← Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona
Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona
03-21-25 - FULL SHOW - FRIDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD
03:06:52
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- [00:00]
John Holmberg
It's Dick Toledo and new customers right now on FanDuel.
- [00:03]
Brett Vesley
Get $150 in bonus bets when your.
- [00:05]
John Holmberg
First $5 wager wins. Just visit FanDuel.com KUPD to grab $150 in college hoops bonus bets with a winning $5 bet and prepare for March on FanDuel America's 1 Sportsbook 21 plus.
- [00:17]
Brett Vesley
In President Arizona first online real money wager only.
- [00:20]
John Holmberg
$5.
- [00:20]
Brett Vesley
First deposit required.
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John Holmberg
Bonus issued as non withdrawable bonus bets.
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Brett Vesley
Which expire seven days after receipt.
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John Holmberg
Restrictions apply. See terms@sportsbook.fanduel.com gambling problem. Call 1-800-next- step or text next step to war two.
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Brett Vesley
You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by mmpguns.com your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil. Sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. That's a lot of. Good morning, everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Friday already? My God, it's Friday. Good job, everybody. It's 5:45. This is the morning sickness. My name's John. There's Freddy. There's Brett. There's Big Dick Toledo. There's everyone's brackets. There's everybody's brains. We're all looking. Where did you fill one out? You didn't do in this year. Now let my computer do it. And this is the first year I've allowed that to happen.
- [01:18]
John Holmberg
How's it holding up?
- [01:19]
Brett Vesley
Good. I've got. I had two losses. Three losses yesterday. One that really hurt me in that it. It affected the next round and I don't even know which one it is. Not even looking at the teams. I'm just looking at the boxes with the X's or the green check marks on my. So it's a pretty good. I'm currently in 13th place. Well, tied for second place is two wins ahead of me. And then it jumps to 11th and 13th, so there's 10 people. How's Hopkins doing? And where's Doug at? Let's see, Doug is. No, no, no, I'm just scrolling scrolling. Oh, Doug. Oh, I'm still scrolling. Well, I don't see his name at all. Your computer pick is beat. There he is. He's 29th. But again, the difference between 29th and 13th is one win. He's got 11. I've got. Or. No, he's got 12. 11 or 12.
- [02:16]
John Holmberg
I've got 13 today is movement day.
- [02:19]
Brett Vesley
Oh, yeah, yeah. Today's when everybody's gonna start falling out. So it's. It's the. The least productive day in all of man's sports. Because, damn it all, this is just flat fun. And we got friends in town that come out every year. His name is Dorsey. Well, it was. And now it's Dean. He's a new man. And we're gonna. We got to gang over at Four Peaks to fire up early if you got. Hey, you guys out there, if you're listening, if you want to get up and hang out with us at Four Peaks, we're gonna go over there. We. Last year, great time. Got Fanduel involved, sort of, and had this thing where our. Our sales lady. I don't know how she did this. I still don't know if we're allowed to talk about it. There's got to be, like, a statute of limitations on this. I got a couple more years probably, but let's see. Let's see. Let's see if the RICO feds come a knock. She wasn't handing out the money, though. I was. And me. Oh, that's right. You and I were.
- [03:13]
John Holmberg
Track suit on.
- [03:14]
Brett Vesley
That's right. You wore your tracksuit. You had envelopes with cash in them. And we. We asked Fanduel, can we do, like, live betting inside under the name of Fanduel? And they're like, not really. Like, would you just sponsor. Like, heck, yeah, we'll sponsor your part. But they didn't know that we'd taken a few thousand dollars out of the. I don't even know if the company knows. I think it was the company's money. Our company. We got cash somehow, and we just had. Sorry.
- [03:38]
John Holmberg
So who cares?
- [03:39]
Brett Vesley
So we did that. And then we found out later that they're like, we can't do that. That's really illegal. I'm like, what's illegal about that? I was like, it's just because you were. Games of chance or something like that. I don't know what it was, but there's some sort of legality to it. But we'd wander over to people and go, it was the greatest game of all time. Score the next black guy, white guy, who scores next. And then I was walking up to strangers at tables who weren't there because of KUPD or our party or Fanduel or anything else. Just go. How you ladies doing today? We're fine. How are you? Like, I'm good. You work here? I would like another glass of water. Like, no, I don't Work here. Black guy, white guy who hits the next basket. I've gone black. I'm like, jesus, that was fast, lady. I got 50 bucks on it. And she would. And you know, that one. There was a table of old ladies. And the one lady kept going, come on, black. Come on. And she, you know, and then it was kind of a Middle Eastern looking guy that hit the next shot. I remember she. I gave her the money. I felt bad. Close enough. Yeah, close enough. But maybe we can do that with our own money, you know, at tables and stuff. Get a guy who's got maybe Dean Dorsey, our friend Dean Dorsey can somehow or another, like, he'll put 20 bucks up, I'll put 20 bucks up and we'll play black or white or. That was the most fun. It's like, why are your house.
- [04:49]
John Holmberg
If you.
- [04:50]
Brett Vesley
Yeah, he does wiring, he does all sorts of computer stuff. If you. If you. We. The fun one was like, all right, with a minute 40 left on the clock, and there's like three and a half minutes left. Will the score be even or odd? And you start. That started getting like, really? We were getting some tension and those things because it was, you know, three, four seconds later. How many. This is the one. FanDuel has that one thing. How many three pointers in the next three minutes, how many dunks will there be in the next? And man, I have won some money on those. Just goofing around. And then sometimes you're just like, oh, two seconds later, I've got a bunch of money. That dude dunked it late. It's a blast. So we'll be out there today, goofing around. You can come out, hang with us. It's. I don't even. I mean, I'm not even sure KUPD knows this is a thing. As Trip know you're giving his money away last year or we were giving his money does now. I don't even know how we got that money. It was cash. I don't know the sales. Don't ask. Jennifer.
- [05:48]
John Holmberg
The Brink's truck just pulled up.
- [05:49]
Brett Vesley
Jennifer, I'll tell you exactly how it happened too, because a week prior to the event, we. Larry was going crazy. He's got this thing on Friday and Fanduel hasn't like, because initially it was going to be bets. Like, you could just go get a code and it would give you free bet money. So we would go over, make the proposition at the table, and if you hit it, somehow or another we're going to give you like a QR code. You download you put it in your fanduel account, would have 20 or $50 more in it. And we're trying to get that together, but you have to print out, like, a million QR codes to give to people. And so we're running into a little logistic issue. And then it got closer and closer and closer. And in true salesperson fashion, they weren't doing anything. That's kind of their other job outside of just some radio sales. They don't do anything outside of the one. Well, they get paid. They take a paycheck from someone, and then they just disappear. That's how. That's how almost all salespeople work. So she did that, and then the last day, she comes up with, like, $3,000 cash and just hands it over, puts it in envelopes for Brett. And you had to carry it over there. I'm sure we broke a ton of flaws doing that last year with all the new gambling laws that they've got just to have online. And so I don't think the bar news. We can't blame them. That was all on us. Yeah. If anybody's going to get in trouble with Brett, I mean, that was bad. You shouldn't have done any of that. I know what you're talking about. Going around with envelopes full of cash. I mean, you make it too obvious. This year, we'll do it without the envelopes. Just making bets at tables with strangers. Nobody saw nothing. That should be something people do. That should be something. People walk up to restaurants. They used to do it at a rest. There was an Italian restaurant downtown. It's now Joyride. But there was a dude who ran an Italian restaurant. At the end of the evening, he would come over, like Vesuvio's or something. I forget what it was called. And he'd start shaking this. I don't know what he would, like, start shaking this bucket. Pick a number between 1 and 600. What? He's got this bucket of numbers, and he reaches in, and if your number happens, you find your dinner.
- [07:57]
John Holmberg
That's awesome.
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Brett Vesley
It was great. And like, that is some sort of gambling. I come over to you. I ask you a question, like, what is it that you. You got a beautiful. You got a beautiful lady at the table. I'm like, is she like a bigger number, son? Like at a 6 and a 9? And I start laughing, like, yeah, I think she does. She used to. I don't know, you know each other a while. That. That number starts to kind of become just a distant memory. Yeah. Well, if she pick at the 60 and 9. Let's see. Huh? And he goes, what a number would you choose even though you don't account? And I picked one. It was like, 84. 1 in 100, and it was 77. And I'm like, hey, that's not bad. I get, like, a discount. No, you got to get it. All right. And then I said, well, let's go with it. 69. He draws it out, and 69 came up two more later because he's standing there. A lot of people there, but I didn't get anything free. I think he bought me a drink for just goofing around. That was a great idea. But come by and have your waiter go, hey, tonight's specials. If you think of the number between 1 and 10 and I pull it out of my pocket, I'll buy you one of the specials. Like, all right. It's like happy hour. It would be great. We call it Lucky Louie's or, you know, Brett's dice. Just go out and just roll the dice. What's coming up? Roll dice. What's the number? Eight. Oh, we should have did that, too. That would have been great. We get some dice. Yeah. Then we'll go in the back and we'll shoot dice. You in the bathroom? Yeah. Yeah. How does that happen? How do Italians do that? Brett.
- [09:20]
Thriller
What?
- [09:21]
Brett Vesley
That happens all the time. Italians and blacks playing craps. I know, but you find a place to go play, and then there's money all over. Yeah, that's easy. I don't know how you do it.
- [09:29]
John Holmberg
Just need a wall, Right?
- [09:30]
Brett Vesley
Well, I know how the. I know how the logistics of throwing dice. How do you get. How do you do it?
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John Holmberg
What do you mean?
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Brett Vesley
How you doing? I don't know. You get a lot of people involved. They know before. How do you get away with it?
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John Holmberg
You tell the right people, and they.
- [09:41]
Brett Vesley
Meet you in the back, and the restaurant's okay with that. They have to be. Oh, man, the Jews. They have a choice. No, they don't. Guess that's it. I. I want to be part of stuff like that. I want to be stuff I see in movies. You want a Bronx tale in the back. I want to throw mush in the bathroom.
- [09:59]
John Holmberg
Three Card Monty.
- [10:00]
Brett Vesley
Be sitting in a place that I think this is. This place is going out of business. There's nobody in here, and then a back door opens, and you're like, 20 people, and they're throwing dice against the wall and all those videos that Warren G was in, and they're just in the road doing it. Nobody's stopping them. I watched OP Live, and they pulled up to this apartment complex. It's raining, this apartment complex. These guys are all soaking wet sitting there. And he's like, you guys got reports on your neighbors. Said there's a illegal gambling going on here. I don't know what you're talking about, man. And he's like, all right. And he pats him down. He starts pulling wads of money out of his pocket and dice. It's all wet. And he looks over and goes, is it over in this area here? I don't. I don't know what you're talking about, man. It's my money. Like, all right. He goes over to where they said they were playing dice. And the ground's wet. There's dollars in it. And, like, clearly there was some.
- [10:49]
John Holmberg
Clear it out.
- [10:50]
Brett Vesley
But they tried to. They just did a terrible job. There was one die left over in the pile. It was like you guys shooting dice up against it, and the dummies were throwing it up against the door of an apartment they don't live in. They're in somebody. They're trying to stay dry and hitting somebody's door over. And they finally called the cops because they got, like, nine brothers sitting outside chucking dice against my wall. And I don't know. I can't even go outside. I'm going to get in trouble. Meanwhile, Trevor inside said, oh, there's some black guys out there playing dice. There are. I don't know how to say this. I don't want to say they're bad people. I think they're fine people. But they're shooting dice, throwing money very loud, and they were all like, 20. And the dude with all the money kept lying. So he's the one who got hemmed up and all the rest. And the one dude started to fess up. Yeah, we were shooting dice in that hallway over there, and it was great. But that's what I want to be part of that, where you scoop up a bunch of dollars. Doesn't seem like anybody ever wins that alley craps game. It seems like red and blue lights flash, and then everybody just. It's. It ends up just being who can pick up the most and run. Because half time you see the movies, they're not picking up, just theirs.
- [11:56]
John Holmberg
Be like in Friday.
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Brett Vesley
Yeah, they did it in Friday. You got knocked up. Yeah, we'll be doing. We'll be doing this on today. Bring some. Bring dice today. But. And another thing, our friend Dorsey, his name's Dean now, I think that's I don't think you're. Unless you've committed a crime, you're not allowed to change your name and expect people to follow along. Because I'm never gonna call him Dean. I just can't. Like, he's. He was Dorsey for years. He's in his. I don't know if Dorsey's in his 40s and it's too late. You're stuck with it. You're forever gonna be that guy. So now he's Dean. Yeah. His family did it. Like, his whole family calls him Dean.
- [12:39]
John Holmberg
He's gone from Grandpa Dorsey to Grandpa Dean.
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Brett Vesley
Grandpa Dean. And they all are cool with it. Like, I'd still be like, nope, I'm grandfathered in. I'm grandfathered in on your name change. I'm not doing it. I never. No, I don't care what it was. If you stuck with it for the first. I don't know, 10 years of me knowing you, that's what you are forever.
- [12:58]
John Holmberg
I think I'm just gonna square it up with him, and I'll go, dean, then you have to call me Monty.
- [13:03]
Brett Vesley
Right?
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John Holmberg
I'll change my name.
- [13:05]
Brett Vesley
And he doesn't get mad when you call them that. But other people, like, think it's fun, and they correct you. I kept saying that last year. I'm like, hey, Dorsey's doing this. And people would be like, dean. And I'm like, what? I didn't know he changed his name. Like, what are you saying? Why does everyone yell Dean at me every time I say Dorsey? And then he's like, well, I changed my name because in business, people thought I was a girl before they met him on the phone, somebody named Dorsey calls. Like, a woman named Dorsey's trying to get a hold of me. It's like, God damn it. I'm like, I don't think a Dorsey is necessarily woman name. I think we need to come up with the timeline. Like, when. How many years after knowing somebody that their new name does not count? You still get to use the old school name. Oh, yeah. It's got to be at least 10.
- [13:46]
John Holmberg
You know, somebody.
- [13:47]
Brett Vesley
10 years. I'd even go five. Five if I've been calling you. And we see each other quite a bit, right? Yeah. Yeah. Like, if I don't see you, if I haven't. How about that? If I haven't seen you or talk to you in a year and you come back as a new person. No, I still. I still got to call you the old name. Yeah, I'll go. Yeah, it's just. It's just weird to change your first name. Last name's lady.
- [14:07]
John Holmberg
Girl in fourth grade change her name.
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Brett Vesley
Well, she's not even old enough to be friends with anybody long enough so you can change your name in fourth grade.
- [14:14]
John Holmberg
Yeah, it was fifth grade. Her first name was Paige and she.
- [14:19]
Brett Vesley
Changed it to Nicole just for no reason.
- [14:22]
John Holmberg
Yeah, she just. She didn't like Paige.
- [14:25]
Brett Vesley
She didn't like the name. Fifth grade's fine. You're a mush head loser. You've established nothing in life. Yeah, you can scramble around and change your name in fifth grade. A little weird when you change legal documents like driver's license, you know, whatever. Yeah. No, state. Yeah. Representative is going to come in and say, all right, Paige, we got to change your name. You've got to do this the right way. I'm sure parents had to fill out a paper or two, but oh, yeah, fifth grade doesn't count at all. Adults changing your name as an adult. What are you, 10? In fifth grade. You haven't even been alive long enough.
- [14:53]
John Holmberg
To have to do it before you're 18.
- [14:56]
Brett Vesley
That would be nice if you got. Yeah, you gotta make up your mind. And then again, if you move to a new town, which Dorsey Dean did, you can become Dean in the new town. You're Dorsey in the old town. It's like Mad Men. Yeah. Don Draper was Dick, what's his name in California, and he'd go back home to that town and nobody knew him as Don Draper. They only knew him as Dick, what's his name? And so they'd call him Dick and you'd. At first I thought they were just mean to him in his old hometown. I don't know. My name used to be this. Now it's this. And. And, and worse still, like your neighbor, if you come up with a kick ass nickname for yourself, you can't tell people that's your new name. You can't. It's the Seinfeld episode when George wanted to be called T Bone for no reason. It's just hilarious that anybody would think, you know what? People are gonna like me more if I have a cool name. A muscle mouth. Oh, great.
- [15:51]
John Holmberg
What about Laser?
- [15:52]
Brett Vesley
That's what I'm talking about.
- [15:53]
John Holmberg
Did he come up with that or.
- [15:54]
Brett Vesley
Did you guys come up with that? He introduced himself as Laser. Oh, okay. I didn't know that. All right. Yeah, people call me Laser. No, they don't. No. You're in a new area, you go by a name and you earn the nickname Laser. You don't tell people I'm a laser.
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John Holmberg
No, I do it out of protection. Don't want you to know his name.
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Brett Vesley
Kevin. Nobody named Kevin fires off with laser unless they're in the industry. I invented lasers. Oh, my God. Yeah. This guy is Mr. Laser over here. So I like being called Laser. Why is his name Laser? Does he ever tell you? Do you ever ask?
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John Holmberg
I think it had to do with. Basically when he would do stuff, he just laser focused.
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Brett Vesley
He did it. He gave it to himself. No grown adult goes, wow, you're really focused. I'm going to now start calling you Laser and I'm telling everyone around you to do the same. Laser. Same with your dad. When Torp. You still don't believe that. You did not give him that. You did not.
- [16:52]
John Holmberg
Oh, yeah.
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Brett Vesley
I don't think you can give your parents a nick. I don't. I know for a fact you can't give your parents a nickname and have all of their lifelong friends go with it.
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John Holmberg
If your kids had our card playing nicknames.
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Brett Vesley
Okay. But it doesn't stick with his college buddies and his. And when he did revolution stuff with the Cubans and suddenly the him a kids call me late Torp. Oh, all right. Well, then all of us will do that too, because an 8 year old has decided, no. Your dad was known as Torp because he whipped that miss out and wrecked some broads and they. All of his friends are like, this guy's a Torpedo. He did another one. That's exactly it. And Bunny's not because she wrinkled her nose and you. You. You were living in a dream.
- [17:33]
John Holmberg
Oh, yeah.
- [17:33]
Brett Vesley
If you think you nicknamed your parents and suddenly the whole community was.
- [17:38]
John Holmberg
I never nicknamed Bunny Torp. We gave him a nickname and his.
- [17:41]
Brett Vesley
Friends said, I love it.
- [17:43]
John Holmberg
They didn't call him Torp.
- [17:44]
Brett Vesley
Go with the 8 year olds. When I was there, everyone called him Torpedo.
- [17:48]
John Holmberg
Well, I worked on him after years.
- [17:50]
Brett Vesley
You did not. There was no campaign. Nobody's gonna do that.
- [17:54]
John Holmberg
I don't. The parent friends, I don't think called him Torp all that much. Just the kids.
- [18:01]
Brett Vesley
Brady. When I was there at the country club, Tortbogen. That's all I heard. I didn't know your dad.
- [18:07]
John Holmberg
It hadn't been my friends that were saying that.
- [18:09]
Brett Vesley
Old men, very old men. I do, because I was there and I'm like, I didn't know his name wasn't Torpedo. That was. It was like a year. And I knew. I knew he. I just didn't know. And I said like, everybody calls this guy Torp. It had nothing. You did. Yeah. Torpedo Bogan the Torp. And then, and then, and then his own wife starts calling him Torp.
- [18:31]
John Holmberg
No, she always called him Tom.
- [18:34]
Brett Vesley
Well, when she was in here, she did say Tom every once in a while. But she torped him now and again because she knew he packed that heat down south. He missiled her too, at least three times. Nobody gives it. If all of a sudden I'm like, you know, it's pretty cool. I was at the vet and lady called me Smokehouse. So I'd like you guys to start doing that now. You'd be like, no, asshole idiot. No one's gonna start calling you whatever you choose as your new nickname. It's dumb. You get it because you earn it. That's it. You can't introduce yourself as a nickname. And coming across with a brand new name from somebody you haven't. You know my buddy Craig, who I go to spring training games with, if he all of a sudden just showed up and had like, look, I like to be called Bluey. Why? I just do like. I'm not doing that. That's dumb. Bluey. Oh, that's not a thing. Bluey the Madman. Okay, how about if I just keep calling you Craig since that's your name. They call me Flipper, cuz some kids over at the neighborhood saw me in the. In the pool and said I look like a dolphin and it sticks. So you want the world to change to call you Flipper now? Yeah. That's kick ass. No, it's not, Craig.
- [19:42]
John Holmberg
The funniest one is where they have that nickname they never want anyone to know about. And they go home and they're like, hey, Flipper.
- [19:48]
Brett Vesley
Yeah, well that's because. Well, that's not a nickname. That's somebody making fun of you. Yeah, that's like being nicknamed Face when, hey, look who's here. It's Face like. That's my nickname. No, it's not. That's them being mean to you. Yeah. So Dorsey Dean is going to be Dorsey forever. And that's because he's back here home, where he lives, wherever his new house is over in Texas. And all the things he does over there. He can be Dean all day over there.
- [20:15]
John Holmberg
You have two avatars.
- [20:16]
Brett Vesley
Yeah, he comes home, he goes back to Dorsey. Okay. Avenge Sevenfold. But when they came up with all their shadows. Yeah, M. Shadows. Johnny Christ. Hello. Sinister Gates. Sinister Gates was the one that got me. Yeah, I thought maybe M. Shadows was like Michael Shadows. Yeah, okay. But it's Midnight Shadows and I'm like, oh no, no, no, no, no, no, grown man. I don't go for all that. You earn it. People call you that. And you show up and you just introduced as Slash. That's one thing. Because you were Slash coming in. He wasn't Saul. And then I'm like. But I like to be called Slash. I'm like, no, no, your name is Saul. If I knew you as Saul to begin with, I'm certainly not cranking out Slash anytime soon. That's worse than Boston Chief Slash Hudson. Yeah, yeah, I'm Saul Hudson. I like to be called Slash. I bet you do. Well, shalom, Saul. Why don't you call me by my name? I think I do. I think you're living in a world of delusion. Slash now introduced completely to the world as Slash. And plus, rock bands are a little different. Although that M Shadows and Sinister Gates thing, a little too far. And you're not playing a character like you want people to call you that. That's why rappers make me laugh. It's like, you know, you find out their real names after they get arrested and stuff. And T600, otherwise known as Marvin Davidson. Yeah. Like, oh, geez, come on. It's hilarious. It's like, all right, dmx. I mean, Earl. Yeah. And with nicknames for me, it's like, you can call me whatever you see as my nickname. I'm never gonna introduce my. Hi, I'm Chancellor. You know, arrogant. It would be like, people call me the Chancellor that. The absolute dip Dave Pratt was like, I'm the mayor of nothing, you idiot. Your name is David. People call me that. Right? Let the people call you that. Let them find out. You don't tell them that. I've never seen Katie Hobbs at a gavel, Diego. Or any of the. You know, like, they call meetings to order. It's a judges tool. He's. He's. That's what I'm saying. Judges have gavels. The mayor would go, all right, all right, everybody. And they just do it to bang on something to keep people. He does. They don't adjudicate. He would always do that, too. And pound that gavel. Aight. The mayor is gonna make a ruling like, that's a judge, you dumb. You don't even know what a mayor is, man. He's stupid.
- [22:50]
John Holmberg
Got another gavel.
- [22:53]
Brett Vesley
We had that for a while. I think Larry stole it on his last day. Cause he didn't know it was his last day. He had his note. Larry had his notes for the next show. And his gavel. And he stole it. And then they let him Go. Great stuff. Great story. Another good one. Yesterday I went with Kevin Ray to spring training game.
- [23:12]
John Holmberg
The last one, right?
- [23:14]
Brett Vesley
Well, there's still games, so the last one I'll go to. It's. There's. There's another week. Yeah, there's the next Thursday or Friday is when the season officially starts. Even though there's been two regular season games already in Japan with the Dodgers and Cubs, the spring's going to go on for another few days. So the last one I'll be going to, more than likely. I got no time. So sit down with Kevin yesterday, and we're hanging out and we're at good seats. We're sitting there at the Salt River Fields, enjoying the Oakland days, who aren't the Oakland days anymore. And they're also not the Las Vegas days. That's getting weird. They don't. Haven't paid a penny, and Vegas is starting to go. Do you guys have any money before we start this stadium? Like, sure, sure. Just get it going. Haven't presented anything. So this Las Vegas, Sacramento A's thing.
- [23:53]
John Holmberg
Up in the air.
