02-18-26 - FULL SHOW - WEDNESDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

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Holmberg's Morning Sickness – Arizona's #1 Morning Radio Show

Episode: 02-18-26 - FULL SHOW - WEDNESDAY
Date: February 18, 2026
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo

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Overview

This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness delivers a classic blend of irreverent humor, raunchy banter, weird news, animal stories, and signature local flavor. With technical glitches sidelining the morning Brady Report early, the crew riffs on oddball current events, military news, pop culture, aging, bodily mishaps, celebrity gossip, and bizarre listener calls. True to form, the hosts drop plenty of lowbrow puns, crude jokes, and tongue-in-cheek social commentary, ensuring sustained energy and belly laughs. It’s a wild, unfiltered ride made for diehard fans and fresh listeners alike.

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Key Segments & Highlights

1. The Brady Report Rebooted: Optimus Prime in Uniform & War Oddities

Starts around 02:00

• Military has a real “Optimus Prime”:
  An Ohio National Guard soldier legally changed his name to Optimus Prime and is now being deployed – prompting jokes about the U.S. being “guaranteed to win” with a Transformer on their side.

  • Brady: “There’s a soldier from the Ohio National Guard. And his name is Optimus Prime…he just got called up for active duty. Optimus Prime is going to the Gulf to protect the world.” (02:15)
  • John: “If we can goof around and do stuff like that, this will be over by Sunday afternoon.” (03:04)

• Satirical Saddam Plans:
  Faux list of Saddam Hussein’s "top weekend plans," including "Duck," a cameo on "Iraqi Idol," and "book room on eighth level of hell," complete with over-the-top jokes about dictator dating ads.

• Wartime Absurdities:
  Coverage of British Navy’s beer rations and Kuwaiti moguls’ camel milk parties while bombs fall.

  • John: “Our guys can’t get toilet paper and the Brits have a bar…because they don’t have to do any fighting. They just follow us.” (04:31)
  • Brady: Details Kuwaiti businessmen partying with "jam sandwiches and warm camel milk." (04:41)

• Mocked War-Related Products:
  For $8, listeners can send a white flag or a plastic bag of “dog poopy” to embassies, or buy “Saddam Soap on a Rope,” with plenty of jokes about its intended uses.

  • John: “So you can rub Saddam’s face all over your groin while you’re cleaning yourself. You’re killing two birds with one stone right there.” (06:19)

2. Topical Gags & Oddball News

02:00–17:00

• Anti-War ‘Vomit-In’ in San Francisco:
  Protesters block traffic by vomiting in the streets to show opposition to the Iraq War. John jokes: “Round them up and send them over. They’ll be yakking over there, that’s for sure.” (07:07)

• Big Mac Addict Don Gorski:
  A man eats his 19,000th Big Mac after 32 years, totals including “594 lbs of cheese and 15 cows” (07:36)

• Wild Infidelity Story in Italy:
  Cops bust a man’s missing wife at a hotel in a compromising situation. John: “He was immediately hired by a professional baseball team.” (08:31)

• The ‘God Fish’ That Warned of The Apocalypse:
  In New York, a carp “talks” in Hebrew, is slaughtered, and eaten—sparked wild community reactions and beliefs it was either God or Satan in fish form.

  • John lampoons the situation with a heavy Yiddish accent and sarcasm. (09:26–10:10)

• Disease Spotlight: Fish Odor Syndrome:
  Brady presents “Trimethylaminuria,” a disorder making sufferers reek of fish. John: “Ew...Amanda sweats a lot, but she doesn't stink. Her sweat smells good.” (11:05)

• Kenya Outhouse Tragedy:
  Multiple men die retrieving a cell phone from a latrine (13:17).

  • John: “They all died in the feces. The first one went down a ladder into the stinky pit and never came back. Even after the three men died...a fourth guy was going in, but police stopped him.”

3. Morbid Aging Humor & Redneck Mishaps

24:27–32:00

• World’s Oldest Woman Attributes Longevity to Bacon:
  The hosts riff on the 114-year-old’s “crispy bacon” claim, with hilarious speculation about elderly lifestyles and bad breath.

  • John: “If bacon makes you live to be 114, I’m never eating another piece of bacon again. That just sounds miserable.” (25:45)
  • Brady: “And she looks all right!”
  • The crew debates when one should “get in the box and wait for the sweet release of death,” with plenty of dark satire.

• Redneck News:
  Scuffle at a rodeo after teens don’t stand up for "Proud To Be An American" (14:50), with musings on “phony patriotism.”

4. Divorce and Organ Donation Debate

33:00–41:00

• If You Give a Kidney to Your Wife and She Leaves You...
  The show runs with the real-life legal spat of Richard Batista, who gave his wife a kidney before she left him for another man.
  • John: “That’s your kidney in there keeping her alive. You get that back, right?” (34:05)
  • Brady (more measured): “Nope... the judge isn’t giving that.”
  • The panel debates financial compensation, organ “warranties,” and darkly comic revenge options.

5. Guest Call-Ins & Story Time

18:23–24:27

• Legendary ‘Taint Accident’ and Lifeguard Mishap:
  “Dean Movie and his magical taint” calls in with injury stories:
  • Lost bike seat, impaling himself, and lifeguard turtlehead embarrassment.
  • John: “You found out what it’d be like to be gay. Well, then you found that out later, though.” (20:04)
  • Ends with, “Please call if you hurt yourself again." Classic show camaraderie and gross-out storytelling.

6. Celebrity/B-List Prank Interviews – “Heidi and Spencer” from ‘The Hills’

56:59–64:34

• Tongue-in-Cheek Hostility:
  The “Johnny Midnight in the Ass” segment mock-interviews Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt.
  • Banter about nudity in Playboy, Jesus “timing the issue,” and constant references to “douche” products.
  • Ass: “Are you the dude responsible for not flashing those fun bags your girlfriend has in Playboy?” (59:06)
  • The interview devolves into gags about make-a-wish, cancer, and playful jabs about dignity, escalating until the hosts “terminate” the interview in mock indignation.

7. ‘Stump Billy Pratt’ Trivia & Top 10s

110:00 onward

• Long-running shtick where “Billy Pratt,” a bombastic radio character, invites trivia questions, tells tall tales from his supposed autobiography, and riffs with callers.
  • Jokes about welding accidents, giving away Jack Daniel’s trivia
  • “Top 10 Things You’ll Never Hear the Pope Say”—heavy on irreverence:
    • “Damn, I forgot to tape Sex in the City.”
    • “So this Polack walks into a nudie bar…”

8. Animal News – Brady’s “Wild America”/“Wild World”

70:41 onward, scattered throughout

• Dead-on Animal Impressions (and animal chaos):
  • Story of a puppy-tossing carjacker (72:18)
  • Elephant escapes a Mexican circus, is killed in a bus accident
  • Escaped lion attacks a woman/child on a donkey ("Why put the donkey in that situation?!" [78:43])
  • Pandas attacking zoo visitors, debate on whether to euthanize dangerous animals (82:10)
  • John and Brady riff on groundhogs, animal mating calls, and “the best groundhog impression in all the valley."
    • “Give me a cigarette!” groundhog bit (93:56)

9. Listener Conspiracies – “The Island of Dead Superstars”

96:02–107:53

• Callers claim celebrities like Tupac, Biggie & Elvis are alive on a tropical island.
  • John: “So you think there’s an island of misfit toys for rappers?...” (96:48)
  • The show runs wild, spinning the “Island of Fame” lore, sarcastically expanding its roster to Buddy Holly, Payne Stewart, etc.
  • Call-in: “If John Denver had the pilots thing locked up, is Kennedy Jr. giving the scuba lessons?” (106:39)

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Best Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• “If we can goof around and do stuff like that, this will be over by Sunday afternoon.”
  – John, on sending ‘Optimus Prime’ to the Gulf [03:04]

• “So you can rub Saddam’s face all over your groin while you’re cleaning yourself. You’re killing two birds with one stone.”
  – John, on Saddam Soap [06:19]

• “You'll shoot your brown eye out.”
  – John, riffing on Dean’s taint injury [20:29]

• “If bacon makes you live to be 114, I’m never eating another piece of bacon again. That just sounds miserable.”
  – John, on the world’s oldest woman [25:45]

• “She should have been on her knees every night pleasing that man. Now, maybe he wasn’t a good husband. Maybe he was one of those guys that, you know, wasn’t all that nice to her. But I don’t care. She still blew it.”
  – John, on organ-donation-divorce [37:31]

• “You’re throwing puppies at people. The man throwing the puppies is Satan!”
  – John, on criminal defense tactics [73:47]

• “If you have the gall to start diddling around at 85, you’re not doing anything productive anymore... Hope dies at 85, so so should you. No 90-year-old’s working on something going, ‘I’m almost finished!’”
  – John, on an “ideal age limit” [29:09]

• “If John Denver had the pilots thing locked up, is Kennedy Jr. giving the scuba lessons?”
  – Listener, on the island of dead celebrities [106:39]

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Structure & Flow

• Opening (00:00–02:00): Brief sponsor reads & explanation of early-morning tech issues.
• Brady’s News & Satire (02:00–17:00): War humor, oddball news, animal quirks.
• Guest Calls and Comedy (18:23–24:27): Listener stories & ongoing inside jokes.
• Aging, Morbidity, and Redneck America (24:27–32:00): Social commentaries laced with sarcasm.
• Divorce and Organ Donation Debate (33:00–41:00): Real legal case, dark and hilarious back-and-forth.
• Celebrity Mock Interview (56:59–64:34): Parody-heavy, escalating absurdism.
• Stump Billy Pratt (110:00+): Shtick-heavy trivia game and made-up “autobiographical” wisdom.
• Wild America/World (Scattered): Brady’s animal stories and impressions, John’s sardonic add-ons.
• Call-in Conspiracy (96:02–107:53): Playful interrogation of the “Island of the (Dead) Famous.”
• Show Close: Farewells, reminders, and more local style.

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Tone & Language

• Extremely informal, full of sarcasm, blue humor, and Arizona-centric pop culture references.
• Unfiltered, off-the-cuff, intentionally groan-worthy puns, and plenty of self-deprecating banter.
• Often bounces rapidly between satirical “news,” call-ins, and wild improvisation.

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For New Listeners

This episode is a microcosm of HMS—intelligent idiocy, local color, and fearless comedy. You don’t need the day’s headlines to follow along. If you enjoy unpolished, rapid-fire banter, lowbrow puns, gallows humor about old age and bodily functions, and a Dadaist approach to morning radio, you’re in for a wild ride.

Note: Ad segments, show openers/closers, and heavily repeated sponsor mentions have been skipped in this summary.

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[B]

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[A]

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Well, with a name your price tool from Progressive, you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills. Try [e-mail], progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Pricing coverage match limited by state law. Not available in all states. It's John Holberg here from the morning sickness. Time to talk about TV's Doug Hopkins of My Home Group and doughhopkins.com. another satisfied listener called TV's Doug Hopkins and sold her home for cash. She reached out. Her name's Ashley, and Doug wants to make it simple. Buy your house for cash as is, you don't have to do anything. Just like Ashley, no strings attached. If he moves that price, you get $5,000. Want to sell that place? Start the process online@doug hopkins.com or grab the phone and sing Hopkins 1-800-sale now. Do not l listen to this while driving or when full alertness is needed. The rest of Holmberg's morning sickness. This is the big Red radio. We had the Brady Report preempted early this morning because of an Internet difficulty, and Brady's stories just weren't coming in the way he wanted. And our printer was broken and everything else. So a preempted version because of war coverage of the worst newscast in the history of the Valley of the sun. The only newscast hosted by a man who'll just do it no matter what. That's what I say. You call him up. You say, I want to do it. It gets done. Nice. He's gay. He's giggling. It's the Brady Report. Freddie, go.

[B]

We've all been pretty confident that the US could win the war. And now we know we'll win because we've got Optimus Prime.

[A]

Huh?

[B]

There's a soldier from the Ohio National Guard. And his name is Optimus Prime. He changed it for his 30th birthday and he just got called up for active duty. Optimus prime is going to the Gulf to protect the world.

[A]

That's cool.

[B]

If you don't know who the original Optimus prime was, he was a product of the 80s. Optimus prime was the leader of the Autobots on the Transformers.

[A]

I knew I'd heard it before. I didn't know what Optimus Prime.

[B]

Classic cartoon. Optimus prime was a semi truck who turned into a red and blue fighting machine and then saved the world from evil deceptors.

[A]

Transformers. More than meets the eye.

[B]

You may think Optimus prime is lame, but the US Military doesn't. Prime says, quote, I got a letter from the general at the Pentagon when the name change went through, and he said it was great to have the commander of the Autobots in the National.

[A]

Guard and we're gonna win. Now if we can goof around and do stuff like that, this will be over by Sunday afternoon.

[B]

By the way, since Optimus prime is going out there, we've gotten a list of the top plans that Saddam Hussein what he has planned for this weekend.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Number one is Duck. Two is pre taped segments of guest celebrity judge on next week's Iraqi idol. Just in case things go out, place an Internet personal ad that reads recently exiled maniacal dictator seeking long. Yeah, that too many long term relationship. No smokers or juice.

[A]

No smokers or Jews is on all of his personal ads. He's putting out personal ads.

[B]

He also says, invade France, accept their surrender. Sunday tea and goat's blood with Osama.

[A]

You've been doing some writing because the Internet's down. Okay.

[B]

And finally, book room on eighth level of hell.

[A]

Wow. Well done, Brady. Thank you very much.

[B]

We can't afford to give our soldiers any kind of aw or TP toilet paper. But the sailors in the British Navy get beer. Three cans a day.

[A]

Really?

[B]

They've also got a fully loaded bar on their ships where the limey's can enjoy a glass of brandy for 20 cents. On Wednesday night, the British battleships close their bars and stop the beer rations. But until then, it was a big party.

[A]

Really? Our guys can't get toilet paper and the Brits have a bar. Well, you know why? Because they don't have to do any fighting. They just follow us.

[B]

For the rich oil moguls in Kuwait, there's nothing as fun as war with Iraq as long as they're not the ones being invaded. So when the bombing started, the other night, a bunch of wild and crazy Kuwaiti businessmen drove out to a farm near the Iraqi border and parties as Kuwaiti moguls do with jam sandwiches and warm camel milk.

[A]

Yuck.

[B]

Our troops need your care packages. But if you feel like sponsoring a soldier of the Iraqi army, you can. Sly. Sly Craft Inc. Is selling white flags along with buttons that read I surrender. For eight bucks they'll send one to the presidential palace in Baghdad.

[A]

Brilliant.

[B]

On your way home you can also get a Saddam soap. It's soap with a picture of Saddam on it. You can rub it all over evil dictator all over your genitalia if you want to do it. Because it's soap on a rope. See, you got Saddam a picture of him and he's hanging.

[A]

You're hanging him and then you're jamming his face into your groin. Sweetsops.com sweetsops.com I'm getting some of that.

[B]

It's responsible. It offers a security alert soap. Scented bars that come in five colors. Low, guarded, elevated, high and severe alerts.

[A]

Sweet soaps. Yeah.

[B]

Sweetsops.com all right, I'm in. And then finally they can. The other thing you can send for 8 bucks is@dog poopy.com they'll send a realistic looking plastic bag of poopy to the French or German or Russian embassies.

[A]

Now they're booing her national anthem. Talk about that in sports.

[B]

I know.

[A]

I like the sweet soaps thing is good though. I just got. There's a picture of Saddam there. It's dope. In a soap on a rope. It is like Jesse Jackson made it, but there you go. So you can rub Saddam's face all over your groin while you're cleaning yourself. You're killing two birds with one stone right there, which is great. I like that. Very nice.

[B]

Sweetsops.com the fabulous media covers all this anti war movement. Well, yesterday, San Francisco massive gridlock in the city's business centers and some of them even staged a vomit in.

[C]

Huh?

[B]

Some crazy hippies to show that the war in Iraq makes them sick. It's exactly what it sounds like. They made themselves throw up in the streets. Really jammed up traffic.

[A]

Send them over.

[B]

Congrats.

[A]

Anybody round them up and send them over. It's so good there. Just go.

[B]

They'll be yakking over there, that's for sure.

[A]

I'm against the war. You're disgusting.

[B]

Congratulations to 49 year old Don Gorski from Fond du Lac, Wisconsin. He ate his 19,000 Big Mac.

[A]

A nice job, Don. What does he weigh.

[B]

Since 1972 he's been pounding two Big Macs and large fries and a Coke per day. He's only 6 foot 180 pounds. His cholesterol is fine.

[A]

He's bulimic.

[B]

We did some math on it. That's 594 pounds of cheese, 105 gallons of special sauce and 15 cows over 32 years.

[A]

Yep, and two a day. No matter what. He's never like extended it, never gone more or less.

[B]

He's a prison guard and he eats the same thing every day.

[A]

Really? Wow, that's crazy. Is that it? Or finally?

[B]

Finally in Italy, 40 year old man took his nubile 33 year old wife to a nightclub. When she disappeared, he called police thinking she must have been kidnapped. The cops put out an APB and within minutes a taxi driver called to say he just dropped her off at a hotel. So the police busted in there and found her mounting some side action. When the cops brought the evil conniving Jezebel home, her husband flew into a jealous rage and attacked her. So it was all over. The only child charges filed in the kidnapping was assault by her husband.

[A]

The guy who tried to find her in the first place. He was immediately hired by a professional baseball team.

