03-05-26 - Thursdays w/Former Dallas Cowboy OLineman Dale Hellestrae - Discovering Dale Wasn't Allowed To Watch Sopranos And Has A Low Bar For Good Movies - Thoughts On Cardinals Releases Of Kyler Murray

Summary

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Holmberg's Morning Sickness – March 5, 2026

"Thursdays w/Former Dallas Cowboy OLineman Dale Hellestrae – Discovering Dale Wasn't Allowed To Watch Sopranos And Has A Low Bar For Good Movies – Thoughts On Cardinals Releases Of Kyler Murray"

Overview

In this lively episode, the Holmberg’s Morning Sickness crew welcomes former Dallas Cowboys offensive lineman Dale Hellestrae for their regular Thursday banter. The conversation swerves between sports analysis, especially the Arizona Cardinals' release of Kyler Murray, and comedic debates on TV and movie preferences—including an extended ribbing of Dale for his low bar for what makes a good movie and his revelation that he’s never seen iconic TV and films like The Sopranos or The Godfather. The episode, as always, is fueled by camaraderie, relentless teasing, and sharp (sometimes NSFW) humor.

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Key Topics & Discussion Points

Kyler Murray Released by the Cardinals (04:43 – 10:27; 28:04 – 31:25)

• Initial reaction: The group reacts to the already widely discussed upcoming release of quarterback Kyler Murray by the Arizona Cardinals, effective March 10th.
  • “Cardinal fans are like, oh, thank God, finally. And I’ve been saying this about Kyler Murray for a long time. Best athlete on the field almost every game… Not necessarily his fault that this franchise can’t win. He’s a little goofy between the ears. He’s not a leader. But is that a product of Kyler Murray or his surroundings?” – Dale (04:56)
• The leadership vs. system debate: The hosts debate whether Murray’s struggles stem more from his own deficiencies or the dysfunction of the franchise and lackluster coaching.
  • “Be careful what you wish for at the quarterback position, Kyler Murray…” – Brett (05:34)
  • “You have to be such a special player at that position to overcome a history of inept performances… I think he’s special, but you gotta put some pieces around.” – Brett (06:22)
  • “Kingsbury was terrible… lost that locker room… you could see lost eyes.” – Dale (06:49)
• Kyler’s throws and highlight games: The gang recalls Murray's remarkable moments with subpar support, specifically his near-miraculous win versus the Raiders (07:36).
  • “What he did at the end of that [Raiders] game… It was one of the more remarkable things I’ve ever watched in sports. And it was all him.” – Dale (07:54)
• Coaching and the “homework clause” scandal: Discussion of Murray’s controversial contract clause and public perception. The group agrees bad coaching and PR mishaps have unfairly colored his reputation (09:02 – 10:15).
  • “When it broke that you have the homework clause in the contract, that—I don’t know how you recover from that as a quarterback.” – Brett (09:05)
  • “To me, when you get caught, you pout.” – Dale (09:57)
• Potential Murray renaissance elsewhere: They speculate on Murray’s free agency, low price tag ($2M plus his guaranteed money), and revival potential in another system (28:46–29:50).
  • “Be prepared for him going to a Minnesota… and him becoming a thing.” – Brett (29:10)
  • “You’re gonna see—oh my god. With proper guidance and an offensive line, this dude can damage.” – Dale (29:40)
• Jets vs. Cardinals organizational dysfunction: Brief, humorous comparison of historically poor teams and which would be preferable as a player (30:15–30:58):
  • “Basically what Brett was asking was you’re in prison. Anal or oral?” – Dale (30:52)

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Can Dale Watch Anything Good? The Sopranos & Movie Taste (10:44 – 26:00; 19:08 – 21:46)

• Dale’s Cultural Blind Spots: Brett and John are astonished by Dale’s admissions:

  • Never seen The Sopranos, Breaking Bad, Scarface, or The Godfather.

  • Has seen Jaws, most Rocky and Rambo movies, but only highlights of Sling Blade.

  • “You never watched the Sopranos? Why?” – Dale (11:09)

  • “The language was…” – Brett (11:09)

  • “So what you just said was… your wife wouldn’t let you watch the Sopranos.” – Dale (11:11)

• The running “not allowed” joke: Incredulous, the hosts tease Dale for presumably not being allowed by his wife (Brooke) to watch “grown-up” shows or movies:
  • “Just say it out loud: You’re not allowed.” – Dale (12:30)
  • “You’re a puppet. And you are—You’re also barely allowed here. She still doesn’t know you’re here on Thursday.” – Dale (23:24)
• Dale’s preference for “happy” and “simple” entertainment:
  • “Of all time… I liked all the Cheers. But like… I’m more of a comedy guy. I’m a happy guy.” – Dale (14:30)
  • Admitted to watching most Sandra Bullock movies and The Lake House because “I'm allowed to watch her movies.”
• Quiz of classics: The crew quizzes Dale on iconic films and TV:
  • Hasn’t seen The Notebook, Scarface, Star Wars, Young Frankenstein, The Godfather.
  • Has seen Jaws, Rocky (first three), and all Rambo movies.
  • “Man, you have shocked the world today.” – Dale (20:27)
• Teasing about TV license: Ongoing jokes that his wife (Brooke) has to approve content, and the crew collectively expresses disbelief:
  • “I want to meet Brooks so bad.” – Dale (21:04)
  • “Blink twice if you’re in danger.” – Dale (24:22)

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Movie Taste Sparring and Generational Differences (21:46 – 23:16)

• Discussions on “dirty movies” and Tarantino: Dale unfamiliar, dismissive of Quentin Tarantino movies and modern “hot takes.”
  • “Quentin Tarantino… Django. Jag off.” – Brett (16:33)
  • “It was stupid. You guys have the intellect of an ant.” – Dale (16:54)
• Ribbing about Dale’s “low bar” for movies and music: The group attacks Dale’s media taste as “immediately disqualified.”
  • “His take on everything is immediately disqualified till he gets a spine and his balls back and tells his wife he’s gonna watch some good stuff. That’s amazing.” – John (17:11)

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Sidebars, Personal Stories, & Classic Holmberg Banter (12:04, 31:26–34:45)

• Personal anecdotes: Entertaining admissions about growing up, childhood crushes, and parental reactions.
  • “I had a girlfriend that was staying the night… And my uncle poked his head in the window… he goes, ‘You took forever, by the way. I needed to get in the house…’” – John (34:03)
  • “Dad’s there just shaking… Only reason I did it. And I was scared the whole time, so the water covered my tears. I was horrified up there.” – Dale, about high dive trauma (33:18)
• NSFW humor and affectionate insults: The group slings playful derogatory jabs around, keeping to their irreverent style.

