03-25-25 - BR - TUE - Still 1Mil In US w/o Indoor Plumbing - Brady Reveals He's Frat Bros w/Mike Schmidt - PHX Teacher Charged For Peeing In Bottle In Class - Brady's Food News 85 Cent Blizzards At DQ

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode Summary: March 25, 2025

Host: John Holmberg with Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo Broadcasted on 98 KUPD | Hubbard Radio Duration: 30 minutes

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1. Still 1 Million Americans Without Indoor Plumbing

The episode kicks off with a startling revelation from host Kurt Hinton about the state of indoor plumbing in the United States.

Kurt Hinton: "There are still approximately 1.1 million Americans who don't have indoor plumbing and use an outhouse or a hole in the ground." (04:29)

The discussion delves into the implications of this statistic, questioning the geographical distribution and the reasons behind the lack of basic amenities in certain areas. The hosts humorously speculate about the existence of such houses in Phoenix, with John Holmberg expressing skepticism.

John Holmberg: "You think here in Phoenix up north and... Well, that's different. Like in this city, you don't think anybody's pooping and..." (04:59)

The conversation highlights the absurdity of lacking indoor plumbing in a modern city, emphasizing how essential this facility is for daily life.

2. Brady Reveals He's Frat Bros with Mike Schmidt

In a surprising turn, Brady Bogen shares revelations about his fraternity ties, particularly his connection with Mike Schmidt.

Kurt Hinton: "Oh, you grad Mike Schmidt and... And fraternity brother." (06:07)

The hosts reminisce about their fraternity days, leading to playful banter about past antics and shared memories.

John Holmberg: "Was he in on the dead girl pies?" (06:11)
Kurt Hinton: "Oh, yeah. He was a little. Before was number 20 just sitting in the bushes laughing with you guys. Great job, Brady." (06:20)

The segment not only serves as a nostalgic trip for the hosts but also provides listeners with an inside look into Brady's collegiate experiences, strengthening the camaraderie among the hosts.

3. Phoenix Teacher Charged for Peeing in a Bottle in Class

A controversial news story takes center stage as the hosts discuss the incident involving a Phoenix sixth-grade teacher.

Kurt Hinton: "We got a teacher in Phoenix that's in Trouble. He's a sixth grade teacher. His name is Kurt Hinton. 52 years old, faces four counts of indecent exposure." (11:06)

The teacher, with a military background, opted to urinate in a can during class to avoid leaving his students unattended, leading to inadvertent exposure.

John Holmberg: "He was trying to hide it just badly." (12:13)

The hosts critique the teacher's poor decision-making, juxtaposing military discipline with professional responsibilities. The humorous yet critical dialogue underscores the gravity of maintaining appropriate conduct in educational settings.

4. Brady's Food News: 85 Cent Blizzards at Dairy Queen

Transitioning to lighter topics, Brady shares enticing news about Dairy Queen's limited-time offer.

Kurt Hinton: "There's a confetti confetti confetti cake. Blizzard right now available on the summer. It's 85 cents." (18:37)

The hosts enthusiastically discuss the affordability and temptation of the discounted Blizzards, emphasizing the deal's fleeting nature and urging listeners to take advantage.

John Holmberg: "Give me a dollar." (19:29)
Kurt Hinton: "They have an 85 cent blizzard right now, available for the summer." (19:23)

Brady adds a comedic twist by mocking the promotional hype, highlighting the exaggerated excitement surrounding the deal.

5. Additional News and Humorous Segments

Beyond the main topics, the episode includes various news snippets and lighthearted discussions:

• United Airlines Flight Incident: A pilot forgetting his passport leads to a rerouted flight from Los Angeles to Shanghai, delayed by six hours upon landing. The hosts humorously downplay the compensation.

  John Holmberg: "That's still crap." (10:54)

• Man in China with Girlfriend's Fist Stuck in Mouth: A viral video featuring a man unable to remove his girlfriend's fist from his mouth sparks laughter and bewilderment among the hosts.

  John Holmberg: "Prolapse Whore." (29:14)

• Russian Man's Kidney Failure from Squats: Discussing the extreme consequences of overexertion, the hosts express shock at the story of a man pushing his physical limits resulting in kidney failure.

  John Holmberg: "That's too much." (17:30)

• Sale of Apple One Computer: An antique Apple One computer sells for $375,000, showcasing the high demand for vintage technology relics.

  John Holmberg: "That's pretty basic." (17:42)

6. Listener Interactions and Banter

The episode is peppered with interactive segments where the hosts engage in playful exchanges, often veering into humorous territory. For instance, the discussion on "boomer" terminology—defined humorously as asking a question to redirect conversation toward oneself—adds a relatable and entertaining layer.

Kurt Hinton: "We've got a new term called boomer. Asking has nothing to do about baby boomers." (08:34)

Additionally, the hosts react to listener-submitted videos, critiquing and mocking the content with witty remarks and sound effects, enhancing the show's lively atmosphere.

