04-11-25 - Bill Bellamy - Stand Up Live - In Studio

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode: 04-11-25 - Bill Bellamy - Stand Up Live - In Studio
Release Date: April 11, 2025
Host: John Holmberg
Guests: Bill Bellamy

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1. Introduction of Bill Bellamy

The episode welcomes comedian and actor Bill Bellamy, who joins John Holmberg to discuss a range of topics from 90s basketball nostalgia to the challenges of aging in the public eye.

Notable Quote:

Bill Bellamy [01:15]: "The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail."

2. Nostalgia for 90s Basketball

Bill and John delve into memories of 90s basketball, reminiscing about players like John Stockton, Jeff Hornacek, and Charles Barkley. They share humorous anecdotes from their experiences attending games and interacting with players.

Notable Quotes:

Bill Bellamy [04:11]: "Stockton had on a plaid shirt, like a little Lumberjack from Costco."

John Holmberg [04:52]: "I run into Greg Foster and Greg Ostertag, two seven-foot giants, and it's hilarious how they interact."

3. Personal Anecdotes and Locker Room Stories

Bill shares a memorable story about hanging out with Charles Barkley, highlighting Barkley's brutally honest and comedic nature. The conversation touches on interactions within the locker room, including humorous nicknames and player behaviors.

Notable Quotes:

Bill Bellamy [06:34]: "Charles Barkley is one of my favorite people. He's the hero anti-hero who says stuff you can't believe."

Bill Bellamy [07:12]: "Charles can't eat without having things roped off; it's hilarious to watch."

4. The Struggles of Aging and Public Perception

Both hosts discuss the challenges of aging, especially for public figures. They joke about their appearances over the years and share experiences of being mistaken for others or receiving unsolicited comments about their looks.

Notable Quotes:

John Holmberg [22:31]: "A lady confused me for Johnny Sins, the porn star. She even mentioned I look like him, but with AIDS."

Bill Bellamy [23:21]: "I was in a restaurant, and a woman thought I looked like the real Bill Bellamy but said I must be older. I told her, 'I'm him.'"

5. Reflections on Pop Culture and Media

The conversation shifts to broader pop culture, including references to Baywatch, MTV, and reality TV. They discuss Bill's stint on Baywatch and the evolution of Pamela Anderson's public image over the years.

Notable Quotes:

Bill Bellamy [17:32]: "I was on Baywatch as the sexy black man. Look it up."

John Holmberg [21:12]: "Pamela Anderson's gardening show looks nothing like her in the 90s. It's just shredded wheat with no sugar, no cinnamon, no milk."

6. Comedy and Audience Engagement

Bill and John incorporate humor by performing impressions and sharing funny incidents from their careers. They engage in playful banter about the absurdities of fame and the entertainment industry.

Notable Quotes:

Bill Bellamy [26:31]: "Let's fix the world in one line. Laugh like there is no tomorrow. And dance like nobody's looking."

John Holmberg [26:39]: "You're just quoting little things I see at Marshalls for single, divorced women."

7. Conclusion and Words of Wisdom

As the episode wraps up, Bill Bellamy shares insightful and uplifting thoughts on enjoying life, managing stress, and cherishing relationships. His closing remarks emphasize the importance of laughter and living in the moment.

Notable Quotes:

Bill Bellamy [26:31]: "Have fun a little bit, you know. Stop letting things stress you out. Love those who love you. Go where you celebrate it and not tolerate it."

John Holmberg [26:57]: "It's beautiful. I think it's beautiful. Bill Bellamy."

8. Promotional Segments

The episode includes brief promotions for upcoming comedy shows at Standup Live and the Improv in the Valley, encouraging listeners to attend performances by Leo Gonzalez, Randy Felt Face, and Gary Owen.

Notable Quote:

Gary Owen [27:15]: "For the complete lineups and tickets, go to standuplive.com, desertridgeimprov.com, and tempeimprov.com."

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Summary: In this engaging episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness, Bill Bellamy brings a wave of nostalgia and humor as he and host John Holmberg reminisce about the golden era of 90s basketball and their personal experiences with iconic figures like Charles Barkley. The duo navigates through light-hearted discussions on aging, media appearances, and the ever-changing landscape of pop culture. With a blend of heartfelt anecdotes and sharp comedic exchanges, the episode offers listeners both laughter and relatable insights. Bellamy's closing words serve as a gentle reminder to embrace joy, manage stress, and cherish meaningful relationships, encapsulating the heart of the show's entertaining yet thoughtful spirit.

