02-21-25 - Ideas For Winning Nation In 4 Nations Face Off - Turkish Airport Closed Due To Suspected Alien Activity - Is John's Sister Trying To Kill His Uncle w/Some Janky Chinese Light Therapy

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode: February 21, 2025
Title: Ideas For Winning Nation In 4 Nations Face Off - Turkish Airport Closed Due To Suspected Alien Activity - Is John's Sister Trying To Kill His Uncle with Some Janky Chinese Light Therapy

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1. Four Nations Hockey Face Off: Boost or Bust for the NHL

The episode kicks off with a lively debate about the recent Four Nations Hockey Face Off, a tournament aiming to elevate hockey's popularity by showcasing top teams from four different nations. John Holmberg initiates the conversation by relaying a listener's unconventional idea:

John Holmberg [02:03]: "Each city gets to pass a law in the city of the team they beat for the Super Bowl. Like making incest legal in Kansas City if the Philadelphia Eagles win. How about that?"

This humorous suggestion underscores the show's satirical take on the measures some fans might propose to celebrate victories. The discussion quickly shifts to the tournament's potential impact on the NHL's long-term viewership:

John Holmberg [06:47]: "An assembly of the best players in the league playing at their best level... I think it actually hurt the NHL, if you ask me."

John argues that while the Face Off might create an initial spike in interest, it may not sustain hockey's growth. He emphasizes that regular season games, with their inherent intensity and stakes, are pivotal in maintaining and growing a sport's fan base.

John Holmberg [07:53]: "You might get a blip right off the bat. They realize hockey's a good game... but then it fades."

Brady Bogen and Bert Vesely counter his points by acknowledging the short-term benefits but expressing skepticism about long-term sustainability:

Brady Bogen [08:21]: "Gotta have content right?"

The panel collectively agrees that while innovative tournaments can attract new viewers, maintaining consistent and engaging content is essential for the NHL's enduring success.

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2. Turkish Airport UFO Sighting: Alien Activity or Advanced Stealth?

Transitioning from sports to the mysterious, the hosts delve into a recent UFO incident at Gaziantep Airport in Turkey. The episode details how pilots observed an unidentified flying object at 10,000 feet, prompting an unprecedented airport shutdown.

John Holmberg [17:08]: "An entire airport in the world was shut down for what they don't know was flying over their airport."

The UFO, not detectable by radar and moving erratically, baffled both pilots and air traffic control. The incident resulted in all flights being grounded for an hour as authorities attempted to identify the object.

John Holmberg [18:36]: "Officials from governments are like, we will have contact in the next two years... So they closed the incident."

The discussion speculates on the nature of the UFO, debating whether it was an advanced drone or genuinely extraterrestrial. John expresses skepticism about the official statement that "contact will happen before 2027," suggesting it might be a setup for inevitable alien encounters.

John Holmberg [21:21]: "If it's a drone, they'd find out. Why even bring up we're gonna have contact with aliens in a year and a half?"

The conversation humorously highlights the show's characteristic blend of skepticism and conspiracy theories, leaving listeners pondering the true nature of the Gaziantep UFO sighting.

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3. Family Drama: Is John's Sister Sabotaging Uncles with Chinese Light Therapy?

The episode takes a dramatic turn as John Holmberg opens up about a personal and troubling situation involving his sister and her unconventional healing methods. He recounts multiple instances where his sister allegedly used "Chinese Light Therapy" to harm family members, leading to the untimely deaths of his uncles.

John Holmberg [27:24]: "She’s turning men into uncles to die. This makes the documentary better."

John narrates chilling anecdotes, including his uncle Dennis's battle with deep vein thrombosis and how his sister's attempts to "heal" him backfired fatally.

John Holmberg [31:14]: "She's trying to kill people and she's shrinking a man. I'm watching a man shrink."

The hosts express concern over the sister's actions, questioning her competence and intentions. They discuss the dangers of untrained individuals using pseudo-medical devices, highlighting the tragic consequences of such actions.

John Holmberg [34:43]: "Every family's got someone who's been to Europe once and then starts saying things like, they're European. Why can't we just stick to Western medicine?"

The segment underscores the risks of alternative medicine practices devoid of scientific backing. John's desperation to protect his family members leads him to consider involving authorities, reflecting the severity of the familial conflict.

John Holmberg [35:03]: "She's an uncle killer. She's an uncle sad, but that's what I live with every day."

The discussion encapsulates themes of trust, family loyalty, and the perils of deviating from proven medical treatments, providing listeners with a poignant narrative amidst the show's usual banter.

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4. Additional Highlights: Musical Interlude and Community Announcements

After delving into serious topics, the show lightens the mood with musical discussions and community announcements. The hosts share their thoughts on various bands and music videos, intertwining humor with local event promotions.

Bert Vesely [35:47]: "Wake Up Song brought to you by Action Ride Shop. And tomorrow is the day."

They also highlight upcoming events, such as the grand opening of a new Action Ride Shop location, encouraging listeners to participate in community activities and engage with local businesses.

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Conclusion

This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness masterfully blends humor, personal storytelling, and current events to engage its Arizona audience. From debating the future of hockey to unraveling mysterious UFO sightings and navigating complex family dynamics, the hosts provide a multifaceted listening experience. Notable quotes and candid discussions ensure that both regular listeners and newcomers will find the content intriguing and entertaining.

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Notable Quotes:

• John Holmberg [02:03]: "Each city gets to pass a law in the city of the team they beat for the Super Bowl. Like making incest legal in Kansas City if the Philadelphia Eagles win. How about that?"

