03-05-26 - BR - THU - Fun Facts And Largest Sand Castle - 3D Printed Houses In Cali Claim To Be Bulletproof - Food News On Chic Fil A Fries - Bret Video Of SawsAll Sex Act w/A Future Granny

Summary

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Holmberg’s Morning Sickness - Detailed Episode Summary

Podcast: Holmberg's Morning Sickness (98KUPD, Arizona)
Date: March 5, 2026
Episode: Fun Facts, Bulletproof 3D Houses, Food News, and Wild Videos
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Emily, Cody, Dick Toledo (Producer), Guest/Tech Expert

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Episode Overview

This episode is a classic, irreverent Thursday morning blend of bizarre news stories, food-related updates, pop culture commentary, and signature “Brady Report” fun facts. The crew dives into everything from the largest sand castle in the world and 3D-printed, allegedly bulletproof homes in California, to the return of Chick-fil-A's original fries. As always, it’s laced with raunchy jokes, listener banter, and outrageous “Brett’s videos”—with plenty of laugh-out-loud, sometimes shocking, moments.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

War Coverage Satire & Passive-Aggressive Media Commentary (00:50-02:05)

• John Holmberg takes aim at cable news’ “war cams”:
  • “They just cut to it live. Live. … Let’s take a look at Tel Aviv. Anything? Nothing. All right, never mind.”
• He likens it to voyeuristic, ‘90s-era Jenny Cam—mocking the media’s anticipation of violence rather than genuine informational value.

Concert Ticket Craze: Metallica at The Sphere (02:06-04:32)

• Holmberg announces a ticket giveaway for Metallica’s first shows at the Las Vegas Sphere, noting the resale market and fan club exclusivity:
  • “The aftermarket for the shows you’re going to get tickets for are going to be ridiculous if they’re allowed to do it because Metallica makes it so it’s very difficult to resell their stuff.”

Brady Report: Playful Fun Facts & Global Oddities (04:33-11:07)

Notable Fun Facts:

• Largest sandcastle: 69 ft high, built in Denmark, 2021. Spawns sand-people jokes and irreverent “Cody” impressions (05:00).
• Canadian term for bunny groups: “fluffle” (06:19).
• Male goats urinate on their own faces to attract females—leading to typical Brady ribbing (06:49).
• Only 4% of babies are born on their due date, prompting comparisons to weathermen predictions (07:02).

Lighthearted Debates: Airplane Seating & Soccer Moms (08:26-09:12)

• “Seat divorce” explained as couples refusing middle seats, preferring aisles and windows—leads to jokes about relationship travel catastrophes.

News Highlights & Playful Roasting

• Spanish taxi driver punches an unruly Irish tourist (09:16), sparking stories about bar fights, legal consequences, and the surprising endurance of some “Micks.”

Mini Spheres, Construction Economics, and Pop Venue Logic (10:03-11:46)

• Nashville eyeing its own, smaller Sphere venue compared to Vegas's iconic location:
  • “You’re not going lil Sphere if big sphere exists. … If you do end up in little sphere, you’re like, man, now I really want to see big sphere.” (10:38, John)

Tech & Home Trends: 3D-Printed, Bulletproof Homes (12:59-18:03)

• Yuba County, CA: 3D printed homes are claimed as “bulletproof”—the group vigorously debates the logic and effectiveness:
  • “Walls are bulletproof.” (13:46, Emily)
  • “Is telling people your house is bulletproof just encourage people to prove it?” (15:31, John)
• Brick house bullet resistance is hotly contested, referencing Mythbusters and police anecdotes.
  • “My house is brick. … It’s bulletproof, right?” (16:31, John)
  • “Careful with bricks are not bulletproof. I’ve tried it.” (17:42, Brett reading listener message)
• Deep dive into brick vs 3D printed material resistance against AR-15s, AK47s, and handguns, quoting Gemini and the Sonoran Desert Institute (21:37, 29:06).

Food News: Chick-fil-A Waffle Fries Return to Original Recipe (24:11-25:17)

• News that Chick-fil-A returns to pea starch in their fries brings out comic “fat detective” riffs:
  • “Fats figure it out. What’s different in Chick-fil-A? They put on Sherlock Holmes hats...” (24:41, Ralphie May/John)
  • “It’s the only time us fats get active. Chick-fil-A changed up their recipe, suddenly I want to run.” (25:03, Ralphie May)

Pop Culture & Collectible Rarities (25:38-27:41)

• A silver medal from 1896 Olympics sells for $179,000 at auction—panel speculates on valuation and the abundance of preserved medals.
• Antiques Roadshow lesson: commonality reduces value, illustrated with Cy Young autograph story.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On war coverage:
  “Let’s take a look at Tel Aviv. Anything? Nothing. All right, never mind.” (01:13, John)

• On “bulletproof houses”:
  “Is telling people your house is bulletproof just encourage people to prove it?” (15:31, John)

• On Fat Food Super-Detectives:
  “Fats figure it out. What’s different in Chick-fil-A? … It’s the only time us fats get active.” (24:41-25:03, Ralphie May/John)

• On Nashville's “mini Sphere”:
  “You’re not going lil Sphere if big sphere exists.” (10:38, John)

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Brett’s Videos Watchalong (30:30-41:04)

Highlights:

• Hillbilly Fight (30:30): Mom drops baby to fight another woman. “The baby’s crying. Mama’s fighting again. That’s not news.” (30:43, John)
• Destruction & War Footage (31:32): Torpedo footage of the Iranian warship Soleimani sparks debate over war video authenticity and “rooting for the home team.”
  • “All I want is a bunch of … look at him, Brady, they’re all falling out. Iranians everywhere. I love it.” (33:24, John)
• Shocking/Absurd Adult Content (37:04-41:04):
  • Body-painted woman drinks from dog bowl, receives high heel “accessory”—crowd stunned.
  • Woman “gives birth” to a soccer ball—equally bewildering.
  • Sawzall sex swing act: “That’s gonna be somebody’s grandma someday.” (39:31, John)
    The group riffs as “Grandma Character” on the woman’s imagined future family, turning the scene into a recurring joke about regrettable life stories.