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Notable Quotes:

• John Holmberg: "He was trying to hide it just badly." (12:13)
• Kurt Hinton: "There are still approximately 1.1 million Americans who don't have indoor plumbing and use an outhouse or a hole in the ground." (04:29)
• John Holmberg: "That's still crap." (10:54)
• Kurt Hinton: "We've got a new term called boomer." (08:34)

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Conclusion:

In this episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness, listeners are treated to a mix of serious societal issues, like the lack of indoor plumbing for some Americans, alongside entertaining revelations about host Brady's fraternity ties and amusing news stories. The segment on Dairy Queen's discounted Blizzards adds a sweet conclusion, balancing out the more intense discussions. The hosts' dynamic interplay, filled with humor and candid conversations, makes for an engaging and informative morning show experience for both regular listeners and newcomers alike.

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Tune in weekdays from 5:30 AM to 10:00 AM on 98 KUPD (97.9 FM), the 98 KUPD app, or visit www.98kupd.com to catch future episodes of Arizona's #1 Morning Radio Show.

Transcript

[Dick Toledo]

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[Brady]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by mmpguns.com your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[John]

And you people and your misfired text, for crying out loud. All these emails of people saying they sent their mom things they shouldn't have sent. This guy sent a picture of his girlfriend's naughty parts. Both input, all right? Like right up close. And accidentally sent it to his mother and his brother because he's like, something about this horror did blah blah. And he was like being bad, being mean. He was trying to show his brother.

[Brady]

His brother giving props at least, or.

[John]

What brother gave him props? But mom saw Dirty 50 50.

[E]

I always thought you should get rid of her. Look at that butthole. Like a sarlacc pit.

[John]

Mom, how did you get on this?

[Kurt]

I don't know.

[E]

Your father and I used to talk about her butthole a lot, so I'm glad you sent this.

[John]

What a whore.

[Kurt]

Nothing like that bitch.

[Brady]

Anyway.

[E]

How do you make your ass look like an Arby's?

[John]

Yuck. This one says you don't even know why the sky brightens during the day and not a single beam of our light from a star. Yeah, now I know you're BSing. What? John, I don't know anything you just said in that letter. Of course I'm BSing. The Star Sun. The big one. I believe Brian Regan nailed that years ago. The metal is the sun. That's pretty much all I know about our planetary system and how it operates. Boy, I know it's big. I'll tell you, that Runs hot. Yeah, it's evidently pretty warm there. It's going to be warm here today, too. So it's 7:43 and it's time for Brady to give you all the news. Only Brady knows we call this the Brady Report, and it's brought to you by our friends at All Pro Shade Concepts. All Pro Shade Concepts got 20 years in the valley. They got Brady's house all shady, got all his shadies. Brady likes that stuff.

[Kurt]

Love it.

[John]

The awning created that. Yeah. Wow. Brady's got the shadiest spot in Gilbert. It's got a 20ft of shade. Now Brady's back patio. The roll down shade blocks the sun out so his neighbors can't peek in on all the activities that are going on at Brady's house. Because boy, who doesn't want to see that? Reduces the glare on the tv. It's hot. Today's possibly the first time ever.

[Kurt]

Boy, they're loving.

[John]

March 25th will be earliest we've ever hit 100 degrees by a day. 1988 we did. Well, no, ever. March 26th is this. It's the only time we're going to. March 25th will be the earliest we've hit 100 degrees, beat the record by 24 hours. So it's on. It's on point with. It's happened before. But you can get your estimate from all pro shade.com get that ball rolling because the heat's coming and where there's heat, there's sun. And where there's sun, there's brightness. We need to block that out. To quote the great Monty Burns, it's time to block out the sun with all pro shade concepts. Brady report it.

[Kurt]

Good Tuesday morning to you, Phoenix.

[John]

Hello world. Hi.

[Kurt]

Happy National Medal of Honor day. It's also International Waffle Day.

[John]

Well, that goes hand in hand.

[Kurt]

A couple of basis fun facts. Taylor Swift holds the record for the most consecutive number one albums with 14. Kanye west and Eminem have had 11 in a row. Jay Z has had 10. The Beatles had a streak of nine. I think we might have done this one before. Harrison Ford's pay for doing the first Star wars was 10 grand. He made 50 times more than that on Return of the Jedi. So he made 500 grand.

[John]

Right.

[Kurt]

2,000 times more than for the Force Awakens. He got paid 20 million, man. There are still approximately 1.1 million Americans who don't have indoor plumbing and use an outhouse or a hole in the ground.

[John]

What?

[Brady]

Hang yourself.

[John]

I'm with. You're in.

[Dick Toledo]

A.J.

[John]

That'S. Do we have that here?

[Kurt]

That's in America.

