02-20-25 - FULL SHOW - THURSDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode: 02-20-25 - FULL SHOW - THURSDAY - Holmberg's Morning Sickness 98 KUPD
Release Date: February 20, 2025

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Overview

In this engaging and multifaceted episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness on Arizona's #1 Morning Radio Show, host John Holmberg, alongside his dynamic team—Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo—delves into a variety of topics ranging from sports commentary to in-depth discussions on societal issues. The episode is marked by humor, insightful debates, and interactive segments that resonate with both regular listeners and newcomers.

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1. Spring Training Scrutiny

Timestamp: [00:33] - [04:12]

John Holmberg kicks off the show with a passionate rant about the commercialization and mismanagement of spring training in baseball. He criticizes the early start dates and the teams' trips to Japan, viewing these as unnecessary business maneuvers that detract from the genuine enjoyment of spring training.

John Holmberg (00:45): "Spring training is not necessary and completely a business venture to fleece you out of your money."

Holmberg laments the skyrocketing costs of parking and tickets, advocating for a return to more affordable and enjoyable experiences similar to fall leagues.

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2. Gabby Petito Documentary Review

Timestamp: [04:45] - [15:31]

The conversation takes a somber turn as Holmberg provides a critical review of the Gabby Petito documentary. He explores the psychological strain of prolonged road trips, especially when coupled with the pressures of documenting every moment for YouTube fame.

John Holmberg (05:35): "It was inevitable that someone was going to kill someone."

Holmberg discusses the dynamics between Gabby Petito and her boyfriend Brian Laundrie, highlighting how intense confinement can lead to tragic outcomes. He emphasizes the lack of preparedness and support systems for individuals embarking on such ventures.

Brady Bogen (07:32): "Women won't watch it the same way we do, I'll say that."

The hosts debate the roles of parenting and personal responsibility, suggesting that poor guidance and unrealistic ambitions contribute significantly to such tragedies.

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3. Personal Anecdotes on Road Trips and Relationships

Timestamp: [15:31] - [25:07]

Holmberg shares personal stories reflecting on his own experiences with road trips, emphasizing how prolonged time in confined spaces can test relationships. He humorously intertwines these anecdotes with mockery of unconventional living arrangements like van life and tiny houses.

John Holmberg (20:28): "You cannot do it. You cannot."

The segment underscores the importance of balance and personal space in maintaining healthy relationships, using exaggerated humor to make the point.

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4. Entertainment Segment: "Beat My Dick" Game

Timestamp: [116:45] - [127:56]

In a lively and competitive twist, Holmberg introduces the "Beat My Dick" game, challenging co-host Dick Toledo and listeners to name world capitals accurately and swiftly. The segment is filled with playful banter, increasing listener engagement through interactive participation.

John Holmberg (117:22): "Abu Dhabi, Ethiopia. Incorrect."

Despite the humorous and irreverent nature of the game, it effectively tests knowledge under pressure, adding an entertaining layer to the show.

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5. Sports Talk: Hockey and Beyond

Timestamp: [128:10] - [143:04]

Transitioning back to sports, the hosts passionately discuss ongoing hockey events, comparing them to other sports like basketball and football. They highlight the intensity and unpredictability of hockey, speculating on potential rivalries and fan dynamics.

John Holmberg (160:37): "It's like the Pina Colada song. It's like the Pina Colada song. Hostage."

The dialogue reflects Holmberg's enthusiasm for sports, blending it seamlessly with humor and personal opinions.

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6. Listener Interactions and Concluding Remarks

Timestamp: [143:04] - [149:07]

Throughout the episode, Holmberg engages with listeners through calls and emails, addressing topics ranging from personal experiences to broader societal observations. The interaction fosters a sense of community and relatability among the audience.

John Holmberg (170:24): "Let me think about that. I gotta reflect on that. The question's nuanced and layered and I need to."

The show wraps up with reflections on relationships, societal norms, and a humorous take on personal hygiene, leaving listeners both entertained and contemplative.

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Notable Quotes with Attribution

1. John Holmberg (00:45): "Spring training is not necessary and completely a business venture to fleece you out of your money."
2. John Holmberg (05:35): "It was inevitable that someone was going to kill someone."
3. Brady Bogen (07:32): "Women won't watch it the same way we do, I'll say that."
4. John Holmberg (20:28): "You cannot do it. You cannot."
5. John Holmberg (117:22): "Abu Dhabi, Ethiopia. Incorrect."
6. John Holmberg (160:37): "It's like the Pina Colada song. It's like the Pina Colada song. Hostage."
7. John Holmberg (170:24): "Let me think about that. I gotta reflect on that. The question's nuanced and layered and I need to."

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Conclusion

This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness offers a blend of humor, critical analysis, and personal storytelling. John Holmberg and his team navigate through lighthearted segments and serious discussions with ease, providing listeners with both entertainment and thoughtful commentary. Whether debating the merits of spring training or dissecting the complexities of modern relationships, the show maintains a balance that keeps its audience engaged and eager for more.

Transcript

[Dick Toledo]

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[John Holmberg]

Thought that was funny. You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? Good morning everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Thursday. It is 5:45, the morning sickness. My name's John. There's Brady, there's Brett, there's Toledo. We're off and running for another perfect first day of spring training. It's, it is officially starting today. Odd because they have to start a little early, but they got that thing with the Dodgers and the Cubs in a couple of weeks where they go to Japan and play two regular season games in the middle of spring training and then come back and finish spring training, get their clocks all messed up. And that is the, you know, I'm a big sports fan. I think you guys know that. But that is the ultimate way of them rubbing in your face that spring training is not necessary and completely a business venture to fleece you out of your money. If they can, if they can send the teams off during the practice to get them all ready for the regular season to play some regular season games and then come back and go, we're not ready yet. We got to. It doesn't make any sense to me. And that's why it's $40 to park at a Cubs and Dodgers, Cubs and White Sox game. That's why it's $90 tickets to sit on the lawn. They've ruined it. They've ruined spring training. I love that it's here, but man, oh man, if they made that thing an awkward mess, are you going to go to any game you like right off the bat? These are the ones to go to, like the early week when, well, I mean all the players reports there. But you can go down and watch them do stuff.

[Brady]

And I'm thinking about it. I just, you know, you get going.

[John Holmberg]

In the first weeks of March, the spring break happens and man, oh man, it's it's impossible. It's like horrible to go.

[Brady]

Yeah. But you get near the end, and that's when your. Your favorite players play for like an.

[John Holmberg]

Inning and a half.

[Brady]

And then you get number 98 that comes in. There's like seven of them with no names on their jerseys.

[John Holmberg]

It's. You get to watch grownups practice stuff. But it's here.

[Brett]

You're going out for the outing.

[John Holmberg]

It's traditional. Yeah. You're going out. It's almost the Phoenix Open. You get drunk, you spend another $200 on a little League practice for dudes who you may or may not see. That's why I like that fall league so much. It's eight bucks. You get in there. There's no. You know, they just. They let you park, you go wander around. It's $8 a couple beers. Beers get a little pricey, but it's. It's pretty great. But spring training, from what it was to what it is, and people, you know, the people who don't know what it was don't have anything to comp to. This is what it's been for a while. But, man, growing up here, spring training was such a gem. It was so fun beyond the drinking. Like you could go and not drink and still enjoy the day and have fun at the game and it wasn't going to break you. But man, but it's back. And I'll end up going to a few games because that's what I end up doing. But I'm that. I'm the old get off my lawn guy. I remember a time when I used to wander right up, buy a ticket for 30 bucks and sit right behind home plate. Now that was a day. Now it's just.

[Brett]

I was spoiled for a couple of weeks when I first moved out here. Cause Brennaman was doing the Cubs.

[Brady]

Oh, man.

[Brett]

We'd go down to Hohokam and I.

[John Holmberg]

Sat with Harry three times. They only did a few games, but Harry demanded to come out for spring because he wanted to drink and be in nice weather for a month before the season.

[Brett]

We'd have lunch at 1105 sharp.

[John Holmberg]

Yep.

[Brett]

Harry had to eat right there because.

[John Holmberg]

What was the steakhouse?

[Rich]

He wanted to go.

[John Holmberg]

Bandera was the place. He had the sugars. He had to keep his feet alive.

[Brett]

He had to eat at 1105. I mean, get that.

[John Holmberg]

I gotta tell you right now.

[Rich]

Tell your friend Brady that it's.

[John Holmberg]

We're hitting the buffet at 1105.

[Rich]

No waiting.

[Brett]

Oh, no, you're eating. Boy, oh boy.

[John Holmberg]

I'm eating at 1108. I'm out. He. Yeah. Harry was a special one. That's just. Baseball was different.

[Brady]

There was nothing like Harry and Steve back in the day.

[John Holmberg]

They'd show up for spring and you'd be there at spring training and look back, hey, how you doing, fans? Like, he's eight feet from me. Harry Carey's calling the game from ho. Hokum. I mean it was, it was different. It was a. There was a fun. Oh, just a vibe about it that was totally different than give me 80 bucks, go to the games. It's just, it's just a. Again, it's a business and I get that, but it ain't the same. The hell's a business. It's not the same. Yeah. I mean going and I, I don't want to drive to surprise, but that's the place to watch baseball.

[Brady]

It's the best park in the. In the cactus.

[John Holmberg]

Couldn't agree more. It's the one that makes me feel most like what it is. Which is kind of like a special little moment to watch, you know, your stars and your up and cominging guys. And then it's the only reason to.

[Brady]

Go to the west side.

[John Holmberg]

Well. And yeah. And even then I'm not doing it. There's no possible way I'm doing it. I spent the evening last night. I was in and out. I slept. I didn't sleep. I slept. Felt great on my new schedule. Finding my way around it and then, you know, it was up. So through the Gabby Petito Netflix doc yet? Man. Man. All right. Here's my review of the Gabby Petito horrible documentary. It should be illegal to be on a road trip for 50 plus days with anyone. It was. It was inevitable that someone was going to kill someone.

[Brett]

There's going to be cabin fever.

[John Holmberg]

I watched. You can't live in a v voluntarily for 50 days or more and drive around all over the country and not try to kill the other person. I'm watching that thing and I'm not saying anyone deserves to be beaten, killed or otherwise. Certainly is a tragic tale. Sad all the way around. But it wasn't her. It was going to be him watching that thing. She was. She was a 22 year old. A little bit grand ideas of like wanting to be famous through Van Life vlogging. Here's another thing I think that you should do.

[Brady]

Sounds annoying.

[John Holmberg]

You should probably consider suicide if you watch YouTube. Van Life Bloggers. I didn't know until this documentary that it's in a. It's not that they Weren't the only ones. I figured that Gabby and Brian were probably the first ones to think of, like, documenting their entire day living in a van. Yeah, there's a lot of them. And there's the ones who actually helped find them were other YouTube van bloggers, van life, people who drove around living in vans. And these two dreadful hippies show up at the end of the documentary. Disgusting. And the main reason it's disgusting is because one girl said, we had a video of it. It's like 500. And then I posted the video of the van. Over a million hits. Like she was still interested in how many people were clicking on her page. It's called Red, White, and Blumenthal or something. Anyway, so I'm watching this thing, and they're about 20 days into it when maybe a little longer than that, when Gabby attacks Brian on the road, starts scratching him up and beating him, and then he hits back. And a car drives by in Moab, Utah, and says, hey, I'm watching a guy smack a girl around here. And they just climb into a white sprinter van or whatever the thing is, a transit van. And okay, the mobile.

[Brett]

Tiny.

[John Holmberg]

They pulled them over. Women won't watch it the same way we do, I'll say that. It's a divide in the house, I'll guarantee you that. Because this dude is nuts for wanting to do what he's doing in the first place. He's possessive. He's not a good person. She's also 22 and a little bit off. Like, we all, like, at Tony Roma's every.

[Brett]

And they found each other, right?

[John Holmberg]

And every. If anybody I Knew at age 22 was like, was gonna go on an all summer or hundred day road trip in a van with any of the other people at Tony Roma's, my first words would have been, one of you is gonna kill each other. There's no possible way this works out. You will kill the person. You could be married to somebody for 15 or 20 years and say, hey, let's grab a van and live in it for 100 days and drive around. You're going to kill the other person. You have to have a spot that you pull over at the end of the whole documentary. And I think, you know, no spoiler alerts here. Gaby doesn't make it.

[Brady]

Oh, man.

[John Holmberg]

I'm sorry. Jeez.

[Brady]

Thanks, Brady.

[John Holmberg]

I know on pins and needles, her parents are in the documentary. And I don't know. I'm not a dad. Maybe you can back me up on this, Brady. But within a couple years of Your daughter being viciously murdered in the woods by some crazed Van Life blogger. And then he goes and takes his own life in a swamp after. The last thing I'm doing is a documentary about that where I sit and talk about any of it. I just. That's a private thing.

[Brett]

I got a chance of going viral, bro.

[John Holmberg]

Well, the last lines of the thing, they give like little clips of like. And they did a nice thing. The parents did do this to raise awareness for domestic violence because there were opportunities to stop this when the cops found them and they were beaten on each other and the cops were like, we're going to separate you for a day. You two stay apart. This is the way it's going to work. I could arrest one of you. I could arrest somebody for domestic violence. And when she got pulled over, that. That classic video of her standing on the side of the road with. And all men noticed hard nipples for no reason. All we noticed that. But we did remember when she was another spoiler. Remember when the video came out, it was like, oh, wow, she's kind of cute. It ruined. They started. Well, you're looking like, look how hard her nipples are. Like, guys saw that. Women didn't see that. Guys saw that. And you'll go back and you'll look at. If you didn't, you're like, oh, that shirt's completely see through. Like, this is kind of hot. She was the aggressor in the attack on him. He. He wasn't by any means innocent. But the two of them together were kind of going the wrong direction. Cops could have thrown one in jail, whatever. So they start. The parents did start a nice thing for domestic violence. Like what cops have to ask if they're called to that situation to get through 11 steps. I think that's really great. But then at the end of the documentary, it said this video was on her page before she died. And it only had 500 views now. Over 7 million. Well, yeah, well, I guess she. Guess she got what she wanted then. I mean, it took some doing.

[Brett]

There you go.

[John Holmberg]

It took a little push to go. You know what's going to put these numbers over the top? You could murder me. But that should be illegal. Like, you should have to. I'm not all about like regulations and I'm for freedom and stuff, but anybody who's going on 100 day camping trip in a Ford Transit that they made themselves a little bed in the back and those solar panels to keep their. And you're gonna spend that much time on the road to Somebody. There they are.

[Brady]

Oh, nice.

[John Holmberg]

Brett. Not.

[Brady]

Oh, that's not what we were talking about.

[John Holmberg]

She's been murdered. No. Her nipples are hard. Yes, very nice. But it's a trag.

[Brady]

Well, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Someone was going to kill someone. Now, the documentary also strikes out to me because the real story of this documentary, after you watch. Oh, they run the road for 41 days. I'd kill anybody I'm on the road with for 41 days. I'm not getting out of that. Not being a murderer, that's enough to drive the American Psycho. One or the other was going to kill somebody. The parents of Brian Laundrie are the real documentary because they. I didn't know about this, but the mom wrote him a letter after he came back that said, burn. After reading that said, if you ever need to dispose of a body, you call me. I'll bring a shovel and dig the hole. You know, she's the laundry family. That is Brett family. I thought of you immediately. That's my mom. That's some over the top mothering. I don't know if that's helicopter mom got a shovel on it, but it's definitely, you know, Army Corps of Engineers mom. That's for sure. So she wrote this letter. He didn't burn it. He kept it. But he came back and the cops knocked on the door and said, hey, Van's in the driveway here. Gabby's been missing for three weeks. The parents have called, wanted to do a check and see. We don't know where Brian is. We haven't heard from him either. And he goes, oh, Brian's here. He's like, oh, is Gabby with him? I'm not talking about anything. Here's my attorney's card. We weren't suspicious until now. Like, we didn't know what was going on till now. Those people refuse to talk on the documentary. Those people are the ones that need. Like, that's the story. And they just. To me, they swung and missed. As far as getting the story out, I do.

[Brett]

Mom probably said the whole time, don't go on this trip. You're going to kill.

[John Holmberg]

You're going to kill it. You're going to go nuts. I don't want to disparage a victim. Shame. But if you told me right now, Ronnie and I are going in 100. You're going to kill that bitch. You better not do that. You're going to. You're going to hate her in the first two weeks. You can't be in the car. I don't care how nice the car Is with anyone for 30 solid days. Driving through Utah, you don't think about the downtime ask bands make. Oh, they have to start. They'll either kill each other or start doing heroin. Something terrible comes out of that. I didn't know they were on the road that long. I didn't know this was going on that long. And camping, taking showers and truck stops for four bucks at a pop.

[Brett]

And didn't he say they kind of went their own way? Is that, I mean, when he was at home.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, his first thing was that they got into a fight and he left her there. But he also said he flew home and was like, well, how's her van in your parking lot, you moron. Where is she? And it's registered her. So, I mean, it was. It was an obvious f up. And he's dumb and there's nothing about him that's good, you know? And again, it's parenting. You got a kid who's 22 years old, don't pull the whole, she's an adult. She can do what she wants. Anytime she's making a decision that dumb, you step in and go, no, you're not going on a forever road trip with that bald 22 year old. That's just not a thing. A bald 22 year old. I'll tell you from experience, I didn't go bald when I was 22. But certainly the signs were showing not the most stable individual. Not a lot of. Not a lot of security running around with me and my future at that moment. Because. So any girl that I liked, I was gonna be possessive of because she was accepting me while I molted. Then I got used to being bald and I got some confidence based on that. But I was molting. I was a molting man. Hair was falling out. I was looking crazier and crazier by the minute. And so, yeah, any girl that I was with, let's go on a road trip, like, yes, let's forever disappear from people we know well, when they'll return. Bald. It was always on my mind. He's too bald. He's too messed up to have. And of course he wants to live in the woods. He's insecure about his. I'm telling you, baldness had a lot to do with this. He was insecure. This cute girl liked him. I don't want to be around people anymore. People tease me a lot about looking like, I'm 40 and I'm 22. You're going to kill someone. I'm telling you right now, if you've got a family trip planned for more than 14 days in a car and you don't get to stay at a resort five times in that 14 days, you're going to kill someone. You cannot do it. Cannot do it. But watching. It's the number one documentary on Netflix. It's all over. It's kind of worth watching because it's. It is interesting. It is voyeuristic. You're going to peer into lives that you already know end poorly. And it is. How did it get there? Doesn't really show you how you get there. But I walked away saying this was going.

[Brett]

I can understand how this happens.

[John Holmberg]

This was. Yeah, I. I sort of understood why everybody snapped. Can be done. You're basically. You know what happens to prisoners when they stuff them in the hole and they come out a little bit crazy. It was in 12, 15 days in the hole. Yeah. You're doing that on purpose in a car. You're stuffing yourself isolating in this weird little. And you never escape it. And then you drive off into the deep woods and you sit in that car with that same person while they edit YouTube things and say, we're in Moab and we're having a nice day and there's nothing interesting about what's going on and money's probably getting a little tight.

[Brett]

There's a great movie years ago with Kevin Bacon, where he was in prison. They put him in solitary for like a year. It's based on a true story.

[John Holmberg]

He's going to go crazy. Yeah. You can't. You cannot self isolate. You can't isolate like that and then have another person there and get along the whole time. And. And then also the stink. Like, you're 22, she's 22. You've got some hormones brewing in that situation. You're in the back of this van, pounding away, and you're not getting good showers on the reg. So, you know, there's some stink involved. I would tell you right now. You take homeless people. Don't start off like that. I think it's like your 10th in the street. And then you start saying your brain starts going goofy on you. They don't all. They're not all on drugs. Some of them just go a little bananas because of the situation of living outside all the time. Time.

[Brady]

100 days. I mean, I. I love my wife, but I can barely drive to the pavilion out there without wanting to kill her. So, I mean, Jesus couldn't imagine being in a van if in the past.

[John Holmberg]

Megan has driven us somewhere I've wished for death, but we're not going fast enough to die.

[Brett]

I know two families that did the RV thing with their three kids for a year. Let's just take a year off.

[John Holmberg]

How many of them?

[Brett]

They're not to get. Both are not together, but it wasn't one closer to after the road trip. The other. Eventually it just.

[Rich]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Look, it had to have something to do with it.

[John Holmberg]

It has everything to do with it. You cannot love someone so much to want to spend all that time with them. Nelson Mandela was in jail for, like, 30 years, and his wife stuck with him until they lived together. Nelson Mandela went through God knows what for all that time in that jail. When he got out, he lived with his wife for 18 months. He's like, I can't take it. I'm out. And he got out of. He divorced her after he was.

[Brett]

Then you see all the, you know, RVs rolling in town now. One of the. But those are bigger coaches, and I guess they can park them and they.

[John Holmberg]

Get out and there's a shower. And I'm not saying RVs, but you got to limit that.

[Brett]

The van, it's a different bird.

[John Holmberg]

It doesn't matter the time. You can have the RV. You can't tool around with one person for 100 days.

[Brady]

Nope.

[John Holmberg]

20 days. 20 days, you start seeing. You start. Start having fever dreams about them not being there anymore. I guarantee you that. And then about 30 days in, you start. You've had probably well thought out plans on how you're going to do this. By day 4045, there's definitely been a punch thrown. There's no question. You're getting out of two months of driving around in a car with somebody. One punch is not thrown. Gabby was the first one to toss. To throw chingazos. She was the one chucking hands. So you watch it and you're like, where were the people in their lives to say, worst idea ever? And I think it's the YouTube generation. I think it's the. I want to be a YouTube star. And parents are like, I think it's Grace. He wants to be moms that are friends with their daughters, want them to. I know a few people that have daughters that they would allow this.

[Brett]

I think it's going to be great.

