03-05-25 - BR - WED - w/Frank Caliendo - WW - 2x - Macaroni Penguins And Moist Dolphins - Frank Feels Our Pain As We Explain The Challenges Of Listening To Brady - Getting Full Details On Brady's Fish Tank Whack

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode: March 5, 2025 - "Macaroni Penguins And Moist Dolphins" with Frank Caliendo

Host: John Holmberg (Brady Bogan) Co-Hosts: Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo Guest: Frank Caliendo

---

Introduction

In the March 5, 2025 episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness on 98 KUPD, host John Holmberg, alongside co-hosts Brady Bogan, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo, welcomed comedian Frank Caliendo as a special guest. The episode, titled "Macaroni Penguins And Moist Dolphins," promised a mix of humor, news, and engaging discussions aimed at entertaining and sometimes disturbing their Arizona-based audience.

---

Guest Segment: Frank Caliendo's Upcoming Performances

The episode kicked off with Brady Bogan announcing Frank Caliendo's upcoming performances:

Brady Bogan [00:35]: "Frank Caliendo is joining us this morning, hanging out with us for a little bit. He's over at 10pm March 9. He's in Atlanta... Sunday at the TempeImprov.com..."

Frank clarified the details, ensuring listeners knew the correct dates and venues for his shows:

Frank Caliendo [01:00]: "It's at the Cobb Energy, but it's in a small branch... Just Sunday."

The co-hosts humorously navigated the confusion about the dates, emphasizing Frank's availability to perform for different audiences.

---

News Highlights

Fort McHenry Tunnel: The Lowest Point

Brady shared an interesting fact about the interstate highway system:

Brady [04:16]: "The lowest point in the interstate highway system elevation wise is Fort McHenry Tunnel, which carries traffic on the I95 underneath Baltimore Harbor. The tunnel is 107ft below the harbor water's surface."

Frank quipped about the revelation:

Frank Caliendo [05:00]: "Lowest point in the show's history."

Viking Myth and Denise the Goat

The conversation shifted to Viking mythology:

Brady [05:00]: "The Vikings believed that in heaven there was a giant goat whose udders provided unlimited supply of beer. His name is Denise."

Frank humorously connected Denise to modern-day figures:

Frank Caliendo [05:23]: "She got pregnant fast... messing around with a publess neighbor."

Theft of Religious Paintings

Brady reported on a peculiar theft from St. Andrews church:

Brady [05:23]: "Police in the UK are investigating a theft from St. Andrews church... including one with the ten Commandments... no signs of forced entry."

Frank added a humorous twist:

Frank Caliendo [05:59]: "Jesus. Lord Jesus helped them out, then they floated out."

---

Wild World Segment: Iceberg Grounding and Macaroni Penguins

Brady introduced the Wild Wild World segment, discussing an iceberg stranded near South Georgia:

Brady [06:10]: "The world's largest iceberg has run aground in shallow waters off the remote British island of South Georgia. It's home to millions of penguins and seals."

Frank engaged with the story, personifying the affected penguins:

Frank Caliendo [06:36]: "Messing up the marching of those penguins, the macaroni penguins. Hey, how you doing?"

Their playful banter highlighted the absurdity of environmental challenges faced by wildlife.

---

Comedy Bits: "Moist Dolphins" and Fish Tank Stories

A recurring joke throughout the episode was the concept of "moist dolphins," sparking laughter and confusion among the hosts.

Frank Caliendo [11:58]: "Because when Brady says stuff like we had to moisten him, my brain just goes, God, a moist dolphin is just such a problem."

Brady delved into a personal anecdote involving a fish tank and the need to keep a dolphin moist:

Brady [21:07]: "If you have a knife to my. You're getting in trouble for attempted murder."

The exchange between Brady and Frank underscored the show's trademark blend of humor and quirky storytelling.

---

Video Reactions: Bizarre User-Submitted Clips

The hosts reviewed and reacted to bizarre videos submitted by listeners, including unconventional uses of food items and dangerous antics.

Frank Caliendo [30:25]: "That's not the tastiest pickle I ever..."

Brady Bogan [32:08]: "That's dumb, Brady. That is highly, highly dangerous. Not recommended by anyone."

The segment was a mix of shock and laughter, with the hosts humorously critiquing the content and offering their own exaggerated reactions.

---

Personal Stories and Behind-the-Scenes Banter

The episode featured candid conversations about personal mishaps and the challenges of maintaining composure amidst chaotic discussions.

Brady [16:00]: "Your brain had like, is anyone else following? I look at Bret halftime, I'm like, what's going on?"

Frank Caliendo [17:10]: "I get lost. Yeah, exactly that."

These moments highlighted the camaraderie among the hosts and their ability to find humor in confusion and disorganization.

---

Conclusion: Wrapping Up with Laughter and Anticipation

As the episode drew to a close, Brady reflected on the day's discussions:

Brady [27:35]: "Still weird, but okay."

