03-06-26 - BR - FRI - Two Buck Chuck Wine Won A Wine Award - SW Airlines To Only Clean Premium Seats - Canadian Man Steals Flamingo From Casino And Brady Thinks There Was A Peachy Tuscudero - SciNews On Asteroids, Big Boobs, Chimp Crystals, Thin Mints...

Summary

Podcast Summary: Holmberg’s Morning Sickness (03-06-26)

Main Theme & Purpose

This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness is a classic Friday blend of irreverent humor, oddball news, and mockery of current events. The crew—host John Holmberg and his regulars Brady Bogan, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo—riff on everything from airline cleanliness to science news, the strange exploits of a Canadian tourist, and naturally, their notorious “Brady Report” and infamous Friday “radio videos.” The episode is laced with their signature banter, digressions, and audience-insider jokes.

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Episode Breakdown

1. Contest Updates & Banter (01:00–04:50)

• John addresses the ongoing Metallica contest, participation instructions, and how the winner will be drawn (“not by hand,” but by computer). He narrates his own misadventures with debt collectors, including negotiating down a stranger’s bill while pretending to be “Raj Mahaffi.”
  • Notable quote:
    • “I negotiated down at…I think it was at 14,000 at one point, and they said, ‘we’re gonna only hold you to nine of it.’ And I’m like, well, you’re not getting that.” —John Holmberg (03:36)

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2. News Highlights & Weird Stories

Fun Facts & Two Buck Chuck (06:46–09:57)

• Brady opens with today’s odd holidays (Oreo Cookie Day, Dentist Day).
• Fun facts:
  • Early uses of AI in video gaming (Pac-Man ghosts).
  • Tiger Woods’ wedding band: Hootie & the Blowfish.
  • The “Two Buck Chuck” (Charles Shaw) Shiraz once beat 2,300 competitors in an international wine competition.
• Extended riff on wine snobbery and “approachable” wines, with John mocking how sommeliers judge cheaper tastes.
  • Notable quote:
    • “For people like you, it was more approachable wines.” —Sommelier Ryan (09:33)

Airline Filth & Flight Stories (10:44–13:09)

• Southwest’s new policy: cleaning only premium seats; coach is left dirty.
• John tells horror stories of gross flights: blood on seats, people licking snack debris, a man popping a neck zit, and more.
  • Notable quote:
    • “I bring bleach wipes every time I fly, even on JSX. I didn’t know you flew Spirit before.” —Holmberg (12:03)
  • “I'm never gonna be in coach with them again. God forbid.” —Holmberg (12:05)

DUI News – Athletes in Scottsdale (15:21–16:18)

• Breaking news: Dylan Brooks (NBA) arrested in Scottsdale, the crew mocks how rich athletes behave in Scottsdale.
• Underlying jokes about prejudice in customer service and “more approachable” cars and wines.

Canadian Flamingo Heist & Happy Days Confusion (16:18–18:08)

• A Canadian tourist steals a flamingo named “Peachy” from the Flamingo Hotel in Vegas, claims he was “helping it” due to farm background.
• The crew riffs and confuses “Peachy Tuscadero” with “Pinky Tuscadero” from Happy Days, leading to mock fan-fiction about wheelchair accidents on 1970s sitcoms.
  • Notable quote:
    • “There was not a Peachy…Peachy was in a wheelchair. Peachy Tuscadero got killed by the Malachi Crunch.” —John (17:49)

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3. Science News Segment (19:57–24:48)

Brady (as “Professor Brady Bogan”) delivers weird and juvenile science headlines, with John providing relentless sarcastic asides.

• Asteroid Update (20:07):

  • NASA says a previously predicted asteroid won’t hit either the moon or Earth.
  • Quote: “So nothing’s ever been on the moon.” —John (20:35)

• Why Human Breasts Are Bigger (21:09):

  • New (doubtful) study says it’s to keep babies warm.
  • Quote: “How big are your boobs you can fit a baby under them?” —John (21:31)

• Chimpanzees & Crystals (21:36):

  • Chimps prefer crystals over rocks, like “ladies in Sedona.”
  • Quote: “The Sedona women will consider that to be like, see, they have a special energy. But really what it is is something with the IQ of a chimpanzee is the same as a Sedona tourist who’s just lost her marriage and needs to regroup with geodes.” —Holmberg (21:54)

• Thin Mints Taste Better Frozen (23:08):

  • It’s about menthol activation; the crew begs for more focus on cancer research, less on snack food studies.

• SpaceX and a Uranus Joke (24:05):

  • Can SpaceX help NASA “probe Uranus”? The team delivers the obvious jokes, with John groaning in pain.
  • Quote: “I want to punch myself in the tooth and get a dentist visit immediately to get out of here.” —Holmberg (24:34)

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4. Notable News “Hits” & Quips (25:15–27:33)

• New Jersey Girl Scouts sell cookies outside a dispensary—crew loves the business plan.
• Wendy’s is hiring a Chief Tasting Officer for $100k/year. The crew mocks Brady as the obvious applicant.
  • Quote: “It’s time for you to go back home to Wendy’s, Brady. If I was still alive, that would be my job.” —Ralphie (27:33)

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5. Infamous Friday “Radio Videos” (29:08–38:19)

A staple of the show: the team watches and reacts (over the air) to a sequence of increasingly disgusting and NSFW viral videos, often with detailed comedic narration and over-the-top gut reactions.

Highlights:

• Pranks and Work Accidents:

  • Concrete poured on heads; a worker bursts into flames from an electrical accident.

