02-19-26 - FULL SHOW - THURSDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD - Best Ofs

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness: Best Ofs (02-19-26)

Arizona’s #1 Morning Radio Show on 98KUPD

Host: John Holmberg
Co-hosts: Brady Bogan, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo

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Episode Overview

This "Best Of" episode delivers a whirlwind of signature morning show chaos, riff-filled banter, audience call-ins, irreverent comedy, and enduring Arizona inside jokes. The main focus is the now-infamous “Goot, Shat, Swaz” trivia game, in which participants must quickly identify films or references as belonging to either Steve Guttenberg (the Goot), William Shatner (the Shat), or Patrick Swayze (the Swaz), with little margin for error and plenty of laughs for everyone’s mistakes. Beyond the game, the team dives into bizarre news stories, relentless listener interaction, outlandish hypotheticals about Arizona Governor Napolitano, and ultimately attempts to negotiate an RV purchase live on air. The episode is packed with the show’s trademark mix of mischief, pop culture references, and off-the-cuff Arizona flavor.

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Key Segments & Discussion Points

“Goot, Shat, Swaz” Trivia Game

[00:39 – 16:40]

• Game Intro & Rules:
  The team introduces their new, “stupidest game ever.” Listeners call in and pick a host’s list; each item requires rapid-fire association of a film or reference to “Goot” (Guttenberg), “Shat” (Shatner), or “Swaz” (Swayze). Stumble, hesitate, or answer wrong, and they're out.

  • "Basically what it is is we name something, you name who's affiliated with it: Steve Guttenberg, William Shatner, Patrick Swayze…" — John Holmberg [00:39]

• Listener Participation & Meltdowns:
  Multiple callers attempt and rapidly fail, with the hosts razzing each attempt and marveling at how the simple game is far harder under pressure. Frequent resets and giggling punctuate the attempt.

  • “People are freezing. It’s tougher in the hot seat, I think.” — John Holmberg [04:05]
  • “You gotta be a quick thinker. Look at the shat, the swaz.” — John Holmberg [06:25]

• First Notable Success:
  Paula, one of the few female callers, nails 9 out of 10, subverting the show’s male-dominated movie-quoting bravado.

  • “We couldn’t have been more wrong about the ladies. We figured I was angry, that’s why I got in. Men are dumb. Women smart.” — John Holmberg [15:23]

Memorable Quote:
“Sorry, Poopy Pants.” — Brady Bogan, to a repeatedly failing caller [05:16]
“Gooch et Swaz. Impossible.” — John Holmberg [05:47]

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Outrageous Arizona Banter: Governor Napolitano

[18:00 – 24:07]

• Hypotheticals & Running Gags:
  Holmberg launches into an extended, intentionally absurd, and explicit riff speculating about Governor Janet Napolitano’s sex life, spinning out a soap-opera scenario featuring leather straps, hair-pulling, and “doggy straps,” all while co-hosts react in mock horror.

  • “I just picture her sexually because her sexual decision making is in question. Now when I see her, I’m like, she’s doing okay, but I really want to know what she’s like in the bedroom.” — John Holmberg [19:39]

• Meta Commentary on Respect & Politicians:
  Underneath the laughs, the team debates why such topics are taboo, venting about double standards, respect for elected officials, and “the right to imagine.”

• Goes Over the Top:
  The vivid hypothetical culminates in Holmberg’s declaration about freedom:

  • “If it’s a country where I can’t picture a giant lesbian making love to me without fear of a bullet piercing me in the head, then it’s a place I don’t want to live.” — John Holmberg [22:12]

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Brady’s Weird News & Oddities

[24:16 – 43:44]

• Stories Discussed:
  • Prison Rape Mythbusting: A new study claims prison rape is rare; hosts are skeptical. [24:16]
    • “Of course not [they wouldn’t admit it]. What are they trying to encourage tourism?” — John Holmberg [24:46]
  • Racial Rhetoric in Politics: Discussion of New Orleans’ mayor Ray Nagin’s “chocolate city” comments, double standards in racial language, and Hillary Clinton’s “plantation” analogy at an event. [26:39–31:55]
  • Cheating Exposed by a Parrot: A man's parrot reveals a girlfriend’s affair by mimicking her voice, plus a story about a guard parrot foiling a robbery. [31:55–33:38]
    • “Women whore around, what they do. Yep.” — John Holmberg [32:27]
  • Genetics: Irish families traced to one ancient warlord; Genghis Khan’s millions of descendants. [35:05–36:39]
  • Dominatrix Dismemberment: Bizarre trial involving a dominatrix whose client dies during a session—she dismembers and disposes of him. [37:03]
  • Name Change Funnies: A Chinese immigrant named "Fu King Kwok" legally becomes "Andy" due to years of ridicule.
    • “How do you go from Fooking to Andy? That’s fooking ridiculous.” — John Holmberg [40:13]

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The Infamous RV Purchase Negotiation (“The Chieftain”)

[44:33 – 62:57]

• Background:
  Co-host Toledo contemplates buying a 1972 Winnebago Chieftain RV, despite recent financial setbacks. Holmberg and team suspect an impending disaster and relentlessly tease him.

  • “Who buys a 40-year-old, $650 house?” — John Holmberg [49:06]

• Live Phone Negotiation:
  They call Kevin, the seller, live on-air. The conversation becomes a comedy of errors: questionable repairs, missing tires, unclear engine status, and the infamous bathroom.

  • “Can you pee in it?” “Oh yeah.” — [52:08]
  • “I mean, you got stuff to do in the bedroom…” — Kevin (the seller) [53:31]

• Haggling:
  Deal is ultimately struck—$410 and a chainsaw (allegedly autographed by Jesse James Dupree of Jackyl) for the RV.

  • “350 and the chainsaw, Kevin.” — John Holmberg [57:10]
  • “410 and the chainsaw. Toledo, swing it!” — John Holmberg [58:27]

• Listener Calls & Reactions:
  Callers weigh in, comparing Kevin to Randy Quaid’s unforgettable “Cousin Eddie” from Vacation, and predicting doom for Toledo and his son in the “meat rig.” - “You can pee in it. That’s what I would get on the back.” — John Holmberg [67:04] - “You’re gonna die in that, Toledo. Mark my words.” — John Holmberg [73:30]

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Final Banter & Listener Stories

[76:04–end]

• Wife Logic & Home Mishaps:
  Holmberg details his wife’s “Megan911” moments, such as being afraid of snake skins and assuming “accidental architecture” resulted in the Cubs’ new stadium resembling Wrigley Field. - “Did they do that on purpose? Nope.” — John Holmberg [76:32]

• Bird Impact Story:
  Holmberg refuses to clean up bird guts on the window—“that’s women’s work”—after already disposing of the body. The guys riff on traditional divides and movie references alongside the daily grind of Arizona home life.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On the Impossible Game:
  “Goochet Swaz. Impossible. We’ll try one more here because it’s just... it’s too quick.” — John Holmberg [05:47]

• Banter About Arizona Governor Janet Napolitano:
  “If it’s a country where I can’t picture a giant lesbian making love to me without fear of a bullet piercing me in the head, then it’s a place I don’t want to live.” — John Holmberg [22:12]

• On the Epic RV Negotiation:
  “Who buys a 40 year old... the $650 house? Who? It’s a renovation project. You don’t have any money.” — John Holmberg [49:06]
  “Can you pee in it? Well, you can pee in it.” — John Holmberg [67:04]

• On Double Standards:
  “If a black guy calls black people chocolate, it’s okay. So what? He wants all the white people out of there... There is a double standard with it.” — John Holmberg [28:13, 29:47]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:39 – Goot, Shat, Swaz Game Intro & First Attempts
• 05:17 – Memorable Caller: “Poopy Pants” tries the game
• 14:45 – First female caller dominates the game (Paula’s near-win)
• 18:00 – Holmberg’s Janet Napolitano riff
• 24:16 – Brady’s news: Prison rape study and politics
• 31:55 – News of cheating parrot and “guard parrot” stories
• 44:33 – Toledo’s RV purchase saga starts
• 50:01 – Phone negotiation with Kevin, the RV seller
• 57:10 – Sealing the RV deal: $350 and a chainsaw
• 62:53 – Listener reactions & more white trash deals
• 76:04 – Accidental architecture/life with “Megan911” moments

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Takeaways for New Listeners

• The “Goot, Shat, Swaz” game embodies the show's freewheeling silliness and deep well of pop culture reference.
• The show’s irreverent, edgy banter consistently pushes boundaries, especially around local Arizona personalities.
• Listener interaction isn’t just welcomed but actively forms a key on-air element—expect running jokes to build across calls.
• There’s an Arizona-specific flavor (local politics, RVs, financial struggles, camping, backyard wildlife) recurring throughout.
• Negotiating real-world deals on-air (as with the Winnebago) is classic HMS: part comedy sketch, part live-action sitcom.
• The tone is quick-witted, sometimes bawdy, never sentimental—and always ready to puncture pretension or everyday idiocy.

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If you love movie trivia, local Arizona in-jokes, listener mayhem, and dangerous deals made on the fly, this is essential HMS listening.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

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[Brady Bogan]

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[John Holmberg]

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[Brady Bogan]

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[John Holmberg]

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Well, with a name your price tool from Progressive, you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills. Try [e-mail], progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law. Not available in all states. Do not listen to this while driving or when full alertness is needed. The rest of homework's morning sickness. This is the big red radio and it is time to start our brand new game. The the Just give me what you got. I don't even care. Alright, so 7:30 in the morning sickness new game we're playing called Goot Shat Swaz. And we're very excited about our new game the Goot, the shot, the Swaz. Because the Goot the Shat, the Swaz is a game W. That's perfect. And this from Go. This is the theme music for Gooch at Swaz. And basically what it is is we name something, you name who's affiliated with it. Steve Guttenberg, William Shatner, Patrick Swayze. But you either say Goo Chat Swat and if you stumble, if you goof, if you make a mistake, you are immediately quacked. The rules of the game, the goot, the shat, the suave. And you if you don't go quick enough, we're gonna hook you. You get there and go right, you're done. You can't think about it. It's gooch et cetera. It's basically your first thought that comes to your mind, Gooch et cetera. And you get through this thing, if you miss one, you're out. Now the first one to get 10, right? We'll give the corn tickets away, okay? Okay. Why not?

[Brady Bogan]

Once they miss, do you stop on the list or do we start over?

[John Holmberg]

They stop on the list and start over. And then you start over. Now, if you pick a list now, it could be any. We have each have different lists. And you start from the bottom and work your way up. Or either way, guys. So on your own, right? So I have my list of 10. Eric has a list of 10. Brady has a list of 10. You can pick one of the three of us and attempt our gauntlet of gut. Shat, swaz. Let's go to the phones. Line five. Who's this?

[Caller/Listener]

This is Chris.

[John Holmberg]

Chris, how are you this morning?

[Caller/Listener]

Great.

[John Holmberg]

Do you know your goot, Shat, swas? All right, we'll see. You know them. Okay, now pick one of us. Either Eric, Brady or myself, John. Okay, you're going to pick John for the goot, the shat and the swaz. I will name something. You say goot, shat, swaz. Are you ready? I'm ready. And he stumb. Fumbling and you're done. Okay.

[Caller/Listener]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

All right, here we go. Red Dawn. She's like the wind, dude. TJ Hooker. I'm sorry. Good call. It's hard to pay attention. I'm sorry. You missed it. I apologize. Hello there. Who's this?

