06-03-25 - Vanessa Sent In A Followup To Yesterday's WWBD Issue w/Her BF Leading To A Masturbation And Cleanup Discussion - Tamale Defenders Hit John Again

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode: 06-03-25 Release Date: June 3, 2025

Summary

In the June 3, 2025 episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness on Arizona's #1 Morning Radio Show, host John Holmberg, alongside co-hosts Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo, delves into a mix of humorous banter, listener interactions, and topical discussions. The episode primarily focuses on a listener-submitted dilemma involving marital sexual issues, interspersed with satirical takes on cultural norms and gift-giving practices.

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Listener Email: Vanessa's Relationship Woes

The centerpiece of the episode is a listener email from Vanessa, who describes a troubling incident where her boyfriend walked in on her masturbating with a vibrator. This revelation has led to sexual dissatisfaction and tension in their relationship. The hosts engage in a candid and comedic discussion about Vanessa's predicament, primarily critiquing the boyfriend's insecurity and lack of understanding.

• Bret Vesely addresses Vanessa's situation with blunt honesty:

  "Vanessa, you just go about your business. You've got the ultimate weapon. Go over there, let him have at your ass, and he'll be over it because there's no... You don't need a vibrator for that thing." ([06:29])

• Shane Orlando adds a pragmatic approach, emphasizing communication:

  "I think the most important thing for her is make sure you include him on that. More sex." ([10:07])

• Brett continues the humorous narrative, mocking the boyfriend's inability to handle Vanessa's use of a vibrator:

  "That's what we do all the time." ([09:01])

The hosts collectively suggest that Vanessa should embrace her sexuality without feeling guilty, subtly encouraging her to overcome the boyfriend's insecurities by prioritizing her own pleasure.

Satire on Gift-Giving: The Tamale Conundrum

A significant portion of the episode humorously critiques the tradition of giving tamales as gifts, portraying them as inadequate and symbolizing poor effort in gift-giving.

• Bret launches into a satirical rant:

  "Tamales are great. No, they're not my tamales. Stop it." ([03:31])

• Bret further mocks the practice:

  "It's a cheap gift and you're getting away with murder. [...] You've been giving Them to them too. Mexicans are mandia. Your six cent presents suck. Here, I slaved for hours for you. Here's 27 cents worth of food. Like that's not a present to anybody." ([03:32] - [04:00])

The discussion highlights the superficial nature of certain gift-giving traditions, using tamales as a metaphor for any gift perceived as lacking genuine effort or value.

Men's Use of Sexual Aids: A Comedic Exploration

The hosts transition into a comedic examination of men's use of sexual aids, specifically Fleshlights, emphasizing the awkwardness and maintenance involved.

• Bret shares his humorous experiences:

  "It's the saddest moment in a man's life. Toys for men are pathetic. Chicks can keep it in their purse." ([16:36] - [17:04])

• Shane offers a practical solution:

  "They can top rack it in the dishwasher." ([17:04])

This segment blends humor with candid discussions about masculinity and the stigmas surrounding male sexual aids, ultimately portraying them as both comical and relatable.

Music Talk: Wake Up Song and Classic Hits

Towards the latter part of the episode, the hosts shift focus to music, discussing the "Wake Up Song" playlist and expressing their opinions on various tracks.

• Bret and John debate the merits of songs like "Mr. Roboto" by Styx and "Full of Regret" by Danko Jones:

  "Mr. Roboto is one of the worst hit songs in history." ([33:00])

  "It's your wake up song. It's 98. It's not weird. It's pretty cool actually." ([34:15])

This lighthearted banter showcases the hosts' diverse musical tastes and their ability to engage in spirited discussions about classic and contemporary tracks.

Community and Business Spotlights

Interspersed with the main discussions are brief segments highlighting local Arizona businesses and services, such as Orlando Auto Body and Action Ride Shop. These segments, though brief, underline the show's commitment to supporting and promoting local enterprises within the community.

