04-01-25 - BR - TUE - Thriller Is Finally Back To Explain What Took Him So Long Getting Coke Zero - Study Says Men Can't Hear As Well As Women - New Dehli Pooping Thief Caught

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona: Episode Summary (April 1, 2025)

Release Date: April 1, 2025

Host: John Holmberg with Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo

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Introduction

In this April Fool-themed episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness on Arizona's #1 Morning Radio Show, host John Holmberg and his team engage listeners with a mix of humor, relatable anecdotes, and intriguing news segments. The episode, released on April 1, 2025, balances lighthearted banter with insightful discussions, ensuring an entertaining start to the day for their wide array of listeners.

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Corey's Great Coke Zero Quest

One of the standout segments of the episode revolves around Corey's elaborate yet comical adventure to procure Coke Zero. What began as a simple task to restock their soda supply spirals into a humorous narrative highlighting Corey's misadventures.

Corey's Dilemma: John Holmberg initiates the story by assigning Corey the task of fetching Coke Zero, emphasizing its urgency:

"We needed a new soda slave because we're out of Coke." [02:11]

The Miscommunication: Corey attempts the mission but faces confusion over product labeling, particularly distinguishing between "Coke Zero" and "Coke Zero Sugar." This confusion leads to multiple store visits and an extended time away from the studio.

"It's just zero sugar. It only said zero sugar." [03:27] — Corey

John chimes in with his frustration:

"What the hell is wrong with you?" [01:18]

The Outcome: After a series of missteps, including an unnecessary detour to South Phoenix based on faulty GPS directions, Corey eventually returns with the much-needed soda, albeit after an hour and 25 minutes.

"It took an hour and 25 minutes to get soda." [05:29] — John Holmberg

The team humorously critiques Corey's transportation skills, with Brady adding:

"He lost money on that." [05:29]

Notable Quote: John Holmberg sums up the ordeal with a mix of humor and exasperation:

"You've made a terrible error this morning. Let me just say cheers. I'm drinking a Coke Zero, so I guess I can't complain too much." [05:48]

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Study Reveals Men Can't Hear as Well as Women

Transitioning from Corey's escapades, the show delves into a compelling scientific study highlighting gender differences in hearing abilities.

Study Insights: Brady Bogen presents the study's findings:

"Scientists tested people's hearing in different countries around the world and found it's true everywhere. The average woman has a 2 decibel advantage and up to 6 decibels with some frequencies." [21:14]

Implications: John Holmberg adds a humorous yet thoughtful take on the results:

"Sorry, ladies. We try to hear you, but sometimes we can't. So you can't blame us anymore. It's genetic." [21:35]

Brady further explains potential reasons behind the disparity:

"They think it might just come down to hormones or how our ears develop in the womb. They think it's possible for women's brains are a little bit better at processing sound too. But they found that's not true." [21:45]

Discussion: The hosts engage in a light-hearted debate about the study's implications, considering both biological and environmental factors that might contribute to the difference in hearing capabilities between men and women.

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New Delhi's Pooping Thief Finally Caught

Adding to the episode's intriguing news lineup, the team covers an unusual crime story from New Delhi involving a persistent thief with a unique modus operandi.

The Crime: Brady introduces the story:

"Police in New Delhi have finally been able to capture the elusive thief who would always poop his pants when he was in danger of getting caught." [27:53]

Details of the Capture: The thief's unusual tactic of defecating under threat made him a notorious figure, complicating his apprehension:

"But he kept one on deck. Of course, that. That food over there. I think the second you unclench your kegel, it tumbles out." [28:11] — John Holmberg

Community Reaction: The hosts discuss the impact of the thief's actions on the local community, highlighting the challenges law enforcement faced due to the offensive defense mechanism employed by the criminal.

"Witnesses not to people in New Delhi. It's just even in New Delhi. That's how bad." [27:56] — John Holmberg

Notable Quote: John Holmberg humorously concludes the segment:

"If poop smell in New Delhi outweighs all the poop smell of New Delhi, you're doing something special." [27:56]

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Brady Report: April Fools' Day Real News

Expanding beyond the numbered main topics, the episode features the Brady Report, a segment dedicated to sorting real news from April Fool's pranks—a fitting inclusion for the day.

Historical Pranks: Brady shares instances where genuine news was mistaken for April Fool's jokes:

"There have been times when real news that breaks on April 1st gets dismissed as April Fool's Day prank. 1984. The murder of Marvin Gaye." [17:26]

Listener Engagement: The segment encourages listeners to discern fact from fiction, especially on a day notorious for playful deceptions.

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Additional Highlights

• MMP Guns Advertisement: The episode includes a promotional segment for MMP Guns.com, highlighting their extensive selection of firearms and accessories.

• Listener Interactions and Humor: Throughout the episode, the hosts engage in witty exchanges and playful teasing, enhancing the show's lively atmosphere.

  "You're a moron, boy. What company would go to the great lengths of calling something the same thing two times Coke Zero? Coke Zero Sugar?" [11:58] — Byron

• Ground News Promotion: John Holmberg advertises Ground News, a platform offering unbiased news from multiple sources, emphasizing the importance of forming one's own opinions.