Frank and the co-hosts shared final laughs over the day's stories, leaving listeners eagerly anticipating future episodes filled with humor, unexpected topics, and the ever-entertaining dynamic of Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

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Key Takeaways:

• Frank Caliendo's Presence: Frank's interactions added a fresh comedic perspective, especially his playful banter about "moist dolphins" and personal stories.
• Engaging News Segments: The blend of odd news stories kept the content lively and unpredictable.
• Interactive Segments: User-submitted videos and the Wild Wild World segment fostered listener engagement and provided varied content.
• Humorous Chemistry: The hosts' ability to navigate confusion and inject humor maintained an entertaining flow throughout the episode.

For more episodes and updates, tune in to 98 KUPD (97.9 FM), download the 98KUPD app, or visit www.98kupd.com. Available weekdays from 5:30 AM to 10:00 AM.

Transcript

[Dick Toledo]

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[Brady Bogan]

Still streaming Homberg's morning sickness online at 98kupd.com Frank Caliendo is joining us this morning, hanging out with us for a little bit. He's over at 10pm March 9. He's in Atlanta. March 8. If you're a truck driver, you can see that, too. It's at a Stuckies over there off the 10, I think, in Atlanta, right? Yeah, whatever. Do you know where you. Is it a convention center?

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah, no, it's. I'm. It's at. Where are the football players? Where's the football? Where's the.

[Brady Bogan]

At the stadium.

[Frank Caliendo]

I think it's in there. No, it's at the Cobb Energy, but it's in a small branch, flower branch or whatever ballroom type of things inside the. But March 9th is Sunday. This Sunday at the Tempe.

[Brady Bogan]

That's right. It's Sunday. Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

Just Sunday.

[Brady Bogan]

I thought it was Saturday.

[Frank Caliendo]

It was working Saturday. No, that's why I wanted to make sure people knew it was Sunday.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm not doing a good job because.

[Frank Caliendo]

I'm working it for the truckers on.

[Brady Bogan]

Saturday even like Jimmy Hoffa.

[Frank Caliendo]

And on Sunday, I'm working for you, the people, the people of the. All right.

[Brady Bogan]

Sunday you can go see Frank Sunday. All right, beautiful. Go to tempeimprov.com in the meantime, it's time to work for Brady. He's going to give us all the news that only he knows. And it's brought to you by our friends at All Pro Shade Concepts, Arizona's best patio shade. You got shade in your backyard, Frank?

[Frank Caliendo]

No, not enough. I need something.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

For real. Yeah. Brady did it.

[Frank Caliendo]

Who doesn't need shade in Arizona? Even if you have shade, you need more shade.

[Brady Bogan]

You're doing it. Yeah. It's like cowbell. It's more shade.

[Frank Caliendo]

Throw some shade here.

[Brady Bogan]

It's already starting to get hot. So get your estimate Today go to all pro shade concepts dot com. Get it rolling and have shade installed before summer hits. Like Frank said, you're in Arizona. You need shade. Brady reported.

[Brady]

Good Wednesday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello, world.

[Brady Bogan]

Hi.

[Brady]

Happy Ash Wednesday.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh, I take back everything I've said.

[Brady Bogan]

With the dirty heads.

[Frank Caliendo]

Today start your Tony reality is going to be on his canceled show.

[Brady Bogan]

Did that get canceled? Finally. Around the horn.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah, around the horns. Oh, it's ending in May.

[Brady Bogan]

How did that show last as long as it did?

[Frank Caliendo]

Beautiful people.

[Brady Bogan]

They were.

[Frank Caliendo]

No, not a single person on there because Tony Reali was the Jeff Goldblum of. Of sports tv.

[Brady Bogan]

I love it. Great. Bing ba bing ba bing, bing, bing, bing. Like this arbitrary scoring.

[Frank Caliendo]

Get nine points.

[Brady Bogan]

What do you think of Dante J. Adan would be like, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. How about you?

[Brady]

Woody Calashow.

[Brady Bogan]

Woody Page Calashow.

[Frank Caliendo]

I think it's because it's the same producer as PTI that they package them together.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, I see. Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

Because those shows aren't done in Bristol at the time. Those were the only shows not done in Bristol, I think.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, really?

[Frank Caliendo]

See or something.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, I know that. Yeah. Yeah. Ptis and. Yeah. How about that? Yeah. But Tony Real. That show drove me nuts. Oh, many times. What is ding ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Yeah. What about you, Kalashaw? And it was just the stupidest Four writers. And the last thing you want to ever do, by the way, is talk to newspaper reporters.

[Frank Caliendo]

Cheaper.

[Brady Bogan]

20, 25. They'll do anything. Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

Except for groom.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

Although there was a time where they. They used to go on and they were just their. Their newsroom selves. And then all of a sudden they had new teeth.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. And Woody Page.

[Frank Caliendo]

Woody Page.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't know what the hell happened to that guy. His whole body changed. And then he got sick.

[Frank Caliendo]

Shapeshift.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, he got more dings. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Looking sharp, Page.

[Frank Caliendo]

They should have not given him points. They should have given them money to use for their groomer.

[Brady Bogan]

Go get your hair done, Paige. Ding, ding. Great answer.

[Brady]

Couple of basic fun facts. The lowest point in the interstate highway system elevation wise is Fort McHenry Tunnel, which carries traffic on the I95 underneath Baltimore Harbor. The tunnel is 107ft below the harbor water's surface.

