03-07-25 - First Rain In Almost A Year Had John Needing New Wipers - Leah And Rodger Angrily Email In Calling John Mysoginistic And A Pedophile Trump Hater - John Uses His Radio Powers To Close Schools

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode: March 7, 2025
Host: John Holmberg
Co-Hosts: Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Release Date: March 7, 2025

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Introduction: Rain Brings Chaos to Phoenix (00:35 - 03:08)

The episode kicks off with John Holmberg addressing the aftermath of the first substantial rain in Phoenix in over a year. This rare weather event has wreaked havoc on residents' windshield wipers, leading to dangerous driving conditions. John humorously recounts his own experience:

John Holmberg [01:12]: "I just fell off the first whip when it... I might as well have had one of those inflatable men outside of a car dealership wiping my window."

Brady and Bret join the conversation, expressing their frustrations with malfunctioning wipers and offering sarcastic advice:

Brady [02:02]: "Stay home."

John emphasizes the importance of checking wipers before heading out, joking about the futility of trying to clean them effectively:

John Holmberg [02:02]: "Give yourself a little, you know, Windex squirt there with that button. And if that doesn't get cleaned off, you don't stand a chance."

Listener Backlash: Accusations of Misogyny and Promoting Pedophilia (04:32 - 14:20)

The show takes a heated turn as John reads and reacts to angry emails from listeners Leah and Roger. These listeners accuse him of misogyny, promoting pedophilia, and being a Trump hater. John responds with a mix of mockery and deflection:

John Holmberg [04:32]: "I've blocked you. She's by the way, thank you. You've won once again our most loyal and dedicated listener award for the secretary."

Leah's scathing email criticizes John's content and personal views:

Leah's Email [06:26]: "Why don't you look in the mirror? Maybe then you'll see you're the problem. Women are swearing off men like you because they aren't doing their fair share."

John dismisses Leah's accusations, asserting his stance against misogyny and pedophilia while deriding her complaints:

John Holmberg [08:08]: "By the way, as a homosexual, I don't care what you broads think. Go ahead. Of course I'm misogynistic."

The conversation escalates as John and the co-hosts continue to ridicule Leah and Roger, portraying them as unreasonable and antagonistic listeners. John sarcastically questions their motives and the validity of their accusations:

John Holmberg [12:02]: "Well, Roger, he promotes pedophilia and talks bad about our president as leader of our country, therefore, run. I'm off the radio, huh?"

Using Radio Influence: Declaring a "Snow Day" (14:41 - 26:08)

Shifting gears, John humorously leverages his role as a radio host to "close schools" in response to the inclement weather:

John Holmberg [16:00]: "This is a bad day. And there's a lot of people like me whose windshield wipers didn't work this morning... So let's just close them up."

He proceeds to list numerous schools across Phoenix, declaring each one closed for the day:

John Holmberg [17:27]: "Fireside Elementary School on Cactus Drive, closed. Sonoran Foothills. North Foothills. Closed. Basis. Phoenix Primary on 32nd Street. We're closing you up today."

The segment is delivered with a mix of sarcasm and mock authority, underlining the absurdity of a radio host unilaterally deciding school closures.

Controversial Topics: Sex Dolls and AI (26:08 - 32:47)

The discussion takes a controversial turn as John and his co-hosts delve into the topic of sex dolls and artificial intelligence. They debate the gendered nature of sex toys and the implications of AI companions:

John Holmberg [26:05]: "You went to a conversation in the 80s. Drive home from dates. Would you ever even wanna invent a woman in a computer?"

Brett and Brady contribute to the conversation, highlighting the objectification of women through AI sex dolls and questioning societal values:

Brady [26:08]: "What are you kids thumbing around her house?"

John continues to mock the concept, intertwining it with his responses to listener complaints:

John Holmberg [27:10]: "Keep you guys kind of busy. Take a little extra time this morning because it is nasty out there... We're closing schools and sex dolls, not listening to broads."

Ongoing Mockery and Listener Interaction (32:47 - 40:16)

As the episode progresses, John maintains his sarcastic and antagonistic tone towards the accusing listeners. He jabs at Roger's claims and further denounces Leah's criticisms:

John Holmberg [33:16]: "You've gone nuts with what you're, what you're believing."

John also references a documentary about Ruby Frankie, using it to juxtapose his own controversial views with broader societal issues:

John Holmberg [35:57]: "She starts off as a family vlogger... and then she meets this other lady, this guru type person, goes off the rails."

The co-hosts contribute to the ongoing mockery, reinforcing the dismissive attitude towards their listeners' grievances:

Brett [38:48]: "Some of these kids are just getting an extra day."

John Holmberg [40:16]: "Let's get a wake-up song. 585-9800 down. School's closed today."

Conclusion: Maintaining the Chaos (40:08 - End)

The episode wraps up with John reinforcing the closure of schools amidst the chaos caused by the rain and his interactions with disgruntled listeners. He maintains his confrontational stance, blending humor with antagonism:

John Holmberg [40:16]: "Pink, Bloomberg's morning sickness. Would you ever... Nothing replaces you."

The show ends on a chaotic note, leaving listeners with a mix of humor, frustration, and unresolved tensions stemming from the vehement interactions with Leah and Roger.