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Closing Segment

• “Word of the day” for ticket giveaways is Magnetic (42:22).
• Full circle jokes about future grandmas and the unpredictable family histories behind today’s viral videos.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• War Cam Satire: 00:50-02:05
• Brady Report & Fun Facts: 04:33-11:07
• 3D Printed, Bulletproof Houses: 12:59-18:03
• Chick-fil-A Fries News: 24:11-25:17
• Olympic Medal Auction: 25:38-27:41
• Bulletproof House Debate (deep dive): 21:37-29:06
• Brett’s Videos (Hillbilly Fight): 30:30-31:15
• Torpedo Video, War Footage: 31:32-33:44
• Shocking Party Video & Grandma Jokes: 37:04-42:22

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Tone & Signature Style

Irreverent, quick-witted, and unfiltered, this episode embodies the show’s signature Arizona “guy humor”—jumping seamlessly from technology, local satire, and food debates to delightfully profane “video reviews” and running jokes (“that’s somebody’s grandma!”). The banter is equal parts informed, snarky, and totally boundary-pushing.

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For the Uninitiated

Holmberg’s Morning Sickness remains a must-listen for fans of morning radio that isn’t afraid to offend or amuse at the highest—and lowest—levels. This episode is rich in random facts, Arizona flavor, and jaw-dropping audio-visual moments. If you missed it, the summary above means you didn’t have to hear about the Sawzall grandma yourself (but you probably wish you had).

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Transcript

[John Holmberg]

Hey, it's John Holmberg here from the morning Cygnus. And I'm absolutely thrilled to tell you about my [e-mail] youm've heard me mention Kevin Costner, Trey McBride, other countless celebrities and pro athletes and how they chose lifted trucks. But that doesn't mean it's only for actors and pro athletes. It's for all of you. Everybody who loves a cool adventure. So if you're a huge celebrity like me or just an average Joe who wants the best truck available, head on over to Lifted Trucks. They live up to being the number one custom truck dealer for over 30 years. 10,000 five star reviews can't be wrong. Liftedtrucks.com, work hard, play hard, drive harder. Sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. Here's the eight o' clock word. Magnetic. It's actually 801 magnetic.

[Brett]

You started it at eight, so.

[John Holmberg]

Nah, my clock. You're right, it's eight o'. Clock. Mine too. Hey, how come. Oh, God, the other thing about war. You know what I. You know my favorite part of the passive aggressive nature of people who act like they care that people are gonna die. Msnbc, cnn, Fox News Nation, BBC all have a camera perched high atop one of the buildings in Tel Aviv that they just cut to live every once in a while in case those cameras they, they flip them on like it's Jenny Cam from the late 90s. Like, let's see what she's up to. They just. Let's take a look at Tel Aviv. Anything? Nothing. All right, never mind. The only reason they like that camera is because some rogue thing might come blow something up. It is. And they got. They cut to it live. Live. It's. It's Big Brother overnight on Showtime. Let's just take a look at the camera and see if anybody in Tel Aviv is going to be awakened by a massive explosion.

[Cody]

We were there.

[John Holmberg]

Hundreds. We saw it. Our camera caught the best angle. And you got to pick which building you put your. You perch it on. They all have a different perch. They all climb to the top of some building in Tel Aviv and put a camera up there and just say turn this thing on and leave it on 24 hours.

[Brady]

War.

[John Holmberg]

What a great show. Eight o' clock magnetic. That's the word you want to put in there for the disappear to the disappear to the Sphere contest. We got Metallica is going to be there October 1st and October 3rd and we're going to give you tickets to Both of those shows. So you can take two friends, thousands of dollars worth of tickets. I mean, the price of these things are through the roof first. First two shows are sold out completely, I hear.

[Brett]

I would imagine.

[Emily]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

With just the. Well, at least just what they had available so far. And then it opens to the public, I think this week. Right. This was just fan club and special engagement people think so, yeah.

[Brett]

But there can't be much left.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, I wouldn't think they clobbered the opening days. Ah, amazing. And I'm sure they've got a bunch set aside for actual day of sales, but those will go in seconds. And then the aftermarket for the shows you're going to get tickets for are going to be ridiculous if they're allowed to do it because Metallica makes it so it's very difficult to resell their stuff. God forbid you make any money off the things you purchased. But we'll see. We'll get you up there. That way you don't have to worry about it. And you can have a blast in Vegas, courtesy of your friends here at 98KUPD and your friends in that band called Metallica. Pretty neat. It's 8:04. Let's get to it. Brady's got all the news that only Brady knows. We call it the Brady Report. It is brought to you by our [e-mail] All Pro shades ready to go. Get your house. A little outdoor living space that currently doesn't exist. Everybody's house has a spot where you could get a shade out there and go, this is a great spot to sit. And also it doesn't have to be attached to your house. They can build you something right outside the house by the pool or put some shades. I saw the commercial online. They have a thing off of somebody's like pool shed and I've got one of those. And they built these glorious shades off of that. Put them down. I'm like, they made like an outdoor room off of a storage facility. It's like a, like a 12 or 15 foot long thing right at the edge of the pool.

[Ralphie May]

I'm like, that's fantastic.

[John Holmberg]

Thinking about maybe popping those up at my place. Awesome stuff and all. Pro shade. They'll come out and design something for you. They give you a free estimate, free installation. They've been at this for over 20 years because they are simply the best at it. Quality merchandise. They make everything look like it belongs. You'll be happy and you'll have something that all real estate agents say is the New thing. When you're looking for a house, you're trying to sell yours little outdoor living space. That looks the part. Make it perfect. Allproche.com they'll take care of you, Brady reported.

[Emily]

Good Thursday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello, world.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

Hi.

[Emily]

Happy National Cheese Doodle Day. Yeah, a couple of baseless fun facts.

[John Holmberg]

Nothing else. Cheese doodle ruse the day that's there.

[Emily]

Yeah, yeah, I'm sure there's another one.

[John Holmberg]

Well, don't say that.

[Emily]

It didn't pop up on any of my other.

[John Holmberg]

Then you're not sure. Yeah, it's unsure. That is the definition of unsure. There we go.

[Emily]

A couple of basis fun facts. The largest sandcastle in the world measured more than 69ft high.

[Cody]

And we blew it up. It was amazing. We were over there in the sand people country and we said, you know what? That's a big sandcastle. It's called Tehran. And we killed everyone inside of it. And if anybody's left, we'll kill them, too. It's great being president right now.

