02-25-26 - The Next Big KUPD Contest Is Announced At 8am - The Old Porkopolis Spot Is Now Middle Eastern Cuisine And Brady Of Course Has Tried It - Man Arrested For Running Onto Sky Harbor Runway As We Argue He Can't Be Rehabilitated

Summary

Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – Feb 25, 2026: Next Big KUPD Contest Announcement, Porkopolis Memories, and Runway Intruders

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Overview

In this lively episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness, John Holmberg and the crew tease the details of an exciting new KUPD contest to be unveiled at 8am, reminisce about the fate of the legendary Porkopolis BBQ spot (now a Middle Eastern/Indian restaurant), and debate the consequences for a man arrested after running onto the Sky Harbor airport runway. As always, the group’s irreverent banter, inside jokes, and pointed commentary on everything from restaurant signs to mental health and criminal justice take center stage.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Next Big KUPD Contest (01:08–10:23)

• Major Contest Announcement Tease: John repeatedly hypes the upcoming contest, which will be officially announced at 8:00am, calling it “one of the top fivers we've all done since I've been here for 25 plus years” (03:50).
• How to Participate: Listeners are instructed to get as many people as possible to download the KUPD app and to join text threads to enter hourly code words after 8am. “Our moron bosses just want those numbers to rise. They don't care who. They just want something.” – John (02:38)
• Corporate Radio Satire: John offers his trademark cynical humor about radio execs: “Basically, the simple, they want us to have people on the app... It's run by idiots.” (02:47)
• Hints and Speculation: The prize is described as exclusive, expensive, and usually inaccessible to everyday people. “You have to be a 1%er in the 1 percenter to get.” (04:10)
• Listener Cynicism: John preemptively addresses complaints from the audience, poking fun at those who always find criticism.
• Memorable Quote: “Anytime radio executives start saying that's a good show and it's me, I'm doing something wrong. ... That's like Jeffrey Epstein going, This is the best preschool in all the land.” – John (06:08)

2. Porkopolis’s Reincarnation & Brady’s Food Adventures (15:00– 42:05)

• Old Porkopolis Location Now Indian/Middle Eastern Restaurant: The crew notes the aging “Porkopolis” sign still stands, despite years since its closure, now replaced by a restaurant called “Bhakwani” (Bagwani), sparking jokes about ethnic spelling and cuisine. (15:30)
• Brady's Curiosity: Brady admits, “Curious to see what they...,” leading to relentless teasing for venturing into the old BBQ spot for curry and goat. (16:25)
• Cultural Satire & Irreverent Humor: The crew launches into satirical routines about the menu, decor, and their own paranoia (“too many K's and H's in it”), fusing absurdity with ethnic stereotypes, e.g., “I can tell you by the sign. It's terrible. There's too many K's in it… K's and H's next to each other.” – John (16:26)
• Goat as a Menu Item:
  • “You wouldn't know. You know, I know you don't like it because since then you've never gone home and slow roasted one. And if you liked goat, you'd make one yourself.” – John on Brady’s culinary forays (40:23)
  • “Goat. Goat with sauce. Goat hoof. Goat deep fried. And then you're like, I don't know what it is.” – John (38:26)
• Porkopolis Nostalgia & Skits:
  • Recollection of what the place “used to be,” with the crew imagining Brady revisiting as a confused customer.
  • Skits about finding bomb-making materials and inside jokes (“They make goat and bombs in the back”) delivered in character voices.
• Memorable Satirical Moment:
  • “I would love to film Brady walking around and you do thing where he's just looking up and the camera spins. It spins around you. Like carousels. Around you. You just look like you're... lost in it.” – John (22:29)

3. News: Man Runs onto Sky Harbor Runway (30:15, 42:05)

• Incident Overview: They discuss a news story in which a man was arrested after climbing a fence and running onto Sky Harbor’s runway.
• Holmberg’s Policy Proposal: John suggests that so-called “dummy crimes”—outrageous, senseless acts—should receive automatic life sentences, regardless of mental health defenses. “You go to jail forever. That's the punishment.” (31:32)
• Hostile Act Theory: John ties the lack of accountability in society, including the criminal justice system, to broader cultural shifts—deriding both wokeness and lack of consequences for bizarre behavior.
• Notable Quotes:
  • “Dummy crimes are life sentence. And that's a dummy crime.” – John (31:46)
  • “I'm tired of being nice to that. That's enough. It's an excuse. Now we've abused it.” – John on mental health defenses (34:10)
  • “You don't climb fences at airports. Immediately should just laser that dude. Like, whatever, anything. Just obliterate him. Him. No funeral, no car wash to raise money for his pine casket. He's out. You're done.” (42:25)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “That's like Jeffrey Epstein going, 'This is the best preschool in all the land.' It's like, oh my God, you don't want to be on that one.” – John Holmberg, 06:08
• “Our moron bosses just want those numbers to rise. They don't care who. They just want something.” – John, 02:38
• “You have to be a 1%er in the 1 percenter to get.” – John, 04:10
• “K's and H's next to each other. I'm out!” – John, 16:33
• “Goat. Goat with sauce. Goat hoof. Goat deep fried. And then you're like, I don't know what it is.” – John, 38:26
• “Dummy crimes are life sentence. And that's a dummy crime.” – John, 31:46

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Important Segments & Timestamps

• Contest Announcement Build-up: 01:08–10:23
• Porkopolis Site & Restaurant Talk: 15:00–42:05
  • Nostalgic reminiscing and skits: 17:01–25:00
  • Menu discoveries (goat, noodles, etc.): 37:37–41:18
• Sky Harbor Runway Story & Criminal Justice Discussion: 30:15; picks up again at 42:05

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Tone and Language

The episode is packed with punchy, playful sarcasm and biting wit, often veering into edgy humor and rapid-fire roast-style exchanges between the hosts. Cultural satire and inside jokes are present throughout, but the group’s camaraderie and rhythm keep the tone lively and unmistakably “HMS.”