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Notable Quotes:

1. Bret Vesely on Vanessa's Situation:

   "You're allowed to have pleasure in your life without him, and you've got to do something." ([10:07])

2. Bret on Tamales as Gifts:

   "Here's 27 cents worth of food. Like that's not a present to anybody." ([03:48])

3. Discussion on Men's Sexual Aids:

   "It's the saddest moment in a man's life. Toys for men are pathetic." ([16:36])

4. Music Debate on "Mr. Roboto":

   "It was critically destroyed and should be. And it kind of wrecked the band." ([33:00])

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Conclusion

This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness masterfully blends humor, candid discussions, and community engagement to address listener concerns and cultural topics. Through sharp wit and relatable scenarios, the hosts offer both entertainment and subtle advice, maintaining a balance that resonates with their Arizona audience. Whether tackling relationship dilemmas or poking fun at everyday traditions, John Holmberg and his team deliver an engaging and memorable morning show experience.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by mmpguns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[Dick Toledo]

From Monument Valley to Sedona, Horseshoe Bend, Grand Canyon and more. You might think you've seen all Arizona has to offer. Well, I'd tell you if you haven't been fishing in Arizona, you haven't seen a thing. It's Dick Toledo from Homework's morning Sickness. And my first time fishing in Arizona was up in Greer with my friend Jeremy. He was the pro that I'm definitely not. But grabbing a fishing license that weekend was the passport that opened up the whole state to me. And, and you can get your [e-mail] and discover for yourself a whole new way to take in the Arizona sites.

[Brett]

Hey everybody, it's John Holmberg from the Morning Sickness talking to Shane Orlando from Orlando Auto Body. Now, Shane, I take great pride in saying I stand with someone when I tell a listener to go to their shop. I know why. You tell me what's different for a KUPD listener to go to Orlando Auto Body than anywhere else? Well, first of all, we've been in the valley here for over 34 years. We do a quality job. We work for you, not the insurance companies. So we can work together to make sure your listeners are getting the customer service they deserve. If your car's been wrecked and you need that thing fixed the right way, get on over there now. Orlandoautobody.com It's Brett and John for Action.

[John Holmberg]

Ride Shop in their brand new location on the northwest corner of power Road and McDowell in Mesa.

[Brett]

The new location is your East Valley Full Line bike Shop with brands like Pivot Ibis, Santa Cruz and Rocky Mountain Giant Norco. And of course, Action Ride Shop has the best wrenches in town to keep that bike on the trail or the road. Plus, being so close to the Hawes trailhead, they have a huge rental fleet with gravel bikes, mountain bikes and E bikes.

[John Holmberg]

Action Ride Shop now with two locations, the brand new Shop of Power and McDowell and the OG on Gilbert Road in Southern. Check them out at actionridesop.com.

[Brett]

Sickness, you've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself.

[John Holmberg]

He's evil sitting right here.

[Brett]

Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. Miles to nowhere. Excellent work, Katie and the Hob starting off yet another glorious day here. Six months in to their reign as champions of Palladio last year and just five short months away from crowning A new one. I know. We're. We're seven months from giving them the position of writing our theme song and only five from replacing them. This year's cooking. We're cooking, man. People are. Are with me on this story about Jose Rodriguez San Miguel. There's just something not there. Most guys will tell you that if our wieners are out, the last thing we're thinking about is taking you on a date. Date's over. Like, oh, yeah, please. We're at that. And so the. You know. And what if you have that feeling after that so many men understand. And I think women, too, of. I gotta get out of here. When you're done, the last thing you want to do is commit to a meal. Just doesn't add up. Justin Scudella might have something. This is the funniest thing I've read and will read today. I'm pretty sure. Says he asked her to dinner. That lady found out he was gonna probably take her out for tamales and said, nah, just hurry up with the rape. I agree. Just assault me, batter me around the face and head with that thing. I'd rather do that than eat tamales. Stop it already. The emails as your little weird fingers pound out your thick salsa, covered fingers. Pound out. Tamales are great. No, they're not my tamales. Stop it.

[John Holmberg]

You never had mine.

[Brett]

I'm supposed to go. I'm hanging out with Jose Misa, our buddy, and I have his wife makes tamales every Christmas because they're in on the Mexican scam. You people have been snowing us for years. And it's because we're white. We don't say anything. I'm the only white guy saying it. It's a cheap gift and you're getting away with murder.

[Shane Orlando]

It's emergency food.

[Brett]

It is absolutely holocaust, you know, end of the earth. Kind of like it's. It's punishment food.

[John Holmberg]

Jim Baker queso type of food or that's, like, delicious.

[Brett]

This is food for your prisoners. This is, like, what you give the bad guys. Like, if I was in, like, trapped in a sandpaper box for 18 months and, like, all they fed me was tamale matzo, I'm like, oh, poor bastard. Stop smashing out that. That's good food again. If it's so good, I'll invest in it. Let's get arrested through tomorrow. Molly's only. And you'll be out of business in two weeks. Nobody wants them. But white people are. I'm speaking for all of us. And look, and blacks as well. You've been giving Them to them too. Mexicans are mondia. Your six cent presents suck. Here, I slaved for hours for you. Here's 27 cents worth of food. Like that's not a present to anybody. Yeah, this one says if I'm that. This is from Dana Morris. Yeah, I'm using your name. Dana. It's a girl. If I'm her and I see a sexual assault coming my way and I'm in that bathroom, I'm doing some back to frontin as a deterrent class with a capital X.