[John]

No, I'm saying like in like our area. Like where I don't.

[Kurt]

Oh, I'm sure there's some.

[John]

You think here in Phoenix up north and. Well, that's different. Like in this city, you don't think anybody's pooping and Holes in that indoor plumbing existed.

[Dick Toledo]

Like how far out in the suburbs?

[John]

Yeah, how far do I have to go before. Like there's no indoor past Verado or something.

[Brady]

And then I think you got.

[John]

But if there's a house out there. Why would you even have your house out there? Just you're so close to where the plumbing is. Why even.

[Kurt]

I wonder what the number would be. But I bet you there's.

[Brady]

I ain't paying for that.

[John]

I don't know. Right in the hole.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah.

[John]

Should get a hole for it. That's why I live so far out here.

[Kurt]

Philadelphia is the only city that's had four major sport teams in the championship game in the same year.

[John]

No kidding.

[Kurt]

1980.

[John]

I was going to say X. The Flyers were good enough.

[Kurt]

Phillies were in the series, Eagles were in the Super Bowl, 76ers in the finals. And the Flyers, Stanley cup. They went 1 for 4. Phillies won the title.

[John]

Yeah. Beat the Royals. I think that year, the Mike McBride. McBride, Mike Schmidt, Lonnie Smith, Steve Carlton, Tug McGraw. Pete Rose was on that team. I think that was the 80 team.

[Kurt]

Oh, you grad Mike Schmidt and. And fraternity brother.

[Brady]

Here we go.

[John]

Yeah, but he doesn't care about you, so.

[Kurt]

Yeah, he knows me.

[Dick Toledo]

No.

[Brady]

Did he order a pizza for the dead girl, too?

[John]

Was he in on the dead girl pies?

[Kurt]

Oh, yeah.

[John]

Was he?

[Kurt]

No.

[John]

Was he in his. He was a little. Before was number 20 just sitting in the bushes laughing with you guys. Great job, Brady.

[Kurt]

Good one, Schmitty.

[John]

Thanks. Schmitty. What a great nickname.

[E]

We added a Y to Schmidt, now it's Schmitty.

[John]

Let's order pizzas for dead sorority house girls and watch the reaction of the survivors.

[Kurt]

There's a new term.

[John]

That's what you were doing. Were you in a bush or a.

[Kurt]

Car in a parking garage?

[John]

I'm watching it from across the street.

[Kurt]

Yeah.

[John]

Probably kind of anticlimactic because pizza delivery guys don't just go. I guess maybe a sorority house. They would say, who F all you A holes.

[Dick Toledo]

I live west of Verrado. We have indoor plumbing, you sons of bitches.

[John]

You live west of Verrado? West of Verrado, man.

[Kurt]

No such thing.

[Dick Toledo]

Where the nuclear power plant is.

[John]

You have to live on the plant.

[Brady]

Enjoy. Blythe.

[John]

Yeah. I didn't even know there was. You're closer to Vicksburg than you were.

[Kurt]

Maybe along the 303 where that farm where that giant baby is.

[John]

Maybe they don't have plumbing there. Pretty sure they're doing pretty well.

[Brady]

That's by the zoo now, though.

[Kurt]

Yeah, south of it.

[Dick Toledo]

Texter says John Toledo knows Copa. They've got plenty outhouses.

[John]

Is that true?

[Dick Toledo]

I don't know. I didn't see any, but I'm sure there's some.

[John]

I'm happy. I've lived a life where I can't even name the last place I was. I'm like, they probably don't have plumbing here. I can't. Like, everywhere I've gone. Plumbing's a necessity.

[Dick Toledo]

John. I know you don't even know it exists, but there's a place called Grand Avenue that runs through Phoenix. All the tents along that roadway have indoor plumbing.

[John]

Well, that's different. Homeless is different. They were. They're trying to get it. They. They don't have any plumbing.

[Brady]

It's an avenue. Why would he know where that is?

[John]

How would I go up Grand Avenue? What am I running from? Ice the hell? I can't even read the billboards over there.

[Dick Toledo]

They made so many ways around Grand Avenue.

[John]

Now it's not for me. One of the billboards says, john, turn back.

[Dick Toledo]

What are you doing?

[John]

What are you doing over here?

[Brady]

Why do you need not apply?

[John]

You're on a diagonal street that doesn't even. Doesn't seem to, like, fit with all the other streets. It's announcing that it's taken to a bad spot. There's apple trees that chuck apples at you. I've seen this in movies.

[Kurt]

We've got a new term called boomer. Asking has nothing to do about baby boomers. It's a term when you ask someone a question just so you can talk about yourself. You want the question to come back to you like a boomerang. Oh, so an example would be an ask bragging, like, how was your vacation? Mine was great.

[John]

It's those people that interject their thing into every single story. Like, nobody can have their own thing.