  "Ground News takes all sides and lets you form your own opinion by posting all the news from all the different leaning services so you can make the comparisons and form your own opinion." [23:02]

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Conclusion

This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness masterfully blends humor, personal stories, and informative segments to engage and entertain listeners. From Corey's Coke Zero quest and a revealing study on gender differences in hearing to an eccentric crime story from New Delhi, the show offers a diverse array of content. The hosts' chemistry and playful interactions, coupled with insightful discussions, make for an entertaining and memorable broadcast that resonates with both regular listeners and newcomers alike.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• "We needed a new soda slave because we're out of Coke." — John Holmberg [02:11]
• "What the hell is wrong with you?" — John Holmberg [01:18]
• "Sorry, ladies. We try to hear you, but sometimes we can't. So you can't blame us anymore. It's genetic." — John Holmberg [21:35]
• "Police in New Delhi have finally been able to capture the elusive thief who would always poop his pants when he was in danger of getting caught." — Brady [27:53]
• "If poop smell in New Delhi outweighs all the poop smell of New Delhi, you're doing something special." — John Holmberg [27:56]
• "Ground News takes all sides and lets you form your own opinion by posting all the news from all the different leaning services so you can make the comparisons and form your own opinion." — John Holmberg [23:02]

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This comprehensive summary encapsulates the essence of the April Fool-themed episode, providing listeners with a clear understanding of the show's content and highlights.

Transcript

[Brett]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[Corey]

Come on down to the Ranch House Grill.

[John Holmberg]

Comfort food is your next meal.

[Brett]

Pork chili verde, chicken fried steak.

[John Holmberg]

Ranch House knows you'll think it's great.

[Doug Hopkins]

Are you ready for the best breakfast in Phoenix? Ranch House Grill has been voted best breakfast four years in a row. We're famous for our chicken fried steak, pork chili verde and large portions. Located in the heart of Arcadia. Join us for breakfast or lunch seven days a week, 6am to 2pm We're a family restaurant with a small town atmosphere serving southwestern comfort food for 18 years. Come on down to the Ranch House Grill for the best breakfast in Phoenix at 56th street and Thomas Road.

[John Holmberg]

It's John Holmberg here and it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of my home group and Doug Hopkins dot com. Man, the economic news is topsy turvy. Even people who aren't normally confused by the housing market see things right now that might confuse them. Doug will make you a cash offer for your home as is. No repairs, no inspections, none of that stuff. And he'll back it up with a $5,000 guarantee. Plus he'll never cancel. You just need to call TVs Doug Hopkins right now. 1-800-Sale Now. Or start the US online@doug hopkins.com. everybody sing. You thought that was funny?

[Brady]

You were laughing like a hyena when he said it.

[John Holmberg]

What the hell is wrong with you? Look who's back.

[Brett]

I thought we'd never hear the song again.

[John Holmberg]

We thought we lost you for sure.

[Corey]

What's the secret of the Valley?

[John Holmberg]

6:28Am I text Corey now. We used to have a girl downstairs brattling that. We would make her go get sodas on her way into work, but she's long moved away.

[Corey]

Okay.

[Brett]

Back in Georgia or something.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know.

[Brett]

She could have got here faster.

[John Holmberg]

We still should have texted her. We still could have asked. Hey, on your way into work this morning. She's okay. I'll do it. What's the time limit? I don't know. We'll have Corey set the bar. So we sent Thriller out to get soda629. I said, are you in the building? We're going to. We needed a new soda slave because we're out of Coke. And he said, sure, I'll help out. Well, at first you said you're here and then you came waddling down the hallway.

[Corey]

Well, I thought you mean for like some April Fool's bit. I was, I'm so ready for whatever.

[John Holmberg]

It is you're ready to play, which I appreciate. So he comes wandering on the hall. He's like, what are you like, yeah, we just need somebody to go get us some coke. We can't go because I got nothing going on. I'll do it. We figured. Yeah, nothing going on at Katus, which is what? Katy US 1060. And right there on the T shirt, it says nothing going on. Oh, so it's true. You left for an hour and 20 minutes and nothing was an hour. You were gone for a long.

[Corey]

It was an hour. But yes. So let me make one thing clear. First off, I know what the two corner store is right next to us.

[John Holmberg]

I went to this first and you said you'd go. And they were like, cool, I sent you. And even better, he was so diligent. I'm like, I'll just send you some money. And he goes, sell it. And he's on his way out like you were. We saw you get in your car, speed out of here like a minute later.

[Corey]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

So we were on your way. We were gonna have soda in the house. Ten minutes max.

[Corey]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

There's a store a tenth of a mile north and even less than that south.

[Brady]

Yeah, a good little 440.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You maybe get one lap around the track to get to that one. Absolutely true.

[Corey]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

All right, go ahead.

[Corey]

Okay, So I go to the closer store first, and I don't really see anything except for Pepsi. So that wasn't going to work in the first place.

[John Holmberg]

We don't want that.

[Corey]

I ditch that store, go to the next closed store. Second closed store has the Coke Zero, but I don't drink enough soda to know the difference. I don't know if Coke Zero is Coke Zero sugar. It only said zero sugar.

[John Holmberg]

Coke Zero sugar.

[Corey]

The zero I know is the black can.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. But you're looking for Coke Zero, comma sugar. You're thinking that's what it said.

[Corey]

I think it's just zero. So when I see zero sugar, I think, that's the wrong one.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, gotcha.

[Corey]

So I was, okay, that's not either. So I go on my phone and say, okay, Coke Zero near me. And I just don't trust Google anymore.

[John Holmberg]

Wait a minute. Oh, dear me. They're right under your feet. It didn't tell you this store here.

[Corey]

I thought zero sugar and zero were different things.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Corey]

So I was like, oh, I've seen plenty of zero sugar, but that's not the right one.

[John Holmberg]

Confusing marketing. Yes. Okay.

[Corey]

I assume they're failing. Anyway, so I go on my phone and I search it, and for whatever reason, it says, go to the Walmart over on Baseline.

[John Holmberg]

Baseline. And What?

[Corey]

It's like 24th Street.

[John Holmberg]

That's South Phoenix.

[Corey]

Yeah. I was like, oh, if it has it, I'll go. So I said, screw it. I hopped in. I blasted it.

[John Holmberg]

You took freeways?

[Corey]

I took 143. Yes.

[John Holmberg]

To get to Coke Zero. Yes. And you passed countless amount of cans of Coke Zero.

