03-20-25 - Chad Daniels - Tempe Improv - In Studio

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode: March 20, 2025 - Chad Daniels at Tempe Improv - In Studio

Introduction On March 20, 2025, Holmberg's Morning Sickness (HMS) on Arizona's 98 KUPD welcomed comedian Chad Daniels for an in-studio episode recorded at the Tempe Improv. Hosted by John Holmberg alongside Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo, the episode delivered a blend of humor, personal storytelling, and provocative discussions, staying true to the show's mission to entertain, question, and occasionally disturb its audience.

Personal Background and Comedic Journey Chad Daniels opened up about his journey in comedy, highlighting his preference for performing at the Tempe Improv due to its ample parking and welcoming atmosphere. At [01:10], Chad shared, "Parking. I pick my comedy clubs by the amount of parking lot downtown. There's not a lot of parking, so I like to go to Tempe." This practical choice reflects his thoughtful approach to managing his performances.

Family Dynamics and Personal Relationships The conversation quickly delved into Chad's personal life, particularly his relationship status and familial responsibilities. At [01:24], Chad revealed, "Not married, but live in," discussing the pressures from his girlfriend to formalize their relationship. The dialogue touched upon the complexities of blending families, with Chad humorously addressing the challenges of cohabiting with children from previous relationships.

High School Anecdotes and Legal Troubles Chad recounted a pivotal moment from his high school days involving a creative yet illegal act of sabotaging Coke machines using a saline solution. At [22:03], he explained, "We put saline solution in a 2-liter bottle of Mountain Dew and sprayed it into the dollar changer of a pop machine." This act led to repeated offenses, resulting in significant restitution but fortunately avoiding jail time. The humorous yet insightful storytelling captured the audience's attention, illustrating Chad's knack for turning personal missteps into comedic material.

Estranged Relationship with His Father A significant portion of the episode focused on Chad's strained relationship with his father. At [25:32], Chad detailed how his father had stolen his identity, leaving Chad to navigate the repercussions alone. This revelation set the stage for a deeper discussion about familial neglect and the long-term impacts of parental absence. The hosts probed further, with Chad candidly sharing, "I am not going to [reconnect with my father]," highlighting his emotional boundaries and resilience.

Conspiracy Theories and Social Commentary Holmberg and Chad ventured into controversial territory by discussing various conspiracy theories. At [07:00], Chad mused, "I have a theory that we all make the same sex sounds as our parents," blending humor with unsettling topics. The conversation expanded to include theories about the JFK assassination, AIDS campaigns, and the moon landing. Chad's provocative statements, such as "[...] AIDS is a choice," sparked intense dialogue, showcasing his ability to navigate sensitive subjects with a comedic twist.

Philosophical Musings and Hypotheticals The discussion shifted to more philosophical realms, with Chad and the hosts contemplating hypothetical scenarios. At [30:58], Chad proposed, "If you were king for a day, what's the first thing you'd change?" The imaginative exchange led to ideas like having kindergarten classes run the country, emphasizing simplicity and kindness in governance. This segment underscored Chad's creative thinking and his ability to infuse humor into broader societal critiques.

Closing Remarks and Future Endeavors As the episode neared its end, Chad reflected on his comedic experiences and future plans. At [30:29], he suggested, "I think you should write that [make a movie or book]," in response to his high school antics. The hosts encouraged Chad to continue sharing his stories, recognizing the entertainment value and relatability of his anecdotes. The episode concluded with a warm farewell, leaving listeners intrigued by Chad's dynamic personality and eager for his upcoming performances at the Tempe Improv.

Notable Quotes with Attribution

• Chad Daniels [01:10]: "Parking. I pick my comedy clubs by the amount of parking lot downtown. There's not a lot of parking, so I like to go to Tempe."
• Chad Daniels [22:03]: "We put saline solution in a 2-liter bottle of Mountain Dew and sprayed it into the dollar changer of a pop machine."
• Chad Daniels [25:32]: "I am not going to [reconnect with my father]."
• Chad Daniels [07:00]: "I have a theory that we all make the same sex sounds as our parents."
• Chad Daniels [30:58]: "If you were king for a day, what's the first thing you'd change?"

Conclusion This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness provided a multifaceted glimpse into Chad Daniels' life, blending humor with heartfelt revelations and daring conversations. From his comedic roots and family struggles to his forays into controversial topics, Chad's candidness and wit kept the audience engaged throughout. The interaction between Chad and the hosts exemplified the show's commitment to delivering unfiltered and thought-provoking content, making this episode a memorable addition to the Arizona morning radio landscape.

Transcript

[Dick Toledo]

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[Chad Daniels]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP guns.com your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[Unknown Host]

You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself.

[Chad Daniels]

He's evil sitting right here.

[Unknown Host]

Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. Look, everybody and. And the. The guy who runs the place, usually everybody gives me cards, information, everything else. I don't even know where you're playing. It's Chad Daniels, everybody. And I don't even know where you're playing.

[Chad Daniels]

I'm playing at the Improv.

[Unknown Host]

Well, that's what we needed to know.

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Unknown Host]

See, that's what I have to have. Come on, Coleman. For crying out loud.

[Chad Daniels]

Parking. I pick my comedy clubs by the amount of parking lot downtown. There's not a lot of parking, so I like to go to Tempe.

[Unknown Host]

You like the Tempe one? It makes people feel more comfortable space to get in and out. And you're. And you're. Are you married?

[Chad Daniels]

Not married, but live in.

[Unknown Host]

Girlfriend was just here a couple months ago.

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah. Did she tell you to ask me if we were married? Because the pressure is being put on. She was daily.

[Unknown Host]

She actually asked on email he coming in tomorrow. If you could remember to get that. Are you holding off on marriage?

