02-20-26 - Comedian Bob Marley - In Studio - August 2005 - BO

Summary

Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – Bob Marley In Studio (August 2005)

Date: February 20, 2026
Location: 98 KUPD, Arizona
Guest: Comedian Bob Marley
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Brett Vesely, Dick Toledo, Byron

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Episode Overview

This episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness features stand-up comedian Bob Marley in studio, bringing raw, rapid-fire stories about family life, parenting, childhood in Maine, and the absurdity of growing up. The team riffs along with Marley, who unleashes a torrent of vivid comedic tales ranging from dealing with kids’ TV shows to the chaotic dynamics of his own parents. The energy stays high as Marley recounts personal and relatable stories that resonate with everyone who’s struggled with parents, children, or just family weirdness.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Kids, Parenting, and Absurd Children's TV ([01:12]–[05:47])

• Bob Marley dives into the weirdness of children’s programming:

  • Boohbahs and Teletubbies: Marley describes the strangeness and almost hypnotic nature of kids’ shows, likening them to “dead animals on the road or a stripper that’s like 400 lbs—you gotta watch it” ([01:44], Bob Marley).
  • The “Boo” needs to be kept on in the background for background harmony among the crew ([01:19], Brady).
  • His own experience with a Boohbah toy at Christmas goes from fear to fascination ([01:25], Bob Marley).
  • Kids TV characters: “They’re like little Teletubbies without things on their head. And maybe not as gay. I don't know.” ([02:03], Bob Marley).

• Children waking you up at night:

  • Marley details being startled by his young daughter looming at his bedside at night, referencing horror movies—“She frightens me. […] What's she doing, sizing me up for the trunk or something?” ([02:28], Bob Marley).

• Childhood nostalgia and revisiting parental quirks:

  • Marley mocks the horror of sharing his parents’ bed as a child—a far cry from comfort due to worn-out nightgowns and awkward memories ([03:10]).

2. The Trauma of Kids’ Music and Cartoons ([04:07]–[05:47])

• Turning the TV channel wars of old vs. now:

  • Marley rants about losing control of his own TV and car to his kids’ shows: “You know who I’ve got a beef with? The Wiggles. I will fight every Wiggle there is.” ([04:35], Bob Marley).
  • “Mashed banana, mash banana—pound you right in the head, Wiggle, you little wiggly son of a…” ([04:45], Bob Marley).

• On dangerous car seat installation and safety compared to the loose 1970s:

  • Marley riffs on the absurd complexity of modern car seats compared to sliding around the dashboard as a child ([05:07]).
  • “She’s strapped into that car seat like Hannibal Lecter back there” ([04:54], Bob Marley).
  • Hilarious escalation: “Going two, three miles an hour in the breakdown lane with cones duct-taped to the back of the truck…but back in the day, I’d go 180 miles an hour through a school zone. There’s hookers in the backseat doing blow, Ted Kennedy’s passed out next to me wearing scuba gear.” ([05:29], Bob Marley).

3. Growing Up With a Hardass Dad ([07:09]–[11:10])

• Old school discipline:

  • Marley describes trying to switch off his dad’s TV (“60 Minutes”) to watch cartoons and his dad threatening him: “You’ll watch Scooby-Doo when you get back from the hospital.” ([07:06], Bob Marley).
  • His father’s rage is universally relatable: “My dad was one of these dads that looked like his head was going to explode…” ([07:23], Bob Marley).

• Above ground pool lore:

  • The secret sign of financial success: The Gibraltar above ground pool, complete with duct-taped warning signs (“No horseplay. No alcoholic beverages. No screwing around in general.”) ([08:13], Bob Marley).
  • Story about a neighbor diving and his dad yanking him out: “Know what’s gonna happen to you, Johnson…you’re gonna crack your head open and then you’re gonna wonder what happened.” ([08:42], Bob Marley).

• Household chores mythology:

  • Rant on proper garden hose coiling technique, modeled and taught with “the hoser hanger upper” ([09:31]).
  • Dad’s laziness: “You ever have to do stuff for your dad just because you had your shoes on?... Hey, you got your shoes on right?… Go outside and pave the driveway…” ([10:21], Bob Marley).

