04-11-25 - Valley Feels Smarter As All The Dolts Are In Florence For Country Thunder - Misdirected Text To John Has Him Asking Toto For Boob Pics - Phone Hack Finally Got TVs Doug Hopkins To Stop Calling John And Text Instead

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona
Episode: Valley Feels Smarter As All The Dolts Are In Florence For Country Thunder - Misdirected Text To John Has Him Asking Toto For Boob Pics - Phone Hack Finally Got TVs Doug Hopkins To Stop Calling John And Text Instead
Release Date: April 11, 2025

---

1. Country Thunder: "The Dumb Army" in Florence

Timestamp: 01:53 - 05:03

John Holmberg kicks off the episode with a humorous take on the upcoming Country Thunder festival. He jokes about the influx of attendees, referring to them as "dumbs," and anticipates a noticeable drop in everyday nuisances around the metro area due to their temporary relocation to Florence.

John Holmberg (01:53): "God, it's a really. You can smell it already."

Brett humorously questions if the recent decline in local "dumbs" is due to them attending the festival, to which John confirms, adding playful mockery about the attendees' intelligence.

Brett (01:53): "Is that what all the dust was, I guess."

John elaborates on the anticipated reduction in everyday annoyances, such as shorter grocery lines and easier shopping experiences, attributing it to the festival-goers' absence.

John Holmberg (02:19): "The dollar store. If you shop at the dollar store, it's going to be like walking through paradise this week."

The conversation continues with a satirical view of Country Thunder, suggesting it's like an episode of "Black Mirror" where attendees are manipulated into becoming dumber.

John Holmberg (02:23): "If Black Mirror did an episode of Country Thunder, it would be some sort of AI way of making you dumber and dumber."

Brett briefly mentions some of the performing artists, including Keith Urban, further mocking the lineup.

Brett (05:25): "Riley Green. Keith Urban."

2. Misdirected Texts: The "Toto" Incident

Timestamp: 08:00 - 15:07

The episode transitions into a personal anecdote involving John receiving a misdirected text intended for someone named Toto. John shares his amusing attempts to engage with the sender, leading to an unexpected revelation about Toto's surgery.

John Holmberg (08:00): "I got a text yesterday. It said, brady was here when I did this. It was pretty fun. Said, hello, Chuck."

Initially mistaking the text for a casual greeting, John decides to continue the conversation, only to realize the sender has undergone significant surgery.

John Holmberg (10:48): "Is this Chuck? Yes. Why would you think it wasn't. You know, it's rough. You know about my surgery, right?"

This encounter leaves John contemplating the unpredictability of wrong-number texts and the potential for such interactions to become depressing or serious.

John Holmberg (11:15): "Chuck and Toto are off my list as games to play man."

3. Phone Hack: Conquering Doug Hopkins' Calls

Timestamp: 15:51 - 35:44

A significant portion of the episode centers around John's innovative "phone hack" to deal with persistent phone calls from Doug Hopkins of My Home Group. John describes his method of using the mute button strategically to discourage unwanted phone interactions.

John Holmberg (15:51): "This reminds me of my relationship with TV's Doug Hopkins and his inability to be a text guy and my inability to be a phone guy."

John explains how he exploits the mute function to give the illusion of poor reception, thereby deterring Doug from continuing phone calls and pushing the conversation towards text-based communication.

John Holmberg (17:40): "He's got this going on. So the band's playing. Doug, he said, Let me just finish this part. You got a few seconds before we're gonna have to go to commercial."

The dialogue highlights the humorous struggle between phone enthusiasts and text advocates, with John proudly showcasing his success in converting Doug to prefer texting over calls.

John Holmberg (18:05): "I've turned him. I turned that hardened stone man into a text person of the 21st century."

He further discusses the broader implications of this tactic, suggesting that it could be beneficial for others facing similar issues with persistent callers.

John Holmberg (19:15): "Use the muted homebird. It is awesome. I'm gonna do it all the time. Highly recommend it to you deadbeats."

The conversation also touches on generational differences in communication preferences, with anecdotes about parents struggling with modern texting methods.

John Holmberg (23:01): "Use the muted homebird. It is turned a stone, man."

4. Community Stories and Interactions

Timestamp: 25:05 - 35:44

Throughout the episode, John engages with his co-hosts, Brady and Brett, sharing and responding to various community stories. These include humorous tales about car troubles, misunderstandings, and the quirks of local residents.

Brett (25:47): "They're coming from England or something."

John shares a story about a miscommunication involving a car's starting issues, leading to a comedic exchange.

John Holmberg (26:32): "Do you know why that. Okay, but the Chrysler."

The segment underscores the camaraderie and playful banter among the hosts, enhancing the episode's engaging and relatable tone.

5. Closing Remarks and Final Jokes

Timestamp: 35:44 - End

As the episode nears its end, the hosts wrap up with light-hearted jokes and reflections on the day's discussions. John reiterates the effectiveness of his phone hack and encourages listeners to adopt similar strategies to manage unwanted calls.

John Holmberg (35:44): "It's pretty cool actually."