[Kurt]

They bait it back to it.

[John]

Right.

[Kurt]

Will come back to you.

[John]

Yeah, but those, like, you can tell a story about the time you were in a Porsche, and then they'll tell you the story of their uncles. Like somebody else has one. Like they just some trigger.

[Brady]

What do you think about a Lamborghini instead?

[John]

Those are the top.

[Kurt]

What do you think of cyber trucks? Just so you can talk about how dumb you think they are or.

[John]

Right. Well, that's conversation, though. If you're sitting there struggling with people go, how about those cybertrucks, huh? And you've got an opinion. You're just trying to spark something.

[Dick Toledo]

Just baiting.

[John]

It's different than going, you guys have moles on Your dick. And then they're like, what? Because I got something I need to tell you. Like, that's a leading. That's a leading question. That's different than just, what about these cybertrucks? They. That's just small talk. You're in a bad conversation if you have to start with a hey, how about those just in strangers, like. All right, go ahead.

[Kurt]

A United Airlines flight from LA to Shanghai had to turn around over the Pacific on Saturday because a pilot forgot his passport. They're already what was said to be a 14 hour flight. They're about an hour and 45 minutes in. Turn back around, had to land in San Francisco, swap out the crew. They got to San Fran three hours after taking off. When they finally touched down in Shanghai, they were six hours late.

[John]

Mm.

[Kurt]

United reportedly gave each passenger a $15 meal voucher for the trouble.

[Brady]

Or how much?

[Kurt]

$15?

[John]

Oh, cheap. You're in Shanghai. That's. That.

[Kurt]

That's far away.

[John]

That's a thousands of dong or whatever they use.

[Brady]

Dong.

[John]

I think that's the name of their money. 15 bucks over there is probably a car, one of them credit cards. That's still crap. No, it's that good, but still.

[Kurt]

We got a teacher in Phoenix that's in Trouble. He's a sixth grade teacher. His name is Kurt Hinton. 52 years old, faces four counts of indecent exposure. Oh, he had to go to the bathroom and he decided to pee in a can behind his desk. Unfortunately, when he was doing it since class, a couple of kids could see his junk.

[John]

So he was trying to hide it just badly.

[Kurt]

He was trying to hide it. He said he had a military background and he was new at the school.

[John]

Didn'T know where the bathrooms were.

[Kurt]

And then he. And that he knew where the bathrooms were, but he did not feel comfortable leaving the class unattended. Yeah.

[John]

They say things that are horrible. Morning sickness. So he felt comfortable pissing.

[Kurt]

He said this is what we'd do in the military if we had to pee.

[John]

You're not in the military. There's a bunch of second graders. You take your chances. You Lord of the Flies it for about four minutes.

[Dick Toledo]

Not quite as bad. Sixth graders.

[John]

A little. Are they sixth? Yeah. You can trust a room of sixth graders while you take a two and a half minute, five minutes. Yeah. What's the worst that can happen? You come back and a couple of them are dead. I knew I shouldn't have taken that leak. That's the wrong school.

[Kurt]

You chose to teach at a couple of kids like we thought we heard falling water and then realized, hey, hey.

[John]

The teacher's dick's out.

[Kurt]

Check out the dragon.

[John]

I think some sort of a kid alarm goes off on the good kids when it an adult dick is out. I think I had that when I was young. Like when adult dick was out. I knew even if I didn't see it. Oh, I'm in a room and there's an adult dick somewhere out. I don't see it, but I can sense it. There's a disturbance in the force.

[Dick Toledo]

By the way, you've done a really good job at training your listeners. Like five texts in a row. Dong.

[John]

Stop. Yeah, the dong money got him say dong. But I do.

[Brady]

I remember automobile.

[John]

Like I knew when dicks were out. Huh? What? I had dictar. My. My dad would walk around the house sometimes in his room. Yeah, his dick was out, like just zipping from the shower to the. Whatever he's doing. And be honest, I knew it. Like dark. You never saw your dad do that? I'm sorry.

[Dick Toledo]

Well, yeah, but I'm just thinking, Alex, like he saw it sometimes you just when he was little. I don't think since he's like been older than four, he's seen my dad.

[John]

Yeah, but it scars you as a kid.

[Dick Toledo]

I can see how I would.

[John]

And you. Every dad does the shower with the kid. Teaching them how to shower when they're young. Awful. Just awful. I can still see the wrinkles.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, it's awkward.

[John]

That thing was. I was just right in front of my face. Hey, scrub your armpits first. Could you please just tape record the message? Give it to me later and I'll play it next time I stand. Just lift your arm up. You can lift arms. They wash under here. It's hitting me. It's hitting me a lot.

[Kurt]

There's a guy in China that showed up at the ER after getting his girlfriend's entire fist stuck in his mouth. They said it happened while they're filming a video for social media.

[Brady]

Good.