[John Holmberg]

Because they think their daughters are extra special and the world needs to know what they had for breakfast. And so when the daughter's like, I'm gonna show everybody to be a famous. No, you're not. You're. You're basically a dopey. Nomad that nobody cares about. You're a hippie. And hippies that. That world's been done. Yeah. You're gonna kill someone. So you know summer's coming. Spring breaks right around the corner.

[Brett]

On fire a little bit this summer because Fish goes on tour.

[Rich]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

Well, at least it gives them something to do with other people.

[Brady]

Oh, they all smell.

[Brett]

Anyway, September will be busy months for the vlogging.

[John Holmberg]

No, and that's fine. An event is fine. Living in it. I watched those tiny house people argued with Rich. Remember Toledo was talking about wanting to do that. Imagine how dead his son would be if Toledo followed through. But I'm a good friend. And I said, you're an absolute idiot for thinking we're thinking about maybe getting a tiny house. The whole family gonna pile into one of those 300 square foot boxes in somebody's backyard. And he said. And then he got mad that no one would visit. He would have killed his son. There's no doubt in my mind. We'd have been talking about our old.

[Brett]

Producer living up in the bunk house.

[Rich]

He would have.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, those two would have killed each other. No family loves.

[Brett]

You're my best friend.

[John Holmberg]

No family loves each other that much. No, they wouldn't be. And other than Theta Menendez. Toledo, did we just become best friends? Are we gonna kill your dad? We're gonna kill your dad dead in these woods for dragging us out here in this little box. Yep. Morning, Mr. Toledo. And today is the last time anyone's ever gonna say that to you. The two of those idiots would have plotted to murder Toledo and they'd have been right because that's not supporting a family. I watched that tiny house show and the hippies had three kids. We took our kids out of school. We thought it'd just be great to see the country. And they bought a goddamn school bus and put beds and a kitchen in it. And it wasn't a good kitchen. And a bucket. The buckets, the giveaway here that someone's going to get murdered, they're pulling over to you. Try. You try for 41 days in those side. Those pull off places, those. Those restrooms on the road. Try. Try that four or five times a day every day for a month. Now multiply it by two months, three months, you're someone's getting killed. So I watched that and I'm like, well, I feel bad for Gabby. She's a sweet young girl. Didn't know any different. But this was inevitable. Some one of these two was gonna kill the other mother. And it just Happened. And I know I'll get back. There's a victim and she's. Nope, nope, and nope.

[Rich]

Murder.

[John Holmberg]

It was inevitable. So. Yes. Did I watch it? Did I enjoy it? Yeah, it was good. I like.

[Brady]

As good as OJ?

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

OJ was awesome. OJ's got so many angles.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And nobody deserves to die.

[Brett]

The jaw drops a lot more. Yeah, I haven't seen that OJ just. There's a couple OJ's.

[John Holmberg]

An adult. OJ's an adult. Who could have just avoided it all. There's no avoiding it when you're in a van with somebody for two months. It's just. You're gonna kill somebody.

[Brady]

But you ought to know better when you see the Home Depot bucket there with a. With a roll of toilet paper next to it.

[Rich]

And out.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Everybody says how much fun it is. Let's go camping. There's a reason you only can't for a day or two.

[Brady]

I don't go at all.

[John Holmberg]

I don't either. It's terrible. It's just. And when you're. When you're up and grown. Why am I doing this? Like this? This is only fun for a child.

[Brett]

A grown up weekend's awesome when you're a kid.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Because you don't. You don't have any of the life responsibilities. It's. It's so. I don't know.

[Brady]

And they're coming in. Hey, John. I can't ride my wife to Flagstaff without wanting to kill her.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, every. Every guy and girl have been in a fight on a two hour drive.

[Brett]

You know, you miss the exit.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, and if you get one, it'd.

[Brett]

Be nice to tell me, you know.

[John Holmberg]

Didn'T even, didn't even cross my goddamn mind that she might have been a side.

[Brady]

You'd have said it sooner.

[John Holmberg]

I would have known that she might have been sitting there going, why are you going so fast? Brian? The van. You're knocking down all of our dishes. Well, you put the dishes in the box like I told you to put the dishes instead of up. But they don't have to be displayed. Brian. I want a nice home. I want to kill you. Gonna kill you. You can't do it. I didn't think about her passenger seat etiquette. And there's little videos in there where she gets a little snippy with him. And I'm not saying it's murderous snippy, but I'm saying that adds up over time. When you're sitting there like, this bitch gonna yell at me every time we start a video. He's. He's not normal. No one who wants to do that is. And I think she taps the nerves every once in a while because she's 22. You can't spend that much time with a 22 year old at all. Even your kids, your 22 year old kids, you want them out of the house. That's the reason you want him to move away. Toledo was excited that his deadbeat son moved out. And now he's like, ah, it's gotta come back. It's gotta live with me again. He doesn't want him in there anymore. Imagine those two on the road together, Rich and the boy. I give him a week, he'd kill him.

[Brady]

And he's paying for the kid to stay away. I mean, he's paying the rent.

[John Holmberg]

This is good parenting. It's like, look, we're at the age now where I'm probably thinking about killing you and it's getting fairly serious, my murderous rage towards you. So let me pay for you. Yeah, let's. Let's get you in the car and never stop being together. Oh, yeah, that's a good idea. I didn't know the full Gabby Petito story. All I knew was cute girl and they paint him lunatic boy. And he's not normal. Again, I'm not saying Brian Laundrie is a victim here. He's not. He was as dumb and, and weird as her, but he.

[Brett]

And cabin fever and getting into fights is one thing, but that took it to the next level.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you think, yeah, murder.

[Brett]

Well, there's a difference. I'm just saying that guy, that doesn't. I mean, there's people that, you know that go through those stages. Bands work it out. There's just, look, just.

[John Holmberg]

If they could kill it. Bands work it out. Because it's not just two. Simon and Garfunkel weren't going on the road in a van together every day without a stop. You have to have like, stops. Like we have a show, we have a purpose to go to the next place that's actually gonna deliver on something. These two were just driving around aimlessly and videotaping it. Like someone else might be interested in them doing nothing. And unfortunately there's an audience for that, evidently. And the audience is other people doing the same thing. And look, they interview two nomads in the middle of this thing. You're like, those two just as crazy as Gabby and Brian. They're gonna end up killing each other too. Can't be done. So if you're thinking about It Spring break. There's a reason why we don't get three, four months off a year. Deep down, everybody knows if we did that. Remember Covid? We all just drank ourselves into comas. I spent too much time with her telling me, like, she and I. I don't want to be here anymore. She's always home. She's always here, and she's looking at you going, he's never out of the house. It was always home. Like, that's the worst thing that can happen to your relationship, is the other one never leaves. They're always there. She's always here. Do you have anything to do? Do you? We're gonna kill each other. Let's go on a road trip and trap ourselves in a little box for a month. No. I'm gonna kill you. And he had scratches all over his face. And he was beat up pretty good. And the cops were like, you're the victim here. And he was. Women won't see that. Women will watch that differently. And it's. And it's probably. And there's. They're probably right, too. Both sides can look at this. But my basic takeaway was it's look. It's bad parenting. It's just. I get it. They're 22. They're allowed to do what they want. But at a certain point, the word no comes into play. I'm just. No. Not gonna give you extra money. I'm not supporting this. You have to be parents that. My parents are jerks. They won't support my YouTube vlogger Van Dreams. Right. Cause I'm an adult and I understand how the world works. You're 22. You're not driving around the world. You're an idiot. Sit down. Get a job. And she was working at Taco Bell, and she was kicking ass, but she was saving money for the van life. Idiots. Idiots.

[Brett]

I've seen it work in a way that basically said, the parents said, all right, yeah. One year to figure it out.

[John Holmberg]

Driving around in a van.

[Brett]

Not. Well, if that's the case where they want to be a vlog or I want to be an actor or whatever.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brett]

Go to la.

[John Holmberg]

I'll help you out for a while.

[Brett]

For a year.

[John Holmberg]

Right. Well, you can go.

[Brett]

Whatever that's called.

[John Holmberg]

Ambition.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And you might need some help. Parents should still help, but not when it's a terrible idea. If your kid says, I want to be an actor, moving to la, I'm like, are you sure you're ready for this? I'll help you out with that. If you're going to force this. But if it's not working out in here, I can't. You can't drain me, right? That's ambition. That's a goal.

[Rich]

Morning sickness. The 98 KUPD. Holmberg's morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

If Kirby said to you, hey, no end date. No real goal here outside of hoping for clicks, but I'm going to drive around with this dude that you guys kind of think is a little strange anyway, and we're just going to traverse the planet in a van and maybe. No, no, no, that's bad. You gotta tell her. No, she has to hear. No, kids need to hear that more often. There's this new thing called. What are they? Fafo parenting, which I love. It's basically fafo and it's around and find out. And parents are not telling their kids no. They're just like, you're gonna hurt yourself. Go ahead and it's the f. Around and find out parenting. And that's the pendulum swinging, which I love. I don't want. But parents need to start telling kids, oh, you're a idiot. That's a terrible idea. But they don't do that anymore, especially moms. They don't. They don't. Mom's job isn't to tell your kids that they're stupid, and that's the dad's job. So again, it goes back to the single parent world where the mom's like, I think every idea you have is wonderful and you should. You should explore all the opportunities while you're young. Nope. My dad would come in and go, what the hell you want to do? You and Jackie want to do what? We're getting Ford Transit van, dad. And we're going to. We're going to save up. We're going to drive around endlessly for no reason, and we're going to film ourselves doing it and people will watch. Let me ask you a quick question there. Why the. Does anyone want to watch your balding giant head drive around the country when they can do it themselves? You don't understand the way the world works, old man. I'm not buying you a dumbass van. Get it. Go back to Tony Romans and clean tables, you dumb piece of. And then 20 years later, I've been like, hey, thanks for that whole thing about not letting me go on that road trip with that lunatic that I thought I loved. You're right. Yeah. Whatever happened to her? Oh, started stealing drugs from a hospital. You were right. 100% across the board, right on the money. And I'm glad you didn't learn the lesson the hard way because you'd have killed her, boy. I saw it in your eyes. You're right. I would have killed her, Dad. I would. We tried to go to Sedona once.

[Brady]

You couldn't make it to Sedona.

[John Holmberg]

We turned around, me and that girl drove my sister's purple Mitsubishi Eclipse. And she said something around Bumblebee about living together. Keep in mind, I believe she was 19 and I was like 22, 23. And I had the wherewithal as a grown up to think of my dad's face, his hands smacking his forehead. If I go home and say, we've decided we're going to live together. Where? The basement. Here at the house. You dumb piece of sh. T. You don't have any money and a place to go. She's a hostess at a restaurant. You're not. This is dumb. He wouldn't have supported that at all.

[Brett]

Now cut the grass.

[John Holmberg]

But when she said we should live together, it seemed like a great idea. Because the sex was so plentiful. I was a bit blinded by that. It was the first time I'd ever had that going on in my life. It was like somebody bought me a brand new thing. Like I had a spaceship I could play with every once in a while. Eventually you get tired of that. But for a little bit, I was. All the knobs and buttons that I'd never seen or touched before were at my disposal. So all of her ideas seemed pretty good. But I told her, somewhere in Bumblebee, I'm like, we're not gonna move in together. What are you crazy? And I just kept driving, thinking there's some logic for her right there. That's good. That'll pipe her down. And then I just heard. I'm like, oh, what did I do? What did I say? There is this. Do I not get to touch your. Later today? Did I just wreck this? Because that's why we're going to Sedona. To banging the red rocks. I thought we were both on the. I guess you don't love me like I thought. I don't want to move in with anybody yet. I'm. I can barely. I can barely feed myself. We had to borrow my sister's car to drive up here. You were talking about living together. That's responsibilities. I didn't mean to. Tomorrow. My God. God, here we go. And so I kind of. All right, well, we'll talk about it. Well, does this mean that you don't have intentions on marrying me either? I'm like, you're 19. I'm like, oh, boy. But again, later, she's giving me a mouth hug, and I'm like, I should marry her. I'm gonna marry her. She seems like a marrying kind.

[Brady]

Dan don't know what he's talking about.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Dad's an idiot. Those, those. Yeah. Yeah. But we made it to Bumblebee before the tears. By the time we got about halfway between Bumblebee and Sedona, she starts mouthing off about not wanting to go anymore. Of course, I pipe up, well, fine, then we're not going. This is a big waste of a day. Turn around then. Fine, I'll show her. Whipped around. And now we're in a purple Mitsubishi Eclipse, heading back. No words. Maybe 90 minutes. Maybe 90 minutes. Pack up the car and leave. 90 minutes. I wanted to kill her. She wanted to kill me. Had we gone 41 days, there would have been a documentary about me killing some girl up there and probably would have made it maybe to Strawberry. We had gone to Sedona and then worked our way over towards Pace, and by the time we got it, I'd have killed it. All you start doing is looking around. You do it on a road trip. We went to that thing out there in Kearney that time. And driving back through all the desert, as a man, all you think about is, man, there's a lot of places to hide a body out here. Oops. What the hell's going on with my brain? Why am I thinking about that? Because you're built with it. You're built with it. It's inside you. A logical person fights. An illogical person goes, yeah, I'll remember this for when I inevitably kill her. And don't think they're not thinking it too. No, 100% thinks about killing you constantly. Oh, yeah.

[Brady]

Daily she just texts me, I'm gonna kill you now. After I made that comment, I'm like, but it's true.

[John Holmberg]

It is. And they have romanticized anything. So you tell the girls, like, you know when they watch shows, when somebody gets double amputation, and they always, would you stay with me if I lost both my legs? And they expect us to say yes. And, like, that's. Nothing would. Nothing would stop me from loving you. Nah, I wouldn't want to push you around at all.

[Brady]

No, no.

[John Holmberg]

But I'd be gone. You get. You get, like, fungus in your fingernails. And I'm gonna start thinking about it getting out. What do you want? And I know that there's women sitting on the couch watching this Gabby Petit. We could make it out. We could be in a car together. I could be trapped with you forever in a small space, like, that is nobody's goal. And every guy's like, yeah, that would be great. They romanticize it. And you would say, like, what? You told Mathia even though she knows, hey, I'd probably kill you on a car ride across the nation. Probably kill you. She'd probably kill me too. And you'd probably want to. And they'd be like, no, that's not it. Because in their minds, they want it to be a Harlequin romance. Deep down, they know it's the same mentality as when I went down during the MeToo movement and told all the ladies here there was absolutely no chance of me sexually harassing anyone in this building. And I said it out loud, like, I know. Me too. Me too. Is going on. I look around this room, and I can assure you, ladies, it's a safe work environment, because I wouldn't. I wouldn't even consider sexually harassing any of you in this room. And what's the first thing I heard? Hey, you like, wait a second. I thought it was crazy.

[Brady]

I was offended by.

[John Holmberg]

They were mad at me. The delivery was, you know, hilarious, but they were mad. Oh, you're not gonna sexually harass me. How dare you. What? Isn't that the goal here? This whole movement is that dudes climb on board. No chance I sexually. Especially you. No chance I sexually harass you. Such an asshole. Here's my ranking of people in the building that I would probably sexually harass first. And I'm telling you, it's. If you're down at the bottom of this thing, you could walk around naked, not worry about me.

[Brady]

Moynihan.

[John Holmberg]

You got no shot. Moynihan was second of being sexually harassed all those projects to all the other.

[Brett]

Goals they have on the wall, right?

[John Holmberg]

I'd be like, ah, this one would be mouthy. This one's a. This one's a. She's gonna call the police. All that stuff. See, I. They all have romanticized ideas of the Hallmark movies. Wreck it. Sexual harassment happens in Hallmark movies, and they end up falling for the guy because he's persistent.

[Brady]

God damn that Lacy Shebert.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, geez. She's wrecked a lot of brain. A lot of brain. Yeah. Ronnie would carve you up and hang you over the back of a. Like, you'd be. You'd be all done. Take a while, it would. But she'd take. She'd relish every second, every single noise that. That Serrated knife made as it carved you from nuts to throat like a two pound trout. Would give her great joy.

[Brady]

She'd put a beer can in your mouth just like an apple could.

[John Holmberg]

They'd find you decorated in the woods. But she took time. It took energy and time. And you know what would happen? They'd consider her crazy. But we all know, 20 days on the road with you, all that farting, the bucket is always full. Smells like the bucket's full again. God damn it, Brady. We share the bucket. Well, I don't know what you want me to do with it. Dump it out at the Stuckey's. Are you crazy? She'd kill you in a second. I give you maybe two days. Two days before down a road trip. Before what? Two days of a planned. This is never ending. Two days before you start considering this.

[Brady]

Is a bad idea because Brady's a nice guy.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Vacation. The movie vacation. Chevy Chase snaps. He loses it, he's gonna kill him. You'll be whistling Zippity Doo Doo at your assholes because you're so had. That speech is every and every man's laughing. Oh, yep, that's what a road trip is. Eventually, you want to kill everyone in the car.

[Brady]

My dad said that. I mean, it was not in those words, but pretty much that.

[John Holmberg]

How many times on a road trip did your mother have the job of beating you?

[Rich]

Oh, yeah.

[Brady]

She'd swing around the back seat.

[John Holmberg]

That was because he couldn't reach. He would have done it if he wasn't busy. Thank God it was her. My mom went, wow.

[Brett]

Well, even because you're the only kid, it's not like you're getting in a fight with a sibling.

[Brady]

Yeah, but that was the whole thing.

[John Holmberg]

You're.

[Brady]

I'm bored. I gotta pee. I gotta do this, I gotta do that.

[John Holmberg]

Eventually, mom snaps, goes wildcat over that bench seat.

[Brady]

Mm.

[John Holmberg]

Starts kicking your ass in the back.

[Rich]

You gotta pee.

[John Holmberg]

We just left a goddamn rest stop.

[Brady]

That was my trips gurney.

[John Holmberg]

Punch him in the face.

[Brady]

It was so bad, he made me start peeing in, like, pop bottles and stuff like that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Oh, I'm not stopping.

[John Holmberg]

My sister and I would fight within, like, an hour of the trip starting. My mom would do the Knock it off. My dad would threaten to pull over and kill us. Like an hour at 65, 70 minutes in, there's already been a death threat to children. And then another 45 minutes before my mom has actually made contact with. With whomever. She didn't have a target. It was a wild swing, swinging, eyes closed, Somebody's getting hit. And it taught us a lesson for about eight minutes. And then my sis, my sister and I made weapons out of candy and would stab each other in the backseat like a couple of prisoners. The stick candies became. Once we discovered you can suck, sharpen those, we went right into, you know, cholo mentality in the worst part of cell block. We made shivs within the first Stuckey stop. The first pee stops, like, ah, I want to send him in one. And who could suck the shiv faster because somebody's getting knifed in that back seat?

[Brady]

Good point, John. How many murders do you think happened on the Oregon Trail back in the day?

[John Holmberg]

Could you grasp. Where are we going? There's a mountain. Joe, shut up. I don't know where this trail goes. Goddamn hardest thing I've ever done in my life.

[Brett]

Other people you're traveling with speak a different language.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, great. Indians.

[Brett]

You sure we go this way? Look.

[John Holmberg]

Savage Indians. You did this. This is your fault. I told you to turn left back there. I don't know. I'm cold. Oh, God damn it. Kids were eating your mother.

[Brett]

I remember a tough, tough summer trip was when my dad's been driving. Most of the time we're going. I think it's Arkansas. And he's like, I'll take a rest here, take a little nap for an hour. Bunny, you take over.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, boy.

[Brett]

She missed an exit 60 miles the wrong way, so he had to backtrack.

[John Holmberg]

My mom was afraid to wake my dad up because she missed an exit going to Pennsylvania one night. From Morgantown, West Virginia, to Mount Jewett, Pennsylvania is about two and a. Two hours, maybe a little longer. I don't remember. It felt like forever in the car. But my dad was tired because he worked all day, so we'd leave at night. And the last thing he'd say to my mom, there's a lot of deer out here, so just be careful out in the passenger seat. And my mom's driving, and I was the only one that I could stay up forever. And so I would stay up and talk to my mom. And I just remember, we're going and going and going. And then I just heard, like, there's no road under us anymore. Where are we? She hit, like, some orange cone thing, thinking that she was on the right exit. But it was just this thing that led us to this half road that was sort of made of asphalt and dirt at the same time. And it was pitch black, dark. I'm like, oh, she's gonna kill us. I see what's going on? She started to cry, and my dad knew it from his deep sleep. I think the first words out of the sleep were what the going on? Because he knew that the road shouldn't make noise yet. Where are we? Oh, God damn it. Get out. I don't know where we are. It's not my fault. Oh, yeah, it's not your fault. I was asleep. You were driving. You're on the. Oh, yes, it is somewhat my fault from having nothing to do with this.

[Rich]

I don't know where we're at.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that makes two of us.

[Brady]

God damn it.

[John Holmberg]

I don't want to tell. I don't know where we are. In the middle of nowhere. We're gonna wait for the sun to come up and we just. And that was maps. Longer than maps.

[Brady]

Back in the day, we didn't have.

[John Holmberg]

A map because he knew where his parents lived. We didn't. You left a seven year old and a lady who'd never driven this road before in charge of the situation and two kids with shivs in the back seat. Now you're in trouble Anyway, road trips are out. Gabby. I hate to say it, in hindsight.

[Brady]

Should have seen a car.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Second, you bought that Ford Transit and didn't. Second, it's because you're an idiot. You're 22. You're an idiot. You're an idiot who thinks that's how things can work forever, and you're just dumb. So Brian and Gabby died because of the road trip, not because of anything else. I don't think he was a murderous lunatic, but they're gonna paint him that way. I think he's a dude who went on a road trip with a 22 year old for too long and inevitably someone had to die. That's my take. There's my review. Four out of five stars. Let's get a wake up song, shall we? 602-585-9800. A good one. We'll scream it together. It's 98 KUPD, Wagah, Arizona's most powerful.

[Rich]

Powerful rock radio station.

[Dick Toledo]

You thought that was funny?