Transcript

[Byron]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[Dick Toledo]

It's Dick Toledo from Holberg's Morning sickness for Game Day Men's Health. I did my free consultation with Game Day back in November because I was experiencing a lack of energy and focus. Now, nearly six months later, I'm feeling like my old, old self again. Go to gameday phoenix.com today and book a free consultation in a matter of minutes at Game Day's in house lab. A licensed game day clinician will draw your blood, run some tests, and formulate a plan to incorporate any number of these therap to help you get back in the game. You can battle the clock of aging and it starts today at one of the 11 game day men's health locations in the Valley at gamedayphoenix.com Spring is.

[Larry McFeely]

In full swing now, and summer is right around the corner. Hey, it's Larry McFeely. And there's no better time to hit the trails, the lakes and those wide open desert roads in a brand new Toyota. Whether you're hauling gear to Roosevelt Lake and the powerful Toyota Tundra, navigating rocky trails in the rugged Tacoma, or exploring Sedona in The all new 4Runner, Toyota's got the muscle and comfort to match your most excellent adventures. Head to your Valley Toyota dealer or valley Toyota dealer today and gear up for summer in a ride that's built for the heat and the adventures. Summer starts here. Toyota. Let's go places.

[Bill Bellamy]

The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail.

[Byron]

This isn't your first day.

[Bill Bellamy]

Our first rodeo. We're family, bro. We know how to talk radio, bro.

[Byron]

Look at that. Bill Bellamy is here. And I've been. You've been in my house three of the last four days on tv.

[Bill Bellamy]

Listen, listen, man. I live in your spirit.

[Byron]

You do. You are in my orbit.

[Bill Bellamy]

I'm in your orbit.

[Byron]

You have.

[Bill Bellamy]

So good to see you guys again. I missed you, man.

[Byron]

Back at you. Bill Bellamy.

[Bill Bellamy]

Get it together. I was listening to you coming in.

[Byron]

What'd we do?

[Bill Bellamy]

You actually know what you're doing? Like, you know, you could tell. You guys like this reason why you hit show.

[Byron]

You kind of know something about 25 years.

[Bill Bellamy]

I mean, by the 24th year, you're like, I think we got it.

[Byron]

We're sleepwalking. A couple more years, we're out.

[Bill Bellamy]

You know, we flaming out.

[Byron]

We are flaming out. You're here Friday. That's Today, tomorrow and [e-mail] if you want to go down there. We were just talking. I, I. The reason I say that is because NBA has been on my mind. I'm Sons fan. I've been miserable all year. You are going through, dude, it's terrible. But you, they run this thing on NBA tv, like, whenever. It's like rainy day recess whenever. They don't have anything going on.

[Bill Bellamy]

They don't have any programming. They do, they do the classics, best of the 90s, best 80s and stuff. You're in the 90s, I'm in the 90s, yes.

[Byron]

NB 80s, it's called. And it's just you guys comment on stuff that happened and it was on yesterday. And I'm watching him, like, I've been watching this for years because it's clips.

[Bill Bellamy]

You remember seeing tons. So it's interesting, it's nostalgic, and it's funny.

[Byron]

It's hilarious.

[Bill Bellamy]

So, like, I remember shooting it. Let me see. It was 20, 25, I want to say 10 years ago, at least. Yeah.

[Byron]

Steve Kurt is young in this.

[Bill Bellamy]

Yeah. He looked like he just came out of college, Right.

[Byron]

And he's talking about, like, he's a TNT analyst. He's not even coaching the world.

[Bill Bellamy]

No, not yet. Yeah, yeah. So he's talking about 10, 12 years ago. Yeah, yeah, I believe. Because I remember we sh in Santa Monica at a hotel, and they was like, bill, say whatever you want to say. Oh, it's great. And I was like, they would show me the clip and I could see it and I say, whatever comedic thing. Captain's crying.

[Byron]

It's entertaining every time. And I was watching it, and then I literally wasn't paying attention again. Flaming out, phoning it in. Got found out yesterday. Oh, Bill Bellamy's here tomorrow. I've been watching you all week.

[Bill Bellamy]

Listen, man, you use your mental power to pull me out the universe.

[Byron]

Right, Right.

[Bill Bellamy]

I have conjured you, and you love basketball like me. But let me tell you. Can I tell you, you just remind me of a fun. This is the difference between black people and white people. Right?

[Byron]

This is it.

[Bill Bellamy]

This is a great story.

[Byron]

The difference.