[B]

We've got some good news and some bad news this morning. The good news is God has returned and he's taken the form of a 20 pound fish. The bad news is God has been clubbed to death and eaten. The story's bizarre, so hang with me. In late January, in the town of new square, New York, 30 miles north of Manhattan, two fish cutters, 57 year old Hasidic Jew named Zalman Rosen and his Christian co worker Louis Nivello were preparing to slaughter a 20 pound carp when it suddenly shouted in Hebrew. Both men heard it. The talking fish said quote Tazarek, Shemaya and Hazabah, which it roughly means. Everyone better take account for themselves because the end is near. Lewis done speak Hebrew though. He said he heard the fish scream and naturally Lewis assumed it was Satan. Sure, Salmon and his other Hasidic Jews from around the world believe this shouting fish was God in the flesh.

[A]

And he was tasty. Let me tell you. We heard God talk from the fish's belly, then we fried him up. Kosher. Delish. Oh the Lord himself. A little salty.

[B]

You are correct. Zalmen and Lewis clubbed it to death, chopped it up and had it for dinner. Anyway, word of the godfish had spread around the world. Lewis can't sleep. He hasn't Been able to sleep. He's been inundated with calls from believers who want to hear about the story firsthand. Meanwhile, in New Square one, Abraham Spitz. No doubt that the fish talked. He says two men don't dream the same dream. It's very rare. God reminds people he exists in the modern world, but when he does, you cannot ignore it. As for Lewis, he still believes a fish was Satan.

[A]

Yeah, I would believe the fish is Satan as well. That's why. But you gotta eat it. Oy vey. Did you hear that, Louis? The fish says he's goth. Let's eat the fish. I'm with you on that.

[B]

While you're out partying today on St Patty's Day, there is a disease out there. And this might explain for some of the stuff you come across. It's 200 times worldwide in the last 30 years, but maybe you've encountered it. It's called fish odor syndrome.

[A]

Oh, yes.

[B]

The real name is Trimetha lemaire memuria. The fish odor syndrome is easier to say. So let's go with that stink box. More to the point, those who suffer from it smell like fishmongers. It's like chicken of the sea coming out of your pores. Fish odor syndrome is caused when the liver has trouble metabolizing a natural occurring chemical in the body. The result is that the pungent aroma of fish wafts from the person's sweat, urine, and breath.

[A]

Ew.

[B]

There's no cure except trying to control the disease by cutting fish, peas, and egg yolks out of your diet.

[A]

I don't think I've ever met someone like that.

[B]

People suffering from fish odor syndrome often turn into hermits because the rest of society can't handle the scent. Others just smoke a lot to cover it up. Doctors say fish odor syndrome is still rare, but being diagnosed more and more and as many as 1 in 2000 people have it.

[A]

Amanda sweats a lot, but she doesn't stink. She smells really. Her sweat smells good. You, like, encourage her to sweat?

[B]

Well, good news for the ladies. The next time you're feeling stressed out, you could relieve your smooth, cooling flavor of nicotine. Instead of going to the nicotine, you could just nuzzle up to a sweaty man. Biologists from the University of Pennsylvania took a sweat from underarms of men, and they put it in and blended in. And they took 18. Women did a little focus group, and it made them more happier and more relaxed. And while it doesn't make the minxes more hornier.

[A]

Thanks. More hornier. Yeah, sure. That's exactly what it says.

[B]

No.

[A]

All right.

[B]

It says Morris Hornierist increase the hormones. Typically peaks. It does increase the amount of ovulation going on.

[A]

So you rub sweat all over a girl and she gets all turned on.

[B]

It doesn't smell too bad, according to the ladies. They said they thought they were sniffing alcohol, perfume or lemon floral wax.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Lemon floor wax. What did they take the sweat from? Mr. Clean? Who sweats lemon fresh floor wax Smell? We do, I guess. Yes, I do. Come here, Amanda, and smell this.

[B]

Two more reasons why it doesn't suck to live in Kenya. Over half the population lives on less than a dollar a day. If you're rich. If you're a rich canyon with no soul, you can pay a man 13 bucks to jump into a bit of steaming dookie to rescue your cell phone. Oh, and that's exactly what happened. A woman dropped her cell phone down in the pit of a large outhouse and offered $13 to anyone who would recover it. Three guys attempted. Three guys died.

[A]

They all died in the feet.

[B]

The first one went down a ladder into the stinky pit and never came back. So a second Kenyan went in there, he slipped and fell and drowned. A third man went in just to save the other two heroes, but he was knocked out by the fumes. Witnesses managed to drag him out, but it was too late. He died on the way to the hospital. Check this. Even after the three men died in the pit of dookie, a fourth guy was going to jump in, but police stopped him.

[A]

I got knocked. I'm going in. Man of the feces. I hit a drinking man.

[B]

These are the legal issues that we're dealing with. The highly advanced nation of Cameroon. So many people are drinking their urine that the government is threatening to prosecute anyone that promotes drinking. We. A best selling book in Cameroon claims that a glass of urine a day can cure hemorrhoids or ulcers, infertility, snake bites and baldness. One man claims baldness? Yeah. One man claims he didn't have hair on his head for years, but ever since he started drinking his own urine, he's working now with a huge 70s ABA afro.

[A]

Is that right? Well, I'm gonna have a little glass of this. Do my world be free hair.

[B]

Hello.

[A]

Well, that I almost would consider. Then I didn't know it cured baldness.

[B]

And finally I'm growing her back.

[A]

I'll get me a cup of this. Give me a glass, Amanda, immediately.

[B]

Redneck news of the day. This may be news to you, cowboy, but Lee Greenwood's song proud to be American is not the national anthem. You don't have to stand up for it when it's playing. Unfortunately, some drunken patriots at a rodeo in Houston don't know that 16 year old Felix Finessel and his friends stayed seated during the song. And the redneck behind them started cussing at them for it. He spat at him, spilled his beer on Felix and his friends, and then punched Felix in the face. Felix says the worst part was when the idiot told him to go back to Iraq. You see, Felix is brown skin. He's half Hispanic, half Italian. He's born in Houston. Felix, Laura says, quote, this is phony patriotism. The next time they'll think we need to stand from Okie from Muskogee.

[A]

Brownie, get up, stupid. It's our nation anthem. Lee Greenwood done sung this thing.

[B]

Proud to be an American.

[A]

You ever watch wrestling? They play it, Kurt angle rolls out, you guys go back to recky. Yeah, I love the hillbillies. See, there's a reason why patriotism is dangerous in this country. Because there's too many people who just don't know why they're patriotic and what to be patriotic about. You're only patriotic when the bombs start falling tomorrow. Yes, you can taste it. It's in the air, can't you? It's right there in the air. Then you stand up for Lee Greenwood and you stand up for anybody who just says america. You stand up when you watch American idol. Doesn't matter. You can taste it. We're 24 hours away from cheap gas.

[B]

That's when there's a run on bald eagles at the pet store.

[A]

People want them as pets. I want me bald eagle. Man, we're killing brown people. Yeah, that's it. Tomorrow the gas prices go down and I can't wait to watch. You know what? I want to turn on my TV tomorrow and see. My children. CNN will rule for the next week.

[B]

You want to see Wolf blitzer covered in muck?

[A]

Just blood. Wolf Blitzer live. I've been hit with the brains of another Iraqi for crying alone. It's getting dirty down here. Live from bed, there's more. We'll be back. CNN's live coverage of Children. Please help my children. Another burning Iraqi. Well, we'll be back after this. It's out of control now. 98 KUPD this episode is brought to you by progressive insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Well, with the name your price tool from progressive, you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills. Try [e-mail], progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Price and coverage match, limited by state law. Not available in all states. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Well, with a name your price tool from Progressive, you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills. Try it at progressive.com, progressive Casualty Insurance company and affiliates. Price and coverage match, limited by state law. Not available in all states. You are the inspiration for twin beds. The best of Homburg's morning sickness.

[B]

The legend.

[A]

The legend is on the line. We don't want to use his name, but everybody welcome Dean Movie and his magical taint.

[C]

You're killing me, man.

[A]

Moomi Brady tells this story about you all the time.

[B]

He was 26.

[A]

Yeah, you were 30 years old. You were riding to the kitchen where you eat soup.

[C]

Oh, man, I don't know. I was probably 12, I think.

[A]

What happened? Is it true?

[C]

Yeah, I got the beautiful Schwinn, you know, like the 56 incher, you know, graduate. My stingray got stolen it at the five and dime.

[A]

Okay. Wow. How old are you? You had a five and dime in your neighborhood? What are you, 80?

[C]

Dude, I'm 48.

[A]

All right.

[B]

He was a newsy.

[A]

I gotcha.

[C]

So, yeah, I was a newsy. My brothers had a paper route with that sack tied to their handlebars. But, you know, I was at the. The park and somebody ripped off my seat. You know, they just took off my seat. You know, it's probably on ebay right.

[A]

Now, you know, Will be.

[C]

So I'm driving home with this pole, you know, and you know, you know, you know how you're pedaling and you're waving back and forth, you know, pumping.

[B]

You're pumping hard.

[C]

Pumping hard. So I must have looked down to see if the clothespin was holding onto my Brooks Robinson baseball card or something. Something distracted me, so I pull. I actually yanked the handlebars to the left and ran into those steel garbage cans of a neighbor.

[A]

You're an idiot.

[C]

And sat down on the instrument pole. And that's when they didn't make poles with rounded edges, you know, they were the steel tubes. So it's like two inches from finding out what it'd be like to be gay.

[A]

Well, then you found that out later, though.

[C]

Yeah, I did, actually. It's not that bad.

[A]

So this thing hits the middle area.

[B]

Yeah. He felt like he was attacked by Rock Hudson.

[A]

Rock Hudson on a drunken stubberger.

[C]

So, you know, I I'm bleeding and gut blood just running down my legs and I'm running back.

[A]

It's like a Christmas story. Except for instead of his eye. Yeah, you'll shoot your brown eye out.

[C]

Oh my God. I thought my testes were gone. I swear I thought. But I, you know, it wasn't too bad. I only had like four stitches.

[A]

Okay, so did it just shred through your pants?

[C]

Now it's just like that little half moon circle that tore in from the tube.

[A]

Now have you ever taken a mirror to it and seen if it's permanently scarred?

[C]

You know, I have for other reasons, but I don't remember seeing the scar.

[A]

Alright, you can see [e-mail] can we.

[B]

Can we fast forward six more years in mummies life?

[A]

Sure. This is Mummi's life. Is this the tool story?

[B]

The lifeguard?

[A]

Oh, this is my favorite story.

[C]

You guys are amazing. All the guys at Stone Creek Furniture come up to me about the pool story.

[A]

Good plug.

[C]

It was awesome, you know, and I was like, I had, I was a lifeguard and I got a break. So I'm, I'm in the lounge chair taking a break, you know, and I fell asleep and, and I was wearing a Speedo, you know, so of course I'm not that gifted, right? And. And so the, the turtle head comes popping out, you know, because he starts.

[B]

Screaming about, you know, Phoebe Cates coming over there.

[A]

Hi, team.

[C]

I forgot her. I think her name is Lisa Wysocki. I think we were going out and her and her friends were sitting there and here's my polished German helmet sticking out.

[A]

So your wiener started to hang out of your Speedo?

[C]

Yeah. So they're like giggling, you know how the little girls giggling? And I look down, I go, oh, shoot. So I stand up real fast and I dive in the water, which was the huge mistake. You know, it was like, you know, it was like diving with a surfboard.

[B]

Attached to your waist, the rudder bent backwards.

[C]

Oh, right. Bent all the way. I thought I broke it. I swear to God I thought I broke it.

[A]

This the one where he hits his.

[B]

Head, passes out, he tells him he's Superman. He ties a towel around his neck and goes off a high board like.

[C]

A. I dove off the diamond board and the towel flipped over my face and I, when I went to breathe, I was like.

[A]

Did they breathe?

[C]

And I swam as fast as I could to a side, you know, I swear I was out of breath. I almost died.

[A]

How often died?

[C]

By a beach.

[B]

And he rammed the Side of the head. The side of the pool with his head.

[A]

Dean, how often did the government knock on your parents door and just demand they. They take the state helper? Please, you need help. This one.

[C]

Oh, man. Emergency room was my friend.

[B]

No problems now because Dean wears a helmet.

[A]

Let me ask you this, Dean. What kind of position are you in when you're getting your taint stitched?

[B]

Is it.

[A]

Is it ankles up? Is it ass up? What are we looking at?

[C]

You know, I don't even remember. I don't even remember.

[A]

Yeah, how convenient.

[C]

Because when you're that age, you know the sack is not that low, so they have to push it up.

[A]

All right, all right, all right. Dean, these are wonderful stories. And if you hurt yourself again in the future.

[B]

Future.

[A]

Please call.

[C]

Thank you, Jen.

[A]

All right, we'll talk to you later, man.

[C]

See you later.

[A]

There you go. Stone Creek Furniture's Dean throws his own plug out there. Nice work, Dean. Hey, you want to buy furniture from that? Oh, yeah. He's going to get you a super dealer. You'll kick him where he's scarred. Oh my God. I'll rip those stitches out. Four stitches.

[B]

Just the half crescent of the pole.

[A]

Yeah. You think you're bad for you having to go to the doctor, man. Imagine I would die of whatever that is. I would die. You'll get an infection from. I would die from it. Yeah. You've got to go to the doctor. You've got like a cauliflower tree growing on. I don't care. I'm going to die from that. Nobody sees this. Horrifying. There you go. Dean's story says Brady's friends. Always interesting. Wow. It's gross. Thanks for the. No more we're done.

[C]

Right?

[A]

Sharing the bike stories. Oh, no. They're all. No, I know. They're all. Let's just end it now. Let's just not. I can't handle your guys's taints being messed up.

[B]

The entire Huffy went in my back end.

[A]

I still got the wheel hanging out. I'll roll over. It's the best of Homburg's morning sickness. Brady, Somebody emailed me and said, how did you miss it? The oldest woman in the world is touting bacon is the reason why crispy. Crispy bacon on occasion is the reason why she's 114 years old. That's too damn old. Nobody wants to live to be 114. That's horrible. But crispy bacon doctors are wrong. She's 114. Says an occasional piece of crispy bacon Is what kept her from dying.

[B]

There's where people lose the hearing. The occasional.

[A]

Yeah, because then people go out and hog out on bacon.

[B]

I've missed that a couple of times, but.

[A]

Yeah, but if she's 114, you gotta wonder how much she's eaten and how much you've eaten. If it's about even and what my.

[B]

Level of occasional is. And her.

[A]

Yeah, what's your definition of occasional? Because my occasional to me is once an hour, have a plate of bacon. It's occasional. It's not constant. Yeah, yeah, definitely different, but 114. If bacon makes you live to be 114, I'm never eating another piece of bacon again. That just sounds miserable.

[B]

Can you imagine her breath?

[A]

Oh, old lady breath at 114. Oh, Paula Dent. What?

[B]

I can't help. I mean, I think that whenever even you hear someone turning a hundred, I'm.

[A]

Like, what's their breath? I don't. I never have thought that until now. Now I do think that. Thanks.

[B]

Give mama kiss.

[A]

That'll not leave my head for a while. It's my hundred fortieth birthday and I might not be making it. So give me a little smoochies. It's like ghosts coming out of her mouth. Oh, my God. It's like Lord of the rings in there. Baby, give your Grandmama A kid 114. No, thanks.

[B]

And she looks all right.

[A]

Well, it's a tough. It's a tough title to hold, world's oldest person, because guess what? It don't last long having that title. You constantly being reset. Yeah, it's usually there's a guy right behind you ready to take the torch. So my guess is she's got a couple weeks to go.

[B]

I think. If you get that award, why don't they give out the contract? Like a makeup contract, Just like miss.

[A]

America or will they make a model? Yeah, that's a good idea.

[B]

Around for a year. Let them travel.

[A]

Yes. You know what? They should. They should. They should fly them somewhere, Anywhere in the world you want to go. We'll give it to you because you're ancient.

[B]

And then give them that car on the very last, you know, end of the year. Let them drive the car that they won.

[A]

Yeah, that's a good idea. Give him an Escalade. Just put her behind the wheel. She's been in a wheelchair from arthritis since she was 114 years. 14 years in the chair, but she can't walk and she just won't die. And she looks good for 114. I'm not sure what exactly you're supposed to look like, but she looks like she's 80 and I think that means, you know, I mean, then you're 40 years older. 34 years older than that. That's pretty good.

[B]

I would say 90.

[A]

She looks 90 to you still? She's like, if somebody said you looked like you were 20, you'd take it as a compliment.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

It's 20 years younger than you are. Yep. Anyway, so you got that lady. So bacon is the key. Ladies and gentlemen, eat your bacon this morning and you'll live to be 114. I have yet to meet a person that wants to live that life. I was gonna say, once you hit 90, do you want another 24 years? No, I don't, I don't want 90. No. No way. It's people like her, selfish like her, that are screwing up everything.

[B]

Yeah, my gramps had three pretty solid years in the 90s.

[A]

Awesome. He screwed up everything.

[B]

Then he fell in a sand trap.

[A]

And 30. 30 plus years, 25 plus years of retirement is screwing up my future.

[B]

But he did, yeah, he did chew up some of his.

[A]

You chewed up all the retirement. You start getting into that whole you're screwing up everything, the care and all that. You should go no later than 85. That's it. 85's the cutoff. I think we should start hacking heads at 85. If you have the gall to start diddling around at 85, you're not doing anything productive anymore. When's the last 85 year old that actually pulled something off Shatner? 70 something. 70s. 70s. You can still accidentally like invent something or be president.