- [23:54]
Brett Vesley
Oh, it's wildly up in the air. Anyway, so we're sitting there chatting away, you know, solving life's problems. You talk about this, you talk about relationships, you talk about work, you talk about basketball, you talk about baseball. We're talking about everything old man in front of us. So now I always put myself in this category because I was such a huge Al McCoy fan for the Suns that I then realized that Kevin ray is Al McCoy now. Like, he's the voice of the sun. He's the voice of the Suns broadcast. So there I am with the modern day in my mind, Al McCoy. So I always take my time machine back and go, who do I represent? Probably something like, I don't know, Pat McMahon. So it would be as if Pat McMahon and Al McCoy were at a ball game 30 years ago. 30 years ago, 1994, those two are at a spring training game. But 20, 25 here, it's me and Kevin. Good radio finds you. Exactly. I've become that good radio just finds me. Brett and I hang out with the voice of the Suns, Kevin Ray. They call him Ray Gun. No, they don't. Nobody calls him that. Don't do that. That's annoying. Nicknames are dumb. So anyway, we're chatting away, and so I'm in that thing combined age of Kevin and I is 113. Okay? Two of us together are 113 years of experience in life. Okay? You do the math on that. Figure it out. Yourself. Guy in front of us is older, turns around. Now, somebody had spilled the water behind us, so underneath our seat was just a puddle of water. And the old man in front of us turns around and goes, I thought that was only a problem for older men. You young boys shouldn't have that issue. And we start laughing like the two of us have pissed ourselves so violently we flood the air. So I laugh and, you know, whatever. And he's made kind of a crass joke without being too crass. Sits back down. It's. To be honest with you, it's kind of loud at Salt River Fields. They've got a lot of stuff going on. Music's constantly going. So Kevin and I are talking. I can hear him, but it's not like we're loud. But our voices are both carriers. Like, we both have voices. You can. It carries. The old man sits down. Now, keep in mind the old man's probably in his late 70s, early 80s. He's got a wife next to him, doesn't want to be there. They're in that. They're in that category of husband and wife. When he says, do you want to go anywhere blank? Do you want to go blank? Her first question is, when do we go home? Like, she's already wanting out. Like she's already. When you say, do you want to go to the baseball game with me? Where are we going to stay the whole time? So instead of saying, yes, that would be fun. She's already, like, checking out on what time do we get out of here? You can tell this is not a fun outing for them. And they've got a couple other friends. She's playing wordle on her phone, not even watching baseball. He's sitting there dead quiet, stone dead quiet. Makes the you guys pissed yourselves joke and then just sits dead quiet like no life in either of them. And you just look and you're like, is this what it turns into? No wonder all these murder shows exist where spouses kill each other, because this does not represent happiness at all. So Kevin and I are chatting away, and, you know, I can't hear the people behind me because I'm not listening. I can't hear anybody in front of me because I'm not listening. Talking to Kevin ray, the Al McCoy of today, John Holmberg, the Pat McMahon of modern times, sitting next to each other, having a nice conversation like two guys do. Not getting out of hand, not certainly not being vulgar or anything. Occasionally some adult language said something. And I'm like, well, geez, I mean, you know, we're talking about the Sons. And it gets a little. He's a little inspired, obviously, being the voice of the Suns. I too invested in the Suns this year. And I'm like this Buddha, this guy's just driving me crazy. I mean, the lineup, bull bowl, get that guy the in the game. And that's as loud as I said it. There's music going in the background. A couple other times, Kevin's like, yep, I agree. It's just, it's criminal the way he's treated this team. He's been negligent to the roster. Like, I agree, I agree. Quiets down. The old man turns young man. Yeah. Could you tame it down with the F bombs just a little bit? It's getting a little out of hand and I just, from toes to ears, just boil. And I was just. I was just about. I almost went to full Tony Soprano on him and just turned and said, would you mind your own business, you dumb old. Because I'm like, where do you get off thinking you're going to be out in public and the world has to adapt to you? We might have said four. And they weren't like dirty like, oh, man, I was so deep broad the other day. It wasn't. It was just in passing. You're an adult. You're 80. You've heard it. I tell him f himself. And the reason why is because he knew that that miserable shrew was going to ear beat the life out of him all the way home. That's exactly why I don't go out to those things, the language and those you hear.
- [28:56]
John Holmberg
And you didn't say anything.
- [28:57]
Brett Vesley
And he had to turn around and be the lamest dude in the world. And all I wanted to say was, oh, if you could have a conversation with that ugly ass wife of yours, maybe you wouldn't have to turn around and tell people who are enjoying the day to shut up, you piece of dumb old mother. I didn't say that I wanted to.
- [29:17]
John Holmberg
I don't know what you're talking about.
- [29:18]
Brett Vesley
Yeah. Oh, I.
- [29:19]
John Holmberg
But you're saying the F bomb a lot.
- [29:21]
Brett Vesley
Yeah, well, he knew what we were talking about and I think that Myrtle gave him a little elbow like, please make the F words stop. Why? Because you keep writing it in your stupid game. Watch the game. I was never rooted so much for a foul ball to smash into the head of an old person in front of me as I did from that moment on.
- [29:39]
John Holmberg
The same guy that joked about you myself.
- [29:42]
Brett Vesley
Yeah. And then again, 113 years combined. Live life sitting behind this guy. And we're still. Because we both are children at heart. Still have some weird old man sitting in front of us, turning around, going, watch your mouth, young man. Like, are you kidding me? Kevin's 60 years old, for Christ's sake. He can say whatever the f he wants. We weren't whispering it in your ear. Have a conversation with that ugly ass, dried up woman, you non boner having old bastard. We don't have a relationship anymore. We sit and eavesdrop on other people. We tell them we don't like what we hear. Oh, that's the reason I don't ever want to get old. But there I was thinking, I Wonder if Al McCoy and Pat McMahon ever did this. I wonder if McCoy and McMahon ever went to a spring training game. You know, these. These people. These.
- [30:26]
John Holmberg
These people.
- [30:27]
Brett Vesley
You're telling me you Pat, wham, bam, slam.
- [30:32]
John Holmberg
I'll answer that.
- [30:33]
Brett Vesley
No. No. Why not? You don't know that. You don't know that.
- [30:36]
John Holmberg
I know. You do not know well enough that.
- [30:39]
Brett Vesley
You knew him well enough to know that he wouldn't say, he's not a cusser. He's dead. You didn't know Al McCoy well enough to know you knew him as a introductory guy. He. You were never like, you never knew that Al didn't have around him.
- [30:51]
John Holmberg
When there's nothing that was going on. Me, he's just.
- [30:54]
Brett Vesley
He might have kept. You don't want him. You don't like. You don't like thinking, oh, I wouldn't.
- [30:59]
John Holmberg
It wouldn't surprise me because everyone else. I mean, that's an outlet for a lot of announcers. Like, I'm not on the mic. I can talk like, yeah, I. I'm talking.
- [31:08]
Brett Vesley
Yeah. And Brennaman would have been a guy people like I would have never imagined. He even tried to sell us after he screwed up. I don't even use those words. Yes, you do. Al McCoy threw some bombs out. Who's gonna clean this motherf ing kitchen? You know that? I'm so sick of this. I'm gone. Shazam. We're time we put this marriage in the old deep freeze, lest you start me more. The voice of the suns needs a blowjob. You don't know if Al McCoy was a cuss or not. You want him to not be you. Like when old people are pristine. That's a sure.
- [31:45]
John Holmberg
And he's always. Yeah, like you said, probably guarded every time he's out.
- [31:49]
Brett Vesley
You're just. You're making it up the same way I am. One of us is right. Neither of us know, but I like leaning on an adult man going, this is a bunch of bones.
- [31:59]
John Holmberg
And I don't know if it's that the generation a little bit. My dad wasn't a.
- [32:05]
Brett Vesley
That doesn't. That's not generational. Those people swore like crazy. My grandparents said, just not around company. They're re my grandpa's. I had no idea. I thought my grandpa was a angel. I heard him lose his mind in a car once. I didn't. Words I never knew. And then I told my uncle my grandpa said f and s and he called a man something a prick. I don't even know what that is. And s. He goes. And my uncle's like, you were in the car again. He goes, that's dad. I'm like what? He goes, oh, he's got a terrible. He worked in a steel mill his whole life. Of course he said horrible stuff. He just didn't do it because he didn't want the ear beating from his. His wife. Not. Not for the children. My grandfather just go kids, they gotta learn something. They'll pick it up. Don't worry. And it's funny that all the kids from these people who never swore and they were so angelic. All my uncles and answered just foul mouth beasts. Like they heard him. He thought he was quiet about it. Al McCoy swore Pat McMahon. You know, I was with. I was with Duffy the other day and I was giving her the old what for in the back door. I was think all night. Tell me more about that. Holy shazam. And then some old man had to turn and tell Al McCoy and Pat McMahon. You guys want to knock it off with the F bombs. But there I was, the voice of the suns and me. And some old man hated it. And I wanted to punch an old man in the back of the head. Ugh. And I wanted to call Cordell and Cordell for him bringing that miserable, awful pile of carbon mask, functionless awful woman sitting there next to him. And you know, the whole drive over was quiet. The walk up was quiet. Are you gonna have beer? Should I not? Well, I don't like the way it smells now. Have a water, you miserable old. I don't like the way you smell. Plopped down in that seat. He was so anxious to have friends. Turns to us. Looks like you young men had a little problem there. Yep, yep, yep. I thought that would happen.
- [34:03]
John Holmberg
Let's opener.
- [34:04]
Brett Vesley
Hey, no, we haven't pissed ourselves, you old weirdo. Sit down, have fun. We want a beer. Not allowed. Oh, also I'd like to Let you know the 10 or 11 words that we can't hear in public or we get sad.
- [34:17]
John Holmberg
Maybe he had his oh, duels with him.
- [34:19]
Brett Vesley
Yeah, well, I told Kevin could have. He could have had a fake beer. It makes me feel like a man. Even though she emasculated me years ago. I went to the doctor and asked him to pull my prostate out. It was fine. I just never wanted to get a hard on again in case I used it on this thing. I'm thinking about bestiality because dogs are more interesting and better looking. Yeah. Brutal. Brutally miserable. But yeah, he was. And then so I started thinking to myself, oh, he said F bomb. All he said was F bombs. I'm like, I got a couple other in the chamber that aren't F bombs that he's not going to like at all. Because when I start breaking off the C word quite a bit, that lady's hair is going to light on fire. I'm sorry, I didn't know that was going to make you upset. I'll switch out from F bombs to something else. I appreciate that. Anyway. Anyway, Kevin, I met your girlfriend. She seems like she's got a pretty nice on her. You hit that yet? Make them die. Don't want to hear it. Get up and move. We weren't talking about.
- [35:13]
John Holmberg
So what'd you do?
- [35:15]
Brett Vesley
We laughed a little bit because I'm like, we're 113 combined and some old man just told us to keep it down. He was 113, he was on his own. And he's like. And Kevin's like, Kevin automatically goes right to nice Kevin. And he, you know, again, we weren't having this. It wasn't late. It wasn't a rap song. Maybe four bombs. And it was just because we were a little fired up over the suns because they're pissing us off. They're acting like a bunch of babies. See, it did it again. So we start talking. I'm like, are we even hitting it that hard? And he goes, I don't think so. You'd have to try to. And then Kevin points to the old shrewd and he goes, she's been playing that word game. Second she sat down, she broke her phone out and started playing that word game. And he said, and I can see it. Cause the font is massive. Because she's going blind and dying right in front of us. And I'm like, good, I hope the old dies right now. So anyway, we calmed it down. I even touched him and said, oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize we'd done it that much. And then I got in my mind, I'm like, wait a minute. Might be nice to him for that old man.
- [36:21]
John Holmberg
Hear the words you say sometimes. I mean, who talks like that?
- [36:25]
Brett Vesley
98 KUPD Holmberg's Morning Sickness. You want a temperate boys, look, we're not boys. This dude's 60. Can say what he wants. You have. I don't have to adapt to you. It's not like I was. I wasn't talking to you. It would make sense if I was chatting to you or if I was, you know, making. Oh, it made me upset. It would have been worse had we been, like, really loud and we were having a conversation. They were eavesdropping. And it's those moments when you walk away and you start thinking to yourself, I should have just said, hey, mind your own business. You don't have to listen to our conversation. If you two would have any relationship left at all in this dried up mess you call a marriage, maybe you guys would have had your own conversation. You wouldn't have had to listen to mine. So some blue shoes.
- [37:10]
John Holmberg
Get the hell out of here.
- [37:11]
Brett Vesley
Yeah. And then the ghost, Al McCoy came out of cabinet. That's right. You tell him before I. That old lady in the mouth. Yeah. So old people, it's time they got off the planet.
- [37:23]
John Holmberg
Did you end with a little hug at the end? Hey, we're. We're out of here.
- [37:26]
Brett Vesley
No, we stayed.
- [37:27]
John Holmberg
We're gonna beat traffic.
- [37:28]
Brett Vesley
No, we stayed longer than they left. They left in the ninth inning. No, they stayed for the whole thing. They took their. And they picked up their blankets even though it was 81. That's how you know you're done with being human. You brought a blank. You had to bring a. You brought that old corpse that's barely breathing, hasn't serviced you since the Clinton administration. And she's walking out and she's got her blanket. You gotta bring a blanket in. Checking in. But you see them going in to a baseball or basketball game, getting another line. Cause she didn't. A, I guarantee you she's got a purse with too much in it that's too big. B, that blanket's gotta get looked. That's gonna take them a half an hour to get through security. They're horrible. The elderly, miserable.
- [38:08]
John Holmberg
We were at a game yesterday, the two in front of us.
- [38:12]
Brett Vesley
The worst part, Brady, is that it's. She's. You're right. She's got that story. She's getting. It was just terrible. The youth today, 60 and 52 were not the youth of today. You, you don't know what you were. You were, you were in the best position ever.
- [38:25]
John Holmberg
These grown men and they had these.
- [38:28]
Brett Vesley
Big booming voices and all they said was F this and P that and r this and M17. Like, shut up. You've been alive long enough, that shouldn't bother you anymore. But you know why they're bothered by it? God, I hope this is somebody's grandparents and they listen to the show and they came home. We're at the game yesterday. I'll tell you where we were. Section 213, we're right there. So if you had grandparents take a look at their tickets because I know they probably had paper ones and your grandma loves wordle. They were the. They got all uppity about words yesterday and there was down to everybody's grandparents in the valley. Wordle and paper tickets I just described. Did they write a check at the box office too? Subscribe to all of us. You want to temper it with the F bombs a little bit. My wife's kind of a bitch and she's going to yell at me in the car. Now, had he said that, I'd have been like, dude, I'm sorry. I can tell when she sat down, the whole like this aura of C word came floating up. You temper the F words a little bit or I'm gonna hear about it for days. And then she'll never do anything with me again. And then when I say I want to, she's gonna say, well, we don't do anything. I'm kind of forced into this nightmare. I don't want to lose my house at 80. And I'm like, oh, I get it, I'm sorry. And I don't get boners anymore, so I can't really farm it out. So this is it for me. If you guys wouldn't mind not saying F words. We said four.
- [39:42]
John Holmberg
The fifth graders got talked.
- [39:44]
Brett Vesley
Yeah, but that's the thing, and that's the problem I have is that he's like the kids today. Look, how old and miserable are you that a 60 and 52 year old man are the kids of today? Shut up. Oh God, I hope his pacemaker breaks today. Sorry, Reverend, let me get on that real quick.
- [40:03]
John Holmberg
Shut up.
- [40:04]
Brett Vesley
Dear Brady's God, you tried to kill him once and modern science saved him by shoving a pacemaker in his big fat man heart. Could you please have his wife fall out today unexpectedly in the shower that she's got rails in and then when he goes in and sees it his heart explodes and his pacemaker can't save him. Could you let this couple that I met yesterday, Dear Lord of Brady's, go full hackman. Nobody finds him for two weeks. That would be great, too. Thank you, all Jesus. All powerful baby Jesus. Ha ha ha. Lamb of God. Amen. That made me feel better that maybe they didn't wake up today. Maybe the F bombs killed God. That would be worth it if it was on the news and they had a note. They took their lives because they didn't want to be in a world anymore with this much cussing. Yeah.
- [40:51]
John Holmberg
The thing about it is, he's probably up this morning throwing shoes with the boys.
- [40:55]
Brett Vesley
Yeah.
- [40:56]
John Holmberg
And these effing guys in the front. I couldn't believe the nerve to talk like this.
- [41:00]
Brett Vesley
He wasn't upset. He. I. We read him. He had that. He has been charged with making sure all he's doing is protecting his ride home at this point, because he was gonna hear it. The only word she was gonna say to him yesterday. And it's probably the first time they've talked since he said, we're gonna go to the game on Thursday. When do we leave? I'm not staying in that thing all day. You're gonna drink? Is that a yes or a no? You dumb old. I don't want to sit there and listen to kids barking about their genitals the whole time. Do you don't want to go? No. I'll go. Oh, boy. I can't wait. My partner's gonna be so much fun. Nothing worse than asking somebody a question. You want to go do this? When do we leave? It's in, like, three. We haven't even thought about leaving yet. Do we stay after? Who's going? I am. Do you want to go or not? Yes. Like, really? You've shown no signs of wanting to go. And then she said, I'll just play my word game and waste your time so you don't have any fun.
- [42:05]
John Holmberg
Maybe his buddy wanted to go. Right when he said he wanted to go. She's like, I'd like to go.
- [42:09]
Brett Vesley
I don't like when you hang out with Hector. I'll sit next to you like some sort of dark cloud, overlord of the death of fun. I'm where fun goes to die. Fine. And I'd like to sit by you and ruin your day. I've done a good job of that your whole life. And now that we're in your 80s and I realize you can't just give it all away, I'm gonna go ahead and do that. Fine. If anybody says anything I don't like and you don't stand up for me, you're gonna hear it for weeks. Yeah. And you know, he only did it to be nice. He was.
- [42:38]
John Holmberg
He knew.
- [42:39]
Brett Vesley
He's like, oh, man, she's not gonna go. She's not gonna. Don't worry about it. Then all of a sudden, he's on the phone with his buddy. Don't want Kevin. Don't worry about it. She's not going. But I do have to ask her. I'm gonna hear about it. I. Look, I. I spend every single waking second of the day trying to avoid hearing about stuff here. He's out on the phone. It's hectic. Don't worry about it. Anyway, so Thursday. I'll meet you there, 1245. Don't bring a blanket. That annoys the absolute crap out of me. No, I know. You're a man. I know. I'm just saying don't bring a blanket. It's. It's a trigger for me. What are you doing? Are you an actor? Making plans? How come you never go anywhere with me? And I don't know, maybe it's because you're where fun goes to die.
- [43:15]
John Holmberg
Go.
- [43:16]
Brett Vesley
Ah. I'm going to that game. I'll be God damned if you and Hector are gonna have a nice time while we're checking off the earth. Oh, great.
- [43:25]
John Holmberg
Email the ticket back.
- [43:27]
Brett Vesley
I'm sorry I didn't. Go. Go ask your son how to email that ticket pack. I don't even know what's a Ticketmaster.com.
- [43:35]
John Holmberg
I. I can't drive over here and.
- [43:37]
Brett Vesley
Give me that paper ticket. Yeah, print it out and bring it over. No, no. Ask you some. Print. It's a. I think it's a C. A C or a P? You hit both of them? No, that's my wife. But beside the point. It was pretty great, though. But what would I always think that Kevin, I told him. What would Al McCoy have done? Hey, you. We're letting off some steam. That's right. Me and. Me and Al McCoy are letting off steam. Go yourself if you can still get hard, you old waste. Yeah, you tell him. Patience McMahon.
- [44:11]
John Holmberg
Shazam.
- [44:12]
Brett Vesley
Shazam. Hey, look at my middle finger before it disappears in your wife. Go yourself.
- [44:19]
John Holmberg
What a mouth.
- [44:21]
Brett Vesley
Hey, look, she's the last one with dentures. Let's pop those out and give that a run. I hope that old. I hope they're dead. I hope they're dead. And I hope there's a note that yesterday was just too much too Many s bombs they heard four too many. Or I hope he went home and killed her because the ride home was so miserable and they're cussing and it's just not fun.
- [44:45]
John Holmberg
The games have changed.
- [44:47]
Brett Vesley
That's it. I'm killing her today. And then there's an old man in cuffs. I hope on the news, I hope our. Our friend Troy Hayden from Channel 12 calls goes to see this perp walk this old man. It's like if it wasn't for those youth at that baseball game, she'd still be here. So I want to thank them for pushing me over the edge and getting rid of that bitch. Finally. All that guy thinks about every single waking second of the day is no matter what I do, I lose the house. I could kill her. I'm going to jail. I can leave her. I gotta move. I'm 80 years old. I'm not really gonna do that. He just thinks about death all day, either his or hers. You know why? You know why? He looks at death all day. He watches death walk around the house just barking at him all day. Hold on, Hector. Heck, I can't. I can't. I can't talk right now. Are you on that phone again? I don't even know how the phone works. Hector, I gotta call you back. Yeah, I know. She's on to us. She thinks we're gonna have fun somewhere and she wants to stop it before she even finds out what it is. You were that friend of yours from work. I thought you retired because you didn't want to be around them anymore. We're supposed to go on cruises. That's his favorite word. Meh. Are you watching television? Listen to the. My goodness, is that a Quentin Tarantio movie? It's terrifying. Turn it off. But I was enjoying it. No, nobody can enjoy that, especially you. I don't want to be married to a man who thinks that's entertainment. I used to kill Vietnamese people like it was nothing. For some reason, killing hers so hard, I'm gonna play wordle and sit one inch from you. Anyway, to that old man, you are a cautionary tale. You're a saint that if you don't kill your wife before 80, it's just a. It's gonna be a nightmare the last few years on the planet. He's a saint. I think that's why Kevin and I kind of were like, all right, sorry about that. If she'd have turned around both barrels. Yeah, barrels. You shut up, old lady. I don't like words. You're playing wordle. You Love words. Here's five new ones. Liquor. That one. Ooh, that's the. Whoops. That was an N bomb. I'm sure you know that one. Old lady. You used it all through your youth trying to keep people out of schools. Racist old hog. Anywho, that was my story for yesterday, and I do like to think of it in sepia tones with McMahon and McCoy having the exact same day 30 years ago would have been awesome, because 30 years ago, McCoy was 60, McMahon was probably 104, but I'll put him in my category at 52. Yeah, I think Kevin's 61, actually. That's where 113 years combined life and we got told to shut up like two teenagers. God, I want to run into them again and punch that old lady square in the mouth. Knock her wordle right out of her hand. My wordle? I don't know. They had wordle for jitterbugs. Oh, that's. I'm telling you, when Kevin pointed her out, I looked over. I looked over her shoulder. The font on this thing was a billboard. It was just one letter at a time. She had to scroll by like it was one of those news feeds that goes across the screen. I got another seven. Wordle. Wordle. I guessed it. Sweet relief of death, please come for me. Let's get a wake up song. While we all, as a city, maybe if we put the combined power of putting it out, manifesting. Kids like to say that manifested into the earth today, that these old people's hearts stop after they write a note about yesterday. So we know it was Kevin and I that killed him. The voice of the suns and his vulgar friend made us kill ourselves. Kevin be like, oh, boy, I'm in trouble. Yeah, you are. Nobody cares when I do it. Give us a Wake up song. 585-9800. A good one, and we'll scream it together. It's 98 KUPD. Wake Up.
- [48:49]
John Holmberg
It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fee.
- [48:53]
Brett Vesley
I have heard enough of this morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil. Sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. Thank you very much. Miles to Nowhere. That's our theme song, you know. Thank you, ladies. Katie and the Hobbs and the guy. There's a guy in that band, too. Keeping time, keeping it together. Emails are flying in about the old. The old people. I love it. This guy says John. I like when it says That I like. My name's on the top there. And then the next word is dude. This is two. Greetings, John. Dude, you have smashed a nerve with me. My wife and I argue about what you're talking about all the time. When I say the words, want to go to a game on Tuesday? She never says yes. She starts usually with the question with who? And I'll say, well, me, who else? I guess it's not enough for me to go. And I'll say something like I did a couple weeks ago. Maybe Jeff and his new girlfriend. Are we going to stay out after? How about you just say, yeah, that sounds fun. Or yes or no? Just an answer. We got into this massive argument about two weeks ago. Same reason. Giant spring training game. She just wouldn't say she wanted to go. Wasn't going to be fun. Thanks for being relatable and probably pushing me over the divorce. Cliff. Jason, don't do that. Jason. And it's not just women. We do it too. We just think we're more justified because it's like they and women usually do it with. It's not a question. Do you want to go? Don't forget, we've got dinner with Kelly and Nick this week. That prick. In a guy's mind, the first thing you think of is, which one's Kelly. You've met Kelly a hundred times. You want the great cans. That's what we're thinking. I know. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Kelly, what are we doing again? We've got dinner. Where? Their house.
- [50:53]
John Holmberg
We talked about this.
- [50:56]
Brett Vesley
Who else is gonna be. We do it too. Who else is gonna be there? Oh, they have their neighbors in front of. Ah. Are we staying all night? And as a man, usually we're the smart ones ago. What's our excuse? To get the hell out of this.
- [51:10]
John Holmberg
Yeah.
- [51:11]
Brett Vesley
Planning our escape before we arrive. Yeah, that's different. That's teamwork. Yes. That's nobody wanting to go. But it's not just women. Although they're worse about it. As far as, like, just not saying, oh, yuck. Can you imagine? Have I ever asked you, Brett? I'm like, hey, Brett, you want to go to a game with me tomorrow? With who? What? Well, how long are we gonna stay? I'm like, never mind. I'm not asking you to do anything with me anymore. Brady. You wanna go over to Mongolian barbecue? Who else will be there? Like, what are you. Why do you answer that way? What is it? What a dick move. Wives. You do that a lot. Guys, we just act like we don't want to go and it shows. We need to be quicker with this. Absolutely not. I just don't want to go. Yeah, that is true. It's more honest. I don't. I don't like Kelly and Nick. Why? What did they ever do to you? She's my friend. You don't like her. All you do is talk about how much you don't like her. I don't understand this. That's your problem, not mine. That's what women always do. They talk about the women they don't want and then you hang out with them. Hey, Brett, you want to go see a game today? How long do we plan on sitting there? Like, all right, I'll ask somebody else. If you did it with a friend, it would be the worst. And also, people want me to reenact conversations they've written for Al and Pat at the ball game. Want some peanuts? Get your hand in that bag and grab my nuts. Al McCoy. I mean, Pat McMahon. Let me get my hand in that big old bag of yours alone and pull out a couple nuts. This is great. We're having a great time. Hey, have you ever had anal sex with a lady? Of course. But tell me in great detail what it's like for you. Anyway, I whip out my big one and you know, I'm packing. Oh, boy, do I. Legend. So I take the old McCoy deep freeze and I slam it in there and I mean, I'm a machine. A machine. That's why we call you that. The Machine. Anyway, let me finish, so. And that's what she said anyway.