• Train Accident:

  • Woman gets hit by a log launched from a passing train.
  • John jokes about dangerous conditions in India versus the U.S.

• Extreme Adult Content:

  • Graphic scatological content, described in detail (not safe for work or sensitive listeners).

  • Crew reacts with groans, disgust, and threats to vomit.

  • Quote (reacting to a particularly disgusting scene):

    • “That is ground chuck coming out of each of them. And they’re touching it. God, it looks like it would hurt.” —Holmberg (34:19)
    • “I don’t think I can throw up with my eye. I don’t think.” —Holmberg (36:47)
    • “You have 10 to 15 seconds of don’t do it. Please don’t do it. And then he does the full on. Like he’s eating ice cream without his hands, massaging it and everything else…” —Holmberg (38:19)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On “Approachable” Wines and Customer Profiling:

  • "Well, you're asking about two buck chuck, so I assume you get a lot of calls from Indians. He didn't say that, but that's what he was saying. I read between the lines." —Holmberg (09:33)

• On Air Travel Horror:

  • "My seat [on a plane] was covered in blood once... That's the day I realized, enjoy your flight." —Holmberg (11:26)

• "Science News":

  • "Chimps, bass, and recently divorced women in their 40s all have the same attractive properties of genes." —Holmberg (22:11)
  • "SpaceX is working on a way to refuel ships as they're in space, which could help NASA make it to Uranus a lot faster." —Brady (24:25)

• On Racial Stereotypes:

  • "If you told, an Indian said, hey, there's trouble in India. Here's your flag. No, no, no, no, no. That is no longer my flag, my friend. I am done eating water. I am here now. Eagles, the greenwood, all that stuff. That's me." —Holmberg (32:10)

• Friday Video Reactions:

  • "Touching rosebuds is weird. Especially those old gnarled up ones those two had. Sometimes they look like smooth beef..." —Holmberg (34:19)
  • "Oh, my God, all right, there's a dude. There's a black guy right behind an open rosebud, covered in diarrhea. Oh, he's devouring. Look where it froze. Oh, my." —Holmberg (36:40)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:00] Contest/Win Announcement Banter
• [06:46] Friday Fun Facts & Wine Discussion
• [10:44] Airline Hygiene Horror Stories
• [16:18] “Canadian Flamingo Heist” and Happy Days Confusion
• [19:57] Science News Segment
• [25:15] Girl Scouts at Dispensaries & Wendy's CTO
• [29:08] Friday “Radio Videos” Begin (extreme content)
• [38:19] Episode closing reactions to videos

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Tone & Style

The episode blends energetic, blue-collar morning radio humor, rapid back-and-forth mockery, and brutal honesty. John Holmberg leads with dry wit and biting sarcasm, while Brady’s “Dad joke” innocence and Ralphie’s boisterous reactions provide comedic contrast. Expect NSFW language, adult humor, and an anything-goes approach.

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For New Listeners

This episode is a wild ride through pop culture oddities, weird science, and truly tasteless viral video reaction—equal parts hilarious and cringe-worthy. If you can handle off-color humor and a dose of the grotesque, you’ll find the Morning Sickness team in classic form.

Transcript

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[Larry McFeely]

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[John Holmberg]

Holmberg's morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. Eight o' clock words coming up. Seven o' clock word for the Metallica contest and this is the last day. Lightning. Some of you are spelling it wrong. You're asking me how come it's not working. L I G H T N I N G. Lightning as in ride the there you go, eight o' clock word coming up in just a little bit. You get that together and it's all soaring forward. You're going to be in good shape. So good luck to all of you. I'm kind of sad that this is going away because I will then. Oh, by the way, I think I got the email from Larry. We're going to pick a winner from this thing on Monday. And by the way, Monday we've got a new thing starting and that's in Vegas too. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Good Lord. This 25th anniversary that we're just, we're we're putting our hooks into every single thing that comes by. I'm like, give it away and pretend that we came up with this idea. We got another one coming up on Monday that we give you guys. And that's pretty awesome too. Yeah. Larry said we're going to give it away. Monday afternoon I might actually come back into the station to do the the phone call because I'm excited to hear the person on the other hey, man, that's right. And that's exactly how I'll do it. For no reason as a surfer. Hey, man. What's going on, man? One o' clock in the afternoon, Mad. I thought I'd give you Ringo Dingle. Anyway, so hop on. That one o', clock, I think, is about the time we're supposed to make that call on Monday. People are saying, what do I do with my phone? When are you going to contact us? Today is not the day.

[Brady Bogan]

Get all the words today.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Get everything in today. And then we assess everything. And then on Monday, Rudy, who works down the hall, will get through, however legal. Does this put it in the system that churns out a name without us picking it? Comes out of some computer program, I guess. I don't know I'm making that up, but I know it's not drawn by hand.

[Brady Bogan]

And then there's, like, the everlasting gobstopper thing.

[John Holmberg]

Spits out a thing, and then I Willy Wonka that, and I call you. So on Monday, somewhere in the afternoon, if you get a number you don't recognize and your bills are due, and you're like, collectors. All you got to do with collectors is answer it. They're like, is this Brett Festle? No. You know where he is? No. Mm. And then just hang up on them. I don't know why people dodge collector calls when they're expecting another one or cut a deal with them or do like I did. I cut a deal for a guy that was. Used my phone number as his bad credit line. Is this Raj Mahaffi?