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Sports Odds & Ends (31:26–35:10)

• Olympic memories: Jumping off high dives in freezing February pools (“You were a... not to get in, but it was horrible.”– Dale, 32:46), musings on winter Olympics, and the physics/courage of ski jumping or platform diving.
• Quick on war coverage and fighter jet tech: Passing interest in current military tech, drawing wild analogies and brief news discussion.
  • “These Iranians get blown up one day after another… The planes are equipped with such amazing technology; it can run from things shot at it.” – Dale (26:51; 27:35)
• Chicago Med/Fire universe: Light jab about the proliferation of Chicago-based shows and whether Dale can watch certain content.

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Notable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps

• On Kyler Murray:

  • “Not necessarily his fault that this franchise can’t win. He’s a little goofy between the ears. He’s not a leader. But is that a product of Kyler Murray or his surroundings?” – Dale (04:56)
  • “When you get caught, you pout… You’re a baby.” – Dale, on Kyler’s PR (09:57)
  • “Be prepared for him going to a Minnesota… and him becoming a thing.” – Brett (29:10)

• On The Sopranos and Movie Taste:

  • “You never watched the Sopranos? Why?” – Dale (11:09)
  • “Just say it out loud: You’re not allowed.” – Dale (12:30)
  • “His take on everything is immediately disqualified till he gets a spine and his balls back and tells his wife he’s gonna watch some good stuff.” – John (17:11)
  • “Man, you have shocked the world today.” – Dale (20:27)

• On Marriage and TV Permissions:

  • “You’re also barely allowed here. She still doesn’t know you’re here on Thursday.” – Dale (23:24)
  • “Blink twice if you’re in danger.” – Dale (24:22)

• On Prison-Style Team Selection:

  • “Basically what Brett was asking was you’re in prison. Anal or oral?” – Dale (30:52)

• On High Dive Trauma:

  • “Dad’s there just shaking… Only reason I did it. And I was scared the whole time, so the water covered my tears. I was horrified up there.” – Dale (33:18)

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Memorable & Funny Exchanges

• Dale’s wife as “cultural gatekeeper”: Running joke about not being “allowed” to watch anything gritty, violent, or profane – leading to classic lines like, “Your opinion means nothing, you’re not a well versed man.” (28:06)
• Comparing Cardinals and Jets to prison choices: Hilariously crude analogy to underscore two of the NFL’s most frustrating franchises (30:52).
• Debate about Tarantino and “guy” movies: “You guys have the intellect of an ant… Meanwhile, you’re trying to keep up with the American Idol plot points.” – Dale (16:54)

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Episode Structure & Flow

• Opening banter and painkiller stories morph into football talk
• Deep dive on Kyler Murray, quarterback situations, and franchise dysfunction
• Extended comedic segment on Dale’s TV/movie inexperience and presumed marital TV restrictions
• Sidebars on classic cinema, tough-guy vs. “allowed” content, Chicago Med, etc.
• Escalating personal anecdotes and characteristic irreverence
• Quick closes on “allowed” content and whom to root for in wars, dipping back to Kyler
• Closing with Olympics, high dive trauma, and final lighthearted ribbing

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This summary delivers the episode’s highlights, tone, and playful irreverence. Perfect for those who missed it but want the inside jokes, sports insight, and comedic chemistry.

Transcript

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[Brett]

The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail.

[Dale Hellister]

Oh, do I know that phrase? Dale heavy is the crown boy. I feel that every day. Got a bad back from carrying this Hubbard radio through Phoenix for years.

[Brett]

My goodness.

[Dale Hellister]

Your back goes bad. I always tell people, like, do I look like I'm standing up straight? And they're like, no, not really. And I'm like, yeah, it's. My back's bad from carrying this radio.

[Brett]

Oh, that's your nose pulling you forward. Happy is the crown. I'm the one that has crowns.

[Dale Hellister]

No, you've got crabs. You misunderstood your doctor. No, you understood. You got crowns. Heavy as the crown. Brett lost the crown this week. He's in. He's in old gummoes in terrible turmoil over there with a dentist. Yeah, Dale Hellas trace here.

[Brett]

Drugs?

[Dale Hellister]

No, unfortunately, no. They got what? Tramadol. They give you tramadol. Do anything, but they give dogs.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Guest]

When he came in early in the week, I thought he was a squirrel.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Guest]

Storing the nuts in the side.

[Brett]

You know, I used to be able to take all that stuff when I played. Yeah. And And I. I don't know if I was around you guys, but I took a face mask. You were around.

[Guest]

Oh, yeah.

[Brett]

Yes.

[Dale Hellister]

Disgusting.

[Brett]

Yes. And they gave me some oxy. Oxy content. Yeah, Whatever that is.

[Dale Hellister]

That's good stuff.

[Brett]

It is. But that. That's the first drug I've done. Vicodin. I've done a lot of things. Darva set, Percocet, anything with a set. Give me the set. And Tordol. But that Oxycodone or whatever it's called, that messed with me.

[Dale Hellister]

That's basically heroin, isn't it? How so? It's heroin. Yeah.

[Brett]

Like, I felt lightheaded. I felt kind of out of control of myself. My legs still hurt. So I said, well, this isn't good.

[Dale Hellister]

What was the difference between how you walk the day normally and feeling what you just described, which is lightheaded, a

[Brett]

little dizzy, not as athletic or ballerina like.

[Guest]

You felt heavy on your feet.

[Dale Hellister]

Yeah. You felt thick. You couldn't move like me.

[Brett]

Heavy as the crown, Jon.

[Dale Hellister]

That's right.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellister]

That's exactly what it is. Dale Hellas trace here, three time world champion for your Dallas Cowboys, co host of the main event with Steve McCullum. Good dude. I'm glad I met Steve. He's a nice guy. I like him. He wants to do a show. He said he's going to replace one of the guys on the show. He wanted me to fill in.

