02-26-25 - Diana Taurasi Announces Retirement From WNBA - Connecticut Cannibal Released From Prison Making Us Wonder If He's On A Registry And Has Truly Been Reformed

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona
Episode: 02-26-25 - Diana Taurasi Announces Retirement From WNBA - Connecticut Cannibal Released From Prison Making Us Wonder If He's On A Registry And Has Truly Been Reformed
Release Date: February 26, 2025
Host: John Holmberg
Co-Hosts: Brady Bogen, Brett Vesely, Dick Toledo
Source: Holmberg's Morning Sickness Podcast Transcript

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1. Diana Taurasi Announces Retirement: Celebrating the GOAT of the WNBA

Introduction to Taurasi's Retirement

The episode opens with host John Holmberg and his co-hosts delving into the significant announcement of Diana Taurasi’s retirement from the WNBA. Taurasi, often hailed as the "Greatest of All Time" (GOAT) in women's basketball, has left an indelible mark on the sport, prompting a nostalgic and celebratory discussion among the hosts.

Reflecting on Taurasi’s Legacy

John Holmberg initiates the conversation by comparing Taurasi’s retirement to legendary moments in sports history, such as Tom Brady’s departure from football and Michael Jordan’s retirement from basketball. He states, “[01:35] John Holmberg: This is the greatest of all time... when Michael Jordan retired and you know, people said, oh, the goat.”

Brett Vesely echoes this sentiment, reminiscing about memorable moments:
“[05:12] Brett Vesely: Crying with the trophy.”

Taurasi’s Impact on the WNBA and Beyond

The hosts discuss Taurasi’s influence not just on the WNBA but also on the broader cultural landscape. John Holmberg highlights how Taurasi’s presence has potentially influenced social aspects, mentioning, “[01:35]... there are more lesbians now than there were in 2004. Maybe she had something to do with that. That's a good thing.”

They also delve into Taurasi’s marketing prowess and her ubiquitous presence in Arizona, with John recounting her advertising campaigns:
“[05:22] John Holmberg: At Taurasi Stadium... they could name it after her.”

Comparisons with Other Sports Legends

The discussion extends to comparing Taurasi with other sports legends like Michael Jordan, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and Kobe Bryant. John Holmberg passionately defends Taurasi’s status, stating, “[08:55]... Caitlin Clark's going to make it better. She's the best I've ever watched play girls basketball, hands down.”

Memorable Anecdotes and Highlights

The hosts share personal memories and iconic moments from Taurasi’s career, such as her game-winning shots and on-court antics. John Holmberg nostalgically recalls, “[17:32]... that one shot she hit from downtown.”

Future of the WNBA Post-Taurasi

As Taurasi exits the league, the conversation shifts to the future of the WNBA. While Taurasi’s departure marks the end of an era, there is cautious optimism about emerging talents like Caitlin Clark and Angel Reese, though opinions on Reese are mixed:
“[09:00] John Holmberg: And the second best is Angel Reese. And she's not very good. Her footwork's terrible.”

Conclusion on Taurasi’s Retirement

The segment concludes with the hosts contemplating the legacy Taurasi leaves behind, emphasizing her unparalleled contributions and the void her retirement creates in the WNBA. John Holmberg muses, “[21:19]... that's part of [God's] plan.”

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2. Connecticut Cannibal Released: Public Safety and Rehabilitation Concerns

Breaking Down the Headline

Transitioning from sports, the hosts tackle a disturbing news headline: the release of a convicted cannibal, Tyre Smith, from a high-security forensic hospital in Connecticut. The revelation raises questions about public safety and the effectiveness of the rehabilitation system.

Tyre Smith’s Crime and Release Details

John Holmberg provides a detailed account of Tyre Smith’s crimes and the conditions of his release:
“[22:00] John Holmberg: This is a dude who peeled the eyes out of another person and started to just chow down on a guy... was ordered to spend 60 years at the psychiatric hospital.”

He emphasizes the gravity of Smith’s actions, stating, “[02:22]... he cannibalized some people and now he's better.”

Public Safety Concerns

The conversation rapidly turns to the implications of Smith’s release. The hosts express skepticism about his rehabilitation and the decision-making of the psychiatric security review board:
“[23:21] John Holmberg: He did it on purpose... using logic against them.”

Brady Bogen questions the rationale behind releasing someone with such violent tendencies, comparing it to dealing with wild animals:
“[23:21] Brady Bogen: Yeah, true. With a lot of animals.”

Effectiveness of Rehabilitation Programs

John Holmberg critiques the rehabilitation programs, suggesting that certain individuals, like cannibals, cannot be truly reformed:
“[24:47] John Holmberg: They should test it the first night he's home and serve a sheepshead with the eyes over.”

The hosts debate the balance between rehabilitation and public safety, highlighting the potential risks of releasing individuals with violent histories.

Community Reaction and Legal Implications

The discussion includes hypothetical scenarios of interacting with Smith and the community’s possible reactions to having a known cannibal as a neighbor:
“[31:14] Brady Bogen: Do they have to go door to door arrested?”

The hosts express frustration with the legal system’s handling of such criminals, questioning the logic behind conditional releases for individuals like Smith.

Societal Reflections and Comparisons

John Holmberg draws parallels between historical figures and modern-day criminals, reflecting on societal changes and the challenges of ensuring public safety:
“[35:00] John Holmberg: There’s a group of people that are like, no, he's got. He's been rehabilitated.”