[Brady Bogan]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Hang on. I'll go get him. And then I pretended to be Raj Mahaffi for half an hour, and I whittled down his. What was it, nine grand? Down to like 2,800 bucks. Welcome, Raj. But you know what I did at the end? I'm like, dad, never mind you. And we hung up because I'm not really Raj. I couldn't really sign off on the deal, but I negotiated down at. I think it was at 14,000 at one point, and they said, we're gonna only hold you to nine of it. And I'm like, well, you're not getting that. And I just argued with the guy until he had four supervisors, and I had it under $3,000 at one point for this dude I don't know who used my number as his escape plan with creditors. I was good at it.

[Brady Bogan]

Came to the right place.

[John Holmberg]

Evidently, little Indians had no idea what was hitting them either. I'm just yelling at them that they're bad at their job. Oh, dude, no. Come on, please. Go get another supervisor right now. I'm gonna have. We're doing this next up, I think. I was pretending to be an Indian too. And I had that thing down under three grand before I told them to go F themselves. No, no, no. We cannot go any lower. That is my last offer. I'm like, well, you're not getting that either. I don't have any money. What if we dropped it down another thousand dollars? All right, would you then pass? I just told you, I don't have any money. You have to drop it to zero for me to be even with you.

[Brady Bogan]

I could do 600. I would know. We can't.

[John Holmberg]

We couldn't go that low, sir. I can't go any higher than that. I'm already selling my semen constantly. Oh, that is so much to know. It is, but you're the one asking the questions. Yeah, when they call, you just start yelling at them. They'll drop it anyway. What are you gonna do? 7:50. Picture of the game last night, apparently. Of me? Oh, Jesus Christ. No. They have a picture of a tiny Asian in one of them ninja robes that Tom Cruise wore in the. Come on. Nice work, Tom. Like they had Shogun out there. Don't do that. It's not right. Although it's more appropriate than what I was watching. That seems to settle in more to my bigoted eyes than it did watching him in a bull's uniform. If I had Alex Jones with me, like, what has happened to this place? Remember Pippin, Jordan Rodman proudly displaying a Chicago Bulls jersey.

[Ralphie]

And now they got 5 foot 7

[John Holmberg]

inch Japanese guys that just sully in the udo. Anyway, Brady's got all the news that he's going to give you now. And it's brought to you by your friends at all Pro Shade Concepts, Arizona's best patio shades, Indoor outdoor living. That's what we're doing right now. The weather in your house is just as good as the weather out of your house. Windows are open. Sitting on the patio is amazing. The weekend is here. Why not just enjoy a couple sips of your favorite beverage sitting on your outdoor patio with your brand new shade from all Pro Shade Concepts. It's great stuff. The shades are custom built to block up to 95% of the sun's UV rays. Those are the bad ones. Evidently they cut the dust. The wind temperature can drop up to 20 degrees on super hot days when you got these things upright in the right place and they'll put them there they come out and do a free installation, free estimates, and they'll come up with a plan for you all. Pro shade.com Brady reported.

[Brady Bogan]

Good Friday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello, world. We've made it. Happy National Oreo Cookie Day. National Employee Appreciation Day, National Frozen Food Day. And again for Brett, National Dentist Day.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you, dentist. Will somebody step up to do a little extra work on Gummoe over here? He's going through hell.

[Brady Bogan]

A couple of basis fun facts. According to the New York Times, the video game industry was one of the first sectors to use AI programming in the 1980s.

[John Holmberg]

Whoa.

[Brady Bogan]

With four ghosts who chase Pac man responding differently based on the player's real time movements. Wow. No kidding.

[John Holmberg]

AI has been around for a while. Remember Lawnmower Man? Essentially what that was was like an artificial intelligence thing that got injected into a guy and he just kept getting smarter and smarter because that's a neat movie, but it was just so poorly done. Oh, yeah, Yeah. I went to the theater. Yeah, same. I'm like, this is a great idea. And you're watching like, this sucks bad.

[Brady Bogan]

The band at Tiger woods wedding to elin Nordegren in 2004.

[John Holmberg]

Was in 2004. She's Swedish. Was it Abba?

[Brady Bogan]

Hootie and the Blowfish. He was buddies with Darius because Darius is a big golfer.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding. I want to be with you. Really?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Because he was sort of the my man. It's like a really white college kid band in the 90s.

[Brady Bogan]

He went to Stanford, Carolina. South Carolina. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You like to laugh at me when I look at other girls.

[Brady Bogan]

Two Buck Chuck once won a top wine award. Trader Joe's 2002. Charles Shaw. The Shiraz or Shiraz beat out 23 other 2300 other wines to win the double gold medal at the 28th annual International Eastern Wine Competition. It wasn't actually ever two bucks.

[John Holmberg]

It's closer to three. Wasn't it 299, I think.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. And it was $2 more in other states because the shipping, the wine.

[John Holmberg]

I talked to sommelier Ryan down there at the Raha room. He's a great guy. I was chatting with him about stuff and I asked him a long time ago, and that's when I learned how Somalia's. Well, he's. Ryan makes you feel like a prick without doing it out loud. Because I said, what about, like, can you tell the difference between the two Buck Chuck and like, the highest thing you've got? And he goes, oh, well. For people like you, it was more approachable wines. And I'm like, that was the most some bitch thing anybody's ever said to me. Ryan is. No, no. It's like, well, I'm not seeing people like you in that way. I'm like, you're looking for an approachable wine. And I'm like, you keep saying approachable, like I have bad credit. Quit it. Well, you're asking about two buck chuck, so I assume you get a lot of calls from Indians. He didn't say that, but that's what he was saying. I read between the lines.

[Brady Bogan]

The new car salesman said that.

[John Holmberg]

For a more approachable car, my friend Mark has a brand new. What's like the Lexus SUV. It's really nice. What are they, 440s or 540s? A big.