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Notable Quotes:

• John Holmberg [01:12]: "I might as well have had one of those inflatable men outside of a car dealership wiping my window."

• Leah's Email [06:26]: "Women are swearing off men like you because they aren't doing their fair share."

• John Holmberg [16:00]: "This is a bad day. And there's a lot of people like me whose windshield wipers didn't work this morning... So let's just close them up."

• John Holmberg [26:05]: "You went to a conversation in the 80s. Drive home from dates. Would you ever even wanna invent a woman in a computer?"

• Leah's Email [06:26]: "Maybe if you open up your archaic and stupid mind and think about your partner once in a while, then they may want to sleep with you again."

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Key Takeaways:

• Weather Impact: The rare rain in Phoenix has caused significant issues with windshield wipers, leading to dangerous driving conditions and prompting humorous discussions among the hosts.

• Listener Controversy: Accusations from listeners Leah and Roger about misogyny and promoting pedophilia fuel a heated exchange, highlighting the polarized relationship between the show and its audience.

• Satirical Authority: John Holmberg humorously assumes the power to close schools, demonstrating the exaggerated influence of radio hosts over community decisions.

• Controversial Topics: The debate over sex dolls and AI companions serves as a platform for the hosts to express their contentious views, blending humor with social commentary.

• Engagement Style: The show employs a confrontational and mocking tone, creating an edgy and provocative atmosphere aimed at entertaining and disturbing listeners.

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Note: This summary captures the essence of the March 7, 2025 episode of "Holmberg's Morning Sickness" based on the provided transcript. The episode is characterized by its confrontational style, controversial topics, and satirical take on listener interactions.

Transcript

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[John Holmberg]

Still streaming Homberg's Morning Sickness online at 98kupd.com Good morning, everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Friday. It's 5:45 VEX. It's the Morning Sickness. My name's John. There's Brady, there's Brett. Big Dick Toledo's here as well. And you're gonna find out like I did a lot of you. We didn't have rain for over a year now. Substantial rain in the valley. And your windshield wipers probably don't work.

[Brady]

Oh, here we go again.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man, those things. I just fell off the first whip when it. Oh, geez. They just whipped up. Now it looks like cheerleader tassels. I had to take side streets to get here, so I didn't get behind. I was behind a dump truck getting onto the 51, a garbage truck, and it started to just mist up on my window. My. It's just. It's. It's. I might as well have had one of those inflatable men outside of a car dealership wiping my window. It was. Nothing was happening.

[Brett]

So if you can get someone to.

[John Holmberg]

I'll get you. And you and Brad's got a few hours to kill. Get on down there and help out. But you will find out the hard way. So if you have a garage or covered parking or whatever, when you get in there before you pull out to the rain, give yourself a little, you know, Windex squirt there with that button. And if that doesn't get cleaned off, you don't stand a chance.

[Brady]

Stay home.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. If it makes that noise, you're done. Cross your window, you're in it, you're finished, and just stay home. Call it in. Yeah, call it in. You've got sick days. It's March. If you've used them by now, you're dying of something. If you've used up all your sick days already. So, yeah, just Call it. And it's not worth it. I was just laughing the whole time. Thank God for Dr. Jay Schwartz, because if this was a couple years ago and I was. It was already like I was looking through a wet window. Now I got my. At least my eyes are clear so I can see through it. It was. It was a treat. So just kind of do the test before you leave. This morning, I did not. Just learned hard.

[Brett]

There'll be those streaks where it looks like. I think the rubber from the wiper just goes off on the windshield.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, the rubber is. Yeah, that's what happened. Like, the first swipe by, they. The rubber just peeled off of the top and bottom of each one. Luckily, the center part stayed and created a nice little, like, midline. Almost like I'm looking through one of those old Abrams tanks. You get up, like, ducking. Yeah, I got a little hole I can peek through. So I made it. I'm good. But if it keeps raining all day, I got problems on my hands. So. I haven't even had my Jeep for the last two months because they had to replace a whole bunch of stuff. I had the death wobble.

[Brady]

Are you driving Blackie today?

[John Holmberg]

Got. Yeah, I got Blackie back a couple days ago. So I put Blackie in. Back in the rotation. Right. Didn't even think Black. He's been, you know, non operational for two months. So. Last time I drove Blackie was probably end of summer anyway, because Whitey goes into action when the cold weather starts. White, he's got a better heater for some reason. I don't know why Blackie rolls out. His windshield wipers are toast. And then dawned on me. Last time I had the windshield wipers replaced was you two knobs. And that was 2021.

[Brett]

Quality installation.

[John Holmberg]

It was not quality.

[Brady]

Look how long it lasted.

[John Holmberg]

Amazing. Yeah, well, three rainstorms in that period of time. They croaked up. Pretty hilarious, though. And by the way, that was 2021. You guys didn't replace my windshield wipers. I didn't get them replaced again until, like, 2022 didn't even need to.

[Brady]

We listened to that.

[John Holmberg]

You did nothing. It was April of 2021 when we discovered Brady's not taller than the front end of the Jeep. And Brett is the most useless handy car guy you've ever met in your life.

[Brady]

I had a broken wing.