[Brady Bogan]

Had Brady not said elevation, would we have all assumed it would have just been the lowest point in road history? We're really not proud of this road at all.

[Frank Caliendo]

Lowest point in the show's history.

[Brady Bogan]

Yes. Yeah. Road depth. That's Flaming out right there.

[Ralphie]

Guys want to know where bad low roads are? I got answers. Baltimore.

[Brady]

The Vikings believed that in heaven there was a giant goat whose udders provided unlimited supply of beer.

[Brady Bogan]

His name is Denise. What? Your girl? Oh, no. I thought it was Diana Taurasi at first. They call her the goat now. Yeah, Denise the unlimited supply of goat milk. What happened to her? I guarantee you she got pregnant fast. Oh, yeah? In eighth grade. She was messing around with a publess neighbor. Imagine when she saw a real man.

[Brady]

Police in the UK are investigating a theft from St. Andrews church that happened last month. Three religious paintings were stolen, including the one with the ten Commandments said thou shalt not steal. The works also include one of the Lord's Prayer and the other ones. They're all in big heavy wooden frames and there is no signs of forced entry. Like, how do the people get in? And how do these things walk? Come out of there.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, sorry, yeah, I think. Did you say Jesus?

[Brady]

That's how they got in.

[Brady Bogan]

Jesus. Lord Jesus helped them out, then they floated out. No signs.

[Brady]

I got a couple of Wild Worlds stories.

[Brady Bogan]

All right, let me get you loaded.

[Brady]

Hello, my friends. Brady Bogan here with your Wild Wild World. The world's largest iceberg has run aground in shallow waters off the remote British island of South Georgia. And it's. This iceberg is home to millions of penguins and seals.

[Brady Bogan]

Aren't all icebergs kind of that? Not all of them. I guess the ones up north don't. Seals? Probably.

[Brady]

This one's the size of seals.

[Frank Caliendo]

Messing up the marching of those penguins, the macaroni penguins. Hey, how you doing?

[Brady Bogan]

What happened? We was moving along so good. Hey, somebody's gonna pay for this.

[Frank Caliendo]

Get in the bank.

[Brady Bogan]

Where were we going? You just hear that? It goes.

[Brady]

Oh, my arm.

[Brady Bogan]

That.

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh, the man's trying to eat. You know, it's funny, as an Italian, we do walk like penguins.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, yeah, you're very penguin like humans.

[Brady]

They say one of the benefits of this iceberg is the warmer temperature temperatures will melt parts of it which is loaded. The iceberg is loaded with nutrition, food, feed for the sea creatures. So they think there'll be an increase of population of sea creatures because the food is so abundant now.

[Frank Caliendo]

That's not what makes babies.

[Greg]

I'm the godfather of all the penguins. And we've. We've run ashore here. We've run aground. Little tiny macaroni penguins. You with the cheese. You with the crumbles. That's their names. Cheese and crumbles. Those little macaroni penguins.

[Brady]

There's the.

[Greg]

Why did we stop? What happened? Does anybody have an explanation? What did we hit?

[Brady]

Just kind of floated and hit. Hit shore.

[Greg]

Floating around. We hit. Fred. I don't like this at all. Frank. We gotta get our. We gotta get it together as little macaroni penguins. Let me walk and water over to you Frank and ask you a couple of questions. I was watching a movie. Everything stopped.

[Frank Caliendo]

Crumbles.

[Greg]

What do you think? Bacon bits. My little macaroni penguins.

[Brady]

Penguins and the linguine seals.

[Dick Toledo]

Lobster man.

[Brady Bogan]

Is that a thing or you just. You just started making. You started putting food in there. We were doing good with macaroni penguins. But you had to wreck it with those seals.

[Greg]

Why did you do that? So disappointed. And you're such a macaroni expert. You could have. You could have given so many more names. Toppings and things. You know.

[Brady]

Sorry. Godfather.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Greg]

Like little cream over here. Like heavy cream. Anyway. So never mind. Ready? Right there with the linguine thing.

[Brady Bogan]

But they're gonna. So it's just gonna sit there. Is it anything? Huh. There's not really that big deal.

[Brady]

Hang there for a while.

[Brady Bogan]

Icebergs. Do they go until they stop? Right. And that part of it.

[Brady]

That's the largest one though that stopped.

[Brady Bogan]

Or the largest one.

[Brady]

You're like land dead ahead.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't understand. So then penguins can get off. Yeah. Maybe.

[Frank Caliendo]

It's like a cruise ship pulling up at port.

[Brady Bogan]

Right. And the little faster pussycat. Penguins. Penguin life fell off the iceberg too soon. No it's not. It's faster pussycat. That's 35 years old at least. First time we've heard of them in 35 years.

[Brady]

So three fishermen in New Zealand went out fishing in a 16 foot boat and they're throwing their lines in. All of a sudden. What do they call them? A pod of dolphins started going by and one of them jumped up into the boat. 900 pound dolphin. 11ft long. Into the boat. A 16 foot boat.

[Frank Caliendo]

Trash.

[Brady Bogan]

He's good at that. Now Brady used to have whales were in a pod. They do. But I think maybe dolphins do too because they're mammals. Don't question this. This is one area Brady's good at.