[Kurt]

There's a 10 second clip of him walking in. They're walking in together. Oh, they kept filming, gagging and drooling, trying not to laugh. It really got stuck. And the problem is his jaw locked.

[John]

Yeah, couldn't.

[Kurt]

What's up?

[John]

Can you do it? You can. Your mouth is tiny. I can't either.

[Kurt]

Well, and it's his girlfriend before.

[Brady]

No, I can't.

[John]

I've never tried it. No. No.

[Dick Toledo]

And they. You've tried that for 15 years or more. You haven't been able to do it.

[John]

I'VE never been able to do it. You can have a huge mouth. What's up?

[Kurt]

They slowly twist his girlfriend's wrist out.

[John]

Fist in your mouth.

[Kurt]

They basically gave him muscle relaxants and then relax.

[John]

Relaxer relaxants.

[Kurt]

Yeah, that's what they have. Muscle relaxants.

[John]

No kidding. All right, I'll go with it.

[Kurt]

And use the mouth opener. So gradual that his girlfriend. So they.

[John]

What's a mouth open?

[Kurt]

I don't know, like a caliper thing that would open the. Help Open the mouth wider because your muscles are relaxed.

[John]

It's an Asian guy.

[Kurt]

Yeah. There he is.

[John]

Is it? Wait.

[Brady]

I was filming this, by the way.

[John]

Yeah. I don't.

[Kurt]

Stop laughing, you dicks.

[John]

I don't understand that.

[Dick Toledo]

He is way there.

[John]

I can't get enough of his friend with a girl's fist in the Chinese vestly. Oh, how do you say that? What a jerk.

[Dick Toledo]

I gotta be honest. You walked in here with Ronnie's hand in your mouth. Brady.

[Brady]

I'd have to go home because I.

[John]

Wouldn'T be able to. He's going to the hospital, everybody. Because his wife punched him in the face and it stuck. I just wanted to see how awkward I felt.

[Dick Toledo]

Kirby'd be here to translate for you.

[Brady]

Daddy and Mommy were playing sex games.

[John]

And he said, the only place that fist goes is in my mouth.

[Kurt]

And she did it pristine.

[John]

You'd think your mouth could take it more than the other thing. So often we see that it's much easier to do the other thing. Oh, gross.

[Kurt]

This dude in Russia had to go to the er. Had to check out the doctors at the nephrology department because he took a bet that his friend he could do 2,000 squats. And because he did so many squats, it put so much stress on his lower body. Kidney failure.

[John]

Oh, my God. Jesus.

[Kurt]

Able to recover. But they said, yeah, doing that much of that activity puts a lot of stress on your organs. And it caused the kidneys to fail.

[John]

Wow. That's too much.

[Kurt]

A rare Apple One computer was up for sale and someone paid $375,000 for was the Apple One was the first commuter computer sold by Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak. There's a few that remain, but they all will get a high price. You can see a picture of it. Pretty basic. The other things that sold, man, were a couple of checks signed by Steve Jobs. One sold for $112,000. It's a check for $13 and 25 cents.

[John]

But what was it buying? He's buying University Arts and it's Got the Apple computer company address up there handwritten.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, those checks. Those temp checks.

[John]

Yeah, they temp checked it pretty cool.

[Kurt]

A couple things going on right now. Dairy Queen. You can get an 85 cent blizzard for the next two weeks.

[Brady]

I'm surprised this didn't lead the news.

[John]

How in the world are you just now getting to that? And why are you still here?

[Dick Toledo]

Are they not open yet?

[E]

Brady, let's go. Get on my back and let's ride. I'm Ralphie, the friendly ghost. Friendliest ghost you know.

[Dick Toledo]

Does the Jew broad want to have sex with you?

[E]

No, it's not. Did you broad never want to have sex with me even when I was alive? But instead there's some lawyer at the Rah Rah room that bangs ghosts and her husband Scott. I want to head on down there and be a fat ghost. She won't know.

[Kurt]

And Fireball whistle that other girl.

[E]

You can feel ghost dick mine. Go ahead. What'd you say about Blizzard?

[Kurt]

There's a confetti confetti confetti cake. Blizzard right now available on the summer.

[E]

85 cents.

[Kurt]

Yeah buddy.

[E]

Give me a dollar.

[Dick Toledo]

Hold her up around.

[E]

I don't have any earth money.

[Kurt]

Let's go, Ralphie.

[E]

I'm going see it to the dq.

[Kurt]

And Fireball Whiskey is giving out lifetime supplies of their Fireball Whiskey to people that are at least 90 years old. They claim they're doing it because Fireball is ad oddly popular with the older demographic. Anyone born in 1935 or earlier can sign up at lifetime supply of Fireball.com.

[Brady]

They know you can be around long anyway.

[John]

It's a lot of Fireball.

[Kurt]

You can sign up for that person. They can't use the computer. Don't know how.

