02-27-26 - Hillary Clinton Testified On Epstein Relations Making Us Think Bill Might Be In Danger - Podcast Listener Emails That His Wife Has Restless Leg Syndrome And Thinks He's Having An Affair

Summary

Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – Episode Summary (02-27-26)

Episode Overview

In this episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness (Arizona’s longest-running morning radio show turned podcast), John Holmberg and crew dive into a characteristically irreverent and satirical romp through current events and listener mail. The episode covers:

• Hillary Clinton’s testimony on Epstein relations, sparking a typically conspiratorial and comedic analysis of the “Clinton body count”
• A listener’s marital woes stemming from jokes about Restless Leg Syndrome, leading to a discussion of dubious medical conditions and mock relationship advice

With Brady Bogen out for a family wedding, John is joined by Brett Vesely and Dick Toledo, who jump between dark humor, pop culture digs, and off-kilter life advice—all wrapped in their signature blend of banter and bluntness.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Brady’s Absence and Staff Banter

• The episode opens with chatter about Brady’s absence due to his nephew Charlie’s wedding, sparking jokes about Charlie’s atheism and family drama.
• The crew jokingly muses about staff attendance issues, with Holmberg quipping, “You never know when the days are going to…” [03:37].

2. The Clinton-Epstein Saga & ‘Body Count’ Jokes

• The team launches into a lengthy and satirical speculation about Hillary Clinton testifying on Epstein, riffing on conspiracies and media portrayals of the Clintons as killers.
• Memorable running bit: “We all know the Clintons kill, right? That’s a real thing. Democrat, Republican. You can be a fan of them...I think they were, you know, reasonable...through the 90s, that was a pretty fun time. And then the blowjob happened, everyone nuts, but things happen.” – Holmberg [07:17]
• Holmberg humorously points to Primary Colors as “Hollywood made a movie about how they killed everybody starring John Travolta.” [08:10]
• The crew jokes about Bill Clinton’s hypothetical chance to throw Hillary “under the bus” by ratting her out:
  • “If Bill goes into his hearing today and doesn’t rat that woman out for everything…he can get her thrown in jail finally.” [09:41]
• Speculation continues on whether Bill would betray Hillary, leading to witness protection gags and Bill as a “poonhound” finally set free in Scottsdale:
  • “First president in history that’s going to go on the Witness Protection program.” – Brett [11:11]
• Ongoing “Hillary/Jigsaw” comparisons for visual effect and morbid satire.
  • “I’ve always said Hillary looks just like Jigsaw. I think she was the inspiration for the mask.” – Holmberg [19:46]

3. Restless Leg Syndrome – Listener Email and Marital Comedy

• A listener named Scott writes in about a domestic blowup after his wife catches him laughing at jokes about Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS) on the show.
  • “…my wife, the reason why it was funny to me, makes the claim that she also has restless leg syndrome…I’ve spent close to $15,000…for her to get acupuncture, hypnotherapy, wellness pills…” [26:09]
• Scott’s attempt to cover his laughter leads his wife to snoop through his phone and suspect him of cheating with a younger coworker:
  • “Well, here’s what I learned—never use this defense when your wife thinks you’re messing around. My exact words were, ‘Wendy? Are you insane? I could never swing a chick that hot.’ Oops.” – Scott’s email, read by Holmberg [30:12]
• The crew doubles down on calling RLS “fake,” lampooning wellness culture and expensive non-medical treatments:
  • “His wife has a fake disease. It’s not my fault…Here’s how I know whatever you got, you know, ain’t exactly real: you won’t go to a real doctor. Am I wrong?” – Holmberg [31:30]
  • “If you go to a hypnotist before you go to a real doctor, you deep down know what you’ve got ain’t real.” – Holmberg [32:31]
• They riff on the “supportive husband” concept:
  • “You can’t cause a dude to spend $15,000 on your restless leg syndrome and then say later, he doesn’t support you.” – Holmberg [33:55]
  • “If you’ve spent 15 grand…and you still have restless leg syndrome…it’s been a couple years, you got to stop going to that thing and head over to the ER.” – Holmberg [34:22]
• Jokes about essential oils, wellness tinctures, yoga, and “believing” oneself out of a disease abound, drawing a line between holistic and medical treatments.
• Lighthearted advice about marriage, self-worth, and knowing when to hit the gym or file for divorce.

4. Quick Bits, Pop Culture & Listener Callbacks

• Running inside jokes about self-image, Brady’s golf skills, and the crew’s own physical decline:
  • “I tell him too, you should leave. Why don’t you love me? Oh, you’re fine. I don’t know what you’re doing right. I just looked in the mirror. This is a disaster.” – Holmberg [38:18]
• Metallica concert ticket giveaway and Sphere show hype.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Clinton Conspiracies:
  • “Bill isn’t the murderer. Hillary is. And here’s how I know that…she is horrifying, by the way. She used to bring kids to the island. Like I would sell her out with lie after lie.” – Holmberg [10:00]
  • “I was going to that island to hide. She is horrifying.” – Holmberg [10:30]
• On Marital Comedy & RLS:
  • “Never use this defense when your wife thinks you’re messing around. My exact words were, ‘Wendy? Are you insane? I could never swing a chick that hot.’ Oops.” – Listener Scott as read by Holmberg [30:12]
  • “You can’t cause a dude to spend $15,000 on your restless leg syndrome and then say later, he doesn’t support you. You gotta give him a bounce every once in a while…” – Holmberg [33:55]
• On Wellness Culture:
  • “If you go to a hypnotist before you go to a real doctor, you deep down know what you got ain’t real. You just don’t want to be embarrassed by a real medical professional.” – Holmberg [32:31]
  • “Those wellness doctors, like 90% of them are pretty much Jiminy Cricket. If you believe it will be real.” – Holmberg [36:07]
• On Self-Image and Relationships:
  • “I tell him too, you should leave. Why don’t you love me? Oh, you’re fine. I don’t know what you’re doing right. I just looked in the mirror. This is a disaster. What do you see that I don’t see?” – Holmberg [38:18]