[Caller/Listener]

What's up, Fred?

[John Holmberg]

Fred. It's time for good shots. Was pick John, Eric or Brady?

[Caller/Listener]

Or Brady.

[John Holmberg]

Going for Brady's list. Brady, are you ready?

[Brady Bogan]

Airplane two out.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Sorry. Much harder game than it seems. Hi there. Who's this? Turn your radio down. Who is this?

[Caller/Listener]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

It's gonna be a second till they hear me. Turn your radio down. That's all right. Goodbye there. Who's this?

[Caller/Listener]

Mike.

[John Holmberg]

Mike, how are you?

[Caller/Listener]

Good. And yourself?

[John Holmberg]

I'm doing all right. Do you know your goochet swas?

[Caller/Listener]

I'm gonna try it.

[John Holmberg]

Let's practice. Say it. Good.

[Caller/Listener]

Good.

[John Holmberg]

Chat.

[Caller/Listener]

Chat.

[John Holmberg]

Swa. Swa. Nice. Nice. I think this guy's ready to go. You want John, Eric or Brady?

[Caller/Listener]

Brady. Brady.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Go ahead.

[Brady Bogan]

Airplane 2 Swa.

[John Holmberg]

You're out. Oh, my God. Let's see. People are freezing. It's tougher in the hot seat, I think. Let's try another one. Gucci is hard. This is for corn tickets. Who's this?

[Caller/Listener]

Thomas.

[John Holmberg]

Thomas. Thomas Wells. Okay. How are you, Thomas? Are you ready? Do you know your gooch at swaz?

[Caller/Listener]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Let's practice. Goot dude chat. All right. Pick Brady, John or Eric.

[Caller/Listener]

Eric.

[John Holmberg]

Eric. Your list goes. Go.

[Brady Bogan]

Short circuit.

[John Holmberg]

Goot. Lucy in the sky with diamonds. Sorry. Anyway, guys, you can't get past two of them. The goot, the shat, the swaz. Impossible. Either. Who's this?

[Caller/Listener]

Poopy pants.

[John Holmberg]

Poopy Pants. Are you ready to play Goot Chatswa?

[Caller/Listener]

Goot.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Practice once. Goot. All right. Nice job. Who you want? John, Eric or Brady?

[Caller/Listener]

I want Johnny Boy.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Ready to go. Here we go. Ready?

[Caller/Listener]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Red Dawn. TJ Hooker.

[Caller/Listener]

Chat.

[John Holmberg]

She's like the wind. Oh, sorry. And Be Song. Nice try. Sorry. Sorry. Wow.

[Brady Bogan]

Sorry. Poopy pants.

[John Holmberg]

Poopy pants.

[Brady Bogan]

Change them up.

[John Holmberg]

Try one more here on this round. Hi there. Who's this? It's the gambler. Gambler. Can you play Good chat Swas. All right. In the house. All right. The three best actors of our generation. John, Eric or Brady.

[Caller/Listener]

John.

[John Holmberg]

All right. He's going with me again. Ready? Unchained. Melody.

[Caller/Listener]

Chad.

[John Holmberg]

Melody.

[Brady Bogan]

Gambler.

[John Holmberg]

Gambler's house.

[Brady Bogan]

I thought he was going to be a player.

[John Holmberg]

He ain't no player. He's. Don't play a hate.

[Brady Bogan]

He's just a gold digger.

[John Holmberg]

Don't hate to play. I hate the game. Goochet. Swaz. Impossible. We'll try one more here because it's just. It's too quick. Hi there. Who's this?

[Caller/Listener]

Ray.

[John Holmberg]

Ray Gooch et Swath.

[Caller/Listener]

Good chat Swa.

[John Holmberg]

Are you ready? Yep. Who do you want?

[Caller/Listener]

Eric.

[John Holmberg]

Eric. Okay, Eric. Give him your list. Fire away.

[Caller/Listener]

Go.

[Brady Bogan]

Short circuit.

[Caller/Listener]

Goot.

[John Holmberg]

Lucy in the sky with Diamonds.

[Caller/Listener]

Chat.

[John Holmberg]

Next of kin.

[Caller/Listener]

Chat.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, this is fun. The stupidest, stupidest game ever. Sorry, man. See ya. We got to do another round of it. We got three was the record. You got to be a quick thinker. Yeah. Look at the shot. The swan.

[Brady Bogan]

Ah.

[John Holmberg]

I didn't kill my wife.

[Caller/Listener]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

I will get another. We'll get another couple lists going. You people have got to get better at your good chat swaz trivia.

[Brady Bogan]

You're Jonah Utah.

[John Holmberg]

It's hard if you do it to me. Let's see if I can get through your list. Brady. Ready? We'll get you another list. Ready? And go.

[Brady Bogan]

Airplane two.

[John Holmberg]

Start over. Chat.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay. Cocoon.

[John Holmberg]

Goot.

[Brady Bogan]

Priceline. Dot com.

[John Holmberg]

Chat.

[Brady Bogan]

The outsiders.

[John Holmberg]

Swaz.

[Brady Bogan]

Ms. Congeniality.

[John Holmberg]

Chat.

[Brady Bogan]

Point Break.

[Caller/Listener]

Chat.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, God. So stupid. It's a hard game, damn it.

[Brady Bogan]

It does make you want to play it.

[John Holmberg]

You want to play. Ready? You're gonna waste our list. Yeah, we got all we got. So much for the listeners. But it's fun. We'll play here once.

[Brady Bogan]

We're for corn tickets. Let me in.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Brady's in for corn tickets. Ready?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Red Dawn.

[Brady Bogan]

Swoz.

[John Holmberg]

Black Dog. Goot. Oh, Goochette. Swaz. Impossible. Trivia. Corn tickets via Goochat. Swise. After the break.

[Brady Bogan]

That was the trucker movie.

[John Holmberg]

It's 98 Kuppd. Right? Black Dog. Trucker movie. It's the best of Homburg's morning sickness. It's time for round two of the Goot. The Shat, the Swaz. It is a game we like to play with our three favorite actors of all time, with the exception of Steve Gutenberg and Patrick Swayze. I think one of the guys is outside, he wants to play real quick. Yeah. Is he outside? I think so. We will. Somebody emailed and said, what is goochat? Swaz? What is Gucci? We give you a reference, you tell us if it's Steve Gutenberg, William Shatner, Patrick Swayze, greatest actors of all time. Exactly.

[Brady Bogan]

Brady in a corner.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. Brady, that was beautiful.

[Brady Bogan]

Thank you.

[John Holmberg]

And someday this game will evolve into quotes, lyrics, maybe even. But one of the. He's outside. Ah, well, to play a game. You want to play shot. I want to play a game. I didn't kill my wife. All right, let's see if you. It's good to be here. It's good to have to see you. If you. If you win, you get corn tickets. I wanna see cool. I bet you do. Ah, wanna say cool.

[Brady Bogan]

Jenny Crane.

[John Holmberg]

No trash yet. Danny Crane. What a try. Go.

[Caller/Listener]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

Tribbles, Chat. Staying alive. Chap. No Swaz. You weren't in that. Sorry. I was up for that part. Boston Legal. There you go. Done it.

[Caller/Listener]

Great.

[John Holmberg]

Police Academy 4. You weren't in that. I have seen it. Weren't you in the second one though? I was. I think you were. Ah, don't remember which ones I've been in. There's been so many. You lost. You. You're a loser. Don't have any idea what you're talking about. Chat out.

[Brady Bogan]

Star Nate.

[John Holmberg]

Shout out. Stardate 1 1806.6. These are the voyages of the shack. I don't like doing that anymore, dude.

[Brady Bogan]

See you, Danny.

[John Holmberg]

Get alive. The Shadow Swats Chat didn't do very well either. And he's in it. Part of his deal. Are you ready? And it's all guys on the phone. And Eric made an interesting point. Chicks couldn't play this game. It's too. It's too fast. Too quick for him.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, but they're not big on the movie trivia so much either.

[John Holmberg]

The Goot, the Chat. Swaz. Yeah, they're big on. They're big and the swaz. Maybe not the shat, but they're big on the goot.

[Brady Bogan]

And the swaz, I would say swaz. Heavier than the. Than all of them.

[John Holmberg]

Suaz is probably numero uno for the ladies. Yeah, I'm with you on that one. All right, let's go to the phones and see if we can get a winner in. Good chat. Swaz. Corn tickets on the line. Hi, there. Who's this?

[Caller/Listener]

This is Jesse.

[John Holmberg]

Jesse, do you know your Gooch ETs was.

[Caller/Listener]

I'm gonna try, man. I want corn tickets.

[John Holmberg]

Give me a practice run. Goot.

[Caller/Listener]

Cocoon.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no. You're doing it backwards. You say what I say. I just want to make sure you know. Goot. Swaz.

[Caller/Listener]

Swaz.

[John Holmberg]

I switched it up on him and he followed me. Good work. All right, who do you want, John, Eric or Brady? All right. Gonna give Eric a run. Here we go. Eric. Go.

[Brady Bogan]

Short Circuit, Dude.

[John Holmberg]

Lucy in the sky with Diamonds.

[Caller/Listener]

Shat.

[John Holmberg]

Next of Kin.

[Caller/Listener]

Swat.

[John Holmberg]

Home for the Holidays.

[Caller/Listener]

Shit.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man. Almost. All right, try again.

[Brady Bogan]

That was one of those Hallmark movies, wasn't it?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, either. Who's this?

[Caller/Listener]

It doesn't matter who this is.

[John Holmberg]

Just bring it, goat shit. All right, are you ready? Who do you want? John, Erica, Brady.

[Caller/Listener]

John.

[John Holmberg]

All right, are you ready? Go. Red Dawn.

[Caller/Listener]

Dad.

[John Holmberg]

Suck it, sorry sack.

[Brady Bogan]

That was Fred.

[John Holmberg]

Was it Fred again? Either. Who's this? Steve. Say that. Big D. Oh, D as in the letter. D as in bro.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Dallas Cowboy. All right, are you ready, John, Eric or Brady? Who do you want?

[Caller/Listener]

Brady.

[John Holmberg]

All right, he's gonna go with you. Brady. Go for it.

[Brady Bogan]

Airplane 2 set. Cocoon.

[Caller/Listener]

Goop.

[Brady Bogan]

Priceline.com.

[Caller/Listener]

chat.

[Brady Bogan]

The Outsiders.

[Caller/Listener]

Blaze.

[John Holmberg]

What?

[Brady Bogan]

Miss Congeniality.

[Caller/Listener]

Goop.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, screwed him up. Sorry about that. Sorry, man. Try again. The Goot. The Chat. The Swas. Nearly impossible to win, I think. Hi, there. Who's this?

[Caller/Listener]

Shane.

[John Holmberg]

Shane. How are you? Pretty good. You're not throwing the energy out for good shots. Was.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah, I'm trying, you know, I'm trying to remember all the movies.

[John Holmberg]

I know. It's brutal, isn't it? And plus, I think, scientifically, the three hardest things to keep your brain from saying when you're thinking, you say shat. Thinking. Swaz, you say goot.

[Brady Bogan]

To probably combinations. Just being awe of the stardom, the power.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you're definitely. You're shouting out the names of the three most powerful men in Hollywood history. All right, who do you want, John, Eric or Brady?

[Caller/Listener]

Brady.

[John Holmberg]

All right, Brady, you're up. Go for it.