The closing moments feature a blend of humor and practical advice, leaving listeners entertained and perhaps inspired to tweak their own communication habits.

---

Notable Quotes

• John Holmberg (02:19): "The dollar store. If you shop at the dollar store, it's going to be like walking through paradise this week."
• John Holmberg (02:23): "If Black Mirror did an episode of Country Thunder, it would be some sort of AI way of making you dumber and dumber."
• John Holmberg (18:05): "I've turned him. I turned that hardened stone man into a text person of the 21st century."
• John Holmberg (19:15): "Use the muted homebird. It is awesome. I'm gonna do it all the time. Highly recommend it to you deadbeats."

Conclusion

This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness masterfully blends humor with relatable scenarios, from local festivals affecting daily life to the modern struggle of managing phone communications. John Holmberg's witty commentary, supported by his co-hosts Brady and Brett, provides listeners with both entertainment and practical insights into navigating everyday nuisances with a light-hearted approach.

Transcript

[Byron]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[Brady]

All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the valley this week. Get up north to Desert Ridge to see comedy sets from Leo Gonzalez and Tempe at the Improv. You've got Randy Felt face performing. Just Google it and you're gonna have to go see for yourself on that one. And downtown at Standup Live, the very funny Gary Owen entertains you. All this for the complete lineups and for tickets go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com Fisher Tools has been the valley's trusted source for professional grade tools for over 60 years. Family owned for three generations, they offer the largest selection of power tools from Milwaukee, Makita, Dewalt and more. They also specialize in tool repair including hydraulics like Burndy and commercial electric contractor tools as well as having a state of the art on site glove testing facility. Visit Fisher Tools in store or [e-mail] and use promo code KUPD for 10% off your order. Fisher Tools brands you know service you trust.

[John Holmberg]

The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. Good morning everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Friday. It's 5:45. This is the morning sickness. My name's John. How are you? There's Brady, there's Brett, there's Toledo. It's Friday. We move on. Big weekend. Good news, Brady, is that there's gonna be a lot less dumb stuff happening here in the metro area because all the R words are out there at Country Thunder this weekend. So they move. We moved them out to Florence where their most of their family ends up.

[Brett]

That what all the dust was, I guess.

[John Holmberg]

Well they. For a couple days they've been driving around like what in the hell? Who's Florence? And then they found it evidently. So they're out there. The dumbs are out at Country Thunder. So our city is free of at least 100,000 dumbs. I don't know how many people go to this thing, but a bunch of dumbs are gone. So. God, it's. It's a really. You can smell it already.

[Brett]

Grocery shopping lines stores will be easier.

[John Holmberg]

The dollar store. If you shop at the dollar store, it's going to be like walking through paradise this week.

[Byron]

Tractor supplies.

[John Holmberg]

Tractor supply company. The actual tractor supply company. It's your utopia. It's Like Willy Wonka's factory for you. Oh, the dumbs. And they're all driving out. There's some of them driving out today to that big let's Get Dumber festival. And it's the IQ drop. If Black Mirror did an episode of Country Thunder, it would be some sort of AI way of making you dumber and dumber. And then they manipulate you into killing, you know, politicians or something. It's happening. Unfortunately, if you live out in that area, Dumb's coming. The dumb army. The dumb army's on their way. Maybe take a weekend in Sedona. Pop up, you know, it's 100 degrees. Get out of, you know, the capital of dumb and. And get away from Country Thunder this weekend. I know, I know. I'll get the emails. You get the hottest chicks. Right? Right. And they like country music and they sleep with guys who like country music. So what does that make them? That makes them dumb some intolerably so. Anyway, enjoy it. I don't even know who's playing Country Thunder.

[Byron]

Keith Urban, I know, is one of them because I heard it on the news this morning.

[John Holmberg]

Somebody named Lucas. Somebody named Cole. Billy. There'll be a Cole. Yeah, there'll be a Billy in there. He's a new kid. Yeah, Billy's coming up next, kids. And don't forget to, you know, wipe after you poop, because most of you stupid and forget the basics.

[Byron]

Imagine the rust butts out there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Doing a quick reminder to the crowd out there, don't stop breathing. That's something that you should be doing involuntarily. But you're so stupid, you might. You might just quit one or two.

[Brett]

Bands with the boys in it, like the Cabin Boys.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, I see what you're saying. Yeah. Like literally gender boys in it. You mean the name? Yeah, yeah, the Cabin Boys. I'm not sure if that's it or not, but Chris Elliott's Cabin Boys will be out there. It'll be fun. Yeah, they Narcan. They use Narcan out it. I didn't know this. They use. My cop told me this. They. They use Narcan all the time. And I'm like, is there a heroin and Fentanyl problem? Country Thunder? He goes, no, they're just so stupid sometimes. They forget to breathe and their body has to be reminded. And Narcan wakes him back up. Yeah, it's. It's. It's a dumb. It's a dumb person's world out there. So enjoy it and enjoy our city. God, it's so Welcoming to have all those stupid people heading east. And maybe they'll get confused at the end of Country Thunder because they'll be dumbed down by the music. I mean, it's hours and hours of stupid, right? Injected.