4. Wild Family Stories: The Bumblebee Incident ([11:10]–[15:52])

• Dad gets stung in the…
  • Over-the-top anecdote: Marley’s dad is stung by a bumblebee “in the balls,” resulting in a farcical emergency. The description is as physical as it is visual. “I was in the house, and this is what I heard: ‘Ow. Let go of me. Back off.’” ([11:10], Bob Marley).
  • His mother’s confused reaction: “I think he wants to go to the mall. He never wants to go to the mall.” ([12:05], Bob Marley).
  • The aftermath: His mother refuses to let Marley Sr. in the house “with those big balls”—out of concern for her good china ([14:18], Bob Marley).
  • The punchline: “If you died at that point, we would need two pall bearers and two ball bearers.” ([15:21], Bob Marley).

5. Telemarketer Torture and Further Parental Madness ([16:45]–[20:19])

• Marley’s pranks on telemarketers:

  • Faking chaos in the house and playing with phone scammers (“Richard, I am going to stab you in the eye!”) ([17:09], Bob Marley).
  • Reminiscing about his dad’s paranoia: thought Sears was tapping the house for a $50 pool skimmer debt and ranted on the phone ([18:15]).

• Family road trips and accidental disasters:

  • Trekking to Martha’s Vineyard, his mother’s constant “Are you hungry?” chorus, and digestive blowups (“I think some of those muffins are starting to peek out of my ass a little bit now…”) ([19:30], Bob Marley).
  • Sound effects and bodily function jokes as only Marley can deliver ([20:20]).

6. Family Legacy and Audience Rapport ([21:02]–[24:47])

• Trying to call Marley’s mom live:

  • Banter about calling his mother, concerns about revealing her number, and her schedule at the YMCA swim class ([21:41]).
  • Voicemail message: “Ma, it's me. I'm on the radio in Phoenix… We were just concerned, Marcia, if there was a muffin poking out or not.” ([22:21]–[22:39], Bob Marley, Brady).

• Reflections on family and performing:

  • Marley laughs about his mother’s attendance at the Tempe Improv, her reactions, and small-town gossip ([22:54], Bob Marley).
  • His mother’s review: “You’re up there talking about me and then you start in with the language and effin’, that’s nice… She’s doing the rosary in between.” ([23:18], Bob Marley).

• **Marley plugs upcoming shows and his website (“bmarly.com”) and jokes about potential sponsorships (“Gibraltar Pool. Yeah, I would love to do it, man.”) ([24:00], Bob Marley).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “They’re like little Teletubbies without things on their head. And maybe not as gay. I don’t know...”
    – Bob Marley, [02:03]

• “She frightens me. I’m dead sick. You ever wake up in the middle of the night and your kids just standing next to the bed like Carol Ann from Poltergeist?”
    – Bob Marley, [02:28]

• “I will fight every Wiggle there is. I don’t care if that purple one knows karate. Bring it on, Jeff!”
    – Bob Marley, [04:35]

• “She’s strapped into that car seat like Hannibal Lecter back there.”
    – Bob Marley, [04:54]

• “Going two, three miles an hour in the breakdown lane with cones duct taped to the back of the truck... but back in the day, I’d go 180 miles an hour through a school zone. There’s hookers in the backseat doing blow, Ted Kennedy’s passed out next to me wearing scuba gear.”
    – Bob Marley, [05:29]

• “‘If you died at that point, we would have to have two pallbearers and two ball bearers.’”
    – Bob Marley, [15:21]

• “I think some of those muffins are starting to peek out of my ass a little bit now…”
    – Bob Marley, quoting his mother, [19:30]

• Mother’s review after his show: “You’re up there talking about me and then you start in with the language and effing—that’s nice.”
    – Bob Marley, [23:18]

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Notable Segments & Timestamps

• [01:12]–[02:10]: Boohbahs and kids’ TV critique
• [02:28]–[03:27]: Childhood memories of sleeping between parents
• [04:07]–[04:52]: The Wiggles and cartoon rage
• [05:07]–[05:47]: Car seat and parenting insanity
• [07:09]–[08:13]: Losing the TV remote to kids, parental discipline
• [08:13]–[09:58]: Above ground pool, poolside warnings, and neighborhood lore
• [11:10]–[15:52]: The infamous bumblebee incident
• [16:45]–[17:41]: Telemarketer prank calls
• [19:30]–[20:20]: Martha’s Vineyard, muffin disaster
• [21:02]–[22:49]: Attempt to call Marley’s mom live
• [22:54]–[23:53]: Family at the Tempe Improv
• [24:00]–[24:47]: End of show, plugs, and sponsor jokes

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Tone & Style

The tone is rapid, punchy, and relatable—a blend of blue-collar family sarcasm, vivid storytelling, and self-deprecating wit. Marley’s stand-up persona shines as he transforms everyday horrors and hilarities of family into universally understood comedy, with the hosts gamely teasing, riffing, and amplifying the madness.