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• 00:00–03:00: Ads, Brady’s absence, and Charlie Wolf tangent
• 05:46–12:00: Clinton/Epstein discussion, conspiracy jokes, and witness protection riff
• 13:48–16:17: More Clinton speculation; why Bill won’t “flip” on Hillary
• 24:33–38:18: Listener email about Restless Leg Syndrome, relationship fallout, and wellness skepticism
• 38:11–40:29: Relationship advice & additional emails
• 40:29–end: Metallica Sphere tickets, show wrap-up

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Overall Tone and Style

The episode is playful, sarcastic, and darkly comic. The banter is quick, punchy, and often irreverent, taking on political scandals and relationship drama with the same unserious, boundary-pushing edge. The hosts move seamlessly from current events to personal anecdotes, lacing everything with a skepticism of authority (political, medical, and marital alike).

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For Listeners Who Missed It

This episode is quintessential Holmberg: topical, controversial, and loaded with raucous jokes about public figures and private disasters alike. If you love conspiracy humor, relationship roasts, and the intersection of pop culture and personal failings, this is HMS at its most uncompromising.

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

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[John Holmberg]

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[Brett Vesely]

Hey, it's Brett Vesely, and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[John Holmberg]

Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one.

[Dick Toledo]

Tell him not to put himself at

[John Holmberg]

risk and come into M and P Guns where he'll get a fair offer and he can rest easy knowing it's not getting into the wrong hands.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[John Holmberg]

Easy. Legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it all online. That simple.

[Brett Vesely]

There you have it. MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms.

[Brady]

You thought that was funny? You were laughing like a hyena when he said it.

[John Holmberg]

What the hell is wrong with you? That is lazy. Must have been up to something last night. Pick it up a little stretched out. Yeah, a little while. He had a couple moments there where he was just like, I ain't playing along again. Get you a pill, cock. Anyway, good morning, everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Friday. It's 5:45. My name's John Blanksteat. There's Brett, there's Toledo. As Brady has left us for longtime listeners to the old radio show and now the podcast. May remember Charlie Wolf, who used to pop in on the show every once. It was Brady's nephew, worked down at the sports station, and Charlie was. Oh, jeez.

[Dick Toledo]

Zealot of hate.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I am blamed in the Bogan family for making Charlie an atheist, which I did not do. They just wouldn't admit that he was one and he questioned them, and then he hung with me and Realized there's somebody you could talk to every once in a while about that. And Charlie called his mom and said, I talk to John a little, and next thing you know, I'm in a car with a mom, go, why did you tell him there's no God? I'm like, I didn't. He told me he's making a compelling argument, and then it caused fights at home and his aunt sent him books. So he's getting married this weekend to some heathen Satan broad. And, Charlie, good luck to you and everything else. And Brady's on his way out there.

[Brett Vesely]

Is he allowed to go into church and get married? I mean, how did that work out?

[John Holmberg]

Probably has to, I would guess, just to keep everybody happy. I didn't ask that question. I don't know if there's a church involved or if Charlie has the power of godly. Poon has brought him back to the fold. I don't know if. I don't know if the lady he's. Marian. Is of the Lord or not. You can do whatever you want. I don't care. But Charlie came out here with his views, and they thought I did it. So I was the zealot of hate.

[Brett Vesely]

It's the power of poon.

[John Holmberg]

It is the power. The PowerPoint will make you believe some stuff, you know?

[Brett Vesely]

I mean, you know, if Margot Robbie came up to me and says, I'm going to be a Satanist, but, sure, let's do it. Sign me up.

[John Holmberg]

You don't have much to sell me on here.

[Brett Vesely]

Exactly.

[Dick Toledo]

First class.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, class. Like, what do you follow? I'm actually going to read it. Yeah, yeah. No, I've said it a million times. Dua Lipa comes over and says, I've just joined Al Qaeda. I'd be like, get me a hat. Where's this? Do I get a keychain? Like, what would you do? The power of the poon. Powerful. Wrong. We could join religions and stuff.

[Brett Vesely]

So when are we going to have, like, a full show back? I mean, it's last week, you weren't

[John Holmberg]

here, you know, Brady, you know what,

[Brett Vesely]

are you taking next week off or.

[John Holmberg]

You might as well.

[Dick Toledo]

I'm good.

[John Holmberg]

Don't say that, because I didn't know I was taking a week off either.

[Dick Toledo]

Sorry, there was a knock on. We have wood in here.

[John Holmberg]

The last thing I said before I didn't come back was, see you Monday. I didn't see you. Well, and then I didn't see you till the next Tuesday, so. You never know when the days are going to.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, I Don't know.

[John Holmberg]

We'll be right back. All right.

[Brett Vesely]

I miss a little fella.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So Brady's not going to be here today, but we'll get by. Have Larry fill in for him, too. Let's plug Larry into everything.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, he's. He's not a morning person. Did he say that?

[John Holmberg]

Was he not happy getting up? I don't know.

[Brett Vesely]

Just every day.

[John Holmberg]

It's not easy. No, I don't either. I asked myself that every morning, like, how am I doing both mornings?

[Dick Toledo]

He said, so? So we'll come out of it at 6:00am and I'm like, Larry, this show starts at 5.

[John Holmberg]

45. It does what? Yeah, yeah. That's the fun thing of working here is nobody really knows what tripp does. He's. He's.

[Dick Toledo]

Because.

