02-19-26 - Brady Report - Jan 2006 - Gov Nappy riff - Foo king Quock - BO

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – Feb 19, 2026 – Brady Report (Jan 2006) – “Gov Nappy riff, Foo King Quock, BO”

Episode Overview

This episode of “Holmberg’s Morning Sickness” delivers the usual irreverent Arizona morning banter, focusing on topical news, raunchy hypotheticals, and playful bickering. The crew of John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo riff on Arizona’s then-governor Janet Napolitano (nicknamed “Gov Nappy”), discuss controversial remarks by public figures, debate about prison studies, and cap things off with comically unfortunate international names.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The "Gov Nappy" Riff: Sexuality, Stereotypes, and Satire

[01:03–07:35]

• Premise: John launches an extended, tongue-in-cheek riff on Governor Janet Napolitano’s sexual identity, liberally mixing political commentary and bawdy innuendo.
• Running Gag: Jokes about the governor being a lesbian, fantasizing about her private life, and lampooning taboos around political sexuality.
• Meta-Commentary: The crew winks at the line between political correctness and free speech, noting the ridiculousness of taboo topics while relishing their own irreverence.

Notable Quotes:

• “Do you think Governor Napolitano does like having her hair pulled?...Why do you hate her so much?” – Holmberg [01:03]
• “Everybody gives me a hard time when I call her a lesbian...I wish she'd come out.” – Holmberg [02:09]
• "If it's a country where I can't picture a giant lesbian making love to me without fear of a bullet piercing me in the head, then it's a place I don't want to live." – Holmberg [05:58]
• “Let's do our Kegel exercises before we go to sleep.” – Holmberg [07:32]

2. The Brady Report: Odd News, Surveys, and Social Commentary

[07:45–27:30]

A. Prison Rape Myths and Studies

[07:45–09:55]

• A recent justice department survey is discussed claiming prison rape is rare, which the hosts immediately challenge and lampoon.
• Judicial and statistical contradictions are noted, along with skepticism about the credibility of inmate interviews.

Notable Quotes:

• "Prison rape barely ever happens." – Brady [07:46]
• “That's too many.” – Holmberg [09:17]

B. MLK Day, Ray Nagin’s “Chocolate City” Comment, and Double Standards

[10:07–13:18]

• The crew unpacks New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin’s infamous “I want my city to be chocolate again” comment, tying it to racial double standards and media reactions.
• They further lampoon the terminology, discussing “white chocolate,” “chocolates with nuts,” and so on, pushing the absurdist angle.

Notable Quotes:

• "He wants the city to be chocolate again, but the city is chocolate." – Holmberg [11:35]
• “If a white dude said, I want this city to be chocolate again, it's bad. There's a double standard.” – Holmberg [11:53]

C. Hillary Clinton Compares Republican House to a “Plantation”

[14:18–15:26]

• Commentary on Hillary’s remarks at an Al Sharpton event, noting audience reactions and the political fallout.
• Returns to the theme of “opinions used to just be opinions” contrasted with contemporary outrage culture.

Notable Quotes:

• "Remember when opinions used to just be opinions? You were allowed to say anything you wanted without scrutiny." – Holmberg [15:01]

D. “Guard Parrots” and Odd Animal Feats

[15:26–17:41]

• Two back-to-back stories: A parrot exposing a cheating girlfriend (“I love you, Gary!”) and a guard parrot literally defending its home from a burglar.
• Spirited debate follows about whether a parrot could take one of the hosts in a fight, devolving into absurd hypotheticals.

Notable Quotes:

• “You’d get your ass handed to [by] a parrot.” – Holmberg [16:26]
• “I’d be like Chuck Norris on that parrot. Arrange it.” – Holmberg [17:06]

E. Genetic Legacy: Ancient Irish Kings and Genghis Khan

[18:26–20:20]

• A genetics study reveals how millions of Irish trace lineage to “Niall of the Nine Hostages.”
• Tidbit about Genghis Khan having ~16 million descendants, drawing crude comparisons to legendary sexual exploits.

Notable Quotes:

• “He impregnated every woman he could find. Now more than 3.3 million men worldwide have got his DNA.” – Brady [18:36]
• “I thought Wilt Chamberlain was badass.” – Holmberg [20:04]

F. Bizarre Crime: The Dominatrix and the Vanishing Client

[20:32–22:51]

• Mortality-gone-wrong: A dominatrix whose client dies tied to a rack, leading to possible dismemberment and criminal charges.
• The hosts riff on “safety words,” ball gags, and the importance of “licensed and bonded” domination, exaggerating for comedic effect.

