03-19-25 - BR - WED - Fla Man Assaults GF He'd Been Travelling Together With - Bulgarian Soccer Team Honors Former Player Who Wasn't Dead - Sargento Develops American Cheese That Is Real Cheese

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode Summary: March 19, 2025

Host/Authors: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo, and Troy Hayden
Release Date: March 19, 2025
Platform: 98 KUPD | Hubbard Radio

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Overview

In this engaging episode of "Holmberg's Morning Sickness" on Arizona's #1 Morning Radio Show, host John Holmberg, along with his co-hosts Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo, and Troy Hayden, delve into a myriad of captivating stories. From a harrowing assault case involving a Florida man to heartwarming moments in Bulgarian soccer, and groundbreaking developments in the food industry, the team covers it all with their trademark blend of humor, insight, and lively discussion.

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1. Florida Man Assaults Girlfriend During Travel

Timestamp: [07:14 - 09:00]

The episode opens with a distressing report about a Florida man, Daniel Morello, who was arrested for assaulting his girlfriend. The couple had been traveling together, but their journey took a dark turn when their car broke down, leading to financial strain and escalating tensions.

• Troy Hayden [07:14]: "Daniel Morello was arrested after he punched a 24-year-old woman in the head. They were traveling together, but their car broke down, and they ran out of money."

• John Holmberg [08:24]: "He lost his temper and punched her in the head. It's a tragic outcome of prolonged travel stress."

The hosts discuss the psychological strains of extended travel, noting how being confined in a vehicle can exacerbate underlying tensions. They reflect on the broader implications of such incidents, emphasizing the importance of mental health and conflict resolution in close quarters.

• John Holmberg [09:00]: "If you go tooling around the country in a car for weeks, someone's going to lose it. It's inevitable if you're not careful."

2. Bulgarian Soccer Team Honors Former Player Who Wasn't Dead

Timestamp: [10:35 - 12:00]

Switching gears, the hosts highlight a unique and heartwarming story from the Bulgarian soccer community. A Bulgarian soccer team recently held a tribute to their former player, Petko Ganzhev, who was mistakenly believed to have passed away.

• Troy Hayden [10:35]: "The Bulgarian soccer team did a moment of silence for Petko Ganzhev, thinking he wasn't dead."

• John Holmberg [11:15]: "Petko Ganzhev wasn't actually dead. It turns out he was alive but out of town for work-related reasons."

The conversation underscores the power of community and sportsmanship, as the team came together to honor their legend, only to discover he was alive. The hosts commend the team's spirit and the joy of reunions that can arise from misunderstandings.

3. Sargento Develops Real American Cheese

Timestamp: [15:44 - 19:08]

Perhaps one of the most intriguing segments revolves around Sargento's innovative leap in the dairy industry. The company has unveiled a new type of American cheese that genuinely qualifies as real cheese, moving away from the traditionally processed varieties.

• Troy Hayden [15:44]: "Sargento just released a new American cheese that is actually real cheese. It’s natural American cheese with only five ingredients."

• John Holmberg [16:15]: "Don't give us a recipe. It's just cheese. It’s fake cheese that tastes real, and they're now saying it might be real cheese."

The hosts engage in a lively debate about the merits of this new product compared to conventional options like Velveeta. They discuss the implications for consumers who prefer natural ingredients and the potential shift in the cheese market.

• Rafi [17:00]: "The other day I saw it on the shelf. Real American cheese. I had to get a pack."

• John Holmberg [18:24]: "It melts differently, but it's still a good grilled cheese in the end."

This segment highlights the evolving landscape of food products, where companies like Sargento are responding to consumer demands for authenticity and quality.

4. Additional Highlights and Discussions

Timestamp: [12:00 - 15:00]

Beyond the main stories, the show touches on a variety of lighter topics and fun facts:

• Historical Tidbits:

  • The oldest living child of a president, Linda Byrd Johnson Robb, celebrated her 81st birthday.
  • The world's smallest international bridge connects El Marco, Spain, to Verzia Grande, Portugal, spanning just 19 feet.

• Tech Trivia:

  • Google was originally named "Backrub" before rebranding a year later.
  • A humorous exchange ensues about questionable ad content related to popular websites.

5. Engaging Audience with Humor and Personal Stories

The hosts intersperse their discussions with personal anecdotes and humorous takes on various topics, such as:

• Backyard Games:
  Troy Hayden shares a ranking of the top ten backyard games, sparking a discussion on favorite outdoor activities and their nostalgic memories.

