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John Holmberg
You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.
Brady Bogan
All right, HMS Podcast time again. It'll let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Get up north to Desert Ridge to see comedy sets from Leo Gonzalez and Tempe at the Improv. You've got Randy Felt Face performing. Just Google it. And you're gonna have to go see for yourself on that one. And downtown at Standup Live, the very funny Gary Owen entertains you. All this for the complete lineups and for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com Fisher Tools has been the Valley's trusted source for professional grade tools for over 60 years. Family owned for three generations, they offer the largest selection of power tools from Milwaukee, Makita, DeWalt and more. They also specialize in tool repair, including hydraulics like Burndy and commercial electric contractor tools, as well as having a state of the art on site glove testing facility. Visit Fisher Tools in store or online@fishertools.com and use promo code KUPD for 10% off your order. Fisher Tools brands you know, service you trust.
Larry McFeely
Hey, it's Larry McFeely here with my friend Wayne from Amco. And Wayne, if my car has an extended warranty, do I have to take it back to the dealer for service?
Wayne
No, Larry, if you have an extended service contract, you can use it at any amco.
Larry McFeely
It's nice to have other options.
Wayne
I'll say. Amco has dealership quality rental cars, no hassles and faster service.
Larry McFeely
Amco does more than just transmissions, right?
Wayne
Right. If you need car repairs or hear, feel, see, smell, or even think you have a car issue, call Amco first.
Larry McFeely
Just Google Amco for your near location. That's Amco double A MCO transmissions and.
Brady Bogan
A whole lot more.
Brett Vesli
Sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. Good morning everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Thursday. It is 5:45. This. This is the morning sickness. My name's John Holmberg. There's Brady Bogan, there's Brett Vesli, and there's big Dick Toledo that rounds it out. Here we are here. Another glorious day here in paradise. Again, I implore you to get outside and just stand in it. It's perfect. You know, when you get in a pool and it's perfect weather. That's our current air condition. Get outside and just be in this. It is amazing. I don't know how we have any fat people in this city. Get outside and wander around.
John Holmberg
Oh, we got them.
Brett Vesli
Well, I'm aware of that, but man, oh, man, it is just. It's perfect. I don't know how we're trapped inside at all. We got to be trapped inside from June until September. Take advantage of this. I tell you every day, you live in paradise. Look around, wander through it. It's a beautiful place to be. Show may be abbreviated today. It may not last the entire time. Not gonna lie to you. I'm a little dizzy. I have a. I have a situation developing that I think maybe this may be end times. And I'm going to take my pants off now. I'm going to show you guys what I'm talking about. Oh, bear with me.
Big Dick Toledo
Oh, he's really doing this.
Brett Vesli
I'm really. I'm really doing this.
Big Dick Toledo
All right, here we go. Where are we looking exactly?
Brett Vesli
I'll show you.
Big Dick Toledo
Okay.
Brett Vesli
You'll know, buddy.
Big Dick Toledo
Here we go. Dizziness. Oh, okay.
Brett Vesli
Yeah, that's what you do.
Big Dick Toledo
A boil.
Brett Vesli
I got bit on the ass by something. Oh, that could be because I got another one on my foot. And I don't know what it is, but it is swelling up. It's like sitting on a baseball. And it. It is not. When I touch it, I get a little off.
Big Dick Toledo
You're saying you're dizzy?
Brett Vesli
I'm dizzy. I'm. I think it's that every time I'm a little off, I'm a little off. Yeah. Well, it's. Yeah.
Big Dick Toledo
Did you look up brown recluse?
Brett Vesli
No. I have. Yeah. Brown recluse usually starts with a center hole and it starts to go deep. There's no hole in this.
Big Dick Toledo
And then it is a quickly start.
Brett Vesli
Big bite on my ass. And I mean big. It looks like yesterday it looked like a nipple. My ass. My. My sweet voluptuous left cheek looked like a big breast. And in the middle of it was this pink circle. I'm like, it looks like a really nice boob. If I took a picture, people would be fooled. Now you saw it. It is a massive. It's still reddish being ingrown. No, I don't have a lot of hair back there. That's. Those feel painful. This feels weird. And it itches. It's. It's.
Big Dick Toledo
Don't remember it. Maybe you're asleep.
Brett Vesli
I woke up with. I woke up with what? I thought was a mosquito bite on my ass. I itched. It was a day or two ago, and this morning, I. When I rolled over, I hit it. I'm like, oh. And it started getting a little weird. Then I got up, and I'm like, is that from the thing? And I reached back. I'm like, whoa. It's four times bigger today than it was yesterday. Looked at it in the mirror, and.
Big Dick Toledo
A donut won't help to sit on a donut.
Brett Vesli
You and I both. And Brady thought just maybe having a long John would fix it. That's just your mom. It's your mom's solution to everything. Brady, Maybe a donut will help. No. No, it's not about. I know. I know. It's. I don't think it's about, like. I don't think it's about staying off of it. It's weird. I got another one on my ankle.
Big Dick Toledo
Same thing.
Brett Vesli
It's not as big, but it's the same exact start. So I got a. Like a little hitman somewhere in my house or. I don't know, maybe in my car or something. I don't know. But he's taking me down twice. And if I hit this wrong, I don't feel good. Like, it's an immediate, like, shock to the system when I. When I. When I lean into it, it's like, oh. So I'm sitting forward pretty hard to stay off of that. I'm not bumping into it, because if I hit hurts, like, it's like a. It's not.
Big Dick Toledo
And you didn't try, so it itch, but you didn't, like, try to pop it or.
Brett Vesli
There's nothing to pop. I know the difference between a pop and a scratch. And it's just a scratch. And now it's like a. Hey, something ain't right. It's taken. It's taken a lot of life force to keep this thing alive, and it's sucking mine. My life force is now being forced into this welt, and the welt is winning. So the Welt is about 70% more alive than I am right now.
John Holmberg
Just the flesh would be.