[Bill Bellamy]

So the difference, right? So this is like 90s basketball. This is like I go to Utah. I go to Utah. And John Stockton, Jeff Hornisek. Right, right. Okay, cool, cool. So you know all the brothers got, they got the Damn diamonds, double 85 carries in the ears. They got the big, big watch and the boom, boom, boom, boom. You know what? Stockton had on a plaid shirt, like.

[Byron]

A little Lumberjack from Costco.

[Bill Bellamy]

And, and, and, and, and, and, and tucked, Tucked by his balls just jammed in there. Yeah. And he just had a little travel bag and he got more money than everybody.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Bill Bellamy]

But he don't look it. Yeah, he looked like he was going to the movies.

[Byron]

Yeah, it was work, but.

[Bill Bellamy]

AI Diamonds.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Bill Bellamy]

Durag, head to the side. John's like, guys, we're going to an insurance meeting.

[Byron]

I got to go in. When I first started, I was like, damn. I first started in media. I got to do. I just got to do. After the game, I'd go with a microphone into the locker room. And the Utah Jazz was my first game.

[Bill Bellamy]

Oh, wow.

[Byron]

Carl malone. It was 1996. Yeah. So I go in, do the Suns thing, and then I run over to get some sound from the visiting team. And I walked in there, and the first thing is, I walked in. You remember a guy named Greg Foster and Greg Ostertag, the two seven foot, gargantuan human beings? First thing that happens to me is I turn and Greg Foster walks by me. And his hips are about my height.

[Bill Bellamy]

He's huge, huge square dude.

[Byron]

Dick out. Right by my eyes. That was. It was smaller than mine, and I was beaming. And then I turned and Greg Foster has an anteater hanging off of the middle of him. Oh, my God, this elephant trunk. And they walk right by each other. And I'm like, that poor bastard Oster Tag has nothing. Then you find out Jock V's nickname was the anteater because he couldn't sit on the bench without it hitting the floor. That's what you learn when you're in the locker room.

[Bill Bellamy]

See, they didn't have porn back then. He could have just switched that up and just went and made a truck. Truckload of money.

[Byron]

And a future, it was.

[Bill Bellamy]

And the future.

[Byron]

So the Utah Jazz to me, used to be something fun to watch. Now it's a triggering nightmare for me to even see.

[Bill Bellamy]

You was traumatized. Let me tell you how long I've. I've been a fan of the Suns because we got to go back to Charles Barkley. Said Sabalas. Steve Nash.

[Byron]

Kevin Johnson.

[Bill Bellamy]

Kevin Johnson. The big O.

[Byron]

The big Oliver Miller.

[Bill Bellamy]

What was, what was the. You, your center.

[Byron]

Mark West.

[Bill Bellamy]

No, no, no, no. He had bad knees. Oh. Oh, no, no. Stoudemire.

[Byron]

Oh, Amari.

[Bill Bellamy]

Yeah. So let me tell you when my favorite era was. When Dan Marley. It was Dan Marley. Charles. Yeah, right.

[Byron]

Yep. That was KJ Charles, Dan Marley Barkley.

[Bill Bellamy]

I was on MTV. It's gotta be 90 something okay.

[Byron]

Yeah, it was like 90 something.

[Bill Bellamy]

Cause Dan Marley had a restaurant.

[Byron]

Still does.

[Bill Bellamy]

Right? Right. Okay. Cool, cool, cool. So I'm hanging out with Charles. And you gotta understand, Charles Barkley is one of my favorite people. Cause he's the hero. Anti hero.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Bill Bellamy]

Like, he's gonna say stuff that you can't believe. And he's brutally honest. Like. Right. So this was like, right after Charles threw somebody through some glass or through some craziness. Do you remember what I'm talking about?

[Byron]

Place called Dutch John.

[Bill Bellamy]

Yeah. So I'm hanging out with Charles one night. I'm in town, whatever. And I said, charles, man, did you throw somebody through the window? He was like, absolutely. I don't like people talking trash, Bill. I said, charles, you ain't even gonna deny. Nope.

[Byron]

And they deserved it. That was. He didn't pull back on that.

[Bill Bellamy]

Man, Charles is hilarious. I mean, and he was. He was one of the guys that I always liked hanging out with because people loved him. But he's kind of like, enough is enough.

[Byron]

Right. He'll let you know when it's over.

[Bill Bellamy]

So this is a true story. Just popped back in my head. So we had Marley's having lunch. And this is when Charles is Charles. And they got it roped off. They got. They had to put the thing. Cause Charles can't eat.

[Byron]

Right.

[Bill Bellamy]

So we over there laughing or whatever. And what they do is they send the kids with the ball.