[John]

Yeah, they're too dumb to do that.

[Brady]

Self addressed.

[John]

Standard envelope too.

[Kurt]

They're all 15 winners. Deadline is March 31st and you're not really getting a lifetime.

[John]

Well, be realistic about what a lifetime supply is.

[Kurt]

Maybe a check for 2400 bucks.

[Brady]

Yeah, but your lifetime ain't that long if you're born in the 30s.

[John]

Yeah, right.

[Brady]

Make it sound like it's all great, doing a good job.

[Kurt]

So grandma or papa will get a $2,400 check?

[John]

Yeah, if you're born in the 30s, you're 90 and you still want tons of fiber. That's pretty funny.

[Kurt]

So you submit a picture of them and you explain why they deserve to win.

[John]

Because they're on their last legs and they've never had Fireball. I've got a lady that could enter that my friend Paula. She's got her in 90s. She's awesome. And her husband was a. He repped alcohol for the Los Angeles area. He used to be a distributor. They're perfect.

[Kurt]

Slam dunk.

[John]

Shot her. I got a picture of her. My phone. I'll send it over. This is great. Paula's gonna get herself a lifetime supply. A fireball. And she won't know what to do with it. I'll find something for her.

[Kurt]

I got a couple of radio videos. First one's a lucky kid that got pulled up on stage at a concept.

[John]

Okay.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, Kendrick tomorrow.

[Kurt]

Yeah.

[John]

Oh, with Kendrick and his flare jeans.

[Kurt]

I didn't catch that, man. Did you film this?

[John]

No kidding.

[Kurt]

Did you film this here? It was.

[John]

Stop acting like we can continue this. I'll do the play by play. Here he is. Here he is. That's all you're saying? Come on. The. The worst part is the first line. Is it, I want to turn all her friends. There's some little boy on there. It's the Casper talk all over again. They say things that are horrible. Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Kurt]

He basically.

[John]

Oh, he starts throwing up all over. The Kendrick Lamar thing for jumping around. Kendrick is holding him tightly and dancing with him.

[Dick Toledo]

The dance.

[John]

Yeah, yeah. And then walking. Yeah. And Kendrick seems to enjoy this. And then the kid bounces around a little bit and then pukes. Pukes all over. I don't take a risk with the Kendrick song. Bam. Get off the stage. They're like, get off stage. Is he drunk? It may not be a kid. It might just be a small Irishman.

[Dick Toledo]

That could be.

[John]

Has no M. He's throwing up all. There's no m. No, there's. He's in a soccer thing. And Kendrick walks right through his puke. All right. I'd go to that show.

[Brady]

Brady will be going.

[John]

Yeah, that's right. You have to go to that. I forgot. Maybe they'll get you up there and like this weird cancer kid bouncing around.

[Brady]

Spitting up confetti blizzard all over the place.

[John]

Too much confetti blizzard. Sorry about your stage.

[Kurt]

KL Be colorful.

[John]

Hey, man, you up my. Sorry about that.

[Kurt]

The language.

[John]

Hey, you just learned something. My limit is three blizzards in an hour. No dancing. They not like us.

[Kurt]

Quit acting like a sheriff.

[John]

Hey, I want it on this. Put this in a minor.

[E]

I saw you at the Super Bowl.

[Kurt]

Next one's a little firework.

[Dick Toledo]

More room for new blizzard.

[John]

What is this.

[Kurt]

Mortar in the tube?

[John]

Oh, he's leaning right over the top of some sort of a Mortar thing. She's backing up. She doesn't know it's going to go right up her ass. Oh, direct hit. She stepped over it.

[Kurt]

Still walking away.

[John]

And it went directly into her honey hole.

[Kurt]

Check the undercarriage. It's going to help her out of here.

[John]

It shot her directly in the baby hole.

[Brady]

I don't think it. I don't think it penetrated. Look how she is.

[John]

There's no A new spit on that. That's full vagina.

[Brady]

Yeah, she takes and penetrate those thighs.

[Kurt]

Look at that.

[John]

Takes a step over it when it goes off. Oh, that's the hoo. Yeah, that's. That's hitting baby carrot.

[Kurt]

That's some seared tuna.

[John]

Okay, that's enough.

[Kurt]

Okay, last one.

[Dick Toledo]

Jesus Christ.

[John]

Seared tuna blizzards are a buck 15. Some Sears stupid that's having the time of his life today.

[Kurt]

Last one's another bull video. Raging bull. This guy's doing a little picador.

[John]

What does that mean?

[Kurt]

He's got the two little pigs.

[John]

Oh, he is being the pickadore.

[Kurt]

Boom. He scores on that one.

[John]

Gets one into the. And then another bull shows up. There's multiple bulls in this ring. He jams two of the swords into one, and then.

[Brady]

Oh, this one horns right through the.