• John Holmberg [17:08]: "An entire airport in the world was shut down for what they don't know was flying over their airport."

• John Holmberg [31:14]: "She's trying to kill people and she's shrinking a man. I'm watching a man shrink."

• John Holmberg [35:03]: "She's an uncle killer. She's an uncle sad, but that's what I live with every day."

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This comprehensive summary encapsulates the episode's key discussions, providing an insightful overview for those who missed the live show.

Transcript

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[Brady]

Thought that was funny. You were laughing like a hyena when he said it.

[John Holmberg]

What the hell is wrong with you? Thank you quite kindly. Miles to nowhere. Busy show today. We've got Dave Draymond's gonna join us a little bit and he's bringing along Disturb's new single, which I don't know if as if it's probably available on the Internet, but he's acting like he can bust it here. So it's pretty cool. We're gonna get Dave on the phone, talk to him and Calando just text and said he wants to do the squares and I don't know, that's less for me to do today.

[Bert]

Doesn't he have a show coming up?

[John Holmberg]

No, he already did. It was the first of February.

[Bert]

That's right.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know, maybe he's got one. He does have the March show because they had to reschedule that. You're right. So he's got. It's. I thought it was a nice friendly thing. No, of course. That's what I was surprised by.

[Brady]

Sunday show.

[John Holmberg]

Sunday show he's doing and he's whoring. Yes. I just go through my emails, you know, during the break and I was kind of going through yesterday's stuff and I get this one. These are fun. The Hindsight videos are fun. It says, hey, John, I feel sorry for those dance Damn syrup sucking commie albino Eskimos coming to Boston tonight. They're gonna hear language they've never heard before. And when we boo their anthem, they'll know they'll need to leave. We're gonna bury those Snowback Mexicans. Hard time in Southie? Well, no, sorry. Kingfire didn't quite work out that way.

[Brady]

He was fired up.

[John Holmberg]

People like the idea of, you know, putting a law each team gets to like if your city wins, like the Super Bowl. The guy said, how about the super bowl, like, we make it so each city gets to pass a law in the city of the team they beat for the Super Bowl. I'm like, that would be awesome. Because, like, Philadelphia Eagles are playing Kansas City today for the right to make incest legal in Kansas City, which would be. You think about how, you know, subtle that would be. But then all of a sudden, all these people are starting to have inbred babies in Kansas City because it's legal, and I've been to Kansas City. The only thing stopping them is the law. They would do it. And then in Philadelphia, you, like, ban soap for a year. Oh, make the game 10 times better. Another one from last night. If these Canadian pricks win, let's make it so we have to call ham Canadian bacon. And then if we win, they have to call Canadian vacant bacon. Get to get the Canadian part off. I like that. It's, like, punishable by law. Cranston, who I went to high school, says, I know why your dad didn't take any videos of you or there's none of you as a kid. Because I don't think your dad wanted to document the transition. Screw you, Cranston. Cranston used to be my password to pretty much everything. The most unique name I could think of was Cranston munger. Throw a 69 or a 10 or an exclamation point at the end of Cranston Munger. And good luck guessing my password.

[Brady]

Yeah, there's only gonna be one Cranston Munger.

[John Holmberg]

And then some wacky Indian figured it out and stole my Netflix. Really? Break into Netflix once your password's been compromised, and I'm like, Cranston Munger 69, exclamation point. Somebody figured that out. Yeah, we have the address now in India. And I'm like, tip of the cap. That's imper. They even think the words Cranston and Munger are words. I have broken in with you. I went through his entire senior yearbook and found Cranston Munger. That is a great. That is a great password. So after that, I changed it to the other most unique name at Dobson. Cornelius Troup with an E. That thing got solved in, like, an hour. I lost my Peacock account and my phone because Cornelius troop 69, exclamation point didn't fly. So then I drifted away from people in high school, and now it's something completely different.

[Bert]

How many think. Tell me times you think they tried to put in Christy Greenway in there?

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's too obvious, but, yeah, do a Holmberg also got solved fairly quickly.

[Bert]

Oh, did it?

[John Holmberg]

So, John, I'm super interested in that murder mystery you were talking about, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna search coon murders. Could you tell me the names and. All right, look, John, if. Just go to azfamily.com youm don't have to search anything like that. And it's Kuhn, you son of a bitch. This guy says as a full time NHL fan, this Four nations tournament was the best thing that's happened to hockey in a long time. I really hope this helped gain a whole bunch of new hockey fans and showed people that this is the greatest league in the world and the greatest sport on the planet. My dream is that someday hockey is bigger than football. I'm really upset the USA lost. It was a badass game, but I'm gonna be grateful that it happened. Bailey. I disagree with that fact that it. Cause I've seen it too often these. When the best in the world play each other and that and everybody's eyes are on it and you wrap the flag around it, it's going to get eyes. It's not the sport that one. Although you might get a couple new fans. Nobody's going to watch Utah and Dallas play because of this. Because it's. It's flat champagne. You're. It's such a step down from what we just watched. I don't like when you're watching the greatest of all games. The next game's going to suck. You know, it's like Michael Jackson opening for Debars. It's just. It's not a thing. You can't do it. It's. You have to. That's why they do it in order. This was an epic, monumental one off. I don't think it's going to make the ratings for hockey sustainable long term. You might get a blip right off the bat. You might have the. If the Bruins play the Blackhawks on Saturday morning, you'll get some eyeballs going, oh, hockey was fun. And then you're going to watch and you go, oh, the intensity is missing. There's nothing on the line here. It's a regular season game. These teams are good, but. And then God forbid you get the cities no one cares about. Like Phoenix had that. If Phoenix was on national tv, it didn't matter. How great hockey can be, it's not happening. And hockey's handicapped by the fact that it's.