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For Those Who Haven’t Listened

• Expect a fun, freewheeling hour heavy on the inside jokes and Arizona regional flavor.
• The new KUPD contest announcement is the main event—details and instructions revolve around boosting app downloads and community engagement, but the exact prize remains a secret until 8am.
• Fans of the show’s irreverent humor will enjoy the extended riffing on the fate of Porkopolis and the absurdities of both restaurant branding and criminal sentencing.
• The episode is a great example of Holmberg’s blend of radio “old school” cynicism mixed with quick-witted improvisation and interactive listener engagement.

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Note: All timestamps in MM:SS format based on transcript start.

Transcript

[A]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition, and accessories. Hey, it's Brett Vesely and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[B]

Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one. Tell him not to put himself at risk and come into M and P Guns where he'll get a fair offer and he can rest easy knowing it's not getting into the wrong hands.

[A]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[B]

Easy. Legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it online. It really that simple?

[A]

There you have it. MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms.

[C]

It's John Holmberg here from the morning sickness to tell you about the Core Institute. People who met me found out that I've had four major operations in the last four years. They're blown away. I've had both shoulders replaced and both hips replaced because I was an absolute disaster before my surgeries. I was in pain. Now no one knows I've had any issues. People who hear multiple surgeries assume they'll never be the same again. It's just not true. I'm better than I've been in 20 years. Stop quitting the things you love and get back to being the pain free you. You love the Core Institute dot com.

[D]

You thought that was funny?

[C]

You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? Good morning, everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Wednesday, if you will. It is already halfway through the week. My name's John. There's Brady, there's Brett, there's Big Dick Toledo. And we are off and running on a very exciting day here. We got a. I've got 8 o'. Clock. I got to wait it out until 8 o' clock to let you know

[E]

that we've got cards in here ready to go.

[C]

Nope. I got my. I got my stuff. I got the announcement for 8 o' clock right here. And I'm not kidding. I'm telling you right now. I told everybody yesterday, people who hate us, people who like us, I don't care. All you have to do is go to the person next to you and say, I need you to download the KUPD app. Now you does two things. It keeps the radio bobs happy because they don't really look into the depth of anything. They're not smart enough. They're very shallow people. So they only look at the surface numbers and then hire someone else to dive deeper into the numbers. They don't know, and then they act like they figured it all out. Basically, the simple, they want us to have people on the app. So download the app and tell your friends who listen. Tell your friends who don't listen. Family members, neighbors, everything else. Download this app, get into a text thread with these people, and then every hour on the hour after we start this at 8am text the. The word I give you and have them all sign up too. And just say, look, in the end of this thing, if I win, I'll give you a few hundred bucks. How about that? Because you're going to be. You're going to be happy enough to do that and maybe even hand over, you know, halfsies on something for. But again, Grandma's grandpa, it doesn't matter. Our. Our moron bosses just want those numbers to rise. They don't care who. They just want something.

[E]

Right?

[C]

They're never gonna go, wow, we had like 7,000 downloads of the app of people in their 80s. They'll think we did something like John's really appealing to the elderly. And then we'll have like nothing but Cadillac commercials for a month until that number drops again. But it doesn't matter. You'll have like hospice and Cadillac and what happened? Well, we already have like Herman's Hermits have been on here for a couple months. So there's. There, trust me, that's how this business works. It's run by idiots. So. And then you get on the, on the computer as well, and you just get as many people as to be part of this in your circle. Build a team, because you're going to want to win. The thing we've got for you today, I, I think this is. And we've had some good stuff. This is one of the top fivers we've all done since I've been here for 25 plus years. This is like now. It's awesome and it's unique and everybody in their. In their brain says, oh, I would love to dot, dot, dot. Well, we're going to give you the dot, dot, dot. So many people are priced out of this thing, and that's not fair. We're going to get you in there. We're not going. Brady can't go. We can't be part of it. You can't own this.

[E]

What?

[C]

Yeah, well, you can, but you're not. You're. You ain't doing it, man. This is super exclusive. You have to be a 1%er in the 1 percenter to get.

[A]

All right.

[C]

I'm telling you right now, I'm not going. It's the thing for.

[A]

Well, there's a hint.

[C]

Not going. I'm not going to. Yes.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Fred's with me on this one. Eight o'. Clock. I'm not allowed to say a word until eight because there's a national announcement that goes along with this.

[A]

This is only our station, though.

[C]

The only ones doing is.

[A]

Okay, so a national announcement. So it's not, like, be the 900th call.

[C]

There's 100 other stations and no, we don't pull that crap. We don't do that.

[A]

I figured.

[C]

But the corporate radio thing is lost on this station.

[E]

Okay.

[C]

And by the way, I'd like to congratulate this building for having. Was it a number 11 morning show? The number eight. Not us in the building. No, Izzy was number 11. Number eight was 13, I think. Well, she's. Okay. 13th. All right, and then. And then Larry was excited yesterday until I told him he was the number eight program director for rock station in the country. But again, it was all done by a company we pay. So hilarious that awards were being handed out.

[A]

He should have got higher than that then.

[C]

Wait a minute.

[A]

We need to give up that payment.

[C]

That's what I said. People will say, well, you can't.

[E]

You can't make it look that obvious.

[C]

Yeah, we're not on the list. Of course we're not. I'm fine with that.

[A]

What happened?

[C]

We're not very good at this. We're terrible at it. And I'm fine with that. I. Any. Any.

[A]

Because we turned it into a podcast.

[C]

And they do. They know. Yeah, because we're not. Yeah, you're right. They know. I would make fun of any company that awards itself. Awards and then starts bragging about it. I would make fun of that. Which I'm doing right now. And they're like, well, hell, ruin it. I'm gonna ruin it anyway. And then there's another chance also that they don't like us and we're terrible and that we didn't make the cut. And I'm fine with that too. Good. Anytime radio executives start saying that's a good show and it's me, I'm doing something wrong. Anytime radio executives get in a room and I. That Holberg show is one of our favorites. So I go, yikes, we gotta change everything. These idiots don't know what radio, good radio sounds like. They've ruined entire industry every time I'm not on their list. I'm doing something great. For sure. Yeah, that's like Jeffrey Epstein going, this is the best preschool in all the land. It's like, oh my God, you don't want to be on that one. That's right. I just compared our bosses to Jeffrey Epstein and I mean it. Except Repein's better at what he did, not including Tripp. He's not included in that one. He didn't ruin his business. No, no, no. Our boss. No, I'm talking like all radio executives, not even just our company. Like all of them. I've sat back for a quarter century and watched. Watched them slowly dig the grave.