• Cultural Observations:
  The conversation veers into global observations, including the environmental challenges seen in India's rivers and humorous takes on local Arizona landmarks like Slide Rock.

• Violent Incidents Commentary:
  The hosts describe a graphic security incident at a bank (or similar establishment), providing a vivid account of the chaos and continuing to discuss the nature of such violent events with a mix of seriousness and dark humor.

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Conclusion

This episode of "Holmberg's Morning Sickness" masterfully balances serious news with lighthearted banter, offering listeners a comprehensive and entertaining roundup of current events and intriguing stories. From unsettling crime reports to uplifting sports tributes and innovative food products, the hosts provide insightful commentary and engaging dialogue that keeps the audience informed and entertained.

Notable Quotes:

• John Holmberg [09:00]: "If you go tooling around the country in a car for weeks, someone's going to lose it."

• Troy Hayden [15:44]: "Sargento just released a new American cheese that is actually real cheese."

• Rafi [17:00]: "Real American cheese. I had to get a pack."

• John Holmberg [18:24]: "It melts differently, but it's still a good grilled cheese in the end."

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Tune In Next Week

Don't miss the next episode of "Holmberg's Morning Sickness" on 98 KUPD, where John Holmberg and his team continue to entertain, question, and engage listeners with more intriguing stories and lively discussions from 5:30 AM to 10:00 AM on weekdays.

Transcript

[Dick Toledo]

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[Brady]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by mmpguns.com your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[John Holmberg]

You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself.

[Brady]

He's evil sitting right here.

[John Holmberg]

Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. Our buddy Troy Hayden's out there gonna watch that guy get executed this morning. He just texts me. He goes, I wish I had more time with you. He said, want to call back tomorrow and I give you an update on how. Yes, please. Like the. I like the actual professionalism of a real newsman. No offense, Brady, who's out there doing his job.

[Troy Hayden]

None taken.

[John Holmberg]

No. Yeah, there's no need to actually, let's not comp these things. That's like me just standing next to Alexander Usyk, the heavyweight champion of the world and going, I'm bald too. We're the same. He's pretty great. Just because I'm wearing boxing gloves doesn't mean I'm good at it. Yeah. So Troy's gonna call us back tomorrow after today's thing, see what goes on. Because it is the first time we've done it in a while and he was at that one that lasted hours. Oh, yuck. So weird. It's time now for Brady to give you all the news he knows. It's called the Brady Report as he sees it. And it's brought to you by our friends at All Pro Shade Concepts, Arizona's best patio shades, they're 20 years in the valley now. They helped Brady get his house all shady. The awning that you have created 20 plus feet out of your house. It says here on this. That's pretty awesome. The roll down shade blocks out the sun and the neighbors. If you've got one of those houses where your neighbors are sitting right on top here or Something else.

[Troy Hayden]

I put my one on the one laser. Can't see if I'm watching tv.

[John Holmberg]

Genius. I'm sure he's just dying to poke his head over and see what you're up to. Gotta lock yourself up. You are definitely in the aquarium, Brady.

[Brady]

I'll say. Aquarium.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. Oh yeah, the roll down shade does that for all that stuff. TV neighbors just shady. Makes it nice back there. And that's what we need here in Arizona. So it's gonna get hot starting next week. We're in the mid-90s again, so that means you're gonna want your outdoor area to not cook. Plus, you know what? Another thing it does, which is great. I'm sure you're feeling this. If you've got pavers or decking. Keeps that cool. So you can actually walk out of the pool with your feet, you know, not getting torched.

[Troy Hayden]

When we first had it in. You put it out and it. Yeah, you just walk out there. It's like, oh, wow, what a really. I don't have to stand out there.

[John Holmberg]

Smoke my feet before I get in the pool. So get on that thing right now. All you have to do is go toAllPro shade.com and get that shade started at your house before summer gets here. Brady reported.

[Troy Hayden]

Good Wednesday morning to you, Phoenix.

[John Holmberg]

Hello world. Hi.

[Troy Hayden]

Happy National Backyard Day. There you go with that. They're ranking the 10 best backyard games.

[John Holmberg]

Games for the.

[Troy Hayden]

Yeah. Number 10 basketball croquet.

[John Holmberg]

But you're saying yard like those little charts.

[Troy Hayden]

Number nine, lawn darts.

[John Holmberg]

Charts go with the big ones.

[Troy Hayden]

Number ten or number eight was ladder toss. Seven. Badminton. Six. Horseshoes.

[John Holmberg]

Horseshoe.

[Troy Hayden]

Five. Kickball.

[Brady]

Got a big backyard for that.

[John Holmberg]

Four.

