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Brett Holmberg
You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.
John Holmberg
It's John Holmer here from the morning sickness for lifechangerloan.com a person I've gotten to know very well over the past 25 years messaged me the other day, said all right Homeberg, I have an appointment with Life Changer Loan because of you. I got to see what this is about. Do you have any advice? And my advice is simple. If you've got good credit and you're responsible with money, let the gang at Life Change alone talk to you about the situation. That's a better and more beneficial way of paying off my home. Most clients pay off their mortgage in around 55 years and save over $250,000. It's not magic, it's just math.
Dick Toledo
Lifechangerloan.com it sticks a little for FanDuel, America's number one sports book right now. With FanDuel you can make the smarter play with performance trends. You can get the latest stats right inside the app and see who's heating up. Get started today by visiting FanDuel.com KUPD and you'll get started with 200 in bonus bets guaranteed when you place your first five dollar bet. Make every moment more with FanDuel, official sports betting partner of the NBA 21 plus in President Arizona first online real money wager only five dollar first deposit required. Bonus issued is not withdrawal. Bo that expire seven days after receipt. Restrictions apply. See terms@sportsbook.fanduel.com, gambling problem. Call 1-800-next-step or text next step to 53342.
Brett Holmberg
We're here with Byron from MMP Guns. Byron why should someone choose to go to MMP Guns?
Byron
The choice is simple Brett. MMP Guns is your one stop shop for all your shooting needs. We offer Arizona's largest selection handguns, rifles, shotguns, new and pre owned. We also have a large selection of ammunition, accessories and even training. In fact right now all pre owned firearms are 20% off. All new firearms are 10% off. We have Ammo Inc. 9mm hollow points for only $12.99 a box and much more.
Brett Holmberg
Well it sounds like m&p gu committed to providing the customers with the best possible service and selection.
Byron
That's a fact. You can visit us at the store at northeast corner of 12th street in Indian School or online at mmpguns.com.
John Holmberg
You'Ve been deceived by an agent of Satan himself.
Brett Holmberg
He's evil sitting right here.
John Holmberg
Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. I personally hate them. It's pod. Not. I don't. I like pod. Pod is fine. I talk about something else. It is. We're late. This is, again, my fault. I apologize. The word again for the man cave upgrade. If you're looking to do that, text it. 97936 is Cyborg. I'm gonna cyborg. So you're gonna enter. Brady's getting in. If Brady wins that thing, it's legit. Trust me. We don't know how to fix things. We're not smart enough to figure this computer thing out. Even Toledo struggles with it. Cyborg. Today's word. In honor of what Trump said about Joe Biden over the weekend, which is that he was killed in 2020. And what we've seen for the last four years is a robot. There's no way I'm awake. There's no way that I'm not living in a simulation. That's what we'll do. And also, we're gonna miss the Guadalupe replay this morning because I've been. I'm running late. So I. Get over here.
Brady
Leave work early today.
John Holmberg
Yeah. Leave work early today. Hi, Richard. How do people get to this archive of Guadalupe squares? And is this in it?
Unknown
The current squares are not. They're on the regular podcast.
John Holmberg
Oh, all right.
Brady
The.
Unknown
The audio vault is from stuff like 20 years ago.
John Holmberg
The one that's from the. That's in Cameroon and Djibouti. And they're going nuts.
Unknown
You search Holmberg's audio vault, the Guadalupe Squares, or just search up the Guadalupe Squares wherever you get your podcast, and it'll pop right up.
John Holmberg
No kidding. Yeah. And Djibouti. Or you can. Have you checked the numbers for Djibouti a little bit? We did, yeah. We're no longer number Djibouti. Who passed us the Food Network?
Unknown
We're never number one. We were number two. We were number two.
John Holmberg
Okay. Who's number one? Did you ever look in?
Unknown
I tried to find that out, and it wouldn't say on our platform.
John Holmberg
Djibouti Dave and the. The Fly Whippers.
Unknown
Djibouti ski mask.
John Holmberg
It's the best show in all of Djibouti. I am Djibouti, Dave.
Unknown
And I think we slipped in Cameroon as well.
John Holmberg
We're not as good in Cameroon either. What did we do?
Dick Toledo
Hot out of the gate.
John Holmberg
We need to talk to consultants. Maybe we should do some Hip videos. Brady driving around in a car listening to tunes or something. I believe we do that.
Brett Holmberg
We can stand down there.
Unknown
We have slipped.
John Holmberg
So maybe they're trying to normalize a little bit since I think it's full on scam central. That's where all your AI Owen Wilson's live.
Unknown
Or you spook the Bob's and they're.
John Holmberg
Like, he's on to us. He's on to us. We've. We purchased numbers and let's level out the Djibouti. Djibouti and Cameroon. Yeah, don't come. Shoot, don't come out. So hot Bobs, we can see through your fake purchases to add numbers to fool advertisers, which is really all this is. Boy, the bosses hate when I admit what they're doing is crooked. You go out and make us number two in Djibouti and Cameroon. Toledo looks at stuff like that. You never would have thought it. But if almost our entire listener base is a group of tribesmen, we're pretty sure you bought that.