Conclusion on the Cannibal Release

The segment wraps up with a grim outlook on the possibility of Smith re-offending and the broader implications for community safety. The hosts remain unconvinced that Smith’s release is in the best interest of public safety, concluding with:
“[38:53] John Holmberg: That's part of God's plan, huh? Well, God sucks.”

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Notable Quotes

• John Holmberg [01:35]: “This is the greatest of all time... when Michael Jordan retired and you know, people said, oh, the goat.”

• Brett Vesely [05:12]: “Crying with the trophy.”

• John Holmberg [08:55]: “Caitlin Clark's going to make it better. She's the best I've ever watched play girls basketball, hands down.”

• John Holmberg [22:00]: “This is a dude who peeled the eyes out of another person and started to just chow down on a guy... was ordered to spend 60 years at the psychiatric hospital.”

• John Holmberg [23:21]: “He did it on purpose... using logic against them.”

• John Holmberg [38:53]: “That's part of God's plan, huh? Well, God sucks.”

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Conclusion

In this episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness, the hosts navigate through two starkly contrasting topics: the heartfelt celebration of Diana Taurasi’s illustrious basketball career and the unsettling discussion surrounding the release of a convicted cannibal. Through a blend of nostalgia, humor, and critical analysis, John Holmberg and his co-hosts provide listeners with a comprehensive look at both the highs of sports achievements and the lows of societal challenges.

For more insightful discussions and engaging banter, tune in to future episodes or visit 98KUPD.

Transcript

[Dick Toledo]

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[John Holmberg]

Morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. Good morning, everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Wednesday. It is 5:45. It's the morning sickness. My name's John Holmberg. There's Brady, there's Brett, and there's big Dick Toledo. Off and running for another glorious day here in paradise. Perfect. Spring training's here. All that stuff we always talk about. Love it. Love every second of it. We live in the best city in America, I think.

[Brady]

Played golf yesterday and it was unbelievable.

[John Holmberg]

You were sweating. You had to worry about getting like.

[Brady]

Oh, gotta find shade now.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's gotta park in the shade of your. Or your golf cart gets hot. Yeah, it's, it's nice though. It's a. We, we got it all good. And then of course, I don't know how you even got through yesterday, Bray. How did you even manage to wander around and, and have any sort of energy at all with Diana Taurasi retiring? I mean, the whole city is shut down today. I mean, this is.

[Brett]

Why are we here?

[John Holmberg]

This is the greatest of all time. They call her. This is like when Tom Brady left football. This is when Joe Montana was done. This is definitely feels that way. When Michael Jordan retired and you know, people said, oh, the goat, the great. When Wayne Gretzky stepped away from the game, people shuddered. You know, highlight reels, it's non stop. 21 years. She played 20 2004. And in 2004, if you think back to WNBA, when she got there, nobody was buying tickets. Not a soul, not one. And now, well, nothing's changed. But still, I mean, she played 20 years for now. Well, there are more lesbians now than there were in 2004. Maybe she had something to do with that. That's a good thing. And now a whole bunch of them show up to watch Mercury games twice a year to mind finger Caitlin Clark, when she's in town. I think that's kind of.

[Brady]

At Taurasi Stadium.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. They could name it after her. They might. The arena has a. I actually talked to Dylan Cook yesterday, my son's contact, and he's a ticket guy there. And I said to him, I'm like, I guess the arena's name is, you know, in flux. We could. We could call it the Terrace Arena. And he said, no, that news is coming soon. And I said, yeah, we already know it's gonna be Sarver's Bank. And he goes, no, that deal fell through. And he goes, what are you, a private investigator? And I' no, but you hung the permit to change the name on the window of the arena. It doesn't take a genius to figure this out. It is not going to be the Western alliance, ever.

[Brady]

They put it up there just to give them a taste of what it would look like.

[John Holmberg]

No, you have to. You have to. Permits have to be presented publicly for signage and stuff. Well, that's what they're doing. They're trying to get a city permits. Can we throw the sign up? It'll say this. And then they plastered up there. And if anybody objects. That's the whole deal with, like, I learned that. That the city can just build a Walmart on your house. And all they have to do is post it somewhere. And if enough. If nobody complains, they'll just come by and hey, we're gonna buy your house off you, if you don't mind. It's eminent domain. Nobody complained. We voted it through. They wouldn't. Because obviously it would cause a huge problem. But all they have to do is post it, and that's what they did. So it's not gonna be Sarver's bank, which would have been really funny, but. Brady, you distract me. Diana Taurasi retired yesterday. And all I can think about. Remember that one game, what she scored, she had all the. Oh, and the play at the end when the. Oh, the memories.

[Brett]

There were so many. Which one?