[Brett]

Okay. Well, you're gone already, huh? You're out.

[Dale Hellister]

No, no, I'm just saying, like, Steve and I are. We're talking about maybe doing a show. Yeah. I'm just saying, sort of place the guy. But no, he's fun and it's. I haven't listened to your show, but if Steve's on it, it's probably okay.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellister]

And then of course, you're on my podcast, the sports thing. A John Holmberg joint and guests. And yeah, with the permanent guest, Dale. Hell Astray and the rest.

[Brett]

It's been a few weeks now, but remember, this idea was hatched, all right?

[Dale Hellister]

Don't bring it up again that it was my idea the whole time.

[Brett]

I can't. I can't be the host. I'll be the guest host, permanent guest. And somehow, some way, it's my podcast. Three or four people listen to it, it flip flopped, and now it's John.

[Dale Hellister]

Here's the thing. I was hedging my bets if you guys were retards, but I didn't want to spend my time there. And then I would just make up a story Going on. My company won't let me do it. Then I started to say, I'm pretty good at this.

[Guest]

There's some traction. In two weeks, he'll stay.

[Dale Hellister]

I don't care about traction. I'm like, can I tolerate this room for an hour a week with these idiots? And it was a push for a minute, like. And then I'm like, you know what? If I just take over? They'll. It'll be great, and it's good. It's actually pretty good.

[Brett]

Stay with these two guys for how long?

[Dale Hellister]

Him for 20 something long years. And then Brett for about. Well, I've known him both for the whole time, so.

[Brett]

Well, we already know Brett can't fight through any pain.

[Dale Hellister]

What? Oh, look at him go. Brett fights different.

[Brett]

He's out.

[Dale Hellister]

Trust me, he doesn't. I've been here the whole time. What are you talking about? He'll start shooting.

[Guest]

He'll rake your shin in a bit.

[Dale Hellister]

That's right. That's right. Let's talk about what's going on in this city. Like, everybody's talking about it. Everybody's blabbing away. Kyler Murray, released by the Cardinals coming up on the 10th of March. He's out.

[Brett]

Yes.

[Dale Hellister]

And Cardinal fans are like, oh, thank God, finally. And I've been saying this about Kyler Murray for a long time. Best athlete on the field almost every game. Rookie year comes in, takes this team to the playoffs. Not this last year, but the year before. Had a pretty darn good run.

[Brett]

Yep.

[Dale Hellister]

And they kind of fell apart. Not necessarily his fault that this franchise can't win. He's a little goofy between the ears. He's not a leader. But is that a product of Kyler Murray or his surroundings?

[Brett]

All I would caution. Whatever Cardinal fans are remaining. Yeah.

[Dale Hellister]

How are they still there?

[Brett]

Be careful what you wish for. Be careful what you wish for. At the quarterback position, Kyler Murray and Bruce Cooper comes on our main event show. Bruce Cooper. Let me tell you what.

[Dale Hellister]

Let me tell you what. I shaved my scrotum this morning, and it is smooth like brown eggs.

[Brett]

He might be the only media person in the Valley who. Nobody can say a bad word.

[Dale Hellister]

He's the nicest man I've ever met. No question.

[Brett]

But he's a big Kyler Murray fan. He said, look at that. Just look at the facts. When you gave him DeAndre Hopkins and they had two other wide receivers at that point. Yeah, Christian Kirk and one other guy. They started off 7 and 11 and

[Dale Hellister]

2 and 1 with the Mexican name.

[Brett]

And then. And then Deandre Hopkins goes down. Yep. And everything got discombobulated. I think it's a byproduct of number one. You have to be such a special player at that position to overcome a history of inept performances. You have to be so special. And I think he's special, but you got to put some pieces around.

[Dale Hellister]

I think the thing that screwed up the Kyler Murray argument for Cardinal fans was when Kingsbury left and had success with Jaden Daniels as a coordinator. Yeah, that's the difference. And I've talked to Cardinal fans like, yeah, but Kingsbury left and his offense in D.C. was good. And I'm like, yeah, it was good, but he had a coach. Kingsbury was terrible. This, this. You watch that Hard Knocks where Kingsbury was the guy. You can watch that and go, I wouldn't run through paper for this dude. Like he was a. He had lost that locker room. You could see lost eyes. He wasn't there.

[Guest]

He's not the leader.

[Dale Hellister]

Tyler then has to move on to a guy that lasts a year then, you know, I mean it's just this thing where I don't think he's great and everybody confuses that when I def.

[Brett]

Right.

[Dale Hellister]

I don't think he's great, but I think in the right situation that athleticism will get you somewhere.

[Brett]

Yes.

[Dale Hellister]

And he's learned in seven years or six years, whatever it is, that how to play the position if the game's right. He single handedly. What I watched the Cardinals, just out of curiosity, morbid curiosity, single handedly won games for them. Yeah, well, I mean by himself, that Raiders game, it should be legendary. What he did at the end of that game, running around with no o line, making Max Crosby miss four or five times. And then it was, it was one of the more remarkable things I've ever watched in sports. And it was all him.

[Brett]

And then now remember the, the, the, the offensive coordinator just slipped my mind the last two years. Oh, I don't know their names. That little bald guy.

[Dale Hellister]

It's Brady.

[Brett]

Yeah, Brady. It could have been Brady for all I know would have been winning, you

[Dale Hellister]

know, just to go to chance.

[Brett]

But the thing is his offense is predicated on a drop back passer. Yeah. And he didn't adjust his offense to this special talent.

[Dale Hellister]

Yeah, I agree.

[Brett]

And if you're a coach and you can't adjust your offense, your defense. I was out there with some guys from Dallas last, last night, one of them involved in the Cowboys organization. They had a defensive coordinator that is a three, four guy.

[Dale Hellister]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Well, one thing The Cowboys have is they have three really good defensive tackles. Yeah.

[Dale Hellister]

You go the other way with that.

[Brett]

Yes. You adjust your defense to your talent. Yeah.

[Dale Hellister]

Your roster dictates what you're going to do with it, not the other way.

[Brett]

Yeah. And so I think that was some of it with Kyler. I think when they hit him, when it broke that you have the homework clause in the contract that I don't know how you recover from that as a quarterback.