[Brady]

You pulled everyone in. It's one off.

[John Holmberg]

It's an anomaly. You're the flag All Stars playing. And we never see that all stars playing at 100%. You never. In baseball, basketball and football, you never see the greatest players in the game playing at their best level with each other. You'll see the best teams that year in the playoffs playing at high levels, but you'll never see the best. An assembly of the best players in the league. The All Stars playing to the death. Like, you just did it. And it makes this. It actually hurt the NHL, if you ask me. They're going to get an immediate spike. It's going to be great. But in the end, they're going to be like, oh, it's not as. It's comparably. It's not even close. And hockey is a great sport. When the Stanley cup happens, there's not much better than that. Those dudes are playing for their lives. And every game, you know, it's two to one. These dudes are just playing their asses off. But in the regular season, I don't think. I think it actually hurts the NHL. It hurts them long term, or it doesn't necessarily hurt them, but it doesn't help them.

[Bert]

Well, you know, like you said, it's a nice spike for now, huge spike.

[John Holmberg]

For now, but you'll take it. That's about.

[Bert]

That's about it.

[John Holmberg]

It's like when a radio station gives away, like $30,000, you know, people will start listening that normally wouldn't listen. Now you might get a couple. It's a little different because maybe they just didn't know about you. But then when you go back to your regular, we're not giving you money. Which is why so many radio stations go broke, as they'll try to buy listeners, and then they're just not very good.

[Brady]

Gotta have content, right?

[John Holmberg]

So if the Coyotes did a. You know, they represented the United States a bunch, we'd flip out. And then they come back and play Coyote hockey, you'd be like, oh, the.

[Bert]

Blue Jackets or something. It's like, okay, great.

[John Holmberg]

Keep. Yeah, exactly. The Winnipeg jets and the Utah Hockey Club.

[Bert]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You think the spike in the ratings are going to. You think USA Canada is going to make people put eyes on that? And especially because it was like, there was a lot of women, there was people like Doug Hopkins. And I texted last night. Doug said, I haven't watched a hockey game in years. I've watched two this week. You know, puck, puck dropped to finish. And I'm like, yeah, because this is. This is the United States versus, and there's some. There's some backstory. Right now with Trump effing with Canada and Canada being a little bit mad at us, that helped. That's a ton. That helped a ton. Politics somehow helped this. But in the end, everybody's like, oh, it's great. You know, hockey's going to be bigger. I don't see it. I don't see it happening. I think a lot of people watched hockey. They realized that's a good game. I'll pay attention when the big games are on. And maybe it helps the Stanley cup finals because, man, sometimes that is just a. Just a bloodbath. Says, please don't listen or don't watch Brady's videos on the radio anymore. I'm getting ready to drive to work, and I think I'm gonna drive an oncoming traffic if you keep talking about him, David. Yeah, I know.

[Bert]

There's another one right there.

[John Holmberg]

Tough one.

[Bert]

Follows that one up.

[John Holmberg]

Actually, it's. The videos are not for anyone. Says, I've been contemplating suicide. Can I watch all of Brady's videos so I might realize I am interesting and the world doesn't consider me a big loser. Tyson, you know what? Maybe there is a purpose to Brady's videos after all. Saved a life, Brady. Your boring videos made a guy realize he's not the worst one. And it's not just Brady. It's all, yeah, it's a lot of it. And then you get into, oh, this guy says, I agree with what you said, John, about single people not wanting to hang out with couples with kids because couples with kids do what you said. But it goes both ways. After having kids, your hobbies, priorities and habits all get effed up and get shifted around. You can't go clubbing or to booby bars every weekend. It's no longer an option. Feels immature, like a waste of money. So I'm done hanging out with the likes of Jon Jon and Brett. After my kids were born, nobody wants to get drunk, go out goofing around, seeing big cans in their face with some strange woman rubbing in. Wait a minute. Who am I kidding? Take me with you. Please. Save me. You're right, William. Life changes. And that's why you guys kind of hole up in little. There's always those suburban.

[Brady]

There's always those clashes every now and then or the mix up where all sudden it's the one couple that doesn't have kids and the other groups do. Or vice versa.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Bert]

Oh, we've been there.

[John Holmberg]

No, we've been. And you realize that there's a mental break. And mostly with women. There's a mental break that they haven't had a night out with normal people for since they had kids. And then the last time is usually right around the end of college. So they revert back to that crazy nut bag that thinks getting alcohol is still hard and they celebrate it like it's like prohibition. Like, calm down, we're just having a couple of drinks. No, we don't do that anymore. We're not woohooing. Here's a picture of my kid. And then the kid calls and is like, oh, Christ, then you gotta go. You gotta go to suburbia for 17 years and we'll see you guys. When you trust your kid to drive, I'm the exceptional.

[Brady]

A lot of times on it that I'm the one that has the kid. Most of the friends that I have are either empty nesters or.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, you're the older guy with the other way around.

[Bert]

Hey, we're going out.

[Calando]

No can do.

[John Holmberg]

This guy says, I laughed at your take on Gabby Petito as I watched that. Now I think about it more and more. You're exactly right. You start a van life with this hot little blonde, but a week into the trip, she gets on her period, starts nagging the F out of the guy. She's crying, she's uncomfortable, she smells a little. She's a vegan.

[Bert]

Oh, she was.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. What an annoying little. So was he, though.

[Brady]

I opened it. I started into it about 15 minutes and after years of not synopsis of the whole thing. Yeah, I'm not gonna finish.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you can. I mean, still worth watching. But.