[John Holmberg]

So did I. And. And I still did more than you. Mine wasn't moved. I don't know what Brady's excuse was outside of just m. Curse of God to be the Height. He is not have to. He couldn't reach the windshield. Oh, here we go. I got an angry lady that just had me. An angry lady. Oh, I know this woman.

[Brett]

What got her? What got her?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, she gets mad at everything. She gets mad at everything. All right, I haven't read this yet. Said. Hey, miserable man of the morning show. It just happened upon your foul show this morning. I wanted to enlighten you a bit. I wouldn't normally give this misogynistic crap the time of day. You listen every day and email 10, 12 times a day. I've blocked you. I. This person emails so often, I just click trash can. She's. By the way, thank you. You've won once again our most loyal and dedicated listener award for the secretary. I know who you are. I would normally give this misogynistic crap time of day, but I just wanted to enlighten your brain. Your small brain. She can insult me all day. That's fine. She can't take it though. I'm speaking for most women when I say you pigs can have your AI generated women. Here we go. Instead of blaming women for your miserable lives and relationships, why don't you look in the mirror? Maybe then you'll see you're the problem. Women are swearing off men like you because they aren't doing their fair share. We are looking for partners who see them as their equal and not property. This is man. Are you an advertisement for AI broads? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah with that squeaky voice. Maybe if you open up your archaic and stupid mind and think about your partner once in a while, then they may want to sleep with you again. Nobody ever said anything we're not getting. It's the stuff after. It's the stuff in between the sleeping together. But then again, maybe not because you guys obviously have small, small genitalia. Ooh, do it, Brady Burnt. Sizzle, sizzle. I hope you guys have a blast with your sex dolls along with your four listeners. We have four listeners and we're that high in the ratings. What does ChatGPT have if we're only have four listeners and we're this far in the number one? My.

[Brett]

She can't go away. Lose 25% of our audience.

[John Holmberg]

This broad. Yeah, we can't lose her. She's the most important listener we've got. Leah, I know who you are. Not not I am Steve. Us women are having lots of sex and babies with men who have evolved more brains than you have. We go ahead and have sex and babies. I think that's the whole point of the AI Doll. And by the way, I didn't write the article. I was reading an article by a woman saying, have you noticed that men are inventing sex dolls? We can't get mad about it. We have to start doing better. Why in the world would they not be offended by that? I didn't say a sex doll is appealing for a second, but do you not see that if you're. You're. If they're inventing a new morning show host robot down the hall, and I don't look at it as an insult to me. I'm not doing myself any favors. No, this one says, feeling like the sex doll thing. I'm going to do what I can do. And with the 800 people that I know here in Arizona. And another. We're going to go ahead and push to get John Holmerg's disgusting, sickening morning show off the air. It's garbage. He promotes pedophilia. I do. He talks bad about our president and leader of the country, and therefore, I'm off the radio.

[Brett]

Hmm.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. I've never spoken ill of any other president, ever. Ever. Biden wasn't an idiot. A doddering old fool. I never said that. And your president promotes pedophilia. I'm gonna need some examples.

[Brady]

I don't know why they're calling us misogynistic. I mean, Dale, yesterday was. Tell us all about Julia Roberts movies. I mean, come on. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

By the way.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

As a homosexual, I don't care what you broads think. Go ahead. Of course I'm misogynistic. You've. You've ruined it.

[Brady]

Anyway, here's a. Here's another woman's opinion.

[John Holmberg]

They get mad at that AI thing. Oh, the other side. Huh? Oh, quickly. Wow. That was fast. Ha ha ha. Dumb broad. And I didn't write this, but are you sure this is Brett language here? I love when you tell us to call our man a juror and stay off the road. Yeah, I used to do that a lot when it would rain, but I found it to be too misogynistic. And I. And we used to do rainy day recipes so the ladies would stay home. It says my manager. I staff the road. I'll put on my apron and cook my husband a dinner he deserves. What a bra burning bitch just emailed you. That's from an awesome woman named Melissa Miller. Yep. I. I didn't say I was for or against the doll. I would use the sex doll. But I'm saying if they started to invent. If women started to build man sex dolls, you think we wouldn't. We wouldn't be like, hey, what's going on over there? And that's all that lady's article yesterday was about. She's like, ladies, have you noticed that in Japan, 80 companies are rolling out lifelike sex dolls and they're working real hard to get more and more and more of them. Is there something we're doing wrong? Is there something we can do better? There's nothing wrong with thinking that way. Why is it misogynistic if call the Japanese misogynistic? I'm not building any sex dolls. But then they're the.

[Brett]

We're not trying to rip down, you know, just make your stories better. Have more sex.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, you know, yeah. Shut up and blow me is what I'm saying. I mean, that's not misogynistic, is it? Best part is, God, I wish you'd just shut up, have less opinions and blow me more. Why am I being called a misogynist? This is weird. Yeah, I think it's weird. I'm pretty simple to solve. I'm not a Rubik's Cube. All my colors are the same. White. I'm not like that. Not in a racist way. Excuse me, mister. Yeah, the colors would be white. Yeah, that did sound bad. Maybe she's got a point with that stuff, but yeah. All I'm saying is you twist twice and you've got me.