Unknown
And it's funny, those Internet snake oil salesmen are the ones that hit you up about it too. Hey, have you seen that? You're number two and we can help you with your numbers.
John Holmberg
Why?
Unknown
And Djibouti, we're not already number two.
John Holmberg
What's that called when people buy likes and clicks?
Unknown
Just bot farming.
John Holmberg
That's it. Okay, well, we did it and we bought Farmed where there is no water.
Unknown
Yeah, well, you know, the. A certain mayor in town pioneered that years ago.
John Holmberg
You did it in a day. Yeah, I'm looking for some more people. He went from like 25 people to 10,000. All right. And they're all like Chak Pukamon, Greep Gaston. And they. None of them have English on their Facebook or their Instagram. But they're big fans of his because they just got $3 to sign up.
Unknown
And then when he would put out posts like that, hey, we're doing great, great numbers. His posts would get like four likes.
John Holmberg
Yeah, like a like and like four responses. And the one that would say, whoopee, hard rubber. Like, what's that? Like, you just responded because you get an extra buck to say something back.
Brady
The company could make additional money if it was organic bot farming. Oh, that.
John Holmberg
Very nice wooden floors. Yeah. You know that the people have been bot farmed when their responses actually include a schwa in the typing. Like they're. We don't have those on our computer keyboards. So it's getting better. But our executives thought it would be Brilliant. And they pull a fast one on the advertisers to say, look how big they are. These are their numbers. And look deeper. Make sure we're actually pulling these. But here's an advertisement for it. You can get all the old Guadalupe Squares now in the archive and then go back in time and go, that was fairly sexist. We should cancel them. Is the dumbest idea ever to give people the past, but you can do it. So this, this Guadalupe Squares is currently on the podcast one up Friday. And I like to.
Unknown
That's pulling great numbers.
John Holmberg
Is it? Yeah. Yeah. In Africa.
Dick Toledo
Locally.
Unknown
Sorry, I. I need to look deeper. I have to get into that mode.
John Holmberg
It's a good one. It's a Tracy Morgan Freeman is a solid character. It's 8:57. We got a what would Brady do? Coming up next. That's 98 Morning Sickness Medicate K U.
Dick Toledo
PD it's Dick Toledo from Holmberg's Morning Sickness for Chime, the checking account that helps you manage your money better. Wouldn't it be nice to have a checking account that helps you and not just charges you fees? No one likes being hit with an overdraft fee. And with Chime's Spot Me feature, you'll be covered for up to $200 until your next deposit. Chime will also never charge you a fee or interest when you need that Spot Me coverage. Your Chime account also gets you free cash from over 50,000 ATMs, more than the top three banks combined. So move toward a better financial future with Chime and get started today@chime.com Holmberg. You'll open your Chime checking account in two minutes. That's chime.com Homeberg Chime feels like progress. Banking services and debit card provided by the Bank Corp. NA or Stride Bank. NA member is fdic. Spot Me eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Fees apply at out of network ATMs. MyPay eligibility requirements apply. Credit limits range from $20, $500, $2 fee applies to get funds instantly. Chime Checking account required. Go to chime.com disclosures if you support.
John Holmberg
Local programming and podcasts like Holmberg's Morning Sickness, then you'll love the Big red retail page on 98kupd.com. Check out the site today for special offers from local Arizona businesses like Madera Cabinets and Spinatos. Check out all our partners on the Big red retail page@98kupd.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness all right, we're ready to go. Your last chances My friends have Pretty much expired in the next minute or two. The word is cyborg. And if you fired off 97936, you might get lucky that it's still available to you. But I'm thinking pretty much you've lost your chances at this point to qualify today. But don't worry, tomorrow there will be another chance for you to try to win that amazing man cave upgrade, which we'll give away thanks to our friends at Prestige Billiards. You got Twin Peaks on there. You got Game Day, Men's Health. You got the wise covers. They're gonna that. That floor. A guy just emailed me and said, hey, if. If my floors, I don't have enough room for all that stuff. Can I just get the floor coating if I win? Yeah, you get some. I guess you can get some.
Brett Holmberg
Send a full table to my house.
John Holmberg
Yeah, yeah, you could have people buy the stuff off of you. Or you can get a cat. I don't know how it works, but I know that you can do that. And I want that floor thing too. So my garage floor sucks, so I gotta get a new one. That's a great idea. Maybe I'll win. All right, so I'm guessing Toledo. Shut it down. So somewhere in about an hour or so, your phone is gonna ring from an unknown call, pick it up, and if it's not Toledo, just hang up on the guy. If it is Toledo, you're going to qualify and get yourself $50 gift card to Vaughn Hansen Meat and spirits out there in Mesa. And also take us to go see Breaking Benjamin. Right now, it's time for Brady to solve the world's problems. And away we go with Brady, the most moral man in all of Phoenix, solving your issues. And it's brought to you by our friends at MMP Guns Mo Money Pawn, 12th street in Indian School. If you want to head on over there. I tried to. I have to say, once again, I got a. I had a little tiny. Well, I bought a gun from them a while ago. Yeah. And it came with the clips. And then there was a little box of ammunition in there. The clips are so tight I can't get the bullets in. It's kind of sexy. Like, I'm afraid I'm going to shoot myself in the thumb trying to load this thing.