[Emily]

It was constructed in Denmark in 2021

[Cody]

and then moved to where the sand people live. Brady. The little sand people of Iran. And here's some footage I have of a bomb that they let me touch the button, which was really cool. I don't know if you've ever blown up Iranians, but I highly recommend it. It's a beautiful thing. And I sat there and I said, which button does it? Which button blows up all the sand people? And they said, this one right here, sir. And I said, I don't know if I want to do this. And then I hit the button and I heard them running. Little sand people running all over. Look at them go.

[Emily]

Little.

[John Holmberg]

Little jawas.

[Ralphie May]

Jawas.

[Cody]

Brett blew up a lot of jawas this weekend. Brady, did you see the little heat signature jawas? I was expl. One after another.

[Emily]

Eyes glow.

[Cody]

It's a constant sound down there right now in Iran, blowing up Iranian jawas. Those sang the sand guys dying by the hundreds. You're welcome.

[Emily]

A group of bunnies is called a herd. But in some parts of Canada,

[John Holmberg]

they

[Emily]

call it a fluffle.

[John Holmberg]

It's Canada.

[Emily]

Seems a little more fitting.

[John Holmberg]

Does it?

[Cody]

I guess if you're a homosexual, that works for you. Like a Canadian gay. Like a big maple syrup sucker. Like Trudeau. Black face, Katy Perry beard, SAP sucker. And by SAP, of course, I mean

[Emily]

male goats will pee on their own faces to attract females for mating.

[John Holmberg]

And Brady eats those. Brady wanders into restaurants that serve goat, knowing that they piss on their own faces.

[Emily]

Babies born on their due date just 4% of the time.

[John Holmberg]

Bad Thriller Took that to a new level, though.

[Brett]

So doctors like weatherman.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

You know, maybe next week, maybe not.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't know. Give it a shot. Mine was off by almost two full months. Man. That was 4%.

[Emily]

Has to be like C section.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, you're. It's roulette.

[Emily]

Like, we're gonna do it now.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but I mean, it's really. Well, no, that wouldn't count. If they gave you a due date and they cut it out. They can't say that they were right because then they just do that every time they boost numbers. But it's like roulette.

[Emily]

You.

[John Holmberg]

You put it. You don't put it directly on there. I mean, put it on the corner or on the line and hedge your bets. If they're within three or four days, it's pretty good.

[Emily]

An online betting site looked at the top states where you have the highest odds of being a soccer mom.

[John Holmberg]

Here's got to be up there because the weather.

[Emily]

I thought we would be up there. Here. The top five states. Number five in Nebraska. Number four, Mississippi. Number three, North Dakota. Two Wyoming.

[John Holmberg]

So cold places.

[Emily]

Number one, Texas.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Texas makes sense because it's the

[Emily]

highest youth sports participation rate in the nation.

[Brett]

I was thinking Salt Lake.

[John Holmberg]

That's a good one. Yeah.

[Emily]

I like this term, this airline terms called seat divorce.

[John Holmberg]

You don't sit with her. Yeah, yeah. I'm not.

[Emily]

Because no one wants the middle seat.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I thought it was. You don't want to sit with your wife.

[Emily]

That's basically what it is. Your wife are traveling and you don't want the middle seat. So you pick, you know, aisles or windows.

[Brett]

That's what I'm saying. When she told everybody to go after themselves.

[Emily]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

She told everyone on the plane to f themselves because we couldn't share seats. I had to sit behind her.

[Emily]

We take a row.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah. There's three of you.

[Emily]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You never travel, just the two of you? No, Kirby. No, never. Kirby's always tagging along. What a tragedy. Yeah, that sucks sea blocker. Oh, Ronnie. Is that because of Caitlin?

[Talkspace Announcer]

Kirby.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[Emily]

We have a Spanish taxi driver that's in trouble. He picked up two drunk Irish tourists. Give him a ride. They were burping in his car. Knock it off. Told him to get out. They didn't. Well, he punched the one Irish drunk, and the guy fell, hit the curb.

[John Holmberg]

He's dead.

[Emily]

Broke his head open. He lived.

[Brady]

Oh.

[Emily]

But they had to go to the Hospital and get stitches. Now this guy's got two felonies.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

The Mick had saved his life.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. My dad's co worker years ago, got into a bar fight, slugged a guy and he fell down and hit his head on a curb and died. Just a street fight. My dad's buddy was on trial for 25 years. He was facing 25 years for involuntary. He went to jail. I know that. Crazy.

[Emily]

A smaller version of the Sphere venue could be headed to Nashville, Tennessee.

[John Holmberg]

Timu Sphere.

[Emily]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody wants a Teemu Sphere.

[Emily]

Won't be as big as one in Vegas.

[John Holmberg]

Won't be as good.

[Emily]

No, it's the same company.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it won't be as good. The size matters. Ask any lady. Little dick. Sphere is not one I want to go to. If you go to baby Sphere in Nashville, are you like, I don't need to see the other one? Nope, you'd still want to see the one in Vegas. But if you see the one in Vegas, do you want to go to the one in Nashville?

[Emily]

It better be half the price.

[Brett]

You don't want to go little sphere.

[John Holmberg]

You're not going lil Sphere if big sphere exists. And if you do end up in little sphere, you're like, man, now I really want to see big sphere.

[Emily]

I don't know how do you. Do you want Ricky Skaggs that much bigger, right?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I want to see Conway Twitties Afro. Yeah. Ask. Ask a woman.

[Emily]

Keep it mini.

[John Holmberg]

Ask a woman that. That takes a huge D. How often she's really one of the small ones. Feel like nobody does it, but you take a small one and you think that was all right. Wonder what the big ones feel like. Then you go search that out.

[Emily]

It is interesting because why would they go smaller? Because you build it quicker, I guess.

[John Holmberg]

Or what's less money.

[Emily]

Less money. But I think this one in Vegas is paying off.

[John Holmberg]

Well, maybe. Gotta be a couple billion dollars to build Sphere.

[Brett]

So.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, it will be because you're going to draw acts. You're not getting those acts in Nashville. They're good, but you're not getting.

[Emily]

But paying 500 to 1000 bucks to watch wizard of Oz.