[Brady Bogan]

Airplane 2.

[Caller/Listener]

Chat.

[Brady Bogan]

Cocoon.

[Caller/Listener]

Not good.

[Brady Bogan]

Priceline.com.

[Caller/Listener]

chat.

[Brady Bogan]

The outsiders.

[Caller/Listener]

Chat.

[John Holmberg]

Any outsiders. Sorry. You see them all greased up. Yeah. I think it's time we kick some ass. Those guys are on our terms. Ah. Stay gold, Pony Boy. Aren't you old to be in our gang? I don't think age has anything to do with it. Denny Crane. Danny Crane. Pony Boy.

[Brady Bogan]

Get me more dilithium crystals.

[John Holmberg]

Gold Pony Boy. I'm punching as fast as I can. Swaz. Give me a rating either. Who's this?

[Caller/Listener]

Poopy Pants.

[John Holmberg]

Poopy Pants, back in. That's all right. Hey, we just let him through. Let him through. Hold on a second, Poopy Pants. I gotta sneeze it. Kill time.

[Brady Bogan]

All right, Poopy Pants. Who you picking, though? First of all, do a little practice run.

[Caller/Listener]

What's that?

[John Holmberg]

Pick somebody. John. Erica Brady.

[Caller/Listener]

Give me Eric.

[John Holmberg]

Eric. All right. Ready to go? Here you go. Hit it, Tribbles.

[Caller/Listener]

Dude, no.

[John Holmberg]

Sorry. Booby bands is over. Stupidest game ever.

[Brady Bogan]

Poopy Pants made it too deep, I think.

[John Holmberg]

Who's this?

[Caller/Listener]

It's Paula.

[John Holmberg]

We'll see if you prove us wrong. Yeah. Do you know your gooch, your shat and your swas. I. Yeah, I've been doing pretty good

[Caller/Listener]

self while listening to you.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Do you have. When you were a girl, Paula, did you have. Not like you're not now, but a younger woman. Did you have swaz posters all over your bedroom? No way. A couple Outsiders posters?

[Caller/Listener]

No, no, no.

[John Holmberg]

Did you ever touch the bald men in the canoe to the shat? That, in a way, is its own strange blumpkin. All right, here we go.

[Brady Bogan]

How deep? Over and under. How deep?

[John Holmberg]

She's. She'll go two.

[Caller/Listener]

Four.

[John Holmberg]

She'll go two. Two.

[Brady Bogan]

I got a five.

[John Holmberg]

All right, you go five. Who do you want, John, Eric or Brady?

[Caller/Listener]

John.

[John Holmberg]

All right. You're gonna take me. Ready?

[Caller/Listener]

Huh?

[John Holmberg]

Red Dawn.

[Caller/Listener]

Rust.

[John Holmberg]

She's like the Wind. TJ Hooker. Chat Diner Goot. Unchained Melody. Black Dog. Denny Crane. Dedicated. I'm sorry. Denny Crane.

[Caller/Listener]

Chat.

[John Holmberg]

Zeus and Roxanne. City of Joy. Waking up in Reno. You missed the last one. You missed the last one. All right. It's a great one. It's a great movie, actually. Oh, we're going to give. We're going to give you something, though, because nine is amazing. And we couldn't have been more wrong about the ladies. We figured I was angry, that's why I got in. Well, you did it. And you proved them wrong. Men are dumb. Women smart. Me like you. Hold on a second. Nice job. We have our first pseudo winner. 9 out of 10, she got in the gooch.

[Brady Bogan]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

Zeus and Roxanne. Zeus and Roxanne didn't even phase her Gooch. Because you know why? I just figured it out. We're wrong. Chicks dig terrible movies. That's true. They watch.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

Stupid. Brady. Don't start me on Ronnie's movie taste. Ronnie walked out of butterfly effect. That was good. And we're all like, huh? We thought she was kidding. Don't start me on Ronnie's movies.

[Brady Bogan]

That's a tough one.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You even know about Ronnie's movies? Your girlfriend's movie taste is terrible. Like all women, they like bad movies. That's why dodgeball made a billion dollars. All right, the goot, the shat, the swaz. We have our first kind of pseudo winner. We'll do another round of this. I'm enjoying the crap.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, well, now it's a challenge to

[John Holmberg]

the now the men. Yeah, now women are better than men at the gout, the chat, the swas. And here we are all the time quoting movies as guys thinking we know everything about. There she was. Blew through nine of them.

[Brady Bogan]

Now, she was crafty and she said, ask it again.

[John Holmberg]

Well, she got it. I think she just misunderstood, man. She just. Hey, she misunderstood. I'll give you one pass. Oh, yeah? I'll give you one. It's out of control now. This episode is brought to you by progressive insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Well, with a name your price tool from progressive, you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills. Try [e-mail] Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates Price and coverage match limited by state law. Not available in all states. This episode is brought to you by progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Well, with the name your price tool from progressive, you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills. Try [e-mail] Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates Price and coverage match limited by state law. Not available in all states. The best of home birth's morning sickness. Do you think governor Napolitano does like having her hair pulled? See, you know her lesbian hair just enough to just get it up under from the neck. Why do you hate her so much? I don't hate her. I just. I want to mention certain things about her that no one else mentions.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, that hair.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, different hair. Toledo. Not just fat hair. Tricking her up like. Like I passed out and you're a caveman and you just grab any pelt you see and drag me to your cave. Yeah, right there.

[Brady Bogan]

He's got a fascination with nappy.

[John Holmberg]

Pull me up by the pews.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't think she'd ever say that.

[John Holmberg]

I do. I think Nappy likes it dirty.

[Brady Bogan]

That could be. But she still wouldn't say that.

[John Holmberg]

Roll me over.

[Brady Bogan]

Maybe I'm gonna bark.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I like it like that. Big fella.

[Brady Bogan]

Big fella.

[John Holmberg]

Well, everybody's talking that she's not. You know, everybody gives me a hard time when I call her a lesbian. Oh, you can't call the governor a lesbian. She is one, and there's nothing wrong with it. I wish she'd come out.

[Brady Bogan]

Guess some people would say, well, she pretty much has. But then.

[John Holmberg]

But she hasn't. It doesn't matter. She's the governor. Exactly. So since when do you have respect for anybody? As long as she does a good job, I don't care. I don't either. So why not just say, yeah, I like licking it. Next question. If she was more forthright with it, it wouldn't be so funny. I'm turning over a new leaf, John. I'm not gonna let you pick on everyone. You know what else you can turn? Pick a slot. A to B.

[Brady Bogan]

Big fella.

[John Holmberg]

Go ahead, big boy. Hey, chief. Stuff it in one of these.

[Brady Bogan]

Sheesh.

[John Holmberg]

You are a jerk. I know. I just picture her sexually because her sexual decision making is in question. So now when I see her, I'm like, she's doing okay, but I really want to know what she's like in the bedroom. Well, maybe someday you'll get to hook what she prefers. Wouldn't that be great if Nappy and I had that love hate thing and then it kind of blossomed into a love Governor Napolitano. Home bird. You stumble into a bar one night. Yeah, Nobody's business. How many beers would that take?

[Brady Bogan]

That could be love American style.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they have to down a 30 pack. I don't know. I can't concentrate on governing. There's this DJ I can't get out of my beer.

[Caller/Listener]

Boring.

[Brady Bogan]

You guys can have your little code. You. She could wear a tie that you gave her. Saying that, you know, professing her love to you without saying it.

[John Holmberg]

On press conferences, I just get little text messages. Hey, homework. I'm wearing that burlap thong you like. You'd have to do that Crocodile Dundee check on her first. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

You coming over tonight?

[John Holmberg]

This guy's a sheila.

[Brady Bogan]

Don't forget those Cuban.

[John Holmberg]

Cuban cigars. I love Cuban cigars. In that strap for doggy. Because I like that thing. Guys are horrible. Throw it around. My waist and pull. Bring me that doggy strap, homebird. Let's go to fascinations. I'll put on a mustache. You put on a dress. We'll go on incognito.

[Brady Bogan]

Get that swing back from Bowers.

[John Holmberg]

Does she have any power? Could she, like, shut us down for all this crap? What? For us picturing her having sex? She's a human being, Eric. She's gonna call the FCC on you. She has needs. She has loins that get moist and engorged. What?

[Brady Bogan]

That's just not.

[John Holmberg]

We have a Brady Report to do or something. She's people.

[Brady Bogan]

Doesn't give me a hankering for waffles when you talk.

[John Holmberg]

No, it certainly does ruin the appetite. I just stepped out of the shower. Get the doggy strap.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't think of a stack of piping hot flapjacks with.

[John Holmberg]

It is literally making people ill. Picturing our governor. Megan Love, get under the covers with me. I'm not wearing anything. You know you want it.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay. No, you're just fascinating.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's. I am. I'm. She leaves it in question. So there I am, forced to imagine it all.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, keep it to yourself.

[John Holmberg]

Here's the state of the state.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm gonna bend over the edge of

[John Holmberg]

this here bed and grab that doggy strap, Lick this. I'm covered in butter, rum, oil, like a great big cookie.

[Caller/Listener]

Enough.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Sorry. You know, you're thinking about it. No, you little bit. It's 6:26. We're having a SWAT team on our ass or something.

[Caller/Listener]

Why?

[John Holmberg]

Any minute now, I can see him. Because I'm sexually curious about Governor Napolitano. I'm going to get killed now. Well, that's just a bad hit. That's a bad country, and I don't want to live in it. If it's a country where I can't picture a giant lesbian making love to me without fear of a bullet piercing me in the head, then it's a place I don't want to live. It's a country I don't want to be in. Rich, hum the national anthem. I believe in a world where you can take the governor, who obviously a giant lesbian, and you can see her naked in your dreams, and you can make love to her with a doggy strap. Governor and. But that's really. I don't either.

[Brady Bogan]

Sound like Taps.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I don't know why I think he's playing Taps. He forgot the national anthem. He's busy. Got a lot on his mind beyond those sugar walls now. That's too far I don't need you saying it. There you are in your stand there. Next we have white uniform. All right. You want me on these sugar walls. Stop it. You need me on these sugar walls. Send me a little courtesy homeward and get that dogg. You're hung up on.

[Brady Bogan]

Doggy strap, right?

[John Holmberg]

Pull my hair. Spank it. Governor Napolitano. This is weird, but I love it. Let's do our Kegel exercises before we go to sleep.

[Brady Bogan]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

6:27. Did you get it out of your system? I think so. It's out. I'll be in the bathroom. This is the Brady Report. Brady Report.

[Brady Bogan]

The number one reason why none of us want to go to prison is. Has been eliminated. According to this two year study. 940 gram was spent on it. US Justice Department just concluded prison rape barely ever happens.

[John Holmberg]

Really?

[Brady Bogan]

The study was done by Mark Flesher, cultural anthropologist who specializes in prisons and crime at Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland. He spent more than 700 hours interviewing.

[John Holmberg]

Do you think they're gonna admit it? What are they trying to. What are they trying to encourage tourism? Why would they. Why are they trying to clean up their image?

[Brady Bogan]

He interviewed 564 prison prisoners and none of them claim they'd been.

[John Holmberg]

Of course not.

[Brady Bogan]

He says it's unlikely that all stars you're going to all aligned properly for prison rape to happen, particularly in prisons today.

[John Holmberg]

You've got.