[Brady]

But it. I mean, you knew the answer of what you were saying in that first 15 minutes.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's more interesting. They just swung and missed on his parents. Yeah, it says she'd be annoying. She keeps talking crap about his bald head. She brings up his smelly feet, which is true. In the middle of it, she starts talking about him not having his feet in the car anymore because they stink. Then he gets a little bored of banging her and tired of all the selfies and the videos and the editing. Next thing you know, she's on the rag again. Oh, not this again. Takes a page out of OJ's book mentally and starts thinking about ending this story. Not to mention. Which they kind of glossed over. She started to call and text her ex boyfriend. That is true. She started to kind of contact an ex about how the van life was going. And out of nowhere now he probably got hold of her phone and they didn't talk about that. I thought that Too. Brian was possessive and jealous and she started to text her ex boyfriend and nobody said, do you think Brian might have grabbed her phone as a possessive weirdo that goes through her phone every once in a while and saw some of what was going on and evidently they were Snapchatting. So he fires back and forth. How about that? He saw the text to her friend about how she was going to end it with him, which there was that. Plus she had a chance to get away when the cops pulled him over and she stayed to fix him. Some of the pictures, she looks a little bit cute, but you know, if you were on the road with her for 60 days, she becomes Taylor Swift real fast. That skateboard. He said when she's on that skateboard, there is a part where she's on the skateboard. He says that her ass looks fat and juicy though. All right, this guy's watching for you might have killed her. I think you weirdo. But we do need. I agree. We need the Brian Laundrie documentary more than Gabby Petito. We need the one about him because we'll never know if her texting the ex sent him. He's again, he's not normal. But. But she knew that. And then she started to text her ex. She starts going back and forth with him. You know, he's texting her. Is everything okay? I'm worried. I'm. And you know, Brian had access to her phone after she was dead, so he had it when she was alive too. It's. It's crazy. Quick update, by the way. Remember Vince, the guy who started 2020? I'll read that he sent. It's on the same thing so I can read. The old one says, boys 2025 started with a bang, got married January 1st, got a brand new job on the 6th. This week we find out we're gonna have a baby. Now this week was. That was back January 15th, I think we didn't plan but evidently I knocked her up over Thanksgiving weekend and I'd been on cloud nine. Yesterday my wife said she had something to tell me and she wanted to talk to me this weekend. She left the house and we haven't spoken since Tuesday. She asked me not to reach out. She wanted time. I'm spinning. What is it? My brain is locked. The baby has to be mine. There's no way it's not. She's so happy. No way we can get divorced. Ever been through this? I can't imagine this. Well, he said, despite all my follow ups, here's what you need to know through Fancy prenatal testing. I found out the baby's mine.

[Brady]

There we go.

[John Holmberg]

We were going back and forth. Then she laid it on me that she wants to be. She wanted the baby not to be mine because she still feels something for the old guy. So now she's leaving anyway, which means.

[Bert]

She was banging somebody else anyway.

[John Holmberg]

So I'm. I'm stuck with her forever. And the dude who she loves has another girl pregnant right now, too. So I think the whole thing sucks. Just keeping you up to date Vince.

[Bert]

Poor guy.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. So there's a little quick one there for you guys if you're interested in following the story of Vince now. Hopefully it doesn't go the way of Gary, who's no longer with us.

[Brady]

Well, it.

[John Holmberg]

Or Matt Als Matt who is with us and we're going to see him at you fest. Fingers crossed.

[Bert]

Or Gabby Petito.

[John Holmberg]

Well, we know she's not going to be there.

[Brady]

That worked.

[Bert]

No, no.

[Brady]

Kind of for the Petito family. I mean, they broke up after six months. She was pregnant and they. They worked.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, the potatoes.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

In the beginning, you do learn.

[Brady]

Parents worked it out. We're like, you know what? We know we're going separate ways, but we want to do be good parents.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. The Petito dad knocked up the Petito mom. And then. Yeah, they just had the baby and said, we're not. We're not a family. I'll. We'll be good friends who raise a baby together. You can try that, I guess. Watch the. Hopefully it has a better ending, but watch the. So what Brady's basically saying is this kid is going to get his head cut off. I think that's what Brady's bringing up.

[Brady]

In that case, it did never know. But it kind of worked out pretty good all the way up until she just decided to be the influencer.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I think she's nuts. I think she might just be bananas. And then another thing. We've been talking about this for a while and all the stuff that's come out here and there and all that, for the first time in the history of aviation, an entire airport in the world was shut down for what they don't know was flying over their airport. A UFO flew over an airport in Turkey. And they're like, it's not a drone. It's moving funny. Close the airspace. They shut the airport down. And the guy said, contact will happen before 2027. That was like this. This UFO stuff is going sliding under the radar. And like, officials from governments are like, we will have contact in the Next two years, we're getting close. So they closed the incident. It was at 10 o'clock. A pilot spotted a UFO traveling near the Gaziantep airport in Gaziantep. And it was at 10,000ft. Pilots reported it, they said, get away from that once you circle the airport once. We don't know what that is either. They radioed the control tower, prompted the air hub to ground all the flights for an hour while they tried to figure out what this thing was. It wasn't showing up on radar, which drones do. It wasn't showing up on anything. So like, maybe it was just somewhat some stealth thing flying around. And they're like.

[Brady]

But visibly they're seeing it, but it's not.

[John Holmberg]

The pilots were seeing it coming in. They're like, we don't know what that is. What is that floating over the airport? And they're like, we don't see anything.

[Brady]

Picked up on the right.