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a masterclass in high-energy, nostalgic stand-up storytelling, blending observational comedy with the chaos of real family life. Bob Marley’s outrageous stories and the crew’s spontaneous banter guarantee plenty of hard laughs for anyone who has ever dealt with parents, kids, or the bizarre detritus of American family culture. Perfect for listeners who need catharsis about their own family disasters.

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For more Bob Marley:

• Tour and audio clips at bmarly.com
• Catch him this weekend at the Tempe Improv
• No spam—just laughs!

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

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[Bob Marley]

Together, let's drive the best of Homburg's morning sickness.

[Brady]

Bob Marley is here. Bob, welcome to the Booba.

[Brett Vesely]

That's right. He already knew about.

[Bob Marley]

I'm down with the boo. Bob.

[Brady]

Yeah, we have to keep it on in the background because we feel like we're harmonizing.

[Bob Marley]

I have a.

[Brady]

We feel like we're missing something if we don't watch the.

[Bob Marley]

My mother bought my one year old one for Christmas and we turn it on in the middle of Christmas morning and the thing goes. It just sat there and then his head pops up and he goes. He starts spinning around and it starts running and I was immediately frightened, but I was drawn to it.

[Brady]

That's how we are with the show.

[Bob Marley]

A dead animal on the road or like a stripper that's like £400, you gotta watch it.

[Brady]

You kind of want to eat it. Yeah, but you're not sure. We're talking about the dead thing in

[Bob Marley]

the road still, Right? I'm not sure.

[Byron]

They look like colored snowballs, you know, or what those.

[Bob Marley]

They're like little Teletubbies without things on their head. And maybe not as gay. Yeah. I don't know.

[Brady]

Borderline on the gay thing.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Byron]

The good thing though is when they pop their heads out, it's a fart sound.

[Bob Marley]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Brady]

It's Amazing how much snowballing actually goes on while this Abuba.

[Bob Marley]

It's excellent stuff.

[Brady]

It is. It's a great thing. How you been doing?

[Bob Marley]

I've been good. My kids enjoy. I got two kids and you know, I got the four year old. I don't know if you guys have my.

[Brady]

She's creepy.

[Bob Marley]

You kid. She frightens me. I'm dead sick. You ever wake up in the middle of the night and your kids just standing next to the bed like Carol Ann from Poltergeist? Yes. I mean, what's she doing? Sizing me up for the trunk or something? I rolled over and I was like, hey, dad. And I'm like, yes. What is it, Chucky? She's like, you want to play a game? Like, yeah. It's called dad phones the police. What are you doing? Little Lizzie Borden or whatever, standing in the room. Why did you do it?

[Byron]

She just had to go to the bathroom or something.

[Bob Marley]

I don't know. Whatever it is, yeah. I want to sleep with you. I want to sleep with you and Mom. Did you ever do that as a kid? Go in your parents room? Why? I mean, looking back on it. Look at your parents right now.

[Byron]

I still do when I go home.

[Brady]

Yeah, Brady does.

[Bob Marley]

That's what I mean by who would want to. I look at my parents and then I think to myself, why would I ever want to sleep between those two people? I mean, my dad with those boxer shorts with the racing stripes. And my mother with that nightgown. You remember the Mama nightie? Remember the one that your mother had? That nightie she should have thrown away about 12 years ago.

[Byron]

Yes.

[Bob Marley]

It's complete. You know that gown, she's washed it too many times. This always playing completely see through at this point. Showing you way too much of Mama. Did you ever catch her in the Brad Beaconist hallway light? Mama turns and the mama boob is Illuminato. Yeah. My mother be like, where'd you kids go tonight? I know where you didn't go nightgown shopping down at sea. Is Mama.

