03-06-25 - BR - THU - Brady Has List Of Best Fast Food Fish Sandwiches - 70 Percent Of People Want More Privacy In Public Toilets - Scotland Hiring Two Skippers To Be Loch Ness Monster Tour Guides

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona

Episode Summary | March 6, 2025

Hosted by John Holmberg with Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo on 98 KUPD | Hubbard Radio

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Introduction and Band Announcements

The episode opens with John Holmberg sharing exciting news about upcoming concerts. He announces that Volbeat will be performing in town on July 26th alongside Hailstorm. Holmberg humorously speculates about the concert's timing, pondering who might be celebrating their birthday on that date:

John Holmberg [00:35]: "July 26th. Oh, oh, oh, whose birthday is that, I wonder, huh?"

Brady Bogen adds to the excitement, mentioning the band's decision to perform locally as a birthday gesture for Holmberg:

John Holmberg [01:01]: "Volbeat, Hailstorm out at the shed talking stick. It's gonna be fun."

Holmberg also reminisces about Brad Williams' (a former show member) potential final performance, hinting at his transition away from the show:

John Holmberg [02:31]: "I'll miss Brad, but I knew him when... We'll always be together."

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Best Fast Food Fish Sandwiches for Lent

Brady Bogen introduces a segment focused on the best fast food fish sandwiches, aligning with the start of Lent, a period where many observe dietary restrictions, including abstaining from meat on Fridays.

Brady's Top Five Fast Food Fish Sandwiches:

1. Burger King's Fiery Big Fish Sandwich

   • Brady Bogen [07:19]: "Coming in at number one, Burger King's Fiery Big Fish Sandwich."

2. Checkers Crispy Fish Sandwich

   • Brady Bogen [07:24]: "Number two, Checkers Crispy Fish Sandwich."

3. Arby's Crispy Fish

   • Brady Bogen [07:27]: "Number three, Arby's Crispy Fish."

4. Arby's King Hawaiian Fish Deluxe

   • Brady Bogen [07:29]: "Number four, Arby's King Hawaiian Fish Deluxe."

5. Burger King's King Big Fish

   • Brady Bogen [07:38]: "Number five, Burger King's King Big Fish."

Discussion and Reactions:

• Ralph [07:41]: "I never knew anybody else had one."

• Ralph [08:15]: "I don't trust their fish."

• Ralph [08:29]: "If your focus is fish, fast food fish, and you don't score in the top five, and Arby's does twice, and close your doors."

• Ralph [09:17]: "My Jew broad had a fiery big fish once. He spent a week in the hospital."

Holmberg critiques the rankings, expressing surprise and skepticism, especially towards Arby's multiple entries. The hosts engage in playful banter, debating the merits and flavors of each sandwich, with Ralph expressing a strong disdain for certain fast food chains' fish offerings.

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Privacy Concerns in Public Bathrooms

A significant portion of the discussion revolves around a recent poll indicating that 70% of Americans feel they lack adequate privacy in public bathroom stalls, with 53% advocating for the elimination of gaps in stall doors.

Key Poll Findings:

• 70% want more privacy in public toilets.
• 53% desire the removal of door gaps to prevent peeking.

Host Insights and Suggestions:

• John Holmberg [10:55]: "Should have your back turned. Even the ladies. You should reverse cowgirl the toilet seat so you don't have to worry about anybody peeking in."

• Brady Bogen [11:12]: "88 or 86% wish bathrooms had in the high traffic areas had a display outside that showed how many stalls were open."

• Brady Bogen [11:21]: "Almost 50% would like timers on each stall. Like they do this in Japan."

Discussion Points:

• Improving Privacy:

  • Eliminating gaps in stall doors to prevent visual intrusion.
  • Installing displays indicating available stalls to reduce wait times and unnecessary exposure.
  • Implementing timer mechanisms to manage stall usage duration, similar to practices in Japan.

• Humorous Takes:

  • Holmberg jokes about unconventional solutions like reversing toilet seat positions.
  • The hosts debate the practicality of the proposed solutions, blending humor with genuine concern over privacy issues.

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Scotland's Loch Ness Monster Tour Guides Wanted

Brady Bogen transitions to a lighter, more whimsical topic: Scotland is hiring two skippers to serve as Loch Ness Monster tour guides. The positions offer approximately $250 per day and require residency in Scotland.

Job Details:

• Position: Skipper for Loch Ness Monster boat tours.
• Duration: March 31 to November 2.
• Compensation: ~$250/day.
• Additional Roles: Assisting at the Loch Ness tourist center, including cleaning and stocking merchandise.

Host Reactions:

• John Holmberg [14:04]: "They just had another messy. They had a sighting the other day. Tourism must be down."

• John Holmberg [14:20]: "First off, it's time we close that second. Just turn it into the Shrek sighting center because you have more of a chance of seeing an actual ogre than this Loch Ness monster that doesn't exist."