[Corey]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

I'm sure to go to the place. And then when did you realize I'm the dumbest man alive?

[Corey]

No, see, I texted you saying, are they the same thing right about now?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Corey]

I was almost to baseline 24th. And then you say, no, they're the same thing. Like, oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Cause you text me and said, it's Coke Zero and Coke Zero sugar the same. And I'm like, yeah, it's Coke Zero. It's the Coke Zero sugar, Coke Zero. And you're like, ah. So you get. Where did you get it?

[Corey]

So I literally baseline on 24th.

[John Holmberg]

So you got to the Walmart?

[Corey]

Yes. So I popped a UE right away and came back. But as you would imagine, why not.

[John Holmberg]

Just go to the Walmart? You're there?

[Brady]

Yeah, yeah.

[Corey]

I just. I wanted to get here as soon as I could.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's the opposite.

[Corey]

It didn't work out, so I popped the UE. I went on baseline and 1:43. This time of day, as you can imagine, very busy.

[John Holmberg]

You're in traffic now.

[Corey]

Yes, but on the way back, I stopped by the 711 over on McDowell, grabbed three packs for you, and now scored.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It took an hour and 25 minutes to get soda twist. And I'll tell you, you are in all forms, evidently terrible at transportation. You know, any mobility at all is hindered your hand handicapped in every possible way when it means getting from A to B.

[Brady]

He lost money on that.

[Corey]

I am so happy I did not get a speeding tick. I'll be real. I was blazing towards the end there.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you can get out of that. I spent $35.

[Corey]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

For the Coke Zeros. Just because it was a you fly by situation. I figured they're 10 or 11 bucks at a Circle K to get right. Is that about right? Ten and you got three. So you made two dollars. And I, I always said was get.

[Brady]

Two seven in gas.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And now I got to give him more money.

[Corey]

No, no, no. This is my time card. Regardless, this counts as my day at Work.

[John Holmberg]

Goddamn right. All right, cool. You didn't cross loving hearing that. No, Cory.

[Corey]

No, he's not listening.

[Brady]

Happy birthday.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, you're not a KDOS right now. He is listening.

[Brett]

Oh, no.

[John Holmberg]

And he will go. I'll talk to Corey later. Looks like somebody needs a little extra plasma. Give. Oh, anyway, well, thanks.

[Corey]

Yeah, of course.

[Brady]

We thought maybe you did stop for a little plasma.

[Corey]

No, no, no, no.

[John Holmberg]

Like a. Like a prostitute one here.

[Corey]

It's only an hour and a half.

[John Holmberg]

It didn't dawn on you though that there has to be a grocery store? 24th and Baseline.

[Corey]

I saw it as like a three strikes thing where it's like, okay, I want to try one more store and then I'm gonna give up.

[Brady]

What about asking the clerk that?

[Corey]

You know, I don't talk to strangers.

[John Holmberg]

That's a good idea. I. I appreciate. Well, he's got to remember he doesn't want to run away.

[Brady]

Stranger. That is a guy there to help you.

[John Holmberg]

That's true.

[Corey]

A guy who works all day at a 7 11. There's no reason to be nice to me.

[John Holmberg]

Just gonna rape you.

[Corey]

No, I just like. Just like lie to me. Say, oh, you know, go. Go down the road. Actually go to Flagstaff.

[John Holmberg]

He would risk his job.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Telling a guy that Coke Zero.

[Corey]

If you're stuck working 7:11 all day, I feel like you've mentally and emotionally checked out.

[Brett]

Sure.

[John Holmberg]

But why would you. Why would you take the time to say, I'm not even going to tell people where stuff is?

[Corey]

Why not? What's the downside? You get fired.

[John Holmberg]

I guess that's true. Boy, that's a real cynical way to look at things.

[Corey]

I used to work retail.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, I did too. I've worked with people and I know it's fun to mess with it. It's easier on you.

[Corey]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

If you don't.

[Brady]

You enjoyed helping people.

[John Holmberg]

And you see some guy scurrying up to you with one dead leg and he's like, hey, it was Coke Zero and Coke Zero sugar. Same things like, yeah, you.

[Brady]

This is a joke, right?

[Byron]

But in my.

[John Holmberg]

But my thoughts, Corey, are if I pass freeway exits.

[Corey]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

To get to Soda, I gotta think in my head, there's gotta be something along those roads.

[Corey]

I'm sure there was, but I wasn't gonna risk.

[John Holmberg]

And your GPS is off. Like, there's. The closest Coke Zero to you was in South Phoenix.

[Corey]

According to what my phone said. That's what my phone said.

[John Holmberg]

You don't pay enough. I gotta get a new phone. You need a new Phone.

[Corey]

I gotta get update.

[Brady]

You're spending a lot of time in South Phoenix.

[John Holmberg]

Does your GPS have a little wagon on it that follows you around? I was like, oregon Trailbag. It's an eight bit.

[Corey]

Do you ford the river, yes or no? Don't do it.

[John Holmberg]

You'll die. Where's Coke Zero? Near me is my favorite part of that. Well, anyway, Cory, I'm glad you're all right. It took you way too long.

[Corey]

Yes, it did.

[John Holmberg]

And I thought it was an April Fool's joke on us. For 35 bucks, he was just gonna go home.

[Corey]

I had thought of the first two stores. I'm like, wait, they probably don't have 12 packs of zero. This is all a prank.

[John Holmberg]

Would have been fun to do. I would have sent you out for, like, a snipe hunt.

[Corey]

Yeah, like that. Did you?

[Brady]

That's next.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Well, we didn't know, but we're going to play a new game called.

[Corey]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Corey Walsh versus the West Valley. You text us your address in Waddell.