[Brady]

Amazing how Marvin gave ruined that old thing, isn't it? Sorry about that.

[Byron]

Nightgown turns into rice paper.

[Bob Marley]

Oh, it does.

[Byron]

So weather.

[Bob Marley]

Oh, yeah, yeah. And she's got the whole mama situation that you don't want to see. Yeah. It's just not right, you know? And now I have kids, but they drive me nuts too. I'm afraid of the kids. I'll be sitting there with a remote control and she'll walk in and rip it out of my hand and Just change the channel right onto the Booba or the Elmo or the Door of the Horror, whatever her name is. Yeah, all those Wiggles. I'll tell you one I got. You know who I got a beef with? With those Wiggles. Yeah, line them up. I will fight every Wiggle there is. I don't care if that purple one knows karate. Bring it on, Jeff. You bring it on, sleepy, whatever your name is. Yeah, the Wiggles. Those guys. Because I can't get the songs out of my head. Mashed banana. Mash banana. Pound you right in the head. Wiggle. You a little wiggly son of a. Yeah.

[Byron]

Do you have to play it in the car?

[Bob Marley]

Oh, yeah. In the. In the vehicle. And I freak out, and I. Because the. The DVD player's behind me and I can't put it in because whoever made the DVD decided it would be better, that if I was going 85 down the freeway, I should be steering with my knee. With my Burger King Whopper strewn across the front seat. Maybe I could become a circus act and put the disc in behind me. And I'm freaking out. My wife goes, you don't even need to yell about it. Why don't you just give her the disc? She's in the back. She could put it. She can't put it in. She's strapped into that car seat like Hannibal Lecter back there. You know that car seat? I mean, that's. Have you ever tried to put a car seat in? No, it's insane. You did it. I mean, it's like the directions freak you out because you read. When I was a kid, we didn't even have it. We didn't have seatbelts. Yeah. My dad would put me up on the dashboard like a little Jesus. Just let me float around my guy. You'll sit there, take it like a man. We go.

[Brett Vesely]

You know what I mean?

[Brady]

But now.

[Bob Marley]

Now it's in the back seat, and you read the directions. If the car seat moves half an inch, your child could snap its neck and die. So I, like, drilled it into the seat. Yeah, I put a helmet on the kid. I got a helmet. The wife's got a helmet. We look like the Coyotes going to an away game. I'm going two, three miles an hour in the breakdown lane with cones duct taped to the back of the truck. When I was single, I didn't care how I drove. I would go 180 miles an hour through a school zone. There's hookers in the backseat doing blow. Ted Kennedy's passed out next to Me wearing scuba gear. Yeah, yeah. I got to be ready for anything here. I never know what's gonna happen. Not my fault she can't swim with a car on her head. I had scuba gear on my side. Now let's go on to Chicago and win there. No, but these, you know, the kid will change the remote control and I won't say anything about it. My wife will come out of nowhere and be like, oh, it's okay, just let her do it. She's having a bad day. She's having a bad day. I'm having a bad day. And I pay for all this stuff.

[Byron]

How could her day be bad?

[Bob Marley]

Exactly. She gets up and, you know, does whatever she eats Froot Loops and watches poop.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Bob Marley]

But then I'll say, you know, do you think we could have got away with changing the channel when our debt with our dad. I mean, imagine your dad's watching.

[Brady]

What was the remote control when my dad. That's right when I was growing up, my. Get up and turn it, go over

[Bob Marley]

there and flick the channel, flip it back on.

[Byron]

Edward penis hands.

[Bob Marley]

Change that. Change the knob. I mean, if I went over to the TV and my dad was watching 60 Minutes and I proclaimed to him that we will now be watching Scooby Doo, my dad would be like, you'll watch Scooby Doo when you get back from the hospital. You want to watch Scooby Doo, Get a job, work 85 hours a week, go down to Sears, buy a 27 inch Zenith console, put it in your bedroom and watch Scooby Doo until the cows come home. My dad was right off the deep end. My dad was one of these dads that looked like his head was going to explode. And I would try not to laugh at him. And it would make it worse. I'd have a snot bubble coming out of my nose and he would just stare at me and go, keep it up. You keep it up and then you are going to wonder what happened. That was his big saying. You're gonna wonder what every kid in the neighborhood was frightened about my dad. They would run for. We had an above ground pool, a 16 by 20 foot, 4ft deep Gibraltar with the exterior pool filter that sounded like a 747 Boeing. Nothing screams financial success like the above ground pool.