[John Holmberg]

You're not doing that in Nashville. On a small one. I mean, they can't charge the same. Yeah, you show the wizard of Oz in Nashville, Mike. I'll go watch the one on the big sphere.

[Brett]

What they can do is show Hee Haw in there.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man. They'll probably do the modern day version. The Trans He She Hawkins, Dukes of Hazzard.

[Brett]

Oh, man.

[John Holmberg]

Now now you're selling me a little something.

[Brett]

Smoking, abandoned, Smokey Bandit.

[John Holmberg]

Just. Pretty soon, I've already got one of those projectors that you can light up your entire ceiling with tv. It's one of the coolest things ever. It's just a little clumsy to get through. It's easier to just watch tv, but I can do movies or anywhere, and it's about the size of my phone. Put it up on a tripod, and it shoots a movie, and it's crystal clear. And I started thinking, it's a matter of time before they just make this. The whole room, like, your whole room becomes the experience. It's. We're not far. VR already does it.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

I know you've seen it. I don't know if the Suns have it, but the Big 12 for the. For the basketball tourney, the entire floor is led. And they can change it to show the team's logo of whoever's the home team or whatever. And they.

[John Holmberg]

And they can.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

They can actually do it. Like, for a coach in practice, he can draw plays and it projects onto the court. It's like the X's and O's and he does, like, everything. It just projects onto the court.

[John Holmberg]

The future. I love it.

[Emily]

In California, they rolled out the first 3D printed home. It's a market in Yuba county, which I believe is north of Sacramento. The first home took 24 days to build. It's a thousand square feet, cost $280,000. It comes out to about $50,000 lower than what the average home price is in that area.

[John Holmberg]

You kind of did a little flex there, like, you know, counties in California.

[Emily]

I had to look it up.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I was gonna say it seemed like you were flexing on us, that you were a county expert, but I think we all know you looked it up.

[Emily]

Well, I just. I didn't.

[John Holmberg]

That's not a bad.

[Emily]

No, it. The, you know, full bathrooms.

[Grandma Character]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And it's all.

[Emily]

I think it's, you know, thousand square feet.

[Grandma Character]

It's tiny.

[Emily]

Maybe two bedrooms.

[John Holmberg]

It's the future.

[Emily]

Yeah. Here's the selling point, too. The walls are bulletproof.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah.

[Brett]

You want that because I'm in Compton next week.

[John Holmberg]

Yes.

[Talkspace Announcer]

This podcast is sponsored by talkspace.

[Brady]

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[Talkspace Announcer]

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[John Holmberg]

How many people need that? How bad is the neighborhood of things that worked out when you were doing by the way. We shot some when you were a couple of walls working on your research for Yuba county. Would they have a high crime rate that would like a selling point.

[Emily]

They put that on there it list on top of, you know, bulletproof. Yeah. And no mold and also pretty fire retardant.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, careful. Is is telling people your house is bulletproof because mine's brick. So it's bulletproof. It telling people your house is bulletproof just encourage people to prove it.

[Emily]

That's why I wanted to see where Yuba county was.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I mean if I told you right now, it has pretty good there Brady. It's also bulletproof, wouldn't you think?

[Emily]

Oh, cool.

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna shoot a bullet at it. Like even a good guy wants to find out. Yes, I'm shooting a house.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

They start 3D printing in AJ yeah those things are going to be riddled with bullets.

[John Holmberg]

I mean if I go home and Michael and Troyville. Michael and Troy have a team out inside of their house and I'm like, what are you guys doing? Putting on new stucco? No, we're bulletproofing the house. Within a day or two, I'm taking a shot at the house.

[Brett]

Oh, look at that. It's right next to Marysville in Yuba city.

[John Holmberg]

They have all sorts of Maryvales all over the place and they're all bad. Yeah. Don't tell people your house is bulletproof. It's oh sacto.

[Emily]

Yeah, it's north of.

[Brett]

That's where Mark Randall lives between Chico and Sacramento.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I'm. I'm shooting at your house if you tell me it's bulletproof. My house is brick. It's bulletproof, right?

[Emily]

Yeah, it should be. But let's shoot it. What construction.

[John Holmberg]

But I mean, I already know that.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

Are they using that we aren't now?

[John Holmberg]

Like Kevlar?

[Brett]

Yeah, apparently Furious styles fiber and to.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And to what degree Is it bulletproof? 50 cal.

[Ralphie May]

Right.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

Is my. Can I redo my stucco on my house?

[John Holmberg]

I mean, I want to shoot that house. That's all I want. I don't care about the kitchen at all.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

What it'll be is, hey, my neighbor's a little sketchy.

[John Holmberg]

Can I. Hopkins has never once said this is a nice looking home. And it's also bulletproof. Like. Well, that doesn't sell me any. Why would we need to know that?

[Emily]

We'll take it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

You don't buy houses in Maryville.

[John Holmberg]

No. When he buys them. But he's not telling people they're bulletproof. That is crazy because how many houses are. I mean, most of the ones in Gilbert Mason. Yeah, Gilbert Mason, Chandler are not. But the old houses in Phoenix, Arcadia, Biltmore, the ones that are built out of block, those are bulletproof. That's what the three little pigs did. It's also wolf proof. This is a wolf proof.

[Brett]

This guy said careful with bricks are not bulletproof. I've tried it.

[John Holmberg]

I don't even want to. I get so many questions for that email. What do you mean you've tried it? Answer that. He shot his own brick home, I guess.

[Emily]

No, it would fracture the brick or something that maybe it goes through.

[John Holmberg]

It's pretty bulletproof. The windows aren't, but my house is fairly bulletproof. I'm pretty confident that if somebody's shooting at the house, I can get behind one of my brick walls and drop down and at the very least it might. It might plug me, but it's not going to kill me.

[Emily]

That's why. Like in the. In the westerns when they're in those wood barns.

[John Holmberg]

Sure we're not talking? Of course that's not bulletproof. An idiot would think that's bulletproof. But I'm saying, you know, should we

[Brett]

call Byron from MMP Guns and have him come over and check it out?

[John Holmberg]

Is your house brick?

[Brett]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we'll do it at your house.

[Brett]

No, you're the one that says.

[John Holmberg]

I never said that.

[Brett]

Bulletproof. Yeah, Brett, here's the one with the bulletproof.