[Brady]

The best part about the AI doll is it's not going to write an annoying bitch letter like that. So, you know, I mean.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Brad, you're selling me on this. Yeah.

[Brett]

You're pushing it closer.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, I don't want to sound like I'm judging her, but this dirty lesbian is constantly emailing me about what she thinks, this and that and the other. Anyway, it's like you're being. I'm going to make you happy. You listen to me. Things that seem fun to you, aren't. You stop saying that. They're fun, you jerk. Or you hate all women? No, I just hate women like you.

[Brett]

We good? Let's go have some fun.

[John Holmberg]

Let's go to dinner tonight. You buy it? You don't do anything around here. What I want, Ladonna, I just wanna. You're buying dinner for me. What'd she say in the front of that? That's the piss. This is where AI Sex does all. Every man that heard that line rolled their eyes when it said women are swearing off men like you because they aren't doing their fair share. And every. Every guy who's headed to work right now just went, oh, because majority of us are still paying full pull. And again, I go back to the idea that in a divorce, man loses half, woman gets half. Semantics. But put it. Put it in your brain. This one says, what a dumb broad. The shop I work at, there's at least four people playing the station, so we must be the only ones listening. Thanks, Chad. You guys keep those four alive. That makes five with this Lee lady that emails all the time.

[Brady]

Tell that whale Leah, don't be mad. No one wants to plug you, Shamu.

[John Holmberg]

Well, there is one guy, Captain Ahab, and he wants to kill her anyway. I mean, call me misogynistic, but ladies like you need to shut up and stay in their place. I don't know why that seems misogynistic. If you can write me a letter saying I'm an asshole and I'm wrong, I can tell you. Zip it, sister. Nobody wants to hear from your 70% of a dollar's ass winner. And to the other guy who doesn't like that I've made fun of Trump. Get over it.

[Brady]

I was a drunkie. Or is that a different one?

[John Holmberg]

You know, that could be the drunkie. He might email back. He might have found the bottle again. His name's Roger. He knows 800 people in Arizona and another 1500. And they're going to push to get me off the air because it's disgusting. Morning shots, garbage. Promotes pedophilia. That one I need help with. I am not. I am. I'm against it, like, a lot.

[Brett]

I think pretty outspoken about that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I've been pretty strong about, like, killing them all. Killing pedophiles. Holmberg's morning sickness. Now, maybe he doesn't like that. I said Madison Beer was pretty, but she's in her 20s. That's allowed. I don't remember ever saying promotion of pedophilia. I actually hate the Catholic Church so much because of pedophilia that I've gone toe to toe with the diocese. I don't think anybody else has even tried that. Hmm. Because that's what I think the church represents. I understand. If you're a big member of the Catholic Church and you're like, that guy talks bad about us. But I'm like, eh, really hard to argue my point. Isn't it thousands of years of that of you guys being for pedophilia? You're going to be mad at people who promote pedophilia. There's the one, not me.

[Brett]

It went down on your watch, huh? A lot of pedophilia in the Catholic Church.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. I mean, if by watch you mean the last 1300 years. Yeah. Yeah. It's a big, long walk. Clock. Anyway. I'm gonna need help with that one, Roger. He promotes pedophilia and talks bad about our president as leader of our country, therefore, run. I'm off the radio, huh?

[Brady]

We've talked about every president.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I don't think I've made it kind of clear that both sides suck. If you can't find bad in a politician, I think you're just basically a slave.

[Brett]

I'd question that person as a politician. Then.

[John Holmberg]

Why you, Roger? I'll say what I normally say in these situations about your letter. Typical broad misogyny. Hey, let's go to. This is fun. This will make some people happy. I like that. I would like to enact the powers in me as a morning show host, and only I have this power. I don't think any other job has this power, and we very rarely use it here in Phoenix. But I'd like to enact my power of school closing. This is the best thing that ever happens to kids is that the radio guy says, if I name your school, you don't have to go today. That's how I grew up. That's like when I was a little kid, snow day. Until I was in third grade. And then when I moved to Albuquerque and we were fourth and fifth grade, Albuquerque even has. If somebody lets off a fire extinguisher and it looks like there was snow, they started to close schools. This is a bad day. And there's a lot of people like me whose windshield wipers didn't work this morning. So the roads are dangerous and they're slick because it hasn't rained in a long time. So there's a lot of that gooey oil and weird stuff that gets on our roads that already they were talking on. The traffic reports. A car spinning out like it's slippery. So let's just close them up. Here's a list of schools. If you hear your school, it's closed for snow day. As I enact the radio disc jockey snow day closure powers that we all have, but here in Phoenix, we very rarely use. I'd like to break mine open right now. It is an emergency. Listen up, kids. Closer and closer bases in Phoenix and North 22nd street, closed. Fireside elementary School on Cactus Drive, closed. Even if you're teachers, you're all. You don't have to Go either. Sonoran Foothills. North Foothills. Closed. Basis. Phoenix Primary on 32nd Street. We're closing you up today. Kyrene De La Sierra School. Oh, that's on Liberty Lane. I know that. Closed. Kyrene Monte Vista. You're also not gonna have to go to school for snow day today. Vista Del Sur Traditional School. South Mountain. Closed. Stetson Hills and Phoenix is closed. Gavilan Peak Elementary. You kids go back to sleep. It's all over. You don't have a day today. Nice work. Abraham Lincoln Traditional School. I just want to see that. If it's a log cabin. Yeah, that's on 39th Avenue. Oh, nope. I don't want to see that. It's on 39th Avenue. It's the last thing I want to see. Anthem School. And then let's go. We'll go down to. Let's go to page three. Sonoran Science Academy. You're done. That's a McDowell Arizona Autism Charter School. Yeah, we don't. You drive it. Ironwood elementary School. Jack L. Cuban. Closed. Yeah. I never heard of half of these.