[Dale Hellister]

It's tough.

[Brett]

You know, whether it's true or not, I'm leaning towards. It might have been a little true. It's true. But it could have been a bid.

[Dale Hellister]

Well, hey, he's unaware. He did the photo shoot in the Michael Vick jersey last year with dogs. You know, there was a whole thing where Kyler just kind of thumbed his nose at everybody and I'll do it. And then. And then the worst thing about Kyler to me was. And he did it again. His little letter to say goodbye two days ago was passive aggressive show, sorry, couldn't fix the 77 year drought. This team. Then today or last night, he puts out another one that's much more. More flowery and a whole lot more, like, humble. And you're like, somebody got you. But that's where we don't like you, Kyler, is when you get caught, you pout.

[Brett]

Yes.

[Dale Hellister]

And we're like, you're a baby. Like, you're. There's the Michael Vick with pit bulls. And he's like, oh, I didn't even realize that was a thing. And I'm like, then that's worse. You're unaware. Then you're dumb and dumb.

[Brett]

There's so many other quarterbacks you could have chosen.

[Dale Hellister]

You can love Michael Vick for your comparable game styles.

[Brett]

Right.

[Dale Hellister]

But you can't wear your OJ jersey as a running back anymore and walk around white whipp. You just can't do it.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellister]

Just know better. So there's certain things where you're like, all right, Kyler, but good guidance stops that. A good coach steps in and goes coaching. You do this again and I swear to God, I'll bounce your little ass off every wall in this building.

[Brett]

Or your agent. Your agent.

[Dale Hellister]

Coach, he doesn't have anyone in his life saying, stop it.

[Brett]

Right.

[Dale Hellister]

He's a PR guy. He needs a consigliere. And I read yesterday, a consigliati. Brett, explain making the decisions for the boss. Like, kind of like, watch the Sopranos,

[Guest]

introduce them to the right people.

[Dale Hellister]

You never watched the Sopranos.

[Brett]

I'm Not Italian.

[Dale Hellister]

You don't have to either. Yeah, I'm Swedish. You never watched the Sopranos.

[Brett]

I didn't.

[Dale Hellister]

Why?

[Brett]

The language was.

[Dale Hellister]

Oh, my God, you're such a homo effort. You almost made me say it. The lang. You weren't. So what you just said was. I'll read between the lines. I'm good at this. Your wife wouldn't let you watch the Sopranos.

[Brett]

I just.

[Dale Hellister]

Nah, what I just said is true.

[Brett]

It just never enticed me.

[Dale Hellister]

Your wife wouldn't allow it in the

[Guest]

house if it wasn't programmed. They couldn't watch together.

[Dale Hellister]

You're not allowed.

[Brett]

We had the PG controls on.

[Dale Hellister]

My God.

[Guest]

Dell control.

[Brett]

Yeah, your ma.

[Dale Hellister]

Does your wife have any idea how you talk to me? Can I meet Brooke and just go through? You're not.

[Brett]

You're not ever meeting Brooke.

[Dale Hellister]

I can't meet her because you're worried I might go. And then Dale said, oh,

[Brett]

you'll have a no card.

[Dale Hellister]

I have my text. I just break out my text that say, hey, C word.

[Brett]

Erase those. No.

[Guest]

Your brand liability.

[Dale Hellister]

I am. My brand liability is to out him. I have voice messages. Why don't you do that?

[Guest]

That's not a friend.

[Dale Hellister]

I'm not. But if I'm not allowed to meet his wife because of me, she needs to know the truth. Because he's not a friend.

[Brett]

Every time I get done with a text throw with Johnny Erase, it's like

[Dale Hellister]

we're sending dick pics. Oh, my God. You didn't watch the Sopranos because you weren't allowed.

[Guest]

Dale still gets a shakedown.

[Dale Hellister]

Just say it out loud.

[Brett]

I don't show any. I really. It didn't catch my interest.

[Dale Hellister]

It didn't. It's the greatest show ever.

[Brett]

It's like Landman. Everybody says, oh, you gotta watch. You gotta watch four episodes. Yeah, it's okay if I have to watch more than half of an episode to catch my attention.

[Dale Hellister]

Yeah, that's not what the sprouts.

[Guest]

I'm telling you, Dale. Yeah, it's. It's no land, man.

[Dale Hellister]

The Sopranos is legendary.

[Guest]

And it still holds up.

[Dale Hellister]

Of course it does, because legendary stuff does.

[Brett]

Who's the star?

[Dale Hellister]

James Gandolfini. Are you out of. Were you kidnapped by aliens for a decade? What in the world?

[Brett]

I never watched Scarface.

[Dale Hellister]

Well, that's.

[Guest]

That's.

[Dale Hellister]

You weren't allowed.

[Brett]

No, I. It just didn't.

[Dale Hellister]

Scarface is good if you're a college kid. It's about Cubans. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what that is. Yeah, It's Cubans.

[Brett]

Yeah. All right, that's. I lived through the mafia, Johnny.

[Dale Hellister]

You did not.

[Brett]

I, I, I was in the mafia.

[Dale Hellister]

You were an smu?

[Brett]

Yeah, I saw, I saw people who had been killed, you know.

[Dale Hellister]

Well, then the Soprano should be more interesting because you're like.

[Brett]

Oh, it was.

[Dale Hellister]

It reminds me of that guy that time Trans Am.

[Brett]

Honestly, it was an eerie feeling when I was sitting in that office and they showed him. Manila envelope.

[Dale Hellister]

Yeah.

[Brett]

With.

[Dale Hellister]

Oh, yeah. You saw.

[Brett]

Yeah. Two pictures of what?

[Guest]

Daniel Love, Sopranos.

[Dale Hellister]

Yes.

[Brett]

No, it was, it was scary. That's what the Sopranos are huge guys standing in the. In the drawer way with coats and this family.

[Dale Hellister]

You believe this, Brett? This guy over here didn't watch the show one time. Unbelievable. What kind of are you Tell your wife what's on TV and send her out of the room. You go watch the Real Housewives of Bitchville. I'm gonna watch what I want. Did you watch Breaking Bad? Not allowed.

[Brett]

No. No. What?