[Chad Daniels]

Just remind him. I'm not really holding off. I'm just kind of waiting for the right. You know, I got to get all the ducks in the. I have two kids with you got to send with other people with one other person. Let's not get crazy. I'm not a one other person. Yeah, yeah.

[Unknown Host]

And you're dragging those along plus all the baggage from that last thing. So why get in this again?

[Chad Daniels]

Tell me about it. And I, I said hey, maybe it'd be nice if you texted my daughter to see how the. For you know, school went. Yeah, she started school again. And then. And then Kelsey goes, well, that just seems like a lot. And I go, well, look at you. Just push the. The date's moving the ring back another three months.

[Unknown Host]

Every time you don't text a family member.

[Chad Daniels]

Everybody's got to get along. That's my deal. I'm not gonna get married. And then all of a sudden, all hell breaks.

[Unknown Host]

Exactly. Because you've seen it. Like, the stepmom is the villain and all the porn that's out now, or step parents are. That's having sex with everybody. And who knows? I wouldn't. I wouldn't invite this into my life. If there's not enough money in the.

[Chad Daniels]

World, my son walks upstairs. I'm like, go back down and put your long pants on, boy.

[Unknown Host]

That's right, young man.

[Chad Daniels]

None of this kneecap stuff.

[Unknown Host]

Isn't it weird how that's caught on, though, in the world of porn?

[Chad Daniels]

I don't think it's weird.

[Unknown Host]

You don't?

[Chad Daniels]

Well, because it's. It's hot. So I don't think it's that you find that. I see.

[Unknown Host]

I find when I hear too much of the storyline, I get a little uncomfortable.

[Chad Daniels]

Well, for me, it's like, okay, so she's been stuck in the dishwasher and the dryer. I don't get it.

[Unknown Host]

Like, well, somebody that dumb is staying in my house, that's. She's never gonna move out.

[Unknown Guest]

I can work around.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah, I can work around a dummy that way, but I just find it weird. It's like, you're the ones that I don't like is. I'm like, you're so much bigger than your dad. Like, they'll say something in the middle, oh, I don't need this.

[Chad Daniels]

Well, and it's also, like, impossible. Have you heard of genetics? Yeah, I'm the exact same size as my dad. Don't give me that. I know how this works.

[Unknown Host]

I have a theory that we all make the same sex sounds as our parents.

[Chad Daniels]

Your theory is disgusting, don't you think?

[Unknown Host]

Because nobody ever taught you your sex sounds. They happen naturally.

[Chad Daniels]

But I don't think I heard my parents have sex ever.

[Unknown Host]

Really? Well, I don't think you have to hear it. I think it's innate in us.

[Unknown Guest]

The sounds that you're coming up with have been.

[Unknown Host]

They've been passed down like your grandfather. Because sometimes right in the middle of sex, I'll go like, oh, yeah, Marcy. And that's my mother's name. It's not even the person Yeah, I have the same exact sex sound.

[Chad Daniels]

Maybe that's why you think the stepmom thing is weird because you go right to the mom.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah, that could be.

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah. But yeah, I've thought that. Because there's times when I'll make a noise and I'm like, I think I just sounded like my dad. I'm turning into my father.

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

When you think of now, I hate to do this to you, but next time if that creeps into your brain, you're like, oh my God, that's so.

[Chad Daniels]

There's no question. I'm actually going to make sure I'm not with anyone at the time.

[Unknown Host]

Right.

[Chad Daniels]

Just so I can have my own thoughts and feelings about it to go back to the hotel and I'm going to do a little experiment.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah. It's not normal.

[Unknown Guest]

Yeah, yeah.

[Unknown Host]

But you got to wonder where it comes from. Like what noises that you are prone to make.

[Chad Daniels]

I was have a hard time hearing my dad going, yeah baby. Cuz that's my noise. My noise.

[Unknown Host]

Like a first base.

[Unknown Guest]

Put it, put it.

[Chad Daniels]

I'm. I'm like a lead singer of a. Of a. Like a swing band.

[Unknown Host]

Oh, wow.

[Chad Daniels]

In between, during the bridge, right, where they go. It's that stuff. You can't understand what they're saying, but you know, it's important. Yeah, absolutely.

[Unknown Host]

And it's off mic. Yeah, yeah. So it has like. They're out of control. They're doing this because they love it. All right. I might throw that, might that add that to the repertoire.

[Unknown Guest]

And I don't see my dad going, yeah, yeah.

[Unknown Host]

That's a. Yeah, that's disturbing. Oh my gosh.

[Chad Daniels]

I just pictured somebody change to a radiator with a half eaten ham sandwich on a plate on the floor. Oh boy.

[Unknown Host]

And they've been in there so long, they've actually gotten bigger eyes because the lights haven't been on in years. They're nocturnal now. Wow. Now I want to see both you. I want to see the swing band and the rapist in action. Because mine's not half as bad. And it started off being the worst one.

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah. So right now you want to see it?

[Unknown Host]

Yeah. You guys want to get that together?

[Chad Daniels]

We may as well just figure it out.

[Unknown Host]

I'll pay for it. We'll send you two on a date. Chad's at the Tempe Improv this weekend. Friday and Saturday. Got two shows Saturday and just one Friday. Is that right?

[Chad Daniels]

That is right.

[Unknown Host]

Okay, so there you go. So you're cutting back. Just the parking is going to be Wide open.

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah, absolutely. I like to. I like to get back to the hotel on a Friday and see if I can sound like my dad.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah, just do some swing.

[Chad Daniels]

Saturday, two show.

[Unknown Host]

What are you doing with your life right now? How's it going? What in your world is happening that we should know about?

[Chad Daniels]

Well, I'm golfing this week because you came down early.

[Unknown Host]

Oh, did you?

[Chad Daniels]

Were you very excited? Scottsdale National.