[Corey]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

And we'll send both of you guys out to get the same product and see who gets here first. I think Waddell wins nine times out of ten.

[Corey]

That's very possible, but we don't know.

[Brett]

That's the FanDuel odds on that.

[John Holmberg]

Can't use your phone.

[Corey]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

No GPS. Sure they can, because they're in Waddell. They're at a huge. They're handicapped, so to speak.

[Corey]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

In the game, racing, Corey. This is a great game.

[Corey]

Oh, goodness.

[John Holmberg]

Have you guys driving all over town getting. And by the way, take your time. No rush. Cory is not coming back. As a matter of fact, deliberately.

[Corey]

They were the same thing starting out. Al, Been done in five minutes.

[Brady]

He's staring right at the Coke Zero and he's walking out.

[Corey]

I literally. Yes. Three different stores. I did that. I walked in hurriedly, left, right, left, right, and then just stared at the wall and walked away.

[John Holmberg]

And nobody said, can I help you?

[Corey]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody looked at you like, I'm not talking to anybody.

[Corey]

They're busy.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And then you get in traffic on a freeway instead of just coming back like I'd have done and going, you know what? Doordash it, asshole. I got work to do.

[Corey]

No, you give me money. I wanted to make your money work.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that was. I appreciate your. That's nice. But, Corey, you've made a terrible error this morning. Let me just say cheers. I'm drinking a Coke Zero, so I guess I can't complain too much.

[Corey]

You didn't know I poisoned it the fool.

[Brady]

Good stuff.

[John Holmberg]

The lot of people I hang around with right now, poisoning my drink would pretty much be a blessing. All right, Corey, thank you very much. It's Thriller Walsh, everybody. Excellent job. Now get back to whatever it is you do down there.

[Corey]

I do have work to do, so I'll get back to it.

[Brett]

An hour.

[John Holmberg]

He can leave.

[Brady]

So much for catching up.

[Corey]

I got ahead of my work.

[Brady]

I got ahead.

[John Holmberg]

But why show up at 6 if you can kill an hour at 7?

[Corey]

Well, cause then my day is shorter.

[Byron]

Is it?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we just added an hour to it.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, so you're gonna leave it what, two?

[Corey]

Probably.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. All right. Thank you, Thriller. We got things to do.

[Corey]

All right, you guys get back to work.

[John Holmberg]

We will. Well, thank you. Yeah, thanks a lot. We'll get back to talking to listeners. I'm not sure what it is you guys do down there.

[Corey]

I would do the same thing. Nope, it's just maybe one sided.

[John Holmberg]

Some days you're missing one key element. What's that, listeners? Oh, thank you, Corey. That's right, get out of here.

[Corey]

Have a good one.

[John Holmberg]

Run away, Sanjay.

[Brett]

So we should have sent him to his 7 11. He's nice at his.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, go to Sanjay. 7 11.

[Byron]

Crippled boy. What is it you are seeking?

[John Holmberg]

I'm not allowed to say seek.

[Byron]

No, no, no, no. Not that kind of seeking. What are you seeking? You are making me nervous with all of your limping and dragging around and panicked face.

[John Holmberg]

Is Coke Zero and Coke Zero sugar the same?

[Byron]

You are a moron, boy. What company would go to the great lengths of calling something the same thing two times Coke Zero? Coke Zero Sugar?

[Brady]

I don't know.

[Byron]

Coke, sugary type 0. What are you thinking? Coke 00:30? It's for military only.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, go to Sanjay's next time.

[Byron]

Oh, here comes the confused crippled boy. What are you seeking for your friends today? The Funyuns are always the same.

[Brady]

I don't know about this Zero Sugar thing.

[John Holmberg]

You know, I like that he didn't want to make a mistake. Yeah, but what company in their right mind has Coke Zero? Coke Zero Sugar that might have sugar? Is that zero?

[Brady]

No, it says it.

[John Holmberg]

Is Zero the name or is Zero Sugar the thing? If there's a comma, Coke Zero, wait for it. Sugar. Or they're just real sweet to you because they are from Atlanta. Coke Zero sugar.

[Brady]

Or is he a mask hero?

[John Holmberg]

I am Zero and I'm Zero Sugar. The most confusing marketing plan of all time.

[Brett]

I mean, all you got to do is Google the images.

[John Holmberg]

There they are.

[Brett]

I mean, there is a black can. I'll give them that.

[John Holmberg]

Yep.

[Brett]

But the one right next to. It's the red one.

[John Holmberg]

I mean it's. Yeah, Coke Zero near me. And it took him like. Even the phone was like, are you kidding me? You're going to South Phoenix today, son.

[Byron]

Oh, no, no, no, no. The crippled boy is on an errand again. What do we do?

[Brett]

We're here with Byron from MMP Guns. Byron. Why should someone choose to go to MMP Guns?

[Milt]

The choice is simple, Brett. MMP Guns is your one stop shop for all your shooting needs. We offer Arizona's largest selection. Handguns, rifles, shotguns, new and pre owned. We also have a large selection of ammunition, accessories and even training. In fact, right now all pre owned firearms are 20% off. All new firearms. We have ammo ink, 9 millimeter hollow points for only 12.99 a box and much more.

[Brett]

Well, it sounds like M and P Guns is committed to providing the customers with the best possible service and selection.

[Milt]

That's a fact. You can visit us at the store at the northeast corner of 12th street and Indian School or online at m&p.

[John Holmberg]

Guns.Com Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[Byron]

Let's send him to Milt's house. In the door.

[John Holmberg]

Our black one.

[Brady]

No caffeine.

[John Holmberg]

I think it's just.

[Brett]

That's just the old.

[John Holmberg]

I think it's because they rely on the fact that people aren't this dumb. And it's just a kick ass can. Again, it just says Coke Zero. If you can't figure it out from there, it's your problem.