[John Holmberg]

She wants to fit right in with those Tucson people, so.

[Brett]

Oh, yeah, he's from Tucson. He'll appreciate that they do that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's an invite, actually, for him.

[Brett]

If she's not puffed up proper. Yeah, UTIs. And like, she's gotta look like a Tucson woman. Looks like a baboon presenting. It's always swollen and red and a little bit off. Cranston suggests maybe she was just in the bathroom clearing out the pipelines for some fun and. Yeah, that's it. It was. I'll do it, but I've got to take a huge dump first. Okay. I'm from Tucson. That's. Okay.

[Shane Orlando]

Scroll through some pictures first. And then.

[Brett]

Disgusting. Just gross. Anyway. Gross. I need to know where the bathroom is, and I'm getting a lot of people emailing me. So that bathroom is like, I don't. This is crazy. There's extra bathrooms. I remember yesterday. And what would Brady do? Vanessa, she was masturbating and her husband walked in, and then he hasn't had sex with her since, and he's mad at her for it. She's like, what do I do? And Brady said, lose weight. She's probably fat. And he saw it. That's enough of that. We didn't do that. Brett and I used decorum.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it was.

[Brett]

What would Brady do? So he's like, hit the treadmill chunks. Lot of nerve on this guy. She emailed back, says, you guys surely don't disappoint. And I wasn't masturbating to an ex, Brett. And no, Brady, I'm not so fat that walking in on me destroys a man's appetite for sexual. And John, you weren't any better by saying, I haven't shaved down there and I had, I quote, travis Scott's hair in my ass. Is that what we say? Classy show I listened to. Anyway, it says he walked in on me and I was pleasuring myself with a purple vibrator, small. And no, he's not religious like you said. He just doesn't like the tool that he says, quote, replaces him. He didn't know I owned one. I was just trying to hurry it along. I didn't know he was there. He's been weird and won't touch me since. He just says, I'm not going to compete with your battery operated boyfriend. Bob. He's always hated them. In fairness. He's told me his past girlfriend couldn't achieve orgasm with just him, and he felt it was emasculated. So he's emasculating. So he hates them. I was asking you idiots how I fix it. And by the way, I'm five seven, about 153. So it isn't size or hygiene. Try again. Vanessa, five seven, one five three. That's girl weight. That means she's about 166.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. You got to add 10, 15 radio weight, girls.

[Brett]

Well, anybody who tells you they're 153 and you'll never see them, she's 160 something. That's a little big. So you got a little size, but not enough to good.

[Shane Orlando]

Middleweight championship.

[Brett]

Yeah. You're out there, you're fighting Canelo. You get. You're making weight. Yeah. You and Saul Alvarez are gonna hop in the ring together. Nobody's gonna say it's unfair. He's about 5 8. You're evenly matched in a good fight with the champ. Hold cinnamon.

[Shane Orlando]

But a couple of things.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah.

[Brett]

You're not so fat that it's, like, disturbing to walk in. Right. You're a little thick, though.

[Shane Orlando]

Yeah. But I think the fact that she knew he does not like this thing.

[Brett]

Well, she.

[Shane Orlando]

Yeah, but you know what that's so like. It is to a degree that you're putting it on yourself, but all sudden. If you knew that, I wouldn't, you know.

[Brett]

But stop being a baby. If she still has orgasms for you, who cares?

[Shane Orlando]

I think where he's rattled, then he's maybe figuring, oh, she's not having orgasms.

[Brett]

Then you're an insecure brain.

[Shane Orlando]

Then you need to talk about it.

[John Holmberg]

Vanessa, he needs to quit being a pussy.

[Brett]

Yeah. This is not on her. She's five seven and a little bit thick. Not disturbingly bad. You could drop a few. We all could. Vanessa, it's okay. But, yeah, she's allowed to have pleasure in her life without him, and she's got to do something. And what? I mean, her hand would be just the same as the thing if it's giving her pleasure and he's not. And that's what's bothering him. And if she's still having sex with you and enjoying it, what do you care what she does when you're not there? Like, you know, if she's got a tool that helps her get through it and expedites the process a little faster, that's great. And then the more she has them, the more she will have them. It doesn't make it less like, the more in touch with her body she is. And I'm talking to him. He's not even there. Vanessa's the one. So, Vanessa, you just. You know what? Go about your business. I'd break that thing out in front of him over and over and over again until he either gets over it or throws a baby. That's a tantrum. That's a mantrum. Big baby. Oh, I don't like those things. All right, well, get over it. It's. That's what women use.