[Unknown Host]

Oh, yeah. Is that a thing?

[Unknown Guest]

Yeah, that's her.

[Unknown Host]

That one.

[Unknown Guest]

The guy from psg.

[Unknown Host]

Oh, okay. Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Bob Parson.

[Unknown Host]

Did you get. Are you. Are you golfing with Bob himself?

[Chad Daniels]

I'm sure not.

[Unknown Host]

You're not. You're not. Not on the list.

[Chad Daniels]

Just golfing with a friend of a friend, and I think it's going to be fantastic. But otherwise, you know, just out just trying to do it. My son's married.

[Unknown Host]

Married son.

[Chad Daniels]

I do 25.

[Unknown Host]

Oh, you got. How old are you?

[Chad Daniels]

You started young? 50. I started, yeah.

[Unknown Host]

You just look fantastic.

[Chad Daniels]

Just turned 50.

[Unknown Host]

Okay.

[Chad Daniels]

That's nice of you.

[Unknown Host]

Good on you.

[Chad Daniels]

Did you get that on you?

[Unknown Host]

Were you recording that, Matt? That's good. You don't look 50 to me. It's nice of you, but now that you said it, maybe okay. I don't know. I didn't have a pedaling.

[Chad Daniels]

Just think, learn to stop.

[Unknown Host]

Go with it. Well, it's gonna stop. Once someone tells you your age, you're like, now I see it.

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

But before, I thought maybe early 40s.

[Chad Daniels]

Right. Well, that's nice.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah, I thought. And when you said 25, I'm like, man, that's getting it done. But that's pretty reasonable, I think. So 20, 25 year gap is. That's normal. And what's your son do?

[Chad Daniels]

He is a coder. I thought he was going to be just live with me for his whole life. And then he goes, well, you know, I'm sick of playing video games, so I'm gonna learn how to make them. I was like, all right. And then he went to this coding boot camp where all these kids drop out, you know, because it's eight hours a day of school, and then you have to. You have to do the projects. After that, he couldn't have a job. Nothing like that.

[Unknown Host]

Really?

[Chad Daniels]

Yep.

[Unknown Guest]

So there could only be one.

[Unknown Host]

Did you have to pay for that?

[Chad Daniels]

I did.

[Unknown Host]

And. And.

[Chad Daniels]

But it was worth it.

[Unknown Host]

Okay, well, now it is, because time.

[Chad Daniels]

Because I told him, I go, I go make a video game. And let me see it. Because he goes, I'm doing it on this app. And I go, let Let me see what it looks like. And he sent it to me, and it was really cool. It was basically, you know, kind of flappy bird technology. Do you remember?

[Unknown Host]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Chad Daniels]

So it was that technology, but it was dinosaurs avoiding meteors. And I go. And I couldn't pass the second level.

[Unknown Host]

Really.

[Chad Daniels]

Like, all right, I'll send you where you want to go. So we went to Rutgers, and it was that easy.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah, well, because the litmus test to Rutgers.

[Chad Daniels]

I just needed him to show me he was excited.

[Unknown Host]

Right.

[Chad Daniels]

I've seen this kid passionate about two things in his. It was that and his wife. That's.

[Unknown Host]

No kidding. And he was married before this?

[Chad Daniels]

No, he got married after. Okay.

[Unknown Host]

I was gonna say, because he's living in your house, that.

[Unknown Guest]

Did he go in the dinosaurs? Was it T. Rex or was it good, you know, running through there?

[Chad Daniels]

That's a good question. It was two legs, but it wasn't a T. Rex. So maybe. Maybe whatever.

[Unknown Host]

He just made one.

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

Well, that's impressive.

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah, it's pretty cool. And then my daughter is. She's a junior in college, and she studied in Costa Rica at the beginning of the semester, and she's. Listen to this. She's going to Cabo for spring break.

[Unknown Host]

Okay.

[Chad Daniels]

She's going to San Diego to park the car, and then she has to go into what's south of that in Mexico. What's.

[Unknown Host]

Oh, Tijuana.

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah. She's gotta go Tijuana. She's flying in Tijuana. And so I just said, call me when you get back. I don't want all the details.

[Unknown Host]

So she's down in Tijuana. Yeah. Right.

[Chad Daniels]

Like, she's going on.

[Unknown Host]

Oh, she's going. Oh, she's going this weekend. Yeah. Don't get any details at all.

[Chad Daniels]

I don't want to know anything until she gets back. I'm just gonna pretend like everything's. Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

And it's not gonna be. No way she's bringing something back with her forever.

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah. You all right with that?

[Unknown Guest]

Well, I mean, I want you to meet my husband.

[Unknown Host]

No, not that. That would be the best case scenario.

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

Listen, I mean, she met a caballero.

[Chad Daniels]

You can't get AIDS from.

[Unknown Host]

You can't get AIDS from hugging.

[Chad Daniels]

I've always said I have a T shirt.

[Unknown Host]

I was just gonna say we need to print up shirts because that's. You can't get AIDS from hugging. So you encourage hugging.

[Chad Daniels]

Absolutely.

[Unknown Host]

But, man, oh, man, Mexico's horrifying to me, like, because getting drunk and making a bad decision there Is life altering.

[Chad Daniels]

Well, yeah.

[Unknown Host]

And you can do that in Scottsdale?

[Chad Daniels]

She. Yeah, you can. She. She said, well, I'm going down there, but I, you know, my. My friends got this good deal, so you don't have to. You don't have to pay for all the stuff. And I was like, well, I might have to pay for ransom. Yeah. With how you do things.

[Unknown Host]

How old is she?

[Chad Daniels]

She's 21. Just turned 21.

[Unknown Host]

God, this is it. Yeah, yeah. Kiss her goodbye and then never kiss her again.