[Brett]

I'm gonna. I'm gonna Google Coke Zero near me and see what it says on my phone or like use maps or something.

[John Holmberg]

The second Sanjay is in this 7:11 and he's just looking out the window.

[Byron]

Oh boy, here comes that kid again. He's just coming in to stare at things. This is not a lending library or a museum. You cannot just look at the artwork. You have to buy something.

[John Holmberg]

Is this the same thing as this?

[Brett]

Yes.

[Byron]

The thing named the same is the same. Coke Zero is Coke Zero no matter how you slice it. Does this have anything to do with you falling out of your mother's womb too soon?

[John Holmberg]

I better go over to South Phoenix. They'll know what to do. The second he got on the freeway, he had to know. This is a bad day. When you're on a freeway entrance and you've missed it's a soda run and.

[Brady]

It'S doom turning around because you're back on. You're in traffic.

[John Holmberg]

Think of how far he went. Think of it. He was down by the Raven and.

[Brady]

Went right by the Raven. Then Legacy and six more streets.

[John Holmberg]

He had a real good view of South Mountain. Keep in mind, he started with a real good view of Camelback Mountain. All to get us some pop.

[Byron]

Oh, no, no, no. Turn around. You are in the wrong place, young man.

[Brett]

Why wouldn't he go north? Why go to South Phoenix? Go to PV or something.

[John Holmberg]

Told him to go. Hopefully. Hopefully get off Boost mobile and go to Sanjay next time. You guys have Coke Zero.

[Byron]

Oh, no, no, no. It's an exclusive soda pop, my friend. The only place you can get that is Albuquerque, New Mexico.

[John Holmberg]

Off you go.

[Brady]

The closest black cans.

[Byron]

Yeah, don't. Don't get the black cans. As you know, stay away from the black cans.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe that's his racism, too. Yeah, the only place I can get black stuff is South Phoenix.

[Brett]

Oh, Zara Maryville. South Phoenix is closer.

[John Holmberg]

These cans are black.

[Byron]

If you like black cans, there's no place better to go than 24th street in wasteland, my friend. The black cans are everywhere. Coke Zero like myself only comes in black cans.

[Brett]

And Sanjay just sends this to me.

[John Holmberg]

It's a soda. And this is some dude in a turban. Sanjay, you're the only one allowed to do that. Anyway, it's time for the Brady Report. What a day. It's April fool's on us. It happens.

[Brett]

Yeah, he pulled one over on us.

[John Holmberg]

He got us with just a waiting game, and we. For a little while, we thought we'd killed Corey. It's time for the Brady Report. It's brought to you by our friends at all Pro Shade Concepts, throwing shade on Corey all morning. You can throw it on your back patio as well. It's like Brady did. He got all pro shade out there, got his backyard all set up, and basically the new Arizona room. Is this the shade? They're awesome. And more I look into this, the more I wish I don't have a good spot. I'm looking for one. I got to get a space for this because it's so cool when the wind comes whipping in, they retract on their own. There are smart shades. They're electric, and you can get all sorts of outdoor space that becomes kind of indoor space with this. It blows your mind once you get this together. So check it all [e-mail] and get it together. They are busy as busy can be right now. So get on there early if you're thinking about doing this before summer weeks. Well, he told Me? I was talking to the guy in email the other day. Said we're hiring extra so we can speed it up so people get in before summer starts. So, yeah, if you get a. If you get a plan together, man. Pretty cool. So hop on that allprochet.com. this guy says, how do I get into this contest? Racing Corky? No, it's Corey, jerk. I'm a BMX DUI guy, and I can still beat this tard. All right, Patrick.

[Brady]

That's a race we need to have.

[John Holmberg]

All right, Drake. DUI BMX guy versus Corey in a car. I got my money on Drake. All right? And don't call him a tard. He's not. That's mean. He's a cripple.

[Brett]

And Corky. Come on, Corky.

[John Holmberg]

K and the E aren't even close on a keyboard. You did that on purpose. Brady, please, for God's sakes, report it.

[Brady]

Good Tuesday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello, world. Happy April Fools. Couple of basis fun facts. There have been times when real news that breaks on April 1st gets dismissed as April Fool's Day prank. 1984. The murder of Marvin Gaye.

[Brett]

Oh, wow.

[John Holmberg]

That was April 1st, huh?

[Brady]

The murder of Selena in 95.

[John Holmberg]

So today's the day to kill someone. They won't take it seriously.

[Brady]

The death of Mitch Hedberg in 2005.

[John Holmberg]

Knew that one.

[Brett]

OJ should have waited.

[John Holmberg]

That bitch was just fooling around. No, I didn't realize. Hello, Twitter world. The whole thing happened. Ha ha. April Fool. Gotcha. And I was such a good joke. I did it in June.

[Rockefeller]

Three months earlier, you'd have been fine.

[John Holmberg]

No, I was fine. I planned it on April 1, so it all ties back. What do they call it? Retroactive. Brady was there. It's like when you go to Discount Tire and they measure your tire down. That's what I did. Anyway, I'm just saying.

[Brady]

The last one's the cancellation of guiding light in 2009.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. Who was upset about that?

[Brady]

The cats thought it was an April Fool's Day prank.

[John Holmberg]

You can't fire people on April 1st. Maybe Corey, for that whole I'm driving around on company time thing.

[Brady]

But the highest point in Connecticut is on a mountain called Mount Frazelle. But it's not even the peak of the mountain. That's across the border in Massachusetts.

[John Holmberg]

Cool.

[Brady]

One pound.

[John Holmberg]

Is it like. They also called it Canada cake?

[Brady]

That's.

[Rockefeller]

I heard that, too.

[Brady]

One pound of dimes and one pound of quarters are worth the same amount.

[John Holmberg]

That's neat.