Brett Holmberg
Get the last one in.
John Holmberg
I can't get the first one in.
Brett Holmberg
What the.
John Holmberg
I know it is.
Brady
There's got to be maybe a technique.
John Holmberg
I'm rolling the thumb shooting across the room like I got bullets laying all over this place. Just think about Maybe going to Byron and saying, hey, load this up for me. Show me that. Show me the way. I get the little spring thing. It's just shooting them out. And I thought for a second, I'm like, am I putting these in backwards or something? Why? That doesn't make sense. They gotta face the right way. We're just shooting them right back out at me. I'm like, not strong enough to work this gun. So I just set up a bullseye in my backyard and I've been chucking the gun at it nice. That's pretty much all I'll do anyway. They got all there. I got it there. It was a great. It's a great one too. It's like a perfect little, you know, home defense system.
Brady
It's just get a bayonet.
John Holmberg
Think that's a good idea to put a big knife on the end of the handgun?
Brett Holmberg
This is glory now.
John Holmberg
Not a bad idea. That's not a bad idea. I think maybe you should think about coming down my hallway one more step. Unless you want to see intest played out all over my floor. Morgan Freeman's in there and he's pretty pissed off and he's got a handgun with a bayonet on it. Where to get it? MMP guns. They probably have bayonets.
Brett Holmberg
You can get one there.
John Holmberg
Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. All right, put that to the test. 20% off anybody who wants their bayonets today. It's the Byron special. You go in and get a bayonet, you get today. Only 20% off all bayonets while supplies last. Their big bayonet special is today. Handgun bayonets especially. I'll give you 100% off if you can figure out what the hell that is. MMP guns. 12th street and Indian school deals subject to change upon ownership whim. They don't have to take our deals is what I'm saying. Go over there and be nice to those guys. Get anything you want for guns and anything else. Are you ready, Brady?
Brady
Ready.
John Holmberg
Here we go. I'll start with the one Toledo just handed me, says Brady. My wife and I have been together for 10 years now. She's got a son from her previous relationship who is 22. Good kid, college, pursuing a degree, but lives with us while he's in school. This weekend I discovered something that freaked me out. My wife said casually, while we had some friends over, and he came to her and said, it's time to cut my toenails. And she said she did it and that it's been going on his whole Life. I mean, I get clipping them when he's young, but he's 22, and she's been doing this for at least 10 to 15 years too long. She got mad and said, how is it different than getting a pedicure? I said, it's just weird on 10 levels. To me, the biggest one is him being an effing adult. Please tell me I'm the one who's right and she's the one who's wrong and fix everything. Brian, he's 22, and he goes to his mom and says, clip my toenails. And she does it.
Brady
It's the mom and son having a catch. The clipping the toenails. It's sort of like saying it's time to grow up.
John Holmberg
Yeah, but if my mom used to cut hair. Did your mom cut your hair? Yeah, same. How's that different?
Brady
Not much.
Brett Holmberg
Toenails are different.
John Holmberg
Like, Ronnie does it for a living.
Brady
Yeah.
John Holmberg
So if Kirby said clip my toenails, she'd do it?
Brady
Yes.
John Holmberg
Yeah. If you said it, she'd do it? No, probably not. Gross.
Brett Holmberg
Does a dude's mom do pedicures for a living?
John Holmberg
I know.
Brett Holmberg
I mean, that's just it.
John Holmberg
Don't defend it now, Brady. I'm just saying, if your wife won't touch your feet, they're gross.
Brady
No, I've never asked for a petty from her.
John Holmberg
Not even a petty. Just trim my toenails. Oh. Yesterday, while I was doing all the boxes in the garage, I had a high noon, because I'm classy like that, and I popped myself a black cherry high noon, and I dropped it like a bad habit, and I put it down. And then I took a break from breaking boxes, and I sat on the couch for a second. I got my. I looked at my toes, and I'm like, that big toe looks like a talon. We gotta get that off. So I whipped it up into my mouth and nibbled on the side of it to get it started, and then peeled off a big chunk of big toe, put it in the can and went to that second one. Couldn't get my mouth on the second one, so I just worked it and I peeled my toenails, put them in the can, back out to do the boxes. Flip, turn, flip, flop. Done. Loaded into the jeep. Drop it off at a thing, go back to the house, walk over, see that high noon sitting on the table Like I wanted to shake it and took a sip and I just ate toenails.
Brady
What a pig.
John Holmberg
It was awful. The big one didn't get through the hole. But the little ones were right in. And I'm like, oh, I forgot. I drank my own toenails. It was horrible. The thing most people are surprised about with that story, I assume, is that, yeah, I can get my foot in my mouth.
Brady
It is impressive.