[John Holmberg]

Here, Gummo. You're gonna spend so much time at the dentist. We know where you live. Doesn't matter. If you let him shoot your house, I'll let him shoot mine. We'll see who's is more bulletproof.

[Brett]

I never said mine was bulletproof.

[Talkspace Announcer]

You did.

[John Holmberg]

It's brick.

[Brett]

I did not.

[John Holmberg]

You don't think your house is bulletproof? No. How do you know? I think it'll go through. Do you.

[Brett]

Do you get a.50 cal?

[Emily]

Go right through.

[John Holmberg]

We're not shooting 50 cals.

[Brett]

Well, what are you talking about?

[John Holmberg]

AR15.22 Magnum. No, no. An AR15. The choice of a madman.

[Brett]

Probably go through.

[John Holmberg]

You think with the velocity we need to test this?

[Brett]

Probably. All right. Well, we'll be at your house this afternoon.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

Need Cody fingers.

[John Holmberg]

I think Brett's new house is going to have to be the.

[Brett]

You're a lot closer to M and P than me.

[John Holmberg]

What do you call the thing you're testing on a guinea pig? Who better than you to be our guinea pig?

[Emily]

Well, Can't we hear from some of the police? Maybe they know from standoffs over the years.

[John Holmberg]

Just firing through bricks. I don't think you aim at the bricks and go, I got him.

[Emily]

No, but if you're firing at the house.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I'm saying.

[Brett]

That was.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I meant. If you're not gonna look and go, he's behind those bricks. You're not wasting a bullet on that. If he's behind a window, you shoot to the window. If it's one of those chicken wirehouses in Chandler.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

Young guns when they're behind those. This little wood panel.

[Ralphie May]

Yeah?

[John Holmberg]

You're going to kill it. I don't know what the hell you two are talking about all these westerns for. It's clear that you don't hide behind wood. We all know that.

[Emily]

So they do it all the time. That's what I'm saying.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. Movies aren't real.

[Emily]

What?

[Guest/Tech Expert]

What?

[John Holmberg]

I know. That's. That's how I feel when you say what? That I have to remind you.

[Brett]

Hey, if the power teams can break bricks with their bare hands and rip phone books apart.

[John Holmberg]

But that's why they're the power team, Brett. They have the advantage of Christ. Well, there you go. If it wasn't for Jesus, they wouldn't be able to rip that phone book. So unless it's the power team throwing bullets at my house, I'm pretty sure it's bulletproof. I'll clear the house. I'm not going to stand behind it and prove it that way. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. I can accept that. But I'm pretty sure my house is bulletproof.

[Emily]

Don't they have that, like on the practice ranges, like when they're doing my house? No. Like a police academy or.

[John Holmberg]

Sure, they Shoot houses all the time, but every time I see like war torn nations and stuff, there's bullet marks in the sides of buildings, but not. And that's just getting peppered. My house is bulletproof and so is yours.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

Say it, Brett.

[Brett]

I'm not even trying it. This guy says Mythbusters have shot through bricks. He's pretty sure, so yeah.

[John Holmberg]

But it depends on the caliber. Again, madman on the street. Nine millimeter. No worries. Not going through the bricks. Maybe an AR15. That's pretty close. But if you throw an AR15 at me from, I don't know, hundred yards, thousand feet.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

Gemini says a 9 millimeter bullet generally cannot penetrate a standard solid red brick wall. While it can chip, crack, or damage the brick, the dense material usually absorbs the energy, causing the bullet to flatten or disintegrate. Yeah, particularly when fired from a handgun.

[Emily]

What.

[Brett]

What caliber is AR15,223 or 556. Either way.

[John Holmberg]

Hmm. Interesting.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

223remington5.56 NATO rounds can, under certain circumstances, penetrate a single layer of brick, but often fail to pass through a full depth double wide.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that residential brick wall. A residential brick wall, that's what I've got.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

Often fail to pass through.

[Brett]

If it does, doesn't mean.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, no, I'm not going to take my chances on the other end of it. I just want to know if it'll

[Brett]

get called the power team.

[John Holmberg]

If you get the power team. First off, I don't have any phone books, but I'm going to go find some. And then they do that thing where they mouth blow up a water heater.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

Oh, yeah, like Franco Colombo.

[Emily]

Yeah, the water ice. Water bottle.

[John Holmberg]

Water bottle. They'll. They'll blow it up like a balloon and their heads almost explode. It's a battle between their face and that balloon.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

Whatever happened to those?

[John Holmberg]

They died. They all died.

[Emily]

I think drugs got involved. I think the power team found out they were steroids.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

Didn't one guy blow up trying to do that because the.

[John Holmberg]

The one of the dudes went blind or something and trying to blow up that power bottle.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

Same thing you had?

[John Holmberg]

Probably. Oh, it was great.

[Brett]

Those guys.

[John Holmberg]

The power team was hilarious.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

A 90 degree shot has the best chance of penetration.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know what that means.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

Angled shots are more likely to deflect.

[John Holmberg]

You can shoot a bully. The bullet 90.

[Emily]

So straight on.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

Straight on.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, okay. It makes that turn.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

Yeah. Pretty movie.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

Again, to bring it back to movies.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you guys are real hard to talk to. Can't stand point. Please stay on point. Like when Emilio Estevest. Nope, we're off the. We've lost the plot.

[Emily]

KitKat and unveiled its life sized handcrafted 770 pound chocolate F1 car. They're jumping into the F1 Formula Tour

[Guest/Tech Expert]

in a 700 pound.

[Emily]

It's the equivalent of 16692 finger Kit Kats.

[John Holmberg]

Finger Kit?

[Emily]

Kids. You know they have those.

[John Holmberg]

Is that what they call those? I didn't even know that.

[Emily]

And good news. If you were bummed out that Chick fil a took the pea starch out of their french fries. The waffle fries.

[John Holmberg]

Didn't know that.

[Emily]

Customers, they. They did it a year ago. Customers noticed. They went back to the original formula.

[Brett]

The fatties will notice anything.

[Ralphie May]

Thank you, Brad. Hi, it's Ralphie May, everybody. Brady. Read the story as written. Local fat notices difference at Chick Fil a causes stir. Brady, you don't just read it because it's like, oh, people noticed. It's us, brother.

