03-02-26 - FULL SHOW - MONDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – 98KUPD | March 2, 2026 FULL SHOW SUMMARY

Main Theme & Purpose

This episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness—Arizona’s top-rated, longest-running morning radio show—dives into the Monday after a world-shaking weekend: the US bombing of Iran. John Holmberg, with co-hosts Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and producer Dick Toledo, weave their irreverent humor and sharp social commentary through breaking news, pop culture, Arizona events, old-school ranting, and absurd listener letters. The team’s signature style—unyielding, satirical, and always skirting the lines of political correctness—balances national headlines with local flavor, offbeat observations, and bawdy banter.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Weekend Recaps: Weddings, Renaissance Festivals, and Comedians

• (01:14 – 02:28) Brady returns from an eight-minute wedding in Ohio, swearing off all future weddings but embracing receptions and funerals. “Don’t invite me. ... The party is fun. I don’t need to watch that.” — John Holmberg
• Bret hits the Renaissance Festival; John lunches with comedian Josh Blue.

2. US Bombs Iran: Playground Bully Metaphor, Media Coverage, & National Mood

• (02:46 – 05:58) Holmberg compares longstanding US-Iran tensions to childhood bullies finally getting their comeuppance (“the playground bully got crushed by a rock”).
• He admits mixed feelings: not loving war, but feeling satisfaction at decades of antagonists being dealt a blow.
• Memorable Quote: “Ayatollah’s getting killed. ... The majority of my life, this place has been Pricksville Earth.” — John (04:48)
• The show skewers the triviality of news coverage, noting ads for shoe sales (“DSW Shoe Warehouse”) and Mugsy jeans run before missile footage. Holmberg: “Is it real if I have to watch a 30-second shoe ad before World War 3?”

3. Judging Again: Satire, Paranoia & Changing Social Mores

• (10:23 – 17:32) The hosts riff on how terror alerts have resurrected the idea that it’s okay—even recommended—to judge others for safety, targeting the hypocrisy of “don’t judge” movements versus present-day “if you see something, say something.”
• Quote: “We’re self-sustaining bigots. ... But it’s safer!” — John (11:18)
• They parody self-censorship, mock visible religious/cultural markers (“Property of Allah” sweatshirts), and reminisce about Russia’s image morphing from friendly to adversarial again.

4. Valley Life & Cultural Satire

• (18:44 – 21:49) Local topics: Religious symbols on “A” Mountain, the blending of Arizona festivals, and mocking the country music scene.
• John imagines “must report weird muzzy behavior on top of a mountain” to 911.

5. News Media as Entertainment

• (22:50 – 29:11; 47:25 – 54:09) The team skewers 24-hour news coverage, suggesting that today’s “war” is programmed for ratings more than information, with endless commercials breaking the “gravitas.” “Anything with advertising to me is not real.”
• Media types “standing on balconies with no makeup” in Israel become targets of their mockery.
• Memorable Quote: “Everything you see on the news is for entertainment purposes first. ... That footage means money to them.” — John (56:00)

6. Audience Interactions & Running Gags

• Emails: A series of deliberately provocative “listener emails” signed by “Deandre Ayton of the Los Angeles Lakers” lampoons cancel culture and outrage tactics. (55:00+)
• Contests: Listeners are prompted all morning with code words (“enter”, “Trujillo”, “fuel”, “blackened”) for the Metallica “Disappear to the Sphere” contest.

7. Pop Culture & Sports

• Surfing & Celsius Commercial: (65:43 – 72:33) Tangent on women’s surf scoring, with the conclusion that “girls in thongs get higher scores.” Extended, adolescent humor over a particularly “hypnotic” Celsius beverage ad during a surf competition sparks a nostalgia-laden digression about teen sexuality and commercials of yore.
• NFL Combine & Cardinals Woes: (82:21 – 88:23) In-depth, tongue-in-cheek exploration of the Arizona Cardinals considering cutting Kyler Murray, quarterback woes, and NFL Combine observations. “Your dream: be the greatest baseball player ever...and to go to Cincinnati to do it. Sorry, Brady. Ohio sucks.”

8. Absurd Advice: “What Would Brady Do?”

• (140:16 – 162:28) The weekly letter segment serves up listeners’ confessions and dilemmas:
  • Wife’s anatomy has “gone from paper cut to first baseman’s mitt...with the laces pulled out.” The crew can’t solve it, but suggest watching old videos together to broach tough conversations.
  • “Me or the dog” ultimatum: Side with the dog; dogs are excellent judges of character.
  • “Pegging” with a twist: A man whose wife backed out of a tit-for-tat arrangement; advice ranges from tongue-in-cheek punishments to accepting new sexual realities.

9. Light News, Arizona Life, and Odd Trends

• (110:44 – 129:39) Brady covers fun facts (Finnish saunas, otter babies, roulette wheel math), “seasoning your kids” TikTok trends, a new ranch-chicken milkshake, and the viral “Alpine divorce” dating move (break up mid-hike and leave them in the woods).
• Odd news reports, car and gym fail videos, and local business spotlights sprinkle throughout.

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Memorable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• On Media & Judgment:
  “Judge away, gang. Judge away. ... The safer world.” — John (12:22)

• Bombing Iran:
  “I don't like war, but in this particular case, kind of a wry smile when they said 48 of their leaders died. ... That’s a pretty good hit.” — John (25:27)

• On News-as-Showbiz:
  “They stand on balconies with cameras and film rockets. ... That footage means money to them.” — John (56:00)

• Commercial Break Satire:
  “If you want to get your news, you gotta sit through a 30-second DSW ad first.” — John (06:21)

• Cultural Paranoia:
  “Your inner bigot is allowed to breathe right now. He’s a jerk, but he’ll keep you safe.” — John (34:21)

• Surf Commercial Digression:
  “If I was a teenager when this came out, every bit of my bodily fluids would have been drained out.' — John (66:32)

• Listener Letter on Wife’s Anatomy: "My wife’s vagina has gone from paper cut...to a first baseman’s mitt.” — letter, read by John (140:34)

• On Cardinals Quarterbacks:
  “Kyler...he’s going to get released. It’s going to cost the Cardinals like 20 something million dollars to get rid of him.” — John (83:21)

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Notable & Hilarious/Absurd Segments

• Comedy About Real News:
  The show consistently lampoons how current events are handled like entertainment—massively heightened during wartime, complete with “sponsored” bomb footage.

• “Judge Away” Rant:
  A sustained, high-energy monologue about why it’s suddenly okay to trust your gut and judge people’s intent based on looks or “bad vibes.”

• Surf Commercial Porn/Jokes:
  Long segment obsessing over a women’s surf contest Celsius ad; suggestions it would have ruined their teenage years (66:32+).

• Listener Letters & Advice:
  The team reads audience confessions on personal topics (body shaming, “pegging,” dog vs. girlfriend), offering advice that ranges from the heartfelt (“pick the dog”) to the intentionally disastrous.

• Local Color/Insider Gags:
  Jabs at local festivals, roads, and “Bar Ronnie”—the goat restaurant that replaced Brady’s American barbecue joint.

• Metallica Contest Codes:
  Regular reminders of the “word of the hour” for the big ticket giveaway, always delivered with characteristic sarcasm.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Weekend Recap & Opening Banter: 01:14–02:28
• US Bombs Iran/Media Satire: 02:46–06:48
• Return of “Judging” & Social Satire: 10:23–17:32
• CNN, War News as Ratings Show: 22:50–29:11, 47:25–54:09
• Surf Commercial Segment: 65:43–72:33
• NFL Combine & Cardinals QB Woes: 82:21–88:23
• Advice Segment (“What Would Brady Do?”): 140:16–162:28
• Arizona & Pop Oddities (“The Brains Report”): 110:44–129:39

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Tone and Style

• Unfiltered, unapologetic, and darkly comedic.
• Frequent sarcasm, irreverent pop culture riffs, and rapid-fire local shoutouts.
• Running inside jokes between hosts, and the kind of gallows humor typical of long-running radio crews.
• Blunt social commentary, rarely PC, always self-aware: “We’re self-sustaining bigots... but we’re the best at it.”

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Takeaway for New Listeners

This episode epitomizes Holmberg’s Morning Sickness: the hosts turn headlines into targets, find comedy in the week’s tragedies and controversies, mock the machinery of media and politics, and turn local color and audience letters into must-hear theater. It’s fast, fearless, and never dull—perfect for those who want their news with a jolt of Arizona sass and late-night edge.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[A]

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[A]

going to desertridgeimprov.com standuplive.com and tempeimprov.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. That's a way to kick her off.

[C]

That's strong.

[A]

Good morning, everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Monday. It is 5:45. It's the morning sickness. My name's John Holmberg. How are you? There's Brady Bogan back from Ohio to watch his nephew's wedding. There's Brett. He's one crown down. And there's big dick Toledo getting me a drink right now as prescribed by his job title. Oh, boy, what a weekend. First off, we'll start with you. Eight minute wedding. You said Charlie Wolf. That's getting her done. Oh, eight minute wedding. I'm never going to another wedding again in my life. That is a promise to you, the American people. And I will follow through on that forever. Don't invite me. Don't ask me. I don't want to go. I never wanted to go ever. Never wanted to go to a wedding. They're all the same. I'll happily go to your reception afterwards. The party is fun. I don't need to watch that. The divorce rate is incredibly high. Chances are I'll catch another one of your weddings later. But I'm not going anymore. Funerals from here on, that's all I Do now aren't you glad you spent

[B]

thousands of dollars to fly back for eight minutes?

[A]

Exactly. That is kind of a ripoff in a weird way. You should get some cash.

[C]

Well, the reception wasn't eight minutes.

[A]

Yeah, but still, you kind of want like, that was it. I could have skipped this and then shown up for the reception. But eight minutes is. You get all dressed up and you get all stuff.

[C]

It was amazing.

[A]

That's pretty great, though.

[C]

Is it? That's it.

[A]

Through the I dos out. It's like, do you. Yep. Do you? Yep. All right, here. Say some nice things.

[B]

We're out of here.

[A]

That's great. Yeah. Eight minute weddings are always the better kind. It was really good. Brett went to the Renaissance festival this weekend. Yeah. Fantastic work there.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Thank you. And, yeah, and I took a cripple to lunch. Josh Blue and I went to lunch for. It was about it, but it was fun. And then, of course, the big news. Everybody's blabbing on and on about and old judgment. Johnny is back and smiling. How you guys doing? My way is taken over. We bombed Iran. So far so good. And people, I got an email right away. We just talk about that. Let's find out. And this is going to be awesome because it's going to piss off. I'll get letters from both Republicans and Democrats. I'll be a liberal cuck. Howard Stern want to be again. Or I'll be some lunatic right wing, you know, fringe crazy person. It's a, you know, a Trump tart. And it's going to be just because I say the following. Bombing Iran. I may not be all about the. How we went about this, but I compare it to this. You know that kid back in junior high that was picking on everybody? Allen Gully. And he's kicking people. There was a kid named Robert and a kid named Kelly when I was in sixth grade. And they'd come watch it. We'd go play in the park and play baseball. And they'd ride that cruddy little motorcycle. They had that little two stroke thing that they were allowed to. They were the Kelly leak type bike. Yeah, exactly. And they were like 15. You'd hear coming off the road and you're like, ah, we're in the park. They hide. Here comes Robert and Kelly. And then Robert and Kelly would ride their bikes down and interrupt our baseball game and then grab me or Mike Burkhart because we were little and pick us up and like rough us up. And then they'd throw us in garbage cans or stuff us under a picnic table and wouldn't let us out. They were horrible. Fast forward about 20 years, news comes out Kelly was hiking Four Peaks and went to reach for a rock to pull himself up, and the rock gave loose and crushed him to death. Sure, that's a tragic story for the family, but deep down, I'd been kind of rooting for something like that for a good long time. Ever since I was trying to work my way out of a garbage can at Everheart Park. That's the same thing with Iran. I necessarily like the how, but deep down, for about 47 years, we've all been going good. I wish they'd get cancer. Like, we've hated them. Yeah. So in a weird way, we're like, maybe we don't like how we went about this. Like, it's going to drag us into a. But if it means up Iran, I guess I'm okay with that. That seems. Yeah. Ayatollah's getting killed. We. Look, I'm 53. The majority of my life, this place has been Pricksville Earth. Like. Like every time. It's like, what did Iran have to do with it? Everything. So them. You know, I don't want troops to get. You know, you go through the regular things of saying, I don't want troops, that I certainly don't want any Americans hurt and everything like that. But if it means kicking Iran and the nuts hard enough that Iran finally goes away before and I can spend the last 10 or 15 years I got left on this planet not worrying about those sticks anymore, then I'm all for this. I still don't understand how we obliterated all their stuff about eight months ago and now we're back there. That's a different story in a can of worms. We can open up another day, but deep down.

[C]

And I'm going to get jacked around for gas again.

[A]

Exactly. And then our 401ks are going to take a beating for a few days. But the Bully in school 47 years later has, like, a malignant tumor and it's not good. Okay, I'm pretty happy with that. That seems nice. That was great. Joy. When I found out that Kelly guy got crushed by a rock, he was a horrible little toad. Now, he might have changed his ways in the years between stuff and Burkhart and I and cans and, you know, the day that that rock killed him. But deep down, the people. There were a lot of people who were like, oh, my God, did you hear about Kelly? No. What happened? A rock crushed him while he was hiking and My reaction was, oh, dude, that's terrible. You know, you say it through a smile.

[C]

According to Trump, there's 48 Kelly's taken out.

[A]

There's a lot of Kelly's taken. You know what? Good. We got a lot of those Kelly's. We dropped them like rocks, you know, that's what we did. And they're idiots, so they're just straighting now. Anybody bombing uae and the most important thing I saw in the news about that Lindsay Lohan's okay. She lives there, you know, in Dubai. Here's how I know again. My. My fat. My fat red faced me. That's coming out in like conspiracy theories. Yes, it's all real. I understand that this is real. But it all seems so strangely different than before. I went on Saturday morning. As you know, it happened as we're sleeping. And so I go on Saturday morning to get some news and I'm like, holy cow, Mom. And I ran. And then it said, cutter takes. Takes blows from Iran. And there's their lobbing bombs. A cutter video here. I'm like, oh, my God. And it said, tel Aviv intercepts 30 missiles video here. I'm like, oh, I don't want to be a salacious weirdo about this, but I want to watch rockets get blown up. I like things floating. So I'm thinking maybe this would be fun. And when I clicked on these very serious World War 3 type videos, I realized the world we lived in is just a simulation. And isn't. Isn't that real or serious about anything? Because in order for me to see cut her get blown up by bombs, I had to sit through a 32nd DSW Shoe Warehouse commercial first. So I'm really, really not sure this matters as deeply to all people that I do now know that there's a 30% off sale at DSW. And I'm like, that's nice. And then I watch bombs blow up buildings because in order for me to get my news that's very weighted, I had to sit through a video of shoe sales. And then the next one was targeting me for Mugsy jeans because I like Mugsy. Jeff, you don't if you're looking for a jeans company and can't mugs these great Mugsy jeans. It's a little side endorsement there I'm doing because I really enjoy those jeans. I'm not getting paid for that one, but I'm telling you, they're good jeans. And then so before I could watch the supreme leader of Ayatollah blah, blah, blah, ran whatever this Guy was before, and they were showing videos of him screaming, death to America. I'm like, oh, I'll click on that. I got an ad for nice jeans and I considered maybe shopping a little there, but it's summer. Not going to wear a lot of jeans. Coming next few months. While I'll wait for September's war to find out Mugsy's New Deal. So, yeah, I'm watching advertisements for. You know, I don't think they ever did that. When Edward R. Murrow came on and said, we're dropping bombs on Germany right now. And two schools were hit, but first, Vermont teddy bears. Don't you want one for this holiday season? Like, oh, my God, is he doing an ad in the middle of. On 9 11. We were doing this show and our boss called us to tell us, what do you. Why are you just playing news? Because we just went on and switched over to the news feed because we didn't know what was going on. And he said, God damn it, get back on the air and play those ads. I said, I don't think people care about the Labor Day sales right now, Chuck. Play the goddamn ads. All right, so in the middle of, like, a second plane has hit the building. You heard me, Come back in and go, hey, we gotta interrupt this real quick. Just to let you know that Burge Mazda is gonna have a hell of a deal on the weekend. I'm pretty sure that's still going on. It's the Labor Day special.

[B]

Those are Mugsies.

[A]

Mugsy jeans. I'm telling you, man, that's a fantastic Gene company, Chuck.

[C]

I don't think they want their commercials running during this. Right.

[A]

Yeah, I don't think you're right. We're blowing things out of the water today. Like the Labor Day. That was back when car dealers just yelled at you the whole time. But back to my original point and the reason I'm beaming with pride, Brett, you should be too. And here's where I'm gonna get the other side mad. All you liberal knobs that try to get everybody fired. I'm all for the bombing, but I'm not sure I like how. So I'm on the liberal side with that one. I'm like, they supposed to ask Congress for this kind of stuff? And I am a believer. You gotta sit through, sift through the rules. Then the reason he didn't ask Congress because loaded with a bunch of pussies that would have probably said no. But the best part is, for the last 15 years, and I don't think society's gotten better because of it. All we've tried to teach people is don't judge anyone. Don't judge people.

[B]

That's bad.

[A]

Don't do it. Don't see color, don't see shape, don't see weirdos. Don't see a dude in a dress and say anything. Don't do it. It's everybody's allowed to be whatever they are till now. The news won't tell you to stop. Keep your head on the swivel. See something weird now it's people like me who are often confused for racists. But we're not. We're self sustaining bigots. That's one of them. We all are deep down. This isn't just a white people thing to run around and judge everybody. We just are the best at it. Black people don't see a group of dudes in leather with shaved heads and go, let's just go meet these individuals. You cross the street to protect yourself. So now all I saw two news stories this morning on tv, one on the radio, big features with terrorism experts. Keep your head on a swivel. You see something weird. I mean there's no, no time. You see a guy in a sweatshirt in the middle of summer, so he's up to no good. Judge people by the way they look is back and it is safer. It's a better way to live. The days of look at this weirdo are back and you can't get fired for it anymore. Don't take advantage of it. Get us all in trouble. Be real with it. Don't just point out anybody who's like, I don't like that Mexican. That's not what we're doing here. Unless of course you don't like the look of that Mexican because he's up to no good. Keep your head on a swivel. They're constantly telling us, all right, it's time to be like your grandpa again. Start judging everybody by the way they look and act accordingly afterwards. It's a great time to be alive.

[B]

Oh great, it's all in the family again, huh?

[A]

Kinda tell me how this, this world's gotten more lovey dovey and more accepting with the whole let your freak flag fly. I haven't. So I don't know nobody. Wrong person, everybody. We're all fighting. I remember back in the 70s and 80s, we were proud, you know, we had our differences, but it wasn't like this where everybody's screaming and yelling at each other about trans this, gay that, black this, white that, cop this, ice that we didn't do it. We're mad about stuff. We're always mad about something. But that whole system broke free of, like, don't judge anyone. Don't look at people. If they want to be that way, they can be. If they're acting crazy, you let them. Not anymore. One day in the Middle east and suddenly you drive by a mosque with one eye open, eyeballing them like you got a man. They're in there, and you're allowed to now. And it doesn't mean you hate them. It just means you're going to survive because you're. You're not. I'm not going to judge anyone like I am. I'm in the airport. Oh, black. This is where we can actually unite black, white, Mexicans, everything else. Looking around at that one poor bastard who's got a religion he chose that makes him dress crazy like a beekeeper. And he's got to wander through the airport now. I feel sorry for him, but all eyes are on him.