[John Holmberg]

You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? PT thanks, Miles to nowhere. Well done. Everybody's emailing me their horror stories about murdering their spouses, and man, there's a lot of them. If I did it, if I did it. It's the old Aries Spears joke. I don't condone what OJ did, but I understand. It said, dude, my chick was home so much, I used to fake to go to work on my days off just to avoid too much time in one space with her. I'd go to my brothers and hang out. Can't be with somebody all the damn time. My grandparents, says John. My grandparents travel the U.S. during the summer. They've been doing it for about 10 years. And each time they return, I kind of expect my grandma to be alone. It hasn't happened yet. She was a judge, though, so I bet she knows how to get away with it. My grandparents used to make. Grandpa was afraid to fly, so they would. They made a.

[Rich]

He.

[John Holmberg]

They were kind of the original Brian and Gabby. He made a bed, two cots in the back of an old Ford pickup. And they'd put a. A fireball basically in the back of that thing. One of those old school propane heaters they would do and just crack the window.

[Brett]

So.

[John Holmberg]

Should have killed them. They should have been dead 100 times over. And they'd show up.

[Brett]

But the Coleman heater.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it was. And it was that weird one with just that. So my. My grandfather hated two things flying that was right out and protective grates. The dude was against them fans. The first thing he did when he'd get a fan is take that front grate off, blade exposed. And it was just airline props spinning at a million miles an hour. And he could. He was mechanical. So you make the fan go faster in the window next to the kitchen table, a foot and a half away from a child's face. Did the same thing with that fire grate. He thought the grates, like getting a couple extra degrees out of this. Pulled the grate off. We go in that back of that truck. I'm like, that's just hot coils up against blankets.

[Brett]

Don't touch them.

[John Holmberg]

They made it. I don't know how that should have been. Had they. Had they had. They were only on the road for like four or five days and then they would stay at our house. So had they had to do that for another 10 days, surely would have been. Shirley would have been in the fetal position in the woods somewhere.

[Brett]

Yeah, my parents either had it figured out somehow or they, you know, they did a lot of.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but they never did more than like two or three days without stopping at a hotel. They weren't sleeping in a car together. You can't equate your parents to any of this. Your parents spent money and, and, and by the way, your dad could pull over anywhere, any place and stay at someone's house. You guys were not against that. You love staying at other people's homes. But whenever you had to get out, your dad would be like, well, you know what, buns this. I'm pulling over and we're sleeping at the lunch lady's house. I know where she lives. And he would go to the lunch lady's house and they'd stay the night. And for some reason.

[Brett]

Where are we? Dallas. Jerry Driscoll lives here.

[John Holmberg]

Could you imagine that if this was 40 years ago and we lived here and we had known Torp and Bunny, There could have been a good chance that just somewhere out of the blue. Hey, hey. We're on a road trip. Just thought we'd. Why you got a suitcase? Oh, that would just stay with you for a few days. And they would just knock on doors and stay with people unannounced.

[Brady]

That would be me.

[Brett]

They never, they would never went unannounced.

[John Holmberg]

Your dad told me that he would go to a place and if I just needed to pull over and stay at this guy's house, I could. I forget what he was talking about.

[Brett]

It wouldn't be unannounced.

[John Holmberg]

That's on.

[Brett]

And now, hey, Jerry, I'm coming into town.

[John Holmberg]

That's right, that's on. And why don't you stay?

[Brett]

And they'd have to say, well, why don't you just.

[John Holmberg]

He told me he was on a trip and like, where did you stay? Just in the car. No, I knew a couple guys along the way. If I needed to stay, I just pull over and stay there. That is unannounced. If you're not planning on doing it, it's a. Maybe it's might show up, might not, but you're always on. That would. I would have killed your dad in the middle of the. Are you kidding me? Is torque Bogan on our porch? Hey, hey, remember that time you said I could stay here? It was like four years ago and I didn't mean it. Here we are. Get a hotel room, you cheap son of a bitch. This one says I'm super lucky my sister married a guy I get along with. Well, I genuinely like him and he's fun to hang out with and I have a great relationship with my sister. However, I know my sister. If I found out that my brother in law killed her on a 20 plus day road trip, I'd hear him out. Oh yeah, I'm shocked my sister's alive. Yeah, so John, you got to give her a break. She died doing what she loved. Becoming a famous YouTube blogger with millions of views. That's how the whole thing ends. And it's kind of a weird. A weird little aside at the end where they say she got 7 million views. It's like, is that the goal here? Is that what you're. You're happy about that?

[Brett]

The happy ending?

[John Holmberg]

This one's waiting till you hear this. John. You want a gem? I was dating a girl from 2022 to 2024. She was normal for about the first year, maybe 18 months. Very cute. Her name used to be Veronica. While we were dating, she started thinking she wanted to be an Internet famous person, so she focused solely on that. She changed her name and started posting any and everything she did. Sexy pics. She put up videos of her doing things. Even grocery shopping. She'd set up a GoPro in the cart and talk to it. I didn't get it. I'm 47. She was 24 at the time. She had a body like a porn star. So I said, you know, that's where you're gonna get clicks. So she did some solid naked stuff. I enjoyed that. But the clicks were not coming. So she suggested. I didn't get it until I read it there. Brett's laugh made me hear it too. She suggested an idea that I thought was insane. We faked her kidnapping. I told her no. She said, pretty white women get attention. I made her watch the movie Gone Girl, thinking this is what's gonna happen. It made her more desirous to fake her own kidnapping. I told her, you know what? This is a terrible plan. And I started kind of working my way out. But sex with an earth angel in her early 20s when you're 45 keeps you around longer than you think it would. But I was definitely in crazy town. Finally, I broke it off with her, and a couple weeks ago, I did a little stalking on her page. She had a guy post on her page saying he hasn't heard from her in days and was worried something bad has happened. All the comments were, what's going on? Call the police. All this attention. I immediately text her, her mother, and her father and said, I know what she's doing, and if she doesn't stop, I'll go public with this and call the police. Her mom text back and said, harmless fun, Brian. Pull the stick out of your ass. So I put my story on her page and said she tried this with me, called the cops on myself here in Tyler, Texas, and went over to her house, told them what was going on. They did a visit later, and suddenly all of her social media pages are down, and she texts me saying, thanks a lot. Asshole. Needless to say, I'll be hiring prostitutes until the Japs master. AI Sex Dolls. Caution to you all still listening to the show from Texas Bryant. How about that? She wanted to fake her own kidnapping for clicks. Nice toss.

[Brett]

This would be crazy.

[John Holmberg]

I think anybody that wants clicks first, look how many clicks I got. Look how many people are following me. You need to run away from that one. Congrats, bananas.

[Brett]

Building a brand, man.

[John Holmberg]

And it's weird because, like, it kind of reminds me of the days when they were like a thousand local bands before the Internet and all that, and they were out there just trying. And a few of them needed to be told, go get a job. You know, you need to go get a job or at least have a job and do this for fun, because this ain't gonna work. But they had the dream of being famous, and it works out for, like, less than 1% of them, and yet they put all their eggs in that basket. Now, I can't imagine the numbers of how few people make money on the Internet, but because it seems like there's hundreds of thousands of people just easily making tons of cash. Look at all the pod. Everybody's got a podcast. Like, 10 of them are good that can make money that are, you know, And I'm not saying good in quality. I'm saying good in, like, finances.

[Brett]

1%.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, maybe I'd say 1%. Shooting high. There's so many blogs and podcasts and things and nobody making any. Only fans. It's. It's less than 1% of the broad splash in their honeyhole they're making a living off of. You got to do something crazy or just be astronomically hot. And even then, that doesn't pay off because you got to put your incredibly hot self in positions to, you know, to make the money. Dudes don't have that option. Girls have that. That's the thing that only you have. If you look great and you want to make money and you prostitute yourself on the Internet, tip of the cat.

[Brady]

God bless you.

[John Holmberg]

God, we don't have that. There's no dude out there going, you know, I think if I just shove my dick more on only fans. And you know how guys do have it if they want to attract gay porn, because chicks don't like staring at dudes, wangs, and masks like a few of them do, but they're not going to. Nobody's ever going to be Internet millionaire, man. You know, wanking off all the time. It's not. This is not a thing. You introduce me to one dude who just beats off on the Internet and has a place in Paris Valley with a negative edge pool. And you can call me a crazy person, but I don't think he exists. How'd you make all your money, Mark? Oh, I. I beat off pretty heavily. A lot. And I put it on the Internet.

[Brett]

I don't even do that. I just wrestle.

[John Holmberg]

Well, if you're. Yeah, well, that's gay porn. I'm saying girls can roll around naked by themselves and there's a possibility that it's going to take up. I mean, heck, how many girls we looked at on Instagram. They're just pictures of themselves by the pool.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Like they can make money doing that dude standing by the pool. It's like, all right. And the gay guys are like, if you don't stick that in another dude soon, I'm clicking out. We looked at Hildy. We look at like, how many girls? Cliff Kingsbury's girlfriend.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah, Veronica.

[John Holmberg]

Veronica. Wait, that girl's name was Veronica? But yeah. Did she fake her kidnapping? What's going on with her? But even mention her? I can see your fingers going to the keyboard. You're like, I wonder what she's posted lately. The Kardashians. There's no now the AI wants. But there's no dude that can just jump online and be hot and make millions. He has to have something else going on.

[Brett]

You have to have millions.

[Rich]

What did he do?

[John Holmberg]

But it wasn't because of him. He would. He could have posted himself by himself a million times. He would have had no attention. I met a guy in Vegas once who sold milk. Like that was his job. Like he was a milkman. Door to door milkman in New Jersey or something. But he was just absolutely shredded, like a little action hero. And I remember he had come up to my casino hostess and we're drinking and he goes, how you doing, Erica? And I'm like, that's a handsome son of a. Right there. The milkman. Something like that. I'm like, oh, yeah. And he goes, blue, check certified. And people gave him a high five. And I'm like, what's that? Like, he had enough followers and had become just famous enough for dropping milk on people's doorsteps. But he was doing something no one else on the planet was doing anymore. He's delivering delicious milk from his dad's milk dairy thing. He had nothing to do with anything. He was just. He wasn't whipping his dinger out yet. He had like hundreds of thousands of people that were watching him deliver milk and then that goes away pretty soon. And most of them were gay. It's eventual that you're going to have to be gay. I just got this email from a guy that says, I started listening to your sleep schedule, John, how you've been doing this thing where you say you sleep only when your body says to sleep and you're not waking up with alarm clocks. I'm telling you there's been a couple this week because I've been off schedule. So I have the alarm and it has woke me, but it's still on my time. Said I tried it too and I've just been sleeping when my body wants to. I sleep for a few hours, I get up, get my work done. I wake up when my body says it's time to get up. And I completely back you from this because I've started to have better mental capacity because I can tell I'm more aware as soon as I wake up. My wife even said this is a cognitive renaissance. And she said she's glad that I'm able to get rest. And I'm more in the moment now. Thanks for all the laughs. Keep up the good work. Life changing. That's from Gene. You're right, Gene. It's an amazing thing to just not have alarms wake you. Alarms are the devil.

[Rich]

Morning sickness, the 98 KUPD, Holmberg's morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

And if you go to bed because you have to, you're not getting quality sleep. You're forcing yourself to sleep. This has been amazing. Went to bed about, I don't know, I fell asleep for a couple hours. You just have to not care that sometimes you're gonna go to sleep in the middle of something. Not like narcolepsy but like you'll be on the couch at 7 and you'll sleep until like 10 or 11, then you're up again, it's great. And you watch some tv, it doze off, you come back. I have not had alarms consistently waking me all through 2025 and I am thousand times better than I was forcing myself to go to bed. It's outstanding. So highly recommend you give it a try. If you're one of those people like me who's like, I have to go to bed and you're wide awake at 10, 11 o'clock and I've got to go to bed. Don't why stay up, Work your way through it. Have alarms just in case. They're a backup plan in case you go over over time. It's great. I also had a brand new fear unlocked yesterday. I'm not going to name names, but a, a good friend of mine, I know it's not my friend Mark, it was MIA for a little bit, you know, kind of just wasn't around, couldn't figure out what was going on. And he had a procedure done. So I said, what was the procedure? He said, I just had to kind of rest it out. I'm like serious. And he goes, well, you know, seems serious. And then he went on to describe what in my hands. Look at me, I'm already, I'm already clenching up on the microphone. I'm getting nervous. He went on to explain. Now I've heard this word, this phrase before and I've never really put any time into it and I highly recommend you don't, but I'm going to unlock a fear anal fistula. Now, I've never really known what that was. I always laughed at the word fist and anus together. No matter what you had in there. It just makes me giggle because I picture something that Brett would show me, but it is not. It's almost like your body bores a hole in your hole and makes a secondary tunnel.

[Brady]

Tell me now.

[John Holmberg]

Right. It's an abnormal passageway that develops inside your anus to the outside of Uranus. So it's basically like dig dug of pus and infection that shows up out of nowhere and says, we could use the actual built exit, but why not? Built an off ramp here next to it. And it builds a secondary B hole in your B hole. So it kind of.

[Brett]

It's like the Valley of Kings. There's little tunnels that shoot off.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's like a tunnel that decides. It's like when termites start to kind of. I'm going over here for a little bit. And it's like it develops in the upper part of your anus. Your anal glands are. And when the glands are infected, a little drainage from the infection burns and burrows a hole like next to your B hole. Here's the thing. I'm like, so how come you're still alive? Why didn't you die from that? Because he goes, well, it started to hurt. And it says it's very common, twice as common in males. About half people who get an infected anal gland will develop a fistula. That's huge. And I don't even know how you avoid infected anal glands. Infected anal gland is an abscess, a pocket of pus that needs to drain. And there's really no way around it. So if you have anal pain, inflammation, or rectal bleeding, normally you think that's just a hemorrhoid. Nothing's really that bad. And then it starts to sting and everything else. And there's blood. And so he did something that. And I know for a fact I die from this. Nobody's going to know I have it. I'd be standing there. I'd be sleeping like a vampire. Just stand and lean on the walls. Like, I'd never sit down again because nobody's going to see that. But he said he got a mirror out and he took a look at it and he saw a very obvious second hole. Right? And he's like, oh, that can't be right from the outside.

[Brett]

I mean, like, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it goes all the way to the edge. Wow. And so he's like, that can't be good. So at that point, for me, I'm like, well, I die from that second hole. And it never gets mentioned again. And occasionally I make a face when I sit down like, what's wrong, John? Nothing. I have. I got stung by a bee. That's it. That's all you'd know. He called his wife in to take a look.

[Brady]

Marriage only goes so far.

[John Holmberg]

Love is not that deep for anybody to come in and say, hey, something's. The phrase quotes. Something's wrong with my butthole. Take a look. Is the end of all relationships. I'll tell you, something's wrong with my butthole. Said out loud. Yeah, right. No, she says it to me. I don't know that I even talked to her at the divorce proceedings. I think the last words we've spoken have been spoken. I think my butthole's broken. Bye. That's the only thing. Okay, well, that seems like a.

[Brady]

Unless she's starring in one of my videos. And I get. You know that I get it, you know?

[John Holmberg]

Right. But I don't love him enough to take a look at my butthole and tell me what's wrong. No. The answer is no. It says online. It says an anal fistula looks like a hole in your skin near your anus. The hole is actually the outermost portion of the tunnel. I don't like that word. Near my butt. Which connects the abscess inside. It oozes and drains and it poops. And this person I'm talking about said that it was like a zit. Like he could feel. Like it could pop and drain and then come back.

[Brett]

It fills up and then you drain on its own.

[John Holmberg]

Well, because the anal gland is infected. So he goes to the doctor. Doc's like, let's take a look. Rolls him over on his side and goes. Doesn't even touch him. Fistula sees it immediately. Like, fires off the word. He's like, what does that mean? Like, is there some sort of antibiotic? Nope. I'm going in. And he's got to knock him out and carve up his butt and get it. You got to. There's no other way to get it.

[Brett]

Right on the spot.

[John Holmberg]

Surgery. I don't know if he did it that day, but, I mean, I don't know if that's the concern. He puts you out and he goes in and he carves it out of there. Surgery is the only option. Horrifying that your body would betray you this way.

[Brett]

It could happen again for him.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, it can happen to you. It can happen to anybody, over and over and over. It's just. It says, what causes the fibula? A fistula. Fistula. A perianal abscess. It forms over an infected anal gland. But they never tell you how they could get an infected anal gland. Your gland just decides to be infected. Anal Fistula. New fear unlocked. And I don't want to play this video game anymore. Is there anyone, Brett, in your life when you feel like, hey, there's a second hole back here. Somebody needs to take a look at this. Is there anyone in your life that you'd be like, hey, feel comfortable with saying, come here? What do you think?

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Me neither.

[Brady]

No, that's just.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Here's a pillow. Put it over my face right now. Kill me now. I'm done.

[John Holmberg]

I don't think I'd give her the pillow.

[Brett]

I'm not asking them to look. I don't think.

[Brady]

Hell no.

[Brett]

I'm not letting anybody ask me to look at your.

[John Holmberg]

At her butthole for problems.

[Brett]

Something's not right. She, you know, like I. You'd go a doctor. Go to go see a doctor first. If you think. But if she's really worried or something where she.

[John Holmberg]

You would look at her. What in the world? I don't know if he's better. If he's dumber, I'm dumber. You have no use for that back there. It's just. It's a utilitarian area, like her finger. Because if you have any sort of. There's no the desire for any love making. At least doggy style is right out the window the second I've looked at it at its worst. No. Yeah, well, no, you can't. If she says, and what's she turning to you for? That's the other thing.

[Brett]

That's what I'm saying it wouldn't happen.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. If it did, though, you should say why. I need you to see if it's as bad as I think.

[Brett]

No one will look at it.

[John Holmberg]

That's the same thing as when. Yeah, that's the same thing as when somebody eats. Something goes, oh, this smells like. Here. You taste it. When people taste something awful and try to get you to. It's the same thing as like, my butthole's broken.

[Brett]

No need, Brett.

[John Holmberg]

Look at it like, why are you turning to me? You. You know your butthole better than I.

[Brady]

Go down the hall.

[John Holmberg]

Tell me if you see anything. No, I'm not looking at that.

[Brady]

So there's two. So there's two holes or what? I'm trying to figure this out.

[John Holmberg]

A second tunnel develops like a fork in the road.

[Brady]

Adventure.

[John Holmberg]

You don't want to go up one of them. Okay. I mean, one's already pretty dirty. Imagine the anus being the yellow brick road compared to the horrible forest that you'd go down.

[Brady]

It's like going down 27th Avenue.

[John Holmberg]

I do like your very male brain going, hey, it's a new pleasure center.

[Brady]

Good fork in the road.

[John Holmberg]

Anyway, so it scared me to death, and I took a look at mine yesterday. We're a. Okay. Everything's good, though. I don't have anything. I looked at it. It ain't pretty. No one should be looking. Or you just want to check? Oh, Jesus. I just heard this story. Yeah, I'm going to get ahead of the game here. Nothing hurts right now, but if I start to even see a pinhole beginning, I'm going to kill myself that afternoon, horrified. No one you know. And I have half a mind to call this guy's wife and just say, hey, when you leave him for asking you to look at his broken butthole. Because that is necessary at this point. He doesn't love you or he wouldn't ask you to do that. Nobody who loves you says, look at my broken butthole. Nobody. Nobody who loves you says that. You say that to people you hate. Hey, my asshole is disgusting. And here, take a look, like, you show that to people you don't like. But I have been. And he even said it when we were talking. He goes, if I tell you about it, you're going to be paranoid about it. I'll be all right. And now I've been on the Internet ever since. I'm a mess. I am a mess.

[Brady]

Been on WebMD.

[John Holmberg]

I have gone to clevelandclinic.org, quite a bit. That seems to be a good resource for me. And then WebMD makes you put in symptoms. And right now I'm feeling pretty great. So I didn't, I didn't go down that. Pardon? I didn't go down that hole. But this says our fistula is life threatening. It says rarely. I'm like 100% end of my life. It is life. It is not only life threatening, it is terminal. A fistula for me sounds awful.

[Brett]

I go to the pre aggressive fistula.

[John Holmberg]

It's a tough name too. Yeah, sounds like it sounds like it should kill you. But I, yeah, I have. I've made it very clear that my anus, if it decides to kill me, will win that fight and I will fight no more forever. I am the chief Joseph of the Nez Perce of asshole injuries or ailments. I'll just sit. I don't think we can call it this anymore. I'll sit Indian style and I'll just wait for it to kill me. Like Gandhi just sitting in that room, just waiting, like, is he gonna do anything about this? No. Well, you know, we could fix it. I'm like, no, I don't wanna put anybody through it. Yep. I think that's the most horrifying thing. Abscess. I had an abscess in my mouth once from a broken root of my teeth from boxing and it abscessed in like an hour. It was the most painful thing I've. I can't imagine that being back door.

[Brett]

Million bucks to be the anal fistula spokesper.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I do that. But I have to have one.

[Brett]

Yeah, you have to have one.

[John Holmberg]

I would be on a deathbed.

[Brett]

We would like to use.

[John Holmberg]

Remember when John Houston used to do the commercials for copd? I'm John Houston. That would be me. Hi, I'm John Holmberg. I have an anal fister that's going to kill me. You guys should look into it if you're into it. If not, there's no shame. Exactly. And then I started thinking of my neighbors Michael and Troy. I'm like, all the things that gay guys do to their butts. And I've never heard them complain about.

[Brady]

Like, I mean, so this wasn't them.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Brady]

Oh, this is what I'm going.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Brady]

No, no, no, no.

[John Holmberg]

And the reason why is because it would embarrass this person because they shouldn't be here anymore. Horrified. I've been horrified of it ever since driving home. I'm like. And now every time I sit out.

[Rich]

Like, is that it?

