06-04-25 - FULL SHOW - WEDNESDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona
Episode: Full Show – Wednesday, June 4, 2025
Host: John Holmberg
Co-hosts: Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo, Brady Bogen
Broadcasted on: 98 KUPD | Hubbard Radio

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Introduction

In this episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness, Arizona's #1 Morning Radio Show hosted by John Holmberg, the team dives into a variety of topics ranging from humorous workplace disputes to critical societal issues like homelessness and the opioid crisis. The show maintains its signature blend of entertainment, candid discussions, and provocative humor.

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Key Discussions

1. Officer Rico Blaze and Workplace Dynamics

• Timestamp: [03:04]
• Summary: The hosts engage in a comedic skit featuring Officer Rico Blaze, who narrates exaggerated tales of his policing adventures. This segment sets a humorous tone for the episode, highlighting the show's playful banter.

2. Critique of Dating Apps – "Bang Palace"

• Timestamp: [07:16]
• Summary: Dick Toledo and Bret Vesely discuss a listener-submitted review of the dating app "Bang Palace." They critique the app's portrayal of relationships, emphasizing the unrealistic and insensitive profiles, particularly those featuring individuals with disabilities.
• Notable Quote:
  • Dick Toledo: "USA Bang Palace does not work for sex. There's too many cripples." [12:39]

3. Homelessness and the "E-List" Proposal

• Timestamp: [25:06]
• Summary: The hosts delve into the severe issue of homelessness in Phoenix, proposing a controversial solution dubbed the "E-List." This plan suggests monitoring and potentially euthanizing individuals who remain homeless beyond a certain period, sparking intense debate among the hosts.
• Notable Quotes:
  • Dick Toledo: "The E list is a good idea. No one would ever get euthanized because most of these people just need a place to get it together." [36:51]
  • Bret Vesely: "USA Bang palace does not work for sex." [12:39]

4. DUI and Bike Donation Program

• Timestamp: [27:35]
• Summary: Addressing the issue of DUI offenders, the hosts propose donating old bikes to Action Ride Shop as a means to rehabilitate and engage individuals who have committed traffic offenses. This segment blends humor with discussions on rehabilitation methods.
• Notable Quote:
  • Dick Toledo: "They’re doing great raising money by donating bikes. CC you all to the devil and the floating boys competition." [Maintain neutral language due to offensive content]

5. Workplace Conflict Over Parking Spots

• Timestamp: [51:20]
• Summary: A listener named Les shares his experience of a heated confrontation with a coworker over a designated parking spot. The hosts offer satirical advice, including the controversial suggestion to "play the gay card" to defuse workplace tensions and avoid termination.
• Notable Quote:
  • Dick Toledo: "If you walk in there and there's already somebody in there that has some sort of authority or at least as a notary, you're fired." [54:46]

6. Listener Stories on Transgender Relationships and Surgeries

• Timestamp: [122:54]
• Summary: An email from a listener named Justin narrates his experience with a transgender woman, detailing the challenges and humorous mishaps following her vaginoplasty surgery. The hosts respond with a mix of humor and insensitive remarks, highlighting the show's controversial approach to sensitive topics.
• Notable Quote:
  • John Holmberg: "I always tell people, would you be mad at someone if they got great fake boobs, it's the same thing." [125:08]

7. Movie Quotes Segment

• Timestamp: [148:30]
• Summary: The hosts participate in a light-hearted segment where they recite and discuss famous movie quotes. This segment serves as a palate cleanser amidst the more intense discussions, showcasing the hosts' diverse range of interests.
• Notable Quotes:
  • John Holmberg: "You must be one of them Crenshaw." [159:25]
  • Brady Bogen: "Make him an offer he can't refuse." [160:23]

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Insights and Conclusions

Throughout the episode, Holmberg's Morning Sickness blends humor with controversial topics, often pushing the boundaries of political correctness. While the show maintains an entertaining atmosphere, some discussions, particularly those surrounding homelessness and workplace harassment, veer into insensitive and offensive territory. The hosts employ satire and exaggerated scenarios to address serious issues, which may resonate with their audience's desire for unfiltered conversations but also risk alienating listeners who find the content objectionable.