Notable Quotes:

• “Make sure your dominatrix keeps her whips and anal probe sanitary.” – Brady [20:32]

G. The Tragedy of Foo King Quock: The Perils of Unfortunate Names

[23:03–27:30]

• A Chinese immigrant named Fu King Quock legally changes his name to avoid endless ridicule in America.
• The team riff on “culturally insensitive” mispronunciations, imagine what it’s like to arrive at Ellis Island with that name, and brainstorm other foreign names with English-language pitfalls.

Notable Quotes:

• "Almost seven years ago, a 32 year old Chinese man immigrated to Chicago. His name, Fu King Quock." – Brady [23:03]
• "I don't want to be called Fooking no more. The whole thing is a fuckin' quack." – Holmberg [24:02]
• “I want Fooking Quock on this show.” – Holmberg [25:04]
• “Maybe he goes into rapping…little quack.” – Brady [27:25]

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Highlights & Memorable Moments

• Extended ‘Gov Nappy' sexual fantasy [01:03–07:35], balancing raunchy humor with tongue-in-cheek political commentary.
• Debate over double standards in public speech, especially in racial and political contexts [10:11–13:18; 14:18–15:26].
• Unusual animal stories (parrots as both snitches and home defenders), triggering a mock debate about fighting animals [15:26–17:41].
• Recurring riffs on the power of DNA (Niall, Genghis Khan) and who’s really the most legendary “player” in history [18:26–20:20].
• Absurd, escalating puns on “Foo King Quock," exploring the minefield of names lost in translation [23:03–27:30].

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Gov Nappy Riff – [01:03–07:35]
• Prison Rape Study – [07:45–09:55]
• Ray Nagin’s "Chocolate City" & Racial Double Standards – [10:07–13:18]
• Hillary Clinton "Plantation" Comment – [14:18–15:26]
• Guard Parrots & Pet Stories – [15:26–17:41]
• Irish/Genghis Khan DNA Studies – [18:26–20:20]
• Dominatrix Heart Attack Case – [20:32–22:51]
• Foo King Quock Name Change – [23:03–27:30]

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Overall Tone & Takeaways

True to the show’s reputation, this episode is a gauntlet of irreverent locker-room jokes, local political jabs, and quick pivots between crassness and genuine news commentary. The banter is fast, often self-aware, and relies on the chemistry between hosts willing to push boundaries—sometimes for laughs, sometimes for pointed social commentary.

Listeners get:

• A satirical, envelope-pushing take on politics and taboos
• Weird news stories filtered through the crew’s signature sense of humor
• Laugh-out-loud (and sometimes groan-inducing) wordplay around unfortunate names and pop culture

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For those who missed it:
This episode is a wild ride through Arizona political satire, headline-meets-bathroom humor, and the perils of living with a name that sounds like an expletive. You’ll come for the local news but stay for the relentless, boundary-testing riffing.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

Hey, it's Brett Vesely, and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[B]

Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one. Tell him not to put himself at risk and come into MMP Guns, where he'll get a fair offer and he can rest easy knowing it's not getting into the wrong hands.

[A]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[B]

Easy. Legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it all online. It's really that.

[A]

There you have it. MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms. The best of Holmberg's morning sickness. Do you think Governor Napolitano does like having her hair pulled? See, you know her lesbian hair just enough to just get it up under his from the neck. Why do you hate her so much? I don't hate her. I just. I want to mention certain things about her that no one else mentions.

[B]

Oh, that hair.

[A]

Yes, different hair. Toledo. Not just that hair. You're picking it up like. Like I passed out. And you're a caveman, and you just grab any pelt you see and drag into your cave. Yeah, right there.

[B]

He's got a fascination with nappy.

[A]

Pull me up by the pews.

[B]

I don't think she'd ever say that.

[A]

I do. I think Nappy likes it dirty.

[B]

It could be, but she still wouldn't say that.

[A]

Roll me over.

[B]

Maybe I'm gonna bark. Arf.

[A]

Arf. Arch. Oh, I like it like that. Big fella.

[B]

Big fella.