• Brady Bogen [16:24]: "They're always squinting. They're pushing a DVD."

Discussion Highlights:

• Skepticism About Nessie's Existence:

  • Holmberg expresses doubt about the Loch Ness Monster, comparing the likelihood of sightings to mythical creatures like Shrek.

• Critique of Tourism Efforts:

  • The hosts mock the idea of monetizing Nessie sightings, suggesting that true enthusiasts seek authentic experiences without guided tours.

• Cultural References:

  • References to bagpipes and traditional Scottish symbols underscore the hosts' humorous take on the supernatural tourism trend.

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Interlude: Brady's Reports and Sponsor Highlights

Throughout the episode, Brady Bogen interjects with Brady Reports, segments sponsored by local businesses like All Pro Shade Concepts, which offers patio shades essential for Arizona's sunny climate.

Sample Sponsor Dialogue:

Brady Bogen [03:18]: "All Pro Shade Concepts, Arizona's best patio shades. You live in Arizona, you gotta have shade."

• Discussion on Patio Shades:
  • Brady and Holmberg discuss the benefits of retractable shades, including energy efficiency and outdoor comfort.

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Viral Video Reactions and Humorous Commentary

The hosts engage in reviewing and humorously critiquing viral videos submitted by listeners, covering a range of topics from mishaps at local establishments to bizarre personal encounters.

Notable Moments:

1. Eastern Indian Taqueria Review:

   • Holmberg comments on the questionable hygiene practices observed in a taqueria's video, blending mockery with exaggerated descriptions.

2. Scooter Incident:

   • A humorous take on a woman riding an electric scooter precariously in traffic, juxtaposed with a man on a motorcycle, leading to playful banter about reckless behavior.

3. Running with the Bulls:

   • The hosts recount a dramatic video of an individual attempting to outrun bulls, culminating in a comedic portrayal of an unsuccessful escape.

4. Oral Sex at a Bus Stop:

   • A controversial and explicit video leads to Holmberg making crude jokes about public decency and personal boundaries.

Example Quote:

John Holmberg [28:11]: "It's straight down into the pee pee. It was firing."

Note: The hosts employ adult humor and explicit language to entertain their audience, characteristic of their show's edgy style.

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Current Events and Pop Culture References

Towards the episode's end, the hosts touch upon recent news and pop culture updates, including:

• Jason Gilder's Arrest:

  • Brady Bogen [19:22]: "Jason swallowed the two sets of earrings. They didn't fool around."

• Monopoly App Banking:

  • Discussion on Hasbro's new digital version of Monopoly, integrating a mobile app to replace traditional banking methods within the game.

John Holmberg [21:33]: "Son of our Scottish friend Thomas Wells. Connor has just texted me and said keep my beautiful country's name out of your whore mouth."

The hosts blend these topics with their signature humor and critical perspectives, offering listeners a mix of information and entertainment.

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Conclusion and Farewells

As the hour progresses, the hosts wrap up the episode with final thoughts and reminders about upcoming shows and segments.

John Holmberg [31:22]: "Brad Williams changed up our schedule. We still got ourselves a Brady Report."

The episode concludes with Holmberg reaffirming the station's commitment to providing engaging and powerful rock radio content to Arizona listeners.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• John Holmberg [00:35]: "July 26th. Oh, oh, oh, whose birthday is that, I wonder, huh?"

• Ralph [08:15]: "I don't trust their fish."

• John Holmberg [11:14]: "Should have your back turned. Even the ladies."

• Brady Bogen [07:19]: "Coming in at number one, Burger King's Fiery Big Fish Sandwich."

• Ralph [09:17]: "My Jew broad had a fiery big fish once. He spent a week in the hospital."

• John Holmberg [14:20]: "Just turn it into the Shrek sighting center because you have more of a chance of seeing an actual ogre."

• Brady Bogen [19:22]: "Jason swallowed the two sets of earrings. They didn't fool around."

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Final Thoughts

This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness masterfully intertwines humor, listener engagement, and topical discussions, creating an entertaining morning routine for Arizona's #1 Morning Radio Show audience. From ranking fast food delicacies to debating public privacy and fantasizing about mythical monster hunts, Holmberg and his team deliver content that's both relatable and amusing, ensuring listeners are both informed and entertained as they start their day.

Transcript

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[Holmberg]

Still streaming Homberg's Morning Sickness online at 98kupd.com concert Psyching Rock. How about that? That's good stuff right there. We announced it this morning because Hailstorm did already. So we're getting on their bandwagon. July 26th. Oh, oh, oh, whose birthday is that, I wonder, huh?

[Brady]

Who?