[B]

I told you that my, this is a while back, but my other grandfather, he, he's one that passed away in the bowl of cornflakes.

[C]

Right.

[B]

His buddy was on Johnny Carson because he was the oldest guy for a.

[A]

While that his friend parachuted.

[B]

Yeah, his name was like lefty.

[A]

That's not an accomplishment, that, that's just an accomplishment because he's 90.

[B]

That's all you ever remember watching the footage of that. It looks like a rag doll.

[A]

Oh, when they shoved him out of the plane. Yeah. See, that's the only thing old people can do is stuff that everybody else can do, but you're just shocked they're still doing it. They're not coming up with anything new. Hope dies at 85, so so should you. No 9 year old's working on something going, I'm almost finished.

[B]

Buddy's neighbor was 90 and the guy still gets over the roof. And cleans his gutters.

[A]

Great. Then that's how he wants to die.

[B]

With a broom.

[A]

But see, that's my point, Brady. It's not accomplishing anything. People are amazed that you just accomplishing the day you should die is when people are amazed. You can still clean your house.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

He still cleans his own house. On the roof. He gets on the roof. Everybody can get on their roof. When people are amazed at you doing just basic stuff.

[B]

Not most 90 year olds.

[A]

Exactly. So you shouldn't be around anymore. When it's flat out amazing that you got out of the chair, you shouldn't be around anymore. Don't you think? What's the point of being blown away by the old man on the roof? What's the best thing that comes from that? Him falling off. I'm a realist, Brady.

[B]

Those gutters are clean.

[A]

Good. You know how else they'd be clean? When the 30 year old that moves in after he dies cleans them too. And nobody's blown away when he's up on the roof cleaning gutters because he's still going to accomplish something with his life there. When he falls off. Yeah. It'll be no matter what. When the old man falls off, people will feel bad. Or the young guy falls off. You fell off a roof? I caught myself. Landed on my feet. If I was 90, I'd be dead and should be. Shouldn't be on the roof.

[B]

Thank you. Have lead in your feet.

[A]

Should just be laying in the box waiting for the sweet release of death. That's all after 85. Just get in the box and wait. No more checks. No more fun. You just get in the room of boxes and we'll. No more checks. Nope. You get no more money.

[B]

You don't want to siphon.

[A]

We gotta start cutting these people off. We got too many people in this world. That's true. They're living to be 114. Selfish. Hogging up a room somewhere that somebody else family thinks that too. It's like yes, Christmas. Do we really have to get her another gift? Are you kidding me? She's gonna get any use out of this. They've been waiting for her to go for years. Get her out of there. This inheritance is coming up here soon. I'm on the list and she's 114 now. She's blown through all of it.

[B]

I don't think too many of her family have to worry because they're probably dead.

[A]

Most of her kids are dead.

[B]

Right.

[A]

She was born in 1890 something. Those people started having kids when they were, like, 14.

[B]

That's why she said she waited until last year to get a divorce. Made sure all the kids were dead.

[A]

Nobody gets the inheritance, nobody gets the money but her. Yeah. 114. You're selfish, lady. Get in the box. Make room for the rest of us. I'm not. I'm never impressed by the aging thing. No one wants to live that long. How old do you want to be when you croak? Would you like to be 114? You're one of those people that'll stymie me and go, I'd love it. No, you would never want to do that.

[B]

No, I think about. I mean, you know, obviously, that's the cards that you're dealt in, but you don't think, wow, the lifestyle can't be all that good. But I don't think you really care about that too much when you're that age.

[A]

You keep waking up. Damn it. Another one. So green.

[B]

Exactly. Your eyes open in the morning, like, here we go.

[A]

Here we go again. Thanks a lot, Jesus.

[B]

At least the jello's different.

[A]

Yeah. How much Jello can you take? Oh, no more Jello. It's the best of Homburg's morning sickness. I'm 98. Kupd Brady. We. We didn't mention this today, and I was kind of thinking because you're, you know, a real moral fella. When you give away an organ to your wife and she cheats on you and leaves you where she would have otherwise died had you not given away your organization, do you get that organ back in the divorce, or do you get compensated for it? If Ronnie was gonna die, you'd gladly hand over the organ. Yeah.

[B]

If Ronnie were.

[A]

Hell, if you were gonna die, I'd hand over my kidney to you. Right. You know, if you came to me and said, hey, we're a match, I'm gonna die without it.

[B]

Now I go out and I. I don't mind. Not necessarily cheat on you, but how about if I do something that would.

[A]

Stab yourself in the kidney? Yeah. You go doing a frat show.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No. And that's. That's as guy to guy. There's nothing that. You just live with my kidney. But if. If your wife gets your kidney, and otherwise she was gonna die, and then she walks off and starts banging some other guy when she feels healthy again, and then she comes to you and says, I want a divorce. That's your kidney in there keeping her alive. You get that back, right?

[B]

Nope.

[A]

You get what it can't be used for. Evil and she used it for evil. Otherwise, she'd be all bloated and puffy like people who need kidneys in some bed. Well, this is real. It's a real deal. People have been talking about. I saw it on the news last night. I've been looking at it all day. They got divorced in 2005. Richard. What is the name? Richard Batista.

[B]

Batista.

[A]

And his wife, Donnell, of Garden City, New York. Now, Dawnelle was not gonna make it. She was gonna die. Her husband Richard said, you know what? We match. I'm gonna give you my kidney. I'm gonna save your life because I love you. 2001, four years later, she's healthy. Richard finds out Donnell's banging somebody else. So he's like, I want a divorce. And she, you know, gives it to him and gives him some fight. Oh. And now he's like, well, I want my stuff back. This isn't right. I. I saved your ass, lady. So Donnell has two options. She can give the kidney back or pay him $1.5 million for that organ, that she has to buy it from him. At this point, it's no longer a gift of life. Now it's a gift that you got to pay for. And Richard said, I saved her life, but this pain is unbearable. It's my last resort. And I didn't want this to be in the public eye, but if it is, it is. She's not bad looking either. And she. I guarantee you, when she was sick, she didn't look good. But with his kidney, the key there.

[B]

You said it's a gift.

[A]

It isn't a gift if he says.

[B]

I'm gonna loan you my kidney for a while.

[A]

Here's the thing, though. Marriage is also supposed to be for life. That was a promise she made him. Right?

[B]

Right.

[A]

So it's a gift. She's taking that away. So he's saying, all right, well, then this wasn't for life. This was for the life of our marriage, which was supposed to be forever, but you've pulled the plug on that. I want my kidney back. I think he's within his rights. I think it should be his.

[B]

Maybe the judge will see it your way, but I don't see that.

[A]

Is this gonna have to go before a judge?

[B]

Oh, yeah. Some kind of divorce proceedings.

[A]

Well, the divorce part, yeah.

[B]

If he. If she's making more dough than him, he's entitled to.

[A]

You know, I. I got divorced in 2005. These guys are still fighting. I guess they got a couple kids, too.

[B]

That's a good example.

[A]

You know how this is gonna end, right? Badly. He's gonna carve it out. He's gonna snap and carve his own kidney out. Then do what? Throw it against the wall? No, just. She can't have it. If he can't have it, no one can.

[B]

He'll buy one of those hospital.

[A]

Cool. He's gonna carve it out of her. I think he's right. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I think that's absolutely. You know, screw her. I don't. Without that kidney, she doesn't.

[B]

You're jumping to conclusions. Because we don't. You know, there's always two sides to the case.

[A]

No, there's not. She cheated. And she. She owes that guy everything she needed to be.

[B]

She wouldn't have been able to cheat.

[A]

She'd have been. She would have been too ugly to cheat because she'd have been a sickie.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

That kidney gave her the power to cheat again, and she cheated. She owes him that kidney. Just as an apology, she should step up and give the kid. I see where you're going. I'm kind of agreeing, don't you think?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

She should have been on her knees every night pleasing that man. Now, maybe he wasn't a good husband. Maybe he was one of those guys that, you know, wasn't all that nice to her. But I don't care. She still blew it. She. She needs to step up to the plate and say, here's your kidney back. You're right. I don't think I screwed up.

[B]

I don't know if he can give it back.

[A]

Then give him the money. Why couldn't you give it back? Why is a kidney 1.5 million?

[B]

She'd have to send another. You know what she could do is maybe you go this angle saying, since you're moving on. Yeah. You return that kidney and use your new lover's kidney.

[A]

If he's a match. Exactly. Get this guy you cheated on. He must have better kidneys than me. Give me mine back and use his. Guy said everybody says that. Siding with the guy. He gave his wife his kidney. That's not his wife anymore. It's no longer a gift. Kidney. That's a kidney in some jackass. Get it back.

[B]

Won't happen.

[A]

I think it's great. Oh, you don't think. I think she's gonna end up having to pay. Who sees this the other way? Who sees it like, well, you know, you're not gonna get anything for your trouble.

[B]

Well, I. It's not seeing it the other way. I don't see them. You wouldn't want your stuff ever on that. Really?

[A]

I think he'll get it. I think he's gonna get it.

[B]

Not when it comes down to that. It was a gift.

[A]

You wouldn't want your kidney back?

[B]

Sure. You're probably angry. I mean, I understand him being upset. And it's like, that's it. I saved your life. Give me my kidney back.

[A]

You'll give me back my kidney?

[B]

Be realistic. It won't happen.

[A]

Then give me the money. Pay me.

[B]

Maybe he can get something for that.

[A]

This new boyfriend of yours has two kidneys. I have one. And now I've got to pay you, like alimony or I've got to pay for this divorce on top of it all. No, you take this kid and give me my kidney back and we'll call this even.

[B]

You know, getting technical again. I don't know if they're. I'm sure you could find a doctor that would.

[A]

Sure you.

[B]

They'd have some ethic problems taking a.

[A]

Kidney out of somebody. Yeah, maybe.

[B]

Kidney is not the most, you know.

[A]

On a vacation to Cancun or something.

[B]

There you go. And then now.

[A]

And then now you're risking your own kidney. I say she just has to take it out. She can't have it either. It has to be thrown away.

[B]

They won't touch that kidney.

[A]

Has to be.

[B]

You know, his only shot is compensation financially.

[A]

And you. And would you fight for that too? You're a moral guy. See, I'm not. So I. I think maybe one of those deals where it's like, maybe it's just my immorality in this situation that I think she owes. Do you. Would you just walk away from that? Unbelievable. You'd take it. Eric's back. I know what you'd do. You'd probably get it out of her before the divorce. Paper. I didn't hear the situation. What happened? The dude gave his kidney to his ex wife four years ago and then finds out four years later she's cheating on him. Now that she's healthy, she was about to die. He hands over and they're getting divorced and he wants his kidney back. Or he wants a million and a half dollars. That's hilarious. It's awesome. You take it back. If you gave Lisa your kidney and then she's boning some dude now that she's healthy and pretty again. But you get the money at least. Yeah, I try to get money. That's what I'm saying. No, not after it's been in that. Who knows what it's got? Not Lisa. Not Lisa. Of course. Course I'm talking.

[B]

I guess I have a regulation if or a time frame if she got the kidney and two weeks later she's out there farming it out.

[A]

You've got a 90 back.

[B]

She had that.

[A]

Yeah, 90 day money back guarantee. Okay, I see. So there's a warranty on your stuff. You don't have to worry. You're not gonna be donating to anybody. No, none of your organs are gonna go. That's a good point.

[B]

You kidding me? I got a titanium kidney now.

[A]

How about that? You're laying in your deathbed. Everything hurts. We found a donor. Hey, everybody. Oh, God. I'm not gonna make it. This guy's donating something. Yeah, it's covered in Crisco. You'll love it. Everything tastes like bacon since I met him.

[B]

You'll crave bacon.

[A]

You just crave bacon. That's it. It's out of control now. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Well, with a name your price tool from Progressive, you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills. Try [e-mail], progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates price and coverage match limited by state law. Not available in all states. It's John Holmerg here from the morning sickness. And it's time to talk about Doug Hopkins of my home group and Doug Hopkins dot com. Let's talk about the people who make claims. For instance, a company out there saying they'll get you 100% of market value for your home. And a lot of times, Mr. 100% getting that inspection and says, oh, 100 just dropped because you've got a few more problems. Don't play around with these people. Trust me when I say you can trust TV's Doug Hopkins. He won't play with the offer at all. If he does, he'll give you $5,000 guaranteed. You can start the process at dough hopkins.com or grab that phone and sing Hopkins. 1-800-sale now the best of the morning sickness.

[B]

You're very clever, my charming little friend.

[A]

Yes, K u p D, but not clever enough.

[B]

Tim Gunn is the guy from Project Runway. He's openly gay. He was on the daytime show yesterday, ABC's daytime show the Revolution. And he admitted that he hasn't leapfrogged with another man in 29 years, hasn't seen a sausage for almost three decades.

[A]

And is he gay still? Yeah. I don't know. Can you still be gay if you haven't cobwebs. A lot of cobwebs. Trying to jump over a dude and you can't do it.

[B]

Just says he's. He was scared back when the whole thing.

[A]

His butthole gets cobwebs. It still do. Still functions.

[B]

Might be dusty.

[A]

Mine doesn't have cobwebs. And I'm not gay. I haven't leapfrogged with a man. Yeah.

[B]

He cleans it.

[A]

Maybe in the taint area that webs up. Yeah. Is that what your partner's supposed to do? Maintain that area? Clean that? Yeah. Oh, Timmy's. You've got some cobbies. Don't ever make that noise again. Got him.

[C]

Stop.

[A]

Check me for copies.

[B]

Look who's the feather duster.

[A]

I'm a feather duster. You've got copies. What's wrong with you? Stop it.

[B]

All right, all right, all right. Good enough. Moving on.

[A]

So dirty. Been like 30 years down here. That is a lot of cowboy. It's cobby all the way down your thighs.

[B]

You're like Spiderman.

[A]

I haven't been with a man for 29 years. Oh, my God. I'm like a Hoover down there. Watch this.

[B]

Copies. You'll be excited for this, John, because.

[A]

We'Re so mature to assume that cobwebs grow in a man's hands. Go ahead. Explaining for the people. Like, what's he doing that? Sorry.

[B]

It'd be more like a safety net for trapeze artists.

[A]

Cobwebs don't have the same structure as a very strong. They're not as strong as spider webs.

[B]

No, they're just cobwebs.

[A]

Yeah, Dust bundles.

[B]

They're hobgoblins.

[A]

No, they're not. Don't teach the kids that there's no such thing as a hobgoblin.

[B]

They get in your pipe.

[A]

They're cobblers.

[B]

Some guy talking about hobgoblins getting in your pipes.

[A]

So another 30 years. If they stay like that, he'll have hobgoblins growing out of it. Yeah.

[B]

They can get in your pipes.

[A]

Hobgoblin. He has to eat the hobgoblins. You can't just discard a hobgoblin. Have that running around your house. We are a lot of goblins in pipes. Yeah.

[B]

It causes a backup.

[A]

And his pipes. And Tim Gunn's pipes.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Yeah. One of hobgoblins down there. I want a doctor to tell me that. I think I've got hemorrhoid stockings. They're like oh no, you're gonna. Horrible case of the hobgoblin.

[B]

Jack K fell and hurt her back on a TV set. I don't know where it happened.

[A]

Maggie's okay. What year did that happen?

[B]

Yesterday.

[A]

Oh. Why is she on a TV set? Of course I jacket. It's easy. You can do it. Try it at home. Oh, maybe I'm coming upstairs. How you doing? See, it's pretty close. Oh, e's try it. It's like a black Jewish girl kind of. Kind of? It's. It's almost like the nerd kid on that Family Guy.

[C]

Urkel.

[A]

No, I can't remember one which one it is. I think it's Family Guy. Yeah, it's kind of only. Just gotta start every sentence. Maybe. Maybe. Coming upstairs. You're going places.

[B]

Follow me.

[A]

I hope she gets famous again. I've been working on that one for years. Maybe she made a whole career out of that. I just picture some guy in Hollywood listening to your Jackie impression. This guy's amazing.

[B]

Phoenix.

[A]

He knows Jack A. We don't even need her anymore. I don't care what he looks like. Lock him up. Get him for the 227 reunion. Sm still alive.

[B]

John, the guys from Colt 45 would like you to.

[A]

It would be like if Jack 15.

[B]

Minutes of comedy if Jack a Harry.

[A]

Left 227 and they replaced her with me but they kept it the same act like you know, it's like the Darrens Unbewitched. They act like it never changed. I'm just Jack A O maybe. Oh, Jack here you crazy.

[B]

I'm coming upstairs.

[A]

They paint you black and give you a long finger now.

[C]

Yep.

[A]

Still bald though. Oh man, the chemo is working.

[B]

Please welcome to the Apollo. John Holmer.

[A]

I'm coming upstairs. Rub the log. Oh, maybe it's it. I said yeah. Oh, booze don't leave the thief.

[B]

Carney Wilson has a medical condition.

[A]

Ah, is it. Is it fatitis?

[B]

I know you think that.

[A]

Yeah, that's what I'm thinking of is diabetes.

[B]

Bell's palsy.

[A]

Oh geez. How it's shaped like a bell. That's where it's a new form where your body is shaped exactly like a bell.

[B]

She's treating with some acupuncture.

[A]

That'll work. Boy, she just got screwed over. Oh, not only are you fat, but here, let me define your face when you try to talk. Your sister's smoking. You've got all the bad genes. Are you feeling alright? Yeah. Still hot? Skinny. Everything's good. How about You. Oh, my face is sliding off now. Doctors thought it was excessive face weight. Turns out it's an actual illness. Man, poor her. I'm okay. Had half her belly ripped out, too, to get skinny, and that didn't take.