[Brady Bogan]

The bigger one.

[John Holmberg]

Beautiful. And it's decked out. It's got all that Stu stuff. And we're driving and I'm like, would this set you back? This is a nice car. And he goes, well, So I was looking at it, and he hit me with the price tag. And I told him, like, pretty proud of those. And he goes, why don't we take you over to something that will suit you a little better. Mark's like, f you, I'll take it. And he paid full pull for it because he wanted to prove to the salesman who said, you look like a poor piece of crap. Follow me over here. He's in the Toyota section. Mark's in the car. I'm like, oh, it's a beautiful car. He did. It's very nice. Yeah, I probably paid about 1828 too much.

[Brady Bogan]

Jesus, prove a point.

[John Holmberg]

Just to tell that guy, you know what? You. Why don't we take you over to some cars that are a little more comfortable in your range? And he said, right then and there, you know what? I'll take this one. Like, yep.

[Brady Bogan]

Southwest South, Southwest Airlines is experimenting with having new name cabin cleaners come on the planes between flights and only clean the premium and extra legroom seat area on the aircraft.

[John Holmberg]

Filthy pigs get to sit in my slope.

[Brady Bogan]

Evidently, they never had cleaners going on there to begin with because we have proof of that.

[John Holmberg]

Got on the plane. My seat was covered in blood once.

[Brady Bogan]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

I had to ask the lady. Yeah, it was right next to me on the wall. Coming back, coming back from Miami, we landed in Atlanta and then we switched flights and we're getting back in the plane and I was on the window seat, and I went in there and I'm like, well, this is not gonna do. And I told the stewardess, stewardess, I speak Chive, you speak jive? And I said, I don't know if this is a normal feature on a Delta flight, but my seat's covered in blood, it would seem, and so's the wall. And she goes, oh, that's no good. And that's the day I realized, enjoy your flight. Yeah, that's the day I realized. Oh. And then I told you the other time that the lady poured out all of her snack mix. You know, the ones like Brady eats the dusty food.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And then when it was all gone, all the chunks were gone, all the tangible items had been eaten. She was licking her fingers, making them wet, and then. And then picking up, picking them up and then going back to it at the exact same time that a seven foot man sat in front of Megan on the seat in the other aisle and popped a zit on his neck and it was bleeding out onto the top of the chair. Meanwhile, the guy behind her was spitting loogies into his Dasani bottle because he had some sort of throat cold. And when I turned to Megan, I said, we're never flying coach again. And I said, and the guy next to you in the sweatpants as hard as a rock in his sleep, he had a boner that was just jabbed out of there. The greyhound of the skies. Or what was this? I was. Because I was in coach with them and I'm never gonna be in coach with them again. God forbid. Your connecting flight where you're getting on. It's like we're just waiting for the flight to land from Oakland. Oh, God, they're not gonna clean it. I bring bleach wipes every time I fly, even on jsx. I didn't know you flew Spirit before. I didn't. It was. I'm not even going to say the airline Delta. It was weird.

[Larry McFeely]

Hey, it's Larry McFeely and I'm trying to decide where to have my next excellent adventure. Maybe I should just conquer every bagel shop in the Valley. Well, the good news is it's Toyota's Ready, Set go sales event at your Valley Toyota dealer. So wherever I end up, I'll be getting there in style. Maybe a Camry for that smooth desert cruise, A Tacoma for off road exploring, or a tundra to haul my adventure gear, which is currently just a bunch of snacks. Whatever your adventure looks like this year. Now it's time to make your move. Visit your Valley Toyota dealers or valleytoyotadeealers.com Toyota. Let's go places.

[John Holmberg]

It's John Holberg here and I Found a place I'm genuinely excited about. Modern Resolution Windows and Doors. And it all started because my front door just broke. Not stuck, not squeaky. The thing actually broke. So I called them, and from the first meeting, I could tell Family run local. They care about doing things right. It was great. Check them out. Modernresolution.com Great people, great work. Modern Resolution Windows and Doors. My new find and your home's new upgrade. Free in home consultation. So just call text or book online. Modernresolution.com call them 480-665-5732. Holmberg's Morning Sickness. And then I took a new Delta flight to Hawaii once, and it was fantastic. Well, I still wiped everything down because that lady who dusted up everything in the doo doo popped that neck boil. And it was. Brady was. When he popped it, you know, it didn't do a squirt, but it did the frosting popping out of the side of the can kind of thing. And then he wiped that away. I know. You're telling me. I had to watch it. And then the. And then he kept reaching back and touching the hole. And every time he did, clear, pinkish water would run down his neck and he'd wipe that off.

[Brady Bogan]

Rose milk.

[John Holmberg]

Is that what that's called? But I like it. I like that you named it that. It was rose milk. Whatever. Yeah. Oh, it had strawberry flavor. I guarantee it. If you went up and went on that guy's neck hole that he just opened, it would take your word for that one tastes like strawberry. I guarantee it's the same color and the flavors of strawberry.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, the flight attendants unions doesn't like it any more than you do. They think that if there's cleaners, they should hit everything on the plane. The reason why they don't is they say there's not enough downtime in between flights.

[John Holmberg]

God damn it. Breaking news. Sons can't have nice things. Oh, Dylan Brooks just got arrested for dui. I mean, he's injured and stuff, but this is not what you need. Yeah, I was arrested in Scottsdale at 2:00am Shocking.

[Brady Bogan]

Jesus, Brett.

[John Holmberg]

No Scottsdale. No Scottsdale. All the athletes are up there in Scottsdale. Barkley. I see all them. Steve Kim was up there, too. I understand.