[Dale Hellister]

There was no cussing in that. There was a little, but.

[Brett]

Yeah, but it was a little. It wouldn't be because of the cussing. That subject matter just doesn't.

[Dale Hellister]

Awesomeness doesn't excite you? What excites you, Dale? Greatest television show of all time. Dale Hellischer.

[Brett]

Oh, of all time. Well, I liked all the Cheers.

[Dale Hellister]

Oh, that's great stuff. Comedies.

[Brett]

Yes. But like, what? I'm more of a comedy guy. I'm a happy guy.

[Dale Hellister]

I am too, D. I'm not a killer. I'm not either, Dan. And I love a good comedy.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellister]

But let's talk about great television.

[Guest]

Some real funny stuff in Sopranos.

[Brett]

What? What if. How about American Idol? Yeah, okay.

[Dale Hellister]

Come on, man. Jesus Christ. You're going to grow mickeyers right in front of me. You're a. You're a big lumbering man. Who called. You called me a. At dinner cuz I ordered risotto.

[Brett]

Yes, thank you.

[Dale Hellister]

You called me the homo.

[Brett]

F word. I've never heard a guy have the word risotto come out of his head. It's not.

[Dale Hellister]

It's not gay food. No, it's not. And you said you called me an effing homo.

[Guest]

How many times was it called out in Hell's Kitchen?

[Dale Hellister]

Risotto's like, great.

[Brett]

And there was shrimp.

[Dale Hellister]

I had like the most fattening meal of the entire.

[Guest]

I don't get the shrimp gate.

[Dale Hellister]

Oh, that's true. That's scampi. It's shrimp scampi with rice. Same thing. That's all risotto.

[Brett]

Was Risotto's. But that's like a pompous way to say it. That's. I'm better than you.

[Dale Hellister]

Scampi is a compass Said. I bet this stupid giant ape hasn't seen the Godfather either. Please tell me you've seen the Godfather.

[Brett]

I have not. Dale.

[Dale Hellister]

Hell, you're no longer our friend.

[Brett]

That's. That's a new. Wrong.

[Guest]

New game. Has Dale seen it?

[Dale Hellister]

Has Dale seen it? Do you watch any quiz shows? It's just got to be. They're speaking Spanish.

[Guest]

How about this Little House on the Prairie?

[Brett]

I did see that. I knew it growing up. I saw Wallace and Labo when I was growing up.

[Dale Hellister]

What's the dirtiest movie you've watched? Any, like, Quentin Tarantino stuff?

[Guest]

Blazing Saddles.

[Dale Hellister]

He's got Larry excited. Like Quentin Tarantino.

[Brett]

Well, what are some of his movies?

[Dale Hellister]

Reservoir Fiction, Pulp Fiction, Jackie Brown. Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. Great movies, I think.

[Brett]

Quentin Tarantino, Django.

[Dale Hellister]

Django.

[Brett]

Jag off.

[Dale Hellister]

Well, go on, expound on that.

[Brett]

Just a little bit. I've seen of him.

[Dale Hellister]

Well, they're probably.

[Brett]

But you.

[Dale Hellister]

It's like you don't.

[Brett]

I did see a little bit of that Once Upon a Night in Hollywood or whatever, and I. I walked out. It was stupid.

[Dale Hellister]

Amazing movie.

[Brett]

It was stupid. You guys have the intellect of an ant.

[Dale Hellister]

Oh, my God. Meanwhile, you're trying to bring his American. I was gonna say trying to keep up with the American Idol plot points.

[Nick Delito]

Unbelievable.

[Guest]

Masked singer.

[Dale Hellister]

Somebody just text me.

[Brett]

No, I don't watch.

[Nick Delito]

Okay.

[Dale Hellister]

I swear to God, I hate Dale right now. God awful taste in music. Hates rock music. And now he's never seen the Sopranos. His take on everything is immediately disqualified till he gets a spine and his balls back and tells his wife he's gonna watch some good stuff. That's amazing.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Nick Delito]

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[Dale Hellister]

It's John Holberg here, shilling away for new acunit.com I've been telling you about the amazing new ac unit.com for about three years. New acunit.com put the power back in your hands. Three easy steps online gets you your unit ordered, inspected and installed by the best in the business. And I'm super excited to tell you that new aceunit.com now offers many splits. If you work in a garage, a casita, or even have like a man cave somewhere back in that garage, mini splits can must. New ac unit.com has it now and you can install it. They'll even include the electrical. Save thousands. Save time. Buy online new AC unit.comberg's morning sickness. Let's.

[Guest]

And then growing up, you didn't want. You didn't. Did you go to the Star wars or any of those?

[Brett]

I never saw Star Wars.

[Dale Hellister]

What, were you in prison? You never saw Star Wars?

[Brett]

It didn't interview me.

[Guest]

What about Jaws?

[Brett]

I saw Jaws. Yeah, I saw Jaws. Poseidon Adventure was, I think, one of the first movies.

[Dale Hellister]

Absolute garbage.

[Brett]

No, that was big cinema.

[Dale Hellister]

Sling Blade. You ever watch Sling Blade?

[Brett]

I've seen highlights.

[Dale Hellister]

Highlights? There's no highlights in Sling Blade. You either saw it or you didn't.

[Brett]

No, I didn't.

[Dale Hellister]

Why didn't you want to see it? Because you don't like being reminded of mentally ill people.

[Guest]

Wow.

[Brett]

You're going there.

[Dale Hellister]

Blazing Saddles. Blazing Saddles. You've seen Young Frankenstein?

[Brett]

No.

[Dale Hellister]

Rocky?

[Brett]

Yes.

[Dale Hellister]

Okay.

[Brett]

A bunch of Rockies. Oh, well, I stopped at about three.

[Dale Hellister]

Four is pretty good.

[Guest]

What about any Rambos?

[Brett]

All the Rambos. So, basically, yeah, I, I, I like tough guy movies, John. You know what I'm saying?

[Dale Hellister]

I'm gonna throw up. I'm gonna throw up. Then you'd love the Sopranos.

[Brett]

I might. Maybe I should try it.

[Dale Hellister]

You're not allowed. I just want to hear Godfather. That's clean. There's no bad language in that.

[Brett]

Really?