[Brady Bogan]

You're gonna get caught. According to him, most of the inmates who cry rape are lying or doing it for money publicly or doing it for a transfer to another cell. He adds that inmate sexual activity is not violent or aggressive. It's engaged in by men and women who choose it. Findings obviously contradict with other studies that have been conducted. Just last July, the government's Bureau of Justice Statistics released a report saying that 3.15 complaints of sexual violence per 1,000 inmates.

[John Holmberg]

That's too many.

[Brady Bogan]

Still very low though, don't you think?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but there's still a chance.

[Brady Bogan]

Reggie Walton, a federal judge who runs the National Prison Rape Elimination Commission, says that Mark's conclusions are, quote, asinine, totally inconsistent with what he's learned about during the 30 years of criminal justice.

[John Holmberg]

So he says it happens all the time and the other guy says it hardly happens.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, a little more than 3%.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, 3% still too high.

[Brady Bogan]

That's less than 3. If.

[John Holmberg]

Can you give him like a different porno mag a month or something? Just. No. You don't want to get them all fired up. That's what causes it, really.

[Brady Bogan]

I would think you Need. There's a lot of down low.

[John Holmberg]

Well, sure. You got no options. So a few guys that are, you know, willing to jump over that fence.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm sure you heard about a couple of the speeches that were given on MLK day. One guy in New Orleans. Yeah. Mayor of New Orleans Raging Ray Nagin. What'd you say on Monday?

[John Holmberg]

Scared me for a second.

[Brady Bogan]

He said he'd hope that New Orleans would be, quote, chocolate again real soon after getting blasted yesterday for spouting out what easily could have been mistaken for racial separatist rhetoric. Dr. Martin Luther King's. On Dr. Martin Luther King's holiday, Megan apologized. He would like to renege in his statement, but he said, I apologize to any resident in this city that may have been offended. That was not my intention. I thought it was appropriate to address some of the concerns and frustrations I'm hearing from the African American community. And he was supposed to be on Anderson Cooper yesterday, and he agreed to come on in the morning. He confirms at 6pm and then all of a sudden they get a call from the office.

[John Holmberg]

Office.

[Brady Bogan]

There's an emergency. Well, there he is dining at this bourbon restaurant.

[Caller/Listener]

Really?

[Brady Bogan]

And Anderson Cooper had one of his correspondence outside the window. Is he in there eating dinner right now? Yes, he is.

[John Holmberg]

And he was supposed to be on the show.

[Brady Bogan]

Some emergency.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Brady Bogan]

But again, you know. What?

[John Holmberg]

What did he say now? I know he said something when he said he wanted the city to be chocolate again, but the city is chocolate.

[Brady Bogan]

That just stuck out forever.

[John Holmberg]

He's right. And then he's stuff about the war. I know, too. I don't know anything about that, but I know that New Orleans is the majority of a black town. And if a black guy calls black people chocolate, it's okay. So what? He wants all the white people out of there. If. Yes, if a white dude said, I want this city to be chocolate again, it's bad. There's a double standard. But if a black guy calls black people chocolate, it's cool.

[Brady Bogan]

Now you think they're worked up more. So about the term chocolate, I don't

[John Holmberg]

know, just make a big deal about raisins. He did say something about when you put chocolate with milk or something, it makes a great drink or some crap. I heard that. Really? So we did the. He did. He stole lines from the Black Eyed Peas, I guess. Put your milk in my Cocoa Puff. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

If I was him, I would immediately said, you know, you're twisting this around because there's many types of chocolate to.

[John Holmberg]

There's white chocolate that's true.

[Brady Bogan]

There's chocolates with nuts. There's chocolates with mounds.

[John Holmberg]

That swirly chocolate, you know, you get at the ice cream parlor where you mix it up. The mulatto at Dairy Queen. What a great speech. Negan, please.

[Brady Bogan]

There's chocolates with fruits in it.

[John Holmberg]

That's my nagging. But, yeah, I don't understand. It is. You know, it's like I was watching on Martin Luther King down cold pizza when they were talking. And Damian Woody, the Patriots, is what center? Big black guy. And he said it was just great because us black athletes got together, and as a group of black athletes, we went to New Orleans and we helped the people. And being a black guy, he said black athletes, like, a million times. And I'm like, what if Peyton Manning was there going, man, group of us white athletes, we went down to New Orleans.

[Brady Bogan]

He's from there, and his brother Eli.

[John Holmberg]

But if he mentioned that it was all white athletes, it would be. It would be everybody being an uproar. So there is a double standard with it. And if Red Negan wants to call his city chocolate, he's chocolate, too, so it's okay. Hey, it's Brett Vesely, and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[Brady Bogan]

Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one. Tell him not to put himself at risk and come into M and P Guns where he'll get a fair offer and he can rest EAS knowing it's not getting into the wrong hands.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[Brady Bogan]

Easy. Legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it all online. It's really that simple.

[John Holmberg]

There you have it. MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms. Homeburg's morning sickness.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, then you got Hillary Clinton, who attended an event in Harlem run by Al Sharpton's National Action Network.

[John Holmberg]

She's a looker.

[Brady Bogan]

She took some questions from the audience. Someone asked Hillary, what's the difference between Republicans and And Democrats right now? Hillary went off on the Bush administration, of course, and then she says, when you look at the way the House of Representatives has been run, it has been run like a plantation. And you know what I'm talking about. Republican leaders, of course. And yesterday spent the day denouncing her remarks, although by all accounts, her remarks were met with thunderous applause. By mostly black audience. Amazingly, the second time Hillary has compared the house of Republican run plantation, she did it in a CNN interview in 2004. She's catching a lot of heat for that.

[John Holmberg]

Remember when opinions used to just be opinions? You're allowed to say anything you wanted without scrutiny. Yeah, like you could picture Janet Napolitano reverse cowgirl for five minutes. Why?

[Brady Bogan]

What is wrong with with you?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. Why do you keep doing. I don't know.

[Brady Bogan]

You know, I wonder if she meant the coffee plantation.

[John Holmberg]

Nope. Slave. Slave plantation. Cotton.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. A few weeks ago I told you about 30 year old Chris Taylor of Leeds, England. He was in his apartment when someone said the name Gary on television. And his pet parrot Ziggy went crazy. Ziggy started making kissing noises and repeating the phrase I love you Gary. I love you Gary.

[John Holmberg]

His wife's cheating on him with a Gary.

[Brady Bogan]

But not in his own parrot voice. Ziggy was doing an impression of Chris's living girlfriend, 25 year old Susie Collins.

[John Holmberg]

Parrots.

[Brady Bogan]

Chris did a little investigating, figured out Susie was h around with Gary.

[John Holmberg]

Women whore around what they do. Yep.

[Brady Bogan]

So now just like guard dogs get all the love from the media and dmx, we have guard parrots.

[John Holmberg]

Brilliant.

[Brady Bogan]

Last week a burglar broke into James Herbs apartment in Williamsport, Pennsylvania. Started helping himself to James's stuff. But the burger wasn't ready for James pet parrot Sunshine who bit him, clawed him and bloodied him.

[John Holmberg]

Was he just loose?

[Brady Bogan]

You know a parrot can remove your finger and.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, their jaws are like. Or their little beak is like a knife. You stab it with a knife.

[Brady Bogan]

44 year old Michael Dieter was the burglar. He got away, but he was dripping blood. The police followed the trail, picked him up.

[John Holmberg]

Eric, did you just give a hint on how if you can't beat up a parrot, you shouldn't be robbing anyone. All right. I would payday stuntman. You. You versus a parrot. You would get your ass handed to the parrot. Just has to be angry, that's all. Yeah, the badass ones, right? Yeah. Badass parrot. Why do you think they keep them caged up? They eat kids kill that thing. Instantaneous. Would love to see like Chuck Norris on that parrot. Arrange it.

[Brady Bogan]

The camel first.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, arrange it. Yeah, because you're supposed to fight the camel. It wasn't a camel. As an ostrich, I could kill the ostrich too.

[Brady Bogan]

It's a waste of a life though.

[John Holmberg]

I pretend. Yes. Yeah. That parrot would eat you and we'd all laugh and that parrot would over your corpse. A parrot. A parrot. You are full of crap. One of the meanest animals on the planet.

[Brady Bogan]

What?

[John Holmberg]

They're angry.

[Brady Bogan]

That would flare its wings. Your haymaker would be.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So afraid. He's a robber.

[Brady Bogan]

Didn't you have a damn gun?

[John Holmberg]

That is true, though. If you're gonna rob the place, you have to be ready for anything. And a pair. Well, of course. Then you look at the parrot.

[Brady Bogan]

All I had to do was cover it with a blanket.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that. That is defeating a paradise making. And I would just beat that blanket to a pulse. Okay, that's illegal in our fight because you can't. You couldn't do that in a real fight. Yeah, you can't.

[Brady Bogan]

You can use whatever you want. Eric's used to beating things under the blanket.

[John Holmberg]

I'll take my shirt off. Cover it. Oh, wouldn't I love to see that Eric's. Eric's chubby little body laying there with parrot bite marks out of it. And his shirt laying across the room because he couldn't get over the parrot in time. That parrot would kick your ass so fast. So fast. And you'd scream. You scream at me when I come at you in the. In the wheelchair. Well, that's just scary. That old man from It's Wonderful Life coming at me. What was his name? Copper Potter?

[Brady Bogan]

No, that was researchers at the Smurfit Institute of Genetics at Trinity College in Dublin, Ireland.

[John Holmberg]

The Smurf Institute.

[Brady Bogan]

Smurfit.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, they're only three apples high.

[Brady Bogan]

Have found that there's one Irish guy who's responsible for more than 3 million Irishmen alive today. The guys. His Name's Nile. Of nine hostages, a warlord in the 5th century who headed up Ireland's most powerful dynasty ever. In the process, he impregnated every woman he could find. Now more than 3 million men worldwide have got his DNA.

[John Holmberg]

All right, that could be me.

[Brady Bogan]

Pretty much everyone with the last name Gallagher, Boyle, o', Donnell, o', Doherty, Connell has descended from Nile. In Northwest Ireland, a full 20 of the guy shares manly DNA. And in New York, with all the Irish who immigrated there, nearly 2% have Nile DNA.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Brady Bogan]

Unfortunately for Nile, the number of his offspring doesn't even touch. Genghis Khan. Back in the 13th century, Genghis was owning Asia. Even had more. He had more poon than Nile, too. Yes, almost 16 million descendants.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God.

[Brady Bogan]

Direct DNA testing can figure stuff like this out. Pretty new. And so there's a lot of genetic trees getting traced back to their roots. A study of Israel also has just found that 3.5 million of today's Jews are descended from four women.

[John Holmberg]

Wow, that's. I thought Will Chamberlain was bad.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, I watched the special on Genghis Khan.

[John Holmberg]

He was a hump machine. And, you know, how do you have time?

[Brady Bogan]

He's working on that movie. Who's gonna be playing Genghis?

[John Holmberg]

Who? That Triple X. Oh, Vin Diesel. But he died falling off. And Genghis Khan wasn't gay. Yeah, he died when he tumbled off a horse. Of course, then again, he's just probably empty. Yeah, he's tired. Just tired when it fell off a horse. Because my sack is so empty.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, a trial has begun and this is a case. A little review here. Before you go to a new dominatrix, make sure three things. One, she keeps her whips and anal probe sanitary. Two, she'll let you pick your. Let you pick your safety word that you can say even with a ball gag in your mouth. And again, put over your head your safety words.