[Byron]

Days of it, actually.

[John Holmberg]

Hours of stupid injected into your ears. Maybe they'll get confused and when they head home, they'll just keep going east and they'll end up in Albuquerque and it'll all be over. As we call the Smart Herd and get rid of them all.

[Byron]

Don't look like when we left.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, wait a second. I don't. I don't remember passing this mountain.

[Brett]

Darn it.

[John Holmberg]

Is that Spook Hill? There's the Winnebago. Which one is Spook Hill? That's the one I most reference when I'm in town. It speaks to me.

[Brett]

Anyway, no boys on the.

[John Holmberg]

There's no boys on the thing.

[Brett]

Riley Green. Keith Urban.

[John Holmberg]

That upsets me.

[Brett]

Brady Tucker Wetmore.

[John Holmberg]

Born to do it. That's like naming your kid Jeeves or Rochester. He's had a future.

[Brett]

Hardy.

[John Holmberg]

Hardy's gonna be out there. Hardy sometimes jumps into our world and I'm not happy about it.

[Brett]

Dylan Carmichael. Ashley McBride.

[John Holmberg]

Is there a coal on there? Somewh. Got to be a Cole. Usually there's a Ashley cook.

[Brett]

Sarah Evans.

[John Holmberg]

27 year old kid named Cole.

[Brett]

Kentucky Headhunters.

[John Holmberg]

That's a good. Yeah, that's almost your cabin boys. Nice horse, that. You know what? In fairness, Brady, there isn't a nice horse band. The guy making the poster was so dumb by the names of country music people by then he heard someone say nice horse and he just included it on the list. It's not a real band. Nice horse isn't a thing. Nice horse. How you doing, folks? It's. What is this here? The cabin boys. I haven't heard them. The cabin boy. Hey, Mama, Mama, take my wee wee out your mouth and answer this here questions. This here the cabin boy. I know you're not my mama. You my sister and my mama. But I prefer to just be my mama.

[Brett]

I love their song. What's in the cupboard?

[John Holmberg]

Hey, Mama, Mama, take your finger out in the bottom and answer me this question here. Who sings that song? Now then, what's for dinner? We got that song called what's for Dinner. Who says? Is that the same band that sings that Dinner's Cooking on the Engine? Whose truck is this? Who sings that song? Whose truck is this? Hey, hey, who sings that song over there? Mama says, why's my dog limping? Uh oh, I forgot to breathe for a second. Idiots.

[Byron]

It's gonna be 10,000 dales out there running around like crazy.

[John Holmberg]

You make fun of these country music people, and nobody's gonna call. That's a thing. Nobody's gonna. That's the one thing about country music. It's like making fun of the deaf on the radio. They ain't hearing it. Country music fans, you can make fun of them like crazy, and they're too stupid to like. I call all your advertisms. You what? I'm gonna call you advertiser. I'm gonna call for your head. All right, give me a list of advertisements. No, you got to write that down. Oh, we had an impasse. This will. I see what you're doing here. You're building a big wall. You expect me to listen to the advertisms and write it down? I'm sorry. I am not Neil degrasse Einstein. I can't do all that. Can't wait. I will say Keith Urban plays the hell out of a guitar. It's unfortunately what he makes it sound like his country songs, and that's just awful. Yet again, I give you this. Copenhagen. If this. If this play. You'd see people dancing instead of throwing fruit, which was the appropriate response. Terrible. Anyway, I have. I have been having. Well, I went back and forth for a second. This is one of my favorite moments. I got a text yesterday. It said, brady was here when I did this. It was pretty fun. Said, hello, Chuck. Like, oh, somebody's on the wrong page. Says, hope all is well on your end. It's been a long, long time since I met you at New York. I will be in Tucson. Yeah, I will be in Tucson from April 15th to the 17th. It would be great to catch up if you're available. Best wishes, Toto. Like the band or the dog. And so I waited on it a little bit, and I just text back, word, Toto. Taking a chance there. So I thought you forgot about old Chuck. I said, never ever said toto. So I respond with, how you doing? I'm see how far we can take Toto. I'm gonna ride this out, get a.

[Brett]

Better feel for it.

[John Holmberg]

Let's see, what. Then I realized right then and there when I said, how you doing to toto, that toto is probably older. Because Toto's next response was, let me call you. And only old people and weirdos want to call, right? I said, let me call you. Was that okay? And I said, ah, not a good time. I'm in the middle of some nonsense. Let's connect later. And then I waited like four minutes and then I fired off the next one that said, send me a picture of those beautiful. And then Toto didn't respond to that, said, okay, no problem. I canceled my trip. It's too hot for me. Which is ancient. This person is. Wants to talk on the phone. They're canceling vacations because it's 98.

[Brett]

They're coming from England or something.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So the next year, it's New Jersey. I looked up the number so out there in New York. So, okay. Canceled the trip for now. Too hot for me. So I put a question mark and resent the send me a picture of those beautiful. And then just got the last one I got. Was. Is this Chuck? Yes. Why would you think it wasn't. You know, it's rough. You know about my surgery, right? And then I scrapped the whole thing. I think I hit somebody with a double mastectomy.

