02-25-25 - New Hampshire Woman Caught Pissing On Produce At Store As Cops Have Been Looking For Her For Four Years!

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode: February 25, 2025
Title: New Hampshire Woman Caught Pissing On Produce At Store As Cops Have Been Looking For Her For Four Years!

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Overview

In this episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness on 98 KUPD, hosts John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo delve into a bizarre and troubling news story: a woman from New Hampshire who has been evading the police for four years by repeatedly urinating on grocery store produce. The discussion not only revolves around the specifics of the incident but also branches into broader conversations about public hygiene, consumer trust, and personal anecdotes that highlight the hosts' disdain for unsanitary practices in food handling.

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Main Incident: Woman Urinating on Produce

John Holmberg introduces the central topic by describing the unsettling act of a woman urinating on grocery store produce, leading to significant financial losses for the store.

• Holmberg (02:12): "I saw a story last night. Some lady in New Hampshire was pissing all over the produce at a grocery store... they pull fifteen hundred dollars of vegetables."

• Brady Bogen adds context about the duration of the woman's actions and the ongoing police pursuit.

• Holmberg (04:56): "She's been doing this since she was 19. Her name is Kelly Tedford. They've lost $1,500 in merchandise and cleaning costs."

The hosts express frustration over the lack of effective law enforcement in apprehending the woman, highlighting systemic inefficiencies.

• Brady (03:07): "Four years."

• Holmberg (04:56): "I can't believe they've been after her since 2021 and she still got away multiple times."

Broader Concerns About Public Hygiene

The conversation shifts to general disgust with how produce is handled in stores, touching on issues like contamination and the effectiveness of cleaning protocols.

• Holmberg (03:35): "Your paranoia comes to fruition with people who'd break out the... shooting rainbows right onto the produce."

• Brady (07:38): "Well, imagine the double whammy you're getting delivered. It's going through multiple hands."

The hosts debate potential solutions to ensure produce hygiene, such as having dedicated "vegetable butchers" to minimize direct contact.

• Holmberg (10:58): "Do you want some sort of a vegetable sommelier or a... vegetable butcher?"

• Brady (12:00): "It'd be like going to the counter. Just pick your veggies with someone handling them."

Personal Anecdotes and Host Experiences

The hosts share personal stories to illustrate their points, often using humor and exaggeration to emphasize their disgust.

• Holmberg (06:22): "She looks like Paul McCartney white, all right. Sunken in, fat, sad face."

• Brady (07:43): "They've been eating it for years."

• Holmberg (12:25): "You should. And that's the reason why, I guarantee you, the reason why back in the old days when food used to be out, it got to the point where... we're not gonna finish high school."

These narratives serve to reinforce the hosts' stance on the importance of food cleanliness and the dangers of unsanitary practices.

Critique of Media and Law Enforcement

The hosts express skepticism towards media coverage and law enforcement efficacy regarding the incident.

• Holmberg (02:59): "The cop on the news said... and nobody even followed up. The news is so bad at their job."

• Brady (18:55): "Thank you."

The disdain extends to the portrayal of such incidents in the media, suggesting a lack of serious investigation and public awareness.

Humorous and Sarcastic Commentary

Throughout the episode, the hosts employ humor and sarcasm to discuss serious topics, making the conversation engaging yet pointed.

• Holmberg (08:05): "She's on her way to being a pig though."

• Brady (16:26): "You don't gain weight because you release it two hours later."

• Holmberg (30:34): "Can I get a carrot? Yeah, let me get the keys."

These light-hearted jabs provide levity while still addressing the gravity of public health concerns.

Conclusion and Final Thoughts

As the episode wraps up, the hosts reiterate the importance of maintaining hygiene standards in grocery stores to prevent such incidents. They call for more stringent measures and personal responsibility among consumers and store employees alike.

• Holmberg (31:45): "Disgusting, disgusting people. Gross."

• Brady (31:57): "Disgusting, disgusting people. Gross."

The recurring theme emphasizes that the problem isn't isolated but indicative of broader societal negligence regarding public hygiene.

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Notable Quotes with Attribution and Timestamps

• John Holmberg (02:12): "I saw a story last night. Some lady in New Hampshire was pissing all over the produce at a grocery store... they pull fifteen hundred dollars of vegetables."