[Shane Orlando]

I'd say the most important thing for her is make sure you include him on that. More sex.

[Brett]

Well, he won't do it. Oh, yeah. But yeah. Oh, you know what? You know what? Answer.

[Shane Orlando]

Yeah, because she could be doing that when he's like, I'm in the house. I'm ready to go. And I know sometimes you. You don't want that person or whatever.

[Brett]

Please. Bottom line is, Vanessa, you've got the ultimate weapon. Go over there, let him have at your ass, and he'll be over it because there's no. You don't need a vibrator for that thing.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. He seems pretty. He's uptight. I don't think he would do that either.

[Brett]

Maybe if he turns that down, he's. Then you've just got a bigger problem. Oh, yeah, I don't go up and go. I just. I'm sorry. I want to try something new and, you know, Metamucil the day before. You should know the rules. I shouldn't have to teach you. Clean that thing, you know, make it spotless and then throw some oil all over it and then go over to him and go, I'm sorry. I feel really bad and I want to try something with you. And then give him that. Give him the other thing, and then he'll be fine again. If he's not. If he's like, no, you have a battery operated boyfriend. You are dating a nine year old.

[Shane Orlando]

Yeah. Move up.

[Brett]

Yeah, just. Yeah, just skip thinking about it. But thank you for doubling down on and that's what Nick says. You're telling me this guy never does it himself? It's not a replacement of her. I guarantee you he does. I don't use like toys. So you're still doing it. He's a baby. You're with a baby. Morning sickness medicate Kupd It's Dick Toledo.

[Dick Toledo]

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[John Holmberg]

Hey Byron, I heard you have something new to announce from MMP Guns.

[Byron]

Brett I sure do. It's MMP Guns Customs MMP Guns is creating some. We offer polishing, plating, bluing, custom laser engraving, laser stippling, cerakoting and performance upgrades. We do everything in house with our master trained craftsman. You can select our designs or make up your own.

[John Holmberg]

Well, can you do this to my gun?

[Byron]

We can do it to nearly any firearm. Doesn't matter where you live, you can ship it to us or we already have completed firearms in inventory daily with no wait.

[John Holmberg]

Well, there you have it. MMP Guns on the northeast corner of 12th street and Indian School or online at mmpgunscustoms.com It's John Holmberg here and.

[Brett]

It'S time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of My Home Group and Doug Hopkins dot com. He knows this market up and down and his message is simple and straightforward. He wants to buy your house for cash as is. No repairs or upgrades and a firm final offer with no chance of canceling if he moves it at all. You get $5,000. So while the other guys come and go, Doug Hopkins is here to stay. Sell your home right now and start the entire process online@doug hopkins.com or sing Holmberg's morning sickness. My cop friend says. Yep. She's quoting her driver's license weight. I think most cops look at the weight on the driver's license. That's why they ask for your driver's license. They don't care about who you are. I just want to see your weight.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, let me see your driver's license.

[Brett]

142. Here you go. Let me put this back in your hoof.

[John Holmberg]

What's the other leg way?

[Brett]

Can you clamp this with your cloven hoof? Because you're £143. My ass.

[Shane Orlando]

When's the new license due? Oh, that's why it's coming up 32.

[Brett]

Years ago, you were 143. Not anymore. Yeah, 153. Add 10 at least. From a woman to telling you over the radio she's 153. Nobody ever. No woman ever tells you her real weight anyway. Especially if she's not in. Like, if it's just on the honor system. Lies.

[John Holmberg]

Our cop Batman agrees with the. With the cop weight thing.

[Brett]

Yeah. Yeah. It's your driver's license plate, and you lied about that, too. And, oh, my goodness, dudes, it's mostly on guys. I had a friend a long time ago named Marshall who, if a girl ever used the vibrator, I break up with her. Like, why? Because if. If I'm not enough, and I'm like, dude, get over yourself. You're not. You're not enough. Compared to that, you. You're not enough. Why deprive her from, like, cool stuff? So this thing buzzes and goes nuts. That's fantastic. If you as. Are you kidding? As a dude, if we had some sort of a machine that was, like, super awesome and gave us a different experience, and it buzzed and it vibrated and it don't. We'd use it in a second. Dude, contraptions are gross because we make them filthy. And then you gotta wash them, and that's embarrassing. I just think you gotta stuff it in there, and it starts going. And then you're like, I'm gone. And then you're in the bathroom with a dish towel, like, ah, what have I done? I'm a pig. Tricks just. And they put their clothes back on, and the day's okay. You don't have to go mop up. We got stuff all over the place and nooks and crannies we got to turn that weird rubber thing inside out. It's not normal. We sell those mouths. Have you ever tried one of those?