[Brady]

Sounds like a cigar.

[John Holmberg]

Madison Heights. Madison Meadows. Whispering Wind Academy. Reyes Maria Ruiz Leadership Academy. Closed. Yeah. All of them gone. Desert Cove Elementary School. I'm closing. You gonna keep Passo Point School open today? You guys are going. 55th Avenue. You need all the education you can get and keep you guys moving. No knives, though. Madison Rose Lane. That's on Roselane. And Phoenix. That's. That's a good one. I know that one. Biltmore Preparatory Academy. You kids probably get special rides. You're good.

[Brett]

The limos are okay.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the limos can ride today. West Wind Elementary School over there in Campbell. You're. You're closed. Cactus View elementary on Central. You're closed. Cesar Chavez. Anything named Cesar Chavez, Today's closed. Close it up. Close it up.

[Brady]

Matter of fact, for the next week, too.

[John Holmberg]

We don't need the students. That Cesar E. Chavez. Wet and angry. That's just going to lead to trouble.

[Brett]

Some of these kids are just getting an extra day. This is the last day before spring break.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's even better. Oh, geez. I didn't think of that. Close them up. Get an extra day. By another email says damn near every sex toy in the world is catered to women. And this bitch is complaining about the one cool thing that guys are inventing to replace them. What a surprise. I didn't even thought of that. Every sex toy invented is to cater to women. We're building sex robots. And the one lady said, hey, this Might replace. Like, these are pretty good. And suddenly their insecurities come screaming up to the front, like, oh, God, build your stupid sex dolls. We want a real man who loves to hear us complain about the weather, whether it's cold or hot and it's 80 degrees for everybody. A real man who can listen to how much we hate everyone at work. We want someone like that. You just want a sex slave. Go ahead. Did you just hear yourself? Is that all you want is a sex slave that does your bidding? Fine. I'm a real woman. Okay, Pinocchio, that's enough. I'm gonna take. I'm gonna take the doll to bed now, cuz. Are you done? I want to watch Bridgerton. If you don't watch with me, I'm gonna get mad. The doll doesn't want to watch any Netflix. Sun Valley Charter School. I'm closing you too. I just saw you on the list. Get. You. Get your. All done. So if you got kids or grandkids or whatever, gather them. You're a teacher. Get rid of all of them. We're closing up shop. That's a. It's going to happen today. And I. I love closing schools. Remember how awesome that was?

[Brett]

Oh, yeah. Or how the. There's a few times where they go down all the schools and we weren't on the list.

[John Holmberg]

Not on the list. And it's like, maybe we missed it.

[Brett]

Our snow plowing is too good.

[John Holmberg]

And it was. Yeah, the plow guy got out early. That son of a bitch. I hate when a retired guy gets, you know, a little uppity and starts driving his plow.

[Brett]

You bum out before the snow season when you see a giant mound of salt.

[John Holmberg]

They're ready. They're ready.

[Brett]

This year.

[John Holmberg]

Stupid weatherman was right. And they prepped up. God damn it. There was nothing better growing up. Waking up, seeing snow in the window and looking. Looking at my sister. Back when we got along, way back when I was like five, six years old. Like, let's turn the radio on. Let's get to this. And we would.

[Brett]

That's the only time equal to Christmas morning. Waking up the best.

[John Holmberg]

And I. All I wanted to hear was Lake Prairie Elementary School. That was all I. Such positive memories. I was five years old. I remember, like, feeling wide awake. Come on, you jackass morning show host. Come on. Say the words I need to hear. LOL elementary. Oh, no. Oak Creek. No, no, no, the next one. Lake Prairie all kill. How many elementary schools are in this dumb little town? See the Lake Elementary. We're not even in the same town anymore. Lake Prairie. Yes.

[Brett]

Barrington elementary.

[John Holmberg]

And you know who's never happy about it? Mom. She was secretly sitting by the radio going, don't you say it, you dumb mother effer. I will dry. Nowhere. This dumb radio. We were in Lowell, Indiana. We. The only time we didn't listen to Chicago radio was to find out if our schools were closed. We listened to Larry Lujak all morning. My dad would get ready for work. What are you listening to? Lowell's morning hits. Oh, that idiot. I saw him at the gas station the other day. That guy's weird. He's got one arm. He's just rattling off schools. And then by the time they get. And then the worst part was, if you didn't hear your school's name, you had to run to the TV and watch for the scroll at the bottom. They would, like, pop them up.

[Brady]

Like during Bozo.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep. During the kids shows. Oh, Lake Prairie Element. Oh.