[John Holmberg]

Like, if you even sit funny but, yeah, I will. I will gladly tip my cap to the powers that be in the environment and everything else, saying, you win this time, friend. And then I would start plotting my end. A couple of. Couple of, you know, housekeeping things to get buttoned up, make sure everything's in order, clear the history of my phone, and then just lay there and wait for this thing to kill me. There's got to be a better way to fix that. And one of the most common searches on anal fistulas is do they just go away on their own? Because that's what everybody's like, please don't. I don't want to show anybody this. But, yeah, when it drains, it makes its own little tunnel in your butt and bores itself out. That's not. Not a way to live.

[Brett]

It's an easy fix. It sounds.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's not, is it? Nothing easy about, here's my butthole. Go get them. There's nothing about that that's easy. It's used for two things. Evacuating human waste and a little bit of pleasure occasionally, you know, a couple knuckles, maybe some pressure. That's about. Is not medically ever going to be looked into in my life. I just don't want that. I don't want that to be what causes them. Yeah, abscess or an infection, but in the anal gland. But you can't really control that. That just happens. So it's not like, you know, there's no.

[Brett]

I just have.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, yeah.

[Brett]

It's not from any kind of bad habits or anything like that.

[John Holmberg]

Not probably. I don't know what kind of bad habits you can have back there that caused that, but, you know, maybe there's some dietary things. I don't know what's going on back there, but that's not a thing. If my anus. My anus is the. He's in charge of the situation. If he wants to win, he can win anytime he wants. Basically. He at any time could go, I'm taking over. I'm like, all right, anus has the comm. I just step away, and you're in charge. You want to go to the doctor and have this thing looked at. I'm like, I would go and have it looked at, but if it's not a clean bill of health, that's the last time I'm going. Because the last thing I need to do is have multiple visits scheduled for butthole exams. That's not the way to live a life. Time to check out like the old pioneers used to do. Asshole hurts Todd I want you to marry my wife and raise my children. I'm gonna wander off into the woods and disappear.

[Brady]

So it's like Crimson Tight.

[John Holmberg]

EXO has the con. Exo has the con. Butthole has spoken. Butthole has the calm. Thank you very much. EXO has the comp. We've decided to kill him from within. And he took one visit, got the diagnosis, and then he's done. He's kung fu now. He's gonna walk around the earth empty.

[Brett]

Tubes one and two.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't like at all how doctors don't like. You are going, like, every couple days now for this. Like, you had to go, like, four times. Yeah. Yes. I'm not doing that for my butthole. I need you to come back tomorrow. Well, I'm here now. Can you fix it in the next hour? Well, no, I gotta make an appointment. Then you gotta see a specialist, and then we gotta make sure that. Oh, no, I'm gonna die from this. But you could live a healthy life. No, clearly, I can't. My butthole's fighting back and it's gonna win.

[Brady]

Look, here's my deductible. Just take care of it now. I don't got time for this.

[John Holmberg]

I've nicknamed my butthole Mortality. That's his name because he represents if I live or die on a regular basis. Things start going wrong back there. I don't want that. I had a friend years ago whose wife had to start pooping in a side bag. And it's like. If you'd never gone to the doctor, would you have known about this? Like, no. Do you feel different than you did before the side bag? No. Shouldn't have gone.

[Brett]

Got a friend that just shouldn't have gone.

[John Holmberg]

Yesterday, got surgery to get side back.

[Brett]

Avoided the sidebar. Wow. It was looking like they had to do it.

[John Holmberg]

And there'll be 30 more visits. Prediction. Side bag within by Christmas.

[Brady]

Miguel says you guys sound old. I'd eat both holes.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man, you can eat your own bowl. Not talking about somebody else. I wouldn't. I just don't want them asking me to look at the. If something's wrong with your B hole, that's your thing. Don't drag me into it.

[Brett]

I'd dive in there, bro.

[John Holmberg]

Chow down, man. It's like one of those plates with a divider on it. You got your corn sides. You get like. You know what two leaders eat? The Salisbury steak. TV dinner. Right? This is like a TV dinner.

[Brady]

Now the brownie right in the middle.

[John Holmberg]

There's that weird kind of tapioca pudding coming out of that one side.

[Brett]

Throw some foil on it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Heat it up.

[John Holmberg]

No. Anyway, so, yeah, I've been off it, and it's been weeks since the incident and still, like, you know, has to sit on pillows and it's tender. It would have killed me. Would have been the end of me. I'd go to the doctor and be like, hey, something's wrong back there. You want me to take a look at it? No, I want you to load me up full like. Like, you know Michael Jackson's doctor? I do that.

[Brett]

Can't believe he told you.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I just asked.

[Brett]

No, I'm saying, even if someone asked, I had a procedure done.

[John Holmberg]

I was like, what happened? And then the guy with us was like, tell him. And I'm like, oh, it was a funny procedure. So I just assumed, like, hemorrhoids or something because he had to sit on these pillows. That's the worst. Yeah, Yeah. I had a friend when he was 22. He's still alive today and shouldn't be, but he had goddamn vineyard coming out of his butt when he was, like, 22. He had a grapevine just piled out, piles. Gotta go get some surge. You're gonna miss the next couple weeks of basketball. Like, what's going on? Piles. I'm like, I don't know what that is. Well, that's another word for hemorrhoids. I'm like, wow. But when they get as big as mine are. Enough talking. When they get as big as mine are, get in the box. Yeah, I'm not doing any of that. Not a gateway. I'm like one of those ladies from the 70s. Like, that is an exit only. Maybe a little pressure. Pleasure point. But we're not going crazy. I'll wash it. I keep it clean. I keep that thing spotless because I want to please it at all times. That is my golden calf. So anal fistulas, if you've had one, congratulations. There's a strong group of people out there that probably no longer with us because they. They found that second hole, her. I'd be rubbing salve on it. I'd be doing all sorts of home remedies. The Internet would teach me how to fix it until it killed me. And I would start taking. Like, I'd steal painkillers and rub it all over there. What's that? Like, Icy Hot all over peroxide on it.

[Brady]

Hopefully it kills whatever.

[Rich]

I would just.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, put the bottle of peroxide right in there and tilt it back like we were in a chugging contest. That Would be kind of neat, too, to watch all that foam come out of. Like a mad dog. Anyway, new fear unlocked.

[Brett]

Brady's probably gonna go mento in there.

[John Holmberg]

I don't think that's gonna help the infection. I'm not listening to Dr. Dumbass over here.

[Brett]

Mento and some coke.

[John Holmberg]

No, I'll go with the peroxide because that's actual medical stuff. Yeah, you want to put sugar and a beverage in your ass, you go crazy. Can't imagine why your infection's not getting better. Meanwhile, Brett and I are pouring peroxide because peroxide cures things.

[Brady]

That's right.

[John Holmberg]

That's old school mom right there. What'd you do? I don't know. It just pours peroxide all over. What, the burn or the cut?

[Brady]

Sizzles like melting.

[John Holmberg]

It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. Well, that means it's working. Never had a bad experience with peroxide, except for the one time that I had a cold sore in my mouth, and I had been misguided to believe that gargling peroxide would fix that. Well, you're supposed to cut it. I didn't know that. So I just walked right out of the bottle. Woke up the next morning with about 55 sores in my mouth. It's just horrible bloody mess. But, hey, look, I'm still here. I didn't go to the doctor for that either, because then I have to tell the doctor how dumb I was, and he'd look at me and go, you don't need to be on this planet. What did you do with peroxide? Oh, I gargled it straight up. Yeah, I didn't know. You're an idiot. Then I should wander off into traffic, but that's how it works. Brett, what do you got on the big board of musical treats that is just one hole.

[Brady]

Yes. Wake up, Todd.

[Rich]

Wake up.

[Brady]

Song time is, of course, is brought to you by Action Ride Shop. Big ding going on on Saturday. It is the Action Ride Shop grand opening part two over there on Power Road and McDowell. Josh and the boys taking care of everything out there. The pivot demo trucks can be out there with their new models. They're going to be giving away a bike, plus a bunch of other stuff going on. So head on out there. We'll be hanging out from 11 to one. And for all your skiing and snowboarding needs, head on over to location one on Gilbert Road in Southern. They got the full line to get you up on the mountain, so actionrideshop.com finds going on.

[John Holmberg]

My uncle is in town. I just found that out a couple days ago. And he's been going through a lot of medical stuff. And they had to bag him up on the side. It wasn't of his butthole, though. It was something going on internally. And he said, man, flying here, my side bag almost blew up on the plane from the pressure. It was horrifying.

[Rich]

Oh, man.

[John Holmberg]

I don't want that to be something I have to worry about. Dennis, drive out here next time. Starts swelling, you're like, oh, God, my full bag's gonna blow. Everybody get out.

[Brett]

She's gonna blow.

[John Holmberg]

Christ on a crutch. Ian is, oh, good, we got some information from them.

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Ian Schwartz from Channel 3 says, I had a perianal abscess when I worked in Albuquerque. I would ask how, but you don't wanna know. When I spread eagle, the doctor was about Lancet. He said, this is Chili's. This is the worst thing that can happen. Weatherman Ian Schwartz says, I spread eagle. And the doctor was about to lance it. He says, aren't you the weather guy? Just take this scalpel to my neck, dog. The worst feeling in the world. You get recognized with your ass in the air. Hey, I know you. You're the weatherman. Nice, asshole. Thanks. You've been using this a lot, Weatherman Schwartz. Yeah, it's got some miles on it. All right on the list, a lot.

[Brady]

Of the stuff for the road trip stuff. Love, hate, Sex, pain, Killing Time from Metallica. All love is lost from Body Count. Bled for days from Static X, Iron Fist, Motorhead. Wasted years for all the people that have kids out there letting them go on those trips. Kid Rock, American Badass for the Hockey Tonight center field from Fogarty. For spring training, let's do a little.

[John Holmberg]

Kid Rock because this holiday, holiday thing has Holiday road's not bad for the Gabby Petito number one. Boy, are we fascinated with death. OJ Simpson usurped as the number one show on Netflix by Gabby Petito. We love crime. American Badass is what we'll do because tonight's hockey game has everybody all interested. International hockey is. People love the sport. There's something wrong with the NHL because they need to figure out how to get this kind of passion for the regular season. Because man, oh man, is everybody talking about that crazy ass awesome game that's going to happen tonight between Canada and the US of A.

[Brady]

What's the fan duodes and fights this this game?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know if they have an over under, but there were three in the first nine seconds. And those Tachuk boys, they're going to want. And Canada is going to want some blood. This is.

[Brett]

This is it in Boston. Where is it?

[John Holmberg]

I think it's Boston or New York tonight. So we get an American version.

[Brett]

Yep.

[Brady]

So they're going to be booing the Canadian national.

[Rich]

We be.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, it's. Oh, it's eggin on and it's Boston. So it's.

[Brady]

What time does that start?

[John Holmberg]

A bunch of prick racists that'll be screaming out about Canadian. They'll have good shots. I don't know what time it starts. Probably seven, but that's going to be a solid one. So we'll do American badass and wave that flag a little bit and throw our MAGA hats on and just be overly American for the night against Canada, who we shouldn't really. This is kind of like kicking a special ed kid. But. But when it comes to hockey, it means something to whip their ass. So let's do it twice in a week and beat them up along the way.

[Rich]

Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.

[Dick Toledo]

You thought that was funny.

[John Holmberg]

You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? It's time now for Brady to give you all the news that only Brady knows. We call this the Brady Report. Brady reported.

[Brett]

Good Thursday morning to you, Phoenix.

[John Holmberg]

Hello, world. Hi.

[Brett]

Happy national Love your pet day.

[John Holmberg]

Every day is love my pet day.

[Brett]

Nope, Just this day. One day.

[John Holmberg]

All of them.

[Brett]

In a recent poll on pets, 44% of people say they consider themselves a dog person. 18% more of a cat person. 25 equally.

[John Holmberg]

The rest don't know.

[Brett]

14 neither. There's no one on the fence.

[John Holmberg]

Unlikable human being. I don't like dogs and I don't like cats. All right? That's not like kids. You know, you make yourself sound like a real. The reason to hate kids.

[Brett]

20 say their dog knows them better than their friends and family. 61% of cat owners say they believe their cats know them very well.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know about that. I mean, they recognize me really easily and I'm old. I'm the. There's like, they know like 12 human beings total. So I'm pretty sure eventually, eventually they're.

[Brett]

Going to get food from you.

[John Holmberg]

Right. If the. If they ask them, like, do you know your owner real well? Oh, top to bottom, they would think they knew everything about me. But they don't know, you know, they don't know my.

[Brett]

He's the founder of Cookie Window.

[John Holmberg]

He's the owner of Cookie Window. And then he opens these doors, and he puts up tree ball When I buy tree ball too long. That's the great guy. He's awesome. I see him every day. We do tree ball, and then I chase the ball, and he gives us other dogs and cookie window. And then sometimes he tugs his horn right in front of us. He does what? Yeah, he'll lay in bed and tug his horn in the middle of the afternoon with you in the room. Yeah, we just sleep through it now. He yells at us if we get too close. Are all the other dogs on board this? Oh, yeah.

[Brett]

Memory fails. Or it's just like kind of Ricky Anderson goes to the cookie window. Hey, I used to see a guy like you.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, there's times where I'm not sure they know that was me. I surprise them every once in a while, like, oh, you're here now. They. They know you. They. They know your habits. They know where you sit. Like, when I start walking towards the couch, all five of them go to my spot and, like, kind of sit there. Like, this is where he's gonna be, like, all right, all right, Everybody clear out. Piles of dogs on me all the time. Love it.

[Brett]

Couple of basis fun facts. Usain Bolt says He ate about 100 McDonald's McNuggets each day at the 2008 Beijing Olympics because they're a familiar food he knew his stomach could handle. He won three gold medals. Olympics.

[John Holmberg]

It's better than eating that commie Chinese food.

[Brady]

Goddamn right.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

This is one right up your alley. Judge Judy debuted closer to the moon landing than to today.

[John Holmberg]

Today.

[Brett]

It premiered in 1996, which was 27 years after the moon landing.

[John Holmberg]

She's 29 years removed now.

[Brett]

It's 28.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, she is. She's. Yeah. Good. Wow. And every day that it goes on, it's a little further away.

[Brett]

A Mulligan became the do over in golf because of a guy named David Mulligan in Montreal, Canada, in the 1920s. He was the first guy to hit the bad shot and said, I'm doing it.

[John Holmberg]

Doing it again. And he did it a lot, by the way. In order to get the nickname, he had to do it every time he hit a bad shot. All right, Mulligan, enough. Don't ever bet.

[Brett]

Mulligan.

[John Holmberg]

Not hitting another one, boys. Mulligan. Whatever you want to call it. And then the next guy came up and shanked one. Well, I'm doing a Mulligan then. And it stuck.

[Brett]

Someone pulled 2,000Americans. Ask him this question. How much money would it take for you to Quit your job, drop everything and travel the world.

[John Holmberg]

I just watched Gabby.

[Brady]

Not in the vans.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, we go. It's murder. Murder episode. How much money to travel the world? That sounds like a lot of work in itself.

[Brett]

So the 2,000Americans polled, the average answer was $288,000.

[John Holmberg]

You think you're gonna make it around the world on 288 grand?

[Brett]

80% said they'd take it off for less than 50,000. 32% said they'd need at least a half a million.

[John Holmberg]

Are they said the people saying, give me 50 grand and I can go. And then they have enough money to. Because that's. Yeah, you're doing some direct flying. Getting the hell out of there awful fast.

[Brett]

A lot of hostels.

[John Holmberg]

50,000 backpack, and it's like 12 grand to fly to Paris round trip.

[Brett]

You can buy a round trip ticket continuously around the world.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you can.

[Brett]

You can. I think they still sell that as long as you keep going. Who's that? The airlines will fly. Like, I mean, can I continue it?

[John Holmberg]

What do you mean?

[Brady]

I think they got rid. Was that the unlimited one? I think they got rid of that a couple years back because some dude, like, it was like $250,000, but it.

[John Holmberg]

Was like a lifetime to fly around.

[Brady]

Whenever that was a lifetime one.

[Brett]

But still it might be available around the world, but you have to. I think you keep going in the same direction, but you can do that no matter what.

[John Holmberg]

Same way.

[Brett]

I'm saying there's a deal.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but why would you do that? You stop and change planes in Germany, stop and change planes in China, stop. Change planes in Japan, stop and change planes in San Francisco. Like, why not just buy. Just stay in a place for a little bit.

[Brett]

Yeah, you can.

[John Holmberg]

Well, then you're not going around the world on one ticket.

[Dick Toledo]

It's called an RTW ticket.

[John Holmberg]

It doesn't make sense. You're stopping.

[Dick Toledo]

Says you can visit multiple destinations on one ticket. You usually need to book all stops and destination.

[John Holmberg]

So it's a booking fan. I was gonna say, like, you're just going around the world.

[Dick Toledo]

You need to fly in the same direction.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, right. That's helpful to go around the world.

[Brett]

You're not supposed to backtrack.

[John Holmberg]

Right. That's not going around the world.

[Dick Toledo]

That's quitting Price depends on the total distance travel and where you go.

[John Holmberg]

But isn't that just booking a trip?

[Dick Toledo]

It's like what we did in Thailand.

[Brady]

We.

[Dick Toledo]

We went to Tokyo then from Tokyo.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I'm saying, though. And then from there, if you wanted to fly to like, Australia, you could do it. Yep.

[Dick Toledo]

But I think the reason ticket we have, it's like.

[Brett]

And the reason packaged up, you get a better deal that way than buying individual.

[Dick Toledo]

Our flights in country were a lot cheaper than if we'd have booked them here.

[John Holmberg]

How much more flying with that son of yours before you kill him? Going around the world, flying. Where do you make it?

[Dick Toledo]

Flying's okay.

[John Holmberg]

You fly. You stay a week in the place.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, because we went to. We went to New York about a year or so ago together. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And. Well, he's still alive, but probably.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, he's all right.

[John Holmberg]

But I'm saying. Okay, so you fly to Japan, you get out, you spend a couple weeks.

[Dick Toledo]

We didn't have this baggage then, though.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And then. And then you fly to Bangladesh and then you scooch over to Europe. Somewhere around Europe, you kill him.

[Dick Toledo]

He's a better traveler than he is a tenant son.

[Brady]

He's got his ear pods in. He doesn't hear anything.

[John Holmberg]

You wouldn't kill him, but you'd misplace him him. He'd miss a flight and he'd be on his own.

[Dick Toledo]

I might lose him.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. Nobody wants to do that now. I just figured around the world, it's just like a travel agent will book your flights around the world.

[Brett]

The guy that was telling you, Jay and another buddy, they went and they did the around the world trip they were going to do it for and they separated about.

[John Holmberg]

You're not doing that.

[Brett]

Trying to go your own way.

[John Holmberg]

I hate you.

[Brett]

And they ended up in a hostel, not knowing it.

[John Holmberg]

Together.

[Brett]

Together at the same one.

[John Holmberg]

Like the Pina Colada song. It's like the Pina Colada song. Hostage. They tried to go, they just couldn't. And then do they keep traveling after that?

[Brett]

They did. They finished it out. But they had a three month break to go.

[John Holmberg]

90 days to not be around each other.

[Dick Toledo]

To go with your idea though. Hostels, I think, are just breeding grounds for murder. Oh, it's where they all happen.

[John Holmberg]

Why would you do that? You and 30 other poor people sharing a bathroom. You're just cheap is all. Yuck.

[Brett]

The site WalletHub accused Google of making their own search functions worse on purpose. They claim Google wants it to take longer for you to find stuff so you have to look at more ads.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

They say Google even did their own study in 2020 and found the worst research search results would be an increase of people be able to. We got them around longer.

[John Holmberg]

What do you mean? Like Bad search results.

[Brett]

So they make you go a little bit further to use the Google search engine. You have to see more ads in order to be more specific.

[Dick Toledo]

So One World Travel alliance offers a bunch of different options. They have the One World Explorer, which is a continent based fair. You can bounce around a continent.

[John Holmberg]

But that's what I mean. Like don't you just fly and land and then it's. You're on their schedule though?

[Brett]

No, you. It's continual. Ticket. You call and see. Can I get on this flight? You know, like you want to stay there for two, three weeks, but that's.

[John Holmberg]

Just having a travel agent.

[Dick Toledo]

You're basically your own travel agent.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

Because around the world ticket, you have to. It has to be completed within.

[John Holmberg]

I don't want to go around the world is what I'm saying. And sounds like a bad idea.

[Dick Toledo]

There's another one called Circle Pacific where it's an intercontinental journey to explore continents that border the Pacific Ocean.

[John Holmberg]

You can bounce around all the Ring of Fire.

[Dick Toledo]

You can bounce around all of them.

[John Holmberg]

No, they're around the world.

[Dick Toledo]

You have to cross both the Atlantic.

[John Holmberg]

And the Pacific, go to Disneyland. It's a Small World. It's the same exact thing.

[Dick Toledo]

No, they added the new song.

[John Holmberg]

They did? Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

You didn't hear that.

[John Holmberg]

It's a Small World isn't played it.

[Rich]

It's a Small World.

[Dick Toledo]

I think I was gonna add a verse. They added a verse to it.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, for dei.

[Dick Toledo]

I think so.

[John Holmberg]

They have like a transvestite place. Hey, it's a small. Not that small. I'm a size queen. Hi, kids.

[Brett]

Let's talk about Fish Skinned Ride. It goes by Provincetown.

[John Holmberg]

It's a rosebud after all. Mom, what's that? It's Tranny Island. They had to include it.

[Brady]

Tranny Island. It's like the Misfit Toys.

[John Holmberg]

The Misfit Toys. It's a King Moon Racer and Charlie in the Box. That's Charlie in the Box, but not the box you're thinking of.

[Dick Toledo]

So the new verse is. Mother Earth unites us in heart and mind and the love we give makes us humankind through our vast wondrous land when we stand hand in hand It's a small world after all.

[John Holmberg]

They sing that terrible. My favorite one is when you go by Africa and it starts clicking and banging there. There's no real language there. Like you're just making noises. It's very racist. It's a Small World, which is hilarious. You get to those Asians and they're all in coolie hats and Bowing to you the way it used to be.