• Brady Bogen (04:56): "She's been doing this since she was 19. Her name is Kelly Tedford. They've lost $1,500 in merchandise and cleaning costs."

• John Holmberg (10:58): "Do you want some sort of a vegetable sommelier or a... vegetable butcher?"

• Brady Bogen (16:26): "You don't gain weight because you release it two hours later."

• John Holmberg (31:45): "Disgusting, disgusting people. Gross."

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Final Remarks

This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness offers a blend of investigative discussion and comedic relief, addressing a disturbing trend in public spaces. Through their candid dialogue, the hosts shed light on the importance of food hygiene and the need for better enforcement and public awareness to prevent such incidents in the future.

Transcript

[Dick Toledo]

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[John Holmberg]

Morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. Good morning everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Tuesday. It is 5:45. Hi there. My name's John. How are you? There's Brady, there's Brett, there's big Dick Toledo. That's it's the morning sickness and off and running. Another perfect day in paradise as we cruise right through a glorious spring. And the baseball games are tempting when it's this nice this early. Oh my God, is it nice out. So roll on over there, get yourself take a day off. Take the day off.

[Brady]

It's a good idea.

[John Holmberg]

My permission? Why, why bother answering your elon emails all day long when you could just take the day off and not do anything? It's what everybody else has been doing for years. Why not you? So it's a perfect, perfect day for that. And I'm guessing on a Tuesday before all the visitors are here, I don't think they're. He can start hitting those games before it gets real weird. Couple weeks from now though, if the weather stays like this, those winter visitors are gonna be brutal and you got.

[Brady]

Local spring breaks kicking in.

[John Holmberg]

No, that's. Wow, we're doomed. We're doomed if it stays nice. My hope is we locals get these next two weeks of mid spring early and then in a couple weeks it just rains for three weeks and all those Buffalo, Philadelphia, Rochester people come out. Wasn't very nice when I was there.

[Brett]

Make you feel at home.

[John Holmberg]

Make you, make you feel like you guys brought it with you. Thank you very I saw a story last night. Some lady in New Hampshire was pissing all over the produce at a grocery store. Like she was like, I don't know how you do it when you're a.

[Brady]

Girl climbing up on the.

[John Holmberg]

No, no. You think that she's doing a lean back rainbow. And then so I'm like Jesus Christ, that's some. I know. But still, I was more impressed than I was mad. But the she peeing all over the produce. So they had to pull fifteen hundred dollars of vegetables. That's like she was. That's a lot of vegetables. $1,500. And then they pull it out. And then the cop on the news said. And nobody even followed up. The news is so bad at their job. They've been after her since 2021. She's been doing this for four years. And they can't. Like, if I was at the grocery store and I knew you peed on something to the point where I called the police, I would see you again. You would be. There she is. That's the girl that pees on stuff.

[Brady]

And she times it where no one else sees her.

[John Holmberg]

Emine. Apparently not because they've been after her for four years. But she's going in four years.

[Brady]

Four years.

[Brett]

Oh, I thought this was a one off.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no. Since 2021. Oh my God. She went in and pissed on it. And they said, we've been looking for her since 2021. Any questions? And the media in New Hampshire's like, nope, that's up. That's good for us. Like, what have you guys been eating? That means that she got away with it a few times.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that means that a few times she got spotted since 2021. And a few times she's rolling in and she's doing it. And you ate.

[Brady]

Hopefully they rinsed it off.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe that's why. I think that's the true reason why your parents always said rinse off the stuff, the fruits. Because deep down we all know humans are gross. And anything that's on mass display, that's eaten as is. Like that vegetable aisle to me is as bad as a potluck, you know, I know Brady hates it too, for other reasons, but it is just an absolute nightmare to look at that.

[Brady]

I like going by there every now and then. The fake thunder and the misters go off.

[John Holmberg]

Feel like you're shopping with a little risk and then you head back over to where the real food is. I can't do it. I can't. Like sprouts has all those like boxes of just out food. Out is for me. It's just like, well. And people are like, oh, you're paranoid. I'm like, well, there you go. My paranoia comes to fruition with people who. She'd break out the. I'm imagining she did the two finger, the split finger fastball, I call it. Where you pull up both ends of the. And then you. You aim the urethra up nice, and she shoots the Bellagio rainbow right onto the produce. And evidently, fifteen hundred dollars. So she's walking and doing this at the same time. And you talk about a thunder and a rain shower. That's some skill. That's impressive. So she's pissing all over the produce. Makes me think. And. Yeah, to be able to get away with it for four years before they finally nabbed her.