[John Holmberg]

Stop Napolitano.

[Brady Bogan]

And then three, that she's licensed and bonded because you don't end up like Michael lord of Northampton, New Hampshire. According to the police, back in July of 2000, 53 year old Michael visited the dominatrix mistress, Lauren M. Whose real identity is 56 year old Barbara Asher. Michael went up to her dungeon slash condo. But right after she stripped him naked and strapped him to the medieval torture rack, he had a heart attack and died.

[John Holmberg]

Oops. Instead of calling the cops, she just continued to mount.

[Brady Bogan]

Babs called her boyfriend, tried to revive Michael. They couldn't bring him back, so Barbara did what any of us would do. She left, used a hacksaw and dismembered Michael succulent 280 pound body. Put his parts into eight different garbage bags, dumped them. In the main, he had a heart attack.

[John Holmberg]

What's the big deal? Call the cop.

[Brady Bogan]

Yesterday, Barbara went to trial for dismemberment and manslaughter. She says the whole case is a complete fabrication. She never ever saw Michael in her life. Sure enough, forensic testing at her house didn't turn up any of Michael's DNA. Oh, neither did testing of Barbara or her boyfriend's cars.

[John Holmberg]

Oh.

[Brady Bogan]

Michael's body was never found.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe he's still around.

[Brady Bogan]

Barbara says the police should have followed up the leads.

[John Holmberg]

Then how do they know he was dismembered?

[Brady Bogan]

Like one about Michael having a 20 year old affair with a married woman whose husband had threatened to kill him.

[John Holmberg]

Wow, this is crazy. This would be a good movie.

[Brady Bogan]

Besides just the criminal charges, Barbara is also facing $1 million wrongful death suit.

[John Holmberg]

You just said she didn't kill him. She said she didn't kill him. Yeah, but they find any of it, how do they know he was dismembered? If again.

[Brady Bogan]

The trial's going on boys, so we'll keep you posted.

[John Holmberg]

That's a good MO. That's going to be a good movie.

[Brady Bogan]

Might be a good little lead to follow.

[John Holmberg]

Michael Douglas. And maybe that would be the Michael Douglas Sharon Stone reunion cuz she was 53.

[Brady Bogan]

I'll leave you with this one. Almost seven years ago, a 32 year old Chinese man immigrated to Chicago. His name Fu King Kwok.

[John Holmberg]

What is that? Brady King Kwok Fuking.

[Brady Bogan]

Correct.

[John Holmberg]

Quack the Fuking.

[Brady Bogan]

He went by the name of Fook. But as you may realize, you can't. We're not the most culturally sensitive people. So no one really bothered to learn that pronunciation of Fook. Yeah, the Fook.

[John Holmberg]

We call them something else. Booking.

[Brady Bogan]

So Mr. Quack won't have been tormented anymore. The Go County Circuit Court has approved his request to legally change his name to Chris.

[John Holmberg]

It's always Chris.

[Brady Bogan]

Andy Kwok.

[John Holmberg]

Andy. How do you go from. From Fooking to Andy? That's fooking. Ridiculous. I don't want to be called Fooking no more. The whole thing is a fooking Quark. Fooking. The people in China have to realize what they're getting into when they do that. We need to learn cuss words in China and name our kids that. Fooking Quack don't move to America. How bad is it in China that you're gonna leave and your name is the F word? I go someplace I don't get ridiculed no more. Fooking Quack make new start. Can you imagine? Little did he know. What's your name? Here. Fucking quote. Okay, mister.

[Brady Bogan]

And then he's meeting American women. Hey baby, you want some fooking love?

[John Holmberg]

Get out of here, you bastard. I can't get enough of that. His life is over.

[Brady Bogan]

Not anymore.

[John Holmberg]

Andy Guac Andy. Formerly artist. Formerly known as Fooking. I love that guy. I want, I want Fooking Quok on this show. Fooking now that's great. Fooking Quack. Yeah. The day, every day. He's got him. From the second he set foot on Ellis island and registered as a visitor. Everyone laughed.

[Brady Bogan]

There's gotta be some of those names, you know, like in Hitch where they have that giant book, the old book where people sign in. Yeah. I wonder how many.

[John Holmberg]

Party of two.

[Brady Bogan]

How about when looking? Yeah, and then you have the Irish coming. Boy, you Look a lot like Nile.

[John Holmberg]

What's up? Must have been here already. I tried to get away from him. I made a magic carpet and flew across the Atlantic Ocean. At least your name ain't a freaking quack.

[Brady Bogan]

Seamus, I have something to tell you. I slept with Nile.

[John Holmberg]

Who hasn't? He's pushed half of Ireland through the flower. It's all a fucking quack, this country, you fucking quark. Oh, I this I when the day he discovered the F word and what it really was. Oh, I gotta change my name to Andy.

[Brady Bogan]

You have a choice here, Chris. Andy or Steve.

[John Holmberg]

Chris Andy. You can stick with fooking. No way. I learned what fuking mean last week. This crazy. I go with Andy. They try to trick him and leave it at Cooking is a solid name. It also means proud warrior.

[Brady Bogan]

I like the name Huge. Huge quack. I don't know about that. Fu King.

[John Holmberg]

Should I change my rat's name too? Oh, no. Go with no fucking cock was a good name. No. Why you call me that all the time? I learn what you're learning. Fooking Quark. Very close to something you guys say all the time. I go Andy, Andy, Cock.

[Brady Bogan]

I like Prince.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, homie seven I'm misterious like an orient fluke and quack. If you're listening, you sell out. Don't be Andy. Stay with it.

[Brady Bogan]

Maybe he goes into rapping little quok

[John Holmberg]

I little quok. But I got a big fuking quok the whole show. It's 98K upd. It's out of control now. 98k upd. The best of homework's best Morning sickness. This is the Big Red Radio Toledo who has just been just ridiculed by everybody. And now you're in a situation where you mouthed off and pulling back makes you look weak. So you have to. Yes, it does.

[Brady Bogan]

We gotta get ourselves a chieftain.

[John Holmberg]

Who says I'm pulling back? Now, let's be completely honest here. You've had a couple of incidents here recently with a home purchase that did went south. Yeah. And you lost a little bit of dough. I lost about $4,400. Right. And it was $4,400. That was it did kicked you in the shorts a little bit.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, I'd kick anybody in the shorts.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, I'm just saying at that time it wasn't like you'd saved $20,000 and said, okay, I only lost 10 TVs. Oh, that's not turning this into an Obama rally. Okay. Anywho, you're not as lucky as some people, right? We'll say it that way. And then so you've got yourself a little bit of a financial strap not two months ago. So then you can see our surprise when all of a sudden you're doing printouts of Winnebagos and Chieftains.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. After the 4400 large that you're all of a sudden.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, sounds like a great deal. Yeah, it's the 44 large. And now all of a sudden you're looking to buy a second home on wheels. Then we're starting to wonder, are you about to get kicked out of your house? What's the backstory here on the want of these 38 year old Winnebago 4. I want to get him out of the house, then get him out by a tent.

[Brady Bogan]

Rent one.

[John Holmberg]

I have great memories of going out with my uncle in the camper as a kid. Oh, geez. There was more than one victim in the RV at once.

[Brady Bogan]

What's that scout leader's name?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Where's he now? Ronnie. Where is he? Is his name Ronnie? What federal prison is he in? Deer Lodge.

[Caller/Listener]

Monkey.

[John Holmberg]

Is he in deer Lodge?

[Brady Bogan]

Okay, what kind of ride did he have at the time?

[John Holmberg]

Probably a 72 chieftain, Class A Cabo over pickup camper.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, okay.

[John Holmberg]

And it's fun when you're a kid. It's fun. It's great.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, it is.

[John Holmberg]

But as a kid, you didn't realize the pain that uncle Ronnie was going through pouring cash into that. That's why we bring in our resident RV expert, Brett Besley, overnight girl who used to work on RVs and probably will now have a new side job when Toledo. I asked him a text.

[Brady Bogan]

I sent him the text the day

[John Holmberg]

I found it and I said I would go look at it. Laughing while I'm looking at the pictures that he sent over. Over a 72 chieftain is a guy who's been around a lot of recreational vehicles. Quality purchase.

[Brady Bogan]

Winnebago.

[John Holmberg]

No, no. It's just a bad idea, right? Yeah, it's a pilot. Is it because it's the 70s or it's because it's a Chieftain? It kind of both. Anything from the seventies that's for sale.

[Brady Bogan]

Did you ever, Brett, work on a Clark Cortez?

[Caller/Listener]

No.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

No. Look, for my type, look, if something's older than me and you're, you know, it's. I. It's not even that. If it's a classic and it's older than you, it's not 700 bucks. There's a difference between a 65 must 72 Winnebago I mean that's a. Anybody asking for $650 to take a vehicle or best offer or bet. Yeah. And they're willing to move on that price. They're not firm there. Tells me get her out of here. This. This is more of a. This is clogging up my dirt backyard. Right.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. So with that being said, Brett, what. What would you buy if you were to buy.

[John Holmberg]

If you're Toledo and you have to buy your 4 year old boy a new house and we don't understand what's happening. We don't know the backstory. There's something else.

[Brady Bogan]

What could you spend? That's something that might run for a couple of months.

[John Holmberg]

Full disclosure. Yeah. What'll get him to pay? What'll get him to pace in once you got at least spend over a thousand dollars. I mean, come on, you, you can go buy a Trek 10 speed. That's worth more than this Winnebago. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

I mean, come on. You don't get rear dining.

[John Holmberg]

That's true.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah, you got me there.

[John Holmberg]

That's true. You don't have a rear dining area and a 38 year old mattress. Who says I'm keeping the mask? What are you gonna upgrade to the 72 chieftain? You're gonna pour money into this pillow top? Oh, God. What's the story? What story? There's a story here.

[Brady Bogan]

You're not spilling this rv.

[John Holmberg]

It's out of nowhere. You want to buy an old RV is out of nowhere. I've never. I've known you now for about seven years. I have never once said, man, I cannot wait until I have my own rv. It's never fallen from your face.

[Brady Bogan]

I figured you more for a bass tracker before an rv.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, this. It would be the same if Pluto all of a sud wanted a bass tracker. Why you don't even fish. I've been fishing. I know you've been fish. So have I. But that doesn't, you know, you know, I've, I've jumped, but it doesn't mean I want to go to the moon.

[Brady Bogan]

It's. It's got to be. It's pretty spontaneous.

[John Holmberg]

Toledo camping a few like a month ago, we had a great time. So I thought about, you know, how are we going to do this differently? Saw some of the RVs that were there. You're going to get kicked out of your house. I'm not. Something's wrong with your, with your living situation. Yes. Golden moments.

[Brady Bogan]

We'd had them on the show.

[John Holmberg]

If I was getting kicked out of my house, I'D copy trying to get you to cop to. Because who buys a 40 year old the 650 house? Who? It's a renovation project. You don't have any money. You just got kicked in these shorts. Now you're gonna renovate an RV anyway. Anyway, we're gonna call the guy who runs this thing, Kevin, who owns it, and we're gonna talk to Kevin.

[Brady Bogan]

Or what do you call him?

[John Holmberg]

Cooter in Hazard county or what?

[Caller/Listener]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

No, he's in central Phoenix, isn't he? He's in the West Valley. Oh. 72 Chieftain, Class A camper. Five. Good tires, as we just learned. It takes six. Rear dining model needs some work. Engine most likely needs timing change, shift cable for transmission. Make a great restoration project. Which is spelled wrong.