[E]

Platoon.

[C]

Yeah. And then they poke their little heads out of the grave and going, what's happening? Stop digging. We can't help but dig the grave. All right, either way, I've got it figured out. I can help you get in your text thread this morning and bother about 15. Each of you should bother about 15 people. Here's the other part of this. I don't know. I don't know.

[F]

I don't know.

[C]

Maybe you can. I don't know if you can sell this after the thing we give you. I don't know if it's possible to sell this. I. Maybe it becomes your possession. So I suppose you could, but I don't know for sure. But if you win it and you're like, yuck, I don't want that. It's thousands and thousands of dollars of it. It's. It's lucrative, but I don't think you can sell it. Or maybe it's non transferable, I don't know. We'd have to look into that. But get your friends and family on board. This is a great prize.

[A]

If it's just good, why would you sell it?

[C]

Huh?

[A]

I mean, you're selling this pretty high.

[C]

There's always people who. And, and save it. You know what? All you weirdos right now, just text. You don't know what it is yet, but email me and go, that's it.

[D]

Just stupid.

[C]

Just email now. Get it out of your system. No matter what we say at 8 o' clock there's going to be 10 or 11 people who are douchebags, who hate everything, who.

[D]

I thought it was going to be a big deal. I do that.

[C]

All right, all right. Email me now that everything we're going to do at 8 o' clock is stupid and we'll just get it out of the system there. And it's just hourly words.

[D]

That's it.

[C]

We're making it easy. Just the same as the nine Inch nails that we did first because we wanted to kind of train you to be, you know, ready to go when this started. And we're going to do these a couple. This is a big one, but this is going to be great stuff. You boys don't even know what it is. No, not at all. Larry didn't even hint you last week, right? No, nothing. Not a clue. That's great. You're going to love it.

[A]

You better deliver on this.

[C]

I'm delivering, baby, or I'm going to email you. Right? Just do it now.

[E]

I've already started.

[C]

Just do it now. Yeah, because it's nothing worse than like real cynical dickheads that are already upset at the thing. They don't even know what it is.

[D]

You made it such a big deal. You really overhyped this one.

[C]

Just. Just get it now. Because I didn't. And when you look at the value of it's the people who go. Remember when we gave away that vintage car on our 40th anniversary? We gave away. That was a Camaro or a Trans Camaro. We gave away a Camaro and it was 40 years old. It was the same age as the Station of the Rock version. And that's pretty neat. And some guy's like.

[D]

It's kinda like. He's like an old car. Like.

[C]

Well, yeah, that's what the whole point was.

[D]

Yeah, I don't want that.

[C]

So you don't want to win a free car? You can sell it.

[D]

Yeah, I gotta pay taxes.

[C]

Like then don't play and don't. What are you doing?

[E]

You know, you were rock right off the bat.

[C]

You know, the lamest people in the world are the people who think you're also. I'm going to talk to you like a Gen Z. Er. Whatever. Boomer. When taxes are the first thing you think of, you're an idiot. That's it. When lottery winners who are like, well, the taxes tip. Stop it.

[A]

Carlos wants to know if it's a rah rah room pass for. For the year.

[C]

No, I'll never have you in there. Okay, now Carlos, you should be able to get in. I mean the back the kitchen. But I mean you should be able to. That would be fun. Although the Suns are so decimated with injuries right now.

[A]

Is anybody playing anymore?

[C]

No. And it's just a sad state of affairs. It's such a fun, good team. But they've. You Know everybody's hurt, but Dylan Brooks broke his arm. You know, it's just tough. And they're, they've. They got 80 points sitting on IR right now every game. And they played for two quarters with the Celtics last night. And then Boston became the clear better team and they don't have a bench. The Suns are toast. And it's a shame, but still got to tip your cap to what they've accomplished so far. But now with Brooks out till probably they're hanging on to a seven or eight seed. And this was a team that could have, you know, won 48, 49 games if they'd have kept on it. They're. They were fun. Yeah. And so, God, I'm excited about 8 o'. Clock. I just kind of want to fast forward. Yeah. I just want to jump to 8. What is going on with this? This microphone's going crazy today anyway. Says, I'm not going to fly to space with Katy Perry after this. I'm selling it, man. Yeah, well, that's a pretty good one. And I wouldn't say we're going to shoot you out of the atmosphere.

[D]

That seems to be some sort of

[C]

legal liability, but it's a good. You know what? You can guess too. How about that? If you.

[A]

What if they guess it right, though? Can you.

[C]

Yeah, I'll tell you. I'll let you know in the email. This one says that's it, John. What a stupid prize. Thank you. Michael said nobody wants your dumb signed yarmulke. All right, hilarious. But I have one of those. This is a great. The one eyed Jew's gonna end up trying to keep this for himself. All right, that's enough one eyed jokes. The Jew thing I'm getting used to. Yeah. Is it a Brady striptease? That's something you can't sell. That's true. I could.

[D]

You would struggle. It is.

[C]

It is. Without price, that is. Sure, I want to look the word priceless up there, but you and 12

[E]

friends are guests at the next State of the Union.

[C]

Oh, heck, that would have been pretty good last night. That was kind of fun to watch at the hockey team. You could have met a lot of celebrities. Melania looked like a billion dollars. She wears men's clothes and she still looks hot. Remember Hillary did it and everybody laughed at her. Melania showed up last night in like a men's suit, unbuttoned, a little like, oh, man.

[E]

Documentary. Put her to the next level.

[C]

Did you watch that?

[E]

No.