John Holmberg
It is kind of impressive. The big toe. Only, like, I used to be able to bite my hole. I. My dad would scream, stop it. I'd have my foot and just chewing on my toenails like a monkey. That was when I was a kid, though as an adult, I can still whip it up there. And I've had, you know, I got new hips. Man, did we solve that.
Brett Holmberg
The Core Institute's gonna really love that ad.
John Holmberg
Yeah.
Brett Holmberg
You can chew your own toenails after you get your hips done.
John Holmberg
Before, I couldn't even get my foot past my knee. Now shove my toe in my mouth. I could dip it in frosting and lick it off. Disgusting. If I wanted to. That would be gross.
Brady
It's an option.
John Holmberg
It's an option. I don't want to do it. If, like, it's like, balling up and be able to get it in your mouth, you do it. Your kid is weird. That is weird, though, that you would ask. Like, that does seem kind of he. Immature, I guess.
Brady
Or I guess if I'm mom, I'm going. Don't bring it.
John Holmberg
Yeah, yeah. Not in front of other people. I'll help you.
Brady
We got friends over, right?
John Holmberg
There's people. Yeah. That's the weird moment. He's. He's too comfortable with the idea that that's mom's job. The clippers, the little. That weird little machine.
Brady
The first thing I thought, that's how you do it, is. Is the kid so big where he can't reach his toenails?
John Holmberg
He's a fat boy. I mean, if that weren't my mom. So he can't even get his hands down there. How do you put on shoes? Smash them.
Brady
Shoes are a little different. You can. Yeah.
John Holmberg
You can mash a shoe on.
Brady
Yeah. And hopefully go Velcro clogs. Or just slip ons. That's why Skechers came out with those.
John Holmberg
Slip ons for fats.
Brady
For people that can't even bend over.
John Holmberg
That's not why Skechers did that for.
Brett Holmberg
The lazy pigs out there.
John Holmberg
It's not for fats.
Brady
No. It's for people that can't bend over, and that's fats.
John Holmberg
You never.
Brady
There's old people that they don't.
John Holmberg
In the commercial. In the commercial, it's all active folk. There's nobody, like, yeah, they're not gonna.
Brady
Put it on there. But we know who it's for.
John Holmberg
Like, Grandma the Clown is trying to slide into her shoes, and her walker.
Brady
Can'T sell it to the ladies.
John Holmberg
They're like Tony Romos.
Brady
All their shoes are slip ons. Pretty much. Tell her.
John Holmberg
Yeah, I don't know. I think I. Like. Brady's first idea is that Skechers built shoes for just fats. Too fat to get down there and put a shoe on. Don't worry about it. Sketches figured that out. Look here, pancake foot.
Brady
That's harder to bend over.
John Holmberg
Oh, it's not. You kill yourself if it's so hard to bend over. Shoes have become an issue. Stretch a little. Exactly. That's gonna make your life easier. So you're, of course, gonna get more limber as that goes on. Try and touch your knees and work your way down your shin until you can put shoes on like a goddamn human. We've evolved.
Brady
I can still palm the floor with your foot. My hands.
John Holmberg
What?
Brady
Touching toes.
John Holmberg
Oh, yeah.
Brett Holmberg
I was standing straight up. You can just.
Brady
I can.
John Holmberg
Yeah. Yeah.
Brady
I can still palm the floor. I start.
John Holmberg
All right.
Brady
That's the only good stretch I do.
John Holmberg
It's a weird brag.
Brady
It's not really bragging when you have 28.
John Holmberg
I can do that, too. I can get a towel. It surprised me how many people can't touch the floor.
Brady
They can get their tips to the floor, but that's about it.
John Holmberg
That's pretty awesome, Brady. Thanks for sharing.
Brady
You're welcome.
John Holmberg
It's Letter two says, well, dear Brady. Yeah, I know. Well, that's the tip I bang into. I can palm that. Barely. My husband has stopped having sex with me. He says it's just not appealing to him. And the reason why is because he walked in on me with my vibrator. What should I do, Vanessa?
Brady
Take your sketchers off.
John Holmberg
He thinks you're fat. Pretty assumes you're fat. It's not the vibrator. It's your guts. Oh, Vanessa.
Brady
He must have walked in on something that was pretty disturbing. But I. I think for me, I'd get over that.
John Holmberg
What's disturbing about your wife and a vibrator? That's just baby fit jealousy. Let her have at it. Nothing wrong with that.
Brady
Yeah, I don't know. But I'm saying, if it wasn't, like, normal, what's.
John Holmberg
Yeah, if she's doing something special, look in there and just get excited that there's a new opportunity. Right. Like, if you walk in and she's got two of them going and there's stuff pumping and it looks like a Dr. Seuss saying.
Brady
Like she, she got busted basically.
John Holmberg
Yeah. She was masturbating and she had a toy.
Brett Holmberg
There was a problem.
John Holmberg
Yeah. What's the issue?
Brady
Get over it.
Brett Holmberg
Yeah, exactly.
John Holmberg
Well, that's what that's for him. She's like, what should I do? Like, he needs to get over it. You tell him get over it. You invite him in there.