[John Holmberg]

And then he always gives me the most insulting thing ever. I wake up every morning to your cock, and then I listen to you for a few minutes and you put me to sleep. He's asleep right now. He listened. And the only reason he didn't care any yesterday, the dulce tones of your voice. Profits and losses, sales team. Yesterday he stops me in the hall. This was a great moment. And he goes, the hell's wrong with you? Like, what are you talking about? What's wrong with you? I'm doing fine. I'm like, what are you talking about? He goes, I heard what you said about me. And I'm like, oh, yeah, about the question about if you'd take 10 years off your life for $10 million, like right now. And he said, yeah, you said that. I look like I was about out now. And I'm like, well, come on, this is our. He walks back in his office and you just hear you. And then people in the hall go, did he just tell you that? I'm like, I wor good. And he's like, oh, that was awesome. I didn't know he. I didn't know he would ever do that. I'm like, yeah, all I got to do is make fun of him for, you know, knocking on heaven's door a little bit. He looks fine, but he, like, you don't ask tripp that question. Would you take 10 years off of your life expectancy? He doesn't even have that, does he?

[Dick Toledo]

You start asking to do his 10. Doesn't he.

[John Holmberg]

Doesn't he have no spot?

[Dick Toledo]

He doesn't have 10 spots.

[Brett Vesely]

He'll buy another 10. Don't worry about it.

[John Holmberg]

I'll get. I'll get with a broker and I'll get another 15. I'll be at your funeral.

[Dick Toledo]

Is this why, you know, classic Porsches keep showing up in our parking lot?

[John Holmberg]

Like, if you told Trippy, take, take a 10 million dollar check today, but you're going to be dead in one year by Maryland. Do that in a Harvey anywhere he wants.

[Brett Vesely]

He's ready to take on the tweakers in the parking lot. The other day he rolled in with his ascot on and his hat and driving gloves.

[John Holmberg]

Wouldn't it have been awesome if the tweakers, like, took him down? He still has with him, puts his hands up. I'm like Jack Johnson right now. I'm gonna take you tweakers to town. Anyway, so, yeah, so he. He gave me a big hearty F you yesterday and made the world laugh. I got a couple emails here that just made me so happy. Let's start with this one. It's a little long, but you guys are going to enjoy this. Oh, by the way, before we get to the emails, I've been kind of paying attention to the whole Epstein thing. It's going on again. And they interviewed Hillary yesterday, if there's ever been a time. And I wish I was in his camp, like, pulling him aside. Cause Hillary did her thing yesterday. And we found out, I think yesterday that Hillary's the one that's been doing all the killing. We all know the Clintons kill, right? That's a real thing. Democrat, Republican. We all kind of. You can be a fan of them. And I think they were, you know, reasonable.

[Dick Toledo]

What, good killers?

[John Holmberg]

Well, no, through the 90s, that was a pretty fun time. And then the blowjob happened. Everyone nuts, but things happen. Yeah, things happen. And what guy didn't kind of side with Bill, no matter what political side of the aisle you were on? You're looking. I'm going. This poor bastard here. This is rough. Like, nobody would wish he was dumb to do it, but nobody would wish what happened to him as a man.

[Brett Vesely]

But look at them two choices.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I mean, you know, again, even

[Brett Vesely]

Monica's the best choice.

[Dick Toledo]

Whoo.

[John Holmberg]

She looks pretty good now. Have you seen. Yeah, I know, but not then. No, no, but he had a thing he liked. He's from Arkansas. He likes a little meat on the bone. You know what I mean? And he got it. But he. Anyway. And he's thinking to himself, nobody's gonna believe me if this fat girl blows me. I'll just say she didn't.

[Brett Vesely]

She had to wipe her hooves off before she walked into the Oval Office.

[John Holmberg]

Never. I mean, we're rehashing. This. But he never suspected she'd keep the dress. He thought he could coat her. She'd just be happy to be candy coated by the world's powerful man. And now go take that to the bank. All right. Get that dress to a dry cleaner. And she left and didn't. He thought he had deniability. You think I'd that? You think that fat bitch is something I can. I'd pull so much ass around it. You think that one. And then she's like, I've got a dress with this junk on. He's like, I'm wearing doomsday. This is travel. So a bunch of people got killed by the Clintons. We all know that.

[Brett Vesely]

Things happen.

[John Holmberg]

People get killed. Yeah, Brett, I'm with you on this. Probably some of them deserved it, I'm sure. I don't want to get too crazy political, left or right. Clinton's probably knocked off a few people asking too many questions about too many things. They were a little sloppy about it, you know, they killed too many people. Your people know that you can't just go on some sort of a spree. And these. These folks were knocking people down like mad. And if you think. You think about it, in the 90s, the Clintons killed so many people that while they were in office, Hollywood, who loves them, made a movie about how they killed everybody starring John Travolta called Primary Colors. This was no joke that they're like, we know he's murdering folks like mad, and it wasn't Clinton. But you go. Go look up Primary Colors and you'll be like, whoa, Everybody looks and acts just like the people that are currently our president and stuff. And Travolta's like, I'm from Arkansas, and I am your president. Like, what? And they had affairs, and he did all this stuff on the side. They just went down that. And then he killed a bunch of people. Even in the 90s, we knew we'd kill. But anyway, now I know it looks like him, too. Oh, he put the gray hair on Clinton. Bill isn't the murderer. Hillary is. And here's how I know that. If Bill goes into his hearing today and doesn't rat that woman out for everything that's gone wrong in this, like he's got an opportunity. She went out yesterday after she had the Epstein. I don't even know why they're asking me these questions. I've never met Jeffrey Epstein. I knew Ghislaine and a little bit, I guess, but I mean, this is just a farce. We know Bill was with Jeffrey. So they're gonna hit him with pictures and stuff. And all he has to do is let's get to the rat killing here. Yes, I knew that, man. My wife has killed over 88 people. He can get her thrown in jail. Finally, he can get Hillary wrapped up. And I know he wants to talk

[Dick Toledo]

about, you know, getting 10 mil or

[John Holmberg]

10 more years off your life if he could. Right now, I am scared for my life. Every day I go to bed wondering is the day. The day that this Jeffrey Dahmer bitch is gonna end me? Guys, I don't care what you know about Jeffrey Epstein. I was going to that island to hide. She is horrifying, by the way. She used to bring kids to the island. Like, I would sell her out with lie after lie. He's good at it. Lie after lie after lie to get her thrown in jail. And if he doesn't go back and watch Bill Clinton speeches, and I bet you he's doing Morse code with his eyes and stuff, trying to tell us, please help me, she's a murderer, I would throw her in jail in a heartbeat.