[A]

Well, everybody's talking that she's not. You know, everybody gives me a hard time when I call her a lesbian. Oh, you can't call the governor a lesbian. She is one, and there's nothing wrong with it. I wish she'd come out.

[B]

Guess some people would say, well, she pretty much has. But then.

[A]

But she hasn't. It doesn't matter. She's the governor. Exactly. So since when do you have respect for anybody? As long as she does a good job, I don't care. I don't either. So why not just say, yeah, I like licking it. Next question. If she was more forthright with it, it wouldn't be so funny. I'm turning over a new leaf, John. I'm not gonna let you pick on everyone. You know what else you can turn over me? Pick a slot. A to B.

[B]

Big fella.

[A]

Go ahead, big boy. Hey, chief. Stuff it in one of these. You are a jerk. I know. I just picture her sexually because her sexual decision making is in question. So now when I see her, I'm like, it's doing okay. But I really want to know what she's like in the bedroom. Well, maybe someday you'll get to hook up what she prefers. Wouldn't that be great if Nappy and I had that love hate thing and then it kind of blossomed into a love Governor Napolitano. Hornberg. You stumble into a bar one night. Yeah. Ain't nobody's business. How many beers would that take?

[B]

It could be love American style.

[A]

Yeah, they'd have to down a 30 pack. I don't know. I can't concentrate on governing. There's this DJ I can't get out of my brains.

[B]

You guys can have your little code. She could wear a tie that you gave her saying that, you know, professor love to you without saying it on press conferences.

[A]

I just get little text messages. Hey, homework. I'm wearing that burlap thong you like. You'd have to do that, Crocodile Dundee. Check on her first. Yeah.

[B]

You coming over tonight?

[A]

This guy's a sheila.

[B]

Don't forget those Cuban cigars.

[A]

I love the Cuban cigars in that strap for doggy. Because I like that thing. Guys are horrible. Throw around my waist and pull. Bring me that doggy strap, homebird. Let's go to Fascinations. I'll put on a mustache, you put on a dress. We'll go on incognito.

[B]

Get that swing back from Bowers.

[A]

Does she have any power? Could she, like, shut us down for all this crap? What? For us picturing her having sex? She's a human being, Eric. She's gonna call the FCC on you. She has needs. She has loins that get moist and engorged.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

What?

[B]

That's just not.

[A]

We have a Brady report to do or something.

[B]

She's People doesn't give me a hankering for waffles when you talk.

[A]

No, it certainly does ruin the appetite. I just stepped out of the shower. Get the doggy strap.

[B]

I don't think of a stack of piping hot flapjacks with.

[A]

It is literally making people ill picturing our governor. Megan, love, get under the covers with me. I'm not wearing anything. You know you want it. Okay. No.

[B]

You're just fascinated.

[A]

No, it's. I am. I'm. She leaves it in question. So there I am forced to imagine it all.

[B]

Well, keep it to yourself.

[A]

Here's the state of the state.

[B]

I'm gonna bend over the edge of

[A]

this here bed and grab that dogging strap. Lick this. I'm covered in butter, rum, oil, like a great big cookie. Enough. All right.

[B]

Sorry.

[A]

You know, you're thinking about it.

[B]

No, you.

[A]

A little bit. It's 6:26. We'll have a SWAT team on our ass or something. Why, any minute now, I can see him busting. Because I'm sexually curious about Governor Napolitano. I'm going to get killed now. Well, that's just a bad. That's a bad country, and I don't want to live in it. If it's a country where I can't picture a giant lesbian making love to me without fear of a bullet piercing me in the head, then it's a place I don't want to live. It's a country I don't want to be in. Rich, hum the national anthem. I believe in a world where you can take the governor, who obviously a giant lesbian, and you can see her naked in your dreams. And you can make love to her with the doggy strap and covenant. But that really. I don't either.

[B]

Sound like Taps.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know why I think he's playing Taps. He forgot the national anthem. Well, he's busy. Got a lot on his mind on those sugar walls now. That's too far. I don't need you saying it.

[B]

There you are in your.

[A]

Stand there. Next. We gave white uniform. All right. You want me on these sugar walls.

[B]

Stop it.

[A]

You need me on these sugar walls. Send me a little courtesy homeward and get that doggy strap

[B]

you're hung up on. Doggy strap.