[John Holmberg]

We got nothing. What are you seeing? It's like, I don't know. We're at 10,000ft. We had to dodge it because that's where you're coming in. You're like, I gotta look. There's something flying around out there. What are you doing? And so the. They did say that the UFO could likely be a drone that was being piloted without permission, but it wasn't moving like one. So afterwards, the guy's like, do you think it was ufo? Well, it's unidentified. It doesn't mean it's not human. It's just not identified. But it was really big and it was moving funny. And we closed the airport and we've never done that. We've done it for when we know somebody's flying around, but we didn't know this. And normally, I guess they can scramble a drone, knock it down, like, and just basically put something on it, but nothing. And. And then at the end, the guy's like, look, we're. We're a year and a half away from having contact. Huh? What? They're coming. 20, 27's my guess. Somewhere in that time. Enjoy America's 250th birthday. And then it's pretty much Katie barred the door. The aliens are on the way.

[Bert]

I don't know. Why would they land in Turkey? I mean, they take a wrong turn. I mean, it's Turkey, for Christ's sake. Come on.

[Brady]

And what are the odds?

[Bert]

America, fairly bougie attitude. Dubai.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe they're nice, but maybe they've done. No, that's an asshole. And Brett, in the past, the people that gave him directions to our nation, would send them back to Turkey. That's where they were in the beginning. They were in that area. They were down there in Egypt and Turkey and, you know, you watched Close.

[Bert]

Encounters a few too many times.

[John Holmberg]

No, they would go back. Like the map. The X on the spot says, we know we can land here. They're not sure.

[Brady]

They're just hanging out there and they're fighting in the ship or the. Is that Istanbul? Constantinople.

[John Holmberg]

I don't think they got the news.

[Bert]

The guy's wife's in the passenger seat.

[Calando]

I think it took a wrong turn politically. I always thought it should remain Constantinople.

[Brady]

Yep, it was an alien debate.

[Calando]

I'm not landing there then. Well, then just hover. I guess we'll sit here all day.

[John Holmberg]

It's the Gabby Petito.

[Bert]

Yeah, it is.

[John Holmberg]

Of space.

[Calando]

Fine, bitch, we'll turn around. I'll leave you in Turkey. I will.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe he was looking for a place to dump space. Gabby.

[Calando]

I gotta get rid of this bitch. No one will look for her in Turkey. Where are we going? You are driving too fast. Ah, Christ. You. Blah, blah blah with your bitching.

[Brady]

They have the same problems.

[Calando]

I want to have more Marmax. No more marmax. We have 12 Marmax.

[John Holmberg]

Those are kids in space.

[Calando]

Took a wrong turn and all you'll do is show images of the marmacs and bore everyone. Which is why we had to leave in the first place.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't know, it's. It's weird, though, that there's so many news stories that they just kind of subtly at the end say, oh, we're going to talk to him in about a year and a half. Like, that could have just been a guy. He could have fixed it. He could have just said, yeah, as a drone. We're pretty sure it was a drone. We're going to find the guy who did it. They can find somebody shooting lasers at planes. Remember the dude that called us and he went to jail for a little bit because I got in trouble? I was in the news. Like, for what? Well, I was firing a laser at a plane. Cops caught me. I'm like, they found you? Like, yeah, they can pinpoint that stuff. And I'm like, that's awesome. So if it's a drone, they'd find out. Why even bring up we're gonna have contact with aliens in a year and a half? Why even bring it up? Unless they're setting us up for inevitable contact. They're coming.

[Bert]

I don't know. They never found another dude.

[Brady]

Another dude trying to go viral.

[John Holmberg]

But Casalander was. We all know what that was. That was a Mexican who lost control of his leaf boat.

[Bert]

They never found him, though.

[John Holmberg]

There's no radar on that. Just. Whoa. Holy homes. This leaf blower is powerful. Juicy. I'm a superhero. No, he just got out of control around LAX and he didn't go back up. Anyway. Anyway, it's. This guy says, I just had shoulder surgery Monday and I am backed up from pain pills. Do you think if I watch Brady's videos, it would loosen my bowels? Thanks for entertaining us here in South Carolina, Dean. I don't know if it loosens bowels or not. I know your body relaxes.

[Brady]

Some of the food videos right before.

[John Holmberg]

You die, your whole body usually evacuates. So if you watch enough of those videos, your body's going to want to shut down and die.

[Bert]

Well, we did call it the calm app for the longest time.

[John Holmberg]

Oh.

[Brady]

It helps.

[John Holmberg]

So true. I got a problem Bruin.

[Brady]

I got sleeping.

[John Holmberg]