Brett Vesli
It's weird. Not a boil, people. Like, it's a boil. Tell your boyfriend to use mouthwash next time, pig. And I'm like, yeah, that could be. If it was on my anus, I'd be worried. Not an abscess. I know the difference. This guy said, I've had three starts as a mosquito bite. Go to the doctor and get those pills. Also, are you vaxxed now? Let's not start that argument on whether or not the, you know, depends on what vaccine my Johnson and Johnson or my, my Moderna didn't get. No, I don't have the measles. I still have my wits about me. However I am. I am in a strange space because hitting it is now. Now I'm conscious of it. So now I'm wondering how much of it's mental that I'm like, oh, there. Oh, there's the thing. And do I get nauseous every time I bump it? It doesn't hurt. Like a boil would hurt.
John Holmberg
Yeah.
Big Dick Toledo
What if it was like a spider that, you know, laid eggs?
Brett Vesli
That's there. I've been thinking about that too. Like he went. It's burrowed in there. It's still in there. And he's just making it like he's building a house.
Big Dick Toledo
You're the host.
Brett Vesli
I'm. Why I can't blame him. I mean, sleeping naked with my ass up like that. It's a gift for any spider. Like, look at that beautiful mountain of man. It's. It's bad. We can take pictures and put it up on the website because last thing I'm gonna do is go to the doctor for this and this. If this is the end game. A. Hilarious. If I died of a.
Big Dick Toledo
It all started.
Brett Vesli
His ass started to swell and then he died. Hilarious. I'll die from that. But yeah, we'll put it online and see if we have any people who've had. I think it's just a bite. I think I'm just having a reaction to something that bit me. I don't know what it is.
Big Dick Toledo
Yeah, I just gotta text me a picture of his AIDS sore.
Brett Vesli
Oh, he's got an AIDS sore. Well, that's that. I don't think I have the aid. Be getting it hard work to get the AIDS that fast. Wow, that's a pretty impressive aids and just overnight your aids and maybe. I don't know how AIDS works. This one says thanks a lot, dude. Some people are eating. Gross. You didn't have to look at it.
John Holmberg
Yeah, we had to see the damn.
Brett Vesli
These guys are, you know, look my medical professionals in. Brett, do you want to come touch it? Brett Got an odd texture.
Big Dick Toledo
Do you must be a first time listener.
Brett Vesli
Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Come on, Joel Luna. Yeah, everybody's got a thing. Maybe it was that purse hot dog. It's 100% AIDS. It could be. Yeah. I don't think purse hot dog gives it. I had it before that, by the way. It was there two Days ago, I woke up feeling like, oh, something bit me in the ass. Little itch. Tiny. Felt like a mosquito bite. And now it has. It has erupted into. You saw it. It's big. Oh, it's about size of a little. Little bigger than a silver dollar, I'd say.
Big Dick Toledo
Like a golf ball.
Brett Vesli
Yeah, I think it's a little bigger than that, even. I think it would. I think if you put a golf ball against it, you just see the corona around the golf. It's a little bigger, but for the most part. Yeah, The.
Big Dick Toledo
You basically have a nipple on your butt.
Brett Vesli
It's a big nipple, too. It'd be a nipple. You'd be like, this chick's areolas are too big.
John Holmberg
Dr. Vasquez wants to say that John situation needs to be posted on Grindr. Get a twink over to suck whatever it is out of there.
Brett Vesli
Could I get a twink to suck out the poison? I'm. I'm all for that. If there's a twink out there that's willing to come down here, we'll film it, we'll put it on Facebook for as long as it lasts, and you guys will get a treat out of that. Brady, would you suck out the poison?
Big Dick Toledo
I would not.
Brett Vesli
Even if it was real and I needed that.
Big Dick Toledo
Yeah.
Brett Vesli
As a friend. You would not suck out the poison.
Big Dick Toledo
I would know you. You wouldn't want me to.
Brett Vesli
I would want you to, like. No.
Big Dick Toledo
Just let it. Let it kick in. No, I'm ready to go.
Brett Vesli
If someone said it's. No, no, no. That's not how it is. That's not at all how it is. If I died from it, I wouldn't.
Big Dick Toledo
Care if you were dying from it, and there's a poison there I'm sucking.
Brett Vesli
You'd suck the poison out. That's what it is. I just found out. Yeah. So you got to get over here now. Oh, it's huge. And it's weird. So I actually thought about, like, going straight to a doctor.
John Holmberg
Say, going straight.
Brett Vesli
Going straight. Yeah. Think about, stop using this ass for evil. But, yeah, no, I'm gonna. It's weird.
Big Dick Toledo
Help, you know, post the picture of it. Maybe some people can analyze it.
Brett Vesli
Yeah, we'll have somebody. Richard will take a picture of it. I'll take my pants off.
John Holmberg
Renee wants you to. She said you should ask your. Your neighbor Dr. Troy next door.
Brett Vesli
They've had ass issues in the past. They recognize an ass problem. Got it. Ready, Rich? All right. Hi, Richard. Here we go.
John Holmberg
The best part is this is gonna be on Toledo's cloud on his icloud.
Brett Vesli
Turn away. Wait for it. Look at that thing. Point to it. Huh? Point to it. You think this.
John Holmberg
How can you miss it?
Brett Vesli
People are struggling with where it is. Toledo got a point to it. Oh, you're admiring that doesn't hurt. It doesn't feel good. It doesn't hurt. But it.
Big Dick Toledo
Because it looks like it's almost trying to peek. Even more like it's poppable.
Brett Vesli
No, it's not poppable. It's itchy and it's. It's dizzying. It's a leader. We'll put it up on Facebook. And we need some you're welcome. Some sleuths, some medical people who can do this. I don't go to WebMD for this because they'll just. Again, they'll tell me I've got something terrible.
Big Dick Toledo
Someone said Singapore Dick Slug.
Brett Vesli
I could have that. I looked that up this morning. Just for fun, actually. So I start most of my mornings. That's my coffee. It's pictures of Singapore Dick Slug. Not a bad band name.