[C]

No. Oh, you're saying that she got the exposure. Yeah, she's she's gotten enough exposure, but man, she looked great. And she sits there with that it's sort of resting bitch face and I just got laid face all together. Like you just nailed a bitch. That's what she looks like to me. She looks mean and also like satisfied. I like that. I don't care about politics with what she thinks and feels and neither should you. Again, I've said that a million times in my life. If a hot girl has different political beliefs than you and that keeps you from banging her, you've become a giant pussy. Real man. Before the NBA enacted the hostile act rules that we all are like not fighting back on and before the NFL started to review if quarterbacks can take hits. Back when we were men, you pretended to like the views of the hot girl no matter if she was insane or not, just to get a piece of it. You shook your head when she asked a question.

[F]

You play for the lobsters?

[C]

Yes, I do. Just cause you're in a Scottsdale scorpion's hat. Whatever she says, she's right.

[A]

It's the pussification of a man.

[C]

It really is. And we somehow another spun it to go.

[D]

You're a pussy for agreeing with her.

[C]

A good woman likes a pushback, you know, A good man likes a pushback. And the only way to get pushback is to get her pants off. This is ridiculous. How do I have to explain everything now? This one says, I can't believe you dumbasses hyped this garbage. Dumbest idea since the wnba. Thanks. Bob's Churchill. Yeah, thank you, Churchill. These are the types of emails I'm looking forward to when we actually do announce what is a great thing. It's gonna be awesome.

[A]

Dinner, Porkopolis, free Brady sauce for a year.

[C]

You win a Porkopolis, we're gonna give you the keys to a Porkopolis and see if you can do it. See if you can make it work.

[A]

Front row tickets to Dandar.

[E]

You start sign already.

[C]

Is the sign still there?

[E]

Still up there?

[C]

It is.

[E]

Yeah. Glows at night.

[C]

Well, it's the light.

[E]

Not during the day.

[D]

Yeah, I wouldn't do that though.

[C]

They're called lights.

[E]

We can't see it during the day.

[C]

Where's the sign at?

[E]

The. The 202 Arizona Avenue.

[C]

Oh, and that big monument has all the stuff inside of it. Tells you what. All the stores in there.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

They didn't change Porkopolis out? No, it's still there. You drive by and you look at it, you know. You bastard. It's been years Now. Oh, yeah. And they still haven't climbed that ladder. And it's the.

[E]

It's been eight years because everything in

[C]

that center has changed into some Indian bazaar.

[A]

Kevin and the crew haven't changed the sign over to their restaurant.

[C]

Restaurant Bhakwani.

[E]

Yeah, I think that's how.

[C]

And it still says Porkopolis on the thing.

[E]

No, it just on the. Yeah, on the. On the big.

[C]

That's what I'm talking about. And that's the announcement of everything in the center.

[E]

Airstream. And then this. Just a white square when it's lit up.

[C]

It's the Airstream. The trailer place. Yep. They sell trailers at that place.

[E]

Airstream.

[A]

The old Sam's Club.

[E]

Sam's Club.

[C]

Oh, that's not a Sam's Club anymore. Oh, geez. Everything's shut down over there.

[D]

I don't know about that.

[C]

Holy cow.

[E]

The Tell Brothers grocery store.

[D]

They're doing all right.

[A]

Have you eaten there since you went

[C]

into the old Porkopolis and ate that garbage? Yeah, that foreign nonsense. What kind of American are you? I'm taking your gold medal away. You really went in to Halal Meats?

[E]

Curious to see what they.

[C]

Curious? Yeah. I can tell you by the sign. It's terrible. There's too many K's in it.

[A]

Too much curry.

[C]

There's a K's and H's next to each other.

[E]

No, K's and H. What is it?

[C]

Well, there isn't. There's an H. There's always an H. There's probably a G or an L next to it. Doesn't make any sense. Lhasa Apso meals. I'm not eating there. K's and H is next to each other. I'm out.

[E]

How was it?

[C]

Terrible. I'll answer for him.

[A]

I know that.

[C]

But he'll tell you it's not bad. No, he's. No, he's still trying to get a free meal. Lamb and Singapore noodles There. Made by Indians.

[E]

Yeah, it's a.

[C]

You're an idiot. This is a terrible.

[D]

There's not a fusion. It's just.

[C]

What do you want when they made you some ramen?

[A]

He don't know.

[D]

Don't.

[F]

He does not know a thing about.

[C]

This is part of our culture. You eat this.

[F]

This is like top ramen.

[C]

No, no, no, my friend. It's halakalam Al Hala. Halak. How do you spell that? K, H, K, H, L, K, H, K, H, L, L, L. Whatever the

[E]

foot noodles were, they were good.

[C]

You're insane. I wandered back in there out of curiosity, having owned Porkopolis. I'd wander back in and gone what color green did they paint this? Because I'm pretty sure there's like green and some gold letters that I don't know what they are. And then like pictures of the World Trade center and people dancing. That's my guess. That's what I'm a throw out there as a guess of the rebuild inside. And then they serve you. How dare you. How dare you serve Asian noodles with whatever Pakistani place they've got going on.

[E]

Yeah, you're right about terrible. It's not a world map. They got a. Oh yeah, the United States.

[C]

And then like fire.

[E]

There are other restaurants around there and

[C]

bullseyes, you know, like where they're located.

[E]

It's like Rocky Dennis's map.

[C]

No, no, the bullseye is where this conversation ends. They put bullseyes over cities and then fire over a few of them with the dancing people in the skirts. I don't play that game. I'm not going to any kh. KHKH stores are out. I'm out.

[A]

Does it still look the same inside

[C]

or they change it up?

[E]

Okay, it's the same.

[C]

And I don't care how much you try to convince me.

[E]

Something closed off the kitchen though.

[C]

Yeah, they did. I don't want you to see that. That's where their plans hatch. So their plans are hatched and some dude just sitting there on the ground with a pot and dirty hands scrubbing up bomb making materials and noodles for. We have a customer for what? He wants food. What they we make bombs here. They don't know that though. They see this is a cover, my friend.

[E]

I had to wait for my table. They hand me a cell phone. We'll call you when you're up.