[A]

Right. Pull my hair. Spank it. Governor Napolitano. This is weird, but I love it foreign. Let's do our Kegel exercises before we go to sleep.

[B]

All right.

[A]

6:27 in the morning. Did you get it out of your system? I think so. It's out. I'll be in the bathroom. This is the Brady Report. Brady Report.

[B]

The number one reason why none of us want to go to prison is. Has been eliminated. According to this two year study, 940 gram was spent on it. US Justice Department just concluded prison rape barely ever happens.

[A]

Really?

[B]

The study was done by Mark Flesher, cultural anthropologist who specializes in prisons and crime at Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland. He spent more than 700 hours interviewing

[A]

do you think they're gonna admit it? What are they trying to. What are they trying to encourage tourism? Why would they. Why are they trying to clean up their image?

[B]

He interviewed 564 prison prisoners and none of them claim they had been.

[A]

Of course not.

[B]

He says it's unlikely that all stars are going to align properly for prison rape to happen, particularly in prisons today. You've got. You're gonna get caught. According to him, most of the inmates who cry rape are lying or doing it for money publicly or doing it for a transfer to another cell. He adds that inmate sexual activity is not violent or aggressive. It's engaged in by men and women who choose it. Findings obviously contradict with other studies that have been conducted. Just last July, the government's Bureau of Justice Statistics released a report saying that 3.15 complaints of sexual violence violence per 1,000 inmates.

[A]

That's too many.

[B]

Still very low though, don't you think?

[A]

Yeah, but there's still a chance.

[B]

Reggie Walton, a federal judge who runs the National Prison Rape Elimination Commission, says that Mark's conclusions are, quote, asinine, totally inconsistent with what he's learned about during the 30 years of criminal justice.

[A]

So he says it happens all the time and the other guy says it hardly happens.

[B]

Well, a little more than 3%.

[A]

Yeah, 3% still too high.

[B]

That's less than 3. If.

[A]

Can you give him like a different porno mag a month or something? Just. No, you don't want to get them all fired up. That's what causes it really.

[B]

There's a lot of down low.

[A]

Well, sure. You got no options. So a few guys that are, you know, willing to jump over that fence.

[B]

I'm sure you heard about a couple of the speeches that were given on MLK day. One guy in the Maryland. Yeah. Mayor of New Orleans, Raging Ray Nagin. What'd you say on Monday?

[A]

Scared me for a second.

[B]

He said he'd hope that New Orleans would be quote, chocolate again real soon after getting blasted yesterday for Spouting out what easily could have been mistaken for racial separatist rhetoric. Dr. Martin Luther King's. On Dr. Martin Luther King's holiday. Megan apologized. He would like to renege in his statement, but he said, I apologize to any resident in this city that may have been offended. That was not my intention. I thought it was appropriate to address some of the concerns and frustrations I'm hearing from the African American community. And he was supposed to be on Anderson Cooper yesterday. And he agreed to come on in the morning. He confirms at 6pm and then all of a sudden they get a call from the office, there's an emergency. Well, there he is dining at this bourbon restaurant.

[A]

Really?

[B]

And Anderson Cooper had one of his correspondence outside hide the window. Is he in there eating dinner right now? Yes, he is.

[A]

And he was supposed to be on the show.

[B]

Some emergency. Wow. But again, you know what?

[A]

What did he say now? I know he said something. He said he wanted the city to be chocolate again, but the city is chocolate.

[B]

That just stuck out forever.

[A]

He's right. And then he's stuff about the war. I know too. I don't know anything about that, but I know that New Orleans is the majority of a black town. And if a black guy calls black people chocolate, it's okay. So what, he wants all the white people out of there? Yeah. Yes. If a white dude said, I want this city to be chocolate again, it's bad. There's a double standard. But if a black guy calls black people chocolate, it's cool.

[B]

Now you think they're worked up more. So about the term chocolate, I'm saying

[A]

you just make a big deal about it. He did say something about when you put chocolate with milk or something, it makes a great drink or some crap. I heard that. Really? So he did the. He did. He stole lines from the Black Eyed Peas, I guess. Put your milk in my cocoa puff.

[B]

Yeah. If I was him, I would immediately said, you know, you're twisting this around because there's many types of chocolate. There's white chocolate.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

There's chocolates with nuts. There's chocolates with mounds.

