03-06-26 - CONDENSED SHORT SHOW - FRIDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – "Condensed Short Show – Friday" (March 6, 2026)

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Episode Overview

This episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness brings listeners into a freewheeling Friday morning at 98 KUPD, blending dark humor, personal anecdotes, cultural satire, and rapid-fire banter between John Holmberg, co-hosts Brady Bogen and Bret Vesely, and producer Dick Toledo. The crew swaps gross-out dental stories, riff on Asian restaurants and sports, skewer international stereotypes (with Iran as the day's favorite target), and finish things off with an appearance by comedian Gina Brion. The tone is classic Holmberg: edgy, irreverent, playful, and not for the easily offended.

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Key Topics & Discussions

Tooth Pain, Gross Stories, & Pong Pong Nostalgia

• Tooth Trauma Stories: John and Brady commiserate over tooth pain stories, with John describing a traumatic wisdom-tooth incident and all the “horrors” that came with a dental abscess. (00:00–05:40)
  • [00:26] John: “If you’ve ever had tooth pain—like nerve-exposed tooth pain—that’s the worst. It's a disaster.”
  • [00:34] Brady: “I’m demanding results after one day.”
• Abscess Misery: John explains his ‘home remedy’ experiences (aspirin directly on the nerve) and the eventual, disgusting pus eruption, including how it "ruined" his meal at iconic local Chinese joint Pong Pong.
  • [02:34] John: “It pops in your mouth and gushes pus in your mouth unexpectedly. And that tastes the way poop smells … I was eating sweet and sour shrimp from Pong Pong … may be better with infected pus.”
• Pong Pong Dive: The hosts wax poetic and joke about legendary (and questionable) Asian restaurant names—Pong Pong, Big Wong, Hong Kong—debating which remain, and declaring a new use for ketchup: “makes pus taste better.”
  • [05:34] John: “Don’t mess with recipe, Brady man. … Sweet sour shrimp. It make pus taste good. That’s how good Pong Pong is.”

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Iranian Women’s Soccer, Stereotypes, and Satire

• Iranian Women’s Soccer in the Spotlight: A sports news tidbit spirals into debate over the existence of an Iranian women's soccer team, prompting the crew to lampoon stereotypes about Iran, women’s rights, and head coverings. (08:45–13:00)
  • [09:05] John: “You get an extra attempt at something because Allah makes it so these broads gotta be in their period outfits… That’s a religion I’d never get behind.”
  • [10:44] Brady: “That’s just a—I don’t believe that's a real team.”
• Imagining "Real" Life in Iran: The guys riff on Western perceptions of Iranian life: no fun, no beaches, but maybe—just maybe—there’s an ‘Iranian Brady’ grilling goat and telling dad jokes while the family summits a weekend lake trip.
  • [14:54] Brady: “I mean, they have to take the tripod out of the truck to fit the green egg in.”
  • [15:29] John: “That was a nice day. Thanks Allah. What a beautiful beach day here in Iran. … I saw one of your ankles. Sorry … I have to tell the kids now. I saw one of your mother's ankles. I had to kill it.”
• Musical Montage: They imagine a weekend trip “to the lake” in Iran, complete with musical parodies: “Magic Carpet Ride” morphs into tongue-in-cheek Iranian “lake playlist” with click, click, boom moments.
  • [23:30+] Extended parody, blending Iranian accents and American pop, mocking their own ignorance.

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NBA Rant: Bulls, "Tanking," & Asian Stereotypes

• Short Asian Player on the Bulls: Holmberg observes a 5'7" Japanese player on the Chicago Bulls, questioning sports meritocracy, NBA tanking strategies, and tossing out stereotype-laden asides. (29:00–37:40)
  • [30:39] John: “The only reason people liked Linsanity is because there was an Asian guy playing basketball … you’re not going anywhere … after the Iranian lake trip, I think we all know.”
  • [31:41] John: “Maybe he’s got some crouching tiger hidden dragon in him and can fly on rooftops. No, didn’t see it … he took a three and missed it.”
  • [34:01] Brady: “Did he wear a headband?”
  • [34:30] John: “So, I’m wondering if this is like, take one of the bad teams and shock the crowd with something that shouldn’t be out there, and then maybe we’ll put a woman out there … Sabrina Ionescu can play rising sun downtown.”
• Classic NBA Height Jokes: The conversation pivots to famous short players (Spud Webb, Muggsy Bogues) and compares the odds of success for a 5’7” Asian in the NBA—a tongue-in-cheek critique of the Bulls' motives.

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Wacky News: Flamingo Theft at the Flamingo Hotel

• Vegas Animal Heist: Brady recounts a Canadian tourist stealing a flamingo (named Peachy) from a Las Vegas hotel; the crew cracks wise about the bird’s welfare and veers off into a fictional “Happy Days” subplot about “Peachy Tuscadero.” (39:00–41:18)

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Science News with Professor Brady Bogan

• Space & Boobs: A mix of real science and comedic takes:
  • No asteroid is going to hit the moon in 2032 after all ([43:02]), leading to jokes about NASA walking back panic headlines.
  • Scientists theorize women’s breasts evolved “to keep babies warm” ([44:06])—which the hosts promptly ridicule.
  • New studies: Chimpanzees like crystals (just like Sedona tourists); Thin Mints taste better frozen due to activated menthol ([45:47]).
  • Classic Uranus Jokes: Returning to a staple, they discuss whether SpaceX will finally “probe Uranus.” ([46:44], [47:16])
  • [47:27] John: “That way they could do multiple probes [on Uranus] and think my tooth get any more pain…”

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Guest Segment: Gina Brion

• Comedian Gina Brion Drops In: The show's guest brings sassy comedy flair, and Holmberg marvels at her refusal to reach for the studio microphone—setting up a playful power struggle.
  • [49:28] Gina: “Yeah, I did [simp]. See how that works?”
  • [50:37] John: “Yeah. Not the other way around. I mean, really, it was high. Really.”
  • Gina describes a toxic relationship and breaking down a door (with MMA technique) after her boyfriend locked her out—a tale that doubles as a teaser for her comedy. ([52:34]–[54:38])
  • They bond over “In the Heights,” debate the cultural value of the musical, and Gina asserts the reality of New York Puerto Rican life.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Tooth Pain:
  • John: “Today, tip of the catbird for you, popping in here, because it is not fun.”
• On Pong Pong Restaurant:
  • John: “Pong Pong make pus taste better.”
• On Iran Stereotypes:
  • John: “There's an Iranian Brady who's telling Iranian dad jokes and running around doing green eggs … I put it in the smoker. Put the goat and the dog in the smoker.”
• On Iranian Women’s Soccer:
  • John: “That’s a religion I’d never get behind. Imagine if they put beards on them…”
• On NBA Diversity:
  • John: “The second you put a 5 foot 7 inch Asian on the court, you get the fine … we know what you’re doing.”
• Gina Brion, on Simping:
  • [49:28] Gina: “Simping. Easy ain’t easy.”
  • On breaking down a door: “No, he was a narcissist, so he wanted the emotional response. So he knew if he locked the door, I would have a response … You press the crazy button.”