[Troy Hayden]

Yeah. For the next one too. Two hand touch flag or flag football. Wiffle ball number four.

[John Holmberg]

I'm working on that. I'm back on that idea of putting a wiffle ball field in my backyard and starting a league.

[Troy Hayden]

Bocce ball.

[Brady]

Yeah, there you go.

[John Holmberg]

I was watching that number two, number one, cornhole professional wiffle ball this weekend on espn. It's a real thing. Awa. And. And it started in the commissioner that was. That was batting at one point. Started in his yard. His brother was on the other team and I'm like, this is still just backyard nonsense. These just got these. These dudes just got enough neighbors involved. They started this league and now it's on TV sometimes and it was fun. Started looking at that. I'm like, that's not such a tough thing to do. Just need some turf.

[Troy Hayden]

Couple of basis fun facts. The Oldest living child of a president is Linda Byrd Johnson Robb.

[John Holmberg]

She's still alive.

[Troy Hayden]

81 years old today. Happy birthday, Linda Bird. The world's smallest international bridge is only 19ft long. It's an old rustic bridge connecting the Spanish village of El Marco to the Portuguese village of Verzia Grande.

[John Holmberg]

Through all those things all jammed together.

[Troy Hayden]

We might have done this one before, but Google was originally called backrub. They came up with the idea in 1996. Founders changed the name to Google about a year later.

[Brady]

Rub and tug was already taken.

[John Holmberg]

Right. And now it's the. The subsidiary of jerkmate. It. It finally got its chatterbait. You ever consider doing that, Brad? One of those ads that pops up before the video?

[Brady]

No. Well, I don't know that. The thumb was kind of like, she looks pretty good.

[John Holmberg]

There's one who's like, masturbate with a naked person right now, live. And I'm like, that's not a bad idea. But I don't know.

[Brady]

I mean, maybe right before I turn my phone in to get a new one.

[John Holmberg]

Why?

[Brady]

Because then when it gets all the spyware and everything on it, I'm getting a new phone.

[John Holmberg]

So. But you just cloud it in.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know who does that. I laugh at it sometimes. So, you know, poking around there. Around there the other day, and I'm laughing and I'm like, there's an awful lot of money in this. Like, tired of masturbating alone? That, like, they yell at you the second you click. Oh, yeah, tired of masturbating alone. Find hot naked people that want to do it too. I'm like, come on, five seconds.

[Brady]

Come on, five seconds.

[John Holmberg]

If I could find hot naked people, I wouldn't be jerking off right now. It's the middle of the day, for crying out loud. Nobody's here.

[Troy Hayden]

The state and capital city with the fewest total letters combined is Boise, Idaho. 10 total letters.

[John Holmberg]

Fascinating. Wow. Everybody take a break. Pull over. Pull over right now.

[Troy Hayden]

Write that one down.

[John Holmberg]

Use that in conversation later with the person you hate at work.

[Brady]

Get laid with that line at the bar.

[John Holmberg]

Tired of masturbating alone. Don't tell that story along those lines.

[Dick Toledo]

There was a text that said, john, I. You need to apologize to the masses before the massive gasp of air that. I thought I blew my tires out. It was just Everybody on the 202 sighing when Brady let out his jokes.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, exactly. Tire pressure didn't. Come on. What happened?

[Troy Hayden]

This dude from Brooklyn, Thomas John Shraga, he was sentenced to 45 months in prison for wire fraud, pleading guilty to swindling at least 17 victims in a real estate crypto scam. He was running a couple of companies that would renovate flip homes. And then he, which never actually happened, had to pay back a total of a little over 1.3 million. And he's got 45 months in prison for this. One of the companies was called Build Strong Homes llc. And the other one, Vandelay Contracting Corps.

[John Holmberg]

From Seinfeld.

[Troy Hayden]

Yep.

[Brady]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

That'S a thing.

[Troy Hayden]

Got another dude, a Florida man, Daniel Morello. He was arrested for battery after an argument with a woman. It turned violent. He punched a 24 year old woman in the head.

[John Holmberg]

Can't do that.

[Troy Hayden]

They were traveling together but their car broke down. They ran out of money.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, take that, Gabby.

[Troy Hayden]

So they've been living in the vehicle and things got tense.

[John Holmberg]

Inevitable someone's going to kill someone if you're in a car with them too long.

[Troy Hayden]

Daniel claims that he'd been dating her for a few months, but the woman denied the intimate relationship.

[John Holmberg]

You punched her in the head? She might not remember.

[Troy Hayden]

He got arrested. He was wearing a shirt that says I never argue.