[D]

Hello, Wel. Can I help you?

[F]

Yeah, I see that you got a lot of bolts on here.

[D]

Yes, we're bomb making facility. Are you an idiot?

[A]

Leave your pager at the door.

[F]

Well, I don't want to be a racist, but I would have never guessed.

[D]

Then you're an idiot. That's what we do is trap them to ourselves.

[F]

They're doing that much.

[E]

The news the delivery Toyota truck is out there.

[C]

The 50 cal of burritos. I'm not eating in that. And he went in and you had a meal.

[E]

You want to sit outside with sandbags?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Did you tell everybody like in there,

[F]

this used to be my playground?

[C]

I did you start singing that Madonna

[F]

used to be my playground.

[D]

We have a very large woman who is upset singing Madonna in our. We don't Know why?

[C]

And I think he wants food. Like we have to actually make food for him.

[D]

This will be our first cult customer. And I don't understand what. Okay, then we'll go handle all our problems.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

We didn't have. This wall used to be

[A]

this.

[F]

This wall used to be. Thank you, Brett. This wall used to be. I gotta stay in character while I giggle. This used to be red, and it said Porkopolis. Now it's just a map of the United States with bullseyes on it and little fires in New York.

[C]

That's neat.

[D]

Must be.

[F]

They must be electricians and stuff. And they know how to. How come there's a bullseye in San Antonio?

[D]

We must destroy the. The fats.

[F]

This used to be my playground.

[D]

What is wrong with you, lady?

[C]

I'm a boy.

[F]

This used to be my.

[E]

The tabletops are all stacked on the computer towers.

[F]

This used to be the place I ran to.

[D]

Do you want to order noodles or not?

[F]

Hide down there.

[C]

Yeah.

[F]

This was where I used to stand and do nothing. Called it the hostess stand. Know what to do.

[E]

I'm going there today.

[F]

All right. This is where I used to stand with a bartender. I hired a black guy to be the bartender. He couldn't make drinks, but I hired him anyways. Now he's my slave at home. He cleans my house on Thursdays.

[E]

Rodney yesterday.

[F]

Rodney buffet yesterday. Hello, Rodney.

[E]

Great job.

[F]

He used to be a bartender at the Porkopolis.

[D]

We don't have bar. No alcohol.

[F]

That's right. Oh, doesn't like that, does he? I don't like it either.

[C]

I'm feeling.

[F]

Anyway, you guys were really specific about the dancing people around Manhattan. Could you explain that?

[D]

Yes. When the towers went down, we celebrated greatly. We lost 19 good men that day.

[E]

They're up on the wall.

[C]

Yeah, they're in the bathroom.

[E]

Employees of the month.

[C]

Yes.

[D]

We tell you exactly what they are. Employees of all time.

[C]

They're hall of fame.

[D]

They have a Porkopolis Forever card.

[C]

You went in there and ate at a place with too many K's and H's. You're a moron. Brady will drive up anywhere that just says cuisine. You try to convince me that something called pho isn't a joke against us. People like Brady go wandering in there.

[D]

Pho.

[F]

What's that taste like?

[C]

Oh, you're gonna have love. Pho. What are the fuffle.

[F]

Fat lady, I'm a boy.

[C]

I would love to film Brady walking around and you do thing where he's just looking up and the camera spins. It spins around you. Like carousels. Around you. You just look like you're.

[D]

You're lost in it. We got to go today.

[C]

Yeah, it's almost worth it.

[D]

It's almost film. Oh, I'm not going with you.

[C]

Well, hire just a film. Hire Magma. Do it. You're an idiot. Can't believe you set foot back in there. It was bad enough to eat a porkopolis. You went back into the worst part. Towards the end there, it's like, oh, it's just lonesome. And now you just too.

[F]

You guys seem to make food with hammers and drills. That kitchen sounds busy.

[D]

They're making bombs, you moron.

[F]

What is this here on the menu? It says hang glider lessons.

[D]

Yes, it's a feature for just today.

[F]

Okay, I'll take two hang glider lessons and a holla. Holla, Holla, Holla.

[C]

Yeah, you can call it bigoted, but that's what their food is, and I'll never eat it. No, but I'm dying to see Brady walk around with this song playing in the background.

[D]

Just.

[E]

I gotta queue it up at the table.

[C]

It'll be even better. Brett. He walks up to the door. It's not.

[D]

It's locked.

[C]

One in the afternoon.

[F]

How do they keep their business afloat?

[D]

There's a big woman outside, and she's shaking the door. So you don't suppose.

[C]

Are you guys open?

[F]

This was my playground.

[C]

What the hell is wrong with her?

[E]

Kind of cool. All the tables are facing east.

[D]

Let her in. Let her in.

[F]

They don't have tables. They're just rugs. What's going on? Excuse me, Aladdin.

[A]

Do you.

[F]

Hey, I'd like the Aladdin special. Ooh, the Jasmine. That sounds good. I'll have. Do you guys have genies?

[D]

He went to hear Madonna and just

[C]

walk through the kitchen.

[D]

Do we.

[C]

Do we show him the kitchen?

[D]

Look, my friend, he's so oblivious. I think he'll walk right by bombs and not know.

[F]

Was that a smoker? Geez, that thing looks. Where's the top of it?

[D]

We forgot to put a hinge on the top. So the meat is forever trapped inside. The goats live in there.

[C]

There.

[E]

What's in the wood cases?

[C]

Nothing.

[D]

Don't worry about that. That's where we keep the chicken feathers.

[F]

Oh, yeah. I got to keep those feathers out of the meals.

[C]

The meals? Oh, yes, the meals.

[D]

Yes, of course, the meals. We make meals. Cool.

[E]

You're working with Clay.

[C]

Did you go. Did you bitterly go on a yelp afterwards as one started on Brady Logan's things?

[F]

I like the old Place better. Zalala's hostility every day.

[C]

Paradophilus turned into terrorism.

[D]

Welcome to 91 1s. Can I help you?

[C]

Oh yeah.

[F]

Emergency. Emergency.