[Chad Daniels]

Hug her.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah, hug her from now. Yeah. Are we still afraid of aids? By the way, I made this comment earlier.

[Chad Daniels]

I don't think so.

[Unknown Host]

I don't either. Elton John's commercials are running real heavy again that we've got to stop aids. His foundation's back at it. And I'm like, I think we did Elton. I'm not. I don't think anybody's worried about it, but Elton.

[Chad Daniels]

We gave it to a guy named Magic, and he was like, ta da.

[Unknown Host]

Watch this. Yeah, he got fat with aids. Nobody's ever done that before. And we were living the dream.

[Chad Daniels]

Sickness. Hear the words you say sometimes. I mean, who talks like that?

[Unknown Host]

Holmberg's morning sickness. I theorize that that is the world's biggest misdiagnosis. And after they made him the face of aids, they couldn't go back. Oh, really? Yeah. I've always thought like, they. Because remember when it's like, oh, Magic's got hiv and they made him quit, like, that day into a press conference and all. There was no, like, gap of time. He found out on Tuesday. He retired on Friday.

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

And then. And then he started to like, I can play basketball again. They're like, carl Malone said, you get cut. I'm not playing running off the court.

[Chad Daniels]

Oh, Carl Malone was like, if you.

[Unknown Host]

Sweat, I won't be with you touching you. And he probably wasn't wrong other than it was. Wasn't real delicate. But he's like, you don't know how. Like, how did you get it? And he's like, oh. Because if you tell me how you got it for real, maybe we have a story. But if you're telling me it just happened, I don't want your sweat on me. I don't know how. You might be Magic the other way. But then a year later, he's like, can I play again? And everybody's like, yeah. And they let him play again, and nobody got mad. And then he got fat. And I'm like, they misdiagnosed this.

[Chad Daniels]

I've never Thought of it like that. But now that you say it, I can see it. Kind of like when I said I was 50.

[Unknown Host]

Right? Exactly.

[Chad Daniels]

Starting to make sense.

[Unknown Host]

It didn't add up at all. And then I'm like, now I'm seeing through it all. Yeah, 50 at least. No, because, oh, my God.

[Chad Daniels]

This really turned.

[Unknown Guest]

The Magic Johnson John thing is helping out, like, expenses that people like, maybe the drugs are expensive.

[Unknown Host]

He says, we got to stop AIDS again. And he's behind the piano and he's in a suit, and I'm like, where'd you come from? We did this a while ago.

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah. I would think the meds are very expensive.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah.

[Chad Daniels]

Because they're just like, oh, you. Oh, you got a sex disease. Well, it's going to cost you $1,000 a day.

[Unknown Host]

Right. To keep you from doing this some more. It's a whole design. The other one that I see commercials for, that I don't think is real, but somebody sending money are the needy Holocaust survivors. They have a whole family.

[Chad Daniels]

Oh, I've never seen that yet.

[Unknown Host]

They have a. Then they show some elderly woman, and.

[Unknown Guest]

I'm like, saw the commercial.

[Unknown Host]

Show me five or more. Because there can't be many left. And even if they were part of it, they were babies. They don't remember.

[Chad Daniels]

I've got to tell you something. I would give money to that.

[Unknown Host]

Would you?

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah, Before, I'd give money to aids. Because AIDS is a choice. I mean, not like you're not going in, going, I'm going to have sex and get aids. It's not that.

[Unknown Guest]

Right.

[Chad Daniels]

But if you are rolling the dice.

[Unknown Host]

Right.

[Chad Daniels]

And I don't think they really rolled the dice during the Holocaust. No, but I don't think it was like.

[Unknown Host]

But it's been like 80 years. You could have been able to get on your feet by now if you're. If you still need a charity to help you out. And you're blaming her showing is.

[Unknown Guest]

It's ridiculous.

[Unknown Host]

She's been there since she's an infant.

[Chad Daniels]

Well, I'll tell you.

[Unknown Host]

And there can't be more than three or four.

[Chad Daniels]

I'm still sold.

[Unknown Host]

You're sold on that?

[Chad Daniels]

I'm still sold.

[Unknown Host]

All right, Well, I have envelopes on the way out. You can put your money in whichever one you choose. I'm with you on that, though. Age is hard to catch it, really. You have to do some work.

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah, I would.

[Unknown Host]

I would think intravenous drug use. A lot of unprotected anal sex with people who are intravenous drug users. You can Avoid it. Yeah. This is the commercial for the.

[Chad Daniels]

Well, now that I heard what you just might have. Aids.

[Unknown Host]

With no food and no heat, they get weaker. No food or heat. But they're blaming the Holocaust every day.

[Chad Daniels]

I want you to see them.

[Unknown Host]

I'm just saying they've had time to get back on their feet. It's not the Holocaust fault anymore.

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah, okay, I see. I didn't understand what you were going with.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah. And then they show pictures of the Holocaust. Makes you feel horrible.

[Chad Daniels]

That's why I'm telling you I would. Yeah, I'm. I've already started sending money, but by.

[Unknown Host]

The time your money gets there, you're not saving them. They're 90.

[Unknown Guest]

I looked it up and there's one person like the president, and they're saying they're taking in $107 million on some of this stuff. Well, there's five of them international, in a fellowship of Christians and Jews.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

The person was here in the.

[Unknown Host]

It. It's just an awkward thing when it comes on a TV late at night and I'm like, show me. Show me. More than five survivors that are still struggling with this. I know it's going to be a memory forever, but I knew. I knew people. My ex wife's step grandparents. And this didn't turn into a porn. One of them survived the Holocaust. He was a professor at Columbia.

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

So I mean, it's like 90 years later you can do this. But, yeah, these charity things. The AIDS is cured. That's cured. I'm tired of giving money to things that we don't need to give money to.