[C]

Walking through last night, didn't notice that.

[A]

You know what you were looking for. Had you seen it?

[C]

Best behavior.

[A]

Had you seen blended? Oh, yeah. No, no, no. I'm taking that dress off. I'm walking around in a suit. I might go to, like, the DSW sale that they got going on for this war, and I might buy some American clothes. Just wander around going, hello. No more screaming that ALU Lock bar nonsense. Unless you're going to blow something up. And if you hear those words, duck. If they don't blow anything up, consider yourself lucky. Climb out from under whatever table you got when you heard it and move on. You hear any wacky music from instruments you don't understand, go the other way. That's not me talking. That's the government and the news. And I love it. Judge away, gang. Judge away the safer world. And we all act like the things in our heads are okay to feel. It's funny they say that. Don't judge anybody. Everybody's allowed to think and do whatever they want. Well, then I don't like the look of this guy. Is something you should accept. Now accept that we don't like that.

[C]

Don't judge anything. But do you know this guy?

[A]

Yeah. Who's that over there? I don't want to be. Who? Who are you talking about? That guy over there. Well, you gotta be more descriptive. The brown guy in the towel. Oh, yeah. No, he's good. He's all right. He stands there every day screaming about, should we be concerned? Nah, of course we should be concerned. He's screaming, al Akbar usually ends poorly for us. Yeah, this one was great. This, this. I saw this too. And I did laugh the reporter that said, who do you think is going to be the next leader of Iran? And Trump says, I don't know. They're all dead. God damn it. We have basically a president with Asperger's and Tourette's at the same time. He's got no social skills whatsoever. And he says whatever he's thinking. This one says, I like seeing videos of the death Dorito, the B52 bomber, flying around blowing stuff up. Everybody likes that. Everybody likes that. You got to sit through an ad for it. If there's an ad for it, that means it's beloved, that means it's selling. Now, the word for 6am Speaking of, for the Metallica up in the sphere is enter. E N T E R. Enter like Sandman, Enter. And you can enter your first word at the app [e-mail]. Yeah,

[C]

yeah.

[A]

And it's not just whites. It's no longer fun to assume the best of people. And you see a group of like, you know, radical. You see that guy that blew up that thing over there in Austin? His shirt said closing time, Property of Allah. Anybody wearing a Property of Allah shirt right now? No.

[B]

Good luck.

[A]

No. I had the coolest shirt I've ever had when we were making friends with Russia for a little while. And remember, they were kind of fun.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And they were.

[C]

Hell, yeah.

[A]

They weren't such dicks. And they turned into dicks again. It was a good 15 year period when, like, Russia and I, we're friends again. We had our eye on him, but we didn't. And then Putin came back and everything sucked. And then I had this shirt that was Yvonne Drago from Rocky 4, and it just said Drago. And it was the Russian red with the. With the. Well, the Soviet Union red, like the flag with that golden. And it said Drago. And it had the hammer and the sickle on it. I mean, it's not even a place anymore. And. And then they went and I attacked that Ukraine. And I wore that to work once, not thinking. And two QAnon people who worked here almost killed me. They were furious that I was a supporter of the Russians. I'm like, no, no, no, it's a bondrago. I'm a supporter of the Rocky franchise. I didn't realize what I was doing here. It wasn't a political statement. So I can't wear that shirt anymore because I'm Smart. If you're walking around with a property. If you have a property of a LA sweatshirt that goes in the back. Now we're not. No, no,

[C]

no. What is the. On the way home from the airport, going by the. A mountain. There's that C with a star in it.

[A]

No, I don't know. I'm seeing.

[B]

I haven't seen that.

[C]

And I was on it.

[A]

Oh, it's the crescent moon. Yeah.

[C]

That's why. I don't know what. But it did kind of look like that. And I'm like, oh, is it a

[A]

high holiday right now Or Ramadan maybe? That's why decorate a mountain for Ramadan?

[C]

Well it was.

[A]

See that's kind of crap we're against. That's kind of garbage. Now that we can say see something. Say something. I don't need that up there. I don't need that. No, I don't like that. They do that for when they put the. The. That teenager that the Lord stuffed a baby in and they have Jesus things up then we don't need that either. That's a mountain. It doesn't. It's not.

[C]

Well, if that's up there, I do want that cradle lit up in neon.

[A]

I don't. I don't care for the 13 year old mom who woke up pregnant and had some story to tell. You don't err up there. You don't need the Ramidan. You don't need. Your M.O. wants to be religious. I see something. Say something. Report that Brady. That sounds weird. And it'll be great on the phone too. 91 1. Hi, my name's Brady. I want to report a some sort of weird muzzy behavior on top of a mountain. Go ahead. Yeah, I got. There's like a capital C and a star looks. I don't know. It's fishy. I think they're going to blow up the stadium.

[C]

Except for the Cubbies.

[A]

I was looking around. I don't know. It has nothing to do with Luke Bryan. So it's not the extra innings festival. What the hell is that? I'll tell you what. That would have made me nervous if I was over there at that extra innings festival for they had that weekend. I don't know if you noticed that there's all country music this week. So they did a very special.

[C]

Must have ended early.

[A]

It was a very special weekend for special needs people. They could all gather at Tempe Town Lake.

[B]

Oz for Dale was last week.

[A]

That's right. Yeah. Well he was trying to find it. So we had to leave Thursday. But yeah, a bunch of special needs people gathered at Tempe Town Lake in some sort of festival for them and they got to listen to rudimentary music played by equally stupid people. It's called country music for those of you who are normal and don't dabble with the nonsense. But if there was a I'm surprised that they didn't just destroy that because that's one step behind them. If there's some sort of weird Middle Eastern symbol on the mountain, Luke Bryan I'm surprised he didn't just create an army of 75 IQ'd people to go storm that.

[C]

Maybe they waited until after was over.

[B]

I thought that stood for Coors Banquet myself.

[C]

That's why I left it up there.

[A]

I thought for sure that was a gold jacket. Well, now it would have been like, hey y', all, there's something Ramadani going on on our mountain. And they'd gone, we should go get it. And then they all were like ra. And they turned to find the mountain and they all got lost and they all walked into the lake and it was terrible.

[D]

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[A]

It's John Holmberg here from the morning sickness and I'm absolutely thrilled to tell you about my [e-mail] you've heard me mention Kevin Costner, Trey McBride, other countless celebrities and pro athletes and how they chose lifted trucks. But that doesn't mean it's only and pro athletes. It's for all of you, Everybody who loves a cool adventure. So if you're a huge celebrity like me or just an average Joe who wants the best truck available, head on over to Lifted Trucks. They live up to being the number one custom truck dealer for over 30 years. 10,000 five star reviews can't be wrong. Liftedtrucks.com work hard, play hard, drive harder. Holmberg's morning sickness. It's a great thing, man. It's a great thing that went on this weekend. I, again, like wars. I don't like blowing stuff up, but for Christ's sake, I do love when the mixed message of we need love and peace and no judgment and all this other stuff. When. When it comes down to being serious, we put on our judgment floaties and we get back in the pool

[C]

because

[A]

we all do it now. You can't get fired for it anymore, so, you know, go nuts. You see that one dude at work that's a little bit off, and he starts blabbing away about how much he, like, he's a big fan of the Palestinians and he's mad about everything, and he's, oh, boy, it's time to report, Raja. That's what I like.

[C]

And when you hear from the UK and Germany and France, like, okay, let us know if you.

[A]

Yeah, there needs some backup. They didn't say anything.

[C]

If you could go back to negotiating that right, we'd like to see that, rather.

[A]

Well, they said all the right things, but again, they say that it's the bully with cancer. Deep down, we're all kind of a little bit like, all right, you kind of went rogue on this one. But I'm not against the target. Pain in my ass. 53 years old. I remember when I was in first grade, they stole all those people, the embassy and they. For 440 days, they had 79. Oh, it's terrible.

[B]

Carter was in.

[A]

Carter. It was terrible. And every day I was scared to death. You try that on for size. There are only three channels, and all three of them are showing that Ayatollah Khomeini guy back in 70. And I was 6. And bad dreams about that dude. He was a. He was a. He looked like a bad guy from a movie. And all black, that big, weird beard. I didn't understand that. So I immediately was introduced to Iran with scary Darth Vader type figures. And they never stopped being dicks the whole time. They've never once been like, man, Iran's cool about that. Never. I don't like war, but in this particular case,

[B]

I don't.

[A]

I look, there was kind of a wry smile on my face when they said 48 of their leaders died. I'm like, that's a stats. I was giggling. That's a pretty good hit.

[B]

Didn't Saudi Arabia even start bombing them, too?

[A]

They threw one at Saudi Arabia. Like, what are you thinking? Even Iran's like. Or a Saudi Arabia's like, Iran is dicks. The crown prince dicks.

[C]

They love the luxury hotel in Dubai, got popped.

[A]

Yeah, a beautiful hotel. Saudi Arabia took a couple of punches. Iran just got mad at everybody because they're dick.

[B]

Just started throwing stuff out there as

[A]

bad as the Middle east is. And we can say that now Iran's the drunk uncle of it. They're having a party over there that no, but none of us want to go to, but Iran is the one that even. They're like, oh, Iran's here. Great. This is going to end in bloodshed.

[C]

Well, it's been hanging over for years that, like, I mean, if they would ever get the nuclear technology, whatever. Oh, no doubt they're going to.

[A]

But.

[C]

But that's. That's what we're.

[A]

There's where the DSW. DSW Shoe Warehouse is for. For 47 years. I've also heard they're a week or two away from a nuclear bomb.

[C]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

We've been looking for a reason to kick them in the pills. And we did it. And it lets us be normal again because for a little while at least, we'll all have a common enemy. Sorry, Iranians, there's not a lot of you. You guys are going to have to assimilate a little bit. You can't go wander on screaming at how great Iran is right now. And God forbid you walked up and down streets with that flag saying, please stop it, it's not going to go over very well.

[C]

We're gonna get a surge of more families from Iran coming over here trying to get out.

[A]

They're the good ones.

[C]

Sales of Z28s are going to go iroxy.

[A]

Yep, yep. Speakers being sold out of cars and stuff like, that's gonna be amazing. Real estate agents that get good deals because they yell at everybody along the way if they want to come over here. All right, but you can't come over here and start screaming about how you want it. To be you're leaving for a reason. This one said Trump told the reporter, made me laugh. He said, reporter said, when do you think the bombing will stop? And he said, whenever we feel like it. These are not the patent like statements we were expecting from our leader, but

[B]

it's like one of us being in

[A]

charge when I get around, whenever I'm done. And then somebody asked him yesterday, he said, well, what about, like, you're wasting a lot of our rebuilt military on this. Just lobbing. So we've got so much ammunition all over the world. We're stockpiled everywhere.

[C]

Well, they threw that out there. We heard there might be an ammunition short.

[A]

There's not. No, we got it everywhere. We've been jamming it into every country that'll let us. Trust me, we're good. And then they kept showing that clip of him a couple years ago and saying something about Iran. And they showed the Kamala Harris thing. When the guy in 60 minutes said, what do you say to Iran if they decide to go after the nuclear thing and commodities goes down? He goes, so that's your one word answer to them down or what? Just down. And then they showed the clip of Trump. What are you gonna do? I will bomb the out of them. Like, Jesus Christ, where are we? Brought to you by DSW Shoe Warehouse. So Mugsy jeans. And Mugsy jeans, that was the one, too. Because I didn't even hit skip ad. I'm like, what's the deal? Because these are great jeans. Before I see bombs hitting Tel Aviv, I need to know if this is a 50% off. I'm buying a bunch.

[B]

It's 20% off right now.

[A]

Is it 20? Okay. I would have hit skip ad for that. Although that's still a good deal if you're getting. I have plenty. But for 50% off, I'd pile on 20% off. I'm like, I got enough of those. I probably have 15 pairs of those. That's the best jeans I've ever bugs these. Oh, they're great. They're great. And they're not. They're just great jeans. Trust me.

[B]

Spend 200 bucks, get a free hat.

[A]

Yeah, there you go. I have a hat. I actually have a mugsy hat. I already got it. I'll wear. I'll wear it tomorrow. I actually have. It makes my eyes pop. It's blue. Have a greenish blue pool, blue eyes. When I wear that hat. Beautiful. I like it anyway. Head on a swivel, everybody. I love the deeper meaning of that. I love the subtext to Head on a swivel. Start judging people again. It's okay to be racist for a minute. We're telling you. Go ahead, cnn. We're the first ones doing it too. We just have to keep our eyes open now as Americans. Oh, I'm of all people, look around and judge everything. You see a freak. Ooh, run. Some dude in a dress walking around. Yeah.

[C]

Yikes.

[A]

You know how many guns you can hide under a dress?

[C]

Makes you think about going into big crowds again?

[A]

No, I'm not crazy, but. But if I do go into a big crowd, I'm gonna look around for the one dude because the new set dress. Oh, there's a guy in a dress. I mean, everybody, keep your eyes on that weirdo. And I am sorry. You gotta. Now's the time we have to all assimilate to act normal around each other. It's great. Yes. The only ones. This guy says, hey, Chancellor. Now see, this is. I wasn't going on either side. The only one upset are the lib cucks. With tds, you only need look at the many celebrations of Iranians all over the world. It was a good day. Oh, yeah. You know, it depends on what news you were watching. There were celebrations, and the other news would tell you it was terrible. I don't care so much about that, but I. I sure did like the. The powers that be starting to tell everybody. You know, it's probably a good idea to look at weirdos as weirdos again. Not just not. Not make me feel bad for seeing a weirdo and say, that guy's a little off. How dare you. No, no, no, no. We're at the. Huh. We're past that. That's over now. I see a weirdo walking into the PETA jungle. I'm like, hey, Dougie, grab your stuff. We're getting out of here. Why? Like that. That phrase is back. Grandpa's phrase of I don't like the looks of this character. And then you just leave places. It's phenomenal. A better way to live free. We all do it. We reacted. We were. We're faking it. That's why there's so much, I think, tension in the world is because we all fake it. We're not allowed to go. Jesus, that guy's nuts. Now Brett and I can go to lunch and do that.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Look around and go, look at this guy. Should we leave? Like, we're always looking at the next dude. And we do to the PETA jungle to see if we should leave. And sometimes I'm excited About it. Like, we should go. That guy's. I don't like the looks of this at all. And it's not just, you know, one group. I steer clear of those intersections where you got those people with the sandwich boards with pictures of Jesus all bloodied up, screaming through a bullhorn at me about how I got to save myself. I'm like, I don't trust you either. Although they are not. They're very rarely do they bomb stuff. One of those people is going to be unhinged one of these days. I dodged them walk through a big

[C]

crew on the way to the Annex Festival right across the street.

[A]

Oh, they drive you bananas. And, hey, Jesus freaks with the thing. Don't you think God would have wanted you to spread his message on a better sound system than a bullhorn? I can't understand a thing you're saying.

[C]

Enjoy the music. You're going to hell.

[A]

Shut up.

[B]

If I wanted to hear that, I'd listen to Dead and Bloated, the beginning

[A]

of the STP song. Shut up. You're ruining the intersection. How are you doing this? You're wrecking it. You're making an intersection. The worst part of my day is just supposed. The light's supposed to change and I'm supposed to follow the rules and walk to the thing and not. You were wrecking my day. Has this ever worked? Has anyone? God, I'd love to hear the rest of your message. Well, I think I want to be a.

[B]

You.

[A]

You swayed me. Yeah, you did. I can't believe it, but it worked.

[C]

Got five today.

[A]

They've never recruited a single person. Not one bullhorn. Jesus. Great band name.

[C]

If someone's staying, like, you know what? I'm not going to this. I'm not going to stay in here.

[A]

I'm gonna skip the sun's game, guys. Why? I don't know. That dude got me. And whatever he's saying seems like I should follow it. I'm gonna skip the Suns game tonight. I know, I know. It's Oklahoma City. I probably shouldn't, but this guy makes a lot of sense. Never. I want to see your numbers. So, Todd, did you get anybody? You don't have to use the bolt. Put it down, Todd. No. No recruits today, boss. Yes, We're. Oh, forever. What are we doing wrong?

[B]

Wonder if the guy with the cross on wheels is still out there on Mill Avenue. He's gotta be 60 or be Jesus.

[A]

Except gonna make it a little more convenient than Jesus. I got wheels. You're dragging that cross around. Turn him. He put Fake blood on his.

[C]

They just re up.

[A]

Another guy takes the cross, he passes it down. Yeah, that's nice. That's a nice thing. Jesus forfeited a weekend for you people. He gave up a full weekend and then came back. You want to follow me? He did only four foot a weekend. When he puts it that way, that's kind of the he died for your sins. But it was really just a three day weekend. And then he came back and he knew it. So it doesn't really. Anyway, those people drive me nuts too. Either way, judge away, folks. Judge away. But again, don't go crazy. Just know that your inner bigot's allowed to breathe right now. Just a little. And he's gonna keep you safe. Your inner bigot is a jerk, but he's gonna keep you safe. It's that voice in your head that goes, check on that guy over there. And then the nice party goes, now calm down. That's probably a very nice person. Maybe they're just confused. Your inner bigot goes, that dude is mentally ill across the street. We should listen to the inner bigot. And sometimes you do, sometimes you don't. But now you don't have to talk him out of anything. Now he's inner bigot's taking the lead for a little bit. Oh, so great to hear on ktar, they did a whole segment on my drive in this morning of like, should we listen to our inner bigot right now? And the guy on the phone's like, oh, God, yes, absolutely. The inner bigot is so right right now. It's an amazing time for the inner bigot. And it's a human feature. It's called sink or swim. Just to recognize danger around the corner. And right now, be on a heightened alert for anything you don't like. All of them too. It doesn't even matter. White, black, Mexican. We can all unite over the fact that weirdos need to be pointed out and removed. What should you do if you see someone? Oh, just dodge them or call the police. Like, oh, this is Run, run. Scream. Point, point at them and say, that guy. I love it. And I want to do that to every. I'm gonna. You know what I might do? I might call the police just on son's games. Walking across the street over there to the. The bullhorn. Jesus, people. Get them all wrangled up. You got a permit for this? You're driving me crazy. Permit for the Lord. Yeah, why don't you go take that somewhere else?

[C]

Here's the sax. Play this.

[A]

That guy can stay all he wants. Especially that single note sax guy who never learned any. Any of the. He just single note songs all the way through and plays over a tape on your way to Diamondbacks games. That dude's fantastic. He's got the musical backing of, you know, my Sharia Moore and just.

[C]

He plays Earth, Wind and Fire.

[A]

Oh, he's got them all. But he plays the Stevie Wonder lyric part just one note at a time. Like that guy doesn't even try to rehear. You want money for that? I think I could learn that in an hour.

[B]

He hasn't got a song down or anything.

[A]

He's got all of them down, but it's just single notes. He doesn't do any cool sack stuff,

[B]

so he's not playing like this.