- [53:21]
John Holmberg
The nicknames you never knew existed.
- [53:23]
Brett Vesley
I'm reaching around, hitting the old speed bag with my hand while the back door is just pounding away. She's screaming and crying, please stop. And I don't listen. Go on. I'm getting half hard. Could you guys please stop using. Shut up. McCoy's in the middle of a story. Shazam. Right in her eye. Yeah, that's. I would like. I would very much like that to be real. It's what? Kevin and I weren't having that conversation. We weren't. We weren't being awful.
- [53:56]
John Holmberg
Although you should have been.
- [53:57]
Brett Vesley
But then, boy, did we want to. And you could sense it. Like we just. Man, did we want to. No question we wanted to do it, but we didn't. It would have been nicer if we had. So I'm reading this story about Brett. Found it yesterday. This Indiana teacher that started to have scream gang bangs with her students. She had 13 year old kids. Now a lot of the Times we'll sit and say, oh, this the teacher. Depending on how she looks like she's doing these kids like the greatest favor of all time. The pictures are, this is a rape. This is bad. These kids are scarred. But this one's on the parents. The one picture looked good, right? That's what I, that was why I first clicked on. I'm like, all right, nice. And I'm like, whoa. Yeah, the comments are hilarious because the story is not good, it's bad. And then you go through. So basically she was a teacher. She would take these kids and say, and, and she'd drive around, buy them hundreds of dollars worth of clothing and shoes and, and then like get them like, you know, like this. She's the coolest person ever. Then she called their parents and said, can they stay all night? Right there, that's on the parents. Whatever happens next is mom and dad. That's. It's no longer. They're in on it. That's. That's a culpability of, yeah, you're as guilty as she is for saying, sure. Why wouldn't my 13 year old boy stay at his teacher's house all night long after he gets all these free presents from her all day, like there's red flag after red flag after red flag. And then you say, yes. So she gives them magic mushrooms doses the kids with mushrooms, and then makes them wear scream masks and they have sex for hours, according to the report. And the kid comes home like, poof, little dizzy. What a slumber party, man. I have. She is a teacher, to be sure. I am learning like never before. But yeah, it's all parents. No teacher should ever call somebody and says, hey, we're having a little trouble with long division, if you know what I mean. I'm gonna need your kid to stay all night. As a parent, a decent parent, you're like, no way.
- [56:06]
John Holmberg
Now that's a good teacher.
- [56:08]
Brett Vesley
You hate your kid. You don't like your child at all. If an adult says, can they stay the night? You're like, yup. You want that kid to get trafficked for something terrible to happen. You imagine your parents. Brett. Mr. Zabrowski said Brett's having a little trouble with dangling part of. And I want to help him with that. So he's going to spend the night tonight. Kirk wouldn't go over there and just beat the living crap out of that guy. Think my son's a twink. Yeah, that would have been his reaction. Hell's a dangling partisan. Oh, you're having trouble. You want to spend the night? No. You think I'm a drink. Dan wouldn't have had that. No, Marcy would have called my dad. You gotta go kill someone, Dan. Again.
- [56:55]
John Holmberg
What is it?
- [56:57]
Brett Vesley
Well, one of John's teachers has called and says he should spend the night and do some math there. What'd she look like? That's not important.
- [57:07]
John Holmberg
Mr. Craig says.
- [57:09]
Brett Vesley
Oh, Christ. What's he look like, Dan? Ah, the boy's gonna go over there and get chocolate sundaed by his teacher. All right, I'll put a stop to it. Yeah, the second, the second you as a parent give a thumbs up to the all nighter for your 13 year old at an adult's house, whatever happens next is your fault. Oh yeah. You know, it still shouldn't be a thing. That lady's gotta go to jail. But so should the parents.
- [57:35]
John Holmberg
I mean, even at that age, like at 13 or 14, like there's six of us going over to a teacher's house.
- [57:41]
Brett Vesley
It's boys. You just don't go to their house.
- [57:44]
John Holmberg
First of all, I'm not setting the boys over there. Even though it's like no one of.
- [57:48]
Brett Vesley
Them'S gonna have an idea. I coached a 13 year old boys basketball team with my, my friend. His nephew was on the team and their coach quit and my buddy's like, I can't know what I'm doing. I'm like, I don't either, but I, I watch enough. I think we can fake our way through a 13 year old boys league. I learned what a rainbow party is from the kids. Like, how come you guys are wearing. And I, you know, it was, it was the year 2000, so it was a little different time. So I'm like, how come you guys are wearing all these gay wristbands? You know, you could say that back then. What are you talking about? I'm like, it's gay ass wristbands. You all have these wristbands. Then they'd start laughing. And one had blue, yellow and red on his end. Well, because you heard of a rainbow party. And I'm like, yeah, but I hadn't. Of course I don't. I'm an adult. Of course I've heard of it. Now you tell me what you think it is. Oh, it's when a girl goes and kisses you here. I'm like, what? And she wears a certain lipstick and then gives you the band of that lipstick until you get all the colors of the rainbow. Give me this girl's number immediately. I need to talk to her and her parents. I'M gonna have a slumber party. I think if Brittany Zamora called up. Kurt Vestige. Yeah.
- [58:52]
John Holmberg
All right, go ahead.
- [58:53]
Brett Vesley
You know, he does need some special tutoring, right? Wrong or otherwise. But if Brittany Zamora was my teacher and. Hi, Mr. Homburg. It's Brittany Zamora. You're son's teacher. I think he needs to do a all nighter at my house. I've been thinking that the whole time. So glad you called. You're a really good teacher. Now, I think there's gonna need to be a little parental supervision of this all night. You understand my concern? Oh, of course you can be there. Yeah, yeah. Is that weirdo husband of yours gonna be around or. No, he works all night. Good, good, good. We're gonna need to clear out some space. Should I bring my Visqueen for when I got a mule deer? Why? Oh, baby, it's gonna rain. The boy's been pent up his whole life. I don't think he's ever tugged one out. You don't be there for the first unload. What? I know what's going on here, lady, don't ask.
- [59:43]
John Holmberg
Yeah, you work on him. He's a little light in the loaf.
- [59:46]
Brett Vesley
Yeah, I think you can switch it out. I think you can fix the boy. Mr. Craig's like, I want to take him on a bicycle ride. And he'll ride on the hand of get over here. My boy's not like that. But yeah. The second you say yes as a parent to a teacher overnighter, expect the news to break. They wore scream masks and had a gang bang on mushrooms. That doesn't. I'm not even a little surprised. A teacher with the guts to call parents and go, can they stay all night? They've got drugs and masks.
- [60:16]
John Holmberg
Looking at some of those pictures, I'd.
- [60:18]
Brett Vesley
Wish she wore the scream mask. Yeah, that's what the first comment was in the TMZ thing was she should have been wearing the mask like nobody cares about. Again, I firmly believe that. Yes, it can cause some mental damage. The mushrooms are really. That's right. Out. But I do think it happened more.
- [60:33]
John Holmberg
I mean, the one to the 14 year old said that it happened a couple times. So he got out. Hey, she gives. Yeah, shrooms. Guys want to go?
- [60:41]
Brett Vesley
Also, tons of gifts like the grooming. The parents don't notice that you got it. Again, I blame the parents. Here you get a teacher handing one present to your kid. Like, did everybody get one? No, just you. Okay, I gotta go have a talk with this person that's grooming hundreds of dollars of clothes and shoes and stuff. And then slumber parties. Yep. You're lucky they're still in the city. She give them to her Ms. 13 friends and those kids would be in some chic's boat in a couple of weeks.
- [61:17]
John Holmberg
Hear the words you say sometimes. I mean, who talks like that?
- [61:20]
Brett Vesley
98 KUPD, Holmberg's Morning Sickness. That's on the Parents 100. This. This weirdo was destined to get caught doing something. But they helped. I think they gotta go. You know, one's gotta at least stand trial at some point. If I was on a jury and they're like, the parents are crying. Okay, but then we said yes to the slumber party. I'd be like, you did. I'm a degen and I know not to do that. Come on. We want to stay over at Mrs. Johnson's house. Is that right? Mom, why do you want to stay there so bad? All the mushrooms, the kick ass Hollywood masks, the sex. Why not?
- [62:04]
John Holmberg
Sounds like a good party. It was Indiana, so.
- [62:07]
Brett Vesley
Well, in Indiana, it's the only thing that's missing from the story because it's Indiana is that they were related to her. Otherwise of course there's drugs in the house. But that just tells me about the parents house. There's drugs in their house too. And also they're looking for a night out so they can do mushrooms and have crazy sex at their house and scream masks.
- [62:26]
John Holmberg
But they spend so much time together already in the schoolhouse.
- [62:30]
Brett Vesley
They're there all day in the school K through 12. Even though why are we even going to 12? No, these kids are going to make it that long. They're all going to be dead of meth by it should be K through question mark. Like they're all dead before they graduate. It's Indiana. And if they're not dead physically, they're dead socially by the time they're 18. Nobody's popping out of those cities in Indiana. I'd rather be married to that old lady at their game yesterday than live in Indiana again. E uck. So yeah, I'm looking at that story and I'm kind of like, huh, mom and dad, you got some questions to answer? This lady's going to jail. There's no question about it. Rightfully so. That's an easy one. But we need to look deeper into like the other ones. Can't really necessarily say that you were. And if you're crying and stuff about it, those are some crocodile tears. You never watch Dateline, that Dateline is just a. It's a red flag machine. It teaches you all the red flags of, like, when you're about to get killed or, you know, when your wife, who didn't want a hot tub for years, wants a hot tub. You're going to die in that hot tub. She's going. I know that for sure. Every single time the wife gets involved, like, suddenly she wants to go hunting. You're going to die. She can make it look like an accident. And the wives get away with that for years on end and then usually spill the beans in a letter to somebody. That's. The men are just reactionary. We just. They just kill them and try to walk away like it didn't happen. The mistake men make on those Dateline shows is they date too soon afterwards. That's the biggest. That's the biggest goof. They have a girlfriend at a press conference about their missing wife. Who's this? Oh, she's just helping me through this. All right, where's the body, Dave? Huh? I know what you're talking about. I'm all broke up about it, and I needed some companionship. And my son's teacher did slumber party, so I invited her over. Her name's Brittany. Yeah, I think curtain Dan would have been pretty much okay with. Oh, yeah. Slumber parties with a teacher that looked all right. Now. He would have been like, he could stay till 2, but I'm gonna, I'm coming in. And also, knowing my dad, if he would, had to drop me off at Mrs. Zamora's house. My dad started to do something. I noticed a little later when my sister's friends would come over and my sister's friends. It was a white snake video at our house a lot. They were some ridiculously pretty women. My dad would go lift weights. I, I. It was the funniest thing in the world. My dad be like, ah. And my sister's getting. Where are you going? Oh, Lisa and her friends are coming over. Lisa? Lisa. Which one's Lisa? Dark hairs. She sells vacuums. Oh, Jesus Christ. My dad would hop off the couch and just start doing curls. Like, he'd puff up for him. I never really understood that. I'm like, oil up. He'd go put a, like a tank top on. His arms were huge. And he'd come out of the bed and be like, yeah. I'm like, you just worked out real fast. Yeah, I did. What time's that lady getting here? Like, I don't know. I got time for another set, but made me get in shape. Go back in his room and Just start hitting that curl bar. And his arms would just swell up like canned hams. He puffed up big. Oh, hey. Didn't know you guys were coming over. And I'm like, yes, you did. Shut up, boy. Hi, Lisa. Hi, John. You're so cute. You're gonna be cute someday. Boy, was she wrong. And then they go swimming and my dad would curl stuff, and then he'd go out in the backyard and do yard work, which he never did, by the way. That was all my job. But when my sister's friends came over, suddenly he had, you know, hankering to trim roses down here. Doing a little light gardening. Hope you ladies don't mind. Your dad's huge. All right, they're noticing now. If I trim some roses, my mom's looking out the window like, what the hell's he. Oh, Christ. Are the girls by the pool? Is he doing fake gardening and trimmed up some roses for you, Marcy. No, you didn't. That's a good move, though. He had friends from work come over once and he ran in there and started lifting weights. What? I couldn't figure it out. The guy. Yeah, I forget their names. Like Ron and Dave and Jeff. They're popping by for a little bit. I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, we're gonna head out. He would get up, like right before they got there, and he'd look at his watch and he'd get going to get off this big maroon couch we had and then just hear like, Jesus Christ, how much is on this? Like, he's breathing, lifting huge. Just sets of curls and triceps. Arms would come out just like a hot air balloon in Macy's Day. And then the doorbell would ring and it comes. Howard and Ron and all the guys. And then. Oh, I see. So he just kept dumbbells around when people showed it for. People showed up or did he actually use them? Oh, he used him every day. Oh, okay. All right. He's huge. And. But then you'd see, like, Howard's got a girlfriend and she. He brought her over and they were all, oh, I see what's going on. You just swollen up. My dad had full on barbell and curl bar at the end of their bed and he'd kind of stuff it under the bed a little bit. And then he, like, because he's in construction, he'd take those things, those orange little tabs you put on the end of rebar so people smash into it and he put it at the end of the. I swear to God, my mom probably started doing it on purpose every day. Oh, God damn it. She'd kick one of the edges. Oh, slice her ankle. We've got to get these weights out of here. And then I realized years later, the weights didn't represent her ankle pain. There's a lot of emotional pain in those weights. Because anytime a pretty lady came over, he was pounding him, weights were going up, he was going through a thing, you know, mid-40s, feeling a little terrible about himself, probably. One thing I got going for me is I've got giant canned ham arms. People will notice. He's way over that now, but that was. That was. There was a stretch there. And as an.
- [68:37]
John Holmberg
I know he probably still pumps.
- [68:38]
Brett Vesley
He lives a little bit, but he doesn't. He's not like. It was. It was getting. When he started getting huge, it got weird because it was fast. It wasn't like steroid huge, either. He was doing too much of just one thing, but he liked his arms a lot. They got huge. And so. And then, you know, he started to get to be a big guy, and I think he started to fall in love with that idea because people would notice. It was. He was at it a lot. I mean, you know, the reason. Here's the thing. Here's the fastest way to get in great shape. Curve out on your daughter's friends. Because, I mean, he was working out three or four times a day. All those girls would come over two, three times a week. He's Jesus Christ. I did arms yesterday, and they're coming back again today. I don't think I got it. His arms were swelling up because every time Lisa came over, he had to start lifting. Never did anything with him. He just wanted to. He just wanted to hear it. Your dad's arms are massive, huh? Yeah. Eating wheat germ. What? That's all I eat is wheat germ. No, that's not true.
- [69:34]
John Holmberg
They leave.
- [69:36]
Brett Vesley
God damn it. Who would been at this swill? Marcy, what's for dinner? Wheat germ, asshole. Nobody likes wheat germ. We had wheat germ in our refrigerator door, like, hundreds of jars of it. And I'm like, who eats this? I have a spoonful of that every morning. And then when I come home before dinner, like before, you just crush all the pizza. Like, you eat all of it. Well, I have wheat germ, and the wheat germ was for guests, really only. And it wasn't. We gave them to guests when we had guests. My dad ate wheat germ in front of him. Like he was a. He's a wheat germ. Yum. Yum. Spoonfuls of it. Then when they'd leave, he'd be like, any chicken wings? You wanna get some wings? Yeah, I wanna get some wings. That sounds great. He lifted a lot of. My dad might have the world record for curls. Cause he used to do curls for the girls. He did it. Well, it was for the girls. All right. The gun show. The sun's out, the guns are out. But I couldn't blame him. I started to do it a little bit, but I couldn't lift anything he had in his room. You should lift weights. I'm like, dad, everything you've got in here is like a zillion pounds. Well, you can take them off. I can't lift the weights. You don't understand. Like, what you have on there is too heavy. Not the bar. So we bought me a curl bar. And I would do it every once with my sister's friends would come by. We didn't have the same results because I wasn't eating anything. She got the cute. Yeah. Oh, you're gonna be someday. You're gonna be adorable. Oh, it happened again yesterday at the ball game. Again a couple weeks ago. The lady that called me ugly yesterday. I'm sitting there waiting for my Waymo. And boy, oh, boy, is that a system over there at Salt River Fields. So I'm sitting there waiting for the waymothers, 30 people hanging around. There's this gaggle of probably people in their early 20s. And I will admit I don't know how to wear socks. I don't know proper sock protocol anymore. Everything looks funny on me. Baby socks make me look like I'm a thousand. Crew socks make me look like I'm a thousand. Like, every sock I put on looks like it's wrong. So I just had a pair of, like, ankle socks. I'm like, this looks all right. I looked in the mirror for a left. I'm like, hey, I think I got the socks right today. Shorts, ankle socks, regular shoes, T shirt, no big deal. Sitting there waiting for the Waymo. And I hear the guy with these three girls, none of them were attracted enough to have this conversation. And he's like, what are you talking about? That's the first thing I hear. What are you talking about? I wear ankle socks. It's no big deal. And then she goes, me, me, me, me, me, me. He goes, well, that guy's wearing ankle socks. And that guy's wearing ankle socks. And that guy's wearing ankle socks. And then she looks at me and she goes, they're all old and weird. I'm just sitting here, right here, minding my own. Had a rough day. And again she was like 19. So yeah, I'm old and weird to her. But so what you don't. She still don't say that. You need to call Katrina after that ball game yesterday. I know it's pretty brutal, but ironically I left the house feeling good about my sock game and I've never been punched in the socks before yesterday. After I'm like, yeah, the socks look alright. I've been, I've been self choice, throw them away. No, the socks. It's not the socks fault. It was the choice of sock. Like today I have the invisible socks.
- [72:38]
John Holmberg
Yeah.
- [72:39]
Brett Vesley
And I'm like, that looks funny. When I left, I'm like, I look funny in these.
- [72:42]
John Holmberg
I can't wear them.
- [72:43]
Brett Vesley
I don't know how to wear socks. But then I'm. The one day I look in the mirror and I'm like, the socks don't make me look like a mailman. I look all right. The socks are working. I don't have to think about that.
- [72:53]
John Holmberg
And then that's where next time, you know, if you're waiting like that time, you're waiting there for your waymo. And she says that comment, that's where you just drop down and just start doing push ups.
- [73:03]
Brett Vesley
Look at me. Watch this. Well, the weird part's kind of kicking in. You had your dumbbells, man. You'd be right. And watch me do some calf raises. They got wheat germ at the snack bar. What you understand, lady, that I can't have regular socks because my ankles are so strong. All I do is eat wheat German. It's just, it was just so strange. Oh, the one day I felt like socks got socks right today. John. Good job in the waymo. Looking at them on the way in. Socks are working. I'm bad at socks. And she said, yeah, but they're all weird and old. I'm like, what? So these socks aren't right? So evidently. So I googled it and evidently young people are all crew. Socks, socks, they're big into like pulling. I think that looks crazy. I don't know. I don't know what socks. I don't know what socks are anymore. And that guy said Rex was right. Rex says, you ever think it's maybe just you that looks a thousand. No, you're right 100% that that's it. But I'm not talking about my face. If you just took a picture from the knees down and said it's. It's the socks, they make me look like a mailman or a city, like inspector or something. It's weird. And again, the colors. I don't know when black socks work and what. I don't get it. So I just wear crew socks up.
- [74:17]
John Holmberg
Above, you know, like right the calf kind of. Or right above. Mine's wearing compression socks.
- [74:23]
Brett Vesley
Yeah. Look like you gotta the hospital.
- [74:24]
John Holmberg
Yeah.
- [74:25]
Brett Vesley
And I. By the way, it's not an age thing. I think everybody who wears those looks crazy. Yeah. I see young people in socks pulled up to their calves. I'm like, just had some sort of procedure. I don't get it. I'm bad. I'll go back to the tube socks with the stripes. I'm thinking maybe that's what I got. And then I realized I've never been good at socks. When I was a kid, I used to pull them up past my knees. Didn't matter what the color was.
- [74:47]
John Holmberg
Depends on what we were doing. I mean, like baseball, you'd never wear. You'd always wear them up higher because you're right.
- [74:53]
Brett Vesley
Stirrups. Yeah, Stirrups are the greatest. Yeah.
- [74:58]
John Holmberg
Tennis and golf are always kind of.
- [74:59]
Brett Vesley
Lower and don't know. Well, that's activity socks. You don't care about how you look in that. You know, you're out and about in shorts and stuff. I look around like I don't know how my socks work. I don't know. I haven't been. I haven't good at it in a long time. He said, did you call the girl who said the thing about your socks, a face like you should have the girl who said you were ugly? No, I just think those things. I wish I had the courage to go, hey, face, I can hear you, by the way. You're not hot enough to talk about other people's socks. You get your own work to do. And she was trying to be quiet, but I think she just didn't realize it. She was louder than she thought. And she had every right to feel that way. How'd she look? Yeah, she got room to talk. Her big problem in life, and I can tell you just from experience, her big problem in life is that she's probably 20 and never developed. So she's just mad she's gonna have two of those weird implants. She'll get a guy to like her and put those weird implants that look like two baseballs stuffed under chicken skin. Because she doesn't. She had no boobs at all. And I'm like. And that's what guys think. Whenever you Hear something like, that's a chick I wouldn't nail anyway. So I don't care what she thinks of my socks. She's ugly. If she was really good looking, it would have hurt. But they're all old and weird. And the guy next to me, he's like a few feet down because we did the proper distance on the bench. He looks at me like I heard it. I have a sock issue as well, kids. If he'd have said that, it would have been like, oh God, these kids today. Sock rules. But then I started looking around and I noticed that a lot of the guys had sock issues too. So it made me feel better. I'm like, none of these socks. Look, I just don't think I like socks. I think that's the bigger thing. I don't think any of them ever look right. They all make you look funny. Like Beavis and Butt had kind of ruined shorts and socks for me because every time I have a pair of shorts on and I have socks I like, I look like Butt. Butthead. I'm walking around with his outfit on. I might as well just have the Metallica shirt. But anyway, what are you gonna do? The world is collapsing around us and maybe I will get old enough someday to start just saying. Shut up, face. Hey, I heard you. You need a set of better start working on some personality so a guy buys you cans because otherwise life's gonna be rough. Have you seen the Internet? Girls like you don't make it. What are you talking about? Nobody wants to see your 12 year old boy chest. Maybe that teacher in Indiana, but not anybody else. Why is he so mean? The man in the weird socks. Yeah, that's you. Put this mask on. Walk the other way. What do you got on the big board of music? Wake up. Song time. And of course it is brought to you by Action Ride Shop with two valley locations now, brand new one right there on Power Road and McDowell for all your biking needs over there at the Haws Trail. And of course the OG right there on Gilbert Road and Southern. Action Ride Shop's gonna take care of you guys. Go to actionrideshop.com follow them on all the socials or just go visit. Josh and the boys are gonna take care of you. By the way, I just got an email and said hey, my grandma said she was at a game yesterday playing Wordle and she used the the word that rhymes with beef and starts with a Q and scored a thousand points. That might have been us. Oh, congratulate. Helped her with a new word so, John, next time any old people tell you that, you know they've got a problem with what you're saying, just pull out your AARP card and tell them it's okay. We're all friends here. That's true. I could have broke out. It's in my. Right here, my membership card. Brett, it's good stuff. Broke down $40 a month on my phone bill. Sign up for that. Worth it just for living a certain amount of time. That's phenomenal. I don't know why old people are so mad all the time. You get these kind of deals. All right, on the list. Ugly kid Joe, I hate everything about you.
- [79:04]
John Holmberg
For the old people.
- [79:04]
Brett Vesley
Angel of Death. For the old people. From Slayer, Sod, Kill Yourself for the old people. All these apply. Velvet revolver, Lamb of God Corn, Anthrax, Indians for the nhra Going on this weekend, Firebird, Bloodhound Gang, Hate Breed, Raw, ac, dc, kmfdm, Van Halen, and Slip Cannot. I do like Kill Yourself by sod for the old people. I also like angel of Death. We don't do a lot of Slayer angel of Death. Okay, I think we'll throw that in there for those elderly people today. Hopefully they meet the angel of Death. Right? Get off our planet. So it's a little more fun. Am I. Am I rooting for it to hurt a little? I don't want it to be one of those peaceful, just in your sleep moments. I want his last words to be the F word because it bothered him so much in the first place. That's a good angel of Death. Swoop down on these old folks, make them disappear, and hopefully it's a wordle that she's halfway through when she drops and they find her phone because, oh, she was almost spelled out Susquet Centennial. She was gonna. She's gonna be the all time champion. It's too bad she. She died doing what she loved, but she never got to finish. What's all this wheat churn doing in the fridge? This guy's clearly not eating wheat germ. Do they even sell wheat germ anymore the way they used to in that jar? Oh, my dad.