[Caller/Listener]

Hello?

[John Holmberg]

Is this Kevin?

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah, it is.

[John Holmberg]

Kevin, this is John Holmberg from 98 KUPD. How are you?

[Caller/Listener]

Hey, I'm doing all right. All right, hold on one second here.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no.

[Brady Bogan]

No way.

[John Holmberg]

Kevin, what is happening?

[Brady Bogan]

The kids.

[Caller/Listener]

Hey, Kevin, I got kiddos running around my house.

[John Holmberg]

All right, we're not. You're on the air live. Is that okay? I don't want to get in trouble with you.

[Caller/Listener]

Oh, I guess that proudly sounded bad. Yeah, no, go ahead. That's Fin.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, Kevin, you've got this. We're calling about the Craigslist ad. You've got this Winnebago for sale. $650.

[Brady Bogan]

The Chieftain.

[John Holmberg]

The Chieftain. Now, first off, why you parting with this gem?

[Caller/Listener]

Well, you know, I just got. I got some medical bills.

[John Holmberg]

$650 worth of medical bills.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah, well, not that much. I want the rest of the money to do some other stuff with, maybe around the apartment.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, so you've got this parked at someone's house?

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah, my brother in law, he doesn't loan it there anymore, so I'm trying to get it out of his hair, too, and just get some cash.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Does it run?

[Caller/Listener]

Well, not. You can't drive it.

[John Holmberg]

So what is it?

[Brady Bogan]

How am I gonna get it out?

[John Holmberg]

Wait a minute. We're closing this deal, dude. Yeah, you be quiet over there. You. You can't drive it, but it does run

[Caller/Listener]

it. Yeah, you can turn it on.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, so it turns it on.

[Brady Bogan]

You said it needs a timing belt and a couple other things. But the engine will turn over if you get that going and.

[Caller/Listener]

Right. It might go off after you turn it on.

[John Holmberg]

So it's got absolutely no stain. Does the phone go off? Do you have any questions?

[Caller/Listener]

I recommend you get a big old tow truck or something. And then I. A good, good vehicle. I. I sleep there sometimes, I imagine.

[Brady Bogan]

So the cabin's in good shape?

[Caller/Listener]

Oh, yeah. I mean, look at it in the picture. You maybe use some new paneling in areas where there. There's a hole in it or something, right?

[John Holmberg]

Well, it's 40 years old. You can't expect it to look brand new.

[Brady Bogan]

How old is the mattress? Is that the original mattress?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, God.

[Caller/Listener]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, God. All right, Kevin, Brett. Campers and knocking like they used to, right? We'll ask you a question or two about that in a second, Kevin. But we have a guy who works on RVs, has a couple. I don't know anything about him, so. Well, I mean, Kevin, how come you know it says it's got five brand new tires? Where's the sixth one? Take six to run.

[Caller/Listener]

Well, we got that one in the rear right back there. We got the. We got two on each side. That's four. And then we. Yeah, we had the one in the bag. That's five.

[John Holmberg]

So there's no front tires.

[Brady Bogan]

What, you're saying it's not a dualie?

[Caller/Listener]

No, I. I sold the back to the extras on the back, too. I needed some money for medical bills.

[John Holmberg]

Are those extra tires, Brett? Are they necessary for weight? Usually they're pretty. So those. Those weren't just. Those weren't just extra tires. All right, so I'm in two tires. How much do you think it would cost to restorate this thing, Kevin, to museum quality?

[Caller/Listener]

Probably a couple hundred dollars. I mean, if you do it right.

[John Holmberg]

What, $800?

[Caller/Listener]

I mean, it depends what you want to do with it. I mean, you got. You got stuff to do in the. In the bedroom and.

[Brady Bogan]

Did you camp in it?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Did you take a camping kids?

[Caller/Listener]

Oh, yeah. Oh, man. We used to go up to Bartlett and we would just park it and fish, and we'd have drinking the beer contest, and it was good.

[John Holmberg]

All right. So it's been around a little bit.

[Caller/Listener]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

How old a fella are you, Kevin?

[Caller/Listener]

Excuse me?

[John Holmberg]

How old are you? Can I ask?

[Caller/Listener]

I'm 43.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. I don't know. I was just curious. I couldn't really get a gauge on the horse. Yeah, he's the same age as you. Toledo, for God's sake. Same age as the motorhome, for God's sakes. So are you gonna be sad parting with it, Kevin, or is this a tough one? Or is it something you just can't wait to get rid of?

[Caller/Listener]

You know, it's got a lot of good Memories for me. I mean it was passed down from my daddy and he gave it over to me when he couldn't use it any and so I. You know, has been through many women spent your many fishing trips. It's been through two divorces and it's. It's.

[John Holmberg]

You are a salesman, Kevin. You're selling me on this thing. Now you say it's 650. You're the best offer. What's the wiggle room?

[Caller/Listener]

Oh, there.

[John Holmberg]

Well, if we give you 400 bucks, What's the best trip? What's the best trip you ever heard? Well, we'll think about that. What's the best trip you've ever. Sell me. Sell me, Kevin. The best trip you ever took in that thing.

[Caller/Listener]

I went to Vegas in it. Just parked it there in the desert. But I got. I don't know what I could say and what I can't.

[John Holmberg]

Be careful. It's on radio and you just don't worry about that. The. The bathroom work,

[Caller/Listener]

you can. You can pee in it.

[Brady Bogan]

You wouldn't recommend the dumping in it.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. In the bathroom.

[Caller/Listener]

Part of the stuff that needs the word.

[John Holmberg]

Brett. Brett. Is that tough to do? Can you do that work? No, I don't work with the tanks,

[Brady Bogan]

but it wouldn't be that hard and it just hooking up the hose or something.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's a little more involved than that tank of nasty.

[Caller/Listener]

Why don't you just put a hole

[Brady Bogan]

in it and drop it on the road?

[John Holmberg]

That.

[Brady Bogan]

That always goes on the well, doesn't it?

[John Holmberg]

He's got his kids.

[Brady Bogan]

Kids must come back in.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, Kevin. Kevin. What in the world?

[Caller/Listener]

Sorry about that.

[John Holmberg]

It's all right. Kevin. So 400 is too low. 460 is your. Your breaking point, huh? What kind of medical bills do you have?

[Caller/Listener]

Medical bills?

[John Holmberg]

What's wrong?

[Caller/Listener]

It's my leg. It like it. It goes numb and I just fall down and I Back problem and I'll be in Walmart and I'll. I'll be shopping and next thing you know, I'm on the ground and I'm getting woken up and it.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Kevin, are you.

[Brady Bogan]

If we throw a couple of tickets into the the Jackal ride tomorrow, do you ride motorcycles or.

[John Holmberg]

I wouldn't want them riding a motorcycle with that leg. That's true. You don't want to do that.

[Caller/Listener]

I had a motorcycle once and it was awesome.

[John Holmberg]

Do you have. I like you.

[Brady Bogan]

You had all the toys, haven't you? Kevin.

[John Holmberg]

Kevin, you kind of rule. How about an autographed chainsaw? There you go. Trade for the. For the chief. What kind of music do you listen to, Kevin?

[Caller/Listener]

I like you guys. You guys are good.

[John Holmberg]

Well, thank you. So you're a rock fan?

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

All right. So would you be interested in a Jackal Chainsaw?

[Brady Bogan]

Jesse Jerry's Dupree?

[John Holmberg]

A jackal chainsaw and 350 and a jackal Chainsaw.

[Caller/Listener]

That'd be great.

[John Holmberg]

You'll take that deal.

[Caller/Listener]

When do I get it?

[John Holmberg]

When can we get.

[Brady Bogan]

Probably next. Early next week sometime on the.

[John Holmberg]

When do we see the rv? Maybe Friday night. It could be. Roll the Chieftain down.

[Caller/Listener]

My brother in law's got some company and so they're staying in it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, so it's being used.

[Caller/Listener]

There's like six of them.

[John Holmberg]

All right, so it's comfortable.

[Brady Bogan]

It says it sleeps six.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah, yeah, that's gotta be probably on the floor or something.

[John Holmberg]

All right, so it's comfortably. You can get four. But a father and his four year old boy could go deep into the woods.

[Brady Bogan]

So when did the spring breakers leave?

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah, they are. I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

All right, Kevin. Kevin. 350 and the chainsaw and we have a deal.

[Caller/Listener]

Oh, are you looking for a trade?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. $350.

[Caller/Listener]

You were just giving me the chainsaw.

[John Holmberg]

No, we're throwing that in as part of the price, Kevin.

[Caller/Listener]

So the chainsaw and the 460.

[John Holmberg]

350. The chainsaw. The chainsaw's worth 300. 400 in the chainsaw, Kevin. Wow.

[Caller/Listener]

410 in the chainsaw.

[John Holmberg]

410 in the chainsaw. Toledo. Swing it. Toledo.

[Caller/Listener]

Toledo.

[John Holmberg]

410 in the chainsaw.

[Brady Bogan]

Guy's got medical bills.

[John Holmberg]

Toledo. He's got medical bills. 410 in the chainsaw going once. I have to secure the chainsaw, but I'm in. You're 410 and the chainsaw. Without the chainsaw, you can't do it, right? We haven't. Kevin. Is that okay by you?

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah,

[John Holmberg]

we just got a cheap.

[Caller/Listener]

I'll make some calls and see when those people. People are gonna be out. You don't want them in there.

[John Holmberg]

No, you don't. They don't come with it, Kevin. You rule. Hold on a second. Okay.

[Caller/Listener]

Thanks, buddy.

[John Holmberg]

Easy enough. There you go. Kevin the weirdo.

[Brady Bogan]

Today we gotta go.

[John Holmberg]

Look at, look at. No, no, no, no. Look at. That's a. You already made the deal.

[Brady Bogan]

You just bring it up.

[John Holmberg]

If I get the chainsaw, we'll get you the chainsaw. What kind of medical bills can this guy have for $410? I mean, what's he doing buying pseudo ephedrine? Is he cooking meth in this thing or what? Probably. I don't want to ask.

[Brady Bogan]

You trying to ruin a deal?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, don't wreck the deal. Shut up. Figured out he's unholy. I'm going to have to work on this thing.

[Brady Bogan]

So let's pinch him out of some more dough.

[John Holmberg]

And if he. If he decides to back out on the chainsaw. We'll just buy a chainsaw. Yeah, let's have Larry McFeely. Nobody's going to know he's still on hold. The world of business. He's talking to his kids. I'm sure of it.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, I want to. Adam.

[John Holmberg]

I've got them on. I've got them on his brother in law's relief. Not yet. People out of the rv. I still don't think I understand the tire situation. I don't either. Some were sold.

[Brady Bogan]

There's some math problems.

[John Holmberg]

Are they. Are they six different sizes?

[Brady Bogan]

Dually on the back.

[John Holmberg]

You know what I know? Yeah. You're gonna die in that. No way. Yes you are. Yes you are. There's no doubt in my brain you're going to pass away with the term win. Awesome. This che insurance. Do you have the buyer's remorse yet? You haven't even seen it. You will. Man. Is that going to. That's going to be a pungent buyer's remorse. You're going to smell it on you.

[Brady Bogan]

Call Alex.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. Call the boy.

[Brady Bogan]

Dad. He's got an rv.