[Brett]

When I was in sixth grade, hit with a blizzard, school was closed one day. Then they come back. Guess what? We're having school. You're going to your teacher's house.

[John Holmberg]

No, I'm not. That's weird. That promotes pedophilia. And I would have been part of that. You know me not going to some weirdo's house that breaches. That takes down the fourth wall. I never needed to be in a teacher's house.

[Brett]

That's Connie Trapp had a nice house.

[John Holmberg]

I'm sure she did. She was probably married to a guy making a lot of money.

[Brett]

Tori discovered the joy of Sex book.

[John Holmberg]

Oops. Yeah, there's the reason. And you. What are you kids thumbing around her house?

[Brett]

It didn't take much. It's on the main.

[John Holmberg]

Kept it right there. Yeah, she might have been full teaching you guys. And they broke out the manual the night before. And he pumped it.

[Brett]

And Zeppelin, Stairway to Heaven album.

[John Holmberg]

You know, all the weed and the roaches. Probably.

[Brett]

It was the only thing we didn't discover.

[John Holmberg]

Do kids want a cream pie? I got one last night. Welcome to my home. I'm still high as a kite.

[Brady]

That's weird.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. When did you move here? How old were you?

[Brady]

Seven or eight or so.

[John Holmberg]

So you got. You got snow days, too. Oh, it's the best feeling in the world. Days like this. You see these Closet Phoenix kids should get the rainy days off. It's just. It's a rite of passage. It's just such a beautiful thing. Closing schools is the best. Closing schools and sex dolls, not listening to broads and. Oh, Just depressed or Guy's name Roger Knobs. Is there another one? I like when the printer just gets hot. A misogynistic better be massaging his dick. I don't think that's nice, Andrew. I don't think he's standing up for us. Yeah, thank you, Andrew. Yeah, Your wordplay is unmatched, Andrew B. Good work, kid. Misogyny. You can't see anything. All I was saying is step it up. Like Brady said, tell better stories, be better people. We won't build sex dolls and we have to deal with this all the time as men. You know, you guys have a drawer packed full of like, you know, electronics to buzz away and rub and we're like, that's great, good on you. I hope it feels good. I hope you enjoy that we do it. And suddenly it's like, oh, you know, pig, jerk, pig. All you think about anyone is a sex life. You got a sex slave in your drawer. And then if you read the comments, because I went back to that yesterday and I went to a Reddit article that was attached to that. Ladies talk about sex dolls and what you know is happening. And all my. Maybe we as women will build sex dolls. And every guy's like, good luck, we'll need men for that. And started laughing. Well, maybe we just need a good hard 8 inches. You don't have. Alright, fine. The doll will never complain about size either. That's another thing that you got to worry about. You go ahead and get that 8 inches in your canyon. Oh my God, you're such a dick. Like you're the one throwing out all the insults. I'm just telling you, you're making it really more viable to want this sex doll. I wouldn't, I've said it for years. I wouldn't want the sex doll just because if it's not self cleaning, dragging it out into the backyard and hosing her down is just awful. Just you got to think of the after of getting in there and hosing. Like I just, I didn't even like washing the community cups. Here we have for tea and coffee and I see that and I look and there's a dishwasher and stuff, but I don't trust that. Now imagine a sex doll going in there and you do a decent job at first, but after a while you kind of cut corners and they'll develop a separate machine, a self cleaning unit. They can do that. Your dishwasher has it, just run a cycle through her. There's a little portal by her foot. Put the hose in Turn the water on. She self cleans. Put a little like tide pod in her mouth or something.

[Brady]

Put some jet dry in there. Make sure you get no water spots.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly right. You don't want her all spotty anyway. It's raining is what we're saying. And maybe we will go back to that. Call your manager today, ladies. And stay off the roads. Let's leave the roads free for people with important jobs. Men. And then we'll get you guys. We'll get you guys a nice treat this weekend. Like a ring or an earrings or something as we look into the mirror and see what's wrong with us. It's not us. The Japanese. You guys are the ones laughing at weird science. You guys are so stupid. Home. Bloomberg's morning sickness. Would you ever. I guarantee you that was a conversation in the 80s. Drive home from dates. Would you ever even wanna invent a woman in a computer? That was just. Is that something you would do to replace me? Of course not, baby. Nothing replaces you. And deep down he's like, man, if I can make that computer spit out of Kelly LeBrock, I'd do it tomorrow.

[Brett]

And it set her free.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Sent her out into the wild.

[Brady]

Yeah, but you know, at the end of the day, she got a little mouthy though too.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, she did a vault.

[Brady]

Yeah, she started trying to solve problems.

[John Holmberg]

Eddie Murphy said, you got to go to Africa and get yourself a girl and then don't bring her back to the States, Eddie. Half same thing dudes have been talking about for 50 years. Anyway, sorry, I think I'm a misogynist, Leah. But thanks for listening all five hours every morning.

[Brady]

Of course. So you guys have a dishwasher at work? What's her name?

[John Holmberg]

There's still funny jokes. Donovan, you jackass. Yeah. Let's get a wake up song, shall we? A good one. Keep you guys kind of busy. Take a little extra time this morning because it is nasty out there. I don't want anybody running anyone over. We only have four listeners according to Leah, not including her. We got to keep all four of those people safe. Got bubble wrap, those four. Because that means if you look at it and we're getting like fifth, let's say 15 shares. That 12 to 15% of the audience. It's four. That's an awful lot of the collective.