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00–05:40: Tooth pain, gross dental stories, Pong Pong restaurant nostalgia
• 08:45–13:00: Iranian women’s soccer, cultural stereotypes
• 14:54–23:20: Imaginary “Iranian Brady” and Iran satire
• 29:00–37:40: NBA discussion, short Asian Bulls player, tanking
• 39:00–41:18: Flamingo theft news, “Peachy Tuscadero” riff
• 42:38–47:32: Science news (moon asteroid, “fun bags,” Thin Mints, Uranus)
• 49:13–54:38: Gina Brion guest segment—microphone standoff, door-kicking story

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Takeaways

• Tone & Style: Absurd, irreverent, and unfiltered; Holmberg’s crew tells stories that mix real pain with slapstick, push cultural boundaries for the sake of comedy, and keep things moving fast via quick banter and inside jokes.
• Humor Focus: Gross-out anecdotes, ethnic and sports stereotypes (often intentionally exaggerated for effect), and lots of “did they really just say that?” energy.
• Guest Segment: Gina Brion’s drop-in is a comic highlight, letting the crew bounce off strong personality and riff on power dynamics, relationships, and NYC-Puerto Rican life.

Caution: The show is proudly non-PC and laced with edgy humor; sensitive listeners should approach accordingly.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

Holmberg's morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. Listen to just seeing Brett walk around. It's like 1940 over here. He should have one of those things tied around his head like they used to do.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah, tie it up.

[John Holmberg]

Dentist stuff. You've got this. This broken root. Yeah.

[Brady]

Oh, he's got at least three months of nuts stored in those cheeks.

[John Holmberg]

And if you've ever had tooth pain, like. Like nerve exposed tooth pain, that's the worst. It's a disaster. And, like, I assumed there would be emergency dentistry for you to go. This is something you need to take care of. And I'm. Today, today. Tip of the catbird for you. Popping in here because it is not fun. That's a. That's a miserable pain to feel.

[Brady]

I'm demanding results after one day.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man. Absolutely. Gummo's feeling. It's like we talked about, too, that when some of those infection spots pop the worst. It's the worst ever swell up, and then they pus out of your mouth. And I told Brett yesterday, if it weren't for. Because I had this. When I was 19 years old, I had a. My wisdom teeth didn't grow up out of my gums. They grew forward under my other teeth. And I was sitting on the couch, and I just felt this crack. And I'm like, ow. And then there was powder in my mouth. It busted two different teeth, like rocks underneath the roots, and it popped the tops of my teeth off, and they just went to powder, like, not the whole time spitting big chunks. I'm like, you know, you ever have those dreams where your teeth fall out? It happened in reality. Like, I spit two. I'm like, what just happened? Two completely healthy white teeth, but broken in half. And the roots were. And then I took a breath in, and I'm like, oh, no. And it was the worst pain I could ever imagine. And then I couldn't get into a dentist for three days because it was a Saturday. And they're like, we don't have emergency dentistry until Tuesdays. And I'm like, what? Where's the emergency? That's what I said. I didn't even know what that meant. So I just sit on the. I put. My dad had some old remedy. I've told you about it, where he just took bare aspirin. He's like, put it right directly on the nerve, which works, except for it burns a hole in it. So then you've got, like, this sore for the. It was the dumbest thing I've ever done, but it actually worked in moderation if you stuck it on there. But then the abscess thing happened. I broke my nose a while, and then I thought I had a sinus infection. It turned out I had the broken root of my tooth. And I told Brett that. And this is gross, but you swell up and your gums swell up. Oh, yeah, right. I got a big bubble. Bubble. And then it pops. Oh, I hope you're enjoying your breakfast this morning.

[Brady]

I did a little research.

[John Holmberg]

Hold on. It pops in your mouth, and then it gushes pus in your mouth kind of unexpectedly. And that tastes the way poop smells. Yep. And then. And then you're eating that without any. And you're spitting it out as much as you can. And I remember the whole thing just into my mouth all at once, once. And I'm like. And it was like, swallowing. Not supposed to swallow it. It's poison. Yeah, it's an infection. And I was eating sweetened sour shrimp from Pong Pong. Used to be on Price and Southern. He's eating Pong Pong. And. And it was. You know, it was the only thing I could eat that wasn't. And I realized that Pong Pong's food might be better with infected pus. And I started to have sort of a. I told Brett, I'm like, that's how I liked sweet and sour. And I associate that with a gross mouth. So every time I get sick, I crave Pong Pong sweet and sour shrimp, which I don't even know if pomp does go. I don't even know if Brady. I don't know if punk.

[Brady]

Pong's Gong Gong.

[John Holmberg]

Is it gone? Do you remember Pong Pong?

[Brady]

Yes. Why?

[John Holmberg]

Pong Pong was. Brett. It was smaller than this.

[Brady]

I never went. But I know the name.

[John Holmberg]

Well, of course you know Pong Pong. Nobody's gonna. You knew the name. You stored it away. Because Pong Pong could just be somebody being silly about a panda.

[Brady]

You know, there's some legendary Asian restaurants. Hong Kong, Big Wong.

[John Holmberg]

But Pong Pong was not legendary or a restaurant. I don't even think it qualified as a restaurant. It was just a. There's one still on Bell road, and. Okay, 33rd Avenue. Can't be related. Just a coincidence. That one. Pong Pong. Why not? No Pong Pong? I opened Pong Pong. Like, there's no. Yeah, you know, there's no franchises of Pong Pong. That guy just accidentally said the same thing another guy said.

[Brady]

Are there still big Wongs?

[John Holmberg]

Two big in this room? No, there's only one. Oh, wait a minute. It's still there. Wait, Hong Kong still there? I think it is on Price and Southern. Yeah, I believe so. Jesus Christ. That's 50 years of pung Pong. We got to celebrate. If they're still there, they're 50 years of Pong Pong. At least 40 because they were there when I was a kid. Holy smokes. Mark Stebbings, my fat friend, he got. He got me hooked on Pong Pong. He used to always say he'd look at me like he was addicted and just go. And like, out of nowhere just go, pong Pong. And I'm like, what? That's it? Wow. No, that's not the right. That's not the same location because they. This was over. Where's that one? That's on Price and Southern. That might be it. I don't remember them having the. The southwestern tiles. Pong Pong.

[Brady]

They updated the center.

[John Holmberg]

They may have. Because I haven't been to Pong Pong in a long time. Yeah, that's exactly it. That's right off the freeway. Price and Southern. There it is. There's Pong Pong. Oh, how many years has punk Pong been now? I want to go. Maybe after we get off the show. You know what? I'm going to take you to lunch for Pong Pong and get that sweet and sour shrimp. It cures mouth abscess. Yeah, there's nothing. There's not. There's not much worse as far as just immediate. I think it does. I think that Pong Pong.

