.

[Brady]

What do you got? Because that's what she does. She's basically saying, oh, so and so we want to go to.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brady]

Santan Village.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, she's always got a ride.

[Brady]

You're around now she's to that age where a couple of her friends could drive.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, boy. Sweet.

[Brady]

Yeah. Is.

[John Holmberg]

That's awesome.

[Brady]

Sarah gonna pick you up or are you looking for daddy Uber?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, daddy Uber's a real thing. Anyway, take your soft kids out so that it's summertime. Take them outside. I mean, they do child neglect stuff. If you get left in a Safeway parking lot in the car for five months. That used to be my home. My mom went.

[Brady]

That was standard.

[John Holmberg]

The last thing my mother wanted to do was have my anchor ass dragging around behind her while she tried to shop for food for us. Stay in the car.

[Kirby]

I'll be right back.

[John Holmberg]

Come on, mom. 38 minutes.

[Brett Vesely]

Mom, can we get this? Can we get this?

[John Holmberg]

And she'd leave it running, which nowadays everybody lose their money.

[Kirby]

Oh, they're gonna steal your baby.

[Brady]

If something happened, you'd know what to do.

[John Holmberg]

Even the car running, Just the air conditioner would stay on.

[Brady]

Yeah, but I'm saying, like, what if someone came over?

[John Holmberg]

But there's the American thought that, of course, that this is just going to get rough. Nah. Never once did anybody even try to get in the car. There were probably six cars to choose from in the parking lot with other kids. I remember once I was sitting in the parking lot at Safeway and Alma school in Guadalupe. And I'm in the car, and I look over and there's Brian Rendall, one of my friends, and he's in his mom's car, and I'm like, hey, what's up, Brian? Sup?

[Commercial Announcer]

Cool.

[John Holmberg]

You're trapped in the car, too. Not allowed in. Me neither. And you know what we knew not to do? Get out. Start talking. We just rolled the window down and yelled at each other from three Spaces over. Hey, Tony, what's your name?

[Kirby]

Tony. You Tony, what's your name?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but we never got out of the car. Now if you see a car running and an 8 or a 12 or 13 year old sitting in it, it let me get the thing to breaks windows. Our kids are too soft. You got, you raised a ton of you know, who's gonna whip our ass someday and we'll be sad about it. Well, what happened? Colombia. Colombia is going to be tougher than cuz you raised these little soft peeps of children. Little marshmallow kids. God, I'm so glad I don't have any of those. You imagine today, marshmallow kids and their friends coming over and you got to look at all of them just going on the future.

[Brady]

And those kids. 46 days through the jungles of Colombia to battle the additional predator. Think thanks to Pablo Escobar, hippos.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, the stuff he added.

[Brady]

Now they're populated. 400 plus.

[John Holmberg]

You might have run into a hippo or two. Thanks to your, you know, leader of your nation.

[Brady]

Sipping some water on the.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no. A real hippo. Oh, okay. Oh, actually a sizable fightable hippo. Not Lizzo. You run into Lizzo in the jungle, you're screwed. You're done. You're getting eaten. He is just eating everything anyway. It's gonna be a good movie. But it really made me think about how incapable we've made our own. And that's why your kids live at home until they're 25. You treat them like they can't do anything until they're 18. I've got three or four friends with kids who are 17 or 18 years old and maybe, maybe one of those kids is self sufficient right now. 1, 1, oh, 18 year old kids are like 12. They're nowhere near like what we knew as 18, which is capable of living on their own. 8. Back when I was that age, that's how I feel. But it's true. I'll talk about it. I'm at the age now where I can look at your kids and go, whoa, you guys blew it.

[Brady]

I always think about it every now and then. No matter. I mean, always growing up, like what happened? It came down to this, like electricity goes out and all that Help prepared. Am I never really.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah.

[Brady]

Do I do anything about it?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, to be honest with you.

[Brett Vesely]

Do it tomorrow.

