Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – Condensed Short Show – Friday, Feb 27, 2026

Overview

This condensed episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness is a rapid-fire romp through news, pop culture, listener emails, and irreverent banter. Host John Holmberg, with sidekicks Brett Vesely and the absent Brady Bogen and Dick Toledo, tackle conspiracy theories, poke fun at holistic health, riff on the latest Clinton/Epstein headlines, and discuss everything from restless leg syndrome to odd celebrity scandals. Their trademark blend of edgy jokes, relentless sarcasm, and Arizona-centric chit-chat is on full display.

Key Segments & Discussion Points

1. The Clintons, Epstein, & Bill’s Big Chance

[00:45–07:40]

• Holmberg riffs on the Epstein saga returning to the news, noting Hillary’s recent interview and public denials.
• Jokes fly about long-standing Clinton conspiracy theories about murder cover-ups, with mock advice that Bill should “finally rat Hillary out.”
• Memorable Quote:
  • Holmberg: “We all know the Clintons kill, right? That’s a real thing.” [00:48]
  • “If Bill goes into his hearing today and doesn’t rat that woman out... He can get her thrown in jail. Finally, he can get Hillary wrapped up. And I know he wants to talk.” [04:50]
• Satirical roleplay suggests Bill could seek witness protection in Scottsdale, AZ, under a fake name.

2. Listener Email: Restless Leg Syndrome, Marital Misadventures & Wellness Skepticism

[08:41–16:30]

• Read-aloud from “Scott”, a listener whose laughter at Holmberg’s jokes about restless leg syndrome aroused suspicion with his wife.
• Discussion morphs into trust issues, the hazards of defending yourself poorly (“I could never swing a chick that hot”), and how alternative medicine often substitutes for real diagnosis.
• Notable Quotes:
  • Brett Vesely: “Well, women evidently hear that as an insult, Holmberg. And now I’m in a huge fight.” [12:19]
  • Holmberg: "If you go to a hypnotist before you go to a real doctor, you deep down know what you've got ain't real." [14:05]
• Extended roast of the wellness industry: the team satirizes “wellness doctors,” acupuncture, and hypnotherapy.

3. Celebrity Scandal: Crispin Glover and the “Autistic British Model” Accusation

[16:27–23:07]

• The team is captivated by a headline – Crispin Glover (Back to the Future) accused by an autistic British model. They highlight his history of bizarre behavior.
• Quote:
  • Holmberg: "Anybody from Back to the Future place their name in the headline accused of assault with autistic British model... I'm going to read that every time." [16:34]
• Holmberg and Brett debate personal responsibility and the eccentricities of seeking Hollywood fame via Crispin Glover.

4. Holistic Remedies: Mocking the Healing Industry

[23:47–34:29]

• A comedic pitch for the “Vesley-Holmberg Holistic Healing Center for Women Only,” with jokes about combining Eastern mysticism, wheat germ pills, and... marital sexual favors as “treatments.”
• Lampoons the popularity of alternative medicine among women; riffs on the idea that medical “cures” could include “more blowjobs” for better health.
• Memorable Quotes:
  • Holmberg: “If you've got osis and vagina anywhere near each other, I'm out. Christ on a crutch run. That's gonna stink." [26:17]
  • "Your semen has healing properties... They’ll go away with the blowjobs." [28:40]
• The satire pokes fun at gullibility, faux spirituality, and gender dynamics in health care.

5. PSA Skewer: Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month

[34:29–39:02]

• Surprised to learn it’s Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, Holmberg and Brett riff on what that means and the oddity of monthly observance windows for serious issues.
• They point out the inclusion of “emotional abuse,” wondering if all teen relationships aren’t vaguely emotionally abusive by default.
• Quote:
  • Holmberg: “Every teen is an emotional abuse on a date if it doesn’t go their way.” [34:46]
• OJ Simpson is mock-cast as a possible spokesperson (“Just cut it off” – a reference to his infamous trial).

6. Bonus: Reiki Healing & Alternative Medicine

[40:27–43:21]

• Blind listener Sean writes in about his mother’s use of a Reiki healer; the crew derides paying for “energy healing” where practitioners don’t actually touch you.
• Brett reads a Wikipedia-style definition; Holmberg notes that the “only magic is money sucked out of your account.”
• Riffs connect to broader themes of people grasping for solutions and the (mostly female) clientele for these services.
• Quote:
  • Holmberg: "Whatever works for you, go do it. But you're still a dipshit for doing it." [42:31]

7. Conspiracy Corner: The Jews, The Moon Landing, and the Media

[43:22–47:37]

• John admits he’s getting more conspiratorial with age (Helen Keller, moon landing). The “invisible circle of Jews” is playfully referenced as the root of many conspiracy theories.
• Discussion on the contributions of Jews to medicine, science and comedy (“You don’t like the Jews—okay, but you’re not allowed to use any of their inventions!”).
• Quote:
  • Holmberg: “I may not be Jewish, but I got that star... The invisible circle of Jews surrounds all conspiracies.” [45:52]

8. “Squares” Game: Celebrity Impressions & Absurd Banter

[50:28–56:31]

• Classic closing segment features rapid-fire impersonations (Bill Clinton, Tracy Morgan, Trump), with each lampooned for their latest “news.”
• Bill Clinton riffs return with more Monica Lewinsky/dress/cigar jokes, plus the idea his Witness Relocation alias might be “Yizzy Yiskowitz.”
• Trump parody continues the “longest ever” bravado and pokes at political narratives.
• The team’s chemistry closes the show with loose, improv-style bits loaded with callbacks.

Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• Clinton Conspiracy:
  • “We all know the Clintons kill, right? That’s a real thing.”
    – Holmberg [00:48]
• Wellness Skepticism:
  • “If you'll just go to the hospital. The hospital just wants to pump you full of drugs. You got to fix it. I mean, what are we doing here?”
    – Holmberg [14:05]
• Holistic center concept:
  • “The key to your problems is not the wheat germ pills that we'll be giving, which, those are very helpful. But I do think that if you did, you know, dance on the old bone zone, that would be a good thing for you.”
    – Holmberg [28:40]
• Teen Violence:
  • “Every teen is an emotional abuse on a date if it doesn’t go their way.”
    – Holmberg [34:46]
• Reiki Healing:
  • “I'll tell you this, it does work because their hands magically suck money right out of the account. It's unreal.”
    – Holmberg [42:00]
• Conspiracy/Comedy:
  • “If you don't like the Jews, you're just not allowed to use any of their inventions.”
    – Holmberg [45:13]

Overall Tone and Takeaways

The dialog is trademark Holmberg’s Morning Sickness: irreverent, unapologetically off-color, heavy on satire, with rapid changes in topic and a through-line of making fun of modern life’s absurdities.
The hosts take aim at alternative medicine, political figures, celebrities, and social issues with no sacred cows. Their banter makes fun of conspiracies but also highlights how easy it is to fall for nonsense, whether wellness scams or political rumors.

Listeners who enjoy edgy, unfiltered humor and a breakneck podcast pace will find this short episode especially dense with laughs, callbacks, and sharp barbs. The spirit is “nothing is off-limits,” always centered on keeping the energy high and the self-awareness higher.

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Recommended for: Fans of classic morning radio, dense topical humor, and those who can appreciate a total lack of political correctness — especially with a strong Arizona flavor!