[Brett]

What she looked like?

[John Holmberg]

Didn't get a picture. No picture. I looked last night. I was. I searched it out after, and then she's on the. She's on. She's even on AZ Central and AZ Family. But, yeah, she's. According to. She's 23. She's been doing this since she was 19. Her name is Kelly Tedford. They said they've lost 1500 merchandise and cleaning costs. So I guess it wasn't just all merch. Okay, you got to clean up. You got it. You got to take all that out, clean the bin that your cucumbers were in, and then put a whole new batch in there.

[Brady]

So she's going to the same place.

[John Holmberg]

Why? Maybe that was the one that was the last time through. Fifteen hundred dollars worth of new total, four years. If you walk by over at the grocery store and just start hosing as you walk, every one of those bins has to be emptied and cleaned. Every one of us.

[Brett]

A woman after Brady's own Heart Vegetables.

[Brady]

Ew.

[John Holmberg]

I piss on you. I've been dreaming of doing that for the longest time.

[Brett]

Founder, did you.

[John Holmberg]

What? You look like Kelly Tedford, 23. How are you that angry at 23? I bet she's. I'm gonna. I'm gonna guess. Well, she's methy, probably. Maybe fat. Well, she's. She's on the way to being a big factor. She looks like Paul McCartney, she said. Is that what New Hampshire looks like?

[Brady]

Yeah. Really?

[John Holmberg]

White is all I know. What am I seeing?

[Brady]

That's Paul McCartney looking.

[John Holmberg]

Paul McCartney white, all right. Sunken in, fat, sad face.

[Brady]

It's cloudy.

[John Holmberg]

I can't imagine being 23 and that upset at society to piss on the food. What are we eating? What do we eat on a regular basis? I mean, we got rfk. We're worried about, you know, things that we put in the food. What are we eating? That's just. Every time I go by, whenever the grocery store is full and you go into that. That section you see just manhandling, I'm like, oh, the booger. Hands. The ladies that just got done fiddling the bean. The dude that didn't clean himself.

[Brett]

We've seen videos like that one that went into the dressing room with the cucumbers.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but. Oh, that's right. She went in and stuffed it in. Try to put it back. And what are we eating? But we got it. You know what? We lock up deodorant. We lock up all that. I don't think anybody be too upset if we unlocked the deodorant, we unlocked the razors, and we locked up the produce or at least bagged it, you know, I know. I'll pay an extra 25 cents per bag per pound of just to not have stuff out. Oh, you can't trust people like that. Free for all people.

[Brady]

Well, imagine the double whammy you're getting delivered. It's going through multiple hands.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I can't even. I don't. I would never have produce like handled by another person that I don't know. So gross. People are just disgusting. You're all gross. She hates these vegetables. Yeah, exactly. And then what? What else has she gotten?

[Brett]

But again, she's on her way to being a pig though.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, she is.

[Brett]

She hasn't eaten too many vegetables lately.

[John Holmberg]

No, she's got big casts because she's hauling around too much upper body. Yeah, that's not good. Yeah, she's one of those girls that currently at 23, is proud of her leg muscles, but she doesn't realize she only has them because she's hauling around that big gut. Yuck. Look at the fupa on that broad. And no wonder she's angry. She probably has a hot sister that gets all the attention.

[Brady]

Oh yeah, that's how they roll in West Mifflin.

[John Holmberg]

I'll tell you right now. This one, this one is. She looks like somebody that would piss on a vegetable plate.

[Brady]

She attacked the potatoes that day at the Walmart.

[John Holmberg]

She is. Oof. Not huge, but she's definitely gonna. She's gonna be on one of those 600 pound sisters.

[Brett]

She would just like stand in front of him and just. Bruce Suter, get the split finger. I mean, what the original story.

[John Holmberg]

I said that's what I think she thinks she was throwing that. She was throwing the pop outs. The fork ball. She dropped it and we're all picturing it. The two fingers on each, on each side, lift up. We've seen it in porn, you and I. When the girl leans back, pulls it up, evidently there's some sort of a flap. I don't understand anatomy and it leaves and it. But yeah, they've been looking for.