[Brady]

Oh, are you a little hot and sour on there?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, don't mess with recipe, Brady man. I've been eating that all week. Go. Sweet sour shrimp. It make the pasta taste good. That's how good Pong Pong is. It makes pus taste better. Oh, we could put the sauce on past. Really? Oh, yeah. You make a sweet sour pass. Oh, we serve that. And eating those shrimp, those. They were kind of. They were fried, you know, but it was that. It wasn't like, crisp. So Pong Pong. I liked it, but it was almost doughy. They're batter. Yeah, lightly batter. Like a woman who don't listen. But his Pong Pong was big into domestic violence. Always making the jokes. Oh, lightly bad Timpura, like my wife. Shut up, bitch. I Pong pong her. I Pong pong you. I go lightly battered temporal wife like Don Rickles. Up there. Yeah, he better do it.

[Brady]

Just quiet down.

[John Holmberg]

Hockey puck. Where the pol rocks at? And then I'm like hard punk Pong. I'm telling you, no sweet sour shrimp. So good at pong. Pong make pus taste better. And it did. So if you get a pus break, we know what. We'll just doordash over some pong. Pong. What time does Pong Pong open? I open early for Brett Pus. All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Head downtown to stand up live to catch Gina Brion along with Francisco de Carlo up north at the Desert Ridge Improv. It's the very funny Patrick Warburton entertain at Eastside of the Tempe Improv. Do not miss the incomparable Mitch Fatale. For the complete lineups and for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com hey, it's Larry McFeely here with my friend Wayne from Amco.

[Announcer/Advertiser]

Wayne, it's tax time.

[John Holmberg]

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[Brady]

couple of penalty kicks.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, you get. Yeah you get it. You get an extra attempt at something because Allah makes it so these broads can't even like they gotta be. They gotta be in their period outfits. You know when the girls around the house which wears her sweats in her and she looks at like I'm just gonna be uncomfortable for a couple of

[Brady]

days or get together with the clerics or something say you know they can. Yeah they can go without it for to compete.

[John Holmberg]

Call Nike. No, they can't. I know. Hates lady skin. Hates lady skin. You're a. If your ankles pop loose. Can't do that. That. That's a religion I'd never get behind. Imagine what if they put beards on

[Brady]

them and you know, made them in I bet.

[John Holmberg]

Well they did that a lot. But there they are. Look at what they're wearing.

[Brady]

Those are chicks. It's tighter.

[John Holmberg]

And here's the other. It's a tighter head garb like who's funding this? Where's Iran get its funding? And I know they've got oil and stuff but they've got a women's soccer team. I don't think it's as bad over there as they're leading on. Those are chicks. Well, come on. Goalie looks solid goalie looks. Goalie's a better looking one of most. Goalie is the strongest looking girl. Some Iranian chicks could be pretty hot, but not on that team. Well, come on. Jesus.

[Brady]

There's one guy in the back row that's definitely a dude. 13.

[John Holmberg]

Well there's a couple of them that are on. We're not guys. We're not here to sexualize. The Iranian women's soccer team. There's nothing to sexualize. Right. We're just surprised they exist. Can we remain surprised they exist? It just doesn't seem like they should be a thing. With all I hear about Iran and its oppressive nature and they. But they put a lady society. They funded a women's soccer team. It just doesn't seem.

[Brady]

That's just a. I don't believe that's a real team.

[John Holmberg]

That's off brand. That's out of character for Iran to say I love. When do they celebrate? Is it on their tv? The women whores have won the rightless cricket people of Iran have won it.

[Brady]

You're not allowed to watch.

[John Holmberg]

No, you can't watch them running and achieving. That would give you ideas that maybe women can do stuff. I'm always of the idea that Iran, like you, if you're a woman, you just kind of hide all the time. Maybe I'm wrong, but they got a soccer team, and that goes against everything that women are supposed to be in that religion, which is completely docile. And let's not make noise here. Let's just zip it. You're gonna start piping up and staying. You know, next thing you know, if you've got women's sports, you know what follows that real quick? Lesbian stuff. You can't have a good soccer team. That's all heterosexual. They're gonna get some heated rivalry action going on that thing. There's gonna be some temptation of. Then they find out that they're gay. On top of. From everything I know about Iran, that ends poorly as well. The Iranian female soccer team missing. Yeah, they're not going home. Luckily for them, during all this mess, they're out there playing Australian soccer in some cup again. That's a tough out. They're not gonna lose too often because their next stop is Tehran and they get to go home. Our volleyball team isn't that great either. Their volleyball team has to wear all the garbage. We get everything, and they got. Man, they got scuba gear on. What do they do when they watch the Olympics over in Iran? Like, oh, God, is that her butt cheek? They just get on that carpet and start screaming east. What do they think of us in the Olympics? Horse. Horse. Look at the horse. No wonder they want to kill us. They dress their women up like that just to play volleyball. We got together with Nike and Adidas and we made you non whore outfits like the rest of the world wears. Yeah, they're in full. Like, they look like scuba divers. Yeah,

[Announcer/Advertiser]

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[John Holmberg]

here from the morning sickness to tell you about the Core Institute. People who met me found out that I've had four major operations in the last four years. They're blown away. I've had both shoulders, shoulders replaced and both hips replaced because I was an absolute disaster before my surgeries. I was in pain. Now no one knows I've had any issues. People who hear multiple surgeries assume they'll never be the same again. That's just not true. I'm better than I've been in 20 years. Stop quitting the things you love and get back to being the pain free you. You love the Core institute dot com. Holmberg's morning sickness. You know what? That's on me. It's a hundred percent on me. To think that they don't have anything modern at all. That they just sit and pound, you know, anvils with giant hammers all day and scream death to America. And there's no fun at the beach. And I don't really think of them as watery types. You know, the folks that fish, they probably go fishing just like us. There's probably bass boats in Iran. Think of that. Then they're gonna show you that on tv. We were bass fishing when the bombs dropped. Somebody's bass fishing. They're out there playing cornhole and smoking some rats. They've got a weekend. They're smoking goat. Like there's a Brady of Iran. How are you? Come on in. My goat and my, my green egg. There's a guy with a green egg and a TV on his patio.

[Brady]

Yeah, I mean, they have to take the tripod out of the truck to fit the green egg in.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, well, yeah, you gotta get your 50C. This is. You're going back to the propaganda. There's a family who have an Iranian Escalade that loads up with umbrellas and beach balls and igloo coolers and Brady's there and. Yo, Hallah, you want to take neighbor Caitlyn? She'd drive her over if we take her to Santiago. They have a San Diego, they've got a kick ass beach. They're picking Iranian strawberries over there too. Yeah, Having the time of their lives with Iranian Brady.

[Brady]

Don't have to worry about sunblock.

[John Holmberg]

That was a nice day. Thanks Allah. What a beautiful beach day here in Iran. It's good to be Iranian, don't you think? Oh, I saw your ankle. Sorry. I gotta. Sorry about That I have to tell the kids now. I saw one of your mother's ankles. I had to kill it. That's my perception of Iran. But there's an Iranian Brady who's telling Iranian dad jokes and running around doing green eggs. And I put it in the smoker. Put the goat and the dog in the smoker. Gonna have some people over to watch Tehran State take on Michigan goat ribs. Yeah, I didn't mean to excite you. You can calm down. I know that. You don't need to go down the menu for the sake of the joke. Just run with goat meat.