I got to talk about this. I feel a little minority report about it. So I had lunch with my uncle yesterday and drunkle Dennis, I call him, because Dennis and I used to get drunk. He's the youngest of my mom's side, and so Dennis and I are only like 10 years apart. Like, he was. My mom was like 13 when he was born, and then so she had me when she was 22. So Dennis and I aren't that far apart. So we. He'd come out here When I turned 21, Dennis was 30, and I was the most fun person he knew here because he didn't know anybody. So we got. We drank a lot, and Dennis was. He's a blast. So Dennis has run into. Recently had some medical issues, and, you know, a few, like, you know, same thing as you. We went into just basic thing and got a couple of unfavorable ultrasounds where there's some bumps and found a little tumor. Turned out to be one of the bad boys. They went to remove it, and another doctor came in and said, we got a few of them, like, in spots. So he's going through a lot. He's doing well. He's. He's healthy. So he's staying at my sister's coven house. And so I warned him. I said, look, she's not a doctor, and she killed my uncle Bob. Nobody talks about that in the family. My sister's also a murderer, second degree. I'm not going to go crazy like she planned it, but it was. It was a murder. Involuntary manslaughter. I'll call it at the best if I were on the jury. Involuntary manslaughter. She's. She's going in and just to recap my. And. And DVT is the. Like. Victor Wembanyama is the center for the Spurs. 7ft 7 inch, gigantic Superman, averaging 24 points, 11 boards a game. He's a second year. He's not even figured out the game yet. He's already starting to dominate. Found a blood clot in his shoulder. And it's dvt. It is a very serious. And everybody out there, that's a serious one. You don't have to get your anus examined. You know, if your legs hurt, you sit down a lot and you've got a little weight problem, or you're super tall, you're susceptible to deep vein thrombosis. So my uncle was complaining on Christmas years ago, my Uncle Bob, that his thighs hurt. And my sister thinks she's a doctor, but she's not. She's just read a couple books about Chinese guys. That's true. And occasionally she has a pot that she rings the outside of and then hangs some cheap silk she bought at Marshalls with Chinese writing that probably says Coca Cola, but she says it says Health Masters, Tumeric something. I don't know.

[Brady]

And the hone. The healing tones. Is that what.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know what the hell she's doing. It's all crazy witchcraft nonsense. So Uncle Bob tells me his legs hurt. And I had just seen a special at the time about an NBC News reporter that was sitting in helicopters all day, eight, nine hours at a time, and his legs started to ache and is talking to his wife. And he said, my legs hurt so bad. It's just all this. I'm just. I'm not in great shape and I'm not in bad shape, but my legs hurt. I'm sitting down. And these really uncomfortable, weird situations. I just don't feel. His DVT breaks, clots break. You drown in your own blood. So my Uncle Bob's complaining about that. I tell him, like, I just saw a special about that. You sit down all day at work and you just get up, like, be careful. But like, you got to go get that checked and then start moving around, get your blood flow going. I'm not a doctor. I'm not telling you what to do. But I just watched a special. Go ask about dvt. It's evidently not a lot of men don't know about this, and it's big time in men. So my fix, my fake Not Chinese. Eastern medicine. Sister says, I can fix that. I'm like, oh, no, no, no, no, no. She went to, like, Wind Chime University for five months. She's not a doctor. She's a massage therapist. That's. Let's not go crazy. And then she. Her intuition that she knows. So she rubs Bob's calves, which is the worst thing you can do to, you know. Blood clots. This is on Thanksgiving. I believe it was December 7th. Bob blew up. He died. She loosened up those clocks and killed him. Like, he wasn't. Didn't have a chance to go. This was one of those late Thanksgivings. It was like the 29th. A week later, I get a call, says, uncle Bob died. Well, you killed him because she called. I'm like, I did not. I told you not to rub his clots. John Holmberg's morning sickness. The 98 KUPD. Holmberg's morning sickness. So here's my Uncle Dennis, who's in town. Now, keep in mind, also, my sister's husband has shrunk, like, 7 inches since they've known each other. That's the truth. I don't know what she's doing, but she's shrinking him. I don't know what kind of witchcraft is going on over there.

[Bert]

Better watch what you're saying about her. She may push her.

[John Holmberg]

That's why I don't go over there. That's why we don't. I'm not hanging around over there. So she gets out this Chinese light, and she tried this on me years ago with my back. And the doctor that did my back surgery said, have you been heating this? I'm like, yeah, there's this Chinese healing light. He goes, oh, Jesus Christ. He goes, this is. You need surgery right now. There's no turning this around. I'm like, why? He goes, well, that light swelled up your discs in your back. And they're not like, you know, muscle. They swell and they don't retreat. It's a gelatin kind of thing that's in there. The heat's the word. And he said, who did this? And I said, well, she put me in touch with this chiropractor who told me to buy this Chinese light, a healing light, and I'm looking for anything. And he goes, that's the worst thing you could have done is put heat on this. I'm like, oh, okay. Told her that. And she goes, you doctor's crazy. I'm like, what am I doing? I'm listening to Wind chime university's number 10 graduate. And the doctor who's the number one doctor for the military for backs, is telling me that it's. I'm listening to this guy. So evidently, my uncle, who's got some cancer, she's throwing that Chinese light on him. And I warned him yesterday. I'm like, she's killed uncles before, and she's gonna kill again. So I don't know if I should call the police now or if I have to wa. For my witchcraft sister to kill another uncle. And this one I think the world of. I can't imagine this being. It can't happen. And he's just laughing.

[Brady]

I'll film it.

[John Holmberg]

Uncle Dennis. He'll let him make his Instagram better. Uncle Dennis is laughing like. I'm. Like, I'm not kidding, man. She's. This is. Stop listening to her. Take it with a grain of salt, but don't get under any Chinese lights. You know what else is a Chinese light? Everything they sell at TJ Maxx. If it's got a light bulb in it, it says made in China. It's the same exact thing. Chinese healing lights. If Chinese healing work, why is there cancer in China?

[Brady]

Why put that light on there and then top it off with some lead paint, right?

[John Holmberg]

Why don't you just drink the lead paint and then read the Coca Cola Chinese thing? So I got. I was worried about him. He's. He's leaving town, and I got to get to him before he goes.

[Bert]

Be your last.