[John Holmberg]

He wants an rv. Damn it. The ex wife's already chiming in. What she say? No way are you taking my child in a four year old rv. See, Don, I'm with you on this. Don. There's gotta be some new broad in like Maricopa. I love me camping and Toledo. I'm buying a Chieftain. She's my dream woman. I'm gonna marry you camping woman. Anyway, so there you go. Toledo. Brett, you've got a lot of work for daycare. I know. See, this is what I'm talking about. You don't have any money for this. This is what I'm confused about. You got bills. I'm good. I know you're all right. You're not destitute. But this is gonna make you that way. You're in trouble. Would you like to be wherever I'd like to be?

[Brady Bogan]

A payday stuntman?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Would you like to be the new payday stuntman? Jump the rv, buy the rv. That's the biggest payday stuntman we've ever done. Brett. What's it gonna Cost an hour for you to work on this thing because you got about 100 hours of work in this. We're looking at at least 50 bucks an hour just to even touch this thing. Three tickets to you.

[Brady Bogan]

50.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. No, you can't be there. Anyway. This is awesome. I cannot wait for the first call from Death Bucket. I hope it.

[Brady Bogan]

I hope it happens.

[John Holmberg]

Me too.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm calling you.

[John Holmberg]

I know you're not calling me, because all you'll hear is, don't worry. I'll conference you in hysterical laughter. Yeah, put me on Skype. We just got Toledo a chief in 1972 Texas.

[Brady Bogan]

If we could rattle off a trip with me in the chief.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, road trip with Toledo and the Chieftain. Yes, we can. To pay for the Chieftain. Yes, Everybody can pay for it. You're gonna be like Greyhound around Maricopa. It's 98 KUPD. Gotta get to Kevin now and get that chainsaw in order. It's out of control now. 98 KUPD. It's the last of Homburg's morning sickness. I'm 98 KUPD. Oh, the. The email and the texts are flying in. People just. You know, when you're selling a 72 chieftain, you're more than likely going to get somebody who's kind of a character. That was solid. Kevin has made the deal. He's off the. And actually, maybe even a couple of NASCAR tickets drives that price down a little further. I'm trying. I forgot about those. The texters reminded me. Yeah. We got Doug on line five. Doug, are you there? Oh, yeah. How are you, Doug?

[Caller/Listener]

Hey, I'm doing pretty good.

[John Holmberg]

What's up?

[Caller/Listener]

Oh, I can't believe that he just spent 410 bucks on a camper and he wants to actually go see it first, right?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he's got some questions. You're right.

[Caller/Listener]

I'm pretty sure that thing's going to be a piece of crap. It should meet his standards.

[John Holmberg]

It should meet the standards of a 400 purchase, is what you're saying.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. This is exactly what I think I paid for. That's money. Thank you, sir. Yeah, I can't wait. Thanks, Doug. See you later. That's. I can't wait for the meeting. That's going to be even better either. Who's this?

[Brady Bogan]

This is Jim.

[John Holmberg]

Jim, what do you got?

[Caller/Listener]

You guys are just talking to Randy Quaid from vacation. Merry Christmas. It was. It had to be. Yeah, it had to be Randy Quaid calling, and that was hysterical.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. No, I mean, yeah. We couldn't have asked for A better situation for. Well, you. If you see the picture of this thing, which we'll post online.

[Caller/Listener]

I can't wait.

[John Holmberg]

It is absolutely the perfect person to own this particular vehicle. It couldn't have been more stereotypical to what if.

[Caller/Listener]

If that guy has a hat like Randy Quaid, you guys are gonna hit the jackpot.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, perfect man. Thank you. We'll talk to you later. He's right. It is kind of a Quaid thing. Hi there. Who's this?

[Caller/Listener]

Jason.

[John Holmberg]

Jason, what's up?

[Caller/Listener]

Nothing. What's going on, brother? Hey, I got a couple things for you. One, when Toledo gets that cheap thing, he ought to offer that dude another 30 bucks or so to have him kick those people out right now. Once we get it, it. Once we get it, we get a BJ and a hole from yesterday to drive it out to AJ and open up the bed injection. Hey, I got.

[John Holmberg]

I can make my money back.

[Caller/Listener]

I've got one other thing for you, John. I'm a truck driver around the Valley. I listen to you guys every morning religiously. You guys keep me laughing, crying.

[John Holmberg]

That's very good.

[Caller/Listener]

Get me firing out preemie sometime.

[John Holmberg]

I get out. Well, don't do that. Well, thank you.

[Caller/Listener]

You remember about a million months ago when you were talking about license plates, personal license plates? Yeah, I seen one a couple weeks ago. The ugliest Asian chick I've ever seen in my life. And it said, for my monkey.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know if that means anything. For my monkey.

[Caller/Listener]

I'm not going to say it on there what I think it means, but

[John Holmberg]

I don't know what it means. He bought it for her because she had such a tight V. Yeah.

[Caller/Listener]

Okay, comes. Let's park that chieftain out by the ajon.

[Brady Bogan]

There you go.

[John Holmberg]

I still love BJ and a hole's bed and breakfast. That's solid. Nice job, moneymaker. Thank you, brother. We'll talk to you later. Thanks, man. See you. My buddy Eric from Mo Money Pond. You're gonna end up with that. I just asked him how much you give me for it. He hasn't got back? No, he's not getting back to you. He's no longer your friend. You have a pawn shop friend and a 72 chieftain. You're not going to talk for a while? He doesn't want that albatross at his store. Hi there. Who's the. Oh, hi there. Who are you? You there? I know I don't. Oh, sorry. Phone wasn't on. Hello?

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah, it's Brian.

[John Holmberg]

Brian, what do you got? Don't Cuss.

[Caller/Listener]

I'm thinking we should probably take this love machine down to nascar.

[John Holmberg]

Just.

[Caller/Listener]

Just do it upright like you think.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it's not going to run by Saturday. Run? Yeah.

[Caller/Listener]

No, you just tow it down there. We're all living it just fine. We'll do a pig fry, drink the Milwaukee's best.

[John Holmberg]

You know, see what. Here's what I'm thinking is going to happen next. No. Knowing Toledo's recent luck with purchases and having spoken with Kevin, the owner of the Chieftain for a minute, I'm thinking there might be a paperwork issue coming. You don't think there's gonna be a clear title? No, I don't think. I think there's gonna be. I don't think the bank is holding the title on this thing.

[Brady Bogan]

Come on. It means.

[John Holmberg]

Might be a straight trade. Yeah. Yeah.

[Caller/Listener]

Probably even better. Take Kevin to NASCAR in it and offer him tickets.

[John Holmberg]

His goodbye with the Chieftain is a trip to NASCAR with Toledo. That's a great plan. We can drop the price even no cash out of pocket by the end of this thing.

[Brady Bogan]

Be off.

[John Holmberg]

Awesome. The Chieftain. Swan song.

[Caller/Listener]

Think of all the money you'll save when you don't have to restore it either.

[John Holmberg]

Just leave it there. That's a fact. Just leave it at NASCAR every year. Permanent fixtures. Thanks, man.

[Caller/Listener]

Good call.

[Brady Bogan]

My gift to you on this rig is I'm buying you the vanity plates. Double dip.

[John Holmberg]

You can pee in it. That's what I would get on the back. Yes, you can pee. Don't laugh. You can pee in it. That's my favorite line ever. Can you. Does the bathroom work? Well, you can pee in it. I could pee in the kitchen if I want to. It doesn't mean it's gonna flush.

[Brady Bogan]

It's a bottle.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Eric, that couldn't have been more perfect.

[Caller/Listener]

What the hell's going on in there?

[John Holmberg]

How about that? Toledo just bought his Chieftain for a chainsaw he doesn't have in 300 or $410. This thing is the biggest pile of junk ever. There are people.

[Caller/Listener]

You guys are good. You guys are good negotiators. I like jet skis. You think he'd get me a jet ski?

[John Holmberg]

We'll get on craigslist.

[Brady Bogan]

You find one, we'll close that deal.

[John Holmberg]

Get him a 70. 72 jet skis. Should cost about 35 bucks. Awesome. Get one of those 40, 40 year old jet skis. You got to wear those old style scuba tank helmets.

[Caller/Listener]

Well, you should just have listeners call in and you can negotiate all their deals for them.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's. Yeah. It's. Yeah, that's like the opposite of the Antiques Roadshow. You give us a crap antique and I'll whittle that price down.

[Brady Bogan]

We'll get Eric a jet ski with a propeller on it.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's awesome. And all we have to do is borrow Jesse James Dupree's chainsaw for a little while. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

You got an extra?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he took the deal. The chainsaw and the money. Think about that. Yeah, no, that seems fair.

[Caller/Listener]

You just getting that chainsaw?

[John Holmberg]

Just bought a house. We'll buy the chainsaw. You a house for a chainsaw and four bills.

[Brady Bogan]

Get on Craigslist for chainsaw.

[John Holmberg]

This might be the single most white trash thing outside of Florida to ever occur. Eric, you have something. You. You are like. Oh, you're like Rockefeller compared. You got a jet ski. We got Eric hooked up. What is it? It's coming right now. What year is it? No year. But wait till you look at it. It's no year. It's yearless new. It's timeless, Eric. That's what that means. There it is. It's a timeless classic. Oh, now we're cooking with gas, baby. It's a cow and green. It's. What color is it? It's a kind of burnt orange. Orange and yellow.

[Caller/Listener]

Burnt orange?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's kind of that dark orange. Oh yeah, that's a good stand up jet ski. Aftermarket ride plate intake. Great. Just think, 450 bucks. It's a little more pricey than Toledo's RV, but maybe at least this thing will get you from A to B in the water.

[Brady Bogan]

Difference is no rear dining.

[John Holmberg]

That's true. You can't. Well, you could turn around. You could turn around and eat on that Brady. You don't want to.

[Brady Bogan]

That's true.

[John Holmberg]

It's not really set up for it but it. It looks like probably a mid-80s model, I'm guessing. Oh, look at this one. Brett got another one for 600 bucks. Eric, stop. You're gonna. I don't think he really wants it.

[Caller/Listener]

All types of deals going on.

[John Holmberg]

He's trying to drag you into this. Eric's out there this morning. Indian School and 19th Avenue at the Zia. Tell us what you got Eric, while

[Caller/Listener]

you come on down you fest. Tickets are on sale now all Valley Zia Records locations. I am at the one over here at Indian School. School and 19th Avenue. And if you come down and buy tickets, I'm here till 9am if you buy tickets while I'm here, I'll throw in a prize for you. We have some CDs from some of the artists on the bill and I'll give you a CD and everything. Also you can sign up for NASCAR tickets. Subway for us, 600 going on this weekend. Now we're going to draw at 10am for that. As soon as I get back to the station. I got some CDs. I'm out of kick ass movie passes. Those are all gone. But I do have Jackal tickets left where you can hang out with Brady Bogan and J.J.D. over there at the big Jackal show. It's going on Chandler Harley tomorrow night. So come on down, flash your red card. I'll hook it up with those tickets. And we have samples of Adena Herbal Elixirs. They're sponsoring our youth fest. This stuff's actually very good. I just had some delish man. And it's got to be good if it has a monkey and then the cute little things under the cap.

[John Holmberg]

You know there's a little bit of monkey in every bottle.

[Caller/Listener]

That's right.

[John Holmberg]

Pieces of monkey in every bottle. It's oh so good that you can really taste the monkey.