The episode underscores the show's commitment to provocative dialogue, balancing humor with critiques of societal norms. However, the approach raises questions about the line between edgy content and offensive commentary, highlighting the challenges of addressing sensitive topics in a comedic format.

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Notable Quotes with Attribution

1. Dick Toledo: "USA Bang Palace does not work for sex. There's too many cripples." [12:39]
2. Dick Toledo: "If you walk in there and there's already somebody in there that has some sort of authority or at least as a notary, you're fired." [54:46]
3. John Holmberg: "I always tell people, would you be mad at someone if they got great fake boobs, it's the same thing." [125:08]
4. John Holmberg: "Make him an offer he can't refuse." [160:23]
5. Bret Vesely: "It's not weird. It's pretty cool actually." [Repeated throughout the episode as a catchphrase]

Please note that while the show incorporates humor and satire, some remarks made by the hosts may be considered offensive or inappropriate by certain audiences.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by mmpguns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[Brett]

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[Toledo]

Holmberg here, shilling away from my friends at New Vision Auto Glass. Here we go. Summer kickoff. And that means there are going to be a lot of cars on the roads with cracked windshields. These guys handle everything from the insurance company's questions to scheduling your windshield replacement. Sometimes the same day you call and you can get up to $375 cash back. Go to new vision autoglass.com find out what you qualify for and don't forget you get dinner from Rhodesio Grill, the world famous Brazilian steakhouse. Call up 480-210-9090 new Vision Auto Glass Proud sponsor of the Arizona Diamondbacks, it's.

[John Holmberg]

Brett and John for Action Ride Shop in their brand new location on the northwest corner of power Road and McDowell in Mesa.

[Toledo]

The new location is your East Valley Full Line bike shop with brands like Pivot, Ibis, Santa Cruz and Rocky Mountain Giant Norco. And of course Action Ride Shop has the best wrenches in town to keep that bike on the trail or the road. Plus being so close to the Hawes trailhead, they have a huge rental fleet with gravel bikes, mountain bikes and E bikes.

[John Holmberg]

Action Ride Shop now with two locations, the brand new Shop of Power and McDowell and the OG on Gilbert Road in Southern. Check them out at actionrideshop.com Craving your.

[Toledo]

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[John Holmberg]

Sorry, do we legally have to say that?

[Toledo]

No, this is just how I talk. And I really love my Bombas. They do feel that good. And they do good, too. One item purchased equals one item donated. To feel good and do good, go to bombas.com wondry and use code wondry for 20% off your first purchase. That's B O M B-A-S.com wondry and use code Wondry at checkout. Do not listen to this while driving.

[John Holmberg]

Or when full alertness is needed.

[Toledo]

The rest of home birds, morning sickness. This is the Big Red radio. What? Oh, Rico Blaze is here. Officer Rico Blaze is here, everybody. Should we let him in? Do we have a choice?

[Brett]

Depends on what he's knocking with.

[Toledo]

I've had a lady ask me that before. Can I let him in? Oh, I'm going in. Baby, there ain't no way. If you don't let me in the front door, I'm coming in the back door. And when I say I'm coming in the back door, I mean it, baby. Hey, everybody, it's Officer Rico Blaze.

[Brady]

Where have you been, Rico?

[Toledo]

Oh, it is a crazy time for Rico Blaze. I was in Montana, my Father's Day special. You know what I'm talking about? Taking care of somebody's lonely mama. Talita, I treated your mama real nice. Then I headed on down to Mesa. Holmberg's daddy walked out on that situation, left himself a single mama. Father's day special for Ms. Marcia as well. The police came four times that day. And I'd like to welcome a new mama to the club.

[Brett]

Oh, no, no.

[Toledo]

Off to Columbus I go to protect and serve that booty of Ms. Bunny Bogan. All right. Is it too soon? She ain't got a lot of time left, player. Got to get on the action. You never know.

[Brady]

That's a good point, Rico.

[Toledo]

Live every day like it's your last, that's what I say. How's your mama holding up real well. That's right. What time's your flight? Right after mine. Damn right.

[Brett]

Slap on fives on the wheel.

[Toledo]

I just wanted to be wildly inappropriate with Brady's certain situation this week. And I knew he did not see this coming. So. My Father's Day. Oh, I saw It Brett, you unlucky mother. Effort for Mother's Day. Father's Day taken care of. Although I'll tell you what, I could still make your mama damn. Check me out at Rico blaze. I'm an officer of the law. You must obey, or I'll break out my nightstick. See you at the funeral, bro.