Dick Toledo
It's Dick Toledo from Holberg's Morning Sickness for Chime, the checking account that helps you manage your money better. Chime is unlike any other banking app. When you set up a qualifying direct deposit with your Chime checking account, you get access to my pay, which gives you up to 500 of your pay before or payday when times are tight. MyPay carries all the benefits of Chime, including fee free overdrafts of up to $200, no monthly or minimum balance fees, and access to over 50,000 ATMs, more than three times the top three national banks combined. Move toward a better financial future with Chime and get started today@chime.com Holmberg where you'll open a Chime checking account in just two minutes. That's Chime.com Holmberg Chime feels like progress. Banking services and debit card provided by the Bancorp NA or Stride Bank. NA member is fdic. Spot me Eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Fees apply at out of network ATMs. MyPay eligibility requirements apply. Credit limits range from 20 to $500. $2 fee applies to get funds instantly. Chime checking account required. Go to Chime.com disclosures for details. It's Dictalittle for FanDuel, America's number one sportsbook right now. With FanDuel, you can make the smarter play with performance trends. You can get the latest stats right inside the app and see who's heating up. Get started today by visiting FanDuel.com KUPD and you'll get started with $200 in bonus bets guaranteed when you place your first five do bet. Make every moment more with FanDuel, official sports betting partner of the NBA 21 plus and President Arizona first online real money wager only five dollar first deposit required. Bonus issue does not withdrawal bonus bets that expire seven days after receipt. Restrictions apply. See terms@sportsbook.fanduel.com gambling problem. Call 1-800-next-step or text next step to 53342.
Brett Holmberg
We're here with Byron from MMP Guns. Byron, why should someone choose to go to MMP Guns?
Byron
The choice is simple, Brett. MMP Guns is your one stop shop for all your shooting needs. We offer Arizona's largest selection handguns, rifles, shotguns, new and pre owned. We also have a large selection of ammunition, accessories and even training. Right now all pre owned firearms are 20% off. All new firearms are 10% off. We have Ammo Inc. 9 millimeter hollow points for only $12.99 a box and much more.
Brett Holmberg
Well, it sounds like M and P Guns is committed to providing the customers with the best possible service and selection.
Byron
That's a fact. You can visit us at the store at northeast corner of 12th street and Indian School or online at mmpguns.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness.
Brady
Unless it was, you know, she was pretty adamant saying, I don't do that. You know, there are a couple that's very.
John Holmberg
So what?
Brady
And he still goes in there and he's shocked now.
John Holmberg
The only thing it could be is it was like a gigantic vibrating like king dong. Yeah. It wasn't a vibrator. Like we're thinking it was a dildo that does all sorts of crazy stuff. And he's like, oh, I can't follow that. You've got a foot in there.
Brady
And he's like, in the dental bill.
John Holmberg
Because her teeth are chattering. Yeah, I see. Jesus. Brady doesn't like talk about this stuff.
Brady
Oh, I'm like, you walk in on it. That's all right. It's not a deal breaker. Don't worry. You're not the only one, you know, that has experienced that walk.
John Holmberg
Yeah, but he's not, he's not writing us. She is. She's the one who had was walked in on. If it's him, it's easy to tell him, get over it. Like, she's gotta go to him and say, here's we gotta fix this.
Brady
Oh gosh.
John Holmberg
This dude won't have sex with her anymore because he walked in on it. She's trying to fix that.
Brady
I think there's other reasons.
John Holmberg
You're fat twice again. Buy yourself some sketchers and start walking around the neighborhood like miles at a time.
Brady
Again. Unless they're like a, you know, there's a religious thing behind it or something. I don't know what religion says. Nobody is using that as a. Is there one he's not in.
John Holmberg
They're like Islam that says don't do that. I'm sure it's probably Islam. Oh, sure there is.
Unknown
There is.
John Holmberg
They're like, don't use sex toys.
Brady
Yeah. Or masturbate.
John Holmberg
Well, yeah, that's. That's you guys. Nobody follows that.
Brady
He's not big on. It's more cat.
John Holmberg
No, it's all of them. They're all bad on you having dirty thoughts, but everybody ignores it. That's one of the silly ones.
Brady
I think they've gotten laxed on it a little bit.
John Holmberg
You think the fact that you can't live without doing it's like taking breathing away or making sneezing a sin, you're gonna do it. So if it's religious based, he's out of his mind anyway. And what are you worried about sex for? You're not having it.
Brady
Yeah. And what. So what's happening with him?
John Holmberg
Brady's probably right though. You're probably just a little bit overweight.
Brady
Or there's just something he's not. He's.
John Holmberg
You're unattractive.
Brett Holmberg
Calling her fat.
John Holmberg
Yeah, Brady's calling her a fat.
Brady
I'm not.
John Holmberg
What else were you saying?
Brett Holmberg
Does she wear Skechers?
John Holmberg
That in the position you were in, he saw that you haven't shaved your.
Brady
Bottom sweatpants and old T shirt.