[Brett]

It's not tech. It's not Chuck.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. Didn't see that curve ball coming. I thought I was going to get a picture of somebody's old cans. I love playing with wrong numbers. But that one was like, oh, Johnny, abort. You know about my surgery. I can only assume the surgery. I have half a mind to ask, but this could get depressing quickly. So Chuck and Toto are off my list as games to play man. Now.

[Brett]

Intriguing. Toto.

[John Holmberg]

Part of me wants to say, I know about it. I meant before picks. That was my. My.

[Byron]

Do it. What do you gotta lose? What do you gotta lose? You know what?

[John Holmberg]

You're not wrong. I'll think about it. You know about my surgery, right? No. And I gotta figure Chuck and Toto aren't that good of friends.

[Brett]

It'd be funny that that guy picks it up like this dude's.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

First he's on to you.

[John Holmberg]

Hilarious.

[Larry McFeely]

It's Larry McFeely. And whether you're tearing up desert trails in a Tacoma, towing your toys with a tough tundra, or exploring the back roads in the all new 4Runner, your Toyota is built to go the distance. Now, obviously, our roads and weather can be brutal. That's why keeping your Toyota in top shape is key. Trust only genuine Toyota technicians with genuine Toyota parts. From oil changes to full checkups, your valley Toyota dealer has got you covered. So before you hit the trail, hit the service bay, visit your Valley toyota dealer or valleytoyotadealers.com Summer starts here. Toyota. Let's go places.

[Byron]

Hey, Byron. I was [e-mail]'s website. You have Everything. And the prices are incredible.

[F]

Yes, sir. Mmpguns.com has over 400,000 products for sale daily. Everything from firearms, ammunition, accessories, optics, clothing, decoys, and more. The best part is, if you see it on our website, it's in stock and ready to ship.

[Byron]

Wait, there's no backorders?

[F]

Nope. We work with all our distributors, so what you see on our site is what's actually available. Available. We ship all over the country, so we're not just for Arizonans anymore. If the firearm you want is legal in your state, we can get it to a dealer for you to pick up.

[Byron]

Sounds simple. That's why I always go to MMP Guns.

[John Holmberg]

Dot comberg's morning sickness. First and foremost, people from Tom's River, New Jersey, don't do casual, random hookups in Tucson years ago. Hang on to the number and then reach out when they're going back to Tucson. Second, somebody from Tom's river, New Jersey, doesn't fly to Tucson for business. This is not a. This is not a developed relationship.

[Brett]

It is a little weekend shuffle, though.

[Byron]

Sleepless in Tucson.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you don't. Yeah. You don't go. Yeah. Both of those are right. Like, you got some sort of a. You're pining for someone in Tucson. That means you got to visit them, and that's horrible. And you're right if the fort you don't fly from Jersey to. Nothing is happening in Tucson that requires anything more than a zoom call. You need two days to what, survey Tucson? I'll tell you about it. It's dirt. So you get two days worth of Tucson surveillance, you know, to build your New Jersey empire in Tucson. That's unless it's one of Brett's people, because they go from Jersey to Tucson a lot, but they don't reach out and try to connect to people who are familiar with them. They have to start all over most of the time with new names and stuff.

[Byron]

You know, you're thinking the surgery is a mastectomy. It could be something much larger.

[John Holmberg]

Swaparoo.

[Byron]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Send me pics of that.

[Byron]

Then you're gonna see a big crank coming across your screen.

[John Holmberg]

I don't have those anymore, but I did get one of these.

[Brett]

Here's what's changed.

[John Holmberg]

Send me that, then. And I was telling Larry about it yesterday, and he goes, well, Toto is a very Jersey, Long island thing for people named Tony. All right? And then it started wondering where that came. Well, Jersey and Toto. And so then I started thinking, well, this could be a mob thing. Tucson, New Jersey. Haven't seen you for a while. Can I call you? I also. Yeah, so I'll keep my eyes on that. I'll keep you up to date. I kept checking my phone. It's like, come on, Toto. But Toto didn't respond back for about two hours with the. You know about my surgery.

[Brady]

Right.

[Byron]

Busy, you know.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So I.

[Byron]

There was a post op.

[John Holmberg]

I'm going to. Going to delete that now.

[Byron]

Poor Toto.

[John Holmberg]

Just to get it. The temptation must. I have to. I'm not as strong as the. A couple drinks later and I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna text Toto all night. But it is fun. I also discovered how to. I have won. You know, you got this tariff battle between China and the United States, and it's One stubborn guy versus another stubborn guy going, 125. Take that. I see that. And raise you 145% on the tariffs. And China says, too rich for my blood. You're a stubborn son of a bitch. You. We're back and forth with it.

[Brett]

No more grain for you.