[Brady]

It could have been a parliament. A dolphin.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't know. A murder of dolphins perhaps. I'm going to go with Brady on that. Check it out. I bet it's pod.

[Ralphie]

I think it was a gandalf. Wasn't it a Gandalf wizard?

[Brady Bogan]

Is it a macaroni of dolphins?

[Dick Toledo]

Perhaps they have a collective.

[Brady]

Collective?

[Brady Bogan]

It's a collective of dolphins. Brady's incorrect.

[Brady]

Cool.

[Greg]

Oh, man.

[Brady Bogan]

You can't cool your mistake.

[Ralphie]

Yeah, I knew that. Right.

[Brady]

So the. The dolphin.

[Brady Bogan]

Hey, nice job, Brady. Kalis Shaw, what do you think of Brady's mistakes?

[Brady]

They couldn't get the dolphin out because it's £900. So they went. It took one hour and went back to shore and they kept hosing the dolphin down with water to keep it moist and called the wildlife people over there to come over. And so they got the boat and they got the dolphin out of the boat. And then.

[Brady Bogan]

I like moist. I think a dolphin needs to be wet. I don't think moist is.

[Brady]

No, they had light.

[Brady Bogan]

Moist. We have to moisten the dolphin. It's like a phrase you would never hear.

[Brady]

Keep it moist.

[Ralphie]

You've got to moisten it or it's going to die.

[Frank Caliendo]

You got phrasing.

[Brady Bogan]

Moisten the moisten the dolphin's a great band name.

[Brady]

And before they set it free, the Maori tribe prayed over the dolphins.

[Ralphie]

Oh, my God, he's dry. And cracky like a black guy's elbows.

[Brady Bogan]

Moisten the dolphin.

[Ralphie]

He's getting ashy.

[Brady]

Who's got the moisture hose?

[Brady Bogan]

Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Ralphie]

I'd like a glass of moisture, please.

[Brady]

It's gonna take a little bit.

[Frank Caliendo]

That would bring tears to my eyes.

[Brady Bogan]

Because when Brady says stuff like we had to moisten him, my brain just goes, God, a moist dolphin is just such a problem. The dolphin died because he wasn't wet enough.

[Ralphie]

But he was moist.

[Brady]

You have to admit. You have to keep it moist.

[Ralphie]

Moistened him. He was humid. At the very least.

[Brady Bogan]

A dolphin in your boat and your goal is just keep it moist. We don't want him to have too much power.

[Brady]

I'm sitting on it.

[Ralphie]

It's working. More moistening. We just need to moisten to a certain level. You're going crazy. Don't make him all wet.

[Brady]

That's your wild wild world.

[Brady Bogan]

So stupid.

[Frank Caliendo]

Seem like you're wild wild water world.

[Brady Bogan]

Hey, we need that. Wild wild water world's a good idea.

[Brady]

A fire broke out at the T.W. garner Food Company in Winston Salem, North Carolina. They're the company that makes Texas peach hot sauce. Okay, it was a two alarm fire. It probably it's because it was so hot. Yeah, but damage the sauce.

[Brady Bogan]

Fireman come. All right, let's moisten this thing. They said that like a dolphin, like a dolphin, like a dolphin. I want this building as moist as a dolphin by the time we're done here. That fire's got no Chance. With all the moisture we provide.

[Brady]

The good news is the sauce does.

[Brady Bogan]

Not burn so healthy. The moisture we provide, we're like a vino.

[Ralphie]

You have it on stream.

[Frank Caliendo]

Put it on spray.

[Brady Bogan]

Spray, mist, mist, mess.

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh, my God.

[Ralphie]

You're gonna make a mess with all this water misting.

[Brady Bogan]

Just spray bottles.

[Ralphie]

You're missing it. You're missing it with the mist.

[Brady Bogan]

Brady, the insane fireman who hates things to get a little too.

[Ralphie]

You're overdoing it. You're flooding the place. You're flooding the place. Why? It's excessive.

[Brady]

I said.

[Frank Caliendo]

Boys, what are you doing?

[Ralphie]

We were told to conserve water.

[Brady Bogan]

It's the Greta Thunberg fire department.

[Ralphie]

She says not this. Just too. If there's water on the ground, we're done in puddles. We've overdone it. I can't listen to her again.

[Brady Bogan]

Moisten the fire, they said.

[Brady]

The good news is we must moisten them. None of the sauce dried up. It remained still.

[Brady Bogan]

Talking about that.

[Frank Caliendo]

Well, it's sauce.

[Brady Bogan]

Of course.

[Brady]

Yeah, the sauce.

[Greg]

Quiet down, Frank. Kelly. I know. Hot garbage. Don't listen to them. You keep getting that story about Frank. Hot sauce. That's good stuff. People need to know that's what they want. How you doing, Frank?

[Frank Caliendo]

Greg.

[Brady Bogan]

Greg.

[Greg]

All right, Doug.

[Frank Caliendo]

Ralphie.

[Greg]

All right. I'm a little moist, I'll tell you that. I can't help it with your £600. You moisten up. I want to hear more about Brady's hot sauce story. But you two knuckleheads wouldn't shut up about that stupid moist dolphin, which is a funny phrase, the moist dolphin. Sounds like a sex trick. Anyway, nice job, Brady. You keep that food.