[Holmberg]

Well, Holmberg Volbeat coming to town July 26th with Hailstorm. I called up the boys and I said, sven, I don't know their names. What are you guys, what are you guys doing July 26th? And they said they were celebrating Holmberg day in Denmark. I'm like, oh, you could, you know what you could do is come on over here and do a show. And they said, okay, for you, for my birthday. So July 26, Volbeat, hailstorm out at the shed talking stick. It's gonna be fun. We're late because Brad Williams was on with us, but that's worth it every time. Brad Williams, possibly his final performance on our show while he hits arenas and theaters and things like that. So from here on out, after knowing Brad for as long as we have, we will then hear the phone calls of, oh, no, no, I'm in town. I'm gonna do celebrity. I'll call you guys, we'll do something. I'll come in and then, oh, my flight got delayed. I'm not getting until Friday afternoon. We won't hear from Brad until he's back in stand up clubs.

[E]

Gonna pull the Adam Ray on us.

[Holmberg]

That's the good. That's good though. It's fun to have been there to been one of the cogs. You know what it's like being bred. It's like dudes that watch the moon shot. Not to over exaggerate a little bit, but who had something to do with putting rivets in one of the. We were one of the rivets. Watching that guy Take off. I like that.

[E]

Until.

[Holmberg]

Until Challenger. And then they have to come back to us and go, well, here's what happened. And I text Brad. I just text Brad and I said. I told him, yeah, where is it? It says, hey, if this is still your phone number, I just want to say thanks for your time this morning. It was a solid last showing. We'll see you in 2029 when you're back to promote the here's what really Happened tour. Love and love. Congratulations on the success. And he goes, yep, thanks. Still me. Delete the number. And I'm like, you got it deleted. So the number's gone. And I'll miss Brad, but I knew him when, you know, it's like. It's almost like Free Willy, only with a little person. You put him back in the ocean. He belongs out there. It's time now for Brady, who's never gonna leave. We'll always be together.

[E]

Thank God.

[Holmberg]

Jesus Christ. That phrase right there scares me. It's the Brady Report. It's brought to you by our friends at all Pro Shade Concepts, Arizona's best patio shades. You live in Arizona. You gotta have shade. And today, not the best example of a day you need shade, but it's still great because you know the heat's coming. So get your estimate today and be ready for summer allpro shadeconcepts.com Brady, you've got the retractable one. Yeah, it's cool.

[Brady]

It also, if you. You put your heater on, it kind of holds the heat in with the shade out. Like a back patio.

[Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

And you roll out the house heater on. If you do a fire pit, you know, one of those propane.

[Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brady]

It holds the.

[Holmberg]

It keeps it. Because you got a little ceiling. Yeah, yeah. It would make sense. Yeah. You get a little more structure. That's cool. So.

[Brady]

And then you put those screens down the side.

[Holmberg]

Oh, you got those two.

[Brady]

Yeah, that's great.

[Holmberg]

You build like another. It's like building a retractable Arizona room.

[Brady]

Yes.

[Holmberg]

Ah, that's cool. I didn't know he had that going on. That's beautiful. If you didn't live in Gilbert, I'd come see that. That sounds nice.

[Brady]

I have it on one side, so laser cannot see whatever's going on. Yeah. If he's peeping over the wall, sure.

[Holmberg]

I'm sure he was doing a lot.

[Brady]

Of that all the time.

[Holmberg]

I was gonna say nothing. People who want more than to sneak a peek at you in the wild. Oh, he's just eating again. He's in the hot tub eating. Which is.

[Brady]

What are you grilling?

[Ralph]

None of your business.

[Holmberg]

Laser. My eyes are up here.

[Dick Toledo]

How long do they stay down? Really? Before you're like, okay, the laser might be looking.

[Holmberg]

I could get a new friend. Yeah. You isolating in a. In a corner is not something I'd picture.

[Brady]

It's mostly for the sun.

[Holmberg]

Probably just putting them up and down and up and down.

[Brady]

If I hear his voice, I put him up.

[Ralph]

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy.

[Holmberg]

Lazier. What's going on?

[Ralph]

Brah.

[Holmberg]

Brah. It happens. But it is cool to. I've seen a few of those things where they got that big retractable. It's neat. Those are cool. I don't really have a good spot, but I have a place I'd want to do it up by my pool. I think I'd be cool. I might be. I might be in the. In the phone call business here soon. Check them out though. And thanks for sponsoring the very pro all pro shadeconcepts.com Brady reported.

[Brady]

Good Thursday morning to you Phoenix. Hello world.

[Holmberg]

Man, we're late.

[Brady]

Happy National Oreo Day.

[Holmberg]

Okay. Sorry about that if that offended you. Brady didn't mean it that way. Cookies. Just Oreo cookies. Brady.

[Brady]

Couple of basis fun facts.

[Holmberg]

So rude sometimes.

[Brady]

There is a religion called Mama Tata which was founded by someone who saw a vision of Jesus riding a motorcycle. It's been around for a hundred years. So it's like a motorized bicycle Back in the day I think it wasn't.

[Dick Toledo]

Like some beatnik poet that's I'm on a Harley or something.