[Brett Vesely]

First president in history that's going to go on the Witness Protection program.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. Hi, I'm your neighbor, Bill Johnson. Hey, Bill Johnson. Yeah, that's right. No, don't ask. You look familiar. People tell me that whole time, I don't get it.

[Brett Vesely]

Him and Sammy the Bull are going to be roommates.

[John Holmberg]

I am living.

[Dick Toledo]

Tell him to say everything.

[John Holmberg]

Sammy the Bull and I are friends. I'm glad you got rid of that broad there, Bill. I know. I had to throw her in jail. It's been years. I have not had the opportunity to turn her in. I've been afraid, but this is it. And he's going in after she came out all cocky like, you know, she had her. Her big old peacock feathers on. This is a joke. And every minute you went on and like, oh, and now Bill's like, I can go in there tomorrow and ruin this. If I was Bill Clinton, that's what I would do today. I go right in there and go, I don't care what you guys know. Maybe I did bang a 16 year old. I don't know. I don't even know. I probably. Let me just start there. Yeah, maybe, but my wife has killed over 80 people. I have nothing to do with it. And I can give you details and he just spills the beans. But what I need from you is immunity and a new identity. I would love that. Bill Clinton in the witness relocation. My name is Trevor Jones. And I need to move somewhere hot because I'm getting old, my arthritis is kicking in and I need to score some sweet young poem. Where should I go? Scottsdale, Arizona. There's a good chance that a man with Chinaman black dyed hair is going to be standing in your front yard in a new house next to you over in Scottsdale. This is nice, isn't it? Where are you from? Arc of Kansas. You look a lot like. No, people say that all the time. I just. I used to do a doppelganger thing years ago in bars and stuff around Arkansas. I mean Kansas. Yeah, he's got to sell that woman out today. If he doesn't, it's proof she killed. Either way. One is because you know, if you had Hillary as your wife and all that she's put him through, like her staying was worse than her leaving right after the blowjob. Cause it's just a heavy big fat cloud in a pantsuit that lives on his shoulders every day because optically she sat in a room with him years ago. I'm speculating, but I'm probably right and said, all right, I'll forgive you. You're gonna make me President of the United States, though.

[Dick Toledo]

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[Brady]

This is the best time of year to come out to Wildlife World. The weather's great and you have to come out and see our new baby pygmy hippo. And if you want to book a private encounter while you're out, you can book one with a sea lion, a sloth, or our new black footed penguin encounter. Or you can dine next to our shark tank at Dylan's barbecue by going to our [e-mail] we're located off the 303 and Northern Avenue in the West Valley.

[Dick Toledo]

Check out wildlifeworld.com do it today.

[John Holmberg]

Morning sickness. I don't know. I don't know if I can do that. Yeah. And then he couldn't pull the trigger on. He's like, well, I guess he got beat by Trump. I mean, that's terrible, right? And she. And he, you know, like, he did everything he could to support her, got her the job with Obama. Like, not saying she wasn't qualified, but, I mean, she's a woman. I'm just kidding. But yeah, the, you know, he helped out a ton. Now's his chance. Finally, 30 years later, he can sit in a room in a deposition about something totally unrelated and spin this and have her ass thrown in jail immediately and just tell him, I'm not saying. I'm just saying a little birdie told me, and I'm not going to say it happened here, you guys. I'll go outside and say, oh, I didn't do anything with Jeffrey Epson. But you take this information, you run a new. A new look. You sweep this bitch off her feet.

[Brett Vesely]

He's not doing it.

[John Holmberg]

He's not. Because he's afraid she'll kill him and he's afraid they'll screw it up and one of them will go outside and go, bill Clinton told Hillary killed a lot of people. God damn it. That's exactly what I said. You can't do now. I'm good. I'm done. I'm done. It's a riddle wrapped in an enigma. He turns into David Ferry from jfk. You guys don't know how big this actually is.

[Dick Toledo]

Holmberg, bitch, please. She'll just kill him from prison.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So she can get him. But if the witness relocate him, I'm gonna be in Israel and stuff. I'm on the beach.

[Dick Toledo]

What if. What if he's not the most competent guy when it comes to. What if he just says, I can't quit you, Hillary?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he can quit Hillary in a heartbeat. He's trapped. He's trapped with the. The cloud of murder over him and all the crazy. Not confident with women. This dude's a. He took chances with a murderer for a wife to get blow jobs from pigs. He knew she was killing people. Now I'm gonna throw an allegedly on it like my company probably wants me to. She did it just like OJ I love that Homer guy. He's. He says what I think. All right. Oh, my God, she's crazy. I'd let him live with me. Like, Bill, come here.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, hell yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Roll mustache and let's just diet. You'll look like a shoe salesman. We'll go out.

[Dick Toledo]

Shaggy hair, look like Joe Walsh.