[Caller/Listener]

And tonight, don't forget Margarita Rock Sports street mill from 10 to midnight. We got the wet T shirt contest. Ladies want to make some money? Come on down Coorside. 50 cents and penny tacos, 10 cent wings. But right now Zia Records, Indian School and 19th Avenue trying to get these Ufest tickets out the door. Come on down and buy some.

[John Holmberg]

Alright, thanks Eric. Yeah, People are getting a little technical about the Chieftain. Technical? Well, the one guy says hey be careful. This guy doesn't owe the state any money because they could have a lien on the title. State's going after his rv. You mentioned why the state's broke. Exactly. Well I wouldn't doubt it at this point. They couldn't afford the Chieftain. I just looked in Craigslist and I think I found your motorhome. Are you effing kidding me? You're gonna put a kid in that? Not sure what kids potentially. That's true. Not sure what aluminum is going for at the recycling center, but I think that's your best bet. I'm surprised Kevin was at home and not over at NASCAR already. And his jam him cuz it doesn't run. He does the TV with the rabbit ears and tin foil on top of it. It ain't got enough wheel.

[Brady Bogan]

I just got a a text from Rod at Midwestern Meats and he says tell Toledo. The guy was so compelling. I'm thinking of a meat rig and I'LL start the bid at 465.

[John Holmberg]

Damn it, Rod. No way. Oh, you're going to buy it from Toledo at 465 or he's going to

[Brady Bogan]

outbid me with Kevin.

[John Holmberg]

Sell it. You'll never get more than that. You're going to regret this day.

[Brady Bogan]

Meat rig.

[John Holmberg]

The meat rig. Paint that on the side of it. It probably has already been painted over at one point.

[Brady Bogan]

Look for some trouble on that one.

[John Holmberg]

The meat rig. Toledo. Driving up the hill and pacing with a little boy in the meat. Told you I'm not going to elevation. Well, then where are you camping? Canyon Lake. That's elevation.

[Brady Bogan]

No, it's not.

[John Holmberg]

It's not flat. The RV ain't getting you there. It's not getting up those hills. The canyon. You know where you're camping? Tempe Town Lake.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That's as far as you'll go. That's as flat a road as it can handle. You can bust it for Vagy.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, son, we're at a place that's called an underpass and we're going to camp here for a while.

[John Holmberg]

This is where daddy and Alex live now? Yuck it up, cuz. None of my friends know the financial destitution Daddy is in. We be living in this underpass. Overpass. What is going on with you?

[Brady Bogan]

Where'd your daddy take you camping last weekend, Alex? I had an impound yard.

[John Holmberg]

We camped for five days at Mill Avenue in the U.S. 60. Texter says, hey, Toledo. At least Eric can poop off his jet ski. Exactly. That's a good point, man. You're gonna put a kid in that? It's only a 38 year old mattress. He's gonna put a kid in it.

[Brady Bogan]

He's gonna make a kid in that.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, there's. Oh, that thing. That thing's fertile. Count on it. You're gonna die in that, Toledo. Mark my words, it is April 8th. RV Toledo will die in that. Sometime in the next few years comes out too. My what? Yes. My ex wife is my landlord. Somebody's texting me that. Oh, boy. The only thing missing. Not evicting me. Literally. The only thing missing.

[Brady Bogan]

Cooler.

[John Holmberg]

The only thing missing from your life is an old RV in the front yard. That's it.

[Brady Bogan]

Do you know William H. Mason?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you're the cooler. Your ex wife, dawn is your landlord. I didn't know that. I thought you moved out of that situation. She doesn't own the house. She manages the house. So she not. She's just the overlord of your home. So it's just like when you were married.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. Oh, my God. Toledo's life is just. Why haven't we talked to you more? You're kind of interesting. It's 98, K upd, Marvel rock radio station. It's out of control now. 98. The rest of Homburg's morning sickness. This is the Big Red radio. All these people are emailing about that girl who failed. And I think Alex Plasco has nailed it. He texts me and says, megan Rutledge, the girl who did the fist pump, crashed her bike and lost the gold medal in the X game, should get a wing in the Smithsonian, because isn't that what women love and they're heroes almost? And then crash right next to Amelia. Put her right next to Ms. Earhart, because that's what a female hero is. A girl who almost made it to her destiny, but then crashed and burned. And then our black listener Reggie, fires over the name of the girl who was the snowboarder. Out of nowhere, he goes, lindsey Jacobellis. I'm like, how do you know that? And he goes, useless knowledge. I'm your guy. More blown away that there's a black guy who knows Winter Olympic facts. Fringe sport, Winter Olympic facts. That's the next thing he's going to tell me is on the high school swim team. I might just fall out of my chair. So anyway, what are you gonna do? I had to share this because I got an email from somebody that said, like the Megan911 yesterday with the bears. I forgot about this. You'll really like this because you did the thing where I threw. We'll throw bread on the ground and feed the birds. Will that make bears? No. When a man bear and a girl bear love each other very much so I went through the whole speech of how that's not how bears are made. On our way to show though, this is another one I was gonna tell you yesterday.

[Caller/Listener]

I forgot.

[John Holmberg]

We drive by the Cubs new facility, which is over on the 202 and 101. We're driving by and I peek over and I'm like, man, they did a really good job making that look like Wrigley. It's got, the lights are the same and they did a really good job making it look like little Wrigley. Was that on purpose? No. Like most construction jobs, they just start pounding and nailing and then step back after four months and go, God, I hope this is something. It looks just like Wrigley.

[Brady Bogan]

We messed up.

[John Holmberg]

We told. Oh, shut up. You know what I meant. Nope. Most construction jobs just. We got some steel and glue and. Actually, no, I don't know what you meant. Start cramming those things together, boy, and hope his stadium happens. Do we get any plans? No, no. That's not how construction works. It's all accidents. What'd you build? We don't know. Looks like Wrigley. We think that's perfect.

[Brady Bogan]

Remember, whatever you do, don't make it look like Wrigley.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you can't do that when construction. That's a plan. That would be more than what Megan's construction company would come up with. You must wake up every morning just waiting for. Yeah, just what's gonna happen today? What are you gonna say next? Every day is a new adventure. Did they do that on purpose? Nope. In fact, our house is an accident. Why? This was supposed to be a bank. Boss, it happened again. We got the materials. We accidentally built the house. God damn it. There's got to be a better way. Did they do that on purpose? Gentlemen, were building a baseball stadium. We all know what those look like by memory, and I think that's enough planning for us. So everybody get together and grab a hammer and start hitting things. Maybe Megan's founder calling is project manager. Yeah. All right, guys, here's the plan. Build it. Build what? All right. A baseball stadium. And go. No, they knew they were building the baseball stadium. They just didn't have a plan on how they. That was going to come together. And it just so happened that the Cubs new facility accidentally looks a lot like the Cubs. Wrigley field. You got to be kidding me. As they drive away from her. You've got to be kidding me. Did you see what we just did? That looks a lot like Wrigley. Genius. Has she asked how ivy gets on the walls or anything like that? No, I think she gets that one. That one's not. I think she's asked me why. And I don't know. I forgot. I always forget that. And then they always say it in, like, a Cub special. I'm like, oh, yeah, I think it was. One of the owners thought it was a. To protect the players from those bricks. Yeah, that helps. Just throw some ivy up there. They haven't invented padding? I don't know. But yes, accidentally. And I drove her by the dial building. I don't know what they call that thing anymore. It used to be the Greyhound tower, and then it was the dial viad. And that one downtown, the bar of soap. You know, it's shaped like a football. That's actually really hard Construction design. Was that an accident? Yep. They made the most of it, though. What a good accident. Hey, all of our steel's banded. We'll just make the top curvy, right? Great work, boss. I would like to see that happen where they just reveal. Move that bus. And the stadium is just this ramshackle mess. We didn't have plans. We're gonna start over. Here's to knock it down and start again. Legos. Somebody emailed me a Megan 911, his wife and him. My wife and I were out in the backyard and we found a snake skin. She sees it. Oh my God. I went to pick it up. She goes, stop. Is it still dangerous? I don't think so. Well, I'm not comfortable with this. Let's call someone and make sure and they can get rid of it properly so it doesn't hurt us.

[Brady Bogan]

It plays the skin.

[John Holmberg]

The skin can still bite you. It's a snake's biggest trick to leave its skin behind as faux snake. And then, oh my God. It's an invisible snake wrapped in snakeskin. It can still bite you. So he's like trying to explain to her that once the snake has left the skin, it's no longer a snake. It doesn't count anymore. The teeth are also with the original snake. So that's how that works. It was pretty hilarious. So if you've got a wife and snakeskins in the backyard. I found a snake skin yesterday. Great one. And the where were it was over in the. By the pool equipment in the little pool room there. And he's got a little hole he's dug out. I'm fine with him. His name's Sam. We're cool black and yellow friendly fellow. So he's out in the backyard taking care of business and I still have not. We're in a. The ultimate battle is raging at my house. An unspoken ultimate battle. Who's going to wash that dead bird off the window? You remember last week when I told you that bird still there guts and wings and things? I'm not touching that. That's disgusting. You got a hose? Well, I got a hose, but I also got a wife and she's a window cleaner. Right. Those are. That's women's work. So she's supposed to be out there cleaning the windows and she said, can you get that out there? No, I cleaned up the carcass windows of yours. The windows belong to you. I went out and picked up the dead little bird and his broken neck and blood pouring out of his eyes and mouth and I was the one who had to witness the carnage and do a proper burial in the alley. Yeah, we do the dirty work. We do that stuff. I took care of the body. You clean, but there's wings and chunks. It's part of being a lady. I hate to break it to you, but that's why all the commercials for cleaning supplies have women in them. Don't you remember Pulp Fiction? They had to clean the back of that car. That's exactly right. Samuel L. Jackson, John Travolta back there cleaning the brains out of everything while a real man took care of the body. Right. They were doing the women's work because they weren't willing to do the other side. I picked up the bird. You clean up the window. That's how it works around here and that's how it stays. So just this big imprint of a bird. I'll take a picture of it today. Put a big imprint of a bird on the window with two chunks of feather. Like where his skin came off. He hit so hard and his feathers stuck to the window and they're not coming off. Like I've gone there. It's kind of neat. Yeah, it's a little different. I've gone frame it. I've gone. But it's kind of framed already because the windows are pained and it hit one pane. So it's in its own little. It's like art. It is. That's what I said. I kind of enjoy it. So I've. I've gone out there and like on the feathers on the window, they don't come off. His little body glued itself. I mean, he hit hard. You had it happen the same day. Morning sickness. Artist John Hoffman had one hit a car that day. It's like I had one hit my car. So we're getting close to the Hitchcock the way. And then I was watching a game the other day for. It was in San Francisco. They went into extra innings with the Diamondbacks game once. It was like the end of the ninth inning when it's supposed to be over. The seagulls just flocked on and they're like, no, we got a couple innings left and they were everywhere. They just kept playing. It's like they knew, hey, this game's normally over. There's a of ton ton of dirty food left by these pig people in here and we'll help clean up. And they just waited and the game went on. It was really strange looking. So keep your eye on birds today. If you get one too close, killer, they're up to no good. Always making trouble in your neighborhood. Yeah. Started one little bird fight. Bird mom got mad.

[Brady Bogan]

No direct eye contact with a bird.

[John Holmberg]

Moving to the nest with your auntie and Bella. I flew up to the house about seven or eight. It's out of control now.