- [80:30]
John Holmberg
I don't know.
- [80:30]
Brett Vesley
My dad's other thing, when he started going through the I'm gonna be huge, he made it so no one could open anything in the house. I watch him shut jars grimacing. There we go. And he'd put it back, and after a while you realize he doesn't want any of us to eat. If he liked it, he would jar it up to the point where you couldn't get in there. And my mom would probably worked on his arms. I think it might have had something to do with it. It was like. And he had that squeezy, that plastic squeezy thing with the ring. And he'd squeeze that and his wrist and his hand strength was so strong. It was all just to shut jars to keep us out of food. Dude, you got cereal in the fridge. I'm like, what? There's a box in there. I saw it like, okay, I want some of these pickles. Well, if you can't open the jar, you can't have pickles. Eat the Captain Crunch. And we'd. My mom bought all those rubber. Like there were those little circles that go over to help you get the lids on. It would take three of us. He was surprised the jars didn't blow up in his hands. Everything was just ridiculously tight. And it was so he could. Would my mom be like, I gotta. I can't get into the ketchup. Dan, let me get that. And he'd struggle a little. He'd over tighten it himself. There you go. Gotta keep it fresh. My mom bought one of those vice things, was metal and it had a little thing on the side you can make it big around. And then you tighten it up around the jar top. And it had a.
- [81:53]
John Holmberg
Like getting off the oil filter.
- [81:55]
Brett Vesley
Yeah, that's exactly what it was. And she bought it for. For our food in the fridge. And my dad saw it. What's this? So I can't open any of the jars. Ah, you can break glass. In hindsight, he didn't want us to eat. All that food was just his. Anything that was easy to open was like up too high. And all the jars were tightened up to the point where you couldn't. Nobody ate. That's no wonder I was the three pounds.
- [82:22]
John Holmberg
That's how I built my strength. My dad would try to do the same thing. And I just kept getting strong.
- [82:27]
Brett Vesley
It worked on this where my hand strength got pretty good. They're like, how'd you get those pickles? Well, just open the jar with your hands. Then I see him with some super glue. Are you gluing those jars shut? Nope. Jackass.
- [82:42]
John Holmberg
Hey, it's not weird. It's pretty cool actually. No membership fee.
- [82:46]
Brett Vesley
I have heard enough of this morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. Friday morning. Perfect Day. Everybody's all flipping out. It's going to be in the 90s next week. You guys know that. You know the drill, right? We don't have to act shocked by this anymore. Hate to break it to you. It's going to get hot. Weatherman. Last night on the news. Oh, boy. We're in for it now. No, we're not. It's gonna get worse. I can tell you right now. I'm not a weatherman. I already know what's gonna happen. I'm not a wizard. I don't have a crystal ball. I don't even have a computer. I just know it's gonna get hot. So I hope you enjoyed when it wasn't days like this. Suck it up. It's gonna be glorious. And then you know it's gonna get nasty. And that's why the Brady Reports brought to you by all Pro Shade Concepts. It's a great thing. The heat's coming. That means the sun's gonna be out 17 hours a day. Lasts forever, too. So make some of your outdoor space feel like indoor space and get that shade going for you. Is yours automatic, like electric stuff? Isn't that the coolest?
- [83:57]
John Holmberg
You get that when it's too windy. Automatically comes in.
- [84:01]
Brett Vesley
It goes on its own.
- [84:02]
John Holmberg
Yep. I got one that goes out and I got one that goes down.
- [84:07]
Brett Vesley
Oh, that's cool. That's great. They did Brady's house. You should get yours too. If you've got a space that you're like, it's too much sun or we'd use it more. Well, they can fix that. All prochet.com. that's where you go. Brady Reports.
- [84:19]
John Holmberg
Good Friday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello, world.
- [84:21]
Brett Vesley
We've made it.
- [84:22]
John Holmberg
It's a big day today. It's Credit card reduction Day, World Poetry Day, National Common Courtesy Day and National Single Parent Day.
- [84:34]
Brett Vesley
National. We gave him a day. Nice job. National Single Parents Day.
- [84:39]
John Holmberg
I'll take those phones away from your kids.
- [84:42]
Brett Vesley
Right.
- [84:42]
John Holmberg
They're saying listed a bunch of stuff for single parent advice.
- [84:47]
Brett Vesley
Ironically, in order to have. In order to be a single parent, there must be two of you put that in your pipe. One kid has two single parents. That's true of all. Are they coupled together? Good job, single parents. You've ruined society.
- [85:12]
John Holmberg
A couple of basis fun facts. According to the law in Switzerland, you're not allowed to force domestic poultry to wear glasses or contact lenses.
- [85:21]
Brett Vesley
Oh, thank God. I've been fighting for that for years. Big animal rights guy. And that's on my list.
- [85:25]
John Holmberg
Still do it here.
- [85:27]
Brett Vesley
Well, that's why I'm fighting Brady.
- [85:28]
John Holmberg
Can I push back on that fight alive?
- [85:30]
Brett Vesley
What? The whole single parent thing? Yeah. Yeah. Yours doesn't count. You got a lady involved early.
- [85:35]
John Holmberg
He had a donor.
- [85:36]
Brett Vesley
I had a donor.
- [85:37]
John Holmberg
I didn't have two single parents.
- [85:39]
Brett Vesley
She was still a single parent. Didn't mean she was doing good at it.
- [85:41]
John Holmberg
No, my mom was.
- [85:42]
Brett Vesley
He wasn't. Oh, that's right. I was talking about you and your kid. Oh, yeah, I forgot. He's still a single parent. No, he's. Yeah. No, he's individual. And your parents. He's a donor parent. He's a supplier. You make a strong, compelling point. However, I do have to say, in order for your mom to be a single parent, she needed a single parent to help her out. She needed an extra bit of sauce and that's it. So you can consider them, you know, giraffe sauce or whatever it is. I don't know what that stuff's called.
- [86:17]
John Holmberg
The first Wrigley Field.
- [86:19]
Brett Vesley
Still apparent. I'm gonna go with that vote. Still a parent. Yeah. No, still apparent. Yeah. Like by definition.
- [86:27]
John Holmberg
No.
- [86:27]
Brett Vesley
No.
- [86:28]
John Holmberg
A father.
- [86:29]
Brett Vesley
This is getting into definition.
- [86:31]
John Holmberg
Parent.
- [86:31]
Brett Vesley
Not by definition.
- [86:32]
John Holmberg
This is getting into point there.
- [86:34]
Brett Vesley
No, because it's the same thing as they say. Like, you know, when they start I identify as. Or they say gender is a concept. You're still. You parented a child. Is. Didn't raise it. Parent was a concept to him until a couple years later. Right. It's too bad my dad wasn't at your dad's house to help him tighten the jar. He tried to keep you in.
- [87:00]
John Holmberg
The first Wrigley Field wasn't in Chicago. Baseball park in Los Angeles called Wrigley field Open in 1925. The Cub Stadium was called Cubs park at that point, but change its name to Wrigley in 1926.
- [87:14]
Brett Vesley
It had some other name too in between there. Cubs park was the one they. That was. That they leaned on, but it had some other.
- [87:19]
John Holmberg
The LA one was torn down in 1969.
- [87:22]
Brett Vesley
All right. It was. Wrigley Field in LA was torn down in 69.
- [87:29]
John Holmberg
Yeah.
- [87:29]
Brett Vesley
Was. It wasn't still called Wrigley Field and they lost that fight.
- [87:34]
John Holmberg
Sure.
- [87:34]
Brett Vesley
Yeah. They had to call it something else.
- [87:37]
John Holmberg
Not Wrigley Field.
- [87:38]
Brett Vesley
Well, that was a poor choice.
- [87:42]
John Holmberg
A shape with 1000 sides is called a chileagon.
- [87:48]
Brett Vesley
I'm never going to deal with that. It's. There's no such thing. 1,000.
- [87:53]
John Holmberg
Yeah.
- [87:53]
Brett Vesley
Yeah. I'll just take your word for it. And wouldn't it have been called a centigon or a Milligan. Milligan, probably. Yeah.
- [88:03]
John Holmberg
Sent his 100.
- [88:04]
Brett Vesley
Yeah. The angels played there, actually, originally, way back in the day in Wrigley Field. The Angels were only around in the 60s. Yeah, well, they were a PCL team for that. Oh, that's right. 61 for the Angels. So they played their. They still called it Wrigley Field is the thing, though. So they knew that the real Wrigley Field was in Chicago. They just kept the name. Interesting. Yeah. South. It was just south of South Central. Yeah. Nobody who was there is dead now. And not because of, you know, age.
- [88:34]
John Holmberg
I missed this yesterday, but yesterday was alien abduction day.
- [88:40]
Brett Vesley
They didn't want you.
- [88:41]
John Holmberg
Someone.
- [88:42]
Brett Vesley
Yeah. Yeah. They didn't mean they were coming for all of us. They were choosing selfish pricks. Did they know that? Shouldn't we let it be up to them? You'd think.
- [88:51]
John Holmberg
The National UFO Reporting center analyzed some data and some other digital media reports. And then the 10 states with the highest likelihood of alias alien abduction.
- [89:06]
Brett Vesley
Texas, Arkansas, Alabama.
- [89:09]
John Holmberg
Texas is number six.
- [89:12]
Brett Vesley
Florida.
- [89:14]
John Holmberg
Florida number three.
- [89:15]
Brett Vesley
Because it's land mass.
- [89:17]
John Holmberg
Yeah, those hillbillies.
- [89:18]
Brett Vesley
No, they love them.
- [89:21]
John Holmberg
Number 10, Nevada. Kasvari. 51. Number 9. Colorado.
- [89:26]
Brett Vesley
New Mexico.
- [89:27]
John Holmberg
8.
- [89:27]
Brett Vesley
Yep.
- [89:28]
John Holmberg
Arizona.
- [89:29]
Brett Vesley
On there.
- [89:32]
John Holmberg
7. Pennsylvania.
- [89:34]
Brett Vesley
It's just where it's happened before. Or where they say it's happened. 6.
- [89:37]
John Holmberg
Texas. New York. 5. Oregon. 4.
- [89:40]
Brett Vesley
Yeah. It would have to be rumors, right? Yeah. So it's not. It's not Alien Abduction Day, as in Most Likely to be Abducted. It's. It should be called People who've Been Abducted by Aliens Day. Like we're celebrating their story, right? Yeah, because you make it sound like they were. Yeah, like they knew that this was the day you're most likely to be abducted by aliens. So we gave them a day rather than. For people who have stories of abduction.
- [90:06]
John Holmberg
Yeah, basically. Well, I think the other factor was the likelihood of being abducted by aliens. UFO sighting for every 10, 75 people.
- [90:16]
Brett Vesley
Right. So it's celebrating the people who saw. Because it's almost like having Human Trafficking day. It gets a little confusing. Like, is this for them, human trafficking? Yeah. It's like, who's this? What are we celebrating? Should be Victims of Human Trafficking Day.
- [90:28]
John Holmberg
According to this report, the odds of being abducted by aliens in America is approximately one in 1834.
- [90:38]
Brett Vesley
That's it.
- [90:39]
John Holmberg
Yeah.
- [90:41]
Brett Vesley
Are you reading that right?
- [90:42]
John Holmberg
Yeah.
- [90:43]
Brett Vesley
One in 1834 are your odds of being in America. Who told you this?
- [90:50]
John Holmberg
That's according to the data that this UFO center. National UFO Reporting Center.
- [90:57]
Brett Vesley
So there's a hundred thousand. Every 1.8 million people that have been abducted. Sure. Your odds are last point at a Sun's game. 2000 people might be abducted. That's inaccurate.
- [91:14]
John Holmberg
The last lie.
- [91:16]
Brett Vesley
Yeah, I see it. The odds of being abducted by aliens in America is approximately one in 1834. There's a comma there. Oh no. Which then it says which is 0.05%. There's something missing here. I think it's supposed to have three more zeros. There's no way it's less. He just wanted the news. I have bets on FanDuel that have worse odds than this. And there's only three legs to it.
- [91:43]
John Holmberg
I don't know, Jim.
- [91:44]
Brett Vesley
No, I do. 0.05% of the American population.005% is 1800 people. One in one in 1800. But that's. Wow. That's even less. Like this is.05. You had two more zeros. Yeah. 1834 divided by one is. You have.0005. This is just.05. They bounded it up so it's even better. Well, that's not true. That means everything.
- [92:13]
John Holmberg
That means people are getting abducted. Well done on the reg.
- [92:18]
Brett Vesley
Yeah.
- [92:18]
John Holmberg
Yeah.
- [92:18]
Brett Vesley
We're gonna have our U fest in a couple weeks. That's 10,000 people. That means that five of them are go have been gone at one point or another. If the odds are to stay out there, you never know. That's true. I've seen a few of them I think might have been thrown back. So basically they're just fishing.
- [92:36]
John Holmberg
Is it Roswell's New Mexico?
- [92:38]
Brett Vesley
Yeah.
- [92:38]
John Holmberg
Is Area 51 in Nevada?
- [92:40]
Brett Vesley
Yeah.
- [92:40]
John Holmberg
Yeah. Okay.
- [92:42]
Brett Vesley
Were you going?
- [92:44]
John Holmberg
No, I've never been to either one.
- [92:45]
Brett Vesley
You can't go to one of them, stand around it. That can't be right. I know, I know. He's newsman.
- [93:00]
John Holmberg
Hear the words you say sometimes. I mean, who talks like that?
- [93:03]
Brett Vesley
98, Holmberg's Morning Sickness.
- [93:09]
John Holmberg
The current state of tipping in 2025. America's average tip is now 19%.
- [93:17]
Brett Vesley
You don't have an option anymore. Yesterday at the game, it was 20, 22 and 25 on the thing.
- [93:21]
John Holmberg
You can't do custom.
- [93:22]
Brett Vesley
You can, but they're near the smartest. Well, it is not. It's like you just know when you custom's the last one, you know which one it is. And if you hit it, that means you're going to be cheap.
- [93:31]
John Holmberg
Did you see the story of the.
- [93:32]
Brett Vesley
Guy who went up his car at the tow yard and the tow yard had a card thing with a tip? Ask for a Tip. Come on, man. Are you serious? Yeah. Oh, my God.
- [93:41]
John Holmberg
If it goes on 60 minutes, maybe.
- [93:42]
Brett Vesley
You tip a guy for jacking your car. I was told. And I don't know if this is real or not because I haven't tested it. But when your car is taken away from you and you make it right with whoever you owe money to, like if it's for, you know, a ticket and they're like, we pound your car.
- [93:59]
John Holmberg
Mine got towed in Scottsdale.
- [94:01]
Brett Vesley
You're. You can say, I'm not paying you to the tow up. I'm not going to pay you. You can't take my car and then charge me to get it back. The state can, and I already paid those fees. But I'm not paying your fee, which is extra for doing the job of the state. That should be baked into the fine.
- [94:18]
John Holmberg
Doesn't that invalidate almost every tow sign.
- [94:21]
Brett Vesley
In every parking lot you've seen? Oh, violators will be towed at owner's expense. Is you violated this particular person's private property. Property. So if you park there and the sign says that I think you have to in order to get your car, it's ransom. So it's basically stealing a car. And I didn't agree to that sign. I don't know if that's a legal state sign. It's got ars on it. Then you got to worry. But I don't know the rule. But I've been told several times by cops. Really, you don't have to pay the tow guy. I don't. I've seen a lot of tow guys. I'm pretty much paying them. Some of them don't look all too stable. But if they come to your house and swipe your car in the middle of the night because you haven't made payments and you make those payments, good. The person who's hiring the tow truck driver should be paying those fees. And then bake it in. Maybe you add in an extra 130 bucks to the thing. I don't know. There's a lot of stuff in there I want to kind of.
- [95:10]
John Holmberg
The highest tipping state is Delaware. Just over 21%. California leaves the worst tips around 17%.
- [95:19]
Brett Vesley
They're all broken.
- [95:22]
John Holmberg
Break it down. Millennials are the biggest tippers at 19 and a half percent. Gen Z is 19.3. Gen X, 18.2. Boomers 16.4. And 7% of Americans never tip.
- [95:40]
Brett Vesley
Never.
- [95:40]
John Holmberg
Never.
- [95:42]
Brett Vesley
17%.
- [95:43]
John Holmberg
7%.
- [95:44]
Brett Vesley
Oh, at least 17. 7. Still high. Jesus, that's terrible. Can you imagine? Yeah. Wow. Brett's inner monologue just Floated through the room. I heard it like, I see. Like when I'm in a Waymo, I see a driver behind him.
- [96:03]
John Holmberg
It had passion, even.
- [96:04]
Brett Vesley
Yeah. Even though the driver's not there. I know I could read now. I know what it's like to be one of those girls who thinks she can read minds. I know exactly what Brett's in her monologue did with that story.
- [96:16]
John Holmberg
I didn't say anything.
- [96:17]
Brett Vesley
You shout in your brain. I said nothing. I know, which is great. But I heard your inside voice and touched me. Did you guys. Did it get cold in here? I hear racist people. I did nothing. You didn't. Well, you didn't. But that. That knock. But the giggle, I think. I think it's Pavlovian now. The giggle made me go, oh, I know what Brett's thinking. Only 7% of Americans don't tip. Oh, I know what that was. He slurred in his mind. I did nothing of the sort. Did I heard it. Is it a slur? It's like a tree in the woods. Oh, is it a racial slur? I didn't say anything if no one said it. Although Donovan just said was right there with you, Brad.
- [97:23]
John Holmberg
I know.
- [97:23]
Brett Vesley
And that's the way you sent it out over the air. Brett. Hi. Welcome to the Brett Vesley Show. And it starts now. I know what he was thinking. I know what that guy said.
- [97:40]
John Holmberg
Every year since 2012, Gallup has put out the world happiness Report, which ranks how people in more than 140 countries evaluate the quality of their lives. And for the eighth year in a row, Finland is number one.
- [97:59]
Brett Vesley
Good job.
- [98:00]
John Holmberg
Denmark, number two. Iceland, number three.
- [98:03]
Brett Vesley
They don't ask those people.
- [98:04]
John Holmberg
Your Swedes are happy.
- [98:05]
Brett Vesley
Yeah. They don't ask anybody up in that archeological area this question in November. They're thrilled when this comes up in, like, May. Guarantee you by the compile all the information of the world. And it comes out this year in March. They did not ask those people that question in November.
- [98:23]
John Holmberg
Mexico's in the top 10.
- [98:26]
Brett Vesley
Because if. Yeah, ask the cartels people. They're probably pretty happy.
- [98:31]
John Holmberg
The US is 24 out of 147 countries.
- [98:35]
Brett Vesley
That's getting it done.
- [98:38]
John Holmberg
It's our lowest rank since they've been doing it 12 years. They started 12 years ago. We're just below Slovenia, UAE and Germany. Slovenia, we zip in.
- [98:54]
Brett Vesley
I'm telling you this. I think America is. I would say I don't know enough about the other countries at the top of the list, but I think that we have the happiest nation on the planet. And the reason why is because we complain about so many stupid things that drop us off that list. Yeah, that's right. So I think we are so spoiled compared to everyone else. They're appreciative. I'd say we're the least appreciative. Happy place. We should be happy. Absolutely. We've got everything. I saw a thing last night. This is only in America that what's happening to go bags. Nobody's taking to go's. We're wasting half the food on our plate. Because you know why? It makes you look like a pig to have a bag and leave a restaurant. So nobody's doing it. So there's like. Some restaurants now are like we don't even carry like much in the ways of doggy bags because not a lot of people will box it up and take it. And they ask the people inside, are you going to take that home? I had them box it up. But I'm going to leave it here because I'm not eating this tomorrow. It doesn't taste the same. Like that's. That's America right there. It's like I'll waste this and pretend and not only that, waste it by putting it in another box instead of just throwing it out. I know this is foreign to you.
- [100:08]
John Holmberg
I haven't run into that yet.
- [100:10]
Brett Vesley
That's why you were blank face.
- [100:12]
John Holmberg
What's to go like we can hear his inner monologue. What do you mean you don't run into a restaurant yet that hasn't offered or. Oh no, they still offer.
- [100:21]
Brett Vesley
But they're. The manager was saying we don't order nearly as much of it. We have. Have a very small amount of leave the place with bags things because we don't. They used to put them in bags. He's killed bags altogether. Now you just get a. A little carton.
- [100:35]
John Holmberg
The other thing, I mean I've done this before where you forgot the to go back.
- [100:40]
Brett Vesley
Oh yeah. But that's what now they're. Now they're saying they're doing that on purpose now. And that to goes are no longer like really. It used to be a pretty big deal. Like you know, I'll bag that up. We'll take it home and eat it later. And now it's evidently it's especially in Los Angeles where I saw the story kind of oh to go hog. Also there's not as many claim jumper type places where they give you five meals on one. That was too much. Claim jumper needed to back up a truck when you leave.
- [101:10]
John Holmberg
And now it's Time for some science news.
- [101:12]
Brett Vesley
Okay.
- [101:14]
John Holmberg
Hello, my friends, Professor Brady Bogan here with your science news.
- [101:18]
Brett Vesley
Hey, what's Brett thinking? Let's check. Sorry to the Indians. I didn't say anything when I met the Indians. Way over. It's science. So I figured that you'd be saying, I know who does that most? Didn't everyone else just think of Jackie Chan? What did he do?
- [101:40]
John Holmberg
The stranded space astronauts came home on Tuesday and people were wondering, how much money did they get paid for all the overtime? The answer is five bucks a day. They're on salary. They make around 150,000 a year. So they don't get overtime. They just get a $5 a day for incidentals while traveling. Also, they'll cover meals and lodging and transportation. So no hazardous duty. They're up there 286 days. They got fourteen thirty dollars.
- [102:17]
Brett Vesley
How did they have enough food for extra? That's just extra. That's the other thing is like they go. I guess they were shooting up stuff for the space station to keep them in. They got a big catcher's mitt or something. I mean, how are they getting it? They couldn't get. They couldn't get anybody up there to save them. This is why Italy doesn't have a space.
- [102:31]
John Holmberg
It's unbelievable.
- [102:32]
Brett Vesley
What are they doing up there? What do you just put a ball glove up there and chuck it? I'm not doing it.
- [102:37]
John Holmberg
Are you DiMaggio now or what?
- [102:41]
Brett Vesley
Let those looney Asperger's autistic focused people start shooting them up there? I'm not building a baseball glove. I don't know how it works either. Yeah, I mean, because they have car, but they do it a lot. Like they'll shoot cargo up to the space station and give them food and stuff. Well, then how come they couldn't jump back on the thing and ride it back down? Because Boeing said it's not safe. Well, yeah. They weren't people movers. They're cargo. I don't know. I don't know. You'd think you could put one on there, but those weren't. I'll jump on a cargo plane if I've been stuck up there for 10 months.
- [103:09]
John Holmberg
I don't think those came back from other places. People from other space agencies around the country, like India or Japan.
- [103:17]
Brett Vesley
Oh, no. Indian rocket shows up, I'm kicking it away.
- [103:21]
John Holmberg
There you go.
- [103:22]
Brett Vesley
No curry. Keep it going. Don't eat curry. That's an agreement we have on the International Space Station. No bathroom with curry. We're eating a lot of just plain kind of porridge. But no, I think they shoot. I don't think it's one. I don't think it's a rocket. That's a return burned. Oh, okay. I don't think there's like a little capsule that comes back after they drop off food. But I do think they do. I've known that they had those ones. They went up and they say it's a supply mission, but they had to double down on that with two more people up there.
- [103:53]
John Holmberg
Boston Dynamics posted a new video of its Atlas robot walking, running, crawling, cartwheeling and break dancing.
- [104:02]
Brett Vesley
We're getting close.
- [104:03]
John Holmberg
Should see this. It's about a minute long video. It's amazing how much.
- [104:08]
Brett Vesley
Here's the fun part.
- [104:09]
John Holmberg
How better. How much better it's gotten.
- [104:11]
Brett Vesley
Do they sell these things yet? Can you go buy one? Here's the fun part. It is iRobot for all of us. It's cute and adorable and we watch these videos that Brady brings us of it break dancing and doing stuff. It's a death machine. They're building death machines. These. This is not for us. This is. This is for technology, for bat. There is nothing about this thing. We'll get it because we'll buy it. But it is Terminator. They are death machines. Don't think they aren't. Don't roll your eyes at that. That's the first and real meaningful thing they're doing with robots will be arm them and make them military superstars and then make consumers want them for all the toys and stuff. We saw the one, the one that.
- [104:52]
John Holmberg
You couldn't kick it over.
- [104:53]
Brett Vesley
Yeah, you were kicking it and it.
- [104:54]
John Holmberg
Was like, all right, what else you got?
- [104:56]
Thriller
Got?
- [104:56]
Brett Vesley
Yeah. And Mars, isn't it like, they see that thing in Mars. It just drives around. It can't roll over. It can't get tipped. Therefore it's. They all act like, oh, look, everybody. It break dances and we get like wee and. Yeah, break dances. All right, F. You guys. I've seen this. Barf flies up there in a big rv, drops things off. That's right. Barf does it. Barf brings the RV of Walmart up to the space station, dark helmet, tries to, you know, intervene. It's baseball.