[A]

That brother did Men at Work. I'd stick around. I might. You mind if I sing this? Go crazy man crack. I sing away. Why do you know this? I do not know. Could it be knocking at my door? But if I started singing, it would take his job away because he just. He toodles the lyric line.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I would stand there, dance around calling, hey, this thing Stay away. And then they start handing me money. I'm like, nope, Give it to the dude with the sacks. Are we a band right now? We sure are. Honk that thing blow, big man. If they broke out who can it be? He broke out the who can it be Now?

[B]

Give him five bucks next time you see him and see if he can bust it up.

[A]

You know. Who can it be Now? By what kind of crack of nonsense are you talking like some men at work? You don't know men at work? What, you're a sack player. That's one you should know, not no sax player. I play individual notes.

[C]

What's your name, man? Clarence. Of course it is.

[A]

Of course it's Clarence. I shouldn't even ask. I'm insane for saying that. All right, Clarence. I might just walk up to him. All right, Clarence. Let's do a little man at Work. How'd you know my name? My inner bigot knows everything. Clarence, You regret that mayhem tattoo on your stomach, don't you? It didn't work out. I thought I'd be the first rapping sax player. Nobody wants that. Who can it be now? Oh, that's the best.

[C]

He knocked it out a couple months ago. That meant at work.

[A]

Colin. Hey. Oh, you can still go. There you go. Look at this.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Standing up there, outside of ballpark. Give that man a dollar.

[B]

Bullhorn.

[A]

Jesus. Put that down. Get over here. Give this man a Dollar. You say all God's creatures deserve something. Give him a buck. That is a good sax solo, too. This is the sax solo. It feels like they learned it yesterday. Not very elaborate, you know.

[C]

Power note.

[A]

I'm all in on that. I'm just so happy. It almost feels like the ravens lost and we stuffed butt plugs up all the Iranian leaders over the weekend. Hopefully they won't stay a thorn in our side, but history is my guide. That Middle east is gonna still suck no matter what we do. It's been pretty consistently crappy there for thousands of years.

[C]

Some military historians have said, you know, we haven't won any wars really, just lobbing missiles.

[A]

Isn't it funny though, that that area of the world, we don't trust pretty much anything they say or do. As far as like, ugh, they always screw it up. They're nothing but miserable. And yet everybody's religion is based from that. If it started today, they'd be like, oh, don't listen to those people. They're driving us all nuts. They've not gotten one thing right through thousands and thousands of years of existence, and yet they're the cradle of civilization. And Asia never pipes up. How are you the cradle of civilization? We had language and art and architecture and everything else. When the whole biblical times were going on, nobody, nobody paid attention to us. We were much more advanced. Asians just sat back, sewing, looking over, going, you know, in a few weeks we can start making crosses for them and sell them at a discount. They're going to eat those up. They just started manufacturing, make the kids work anyway. Here's a paper crane. Yeah, they're making paper cranes. And then like, what do you guys like? It's like, we got billions of people over here. We can, we can make whatever you want and we'll do it for a third of the cost. The rugs, crosses, everything made in China.

[B]

More Air Jordans.

[A]

They probably were making Air Jordans back when the Bible people were like, this is where it's all beginning. And they're like, you out of your mind. We're kicking ass, taking names over here for a long time. Anyway, I love it. We're having a good day. Good weekend, everybody. Great job. And hopefully it goes quickly, you know, and hopefully the least amount of people are put in harm's way as possible. At least Americans. And again, judge away. Heading over to the attic for a burger today. Home burger still at the attic.

[C]

Nice.

[A]

Still tasty. If you head on over there, somebody weird comes in, point at them, have the removed the news said so. It's okay. Let's get a wake up song, shall we? Although who Can It Be now is pretty solid.

[B]

I think so.

[A]

Five at five ninety. Overkill. That's got a sack solo. That's. Oh, do you have Overkill ready? Oh, this is a good. And again, I don't think the sax player played sacks. I think they're just like, can you the. The straws? Can you play sex? Kind of pick it up, follow along. Oh, this one. This one gets me. That's a great song. Yep. And possibly the complications. This cargo. No, this cargo. I worry over situation. All right. Sorry.

[B]

Is that Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Jive or something?

[A]

Yeah, that's right. Oh, be good, Johnny. And that was on the first one. Was that on. I don't know. I don't know. Albums.

[B]

I'm not a men at work connoisseur.

[A]

But you are.

[B]

The first two albums, I'm like, all right.

[A]

You're kind of like the Matt Penfield of men at work. Give us that wake up song. 5, 8, 5, 9, 800. The 6 o' clock word again is enter. Metallica starts rolling along again today. This is the last week. We'll have our big winner at the end of the week. Send you up to Sphere in Las Vegas to see the first two shows. Metallica puts on all the Way out in October. Put you up in a hotel room, give you $200 in fuel and fire and that which you desire. And all you gotta do is win this damn thing. Good luck to all of you and let's get that wake up song. We'll scream it together. It's 98 KUPD. Wake up.

[C]

Hey, it's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees.

[A]

I have heard enough of this. It's John Holmberg here for Life Changer Loans. Whether you're buying a home, trying to refinance or improve things financially, you got to focus on one thing. Clarity. You don't have to do it the old way. Life Change, your loans is here to help. Call my friend Shane o' Grady at Life Changer Loan and see if it's for you. Good credit, good with money. There is more than just the old fashioned bank loan. And if you want to see what's possible financially in your life that's different than what you're doing now. [e-mail] Life Changer Loan. It's not magic, it's just math. It's John Holmberg here from the morning Sickness to tell you about the Core Institute people who met me found out that I've had four major operations in the last four years. They're blown away. I've had both shoulders replaced and both hips replaced because I was an absolute disaster before my surgery. I was in pain. Now no one knows I've had any issues. People who hear multiple surgeries assume they'll never be the same again. It's just not true. I'm better than I've been in 20 years. Stop quitting the things you love and get back to being the pain free you you love. The Core Institute.comberg's Morning Sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in. J. Walker told me I had aids, thank you very much. Caught me watching Caddyshack there at the beginning of that. Sorry, but it worked out perfectly. Let's go while we're young. I was flipping through a clip and I had my. I was turned up. It's enter is the word we're looking for right now for the six o' clock hour. Seven o'. Clock. Got another one for you every hour. Give you another chance for you to enter our contest to head on up to Vegas and watch Metallica in fear. Got an email from a guy who said I tore his retina on Thursday night. He's going through the exact same thing I was going through. He's texting me right now and he goes, you're not kidding. It's face down for five days, like minimum, brother. And it's. It's still not gone. I've got this bubble in my eye. Oh, and guess what, dummy did this guy. You get two drops, a pink top bottle and a brown top bottle. And the brown top is antibiotics and the pink top is a prednilisone. And so, you know, you do one a day or one four times a day. You do it one drop from each one four times a day, the first week. Then you get rid of the antibiotic. And then. And then it's just the pred. From there on. Well, I got my bottle caps on the wrong ones, switched them. I swapped them. You give a blind man drops. Because I got this thing in my eye. So I started having headaches and all this weird stuff. I'm like, man, what's going on? Don't. I can't let this get bad again. I looked at the. And I went. And kind of magnifying glass, like, what is. What am I doing? I'm like, oh, man. I've been skipping the good meds for a week and dropping more antibiotics in my eyes. I don't need. Cause for some reason I put the caps on the wrong thing. It's a good thing I didn't throw them out either because I should have been like, I don't want to do this anymore. I threw out the. I would have thrown out the wrong one. Good news is, all is good, but it's still really annoying. And that gas bubble is down to its last little. It's like a rogue contact now just floating around my eye and it, and it magnifies everything. And every light is glare and doing

[B]

acid or something, getting tracers and stuff, tons of that.

[A]

And then there's floaties because their eyes have been injured. And ugh, I thought there was a bat in the house. Floaty went by.

[C]

Get the brew.

[A]

Huge. I'm swinging at him and I'm like, ah. But you know, again, for anybody out there who's not taking advantage of Dr. J. Schwartz complimentary consultation. Do it just for, just for the sake of making sure everything's healthy. Me and this dude Ryan who emailed in. Trust us. It's common too. That's the worst part. This guy says after watching the. Oh, I was, I was with this guy. I was binge watching that war show that CNN's putting on this weekend. It's good. Have you seen it? No. Oh yeah. It's non stop. It's just 24 hour coverage. It's a great show. You can't, you can't really lose track of anything either because they repeat a lot of like they go back and do a lot of exposition. So if you miss an hour, don't worry about it. This war thing is there and every. There's commercials and like turn on tonight

[B]

and catch right up.

[A]

Oh yeah, you shouldn't have any trouble catching up.

[C]

Perfect.

[A]

Perfect. Yeah. If you need anything, text me. I'll give you the basics. But this war thing they've put on. And you know what's funny? There's a lot of competing shows too. Fox has one going on right now. It's not called war, it's called awesome. And they're super. And they're. And they're running this war thing too. And then MSNBC says, oh God, the world's so sad. Emotions and women is what it's called. And they do the same exact coverage, but it's from the point of view of an emotional woman and it's very hard to watch. Watch. That one's a tough one. But if you're going to watch any of them Binge watch the CNN one. Because it's both a little bit rah rah and a little bit. We're sad and emotional about this, and it's kind of. It pulls you both directions. But I was binge watching that, too. And this guy says, hey, I was binge watching the war. Anything with advertising to me is not real. There's a lot of that going on. Why don't we just ask BB Net and Yahoo where the hell Nancy Guthrie is? These guys seem to be able to find anyone. Sure, they might bomb her, but at least we'll know where she was. That's a great. We found the ayatollah in a hiding spot. And 48 of his friends killed them all. We can't find Nancy Guthrie in Tussaud.

[C]

How'd they get that gathering to happen?

[A]

They weren't in one place that wasn't like, oh, no, it wasn't like a tabletop of 48.

[C]

When they listed the 48, I'm like,

[A]

wow, that was all a bunch of. Not all 48. I mean, a couple of dudes were, like, having Hamas together. What do they eat? I don't know what it is. Isn't that a delicious snack? Hummus. Is that what they eat? No, they're responsible for hummus. That's right. And they're eating some sort of goat meat and stuff. Brady would eat it. That's a dump he goes into now and again. A lot of K's and H's next to each other in their meals.

[C]

Hello, Meats.

[A]

They didn't get them all in one hit. They killed 47 dudes in, like, Independence, but they knew where all of them were. We can't find Nancy Guthrie. We're not looking that hard because it did not take them long to go. He's right there. I got 47 different addresses. And they're all right, by the way. We know where everybody is.

[C]

If Nancy Guthrie controlled some oil, we'd know exactly where she would.

[A]

If she was in, like. If Nancy Guthrie's thing in Tucson was to make sure the Straits of Hormuz were flowing, we'd know where she was. So true. I said, john, I liked your analogy of the Iran Moore being, like, a childhood bully. So there was this kid who tormented my younger sister and even my younger brother. He was an older, bigger kid. They were younger and smaller than me. I could never catch this kid, though. He was such a fast little prick. So he'd pick on his brother and sister, and the big brother would try to. But he couldn't Catch him Said. So I started taking them and picking them up from school because of this guy. And eventually we moved away. Fast forward to about 20 years ago. I follow my hometown's Facebook page. This dude was walking on railroad tracks, something I myself used to do in my youth all the time, except for he was coming home from a bar and he got unalived by a train, knocked him down just like in Standby Me. And I sent the link to my sister and all I got back was a smiley face. We all kind of like when our personal Iran finally eats it. Tormenting for years, ending non stop. Yeah. Highly recommend. There's not a lot to binge. Right. There's a couple of good shows. Shrinking is good, you can get on that. But this, this new thing they put out over the weekend called called War. Unimaginably entertaining. You got to put up a lot of ads because it's, it's the time when the news really enjoys and they're gonna, you know, their ad dollar. You're paying extra right now for Fox and cnn because there's a lot of eyes on the news. They love it. CNN couldn't. I don't even know how they did this. They flew all their, their stars. They're all in Tel Aviv now and they don't send makeup people. So that Erin Burnett, who's not attractive to begin with, is standing on a balcony with no makeup. And that's not something she should be doing ever. Bold. And she's telling everybody how scary Israel is and how bad it is right now. And what'd you fly there for? It's not that scary. This is for entertainment purposes only.

[B]

She's scaring them out.

[A]

That's a pretty good picture of her. You should see her on there. Now Anderson's gonna be there and they're all, they all get a room. Like, how do you even check into a hotel right now and be like, hi, we're going up and gonna stand on one of your balconies and film rockets? Well, welcome. Welcome to Israel. Very appreciative of you coming here, filming the rockets that are killing our people. Yeah, we care about you, but first we care about getting the shot.

[C]

I need my pseudo military vest.

[A]

Oh, yeah, gotta have that point of wine journalist vest. Well, they put that on because it says media and you're not allowed to shoot. That's against some sort of convention.

[B]

Oh, yeah, I'm sure they stick with that rule.

[A]

They do. Well, you notice they're never really down in the middle.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

They're always up On a pretty nice balcony. I mean, whatever hotel CNN's got its star staying in in the daytime, if there weren't bombs, it's a hell of a view. This is not like a $40 night room.

[B]

It's not the El Cortez in Vegas.

[A]

It's for using Israeli Express. You get the upgrade, you get the balcony. It's very nice. You have beautiful shots of rockets and the ocean. Well, I definitely want to do some time on the beach when I have a day off. I'm only working six of seven days.

[C]

Do you think they put the banner on the hotels like super bowl teams? CNN on this one.

[A]

Msnbc, home of coverage. Rockets killing our people. From cnn. Welcome cnn. There you have free continental breakfast.

[B]

Well, not quite free.

[A]

Well, it is free for me, as you know. You know, going to pay a check. What is it? What do you think? It's bagels. Do you have English muffins? What are you. Why you fly here? You're a news person. You should know. Anyway, yeah, I was watching this thing and, man, the commercial breaks are long because they're selling the hell out of this thing. But it's great. I like what this guy's doing. I'm getting emails from this guy. I don't know who it is, but it says, well, I do know who it is. I'm gonna go with. I'm gonna run with this. I'm gonna play it in character. It says, dear John, the Jews. That's how it starts. It's time we said the awful part out loud. It's time to just eliminate Israel. A lot of people don't like to hear what I'm saying. And if they've got a problem with it, they can take it up with me. My name is deandre Ayton, center for the Los Angeles Lakers. I read that and I laughed for half an hour. And then about four emails later, it says, hey, John, what do you get when you cross a Mexican in a Polack? A chain link fence covered in graffiti. Oh, I'm racist. Well, I'm right here and my name is deandre Ayton of the Los Angeles Lakers. Guy's a Laker fan, doesn't like DeAndre, says, hey, John, you know what I've always said, and I'm not afraid to say it again, the only good Ayatollah is a dead one, and the only good Iranian is one drowning. Oh, are the pussies out there screaming at me? Well, let me tell you this. Holmberg didn't say it. It was me. Deandre Ayton of the Los Angeles Lakers.

[B]

He's been pretty busy today.

[A]

He was. Wow. I didn't know he listened, man. And I'm assuming this is the same guy. Says Holmberg. I've heard it all. I've heard all I need to hear from UTA Benga this morning. Deandre Ayton is driving me crazy. It's time we went back to the days of America being fantastic. Eliminate all blacks from sports. I want no more of this. You got a problem with that? My name is Michael Bidwell and I own the Arizona Cardinals. Take it up with me. I like this. Trying to get other people canceled through emails that I will gladly read on this radio station. I don't know if those are accurate or if those are actually the people they say they are. Don't take it up with me. Take it up with them. Fantastic loophole in that one. Love it. This one says, for mongering parasite news anchors from America, we've been having wet dreams since Friday. They can act like they don't like it, but they do. Every night since Iran bombing began, these people are secretly celebrating behind closed doors like it's 1999. It's disgusting. And so are they. Philip, you couldn't be more right. And I've said this for years, if there's a commercial break, it is for entertainment. That's all. Because they have to sell that to someone. If they cared about the information and they cared about anything else. The way news used to be, which was a losing endeavor for networks. They never made money on news. Back in the day. It was a losing area of NBC, CBS, and abc. They didn't make money. They weren't designed to make money. Then they made it networks, all based on that. And they started to sell DSW shoe ads. And that's when you realize we've got to be more. We got to be flashier than the other guy or we won't get the advertising guy. Everything you see on the news is for entertainment purposes first. That's why they stand on balconies with cameras and film rockets. That's why they like the explosions. That's why you've seen that drone fly into a building. And it's cool because we're nowhere near it. I didn't know drones were as big as that. You've seen the one that hits the building. Yeah, and it's a dude on a balcony filming it. Goes right over. And then that's why they want those. That footage means money to them. There's nothing to do with them caring about how this ends or lives of soldiers or us or anything else. They just added two units per hour.

[C]

I'm going to be there for a month.

[A]

Yeah. We were running probably every 44 minutes. We're running 16 minutes of commercials, but we can bump that to 18 or 19. We can get sponsors for this war. And they're doing it.

[C]

The news has two direct flights every

[A]

day, in and out.

[C]

No problem.

[A]

Yeah. No issues at all. You're not dealing with weather. I mean, who's flying into Tel Aviv right now? They did a thing about how two people were from Gilbert are stuck in Dubai.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

They're not letting him go.

[A]

News got there. We got news coming. Dudes like, who weren't there. He was there in Florida.

[B]

Made it all the way over there.

[A]

Yeah. Whoever the dude was down in Tucson who had couldn't pack his camera up enough, got a flight from Tucson to Miami to Dubai in like eight minutes. Meanwhile, there's a couple in Gilbert that have to hold up in the Fairmont because they can't get a flight out. The airport's not letting anybody go. But, boy, you can get Fox, cnn, and MSNBC over there in a lickety split. I'm sorry, Ms. Now. Ms. Now. Forgot the emotional one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The estrogen news. Yeah. I like to watch Ms. Now every once in a while to go wonder what the take lesbians have on this is. I wonder how the lesbian community feels about this war. I bet you they're mad because you know why they're always mad. You can't have a birthday party for a lesbian and she doesn't start yelling at you.

[C]

It's two topics. It's the war and the women's hockey.

[A]

Oh, yeah, they love that. And how they're mad about that, too. They're not mad that women. They're mad that the men celebrated and went to the White House and then. But they're. They're mad that the women's team didn't get invited to the White House that they would have go to. I heard watching Ms. Now. And they're like, can you believe that Donald Trump didn't even invite the woman's team? Well, they said they weren't going to go and they were going to make a big stink of it. Yeah, but they should have still invited him. I don't think you'd do that. I don't think. Brett.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Why Brett's screaming to me. I'm like, I don't know. One thing I know is in July, I'm never going to your birthday party. I'm like, oh, and my birthday party comes around, and Brett's like, why don't you invite me? And they wait. You can't be mad at both. You can't do that.

[B]

Typical broads.

[A]

That's. Lesbians are getting mad at a lot. Ms. Now is hilarious. They're angry at everything. They're angry at all of it. But, yeah, the gold medal guys were on Saturday Night Live this weekend, and then they brought the girls out and everybody went nuts.

[C]

Crazy.

[A]

They're like, I watched Megan Rapinoe. Have you seen her?

[C]

No. She got a new dude still around.

[A]

Yeah, she was on a podcast. It's very funny. And the lesbian news was real excited about it, and the other side was real mad about it. And I live somewhere in the middle where I was kind of like, she's making a point. But she's dressed like a mortal on. And she's got a little ski cap on. She looks like Martin Short when he played the elf in that Santa Claus movie. Was like. And she's like. To the men's hockey team, and she's trying to be like, point. I think she was on the Sue Bird show. I think they. They scissor. Like. Like, legally, officially. Yeah, that's her scissor part.

