04-03-25 - BR - THU - We Found An Online Ad For Botoxing Your Butthole Called Holetox - Fewer Kids Swallowing Coins Due To Cashless Society - Reeses Making PBnJ Cups And KFC Toothpaste Is Happening

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode Release Date: April 3, 2025
Host/Authors: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo
Podcast Platform: 98KUPD (97.9 FM, 98KUPD app, www.98kupd.com)

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1. Introduction to "Holetox" – Botox for the Butthole

Timestamp: [05:14]

The episode kicks off with a humorous and somewhat controversial discussion about a new aesthetic procedure dubbed "Holetox," a play on Botox specifically designed for the anal area. Injector Chris introduces "Holetox" as a way to relax sphincter muscles, making "bottoming" easier and allowing individuals to "bottom with confidence."

Notable Quote:

• Injector Chris: "It's Holetox—exactly what it implies. It's Botox for your hole. It relaxes sphincter muscles to make bottoming easier. Patients love this procedure because it's safe, effective, and allows them to bottom with confidence." ([05:14])

Discussion Highlights:

• The hosts, particularly Luis Roberts, humorously critique the concept, questioning its necessity and practicality.
• Luis elaborates on the potential implications within the gay community, speculating on how such a procedure might influence social dynamics and self-confidence.
• Brady Bogen engages by questioning the aesthetics and functional aspects of the procedure, leading to a back-and-forth banter that intertwines humor with mock-serious critique.

Key Insights:

• The segment highlights the intersection of modern aesthetic trends with unconventional and humorous takes on personal enhancement.
• Reflects the show's approach to blending current trends with comedic critique.

2. Decline in Children Swallowing Coins Amidst a Cashless Society

Timestamp: [23:52]

The hosts delve into a study revealing a significant decline in the number of children swallowing coins, attributing this trend to the shift towards a cashless society.

Notable Quote:

• Brady Bogen: "Here's one of the positives of the cashless society that we're going through. There are fewer children swallowing and choking on coins." ([23:52])

Discussion Highlights:

• Analysis of hospital data from 2000 to 2022 showing a decline in coin-related choking incidents among children since 2012.
• Luis humorously debates the merits of a cashless society, suggesting that reducing such accidents might lead to a less "natural" progression, poking fun at societal advancements.
• The conversation touches on how cashless trends inadvertently contribute to child safety, albeit presented in a light-hearted manner.

Key Insights:

• The segment underscores unintended benefits of technological and societal shifts.
• Combines statistical data with comedic perspectives to engage listeners on public health topics.

3. Reese's Launches PBnJ Cups

Timestamp: [30:00]

Reese's announces the introduction of Peanut Butter and Jelly (PBnJ) cups, expanding their iconic product line.

Notable Quote:

• Brady Bogen: "Remember one of the April Fool's day pranks that Reese's put out with chocolate bread? Yeah, and that was a prank. Well, this is not a prank. They're rolling out peanut butter and jelly Reese's cups." ([30:00])

Discussion Highlights:

• The hosts speculate on the market reception of the new PBnJ cups, debating whether they will be a hit or flop.
• Luis humorously contemplates the shelf storage and consumer acceptance of combining classic flavors in a convenient cup form.
• The conversation reflects on Reese's history of playful product innovations, contrasting past pranks with the credibility of a genuine product launch.

Key Insights:

• Highlights trends in the confectionery industry towards nostalgic and comfort flavors.
• Showcases the hosts' ability to blend product news with humor and consumer perspective.

4. KFC Toothpaste – A Novel Flavor Innovation

Timestamp: [30:47]

In a surprising twist, the hosts discuss KFC's latest innovative product: fried chicken-flavored toothpaste.

Notable Quote:

• Brady Bogen: "If you're looking for a change up of your toothpaste flavor, KFC's fried chicken toothpaste is available now." ([30:47])

Discussion Highlights:

• The hosts express disbelief and amusement over the unconventional toothpaste flavor, pondering its practicality and appeal.
• Luis sarcastically critiques the idea, questioning the hygiene and taste aspects of combining fried chicken with dental care.
• The segment juxtaposes fast-food branding with personal hygiene products, exploring the absurdity and potential consumer reactions.

Key Insights:

• Illustrates the trend of bold and unexpected product pairings in marketing.
• Uses humor to critique and analyze the viability of such innovative yet unconventional products.

5. Listener Engagement and Community Interaction

Throughout the episode, listeners contribute to the conversation through humorous comments and interactions, adding layers of engagement and relatability.

Notable Quotes:

• Listener (Jim): "You thought that was funny? You were laughing like a hyena when he said it." ([01:11])
• Listener (Ralphie May): "If your butthole smells like fried chicken, I'm going in." ([31:02])

Discussion Highlights:

• The hosts respond to listener comments with wit and humor, maintaining an interactive and lively atmosphere.
• Listener inputs often serve as catalysts for the hosts to delve deeper into humorous debates and satirical discussions.

Key Insights:

• The inclusion of listener interactions fosters a sense of community and active participation.
• Enhances the dynamic and entertaining nature of the podcast through real-time audience engagement.

6. Concluding Remarks and Final Thoughts

The episode wraps up with the hosts reflecting on the various topics discussed, maintaining their signature blend of humor, satire, and critical commentary.

Notable Quote:

• John Holmberg: "Well, there you go. I've got to reset my whole brain. There you go, everybody. That is your Brady Report." ([42:00])

Closing Highlights:

• Recap of the main topics with a humorous twist, ensuring listeners leave with memorable takeaways.
• Promotion of upcoming segments and teasers for future episodes, keeping the audience intrigued.

Key Insights:

• The hosts effectively summarize and conclude discussions, reinforcing the show's entertaining and informative format.
• Maintains continuity and anticipation for future content, encouraging listener retention.