[John Holmberg]

Flooding back. All the. The goat. The goat. I mean, I. I bet. You know, it's not even fair to say the goat, because when I. When I hear greatest of all time, I think of Michael Jordan. I think of. You know, and I'll even. I'll even make it non misogynistic. I even think of Martina Navratilova. I think of those great matches that there, no question, the best of all time. And girls tennis going back and forth. That era of graph, naver, Tolova, Everett, you know those sure that was an unbelievable. Those matches, the Wimbledon match that, you know, five sets between the machine, that was Martina. And the beauty and precision, beauty and the beast battles. That's what we should call those. Because we did privately. Yeah, those. But I mean, you think of Diana Taurasi and it's the best it's ever been. The all time leading scorer, Kareem Abdul Jabbar for years, the all time leading scorer. I remember the sky hook and the championships against the Celtics and even, you know, when he was Lou Alcinder, the highlights that would come in when he was with Milwaukee. Buck. And of course, Diana Taurasi and the highlights that come flooding back. Brett, what's your first memory of. I remember Michael Jordan had the flu game and of course, the shot that beat the Cavaliers in the playoffs and.

[Brett]

Crying with the trophy.

[John Holmberg]

Crying with the trophy and holding up the three and. Oh, give me your Diana Taurasi, greatest of all time. By the way, I remind you, the.

[Brett]

Memories you have being the goat, there's so many. I just. I can't nail it down to just one.

[John Holmberg]

One, man.

[Brett]

I just can't nail it down to just one.

[John Holmberg]

Can't. I can't.

[Brett]

Brady, you know, there's that one game.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, we're a city that needs to reflect on. On what is being called the greatest of all time. And of course, with that comes memory after memory.

[Brady]

I remember seeing that giant wall billboard.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you remember her advertising?

[Brady]

Yeah, I remember that.

[John Holmberg]

Of course you do. That's like a huge. Remember that. I do remember that. Oh, man. I mean, we could spend the whole show recapping the buzzer beaters against the shock.

[Brett]

The show only runs till 10. John, you know what? We don't have enough time.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe we just dedicate a whole day soon to the greatest of all time. They call her. That's what they call her.

[Brady]

I remember seeing her on tv and all she said is, we got next.

[John Holmberg]

We got next. I remember those ads too. Brady, you're big on remembering her marketing skills.

[Brady]

Never forget them.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, they're hard to forget when the greatest of all time was on. I remember being at a sports bar once and I think there was a. I think it was the. It was. Dale Hellestray and I were at a sports bar watching the Tennessee Titans and the Patriots play in the playoffs, and a Diana Taurasi commercial came on and some guy stood up and said, have some respect. Shut the up. The goat's talking. And she said, western alliance bank, it's for you. And like, yeah, the place erupted with Goat cheers. And we didn't even care about the football game anymore. I remember that. Not happening. I remember. So. So. I mean, I can't even.

[Brett]

The Jordan and LeBron fly into town to.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I mean, it was a goat reunion where it's like, remember when Jordan. Remember when LeBron had. What was the nickname? The black Mamba for all of the. Remember when Kobe put up 70? I do. That was a great game. He had 70 points. I remember that game. Just like I don't like Kobe Bryant, but, my God, there's no denying this guy can score. I remember that. And I remember, you know, Kobe's. Kobe and Shaq down 16 in the fourth quarter, which is a few minutes to go against Portland, and the two of them put on an absolute clinic of alley oops and passes and dunks. And I remember that. And they're not even goats. And that's why it's hard to like Diana Taurasi's every shot lives in. But, God, she was good at basket weaving. I think she's amazing. Gonna be hard to see her go. And then the tribute, the line, and all the. All of her former teammates. Like that one teammate and then the other one that was the Russian prisoner. And then all the others that were here.

[Brett]

Oh, there's so many.

[John Holmberg]

It's just the list. It's tough. The list. You can name, of course, their three championships. You can name the starting five for the goats championship.

[Brett]

Yeah, I don't want to show.

[John Holmberg]

I know, right? You don't want to be. You don't want to come across as a Know it all. Of course you can, because she's the goat. If I hear her get called the goat one more time, I'm gonna throw a brick through every television in America. The goat. You have to be memorable to more than just the small fan base the goat transcends. You know, the greatest of all time to me is in WNBA basketball already. Caitlin Clark. Everybody knows her. Everybody's probably watched her. That's the goat. That's what goats do. Maybe she hasn't accomplished much yet. She's got a ways to go to be, like the greatest player of all women's basketball.

[Brady]

She was more famous. You know that.

[Dick Toledo]

She's the most famous one.

[John Holmberg]

Last year, her first year in the league, she was the most famous one before she got to the wnba. You know who the second greatest one of all time is? Angel Reese, because she's Caitlin's nemesis. They're each other's back and forth, those two. You can't say it because you have to act. And here's the other thing. I heard Ladonna Harvey on talking with Vince Marauder. I already text Vince and joked about it, but I said, she goes, you know, I tell you what there, Vincent. 20 years of professional athleticism does a whole bunch bad to the body. And I immediately text Vincent, evidently to the face as well. And then I thought to myself, well, there's going to be backlash for that whole. But I spent 30 minutes yesterday telling everybody how ugly I think Lamar Jackson is, and not one person emailed me and said, he's not ugly. That's wrong. You say to but that's why I don't like the wnba. Nothing to do with the product on the court. You're not allowed to criticize them. People get mad when you call them when one of them's ugly. And I swear to God, we talk about ugly. And women can. And all people can talk about sports they hate or that basketball's stupid and I hate the W. The NBA is a waste of time. You can say that. You say the WNBA is a waste of time and you're a misogynist. It's a terrible product. It's going to get better. Caitlin Clark's going to make it better. She's the best I've ever watched play girls basketball, hands down, by far. And the second best is Angel Reese. And she's not very good. Her footwork's terrible. She. She'll get better. But she still was like, she can, she can dominate a game and she's like 21. But Diana Taurasi just showed up for 20 years. Anyway, Goat the Goat.