[John Holmberg]

I'll blame the kids and stuff, but I'm as soft as they are right now. If I don't have cable for a couple of days, my TV went Out. If the Internet went out at my house for two or three days again, I'd have to just go back to that game room. That's all I got. And that after a day, it'd be like, check the Internet again. Yeah, if it's. That would be pretty.

[Brady]

My emergency bucket. You know, like the water sterilizer.

[John Holmberg]

You got one of those.

[Brady]

90 day supply of food again.

[John Holmberg]

If I even have to. And this is me, though. I'm not fighting for water. I've lived too. I've lived too. Charmed a life.

[Brady]

Well, we've got a nice pool. Your pools, you know.

[John Holmberg]

Sure.

[Brady]

You just gotta sterilize it.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not gonna do that. If I crash in the woods and I'm walking around, that's one thing. But if I'm at home and there's something horrible is going on, if for 90 days I gotta make my pool water drinkable, I don't want to be part of this society.

[Brady]

You're going for the barrel.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I'm eating the barrel. I'm eating a load of barrel. Cause what's the point? Like that just. That basically means the entire nation give up.

[Kirby]

You still have friends.

[John Holmberg]

Eat it. F you. Yeah, so long, everybody. You. Yeah, I don't. If. If for the next 90 days you're gonna have to sterilize your pool and drink that water, maybe even your own piss. What happened to the country? Why are we doing this? It's a. Never mind. It ain't coming back. I'm not gonna sit and fight back and work an extra 10 years to return down. That's enough of that. That's end of ball game, everybody. Oh, we got 90 days. We gotta drink our own piss. Okay.

[Kirby]

Where you going?

[John Holmberg]

I'll be back in.

[Brady]

We were wrong. It was just three days.

[John Holmberg]

I don't care. Too late. You were worried about it being 90 days. That's enough to tell me that this thing is as fragile as thin ice.

[Kirby]

Don't give up. You still have friends.

[John Holmberg]

There goes John. Oh, the problem was solved. It was just a glitch in the Matrix.

[Brady]

Well, we've got meat for.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we can eat him for the next three months or so till America gets back on its feet. America's not getting back on its feet. If we've got a 90 day, work it out. That's why I don't understand those Mormons. They've got water for the next two years and buckets of beans and queso for 25 years. Like what has happened to where you live that you think that's gonna be a quarter of a century of need. Just in case, for the next quarter of a century, I'm gonna have to eat this garage queso that I ordered from Jim Bacon. It's a great idea. Oh, you know what I'm gonna eat? No. What's that? The barrel. There's no possible way.

[Brady]

A Remington queso?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Are you playing Kate Bush? Once you hear Kate Bush, you know that's it. And tonight, America mourns as the nation goes into its 90 day drought of food and drink. And there goes John Holmberg. We knew that would happen. Just on the announcement.

[Brady]

That's actually the report of the news that does that.

[John Holmberg]

And I for one, am not gonna fight back. Kate Bush. Take it away. That's right.

[Brett Vesely]

Griselda shows up in all the jungle.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Griselda would make it.

[Brady]

She'll be reporting the whole time.

[John Holmberg]

Everything about this song is great. Except Kate Bush. In fact, when she starts singing, I might do something drastic. His voice is perfect. Yeah, I. I'm not staying. You would do it. You'd fight. Idiot. You're worthless for a little bit. You're worthless to the future.

[Brady]

There's so much pool water to drink.

[John Holmberg]

What are you fighting for?

[Brady]

I don't know. Fighting from taking the barrel.

[John Holmberg]

That's a tough move. But there's that Kate Bushnell right in his throat.

[Kirby]

Don't give up. You're not me.

[John Holmberg]

You're depressing me. You're reminding me that I.

[Byron]

Again.

[John Holmberg]

Hand me that rifle. You crew world. We doubled up. Yeah, I don't. I don't have it.

[Brett Vesely]

You.

[John Holmberg]

Would you fight? I don't know.

[Brett Vesely]

Probably not.