John Holmberg
Yeah, that's dumb that he saw you with your legs. He saw you with your legs open. It looked like kid and play were coming out of your ass. Yeah. Maybe shave it. Maybe clean yourself up. Do yourself a favor and use this as an opportunity. Vanessa to go do a full on Vanessa makeover down south and get that thing pristine. He saw legs. He saw something. He saw something.
Brady
He never expect me to rally, perhaps.
John Holmberg
In daylight or with the lights on. And that thing looks like a tomato cut in half. And nobody needs to see that in full like in the wild at all.
Brett Holmberg
Oh, you're selling me on his side now. Yeah, before I was kind of like, well, you know, she needs to get over it.
John Holmberg
But brush it up and go up to him and go, hey, I don't know what you saw that turned you.
Brady
Off, but maybe a doctor would be attracted to that.
John Holmberg
Right? So she. She trusted us to email and say, hey, Brady, could you help me out? And we basically said, you've got baboon.
Brett Holmberg
Maybe it looks like. Maybe it looks like she's got Oscar Gamble down there with his thr.
John Holmberg
Was there a Cleveland Indians hat pinned to that thing?
Brady
Check that out. And if that's not the case. Yeah, then tell them to get over, you know, talk about it.
John Holmberg
Did it look like Travis Scott was laying underneath her ass? Yeah. Find out what went on and then clean it up. That's your fault. There's Oscar Gamble and the best baseball card ever. Look at the busty fro on Oscar. And that's what he saw, except for it was vibrating.
Brady
Coco Crisp got that. Like, I didn't.
John Holmberg
Coco Crisp had a good one there for a little while, too. Great afros in baseball. Anyway. All right, yeah. This is your fault, Vanessa. Fix it. You wanted the answer. Brady basically said, lose a few pounds and shave it. And if it doesn't work, always good advice. Always great advice.
Brady
Shaving first and foremost.
John Holmberg
You know, Vanessa, I think the best thing is just to show that you care by getting on the treadmill. Brady's a jerk, but he can touch the floor with his palms.
Brett Holmberg
Somebody was saying maybe the turn off was her holding her stomach up to get to it.
John Holmberg
Maybe there was like a. There was like. Maybe she had a pool cue lodged into the door in the side of the room, keeping her guts off of her. Like a. Like a homeless person leaning. And the cue was barely hanging on. Sorry, Vanessa, but we picture you being the one who did something awful here. This one says, dear Brady. So this is more of a all the crew rather than Brady. I apologize if it's a bit long. Now. That's how this always works. By the way, Brady gives you the answer that Brady would do, and then we argue whether or not he was right. Yeah, but if you want what Brady would do, you're getting it. And normally it's just, hey, fat ass, get on the treadmill. We try to be more. I don't know. He probably signified.
Brady
I would say, yeah, he opened the door on him. He's like, where's the TV remote? Sure enough, there it is.
John Holmberg
He was trying to open the door. He's hitting the door. Was there a dog toy under? What's going. Oh, no, just my flabberlance of a wife is leaning up against it.
Brett Holmberg
Brady can palms down the floor. Tell him I said, sup?
John Holmberg
Yes. Sup? Katie, KB just hired.
Brett Holmberg
Izzy and Brady in the morning.
John Holmberg
So we just heard that Brady can palm the floor standing with his knees straight. So Brady in the Morning on KDKB starts tomorrow of Izzy. The Izzy report over here is like, you know who can't touch the floor with her palms? Vanessa, According to Brady. Yeah. She'd probably lose her balance and then look like the rock chasing Indiana Jones. Anyways. Says this is more of what the crew would do rather than just Brady. But always listen to Brady's advice. The rest of us are usually just talking. Why? You guys have a problem? My wife and I are in our early 30s. We've got no kids. Uh, we're kind of trying but not fully committing. If it happens, it happens kind of thing. My wife's brother is about to have a baby in three or four weeks with a woman he has no interest in being with. Both of them. Actively using fentanyl. Uh, he has totally agreed and wants us to take on the baby. The mom has no idea, but she has two other kids and no rights to them for the same reason. We know there's a lot of legal hoops to jump through. Would you agree on taking on siblings? Siblings, Baby. To avoid going into the system. There are no other siblings besides my wife. And the mom's parents will not take the baby. So it would go right into the system. What would you do? Yeesh.
Brady
The question was, would I take.
John Holmberg
Yes, you would. Yeah.
Brady
If we're trying to have a.
John Holmberg
So Tom's hooked on fentanyl. Your brother Tom, he and his wife are smoking out. She gets pregnant, and you're like. And he's like, I need you to.
Brady
Take this baby, and we want it. And at the time, we want a kid.
John Holmberg
Yeah.
Brady
I would look at that. My experience of growing up with having foster brothers.
John Holmberg
Well, there you go. Brady will take your baby. You're off the hook. Excellent. Brady said, I will take the baby.
Brady
Don't take more kids.
John Holmberg
Huh? You don't want kids?
Brady
Yeah, we're good.
John Holmberg
So you would not take this baby?
Brady
Well, no, I would if I was. Because he and his wife are trying to have another.