[John Holmberg]

I got to. I got to hug him goodbye because he's allowing the. This. The witch doctor over there to Dr. Holmberg over there. No, no, no, no doctor. There's a shaman of some sort or, like, you know, when you go to, like, the tribe says, he's our medicine man. There's, like, no training here. You can't go to a trade school and come out with, you know, read a couple books a Chinese man wrote. I'm worried about my uncle because she's over there just pouring tumeric down. Oh, and then here's a crime. Evidently, they bought a pizza because he was starving. He got a pizza, and they didn't eat the whole pizza. They put the box in the fridge, and my sister threw it away. It's filled with pesticides and things we don't need, and it's going to contaminate my refrigerator. He's like, I wanted to kill her. I'm like, you know what? It would have been a bad idea, because it's either her or you. You got to get on this. So Uncle Dennis, when I was A kid was known as Den. Den. Now Drunkle Dennis.

[Brady]

So there's Roundup and pizza. I didn't know that.

[John Holmberg]

You know what? We're fine. You're gonna make it. Let Brady be your guide. He's never once sat under a cheap hot lamp. It's the same thing you make chicken stance on at Rawhide, only it's turned over and it's on top. It's a heat lamp. Yeah, you can keep your fries or chicken fingers warm under this Chinese heat lamp. I think that's what it was for. And then lunatics who went to three months of massage school started to believe that they are touched by some Chinese God and that these lamps suddenly have healing powers. They're not red light. They're not, like, scientifically proven to have some beneficial. It's just a lamp with coils in it that gets so ungodly hot. And I said, your tumors are going to swell up and then start growing. I love you, Dennis. I don't need your tumors to grow. Because Chinese lamps use your tumors.

[Brady]

Your patio in the winter and watch tv.

[John Holmberg]

That is exactly what it is. It's like a big Pixar.

[Brady]

I forgot what they call it. Not the radiant heat.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know.

[Brady]

They're great.

[John Holmberg]

This thing isn' this is not the one that, like, is safe. It's.

[Brady]

It's like it's concentrated. Right?

[John Holmberg]

It's coils. Yeah, it's the Pixar lamp with fire in it. And then she, her, and this idiot that tried to kill me once with that dumb lamp, and he was jumping on my back. You need to crack it. And he's jumping on my back. This is what they do in Asia. And I'm like, you're 300 pounds. There's no such guy in Asia. Like, you. There I was trying to get answers, and she tried to kill me, too. But I escaped. I escaped my captor, and my poor uncle's over there under some heat lamp that raising canes wouldn't use because it would burn the chicken. And I'm worried about him. So I'm thinking maybe we should get a wellness check over at that house.

[Bert]

Should send Ben over there.

[John Holmberg]

You know what, Detective Ben, I need you to roll over real quick and just knock on the door. Yeah, I'm getting some complaints about the heat in this house. And people can smell some tumors cooking. Oh, I'm so worried about him. You know, he's laughing. He's like, ah, it's harmless. And I'm like, I don't know. I wouldn't go messing around with these home remedies from that lunatic. And that's. Every family's got a nut bag. Every family's got somebody who's, you know, thinks that they know about Eastern medicine. Every family's got someone who's been to Europe once and then starts saying things like, they're European. Why can't we just be happy to be American and have Western medicine and, like, load ourselves full of pills and stuff? It's worked for a while. I mean, cancer, you can try whatever you want, but he's not terminal. It's not like. It's like he's okay. The medicine's working. I just can't imagine his heat lamps are any good. So if you meet her and she says, I've got this fire lamp, that it's going to kill you. She's trying to kill people and she's shrinking a man. I'm watching a man shrink. I've never. Have you seen John for a while? Her husband?

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

He's six inches shorter than he used to be.

[Brady]

Is that right?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, because the health house that they live in, he got real sick for a while, and then whatever. He.

[Brady]

Had you seen from a distance or.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no. I stood right next to him, and I was looking down. I'm like, he used to be the same size as me. She shrunk him. He got sick living with her, and he shrunk. Now, if I was him, I'd try to disappear, too, any way possible. So maybe he's just trying to.

[Brady]

She just maybe removed his spine.

[John Holmberg]

Well, no, some of it is gone for sure. Yeah. I don't know why. I think his spine just fell out. He's trying to kill him. If you've got a crazy family member, by all means, start calling them crazy. It's too important. You could lose an uncle. I've lost. I've lost one and maybe two.

[Bert]

She kills again.

[John Holmberg]

She kills uncles. She's an uncle killer. She is an uncle sad, but that's what I live with every day. And Dennis was like, please don't. Don't tell anybody about this. And I'm like, she's trying to kill you. I want it out there now. Now. This makes the documentary better. When it's out there. Yeah. When the uncle killer strikes again and the doctors are like, who cooked your. Who cooked your cancer? So to a crisp. It's like the way a woman eats a steak. It's blackened like a hockey puck.

[Calando]

She's sitting under a Chinese healing lamp.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Christ. It's The Uncle Killer.

[Bert]

Does she have an Instagram page?

[John Holmberg]

I don't think so.

[Bert]

It'll get that much better.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, you should tell my uncle to start an Instagram page because all the videos would be good. But this. This little segment here will be in the documentary thing when Keith Morrison says, but one person knew what was going on at the Uncle Killer's house. And he wasn't holding back at all, was he?

[Brady]

When he died, he was 3 foot 6 inches.

[John Holmberg]

He knew his uncle was being shrunk by the Chinese lamps, just like her husband, and yet nobody said a thing. They all thought it was adorable. Except one man. He tried to put a stop to it. Or did he? I just tell people, you're an adult, you do what you want. But she's killed uncles before, and she's not above doing anything. If I was an uncle and I was in that house, I certainly wouldn't be sticking around. It's where uncles go to die. So I love you, Uncle Dennis, but gotta get you out of there. I know you're listening. For God's sakes, run to the light, but not the hot one. It's 7:30. What do you got on the big board of musical treats there, Bert?