[John]

Rib cage on the side that he is hanging on the bull's horn in slow motion on la bull Nasil Saifa. Oh, my God. That horn went all the way in. First try.

[Dick Toledo]

We get it after. Oh, Brady.

[John]

They win. I like when the bulls win. Well, that's a good stab, though. And then he's laughing and they. Oh, this other bull. That's. That's a good foot of horn.

[Kurt]

Oh, right through.

[John]

Right into this side of his. Oh, man.

[Brady]

The other bull's like, f. Run and find out, bro.

[Dick Toledo]

I might have gotten his heart that.

[John]

Was deep all the way through. And to that I say, good. I like when the bulls win.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah.

[John]

Not the basketball team so much. Don't care. But you want to mess around and start stabbing animals and they got a chance to stab you back. I'm rooting for them. They don't even know they're in a fight. You're the only one that knows it's a fight. All right, Bert, what do you got?

[Brady]

All right.

[Dick Toledo]

Start off with a little.

[Brady]

I don't know if this is a job site or what. It doesn't. I can't tell, but it's in a. You know, it's one of the cruddy countries.

[John]

Yeah. It's massive staircase. Is that a staircase? That's it. Yeah. And then we're at the. Oh, this person going down this cruddy staircase. Looks like we're in Gaza. This thing's been destroyed. Wander down middle of about 80 stairs, and here comes Ola. For no reason at all, there's a pickup truck backing up down the staircase. And that's the end of that.

[Brady]

I told you to put the E brake on.

[John]

Yeah. When you're parked on top of the stair, that's like the Exorcist staircase.

[Brady]

Yeah, that is steep.

[John]

Okay.

[Brady]

My friend Chad sent me this, and.

[John]

Crandall also sent me this helicopter landing. It's putting itself down there. Dirt. It's a guy filming it. Another guy filming it by walking towards the helicopter. Oh, no.

[Kurt]

Wow.

[John]

That's why they did that in mash.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John]

Oh, my God. Oh, God. Brett, these are getting out of hand now.

[Brady]

This one's not so bad. Misjudging here, but all right.

[John]

We got a. One of those human cannons.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John]

Somebody in a rocket. They shoot the human cannonball across the thing and they miss the net. Okay.

[Brady]

Oh, sorry.

[John]

And then people keep cussing. Yeah. A guy just missed the net after the. He gets shot out of the cannon. And then people started cussing. Wow.

[Brady]

Let's get to the fun stuff.

[John]

That one wasn't bad. He kind of hit the corner of the net. Saved him. Otherwise, just going to land in that. That parking lot of that grocery store.

[Kurt]

That one last week.

[Brady]

Okay. You didn't skip this one, though, right?

[John]

Yeah. There's a.

[Brady]

Here's going shopping for tennis rackets at Walmart, Brady.

[John]

Cute girl. Walmart. She's got a skirt. She's lifting her skirt up. Is that a ping pong paddle? She's got a ping pong paddle. She's licking her finger spray. She's getting things ready. Now she's got the handle of the ping pong paddle that someone will eventually buy, and it's being inserted into her next to the mop. She's got the mop bucket from one of the employees. And she said, pickleball. Pickleball. What kind of pickle? Ping pong paddle in her handle. In the ping pong paddle. And then she puts it back.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, good. She's wearing a mask.

[John]

She's wearing a mask, though, for safety. And there's her ass, which is fantastic.

[Dick Toledo]

Not bad.

[John]

Wow. What raised that?

[Brady]

Yeah. And then we'll just end. We'll just end here because she's really pretty.

[John]

And then she does that with her days.

[Brady]

We'll just end with this one.

[John]

Made me want to play ping Pong. Oh, what's. What is this? You might be curious about the diameter of my prolapse. Oh, what it might look like.

[Dick Toledo]

I am not.

[John]

So let's take this. No, just show.

[Kurt]

Oh, there's a bunch of.

[John]

Spell out, fall behind. She starts hitting it.

[Dick Toledo]

Her screen name. Prolapse.

[John]

Yeah, her name, if you're curious. On Instagram.

[Kurt]

So proud.

[John]

I'm gonna give it, like, a little hint of what it might look like. So let's take this. Okay.

[Brady]

She just shows.

[John]

Oh, I like the sound effects.

[Kurt]

Party favor. My God.

[John]

But her butthole. And then she has to smack it back. Oh, and then she licks her finger and she's unattractive. And her buttholes out. Oh, man, we're ending there.

[Brady]

Why not? He likes the prolapse video.

[John]

You mean society. We're gonna end that.

[Dick Toledo]

She poops in an outhouse.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah.

[Kurt]

Oh, speaking of things. Of. How does it work?

[John]

Oh, yeah, I have no idea. That's the thing. Like, nowadays, we've seen some, like, we watch those.

[Brady]

Don't want to know how it works.