[Unknown Guest]

And like you said, the number. The population can't be that high. And they're asking for.

[Unknown Host]

It's like Civil war survival bread. Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

We should have that covered.

[Chad Daniels]

Blankets. And you think they would.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah. You think that would be something we could pop over? Sure. I'll give you that.

[Chad Daniels]

I'll pay for a Disneyland trip. I don't put blankets and bread. It's so. It's just like you're barely getting by. Let's shake it up a little.

[Unknown Host]

Let's get them down to Florida and show them a good time.

[Chad Daniels]

Who wants to go to Mars? I will buy your ticket.

[Unknown Host]

Would you do space travel?

[Chad Daniels]

No.

[Unknown Host]

You wouldn't?

[Chad Daniels]

Absolutely.

[Unknown Host]

Why?

[Chad Daniels]

Space freaks me out more than anything.

[Unknown Host]

You're in it right now.

[Chad Daniels]

I understand that. Don't. Damn it. Don't start with me. So when I'm in a hot tub and I look up.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah.

[Chad Daniels]

And try to figure out where space ends, I can it doesn't. I can get real breathy, real breath. You get a little inside, like, what's going on with the waves in the small hot tub. And it's just my shoulders shaking back and forth, trying to figure out where. Space.

[Unknown Host]

First off, you're in a hot tub with strangers.

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

And you're staring at space, freaking out. You shouldn't be in public if that's the case. The sky scares you.

[Chad Daniels]

I gotta go into public. I'm trying to get aids. I told you that. Where am I gonna get aids? Just all by myself.

[Unknown Host]

That's true.

[Chad Daniels]

But you literally.

[Unknown Host]

You look at space and it scares you. It's too big.

[Chad Daniels]

Well, it just. It's confusing because I need there to be an answer and there isn't one, really. I mean, other than it doesn't end, but I need there to be a finite end answer.

[Unknown Host]

That is a finite answer.

[Chad Daniels]

That's not for me.

[Unknown Host]

No. Okay. So that's. The opposite of the definition.

[Chad Daniels]

Freaks me out.

[Unknown Host]

So it's just something you would never even dab.

[Chad Daniels]

It just keeps going. There just has to be an end.

[Unknown Host]

But you're in a plane, so you're close to closer to it. And then why not just breach out, pop out, take a look and come back.

[Chad Daniels]

No, thank you.

[Unknown Host]

You wouldn't do it.

[Chad Daniels]

I would not do it.

[Unknown Host]

No kidding.

[Unknown Guest]

What is the one that. It's the Amazon, Bezos. That's the one that kind of just.

[Unknown Host]

Goes the blue orbit and just pops up. You go out there, you see it for a second. You're like, this is crazy. It's the biggest thing. And then you come back.

[Unknown Guest]

Is it because of the possibility that the. It might not come back or the failure?

[Chad Daniels]

I think it's possible. Just floating around.

[Unknown Host]

You don't like that crazy.

[Chad Daniels]

Now you get out there. Like, you see the movies where people are doing these skywalks or whatever they're called.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah, I just like, nothing interesting.

[Chad Daniels]

Anything with the ropes?

[Unknown Guest]

Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

Clip.

[Unknown Guest]

Where you gotta. They luckily got it with the last little Mountaineer. Clip.

[Unknown Host]

See, because I've always said I'd take a probing from aliens for a free space ride. Like, it seems like a good trade off.

[Chad Daniels]

And I would take a probing from aliens, not get on the ship.

[Unknown Host]

I'll let you probe.

[Chad Daniels]

I'd be like, do it here. Do it here on Earth.

[Unknown Host]

Where I live in Atlanta.

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

I'm staying here. You're fine. Explore all you want. Okay. See, I'm the opposite. Like, I would ask about the other way around.

[Unknown Guest]

What about water?

[Unknown Host]

Like, oh, go deep. Deep Sea.

[Unknown Guest]

Yeah.

[Chad Daniels]

I can go deep sea.

[Unknown Host]

Because, you know, it has an ending.

[Chad Daniels]

Yep.

[Unknown Host]

Interesting.

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah. Because it's. Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

Do you have conspiracy theories in your head about anything?

[Chad Daniels]

Nothing.

[Unknown Host]

Nothing at all. Nothing's a conspiracy.

[Chad Daniels]

Don't care. Don't believe anything, ever.

[Unknown Host]

Kennedy.

[Chad Daniels]

What about him? Still alive.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah.

[Chad Daniels]

Who doesn't know that? Oh, your half your head got blown off. Nice try, dude. We started fixed. Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

You don't think anything was fishy about it? See, I actually don't either. That's the conspiracy that I have, is that it was one dude shot him.

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah, that makes sense.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah. And it was like, all right. And then the world went, well, that can't happen. One guy can't change an alter history this way. It's like. Yeah, can.

[Unknown Guest]

And the fact that it could have been multiple shots, right?

[Unknown Host]

No, don't think so. I think. I think we try to make it huge, and it's really not that big.

[Chad Daniels]

I think it was his wife.

[Unknown Host]

You think?

[Unknown Guest]

They're always behind it.

[Unknown Host]

Wait, you think Jackie Kennedy killed Kennedy himself right there in the car?

[Chad Daniels]

No. No, I don't think she pulled the trigger. I think it was the nagging. And then while he was going, he stuck a cherry bomb in his ear, lit it, and was like, watch this.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chad Daniels]

I don't do the dishes enough. I'm the president. Half a head gone, cherry bomb.

[Unknown Guest]

No one ever looked at that.

[Unknown Host]

This is the. This is the most reasonable one I've heard.

[Chad Daniels]

Thank you.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah.

[Chad Daniels]

I always say suicide. That's my. That's my. If. If I have one conspiracy theory, it's there are no murders.

[Unknown Host]

All suicide.