John Holmberg
Or a gay porn star.
Brett Vesli
Gay porn star.
John Holmberg
Why would I have Singapore.
Brett Vesli
Is that his name? Oh, a good porn star. I thought you were, like, what? That is a good porn name. Oh, boy. We started a whole new category.
Big Dick Toledo
Dr. Dave bowl is assessing it right now.
Brett Vesli
He's taking. Is he a real doctor?
Big Dick Toledo
No.
Brett Vesli
Okay. Did you send it to him?
Big Dick Toledo
Not yet.
Brett Vesli
Oh, oh, oh, he's looking. Geez, Toledo's got it up there already. Yeah, it's not good, but I. And it's not like, you know, people say, oh, it's an infection. It's not. I know the difference between, like, an ingrown hair or an abscess or something like that. It doesn't have the qualities of, you know, those things hurt, like, when you hit them. Like, oh, it's a zinger. This. This makes me dizzy. Like I've got poison in my system. And every time I. It just. I just got something. I got something wrong with my ass. It ain't right. Based on my extensive experience with STDs, my friend, I believe you have the gay AIDS. That's not. That's not what it is. Again, one of them platinum asses, some guy emailed Larry about how angry he is, and he's going to take it to the government about me being. He's gay. And he's like, john is a homosexual. And I don't know why he's trying to tell people he's. He's gay, but he's not. Will he just follow through and finish like he's mad that I'm not following through. 100. Just giving my ass to any man like that. And he's like, he wants to. I don't, I don't mind being gay, but if you're going to be gay, do it. So it's, you know, what does that mean that any virgin can't be gay? You're only gay once you have sex. I thought it wasn't about the sex, but he's going to go to the government and I'm going with something about the Freedom of Information act. And he's going to take all the times I said I was gay and haven't had sex and he's going to give it to Trump. I guess I don't know what's going to happen.
Big Dick Toledo
Executive order.
Brett Vesli
Yeah. If you say you're gay, you got to prove it. You got to do it. If you don't, if you don't take one in the, in the sphincter, he's.
Big Dick Toledo
Going to send you to the border.
Brett Vesli
That's it. I got to deport you to Gaytopia where you'll get railed on a regular basis and finally be the gay you say you are.
John Holmberg
Hey, Byron. I heard you have something new to announce from MMP Guns, Brett.
Byron
I sure do. It's MMP Guns. Customs MMP Guns is creating some amazing firearms. We offer polishing, plating, bluing, custom laser engraving, laser stippling, cerakoting and performance upgrades. We do everything in house with our master trained craftsmen. You can select our designs or make up your own.
John Holmberg
Well, can you do this to my gun?
Byron
We can do it to nearly any firearm. Doesn't matter where you live. You can ship it to us or. We already have completed firearms in inventory daily with no wait.
John Holmberg
Well, there you have it. MMP Guns on the northeast corner of 12th street and Indian School or online at mmpgunscustoms.com It's John Holmberg here.
Brett Vesli
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Doug Hopkins
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Brett Vesli
Holmberg's morning sickness. I don't know that that's a thing, but he's very mad and he's been emailing Larry hilariously that you want give.
John Holmberg
It up to him or what? I mean.
Brett Vesli
Oh yeah. That I haven't. That I haven't. That I haven't let loose my ass on the gay community.
John Holmberg
Well, you got that pristine ass.
Brett Vesli
Well, now I've got everybody. Now you don't want it gays. I pull my. Pull my pants down now and it's hopefully no gay touches it because it's.
Big Dick Toledo
Some sort of needs to be buffed out.
Brett Vesli
Some massive outbreak on this thing of just in one spot. It's weird, John. What if they have to amputate your ass? It's the only good feature I've got. That would be the end of me. We've got to take it off. Like, I'm sorry. That's. That's pills, my friend. That's it. So anyway, I just thought I'd let you know that if this show you.
Big Dick Toledo
Weren'T carrying a pencil in the back pocket at all. Your dad has always warned you about.
Brett Vesli
Right in your ass. That's not nothing about your cheeks. He wouldn't worry about a stab to the cheeks. He was worried about penetration from things in your pocket. Grew up with that horrible. Take that out. Yeah, you got a pen in your pocket. You're going to sit on the couch, it's going to fall out of your pocket. It's going to go right up my ass. What? Huge fear. I don't know if he still has it. Huge fear of my dad's because we used to keep our pens and pencils in our back pocket at school. You got a pen and stand up like, what's the matter? You got a goddamn pencil in your pocket and you're sitting on the couch. Yeah, I forgot it was there. Jesus Christ. You know it's gonna fall out. It's gonna fall. I know it's gonna fall out and go right up your ass. You'll see. You'll see. You'll be. When you're in. When I'm in the hospital with my ass up in the air and a sling crying, you'll see she did this to your dad. It'll go right up your ass. Anything cylindrical that was in your pocket could. Potch. Could potentially find its way in my dad's ass. That was. That was. If I were to say if it was like the Newlywed Game with your dad and Bob said, what would you say your father's biggest fear is? Oh, yeah, Rogue stuff crawling in his ass, Bob. That's the. No doubt about it. He. Maybe needles are a close second, but for the most part, this guy spent most of the majority of my junior high and high school years being completely concerned that my dad was gonna have stuff in his ass against his will and not people. Not a rape. He'd handle that. He could fight a guy he can't fight a rogue pen, a Bic going right up his ass. Huge fear. And now look, his son has to deal with this. Something crawling around. I don't know when it happened. I don't know if I was asleep. I would assume so. You'd think you'd feel this. As big as this is. You'd think whatever fangs drove themselves into my ass, that I, you know, you're.
Big Dick Toledo
Pulling out Bougainville or something, or a thorn or cactus or.