[Byron]

Yeah. To get sympathy.

[Bill Bellamy]

So the dad got 42 balls in the truck.

[Byron]

Oh, boy.

[Bill Bellamy]

You know what I'm talking about, son. One more. Just ask Charles one more time, Right? So Charles is eating or whatever. And it's the same boy. He done signed it. This is the fourth ball. Chuck said, man, you better stop, man. You better stop, man. You the same child. You the same child. Hey, man, you. You ought to shoot yourself in the face for doing that to your son, man. Can I have some more salt and pepper, please?

[Byron]

He just keeps going.

[Bill Bellamy]

And he's right. I have some more salt and pepper, please, man. I said, oh, my God. Oh, my God. That's. That's what I love. And that's why I. I think he's so successful on tv. Because it's a part of his honesty that is comical to everybody.

[Byron]

Oh, it's what we all are thinking.

[Bill Bellamy]

I love that.

[Byron]

As in, I do a lot of impressions and the like doing Charles Barkley. You'll never be funnier than him. No, like, I can just repeat what he says, which is kind of a cruddy impression. When you do what They've already said, he's funnier than anyone could ever be.

[Bill Bellamy]

He's funny and not trying to be comedy. They say, charles, why you never bought your. Your. Your wife a, A, a. A watch? He said, it's one on the stove.

[Byron]

Yeah. And we all said there is. He's not wrong.

[Bill Bellamy]

That's the best part. San.

[Byron]

The big women of San Anton.

[Bill Bellamy]

Bass, I love them.

[Byron]

Yeah. I was watching yesterday. I was watching and they were breaking down all is the last time TNT is going to have.

[Bill Bellamy]

This is last year. Right?

[Byron]

Last time.

[Bill Bellamy]

They should do the best to Chuck.

[Byron]

They were doing some of that yesterday.

[Bill Bellamy]

You see the women in San Antonio, big lady does it live on stage like, oh, my God, ain't nothing down here.

[Byron]

You said that you'd watch the ncaa, the March Madness. How did you do in your brackets? Did you do brackets?

[Bill Bellamy]

I don't do well.

[Byron]

Yeah, I, I had AI do it for the first time, and I was in fourth place going into. I didn't know who I picked or what ended up losing the. The last game. But I, like, I can't do the game.

[Bill Bellamy]

The game of games to me was the Duke.

[Byron]

Oh, was it Duke and 15 second or no Duke Houston, seven points.

[Bill Bellamy]

Duke, Houston burnout.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Bill Bellamy]

At the end, just like you said, flame out, yo.

[Byron]

They flame, yo.

[Bill Bellamy]

Yeah, that 13, 15 seconds was. If you was betting on that game, you had a season.

[Byron]

Yeah, there was definitely some 7 points in 15 seconds.

[Bill Bellamy]

But how did that happen?

[Byron]

We have to be honest, though. And I said this after the game on Tuesday came in and, like, I don't like, like, I give the WNBA a lot of grief, and the memes that come up are hilarious. If those were women playing Monday night, there would have been a lot of memes about how bad that. That game Monday was ugly. It was bad. And so I, I do a lot of, like, joking around about, like, if it's bad, we say it's bad, we don't do it. You know, like what Charles would say. It's the. If it's bad, it doesn't matter what your gender is. You just had a bad night.

[Bill Bellamy]

You just had a bad night.

[Byron]

It looked bad. If you're running the wrong way on a court, we're not going to say, hey, don't make fun of women.

[Bill Bellamy]

You did that.

[Byron]

That's your fault. So that thing that happened on Monday was ugly. So if it was women's basketball, the Internet would have blown up with memes about, you know, just dropping the ball instead of shooting it at the end.

[Bill Bellamy]

That was the dumbest. Okay. I don't know the guy's name. Bless his heart. Throw it up. He got to. He got to be a suicide.

[Byron]

Oh, yeah.

[Bill Bellamy]

Because that was a blunder of sorts.

[Byron]

Well, the dude came out to close on defense. He just put the ball down. He surrendered. He went French.

[Bill Bellamy]

Are you. Are you. Do you have money on the game? Who doesn't? Come get it. Come get it. Come get it. Bro, this is what I hate about guys who want to be hero. Right? First and foremost. Unless you are baby Jesus and you got 12 seconds on the clock. Why are we going all the way down to three?

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Bill Bellamy]

Because the reality of the matter is if you shoot and you miss, you have an opportunity to get another shot. Don't cut your arm off by shooting the last shot with three seconds because you want to be the God dang hero. And now. And they playing great D, though.