[Brady]

They've got six documentaries coming out of the college all star team beating the Olympic team and the women's the one year 92 every year it happens.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, they did it with girls.

[Brady]

Yeah, they lost every time.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I remember the junior high kids that beat the Olympic basketball girls team. She's the gloat, says Tommy Reyes. The greatest lesbian of all time. I wouldn't go for that. I've seen. I can actually recount some. Some highlights of great lesbianism in the past that I don't think she would participate in anyway. Goodbye to Diana's Ross. Well, at least we've named the street after her. And no one else in the city concerning the Sun's basketball team. I mean, there is no Vanarsdale Drive. There is no even Barkley Way Richard Dumas Drive. I can recall the 1993 losing sons starting five. I have no clue. The starting five for the last championship. I also don't know what year the last championship was for the Mercury. And you know what else is going to suck? Sons are back in town tomorrow. And I'm sure because they want people to be there, they're going to have some presentation for her tomorrow at the game. Because why not do it in front of the Mercury fans? Well, because no one will care. You have to do it in front of the big. What's been subsidizing and nobody cares. Yeah, this. This. This women's league that has been subsidized by the men's league for years. And again, I'm the only feminist in the entire city because I'm the first and only one that admits it's been subsidized by the men. Therefore, it can't stand on its own, which means it's being patronized by a. By the males. And it's not good for women's sports. It isn't. If you can't stand on your own and you're, you know, and the men are propping you up, it's not feminism. It's. You're a housewife. I'll pay for your clothes, little lady. Don't you worry about that. That's just. It's patronizing, but they see it as empowerment. But I don't see empowerment being. Can we borrow some money, Dad? I don't see that as empowered at first, but the thing's 27 years old. It's still losing money and still needs money.

[Brett]

Is it really that old?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it might be. Yeah. It's 28, 2997.

[Brett]

I had no idea. And I'm not even being a jerk. I just.

[John Holmberg]

Man, they keep saying they're next, but I don't know. That butcher's taking a long time to get to their number anyway. Taurasi, do you have a moment of silence?

[Brady]

Little presentation tomorrow?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's gonna be at the Suns game.

[Brady]

You're gonna be there?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I gotta go. I'll be in the Rah Rah room drinking. I'm not gonna watch that.

[Brett]

Oh, come on.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's history. I watched. I. I leave the Rah Rah room for two things. The red panda and a playoff Suns team. Otherwise, I'm just hanging out in that something something. Check out homework's morning sickness podcast at 98kupd.comberg's Morning Sickness. I'll go watch some of the game, but I'm not gon. She'll be at the game. Front row. And events will have to introduce her and stuff. I'm sure, you know, it doesn't mean she's a bad person. Just means she's part of a terrible product. The way people have Trump derangement syndrome. I have WNBA derangement syndrome. I think it is absolutely awful.

[Brady]

Maybe she'll hang out in the Rah rah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, sweet Jesus. Now she's gonna wreck that too. Probably because the suns are hard to watch too. Now I can say that all day long, man. I talk about how cruddy the suns are. I can talk about how crappy they are right now. Nobody says anything. Talk about crappy. The Mercury women. No, I just hate that league. And I also got emails yesterday and then people were like, what do you think of this, John? You know, being the. I talked about it yesterday. The human of the year of all time at the big award. Big award for the hero awards coming up this weekend, the Arizona Pet Project Hero Awards on Saturday. Naming me human of the year. Gotta put a suit on. Everybody's gonna be in suits and big fancy to do. And I'll be the hero of the year. But they're like your pet. What do you think of this? And there's a. They're gonna pass a law that says you can get a ticket if you're driving around with a pet on your lap. And I immediately responded back, that's not already a law. You shouldn't have anything living on your lap the whole time you're driving. That's a terrible idea. Or otherwise. The only time you should have something sitting on your.

[Brady]

Well, yeah, it's a legit distraction.

[John Holmberg]

Does it count? Roadhead, I think you get a ticket for.

[Brett]

I think that's a. I think that's a. You know, that's a. That's a pass.

[John Holmberg]

Because if.

[Brady]

If it's distracted driving you.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I'm not that distracted. I'm totally focused driving like Brady. You need to get roadhead soon. You've forgotten how just how focused you actually become. It's the best driving I've ever done in my life. Yeah, I'm not distracted at all.

[Brady]

That's what I'm saying. No matter what it is, if you're distracted.