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Overall Summary

In this April 3, 2025 episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness, the hosts tackle a blend of unconventional topics with their trademark humor and critical flair. From the introduction of "Holetox," a satirical take on unconventional Botox applications, to the genuine discussion on public health trends like reduced child coin swallowing due to a cashless society, the episode balances satire with informative discourse. Product innovations such as Reese's PBnJ cups and KFC's fried chicken toothpaste are dissected with both amusement and skepticism, reflecting the hosts' ability to engage with current market trends through a humorous lens. Listener interactions add depth and relatability, fostering a vibrant community feel. Overall, the episode exemplifies Holmberg's Morning Sickness' commitment to entertaining and thought-provoking content that resonates with a diverse Arizona audience.

Transcript

[Holmberg]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[Dick Toledo]

It's Dick Toledo from Holberg's Morning Sickness for Game Day Men's Health. I did my free consultation with Game Day back in November because I was experiencing a lack of energy and focus. Now, nearly six months later, I'm feeling like my old old self again. Go to gameday phoenix.com today and book a free consultation in a matter of minutes at Game Day's In House lab. A licensed Game Day clinician will draw your blood, run some tests and formulate a plan to incorporate any number of these therap to help you get back in the game. You can battle the clock of aging and it starts today at one of the 11 game day men's Health locations in the valley@gameday phoenix.com Come on down.

[Luis]

To the Ranch House Grill. Comfort food is your next meal. Pork chili verde, chicken fried steak. Ranch House knows you'll think it's great.

[Ranch House Grill Announcer]

Are you ready for the best breakfast in Phoenix? Ranch House Grill has been voted best breakfast four years in a row. We're famous for our chicken fried steak, pork chili verde and large portions. Located in the heart of Arcadia. Join us for breakfast or lunch seven days a week, 6am to 2pm We're a family restaurant with a small town atmosphere serving Southwestern comfort food for 18 years. Come on down to the Ranch House Grill for the best breakfast in Phoenix at 56th street and Thomas Road.

[Listener]

You thought that was funny? You were laughing like a hyena when he said it.

[Luis]

What the hell is wrong with you? La Pantera. Oh, I'm about to give it away there. It's Luis Roberts nickname for the White Sox. And I know Brady's gonna love hearing that. I'm never gonna call him Luis Roberts again. Luis Robert La Pantera. I like when the white guys say it. He hits a home run. La Pantera. You know what they don't have the courage to do, though? La Pantera Negro. Because that's what he should be called. That's a better nickname.

[Holmberg]

But they know I'm watching.

[Luis]

Well, also, they can't breathe. A White Sox fan. And so South Chicago can't hear La Pantera Negro. But that's what he would be. The Black Panther. That's a great nickname, but they can't say you have. White broadcasters are way too afraid to do that, and rightfully so. Before we move on, a guy said, talk about tossing the cell. It's good. Good Advice as a father with a daughter. The last boy that tried to date my daughter, when he got to the house, I said, hey, I need to see your phone. And he refused to let me go through it. I said, then you can't date my daughter. So maybe it's a little protective, but I didn't trust the kid. Is it too much to ask? That's a little pushy. But if you didn't like him, it's a good way to get rid of him. It's also a good way to get your daughter pregnant because now you just made him, you know, the gum you can't chew in class. Like, now she wants him more. Go through her phone and see what they're talking about. That's what you need to do. Go through your daughter's phone. Knock that out. Not some strange kid if I don't know if I had a son. And he's like, hey, this guy, I'm trying to date his daughter, he makes me go through, yeah, don't go over there. That guy doesn't like you, but count on getting pregnant there. And by the way, I've been told, I totally forgot, but Adan and Danny are the ones dating on love, on the spectrum, and it is catastrophic. The kissing is so hard to watch. And the mom started to cry when the one guy couldn't get a date. He goes to these speed dating things for specials and I would like to. It was very hard to deal with him because he's. Yes, as it were. He doesn't say anything, but he just goes 100 miles an hour. And even other special people are kind of like, whoa, this dude's a lot. And he can't match with anybody. He goes home with his mom. I did not match with anyone this time. I've tried very hard, but I did not, as it were. And then, so she just starts. Mom takes her glasses off and. And you know, you watch and you think, oh, the mom's sad for him. What the mom is sad for is that that kid is going to be in the house longer. I understand that she didn't like seeing things I enjoyed very hard, you see? Yes. And the mom starts crying and the producer's like, does that make you sad? She goes, very sad. I want him to find someone. And then you read between the lines. It's like, we got to get this mother out of the house. This kind of energy. He's driving us crazy that it's the best show on tv. And especially now, if they're going to have Adan and Danny, do it. So I believe I would just have to slip. My disc goes in dead A to B. Just throw it in there. Knucklehead gizmo. All right, I'll try. It's. It's pretty great. And he'll just go. All of them seem to have, like, a quirk where they'll start quoting Game of Thrones or something out of nowhere. And it's not Tourette's. It's like, mid conversation on the heels of Argon, I'm like, what is going on? Why is he doing that? And the other ones seem to enjoy it. So I guess if you like Lord of the Rings, you're autistic. I think that's just what I've learned from watching the show. Brad, I need you to play something before we get to the Brady Report. Brady, you're going to enjoy this. A member of our. Our Boys in Blue, one of the local law enforcement people I will not mention, sent this over. This is a real thing. This is 2025, everybody. It's a real thing. Brady, watch this video. Go ahead.

[Injector Chris]

It's Injector Chris here at Lushful Aesthetics. I'm here with my lovely patient, and today we're going to be doing whole tox Holtox. Brady Boltox is exactly what it implies. It's Botox for your hole. It relaxes sphincter muscles to make bottoming easier. Patients love this procedure because it's safe, effective, and allows them to bottom with confidence.

[Holmberg]

Oh, bottom.