[Brady]

You're good.

[John Holmberg]

It's not good. You put a little mint sauce on that. People on Iranian Brady in the square. Well, Iranian Brady's a thing. I'm not sure we can flesh that out by the time 9:30 rolls around, but we'll see. You guys want to come by, watch little football? Bring your wives? Make sure they're covered head to toe because I'll throw up on those whores if they come in any other way. You guys wanna. Hey, look over there. Roosted a pig. I'm just kidding. That would be against. Yeah. Anyway, I'm gonna go pray for a little bit. Got five of those. They're out there. They're just hanging out. Kirby Derbs, you get to drive that Mustang around. People are gonna start noticing your ankles. You know what happens next? I want to play Iranian soccer, dad. Ah, no girl of mine's gonna be playing that. Gonna get you a sex change. Make you the proper Iranian girl. In the pool, swimming around. Just everything Brady does at his house, standing outside. And Iranians are going by on the backs of their donkeys. Oh, great. Is outside. I had. Getting his mail. I. There's no. Hey, neighbor. Oh, Christ.

[Brady]

Tent flaps open.

[John Holmberg]

If I've ever wanted. If I ever wanted America to get us. Now please pray for bomb so I can. How's it going there? Hey, nice sandals. Yes, thank you, Brady. I have to. I'm in a hurry. I have to go to the hole in the ground to take giant hole in the. I have one of those too, you know, mine backed up a little bit of cold. Eric over there from Precision Plumbing of Iran popped by. Spent a couple hours chat with him about his weekend. Yes. Yes, you do very good about this. Hala. Hala. I didn't realize it was time to. Hala.

[Brady]

Hala.

[John Holmberg]

Does Iranian Brady have a restaurant called Godopolis? Godopolis. Come on down. As if Iranian morning show wake up to run. Anyway, I don't think of them having girl sports at all. Oh, I don't even want American girl sports in a couple of areas, let alone imagine putting money down to go watch female Iranian soccer in Tehran. Two, please. Yes, to me and my wife want to watch Iranian girls soccer. I know, I know. Everybody's watto from Star Wars. What do you want, Jedi? Sorry, I'm off on my own Cartoonish.

[Brady]

Eventually, you know you want. You bring your daughter there to get excited about to try to soccer.

[John Holmberg]

You can do anything.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

We tell you you can get the youth leagues.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Like you are a strong and powerful woman. I'm kidding. Now lay down for the man I will present to you at age 9. We are trading you.

[Brady]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

She still has soft spot on head. She's still valuable to man. Her bone structure is not done yet. Give her to someone good. We need dowry of goat. That's how I picture them. Evidently they're over there playing girls soccer and going to the beach. We wrecked a couple beach weekends, but I think we all feel that way about her. And if I told you to picture Iran right now, you're not picturing smokers and barbecues and restaurants and beach weekends. Igloo cooler. Like if you're in Tehran. Do you think. Do you think if I said, hey, Brady, I'm gonna drop in Tehran, I need you got an hour to find an igloo cooler and fill it with delicious snacks, if any. If anybody could do it, it's you. But I. I don't. You would. First thing you'd say to me is, they don't have coolers in Iran.

[Brady]

I don't think there'd be a lot of potholes in there right now, like giant tents.

[John Holmberg]

Well, sure. Now I'm saying even before the way you picture Iran, you're not thinking you can just run down to the store, grab a cooler and spend a weekend at the lake. We're going jet skiing. That does like you don't think they do. They have a jet ski dealership. Probably, but we would never know that. Get a bag of Kingsford charcoal, grill up that goat, you know, have a great weekend. I got it.

[Brady]

Heading to the lake for the weekend.

[John Holmberg]

They go to the lake for 4th of August. I don't know what they celebrate going out for four the Khajomeini day. And we're going to the lake. What are you going to Goat fest? Yeah, yeah, they're going 21 pilots. Well, 14 pilots now, but two pilots, they call them. Going to the big show over there by the ballpark.

[Brady]

21 virgin.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, 21. Virgin's a good. It's a good band. They're playing over arena and we're gonna knock that down almost one sickness Magnetic upd. It's John Holberg here from the morning sickness. Time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of my home group and Doug Hopkins.com another satisfied listener called TVs Doug Hopkins and sold her home for cash. She reached out. Her name's Ashley. And Doug wants to make it simple. Buy your house for cash as is. You don't have to do anything. Just like Ashley, no strings attached. If he moves that price, you get $5,000. Want to sell that place? Start the process online@doug hopkins.com or grab the phone and sing. Call Doug Hopkins, 1-800-channel now. It's John Holberg here, and I found a place I'm genuinely excited about. Modern resolution windows and doors. And it all started because my front door just broke. Not stuck, not squeaky. The thing actually broke. So I called them, and from the first meeting, I could tell family run local. They care about doing things right. It was great. Check them out. Modernresolution.com Great people, great work. Modern resolution windows and doors. My new find and your home's new upgrade. Free in home consultation. So just call text or book online. Modernresolution.com call them 480-665-5732. Morning sickness. On that note, as we just bring it up, the news just broke. Donald Trump has unleashed American fury on the coast of wherever, I don't know, Iran, I guess, where our navy is now, patrolling the entire strait on jet skis. It's an awesome weekend.

[Brady]

They're doing the border too, here in Mexico.

[John Holmberg]

Well, they're doing it here. Oh, I thought it was in Iran. Oh, I misread it. Okay, so we're doing jets in Mexico right now, down in the Gulf, as I understand. Kick ass. That's great. Also like to announce Operation watch the eagle and over Venezuela, Iran and Mexico. And Mexico's a little weird because they've got an eagle on their flag. They stole it. That's ours.

[Brady]

That's a golden eagle.

[John Holmberg]