John Holmberg
Well, they're sort of, kind of. If it happens.
Brady
If it happens. Happens.
John Holmberg
If. If you were in your current situation.
Brady
I would rather do that. If it was my brother's kids, I would take it. Even if I didn't want kids. My brother was in that situation.
John Holmberg
I don't think I could do it.
Brett Holmberg
I'm not taking cracky.
John Holmberg
I think I could. Yeah. That's the biggest reason why.
Brady
Only if it's a boy.
John Holmberg
I think I could take. Oh, yeah.
Brett Holmberg
Dominican, maybe, but that's about it.
John Holmberg
Yeah. Next thing you know, 13 years from now, you're walking in on Vanessa Jr, the elephant with a vibrator. Now you got to see that Fentanyl baby with a vibrator.
Brady
The good mix, though. I've got a girl. Boy and a girl.
John Holmberg
You'd like a boy?
Brady
Yeah.
John Holmberg
Yeah, That's. I. I would take one. If it was, like, 13, and then they fell into drugs and stuff and they were going to lose the baby to the state, I would step in and take that one. But I don't think I'd take a fentanyl baby that's brewing and they're still actively doing it. Those are the ones that I. I watched too much ID network and all those crack babies try to kill me.
Brady
Everybody.
John Holmberg
Yeah. I know. And I warn them all the time.
Brady
Kids seem to be.
John Holmberg
Wow. They're still young. Yeah. Get into their teen years and some of that heroin baby brain. They start wanting to burn the house down and stuff.
Brady
Is it true with fentanyl?
John Holmberg
I don't know. Not. I'm not willing to find out.
Brady
I don't know how much.
John Holmberg
I don't know how many fentanyl babies there are.
Brady
The heroin.
John Holmberg
Not a lot of research on the fentanyl babies because they're. They haven't grown up yet. But my guess is I would. It's gonna be a healthy percentage that's trying to kill people. And I'm out on that.
Brady
I would feel I want to step in on that.
John Holmberg
Brady would take your baby. You say no?
Brett Holmberg
Absolutely not.
Brady
Well, that's easy.
John Holmberg
I know. Yeah. I wouldn't either.
Brady
I mean I wouldn't think you guys would.
John Holmberg
No crack babies. Yeah.
Brady
Just any baby.
John Holmberg
I'd take a normal baby.
Unknown
You would?
John Holmberg
Yeah. If two really wealthy people were like too wealthy.
Brady
But this situation would be if my sister got her.
John Holmberg
No, my sister's too old. That's definitely going to be an R word.
Brady
Well.
John Holmberg
I don't have the patience.
Brady
So again, no.
John Holmberg
Oh, yeah. Oh, it has to be perfect. I don't want a flawed child comes out with a hangnail. It's going to the state. I'm putting it right.
Brady
That'll be turned back in in a week. You're like having a fostering a dog.
John Holmberg
A week. I'd be putting that thing give up on your kid the second I look at it. Oh, something's wrong with this. It's not mine.
Brady
I'm saying if you take it.
John Holmberg
No, I'm not. That's what I'm telling you. It's got to be a perfect baby. If it isn't perfect, look like me. If it looks like my sister. I'm like, no way. Going right to the fire department drawer. This becomes Captain Johnson's problem, not me. And my sister's not on drugs. But she's way too old to be having babies. So she'd have one of those miracle babies. That thing would definitely be a potato. It would have like breathing table. Huh?
Brett Holmberg
You Toledo dad it.
John Holmberg
Oh, I'd mail it to Toledo's dad just to see what he'd do, how fast he could get rid of it. He'd David Blaine that thing gone. Yeah. All right, we gotta go. And much like Toledo's dad said time, we gotta go. There you go. That's what Brady did. And if you've got a fentanyl baby on the brink, Brady is available at bbogan@98kup. I don't think he could say no. I think if you offered him your fentanyl baby, Brady would definitely like. Dang it.
Brady
Watch me.
John Holmberg
All right. Okay. Test accepted. Challenge accepted. I'm going to find a fentanyl baby, and these people don't want it anymore.
Unknown
Brady, I think your decision is like 50. 50.
Dick Toledo
You.
Unknown
You want the story number one for sure. And number two, you want the. You want the boy?
John Holmberg
Brady'd get a picture of me holding the baby by the toe over a city of Phoenix blue dumpster. It's yours or it's gone. Ah, bring me that thing. You'd have a house load of them. That's why you don't hang out with crackheads. They end up making you take care of their kids and stuff. There you go. Brady will take your baby. It's 98 KUPD.
Dick Toledo
It's not weird.
Unknown
It's pretty cool, actually.
John Holmberg
No membership fees. I have heard enough of this.
Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona
Episode Summary: June 2, 2025 - "WWBD"
Holmberg's Morning Sickness (HMS), Arizona's premier morning radio show hosted by John Holmberg, delivers another uproarious episode on June 2, 2025. Titled "WWBD - His Wife Still Clips 22yo Son's Toenails - Her Husband Won't Have Sex w/Her After He Walked In On Her Using A Vibrator," this episode navigates through bizarre family dynamics, relationship dilemmas, and humorous banter among the hosts. Accompanied by co-hosts Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo, John Holmberg ensures listeners are both entertained and provoked to thought.