[C]

I'm hungry. Yes, there was a tower special. We do the two tower specials and

[D]

all you can eat. Two towers.

[C]

You want building seven?

[D]

We didn't do that one. You guys did that one building. We did building seven. But building seven is a very good chicken sandwich with on it.

[F]

That's just a loogie.

[D]

Hey, he gets it now.

[C]

Finally.

[D]

You think we want to serve you, you infidel.

[C]

No,

[F]

you guys are really assimilated to our culture by this map of America is super accurate. Look at all the freeways. You have all the freeways on here.

[E]

Like.

[F]

And the bridges are marked.

[E]

This is cool. Let me help you with this one. You got this a little wrong.

[F]

This is right. The coordinates of this are a little different because there's a raising canes there. So I know that that road goes under the. Not above it.

[A]

Did I get the flight number?

[C]

93.

[F]

Oh, I have a flight 93.

[D]

Yeah, that is a. It's a big big bowl into a. It's a greens and it's just a huge hole in greens.

[F]

Oh yeah, because that's.

[D]

They crashed into a big field of grass. Yes, I understand.

[F]

Can I have the. Let's roll.

[D]

Let's you get rolls right off the bat.

[C]

It's a basket of let's rolls.

[E]

All the plates are shaped like pentagon.

[C]

Yeah, little pentagon shaped.

[D]

Yeah, we'll have the. For dessert. We'll have a Bush Cheney. They're very. The clowns come out and deliver ice cream. Anyway, these jokes are brand. We are living in the past. We know we need a new. We need a new hit. We're sort of the Kashagoo goo of terror really. How do you get better than what we did though?

[C]

Anyway, that's how that works. Sorry. Good to be home. Glad to have one eye for that.

[F]

I ate there once.

[C]

He says and Brett are like wash him like Silkwood. How often. How long after Porkopolis shut down did you go in and eat it?

[E]

Probably a year.

[C]

You wanted a year till they got it. Till they got it straight together. Till they started getting the bomb making material at a, you know, high.

[D]

We were enriching uranium in the kitchen.

[C]

If you.

[F]

Oh yeah, yeah. They gotta have that for the sauces, right?

[D]

Yes, that's right. Will you please stop walking around nostalgically? You're making us feel terrible and we don't have feelings.

[A]

Andrew wants to know if you had the infidel special?

[C]

Yeah, I'd like to have the.

[D]

The infidels was the 72 virgins who are sullied before they come to your table. They sully the sluts, and then we bring them out. They used to be virgins, but now they are just typical.

[C]

White Horse

[A]

Genie's the waiter.

[D]

What do you need?

[F]

The Blue Genie.

[C]

I'll take the Sunni rice he's going to make. Then they just. One guy leaves.

[E]

Leaves.

[C]

Comes back with a bag of food, or doordash shows up.

[D]

Here's your order.

[F]

Did you not cook this?

[D]

Yeah, we took it around back then

[C]

because the kitchen is fully functional for food.

[D]

Yes, of course. Let's just pull a cup of noodles out. Here you go.

[C]

Wow. I never thought I'd read these words.

[A]

What's up?

[C]

The email says this reminds me of that episode of Gomer Pile. I should stop now. It does. You've been putting that in your back pocket for a couple years. There was a couple of guys trying to break into a bank from the basement of a restaurant that they weren't actually making food in. Gomer and his girlfriend. Girlfriend. That was a good comedy. They went in to eat, and the guys had to actually make them food as they were trying to cut through the wall in the basement. Yes. Well, that's where I get most of my inspiration, is old Gomer piles.

[E]

Busted.

[C]

We finally found my fountain of of stuff.

[E]

We're going to have to go to gun smoke now.

[C]

Yeah, I got to move off Gomer Pile now and get into Get Smart. Yeah. My Gomer Pile Robin days are over. Dang. Oh, man, it got us through 25 years. So many classic ideas. That's why for years. And if you listen to the best of a lot of the times, you'll hear me when Brady says something. I just go, pow.

[D]

And then, oops.

[C]

I can't do that. Dump that. Yeah, dump that. Dump that. They'll know.

[D]

Edwards Morning sun sickness. Hol's morning Sickness.

[C]

This one says, damn, John, I think Brett missed you. He didn't belly laugh once. While Larry filled in not being racist. I missed this, Brett. Yeah, well, I'll bring that party to Brett's. Look how fast Brett cues up the tunes.

[E]

Oh, there's one. There was. There's one Time for Sure videos.

[C]

Oh, well, yeah, when Larry's uncomfortable, bro. Oh, that was great. Yeah, yeah, we can do that anytime. Anyway. Oh, by the way, speaking of a terrorist, some dude just climbed the fence and started running around on the Sky Harbor's Runway, and we Thought we were over that. I have a. I have a. Like, I'm watching. And there it's. It's not enough to, like, change the. Everything. There's one dude, right? But since it's so infrequent, I think, like, those types of crimes that, like, one dude does life sentence. Like, no, there's no, like, that's it. Like, that'll discourage. Because, you know, people go, oh, he had mental health. There's plenty of people with mental health disorders that aren't climbing on to the. He knew what he was doing whether he was mentally unhealthy or not. And clearly he's mentally unhealthy to the point where life sentence makes sense. Sense. You do one of those dummy crimes where it's like, all right, no one else is doing this. Like, you're the only one. You go to jail forever. That's the punishment. Like, life sentence. And people like, well, he can be rehabilitated. Nope. Then don't do it, because you don't have to be rehabilitated if you don't do the dumb thing. So just. That's it. And because the guy in the news last night was like, well, there's signs saying not to do it. Like, everybody knows. The craziest person on the planet knows not to climb the fence and run around on the. On the run way, I think.

[E]

And there. I don't know. It's hard to not to believe the reason why he's doing that. He's wanting to get caught.

[C]

I don't care. Yeah, just your life sentence.

[E]

I mean, just like the kid that, you know, did Mir Laga the good.

[C]

All right, fine.

[E]

He got his life sentence.