[Luis]

That's right. They Botox your butthole so you can bottom with confidence.

[Holmberg]

What the hell is this world coming.

[Luis]

You know what? You know who I feel sorry for in this regard? Old gays. Because they could. They had to. No, because they had to bottom with confidence. Just by using clocks and time, like, eventually this will get easier was their method. Now they're shooting Botox in your butthole so you can bottom with confidence. Because before, it wasn't bottoming with confidence, it was botting. I had no confidence.

[Brady]

Does it look more angry, you know, when you're looking at it? The Botox being treated, you know.

[Luis]

Well, it can. Depends on where you shoot it. Is it under the eyelids? Is it above? I enjoy the Botox. Not on my butthole. I think that's a little stretch, so to speak. Old gays are going. Back in our day, we just had to bottom without confidence until it felt better. Starting to sound like that Stifler's mom. Yeah, Bottoming with confidence. Like, you know what we need to do?

[Brady]

That's a T shirt.

[Luis]

Fire some numbing solution into this thing so this guy can take it a little easier. Now it doesn't even matter how big my boyfriend is. I bottom with confidence. Maybe if you're not confident about bottoming, you're a top. I have no confidence bottoming. I know. If I was gay, I'd be a top.

[Holmberg]

Did we cover this with the teacher thing? Oh, I didn't.

[Luis]

Well, she was a special ed teacher. Yes.

[Holmberg]

I didn't know that.

[Luis]

Okay. But that wasn't a special ed student. He just had a broken collarbone. She was just tutoring on the side. She didn't dabble in the special ed. Okay.

[Holmberg]

I was just. I was just curious.

[Brady]

Yeah, it's kind of misleading.

[Luis]

Okay, she was a special ed teacher, but the kid that she was doing it with, not special.

[Holmberg]

Just wanted to make sure he was.

[Luis]

Special in the ways that he had a broken collarbone and he couldn't do soccer.

[Holmberg]

Because there's a bunch of people actually emailing about that now.

[Luis]

Yeah. No. Yeah. The story's got some tentacles. Okay. They weren't. It's not special.

[Holmberg]

Apparently, that's a new HMS slogan. Bottom with Confidence.

[Luis]

Yeah, we can throw those shirts out there. In fact, if we ever start a podcast and leave this crap hole, we'll call it Bottoming With Confidence. And we'll get all these gay people listening, like, Jesus. It's nothing what they think. I'll tell you this right now. I'll add to my tattoo bet. If the Diamondbacks, who are playing great baseball, finish ahead of the Dodgers in the standings, I will get whole talks right here live on the air.

[Holmberg]

Mark it down. Toledo.

[Luis]

432-57-48Am Stamp that time. And if the Dodgers, in fact, do better than the Diamondbacks, Brady will get whole talks.

[Brady]

Wait a minute.

[Luis]

4, 3, 2, 5, 7, 4, 9. Mark it down. Stamp that time. Whole talks.

[Brady]

8.

[Luis]

No, hold. Did they win again yesterday? Yeah, the Diamondbacks, they were down 42 yesterday. When I turned it, I'm like, yeah, Dodgers are down. So I didn't. I didn't follow through there. Eight. No. I could see them going undefeated. That roster is insane. Insane. It's time now for the Brady Report. No whole talks yet, so give him a second.

[Holmberg]

Working on it.

[Luis]

And plus, I think he's a little dizzy. Last night, he was getting busy between the blankets, which were at first, blankets made of plankton. As you and I tried to follow along, Brad, I'm with the rest of the city. That was a tough one. That was a tough. He needs Botox for his tongue. Relax. Speak with confidence. I didn't think that bottoms, once you offer it, like, you just kind of brace yourself, Right? That's what we tell ladies to.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Luis]

I mean, yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

I question bottoming out when we've seen the entire arm go in.

[Luis]

Yeah. Oh, no, I'm not talking about bottoming out. That's. I don't think that's possible in there. I don't think so either, but I don't think that's what they mean.

[Dick Toledo]

Isn't that what you just said? Whole toxins.

[Luis]

No, no.

[Dick Toledo]

Bottom out.

[Luis]

Yeah.

[Brady]

It's like, to the base.

[Luis]

Hold on. No. Both of you need to understand, in the gay community, there's a top and a bottom. You're a bottom or you're top most of the time. So when you're a bottom with no confidence and you feel like you've got a little bit of a Shar Pei butthole, you can straighten that out with some hole tox. It gets rid of the wrinkles. You can't lift your eyebrows. I know that. So it's like you have the wagon wheel now. It's a nice, smooth, egg like, look.

[Dick Toledo]

And that is important because confidence.

[Luis]

You have to have confidence that your bottom is not only able to take the blow, but looks good doing it.

[Dick Toledo]

So putting on a good display, like.

[Luis]

You just lifted your eyebrows. Your whole forehead just shrunk up into this big wrinkly mess. You don't want your butthole looking like that. When you're a bottom, you want your butthole to shine. Look like a young butthole, a barely used one. And I think that's what we're looking at here. I think that's what hold tox is. I need some gays to text. I think whole tox is like this thing's. Pardon the pun, gotten the crap knocked out of it, and it needs to be smoothed out. And then you have butthole toxins.

[Brady]

Does it prevent a rosebud?

[Luis]

Brady? I don't know. I don't know. I don't think that's some deep whole talks. I think this is just an aesthetic for the outside. It makes your B hole prettier after years of abuse, much like a woman's face with Botox. It takes out a lot of the frown lines and sadness and wrinkles, crow's feet and stuff, and it makes them look smoother and younger.

[Brady]

Pretty soon they're going to be going for, like, the full baboon look to display full.

[Luis]

Well, I don't know if that's true or not, and I don't know why.

[Brady]

Mandrel put some color in there.

[Dick Toledo]

Your gay wishes are out there, man.