[John Holmberg]

It's us.

[Emily]

We're people.

[Ralphie May]

Ralphie, nobody knows the difference between fryer oil and whatever they changed it to. And chickpeas and no chick doesn't matter. Some people look at each other, go, that tastes a little different. They move on. Fats figure it out. What's different in Chick fil a? They put on Sherlock Holmes hats and monocles and walk around for four weeks.

[Emily]

Can't believe they did that.

[Ralphie May]

It's the only time us fats get active. The Chick Fil a changed up in their recipe. Suddenly I want to run.

[Emily]

They get stuff done.

[Ralphie May]

That's right. They change it back to us so we can sit down again and eat the chicken. Read it as it's written.

[Emily]

Thanks for stopping by, Robert.

[Ralphie May]

Read it as it's written. Local fat notices difference in Chick Fil a. Bite loses mind.

[Emily]

Call someone takes one.

[Ralphie May]

Brett, you're normal sized man. You ever bite into something and then call the corporation?

[Brett]

Never.

[Ralphie May]

Okay. Because he's normal. Read it as written.

[Emily]

And then a. I gotta go. Whoa. A silver medal from the first modern Olympics was auctioned off. 1896. Athens.

[Brett]

Wow.

[Emily]

Was the first modern Olympics.

[Cody]

Right?

[Emily]

What do you think that thing went for?

[John Holmberg]

The silver medal. Was it real? It was probably super cool. Real silver back then. Like fully.

[Emily]

I can show you a little silver medal.

[John Holmberg]

Silver medals now are worth more. Yeah. By value. Because most gold medals are plated. Silver medals. But I would say with its history. I'm going to go Antiques Roadshow here. With its history in good condition at auction. You could sell that for $400,000.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

Two mil.

[Brett]

A bad I'll go a mill.

[Emily]

They were expecting $31,000, right. It went for 179. Yeah. I think there's a bunch that surprised me. I would have been in the same numbers, too. I figured a million.

[Brett]

I figured she for 18.95 or whatever.

[Emily]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

But I think they aren't hard to come by. No, no, I think those have been fairly well preserved.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

They've all been fallen by the wayside.

[John Holmberg]

No, I think gold silver medals and things like that family there wouldn't be,

[Emily]

you know, in 1896, I don't know how many were thrown out.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

They thrown out?

[Emily]

Well, no, given out, like. Oh, given out how many events.

[John Holmberg]

Right. But I'm just saying I don't think that they're. I don't think that we're down to the last couple, you know. I learned that from Antiques Roadshow when Cy Young, that dude had hundreds of Cy Young autographs and he had notes from Cy Young and letters and pictures. He's like, I was a kid, I live next door to him. Cy Young sign. And he goes, unfortunately, Cy Young couldn't stop signing his name for about five years. And all he did every. There's so many Cy Young autographs and they're all authentic that it's. He goes, you have a nice story. You've got some really cool letters from Cy Young. Unfortunately, the whole thing's worth about 600 bucks.

[Emily]

Yeah, it was Wagner or whatever.

[John Holmberg]

Wagner one of one.

[Emily]

And. And he had a year where they were in a cigarette pack and he didn't like cigarettes, so they just did it one year.

[John Holmberg]

He said, no, well, the honest Wagner is the one of one. There's only. If you can find one, you've got millions of dollars in your hands because

[Brett]

it was last one sold for like three something. Yeah, three point something.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

Guys, please understand. While I write this, I have the Jackass theme song playing in my head. I don't want you to look this up, but there is a scientific article about this on pubmed. But I do still want all you guys to test this in real life. Please sell tickets. I'll be there. I don't care about the sphere. I want to see this bullet penetrate John's house.

[John Holmberg]

I sort of do too. I want to see the distance that I'm safe from bullets. Morning sickness.

[Cody]

Holmberg's morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

And the caliber.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

An AK47 would penetrate it. Don't ask me how I know. And then I looked it up.

[Brett]

He lives in Maryville.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

And it says Gemini. Says an AK47 bullet can penetrate a single layer of brick, but often struggles to pass through a standard thick brick wall. While it can pulverize the first layer of brick, the second layer often remains intact, all although repeated shots will break through.

[John Holmberg]

Well, if I'm in that situation, repeated shots, I'm in a bad spot.

[Ralphie May]

So if.

[John Holmberg]

Dude, single shots at my house, like, hey, bullet just hit my house.

[Brett]

I'll never move in a Yuba City. No.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

And that study was.

[Emily]

Well, you get a 3D print at home here.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

The study that Gemini is quoting was done by the Sonoran Desert Institute. So it's been done here.

[John Holmberg]

Yep. They shoot houses here.

[Emily]

I got two radio videos. All right, first one's a good hillbilly fight.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, hang on.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

We're having connection issues.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, boy.

[Emily]

And the second one's from war.

[John Holmberg]

I like war.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

Is that confirmed?

[Emily]

Because I was. I don't know. Actually, it look. It looked real.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

Well, it's. I don't think it's AI. I just.

[John Holmberg]

Was it this war?

[Guest/Tech Expert]

This war?

[Emily]

Yes.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

I just wonder if it's from this war.

[Emily]

Navy torpedo sinks Iranian warship.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

Well, like we saw yesterday.

[John Holmberg]

It was the Soleimani.

[Emily]

Yeah. Okay, that's the first time.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we should. We watched it yesterday.

[Emily]

No. Well, then this is a. The one I saw went into the side. The one yesterday.

[Brett]

Periscope on yesterday.

[Emily]

Here's.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

Here's his first radio video.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, this is hillbillies fighting. Girl. Hillbillies holding the key. Oh, one's holding the baby.

[Emily]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

All right, watch this.

[Emily]

Go time.

[John Holmberg]

No, the baby has no. We have no time for this. Kids can take a fall and mom can take a punch. She just dropped her baby.

[Emily]

Oh, yeah, he's holding a stick.

[John Holmberg]

When the dog ladies first punch hits

[Cody]

mom and they drive.

[John Holmberg]

That's a big kid, too.

[Emily]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, well, the baby's crying. Mama's fighting again. That's not news.

[Brett]

Kid looks like a little big to be being carried around like that.