[Brady Bogan]

All them athletes.

[John Holmberg]

Those people, those athletes. That was a very. Brett. You guys. That was like, said. I didn't say. You know, that was like what Ryan said. He's like, for someone like you, a more approachable wine. I see what you're doing.

[Brady Bogan]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, all those athletes driving around drunk. Those People. Hey, you guys said it, I didn't. No, no. We heard it though. We read between the lines. It's nuanced. Gummoe. God dang it. Wow.

[Brady Bogan]

33 year old tourist from Canada named Mitchell Fairbarn was arrested after the police said he stole a flamingo from the Habitat at the Flamingo Hotel in Vegas. He was caught on surveillance camera entering

[John Holmberg]

to his room at 5am People didn't grabbing the bird.

[Brady Bogan]

Peachy was the bird that he grabbed. He was also rough with several other birds. He then carried the one up the Flamingo. There's pictures of him getting on the elevator with it. Mitchell. Mitchell initially told the police that he went into the Habitat because he saw the flamingo was in distress. And he said he knew how to pop a bird's wing into place.

[John Holmberg]

Sure, who doesn't? I practice that.

[Brady Bogan]

Because of his background growing up on a farm. It didn't look like he was treating the bird very nice, but. And then took it up in the room. There's a picture of him.

[John Holmberg]

Sure. It's tough to do, man, to wander around with a flamingo unnoticed, but Peachy's okay. Also very clever name for a flamingo.

[Brady Bogan]

Peachy.

[John Holmberg]

I'm sure Pinky and Peachy are pretty common in the flamingo land.

[Brady Bogan]

Saw them on Happy Days.

[John Holmberg]

Peachy. That was Peachy and Pinky Tuscadero.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. Forgot about Peachy.

[John Holmberg]

There wasn't a Peachy Tuscan.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, there wasn't.

[John Holmberg]

That's why you forgot about it.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, leather. Leather. That's right.

[John Holmberg]

That's why you forgot. Yeah, it's the Mandela effect. You're pretty suggestible, Brady. We're best friends now.

[Brady Bogan]

By the way,

[John Holmberg]

I am going to rob you blind. There was not a Peachy. Peachy was in a wheelchair. Peachy Tuscadero got killed by the Malachi Crunch. She was in the car crash episode and it was terrible spinal injury. Peachy was. And the reason I called her Peachy is because she had such a great disposition after the wreck.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, that was one of my favorites.

[John Holmberg]

It was a good episode. I'm pretty sure she. Al Arnold's the guy who bought Arnold's. Al Molinaro. Hey yo, Al. Did I hear right? Did you? Peachy Tuscadero. Yeah. Yep. Yep. She's in a wheelchair. You son of a. Tonight on Happy Days.

[Brady Bogan]

Now it's time for some science news.

[John Holmberg]

Wouldn't it have been a great episode? They had to boycott Arnold's because Al got caught. PG Tuscadero, the wheelchair bound Tuscadero. Like Was who caught Fonzie? Richie. Potsy saw it. No, actually, it would be Ralph Mouth had to see it. He tells Potsy. Those two knobs start to try to convince everybody. What? And then. And then Fonzie goes up and goes, hey, yeah.

[Ralphie]

Boom.

[John Holmberg]

Lie to the Fonz. Yap. Yep, yep, yep. You're telling me you Peachy Tuscadera?

[Brady Bogan]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

I put her in a tree Notch. Oh, yeah? What are you talking, Raven? I had to keep the comedy going

[Brady Bogan]

outside of Mrs. C's.

[John Holmberg]

I had to eat my vegetable spawns. And the crowd's like, they're still laughing. That's not funny, Al.

[Brady Bogan]

What song plays on the jukebox when

[John Holmberg]

he just hits it? I don't know. Roll and roll and roll. Yeah, that's a great one. But I'm glad we can tell Brady that things existed that didn't because it gives us an opportunity to like, fan fiction life.

[Ralphie]

Oh, yeah, I forgot about Peachy Tescadero.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, I remember she had a sister.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, not a flamingo.

[Brady Bogan]

Did we do the 8 o'? Clock?

[John Holmberg]

I'm sorry, 8 o'. Clock. Word is hardwired. Hardwired. All one word? Yep, one word. Hardwired.

[Brady Bogan]

And now it's time for some science news.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Brady Bogan]

Hella by for.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's not right. That's the wrong one. That's my thing. You do something better than that. Come on, get it. Pick it up.

[Brady Bogan]

Hello, my friends. Professor Brady Bogan here with your science news. Remember the big asteroid that was going to hit Earth in 2032? No, then

[John Holmberg]

I can't remember 2032. It hasn't happened yet.

[Brady Bogan]

And then they said, nope, it's going to hit the moon instead. NASA now says it's not happening either way. They announced that yesterday there's zero percent chance of a lunar impact.

[John Holmberg]

So nothing's ever been on the moon.

[Brady Bogan]

So the moon is safe.

[John Holmberg]

It's safe from both asteroids and human contact.

[Brady Bogan]

Certainly. Like you, they just throw this stuff out there to rile us up.

[John Holmberg]

And then years later, never mind, they're know it alls. They're running around doing stuff we don't understand.

[Brady Bogan]

Nothing.

[John Holmberg]

And they scream out, look what we found. And then a few years later, whoops, we were wrong. I lost that bet. I thought we were gonna get a Uranus joke in there. Ah, well.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, didn't even see it coming.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I heard him just hang on there.

[Brady Bogan]

Hang on.