- [105:26]
John Holmberg
Could the cure for cancer be tricking our body into thinking it's bacon?
- [105:33]
Brett Vesley
Okay, researchers. Wait a minute, Brady, that sentence makes no sense because you're saying it tricks our body into thinking our body is bacon.
- [105:41]
John Holmberg
Researchers. No. Tricks our body into thinking that what we're eating is pork or what is in our body. Researchers in China.
- [105:50]
Brett Vesley
Okay.
- [105:50]
John Holmberg
Go figure out how to make our immune system think cancer cells are pig cells. Pork cells.
- [105:59]
Thriller
Huh?
- [106:01]
John Holmberg
Researchers.
- [106:04]
Brett Vesley
I heard the words. You realize it makes no sense.
- [106:06]
John Holmberg
It makes it think that cancer cells are pig cells. So it attacks the tumor and knocks it out.
- [106:13]
Brett Vesley
Out. What does.
- [106:16]
John Holmberg
Your body reacts. Don't belong.
- [106:20]
Brett Vesley
So where he got us was the confusion that making it bacon. It doesn't. Bacon has nothing to do with us. Just in his brain.
- [106:27]
John Holmberg
Pork.
- [106:27]
Brett Vesley
We understand that they're not called pork cells. It's from a pig cells. You're eating a lot more than. No, no. Bacon is Brady.
- [106:38]
John Holmberg
Delicious bacon.
- [106:39]
Brett Vesley
Brady. No. There's so much more to a pig than just what you put in your mouth.
- [106:44]
John Holmberg
Sure. There's.
- [106:47]
Brett Vesley
Even. I'm not with you on this one, dummy. That was terrible.
- [106:50]
John Holmberg
Hickory smoked ham.
- [106:51]
Brett Vesley
It doesn't. No. You're screwing up science with your appetite. I got science news on Fridays. Keep it straight. Your body doesn't think that your cancer cells are baking and then you digest cancer. It's not how it works. So you're saying. Thank you, Ralphie. The stuff that they put in there for people with cancer would work in a pig. So it's trying to confuse your body into saying this is the same thing a pig would do. And it works in pigs.
- [107:19]
John Holmberg
And get rid of it.
- [107:20]
Brett Vesley
Right. That's the point. Not accelerate it or make it taste better. You're not gonna slice off of.
- [107:28]
John Holmberg
I gotta tell you. Human cells are getting rid of the pig cells. They're enjoying doing that nowhere.
- [107:33]
Brett Vesley
You know what I was thinking? You think that the. Okay, so. Yeah, I know. You can say this one. No, I can't. Yeah, you can. It's okay. Trust me. I'm fine. I'm thinking it. Yeah. About him. Yeah. We're both thinking it. Right? The cells don't go numb. Numb on the pork cells. No, they don't. There are no such things as chubby little Brady's. Jolly little cells. Cells. Where are we going? Some little.
- [108:01]
John Holmberg
We go to some goop joint or the pork place.
- [108:04]
Brett Vesley
What are we doing today? Cells. Hey.
- [108:05]
John Holmberg
We got some pig cells. Sweet baby.
- [108:08]
Brett Vesley
Rays on the cells. Go get a little sauce on these cells. I'm gonna open a restaurant. Cellopolis. Idiot. The cells don't go in and chow down on the pork cells because they're so. Give me that paper. There's nowhere on there that says anything about food, is there?
- [108:26]
John Holmberg
It just says in bacon. It says in Bacon News. You know, roughly.
- [108:31]
Brett Vesley
It roughly says that. It roughly says in Bacon.
- [108:34]
John Holmberg
Well, all the science news are Just like headlines.
- [108:37]
Brett Vesley
Right? Okay, so you. That's your funny. That's why you read this. Google and Grok or Gemini can come in. See, that sentence right there is bad. Could the cure for cancer be tricking our body into thinking it's pork? Thinking our whole body is pork. Pork. Yeah, that's what that says. So China's figured out how to trick our immune cells to think cancer cells are pig cells. So did we cure cancer in pigs?
- [109:02]
John Holmberg
Don't know, Jim.
- [109:04]
Brett Vesley
Why he read this strictly because it's joke. He says in bacon news, you have no idea. So if the. If the cells for the immune system will knock out what they think is a pig cell, then our cells cure cancer in pigs. They could get rid of some tumors in pigeons, pigs. If we're feel if from what you're saying, if we're fooling our immune system into thinking that cancer cells are just pig cells, then our immune system would kill cancer in a pig or kill a pig. Why would we have pork cells in it to our body would fight them. I'll start drinking. It's all bacon. It's all bacon to you. About the bacon. I know the human immune system. Them has a fork and a knife and a napkin around its neck and it's looking for some bacon cells.
- [109:49]
John Holmberg
That's your science news.
- [109:51]
Brett Vesley
Yeah. No, it wasn't. Nothing about that was. Thanks, Neil Degrasse. Dumbass.
- [110:00]
John Holmberg
There's this horrible scam that happened in Seattle. This guy named Justin Hills got a call about his cat. His cat went missing two weeks ago. This person called him on the phone, very smooth. Sounded like he was experienced with this. But he said, we've located your cat and it was hit by a car.
- [110:22]
Brett Vesley
Oh no.
- [110:23]
John Holmberg
So we have taken it to an emergency room and it needs to have surgery. We need you to Venmo US $2800.
- [110:30]
Brett Vesley
No, I'll go to the surgeon and pay that. Exactly.
- [110:32]
John Holmberg
And the guy immediately was like, I gotta get this vent. You know, as much as I.
- [110:38]
Brett Vesley
First question, what vet is he at? I don't need you anymore. What?
- [110:41]
John Holmberg
Yeah, yeah, they can do that. And I can pay a bill. Yeah, luckily he didn't send the money.
- [110:47]
Brett Vesley
Right. Because he's not dumb.
- [110:49]
John Holmberg
Bad news is cat's still missing. But he put a warning out there. These calls are happening. They got a list. They went around and found out all these pets that are missing. You know where they've been posting?
- [111:02]
Brett Vesley
People do that on that next door app all the time. I got an email from a guy says I'm an Actual scientist. I'm not kidding. Engineering and science is my. I need to be a better scientist to understand any of what he just said.
- [111:15]
John Holmberg
Then you're not a scientist.
- [111:16]
Brett Vesley
Oh. All I can do is hear. And I don't know what the actual f. Brady's trying to say about pork, pig, bacon, and cancer. Signed, Sean Rockefeller, our blind.
- [111:28]
John Holmberg
There's this one.
- [111:29]
Brett Vesley
Jesus Christ. John's at this. Does Osmosis Jones live in Brady's head? Brady watched Inner Space and went, I bet he's hungry. Num, num, num, num. Speaking of hungry, remember when you were a kid and they tried to teach you how medicine fights things? And they were the bad cells and the good cells. And the good cells would show up and go. They'd march in and the white blood cells and the red blood cells. And he remembers and thought, that's an actual. That's actual footage. Y. I get a microscope in that guy.
- [112:04]
John Holmberg
The Cheesecake Factory menu just got larger.
- [112:07]
Brett Vesley
Unnecessary.
- [112:08]
John Holmberg
They removed 13 items from the menu and added 20 more.
- [112:13]
Brett Vesley
Wow.
- [112:14]
John Holmberg
You have now 250 items to order on that menu. It's got to suck being a cook there. Oh.
- [112:22]
Brett Vesley
Or you're just responsible for a certain portion of the menu. I always imagine the Cheesecake Factory kitchen being like six kitchens. Yeah, like Hell's Kitchen. Like, six bases. Like, you guys candle this, and we'll do the Italian, and they get. Have a bakery back there. Well, either that or everything's microwave, cold dessert section.
- [112:39]
John Holmberg
Their kitchen for that has to be huge.
- [112:41]
Brett Vesley
I don't think they're making it.
- [112:43]
John Holmberg
No.
- [112:43]
Brett Vesley
Okay. I think they just heat stuff up. Well, but they still got to take it out. Like McDonald's. They have one kitchen like we got here. You have the. The pasta parmigiano or whatever, and then, like, ve and then salmon. It's like a buffet, only they don't show it to you. Yeah, they're just plating it up. They heat it up. It shows up in a truck, and they just heat it up. That's probably fair.
- [113:05]
John Holmberg
There's a lot of crossover on the menu. On the. I mean, the ingredients that they use on the menu.
- [113:12]
Brett Vesley
There's a lot of pages of stuff. I don't even cross over lasagna with some of the stuff they're doing with those.
- [113:16]
John Holmberg
I guess you're right.
- [113:17]
Brett Vesley
There is a lot of chicken noodles.
- [113:20]
John Holmberg
Yeah. And so many.
- [113:21]
Brett Vesley
Yeah. Pork.
- [113:24]
John Holmberg
I got a couple.
- [113:26]
Brett Vesley
Okay.
- [113:28]
John Holmberg
First one's a lady walking in the snow and gets crushed by a roof.
- [113:35]
Brett Vesley
A whole roof.
- [113:36]
John Holmberg
She's just outside. Well, not the Whole roof, but a good portion of it just wandering around.
- [113:42]
Brett Vesley
Oh, my God. Yeah. Tornado or something. What happened?
- [113:44]
John Holmberg
Oh, explosion.
- [113:46]
Brett Vesley
Oh, and then a lady. And then a car just backs over.
- [113:48]
John Holmberg
Looks like. But she did back over close, but I think that's her scampering away.
- [113:54]
Brett Vesley
Wait a second. There she is. Just. Yeah.
- [113:55]
John Holmberg
Explosion in the distance. Look at the bottom picture.
- [113:58]
Brett Vesley
Something. Yes. Something close up.
- [114:00]
John Holmberg
Oh, yeah, there it is.
- [114:01]
Brett Vesley
Way off in the back. And then a guy in a car just runs her over after she's under. And she climbs out from under the car and just runs away. That's spectacular.
- [114:08]
John Holmberg
She made it in time for work.
- [114:12]
Brett Vesley
No one. So no one in this entire video said, this is what happened? Yeah. Let me see what the translation is. They don't translate because it's in Brady's. Google's.
- [114:24]
John Holmberg
Google said someone says, that's not the same person.
- [114:27]
Brett Vesley
But you don't want to translate that on your computer. No, no. You're gonna get on a list. You're gonna get radicalized.
- [114:32]
John Holmberg
Not with this administration, I don't.
- [114:34]
Brett Vesley
Yeah, I'm. I'm glad. And this is the one case I'm glad Brady has no curiosity, because he'd be radicalized by whoever runs the site.
- [114:41]
John Holmberg
They said that was the pork factory that blew up.
- [114:44]
Brett Vesley
It's Afghanistan or the Palestinians or whatever.
- [114:46]
John Holmberg
Why are you demonstrating at Columbia?
- [114:48]
Brett Vesley
I don't know. I felt the urge.
- [114:52]
John Holmberg
Next one's a couple of dogs. Brett whispered something to me with his.
- [114:54]
Brett Vesley
Brain, and I thought, he's right.
- [114:57]
John Holmberg
A couple of dogs on the beach. You got one going for a little stroll.
- [115:04]
Brett Vesley
Ones come flying in from way off and crushes the dog on the beach. A full tackle from a good 40ft away. Pekingese drop. Some sort of mini husky. Lawrence Taylor back in the day. Man, that was awesome. Just side humps him. Bang. That other dog was just enjoying his day. Just trying to be on the beach.
- [115:30]
John Holmberg
Oh, my last one's a drunk dude showing his buddies he can break a bottle over his head.
- [115:35]
Brett Vesley
Oh, no. $20. Oh, man. First one is a fail. You didn't tell me how many times I had to try. Second one doesn't work. Oh, man.
- [115:45]
Thriller
Yes, sir.
- [115:46]
John Holmberg
Ringing. Is it?
- [115:50]
Brett Vesley
Oh, here's the third one.
- [115:51]
John Holmberg
That oe bottle is two of them.
- [115:52]
Brett Vesley
Oh, the third one doesn't break over his head.
- [115:54]
John Holmberg
Okay, I'm done.
- [115:55]
Brett Vesley
Here's your money. And he just. And he gives the guy the bet.
- [115:58]
John Holmberg
Are those shorts?
- [116:00]
Brett Vesley
Oh, no, there's. I wouldn't play it. I'm not playing any of that. That. Oh, there's another Swing at his head. This bottle is impervious to breaking. I don't think it's glass. Us ringing, man. Hey, man, you better stop doing that cuz your is ringing. Is that natural selection if it doesn't work. Hey, guys, I just found butter bean and evidently he's been doing on an Ozempic or something. He says he can smash his bottle on his head. He's standing over there. Done it like five times. Guarantee you skinny butterbean. Yo is ringing. And then he just handed him the money. Bet ya I can do this. Oh, God damn it. Here you go. Sorry, guys. Sorry. Wasted everybody's time. This is how bad that guy looks. If I took my shirt off right now and had my tank top undershirt on and I was retarded, I'd look just like him. Luckily for you, my isn't ringing this morning.
- [117:00]
John Holmberg
Your scars look like tattoos on your shoulders.
- [117:02]
Brett Vesley
Yeah, they're cool. I actually like my scars. I want to put happy faces on them. They're. They're just straight lines. My shoulder scars. Yeah. So it just look like. Like a bored happy face. All right, Bert, what do you got? All right, It's Friday. Happy Friday. The trouble comes in. Bert's. Okay, we're starting off with a. Start off with this idiot is. What's he smoking? There's a guy just. Oh, no. What's he doing? Oh, he's like M80s in his mouth. He's got no teeth.
- [117:27]
John Holmberg
He's got no teeth.
- [117:28]
Brett Vesley
He's got. It's Leon spinks from the 70s. Yeah, he's got no teeth. And they're gonna light up. Two or one, two. Two M80s in his mouth. Is this gonna go the way I think it is? This dude's friends are lighting the M80s. They're in his mouth. He's holding them in his teeth.
- [117:43]
John Holmberg
Come on.
- [117:44]
Brett Vesley
And the few. Oh, my God. We cut to the hospital. His jaw's gone. Oh, my God. The whole lower part of it. Was it worth it?
- [117:54]
John Holmberg
He was 100 bucks.
- [117:55]
Brett Vesley
He looks a little like Tracy Morgan right there.
- [117:56]
John Holmberg
He does.
- [117:57]
Brett Vesley
Wow. Those M80s didn't agree with me, and I threw up my face on the Madison Square Garden floor. Oh, my God. It just blew his face.
- [118:08]
John Holmberg
Hannibal.
- [118:09]
Thriller
Yeah.
- [118:09]
Brett Vesley
Anybody hungry? Oh, someone eating their own arm. Oh, oh, it's a little person who's got a massive wound on their arm.
- [118:16]
John Holmberg
And she's.
- [118:18]
Brett Vesley
She's eating her own arm. It's still attached. You've got to feel the. That crocodile.
- [118:25]
John Holmberg
Crocodile.
- [118:27]
Brett Vesley
How many people are there? It's a spectator Sport. Wow.
- [118:37]
John Holmberg
Open the concessions. She's hungry.
- [118:39]
Brett Vesley
There we go. Holy cow. Here we go.
- [118:43]
Thriller
All right.
- [118:43]
Brett Vesley
I don't know what this is. Is that a bucket of diarrhea? He's.
- [118:48]
John Holmberg
It's a woman down there.
- [118:50]
Brett Vesley
Yeah. It's a funnel with poop in it. And it's somebody. You can only see their eyes and their throat. And swallowing the funnel of what looks like diarrhea. I'm assuming that's not pudding.
- [119:00]
John Holmberg
That's a woman.
- [119:01]
Brett Vesley
Yeah. It's got a bra on. That's a good giveaway. And that's.
- [119:04]
John Holmberg
Just notice that right off the.
- [119:05]
Brett Vesley
Somebody eating tons of diarrhea. Man, oh, man. Where's my next one, sir? It's like a cup of diarrhea. It was. It was almost sticking along the same vein. Here. Let's size a shrimp cocktail. All right. Here's somebody's butt. Oh, there's. There's a lot of poo. All right. They're having. They're having sex. That's old school. A lot of poop. That is. Oh, my God. There's so much poop. This is Brady. In the gay community, I believe that's called raw dogging. Oh, that is so much poop.
- [119:39]
John Holmberg
That was my first experience. I don't like it.
- [119:43]
Brett Vesley
It's clean. Okay, Go ahead. I think that's it. All right. Hit it again. Let's see it again. Now let's listen to them. So much poop. I mean, that same guy who said your S is ringing.
- [120:15]
John Holmberg
John still does the commercial.
- [120:17]
Brett Vesley
He's not wrong. Those people that if you don't get AIDS from that, you're. You have those pig bacon cells Freddie was talking about.
- [120:26]
John Holmberg
We'll change body parts.
- [120:27]
Brett Vesley
Oh. Oh. It's a penis. It's a.
- [120:29]
John Holmberg
Just an earthworm and an uncut.
- [120:32]
Brett Vesley
Is that an earthworm?
- [120:34]
John Holmberg
Yeah.
- [120:34]
Brett Vesley
Are you sure?
- [120:35]
John Holmberg
I've identified it.
- [120:37]
Brett Vesley
All right. And it's going into the urethra.
- [120:38]
John Holmberg
It's a nightcrawler.
- [120:39]
Brett Vesley
Okay. Of an uncut penis. But the skin is over. That's it. He ate it up. Okay. And you have to sprinkle. Huh? Sprinkle coffee on his penis. Does that make him come up?
- [120:54]
John Holmberg
Yeah.
- [120:55]
Brett Vesley
I. I have better things to do with my time than on earth. Worms. How bored were you as a kid?
- [121:02]
John Holmberg
And it was when you go. And if you're going fishing, you go.
- [121:05]
Brett Vesley
To the store and buy them.
- [121:07]
John Holmberg
Yeah. Yeah.
- [121:07]
Brett Vesley
Well, you're too cheap.
- [121:09]
John Holmberg
I didn't know about this technique. And Muckrat Ray did it. Sure.
- [121:13]
Brett Vesley
You wasted someone's coffee because you didn't want to spend a dollar on 27.
- [121:16]
John Holmberg
I was throwing away the coffee stuff. That's.
- [121:19]
Brett Vesley
Oh, old coffee.
- [121:20]
John Holmberg
Yeah.
- [121:20]
Brett Vesley
And then earthworms come out of that.
- [121:22]
John Holmberg
They do.
- [121:24]
Brett Vesley
Yuck.
- [121:25]
John Holmberg
Ready?
- [121:25]
Brett Vesley
You guys are weird.
- [121:26]
John Holmberg
We'll finish with this one.
- [121:27]
Brett Vesley
Okay.
- [121:27]
Thriller
For those of you guys who don't.
- [121:28]
Brett Vesley
Know, he basically uppercuts. Oh, my God. Yeah. Okay. A guy punched another guy in the ass with an uppercut and then lifted him up, but basically this guy from his ass, no support. So, like, I didn't understand what the big deal was because the person who, like, you would hear it in the video, the guy recording goes, oh, oh, it's all clean. And I was like, doesn't everyone do this? Like, I don't understand what the big deal is. Okay, so let's do it. They're face to foot. Brett and I are face to face, and I go down with a big, fat right uppercut between your legs. You've got enough lube on your butt with me on Hungry Grip. Okay. You have lube in your butt that. My fist hits the. Hits it and goes into the elbow. And then I continue to curl you up to my shoulder by the anus. And that's something these guys did outside in a parking lot.
- [122:18]
John Holmberg
The podcast.
- [122:20]
Brett Vesley
Yeah. What's the podcast called? The Brolapse. No, I'm not sure. That's hot.
- [122:26]
John Holmberg
Yeah.
- [122:26]
Brett Vesley
I'd stumble across that on my itunes podcast list and go, oh, yeah, we.
- [122:30]
John Holmberg
Got a new one.
- [122:30]
Brett Vesley
No Rogan today. What's this guy up to? We'll finish it. Wow. He punched him from the front. Yeah. That's hard to hit a butthole that clean. That took three or four shots before he's like, there it is. You can't. If you can't see the B hole.
- [122:53]
John Holmberg
I think the receiver was ready on that one.
- [122:55]
Brett Vesley
You can't. Of course he was ready. But even still, Toledo. Give me five tries. I'm gonna miss the first two or three. I feel it. Yeah. Coming straight in. Like, if you were turned around, I'd even probably still need a second punch. Like Don Flamingo on Mike Tyson's punch out that big looping uppercut. How do you do this? What has happened to the simulation? Sure, I'll try that. Somebody had to agree to it. You know what I want to do?
- [123:26]
John Holmberg
Do it.
- [123:27]
Brett Vesley
Throw this uppercut. But you need to be facing me. Let's see how many times it takes before I get it in there. And then I'm gonna lift you up strongman style to my face. By my butthole. Yes, by Your butthole. Okay, let's go out in the parking lot and do that so people can watch. Then you had to get a third friend to film it. Oh, yeah. I don't like people anymore. You got one more? Now we're okay. Good. I figured. Fist all the way up. Yes. What are you gonna do? What do we do? It's the end of the night. Get a towel, go to sleep. Wow. Just doesn't make sense anymore. There goes your Brady Report. It's 98 KUPD.
- [124:10]
John Holmberg
It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fee.
- [124:13]
Brett Vesley
I have heard enough of this morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan. Him. He's evil. Sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude already. We're having, like, way too much fun with Nick Thune, who's here, and. But the story's horrible now. We're recording all that? No, we weren't recording any of that. It's a shame because it was a great. Should have interrupted the chili pepper. Let me just tell you this. You go see Nick this weekend over at Stand Up Live, and I'm just going to give you this headline, Autism trailer, Tractor trailer, and. And deer. Dead deer.
- [124:54]
Thriller
Yeah.
- [124:54]
Brett Vesley
I mean, that's worth it right there. And I don't even know if you tell that story, but people can ask you later at the club, like, hey, what's the deal with you killing deers and stuff?
- [125:00]
Thriller
I'll be in the lobby after the.
- [125:01]
Brett Vesley
Shows telling the deer story with a special guest, the autistic kid that witnessed it. And we'll never let you forget. He does.
- [125:08]
Thriller
He does. He's on the road with me.
- [125:10]
Brett Vesley
Was he opening?
- [125:11]
Thriller
No, he's great.
- [125:12]
Brett Vesley
Yeah.
- [125:12]
Thriller
He sells all my merch.
- [125:14]
Brett Vesley
If he went up and told the story and then you just rebutted it after, I'm like, all right, this is what really happened. Happen Nick Thunes at Stand Up Live tonight and tomorrow, if you want to go over there and check it all out. You said when you came in, it's good to see you. And that's a great way to say, I'm not sure if I've ever met you before. And you really don't know.
- [125:31]
Thriller
Well, he said that I had.
- [125:32]
Brett Vesley
Yeah. And there's a reason why. And because Brad, who drives the comedians around, runs the whole show over there, came in and then broke out pictures of you last time you were here, which was 2018. Yeah.
- [125:43]
Thriller
I don't want to see Those pictures.
- [125:44]
Brett Vesley
And you don't want to see them.
- [125:45]
Thriller
He briefly showed them to me in the car and I thought, I don't know what era, because there are. Because I, yeah, I was absolutely just living life to its flaws at the point. Gone wasted.
- [125:55]
Brett Vesley
So do you think there's a good chance you were probably out of it while you were here?
- [125:58]
Thriller
Oh, I definitely drank before I came in.
- [126:00]
Brett Vesley
No kidding.
- [126:01]
Thriller
Oh, 100.
- [126:02]
Brett Vesley
So you were drinking first thing, even at like 6 in the morning? I gotta start.
- [126:05]
Thriller
I was drinking at 2 in the morning when I woke up to go to the bathroom.
- [126:08]
Brett Vesley
No kidding. It was that bad?
- [126:10]
John Holmberg
It was like water.
- [126:11]
Thriller
But also it was, it was like, how do I just feel good all the time? But the problem is it never really gets good after a certain point.
- [126:17]
Brett Vesley
How long did you do this?
- [126:20]
Thriller
I had a nice 10 year run because I got, I got sober when I was 17 and then I started drinking again at 29.
- [126:27]
Brett Vesley
What were you, how long were you drinking when you got sober at 17? I think I remember that story.
- [126:32]
Thriller
Yeah, Possibly.
- [126:33]
Brett Vesley
I got sober at 7.
- [126:34]
Thriller
Rehab. And you know, when I, you know, I was the young kid that was just, I was having a good time. But yeah, when you, when you get sober so young and then you get a little success.
- [126:43]
Brett Vesley
Yeah.
- [126:43]
Thriller
You start thinking like, I'm probably fine.
- [126:46]
Brett Vesley
That was just when you were a kid.
- [126:47]
Thriller
Yeah.
- [126:48]
Brett Vesley
You couldn't control it because you were.
- [126:49]
John Holmberg
Dying an adult now.
- [126:50]
Brett Vesley
Yeah. Yeah.
- [126:50]
Thriller
And the first, the funny thing is the first time that I drank after 12 years, almost 12 years of sobriety, I did it. I had a gig in Vegas and I got to Vegas and I thought, you know what I'm going to do is I'm going to have a beer finally, you know.
- [127:03]
Brett Vesley
Right.
- [127:03]
Thriller
And then, and then I get there, have a beer, and then I have a mixed drink, which I'd never had when I drank before because I was so young.
- [127:09]
Brett Vesley
Really? Really.