[John Holmberg]

I love him. We'd play what colors? This is so white. It's ridiculous.

[Rafi]

Really.

[Troy Hayden]

Daniel Murillo.

[John Holmberg]

Get out of here. He's black. I never would have guessed it. This is a white crime.

[Troy Hayden]

Wow.

[Brady]

He was adopted.

[John Holmberg]

He was raised by whites, there's no question. Otherwise he'd have just left. If I. If you just said the guy just pulled over and got out and he never was seen from again. I'm like, well, that's a black guy. But he punched her in the head and then tried to stick around. That's a white guy. I am wrong about Daniel Morell, man. You know what? We're mel. We're a melting pot. Anything's possible, but yeah, you can't just watch the Gabby Petito documentary and tell me that. If you said, hey, you know, it'd be a great idea, us tooling around the country in a car for weeks on end, never living anywhere. Someone's gonna die. You can't do it. You might start off in love. I give you till Utah from Florida. And that's exactly how long they lasted. Before you start wanting to strangle each other.

[Brady]

Utah, That's a long way.

[John Holmberg]

Look, you can do it. It's a long way. The first two weeks are fun. It's all like, oh my God, we do kind of stink. Hehe. You take a bath in a stream and it's cute. The first Time. Next thing you know, everybody smells like hot flaming corn. Nuts. There's farting going on in the car. It's dirty now. It's no more fun. You're in Utah. You're looking at each other like one more diner with her. And I'm finishing this. Morning sickness.

[Troy Hayden]

Hear the words you say sometimes. I mean, who Talks like that?

[John Holmberg]

98 year of P Day Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Troy Hayden]

This Bulgarian soccer team had had a big match last week and they lost one of their legends. So they asked the entire crowd and the teams go out on the field and do a moment of silence. The legend was a 70. 78 year old Peto, Petko Ganzhev.

[John Holmberg]

Petco sponsored it. Yeah.

[Troy Hayden]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

The big Petco.

[Troy Hayden]

Petco Ganjev.

[John Holmberg]

You don't have a lot of confidence in that. Let's call Troy. None of us do. Yeah. I wonder what Troy Hayden would call that.

[Troy Hayden]

That's a tough one.

[John Holmberg]

Is it one word.

[Troy Hayden]

P, E, T, K, O is his name.

[John Holmberg]

First name is Petco. That's easy.

[Troy Hayden]

And G, A, N, C, H, E, V. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Gone. Chef.

[Brady]

Him too.

[John Holmberg]

That seems pretty simple.

[Troy Hayden]

Petco Ganchev.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but you were. You're the one that. Making a.

[Dick Toledo]

You rocked him yesterday.

[Troy Hayden]

But it could be a. It wasn't, you know, Bulgarian. Maybe their last couple letters are pronounced with that.

[John Holmberg]

Because you're super strong with that accent, like a Dovich. I don't know.

[Troy Hayden]

Yeah. Anyway, see how easy that was? The moment of silence happened.

[John Holmberg]

Djokovic is.

[Dick Toledo]

Is Bulgarian.

[John Holmberg]

No. Who knows? He'll fix it.

[Troy Hayden]

An hour into the game.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Troy Hayden]

No, he sent a message in. I didn't pass away. I'm okay. I was just out of town getting some work done.

[John Holmberg]

Petco going back to that cross country thing, I got to thinking, well, Brady was making no sense over there with that story. Remember when they'd crossed the nation in those Conestoga wagons? And then the stories are always like, the women and children didn't make it. You know why they were getting killed. You were in wagons. So back then, they were a little more tolerant of time spent together. So you could make it from Oklahoma. You get to Nevada, you're not getting all the way to the gold rush with the family. The wives, oh, they got sick or. I think they paid a lot of Indians to kill the family.

[Troy Hayden]

And then watch that 1883, the Tyler Sheridan.

[John Holmberg]

The dudes get through. And you know what else? The other thing.

[Troy Hayden]

Oh, you know, it was Grift city.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody was killing the women and children and the. And also the thing Was like, the men would go ahead. I think that's. That's. We've.

[Troy Hayden]

They would. They would hire people.

[John Holmberg]

Look, we've romanticized something here that these guys would get up to. Like, oh, there's a mountain range, huh? Women and children. You stay here. We'll be right back. And then they'd leave. And they're gonna think we're dead. We're just gonna go to California without them. I can't take it anymore. And then they just leave them to fend for themselves.

[Dick Toledo]

Watch that American primeval.