[John Holmberg]

We were talking about one specific thing, sir, and you said distracted, and it pissed us off a little bit. Not gonna lie to you. That isn't a distraction. That is a welcome gift. I will focus heavily while that's going on as to not interrupt the flow, so to speak. We're not going to take it while that's going on. My mind in the speed limit, I'm going to drive around extra. But yeah, you got a pet in your lap. And then when the guy pulls you over and says, what do you got going on in your lap? Oh, that's my pet. That's a woman. Right? That's what I just said. Point is, and she's doing a. She's doing some heavy petting right now and there's no law against that. I had no idea. I always see that people driving around with a dog on their lap and I'm like, put your dog on a seat or what? Don't do that. When they're hanging out one side of the window, climb around like go one side, the other one not on your lap. And they should look if they're climbing around, whatever. But if they're hanging out the driver's window and you're holding a living creature, that's. You wouldn't do it with a baby or anything else because it can cause trouble. You don't want that. I thought that was cute. I thought it was a law already. No, it's not. It's awful. I thought it was a law already and they said, now it can soon get you a ticket. I would have assumed it could have before. We're a little late on that one because somebody emailed me yesterday and they drive around with their dog in their lap all the time and I'm like, well, stop it. You're not doing the dog any favors. You have to hit the brakes hard or God forbid your airbags go off. You're gonna have a dog fossil on your chest. It's gonna smash him up against you. You know, side seat, the little seat belt situation. But if you're not going to do that, at least put them in the back seat. Yeah, they've got to pass a law, basically. I don't know that it's that big a problem, but I hate that when I see a dog head sticking out of the driver's side and I'm like, ah. Because you know, I've got bus. Bus knocked me out a couple weeks ago. If bus was sitting on my lap and decided to turn around too fast, I'm going to sleep. That puts me at risk on the roads. I can't get over Taurasi leaving. I mean, that one shot she hit from downtown.

[Brett]

Remember how we're get through the show today?

[John Holmberg]

I don't either. Just all these memories of flooding back are like, God, time has passed and it was 2007 and she went juked that one lady. Oh, cha cha. And she juked her. And then buzzard beater. Yay. And they beat the Lynx. I think it was a member of that team, the Minnesota Lynx with all their stuff.

[Brett]

How could I forget?

[John Holmberg]

They had. They were dominant up front. They had those girls and that one down.

[Brady]

Oh, I remember one game she juked three times. One, two, three. And then set shot. It was good.

[Brett]

Oh yeah, that one shot was amazing.

[John Holmberg]

Her mid range shot. I remember that game when she had that mid range shot. That girl's like, ah, it was like, final score, 54 to 50. And it's like, man, if it wasn't for Taurasi's 12 footers. Oh, that one layup she had. Oh, go. She would. Right there at the free throw line, one of the girls look, hello, what happened? And this blur goes by. Remember that time she kissed that one girl on the court and made her quit? I do. I remember that part too. It was a statement when she made that one heterosexual girl feel so uncomfortable and then kissed her on the lips and. And infuriated her. And I remember that. I remember a lot of stuff about it. I remember.

[Brady]

I remember they pulled off the win the one time because she made the. They missed 35 layups that game. Made the. She made the one that won the.

[John Holmberg]

The. They call it the G W Lu. The game winning layup. Oh, it's just. It's. You're gonna make me cry thinking about all the sports history that comes with Phoenix. Sports. Wouldn't. It wouldn't be the same without it. All these sports bars are gonna. I mean, what are they gonna do? They're gonna close, I think most poor zips. And you know, all those sports bars, they're just going to close.

[Brett]

Pack it up, boys.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. There's nothing to. Nothing to see.

[Brady]

Maybe there'll be a string of Taurasi sports bars.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe. Yeah. Like Marley's.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Marley's wasn't. He was not a goat, though. Hers would be like a steak. 44. I'd say. I'd say. And we all know it kind of. It would be a fish house.

[Brett]

Who wants anything?

[John Holmberg]

Anywho, so she's gone now we gotta focus on other stuff. I. I don't know how we're gonna. But we'll get through this. Put the blinders on, try to get your day done knowing that the goat steps away. And the Mount Rushmore, she's right up there with Wilt and Kareem and Michael. I'll even throw Kobe up there, even though I disagree that he's on the Rushmore LeBron, who I do think deserves it and I hate that he does. And then that, that Taurasi right up there. And people will be like, wow, who are the other four people with Diana Taurassi that looks like who those four dudes face? Those presidents or something like. No, those are goats in leagues no one cares about, that's for sure. I remember the starting lineup of teams the Bulls played. I wasn't even a Bulls fan. I remember the Knicks starting lineup. I don't know.

[Brett]

Remember most of the Pistons even.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, oh, yeah. I remember their bench. Vinnie the Microwave Johnson was the sixth man of the year, like three times. Well, yeah, now you got memories. Now they're flooding back. Remember when the bad boys came to town and oh, lame beer and Isaiah, good Christ, Rodman's on that early team. And Vinnie Dumars, you can't stop. It's just never ending. Rick Mahon, we can load them up and then you go to the championship team from years that we can't remember of the goats teams.

[Brett]

She just overshadows them all. That's why, you know, that's why we can't remember.

[John Holmberg]

That's why I think maybe Taurasi and I'm a little more upset that we have the same nose. I think that's probably worse for her than it is me. In other news, this headline right here, I think this needs to be put to a vote. Connecticut Cannibal released. Quote, it's comforting that he's no longer a threat. To who? How'd you like to be that guy's neighbor? Hi, how are you? Oh, my name is Tyre Smith. Like, oh, hi, Tyree, how are you? You just moving into town? Yeah, I just got out. Oh, got out? What do you mean? Oh, I was in jail for a while. I cannibalized some people and now I'm better. There's the lawyer says he's actually comforted with a bunch of psychiatric experts in Connecticut. Psychiatric security review board unanimously agreed that Tyree is no longer a threat until he is. Was he a threat before the cannibalism? Did we know about it or did he just snap? He was found not guilty by reason of insanity in 2012 and ordered to spend 60 years at the psychiatric hospital. Because in 2012 they're like, Ain't no fixing this guy for 60 years. He's nuts. He ate a guy. He will be. And they said the boards review, they will be released from the high security forensic hospital, housed full time at a community facility as conditional release. Now this is a dude who peeled the eyes out of another person and started to eat him and then started to just chow down on a guy. Tyre Smith's story is not like oops, I accidentally ate some person. He did it on purpose. And then they just decided to say, you know, 12, 13 years later, he's not gonna eat, he's not gonna eat anybody again. However, using logic against them, which I tend to do, if a mountain lion bites a kid, we have to kill it because it has a taste for human flesh, right?