[John]

We've watched those videos so often, we've seen, like, buttholes fall out and stuff like that, like, hundreds of times. Imagine being in the early 1900s and that happens to you. You have no idea. You've got to feel like I'm the only person that this has ever happened to. My inside butthole is on the outside now, and you stuff it back in and you never tell anyone. This one, you film it, you're putting it on. You got a name. The Prolapse Whore. Like, you. Like, it's normal now, but I. I guarantee Even in the 70s, if your butthole fell out, you wouldn't. You'd be like, oh, my God. Yeah, this. I'm the only person this has ever happened to.

[Kurt]

Chebediah. Push the plow too hard.

[Dick Toledo]

What is that?

[John]

I don't know. I'm going in for a minute. And then you do. What happened? I don't know. Strain something and you never talk about it.

[Dick Toledo]

Burlap, too. So that couldn't feel good.

[John]

No, that had to be Sandy. We can admit that. That our ancestors buttholes were a lot tougher than ours. We're soft back there.

[Kurt]

Had to have been.

[John]

I don't know, maybe not. We do stuff to our buttholes now that they would have never done.

[Kurt]

Oh, I'm collecting the older. Oh, they're stronger.

[John]

They weren't throwing that.

[Kurt]

They weren't. I don't think they're doing it as much.

[John]

What do you mean?

[Kurt]

I don't think they're going for large.

[John]

Objects in their butts.

[Kurt]

Yeah.

[John]

Why not?

[Kurt]

I don't know. I.

[Dick Toledo]

You just wanna.

[John]

You just have a hard time believing.

[Kurt]

I mean, they did have some options.

[John]

They were dirtier than anybody. They had.

[Kurt]

They had stronger and stronger butts.

[John]

You think? So they could take more punishment. I'd say today's butthole takes more punishment than the olden days. Guaranteed. There's more. Yeah. They didn't have. They had to. Maybe it was a little bit more tolerant of, like, tree bark, but I think buttholes today are more resilient than ever.

[Dick Toledo]

Tolerant of tree.

[John]

Yeah. Well, because that's the only. They didn't make toys for buttholes back then. Everybody was pretending it wasn't a thing.

[Dick Toledo]

The whittler could have gotten a little of that bark off of there, though.

[John]

No. Well, you. Some of that and then sand it down. Yeah. Or like a smooth river rock. Are you looking that up on your phone?

[Kurt]

Just asking 1. I'm just asking a simple question. What was the first prolapse?

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, yeah, because that'll be cattle.

[John]

Come on. Hey, I just got that down.

[Kurt]

April 18th in 1641, 2000 BC, uterine prolapse in Egypt. That was recorded on first one.

[John]

But still after that, up until, like, 2014, no one ever mentioned it again. No one. Now it's on tv. Is your vagina falling out again? Do you need a mesh? I'm like, how many times does it fall out? You've already got. When they say mesh failure, that means it's happened before you got it fixed, and now that you're expecting it to happen again, it's like the worst beaver dam of all time. No pun intended.

[Kurt]

I'm not even going to read the one line because what does it say?

[Brady]

Oh, go ahead.

[John]

You looked it up.

[Kurt]

This happened tonight.

[John]

Really?

[Dick Toledo]

Seared tuna, man.

[John]

Yeah.

[Kurt]

In 98 BC, Ceranus of Rome described the removal of a prolapse uterus when it became black.

[John]

No, that doesn't have.

[Kurt]

Serenus is his name.

[John]

We didn't get it the first time.

[Brady]

Come on, Toledo.

[John]

And now he's trying to spell it. Like we didn't understand this terrible joke. We're done. No, no, you're done. Exactly. You were trying to make a joke. You're telling us it's no joke.

[Kurt]

Wow.

[John]

Fact is right, that. That's no joke.

[Kurt]

Idiot.

[Brady]

I'm gonna go see what Izzy's doing.

[John]

I'll be in with you. Hey, Izzy, did you hear about Serenus and Mike Schmidt?

[Kurt]

Serenus of Rome.

[E]

My boy Schmidt, he's my frat brother.

[John]

Call him up.

[Kurt]

No, I don't want to bother him.

[John]

That would be impossible anyway. Does he go to the meetings for Ohio University? Fraternity meetings?

[Kurt]

He has, but not. It's been a while.

[John]

Do you. You go out?

[Kurt]

I've gone once.

[John]

Really?

[Kurt]

To a alumni convention.

[John]

You just kind of stand around and. A room full of dudes.

[Kurt]

Yeah.

[John]

Sounds a little gay.

[Dick Toledo]

John, from now on, instead of telling Brady to take a lap, can you just fade up the Don't Stop Believing song?

[Kurt]

Yeah, we'll just.

[John]

Okay, yeah. We'll end him Soprano style. That'll be enough of that. There you go. That's your Brady report. It's 98 KUPD. It's out of control now.