[John Holmberg]

And then they come. Exactly what you're talking about. Yeah. Yeah. They just leave the ladies behind all the time. You've got this, right.

[Dick Toledo]

Come back and they're slaughtered.

[John Holmberg]

And the weakest man that they're tired of, like, this guy won't shut up. And the two dudes go. We'll go to California together. And then maybe on their way back.

[Troy Hayden]

Like, 14, say, 100 bucks a wagon, I'll get you across here.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Troy Hayden]

And, like, by the way, we'll be here.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And they'd kill all the ladies because it was just. Don't think it wasn't the guy driving the wagon. Like, I paid these guides to help us out. Everyone should be comfortable. And then he'd give him that okay sign. I bet you that's where the okay sign came from. You got it, boy. Yep. We'll kill everybody here. No way that. It was all disease, famine, and Indians that were killing all those ladies as they tried to, you know, Manifest destiny. Lewis and Clark did it. They were picking up broads on the way, knocking down mailbox.

[Troy Hayden]

They lost a few.

[John Holmberg]

Lewis and Clark lost guides. Two of them were going to be just fine. A couple ladies died. It had some prostitutes somewhere in, I don't know, the Dakotas. I don't know where.

[Dick Toledo]

And they had an in with Sacagawea. She was leading the way.

[John Holmberg]

And they were banging the lights on. That whole. We romanticized that whole trip west. Oh, just like some guy pointing and everybody following in their dresses. No, they were sick of the Women by Oklahoma.

[Dick Toledo]

The women historical story can have Chris.

[John Holmberg]

Farley in the movie Wagons east is not. That was John Candy, wasn't it?

[Dick Toledo]

No, Chris Farley and Wagons Hoe.

[John Holmberg]

Or I remember, Wagons east was. Chris was a John Candy.

[Dick Toledo]

And.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, they did the other one.

[Dick Toledo]

Charlie did one.

[Troy Hayden]

I don't.

[John Holmberg]

And that was one where he died during that. Pretty close, because John Candy died during Wagons Ease.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, okay.

[John Holmberg]

Either way, everybody wanted to kill each other. It's the same in cars. We Just. It's actually, they were a lot more tolerant back then. And luckily they had savage Indians along the way they could rely on to kill the family so they didn't get blamed for murder.

[Troy Hayden]

There's a single parking spot in Boston that just hit the market for $750,000 in a parking garage in Beacon Hill, around the corner from the Boston Common, right where the famous Cheers bar is.750 grand gets you that parking spot. There's also $400 a month in fees, and property taxes are $291 a month.

[John Holmberg]

It's kind of heavy for a spot to park your car.

[Troy Hayden]

Already two people wanting to buy the spot. The person that owned it bought it in 2023 for 500,000. It's pretty good. Little turnaround, two years.

[John Holmberg]

It's not bad.

[Troy Hayden]

This is spectacular news. Sargento just released a new type of American cheese that is actually. It qualifies as cheese.

[Dick Toledo]

Wait a minute. American cheese doesn't qualify as.

[Rafi]

Shut up, Toledo. Let the man talk.

[Troy Hayden]

This is important for you.

[Rafi]

It is important. Now you shut your mouth. Shut your gob.

[Troy Hayden]

They've cracked the code on how to make fake cheese.

[Rafi]

Real cheese.

[Troy Hayden]

Yeah.

[Rafi]

God damn it. It's genius. I love Elon Musk.

[Troy Hayden]

It's natural American cheese. It only has five ingredients. Meanwhile, the other types have nine or more.

[Rafi]

What other types? The real cheese.

[Troy Hayden]

They say the process is similar to making Colby Jack. The ingredients are milk, cheese culture, salt, and.

[John Holmberg]

Don't give us a recipe. It's just cheese. It's fake cheese that tastes real. And they're now saying might be real cheese.

[Troy Hayden]

They're on the shelves right now. I already got a pack.

[John Holmberg]

I don't understand this.

[Dick Toledo]

I don't either.

[Brady]

Mr. Sargento probably called him and sent him one.

[John Holmberg]

Why in the world do you need artificial cheese to replace your cheese? Hold on. Shut up. Artificial cheese to replace your real cheese? Let him answer this and then we'll get to you.

[Troy Hayden]

Okay, so when you're making a grilled cheese or whatever, you usually use like an American cheese or. But because it's not real cheese, I never would get it. I usually do cheddar or whatever.

[John Holmberg]

Now you use cheese.

[Troy Hayden]

The other day I saw it on the shelf. Real American cheese. That was what you melch better. Wait a minute. You're pre.

[Dick Toledo]

Buying things for your stories.