[John Holmberg]

Are we going to the Rah Rah room tonight, Josh? We are. There's a lot of fuss in there. I got the Bill. I'm gonna Bill Clinton my way through that. That is not why we go. It is why I go. All right? I'm gonna score some ass. I don't care if it's a man, woman. I do not care. I'm free as a bird. Hi, my name's Trevor. How are you? Well, what's your line of work, Trevor? I was president of a small hoa. Sprinkler head and. Hoa. That's right. Sorry. I had a brain fart HOA President for a little while. Oh, yeah, I was an HOA president. What neighborhood it was in? Help me out, Fred. Where was that? I forgot. That's right. Val Visti Lakes. Sounds beautiful place, Fred. What is that down there in the west, East, North. The Gilbert area. That's right.

[Dick Toledo]

Lakes for days.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, there's so many of them. All, to use the Spanish term, also very Val Vista. He's gonna sell that, but I'm waiting for it. I was watching yesterday. I'm like, oh, Hillary's cocky and Bill's sitting in the wings going next. Oh, this could get great. Anyway, this is this. I'm your new neighbor, Bill Johnson. Is your daughter 18 yet? Doesn't matter.

[Dick Toledo]

I don't care.

[John Holmberg]

A new neighbor seems familiar, but it doesn't have that weird anchor hanging around him all the time. I'm single. He keeps saying that. He says that in our window at night.

[Brett Vesely]

You blame him.

[John Holmberg]

You just hear your window just getting. Hey, you guys. Oh, my God, the new neighbors. I am single. Okay, thank you. I just want to let you know that I'm recently a divorced man. Freedom. And I've only got a few years to make this ride. You imagine if you set Clinton free. What an irony. What A cruel irony to set that poonhound loose when he's 80. You mean I can do it. Nobody's gonna get mad at me now. Now it's. I have to have popsicle sticks to my dick to make it work.

[Dick Toledo]

So gently. Got me curious who is killed more? Jigsaw or the actual saw mask herself?

[John Holmberg]

I've always said Hillary looks just like Jigsaw. I think she was the inspiration for the mask. She's got those big dumb cheeks and I think Jigsaw and Hillary are the same person.

[Brett Vesely]

I think I banged Jigsaw first.

[John Holmberg]

I make her wear a mask sometimes. Sometimes I hit it from behind and I just hear it in the thing. Would you like to play a game? We will kill you if you don't finish this. That's. I feel like I've lived the life of Saul. You have to. You have to. I mean, you have to. This or we will kill you. So Bill goes in today and I am. I'm on pin. I am on the edge of my seat.

[Brett Vesely]

What time does that happen?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. It's going to. Brett. Once you start to realize what my brain's doing to this, you're like, oh, this might get good. I'm anticipating smooth sailing. But if I was in Bill's camp, I would just. On the drive over, just go, hey, before you go in there, Mr. President. What is it, Johnny? You've always got something interesting to say. We could get her today. What are you talking about? I'm just going to go in there and talk about the Epstein stuff. No, no, no, no, no, no. Throw the curveball, man. You want Hillary in the can? Flame through it. I'm listening. Flamethrow it. Then you're off the hook.

[Dick Toledo]

You had me at the can.

[John Holmberg]

Can I stay at your house? With full immunity?

[Brett Vesely]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Will we go to the Rah Rah? Yes. I'll let you borrow clothes. Cool. I can dress like I'm 11.

[Dick Toledo]

Do you like dogs?

[John Holmberg]

Because you dress like an 11 year old boy. I know, I know. Steve had American Eagle clothes because that was your. That was probably your peak.

[Dick Toledo]

I've got other outlets.

[John Holmberg]

American Eagle kid. And you had those tight shirts and those pants that weren't right, but you thought you looked good. I liked you.

[Brett Vesely]

Then he'd have to have Seal Team 6 on his security detail, though, with Hillary after his ass.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, of course. And there's John and I. Just picture. Picture the future. John and I running around in Abercrombie and Fitch tees just having the time of Our lives.

[Brett Vesely]

Guys could cabana wear it up.

[John Holmberg]

We could cabana up. We're dressing like kind of retarded adults, but we are comfortable 11 year old boys because that's how our brains operate. I would just tell them, now's your chance, Billy. Six o'. Clock. Here's the word for the Metallica game. Let me do it. Today's word for six o' clock is massacre. You set that up, Bill. Massacre. Which hopefully I have the guts to perform today in Chappaquiddick, which is ironic as well, because. Or Chappaqua. Where are we? We in Chappaquido and Chappaqua. Damn it. So close to where my friends at Kennedys used to murder women. Yeah. This is the chance to finally put that to rest. What are you gonna do? I am. I am. I'm sitting there watching TV yesterday. And if you watch Hillary's Exit, she's so Hillary on her way out. She's very much like, this is a waste of my time. I am the. Oh, she's mouthy. And she knows deep down in her brain that that puppet on a string that goes in today is not gonna sell her out. So whatever she told him, he's gotta back up. And then tonight she's. Or last night she was sitting there saying, and I told him this, and that's what you'll say. And I told him this, and that's what you'll say. Yes, ma'. Am. Just stop pointing that gun at me.

[Dick Toledo]

Mr. Clinton, are you referring to notes?

[John Holmberg]

Yes, these are notes that my wife left me. If you notice on top it says lies you will tell and confirm for your wife. If you guys are interested in these notes, I'll hand them over. I got copies.

[Brett Vesely]

He's got the Roxanne earpiece in and everything else. Worms.

[John Holmberg]

Give me a second with that last question. What? Hillary, I believe that we never met the Epstein's and those pictures are doctors. I don't really believe that.

[Brett Vesely]

I didn't even see any of it. Did they ask her about the pictures and everything?

[John Holmberg]

I don't. She came out so like gung ho that she was never met the guy. She protected herself. She even said, yeah, I didn't meet him. I never knew him. I never even interacted. I've never been to the island. And it's like you're not helping your husband right now because that means he went alone. And that's not better.

[Dick Toledo]

And that's what whatever Massie or whatever the other senator said, you know, she said you'd have to ask my husband more than 12 times. Yeah, like so.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, okay.