[John Holmberg]

This reminds me of my relationship with TV's Doug Hopkins and his inability to be a text guy and my inability to be a phone guy. I'd say we're running even 50, 50 when we talk. Sometimes my texting way wins, and a lot of the times Doug's phone way wins. Now Doug has the unbelievable ability, and I think he might have cameras in my house of calling me every time I'm having a poo. It's amazing. And I just send him a picture of my pants around my ankles going, you've done it again. It's unreal. I found a way for people like me to thwart phone people who are a dying breed and just will not let go. Stop calling people. Nobody likes it while they're talking to you. And I'm. I'm revealing my trick because Doug said I finally won. He said you finally won? Well, because he called yesterday a couple times and we were talking about his friend with one leg. His friend with one leg's here until Saturday. And God damn it if he didn't talk me into going to a son's game again because his one legged friend got a new leg. And I said, tell him to bring the old leg tonight and we'll drink out of it before he gets rid of it. So we're taking an old prosthetic leg as a chalice cup and we'll decorate it and do all that. So, like, all right. I kind of have to be there for that. So we're talking about that. So then the conversation starts to go different directions, and I'm like, all right, that's enough on the phone. But Doug doesn't like that. So I just start hitting intermittently the mute button while I'm talking. So I'll hit it and then turn it on and turn it off. So it's basically cutting in. Yeah, it's basically like, so Doug. And they're thinking it's gonna have to. And I was just. Don't even know if it's next week's the. And if you want to bring the cup that I hate your house, like, what? What are you talking about?

[Byron]

Tell him to buy it then.

[John Holmberg]

What are you talking about? Your house. Every time I call you, I can't understand you. Like, Doug. I don't know. It must. Your phone. Oh, my God. Why are you doing this? That's it. You win. You win the battle. I'm like, what? You win. I'm a text guy now. I have won the Stop calling me. We can text this battle. It's brilliant.

[Byron]

Gave him Toto's number that he wants to talk on the phone, too.

[Brett]

Oh, I got a new number.

[John Holmberg]

I got a new number, and I go by Toto on this line. Oh, I've won it, though. But if you've got a friend who wants to talk. This mute button is gold over. It just sits right in front of you. If your thumb hits it, you're gone. Comes back. It sounds like you're cutting out the whole time. I can't hear a word you're saying. I'll call you back. Click. And you're like, ah. And it's been going on for a while, and he just thinks that my house is bad, that my phone doesn't have. It's the most brilliant thing I've ever come up with in my life. And now I've turned him. I turned that hardened stone man into a text person of the 21st century. It has worked. And you're welcome to all other people called by Doug. I love a conversation with Doug, but not on the phone. I don't like the phone. That's why text was invented and took off like wildfire. It's the better way. Am I wrong? Could you imagine if we called each other as often as we text just to tell each other these stupid jokes or describe a picture of a. I.

[Byron]

Don'T got time for that.

[John Holmberg]

Like, Brady's thing yesterday of the mentally challenged, crippled Jewish gay kid? Yeah, Brady sent that out yesterday. Hilarious. But if we had to like, hey, guys and get on the phone together. We drive each other nuts. Texting is a nice way to just reach over and go, hey, Brett, look. And then it's over. So I'm quite proud of my fake bad reception scam that I'm running. And it is awesome. I'm gonna do it all the time. Highly recommend it to you deadbeats. Although most of you are heading out to Country Thunder of doing that exact thing to those people who call you for bills.

[Byron]

They have mute buttons on flip phones.

[John Holmberg]

That's a good point. That's a good point. Yeah. All right. You might be stymied if you've got the flip phone. You might end up just making beeps. And if you, if you've got an iPhone, do that. Do the mute thing. Do it.

[Brett]

I don't know if they have them on jitterbugs either.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you, I mean, it's tough to do, but I mean, think about it.

[Brett]

They're calling, you have a jitterbug. You're.

[John Holmberg]

Think about it.

[Brett]

Good with talking.

[John Holmberg]

Paula is a 9, our 94 year old friend, and she's a wonderful person, but she, she can't text. She just refuses to do it. And when you get on the phone, Paula stays on the phone like 1970s style. She wants to be on there for hours and talk about nothing. Sometimes it goes on so long she repeats stories from earlier in the conversation. If you just started mutant knocking it out and said, oh, that's what Paul. I just have. I mean, if you wanted to come, we'll be over. If you want. I. I can't hear you. I can't hear you. We'll call back. Oh, that's a shame. I have bad next time. Okay. And then it's over. It's the best invention ever. And you're welcome. I'm gonna call it the Holy. The muted Holmbird. I like that and so would a lot of people in the city, but I like calling it that. The Muted Holmberg. A wonderful thing I'm very proud of. So use it in your best health and enjoy it. And we will, eventually. It's the PlayStation Xbox battle. That's what I think. Phone call versus text. There's still people hanging on to that still. Does your dad call? Your dad text? Yeah, my dad's into emojis now.

[Byron]

Mine too.

[John Holmberg]

He's nuts about him.