[Brady]

See, Rico? Looking forward to it.

[Toledo]

Well, that was uncalled for. Running a Father's Day special.

[Brady]

He sure is busy.

[Toledo]

What a guy running a train on Toledo's mom, My mom, and now your mom. It's just. You know what I do admire about Rico, though? He waited till they were single. He did. He did have one moral. Yeah, he's got morals. He's got. He's got boundaries. Sorry, Brady, that idea popped in my head while you're in the bathroom. Anyway.

[Brady]

You know, Leslie, I knew Enrico was going to Montana.

[Toledo]

It was all over.

[Brady]

It was all over.

[Toledo]

It wasn't. It wasn't the most cleverly crafted situation. I had to set it up. The average listener's like, what's going on? And then. Oh, he wouldn't. He did. But see, laughter makes the whole world. And that, my friend, is payback. Payback for you. While I was trying to eat last night, sending me deformed babies.

[Brett]

Oh, yeah.

[Toledo]

One after another, Brady's dying, laughing. He's sending me deformed baby heads. Loads. He's on some weird.

[Brady]

Yeah, now that I get them all the time.

[Toledo]

Of course. That's how the algorithm works. Yeah, because you won't surprise staring at if you spend 12 minutes staring one of them. I swear to God, one of them looked like a blow up doll.

[Brett]

Oh, you just showed me one.

[Toledo]

That one was nothing. The Hungry Hungry Hippo was nothing compared to the blow up doll. And then they do peekaboo with it.

[John Holmberg]

Pull out the blow up doll. Let's see this.

[Toledo]

Whip out the blow up doll. So I'm sitting there minding my own business, just trying to watch a little hockey last night. My phone goes ping. I look and Brady's like, check it out. And it's this. Under a blanket. There's like, something. And I just, you know, I play it out. I trust Brady's gonna give me something fun. And this blanket falls off this face. I didn't know it was deformed baby night at Brady's house.

[Brett]

They post it because jag dogs like.

[Toledo]

You, I guess the video takes like 15 seconds before the blanket comes off the kid's face. I've never seen anything as horrific. It is a nightmare fueled photograph. Of the worst thing I've ever seen. How they let that baby go out on the planet is beyond me. I think I can find it faster than Brady.

[Brady]

I sent it to Toledo.

[Toledo]

Oh, here it is.

[Brady]

Yeah, yeah.

[Toledo]

If you've got. Yeah, you send a video of the. The big reveal, you know, at the end of. Yeah, I know. I know. That's what I've got.

[Brady]

All I need is a still shot. But wait, there's more.

[Toledo]

Oh, Christ.

[Brady]

So I'm sit. What the hell are you doing over there?

[Toledo]

What are you search. I'm enjoying a little.

[Brady]

I don't know.

[Toledo]

I'm like, what's happening?

[Brett]

What is going on?

[Toledo]

Yeah. Oh, God. Oh, yeah. This. I'm trying to just.

[Brett]

Oh, no, you can't bring.

[Toledo]

No. And that is precisely the reason I've been sent over to F. Your mama. Bastard. I'm just trying to eat a. I'm just having a little grilled chicken on some zucchini needles noodles last night. I'm not exactly enjoying the greatest meal. It's, you know, healthy. Try not to gain weight while I can't move around.

[Brady]

Jesus Christ. Look at it go.

[Toledo]

And Brady sends me deformed baby videos and laughs, though. I like, I could hear that. And I just.

[Brady]

Back on.

[Toledo]

Sweet. Well, because I just text back, like, why didn't they kill that?

[Eric]

I can't. I'm laughing so hard.

[Toledo]

And then I said, I'm just glad Torp wasn't here to see this. Terrible. You're. You're the. You're the. You're supposed to be in, like, some sort of a different state of mind this week, you know, get the hammer. Yeah, I did. I should get the claw side of that hammer and finish it. No reason for that to continue on. But you are not supposed to be in a state of mind right now. We were firing that stuff over.

[Eric]

I'm a good laugh.

[Brady]

That bag of bones.