Brett Vesli
I've broken down, like, all the things that could have possibly been when this happened. I do go sit outside with the dogs a lot, you know, And I'm telling you, it's the best to get the turf. You throw the turf down, you can sit on. It's never wet or muddy or any. So I'm on that a lot. But you'd think had that happened while I was awake, I'd have felt every second of it. And it's. It's. I'm not. I'm not a hundred percent. I'm dizzy. I'm not. I've been. I'm affected. Let's just say I'm affected.
Big Dick Toledo
And on the top of the foot.
Brett Vesli
Is the second one kind of on the side of my ankle. And that one's not as bad, but it's the same ex. Exact thing. It's just not as big yet. And that means tomorrow I'll have that to look forward to because that one happened. That one started after this one. So it was two days ago that I felt this one and started scratching. And then one of my ankle yesterday, like, I got bit again. I don't know. I Got good bug guys. I don't have a bug issue. I look around, I've got nothing. Shake it down. I got nothing. You never know when that'll be it. And you've seen people on the news and stuff that die from weird things. I think that would be a great way for me to check out. Hilarious. Like, he's getting really sick. Like, if this one lasted a while, like that thing on his ass turned out to be a real thing. And like, two weeks from now, I can't come to work anymore. And then. I mean, that's just funny. I have no problem with that being the end of me.
Big Dick Toledo
Let's spray some Bactine on there or something.
Brett Vesli
No, this isn't gonna work.
John Holmberg
Ah, Christ.
Brett Vesli
Yeah, let's put something that makes it squeal a little. Brett, rub up. Rub up some of that olive oil on here and see if that. Get your arm. Get your arm loose and rub it on my ass. Anyway, we'll put. We'll post the pictures. I'm sure you guys will have.
John Holmberg
A lot of people are saying, staph.
Big Dick Toledo
Infection because you're working out, but that.
John Holmberg
Three or four people are saying, but.
Brett Vesli
That stuff actually hurts, that it gets worse with time. So does it.
John Holmberg
Tomorrow you might be really feeling it.
Brett Vesli
I can't imagine.
Big Dick Toledo
It starts out like that. Kind of.
John Holmberg
That's what they're saying.
Brett Vesli
Itchy like a bite.
John Holmberg
I haven't gotten that. But they're. All the descriptions you've made so far.
Brett Vesli
Are saying, so they're not looking at the picture.
John Holmberg
Not yet. I had a similar issue on my knee and I could barely walk.
Brett Vesli
Oh, boy.
John Holmberg
To the doctor. And he had to squeeze out all the pus and dead tissue. Left a hole in my knee for a week.
Brett Vesli
I know right now this isn't a. This isn't an infection you can squeeze. I'm good at squeezing out stuff. I watched Dr. Pimple Popper last night. This is not something I'd go to her. There's no internal anything, but it's. I don't know. This guy says, john, it's not a bug bite. It's just a place. Your body's decided to grow more nose because your face is out of real estate. It'll continue to develop. Nostrils will be developed probably by noon today. Maybe it is a second nose that I've got because I'm out of face Real Estate.
John Holmberg
Dr. Jason said, Better hope it don't spread to your Juno's to make it bigger than it already is.
Brett Vesli
I'd look like WC Fields for God's sake. Anyway, I thought I'd share. I thought I had friends out there. I thought I had a group of people that could, you know, empathize and potentially help. But no, evidently it's gay aides. Or I've got a second nose growing off my ass. Could be that. That staff. But there. Is there a hole in the middle of that. That first one does look a little bit like that.
Big Dick Toledo
That's the start of it. It does look.
Brett Vesli
Yeah, it looks a little. Is. It is staff. Itchy and stuff. That did look like it. Interesting.
John Holmberg
People want to know if you passed out the H and H Ranch. And was Doug anywhere in there?
Brett Vesli
We did. I did hang out with Doug, but he went home. And I was not at the H and H Ranch. So, no, I did not spend any time in there. I just. I went to Copper Blues and. And hoofed it back. Nope, Nope. No time with Doug in the H. H Ranch. And that's up pretty high. I don't think there's bugs that go up there. I don't think even need. That's weird. Living up, like, having a high thing, a high apartment. You realize you don't really end up with bugs too much. They don't get up there. You got to bring them in. Never once, I don't think. Have we had that building sprayed up.
John Holmberg
Oh, there you go.
Brett Vesli
But I haven't. But there's no bugs up there.
Big Dick Toledo
She can get staff from food.
Brett Vesli
Oh, boy. Now you're worried.
Big Dick Toledo
Bacteria is one of the most common causes of food poisoning.
Brett Vesli
Well, it feels like. It feels funny. And people. It's not. Trust me. It's an ingrown hairy. For all the Mexican jokes. You think they gave me it. They've cursed me with an ingrown hair. It's not an ingrown hair.
John Holmberg
EJ wants to know if it's monkey pox from all the gay sex you've been having.
Brett Vesli
None of you are my friends. Not a one of you. Not a damn one of you. That could be somebody trying to kill you by jabbing a needle in your sleep. Ah, I wouldn't put that past that. Megan. If she's trying to kill me, if I fall asleep in the middle of the day on the couch. I've been wondering about that for a while. Anyway. I'm being poisoned. That could be. There could be some of that. This one. He wants me to. He wants the monkey to dance. Gene Simmons here. For one payment of $89, Gene Simmons will expel the poison from John's wound for an extra 9.99. Gene Simmons will then sign his ass. Gene Simmons from Kiss. And you can have a tattooed on there. I can fix this, by the way. It's a beautiful thing. Is it up? Yeah.
Dr. Vasquez
Nurse practitioner on there says you need to mark the borders.
Brett Vesli
Yeah, I've seen that. Where you draw a circle around it, and if it gets bigger, then you got something. But isn't that just in case it starts going towards your heart? I don't know about that. I've seen that because I had an old doctor tell me that when there was a bite. If it's on your chest, if it starts spreading and goes to your heart, you got trouble.
John Holmberg
Ben said he'd come over here and draw that for you.
Brett Vesli
Yeah, I get people to draw in my ass. Will you make a circle around it, Brett, with a marker?