[Brady]

Yeah, true. With a lot of animals.

[John Holmberg]

Every animal that's in the woods where we wander into their area and they defend their home, we put them down because, well, they just. Humans just taste so damn good. Now he's got a taste for it, he's gonna do it again. So wouldn't that hold true to a cannibal that once you get a taste of us, you'd think, you'd think that that's pretty much the end of it. And I don't know that him being out of, you know, like psychiatrists all day can say, yeah sure, but wouldn't you rather like my dog Yeardley is probably not gonn, but she's had triggers in the past where she'll. She seems like she might bite. She doesn't like men. She was abused by men as a puppy, had her leg torn off by a guy. And so she gets sketchy around guys. So I muzzle her. She's probably better. And you could probably say that she wouldn't do it. I mean psychiatrically I can evaluate her. Cuz I see her every day and say this dog's not gonna bite anybody again, she's been rehabilitated. But just in case she does get a hankering for a Mexican calf, I'm gonna muzzle that. And that's the smart thing to do. Same thing for anybody who eats another person. Yeah, yeah, you ate a person. And me, you're showing a lot of signs that that's behind you. But I'm gonna go ahead and keep you locked up just in case in your brain the buffet opens again.

[Brady]

Would he be the first cannibal back.

[John Holmberg]

Into, you know, that's a good question. I don't know. Is he the goat?

[Brady]

Most of the time, you know, then they say we made a mistake, we need to put him down. Oh yeah, on the attack, you know, like they do with white dogs.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I agree that you need to put all cannibals down. I don't think rehabilitating a cannibal, but.

[Brady]

This would be the first.

[John Holmberg]

This Might be the first time. They're like, hey, we fixed it. Let him loose. I don't know that that's comforting. You know that monkey that ripped that guy's face off a few years ago? Remember that?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I think they kept him in like a cage forever after. I think he's still alive, but he's like, been in like, they, they're analyzing. Like, he's like, you know that Matthew Broderick movie, Project X or whatever it was. I forget. What is it? Something like that. But they, they like stick probes in his brain to see, like, is he. That kept Caesar alive naturally. Gonna hate things. Yeah, Caesar from the. That's right. To make it so people understand Caesar. That's the one. Anyway, the family of the guy he ate, also not happy about this. And I think that would be like, that's true. I know the Goldmans were miserable that OJ Got freed. I can't imagine if my family member was eaten by a fella. And then 12 years later, they're like, you know, at the very least, as a family are like, well, at least I'm comforted knowing that he'll be in jail for his whole life. No, he won't.

[Brady]

You said he was in for 60 years.

[John Holmberg]

No, that was his sentence. He was in for 12.

[Brady]

I was gonna say.

[John Holmberg]

Actually, I thought maybe he was in for 11 and a half years when now he's out. No, he'll be out. Yeah, it.

[Brady]

It seems a little like too soon in a way. 11 years.

[Brett]

Friends against. Shanked in prison.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, he was in a.

[Brady]

Don't listen.

[John Holmberg]

He's in a loony bin. He didn't go to a real prison.

[Brett]

Okay, well, how did Dahmer get away with it?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know.

[Brett]

He got shanked.

[John Holmberg]

They ate more than one. I guess. I guess that's the rule.

[Brett]

If you just use family size. Okay.

[John Holmberg]

If you go back for seconds, then you're in trouble. There's something, something. Check out homework's morning sickness [e-mail] Holmberg's Morning Sickness. This the lady, the sister in law of the person that he ate and that. Yeah, you heard me say that. She says, how do we know he's not gonna do this again? Which is everyone's feeling of a cannibal. How do you know he's done? She thinks he's learned in the system how to his cannibalistic rage to look normal again.

[Brady]

And it wasn't like a drug, you know, induced deal.

[John Holmberg]

What, that he was drugged up and ate A guy, probably. I would assume there were drugs involved. But still, you let him out on his own devices.

[Brady]

That friend, that's gonna give him that mickey, right?

[John Holmberg]

Somebody goes, hey, man, it's been good to see you. Where you been? I read a little bit about you in the paper. I didn't get into detail. Yeah, I'm back, man. I'm back. How you doing, Tyrese? Back. Everybody hate, man, you want to get an eight ball and start messing around? I was probably avoid that. Last time I had eight ball, I ate a man. I took eight ball the wrong way. I spelled it a T, E. I ate a man's balls. So, yeah, so the family is, like, not getting any justice on this one. But he. He hacked a stranger up with an axe, and then he ate some of his brain and definitely made a point to eat his eyeballs and then talked about eating those eyeballs. He says he's out now. Remember when Ed Reed of the Baltimore Ravens retired and then he took his helmet off and he had that crazy beard and that wacky hair, and everybody's like, ed Reed looks homeless and crazy. That's what this guy looks like now. Like, that's. He looks like when we all said Ed Reed was crazy. This is his. This is his sane photograph. Yeah. This is his sane picture. Yeah.