[John Holmberg]

I heard him say big asteroid. And I'm like, oh, here we go.

[Brady Bogan]

A study may have figured out why human fun Bags are so much bigger than they are in the rest of the animal kingdom.

[John Holmberg]

Those are breasts. Adults. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Surgery evolved to have the reason why women have bigger boobs. To keep babies warm. That's such a theory.

[John Holmberg]

That's not true.

[Brady Bogan]

What?

[John Holmberg]

You don't. Up under the crease.

[Brady Bogan]

What?

[John Holmberg]

How big are your boobs? You can fit a baby under them.

[Brady Bogan]

A new study found that chimpanzees love crystals, too, Just like the ladies in Sedona.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, they're all nuts.

[Brady Bogan]

Researchers gave chimps big chunks of crystal and rocks to see if they found one more interesting. They all went towards the. The crystals. Hear that? Ladies even carrying them around, fascinated by them.

[John Holmberg]

The Sedona women will consider that to be like, see, they have a special energy. But really what it is is something with the IQ of a chimpanzee is the same as a Sedona tourist who's just lost her marriage and needs to regroup with geodes.

[Brady Bogan]

But they got some of them back by trading bananas for them.

[John Holmberg]

Of course, food trumps rocks. You know who else is blown away by shiny stuff? Ladies on their way to Sedona for the weekend. Bass. You're the same as bass. The bass probably in the bass population, they're down there going, those shiny things have, like, energetic properties to take into the vortex. And the other bass, like, get out of your mind. And then the smart bass that has a radio show goes, these bass, go ahead, ladies. It's just a tourist trap. And then they go, see, I told you. And then they bite into the shiny thing, and it kills them. Chimps, bass, and recently divorced women in their 40s all have the same attractive properties of genes.

[Brady Bogan]

And ravens.

[John Holmberg]

And ravens. That's right. I'll go so far as to say ladies are smarter than ravens, because I don't think a woman's gonna lose her mind if she sees tinfoil in the road. Smart bird. They're smart and all, but the tinfoil thing, you're like, all right. They're not that.

[Brady Bogan]

Huffington Post did a deep dive on the science behind why a lot of people think Thin Mints taste better frozen. Basically, the coldness activates the menthol in the mint and makes it stand out more.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, by the way, I'm a science guy. I believe in science. I don't believe in the Huey that everybody else throws sky wizards and stuff, but can we get back on the cancer cure and lay off of the thin Mint research? They taste good both ways. There's no reason to worry about that. It's the menthol have we quit on cancer? I know this guy. This guy. I know where they studied that. Oh, somewhere down there on Martin Luther King Boulevard and Frank Thomas Avenue in Chicago. Leave my new ports out of this. So do you like your menthols frozen or what? Do you think I smoke Mentos, man? Come on, we both know you smoke Mentos.

[Brady Bogan]

Finally, more space news. Can. Can SpaceX help NASA probe Uranus before it's too late? There it is. It's over 1.5 billion miles away. Sometimes farther. So it takes a long time to get there because that Uranus remains largely unexplored.

[John Holmberg]

If you're gonna do the joke, do it.

[Brady Bogan]

SpaceX is working on a way to refuel ships as they're in space, which could help NASA make it to Uranus a lot faster.

[John Holmberg]

All right, enough Brady.

[Brady Bogan]

That way they could do multiple probes.

[John Holmberg]

I didn't think my tooth get any more pain. I want to punch myself in the tooth and get a dentist visit immediately to get out of here. You don't even find it.

[Brady Bogan]

That's your science news.

[John Holmberg]

You don't even laugh at these texts. Terrible Uranus stories that you think it's real?

[Brady Bogan]

John, is it?

[John Holmberg]

Cuz Kirby, always when you come home, man. We were on the floor with the Uranus stuff, man. Great job, man. Hey, dad.

[Ralphie]

What is it, Kirby? Herbs.

[John Holmberg]

How far away is my anus now?

[Ralphie]

You can't do it that way, Kirby. It's got to start with urine. You made me say it.

[Brady Bogan]

Speaking of smoking, kudos to the Girl Scout troop in New Jersey that set up their cookie stand outside of dispensary. The daylight dispensary in Mount Laurel, New Jersey.

[John Holmberg]

That's the home of.

[Brady Bogan]

They're selling a lot of cookies. Is it really? Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

NFL Films is from Mount Laurel.

[Brady Bogan]

What made that stick for you?

[John Holmberg]

The credits. I. When I read credits on tv, I remember almost all of them. Mount Laurel. It's John Holmberg here for Life Changer Loans. Whether you're buying a home, trying to refinance or improve things financially, you got to focus on one thing. Clarity. You don't have to do it the old way. Life Changer Loan is here to help. Call my friend Shane o' Grady at Life Changer Loan and see if it's for you. Good credit, good with money. There is more than just the old fashioned bank loan. And if you want to see what's possible financially in your your life that's different than what you're doing now, [e-mail] Life change alone. It's not magic. It's just math.

[Comedy Club Announcer]

You know, when you're looking for your fix of comedy here in the Valley, we have three amazing clubs that feature some of the best comedians in the world. Up on the north end of town, you can visit the beautiful Desert Ridge Improv. Downtown in Cityscape, you've got stand up live and east side. Right there in the heart of asu, it's the legendary Tempe Improv. Plenty of entertainment for you and your guests, and you can even grab some food and drink. So see why the Valley is a comedy destination and get your tickets by going to Desert Ridge, improv.com standuplive.com and

[John Holmberg]

Tempe Improv Dot Comberg's. Morning sickness.