[Toledo]

Jesus. In a bag of bones. Like, it. Like, it's.

[Brady]

It's Kenny Loggins. It's Kenny Loggins as a. Oh, my God.

[Toledo]

It's a boneless Kenny loggins.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you, Dr. Lynn, for all you've done for me.

[Brady]

It's a torso list.

[Toledo]

Yeah, I don't know what that is, but his head grew into Kenny Loggins and his body is just a lump of nothing. You.

[Brett]

If you saw his head. Only on a dating.

[Toledo]

So I would. No. On a dating site. Oh, yeah, you're swiping on that on a dating site. Yeah. Never mind the chair, please. My friend. My friend was on a date prop him up on a rock. No, they're just carrying his boneless body around. This is what I get from Brady while I'm just enjoying a meal. I can't escape him. So I took this horrific human being's night, and I'm like, screw this guy. There's no feelings in this sociopath. Rico Blade's gonna bang his mom tomorrow.

[Brady]

It's helping me.

[Toledo]

My friend. My friend is on one of. I didn't know about these sites. This is new. And I've got two friends using them and, you know, whatever. And I forget one of them is called. I don't even know if it's a site or it's an app. I wrote it down. But it's this one that my one friend got on this thing because a friend of his is on it.

[Brady]

Mary Kill only.

[Toledo]

Oh, it's called. Where the hell is it? I wrote it down, damn it. Where is it? Ah, nuts. Hold on, I'll find it. I'll get you.

[Brady]

It's basically just encounters, only it's called Bang Palace.

[Toledo]

And these girls are like. And then you, evidently, because he told me you just put your distance in, like, how far you're willing to travel for some ass. And then girls show up, and then you kind of put your zip code in or whatever. So he's getting these and. And no joke. These girls are like. He showed it to me. He's like, not bad, right? I'm like, nah. Still, though, she's a member of Bang palace, so there's something going on that I'm not real comfortable with. So one of them says, and she's three sexy pictures, and she's posing in this throne. And when you see boobs, you don't see, like, the stuff around it. She's, like, squeezing her cans together. She's not naked. She's in a tank top. She's almost naked. Couple of girls just flash the bead. And then it says, I'm sick of this. Like, most of the girls, things are, I'm sick of my life. I just want somebody to bone, and I don't want any strings attached. And I'm like, this is appealing to a lot of guys. So Bang palace exists. The one girl's first line in her thing after these three pictures was, let's just start here. If the chair bothers you, just skip me. And then you go back and look at her pictures and realize that that throne she's sitting in is a wheelchair. She's incapacitated, she's functionless. Spinal cord injury, something. But she still wants you to rub on her cans. And I told my friend, I'm like, you gotta do this. You gotta. You gotta wheel her. You gotta get. Wheel over. Yeah. You gotta get her on a ramp and take her over to Burger Theory and have a nice meal, and then wheel her home, take her over the bump and the threshold, and pour her out on the floor and go to town. That's what she's begging for. But I don't know how. You're in a wheelchair and you're like, screw it, Bang Palace. And then you're like, why not? I guess it's the same way Toledo putting boneless Kenny Loggins up on the old dating site.

[Brett]

So there's apparently a sex dating apps review site. Oh, this person is not a fan of the Bang Palace.

[Toledo]

No. Why it's got to be all fake.

[Brett]

Conclusion, USA Bang palace does not work for sex.

[Toledo]

Too many cripples.

[Brett]

Marketed as a hookup site. That's going to do nothing for you. The site mentions that the profiles are for entertainment only and that they are literally fake.

[Toledo]

No kidding.

[Brett]

So no meeting up with anyone for sex here. Don't waste your time on this site.

[Toledo]

No. Well. What?

[John Holmberg]

This guy's pissed.

[Brett]

Well, gives others other alternatives. No strings attached dot com, Uber horny fling dot com and aff dot com.

[Toledo]

So I asked my. My. I asked him, I said, what is it, Brian? What's this thing cost you? Oops. Shouldn't have said the name. I said, what's this? What's this?

[John Holmberg]

Don't say the other name.

[Toledo]

Whatever you do. That's his fake name.

[Brett]

Guess two of them, right?

[John Holmberg]

That ain't the other name.