[John Holmberg]

I haven't tried one, but I've seen them.

[Brett]

It's pretty awesome. But it is pathetically sad when you're done, when you. And you look at it and you're like, jesus Christ, what have I become? You're not proud. There's no pride.

[John Holmberg]

Can you hose it out? Or how do you clean the dishwasher?

[Brett]

You go in the bathroom, you open the weird mouth, and you fill it with water, and you dump it out a few times. And you put some dish soap in there.

[Shane Orlando]

Warm water and soap.

[Brett]

It's so sad to have just a detached mouth. And it's got lipstick on. Not like you didn't put it there. It's, like, fake sometimes. I bet you did. But I didn't. And you use it. It's hilarious. And then. And then you've got to go stretch this inanimate mouth out. Wash yourself out of there. It's. It's the saddest moment in a man's life. Toys for men are pathetic. Chicks can keep it in their purse.

[Shane Orlando]

They can top rack it in the dishwasher.

[Brett]

Yeah. Some girls keep their little magic rabbits in their purse. You imagine if we were walking around.

[John Holmberg]

With big old pair of lips. It's like you got Mick Jagger in your back pocket or something.

[Brett]

Lips attached to some sort of esophageal tube. Because that's what's there in your fanny pack. It's always flesh colored. Yeah, you just got. Oh, that's my. I'm looking for a couple bucks and some change here. But that's my.

[Shane Orlando]

Get this out of the way.

[Brett]

Sometimes at work I get a little bored. But, yeah, there's nothing worse than a man toy. You gotta go clean up. I've tried all that. I think they're hilarious. The one that was just a butt. It was awesome. Felt like a real butt, but it didn't have an upper body attached or legs. It was just a butt. And girl parts was kind of raised up. I couldn't bring myself to that. I gave it to my buddy Garrett. He took it.

[John Holmberg]

Secondhand toy.

[Brett]

No, I didn't get. It was still in the box, so to speak.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. All right.

[Brett]

Yeah. I looked at him, I took it out and I spanked it. And I grabbed. Like, this feels like Livy done. And I'm giving it. I'm like, this is amazing. But then thank God for my brain, because I didn't just jump Right in. I thought, well, what happens when you're done here? I gotta go get a hose. This is too big for the sink. Either that or I gotta get in a bathtub with it, wash it out. The next thing you know, in your backyard, putting a garden hose in a. Essentially a quartered woman. I've got some of Lacy Peterson in my house.

[John Holmberg]

Got the Ryobi power washer out there in the driveway.

[Brett]

Nice day, huh, Bob? What is that? It's an ass. It's a detached human ass. Has it got a vagina? Sure does. No legs, no upper body. Doesn't talk. Yeah. Did you name it? Stephanie. All right. Nice work. How about that? He's got a new wife. But it's gross. The cleanup is gross. Girls are just buzz done. They're lucky. Totally. But Vanessa, you don't. You shouldn't feel bad even in the slightest about that. Not even a little bit. And then you got to wash that mouth out with Lifebuoy. It's like. It's like a Christmas story, Brady. You should have to try that just to feel the shame. Just give yourself a detached mouth hug from Fascinations or Castle or whatever. And then in the end, it is such a painfully. You'll laugh because I've talked to you about it. Like to people who don't have access to this show, telling you the pitfalls of things and you find out on your own, at least you would know going in. Oh, this is what John was talking about. If you do this on your own, like I had to do. No one told me the sadness of that strange naked walk over to wherever the bathroom or the sink is with holding that mouth that is now just defiled. And you gotta clean it. Or worse still, just put it back. Oh, yeah. And it's crusty for next time. And there's gonna be a next time. As much as you swear it off. This is disgusting. I'll never do this again. Like that two days later, you're like, where's that mouth at?

[John Holmberg]

You got to fill it with soap and water and shake it like a martini or something or what?

[Brett]

I tried that. But the mouth is not sealed. So it just like you basically are. You know, you're going to get. When the mouth opens it and then it barfs out all that. It's not.

[Shane Orlando]

It takes his water pick in there.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yes.

[Brett]

That's actually a good idea. But it's still. That stuff is not. You got to get in there, clean it. I turned her mouth inside out. I found a way to go and turn it around, and then you can kind of scrub it that way. It's not easy. It's gross.