[Dick Toledo]

Throwing him under the bus.

[John Holmberg]

She doesn't care. She's. She's got a noose around his neck. My dick's been in a jar since 1998. Oh, it's so exciting. Massacre is today's word. Six o'. Clock. Go on the KUPD app and the. The website. And you can do that? I got this email from some. It's a little long, but it's good. And I can only read it with one eye, so there's going to be some moments where I get a little dizzy.

[Brett Vesely]

Come on. Brady threw that thing.

[Dick Toledo]

Brace yourself.

[John Holmberg]

You know, this is. This is. This is really kind of my Clinton to Brady moment is that I have one eye right now. And watch how I knock this out. He's got two eyes.

[Brett Vesely]

He does.

[John Holmberg]

I golf with that guy. He has. He's an eagle. He sees golf balls. It's amazing. Brady's. Brady's vision on a golf course is unmatched.

[Dick Toledo]

All his other senses are declined.

[John Holmberg]

And you know what? I figured it out. You can call me the Jew, but I figured it out. Because he's cheap and golf balls are expensive. He never takes his eye off the ball and even your own. So you'll hit one off into the desert or something, and the next thing you know, twofold. He's checking for your golf ball. And he's also looking for wildlife. So he loves wandering around, looking. And I'm the type person. I'll hit the ball into the thing, into the dirt, and I'm like, I'm not looking for that. There's snakes and bugs, and I'm not wandering around. And tumbleweeds. If I hit it there, I'm an idiot. I'll just drop one over here. I'll find it. I don't care. He's out there kicking around. Here it is. And God damn it if he doesn't find it. Like, 90% of the time, Brady's over there.

[Dick Toledo]

House in the distance. You want to take a drop?

[John Holmberg]

No, I'll find it. We've been looking for about 18 minutes. I'll find it, Chuckwalla. And he does. To his credit, he almost always finds her. He'll tell you, you were out by this tree, and then he took a bounce, right? And I'm like, how did you see that? I watched the ball. Keep your eye on the ball, son. Anyway, so with one eye. I will read this now. And it says holmberg. Well, I'm gonna need you to apologize. This restless leg syndrome talk all week has has been a problem. It's out of line. So here we go again. Right? Here's what I'm thinking. So here's why my wife came into the garage yesterday. I guess that would mean two days ago because I was listening to the podcast. Oh no. He emailed this earlier this morning. Says, by the way, the podcast is so much better than the old radio show. That is true. Since we've switched to a podcast only situation here, it just flies through. You know, it's really good being on the podcast. And since the owners of the place have taken their eye off the ball and what we are and they don't know if we're a radio station or a podcast or an app or we just went podcast. It's been going really well. This I get to fast forward through the commercials. There's no more Smashing Pumpkins or Mews to wait through to hear Brett laughing at something racist. Anyway, she came out to the garage to see why I was sitting in the car so long and what the hell was going on. And she points to me and shrugs her shoulders and I just said Holmberg. Which was met with her customary eye roll. But while you destroyed Rachel on the air and I cried dying laughing, my wife, the reason why it was funny to me, makes the claim that she also has restless leg syndrome. So it hit home with me that I've spent close to $15,000 over the last couple years for her to get acupuncture, hypnotherapy, wellness pills from some Middle Eastern cat that comes to the house. Anyway, she runs to the car and she wants to share a laugh and I'm like, ugh. So I shut the radio off real fast and I said, you wouldn't get it. And I get out of the car. Well, she's immediately pissed off. What was that? And I told her Holmberg and Brett were making jokes about an Asian black pimp because she hates race related comedy.

[Brady]

KUPD With a global credit card, you earn reward points for every purchase. Use your rewards at checkout at many of your favorite stores or use points instead of cash when you shop online. You can even use them to book a flight up to three days in advance. New York, Vegas, Albuquerque, Albuquerque. From groceries to getaways, redeem your way. Apply for your global credit card [e-mail] Global Credit Union.

[Dick Toledo]

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[John Holmberg]

for some reason, she didn't buy my story and I was acting a little sus, to be honest. Oh, I love that people say that. Now Suspect. Remember how long in the olden days when you tried to say suspect and you just ran out of gas like you were running up a flight of stairs? I'm like, if only that word were four letters shorter.

[Dick Toledo]

You know we're missing the guy that loves that.

[John Holmberg]

Who's that? Brady? Well, because you can barely make Anyway, I did act sus too. So about an hour later I had a nap. And while I napped, she went through my phone. Now there's a girl at work named Wendy and my wife thinks Wendy's into me. I'm 35, I got two kids, and I'm fat as Rachel. Wendy is 23, absolutely gorgeous, and no way she's in my league or interested in me.

[Brett Vesely]

Nice kill, kid.

[John Holmberg]

My last two phone calls in my phone were to Wendy. Work related. But one was right before I pulled into the garage and then turned the podcast back on. Wife saw that, put a timeline together that's not real, but close and thinks now that I'm having the time of my life with Wendy and I'm hiding the calls. Well, here's what I learned. Never use this defense when your wife thinks you're messing around. My exact words were, wendy, are you insane? I could never swing a chick that hot. Oops.

[Dick Toledo]

Nice. It's reflective though.

[John Holmberg]

Well, women evidently hear that as an insult, Holmberg. And now I'm in a huge fight. I told her the truth about what I was listening to and played it for. Now it's even worse because I was laughing so hard at the restless leg syndrome and she thinks I don't believe in her witchcraft and made up disease, which I don't. But I do support that. She thinks she has it to the tune of 15 grand. So for me, Scott, a Loyal fan. And I know demographics. I'm a dream listener. I make over 200 grand a year, and I'm 35. Boy, he is. He's a demo. If we still paid attention to demos back in the old FM radio days. Says, could you please tell my wife Heather that you're sorry and are the reason I was laughing at what's wrong with her. You got to do something about this, man. And Brady doesn't help when you sit there quietly and make things even worse. Well, today's a bad day to say that Brady's not here. Thanks for the laugh. And potential divorce. Hey, Brett, who's your favorite Winnie the Pooh character? Love you guys. Scott. All right, that's the. You're a dick. You're Scott. You're a dick. Clearly.