The episode kicks off with Brett Holmberg introducing sponsors, including MMP Guns, highlighting their extensive selection and current discounts: “All pre-owned firearms are 20% off. All new firearms are 10% off” ([01:11]). Dick Toledo promotes FanDuel with enticing bonuses for new bettors, ensuring listeners are aware of the latest promotions without delving into the content yet.
A central theme revolves around the discomfort and awkwardness of a 22-year-old son still having his toenails clipped by his mother. John Holmberg shares a personal anecdote illustrating the tension between independence and familial care:
John Holmberg [13:02]: “Brian, he's 22, and he goes to his mom and says, clip my toenails. And she does it.”
Brett and Brady engage in a humorous debate about the appropriateness of such behavior, with Brady likening the situation to basic grooming tasks:
Brady Bogen [13:09]: “It's the mom and son having a catch. The clipping the toenails. It's sort of like saying it's time to grow up.”
They explore the blurred lines between parental care and respecting an adult child's autonomy, amplifying the discussion with witty exchanges about pedicures and personal hygiene.
The episode transitions to a more delicate issue involving a listener, Vanessa, whose husband refuses intimacy after discovering her with a vibrator. John Holmberg narrates the situation with his characteristic candor:
John Holmberg [18:16]: “What's disturbing about your wife and a vibrator? That's just baby fit jealousy. Let her have at it. Nothing wrong with that.”
Brady offers blunt advice, suggesting that personal appearance and fitness might be underlying factors:
Brady Bogen [23:13]: “I'm not.”
The hosts humorously but pointedly critique the dynamics of trust and communication in relationships, emphasizing practical yet unorthodox solutions like personal fitness improvements:
John Holmberg [25:05]: “Fix it. You wanted the answer. Brady basically said, lose a few pounds and shave it.”
Their lively banter underscores the complexities of modern relationships with a mix of humor and straightforwardness, making listeners both laugh and reflect on similar personal experiences.
In another segment, a listener seeks advice on handling the impending arrival of a sibling’s baby amidst a family battling fentanyl addiction. John Holmberg presents the dilemma:
John Holmberg [29:15]: “My wife's brother is about to have a baby in three or four weeks with a woman he has no interest in being with. Both of them are actively using fentanyl.”
Brady steps in with empathetic yet realistic counsel, advocating for responsibility while acknowledging personal limits:
Brady Bogen [29:16]: “I would take the baby.”
However, as the conversation progresses, Brady expresses reluctance toward adopting a child from such a troubled background, blending humor with genuine concern:
Brady Bogen [31:08]: “You'd like a boy? Yeah, I'd take one.”
John reinforces Brady’s stance while adding his own humorous skepticism about the feasibility and future challenges:
John Holmberg [32:00]: “If you were in your current situation... I don’t think I'd take it.”
Their dialogue encapsulates the tension between familial obligation and personal capability, all delivered with HMS’s signature comedic flair.
Throughout the episode, the hosts engage in playful ribbing and offbeat humor that defines Holmberg's Morning Sickness. From joking about Sarcastic product placements like Skechers for "fats" and bayonets on handguns to light-hearted taunts about each other's personal quirks, the camaraderie remains a highlight:
John Holmberg [11:06]: “Not a bad idea. I think maybe you should think about coming down my hallway one more step.”
Brady Bogen [17:08]: “Don’t worry about it. Sketchers figured that out. Look here, pancake foot.”
These interactions create an engaging and relatable atmosphere, making listeners feel like part of an inside joke-filled conversation among friends.
As the episode wraps up, the hosts remind listeners of ongoing promotions and future episodes. Brett Holmberg promotes the Big Red Retail page on 98KUPD.com, showcasing special offers from local Arizona businesses, reinforcing the community-centric ethos of HMS.
In a final humorous exchange, John Holmberg teases about Brady's superhuman abilities, leaving listeners with a chuckle:
John Holmberg [33:22]: “Watch me.”
The episode concludes with a blend of humor, heartfelt advice, and light-hearted banter, staying true to HMS's mission to entertain, question, and sometimes disturb its audience in the most amusing ways.
Notable Quotes:
John Holmberg [13:02]: “Brian, he's 22, and he goes to his mom and says, clip my toenails. And she does it.”
Brady Bogen [23:13]: “I'm not.”
John Holmberg [25:05]: “Fix it. You wanted the answer. Brady basically said, lose a few pounds and shave it.”
Brady Bogen [29:16]: “I would take the baby.”
John Holmberg [32:00]: “If you were in your current situation... I don’t think I'd take it.”
Holmberg's Morning Sickness continues to deliver its unique blend of humor and candid discussions, making it a staple for Arizona's morning listeners seeking both laughs and relatable content. This episode, with its eclectic mix of family stories and relationship dilemmas, exemplifies the show's ability to tackle unconventional topics with wit and insight.