[Holmberg]

When did motorcycles start up? When was that a thing? I think.

[Brady]

I think in the early 1900s.

[Holmberg]

Was it? I know they were in like world 1800s too. Was it?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Holmberg]

Like once they were like bicycles. Right? They strapped them onto bikes. Not those penny wheel bikes. These are whatever those things are called.

[E]

Those was like the high wheel but.

[Holmberg]

They'Ve got like a real name. We've talked about it before. Any tinkle or something?

[Brady]

I think it is Penny wheel. That's right.

[E]

Josh was supposed to get this one for Brady to ride.

[Holmberg]

He said he could get one and we were going to try to throw Brady on top of one of those reenactment my grandfather riding around on whatever the hell farthing. Penny Farley. That's it.

[Brady]

Jody Foster speaks such perfect French that she does her own dubbing for the French versions of her movies.

[Holmberg]

Wow.

[Brady]

Green eyes are the rarest in the world. Only about 2% of people have them. Brown eyes are the most common and with Lent, which started yesterday, 40 days of quitting something, giving up something, and you know, every Friday, eating fish. I know, John. This will be very important for. For everyone here.

[Holmberg]

Sure.

[Brady]

Here are the top five fish sandwiches for fast food according to entertainment.

[Dick Toledo]

You type this into Lent, of course.

[Brady]

You'Re gonna eat fish on Friday.

[Holmberg]

Are you kidding me? Are you? Flat out. How did you manage, I'm interested to.

[Dick Toledo]

Hear more than filet o fish. I didn't know anybody else had one.

[Brady]

Coming in at number four. Ralphie, come on down.

[Ralph]

Yeah, I was just gonna say first off, I'm kind of against this. Not cause of religious reasons, but why would I order a fish at a fast food restaurant that's disgusting. And fries and burgers and deliciousness and by till you said you wouldn't learn about it. Maybe if you'd shut the up sometimes, you could learn something. You know how we don't learn when our lips are flapping?

[Brady]

Coming in at number five, Burger King's King Big Fish.

[E]

I never knew.

[Holmberg]

Never heard of the thing. I didn't know that was a thing.

[Brady]

Number four, Arby's King Hawaiian Fish Deluxe.

[Ralph]

I want to disparage Arby's or anything, but I don't trust their fish.

[Dick Toledo]

They got the meats.

[Ralph]

They've got the meats, not the. I'm not pescatarian. And heading to Arby's.

[Brady]

Number three, Arby's Crispy Fish.

[Ralph]

I'm out. I'm out on this. Arby's did this study, baby.

[Brady]

Number two, Checkers Crispy Fish Sandwich. I think we have a couple here in the Valley.

[Holmberg]

Checkers.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Ralph]

You know who's got the same thing?

[E]

Yeah, I think it's the same thing.

[Ralph]

Let me just say something here real quick. The top five, Long John Silver is not even in it.

[Brady]

They made the top 10.

[Ralph]

Okay. Close your doors.

[Dick Toledo]

Didn't you go with us to the.

[Brady]

Long John Silver focus?

[Ralph]

Yeah. Hush puppies, y'all. Get another Hush Puppies. I tell you that. Here's the thing. If your focus is fish, fast food fish, and you don't score in the top five, and Arby's does twice, and close your doors.

[E]

Play a fish.

[Brady]

Filet of fish came in at eight. What?

[Holmberg]

What?

[Brady]

Number one, second time on the list, Burger King's Fiery Big Fish Sandwich.

[Ralph]

My Jew broad had a fiery big fish once. He spent a week in the hospital.

[E]

Brady, what are your opinions on this?

[Brady]

I haven't had.

[Ralph]

He doesn't eat fast food.

[Brady]

I've had the filet of fish. Okay.

[Ralph]

Raising case doesn't serve fish.

[Brady]

According to this, the first Burger King one. They say it tastes like chicken. Not the fiery big fish, but the other one. Crispy big fish, I think.

[Dick Toledo]

I'm sorry I missed your new sponsor, but Jesus Christ. This fish sandwich news has to be sponsored by M and P Guns. Come buy a gun. Blow your brains out. Because these what the F news?

[Ralph]

Here's the worst thing. Somebody looks like Brady out there is going to drive through a drive through with a friend today and go, you know, that's the number three fish. He's going to have knowledge.

[Brady]

Brett. I'm going to have to try a couple of these. Today it's food. No, tomorrow. Friday. Friday's the fish day.

[Ralph]

You can start early, I'm saying. All right, I gotta go.

[Brady]

Thanks, Ralph.

[Ralph]

I'm gonna go get a burger because I'm not an idiot. Happy birthday. Jesus.

[Holmberg]

I think you missed the point. Morning sickness.

[Brady]

A new poll found 70% of Americans don't feel like they have enough privacy and public bathroom stalls because someone could peek through the gaps in the door. 53% of the people say they want to eliminate the gaps in the bathroom doors.