John Holmberg
No, I'm good.
Brett Vesli
No one's my friend. I don't have any real friends. You guys just use me. He just used me for a check every two weeks and then it's off. But when I need you to draw a circle on my ass, are you there? No.
Dr. Vasquez
Nurse practitioner says, stop squeezing it.
Brett Vesli
I'm not squeezing it, okay? I am not.
Dr. Vasquez
It could be if it's MRSA or staff definitely stop squeezing.
John Holmberg
Oh, man.
Brett Vesli
We had MRSA in the building back. Nobody said anything when we had MRSA in the building. Oh, no, it was. Heather had Mercer, right? I don't remember. Somebody else. Yeah, somebody else had Monkeypox.
Dr. Vasquez
Yeah, that was the one.
John Holmberg
I don't think either one was brought up.
Brett Vesli
No, Heather told after the fact. No, Heather had.
John Holmberg
That's what I'm saying.
Brett Vesli
A thing on her head. And she was sick for a week and then came to work with it and it was oozing. And I said, oh, that thing in your head. Oh, it's my mrsa. And I'm like, you need to go home. I think. I think that isn't done. She's like, I got work to do. And I'm like, yeah, we've got a life to live. Go home.
John Holmberg
What do you expect? Hot dog mouth? Not so funny now.
Brett Vesli
That a hot dog causes ass welts. Depends on, I guess, what you're doing with it. Anyway. Everybody's like, you may need. These are terrible pics, but I'd mark the borders. Could be simple as a mosquito bite to an infected hair follicle. Watch for worsening of sight. Itchy MRSA infection. Staph infection. Stop squeezing it. Yeah, that's the same. I'm not that same word. I am not squeezing it. I have told you that already because.
Dr. Vasquez
You know the difference.
Brett Vesli
Says possibly in a hurry. It sounds like you didn't clean your rust butt very well and used a rust towel heading towards the bowl and brushed it on your ass. And now rust is setting up shop. Gonna make a little village of a rust bacteria that eats away deep into your ass cheek and eventually leave a.
Dr. Vasquez
Crater if your rust goes five inches from your crack like that Dot did.
Brett Vesli
Right. If I've got more problems than anything, I'm sitting in a pile of my own feces. If my cheeks seven inches away from the exit mark. This guy said, get serious, man. I had mercen. All I can say is get to a doctor. I'm not there yet. No, that's got a head on it. This does not.
Big Dick Toledo
This is early on.
Brett Vesli
This is.
Big Dick Toledo
I mean, I mean same later it starts. Is what I think it's a bite.
Brett Vesli
It's so oddly like non painful. But we. Anyway, what are you gonna do?
Big Dick Toledo
I'll have starts turning into that kind of open.
Brett Vesli
See, that's an. That. That the first picture you showed me did kind of look like it. Those don't.
Big Dick Toledo
And then that's got us.
Brett Vesli
That's got a center. This doesn't have a center. Well, it's kind of all over the same.
John Holmberg
Somebody else said Mercer too.
Brett Vesli
Yeah, well, we'll see. This one says, this is what you get. Why you're so smart about it. Hanging out with the ghouls Friday night. One of those ghouls gave you them hillbilly herpes. That's true. I did hang out with you guys again on Friday. See, it probably was Sunday when I first got bit. Now it's Monday.
Dr. Vasquez
The junior biologists want better pictures, so we gotta.
Brett Vesli
Okay, take a few more. I'm gonna go in better lighting. Yeah, you and I'll take you into the bathroom. God damn it. Take you in the bathroom. I'll drop my pants and you can do your work.
John Holmberg
Let's call Max up, let him come down here and do a full video and everything else.
Brett Vesli
Max does nice work. We should do that. Yesterday at Dixon, Max was. I was not feeling great yesterday, but it wasn't because I don't know what it was. Maybe it was the thing. I've just. I was so tired. Like, incredibly, strangely tired. And I've kind of tied everything back to this thing on my ass. I was just like, man, I got.
Big Dick Toledo
To making sense now.
Brett Vesli
I got to take a life day off. When we were out yesterday, I'm like, I got to just Go home and not be a person for a little bit. Have no responsibilities for a day morning sickness medicate.
John Holmberg
We're here with Byron from MMP MMP Guns. Byron, why should someone choose to go to MMP Guns?
Byron
The choice is simple, Brett. M and P Guns is your one stop shop for all your shooting needs. We offer Arizona's largest selection handguns, rifles, shotguns, new and pre owned. We also have a large selection of ammunition, accessories and even training. In fact right now all pre owned firearms are 20% off, all new firearms are 10% off and we have ammo ink 9mm hollow points for only $12.99 a box and much more.
John Holmberg
Well, it sounds like M and P Guns is committed to providing the customers with the best possible service and selection.
Byron
That's a fact. You can visit us at the store at the northeast corner of 12th street and Indian School or online at mmpguns dot.
Brady Bogan
Fisher Tools has been the Valley's trusted source for professional grade tools for over 60 years. Family owned for three generations, they offer the largest selection of power tools from Milwaukee, Makita, DeWalt and more. They also specialize in tool repair including hydraulics like Burndy and commercial electric contractor tools as well as having a state of the art on site glove testing facility. Visit Fisher Tools in store or online@fishertools.com and use promo code KUPD for 10% off your order. Fisher Tools brands you know, service you trust.
Brett Vesli
Holmberg's morning sickness and we went to Dixon and they were awesome to us. And we, you know, hanging out with the gang up there, they got great stuff, tons of it. And we went through their store and met everybody and hung out. They're part of you fest. So they're giving us tour of the place and we're hanging out over there and I just like man, what a.
Big Dick Toledo
Tough place to work.
Brett Vesli
Yeah, seems, seems rough. But I wanted to drop out so bad. Just kind of lay down and go away. And I've been putting it all on this thing.
John Holmberg
Phil wants to know if you did overnights at KDKB before he came here.