[Brett Vesely]

You apologizing for what exactly?

[John Holmberg]

Absolutely not. His wife has a fake disease. It's not my fault. You understand? Yeah. Brett gets it. He had a wife. But your wife had real disease. Your ex wife had real things.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay?

[John Holmberg]

She would go to hospitals.

[Dick Toledo]

Here's how I know she would be diagnosed. Right.

[John Holmberg]

Let me say this. Sure. Oh, I'm gonna make some people upset about this. Here's how I know. Whatever you got, you know, ain't exactly real. You won't go to a real doctor. Am I wrong? You can back me up on this. You go to, like, some dude in a strip mall who says the word wellness on his door.

[Dick Toledo]

Wellness. Holistic.

[John Holmberg]

Let's not go crazy. Just wellness. No, no, no. I'm just going. Let's not start saying the words we're all thinking. But if you'll just go to the hospital. The hospital just wants to pump you full of drugs. You gotta fix it. I mean, what are we doing here? I need to go to a retreat. What? You can't sweat out Restless leg syndrome. Rachel's been trying that for years. That's why she put on all that weight.

[Brett Vesely]

Let me call my life coach.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. If you go to a hypnotist before you go to a real doctor, you deep down know what you've got ain't real. You just don't want to be embarrassed by a real medical professional who might have a Harvard thing on his wall. Like, my buddy Dr. Brink is the real deal. Right? He's like a. He's a. You go to Dr. Brink and you're like, I think my liver's restless and it kicks me at night. He'd just start laughing and go, you need this number. And it would be pretty top diptubees. And he lives over in Scottsdale, and he's got a wellness facility. Go to a real doctor and then a wellness thing. I'm all on your team, but until you, like, admit, like, I need to go to a doctor with degrees, not a dude who got something online.

[Dick Toledo]

He's got a certificate. It hangs on his wall.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, right. The medical community is all a scam. There's some of that, some of that's true. But, you know, I'll take my chances. Take my chances. You know what I didn't do when my eye blew up a week and a half ago? Go to a wellness doctor. And he'd tell me, go to Sedona and sweat it out.

[Brett Vesely]

Maybe you wouldn't have to stay on your face for six days then.

[John Holmberg]

Here's the maybe not.

[Dick Toledo]

Acupuncturist might have helped you.

[John Holmberg]

No, no.

[Brett Vesely]

Could be blind too.

[John Holmberg]

Tell you right now, I wouldn't have sight in my right eye. It was an immediate need. I don't think they were pumping me full of drugs and lies. That dude's like, we want to help you. So to Heather, your husband Scott, and your cruddy made up disease. I ain't sorry about nothing, horse.

[Brett Vesely]

God dropped 15k on this.

[John Holmberg]

Look, that's support. You can't cause a dude to spend $15,000 on your restless leg syndrome and then say later, he doesn't support you. You gotta give him a bounce every once in a while that he's like, well, whatever you're doing, if you. Here's my thing. If you've spent 15 grand and you haven't gone to a doctor and you got pills all over the place, and you got an appointment on Thursday and Tuesday, and you still have restless leg syndrome.

[Dick Toledo]

Worse than pills. You've got tinctures in a cabinet.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know what. Yeah, you got little drop droppers. Yeah, tinctures is a good word. I haven't heard that in a while. Nice job. But yeah, if you've gone and you still have restless leg syndrome and it's been a couple years, you got to stop going to that thing and head over to the er. They'll just tell me I'm. They'll just. They'll tell you you're making it up.

[Brett Vesely]

Travis said, I'm gonna go home today and have a beer for Scott. Yeah, he has a lot to deal with when he gets home. Now, after hearing you guys this morning

[John Holmberg]

again, bigger, bigger problem with Scott was the Wendy. I could never land a chick that hot. Saying it to the woman, you actually landed that. That's where your trouble lies, Scott. You're dumb.

[Dick Toledo]

Whatever, Homeburg. Come back to me when you said you've tried yoga and essential oils to fix that eye and we'll talk.

[John Holmberg]

I do it. Look, if I. If I did it and. Guys, I didn't go to the doctor. I use yoga and essential oils. And the tear in my retina healed itself.

[Brett Vesely]

I wish you'd told me.

[John Holmberg]

You'd be like, holy smokes. But if you saw me and I'm twitching and my eyes clicking and like a year later, like, John, you need to go to a doctor for that eyeball.

[Dick Toledo]

No, no, I think it's working.

[John Holmberg]

I'm pretty sure that the tincture is getting her done.

[Dick Toledo]

We're on the right track.

[John Holmberg]

Pre Hop told me that this is going to be really good. Adihatakari had told me that this is gonna work out. And all I have to do is rub this on the inside of my elbows for the next two years. It will only cost you $7,000 for the tincture treatments. And you need to do it for at least three years. Or I guess you could go to the hospital and they could fix it tomorrow with drugs. Yuck. Big, Big Pharma. All they want to do is make you a patient. I want you to come here for three years and get well. Three years? You heard me. It takes some time. It's teacher. You have to get into it. You know, you must. Those wellness doctors, like 90% of them are pretty much Jiminy Cricket. If you believe it will be real.

[Brett Vesely]

Yes.