[John Holmberg]

Mom's in good shape, too. I gotta say, this is kind of like a Jamie Presley trailer park.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

Oh, the big girl, the. The one in the pink shirt gets on top, though. She gets top mount.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, she's bigger, so she got a weight advantage. But she takes out hot mama, drops

[Guest/Tech Expert]

the baby cowboys there.

[John Holmberg]

One of the rodeo clowns comes and tries to break it up, and he's

[Emily]

filming the dude and the short sleeve shirt took out the guy with a stick right away.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. He saw the. The danger. That was close. I like hillbilly fights. I think I like hillbilly fights more than I Like any other race fights. Although black ladies fighting's fun because they pull out their weaves.

[Brett]

Oh, yeah.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

So this is from, like, a maritime ship that's passing through. I don't know where it is, but it.

[Emily]

But it says it's the Soleimani.

[John Holmberg]

All right, then it's in the Indian Ocean.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

But the Soleimani wasn't hit from the front.

[John Holmberg]

He's just hanging around. And there's the missile going through the water. Oh, yeah, that's from the side.

[Emily]

That's from the. The front.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I mean, that's what the Solomani took. One from the front in the rear.

[Emily]

Oh, okay. Because the one I saw yesterday when

[John Holmberg]

you were pulling, that was the front of the boat.

[Emily]

It was the left.

[John Holmberg]

Right. And it hit the front end. The. The bow, they called it.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

But if the. If the torpedoes coming in that direction, that. That view from the viewfinder.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

Was. Was sort of sideways.

[Emily]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe it was a different. Maybe it was a different angle.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Either way, I like watching that stuff explode.

[Emily]

That's a tough shot.

[John Holmberg]

Hitting the boat with the torpedo is always a toug.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

Does it make you think that. That, you know, battleship captain is a little unqualified. If he just sat there.

[John Holmberg]

They've got technology from the 30s.

[Emily]

Yeah. That's.

[John Holmberg]

They're running a. Their navy ships have Ranger written on the side of them. We're beating up a retard and we're beating the hell out of him. He's dangerous because he can whale out some. See, they're strong, but they're looking to just land one shot. They're not going to win the fight because that boat is barely floating, by the way. Right. It's ass. It's ass down.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

Well, here's apparently what the Solomon look. It's like a catamaran style. Like. That's what. That's what it looked like. Oh, before they. Before they nailed it and we blew it up.

[John Holmberg]

That's a great video.

[Emily]

Look at that thing. I just wanted that didn't look that. I don't know if that was the boat.

[John Holmberg]

That wasn't one of that. Who cares?

[Guest/Tech Expert]

This is the Soleimani. This is the one that they got.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know if you're right or wrong, and I don't care. Show it exploding again. Show me some. I'm. I'm one of them guys. When my country goes to war, I root for our boys to get it over with fast. Kill as many Iranians as possible, I

[Ralphie May]

say, and do it. Do toot sweet.

[Emily]

There you go.

[John Holmberg]

Blow that Up. Oh yeah. Give me some more. All I want is a bunch of. A bunch of. Ah, look at him, Brady. They're all falling out. Iranians everywhere. I love it. Look at that. Here comes. Here comes.

[Brett]

Miss.

[John Holmberg]

I like what my military kicks ass. I don't care if I agree with why it is what it is now. Blow them back to the biblical ages they want to live in.

[Emily]

Someone lost a boat.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, sure, I'm fine with that. I mean, if that was at Bartlet Lake, I'd be concerned that we got subs at Bartlett. But it's not.

[Brett]

It was only the Dolly steamboat.

[Talkspace Announcer]

Yeah, if only.

[John Holmberg]

Good Lord. If only we could get a submarine out there at that Dolly steamboat. Take those things down. I would have prayed for it.

[Cody]

Oh, yeah, right.

[John Holmberg]

Is that a missile coming at us? Thank.

[Brett]

I hope so.

[John Holmberg]

Blow us out of this drink.

[Emily]

Put a mini sub.

[Brett]

Is it Bartlett or what's like Canyon or so?

[John Holmberg]

Canyon. I think I'd have gotten in that. That ill fated exploding sub that went. Took those. Those five billionaires down into the Atlantic. I'd have gotten into that if it

[Brett]

meant telling the boys. Yeah, I would have built.

[John Holmberg]

We should build one of our own and just go plop it in Canyon and take out the Dolly steamboats one by one. Titan picking them off. I got a PlayStation's a good idea. I don't even think we need to go Teemu. I think they did a pretty good job at Teemu and that thing in the first place.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

You got the new one?

[John Holmberg]

No, I'll put a suit and a wig on.

[Cody]

I'll be like, we're gonna blow the Dolly steamboat right out of Canyon Lake. Look out old people who just want to see one mountain goat. It's great stuff. How do you serve dry M and m'?

[Brady]

Do?

[John Holmberg]

All right, what do you got, Burke? All right,

[Brett]

we'll just start with a stressful video. It's not a bad ending, but it's just stressful. We were talking yesterday about lane splitting.

[John Holmberg]

Oh boy.

[Brett]

There you go.

[John Holmberg]

On his motorcycle in his helmet cam and he's going 100 miles an hour on him on a two lane freeway entrance, it looks like. Or some sort of highway. He's blazing down the road. Please don't do this. Oh, I hate motorcycle videos the most of all.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

It looks like those new lanes.

[John Holmberg]

Seventeen. He's blazing down. He's getting on the freeway now and it's. It's jam packed. He's far left lane. He's staying in the far left lane like a good rider. Don't scoot over. Don't. Oh, he's gonna lane split. Oh, he's lane splitting. He's going way too fast. Oh, nice move there. He gets to the left. Back to lane splitting a traffic jam, and this man's trying to get. Oh, he just barely got through that one. Oh, boy. There's another one.

[Brett]

Look at him.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, this guy's a. Movement was. Evil Knievel. This is incredible. Speeding up these lanes.

[Emily]

I can't watch this.

[John Holmberg]

This can't be real.

[Emily]

Liquidation is about to happen.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not watching this.

[Brett]

I'll just. I'll ruin it. He does make it, but.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

How far?

[John Holmberg]

He's going like, 70 miles an hour.

[Brett]

30 seconds of this.

[John Holmberg]

Turn it off.

[Emily]

Got to the Renaissance Festival in 15 minutes.