Brett Vesli
I haven't even gone. I when was the last time I went down that hall? Yeah, I actually, I actually asked myself, I'm like, what's one of them wandering into our side? I mean that, that sounds like a joke, but we've had monkeypox in the building. I'm just saying you got to be careful what you touch around here because nobody told us. I think that's against all the laws that we were, you Know, when Covid was around, everybody got outed. There was no HIPAA violation to say this guy's got it and scream it out. Monkeypox showed up. We didn't even know it was here for like a week and a half. That's ten times worse than Covid was. And you know the person who had it, awesome.
Big Dick Toledo
They shut the building down and shamed me. I mean, I was.
Brett Vesli
Well, that was before. Yeah, you were. You were. They were right. That was right. But the shaming part, no. We'd have figured it out. You like, brady's not here. Somebody said, it's in the building, it would have been you. We could have done the math, but if you just stop showing up to work for a few weeks during COVID and people like, where's Brady? No, not here. What does he have Covid? That would have been everybody's first question. He's got it, doesn't he? Oh, no. Nobody's allowed to say HEPA violation is what Monkeypox was. So you got to be careful. This building is potentially riddled with that stuff anyway. It's. Yeah, it's. This maybe is those worms your grandma was trying to see with that flashlight. Boy, you guys remember everything. My grandma used to have worry about worm checks, worm checks and flashlight the kids asses just in case there were worms hanging around your head. No, that's not. Anyway, beyond that, I do have to say I saw do the guy I joke about with all the time from the year 2012, 2013. I had those Mexican guys working on my house. Remember them? Manny. Manny. And I can't remember. Can't remember the other guy's name. I'm pretty sure his name's Manny. I don't use it. I just go, what's up? And he was the one that always said, what's up? That's how he always greeted me. Pinch a John. And he'd say that I was at the gas station right up here at qt. And I had a guy go, excuse me, are you John? And I turned and I'm like, yeah. And I kind of recognized him right away, but I didn't want to be sure. And I'm like, I know you. Yeah, I worked on your house a few years ago. I'm like, hey, what's up? And he gave me the what's up? How are you, man? And I'm like, oh, my God, it's great to see you. This dude won 250 grand in a scratcher. He won a scratcher Call David. Yeah, yeah. Oh, we should have got. We're gonna get you a nice little bungalow.
Big Dick Toledo
Yeah, we gotta make that happen.
Brett Vesli
250,000. It was a few years ago, like, 2015. He was in Iowa or some middle state. I don't remember what he said. He's like, yeah, on a road trip, hit a scratcher. And, like, for how much?
Big Dick Toledo
250, 000.
Brett Vesli
I'm like, you gotta be. You gotta be kidding me. Then he got back in a car that is somewhat suspect for someone who has won 250 grand. I kind of think it might have gone away. It was a basic.
Big Dick Toledo
Carve that up.
Brett Vesli
Oh, you could eat up 250 faster than you could ever imagine. And especially if you, you know, get a house and. But they were. He was a responsible guy. Like, he was a. But, yeah, he was pinched, John, and he hit me with the yesterday, and I died. Left one. A goddamn lottery scratcher. 250. And I can't remember, said Iowa or Kansas or whatever, but he was driving along on a roadie. They pulled over and hit it. It's the first person I think I've ever met that's won a scratcher that big ever. And it was a dude that used to call me names in my front yard. And I. You know what? It was a really nice moment because I've spent the last 12 years wondering if those guys actually liked me or if I was being made fun of in another language. And I think they actually proved that they liked me.
John Holmberg
Man. That just. That just proves Trey from Boyz N Hood was right.
Brett Vesli
Time with that. See, he's got a Choco dial in his mouth, and he's scratching the ticket. And Boys in the hood, man, you gotta be Mexican to win that. He is, and he did totally legitimately. I said, what did you get? He got a car, paid some stuff off. You know, we hung onto it. But I got a car. And then he climbed in a car that might be older than when I met him. Like, 15 years. It was an old car. It was like. I don't even know. It was like a Hyundai or a Kia or something. Eh, what are you gonna do? Pretty cool, though.
Big Dick Toledo
Maybe a saver. Just hang on to it. Driving the same car.
Brett Vesli
Well, it wasn't the same car because he used to. Oh, here's the thing. He used to always get a ride from his wife to my house. He never had his car. So you get dropped off all the time. Or I'd take him home a lot, too, which was not close. Hey, Pinch of John. What's up? Man, hey, we need a ride back. My wife can't get off work. And I'm like, oh, yeah, it's 5:15 and it's Thursday.
John Holmberg
I don't know how to get to.
Brett Vesli
Mary live in East Mesa. I'm like, this was like, Uber wasn't a thing yet. So we'd climb in my car. Thanks a lot. I appreciate it. Like, you bet. Guys, I don't know that you guys like me. What are you talking about? Pinch John. You. But yeah, so it was. It was great. Little reunion at the gas station. $250,000 scratcher. And I wanted to walk right in and buy a scratcher, but I'm like, no, you're not masking. I am not meskin. And also, the odds of being next to a guy who just won 250 and going in and getting another one and scratching that off are zero. So, like, there was no way, like, I can't. You can't do. That's like sitting at a slot machine. The guy wins 250,000 next to. Your slot's not gonna hit. They don't go side by side. That. That area is clear. You might win a little something. Although I did hit a big one once when a guy next to me hit a million. Damn, that was cool. We were both waiting to get paid out. I hit 90,000. That was a big.
John Holmberg
You're dancing around.
Brett Vesli
I was pretty happy. Dude next to me has. He's playing a thousand dollars a spin, and he hits three of those rainbow stars with sevens on them right across. And I'm like, dude, that's the jackpot. I didn't know how much he was playing. He did not budge. And I'm like, what is the win on that? And we looked up, and it was. It was. It was a million dollars. And I'm like, you're not even happy? And he goes, I'm down 1 4. Oh, my God. It's a bigger weekend than I could ever imagine. No people did that. So we hit it, and it was.