[C]

Whatever your motivation is and why you're doing it, dummy crimes are life sentence. And that's a dummy crime. That's a. That's one of those dummy crimes. In fact, they should, like, lower it down to, like, tons of. Of felonies that we give people second to know you would. And it's not even like Middle Eastern where they look, they don't have a lot of crime over there. It's a little, you know, to push too far the other way, but they pretty much keep it crime free. There's too much going on there. Where. That's why I always wonder why I see those specials where there's gays and like, Islamabad, and they'll do a thing like, it's so hard to be gay here. And I'm like, yeah, it is. I'd choose the. I would power through some vagina before I'd like risk the morality police at night finding me in one of their blue robes. Just, you know. And then I saw this one specialist dude was. It's the locked up abroad. Yeah. And he's over there in the. And he's gay and he wants a piece like, have some pride and jerk it in your house. So he gets to another guy who gives him. This is back in the days where you had to download AOL and things like that. He gives him a disc and he says, put this in your computer. It's the dark web. We can be gay on that. I don't know how he found this guy, but he did. Remember the dude we talked about a few months ago that opened the gay bar in Pakistan? I was like, they're gonna blow that up. That's going away.

[A]

Whatever happened to him, by the way?

[C]

He's long dead.

[E]

Vapors.

[C]

But the dude got, you know, on the gay Internet over there and then started having dudes in blue rubs hanging around his house at like five, six o' clock at night. And he's like, oh, the blue rubs, what are they doing here? Like, what are they doing here? Like, you're, you're. You broke like a huge rule there. I wouldn't be gay. I don't care if I was Ms. J from America's Next Top Model. I would be in a suit and I'd be. Lady's got a great eye. I don't know what they see, but. Yeah, you don't. You just don't. So dummy crimes are. You go climbing around on our runways immediately. It's like you're arrested and you face a life sentence. And it'll keep even crazies off from doing that. And plus, it's like, good, we got him. Like, people who jump fences and run on freeways, they ain't coming back to society normal. That's just you. Nobody wants what was. I think nobody. I was really off that day. Now you're not coming back.

[E]

We're.

[C]

Let's be done with that. And you get those people with mental health, you know, like, oh, he's got it.

[E]

Just.

[C]

I'm tired of being nice to that. That's enough. It's an excuse. Now we've abused it. It used to be real and now everybody has something mental health that causes them not to take accountability. And that's really what it is. And like yesterday, the thing I blame most was when the NBA let women ref. Seems like that's when it all went haywire with accountability. Like, once we let women start making decisions on an NBA court, all the rules changed. Even outside of the NBA, where we have to tolerate somebody who jumps out onto a Runway at a major airport. And we got mental issues. Yeah, I know. We used to lock those people up like nobody's business. Ever since the introduct of the hostile act in the NBA, it seems like we've lost all accountability. You just be accountable. I made a mistake. I jumped a fence and I went onto the freeway or the Runway at the airport. Like, oh, that's a life sentence. Yeah, I'm going to jail forever now. I was dumb. Yeah, but are you mentally disturbed? I don't think we even need to really look into that. I think immediately when I started to climb the airport fence, I announced my mental disturbing. I am disturbed for sure. Sure.

[F]

What are you guys talking about? I'm in heaven.

[D]

There's no heaven. There's enough heaven. You don't go to outer heaven.

[C]

I've got to get you over there. Are they spitting your food? You know that, right? Did you tell them I used to own this place?

[E]

It's good stuff.

[C]

Did you tell them?

[E]

No.

[C]

You didn't?

[E]

No.

[C]

You went in there and didn't say.

[E]

The person that was, you know, waiting

[C]

on me, really not interested in you at all. He was busy.

[E]

Busy.

[C]

It's busy learning how to take. Have a plane take off. He's learning half of how to fly.

[A]

How much scrubbing did they have to do before they opened up? Because all the pork in there.

[C]

Oh my God.

[D]

I mean, the blessings.

[C]

I mean, you're right, man. I didn't think of that, you know.

[E]

Well, there.

[C]

Yeah, go ahead. Did you help scrub the pork?

[E]

I'm not sure. I mean, if it's Indian.

[C]

It is an Indian.

[E]

Is it Hindu?

[C]

What are they? Oh, that was Middle Eastern. You don't know.

[A]

Let me see if I can find the place.

[E]

I don't think it was Middle Eastern. It's more. It was an Indian restaurant.

[C]

Indians don't have K's and H's.

[E]

No, it was B A G, W A N I bar.

[C]

Yeah, you don't know. What did you call them though? The names of the dudes who run it? I thought it was all Middle Eastern now. You don't know.

[E]

Oh, Patel brothers.

[C]

Yeah, well, that is Indian. Yeah, well, either way, it scares me to too many K's and H's in a restaurant title and I'm out. Fu isn't food. It's a joke. Yeah, it's not a thing. I got people tell me that all

[E]

time money or something. Like that.

[A]

There is a Patel Brothers in that shopping cent.

[C]

Yeah, that's the. That's where they. That's where they sell the ham.

[E]

Grocery store.

[C]

That's right. They'd have to scrub that too, because there used to be a Jamba Juice in there. I don't think.

[E]

Still there. The smoothie place that survived and now they're Middle Eastern.

[C]

Oh, no, about that. The Jamba Juice made it. All this stuff's changing around them. Can't even get a Sam's Club to go through that.

[E]

Changed hands two or three times, but

[C]

they just kept it.

[E]

There it is. Yep. That's it.

[A]

4.1 stars.

[C]

There's a K. Nope. Okay. 4.1 stars.

[F]

Mine used to have four. Seven.

[E]

Go to the menu. Don't.

[C]

Go to the menu. Don't. Brett, I need to see that right now. All right. No, no, just. Brett, you did it. You did exactly what I said.

[E]

Goat. We got goat.

[C]

Of course you've got goat. Did you not expect goat to be the feature goat? There's a thing. I'm not going in Goats on the menu. We are a. We are first world. Did you not watch the president last night? And I want to make it so nobody eats goat. Especially. Especially in the. Somalians bring their Szechuan ha noodles. How do you know what to get off of that? You don't know what I got. But I got what are you on fire?