[Dale Hellister]

Not at all. That's very true. It's like, one of the greatest movies ever. Yeah.

[Brett]

It's not Godfather or Godfather 2 or Godfather 3.

[Dale Hellister]

1 and 2, 3.

[Guest]

1 and 2.

[Dale Hellister]

Man, you have shocked the world today.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellister]

Yeah. Since I almost broke and kicked my truck's radio and Dale said, who stars in it? Tell Brett to go smack him in the mouth.

[Brett]

Oh, you don't want to get into that.

[Dale Hellister]

They asked if you've seen the Notebook.

[Brett]

Have you seen that? I have not seen.

[Dale Hellister]

You have to.

[Brett]

I've not seen the Notebook.

[Dale Hellister]

You big Sandra Bullock fan.

[Brett]

Oh, I do. Like.

[Dale Hellister]

I bet you do because you're allowed to watch her movies. Yeah, yeah.

[Brett]

No, no, no. The.

[Dale Hellister]

The.

[Brett]

The. The.

[Dale Hellister]

The lake house. Yes, you've seen. You have to watch rom coms, don't you?

[Brett]

No, I don't have to.

[Dale Hellister]

Yeah, you do. That's what's on. But he wants to. I want to meet Brooks so bad.

[Brett]

I usually. The thing is, with TV and me, it's like. Usually I watch sports.

[Dale Hellister]

Yeah, me too.

[Brett]

Or news.

[Dale Hellister]

Me, too.

[Guest]

And action films.

[Brett]

And they'll watch an action film here or there.

[Dale Hellister]

What?

[Brett]

There hasn't been anything put out in the last two.

[Dale Hellister]

But you're not allowed to come home today. I just want to hear you say it. You're not allowed to go home today and go, hey, Brooke. And the guy said, sopranos is good. And take that chance.

[Brett]

She said she'll say, do you want to watch it? I'll. I'll sit down with you. Language is brutal. Oh,

[Dale Hellister]

I don't want to watch that. Godfather. Safe. Sopranos.

[Guest]

Brook will say, I want to watch Missing in Action again.

[Dale Hellister]

Right. Maybe I just want to hear you say it. You're not allowed to watch it.

[Brett]

I would probably be. I would probably be.

[Dale Hellister]

Just say it.

[Brett]

No, not. Not forbidden to watch it, but I would be. It would be uncomfortable.

[Guest]

You have to watch it by yourself.

[Brett]

Just say it and go. My office. Not.

[Dale Hellister]

Yeah, go.

[Brett]

My office. Just f bombs all over the place

[Dale Hellister]

like your regular life is via my texts. Hey, C word. Call me.

[Brett]

Yes.

[Dale Hellister]

You called me the other day, and I said hello very kindly, and I just heard C word. That's how he says hi to me,

[Brett]

because that's how you've addressed me.

[Dale Hellister]

I said hello.

[Brett]

I wanted to come over and visit with you.

[Dale Hellister]

That was very nice. I will say that Dale did threaten to come over and entertain me while I was face down on the couch.

[Brett]

Face down by yourself? Ass up.

[Dale Hellister]

Yeah. Last thing you want is a lumbering giant to come in the door when your ass is vulnerable like that.

[Brett]

But he did.

[Dale Hellister]

You were very nice when you were. I can't imagine what you're going through. I'm like, wow. Dale's showing empathy and kindness. He goes, if you want me to come by and. And say hi. I'm like, I'm avoiding all distractions. That's very kind of you, but there's. And then I said, we can watch Sopranos together. And his wife's like. And I was like, what's going on?

[Brett]

What are you doing over. John. Yes.

[Dale Hellister]

Huh? I won't even ask about Casino. He doesn't even. He never heard of it.

[Brett]

I think I've seen. That's James Khan, right?

[Dale Hellister]

No, no, that was Vegas. What was that weekend in Vegas with Sarah Jessica Parker and Sharon Stone. You're not allowed.

[Brett]

I think I've seen the casino.

[Dale Hellister]

You have not seen Casino.

[Brett]

Don't tell me what I've done.

[Dale Hellister]

Where do you get to nerve telling me that, you Jew? And like, in a minute, you're not allowed to watch this anymore. Dale. I like Brooke. I like that she's controlling you.

[Guest]

This.

[Dale Hellister]

You are a puppet. And you are. You are. You're also barely allowed here. She still doesn't know you're here on Thursday.

[Brett]

She doesn't

[Dale Hellister]

give me your number. She. I would charm her.

[Brett]

Oh, you would not.

[Dale Hellister]

You right out of her Mormon underwear thing.

[Brett]

Out. And you. God, Dale in trouble.

[Dale Hellister]

I would not get you in trouble. She would be like, you are so engaging.

[Brett]

Why have you kept. She did say that one night when I wanted to. One of the Steelers games.

[Dale Hellister]

Yeah. Can I come?

[Brett]

I said, why don't you ever invite me? I said, john hasn't invited you.

[Dale Hellister]

Well, I'm not allowed.

[Brett]

Brooke. John doesn't like girls.

[Dale Hellister]

No, your daughters. Your daughters and your son in law, Scott, who I think is awesome. They listen every once in a while. And please, by all means, tell Brooke I'm looking forward to seeing. I know how scary is Brooke to these people?

[Comedy Club Announcer]

Like they're.

[Dale Hellister]

You've got them worried that she'll kill you.

[Brett]

Yeah. I don't know.

[Dale Hellister]

Blink twice if you're in. If you're in danger. You know, doctors always ask, you go in there. Like, I think I broke my.

[Brett]

When I think about this, it really is interesting.

[Dale Hellister]

It's wildly interesting. You're scared to.

[Brett]

Because there's some people at church that come up and say, dale, I really love listening to you on Thursday. I said, you listen to home birth.

[Dale Hellister]

Yes.

[Brett]

And go to church.

[Dale Hellister]

Well, that's a thing.

[Brett]

Which church?

[Dale Hellister]

Both of Them are ludicrous ideas.

[Brett]

Why not?

[Guest]

And that was the pastor from the

[Dale Hellister]

church, and the pastor probably did it. He goes, you meet my boyfriend, the little boy standing next to him. Yeah, that's right, Dale. That's exactly right.

[Brett]

Whoa.