John Holmberg
Like, he's only down 4 now.
Brett Vesli
Down 400,000. He was. He was just not. There's nothing exciting about it. Then you start to realize that really, really wealthy people in Vegas, they have to go for it. They have to go into the sports book or make crazy bets or have. I didn't know this, but they'll put tables in your room when you're a really heavy whale.
John Holmberg
So, like, if Michael Jordan shows up, you can have a table in your room.
Brett Vesli
They do their own room. I. I was by Michael Jordan at a table in a, like a club in the Aria and they had five or six of his people. It's 25000 a hand. And so that was kind of neat. But I've been told like the whales will say, bring me. They have a room upstairs in your room that you can put like games in that you want. If you want slot machines, they'll do it. If you want a table game, they'll do it. They'll find other whales that can play your game and put you in a room with them and they'll just come in there and you get like five or six dudes that are willing to put like 100 grand on it each hand.
John Holmberg
It's like a mob card game.
Brett Vesli
It's kind of what it is, sort of. I think that's probably where the mob got the idea or Vegas got the idea from them. But it's like, yeah, well you can't play with the regular people. You can't be down there with these maximum bet tables. We'll go up to your room, you put on what you want. Poker, they do it all. It's crazy. EDM casino host is tell me that. She goes, yeah, we've just Chinese whale here tonight. I'm like, no kidding? She's. Yeah, he's got the whole like one of the floors was his. He's got the super, super sky suite, like the beautiful 4,000 square foot house penthouse. And they put games in there and then they got a couple other people that he brought and a couple other people in town that'll play his game.
John Holmberg
So they bring dealers up and everything and just whole dealers.
Brett Vesli
Yep, on the up and up. They've got witnesses, dealers, everything stays tight.
Big Dick Toledo
Markers covered.
Brett Vesli
Yeah, I don't think they. Yeah, they just. You guys, no limit, you're good, we're not man. And they keep an eye on it all. I don't know if they still. That was a while ago. I don't know if they. They probably still do that. I can imagine they cater to anything you need. It's crazy.
Big Dick Toledo
When I first moved out here, a guy that was two years older than me in the. Graduated from the same high school, was living out here and someone said, hey, you ought to look up this guy. He just won the lottery and it was like eight or ten million dollars.
Brett Vesli
Oh my God.
Big Dick Toledo
But when he won it, he flew out 10 or 12 of his friends from high school to Vegas and they did a week.
Brett Vesli
Crazy weekend. Yeah, so that's, you know, that's what you have to do. To win 250,000. And you're the guy who used to scrape the popcorn off my ceilings when I first moved into the house. Up until that point, the most impressive thing about that guy was he could. He could scrape the popcorn ceilings. And his arms never got tired. They were up over his head for hours. And I mean, the dude never got tired. I don't know whose idea popcorn ceilings were. You were an asshole. That dude. That's the worst thing.
John Holmberg
Some hippie back in the 70s weirdo.
Brett Vesli
That thought it would be great if it looked like the roof was melting or the ceiling.
Big Dick Toledo
Was it better or was it a better design?
John Holmberg
Somebody said it was acoustics too. And another thing I heard from a contractor was it's because when they did that, they didn't have to finish the ceilings as good. They just.
Brett Vesli
It was just lazy. Yeah, you just fired up what was up there and you left it to drip like a wax candle. Horrible. And taking it down's worse. Scraping, it's awful. It's messy and those. But that dude, he used to go straight arm up and scrape that goddamn thing for hours. The whole house.
Big Dick Toledo
I do 25 minutes.
Brett Vesli
Oh, it's impossible.
Big Dick Toledo
The head for the MRI in the tube.
Brett Vesli
It's off. And you're laying down. Are we standing up?
Big Dick Toledo
I was laying down.
Brett Vesli
Oh, laying down's nothing now.
Big Dick Toledo
Try just to be a tube was. I couldn't. It was tighter.
Brett Vesli
You know, in boxing, that used to be a drill.
Big Dick Toledo
Yeah.
Brett Vesli
You would hold your hands in the air and run in place. And the thing that would get tired first are your hands. I could run in place for an hour, but you're about four minutes of your hands in the air. It's like, oh, my God. They're. They feel like giant, you know, two ton blocks in your hands. You feel like you're gonna drop. We used to think called minute day. We'd hold two pound weights straight out, just straight ahead of you.
Big Dick Toledo
Yeah.
Brett Vesli
If you lasted two minutes with that. It's incredible. Like, it's so amazing how tired this dude. No problem. I'm just scraping your sealy Pinch, John. Like, hey, you're doing great work, man. Thanks, brother. Hey, go out of my cooler and grab my sandwich. I go get his little igloo cooler full of food. They'd go sit in the. They'd sit in my yard all the time and never came out with as welts. Yeah, we'll get some pictures of. We'll get some side by sides of. Draw a circle around it and do some stuff too. It'll do some work. But this guy says popcorn ceilings were full of asbestos. Typically, too. Yeah. I don't know. It was all just cancerous, fireproof asbestos disease, laziness. Ceilings in the business, and they were awful. Just not. Nobody ever moves in and go, man, we know what we need to do is put popcorn ceilings in. There's never once been a home improvement show where they're like, well, popcorn your ceiling.
John Holmberg
First thing we did in our house.
Brett Vesli
Get rid of that popcorn.
Big Dick Toledo
It's coming back.
Brett Vesli
No, it's not.
Big Dick Toledo
Oh, God.
Brett Vesli
If you've got it in your house right now. I don't know if he's retired from his 250.
Big Dick Toledo
I haven't heard that in a while. Yeah, I got to get rid of my popcorn ceiling because that was.
Brett Vesli
It was everywhere.
Big Dick Toledo
I think they're all gone.