[John Holmberg]

That's the most anxious I've felt in a long time.

[Brett]

Look at this one.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. Oh, Jesus Christ. I hate motorcycles.

[Emily]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. Brett, sell it.

[Brett]

No way.

[Brady]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I'm gonna throw up. Turn that off. You're.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

I guess it's not that much bigger, but your Harley is. Isn't that agile. Right? You wouldn't be able to do that.

[John Holmberg]

Don't. No, it's not that.

[Brett]

Well, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Did you see his face?

[Emily]

Yeah. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You thought about it, maybe?

[Brett]

No, I know I don't do that stuff.

[John Holmberg]

All right, here's a lady I don't even know with body paint. Naked lady with body paint skipping down a road, and the body paint is rainbows. Oh, now she's pissing in a dog bowl. And now she's on all fours at some sort of pub, and they pulled something. The guy just peed in a dog bowl, and she's lapping it up like a Labrador. Somebody shoves a toe in her ass while she's drinking the water.

[Brett]

The heel in there.

[John Holmberg]

Oh. And then they shoved a high heel up a girl's butt while she. What the.

[Brett]

I don't know. That's why I said, I don't know how to describe this one man.

[John Holmberg]

So wait, a lady with, like. She went to, like, kids face painting and had her boobs painted up like rainbow unicorn. And that naturally led right to a man pissing in a dog bowl. She gets on all fours. Oh, was it. Oh, well, his wiener was out, so I think he added his own. Anyway, it doesn't really matter. So she got this bowl of pee, source unknown, and plops down over there at the Applebee's and drinks it like a puppy. And one of the patrons decides, you know what's missing from this? A high Heel up your ass. And then it ends. Yeah, there's like, no cops or therapy or anything. All right.

[Brett]

We were talking, isn't it. Was it. The Iranian soccer team was in town?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they're in Tucson.

[Brett]

Tucson. I think this is some home video for them.

[John Holmberg]

Vagina. That has something. She's opening it up. And unreasonable. Oh, she's pushing out.

[Emily]

Come on.

[John Holmberg]

A World cup soccer ball just came out of that lady's vagina. That's. It's a small one, but it's still small one.

[Emily]

Yeah, it looked bigger.

[John Holmberg]

Took a lot of work to get big enough. Took a lot of work to get it in. Getting it out was no picnic. No.

[Brett]

We'll end with the Sawzall sex swing.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. We are developing new technology from a movie. Oh, okay. We're in a sex swing, and a guy puts a sawzall with a sex toy on it. On the girl. This is in a public place, by the way. And he turns the Sawzall on. It is now rapid firing. Oh. And it makes her react with a.

[Emily]

You're a. Wow.

[John Holmberg]

All right, real quick, for those of you tuning in there, I'll play it again for you. You. He puts the Sawzall with the sex toy in the woman while she's suspended above the stage. He hits the button once, and he's dressed relatively nicely. He's got a. He's the manager. Black button up shirt, some jeans. He fires it off, and then he yanks it out.

[Grandma Character]

Wank it.

[John Holmberg]

And then she fires pee at the audience. About 18ft.

[Emily]

Wow.

[Brett]

And we'll end with that one.

[John Holmberg]

That's gonna be somebody's grandma someday.

[Emily]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it is. She's already got kids, Brady. There's no doubt about.

[Grandma Character]

No, she'll be dead.

[Emily]

She's not making it.

[John Holmberg]

That right there, living or dead, that was my grandmother. Is something someone will say about the lady suspended above a stage with a Sawzall dildo. You got a Milwaukee Tools dildo. And that lady's thinking, this is fun. And then she'll turn 35, then 45, then 55, and bouncing on her knee will be a future little Brayden. What did you used to do for fun in college, Grandma?

[Grandma Character]

Well, there was the time I put a Sawzall dildo in myself and hosed off the front audience like one of those bomb cyclones.

[Emily]

Grandma. Grandma enjoyed swings.

[Grandma Character]

Well, let's see. Grandma's was a playground in the back in the 90s.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

Let's just say.

[Cody]

Yes.

[Grandma Character]

Let's just say, Braden, I treated my like a rental car.

[John Holmberg]

Grandma.

[Grandma Character]

No I put that thing through hell.

[John Holmberg]

Was this before or after Mom? Oh, it was.

[Grandma Character]

Well, after your mother. I needed money. Your mother was about five and she was in the back room while I let men take power tools to my hoo ha. And then I'd squirt on audience members and they'd throw dollar bills at me. Back when I was growing up, dollar bills meant something.

[Guest/Tech Expert]

Grandma, that makes Christmases have a whole different meaning.

[Grandma Character]

Once, for one bitcoin, I shoved the front end of a Hyundai in my ass. Somebody dared me that my Kegels weren't strong enough to ride down the freeway attached to a side mirror of a Honda.

[John Holmberg]

I did it.

[Grandma Character]

Grandma made it a quarter mile before she fell off. Oh, yes, Granny had some fun.

[Emily]

Were you a.

[Grandma Character]

Go ahead, say it, squirter.

[John Holmberg]

Yep.

[Grandma Character]

Like my mother before me and her mother before her. And your mother as well. I've cleaned the sheets.

[John Holmberg]

That's someone's Grandma. That's someone's. Watch his face. That's someone's baboo.

[Emily]

New.

[John Holmberg]

Someday there'll be a little chubby boy in culottes giving that a hug.

[Grandma Character]

Oh, I like when he calls me Boo Boo. Oh, mind the hips. They've been through a lot, young man.

[John Holmberg]

Anyway, it's 8:42.

[Cody]

There you go.

[John Holmberg]

The 8 o' clock word this morning is magnetic. Somebody's Boo Boo. Think about that every time you watch one of Brett's videos.

[Emily]

Don't think about that, man.

[Cody]

It's gonna be somebody's baboo.

[John Holmberg]

And there's gonna be a popple chick.

[Grandma Character]

I didn't know anything about this. Well, we learn as we age.

[John Holmberg]

Magnetic's the word you want to put in there. And there. Everybody is a life lesson. And your birdie report, it's 98.

[Emily]

Hey, it's not weird.

[John Holmberg]

It's pretty cool, actually.

[Emily]

No membership fee.

[Cody]

I have heard enough of this to you, pd.