[Brady Bogan]

Wendy's is hiring a chief tasting officer. Pays 100 grand. Basically, you just have to taste Wendy stuff.

[John Holmberg]

Brady, come away. So long.

[Brady Bogan]

You can apply at Wendy's. Chief tasting officer dot com.

[John Holmberg]

The chief in it and everything.

[Ralphie]

This is aimed right at you. It's got the word chief in it. It's not long, so it's not gonna take forever to type that.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm on it. Ralphie.

[Ralphie]

100k to eat Wendy's. Why are you still here?

[Brady Bogan]

That's amazing.

[Ralphie]

Even John, who doesn't want to see you go, understands. It's like setting a. You know, like a. Like Free Willy. It's time for you to go back home to Wendy's, Brady. If I was still alive, that would be my job. That's for sure. I'd be done telling all these fart jokes.

[Brady Bogan]

What do you think about this text, Ralphie?

[Ralphie]

All right.

[Brady Bogan]

Brady. Don't you listen to that dickhead.

[John Holmberg]

We all love your humor.

[Ralphie]

Signed.

[Brady Bogan]

That's it.

[Ralphie]

Nathan Sutherland's girlfriend. All right, Michael and Troy, all the Uranus jokes you can handle on a Friday. More Uranus, Brady. That's what they say anyway. Get your ass over to Wendy's.

[Brady Bogan]

I will. Ralphie.

[Ralphie]

Your work is done here. It is time to set you free. You are a man now.

[Brady Bogan]

See you soon.

[Ralphie]

All right, see you later. I'll be at Wendy's waiting for you to barge through them doors which Fat Albert used to. Come into a room, just kick it open.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, hey, hey.

[Ralphie]

I'm here for a square burger today, all right?

[John Holmberg]

I gotta go.

[Brady Bogan]

Got a couple of radio videos.

[John Holmberg]

Why aren't you doing that job?

[Brady Bogan]

I'm not gonna apply.

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna do it right now.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't have time for.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you do. Yes, you do. There's. Yes, you do. Shoot the videos over to gummo over here and get your ass over there on the computer and start.

[Ralphie]

I'm your guy.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, you don't have to move. You do it right.

[John Holmberg]

You're basically, you're Neo to Wendy's. Right now. He's gonna wander in there, and then there's gonna be a guy in glasses. Mr. Bogan, welcome. We've been expecting you.

[Ralphie]

Hi, Mr. Anderson.

[Brady Bogan]

All right, the first one's a guy trying to prank his buddies by porn. See, this is a prank. Yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

There's guys trying to bust into a

[Brady Bogan]

building, and they're all gathered down there, and he's dumping.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. You're gonna do the play by play. That's right. He's on the second floor of a building. He's on the roof. And there's guys trying to bust in. In a cruddy country. And then he dumps. Like, he dumps concrete mix on their heads. And then he falls off.

[Brady Bogan]

Too heavy.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. His momentum carried him as he tried to kill the other terrorists that were trying to kill him. It's a win win for us terrorists dying at the door. And then the one trying to kill him falls off the top of the roof. It's all good.

[Brady Bogan]

It's a birthday party prank.

[John Holmberg]

It's not a prank.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay? The fence broke or whatever.

[John Holmberg]

The house broke. The house broke. I see that the first time because it's made of clay and dreams. Oh, come on. There's no dreams in there. Okay? Wishes, and. They got plenty of those. You get three every. Every time you open the sugar thing, you get three wishes.

[Brady Bogan]

Next one's a work accident.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Oh, Jesus. Oh, it's just. There's an explosion for no reason. There's another. Oh, it's an electric thing, and he's holding on to something, and then it explodes and the man bursts into flames. Wow. Are they watching this in a bedroom? They're watching training video. It's a safety training video. That's how the bulls did some recruiting. If you see the writing on the wall, it's all Japanese, so. Wow. Yeah. The dude just climbs in and there's a small fire, and then he. Is the fire.

[Brady Bogan]

No, the other guy backed away.

[John Holmberg]

What's amazing is as that Asian man burns, nothing else does. He's the only flammable thing in the room.

[Brady Bogan]

Wow. It's a good death, Brady.

[John Holmberg]

That's.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, Brady's another one. I think we might have done this one, Brett. Maybe you did this one. This lady standing by as the train's going by. Oh, just A log takes, right?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's a log. I was like, what's laying on the train tracks? Well, she's just walking along the train tracks next the logs, and the train shoots a log at her.

[Brady Bogan]

Wow. And it launched her.

[John Holmberg]

You know what?

[Brady Bogan]

Holy cow.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know why they keep logs that close to the trains, let alone ladies wandering around on there. What, those, like, old railroad piles of logs?

[Brady Bogan]

It's up on the deck, too,

[John Holmberg]

man. You know what? Everybody that bitches about this place just needs to see a video of India for two minutes and just realize how lucky we are. I mean, I'm serious. Like, you see stuff like that, if this doesn't play in your head immediately and an eagle soars through your line of sight, I'm not in India. And that's awesome. Good God, you know what? Indians never do? And I gotta give them a tip of the cat. Not the fry bread ones. You know what I'm talking about. When they come here and become doctors and stuff, they never, like, wave their country's flag anymore. No, but some third world people do. Like, there's Palestinian flags and stuff going around. I don't even know where you buy those. If you told, an Indian said, hey, there's trouble in India. Here's your flag. No, no, no, no, no. That is no longer my flag, my friend. I am. I am done eating water. I am here now. Eagles, the greenwood, all that stuff. That's me.

[Brady Bogan]

Good point.