[E]

So how do you get in? Climb through the over doggy door.

[Holmberg]

There's got to be a gap like okay, yeah, 45.

[E]

It's gonna be a gap.

[Dick Toledo]

They want a jam is what they want.

[Brady]

No, no.

[Holmberg]

Yeah, they want like a door like that.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Holmberg]

For our studio where it actually seals jams. Which basically means wherever you're going, the prices of everything inside just got higher because you had to frame out for doors in.

[E]

Shouldn't be dumping at a restaurant.

[Holmberg]

Exactly. Should have your back turned. Even the ladies. You should reverse cowgirl that toilet seat so you don't have to worry about anybody peeking in.

[E]

Unbelievable.

[Holmberg]

And by the way, who's peeking in? What ladies in a ladies room are peeking in.

[Brady]

If someone's in the stall.

[Holmberg]

I guess I don't right the door shut. I like. I like the.

[Brady]

There's where the point comes. 88 or 86% wish bathrooms had in the high traffic areas had a display outside that showed how many stalls were open. Another almost 50% would like timers on each stall. Like they do this in Japan.

[E]

But he had a deli now service.

[Brady]

Yeah, someone's in there for eight and they basically give you a 10 minute time limit.

[Holmberg]

That's two max. Lock it down in two or don't.

[Brady]

What was your study?

[Dick Toledo]

21 seconds to pee.

[Brady]

Double that and they say 12 seconds for the actual movement of pooing mammals. And I'm like, that'll be the actual act of when it finally comes out. But I don't know how they.

[Holmberg]

It all comes out. You're done in 12 seconds.

[Brady]

Yeah. They say the. The amount of time that I need.

[E]

Job of deuce.

[Brady]

I think they got to do more research on that.

[Holmberg]

No, I think those are those rosebud guys where it just comes tumbling out like you opened a. Like when the lotto balls come out. No way. 12 seconds. I've had singles come out in longer than 12 seconds. I've had to stand up a couple of times.

[Dick Toledo]

Did you say singles?

[Holmberg]

Singles, like you. No. Oh, like your tubes. Like you're throwing out a tube. Not soft serve. Like a legit tube. Looks like it looks like termites. Yikes. Coming out of the bottom of the toilet. I've had to stand up, lean it back, and break it in half. Well, no.

[E]

You want to break the sausage in part or what? I mean.

[Holmberg]

Well, I don't want it to come up and touch my. It'll fold down and rub my balls on the br break. So I have to stand up and kind of. It's almost like when you're trying to unkink a hose. You do a little whip, Kind of give a little ass a twerk. Like a one twerk move. It breaks down the middle, and then I sit back real fast, and it becomes two. That's healthy. Rather than whatever the hell's going on over there when you're making cabbage.

[Brady]

If you're looking for a job right now, if you're been working for the government, you took the buyout. You got dose an opportunity to work in Scotland starting March 31, and I'll end on November 2. There's two vacancies available. They're looking for a couple of skippers to pilot a boat on the Loch Ness and give the tours.

[Holmberg]

They just had another messy. They had a sighting the other day. Tourism must be down.

[Brady]

Well, they need two skippers. It'll pay about 250 bucks a day.

[Holmberg]

You gotta live in Scotland.

[Brady]

Live in Scotland. You know, in Loch Ness, the rent's not that high.

[Holmberg]

No, down there, Scotland, the rent's not that high.

[Brady]

They also are looking. There's some opportunities for people to help work around the Loch Ness tourist center.

[Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady]

From cleaning it to making sure the store is stocked with all the merch.

[Holmberg]

First off, it's time we close that second.

[Brady]

That's 15 bucks an hour.

[Holmberg]

Just turn it into the Shrek sighting center because you have more of a chance of seeing an actual ogre. Than this Loch Ness monster that doesn't exist. And how bad is it that every single day two guys get in a boat? I think today's the day. You guys are the lucky tourists. It's been thousand years since we've actually seen old Nessie, but I think today's the day. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Just take us around the boat. The Dolly steamboat. You're more likely to see the Loch Ness monster.

[E]

A couple of. Yeah, old bitties on there.

[Ralph]

It looked like a lot M M's or anything.

[Holmberg]

Pipe down, lady. We're looking for Nessie.

[Brady]

Oh, just so much bagpipes.

[Holmberg]

Just bag piping up the Arizona. If you look to your ey, there's nothing to your left a bog and we float about lake Nessie to the tunes of the Dolly steamboat. Oh, I can't stand the idea that. That people still spend money and think that today's the day. And for $250 a day, two cruddy Scotsman will drag your ass out into a dirty lake.

[Brady]

Well now, could be a couple of American dudes or.

[Holmberg]

Oh God, well. Cause not even Scots will do it anymore.

[Brady]

Yes, I know better.

[Holmberg]

They're a delusional people.