[C]

They're unioned.

[A]

Yeah, they've got rings on it. And so she sat down and she was talking on that podcast about. About how the men's hockey team. She goes, you win it, and it's amazing. And then you co opt all of it to this clown. And then she turns her little elfin head towards the camera with her ski cap, kind of like a reservoir tip of a condom, and looks at the camera and goes, you look like a clown. And I just started laughing, and I'm like, from the clown. You can't tell people how they look dressed like that. You look like the. The car cartoon drawing in the Radiohead video for okay, computer. You can't do that.

[C]

Sounded like a Sebastian Maniscalco delivery.

[A]

Like a clown going on with these people. She kind of did it that way. But it's funny because her outfit is exactly how you dress somebody. If you were, like, trying to make them look silly. And she turns right to the camera. You look like a clown. That's weird.

[C]

Find a picture of it, Brett.

[B]

I'm looking.

[A]

Oh, this guy just said, I found a letter was fired to me accidentally. I believe this was meant to go to the commissioner. It says, dear Commission, I've been thinking it's high time we address the elephant on the field. These black players with unnatural speed and strength. It's just not fair to the rest of us regular folks. Back in the good old days, football was a gentleman's game. Pasty white guys and leather helmets and tea between plays. The super athletes are ruining this. Let's ban them immediately. Sign Michael Bidwell. Yeah, I think. I think that actually is a misfire. I sure hope he doesn't get in trouble for that. Yeah, There's.

[B]

There's her.

[A]

Oh, look at her. She looks like a crazy person. Like, you wouldn't give that person money. She calls him clowns for having a phone call after they won the gold medal with President. You look like a clown. If you see how she's dressed when she says it, you're like, all right,

[B]

Megan Manis.

[A]

You look like a clown. We got company.

[B]

Can't unear that.

[A]

These people. You look like a clown. Anyway. And then last night. Boy, am I glad. Google this. Celsius drink. Supergirl Surf. I know you're going to have a lot of typing. Supergirl Surf Festival commercial. So last night, when I stopped binging war on CNN and Fox. Great show. I went over and I just flipping through the thing and it said it was like seven or eight at night, said Surfer Girl Surf Festival. And I'm like, oh, Supergirl. Sorry. Supergirl Surf Festival Festival. There you go. Like you knew I heard it the first. Shut the. Yeah, all right. There you. Now you're getting it right. That's. Come on. Supergirl Surf Festival. And then. And I flip over that Celsius. No, no, no. I'm telling the story here, chief. Don't jump ahead. Supergirl Surf Festival. And then in the middle of it, you know, they're showing these girls surfing. And I noticed two things. The girls that wear surf pants, like shorts. I don't know what good surfing is. And bad everything looked. As long as you don't fall off, it pretty much looks the same. Evidently have to rip these turns a little tighter. And then you get a thing called spray and you get a night. And so the. I guess you can be better than someone else. I have. I don't have the nuance. But in the middle, they run this commercial.

[B]

You want a commercial?

[A]

Yeah. Put the word commercial at the end of that and it's for Celsius. No. Oh, the girls in thongs. Better, better scores. If they wear a thong, what they're doing is. But I am so glad that this commercial first for Celsius didn't exist when I was a teenager, or I'd have dehydrated like spongebob on land. There is. I don't even think you're allowed to show some of the stuff that was in the spot. It's. It's got to be the top one. It's just a commercial. Nope.

[B]

Yeah, that's a 50.

[A]

No, it's. It's a. It's a minute long. Go up 50.

[B]

I'm at the top.

[A]

Oh, that's tough. And roll. Roll the thing. It's the. The spot is. I looked it up, so it's not. This shouldn't be this hard. Just. Just put Celsius commercial. Supergirl Surf Festival. I. I swear to God it is. If I was a teenager when this came out, every bit of my bodily fluids would have been drained out. And I. I'm. I feel so good that I didn't because I used. I found that. How are you struggling to find this?

[B]

I don't know. I'm on videos.

[A]

Don't see here, but I swear to you, there is a girl in a yellow thong that's snorkeling in this thing. It. It would have broke the pause button on my old vcr. It's unbelievable. If you can find the commercial, find it. Just. Brett can't. But it isn't this hard. I'll. If I can find it. I can't put it up on the screen, though.

[C]

Just.

[A]

It is so. Geez. Just put Celsius commercial in there. It's so incredibly hot. There you go. Boom. That might be it. Just click that. It might be the one. I swear to you, it's. It's. It's better than pornhub. You don't need a. That's not it. That's certainly not it. Although you can probably jerk off with that too.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

Either way, you'll find it. We don't need to see it. But it is unreal. So I'm. I'm not a surfer fan, but I don't know what. Because I don't know what it is to do to be good at it. But let me tell you, the girls in thong surfing, their scores were astronomically higher than the girls in shorts.

[C]

It comes down to picking the right wave.

[A]

No, it comes down to, are you on your period or not? Because the girls on their period have to wear the big bulky pants, and the ones who aren't have. Can wear the thongs and surf in them and they get. They're scoring better. It's just a fact. I watch. Watched seven of them. I thought the best one, if I was just going off Technique. I thought for sure the best one was this girl who had a pair of shorts down to her knees, and she's like, 5.5.4. And then a thong girl went up there, and I thought she stumbled a little, and she didn't. It didn't look as cool, but her ass was astronomical. Eights. Nine. She scored a 500. And I'm like, how is that a thing? These girls are. I mean, their bodies incredible. But the ones in shorts, yeah. They don't score as high. And the ones in songs just win. But, yeah, you got to watch the Celsius commercial. If you can find the Celsius commercial, It's. It'll. It'll. It kills you. I found it right away. Brett just put in. We gotta show Brady because he'll lose it. Celsius commercial surfing.

[B]

Oh, that's what I have.

[A]

Yeah, there it is. That's the one. The song will even bother you. Wait till you see the girl in the yellow song. Big screen. That. Brad, let's not screw around with this thumbnail. Oh, the arrows. There you go. Look at this. That. Did you see that? Oh, yeah. Her vagina shuttles. Oh, yeah.

[B]

Let's go back.

[A]

Yeah, and pause it right about. Wait, that one's hot, too. That's hot.

[C]

Here it comes.

[A]

Here we go. Right there. Oh, perfect.

[B]

Stop.

[A]

Look at that. Can you scoot it ahead just a touch? Look at that. That's not human. That. That's got to be an AI butt. Yeah. So I'm just sitting there, minding my own business. Look at that flipper. I'm telling you right now. Boy voice. I just realized that was a flipper. I thought it was a seal following her ass. That's a. Oh, my God. Look at that. You can't show that on tv. But they did during some sort of weird surf thing. But they didn't feel like watching the SAG Awards. I mean, there's labia in that shot. That cameraman nailed it. He needs an award, an addie. If I was 15, I didn't never come out of my room. No, not with that. Not with that on tv.

[B]

It's Brett Vesely from Homeburg's morning sickness. Want to let you guys know about my friends over at Divine Design Landscaping.

[A]

Let me guess.

[B]

You like your backyard? It's simple, it's natural, it's low maintenance. Low maintenance. It's full of rocks and regret. And that one plastic chair you swear is temporary. Well, it's been there since 2015. Look, I've seen what Divine Design Landscaping can do. And they can do everything from custom pavers to turf that actually looks real, not some 1980s AstroTurf. And they can handle the maintenance, too. So you can just sit back, relax, and enjoy that yard. Go to divinedesignlawncare.com to get a free estimate.

[D]

Ever start a project and realize you don't have the right tools? Don't let that slow you down. Fisher Tools has everything you need from Milwaukee and Nikita to dewalt and Bosch, plus safety gear and accessories to get

[A]

the job done right.

[D]

Stop by Fisher Traffic Tools in Tempe for big promotions on top brands, and start that project with the right tools at the right price. Visit fishertools.com for details. Fisher Tools, your project deserves the best tools, and so do you.

[A]

Fishertools.comberg's morning sickness. Oh, I was watching that last night, and I'm like, I. I went back and watched the commercial about 11 times. Didn't care about surfing.

[B]

Toss, type.

[A]

Oh, it. Pause and toss. All right, scooch it forward.

[C]

Just take a picture of that.

[A]

Scooch it up a little bit. Well, you got it on your computer, Brady. Look at it. And then it hurt. Oh, look a little more right before it cuts away. Look at it. It just gets better with each frame. Reminded me of being a teen boy and finding that Pepsi commercial with what turned out to be Selma Hayek. Or not Selma Hayek. What's her name? No, no, no, the other one. It was the girl from Modern Fan.

[B]

Sophia Viaga.

[A]

Yeah, Sophia Viagra.

[B]

Yeah, that's.

[A]

It was pretty awesome. Great stuff.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

Look at that. Yeah, just. Can you loop that for me? Just leave that on the screen all morning. There it is. Oh, Brett's making her bounce around. Oh, it's incredible. Cel Celsius commercial surfing. And then the girl in the white is spectacular. Look at that thing. And it's just girls drinking Celsius. And for the ladies, there's a lot of good looking dudes in it, too. And I know with the heated rivalry thing going as big as it is, Shakes dig Twinks in good shape. That's what this world's teaching me, ladies. Don't want anything.

[C]

Back to the bombing.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. And then I turned it back to war on cnn. War, cnn. We'll be right back. And I don't think there's much better in this world right now at all. And I don't know that they're any good. I'd never. I don't know that I would use them. But if you haven't seen the commercials for Jungle Law. You. Unbelievable how they're getting away with this one. It's phenomenal. Dude walks up to a lady at work. Sorry about it. We can't have sex anymore. My wife found out. But you. You said, I don't know about that. And he points to someone else and goes, fire her. Which means he had that conversation with people around. We can't be having sex anymore. My wife just found out about it. That's not fair. I don't care about that. Somebody fire her. And he walked away. And then they're like, jungle Law. That's amazing. I don't know that I would use them. Because they didn't even get good actors for the thing. They just wanted their premise out there.

[B]

Here's a new one, too.

[A]

Which one is.

[C]

There's a Tarzan one.

[A]

One. I've seen that, too. Harassed at work. Hashtag me too. We've recovered millions for our clients. You know, if you get this done. And by the way, I saw you looking at me. Don't touch me. Smack your ass. This is for you. What? It's a termination letter for turning him down. You're not alone in the fight. And then some lady in Chris Hemsworth puts Tarzan for my clients. He's a lawyer now.

[C]

They do one with him.

[A]

Jungle Law is the best, cuz their commercials are terrible. Brother walks up and goes, I saw you looking at me. Smacks her fat ass and then fires her for saying no.

[C]

The other one massages his shoulder.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, I like that. But I love the one where the old man just says, you're fired. There. Massaging her shoulder. Shoulders. Smelling her like Joe Biden dude in a hard hat taking her back. Oh. A lady from Jungle Law comes and lights it up on fire. I know they're not paying for these, but I don't know if you're any good at law, but I sure do like the idea of it. You know what I like about it is that they spent no money on the acting at all.

[C]

Injured in a car.

[A]

And. And actually, the production's horrible. Don't let the insurance company monk you. And you know what else? There's Tarzan. There's the guy from the. He shows up and he's like a romance novel cover.

[B]

The Cato Kalin.

[A]

Yeah, Just showing up out of nowhere. They hired someone. They got a parrot and a monkey. They paid for that. But they won't ever pay enough money to get Jungala. They're not putting any cash into these spots. These are $40 commercials. I love. Saul Goodman had better commercials. The lawman. I want that sexy Fabio lawyer. Sometimes to screw up. Mike, I'm. You're going to jail, I think, if you use them. But, oh, the me too thing had me rolling. I love it. And again, everything's for entertainment, so don't take anything too seriously, especially if you've got one half of Sig Freed and Roy representing you and your me too case.

[B]

Wow, these are terrible.

[A]

That's what I told Brett on Friday. The law tigers were in here and I'm like, wouldn't it be great if they went out and found an albino lawyer? One of the albino law tigers, like the very rare albino law tiger, and eventually he eats a magician. That would be great. Anyway. Oh, jeez, it's way past seven. Sorry. Seven o'. Clock. Trujillo. That's the seven o' clock word. Good luck with that. Trujillo. It's got a J in it. Trujillo. Trujillo. True, Jillo. Yeah, Trujillo. That's what you put in there at the 7 o' clock block. Sorry about that. I missed you for 10 minutes. You got less time, but you'll get to it. You'll be just fine. Don't you worry. That's all right. We'll get there. Oh, no, man. I'm getting a lot of stuff now from Phil or Michael Bidwell and Deandre Ayton, I think.

[B]

They were up this early.

[A]

They get up early, especially DeAndre. That's what Michael. One of his emails said. It can't really be Deandre Ayton. Those people don't wake up for any job in the morning. Signed Michael Bidwell. My God, his emails are incredibly offensive. Anyway, this guy says the breakfast special if you fly to Tel Aviv right now is the intercontinental Ballistic Breakfast. And that. Oh, yeah, that's nice. It's been a nice. Yeah, it's a fun one. Now, I don't want to get too wrapped up in people being sad and stuff like that, but have you seen this one? One. What's this?

[B]

It's Trump live in concert.

[A]

Oh, Jesus. Now what's he doing? Is he singing? Bomb Iran. We just bombed Iran. Dropped hell fire on their head. Hold my trigger. Now they're dead, My girl. You know what this reminds me of? Perfect Strike had just begun. Got a good voice, Clean cabernet. God, we would. Oh, my God, this reminds me of 80s morning zoos. Wacky song about the enemy. But that was back before we had all this acceptance and stuff that didn't work. And we all laughed at it. There weren't people screaming, mad when you did bomb, bomb. I ran. Even Pratt, that prick had that drop it on Gaddafi thing. And it was terrible and uncreative and everybody in the city's like, yeah, we all hate that. We all hated the same people back in the day. And it seemed to be uniting. Nobody was a Gaddafi supporter. No one. And Reagan decided to throw a couple of missiles at Libya. We were like, yeah, all of us, like, none of us now we're all like, man, everybody's mad. I like the olden days when we could do songs like that. And everybody like, that's hilarious. We're all screwed up. And you know what else got screwed up? My algorithm. And I have to say thanks to my friend Colin Boyd. He was messing around on the Instagram yesterday and sent. I sent him a video of an old lady sing. And then he sent me a video of some weird prostitute thing. And then the algorithm's like, these dudes, like the old lady prostitutes. It got confused and then started to just send like, old ladies.

[B]

Scrub your computer.

[C]

Potential candidates?

[A]

No, there's a 71 year old woman who's on there and one of her, One of her. Like, it had her. Her dating thing on there. 71, you know, she looked good. She had abs, which was weird for 71. Like they had to be doctored in. Great. Nice pretty silver hair, good shape, but 71 nonetheless. And then it said special skills and it said, back door is always open. Made me picture that 71 year old lady who likes it. And then I just thought, well, maybe she's looping. Pulled the back door because it's probably some sort of weird port for her colostomy bag. And that's technically her back door. Now the doctors, he had me at port. Well, they. Oh, yeah, when you Can I bang your port is like the worst phrase. But 70 year olds have to talk about that all the time.

[B]

Oh, man. Now we're getting all the. All the commercials from lawyers and stuff.

[A]

Oh, yeah, some of them, like the lowrider lawyers. I haven't seen that one. There's a lot of weird stuff that goes. That's why you got to stay legit. That's why our gang at Learner and Row are so good. Their spots are just, you know, Learner and Row standing there telling you, you

[C]

got any problems, you need to get paid.

[A]

Not played. Dude just did it on his phone. Best and sound. Let's go. He put a T shirt on and did it on us. How hard is it to be a lawyer. I thought it used to be tough. You could just put a T shirt on and on your phone to a spot.

[C]

Yeah, on inst.

[A]

But he at least called the folks from war and got the rights to the.

[C]

Maybe not.

[A]

Maybe not. Maybe not. Cease and desist on maybe.

[B]

Maybe you get. You get the card. You know, like if you're a little rider lawyer wars.

[C]

Like.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

His uncle was probably.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

Sure. He was a morocca player. You can do it home. I give you my blessing. My uncle Theo said I could use it. So proud of you, Esquire. I've not seen that one. That's not. If I was running a tv. Well, of course they're. They have no standards either. But I would say that's not airworthy because it's. You can hear the wind blowing. Lee.

[C]

Oscar said I could do it.

[A]

He said I could do it. Theo said I could do it. I was in war. He was a driver. He drove war from place to place. The lowrider. Anyway, just. I thought it was a fun weekend. It was fun. There's no sports, so, I mean, I watched the NFL combine as much as I could between episodes of War and Big Line.

[C]

Was it like Jenny Junker Gunner?

[A]

I don't know. I don't know.

[C]

Ran a 5.19.

[A]

It's pretty good. A couple of linemen were sub fives. Yeah, a couple of linemen were. Were like four, nine. That's. Those offensive linemen can move. People say they're lumbering. Nuh. They're six tenths of a second away from the fastest guy to ever do it. Then a few of them are running sixes, but they're 400 pounds. I can't run a 640. Rich Eisen tries it. He's like six and a half, seven seconds and he's, you know, average Joe. These dudes are motoring. And then of course, Cardinal news. It is expected today or sometime this week at the very least that they will finally release Kyler Murray. He's going to get released and it's still going to cost the cardinals like 20 something million dollars to get rid of them. I don't know the exact number, but they're. They're going to cut ties with them now and draft, trade.

[C]

You know, where do you go?

[A]

There's the rub. They go with Jacoby again.

[C]

Again.

[A]

There's no way I would buy a ticket to a game if we went into the season with Jacobe Brissette as the starter. I mean, my Steelers have Aaron Rodgers, but at least that's something. And I'll hear it from him because you guys, I get it. Your fandom will start to wash this a little bit and you'll say stupid stuff like, you know, he played pretty well.

[C]

Look at his numbers last year.

[A]

I see one huge number last year. Year three. That's how many wins you had.

[B]

Well, weren't they talking about Garoppolo coming here?

[A]

And they can do that too. That's Malik Willis. Malik Willis going to cost a fortune and he's going to get to pick where he goes. It's not like Malik again, the Cardinals are delusional. We'll just go get Malik Willis. Malik's going to get offers and if the Cardinals are throwing money at him and you know, Steelers, somebody else, there's a bunch of teams that will be like potentially in that market. I don't think the Steelers will do it. But he's looking at the Cardinals as the last place he wants to go to get his career back.

[B]

Even Kaepernick's like, I don't know about that.

[A]

I'd love to play in the NFL, but I'm telling you, we'll love to play in the NFL. I don't play for the Cardinals. So they're going to cut him this week and we'll see where he ends up to thrive. I mean the Jet and the Cardinals are like, we're going to try to get Malik Willis. And Malik Willis is like, yeah, go ahead, try all you want.

[B]

I'll take the Jets. Actually, if it's one of the two,

[A]

you're the little engine that won't because he's got. He can go to Miami for God's sakes. The Dolphins will want him. At the very least you get to go down to South Beach. That's a terrible franchise too, but it's better than the Cardinals and Jets.

[C]

Who ends up over here?

[A]

Two of might come here. That's the thing they're talking about. It's like this basically be a swap of cut players as one left handed guy for. I mean it's not. TUA is not the guy you want. This one says Joe Burrow for the Cardinals have.