[Brady]

200 dimes weigh one pound worth 20 bucks. 80 quarters weigh one pound. Worth 20 bucks.

[John Holmberg]

Interesting. Can we. Trent has a good one. He said, can we do races in the parking lot? Corey versus a corgi. The corgi would kill him. You haven't seen him. Maybe Corey in a car. I'll say this. Corey versus Milt's corgi. Probably a pretty fair. Sorry, Milt. I'm taking swings. You got to listen to the show early. Go tap the app, I think they call that. Or listen to the podcast. Listen to this Milt story this morning.

[Brady]

According to a new survey, the average American spends 138 minutes worrying every day. That's two hours and 18 minutes. Almost the exact length of the Force Awakens.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, wow.

[Brett]

I'd rather worry.

[John Holmberg]

Me too.

[Brady]

There are a lot of motivational quotes about how worrying is a waste of time and energy. But that doesn't stop people from obsessing over stuff. 10% of young adults schedule dedicated worry time in their daily routines. Only about 3% of those 45 and older intentionally make time for it.

[John Holmberg]

I was worried for an hour this morning about Corky. So I mean, bunch of textures are.

[Rockefeller]

Wondering, does Carville sell the kinetic cake?

[John Holmberg]

The connect. The kinetic cake is pretty good. It's delicious.

[Brady]

A new study found that men can't hear as well as women.

[John Holmberg]

What now? Okay. Yep, that's true.

[Rockefeller]

Yeah, keep going.

[John Holmberg]

Sorry, ladies. You just keep talking. We'll try to catch us. We'll catch as much as we can.

[Brady]

Scientists tested people's hearing in different countries around the world and found it's true everywhere. The average woman has a 2 decibel advantage and up to 6 decibels with some frequencies.

[John Holmberg]

Sorry, ladies. We try to hear you, but sometimes we can't. So you can't blame us anymore. It's our. It's genetic.

[Brady]

They think it might just come.

[John Holmberg]

Just quiet down, make it easier on both of us. I'm not listening and you're not being heard. So now you know it's science.

[Brady]

I think it might just come down to hormones or how our ears develop in the womb. They think it's possible for women's brains are a little bit better processing sound too. But they found that's not true. No.

[John Holmberg]

Can we do the homework's morning sickness crippled Olympics and get Rockefeller and Corey and Milt in like a. I don't know, like scavenger hunts and races and stuff. Like, let's just put these people to the test. Let's take them out to a track and then like we'll do a Mile and no guidance for Rockefeller who's completely blind. Milt's got one leg. Cory drag ass on that and just let him try. Finish a mile and bring the corgi out and then. Yeah, and have a corgi do it. Corgi can wander all over and we'll just put a little tracker on him. When he hits a mile it'll. A beeper will go on.

[Brady]

We've got a Florida woman do it.

[John Holmberg]

And just have to wonder if the corgi will ever get up. Like sometimes he'll probably just lay down, take his time. Meanwhile, Rockefeller's over at the Walmart. He has no idea. So is Corey because why would you miles near me?

[Rockefeller]

Sarcadia High School, the closest track.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we'd have to do that. Rockefeller. I think he's in Ohio now.

[Brett]

Oh, he'd come back for it.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, we'd fly him back.

[Brady]

Oh yeah, we got a Florida als.

[John Holmberg]

Matt in on that thing. Ooh, have his bed rolling around.

[Rockefeller]

He's mobile still.

[John Holmberg]

Not for long.

[Rockefeller]

We haven't gotten an update. Yeah, from his friend who's, you know, he's got als.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I know. We know. We get it. He emails me every once in a while. Matt does still. So I think he's. He said I'll see fest.

[Rockefeller]

Oh nice.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Rockefeller]

It'll be the anniversary of finding out.

[John Holmberg]

Pretty close.

[Brett]

You know, nowadays it's tougher and tougher to get the news between social media and news outlets leaning one way or another. And look, this isn't about taking sides. This is about getting the information for yourself. And there's one source to get all the news that's not one sided. And as a matter of fact, this source gives you all sides in one place and that's Ground News. Ground News is your one stop shop to get all the news from all the sides, yours, theirs and everything in between. Ground News takes all sides and lets you form your own opinion by posting all the news from all the different leaning services so you can make the comparisons and form your own opinion. And you get to read what the Guardian, Fox News and even what the social media sites are posting. And the best part is you can get it [e-mail] and right now you can get 40% off their unlimited access Vantage subscription by going to ground news.comberg. that's ground news.com homeberg why be persuaded by social media, big business and news outlets with their own agenda? Check out groundnews.com today and form your own opinion. And don't forget to save yourself that 40% right now by going to ground. News.com Holmberg.

[John Holmberg]

Holmberg's morning sickness got a 40 year.

[Brady]

Old Florida woman who's been charged with felony battery for attacking her male acquaintance friend with a deadly weapon. A conch shell with barnacles on it.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, conch shell.

[Brady]

Conch shell. Yeah, and it was filled with barnacles. She punched the dude.

[John Holmberg]

Her name's Nikki Quarterbane, Alan Quartermaine's granddaughter.

[Brady]

Is she white or black?

[John Holmberg]

Quartermaine has a. Has a conch shell, brass knuckle. Basically. She stuffed her hand in there like, and punched a guy full of barnacles. Black.

[Rockefeller]

Cuban.

[John Holmberg]

Black. Yeah. I was thinking maybe sort of along the lines of Latina, some sort of Spanish.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

All right. You're gonna go white. All right. You'll take Spanish, I'll take black. Survey says black. Oh, nice. Got a big forehead too.

[Rockefeller]

That's not Cuban. Yeah, maybe.

[John Holmberg]

Let me see that quarter, man.

[Rockefeller]

Let me look again now. Now she ain't Cuban.

[John Holmberg]

She's not Dominican. Cuban.