- [127:10]
Thriller
And it was like absinthe and.
- [127:12]
Brett Vesley
Oh yeah, it's a good kickoff.
- [127:13]
Thriller
It's like, oh, Mitch Hedberg had a joke about absinthe. I want to try that finally. You know, and, and next thing I know, I'm in my room and it's just, you know, pounding on the door and it's the security from the casino. My gig had started 30 minutes ago.
- [127:26]
Brett Vesley
Oh.
- [127:27]
Thriller
And I'd already slept through my job.
- [127:30]
Brett Vesley
Oh my.
- [127:30]
Thriller
The first time drinking and you think that that would be like, oh, you know what?
- [127:34]
Brett Vesley
Wake up call.
- [127:35]
Thriller
I was right. I can't handle this. But that was like, it was just like, well, this Here we go.
- [127:40]
Brett Vesley
Wow. Yeah. And it lasted for another. How long?
- [127:42]
Thriller
10 years.
- [127:43]
Brett Vesley
10. 10 full solid years.
- [127:45]
Thriller
10.
- [127:45]
Brett Vesley
Great.
- [127:46]
Thriller
Great.
- [127:46]
Brett Vesley
Came here and you said, I gotta get my life. Yeah.
- [127:48]
Thriller
When I saw you guys, I thought, all right, time to turn things around.
- [127:51]
Brett Vesley
I'm drinking again. Oh, you're gonna do it again. Now we're gonna reverse you back. So what was the. What was.
- [127:56]
Thriller
Come back.
- [127:56]
Brett Vesley
What was the 10th?
- [127:57]
John Holmberg
The bottom out.
- [127:58]
Brett Vesley
Yeah. What was the one that went. That's. I. I gotta.
- [128:00]
Thriller
It was all, oh, I got Lyme disease, which.
- [128:03]
Brett Vesley
No, that's not from drinking. You can keep drinking, then we're good.
- [128:05]
Thriller
Well, you can't if you want to get better.
- [128:07]
Brett Vesley
Oh, okay.
- [128:08]
Thriller
Because. Because alcohol just totally. You know, it cuts off any sort of, like, anti.
- [128:15]
Brett Vesley
Your immune system won't fight if you're drunk. Yeah.
- [128:17]
Thriller
But also, medication won't work.
- [128:18]
Brett Vesley
Oh, no kidding.
- [128:19]
Thriller
Yeah.
- [128:20]
Brett Vesley
Oh, yeah. Antibiotics don't work.
- [128:21]
Thriller
Antibiotics don't work. Yeah. So. But also, you know, one thing that you're doing when you're drinking is you're avoiding any sort of doctor.
- [128:28]
Brett Vesley
Yeah.
- [128:29]
Thriller
Like, because you don't want to hear something's wrong. And so. But when you get Lyme disease, you have to go to the doctor, and then they have to check your blood and. And then they're gonna get real time information about what your body's doing. And when I came back after the blood drop like that, they took the next appointment. He was like, hey, so you didn't mention the drinking. And I thought I was.
- [128:49]
Brett Vesley
I.
- [128:49]
Thriller
In some way, you thought, oh, it probably won't show up. I'm so young.
- [128:52]
Brett Vesley
I'm in my.
- [128:54]
Thriller
I'm in my 30s.
- [128:55]
Brett Vesley
And, you know, science doesn't work on you.
- [128:57]
Thriller
And he said. He said, yeah, you've got a lot of enzymes. Times in your liver. And I said, well, how many? He's like 360. And I said, okay. I'm thinking, what, like 340 is probably where we want to be, you know? And he said, no, six.
- [129:12]
Brett Vesley
Oh, that's a little higher than you.
- [129:13]
Thriller
Want to be at 6. So, yeah, you're a little high. You're what they call dying.
- [129:17]
Brett Vesley
Oh, wow. That was his diagnosis. Oh, geez. That's a.
- [129:21]
Thriller
It's a very. Yeah, it's going to happen sooner than you want or think.
- [129:24]
Brett Vesley
And he told you you're going to die?
- [129:25]
Thriller
Yeah. He said, you. We need to treat this immediately.
- [129:29]
Brett Vesley
And did you say, let me have one more?
- [129:31]
Thriller
I'd already been drinking on the way to the doctor's appointment. This was a 10am appointment in Malibu and because he was like a Lyme specialist or whatever. And anyways, I left and bought a bottle of vodka immediately and took out about half of it and then called my agent and I just said, hey, I'm gonna drop a pin. I'm like leaving my car here with the keys on the tire.
- [129:56]
Brett Vesley
Wow.
- [129:57]
Thriller
And I need someone to pick me up and take me to rehab.
- [130:00]
Brett Vesley
And it happened then. And you were fine after that. It worked.
- [130:03]
Thriller
It. I mean, it worked because I needed it. I got hospitalized immediately because I were dying. Yeah. And well, the thing is, is you get into rehab and they're like, okay, let's assess where this guy's at. And for a day they thought they could like, help me come down. And then I started seizuring and they, you know, and they were like, oh, this guy needs to be. So I woke up a week later in the hospital, like, like IV'd out.
- [130:24]
Brett Vesley
And good Lord, Nick.
- [130:25]
Thriller
And then. It's so funny, I get back to the rehab and I had fought somebody. I didn't remember any of this. They found me naked outside.
- [130:34]
Brett Vesley
Oh my God.
- [130:35]
Thriller
You know, and I. And they thought. I thought I was shooting a movie. You know, I had all these kind of delirium tremor things that they have, like, going on. But about a week into being back in rehab, they gave me my phone back and I had an email from my agent that was like, hey, I want to talk to you about this tool tour. And I thought, that's weird. So I don't remember having a tour to talk about. And so I called my agent and he was like, yeah, hey, so do you want to confirm that he didn't know I was in rehab, this agent? This was a different agent. And I guess they hadn't communicated. And he said, hey, I just want to confirm that. That Mexico City tour. And I said, what? And he goes, yeah, that you met those guys in Canada, in Montreal and said you would do a tour in Mexico City. And I thought, what? No, I'm sure I might have been.
- [131:18]
Brett Vesley
I might have done that. Yeah.
- [131:19]
Thriller
So there was a drug, you know, like a cocaine filled trip and. No, Montreal, where I'd met a couple of guys from Mexico City. And I'll do it. Yeah, I'd agreed to a tour, which was. It was the first tour I did sober was I went down to Mexico.
- [131:32]
Brett Vesley
Was it good?
- [131:32]
Thriller
It was so fun.
- [131:34]
Brett Vesley
Was it?
- [131:34]
Thriller
And these guys. My agent called me, like, listen, you need to keep this guy sober.
- [131:38]
Brett Vesley
Like he's.
- [131:38]
Thriller
This is going to be a trip.
- [131:40]
Brett Vesley
So now you're like the. The comedian of choice for the cartel. They absolutely loved having you down. You didn't use any of their product.
- [131:46]
Thriller
I mean, I was using.
- [131:48]
Brett Vesley
Yeah.
- [131:48]
Thriller
At a burner phone the whole time.
- [131:50]
Brett Vesley
That's perfect. Yeah. Nothing better for a guy going to. Through sobriety to knock down a Mexico trip with some new friends.
- [131:56]
Thriller
Well, I mean, talk about. Too, like, the difficulty of my opener was doing all Spanish.
- [132:01]
Brett Vesley
Oh, wow.
- [132:01]
Thriller
So I don't do. I don't have Spanish in me.
- [132:06]
Brett Vesley
You might have when you were drinking. You just didn't know. Yeah.
- [132:08]
John Holmberg
I mean, fluent.
- [132:09]
Brett Vesley
Yeah.
- [132:10]
Thriller
I mean, here's. I was actually in an ESL class.
- [132:13]
Brett Vesley
Oh, yeah.
- [132:13]
Thriller
When I was in community college.
- [132:15]
Brett Vesley
English as a Second Language.
- [132:16]
Thriller
Yeah. Well, I took a. I took the placement test and I took. Took it in a way that I didn't care about. You know, I was just like, oh, whatever, just get this thing through. And so they. But I didn't realize they're actually going to put you in classes based off what you did on that test.
- [132:27]
Brett Vesley
Right.
- [132:28]
Thriller
And I showed up to class and I was like, I feel a little different. And I realized about 10 minutes into this class that I've been placed into in English as a Second language, and the teacher walks up to me, like, 10 minutes in, he's like, hey, man, I don't think you're supposed to be in here. And I was like, listen, I think that's my call. I honestly feel like a leader for the first time in my life.
- [132:47]
Brett Vesley
Frankly, I didn't understand a word you just said.
- [132:51]
John Holmberg
I can help people.
- [132:52]
Thriller
Yeah, I'm doing really good in here.
- [132:54]
Brett Vesley
The first B I'm gonna get. Yeah, that's the old joke is that I got a C in English and an A in Spanish, and I don't speak Spanish at all, but I can't get English right. Yeah, I would love to have been able to take those. I didn't know you could dumb down a test so bad that they weren't sure you knew the language. That's pretty impressive.
- [133:09]
Thriller
Or in a way, I did it so well that they thought I was fluent in a foreign language.
- [133:12]
Brett Vesley
Oh, that's true.
- [133:15]
Thriller
I didn't know which way to turn. Take it, to be honest.
- [133:17]
Brett Vesley
That's awesome. So what was the. Because when you're drinking and stuff and when it's fun when comedians get sober, because they always have, like, a realistic view of how it was, there's always the ending. You know, you were gonna die. But the fun of it all, there has to be a story in there. Is like, this was worth it?
- [133:35]
Thriller
Oh, none of it worth it, but a lot. There's so many stories of like, if.
- [133:41]
Brett Vesley
You weren't drunk, it wouldn't have happened. Happened?
- [133:43]
Thriller
Yeah. Like, do you know Tig Notaro? Oh, yeah, yeah. She had a festival in Washington D.C. that she did for a couple years, a long time ago. And she. She called me one morning and she said, hey, can you want to grab a coffee? And I thought, oh, fun. Yeah, you should probably. I thought she'd be so busy. It's her festival, but sure. And she's like, listen, we gotta. They want you out of the hotel. And I was like, what? Why? And she goes, well, you were. You don't remember? And I go, no. And she goes, well, you were throwing apples off the roof last. Last night.
- [134:13]
Brett Vesley
Okay. Where did you get them?
- [134:16]
Thriller
From the front desk. You know how sometimes down the front desk they have that, like that bowl? Well, I. I showed up, there was a party at the hotel, and I walked in the room with the full bowl.
- [134:24]
Brett Vesley
Right.
- [134:25]
Thriller
Because you know, it's like, hey, they're free.
- [134:26]
Brett Vesley
It's a guest. There's no one.
- [134:27]
Thriller
It doesn't say, take one.
- [134:28]
Brett Vesley
Yeah.
- [134:29]
Thriller
You know, and so I showed up to the room with all these apples and everybody's like, hahaha, Nick. You know, this is another Nick thing. And I didn't know that.
- [134:38]
Brett Vesley
Yeah.
- [134:38]
Thriller
Then I was hiding, having a throwing off the roof contest that I guess I was the only one involved in, but.
- [134:44]
Brett Vesley
And they asked Tig Notaro to stop this. Nobody from the hotel.
- [134:47]
Thriller
I think that. I think that they got a hold of the festival.
- [134:49]
Brett Vesley
Okay.
- [134:50]
Thriller
And the festival then was like, we don't know Nick. Like, Tig's the one that.
- [134:53]
Brett Vesley
Right.
- [134:53]
Thriller
Hired Nick here.
- [134:54]
Brett Vesley
So it was her job.
- [134:55]
Thriller
Yeah.
- [134:56]
Brett Vesley
To take out one of her employees. Did you, did you leave or did you say, I won't do it again.
- [134:59]
Thriller
I just moved over to the. Cross the street.
- [135:01]
Brett Vesley
They didn't have an apple.
- [135:01]
Thriller
I learned my lesson, you know, they.
- [135:03]
John Holmberg
Didn'T have any apples either.
- [135:04]
Brett Vesley
Then he's throwing bibles off the thing. Damn. And he went through every room. Room.
- [135:07]
Thriller
I mean, I. Yeah, there's. There's sadly a lot of things where I've like, met people and partied with people and I don't, you know, like.
- [135:17]
Brett Vesley
Remember and no babies. You're not. You haven't gotten that call yet?
- [135:20]
Thriller
I. I hadn't had. I've never been pregnant.
- [135:23]
Brett Vesley
Okay, good. Yeah. All right. That was. That's not really what it meant, but I'm gonna go with it.
- [135:27]
Thriller
Okay, there is one. I have a kid that was, that was through a marriage.
- [135:31]
Brett Vesley
But that was on purpose. Yes, but nobody. Nobody. That's true. Yeah. At the time, probably not. But you said, okay, I got back.
- [135:37]
Thriller
From a weekend and sent in Salt Lake City and it was like, hey, we have a baby.
- [135:42]
Brett Vesley
And I'm like, oh, but you were married to. We were just soaking, so the percentages were. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [135:46]
Thriller
Well, we were young. We were Mormon. I didn't know.
- [135:50]
Brett Vesley
Broken free of how that works.
- [135:51]
Thriller
I didn't know if you. That that whole worked, you know.
- [135:56]
Brett Vesley
It does. So you might have thought you were in the wrong input.
- [136:00]
Thriller
I mean, that's what I was hoping.
- [136:01]
Brett Vesley
Yeah. No, exactly. That's a good wife. That's why you married her.
- [136:03]
Thriller
I thought I was into an output.
- [136:04]
Brett Vesley
That's right. Yeah. If you're in an output output, you put a ring on that immediately. But if she can get pregnant from it, you need to start drinking it.
- [136:10]
Thriller
To me it was like, you know, if you take those. If you have a. A 9 volt battery and you put it in the wrong thing.
- [136:15]
Brett Vesley
Yeah.
- [136:15]
Thriller
It doesn't work.
- [136:16]
Brett Vesley
Exactly. Yeah, it can't. It's non functional, but it works in its own way.
- [136:21]
Thriller
I base all my kind of everything up 9 volts, especially sexually. Yeah.
- [136:25]
Brett Vesley
That's the best way to describe it to a kid.
- [136:27]
Thriller
You know how you check a 9 volt, you put it on your tongue, that shocks you. It still works.
- [136:31]
Brett Vesley
Same with anus.
- [136:32]
Thriller
Yep.
- [136:35]
Brett Vesley
How I test them too. Yep, there it is. Found it. Turn the lights off. We're good.
- [136:40]
Thriller
Little shocker. There we go.
- [136:41]
Brett Vesley
That's why they call it that the shocker for a reason. Nick Thune is at Stand Up Live tonight and tomorrow. So you don't remember ever being in Phoenix. So in a weird way, it's almost like when they say, you know, you kind of reborn again. You're going through all this stuff again for the first time. Yep. You have no idea what this city. I know it starts to blend for you comedians anyway. Sure enough. Different. But like there's no favorite city. You got to start over.
- [137:02]
Thriller
Yep. All new cities. Isn't that weird new?
- [137:04]
Brett Vesley
It's.
- [137:05]
Thriller
Well, I mean there's definitely some stuff.
- [137:07]
John Holmberg
Comes back like it.
- [137:08]
Thriller
Yeah.
- [137:09]
John Holmberg
Oh, believe pieces and parts.
- [137:10]
Thriller
I see bars where I'm like, oh yeah. Hey, I think we met talking to that building.
- [137:17]
Brett Vesley
I just had a guy a year ago screaming and yelling at me that he wished I would die. And like all this because I said something about a city that he didn't like. And then he called me. What do you call me? A Biden loving cuck Jew, Howard Stern wannabe. And so. And he screamed at me that, you know, I'm a piece of garbage, and all this stuff. Fast forward to about four weeks ago. He emails again and said, because we had a lot of fun with that I doing Howard Stern as a Biden loving cuck. Everything else. We were having just a great time with his email and flamed him like crazy. He emails back a month ago. I'm on his list of people to apologize to as he sobers up.
- [137:54]
Thriller
Oh, that's fun.
- [137:55]
Brett Vesley
It made me feel fantastic.
- [137:57]
Thriller
Yeah.
- [137:57]
Brett Vesley
Like, that was great. Who did you have to apologize to? Anybody. You're like, this is gonna be a rough one.
- [138:01]
Thriller
Yeah. Making amends is one of those things too. And, you know, I didn't want to make it like, oh, Nick's sober. I can't wait to get a phone call.
- [138:09]
Brett Vesley
Yeah, I didn't expect that, though. I might be upset, but, like, if.
- [138:12]
John Holmberg
You never contacted me, if you.
- [138:14]
Brett Vesley
If you just went on some lunatic binge email against some radio guy you never met.
- [138:19]
Thriller
Yeah.
- [138:19]
Brett Vesley
Why would you just skip that one? Right?
- [138:21]
Thriller
Well, because he probably actually really loved loves you, you know?
- [138:24]
Brett Vesley
No, he actually was a. He found out about me through what I said through some sort of a third party. And he's like, I don't know who you are, but now I know you're nothing more than that. And he went off, and I'm gonna.
- [138:34]
John Holmberg
Do what I can to cancel.
- [138:35]
Brett Vesley
You called me like a Jew and everything, and I was a little upset because I'm not Jewish. I'm like, I think that makes me kind of a bigot.
- [138:40]
Thriller
You know what I bet he got into? I bet he got into a lot of online hate, you know, like, oh, yeah, it might have been kind of his big thing that he went down. He's like, I gotta.
- [138:48]
Brett Vesley
Yeah. So it ate him out.
- [138:49]
Thriller
He's like, dear Costco.
- [138:51]
Brett Vesley
Right.
- [138:52]
Thriller
Sorry about all the emails and Twitter.
- [138:55]
Brett Vesley
I wonder if there is some Yelp review. We had to go back and go, look, I need to talk to the manager. I'm that guy. But a year later, he tells me, so you had to. You had to go through the amends process.
- [139:02]
Thriller
Yeah.
- [139:03]
Brett Vesley
And you had no, like, radio dj you had offended.
- [139:06]
Thriller
No. And I have had people come up to me and mention things where I'm like, oh, I didn't know that I needed you on my list.
- [139:10]
Brett Vesley
Yeah. Oh, no kidding. So there's a few things you should have apologed for.
- [139:13]
Thriller
Just yeah, yeah. There's. It's. You know, and you're like, okay, well let me hear you out. You know, and it's like, oh, did.
- [139:18]
Brett Vesley
Anyone say no because I told this guy I didn't accept his apology at all.
- [139:21]
Thriller
Well, no, because there is a.
- [139:23]
Brett Vesley
Being drunk doesn't. That he wasn't allowed to be a bigot too?
- [139:27]
Thriller
Yeah, no, I mean that's.
- [139:28]
John Holmberg
And did you ever receive that like if you ever did that, someone said, well appreciate you coming out, you know, saying that.
- [139:34]
Brett Vesley
But I didn't say that.
- [139:35]
John Holmberg
Not.
- [139:36]
Brett Vesley
I told him.
- [139:37]
John Holmberg
I know. I'm just saying that ever happened like someone I'm you. You tortured too bad.
- [139:42]
Thriller
Yeah, no, I believe everything anybody says. And. And also like if anybody were to say like, hey, you did this be like, well, it doesn't sound like me, but yeah, I'll give you the benefits.
- [139:51]
Brett Vesley
Yeah.
- [139:51]
Thriller
But the I def. There were definitely people that take it and they say like I appreciate it.
- [139:57]
Brett Vesley
Yeah.
- [139:57]
Thriller
And you can tell that it's like that's where it's gonna end.
- [139:59]
Brett Vesley
Yeah.
- [140:01]
Thriller
And I'm not. And it's not like, hey, I'm trying to rebuild anything here. I want you. You deserve all the feelings that you have. I just want you to know I'm aware. I'm so sorry.
- [140:11]
Brett Vesley
Yeah.
- [140:11]
Thriller
And.
- [140:12]
Brett Vesley
And you're moving.
- [140:13]
Thriller
Yeah.
- [140:13]
Brett Vesley
Yeah. I told that guy wished him back on the bottle. Is that bad for my. From the apologized guy. No, that's good. I wished him right back on the bottle and I hope he's. I hope he. I hope it ends ugly.
- [140:23]
Thriller
Yeah. I mean that's the kind of humor that he likes.
- [140:25]
Brett Vesley
Well. Yeah. And plus. Plus a year earlier he was trying to get me fired from my job. Had had boozy that I didn't know drunk. Oh man, I'm mad at him again. Nick had had it work because he's calling advertisers. Oh man. He went that far. He put a list of things up. He's trying to get me fired.
- [140:40]
Thriller
No wonder he got a hold of.
- [140:41]
Brett Vesley
You ruined lives and stuff like that. That and had it worked and then a year later I get his apology. I'd have killed him.
- [140:47]
Thriller
Well, Jackson Brown has a lyric that I go back to when it comes to this and it says don't. Is it don't confront me with my failures because I've forgotten them. That's the end of his song. That song he wrote when he was like 16. That's like sounds like an 80 year old wrote.
- [141:04]
Brett Vesley
Yeah, that's brilliant sentence.
- [141:06]
Thriller
Yeah. And I like to take that and think, you know, because there are some things that people bring up. They're like, hey, I hosted a. I hosted a fourth of July party in a neighborhood in la, this neighborhood called Atwater Village. And it was like they closed all the streets down. And the guy that was putting it on was like, we want you to like, MC this thing. And I was like, great. You know, and it's families and, you know, streets and like. And I mean, it's a thing where people are like, oh, this guy's a comedian that lives in the neighborhood. We're all aware of him in some way. And, you know, that's weird. He's doing 911 jokes at 11am and I remember this. I remember this lady coming out to me and giving me like one of those, like, cut it off, like, sort of things. Except all the adults were loving it, you know, and I. I had picked a local restaurant called Bon Vivant that just sucks. I mean, and. And I kept saying how we were sponsored by Bon Vivant and they really want to do better for the neighborhood. And, you know, and I kind of kept going up. I mean, it was a really good bit, to be honest. I. I kept going up with notes from Bon Vivant. Please stop.
- [142:08]
John Holmberg
Maybe that was the lady was the owner.
- [142:09]
Thriller
Yeah, that's what I always wondered. Yeah. That she. Somebody came up, they go, they go, hey, hey, can you cut enough of the Bon Vivant stuff? And I said like, oh, yeah, yeah, no problem.
- [142:19]
Brett Vesley
All right.
- [142:20]
Thriller
So Bon Vivant is. I mean, I can't tell you a place I want to go and I want to get overcharged, I think.
- [142:26]
Brett Vesley
So at a Fourth of July thing, you're rocking Bond event. 911 gags.
- [142:30]
Thriller
Bond volant, bon vivant, 911.
- [142:32]
Brett Vesley
Is there a bounce house? I'm picturing a bounce house.
- [142:34]
Thriller
Oh, there is a. Yeah, there's a big blow up. I mean, it's the streets closed down. There's a three legged race happening, father son stuff. And so I get sober, and then I'm in an AA meeting and someone comes up to me, they're like, hey, I saw you host that fourth of July party in Atwater Village. I'm really glad to see you in here. And I was like, hey, shut up.
- [142:59]
Brett Vesley
That's not right.
- [142:59]
Thriller
That's not what we're supposed to do in here. That is not how this building works. Because, yeah, I wake up regretting that.
- [143:07]
Brett Vesley
Yeah, see, I now regret that there isn't enough video out there of this event. I would watch that. I'm the type of Person that would love that. Somebody losing it in front of a family festival, I'm like, oh, this is a bad booking. This is gonna be my favorite part of it.
- [143:22]
Thriller
Well, if it was at a comedy club or at an event that was like, we want you to do your humor. It was like, we want you to be funny and charming, but also help us kind of of like, build this neighborhood vibe, you know? And it was like, that's not what I did.
- [143:35]
Brett Vesley
Yeah, that's awesome.
- [143:36]
Thriller
But also, the adults, a lot of them loved it.
- [143:38]
Brett Vesley
Of course it's funny.
- [143:40]
Thriller
Yeah. And then there's this. These jerks, you know, that.
- [143:42]
Brett Vesley
The unfunny people. Those kids, they hate them. How old is your kid?
- [143:47]
Thriller
He is 11.
- [143:47]
Brett Vesley
Okay. And he's so. He's unaware of. Well, he probably knows it happened. But he never saw you as.
- [143:53]
Thriller
Yeah, no, he. He was five when I got sober.
- [143:55]
Brett Vesley
Oh, okay.
- [143:56]
Thriller
Somebody in rehab told me. They said, hey, my dad got sober when I was five, and I. I don't remember anything great. And I just thought, well, then that.
- [144:03]
Brett Vesley
Means, yeah, I got a shot.
- [144:04]
Thriller
This has got a stick.
- [144:05]
Brett Vesley
Yeah. So there's no, like, signs of, like, you. Like, he doesn't know? No.
- [144:10]
Thriller
And he. He has asked me why I don't drink.
- [144:12]
Brett Vesley
Oh, no kidding?
- [144:13]
Thriller
Yeah.
- [144:13]
Brett Vesley
He's 5. That's a perceptible kid.
- [144:15]
Thriller
He was 5. No. Now he's 11.
- [144:16]
Brett Vesley
Oh, that's right. What am I saying? Yeah.
- [144:17]
Thriller
You know, but, like, he'll be like. He's gone out with, like, his mom, and, you know, she is a normal person that has drinks, but her and her friends have drinks and they talk about it and wine, and they don't.