[Brett]

Oh, yeah, she's never.

[John Holmberg]

That's her.

[Brett]

No, no, that's somebody else. All these other broads have never been in the vegetable department.

[John Holmberg]

I don't even have a vegetable department, if that's what they're interviewing. And it was at the Walmart. Yeah, I thought they said it was at a small store.

[Brett]

That's. Well, this. This. This is like one of the original articles, I guess.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no. So this is when they got her from before. So they finally choose to.

[Brady]

Ruined our potatoes.

[John Holmberg]

The cereal pisser. Why are you on the potatoes?

[Brady]

That's what she said.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, is that all? Did good research. You got.

[Brett]

Yeah, pissing off the Irish.

[John Holmberg]

You got the. The details of which foods were tainted. Eats Irish anyway, so. I don't know, maybe. I mean, we have a sneeze guard over salad bars at dumpy restaurants. The Sizzler used to think, well, people might snot or dribble out their nose. I watched a guy. This is years ago at the grocery store, and it was around March, and whatever and just dripped was hanging off the end of his nose, and he would catch it with his hand. He'd wipe his drips off his nose, but he's snot and he's looking over carrots. And I'm just watching him like, you're not getting all that. Nobody can keep an eye on this. And plus, your hands are now just. You cannot trust. You know what we need? We need some sort of a vegetable sommelier or a. No, no, no. Don't touch it. I'll get that for you, sir. And then somebody with gloves up to their elbows, like, we're artificially inseminating a cow goes over and how many do you need? Pick them out. We wouldn't allow it with the meat. You have to ask a guy with the meat. Can we have some sort of vegetable butcher? Get something, something. Check out homework's morning sickness [e-mail] Homeburg's Morning Sickness.

[Brady]

Yeah. Pull it out of the cabinet and.

[John Holmberg]

Said that somebody stands behind the back and you've got. I'll take 10 of those and three of those. Which ones do you want? They'll even ask you that. Which. Like, if it's butcher meat, they're like, which ones you get to pick still. Let's get a couple vegetable butchers in there. Do you want these chopped? It's a nice service. It's actually not a bad idea. And plus, it keeps the general public's disgusting paws off of everything.

[Brett]

New Hampshire. They'd be wearing those outbreak suits and everything.

[John Holmberg]

Yep. It'd just be, you're gonna piss all over the veg.

[Brady]

And that's the. That's the problem. They try to, you know, wrap it. Because if you're picking up the meat, you have to go to the frozen or the refrigerator. It's packaged.

[John Holmberg]

Go on.

[Brady]

You can pick that. You can't package a lot of fresh vegetables. It just won't last long.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not talking about packaging. You know what I'm saying? Like the fresh butcher, you have the window. I can pick which ones you want. Who cares about freezing it? I don't. Just go get it.

[Brady]

Well, it's not in the freezing part. It's just saying to have a person serve the vegetables.

[John Holmberg]

Why?

[Brady]

It'd be like the. Going to the. Sometimes going to the counter. If you go to the meat counter.

[John Holmberg]

What I'm talking about.

[Brady]

Wait your turn.

[John Holmberg]

Right. Okay.

[Brady]

They don't have time.

[John Holmberg]

What would you rather have snotty mcdrippy nose hanging over the things? Because you can have your.

[Brady]

I'll rinse that off.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, good for you. You won't. A. A. First off, you won't buy it. Second, don't. Don't put yourself. You're out of this conversation. Leave it to us veg eaters.

[Brady]

I bought some fruit and vegetables yesterday.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah? What, are we going to a show? You wanted to throw stuff.

[Brett]

He's going to a Gallagher concert.

[John Holmberg]

You're gonna leave it? Yeah. Do this one next. Gallagher.

[Brady]

They did have a couple of melons up, but they're tiny.

[John Holmberg]

I bought you a cantaloupe. Yeah, okay. Sure you did. Anyway, Liar. Brett, you and I, when we talk about vegetables, would you rather you'd pay the extra? Just have it or take some time?

[Brett]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Place your order in for your veg. Yeah, yeah.

[Brett]

You said veg, right?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, veg. Disgusting.

[Brett]

Making sure people are gross.