[Brett]

Skip the loony, Ben.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, it's. You know, you're supposed to put cannibals down. In a world where I was president, if you eat somebody, you're out. You're out. And the one guy yesterday on the news was like, the goal of all people in an institution is rehabilitation, and that should have a little asterisk next to it. Raping kids, harming puppies and stuff like that. Yeah. Any molestation of any sort like that. And then, of course, cannibalism falls into that category of, you're not coming back to us.

[Brady]

They should test it the first night he's home and serve a sheepshead with the eyes over. You know, they pluck it out, see what he does.

[John Holmberg]

Scott Haynes suggests, look, every time he gets a little urge, just give him a McRib. We're pretty sure he's gonna get the tastes pretty close. Cannibals aren't gonna ever eat anyone again. John the stabler died a few years ago when Porkopolis closed. That's true. That's probably. I say we open up Porkopolis again and give him a delicious option. And then, of course, another memory of Taurasi said, I remember when Taurasi got her all Time points leader. Like when she became the all time scorer in the wnba. I had to read it off my CVS receipt ticket. It was on the top of it to say, congratulations, Diana. Of course, that memory is hard to shake when the receipts at fries and stuff remind you of the accomplishments of the players you're not knowing much about anyway, what are you gonna do? But they still can go mind finger Caitlin Clark at games. And I guess that's. That's the only positive left with the WNBA is the lesbians can go there and image some of those girls through their brains. I just mind scissored Alicia Thomas. I don't know. I don't know if there is one of those or not. I'm assuming it's probably. And if your neighbor's a cannibal move, by the way. Also, that's if you're in an apartment building and the new guy comes out.

[Brady]

I haven't said anything for years.

[John Holmberg]

You know what? You know what? He seems all right. Except that the second the neighbors and you also, if you work, if you have to report in the neighborhood as a person who's done sex crimes, minors and stuff like that, or you're a sex offender, you get a rap on my door and go, hi, I'm new in the neighborhood and I have to let everybody know I'm here. Same with the cannibal. Although I don't need you knocking on my door to do that.

[Brady]

Do they have to go door to door arrested?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, they should. They should just like the sex offenders.

[Brett]

Like hand out pamphlets and stuff.

[John Holmberg]

Give a thing. It says here it's me. I live over on this. This is my house. And rap on the moon. No, no, that's why you have to. You would have to tell you. You don't ask. He's just. Someday you think he's selling magazines. That's the only reason a guy that looks like him's knocking on my door in the middle of the summer. Like, oh, Christ, no, I'm not interested. I don't need any of that. No, I'm not selling magazines. I have to tell you something. My name's Tyree. I live over here now and I just got out of jail. Like, oh, geez, were you a sex offender? Great, we got this in the. Oh, no, no, I never had sex with any. That's disgusting.

[Brett]

What a man do you think I am?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Tyree, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you. No, I ate a guy, so I have to let you know that I ate someone. Once.

[Brady]

Well, I did time for it. I didn't do it. I'm still innocent.

[John Holmberg]

Were you starving in a plane crash? I can understand that. No, I was just bored. And I cracked his skull open as a stranger. I didn't even know him. I cracked his skull open. I ate his brains and his eyeballs. But I'm better now. Oh, well, welcome to the neighborhood, Tyre. And then you just hear that fence post being that hole being dug for your real estate sign. Call Doug Hopkins, 1-800-get-the out of there.

[Tyree]

Called Doug Hopkins, 1,800, sell now.

[John Holmberg]

I'll buy your house and listen to cannibal next door.

[Brett]

Hopkins is just handy to five grand now. I'm not doing it.

[John Holmberg]

It's $5,000. Good. Buy a security system. You got a cannibal living nearby. You can't. What happened? What happened to us all together. Every one of us, except for that little fringe group of weirdos that we all wanted to kill? People like this. Where's the America I grew up in where we all agreed that cannibals needed to die? Where is that America?

[Brady]

Soon there's going to be a section in Phoenix. It's where the cannibals live.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, that's Cannibal Downs over there. You don't want to go in there. It's where they house all the cannibals. And how about the poor pricks that just are getting out of jail for, you know, involuntary manslaughter? They got into a bar fight, cracked a guy and his head hit the pool table and he died. And he's in that halfway house. And now his new roommate is the old can. I'd be shaking all night long. Look like Michael J. Fox in that bed. Tyree, do you mind turning the lights on? I'd put mouse traps all between his bed and mine. Any creaky floor noise, I'm shooting into the air. I have to go to the bathroom, man. Well, I'm not taking any chances. You ate a guy once.

[Brady]

You notice there's salt and pepper shakers all over yourself?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You just crack some out of there? Yeah, I got in my bag of belongings. Frank's Red Hot. What do you do? Oh, I put that on everything. Everything? Oh, no.

[Brett]

The Montreal steak seasoning.

[John Holmberg]

I got this from the Kansas City Steak. You can order it online, but this is the best seasoning I've ever had. Okay, maybe we should. Maybe you should get some steak sometime. Yeah, I like meat.