[Luis]

You really think these people are crazier than they are? Although whole talks lead me to believe Brady might be honest.

[Brady]

It's a step closer.

[Luis]

It isn't a step closer to baboonery. We are not closer. We are. We.

[Listener]

Ask me, we're halfway there, buddy.

[Luis]

No, no, no, no. Don't defend this position of.

[Listener]

Well, I'm eventually just going to want to present baboon butt.

[Holmberg]

Science news started early today.

[Luis]

Look at that. They're still only capable of human function now, five years from now. Color me wrong, Brady. If I see a gay guy blow out a rainbow balloon from his ass, I'm presenting you people. I'll be right there with you.

[Dick Toledo]

This audio will be marked for a.

[Luis]

Couple of reasons for Brady's funeral. Remember when he thought gays were gonna have baboon ass?

[Listener]

Well, they were whole toxing.

[Luis]

This is just. And it is. What he's saying is got merit. It's to make your hole a little bit more presentable.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Luis]

And be confident in display. So if you are going to be confident display, why not dress it up? And if a doctor comes up with an idea to, you know, throw some quicksilver in there and have it shine in the light better. Why wouldn't you? Quick silver. But no mandrill. As shots are not available as of now. Brady, just wait.

[Listener]

I'm gonna pull that blanket right over.

[Luis]

My eyes and never come out again.

[Dick Toledo]

That's the next ad that they're gonna come out with.

[Luis]

Yeah, well, whole touch is new to me. That was everyone today. Years old when I learned that anybody would even want that.

[Dick Toledo]

Who's what? Esthetician was messing around with that and said, you know what I found?

[Luis]

It works for everything. So if you've got wrinkles somewhere.

[Dick Toledo]

But I mean, somebody had to be there. Guinea pig, so to speak.

[Luis]

A shot on your B hole lips.

[Dick Toledo]

Hey, Darrell, would you mind if I. If I just took this needle and.

[Luis]

Let me see if that'll straighten this out because you have been evidently ruined. Plastered back here. And the wrinkles. You've got crow's feet on your crow's feet on your b hole. I know. I can't even wink it anymore. Let's get that fixed.

[Dick Toledo]

Is that before the.

[Luis]

I want to get rid of my elevens between my eyes. My frown lines are bad. My crow's feet. And can you do anything about this? Oh, my God. Put a needle in it. Euthanize that thing. How are you Bottoming with confidence. Put it away. But that's a thing now. And there's a guy who did a commercial like and looked at the camera without laughing. This is normal. You get whole talks. Oh, that.

[Dick Toledo]

That guy's a good salesman.

[Luis]

And the guy laying there was dreamboat client. He was a dream. He was a dream boat. There was a. You didn't see it. Show it to him again. There's a guy laying on the table and he's. He's staring through me. This. If this guy's not bottoming with confidence, I don't know what that looks like because this dude is eyeballing me.

[Dick Toledo]

So is the patient on their back or.

[Luis]

No, he's on his side with his. He's got his side.

[Holmberg]

Hang on. It's getting ready Instagram videos.

[Brady]

He's prepping for the juice.

[Luis]

Yeah, he's elbow crooked and he's laying on his side with his A hole. Aime the doctor.

[Larry McFeely]

Spring is in full swing now, and summer is right around the corner. Hey, it's Larry McFeely. And there's no better time to hit the trails, the lakes and those wide open desert roads in a brand new Toyota. Whether you're hauling gear to Roosevelt Lake in the powerful Toyota Tundra, navigating rocky trails in the rugged Tacoma, or exploring Sedona in The all new 4Runner, Toyota's got the muscle and comfort to match your most excellent adventures. Head to your Valley Toyota dealer or Valley Toyota today and gear up for summer in a ride that's built for the heat and the adventures. Summer starts here. Toyota. Let's go places.

[Stand-Up Comedy Announcer]

All right, HMS Podcast time again. It'll let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Get up north to Desert Ridge to see comedy sets from Leo Gonzalez and Tempe at the Improv. You've got Randy Felt Face performing. Just Google it. And you're gonna have to go see for yourself on that one. And downtown at Stand Up Live, the very funny Gary Owen entertains you. All this for the complete lineups. And for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[Dick Toledo]

The doctor.

[Luis]

Come on, it's a doctor's name.

[Injector Chris]

Hey, everyone, it's Injector Chris here at Lushville Aesthetics. I'm here with my lovely patient and today we're going to be doing that.

[Luis]

Guy'S all ready for Holtox.

[Injector Chris]

Holtox is exactly what it implies. It's Botox for your Hole. It relaxes sphincter muscles to make bottoming easier. Patients love this procedure because it's safe, effective, and allows them to bottom with confidence.

[Dick Toledo]

Just make the sphincter with his hands.

[Luis]

Yeah. And doesn't it. I'm not knowledgeable in this so much, but doesn't it. Doesn't just bottoming relax your sphincter? Eventually, I would. To make it easier. Like, the more you do it.

[Dick Toledo]

I think I've seen that the more.

[Luis]

You do it, the more I don't.

[Holmberg]

Know how many sales people are gonna be on the phone with lushful aesthetics this morning.

[Luis]

I'll tell you right now, there'll be.

[Holmberg]

A lot of endorsements over down the hall.

[Brady]

La Jolla.

[Luis]

Brady endorse Whole talks.

[Dick Toledo]

Come on, Brady.

[Holmberg]

Oh, man.

[Dick Toledo]

Please do it.

[Brady]

I'll do it if you're under the.

[Luis]

Blanket, but you keep the plankton blanket. If you keep your plankton blanket over you because you don't have confidence because your hole is, you know, not confident for bottoming. Come on. Baboonery. Step two.

[Dick Toledo]

So this just migrated from Scrotox is what it says.

[Brady]

Display them.