[John Holmberg]

The announcement comes in. We got 90 days. We gotta figure out our own food and water. Like the water's been shut.

[Brady]

You wouldn't try it for a day or two?

[John Holmberg]

You know what, Brady? Go yourself. You know I'm gonna turn the gun on you. Quit bothering me about. Quit bothering me about survival and making it. We can do it. I'm outta here. I might shoot the. I might shoot the people. First thing I'd shoot is all the people with hope trying to get me, like, fired up about this.

[Kirby]

John, you still have friends.

[John Holmberg]

One less. Stop bugging me about this. You know, we saw how we behaved during COVID We couldn't even get along about masks. Now shut down the water supply. Tell me it's gonna be just as simple as drinking your pool water when you've got droves of assholes standing outside your fence trying to drink your pool too. You gotta start. You'd have To. I got the lead. I'll protect myself, bro. I'm shooting everybody in. Trying to drink my. Kirby, cover me. Yeah. Danny, I don't think this is right.

[Kirby]

Gotta protect the chlorinated water.

[John Holmberg]

Down, Mormon down.

[Kirby]

Hey, there's the new kslx.

[Byron]

Morning.

[Brett Vesely]

Down.

[John Holmberg]

Down.

[Kirby]

I didn't know they lived in Gilbert.

[John Holmberg]

I couldn't.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

This whole I'd fight. I'd pack out, bag and shut.

[Brady]

We're gonna train today.

[John Holmberg]

Good.

[Brady]

How quick can we pack up and get out of town?

[John Holmberg]

Again? Go yourself again. Starts o'. Clock. All you need to do is go Figure out when the announcement comes. You think you're gonna be clever and go.

[Byron]

We'll raid the Chick Fil A.

[Kirby]

That way Kirby will be happy for a couple weeks.

[John Holmberg]

And you'll go there and you'll see the 18,000 people that have the same idea. And just killing each other for that chicken.

[Brady]

Trying to get a week's worth of Chick fil A.

[John Holmberg]

90 days of no water supply. There'd be marauders everywhere trying to suck your pool within 48 hours. We're soft. Nobody would try to figure it out on their own. They try to steal what's there. Those Mormons are the dumbest ones. We've saved water in our garage. We got loads of it. In case things go wrong. All right. You're the first one I'm shooting in the face then. You got all the supplies.

[Brady]

55 gallon drum.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Good luck getting into our house, brother. You're not gonna shoot me. I know how to fool you.

[Brady]

Hi.

[John Holmberg]

Hi. I'd like to join the Church of Latter Day Saints. Come with us, brother. Kill your whole family, we just start.

[Brady]

Whacking you down with the whistle of a pipe.

[Brett Vesely]

Come.

[John Holmberg]

Sorry, Brother Cunningham, but this was necessary. This is a good cobbler. You wouldn't start bragging about the water you had. We've got supplies for over 25 years. It's out of control now. 98, can you PD it's John Holmberg here from the morning sickness. And it's time to talk about turfmonstersaz.com I have turf in my backyard. And the only regret I've got is that I did not do this sooner. I have turned my backyard into a playground. I got a putting green, I got a pitching green. I got a sport court. And I got loads of turf. I never have to worry about dying or looking bad or watering. You can do it too. If you can dream up a beautiful backyard. The gang over there at Turf Monsters can make it a reality. All you have to do is check them out. Turfmonstersaz.com Everybody loves the Toyota Tacoma.

[Larry McFeely]

This is Larry McFeely and even our very own Tripp Reeb just picked up a new Toyota Tacoma for his towing needs. Of course, he loves the fact that it provides over 450 foot pounds of torque, but you should have heard him raving about the giant 14 inch touchscreen and his favorite the removable JBL Bluetooth speaker you can pull right off of the dash to blast the 98k upd app. He's a Tacoma lover now, but how could he not be?

[Byron]

It's time for you to take a.

[Larry McFeely]

Look at the new Toyota Tacoma. Visit your Valley Toyota dealers or valleytoyotadealers.com Toyota let's go places.