[Chad Daniels]

Always.

[Unknown Guest]

Maybe in the 80,000 pages, they talked about going by a fireworks stand.

[Unknown Host]

Maybe I'll pull over here. I can't take nothing but word.

[Unknown Guest]

Sam's firework.

[Unknown Host]

I don't even know why I brought you to Texas. Yeah, and truthfully, how did she get out of there on, like, nothing? Yeah, I'm gonna go with what you say. He killed himself. What about this? Did you watch the Gabby Petito thing? Okay, she's the one that drove cross country with her boyfriend, and then they had this big documentary, and he killed her in Utah, but they started in Florida and they were living in a van.

[Chad Daniels]

Okay, and.

[Unknown Host]

And when you watch the documentary, you realize, oh, one of the two of them was gonna kill the other one. This is inevitable. You can't car ride.

[Unknown Guest]

It's not even a van. Ford connect a real small.

[Unknown Host]

Okay, yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Two of them.

[Unknown Host]

You can't do 40 days in a car with anyone without killing Them. So I'm watching that. I'm like, it was him or her. And it just so happened he won.

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah, absolutely. You don't think that there were more animals than we have. And then they got on the ark. 40 days. Started just killing each other before it's too long.

[Unknown Host]

Absolutely.

[Unknown Guest]

Cabin fever.

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Unknown Host]

I like your Kennedy theory. Do you think we've been to the moon?

[Chad Daniels]

No.

[Unknown Host]

You don't think we've been to the moon and you're not into conspiracies at all?

[Chad Daniels]

I just. I think that is the conspiracy that we did go.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah. So you think we spake it?

[Chad Daniels]

Sure.

[Unknown Host]

All right.

[Chad Daniels]

Now, I don't want to talk to anyone that's gonna punch me in the face. Yeah, but see, that happened once in a while. There you go. I don't think you went smack on the ground.

[Unknown Host]

Well, that's usually just John Glenn or one of the guys who actually went up there. Buzz punching dudes.

[Unknown Guest]

Yeah, but that one's one you're kind of like.

[Unknown Host]

No, I don't think so.

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah, I don't. I think a lot of people have moon rocks that they overpaid for.

[Unknown Host]

Oh, yeah, because they were just rocks from gravel Tucson or something. Yeah, right.

[Chad Daniels]

Hear the words you say sometimes. I mean, who talks like that?

[Unknown Host]

Holmberg's morning sickness. Interesting. Chad Daniels is a fascinating man. And that cherry bomb theory holds water to me. And I don't know why. Maybe I'm dumb. Because that really resonated with me is like.

[Chad Daniels]

Well, the way you said maybe I'm dumb makes you think that you think I'm dumb. How does that work?

[Unknown Host]

Well, I don't think that it's the smartest theory, but I do think it has some weight.

[Chad Daniels]

Maybe. I have had three consecutive fights in three consecutive phone calls, and I'm thinking about sticking a cherry bomb in my ear, and that's all I can think about.

[Unknown Host]

So you have the OG Maybe it's.

[Chad Daniels]

Not my actual theory. Maybe it's just I'm planning a little something.

[Unknown Host]

I think OJ Lives in all of us. Deep down, it's like it's the old Aries Spears line. I'm not condoning it, but I understand it. I know what happened here. Do you think Nicole Brown Simpson took her own life?

[Chad Daniels]

No.

[Unknown Host]

Well, you said the no murders.

[Chad Daniels]

I think that was Marcus Allen.

[Unknown Host]

You don't even think we got the wrong running back?

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

Oh, my God.

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah. Easily. Marcus Allen.

[Unknown Host]

No one ever looked at the same number. If he's wearing a jersey, we could have very easily been fooled. Franco Harris, Marcus Allen, all those greats could have killed her.

[Chad Daniels]

When I. When I was a junior in high school, we, we. I was in this chemistry class and we figured out that a saline solution could break electrical circuits. And so we put it in a 2 liter. We put saline solution in a 2 liter bottle of Mountain Dew and we sprayed it into the dollar changer of a pop machine.

[Unknown Host]

Okay.

[Chad Daniels]

And it cut all the circuits. So if you push the coke, push the Coke button, all the coke would come out and all the change started to go. So we did this 12 times, which becomes a felony because it's so many.

[Unknown Guest]

Pop machines and the money.

[Chad Daniels]

And we were like, how did we get caught? And then we realized one of the driver of the car was wearing his football jersey from high school and he was at the private school across town. So it was like the easiest thing in the world to find.

[Unknown Host]

So were you in it more for the change or the soda?

[Chad Daniels]

I was in it more for just.

[Unknown Host]

The excitement, the thrills. The thrills of being a bad man. Absolutely. Chicks dig a bad boy.

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

Did you get laid out of this deal?

[Chad Daniels]

Absolutely not.

[Unknown Host]

Oh, that's a shame.

[Chad Daniels]

But I did. I did pay my restitution in quarters and nobody thought it was funny.

[Unknown Host]

Did you have to go to jail?

[Chad Daniels]

Didn't have to go to jail. Went to the jail house.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah.

[Chad Daniels]

Then my mom came that night to get me. And I could hear her breathing on the way home. She was so mad.

[Unknown Host]

Oh, boy.

[Chad Daniels]

And she had her hand on the headrest behind my head. And I said it was maybe 2 inches from my head. And I said, oh, come on, have a Coke and a smile. And she almost knocked my teeth out with a flick of her hand. A flick of her hand.

[Unknown Host]

How much did it cost? Do you remember?

[Chad Daniels]

It was 5,000 something. 5,000. And it was between the three of us.

[Unknown Host]

So when you first did it, you looked at each other like, this is going to be a habit until it's not. Like the first time you did the thrill was going to stay until.