[Brady]

Thanks, Ralphie.

[Greg]

See you later, guys. I've got it.

[Brady]

Finally, there's a skincare clinic that has created an online test which will calculate how your workday may be aging your skin. Because you want to keep your skin moist.

[Brady Bogan]

Absolutely.

[Brady]

It's a big based on aspects like shift patterns, regular hours, working locations, stress levels, physical activity. They say they base this calculator on actual scientific studies, but it's basically just a simple questionnaire where you're asked stuff like how long are you sitting in front of your computer? How many hours are you putting in? And you go to harleystreakskinclinic.com if you want to find out what's your. How ugly your job is making you.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay, I think this job's done a trick on me. In this whole room.

[Brady]

I don't.

[Frank Caliendo]

You get part of the way through a story. I don't know what you're talking about anymore.

[Brady Bogan]

Welcome to our world.

[Frank Caliendo]

But I don't every day. But here's the thing. I just keep listening and I don't.

[Brady]

Oh, you're comparisonal wise.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah. I don't know what it is.

[Brady Bogan]

It's cause you're playing clue is that you're listening. You're like there was some semblance of organization here and it fell apart and now I'm lost. Oops. And I've been thinking about how I'm lost. So I might have missed a middle. Then you pay attention harder to see if he gives you a clue to bring you home and you're wasting your time.

[Frank Caliendo]

I get lost. Yeah, exactly that. That's the path. There's a early on you say something. Did he just say that?

[Brady Bogan]

And your brain leaves and you go, oh, what the is going on?

[Dick Toledo]

You can't jump back in once you' no.

[Brady Bogan]

Brady's double Dutch.

[Frank Caliendo]

But it's the same story. It's just like he hasn't changed topics yet. It's the same story. Like I have to do this and listen in the car because I just have to feel like how many accidents are there daily on the towns.

[Brady Bogan]

Thousands.

[Frank Caliendo]

During that segment.

[Brady Bogan]

Yes, A lot. A lot.

[Frank Caliendo]

Elon is going to check into it. We're going to, we're going. Doge is going to the Dodge.

[Brady Bogan]

Doge. Yeah. It's very much a pattern of when a story goes off the rails, it goes off in front of you. Yeah. And you wonder was that me or him? And by the time that sentence to myself. Yep.

[Frank Caliendo]

But I also looked around the room to see who else was paying attention and it was 50. 50.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, I, I saw your face go. I was looking at an email. I was still listening to Brady. I saw your face look at me. And at the same time we both went, we both chuckled because I knew exactly where your brain had like, is anyone else following? I look at Brett half time, I'm like, what's going on?

[Frank Caliendo]

It was Biden and the teleprompter wasn't moving. Teleprompter froze on my emails.

[Brady]

Maybe we should change this up.

[Brady Bogan]

No.

[Brady]

Maybe we should get some new.

[Brady Bogan]

No, Brady, don't get mad.

[Dick Toledo]

There's no correcting it.

[Frank Caliendo]

It's what makes you great.

[Brady]

You know why it was this way today?

[Brady Bogan]

Yes, it is. It's always been this way.

[Brady]

No, no, no. There's some days.

[Brady Bogan]

Look. Yes.

[Brady]

We're about to play a week of this. We're about to play a week of this from 20 years.

[Brady Bogan]

There are most definitely some days. But let's not start that. You were, you know, Edward R. Murrow in the beginning. This has been a fairly consistent ver. You have been very consistent.

[Frank Caliendo]

You took it wrong. I'm taking it as. That's incredible that you can do that.

[Brady Bogan]

No, it's not. No, don't play, Tatum. He's not doing anything intentional.

[Frank Caliendo]

That's exactly what I mean. That is Dennis Miller talking about Jerry Lewis. Like, he makes me laugh when he's trying to be funny. It's the worst in the world.

[Brady Bogan]

Right?

[Frank Caliendo]

He's just being. Being serious.

[Brady Bogan]

His oblivious nature to his delivery is what makes that whole thing so good. Yeah. And makes our job harder to try to realize.

[Dick Toledo]

Angry at us.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. And then he gets mad when you.

[Frank Caliendo]

Say nobody understood Brady being truthful. There's nothing better than it.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, no, no. It's for sure.

[Frank Caliendo]

There's nothing better than Brady being truthful. I'm not trying to cover this up. This is 100% an observation I made while you were doing your story. And I don't know about what it was, but this is where my mind.

[Brady Bogan]

And I don't know if in that story. This is the brilliance of Brady. I'm glad you're here for this, Brady. Thank you. I don't. I would very seriously doubt in that dolphin story, the word moist is printed on that page. That was from him and him only. Yeah. And that was the glory of the word that he chose to use, being only one he would use. No one else would say moist.

[Dick Toledo]

And the dolphin guy says, gentlemen, I've been in the market for a bar. Thank you for giving me my bar.

[Brady Bogan]

The Moist Dolphin. The Moist Dolphin.

[Dick Toledo]

It may turn out to be a.

[Brady Bogan]

Gay bar, he says, but I love the name. No, that would be the Brown Dolphin. Eventually, that's what a moist dolphin turns into at a gay bar. I'm just saying.