[B]

And Eric, you'll be happy to know that six people have been arrested in the shooting up of Walka Flocka Flames bus.

[A]

Oh, good. So they can get the people who shot up Walk a Flock of Flames bus. But still nobody for Tupac's murder. On the sun on the strip of Vegas.

[B]

And they figured out the men were all going after Waka Flocka's bling. Evidently, Waka Flocka walks around with a 1.2 million dollar.

[A]

Please, we need to know our Walker Flocka News.

[B]

Necklace. And that's what they wanted.

[A]

Makes enough money to already have a necklace worth that much. Flock has been around since the 70s, man. Really? Yes. I thought he was new Kermit's partner for years. And Walka Flocka has made a lot of money. He's been in a lot of movies. He was in that great Muppet caper. He was fantastic. He was the guy who found the. The diamonds. I forgot about all that. He was a comedian. Also a standup comic, man. Walka Flocka Flock of Flames Tour bus.

[B]

Has 2010 rounds in the bus street cred.

[A]

Yeah, you leave that. You leave the bullet holes and you're rapping. If you're a rapper and you're struggling to make it, go fire a couple of rounds into your car.

[B]

Well, you'll start.

[A]

You'll get a great deal.

[B]

Be ready to receive lead back. Because they fired back.

[A]

Yeah, that's like the bus in the gauntlet. Did they really? Oh, yeah. No. Walker Flocka defended the fort. The windows open. There's like cannonball. We're under attack. Waka Flocka fire back. Hey, you guys just saw Wacky characters. It's the Muppets. I believe he has a man in his sight.

[B]

Hello, bird. Little Richard says he's done.

[A]

I thought he died.

[B]

81 years old. Now he's still alive, but scream like a white woman. Yeah, he just says, yeah, I'm tired.

[A]

Well, you get that way when you're 81. You're 81, and you've been throwing your ass into every wiener you've seen for the past 55 years. Pretty good stuff.

[B]

David from Crosby Stills. No. He's got a new album coming out, and he says the government won't be happy with it.

[A]

Oh, God, they're paying attention to David Crosby. Look out. How did Little Richard survive the 60s and 70s and 80s being as gay as he was and as flamboyant and just. Just his ass was on everything. How did he make it through that without unscathed? Gotta give it to him. I gotta hand it to him. He's gotta test his blood and see if there's a cure in there. Did he pull like the Liberace and try to pretend he was straight? I don't know. He did for a while. Did he? Yeah. Did he get married ever?

[B]

I don't know if there was really much pretending.

[A]

No, he pretended he sang songs about chicks. I think he might have had a wife.

[B]

Tutti Frutti.

[A]

That's. That's just our interpretation. Yeah, but I don't know Tutti Frutti on Rudy. Yeah, I'm pretty sure he wasn't talking about Huxtable.

[B]

I'd be duped on that song.

[A]

Little Richard. And his name's Little Dick. Maybe that's save the day Little Richard. I'm gonna Wikipedia. See his ex wife's name. That poor woman who fell for it. Hey, she got any offspring?

[B]

He. He says he's now spending most of his time designing clothes and praying. Not sure which one he spends more time.

[A]

A lot of orgies in the 60s and claimed he would invite other men in to hide his. You know. Well, he'd get a woman in there and he'd start pounding her and then he'd have men come in and then he'd start working around because it was just anything goes. He had a religious conversion in 1957. They tried to get. Oh, no, she did. His girlfriend did and she left. So he wasn't ever married? No. Well. Met his Paramount. That's him. Penniman is his name. Met his only wife, Ernestine Campbell, at a rally, an evangelical rally. They enjoyed a happy marriage with normal sexual relations at first. But she claimed when the marriage ended in divorce in 1963, it was because of a celebrity status. It made life difficult for her because of the people they adopted a little boy. That poor guy.

[B]

Maybe he was just flamboyant.

[A]

His sexual orientation has long been a topic of debate. Has it Wikipedia? I don't think it's a very long debate. Oh, yeah, no, that guy's gay. He got caught wearing his mother's makeup as a child. Was brutally punished by his father. Often talked of his sexual encounter. That had to be a rough.

[B]

That doesn't send you to gay alley.

[A]

Had to be a rough time for that, dad. Gotta imagine being black in the 40s. In America just trying to get through the day.

[B]

All tootie fruity.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Hey, that's a song.

[A]

I ran home as fast as I could and didn't get whooped by nobody. This was a great day. Why is my boy in makeup and a dress? You just gonna make it harder on your daddy. It's just gonna get tougher and tougher on me, you little bastard. That's where it goes back.

[B]

Look at you, all tooty frutti.

[A]

Hey, Rudy, get out of here. I have got to beat that out of him. He does not realize outside they already hate him if he go out there in that dress. That's a double whammy. You just making it rubber on me. Oh, my daddy beat me merciless.

[B]

You shaking it all over. That's another song.

[A]

Stop it. We're making that noise in there, boy. Oh, that's got to be rough to be gay, flamboyant and black in the 40s. That's a movie in itself. Yeah, I'm not gonna go to it. Tyler Perry, get on that. Oh, Jeremy, kill for me.

[B]

I don't know. He found.

[A]

He's a. He's a big bus. He's a Sesame Street. He's not an office. Oh, and up until kids became huge pusscakes, he was just imaginary.

[B]

When there's a shooting going on, he might show up.

[A]

He's the real deal when they're shooting. Hello, bird. Eat. He is bad as hell. There's a big old weapon in that hose. He's like the wolf you just met. The baddest mother.

[C]

Oh.

[A]

In town. They should make that into a movie. Snuffy. Snuffy. He's had enoughy. Thank you. Thank you very much. I'm a marketing genius. Let's get the hell out of here before more puppets start killing people. Although I'd watch that Muppet movie if there was a lot more. More blood. Revenge me. It's out of control now. 98 KUPD. It's John Holmberg here from the morning Cygnus, and I'm absolutely thrilled to tell you about my [e-mail]. you've heard me mention Kevin Costner, Trey McBride, other countless celebrities and pro athletes and how they chose lifted trucks. But that doesn't mean it's only for actors and pro athletes. It's for all of you. Everybody who loves a cool adventure. So if you're a huge celebrity like me or just an average Joe who wants the best truck, head on over to lifted trucks. They live up to being the number one custom truck dealer for over 30 years. 10,000 five star reviews can't be wrong. Lifted trucks dot com. Work hard, play hard, drive harder. Hey, it's Brett Vesely and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[B]

Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one. Tell him not to put himself at.

[A]

Risk and come into M and P.

[B]

Guns where he'll get a fair offer.

[A]

And he can rest easy knowing it's.

[B]

Not getting into the wrong hands.

[A]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[B]

Easy legalgunbuyer do and he can do it all online.

[A]

It's really that simple. There you have it. MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms. Here's the best of Homeburg's morning sickness. The 98K Upd. Now back to Johnny Midnight in the ass. All right, it's 8:53 Big City Phoenix. It says seven minutes before 9:00'. Clock. Johnny Midnight in the ass here. Having a great morning today. Nice and rainy out there and we've got ourselves guests on the line. Their ass it is Spencer and Heidi. Heidi and Spencer. I don't know who goes first which is appropriate. I'm not real sure. I'm an older gentleman so it's tougher for me to know all these hip new things. Spencer and Heidi, are you there?

[C]

Hello? You can call Spidey.

[A]

I call you Spidey. I prefer not calling you Spidey. I have an affection for whatever you want. For the Spider man that won't be sullied by anything other than just being Spidey. So I apologize. Spidey. Spider Man. And you are in Playboy is why you're famous now. I'm 53 year old male. I have a daughter daughter who is familiar with your work but I'm not overly familiar.

[B]

What's the deal with that? You're not showing anything. Is something wrong with your wizard sleeve?

[A]

All right, asshole.

[C]

What that is that I don't really want to know. But no, I definitely have a full naked photo in there.

[A]

There's a full nude shot of you because the rumor is that there was absolutely no nudity in this and we were curious. Is Spencer with you?

[C]

You have to buy a tomorrow on stands and make sure you get it and then you can see for yourself.

[A]

Is it money back if you're not really New.

[C]

I don't know what she was talking about. She hadn' seen it.

[A]

Who's that?

[C]

My sister.

[A]

Okay. She hadn't seen it yet. Now do you want your sister to see you naked in Playboy?

[C]

No. Now she's seen it. But that's. She was the one who thought I didn't get naked. That's where those rumors are being perpetuated from.

[A]

And you did get naked. I see. All right. I see. Okay. And what exactly is it that you are famous for?

[C]

Actually, I'm a famous singer. I'm performing at Miss Universe. Next to which is A Billion Eyes. And it's bigger than the World cup and the Super Bowl. So I'm performing there and I'm very excited. And I'm famous for theheidimontagworkout.com where I am an exercise guru showing you how I got in shape and my powerful curves for my Playboy body.

[B]

Wow, you must travel a lot. How do you get through all that security in the airport when that douche you travel with clearly exceeds the three ounce limit?

[C]

I don't know what douche you're talking about. I got a douche card. It gets me through. You know how you roll first class lines? I got the deuce line. It cuts right past the first class line.

[A]

This must be Spencer. Spencer, you are there. Welcome to the show. I didn't. I'm sorry about asses. He's a. He's a big fan actually. He knows all about you. I'm not real familiar with your work altogether.

[C]

He's sweet. He's very cute over there.

[B]

Are you the dude that's responsible for not flashing those fun bags that your girlfriend has on Playboy?

[C]

I love that your job is to like say the outrageous line and woo. But yes, no, buy the issue. Come on now. Of course she's flashing the fun bags. She is butt naked in the photo now.

[A]

That's very. I'm glad that you're. You see your wife that way. That's a lovely sentiment for you. 5 minutes before 9 o'. Clock. 77 degrees in the big city. However.

[B]

Hey, Brett Rabbit. I understand it's your birthday tomorrow. Where's your girlfriend taking you to dinner tomorrow?

[C]

Hopefully for my birthday, she's flying you out here and we can all go to dinner so we can hang out with you because you are the coolest person I ever got to talk to.

[A]

That's true. The ass. The ass is a little abrasive at times, but he is. He's a big fan.

[C]

I love that he does his own little soundtrack Noises. He doesn't even have like a keyboard. That's very, that's. That's budget right there. That's economy radio. I respect that.

[A]

Actually, he has, he has Tourette syndrome. So we kind of go with that a little bit and we kind of play around with the noises that he makes.

[B]

Heidi, where are you taking Summer's Eve for dinner tomorrow?

[C]

How old are you? You sound like you're 62 years old.

[A]

He's 25. Actually, I'm the older of the two gentlemen in the room room right now. I'm 53. I'm not very familiar with your work, however, but ass knows all about you. Are you going to take him to dinner tomorrow first? But it's a very nice birthday present to go into Playboy. Very classy. Was this your idea or his?

[C]

It was Jesus's idea. God's timing, my friend.

[A]

Jesus wanted her to show her her body nude.

[C]

Jesus timed her. Her issue to land on my birthday.

[A]

Huh? That's what it was. Because I now I had heard or read from somewhere that this was a birthday present and the idea was to go in for your birthday.

[C]

No, no, she just, she's just been calling it my birthday present because she doesn't know what to buy me. You know, once you get married, it's like, oh, you want a present? You're my husband.

[B]

She just can't find any place that sells dignity.

[A]

Well, Spencer and Heidi, what do you have on Doc? Coming up here. What's new in your lives? Because the celebrity get me out of here thing, you left that any other?

[C]

Well, I have a business partner, King Kevin Ko Casey. He's a professional MMA fighter. He's got a five fight deal with Showtime. He's fighting in Oklahoma September 25th, live on Showtime Strike Force. So if you really don't like me, you think I'm a douchebag. If you tune in September 25th to watch potentially my business partner get knocked out, that's basically like seeing me get knocked out. So tune in, please.

[B]

If a gay guy jumped on your back, would you beat him off.

[A]

Anyway?

[C]

Oh my gosh. Was that the donkey noise you do?

[A]

It is the ass. It's something he does, yes. Very proud of him. He's got a few questions for you and then he's done.

[C]

Where do you find a guy like that? Is he like on one of those promenades with the guitar and the hat and doing them and you're like, hey, I need a weirdo that can be on my radio show that does the.

[A]

Weird sounds and everything actually no, he's got cancer. He's a make a wish kid. This was his dream.

[C]

Oh, that's not even funny to joke about. So I wish.

[A]

I wish I for that. I wish I was joke. Oh, you're sending me to hell now? I wish I was joking you. To hell.

[C]

I said I hope you don't go.

[A]

To hell for that.

[C]

I thought you're making fun of. Of make a wish kid.

[A]

No, I'm not.

[C]

I know he's not. Make a wish. I already did my research. I googled you guys. I know what's up.

[A]

He actually is. And we're not actually the show that's normally here.

[C]

All right, so now you're trying to play tricky games. I don't fall for radio games. So email me a photo of him, you know, in his little hospital gown and then I'll believe you.

[A]

You would like a photo of the ass in the hospital gown? Yes, we can arrange that.

[B]

Listen up.

[A]

No, this has taken a weird turn and I think you've offended him.

[C]

Well, I. I don't feel bad about.

[A]

It, to be honest. Make fun of kids with cancer. Okay, Spencer, I'm gonna have to terminate the interview. I hope you feel good about yourself.

[B]

So long powder.

[A]

They did hook us. Hey, Brady Bogan. You went above and beyond today in the deal. Nicely done.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Oh my gosh. You feel good about yourself?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you like how I spun it?

[B]

Yeah, into even more evil.

[A]

We had his gut drop there at that cancer thing.

[B]

Got him with cancer.

[A]

Nailed him. Always go for the cancer.

[B]

Oh, that's not fun, man. Just brings it upon himself.

[A]

He does it on purpose. I knew he wasn't going to be able to stay away from the interview. He tried. I knew it. He tried.

[B]

Through the questions he did.

[A]

You got your one. Take Brady off.

[B]

Off script. I wanted to ask what his favorite drink was.

[A]

What was it?

[B]

You know, I was gonna give him a couple options. Pepsi or coke? Wine or beer.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Aquafina or vinegar and water.

[A]

Fill a douche with vinegar and water. I got offended. Another classic. I like that one. Spencer nighting the spidey. There you go.

[B]

Kind of.

[A]

It's 98 KUPD. That is Johnny Midnight in the ass. And I really don't care if Spencer and Heidi are mad. I just want them to accidentally.

[B]

We just blew it.

[A]

I wish they would.

[B]

We're not gonna get to interview them ever again.

[A]

Oh, well, I guess that's why there's John Jay and rich. It's 98. It's out of control now. If you're shopping while working, eating, or even listening to this podcast, then you know and love the thrill of a deal. But are you getting the deal and cash back? Rakuten shoppers? Do they get the brands they love? Savings and cash back and you can get it too. Start getting cash back at your favorite stores like Target, Sephora, and even Expedia. Stack sales on top of cash back and feel what it's like to know you're maximizing the savings. It's easy to use and you get your cash back sent to you through PayPal or Chex. The idea is simple. Stores pay Rakuten for sending them shoppers, and Rakuten shares the money with you as cash back. Download the free Rakuten app or go to rakuten.com to start saving today. It's the most rewarding way to shop. That's R A K u t e n rakuten.com Goodbye New Year, New you this season, Ollie is here to help you embrace a slower pace. The kind where you cozy up at home with your dog tucked right beside you. After the holiday rush and all the spending, you're probably craving those quieter moments, soft blankets, a comfy couch, and the kind of emotional reset that only happens when you're curled up with your pup. Spending intentional time with your dog isn't just comforting, it's proven to support your mood, reduce stress, and help you feel more present during the winter slowdown. If you're leaning into that slower, more intentional rhythm, Ollie can help support it with fresh human grade food, slow cooked recipes, tailored meal plans, and an app that lets you tap real experts whenever you need peace of mind. Visit ollie.com wondery and use code WONDERY for 60% off your first box. The rest of homework's morning sickness. This is the Big Red Radio yes.

[B]

Erica Sport Pueblo, Colorado this will be good. Three people were arrested on charges. There's good reason behind the arrest because they're out shopping for a car. Nicole uribe is her name. 23 years old, she's out shopping for a car and she had her eye on a Dodge Intrepid.

[A]

Good ride.

[B]

She had some cash.

[A]

How much?

[B]

Not enough cash to pay for it outright, right? She need a little down payment, little collateral.

[A]

Gotcha.

[B]

The collateral was Baby Jose Juan Therma.

[A]

What?

[B]

Her baby?

[A]

She put the baby down as a.

[B]

Down payment in exchange.

[A]

What she put did you do that?

[B]

Baby is offered the baby for a down payment and some cash.

[A]

What a deal. She was handing her baby to Dodge.

[B]

Yep. She was arrested for an Intrepid felony trafficking yeah, children. She's in the Pueblo jail right now. $50,000 bail.

[A]

Did the salesman do the typical. I've never seen this before. Let me go talk to my manager and see what we can do here. He did the key trick on it. Do you have another baby? Because we're gonna need two. How do you. How do you offer your baby as a down payment?

[B]

Well, Nicole was there. She's a single mom.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

You know, looking to get a sweet whip. And she went. It was a direct deal. Basically, she went to. The guy's name was Jose Lerma and his wife Irene. It must have been. I don't know whose car it was.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It's a couple's car. She wanted to trade him the baby. You don't have kids.

[A]

You can have this one.

[B]

Here's my baby.