[John Holmberg]

Donnie says having to clean the Fleshlight after is the only reason women haven't been replaced.

[Brett]

It's so true. Cleaning out. I couldn't use a flashlight because it's too utilitarian. It's got too many uses. Like, if I'm in the middle of Fleshlight and I'm like, what was that? And I turned the light on. Is it an intruder? Like, I don't. I can't. I can't have it. Be a Swiss Army Robbers, where are you? It can't be a Swiss Army. You know, it's got to be a one use only. The one that I saw that was cool was just a pair of lips and two small flesh boobs, like, attached to the lips. I'm like, this isn't even anatomically possible. And there it is. Hilarious. But it is what it is. Vanessa, you're fine. You need to go. You know what you need to do? And some guys need to hear this. You need to have the sit down and just go. You're being a humongous. A huge baby. And I'm allowed to do. I am a human woman who has needs and whatever, and sometimes I don't want to be with another person. I want to just hurry along. I don't want to have to worry about you. And what. That's what we do all the time.

[John Holmberg]

Gotta knock it out quick.

[Brett]

Like I've always said, no man is ever really concerned about when you come home because he can't wait to see you. He just needs a timeline. When? Where are you, honey? I'm out at the store. What's going on? Just see when you were coming home. Oh, click. I got 18 minutes. That's it. We've never once called to find out when you're really coming home. We're either hungry or we've got some free time and we're going to use it our way. No, ladies never fall for that. Where are you? I was just gonna feed the fish. I'll be home in 20 minutes.

[Shane Orlando]

Okay. Pick up some fish food on the way home.

[Brett]

Oh, yeah, do that at five. And if they say, oh, seven or eight minutes, oh, we're out of diet Dr. Pepper. Can you grab some real quick? Just give yourself an extra seven or eight minutes. That's all you need. We've never cared when you're coming home. Not one of us, ever, ever. The text.

[John Holmberg]

Where are you?

[Brett]

When are you coming back? I'm on my way home 20 minutes. Okay, perfect. I can actually make love to me.

[John Holmberg]

I can actually find a good video just to rush into the first one.

[Brett]

Light some candles, put a little bow tie on it, maybe even have a meal. But not a tamale, and I'm already sick of it. I got seven or eight of you. I got seven or eight of you already telling me the tamales gotta go.

[John Holmberg]

To the tamale store on Cave Creek. I got three of those.

[Brett]

I gotta drive to Cave Creek for tamales.

[John Holmberg]

Like Cave Creek and like Greenway or something.

[Brett]

I gotta go to Greenway for tamales. No tamales could be in our parking lot and I'd say that's disgusting. I'm not saying you can't eat them like a normal, but no one ever does. I'm saying they're not a present. That's not a gift. If I give you a bag of wheat pennies, here's 18 wheat pennies. They stopped making these in the 30s. You'd be like, that's 18 cents, you piece of. That's all you gave me.

[Dick Toledo]

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[Brett]

If you support local programming and podcasts like Holmberg's Morning Sickness, then you'll love the Big red retail page on 98kupd.com. Check out the site today for special offers from local Arizona businesses like Madera Cabinets and Spinatos Check out all our partners on the big red [e-mail] Holmberg's Morning Sickness. But it's the thought that counts. Yeah. And you thought, what's the cheapest gift I can get this guy. So that's what counts. What is it? $0.02 on average, the cost of a tamale, plus labor. And most of that's illegal, so it's like 41 cents to build a tamale. Tops. That's counting Abuelita's wage.

[John Holmberg]

I believe I'm going to Home Depot and picking up some of them dudes to make these things.

[Brett]

No way. I don't want one. If I had a group of Mexicans cooking for me and I made them make tamales, I have missed out on all the deliciousness that is Mexican food. If I had a bunch of Mexican chefs and they're like, what do you want? The last thing I'm saying is tamales. Like, I want a red sauce enchilada cheese enchiladas. I want a burrito. Stuff that thing full of beef.

[John Holmberg]

The Chris Valenzuela has never made you tamales.

[Brett]

Of course not. It was. Well, at Christmas time. Yeah. See? Loaded everybody up. And the worst part is when they hand you the tamales in a grocery bag. Like Food City or bashes or whatever. Like, here you go. Like, you didn't even take it.

[John Holmberg]

But then you know it's authentic if it's in a food City.

[Brett]

Oh, yeah, sure, it's got the real masa. But they give you that thing and you're like, okay. You couldn't take the time to put it in a box and wrap the box. It's not a present. My birthday's coming.

[Shane Orlando]

Depot bucket in the driveway. And the guy's got the dewalt.