[Byron]

It's when you hit it big.

[Bob Marley]

Yeah. And my dad would walk around the exterior of the pool and duct tape, handwritten signs about the pool. No messing around. No, no, no horseplay. No horseplay. No alcoholic beverages. And then he had another sign that Just said, no screwing around in general. That was one sign. Just in general. We had this one kid, Johnny Johnson, lived two houses down. Was walking around the outside of the pool. You know, it's about four inches wide, right? And he dove into the pool. And my dad, like a Tyrannosaurus rex, he came through. It was like slow motion. He reached into the pool and grabbed the kid by his hair. He goes, hey, Johnson, what does that say? And the Johnson kid was like, it says, no diving, but yet you dive. Johnson. It says, no diving, but yet you dive. Know what's gonna happen to you, Johnson? You're gonna crack your head open. You're gonna be wearing a helmet, riding a short bus to school, and then you're gonna wonder what happened. And where will I be? I'll be screwed. Your parents will take me to the farm. You think I got insurance on this? Gibraltar Johnson? I haven't seen the Johnson kid since. Haven't seen the Johnson kid since. I mean, my dad would freak out about the garden hose. You ever use the garden hose and not roll it up the right way? My dad would come home and slam the car door, and I'd go, hey, dad, what's up? What's up? What's up? As I work all day, I come home and that garden hose is crawling around the backyard like an anaconda. Put it back. Then he showed us. I showed you how to roll it up. He ever show you how to roll a guard? How he would, like, on the elbow to hand, the elbow to wrist, he'd lock it. I showed you how to coil it. You coil it, and then you put it over here on the hoser hanger upper. But you don't do that.

[Byron]

That and extension cords, probably.

[Bob Marley]

Oh, yeah, extension cord. Same. The same coilage. And my dad would be like. But he ever run the scenario with you, how he thought you did it? But you don't do that. You walk over the hose and you take it, you throw it, and then you go, screw dad. That's what you kids do, because it's

[Byron]

all about attacking him.

[Bob Marley]

Oh, exactly.

[Brady]

You and I had the same father.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, my God.

[Brady]

Yours had an accent.

[Bob Marley]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Brady]

Mine is just nuts.

[Bob Marley]

My dad was lazy, too. You ever have to do stuff for your dad just because you had your shoes on? Oh, yeah. I mean, what kind of was that? Yeah. Hey, you got your shoes on, right? Go outside and pave the driveway and put 3.3vials of HTH ph chemical in the Gibraltar while you're up. While you're.

[Byron]

Did he Build a deck around the Gibraltar.

[Bob Marley]

He had a deck around the Gibraltar that. But that was like our running post so we could cannonball.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Bob Marley]

You know what I mean? And the water would come out of the back, and they. He'd be like, do you see 4 gallons of water in your mother's pansies now? Because you have to cannonball. Do I look like a man who is on the edge?

[Byron]

I mean, his vision of his pool is like just a soaking pool.

[Bob Marley]

Oh, my word. Can I tell you a true story? One time my dad got all this crap.

[Brady]

Up until now.

[Bob Marley]

This is all true. But this is. This is so ridiculous. This next thing I'm gonna tell you is so ridiculous that there's no way it could be true. Okay, One time, my dad got stung in the balls by a bumblebee. And I. I mean, I was in the house, and this is what I heard. Ow. Let go of me. Back off. And so I looked out the window. My dad was dancing around, punching himself in the crotch. And so my mother's freaking out. Your father's gone crazy. Lock the door. Call the police. It's Nam flashbacks. He wasn't a nom. So he looks up. I went over it. I locked the door, right? And my dad comes banging on the door. I got stung in the balls. And my mother goes, I think he wants to go to the mall. He never wants to go to the mall. This is quick. Hear the words you say sometimes.

[Brett Vesely]

I mean, who talks like that? 98k upd hey, it's Brett Vesely, and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way to do that?