[B]

He ain't coming here.

[C]

He.

[A]

He's already complained he doesn't want to lose in Cincinnati and they're not losing as badly as this play. Winston, you're insane. Joe Burrow is going to be a Steeler in the next two years. Count on it. He's going to pull full Carson Palmer, which I absolutely love. Your dream is to Play in the NFL. It's your dream since you were a little boy. And then you're playing in it, and you look around and go, I'm in Cincinnati. Then you go talk to your boss and go, I'm going to quit, or you need to trade me. I don't want to quit football. I want to quit being here. And they're like, no, okay. Then I quit. Then they had to trade him because he didn't want to be there.

[B]

Well, we could trade you to the Cardinals.

[A]

Never mind. I'm. That was how bad it is in Cincinnati. They said the Cardinals. Okay, at least they're Scottsdale. Yeah, but nowadays, still rather be a Cardinal than a bungle.

[B]

I don't know about that.

[A]

You gotta dress. I don't know about that. I do. I do. You couldn't dress me up like a 1970s rug in a pimp's house and consider that a good thing and then have to live in Cincinnati on top of it. No, no.

[D]

Remember Carson Palmer went to the Raiders?

[A]

Oh, that's right. He was a Raider. First he went to another horrible organization

[D]

and then to this horrible.

[C]

And he got it right.

[A]

He did some dancing, but. But the crux of the story was, I'm not asking to play for somebody great, just not you anymore, because I can't dress like this anymore and take myself seriously. Have you seen our uniforms? We look like a pimp's girlfriend's apartment rug. It's awful. We look like a cat lady's house. And to top it off, when I take that thing off, when I leave, I realize I'm living in Cincinnati, which is nobody's goal. Your dream in life, Brad. Imagine you want to be the greatest baseball player ever and to go to Cincinnati to do it. Sorry, Brady. Ohio sucks. No.

[C]

On the plane ride home, just sitting there, and a guy walks down the aisle. Aisle. Pretty big dude. And he's looks at me, and I have the military bangles thing on. So the bees there, he's like, go, Bills.

[A]

Good for you. And what he was basically saying is, I'm gay. Meet you in the bathroom. So how was it?

[C]

Real good.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, just Donovan's, right? He's like, probably gonna get rid of Kyler. And the next thing you know, they'll be all excited that Tim Tebow came out of retirement and became the Cardinals quarterback. Which would be funny. I'd laugh for hours at that. We'll see. Bert, what do you got on the big board of Musical treats this glorious Monday?

[B]

All right.

[C]

Wake up.

[A]

Song brought to you by.

[C]

I don't.

[A]

Come on, Bert, it's in your book. I know what it's in. What's a good deal? What's.

[C]

This is over with.

[B]

Gonna.

[A]

It's in your book. It's modern resolution windows and doors. And you use the name Holmberg when you call the gang at Modern resolution windows and Doors and they'll go, you know what? You just knocked 500 bucks off whatever we do here. On top of the fact that right now it's 30 off all windows and doors. My front door broke. I didn't know that was a thing. Not my main front. I got two front doors. It happens with six. I don't know what that means. Front door, I got a few back doors. Not like that 71 year old broad with that port. But I've got, yeah, I've got like an entryway into a second part of the house. But the thing broke like, I don't know why, but it's a door into the game room. And then as, as you open it, you kind of, you pop up the handle and it'll lock down into the ground. It broke like the whole door is broken. And I had a guy look at it, he goes, yeah, there's internal mechanisms. Get to door. Internal mechanisms. You get this thing's done. I go, some modern resolution windows and doors. Hooking me up there. And then I got a window situation that they looked at. And I said, I want to change this. Oh, the plan is going to be solid. And I mentioned John Holmberg when I did it.

[B]

You mentioned you?

[A]

Yeah, I said, buy the buyer, gave him my id And I'm like, how much off for this? There's a lot more than mentioning me. And they said, no, it's still only 500. Moved you. I'm like, what? That's what they said. Well, that's what I heard. And then, and then I said, he said, you get a problem with me? And I'm like, well, I didn't like that. And he goes, take it up with my boss. I'm like, what is your name? And he said, deandre Ayton of the Los Angeles Lakers. I'm like, ah, immediately filed a complaint. No, they're great. Modern resolution windows and doors. They're locally owned, family run, great people. And they're hooking you up right now. 30% off all windows and doors. And all you got to do is say my name for 500 bucks off that, my friends is getting done. Brett, what do you got?

[B]

You knew that these were going to be going. So the Gap Band. You dropped a bomb on me.

[C]

War.

[B]

Bring back the bomb man at work. It's a mistake for that video with the whole War War ensemble from Slayer, Clash, Rock the Kasbah, Bombshell from Power Map 5000. Boom from Pod, hail the Apocalypse, Avatar. Mouth for War for Trump, Pantera, Click Click Boom from Saliva, Vince Vance, Bomb Bomb Iran, and of course, Men at Work, Overkill and who Can It Be

[A]

now that was just for fun. Got a lot of good bombing songs on there. Mouth for War is always solid.

[B]

All right.

[A]

I like Mouth for Sounds Good. A little Pantera. That's a solid wake up song.

[B]

To top it all, somebody needs to do AI Trump singing that.

[A]

No, they don't. But they will. They don't, but they will. Yeah, they, they, they. You're absolutely right that they should, but they won't. This guy says, I think Brady should be praying. Praying for war. And get those goddamn Iranians out of his old restaurant. Signed deandre Ayton of the Los Angeles Lakers. Then you can safely walk in and order food instead of deal with all those drones they're assembling. Oh, we got one. Yeah. Hey guys. Tough weekend, huh? Wasn't an easy weekend. Brady, what can we get get you some more goat. What are you building back there? Is that like a kitchen contraption? Was that a griddle? It is a drone. I should say something cuz I see something, it be the last thing you say. This used to be my playground. I like Porkopolis when it wasn't full of you people. You got a problem with that? My name is deandre Ayton of the Los Angeles like used to be the place I made pork. Brady's got to go into that Iranian hive of yellow cake uranium enrichment that used to be his. Porkopolis

[C]

could go there today.

[A]

Are you going to go get some goat?

[C]

I feel like goat.

[A]

Hey, Brady, come on in. We got your goat. Yeah, yeah, I get it. Anyway, come on in. I make you a special meal. Ready? I like your goat. Your goat meets tops to me. I'm gonna Yelp it. Yelp it. Five star. Five star goat review. Yeah, Brady's old Porkopolis. One thing I say about your Porkopolis when. And that's got to make you feel bad that a place that replaced you isn't closed and their feature is goat. Missed the boat over here. Hammy should have served more goat. Porkopolis would still be here if you'd

[C]

only listen to me.

[A]

Has the goat house outlived Porkopolis's reign?

[C]

No.

[A]

Okay, How Many years until they pass you. Because that is a day.

[C]

Yeah, I think they have maybe five more years.

[A]

They've only been open for two years. You were gone three years. Is that it? What was in there for the year? That can't be. You shut her down in, like, 20, 19.

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

When they opened up, I think there was, okay, six.

[C]

Six years.

[A]

And you only were open two more years. And the goat house passes. Porkopolis. What a tragedy.

[B]

Smoked goat chops.

[A]

Smoke goat for the win. Brady's food was good. Goat. You can't open a goat. You can't. You can't open an Iranian goat shop and pass up a delicious American barbecue. What were you doing that was so wrong that goat wins. You weren't funded by Hamas. That's why we got our funding. Don't have to word like the wnba. No matter how bad business is, we. We will not go away. Goat. You never see one of those places that's shaped like a Pizza Hut. Serving goat. Lasting longer. That's painful. Anyway. Well, what's it called again? You don't know?

[C]

Bar Ronnie.

[A]

Bar Ronnie. That word. That's fine. Goat. One of the. It doesn't say chicken or steak either. Just says goat Appetite. Goat Other. There it is, Man. A couple more years and it's gonna be a better business model than my American barbecue Shop. Ow. How did this happen? You do not have goat on your menu. The people clamor for goat. Do they? They do. Trujillo is the word for our contest to send you to Vegas. Disappear to the sphere. October 1st. October 3rd. Oh, my. You get involved in that thing, we'll send you up there, put you in a hotel, give you 200 bucks for fuel, and you go to Sphere to watch Metallica's first two shows. And they're independent of each other. Each different set list gonna be awesome. Awesome. Trujillo. That's the word you're looking for right there. This here is for all you warmonger weirdos. It's Pantera for that new show on CNN. It's Mouth for War. 98 KUPD post.

[C]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fee.

[A]

I have heard enough of this. Hey, it's Larry McFeely here with my friend Wayne from AMCO. Wayne, it's tax time. You filed and your refunds burning a

[C]

hole in your pocket.

[A]

That's right, Larry. Before you book a trip or buy something shiny, please remember your car. Tax time's the best time. Take care of all the car repairs you've been putting off. Sure, because nothing kills a tax refund buzz faster than a surprise car breakdown. I'll say. If your car's been acting up, now's the time to handle it. Should we wait for our refund before getting repairs? No way. Amco payment plans let you get repairs now and pay when you get your check. Google Amco for your nearest location. That's Amco double A MCO transmissions and a whole lot more. Hey everybody.

[B]

It's John Holmberg and Brett Vesely from the Morning sickness. And if you love great sound in

[A]

your vehicle like we do, you gotta check out Quality Car stereo.

[B]

These guys are local right here in Mesa and they have some of the greatest sounding equip equipment in the business.

[A]

We're not talking about just louder. We're talking about cleaner, rich or real concert quality sound. Go see them in Mesa or check them out online. QualityCarsterioAz.com Quality Car Stereo. When you want your ride to sound as good as it looks, trust us,

[B]

you'll hear the difference immediately.

[A]

Go to the website right now. Quality car stereo az.comberg's Morning Sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. Here's another word. No, this is good. This is easy. Trujillo was tough for some people. They were. It's not working. And then they'd send me their tru h like no G. Fuel is the word for 8:00am Fuel. Four letters probably. Okay, well, there's gonna be some repeats. Let's not. There's a lot, lot of words to. I don't know. I think Larry had to come up with all these on his own. So he just sat and stared at metallic albums and one word at a time.

[B]

John Gordon. Do it.

[A]

I bet you Gordon had something to do with this. But fuel is the word for 8am Put it in the app. Go to the app there. 98KUPD or 98KUPD.com go to our our website and do that as well. Well, put it in the 8 o' clock box.

[B]

Can you spell Trujillo?

[A]

No. It's over. Just Google it, dude. I mean, well, I know, but like

[B]

this came in at like 7:30. Just Google it.

[A]

No. Can you spell trio? Yes. The answer is yes, I can. Can you? That's the game. Can you spell Truo? You live in Arizona. Open a phone book. Go to T. There's 14 pages of them. By the way, before we get on with anything, Brady and I were talking about this off there. Have you seen Alex Jones's most recent. This is pretty good stuff. He. He's got a new conspiracy that I'm all in on.

[C]

Where are the men in this country?

[A]

Where are this world? What the hell have we become? And he goes, well, it's happened. Here we go. And I'm like, oh, this will be good. And he looks a little distraught. He's not bright red. So this one's not bothering him that way much. I just found out from a very credible source. I mean, this is real stuff. That Turning Point USA CEO Eric Kirk is pregnant. And I'm like, oh, geez, that. And I'm in my brain. I'm like, oh, boy. And here's the worst part of it all. Evidently Candace Owens, who used to be friends with Charlie Kirk, but then they became sort of enemies. And the reason why is because Candace Owens is Big Mike, too, and got Erica Kirk pregnant. And I'm like, oh, my God, I didn't see that at all. He should have written for soap operas. Nothing about this guy is like, that's. That is a creative story. I have it on good authority. Candace Owens, yes, she is a man. Big Mike talked her into this. Big Mike, too. Now Candace Owens has put a baby in Erica Kirk. I talked about this before Charlie got shot, that he was worried that his wife and the male version of Candace Owens were having sex. And it's, of course, month after he was to going on, they continued their nonsense. And then she's impregnated. Now they're going to have a mocha child. The best part is, is that Alex Jones did this. He's like, I got to get it out. He's sitting at like a panda express in the parking. Like, no, I got to do it now. I can't. This news can't wait. I've got to break it before someone else will. Don't worry about it. Nobody else knows about this but you. And that'll come out now, and you'll see in a few years, you'll see that I was 100 right about this. It makes me sad because she was cheating on Charlie. And now we know. Brady, there's absolutely no way that. That.

[C]

What can we do about it?

[A]

Well, what we can do about it is solve the mystery. We get the Scooby Doo Mystery Machine, and we find out who really shot Charlie. Because right now I think it might be that Erica and Candace were in on it together to save their mocha baby. So mark my words, right now, Erica Kirk is considering maybe having an abortion, which she's very Very vehemently against outwardly, but inside she cannot have a transgender ladies mocha baby. Just can't happen.

[C]

Well, that blend, that might be a frog baby.

[A]

Might be one of those gay frogs now. That's because the chemtrails. Brady, you're not wrong. Because whatever you say, I might believe, no matter how far fetched it is, I might report it.

[C]

Enjoy the orange chicken.

[A]

Well, yeah, I gotta go in there and get my. That's good stuff. I love the Panda Express. You know what? That. You know what pisses me off about the panda? The big controversy. It's not real panda meat. Which they promised with the name Panda Express. Delicious panda at a reasonable price. That isn't real. I don't just. But you know what? You can't pass up the orange chicken no matter how much they lie. I don't care if it's. They tell you right there the title. I mean, between that and Tom Hanks eating babies, that orange chicken is panda meat. And the Chinese spread Covid through it. And New Covet's coming. New Cove.

[C]

It's like new Coke July 6th.

[A]

And then Covid original recipe comes back six months later. We all remember how much we like that. Yeah. So he lost his mind and I giggled for 20 minutes because I thought to myself, this. This guy, what if he's right? Your brain does that now. What if he's right? Even pushing that trans agenda the whole time. Wouldn't it make more sense that Charlie Kirk found out that his wife was having sexual relations with a. A dick? Having Candace Owens and then they make babies because that's. They weren't using protection. That's against God. But then again, so is having a dick and dressing like a woman. It's very confusing. I just know that it makes me sad. Good. Wait, there's a line inside. I'll just wait till that dissipates. But in the meantime, listen to this. You don't like it. You don't like what I'm saying. My name is deandre Ayton. Los Angeles Lakers. Take it up with me. Also before we get into this other stuff. And as the. The my inner Alex Jones is starting to grow and fertilize itself and become more of who I am thinking my future is going to be. What in the is going on in the Jim Carrey world? Have you been watching that?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

At first I thought, oh, you people. But then they started to break down this Jim Carrey thing at this French award show clone. And he's got different colored eyes and his nose is different. And at first I thought Jim Carrey's winning this because I, I assumed he was doing an Andy Kaufman thing because he became Andy Kaufman and got weird after that. A movie he did. But as I watched it, I'm like, they got him. And then I'm like, oh my God, that's my inner Alex Jones saying those words. They got him. They got him. And now he's just a mouthpiece. They've put the real one down in two. A basement of the for he won't see the problem is he has to worship Moloch in the cult, but he won't do it. So they put him away in the basement. Where celebrities go when they don't behave and they get replaced. Just like what happened to Kelly Osborne and that one, I believe. And also what happened to Ariana Grande and that lady she's in Wicked with. Jim Carrey's been warning us for years that they were going to try to take him. And now that have. And then Demi Moore.

[C]

Look at that.

[A]

That's not. It might be Bill Maher. I don't know that that's Jim Carrey.

[D]

Bill Maher, Val Kilmer.

[A]

Yeah, very Val Kilmer. But again, he could have gone with

[C]

some color contacts, you know.

[A]

Why?

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

He's never done it before.

[B]

That's Maverick. Val Kilmer right there.

[A]

Yeah, it was exactly. It was the cant. And then I started to worry maybe Jim Carrey said it looks like he's on the prednisone. That makes your face moon faced, like you've got a kidney disorder. No offense Brady, but that happens.

[D]

That nose.

[A]

But the nose is a different shape and maybe it's bad fillers, but you can't imagine Jim Carrey who was the elastic faced comedian would ever freeze his face. What? What's going on, Brady? Where's the mask and why is the mask guy in a mask looks like John Jay? It does. He looks like John Jay. He looks like John Jay. And nobody tries to look like John Jay. You lose a battle and they make you look like John Jay. It's a punishment.

[D]

This is your face on fillers.

[A]

This is your face on John Jay, but it's not your face on fillers. Don't change your eye color. That's true at all.

[D]

And nobody gets add that much to your nose.

[A]

Nobody gets fillers in their nose, trust me.

[C]

Is that the only photo that they have?

[A]

The old one on the left?

[C]

You mean those two side by side? I'm sure there's.

[A]

Well, that's A. That's a.

[C]

Did they have the award?

[A]

Well, that's a clip from the red carpet after he got the award, where he was. But this is a guy who used to go on award shows and say it's all fake and there's child trafficking and all this stuff. And then all of a sudden he's like, praising. It's something. Right.

[D]

You'll question that as AI, but not

[C]

the videos that you share with us.

[A]

Who, me?

[C]

No, I wasn't questioning. I was just wondering if that was. No, they got other stuff. Other.

[A]

Jess. Jesse says, man, I didn't hear him. John, Alex Jones has been more right than wrong lately. So I'm going to wait this out nine months and see if a mocha baby pops out of Erica. If it does. If that happens. And we have to start taking Alex Jones seriously, like, real seriously. Donovan says, I don't care. Dick or not, I'd watch Erica Kirk and Candace Owens get it on. That's a different topic. Of course we'd watch that. An Instagram influencer said he was cosplaying Jim. I've heard that, too. And that here he is explaining it. Apparently, that to me, well, that's AI. This is. This isn't. This is him pretending to be Jim Carrey in person. Now, here's the fun thing about this, that he can cosplay it all day long, but that would make Jim Carrey the one pulling the trick, because, you know, I wrote it and I researched it and I. But he's holding the award. So Jim Carrey basically did what Andy Kaufman used to do was create a fake version of himself to wander and pretend to be there receiving their award. And I was like, I like him, but. And I made mistakes, and I was like a novice. It's crazy. It's so weird. If you haven't been following the fake Jim Carrey thing, it's more fun than anything else that's going on in the world. Believe it or not, that's just how it is. The girl from Oz, the wicked, the black lady, they got her. They got Kelly Osborne. And Kelly Osborne has to stop telling people to lay off, to back off, because I'm going through. They're trying to help. Yeah. Then stop showing up at this stuff all dolled up. I don't know what's going on with Kelly Osborne, but I know it's not good.

[B]

It's terrible.

[A]

Yeah, it's. Consider it. Consider it helpful that people are saying to you, hey, we're worried. You have to say something. It's the same when Lizzo would get mad or say, you're too fat, you're going to die of diabetes. Stop body shaming me. So we're not. We're actually trying to help. Help you where? If people who care about you will tell you this, this is something you need to hear. Same on the other side. Kelly's. I don't know if it's Ozempic or what, but looking like a corpse isn't sexy to me. More last night walking into that. They don't call it SAG awards anymore.

[C]

Actors.

[A]

Yeah, the actors were the picture of her going in and she just did a movie about how body image morphing is dangerous and it turns you into a monster. And I saw her last night and her bones are showing, her jaw and her. It's terrifying. I don't know when this happened, but people are now saying it's a confirmed imposter. But is it confirmed?

