Episode Overview
Podcast: Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona
Episode: 02-20-26 - Brady Report - Escaped Cow - Chocolate Cronk - KlonDick Bar - Jan 2006 - BO
Date: February 20, 2026
Hosts/Panel: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo, Eric, Co-host Dave, Byron
This lively episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness dives into a signature Brady Report, covering absurd and offbeat news stories with a heavy dose of humor and candid banter. Highlights include a daring cow escape in Montana, the Midwest's reputation as a hotspot for “chubby cities,” and a hilarious deep-dive into chocolate replicas of male anatomy as Valentine's gifts—culminating in an on-air brainstorming of the “Klondick Bar.” The hosts also explore curious facts about postage stamps, lawyer ethics, fashion spending, relationship choices, and more, all with irreverence and comic timing.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. America’s “Chubby” Cities
- [01:21-02:58] The guys joke about a report from Men's Fitness Magazine naming Chicago (not Milwaukee) as the top “chubby city” in the Midwest, with Texas boasting five of the top 25.
- Co-host Dave: “The Midwest has always been the mecca for chubby chasers.”
- Discussion about how rankings are determined (gym memberships, fast-food density, park space, etc.), with Phoenix not making the list.
- Brady: “Phoenix might be a lot of fast food stuff going on here. That’s what I’m saying, you get all the food still. But then you also got a gym every 10ft here.”
2. Escaped Cow in Montana
- [03:17-04:34] A black heifer escapes a slaughterhouse in Great Falls, Montana, dodges cars, crosses train tracks, swims the icy Missouri River, and outlasts tranquilizers before capture.
- Co-host Dave: “Police gave chase...cops kept following her. She handled it Hollywood style by running across some train tracks just seconds before the locomotive.”
- Brady: “That cow that ran away needs to be set up as an example and whipped and then eaten on television. Man.”
- The crew jokes about the intelligence of cows and the ethics of slaughterhouses.
3. Weird Laws & Wordplay: The Lawyer-Client Sex Ban
- [05:52-06:44] Coverage of the DC Bar Association’s pushback on an outright sex ban between lawyers and clients due to conflicts of interest, including euphemisms used in legal codes.
- Co-host Dave: “Instead, they want...a strong warning that mounting one’s client could create a conflict of interest.”
- Brady: “Deposits and withdrawals...they’re slimy.”
4. U.S. Postage Stamp Tidbits
- [06:44-07:41] News about stamp prices rising, stamp-collecting trivia, and the Elvis stamp as all-time bestseller.
- Brady: “I did that last week.” (on buying 37-cent stamps before the price hike).
- Co-host Dave: “Elvis stamp in 1993—124 million of them were made, baby.”
5. Valentine’s Day Gag Gifts: The Chocolate Cronk (or Schwantz)
- [07:58-14:03, 20:26-22:01] Extended, hilarious segment on “Clone-A-Willy” kits and the new chocolate cast version as a personalized Valentine’s treat. The discussion gets wild:
- Co-host Dave: “Now you can get a chocolate replica of your manhood...a home kit that lets you make a delicious life-size milk chocolate replica.”
- Brady: “Would you eat your own schwants if it was in the freezer? If it was delicious, chocolatey schwants?”
- The guys riff on whether they’d try their own and spiral into “what if stranded on a desert island?” scenarios.
- Eric: “You actually have to dip your unit in there?”
- Brady: “There’s no guy tracing it and doing like the dimensions of your unit. This will be great. Chocolate bar. I don’t know.”
- Crackups about “Klondick bars” (“Klondike” pun), sharing as Valentine’s gifts, and the questionable logistics of casting, eating, or gifting such chocolate.
6. Fashion Spending Study
- [14:32-15:42] Statistical look at how much money men and women spend on unworn clothes over their careers.
- Co-host Dave: “Average woman spends 22,655 bucks on clothes she never wears...guys will spend almost 14 grand on clothes we’ll never wear.”
7. Love vs. Great Sex: Relationship Survey
- [15:42-16:59] Survey data showing most people (especially women) choose a loving relationship over “great sex.”
- Brady: “If you’ve chosen loving, deep relationship over great sex, your gay.”
- Discussion questions whether the preferable combo (great sex and relationship) is as rare as people say.
8. Wacky Collectibles: The Del Monte $20 Bill
- [17:09-18:24] News of a misprinted $20 bill with a Del Monte banana sticker embedded under the ink, sold for $25,300.
- Brady: “That’s weird. 25 grand for a banana sticker on a dollar.”
9. Gross News: Urethritis as a New STD
- [18:24-19:50] Introduction of urethritis as an STD, research shows transmission via oral sex, with Brady chiming in on personal experience.
- Brady: “She was drinking and eating nerds. And a few got in there. No...that was the big urethra that Dr. Weber told me about.”
10. “Bad Police Work” and Jury Detectives
- [19:50-20:24] NJ jury finds 30 bags of crack hidden in a bloody jacket that cops had missed, causing the case to be reopened.
- Co-host Dave: “Big ups for the jury cracking that case.”
- Brady: “It got all the way to the jury...They found the crack.”
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- [03:23] Brady: “No, that’s why we eat them. That cow that ran away needs to be set up as an example and whipped and then eaten on television.”
- [08:56] Brady: “Would you eat your own schwants if it was in the freezer? If it was delicious, chocolatey schwants, would you melt it and dribble it down onto some ice cream?”
- [12:19] Brady: “Lie all you want, guys. You would try it once...You’d look, you’d do this shifty look right, look left. I could do it. You’d do it.”
- [17:09] Co-host Dave: “There’s actually a $20 bill where some of the ink is printed over the sticker.”
- [19:48] Co-host Dave: “Finally, a jury in Camden, New Jersey was examining a bloody jacket...hidden inside were 30 bags of crack the cops somehow missed.”
Segment Timestamps
- [01:21] – Midwest “Chubby City” Rankings
- [03:17] – Montana Cow Escape Story
- [05:52] – Lawyer-Client Sex Ban Review
- [06:44] – U.S. Stamp Price Increase & Trivia
- [07:58] – Chocolate Cronk / Novelty Valentine’s Gift Deep Dive
- [14:32] – Fashion Spending Stats
- [15:42] – Love vs. Great Sex Survey Debate
- [17:09] – The Del Monte $20 Bill Story
- [18:24] – Urethritis: The “New” STD
- [19:50] – Jury Finds Crack in Evidence Jacket
- [20:26-22:01] – “Klondick Bar” Jokes & Gift Ideas
Tone & Style
The episode is quintessentially irreverent, brash, and quick-witted, with conversational riffing, occasionally raunchy humor, and a non-stop flow of unscripted one-liners. The group’s easy rapport and willingness to lean into the absurd make even the weirdest news stories hilarious and memorable.
Quick Reference: Top Moments
| Timestamp | Topic | Quote/Highlight | |-----------|-------|-----------------| | 03:23 | Cow Escape | “That cow that ran away needs to be set up as an example and whipped and then eaten on television.” - Brady | | 08:56 | Chocolate Cronk | “Would you eat your own schwants if it was in the freezer?” - Brady | | 12:19 | Trying Chocolate Models | “Lie all you want, guys. You would try it once.” - Brady | | 17:09 | $20 Banana Bill | “There’s actually a $20 bill with the ink over the sticker.” - Co-host Dave | | 19:50 | Jury Detective | “Hidden inside the jacket were 30 bags of crack the cops somehow missed.” - Co-host Dave |