[Byron]

Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one. Tell him not to put himself at risk and come into MMP Guns, where he'll get a fair offer and he can rest easy knowing it's not getting into the wrong hands.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[Byron]

Easy. Legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it all online. It's really that simple.

[Brett Vesely]

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[Bob Marley]

Holmberg's Morning Sickness. So he had an allergic reaction and they begin to swell. And when I say swell, I don't mean like, I mean like. And my mother was like, oh my God, look at your father's balls. I said, no, I'm still trying to get you and that nightie out of my mind, right? So she, she goes, go to Rite Aid. I go, what? She goes, go down to the Walgreens quickly. I said, what? She goes, run to the pharmacy. And I that's it. There's no other instructions. Just run up there. What do I do when I get there? Just run in. Woo. My dad's got some big balls back at the house. Come on, let's load up.

[Byron]

Because how old were you?

[Bob Marley]

I was like 12. I'm like, I mean, what am I looking for at the Walgreens? That's gonna, yeah, ball be gone or something? Am I supposed to be. I got a bag of ice. I don't know what to get. I came home, I kicked the door and I go, where is Iman? She goes, he's in the backyard. I did not let him in the house with those big balls. I said, why? And there's her answer. And I still don't know what it means. She goes, because I have good china. That's why. So in her, in her mind, she thought, certainly once he got those monstrosities through the door jam, his next piece business on his agenda would be to China. That would be the breaker plate. I never liked that place setting. I'll charge this whole Place with my big boleros. Good times at the Marley house.

[Byron]

Now, did it finally go down? Did you score at Walgreens?

[Bob Marley]

They, they, they, they. They just started.

[Brett Vesely]

They.

[Bob Marley]

They went down. I don't know how, but, like, kids in the neighborhood would come over. Why? Finally the Johnson kid came back.

[Byron]

Now, did he event. Did you laugh or. You probably.

[Bob Marley]

Oh, my word. And my dad was like, keep it up. You keep it up. And you're gonna wonder what happened when these go away. But I did. I did get him laughing, because at this point, I looked him. I said, dad, you know what? If you died at that point, we would have to have two pallbearers and two ball bearers. We'd have to have a. We'd have to have a hearse with, like, an extension on each side. Oh, God. Like one of those mobile homes that kicks out. The side kicks out. The priest would be, like, throwing holy water like, oh, over there on that side, too. Hallelujah.

[Byron]

Didn't teach not to work in the yard commando ever.

[Bob Marley]

Oh, yeah.

[Brady]

What was he doing with his balls out in the first place?

[Bob Marley]

He had a big stomach, and he wear these Bermuda shorts that would pull up to his nipples, and then the bottom of the Bermuda shirt would hang out a little bit, and you would just kind of see, like, I was right up the hole. I animated it. I had it animated on my website. It's bmarley.com. get on it if you want to go on it. Look for. It's a. It's at the end of this, like, little segment that we did.

[Byron]

And so you can see how a bee would think that's just a pollen jackpot.

[Bob Marley]

Oh, y. Well, you know, those Bermuda shorts, they're very colorful, you know? So he would be like, let's go check it out.

[Brady]

Then he stole your father's flower.

[Bob Marley]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Brady]

Beautiful.

[Bob Marley]

Oh, my God. It's. Yeah, it's great. Crazy. Crazy. Growing up.

[Brady]

We can't get on your website. You're gonna. You're gonna email us like crazy. You gotta sign up.

[Bob Marley]

Oh, yeah. All right. You. Well, no, no, I don't do that. No spam. I'm spam free.

[Brady]

Oh, that's what it says.

[Bob Marley]

Scroll down and say, sign up for

[Brady]

more spam right there. When you.

[Bob Marley]

Yes. Sign up to be polluted, they can't call the house anymore. I used to love it when they called the house because I would totally mess around. He goes, oh, yeah. This is Darius calling from mci. How you doing? I'm like, pretty good. Wait one second, please. Put that down. You put that down, Richard. I'm sorry, Darius. I have about 12 kids over here and they just dropped me. And he goes, yeah, Anyway, MCI is going to offer you five cents off.

[Byron]

Listen.