I've launched Brady in the world today. I've launched over 450,000 bald eagles over Iran right now. So we control the airspace. I figured why not? Why not launch eagles? We can Iran. You just look up and you just see nothing but Israeli and American jets, followed by those majestic, giant American eagles, those gorgeous, beautiful bald eagles. Bald is beautiful, Brett. They say it a lot. Homburg says it all the time. He looks in the mirror and he wipes tears away and he says, bald is beautiful. Remember that. Even though it's just an insecurity, he's trying to mask it. Look at that Jet ski Navy Coasties. We're going to change the name of the Coast Guard to the Kick Ass Weekend in Mexico, guys. How about that? We have a jet ski patrol. We're basically Baywatch. But you got to remember, like, Iran has them, too. Think about that. All those Iranians that move here have the toys, but you never think of them over. And Iran like loading up the car. Okay, everybody get in car, huh? Honey, did you forget Igloo cooler again? I don't want to have to kill you with rocks and pelt you with stones. Okay? All right, everyone in the car. Who has the oxy? Can I control music? Yes. Play proper going to the lake Iranian family music, if you don't mind. As we fire up our Winnebago. The jet skis are tied to the back. Honey, did you bring Halach? Hala Kalash and the Mountain Dew? Yes, of course. All right. Did you cover your ankles? You don't want to get Allah burns. Okay. Apollo has the reins and he is going to bring the sun up as we go. Brad, turn the radio on. I like this song. I know. I start the ox with this stuff right here. Oh, we're going to drive to the lake and have such a day. Where is the radio at? That's right here. Oh, there it goes. We finally got it. And. Oh, this is the best Iranian Going to the Lake song ever. Kick ass magic carpet ride. Oh, yeah. On the ground of sound I don't deny. Yeah, Any place it goes is right. Is this an Iranian accent? I don't know and I don't care. You don't know Ahead we can. Hey, baby. What is it? Why don't you fire over a little ankle your hubby's way, huh? Tease me ho we can see. Why don't you tell your dreams to me? We'll crash a plane into 911 building. Look inside, girl. Cover that Poroshenko, please. Thank you, Allah. Oh, yeah. Get on the magic. I turned the radio station. This song is boring. Let's give you a little romantic song. Oh, yeah. Last night I held Aladdin's lamp. Oh, yeah. No, this one will make. This one will get her all wet down in her hairy nethers. That's right. Everyone in Iran is the triumph the insult comic. Because I don't know what they sound like. Sing, whore, or else I can show you the World shining, shimmering, splendid why do you sound so scared? I'm an Iranian woman. Tell me, princess now when did you let your heart decide? Now you're turning me on. You're giving me an Iranian boner. I can open your eyes Take you wonder by wondering over, sideways and under. Sing it with me, kids. On a magic carpet ride. What is that? An eagle?

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Fantastic. Look out.

[Brady]

Is that a bulge of your velour pants?

[John Holmberg]

I got my. My dress is showing. There are no wrinkles in this today. Oh, neutral. A dazzling place. I never knew a room without bullet holes. My whore's not enclosed. This place is the Iran I wish I knew. Okay, kids, we're at the lake now. Get on your jet skis. Have fun. Oh, you want some new metal for you. Yeah, kick ass. Click, click, boom. Iranian weekend at la. Click, click. Come on. Oh, this one's good. I like this. You'll be blown away when I pull this one off and I read it. Oh, yeah. Go on, though. Oh, Saturdays when kids go out and play I was up in my room I let the stereo blaze on Saturday not faded or jaded Just a kid with the pad and the pen Imagination all this icing the wine Put the envelope through the line oh, baby, if it wasn't so gross I'd put my mouth on your nipples, son. Get on Boogie boy. Everything down on the radio Hear me on the stereo yeah, big click. The new style and you know it. Fuck wild. You know what I want? I want my 72 virgins today. I'm going for it. Sorry. My Iranian lake trip. That's what you need to put together today. Your Iranian playlist for a weekend at the lake. They have jet skis, they have boats, they have them. We just don't think about it. Sorry. The cartoon that's playing in my head. This is very fun. It's John Holmerg here from the morning sickness. And it's time to talk about my friend, TV's Doug Hopkins of my home group and Doug Hopkins dot com. Doug buys houses for cash, as is. No repairs, no showings, none of that usual stress. He knows the Phoenix market inside and out, and he makes the process simple. You need to sell fast. Divorce, relocation, inherited property, whatever. TV's Doug Hopkins is a guy who puts his money where his mouth is. Start the process. Process@doug hopkins.com or grab the phone and sing along. This is Michael with Restore My Civil Rights. Tax season is here, and for many people, that refund check is an opportunity. If a past conviction is holding you back from constitutional rights. Your tax return can be an investment in your future. Instead of spending your refund on something temporary, use it to remove legal barriers from your record and restore your standing as the law abiding citizen you've worked hard to become. To book a free consultation, call 855-gun- rights or visit restoremycivilrights.com today. That's restoremycivilrights.com Holmberg's morning sickness. But the Bulls Last night, if I was the owner of the Bulls, I would fire my entire staff for scouting and general managers and everything else because I haven't watched the bulls play all year. End of the first quarter, we're looking out there and the guy next to me goes, who the hell is that? I looked out on the court and there is a like a Japanese child playing for the bulls and he stands out because he's 5, 7 in Japanese. Now, I don't want to go to stereotypes. Too heavy. Too late. Yeah, but I mean after the Iranian lake trip, I think we all know, by the way, 7am Word. Lightning. Lightning 7am Word. I don't want to go to the stereotypes. Too heavy. But have you not seen basketball? A 5 foot 7 inch Asian, you're not going anywhere. I mean, if there's a.

[Brady]

It's no Linsanity.

[John Holmberg]

No Brady. Linsanity wasn't very good. The only reason people liked Lynn sanity it's because there was an asian guy playing basketball. It wasn't that he was so great. He had a couple of games. You were like, is he good at this? He's the only one now Yao Ming. And he even kind of disappointed. Although it was good. He was seven feet tall. In Chinese. People don't get it. Japanese dudes, you do not recruit from that. You're telling me there isn't one black guy on a g league team right now that's better than a 5 foot 7 inch Asian. There's rules in the NBA that say you're not allowed to tank the season. Like they'll fine you. The second you put a 5 foot 7 inch Asian on the court, you get the fine. Like we know what you're doing. So you put in the Asian in or brawny. Oh, bronnie. If you're picking teams in elementary school, who's the last guy off the wall? I'd pick a crippled black guy before I'd take an Asian 5 foot 7 inch DeAndre all day. 7. Come on.

[Brady]

You don't want pot sticker web in there.

[John Holmberg]

I'm telling you right now. I'd Even take Thriller before I'd take the 5 foot 7 inch Asian. Odds are I'm gonna be wrong with Thriller, but I'm still taking my chances. Before. I don't think that I would assume. No, that's bigotry. But they're terrible. And there's a reason they don't have one black guy in their G League team. Better than the 5 foot 7 inch Asian.

[Brady]

Did he get some playing time?

[John Holmberg]

No, he played a lot. The crazy part is he had a couple of rebounds.

[Brady]

What?

[John Holmberg]

And the whole crowd was like, I don't want to say it. Look, we're all thinking it. We could say stuff like, he shouldn't be out there. There's not one white guy. A Frenchman, an Argentinian. Like, I'd go down the list of almost every other nation. It stops at Japan. And the next one on the list is, like, pygmies. Like, I'm not doing it.

[Brady]

Scattering porters. Like, that Ninja can jump well.

[John Holmberg]

And that's what I said. Maybe he's got some crouching tiger hidden dragon in him, and he can, like, fly on rooftops. No, didn't see. And he took a three and missed it. I'm like, if you. If that little doesn't hit every shot he's cut, like, immediately, you don't. You just don't. So they're tank.

[Brady]

It's not a presentation. Like, let the guy's son play because he's a player.

[John Holmberg]

I said, that's an investment. I turned to the guy next to me. I'm like, did the Bulls recently sell to a Japanese businessman and his son gets to play? Because there's no reason for that guy to be out there. And I don't want to sound bigoted, but I am. And so is the rest of the crowd. So I'm speaking for them. We all pointed and went, why is he out there? Can we all play? Is this a. Did he win a radio contest in Chicago? Did. Did Tingle give him a play for a weekend? You get to play on the Tanking Bulls. And like, hey, I want to pray. All right, you're on. You're on the team. I'm not saying he's bad at basketball. I'm saying there's better options. Five foot seven is the first knock against you ever playing on my team. And then Asians. No, this isn't a thing. You can't do it. You just can't. You're proving to the. You're showing the rest of the world you just don't care. And tickets should be free. Come watch the Bulls go crazy with 5 foot 7 inch Asian men playing professional basketball like it's free.

[Brady]

Did he wear a headband?

[John Holmberg]

No, it was like the kamikaze. Yeah, I was just gonna say he did not. He's shooting 27.8% from the field. This guy just looked it up. The Bulls are there. You should get your money back. If you. We should get it back from going to a Bulls road game last night. Why don't just have a. You know what I think it is? It's the precursor to go. We can get one of those again, one of those WNBA women.

[Brady]

Pretty close to happening now, if that's right.

[John Holmberg]

So I'm wondering if this is like, take one of the bad teams and shock the crowd with something that shouldn't be out there and then maybe we'll put a woman out there. And they're going, yeah. At least you know, Sabrina Ionescu can play Rising sun downtown. Well, we all know that we've had Asians. You calm down. You're not getting a job. Brady's auditioning for this awesome career. There's no reason to come up with a great catchphrase for him. He ain't gonna be around much longer. He's gonna get sent packing. But right now there's something going on. Look, if I was. If you were a fan of the Cardinals, we made fun of Kyler Murray for being too short. He's 6ft tall on a really good. He's about 6ft tall. He's a little bit shorter than that, but he's close. But he's a midget in football. And that was the reason why I can't see over line this and that. 5 foot 7 inch Japanese guy playing

[Brady]

pro ball gotta be the shortest in the league right now. Has to be.

[John Holmberg]

And only Asian. And he's up against, you know, Colin Gillespie last night. Colin Gillespie's, you know, six two, maybe six one. It made him look like the ball looked too big. And you just wanted like, I'm having time of life. Of course you are. You're living the dream. No one else gets to live in Japan. It was. It was Teemu Michael, Jaw Dog. They ordered him and he showed up and like, I'm putting him. I'm out. It's Major League. It's the movie Major League. They just went, we got. You know what we're going to do? We're going to try to tank the season, get the owner to sell. I just hired a 5 foot 7 inch Asian guy from Pong Bong to play he's going to be our point guard. Oh, really? Me? It's been ages since I played basketball. Well, you're a Chicago Bull now. Play for the Bulls. I don't know. Where'd he go to college? No one knows. He just showed up. Like, he didn't. If he was good in college enough to play in the pros, you'd have heard of him during the tournament. And he's got one of them Asian names too. What is it? I don't know. Suki. Suki.

[Brady]

Pretty awesome though. They can save some money on shoes. You can just get the youth.

[John Holmberg]

Well, he probably sewed most of them. And everybody, I make those for you. Devin Booker. I remember. Thanks. I Japanese, not Chinese. But it's still funny. Yeah, I. I want my money back. And Andre says if he was black, no one would bat an eye. Yeah, because we've seen that. Like you're. When you see A black guy, 5 7, playing pro ball, you're like, wait until he jumps. There's a reason he's out there. We know. And it makes you feel bad for being short and being not able to dunk. Spud Webb was 5 3, but he

[Brady]

was won the dunk contest.

[John Holmberg]

Mugsy was 5 3. Spud was 57 and won the dunk contest. There's a special skill involved. Mugsy Bogues was ridiculous. Ridiculous. And he was five fast. But if he was Asian, he'd have gotten kicked out. There's no reason for him. And Mugsy bugs as you watch. People knew him in college. Like, what's that little thing like? Wait till you see it. This dude's amazing.

[Brady]

They have the bookends. He had Mugsy, the shortest and then the tallest. Yeah, Manute.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they were good friends. But watching that last night, I started thinking to myself that the Bulls are up to no good. And the fact that they charge us money to watch teams throw it in the gutter.

[Announcer/Advertiser]

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[John Holmberg]

Fishertools.com come on down to the Ranch House Grill. Comfort food is your next meal. Pork chill averted. Chicken fried steak. Ranch House knows you'll think it's great. Are you ready for the best breakfast in Phoenix? Ranch House Grill has been voted best breakfast four years in a row. We're famous for our chicken fried steak, pork chili verde and large portions. Located in the heart of Arcadia. Join us for breakfast or lunch seven days a week, 6am to 2pm We're a family restaurant with a small town atmosphere serving southwestern comfort food for 18 years. Come on down to the Ranch House Grill for the best breakfast in Phoenix at 56th street and Thomas Road. Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Brady]

33 year old tourist from Canada named Mitchell Fairbairn was arrested after the police said that he stole a flamingo from the Habitat at the Flamingo Hotel in Vegas. He was caught on surveillance camera entering

[John Holmberg]

into his room at 5am People didn't grabbing the bird.

[Brady]

Peachy was the bird that he grabbed. He was also rough with several other birds. He then carried the one up the flamingo. There's pictures of him getting on the elevator with it. Mitchell. Mitchell initially told the police that he went into the Habitat because he saw the flamingo was in distress. And he said he knew how to pop a bird's wing into place.

[John Holmberg]

Sure, who doesn't? I practice that.

[Brady]

Because of his background growing up on a farm, It didn't look like he was treating the bird very nice but then took it up in the room. There's a picture of him.

[John Holmberg]

That's tough to do, man. To wander around with a flamingo unnoticed.

[Brady]

But Peachy's okay.

[John Holmberg]

Also very clever name for a flamingo. Peachy. I'm sure Pinky and Peachy are pretty common in the flamingo land.

[Announcer/Advertiser]

Saw them on Happy Days.

[John Holmberg]

Peachy. It was Peachy and Pinky Tuscadero.

[Brady]

Yeah. Forgot about Peachy.

[John Holmberg]

There wasn't a Peachy Tuscadera.

[Brady]

Oh, there wasn't.

[John Holmberg]

That's why you forgot about. That's why you forgot. Yeah, it's the Mandela effect. You're pretty suggestible, Brady. We're best friends now. By the way, I am going to rob you blind. There was not a peach. Peachy was in a wheelchair. Peachy Tescadero got killed by the molochi crunch. She was in the. The car crash episode and it was terrible spinal injury. Peachy was. And the reason I called her Peachy is because she had such a great disposition after the wreck.

[Brady]

Yeah, that was one of my favorite.

[John Holmberg]

That's a good episode. Pretty sure she. Al Arnold's the guy who bought Arnold's Al Molinaro. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Hey, Yo. Al, did I hear right? Did you Peachy Tuscadero? Yeah. Yep, yep, yep. She's in a wheelchair. You son of a. Tonight on Happy Days.

[Brady]

Now it's time for some science news.

[John Holmberg]

Wouldn't it have been a great episode? They had to boycott Arnold because Al got caught. PG Tuscadero. The wheelchair bound Tuscadero, like, was.

[Announcer/Advertiser]

Who caught Fonz?

[John Holmberg]

Richie. Richie. Potsy saw it. No, actually, it would be Ralph Malf had to see it. He tells Potsy. Those two knobs start to try to convince everybody. Get out of here.