[Byron]

Yeah. Oh, there was great defense.

[Bill Bellamy]

Oh, they was closing out the dude's defense. It came in my living room. I was like, turn the channel.

[Byron]

Just turn the channel.

[Bill Bellamy]

My man knew that shot was gonna get blocked at chaos.

[Byron]

He just put it down. He just put it down.

[Bill Bellamy]

Listen, bro, at least. Bro, that is the worst flame out, like you said earlier in the history of college sports. The final game. And it's the final game. Like, why would you do that? Pass it one more time. If you pump fake, Matter of fact, the guy is running at you so hard, all you got to do is pump fake and let him run into you. The only one, the only person that was happy about that ending was Chris Weber.

[Byron]

Yeah. Because it kind of killed his.

[Bill Bellamy]

Yeah, yeah. Chris Webber.

[Byron]

The moment.

[Bill Bellamy]

Finally. Finally, he's not the dodo.

[Byron]

Yeah, that was pretty.

[Bill Bellamy]

That was tough.

[Byron]

But nobody remembers this kid's name because at least. At the very least. Yeah, he just was so bad and innocuous with like, I just put it down.

[Bill Bellamy]

I think he just went to junior college. He just went right started over. Morning sickness.

[Byron]

The 98 KUPD.

[Larry McFeely]

Spring is in full swing now, and summer is right around the corner. Hey, it's Larry McFeely. And there's no better time to hit the trails, the lakes, and those wide open desert roads in a brand new Toyota. Whether you're hauling gear to Roosevelt Lake in the powerful Toyota Tundra, navigating rocky trails in the rugged Tacoma, or exploring Sedona in the all new 4Runner. Toyota's got the muscle and comfort to match your most excellent adventures. Head to your Valley toyota dealer or valleytoyotadealers.com today and gear up for summer in a ride that's built for the heat and the adventures. Summer starts here. Toyota. Let's go places.

[Gary Owen]

All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Get up north to Desert Ridge to see comedy sets from Leo Gonzalez and Tempe at the Improv. You've got Randy Feldface performing. Just Google it. And you're gonna have to go see for yourself on that one. And downtown at Standup Live, the very funny Gary Owen entertains you all this week. For the complete lineups and for tickets, go to standuplive.com, desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com hey.

[Byron]

Byron, I was looking at mmpguns.com's website. You have everything and the prices are incredible.

Yes, sir. Mmpguns.com has over 400,000 products for sale daily. Everything from firearms, ammunition, accessories, optics, clothing, decoys, and more. The best part is if you see it on our website, it's in stock and ready to ship.

Wait, there's no backorders?

Nope. We work with all our distributors, so what you see on our site is what's actually available. We ship all over the country, so we're not just for Arizonans anymore. If the firearm you want is legal in your state, we can get it to a dealer for you to pick up.

[Bill Bellamy]

Sounds simple.

[Byron]

That's why I always go to MMP.

[Bill Bellamy]

Guns.Com Hol's Morning Sickness. Nil just went.

[Byron]

Bill Bellamy's at Standup Live tonight, tomorrow and Sunday. If you want to go standup live.com. i always associate with MTV and all the stuff that you did in the past. And last time you were here, we talked about the spring breaks. Yes, Spring break just happened and it gave me an idea. Go ahead, get everybody back together, including the people that were on the beach and let's do a full out recreation. No, no, no, because I want to.

[Bill Bellamy]

See what they look like.

[Byron]

Well, they all look like now. They're all 52.

[Bill Bellamy]

Like you still got ran, you know what I'm saying? I just dipped myself in baby oil.

[Byron]

Would you. Would you like to see you next to 1993? You kind of feel the same.

[Bill Bellamy]

I just got a little more size to me now because I've been in the gym. I couldn't even gain no weight back then. I weighed a buckle three.

[Byron]

But like, if you get all the people, like, it would be ugly. It would be. It would be ugly because I literally watched they Clipped it the other day. And they had one. It was a Cypress Hill. If I was. If I could just kill a man, that's. Yeah, Cypress Hill, right?

[Bill Bellamy]

If I could just kill a man.

[Byron]

And at the end they just said, peace. And I started laughing like, you're just talking about killing people the whole time. And they did that. And then the whole crowd, they'd pan to the crowd and it's just beautiful people. And I was. Find all of them and come on back.