[A]

I give you my belly fruit for your Intrepid. No, that's. There's something so wrong with that.

[B]

Lermas were arrested on Tuesday.

[A]

They took it.

[B]

The officer said all three were Mexican nationals. And federal officials have been asked to investigate the immigration.

[A]

It was a deal.

[B]

Look like the deal potentially was going down. John.

[A]

Oh, my God. I thought that it stopped right there.

[B]

The baby's been placed in a foster home.

[A]

Wait, they had a Howie Mandel? There was a deal involved.

[B]

This one was. This one was almost otd out the door if it wasn't for the meddling kids.

[A]

Does that baby come with any features? Yeah, I mean, what kind of she.

[B]

Have GPS loaded with all the candy.

[A]

Is that baby turbocharged?

[B]

Chip dipped and had all the shots.

[A]

Oh, man, oh, man. I want a billet grill on it. So I thought that she went to the dealership and offered the baby and they called the police immediately. What had happened was she went to these people to buy the Intrepid. They took the baby.

[B]

The fight broke out over the baby because she couldn't guarantee rust proofing on the baby. Oh, man.

[A]

Didn't have that true coat. Then there was a fight. Like Springer.

[B]

No fight. Just made that.

[A]

So how did they get caught?

[B]

That's what I'm wondering too.

[A]

Someone saw it go down or knew about it, but it wasn't like it like, you know, Tempe, Dodge, push, pull, tug or toe.

[B]

Your infant five month old baby.

[A]

She wasn't that attached to it.

[B]

Yeah. I want to know how the arrest went down.

[A]

How did they figure this out? You can't use baby.

[B]

Nosy. Mrs. Kravitz.

[A]

Yeah, cuz, you know. Oh, you guys had a baby. I didn't even know you were Pregnant? We weren't. We traded our Intrepid for it.

[B]

They must have had the baby.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Then just wheeling it around the neighborhood. You shouldn't report that. Can you believe that? We got a deal. Where's your car? Traded it for this. Your baby? Hey, you shouldn't have done that story. You're gonna give Howard K. Stern ideas? Yeah. Baby's gonna get himself a Bentley for that one. What's your baby worth? Toledo, huh? Yeah. Damn it. Not a damn penny. I think we could get a neon out of Toledo's kid, right? You think?

[B]

Give me my animal music, please.

[A]

Wow, you're busy. You're all over the road.

[B]

Just one story sample.

[A]

You have segments.

[B]

Hello, my friends. I'm Brady Bogan, and this is your Wild America. Today we have a tragic animal cruelty story. You Remember the Disney's 101 Dalmatians? It's all about Cruella De Vil, who sets out to steal a bunch of puppies and Cruella De Vil.

[A]

Cruella.

[B]

Cruella, Isn't it Cruella? Yeah. All right. I always say, no, Cruella. That's what I was called.

[A]

Cruella.

[B]

Yeah, Cruella Deville.

[A]

There you go, kid.

[B]

Or Glenn Close.

[A]

Yeah. The whole point of her name being Cruella was though cruel. Cruel.

[B]

Right. Cool. Ella.

[A]

Coolella. Cruella.

[B]

Cruella De Vil.

[A]

You can't say Cruella, can you?

[B]

Cruella. Anyway, the story about Cruella Deville.

[A]

Slow her down.

[B]

Man was walking a female friend home, and they stumbled upon an intruder stealing the woman's car.

[A]

What's her name?

[B]

Babla Baba? Walter.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Anyway, there's five Jack Russell Dutch Hound Mix puppies in the car. The man gave chase, causing the bad guy to actually drop one of the puppies on his get way in the getaway car. The pursuit puppies out the window. As the car was pulling off, he's running alongside the car, kicking. The intruder, threw two more puppies at him. Then things turned from cute to ugly.

[A]

He was reaching into a box and throwing puppies at people. Yeah.

[B]

As he's kicking the car, another man got out of the car and stabbed him several times, causing causing serious injuries. The man is now recovering. No word the fate of the puppy.

[A]

So I hope the puppies are okay and I hope the dude dies. You don't throw puppies at people. Maybe he thought they wanted a dog. Here's your dog. I am a terrible, terrible breeder.

[B]

Authorities say the organized gangs are stealing puppies to resell them on the black market.

[A]

I will even deliver it to your house, okay? Hard.

[B]

Someone heard the guy. Help. I'm being pelted with pets. Ah.

[A]

He's throwing puppies at us. That doesn't sound bad at all, does it? Oh, no. The criminal is tossing puppies at me. This is awful. They're nibbling on me. They're going to ruin my shoes. They're licking. Oh, the licking is incessant.

[B]

That concludes your Wild America.

[A]

Stop covering me in puppies. Son of a. You don't throw puppies at people. Well, just catch the puppy and you're fine. Yeah, how hard is it to catch the pup? I mean, he must have really whipped in these puppies.

[B]

If you throw one puppy, odds are the guy's gonna stop kicking the car and catch the puppy.

[A]

True.

[B]

They're both idiots. Because the one guy, I mean, that would have stopped. I would have done whatever I could to.

[A]

To catch the puppy. Yeah, yeah, me too.

[B]

But that guy's like, batting it out of the way.

[A]

He's the devil.

[B]

Stop.

[A]

The man throwing the puppies is Satan. We have Satan because you don't. No, man, I don't care.

[B]

The guy's car being stolen. It was a Dodge Intrepid.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

People love those cars.

[A]

Intrepids are going out the door like crazy. Can't keep them on the lot. People are trading babies, tossing puppies. The world is coming to an end. If you. If there's a man on this earth that can throw a puppy to defend himself.

[B]

Got one wild world.

[A]

All right. Sweet. Hit it.

[B]

Hello, my friends. I'm Brady Bogan and this is your Wild Wild World, Mexico City. The zoo has been having some problems and the circus that kind of goes around. I can only imagine the circus probably has tight security. Evidently a 5 ton elephant escaped from the the circus, wandered onto a busy highway, was hit by a bus and died. I guess the bus driver couldn't see the 5 ton elephant.

[A]

Must have been on the phone or texting. Texting. I don't know what the driver of.

[B]

The bus, Thomas Lopez.

[A]

You see that thing coming down the hill? Like, you know, I mean, unless it's a blind turn and the elephant's just standing there.

[B]

He was 41.

[A]

What's Mexican for Spanish for elephante? I bet you it's elephante. Yeah, that way you're rolling. Harry Belafont. Just go with that.

[B]

He died. The bus driver also.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Did the elephant live?

[B]

Four passengers were sent to the hospital. The elephant did not make it.

[A]

And that's the reason they don't say why in the obituary. He hit an Elephant with a bus. No, see, if I was reading the obituary, I'd love to see that. Well, I wouldn't love this. I'm just saying I'd like to read that, make it more interesting. It would definitely be a more interesting obituary. When he came around the turn, there was a Elephante in Emilia row. He hit it with his boss. You nailed it. Elephante. Really? I speak Spanish. E L E F A N nte Elephante. Airy Elephante Circo Union is the name.

[B]

Of the Mexican circus. Evidently the guy that went in to feed the elephant down the metal door and kind of wandered out the streets.

[A]

And he's like, well, oh, well.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Are you catching?

[B]

I'll kick him tomorrow.

[A]

You come back. He always gets mad at me when I keep coming back. I don't want to go get him so fast. You know, he gets running, it's like 20 miles an hour.

[B]

Hey, Miguel, the chorizo's ready.

[A]

Do you feed Elephante? Oh, hey, about that. He left he out there somewhere. We get a call, I'm sure he just walked towards. I'm sure they're thinking, what's the worst that can happen? You know, if people see it, we'll go pick him. I didn't expect the bus driver to go, I am high as a kite. I'm seeing stuff. I think there's an elephant in the road, but I know that's the drugs.

[B]

Well, we know what the elephant was trying to do. What? Get across the border.

[A]

Everybody wants out.

[B]

Yeah, because it is true. Because last month they said at the Mexican zoo, it's a private zoo. A 500 pound lion escape.

[A]

They have problems.

[B]

The lion managed to kill two dogs and a pig. And then the last little thing attacked a woman and child on a donkey. Because that's. Because that's how you travel before someone got it with the tranq.

[A]

My, the worst thought about this whole story is that when they saw the lion coming, they're like, let's get out of here. And they hopped on a donkey. They're slapping that donkey's hand. The lion is gaining on you, donkey. We needed a car is what we need. Donkey, we're not gonna make it. You're in trouble. Yeah. Why put the donkey in that horrible situation? Throw the kid off the donkey and take off. I think we realize why they're leaving Mexico now. He's a crazy place. It's jungle animals everywhere. My wife and child were killed on a donkey by a wild lion. No. Yeah, See, he was coming around the corner and my wife was Outside and would climb on a donkey try to make escape. But no. The lion. Juan. Of course the lion won. It have been better off running. Oh, you're just walking. Why go. What is this thing over here? Look. What is that? Easy. Lion.

[B]

No.

[A]

No way. Mama Gato. Mama. Grande Gat. Just sees it in the bush. Hey, Mama, look. He's Grande Gato. He's Grande Gato. Kid's trying to pet the lion. We should get on the donkey and go home.

[B]

Nah.

[A]

Grande Gato knows when to eat you. He's as afraid of you as you are a heap. I don't think so. He's stalking us. No, he's talking donkey.

[B]

Can you imagine if they're riding on that? Next thing you know, this lion now has his jaws around the throat of the burrow.

[A]

Mama, I told you. Get off the donkey. No, donkey be fine. Elgato is not scared of the donkey as the donkey is a he. He's tearing the throat from our donkey or beloved. Pablo.

[B]

This is my donkey. Brady Bogan. That's your wild, wild world. According to researchers at King's College London, smart men have higher spermatozoon counts.

[A]

Sperm at the zoo.

[B]

Sperm.

[A]

It's a zoo. What's Spermatizoon? Same. Is that like. Is that sperm with Splenda?

[B]

Higher swimming swimmer concentration. More active sperm egg than dumb guys. A woman named Rosalind Arden led the study.

[A]

And why do hillbillies get knocked up so easily? Yeah, yeah.

[B]

We took two characteristics.

[A]

Answer that question, Brady.

[B]

I'm seeing. I'm just following up on what Roslyn found in her study.

[A]

I'm not sure. And I'm believing in your study because I got 18 different things that'd tell you you wrong. Have you seen the Springer and Povich? Yeah, exactly.

[B]

They.

[A]

They have babies like crazy. That's true. Though it doesn't mean that they have the inability to knock someone up. But they're just too stupid to try to stop it. Maybe that's it. Holmberg's morning sickness. Hear the words you say sometimes. I mean, who talks like that? 98 kill you PD Holmberg's morning sickness because they can't spell Spermatozoon.

[B]

And they're probably more active.

[A]

Who? Hillbillies?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Why is that?

[B]

It's all they know how to do.

[A]

That's true. And they're not. It's not like they're inhibited by jobs. I disagree with that study. You think dumb people have higher sperm count? I think they do. I think they knock them out of the park more than smart. People, We should do an IQ test and then beat it in a cup, and then we'll do IQs from a Tazun Championships.

[B]

But I would say, I'd go back to say probably there's a little more activity in the hillbilly arena. A lot more humping. Probably true, but I, I, I could shoot holes through this study, too.

[A]

Eric, you don't think My own personal study. I disagree.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, in my case, it's definitely a superior intelligence what got Ronnie.

[A]

It's a good point. It certainly wasn't. Yeah, Yeah. I don't know about that study at all, considering, Considering that evidence.

[B]

One last story. Is a Wild World.

[A]

Knock it out, Brady. Hit me.

[B]

Hello, my friends. I'm pretty Bogan. And this is your wild Wild World. It's happened again in the Beijing Zoo. You're in China? What's big in China?

[A]

Panda.

[B]

Pandas. Well, some idiot decided he wanted to check out Googoo the giant panda right up close. Evidently, his child had a toy in his or her hand. Flung it into Google's pin.

[A]

Daddy.

[B]

Get Daddy went down into the pen, you know.

[A]

But pandas are so gentle, docile, slow creatures. They'll lick you as soon as look at you.

[B]

Oh, Goo Goo licked him?

[A]

Yep.

[B]

And bit down on his leg. The zookeeper, one of the attendants there, was able to pull Goo Goo off with a broom.

[A]

Oh, the dude's alive still?

[B]

Yeah, he just went to the hospital with. You have pictures gaping Goo Goo Fang holes in his legs.

[A]

I quit naming them Ling Ling and Google and all that stuff because they're mean. We need to start giving them names that are, you know, they've earned the names. They eat stuff. They eat people.

[B]

Hat trick that has jumped into Goo Goos.

[A]

Is he. There's three that have gone down.

[B]

One guy was drunk. He got out with some minor Google injuries. Injuries. The other person jumped in and didn't make it. No, they, they all three made it, but scratched up pretty good.

[A]

Google's given pandas a bad name. I've always heard they're vicious. Well, stay out of the cages at the zoo, please.

[B]

They watch those specials because now they have this orphanage for pandas and they raise. You know, there's like 50 pandas in there that these guys just raise them. I don't understand.

[A]

Because you'd think it'd be women that would climb in there more often because they're always the ones that see pandas go, oh, like they want to pet them or something. Chinese men must not be very bright when it comes to their own. And they roam wild, don't they?

[B]

In Pan.

[A]

In China. Like in.

[B]

They're not putting Goo Goo down.

[A]

Well, they can't. Exactly. Good for the Chinese, by the way. They're not gonna kill Goo Goo. Goo Goo didn't do anything wrong because.

[B]

They put that tiger down at the San Francisco Zoo.

[A]

They did the one that the guy jumped in to attack.

[B]

Well, they were taunting the tiger.

[A]

They were.

[B]

That came out.

[A]

They were giving him trouble. And then the guy got.

[B]

Suing the city.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Trying to get his medical bill.

[A]

So good luck, America. We're the only ones who. We've got to be the only nation in the world who does that. We think we taste. So. Always got a taste for human beings.

[B]

He was part of three guys. A two got out.

[A]

Two. Yeah, well, they were. Yeah, they were. They were making fun of them. And then they all got in. Right. Or one guy got in for sure.

[B]

I forget. Either a cell phone dropped, but they.

[A]

Put the tiger down because some idiot got in a cage at the zoo.

[B]

Yeah. Got a taste.

[A]

There's got to be a sign that says, enter at your own risk or don't get in here.

[B]

Oh, no. I think where they got in trouble was they were taunting the tiger, and the tiger made the clothes clearance and getting out of the.

[A]

Oh, he jumped it.

[B]

Yeah. That puts a little different curve to it. But he didn't go after anyone else, just the people that were taunting him.

[A]

I went to the giant zoo lights thing over the break just to see what it was and wandered around through zoo lights. And I realized that one of the biggest things at the Phoenix Zoo is the coyote habitat.

[B]

What about stingray?

[A]

You don't even. The whole thing's a coyote habitat. If you people wouldn't have put up walls. Doesn't make sense. Coyotes and turtles everywhere. Those are for the people that have a really hard time finding coyotes out in their natural habitat. You mean camelback? Exactly.

[B]

Are they throwing in small dogs to feed them?

[A]

I don't know. Yeah, they gotta give them a bichon frise every once in a while to keep them. That's their natural food source here.

[B]

Christmas meal.

[A]

Unbelievable. There it is, Brady. That's the end of it.

[B]

I'm pretty bogan. And that's your Wild, Wild world.

[A]

Nicely done, my friend. Nicely done. Nicely. Nicely done. Quit getting in the zoo. I feel. I feel no sympathy for the families or anyone else of the people who get in zoo cages. None. You've got to know better or you're gonna go away.

[B]

Well, the other thing is I'm jumping in with a panda. Say I had to go in there. I figure I could probably. I'm not gonna get close enough for that panda, you know? But I could juke a panda like Ladan.

[A]

Here we go again. These. You're the type of people that think, I'll hop in, I'll hop out. No big deal. You don't get Jungle Jack's knowledge by osmosis. Here's the thing that I've never understood. The people that hop into these things and think, I'll hop right out. The cage is built to keep pandas in from getting out. You think your little tiny body is gonna climb over that thing? No problem.

[B]

Yeah, it's a lot easier getting in.

[A]

Yeah, it's a ton easier to fall into this thing. And if you. If, let's say little Kirby throws in her favorite stuffed animal into the panda cage, what do you do, dad?

[B]

Well, I jump into the cage, and then I. And then I act really big to intimidate that panda.

[A]

You find a zoo official and ask if you can get your thing back.

[B]

No. I buy another toy.

[A]

Or let's say times are tight. You don't have that option. You ask someone who works. Doesn't matter.

[B]

Every baby I know has a thousand toys.

[A]

They don't care either.

[B]

I give her a stick.

[A]

They like those babies. Love Toy hall of Fame. Very safe.

[B]

Yesterday, the groundhog saw a shadow, which.

[A]

Means six more weeks of Easter.

[B]

It's got a 39% chance of that. Since they've been doing it. First year in 1887, it's been 39% correct. Wait a minute.

[A]

So he's. He's 61% incorrect?

[B]

Correct.

[A]

That's not a good. So why would you even say he's 39% correct? He's correct 39% of the time. Well, that's terrible.

[B]

I know.

[A]

That's a terrible.

[B]

They don't give that stat.

[A]

I should have been fired. Yeah. They need a new rodent. Phil is just not getting it done.

[B]

He's wrong.

[A]

60. Why do we continue the show? The president's operating at 39. That's a good point. So, Ian Pucksutawney Phil. If they ran together, it would be quite a battle.

[B]

You can win with 39.