[Brett]

He's got a mixer on the end. Merry Christmas.

[John Holmberg]

He's even mixing. Either mixing grout for the tile or tamales.

[Shane Orlando]

I spent bucket.

[Brett]

$11 on 400 presents. Garbage. Garbage. My friend disgraced Dr. Jordan says whenever. He said so.

[John Holmberg]

True.

[Brett]

Whenever you ask your wife when she's coming home, because I always drop the line. Drive safe, baby. Don't speed. Oh, you're Jordan. You're so sweet. That's right. I'm sweet. Yeah. Then you definitely candles. Maybe even have a drink before. How you doing? Oh, look who got here.

[John Holmberg]

What? Foreplay with pornhub.

[Brett]

Oh, sometimes foreplay with yourself is awesome. Anyway, tamales. And I don't want to hear from any of you guys emailing me about tamales. I'm so right about tamales. It's painful. And every time I tell this story to an authentic Mexican, they laugh like, ah, crap, he's on to us. Like, you guys know what you've been doing. And that whole workload thing. You know what nobody ever does when they buy you a good present, tell you how long it took them to shop for it? I put a lot of time and energy into this and a lot of effort. It's more than just the cost. I wandered the streets for days. Like, nobody ever says, get a good present for somebody. You don't have to explain how much work it was.

[John Holmberg]

Look, asshole, go on Amazon, you're done. Five minutes.

[Brett]

But that would cost more than 8 cents. Unless you go to TEMU and they get those three prizes for three cents. You just have to spend $400 you didn't know you were gonna spend that day. Either way, I'm onto this thing. Fine. If you like tamales, eat them up. It's not a present. My birthday's July 26th, right around the corner. And I, and I alone have that birthday. Everybody else is celebrating my birthday, even if it's theirs. I'll let you know that right away. But, yeah, if you've got. Nobody's ever brought me tamales like my, you know, landscapers. Nobody's ever said, you're gonna get them.

[John Holmberg]

Now you know that's happening.

[Brett]

Throw them back at you. And you know why? Because I can't talk abuelita into making a single batch. It's a waste of her time. She's smarter than that. She doesn't sit at that Best Western doing dentistry all day thinking that I should do tamales just for single dates. Nope.

[Shane Orlando]

They've got them in a freezer, just.

[Brett]

Like people have from Christmas last year. Yeah, gross. How many times is that a thing? That they got leftovers from last year that they give to me? I'm not. Trust me, you're wasting. I'm not eating them. Jose's wife makes them. They're okay, but thank God she adds olives, so I have an excuse to say I hate olives. We can make them without. Mike, don't go out of your way. We're good. And then I take Jose out. We'll go to dinner sometimes and we go to Mexican place. You know what he never orders. Well, he's bragging about his awesome tamales. He's never. I've never seen him eat one in public, ever.

[Shane Orlando]

Now he's forced in the quarter. He has to.

[Brett]

Yeah, we're going. We're going somewhere tonight. We're gonna go. I'm gonna take him someplace Mexican. I'm like, well, go ahead. They're so good.

[Shane Orlando]

I. I'll order for him. He'll have the tamale.

[Brett]

Yeah, I'll get for him because I know what he loves. Like, he thinks. He thinks it's a present. So it must be great. You know, it'd be awesome if he just brought over one of those hardcore chinatte plates with tinfoil over the top of it and handed me a burrito and red sauce. That's a present. That's something. So Molly's not a fan anyway. What do you got on the big board of musical treats there, Brad?

[John Holmberg]

All right. Wake Up Song brought to you by, of course, our boys over there at Action Ride Shop. Rain is done and it's time to hit the trails. And time to get those bikes serviced. Action Ride Shop. Best wrenches in town. And you know, if you're just done with that thing, you need a new bike. Well, now's the time to do it because they got the full line of pivot. Rocky Mountain, Santa Cruz, you name it, they got it. And the brand new pivots are out. So want to go down there and check them out. Action Ride Shop in two locations. The brand new one right there on power Road and McDowell right by the Haas trailhead. Or of course, the OG on Gilbert Road and Southern.

[Brett]

Had a guy yesterday, said he got his pivot stolen. Doesn't wanna cause any trouble with anybody, but he definitely wanted Brett's private number. Said, I don't have any intention of being a terrible person, but my new. And it was a switchblade. It was the new. It's pretty nice. You got one of those? Yeah, those are pretty good switchbacks. Great. Really good.

[John Holmberg]

Best all around bike for uphill downhill.

[Brett]

Yeah, I mean, you know, I would.