[Bill Bellamy]

Everybody's in their 20s. Yeah, 18s, 19s in there. Whatever. I'll never forget this. This just happened recently, right? So this dude comes up to me, he's like, yo, Bill Bellamy, man. I've been a fan forever. You not gonna believe this. I was at the beach house. I said what? He said, yeah, he said, I was at Pepperdine University, right across the street. Right, right, right across the street. So the beach house was only like a mile up the street from Pepperdine. He said, I was college. I was a sophomore in college and I got into the beach house and you got me on tv and you talked about my head. That I had a big ass head. I.

[Byron]

See. Gonna get that guy back.

[Bill Bellamy]

His head would still be.

[Byron]

Yeah, I would love that. Because I looked at that, I'm like, man, the horrors of aging. If we just.

[Bill Bellamy]

Bro, let me tell you what scared me the other day.

[Byron]

Look at this. The crowd. And this is a rainy day. And the crowd is. Yeah, let's bring them all.

[Bill Bellamy]

That's House of Pain, right? No, no, that's not Cyprus. Let's Cypress.

[Byron]

Let's be real up there. Let's get the whole crew back up.

[Bill Bellamy]

With the same afro.

[Byron]

You and Daisy and John and the whole crew.

[Bill Bellamy]

The top will be missing on the fro.

[Byron]

It'll just be like that and just rec. Spring break with the people that were there.

[Bill Bellamy]

To me, clearly, bro, I would. Do you know I was on Baywatch?

[Byron]

What? Come on, I've seen all of them. I don't remember.

[Bill Bellamy]

Google that, bro. I was on Baywatch, bro.

[Byron]

How did I not notice?

[Bill Bellamy]

I was the sexy black man.

[Byron]

Oh, I was looking at something else.

[Bill Bellamy]

He was looking at something else. So let me tell you what's so funny. So this is when you got Pamela Anderson.

[Byron]

Yep.

[Bill Bellamy]

David Hasselhoff.

[Byron]

Hasselhoff.

[Bill Bellamy]

You know who else on there?

[Byron]

Chokechi. David Chokechee.

[Bill Bellamy]

What's the other guy? He's. He's got. He's a singer too. Dave. David. Dave.

[Byron]

What? He was a singer also. His. Hasselhoff was a singer.

[Bill Bellamy]

No, Dave. But this other Guy I remember who.

[Byron]

The other.

[Bill Bellamy]

He's not an actor anymore, but his name was Shavar.

[Byron]

Oh, chevre. What the hell is it, Chevrolet or something?

[Bill Bellamy]

Chevrolet.

[Byron]

Yeah, something like that.

[Bill Bellamy]

Look it up for us, though.

[Byron]

He sang.

[Bill Bellamy]

Yeah, he could sing. He could actually sing. Charvet. David Charvet.

[Byron]

David Charvet.

[Bill Bellamy]

David Charvet. So it's right in there, right? See, I tell no lies. You could Google all this.

[Byron]

So were you a cast member or just.

[Bill Bellamy]

So this. It was a stunt. So basically what happened was we were at the beach house and Baywatch was on the beach, and they kind of came up, and then they tried to make it seem like me and the black girl had, like, a little bit of a thing. Thing or whatever. It was cute. Whatever, Right, Tracy. Tracy.

[Byron]

Damn it.

[Bill Bellamy]

She was you. She was gorgeous. Yeah, look it up.

[Byron]

Damn it.

[Bill Bellamy]

I'm looking. Tracy. He'll get it in a second. But David.

[Byron]

David Charvet.

[Bill Bellamy]

Charvet. And I saw Pamela Aniston reach recently if you do that.

[Byron]

Tracy Bingham. Tracy Bingham.

[Bill Bellamy]

Tracy Bingham.

[Byron]

Yes.

[Bill Bellamy]

Okay, bro. Let me tell you how fine Pamela Anderson was in 1990.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Bill Bellamy]

I was doing MTV Rocking Jock softball.

[Byron]

Oh, yeah.

[Bill Bellamy]

This in the end, let me tell you who was in there. It was Alex Rodriguez. It was David Justice. It was Pamela Anderson. It was salt and pepper.

[Byron]

Oh, my God.

[Bill Bellamy]

This is the era. Roger Clemens.

[Byron]

Clemens, the pitcher.

[Bill Bellamy]

So, you know, they mix in the real MLB guys. We playing softball, this, that, and the other. Right. Pamela Anderson walks into the. What is it? The locker room.

[Gary Owen]

Yeah.

[Bill Bellamy]

Clubhouse. Oh, my God.

[Byron]

It's insane, bro. It's not human.

[Bill Bellamy]

Pamela Anderson was so damn fine, it didn't even make no sense to me. You, like, she was the first AI.