[Brett]

Shoes.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

Well, the clogs there are good for the.

[John Holmberg]

They use them for all they have those platform. Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

What are those called?

[John Holmberg]

The Chinese guy shoes. Those aren't where you.

[Dick Toledo]

That's not where you bind their feet, is it?

[John Holmberg]

No, those are geishas. That's Japanese. That's it.

[Brett]

William Pate de Meyers led the Indianapolis police on an 18 minute high speed chase last weekend with speeds into the triple digits. They ended up on raceway road in the neighborhood of speedway. He eventually pulled over and stopped. Told the cops he was giving up because the officers chasing him were really good.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. They're trained for this hillbilly.

[Brett]

He wanted. Wanted to be. Put an end to it before anyone got hurt.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brett]

He said he took off because he had a habitual. Travis. He was a habitual traffic violator and that he always runs from the police and he's good at it.

[John Holmberg]

Not today. Can't win.

[Dick Toledo]

Not good enough.

[Brett]

He goes by record six and three though.

[Dick Toledo]

Six and three.

[John Holmberg]

Pretty good. That's pretty good.

[Brady]

Props to him.

[John Holmberg]

He's a. He's a number two in your starting five. That's pretty good. Six and three.

[Brett]

He was charged with resisting arrest and reckless driver.

[John Holmberg]

At the end of the year he's going to be probably about 18 and 8. That's pretty nice. Pretty nice Season.

[Dick Toledo]

Not how you start, it's how you finish.

[John Holmberg]

You're not in the Cy Young, but you're talked about is like high contract value.

[Dick Toledo]

Texter says. John, why the eff are we talking about traveling plans? What are we 72nd? Traveling to third world countries is banned. Why is this even being.

[John Holmberg]

That's true. We have talked about this. Toledo's no longer allowed to travel to third world countries anymore. Second world is your minimum now. Third world is absolutely. And we did the list. We found the map where the blue the blues were. Third world. And you'd visited two of them. Oh, for pleasure. Yeah. The whole thing was just dirt. You want to go see Asians in their natural environment? Head over to the math department at ASU and have at it. Have you and your boy get a cup of noodles and just sit and stare at it and save you. I just saved you thousands of dollars. And evidently Brady knows about a Korean hot dog store over there in Mesa. So we got you covered. Richard, don't go bringing back the new Wuhan to us.

[Dick Toledo]

Second world countries are considered the former communist states.

[John Holmberg]

You can go to those.

[Brett]

Davi Moreira's 14 year old kid lives in Brazil. He died in the hospital after his father believes was a caused.

[John Holmberg]

The kid did.

[Brett]

Or the kid died in the hospital, and the dad thinks because he was influenced by a YouTuber. Oh, one of these challenges kind of deal.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brett]

The kid ground up a butterfly, mixed it with water, and injected it into his arm. Idiots.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brett]

Conditions worse. And he finally went to the hospitals. Too late, boys. That was a monarch butterfly.

[John Holmberg]

But it isn't. Monarchs don't make monarchs. The bad guy. It doesn't really matter. All ground doesn't matter.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Flying chance. There's gonna be some talk and water shot into your bloodstream and some air possibly could blow up your heart. Because you know how they do that thing with needles where they pop that little air bubble out there, get the air bubble out. My guess is the monarch had nothing to do with this. It's sort of like. I would imagine if you put enough monarch guts in your gas tank, it might cause a problem. Monarch and water for sure, right? You don't want water.

[Brett]

Davi came into the hospital. He told the medics. He went to a chemist, mixed a.

[John Holmberg]

Butterfly and water, and the guy gave him a needle.

[Brett]

No, he. He got that on his own.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. That's bad parenting is what that is. Your kid's got access to intravenous needles, and he's grinding up monarchs. You're not paying any attention to that boy at all. Get on it.

[Brett]

Got a couple of radio videos.

[John Holmberg]

Stretch. Yeah.

[Brett]

First one is the people are dealing with the winter weather. It's another doorbell, a ring cam. The ring cam on the front patio, guys. Just leaving the house.

[John Holmberg]

All right, so it's bad weather. Leaving the house in bad weather.

[Brett]

So it's ice, but we don't really have to.

[John Holmberg]

And unfortunately, people will see that on TV this week. Start thinking about moving here.

[Dick Toledo]

Go ahead.

[John Holmberg]

Brett does. Brett. You can't get it.

[Dick Toledo]

It's not connecting.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, boy. All right, can he get Brady's? Yeah. I want to see this guy fall down.

[Brady]

We want to wait for Brady.

[Dick Toledo]

It's a good one. No, no, go ahead. I'm trying to.

[John Holmberg]

It's a good one. The weather is horrifying. They were showing clips of stuff over in Virginia, and It was like, 20 degrees, but it was blinding snow.

[Brady]

All right, we'll do this one for.

[John Holmberg]

We'll go with Brett's first and then see if Toledo can load up. There's a dude in an elephant. Oh, he's standing next.

[Brady]

We've seen this one.

[John Holmberg]

I don't remember this at all. Elephants going around the dude and standing in front of. Now they're face to face. And now he's trunk to elephant or elephant man to trunk. And. Oh, now he just decides to knock him down. Oh, right foot, right in the center. Left foot. He's gonna balance on this dude. Why didn't he even run?

[Brady]

He's doing the wobble now.

[Brett]

Watch him press this. This holds him.

[John Holmberg]

He's got his trunk around the guy's head. Oh, the full head stop is. Oh, he's stopping. Stampy's at it. Three, four. Now he's got his foot on his throat. Oh, every stomp is a little more elephanty than last. He is just clobbering this dude, and he didn't seem to even, like, eat him. He's eating him. I've never seen this elephant's got him.

[Brett]

In his mouth, flipping him around.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, and now finally someone shows up to probably that guy going, I mean, the elephant. Oh, I love it. That elephant's got a big saddle. I'm rooting for the elephant. The whole elephant's like, payback's a mother. Yeah, you know, I don't want to work here anymore. That's the elephant equivalent of like a workplace shooting. Like, he just got. He got tired of it. That dude stood there eyeballing him. He's like, you know what? I've had it with you and your stupid stick.

[Brett]

I'm with the other guy.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's gold. Oh, what's this? This is a guy's ass. He's shaking. He's bent over a table of some sort. Oh, she's a dominatrix, right?

[Brady]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And she is hitting him to where his ass cheek is actually bleeding. There's no sound on this.

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. She is taking full night stick swings at this guy's ass. I don't know what that thing is. It's like a wreath. Oh, my God. And it is. His ass is just.

[Dick Toledo]

It's like a horse crop.

[John Holmberg]

His. Yeah, he's in underwear, but it is covered in blood. And so is the. And she's got, like, a gym floor. So she's planned for this. There's a cage and there's a Back in the back, there's a heavy bag. So she can work out.

[Brett]

Man, his ass doesn't cause a fist.

[John Holmberg]

It's not his butthole, though. Like, she's tearing his cheeks off and she won't stop hitting.

[Brady]

But this is the. Before this round started.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, she's got.

[John Holmberg]

Pulls his pants down and his ass is. She's pouring salt on the. Oh, she's got anger issues. She's the least of my concerns in that room.

[Brett]

I mean, where do you get that table?

[John Holmberg]

Safe word. Yeah, she hasn't met her. Her limit yet. She hasn't found this guy's ceiling. Where do you buy the table for that?

[Dick Toledo]

Because that's Fascinations would have one of those.

[John Holmberg]

That's a specific ass whipping table. And then I'm gonna Google it has knee like braces and a place for your arms. I bet you Justin Tucker has one of those Espresso table for all the times he's gonna wreck your chair. All right, what else you got?

[Brady]

Fun with fireworks.

[Dick Toledo]

Well, John, it's called a heavy spanking bench, and it's 120 on Etsy.

[John Holmberg]

It's a real thing and it's only 120 bucks. Yeah. What's the max weight on that? Asking for a friend.

[Dick Toledo]

Well, there's a couple different models.

[Brett]

Well, that guy's.

[Dick Toledo]

You can go 580 and it looks. It looks medieval.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, 580 is the good one. Step it up.

[Dick Toledo]

580. 238 is a foldable one.

[John Holmberg]

And it's called a spanking chair.

[Dick Toledo]

It's called a spanking bench. Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. For the whole family.

[Dick Toledo]

I also have some woodworking plans if you'd like me to build one for you.

[John Holmberg]

And you're a woodworker yourself, Richard. So I will give you $250 to build a sturdy Brady sized spanking bench.

[Dick Toledo]

Done and done.

[John Holmberg]

The Richard, for when Brady gets that fistula or Ronnie does and asks him to look at it. Because he said he would. Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

A selection of binding belts that goes with $64.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's where they get you the accessories.

[Dick Toledo]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Get the spanking table all you want, but if you can't bind somebody to it, what's the point? It's a picnic table at that point.

[Brady]

All right. There's some fun with fireworks.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. All right. We're sitting outside here. A shed. The shed's a dead giveaway that this is poor people.

[Rich]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

And it hit him in the face. And he looks like a Kardashian. His lips. His lips are the only thing that took the shot.

[Dick Toledo]

And there's like one of Brady's racist paintings is what it looks like. That's what it looks like.

[John Holmberg]

It is Brady. If we'd have just shown him a still of that and put delicious peaches over the top, Brady would have hung that in his house years ago. That's a great ad. People are gonna want that.

[Brett]

What did you ever do with those jams? Sure am. Good.

[John Holmberg]

Do you still have that? Yeah. You do?

[Brett]

No, I don't have the paintings.

[John Holmberg]

Where are.

[Brett]

I have the original labels.

[John Holmberg]

Where are the paintings?

[Brett]

Threw them away. I think.

[John Holmberg]

You threw them away?

[Brett]

Yeah. Ronnie didn't want them.

[John Holmberg]

Of course not. No. No decent white person would.

[Dick Toledo]

The cans that she doesn't want.

[John Holmberg]

Well, she. It was a. She's a racist art for my cans. You make a choice here.

[Dick Toledo]

What is going on?

[John Holmberg]

Because that used to be the. The like the. The main focal point of your home.

[Brett]

Fruit labels.

[John Holmberg]

Every wall in your house had a horrible racist ad from the teens.

[Brett]

Not every wall.

[John Holmberg]

Pretty much.

[Brady]

Some of them were.

[Dick Toledo]

Were some of them at Porkopolis or is that just. Bathroom Was the Japanese hardest.

[John Holmberg]

He has friends, namely one named John. That would have been like, take that down. We're never mentioning your restaurant if you've got these on the wall.

[Dick Toledo]

I forgot it was just the Japanese.

[John Holmberg]

Asian. Japanese fart people.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It was still a little racist, but at least the farts made.

[Brett]

I still have that one.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's, you know, that's a thousand years old.

[Dick Toledo]

You saw those?

[John Holmberg]

No, it's not the artist. No. The art may be, but those weren't. And a thousand years ago they didn't have like. It's racist is what I'm saying.

[Dick Toledo]

They weren't woke then.

[John Holmberg]

It's from a thousand years ago. Then it's racist. Whatever it is, whatever you're talking about.

[Brady]

From Tom and Jerry back, basically.

[John Holmberg]

Let's just go there. When the Tom and Jerry era ended. Everything before that was racist. If you. If you're hanging it on your wall, it's racist.

[Brett]

Thomas.

[John Holmberg]

It's a bunch of Asian ladies fartin'how. Do you know they're Asian? Coolie hats, bound feet. What the word Orientals on it five times. It's classic. I remember first time I went to your house and saw those. Horrible, horrible racist.

[Brett]

One was a white guy with a leather helmet. Football helmet. And he's got a yam. He's holding the yams like a football.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Then you got the Indians with the orange. Orange. Native American. There's a grove in Mesa.

[John Holmberg]

Doesn't make it right.

[Brett]

Kind of cool, the labels.

[John Holmberg]

You knew what you were doing hanging.

[Dick Toledo]

Those and saying it's kind of cool. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Country club racist thing to say. It's pretty neat to have these savages on my walls, I think. Cuz they're never getting in my house. Who's it gonna offend? Nobody of color's ever been in here.

[Brady]

Let alone in Gilbert.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. You could have them everywhere in your house now. But there was a couple in there, though. And then you had the kingfish yams. Yeah, that was rough. That was a big one, too. That was some serious race to start in your house for laughs.

[Brett]

Champs was the football player.

[John Holmberg]

Champs. An awful lot of stuff. That's what I'm saying.

[Dick Toledo]

He had so many to choose from.

[John Holmberg]

Walk in and the first thing you see is just a huge set of lips. And I think it said, how do you do?

[Rich]

On it?

[John Holmberg]

Or something. Something horrible. It said something terrible.

[Brady]

He's a rolling stone. Come on.

[John Holmberg]

These are great. Yeah, yeah. Mick Jagger after he was at Turks and Caicos for a week. And Brady. It was big. Huge Brady. That's probably racist. What are you talking about?

[Brett]

History.

[John Holmberg]

It's not. Yeah, okay, well, then just have a slave house, because that's history, too. But you wouldn't do that. Yeah. No one. Your mouth was trying to form a word. Yeah. You were thinking about it. You want to defend it, but there's no defense of it. Was it funny? Yeah, because it was wildly unexpected, but. All right. What? All right.

[Brett]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

There. No, you're just. There's the last one.

[Brady]

I was waiting. This is how your people are celebrating Hanukkah?

[John Holmberg]

Is this the. Oh, this is a Jewish well. Look right there, man. It's very hairy bottom and an incredibly hairy vagina. Oh, God. She has stomach hair from her belly button down to whatever that is. She hasn't shaved once in her whole life. Oh, it looks like somebody stomped out Oreos all over her middle. Oh. Oh, there's another lady involved. And now she's licking all the hair. Oh, my God. This is so.

[Brett]

I know why.

[Rich]

Oh, God.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's like licking the. Oh, it's like licking one of Brady's posters. All right, stop. Yeah, there's another lady performing oral in the massive amount of hair.

[Rich]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

That is 4K. Yeah, there you go. Clean HD on that.

[Brett]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

Only the best technology when you haven't shaved your entire life. Wow. All right, there's the spanking bench. All right, get to Brady's videos. Jesus. All right, here's a guy walking out in the cold, cold weather of his ring camera.

[Brett]

It's quick.

[John Holmberg]

He's got a big, long pathway. He's on his porch and he's about to walk out of there, takes a step. Whoa. Hits me. Oh, that's a concussion. He's not remembering tomorrow. That's it. Tua. Yeah, he's got the two hands. Wow. Well, he Hits that like an ice rink. Like the Kachuks were in his front yard. And put that Canadian on his ass.

[Brady]

Don't knock it. That looks like fun. You don't want people moving here because.

[John Holmberg]

Of that, you know.

[Brady]

It looks like a great time.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we're envious of that.

[Brady]

Right down the sidewalk.

[John Holmberg]

Don't you just love ice sidewalks? We don't.

[Brett]

Him next is Dr. Varun. Dougal.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brett]

Eastern Indian chiropractor. He'll fit your tailbone.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, she's just all hunched up and he's putting. Oh, he's doing the. Larry Nasser. He's got a machine he's putting in her butthole to fix her back. This is a. This is where people in America go to jail for this. You got.

[Brady]

Those are fascinations too.

[Dick Toledo]

I believe they do.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. He kept her underpants on. So there's a barrier between insertion and machine. But still getting through. He's still getting through. There's some fabric inside of her that shouldn't.

[Brett]

Not done yet.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he's getting both his hands in the crack now. Oh, he's got a. How bad does her tailbone hurt to go through this? Oh, he's ripping away on her tailbone too. Jesus. He can't stay out of her. Be. Put the machine. You know what it looks like was when somebody makes buttons on pillows. He just keeps smashing that thing in. The hashtags on this frozen shoulder.

[Brett]

That's nowhere near the shoulder.

[John Holmberg]

I had a. I had shoulder pain. And if any doctor said. Let's take a look at your. I got the first thing the Core Institute did. No. Now Dr. Ali Raggy did not go. All right. Your shoulders hurt. Huh? Let's take a look at that butthole. This guy.

[Brady]

Is this the same. Does that repeater. Is he still going? Oh.

[Rich]

Oh, it is on a loop.

[John Holmberg]

I was gonna say. Or not.

[Brett]

I don't know. I think.

[John Holmberg]

Come on. Here we go again. I didn't know if it was looped or. This guy.

[Brett]

We waited for that.

[Brady]

The one video. That's what we waited for.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. All right.

[Brady]

I'm going. Oh, that was good, though. All right.

[Brett]

50.

[John Holmberg]

50.

[Brady]

I'm gonna go take a lap.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Christ on a bicycle. No doctor's like. Well, the only fix for this was that bad back. Yours is both of my ex. My flattened pans going into your ass at the same time. I'm gonna go ahead and do this. Like I'm praying and I'm putting those in your butthole. Why? My back hurts. You'll see. You gotta trust me. I don't trust anybody this much.

[Brett]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[John Holmberg]

And then I'm gonna take this thing and lean it on your butthole. I told. You heard me, right? I said my back hurts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your back ends at your butthole. All right.

[Dick Toledo]

All things start at your butthole.

[John Holmberg]

Who's the doctor here? No, not all things start at my butthole. That's horrible. What a butthole day we've had. That's strange. But that's stuff my sister would do. Not over in her covenant witchcraft. She performs on people.

[Brady]

Oh, man, I got a couple more.

[John Holmberg]

You do?

[Brady]

Yeah, there's a. Oh, boy. Here's some. I think it's Sir Valence video from a restaurant on the west side.

[John Holmberg]

We're in the way. Oh, Jesus. Just a. Oh, this isn't west side. Is everyone Chinese? I can't tell by the haircuts, but. Oh, my God, that guy's in his underwear. Just beating type stuff. Why is everyone dressed like. Why is everyone dressed like Hannibal Lecter? Everyone has Hannibal. He's hitting people with tables. But he's got the white T shirt and the white pants. Oh, I could have told you he was crazy. When I first saw this.

[Brett]

This guy's like, you know what?

[John Holmberg]

I'm.

[Brett]

I'm done.

[Dick Toledo]

He's the owner.

[Brady]

There's people just.

[John Holmberg]

Why are they. Why is the staff dressed like orderlies at a hospital? What's with the outfit? And they are just trash in that room. You know what? I bet you 41 days in a car with that lady. The guy had had it pull over. Oh, here's a truck on top of an Asian. The back right wheel is on top of an Asian who has most of a fence going through his shoulders and chest. Rebar. And he's still alive, Right? So he got. He got. It's rebar. He got run over. And now everybody's just filming it. Cuz that's what humans do now. He's now dead. He was alive for a second. Not anymore. Legs moving.

[Brady]

He's moving.

[John Holmberg]

Head gets up. That's the last thing he does.

[Brett]

Maybe he's just resting.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe he's just getting his back fixed. Then here's the last one and final surveillance video. Cruddy country. You can tell because everything's too close together. And surveillance videos. Oh, oh, it hit a guy. Oh, there's a kid. Oh, no, it just backed over. A kid.

[Brett]

Go forward.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, get the car off grandpa. Oh, that'll do. That's it. Oh, yeah.

[Brady]

Pick him up like that.

[John Holmberg]

Move them around Move them around. Wow. Yeah, that's what I'd say, too.

[Dick Toledo]

Yikes.

[Rich]

I agree with her.

[John Holmberg]

Look at him. Yeah.

[Brett]

Your delivery.

[John Holmberg]

What?

[Brady]

What's up, bro?

[John Holmberg]

Uber eats.

[Dick Toledo]

I think he's watching me.

[Brady]

No tip.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

That was my dad.

[John Holmberg]

One star. One star review.

[Rich]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's your dad's dream video. Yeah, that was Toledo. I'd have it. I didn't see him do that little jump up and click his heels. Got him. Well, there you go. It's 8:19. My goodness. A couple good ones in there. The worst one of the bunch was that hairy lady, though. How does she not see a problem with that? Full smoky belly button to pubic region. It is a lot. Hey, she doesn't want to narrow that.

[Dick Toledo]

Minutes ago, you were saying, find your niche and go on. Only fans. That's what she.

[John Holmberg]

No, I did not mean that. You know what I mean. If you want to make money, nobody's gonna subscribe to that except for, like, an electrolysis. I can fix that. The only comment she has not, oh, so hot or mmm, more, I can fix this. Here's my number. I'll do it for free so you stop making videos. There's your Brady Report. It's 98 KUPD. Yuck.

[Rich]

Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.

[John Holmberg]

Can you repeat it? You thought that was funny? You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? There you go. It is incubus right there. Pardon me. It is absolutely thrilling right now because we haven't done this in a while, and I've wanted to play for a little bit, and I don't know why. It's just been on my mind. But today, we bring back Beat My Dick. It's gonna be glorious. Are you ready, Richard? I hope so. This is a game where we quiz Richard Toledo. Big Dick Toledo Cleo. And we put a clock on it. Brady's gonna have the clock and. Well, actually, yeah, I'll just have the timer. And then, Brett, I need you to count out how many he gets. Right. Okay. You get to five. Every single one that Richard misses when I'm asked is 5 seconds additional to the time you must beat. Today we're going to do capitals around the world. Around the world, around the world. National capitals. And maybe five won't be too bad. Maybe you'll figure it out. I'm gonna just take the first few pages. There I have. If you choose to cheat and go online and try to try to con us, it's great. Good luck keeping Up. All right. Not you people listening, but if you want to play beat my dick. 5859, 800. Toledo's about to set his time. You're going to have your. Your clock marked and then you guys can call 585 9, 800. If you can beat his time, what do we have to give away?

[Brady]

Mud Vein tickets.

[John Holmberg]

Mud vein. All right, that's pretty good. So tickets to go see Mud vein on the line here. If you beat our dick. And all I'm going to do is ask him, like, what are you here to do? And you shout out, I'm here to beat your dick. And then we all have an ice chuckle and we move on. Brady, are you ready with the clock? Ready. Ready. Are you ready with the counter?

[Brady]

Damn right.