[Byron]

Here comes the thumbs up again.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I got thumbs up. He. This was a good one. My dad and I have some investments together and he's. He's the one who keeps track of, like, the news about it. Like, he's just. I like to ignore that stuff and just see where it goes. He's like, day to day, following our little buy in. He calls and he goes, man, the CEO of this company was just on with this guy. And they work back and forth. If this thing hits. Eggplant water squirt. I'm like, okay, yeah, if we make some money. The last thing I need to think about is your old ass busting one out. Thrilled that his investment with his boy, you know, he knew you would enjoy that. I thought it was funny, but not from him, you know? You don't want to ever hear that. Hey, Brady. Torpa. Hey. That thing we put some money into. Swear to God, if that thing hits, I'm gonna all over myself. You don't want to hear that on the phone. But that's essentially.

[Brett]

He didn't quite make the emojis, right?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it was good.

[Brett]

Very close.

[John Holmberg]

I'm glad he's not here to see that. And so with you. But I, I, yeah, I mean, it would be the equivalent of calling your son going, oh, my God, I'm gonna. All over the place, like, jesus, dad, he threw. He threw the eggplant squirt. And I'm like, well, hey, what do you know that for? Who else are you sending that to?

[Byron]

Ayella taught me that.

[John Holmberg]

Ayala and I, we worked that back and forth all the time. Stop sending that to people. It's gross. You're too old for that. Yeah, my dad's bigger, but he's not a caller. If he does get on the phone with you, you're staying for a while. But not anymore. Not my dad's. Both. Not with the muted homework. Use the muted homebird.

[Byron]

I'm gonna try it.

[Brett]

Yeah, I talked to Bunny yesterday.

[John Holmberg]

Use the.

[Brett]

I don't have a. You know, I don't talk to her all that often, so.

[John Holmberg]

What? Yeah, the phone is good for three or four minutes. Old people will stay on there. Those moments where it's like, yeah, do you remember. Do you remember Old Swede down the road? Yeah, Mom. Oh, right. Yeah. Those pauses, they're unafraid of dead air.

[Brett]

Mine would just be Old Swede. You remember him? Yes.

[John Holmberg]

He's dead. John Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Larry McFeely]

Spring is in full swing now, and summer is right around the corner. Hey, it's Larry McFeely. And there's no better time to hit the trails, the lakes, and those wide open desert roads in a brand new Toyota. Whether you're hauling Gear to Roosevelt Lake and the powerful Toyota Tundra. Navigating rocky trails in the rugged Tacoma or exploring Sedona in the all new 4Runner. Toyota's got the muscle and comfort to match your most excellent adventures. Head to your Valley toyota dealer or valleytoyotadealers.com today and gear up for summer in a ride that's built for the heat and the adventures. Summer starts here. Toyota. Let's go places.

[Byron]

Hey, Byron. I heard you have something new to announce from MMP Guns.

[F]

Brett. I sure do. It's M and P Guns Customs. M and P Guns is creating some amazing firearms. We offer polishing, plating, bluing, custom laser engraving, laser stippling, cerakoting and performance upgrades. We do everything in house with our master trained craftsmen. You can select our designs or make up your own.

[Byron]

Well, can you do this to my gun?

[F]

We can new it to nearly any firearm. Doesn't matter where you live, you can ship it to us or we already have completed firearms in inventory daily with no wait.

[Byron]

Well, there you have it. MMP Guns on the northeast corner of 12th street and Indian School or online at MMP gunscustoms.com It's John Holmberg here.

[John Holmberg]

Time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of My Home Group and doughotkins.com TV's Doug Hopkins. He has built and established his brand and company in a way that just has no competition. Doug's been here for a long time. He set the Standard for over 25 years and he just keeps getting better. And that said, if you want to sell your house for cash to Doug as is, he'll make you that offer. Start the process online. Doughns.com or listen to the Doug Hopkins Singers. Call Doug Hopkins 1-800-sale now. Holberg's Morning Sickness. But the. But there's those moments. Well, anyway, and you're like, oh, good, it's ending. Oh, I forgot to tell you. I was at the bank the other day. Oh, for sake. She's got.

[Brett]

She did have something. You know, her car.

[John Holmberg]

It's a bad story. I can tell you already. Yes.

[Brett]

Started. You know, the push button.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

To start the car wasn't working. She got back from Europe, picks her car up, it's not starting. So then the guy comes over and they place a bad new battery in the fob. Nothing happens. Now they close the door. Car starts up. Chrysler won't go into gear. But it starts, opens the door. One guy, the tow truck guy figures out, open the door. Now it goes into gear.

[John Holmberg]

Brady, I wanted to mute you through the whole thing. This is what he's talking about on the phone. It's a. It's probably a Chrysler product.

[Byron]

Bunny's muting him.

[John Holmberg]

Do you know why that. Okay, but the Chrysler. And kind of helped invent that because of that guy from Star Trek got run over by his own car with the door open. So they have a. Like, my Jeep won't do that. It won't go in if the door's open.

[Brett]

Well, it does go into here. Only when the door is open.

[John Holmberg]

Only when it's open. Oh, that's reversed.

[Brett]

It's the reverse.

[John Holmberg]

So either way. All right, well, I'll call you back. We'll talk some other time. Sorry, your story is. But I have a. And I wanted to. But I can't hear you.

[Brett]

Well, basically, it was like. Well, just take it to the dealership.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, this. That's not an important talk story ending anytime soon. Yeah, see, that's it. That. Brett's right. Well, thanks for sharing. I really would love to. It's just a thing. All right. If you're okay with another story. I can't hear you. Oh, what a story. Well, anyway, we'll try. I guess it's my response. Another. It's okay. Are you doing the muted Holmberg? Text me. Those are those moments when I get.

[Brett]

From Triple A's here.

[John Holmberg]

If I hear the word the guy from Triple A and someone's on the phone, I'll let you go. Oh, I have a story. If. If you have a story about the guy from AAA that doesn't include a murder or an assault, I'm not interested. Because most times, a guy changing a tire, it was good he was there.

[Brett]

I'm like, all right, I'll let you handle this.

[John Holmberg]

Right. You've got to go now. So did I tell you about how my car starts funny? Oh, Christ, no. How long's this gonna last? You don't need to tell me that. So as the doors open and the car started like, oh, Jesus, Nathan Sutherland's girlfriend starting to look real good right now.

[Byron]

You got a friend. Like, when you actually do talk to him on the phone, you gotta plan your escape ahead of time. I got one. If I want to get off the phone, I got to start about 20 minutes ahead of time because it's like, no, wait. I'm like, what now? Remember that chick we went to high school with? No, I don't.

[John Holmberg]

I don't want to talk about that. Muted Holmberg from now on. To the muted Holmberg. Damn it. It's a dance craze. It's. It's crushing the nation. The muted Holmberg. Do it to your parents. To anybody that still thinks talking on the phone is something we need to do, we don't text me. And if it's super big and you're like, I can't text all this. I need two minutes of your time. Can I call? That's. That's acceptable.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Not just catch up story time, but you're on the clock. You heard what Brady had to go through aaa. Stories about his mom's ignition.

[Brett]

That's not any car stories.

[John Holmberg]

You know, you didn't need to share that.

[Brett]

Where's your car? It's carjack now.

[John Holmberg]

There's.

[Brett]

That was the last one.

[John Holmberg]

Text me I've been carjacked. Ellipsis. And maybe I'll call you. But if it turns out to be. I thought I was carjacked. It's like one of those ads. It's clickbait. I'm gonna start doing the muted on your. And you will not have. That's the way it works. The muted Holmberg. It is. Turned a stone, man. Like Doug Hopkins. You got two minutes into a texter, and maybe that's it. Maybe we just go and, you know, we put a clock on it. We play you off, you know, in the middle of your. That's another thing we should do. That would be a great idea. Right in the middle of. Of Doug talking and stuff. He's got. He's got this going on. So the band's playing. Doug, he said, Let me just finish this part. You got a few seconds before we're gonna have to go to commercial. Anyway, I was just. So I wanted to tell you Sam came over the house. Oh, Christ. I've been played off. I'm being. Thanks for joining us, Doug. We'll be right back, everybody.

[Byron]

It's like the Oscar speeches.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they gotta play them off. You have your little orchestra playing them off. All right, Doug, what's your story? Well, anyway, I just wanted to put the pressure on him to get to the point. So Joy told me that there was a. The guy with one leg. And this is making it really hard for me to.

[Brett]

Let's go.

[John Holmberg]

Drink it. Damn it. I'm gonna check the sunscape. I'm playing them off. Play people off. The muted Holmberg. It's a good move. It's a great move. In fact, one of my proudest moments. Get on that. This one says, I use your muted homburg on sales calls. My wife and anyone who annoys me. Been doing It. For years, technically, every time your wife calls, it's probably sort of a sales call. Really no reason for a husband and wife to talk on the phone at all, ever. Something terrible has to happen for that to be a thing.

[Byron]

I just seen you when I left the house.

[John Holmberg]

How much do you need to communicate with me? Quit it. Text me. We. We speak in short bursts, for Christ's sake. We text when I'm sitting next to you. Sometimes. Yeah. I've actually got. You know, until I kind of perfected the muted home bird. And what I really like to do on sales calls, too, is in a room, you know, I'm talking to somebody and be like, so, you know, sometimes you have to be on the phone with someone. I'll hit the mute button and I'll just. I'll say, so how long do I have with that mute button? And then I just fire off a C bomb as loud as I can, and I hit it again. And everyone in the room's like, oh, my God. Did you just call your insurance agent? I did, but they didn't hear it.

[Brett]

I want to know how often it works for someone. Like, I got a call the other day. I've got before, where they go, is this Keith? No. Well, do you have a property you want to sell?

[John Holmberg]

He doesn't care. Yeah, that's. That's his script. Everyone he calls is, Is this Keith? We'll start with is this Keith? It confuses people.

[Brett]

Oh, I'm sorry. Well, do you have a property you want to sell?

[John Holmberg]

Well, I always. You've heard me do it when I get a call and they're like, hi, is this John? Like, no, we're looking for him. Who's this? I work for a roofing company. I'm standing over a body here in this house. We were doing some work. I don't know what this guy. There's blood everywhere. Who are you? Are you friends with him? Yeah. And they hang up immediately. You're not gonna get me roofers.

[Brett]

It's just. It's tough because some. You know, I was waiting for a call to schedule something, but you don't know that number text that's coming in, so you have to answer a couple calls. Is this the number that schedule your appointment?

[John Holmberg]

No, you don't have to. You wait for them to leave a message, and you call at your own leisure or you text. I'm doing all this work with turf monsters, and Ryan is the main guy. He's a text guy. I love him for it. We text. Short burst texts. It's great. He's fantastic. And he's running the show in short verse text. We don't have to call each other for five seconds.

[Byron]

Next time they want to know if you got an address to sell, just tell me. 1100 north of 52nd Street, Phoenix. That's my address.

[John Holmberg]

My name's Keith, but I go by Trip. Just ask for Trip. And you know what? I'm gonna play hardball, but I'll take the lowest offer you've got.

[Byron]

That's a trip getting that call.

[Brett]

How big is it?

[Byron]

I'm back.

[John Holmberg]

I think probably about 12 or 13,000 square feet. You're gonna have a field day.

[Brett]

It's a nice.

[John Holmberg]

It's great as long as it's not raining. This is a really nice place.

[Brett]

Ranch or two story.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, let's be honest, Noah's Ark was a little more water sound than.

[Brett]

This thing is, but how many bathrooms? Well, working five at work.

[John Holmberg]

Visually. Visually, there's a lot of bathrooms. There's options everywhere, you know, functionality. You got two, you got two bathrooms. It's a 40 bed, two bath house. We would love to get rid of it. It's beautiful. I mean, it is gorgeous, but it's Saddam's palace. It was built by Iraqi contractors during the war.

[Brett]

Kitchen. Yes. No range.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, there's no stove. Nice kitchen, though. The views are great. Again, so long as it's not raining because then those windows just. There's more water inside than outside. We've actually had it. Hail in the building. So I, you know, but I mean, we only have to deal with that 12 times a year anyway. Muted Holmberg. That's today's lesson for all of you. Run it this weekend. And you calling people. I'm basically the Oppenheimer of talking on the phone right now. I just invented the nuclear bomb that will break down the staunch. Not letting go of the phone call friend that everybody's got. That's the one. The calls without warning. No, text first. Hey, I need to talk to you. Can I call? As long as it's not about AAA or the road or your drive to work. No, it's important. All right, I got two minutes and then you put them on the clock the second they call. All right. Go nuts. All right, so this weekend I was going to have a party over at the house. Joy was saying that your friend over there at Eric's family barbecue. To the point, dog, you're running out of time. Can you call Eric from. Can you call Anthony and get some. God damn it. I'll see you at the Sidescape, all of that.

[Brett]

You wanted to borrow cooler?

[John Holmberg]

I heard you had a new generator. Here we go. Yep. Go ahead. Hit me. Well, I got this problem in the kitchen. Lot of information. Anyway, something's not running right, so I need to generate. God damn it. Borrow your generator? Yes, you can borrow my generator. Is that all? Well, there's one other thing. Oh, I'm sorry. You're going to have to win another reward. Play him off.

[Byron]

I'll see you at the Moose.

[John Holmberg]

I'll see it. To Moose. Damn it. I call homework all the time. He does the muted homburg and then he plays me off with the Blue Danube. I have won the battle. I feel like I should. It's very Trumpian for me. I knew they'd break. The negotiations took a while, but in the end, we all win. Doug doesn't call people anymore. He texts like a human being. It's great, right? Let's get a wake up song for everyone on this happy day. 585 9, 800 and we'll scream it together. It's 98. KUPD. Wake up.

[Brett]

Hey, it's not weird.

[John Holmberg]

It's pretty cool actually.

[Brett]

No membership fee.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this.

[G]

It stick to little for FanDuel, America's number one sports book right now. With FanDuel you can make the smarter play with performance trends. You can get the latest stats right inside the app and see who's heating up. Get started today by visiting FanDuel.com KUPD and you'll get started with 200 in bonus bets guaranteed when you place your first five dollar bet. Make every moment more with FanDuel, official sports betting partner of the NBA 21 plus and President Arizona first online real money wager only. Five dollar first deposit required. Bonus issue does not withdrawal. Bonus bets that expire seven days after receipt restrictions apply. See terms of sportsbook.fanduel.com gambling problem. Call 1-800-next-step or text NEXT STEP to 53342.

[H]

Are you looking for your next career opportunity? Interested in a position at one of the most state of the art steel mills in the world? CMC is hiring immediately at CMC Steel Arizona in Mesa. Open positions include electrical engineers, automation specialists, industrial electricians and industrial mechanics. Join the next generation of steel makers and help keep our electrical operators and machinery running smoothly here at CMC Steel Arizona in Mesa. To get started, visit jobs cmc.com CMC is an equal opportunity employer.