[Tyree]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

What are you doing? I'm just rehabbing in between. I'm in A halfway house here. I was in a fight a few years ago, and they let me loose, but I gotta kind of wait it out here. What are you? What are you? You're the cannibal. I know you. No, thanks. Cannibals. The America I knew and loved wanted to kill all cannibals. It was just a. It was. Sure, sure. I mean, even back when people were fight. Integration of races and civil rights, you could get a Klansman and Malcolm X in a room and say, all right, let's find something we all agree on. And I would start with, cannibals all need to die. Like, oh, yeah, Malcolm. They would shake hands like, that's a deal. There was no question about it.

[Brett]

We good?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Malcolm would be like, I agree. My enemy's gonna say, kill all cannibals. And the clansmen were like that, right? Like, all right. They would finally have a place, a building block.

[Brett]

High fiving.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, high fiving. How about your robe? You got your black hand all over my white robe. You got your white robe on my black wig like a Reese's Cup. But they agreed wholeheartedly. The cannibals needed to die. And now it's divided somehow. There's a group of people that are like, no, he's got. He's been rehabilitated. I don't believe that. Anyway. It doesn't make sense to me. The world doesn't make any sense at all. No. He's got apartment hunt soon. He's got to go out. And what's he looking for? You know, parks, neighborhoods, a lot of people. You know, friendly neighbors, nice kitchen. Yeah, I, I. Would you be friendly or, I mean, Brady. You'd.

[Brett]

Brady would.

[John Holmberg]

Holy mother. You did. He's accountable so fast, you would get eaten.

[Brady]

The biggest mistake I made was going over there, eating an apple right in his mouth. Turn off.

[Tyree]

I gotta tie my shoe. I just keep the apple in my mouth.

[John Holmberg]

You'd answer the door for the cannibal before he even knocked, because you'd see him in that weird screen door that only you have, except for in bad neighborhoods where they put up security doors. Yours isn't that bad, but you have that screen door to watch for new friends.

[Tyree]

Oh, a new colored friend.

[Brady]

Yay.

[Tyree]

This is Gilbert at its finest. Hi, my name's Brady. Want to come in and eat something?

[John Holmberg]

You have no idea, man. Yes, I do. God damn, you are adorable. Can you oink for me a couple of times? Sure. Just run around on all fours for a bit. Tyree, look at me. Hold on my Po's outside. He's watching. You got to put your clothes back on. Stop oinking for me.

[Tyree]

I was having the time of my life. Tyree, come over tomorrow, new friend.

[John Holmberg]

You would get all those seasoning heat.

[Tyree]

Open your want a drink, Tyree?

[John Holmberg]

Sure.

[Tyree]

Right over there. And go there. Got tons of stuff.

[Brady]

You got a lot of rubs in the cupboard.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man, your fridge is just filled with rubs and sauces. Look at that. Barbecue. God damn.

[Tyree]

You want to barbecue something?

[John Holmberg]

Yes, I do.

[Tyree]

You're my bestest new friend.

[John Holmberg]

Yep. You'd be eating. Brady would be ready to have that guy back on cannibalism in 48 hours. There's something I gotta tell you first.

[Tyree]

Let's watch a show together. Jack Reacher. You like Jack Reacher, right?

[Brady]

Boy, that's a big pit we dug there.

[Tyree]

Yeah, that felt like 250 pounds of turkeys.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, one turkey.

[Tyree]

What?

[John Holmberg]

You got pretty eyes. He's like the big bad wolf, for Christ's sake. Anyway, he's free, so enjoy that. I used to love those days.

[Brett]

Somebody's been sleeping in my bed.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my. Daddy. You realize you've allowed a cannibal in our home again?

[Tyree]

He's a good guy. Rehabilitated even.

[John Holmberg]

Brady and his kindness to neighbors probably would be standoffish to Tyree. But maybe not. Come on.

[Tyree]

He's not gonna do it again.

[Brady]

Be over it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Brady would. Brady would say that stupid thing is like if it's my time to go. Oh, for Christ's sake. Nobody says that about cannibalism. That part of God's plan? Your God sucks.

[Tyree]

Part of God's plan was that it all ended 60 years in when my neighbor ate my body in a drug rage.

[John Holmberg]

That's part of God's plan, huh? Well, God sucks. Anyway. Good luck, all you. And if you're a cannibal out there and you're a little nervous and you want to defend yourself. Homeburger98 Kupd calm. I'll gladly answer your questions. Cannibals. I'm going to try. I'll say that right now. I'm pretty sure again. We always say the city of 5 million people. How many of them have probably tasted human flesh on purpose and not living like in a sex act where you accidentally bit somebody, you fried it up, you seasoned it, you ate it. Zero. I'm going to say zero. In our city of Fay. That's. Not many people are into that. Now, we do have some of those Lost Boys of the Sudan, and I'm not sure if they dabbled in starvation moments. Or if there's anybody from that soccer team that was in the Andes for a few days, they could be living here. Those are extreme. I'm just saying. Just on a Friday night, on a whim, decided to chow down on another fella. Pretty sure we're zeroed out on that. Thank God for that. Another reason the city's great. Los Angeles, not so much. Let's get a wake up song, shall we? Five eight, five. 9800. A good one. We'll scream it together. It's 98 KVD. Wake up. It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fee. I have heard enough of.