[A]

Technically, if you had an election right now with those numbers and Bush was running against Punxsutawney Phil for Gobbler Knob Mayor Phil, it would be a very tight race. 39. Why do we continue this crap?

[B]

There's some dough up spent in Punxsutawney And Atlanta has another one. There's Mike.

[A]

Gramma used to make me sit in the backyard and watch. See if you can see a groundhog pop out. There are no groundhogs where I live. They always make you do stupid. And I sat on the porch just looking out in the snow.

[B]

Did you hear any of them?

[A]

Nothing.

[B]

Grandma.

[A]

My lips hurt. It's cold, isn't it?

[C]

Yep.

[A]

I think I see my shadow. Does that count?

[B]

Nope.

[A]

Groundhog's gotta see his hon.

[B]

On the news yesterday. They went around to three different cities. Like one in Tennessee. Punxsutawney and Atlanta. They might miked up the groundhog. And that's all it was.

[A]

Yeah, they miked it. Yeah, on his lapel. Brady's impression of a groundhog. In human history that has ever happened before. You're the Michael Winslow of animal. Yeah.

[B]

At least have an interpreter.

[A]

What?

[B]

What's the groundhog saying? I want to thank God.

[A]

Let me. Let me. Give me this time here real quick. Hell is he doing punk to Tony Brady? Yeah, that's what the pig sounds like. The rat. Whatever.

[B]

We're all familiar with the city of Tombstone. The gunfight at OK Corral.

[A]

Professional animal and personnel. You're gonna walk around tables at like Garcias and Chevy's. You guys want to hear what a groundhog sounds like? Don't you make balloons? No. They fired that guy.

[B]

Ready?

[A]

Do a donkey. Yeah, do a donkey.

[B]

You want a cartoon donkey?

[A]

Not really, but go ahead. There you go.

[B]

You can.

[A]

That's a different donkey. This is is great.

[B]

You want a sad donkey?

[A]

It's a jacket.

[B]

I'm sorry. That was Eric's memo. Anyway, here's your last animal fun fact for the day.

[A]

Okay. You can do an impression of that animal too. Maybe.

[B]

Maybe by the end of it. Because I have a really thought about.

[A]

Can you do an impression of one of those South African vagina frogs?

[B]

Huh?

[A]

Okay. Now is that the frog or the vagina?

[B]

That was a male frog.

[A]

Okay. That wasn't the lady peeing on it?

[B]

No, I will not do that one.

[A]

I think you do it anyway. And then she clicks. Stop.

[B]

All right. The final animal fun fact. We know that male dinosaurs used to go pimping hoes all the time. Paleontologists studying the duck billed Dinosaur says that 90 million years ago the dinosaurs would make a honking sound that would attract the females. The honking and the duck bills like a car horn. I don't know. Were part of their very complex skulls which were cross crested on the top of their heads. And The. The crest on the top of the heads look like Elvis. Pompadours.

[A]

Which dinosaur is this?

[B]

Duck billed dinosaur. We got a picture of it.

[A]

Isn't that a real one? It's a drawing. I'm guessing dinosaurs.

[B]

Some guy got on a Polaroid camera. 90 million years. There he is. Look at him.

[A]

Hey baby. It's Howard the dinosaur. Dinosaur. You're right. The dinosaur. Get out of my dreams. Get into my car. Baby come back to what it was. I think that's how it sounds.

[B]

No. Here's how. The duck building. See? A female.

[A]

Very accurate. Okay. I'm sure that that's where they got the idea for the horn. I don't think that's real. There's a good one. Brady. He had time to think about it. I don't understand how we know what noises they made. We're making it up. And why do we care anymore? They're not coming back.

[B]

I like the new sketchings though.

[A]

Yeah, the new sketchings are nice. Build them and put them in a museum. And quit studying what they might have done to mate. It didn't work.

[B]

They don't know enough about the. The current duck billed platypus.

[A]

Exactly. But why are we studying the mating habits of dinosaurs? It failed miserably. Maybe that's why. Maybe it was that noise. Professional animal impersonator. Groundhog. Once again ladies and gentlemen. The best groundhog impression in all the valley.

[B]

That's because he's squeezing the mayor. He's got him in the midsection. Holding them up. They don't like that.

[A]

They don't.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The mayor of Gobbler's Knob. Gobbler's Knob.

[B]

This is a groundhog on it's honeymoon.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Give me a cigarette.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Cigarette.

[A]

Well done. That's the one phrase they know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they say it pretty clear. 6:40 in the morning sickness. Give me a second. Cigarette. Groundhog at the door and he just wants smokes. It's 6:39. And that is just the weirdest thing ever. Something you practice too. You know. We're playing golf with Brady and his dad and these ducks were in the water. Kind of duck. Is that over there, dad. Is that a mood or is that a Mac? That's male Hoogly mchaggin dog. Boy. These two just went back and forth with their nature. What? You sure about that, dad? That there's a mallard. That's right. Boy. I felt like. I felt like Brady was like 12 years old. He's 41 for Christ's sake. And he's sitting there. What is this, a duck? Yeah, boy, it's a duck. That's a mallard and that's a girl duck. What do they call those bitches, boy?

[B]

Drakes and hens, Johnny.

[A]

Yeah, I know. Pretty soon the bridge report's gonna be brought to you by Animal. You go. You go hang out with Torp and Brady, though. All you're gonna do is point out wildlife and try to guess what it is. What is that in the tree there, dad? My boy. That's a yellow bellied sapsucker. How do you know? Got a yellow bell and he's sucking SAP. He's like your mom.

[B]

Oh, my.

[A]

I don't know what that means.

[B]

Come on.

[A]

Here's a drake and a mallard are deeply in love. Brokeback duck. I don't understand, Brady. After you're like 11, you quit asking your dad what that was. Why can't I quit you? It's 98 KUPD. It's out of control now. 98 K U PD the best of Holmberg's morning sickness. 98 KUPD up here in the morning sickness. Have a conspiracy theorist on the line. I believe it's Oliver Stone. Hi there. What's your name?

[C]

My name is Paul.

[A]

Paul, now, you think that the dead bodies of rock stars, you believe the conspiracy that Jared could actually be the guy from Subway or could actually be big?

[C]

I can't guarantee that because I don't reject, ignore. So I can almost guarantee that people like Tupac and Biggie, Notorious B. I G is probably on some tropical island with their money and still popping out music left and right and not have to worry about all the drama and all the BS that's going up here, going along up here in the United States?

[A]

Why?

[C]

Well, I mean, you know, you get a couple number one hits, you know, that's like number one. You started getting millions of dollars and then you go, okay, well, I want to take a break, but I still want to pop out music. Why not? Why wouldn't you? You got the money, you can do it.

[A]

So you think there's like an island of misfit toys for rappers where they.

[C]

Just go, no, you know what? Anything is possible in this day and age anymore. I mean, if you. If somebody says, hey, I can make you die for $50,000, anybody could do it.

[A]

Why? But I don't understand. They. They seek that. You're saying that. Who else is on this island?

[C]

Who knows? It could be any island where they're not even recognized. They don't. Nobody knows who they Are it could be something like the Bahamas or Jamaican islands.

[A]

Why wouldn't it just be like Florida or Georgia or something? Why can't they do. Why do they have to go to some mysterious island?

[C]

Because that's. Well, everybody knows them around in this area. You know when you start getting chart breakers here in the United States, everybody knows you no matter where you go. Montana, Canada, there's some up there in that area.

[A]

Alright, Bo, I will tell you the only reason I think that Tupac would do this. I think everyone else is dead. So he doesn't want to get shot. I think Biggie's dead. I think Elvis has died. I think they're all dead. Tupac was involved in a very heated east coast, west coast rivalry. He was a gangster and he wanted me. He knew that he, he was pinned basically. And so he just wanted to fake his own death, get out of it. And that's why we still have music from sir, who else is alive that you know? Because this is like an Inquirer story.

[C]

I'm gonna steal and sell Inquire story. Well, I don't know about Elvis because he died the same year I was born. So I can't really say about him.

[A]

So wait a minute, it all revolves around the year of your birth?

[C]

No, I'm just saying I don't know, I can't. I can't speak for Elvis, but I know in the last couple of them here in the last four or five years, it's probably possible.

[A]

So you think Waylon is out on an island somewhere?

[C]

I can't exactly say about Waylon because I have met the guy. So I really don't know because you.

[A]

Haven'T met the guy. You've met Tupac and Biggie?

[C]

No, I've met Waylon.

[A]

Oh, you have met Waylon?

[C]

I have met Waylon when I used to work at the Phoenix Sky Airport.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

I had his mother in law in a wheelchair.

[A]

So what does that mean? Okay, so wait a minute, Is Aaliyah still alive? Hold on. Did you just say you had Waylon Jennings mother in a wheelchair?

[C]

He did. Mother in law.

[A]

And does that mean what it sounds like that you actually had Waylon Jennings mother in a wheelchair? No. Okay, like that. Okay, good, because you're making me sick. And this is. No, this is the rantings of a lunatic at this point. Well, thank you very much for your conspiracy theories. And if you find this island, call me because it sounds wonderful and the music would be great.

[C]

If I could, I would.

[B]

It's an island in the Fiji Islands, probably. And they're staying at a resort that Rock Hudson runs.

[A]

It's the island of the Dead.

[C]

And it could be one of those ones where Lee is down there too. Who knows? Anything, Anything possible?

[A]

Payne Stewart maybe playing some golf on the island?

[C]

Yeah, exactly.

[B]

The bell boys. Bruce Lee.

[A]

Sure, you got a whole bunch of them out there. Nicole, she never even got iced by oj. That's why he's so up. She owned an island. That should have been his defense. You should have been OJ's lawyer.

[B]

The Lee family, Brandon and Bruce have a dry cleaning business down there.

[A]

Talk to you later. It's the most star studded island of late. Superstars ever. You want dry cleaning, you fight for it. I don't understand.

[B]

Tattoos down there welcoming everybody.

[A]

Dead Fantasy Island. I love this. Tupac and Biggie just sitting on the beach, sipping my ties. Ain't it great being dead? We got to wear out food.

[B]

There's a guy flying a two passenger plane with a banner. It's John Denver going around like free buffet.

[A]

It's the best of Homburg's morning sickness. John Denver Denver is flying a plane again.

[B]

Thank God I'm a country boy.

[A]

The island of dead superstars. Denver is flying a plane. We gotta go out here on. Oh, no. Stop it. Oh, my gosh. See, but my proof is tonight, the screening of. Yeah, Dead John Denver jokes, five years old. And we're going in the. The funny thing is that we're talking about it and tonight we're doing a screening for a movie with Aaliyah in it. Oh, yeah, more point to this guy's island of superstars who fake their death.

[B]

Yeah, some guy's gonna call up. Yeah, I was on the set on the finishing of the film and she was there after that crash.

[A]

Yeah, who's this?

[C]

Hey, this is Tim.

[A]

Tim, turn your radio down just a little bit. What's up, man?

[C]

Hey, I was just tooling along here in my automobile and I hear some guys talking about an island.

[A]

With what?

[C]

Misfit rockers and bad boy rappers, right? Yeah, I've been there.

[A]

Oh, really? Have you?

[C]

Yeah. Elvis started that island.

[A]

Well, he was lonely for a long time until all the rash of killing started to allegedly happen.

[C]

That's right. Jim Morrison showed up and place went to hell.

[A]

Jimmy, where were they all going before Elvis started the island, is my question.

[C]

They're just floating around aimlessly out there.

[A]

Because that's my favorite thing about that. Everybody who's got the conspiracy theory, especially about Elvis, who is like 85 if he's still alive. He's a barber somewhere in Memphis and nobody can pick up on it. Like he needed a second job. It's. Oh, this mother ran out a lot faster than I thought it was gonna.

[C]

The guy who called was so convinced that, you know, I mean, he's believing it.

[B]

He was convinced.

[A]

He was convinced. I know.

[B]

It's.

[A]

It's scary.

[C]

Yeah, well, you know, everybody's got an opinion, and we know what to say about that.

[A]

Do you exactly. Do you. Do you believe in the island of misfit rockers and bad cowboy rappers?

[C]

No, I don't.

[A]

Okay, good. You're one of us. You can stay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We'll talk to you later, man.

[C]

Take care, man.

[A]

You too. See ya.

[B]

I just thought probably on that island there's a good Mama Cass's Chicken Shack or something like that.

[A]

Just go through the whole list. I still like John Denver's banner plans, Brady. I think that was the highlight of my day. Come on in. Hey, Shelvis here from the island. We're out of otter pops. Can someone. Who's delivering. Who's doing the deliveries to the island and is. What I want to know is we got people that, you know, have to get them food. Unless Elvis is out there like Tom Hanks from Castaway. I got another fishy. Biggie, it's your turn. And he's out there just hunting.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There's John Denver. What's today's special? Rocky Mountain.

[B]

It's now a coup deliberate.

[A]

Did you just shoot John Denver? They're Liberty fighters. You did. You shot him out of the sky accidentally. Maybe that's what happened. New conspiracy. Have they ever found his head? No, they never did. It's on the island of misfit superstar rocker heads that lived. It's Metallica here, stone cold crazy. Which is you are. If you believe the island theory. It's the last of homburg's Morning sickness on 98 KUPD. 98 KUPD. Oh, my God. No. That's a helicopter. Here comes John again. Now, what were you intending to do originally? I was intending to. There you go. But you shot him out of the sky first. Which, yeah, everybody's got the island identity, hates John Denver even dead. Even on the island, John Denver's not cool.

[B]

Some of the things activities you can do is skeet shooting.

[A]

Hey, Tupac, take out John Denver again. That this freaking thing, huh?

[C]

Huh?

[A]

Biggie, Biggie, Biggie. Can't you see why is this island so funny to me? This. The concept of people actually buying into this crap. Boss Here comes the plane. Oh, no. It's okay. Tattoo. It is the island of fame, where everyone lives forever. Okay, good, boss. Cuz John Denver can't fly, we need a new pilot. Here's Payne Stewart. He will fly our planes. Don't shoot Payne down. That's just not right. Thank you. Pain made it. Payne's virgin flight is a success. Nice.

[B]

Okay, anyway, I thought, man, there goes the Challenger, you know.

[A]

Next thing you know, it's like.

[B]

Unbelievable.

[A]

Don't do the Challenger. He's a king with the sound effects. It's just ridiculously stupid, but funny. And the fact that that guy called up and bought into the whole thing. I totally believe in the Island.

[B]

He's into it.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And you just hear in the background, just sit right back in. Oh, here. Oh, okay. I see. He believes that. Unbelievable. Anyway, so Bobo's entertainment drill that's coming up in just seconds and hopefully more news about stars who pass away and go to this mysterious island. Why do people think I do have one that's soon to go to the Island?

[B]

It's.

[A]

It's so weird the way people treat celebrities. Because even just the other night, we're watching, flipping around on HBO and Janet Jackson's concerts on, and Geneva is sitting on the couch with me, and she goes, you know, she had AB implants. And I thought, why would you ever think that? Why would someone get ab. And then we told Bo and he's nodding yes. You'd have to work twice as hard to make the implants look good.

[B]

I think it's so she can play the washboard.

[A]

Stomach. I see. I don't think they have to work hard because they have the money. They can just keep buying their bodies. But see, I don't understand the theory that people think celebrities never die. They go to this mysterious island. It's always a conspiracy if they're. If grandma dies, nobody ever goes, I think grandma faked it. She's on an island somewhere. Rich grandmas die. Rich celebrities go to the island.

[B]

Right?

[A]

It's just a fantasy. TV has screwed us all up because back in the old days, nobody ever said, lincoln's not dead. Lincoln's out there on the island. What are you talking.

[B]

Someone's right now writing a screenplay for.

[A]

This the island starring Ben Vereen as.

[B]

Based on a true story.

[A]

Ben Vereen just saved money. He just put him in a fat suit. He's Biggie Smalls. You put a bullet hole in him. He's Tupac. It's okay. Tupac, I would believe, is still alive because the Guy's got, like, 32 bullet wounds and he lived for, like, four days. Yeah, exactly. That was surprising. But I don't think anybody's lives. You keep it right here in the island of Misfit toys. It's a 98 KUPD. It's the best of Homburg's morning sickness. 98 KUPD. We got a guy in the line who wants to close out our island of fame with one comment. Hi there. Who's this?

[C]

This is Chris.

[A]

Chris, what do you got?

[C]

Hey, I was wondering, since John Denver had the pilots thing locked up, if Kennedy Jr. Is given the scuba lesson.

[A]

And then, you know, I had to know if Sonny Bono was running the.

[C]

Ski resort up there.

[A]

Sure he is. It's a net.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

What about.

[C]

Hey, if Savannah is in charge of.

[A]

Entertainment, is there any way I could go? Well, you gotta fake your own death. But first, you must be a celebrity, because as we know, only celebrities fake their death. Well, what about.

[C]

Since Pauly Shore's career is dead and he had an intimate relationship with Savannah, does he get to go down there.

[A]

Every once in a while?

[B]

No.

[A]

See, they do discriminate. You have to be famous. Yeah, yeah. That's the thing right there. Polly Shore. Yeah. You either have to be famous or famous. Funny. Either one. You know, it's. Pauly Shore is famous by default. It's an accident, so he's not allowed on the island.

[C]

He's definitely dead, though.