[Chad Daniels]

Oh, absolutely. Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

And still damage was done.

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

You didn't think you're going to be doing this for the next 40 years?

[Chad Daniels]

No.

[Unknown Host]

You. Deep down, you knew this has an expiration 12 machines and you didn't notice that the dude with the name on his shirt was tagging along like you didn't tell him?

[Chad Daniels]

No, we knew. Just. We didn't think anything of it because we were out. It was night. I live in a small town in northern Minnesota.

[Unknown Guest]

And then.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

So the person that saw or identified.

[Chad Daniels]

The jersey he was getting ready. Remember the restaurant? Hardee's?

[Unknown Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Yeah.

[Chad Daniels]

He was getting some new special ready. He was the manager. He was across the street of one of these pop machines. And he's like, three in the morning getting this thing ready because we got. Hey, we got new biscuits. Oh, my God.

[Unknown Guest]

Nailed.

[Chad Daniels]

Find that guy.

[Unknown Host]

So the Hardee's menu change foiled the whole thing?

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

That's crazy.

[Chad Daniels]

You couldn't have waited one day?

[Unknown Host]

Hardee's. Wow. Is that your only felony? Yeah, it is. Your only. And how old were you?

[Chad Daniels]

17. So it was expunged, wiped away. Yeah. So three months later, so you feel.

[Unknown Host]

Like you got, like, a new lease on felonies? You want to try another one?

[Chad Daniels]

I'm waiting.

[Unknown Host]

Has anyone come up to you since then?

[Chad Daniels]

I'm lying in wait.

[Unknown Host]

Was there a scam Quickly after that? You're like, guys too soon. Do you have friends that want. How do you discover the saline blows up Coke machine?

[Chad Daniels]

Well, because we. I took advanced chemistry because I wasn't good at chemistry, but I knew my partners would want to get an A, so they would do all the work if I didn't.

[Unknown Host]

Very smart.

[Chad Daniels]

And so that's why I took that class. And that's. We figured that out in class.

[Unknown Host]

No kidding.

[Chad Daniels]

But, I mean, my old man, he had me help him steal a car.

[Unknown Host]

Your dad did?

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah, he stole my identity. So I was like. I feel like I was destined.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah, it's in your blood, one of these.

[Chad Daniels]

But I got it in before 18, so that felt good.

[Unknown Host]

Wait, your dad stole your identity? At what age?

[Chad Daniels]

Stole my identity when I was. Oh, boy. Maybe 16. Ish. I'm gonna say. Yeah. What do you do with it? Just went and got an apartment, Phone, electric, all of it. Put everything. So when I went to college, then I found out they were like, well, you can't.

[Unknown Host]

You can't do anything.

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah, they. They ran my credit report, and it said that I owed a woman named Karen Ward child support. And that is my mother.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

So that's amazing.

[Chad Daniels]

Wow. I got home and I was like, what's going on with this? And she said, that's. That's what your father sounds like when he. Orgasm. That's too much.

[Unknown Host]

So.

[Chad Daniels]

But no, no, no. So. So I had to get all that taken care of. And then I bought a car. It had a problem with the engine, so I had to get a rental car from the place while they fixed it. My dad heard about this, called me to go get lunch. Disappeared from lunch for 20 minutes. And then about two weeks later, when I returned the rental car, he called me for a ride. And I go, yeah, no problem. So go get him. And I go, where are we going? He goes, you gotta go to the car dealership.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah.

[Chad Daniels]

And he had. When? At lunch. Taken my keys and made a copy of the key for the rental car and got in, stole the car, drove to Las Vegas because he was.

[Unknown Host]

Wait, you drove him to the place that he's going to steal?

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah, but I didn't. I didn't know that at the time. And then he took off to Las Vegas because he was on the lam for writing bad checks.

[Unknown Host]

Oh my God.

[Chad Daniels]

Back to prison.

[Unknown Guest]

Was it gambling or was it just gambling?

[Chad Daniels]

A bunch of stuff.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah. Were you on speaking terms for. Or did you just cut him out of your life after the.

[Chad Daniels]

After that? So he gave me. So my mom collected weird dollar bills, like error cards. So they were either off center, Right. And there was one where both sides were printed on the same side. Both sides of the bill. And so my dad heard that this, at this coin show in Las Vegas. He goes, hey, man, there's a dime that had both sides stamped on the same side. And it went for a million bucks. So he goes, I gotta come back and get that thing. And I go, well, it's not yours.

[Unknown Host]

Right?

[Chad Daniels]

And then finally he kept calling, kept calling. I go, here's the deal. You come get this. But then that is it. Yeah, I am not going to.

[Unknown Host]

And you gave him the broken dollars?

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah, I gave him the one with. And he goes, hey, if I sell it, I'll split it with you. I go, now you won't. But here's before I gave it to him, I made him arm wrestle me because he used to arm wrestle me when I was a little kid and just kick the living hell out of me every time. And I was like, finally a man. And I go, let's arm wrestle.

[Unknown Host]

That was it.

[Chad Daniels]

That was it.

[Unknown Host]

And that's the last time you guys hung out and you beat him hopefully in the arm wrestler.

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah. And I was probably. Yes, 25.

[Unknown Host]

And that was the last time you had any interaction? Yeah, no kidding. And did he go back to jail?

[Chad Daniels]

I think he's deed.

[Unknown Host]

You don't even know if he's alive.

[Chad Daniels]

No, but my sister and I just agreed to tell everyone he's dead because it's easier.

[Unknown Host]

Is that right? You're not curious?

[Chad Daniels]

Not really.

[Unknown Host]

Wow.

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

You're not worried? Ladies up to something and like no names and things are being stolen again.

[Chad Daniels]

I would have Already been asked for money.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah, that's true.

[Unknown Guest]

How about, he's probably hanging out with Jim Morrison.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah. That's crazy.