[John Holmberg]

Are you ready with your words? Cheer? I'm ready. I don't think you're there. Very confident with that. Yeah.

[Brady]

There goes all the mud vein tickets.

[John Holmberg]

All right, every miss is a five second ad, so keep track of the misses as well. Brady, you're just looking to count to five. When I say correct, you give me five, Right? Right. Here we go. I'll name the capital, you name the country. Okay. Hey, here we go. Good luck, Richard. Abu Dhabi.

[Brett]

Abu Dhabi.

[John Holmberg]

Incorrect. Algiers.

[Dick Toledo]

Marrake.

[John Holmberg]

Incorrect. The Hague.

[Dick Toledo]

The Hague.

[John Holmberg]

Incorrect. Beirut. Wait a minute.

[Dick Toledo]

Beirut's the city?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I'm giving you the capital, you give me the country. Oh, we'll start again. We'll start again. Jesus Christ. When I said I named the city, you named the country?

[Dick Toledo]

Said name the city, name the capital.

[John Holmberg]

No, no. Did I not say that? All right, we'll go back to the tape. Just in case he drives.

[Brett]

I followed along.

[John Holmberg]

Pretty sure Brady got it. That means. That means you screwed up. I'll try again. Are you ready?

[Dick Toledo]

Naming the country.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[Dick Toledo]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

The fact that I was naming cities you thought were countries doesn't make me more comfortable with you doing this.

[Dick Toledo]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, here we go. Because when I said Abu Dhabi and you said Abu Dhabi back to me, I'm like, this is going to be a long day. All right, let's try again. Ready, Brady? Scratch round one.

[Brett]

Got it.

[John Holmberg]

I know that you were following along, but he was not. Here we go. Abu Dhabi, Ethiopia. Incorrect. Algiers, Morocco. Incorrect. Thanks. Hague, Holland. Okay, we'll give you that one. That's one. Beirut, Lebanon. That's two. Brussels, Belgium. Three. Bucharest, Hungary. Incorrect. Budapest, Hungary. There you go. Four. Canberra, Australia. There you go. Toledo. That's not bad. What's the time?

[Brett]

26 seconds.

[John Holmberg]

Plus how many misses?

[Brett]

15.

[John Holmberg]

So there were 40. Or was it 41 seconds? 41 seconds to beat my dick. That's a good time. That's a good time. 41 seconds. You don't think so?

[Brett]

No.

[Brady]

Those are tough.

[John Holmberg]

41 seconds to beat my dick. I think you can pull that off. Now you can only miss three. You missed three, right? Yeah. So we'll say they can only miss two because they're giving you the extra time. So you only get two. You. You. You missed two.

[Rich]

You're right.

[John Holmberg]

Out. Out to beat my dick. And that's all it comes down to. 5, 8, 5, 9, 800. If you want to play. We'll take a break. You breathe a little bit. I might throw in some state capitals as well. We'll get. We'll see what we've got here. We'll. We'll throw them around. Capitals are today's beat my dick topic. And I'm very excited. Not bad. Not bad.

[Dick Toledo]

You got me thinking.

[John Holmberg]

Algiers is Algeria. Damn it.

[Dick Toledo]

I knew.

[John Holmberg]

Abu Dhabi is United Arab Emirates.

[Dick Toledo]

The wrong.

[John Holmberg]

And then Beirut's Lebanon. You got that? Yeah. Brussels is Belgium. Bucharest is Romania. Romania. And Budapest is Hungary. Pay attention because I may repeat.

[Brett]

What was the Hague again?

[John Holmberg]

The Hague is the Netherlands. He said he's in Holland. Close. The same thing. For the most part. We'll give it to him. Man. What are you going to do? Right?

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

God damn it.

[John Holmberg]

It's a tough one. 585-9800. If you think you can beat our dick, we'll take it. 41 seconds is your mark. Mark. And you'll go see Mudvay now. It could be. We have multiple tickets to this.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So we can, you know. If all of you beat my dick today. If. As long as I can take it. You can keep beating my dick on the line right now. Good luck to all of you. The game stands at 41 seconds. Good luck.

[Rich]

Morning sickness. The 98 KUPD. Holmberg's morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

All right. We're ready to go. It is time to beat my dick. You ready to go? Richard's time was 41 seconds. World capitals. 41 seconds and you can miss two. If you miss two, you're right out. Just boom. We're out. We've got Trent on line one. He's ready to do something. Let's ask him why he's here. Trent, are you there? Yep. What are you here to do? Beat your dick. That's exactly right. 41 seconds. You've got to beat my dick. And if you do that, you will get tickets to go see Mudvayne. Trent, are you ready? I'm ready. All right. Brady, are you ready to time Trent?

[Brett]

Ready, sir.

[John Holmberg]

Are you ready, Brett, to count his victories?

[Brady]

Got it.

[John Holmberg]

All right, I'm gonna kick you off something. Easy, Trent, since you're the first caller. Here we go. It starts, when I ask you the city name, you tell us the nation in which it is the capital. Here we go. Washington, goddamn D.C. united States of America. Wellington, New Zealand. New Zealand is correct. Taipei. Taiwan. Taiwan is correct. Lisbon. Portugal. Portugal is correct. He may have a cheat sheet. Port Au Prince. Port Princess. Haiti. Haiti is correct. These guys. That it is there. I'll get one more. Okay, we got plenty of time to mess around. All right, I'm gonna give you a tough one then. Victoria. Victoria. Oh, shoot. I don't know. Victoria. All right, that's one miss. That was. That's messing around. He's at 42 seconds, tied for five. You know what? Since he was first, I'm gonna give it to him. You get price just tied.

[Dick Toledo]

Get was five.

[John Holmberg]

He matched it. Well, he beat my dick to a top.

[Brady]

You got to beat it.

[John Holmberg]

You got to beat my dick, not tie my dick. I'm not interested in that weirdness.

[Brady]

So we giving it to him?

[John Holmberg]

Yes, he's got it. Congratulations. You've got it. Nice job. Yeah, we'll give Trent some tickets. That's pretty good right there. Five was good. Softball. I think he was cheating. Yeah, I gave him Washington goddamn D.C. all right. Make him a little tougher so you don't cry, all right? Right. Got this sheet right here to get that together and get my stuff in order here. Might have a couple of repeats in there. All right, here we go.

[Brady]

Oh, I like Ron on 2.

[John Holmberg]

I like this bunch. Ron, are you there? I'm here. What are you here to do, Ron? I'm here to beat your dick. That's exactly right, my friend. All right, Ron, it's going to start any second now. I'll name the capital, you name the country. Ready? Yeah. All right, here we go. Good luck to you. Kabul. Istanbul. Incorrect. Lisbon, Portugal. Portugal is correct. Monaco. Monaco. Path. That's two. He's out. He's out, he's out. Jennifer's on the line.

[Brady]

Jim.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Jim. If you were really Jennifer, you have only had to get two. Right? Because a woman doesn't have to get all five. I know. If only you identified as Jennifer like your phone does, because your wife pays your bills. All right? Is that your wife or your mother? Sure. No. Who's. Who's paying your bill? Why Is your phone in another person's name? It just is. I just paid the bill. Okay, but who is that? It's my sister. It's your sister? That's the most broke dick thing I've ever heard. Wow. Sorry. Broke? You're pretty broke if you're on your sister's plan. Do you pay the whole bill? Do you pay. You just give her a cut? They get like, $48 a month. No, I pay the whole thing. You pay her bill, too?

[Dick Toledo]

Why can't it be in your name?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, why can't you get it? It's easier. Why? What's easier about being on your sister's bills? You know, like Credit. You're a 490. You're a 490.

[Brett]

He's recovering.

[John Holmberg]

What are you. Are you recovering from something horrible? Sure. This is why you can't get a phone. You don't answer good questions. You know you're bad at answering questions. The phone company can't trust a guy who does that. All right. Maybe you'll get answer hard questions. Well, all right. I see. Oh, okay. I gotcha. All right. You live with your sister? No. Sure. Okay.

[Brett]

Sure.

[Dick Toledo]

Sure.

[John Holmberg]

Why wouldn't I?

[Rich]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

Sure. Here we go. I'll name the city, you name the. The. The country. Are you ready? Sure. Here we go. We'll start with. I'm going to give you an easy one because you got bad credit. London. Thanks. United Kingdom. That's exactly right. Managua. I'll pass on that one. That's one. Oslo, Norway. Norway is correct. Nassau, Bahamas. Bahamas is correct. New Delhi. India. India. Correct. Lima, Peru. Peru is correct. One more and he wins. Manila, Philippines. No more softballs. Why are they all softballs? Because you got just as easy. I don't see these as softballs. First one you get is the easiest one. I'll retire. Jim gets it. London. You didn't even know I was naming cities at first. Abu Dhabi's United Arab Emirates. That's easy. Easy? Yeah. That's where all the. All the wwe or. No, not those. The UFC matches are now.

[Brady]

We lost the last one. We can go blind with.

[John Holmberg]

Let's go blind. We'll go blind with one. All right. Hi, there. Who's this? Steve, Turn your radio down. Steve. Yeah. What are you doing here today, Steve? I'm here to beat your dick. That's exactly right. Do you have a sort of a fake accent, Steve? What's going on there?

[Rich]

No, I'm from Boston.

[John Holmberg]

No. Trying to hide it. Well, I'm not going to give you any African countries.

[Brady]

No do that.

[John Holmberg]

No, you're from Boston. All Bostonians either. It's not going to matter.

[Rich]

I don't have a lot of faith in myself on this one.

[John Holmberg]

All right, let's see what you got anyway. All right, you ready? I'll start the timer and we'll see what we can do. Ready? Yeah. Here we go. Havana.

[Rich]

Georgia. Oh, no. Cuba.

[Brett]

I like Cuba.

[John Holmberg]

Nope.

[Dick Toledo]

Gotta take your first answer.

[John Holmberg]

I'm going to just sit on that first answer for a second. All right. Islamabad, Turkey. Turkey is incorrect. Jakarta. I'm just going to keep going until he gets a good one. I don't know. This could be a while. All right.

[Brett]

Wyoming.

[John Holmberg]

You're from Boston. Djibouti. Still don't know that one. Djibouti is actually the capital of Djibouti. Dublin, Ireland. He didn't do very well, but give.

[Brett]

Him a couple more. You got 144.

[John Holmberg]

You got one in 44 seconds. That's pretty Bostonian of you. All right, how about this? Thank you.

[Rich]

Thank you very much.

[John Holmberg]

Pong. Yang. I'm gonna say Thailand. Thailand is incorrect. North Korea. Riyadh. Jeez, I've heard that one. Yeah, You've heard that one before. I heard it a lot in the 90s. Why did you call?

[Rich]

Because I like to call and be part of the show.

[Brett]

Part of the show.

[John Holmberg]

We like to have you. I appreciate that. How about Phoenix, Arizona? There you go. At least he knows where he is. I was just. That was more of a concussion test. Drop kick. Hold on a second. Yeah, we got. We'll get something for you for St. Patty's Day. Hold on just a second. We'll get him. We'll get him a prize for just being from Boston. That's got to be tough.

[Brett]

Maybe he hasn't had his morning Duncan yet.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's true. He might get. He needs his Duncan. I'll ask him. Put it back on there. Have you had your Duncan? Nope, not yet.

[Rich]

Well, that explains my Boston cream donut.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you got to get your Dunkin. It's. It's almost 9:00, for God's sakes. All right. All right, Southy. Hold on. There you go. That was pretty bad. Bad? Hey, world capitals. I don't know a thing about those. I'm going to call in. But he gets Ireland. He gets Ireland. Of course he got Ireland. It's ringing. Cuz every place he drinks is called Dublin. Something.

[Brett]

Dubliner.

[John Holmberg]

The Dubliner. Dublin pub. Dublin and pals.

[Brady]

Let me see if Ben's got Drop Kick Murphy's. Tickets or something.

[John Holmberg]

Dublin fisted. Yeah. Pyongyang is North Korea. I didn't go down the road. I could have with him Aman Addis Ababa. That's a tough game. And proof that the American school system doesn't focus on anything outside of us. Remember when they made us do all the countries in Africa? We gotta name the countries in Africa. And that was a test. Yeah. Just staring at that the whole time.

[Dick Toledo]

Like, which I think 10 of them have changed since I was in high school.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, sure. And you know why I didn't know any of them? Baseball.

[Dick Toledo]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Baseball in the United States kept me where the States were and cities and stuff like that. I could keep track of the World Series also. Oh, yeah, well, you always did it. Back to sports. Like, oh, Cleveland, Ohio. That's where the Browns are. Like, you knew general things just due to sports. I look at Africa and I'm like, I don't know any other sports. I don't know Chad. Chad's a place. Chad's in the middle. I took it. And I knew Brett would know that one. I don't. I couldn't. I. I'd be throwing darts at where.

[Dick Toledo]

Though not to be confused with Nigeria.

[John Holmberg]

Jani taught me Sudan, but they taught us that. And then, God forbid, he went south. I knew Brazil and Peru. Peru. After that, Central America, South America. I'm like, this is too much for me. But I could rattle off those states anyway. That's a tough game. Beat my dick. Wasn't easy today, but two people did it. And one guy from Boston is gonna get to drop Kit Murphy's tickets. He's gonna try to find that in a couple of days. Our sports friend Dale Hellestra is gonna join us in just a little bit. It's 98, Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.

[Dick Toledo]

You thought that was funny?

[John Holmberg]

You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? This segment is canceled. It's canceled. Canceled? No. Canceled. You come in here and ruin the day immediately.

[Rich]

You gotta tell me if Brady was in agony. Oh, is it John? I'm gonna die.

[John Holmberg]

Bye.

[Brady]

You've had a good run, kid.

[John Holmberg]

He's 60. He's done enough. That's plenty of time to have gotten. He's not bringing anything to the party.

[Rich]

He's got tears in his eyes. Johnny, help me.

[John Holmberg]

He needs me to fix his butthole.

[Brett]

Pull out that Ravencrest, pop that blade and jab it.

[John Holmberg]

No. I'll give you the Raven Crest diy, but if your butthole's broken and I'm the last line of help. You're going to die from that. I'm not looking. If I'm in a situation where Brady has his butthole out and I'm, like, looking at it, I'm killing myself first. Why are we in this spot?

[Rich]

Well, because he's your buddy, he's your friend.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody's. I'm not close enough to anybody.

[Rich]

You'd pop it right there, Br. I'd do just about anything for you.

[John Holmberg]

So it's like the Meatloaf song. I do anything for love. But I won't do that. I will not do that. Do that.

[Rich]

My God, can you imagine Brady put his. Putting his foot up on the. On the side of the couch here and spreading them again.

[John Holmberg]

No. Why are you showing that?

[Brett]

Great.

[John Holmberg]

Johnny, stop.

[Rich]

Help me.

[John Holmberg]

If he came to work, if he came to work at all and goes, you're the only one I want to see there. There's something wrong.

[Rich]

I couldn't tell my wife, but I could tell you past four hospitals, the.

[Brett]

Dude at QT wouldn't do it.

[John Holmberg]

Dale Hellestra is here and off the air comes in spouting off nonsense immediately. He's brought to you by our friends at Prestige Billiards. If you want to get on over there, use meathead98 as the code in your promo code when you're on the website. And get 10 off whatever it is you want out of that place. Prestige Billiards, AZ.com or one of their three stores, Scottsdale, Mesa or Glendale.

[Rich]

I thought he was coming in and say we had to go to break.

[John Holmberg]

No, we do. We do now. I do. I want to go to break. I think he's right. I think it's perfect. Dear Christ. Yeah. And you, you would never do that for like your wife. Brooke comes and has something wrong with her butthole. You're done. You're not fixing that. Oh, would she even think of you?

[Rich]

I would be. I would probably be the last liner.

[John Holmberg]

If she said, fix this.

[Rich]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Or look, take a look at this. Does this look infected? Does this look infected? And she pulls her pants down. Are you interested still? Are you leaving? I'm leaving you. You would leave, Leaving, leaving, hang now.

[Brett]

I don't believe.

[Rich]

No, I don't think he would.

[John Holmberg]

Are you kidding?

[Rich]

John? You'd like to watch Dr. Zit Popper or whatever somebody.

[John Holmberg]

I not a butthole. They never show that episode. Sure, I'll help you pop boil on.

[Rich]

Your back or something.

[John Holmberg]

Not. I don't love anything that much sicker.

[Rich]

Poorer, healthier, richer, bubbles.

[John Holmberg]

Even if it's my dog. And that's what I love that more than any person on the planet. Any of my dogs. I take it to the vet. I'm not doing a DIY on a butthole of anybody.

[Brett]

But if there is no other person.

[Rich]

Yeah. If your dog's walking around, where am I? Your dog's walking around with something hanging out at its rear end. And the vets close till next Wednesday.

[John Holmberg]

Vets don't do it.

[Rich]

You're doing something.

[John Holmberg]

There's a thousand vets in the city. There's emergency vets. There's 24 hours.

[Brett]

There are options.

[John Holmberg]

You gotta pull up. There are options. There's always. I am not one butthole.

[Rich]

We gotta get this thing release.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't know what we've done that my dog's got something wrong with his ass, like right then and there that I have to. While this is an immediate.

[Rich]

Tried a new food. You tried something and it's just not a green.

[John Holmberg]

Blew out that day.

[Brady]

That's why they have vets.

[John Holmberg]

That's exactly why they have vets. That's exactly.

[Rich]

Vets are on strike for four days.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Well, then I guess bus will suffer for about four days.

[Rich]

That's ridiculous.

[John Holmberg]

I'd put some salve on it. Peroxide. Yeah.

[Brady]

There you go.

[Rich]

That's how you touch it.

[John Holmberg]

No, I'd have gloves or something.

[Rich]

Well, you can have gloves on when.

[John Holmberg]

You yank on a person. They're capable of choice. They can do that themselves. They can get mirrors. They understand cognitive reasoning. A dog's just like, my butt hurts. He doesn't know. Dog would be fine. You. I can't. And if you had that. You've got a fistula going on back there. You call her in there to take a look. Don't you think that there's a reciprocal nature in the. If I show her my butthole problem, she's going to start showing me hers.

[Rich]

Well, hopefully she doesn't have any.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. Because you're leaving. Otherwise that's for her.

[Rich]

I wouldn't go that far.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, what would have to go wrong with her back door for you to go? I'm not staying.

[Rich]

I don't think. I don't think anything.

[John Holmberg]

Show them a rosebud.

[Rich]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

If that starts to happen on the reg. Are you sticking around?

[Brett]

You'd push that back.

[Rich]

Isn't that. You guys are ridiculous.

[John Holmberg]

You're the one that brought the. Brought the conversation to the party.

[Rich]

A little anal fistula.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's all a little bit Just amongst friends, just between a couple of buddies.

[Rich]

Now, you guys got rose buds going in.

[John Holmberg]

I'm asking the next question, which is, at what point do you draw the line and go, this is above my pay grade, and we're no longer in love. Is it that? It's not. That's not bad. That's just a puppy. It's a puppy. It's cute. Puppy. The picture on the screen is adorable.

[Brett]

I'm not sure what to do with that. I wouldn't touch.

[John Holmberg]

It's not even a thing that's out.

[Brett]

That's.

[John Holmberg]

Well, now it's just a picture of me, Dale, so.

[Rich]

Oh, that's almost worse than robot. You would not.

[John Holmberg]

And you would not do that for me. And I wouldn't ask you to do that, because a real friend wouldn't put a friend in that position.

[Rich]

Yeah, but what I'm saying. Say you're out. You and Brady out hiking.

[John Holmberg]

That's going to happen.

[Brady]

Brokeback Mountain.

[John Holmberg]

Look, first off, I'm not doing this. That. Because I can't carry him out, and I know he's not going to last long. So that's just a dumb error on my part, like hiking to the sign in the parking lot and back, maybe. But, like, real, actual.

[Rich]

No. You're out riding bikes, and all of a sudden, something pops up in there.

[John Holmberg]

And what, we get a unicorn horn goes in his ass. Because this story is not going to happen.

[Brett]

Yeah. Danger.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. No, he's on his own. And plus, if.

[Rich]

What about Brett?

[John Holmberg]

He's on his own. We're biking. There's. There's. I have a phone. Yeah, I'll have an. Like.

[Rich]

Yeah, but you're a little. You're out of range for that.

[John Holmberg]

Then I would. I'd be like, I'll be right back, but I'm gonna ride my bike to range.

[Brady]

I can appreciate that.

[John Holmberg]

And you'd be like, thanks.

[Brady]

I'll send the guy with the big Wheel stretcher.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And I'll. You know, I'm not gonna help.

[Brady]

I don't want him down there either, though. On the flip side of it.

[Rich]

No.

[John Holmberg]

What's going on?

[Rich]

In agony.

[John Holmberg]

That's fine.

[Brady]

I still don't want anybody up my. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I'm rolling around in anal agony. He's a bad bike rider. Right? That's all it is. You break your leg, I'll help you with that. Right? Y. Yeah. What's wrong with you?

[Rich]

Oh, good.

[John Holmberg]

In football, did that ever happen? You were in the locker room and Michael was like, dale, go beast mode on this ass. It's something wrong.

[Rich]

But there was one, one baseball story that I heard my, my friend Bob Welch told me when he, when he was alive. And it supposedly happened. Now Brady did some double checking with his hemorrhoid.

[John Holmberg]

That was some superfluous Brady esque type storytelling there. Because we assumed without you saying, that when he told you the story, he was alive. He told me a story when he was alive. Yeah.

[Rich]

Well, cuz you're going to go, isn't he dead?

[John Holmberg]

Well, I wouldn't have said that.

[Rich]

Yeah he would. You're thinking it.

[John Holmberg]

Only reason I know he's dead is because you said when he was alive. I'm like, oh, I didn't know that.

[Rich]

Right. But, but Dennis Erley evidently had a little fascination with buttholes with that. And he, he supposedly popped the hemorrhoid, popped a tx, a teammate's emerald.

[John Holmberg]

Pop a teammate's hemi.