- [144:26]
Brett Vesley
Throw out apples of people. Yeah.
- [144:27]
Thriller
And he wonders why I don't. Why don't you guys ever have wine? It's like, well, because Daddy has a problem.
- [144:32]
Brett Vesley
Daddy turns into the trees from the wizard of Oz. Yeah.
- [144:34]
John Holmberg
He's pulling one of these.
- [144:35]
Brett Vesley
That's pretty.
- [144:36]
John Holmberg
Why don't we go to a bon vivant, dad?
- [144:38]
Brett Vesley
Well, I'm. How come we never hit the bon vivant? Oh, boy. I gotta start drinking. The kid has a pension for bon vivant.
- [144:46]
Thriller
It just reminded me of. I did go up and say, hey, somebody here asked me to stop talking about bon vivant. And they can frankly go bon vivant themselves. I remember thinking, like, this is a tip of my career right here. I'm coming up with some good bon vivant stuff.
- [145:01]
Brett Vesley
It's never gonna be better than it is today. Nick Thune is at Stand Up Live Tonight and tomorrow standuplive.com is how you get those tickets. I'm glad for you. I'm happy that you're on the right track and stuff, and that's. You just got to stay that way.
- [145:14]
Thriller
And if the shows aren't good, I might go off the rails and pack these out.
- [145:17]
Brett Vesley
So it's up to the audience on whether or not you saved this man from his. Himself.
- [145:20]
Thriller
Yeah.
- [145:20]
Brett Vesley
Yeah. Because so long as you're. As a. The audience has a lot of responsibility when it comes to somebody who's walking on eggshell.
- [145:26]
Thriller
They really do.
- [145:27]
Brett Vesley
Yeah.
- [145:28]
Thriller
I need that.
- [145:28]
Brett Vesley
It's something. You absolutely must have. Their acceptance or. They have no one to blame but themselves.
- [145:33]
Thriller
We'll call there. It's their fault.
- [145:35]
Brett Vesley
Yeah, exactly. Well, there is a weird thing. Mitch Hedberg was here. People were throwing pills on the stage at him.
- [145:40]
Thriller
I've had that.
- [145:41]
Brett Vesley
Have you.
- [145:42]
Thriller
I've had people come up to be like, hey, do you want. You want pills? And I go, you know, like, they throw a joint on stage. And this one lady at some. I think it was in Iowa somewhere, she was like, hey, do you. Do you want any pills? And I was like, yeah.
- [145:52]
Brett Vesley
What.
- [145:52]
Thriller
What do you got? You know? And she's like. She was like, I've got morphine. And I was like, oh, no.
- [145:58]
Brett Vesley
With her?
- [145:59]
Thriller
Yeah.
- [146:00]
Brett Vesley
Was she like a nurse?
- [146:01]
Thriller
Yeah, I.
- [146:02]
Brett Vesley
Maybe morphine in your pocket.
- [146:03]
John Holmberg
She was. That night.
- [146:04]
Brett Vesley
That's crazy.
- [146:06]
Thriller
Yeah.
- [146:06]
Brett Vesley
Yeah. You don't do. So you had lines you drew. There was stuff you wouldn't do.
- [146:09]
Thriller
Yeah. I thought, I'm not trying to go to sleep right now.
- [146:11]
Brett Vesley
Yeah. You like the. The fun?
- [146:12]
Thriller
Yeah. I mean, I liked downers, for sure, but.
- [146:14]
Brett Vesley
Yeah. And up peppers.
- [146:16]
Thriller
Yeah.
- [146:18]
Brett Vesley
Yeah. That's crazy.
- [146:19]
Thriller
You gotta even those out somehow.
- [146:20]
Brett Vesley
I don't even eat food people make at their own house. If they're like, you want my cookies? I'm like, no. Yeah. But to have somebody offer me pills.
- [146:26]
Thriller
Especially now, now you can't do that.
- [146:28]
Brett Vesley
Fentanyl cookies.
- [146:30]
Thriller
You could get some Percocet and be just fine.
- [146:32]
Brett Vesley
No. Yeah. Because now it's like. Could be mixed with anything.
- [146:34]
Thriller
Oh, yeah.
- [146:34]
Brett Vesley
But you're hanging around Montreal with the cartel. God knows what you put in there.
- [146:37]
Thriller
And I remember the first time, like, a waitress at a comedy club gave me a Percocet, and I remember taking and thinking, wow, this is what it's like to feel like you're living at 100%. You know, finally, I might just feel myself. Yeah.
- [146:50]
Brett Vesley
Really?
- [146:50]
Thriller
This is the best feeling I've ever had.
- [146:52]
Brett Vesley
No kidding. Well, stop talking about it that way, because you're making me want to do it. You've oppo. Rehabbed me right into, like, Yeah, I don't have a problem. Sounds pretty great.
- [147:02]
Thriller
Cut to me detoxing off pills without knowing it in Africa. Yeah.
- [147:06]
Brett Vesley
You went to Africa to get off pills?
- [147:08]
Thriller
I went to Africa not knowing I was addicted to pills to do this documentary, and I started getting sick, and I thought, oh, I must had some water or something, and I got taken to the Nairobi hospital.
- [147:18]
Brett Vesley
And that's just a bad sentence.
- [147:21]
Thriller
Turns out, I mean, it was really beautiful, clean, nice. But turns out, like, almost immediately realized, oh, I'm coming off.
- [147:29]
Brett Vesley
Oh, you were just detoxing?
- [147:30]
Thriller
Yeah, I brought some with me, but I ran out and I thought, I'll be fine.
- [147:35]
Brett Vesley
You decided to take opiates to Africa?
- [147:37]
Thriller
Yeah, And I put them in, like, he has, like, an icebreakers kind of gum thing. Thing. Yeah. And I just put a whole bunch of. I. When I saw that, I remembered every time I see him, I remember I just put a ton of Percocet. My icebreaker.
- [147:51]
Brett Vesley
Somebody offers you a mint, you're like, God, I hope this is what I think it is. I'm gonna be 100% fresh for the day. Wow, that's. So you put them in icebreakers and never once worried?
- [148:02]
Thriller
No, no.
- [148:03]
Brett Vesley
I'd be scared to death. Brittany Griner should have took me. How to get out of Russia. This is amazing. Amazing. Oh, your life's. It's fascinating.
- [148:12]
Thriller
I did a lot of drug traveling, but now it's not as hard, I don't think. But back then.
- [148:15]
Brett Vesley
Get it in and out of there.
- [148:16]
Thriller
Weed getting. I used to traveling with weed, you know, 10, 15 years ago was.
- [148:20]
Brett Vesley
Oh, it's scary.
- [148:21]
Thriller
It was an art.
- [148:21]
Brett Vesley
Yeah. My God.
- [148:23]
Thriller
Turkey baster bags?
- [148:25]
Brett Vesley
Really?
- [148:25]
Thriller
Oh, yeah, because the scent stays in those. They're oven bags.
- [148:29]
Brett Vesley
Well, you're giving tips now to the kids. That's smart.
- [148:32]
Thriller
Well, now you can just have it now.
- [148:33]
Brett Vesley
Yeah. Now you can have weed, but only in certain quantities. Those turkey baster bags are pretty big, aren't they?
- [148:38]
Thriller
I mean, yeah, but you got to fit those between your butt and your.
- [148:40]
Brett Vesley
Oh, that's true. Getting it in your ass is hard. Well, isn't that the truth with everything?
- [148:45]
Thriller
I mean, I. I could. I guess I could Travel with an 8.
- [148:47]
Brett Vesley
You know, Nick, at Stand Up Life, leave us with words of wisdom, sir. Help the world become better like you have.
- [148:54]
Thriller
I think happiness is, like, you know, something that I always encourage people to have. And I see people that are happy. And I always ask them how they did it. And I saw this guy recently and I was really, really kind of watching him and finally I said, how do you do it? And he said, I'm 7 years old. And. And I said, that's. How'd you do that? And he. He said, where's my mom, please? Deep kid. Yeah.
- [149:20]
Brett Vesley
And it's true. Be more like a 7 year old. I think that's a beautiful message. I love it. Nick, thanks for coming in, man. Good to see you this time. And we'll meet again in a couple more years. Yeah, that's perfect. Nick Thune, everybody. It's 98 KUPD. Hey.
- [149:31]
John Holmberg
It's not weird. It's pretty cool actually. No membership.
- [149:35]
Brett Vesley
I have heard enough of this for you. P.D. hornburg's morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. Nick's great. Got to go see Nick soon this week. What a great weekend we've got here. Tons of great comedians. You got a load of stuff to do. The NHRA Brett will be out there tomorrow. Know what? Wild Horse Raceway. What do they call that now? Is that what it is? I thought they turned it back to Firebird for a minute, but I can't. I don't know.
- [150:08]
John Holmberg
You know, sports park.
- [150:10]
Brett Vesley
Follow the noise, follow the sound when your body starts shaking. Yeah. Firebird Motorsports Park. Okay. Arizona Nationals tomorrow. Got that out there. Get suns tonight. You got Thriller just walked in. We've got the. The Guadalupe Squares coming up. Can't help it. Beautiful thing. And then geez. Yeah, there's a lot going going on. Perfect weather. Spring training still around. Enjoy it. You're in paradise. We're thrilled with it. It's time now for Brady to give you all the entertaining news he knows. It's brought to you by our friends@reactdefense.com the home of tactical black self defense training. Check out their schedule. Other seminars coming up. The CCW class where you can go through the whole entire seminar. Walk out of there with a CCW papers and you can get the concealed carry through their work because that are connected that. That. Well, I talked to a couple of people who are. Who know people who go there. They're police officers who go there and they don't want to say, but they want to say it's like the training has actually taken their police work and possibly I won't say made Them better, but it's taking the training to the next level. And in one case, and he asked me not to say details and stuff saved lives. And actually the training at Tactical Black saved lives. In a police situation, they'd have. They work with police, they work with military, they work with all sorts of stuff. And the best thing was the other day we were doing a drill and realized there's a better way it's ever evolving. It isn't like some. Some technique that's like it has to be like this. It basically teaches you your instincts have skills without you thinking about it. It gives you skills without thinking about it. If you take your instincts and work with them and make them a little stronger, they become actual skills and not instincts anymore. And then you can move forward and be smarter and better. Be a sheepdog. Stop being a sheep. They teach you that right away. It's an awesome feeling. You'll get in shape while you do it. And the low, low price of $199 for two months of personal training, getting that nowhere but reactdefense.com it's the home of Tactical Black Brady Entertainment.
- [152:05]
John Holmberg
Here's how cold it was in Montana when they were filming 1923. That's the Taylor Sheridan with Harrison Ford and Helen Murin. They wore electric underwear, plugged in, heated. It was 20 below.
- [152:18]
Brett Vesley
That sounds nice.
- [152:19]
John Holmberg
And some of the scenes they weren't faking. They were out in the actual west weather.
- [152:22]
Brett Vesley
They're in the mess.
- [152:24]
John Holmberg
And Helen said even though she had these heated underwear, it was still too cold for me.
- [152:29]
Brett Vesley
She's an old one, Harrison.
- [152:30]
John Holmberg
Like you just gotta buck up.
- [152:32]
Brett Vesley
Like I told you yesterday, I'm in a spring training game and the lady in front of me in her 80s had a blanket. She's in her 80s. The temperature's in there. Old women are cold no matter what. So negative 20. You could light them on fire and they'd still. It's freezing. I think women are in general, actually. Well, that's true. I don't know that it's an age thing. Me. Right. I'm going to bring my jacket. It's 90, right? Yeah, but if the sun goes down, it'll be 83. I just bet. Just in case. I keep a hoodie in the car all the time. Just because. Yeah, just in case. I mean, it's sort of like just. Why don't we carry an umbrella anywhere? Well, because it's probably not going to rain. Well, it's probably going to stay 90 most of the day. You still have a Coat. It's August. Yeah. Why do you have. What's wrong with you? Well, if we go inside somewhere, it'll probably be air conditioned. Jesus Christ. Their optimum temperature is somewhere between 72.4 and 72.5. We found it yet? Where they're coming. We're close sometimes. And then menopause rolls up.
- [153:27]
John Holmberg
Oh.
- [153:30]
Brett Vesley
Boy. Evidently, somebody.
- [153:32]
John Holmberg
Talk about heat.
- [153:33]
Brett Vesley
Somebody's been through it. And my friend. My friend's wife goes through it and she just sweats like a hog sometimes because I gotta go. Turns into a man. I'm getting out of here. Are you all right? No. And she leaves. And he goes, she's going through menopause. It's been like three years of her being uncomfortable, comfortable. And I'm like, how long for you? He goes, 14.
- [153:53]
John Holmberg
Entertainment Weekly put together a list of the best reality stars of the 2000s.
- [154:00]
Brett Vesley
He had Johnny Snakeskin. What was that guy's name? Johnny. Oh, he had a.
- [154:07]
John Holmberg
A couple of these, like. Oh, yeah, I remember Boston Rob.
- [154:09]
Brett Vesley
Boston Rob, yeah.
- [154:11]
John Holmberg
Survivor. Ozzy Osbourne from the Osborne Borns.
- [154:15]
Brett Vesley
Oh, those kind of shows. The 2000s or 1994. Okay. San Francisco. Really?
- [154:20]
John Holmberg
Harris Hilton and Nicole Richie.
- [154:22]
Brett Vesley
Simple, early 2000s.
- [154:23]
John Holmberg
Trister. Trista Sutter.
- [154:26]
Brett Vesley
Yeah. Bachelor Johnny Fairplay is who I'm thinking of. You remember that? Yeah.
- [154:32]
John Holmberg
Omarosa Pratt and Heidi Montec Ct Tambarella.
- [154:39]
Brett Vesley
He's been on all of the challenges, and he came in here once. He's fat now, too.
- [154:44]
John Holmberg
Kelly Clarkson and Justin Guarini from American idol.
- [154:47]
Brett Vesley
That was 2000s, season one. That was. That was 2000. Okay. Yeah.
- [154:52]
John Holmberg
Snooki.
- [154:54]
Brett Vesley
Yeah.
- [154:54]
John Holmberg
The kids from number one and two. Flavor Flav and Tiffany. New York Pollard from the Surreal Life.
- [155:03]
Brett Vesley
What?
- [155:03]
John Holmberg
In Flavor of Love, and I love New York. I don't remember Tiffany. New York Pollard.
- [155:07]
Brett Vesley
That's her name.
- [155:08]
John Holmberg
Yeah.
- [155:09]
Brett Vesley
Oh. Oh, that was. Her nickname was New York. Okay. Was she the one that took the dump on the stairs on Flavor Flav's Flavor of Love? Remember her?
- [155:18]
John Holmberg
Yeah, that was Tiffany, huh?
- [155:20]
Brett Vesley
Just like Cardi B. Well, no, I'm. When you see the picture, you'll. She pooped on the stairs. That picture right there. Yeah, yeah, she absolutely does. I'm. I don't remember if she pooped on the stairs or not, but that was a great episode of television. Brett Michaels didn't make it for.
- [155:36]
John Holmberg
He's probably on the list. I just went through the top 10.
- [155:39]
Brett Vesley
Okay.
- [155:42]
John Holmberg
We had a celebrity. Death Wings Hower from Vice Squad.
- [155:48]
Brett Vesley
Vice Squad. He sang the song Neon Slime in the movie. Twice in the Beginning and the end.
- [155:53]
John Holmberg
That is a. I recognized him when it.
- [155:55]
Brett Vesley
Oh, you know Wings Hower when you see it. Great. Vice Squad was one of my favorite movies as a kid. It was on Showtime always ways and my friend Mike had it Showtime. And every time it was on we'd watch their sex scenes in it. So when we were younger it was kind of cool.
- [156:08]
John Holmberg
He's 77 years old, died of from complications from COPD.
- [156:13]
Brett Vesley
He had a. Oh, if you ever.
- [156:15]
John Holmberg
Seen that is in Yellowstone.
- [156:17]
Brett Vesley
Oh, is that his kid?
- [156:18]
John Holmberg
Yeah.
- [156:18]
Brett Vesley
I didn't know that his. Yeah, that. What's it called? Night Squad. Vice Squad.
- [156:23]
John Holmberg
Vice Squad.
- [156:24]
Brett Vesley
Oh my God. That is a must see from me.
- [156:28]
John Holmberg
He was in Jojo Dancer.
- [156:31]
Brett Vesley
Your life is calling.
- [156:32]
John Holmberg
Life is calling. Tough guys don't dance. I think he started out young and restless.
- [156:40]
Brett Vesley
Yeah, the Neon Slime song in that movie. I used to sing that all the time that movie. I'd probably seen that 25 times. It was on when we first got cable. It was on all the time.
- [156:52]
John Holmberg
Apple TV is losing over a billion dollars a year.
- [156:57]
Brett Vesley
I don't believe you. There you go. You got I think Neon Slime. Oh yeah. By Wings Hauser. Dominic Hauser. But I'm sure maybe he got redone by someone named Dominic Hauser. It starts the movie and it ends the movie. And his character is a creep. Oh, I haven't thought about this movie. Is that him? Yeah. Okay, it sounds like you gotta go see that movie. Oh, it's such a bad 80s. It's about a maniacal pimp. Oh, it's. You'd love it. All right.
- [157:37]
John Holmberg
They say they lose a billion a year. But that's okay because last year they reported the their earnings were 94 billion. Apple.
- [157:45]
Brett Vesley
Oh, so the TV station.
- [157:46]
John Holmberg
The TV is just. You know, they get so many awards and the. Some of the best programming. Coast loves it.
- [157:55]
Brett Vesley
Yep. They don't care. It's a write off severance and stuff like that. Don't how you lose a billion though. You could be trying.
- [158:04]
John Holmberg
You just pumping so much money into the production that you're of.
- [158:08]
Brett Vesley
What? I mean, they did Blackbird and a good show. I know. That's what I'm saying.
- [158:13]
John Holmberg
Yeah, whatever costs.
- [158:14]
Brett Vesley
Or. Well, I guess because I don't know their cruddy shows. There could be some expensive, expensive ones.
- [158:19]
John Holmberg
Joey Ramon's life is being turned into a children's book about being your own person with your own compass, embracing uniqueness. It comes out in June. It's called Gabba Gabba. We accept you. The wondrous tale Of Joey Ramone.
- [158:37]
Brett Vesley
What? Kids interested in the Ramones. The kids heard of the Ramones, right? What child? You don't even know the Ramones. Ramones who? What? Yeah, he thought Joey Fatone.
- [158:48]
John Holmberg
He didn't even.
- [158:49]
Brett Vesley
That makes sense to Thriller. Joey Fatone makes sense. It would be a weight loss book and like how to be the ugliest one in a boy band but and still find success. You don't know who Joey Ramone is at all. He knows the Ramones. That's him. But he hasn't been. It's been 45 years since he'd been religious.
- [159:11]
John Holmberg
All adults are buying that it's a.
- [159:14]
Brett Vesley
Novelty to help their kids.
- [159:17]
John Holmberg
No, they're just remote.
- [159:18]
Brett Vesley
He died in 2001. Brady. Adults our age.
- [159:21]
John Holmberg
That's what I'm saying.
- [159:22]
Brett Vesley
They don't have kids.
- [159:24]
John Holmberg
I know, but they'll buy that book.
- [159:26]
Thriller
Huh?
- [159:27]
Brett Vesley
This might be a way. I think Apple's gonna lose another billion on this one.
- [159:30]
John Holmberg
Yeah. Way to go, Tim.
- [159:32]
Brett Vesley
Your book. Your book company sucks too.
- [159:36]
John Holmberg
The estate of Notorious B.I.G. has sold half its rights. Originally, Sean Combs had 85% of it.
- [159:48]
Brett Vesley
Do something about that.
- [159:49]
John Holmberg
Well, he had 100%. Sorry. Then when he passed away, he gave up 85% to his mom and then eventually gave the rest of the other 15%. She passed away. But it's owned by this company called Primary Wave Music. And they just. They're taking a 50 share now. 200 million.
- [160:14]
Brett Vesley
Wow. Biggie's 200 million for Biggie Smalls Estate. 50%. That's half. My goodness. All right. Well, there you go. We have NHRA tickets still. Yes. As we got out. All right, we'll get out there. Brett will be out there tomorrow. You can go visit him. He'll be out there at 9:30. I believe it's in our section too.
- [160:29]
John Holmberg
So I'll be.
- [160:31]
Brett Vesley
And that's usually right there. Yeah, right. I don't know exactly where it is this time, but that's. It's usually right there in the starting line. That's solid. Yeah, it's great. If you haven't been or if you have been and you want to take somebody who's never been. I talked to Kevin Ray yesterday and he's like, I haven't been to that. I don't know if it was. We were down at the end. I'm like, oh, you need to be up front. So if Kevin gives the green light, I'll be joining you tomorrow too. Because I. I don't care so much about going. I want to take somebody who's never been. I'd take Thriller, but you can't run from the noise fast enough. I think you'd fall down. We can't have Thriller there unless we build a little cage around him for safety. Let's call Kevin for the Squares. Nhra. Oh, we gotta send Thriller and just put a camera.
- [161:06]
John Holmberg
That would be fantastic.
- [161:07]
Brett Vesley
Oh, my God. It's probably got girls badminton or something on the AM station to.
- [161:11]
Thriller
You know.
- [161:12]
Brett Vesley
That's true. You had. Well, the problem with Thriller is he told us he hates the Forrest Gump thing because those braces didn't work for him the way they did for Forrest. I guarantee you, NHRA Engine goes off, you might be running like forest watching those things blow up off your legs again. It'll normalize a run. Let's get ourselves all ready to go. We need a girl, we need a boy for the Guadalupe Squares. We'll give you those tickets if you win. 585-9800. That's coming up next. It's 98.
- [161:35]
John Holmberg
It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fee.
- [161:39]
Brett Vesley
I have heard enough of this morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. There you go. Hey. Thank you, Local H. What a lovely guest that was. No, they said all the songs we play are live. I don't know if you guys knew that or not. Yeah, they knock them out. I know. Thank you, Thriller. It's something we've worked on for a long time, but I'll hear Local H. They're bound for the floor. And this is the. The tragedy of letting Brett be the screen call, call screener. We'll find out in a little bit why I said that, but.
- [162:16]
John Holmberg
Oh, this is great.
- [162:17]
Brett Vesley
Today's contest might be rigged.
- [162:18]
John Holmberg
What?
- [162:19]
Brett Vesley
What are you talking about? Considered Palladio. No, I don't think so. Jesus God. That's not me. That's not me. Everybody realize that was a thing, but yeah, Bretel. Pretty hilarious. Anyway, Thrillers here. And let's all hear it for Thriller. This weekend. It's worse than NCAA girls basketball, which is what usually eats up your weekends over at the KDUS radio station that nobody listens to. This weekend you've got minor league soccer, you've got oversee.
- [162:45]
John Holmberg
Yep.
- [162:46]
Brett Vesley
Phoenix Riser. I know what they're called. I don't want to get mad at me and start dead, but, you know. Oh, I can't Imagine being the guy running the board on that. That's not so bad. Who's the guy we should be watching?
- [162:59]
John Holmberg
Who's the star player we should watch on the Rising?
- [163:01]
Brett Vesley
Oh, I haven't. Like I've looked into this season's roster yet that. You don't have to just make like Steve Moynihan. He's great. Steve Moynihan is one of the best minor league soccer players I've ever seen. Kevin Ray. Kevin Ray, also very good. Yeah. 61 year old Kevin Ray, voice of the Suns. He's a. He's a power wing. I don't know.
- [163:18]
John Holmberg
Dave Har.
- [163:19]
Brett Vesley
Dave Har. He's great too. Yeah, everybody in our sales department's down there. Well, so you're having a tough weekend and that's we. I just said it right before we. In the air. I'm like, man, this week went fast. It's almost 10 already on a Friday. And then Thriller just quietly in the back goes. Not for me. Because it's been NCAA girls basketball all week, more or less. Yeah, and baseball too. And baseball too. The poor bastard. Anyway, let's hear it for Thriller, everybody. The poor kid. And he is your host of D Squad. Lupe Squares. All right, thank you, Chancellor. Let's begin Top Love Square. Hopefully he's doing better. Tracy Morgan. I was listening to your broadcast. Thriller.
- [163:54]
John Holmberg
That'll explain it.
- [163:54]
Brett Vesley
I listen to Katie west all the time and it makes me sick. I had him on my earbuds. Yeah, I saw the damage. That was quite the splatter there. You don't have to worry about it. It's not drugs, alcohol, is it? Just a bad wiener. Brady knows. Oh, yeah, that much damage. Sometimes you just see the winner too hard and next thing you know you start puking all over. What? By the way, Brett, you're an insult to the brick.
- [164:13]
John Holmberg
What I do?
- [164:13]
Brett Vesley
I heard you say he was going to try to take Willow to the driver. Just because his leg does that don't mean you can take him dragon places. Oh, I heard about the fact the drag jokes ain't funny. Is your favorite band? Imagine Dragons. See?
- [164:26]
John Holmberg
Exactly.
- [164:27]
Brett Vesley
He's heard them all. He doesn't need you doing that one. Go to drags with me, by the way. Go Nicks.
- [164:34]
John Holmberg
Wanna know?