[Brett]

Powerful and so powerful.

[John Holmberg]

Four people. I mean, there's like 40 stations in this city and we're number one with four. I can't imagine, like, what is Katie west, even though it's just ants and crickets that's the only thing they've got. Man, oh, man. Four listeners that crazy has scared me. Wait until they get the sex dolls upgraded to where she can give you scores and stats. Oh, my God. I hadn't even thought of that. Catered to your teams while she gives you a mouth hug, your pump rate, your image. Oh, she can give you. Yeah, that's even better. She can stat you up with analytics, pump rate, launch angle. Oh, my God, the times, like, she'll do. Keep me like, I have that tonal at my house. And part of the fun is like, comparing your workouts and seeing where you are. It gives you a strength score, your hardness. She could do all sorts of that. Like, oh, today you were a six on the scale. Yeah, Leah, you're crazy. And Roger's got 800 friends in the. In the city. And all 800 of them are going to have Roger call him. Go. I got an idea. As a guy who talks bad about the president every once in one, I'd like him removed from society and the 800 people will be like, hurrah. Yes, I've been waiting for this call. Roger.

[Brett]

That's 1500.

[John Holmberg]

That's 1500 exactly. I knew everyone would be involved. It's just too good. Well, not one naysayer. They're all coming with me. Hey, Roger, why don't you take all 1500 people and just stand in our parking lot and block me from leaving? That makes good news. And I'll get more attention for your nonsense. And I'll be on there even longer winning. It's good to see you don't have a job you like enough, Roger, to go to it and just ignore this kind of stuff.

[Brett]

Good day, sir.

[John Holmberg]

Hi, it's Roger. Yeah. No, no, no. It's different this time. I'm complaining about something else. What are you up to? Breakfast. I hate breakfast. Breakfast is overrated anyway. What do you think of trump? Better be 10 out of 10 or else. I heard a man disparage the President of the United States and his actions the other day. I'd like him. I'd like his mouth silenced. I'm for freedom preservation. For 1500, I'm for freedom unless it goes against everything. I think I am of the party that wants everyone to say and do whatever they want unless it differs from what I think both of them are doing. That Democrats trying to make everybody shock. Shut up. If you don't listen to go their way, then Rogers of the world or other. I didn't like you disparage that president of us. How dare you. There's a good line, though. Wasn't all that well written, but it was a good line. He promotes pedophilia. That's the only thing you really need to be upset about. Like there. There doesn't need to be a 1A. If you think I promote pedophilia, run with that. Don't go after the bill. And he also talks bad about the president. That is so minor compared to the promotion of pedophilia.

[Brett]

Sign off every day. And remember, go get a young one.

[John Holmberg]

If you don't a kid today, it's another wasted day. Hi there. There you go. Hey, bus stops. How you doing? Yes, but if you honestly believe that guy promotes pedophilia, people be like, oh, my God. And then. And also talks bad about the president. Well, that's not even a little bit important. What was the first thing? Pedophilia and presidential degrader. It degradates our president. Well, that's pretty bad. But, you know, he's allowed to say stuff, you know, and he also promotes pedophilia. There's the headline. There's what you lead with, Roger. Let me help you with your complaint, Roger. Kill the whole president thing and run with me promoting pedophilia. You really want those 800 people to get on board? That's what you do, Roger Leandro. I know that guy. Likes to bang children, that's for sure. Also not a big fan of the president. So one one A. We got him on two counts of trouble. Yeah, kill the whole president thing, Roger, and find the pedophilia angle and run with it. You'll get. You get more traction with that one with your friends than you would ever occasionally. Me saying that Trump's kind of a moron. Can't believe he's saying those things. Think about the kid effing as well. That's. Both are equally awful.

[Brett]

Can you believe this guy?

[John Holmberg]

There's that pedophilia talk again. I bet she's. He's just a few seconds away from not liking the president's tariffs. He drives a white van, and if not, he's probably got a dealership of him somewhere out there. Probably white vans pick up kids to have sex with and then a bumper sticker on the back that says F Trump. I can't believe this guy's still part of our Satan. I'm Roger Leandro. Crazy some bitch if he talks about.

[Brett]