[D]

You read. Goat.

[C]

Goat. Goat with sauce. Goat hoof. Goat deep fried. And then you're like, I don't know what it is.

[F]

I'll take the noodles of noodle.

[C]

What's a Szechuan haka? Noodle? Brady. Why would you order that? Because it had a pepper next to it.

[A]

And I like spice.

[E]

Good spice. Good spice.

[D]

Haha.

[A]

Noodles stir fried with your choice of vegetable or meat in spicy Szechuan sauce.

[D]

Mita. You have choice of a protein of goat. Billy Bass.

[E]

Billy Bass.

[F]

I'll have some chicken.

[D]

No, no, no, no, no, my friend. God.

[C]

When I say vegetable, it means we

[D]

cut up people who are, you know, handicapped. We serve vegetable meat.

[E]

Seems to be a wheel on this.

[F]

Yeah, this is a cog.

[D]

Oh, sorry. That's for the other guys. Order.

[F]

That guy got so much food, he's got a flatbed. That's a heavy order.

[D]

Goat.

[C]

It says it right there. Yeah, like in big red letters.

[D]

These are goat selections.

[C]

Get the out of that restaurant. The second the word goat is prominently displayed on the menu, you're not an American anymore.

[E]

You're making me hungry, Brett.

[A]

Goat Fried biryani.

[C]

The obvious question. Everybody wants to know what's go taste like Brett Chicken? Is it that you had goat? No surprise there. Changed some goat. Your parents. Your dad fought in the Cuban revolution for the bad guys. He. He lied to the family for years about his involvement in the CIA and all sorts of stuff. He had kids with lunch ladies. He made a great living. He gave you guys a great life here in the United States. Why? So you could go play pretend you're dead poor and eat goat somewhere like you're in the deserts of Krapistan?

[E]

That's a good goat.

[C]

No, there's no such thing. Did you rate it?

[F]

That's not bad goat.

[C]

You wouldn't know. You know, I know you don't like it because since then you've never gone home and slow roasted one. And if you liked goat, you'd make one yourself. You've. Don't act like. Well, maybe I will. No, you won't, because it's gross and it's poor people food. And they're easy to catch. Food that's easy to catch outside of cows. God damn it. Are those delicious? And they're probably pretty borderline, like, we shouldn't be doing this, but there's so much good. Good at me goat. They're mean. They're ugly. They look. They look tough even when they're alive. That doesn't. That's not meat. I want. I want to. I want a docile animal that barely moves.

[E]

Yeah. I mean, it's down three or four on the list of meats.

[C]

Yeah. I want one that can fight back and actually win. The cow could actually get you a goat. Starts fighting, just step away and laugh like, he's mean, but he'll kill you if you're eating ram goat. Look at the garbage on that. How to hide.

[E]

There's the noodles right there. Brad, I think that's it.

[C]

This one here.

[E]

Szechuan. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. Ian said. I just left a review. Said the food here is bad. We've got Jim Brewer coming in later today, so. Go, boys. It's an appropriate start. Finish, anyway. All right, let's get a wake up song, shall we, for Brady and his silliness and. And everybody that jumps offense and goes on the Runway, it's life sentence. We don't dick around with your mental health anymore. I'm tired of that. Even, like crazy lefties, like the way far left fringe ones are. Like, this shouldn't even have prisons. You guys know, jumping over a fence and running around on a. On a Runway is like automatic. You're out of society. Right. We're done with him. We've had enough. And the second you start saying, well, he needed a second chance, when he blows up the chase building, you'd be

[F]

like, well, told you we don't need hindsight.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. Because you go without that. You know, hindsight is 20 20. History tells you everything. Due to CL around running around on a freeway or a Runway, he's up to no good. And it's not the last time he's going to do it.

[E]

Sorry. When flights delayed from the winter storms back east.

[C]

Yeah, well, I don't care. You don't climb fences at airports. But he's running around with his hand screaming and running around like, yeah, immediately should just laser that dude. Like, whatever, anything. Just obliterate him. Him. No funeral, no car wash to raise money for his pine casket. He's out. You're done. We done with you. Hey, Steve qualified for the job. It says here you had a felony. What you do? One day I climbed a fence and I ran around on a Runway. All right, we're done here. You're not getting a job ever. No, I'm over it. Nobody gets over that, dummy.

[A]

Try Chiba Hut.

[C]

Trevor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not going to get it. Chiba Hut would even be like, we're classy operation. We're not hiring some idiot who jumped a fence,

[D]

wanted to get out on the Runway.

[C]

All right, you're out. You're gonna snap again. This isn't an isolated incident. Very rarely does a CEO of a company like I turned it into a billion dollar operation. Then you Google him. He's like, I jumped a fence, ran around a Runway for a little while, started a little shaky. It's never happened. It's never going to and it never will. I'm old enough now to know trends are what they are. That guy, there's only.

[E]

There's only being one that is allowed that that has happened to that ran

[C]

around on a Runway.

[E]

No, not a Runway. But he did prison time. And then who? Dave's killer, Brett.

[C]

Oh, nobody knows what you're talking about, Brady. This is. He might have done a drug deal. That's not a dummy crime. That's what everybody's done. You have a felony on your record and still move on. You run around dummy crime Runway. You're not going to start Dave's killer bread after that. Yeah, food criminal. He knows that one. That's his goatee.

[A]

Maybe it was a door dash for down there.

[C]

They were delivering it at the airport.

[F]

Well, there is one little outlier to your story. The guy from Dave's killer.

[C]

Did he kill someone? And he calls it that because that's proof he's still crazy.

[E]

Yeah, I don't know. It was like.

[C]

You just know he did time.

[E]

He did time. Yeah.

[C]

And then he started bread. And that's your go to is crazy guy who got better. No, he didn't run around on a Runway. No, that's crazy. Back in your store, Give us a wake up song. 5, 8, 5 9, 800. This got me forgot how slow this thing? I just added my head? You give it to us, we'll scream it together?

[D]

It's 98k up Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.