[A]

That swirly chocolate, you know, you get at the ice cream parlor where you mix it up. The mulatto at Dairy Queen. What a great speech. Megan, please.

[B]

This chocolates with fruit in it.

[A]

That's my naggin. But yeah, I don't understand. It is. You know, it's like I was watching on Martin Luther King down cold pizza when they were talking and Damian Woody, the patriots is the center Big black guy. And he said it was just great because us black athletes got together and as a group of black athletes, we went to New Orleans and we helped the people. And being a black athlete, he said black athletes like a million times. And I'm like, what if Peyton Manning was there going, man, group of us white athletes, we went down to New

[B]

Orleans because he's from there, he and his brother Eli.

[A]

But if he mentioned that it was all white athletes, it would be. It would be everybody being an uproar. So there is a double standard with it. And if Red Negan wants to call the city chocolate, he's chocolate too. So it's okay. Hear the words you say sometimes. I mean, who talks like that? 98, can ye repeat? It's John Holmberg here from the morning sickness and it's time to talk about turfmonstersaz.com I have turf in my backyard and the only regret I've got is that I did not do this sooner. I have turned my backyard into a playground. I got a putting green, I got a pitching green, I got a sport court and I got loads of turf. I never have to worry about dying or looking bad or watering. You can do it too. If you can dream up a beautiful backyard, the gang over there at Turf Monsters can make it a reality. All you have to do is check them out. Turfmonstersaz.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[B]

Well, then you got Hillary Clinton, who attended an event in Harlem run by Al Sharpton's National Action Network.

[A]

She's a looker.

[B]

She took some questions from the audience. Someone asked Hillary, what's the difference between Republicans and Democrats right now? Hillary went off on the Bush administration, of course. And then she says, when you look at the way the House of Representatives has been run, it has been run like a plantation. And you know what I'm talking about. Republican leaders, of course, and yesterday spent the day denouncing her remarks. Although by all accounts her remarks were met with thunderous applause by mostly black audience. Amazingly, the second time Hillary has compared the House of Republican run plantation, she did it in a CNN interview in 2004. She's catching a lot of heat for that.

[A]

Remember when opinions used to just be opinions? You're allowed to say anything you wanted without scrutiny. Yeah, like you could picture Janet Napolitano reverse cowgirl for five minutes. Why?

[B]

What is wrong with you? I don't know.

[A]

Why do you keep doing that? I don't know.

[B]

You know, I wonder if she meant the coffee plantation.

[A]

Nope. Slave. Slave plantation. Oh, yeah.

[B]

A few weeks ago I talked about 30 year old Chris Taylor of Leeds, England. He was in his apartment when someone said the name Gary on television. And his pet parrot Ziggy went crazy. Ziggy started making kissing noises and repeating the phrase I love you Gary. I love you, Gary.

[A]

His wife's cheating on him with a Gary.

[B]

But not in his own parrot voice. Ziggy was doing an impression of Chris's living girlfriend, 25 year old Susie Collins.

[A]

Parrots.

[B]

Chris did a little investigating figuring out Susie was whoring around with Gary.

[A]

Women whore around what they do. Yep.

[B]

So now just like guard dogs get all the love from the media and dmx, we have guard parrots.

[A]

It's brilliant.

[B]

Last week a burglar broke into James Herbs apartment in Williamsport, Pennsylvania. Started helping himself to James's stuff. But the burglar wasn't ready for James pet parrot Sunshine who bit him, clawed him and bloodied him.

[A]

Was he just loose?

[B]

You know a parrot can remove your finger in it.

[A]

Yeah. Their jaws are like. Or their little beak is like a knife. Stab it with a knife.

[B]

44 year old Michael Dieter was the burglar. He got away, but he was dripping blood. The police followed the trail, picked him up.

[A]

Eric, did you just give a hint on how you can't beat up a parrot? You shouldn't be robbing any. All right. I would payday stuntman. You. You versus a parrot. You would get your ass handed to the parrot. Just has to be angry, that's all. Yeah, the badass ones, right? Yeah. Badass parrot. Why do you think they keep them caged up? They eat kids. Kill that thing instantaneously. I would love to see. I'll be like Chuck Norris on that parrot. Arrange it.

[B]

Line up the camel first.

[A]

Yeah, Arrange it. Yeah. Because you're supposed to fight the camel. It wasn't a camel, it was an ostrich. I could kill the ostrich too.