[Bob Marley]

And then I would let him go for a little bit and I'd be like, richard, you put that down, I am going to stab you in the eye. I'm sorry, Darius. Go ahead. Yeah, mci. And then I'd put it down and be like, a fight. You already got it. That would have kicked the crap out of you. You're dead now, aren't you? I'm sorry. Go ahead, Darius. And he's been like, yeah, mci. I'm like, darius, I've been messing with you for like, the last couple minutes, Darius. And you're not gonna call the police or anything? He's like, no, I'm trying to sell you something. I know you are. Click. Goodbye, crazy Darius. The worst one.

[Brady]

I dealt with American Expressor recently, and a lady had asthma so bad on the phone, she's trying to go through her thing. Do you have to sneeze? No.

[Bob Marley]

Oh, my God.

[Brady]

And you can't be mean to her because she's got a disability now. You're just a dick if you just say, I don't want anything.

[Bob Marley]

She's got a problem. Yeah.

[Byron]

You don't want the Travelers Insurance?

[Brady]

No, I got it.

[Bob Marley]

I couldn't help it.

[Brady]

I don't even travel. I had to. I think I got played. Hold on while I wheel over to the computer. It was awful, but I couldn't help it.

[Bob Marley]

I bought everything. She. My dad thought Sears was tapping the phone line because he owed him 50 bucks. And so what? Here's what happened. What? He'd be on the phone and we got called waiting when my mother didn't tell him about it. So the phone would beep and he. And he'd be talking to somebody go, I know what you says. I know you're piping in. I'm not giving you the 50 bucks. I bought a pool skimmer. It doesn't work. You can go to he double hockey stick. Eat it. Says, my parents are absolutely crazy. I brought him to Martha's Vineyard once for a show and my mother was in the backseat the whole ride down from. We're living in Maine. It's like a three hour drive. And my mother's like, I'd like to go, are you hungry? I'm hungry. Anybody hungry? You're hungry. Because I'm hungry. You're hungry. And my dad's in the Front seat. He goes, will you do something about this? At this point, my mother's a situation for him, right? Do something about this back here. So I ran into the Dunkin Donuts, and I got her a couple muffins, right? Then I came out, and she got on the boat to go to the island, to Martha's Vineyard, right? And my mother goes, oh, they have clam chowder. I love chowder. My dad goes, there. She goes, spend, spend, spend. Like, if they get bust, a bowl of chowder is gonna bust you out. So I'm doing a gig for Carly Simon out there, right? She had a club. So we get off the boat, we're walking down the wharf, me and my dad. And from behind, this is what I hear from my mother. Oh, gee. Oh, Lord, no. Somebody safe. Oh, my God. And I turn around, and my dad goes, here we go. Here we go. I turn around and my mother is on a bench seat and her body is contorted and she's. And my dad goes, what is wrong? She goes, I had those chowder and some of those muffins. And I think some of those muffins are starting to peek out of my ass a little bit now, folks, if you're driving around now, listening. I desperately wish I could make up the last following phrase, but that is exactly what came out of my mother's mouth. I think some of those muffins are starting to peek out of my rear end. My dad goes, well, get up and walk to the hotel. And we will. I can't get off this bench. There'll be a big surprise.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, God.

[Bob Marley]

Would you. She goes, go. My mother goes, go rent a car. So we went and rented a vehicle. Have you ever had to drive your mother in a vehicle? Have you ever had to rent a car? Because possibly your mother might go to the bathroom in her pants. No, that's not a reason for renting a car. She was able to hold it, huh? Yeah. Oh, yeah. And then we went and rented a car, and my dad went to move her into the vehicle, and when he did, I heard a noise. It was. It was awful. It was like. And my dad was like, there's a ship coming in. I'm like, almost, dad, you're off by a consonant, but you're kind of close. It was just. It was horrifying. This is what I live with. Can we call your parents? This is my life. Oh, yes, you want to. You can give my mother a call and her sell it.

[Byron]

I bought her Gibral pool. I want to see a couple of these.

[Bob Marley]

9970. You can't call my dad cuz he passed away. But you can call my mom.

[Brady]

We can't call him then.

[Bob Marley]

No. See if my mom's there though.

[Byron]

Look at our buddy. Strong Bear could probably call.

[Brady]

Yeah, we've got a psychic. Is that a nine? The second one there?

[Bob Marley]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Two.