[D]

Well, the imposter came out and said it was him and they have video of him signing with, signing autographs with his right hand. Jim Carrey's left handed.

[A]

He broke down all this other stuff. Is he in like. Jim Carrey's in on it. Has to be right? So the Internet was right. It is fake. And Jim Carrey's pulled one over on you, which was my first thought. Like if that's not him, he's in on it. But something else is going on too. They're. They're getting you the Illuminati. Anyway, I believe it all.

[C]

Will they take the award back?

[A]

The French?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

They won't surrender. Don't worry about it. They're coming in hot. No, they're going to give him the award.

[C]

Go.

[A]

Yeah, he got us. Good one, Jim Carrey, you prick. Never. Note to self, never give Jim Carrey another award again. He's like, yeah. Anyway, Fuel is the 8 o' clock word. It's time now for Brady to give you all the other news that isn't driving me nuts. And it's brought to you by our [e-mail] it's hot. 91 degrees today. It was hot all weekend. Sitting in the shade was a great thing. If you don't have any in your house. Well, you can change all that by going to allprochade.com and getting the gang who's been doing this for 20 plus years at your place to design a beautiful shady outdoor living space which will make your house a little bit better. They make it look good, like it's supposed to be there. Not like it's just haphazardly tossed together like, you know, Tom Hanks from Castaway built your shade system. They do a good one all prochade.com that's where you go. Brady reported.

[C]

Good Monday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello, world.

[A]

Hey, Brady.

[C]

Happy National Old Stuff Day. Basically, get clean out your closet, your garage declutter, and get rid of that old stuff.

[A]

Oh, Spring cleaning day.

[C]

It's almost spring cleaning.

[A]

Oh, I mean, like.

[C]

And it's also vagina.

[A]

What?

[B]

What?

[C]

National Read Across America Day.

[A]

Yeah, I'll just do it here.

[D]

Another thing in, like, school, like, grade school.

[A]

Read Across America, the book day where you got. Yeah. You had to sit.

[D]

Scholastic Books had to wait for your

[A]

order to come in. That was the. I got an angry email because in sixth grade, and my. I had. Honestly, my teacher's name was Mr. Rogers. He was awesome, but that was his name. So it was, you know, first couple months was pretty fun. But on book, like, read books. They tried to read as many as you could in a school day. And you were allowed to build forts and stuff in the classroom, so you could put desks together and. And you go in and you'd read a book as fast as you could. And you try to get, like, five or six. And the smart kids took it seriously. And us dummies just dicked around in forts. And I got into a fort with a girl named Amber and a girl named Sharla. All right. Yeah. And Amber was joking. And then Charlotte, I rolled over, and Sharla and I touched mouths, open mouths. There was no tongue because I don't think we were smart enough to know that. And I laid on top of her in the fort for a second and touched open mouths with her like we were sharing a sandwich and then laughed. And then that was kind of sort of a kiss, but it wasn't. And I remember telling that story. And then I got an email, like, two days later because I used her last name. And she goes, I don't know who the you are. But that never happened. Yes, it did. You went to Roosevelt Elementary School. I was like, I don't know you. Like, that doesn't mean it didn't happen. A lot of people don't. I just happen to have a memory for sixth grade. My whole class. I remember everybody. I remember Stephanie had her period right next to me in a pair of white shorts. I didn't know what periods were, but I know after that you'll learn that one when the girl next to you bursts into tears out of nowhere. And looks down and then she's bleeding out her butt.

[C]

You got ketchup?

[A]

No, I didn't say ketchup. I knew she. I thought she'd been bitten, like, by a snake or something. The Renaissance Festival is back. Weekends now through March 29th. Be ready to have a great time. Amazing adventure awaits the entire family. New shows, shopping, jousting, nights, non stop feasting. Leave your cares behind. Happiness reigns at the Renaissance Festival. It's fun and affordable. Visit now through March 29th. Discount tickets available at Bash's and Food City or online at arizona.renfestinfo.com Presented by Delta Airlines, Bashers, Food City, Pepsi, Budweiser and Guinness. Huzzah. Holmberg's morning sickness. Guess we had a kid in the class named Raji too, so there's a good chance his lunchbox had a.

[C]

Had a cobra in it.

[A]

Cobra in it or vipers, something. She got hit. Viper strike. Oh, that's a shame. Right in the. So she emailed me an angry email, and I said, you were on the aquatics team. I know you. How do you know all this? Because I was there. We touched mouths. My husband heard that, and I'm like, we were in sixth grade. Is he mad at this? Back and forth. We went for a little bit.

[C]

Got a couple of baseless fun folks.

[A]

Facts.

[C]

All government buildings in Finland have a sauna on site. Nationwide, there is more than one sauna for every two fins.

[A]

Wait, say it again.

[C]

One sauna for every two people in Finland.

[A]

Oh. Oh, Finns. I was trying to think something else. The finish.

[C]

Baby sea otters can't. Can't swim right away. So their moms wrap them in pieces of chicken kelp until they learn how to paddle around on their own.

[A]

Oh, and then eat. They crack shells on their bellies.

[C]

Maybe you know this one. The sum of all the numbers on a roulette wheel add up to.

[A]

Oh, I don't know that.

[C]

660.

[A]

Oh, I didn't know that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, wow. Yeah. Brady. It's all. It's all part of a plan. It's all. All of it. The Kabbalah. It's all right in front of you. They try to. They try to tell you. Pizza parties. Come on, count how many times they bring up pizza. That basically is code for child molestation. It's in the Epstein files.

[C]

John Cazale, who is Fredo Corleone, only appeared in five movies from when his career started in 1967 until he died at the age of 42 in 1978. All five were nominated for the Oscar for Best Picture. Picture.

[B]

I can name four. I can't name the fifth.

[C]

The Godfather.

[B]

Both Godfathers. The Deer Hunter, Dog Day Afternoon. I can't remember the last one.

[A]

Yeah. What's five?

[C]

The Conversation.

[B]

Not enough Italians in that one for me.

[A]

No, I don't got the other ones.

[C]

Either.

[A]

Is the conversation. The conversation's not. That's my Dinner with Andre. What's the conversation? Conversation.

[C]

Don't know.

[A]

I don't either.

[C]

Data shows that men are mostly responsible for talk, taking the trash out, and car maintenance. 33% of men say they enjoy taking out the trash.

[A]

What a low bar you've set for entertainment. You know, I really enjoy this. I wish there was more trash to take out. I, I, I, I. I guess if there were more trash, I wouldn't enjoy it as much. I look forward to it. I love when a bag is full. You know why? Because he hates you, lady. And he just wants out of the house, even if it's for a few seconds.

[C]

46% of the men say they like doing the yard work.

[A]

I used to, until I realized how stupid it was. You put turf down and you're like, oh, oh, this is the way to go.

[C]

The new viral dating term is Alpine divorce.

[A]

Horse. Okay?

[C]

That's where you go out with your

[A]

significant other, shove them down a ski run.

[C]

You go hiking or bike on a trail, and you break up with them on the trail and leave them.

[A]

Oh, my God. Wait, you take them into the rugged, deep woods and you.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Leave them for dead.

[C]

Yep. You go out, date in nature, take a hike, camping, camping trip, bike ride,

[A]

and you leave them in the woods. Woods.

[C]

Then one abandons the other in the wilderness to fend for themselves.

[A]

Why? Why can't you just say this isn't working out in the car?

[B]

Hilarious.

[C]

Ain't like the Alpine divorce.

[A]

I mean, it is. Yeah.

[B]

Come on.

[A]

At least you're making. Well, you know what? I want it to be memorable.

[B]

Right. Like I'll always remember.

[A]

You know why, Brett? Because women want a proposal to be memorable, and men want the divorce to be memorable.

[C]

Right.

[A]

So it's kind of our day. Don't ruin this. This is our day.

[B]

That's brilliant.

[A]

You take her out, you put cups on the freeway over ramp. I want a divorce. Yeah, you make it like a proposal, only the op. You're proposing something that will last forever. Divorce. Unless it's Brett's parents, which they couldn't get it right three times.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Divorce. Married again. Divorce. Marry and divorce live together.

[B]

It happens.

[C]

Apparently, there's a wellness trend going around that involves seasoning your kids. This lady.

[A]

Yep.

[C]

Is saying she. She calls it halo therapy. It's a form of alternative medicine involving salt. There's no real science backing it up, but that won't stop her from doing her own research.

[A]

Fat people in America are now making their kids smell like roasted chickens from Safeway.

[C]

She puts up the video, she salts, pours salt all over the tile floor. And the kids play in the salt. They don't ingest it. It's just a salt therapy. It's like in some of those spas, they'll have those salt rooms. Rooms where they.

[A]

Yeah, you don't roll around on the floor, though, there.

[C]

Yeah, I know. So she takes it to the next level. Whether, since they're playing in it, they'll be, you know, inhaling.

[A]

I don't think it's about getting inhale. I think it's on their skin. So, yeah, it tastes better when salt's kind of boring. When the Clintons show up and they need baby meat because they eat humans. That's probably what you're doing.

[B]

Some of them fatty's gonna pour ranch dressing all over the floor, too.

[A]

Well, rubs and stuff.

[C]

Interesting. You mentioned that.

[B]

Oh, no.

[C]

The great wolf Lodge just rolled out the ranch milkshake.

[A]

Oh, it's coming true, gang. I told you.

[C]

It's ice cream with some ranch. And then they put some fried chicken in there. Fried chicken nuggets and carrots and celery.

[B]

Sounds terrible. Oh, you gonna try it?

[A]

Oh, he'll try it. He's like Mikey. Right? Right.

[B]

Now let's go for lunch. Go for lunch.

[A]

You would try that? You went to a goat restaurant. I'll do the goat if you. You're not going to go out of your way, but if somebody offered you a ranch milkshake, you'd try it. You'd try it ruins a milkshake. It is a milkshake. Dairy. What's the difference? You try. You would. You wouldn't know until you tried it. You would suck that thing down halfway before. You'd be like, I don't like it.

[B]

One more try.

[A]

You know what? I guarantee, here's my prediction. When Brady does try that, even if he doesn't like it, you're gonna hear this noise. Well, I drank all of it, but I didn't like it. But they say it takes three to get a full like, test, so gotta

[C]

go back, line them up. Police in Georgia had to make a. Had to warn parents that the cut water lemon drop martini is not apple juice. Evidently a parent packed the kids lunch and grabbed the can. Thought it was the apple juice.

[B]

Oops.

[C]

And the cut water martini. School and the lunch.

[A]

He gave him a cup water and a bucket. Buzzball.

[C]

That's awesome.

[A]

That's pretty. There's a picture of the great work by the way. I just got a text from somebody that says the seasoning kids things make sense now. Last year I spent a weekend smelling like Doritos cool ranch rub and I didn't know what was happening. Now I do. Signed Caitlyn. Oh, no. Brady took that girl, poured cool ranch dressing in her bed, made a roll in it.

[B]

That's a nice packed lunch.

[A]

Where are you and Kirby and Caitlin going this summer? If we make plans yet, we haven't decided it. Well, Caitlyn makes no decisions. Where are you taking them is the better question.

[C]

We might go on a carnival cruise.

[A]

I'm going to pick strawberries and

[C]

yes.

[A]

And yes. We're going to dress kin up as Nancy Guthrie and just. Too far. No, it's not. We're not going that far. San Diego again. I got pretty predictable.

[C]

I just have one been deciding of Nancy.

[A]

There she is. Look at that. We're going viral.

[C]

I put the plants in the camera.

[A]

Put the wig on Caitlyn. There's Nancy Guthrie. She smells like Doritos.

[C]

We might have done this one, but it's a motorcycle ramming into a car.

[A]

Never bad.

[C]

It does multiple flips into the canal.

[A]

It's a terrible area. Bad roads and palm trees.

[C]

Oh.

[A]

Oh, man. 40ft over the car, then hits him. Does a triple and lands in water I didn't know was there. That's probably sewer in that triple.

[B]

Lindy, he pulled off.

[A]

He almost landed. Scores. How close was he to landing feet first? First like one, two. Oh, no. He goes in head first. That's a neck injury. Got to learn.

[C]

Was it?

[A]

Yeah. Boy, those tell you, man. I think he looked like he landed on his. No, he lands on his head. I think so. It. Okay, scoot that looks like his pants fall up. No, his head. I think his head goes into the bank.

[C]

Man, their minivans just don't hold it up.

[A]

Well, that minivan. A minivan just fell apart. The dude's going 70 miles an hour on a motorcycle.

[B]

But Teemu van.

[A]

It is kind of a Teemu. It's the Teu. The Teu Windstar. I think a bicycle would have totaled that thing. All right, Bert, what do you got while doing this? Fuel. Somebody just asked. Fuel is the eight o' clock. Word. Fuel.

[B]

Kim sent this one over. A little gym action here.

[A]

A girl sent it. Oh, no, Kim's a guy. All right, here we go.

[B]

Some bros maybe.

[A]

Nope.

[B]

Come on.

[A]

Oh, Brett's having trouble with his computer. Refresh Brett. Ref.

[C]

Birthday shout out.

[B]

Happy damn Booker face.

[C]

Who?

[B]

Eric?

[C]

Brian?

[A]

Oh yeah, it's Eric. And you know who else's birthday from Ma'? Am? Margie birthday as well. There you go. A couple birthday shout outs while we load up.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Nice stretch, Brady.

[A]

This is. You're welcome. £420. He's 14 years old and he's doing a bench press at 420. When they let this go, there's going to be one less 14 year old. He's got a push problem. Oh, I was right. Oh, he's got dead. There's no way he's.

[C]

I thought this was AI.

[A]

There's no way.

[B]

I don't know if it is or

[C]

not, but the kids reaction after that bar, man.

[A]

Well, it's internal bleeding. Oh my God. I don't know.

[C]

Yeah, I. I mean that. I would think that would just absolutely crush.

[A]

It bounced. Your rib cage is resilient, but the internal bleeding plates four on each side. He's got about.

[B]

It's £420.

[A]

He's got about seven steps before you needs to go to the hospital. Now

[B]

here's some camping action and. Well, not probably Apache Junction.

[A]

Yeah, it's in somebody's backyard. We're in a backyard camping. There's a tent, a guy's pov. He picked up a needle and he just chucked it at his friend and he buries it in his calf. He finds an Apache Junction meth needle and he just jokingly throws it at his friend and he sticks him with it. Don't do that.

[D]

That's an ass beat.

[A]

Right before the AIDS kicks in, I'm kicking the living out out of you.

[B]

I don't know if this is AI or not, but.

[A]

No. How did you get hepatitis? Well, a friend of mine threw a dirty dart at me and that's not true. You. You. No. I have to tell you, I can't have sex with anybody again without saying I got hep C from a. Not that way.

[B]

I don't know if this is AI or not, but this is some Toledo vacation videos we're in.

[A]

Is this the soccer game?

[B]

No.

[A]

Oh, these two. Oh, that's great.

[C]

It did look like the soccer game.

[A]

It's a cripple game with a roman candle. He's got a roman candle. He's shooting it at other cripples. And one cripple pulled up a. He's got the top of a trash can, and he's using it as a shield while the one. Another squid cripple scoots forward to him. Oh, now this one's. No, they're gonna fight.

[C]

This is the soccer game. Oh, yes.

[A]

It's a. It's a spinning leg kick from a. From a. Basically a snail with a human body on top of it.

[D]

They have the same affliction. Is that the same mother?

[B]

I don't like twins.

[A]

It's the same water supply. Yeah, that's true. In whatever cruddy country that is. They're. They're. They're snail people. Yeah, they're snailing around, but they don't have shells or anything.

[B]

And this is one of those ones where you. For the animal.

[A]

Yes. And they're out of their shell. That might be just giant hermit crabs. Brady's right.

[B]

Elephants taking on Indians off.

[A]

Elephants running down a. Oh, one guy fell down like a bad movie. Here comes the elephant demolishing. Oh, here he. Oh, he's squishing to do. I didn't see that guy.

[C]

And that is just a bag of bones.

[A]

Caught one of them. And now the elephant is just whipping him around. Pissed him off. Not the animal you want to make. Oh, man. He's making mince meat of this dude. Stop.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Could you imagine?

[C]

Ran out of peanuts.

[A]

We live in a city where we're just afraid of scorpions. Can you imagine looking on the front yard and seeing that? Like, they're around? Yeah, I would.

[C]

Interesting, because I called adopted rattlesnake training last year. Would it do elephant training?

[A]

No, we wouldn't, because the dog was. Is no match.

[B]

Doug could just give you the five grand. I'm not buying over there.

[A]

You know, the $5,000 to just leave me out.

[C]

I'm out.

[B]

And then this just.

[A]

This is ridiculous.

[B]

This isn't that.

[A]

It's all right.

[B]

But it's one of those ones where it solidifies, well, I will never go to Mardi Gras.

[A]

Oh, we're in Mardi Gras. Apparently somebody's eating the butt of a woman on this. Is that a man?

[B]

I think it is.

[A]

Eating ass. Right? Just chowing his little anal Angus right there in the. And people are gathered around, throwing cakes at. Throwing ranch milkshakes at them. She's not bad. She's got my haircut, but wow.

[B]

That's all we got.

[A]

That's allowed in New Orleans. There wasn't a cop in Sight.

[D]

John, I believe that needle thing is called justifiable homicide.

[A]

Yeah, I think so too. Chucked hepc into my leg. It's like if Gandalf was insane throwing hep C things at you. You're on a date with a girl a few years later. Later. I have to tell you before this gets serious. I have the hepatitis. Oh, why? How was it from dirty sex? I wish. Now I have a friend who threw hypodermic needle at me and it's stocking. That's not true. It is. It's very. Look, I'm being open. I'm vulnerable right now. Are you still friends with him? Well, yeah, we're bros. He didn't mean it. I kicked his ass. But wow. All right. Well, there you go. Few is today's 8 o' clock word. Get on the app. Get on the website. And I'm sorry for all you people who listen to the podcast like normal people. This doesn't apply to you. This is only for the live listening for now as our company focuses on nothing and makes us 16 different things. That's right. That's exactly right, bro. Where all these things.

[C]

Things.

[A]

Right. It's very confusing to the listener. But let's. Let's not focus on that at all. Good luck. Send you up there and get that metallic stuff. Might have the. We'll get time for it. I think we'll find out. Guadalupe Replay could be coming up. It's. There goes your brain report.

[C]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees.

[A]

I have heard enough of this. Morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. Before we get into your Guadalupe Replay, just let you know that fuel is the word for 8:00am Well, I don't know if we can do this. I don't think we can. I don't have time for this. I can't do the Guadalupe replay. What? Nope. Because it's going to bleed right into the nine. We'll miss the nine word. I can't do it. To keep the people happy.

[B]

Interrupted right in the middle of it.

[A]

Right. Here's what we can do.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And we stopped this, fortunately. But for a little while. There are the executives here I always complain about. Can we just take the Guadalupe squares? Make that its own separate podcast? Sure. Let's make them. Give them another thing that they can have that'll screw up everything.

[B]

For free.

[A]

For free. And so we didn't. But if you want to listen to it, it's available on the podcast. It does us no good at this point for you to do that. But you can, if you'd like, interrupt your radio listening habits by going to this thing on the side. We're more happy when you do it. But the podcast loves it. Loves it. And I don't want to screw with the people that are listening live because that's who we're focused on this week. The nine o' clock words coming up. And we had Clinton in the squares. Brady, you weren't here.