[Luis]

It isn't, though. I just love that you went to the zoo with that.

[Listener]

These animals. These goddamn gay animals.

[Luis]

The next thing. What's next? What's next?

[Listener]

Just drive a Hyundai up a guy's ass. Jesus.

[Brady]

Fan some feathers out, please. Like a peacock.

[Listener]

Lord, it's time.

[Dick Toledo]

Please create some kind of bet with Dale Hellestray. Where he has to go to lushful aesthetics is that lushful aesthetic.

[Luis]

I will bet with Dale a whole tox. Although he did Johnny. I'm not getting my b whole toxed. I bought him with confidence now. Anyway, it's time for the bravery. Oh.

[Dick Toledo]

It started with patients that have severe constipation and became clenched up and became a way for you to bottom Relax.

[Luis]

Relax. So you can't really. You can't really squeeze it up as tight. So just tumbles out like taters out of a bag.

[Dick Toledo]

John, come on. Now. As a gay, what kind of top wants a loose hotel?

[Luis]

Well, it isn't loose. It's just. He's not as. He's enjoying it.

[Holmberg]

He's not as tense.

[Luis]

Yeah, he's not as tense. It's not all right. The nerve endings aren't in a fight. He's relaxed. He's bottoming with confidence. Every father's dream that their son says now. I bought him with confidence. Oh, good. So proud of you, Trent.

[Dick Toledo]

Guys, whole talks. Yes, it gets relaxed over time. But if your first time is with lamont this procedure would be very helpful.

[Luis]

But. So it was like butter.

[Holmberg]

Yeah, but they were advertising on Instagram, not black dot com.

[Luis]

Yeah. So that way we know what was going on there. Not yet. They have to have to ease into that. Like what Brady said.

[Listener]

These animals.

[Luis]

They'Re not human.

[Listener]

They belong in a cage with the rainbow bottoms.

[Brady]

This.

[Luis]

Presenting.

[Listener]

You got the mandrel shot, didn't you?

[Luis]

He's hot.

[Listener]

I knew it.

[Luis]

It's the Bray Report. Brought to you by our friends at all Pro Shade concepts. Gonna hit 100 degrees next week. It's freezing cold today. 3, 4 degrees. I don't know what it is, but.

[Brady]

It'S good for that too.

[Luis]

Oh yeah. Oh, it's great for shading you and keeping you out of the elements altogether. You're Gonna hit that 100 degrees next week though. And that's really what we need it for. To keep the ground cool and give you some space outside. Well, you want to spend some time outside. You get an estimate today. Get that ball rolling. Have your shade installed before summer officially hits. Commercial grade industrial strength custom fit to your home to an eighth of an inch. Exactly what you need it to be. They got it. The installation is done by an in house team. All Pro Shade Concepts. No subcontractors. They'll take care of you. Get it done. Brady got it done. Looks great at his place. Make yours the same. All Proshade.com. that's where you go. Get Shady Brady reported.

[Brady]

Good Thursday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello world.

[Luis]

Hi.

[Brady]

Happy National Burrito Day.

[Luis]

That's not so bad.

[Brady]

And national. Don't go to work unless it's fun day. Enjoy the day off.

[Dick Toledo]

Wow, that's very specific.

[Luis]

They don't call it going to fun work. Look up the word work and go to that.

[Brady]

A couple of baseless fun facts. The three biggest employers in the United.

[Luis]

States.

[Brady]

Department of Defense. 2.9 million people.

[Luis]

Geez.

[Brady]

Walmart. 2.3 million employees. Right behind them, Amazon with 1.6.

[Luis]

Amazon will pass them in five years.

[Brady]

South Africa has 12 official languages, but somehow the motto on their coat of arms isn't any one of those really.

[Luis]

Latin.

[Brady]

It's a language called Khoisan, I think. K H O I S a N.

[Luis]

K H O I S A M. I went with Kosan. Kosan.

[Brady]

Aerosmith made more money in royalties off the video game Guitar Hero Aerosmith than they did on any of their actual albums.

[Luis]

Really?

[Holmberg]

Well, they had a full Aerosmith Guitar Hero too. Right. Okay. It wasn't just a couple songs.

[Luis]

Just that.

[Dick Toledo]

Remember that ACDC made a bunch of money.

[Luis]

Two and a half years of your life that was all about Guitar Hero and Rock Band. And then it went away.

[Dick Toledo]

You remember homeless for the holidays two.

[Luis]

Years in a row. We had a giant screen just playing Guitar Hero.

[Dick Toledo]

And was it Vader or was it Snowman that was up there?

[Luis]

And he couldn't because he was an albino. He had to show up when the sun went down and he never went home. It was insane watching that albino play. If Elton John was there, they'd have written a second song. That weird, weird ass albino sure plays some nighttime guitar. Sun went down and you'd see this glowing orb walk through the parking lot and I'm like, up, Snowman's here. He'd come up and grab that little plastic guitar and for the next nine hours you had never seen anything like. And then he'd look at you at four in the morning and go, gotta go.

[Brady]

Sun's coming up with those blazing pink eyes.

[Luis]

Yeah. And all I knew is that Snowman's parents hate it. Oh, his eyes were the most albino. That's all we had the Halloween show and that Indian albino showed up. I'd never seen one of those either. Oh right, he, I just saw an albino standing there and he was a little bit tan, but you could see the eyes weren't right. And we're playing that Slayer song and he lost his mind and he goes, I'm an Indian. I'm like, hahaha, whatever. But you do like Slayer a lot. And then he came up and he goes, no, I'm an albino. An albino native. You have to have so many special powers. But yeah, Snowman's parents hated him. He was the most albino I've ever seen. Alaska was too bright for him and he'd wander through the streets of Phoenix in the summer, but only allowed out at night.