[Rich]

Yeah. Oh, Henry, quite. What, what's he gonna do, pin somebody down?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, because that's what you'd have to do to pop mine. Why would Dennis Ackersley be asked to do this?

[Rich]

Because they know that he.

[Brett]

Double dare.

[Rich]

Probably double dog dare.

[John Holmberg]

Oh man.

[Rich]

You know, baseball's a lot. They're in the butt.

[John Holmberg]

Baseball players are very into butts. I knew a girl years ago, went.

[Brett]

Five for five that day.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I gotta pop one every day. I knew a girl who dated a baseball player years ago and she was put off by how into butts he was. And then she's like. And then she started to date another baseball player. Same thing. And so were his friends. They like did butt games all the time. Really? Not like gay, but like they thought it was funny to. I guess when you're just naked with people 160 times a year, you're kind of. You start getting butt.

[Rich]

Yeah. You've never been in a locker room?

[John Holmberg]

I've been in a locker room.

[Rich]

Yeah. As a spectator?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. As a visitor.

[Rich]

Oh, the freshman. And then Dobbs like.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it was when the tour was going through. I'll join that. I've been in locker rooms before.

[Brett]

He's had some good locker room.

[Rich]

Yeah. But if you. But have you been in the locker room as a participant?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Rich]

Or as a gawker?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. No, I go into the closet and I change like a decent person.

[Rich]

Go to the closet.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Going to like one of the stalls in the bathroom. What? Why would I. Why do you want to see me naked?

[Rich]

Are you probably one of those idiots that don't shower after a game because you don't have A medicine.

[John Holmberg]

I do shower after a game.

[Rich]

You're a little ding a ling.

[John Holmberg]

I shower after a game. At home.

[Rich]

Not in the locker room.

[John Holmberg]

No, Dale, we just. I'm going to use your friends. Listen, how about this?

[Brett]

In the shower.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Let's go back to Dale's analogies, shall we? You and I are on a bike ride.

[Rich]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

We're having a nice time. We go back to my house. Oh, we going to shower together?

[Rich]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Right. Cuz it's weird. So why do you guys have to do it after games together?

[Rich]

Because you. You're out there sweating. You're grinding.

[John Holmberg]

You hurt. I know you're grinding. So here's the problem. I have the Jerry Jones Jerry Dome.

[Rich]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

$7 billion to build this thing and they still put public showers in. You can't get your own stall.

[Rich]

Oh, come on. Don't be a child. Why am I being. I mean, that. That, that is. That's like middle school. I don't want to.

[John Holmberg]

You get your own soul. It's not even about that. It's just no reason to shower nude with other men.

[Rich]

You're not confident?

[John Holmberg]

Totally fine. I'm also wildly uncomfortable in a group of men naked, showering.

[Rich]

You're not touching each other.

[John Holmberg]

Raised right somebody.

[Rich]

And yeah, they're good.

[John Holmberg]

There's no reason.

[Rich]

When's Johnny gonna start growing?

[John Holmberg]

There is no reason. Maybe a couple of guys probably would say that.

[Brady]

Michael Irvin would.

[John Holmberg]

He's saying that about every day. But there's no reason for a group of men to shower openly together again.

[Rich]

I don't understand it because I know, like when I was in high school, they had the community showers after a football game in high school in September, you shower.

[John Holmberg]

The least confident most people are with their bodies.

[Rich]

That's when I. Yeah, but that's when.

[John Holmberg]

You felt pretty good about you.

[Rich]

Oh yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I was a late bloomer.

[Rich]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Walking around there with no fuzz. I'm not.

[Rich]

I didn't either.

[John Holmberg]

You didn't have any.

[Rich]

I didn't have to shave until I was like a sophomore.

[John Holmberg]

I still. I'm still not sure I have to. I think I do it just because I'm supposed to. It's gotten pretty awful, but if I let it go, it wouldn't matter.

[Rich]

No. So. So the. The kids nowadays.

[John Holmberg]

And you're in there now watching teenagers shower at Scottsdale Christian.

[Rich]

And that's interesting thing because. Because so first of all, they all go home now and.

[John Holmberg]

That's right, all.

[Rich]

They'll just go to the party and then go home after that and go shower. Which is silly, but. Yeah. So over the last 10 years, there's been some incidents that have happened.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's been going on a long time.

[Rich]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Just came out over the last.

[Rich]

Right. And. And I'll never forget my wife Brooke goes, well, you mean nobody monitored. No, coach monitors a shower, said Brooke. But 60 year old dude sitting there looking into the shower, he's gonna get in trouble.

[John Holmberg]

The whole setup is weird. I've never understood the setup. Coach flake it, bro. O used to stand there and we weren't allowed a towel until he gave it to us because guys were snapping towels.

[Rich]

Okay, so there's a.

[John Holmberg]

There's a dude in his 40s just with a weird Panama jack hat and a whistle around his neck, waiting for a bunch of naked boys to walk towards him. And meanwhile, it's just this open air stems with seven shower heads on it. Yeah. And standing there naked together, and I'm like, this whole setup needs to be rethought.

[Rich]

Yeah. You want your privacy.

[John Holmberg]

I love my privacy. Nudity and privacy go hand in hand.

[Rich]

See, that's why you never made it, Johnny.

[John Holmberg]

I would have been fine. Because you know why? I'd have been like Russell Wilson. I'm like, my locker's too small and I don't have my own shower. I don't even like using the bathroom with you freaks. People pissing all over the floor. You got to wear. You got to wear sandals in the public shower because people can't control themselves. You had to wear sandals in there, guaranteed. You put a pair of shoes on in that men's shower. Yeah. Why? Because they're standing in dude's urine.

[Rich]

Well, that goes down the drain.

[John Holmberg]

Why do you have to wear the shower shoes?

[Rich]

Because.

[John Holmberg]

Because it doesn't go down your terrain. It's because you'll get sick. It's repulsive. And it's. It's not something. And we've normalized it. And I don't know why. Why can't you build showers for everyone or have a line?

[Rich]

Oh, now you're talking Middle school.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, you get 12 showers and two at a time then. How about that? What if I said that two at a time in each stall? You'd think that was weird, wouldn't it? Well, how come 12 at a time?

[Rich]

Is it because you're out in the open, Right.

[John Holmberg]

So you shut the door, suddenly it's gay.

[Rich]

You, of all the guys in this room, of you three knuckleheads, I would have thought you'd have been the most confident I thought you'd come walking in there comfortable and confident swinging and just say, get out of my.

[John Holmberg]

I'll swing my dork around. But I find it to be. Most of the time, it's insulting to other men, and I don't want to do that to them. I don't want to embarrass other men. Guys, I'm thinking of you.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

When I walk around, they don't. Like what? You can't tell when they're crying. When the water hits their face, I'm like, I'm sorry, guys. There's nothing I can do. So I try to keep it, you know, classy. I just never understood that. And I certainly don't understand, like, signing up for a club as an adult and walking around naked. And that's a generational.

[Brett]

Well, I think the. The initial. I mean, if you're looking at the design of it, as far as the cleaning part of it, they can just do the whole area without.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I don't.

[Brett]

A lot quicker.

[John Holmberg]

They shouldn't charge any money if they've got communal showers.

[Rich]

Oh, no. Yeah. You got a club in your lifetime or something? No, you have your own stall.

[John Holmberg]

Everything should be. Well, shower stalls. But dudes that like to walk around nude because it's not normal.

[Brett]

I've actually doing yoga on the bench before they get dressed.

[Rich]

I've actually said that to some older guys. Walk around without a towel on. I'm like, hey, does your wife not let. Does she let you walk around like that? Well, no. Well, then what do you think we want?

[John Holmberg]

Why am I comfortable with it? Put some goddamn pants. The towel's not enough. Where are you going in the towel? Just from shower to place to dress. But there's no, like, meandering towel around. Watching a dude shave in a towel go home. Yeah, it's gross. Yeah. You're a big fan of showering with men and you're trying to show.

[Rich]

I'm not. I'm just saying I don't understand that I'm gonna go home with, you know, cakes with sweat and dirt.

[John Holmberg]

And why you do that when you're just out playing in the park or you play some basketball at a park. You got to go home and shower. Why is that that bad? Why can't. Why do you have to shower?

[Rich]

They don't have showers there.

[John Holmberg]

So you're going home and showering.

[Rich]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

What's the difference?

[Rich]

But before you go somewhere. Well, usually after a game. John. See, this is how it works. You know, when you get into a varsity sports and you Shower together and.

[John Holmberg]

Then you have a date. Yes. Oh, okay, I see. I didn't know that. You can't possibly finish up, go home, shower and then meet the guys at the place. No, you've got to be naked again.

[Rich]

It takes you five minutes.

[John Holmberg]

You got to be naked with them in order to enjoy the bonding. You can't go to Maggiano's with home shower. You have to have public nudity, then meals.

[Rich]

It's a 20 minute drive home.

[John Holmberg]

Why are you living so far away? It's public school. You were.

[Rich]

You live, right?

[John Holmberg]

You lived walkable distance to Chaparral. I know, right? So. I don't know. It's the, the accent. So you. So saro, you could walk to Saguaro from where you lived.

[Rich]

You could walk anywhere.

[John Holmberg]

I mean you could crawl on your belly anywhere. You know what I'm saying?

[Rich]

Could have been 45 minute walk.

[John Holmberg]

Walk. Where did you live?

[Rich]

I live basically camel back in, in Pima and, and Swores McDonald.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, so two minute drive.

[Rich]

Five minute drive.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, go home, shower, you can meet everybody like you were in there. No reason to just get naked with your friends.

[Rich]

I just. It shocks me that you're that shy.

[John Holmberg]

I'm a shy guy.

[Rich]

I like to keep it class, it all come together.

[John Holmberg]

I can tell you exactly why.

[Rich]

Because somebody made fun of your.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that didn't help. But I'll tell you exactly.

[Rich]

They coast laughed at you when they handed you.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody started getting in trouble at school when I was, when I first got there and getting in there and stuff coming out and I'm like, look guys, I can't let all you blow me. I know you want to and this is just. But the line got too long. We were late for the next class. It got rough and then nobody was going to dinner. They just stood and waited for me. They wanted a piece of it. I think that was exactly it.

[Rich]

I think somebody brought a broomstick in there and got you.

[John Holmberg]

No, I do know one of the reasons was my first day in seventh grade, alphabetically. The dude next to me was Todd Linkus. And H, I, J, K, L. We didn't have Js. And K, he was right there. So I was like, oh, Linkus is next to me. And Linkus was one of those guys that was 6ft tall, 225 when he was in fifth grade. Just became a man. And so he's throwing deodorant on his hair, on his chest and his balls and everything else. And I am, I'm like an eel. I was like, just the least, you're.

[Rich]

Supposed to have your eyes above.

[John Holmberg]

You can't help it when a giant standing next to and his dong almost hits a Lincoln. And the lockers are an inch and a half away. So I was paying attention forward, but I have good field vision. And peripherally, there's Todd's hair everywhere. And I'm like, I can't take my face.

[Rich]

Did he ever catch you looking at his penis?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I wasn't looking at his penis. I was looking at the hair on his body. I'm like, I don't have any of that. And then one kid named Joey took the towel off and walked through with his prepubescent body. And he got known as Kirk early for about two years. And I'm like, that would have been me had I not been. Had I not had the foresight to know that this could have been a nightmare. So I just put a pair of swim trunks on and went home. I didn't get in the shower. I didn't. I just tried extra deodorant.

[Rich]

I was gonna say, you're one of those guys that put some swim trunks on and go, no, that's.

[John Holmberg]

That's. That's a sign that you are definitely going that direction. All right, we got to take a break. Great start there, Dale. Great start to your sports talk today, brought to you by our friends@prestigebilliards az.com three stores. You can go there. Put Meathead 98 in the promo code online. Save yourself some money, or just tell everybody, look, Meathead, I want a discount. KUPD said so, and they'll give it to you. Dale Hellister is with us for a little while longer. It's 98 Morning Sickness.

[Rich]

The 98 KUPD. Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[John Holmberg]

There you go. You like Van Halen, right, Dale? That's one you're like, you can get behind.

[Rich]

I. You like Van Halen?

[John Holmberg]

That's a solid one right there. Dale has some taste. That shows the good thing. Dale Hellistray is here. He's brought to you by prestige billiards. AZ.com if you want to get over there and get your game room in order. Do you have a game room at your house? We need to get you on.

[Rich]

I. I mean, I have an office.

[John Holmberg]

What are you doing there?

[Rich]

I have, like, my computer, my super bowl trophies, and my pictures. So it's a storage facility. It's. It's basically an I love.

[John Holmberg]

Dale, what do you do with a computer? Outside of the obvious?

[Rich]

I email. I receive emails.

[John Holmberg]

From who?

[Rich]

Important people.

[John Holmberg]

Like what? Like. Like you're not doing anything. There isn't an nothing but business office is business. Like you're not doing anything.

[Rich]

You email and got tv, so.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, so you watch tv. So you get to hide in there.

[Rich]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

When Brook says get out.

[Rich]

I'm tired now.

[John Holmberg]

We talked about it earlier today. I want to talk sports eventually with you. Could you. I watched the Gabby Petito documentary, Remember her? A few years ago, she got killed by that Brian laundry guy on that. You don't know anything, do you? You don't remember anything about anything.

[Rich]

I've heard of Petito, though.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Gabby Petito was a. It was a nationwide not appetito missing a cute little missing blonde girl. She went missing for a couple weeks. Turns out her boyfriend did it. They were on a road trip together. Oh, great. Yes. And the road. And watch the documentary last night, and they got into a. Like a physical altercation. 41 days in, and then I'm like, well, you're 41 days living in a car with somebody driving around, Right. Could you ever do that with your wife? How long would she go before she killed you? Living in a car together. Living in a car because they chose to live in a. Two weeks, two days, 48 hours. Dale's dead. How long until you kill her?

[Rich]

It wouldn't be.

[John Holmberg]

It wouldn't. And every guy has to say, like, I would never. Yes, you would. There's no way. Because watching the documentary, you're supposed to feel really sorry for Gabby, but then you realize 41 days in a car, somebody sitting in that side, and they.

[Rich]

Chose to do this.

[John Holmberg]

They wanted to be YouTube bloggers of Van life. Like, they. They bought this little round of the nose. It was a Ford Transit. It's the small. It's like a wagon, like a station wagon. They put a little bed in it.

[Rich]

You're just asking for something.

[John Holmberg]

Asking to kill someone. So I watched the documentary. I think I had a different perspective after seeing. It's like not saying she deserved it, but one of the two of them was going to kill the other one on a road trip like that. They were 22. And that was when they just fought. They didn't kill each other till, like, late in the summer. So it was like 90 days in by the time the murder.

[Rich]

Well, I mean, he killed her, right?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. But it was inevitable. Like, you can't be in a. When's the longest road trip you've taken with the family.

[Rich]

Well, with the family. Probably tell you, right? Nine hours.

[John Holmberg]

That's Nine hours. That's a Maximum.

[Rich]

Brooke and I. I will tell you this story. So Brooke and I probably. Probably still, to this day, one of our biggest fights. Yeah. We got married in March. I had to go back to Buffalo for a minicamp. And I said, you know, we have relatives in Colorado and Illinois, so let's just make it a trip.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Too cheap to get a hotel.

[Rich]

We're just. No, we stay in hotels.

[John Holmberg]

Good man.

[Rich]

But just have stops along the way so you're not trying to drive straight through. And. And so we went. On the way back, we had to spend the night in Oklahoma City. City, for some reason, whatever. And get up in the morning. I didn't realize how much coffee she drank.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. In life or that day.

[Rich]

Well, we just got married, and she basically drinks almost a pot of coffee in the morning.

[John Holmberg]

A whole pot.

[Rich]

Close to a pot. And now we've gotten older, it's half a pot, but close to a pot. And I don't know. Well, you've never had kids. I don't know about how you did it or how you did it, but as we're leaving any anywhere, I always say, gotta go to the back. Do you have to go to the bathroom?

[John Holmberg]

But she's loaded on coffee. So it's not just number ones.

[Rich]

It's a no. But anyway, so she said, no, I don't have to.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Rich]

I said, you sure you don't want to try? Which is what I would tell my daughter.

[John Holmberg]

Push it out.

[Rich]

Try it. Yeah, try. And she goes, dale, I'm a grown up. I'm fine. Well, we're 10 minutes outside of Oklahoma City.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Rich]

And she looks down my pants. I said, well, we're not turning around.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, boy.

[Rich]

So I'll pull over. If you want to go along the interstate, get out. And she's never. She's never peed along, you know, interstate class. More class of the L. Tr And. And she evidently had to go that bad. And she got out and peed on the tent as. As cars are zipping by.

[John Holmberg]

So you left her wide open on this y.

[Brett]

And you're like, shake the bush.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So to speak.

[Rich]

There were no bushes, but it's Oklahoma.

[John Holmberg]

Well, we're not talking about. We're not talking about Oklahoma. We're talking about shaking the bush.

[Rich]

I. I didn't think that would be Brady's process.

[John Holmberg]

He's. You said he was phoning it in. He tried harder.

[Rich]

And all I could tell you, but.

[John Holmberg]

Was there a bush in Oklahoma?

[Rich]

Is what we're asking all I could tell you. Yeah. It was the 80s and so I. I can tell you this. That car was very, very quiet for. Yeah, three hours.

[John Holmberg]

For three hours. And then you guys. And then you had out. Once she started to talk to you, did you have it at you completely start yelling at each other?

[Rich]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Rich]

No, because we're dealing with Sean.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, so you hammered it out.

[Brett]

You knew you weren't gonna go. I told you so.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So you pulled over and you gave her what for on the side of the road, like a good, good husband. Nice job. That's a beautiful. What a beautiful Hallmark story you just told.

[Rich]

Well, what. What. Tell me, what would you do? Making your 15 minutes outside in the city. You just said you have to.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's why I always travel with a pot in the car. Get in the back seat.

[Rich]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And fill the pot. We don't pull over for anything. I'm like a camel. I can guzzle, and I don't have to go. I can drive for hours.

[Brett]

Hang your butt out the door.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And I'm mind over matter. I can just keep it. I don't have to. To pee.

[Rich]

Really.

[John Holmberg]

I'll be fine. We'll go wherever. However long you want to go, we'll go. And that's training. That's because my dad on road trips said, nobody's peeing. And he put the fear of God in me that nobody's peeing. So I just learned how to, you know, control that.

[Rich]

When I was growing up, we would try to drive back to Illinois, that's where my parents were from, every summer for two weeks or whatever, and, you know, get all loaded up, and then last thing they do is throw a coffee can in the back.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. For pissing.

[Rich]

And that was my peeing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Rich]

Being coffee can.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. That's good parenting. I think that's golden. Pardon the pun, but, yeah, I think that's. Yeah. You always had to have something just in case, because there's always somebody in the car who screws up the. The plan and getting off and getting back on is lame. It's horrible. And you had daughters, so your road trips were actually.

[Rich]

They were very, very. They're very, very good. We had our two stops to Telluride. We used to go up there all the time. The P stops said the two P stops. One was a snack.

[John Holmberg]

You scheduled them like a dog. You were training them like a dog. They go. When you say, yeah, that's perfect. That's good dadding Right there.

[Rich]

Right there.

[John Holmberg]

Anybody that pulls over for their daughter, and that's not. It's teaching them a lesson to learn how to clinch it up. Yeah, you're built with that. We can. We'll mind over matter. It's a mental game.

[Rich]

I think so. So the mental game doesn't work in the shower for you?

[John Holmberg]

It works just fine. I just don't. I. I just live my life trying to avoid rooms, naked guys and showering. That's just something. Call me crazy crazy, but that's just something I live my life by. The nice meal at steak 44 makes Brady sweat. I don't want to shower with him right after he can go home. Spinado's pizza. Brady took a head to take. He. I've reprimanded him because his dumps come. He won't control those. So he runs to the bathroom and the men's room was full. And instead of just being a grown up and saying, well, that's not. He went into the ladies room and dropped. Dropped a bomb available. And a lady came out. And he's just smiling like, what are you gonna do? And then he comes back to the table. I'm like, what did you do? And he goes, had to go. When you got to go, you got to go. And I'm like, are you not equipped with a sphincter? Lock it down.

[Brett]

Nice. The lady. I'm like, do not go in there five or ten minutes.

[Rich]

Really?

[John Holmberg]

Sorry. Like a shark.

[Rich]

A lady was outside. And you opened the lady's door.

[John Holmberg]

She was going in the thing. Yes, because I'm watching him. Like, he went in the other bathroom because it was a straight shot. Men's room was left, ladies room was right. And I watched Brady go, ka ka. And didn't even think, like, I could use the ladies. Like, no, this is happening. The other door swung open and he comes out of there as happy as a clam.

[Brett]

I thought it said Brady.

[John Holmberg]

Two swipes, he was done. Got to get back to that pizza. I'm not finished with some of it already came out. And he comes running out of the bathroom. Lady gets barged out. Out of the way, ma'am. Probably shouldn't go in there.

[Brett]

She came out with a license plate.

[John Holmberg]

This was in there. It was all awful. He's like, what are you going to do? Got to go. You got to go. Like, that is not the case. That is not human. That is your.

[Rich]

In a restaurant, you don't take a deuce.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you.

[Brett]

Try not to.

[John Holmberg]

No, you didn't try very hard that you ran to the men's room when it wasn't available. You had option b. On deck. There was no trying.

[Brett]

That is the. Yeah, that is the last option.

[John Holmberg]

There was more. Yes, there is. There's. There's more trying to. Than trying not to. Especially that day.

[Brett]

Not that day.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Rich]

No.

[John Holmberg]

You just decided that you wanted to go and make more room for the pie.

[Rich]

I was going to say, did you want more. More room for the pie?

[Brett]

Well, there's a little bit of truth.