[Dale Hellister]

Your jaw hit the ground. Hey, look, how much did.

[Brett]

What is it, Dan? Is that. Is that. How much scarring did he leave on you?

[Dale Hellister]

None. It wasn't me. It was the Catholic church being across the street from my school.

[Brett]

You already said that. You wonder why father never came after

[Dale Hellister]

you and there's so much rape. You know what else? Yeah, that's fact that I never got approached by that pedophile over there at St. Tim's and he never, ever wanted to bang.

[Brett]

Wanted to be approached?

[Dale Hellister]

Yeah. Guy was raping people like raindrops hit the ground, and I somehow I dodged all of it. Crazy. You know what else I'm upset about? All these people that'll. That'll email me and say, you're just part of the. You're just part of the media. They make you say this and they do that. You join the cult and they pay you. I'm like, I would kill for that. Like, I would be so, like, they say that stuff about, like, conspiracies, like, Nash knows where. They tell everybody, oh, they're part of Pizzagate and they're all in on the secret. And there's, you know, child trafficking and Tom Hanks eats babies. And I'm like, I'm upset because people think, like, you're just part of the media. They tell you, like, I would love that to be approached and have them say, you want in the club? Like, heck, yeah, I want Epstein island and stuff like that. I won't participate, but I want to go.

[Brett]

Yeah, I would do. Would you wreak havoc?

[Dale Hellister]

I'd just hang out like Clinton did and just be in the pool just going, she's got a great ass. I think that one's gonna get me. And then Bill and I would have fun together. I would love to be part of that crew.

[Brett]

Right.

[Dale Hellister]

But they don't want.

[Brett]

They don't want any of us.

[Dale Hellister]

People always say that, like, oh, you're just a. You're just a shill for the. For the political machine that makes you guys say, this Media's forced to go down that road. You're afraid to do it.

[Brett]

I'm like, wait, media?

[Dale Hellister]

That's what I think.

[Brett]

No, that's what I say. What are you getting the idea that I'm important stuff? I hear you wrong.

[Dale Hellister]

Anyway, that's Brady you're talking about pretty much on point. Are you watching the war?

[Brett]

I am.

[Dale Hellister]

Pretty awesome, isn't it?

[Brett]

It's pretty spectacular, what it was.

[Dale Hellister]

And these Iranians get blown up one day after another. Little heat seeking. The little orange dudes running around just got video of them. It's awesome.

[Brett]

Well, what I. The thing that probably grabbed my attention the most was one of our flight fighter jets dodging a. Oh, that was great.

[Dale Hellister]

Video running around there.

[Brett]

Just you, we, the four of us are pooping our pants.

[Dale Hellister]

You know what, I had a guy email me about that and he goes, you know what's great about that is the pilot has to engage all that, but he's not doing any of the flying at that point. It's the heat from the things that he, he can fly, but it knows what to duck.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellister]

And it knows the pattern. Like it's got a computer program that knows the pattern.

[Brett]

Now what's his name?

[Dale Hellister]

Not to take anything away from the pilots because they're doing amazing work, but the planes are equipped with such amazing technology that it can run from things shot at it. And that's why it puts. The pilot's job is to go and put those heat things straight and then, and then the thing will go after that and it's pretty awesome.

[Brett]

It's pretty crazy.

[Dale Hellister]

Pretty great. Yeah.

[Brett]

Who are you rooting for?

[Dale Hellister]

I got Iran in seven.

[Brett]

Seven days.

[Dale Hellister]

I don't know.

[Brett]

I don't know.

[Dale Hellister]

That's what MSNBC is rooting for, Iran. So I watched that too. Back to Kyler real quick.

[Brett]

Yes,

[Dale Hellister]

because you said you'd never seen the Sopranos and everybody started to hate you, so your opinion means nothing. You're not a well versed man.

[Brett]

I. I'm a pretty simple man, John.

[Dale Hellister]

Yeah, you are.

[Brett]

I'm pretty simple. Wow. But I do have opinions on sports things.

[Dale Hellister]

That's true. You do know your sports. So maybe it's just you're hyper focused on one single thing

[Brett]

we watch. Chicago Mad is one TV show.

[Dale Hellister]

Don't you love it when they merge with Chicago Hope of Chicago?

[Guest]

Oh, the crossover.

[Brett]

There's no Chicago Hope.

[Dale Hellister]

There's a Chicago.

[Brett]

No, there's not.

[Dale Hellister]

There is.

[Brett]

It's Chicago Mad, Chicago Fire, Chicago Police, Chicago Hope. I don't know that.

[Guest]

Maybe it got cut.

[Dale Hellister]

It was a hospital.

[Brett]

Sounds soft.

[Dale Hellister]

Oh, yeah, you're the one that talks while you're watching the lake house. Kyler Murray. I read yesterday that his price tag for a new team might be $2 million.

[Brett]

Yeah, because he's getting money.

[Dale Hellister]

Because he's getting 36. So he's basically in the Russell Wilson prove it deal.

[Brett]

Here's.

[Dale Hellister]

Here's what do you take that chance you do right.

[Brett]

If you're a Cardinals fan.

[Dale Hellister]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Be prepared for him going to a Minnesota.

[Dale Hellister]

Oh.

[Brett]

Something like that. Pittsburgh. And. And him becoming a thing.

[Dale Hellister]

A better thing.

[Brett]

A Sam Darnold.

[Dale Hellister]

Yeah. I don't know if he's that good.

[Brett]

Well, either. But I'm talking about a resurrection potential to where you go. Yeah. Why didn't we see.

[Dale Hellister]

What you're gonna see, I think firmly is out loud. Oh, it's nine. Did I get a nine o' clock word?

[Brett]

I did.

[Dale Hellister]

It's one the out loud. You're going to see it wasn't his fault.

[Brett]

Right.

[Dale Hellister]

He may not get you to 15 wins like Darnold did and have some crazy breakout year, but you're gonna see. Oh my God. With proper guidance and an offensive line, this dude can damage and.

[Brett]

And a good head coach with an organization that is behind you. Yeah. But remember Sam Darnold was caught on.

[Dale Hellister]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Video saying, I'm seeing ghosts.

[Dale Hellister]

Yeah. And they made fun of him.

[Brett]

Yes.