[Brady]

In a recent survey about drinking water, 87% of Americans there see that they're getting enough hydration and it's important. But 34% of the people say they typically don't drink water until around 3pm.

[Holmberg]

Just a little late coffee and energy drinks.

[Luis]

What are you gonna do?

[Brady]

Well, that's what they said. Even though there's water and coffee, saying it's not hydrating your body.

[Dick Toledo]

Well, it's diuretic when you make it coffee.

[Luis]

Just got a text from one of our competitors. John J. Says, hey, don't bash hole tox. It's helped me deal with our ratings bottoming out. One of the Side effects of hole talks. By the way, though, and this is as an animal activist, this is the thing for me. It asphyxiates your gerbil. So you gotta make sure you clear that. Clear the hole. Clear the hole. Runs out of there. Make sure he's O. And then whole talks away.

[Brady]

Here's one of the positives of the cashless society that we're going through.

[Luis]

Love it.

[Brady]

There's few fewer children are swallowing and choking on coins.

[Holmberg]

I'm glad he finished that. Yeah, I'm so glad he finished that sentence.

[Luis]

Wouldn't it be great if right there our tower broke? Fewer children are swallowing and then you just hear that noise. Sorry, technical difficulty. Did that guy just say kids don't swallow anym? I am writing a letter, Barbara. Yeah.

[Brady]

The study looked at hospital data from 2000 to 2022.

[Luis]

Yeah.

[Brady]

They found that since 2012 there's been a significant decline.

[Luis]

Kids choking on coins. What are they choking on now? Because dumb kids are going to choke on stuff they got.

[Brady]

They basically said the stat says that more than 75% of the foreign body swallowed by kids under six were coins.

[Luis]

No kidding. Your dumb dolt. Kids don't eat coins.

[Brady]

It's a thin round shape.

[Luis]

It looks like a mint. Here's the thing. I'm kind of against this. I think we should introduce coins to kids only and let Darwin do his work. Because basically what this does is save the dumb ones, which we've done way too much of. And that's why there's 8 billion people on the planet, is because we've stopped the natural progression of kids choking on quarters. We took quarters away and now they don't have anything to choke on. So they just get older and they bring their dumb to their adulthood.

[Brady]

My buddy, Dr. Gold Tooth Jay Blazik, he swallowed three coins.

[Luis]

He pauses after that every time.

[Brady]

Three coin coins. When he's in fifth grade and then brought him back in two days later for show and tell.

[Luis]

He sifted through his poop.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Luis]

And got coins back to show you.

[Brady]

The teacher then called his parents.

[Luis]

Yeah, by the way, the kid's an idiot. You might want to destroy that.

[Brady]

He can pass the coins.

[Luis]

Well, we all can. So he's. He was special. When I met him as an older gentleman, I even thought something special about this one and like maybe government care special. He's crazy, that friend of yours.

[Brady]

CNN talked to a bunch of experts who think more adults should be sleeping with stuffed animals. A teddy bear.

[Luis]

That's adorable.

[Brady]

They say grown ups can benefit from it. The reason? Hugging something soft is just comforting. It can help you the stress of sleeping.

[Luis]

Sure, why don't you just hug a pillow?

[Holmberg]

Fat broads will be happy about that.

[Luis]

By the way, I would like to thank Coleman Brown. He came up with a good idea. He said, I'd like to volunteer my wallet for some whole talks for yesterday's listener, Barb. And that way she can get that stick in her ass with more confidence. Like, oh, that's right, Coleman. That's right. Welcome to our city, Barb. Here's some free whole talks. And now you can be a raging C word with confidence.

[Brady]

Got a 33 year old man in North Carolina named Jeffrey Bradburn. He was arrested after he went into a grocery store on Monday afternoon with a machete, stole a cinnamon bun and some incense. The store called the police. They tracked him down. He was eating the cinnamon bun at the time. It's unclear if he used the machete to cut it. Jeffrey was charged with robbery. With robbery and with a dangerous weapon, shoplifting and possession of drug paraphernalia.

[Holmberg]

So it was a weedy.

[Luis]

He's a pothead.

[Holmberg]

Had the munchies.

[Luis]

The munchies. Had a machete, some incense.

[Brady]

Describe what Jeffrey Bradburn.

[Holmberg]

What's his name?

[Luis]

Jeffrey Bradburn. He is man bun. Probably a. A little weird beard. Not a real good one though. Like what if I grew a beard and then probably a hemp shirt.

[Holmberg]

Chiba Hut employee. Yeah, you can get that description.

[Luis]

Exactly. That's what I just described. Exactly. Exact. Right down to the weird little bad beard stereotypes. So true. All of them.

[Larry McFeely]

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[Dick Toledo]

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[Luis]

Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Brady]

Evidently the big 80s style shoulder pads for women are cool again. To who suits blazers and blouses and are putting the shoulder pads back in.

[Luis]

Don't do this.

[Brady]

Started running them out on the runways of fashion shows as big as American.

[Luis]

Women have gotten there with shoulder pads, they're not gonna get through doorways. You got Lizzo sized ladies who now want six more inches on their width. No, no, no. We need to shrink them up.

[Brady]

Remember one of the April Fool's day pranks that Reese's put out with chocolate bread? Yeah, and that was a prank. Well, this is not a prank. They're rolling out peanut butter and jelly Reese's cups.

[Luis]

Depends on the jelly they use.

[Brady]

Yeah, it looks like there's two different. Looks like there's a grape jelly and the other looks like strawberry.

[Holmberg]

It's gonna be amazing. Or it's gonna be terrible. There's no in between.

[Luis]

And the worst part is it's got to sit like on a shelf.

[Dick Toledo]

Shelf stable. Ooh, encapsulated though, so it's, I don't.

[Luis]

Know, warm jelly, bottom with confidence.

[Brady]

There's a new taste available, by the way.