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

What a story.

[Chad Daniels]

That's why when people go, oh, so many people died on 9 11. I go, I don't know. There's probably an island with a lot of people that are talking. That are talking about taking the day off that day.

[Unknown Host]

Business executive. So when. Like, when. When did your dad leave the family initially? Did you know him as a kid?

[Chad Daniels]

Oh, yeah.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chad Daniels]

Yep. Up until probably 20. He used to do this thing. So he'd live across town, but we'd only see him twice a year.

[Unknown Host]

So your parents were divorced?

[Chad Daniels]

Yep.

[Unknown Host]

Early on.

[Unknown Guest]

Your mom liked the bad boys.

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. And then one day. So for Christmas, he would always start dating someone around Thanksgiving.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah.

[Chad Daniels]

And then talk them into buying us presents. So we'd always go over there and get like, all right, this is great. Where's my tv?

[Unknown Host]

And some new step lady would give you a television?

[Chad Daniels]

Absolutely.

[Unknown Host]

Why did your mom and dad get divorced?

[Chad Daniels]

Oh, man. Just lots of stuff.

[Unknown Host]

Just for years. But she tolerated him for a while.

[Chad Daniels]

They told us it wasn't our fault, so it wasn't us. It was not the kids.

[Unknown Host]

Do you think he was okay before the kids? Was your mom moving around with a decent guy and they were 18?

[Chad Daniels]

I think, you know, it's like drugs.

[Unknown Host]

And, you know, your mom's normal hooks in you.

[Chad Daniels]

Pretty.

[Unknown Host]

Pretty normal.

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

But comparatively.

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah. Then very. Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

Okay.

[Chad Daniels]

If we're doing juxtaposition, that.

[Unknown Host]

That's crazy. And you came out somewhat okay?

[Chad Daniels]

I think so. Yeah.

[Unknown Guest]

Other than the 12 machines.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah. I mean, you know, every kid does something. Was your dad proud of you for the Coke machine bandit thing?

[Chad Daniels]

No, I don't think he ever found out.

[Unknown Host]

He never did. Wimby's listening now.

[Chad Daniels]

Maybe. Dad, if you're listening, we're gonna bring. There were 12 of them.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah. Mr. Daniels, I'm not sure if that's your name. Come on in. Let's have him pop in a full dozen. That's amazing, Chad. That's a great story. I think I like that. That should be a movie.

[Chad Daniels]

I think you should, too.

[Unknown Host]

I think you should write that.

[Chad Daniels]

Like I say to everybody, hey, you want to write the thing? Just send me a check. I don't need to be in it.

[Unknown Host]

Don't need to do anything. Just. There's a good idea for you, Chad. Dan is at the Tempe Improv tonight and. Or no tomorrow and Saturday, if you want to go. Tempimprov.com Leave us with words of wisdom, sir. Anything you can do to change people for the better or maybe even the worse, it's up to you. Anything on your mind? If you were king for a day, what's the first thing you'd change?

[Chad Daniels]

Oh, kindergarten class runs the country for a day for a full term.

[Unknown Host]

Why?

[Chad Daniels]

Because it would just be a lot easier. You wouldn't have all. You know, they haven't been poisoned with their money yet.

[Unknown Host]

I have a thing that I think everybody who's in political office should have down syndrome. They're nicer, they don't want to fight. Yeah. All the documents would only be, like, a page long and probably include, like, jelly beans at the end.

[Chad Daniels]

One voice gets raised, everyone's hugging.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah, exactly.

[Chad Daniels]

I'm into it. Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

I mean, imagine Putin and Trump, if they had down syndrome, trying to discuss this war.

[Chad Daniels]

It's not that hard to imagine. No, that's.

[Unknown Host]

That's not. Yeah. We're not going too far off the reservation here. But if they like it got upset, they just start crying and hugging each other and start over because.

[Unknown Guest]

Did he win?

[Unknown Host]

I like your idea.

[Unknown Guest]

From South America. Had down syndrome. I think he.

[Unknown Host]

Oh, yeah. They had that one guy that was running for office and had down syndrome. I'm like, this is a good idea.

[Chad Daniels]

I went to high school with a kid, down syndrome, Dave. And he.

[Unknown Host]

And he had his name.

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah. And he had a badge in his wallet in high school.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah.

[Chad Daniels]

And this. Now I've been out of high school for 30 some years. Something like that. And I'll see him at the grocery store in my hometown, and I'll go, sheriff. And he'll pull his wallet out, still has the bag, and we give a hug to each other.

[Unknown Host]

No kidding.

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah. Truth.

[Unknown Host]

That's fantastic.

[Chad Daniels]

I like your idea.

[Unknown Host]

It's good. I like your kindergarten thing. We could maybe combine them and have, like, a parliament of this.

[Chad Daniels]

Yeah. Just like, hey, what do you think should happen if a woman gets pregnant and doesn't want to have the baby? I don't know. Give her Skittles. Sounds so much better.

[Unknown Host]

Just get pizza.

[Chad Daniels]

So much better. They just hand you free stuff right now.

[Unknown Guest]

Take a nap. Little nap.

[Unknown Host]

Nap time for Congress when it gets a little heated. Probably a good idea. Awesome. Well, thank you very much. It's good to see you, and I hope you enjoyed it.

[Chad Daniels]

Well, you know what?

[Unknown Host]

We will someday.

[Chad Daniels]

It's just going to take some time.

[Unknown Host]

It takes time, and everything heals with time eventually. That's amazing. Chad Daniels. Thank you for coming in. It's 98 KUPD.

[Dick Toledo]

It's not weird.

[Unknown Host]

It's pretty cool, actually.

[Unknown Guest]

No membership fee.

[Unknown Host]

I have heard enough of this.