[Ralphie]

I'm just saying.

[Dick Toledo]

Frank, let me help you out. It's the Brady Report. Also known as Arizona Loses Its Mind. Also known as Arizona Bonds.

[Brady Bogan]

Together. Yeah. We all have. Democrat, Republican, everything else. Guys, we all survived another Brady Report. We're doing. We're okay.

[Ralphie]

I like to teach.

[Brady]

It's one of a kind. I'll tell you.

[Brady Bogan]

It is one of a kind.

[Frank Caliendo]

Harmony. I'd like to.

[Ralphie]

By design.

[Brady Bogan]

And that's the other thing. Like, I'm surprised you didn't do that today.

[Ralphie]

A pot of dolphins.

[Brady Bogan]

And then you're like, no, it's actually a. Whatever it is. And then he.

[Brady]

That's why I hesitated, because I Couldn't remember.

[Brady Bogan]

Right. But you said it and you put your feet in and you said, I potted dolphins. I even defended you. You're pretty good at that. And normally when you correct him, he'll go. Right. Even if he's the one that brought you the wrong thing.

[Frank Caliendo]

Right.

[Brady Bogan]

You're a great guest. Thanks for popping in, Brady.

[Brady]

It's, you know, it's good. That can tell. You know, I said the pot of dolphins, but we got fact checkers. I can see.

[Brady Bogan]

Don't you sound mad about this pot.

[Dick Toledo]

Is actually still correct too.

[Brady Bogan]

There's a bunch of. There's two or three pots. See? Yeah, that's fine. I would never question Brady on his knowledge of fish, you know. Right.

[Brady]

But I learned collecting.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Is it a fish?

[Brady Bogan]

No, no, it's a mammal.

[Frank Caliendo]

But no, it's a sandwich.

[Brady Bogan]

Sea creatures and Brady have a bond.

[Frank Caliendo]

Was that the fish tank story from you?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. He's jerked off to a fish tank. That was a little bit ago.

[Ralphie]

Ronnie caught me.

[Frank Caliendo]

That was one that was. And again, that was in Guadalupe.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. In only Brady's world. Does anyone lay down landing pads for your masturbation? He's the only one I've ever known that put down a pee pad. Yeah. It's thoughtful. Maybe had to hit the spot.

[Ralphie]

Do I have any puppy pads?

[Brady Bogan]

We don't have any puppies.

[Ralphie]

I didn't ask that. Do we have puppy pads or not? I gotta lay something down. X marks the spot.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm right on the couch. Cushioned edge. You know, I've never asked you. That was a. That. That's not the first time you ever did that. That was probably how you started as a kid.

[Brady]

No, the only reason. The only reason I did it like that, which I didn't even got started. You know, she just came in and there they were.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay. It doesn't matter. You had all the intention in the way.

[Brady]

I had it set up because I wanted to in case she comes walking around the corner. The fish tank. The other side of the wall.

[Brady Bogan]

If you have a knife to my. You're getting in trouble for attempted murder.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

You didn't commit the crime, but you were going to have someone that walked in.

[Brady]

But the design was I was putting that down there because I could see through the fish tank. If she were to wake up and come around, then, you know, gives me a warning sign that it won't get busted.

[Brady Bogan]

On the edge of the couch.

[Brady]

No, that was there. Just be again, setting up just in case.

[Brady Bogan]

I understand that.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

Setting up. That's what I'm talking about.

[Dick Toledo]

Yes.

[Brady Bogan]

Holg's morning sickness.

[Brady]

Make sure I can see. You know, like if I get busted. How in the world is very embarrassing.

[Brady Bogan]

It's more embarrassing to have napkins.

[Brady]

Yeah, it did work. It was more embarrassing to get caught.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, but that's what I'm asking you. Was the napkin corner of the couch thing the norm?

[Brady]

No.

[Brady Bogan]

That was the first time you ever did that. You were gonna. You looked at the first time I.

[Brady]

Was up a little time to ever say, hey, why don't you change it? You know, basically because it was before.

[Brady Bogan]

We were getting married. So you were beaten off. But you.

[Brady]

Well, there. There was nothing going on for. You know.

[Brady Bogan]

I get that. But your end goal here was to finish on the arm of the couch.

[Brady]

No, I was gonna go onto the couch.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, you're gonna just lay it under the cushion.

[Brady]

I was.

[Brady Bogan]

I know I didn't finish.

[Brady]

No, no, but I'm saying I was just setting up. So when she came around the corner, there they were.

[Brady Bogan]

Right. I don't care about that. I'm saying up she not been.

[Brady]

I wasn't going to throw it on the arm of the couch.

[Brady Bogan]

No, but. No, you're going to put it on cushions on the arm of the couch.

[Brady]

No.

[Brady Bogan]

Or on a napkin.

[Brady]

I was going to get on the couch and lay. And lay down on the couch, but I didn't get that far.

[Brady Bogan]

But why did you lay down napkins?

[Brady]

Because that's where I didn't want to knock them overshot. That was the best place I thought to put them.

[Ralphie]

I just read a.

[Brady Bogan]

That was reached cleaner. Yes. You brought that drop cloth. So did I.