[Luis]

Warm jelly. Great band name. Bottom with confidence. Your first album. You're welcome.

[Brady]

If you're looking for a change up of your toothpaste flavor.

[Dick Toledo]

Who isn't?

[Brady]

KFC's fried chicken toothpaste is available now.

[Luis]

Jesus.

[Brady]

13 bucks for a tube.

[Dick Toledo]

Wow, they are proud of that.

[Listener]

Brady, it's Ralphie May here again. I'll tell you right now, you put a little of that toothpaste down there, you're gonna bottom with confidence with me. I'll tell you that. If your butthole smells like fried chicken, I'm going in.

[Brady]

You can get up.

[Holmberg]

Really?

[Listener]

Oh, it's gonna be like a prison raid. Me and every brother in cell block C is gonna be eating that ass.

[Brady]

You can get the tube of toothpaste and combo it up with a matching electric toothbrush. KFC toothbrush for $59.

[Listener]

Exactly what America needs. Clean your teeth with the exact thing you're trying to Clean off your teeth.

[Dick Toledo]

Isn't that a good thing?

[Holmberg]

Where do you get that? Is that online or is that certain?

[Listener]

Test markets probably go to heaven for that, Brett. That's right. And the better part is, it's like they should make all the white prisoners brush with it. Does that scare you straight?

[Luis]

You mind if we dance with your dates?

[Listener]

You just come away. Something about this one right here.

[Brady]

You go to high smiles website. Hi. F M I L E S. We got it. Dot com.

[Holmberg]

All right.

[Dick Toledo]

Spelled that a lot slower than you should have.

[Luis]

Yep, that is true. He's struggling today.

[Holmberg]

We have a report on the Reese's cups. Vader's actually had them.

[Luis]

Oh, yeah.

[Holmberg]

Jelly they use is not that great.

[Luis]

Yeah, it's got to be perfect. Jelly has to be perfect. Sometimes I use.

[Brady]

I have a tough time with fruit and chocolate.

[Luis]

Oh, well, peanut butter and jelly is good. Yeah. But maybe the chocolate.

[Dick Toledo]

Chocolate covered cherries and all that.

[Luis]

Well, because you're right. Because you never really want to put chocolate on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Like, you never think, ooh, what this needs is chocolate. You might be right.

[Listener]

Curse that. Chocolate bread, chocolate, everything. Make it right. I'm gonna brush my teeth with some chicken. Hey, can you make the toothbrush shaped like a leg?

[Dick Toledo]

That would have been perfect.

[Listener]

That's perfect. Kentucky Fried Chicken. Just take one of the bones and put some bristles on the end of it. Start brushing like a caveman.

[Brady]

I just have one radio video.

[Luis]

This is a good one.

[Brady]

This is a couple trying to get their jumping off the platform. The perfect shot for the Just got married.

[Luis]

Oh, they're gonna jump in the air like they're floating.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Luis]

So they're jumping off of like a two foot or a foot and a half tall box. And they're in their wedding gear and they're about to jump off. And take the photo. She's leaping. He's leaping. It's in slow motion.

[Brady]

They got some good air.

[Luis]

They got great air. Take the photo. He clicks his heels. The lady stayed in her he heels and landed and her ankle broke. And then her her full the shin goes.

[Brady]

Maybe she'd rally up and carry strong.

[Luis]

She is in the earth. She will never walk again. On her special day. No first dance for you two. Let's face plant too. Or is that she's just in pain?

[Brady]

She's just in pain.

[Luis]

She slow moed down. That break is severe.

[Brady]

One comment.

[Luis]

Who said black don't crack because she's a black lady? Her leg cracked in half. I mean, she gets a good jump Too. Yeah, like, she's doing everybody proud. She married a doughy white guy. She's like Serena Williams. And she hits that thing, and then ankle rolls, shin breaks in half. Oh, my. Wow. Yikes. That's rough. That's hard to look at. All right, well, and she. You know what the sad thing is? Right before her wedding, she got some whole talks for the wedding night, and I can't even.

[Brady]

Ready to go.

[Luis]

Got a bottom with confidence, ladies. You can do that, too, I suppose. Little holtox.

[Holmberg]

Yeah. Now, Doug Imhoff didn't get to try that out.

[Luis]

Was that Kamala and Emhoff? I have a hospital opportunity. I need to go. All right, what do you got, Brett It.

[Holmberg]

All right, we'll start with a couple cars.

[Luis]

All right. Oh, where there's a dude pulling a. A hand car, like a rickshaw for stuff. He's like his own little pickup truck, and he's walking. Wow. And that guy just comes in. Face just straight in.

[Dick Toledo]

Wow.

[Luis]

His crazy Taiwanese hat flies off his cooley hat. And then the next person on a moped, of course, because that's the type of nation it is, stops and looks at the hat like. Like, he ain't gonna need this anymore. I think she's about to steal his hat. That guy got cleared out by a Toyota. All right, there's a guy doing a wheelie on a bicycle in front of a car. Oh, no. He's wobbling around. He's going in oncoming traffic. He's into oncoming traffic, doing his wheelie. He can't see. There's a parked car. It was inevitable. He made a long wheelie, though.

[Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Luis]

Might have been a record until. I just didn't expect it to end that way. Oh, do that on, like, a high school track or something. Well, they don't have high schools in that country. That was. What am I saying? Wherever he was was.

[Holmberg]

All right.

[Luis]

That was a high school class he was in.

[Brady]

They don't ever look up much in the cars.

[Luis]

What do you mean?

[Brady]

They're plowing more people. We got so many videos. Like, they're just.

[Luis]

And, you know, you're right, because all the videos of them, they're. They seemingly should be used to pedestrians in the road.

[Brady]

Head on a swivel guy swerve two cars in front of you already. They just don't get the go in the guys.