[John Holmberg]

Feel a little full up. Maybe if I get rid of some dead weight. Terrible. Terrible. You don't dump at restaurants. No, I agree. You don't dump at friends houses. You don't dump it restaurants. That's just a rule. And if you have to and you've got a problem, get in the car and go to a gas station or do something else and go home and you're sick, Something's wrong, you're not feeling well. So if you can't control your butthole, you should go home.

[Rich]

Yeah, well, then I. I think the next time I get invited to a Steelers party, I might. I might use that. That standalone.

[John Holmberg]

I gotta be honest, I'm not sure you've ever been invited.

[Rich]

You just show up, Johnny, you ask.

[John Holmberg]

If you can come over a lot.

[Rich]

I know, you know that I'm the star of the party. You get what you know that you.

[John Holmberg]

Guys have never heard. Johnny, you know that there were 25 Steeler there, and Dale walked in on that last game. It's like, ah, come on. And then 20 people boo. Nobody planned it. Nobody talked about it. The star of the party was booed. Yeah, it was hilarious.

[Rich]

Well, that's because I wear my Cincinnati Bengals.

[John Holmberg]

No, that's because you were on your Baltimore Ravens.

[Rich]

Baltimore Raven thing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, your three games. All right, I want you and Brady to team up on this, okay? I think we can do this.

[Rich]

141 seconds.

[John Holmberg]

41 seconds. You time it 41 seconds. And you guys to together have to get five worlds.

[Brady]

Jesus.

[John Holmberg]

Columbus, Columbus, Phoenix. That's states. We're going around the world. Are you ready, Dale? Are you ready, Brady? Now, I want Dale to answer, but you have to be. If he looks at you, you can answer. All right.

[Brett]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

So it's Dale's question first. And if he goes, Brady, then you can help. So I gotta get six, right? They gotta get six to beat my dick. What are you here to do, Dale?

[Rich]

Win?

[John Holmberg]

No, you're here to beat my. My dick.

[Rich]

I'm here to win.

[John Holmberg]

All right, here we go. When the clock starts, you'll hear the timer. I will name the city, you name the country. Here we Go. Good luck, Dale. Caracas, Venezuela. Nice. Copenhagen, Denmark. Double. Cape Town, Africa. More specific. No, incorrect then. All right. Brady fixed it. That's three. Bogota.

[Rich]

Argentina.

[John Holmberg]

Incorrect.

[Brett]

Colombia.

[John Holmberg]

There you go. But he already answered. Brady. He didn't ask for your help. He didn't answer. Warsaw.

[Rich]

Warsaw is Poland.

[John Holmberg]

Nice, Dale. One more and you get it. Nairobi looks at Brady.

[Brett]

Kenya.

[John Holmberg]

Kenya is correct. The boys did it together. This is championship team.

[Brady]

It was 39. But didn't they miss a couple? So that's out.

[Rich]

I missed one.

[John Holmberg]

You missed one. Well, technically you missed two, but br. We gave you the save on the first one. You just had to learn.

[Brady]

So how many. How many we had on that?

[John Holmberg]

That was tight. They got it. No, you don't. They just had two.

[Rich]

Get somewhere.

[John Holmberg]

You go see a mud thing. You're going to love it.

[Rich]

Yes.

[Brett]

This is going to be awesome.

[John Holmberg]

They're the Dolly Parton of rock. You're going to love it. Now, before we get into the spots, because we got to go. Hockey tonight.

[Rich]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It's the best sport going right now. There's two things that are about to happen that I think might be the greatest sport sports moments. Every time it happens now. Every year we get the March Madness. Yes. And I think that's the best tournament in sports, bar none. This thing they got going on in hockey might be the greatest invention accidentally that they've ever put together. Have you ever. Did you watch the game the other night? Well, nobody knew this was going to happen. And so this is kind of their all star game. Do you think they, like the NBA should do this? But none of those guys are tough enough to do. No.

[Rich]

I mean, these guys are actually getting hurt doing this stuff.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. The Kachuk kid had to sit out.

[Rich]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

One of them. For being way too aggressive.

[Rich]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

In an exhibition. Can you imagine playing an exit a preseason game where it's the United States versus Europe in football. They had caught us.

[Rich]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

And can you imagine in a game that didn't matter at all, ever playing as hard as you would and like, that was Super Bowl. That was Stanley cup behavior. Can you ever imagine that in football?

[Rich]

I. It's happened to me in a college all star game.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Rich]

To where, you know, Pax was supposed to be kind of walk kind of jog through whatever. And the defensive end is going to try and make all.

[John Holmberg]

He's going to be the superstar.

[Rich]

That's how then. Now you got to match his intensity and all that. And that's no fun.

[John Holmberg]

Otherwise you'll look like you're getting run.

[Rich]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And.

[Rich]

And so that's no fun. But yeah, they. They accidentally stumbled on. This is of course USA and Canada and everything that's going on politically.

[John Holmberg]

Bands are in it. Yeah, it's exactly it. It's like this. This. The planets are all perfectly straight and we're going to see it now. Do you think tonight they. They are coached to keep going? What would the coaches do you think say like guys contract seasons are online. You can't do this. This is an. It's a friendly. It's a goof.

[Rich]

There might be getting pinged on their cell phones a little bit about, hey, we got a regular season.

[John Holmberg]

I wouldn't listen.

[Rich]

No, tonight it's going to be. It's going to be fascinating because part of me thinks that Canada is going to come out and smoke them.

[John Holmberg]

I think so too because.

[Rich]

Because United States is dinged up pretty good and Canada's pissed.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

It's business.

[John Holmberg]

They might have. The US might have won the battle. They're not going to win the war because I think they went in hot in that first one and now it's going to be. I love though that I'm getting emails all morning saying we're going to kick those white backs ass or let's get those snow Mexicans. I don't know why they've become racist towards the Canadians.

[Brady]

I've heard worse than that.

[John Holmberg]

Those are the tame ones. Yeah, those are the tame ones. It is an absolute hatred of Canada where we can take all of our innate built up bigotry that we have as Americans and push it on people who look just like us. We finally found an outlet for racism that we can't get in trouble for.

[Rich]

I've never heard any of those.

[John Holmberg]

I got one of them. I'll tell you off the air.

[Rich]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

White backs is hilarious. Snow Mexicans had me dying. I didn't even know.

[Brady]

That's a different word though than one that I heard.

[Brett]

Yeah, so.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I heard those. Yeah, well, you heard the tame version. Yes.

[Brady]

I've had emails here.

[John Holmberg]

It's like, oh yeah, something like syrup suckers and things like that going on those. But we've gotten racist towards Canada and that make. That's when America is good. When we have a common enemy we can make fun of.

[Rich]

The only thing they did between us and them is their accent. Hey, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Real. And, and look, education and. And they're Canadian. They're not. They're not us for a reason. We're better than Canadian. Canadian. They are the country music of the continent. They're the dumb ones. He's coming in. Tell me we gotta go. We gotta take a break there. But you think Canada wins tonight, you traerator.

[Rich]

I do. No, I want USA to win. I. I'd love to see three more fights in the first 10 seconds.

[John Holmberg]

Let's hope that one breaks out on.

[Brady]

I'm gonna check to be great.

[John Holmberg]

All right. We got an entertainment drill coming up in just moments. It's 98, Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station. You thought that was funny? Sickness. You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? All right. Dale hellistras here. It's 10 o'clock on the dot. I'm proud of both. He's going to mud vane. He won tickets earlier today. What a wonderful segment this is.

[Rich]

I mean I. I took big Dick and. And took him over my knee. Gave him a little spanking.

[John Holmberg]

You beat that Dick.

[Rich]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I'm proud of you. It's like you knew what you were doing with it. I was impressed. Very. What else you got going on? Anything good sports is kind of over it. Suns are back tonight.

[Rich]

Suns are back tonight. We were just talking about that and I asked you think they make a playoffs? And as an ardent sun fan you said I hope not.

[John Holmberg]

I hope not. It's embarrassed. They'll get embarrassed in the playoffs. It'll be more embarrassing to make the playoffs. Playoffs. What about. Do you think that my idea of naming the Arena Al McCoy arena now that it's not Footprint center anymore is the best idea we can do? They took. You know that, right? They. It's no under footprint. So now just call it Al McCoy Arena. And then whatever the sponsor is next. Wellington beef or whatever they call it. I don't know. Progressive insurance at Al McCoy Arena. Always call it Al McCoy Arena. So we can call it that.

[Rich]

Well, you know they're going to sell. So as they. As long as they can do that.

[John Holmberg]

That. But they're gonna sell again in three years. So can we have a constant? Because this. This franchise has no foundation.

[Brett]

It has no stadium. Whatever the base name is.

[John Holmberg]

Right. The base name is Al McCoy Arena. And then just have his name all over it.

[Rich]

Progressive insurance. No, Al McCoy Arena. Brought to you by progress and then.

[John Holmberg]

Just a Progressive insurance. The Al McCoy Progressive Insurance. Yeah. And because it's an honor to that guy who should have gotten an honor before he died before they didn't. But they won't. And the rumor is that it's going to be Robert Sarver's bank that is the new title sponsor. There's a. Two people have sent me pictures of permits in the window at the door of the ticket office that says permit pending to call it whatever bank. Western Alliance Bank.

[Rich]

Really?

[John Holmberg]

I'm like, that's Sarver's old bank. Brady caught that. He goes, that's Sarver's Bank. I'm like, you're right. That is. I looked. I'm like, that is Sarver Harvest Bank.

[Rich]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

So ultimate twist in that one.

[Rich]

No, but they should honor Al McCoy with something like that.

[John Holmberg]

It's. He's dead now because they blew it. But that would be a nice thing.

[Brett]

It'll be the kids play area.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. The Alma Coy kids play area on Diana Taurasi way.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That's great.

[Rich]

So what do they do for Britney Griner now that she's gone? She got an avenue around the.

[Brett]

They're doing.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, they should. Yeah.

[Brett]

Smoking area.

[John Holmberg]

There's a smoking area. And.

[Brett]

And actually Grinder smoking.

[John Holmberg]

They've always been known for having that little dispensary. They have that. The little jail down at the bottom of Mary. They'll just name that the Grinder holding facility.

[Brady]

The Grinder Suites.

[John Holmberg]

The Grinder Sweets. That's right. You can spend a night in the Grinder Suites if you just screw around. It's time now for the entertainment drill. It's brought to you by our [e-mail] the home of tactical black self defense. I was out there yesterday messing around with the guys and we had fights. We did a great one. One where you get pinned up against a wall by your neck with. These are like a guy in handcuffs or he's holding a stick. There is a method to get out of that. Now your first. They always put you through it and say, what's your natural reaction? And you end up making it worse. Like, it's as simple as this. And they show.

[Rich]

Come up with a knee. No.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you can do that too. But when you got it pinned up here and if there's a chain or anything, it was based on a real event of a cop who was. Had a guy handcuffed in the front. And he turned and put the chain around his neck and shoved him against a wall. And it's like, what do you do? And your first reaction is to fight the chain. Get that? Turn it, man. There's a method that you. And then this. Boom. It's. You are in control in a second Mindchanger. Awesome.

[Rich]

You're talking about taking control the arm.

[John Holmberg]

It's very offensive line you get that, you break that down and next thing you know, that dude buckles. He'll never see it because you're not strong.

[Rich]

This.

[John Holmberg]

This is pulling down.

[Rich]

Most people are not strong this way. Going up, they're a little strong. You try to lift, it's harder to do.

[John Holmberg]

You just break them from the elbows. It's an unbelievably fast and. And you would probably already have that n. Your natural reaction might be to get that guy's hands off.

[Rich]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Most people grab the chain and they make it worse than themselves. Now they've tightened their hand in there and they're crushing their own. It's nuts to watch, like people go, what would you do if this happened? Even a stick. And then you have a leverage thing with the stick and you, oh, it's so much fun. And that's what I'm getting at. When you go there, you learn something and you're like, I want to keep doing this. And then you have this weird mentality like, I hope someone tries that today. They're like, no, you don't actually got to talk yourself out of that. Come on, man. But you got to talk yourself out of that. It's a dangerous mentality. But I had so much fun yesterday. And it's a workout that I honestly say when I miss it, I actually miss it. I'm glad I got to go yesterday. It was so much fun. You can go to 199 bucks. Get you two months personal training. That's how it works. Hands on self defense training. That is the best in the world. Rack defense.com. that's where you go. It's the home of tactical Black Brady Entertainment.

[Brett]

We got a big tweet from Kanye yesterday.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

He said, after further reflection, I've come to the realization that I'm not a Nazi.

[John Holmberg]

You know how long it takes me to know that? You know how long it takes to sleep on it? If you say if Dale, right now you say John, do you think you may or may not be a Nazi? I'm pretty quick with the no, I'm not.

[Rich]

You don't have to say. Let me start.

[John Holmberg]

Let me think about that. I gotta reflect on that. The question's nuanced and layered and I need to. Maybe I am. I don't know. I haven't really put a lot of time into that. I know immediately. Nope, not a Nazi. It's easy.

[Brett]

In the uk, the royal family has some traditions and some of them might have gone out of style. Kate Middleton's talking about the Kids upcoming opportunity to go hunting. They do a thing called. It's called blood blooding you. It's on the first kids hunt, they. Whatever they kill, they take the kill and they smear the blood on their face. Oh, she says my kids aren't gonna do that.

[John Holmberg]

There's a similar.

[Brett]

They're gonna break the chain of blooding.

[John Holmberg]

There's a similar kind of ritual in college with your first girlfriend. That's not blooding though. It's named after the Detroit hockey team.

[Brett]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, don't start shaking your head. Boot a good hiking boot. Yeah, exactly. The red wing was a nice boot. They did have nice boots. But I'll tell you right now, Dale, you shaking your head but earlier talking about how you cure buttholes with just the simple look. I don't want to hear you.

[Brett]

Dale has a hard hitting story.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Let's have it.

[Rich]

All right. The Travis Kelce is in the news again.

[John Holmberg]

We like it.

[Rich]

I'm sure that you kind of did this too on Valentine's Day. Johnny Travis Kelce went all out by showering Taylor Swift. Do you think they're gonna get married?

[John Holmberg]

God, I hope so.

[Brett]

I can't wait.

[Rich]

A life filled with happiness by showering Taylor Swift with $100,000 worth of gifts.

[John Holmberg]

Just a waste of money. She's. She's a billionaire.

[Brady]

What do you buy that?

[John Holmberg]

She's a billionaire. What are you doing?

[Rich]

He got her gold necklaces, diamond earrings, shoes, clothing, candy and a thousand dollars worth of roses.

[John Holmberg]

You know what he didn't get her?

[Rich]

A Super bowl year.

[John Holmberg]

No ring.

[Rich]

He did last year.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but he didn't give it to her.

[Rich]

They're from a place called Write this down.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Rich]

Venus at Fluor. F L E R. Is that how you say that? Okay. And he topped it off with a homemade card.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, in a Mac and a macaroni, Travis. Which is also adorable because again, I.

[Rich]

Don'T know about you, but the. The homemade card shows a little personality.

[John Holmberg]

I am personally against all cards because they're.

[Brett]

You might have cut out little stars.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's cute. Them on maybe a couple little. Little arrow heads to let them know us from. Yeah.

[Rich]

And then at the very I said after Taylor finished up her ears tour and Travis and the kids chiefs got destroyed.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[Rich]

As a Super Bowl. The source says they're gonna quote, take some time away to vacation with just the two of them.

[John Holmberg]

Oh.

[Rich]

Talk about their future.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe reflect on whether or not they're.

[Rich]

Nazis and just relax.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. That's adorable. Reflecting on their future Maybe she's gonna break up with them because Jalen Hurts is a champion.

[Brady]

400 bucks.

[Rich]

400 bucks for what?

[Brady]

For this box of roses.

[John Holmberg]

A box of rose. A box of dead flowers.

[Rich]

Suppose they last a year.

[Brett]

Yeah, they last a long time.

[Rich]

Yeah.

[Brady]

I should get her a rose bed. Something she can't buy herself.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[Brett]

That lasts forever.

[John Holmberg]

You should also. She'll always remember him. I mean, come on.

[Brady]

Everybody can buy your roses.

[John Holmberg]

You and I agree about Taylor Swift. In order to give her a rose bud, you need to have an ass. Oh, yeah.

[Brady]

That fastback is enough.

[John Holmberg]

She's got no ass. Wow. Am I wrong?

[Rich]

But she's got a hole.

[John Holmberg]

Whoa. So Dale is saying you could give her a rosebud. I say you can't because I couldn't get erect. I couldn't get an erection for it.

[Rich]

Oh, you could.

[John Holmberg]

I find. I don't find her attractive at all.

[Brett]

John, I'm with Dale. I think rose bud lives anywhere.

[John Holmberg]

I don't.

[Rich]

For me, if she starts singing in your ear.

[John Holmberg]

Human ambient. If she started singing her songs in my ear, I'd punch her. I don't find her attractive. No. She's got the haircut of people from the Special Olympics. I just. Look. Come on, Dale. You can't get wood for that. There's a picture of her that's not even. I don't know what that is.

[Rich]

You know, for a guy who looks like.

[John Holmberg]

Talk about a fastback.

[Rich]

And a guy that looks like him.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Rich]

To be critical of any woman, I.

[John Holmberg]

Have a better ass than her. I'm not talking about face. Both of us do. Yeah. Brett does, too. I'll vouch for that. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not gonna win a beauty contest. Bubble here. Yeah, look at that. And those are baggy pants. And he's still filling those out. She looked like she was walking around in a. In a bounce house. If she was, we in his pants. I have a better ass than her now. If it's face to face, I'm going to lose that one. Oh, yeah. If it's breast, I'm going to beat her in that one, too, because at least I've got some supple something or other. The ass. Not even a contest.

[Rich]

Oh, my goodness.

[John Holmberg]

She crushes me in the vagina category. Yeah. Well, yeah. Legs. I think my legs might be better than hers. I'm telling you, she's not. She is not that in person. No.

[Brady]

She's an average broad.

[John Holmberg]

Nothing special. That's the dolled up Internet Version. And it looks like somebody just smashed her in the ass with a snow shovel. And it's like she's made a memory foam.

[Rich]

You guys are harsh.

[John Holmberg]

There we are.

[Brett]

I'm taking not for her a good time.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Lucky her. Well, we do. She's not going to put any weight on because she's not going to get any. That's mine too. I'm sorry. Quit reaching over to my plate. I'll bite your hand.

[Brett]

You're my perfect diet plate.

[Brady]

I don't find her bathroom Espanados and she'll be able to get her peace.

[John Holmberg]

And then she can run and get a grab. But if he'll take the whole thing with him. You're skinny. You look hungry. I'm gonna take the pie to the bathroom. Yeah. I don't. I don't find. I. I find her more annoying than I do attractive. She's okay, but I don't get the hype. And I don't. She's got hotter friends.

[Brady]

Have you seen Travis's ex girlfriends? They're a hell of a lot better.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

And a lot different too.

[John Holmberg]

Bubble butts.

[Rich]

So obviously he loves her for her.

[John Holmberg]

Yuck. I don't know what's wrong with them. CTE is a hell of a thing. Wow. Yeah. The gross. The only thing worse may be Patrick Mahomes wife. Because she tries to compete with it and it gets goofier and looking every day.

[Rich]

How can you sit there looking like you look?

[John Holmberg]

Because that's why. Because I can't again when I've got a better ass than that woman. And she's known for her body. It's like I'm not. I'm not holding back.

[Rich]

Did not know for her body. She over singing.

[John Holmberg]

She's. She's trying to be a sex. She wears those big diapers on stage.

[Brett]

I do wear that like swimsuit.

[John Holmberg]

The ones that's Travis's.

[Brady]

That's one of them.

[John Holmberg]

And she is curvy. She.

[Rich]

She looks mean.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Good. She can put you get into a little wrestling match.

[Brady]

There you go.

[John Holmberg]

Look at the curves on her.

[Rich]

Well, she's sticking it out.

[John Holmberg]

No, she isn't.

[Rich]

Yes she is.

[Brady]

No El Natural.

[John Holmberg]

That's the way it works. Look at this one. Damn. Damn. Every one of those. Like we're looking at Travis's hit list. And then.

[Brady]

Here we go.

[John Holmberg]

There's last place.

[Rich]

Oh, no winner. He's got you in the boobs department. Right there. Those are.

[John Holmberg]

I could I.

[Brady]

Those are pushed up.

[John Holmberg]

But look. I can get one of those specialty. Those are too hammer These pecs in the air and get a little cleavage like that too. Count on it.

[Rich]

You guys are just. You're mean and nasty.

[John Holmberg]

Yuck. Well, at least I don't want to be a person.

[Brady]

There's another one.

[John Holmberg]

At least we're not a fan aspect. That girl he dated before is great.

[Rich]

He just looks mean though.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I like that.

[Brett]

Better than looking on that bench. That dominatrix.

[John Holmberg]

Better than having get whipped like an R word. Hair. That bowl haircut that whatever those bangs are doing. Yeah. Wow. She's horrible. Dale, don't fight us on this. We're right.

[Rich]

Randy, you with me?

[Brady]

This one. This one said Holmberg would shower naked with Taylor to show off he has a nicer ass.

[John Holmberg]

That's true. Like, you want to wash this? What? Oh, I know. You wouldn't recognize it. It's an ass. You don't have one. You want to wash mine? Know what it feels like to wash a sweet, sweet, tight ass? It's beautiful. I mean, next to hers. Jesus. God. I go. Did you have like some sort of weird surgery or an infection? Had to cut that whole thing off. Were you planed at one point?

[Rich]

Would you let her give you a rose, bud?

[Brady]

Sure would.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I mean, that changes everything. I might. Because then she'd actually get to play with an ass for real. It's like giving her.

[Brady]

She'll know what it is.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It's like giving a kid in Nairobi some food. You're just happy to see him enjoying it for the first time. Anyway, I'm not a fan of hers. That's it. Dale's here. He's going now. You're done. Thursday's in the books. It's 10:30. 13. Larry's coming up next. You guys have yourselves a fantastic day. We'll see you tomorrow. Right here in the morning. Segna Solo, Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.