[Frank Caliendo]

So, yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Thought he was going to paint the room.

[Frank Caliendo]

I thought it was Hansel and Gretel.

[Brady Bogan]

What if they left that behind and that's how they got caught? Okay, now it makes a little less sense somehow. Less is that you put that down for like you'd laid out towels for the next time you were going to.

[Brady]

The pool for clean up.

[Brady Bogan]

Right. So you had on the arm of the couch, couple of napkins. Then you were going to sprawl out on the couch. Yep. Hammer.

[Brady]

And then I could reach afterwards.

[Brady Bogan]

Hammer on. And then reach over your head.

[Brady]

Drop cloth.

[Brady Bogan]

And then. And dry off your tummy. Yeah, like an otter. That just gets a little more sense. Now.

[Brady]

That's my abalone.

[Ralphie]

Have a hamster habit trail.

[Brady Bogan]

So what had happened was she comes around the corner, you've got some pads laid out, your pants are half off or unzipped. At the very least, you're about to lay down.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay. I thought you were just standing there staring at the fish tank. The story's changed. Yeah, me too. And I.

[Ralphie]

Look how moist they are.

[Brady]

Fish.

[Ralphie]

He's so moist in there.

[Dick Toledo]

He needs about to be in repose.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. Okay. Okay. Still weird, but okay. And I just don't understand the middle of the room thing with someone home. I mean, you are. You are playing with fire right there.

[Ralphie]

I'll just go out here in the biggest room in the house. The center of.

[Brady]

Wasn't this center. The couch was.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay. You know what I mean?

[Frank Caliendo]

She set it up like a sitcom, facing the camera.

[Brady Bogan]

Once the door opened. Nobody ever closed the goddamn door in a sitcom. But that was the dangerous thing. It was the main room of the house.

[Brady]

It was the main TV room.

[Frank Caliendo]

Mr. Frankly came over.

[Brady Bogan]

What's going on here? What are you doing? Oh, Mr. Furley, I. You're about to beat off on the couch. Remember that?

[Brady]

The main room that you're talking about. Yeah. Is 10 by 10.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

This is the old house.

[Greg]

It doesn't matter.

[Brady Bogan]

Give me the. I'm not gonna build it.

[Brady]

I'm just saying, like, I center punched this giant room. I'm like.

[Frank Caliendo]

No, but you're in the.

[Brady Bogan]

You're in the main room of the house.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

When someone's home.

[Dick Toledo]

I think I'd been picturing your Gilbert house, which is.

[Brady]

No, it's the back. It's the back room. The. The TV room was a bedroom at one time because there's a bathroom next to it.

[Brady Bogan]

The house was in the middle of the main room.

[Brady]

No, it was on the side of the wall, but it was like a.

[Brady Bogan]

900 square foot house.

[Brady]

She walks down the bedroom, and then there's the fish tank that's on each side.

[Brady Bogan]

Right. And then there's a nice TV room of the living. Family room was the only one in the whole thing. And that's the one you had to pass. It's the main room of the house.

[Dick Toledo]

Take notes.

[Brady Bogan]

It's this. It's the center of the home.

[Frank Caliendo]

All I know is I should have been in here with Cato Kalin. Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

You're worried about yesterday.

[Brady Bogan]

Do you have videos, Brady, of that? I.

[Brady]

No.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay, you don't have any today. We got a couple others. All right. What a story.

[Brady]

We cleared some things up today.

[Brady Bogan]

Learn more every time, but it's always convoluted. Like Frank said, it took a lot of extra. He's a word problem. There's a lot of extra stuff that doesn't really matter. The shadow of the tree doesn't really matter.

[Frank Caliendo]

This is where they got the idea for severance. Was that the fertility clinic? No, it was an aquarium.

[Ralphie]

It was the best way to not get caught. And also, it's not in the middle.

[Brady Bogan]

Of the room, like. All right. Jesus Christ. Some of these details will not matter in the end. I still know how laying down pads keeps it from you getting caught, but I get you now, Brady B.

[Frank Caliendo]

Thank you.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Brady]

First video is a little scooter problem.

[Brady Bogan]

It's a cruddy nation. The language is wrong on the video.

[Brady]

Clip by the car here.

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh.

[Brady]

Guy falls over, picks it up, starts speeding off.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, and he just rides off in another. So he gets. He bumps into a car that kind of cuts him off. Falls over on the scooter, gets his scooter back up. Hey, jerk. Oh, he didn't get back on it. He hit the throttle while he's holding it, and it ran away from him and he held on right there. He's still. Yeah, that's not good.

[Dick Toledo]

Is it the same car? I think it's the same car that hits him both times.

[Brady]

Circle back around.

[Brady Bogan]

Is it the same?

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, no, it's not.

[Brady Bogan]

Same make. Yeah, well, they're only allowed one car in China.

[Brady]

All right, next one's knockout of the day.

[Brady Bogan]

It's boxing. Just straight or is it. Oh, kickboxing. Roundhouse kick to the face. He's out cold.

[Brady]

Wow.

[Brady Bogan]

It's the same country. It actually would be ironic if it was the same bear. Just got off that scooter. He's having a rough weekend. Wow. You can make it better. Sunday night at 10:00pm Prep with Frank.