[John Holmberg]

You should. And that's the reason why, I guarantee you, the reason why. Back in the old days when food used to be out, it got to the point where, like, hey, everybody's getting sick. Your pissy, dirty hands are. So they had to package everything. We had to go to a box.

[Brady]

Couple of scoops of oats.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And then after. Yeah, you used to get. You just go and get it yourself. I got it myself. And that was when people were filthy. And they're like, we got to put these in bags. And then over time, what do we have to do? Seal it. Okay. The seal. Stubborn. Then you have to do safety seals and double packaging. And it's because of us. It's not because of. You know. You don't think of why. What necessitated all of these boxes and plastic wraps and everything else? Us. We used to be trusted. Go over and grab your own meat. And then you started wash your hands, God damn it. The Jebediah Washer. Goddamn hands are in here with your snot nose again. I can't help but I got allergies and ain't invented any Bendadryl yet back in my day. We got to put a cover over that. This is disgusting. There was one John Holmberg back there going, guys, I'm telling you, eventually we're gonna have to cover all this up. Yeah, you're paranoid, okay? You'll see. Spanish flu comes up in 1920. We got to cover up all the vegetables, like that homburg guy's been bitching about forever. Cut to 2020. We gotta stop all potlucks and most buffets because, like, that homeboy guy's been bitching about the whole time. He was right.

[Brett]

They'd only covered up the wet markets back in 2019. We'd been fine.

[John Holmberg]

I'm just gonna rest on that. Would you eat at a wet market? Because that's how it used to be. Absolutely. Why not? Why not?

[Brady]

It sounds so delicious.

[John Holmberg]

Those people wander. You see those Indian bazaars. Like, who would eat it?

[Brett]

Other flies?

[John Holmberg]

Come on.

[Brady]

They've been eating it for years.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. And it doesn't hurt from their procreate to make more people to go piss and poo all over the veg anyway. Just saying. Everybody laughed and scoffed at old Johnny back in 2017. 18. All my whole life with buffets and public foods and potlucks at work, and you're nuts. That's stupid. 2020. First thing we have to do is shut down potlucks. No potlucks. First thing. When Covid happened, first thing. No potlucks. Don't you dare bring food from home. Second thing, buffets. Vegas was like, what? Shut them down. Not only shut them down. Reimage it. Rethink your whole buffet room and build something new. And they did. Vegas used to be known for the buffet. That whole thing at the Aria now is just like a food court where their huge buffet used to be. And it's better.

[Brett]

The Rio had, like, one the size of this building, that buffet.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, and the people in it. You know what the most disgusting sign is? I'd rather say, stick your head inside the ass of a homeless man on a marquee. I'D rather see that before buffet 599. Cause it's dirtier. The helmet man's ass is cleaner than buffet 599's crowd. Yuck. All you can eat buffet 599. I can eat all of it. All right. We go live, baby. And they go wandering in there and barfing all over themselves from the night before.

[Brady]

You don't gain weight because you release it two hours later.

[John Holmberg]

Throwing up the whole time from drinking the night before and. And fingering that sister wife of theirs. Then going and touching all the buffet food.

[Brett]

Getting a little napkin and putting some Salisbury steak in to take back to room for later.

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna have me some scallops and some lobster and over here some skitty and some pizza pie. Maybe a prime rib. I sneezed out a lot of that cunningus from my face last night there all wadded up. I ain't taking a bath. Yuck. So I saw that story last night. My arms went in the air. Now, I know it's not all of us, but it doesn't take all of us. We flip the F out over a Gilbert goon. You know, the whole city had to shut down. Everybody freaked out that all the kids were bad because one went sideways. We get one lady pissing on food and people are like, come on, dude, not that big a deal. Yes, it is. It's a huge deal because that's, that's just the extreme versions of exposed food.

[Brady]

They only do that in New Hampshire.

[John Holmberg]

They only caught a guy in New Hampshire. 23 year old woman. How bad has life gotten? You're 23, you're like, I'm gonna piss on produce. And she started when she was like 18. As far as we know, she might have been doing it years ago. And you know, she's gone in there with what looked to be like a. I know nobody would have believed it built judging by her size, but probably one of those workout thermoses. Nothing funnier than one of those pigs and Lululemons walking around in a thermos like she just got back from Lifetime. Really? She needs the workout pants and the fat girl thermos for the walk from the car into the Walmart so she can go buy more junk. But you know, she was probably pouring some, keeping hydrated, pouring it on there. And I don't want to hear from the people who will email go. Just makes your immune system stronger. No, it doesn't, or it would be allowed. That's a terrible argument. Immune system needs that stranger piss. It Does. Yeah. The more you're exposed to it, the less sick you can get. Really? Is that the official line of the health community? More people piss and we'll feel better about it? I don't think so.

[Brett]

When you think about it, this is only one broad that got caught doing.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you.

[Brett]

How many other times it's been done?

[John Holmberg]

Brett's making my points for me today.

[Brady]

You've eaten a lot of urine.

[Brett]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

A lot of urine. I've said this before, and that's the only time I actually hope Brady's right and there's some sort of afterlife where you get to sit down with some. It's like a guidance counselor. Mine was Mr. Garabay, I believe was his name. And I'm like. He got mad at me because I told him. I go, why don't I listen to a guy making $33,000 a year on how to live a life?

[Brett]

But he gets summers off because he.

[John Holmberg]

Was kind of a dick to me. And he sort of told me, you know what? It's my passion. And I get a lot of. I'm like, oh, well, I don't want that, because I'm pulling down 21 right now at Tony Roma's. So I'm right on your heels there, jackass. You don't need to start telling me how life. I was kind of a dick to him. We weren't good friends. He was always calling me and telling me about how I need to get there. In fact, it was so bad, my guidance counselor dropped me for another one. I wasn't too mouthy, but he got. He got judgy with me that I was never going to amount to anything. And I certainly didn't like hearing that. I like you.

[Brady]

I like when that was a challenge.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I like when you count me out. So challenge accepted. And I just. And I literally. All over his life, I gave him better guidance because I think I just don't want that homebrewed kid anymore. I was putting a mirror up, you know, you're never going to amount to anything. That's rich. What do you mean? Coming from you, I'm not going to amount to anything. Neither are you. That's not fair, John. Well, you're the one judging me. I don't have to thank him. I was heading the right direction. I wasn't going to.

[Brady]

He put you right.

[John Holmberg]

He didn't put me anything. Oh, no. My dad got you inspired. No, I was going to leave school. I was literally in the middle of high school. Thought, thought, I can do without this I was Richard Branson without all the ambition. I'll leave school and go work at Tony Roman. There's something. Check out homework's morning sickness podcast at 98kupd.comberg's Morning Sickness.

[Brett]

They thought of Dan Holmberg in the.

[John Holmberg]

Background until Dan said, oh, we're not gonna finish high school. You're gonna embarrass me? Like, no, I don't want to do that. Well, then finish high school and we'll talk. But, yeah, my guidance counselor started to tell me about how wasn't going to amount to anything and stuff like that, but I kind of hope when we die, Brady's way happens. And there is this guidance counselor, and he sits down, he goes, you got any questions? I'm like, tell me all the stuff I've eaten that I shouldn't have eaten. And I'm not talking about health. I'm talking about things that went into my body that I didn't know I ate. And then what happens? I remember that time in Vegas, you got really sick and you thought it was the scallops. Yeah. It wasn't. You were playing a slot machine. The guy before you was picking his nose and had a big. Remember Brett?

[Brett]

Oh, snot rag guy.

[John Holmberg]

Snot rag guy at the casino, and he pulled out a big red honker, and it was wrapped around the toilet paper wad he had stuffed in. And what did he do? Just turned it over to the clean side and stuffed it right back in. So now the red wads hanging out, and his hand went right back to that slot.

[Brett]

I think I still gotta pick numbers.

[Brady]

Big numbers.

[John Holmberg]

And I won eight grand sitting next to him, and I didn't want it. I wanted you keep this and go wash your. He was straight out of a wet market, but, I mean, on a countless amount of times, I would ask Brady's heavenly guidance counselor that, you know, I've seen your whole life. I know exactly what it's been like. How many times did I eat stranger boogers? Oh, my God. Pizza. I remember one time.

[Brady]

That's not true. Why your scenario if we get that? Because that scroll of mine will be so long.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, the things you've eaten. Filth. And you just powered through.

[Brady]

And then there's this one time.

[Brett]

Well, the potato chips that you always talk about with Kirby and the clinger around.

[John Holmberg]

Literally. Brett, not kidding. No lie. Almost. Almost happened. Stomach just went. That was Kirby chips. No, we're not cutining that up. That was the grossest thing I've ever seen. And then that big cooler of Sandwiches and all I had to do because I knew Kirby's in charge of Brady's house back even then when she was like five. Brady, who made the sandwiches here? I did. Did you get any help from that Gerber herbs? Yeah, she handled the bread. All right. We're eating at a restaurant. And the glory of it was the non confrontational makeup of everyone there in the Bogan household was finally met with a little pushback. And your brother in law walked over to thank me like I'd solved some of the world's hunger.

[Brady]

That's a great idea.

[John Holmberg]

No, Nobody. Oh, come on. It's Cisco. I'm looking at Kirby spinning that big booger basketball on her index finger, putting her hand right back into that bag of what said family chips. But nope, it was Kirby. And that's it. It should have just said Kirby because her family said she could have these chips. Whole humongous bag of chips, hugging it like it was grim death on an old lady. Hand going in, finger went right in that nose. Pulled that giant green. It was neon and it's powder. It sat on top of her finger like. I can't even explain it.

[Brady]

It looked like a ice cream.

[John Holmberg]

It looked like a lime lollipop. It was just a big ball. It looked like that thing at the. In New York where they had the World Trade, where they do the US Open and Queens.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Those two sticks at the end of Men in Black. They climb those jigs. Big circle on the end of it. She's looking right at me like, hey, mother, these chips are mine. Hand goes right back in the bag with booger attached. Goes right into her mouth. Looks at me like, yeah. And I'm like, that's it. And your brother in law saw it. Oh God. Oh God. I'm like, sewer, you're a lawyer. And then I, I put a stop to anybody eating all that work that Brady put into the food because he let the kid help. Which is why you should never have potlucks at your work. You don't know when the kids help. You don't know what kind of situation they've got with cats walking on countertops. You don't know if they've got like. You know. There was a cute girl at my work at Tony Roma's who I thought she was great. Her name was Sarah. She was super sweet and like she'd do stuff. And you never question that she made cookies and things like, hey guys, I made cookies and I didn't eat them because I was, I was always been like, meh. Stranger danger. But I thought she would be one. That if I did eat somebody's cookies, it would be hers. Took her home one night after work. All right. Well, until I went inside and she had eight ferrets and her house smelled like a box. It was just.

[Brett]

Ferrets are the worst, too.

[John Holmberg]

Sometimes they hide it in the fridge. You can't get them. Did you ever clean this place? Then I realized, never eat anything brought from somebody's house. Because she was the ultimate display of cute and clean. Till you went to her pad. Gross.

[Brett]

This guy had another. This guy had an experience like you with the kids with Kirby.

[John Holmberg]

Good lord.

[Brett]

But similar situation.

[Brady]

Give me his name and number.

[John Holmberg]

Dudes. Over the weekend, my lady and I went to a child's birthday party. Okay, problem number one. Eat on the way. I suggested we get some food before we went. Okay. Secretly. Because I didn't want to try any food at this party. Well, as we were there, I watched some ugly little effort, probably four or five, dig into his nose, wrangle a stringer. Wrangler. Stringer is a great song. I haven't had the band name yet. Went and hid under the food table and proceeded to just chow down on it. Then jumps out and start grabbing goods off the table. Effing. Gnarly. Good use of gnarly. Haven't seen that in a while. And spelled properly, Cameron Flansburg. Cameron, that's. You and I are actually wearing the.

[Brett]

Proper shirt today for the band.

[John Holmberg]

Snot. You got snot on it is just. It's gross. Kids are the worst. Remember, we. We hadn't had our immune system fired up there by children. And we went over 20 something years ago. It had to be close to that to Frank Caliendo. And was it Caliento or was it Toledo's kid's birthday at that? Peter Piper. And we thought we were gonna have the time of our lives. Everyone ended up almost dead. I mean, I think Toledo's kid got whooping cough. And we all ended up with diseases that were from touching all the stuff at the Piper or Chuck E. Cheese or wherever we went bad. And you're like, of course I don't expose myself to this anymore. Nor should I.