[Announcer/Advertiser]

Mouth.

[John Holmberg]

And then. And then Fonzie goes up and goes, hey, yeah. Boom. Glide of the fonts. Yeah. Yep, yep, yep. You're telling me.

[Brady]

You.

[John Holmberg]

Peachy Tuscadero? Yeah, I put her in a tree Notch. Oh, yeah. What are you talking, Raven? I had to keep the comedy going

[Brady]

outside of Mrs. C's.

[John Holmberg]

I had to eat my vegetable spawns. And the crowd's like, they're still laughing. That's not funny, Al.

[Announcer/Advertiser]

What song plays on the jukebox?

[John Holmberg]

Nobody just hits it. I don't know. Rolling, rolling, rolls. Yeah, that's a great one. But I'm glad we can tell Brady that things existed that didn't because it gives us an opportunity to like, fan fiction. Life. I forgot about Peachy Tuscadero.

[Brady]

Well, I remember she had a sister.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, not a flamingo. Did we do the 8 o'? Clock? I'm sorry, 8 o'. Clock. Word is hardwired. Hardwired.

[Announcer/Advertiser]

All one word?

[John Holmberg]

Yep, One word. Hardwired.

[Brady]

And now it's time for some science news.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Hello?

[Brady]

My phone.

[John Holmberg]

That's not right.

[Announcer/Advertiser]

That's the wrong one.

[John Holmberg]

That's my thing. You do something better than that. Come on, get it. Pick it up. Hello, my friends.

[Brady]

Professor Brady Bogan here with your science news. Remember the big asteroid that was going to hit Earth in 2032? No. Then

[John Holmberg]

I can't remember 2032. It hasn't happened yet.

[Brady]

And then they said, nope, it's going to hit the moon instead. NASA now says it's not happening either way. They announced that yesterday there's zero percent chance of a lunar impact.

[John Holmberg]

So nothing's ever been on the moon.

[Brady]

So the moon is safe.

[John Holmberg]

It's safe from both asteroids and human contact.

[Announcer/Advertiser]

Start to really like you. They just throw this stuff out there to rile us up. And then years later, never mind.

[John Holmberg]

They're know it alls. They're running around doing stuff we don't understand. And they scream out, look what we found. And then A few, like, whoops, we were wrong. I lost that bet. I thought we were gonna get a Uranus joke in there. Ah, well. Oh.

[Announcer/Advertiser]

Didn't even see it coming.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I heard him.

[Brady]

Just hang on there. Hang on.

[John Holmberg]

I heard him say big asteroid, and I'm like, oh, here we go.

[Brady]

A study may have figured out why human fun bags are so much bigger than they are in the rest of the animal kingdom.

[John Holmberg]

Those are breasts. Adults.

[Announcer/Advertiser]

Yeah. Surgery.

[Brady]

Evolved to have the reason why women have bigger boobs. To keep babies warm. That's a theory.

[John Holmberg]

That's not true.

[Gina Brion]

What?

[John Holmberg]

You don't.

[Announcer/Advertiser]

Up under the crease. What?

[John Holmberg]

How big are your boobs? You can fit a baby under them.

[Brady]

A new study found that chimpanzees love crystals, too, Just like the ladies in Sedona.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, they're all nuts.

[Brady]

Researchers gave chimps big chunks of crystal in rocks to see if they found one more interesting. They all went towards the crystals.

[Announcer/Advertiser]

Hear that, ladies?

[Brady]

Even carrying them around, fascinated by them.

[John Holmberg]

Well, the Sedona women will consider that to be like, see, they have a special energy. But really what it is is something with the IQ of a chimpanzee is the same as a Sedona tourist who's just lost her marriage and needs to regroup with geodes.

[Brady]

But they got some of them back by trading bananas for them.

[John Holmberg]

Of course, food trumps rocks. You know who else is blown away by shiny stuff? Ladies on their way to Sedona for the weekend. Bass. You're the same as bass. The bass probably in the bass population. They're down there going, did you know that those shiny things have, like, energetic properties to take you to the vortex? And the other bass, like. And then the smart bass that has a radio show goes, these bass. Go ahead, ladies. It's just a tourist trap. And then they go, see? I told you. And then they bite into the shiny thing, and it kills them. Chimps, bass, and recently divorced women in their 40s all have the same attractive properties of geniuses.

[Brady]

And ravens.

[John Holmberg]

And ravens. That's right. I'll go so far as to say ladies are smarter than ravens, because I don't think a woman's gonna lose her mind if she sees tinfoil in the road. Smart bird. They're smart and all, but the tinfoil thing, you're like, all right, they're not that.

[Brady]

Huffington Post did a deep dive on the science behind why a lot of people think Thin Mints taste better frozen. Basically, the coldness activates the menthol in the mint and makes it stand out.

[John Holmberg]

More. Hey, by the way, I'm a science guy. I believe in science. I don't believe in the hooey that everybody else throws sky wizards and stuff. But can we get back on the cancer cure and lay off of the the Thin mint research? They taste good both ways. There's no reason to worry about that. It's the menthol. Have we quit on cancer? I know this guy. This guy. I know where they studied that. Ew. Somewhere down there on Martin Luther King Boulevard and Frank Thomas Avenue in Chicago. Leave my new ports out of this. So do you like your menthols frozen or what? Do you think I smoke Mentos, man. Come on, we both know you smoke.

[Brady]

Finally, more space news. Can. Can SpaceX help NASA probe Uranus before it's too late?

[John Holmberg]

Here it is.

[Brady]

It's over 1.5 billion miles away, sometimes farther. So it takes a long time to get there because that Uranus remains largely unexplored.

[John Holmberg]

If you're going to do the joke, do it.

[Brady]

SpaceX is working on a way to refuel ships as they're in space, which could help NASA make it to Uranus a lot faster.

[John Holmberg]

All right, enough pretty.

[Brady]

That way they could do multiple probes

[John Holmberg]

and think my tooth get any more pain. I want to punch myself in the tooth and get a dentist visit immediately to get out of here. You don't even find it.

[Brady]

That's your science news.

[John Holmberg]

You don't even laugh at these terrible Uranus stories that you think it's real.

[Brady]

John, Is it?

[John Holmberg]

Because Kirby, always when you come home, man, we were on the floor with the Uranus stuff, man. Great job, man. Hey, dad. What is it, Kirby? Herbs. How far away is my anus? You can't do it that way, Kirby. It's gotta start with urine. You made me say it. Hey, it's John Holmberg here for Life Changer Loans. Whether you're buying a home, trying to refinance or improve things financially, you got to focus on one thing. Clarity. You don't have to do it the old way. Life Changer Loan is here to help. Call my friend Shane o' Grady at Life Changer Loan and see if it's for you. Good credit, good with money. There is more than just the old fashioned bank loan. And if you want to see what's possible financially in your life that's different than what you're doing now. [e-mail] Life Changer Loan it's not magic.

[Brady]

It's just.

[John Holmberg]

Just math.