[Dale Hellister]

Instead of the coach going, that's on me.

[Brett]

I'm seeing. Why are you seeing ghosts? Are you being coached up? What's going on here? No, it's him.

[Dale Hellister]

Quarterbacks who see ghosts are unprepared. Quarterbacks. That's immediately on coach.

[Brett]

And here's the other thing I get a kick out of a lot of people here in Arizona. They make fun of the jets and their organization and you could throw Cardinals Jetsons in the blender press frappe and you don't know the difference. Yeah.

[Dale Hellister]

In Risotto's game.

[Brett]

Yeah. Propag. Johnny. No.

[Dale Hellister]

Who would you rather play for? What organization? Cardinals or Jets?

[Brett]

Well, you're talking to a guy got drafted by the Bills who at that point were horrible. They just about. That's just like.

[Dale Hellister]

But in this day and age, at

[Brett]

least in Arizona you got the weather, you got golf.

[Guest]

You're going down in New York there.

[Dale Hellister]

You got New York, New York, you got Manhattan. Basically what Brett was asking was you're in prison. Anal or oral?

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellister]

You. It's a fact. Because I'm like. I guess oral, but I gotta look at it. Pubes in my eyes. And at least the other way I don't see them.

[Brett]

See, you thought about that?

[Dale Hellister]

Of course I did. I'm a man with the brain.

[Guest]

It could be a choice for him.

[Dale Hellister]

I'm a man with a brain that's allowed to explore. Unlike you.

[Brett]

That's Weird.

[Dale Hellister]

You've got the bumper pool things up. You're not allowed to go to the gutter. I am allowed in the gutter. It's 9:46. Dale's here with us. Anything else happen in sports? Well, I mean, they had the hockey thing. That was pretty fun.

[Guest]

Did you watch a lot of Olympics?

[Brett]

I did more than I usually do. Winter lift.

[Dale Hellister]

Are you allowed to watch female figure skating? That gets pretty risky.

[Brett]

Yeah. You know, those hands go some places

[Dale Hellister]

a lot of times in those thongs. I'm starting to wear just thongs out right now.

[Brett]

What I always wonder is when I see these ski jumpers.

[Dale Hellister]

Yeah.

[Brett]

And okay, you go down, you're 16 years old, and you do one flip trip and you're like, yeah, that was easy. I'm gonna do two. When do you start saying, I'm gonna do triple. Three triples. And I'm gonna do a couple twirls.

[Dale Hellister]

Where do you do it?

[Brett]

Do whatever.

[Dale Hellister]

Like, how do you talk somebody and go, can I use your ramp? Like, how do you get to where you're. You're riding down the. The 90 footer and some are doing

[Guest]

it on that dry ramp, which you

[Dale Hellister]

see rollers, but it's just like. It's like a mile long. So you can get enough speed to throw yourself through Earth 7,000ft. And it's like. I'm good at that.

[Brett]

This. It's like the. It's like the Summer Olympics. Those divers from the high dive. No, I mean, I jumped off one

[Dale Hellister]

once of a high dive.

[Brett]

Yeah. I mean, the platform. The highest platform. Yeah.

[Dale Hellister]

I cried in eighth grade when we were all forced to climb. Coach Flake made us. Did you have to do that at Rhodes, too? We had to do the high dye for no reason.

[Comedy Club Announcer]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellister]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Other.

[Dale Hellister]

The only reason that they did that at Rhodes was to abuse us. All right, we're all going to do some diving. It was February. Wasn't a heated pool either. No, I know. And we did swimming and you were a. To not get in, but it was horrible. We didn't have to do the high dive. We just had to do the high dive. We did, but we just jump off it. Nobody was diving in. He did it because I know you guys want to, but we're gonna do it safe and we're gonna do it simple.

[Brett]

And everybody.

[Dale Hellister]

We're all climbing the ladder real slow. Next Linkus jump and Todd. And I'm standing up there and I'm looking. I'm like. It started. I was kind of quiet about it.

[Guest]

Dad's there Just shaking.

[Dale Hellister]

Only reason I did it. And I was scared the whole time, so the water covered my tears. I was horrified up there. I did not like that at all.

[Brett]

Well, I, I heard you on the the way my other award winning show and somebody's looking at a watch, but you just feel it. Do you just.

[Dale Hellister]

Yeah, that's a plague.

[Brett]

When did your dad stop banging on you for being gay?

[Dale Hellister]

Yeah, he never did out loud to be. But clearly he thought I was a homosexual. Tell us. Well, I started, I. I had a girlfriend that was staying the night and I think he was pretty happy about that.

[Brett]

Was he?

[Dale Hellister]

Yeah, I think that made him.

[Brett]

Your mom telling, hey, get in there. Yeah.

[Dale Hellister]

She would say st. And he'd knock on the door, go, hey, open the door. No, I was like 20.

[Guest]

I just thought, I just thought. I said, what if he has the notebook?

[Dale Hellister]

Oh, he had my notebook about vagina poems. My uncle stayed with us for a little while and he locked himself out of the house because he drank a lot. And at two in the morning I heard the gate because my bedroom was by the side gate to the back door. And I heard it open, but I wasn't thinking because I was just full on doggy ripping and I'm going crazy on this girl. And my uncle poked his head in the window. He said, I was going to interrupt you, he said, but I, you know, I saw you were in the middle of the whole bang away. And I'm like, what? You saw that? He goes, yeah. And he goes, you took forever, by the way. I said I needed to get in the house. I'm like, that's what I do. And the next thing you know, my dad's like, Dennis told me what was going on. So big smile on his face, proud of your son. I don't care if you get her pregnant or not. Good work.

[Brett]

I'll pay for you.

[Dale Hellister]

I'll pay for that. At least you're putting it in the right place. I was worried you and that Mark boy were gonna not get pregnant together too.

[Guest]

Oh, and Charles was daddy.

[Brett]

It was awful.

[Dale Hellister]

Oh my God. I was back door on her and she's got this thing called a wahina. I don't even like to look at it. Looks like half a cut tomato.

[Brett]

Anyway, where did your mind go?

[Dale Hellister]

Anyway, Dale Hellister is here. We'll do the entertainment drill next. It's 98.

[Guest]

It's not weird.

[Dale Hellister]

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