- [164:36]
Brett Vesley
Wanna know? Since I barfed all over the floor. By the way, I apologize a little bit for you not even trying to get up. I put some Febreze on that. Smelled the whole room. Nice though. You wouldn't even notice that I threw up four pounds of hot dogs. After eating one. If a breeze fixed everything, Brady, you could do it in your house. And so it won't smell so much like smoked meat all the time. Make me hungry every time I'm Braids. Take a bite of his couch. Oh, God. Well, at least you're improving a little bit here.
- [165:03]
John Holmberg
Let's hop on track to the top.
- [165:05]
Brett Vesley
Middle square we have Jason Statham of names. How are you doing, Thriller?
- [165:08]
John Holmberg
Good.
- [165:08]
Brett Vesley
How about yourself?
- [165:09]
John Holmberg
Pretty good.
- [165:09]
Brett Vesley
Good. Be here. I've got a movie coming out next week. What's it about? From the director of the Beekeeper. Oh, and you know I'm here now, Brady. I left to promote the movie and I got here so fast, I'm a week early. It's amazing because I'm Jason Statham. I work very fast. Hey, Holmberg. But me, right? We're allowed to talk to him, right? I suppose. What did Kato Kalin call you? Oh, he said I look like Jason Statham with a really big nose. Right. I don't see it. I see the nose. I don't see the rest of it because I'm quite handsome. Even if I had a big nose, I'd still be good looking. You're not. All right, are we done talking? Well, I didn't know we could talk to you from the director of Jewkeeper, Jason Statham with a really big nose. You're not even fast. I bet your Thriller could beat you in a foot. Right. Before we make him any angrier, let's hop on over to the top. You know, it's Trump. That's exactly right. The right square. The Presidential square. I want a beautiful square. What a great square. I just changed some names to things of America again. It's pretty great. I call Mexico Little America down there. That's a nice one. I like that. The Caribbean is now known as the American sea. Oh, I like that a lot. I think that's really good. Even the land parts. Okay. Why not? They're my bitch too. Why not? I'll just do that. The Department of Justice is now called Trump's rehabilitation for liberal Lefties. We're gonna take care of a lot of people. It's gonna be great.
- [166:41]
John Holmberg
Fueled by liberal tears.
- [166:42]
Brett Vesley
A lot of them. A lot of them, yeah. Filled with the tears of a liberal. In fact, Elon Musk is working on that right now. But they don't want the electric cars. They're bombing the Tesla. So you know what Elon's done? He's a very smart man. He's taken the tears of the liberals at all of These rallies. And he's made its fuel. He's made it fuel for his brand new environmental car.
- [166:59]
John Holmberg
Incredible.
- [167:00]
Brett Vesley
Keep crying, Libs, because we'll keep doing. You keep burning down Tesla. He' things out of you. I've made everyone my bitch, Brady. And I'm gonna run for a third term. Why not? I'm gonna start today.
- [167:10]
John Holmberg
Let's do this.
- [167:10]
Brett Vesley
I'm gonna. I'm gonna get reelected again now for another four years. At the end of this, I don't sleep. I'm on meth. I'm always up and I'm always mad. It's a wonderful thing. Meth is the secret method. I'm always up. I'm always doing stuff. It's great. You don't want to get to you, do you? I don't let anything get to me, Thriller. I don't let it. Like you. I look around and I see everybody and I'm like, what? Thrillers and overcomer. And I say that because that was his nickname in high school. Peeping into the girls locker room belated happy birthday.
- [167:42]
John Holmberg
I was.
- [167:42]
Brett Vesley
I didn't see. No one saw that. Belated happy birthday to me.
- [167:45]
John Holmberg
To baron.
- [167:46]
Brett Vesley
Oh.
- [167:46]
John Holmberg
Turned 19.
- [167:47]
Brett Vesley
Baron turned 19 and grew a foot. We got him. We got him.
- [167:50]
John Holmberg
How tall is he now?
- [167:50]
Brett Vesley
He's 16ft tall. It's unbelievable. He's an unbelievably tall boy. I was amazed that he was able.
- [167:56]
John Holmberg
To turn on a laptop.
- [167:58]
Brett Vesley
Well, because he has to bend way down there and he can barely see. It looks barely. His fingers are so big. A laptop blows up in his hands. You've never seen anyone bigger. And only. Only my sperms can make such a giant human being. He breathes fire. You'll see. He's a weapon of war. He's gonna go over to Ukraine and just sweep it away like a risk board. It's gonna be unbelievable. Anyway, well, thank you for your time there.
- [168:20]
John Holmberg
Now let's hop on over to the.
- [168:22]
Brett Vesley
Other side of the political spectrum here. Middle left square, Bernie Sanders. What I can't believe is you just let that guy rattle out for the last I don't know how many minutes about.
- [168:29]
John Holmberg
Take your mittens off.
- [168:30]
Brett Vesley
I have to. Very cold. I'm very old. It's very cold. After my m. Yesterday, I was here at asu. Did you go to my rally yesterday? Not a comp. Okay. I was over there with aoc. We had a wonderful time. And just people are asking, did you stay in the same hotel room? Yes, we did. And you know what we do? We get a little bit Drunk over at asu. It's very fun. It's fun. We talk to a lot of comedies. And then. And then I went down on her and performed Commalingus. That's when Communists have oral sex. I remember seeing that on the billboard. Communists having oral sex is communist lingus. And the best thing is, right before anybody climaxes, we just stop because nobody's allowed to have any fun at all. It's pretty great. We were at asu. Fight the oligarchy. At least that's why it's equal, though. She did the same thing to you, right? Yes. She went down on me and blue balled me to death. Because we're left with blue states. That's why they call them that. But we do that. Blue, but not all the way. I got to tell you, it's hard to travel with her. She's very. She's a very attractive young lady. A little thicker than I expect. That's what I like. I like them thick. I like a juicy broad. I. I like a broad with some juice on them. You know why?
- [169:28]
John Holmberg
Juice.
- [169:29]
Brett Vesley
Not. Well, I do like that too. I got a little anatomy as well. But I like a little cardi b action on my broads. I like something to hang on to, you know, in case you fall off. Once I get that inertia going, there's a good chance I'll just fly off the bed. Oh, but comma lingus. Try it tonight. It's what's for dinner. That's what.
- [169:47]
John Holmberg
Right, Right.
- [169:47]
Brett Vesley
When you have an orgasm, you describe. Fight the oligarchy. Fight the oligarchy. Yeah, right. I painted her chin. Fight the oligarchy. Oligarchy. Oh, here comes the oligarchy.
- [170:00]
John Holmberg
Oh, off to the middle square we go.
- [170:03]
Brett Vesley
We have Brady, who has a guest this time. I brought a guest. Oh, it's a birthday boy, a friend of mine. He's my in with Jesus.
- [170:11]
Thriller
Really?
- [170:11]
Brett Vesley
Yeah. He's up.
- [170:12]
John Holmberg
He's in heaven. P. Rob, Come on down here.
- [170:14]
Brett Vesley
Oh, it was his birthday. Yeah, it's been a while since I've been here. Pat Robertson, all the way from heaven. I think it's heaven. It's awfully warm. How is it?
- [170:26]
John Holmberg
Is it?
- [170:27]
Brett Vesley
It's nice. OJ And I sit on the patio every day and search for the real killers. How's that going so far? Look, it's not bad. And I gotta tell you, this Thriller kid is an absolute gem. What a great addition to the program that he's become. Despite being one of God's heirs, he's lived his life and he just keeps on trucking. And that's pretty awesome. I think when the Lord makes a mistake like Thriller, a lot of times they throw them away. Liberal would have just tossed him right in the Planned Parenthood trash. Now they had no idea beforehand. Well, that's a shame. But I'd have done it after you came out. Saw y'all crooked. But it doesn't matter. I checked. What. What year did I die? Like 20, 18, 19. Got out right before America went crazy. Chopping their dicks off and running around saying, I'm a girl, I'm a boy. And picking and choosing.
- [171:17]
John Holmberg
I don't like it. He died in 23.
- [171:21]
Brett Vesley
It was recent. Been a while. I don't remember being alone those last three or four years.
- [171:26]
John Holmberg
But it's probably about as fresh as he was when he died.
- [171:29]
Brett Vesley
Brady remains one of my favorite members. Still mostly hates gays and does what I do.
- [171:36]
John Holmberg
I'm a shav.
- [171:37]
Brett Vesley
That's right. That's why I'm here in the first place.
- [171:39]
John Holmberg
Are you thinking old Mother Teresa up there?
- [171:40]
Brett Vesley
Oh, she's. She's with me as well. She's down there with Papa Doc Chevalier and a couple of the murderers. It's a wonderful place. Heaven. The redemption's unbelievable in heaven. Time of my life. Listening to music I never listened to before, like the Doors. And it's great fun. We'll see you down there, Thriller. Cuz you're not going to. God doesn't want to face his errors. So when you go, he's just going to send you south. Cuz I told you no the first time.
- [172:03]
John Holmberg
That's exactly right.
- [172:05]
Brett Vesley
He tried to kill you and he didn't finish. And now you come out all like a swastika. And that's okay. Brady.
- [172:12]
John Holmberg
Yes.
- [172:13]
Brett Vesley
I'm so sorry Porkop didn't work out. I like to open restaurants that Jews aren't allowed in too. We're always happy to have you there, Pat.
- [172:22]
John Holmberg
Let's hop on over now to the middle right square for some basketball action.
- [172:26]
Brett Vesley
Charles Barkley here with us. Real crazy. Crazy. Real basketball action. Not the stuff you're doing over on Caduce, the boys basketball. We're showing that this week. We're gonna have it all. Who you have in your bracket there, Thriller. Well, I was initially hoping a little more from Arizona. Not gonna lie. That's crazy. That's hometown stupidity. I just, you know, they have the pieces. Arizona gonna lose to the Zips. Yeah.
- [172:48]
John Holmberg
Yeah.
- [172:49]
Brett Vesley
Brett's Brett's favorite basketball team by a long shot. Brett. Brett's crazy. He Always said, I want the Zips to be the national champions. And I said, what? And he said, math. That's crazy, Brett. That is not the game we was playing.
- [173:04]
John Holmberg
That's math. Lisa.
- [173:05]
Brett Vesley
Auburn going to win. All of it. Okay, finally. It's been a long time since Auburn won. I've been to Auburn. I was going to Auburn as a kid. They're going to win at all, and there's no reason to think otherwise. If it doesn't win, it's rigged. Okay. That's what I say. But I got to try some of that common lingus. I've never done that before. I've never had oral sex with a communist before, but that sound good?
- [173:31]
John Holmberg
It'll be different for you.
- [173:32]
Brett Vesley
But now let's hop on over to the bottom left square. Brady. Secret square. Give us a hint.
- [173:37]
John Holmberg
Yeah. I'm 58 years old today, in 1993, my wife cut my dong off with a ginu.
- [173:45]
Brett Vesley
That was 93. 93 3, man. It made you kind of gruff. Yeah.
- [173:49]
John Holmberg
A little deeper, gravelly.
- [173:50]
Brett Vesley
Yeah, I expected a little bit higher than that.
- [173:52]
John Holmberg
You know why? Nine and a half hours later, they reattached my penis.
- [173:55]
Brett Vesley
What was the nine half hours? They had to find it in a field.
- [173:57]
John Holmberg
Yeah. Well, they dug around, put it in some saline and ice. They were kicking high grass.
- [174:02]
Brett Vesley
Yeah. Farmer found it in the field.
- [174:05]
John Holmberg
Thank God.
- [174:06]
Brett Vesley
Thought somebody threw a chicken cutlet out a car window and reattached it.
- [174:10]
John Holmberg
And I did a couple of porns.
- [174:12]
Brett Vesley
That's right. Frankenberg penis. It's very good. Very good work, sir.
- [174:16]
John Holmberg
Thank you. Appreciate that.
- [174:17]
Brett Vesley
It's a good Halloween marathon. Watch jwb, as I like to call you. All righty. Now to the bottom middle square, we.
- [174:25]
John Holmberg
Have William Shatner joining.
- [174:29]
Brett Vesley
Happy birthday to you. Thank you.
- [174:31]
John Holmberg
Happy birthday and is it tomorrow.
- [174:34]
Brett Vesley
94 years old and I plan on celebrating by just being alive. I wake up. That's a. I didn't know we could talk to John while we were on the air. I didn't realize Jason Tatum broke the fourth wall. Hi, Bill.
- [174:49]
John Holmberg
Hi.
- [174:50]
Brett Vesley
I'm coming back in a CR when you help me host November 13th at the Orpheum Theater. I was going to do that, but I didn't remember the date. Thank you, Toledo. I want to be a father figure to you. And by that I mean I want to leave right now. Yeah, I was going to say, I.
- [175:07]
John Holmberg
Noticed we're going to watch the Wrath of Khan again.
- [175:09]
Brett Vesley
Well, watch the Wrath of Khan again. I don't rem ever.
- [175:13]
John Holmberg
Give me the line.
- [175:14]
Brett Vesley
Come on, love it what matters most. I have to take a nap now. Yeah, 94. You'll do that. 94. Knocks you out when you try to yell. All right, Ending off here, our bottom right square. You know what? It's Trip Reeve, our Lord and savior. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Happy NC Subway. Wow. I got three grand in my pocket, and I'm heading over to Four Peaks with the boys later, and we're gonna play that kickass gambling game, Black or white, who hits the next shot. Who wants 50 bucks? Yeah. I took my baby on a Saturday. Bang. And back over you one and the same. I believe in miracles. Miracle is happening at Four Peaks if you're thinking about being my baby. Baby, it don't matter if you're black or white. Unless you're black. You have tan. Brett's inner monologue. That was just for you, Brett. Thank you. I know my audience. Free hoods for the kids. I at least hope that you guys have fun this afternoon. Well, thank you, Thriller. Now get to work over there covering rising soccer. I was going to ask. They pay tens of dollars to be on that station.
- [176:38]
John Holmberg
We're happy to have them.
- [176:39]
Brett Vesley
Yeah, we're happy to have anybody. To be honest, that thing's in a death spiral. Anyway, on with the show. Who do we have this time?
- [176:47]
John Holmberg
We got Adam and Matt.
- [176:49]
Brett Vesley
Since we couldn't find another, you got a guy who says he'll bring you sambucum. Homemade sambu. That's what I heard. Yeah, well, it's Adam. Couldn't find a broad, so we figured. What the hell? Adam, are you there? What's up, boss? Get off speakerphone. Employee. And then Adam and. Who's the other one? Matt. No, who's on speakerphone? Turn your radio down.
- [177:19]
John Holmberg
That's Matt.
- [177:20]
Brett Vesley
All right, stop it. Brett told you that? Yeah, I got it out. And you said you have sambuca for Brett you make at home? Yeah, yeah, it's a. It's a family recipe.
- [177:34]
Thriller
I got a milk.
- [177:35]
Brett Vesley
All right. See, I couldn't find a broad.
- [177:38]
John Holmberg
I got to get a guy.
- [177:39]
Brett Vesley
Come on. All right, Adam and Matt, right? Adam, you're the girl today. You go first. Pick a square. Let's do Trumpler. Okay, let's start with Trump. I think it just called me Hitler and Trump. You know what? It's time I embraced it. You're right. No big deal. No big deal at all. I'll put a stop to whatever it is you do. Where do you work there, Adam? What's your job? I do H Vac. Just got doged. We don't need it anymore. Elon over to whatever you do. And I'm ending it. I don't think I like it. I think Elon can come up with a better way to turn your radio down. Stop being a jackass. Whoever has it up, that's all. Anyway, you've been dozed. Bulldozed, as I like to call it. Much like I'm going to. You know what they call that's the lunch special over at Title 9 Sports Bar. The old bulldoze that'll shovel it right into your big gob. All right, go ahead, Killer question for you here. Because painting took too long for different colors, all four bottle tees came in black. Only came in black only. Just like Robert De Niro only comes in black.
- [178:41]
John Holmberg
Good one.
- [178:42]
Brett Vesley
That's a good one. I tell all the jokes now. Telling dirty jokes.
- [178:45]
John Holmberg
Blue.
- [178:45]
Brett Vesley
Working blue. Somebody just crashed, I think. I think Thriller's iron lung just gave out.
- [178:52]
John Holmberg
Somebody's driving a Tesl.
- [178:53]
Brett Vesley
I don't want to say, but. What? What? Your Tesla is on fire. It'll warn you on your phone. I'll say that's true. Model T's were only in black because people were dumb back then. All right, you're saying true now.
- [179:02]
John Holmberg
Adam, do you agree or disagree with true?
- [179:03]
Brett Vesley
I agree. You agree? That's correct. Gets the square on that one. Landing a plane. Sounds like Jesus. And somebody calling from a hot air balloon. It's one of the Chinese. I think it's a Chinese. All right, off to Matt. Make your selection. Yeah, I'll go with John Bobby. Oh, he goes for the secret square. By name. Look at that. Okay. Okay. Did you know that Thriller? No. You didn't know the John Wayne Bobby story? Yeah. Well, there he is.
- [179:34]
John Holmberg
Oh, I can tell.
- [179:35]
Brett Vesley
Dude, that's right. I mean, back to Adam. He's a frat boy. Adam. Who are you picking? Gary.
- [179:43]
John Holmberg
Let's do Captain Kirk.
- [179:45]
Brett Vesley
Okay. Hi. Got picked by it. Don't want to doze you. I love air conditioner, but not too much. Keep the house around 80 degrees. The Enterprise gets a little chilly unless it's under 80. Is a little hot, isn't it? That's a little hot for you, but I'm 94 years old. 100 degrees is about optimum every time it gets under 80. Come get me a blanket. Do you remember when you were under 80? 14 years ago? My time over 80 can almost drive.
- [180:19]
John Holmberg
All right, well, I got a question for you then.
- [180:21]
Brett Vesley
During World War II, the only American money exhibited in Mexico were coins and two dollar bills. I have to tell You, Brady just handed me a great joke. I've given up on green women and replaced them with green jello. Oh, that's an AIDS joke. Oh, it's the same thing with your tongue. I'll say true. All right, you're saying true. Adam, do you agree or disagree with through. Disagree. Disagree.
- [180:47]
John Holmberg
That is incorrect.
- [180:48]
Brett Vesley
Then. So that goes to Matt, and Matt could win with Trip. Oh, I'm definitely taking Trip. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Yeah, for the dub. We're going for the chip. The trip chip. I took my baby on a Saturday. Bang. What? Larry, I'm gonna play black or white at Four Peaks today, if you want to come by and try to win money. Yeah, yeah, go ahead. Ask me the question. I've got money burning a hole in my pocket.
- [181:25]
John Holmberg
Okay.
- [181:26]
Brett Vesley
The plural of the word focus is foci. Ooh, I don't think you can say that on the radio. Those are your favorite words, right? Oh, yeah, I love that one. Who's gonna hit the first shot of the next game? Black guy or white guy? 100 bucks. I'll say Trip Reebs, black or white? $3,000 today at Four Peaks.
- [181:50]
John Holmberg
3,000.
- [181:51]
Brett Vesley
That's right. Yeah, black, white, or other will play. Yo, hold on. Yeah, and then some other race puts up a triple, and you owe me three grand. Guys, watching Akron play today. Triple. Watch Akron. I got a greyhound in my hand and my toes in the sand, and all I need is a woman.
- [182:18]
John Holmberg
Understand?
- [182:19]
Brett Vesley
I'll say true folk eye. All right, so you're saying true now, Matt, for the win, do you agree or disagree with True? I. I'd have to agree with Trip, man. He's a man. Okay, if you agree, that's correct. Winner. Winner. Yes. 20 bucks for you. Sambu for me. Yeah, Nice job. How does that payment work out? And free sambuca for Brett. It's got to be illegal. Yeah. Brett and I will wander around and go. All right, who hits the next shot for Gonzaga? The kid that looks like the lumberjack or the Twinkie one. And you have to be more specific with Gonzaga on the Twinkie one. All right, I'm out of here. I'm bust of luck to him. Yeah, there you go. Trip's got that money burning a hole. Oh, he's ready to go. He's ready to go.
- [183:10]
John Holmberg
Jacked up.
- [183:11]
Brett Vesley
You get sambuca from some guy's kitchen. What?
- [183:14]
John Holmberg
The guy wouldn't call.
- [183:14]
Brett Vesley
What do you.
- [183:15]
John Holmberg
The chicks weren't calling.
- [183:16]
Brett Vesley
What do you want me to do? All we heard was, no, we Needed to do, he said. I said, no, I need a girl. When I'm hearing him screen the calls. No, I need a. A girl. You'll do what? Homemade sambuka. If you've ever had sambuka, you know. Exactly. Amazing how bad it is and why anybody would want. But it's. Have you ever had sambuca? Oh, remember that shot we gave you for your birthday a few weeks ago? Yes. Add black licorice. Oh, yeah, exactly. Yeah.
- [183:41]
John Holmberg
I thought it was meat.
- [183:47]
Brett Vesley
Yeah. Osobuk is a steak kind of thing. But sambuca is black licorice. Yeah.
- [183:53]
John Holmberg
Ouzo. Same kind of crap.
- [183:55]
Thriller
Awful.
- [183:57]
Brett Vesley
And they light it on fire in hopes that it kills them.
- [184:00]
John Holmberg
Why do they put coffee beans in it?
- [184:02]
Brett Vesley
Because it doesn't.
- [184:03]
John Holmberg
Is bad enough.
- [184:04]
Brett Vesley
If you could imagine present in the future, Right? Yeah. Because you're dealing with a time warp. It's the grossest. It's the grossest thing. And Brett, I had dinner with him once, and he goes, sambuk. I'm like, what? And then the guy knew what he was saying, and he brought us glasses, and he lit them on fire. Fire. So you knew we were in a real place. Then he understood. I know. And he comes back. That's all the waiter said. And then he comes back and his glasses are in flames. And I'm like, what am I supposed to do with this? Past, present, future. And he holds it up, and then other guys move their noses. Somebody cut their hand. There was a small, like, ceremony. Two guys kissed, and then we drank black licorice. How romantic. It was so gross. And then they drink it, and it's like, something great happen. Meanwhile, everybody who's not Italians over looks like Tracy Morgan.
- [184:49]
John Holmberg
Enjoy your fentanyl on the rocks, Brett.
- [184:51]
Brett Vesley
It's. Yeah, it's. It is. It is. It's kitchen meth in liquid form. And you're gonna get it made by a guy. They sell it in restaurants, and they sell it in stores. Why would you want somebody's homemade sambo? Uncle Vito's probably making it, you know. Come on.
- [185:07]
John Holmberg
Family recipe.
- [185:08]
Brett Vesley
Yeah, you gotta let the urine ferment for a while. Out of your mind. If you don't keep it in the windowsill, it don't ferment. And then you can't have good sambuk. And then you grind up the black licorice and neats. And you know why they do it? Is because the first guy that drank it would light that bottle on fire.
- [185:31]
John Holmberg
I will.
- [185:31]
Brett Vesley
We got to get you one there, Thriller. All right. You're going to hate it. I probably will. Yeah. You got to learn the hard way sometimes. That's it. Brett's going out to the NHRA. The race is tomorrow from 9:30 till like 12:30 or so. The races will keep you alive. That's going to be an awesome thing. Thriller's got nothing to do. 13 hour day tomorrow. Well, there's a break in the middle, technically, so it's like between soccer games. So it's. It's six for some morning shows, a six hour break, then six back on for the night. So in the middle of your day, you got six hours to do nothing? Yep. All right. Contemplate suicide. I'd rather go to Jonestown. Yeah, I would. Start mixing that Sambuca with some Kool Aid. Oh, my God. And you. So you start at like 5 in the morning, go till like 11 30, get home about 12, nap till 5, wake up, come here and listen to soccer on the radio. Yes, sir. I love my job. And of course you get overtime for this.
- [186:23]
John Holmberg
A little bit.
- [186:23]
Brett Vesley
And they get mad about that. I'm kidding.
- [186:25]
John Holmberg
Just leave it potted up.
- [186:26]
Brett Vesley
Nobody's going to know this.
- [186:27]
John Holmberg
No one's going to know I'm kidding. They're fine.
- [186:29]
Brett Vesley
Y.
- [186:30]
John Holmberg
Don't ding me, please.
- [186:31]
Brett Vesley
Please don't ding me. Do you get overtime? I do, actually, yeah. Okay. Pretty good. Do they know that?
- [186:35]
John Holmberg
They do.
- [186:36]
Brett Vesley
You sure? They give Chris a lot of flack. They're like, hey, why is it still. Yeah. Because honest with you, Thriller, we've had conversations where people didn't even know you worked here. It's like, isn't he just like a minority hire? Technically? Oh, yeah, Definitely. You're the only one.
- [186:49]
John Holmberg
Yeah. We haven't gotten rid of DEI yet.
- [186:51]
Brett Vesley
Yeah, if there were a load of you, it wouldn't be at all. It'd be common practice. But do we still have the crippled kid? Put it on that list. That gets us money from the government. Not for long. That's it. All right. Well, thank you, Thriller. Enjoy your weekend. I hope to see you next week. You will. Oh, boy. Fingers crossed I wouldn't make it through that. That's it. We're done. Larry's next. You guys have yourselves a grand weekend. We'll see you right here in the morning sickness Monday.
- [187:16]
John Holmberg
So it's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fee.
- [187:21]
Brett Vesley
I have heard enough of this.