[Dick Toledo]

With a suitcase.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Walking through there, just tipping their top hats at you, going, all you have to do is believe. Like the wizard in the wizard of Oz told Dorothy, it's up to you. You've had the power the whole time to just believe you're not sick because what you are doing to yourself is nonsense. Thanks, Prip Dapi. You're very welcome. And thank you for your check with your husband's name, Scott. For $5,000, we will see you every Tuesday for the next millennia.

[Dick Toledo]

And another five.

[John Holmberg]

See you next Tuesday. See you next Tuesday. I mean, Heather Donovan's got a questionnaire. And then he said what? He said that he could never land a chick as hot as Wendy. Wendy must be a piece of.

[Dick Toledo]

What do you mean?

[John Holmberg]

Well, I mean, you are fat like Rachel, so I cannot. I assume he is probably landing fives most of the time. Let me see a picture of Wendy and your husband and I will tell you if he is having an affair. Oh, sweet Jesus, no. This man could never Learn something this hard, this man could only land something that looks like you. Heather says, hey, Scott, Cordell. And Cordell.

[Brett Vesely]

Damn right.

[John Holmberg]

Wife's paranoid that you're cheating on her for a reason. My wife always was accusing me and she was the one doing it. Well, I don't know if that's true or not, but the big mistake wasn't like an affair or anything like that. It was telling her that Wendy's hot and if I could nail her, I would. But there's no chance I get chicks like you. And that ain't gonna go over to

[Brett Vesely]

basically calling her a slob.

[John Holmberg]

Right? Yeah. You can't. Yeah. You say things like that. It's like, oh, are you kidding me? Imagine if your wife said that to you. I'm damaged goods. No decent man would want me. No, I'm right here. I guess that.

[Brett Vesely]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

That didn't. That's. That didn't hurt my feelings. I have to end up with slobs like you. Gutter trash. Oh, you think if I wanted to be one of the guys from heated rivalry I wouldn't? I'm stuck with your tubby gut. You think Ronnie? I think Brady was her first choice.

[Dick Toledo]

Come on, man. At that time, 20 years ago, he was a piece of.

[John Holmberg]

He hasn't aged at all since I met him.

[Dick Toledo]

Isn't anything.

[John Holmberg]

I'm in the same boat. There's no reason should settle on me. I tell him too, you should leave. Why don't you love me? Oh, you're fine. I don't know what you're doing right. I just looked in the mirror. This is a disaster. What do you see that I don't see? And then I make her watch shallow how? With me. And I'm like, reverse it. That's you. This one says, tell Scott to hit the gym, file for divorce and enjoy life with Wendy. And that's signed Shane. Thanks. Showtime. Shane? Yeah. Scott, I can't apologize to your wife. Wendy and I can't apologize for. Or no, Wendy's is Wendy's wife. Wait, yeah, I remember which one. Heather's his wife. Wendy's the one who wants to be his wife.

[Brett Vesely]

Wait a minute, John. Are you telling me that meditating while listening to bowl music isn't going to help with diabetes?

[John Holmberg]

Wilford Brimley tried it for years and he never got rid of the diabetes anyway. And I'm not saying that it isn't valuable. I'm saying if you haven't gone to real doctors first and then the wellness thing, at least try and again, if you go to a doctor for over a year and you still have it. Switch, right? Yep. Absolutely. You especially can talk about this because you had a wife who was. And. But again, I always go back to your ex wife. It's like, geez, she's got another thing. Then she'd go to a real doctor and they'd be like, you need a surgery on that. And they. She had legit stuff. Okay, all right. The bitterness seeps through. Seeps through the podcast speakers. Anyway, the podcast continues on the six o' clock word is massacre. Massacre spelled French, by the way. Don't screw this up. Massacre. And you'll get in there98kupd.com or go to the app and then click on that and find your way around because we are bouncing you all over the place trying to get you up there to Vegas to see Metallica at Sphere. October 1st and October 3rd. Their first two shows are completely different sets and they will do both for you and you'll have tickets to both. And by the way, the tickets will go on sale, what, March 2nd? I think they said sometime next week.

[Brett Vesely]

Tuesday, I think.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I think Free sale. Fan, fan. Presale. And they're gone. There's no way.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh my God.

[John Holmberg]

John Summit sold that thing out. Seven shows. He sold it out in seven seconds. And I mean, it's. It's a big venue, but I mean, when people. People want in the experience. It's like when they opened up State Farm Stadium in the Cardinals and it sold out the first year. That wasn't because the Cardinals were in it. It's because the stadium was new and people wanted to be there. Sphere still has a draw and it is an eye and century explosion. You've got to see this. And seeing Metallica there, a bunch of KUPD people, that's huge.

[Brett Vesely]

Hell, we all signed up for the presale because we can't even get tickets to this thing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, no, we're not touching them. And by the way, when they sell out, you're not touching them for under two grand. Oh, yeah, And I'd say in the worst seat in the house, but I've been there. There isn't one, so can't imagine what it's like for a concert. It's gotta be incredible. So, yeah, it's gonna be cost. We're giving you thousands of dollars of tickets and all you gotta do is put a word in every hour. We'll do it all day long. And 6am's word is massacre. That's how that works. We're gonna get you a wake up song. That's up to you. You call us 585-9800. You give us a wake up song, we scream it together. It's 98 KUPD Wake up. Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio K

[Dick Toledo]

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[John Holmberg]

it's John Holmberg here from the morning Cygnus, and I'm absolutely thrilled to tell you about my [e-mail]. you've heard me mention Kevin Costner, Trey McBride, other countless celebrities and pro athletes and how they chose lifted trucks. But that doesn't mean it's only for actors and pro athletes. It's for all of you. Everybody who loves a cool adventure. So if you're a huge celebrity like me or just an average Joe who wants the best truck available, head on over to Lifted Trucks. They live up to being the number one custom truck dealer for over 30 years. Years 10,000 five star reviews can't be wrong. Liftedtrucks. Com work hard, play hard, Drive harder.