[A]

He is. He's been dead for a long time. It was proof when he came in here and sat with us and almost started crying. Yeah. Pretty much brought him to tears without trying. We weren't really even being mean, and he was upset, so he knows deep down inside. Nice job, man. Yeah, that JFK Scuba School. That's a good idea. Nice job. We'll talk to you later. All right, man. We'll see you, bud. Very nicely done. There are so many celebrities the plane splashing will work for. I never realized that. You got a few. John, John, Johnny Denver, Buddy Holly. Maybe it's just a big pilot school down there. It's just a big airline.

[B]

Classes, Thurman Munson.

[A]

98. It's out of control now. 98K. You PD the rest of H's morning sickness. This is the big red radio. All right, let's get this over with. I'm out of here. It's the Billy Pratt show starting right now. Shall we bring him in? I guess. Here we go, baby. I love it. I love it. I love it. I gotta tell you what I'm backing better than ever today. The superintendent of schools is in the house. And I'm excited because I'm almost finished with my book. Oh, really? I gotta tell you what I'm Right now. A book about things that have happened to me over the years. Like the first words I ever spoke. Billy, are you going to share some stories today? You know what? I don't want to do that. Nobody wants to. One time at the Christmas party era, J.J. jeffries bought a. A girl over. And I was talking to her and he's the boss here at kp, we're talking about some things and. And I told her I didn't know who she was dating and stuff. And her parents here also. She was over there with me. I kind of let her in on the fact that I thought JJ dated a few whores. Sure did. Turns out it was JJ's date. That's one of the stories in there. Talbot never liked him much. Gonna talk about that a little bit. I got some things in there. Some of the stories about me and Mukluk. One time playing basketball when Mukluk covered me in feces on a lamb and was an odd move. And I ended up. We had to. We had to get the Jaws of Life to get me out of there. It was unbelievable. That was unbelievable stuff. Hey, is Tablet still work here? Yeah, he does. Billy, can. Can somebody answer this question? Why, anybody? That's right. Is anybody familiar with that? I'm not sure. There's plenty of talented people out there. He certainly isn't one of them. Is this okay? I'm just checking. All right. I just want to make sure. I just don't understand. Understand it, you know, Tablet is just one of those guys that just thinks the world owes him something. And it's not true. That's right. I gotta tell you, thanks, Karen, for being there for me. Tab and I heard him. The reason I say this, because I heard him talking about me on the air. None of it was favorable. None of it. I mean, I'm not. I'm not mad at the guy. I'm a little disappointed. But I tell you what. He gave out my home address. What's that about? Superintendent of schools not happy today. Thank you very much. I knew Carol would be here for me. I knew it all. Brady, you're looking good today. Thanks. Feeling today.

[B]

I feel good today.

[A]

Billy, you want to take Tab and Straight? Do you think you could run this thing if Talbot wasn't here?

[B]

I don't know. He's very talented.

[A]

I don't Know about that? I think you're snowed over by that JJ character. You know, JJ does drugs. Oh, lots of drugs. Oh, yeah. JJ's a big cokehead. Hi there. Who's this?

[C]

It's Jeremy.

[A]

Jeremy. How are you this morning?

[C]

Oh, pretty good.

[A]

That's good to be here. You know, it's odd to be here at KUPD right now because everybody's not getting along. It's tough to be in the building. There's some people here just frankly crapping on people, and I don't know why. It all stems from leadership. It rolls from the top. No, I gotta tell you what, JJ stands that window and stares at me all day. I don't understand it. I don't know why it's all gonna.

[B]

Be in your book, though.

[A]

It'll be in my book exactly how I. How I beat KUPD into the ground writing that book for 15 years. I tell you what, there's a lot to mention. That's why. Especially about the time where I had parrot jammed up in orifice. Also, that was pretty cool. Let's get to the questions here. Stop. The Superintendent of skills. What's your question there, brother? Okay.

[C]

In the morning, there's a show on the radio called the Morning Sickness.

[A]

Never heard of it.

[C]

And there's three radio personalities. Okay, which one sucks the worst?

[A]

Holy cow.

[C]

Is it A, John Hoberg, B, Brady Bogan?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Or C, Bo Duran. Oh, and there's D. None of you above.

[A]

I gotta tell you. You know what? Now, I used to. I used to compete against these guys, and I absolutely. I absolutely didn't know anything about them. And now that I know them, I gotta tell you. What. What a funny group. I gotta tell you, I used to be up against them, so I never had a chance. But now I get a chance. I'm addicted. I gotta admit it. And people have told me, billy, I've been addicted to you for a long time. I'm addicted. Now I gotta tell you what. I am completely into him. So I don't think any of them suck so much. Except Bo. Exactly. You got it exactly right. Right there. Thanks, Billy. You don't want anything, Billy. You get nothing. I get something. Cuz if I don't deserve it, someone else might. All right, let's go to the phones. I'm not sure how that goes. Thanks for calling. Not mad at you, just a little upset with the simplicity of your question. All right. Bye. Bye. We'll go to.

[B]

You want to check in with West?

[A]

We'll check in. West Hollywood. Bob, I heard he wasn't out there yet. I heard he got detoured by somebody.

[B]

He just called in. He's out.

[A]

All right, we'll get to West Hollywood right after we get to line four here. Hi, there. Who's this?

[C]

This is Darnell.

[A]

Darnell. How you, fella? Darnell. Oh, my goodness.

[C]

And I know how to spell you, mother.

[A]

She called me a thruster. That was close. All right, there. How are you this morning, baby?

[C]

Here's my question. All right. I'm gonna stump your ass.

[A]

All right, you try it. I don't think you can.

[C]

In what US State is it illegal to sell vibrators?

[A]

Wow. Okay. Do you know this firsthand knowledge that you've been to. You can't buy a vibrator in the state because you. Is that true? Hell, yeah, baby. How hard up were you?

[C]

Travel without mine.

[A]

All right, all right. So there's one state I do know that you cannot have sex toys. And I don't know if vibrators are included in that. And that's the biggest reason I got parents. Tell you what. I was in the great state of Texas, and I needed to jab something in there, like, right quick. And I needed it right then and there. My prostate was itchy, if you know what I'm saying. And there's nothing better to scratch a prostate than a parrot be. So I'm gonna say I know that sex toys are at a limit in Texas.

[C]

That is correct.

[A]

All right. Good job, Billy.

[C]

And it makes sense, doesn't it?

[A]

What's that?

[C]

It makes sense, doesn't it?

[A]

It does make sense. I'll tell you what. Cause you know why?

[C]

You can have a shotgun.

[A]

Yeah. You can just use all sorts of things. A lot of things sticking up straight out of the ground in Texas you can sit on. All right. Nice job. All right, we'll talk to you in just a little bit. Okay.

[C]

Can you spell vibrator?

[A]

I can't. You know why? Actually, I'm dyslexic. Vibrator. Everything I spell comes out Talbot. I don't know why. I got. I'm kind of addicted to the idea of hating that guy. All right, we'll talk to you later. Love you. Bye. Bye. Thank you very much. You've been drinking anything today? I haven't had anything to drink, actually. You know what? I gotta let you guys in on something. This will be revealed in my book as well. You guys think I'm a wild party animal.

[C]

That's right.

[A]

I gotta let you in on a little sacred. Oh, really? You bought me a Beer the other night. Yeah. I had to throw it away. You did. Billy. Hi. I thought I saw you pouring it all over yourself. Nah, I did. I did that. I dump it on myself. I drink apple juice instead. I don't drink. I'm a liar.

[C]

That's right.

[A]

I gotta tell you. What. I lie about things. I lie about things so people like me. That's the way it works in my business. I tell you what. Hey, live Billy Prattfels. We're going right out there. West Hollywood. Bob is out in the big red mianta this morning. Where are you this morning? West Hollywood. Hey, Billy, we're out here in the.

[C]

Dirt field on the Indian reservation. I'm hanging out with a bunch of kids by my side. We're giving away. We're giving away T shirts.

[A]

I tell you what. And I'm proud of the res for getting out there. And I'll tell you, we'll send you out the Biata. But if it's not a good location, we're not going back.

[C]

No way, baby.

[A]

All right, I just want to throw that out there. Thanks, Wes Hollywood out in the nerd field this morning. All right, another question here and we'll call it quits on round one. Hi there. Who's this this morning? Sup with Billy Pratt?

[C]

Hey, this is the Dr. Prick.

[A]

Dr. Prick. How are you this morning? Go right ahead. What's your question, brother?

[C]

All right. In dentistry, what is the name of the front and the back of any tooth?

[A]

The front and the back of any tooth. Dentistry. I don't know. Well, I have a clinic. I should know this.

[C]

That's why I asked.

[A]

I'm gonna say frontis bacchus. Oh, what's on the tooth? Wait a minute. Brady just pointed the question out to me and said that I misunderstood. Ask it again.

[C]

What is the front and the back of the tooth that the biological name for them called?

[A]

I have no idea. We'll go with the obvious. Just. It's enamel on it. I don't know what the front back is called, but you tell me.

[C]

Okay. The front is called the buccal, and the back or the inside of your teeth is called the lingual.

[A]

The ringworm lingual. The what?

[B]

The lingual.

[A]

Oh, the lingual. I didn't understand you there. Nice job. I guess you stumped the superintendent of schools. I had no idea. What the hell? That's. I don't know if that's right.

[C]

That's right.

[A]

Par's calling BS if you don't deserve it, someone else probably might. All right, thanks. Man, hang on just a second. You stump the superintendent of the schools. I don't know how they do it. They come up with these questions. I. I have a venereal disease where that parent comes up with this stuff. I gotta be honest with you. He just hears this stuff out of the blue. That's right. That's gonna check. Right before we get into some more stuff here, it's time to check KUPD info with our own parrot. Well, he got accident injury than the southbound of a mile. And that's it.

[B]

Traffic.

[A]

That's right. That's a damn smart parrot, I gotta tell you. More stuff in the front coming up gets keeping right here. 98K. It's the best of Homburg's morning sickness. I'm 98K upd. I got a lot of these welding things. Evidently a lot of folks showed up to help weld today. Billy, did you ever weld back in your. In the day? In the book, I actually welded my. My schwants to my midsection once. Accidentally. Yeah, it was. It wasn't really with a welding gun per se. Did you ever go to sleep a little bit, you know, sleepy, and you still please yourself and you get it all over your. You know, your guts? Pretty much, is what I'm saying. Then you wait. It'll be in my book. That and the time that the sheets ended up stuck to me for a week. I was trapped in my bed for about a year. People thought I was actually like Brian Wilson. I just couldn't get a bit. It was different. Totally different. All right, we're ready to play Stop. Billy Pratt. If I don't slice my wrist open on all these little welding things. That's right. We got line four here first. I tried to stop the superintendent of school today. All right. Who's this?

[C]

Joe.

[A]

Joe. How are you this morning, brother?

[C]

Pretty good. How you doing?

[A]

I'm doing just fine. Let's have it.

[C]

All right. Jack Daniels bottle. Yep. On the very front it states. Lynchburg, Tennessee.

[A]

Yeah. Where.

[C]

Where it's made.

[A]

Right.

[C]

And the population's on there. And the population has been the same for years. What's the population?

[A]

Will you give me a few, like, give or take a couple here? There.

[C]

No, it's kind of small, so I won't.

[A]

Okay, I'm gonna. Well, I'm gonna miss it by at least a few, I'm sure. I think five.

[C]

I'll give you five.

[A]

You give me five. Either way. I'm thinking it's 187 for some reason.

[C]

You want to Try again.

[A]

Okay. My way off. Hot or cold?

[C]

I'm not giving you too many.

[A]

All right, try another one there. Oh, geez. Let's see if West Hollywood. Well, we can't do that. How about I'll just go around 200 and I want to say 87 for some reason. 287.

[C]

361.

[A]

361. Well, that's not right.

[C]

Oh, that's exactly right.

[A]

All right, we'll give you that one. You stuff, Billy Pratt.

[B]

I guess population hasn't changed in Lynchburg for over 100 years. Every time a kid is born, a man leaves town.

[C]

Either that or they move to Georgia.

[A]

That's right. Or they just dud. They just get thrown in the vat and become some of the ingredients. There you go, Gentleman Jack. Love that stuff, too. I pour apple juice in those bottles, too, and dump all over myself because. Wow. Hang on a second. All right, Bill, five. Do you have a top 10 list today for us? You know what? I don't think I do, do I? I don't know, but I have a top 10 list. I didn't come prepared. That's right. Top 10 things you're never gonna hear our Pope say. Okay, Billy, number 10, the Pope. Now, just picture the Pope, okay? That's part of the joke. I'll set it up for some of the slower folks. Listening to the Pope is a Catholic guy I understand, who wears a big hat. All right, he's gonna top 10 things she'll never hear the pope play. There we go. See that little blond cutie? The fifth pew. He's mine. Nothing. Do it. All right. Got everybody. Hey, that's the top 10 things you'll never hear the Pope say. Got somebody on the line. They're just waiting. All right, here's another one. I agree. JLo's got a nice ass, but I like the boobies. That's one of my favorites. Here's another one you're never gonna hear the Pope say. Top 10 things you'll never hear the Pope say. Damn, I forgot to tape Sex of the City. Let's. Let's. All right, here's a good one. At the end, we'll close with this one. Top 10 things. This will be the top four. Number one. Top 10 things you'll never hear the Pope say. So this Polack walks into a nudie bar. Nothing. All right, never mind. Okay. Those top tens are gold. I tell you what. You guys. You guys don't like them, but I just looked out at the I'd said people are. Are Pulling over. I gotta tell you what. It's good stuff. All right. Final question today at Stuff. Billy Pratt going live. I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know. And I'm the only one courage enough to do that. Hi there. Who's this?

[C]

Hey there, Jeff. How you doing?

[A]

I'm good, Jeff. How are you?

[C]

We're good.

[A]

What are the chances, Hexamer? All right, go ahead.

[C]

What are the chances here? Let's see. We're going to stump you again. We're going to see how good you are.

[A]

All right, Hexamer, come on now.

[C]

Okay. In the original movie. Disney. Disney. Here for you. The original 101 Dalmatians.

[A]

There's 101 of them. All right. That's right. Stump you, baby. I beat you to the punch. Okay.

[C]

101 Dalmatians. The very first original movie from Walt Disney.

[A]

Right.

[C]

What was the number of spots used in the whole movie on all the Dalmatians?

[A]

One.

[C]

You're way off.

[A]

101. Good job, Billy. That's right.

[C]

And I'll give you a leeway of 50,000.

[A]

50,000? There were over 2 million dots.

[C]

You're still way off.

[A]

No, I'm not.

[C]

Oh, yeah, you are.

[A]

No, I'm not. I'm the winner. Good job.

[B]

I know you are, but what am I?

[A]

I don't lose two in a row there, brother. Hexamer, how many were there there?

[C]

6, 469, 952.

[A]

And I got to be honest with you, I don't think he got this out of any book or anything. We know Jeff pretty well. My guess is he. He counted exactly. You stopped me. Hang on just a second there. We'll get you something, all right? I call a little bit of crap on that one. Who's gonna know that for sure? I agree with you, Billy. How's West Hollywood doing? Let's check in with West Hollywood one last time there. West Hollywood. What's going on out there, brother?

[C]

Hey, Billy, it's just good to be out here with all these future casino employees. We're just hanging out. We're having a good time. I've seen some many people from my AA meetings. It's great out here. We're having a good time. But, hey, by the way, Billy, I got a DUI last week. So I might be coming from 10 City Live next week. Good news there, buddy.

[A]

Something I can do? We'll talk to you later. All the future casino employees. What the hell's he talking about out there? Hey, you know what? The difference is between a 500 pound box buffalo. Never mind. I just tell you that. Oh, I'm gonna go out. I rented a movie for the kids today. It's called Batman. I've never heard of it. Batman, about the superhero. It's the Batman. We're gonna do that just a little bit. And speaking of it. All right, let's get out of here. Atomic batteries to power. Turbines to speed.

[B]

Tights on.

[A]

Roger. That's right. I love that show for the tights. I gotta tell you what I loved when it. When Burt Ward slipped those tights on, you could tell what religion he was. He was a tripod. You could see it. That guy was huge. What was your highlight of the show, Bo? Oh, it was you, Billy. Thank you, Brady.

[B]

I just love the location of where West Hollywood Bob was at.

[A]

I thought I did a good job there too. Larry. What. What was your highlight?

[B]

I. I really liked Bon Jovi.

[A]

I just called the parrot Larry for some reason. I have no idea why. I enjoyed all the Bon Jovi that I played shows myself. Because JJ doesn't know us. The hell he's up to. All right, that's it for us. We're out of here. It's out of control now. It's the best of Homburg's morning sickness on the big red radio Party Akup. This is a great thing if you. We're gonna put the adult version out there. I'm getting hammered on the emails. I don't want to see Bulgarine pixelated. One lady said she went to other stations, websites to find Bulgarian. You're on like nine of them. Was everywhere. We should add a little Easter egg hunt today. See how many other media outlets you can find. Oh, he's on MTV in la. Yeah, nice. Mtv. Put pictures now. Did they put it on there with his little. With Liev Schreiber? His pee pee was showing too. No, no good. No, no. Below the waist. Kept it in the upper body because they know how grotesque. They'd have been fined by the FCC otherwise they'd have shown that thing. So we'll have it on our website. We. We blurred it out because Brady's PP outline is so clean and clear in the Bo Green costume. I'll get that. Bob Newhart's office, can I help you? But the. So Bo Green's wiener is right there. There. And then we'll have that. So we got to digitally blur that out. But people want to see it, Brady. They want to see your little. The peanut. The way it's being Jammed into that costume. What? They're really clamoring for this. There are people saying, why did you blur it out? Let's see what's going on now.

[B]

This one, you can see his sliding shorts.