[Bert]

Wake Up Song brought to you by Action Ride Shop. And tomorrow is the day.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, we're going out there tomorrow.

[Bert]

Forgot about that Big grand opening at location number two over there on Power Road and McDowell. Lots of stuff going on. Check out all the new Pivot bicycles there. You can take them for test rides, everything else that Josh and the boys are gonna be giving away a brand new bike. And we'll be hanging out there hooking you guys up with you Fest tickets and everything else. Again, Power and McDowell will be hanging out there from 11 to 1 tomorrow for Action Ride Shot, number two's grand opening on the list.

[John Holmberg]

Before you get to the list, by the way, Devin Hodgkick says, hey, it's my birthday. Can you play Parkway Drive this morning? The Void. Ever since y'all played it for a Wake Up Song, I have loved it. And it's my birthday, so he's throwing that on the list. All right. Probably not.

[Bert]

I'm good with that.

[John Holmberg]

Probably not. We'll see what's on the list. Maybe. Maybe you got a last one.

[Bert]

What about Aldo Nova for Canada? Yeah, Nickelback, obviously. Slayer. Hell yeah. Blood for Blood for Hockey.

[John Holmberg]

Wait, they have a song called For Canada?

[Bert]

No, no. Yeah, I wrote the wrong thing. The only. He's only got one song. My Fantasy Song.

[John Holmberg]

Which one is that? Do you have it?

[Bert]

Life is just.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, is that. Oh, you remember that? Life is just a fantasy as Aldo Nova. Yeah, I do remember that.

[Brady]

Starts off with a helicopter.

[John Holmberg]

Were you doing a helicopter noise there? Are you okay?

[Brady]

Little copter?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Bert]

How's little copter sound? Here it comes.

[John Holmberg]

He just started doing it. Brady got lost in the music video for a second. We almost. We almost lost you. Oh, yeah. It says. I forgot about.

[Bert]

It's a little helicopter.

[John Holmberg]

That's the big one.

[Bert]

There you go. Brady.

[John Holmberg]

Is that a helicopter? Is just the sound effect? I guess it's helicopter.

[Brady]

In the video they show.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, is it?

[Bert]

You remember the song?

[John Holmberg]

I don't remember the video at all. They're Canadian.

[Bert]

Yeah. They want to pull up the video.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, I thought they were just gay. Is that the same thing?

[Brady]

Aldo Nova Scotia.

[John Holmberg]

Ah. No.

[Brady]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

I don't either. Are any of these guys dead? This would be a fun one for the Night of the Singing Dead. He's still alive.

[Bert]

I don't know about the rest of the band.

[John Holmberg]

This makes people right? Yeah. I didn't know. I didn't know Canadian and gay were the same thing. But I don't think we're allowed to say that after they kicked our ass last night. So right now, Parkway Drive is looking pretty good.

[Bert]

Yeah, so far. Let's see here. What else we got on the list?

[Brady]

You didn't go Rush?

[Bert]

Well, Rush is on there. Tom Sawyer's on there, obviously.

[John Holmberg]

All right, that's for them. We got to do that.

[Bert]

Oh, lover boy. I forgot about that.

[John Holmberg]

We don't need that. Rush is the way. It's either that or Bob and Doug McKenzie. Those are the only two things.

[Bert]

Oh, Nickelback's on there, too.

[John Holmberg]

And Nickelback to the ground. Damn it. Do we go with Tom Sawyer or Nickelback? Burn it to the Ground's pretty good.

[Bert]

All right, you know what? No Eldonova. Huh? All right.

[John Holmberg]

Not really. Deep cut. There's no Alanis Morris. That shocking.

[Bert]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Kind of happy about the. No. Bare Naked Ladies, which is fantastic. I would like. I'd like the Bare Naked Ladies to hang out under that hot lamp at my sister's house and get rid of the regular snow. The informer. Informer. You know.

[Bert]

This was the.

[John Holmberg]

This is the video. Yeah.

[Bert]

I gotta get rid of the.

[John Holmberg]

I gotta get rid of this one. Thank God. All right. Yeah, we'll do that one. We can do a little. We'll do some San Quentin. How about that? Burn it to the Ground's pretty Good, though. Is that the one helicopter? Oh, that's the chopper. And a very surprised Aldo Nova standing on a helicopter landing pad, acting shocked to see a helicopter. So they are Canadian. They're dumb.

[Bert]

No, he's getting out of the helicopter.

[John Holmberg]

Look at him. Look at this suit. Oh, look at that. They are gay. He's dressed as a Canadian leopard.

[Bert]

Oh, not even.

[John Holmberg]

Gets worse. He gets gayer. Oh, yeah.

[Bert]

Wait till he can't get in the door.

[John Holmberg]

The only way to get gayer is to have something in your door. Watch this. Oh, he shoots his guitar. His guitar is a laser. Yeah. I can't believe we lost to these guys.

[Bert]

And his leopard onesie.

[John Holmberg]

It's a leopard like pajama. It's kind of sexy. If it was a woman. You know what it is?

[Bert]

He's wearing those onesies now. He should get one of these.

[John Holmberg]

It's the same outfit that Shania Twain wore and feels like a woman. It's the same outfit.

[Brady]

It's Triumph Canada.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Bert]

They are too.

[John Holmberg]

We're done with that. We're just gonna do. We're going with San Quentin. Nickelback. Nickelback for Canada. Congratulations. Tip to cap. Canada wins.

[Bert]

I voted for Aldo.

[John Holmberg]

This is a solid one. I don't want any more aldo Nova. It's 98 KUP. Wake up. Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.