[Rockefeller]

I get it. I get it.

[John Holmberg]

Championship.

[Rockefeller]

Damn it. Lost that one.

[John Holmberg]

Ms. Quarterman with a shell. It did sound like a white trash name.

[Brady]

We had two dudes in Nashville. They got arrested on Friday after they stopped to put some air in their tires during a high speed chase. Cop noticed their license plate was obscured and tried to pull them over, but the guy didn't stop. Sped off, apparently thought he outran the police. Didn't realize a police helicopter was following them. They saw him putting air in the tires. They pulled over in a gas station to do it. Cop showed up, arrested both. They didn't share info on the passenger, but the driver's name was Jonathan Choppa. And he is not just in trouble for running. Officers smelled weed. They found a large bag of pot in the center. Center. Council. Council. And then they also found a backpack, more of pot and plastic baggies and two digital scales.

[John Holmberg]

Distribution.

[Brady]

Driver admitted the weed was his, but he was also driving on a suspended license.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he's bad. Op Live. This happens every week? Every week. Always a scale, always a big plastic bag, vacuum sealed pot. And they get pulled over for window 10. They never get put. You know, they always get pulled over for something stupid and then run from it and just pull over. You're done.

[Brady]

And police in New Delhi have finally been able to capture the elusive thief who would always poop his pants when he was in danger of getting caught. And it was his way to his escape, huh? When they would go to try to arrest him if he Was caught by or by someone.

[John Holmberg]

So he was caught. So it take him getting caught to poop his pants?

[Brady]

Yeah. Or someone's on to him. Not necessarily police, they're like, they're catching this guy.

[John Holmberg]

But, like, if you grabbed this guy and said, you stay right here, he'd poop his pants and then you'd let him.

[Brady]

And the smell was horrendous, according to.

[John Holmberg]

Witnesses, not to people in New Delhi. It's just even in New Delhi.

[Brady]

That's how bad.

[John Holmberg]

That's pretty bad. Yeah. If you. If poop smell in New Delhi outweighs all the poop smell of New Delhi, you're doing something special.

[Brady]

I said it was impressive how, you know, he's able to control his bowel movements.

[John Holmberg]

He kept one on deck.

[Brady]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Of course, that. That food over there. I think the second you unclench your kegel, it tumbles out.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. They have to come here and wonder. I wonder if they make fun of our food on morning shows in New Delhi. Have to.

[Brett]

Binder.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Have you ever seen the poops?

[Byron]

American boobs are so solid.

[John Holmberg]

Not liquidy and fresh like ours.

[Brady]

I got a couple of.

[John Holmberg]

It's 818, 000 degrees here today. Tons of humidity. All right, go ahead.

[Brady]

First one is from a. A new one I'm going to start to follow that I found on Instagram. Women on Instagram.

[John Holmberg]

That's just what it's called.

[Brady]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

You know, they've been there the whole time, Brady.

[Brady]

Well, this one is a special. Specially designed, basically.

[John Holmberg]

Huh.

[Brady]

Especially in order to make this. Women on Instagram, they got to be doing something that women are known for doing periods. Yeah, No, I scrolled for a couple other things. This example is a woman that's driving on the freeway.

[Rockefeller]

Flesh this out. I want to say.

[Brady]

Yeah, what are you talking, flush or flesh?

[John Holmberg]

Flesh.

[Brady]

You said that this is a. A lady driving on the freeway, and the tire has been flat for a while. She's just on the rim.

[John Holmberg]

So it's just stereotypical dumb women things. Okay. All right. So she. The tailgate's up, the car's been wrecked, and she's still driving down the freeway at top speed. The back tire is also. Is completely locked. The whole right side of this car is inop.

[Brady]

Dude.

[John Holmberg]

That thing has got. It's going to burst into flames. It's. There is no wheel. Is that real? Oh, my God. All right, so this is just.

[Brett]

She's some tweaker.

[John Holmberg]

It's women. Wtf.

[Brett]

Yeah, she's. She's messed up. On something.

[Brady]

Yeah. Women on Instagram. Wtf.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

With no tire. You're constantly fighting the car to keep it straight. So she's on.

[John Holmberg]

This might be something phony or she.

[Brett]

Or it's a setup.

[Rockefeller]

Yeah, phony, man. That's a.

[John Holmberg]

Well, because she's just driving steady. No, I think, like, that's. Because even that looks a little fake to me.

[Brady]

Well, the cars are definitely going by. Are a lot faster there. She's wearing them. But you can do that in three wheels. You got one.

[Brett]

You can, but you're constantly fighting.

[John Holmberg]

She would not be just normal that way.

[Brett]

Just like, being casual.

[John Holmberg]

I think that might be a little AI help. And stick her hand off the wheel the way.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Something ain't right there.

[Brady]

Next one's a truck that cabled up to the other one and they're battling.

[Corey]

Yeah.

[Brady]

A little tug of war.

[John Holmberg]

The chains can snap and kill an Indian. Well, there's people in the back of it.

[Brady]

The Raptor has no Billy Olympics. It is. Oh, you can see all four tires.

[John Holmberg]

They're just. They're all just music.

[Brady]

It is.

[Corey]

So.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that music's you, but one's a diesel.

[Rockefeller]

It's the video.

[Brady]

It's the video.

[John Holmberg]

It's the same one as before. Oh, and then they just ram into each other.

[Rockefeller]

It's the video.

[John Holmberg]

Is. It's the same as the last video. I think it was playing in the last video, too. You're listening to some 90s love girl.

[Brett]

It's not me. Mine's still on Ramstein.

[John Holmberg]

See, the video's been over for a minute. Toledo, that's you. What are you listening to in your spare time there? I didn't know you were a lesbian.

[Brady]

Little fair.