[Luis]

No, I'm gonna pass the dude past the guy, stopping. He's stopping for no good reason. But maybe they're used to that too, because there's always something going On. It's like. Just go around it.

[Holmberg]

All right, let's go with a little fast food. Action. This apparently happened in Mickey D's.

[Luis]

Okay. We're at the McDonald's table. She's got her phone out. She's eating a French fry. Her friend filming is. Oh. Is squirting. She's. She's doing something to her own body. And she own. The other girl's taking her top off at the McDonald's table. She's filming too. Playland.

[Dick Toledo]

Right there.

[Luis]

Well, they're right next to the window.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, that is.

[Luis]

They're in the McDonald's. There's a couple of old people and one of the girls just. Just masturb. Show you the. Just masturbated at the table. Ah, at McDonald's. Interesting.

[Holmberg]

And there you go.

[Luis]

Oh, my goodness. Are they at the McDonald's too?

[Holmberg]

Y.

[Luis]

That lady's just peeing straight up in the air.

[Brady]

Pepper there.

[Dick Toledo]

What the.

[Luis]

He's just laying in a McDonald's booth, peeing straight up in the air with a vibrator. No employees can see that. Not one. How good is McDonald's fries to some people? She's scraping the remnants off the table. Right off the table. And it was a lot. She just scooped off all the. She's got some sort of contraption going in that thing. Seriously, Brady. Where is he? Where's your guy? We're not getting better by any stretch. What is he waiting for?

[Brady]

He's coming.

[Holmberg]

He may be coming sooner than later.

[Luis]

How is it. How is he? Like, not bad enough.

[Brady]

He's got to be in route.

[Luis]

Yeah.

[Holmberg]

Like, can we drive him? Miss Daisy. What the hell's taking so long?

[Luis]

Can we get the NORAD Santa tracker on? Jesus. He's got to come back soon, right? Yes.

[Holmberg]

Especially after watching his one.

[Luis]

Let's have Musk can go get him. Help them out. Oh, Jesus. This lady's got a caliper in her private parts and has opened it up the side. A football. A football would go in here. And she's making that noise with her insides. I don't know.

[Brady]

What, Like a horse?

[Luis]

Yeah. She's doing clippity clop.

[Dick Toledo]

Wow.

[Luis]

What? Oh, that's her B hole.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah.

[Luis]

I thought it was the other thing I did, too.

[Holmberg]

Her hands in the air like she.

[Luis]

Is that a flashlight? She's lighting it like a spotlight. What is she doing? And where do you buy these things? Where do you buy.

[Brady]

Available on Facebook.

[Luis]

The sound effects again. Where's your guy? I'm gonna call your mom, Brady. And I'm gonna Play this for. And I'm gonna say. I'm gonna give you a thousand guesses. $10 million. I'll give you 1,000 guesses. Identify this noise, and if your mom say it's a somebody's bee hole, she's bottoming with confidence. Some dudes need Botox. This lady can fit a football.

[Brady]

Somebody changed that oil filter.

[Luis]

I think she's got a flat. Not free flowing, man.

[Holmberg]

Oh, we can't go many much farther than that.

[Luis]

I don't know what's in there that's doing that, man.

[Brady]

He's got one worse.

[Holmberg]

No, that's it. We're gonna finish there. I can't go. I can't do that.

[Luis]

I can't even. I don't even know what. I don't know where to start with you people. Oh, humanity, how you've steered us all wrong. And I get letters sent to me from listeners mad about making fun of AI women's bodies. You really think this is the fish to fry? Take a look around, sister.

[Brady]

That's why you're in trouble.

[Luis]

Yeah, I mean, that lady can make the same noise that the Monty Python guys did to make the sound of horses with the two coconuts with her butt. Some people like that. Who's turned on by these things? Somebody. Not zero. No, the number is not zero. And in this room right now, it's one. I'll show you at McDonald's. Stop doing that. At food places, too, there's a dirty dining report I like to see Jason Barry from Channel 3. Food stored above uncooked food. A lady masturbating and peeing on the table. No washcloths for the cooks.

[Holmberg]

Whoa, what was that second one again?

[Luis]

Hold on. What did the second lady do?

[Brady]

Mysterious liquid on a tabletop being scooped.

[Luis]

Off with a forearm.

[Holmberg]

Imagine a poor guy. That is McRib. Right after that, on that table.

[Luis]

My McRib smells like butterscotch and salmon.

[Dick Toledo]

Recognize the smell?

[Holmberg]

I ordered a McRib, not a fish fillet.

[Luis]

Hey, I think you mixed these up. This smells an awful lot like that fish Sammy. And I wanted the rib. Sammy, it's your table, sir. We warned you not to put it directly on there. You mean my table makes fish stink?

[Stand-Up Comedy Announcer]

Yeah.

[Luis]

All right. Well, there you go. I've got to reset my whole brain. There you go, everybody. That is your Brady Report. It's 98 KUPD, Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.

[Holmberg]

It's Brett Vesley from Homeburg's Morning Sickness, and I want to introduce you to Patrick Riley. Now, Patrick Riley is your total home solutions provider where one call does it all look when it comes to H vac, plumbing or electrical issues, their certified professional technicians deliver quality you can trust and savings you'll apprec right now. Patrick Riley is a special for you guys. Fifteen hundred dollars off a new AC system install plus up to eleven hundred dollars in additional rebates. They offer same day emergency services with licensed professional technicians. Check them out online@patrick rileyservices.com hey, what's up?

[Listener]

It's Mo and my friends at the University of Advancing Technology has been ranked the number one best college for computer science for not one but two years in a row. Which makes total sense because UAT are always on the lookout for those who don't just embrace technology, they live it. From advancing comp science and robotics to cybersecurity, gaming and artificial intelligence, UAT is where innovation thrives. So if you're ready to lead the next tech revolution, visit uat.edu mo and don't just study tech, live it.