[Brett]

Got a poet where the boogers are green and the goons are mean in Gilbert.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Kirby. I just half expected here and that. Spinning that ball on her finger. I'm like, oh, my God, that's the biggest booger I've seen coming out of a kid's face ever. And that particular day, because it was winter it was a little cold. She had that kid crust on her nose. That goo.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. Those little cess bags of gross. Anyway, the lady pissing on the veg up there in New Hampshire. And you just know that she ain't the only one. And I'm less worried about a lady pissing on the vegetables than I am the dude who just bathed his ferrets and whatever it is that I didn't wash his hands. And he goes and picks up the carrots and stuff. All right, everybody. Just want to thank Drew and John for driving us up here to Sedona. Kirby, get out that bag of family style barbecue. Get your hand out of there. Kirby, don't do no. Kirby. Oh, God. All right.

[Brady]

Anyway, just eat around.

[John Holmberg]

Where? Her hands. She's got small hands. She hasn't touched all the chips. We're going to a restaurant. John's crazy. He thinks we're gonna not eat all these sandwiches that I made. Who helped with those? Me and the beautiful curvyderms. We're going to a restaurant.

[Brady]

Lay's hickory barbecue chips.

[John Holmberg]

You still remember? Oh, yeah. Oh, because it was ruined for him, too. Deep down, he was kind of happy with me calling her out, too. That whole family was gonna let that slide. I'm standing next to your dad. We're family, jv. And I forget who else was with us. Was Charlie there? I think Charlie.

[Brady]

No, Charlie wasn't.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, he wasn't there. But anyway, it was. Oh, Drew. Drew, the other Jeep driver was there and we all saw it, like. And Drew. Drew just said. Best thing I ever heard Drew ever say. For all things holy. It was exactly what he said to me. And I'm like, I see it. Oh, Kirby, the Boogs. Yeah, there's been a few times where you just can't trust people in their home. Stuff you can. And Kirby's over there spinning meadowlark. Lemon comes over, goes. God damn it. Damn, girl, you need to get you a job with us. Here's some shoe polish. Follow me. It was a different time. Yeah.

[Brett]

You can do it then.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. This was 16 years ago. It was a long time.

[Brady]

We missed him. They were just here last weekend.

[John Holmberg]

Glob Char was here on Saturday. Anyway. Another girl that was smoking hot at Tony Romas. Everybody wanted a piece of her until my friend James went to her apartment to grab some and saw her underwear on the floor. And there was something in there that looked like Kirby had it on her finger earlier. He. He took a picture of it before we had phone pics. It was neon green. Don't know what that was. But she was taken off the short list and put on a very, very, very long list of things I won't touch. Anyway, just be careful. And I don't know if you're with me or not, but the next pandemic that shows up when it's manufactured by China to try to make Donald Trump's presidency no good, then we go in through this again. They're going to close up the produce section. There's going to be. There's going to be shields up on the produce section before I'm dead. Produce will be something. You have to ask somebody.

[Brady]

Can I get a carrot? Yeah, let me get the keys.

[John Holmberg]

You gotta get to get some carrots and a couple. And get some veg. Oh, well, I'll get my supervisor. We have to unlock it at the same time. Like nuclear codes.

[Brett]

It's like War Games.

[John Holmberg]

Three, two. That show has the command, carrots are a go. Now put your suit on before you grab those carrots. Yuck. Anyway, happy Tuesday morning to you, everybody. Good morning. Good morning. And Brady's right, Even though he's only seen it on tv. Rinse your vegetables. Don't just go pounding those things. Apples. I watched a produce guy stacking apples, and he went under the apple thing where apples had fallen off and rolled down, crawling around underneath the thing. Put them right back up. There they were on the floor a second ago, like, dirty ass floor. Underneath by that drain, putting them back up, making the pyramid. And I'm like, those honey crisps were just. You're not gonna rinse those off every half hour? There was a thunderstorm. Oh, my God.

[Brett]

Goddamn thunderstorms.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they think that's cleaning.

[Brett]

Yeah. And of course, as soon as you reach for something, the damn thing starts going off.

[Brady]

So.

[John Holmberg]

Great, thanks. Yeah, that better be some Silkwood solution too, because there's nothing on there.

[Brady]

You're like, get off my parsley.

[John Holmberg]

Disgusting, disgusting people. Gross. All right, let's get a wake up song. 5, 8, 5, 9800 a good one and we'll scream it together. It's 98 KUPD wagon. Is that weird? It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fee. I have heard enough of this. Are you pj?