Natalie Grace one more time.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man. I watched the documentary this week about a lady named Ruby. Frankie, have you seen this? Go on Hulu and watch this nonsense. Holy smokes. She starts off as a family vlogger. Super duper Mormon. One of those Mormon families where you look at every kid and you're like, this is a ridiculous family. Like you Mormons have got something figured out, which is finding good looking partners and making good looking families. Your belief system might be bananas, but you guys sure put together a nice neighborhood and a really good looking group most of the time. Lawns are mannequin, everything's showy, everything is, everything looks to be normal. Cause deep down you all know you've gone nuts with what you're, what you're believing. But that's, you know, that's just the pedophile trump hater in me Brady's neighborhood. Yeah. Isn't it amazing though? I got that email last year from that guy who called me a Juno's Biden loving cuck, liberal, liberal piece of ass. And then, you know, that that makes me happy. That just proves I'm sort of true to myself. And being in the middle, nobody can tell. Nobody knows either way. Watch the Ruby Frankie thing because it starts off she had like millions and millions of views and doing her family videos and all this stuff and the family was great and happy. And then she meets this other lady, this like guru type person, goes off the rails and like her husband. Turns out it's insane. If you haven't followed the Ruby Frankie like story just happened a couple years ago. You won't believe what you're seeing. It's remarkably crazy and great entertainment just. But also the saddest thing you've ever seen because like her kids end up in dungeons and like I don't know how a person goes from. And she's beloved. She was making millions of dollars. I'd never heard of her before because I don't like mom vlogs. Not into it. What As a pedophile and a promoter there and you'd think I'd love a show had eight Mormon blonde kids running around, but I didn't follow it. I was busy watching sports. But anyway, so she's got that going. And everybody loved Ruby Frankie's show and her husband was. Everybody thought it was great. All the comments were like, you're so much fun. I mean, and then somewhere in the middle she goes off the rails and all the comments turn into, oh my God, this crazy bitch is running a cult. And it gets, you can't predict the directions it goes. It gets nuts up there in St. George, Utah.

[Brett]

Six Kids.

[John Holmberg]

Six Kids is already bad enough but, yeah, when you watch this thing. But two of them are in the documentary. The other four are all blurred out because they're young and they were underage, I think. I don't even think they're 18 yet. You gotta see this thing. And it's three episodes. It's easy to watch. But the Ruby Franke story is. It's got a lot of holy moments. And not one time, Brett, did I look and go, why isn't she just selling the young kids to pedophiles like I always talk about? Promotes pedophilia and bad things about the president. That dude lost his way. You're off the rails, Roger. Off the. You're so tribally Trump, you've lost your own identity. You're crazy. Take a step back and just say, look, accuse me of pedophilia. Go down that road, I'm pretty comfortable. I'm going to get off this charge. The Trump thing didn't even need to be mentioned yet. Watch the Ruby, Frankie. That's a four out of five I'd give that. And that's just because it takes three hours to get through it. Outside of that, you watch this lady's eyes change from, like, pretty happy mom to. So her daughter, her oldest daughter, who was part of it, gets shunned from the fam. Like, she thinks demons live inside her kids. After a little while, she's like. And that's all she sees. Anytime they do anything, she just thinks all they want to do. Like, the way Roger is kind of like he's brainwashed and nuts. All she's like, they're just lusting after stuff. They're lying. They're. Everything they say is a lie. They have to be punished. She would make them stand in the sun, and if they ever left their circle, she'd poke them in the back with a cactus. It gets real weird. Yeah. And that's like, the little stuff that was the basics. Oh, it's crazy. He wasn't feeding them. Decided, nope, they don't. I'm never. I'm never gonna feed a demon. And then the dumbest thing ever is when the cops finally kind of pick up on what's going on. They go back to the house after a while, and they're like, we gotta get some evidence of what was going on here. And they find a notebook. And every day, she journaled everything she did to those kids. Like, right down to, like, detail after detail. If here's what I was doing with them today, and I'm. This demon was inside, so kind of.

[Brett]

Like what Warren Jeffs did when they.

[John Holmberg]

Found the they found all the notes. Yeah it's Mormon thing I guess to but she was and then just bananas. You gotta watch. It's a great documentary. Really good. Sheely Farms elementary. I'm closing you Emmanuel Pena Jr. I'm gonna give you guys a close. 79th Avenue even that's good stuff. Kings Ridge school closed anything west of the blade right? Yeah. I don't even know if they have schools do they? Those Most of the people who go to those schools have work in the morning. They have to go to their jobs and then try to finish up elementary school afterwards.

[Brady]

Construction sites are closed.

[Brett]

I think they do a half day.

[John Holmberg]

Brett makes a good point. Not going to close anything up by the blade because the home depot parking lots and the construction things are closed today so those guys can go back and try to earn their their education. Ooh. Glenel Downs school. What's the downs mascot?

[Brady]

The owls.

[Brett]

Something really jelly beans.

[John Holmberg]

Downs jelly beans. Yep. I go to Downs. Oh but you look so. No, no, I don't have it. I just. Anyway, here comes baggy. Yeah. Let's get that wake up song. Five eight, five nine. It's just a grocery. The downs baggers. That's what the name they're just have grocery sacks as their mask. They weren't thinking the day they gave to Glenn Downs. You've been a pillar in the community and we're going to name a school after and even Glenn Downs are like you shouldn't do this. Just name it Glenn School of Glenn. Nope. Downs. And now we just need to ask the community if they'll help us figure out what the mascot of Downs elementary is going to oh don't do that. Please don't do that. Please, please, please. I don't know what that means but evidently downs baggers ran away with it. Hands Downs. I see what I did.

[Brett]

I make me thinking in outside of Columbus there's a racetrack they called it the Sciota Downs. Right like oh, they're racing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. They race them. Gentlemen talk to engines. Nope. Give me the microphone. That's not what we say. Let's get a wake up song. 585-9800 down. School's closed today. You give it to us good and strong. We'll scream it together. It's 98 KUPD. Wake up. Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect. 98.