[Announcer/Advertiser]

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[John Holmberg]

Gina Brion. Am I saying it right? Brilliant. Can I say it French? Well, you got to talk into a microphone. You've done this before. Yeah. You're Puerto Rican. You don't need a microphone. Look at you.

[Gina Brion]

I'm gonna.

[John Holmberg]

Did you just simp Brad?

[Gina Brion]

Yeah, I did.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Gina Brion]

You see how that works?

[John Holmberg]

That was awesome. Thank you. Thank you. Didn't even reach for the microphone?

[Gina Brion]

No, I don'. Have to reach for microphone.

[John Holmberg]

It was like a snap. Brad ran to it and put it in your face.

[Gina Brion]

Do it to all of you.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. I am looking forward to it. I've never seen simping so easy.

[Gina Brion]

Simping.

[John Holmberg]

Simping. Easy ain't easy.

[Gina Brion]

Ain't easy.

[John Holmberg]

But simping a man to put. Now, normally you'd say he jammed it in her face, but then. It's bad.

[Gina Brion]

It's bad.

[John Holmberg]

No, she just sat with her hands and goes, yeah, I've done this before. She looked up at it twice, and Brad ran over and did that. We weren't going to do that.

[Brady]

Did you hear background?

[Gina Brion]

If somebody. If Brad.

[John Holmberg]

One of you would have. He would have because he's afraid to offend. I would. I would have gone stalemate with you as long as we got.

[Gina Brion]

You would have stared me down until I went like this.

[John Holmberg]

I'd have just turned mine towards you.

[Brady]

So easy, my lady.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Gina Brion]

And I would have been like, thank you, good sir.

[Brady]

Thank you.

[John Holmberg]

Been in this room for 25 years. We've interviewed I don't know how many people. I have never seen a woman just go, I'm not reaching for that.

[Gina Brion]

That's not my job. Put away, guys. The mic should have been ready for me.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Not the other way around. I mean, really, it was high. Really.

[Gina Brion]

This is a production issue is what

[John Holmberg]

I want to Say you're blaming us now. This is gaslighting. I didn't even know what that meant until right now. Right now. I've been telling people. Oh, gaslighting's not a thing. I'm feeling it. Wow. Gina's feeling very threatened. Toledo was wrong the whole time. Gina's at stand up live. We said her at 10pm prev. You're stand up live. I know. We're screwing everything up around here.

[Gina Brion]

The mic's not ready. You guys have the wrong info.

[John Holmberg]

You're a Puerto Rican woman. And they're not known for their height.

[Announcer/Advertiser]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

Name one like Amazon.

[Gina Brion]

Son of a. How tall does Bad Bunny have to be?

[John Holmberg]

He's not a woman.

[Gina Brion]

It doesn't matter.

[John Holmberg]

Most of the America thought he might be, but that they didn't watch. No, but you didn't even. Like, you looked up. Like, I don't do up. Yeah.

[Gina Brion]

No, I don't up.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you don't up. Why would you up. And you're putting headphones on wrong, too. You're doing whatever you want.

[Gina Brion]

I am putting headphones on the way that you put them on when you have hair.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, hey. I'm so sorry.

[Brady]

Another jab.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, take your head off. Look. Look at Clark Gable over here. This is what you do. Put your goddamn headphones on like a person the whole time. Do not be bullied into ruining your. That's why you're not a steak. How dare you. Oh, my God. All I'm trying to do is promote away and she keeps messing with it. It's kind of cool. It's quarterback. It's like Joe Theisman in 1981. It's YA Tittles face mask. Gina Brion's at the standup Live. Friday, Saturday. That's tonight. And tomorrow, standuplive.com if you want to go. And I had so many questions, but now I'm afraid of you.

[Gina Brion]

Puerto Rican women from New York have that effect.

[John Holmberg]

Puerto Rican women who go to New York are mad. You and you seem so pleasant, but I know at a drop of a hat you could kill me right away.

[Gina Brion]

Right away.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, so who's the last boyfriend you stabbed? Let's just start with the Oz.

[Gina Brion]

Not stabbed, but I did break his door down.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding. Yeah, with a barrel run.

[Gina Brion]

Shoulder kicked the shit out of me.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you can't say. No, you didn't. You kicked the.

[Gina Brion]

I kicked the caca out of it.

[John Holmberg]

You kicked the door down. What did he do?

[Gina Brion]

I kicked the door down. We were having. It was a really toxic relationship.

[John Holmberg]

If you can't tell. Well, there's a Puerto Rican woman. How dare you?

[Gina Brion]

I love the problem.

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna lose door here. And I watched in the Heights. We're gonna lose the Door is right. I watched in the Heights. I was in Columbia once and looked over the bridge.

[Gina Brion]

In the Heights is not a documentary.

[John Holmberg]

I think it is. I do believe it is just Puerto Rican. Did you ever play the numbers?

[Gina Brion]

Of course I did.

[John Holmberg]

Of course. It's a documentary. It's a documentary. Look.

[Gina Brion]

That's a part of New York culture as well, guys.

[John Holmberg]

If you didn't cry when USNAVI finally got together at the end. It's a moving study of beautiful. Have you not seen it?

[Brady]

I haven't.

[John Holmberg]

It's fantastic.

[Gina Brion]

You have to watch it. It's so great.

[John Holmberg]

I was. I was running around screaming the song about the ice guy.

[Gina Brion]

Oh, my God, you were. I thought you were an enemy. Look at that. We've made friends, guys.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, I'm not going to your neighborhood or anything, but I'm definitely. Doors are flying off right away.

[Gina Brion]

Right away.

[John Holmberg]

So this guy and you were in a toxic relationship. He locks you out.

[Gina Brion]

He. We were having. Yeah, I guess I have a thing with locked doors. I don't know. It's a trauma. And so we were having a fight, and he went in the bedroom, locked the door. And that's, like, the one thing I said. I was like, please don't lock doors. I said it nicely in the beginning. Please don't lock doors. And then tempers were high, and the door was locked, and I was really mad, and I kicked it down. It's toxic.

[Brady]

Was it a front kick or a mule kick? Well, like, back.

[Gina Brion]

It was. It was an mma. Like.

[John Holmberg]

Like a spinning kick?

[Gina Brion]

No, it was like a straight, like, two.

[Brady]

Yeah. Kick.

[John Holmberg]

I asked you. This is a very, very clever deflection. I asked you what had happened, and you just said, I kicked the door down again.

[Gina Brion]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

You did not tell me why.

[Gina Brion]

Oh, no, because it was locked.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I understand that. But why was he locking you out?

[Gina Brion]

Just because.

[John Holmberg]

To antagonize.

[Gina Brion]

It was to antagonize me because he

[John Holmberg]

just got up off the couch and said, I'm going to.

[Gina Brion]

Was. No, he was a narcissist, so he wanted the emotional response. So he knew if he locked the door, I would have a response. Or he would press the button.

[Brady]

Yep.

[Gina Brion]

Because this is what narcissists do. They press the button and then they go, you're crazy. No, you press the crazy button.

[John Holmberg]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool actually. No membership fees. I have heard enough of this.

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[John Holmberg]

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