[Brady]

The last one, Muppet Man.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, no. All right. Oh, he's got no teeth. No. Oh, he tried to kill himself.

[Doug]

Because I get a few messages for us there like this, and I feel like this is an important topic to touch on. I get a lot of people, his nose is gone. They've got issues they want to talk about. They're going through a lot of hurt. And they'll say things along the line of, hey, I keep going through this, this, and this. Or, I've gone through this, what used.

[Dick Toledo]

To be his nose.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Doug]

And, guys, just let me stop you there, all right?

[Frank Caliendo]

What did he do?

[Brady Bogan]

Did he try to kill himself at one point with a shotgun and miss. Blew front of his face off? That's what I'd think. That is rough to watch. And that is. Brady's current Instagram feed is filled with deformities and strange people. That's A weird one that looks like. Like you try to make a person out of Silly Putty or something. I don't know. What is it the Gary Gnu. What's the one that had kind of the. It wasn't Gary Gnu who had the puffy face. It's very Muffin Smiley. No, Guy Smiley was very flat faced and handsome. And handsome. Yeah. Guy Smiley was good looking.

[Brady]

Cover that eye because it's.

[Frank Caliendo]

No news is good news.

[Brady Bogan]

All right, now get ready because here's Brett's videos. These are. Yeah, here we go. And Brett's smiling, which is a good thing. Frank, sit through this and enjoy it. This is. You should have been here with Cato this year.

[Ralphie]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

We'll start with this one since. All right, this one's for our guest, Frank Caliano Tempe improv Sunday night, 10pmprev.com if you're interested in heading over, here's somebody with. Oh. Since Brady loves vegetables so much. Somebody with a pair of gloves on and they're reaching into the bottom of another human being who seems to be in great agony. She has put a moisture corn cob. What is this?

[Dick Toledo]

It could be a dolphin. Broccoli. I'm guessing Broccoli.

[Brady Bogan]

Zucchini. Name that.

[Greg]

Zucchini.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, I'm gonna say I'm sticking with broccoli.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, it's drippy, weird broccoli. I think it's a cucumber. That's been in there for a while. Oh, and it is. It has been in there for a while. It's big. Oh, it's all out now. Is that the only one? It has softened.

[Frank Caliendo]

That's not the tastiest pickle I ever.

[Brady]

Snap.

[Brady Bogan]

Like he pops his head out. I bet you take a bite of it. It's still pretty fresh to go with this one. Oh, God. All right, here's a lady. Okay. There's a guy putting his fit. It's a gynecology thing for Mick Jagger's wife. She's enjoying it, though. All right, These guys. That is the biggest one I've ever seen. Good Lord. It looks like that guy's face in the first video. Oh, now you start. They just punched it with the other hand.

[Frank Caliendo]

Mike Tyson's punch in.

[Brady]

Wow.

[Brady Bogan]

That's Glass Joe's vagina. I think it took a beating. Didn't fight back once. And hey, Brett, will you go back to that again and get to the second punch and just listen to that?

[Frank Caliendo]

That.

[Brady Bogan]

Let's just have. Let's just do the audio of that real quick. Just about halfway through when he. When he throws his other. And he's not done. He took him. That second punch is pretty quick.

[Frank Caliendo]

That's like some type of globular creature in a superhero movie that absorbs your punch.

[Brady Bogan]

It's a Marvel vagina.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah. And we'll just.

[Brady Bogan]

That was weird. We'll just end with this one. All right. Oh, Jesus. Everybody's pants are off today. All right, here we go. But wait, there's pile. That's. There's some. Oh, he's putting a butcher knife handle into his butt. The handle's in. Oh, God.

[Frank Caliendo]

He's going all the way.

[Brady Bogan]

Blade in. That's just bladed. That is dumb, Brady. That is highly, highly dangerous. Not recommended by anyone. You're right. Brady's assessment of this being dumb is accurate. He's got a full 6, 7 inch kitchen knife in his butt. Handle first. And he's shoved it in almost to the tip. It's still going in. Oh, my God. Oh, he took it out. No damage. Except for what was already there.

[Frank Caliendo]

That hit my gag refund.

[Brady Bogan]

Did it get you? I've only had it happen a couple of times.

[Brady]

Oh, get back to the pickle.

[Brady Bogan]

Man. Oh, man. Yeah, that's tough. People do that, Frank. They're city you go to. Probably in Atlanta. Somebody will be doing that when you're there Saturday. Somebody doing it here today.

[Frank Caliendo]

I'm in my hotel room by myself and the guy.

[Brady Bogan]

And the guy that was in there before you. Probably shoving Ginsu up his ass.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah, man, I hope so.

[Brady Bogan]

Great job. Wish we had that for Kato yesterday. Yeah, the knife stuff.

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh, he'd love it.

[Brady Bogan]

He loves knife jokes. And that's the worst thing you can do with a knife, Cato. You know what? Brady's right. That's dumb.

[Ralphie]

I'm telling you right now, that's dumb.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm gonna shove this knife in my ass. Dumb.

[Ralphie]

So dumb.

[Brady Bogan]

There you go, everybody. My goodness. That's your Brady report fully assessed by Frank Caliendo. It's 98, Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect.