04-24-25 - FULL SHOW - THURSDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode: April 24, 2025

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1. The Curious Case of John’s Ass Bites [03:00 - 07:24]

The episode kicks off with host John Holmberg sharing a personal and somewhat bizarre health concern. John reveals that he has developed unusual swellings on his ass, initially mistaking them for mosquito bites. He describes the situation with vivid detail:

John Holmberg [04:23]: "Big bite on my ass. It looks like yesterday it looked like a nipple. My ass... It is still reddish being ingrown."

John expresses his confusion and concern, debating whether it's a typical bite or something more serious like an MRSA (staph) infection. He seeks input from his co-hosts and listeners, humorously contemplating various causes, including spider bites and potential infections.

2. Analyzing the Symptoms: MRSA vs. Other Causes [07:24 - 21:07]

The conversation delves deeper into diagnosing the mysterious bites. Co-host Brady Bogan suggests possible medical explanations:

Brady Bogan [04:15]: "Did you look up brown recluse?"

John dismisses the brown recluse spider hypothesis, noting the absence of typical symptoms. The discussion humorously veers into exaggerated theories, including AIDS sores and even the suggestion of a second nose growing from his ass. The team debates the likelihood of various infections and bites, maintaining a light-hearted tone despite the odd predicament.

3. Audience and Community Engagement [21:07 - 38:19]

John encourages listeners to participate by sharing their own experiences with similar issues. He mentions plans to post pictures on social media for community input, fostering a sense of camaraderie and shared humor among listeners.

John Holmberg [11:25]: "We need some sleuths, some medical people who can do this."

The co-hosts riff on the idea of involving friends and even hypothetical scenarios where someone would "suck the poison" out of his wound, adding to the comedic element of the segment.

4. NFL Draft Predictions and Sports Banter [38:19 - 58:39]

Transitioning from the humorous health talk, the podcast shifts focus to the NFL Draft. The hosts discuss various prospects, draft strategies, and potential surprises, injecting their signature humor into the sports commentary.

John Holmberg [43:29]: "This is the exact same damn thing that we fought 200 years to get rid of, and now we celebrate it."

They speculate on how high-profile players like Aaron Rodgers might influence the draft's outcome, comparing the current process to historical events and pop culture references. The discussion highlights the absurdity and spectacle of modern draft ceremonies.

5. Listener Fun and Interactive Segments [58:39 - 85:48]

Engaging listeners further, the hosts introduce interactive games and giveaways. One notable segment involves guessing the price of a food order, with participants vying for a chance to win $5,000.

John Holmberg [125:20]: "All you got to do is guess a price. It's as simple as that."

The playful competition adds an entertaining layer to the show, encouraging active listener participation and investment in the podcast's community.

6. Offbeat Topics: Cultural Festivals and Comedy Shows [85:48 - 114:59]

The conversation takes a detour into discussing unique cultural festivals, such as the Manini Festival in Indonesia, where families honor deceased loved ones by exhuming and parading their dressed-up ancestors. The hosts humorously critique and misunderstand aspects of these traditions.

Additionally, they promote local comedy events, emphasizing the show's role in fostering community entertainment.

John Holmberg [119:06]: "It's called the Manini Festival. Every few years, families lovingly exhume the bodies of their deceased loved ones and dress them up and hang out with them for the afternoon."

7. Concluding Remarks: Ongoing Challenges and Lighthearted Closure [114:59 - End]

As the episode winds down, the hosts reflect on their discussions with a mix of humor and camaraderie. John reiterates the importance of sharing personal stories and maintaining a supportive community, even when tackling the most absurd topics.

John Holmberg [147:45]: "Fix the world the best of your ability."

The episode concludes on a humorous note, with playful banter about upcoming events and ongoing personal anecdotes, leaving listeners entertained and engaged.

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Notable Quotes:

• John Holmberg [04:23]: "Big bite on my ass... It looks like a really nice boob."
• Brady Bogan [04:15]: "Did you look up brown recluse?"
• John Holmberg [11:25]: "We need some sleuths, some medical people who can do this."
• John Holmberg [43:29]: "This is the exact same damn thing that we fought 200 years to get rid of, and now we celebrate it."
• John Holmberg [125:20]: "All you got to do is guess a price. It's as simple as that."
• John Holmberg [147:45]: "Fix the world the best of your ability."

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Conclusion

This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness masterfully blends personal anecdotes, health humor, sports commentary, and community interaction. Through its irreverent and humorous approach, the show engages listeners in a wide array of topics, making it a unique and entertaining morning ritual for Arizona's number one morning radio audience.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

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[Dick Toledo]

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[Larry McFeely]

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[John Holmberg]

It's John Holmberg here from the morning sickness for lifechangerloan.com I got this email. Dearest Holmberg, I don't have $10 million in my house or a ridiculous amount of money in the bank. And I'm sure when you're talking about Life Changer Loan, you're not talking about people like me. So before I even think about it, can you enlighten me? It's not a rich person's money scheme that excludes normal people. Actually, you're going to end up paying off your mortgage in about five years and save on average about 250,000 dol. $50,000 in interest. Find out how for yourself. Schedule a [e-mail] it's not magic, it's just math. Come on down to the Ranch House Grill. Comfort food is your next meal. Pork chili verde chicken fried steak. Ranch House knows you'll think it's great. Are you ready for the best breakfast In Phoenix, Ranch House Grill has been voted best breakfast four years in a row. We're famous for our chicken fried steak, pork chili verde and large portions. Located in the heart of Arcadia. Join us for breakfast or lunch seven days a week, 6am to 2pm We're a family restaurant with a small town atmosphere serving southwestern comfort food. For. Come on down to the Ranch House Grill for the best breakfast in Phoenix at 56th street and Thomas Road. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself.

He's evil sitting right here.

Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude to evil.

[Brady Bogan]

Peter.

[John Holmberg]

Good morning everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Thursday. It is 5:45. This is the morning sickness. My name's John Holmberg. There's Brady Bogan, there's Brett Vesli, and there's big Dick Toledo. That rounds it out. Here we are here. Another glorious day here in paradise. Again, I implore you to get outside and just stand in it. It's perfect. You know when you get in a pool and it's perfect weather, that's our current air condition. Get outside and just be in this. It is amazing. I don't know how we have any fat people in this city. Get outside and wander around.

Oh, we got them.

Well, I'm aware of that, but man, oh, man, it is just. It's perfect. I don't know how we're trapped inside at all. We got to be trapped inside from June until September. Take advantage of this. I tell you every day. You live in paradise. Look around, wander through it. It's a beautiful place to be. Show may be abbreviated today. It may not last the entire time. Not gonna lie to you. I'm a little dizzy. I have a. I have a situation developing that I think maybe there's maybe end times. And I'm going to take my pants off now and I'm going to show you guys what I'm talking about. Oh, bear with me.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, he's really doing this.

[John Holmberg]

I'm really. I'm really doing this.

[Brady Bogan]

All right, here we go. Where are we looking exactly?

[John Holmberg]

I'll show you.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

You'll know, buddy.

[Brady Bogan]

Here we go. Dizziness. Oh, okay.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's what you do.

[Brady Bogan]

A boil.

[John Holmberg]

I got bit on the ass by something. Oh, that could be because I got another one on my foot and I don't know what it is, but it is swelling up. It's like sitting on a baseball. And it. It is not. When I touch it, I get a little off.

[Brady Bogan]

You Say you're dizzy.

[John Holmberg]

I'm dizzy. I'm. I think it's that every time I'm a little off, I'm a little off. Yeah, well, it's. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Did you look up brown recluse?

[John Holmberg]

No. I have. Yeah. Brown recluse usually starts with a center hole. And it starts to go deep. There's no hole in this.

[Brady Bogan]

And then it is a quickly start.

[John Holmberg]

Big bite on my ass. And I mean big. It looks like yesterday it looked like a nipple. My ass. My. My sweet voluptuous left cheek looked like a big breast. And in the middle of it was this pink circle. I'm like, it looks like a really nice boob. If I took a picture, people would be fooled. Now you saw it. It is a massive. It's still reddish being ingrown. No, I don't have a lot of hair back there.

[Brady Bogan]

I know.

[John Holmberg]

It wouldn't take much. Those feel painful. This feels weird. And it itches. It's. It's.

[Brady Bogan]

Maybe you're asleep.

[John Holmberg]

I woke up with. I woke up with a. What I thought was a mosquito bite on my ass. I itched it. It was a day or two ago, and this morning I. When I rolled over, I hit it. I'm like, oh. And it started getting a little weird. And I got up and I'm like, is that from the thing? And I reached back. I'm like, whoa. It's four times bigger today than it was yesterday. Looked at it in the mirror and.

[Brady Bogan]

A donut won't help to sit on a dough.

[John Holmberg]

You and I both. Brady thought just maybe having a long john would fix it. That's just your mom. It's your mom's solution to everything. Brady, maybe a donut will help. No. No, it's not about. I know, I know. It's. I don't think it's about, like. I don't think it's about staying off of it. It's weird. I got another one on my ankle.

[Brady Bogan]

Same thing.

[John Holmberg]

It's not as big, but it's the same exact start. So I got a. Like a little hitman somewhere in my house or. I don't know, maybe in my car, something. I don't know. But he's taking me down twice. And if I hit this wrong, I don't feel good. Like, it's an immediate, like, shock to the system when I. When I. When I lean into it, it's like, oh. So I'm sitting forward pretty hard to stay off of that. I'm not bumping into it. Because if I hit. Hurts like, it's like a. It's nauseous.

[Brady Bogan]

And you didn't try. So it itch, but you didn't, like, try to pop it or.

[John Holmberg]

There's nothing to pop. I know the difference between a pop and a scratch. And it's just a scratch. And now it's like a. Hey, something ain't right. It's taken. It's taken a lot of life force to keep this thing alive, and it's sucking mine. My life force is now being forced into this welt, and the welt is winning. So the Welt is about 70% more alive than I am right now. Just the flesh would be. It's weird. Not a boil. People are like, it's a boil. Tell your boyfriend to use mouthwash next time, pig. And I'm like, yeah, that could be. If it was on my anus, I'd be worried. Not an abscess. I know the difference. This guy said, I've had three starts as a mosquito bite. Go to the doctor and get those pills. Also, are you vaxxed now? Let's not start that argument on whether or not the, you know, depends on what vaccine my Johnson and Johnson or my. My Moderna didn't get. No, I don't have the measles. I still have my wits about me. However I am. I am in a strange space because hitting it is now. Now I'm conscious of it. So now I'm wondering how much of it's mental that I'm like, oh, there. Oh, there's the thing. And do I get nauseous every time I bump it? It doesn't hurt. Like a boil would hurt.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. What if it was like a spider that, you know, laid eggs?

[John Holmberg]

That's there. I've been thinking about that, too. Like, he went. It's burrowed in there. It's still in there. And he's just making it like he's building a house.

[Brady Bogan]

You're the host.

[John Holmberg]

I'm. Why I can't blame him. I mean, sleeping naked with my ass up like that. It's a gift for any spider. Like, look at that beautiful mountain of man. It's. It's bad. We can take pictures and put it up on the website because last thing I'm gonna do is go to the doctor for this and this. If this is the end game. A. Hilarious. If I died of a.

[Brady Bogan]

It all started.

[John Holmberg]

His ass started to swell, and then he died. Hilarious. I'll die from that. But, yeah, we'll put it online and see if we have any people who've had. I think it's just a bite. I think I'm just having a reaction to something that bit me. I don't know what it is. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

I just gotta text me a picture of his AIDS sore.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he's got an AIDS sore. Well, that's there. I don't think I have the aid. Be getting it hard work to get the AIDS that fast. Wow, that's a pretty impressive aids and just overnight your AIDS and maybe. I don't know how AIDS works. This one says thanks a lot. Dude, some people are eating. Gross. You didn't have to look at it.

Yeah, we had to see the damn thing.

These guys are. Look my medical professionals in. Brett, do you want to come touch it? Brett? It's got an odd texture.

[Brady Bogan]

Do you must be a first time listener.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Come on, Joel. Luna. Yeah. Everybody's got to think maybe it was that purse hot dog. It's 100% AIDS. It could be. Yeah. I don't think purse hot dog gives. I had it before that, by the way. It was there two days ago. I woke up feeling like, oh, something bit me in the ass. Little itch. Tiny. Felt like a mosquito bite. And now it has. It has erupted into. You saw it. It's big. Oh, it's about size of a little. Little bigger than a silver dollar, I'd say.

[Brady Bogan]

Like a golf ball.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. I think it's a little bigger than that even. I think it would. I think you put a golf ball against it. You just see the corona around the golf. It's a little bigger, but for the most part. Yeah. The.

[Brady Bogan]

You basically have a nipple on your butt.

[John Holmberg]

It's a big nipple too. It'd be a nipple. You'd be like this. Chicks areolas are too big.

Dr. Vasquez wants to say that John situation needs to be posted on Grindr and get a twink over to suck whatever it is out of there.

Could I get a twink to suck out the poison? I'm. I'm all for that. If there's a twink out there that's willing to come down here, we'll film it. We'll put it on Facebook for as long as it lasts and you guys will get a treat out of that. Brady, would you suck out the poison?

[Brady Bogan]

I would not.

[John Holmberg]

Even if it was real and I needed that.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

As a friend. You would not suck out the poison.

[Brady Bogan]

I would know you. You wouldn't want me to.

[John Holmberg]

I would want you to.

[Brady Bogan]

Like. No, Just let it. Let it kick in.

[John Holmberg]

No, I'm Ready to go. If someone said it's. No, no, no. That's not how it is. That's not at all how it is. If I died from it, I wouldn't.

[Brady Bogan]

Care if you were dying from it. And there's a poison there I'm sucking.

[John Holmberg]

You'd suck the poison out. That's what it is. I just found out. Yeah. So you got to get over here now. Oh, it's huge. And it's weird. So I actually thought about, like, going straight to a doctor. To my.

Gonna say going straight.

Going straight. Yeah. Think about stop using this ass for evil. But, yeah, no, I'm gonna.

[Brady Bogan]

It's great help, you know, post the picture of it. Maybe some people can analyze it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we'll have somebody. Richard will take a picture of it. I'll take my pants off.

Renee wants you to. She said you should ask your. Your neighbor Dr. Troy next door.

They've had ass issues in the past. They recognize an ass problem. Got it. Ready, Rich? All right. Hi, Richard. Here we go.

The best part is this is gonna be on Toledo's cloud on his icloud.

Turn away. Wait for it. Look at that thing. Point to it. Huh?

[Brady Bogan]

Point to it.

[John Holmberg]

You think this.

How can you miss it?

People are struggling with where it is. Toledo got a point to it. Oh, you're admiring.

[Brady Bogan]

That doesn't hurt.

[John Holmberg]

It doesn't feel good. It doesn't hurt. But it.

[Brady Bogan]

Because it looks like it's almost trying to peek. Even more like it's poppable.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's not poppable. It's itchy, and it's. It's dizzying. It's a leader. We'll put it up on Facebook. And we need some.

You're welcome.

Some sleuths, some medical people who can do this. I don't go to WebMD for this because they'll just. Again, they'll tell me I've got something terrible.

[Brady Bogan]

Someone said Singapore dick slug.

[John Holmberg]

I couldn't have that. I looked that up this morning just for fun. Actually, that's how I start most of my mornings. That's my coffee. It's pictures of Singapore dick slug. Not a bad band name.

Or a gay porn star.

Gay porn star.

Why would I have Singapore?

Is that his name? Oh, a good porn star name. I thought you were, like, what? That is a good porn name. Oh, boy. We started a whole new category.

[Brady Bogan]

Dr. Dave bowl is assessing it right now.

[John Holmberg]

He's taking. Is he a real doctor?

[Brady Bogan]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Did you send it to him?

[Brady Bogan]

Not yet.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, oh, oh. He's Looking. Geez, Toledo's got it up there already. Yeah, it's not good. But I. And it's not like, you know, people say, oh, it's an infection. It's not. I know the difference between, like, an ingrown hair or an abscess or something like that. It doesn't have the qualities of, you know, those things hurt, like, when you hit them. Like, oh, it's a zinger. This. This makes me dizzy. Like I've got poison in my system. And every time I. It just. I just got something. I got something wrong with my ass. It ain't right. Based on my extensive experience with STDs, my friend, I believe you have the gay AIDS. That's not. That's not what it is. Again, one of them platinum asses. Some guy emailed Larry about how angry he is, and he's going to take it to the government about me being he's gay. And he's like, john is a homosexual. And I don't know why he's trying to tell people he's he's gay, but he's not. Will he just follow through and finish? Like, he's mad that I'm not following through. 100. Just giving my ass to any man like that. And it's like he wants to.

[Brett Vesley]

I don't.

[John Holmberg]

I don't mind being gay, but if you're going to be gay, do it so it's. You know, what does that mean that any virgin can't be gay? You're only gay once you have sex. I thought it wasn't about the sex, but he's going to go to the government, and I'm going with something about the Freedom of Information act. And he's going to take all the times I said I was gay and haven't had sex, and he's going to give it to Trump. I guess I don't know what's going to happen.

[Brady Bogan]

Executive order.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. If you say you're gay, you got to prove it. You got to do it. If you're not, if you don't take one in the. In the Sphinx, he's going to send.

[Brady Bogan]

You to the border.

[John Holmberg]

That's it. I got to deport you to Gaytopia, where you'll get railed on a regular basis and finally be the gay you say you are. I don't know that that's a thing, but he's very mad and he's been emailing Larry hilariously that you won't give.

It up to him or what?

[Brett Vesley]

I mean.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, that I Haven't that I haven't that I haven't let loose my ass on the gay community.

Well, you got that pristine ass.

Well, now I've got everybody. Now you don't want it gays. I pull my pants right now. Yeah, pull my pants down now. And it's hopefully no gay touches it because it's some sort of needs to be buffed out. Some massive outbreak on this thing of just in one spot. It's weird, John. What if they have to amputate your ass? It's the only good feature I've got. That would be the end of me. We've got to take it off. Like. I'm sorry. That's. That's pills, my friend. That's it. So anyway, I just thought I'd let you know that if this show you.

[Brady Bogan]

Weren'T carrying a pencil in the back pocket at all. Your dad has always warned you about.

[John Holmberg]

Right in your ass. That's nothing about your cheeks. He wouldn't worry about a stabbed to the cheeks. He was worried about penetration from things in your pocket. Grew up with that horrible. Take that out. Yeah, you got a pen in your pocket. You're gonna sit on the couch. It's gonna fall out of your pocket. It's gonna go right up my ass. What Huge fear. I don't know if he still has it. Huge fear of my dad's because we used to keep our pens and pencils in our back pocket at school. You got a pen and stand up. What's the matter? You got a goddamn pencil in your pocket and you're sitting on the couch. Yeah, I forgot it was there. Jesus. You know it's gonna fall out.

[Chris Porter]

It's gonna fall.

[John Holmberg]

I know it's gonna fall out and go right up your ass.

[Brady Bogan]

You'll see.

[John Holmberg]

You'll see. You'll be. When you're in. When I'm in a hospital with my ass up in the air in a sling crying. You'll see. She did this to your dad. And go right up ass. Anything cylindrical that was in your pocket could. Potch. Could potentially find its way in my dad's ass. That was. That was. If I were to say if it was like the Newlywed Game with your dad and Bob said, what would you say your father's biggest fear is? Oh, yeah. Rogue stuff crawling in his ass. Bob. That's no doubt about it. Maybe needles are a close second. But for the most part, this guy spent most of the majority of my junior high and high school years being completely concerned that my dad was gonna have Stuff in his ass against his will and not people. Not a rape. He'd handle that. He could fight a guy he can't fight a rogue pen, a Bic going right up his ass. Huge fear. And now look, his son has to deal with this. Something crawling around. I don't know when it happened. I don't know if I was asleep. I would assume so. You'd think you'd feel this. As big as this is, you think whatever fangs drove themselves into my ass.

[Brady Bogan]

That I feel like, you know, you're pulling out Bogan Via or something or a thorn or cactus or.

[John Holmberg]

I've broken down, like, all the things that could have possibly been when this happened. I do go sit outside with the dogs a lot, you know, And I'm telling you, it's the best to get the turf. You throw the turf down, you can sit on. It's never wet or muddy or any. So I'm on that a lot. But you'd think had that happened while I was awake, I'd have felt every second of it. And it's. It's. I'm not. I'm not 100%. I'm dizzy. I'm not. I've been. I'm affected. Let's just say I'm affected.

[Brady Bogan]

And on the top of the foot is the second one.

[John Holmberg]

I'm on the side of my ankle. And that one's not as bad, but it's the same exact thing. It's just not as big yet. And that means tomorrow I'll have that to look forward to. Because that one happened. That one started after this one. So it was two days ago that I felt this one and started scratching. And then one of my ankle yesterday, like, I got bit again. I don't know. I got good bug, guys. I don't have a bug issue. I look around, I. Nothing. Shake it down. I got nothing. You never know when that'll be it. And you've seen people in the news and stuff that die from weird things. I think that would be a great way for me to check out. Hilarious. Like, he's getting really sick. Like, this one lasted a while. Like, that thing on his ass turned out to be a real thing. And like, two weeks from now, I can't come to work anymore. And then. I mean, that's just funny. I have no problem with that being the end of me.

[Brady Bogan]

Let's spray some Bactine on there or something.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, this isn't gonna work.

Oh, Christ.

Yeah, let's put something that makes it squeal a little. Brett, rub up. Rub up some of that olive oil on here and see if that. Get your arm. Get your arm loose and rub it on my ass. Anyway, we'll put. We'll post the pictures. I'm sure you guys will have.

A lot of people are saying staph infection.

[Brady Bogan]

That's what I was wondering. Because you're working out.

[John Holmberg]

But that.

Three are saying.

But that stuff actually hurts.

That it gets worse with time.

So does it.

Tomorrow you might be really feeling it.

[Brady Bogan]

I can't imagine it starts out like that. Kind of.

[John Holmberg]

That's what they're saying.

Itchy like a bite.

I haven't gotten that. But they're. All the descriptions you've made so far are saying.

So they're not looking at the picture.

Not yet. I had a similar issue on my knee and I could barely walk.

Oh boy.

Went to the doctor and he had to squeeze out all the pus and dead tissue. Left a hole in my knee for a week.

I know right now.

[Brady Bogan]

And that was stat.

[John Holmberg]

This isn't an infection you can squeeze. I'm good at squeezing out stuff. I watched Dr. Pimple Popper last night. This is not something I'd go to her. There's no internal anything. But it's. I don't know. This guy says, john, it's not a bug bite. It's just a place. Your body's decided to grow more nose because your face is out of real estate. It'll continue to develop. Nostrils will be developed probably by noon today. Maybe it is a second nose that I've got because I'm out of face. Real estate.

Dr. Jason said, Better hope it don't spread to your Juno's to make it bigger than it already is.

Goes. I'd look like WC Fields for God's sake. Anyway, I thought I'd share. I thought I had friends out there. I thought I had a group of people that could, you know, empathize and potentially help. But no. Evidently it's gay. Aids. Or I've got a second nose growing off my ass. Could be that. That's staff. But there. Is there a hole in the middle of that? That first one does look a little bit like.

[Brady Bogan]

That's the open. That's the start of it. It does look.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Looks a little. Is. It is staff. Itchy and stuff. That did look like it. Interesting.

People want to know if you passed out the H and H Ranch. And was Doug anywhere in there?

We did. I did hang out with Doug, but he went home. And I was not at the H&H ranch. So, no, I did not spend any time in there. I just. I went to Copper Blues and. And hoofed it back. Nope, nope. No time with Doug in the H and H ranch. And that's up pretty high. I don't think there's bugs that go up there. I don't think you even need. That's weird, living up, like, having a high thing, a high apartment. You realize you don't really end up with bugs too much. They don't get up there. You got to bring them in. Never once, I don't think, have we had that building sprayed up.

Oh, there you go.

But I haven't. But there's no bugs up there.

[Brady Bogan]

She can get staff from food.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, boy. Now you're worried.

[Brady Bogan]

Bacteria is one of the most common causes of food poisoning.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it feels like. It feels funny. And people. It's not. Trust me. It's an ingrown hairy. For all the Mexican jokes. You think they gave me it. They've cursed me with an ingrown hair. It's not an ingrown hair.

EJ wants to know if it's monkeypox from all the gay sex you've been having.

None of you are my friends. Not a one of you. Not a damn one of you. That could be somebody trying to kill you by jabbing a needle in your sleep. Ah, I wouldn't put that past that. Megan. If she's trying to kill me. If I fall asleep in the middle of the day on the couch. I've been wondering about that for a while anyway. If I'm being poisoned, that could be. There could be some of that. This one, he wants me to. He wants the monkey to dance. Gene Simmons here. For one payment of $89, Gene Simmons will expel the poison from John's wound for an extra 9. 99. Gene Simmons will then sign his ass. Gene Simmons from kiss. And you can have it tattooed on there. I can fix this, by the way. It's a beautiful thing. Is it up?

[Chris Porter]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

Nurse practitioner on there says you need to mark the borders.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I've seen that. Where you draw a circle around it, and if it gets bigger, then you got something. But isn't that just in case it starts going towards your heart? I don't know about you. I've seen that. Because I had an old doctor tell me that when there was a bite. If it's on your chest, if it starts spreading and goes to your heart, you got trouble.

Ben said he'd come over here and.

Draw that for you. Yeah, I get People to draw in my ass. Will you make a circle around it, Brett, with a marker?

No, I'm good.

No one's my friend. I don't have any real friends. You guys just use me. He just used me for a check every two weeks and then it's off. But when I need you to draw a circle on my ass, are you there? No.

[Dick Toledo]

Nurse practitioner says, stop squeezing it.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not squeezing it, Okay? I am not.

[Dick Toledo]

It could be if it's MRSA or staff. Definitely stop squeezing.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man.

We had MRSA in the building. It's back. Nobody said anything when we had MRSA in the building. Oh, no, it was. Heather had Mercer, right? I don't remember. Somebody else. Yeah, somebody else had Monkeypox.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, that was the one.

[John Holmberg]

I don't think either one was brought up.

No, Heather told.

[Brady Bogan]

After the fact.

[John Holmberg]

No, Heather had.

That's what I'm saying.

A thing on her head. And she was sick for a week and then came to work with it and it was oozing. And I said, oh, that thing in your head. Oh, it's my mrsa. And I'm like, you need to go home. I think. I think that thing isn't done. She leaves you. She's like, I got work to do. And I'm like, yeah, we've got a life to live. Go home.

What do you expect? Hot dog mouth? Not so funny now.

You think that a hot dog causes ass welts? Depends on, I guess, what you're doing with it. Anyway. Everybody's like, you may need. These are terrible pics, but I'd mark the borders. Could be simple as a mosquito bite to an infected hair follicle. Watch for worsening of sight. Itchy MRSA infection, staph infection. Stop squeezing it. Yeah, that's the same word. I am not squeezing it. I have told you that already because.

[Dick Toledo]

You know the difference.

[John Holmberg]

Says possibly in a hurry. It sounds like you didn't clean your rust butt very well and used a rust towel heading towards the bowl and brushed it on your ass. And now rust is setting up shop. Gonna make a little village of a rust bacteria that eats away deep into your ass cheek and eventually leave a.

[Dick Toledo]

Crater if your rust goes five inches from your crack like that Dot did, right?

[John Holmberg]

If I've got more problems than anything, I'm sitting in a pile of my own feces. If my cheeks seven inches away from the exit mark. This guy said, get serious, man. I had mercen. All I can say is, get to a doctor. I'm not there yet. No, that's got a head on it. This does not.

[Brady Bogan]

This is early on.

[John Holmberg]

This is.

[Brady Bogan]

I mean. I mean, same later. It starts. Here's what I think.

[John Holmberg]

It's a bite. It's so oddly like non painful. But we. Anyway, what are you gonna do? I'll have.

[Brady Bogan]

Starts turning into that kind of open.

[John Holmberg]

See, that's an. That. That. The first picture you showed me did kind of look like it. Those don't.

[Brady Bogan]

And then that's got us.

[John Holmberg]

That's got a center. This doesn't have a center. Well, it's kind of all over the same.

Somebody else said Mercer too.

Yeah, well, we'll see. This one says, this is what you get why you're so smart about it. Hanging out with the ghouls Friday night, one of those ghouls gave you them hillbilly herpes. That's true. I did hang out with you guys again on Friday. See, it probably was Sunday when I first got bit. Now it's Monday.

[Dick Toledo]

Junior biologists want better pictures, so we gotta.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, take a few more. I'm gonna go in better lighting.

[Brett Vesley]

Yeah, you.

[John Holmberg]

And I'll take you into the bathroom. God damn it. Take you in the bathroom. I'll drop my pants and you can do your work.

Let's call Max up, let him come down here and do a full video and everything else.

Max does nice work. We should do that. Yesterday at Dixon, Max was. I was not feeling great yesterday, but it wasn't because. I don't know what it was. Maybe it was the thing. I've just. I was so tired. Like, incredibly, strangely tired. And I. And I've kind of tied everything back to this thing on my ass. I was just like, man, I gotta.

[Brady Bogan]

It's making sense now.

[John Holmberg]

I gotta take a life day off. When we were out yesterday, I'm like, I gotta just go home and not be a person for a little bit. Have no responsibilities for a day. And we went to Dixon and they were awesome to us. And we, you know, hanging out with the gang up there, they got great stuff, tons of it. And we went through their store and met everybody and hung out. They're part of you fest, so they're giving us tour of the place and we're hanging out over there. And I just like, man, what a.

[Brady Bogan]

Tough place to work.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, seems. Seems rough. But I wanted to drop out so bad. Just kind of lay down and go away. And I've been putting it all on this thing.

Phil wants to know if you did overnights at KDKB before he came here.

I Haven't even gone. I. When was the last time I went down that hall? Yeah, I actually. I actually asked myself. I'm like, what's one of them wandering into our side? I mean, that. That sounds like a joke, but we've had Monkeypox in the building. I'm just saying you gotta be careful what you touch around here. Cuz nobody told us. I think that's against all the laws that we were. You know, when Covid was around, everybody got outed. There was no HIPAA violation to say this guy's got it and scream it out. Monkeypox showed up. We didn't even know it was here for like a week and a half. That's ten times worse than Covid was. And you know the person who had it. Awesome.

[Brady Bogan]

They shut the building down and shamed me. I mean, I was.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that was before. Yeah, you were. You were. They were right. That was right. But the shaming part. No, we'd have figured it out. You like, brady's not here. Somebody said it's in the building, it would have been you. We could have done the math. But if you just stopped showing up to work for a few weeks during COVID and people like, where's Brady? No, not here. What does he have Covid? That would have been everybody's first question. He's got it, doesn't he? Oh, no. Nobody's allowed to say HEPA violation is what Monkeypox was. So you got to be careful. This building is potentially riddled with that stuff. Anyway, it's. Yeah, it's this. Maybe it's those worms your grandma was trying to see with that flashlight. Boy, you guys remember everything. My grandma used to have worry about worm check, worm checks and flashlight the kids asses just in case there were worms hanging around your head. No, that's not. Anyway, beyond that, I do have to say I saw do the guy I joke about with all the time from the year 2012, 2013. I had those Mexican guys working on my house. Remember them? Manny. Manny. And I can't remember. Can't remember the other guy's name. I'm pretty sure his name's Manny. I don't use it. I just go, what's up? And he was the one that always said, what's up? That's how he always greeted me. Pinch a John. And he'd say that I was at the gas station right up here at qt. And I had a guy go, excuse me, are you John? And I turned and I'm like, yeah. And I kind of Recognized him right away, but I didn't want to be sure. And I'm like, I know you. Yeah. I worked on your house a few years ago. I'm like, hey, what's up? And he gave me the. What's up? How are you, man? And I'm like, oh, my God. It's great to see you. This dude won 250 grand in a scratcher.

[Brady Bogan]

Scratcher.

[John Holmberg]

He won a scratcher.

[Brady Bogan]

Call David.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brett Vesley]

Oh, we should have got.

[John Holmberg]

We're gonna get you a nice little bungalow.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, we gotta make that happen.

[John Holmberg]

250,000. It was a few years ago, like, 2015. He was in Iowa or some middle state. I don't remember what he said. He's like, yeah, on a road trip. Hit a scratcher, and, like, for how much?

[Brady Bogan]

250,000.

[John Holmberg]

I'm like, you got to be. You got to be kidding me. Then he got back in a car that is somewhat suspect for someone who has won 250 grand. I kind of think it might have gone away. It was a basic.

[Brady Bogan]

Carve that up.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you could eat up 250 faster than you could ever imagine, and especially if you, you know, get a house and. But they were. He was a responsible guy. Like, he was a. But, yeah, he was pinched, John, and he hit me with the. Yesterday, and I died. Left one. A goddamn lottery scratcher. 250. And I can't remember. Said Iowa or Kansas or whatever, but he was driving along on a roadie. They pulled over and hit it. It's the first person I think I've ever met that's won a scratcher that big ever. And it was a dude that used to call me names in my front yard. And I. You know what? It was a really nice moment, because I've spent the last 12 years wondering if those guys actually liked me or if I was being made fun of in another language. And I think they actually proved that they liked me, man.

That just. That just proves Trey from Boys in the Hood was right.

Waste your time with that. See, he's got a Choco dial in his mouth, and he's scratching the ticket and poison the hood, man. You gotta be Mexican to win that. He is, and he did, totally legitimately. I said, what did you get? He got a car, paid some stuff off. You know, we hung on to it, but I got a car. And then he climbed in a car that might be older than when I met him. Like, 15 years. It was an old car. It was like. I don't even know. It was like a Hyundai Or a Kia or something. Eh, what are you gonna do? Pretty cool, though.

[Brady Bogan]

Maybe he's a saver. He's just hanging on to it, driving the same car.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it wasn't the same car because you saw. Oh, here's the thing. He used to always get a ride from his wife to my house. He never had his car. So you get dropped off all the time. Or I'd take him home a lot too, which was not close. Hey, Pinch of John. What's up, man? Hey, we need a ride back. My wife can't get off work, and I'm like, oh, yeah, it's 5:15 and it's Thursday.

I don't know how to get to marry.

You live in East Mesa. I'm like, this was, like, Uber wasn't a thing yet. So we'd climb in my car. Thanks a lot. I appreciate it. Like, you bet. Guys, I don't know that you guys like me. What are you talking about? Pinch John. You. But, yeah. So it was. It was great. Little reunion at the gas station. $250,000 scratcher. And I wanted to walk right in and buy a scratcher, but I'm like, no, you're not masking. I am not meskin. And also, the odds of being next to a guy who just won 250 and going in and getting another one and scratching that off are zero. So, like, there was no way. Like, I can't. You can't do. That's like sitting at a slot machine. The guy wins 250,000 next to. Your slot's not gonna hit. They don't go side by side. That. That area is clear. You might win a little something. Although I did hit a big one once when a guy next to me hit a million. Damn, that was cool. We were both waiting to get paid out. I hit 90,000. That was a big.

You're dancing around.

I was pretty happy. Dude next to me has. He's playing a thousand dollars a spin, and he hits three of those rainbow stars with sevens on them right across. And I'm like, dude, that's the jackpot. I didn't know how much he was playing, and he did not budge. And I'm like, what is the win on that? And we looked up, and it was. It was. It was a million dollars. And I'm like, you're not even happy? And he goes, I'm down 1 4. Oh, my God. It's a bigger weekend than I could ever imagine. No people did that. So we hit it, and it was.

Like, he's only down 4 now.

Down 400,000. I'm not. He was. He was just not. There's nothing exciting about it. Then you start to realize that really, really wealthy people in Vegas, they have to go for it. They have to go into the sports book or make crazy bets or have. I didn't know this but they'll put tables in your room when you're a really heavy whale.

So like if Michael Jordan shows up, you can have a table in your room.

They do their own room. I, I was by Michael Jordan at a table in a, like a club in the Aria and they had five or six of his people. It's 25000 a hand. And so that was kind of neat. But I've been told like the whales will say, bring me. They have a room upstairs in your room that you can put like games in that you want. If you want slot machines, they'll do it. If you want a table game, they'll do it. They'll find other whales that can play your game and put you in a room with them. And they'll just come in there and get like five or six dudes that are willing to put like 100 grand on each hand.

It's like a mob card game or something.

It's kind of what it is, sort of. I think that's probably where the mob got the idea or Vegas got the idea from them. But it's like, yeah, well, you can't play with the regular people. You can't be down there with these maximum bet tables. We'll go up to your room, you put on what you want. Poker, they do it all. It's crazy. Edm, my casino host is telling me that. She goes, yeah, we have a Chinese whale here tonight. I'm like, no kidding? Yeah, he's got the whole like one of the floors was his. He's got the super, super sky suite. Like the beautiful 4,000 square foot house, penthouse. And they put games in there and then they got a couple other people that he brought and a couple other people in town that'll play his game.

So they bring dealers up and everything and just whole dealers.

Yep. On the up and up. They've got witnesses, dealers, everything stays tight, markers covered. Yeah, I don't think that. Yeah, they just. You get no limit. You're good. We're not man. And they keep an eye on it all. I don't know if they still. That was a while ago. I don't know if they. They probably still do that. I can imagine they cater to anything you Need. It's crazy.

[Brady Bogan]

When I first moved out here, a guy that was two years older than me in the. Graduated from the same high school, was living out here, and someone said, hey, you ought to look up this guy. He just won the lottery, and it was like eight or ten million dollars.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God.

[Brady Bogan]

But when he won it, he flew out 10 or 12 of his friends from high school to Vegas, and they did a week.

[John Holmberg]

Crazy weekend. Yeah. So that's, you know, that's what you have to do to win 250,000. And you're the guy who used to scrape the popcorn off my ceilings when I first moved into the house. Up until that point, the most impressive thing about that guy was he could. He could scrape the popcorn ceilings. And his arms never got tired. They were up over his head for hours. And I mean, the dude never got tired. I don't know whose idea popcorn ceilings were. You were an asshole. That dude. That's the worst.

Some hippie back in the 70s weirdo.

That thought it would be great if it looked like the roof was melting or the ceiling.

[Brady Bogan]

Was it better or was it a better design?

[John Holmberg]

Somebody said it was acoustics, too. And another thing I heard from a contractor was it's because when they did that, they didn't have to finish the ceilings as good.

They just. It was just lazy. Yeah. You just fired up what was up there and you left it to drip like a wax candle. Horrible. And taking it down's worse. Scraping, it's awful. It's messy and those. But that dude, he used to go straight arm up and scrape that goddamn thing for hours. The whole house.

[Brady Bogan]

I do 25 minutes.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's impossible.

[Brady Bogan]

Of the head for the MRI in the. In the tube.

[John Holmberg]

It's off and you're laying down. Are we standing up?

[Brady Bogan]

I was laying down.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, laying down's nothing now. Try just to be.

[Brady Bogan]

I couldn't. It was tighter.

[John Holmberg]

You know, in boxing, that used to be a drill.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You would hold your hands in the air and run in place. And the thing that would get tired first are your hands. I could run in place for an hour, but you're about four minutes of your hands in the air. It's like, oh, my God. They're. They feel like giant, you know, two ton blocks in your hands. You feel like you're gonna drop. We used to think called minute day where you'd hold two pound weights straight out, just straight ahead of you.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

If you lasted two minutes with that. It's incredible. Like, it's so amazing how tired this dude. No problem. I'm just scraping your sealy pinch John. Like, hey, you're doing great work, man. Thanks, brother. Hey, go out of my cooler and grab my sandwich and go get his little igloo. Cooler full of food. They'd go sit in the. They'd sit in my yard all the time and never came out with as welts. Yeah, we'll get some pictures of it. We'll get some side by sides of draw. Circle around it and do some stuff. Toledo. Do some work. But this guy says popcorn ceilings were full of asbestos. Typically too. Yeah. It was all just cancerous, fireproof asbestos disease. Laziness.

[Brady Bogan]

Ceilings in the business.

[John Holmberg]

And they were awful. Just not nobody ever moves in and go, man, we know what we need to do is put popcorn ceilings in. There's never once been a home improvement show where they're like, well, popcorn your ceiling.

First thing we did in our house.

Get rid of that popcorn.

[Brady Bogan]

It's coming back.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's not. If you've got it in your house right now. I don't know if he's retired from his 250.

[Brady Bogan]

I haven't heard that in a while. Yeah, but I gotta get rid of my popcorn because that was.

[John Holmberg]

It was everywhere.

[Brady Bogan]

I think they're all gone.

[John Holmberg]

I hope so. I hope. I hope we Munich those. I hope that there's a documentary about the world's last popcorn ceiling being scraped. Because there are people right now sitting at their house looking up going, God damn it. He's right. It's just. It looks bad. You can't have a nice house in popcorn ceilings. You can. You can pour millions into it. If you still have popcorn ceilings. The first thing people see when they walk in poor. Oh, they're the worst. Just scrape them. Go find yourself a Mexican that has powerful shoulders that never get tired. He'll scrape it out. It took him about three days to do the whole house. But. Which was impressive. It would have taken me a month at least. All the crying and the breaks that I needed to take. Crazy. All right. We'll take some pictures of my ass as requested online. And we'll put them up on so you guys can assess it. It's not good. The ass part's great. The. The bites no good. And then we'll get a wake up song. 585-9800. A good one. We'll scream it together. It's 98 KUPD. Wake up. It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.

[Brady Bogan]

No membership fee.

[John Holmberg]

I've heard.

[Larry McFeely]

It'S Larry McFeely. And whether you're tearing up desert trails in a Tacoma, towing your toys with a tough tundra, or exploring the back roads in the all new 4Runner, your Toyota is built to go the distance. Now, obviously, our roads and weather can be brutal. That's why keeping your Toyota in top shape is key. Trust only genuine Toyota technicians with genuine Toyota parts. From oil changes to full checkups, your valley Toyota dealer has got you covered. So before you hit the trailer, hit the service bay, visit your Valley toyota dealer or valleytoyotadealers.com Summer starts here. Toyota let's go places.

[John Holmberg]

All right, HMS podcast time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the valley this week. Get up north to Desert Ridge to see comedy sets from Leo Gonzalez and Tempe at the Improv. You've got Randy Felt Face performing. Just google it.

[Brett Vesley]

And you're gonna have to go see for yourself on that one.

[John Holmberg]

And downtown at standup Live, the very funny Gary Owen entertains you all this week. For the complet lineups and for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com it.

[Dick Toledo]

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[John Holmberg]

Morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. Thank you. Miles to nowhere. That is Katie and the Hobbs with our theme song. You can go check them out online. Toledo's taking many many pictures of my ass. I got a good look at some of the photo shoot out there. She's pretty nice.

[Brady Bogan]

Toledo's we should do some outdoor shots. Well, I mean the lighting.

[John Holmberg]

He's used to the cucking so he gets a lot of close ups of bear man's asses. So he did a really nice job. So he's been doing this for a while and it's paid off. You know, I'm pretty sure it's just a bite. We got real close up on one. It looks like there's an injection site. It's not a head. It's kind of a hold for going in, like a little dot. I've been bitten. It's weird. It's a very strange thing. The draft is tonight, and this is again. I mean, I've said this for years, and I'm not comfortable with it. The template of the draft is the exact same thing they used to do when they'd land boats from the West Indies over in the Caribbean and then start selling slaves. It's the exact same setup. Rich owners sit in a room and bid on the most athletic and a powerful person that they can now put into their stable. And it's the same. They even went so far as to build a similar stage. They've put height, weight, comp. It's. It is terrifying how similar it is. If you go back to the West Indies and the slave trade. What. What the draft has decided to say, hey, that worked out. We can put some lights up and put. People will love watching this. Exactly what it is.

[Brady Bogan]

I think it's. I think it's a lot like recess. When you're chicken, you're a kickball team.

[John Holmberg]

And you're lying, pointing them off the walls. Yeah, with money, there's some of that. But if we built a stage and said the most athletic one goes first, I'm like, you're telling me you should.

[Brady Bogan]

Have had him against wall.

[John Holmberg]

You're right. This is the exact same damn thing is. All right. We've ranked them all, and as they get off the boat, I'm gonna tell you about this one. This is Cam Ward. He's the most athletic one. Like, we want him. Travis Hunter is a game changer for your plant team.

[Brady Bogan]

He's got great teeth.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he does smile. He looks a little crazy, but he goes. He can do everything you ask him to do. You want him to work the equipment, he works the equipment. You want him in the field, he plays the field. Like, this is the same damn thing that we fought 200 years to get rid of, and now we celebrate it. But there's money. So people are like, oh, there's money now. So it's different. It's the same. It's the same concepts, the same. You Know, A to B to C. And I for one, can't believe we watch it. I also watched the thing about, you know, how they do the red carpet and the guys walk in and they're. They treat it like the Oscars. And you thought, oh, this is a chance for their egos to go. I didn't know this for since that started. That was that. That began not as the players wearing clothes to show off. That began because a guy who did jewelry and some outfits told a guy, wear my stuff and walk in swagging and he goes and say my name. Do it. And he's the one who started.

[Brady Bogan]

They get paid for it.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. It wasn't espn. It wasn't abc.

[Brady Bogan]

It's like an independent.

[John Holmberg]

ABC looked and said, holy cow, we can treat this like the Oscars. But some jewelry guy said, do this for me. And when they ask you stuff, like just bling up, grab the attention and they'll know my. And I'll pay you. And they gave somebody. I forget who it was, but Dion was like, this is way back. Dion was one who really took advantage of all the 21 gear. Like, where's he. Where's this college kid getting that $200,000 necklace? Not in college anymore. Now I'm not going back to college. So I bought it. And so that's. And Cam scatter.

[Brett Vesley]

Boo. Who I got.

[Brady Bogan]

I held off on all the Dion stuff early on until he's the coach at Colorado.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

And he had those sunglasses. I bought a pair.

[John Holmberg]

You got a pair of those. You would look horrible in those.

I want to see it.

I can tell you just bottom.

[Brady Bogan]

Just because of the Dion, your face.

[John Holmberg]

Shape is absolutely the opposite of what those should be. They're the gold strip across.

I want to see these.

They look like blue blockers on you.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, yeah, Yeah. I might have them in my car.

[John Holmberg]

Oh my. We got to get a picture that's not that you're not built for. Nobody in this room is built for the Dion shades at all.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, it wasn't for the look.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I know. But yeah, you got. If you're buying stuff that Dion wears, I. I hope you're kidding. Cuz if you're trying to go, hey, I'd look pretty awesome in that. Like Coach Sanders, baby, you out your mind. I bought those down in Atlanta when I was a. I played for the Falcons. Brady built that dome. Brady tried to dress like me. You crazy. I'm going to have probably a whole life full of Deion and Shador Sanders if things kind of break the way they look like they might, yeah, there's potential. But, yeah, that draft is crazy. So it's tonight, and we sit and watch. But I was blown away at the beginnings of when the players started to show up, and it was the NFL that was late to the party. They didn't build any of this. They just started to notice, oh, we should have the players here. Because if you watch the old draft, it was in a convention center in a Hilton, and they set up tables backstage. No tables before there were no players there. They didn't invite anybody. Wasn't. The NFL did not have their finger on the pulse of this draft until they started to realize, oh, my God, the kids are making a ton of money. All we have to do is roll a red carpet out and invite them down here. They'll show up because they were at home. So the draft, half. Half those guys didn't even. We'll talk to Dale later today. He's like, the draft, it was. All of the rounds were in a day. They went from 11 in the morning to, like, 4 in the morning. Just get it out of the way. It was a day. It was at Hilton Convention Center. Every team was sitting in the same spot. They all just kind of called in to the commissioner was standing there. No pomp and circumstance. ESPN started to televise it a little bit, like, maybe people will watch this. Then some of the players started to, like, bling out for when they got drafted, if somebody interviewed them and then they have all that stuff on. So, like, you know, it'd be great is if the number one pick was right here with us when that happened. So they started to invite the players, and then when it became obvious that, oh, there's ways to skirt the rules and we can pay them. The agents used to give the. The agents used to buy them that and say, here you go. You've hired me. You're allowed to hire me now. And I got you a gift for that. And then they pay them back with their signing bonus. So half of the stuff was just clothing, almost like a record label. It's an amazing kind of way that it's turned into what it is tonight, which is a massive tourist thing. Green Bay is loaded. It's got 450,000 people in it that just go and stand and watch people get picked. It's incredible when you look at it and how it's grown into what it is. It's. It's just dudes getting picked. It's not. It's not even a really entertaining thing, but we're so locked in on NFL stuff. It's. It's mind blowing.

[Brady Bogan]

It's touching.

[John Holmberg]

Mind blowing merchandise.

[Brady Bogan]

It's every team.

[John Holmberg]

You're selling jerseys. Yeah, you're. You're, you know, the, the drama, the soap opera, the WWF of the whole thing. WWE of the. Oh, he's got. I remember a couple years ago when they kept saying that every, every player. Here's the most recent death in his family. They. Tragedy porn. They make it the. You know, his mother had a drug addiction and lost his father when he was nine. Like that was a while ago.

He's watching the Voice.

Yeah. He should be better. Yeah, exactly.

[Brady Bogan]

It is the backs.

[John Holmberg]

The one guy whose dad fell down. The, the incredible story of his father falling in the driveway and rolling into the road and getting run over. And I thought, what did he live on, a pyramid?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

How do you fall in a driveway and roll all the way to the road? That is a steep incline. I know if I fell in my driveway, I could slow myself before I get to the road. I'm not. I'll be outside for a second. I'm just gonna take the trash out down that giant side. Why do we live on this hill? Just. I mean, that's insane. But they kind of, they tried to do that and they said. And then, then they'd say something like. And that happened about 12 years ago. Well, the kid was 4. He's fine. He doesn't even miss his dad. His dad rolled down the driveway. I hope he moved to a better house that wasn't teetering on the tip of something. Yeah, they make it dramatic and everything else, but it is entertaining. And I'm going again. Another. Another day of me wandering out watching people get picked and I'm going with a couple of friends that I've gone with every time. So. Yeah, that was. I remember that one. Alex is. I remember I watched the draft once and remembered Will Levis actually showing up with his hot ass girlfriend. She was dressed like a smoke show and he didn't get drafted till the next day. They love that ESPN acts like, oh, we couldn't possibly. The Aaron Rodgers thing, the. The. What was his name? Brady Quinn. They're like, oh, it's terrible. We can't put him on. He's moved out of the green room and away from the cameras. ESPN loves watching a 21 year old's dreams get squished. They're going to Cam Scatter Boo's house. I was golfing with Scott last week and Cam was talking and we were going And I said, what are you like, what's going on? Also, we got at the. You're going to have ESPN at the house Friday and probably third round. I'm like, they. ESPN acts like they're your friends. Those cameras are in your house. What they want to see more than they want to see you drafted is you fall to the fourth round and they're going to cut you camp. Scatter Boo's still available. I think he goes in the third round. I think it's pretty safe. But espn, deep down, they're rooting for that house to be sad. They're rooting for. To be like, wow, he's really slipped. You know, let's talk to him. Let's see if his emotions have gotten the best of him. Then they act like, well, they love it. They love it.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, that's pretty deep. They definitely. First round.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, first round falls. They're thrilled with it. They still show it as. As much as they say Aaron Rodgers Falling to the 21st pick is just one of the worst moments ever. His face, you could see it. He was so upset, so sad. And I'm like, you guys keep showing it. Twenty years later, it's still like, remember this face? Remember when he was all sad because he was supposed to go earlier and he didn't. They love the tragedy. So tonight we'll see will Shador Sanders fall? Will Travis Hunter go third instead of second? There's some good stories in it, but we'll see. I don't know.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, 23 Buckeyes be drafted, right?

[John Holmberg]

They're going to be the entire professional Ohio State. Buckeyes will go, though. They will. By the time the seventh round's over, there'll be a bunch of them gone. I don't know how many first rounders you got. Probably a couple linemen. Maybe there's a running back, but I doubt it. And the Cardinals, who you gotta like, you know, their general manager and their coach are like, we're. We're. We're staying out of this crazy. Get ourselves a D lineman or a. A. An O lineman and build trenches. Maybe a linebacker. Get some. They need. They got some needs. But it'll be tonight. It'll be.

[Brady Bogan]

It's fun to see the early, you know, in the first round, of course. Swapping out for a trade.

[John Holmberg]

No, I think that'll be fun. Yeah, we love it. But really think about how mundane and boring this entire thing is and what a. They put pretty lights and dress this pig up. It's just basically people getting jobs. It's It's a. You go down to Des and they start going, you, you, you and you, you come with me. It's some, you know, place, that placement center where they go in and you get temporary workers. You and you and you come with me. You get on the bus with that. The Home Depot has an NFL draft every day. Those guys sit outside and somebody pulls up and goes, which one of you is the strongest? See, get in the truck. We draft at the Home Depot constantly. Put it on tv. Nobody would do it.

[Brady Bogan]

They should at least have, you know, if they're picking them up on a truck, at least hand them a jersey.

[John Holmberg]

Hand him a shirt from the company. Congratulations.

[Brady Bogan]

You get to work.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You get to go work at Dave's Construction for a day. See? Yeah, that's right. Kind of follow me. What's up? Yeah, that's right. You're gonna. You're totally qualified. Pinch a cabin.

[Brady Bogan]

What's amazing is there's not a position they can't play.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, they're good. They're. They play them all in the trade.

[Brady Bogan]

They can do it.

[John Holmberg]

Electrical, C. Plumbing, C. Irrigation, tea. This guy's the number one pick. We gotta take him with us. He's in there with his diamond necklace that just says pinche, pinche Carlos. Pinche Carlos. Yeah, it's great. Yeah. We do a draft all the time. It's the only one that we're interested in. The WNBA tries to copy it. Nobody watches. The NBA draft is not watchable. The baseball draft, they try to televise. What are you thinking? NFL is the only one we care about, and it is big. It's a big thing. So hopefully your favorite team has its moment. I don't know what to expect from mine. I halfway think we'll talk to Dale. Hell, straight later this morning. I halfway think that today Aaron Rodgers will finally tell everybody where he's going. Here's the reason why, and I would imagine, because my team's never this dumb. They're never Cleveland Browns dumb, and they're being Cleveland Browns dumb this off season by letting Aaron Rodgers do his thing. This is my hope more than it is what I think will happen. Aaron. The draft is in Green Bay this year. The Steelers. I mean, the media pays it. Aaron Rodgers, for like him or hate him, manipulates the media with his indecision. And people, you know, this would be an embarrassment. He goofs around with the media saying, I don't know, maybe I come back, maybe I retire. Oh. Oh. That's a full hour of their 24 hour cycle of filling time with Aaron Rodgers, indecisiveness, his ayahuasca retreats, his darkness retreats. They covered it all. And then he just, you know, he plays them like a fiddle. My. My belief is that he's told the Steelers, I'm going to sign with you. Let me announce this at an event now. I thought it was going to be Pat McAfee's thing. And then my brain said, oh, the drafts in Green Bay. Aaron loves manipulating the media and being the center of attention. If he can steal the spotlight at the Green Bay draft and have everybody talking about him, he'll just say, I'm a Pittsburgh Steeler or, I'm retired today. And. And he will manipulate the entire draft because if it turns out the Steelers don't need. If the Steelers don't need a quarterback, teams will then jump ahead of them. The trades will start being like, oh, oh, oh, oh, the Steelers are going.

[Brady Bogan]

To be some shuffling.

[John Holmberg]

They're going D line or are they going to move? And now what do they do? Shador can't fall. If he falls now, or you assume Shador is going to fall, or one of the, you know, quarterbacks, he can manipulate people's decisions, and I think that dude lives for that stuff. It would not surprise me today if Aaron Rodgers made that announcement. If he actually said, by the way, I'm. I'm going to blank. I'm going to do this. And then. And then all of ESPN has to switch their coverage from what's going on in the draft to Aaron Rodgers now is retired or Aaron Rodgers is a Pittsburgh Steeler. It manipulates people's decisions. The Steelers then become a teams like, do we trade up? Do we do a quarterback? What do we do now? Do we make a trade for. Oh, yeah. But. But if the Steelers know, and he alluded to that on Pat McAfee show, he goes, the Steelers are well aware of my process, and they're fine with it. They wouldn't be fine with it if it was like, I don't know, guys, I'll. I'll think about it. If that's. If he told them something. And so. But it changes.

[Brady Bogan]

There's a little truth to the matter that they would have moved on from.

[John Holmberg]

Absolutely.

[Brady Bogan]

A long time.

[John Holmberg]

They wouldn't still be in the game.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Waiting for him to hold. Like you said, hold him hostage. But right now, if he, if he comes out later and says, I'm going to retire, then Pittsburgh has to go, okay, we got to make a. We got to get Kirk Cousins. We Got to do something crazy trades start happening that weren't going to, and all these fake mock drafts, all this crap we've been thinking about means nothing because the second he makes a decision, one team has to start scrambling and that'll cause others to do the same.

It's like a LeBron thing.

It's a. He is the LeBron of the NFL. You're absolutely right. So I. That's my thoughts today of what might happen tonight. That would be the bombshell that Aaron Rodgers becomes the focus of the draft because he's a big enough dick to steal the spotlight from these kids who have worked their asses off to get where they are and become the story of the draft. So then Cam Ward, Travis Hunter, all these guys that are determines the draft, they don't even, you know, they'll be an afterthought to Aaron Rodgers manipulating the draft. The first few picks we already know. Unless Pittsburgh jumps up or New Orleans jumps up or a team that needs a quarterback. Tennessee gets theirs first and then does something else. It's Brett.

[Brady Bogan]

Pull up Mel Kuipers.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Mel Kuiper, who's by the way, got like a 17% correct in the first round. Every year he gets the first five or six, right, and then it's all over. He's got a low percentage of his first round picks being correct. He's terrible, but he knows every player that's ever played the game. Amazing. I've just gotten an amazing email from Rochelle out in Gilbert. She says another reason to keep your ass clean and pristine. You've been vindicated again. You never know when you're gonna need a co worker to post pictures of your ass on social media. It better be ready. I looked at the pictures. It looks painful. I hope it's not serious. I hope you feel better soon. That's right, Rochelle. I have no problem having my ass photographed at any time of the day because I'm constantly clean. Is that Kuiper's drafts?

[Brett Vesley]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we'll see. We'll see how it works out. But, you know, it's a very interesting thing and people will be talking. NFL draft is a big deal.

Any surprises up top there?

I mean, Travis Hunter is the big question. Will the Browns go with Hunter? Because if they don't, then the Giants will. And if the. You know, I think that the Browns will go with Travis Hunter because he's just too much to pass up, but if they don't, he'll. They'll get the guy from Penn State and stick him on the other side of Miles Garrett and then suddenly their defense is horri. I think Abdul Carter is the most talented defensive player out there. I think that's the best one. But he's got. I mean, Mel Kuiper's got Shador Sanders going third. Some people have him going 20th or falling even further. So we'll see. It could all change if Tennessee decides to go with Abdul Carter and go defense and then work with Will Levis another year. Who knows? I can't imagine they will, but gonna be some strange stuff going on. But it's fun to watch. God, I hate that Aaron Rodgers and I might have to be cheering for him. That's what Guy just said. I'm not trying to be incredulous here. If Rodgers goes to the Steelers, how do you root for them? It's tough.

It's like you said before, you root for laundry.

You start rooting for the laundry. There's so many players on that team I like and here's how I root for them. This is the painful truth. He's the best option. So if it's. If it's tolerating his dickheadedness right now on that roster, he's the. If they got Aaron Rodgers, like, at least there's a decent quarterback talent on the team. I don't like him, but. And you also know that it's temporary. We're not putting our hopes and dreams for the future in Aaron Rodgers. It's like we're in a pickle. We need a guy to step in. Can you do this job? So sometimes an asshole steps up and does the job. And I think that's what we got going on. It's a rough one. Steelers are acting like the Browns and I don't like it because we all know what the Browns are and that's piles of. And I don't like that. I don't like following in the footsteps of somebody. Piles of crap all over their feet. Here's something that needs to be said and isn't. If you're online and you're talking to someone you've never met and they want to meet in a parking lot and have sex, they're underage. You're being stung. Don't go yourself. You're an idiot. It another guy, but they had another sting. And it said Arizona State professor accused of arranging a meetup for sex with someone he thought was a teen boy instead was an undercover cop. April 18 the undercover Chandler, a police officer, used AI generated photos to pose as a 15 year old boy. Now AI is going to change this game because you're not using real pictures of a real person. AI generated 15 year old boy. Might as well send the guy a crayon drawing. It's not a thing goes on. An online dating app received a message from another user. This guy's name is she you Wu. Then I'd show you a picture of she you Wu, but do I have to? You already know. Court paperwork cites that Wu sent a sexual photo to the undercover officer and began asking questions pertaining to sex and where this boy was. Where are you, you hot little boy? Said she you who sent the officer sent an address to the apartment complex in Chandler. And there he rolled up. She you Woo. And they said that's it. Now here's ready to teach. But the follow up on the story is the convictions for these things are relatively low because it's not a real boy. Especially with AI there. He did technically in a court of law in black and white, he didn't do a thing. Yep, he had an idea, he had the concept. And then you can solicit, you can get him dinged for some misdemeanors, but for the most part, you didn't really do anything wrong. That's why, you know, To Catch a Predator, which everybody loved, kind of went off the air because you were essentially putting people on TV that were being. It wasn't entrapment so much as it was just. Well, the person I was talking to was actually 19, so I may have thought they were 15. Turns out it was completely legal. It's like buying a bag of weed. My intention was to buy weed, but it's just oregano, so I don't have any weed. There wasn't. I ended up buying some spices.

[Brady Bogan]

Even the girl checking laundry and the cookies were ready out of the oven. And she's of age.

[John Holmberg]

She's of age because you couldn't. So what I've always said, and this is what I would do if I were a parent and Brett, I think you would too. We need more people willing to use their actual underage kids as bait with the police. Now you can pull a whole Cyrano diverse act thing and whisper into the ear of the kid what to say and then troll the kid. I would do this if I had a son. Now, my son probably wouldn't be first pick by a lot of pedophiles because his father was not. And there were pedophiles all over Dobson High School. I mean, we had father Dale and his whole crew scouting and I never once got drafted. I was an undrafted agent couldn't make the team. Walking around there with my giant head on my toothpick body and not once did Father Dale ever think, get him in the stable. Not once.

You know any first rounders?

I knew three first rounders. I was friends with one first rounder. I didn't know what was going on. Found out about 12 years later that that first rounder was the one who blew the whistle on everything.

[Larry McFeely]

Spring is in full swing now and summer is right around the corner. Hey, it's Larry McFeely. And there's no better time to hit the trails, the lakes and those wide open desert roads in a brand new Toyota. Whether you're hauling gear to Roosevelt Lake in the powerful Toyota Tundra, navigating rocky trails in the rugged Tacoma, or exploring Sedona in The all new 4Runner, Toyota's the muscle and comfort to match your most excellent adventures. Head to your valley toyota dealer or valleytoyotadealers.com today and gear up for summer in a ride that's built for the heat and the adventures. Summer starts here. Toyota. Let's go places.

[John Holmberg]

We're here with Byron from M and P Guns. Byron, why should someone choose to go to M and P Guns?

[H]

The choice is simple, Brett. M and P Guns is your one stop shop for all your shooting needs. We offer Arizona's largest selection handguns, rifles, shotguns, new and pre owned. We also have a large selection of ammunition, accessories and even training. In fact right now all pre owned firearms are 20% off. All new firearms firearms are 10% off. We have Ammo Inc. 9 millimeter hollow points for only $12.99 a box and much more.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it sounds like M and P Guns is committed to providing the customers with the best possible service and selection.

[H]

That's a fact. You can visit us at the store at the northeast corner of 12th Street Indian School or online at M&P guns.com.

[John Holmberg]

Holmberg's morning sickness got drafted number one, huh? You know what though? Never. Never made the field. Really. No. Ran away smart enough to know something was going on when Father Dale took his pants off and tried to get him go in the hot tub with him.

[Brady Bogan]

Him platinum.

[John Holmberg]

He stayed platinum. He tried to rat him out early. Nobody believed him. But I did happen to know two others that were railed mercilessly by Father Dale and his crew. Now Father Dale, to be fair, never evidently did any of the actual work.

So he was.

He cucked it okay, arranged it and cucked it. But there was a. A lot of white ropes in that jacuzzi he'd get those kids in. You want to make some holy white ropes?

[Brady Bogan]

What A white rope?

[John Holmberg]

You've never made white ropes. Let me help. Oh, white ropes. But I was never drafted, I never got picked up. So my son would probably pick up some of my characteristics. And you know, shi you wu would be scrolling through the kid grinder and look at my kid's big nose and be like, not even gonna try. I don't even. Not worth it.

[Brady Bogan]

A couple of babies in the life teen program.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So what we need are people who are fun, who are like, I'll sit with the cops in a room and I'll troll with my 15, 14, 15 year old son and make him say dirty stuff. Now keep in mind you act like, oh, that's terrible to do to, look, your kid's doing it already. The majority of your kids are talking real dirty behind your back. They know stuff, they know things, They're. They play nice with you. I did it with my dad. I knew what was going on, but I never cussed in front of my parents. I never said dirty things. I acted like sex scenes were gross. I. And we weren't. Meanwhile, I got a VCR in my bedroom. It was the only VCR in the house. I was the first one in the house to have one. And why? So I could stare at asses on pause and do some damage to myself and recognize a lot of terrible. I knew what was going on. So could I talk 30 at 15? Absolutely. Did I? No. If my dad said, hey, we're gonna get some pedophiles arrested, you wanna come with? I'm like, yes, I'm gonna whisper in your ear. And he would have been blown away at how good I am. I mean, Brittany Zamora had a 12 year old. When you read the text, I guarantee his parents didn't think that he was that advanced. I coached kids in a 13 year old basketball league a long time ago and they taught me some things. I didn't know what a rainbow party was until then. I asked him how come they all have these gay wristbands on? How come you guys have rainbow wristbands on? Trying to get all seven colors. I don't even know what that means. Well, at school, if a girl kisses you down there, oh my God, what? And she's wearing lipstick of a certain color, you get the band, she gives you the band. I had yellow and red. I'm like, there's girls with yellow? Yeah, because they try to help us fill out the rainbow. Jesus Christ. When's the next party. Your chicks are better than our chicks. At the time I was like 28. I'm like, I gotta take chicks to dinner and I gotta pay for that. You guys are just doing your 13. The one kid had him all the way up his arm. He's the best looking one too, by the way. It made sense to me. I'm like, yeah, that makes sense. This kid's got double rainbow.

Little Peter North.

He was kind of. He had a. He was, you know, he was one of those 13 year olds. It was about five, 10 man body, a little mustache. I'm like, yeah, his name was like Jaren or something. He had some strange held back. He might have been 20, but the kid had double rainbows going. He had all seven. And then a new start, evidently.

[Brett Vesley]

All of his.

[John Holmberg]

But that kid's parents were like, oh, he just wears those because he's conscious of social, you know, charities. Yeah, that's right. That's all about Lance Armstrong. His wrist. But you get those kids online and then we can start convicting these perverts. What's more important, convicting the weirdos with real underage kids that we're using as bait or play pretending that we have kids underage and they get out and get to walk around. I mean, all we're trying to do is embarrass them with mug shots and then they have to, then they go. I mean the, the conviction rate on this is.

[Brady Bogan]

So are they registered after that?

[John Holmberg]

No, not necessarily. No. You get out of it. You're supposed to at first, but like you, you know, solicitation and things like that. And you can get in trouble for it for what you said, but if it wasn't with a real kid, your lawyers can say it wasn't a kid. He was talking to a 20 year old. Why you can't. They'll sue the city. You guys put a 20 year old in there, pretend. The real person pretending was the. Your side. You guys were lying. So it gets really kind of convoluted and none of them actually get. And then that one guy that just killed himself from To Catch a Predator, he went home and committed suicide. And then his family's like, NBC did this to him. Like, here's all the people we caught, here's their pictures. And you know, you wanted to publicly embarrass him. And in court he was found to be not guilty of felonies. It was misdemeanors. It was nothing. You tried to kill him and they did.

Your life's still wrecked Though it's doesn't matter if it's misdemeanors or felonies for.

A while for that. Yeah, but the felony sticks, you gotta put that down. Have you ever been?

No, I know, but I mean like far as, you know, like we said yesterday, perception is reality. As soon as somebody thinks, oh yeah.

You'Re screwed, oh, they remember you. And that's the hope of like you.

[Brady Bogan]

You showed up to the party, right?

[John Holmberg]

But when they have 20 people that they've, you know, arrested for this and only one, and it's only because of his position at asu, only one guy's face really gets prominently put up on tv. If his lawyers squeeze him out of there, you start looking at like, hey, you guys tried to wreck it too. But they don't have a good conviction of. Right. So it's fun for us to watch the stings, cuz like, good get them. We want them all going to jail. And the, the, the better risk is that you're, you're really kind of saying to yourself, you know, if you're, you know, the news outlets, what are the odds this dude, if he gets away with this or if he moves on that he's going to come sue us and just keep this alive. That guy wants that buried faster than anything. But if he, if he decides to sue channel, you know, 3, 5, 10, 12, whatever, and he says, I'll sue them, they're gonna do stories about it. We're being sued by Shin Shi you for, for putting it out there. And you know, Shin Shiu is going to try to get 20 million out of. He was, he was the one who met the 15 year old. The apartment complex or so we thought that was the story we told.

[Brady Bogan]

Even the exchange in text.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he's gonna have to read that again. They're gonna have to put that up.

[Brady Bogan]

You know, read that. But he's, you know, yes, he believes he's texting a 15 year old, but it's not right.

[John Holmberg]

So we need some real ones. We need some, we need some parents who are willing to put their kids on the line like I would if I had kids, you know, said when my wife went on a field trip with my daughter when she was in middle school and oh my God, the boys were all perverts. All boys at age 13 become aware of perversion. Some are good at it, some are horrible at it. But if you're online and you think you're Talking to a 15 year old, we have to make it so you actually are. So we can we can slap a felony on your ass. And if you do get loose, you still have to put that down on a job application and explain yourself, because I don't think there's any coming back from that. I don't think embarrassment cures that. I don't. All right, well, he's learned his lesson. See, if he tries that again, I think if you've got a desire for it, it. A little embarrassment, you know, keeps you away from it for a while. It's like drugs. Oh, that was a close call. I better be careful. I don't better stop liking 15 year olds. Well, that's a tall order for a guy who likes 15 year olds. I gotta stop liking those smooth boys. That's something you like or you don't like.

Don't ever say those words together again.

What smooth boys?

Somebody wants to know if Kid Grinder. Good band name.

Kid Grinder is a great band name. You got to spell it right. You can't have the E in there. Rapper Grindr. Kid Grinder is a good rapper. That's. Yeah. With little. Non.

Little Grinder.

Little. Little Kid Grinder. Oh, that's terrifying. But, yeah, I think. I think you got. I think you got to start trolling your children around. I hate to say that, but if I had kids, that's what I'd be doing. Be great. But these AI kids that they're putting out, that's gonna. These guys are gonna. I think AI is gonna change the game, that people who do have smooth boy tendencies will have an outlet and it won't be real kids. I don't think you get better from that. I don't think you grow out of it. I don't think. I think once you have that to the point where you're trolling on websites or even know what websites to go on. Yeah. You're irredeemable.

[Brady Bogan]

I wonder what it. You know. So the person that does time for that five years, I don't know, they come out and does it repeat again?

[John Holmberg]

Like, are you. Yeah, I'm better now. Yeah, man, good luck. But the news always makes a, you know, a spotlight on one of the guys and says, here's a guy that works at the college. He works over at asu. He's a professor. Well, all those kids are legal. They were safe. He worked at a high school. Forget it. But you got to be careful with that. Toledo should have done that with his boy. Now he's too old.

Put him up there.

Yeah, he should have trolled him out there on the Internet. Tried to catch some predators. And then when you get to court, like, yo, you were actually talking to a 15 year old. We had a volunteer dad put his kid on the block. You were actually talking to a 15 year old. He set you up. The key to what's going to be making it so the 15 year olds manipulate the predators, not the other way around. My world would work out so much better. Plus, it's. If you get caught Talking to a 15 year old about sex, to me in Holmberg land, that's immediate execution. And I know again, we're big on this due process thing this week. We haven't cared about it for years. Letting people just float across the border and then say, now who cares? Laws, blah, blah, blah. One guy gets deported and it's like, well, we gotta have due process then. I get it. We do. But there's your due process. If you. If Brett's Talking to a 15 year old online, like, guys, I got to tell you, I got busted. I went into her apartment. I was going to have sex with a 15 year old. You. You get the, you get the. The salad colander over your head that day. And we turn it on, roll on one. We're definitely doing the. The strainer on your head with the wires attached. There's no reason for you to redeem it. And you have to wear a shirt that says Smooth boys on it everywhere you go. If you just get caught like this guy did and it turned out to be a sting, we have to scarlet letter you with the sb. There has to be an SB on your car and an SB on all of your clothes. A patch you have to wear everywhere. Maybe even a tattoo on your forehead that says SB for smooth boys, because that's what you're looking for. And that way everyone would know I could fix this. No one wants to listen. Some guy brings up Mr. Orange did. Yeah, he was another one. He get.

Didn't he get busted again or something like that?

Dude, this guy like another getting it done. Yeah, yeah. He wasn't just part of stings. He was soliciting a lot at a high school. Like he wasn't even in a sting. He was actually trolling. He was father Dalen, as I like to. I've made it a verb now. He went out Father Dalen. And that day, you know, I don't know how nobody saw it. I actually remember sitting down with Jake Rowland, who was a director of discipline and a vice. Vince. Vice principal something. He was some. He was like third in charge. And I sat down and I Told him, I'm not comfortable with that man wandering around this school.

[Brett Vesley]

Who?

[John Holmberg]

Father Dale. The man in the dress. Why the hell is he bothering you? I'm like, because we're not supposed to have church at school. And he's making me uncomfortable. And I remember looking him in the eyes saying, if that was a Muslim guy, you guys would want him off the campus. Father Dale's a pillar in the community. Shouldn't be on our school. You don't know what you're talking about.

Yeah, but that back in the 80s and 90s that church could do no wrong in that neighborhood. I mean, yeah, obviously.

And the one jackass that said he should. Maybe that's why I didn't get asked out by Father Dale. Maybe Jake Rowland told that little blonde girl over there, he's, he's on to you, boy.

He CB'd you, huh?

Maybe. Yeah. Maybe Jake Rowland blocked me with Father Dale. Maybe I was on the radar. And then he's like, ooh, he's a tattle. Stay away from that ugly blonde one. Because I talked to Jake Rowland and Jake Rowland then hated me. Mr. Rowland. Call me Mr. Allen. No, I'm gonna call you Jake. Yeah, you got no respect for anybody. Like you don't have any respect for me. I said, I don't want a man in a dress walking around in my school for no reason. Who's trying to teach me about the Lord? What if I don't want to know? He's not doing anything wrong. Fast forward 10 years, he's railing three of the kids in my class. Well, he was arranging it so I was the smart one. And I would have very gladly, had I been better looking. Trolled for pedophiles in the name of justice. No one asked. It should be a extracurricular activity at school. It should be. You should earn a letter for it. You know, Letterman's jacket for trolling pedos. At from 3:30 to 5 every day you go online and troll pettos.

At Dobson.

You would have at Dobson, you know, killed it. And we just saved. We just saved some young kids lives.

[Brady Bogan]

You can do metal, wood. Wood scrap.

[John Holmberg]

Or catch pedos. Basketball, football, not real athletic. Math team. You want to be a mathlete? No, I'm not Asian. The only thing you can do is catch pedophiles. We got a whole, you know, and then the yearbook, the pedo catching team. And you got, you know, the photography lab and the kids who do Internet stuff and the pedos. It would have been the drama department. They'd have been great. At it. Little actors, you give them roles. Couldn't put our kids in that situation. Oh yeah, it's better to not do it and let these guys walk free. You're right. And some of you have some adult kids that could use a little extra credit for their college. You know, you're getting Cs and high Ds. You get them an extracurricular.

Oh, my dad would have thrown me out there.

Oh, really?

Extra credit? Get your ass in there.

[Brady Bogan]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

My dad would have volunteered. Oh, yeah, I think he's a twink already, so might as well get him.

What's the difference?

Get him trained either way. Got another one out there and that's big news. But if you're online and you think you're Talking to a 15 year old and you have to meet in a parking lot, you're going to be on tv. I don't want to protect you, but how dumb are you? This 15 year old wants to meet me in a parking lot because he lives with his parents. Like you can't troll for teens and meet in a parking lot. And how come these guys never invite the teens to their house? Why are they always going over to a teen's house or a park? You're an adult. Why don't they come to your place?

[Brady Bogan]

It is weird. I mean, when the To Catch a Predator was on where they just walk.

[John Holmberg]

Come on in, Come on in. I'll be down in a second on the couch. Well, a lot of times on To Catch a Predator they didn't show the girl. She was upstairs. Come in. Yeah, I'm upstairs. I'll be down in a second. Okay. There's diet Coke and chocolate chip cookies and.

[Brett Vesley]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

I drove all the way from Florida. I'm hungry.

[Brady Bogan]

She did a lot of laundry.

[John Holmberg]

She did tons of laundry and she was busy. She knew the guy was coming over to rail her. But she had some, she had some panties in the wash. Delicates, you know, Gotta finish her chores. Her parents would be furious. It made sense to the guy. So, yeah, you probably have your chore list on the fridge.

[Brady Bogan]

Two episodes with a dude, just, oh, why she's in there.

[John Holmberg]

I'll just completely strip down the naked guys. Well, Chris Hansen's been doing it in Mexico because evidently they got different rules there. So now it's Mexican to catch.

Oh, they do that now.

He. It's online and it's hilarious. Hola. He comes around the corner and almost all of them are sitting there with their dicks out going, ideal for me. And then he goes to a translator on his phone and tells him that they're perverts. Guess you're allowed to do it anyway. It's just Rules by Holmbergtopia would be a whole lot different, but I think you're being selfish. If you've got an adorable 15 year old and you're not trolling for predators, get out there and put those pricks in jail and make it stick. None of this stuff sticks. Bert, what do you got on the big board of musical treats? My ass hurts.

I got nothing. All right, Wake up Song brought to you by Action Ride Shop. And well, now's the time to get out there on the bikes, get them ready to go pick up a new one, rent one, do whatever. But it is bike season right now, so Action Ride Shop is your one stop shop. Full line of Santa Cruz pivot, Rocky Mountain, Kona. You name it, they got it. And if you're not sure you want to buy it, well, you can always rent there. They got the E bikes, they got regular bikes. And of course you got that bike in the garage. It's just been sitting there all summer long, all winter long. Well, now's the time to get it tuned up and bring it on over to Action Ride Shop.

[Larry McFeely]

Bench wrenches in town.

[John Holmberg]

Doesn't matter if you got Huffy.

What's a bench wrench? Yeah, well, start over.

Just start over again.

Best wrenches in town.

That too. That too. I'm still thinking of Smooth boys.

Yeah, it's been a very ass.

So best wrenches in town. Doesn't matter if you bought it there or not. Huffy to pivots. They can get it fixed for you.

Actionrideshop.com by the way, this is why Scott Haynes is one of our funniest listeners. If not our funniest listener. He just text over and he said Shen Woo woo went by Mr. Orange Chicken. We got Mr. Orange and Mr. Orange Chicken both. I like that he said. And by the way, Shin Wu Wu did send graphic photos to the 15 year old, but they were all pixelated so it does that count? That's true too. If you are trying to have a sexting with an Asian. Does he pixelate? Does it. Does his phone automatically do that? I got dick pics from Shin Woo Woo and it looks like I'm playing Minecraft. What do you got? All right.

On the list, Avenged Sevenfold, Mud Vein Tool Falling in Reverse, Great White One spitting for you.

Yeah.

Lamb of God, Danko Jones, Three Days Grace, August Burns, Red Velvet, Revolver Death, Boba Flex and Bullet boys. Smooth up in you.

So John, if you had your pedo club in the late 80s and 90s, Dobson, you guys would have won state like every year. Yeah, we were crushing it in that department. Pedo club would have been a monster.

[Brady Bogan]

The competitions between high schools.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, we got 30 this week. We are crushing, man. This guy says the best episode I ever watched was that per show and a guy named meat stick 44. And Chris did not stop hitting that meat stick 44. How you doing tonight, huh? Yeah, it's. It was a horrible, horrible thing when you found out that. I thought for sure. Cuz it was on tv. NBC was gathering all these dudes up, throwing him right in jail because he would always say, you're free to go. And they'd walk out and get tackled by the bushes.

It was the best ghillie suit up there.

I had guys going to jail for years. Nope. Released usually the next day. And then they did that disclaimer at the end that said most of the guys were let go and nobody was charged with anything serious. And I'm like, what am I watching? It's the embarrassment show. It was the shame show, which I really like. But if the charges don't stick. And then the dude started fighting back. One killed himself right there on tv and then the other dude started to sue NBC Buckeye sweatshirt because he was in Ohio. Brady. They were mostly from Ohio. Yeah, it was a. It's a pastime. It's on the state flag. That convoluted state flag has a little boy in the corner like, like quivering. Oh, hey. Oh, God. Once bitten. Seems about right.

All right.

And Jack Russell and Great White are back out on the road. Except for Jack Russell.

Minus Jack Russell.

Yeah. Jack Russell died. And the boys from Great White said.

That'S not even. Yeah, the guys from Great White, Russell's.

Band, they've decided to keep going.

Yeah.

Without. And it was called Jack Russell's Great White.

Yeah.

Like he put his name on it on purpose.

[Brady Bogan]

They're like, they went to the band and you guys want to continue to play? We'll step in.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I mean, Jack Russell was known to be a humongous prick, so they're probably happy not touring with him. And the tours are going to be more fun for them. But who wants to see Great White sing all of the songs that you've never heard outside of one? They had two songs total. Right. Once Bitten and then like. Well, Catero would you. Don't ask a fan.

Right.

Because he'd. Oh, man. Actually rattled off about 12 big hits.

Yeah. John Gordon will tell you.

John Gordon will say, oh, no. That first album topped about like, nope, nope. What were the hits? And they. Can't they get upset with it?

What was the other one?

Oh, Rock Me, Rock Me. And then you ask a fan of theirs.

Yeah.

And they'd be like, well, that's why Radio Sucks is because they wouldn't play that stuff. Like why we played Cinderella's Everything. Why would. Why were they shunned even back then when that stuff. How did you find out about your music back in 1988? Radio sucks because they didn't play a lot of great ones. White. You'd be surprised how many Great White songs you'd like. I would. I would. Because after two, I'd be shocked if any of them. If any of them grabbed me, especially now. But I was bitten. You can see the pictures of the bite on my ass from whatever beast snuck up my pant leg or perhaps laid naked with me in bed or got me on my outside on the turf. I don't know. I do a lot of ground sitting now with that turf because I don't have to worry about wet grass or stains or anything. Turf is.

[Brady Bogan]

Pants are on right when you're sitting on the turf.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, okay. But I don't wear drawers, so it's an easy sneak up that pant leg. I don't know. We'll do a little bit of this in honor of the late, great Jack Russell and his band that's touring without him. That's just proof they have no respect for him.

Quiet Riot's doing it. There's not an original member in the band anymore.

That's the crazy thing about them, is that all the guys from the time that the songs were hits, they're. They don't. They're not.

[Brady Bogan]

It might be.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know who these guys.

[Brady Bogan]

60 people in choir.

[John Holmberg]

Quiet. Right. Well, it's. You're down to like five guys that, like, knew the original guys. They're like on the third generation of it.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. The current band.

[John Holmberg]

Weird. Like, they. They might have known the lead singer, but it was at. At a reunion show. They never actually played together. It's Great White Touring this summer. It's Once Bitten, Twice Shy for my ass. It's 98. It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.

[Brady Bogan]

No membership.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this.

Hey, Byron. I heard you have something new to announce from MMP Guns.

Brett.

[H]

I sure do. It's M and P Guns customs. M and P Guns is creating Some amazing firearms. We offer polishing, plating, bluing, custom laser engraving, laser stippling, cerakoting and performance upgrades. We do everything in house with our master trained craftsmen. You can select our designs or make up your own.

[John Holmberg]

Well, can you do this to my gun?

[H]

We can new it to nearly any firearm. Doesn't matter where you live, you can ship it to us or we already have completed firearms in inventory daily with no wait.

[John Holmberg]

Well, there you have at MMP Guns on the northeast corner of 12th street and Indian School or online at MMP GunsCustoms.com It's John Holmberg here.

Time to talk about TV's Doug Hopkins of my home group and doughotkins.com TV's Doug Hopkins. He has built and established his brand and company in a way that just has no competition. Doug's been here for a long time. He set the Standard for over 25 years and he just keeps getting better. And that said, if you want to sell your house for cash to Doug as is, he'll make you that that offer. Start the process online Doug hopkins.com or listen to the Doug Hopkins singers. Fisher Tools has been the valley's trusted source for professional grade tools for over 60 years. Family owned for three generations, they offer the largest selection of power tools from Milwaukee, Makita, Dewalt and more. They also specialize in tool repair including hydraulics like Burndy and commercial electric contractor tools as well as having a state of the art on site glove testing facility. Visit Fisher Tools in store or [e-mail] and use promo code KUPD for 10 off your order. Fisher Tools brands you know, service you trust. Morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself.

He's evil sitting right here.

Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. There you go. Absolute zero. It's stone sour everybody. And we're closing it on the Doug Hopkins pricing game. Oh, that nightmare of the Doug Hopkins pricing game is making some people crazy. I bet a lot of emails of people very angry at me for spending too much on doordash. Do you ever cook? Like, calm down. This is not about me. What do you get? Doordash every night. Jesus Christ, Rockefeller. I'm like, don't make this about money. Maybe I overspend on doordash a little bit. I will spend for convenience. They're there at your house all the time. It's five receipts. You don't know how far back these go.

[Brady Bogan]

I slacked on the receipt last week, too.

[John Holmberg]

You're fine. Yeah. You got one, Rockefeller. Get your hands out of my pockets. This one's gonna blow your mind today, though. Speaking of blowing your mind, I made a huge mistake of introducing TVs Doug Hockman's to Meta glasses.

[Brady Bogan]

That's all he's wearing now.

[John Holmberg]

Well, not only is it all he's wearing, you can make phone calls on it.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, boy.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, Meta, call John. And that's happening a lot. And he just learned it last night. Here's. Here's a photo of TV's Doug Hopkins laying topless in bed on the phone with me.

Oh, come on.

In his Meta glasses. I know. I'm calling you from my glasses. And I'm like, I'm wearing mine, too. We're talking to each other through glasses. I'm like, I know. Go. I can hear you breathe. There is nothing about this conversation that we need to continue. Shut up.

[Brady Bogan]

Anyway, whether 30 second pauses.

[John Holmberg]

No, we don't.

[Brady Bogan]

You're in town.

[John Holmberg]

No, not with. No. I have told him very similar things. Shannon told that girl, I'm gonna choke you, Doug. I don't want to get choked. Well, I don't think you have a choice in the matter. I think it was the exact same verbiage. But then he's telling me last night, how do you get messages? How do I send messages on here? And I'm like, well, you just have to go, hey, Meta, send John a message. And you want to go through messenger or whatever you're using. No, I'm just using basic messages. I'm like, all right. I'm like, google this, Doug. You Google it. I'm like, no, you Google this. I'm not. I'm not. Meta's support. But my phone rings, and now my little glasses will say, incoming call from Doug Hopkins. Oh, no. And I haven't figured out how to do the homework, the muted homework. I don't know how to mute mute without using my actual phone. But he's got.

[Brady Bogan]

Can't you ask Meta?

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna post that picture of Doug on.

[Brady Bogan]

Hey, Meta. Mute.

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna do it. Toledo. It looks, by the way, Doug looks great in the glasses. He might be wearing them in his next. His next TV commercial. He's very excited about it. He's laying down with his shirt off and his glasses talking to me. It's fun. So if you get a call from Doug, it's usually from his glasses. Or if you call Doug Hopkins 1-800-cell. Now, he might answer on his face. So he might have it right there on his nose. His phone. He's very excited about it but it just means more phone calls I got to try to figure out to get around. But we got the $5,000 giveaway in a little bit. We'll tell you the receipt in a second. In the meantime, Brady has all the news that only he knows. It's called the Brady Report and it's brought to you by our friends at all Pro Shade Concepts, Arizona's best patio shade shades. Shade up that space in your backyard that's got too much sun in it. The shades are commercial grade industrial strength custom fit to your house down to an eighth of an inch. There are no gaps, there are no problems. The installation is done right there by their in house team. The installers are experts at what they do and they've been doing it for years. Put some shade on your house today. Make it happen. All pro shade.com Brady Report it good.

[Brady Bogan]

Thursday morning to you Phoenix. Hello world.

[John Holmberg]

Hi.

[Brady Bogan]

Happy national pigs in a blanket day.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady Bogan]

Never would have known that today you can celebrate.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't even know where to get them. I just sent Toledo a picture of Doug with a shirt off came up on Toledo's wristwatch. It's disturbing.

[Brady Bogan]

Couple of basis fun facts. The MLB team that had the most in season babies.

[John Holmberg]

A baseball team that had the most babies during the year because Shohei Ohtani just his girl gave birth.

[Dick Toledo]

Ben Zobrist.

[John Holmberg]

Whatever.

[Brady Bogan]

No, not play the entire team. The Rays, the Cleveland Guardians.

[John Holmberg]

What?

[Brady Bogan]

Since the paternity list was instituted in 2011, Cleveland has had 27 players go on leave more than any other team. The LA Angels had the least with just six paternity absences.

[John Holmberg]

Interesting. I'm trying to think of a team that had the most like Dominicans on it.

That's what I was. That's what I was going like Florida, Tampa Bay somewhere down there.

That's why I said that the Dodgers would have been my choice though most Mexicans most.

[Brady Bogan]

They would keep the most Japanese. They're higher in Jimmy hats.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I'm trying to think of a lot.

Of pixelation on the Dodgers.

The Dodgers now have gone full 8 Asian. There's no Mormon baseball. No.

[Dick Toledo]

No.

[John Holmberg]

That's a tough one. Cleveland. It must have one guy just busting the curve on the football would be.

[Dick Toledo]

The Samoan teams, right?

[Brady Bogan]

I would up the curve.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. But would that bring family?

[Dick Toledo]

I think so.

[Brady Bogan]

You've promised that you won't use Apple Apple's music app to make nuclear or chemical weapons. And you don't even realize it. That's a line in the terms and conditions you agreed to.

[John Holmberg]

Son of a bitch. I'm canceling.

What's it say?

[Brady Bogan]

You've promised that you won't use Apple's music app to make nuclear or chemical weapons.

[John Holmberg]

I promised that or they told me. I guess that's something you read and.

You didn't read all that.

Come on, South Park. I remember seeing something about it.

[Dick Toledo]

Nuclear.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man, was somebody gonna do that?

Well, screw you, Apple Music. I'm going to Spotify then.

[Brady Bogan]

Got to be in there for a reason.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, cuz now I'm curious. Like, what's in that algorithm? What's in that program that makes it so. Boy, if they. If they want to stop listening to Dua Lipa, they're two steps away from Adam Fusion. Like, really, If I don't listen to illusion, there's something in there, they go, what else do you want to do with Apple Music? I'm like, I don't know.

[Brady Bogan]

Know.

[John Holmberg]

Can we split atoms? Sure, easy. You promised you wouldn't, though. Well, I. I've broken promises before. Look, right, what's my.

[Dick Toledo]

What's my repercussions?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Well, you have a nuclear. You. You have nuclear capabilities. It's a lot of folks upset about that. There's your repercussions. The Israelis are going to bomb your house.

[Dick Toledo]

But my point is, do I not get to download Dr. Dre anymore?

[John Holmberg]

Well, you can download them. You can still use it for music. It's just Hamilton Brothers. Yeah. You start dancing around the wrong thing. Thing. Is there a song? Nuke the. Nuke Them Till the Ground Glows is like a country song, I think, or something like that. They has to be. Absolutely. They're all about waving a flag and blowing up foreigners.

[Brady Bogan]

Before Hugo Boss became the international fashion Company, I mean, a lot of us knew that they made the uniforms for the Nazis. No one knew until 1997 when the company showed up on a list of Swiss bank accounts and the company admitted knitted their Nazi ties. I didn't know.

[John Holmberg]

Honestly, I keep that quiet too.

[Brady Bogan]

It's just. Yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Every year that went by, they're like, we're getting away with this. Like, nobody's ever gonna know.

It's not a selling point.

It says something you're just not real proud of. Later they find, look, 40 years later, 50 years later, they're kind of like, oh, no. Well, we should probably say something. I don't think people are still going to be that mad.

[Brady Bogan]

Americans always picture Godzilla being Green. But in the Japanese movie he was never green.

[John Holmberg]

It was gray, wasn't he?

[Brady Bogan]

He was gray. Charcoal gray.

[John Holmberg]

I never thought he was green either. Get the. I used to.

[Brady Bogan]

Yes, I did.

[John Holmberg]

When I was a little kid. When you'd have a Godzilla toy. I didn't want the green one. It was the cheap.

[Brady Bogan]

That's all they had.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, you get the gray one. I had a big gray one. It's cool. Mothra was also gray. It was the only two I had. Mothra was cool. Cool. No wait. I had Gamera, the spinning turtle. Mothra was the actual moth.

[Dick Toledo]

Is that the three headed one? No, Mothra was the monster.

[John Holmberg]

I think that's Greek mythology. I don't think that's in.

[Dick Toledo]

Well, they had the three headed.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, there is that one.

[John Holmberg]

I just remember Gamma had the. It was the turtle. That's the one I remember. Yeah, that was the cheap one. That's green. You don't want that.

550 bucks.

No kidding. Should have got the green one.

[Dick Toledo]

No kidding.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, mine was gray. It was big too. Mine was like a foot. It was like a 12 inch. It was as big as my O.J. simpson doll.

[Dick Toledo]

King Gaidora.

[John Holmberg]

I wish I still had that dragon. Man. I wish I still had that O.J. simpson doll. It was the best.

[Dick Toledo]

Rodan was the pterodactyl.

[John Holmberg]

That's kind of the one I had right there. That's. That's a little bit better than mine.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, and then his little offspring.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Little. Little Godzilla. Little Zill. Yeah, yeah. That's kind of like the one I had. It didn't come with the sun. He hadn't procreated with girl Godzilla.

[Dick Toledo]

He calling it Godzilla online.

[John Holmberg]

But did he have to have sex with a girl Godzilla? Where's she? Or is he one of those things that lays its own eggs? I don't know how he works. He's nuclear. Made him on Apple.

I he.

Good point. Why am I being so bigoted towards. Sure. Hey you think about it.

What pronoun is he shows up furious.

Shows up furious once a month and wrecks everything. Godzilla was a woman.

[Brady Bogan]

April is a national distracted driving awareness month. And in a new report 86% of drivers admission admit to being distracted by technology usually by their phones. But that's not the only thing that keeping our focus off the road. Getting ready while driving. 27% of drivers admit to working on their appearance while driving.

[John Holmberg]

Still getting running a little late and throwing some makeup on. We're talking about ladies. Are guys still combing their hair. In the mirror.

[Brady Bogan]

Or doing their nails.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Brady Bogan]

Eating while driving. Brady, 72% of people who eat while driving admit they've tried some risky meals like soup, barbecue ribs, or a bowl of hot soup.

[John Holmberg]

You've done that. You've eaten a ribbon driven.

[Brady Bogan]

No lies. No lies.

[John Holmberg]

You've cracked.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't want to. We were eating anything that gets on the fingers of the hands.

[John Holmberg]

You don't have to worry about that. You worked at Porkopolis. You're telling me not once did you drive home with a little styrofoam box and reach in there and pull out some ribs.

[Brady Bogan]

You're correct.

[John Holmberg]

You liar. You're a liar.

[Brady Bogan]

Creating content.

[John Holmberg]

What do you mean you don't like things in your hands? You had sauce motos.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, but the. Let's not get my fingers in the sauce.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he's dainty.

[Brady Bogan]

He's dainty. You kept the fry in the fries.

[John Holmberg]

I get it. But you're still eating sauced materials. How are we to know you didn't just break out those Porkopolis ribs naked and then put some sauce tins in your. Didn't do it. Well, I don't believe you. I think he's. I think he's in denial.

[Brady Bogan]

Creating content while driving. 74 of people say the most embarrassing distraction is filming videos or creating social media content while driving.

[John Holmberg]

How about. Did you. Have you ever eaten with utensils? No, you have not.

[Brady Bogan]

No.

[John Holmberg]

You have not had something in your center console. You've.

[Brady Bogan]

With a utensil. No way.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, like a cake. You've had a slice of cake.

[Brady Bogan]

So you know if you have utensils.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, I'm saying that he's driving along and it's soft, smooth, moist, delicious.

[Dick Toledo]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

And he drops the fork right down. Wanted ice cream.

[Brady Bogan]

Now I've had.

[John Holmberg]

Cancelled. You've eaten a frost. That's right.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't do it driving.

[John Holmberg]

You do much.

[Brady Bogan]

But I blizzard. I've had a blizzard.

[John Holmberg]

Stop lights. And you've had a spoon in it. That's huge.

[Brady Bogan]

But most of the time when I'm driving, I'm not spoon. I it. I don't do it too often. I didn't say park.

[John Holmberg]

Look.

[Dick Toledo]

What are you eating it with?

[John Holmberg]

Like pedophile. Yeah, you park and stare into the distance and just. You don't pull over for it. That's making love.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, but only on stops.

[John Holmberg]

Now you're spooning at the door, in the driver's seat. You spoon food into your mouth.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, but.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, okay. That's all I'm asking. I didn't say it's every time.

[Brady Bogan]

No, but when the car is like, if it's rolling, I'm not spooning.

[John Holmberg]

Come on.

[Brady Bogan]

You're mid spoon.

[Dick Toledo]

When the light goes green.

[John Holmberg]

You're lying to all.

[Brady Bogan]

No, no. I want that red light to last long.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you're lying to all of us, but most importantly, you're lying to yourself. Yourself. We know for a fact that you've steered with your little thighs and spooned out some Frosty. I've seen you with a Frosty.

[Brady Bogan]

You're on the Frosty, but not really. It's on the.

[John Holmberg]

Brady stops him. Stop it. This is. You can only help yourself if you tell the truth. This is. You've frosted up a spoonful now and again while the car's in motion.

Does ice cream count? Like, you know, like.

Spooning.

If there's not any of that, there's.

A McDonald's cone that's available. That dude's face is covered in it. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Never done that. The McDonald's cone.

[John Holmberg]

Sunday.

[Dick Toledo]

Never a Sunday.

[Brady Bogan]

Sunday. But I've never had the.

[John Holmberg]

You've never done a cone.

And if you've had a sundae, the only way to eat it is with a spoon. And there is no way. There is no way you haven't cracked the top of that little plastic thing.

[Brady Bogan]

No, I did. I've never driven with the Sunday liars.

[John Holmberg]

Lies.

[Brady Bogan]

I've had my Sundays in the McDonald's.

[John Holmberg]

No. Lies. And you've felt that warm fudge at the bottom of the McFlurry. You're digging that spoon deep. And the McFlurry, you have to eat with a spoon. Spoon. You have driven shot.

[Dick Toledo]

But can you.

[Brady Bogan]

The Frosty and McFlurry, that would be.

[John Holmberg]

You have driven with your knees. Okay, fine.

[Brady Bogan]

Not with the knees.

[John Holmberg]

And spooned out some McFlurry. Yeah, I can do it with you Just don't drive. You just let it free bird for a little while while you're spooning it out. You don't even have the decency to steer with your legs for a second. I can't reach.

[Dick Toledo]

You know what it is? Does that new Lincoln have that lane?

[Brady Bogan]

It does.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[Brady Bogan]

That's why.

[John Holmberg]

That's it. So you use technology so you can have a meal. Y.

[Brady Bogan]

Technology kicked in.

[Dick Toledo]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Why don't you have a Tesla? Just let it drive while you enjoy a steak.

He's got a tomahawk out there.

[Brady Bogan]

He's going to town.

[John Holmberg]

Kirby's in the back. I need some more Pellegrino. Did you get another dash of that baby? Watson, Those potatoes are.

[Brady Bogan]

Pass the potatoes, John. We have a lazy Susan in the john.

[Dick Toledo]

I'm a seismologist out here in California and our seismometers are registering the amount of bs.

[John Holmberg]

A lot of bull right there.

[Brett Vesley]

What?

[John Holmberg]

He was arguing again? No, the semantics of his argument was he's not steering with his legs. He doesn't even have the decency to keep us safe with some thigh driving. He just takes his hands and legs off the wheel and lets it coast for a while while he has to have some of that Frosty.

[Brady Bogan]

I assume you can get a spoon in in three seconds.

[John Holmberg]

So you. Here's the other thing I'm thinking you probably do. You put the Frosty in your cup holder. Holder. That way you can one hand it and then.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, I haven't done that.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, you.

[Brady Bogan]

No, no, no, I haven't thought about that. That's a good move. Now there it is.

[John Holmberg]

You know why I haven't thought about it? Because you're in a food race.

[Brady Bogan]

It doesn't last long.

[John Holmberg]

You're in a blinding, forgettable food rage. It's like when people kill and then they. They black it out. What do they call that? Your repressed memories. Yeah, I've seen you with a Frosty. It's not human. And you have put that in the center of a console and eaten it. Not real. Realized it's half gone by the time you get home.

[Brady Bogan]

Too much of a gap from the cup holder to the. Of dripping in the car stuff's.

[John Holmberg]

So do you have a little like a. Like a coach's whistle with a holder around your neck so it just goes straight.

[Brady Bogan]

That would be a great invention.

[Dick Toledo]

Brady, come on, stop shaming your family name. I admit it. I'll eat a whole Panda Express meal.

[Brady Bogan]

As I'm driving.

[John Holmberg]

That I want to see. And the person I want to see.

[Brett Vesley]

Do it.

[John Holmberg]

Will do it today. His name is Brady. Brady. There's no doubt in my mind. You've utensiled up a meal, Brady.

[Dick Toledo]

The array of food that you have. There's no way you haven't driven home with a bucket of KFC or a bucket of Fazoli's and not grab them.

[Brady Bogan]

You don't need utensils for the kfc.

[John Holmberg]

You've eaten fried chicken. Yep. Who hasn't while you're driving?

Who hasn't while you're driving?

No, you're saying his reaction was. Why is that shocking? That's. And you don't want any sauce on you. But that greasy Ass chicken will be on your finger. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

The original recipe napkin.

[John Holmberg]

You wrap it.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Put a condom on drums.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't think he really have done that.

[John Holmberg]

I don't think he realizes how sick he is. He wraps a condom around the chicken leg and eats it.

[Dick Toledo]

John, is bag fries a violation? Because I think everybody does.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody does bag fries. Everyone does. Backfires. You can't not do bag fries. They taste good.

[Brady Bogan]

Great. And I don't have to eat. And no ketchup.

[John Holmberg]

No. I don't usually catch moto for then raising cane sauce.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, right.

[John Holmberg]

I forgot.

[Brady Bogan]

A poll found the Average parent takes 1,000 photos of their kid in the first year. About three a day.

[John Holmberg]

It's too many. You need about four. Oh, ready? I've got it right here. $5,000 dollars to somebody out there. You call. You're not getting it every day. You get it at May 3, you get it at you fest. But you got a qualifier. Here is today's order Rockefeller.

Which order this time?

This one is a little Rockefeller. I'm looking at this like what was I thinking? All right. Service fee was $6.76. Delivery fee was 2 bucks. I threw a $6 tip on here. This is. This is too much. I overspent. This is. This is dumb. Dough bird. I like doughburd. One pepperoni, fresh mozzarella, roasted mushrooms as well. One pizza and one order of chicken wings plain. Brady was gonna eat them in the car. So we. One pepperoni, fresh mozzarella and roasted mushroom. One order of chicken wings from Dover. You guess the price. Text 97936. Guess the price. Exactly. We qualify you to be drawn. Toledo calls you and says congratulations, you're going to you fest. You're one of six people that might win $5,000. And all you got to do is guess a price. It's as simple as that. Doug Hopkins amazing game. Brady was is your guess Dober. Good stuff. You haven't been to Dover. They just opened one up on Camelback in Central. What do you mean I gotta do it again? What are you doing? Calculating.

[Brady Bogan]

What do you got? I did. I have a calculator. But I put the decimal point in the wrong number and threw it off.

[John Holmberg]

Thousands of dollars.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You might not be that far off. It's a little expensive for a pizza and some wings. Wait a minute.

[Dick Toledo]

When you calculate this, you're. You're adding cents to his order to.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Come on, rookie. Wow. But of course he's kept us all safe on the roads by never ever. This is again. Look at him. He's in a blind frenzy right there. Brett, do you have a guess with just a brain guess like a normal person.

7435.

[Brady Bogan]

Pepperoni pizza, water wings.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

And then the service charges a tip.

[John Holmberg]

14.

[Brett Vesley]

14.

[John Holmberg]

15 bucks on that. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

61.68.

[John Holmberg]

All right. You say 61.68 and you said what? 74.

74.

One of you is within $4. How about that? I'm not saying either direction either. It's an eight dollar swing on each of those. One of you is within four bucks. What was your guess again?

[Brady Bogan]

6168.

[John Holmberg]

And you?

7434.

[Brady Bogan]

5.

[John Holmberg]

One of you is within four dollars. Who is it though? You got a text. Find out. And no decimal points. 9 7, 93 6. Text away. Maybe win $5,000. As easy as that? Just guess a price, for Christ's sake. Bob Barker and Drew Carey have done it for 60 years. It's a popular thing. Good luck to all of you. Doug Hopkins might meet you right there at you fest. Give you a check for 5,000 bucks.

We have a shirt off and his meta glasses on.

He doesn't wear a shirt a lot of times. Evidently he will be wearing the meta glasses, that's for sure. Ready? Continue.

[Brady Bogan]

Speaking of pizza, Mirko de Agata, the executive chef of pizzeria number 900, just won the world's best Neapolitan pizza award in Las Vegas. I gotta go to this.

[John Holmberg]

All right, calm down.

[Brady Bogan]

Where is world pizza competition?

[John Holmberg]

How have they not had one of those in your storm drain?

[Brady Bogan]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

You guys have food contests in it? Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

Especially with the backyard pizza ovens everybody's got now.

[Brady Bogan]

And this.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. And Gilbert with the keep up with the Joneses pizza ovens that they never use.

[Brady Bogan]

Can you imagine you use it once or twice.

[John Holmberg]

Sure. Calm down, calm down. I'm not saying. Jesus Christ. They have the let's kill Brady in the storm drain contest. It would be a pizza contest.

[Brady Bogan]

So pizzeria number 900. The other thing is, dude's Canadian.

[John Holmberg]

They can do things.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, that's what they're saying. Hey, Canada, we make the best pizza in Canada.

[John Holmberg]

That's what they're saying. Canada has pizza Brady. It's very Americanized. Look out, Trump. You got a supporter in Brady.

[Brett Vesley]

I agree, Brady.

[John Holmberg]

It's why in the world they're eating our food. They're doing. They're being white like us. Why don't we just make a mistake?

[Brady Bogan]

I got to get the heads up the. On the International pizza.

[Dick Toledo]

That's the one thing you would be openly honest about with your neighbors? About how bad their pizza is?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't know that you know what pizza is. Are you Canadian?

[Brady Bogan]

Tell you what, those pizza ovens, they. You gotta burn to learn.

[John Holmberg]

All right, that's enough. You think. You think this stuff would be interesting to someone? It's just not, Brady. We're gonna have it as a state. They make pizza pie. I didn't know that. They're very American. Americ.

[Brady Bogan]

That's what we call slicer.

[John Holmberg]

My favorite slice is the one in my hand. I'll tell you that right now. That's for sure.

[Brady Bogan]

This 33 year old USPS worker named Caitlin Dye, she was arrested for DUI in Florida earlier this month while on duty. She must have been blitzed too, because witnesses called the police when they saw the USPS mail truck driving the wrong way on a road.

[John Holmberg]

Road.

[Brady Bogan]

While the driver was throwing plastic cups out of the vehicle, the truck was also swerving in the lane, making U turns. Officers pulled Caitlyn over and she appeared confused and disoriented. She failed the field sobriety test. Cop ask her if she had been drinking and she admitted that she'd been invited into a house party on a route. She went in and drank two shots of vodka. I think she did more than that. Mid.

[John Holmberg]

What a lightweight.

Mid route, I think. Oh, there it is. Somebody just emailed and said, what kind of Jew tip is six bucks? I'm like, first off, it's delivery. Second, service fee and delivery charge was eight bucks.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

So, yeah, whatever, Rockefeller.

[John Holmberg]

That's exactly right. You're gonna hit me with server charges and delivery feedback fees. I assume the tip for delivery has been covered.

[Dick Toledo]

I've explained that to the driver too, before.

[John Holmberg]

I don't. I don't talk to the driver. I don't care about that. You're only picking up and dropping off. You didn't slave over this. Yeah. You're just fine with that. And I think Delivery stuff is 15, 20% for delivery. They don't get the whole shebang. You're not getting 20, 25 just for driving it to my house. Yeah, especially if you're charging me service fees and gas and all that. I'm like, oh, okay, we're covering all your expenses here. I'm gonna drop you a little extra, but it's not gonna be the full 20 on top of that. Don't call me it. Screw you.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, here we go.

[John Holmberg]

Eat a D, Aaron. I tip amazing in restaurants. Deliveries. Eh, eh. You Get a good amount. You're getting tipped. But it's not gonna be crazy unless you do something great. Hey, stop making my bag of food smell like pot the entire time too. Maybe that'll cut. Have my son been delivering to you? Dude, the last order I got smelled so much like pot, I almost didn't eat it. Like, I think my food's high.

[Brady Bogan]

Congratulations to Liesel Benecki. She's in the Guinness World record book for the largest collection of minions. She started collecting them in 2020 10, and now she's got a thousand 35 minion characters in her house and she's got everything. There's a picture of her in her minion robe.

[John Holmberg]

How old is she?

It doesn't matter. Single I'd like to make. To make a prediction that this is not the. Oh, I'm in. I'm in a trance. She's also going to be in the record books in a little while for world's oldest female version. She's going to never have sex with anyone. Anyone. There's the second you go in there and see all those little yellow eyeballs.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, well, she either did before she started collecting. She has a daughter.

[John Holmberg]

It's not hers. Yeah, it's not.

She'd inherited it.

Yeah, that was passed down.

Sister's a tweaker or something, so.

Yeah, that's one of those. Oh, my sister got pregnant at 12. I'll take it. Yeah. Or then how about this? Then she'll be in the record books and go, oh, I'm having another trip. Trance world's most impressive regrowth of a hyman. I think will be the next time she think she's going to be able to get us confirm.

[Brady Bogan]

It does grow.

[John Holmberg]

It does grow back. And it grows back. It looks like a. A giant hot air balloon hanging off the front of her.

[Dick Toledo]

Yikes.

[John Holmberg]

It's going to. Because it's. It's got a scream for attention. Yeah. The also. Oh, oh, oh, oh. She's gonna be in the record book again. Also for tightest vagina in the world. Most impenetrable space on earth. Have an easier time breaking into Fort Knox.

[Brady Bogan]

Got a couple of radio videos.

[Brett Vesley]

All right, we're going to learn a.

[Brady Bogan]

Little something on this first one.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, God.

[Brady Bogan]

About a festival that happens in Indonesia. A small town.

[John Holmberg]

I'm scared.

[Brady Bogan]

It's called the Manini Festival. Every few years, families lovingly exhume the bodies of their deceased loved ones and dress them up and hang out with them for the afternoon. Parade them around. I'm looking At Meemaw. You'll see. Yike. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

How are we just now seeing this?

[Brady Bogan]

I know.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, where is this?

[Brady Bogan]

Indonesia. Indonesia.

[John Holmberg]

To try. Every few years, families lovingly exhume their ancestors, dress them in fresh clothes and celebrate with them as if they never left. After the celebration, they place them back.

[Brady Bogan]

One dude with the makeup is a.

[John Holmberg]

Way to honor the dead and keep their memory alive. These people return makeup. Put a smoke in that one guy's mouth. How this might be like cigarettes. So much part of a death festival in Indonesia tribe. Every few years, families love. I gotta tell you, their ancestors dress them in fresh cloth, well preserved, as if they never left. They don't look that much different than the living. People holding coffins this unique. Called that. That last one that looked a little bit like it was from Star Wars. Might be. I've never heard of this. That's something we just now know. Shouldn't we have nuked that area?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, probably.

[John Holmberg]

We got to get rid of them. That's. They're toying around with dead bodies. There's something wrong with the entire culture. Culture.

[Brady Bogan]

The next one is some broads coming out of the BJ's restaurant. Kind of hot. And this is a little takedown. She's a little upset or something.

[Dick Toledo]

Like faster. She's hot?

[Brady Bogan]

No, she's coming out mad in a car.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, she's a human on foot. She's gonna talk to the cops. Cops are on the way. Oh, she's. Oh, the cop. Military takedown. Yes, that was a form tackle. Heads up, place 60. She charges the cop and he's like, no, no, no. Nobody walks towards me like that.

[Dick Toledo]

Drops her ass y wind out of her, you hear?

[John Holmberg]

I. And then another cop sits on her feet. Listen, how's it going, sir?

[Brady Bogan]

Are you.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, man, I could watch that a thousand times. She's waving her arms like Conor McGregor walking towards that cop. He's having none of it. Oh, that is the best tackle I've seen in a long time. Military takedown. Oh, I love that. Do it again. Show that lady getting black. What did she. She was complaining she got overcharged.

[Brady Bogan]

She's sitting on the patio and they called because she wouldn't leave or something.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man. And he gets her off the ground. I mean, that is. That's on the COVID of NFL's greatest hits. That is a clean tag.

[Dick Toledo]

Slow center grab.

[Brady Bogan]

Head to the side.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, you don't want to go to the ground with your head to the side. Side, cuz then you'll knock yourself out. He's got it. He's got a little too far under her arm, cuz. As they hit the ground, his head's first in. But yeah, he. He turns it sideways and makes sure her body hits first. What a shot. He's going to the Pro Bowl.

[Brady Bogan]

And this is some footage from the. The Pope that we haven't seen. We've seen him. You know, he met a smack the.

[John Holmberg]

Lady he hit that woman shook that kid.

[Brady Bogan]

This one I missed.

[John Holmberg]

Here it is. It says, pope's meeting a black guy bends down. A guy in a red dress is kissing the Pope in his wheelchair.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm like, watch the reactions.

[John Holmberg]

Hold on a second. He kissed. He kissed the white cardinal on the lips and the black cardinal. It was like somebody was throwing AIDS.

[Brady Bogan]

At him and watching slow motion.

[John Holmberg]

How happy. Oh, he hates shaking hands with that black. That guy. Wow.

[Brady Bogan]

That was on Palm Sunday too.

[John Holmberg]

That was just last week.

[Brady Bogan]

I think so.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that first guy died of whatever the Pope has. He kissed him a little. A little Tom Brady style. Lip to lip. That black pope got the treatment. They didn't think he could walk, but he almost ran out of that wheelchair.

[Brett Vesley]

But if you.

[John Holmberg]

You can't hear it. But in. He screams in. In Spanish. My wallet. Police. Yeah. When he said he was going to meet a black cardinal, he thought Ozzy Smith was going to be there. He was very disappointed.

Hello, Bob Gibson.

All right, you got videos, Brett? Yeah. All right, make it happen.

I'll be quick about it. I normally wouldn't show this, but it's a dog fight. But it's funny of what happens.

Dogs are fighting in a park. There's a lot of screaming. One dog has another dog. It's a German shepherd and a poodle.

Watch to the right.

Okay, here comes two more dogs. Watch one lady dog slanting, trying to walk two dogs. And these two dogs want to see what's going on. And they are dragging a human being across the park. Oh, that's terrible. I just look like. Like that German shepherd had the dog by the back. He wasn't shaking or doing anything crazy, but it wasn't good.

Drugs are an amazing thing.

Okay. Oh, there's a naked. There's the guy the Pope was trying to meet.

[Brady Bogan]

Brother, come on, man, put some clothes on.

[Chris Porter]

Think about the kids.

[John Holmberg]

They just run headlong into a park car.

[I]

Oh, my God.

[Brady Bogan]

No way. Yeah, he's taking cars out.

[John Holmberg]

Running head first into park.

[Brady Bogan]

Like Oklahoma. Drill with the car. Cars.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I need to see the naked black man running headlong into parked cars. Let me hear the first One again, man.

[Chris Porter]

The new humans, man.

[Brady Bogan]

Look, he going head up with cars, man. Brother, come on, man.

[John Holmberg]

Put some clothes on. Think about the kids.

[Brady Bogan]

Takes like a champ.

[John Holmberg]

God. Wow.

I would watch them if they did commentary.

Yeah. Bath salts are amazing. Easy.

And we'll just end with this gem.

All right.

This could be you.

Oh. Oh, this is my bite, kind of. I have a. Oh, yeah. This person has a couple bites on their back. Oh, wait, that's not a butthole. That's just a hole in the crack of this person's ass.

[Brady Bogan]

Wine out of it. Oh.

[John Holmberg]

And they are rubbing this person. Person's back. And then.

[Brady Bogan]

Is she a vineyard?

[John Holmberg]

There's a hole that's leaking out some rose. It is not blood and it is not. And it doesn't look like the person's swollen or anything, but they're rubbing their back and then opening this homemade. This homemade? Yeah. That's Strawberry Hill, I think, coming out. What is that?

Don't know.

And they manufactured a hole in the top of the crack of this person's ass to drain the them all. The rose. That's a lady who spends too much time at Postinos. That's a Gilbert, Mom. Oh, yeah. I wish there was sound to this because there was an extreme. An extreme amount of whatever liquid is inside this person coming out of that hole they carved in themselves. Wow. Chris Porter here.

[Brady Bogan]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Chris porter's here. Weekend, 10pm prev. Talked to Chris in a little bit. In meantime, you can text 97936 and try to get your guess right. For my dash of do doird, one pepperoni and fresh mozzarella roasted mushroom pizza. One order of plain chicken wings with about $14 in fees and tips. Add that in. Brady guess. 69 bucks. Is that correct?

[Brady Bogan]

61. 69.

[John Holmberg]

$61. And you guessed $74. One of you was within four, box 97936. Good luck. We'll get you in there. Chris Porter joins us next. There goes your Brady reporter.

[Brady Bogan]

Hey, it's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees.

[John Holmberg]

I haven't heard enough of this.

Hey, Byron, I was [e-mail]'s website. You have everything, and the prices are incredible.

[H]

Yes, sir. Mmpguns.com has over 400,000 products for sale daily. Everything from firearms, ammunition, accessories, optics, clothing, decoys, and more. The best part is, if you see it on our website, it's installed, stock, and ready to ship.

[John Holmberg]

Wait, there's no back orders?

[H]

Nope. We work with all our distributors. So what you see on our site is what's actually available. We ship all over the country so we're not just for Arizonans anymore. If the firearm you want is legal in your state, we can get it to a dealer for you to pick up.

[John Holmberg]

Sounds simple. That's why I always go to mmpguns.com.

It'S John Holberg here for the amazing people at the Core Institute. Twenty years ago the Core Institute began and it's a better way of caring for people and there are a lot of people who are coping with pain in their bodies every day. The Core Institute specializes in helping the pain disappear. And I speak from experience. Experience. Here I am now living pain free and enjoying all the things I absolutely love to do. So if you're living in pain, you don't have to anymore. The Core Institute has been here for 20 years and are going to be here for a lot longer than that. And you can stop living with pain and start saying yes to all the things you love to do. Go to the core institute.com are you looking for your next career opportunity? Interested in a position at one of the most state of the art steel mills in the world? CMC is hiring immediately at CMC Steel Arizona in May Mesa. Open positions include electrical engineers, automation specialists, industrial electricians and industrial mechanics. Join the next generation of steel makers and help keep our electrical operators and machinery running smoothly here at CMC Steel Arizona in Mesa. To get started, visit jobs.cmc.com CMC is an equal opportunity employer. Holmberg's morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself.

He's evil sitting right here.

Come on. No, no, he's not evil. He's just a bit rude.

[Brady Bogan]

98.

[John Holmberg]

Chris Porter's here. He's already diagnosed what's on my ass. We'll get to that in a second. And he's over at 10pm Pro this weekend. Yeah, he. He gave it. You're the first person that I took a reach for it. These boys won't even help me out.

[Chris Porter]

I know an AIDS leisure when I see it.

[John Holmberg]

That's what everybody keeps saying and that scares me that you do. Yeah.

[Chris Porter]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it might be worse that you're familiar with AIDS leisure.

[Chris Porter]

I do a lot of charity work.

[John Holmberg]

With the AIDS.

[Brady Bogan]

Dude. Take a look.

[Chris Porter]

Take a look. I'm like, that's it. You got it.

[John Holmberg]

Definitely that at the Tempe Improv this weekend, tonight through Sunday. If you want to go to tempnprov.com Chris Porter's back and ready to go. And we're talking draft. We're talking all this other stuff. Do you want to watch a video real fast? Because you already said what was on my ass was something. You weren't sure.

[Chris Porter]

I mean, you didn't even give me a choice. You were like, hey, look at this.

[John Holmberg]

No, we talked the whole time.

[Chris Porter]

I'm like, this is a bit.

[Brady Bogan]

He did drop his pants. We were quick.

[John Holmberg]

Look, I'm concerned.

[Chris Porter]

He hadn't even said hello. I walked in the studio to a butt.

[John Holmberg]

What do you think this. You know what this is? Help me. I'm like those homeless guys that run up to go, help me. I'm covered in leeches. Like, I have something wrong on my ass, and I want anybody. Brad. Neither of you. You said aids. Brad just sat quietly, like, big deal.

[Chris Porter]

Yeah. Brad's like, I don't want to be.

[John Holmberg]

The one to tell him. Yeah, you don't want to be the bear.

[Brady Bogan]

He's holding off.

[John Holmberg]

Wouldn't that be a great way to die?

[Chris Porter]

I'm only here once a year. Brad's got to come in every week, right?

[John Holmberg]

He's going to see it grow, and.

[Chris Porter]

He'S like, he's going to. Look, it's the guy that told me I had AIDS again.

[John Holmberg]

Brad has to deal with this and prep the comedians on the drive in every. He's going to show you his ass. The guy can't stop.

[Chris Porter]

Well, Brad met me here this time.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, okay. So he. He.

[Chris Porter]

I didn't even have time for a warning. He was just like, hey, man. By the.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, there it is.

[Chris Porter]

Too late.

[John Holmberg]

If you die of anything, though, the thing on your ass is the funniest way to go down. Right?

[Chris Porter]

Yeah. Yeah. Although, you know, you don't want them laughing at your funeral.

[John Holmberg]

Sure you do.

[Chris Porter]

I mean, maybe at the end where there's, like a montage of you doing stupid stuff.

[John Holmberg]

I do have to put that together.

[Chris Porter]

We. I'm in a music league. It's this weird app where, like, basically you and your friends get together and there's different categories, and you submit songs, and then you don't know who submitted the songs, and you vote, and then whoever gets the most votes wins that round.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, okay.

[Chris Porter]

And there is one coming up where it's songs to play at your funeral. And I'm really. I'm fighting with it because part of me wants to be real and another part of me wants to play Buster Poindexter's Hot, Hot, Hot just because I think that would be funny.

[John Holmberg]

It would be even funnier if you.

[Brady Bogan]

Die in a Positive way.

[John Holmberg]

It depends on how you. If you die in, like, a house fire. Oh, well, that's hilarious.

[Chris Porter]

But also, it means you're going to hell.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[Chris Porter]

The first one is be sold on fire Hell.

[John Holmberg]

That's true. I'm not familiar enough with the Poindexter catalog to know the Ly.

[Chris Porter]

Lost him at New York once he left the doll. Yeah, once he left the doll, man.

[John Holmberg]

He sold out once he did. Car 54, where are you? I'm like, this guy is. We're done with you, Johansson. He just died or. Yeah, he just passed away a little bit ago. Buster Poindexter.

[Chris Porter]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I wonder.

[Chris Porter]

Got something on his butt.

[John Holmberg]

I wonder if they played that at his funeral.

[Chris Porter]

My butt is feeling hot, hot, hot.

[John Holmberg]

Do you play it if you were known for it at the funeral? Like, will Lou Bega have mambo number five? Like, happily blowing through?

[Chris Porter]

God, I hope so. I just want. They're sad and they're all crying, and then it's just Mambo number five is just Blair. Like, the. Just.

[John Holmberg]

Him.

[Chris Porter]

I'm gonna miss him.

[John Holmberg]

We'll never forget you. What's your serious one? What did you. What do you think you would choose for that?

[Chris Porter]

There's a black crow song called Whoa, Mule, but part of me wants to just play Free Bird and make him sit through seven minutes. And then, like, part of the thing will be like, if my sister says anything during the guitar solo, it starts over. My sister has this innate ability to call or text when I'm in the middle of my favorite song. In the car.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Chris Porter]

And my car. I can't turn off the notification, so I'll just. It'll be like, Andy says, what up, dude? And my sister's also the person that can't te. She get. She never goes, am I done? Before she hits send.

[John Holmberg]

So it's just bing, bing, bing, bing, bing.

Three words at a time.

[Chris Porter]

Yeah, Finally, I'll just text her. I'm like, you just ruined my favorite song. She was like, I don't care. But also, you should see on this thing on my ass. I think it's states.

[John Holmberg]

Let me see your sister's ass real quick. I'm gonna do a.

[Chris Porter]

You can see it from here.

[John Holmberg]

But she is from Kansas City as well.

[Chris Porter]

She is from Kansas City.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I was just in Kansas City last September, and. Yeah.

[Chris Porter]

How was it?

[John Holmberg]

Big.

[Chris Porter]

It's big.

[John Holmberg]

And the one thing I kept telling people, because I would ask people, like, what is. What is there to do? We don't. We're downtown. Like, what do you do. I was literally eating. When I asked the waiter, what is there to do here? And he goes, bar, barbecue. I'm like, I'm eating already.

[Chris Porter]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I don't need to leave here. I'm asking you, what do I do after this? And he told me, go get some. You eat again. You eat more.

[Brady Bogan]

Welcome to Kansas City.

[John Holmberg]

All they did.

[Chris Porter]

What do you do? When we get done eating, we eat some more.

[John Holmberg]

We go to the other barbecue place.

[Chris Porter]

The other barbecue place.

[John Holmberg]

What's next? And then they drink. There's jazz. And I'm like, okay. And there's some good barbecue around there.

[Chris Porter]

Go to, like, some sort of special needs restaurant where they don't.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody answered any questions. The only thing I would suggest, the only thing they suggested to do in Kansas City was this jazz club and then a barbecue, and I was already going to a Royals game.

[Chris Porter]

Were you at a Chili's?

[John Holmberg]

Of course I was. I was at the finest restaurant they offered. It's the best place in.

[Chris Porter]

The good one.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. The clean one.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That is the power and light one. It was awesome. But, yeah, Kansas City disappointed me.

[Chris Porter]

Well, I'm sorry.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I don't blame you. You're not the chamber of commerce.

[Chris Porter]

I don't know what to tell you. I would have given you.

[Brady Bogan]

That's your fault.

[John Holmberg]

What would you have suggested? Because there's not. All I wanted to do is repave the. The goddamn sidewalks. There was.

[Chris Porter]

What do you do in any city other than eat, drink, and be merry?

[John Holmberg]

Well, Vegas has some stuff. Yeah. And I mean, you know, I know that's a bad comp, but it's.

[Chris Porter]

Even if you go to New York, it's like you. You go to the restaurants, you go.

[John Holmberg]

Drink museum or something. I guess.

[Chris Porter]

I don't know if you want to go see. We got a museum.

[John Holmberg]

What is it?

[Chris Porter]

It's. It's white supremacy. But it's fine. It's fine.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that was it for the convention I was speaking at that. I can't. I can't walk through the throngs of fans.

[Chris Porter]

No. We have a good art museum. Museum.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Chris Porter]

And the Negro League Museum.

[John Holmberg]

That's one thing I'd forgotten about. I was with a black guy, and he didn't even suggest that. Well, like, that's his fault. Right?

[Brady Bogan]

He didn't want you.

[John Holmberg]

He should have researched that. His algorithm should have called that.

[Chris Porter]

I don't want to be on record agreeing with any of this.

[John Holmberg]

You brought up white supremacy.

[Chris Porter]

Yeah, as a joke.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I see. I. I'm sorry.

[Chris Porter]

This is hilarious.

[John Holmberg]

I misread that.

[Chris Porter]

So out there and crazy and you're like, that's why I was there.

[John Holmberg]

I thought we totally just went in sync there for a second.

[Chris Porter]

I thought there for our J6 reunion.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, no, he should have done that. We talked about it later. I'm like, you of all people should have had that pop up on your phone as an alert that you were close to it.

[Chris Porter]

So you think black people have some sort of different Google?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Obama phones, I think. Chris, please. Have you been in a coma, man?

[Brady Bogan]

Where have you been?

[Chris Porter]

Oh, man, you can really tell the stations and play a lot of stained, can't you?

[John Holmberg]

You.

[Chris Porter]

You can tell the stations that aren't worried about ethnicities at all.

[John Holmberg]

We have songs that literally have lyrics that what was the violent pornography, choking chicks and sodomy. So if I say anything bad, I'm just like, that's one of the hits.

[Chris Porter]

Well, here's some K. Fdm.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. We've got smash hits that talk about killing people. I don't think what I say is really that bad. Oh, Jesus Christ. Whoa. The computer's mad at. That was. That was a malfunction by our racist computer. Chris porter said the 10pm prop tonight, tomorrow, Saturday. And so you're doing the whole thing, man.

[Chris Porter]

Yeah, they got me doing Sunday.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I see it. And Thursday.

[Chris Porter]

And Thursday. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It's bigger than this.

[Chris Porter]

I know. Apparently not.

[John Holmberg]

What are we doing?

[Chris Porter]

They thought I was going to sell a lot of tickets.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they have you like they're milking you here. I hope to God you they must.

[Chris Porter]

Know I have friends here. Yeah, he's comfortable. He's in that big house.

[Dick Toledo]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

He'll do Thursday and Sunday.

[Chris Porter]

Know what? I'm. To be honest with you, I'm fine with it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Chris Porter]

I'm. If there is one city I'm going to do a bunch of days in.

[John Holmberg]

In April. This is a good one. You like it here? It's a good.

[Chris Porter]

And then I go play. I'm playing golf Saturday and Sunday.

[John Holmberg]

Glorious.

[Chris Porter]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And tonight you're not even doing comedy. You're just going to show the draft.

[Chris Porter]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're just going to show the draft and make fun of the Raiders.

[John Holmberg]

And how do you feel about Shannon Sharp situation?

[Chris Porter]

I don't. I'm not aware of it.

[John Holmberg]

You're not. Oh, he's going to lose everything. He evidently has been. A girl has accused him of sex that she like abusive sex. And now they're both fighting back and forth with like old audio like calls. She's been taping his calls, and he's been saying he was going to choke her and stuff.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Chris Porter]

As they were making plans.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Well, see, now there's the problem. I'm kind of in team Shannon here because she's very much into, like. She said something about his baby gravy putting a black baby in her and then later said, I don't think I want.

[Chris Porter]

Look, man, it's not necessarily my thing. I know some people that are into some rough.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Chris Porter]

Intercourse.

[John Holmberg]

Yes.

[Chris Porter]

And that. You blur the lines a little bit.

[John Holmberg]

Brad Williams, you're talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chris Porter]

No, he'll. He'll smack you right down.

[John Holmberg]

Right in the stomach.

[Chris Porter]

So I don't. You know, it's hard. I don't know anything about it, but that. That sucks for Shannon.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I think I'm putting someone.

[Brady Bogan]

You know, the other thing that does the real thing.

[Chris Porter]

You have to text to Shannon because you can't understand.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna choke you. Like, would you type that up for me? As a Chiefs fan, though, watching a Bronco fall, not as bad as.

[Chris Porter]

Not as good as seeing a Raider.

[John Holmberg]

A Raider falls is more than a.

[Chris Porter]

See the Broncos. We hate them, but we respect them.

[John Holmberg]

Raiders, you do not. Respect.

[Chris Porter]

We do not. We're just like you love our felons. And there's a reason ankle bracelets are black and it's so they can match your jersey.

[John Holmberg]

That's probably somewhat true. Yeah. Yeah. And. But now they're in Vegas, so they're soft and babies, and it's kind of fun to watch them. Flying Pounder, right?

[Chris Porter]

It's not bad.

[John Holmberg]

I don't.

[Chris Porter]

I don't hate it. I liked it a little better when you guys were good.

[John Holmberg]

You guys. Don't point me. I'm no Raiders fan. I'm a Steelers fan.

[Chris Porter]

Oh, you're a Steelers.

[John Holmberg]

You don't like us.

[Chris Porter]

Oh, you're even.

[John Holmberg]

No, we're not. Stop that. So lost. We're lost.

[Chris Porter]

No idea.

[John Holmberg]

In the forest right now. I agree.

[Chris Porter]

Who's your quarterback?

[John Holmberg]

Yes. Exactly.

[Chris Porter]

Exactly. You're gonna sign Rogers, a guy a.

[John Holmberg]

Couple years older than you.

[Chris Porter]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Is going to be our quarterback next.

[Chris Porter]

And he's going to be high on.

[John Holmberg]

Iowa, which I don't mind.

[Chris Porter]

And he's gonna throw it into the audience and say, be free throwing ropes.

[John Holmberg]

I wonder if he says that you're free. Fly to each football that he throws. Yeah. It's not good in Pittsburgh. But we're not the Raiders.

[Chris Porter]

No.

[John Holmberg]

And we're not the Ravens because my. My Raiders are The Ravens. And I wouldn't mind a tragedy striking the entire town of Baltimore. Really?

[Chris Porter]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's.

[Chris Porter]

Well, you know, it already did. It's the bridge.

[Brady Bogan]

But man, they fixed that quick.

[John Holmberg]

It's not really fixed. They just kind of cleaned it up and no one noticed. Really? Cuz it's most of Baltimore. Looks like a bridge that collapsed. So it's kind of man.

[Chris Porter]

Did you in Baltimore date?

[John Holmberg]

No, she owes me money. Baltimore's a dump and we know that. And I just don't like anything about the Harbaughs. And you know, it just gets really like everything they do seems to be out of central casting. To hate to more.

[Chris Porter]

All right. I think you just have a lot of hate in your heart.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, tons.

[Chris Porter]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

It keeps the world ticking, man. Absolutely. You see, I've got AIDS from a spider. You think I'm happy being here?

[Chris Porter]

I mean that's. That's living in Arizona. This city, this state is. Is actively trying to kill you.

[John Holmberg]

We don't have a lot of bugs, but the ones we have.

[Chris Porter]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Are serious. They're ready to.

[Brady Bogan]

The twink spider that bit you.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Went right in the ass. Can't blame him.

[Chris Porter]

But I mean, you got a nice donk.

[John Holmberg]

Thanks, man.

[Chris Porter]

Especially now that it's got a weird mountain on it.

[John Holmberg]

Well, if you look at it real close, it looks like an areola.

[Chris Porter]

It looks like one of those old globes that had the mountains.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's good.

[Chris Porter]

I feel the Rockies. They're not. It's a little bit taller than the Appalachians.

[John Holmberg]

Chris Porter's here. He's at the 10pm Prov all weekend long. What is going on in your world? We don't know. We're talking about my ass so much. I haven't Old now. Yeah. How old are you?

[Chris Porter]

I'm 46. I didn't know I was old. And then I drove by my favorite music venue and looked at the upcoming acts and went, huh. Nope, haven't heard of any of those people. I think that's a cologne. I'm going to see Drakar Noir next weekend. See how they're doing.

[Brady Bogan]

It's a cover band.

[Chris Porter]

I'm at the age now where things that used to be fun are not fun. Like shots of liquor.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah.

[Chris Porter]

I used to love shots. Yeah, I'd have them line I. You know, because I had shows.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Chris Porter]

I'd show up late to the party and I'd just have them line them up.

[John Holmberg]

It's the guy.

[Chris Porter]

The guy. I'm a trash. And now I Had two beers and a shot three weeks ago, and I am still recovering. Have you ever woken up mad at your own body for being a wuss? Like, you just wake up and you're like, two beers and a shot.

[John Holmberg]

What happened to you?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Chris Porter]

You're like this. Two beers and a shot. I can't have breakfast. That's fair. I thought we had an agreement.

[John Holmberg]

Here's something else. Of being 46. I'm 52.

[Chris Porter]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

One thing nobody ever told me at age 44. 5. You are incapable now of knowing when you're done urinating. There's about 40 seconds after you think you're done urinating, when you're like, we're not done at all. And you have to expand. Have you noticed that? That.

[Chris Porter]

I think that might be a side effect of the age you.

[John Holmberg]

You have more dribbles.

[Chris Porter]

I know when I'm. I know when I'm done peeing.

[John Holmberg]

I know. When your body says you're done, you put it back and you're like, I have the. You know, the illusions every once in a while. Yeah, that gets worse. Yeah, that. I'm just giving you the dripping.

[Chris Porter]

I just tie a rubber band to the end.

[John Holmberg]

You cinch it up. That's smart. Yeah.

[Chris Porter]

Hurts like the dickens.

[John Holmberg]

That's a good pun. It's very poetic, Chris.

[Chris Porter]

That's how great I am. That's how funny I am. I don't even know when it's happening.

[John Holmberg]

I actually become a conduit. I'm tired of this situation. And I don't like wearing underwear. You saw that. That I. I want to invent a thing that's just like a sock that goes over like a catch all.

[Chris Porter]

They have one of those. They're called socks.

[John Holmberg]

Well, no, like, I don' Even if.

[Chris Porter]

You designed something specifically for that. When you were done with the R D process, you were like, oh, we made a sock. We made a sock.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but a. A dick sock just carry a pocket.

[Brady Bogan]

Full of cotton balls.

[John Holmberg]

I am now impressed by what you're saying. Like, a sock on me is. Yeah.

[Chris Porter]

Maybe you get an athletic soc.

[John Holmberg]

I gotta get a child sock. And that's just weird.

[Chris Porter]

Just get one of those low no show socks.

[John Holmberg]

Well, socks even still without an erection. That's going to be baggy.

[Chris Porter]

Well, Matt, you know, this sounds like a lot. This is starting to sound like something like a therapist would need to discuss with you. But you got like, your boy says child sucks.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's. I think that's probably where just get.

[Brady Bogan]

A glove mitten or even cut the Finger off.

[Chris Porter]

Or those little shoes that they buy dogs for when it's hot out.

[Brady Bogan]

Dog paws.

[John Holmberg]

You know what? That's probably the best one. Although that would gather and then I just carry around a shot glass and.

[Chris Porter]

Then you could see who could drink it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Okay. You know what?

[Chris Porter]

Tickets to st. Be the 47th caller and drink my juice.

[John Holmberg]

It could happen. Anyway. Yeah. I asked you how you're doing and suddenly it turned into me again.

[Chris Porter]

You know, I have a feeling that's why you're single.

[John Holmberg]

Not.

[Chris Porter]

You're not.

[John Holmberg]

Of course not. I've been married a few times.

[Chris Porter]

It's a good.

[John Holmberg]

A couple. A couple. A couple. We'll say a couple. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

So there.

[Chris Porter]

I don't know how I make everything about me, but anyway, chicks won't stop talking.

[John Holmberg]

No. No. Are you married? No.

[Chris Porter]

I just went through a breakup dating a hot girl. She was a rescue.

[John Holmberg]

And. Oh, she was. She was a surrender.

[Chris Porter]

I don't know if you've ever dated someone right after they got out of a bad relationship.

[Brady Bogan]

A rebounder.

[Chris Porter]

It is pretty easy. You just be a good person and do the things you say you're going to do. At the end, they're just.

[John Holmberg]

Just don't be that guy. Yeah. Yeah.

[Chris Porter]

Show up and don't hit him. And you're the best.

[Brady Bogan]

It's pretty easy.

[John Holmberg]

And yet she's still gone.

[Chris Porter]

I did that joke in Alabama. They got nothing. They were like, how are they gonna learn? And.

[John Holmberg]

That'S bad advice there. But she left anyway. I left. So you hit her or you were thinking about it?

[Chris Porter]

No, she hit me.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, is that right? Did you take one?

[Chris Porter]

Yeah, right in the face. Are we still doing bits? I thought we were doing bits.

[John Holmberg]

None of these have been bits. This. It's just fun.

[Chris Porter]

We've really ridden the fence here.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So she. But you broke up with her because. She's just intolerable. She deserved it, is what you're saying. The last guy was right.

[Chris Porter]

She was not ready to date someone.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Chris Porter]

She was still angry at someone that wasn't me.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, okay. So there was a lot of stuff she carried into your life. Yeah. And you were perfect. Always. Yeah, that's what I did. Yeah, that's perfect. That's a good way to look at a breakup.

[Chris Porter]

I don't know if you've looked at me.

[John Holmberg]

No, I know. Physically, there's no question.

[Chris Porter]

Yeah, there's no question.

[John Holmberg]

But I'm just saying, like, that's the best way to look at a breakup was I did nothing wrong and I'm moving on. Learning zero. Yeah.

[Chris Porter]

Yeah. Especially if you want to get married again.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You want to do that a second time? My first wife was in the World Trade Center.

[Chris Porter]

You know the best way to go through life? Learn nothing.

[John Holmberg]

Never, ever take anything with you.

[Chris Porter]

Look back at him and go, I did that. And then do it again.

[John Holmberg]

The next one might appreciate it.

[Chris Porter]

The next one?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Chris Porter]

Maybe the other one just wants to talk about you, too.

[John Holmberg]

Some of them recognize discipline's important.

[Chris Porter]

Wow. The look on your face when you said that, I was like, am I watching Sons of Anarchy?

[John Holmberg]

Like, what is happening? Anyway, Chris, it's good to get to know you.

[Chris Porter]

They will learn to know you.

[Brady Bogan]

They will learn.

[Chris Porter]

Now when people are like, you know, Humber?

[Brett Vesley]

I'm like, nah, I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

I've never heard of him. I think he died of his spider bite.

[Chris Porter]

No, we dated for a while, but he's too perfect for me.

[John Holmberg]

Chris porter's at the 10pm Pro tonight through Sunday, 10pm prov.com. leave us with words of wisdom, sir. Fix the world the best of your ability.

[Chris Porter]

Surround yourself with people that make you feel good.

[John Holmberg]

That's about as good as it gets. That's perfect advice.

[Chris Porter]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. There's nothing better than that.

[Chris Porter]

And go, Chiefs.

[John Holmberg]

And, yeah, you guys have had your fun. You think. You think you got.

[Chris Porter]

We're gonna get at least two more.

[John Holmberg]

You think?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you can. Maybe one. I'll say. I definitely say maybe. You got Patrick Mahomes. You got. You've solved the world's problems with the quarterback.

[Chris Porter]

We have.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So you can't. You can't really have a bad team. So long as he's there.

[Chris Porter]

We can have a bad game. We saw that in February.

[John Holmberg]

You know, you got beat by a better team. We did. That's. Nothing wrong with that.

[Chris Porter]

I'll tell you what. And it was great. I had a Super bowl party, and everyone is gone by fourth quarter.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they don't stick around, dude.

[Chris Porter]

I was asleep by Sports Center.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's not bad when you've won a few Super Bowls and then you lose one. You're like, oh, yeah, we got stuff.

[Chris Porter]

It was. It was like, oh, well, I guess you can't win three.

[John Holmberg]

It is hard to do that.

[Chris Porter]

It is hard, man. They were right.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. We'll do one next year. But the good news is for Chiefs fans and the Chiefs themselves is that next year, this year, a little chip on your shoulder because you got blasted in public.

[Chris Porter]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That's not good to do to a.

[Chris Porter]

Team like that, you know, Is Just mine.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. That, that gets Great. Players don't like getting embarrassed.

[Chris Porter]

No.

[John Holmberg]

So, I mean, I think he comes out. As long as they stay healthy, I think they can get another one, two. You're starting to push it. Well, you're. There's some aging on that.

[Chris Porter]

We'll see. Maybe you should go back and think about the things that you've done. See if you can fix your.

[John Holmberg]

Well, don't get, don't get mad at my life because your Chiefs are on the end of the, the dynasty.

[Chris Porter]

They're not on the end of anything.

[John Holmberg]

Close to the end.

[Brady Bogan]

1.

[John Holmberg]

We went to Super Bowls. I'm saying that's going.

[Brady Bogan]

And the fact that seven in a.

[Brett Vesley]

Row, you're going to.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, you got. You're at the end.

[Brady Bogan]

You need a little time off.

[John Holmberg]

You, you, you are in denial if you think that this is another six year run.

[Chris Porter]

I'm not saying it's another six run. The idea that it's over is.

[John Holmberg]

I didn't say it's over, but you're at the end, 28 years old at the end. So you've gone to what, five or the last seven or something like that.

[Chris Porter]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Chris Porter]

And we won three.

[John Holmberg]

And if you can't go to five of the next seven.

[Chris Porter]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You only go to like two more. That's the end.

[Chris Porter]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You know what? You sound like?

[Chris Porter]

You know what? You sound like a really pissed off Steelers.

[John Holmberg]

I, I actually, I like the Chief sucks.

[Chris Porter]

All the teams have to suck.

[John Holmberg]

The Steelers still are good. The Eagles got to you. I'm just saying. And I respect the Chiefs. That's one of the weird dynasties that I've actually liked. Because there's no cheating.

[Chris Porter]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

No scandals.

[Chris Porter]

Not according to the Internet.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. They're. Well, the refs are involved, but that's every team that wins. Yeah. And then you know that they're a likable bunch.

[Chris Porter]

We are a likable.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It's not like a group of dickheads.

[Chris Porter]

And they got hot girlfriends.

[John Holmberg]

Well, Taylor Swift. Swift. I don't get it.

[Chris Porter]

You don't get.

[John Holmberg]

She's Kansas City hot. When I went there, I'm like, this is why.

[Chris Porter]

That's fair.

[John Holmberg]

This is why I'm there.

[Chris Porter]

You know what? I'm not even mad about that.

[Brett Vesley]

I got no argument.

[John Holmberg]

I'm like, y.

[Chris Porter]

You're right.

[John Holmberg]

Because I look at her, I'm like, what? And then I went to Kansas City. I'm like, I get it.

[Brady Bogan]

That's Miss America.

[John Holmberg]

They. Of course, they're doing backflips over this. Anyway, it's good to see you man. See you guys. Chris Porter everybody. But it's night Akupd. It's not weird. It's pretty cool actually.

[Brady Bogan]

No membership fee.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this. Are you looking for your next career opportunity? Interested in a position at one of the most state of the art steel mills in the world? CMC is hiring immediately at CMC Steel Arizona in Mesa. Open positions with a $5,000 sign on bonus include automation specialists, industrial electricians and industrial mechanics. Join the next generation of steel makers and help keep our electrical operators and machinery running smoothly here at CMC Steel Arizona in Mesa. To get started, visit jobs.cmc.com CMC is an equal opportunity employer.

[I]

Hey, what's up? It's Mo and my friends at the University of Advancing Technology has been ranked the number one best college for computer science for not one but two years in a row. Which makes total sense because UAT are always on the lookout for those who don't just embrace technology, they live it. From advancing computer science and robotics to cyber security, gaming and artificial intelligence, UAT is where innovation throws thrives. So if you're ready to lead the next tech revolution, visit uat Edu Mo. And don't just study tech. Live it.

[John Holmberg]

It's John Holberg here from the morning sickness and it's time once again for this week's pick of the litter. Brought to you by our friends at Turf monsters. Go to turfmonstersaz.com they help us out at Lost Our Home pet rescue. We appreciate them greatly. This week's Peck of the litter is a project. It's Jep. He's a special project for that special someone. Jep is one of my projects. Let's get him a forever home. They'll waive the fees right now. It's this week. Pick of the litter. It's Jeff. Check it out. Lost our home.org 98kupd.com.

[Brady Bogan]

You'Ve been deceived.

[John Holmberg]

By an agent of Satan himself.

He's evil sitting right here.

Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. 98 glorious. How about that? Dale's got a full blown belly. We're feeding him now. Which means he's never going to leave the porch like a cat. Jill is a wonderful person as outstanding human being.

[Brett Vesley]

Yes. Way too good for you guys.

[John Holmberg]

Of course.

[Brady Bogan]

It's his first go with Ranch House Grill.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you've eaten it here before. I've watched you walk out of this Room with a styrofoam and gone right to that couch and crushed Ranch house grill before the green chili burrito last time.

[Brett Vesley]

Don't act like you know.

[John Holmberg]

I do. I know exactly what you ate. Because I couldn't watch anymore. All the green chili falling on the floor and your chin. It's disgusting. I had to leave the room.

[Brett Vesley]

Oh. Oh, it's good to see you.

[Brady Bogan]

It was his second.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he's had it. Trust me, he's had it before. We contemplate using it as one of Brett's videos. Horrifying. It was like a facial rosebud. Dale Hellistra is here. He joins us each and every Thursday to talk sports. Sometimes he actually does that.

[Brett Vesley]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

And we get ourselves into pickles with that. So he's got that going. We got Prestige Billiards is the sponsor. Prestige billiards. AZ.com is where you go for all your gaming needs. You got video games. You got pool tables. You got air hockey, you got the shuffleboard. Anything you want for your house. You can get A plus grills. We still have to get you a grill.

[Brett Vesley]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Get it all covered up. Prestige Billiards AZ.com Throw in Meathead 98. And save yourself some money when you order from the website or even just say it when you're there in person. Meathead will help you out. Simple stuff. Here we are, Dale.

[Brett Vesley]

Yes, we are.

[John Holmberg]

And thanks to Ranch house grill for dropping us off. Some food too, because they gave us some breakfast for dinner.

[Brett Vesley]

Delicious burrito.

[John Holmberg]

Really. Look at you. You get us fed.

[Brett Vesley]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You got. You got. We got video games Thursdays, right?

[Brett Vesley]

It's on Thursdays, right. Usually they drop happen on Thursdays.

[John Holmberg]

Things happen on Thursdays. It's draft day. Dale.

[Brett Vesley]

I. I was listening a little bit earlier. And you guys always seem to need a little pickup on Thursdays. A little tired. Long week there. You. You know, you're kind of mailing it in here. I come to the rescue.

[Brady Bogan]

Here comes Dale.

[Brett Vesley]

Rescue.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know about that. Rescuing nothing is Dale hell's. But it is. I've been. I've been golfing with Camscatter Boo twice now in the last two weeks. Right.

[Brett Vesley]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

And it's. The draft is on his mind.

[Brett Vesley]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

How much? Like. Because you were drafted in 86.

[Brett Vesley]

85.

[John Holmberg]

85. And there was absolutely zero like, pomp and circumstance to the draft. Nobody was invited to the ballroom. Nobody was interviewed.

[Brett Vesley]

Huge gold necklace or anything with 21 on it.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And now. Now it's an absolute insane show of craziness. That goes on. And these players get this stuff. So Cam was telling me this, and I don't know how you would respond. I was curious about how you would be because you were fourth round.

[Brett Vesley]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Cam's third. Probably could fall. Could surprise. You could get it too. He's in that kind of. If you fell in love with him.

[Brett Vesley]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

Somebody might have a crush on Cam and go higher. Somebody might be afraid because he's not huge. He's not fast, but he's good. Go lower. They're putting cameras in his house.

[Brett Vesley]

He's.

[John Holmberg]

Friday, he's having a draft party. ESPN's there and would you have even wanted that?

[Brett Vesley]

No. No. Well, okay. So I can take you Back to. To 1985 real quick.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. It's like Back to the Future.

[Brett Vesley]

It's the exact same year, by the way. So we got. I got invited the combine, which was held at asu.

[John Holmberg]

Right. That was when you were telling me like you didn't know what it was.

[Brett Vesley]

You guys were drinking, drinking beer in the bar. Like, hey, by the way, you got drug test at 5:30. You got this.

[John Holmberg]

And you were drunk at the combine.

[Brett Vesley]

Like, what? So you go fast forward to the draft, and I'd had a number of teams come and talk to me.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesley]

I got in conversations with my agents, all that. The thing that you don't know is your combine. So, yeah, I was supposed to be a mid second to mid third round draft pick.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brett Vesley]

Didn't find out till five years later when I was in Dallas. The trainer went and pulled my combine, combine pamphlet or whatever folder. Opens it up, big red X through my name. I said, what's that? He goes, oh, we red flagged you because in your physical. Oh, you're back.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding.

[Brett Vesley]

Yeah. Yeah. I had this thing called spondylolisthesis, which is a little curvature of your lower spine. Never bothered me. Never did anything in football.

[John Holmberg]

So your spine's wavy. It does the question mark and another.

[Brett Vesley]

One at the bottom.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, wow.

[Brady Bogan]

It's like reverse scoliosis.

[Brett Vesley]

It's kind of like that. And so. But nobody told me. And so he goes, I bet you half the teams in the league back then, they're only 2018.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesley]

Would not draft you because you had a prehensile tail. And nobody and nobody tells you. So those are little things that go to your mind, especially when you're not a top 10 pick or whatever.

[John Holmberg]

But now agents around now, there's so much communication.

[Brett Vesley]

I think they have more knowledge what. What's going on and all. And let me Tell you that the way they found out was at the combine.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesley]

They had seven rooms, 14 doctors in each room. You went down the line. I was more sore after that physical than I was of any football game I played because they push anything you have in a sprained wrist. Me, whatever.

[John Holmberg]

So they flex anything that may have ever hurt. Okay. Yikes.

[Brett Vesley]

And I get to the last room. You walk around, little gray shorts.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesley]

And I get up off the table. I'm done.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brett Vesley]

Walking out the room. Chicago parrot. Chicago Bear team doctor.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brett Vesley]

Big red, bulbous drinking, drunk Bears.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesley]

Nasty Chicago dude.

[John Holmberg]

I like him.

[Brett Vesley]

He goes, hey, hell astray. I said, yeah. He goes, bend over and touch your toes. And I go, you so. And so I bend over to touch my toes, he runs his hand down my lower back. And we need to get a picture that really. So that went to every team. If I would have gotten out of.

[John Holmberg]

That room, you would have been drafted.

[Brett Vesley]

A little higher, probably mid second to mid third was.

[John Holmberg]

But that drunk found your. He bent you over and then found out you had problems.

[Brett Vesley]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So some drunk in Chicago bent you over and you didn't get drafted.

[Brett Vesley]

And that's what I'm saying.

[John Holmberg]

That's why he hates the Bears.

[Brett Vesley]

I hate the Bears.

[John Holmberg]

I see a lot of triggers there.

[Brett Vesley]

But so what I did. I knew first of all. So I thought mid second.

[John Holmberg]

So you would have. If it was modern day, said, yeah, sure, espn, come to my house, we'll have a party on day two.

[Brett Vesley]

No, I would.

[John Holmberg]

You wouldn't have done it in fear of falling?

[Brett Vesley]

Yes. There's too much unknown out there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesley]

And. And they'll get more of a kick. They'll get more of a kick out of watching Shadur Sanders fall if he falls.

[John Holmberg]

I said that too. I didn't. I didn't say that to Scatterboo. I. I don't want to be there because he's going through an awful lot. Yes. You. You forget, you know, and he's young. He's. He's. The kid is smart, he's fun. He's actually a really nice guy. Yes. But you're still putting an awful lot of pressure on a guy who, A, as of today, doesn't know where he's going to live. B is like, is the place I'm going. Do I know anyone? Is this going to be somewhere I've already visited? Or am I just going to some strange new world I don't want to go to?

[Brett Vesley]

See, that's what people don't understand. When you graduate from college, you Go, you know, hey, I want to work in New York City or Chicago or Phoenix.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brett Vesley]

You apply for jobs there. Well, he can go to anywhere, 32 different places. Okay. In the country. And do you know people? Do you not know people? And understand with each guy's name that's called before you, that's less money for you.

[John Holmberg]

Yep, a little less.

[Brett Vesley]

So you're, you're sitting there watching that. So the way I did It Back then, 1985, first round was televised on ESPN and then they went off the air to show tennis or what?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they didn't care.

[Brett Vesley]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesley]

And. But all 12 rounds, rounds were done.

[John Holmberg]

In the same day up until like three in the morning. Yeah, like those guys never left.

[Brett Vesley]

Yeah, they just went on.

[John Holmberg]

I heard Jim Miller.

[Brady Bogan]

So what time does your news come down?

[Brett Vesley]

I, I was, I was talking earlier on the, on the show on with Steve.

[John Holmberg]

Wtv.

[Brett Vesley]

Wtsm. That's right. I was, I was thinking about three in that, in the afternoon. Okay. Because I, I went out with a bunch of my buddies the night before because I knew I was getting, not getting drafted the first round. I did not want get up at.

[John Holmberg]

6 o' clock and start watching that nonsense.

[Brett Vesley]

I wanted to try and sleep. So we went out, had a good.

[John Holmberg]

Who called you?

[Brett Vesley]

What do you mean?

[John Holmberg]

Like who called you? What? I mean, Dallas or Buffalo drafted you?

[Brett Vesley]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Who does it? Is it a lackey? Is it the cuz now it's, it.

[Brett Vesley]

Was a general manager because at that time, so it's probably 2:30, 3:00 in the afternoon, your phone rings, you know, I had a couple slap dick friends who called, hey, good afternoon, get out because there's no call waiting back then. Get on the phone. And so Bill Polian was the assistant general manager back then in Buffalo. He called me because back then there were draft picks who would not report to Buffalo. So his first question was, do you have any problems playing in Buffalo?

[John Holmberg]

If we pick you, are you going to show up?

[Brett Vesley]

And I said, thinking back on what a stupid question. So what round are you in?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you gave him a little reason.

[Brett Vesley]

To question, we're coming to the end of the fourth round. Said, nope, I don't have any problems.

[John Holmberg]

So you knew it's going to get worse if I say no to this.

[Brett Vesley]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody skipped me four times already.

[Brett Vesley]

Yes and no. You talk about not knowing anybody. Hell, I knew Buffalo was in New York. Yeah, that was about it.

[John Holmberg]

That's true.

[Brett Vesley]

You know, and so called my parents and my brother, answer the phone and they're sitting There waiting. And I said, well, think of the worst team that you could possibly think about getting drafted by. My idiot brother goes, Dallas.

[John Holmberg]

He's right.

[Brett Vesley]

Buffalo's 214. The year before I got there, they're 214. The year I got. I lost more games by the first week in October that I lost in four years at smu. It was true.

[John Holmberg]

And.

[Brett Vesley]

And it started snowing in October, so.

[John Holmberg]

It was miserable from the second you got drafted. And so you told them, I've. I'm in the NFL. Fell, and I. This is awful.

[Brett Vesley]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Now, see, that's what I kind of. I didn't want to say it to Cam, but everybody around was like, oh, ESPN's gonna beat his house. Everything else, I'm like, they're there for the drama and tv.

[Brett Vesley]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

They are not there to be your best friend.

[Brett Vesley]

They're gonna be there hoping that you drop to the fifth.

[John Holmberg]

The worst thing in day two of the draft is that everything goes smooth for espn.

[Brett Vesley]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

They want.

[Brett Vesley]

They want unexpected.

[John Holmberg]

They want your door to fall. They want somebody to get caught. Date the last day smoking weed. You know, the Laramie Tunsil thing with a gas mask on. They love that stuff. So if. And if they've got cameras at your house, it's because you're on the cusp.

[Brett Vesley]

Yes.

[Brady Bogan]

The longer it goes.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Day one, they've got everybody there. Day two is rounds two and three.

[Brett Vesley]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Let's start looking at Cam's house. He's getting close, isn't he?

[Brett Vesley]

And what's he doing?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. The only thing that they don't like happiness, it's television. They like a whole place that looks dramatic.

[Brett Vesley]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

And I don't want to tell him that. Like, I wouldn't want to tell him just because he's excited and he should be, and hopefully he does get picked.

[Brett Vesley]

Right. When he's. Hopefully everything goes smooth for.

[John Holmberg]

But, God, I just look at ESPN like a bunch of vultures. That's just a terrible thing to do to young people who are going through that much stress.

[Brett Vesley]

But I also remember he could say, absolutely not.

[John Holmberg]

Right. But you don't think about that. You know, I mean, his. His world has gone complete whirlwind since September. Right, Right. He was a name that people are like, this kid's pretty good. And then last year, Magical year. Magic Heisman Trophy, Canada, all this other stuff. And incredibly likable.

[Brett Vesley]

Yes. Oh, super nice guy.

[John Holmberg]

Sort of underdoggy because he's not big and he's not. He's the opposite. He's one of us, you know, it's almost. But he's not. But you know, and then. So they're like, we're coming to your house. It's like, oh, my God, this is amazing. You don't think of. You don't think of the other side. No.

[Brady Bogan]

Like, oh, no problem. Right off the bat.

[John Holmberg]

But you have to have somebody in your life who does. That's the important thing. You have to. I'm not so sure. ESPN's a great, great idea.

[Brett Vesley]

Right. Your agent should probably say, you know, what if we were locked in and the Cowboys said they're gonna take you in the third round? Maybe.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesley]

But I still wouldn't like it. Yeah, you can go. You can go down to channel 12 or 10 or whatever, do an interview.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesley]

Tomorrow, Friday night.

[John Holmberg]

If you have local TV there, they're rooting for you.

[Brett Vesley]

Yes. ESPN open for the drop.

[John Holmberg]

They are hoping for something. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

And they love. When you're draft went down. Was there a team or teams that you're like, I don't want to go there. Or the teams that love to go there.

[Brett Vesley]

Well, you know, obviously the, the, the good teams back then were like the Chicago's were, you know, about to win the super bowl and, and, and things like that had relatives in Chicago. Obviously there's, you know, hey, Miami be great. The Raiders were in Los Angeles. But they were Los Angeles. Yeah, but still they lived in residual. Lived with Ronaldo beach the year I was there. I'd say it's the Raiders, you know, I'd rather live in Pittsburgh.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Rather. So Pittsburgh was not on your list. It's like, I want to be there.

[Brett Vesley]

No, you're an idiot. Them growing up.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's dumb.

[Brett Vesley]

The only thing good about Pittsburgh.

[John Holmberg]

Here we go.

[Brett Vesley]

Is when you go through that tunnel from the airport and you on a nice day, which you hit once out of every.

[John Holmberg]

That you can't fight that. Yeah. Very great. Bam.

[Brett Vesley]

That sight when you come through that tunnel, especially now. Unbelievable.

[John Holmberg]

It's a prettier town now.

[Brady Bogan]

He wasn't high on the list.

[John Holmberg]

Did they have a team then? Yeah. No, for Cleveland. Cleveland could have been a Brown.

[Brady Bogan]

Come on.

[Brett Vesley]

So here's the thing. So I've gotten communication for probably 12 to 15 teams.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brett Vesley]

Six or seven teams sent their offensive line coaches to individually work me out. I hadn't gotten a letter. I hadn't gotten zero from Buffalo. And so when I picked up the phone and it's them, I'm like, what? Where you come from? And maybe their doctor didn't read the X ray or something.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. They didn't care. They were 2 and 14. They were bad at their jobs.

[Brett Vesley]

But so think about this 1985 draft. Oh, the first pick in the draft to Buffalo.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Andre. Oh, Bruce Smith. That's right. That's right.

[Brett Vesley]

First pick in the fourth round, Andre Reed. Yeah, me you talk about.

[John Holmberg]

You were the third choice. So they were two for three.

[Brett Vesley]

Well, first of all, I'm talking longevity. Bruce I think played 18 years.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesley]

Andre played 15 years. They're both hall of Famers. I should be a Hall of Famer and I played 17 years.

[John Holmberg]

You are at Saguaro High School.

[Brett Vesley]

I'm Scottsdale.

[John Holmberg]

Are you Scottsdale hall of Famer?

[Brett Vesley]

You go to the Scottsdale Stadium. Look for my.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that is. Oh, at the baseball stadium. No kidding. So I didn't see you there. I've actually looked at that wall of nobody's and I thought, wow, come on.

[Brett Vesley]

Me, Jim Palmer.

[John Holmberg]

Jim Palmer was on there. That's when, that's when I was fawning over like that's a real name. I don't recognize any of these other guys.

[Brady Bogan]

We were talking about the longevity and we were on. And what do you think the longevity of first and second round draft picks are in the NFL?

[Brett Vesley]

Well, it's weird because it surprised me because. Oh. Do you know the answer?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesley]

Okay. Because since before I got in the league to today, the average career is still 3.23.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's a little over three and a half years and.

[Brett Vesley]

And you have to play 3 years and 3 games to qualify for your pension and all those things. The average crazy NFL player does not.

[John Holmberg]

Know get those things and there's a lot of injuries involved and you know, things can happen. Right. But the like the first, because we were talking like tonight there's going to be 200. This weekend will be two 120 something guys introduced into a league with 1600 total jobs. And they're all taken, by the way. Yes. So then you're gonna fight. These 200 guys have to fight to get on a team. Now of those, 80 are guaranteed a spot.

[Brett Vesley]

Yeah, the first two. Really? First three rounds.

[John Holmberg]

First three rounds, you're guaranteed to stay on the team.

[Brady Bogan]

So you nailed it. It was, it was three years and then on the spot then the question I was asking John, like what do you. What are the odds of a fourth rounder making the the team?

[Brett Vesley]

Usually from what I was told and now looking back over 17 years of playing fourth round and up, they're gonna. They're gonna give you fourth round at least two years.

[John Holmberg]

You're getting a couple years.

[Brett Vesley]

They're getting a couple years. Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesley]

And. And. And so if you prove yourself for the first couple years, then obviously.

[Brady Bogan]

So 5 and 6 is where you're really gutting it out like that.

[Brett Vesley]

Oh, yeah. Now they don't mind cutting you. Yeah, yeah. Because you don't cost them anything. No.

[John Holmberg]

You didn't put anything into it. You were a risk to begin with. Gravy.

[Brett Vesley]

Right. If you surprise them, okay, great. But no, it's. It's fascinating when you start talking about those little intricac in intricacies.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's a tough word.

[Brett Vesley]

Yeah, yeah. Say it.

[John Holmberg]

Intricacies. Yeah. It's nothing.

[Brett Vesley]

You know, you didn't pronounce it right.

[John Holmberg]

Intricacies. I think I do it every time. Intricacies. I think I do it every time. It's. It's easy for me to say words. I'm an adult. But no, the. The fun thing about the draft, though, is that you get into these things. I talked to Cam's girlfriend on Saturday, and I said, where do you want. And you don't think about that. Like, he's got people that are tired. And I said, what do you. She goes, I just. I want to be somewhere warm. And, you know, and that's a thing that.

[Brady Bogan]

And once it happens, you're go. You gotta go that week.

[John Holmberg]

But I told her, I said, you don't have. You don't have a choice. She goes, we don't know where we're gonna go. And I don't. I don't know their relationship. I don't know them well enough to ever pretend like I know if they're, you know, gonna live together, move out, you know, whatever. But she's just, you know, they're together, so it's like, I just want to be somewhere warm, but it doesn't matter.

[Brett Vesley]

Well, when you say that, what was interesting? I was dating a girl back then at smu, and she was there, along with probably eight, nine, ten friends.

[John Holmberg]

We're just right.

[Brett Vesley]

Drinking and doing whatever we were doing. And when the phone call came, and I looked at her and I go, oh.

[John Holmberg]

She goes, I'm leaving. She started making out with. Making out with your brother immediately.

[Brady Bogan]

It's like, we're going to Dallas.

[Brett Vesley]

Yeah. Because it affects everybody. Everybody.

[John Holmberg]

You know, you don't think of that like, the draft is that guy, and then you see the people around him that are, you know, probably insecure to a certain degree. That they're tied to this person's life. Their life has to start wherever he is.

[Brett Vesley]

Right. And are they going to stay together?

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brett Vesley]

Like, if he gets drafted by New England.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Does she want to go? Is she staying here? You're 22. That's not going to work.

[Brett Vesley]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

So now all this other stuff starts to add up, and all these young.

[Brett Vesley]

People and all that stuff is going through Cam's life today.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesley]

And he's got to wait till tomorrow to find out.

[John Holmberg]

And I. You know, he's such a good.

[Brady Bogan]

Stay here for a while. Let me get settled.

[John Holmberg]

She even said, we'll have a house here. And I'm like, maybe. I didn't want to say. Well, I don't know about that. You'll see. Maybe he's going to love it in Detroit, and he'd fit perfectly there. I. I like just having met him a couple of times. There are certain people, like, this kid's special. Like, he's just a decent human being who's. Who's making the most of what he's doing.

[Brett Vesley]

And he golfed with you twice?

[John Holmberg]

Well, we golfed one time at Mesa Country Club, and then the guy that asked us that said, you want to be in a tournament with us on Saturday morning? On Saturday, he said, and I thought it was golfing with normal people that get up at a reasonable day. And as the goddamn thing started at 7 in the morning, that means you got what? And I agreed to it. Yeah. And it was at Rigs and Queen.

[Brett Vesley]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I'm on the road on a Saturday, not getting paid. Wacky fun golf, driving all the way out there for.

[Brett Vesley]

Is he a good golfer?

[John Holmberg]

No. No, he's terrible.

[Brett Vesley]

Worse than you.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, no, he's fine. He's. You go out and slap it around with him. He's fine. He's not gonna score, but he can hit the ball.

[Brett Vesley]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

It's just. It's probably on par with me.

[Brett Vesley]

He's a guy you're gonna be cheering for, though. And watching work.

[John Holmberg]

You can't help it.

[Brett Vesley]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You know, and being a skeptic in the world and everything else and thinking.

[Brett Vesley]

You like bad things happen.

[John Holmberg]

I don't like bad things, but I expect it. I have hate in my heart, but I don't. I don't use it for evil against people. I root for.

[Brett Vesley]

You can't tell me. Want to see Shador drop tonight?

[John Holmberg]

My fear is he's going to drop to 21.

[Brett Vesley]

There's going to be moment.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Through that tunnel.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I was working this remind Me getting drafted by the Falcon. Dale. I'm gonna be out there in Pittsburgh with my new friends. Dale. We gonna have a good time with Shador. You love me, Dale. You love me.

[Brett Vesley]

How on earth can you be the worst interview.

[John Holmberg]

That's what they're saying about Shador Sanders to one major unnamed coach. And I think that's not brave. And I have to have. I happen to think because the report came out, I think it was Pelissaro or Daniel, I don't remember who wrote it. Said that one GM who is unnamed and a coach said is the worst personal interview they've had in the draft process ever with Shador Sanders over 20 years. I think because they did that to get him to somewhere I would not be speaking surprised if that person was Mike Tomlin.

[Brett Vesley]

See, I. Here's what I'm going to tell you. There are times where teens will do smoke screen. Yeah. They'll throw something out like that.

[John Holmberg]

And don't say my name.

[Brett Vesley]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesley]

And.

[John Holmberg]

And.

[Brett Vesley]

And if you blow that, I'll never talk to you again. But I don't think that's the case.

[John Holmberg]

Can't you.

They said a few others said it. They said a few others said he was raised by Deion Sanders.

[Brady Bogan]

He probably about the. What they say about the interview because he's like, I don't.

[John Holmberg]

They did.

[Brady Bogan]

Because I'm gonna go high. No, I. I don't need to.

[John Holmberg]

They didn't say good interview because the interviews aren't about that. You sit with it like you'll sit with a guy and. And it's just to get to know you. It's not about what you think of this.

[Brett Vesley]

You might go their offense or you might. You can ask him questions. And if he's like Dion. Legend has it that somebody outside the top five wanted to come in for a visit. And he said, what. What big pick do you have? 9. He goes, I won't be around. I'm not coming. Hey.

[John Holmberg]

He's not wrong.

[Brett Vesley]

But. But Shador is not Shador doesn't have that right.

[John Holmberg]

So. And I even asked Gabu about this. I said, what do they ask you in those interviews? And he said, the one thing I struggle with is when at the end they say, you know, do you have any questions for us?

[Brett Vesley]

Yeah. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And that's like. He felt like that was the biggest moment of the interview. It's like now I'm on point of saying not only have I paid attention, I've absorbed all that I've seen and now I've got to have some questions for them.

[Brett Vesley]

To me, that's very easy. You just looked the general manager or the head coach in the eye and you said, well, what are your plans for.

[John Holmberg]

That's what he said. I told him that the question I would ask is, how did I do? How did I do? How did I do through this whole process?

[Brett Vesley]

Why do you have doubt, John?

[John Holmberg]

It isn't doubt. It's just like, how did I do in this process? How do you. What do you guys, like, what can.

[Brett Vesley]

I improve for the next.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, my biggest question is, you know, I'm new to this. Like, did I do. Did I do what you expected?

[Brett Vesley]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

You know what?

[Brady Bogan]

This is where my butt is.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. And then I'll take. I'll just show you. You this. Dale. I can show you the thing of my ass. You're gonna love it.

[Brett Vesley]

You are the most invalid.

[John Holmberg]

We got a break. We gotta take a break. We can't keep talking. Here comes to you. Look at this.

[Brett Vesley]

He comes in with a strut.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he's proud of it. That was the. Not quite yet ready for the break, but we're getting close. So he didn't rush in and do the thing. Yeah, Dale, hell, look at that. About 20 minutes right there. And we talked sports almost the whole time.

[Brett Vesley]

We did.

[John Holmberg]

Now I'm gonna show you my ass. Now it's time to drop our pants. Dale hell is here. Prestige Billiards AZ is proud to bring us D Illustrate each Thursday talk sports will do the entertainment drill next. Morning sickness.

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[Brett Vesley]

Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[John Holmberg]

Oh boy. We're talking about everything bad now Suns are on our mind and we're talking about what's going on. I saw James Jones two nights ago at a little get together. Well, it wasn't at the Rah Rah room. It was a. A quick happy hour. For members over at the Global ambassador. I went with my friend Anthony.

[Brett Vesley]

Is that a, is that a Hotel?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, 44th and Camelback.

[Brett Vesley]

It's a nice hotel.

[John Holmberg]

Beautiful. It's actually. Really. Yes, it's, it's pretty stunning.

[Brett Vesley]

44Th and what?

[John Holmberg]

Camelback. Oh, I don't know if they'll let you in.

[Brett Vesley]

Be the Ritz and.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, that's 24th. No, this is brand new. It's by the Sun's practice facility.

[Brett Vesley]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

It's by nice restaurants and places you don't go. It's really nice over there. You know, people have searched with collars. Collars and buttons.

I'm not invited either. I'm not invited either.

I'm could go have dinner within a few miles of that.

[Brett Vesley]

Brady standing up for me.

[Brady Bogan]

Dale, I think you could make it in.

[Brett Vesley]

I think I, I, I think I'd have been in the back entrance parade.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, I mean, we have to let them know.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, definitely have to clear out the normal people so they don't get scared. But. No, but I saw James Jones there and, and everybody was buzzing in the room, like, what's this?

[Brett Vesley]

Well, now said tell the audience what you were actually saying.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, we actually asked in front of the Sun's executives if they'd be quiet for a second and we could get some TVs in there to watch the playoffs. My friend Anthony, actually, that's his line. He goes, can we get a TV in here to get a playoff game? While just talking about the Suns. It was pretty funny.

[Brett Vesley]

And the thing, the thing, I think that the worst part of it, John, is there's like not an end in sight. Nope. There's no way to dig yourself out of this hole.

[John Holmberg]

Magic tricks.

[Brett Vesley]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Who do the Cardinals take, by the way?

[Brett Vesley]

Gosh, it's a great position to be in. I don't think that they have a glaring need for anybody with their freedom. You know, getting the defensive end from Philly.

[John Holmberg]

His name too.

[Brett Vesley]

Yeah, but I, I. Hey, if one of those wide receivers is there, give yourself another offensive weapon.

[John Holmberg]

The guy from Ohio State, he won't fall that far away.

[Brady Bogan]

Big Buka.

[Brett Vesley]

Yeah, I'm talking about maybe the guy from Arizona.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, this the Hawaiian kid.

[Brett Vesley]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he's good. I call him Big T. Also Tiwala Hafa. Yeah, no, he's, yeah, he's got. Yeah, that's a good pick right there. Yeah. Or I think, you know, I think the Cardinals might shock the world a little. Card Kyler Murray move a little.

[Brett Vesley]

Is there a plan?

[John Holmberg]

No. Well, it Wasn't meant to be. But that's a little Kyler Murray move.

[Brett Vesley]

What's that?

[John Holmberg]

There's a possibility of saying, hey, teams that are are struggling with this Aaron Rodgers news and, you know, low price to pick up his contract. And then the Cardinals start swimming around the idea of maybe Jackson Dart or Shador Sanders. Sanders comes in.

[Brett Vesley]

Shut up. Now tell me this.

[John Holmberg]

Only reason I said that is to get Shador Sanders in the same area.

[Brett Vesley]

Now tell me at 21 you're going to be saying that you'll be watching tonight.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Brett Vesley]

And what are you hoping, first of all? Hope that the Steelers do.

[John Holmberg]

I have no idea.

[Brett Vesley]

Do you hope that Aaron Rodgers calls.

[John Holmberg]

Them and say that's what I think. I think is going to happen.

[Brett Vesley]

Hey, I'm coming to play for you.

[John Holmberg]

Aaron Rodgers is wanting to manipulate the Green Bay draft and be the biggest news of the day.

[Brett Vesley]

Really?

[John Holmberg]

That's what he does. So I wouldn't be surprised if Aaron Rodgers made the announcement today that I'm to going going to Pittsburgh because it shakes up the draft. Now the Steelers probably aren't going to draft a quarterback if it falls. So now where's Jackson Dart, Shador Sanders, where do those guys go? Are people going to start trading and moving based on Aaron Rodgers saying, I'm in control of all of it, which he loves doing.

[Brett Vesley]

You think he'll be at the end?

[John Holmberg]

It's in Green. No, but it's in Green Bay. So if he could get all of Green Bay to turn their heads and look at him while all of this other stuff's going on, that's the ultimate thing.

LeBron Rogers.

Yeah, LeBron Rogers.

[Brady Bogan]

And I think Aaron will announce it in Chase Chicago.

[John Holmberg]

I owe you. He just might. But that's the ultimate Green Bay slash. Aaron Rogers finger in the air. And the Steelers have been so quiet about like we'll just wait for his decision. Which is really weird that it tells me maybe they know something.

[Brett Vesley]

Maybe they've come to an agreement.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe they're like, let me do this on draft day. Yeah. Now, let me just get this out of the way. About an hour before the draft starts.

[Brett Vesley]

Or maybe wait till after that first.

[John Holmberg]

Round because it's that Steelers drafted defensive lineman. You know, they already had a deal with.

[Brett Vesley]

Yes. If they draft anybody but a quarterback.

[John Holmberg]

Or trade for Kirk Cousins, which would.

[Brady Bogan]

Happen tonight if maybe he wants that as the tell.

[John Holmberg]

They know the answers.

[Brett Vesley]

Well, remember that happened to Kirk Cousins last year, signed that deal and then they dropped the quarterback. That I know.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Anyway, the draft Is interesting. It's fun. It's fun to play this game, even though it's just. Literally just picking people off a wall.

[Brett Vesley]

And here we were, we're just throwing names out there. And these are actually human lies, John.

[John Holmberg]

Well, nobody cares about when we put helmets on. I don't see their faces.

[Brady Bogan]

Stats of Mel Kuipers.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Which I had for a little.

[Brady Bogan]

You think his accuracy.

[Brett Vesley]

No, I. Probably not. Very good.

[John Holmberg]

22% in the. In five years between 2010 and 2014, he got the first round picks. Right. 22% of the time.

[Brett Vesley]

And that's first round.

[John Holmberg]

First round only. And that's when you know, probably the first five picks are pretty secure. Most years.

[Brett Vesley]

It's crazy.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesley]

I mean, when you do a seven round mock draft, what are you.

[John Holmberg]

It's just to show you've wasted your entire year here.

[Brett Vesley]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Scouting North Carolina A. M. Yeah, that's.

[Brett Vesley]

What I was gonna say. Like NCAT or whatever.

[Brady Bogan]

It's not weird.

[John Holmberg]

It's pretty cool, actually.

[Brady Bogan]

No membership fees.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil. Sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. All right, give him a story. It's time now for Dale. That was an excellent sports segment.

[Brett Vesley]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

And I didn't show you my ass. You want to see it real quick?

[Brett Vesley]

What are you talking about?

[Brady Bogan]

You'll see. Boil town.

[Brett Vesley]

Not a boil.

[John Holmberg]

It's.

[Brady Bogan]

It's mercy. Look, look, Dale. Look, the nipple. What in the hell is MRSA growing?

[Brett Vesley]

How does that happen?

[John Holmberg]

Bit by something right there on my ass.

Could show them the video.

Oh, yeah.

[Brett Vesley]

No, no, no.

[John Holmberg]

But yeah, show them the video.

[Brett Vesley]

No, no, no, no.

[John Holmberg]

This is how I found it. You're going to be blown away. It's not gross. This is how I found it.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, no, no, no. He's getting a massage couple days ago.

[John Holmberg]

A couple days ago? Yes. Watch. This is me, how I found it. I was getting a massage. This is crazy.

[Brett Vesley]

Watch this.

[John Holmberg]

I was getting my back massage and look, look. That's how I found it. Blood poured out of the hole.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, it got him.

[Brett Vesley]

Don't ever do that to me again. Don't ever do that to me again.

[John Holmberg]

You never watch the videos?

It was the only way.

[Brady Bogan]

Entertainment.

[John Holmberg]

All right, it's off now.

[Brett Vesley]

But seriously.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's off. It's off. I'm sorry.

[Brett Vesley]

But seriously.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesley]

How does that happen? How does that happen?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. Something Bit me. So two days ago. I refuse.

[Brett Vesley]

That's a bite. You don't say that.

[John Holmberg]

That's. No, it's not a pimple. I know what a pimple is. Trust me. I had high school.

[Brett Vesley]

We're going.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm going with Mercer.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody thinks Mersa. I'm thinking a spider.

[Brett Vesley]

How does the spider get in your underwear?

[John Holmberg]

I don't wear underwear. Come on.

[Brett Vesley]

Okay, well, then you got it coming.

[John Holmberg]

Nothing better.

[Brett Vesley]

I wish it was more than a crack.

[John Holmberg]

Nothing better than an unfurnished basement. Really? Yeah. I sleep with no clothes on. Yeah. Close your eyes. Think about that.

[Brett Vesley]

Megan does.

[John Holmberg]

I know. Everybody does. Yeah. The world's eyes are closed.

[Brett Vesley]

So how'd you find it?

[John Holmberg]

Well, so the next morning I woke up and like my ass had a. It was itchy in that spot like it usually is. No, no, that's your ass, Ross. Unclean ass. Is it? I'm not talking about my. My a hole. Just where that. I'm like, oh, I got bit. I got bit by something. And then I was fine. And then.

[Brett Vesley]

Did you say, megan, look at this?

[John Holmberg]

No, not. Not off the bat. It's just a little bite, right? And then. And then like yesterday it started to feel weird. It was tingly. Like numb tingly. And then this morning I woke up a little dizzy and I bumped it. And I'm like, oh, I'm going out. And it didn't hurt. It doesn't hurt.

[Brady Bogan]

Super gonorrhea.

[Brett Vesley]

Are you going to the hospital?

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no. I think it's. I think it's.

[Brett Vesley]

You need it Lance.

[John Holmberg]

I think it's hysterical if it kills me.

[Brady Bogan]

We didn't suggest that.

[Brett Vesley]

I think you need to get a Lance.

[John Holmberg]

If someday you guys are eulogizing me and say, I really. You know. We gave him a hard time, but we loved him. It was great. I just can't believe that thing on his ass killed him then. I've lived a good life. I think that's a funny. Like, that's the only way to go.

[Brett Vesley]

Has Megan seen it?

[John Holmberg]

Everybody's seen it. I kept showing the world he's had that out 4 comedian saw it when he was in here. I showed it to Chris. Just. Just in case. You've probably had something on your ass before. Like. Like that.

[Brett Vesley]

John, that's abnormal.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's not.

[Brett Vesley]

No, it's not. It's a bit on the ass.

[Brady Bogan]

One on his foot too.

[John Holmberg]

I have a little one on my foot. Something bit me.

[Brett Vesley]

John, there's more things that have. You are accident prone.

[John Holmberg]

Sweet.

[Brett Vesley]

Sweet.

[John Holmberg]

Like an Orange. No, no. So you get bit by stuff.

[Brady Bogan]

He's like a cutie, Dale.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I'm like a little cutie. Once you break through this hard exterior, it's just sweet and soft and you to bite it. Fact, I share with you the things that have happened to me.

[Brett Vesley]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Most people keep it quiet when they've got something going on.

[Brett Vesley]

But you have weird stuff happening. That is very weird. I just showed you a red watch.

[John Holmberg]

On your ass because nobody would ever normally show you that. I have confidence.

[Brett Vesley]

That's because they don't have it.

[John Holmberg]

By the way, how about that ass? Pretty nice.

[Brady Bogan]

I can't wait until Dale comes in there when he shares the hemorrhoids. I mean, he shows those.

[John Holmberg]

I don't show the hemorrhoids. If I had a grapevine, you'd see it. If I had Ernest and Julio Gallo down there, you'd be like, look at what I'm growing. Look what's gonna kill me. Because I'm not going to the doctor for anything ass related ever.

[Brett Vesley]

No, you're not.

[John Holmberg]

No. That's a hilarious way for me to go.

[Brett Vesley]

You're gonna have the nurse check you out and go, John, you are so.

[John Holmberg]

No, they just go there and they get bit by something. I'm like, I know. And then they probably say what you say? How to get in your underwear. I'm like, like, baby, no reason to keep this thing under wraps.

[Brett Vesley]

It.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, maybe that would be fun. But I think it's funnier to die from a thing on your ass cheek. It's just funnier for stories.

[Brett Vesley]

So you self diagnosed that was a bite.

[John Holmberg]

I'm pretty sure it's a bite. And who cares if it's not, so long as it doesn't.

[Brett Vesley]

But if you've been dizzy a little.

[John Holmberg]

Bit, I'm okay with.

[Brett Vesley]

It hurts.

[John Holmberg]

I think I was just tired.

[Brett Vesley]

You think?

[John Holmberg]

I think it. I think it's. I think. I think a lot of.

[Brady Bogan]

He's been running hard.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I've been running hot. And I think a little bit of my immune system is right there. Trying to focus on this. So it made. Makes me a little tired. My immune system heavily.

[Brady Bogan]

It's still this new system.

[John Holmberg]

Whatever's going on there, there's adjustments. Yes. I'm a little bit. A little bit more sleepy than normal. And I think it has a lot.

[Brett Vesley]

Does Megan have any bites on her?

[John Holmberg]

Well, human.

[Brett Vesley]

Human.

[John Holmberg]

I am. I am a target for mosquitoes and bites. I admit that. Like, I can't sit outside a nice. Whether I get eaten alive. She doesn't never had that issue.

[Brett Vesley]

Are you telling me she's not as sweet as you?

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Brett Vesley]

Yeah. Facts are facts.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, you just got to deal with reality sometimes. More of an eggplant. I'm the cutie. Like Brady said, I agree with.

[Brett Vesley]

So. So the bugs are making up for Father Dale, not fighting.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah? Well, maybe Father Dale is sent the bugs.

[Brett Vesley]

Yeah, that's got to be.

[John Holmberg]

They're implanted.

[Brett Vesley]

Got to be harming your mental acuity.

[John Holmberg]

That Father Dale never tried to nail.

[Brett Vesley]

Me and never chose you.

[John Holmberg]

It doesn't feel great.

[Brett Vesley]

So you've been an ugly.

[John Holmberg]

I've been an ugly kid forever, probably. Sixth grade was my last year. Of like.

[Brett Vesley]

Of what?

[John Holmberg]

I had it. I had the. I had. I had. I had what it took to slay the ladies.

[Brett Vesley]

Sixth grade, I see you with the little skinny legs, little skinny arm, and still that same size head.

[John Holmberg]

That was. What was. That was. That was junior high. In high school, yeah. Sixth grade, my head started to grow. Grow. After sixth grade, my head got bigger than nothing else until my sophomore year of college, freshman year, college stock growing. That was if my body started getting. Yeah.

[Brett Vesley]

Otherwise, I had proportional.

[John Holmberg]

Now it's seemingly proportional.

[Brett Vesley]

Some pictures about back in the day.

[John Holmberg]

I look a little like a light bulb in occasionally.

[Brady Bogan]

Back in the day with the blonde hair and pubic hair.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Back when I was in fifth, sixth grade, I was the kid in school at the. Yeah, I was the kid. No, I was the good one. I was the. So after sixth grade, after sixth grade, something changed.

[Brett Vesley]

Well, Father Dale still didn't shoot.

[John Holmberg]

Father Dale never wanted to finger any part of me.

[Brett Vesley]

Yeah, that's.

[John Holmberg]

That's got.

[Brett Vesley]

That's got to be disheartening.

[John Holmberg]

Poor little fella.

Yeah. Yeah, I live with it a little bit.

[Brett Vesley]

Poor little child.

[John Holmberg]

But I've got my revenge, Mom. Nobody. I. I. Yeah.

[Brett Vesley]

How come nobody likes.

[John Holmberg]

We do need to go down this road. Oh, come on.

[Brett Vesley]

I'm sorry to bring out the message.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's okay. You're wasting all this time, okay? We could be entertaining people. Yes, with my ass. It's time for the entertainment drill. It's brought to you by our [e-mail]. they got a whole bunch of people signed up yesterday for the women's self defense seminar, which they didn't have a lot of slots for, But Jay text me last night. He goes, we got, like, a bunch. We'll still take a couple more from KUPD only, so if you're a lady and you want to get in on this Thing. Last chance, and I mean it. Last chance to get involved in the women's self defense event seminar. And it's. It's outstanding for a lady who thinks to herself, you know, I'm in a lot of weird situations by myself. Maybe get a little, you know, a little smarter and how I handle those. You never realize when you're actually making yourself a victim. And they'll show you those moments when you're looking at your phone and walking through a parking lot alone. You may think you're just being aloof. You're actually making bad guys look and go, oh, soft target. Don't be that. They'll teach you how not to be. You become a sheepdog. You stop being a sheep. And you can do it right now. Reactdefense.com it's the home of Tactical Black Brady Entertainment.

[Brady Bogan]

Pete Davidson has removed 30% of his tattoos so far.

[John Holmberg]

Ouch.

[Brady Bogan]

What do you think?

[John Holmberg]

He spent 70 grand.

[Brady Bogan]

And he says it'll take another 10 years to complete. Hasn't even gotten to his torso yet.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

You ready for this?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

200,000.

[John Holmberg]

Man. It's not a cheap process. Holmberg's morning sickness and I don't know what 30%. I guess he's covered head to toe.

Either way. It's not.

You have any tattoo?

[Brett Vesley]

I don't.

[John Holmberg]

Never wanted one.

[Brett Vesley]

You know, back in. In the day the bob wire had come out, was pretty popular. And my arms would have supported the bob wire back then. But I was. But I'm smart enough to realize I was gonna be 60 one day.

[John Holmberg]

And that's not gonna look good.

[Brett Vesley]

That bob wire is gonna be drooping.

[John Holmberg]

I like that you call it bob wire. Also barbed. Wireless.

[Brett Vesley]

Adopt the graduates. Gonna correct.

[John Holmberg]

I just did. How bad is that for you?

I don't have any.

None? Yeah.

[Brett Vesley]

On your lower back.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. Says yum city.

[John Holmberg]

It says Bob's wire.

[Brady Bogan]

Put your bob wire.

[John Holmberg]

Bob wire here. I thought you were talking about the guy from Grateful Dead. At first I never understood why you wanted it to seem like you got tangled up in a cow fence.

[Brett Vesley]

Yeah, it was really popular back in the early 80s.

[John Holmberg]

Doesn't make sense.

[Brady Bogan]

People are still getting.

[Brett Vesley]

Is this David they get that sleeps with a lot of actors that's not very good looking.

[John Holmberg]

But that's exactly right.

[Brett Vesley]

I've never understood why they find him attractive.

[Brady Bogan]

Now they find one thing.

[John Holmberg]

Huge dong. Oh, that's well known.

[Brett Vesley]

Okay. Him and I have the same problem.

[John Holmberg]

Huh.

[Brady Bogan]

Not sure if that's really.

[John Holmberg]

You're covered in tattoos. You're ugly. Wait, what Am I what? I forgot what we're talking about.

[Brett Vesley]

Tattoos. $200,000 for 30% to remove them.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's a. That's not a cheap thing, getting your tattoos removed. I can't imagine.

[Brady Bogan]

Dale's got a wonderful story.

[John Holmberg]

All right, go ahead, Dale.

[Brett Vesley]

So, Johnny, who would you vote for? You know, obviously, People magazine. They do the. They do the Sexiest man Alive. I've heard you've been a semifinal.

[John Holmberg]

The Highest finish was 64th.

[Brett Vesley]

64. Yeah, still good. And now they do a most beautiful Person. Oh, and I guess that could be a man or a woman. This year's selection. Demi Moore.

[John Holmberg]

To me. More. Yeah. What do we got, a time machine?

[Brett Vesley]

Well, there's a picture of her. I mean, she does not look 62, that's for sure.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's not a compliment.

[Brett Vesley]

I mean, her head would snap if I walked into the room. You know what I'm saying?

[John Holmberg]

You think she's weak in her head? She can't hold her own head up. She's so old, she can't hold her.

[Brett Vesley]

I want to know if. If you can relate to any of this, John. So Demi tells People magazine how she used to torture herself to stay in shape.

[John Holmberg]

Yep.

[Brett Vesley]

You relate.

[John Holmberg]

I do the same. Yeah.

[Brett Vesley]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

She prays with me.

[Brett Vesley]

I was so harsh and had much more antagonistic relationship with my body.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brett Vesley]

And straight up, I was really just punishing myself. Do you ever have that relationship with your body, John? Because it is.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I punished you with it a little earlier by showing you my ass.

[Brett Vesley]

She said she's now more intuitive and relaxed, listens to her body.

[John Holmberg]

You know, it's always people in their 60s, women usually, who start saying, oh, I worked out so hard, and it's because it doesn't work anymore. So they realize in their 60s, all this punishment that I've went. That I've got, like you said, with the barbed wire around your arms that used to support it. But then at a certain age, it's just not going to do it anymore. So in your 60s, it's not being like. Like, you know, some introspective speech you're giving everybody saying, oh, working out this whole time. And now it. You're just realizing, oh, this is my fate. I can't escape, you know, mortality, and my body's gonna start caving in on me a little bit. I did the best I could. I look good while I did. She made money off of looking good, so the torture was worth it.

[Brett Vesley]

She still looks good.

[John Holmberg]

And she still looks good.

[Brady Bogan]

She's getting.

[Brett Vesley]

She's still looking.

[John Holmberg]

I would never guess get some good roles the three of you. Brady Dale and Demi Moore are all around the same graduating class. Her and I together I could and that would also call the police because it's a hostage situation. I definitely see you together. And her screams are haunting even in my fantasy. Yeah I just. She looks great but I just don't ever want to hear from people in their 60s telling everybody they've tortured themselves. Stop it. You tried hard to look good while your body was running hot.

JLo posting all those pictures every 20.

Seconds and women do have it tough because they're the only ones who hear she looks good four and then at age right they never say that about 20 year old girls she looks good for 22. Doesn't happen.

[Brett Vesley]

No.

[John Holmberg]

It only starts in your 40s. 50s. Oh you still look good. It's surprising.

[Brett Vesley]

I used to torch torture my body to look as good as exactly.

[John Holmberg]

Talk about an NFL player who says you know talk about torturing yourself for your for your craft. Dale can barely remember numbers past 11.

[Brett Vesley]

I go to the gym and I go to the machine area of right.

[John Holmberg]

The coffee machine still wears a helmet. The soda machine and the place of gives out sandwiches.

[Brett Vesley]

Anything else?

[Brady Bogan]

Here's a couple of gross. He's running the show Gross behind the scenes facts from TV shows and movies.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Hurry up.

[Brady Bogan]

Nicole Kidman peed on Zac Efron for real in the jellyfish scene in the paperboy movie.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody knows any of those.

[Brady Bogan]

Nicolas Cage ate a live cockroach in the Vampire's Kiss.

[John Holmberg]

That's a great movie. Underrated movie by the way. Old 1980s movie vampires kiss. Very funny.

[Brady Bogan]

Will Ferrell had to film the spaghetti scene in Elf twice because he threw up during the first take. Christian Bale ate real maggots in Rescue Dawn.

[John Holmberg]

Not worth it. And Demi Moore's complaining she had to work out too much torture. Yeah.

[Chris Porter]

Torture.

[John Holmberg]

This guy's eating maggots.

[Brady Bogan]

Halle Berry didn't shower or take a bath for two weeks to get her into a character for Jungle Fever.

[John Holmberg]

I'd still do it. Two weeks of no bathing of Halle Berry. Do you still they'll go in there Dale. No you don't.

[Brett Vesley]

No. It's the one it's especially a guy like you is so into but you.

[John Holmberg]

Only get Halle Berry for I still think it would smell good you only she. She has to leave. You'll never see her again. You have an hour and she's like let's do this. I haven't taken a bath for two Weeks.

[Brett Vesley]

I said no. I'm happily married.

[John Holmberg]

Okay? Fantasies suck.

With you, him and Brady.

Yeah, I know. What about you? I'll ask a good guy.

[Brett Vesley]

Johnny. You don't even go half a day with not being.

[John Holmberg]

I know. That's why it's the question. Otherwise it would be an easy answer. There's no fun in that, Brett. You do it. Two weeks, no shower. Halle Berry. Yeah, I guess so.

[Brett Vesley]

You're going down there?

[John Holmberg]

Front and back.

Not back.

You never know.

She could be a rust butter.

I'm licking. Licking the stamp. I'm licking the envelope.

I lick the stamp. I'm not gonna do the envelope at that point.

Just saying.

Anyway, Margot Robbie.

Yeah, yeah. Margot Robbie calls.

Two weeks, a month. The hell with it.

I'm Margot Robbie. Doesn't even need to take sh. Yeah, exactly. Stop. I like her natural.

Yes, exactly.

Her natural odor. When Margo's having her woman time during the month, I'll clog it with my finger time. Is that it? We're done.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, hey.

[John Holmberg]

I'm out today over at EOS Fitness on Gilbert Road and McKellops from 5 to 7 tonight. And easy peasy, we got all kinds of tickets, disturbed tickets and all kinds of fun.

[Brett Vesley]

You can bring your workout gear. Get a little workout.

[John Holmberg]

Paid enough for that. I don't get paid enough to torture myself. Toledo's gonna make a call in the next 15 or 20.

Oh, what was the total? We've had a couple.

$70 90, 19 cents.

Oh, it was close.

Yeah, we was in four bucks. I gave that one away. So. I didn't. I didn't throw it out there. A lot more people than Monday. Got it. More people today than Monday. Got it. So Toledo will call one of the qualifiers and put you on the list, maybe win $5,000. One of six people will stand on that stage, and only one of them walks with five grand from our friend Doug Hopkins. That's it. Dale's on wtv. Wtv.

[Brett Vesley]

Wtsm.

[John Holmberg]

Wtsm. Wbsm. Wtsm.

[Brady Bogan]

Tsm.

[Brett Vesley]

Tsm.

[John Holmberg]

Then tv.

[Brett Vesley]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Then dot com.

[Brett Vesley]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

So why don't you ever say that whole thing?

[Brett Vesley]

Because I get confused.

[John Holmberg]

Wcsm, tv.

[Brady Bogan]

He's on with Bob.

[John Holmberg]

Wt.

[Brett Vesley]

I'm on with her. Do fellow Dobs tonight.

[John Holmberg]

Bob who? Robert Wire will be doing the show. He's got a tattoo of him on his arm.

[Brett Vesley]

You're gonna make fun of me?

[John Holmberg]

Well, come on. Bob Wire. Did you really think it was Bob Wire?

[Brett Vesley]

No, I kind of knew it was barbed wire, but, Barb, it's hard to say Barb D. Barbed Wife.

[John Holmberg]

It's hard to say Barbed Wire.

[Brady Bogan]

No, no, no.

[Brett Vesley]

I say, did you know what I was talking about?

[Brady Bogan]

I say, barbed wire.

[John Holmberg]

That's the woman that Pamela Anderson played in the terrible movie Barbed Wire.

[Brett Vesley]

Did you know what I was talking about?

[John Holmberg]

No. That's why I said, what do you. Who's Barbed Wire? I said, who the hell is Barbed Wire? And why would you have a. I honestly thought you were talking about the Grateful Dead, Bob Weir, and I thought he was saying your last name wrong. But you'll get it intuitively. You'll figure this out. See how good I am at talking? We're done. Larry's next. You guys have a good one. We'll see you tomorrow. The morning sickness. Oh, hey. It's not weird. It's pretty, actually.

[Brady Bogan]

No membership fees.

[John Holmberg]

I've heard enough of this. All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Get up north to Desert Ridge to see comedy sets from Leo Gonzalez and Tempe at the Improv. You've got Randy Feldface performing. Just Google it.

[Brett Vesley]

And you're gonna have to go see for yourself on that one.

[John Holmberg]

And downtown at Stand Up Live, the very funny Gary Owen entertains you all this week. For the complete lineups and for tickets, go standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com From Monument.

[Dick Toledo]

Valley to Sedona, Horseshoe Bend, Grand Canyon, and more, you might think you've seen all Arizona has to offer. Well, I'd tell you, if you haven't been fishing in Arizona, you haven't seen a thing. It's Dick Toledo from Homework's morning sickness. And my first time fishing in Arizona was up in Greer with my friend Jeremy. He was the pro that I'm definitely not. But grabbing a fishing license that weekend was the passport that opened up the whole state to me. And you can get your [e-mail] and discover for yourself a whole new way to take in the Arizona sites.

[I]

Hey, what's up? It's Mo and my friends at the University of Advancing Technology has been ranked the number one best college for computer science for not one, but two years in a row. Which makes total sense because UAT are always on the lookout for those who don't just embrace technology, they live it. From advancing computer science and robotics to cybersecurity, gaming and artificial intelligence, UAT is where innovations are thrives. So if you're ready to lead the next tech revolution. Visit uat Edu Mo. And don't just study tech, live it.