[Troy Hayden]

No, I didn't. I didn't realize that. It just rolled out. I had to get the other day.

[John Holmberg]

That's why it's. His story is because in his phone he looks.

[Rafi]

Is this a scam if I reach for this, it'll be a trap.

[John Holmberg]

He thought his hand would chop off like he's a rat. I reach for this cheese that's luring me in and then. But I'm still struggling with. It's just for grill melting. A cheese slice some people like.

[Brady]

Sounds like Velveeta.

[Troy Hayden]

Velveeta.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Yeah. But what's okay then why not use Velveeta?

[Troy Hayden]

Why not get an all natural American cheese that's really good.

[John Holmberg]

You care about what's natural cheese? Food. I watch you eat orange.

[Troy Hayden]

I like Velveeta. Don't get me wrong.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you we know that.

[Brady]

We were not questioning that at all.

[John Holmberg]

I've never once looked at you with a handful of Cheeto dust going, it's all natural. Like, when do you care?

[Troy Hayden]

I wanted to try it, see if it was different.

[John Holmberg]

Well, sure, trying it's one thing, but the like trying to sell me that. It's like this is finally what we've been waiting for. Velveeta's been getting it done.

[Troy Hayden]

I might have been exaggerating a little bit. You know what? We're a little.

[John Holmberg]

Christ. So the cheese. I don't know this. I'm asking you the expert. Bitter. The cheese that I would buy doesn't melt right. As a grilled cheese.

[Troy Hayden]

It melts differently.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but it's still a good grilled cheese in the end, I think.

[Troy Hayden]

Well, because I think, you know, like if you're using a Colby or a cheddar sometimes, and people might like that when you bite the grilled cheese and it strings out a long time.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Troy Hayden]

American won't do that.

[Dick Toledo]

They like playing.

[Troy Hayden]

You can bite.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, American doesn't string.

[Troy Hayden]

Nope.

[Rafi]

It all goes in your mouth at the same time. You don't go messing around like it's a piece of chewed gum.

[Dick Toledo]

Okay.

[Rafi]

Brady's right. When you want to bite, you want to bite. God damn it. You don't want to fight. Not wrong. My question is nothing worse than watching your mouth and have that delicious angelic ambrosia in your mouth and then you pull the sandwich away and realize that half of it's about to fall on the floor.

[Troy Hayden]

No.

[Dick Toledo]

So it's about waste.

[Rafi]

No, it's about floor food. I'm not eating that. We talked about that yesterday.

[John Holmberg]

Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Troy Hayden]

Hear the words you say sometimes? I mean, who talks like that?

[John Holmberg]

98U PD Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[Rafi]

It goes in your mouth, gets in your belly. That's where it belongs. It doesn't belong hanging out in the air getting cold. It's not Jacob's ladder, for Christ's sake. I want it in my mouth. I don't need some show.

[Dick Toledo]

My question was Sargento. Aren't you offended? As an Italian making real American cheese?

[John Holmberg]

Man, I don't even know what that is.

[Brady]

Yeah, I don't either.

[Troy Hayden]

They're out of Wisconsin.

[John Holmberg]

Gets excited.

[Dick Toledo]

So they're not Italian. Okay. All right.

[Rafi]

Tell them about the factory tour, Brady.

[John Holmberg]

It's amazing.

[Rafi]

They had to kick us out. We were like those Palestinian protesters. After a while, they just, like, close it down. They're making us scared.

[Troy Hayden]

I got a couple of radio videos.

[Rafi]

All right, no more cheese stores. Y'all done.

[Troy Hayden]

That's it.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Rafi]

See you later.

[John Holmberg]

Sure.

[Troy Hayden]

Thanks, Rafi.

[Dick Toledo]

Stretch. I gotta get the system back up.

[John Holmberg]

Stretch. Like that cheese Brady hates.

[Brady]

Let's talk about that.

[Troy Hayden]

It's first.

[John Holmberg]

I just love that there's a finally, like, an exhale from fat world. Oh, finally. No more of those awkward, strange, inconvenient grilled cheese sandwiches I've been struggling with my whole life.

[Dick Toledo]

Forty years ago, when I made first.

[John Holmberg]

Grilled cheese, I think that's one of the first things they teach kids to make. Because they don't screw up now. Oh, here you go, you rotund little hog. Stepped up the game. Is it too excited? You gotta call me up down.

[Rafi]

Oh, my God.

[John Holmberg]

And you saw it in the store. Look at.

[Dick Toledo]

Look.

[John Holmberg]

And what's the cell on the package say? Hey, Brady.