[Byron]

Yeah. She came to life.

[Bill Bellamy]

She came to life. She walked out the computer. She was weird science, yo. Bitch baby J. But I'm telling you, baby. So I said, damn right. Pamela Anderson. Blah, blah, blah. She's on fire. Yeah, she's on fire, bro. Right? Cut to. My wife loves watching reality TV or something. Whatever, right? So there's some show that she has right now where she's doing gardening and she's doing. And it's supposed to be really, really big.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Bill Bellamy]

This is how dumb I am. I said, who that? There's no makeup.

[Byron]

Renee Zellinger looks terrible. Yeah.

[Bill Bellamy]

I'm like, yo. She was like, that is Pamela Anderson. I said, when?

[Byron]

Who lit her on fire?

[Bill Bellamy]

She was in the fire. Yeah. She ran into a truck.

[Byron]

It's not fair, though, because if, like, all, bro, you have to have that.

[Bill Bellamy]

You cannot go from where. No, you can't go from 1994 to this is like shredded wood Wheat, you know, Shredded Wheat, you know, with no. No sugar, no cinnamon. No. And no milk.

[Byron]

Yeah. It's just.

[Bill Bellamy]

You gotta crunch it up in your head.

[Byron]

That's wrong. That's how I, I compared the, the. The Jake Paul, Mike Tyson fight when everybody was all excited and I'm like, if I called you and said I met Pam Anderson and she wants to do a sex tape with me, your brain would go to what that looks like before the 90.

[Bill Bellamy]

When I show you do the shredded. We want.

[Byron]

When I do the 2025 sex tape and show you.

[Bill Bellamy]

You.

[Byron]

You're going to punch me and ask me to never ever talk to you again. You don't want to see it.

[Gary Owen]

Your image.

[Bill Bellamy]

That would be like. Let me tell you how bad that. That transition or whatever is. That would be like you marrying a playmate. Yeah, but she stank.

[Byron]

Maybe that isn't.

[Bill Bellamy]

You're like, baby, damn. Did you wash? Yeah, cuz the visual.

[Byron]

Oh yeah.

[Bill Bellamy]

Versus what you got to deal with. With. I mean, I'm making a joke of it, but I'm saying like that's how. How harsh you'd be like, no way. How is that possible? But here we don't. All jokes aside, we don't know how we gonna age or whatever thing. I'm just lucky to be able to have healthy life and like, you know, exercise all the time. I think exercise is everything work out. But you can't control what you. What you look like.

[Byron]

No, that was my. Like this. Like here's the thing, I've. I like, I joke around all the time. I look like Squidward and that's fine. But I got a lady who confused me yesterday for Johnny Sins, the porn star. Are. She asked me at the gas station.

[Bill Bellamy]

Yeah, you gotta take that.

[Byron]

So. And I did. I liked that a lot. Now all the emailers are like, you look like Johnny Sins if you had aids. And I'm like, okay, of course.

[Bill Bellamy]

Have you ever been confused like you had chemo?

[Byron]

Yeah, yeah, he's sick.

[Bill Bellamy]

No, have I ever been.

[Byron]

Has anybody said, I know you. You're. And you.

[Bill Bellamy]

Oh my God. Let me tell you what happened to me. I was in a restaurant, right? This lady's probably like in her 40s, right? She's a waitress or whatever. She was like, can I say something to you? I said, yeah. She said, has anyone ever told you that you look like a guy named Bill Bellamy? Oh, I said, no. She said, you know what? You look so much like Bill Bellamy. But there's no way you could be him because he would be old.

[Byron]

I say old as you, that's actually okay. But it is kind of awful.

[Bill Bellamy]

This is funny. So she was like. Because I met him in 1992.

[Byron]

Oh, man.

[Bill Bellamy]

I was at Blah, blah, blah. And I went to mtv and they made me a background around person. And I got a chance to say hi to him. I said, how was he?

[Byron]

She.

[Bill Bellamy]

She was like, he was really, really nice. But I. I just know you couldn't be him because he would be older. Yeah. I said, I'm him. Good to see you again. She said, no, yeah way.

[Byron]

She thought you still looked really good.

[Bill Bellamy]

Compliments. Yeah, it was cute. I still got a little gray. I mean, you know, I mean, I don't mind, but I'm like, I don't look like Frederick Douglass.

[Byron]

That's what I was thinking. Like, George Carver's gonna be.