[A]

Is that what you wore? Tennis shorts in case Wolverine decided to steal. He had no pockets. That's the only way to get pockets. Casey got the sign. Yeah. In case you got the. The green light from the third base coach. You know, it's a sliding shorts on, but then you can see the shorts are all bunched up. But then there's that one little nub that you just recognize as a human being, as a still.

[B]

Still popping through the layers.

[A]

It must have been horribly tight.

[B]

Oh, actually, it's not.

[A]

No, no, it just.

[B]

It just forms to whatever.

[A]

It just outlines your piece. Creepy. Yeah, so we'll put that one up there in an over 18 section, because I don't think kids should see that.

[B]

Because you can't even really feel it creeping up.

[A]

Was it warm in the outfit?

[B]

The mask was probably the.

[A]

Yeah, pretty brutal.

[B]

But other than that, it's got good, you know, ventilation.

[A]

Saturday at you fest, that movie will be number one. And Vulgarine will return hopefully with a cup on this time so we don't have to see the outline of his little. Little pee pee.

[B]

Ref.

[A]

The boxing match. Oh, that's right. He's gonna rep the boxing match with his Boguerin. If anybody gets out of line, Bulgarian will touch you with his mildly exposed PP teabag. Look, look, look, look, look. Look at it. Oh, God. Get it away from me, man. That's what's gonna suck. Chewy's a midget and I'm on my knees. Yep, Balls to that pee pee.

[B]

But we decided have to worry about cancer after.

[A]

That's true. There's gonna be two swallowers in that ring. We've got. We've got the deal on there. We'd played all the red carpet stuff, but we decided to slow Brady down because his interview technique was fun enough and people were asking, let's hear what he'd sound like if he was drunk. So we decided to slow down. Bogarine. As if he was at the bar before all the interviews for the X Men Origins. And it came out pretty good. Which one is this? This Ryan Reynolds? This is the one where he's talking with Ryan Reynolds. Bogarine, drunk on the red carpet.

[B]

Go ahead, Brian Reynolds. One person away. Ryan Reynolds. Hey, how are you? I am the Bogarine.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Yeah. And the bogus Wolverine. Kind of. Because when I'm soft right now. Is wearing this outfit. I got a little moose knuckle going on and it's brutal. Any advice on that?

[A]

No, but I. I just.

[B]

You know, I'm faking it right now.

[A]

But I am crying inside.

[B]

All right, I want to get a quick picture too. Thank you, sir. I look forward to seeing the move.

[A]

My pleasure. My pleasure. I could listen to this all day and then. All right. Got lips.

[B]

Driver sounds like completely.

[A]

I know. It's awesome. Toledo did a great job with these. And then. And then. Liv. Schreiber Brady didn't know how to pronounce his first name. I still don't live Liev leave. I always heard leave. I've heard liev. That's what I've heard. And I don't know because I don't. I would say it Lev Liev. But I would do what you did and call him Mr. Shriver. But when you did, sounds like you're not sure about his last name either. So you just. But drunk. It's even better. It's drunk. Bulgarine on the red carpet with Liev Live leave. Schreiber Shriver. What's up, man?

[B]

Good to meet you. I am the Bogarine. Watch it. I won't try to call you. Do you think we do all right in the battle? I only have one weakness.

[A]

What's that?

[B]

A buffet.

[A]

I have that problem too. Actually.

[B]

I have a question for. For you. We at 98 KUPD do a thing called. It's called a positive toss, by the way.

[A]

I want you to know that you're the first person I saw when I got out.

[B]

When I left out there, I saw your crazy. We do a thing called the pos and toss. It's a regular movie, non pornographic. That's got a love scene in it that you can. You can pause it and pause without getting in trouble with your wife or significant other. What would your movie be that I would pause? Yeah. Or I would say that's a great love making scene movie, that.

[A]

Oh, you ever see Body Heat? Oh, yeah.

[B]

That's a big one for me with Cath. Kathleen Turner. Good one. All right. Appreciate it. We'll battle tomorrow.

[A]

Battle balance. He's gone. Get out of here. Mister. Give me the beginning of that one more time.

[B]

Mr. Shar.

[A]

That noise you hear in the bed. We need a wind sock for that thing. There's a ton of. Of wind in there. What were you drinking?

[B]

No, what it is, is the looping of the Wolverine.

[A]

I want more. You were doing some like Hard alcohol or something. And it changes the way you picture it in your mind, how it went down. More drunk Bine later. I can't get enough of drunk B. Ryan Reynolds. Ryan Reynolds. Just the utmost disdain with the. If it isn't Ryan.

[B]

Whoops.

[A]

Whoopsie do. Hey, look at you, Mr. Big Beepee. Movie star Scarlett Johansson. Let me smell your finger.

[C]

Man.

[A]

I would have asked him that. Ask if you could smell us. That would be great from a guy in a Wolverine outfit.

[B]

What is going on over there?

[A]

What are you, a Time Life operator?

[B]

Turn it off.

[A]

You're ready with another drunken Bogarine. Do we have just moments until the next Bogarine? Just moments. Actually, I do have one ready. You do? Just one. All right, which one is this? This is the first bit. We played the first piece of audio. His first interview. Interview with. Oh, with Colin. Okay, this is. This is when he first arrived at the X Men premiere in the Bogarine costume. His first big interview get was Colin P. Boyd from get the Big picture dot net, who visits us every week. So here we go. It's a brainerine with Colin.

[B]

It's Bogarine out here live with Colin Boyd. It's an exciting night. Colin, what do you think so far?

[A]

I think the biggest thing about this night is your moose knuckle in your Wolverine outfit.

[B]

Getting a lot of coverage.

[A]

Yes, it's. It's wide coverage.

[B]

It's covering Arizona like the sun.

[A]

Yeah. Especially in that yellow suit. Very classy. That's awesome. His jokes are like. Drunk guy yells. Oh, that's a classic. Bin is fun. Drunk. One more moment with a drunken Bogarine. Out at the with yesterday, we played all the regular ones. Here he is drunk, just chattering away.

[B]

All the place is rocking now. Word up, everybody by a marching band. Nothing like Cameo played by some trumpeters. That's right, ladies. Wave your hands in the air like you don't care, man. Nice.

[A]

Let's hear you.

[B]

Let's Harry carry like.

[A]

Let's hear you, everybody. Drunken Bogarine on the red carpet two days later. It's out of control now. Idea. Some things go down better the second time around.

[B]

That sounds kind of crazy.

[A]

This is the best of Homburg's morning sickness. Oh, boy. 98 KUPD Boston.

[B]

The dance superstar. Yeah. Rock and roll superstar. Hall of famers. They've announced their summer tour dates.

[A]

Didn't their singer die?

[B]

Yeah, they said, considering the fact that the singer, Brad Delp committed suicide just over a year ago. Guitarist Tom Schultz, who's the lone remaining Founding member of the band has brought on two new band members he met on MySpace. No, that's not true. But he brought on. The new singer will be Michael Sweet. He's from the Christian metal band Striper, and he has some help from a dude named Tommy Decarlon. Did discover him on MySpace.

[A]

So Boston is, like, one guy that was in the band.

[B]

Well, the MySpace now. And this is where a lot of bands and, you know, this has become the place to pick them out because Journey got their singer off of MySpace.

[A]

They got that guy from, like, a Filipino karaoke bar. M MySpace page, which is still brilliantly funny that they actually pulled the trigger.

[B]

It was more of a YouTube discovery.

[A]

Than MySpace, but when they found him, they actually pulled the trigger, flew him over to the States and put him in the band. He barely speaks English. He just does an incredible Journey impression. So much. I thank you so much. I hope.

[B]

I hope there is a lot of interaction between songs.

[A]

Yeah. Do you think they're ever gonna get to that point where he's walking around while the. Neil. Sean.

[B]

Telling stories.

[A]

Hey, how you do? How you do front row? Where you come from? We're from Arkansas. We love Journey. Oh, Arkansas. They sound nice. Bottle champagne. Front row. Bottle champagne, huh? How about it? How you doing? You look sad. Just found out I had aids. That's great. Bottle champagne. No understand. No understand. City of the Angels here to one of my favorite songs. I wrote this high in 1975. He just tries to make up stories. Neil and I were crossing Golden Gate Bridge, City of the Island.

[B]

The first time I heard this story, I was running a rickshaw.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, I remember hearing this song for first time ever. Running rickshaw. In fact, in back of Rickshaw. Gary Busey. Gary Busey Cerebrity story. That's right. That's me. Oh, yeah. Don't stop believing. Cage. Kick me in the. Hold on to that, Fe. You gotta see it on Journey. And there's another thing on YouTube. On YouTube, where a house band. That's terrible. Plays songs to the videos of other. Go on YouTube and just search Danzig's mother and you'll find all the other ones. But this dude's band is awful. And they've got, like, a mentally challenged singer, and they sync it up to where their band is. Is playing Danzig's mother to the video, and they put that audio over it. It's. You'll be in stitches. It's hilarious. Did you see that? That morning I saw. Oh, we were dying.

[B]

I thought it was people's karaoke. Attempt on the song. It's just.

[A]

It's their band just plays the whole thing. It's so funny.

[B]

Peter McBeath, who was the original basis for the band. The British band, the Foundations.

[A]

Clueless. British.

[B]

Recognize the song? The Foundations were. Their biggest hit was Build Me Up. Buttercup.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

He's been sentenced to five years in prison for sexually assaulting a young girl over the course of six years. He's 71 years old.

[A]

Don't do it, Brady.

[B]

According to the prosecutors, Macbeth abused the girl on four occasions from 1999 through 2005.

[A]

How old?

[B]

She's between the ages of seven.

[A]

Boy, that changes that song in all those Stiller movies.

[B]

In addition, around 500 images of child pornography were found on McBest's computer. Initially, he claimed he downloaded the images for academic research. But in court, his lawyer said he had no explanation for having the.

[A]

Trying to find in the lyrics, Aren't you. You never call baby when you say you will, Baby means something different. Build me a buttercup. I mean, yeah, I need you.

[B]

Good news for Macbeth. He has terminal cancer.

[A]

That is good news.

[B]

Brady may die in prison.

[A]

Build me a buttercup don't break my heart. Sounds like a chomo song to me.

[B]

In 2001, a tumor developed in his throat. You hear that? Pedophiles.

[A]

Well, you're putting a hit out, Brady.

[B]

You're putting a God hit for diddling kids.

[A]

Throttle swell. All gooey and weird at old age. Just like everyone else who lives in his 70s. You'll pay. Pedophiles. What punishment is that? He's in his 70s. We all die.

[B]

I know. And all he's gonna get is five years.

[A]

You need to put him in jail and let him put him in, like, maximum security with all the rest of them at 70.

[B]

Plus they need to put him in cell block D at the salad bar.

[A]

Let that old man get a little case of the old gungaria as he's checking into the pearly gates.

[B]

Let him fall asleep in aisle 12 on that American Airlines flight.

[A]

Catch that mayonnaise thing. What punishment should you get for wrestling those kids back in your basement having your. Your weekly tournaments. Boy matches in your basement.

[B]

Now? Now it's turned into wrestling in a basement.

[A]

All right, you're right. You just moved the furniture in the main room to have boy matches. We're sorry. We didn't mean to make that seedy. Brady, your boy matches weren't in a basement. They were out in the open.

[B]

It was a sanctioned battle with you.

[A]

Overseeing boys wrestling at Your home. True? Yeah, dude. Deny these allegations, Mr. Bogan. Did you have boy matches in your home, Clayton? Don't answer that.

[B]

With Gladiator battles.

[A]

I know what you had. Oh, now it's. Now that sounds like fun. You walked into Gladiator studio. Thumbs up or down. He was teaching him wrestling. Now he's having, like, fantasy matches on there. You put this on and you put this on. Use your shield, Clayton.

[B]

You're gonna battle in the joust.

[A]

He already does. Yeah, he does that all the time. I think he's the champion. Clayton, are you good at the joust? Oh, boy. What have I done? Don't get queenie. I'm just saying. Is there anything broken today? No jobs for Super Queen. Ah, damn it. I love when he does that. That's a Super Queen job. Well, shoot out of here. What's this? A job for Super Queen. There you go.

[B]

Then he runs off and we have some sad news. Black Sabbath guitarist Tony Iommi has been diagnosed with lymphoma.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

Which is cancer of the immune cells. It's in the early stages, but Black Sabbath posted a message on their Facebook saying, we'd like everyone to send positive vibes to Tony at this time. It's currently working with doctors to establish the best treatment plan.

[A]

You think Ozzy types like he talks? God, I hope so. Just a quandary.

[B]

I bet you he's a speed typer.

[A]

Yeah. That went down like a nun's knickers. I don't know either. Sounds awful, doesn't it? That went down like a nun's knickers. Knickers.

[B]

I got it.

[A]

Those are pants in England. It's okay, everybody calm down. Put your torches and pitchforks away. He said knickers, but that went down.

[B]

Like a nun's knickers and pumpkin pie.

[C]

Huh?

[B]

From the Christmas classic song, It Sounds like.

[A]

I see what you're saying. I just picture when he's typing, like, and, and, and, and, and, and.

[C]

And.

[A]

Look, you read all these things, man. You come around the corner, 50 A's. O. Think the cat sat on the keyboard again? No. I'll pen you a letter. What's this? This like a nun's liquors? Well, clearly it was a racist statement about a nun's pants. Nuns don't wear pants. That's what I meant. Yeah. It would be good if he had a. You know, Stephen J. Canel, the creator of all those great TV shows, had horrible dyslexia, and they invented a special typewriter for him. Yeah. And he'd just Fire away. And then he had the secretary that would reread it and write Magnum P.I.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What's that program? You can just talk and like the dragon or something? Yeah, now that's. Yeah, that's the new one. Get Ozzy on that. I don't understand.

[B]

Did anyone get the dragon for the holidays?

[A]

I don't think so. Siri. Siri. Text message. Eric o'. Connell.

[B]

I don't think it's going to snow today.

[A]

I don't understand. Please repeat. Eric o'. Connor. It a text message. Oono.

[C]

Which one?

[A]

Sar Goan no pico. S Text message. All right, I want to. I want to text message my son Alex. I don't see Jonathan smiles in your contacts because I don't know anyone named.

[B]

Jonathan SMEs or Jonathan Harris.

[A]

Sarah, I want to. To text Alex. Set the Emily Montaltos text Alex alarm for when exactly? Finally. What was that?

[B]

Uhoh, she's trying to set an alarm now.

[A]

Set the alarm for midnight. Calling Bill MC Mattress. Yes, let's call Bill Mattress. I love my Bill Matt Wet Mattress mattress. Hey, Siri, Dismiss. Dismiss that. Dismiss. Dismissing all your messages. Man, Ozzy doing the Siri call.

[B]

He doesn't like his iPhone.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, I hate this damn thing, man. I have these fully grown man thumb. So BlackBerry was right out. But the series nonsense. You Siri can't understand a mother speaking English. Stupid cereal is supposed to call Bill MC Mattress. You know how many of those things you could sell if it actually could understand? O speaks Aussie.

[B]

This is Bill McMattress.

[A]

I'm Bill Mc Mattress. You. There's really a Bill Mc Mattress out there? Siri found it. Maybe Toledo knows the Bill MC Mattress. I love my billboard. Mattress Mattress. Anything. Film it. Mattress. Do you have the number of my son?

[B]

Tim Gunn is the guy from Project Runway. He's openly gay.

[A]

And before we go, I have to play this one more time because this. This lady has not been thoroughly abused. This morning, this was on. In an attempt, my domestic partner tried to arrange a haircut for my dogs. She made the call. Megan did. And then this was on the voicemail. And I didn't know this was a term they used in pet salons, but evidently it is. And this is one of the best voicemails I've ever received. And I want to kind of close the show with it. This is the lady returning the call to have my dogs groomed. And it gets weird.

[C]

Hi, Megan, this is Chrissy from Grooming. Returning your call. If you'd like to set an appointment, give me a call back. I must have been blowing a dog. Blow drying a dog, I should say. So give me a call back. We'll set you up an appointment. Thank you.

[A]

It's still funny. She missed the first call because she was busy. I wouldn't have corrected myself. I'd have just go with it must have been blowing a dog. Call me back later. We can actually edit it to where that's what she says. In fact, let's do that. Let's see what it sounds like that way. And then just with a big pause. Here we go. She called back after missing the call because she couldn't hear.

[C]

Hi, Megan, this is Chrissy from returning your call. If you'd like to set up an appointment, give me a call back. I must have been blowing a dog. So give me a call back.

[A]

There you go. Now that's better. She didn't correct herself. That's even better. Must have been blowing a dog. Soak that up for a second, lady. All right, one more time. I'm sorry, I haven't. I just love it. I'm a child. He likes to set an appointment.

[C]

Give me a call back. I must have been blowing a dog. So give me a call back.

[A]

You have to stop. I'm a racing. I don't have to stop. The people who run grooming salons have to stop referring to the blow drying process as blowing the dogs. Right. Or just keep doing it and make it a big deal. First we'll bring your dog in, we'll shampoo him, blow him, cut him. Eventually, if you keep saying won't, won't sound weird. It won't sound dirty anymore. But don't leave messages at people homes that are trying to give you their dogs and trust. I'm entrusting you with the lives of Dutchie and Katie and Sheila and trying to get in there and then that's what you say you do to my dogs. My dogs are girls too. I don't even know what you do to them.

[B]

So, John, what do you think of your dog's trim?

[A]

Dog got good trim. They really blew her hard. Hair's all fluffy. She's well blown. It's out of control now. 88K.