[Brady]

When I went through with our buddy Thomas Wells. Yeah, he's very upset because the tour center where you're buying merch. All Chinese, all run by.

[Holmberg]

Yeah, he talks about that all the time. And he doesn't call them that. Everybody relax as we look forward as a commercial. Never mind. Well, that's the storm you'll be definitely floating about Nessie with. Because it's never nice here. I hope all the chinkies up front told you that you're probably not gonna see Nessie. Thomas says that constantly. I've been taken over by the Chinese. Well, they know about finding Nessie. They're always squinting.

[Brady]

They're pushing a dvd. I never forget it was up on the TV screen and looking at the bagpipers. All Asian. Thomas, I gotta get one of these.

[Holmberg]

That's kind of our Mexican. Although they didn't swim over. They just traversed Russia. All those bastards. Yeah, they're everywhere. But the Loch Ness monster thing's gotta stop. We don't. You know what? Credit to Americans if you want to go find Bigfoot. You're not hiring a guide. We don't. You gotta do it on your own. There's no like tour group or you know. Although you'd fleece, you know, at least.

[Brady]

See the witch's dumpling.

[Holmberg]

Here we go. Is that it? Oh no, that's a rack. That's right. And we play this song because we're worse than the dolly steamboat.

[Dick Toledo]

He re records this in his bathroom.

[Brady]

Why are you playing?

[E]

The best one I can find.

[Holmberg]

What about Arizona?

[Ralph]

Why are you playing Arizona?

[Holmberg]

I don't know.

[Brady]

It's a cover.

[Holmberg]

Oh, look. Faster. The lead singer of Faster Cats girlfriend just jumped out with the boat. This guy shouldn't have recorded this.

[E]

It was bad enough the first time. How could you make it worse?

[Holmberg]

We didn't want to spend full pull on the original. We redid it. Oh, the Dolly steamboat. Yeah. You're gonna. I would rather do that than go to Scotland at all. Let alone sit on that stupid lake and look for that non existent dinosaur. Did you go on the boat when you were there? No, you just stood on the shore.

[Brady]

Went by the tour center. We stopped over there and they got the paper mache Nessie. And a little pond as you pull in. It's. It's pretty big.

[Holmberg]

Yeah. And then Thomas will whisper to you. It's not real.

[Brady]

What?

[Holmberg]

It's not real. I can't say it out loud. I lose citizenship. There it is. All right, everyone get your guns out and put them firmly up against the palate of your mouth. Welcome to the Dolly steamboat. We're pretty sure Nessie left so we're looking here now on Canyon Lake. This is ptsd. It's terrible. I can't listen to it. Loch Ness monster. Idiots.

[E]

I've done one of the worst experiences of my life. Somebody was there that can relate.

[Holmberg]

You and I were sharing that and it was. It's a top fiver. Oh, it's right behind the big fiery fish sandwich. If I saw the Loch Ness monster, I'd shoot it directly in the head. Dive in and take chunks. You killed Betsy, right? I thought that's what we were doing. No, I just supposed to sight that. I did. I put him right in the sights. Right in the crosshair. I killed him. The mystery solved.

[Brady]

At least they caught something in there.

[Holmberg]

Now what we do is. Stupid lake gray bug.

[Brady]

This 32 year old man from Texas named Jason Gilder. He attempted to steal $1.3 million worth of diamond jewelry from Tiffany and Company.

[Holmberg]

Are you lisping or is it Jason?

[Brady]

Jason.

[Holmberg]

Well, that's annoying.

[Brady]

J Y T H A N. That's Jason.

[Holmberg]

Poor guy. Maybe his parents had a lisp and the hospital just wrote that down. I'm so proud to be parents. We'd like to name him Jason.

[E]

Rudy Giuliani was his dad.

[Holmberg]

Jason called him Jason. Do you want us to spell it? Yeah, just how I'm saying it. Jason.

[Brady]

All right, he was at a Tiffany's in Orlando last month. And on his way out, he got into a scuffle with employees, dropped a ring, but he got away with two sets of diamond earrings worth $610,000. And the other pair was $160,000. Jumped into his SUV, tried to drive all the way back to Texas, but the police tracked him down a few hours later. Before they took him into custody, Jason swallowed the two sets of earrings. They didn't fool around. It just made things messier for the. Messier for the cops because they scanned his body, saw the foreign objects. You notified him that they would collect him after he passed him through his system.

[Holmberg]

Holmberg's morning sickness. You can have them.

[Brady]

He asked, am I gonna be charged for what's in my stomach? And they're like, yes, you are.

[Holmberg]

You're possessing it. If you stole food and ate it.

[Brady]

If it's worth $610,000, like one of.

[Holmberg]

Those gold burgers or something they have, you know, those flaky go. Like if I went to stake 44 and stole the food and. But I ate it as a dining.

[Brady]

Dash, you're just in trouble for the value.

[Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

They're not going to ask for the food back.