[B]

It's a waste of a life though.

[A]

I pretend. Yeah. That parrot would eat you and we'd all laugh. And that parrot would over your corpse. A parrot. A parrot.

[B]

You are full of crap.

[A]

The meanest animals on the planet.

[B]

What?

[A]

They're angry.

[B]

Flare its wings. Your haymaker would be.

[A]

Yeah. So afraid. He's a robber.

[B]

Didn't have a damn gun.

[A]

That is true though. If you're gonna rob the place, you have to be ready for anything and apparent. Well, of course. Then you look at the paradise.

[B]

All I had to do was cover it with a blanket.

[A]

Yeah, that. That is defeating a paradise making. And I would just beat that blanket to a pulp. Okay, that's illegal in our fight because you can't. You couldn't do that in a real fight. Yeah, you can.

[B]

You can use whatever you want. Eric's used to beating things under the blanket.

[A]

I'll take my shirt off, cover. Oh, wouldn't I love to see that Eric's. Eric's chubby little body laying there with parrot bite marks out of it and a shirt laying across the room because he couldn't get over the parrot in time. That parrot would kick your ass so fast. So fast. And you'd scream. You scream at me when I come at you in the. In the wheelchair. Well, that's just scary. Like that old man from It's a Wonderful Life coming at me. What was his name? Copper Potter. No, that was bad.

[B]

Researchers at the Smurfit Institute of Genetics at Trinity College in Dublin, Ireland.

[A]

The Smurf Institute.

[B]

Smurfit.

[A]

Oh, they're only three apples high.

[B]

Have found that there's one Irish guy who's responsible for more than 3 million Irishmen alive today. The guys, his Name's Nile. Of nine hostages, a warlord in the 5th century who headed up Ireland's most powerful dynasty ever. In the process, he impregnated every woman he could find. Now more than3.3 million men worldwide have got his DNA.

[A]

All right, that could be me.

[B]

Pretty much everyone with the last name Gallagher, Boyle, o', Donnell, o', Doherty, Donald has descended from Nile. In northwest Ireland, a full 20% of the guy shares manly DNA. And in New York, with all the Irish who immigrated there, nearly 2% have Nile DNA.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Unfortunately for Nile, the number of his offspring doesn't even touch Genghis Khan. Back in the 13th century, Genghis was owning Asia. Even had more. He had more poon than Nile, too. Yes, almost 16 million descendants.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Direct DNA testing configure stuff like this out pretty new. And so there's a lot of genetic trees getting traced back to their roots. A study of Israel also has just found that 3.5 million of today's Jews are descended from four women.

[A]

Wow, that's. I thought Will Chamberlain was badass.

[B]

Yeah, I watched a special on Genghis Khan.

[A]

He was a hump machine.

[B]

And you know, he's working on that movie who's going to be playing Genghis?

[A]

Who? That Triple X. Oh, Vin Diesel. But he died falling off. And Genghis Khan wasn't gay. Yeah, he died when he tumbled off a horse.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

Then again, he's just probably empty. Yeah, he's tired. Just tired when I fell off a horse because my sack is so empty.

[B]

Well, a trial has begun and this is a case. A little review here. Before you go to a new dominatrix, make sure three things. One, she keeps her whips and anal probe sanitary. Two, she'll let you pick your. Let you pick your safety word that you can say even with a ball gag in your mouth. And again put over your head, your safety word, stop Napolitano. And then three, that she's licensed and bonded because you don't end up like Michael lord of Northampton, New Hampshire. According to the police, back in July of 2000, 53 year old Michael visited the dominatrix mistress, Lauren M. Whose real identity is 56 year old Barbara Asher. Michael went up to her dungeon slash condo. But right after she stripped him naked and strapped him to the medieval torture rack, he had a heart attack and died.

[A]

Oops. Instead of calling the cops, she just continue to mount.

[B]

Babs called her boyfriend, tried to revive Michael. They couldn't bring him back. So Barbara did what any of us would do. She left, used a hacksaw and dismembered Michael's succulent 280 pound body. Put his parts into eight different garbage bags, dumped them. In the main, he had a heart attack.

[A]

What's the big deal? Call the cop.