Brett Vesli
I hope so. I hope. I hope we Munich those. I hope that there's a documentary about the world's last popcorn ceiling being scraped, because there are people right now sitting at their house looking up, going, God damn it. He's right. It's just. It looks bad. You can't have a nice house in popcorn ceilings. You can. You can pour millions into it if you still have popcorn ceilings. The first thing people see when they walk in poor. Oh, they're the worst. Just scrape them. Go find yourself a Mexican that has powerful shoulders that never get tired. He'll scrape it out. It took him about three days to do the whole house, but which was impressive. It would have taken me a month at least. All the crying and the breaks I'd have needed to take. Crazy. All right, we'll take some pictures of my ass as requested online, and we'll put them up on so you guys can assess it. It's not good. The ass part's great. The. The bite's no good. And then we'll get a wake up song. Five eight, five nine, eight hundred. A good one. We'll scream it together. It's 98 KUPD. Wake up. It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.
Big Dick Toledo
No membership fee.
Brett Vesli
I have heard enough of this.
Dr. Vasquez
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Larry McFeely
With my friend Wayne from AMCO. And Wayne, if my car has an extended warranty, do I have to take it back to the dealer for service?
Wayne
No, Larry. If you have an extended service contract, you can use it at any amco.
Larry McFeely
Well, it's other options.
Wayne
I'll say AMCO has dealership quality rental cars, no hassles and faster service.
Larry McFeely
AMCO does more than just transmissions, right?
Wayne
Right. If you need car repairs or hear, feel, see, smell or even think you have a car issue, call AMCO first.
Larry McFeely
Just Google AMCO for your nearest location. That's Amco Double A, MCO transmissions and.
Brady Bogan
A whole lot more.
Brett Vesli
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Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode: April 24, 2025 Title: Mystery Bite On His Ass Has John Worried He Won't Be Able To Finish The Show - Shoutout And Props To Workers Who Can Scrape Popcorn Ceilings And Not Get Fatigued
In this lively episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness on Arizona's #1 Morning Radio Show, host John Holmberg delves into a personal and humorous health dilemma voiced by co-host Brett Vesli. Joined by Big Dick Toledo and Brady Bogan, the team navigates through a mix of concern, comedy, and camaraderie, all while maintaining their trademark entertaining and provocative style.
The centerpiece of today's discussion revolves around Brett Vesli's perplexing and increasingly troubling bite on his posterior. Brett describes the incident with a blend of anxiety and humor, setting the stage for an engaging conversation.
Brett Vesli [02:28]:
"I woke up with what I thought was a mosquito bite on my ass. It itched. It was a day or two ago, and this morning, when I rolled over, I hit it. And it started getting a little weird."
As the bite swells rapidly, Brett expresses his concern that it may hinder his ability to continue with the show, injecting humor into the situation to keep the mood light.
The team engages in a spirited examination of potential causes for the mysterious bite, blending medical speculation with playful banter.
Big Dick Toledo [04:43]:
"Did you look up brown recluse?"
Brett Vesli [04:46]:
"No. Brown recluse usually starts with a center hole and it starts to go deep. There's no hole in this."
Brett rules out a brown recluse spider bite, noting that the characteristics don't match his symptoms. The conversation evolves to consider whether the bite could be more sinister or simply an unusual allergic reaction.
Brett Vesli [06:03]:
"It's weird. It feels like my body's decided to grow another nose because my face is out of real estate."
The hosts humorously speculate about exotic ailments, including the possibility of a spider laying eggs in the bite or Brett developing new facial features.
In their quest for solutions, the team brainstorms unconventional and humorous remedies, highlighting their characteristic irreverence.
John Holmberg [09:10]:
"Renee wants you to. She said you should ask your neighbor Dr. Troy next door."
Brett Vesli [09:48]:
"Could someone get a twink to suck out the poison? I'm all for that."
Despite the seriousness of the situation, the hosts maintain a comedic undertone, suggesting outlandish fixes while subtly emphasizing the need for medical attention.
The episode also touches on listener interactions and community anecdotes, fostering a sense of connection and shared experiences among the audience.
John Holmberg [32:13]:
"Phil wants to know if you did overnights at KDKB before he came here."
Brett Vesli [33:11]:
"He won 250 grand in a scratcher. We should get him a nice little bungalow."
These segments showcase the show's interactive nature, where personal stories and listener contributions enrich the overall narrative.
Shifting gears, the conversation nostalgically reminisces about the challenges of scraping popcorn ceilings, blending past experiences with present humor.
Brett Vesli [38:06]:
"Those guys always scraped the popcorn ceilings and their arms never got tired."
Big Dick Toledo [39:25]:
"25 minutes."
The hosts recall memories of friends adept at removing popcorn ceilings without fatigue, juxtaposing the arduous task with their own struggles, all while maintaining a light-hearted vibe.
As the episode wraps up, Brett Vesli reflects on the ongoing mystery of his bite, balancing humor with a hint of genuine concern.
Brett Vesli [42:16]:
"We can take pictures of my ass as requested online, and we'll put them up so you guys can assess it."
The team reiterates their commitment to supporting Brett, blending comedic elements with a touch of sincerity, embodying the essence of Holmberg's Morning Sickness.
Brett Vesli [02:28]:
"I woke up with what I thought was a mosquito bite on my ass. It itched. It was a day or two ago, and this morning, when I rolled over, I hit it. And it started getting a little weird."
Brett Vesli [06:03]:
"It's weird. It feels like my body's decided to grow another nose because my face is out of real estate."
Brett Vesli [09:48]:
"Could someone get a twink to suck out the poison? I'm all for that."
Brett Vesli [38:06]:
"Those guys always scraped the popcorn ceilings and their arms never got tired."
Brett Vesli [42:16]:
"We can take pictures of my ass as requested online, and we'll put them up so you guys can assess it."
This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness masterfully intertwines personal anecdotes, health concerns, and humor, creating an engaging and relatable narrative for listeners. Through Brett Vesli's unexpected predicament, the show highlights the importance of camaraderie and laughter in the face of unusual challenges, solidifying its standing as Arizona's go-to morning radio show.