Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona: Episode Summary (03-31-25)

Episode Title: Reactions Emails On The Elementary Kids Singing At DBacks Game - New Torture Show Detailed Scavenger's Daughter Device And Seems To Be Specifically For John - Odd Suns Caballero Hat Night
Release Date: March 31, 2025
Host: John Holmberg with Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo
Platform: 98 KUPD | Hubbard Radio

1. Reactions to Elementary Kids Singing at Diamondbacks Game

The episode kicks off with the hosts addressing listener emails reacting to the elementary school kids' performance of the national anthem at a Arizona Diamondbacks (DBacks) game. John Holmberg leads the critique, expressing strong disapproval of the children's rendition.

• John Holmberg (00:40): "Brady just asked me about last night's game... the team is so bad and they just have got to trade everyone."

• Brady Bogen (01:30): "You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you?"

The group humorously discusses various preschools involved, highlighting the stark contrast between the intended performance and the actual execution.

• John Holmberg (03:16): "At least I could jump off the steamboat and swim back."

They delve into the specifics of the preschool performances, particularly mocking the Maryvale Preschool's attempt at harmonies reminiscent of Boyz II Men.

• John Holmberg (04:18): "That kid's doing five year old."

The conversation underscores the hosts' frustration with the quality of the performances, leading to exaggerated suggestions for parental and institutional accountability.

2. Deep Dive into the Scavenger's Daughter Torture Device

Transitioning from sports to a more macabre topic, John introduces the "Scavenger's Daughter," a historically brutal torture device, drawing parallels to other inhumane methods.

• John Holmberg (11:00): "The Scavenger's Daughter is like... you just keep getting constricted more and more until your head pops off."

He provides a vivid description of the device, emphasizing its gruesome nature and questioning the moral fabric of those who perpetuate such atrocities.

• John Holmberg (13:24): "It's the one thing you can't defend is singing. Children, a sinner comes before you."

The hosts express vehement opposition to the preschoolers' performances by equating them metaphorically to the torturous device, highlighting their disdain.

3. Criticism of Suns' Western Night and Promotional Strategies

The hosts shift their focus to the Phoenix Suns' "Western Night," criticizing the team's promotional decisions, particularly the distribution of ill-fitting cowboy hats.

• John Holmberg (18:55): "They gave away cowboy hats... we all looked like Woody kept mini hats."

• Brady Bogen (19:36): "Someone in the promo department made a Missouri. How could this deal be so good?"

The conversation mocks the practicality and appropriateness of the promotion, suggesting it inadvertently resembles styles associated with border patrol stereotypes.

• John Holmberg (20:26): "The whole thing just seems so screwy."

They sarcastically speculate on the intended outcomes of such promotions, insinuating ulterior motives behind the marketing tactics.

4. Frustration with Modern Media Algorithms

John and Brady discuss their exasperation with how modern algorithms on streaming services dictate content, often pushing unsettling or unwanted programs.

• John Holmberg (16:50): "It's like Brady's algorithm on Instagram."

• Brady Bogen (17:12): "Cleanse it. Put it on a couple other different shows. It evens out."

They lament the lack of control over their viewing choices, feeling inundated by repetitive and distressing content selections.

5. Baseball Updates: The Torpedo Bat and Diamondbacks' Performance

Shifting back to sports, the hosts delve into the introduction of the "Torpedo Bat" in baseball, analyzing its impact on gameplay.

• John Holmberg (26:26): "It's brand new... shaped like a doobie."

• Brady Bogen (27:14): "The bat must be one solid continuous piece of wood."

They critique the bat's design and its current exploitation by teams like the Yankees, predicting future regulatory changes.

• John Holmberg (27:36): "Soon someone’s going to hit 100 home runs."

The discussion highlights the technological advancements in sports equipment and their potential effects on the game's integrity.

6. Personal Anecdotes and Listener Engagement

The hosts share personal stories, including bracket predictions for the college tournament and heartwarming listener emails about pet adoptions.

• John Holmberg (29:03): "I have all four [bracket predictions], and I'm in fourth place."

• Listener Email (29:47): "We just adopted this week's pick of litter. Monkey."

They balance critical discussions with relatable, everyday topics, fostering a sense of community with their audience.

7. Music Selection and Kids Singing Heavy Metal Songs

Wrapping up, the hosts express frustration over children performing heavy metal songs that contain explicit language, contrasting sharply with their initial critique of the national anthem performances.

• John Holmberg (32:34): "I hate your mother effing kids, is."

• Brady Bogen (33:18): "Do they have a kid's bop version?"

They debate the appropriateness of such song choices for young performers, suggesting more age-appropriate alternatives while maintaining their characteristic humor.

8. Closing Remarks

In their signature style, the hosts blend humor with critique, providing a lively and engaging discourse that reflects their commitment to entertaining and challenging their listeners.

• John Holmberg (34:32): "It's Slayer here. It's Raining Blood. It's your wake up song."

The episode concludes with an invitation to upcoming events and a reminder of their station's position as Arizona's premier rock radio outlet.

Notable Quotes:

• John Holmberg (00:40): "Brady just asked me about last night's game... the team is so bad and they just have got to trade everyone."

• Brady Bogen (01:30): "You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you?"

• John Holmberg (11:00): "The Scavenger's Daughter is like... you just keep getting constricted more and more until your head pops off."

• John Holmberg (18:55): "They gave away cowboy hats... we all looked like Woody kept mini hats."

• Brady Bogen (27:14): "The bat must be one solid continuous piece of wood."

Conclusion

This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness masterfully intertwines sharp sports commentary with dark humor and societal critiques. From dissecting children's performances at baseball games to delving into historical torture devices, the hosts deliver a barrage of entertaining and thought-provoking discussions. Their candid banter and exaggerated frustrations resonate with listeners, ensuring that even those unfamiliar with the podcast can appreciate the dynamic and engaging content presented.