[Bill Bellamy]

Yo, White photo back in mtv. Yo, yo, like. Like. Like some of the NBA players that I used to hang out with, man, they just look so different. And I'd be like, am I supposed to look like that? Like, you know, Charles Oakley is my main man. 50 grand, right? So back in the day, it used to be in New York, we'd be like, Charles, Mike. Mike would come to town, there'd be a bunch of cats hanging out, you know, drinking and stuff, happening. And Oakley always been real. Bill. What's up, boy? You all right, man? Don't let. Let me. Let. Let me know if anybody touched, man. Cause back then.

[Byron]

Oak.

[Bill Bellamy]

If Oak told you he gonna slap, you just gotta get ready to die.

[Byron]

You're gonna get hit.

[Bill Bellamy]

He slapped. He was. That was his thing. He was slapping people. He wouldn't beat you up. He slapped you. And you just stand there stuck. Do. I'm telling you now, do your little five shot. When you finish, I'm a slap.

[Byron]

He didn't pay you for nothing, man.

[Bill Bellamy]

You ain't gonna do nothing.

[Byron]

Six, nine.

[Bill Bellamy]

Just a giant six, nine made out of granite.

[Byron]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bill Bellamy]

Like, no. No weightlifting. Just a man. Just with humongous hands. If he slapped you, your whole head gone. I saw him on TV the other day, and I thought he was Abraham. L.

[Byron]

What happened?

[Bill Bellamy]

Cause now. But it looked good. But it's just his hair. He got a fly cut, but it's just all gray and stuff. And I remember him low, tight fade, high top. That's when we was all wearing high top.

[Byron]

Oh, he's tight. Too tight.

[Bill Bellamy]

And his shorts was tight, tight. That's probably why we slapping People, he had a yeast infest.

[Byron]

You know what's bad for me? Ben Wallace, the former Detroit Piston. I just saw him. He looks like Cornell West.

[Bill Bellamy]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[Byron]

He would have been out for 10 years.

[Bill Bellamy]

Bill's supposed to look like carnel Man. Please. There's oak.

[Byron]

Yeah, just look at him. He still looks good. But.

[Bill Bellamy]

Yo, but he looks good. I think it's just the gray. But he looks fantastic. He literally looks fantastic.

[Byron]

You know what he looks like? He looks like if David Alan Greer took better care of himself.

[Bill Bellamy]

Yeah, that was pretty good. That was pretty snappy response.

[Byron]

Thank you.

[Bill Bellamy]

Yeah. But see what I love about y' all, like, if I say something, you can go right to it. You can't tell no lies on this show. Nope. This dude right here. Oh, wait, what was it? 96.

[Byron]

Okay, I'm back that up.

[Bill Bellamy]

Move.

[Byron]

He's our court reporter. Bill Bellamy is stand up live tonight, tomorrow and Sunday. It's always good to have you Leave us with words of wisdom. Fix the world in one line.

[Bill Bellamy]

Let's fix the world one line. Laugh. Yeah, Laugh like there is no tomorrow. And dance like nobody's looking. Enjoy your moments.

[Byron]

You're just quoting, like, little things I see at Marshalls. Yeah, yeah. For single, divorced women that have those all over their house. Yeah.

[Bill Bellamy]

No, but seriously.

[Byron]

All because two people fell in love.

[Bill Bellamy]

Have fun a little bit, you know, Stop letting things stress you all the way out. And love those who love you. Go where you celebrate it and not tolerate it.

[Byron]

It's beautiful. I think it's beautiful. Bill Bellamy.

[Bill Bellamy]

There it is. There it is.

[Byron]

Bill Bellamy this weekend. Stand up live. Thanks for coming, man. Pleasure. It's 98 KUPD.

[Bill Bellamy]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership feed.

[Byron]

I have heard enough of this.

[Gary Owen]

All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the valley this week. Get up north to Desert Ridge to see comedy sets from Leo Gonzalez and Tempe at the Improv. Got Randy Felt Face performing. Just Google it. And you're gonna have to go see for yourself on that one. And downtown at Standup Live, the very funny Gary Owen entertains you all this week. For the complete lineups and for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com from.

[Dick Toledo]

Monument Valley to Sedona, Horseshoe Bend, Grand Canyon, and more, you might think you've seen all Arizona has to offer. Well, I'd tell you if you haven't been fishing in Arizona, you haven't seen a thing. Thing. It's Dick Toledo from homework's morning sickness. And my first time fishing in Arizona was up in Greer with my friend Jeremy. He was the pro that I'm definitely not. But grabbing a fishing license that weekend was the passport that opened up the whole state to me. And you can get your [e-mail] and discover for yourself a whole new way to take in the Arizona sites.