[B]

Yesterday, Barbara went a trial, dismemberment and, and manslaughter. She says the whole case is a complete fabrication. She never ever saw Michael in her life. Sure enough, forensic testing at her house didn't turn up any of Michael's DNA. Oh, neither did testing of Barbara or her boyfriend's cars. Oh, Michael's body was never found.

[A]

Maybe still around.

[B]

Barbara says the police should have followed up the leads.

[A]

Then how do they know he was dismembered?

[B]

Leads? Like one about Michael having a 20 year old affair with a married woman whose husband had threatened to kill him.

[A]

Wow, this is crazy. This would be a good movie.

[B]

Besides just the criminal charges, Barbara is also facing one million dollar wrongful death suit.

[A]

You just said she didn't kill him. She said she didn't kill him. Yeah, but they didn't find any evidence. How do they know he was dismembered?

[B]

If again, the trial's going on. Boy boys. So we'll keep you posted.

[A]

That's a good movie. That's going to be a good movie.

[B]

Might be a good little lead to follow Michael Douglas.

[A]

And maybe that would be the Michael Douglas Sharon Stone reunion because she was 53.

[B]

I'll leave you with this one. Almost seven years ago, a 32 year old Chinese man immigrated to Chicago. His name, Fu King Quok.

[A]

What is that? Brady.

[B]

Correct.

[A]

Quack. The Fuking.

[B]

It went by the name of Fook. But as you may realize, we're not the most culturally sensitive people. So no one really bothered to learn that pronunciation of Fook. Yeah, the Fook.

[A]

We call them something else.

[B]

So Mr. Quack won't have been tormented anymore. The Go county circuit court has approved his request to legally change his name to Chris.

[A]

It's always Chris.

[B]

Andy Kwok.

[A]

Andy. How do you go from Fooking to Andy? That's fooking.

[B]

Ridiculous.

[A]

I don't want to be called Fooking no more. The whole thing is a fucking quark.

[B]

Fooking.

[A]

The people in China have to realize what they're getting into when they do that. We need to learn cuss words in China and name our kids that. Fooking Quack don't move to America. How bad is it in China that you're gonna leave and your name is the F word? I go someplace I don't get ridiculed no more. Quack make new start.

[B]

Can you imagine?

[A]

He know. Little did he know. What's your name here. Okay, mister.

[B]

He meets and then he's meeting American women. Hey baby. You want some fuking love?

[A]

Get out of here, you bastard. I can't get enough of that. His life is over.

[B]

Not anymore. Andy Kwok.

[A]

Andy. Formery artist formerly known as Fooking. I love that guy. I want, I want Fooking Quack on this show. Fooking now that's great. Fooking Quack.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The day, every day he's got him. From the second he set foot on Ellis island and registered as a visitor. Everyone laughed.

[B]

There's got to be some of those names, you know, like in pitch where they have that giant book. The old book where people sign in. Yeah. I wonder how many.

[A]

Party of two.

[B]

How about cooking? Yeah. And then you have the Irish coming. Boy, you look a lot like Nile.

[A]

What's up? Must have been here already. I tried to get away from him. I made a magic carpet and I flew across the Atlantic Ocean. At least your name ain't a fooking quack.

[B]

Seamus, I have something to tell you. I slept with Niall.

[A]

Who hasn't? He's pushed half of Ireland through the flower. He's all a fooking quack. This country a fucking quack. Oh, I this I. When? The day he discovered the F word and what it really was. Oh, I gotta change my name to Andy.

[B]

You have a choice here. Chris, Andy or Steve.

[A]

Chris Andy. You can stick with fooking. No way. I learned what fooking mean last week. This crazy. I go with Andy. They try to trick him and leave it as cooking is a solid name. It also means proud warrior.

[B]

I like the name huge. Huge quack. I don't know about that. Full king.

[A]

Should I change my rat's name too? Oh no, go with cock. It's quack. No. Fucking cock was a good name.

[B]

No.

[A]

Why you call me that all the time? I learned what you're learn fooking Kwak Very close to something you guys say all the time. I go Andy. Andy Kock.

[B]

I like Prince.

[A]

Yeah homie7 I'm mysterious like an orient fluking quack. If you're listening, you sell out. Don't be Andy. Stay with it.

[B]

Maybe he goes into rapping little quack.

[A]

I did a quack, but I got a big fuking quack the whole show. It's 98K upd. It's out of control now. 98k upd.