[John Holmberg]

They don't. Yeah, they never do. Even I don't even know what an Indian flag looks like because they're super not waving them. And there's stuff that goes on over there all the time. Like, no, no, no, no, my friend. I left there for a reason. No, no, no. They bring the food and the smells. That's the thing. Whenever you go into their houses, their food smells are worse than. And they have to think that of us, too. God, their houses all smell like hot dogs and chicken noodle soup. But I'd take that over whatever the hell your houses smell like. But you never have the flags up. You bring those statues of eight armed gods and all that colorful stuff. They don't push anything on you. They still wear the clothes, but that's just a thing. And some of them, they'd rather. They'd rather honor banner health and stuff. Yeah, they do the Discover Card or banner health. Those are the two things. Why would I ever put a flag above that place? You know me, I am. I go to karaoke every Friday and I belt it out. Yeah, he not do it. He'd be like, because I'm an American, you piece of crap. And then he'd release the eagle in his office and it flies around, goes back in its cage. That's insane. All right, Bert, what do you got for Friday? Video seatbelts, boys. Oh, boy. Gummoe's angry. Yes. Oh, no. All right, we're opening up with a lady spreading her honey hole, hovering over another woman's rosebud. Oh, they're bumping. They're bumping rosebuds. They're. Oh, they're breathing. Their buttholes are breathing and they're touching them together. Oh, God. It looked like. You know what it looked like? It looked like if you. You went over to Dunkin Donuts and you take a bite of the one, you're not sure what's in it, and it's cherry, and then you put the other. The two cherry donuts together. Oh, man.

[Brady Bogan]

You just doubled down your Arby.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man, that is ground chuck coming out of each of them. And they're touching it. God, it looks like it would hurt. All right, turn that off. All right, well, that's just for starters. Oh, all right. Good Lord. Yeah, I can't. Touching rosebuds is weird. Especially those old gnarled up ones those two had. Sometimes they look like smooth beef. What's this? Oh, they got diarrhea. Oh, Jesus. Oh, my God. There's reverse cowgirl diarrhea is what we're watching. And it's yellow. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. There's too much curry in that woman's diet. Oh, what does that room smell like? Oh, my. This is from scatbook.com. well, sure it is. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, look at. It's just.

[John Holmberg]

I hear it. Okay, that's plenty bashing into the.

[Brady Bogan]

Is this good enough?

[John Holmberg]

Does this ever end? I get it. Oh, there you go. That's on the big screen. Brat.

[Brady Bogan]

What?

[John Holmberg]

I'll punch you in your bad tooth. Okay, here's another. Here's some. Here's some strength. She's in a nice. She's on a. Oh, she's doing a. A handstand with her legs over her shoulders from the ground and bouncing around on a sex toy prehensile tail. No, that's a sex toy, damn it. That's pretty good work. She's very thin. She's in good shape. She's gymnastically holding her feet in the air while she walks on her hands. Now she's making a new move. She's going around the corner here. Now she's just showing us what it looks like from behind. Same move. She's very flexible. I think she used to do gymnastics and then, you know, turn that lemon into a lemonade stand. How about that? Good on you, lady. You know what they say in the world of literature, Write what you're good at. I think they say it in only fans too. And I guess we'll just finish here. All right, there's another rosebud and there's. Oh, my God. All right, there's a dude. There's a black guy right behind an open rosebud, covered in diarrhea. Oh, he's devouring. Look where it froze. Oh, my. I don't think I can throw up with my eye. I don't think.

[Larry McFeely]

No, don't do it.

[John Holmberg]

Looks like Chappelle go. Oh, he's just devouring.

[Brady Bogan]

Dave Chappelle on Cassie. Larry.

[John Holmberg]

Oh,

[Larry McFeely]

Turn it off, Brett.

[John Holmberg]

We're gonna be off the air for another week. I guess we'll finish there.

[Ralphie]

There's a top 10.

[Brady Bogan]

That is a top 10. Oh, yeah. Oh, God. Why go to a break?

[John Holmberg]

I can't.

[Brady Bogan]

Don't do that. Look at your eye.

[John Holmberg]

Looks. I know. I just got better. Why am I doing that? Like, I control this. Why are you. Why are you retching? Why am I doing it? You saw why I'm doing it. Then stop it. I can't. It's humanity. It can't be stopped. It's a moving train. Oh, my. What are you doing? I didn't do it. Why was Dave Chappelle doing that? I'm going home.

[Brady Bogan]

LCI.

[John Holmberg]

It didn't feel good. My bubble finally went away this morning. It's gone. So I'm feeling all right. But, man, you'll probably see that one in December at Happy Endings. That's. That's bad stuff there. When you said buckle up, I didn't expect that. Bailey and Crandall were high fiving this morning with that one. So on on text.

[Brady Bogan]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

The way the dude stares at it. Oh, yeah. And you just. You have 10 to 15 seconds of don't do it. Please don't do it. And then he does the full on. Like. Like he's eating ice cream without his hands massaging it and everything else and just. Oh, all right, that's enough of that. There goes your Brady report, everybody. The 8 o' clock word is hardwired to self destruct.

[Brady Bogan]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

Well, hardwired. There you go. 8:23. Put that in there for the 8:00 o' clock word and welcome our guest. Yeah, she'll come in and watch that, too.

[Brady Bogan]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Yep.

[Brady Bogan]

We're not watching that.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not watching again. But she has to. Oh, it's Friday. If you're a Friday guest, you got to sit through Brett's videos. There you go. There's your Brady Report. Sorry about that.

[Brady Bogan]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fee.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this.