[Holmberg]

Yeah. Prove it.

[Brady]

Unless it was gold leaf.

[Holmberg]

Charge. Charge for the possession. Right. Yeah. We'll wait till it passes and we'll analyze it, make sure it was him.

[Brady]

There's a new version of Monopoly coming out that adds a mobile app to replace the banker with physical instead of physical interrupt.

[Holmberg]

Son of our Scottish friend Thomas Wells. Connor has just texted me and said keep my beautiful country's name out of your whore mouth. There's a reason you moved here, Connor, and it's because every day doesn't look like this one here. This is rare where you're from. This is sunny.

[Brady]

Hasbro announced the new version of Monopoly called Monopoly App Banking, which makes the game a little more digital. The board game elements are mostly the same with a few kid friendly tweaks. Park Place and Boardwalk have been switched to rocket launch pad and in the moon. And the other new properties include a chocolate factory, a VR roller coaster, a dinosaur park. Main difference is no banker, no physical money. Instead, there's a mobile app that processes all the transactions. They said it helps cut down on cheating.

[Holmberg]

Right? It's a big problem.

[E]

Yeah, sounds boring.

[Holmberg]

It's a big problem with kids playing Monopoly, which isn't a thing at all.

[Brady]

25 bucks for it that you have.

[Holmberg]

It on like, you can download it.

[Brady]

You buy the game, and the app is free, but you still go off the board.

[Holmberg]

Nobody's playing Monopoly. No, kids are playing Monopoly.

[Brady]

Got a couple of quick Brady videos, right? The first one is the Eastern Indian taqueria.

[Holmberg]

Oh, my favorite.

[Brady]

Yeah, you'll like this place.

[Holmberg]

God, this is gonna be rough.

[Brady]

Check out the dudes.

[Holmberg]

You're saying East India. East India, like the East Indies or like West India? We're in India. We're over in India. All right. Not our Indians is what you meant. Indians of the east, not East India.

[Brady]

I like the tag because this is the sky's.

[Holmberg]

He's moving fast. It's not the cleanest countertop I've ever seen. And he's India.

[E]

That's clean.

[Holmberg]

Right into his hands. And then straight from his dirty, dirty hands into the mouth of the patron.

[Brady]

Now here he is cutting the garlic or onion, I think.

[Holmberg]

Look at his hands. They're crusty, black, callous. They look burned. It looks like burnt marshmallows.

[Brady]

Totally healthy.

[Holmberg]

Oh, and he takes it right out of his hand and puts it in the. In the mouth of the person ordering the store. Looks so neat. Oh, does it?

[Brady]

I mean, well, then, I mean, the.

[Holmberg]

Shelves are in order, but I'm not so.

[Brady]

Not so much about the taqueria.

[Holmberg]

Oh. Right out of his palm. Oh, dirty. I almost said dirty black hand, but on the radio, that would have been bad. You know what I meant.

[Brady]

Next one, we got a girl crossing the street and one of those rented scooters. Electric razor scooters or the birds. The birds.

[Holmberg]

She's scooting along in traffic. A little busy. She's staying on the street. She doesn't look too steady.

[E]

Little.

[Holmberg]

Oh, a guy on a motorcycle behind her.

[Brady]

Can't you ride your motorcycle in your Speedo and T bone by a car?

[Holmberg]

And then she rides directly to the camera.

[Brady]

Yeah, I'd like to filming.

[Holmberg]

She might be the prettiest woman in that country.

[E]

That's gotta be her.

[Holmberg]

Yeah, that's the only reason the guy was filming her in the first place. She's in a short skirt and a bra with a dude in Speedos on a motorcycle.

[Dick Toledo]

He's looking right at his phone, you see?

[Holmberg]

Oh, he's looking at his phone. He's looking at this girl's cans.

[E]

Probably videoing her.

[Holmberg]

She looks like AOC of whatever. They're from Venezuela or something. No one. No man there has a shirt.

[Brady]

It's hot.

[Holmberg]

You ride around with those shirts on. Oh, my goodness. She's not bad. That's I think that's AOC on a scooter.

[Brady]

Ip. All right, the last one is another running with the bulls. I call this. They call it a comeback.

[Holmberg]

Okay, come the bulls. They're running down the alley. Bulls are coming up behind them. Coming in, a guy. Oh, a guy turns to face the bulls. But one bull that already went by turns around and reverses him. Oh, that's gold. Everybody's running east. Here come the bulls. One's. One's already passed this dude confronts the bulls. And one from behind that he did not know was there, direct to the spine, Blows him into the crowd. I love when the bulls win. Love it. Love it. All right, Brett, what do you got?

[E]

All right, start off with a little OSHA type video.