[John Holmberg]

Are you making Lilith Fair commercials in the other room? Oh, look, the New Braves video. He's about to play. Same song, and it's on a loop. What song is this that you won't stop listening to?

[Brady]

Yeah. Not the lady.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I said. It's the same one. He goes, no, it's the video. I'm like, it ran on both or there he found it. Who was that?

[Rockefeller]

I don't know. I gotta find it.

[John Holmberg]

You know?

[Rockefeller]

No, I don't. I gotta check my.

[John Holmberg]

Do you cry and masturbate to that type? I didn't.

[Rockefeller]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Had his word Radio on Spotify.

[John Holmberg]

It's Juul.com on a loop in Toledo's head. All right, next one.

[Brady]

Last one's a little baseball play. Keep your eye on the ball.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he missed the throw to second and pulled his Glove down too fast and got the ball thrown right into his head. Is that canoe? See what the Twins Marlins.

[Brett]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my. Yeah, I took it right in the face, center field to. That's why the Marlins are always bad. Hit the ball, catch the ball. That's the basics. I'm glad we turned off Jewel. It was ruining all those videos. I had a feeling they weren't playing that Star Six Nine song from 1998 with a truck tug of war. That seemed a little weird. Oops. I don't know why that's going on.

[Brady]

But still, those kids were having fun.

[John Holmberg]

Having a good time. You know what? You know what's missing from our truck tug of war video? A sad Jewel tune. Toledo. What are you doing in there? Let us know, because you had to be listening to that.

[Rockefeller]

No, it's. It's a video. Something else that was playing from yesterday, so I'm trying to find out which tab is playing it.

[John Holmberg]

All right, what do you got, Brett? All right. Any 90s women in this?

[Brett]

No. Got some fast and furious type action here.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you're doing the same thing. What's wrong with you guys? Yeah, well, sort of. All right, we got.

[Brett]

All right, let's do this.

[John Holmberg]

Just hit stop. All right. This guy's drift racing in a parking lot. Oh. And it threw a cone into the crowd.

[Brett]

Cone motion.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man.

[Brett]

It's like, gotta be a broken neck or something.

[John Holmberg]

Flies into the crowd and hits a dude dead center in the head, ends him. It's not the heavy end. It's the.

[Brett]

No, I think it is the heavy end.

[John Holmberg]

Well, the heavy end definitely takes him, but I think the orange part.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

If gives him a nice smack. He's not taking a. None of that feels good.

[Brady]

He's lucky. That end. It's inches.

[John Holmberg]

I've never seen a traffic cone get thrown in the air like that. All right. Yikes.

[Brett]

Here's some more dash cam video.

[John Holmberg]

Driving along. We're on the left side of the road. We're in a bad country. We're driving on the wrong side of the road. Not America. Not a good place. So off we go. I don't see anything quite yet. Oh, he's drifting. Truck bounces over the center line and kills that guy. We didn't see any of the aftermath. I'm making an assumption.

[Brett]

And now we'll get to the other stuff.

[John Holmberg]

And that's. You know what the last words of that truck driver was? I wish I was American. So he tried to drive on the right side of the road. It drifted right over in Oncoming traffic. Next one. We're looking over a very pointy fence. I don't like the look of this. Oh, it's the top of this fence is very pointed.

[Brady]

Photos went through his medical scrubs.

[Rockefeller]

He's not alive.

[John Holmberg]

It's a dude sitting on top of this very point defense.

[Brett]

Oh, wait, there's more.

[John Holmberg]

He's alive. He's got three points. They cut the fence off. They took him down to the hospital. You got the three fence posts on there.

[Brady]

It looks like it's skewered through the.

[John Holmberg]

Right through the sack. Right through the scrotum. Oh, my God. Caught his ball sack right through the center of it.

[Brady]

AI.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. I hope so. Oh, my goodness.

[Brett]

I think we've seen this one before.

[John Holmberg]

Standing on a train, tracking along. Oh, the train clips him and ends it. The guy filmed it. Ah. And let's watch it in slow motion. He was just watching. He was just being melancholy next to a train. And the train goes by. He's a little too close.

[Brady]

Doing his music video.

[John Holmberg]

And that's what it looks like. He's doing a Creed video in India. And the train turns his lights up. Got to account for that extra two feet that lobs over the track if you're gonna do your kick ass rock video in Bhopal. All right, well, there's a hot girl.

[Brett]

Yeah. Here you go, boys.

[John Holmberg]

And it's gonna have a wiener or something. The girl's incredibly nice butt and a song. She looks like she's. Oh, no, you bastard. Switch to a guy pooping out spaghetti. Got an amate and a meatball camera. Oh, Lord. Looks like the lead singer of the Black Crows. Is that Chris Robinson pooping out spaghetti?

[Brady]

Wow, the meatball things they do for Coachella tickets.

[John Holmberg]

Man. Oh, man.

[Brett]

That's it.

[Brady]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

That is it.

[Brett]

The other humanity.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man. I never dreamt I would see Chris Robinson poop an Italian meal onto a plate.

[Brady]

I had spaghetti last night.

[John Holmberg]

Did you?

[Brady]

Yes.

[Rockefeller]

Well, it didn't ruin last night's meal.

[John Holmberg]

You passed that spaghetti by now you're. Yeah, that's not still in you. Yeah, you went to bed with rust butt last night. I guarantee it. Guaranteed. It's eight. 27 noodles ain't staying in you that long. Brady thinks he gets tapeworm every time he has spaghetti. It comes out so clean, there's leftovers.

[Rockefeller]

Texters are saying the lady in that video that was driving was on painkiller. She was whacked out of her.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, well, so was her car. Yeah, still faster than Corey. He's got no wheels at all. And a freeway going 25 miles an hour. I don't know how she did it. And that's it. There goes your Brady Report. It's 98K Upd, Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.