[Bob Marley]

Two. Yeah, yeah. I don't want to actually say the number. What's your name? Marcia.

[Byron]

I'll let you.

[Bob Marley]

Marsha, you have entered an invalid account.

[Byron]

Give me some pictures.

[Bob Marley]

By 20 foot, the above ground beauty.

[Byron]

Look at that gem.

[Bob Marley]

Oh, yeah.

[Brady]

Oh, that's a nice rectangular.

[Bob Marley]

Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. What's her name? Marcia. All right. She might be at swimming class. She takes a class with several other women at the ywca.

[Brady]

I just want to hear.

[Bob Marley]

Up in Freeport, Maine, next to L.L. beans. We do all kinds of stretches. We do cat scratches and we do toe extenders. You have reached 87899. That's Mom.

[Brady]

Oh, that's too close. I almost gave the whole thing away there, didn't I?

[Bob Marley]

But if you leave a message, we'll be glad to call you back.

[Brady]

Sounds like she's 30 years old.

[Bob Marley]

Thank you. No, she's not. Ma, it's me. I'm on the radio in Phoenix with. Say hi, guys.

[Brady]

Hello, it's John and Brady.

[Bob Marley]

I was just telling these guys about you and dad and they were laughing hysterically. We're trying to get you. I don't have your cell on me. It's programmed into my cell. That's how we operate now. Everything's programmed in. I can't call you back because I don't know your number, cuz you're number 17. So.

[Brady]

We were just concerned, Marcia, if there was a muffin poking out or not.

[Bob Marley]

Yeah, we're. I was telling him about Martha's Vineyard, the trip.

[Brady]

Oh, good.

[Byron]

Enjoy swim class.

[Bob Marley]

All right. Love you, Ma.

[Brady]

It's Bob Marley. This weekend at the Tempe Improv.

[Bob Marley]

Yeah, it's a rip down there. You haven't been to the Tempe.

[Byron]

Tell the story right.

[Bob Marley]

Oh, she knows. Yeah, she goes to the club and she. Yeah, the first show she ever came to, she sat in the front row with all the people from the neighborhood. And she was right up front there and she was laughing until I started talking about her. And then she was giving me that, you know, she. Like she was gonna cut my throat off sign. Got it. And then I come up to her at the show. I said, you have a good. Did I have a good Time. Did I have a good time? I'm in the front row with all the people from the neighborhood. Bill and Sally Bitterman were there. Big people. The only couple on our block that has aluminum siding. Big people. And you're up there talking about me. And then you start in with the language and effing. That's nice. Effing this and effing that. That's nice. She's doing the rosary in between.

[Brady]

You got it right in the front row.

[Bob Marley]

Oh, my.

[Brady]

That's hilarious. Bob, you were the man.

[Bob Marley]

Thank you guys for having me.

[Brady]

You did the whole act.

[Bob Marley]

Yeah, I just.

[Brett Vesely]

I just.

[Bob Marley]

I always have fun. I just let it rip. You want some more free laughs? Go to bmarly.com and seriously, there's no strings attached. Just sign up. There's a lot of great MP3s. And the Tempe Improv. Great Club I've been doing.

[Brady]

Is there a link to the Darius at mci?

[Byron]

We need to get you a sponsorship, so. Gibraltar Pool.

[Bob Marley]

Yeah, I would love to do it, man. Yeah.

[Brady]

And then the whole end of your show, you can sell CDs in Gibraltar Pool. Gold, man. Gold.

[Bob Marley]

You want to get an installation of

[Byron]

the 16 by 24 for 99 down?

[Bob Marley]

Yeah. It comes with the duct tape lines on the side. Have you heard the pool filter? That's pretty subtle, dad. Goodbye. Good purchase.

[Byron]

Whisper mode.

[Bob Marley]

Yeah. Oh, my God. Hey. The Tempe Improv. Great club. I played 38 clubs last year and that was one of the rocking.

[Brady]

Never fails. Everybody comes here, says it's a blast. It really is. Tempeimprov.com you can get tickets or call 480-921-9877. Bob Marley. B Marley. M A R L E Y.com Bobby.

[Bob Marley]

Thank you, guys.

[Brady]

Absolutely. My stomach hurts. It's Bob Marley, everybody.

[Bob Marley]

It's out of control now.