[C]

Who was the secret square?

[B]

Howard Hessman. Johnny Fever. I did it in honor of you. WKRP in Cincinnati.

[A]

Back to Ohio. And you Hessman's birthday, right? Yeah, he's dead. But Howard Hessman or Dr. Johnny Sunshine. Yeah, so we had that, but we had Clinton in there. And my theory Friday morning was that after Hillary's testimony Thursday, Friday, Bill was going to go in there and dodge all the questions about Epstein and then send that up the river with like murder charges and everything else. This was his chance to get, get out. The 30 year revenge tour was going to come to an end on Friday in Chappaqua when they're asking him questions about Epstein and all he had to do is go, I got more than you ever imagined on that. I don't care about Epstein. How about this? Hillary killed all those people and I have all the evidence.

[B]

He just pulled a Pacino every time I tried to get out there and

[A]

he went right and he just answered the questions like there was no fun in that. I thought for sure Clinton would be moved into Scottsdale with a weird like hair dye and Chinaman black hair and a mustache. Hi, my name's Yizzy. How are you? Nice to meet you, Mr. Yiskowitz. That's me. Super Jew. Yizzy. Yes, Kowitz and I live next door to you now. And there are no questions. Are you Bill Clinton? You're out of your mind, man. I don't know who that is. I'm not from here, I'm Israeli. But no, he didn't do it. He didn't sell out that wife of his. Now gotta go home to smart. They're probably smart. He would had him killed. Oh yeah, that was in there. And Obama put up with a lot over the years. One thing. And it's her choice.

[C]

Well, that was one thing.

[A]

He's the only thing.

[B]

He got caught on 12.

[A]

No, he got caught a bunch of times but she stayed. That is fault. Can't. You can't just keep be.

[C]

And there's a reason why too, of course.

[A]

Yeah, you can't keep beating him over the head with it, like, look, you could have left. I didn't. And I'm gonna make you pay every day. Well, you'll get your chance. And this was it. This was what I thought he'd been waiting for all those years. Cuz he had a breakout little problem. And then of course he, you know,

[C]

and then I think it was an arrangement.

[A]

Of course it was. Think about this. After the blowjob, he went to Epstein island alone. I'm gonna go to the island with a billionaire and a bunch of people. You want to come? No. All right. And then he'd leave way too excited. And all those pictures of him floating around in that pool and sitting in hot tubs with women that they ask him, do you know who that is? No, I do not. I was in the hot tub with a lot of strange ladies down there. It was great. Dudes with his track record record don't get to go to Island Adventures alone and not hear about it when they come home. And then a God forbid the pictures surface of him in the hot tub with it.

[C]

Who's that?

[A]

Bill? I did not ask for names. He just got into a hot tub with a strange lady. Dead? Yes. Did you have sex with her? Define that. What does that mean? Either you did or you didn't. Depends on what did means actually.

[C]

So then it cued Monica again. Look, talking about, man, she's like, luckily I able to survive it, but I went through.

[A]

Trust me, nobody wants to hear her. Her victim plan either. She set herself up for that. No, I don't feel sorry for her.

[C]

And she. And she says that.

[A]

And I don't feel sorry for him, but. But I do feel sorry that he has to go home to Hill Chillery 30 years later and still hear about it.

[B]

Yeah, look at that too.

[A]

Yeah, you get like a two or three year window before you sit in the same kitchen going, who was that? No, no, no, no. We're not doing this. That's enough. You're in a hot tub at the Epstein Island. You said I could go.

[C]

He got a call from the Paris Bill, by the way, you gotta have a kid with her.

[A]

What was what? Hillary. Yuck. There has to have that happen. Some sort of turkey baster option here. Please. It's hard enough to do it doggy style because I know what she could turn around and that ruin everything. No, that's. That was a chance that I thought he had and he blew it. So. But yeah, like there's no way he hasn't had just the worst last 30 years. Every time like he's waving. All right, have a nice day. See you later, folks. Button. And then he goes into the house and just looks at her. He goes, oh, just deflates life. No way. It's been easy. But again, got to give it to her. With his history, she still allowed him to go to that awesome Caribbean island with the billionaire friends of his. And she didn't go. And he was there like 16 times. That's a tough sell right now for you, Brett, to tell Matthiah. Oh, I'm gonna go over to my friend's billionaire island without you for a 15th time. What do you guys do down there? Guy stuff. Back off. What are you writing a book? Get lady. Hey, Bill, can you get away this weekend? Let me see what I can do. Hey, Jeffrey wants to golf on the island again. Fine, I'm in. I can't believe how easy's getting.

[C]

Go have fun.

[A]

Go have fun. All right. You don't suppose she's messing around on you? Have you seen her? No, she's not messing around on me. Don't worry about it.

[B]

I mean, I.

[A]

Unless Stevie Wonder shows up at the house and even he's got hands, he can feel it. Trust me, the second your hands sink into that dough, you leave. She is a massive pile of uncooked bread. Jeffrey. Anyway, so I was disappointed that he was in the squares. We had fun with that. But nothing good happened there and I expected that to be better. Just a few minutes away from giving you the nine o' clock word. What would Brady do is going to happen? And that's coming up next.

[C]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool actually. No membership fee.

[A]

I have heard enough of this. Morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. All right, I'm late again, but that's okay. Nine o', clock, where I say that it isn't, but I just said it was, so it must be blackened. Turn away, bro. 9:00am Word is blackened. Blackened. Blackened. Like mahi or swordfish.

[B]

I don't hear any chirping in the background.

[A]

Blackened.

[C]

No.

[A]

See, this is why you're not allowed in here. Blackened. Damn it. Brett. Is the word for 9am for your Metallica Super Sphere giveaway. Disappear to the sphere. October 1st. October 3rd. We're getting you up there to Vegas to watch Metallica do the sphere. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Tickets are on sale today. Correct. For the super fans.

[B]

Yeah, I think the pre sales today.

[A]

Today it's going. I can't imagine that it's. That it's gonna last. I can't. There's no way. After the fans get hold of this. 15, 000 tickets. Day one's I. Day one's gone. Anyway. We'll see. I guess John Gordon will tell us. He's in the fan club. So. Ticket prices. I don't know what those are officially.

[B]

They were some early things last week that we saw and it was insane.

[A]

It was like 1800 bucks and stuff. And that was with a hotel. But yeah, nobody knew where. And it was only one ticket.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But I don't know how much of those were accurate either. They end up scammed out, sending your 1800 bucks. And then there's. There were no details to the stuff I've seen. So. Does anybody else think it smells like Oreos in here?

[C]

I just got it. Yeah, that.

[A]

I just think I power suggested Brady into the Oreos. Do you smell it?

[C]

You did?

[B]

No, but my allergies are still something weird going on.

[A]

Is that a sign you're about to die or you've been brainwashed or is that like the almonds?

[C]

Could be Toledo's coffee.

[A]

Does he have Oreo flavored coffee? My God. How unhealthy are these people?

[B]

Well, we just talked about the ranch.

[A]

It's time for Brady to give you all the. Well, no. He's solve all your problems now. It's solving all your issues. Issues? Because you guys are problematic as humans and Brady is not. It's called what would Brady do? And it's brought to you by MMP Guns. MMP Guns is Arizona's largest inventory of firearms, prices and service. That's just hard to beat. MMP guns dot com. I might have gotten a little too excited about that. 12th street and Indian School, if you want to play that game. Before we get into the letters, I got this one here. What is? I guess the letter. But it's not a. What would rate. It says dear Home. I think we need to have all the gays on the planet and drop them in the ocean. Every homosexual needs to be dumped in the center of the ocean. You don't like what I'm saying? Well, I'm right here. You should contact my employer if you don't like it. I dare you. My name is deandre Ayton of the Los Angeles Lakers. This guy won't stop today. And I'll read every one of them you send. DeAndre's got a lot of wild opinions. Are you ready, Brady? Ready. Pick a word and then I'll read that one.

[B]

First.

[A]

First baseman's mitt pegging or presa canario.

[C]

Let's go with the first baseman's.

[A]

Okay, we'll go first. Basement's mitt. We'll see what we're talking about there.

[B]

Oh, man.

[A]

Here's your question. It says, hey Brady, my wife's vagina has gone from paper cut. And I stole that from your pal Ralphie May. I died when he said that on the air. To a first basement smith with the laces pulled out. Picture it for a second. It's a mess. Flopping fingers say Rawlings on it. Got a scoop for a pinky. It says we have no kids. I'm an Average sized man. Man. 7 inches, not too thick. I haven't been able to tell her that this thing is just tumbling out. I looked at a video of us from when we first got together in 2007 and it was amazing. Drastically different down there. How is this happening? She's the only one I've been with, so I don't know about women's parts. Is this normal? Do all of them start to tumble out of themselves?

[C]

Pete, I don't think. I don't think they all do. But there's good news. You can always. You can re lace the glove.

[A]

Oh, you can't relace the glove. I've seen the class action lawsuit about how those fall out too. Once it starts to tumbling out, it tumbles out. Here's the thing about that. You know, in California, have the mudslide signs, put some plants. Yeah, you gotta put some ice plant in that. But once the mudslide happens, and I learned this the hard way when I lived in Pasadena, once it happens happens, you're susceptible to it forever. You can't plant enough ice plants for a meltdown.

[C]

A sliding.

[A]

You can try slide. Try to get some roots in there. Mudslide, it's a life. Mudslide. It's a vaginal mudslide, which is the worst drink I've ever had at TGI Fridays. Vaginal mudslides, once they happen. And we've coined that phrase. Trademark that. Brett, let's get some mud money for this. You're at risk of that constantly happening. So Brady, your solution is true. She can't go to a doctor and spend $30,000 to. It's expensive to bring it on up, but it's basically marionette strings holding that thing up. And eventually one might pop and down she goes. Does it happen to all women?

[C]

I think you want to do that before the mudslide.

[A]

You want to tighten it up before.

[C]

Yeah. You don't.

[A]

Well, you know, how do you. How do you tell your wife, hey, before it's too late. You can't. She's not going.

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

Pulled up if it's not falling out. Also, I think it's time you had to talk about what toys she uses when you're not there.

[C]

And has there been some extra innings with her?

[B]

I mean, maybe Kean's visiting.

[A]

That's the thing I'm wondering.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Something else is pulling that. That out. You got no kids, but now her vagina has a mouth for war. Co op Entera.

[C]

Might be a good question to ask. You know, your future partner, you know, the mother.

[A]

Huh.

[C]

How did you age? How's it age?

[A]

Oh, you want to see mom's vagina first? Because that's.

[C]

You don't need to say. You just need to ask her.

[A]

Do you have any photos? Genitals?

[B]

Just what you want to see, a 60 year old catcher's man.

[A]

Yeah, that's what a. That's what Dr. Rick's talking about all the time, of people turning into their parents.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Means if her mom's honey pot tumbled,

[C]

there's gonna be tumbling and.

[A]

And her mother and her mother before her.

[C]

But like you said, that's a tough one. You don't know. And how do you discuss that with her?

[A]

You can't.

[C]

You can't.

[A]

You can't look at it and go, oh, you know, well, you could.

[C]

I don't think you'll like the.

[A]

No, you're not the result.

[C]

I don't think you'll like the feedback.

[A]

Do you think she's aware of it?

[C]

To a certain extent, I would have to say. I would think so.

[A]

Would you know, if you're.

[C]

Is that why maybe sometimes it may. Well, she's not shutting down.

[A]

But if it's 12.

[C]

He's not really saying that.

[A]

No, but he is. If the. If through time slowly it started to. To get gross, she. I don't know that would notice that it's ever been different. Like if it just happened overnight.

[B]

She had a before and after.

[A]

All right, that's. He's got the video.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Well, so maybe freeze the video at a crucial moment, go through the video and get it.

[C]

There is a possibility that she might not notice. Yeah.

[A]

Does it happen to her gradually?

[C]

Because if she did, if it was. If. If it really started to bother, you would know and she would say, I want to do something about it.

[A]

How about the. This. This only works if you're at Brady's house.

[C]

But if you.

[A]

If you've got a fish tank, why don't you tell her to get in there and clean up the sides, Place that thing up there and do a little placastomy stuff, right?

[C]

If you could just.

[A]

Oscar, fish. Scrape the glass with the algae off there.

[B]

Take her to Arby's, have a conversation about it. And, you know, I mean, maybe she'll get the hint. See the barbecue up there?

[A]

Take her to Arby's and turn your sandwich sideways and eat it like that. And she goes, what are you doing? Like, I don't know. I just. It just looks so familiar, and I can't quite figure out why. Are you saying I look like that? Oh, my God, you're right. Make her be the one who says it. Oh, my God, it does look like your stuff.

[C]

Her new slogan is we save relationships

[A]

and then take her one of those places that serves those tiny tacos. I need it this way. And go. This reminds me of something, too, but I haven't seen it in years. There's no way out of this.

[C]

I don't think so.

[A]

She has to be the one that knows.

[C]

And maybe she hears it today.

[A]

Yeah. What's her name? Email me back. We'll shame it out of them. We'll do it. We should do the Dream Killers. Give her a call. But, man, you'd be dead. Your husband called a radio station and said that your stuff's falling, falling out.

[B]

Especially this show.

[A]

And you described it as Anthony Rizzo's first base glove. If you took all the laces out of it. Oh, yeah, we couldn't. That's the War of the Roses. We would lose anyway. Brady, I don't know if that's the first time that everyone in the room just says, we ain't got an answer for you.

[C]

I think it is.

[A]

You just have to grin and bear it. Get beat up by that car wash every once in a while. In a while. That poor woman, all right?

[C]

The fact that she still likes to get it on is big.

[A]

Well, that's big to you. Like, she likes.

[B]

So she.

[A]

Apparently. Yeah, but she's not complaining about it.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So you're acting like she's walking around with no pride or like she's ashamed she doesn't know. So she wants to do it because she doesn't think. Because you're noticing. Like, over and you notice it. And it's not fair what you've done. You've comped her to 2007. And he was like, you don't look the Same either. Look at that video and see what's wrong with you. And then point out, man, I watched the video of us from 2007. Here's what I think's wrong with me. Now you do you. What's different about you? Let's. That's fun. Okay, we solved it. Watch the video together and say, look at my gut, I used to be a man. And then point out your flaws and go, what do you see different about you? Because I'm not seeing much. Much. And you know, that's a nice fake compliment. Lie to her. And then she'll be like, oh my God, I don't know. And then like is, do you think your vagina looks the same? Because I think my wiener doesn't look the same. I think it looks the same. And then, you delusional, look at it again. Maybe she's been cloned. Maybe it's a Jim Carrey thing.

[C]

He could be. Maybe he was searching for us to say, oh, it's time for you to move on. Find some new. Some new strange.

[A]

You can't love her cuz it's tumbling.

[C]

Yeah, that's what it sounds like he's saying.

[A]

I'm like a little taken aback. It's almost like when they get, you know, put on extra weight. You can't say put on some weight.

[B]

Yeah, but you can lose that. The Mizuno in her pants isn't going to. You know, you can fix it.

[A]

You can temporarily fix it. It's coming back out.

[C]

Put some menthol on there. Tighten it up.

[A]

Yeah, maybe there's some of that was that stuff problem alum. That's right. The cartoon characters, it would shrink them way up. All right, press a canario or pegging.

[C]

Press a Canario.

[A]

Pres Canario for 200. Brady, when a woman doesn't like your dog and you've been dating her and you've fallen in love, what do you do? I love this woman more than anything in the world. I want her in my life. Life. But she and my dog hate each other. My dog's only four years old. It's a pres Canario. And she hit me over the weekend by saying I have to choose. She's contemplating leaving me because she can't come to my house because my dog literally hates her. I don't know what to do. I'm a disaster. What would Brady do? Marcus

[C]

tell you what it it it. I would see if I could find a dog trainer behavior, you know, to work with the dog a little bit. Because I can't believe that would always be that way. I think that's a correctable thing.

[A]

Dogs know that dog's warning you. Dogs know if it's friendly to other people and doesn't like just one dog

[C]

person, that means it's a bad person.

[A]

Yes, dogs know. Dogs know. My dog Brandy was a Wymer.

[C]

Well, the fact that, I mean, I don't know much about the presa canario other than their dogs.

[A]

No.

[C]

Brady protect.

[A]

Doesn't matter.

[C]

Protecting dogs. They could be territorial.

[A]

Could be. If he's. It depends on the behavior. If he likes everybody else that comes to the house and doesn't like her, he's chosen her for a reason. I had a wine runner named Brady or Brandon. Brandy. I have a dog named Brady now, too. Rolly guy. But Brandy loved everyone except my sister's friend Chrissy. And Chrissy was normal. We couldn't figure it out. Chrissy would come to the house. She was tall, but Chrissy was. Something was wrong. And Chrissy'd wander into the house. Brandy would get really mean. Like, I mean, like, I'm gonna kill her means, like, what's going on? Like, she's so sweet to everybody. Hate you. We have to put her in a bedroom. It turned out there was a little bit of a coke problem. We don't know. Nobody knew she knew. Dogs know. And also any woman, she wasn't sharing

[C]

it with the dog.

[A]

Maybe she was. She was a coke person. Any woman that says this or that or I'm out is going to leave you eventually. Any man who says this or that or I'm out is going to leave you eventually. Stop now.

[B]

That's everybody saying dogs are great judges of people. Ditch the.

[A]

Yep, yep. There is no way anyone who cares about you would make you suffer emotionally to be with them.

[C]

Yeah. There will be other issues down the road.

[A]

She's going to make your life hell. If you like a football team, she's going to try to take your schedule away from you. She's going to say things like, but I want to go to Wilcox this weekend. They have. But the Steelers are playing the Ravens. Does that matter more? You have to make a choice. Oh, this is easy.

[C]

Ultimatum, period.

[A]

And

[C]

she knows you with yell, Matt. She knows I would also. You know, you can get him. Like, you know what? This is credible. But if she doesn't want to do anything about it.

[A]

Yeah, but if your dog is a dick to a lot of people, Brady's 100, right? Got to get training. You got to do that because you can love a Dog that's a dick. I've got that. Or come up with a plan to say, look, when you're around, this do will never be in the room with you. But if she's saying it's me or the dog, that dog will never say that to you. She's going to start that. And if you give her that one thing and she's willing to watch you suffer emotionally to be with her, she's insane, guy. Ultimatum never. And if you do, women are. You know why? Because women usually leave when a dude drops the ultimatum. Because they're right. A dude that drops an ultimatum is walking into a landmine. She looks at me, do you think you're the only option I've got and you're going to throw this at me? No. And women are 100% right. Dudes can't really ultimatum women because they'll just leave. And that's what you need to do. Ultimatums are out. And dogs know, boy, that's. If any of my dogs didn't like someone, I'd take that as a sign. And other than my dog Yardley, who's a three legger and she's got certain things like, yeah, it's her.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

But if, you know, if she likes dogs and there's just a mix, I would try, you know, but if she's not a dog person to begin with,

[A]

shouldn't be with her.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Anybody that asks you to get rid of something you love, nothing again, you know, sacrifice for me is what she's saying. Show me I miss. It's her insecurities coming out. Saying, if he sells things, he loves to be with me. He loves me, me more. Our old friend, our other friend Brett, who's a huge dealer fan and his girlfriend used his Steeler love against him to say, if you do this and go to watch a Steelers game, that means you don't love me. And she, you know, hold the vagina hostage. We don't negotiate with hostages. Women have done this properly. No man can go up. Go. Okay, it's either me or it's this. They'd look at you and go, bye, peace out. Because they should. That's the right, right thing. People who love you don't ultimatum you. Finally, the last one. Pegging, pegging, pegging for a thousand, Alex. That starts. Hey, Holmberg, ask Brady. I got pegged by my wife. Shut up, you guys. It was because she said if I want her back door, she gets mine. So I said, fine. And let me tell you, boys, number one, it does hurt. But not for long. After a little bit, it was sort of awesome. Definitely. Now on my menu, two, my wife has backed out of the deal because she said she didn't think I'd like it. It wasn't supposed to be good, and she was hoping I would realize that I should not do that to her. So she is. Whoa. Misspelled the word reneging pretty badly.