[Holmberg]

We're looking at a guy reaching into some sort of a scoop. It's got some. He's reaching down and pulling out like taffy. It's like. It looks like he's making cotton candy or taffy, only it's pumpkin innards. He reaches down one more time. Oh, he reaches the other side. Oh, it's so close. He reached into the machine. It's got him. It's got him. The machine's got him. It's pulling. Oh, the machine is working. Machine. Machine hit the. Hit the ground. He thought he was safe. And then the machine did one last spin and drug his ass right back in. Oh, that's it.

[E]

I don't have any more.

[Holmberg]

That was the one today. I thought for a second he was going to get out. The machine tips over. It's like, nope. Machine had one more spin left in it.

[E]

Here's a. Oh, man. And before it. Before. Yeah, we'll just watch it.

[Holmberg]

All right. This is. We're on a trail of some sort. There's like a race. Looks like a dog. That dog better not get hurt. Dogs running down the road. It's a dirt road in some cruddy country. Here comes a car speeding around, sees the dog hit a jump right on time. And the dog, which will probably be a meal in that country anyway, just got jumped over. Oh, my God. I don't know what nation that is, but that dog. Yeah, that dog. That dog was.

[E]

Look at that.

[Holmberg]

Oh, he's running. And right on time.

[Brady]

Power of the Subaru.

[Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, man.

[E]

Just ask the Mercury.

[Holmberg]

What are they running Subaru sports cars on dirt tracks for? But that had no suspension at all. It was like they. It was like when the Dukes of Hazzard used to jump. That thing just landed hard.

[E]

How about some torquing yes.

[Holmberg]

Okay, here's a girl's butt. Her pants are half down, and she's twerking. She's clapping it. Oh, she just poops. She's twerking and pooping all over the kitchen floor. Or she's in the bathroom. There's the toilet.

[Brady]

That was 12 seconds.

[Holmberg]

Well, she's got. She's not the one I'm judging the time off of. I think that's been well worn. Oh, God, look at that. Look at this stinging.

[Brady]

Oh, God.

[Holmberg]

Oh, my God. She's clapping her butt cheeks together in a big poop. All right, and now we got. What looks to be. Is that. What is that brand? If that's an eye, I'm gonna go. That's an eyeball. Is that a dog's eye?

[Brady]

Oh, no, that's a penis.

[Holmberg]

It's a skinned penis shaft. Some sort of a weird, bulbous eyeball coming out of the side of it like a bullet. Is that a bullet?

[E]

I don't. I don't know.

[Brady]

I don't have any.

[Holmberg]

You got shot. It is dick. He was shot in the dick. And the cop pulled it off.

[Brady]

22 to the crank.

[Holmberg]

Oh, my God. Right in. It looks like to me. That looks like he was loading it up in his waistband. Yeah, because it was a straight down into the pee pee.

[E]

And we'll just end with some. Some homeless Good times.

[Holmberg]

Homeless Good Times. Starring J.J. walker.

[Brady]

Dino.

[Holmberg]

All right, I'll explain this in a second. There's a. All right, there's a woman who is on a park bench or a bus stop, and she is disgusting. She looks like Louie Anderson.

[Brady]

These are the lost seems scenes from Forrest Gump.

[Holmberg]

And then there's a guy. Yeah, this is the. Tastes like a box of chocolates.

[Brady]

Alopecia.

[Holmberg]

Yeah. And a guy with terrible mange is performing oral sex on a woman at a bus stop. And you can actually see the moment that he contracts herpes onto his face from. She's got to hold her FUPA up to get him in there.

[E]

He keeps on his head and everything else.

[Holmberg]

He's got mange. If that was an animal, he'd be in quarantine at the Humane Society. Making sure he's healthy.

[E]

Grabbing that fat ass.

[Holmberg]

Dude, he's reaching around. He's done this before. And that is legitimate. Bus stop.

[E]

Me in the car.

[Holmberg]

Yeah, that's Brett losing his mind. Bus stop is real. Oh, my Lord. Oral sex at the bus stop on a woman who needs public transportation. You will have bumps. I've always said it. No decent looking woman should ever be at a bus stop in Phoenix, Arizona, because that means she's run out of all options for rides with Waymo and Uber and all the other things. It's proving my point even more. I used to say that before we had ride shares. If you see a pretty girl at the bus stop, it's because she's got so many herpes, nobody will even give her a ride to work. It's a legitimate thing called bus stop, and she's got it. You see a hot girl at a bus stop, I can't imagine what's going on down there, but don't taste it. I'd rather eat all those Arby's fish sandwiches. She's not on the top five. Lent fish fries.

[Brady]

Also, fiery fish.

[Holmberg]

Fiery. Oh, very fiery fish. Very fiery. That's known as the. I think that's the Long John Silver fish is what that is, because you're going to taste a lot of that. The carp. Long John Silver serving a nice carp.

[E]

Oh.

[Holmberg]

Not deveined either. Oh, that was tough. All right. Better late than never. Brad Williams changed up our schedule. We still got ourselves a Brady Report. There it goes. It's 98K, upd, Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect. 98.