[John Holmberg]

Argue then the new. The new Firebirds are out too, which for downhills are ridiculous.

[Brett]

Does make a difference too, which is crazy. Oh, they're such good bikes. Get on over there and get a bike.

[John Holmberg]

We'll just pick up a new one then. Josh has gotcha.

[Brett]

Yeah, summer's here. We're almost to the point now where the trails are all mine, where all you people are about.

[John Holmberg]

Are the bees done?

[Brett]

Bees are about done. This rain screwed stuff up. Once it gets to 105, the bees go away. Okay, so. And the snakes, too. So my time to shine is starting in this weekend. Be a 107. Some stray bees, a random snake or two at dusk, but 105 when the temperatures don't drop below 100 before the sun goes down. There's no snakes, there's no bees. And I ride everywhere.

[John Holmberg]

You don't have to run around like Wahlberg and oh yeah, bees all over the place.

[Brett]

The plants aren't killing the bees. Yeah. I. I can't stand that. So I just. I've ignored it. And this is the last weekend probably before it gets really hot. So I'll be all over that.

[John Holmberg]

On the list. Megadeth. Sweet. Fox on the Run for the fox bats that are running around. As much as Tripp was bitching about the Wake up songs the other day.

[Brett]

We can't go Roboto to Fox on the Run. Yeah. Tripp came in yesterday, goes, normally I hate the Wake up song because it's stupid. But today, and we're like, yeah. Loved. Roboto was the worst one I've ever heard. And you forget you talk to an elderly radio man.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

And you realize that he was in the went through. He was in the heart of his career when Roboto was a huge hit. And he said that they did a big like press push for the Roboto show in Chicago. He saw the first one, so it scarred him. If you don't know the Mr. Roboto, they did an operatic stage show instead of a concert. Sticks did.

[Shane Orlando]

Nobody knew that Giant Killroy too.

[Brett]

Yeah. What the crazy thing is is that none of the fans knew that's what was going to happen. That there was a spoken word story.

[John Holmberg]

It was like a play, a Broadway play.

[Brett]

Yeah. And they were touring it around and no one knew what the hell was going on. And it was all about that album, Mr. Roboto. And then they'd sing a song and everybody look at each other goes, what the hell were the last 11 minutes about? That song would end and there'd be another 11 minute moment where the band's running around performing. No. It was critically destroyed and should be. And it kind of wrecked the band. And Roboto is one of the worst hit songs in the history.

[John Holmberg]

But it was stuck in your head all day long.

[Brett]

It's doing it now. Just thinking about it.

[John Holmberg]

Prince. The Bat Dance is on there full of regret for Danko Jones from the. The broad that was in the. The stall.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Power math 5000. Invade. Destroy. Repeat for Zielinski. Kill Switch. Engage Hate Breed. Rat. Iron Maiden. Creed. Static X, Corn, Ozzy. The Eagles. Get over it. For Vanessa's boyfriend.

[Brett]

Which Eagle song is that?

[John Holmberg]

That was that one that they got back together for. Oh, yeah.

[Brett]

Geez. People remembered that.

[John Holmberg]

And the Paparo.

[Brett]

Terrible. That was an awful like let's do Full of Regret by Danko all right, you brought. You just mentioned it earlier this morning. It's full of Gretchen. That's a great one. Danko Jones. Full of regret. Regret, regret. Really John? Oh, I think I'm turning Japanese I believe. I really think so. Papers might be It's Danko Jones everybody. It's your wake up song. It's 98. It's not weird. It's pretty cool actually. No membership fees. I have heard enough of this.

[Dick Toledo]

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[Mo]

It's Mo and my friends at the University of Advancing Technology has been ranked the number one best college for computer science for not one, but two years in a row. Which makes total sense because you UAT are always on the lookout for those who don't just embrace technology, they live it. From advancing computer science and robotics to cybersecurity, gaming and artificial intelligence, UAT is where innovation thrives. So if you're ready to lead the next tech revolution, visit uat.edu mo and don't just study tech. Live it.

[Brett]

It's John Holmberg here from the morning sickness and it's time to talk about turf monsters. Do you look out the window of your home and see a yard that makes you happy or a yard that makes you think? I got a lot of work to do. Turfmonstersaz.com that's where you need to go and transform all that grass you can't maintain into a glorious paradise. No more water or maintenance bills. I spend more time in my backyard now that it's turf than ever before. But that's not where they stop. Sport courts, putting greens, lighting pergolas. Your yard doesn't need to be bad at all. Mention Holmberg. Get 10% off when you go to Turf Monsters AZ.com.