[C]

Okay, how she spell it?

[A]

There's an E where his eye is. Okay. Or his. An eye where. Yeah, that's right. Supposed to be an E. It's like the word renegade, except for you didn't do that. And only one G, by the way, as well. This doesn't look good. So I'm just going to change it to. She's backing out of the deal. Says, give me a punishment that is worthy. Harris got pegged by the wife.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

In a tit for tat thing.

[C]

And now she's not holding her.

[A]

He did his.

[C]

His half.

[A]

He needs the tat.

[C]

And he's welcoming it again.

[A]

Oh, he wants it more. He likey. See, you can't say you don't, Brady, because you haven't tried it. It's like me with goat. You can get mad at me and say you don't know how good goat is. I've had it. I'm like, well, I'm drawing the line there. I don't want goat, but I don't know if goat tastes good. I just have a problem with what it is, not how it. It feels.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Tastes. What's a good punishment for a woman who pegged you with the promise of taking one for the team and now she won't do it.

[C]

You have to still reciprocate.

[A]

What do you mean?

[C]

Since he held. She does.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Yeah. She cannot. Yeah, but if she's not gonna.

[B]

Or you just slip and, oops,

[A]

sorry about that rape there in the middle. That was an accident. My rape.

[C]

You can't. Then you'd go back to saying, all right, well, if that's not. You're not going to hold your end of the deal on that side of it. What are we doing? What? What?

[A]

Make her come up.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

It's not going to be good, though.

[A]

No. I think if it's tit for tat, the answer's right there. Yeah, tat. Well, make her get a tattoo that says and then spell it your way. I am a re.

[B]

I'm not saying.

[A]

I'm not either. I'm a person who backs out of deals because you guys can't spell either. First of all, the Internet that should have stopped that word cold. Little red line under the word.

[C]

That's what it is.

[A]

No. Yeah. You have to get her a tattoo of a slur on her body somewhere.

[C]

I would. I would negotiate.

[A]

I got this. You know how all caves have kind of a name? You know, like, you'll see, like, capes, Mammoth Cave. Mammoth. Or, you know, Bat Cave. Yeah, the bat cave. Cars get a tattoo on her ass with an arrow next to it that says liars hole. And she has to wear that on her ass forever. Or just take one for the team.

[B]

He did take one.

[A]

No, she does.

[C]

Oh,

[B]

and of course, them all coming in. How you know you're gay without saying you're gay. And then just gay came back in big letters.

[A]

Come on.

[C]

Hey, it's on the menu.

[A]

It is on the menu again.

[B]

Yeah, but it sounds like he's ready to go back for the smorgasbord.

[A]

Oh, he's ready to go back in then.

[C]

You know, if that's the case, find. Find a dude. It's easy.

[A]

He doesn't want a man in his life. He likes the Pl. He likes a lady.

[C]

Might as well.

[A]

At this point. You can get pegged by a woman, and it's still very heterosexual. It's got some flavors of gay. It's got. It's vanilla with some gay sprinkles. But until it's an actual dude holding your hips. Can you do it? You're skirting a line there. Semantics. You found a loophole. It is pretty gay, but it's not as gay as rollerblading. Yeah, it's not as gay as field hockey. I hung out with Josh Blues buddy. He's a. On the US Field hockey team. And I thought he said hockey. I said, you have to be thrilled about what happened in the Olympics. And he goes, he's from England and somebody's in the US Field hockey team. He goes, no, mate, field hockey. And I'm like, oh, so more heated rivalry. And he goes, what? And I'm like, nah, I guess that's not true. That's not as gay as field hockey. And he started laughing. I'm like, if field hockey was the sport in the show. Heated rivalry. They would call heated rivalry. Rivalry. Of course. Of course. Horse. These dudes are doing it. So you think it's too gay and he should just go out with a man rather than.

[C]

Well, if it's on the menu, he's not going to get it at home.

[A]

May just like pegging, but there might

[C]

be some girls lining up to take one that Would peg him.

[A]

Well, he. Yeah, there's plenty of them. And then they'll go back door and stuff.

[C]

He'll be happy he discovered he liked the pegging part.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Hey, you know what? We're all here for a little pleasure. And if that brings you pleasure, go for it. Pretty gay. See, well, it is, but I mean, there's a woman doing it, so. I see what you've done here. In a court of law, they'd be like, well, it's technically not as gay as it is. Doesn't meet all the parameters.

[C]

Gay.

[B]

Cody just wrote bro's only choice is to bang a dude with her sitting in the cuck chair.

[A]

This one says, can we get off the gate for a second? John, have you ever had a traditional gyro? It's lamb meat. It's one of my favorites. Got to be what goat tastes like. No, I haven't. We're in America. We don't have to eat third world food. So I don't. That's Greek. They went bankrupt like 10 years ago. It's a third world. They just got nice tourism. All right, there you go. Well, Brady, you didn't really have an answer for that guy outside of just take it from a man.

[C]

I mean, have find an alternative.

[A]

That's what we're trying. That's what he was asking. What's the option? He knows there's an alternative. What would you do? What's your punishment?

[C]

I don't know if. I don't know if you'll be able to pull off a punishment. Punishment?

[A]

Why not? You have to find.

[C]

In lieu of. I want to role play whatever.

[A]

She have to go to like Walmart dressed as Hitler or something like just for a day. Just put her in a situation that's just dangerous.

[C]

I'd rather, you know, do something that's sexual.

[A]

Oh, well, then have Hitler peg you and you both win and videotape it so you can hold it over forever. There's the answer. Dress her up like Hitler and have her peg you. You like it and you can use it later as some sort of a psychological warfare. I'm going to go ahead and ask this guys who've been pegged from the future, keep it to yourselves. It's uncomfortable and gay. Yeah, and it made my grandpa spin over a couple of times in his grave. This is actually, actually things people talk about now. Kind of gay. There you go, everybody. That is what Brady did. His arms are crossed and his butt is tight. I can tell you right now the physical nature of Brady right now.

[C]

Does the Euro sounds good.

[A]

Third world food. I'm sorry. I'll have a hamburger.

[B]

Probably looks like that first basement

[A]

after.

[B]

That's what I'm saying.

[A]

Oh that's. That's ziki.

[C]

Ah.

[A]

Anyway, there you go. That's what Brady.

[C]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool actually. No membership fee.

[A]

I have heard enough of this. Morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. I'm not getting through that one. Some of the best advice I've ever given. It's Brett's idea. We can't talk about it on the air because it.

[B]

Well, nobody'd understand.

[A]

Eight parts of it are illegal and like there's all sorts of employment law issues but. Ah, damn it, Brad. That was a great idea getting one guy. I can't talk about it. No, but there's wives of co workers involved that. Oh, just the sordid seedy mess he could. And it could all be done by

[B]

Larry

[A]

if we were more crooked operation. Some guy says well that's. Oh here, hold on to that. That's what would do for next week. Says it's awfully weird that the word for nine o' clock was blackened because I think that's what happened to that emailer's wife's vagina. Oh, that could be it. If you've been to blacked.com you'll know that's why your wife has an RVS now and then. I do have to say this because I do it for as many people as I possibly can because it is something we all feel. We all need to know that you're not alone when it happens. Taylor emails and says. Last night my fiance and I had the tough decision to say Goodbye to our 17 year old. I don't know if that's Puget or Puget. Rat Terrier. Puget. It's Puget. But I don't know that that was the thing. I've always just called him Rat Terrors. Rat terror. Rascal. 17 year old rat Terrier. So please everybody give your extra treats and cookies to your furry friends in honor of Rascal the Rat Terror. You got it buddy. That's a beautiful thing. Nice job. 17 years. You ran the whole race there, Rascal. Good for you, kid. Say hi to my guys too. Frankie and Elgato are right there with you. It's time now for Brady to give you the entertaining news he knows. And it's brought to you by our friends at the Schwartz Laser Eye Center. What?

[C]

I got the hiccups.

[A]

Oh, you got them now?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

All right. Close your eyes, Brady. And think of that guy's wife's vagina. It'll scare him right up. Let's see anyway.

[C]

Or the ranch milkshake.

[A]

Or that they're pouring out of it. There go your hiccups. Toledo will never have the hiccups again.

[B]

I'm leaving.

[C]

He's going to have clear sinuses.

[A]

And now picture. Now picture. Larry. Never mind.

[C]

No, no.

[A]

I'm leaving. You can do all this when you've got good vision. What a turnaround. The Schwartz Laser Eye center can help with that. And after all my eye issues. I'm going to harp on this for a minute. That complimentary consultation Dr. J. Schwartz offers has become invaluable to all of you. Their phones need to ring off the hook. Their website needs to be bombarded by all of you. You just going, I don't want to have happened to me what happened to John. And go over there and make sure your eyes are first off healthy. And second, maybe you're a candidate for Lasik. Maybe your vision isn't as good as you think. He'll make sure you're seeing great in the end. And right now I'm down to my bubble in my eyes the size of a contact. And it just floats around my eye and it drives me nuts. Got a few more days left. And the weirder part is. And I've said this to so many people because it's inside my eyes. Eye. It doesn't matter that I close my eye. You.

[D]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Regardless.

[A]

Yeah. It F's with you. So, you know, you. You close your eyes and you look at a light and it's orange kind of. It's, like bright. Now, I do that, and if there's any light, it's almost like a solar eclipse. There's a black circle with lights. Or it's. It's. It messes with you. You don't. Nobody. I'm telling you, you don't want any of this.

[C]

Dewey, Go outside and look at the sun.

[A]

I can stare at the sun, son. Now, Dr. J. Schwartz will lean you against that. Don't do it. But you don't want any of what? I had to deal with a torn retina thing. Detached retina is even worse. And just messing around with that stuff. You got floaties. You got stuff. You're like, I could see better. Just go get it checked out. There's so much technology in the world of eye treatment. You cannot imagine how easy it's going to be to get through it before it gets bad and mine was pretty easy. It's still a pain in the ass. Ass. You don't want it. So go get that consultation they offer and just take a look at what your eyes can do. They can see 2020. Again, it's up to you to make them do it. And it's up to Dr. J. Schwartz to tell you how. Schwartz Laser Eye Center. They're the official eye doctor of the suns and diamondbacks. Teamidoc.com that's where you go. Schwartz Laser Eye Center Brady Entertainment.

[C]

Christian Bale thinks he's a disappointment for fans to meet in real life because the version that you see on screen.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Is him at his best. So when you meet me in person.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

It'll never be that caliber the screen.

[A]

Well, that's what they say. Never meet your heroes because your image of them can't possibly live up to the edited.

[C]

And he doubled down on that. He goes, that's why I never want to meet my heroes. For the same reason.

[A]

Exactly. And also he doesn't talk like this. Hello, how are you? It was nice to meet you. Oh, you're a twink Brit. I didn't even know know that. Thought you were the guy from American Psycho. No.

[C]

I don't know if you heard about or saw any of that. Interview with Shia LaBeouf. He admits that he's afraid of gay people and that's why he was arrested. New Orleans. It was Marty Gro. He says, when I'm like standing by myself and three gay guys are next to me, touching me, touching my leg, I'm scared.

[A]

Well, you put yourself in quite a position. Yeah.

[C]

Call it homophobic. That's. I guess that's what saying I'm.

[A]

I am.

[C]

Well then don't go to mar. My dad was raped by his cousin and he chewed my ear off on that growing up.

[A]

Right. It's.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

If you're in a situation in the, you know, it's the preamble to rape where a bunch of dudes you don't know are touching you.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You pretty much should be afraid. That's not homophobia. That's. That's just. You're just being self aware.

[C]

You gotta. If you get a chance to hear the interview because then it goes on and he's, you know, talking to the guy interviewing bro. It's like this. And he's talking and he's kind of riddles and then he says, oh, by the way, I'm very religious.

[A]

Oh yeah. He loves the Lord. He is.

[C]

I'm effing Religious.

[A]

Well, that's why he doesn't like gays. He's living the. The books word for word. Brett, you said earlier that the guy was getting pegged was gay. Is it homophobia to be be afraid of a getting raped by a guy or is it just afraid of rape? I think it's rapophobia. That's what I have. I've got tons of rapophobia. And I guess it would have to be somebody performing what would be considered a homosexual act on me. But I know I'm not afraid of gays. But I am definitely afraid of gay rape. Is that fair? It's my SAT question.

[B]

It's understandable.

[A]

Not all. All. Not all gay sex scares me.

[B]

As long as it doesn't have nothing to do with you.

[A]

But gay rape does. But I guess it's not gay. It's just rape. Right?

[C]

Chet Hanks is stuck in the Columbia.

[A]

Huh?

[B]

There's a difference. If. If Brady tries to peg you or Du Lipa tries to peg you. That's two different things. You wouldn't be scared of the.

[A]

Well, one is. Is rape.

[C]

Right.

[A]

The other is something I probably paid for.

[C]

It's good money.

[A]

Yeah, it was. And you enjoyed it.

[C]

Chet Hanks is stuck in Columbia due to passport issues. Tom's like just live in the airport there for a while.

[A]

It's a joke about a bad movie Tom Hanks was in where he pretended to be a guy in an airport and lived there. It's a true story.

[C]

Evidently Chelsea Handler went topless to get that vasectomies.

[A]

I'm gay. She went topless. So we would go get her to encourage.

[C]

Yeah man. To go that she felt that maybe that would motivate guys to.

[A]

Oh well, it certainly isn't going to work for erectile dysfunction.

[B]

So I guess we'll call the pagan guy.

[A]

Yeah. Now I'm not afraid of gay rape as much.

[C]

In the original Soprano script that David Chase submitted to the networks, nobody died in the beginning.

[A]

Who died in the beginning?

[B]

I don't think anybody did the first episode.

[A]

Yeah, well, the.

[C]

I don't. I think the original script was. The whole thing wasn't. It just wasn't one.

[A]

There's no way they did it because it couldn't. I'll tell you exactly why that's not right. Because they didn't anticipate the mom dying after season one. They didn't know. And they had not written that in the entire Supreme.

[C]

You know, this one must have. I mean, I mean, El wouldn't say the original supreme script had to be more than one episode.

[A]

There wouldn't be a script. A script is just an episode. So it would be the pitch or arc of the story. But you can't. A, you can't have a mob thing without death. B, the whole thing was supposed to be about Tony and his mom.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But then she died, so it became about Tony.

[C]

I can't remember the first episode.

[A]

If anyone, it's pretty great. Although Tony doesn't have the boy voice yet. He's not really talking like he did towards the end there, is he, Brett?

[C]

There had to been a whacking in it.

[A]

Then in the beginning, the first one else.

[C]

This wouldn't be the first one.

[A]

They run over a guy, Christopher and his Lexus. Yeah, they. Because they. They try to kill him on the campus. Did they kill him? They just hit him, right? No, they kill him.

[C]

Yeah, they did.

[A]

They run that dude over immediately.

[B]

Yeah. Okay. Yeah, that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So that check associate.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. So that wasn't in the original script.

[A]

I guess that was a good ad. It's a great scene.

[C]

Prince is getting a five day celebration of life to mark the 10th anniversary of his death.

[A]

My God.

[C]

You have to go to St. Paul, Minnesota, and it'll be June 3rd through the 7th in Paisley Park. Events will include concerts, screenings, boat, cruise ship, panel discussions and more. Kicks off with a DJ dance party at the First Ave. And a downtown block party.

[A]

June 3rd was the day he died. Yeah. 2016. Yeah, that was the.

[C]

Oh, no, I'm sorry. April 21st.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Mark the 10th.

[A]

I was gonna say that seems late because April 21st, then 2016, when he died is the day we first toured this building. Because I remember pulling into the parking lot and Tripp was going to walk us through here. It wasn't quite done yet. And Prince died on our way. Well, he didn't die on our way over. It wasn't because we were moving, but. Yeah, because the first day we were here was June 16, 2016. June 12, something like that. Maybe 6th. One of the. I don't remember. I'll look back. It's our 10th anniversary in this building,

[B]

boys, and it's still standing.

[A]

Not for. Not much better.

[C]

Four siblings who were friends with Michael Jackson growing up are suing him, suing his estate, claiming they were trafficked and abused by Michael.

[A]

So Macaulay Culkin came out and said if it wasn't for Michael Jackson, he'd ended up on Epstein Island. And he's making the claim that Michael.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

Was doing all he could to keep Kids at Neverland Land to keep them away from the Epstein thing and away from that island. And then they turned on him and made him the pedophile. Not that he did it. So McAuley's like, it never happened. He's like, Michael was a great human being who kept us from being trapped into those. He said it was always celebrity kids that were being groomed and he'd pull us away and it was a safe place to be interested. Yeah. Yep. That nuts. Anyway, I wish it would have. Would have been me. I'd have done anything for Michael to get on Neverland. I'd have blown them all. Call me gay or whatever, but I'd have taken a nice pegging to just get that. Just my backyard was in your middle name. I'm like, oh, I would have been. I'd have changed my name to Peg and I have just played Steely Dan all day. I'd have been on that Ferris wheel constantly between peggings. I got a zoo and.

[C]

Oh, that'd be amazing.

[A]

Awesome. Neverland would have been worth it. It's 10 oh, 7. The word for 10 o' clock is sad. Oh, it's an easy one. It's three letters. Can't screw that up. Sad. You get on our website, you go to the glorious Metallica logo, disappear to the sphere, you hop on that, you put it in for the 10 o' clock word. Sad. You also do it on the app. John Gordon, you're a member of the fan club. Is it sol? Sold out. The tickets are still available through the fan club thing. How much are they? 800 a ticket.

[D]

The vacation experiences are 1600 bucks a person, but you get three nights at

[A]

the Venetian and you get tickets to both shows. But why would you get two of those? What do you mean? Well, I mean, if it's for one person, then you get 3200 for the two tickets. Oh, it might be just one hotel.

[D]

It might just be three days at the one hotel.

[A]

You're right, because. Yeah, because they wouldn't give two people, two hotels, 1600 bucks. Person. That's. That's heavy. See, that doesn't make sense, though, because if each person saying what?

[D]

The website.

[A]

No, no. But if each person has to buy a ticket and they get a hotel room, that seems too much.

[B]

Yeah, this whole goddamn things are.

[A]

It's a lot confusing. Well, that's why giving it away is even better. You guys get it for nothing. We'll get it to you. That's it for us. You guys have yourselves a glorious Monday. Larry's, coming up next. We'll see you tomorrow in the morning Sickness.

[C]

Hey, it's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees.

[A]

I have heard enough of this.

[D]

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