[Dick Toledo]

Little neon sign.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, Brady.

[Troy Hayden]

Look Says, hey, boss.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you're gonna want this, chief.

[Troy Hayden]

This rancher in Massachusetts recently passed away. Asked his family to let his favorite horse spread his ashes. So they fixed the bag on the saddle of the horse, poked holes in the bottom.

[John Holmberg]

The horse just ran around while he was leaking out.

[Troy Hayden]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

This is his horse.

[Troy Hayden]

Yep. Favorite horse.

[John Holmberg]

He's just at a park somewhere. I just smacked him on the ass, and he's just running the trail. Man. There's a lot of. That guy. There's a lot of. He was eating a lot of cheese. Yeah, that's a hell of a lot of.

[Brady]

That's before they had real American cheese.

[John Holmberg]

He was eating too much of that.

[Troy Hayden]

Argento pouring out of there.

[John Holmberg]

Good Christ. That horse has run a quarter mile, and he's still blowing smoke out like a. Like a bad muffler. Wow.

[Troy Hayden]

And the last one is spring break in India.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, we are in an S river. That is a river of garbage and feces and white people. So this is in India.

[Troy Hayden]

Oh, it is.

[John Holmberg]

It is.

[Troy Hayden]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Those are Indians.

[Troy Hayden]

Rampton, India.

[John Holmberg]

What are they under a ring light? How comes every. Oh, I see it now. Okay. What are we doing? Is it bath day?

[Dick Toledo]

They cordoned it off, John. They've got a barrier between the actual ocean and the crap river.

[Troy Hayden]

The attack of the mudfish.

[John Holmberg]

Dirt and garbage and diarrhea in that. That's just.

[Brady]

That's not including the river.

[John Holmberg]

Talking about the water. Jesus Christ. Although anybody who bathes in that is trash. I don't care. What? I don't care. I don't care where you're from. Right there. That's right. That's funny. You bathe in poop river, you bathe in anything with multiple people. I think you're a pig. If you go to Slide Rock.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, you turn me around.

[John Holmberg]

Jesus. I think you're disgusting. If you go to a public pool.

[Brady]

I always wanted to do that when I was a kid. I never went to Slide Rock. And then I hear all the stories. I'm like, thank God I didn't.

[John Holmberg]

And that's why you've never had dysentery. Cause that's where it's born.

[Troy Hayden]

Some kind of rash.

[John Holmberg]

Ugh. You get one of them rashes all over your body from Slide Rock, wander around looking like Deadpool.

[Troy Hayden]

Right?

[John Holmberg]

Can't have that. Make everybody scared. Where were you? Slide Rock. Did you slide down on your head? No, it's just what it does to your skin. It ruins your whole body. It's fun, though. Yeah. Wading around in a bunch of other people's feces. I was down at the sewer plant. Made me a little splotchy.

[Troy Hayden]

Wanna go take a dip?

[Brady]

All that curry.

[John Holmberg]

You can't. All that curry. Yeah. You can't live in a nation of a billion and a half people and eat that much curry and expect your rivers not to turn brown.

[Brady]

That's terrible.

[John Holmberg]

Gross. All right, Brett, what do you got?

[Brady]

All right, I'm a little light today, so we'll be gentle and on this one. This one's called F Around and Find Out.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, so it looks like a bank or something. Yeah, dmv, some sort of. There's a security guy standing there. There's nobody there now. Here comes armed marauders open. He pulls his gun out immediately and shoots one. Oh, there's more shots. Oh, somebody got hit right there. Look at the big blood splatter. That dude's gushing blood and he's still shooting at the security guard.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, he got him in the neck.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he hit him right in the neck. He's not going to make it another second.

[Troy Hayden]

Look at that.

[John Holmberg]

He is bleeding out. Look at the. He is.

[Dick Toledo]

He's about ready to drop.

[John Holmberg]

He's doing a Jackson Pollock all over the floor. Oh, there he goes. No, we're getting a little weak. Oh, too much blood loss. He's trying to escape. His door's too heavy and he's trapped between the half open door. He can't work. He's done. He's done. That's the rest of his. Wow. The security guard had to take three or four shots too. He's reaching. He's just fine. Look at all that blood. So the security guard shot him directly in the jugular or like the middle.

[Dick Toledo]

Finger he painted with the blood.

[John Holmberg]

What are they robbing?

[Dick Toledo]

It must be a bank.

[John Holmberg]

How fast did he draw that weapon? The dude with the gun is running at him and by the time he gets it out, he's a foot away. That was amazing. And he wasn't even like looking.

[Brady]

It was like peripheral.

[John Holmberg]

And then this dude just keeps shooting.

[Dick Toledo]

He hits him so that he's shot.

[John Holmberg]

Too, because he's leaving a blood trail as he runs away.

[Brady]

Not like that.

[John Holmberg]

Not like this, dude, man. Where is this?

[Brady]

That? I don't know.

[Rafi]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

It might be the dmv. And it might be the cleanest DMV I've ever seen. Even. It was. No, even. Even now I'd still go in there before. Man, it's so clean outside of the blood.

[Brady]

This is this other security guy coming out the door. It was like. It's almost like he's got a raggedy's cleaning up the floor. Look at this.

[Troy Hayden]

I. I think it's the same dude.

[Brady]

Oh, is it?

[Troy Hayden]

Yeah, he's cleaning his blood up his gun belt.

[Brady]

Oh, maybe that's what.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, there's a lady running. Two ladies running out. Oh, that's what it is.

[Brady]

Okay.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, it did look like he was.

[John Holmberg]

Stepping on like a Swiffering with it.

[Troy Hayden]

Exactly.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not gonna go get the stick. My foot can do this.

[Brady]

Look at. There's the death.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he's still bleeding too. He bends over and bleeds some more. Jesus, that's a lot of blood. And this guy's still twitching in there. Yeah, we can put that up on our website. Say, don't rob things. That's a cautionary tale. Why not?

[Dick Toledo]

Gotta give a warning for graphic nature.

[John Holmberg]

Well, sure.

[Brady]

There'S some graphic nature for you.

[John Holmberg]

Somebody hanging off of the edge of a parkour stunt.

[Troy Hayden]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, we're about 22 floors up and. Not anymore we're not. Oh, he makes it all the way to the bottom.

[Rafi]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

Who needs an elevator? Oh, my. He was just hanging out. What is it, like 18 stories?

[Troy Hayden]

That was Tracy Morgan.

[John Holmberg]

Not a bad hot dog. I'm going to go stand outside for a minute.

[Troy Hayden]

Oh, my God.

[Dick Toledo]

I think I counted 14 floors.

[John Holmberg]

He almost landed on his feet. Well, I mean, he wasn't going to stick it, right? Well, but he did land thinking. I will say earlier, body control was pretty amazing. Cuz if it was a little lower, he might have stood up.

[Troy Hayden]

We had to deduct a couple of points.

[John Holmberg]

Did not stick that landing.

[Brady]

And this guy's going to probably have to jerk with his other hand now.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, all right. We're in a car. Oh, these idiot teenagers. This kid's hanging his. He's hanging his hand out. He's taking pictures or he's lighting something out the window of. Oh, it blows up right in his hand in the car as they're driving along.

[Brady]

Let me out.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he let me out. We can't open the door anymore. Somebody's got to help him. Blew up in his hand. Oh, my God. He'd show the hand. Oh, God.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh. Oh, it's just blowing.

[Troy Hayden]

Hamburger hill.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, his hand. His hand, his hand. It's blown. Oh, there it is. They went back and filmed inside the car, and there's chunks of his hand everywhere. Oh, my God, dude. Yeah, dude is right. Oh, now he's got three nub hot dogs and half a thumb. That's better than I expected it to look like. All right, Jason, Pierre, Paul.

[Brady]

And that's it.

[John Holmberg]

Man. You down with jpp. Wow. Fireworks. You know what? Deep down, I'm kind of happy about it. Another jackass trying to be. Trying to be funny with boomers. Blows his hands off. Hella explosures. Let me out. It happened. I do enjoy when fireworks blow up hillbilly's hands when they're being real dumb with them. Good stuff. Excellent job. That shooting was crazy. Both of them live so damn long. That's one thing a tactical black, they always say is like. Yeah, in the movies, people get shot. They just. Your adrenaline's going so strong, halftime, you don't even know you're shot. You just keep going. They'll fight you while they're bleeding out. You don't realize what cops have to deal with again. Another time, thanks to our boys and girls in blue. The stuff you guys, you don't know that's going to happen to you every time you leave the house. You're a cop. Every time you leave the house like this could be my day. Some jackass I just shot twice won't go away. He's got another 18 seconds and nothing to lose. That guy was bleeding to death, and he kept. His mission was to shoot that other dude. He didn't care that he was dying. Nuts. There you go, everybody. That is your Brady Report. It's 98 KUPD.

[Dick Toledo]

It's not weird.

[John Holmberg]

It's pretty cool, actually.

[Troy Hayden]

No membership fee.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this.