[Toledo]

That's his name. That's not his real name. His real name is. His last name is Jackson. Nobody needs to know this. No, I was like, how much does this cost you? And he goes, you pay for every text. You don't pay. Like, it's an insane thing. You don't pay for every. Like, you don't pay to be a member. You just are on there. And then evidently, because he showed me his. Like, he sent a picture email, like, hundreds of them. Like, the second he said, all right, here's my profile. And he didn't even put a picture up. And it said, I saw you like this, and I'm within 15 miles of you. You want to meet me for lunch or something? And then. Or just come to my house and we can bang it out. And I'm like, is this real? I said, how do you pay for this? And he. So every time he Responds back a token. Like it's. It's like a buck. And then you buy like a ton of tokens and then so. And they try to have conversations with you and. But some of the. Like he showed me one of them. I don't know if this one's real because she wants off there because it costs her so much to talk. So she wants your phone number. I'm like, I'm not giving any of those.

[Brett]

Why?

[Toledo]

It's fake. I'm not giving bank palace girls my number.

[Brady]

Yeah. I'm like, not even a physical encounter. It's just texting back and forth.

[Toledo]

Texting according to what Toledo just found. But from what I was reading what he was sending me, those. They're in.

[John Holmberg]

Well, has he went forward with this yet?

[Toledo]

He just. Brand new to it. Okay. But anonymous. Brian is definitely like. But he sent me the. One of the girl in the wheelchair and I was like, man, well we.

[John Holmberg]

Need a review from him when he actually does do this.

[Toledo]

But why would that. If it's a. If it's fake women. Why would. Why would the algorithm stuff a cripple in there and then like she's mad about it. First and foremost, let's get this out of the way. If the chair bothers you, I'm out. Like, all right. That's not a.

[John Holmberg]

Throw one zinger in there, right?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

I would have typed back, it's not the chair that bothers me, it's the bitch in it.

[Brett]

I like that response.

[Toledo]

She was really mad. Like. Like you'd already judged her. I'm like, of course I'm on Bang Palace. The last thing I expect on Bang palace is wheels.

[Brady]

Profile. Roll it, roll it, roll it.

[Toledo]

Come on, Fred. Worst. But yeah. So Bang palace, if you're interested. I would never participate in something like that. I don't care how lonely I get in. In life. That is Bang palace wheelchair girl is. I might as well just go to the circus and walk to that freak show in the back. And I don't think that exists anymore. I think that's just society. Just wander back there. Is there a bearded lady that's lonely.

[Brett]

And I still think it exists.

[Toledo]

Well, Brady sent me video of it last night.

[Brett]

Right.

[Toledo]

That balloon headed blow up future.

[Brett]

By the way, the only job she.

[Toledo]

Can get is freak show. Did you see the video? Did he send you the video of them playing peekaboo?

[Brett]

Wow.

[Toledo]

It's a horrific nightmare fueled. It's where nightmares are born that when that little gingham thing goes off that kid's face and reveals the Mr. Mackey over inflated head.

[Brady]

That cost me 10 bucks to talk to her.

[Brett]

That's why it starts at that one. Like there's no peekaboo there.

[Toledo]

No. Maybe it's.

[Brady]

There's another one.

[Toledo]

And then you look closely. It says on the side of her head inflate to 12 psi. And she's at like 22.

[Brett]

She's over.

[Brady]

That one's even bigger.

[Toledo]

It's awful to look at. But that's for you, you prick. That was why Rico came in. That was truly disturbing last night. And then it wasn't.

[Brett]

By the way, I don't think that left leg is all right either.

[Toledo]

I'm not. I don't care about the look good. The last thing.

[John Holmberg]

Manchi Chee.

[Toledo]

The last thing I need. He's not wrong. The last thing I need that thing to be is ambulatory. I need a. I break its leg so it didn't walk around. You can't walk and sneak up on things. Just the Cl. Just clot with hammer in the back of the head. Yeah. That's what I think I said. Yeah.

[Brady]

After the.

[Toledo]

Here we go. Just sledge that. You take a callaway 9.5 driver. Nice flat face on that. You line up Mr. Mackey and his giant melon and you put it out of its misery. I. I like if that. Brett, if that came out. You and I both had vasectomies to avoid that kind of stuff.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So I say, Dr. Lin, thank you very much.

[Toledo]

Kept us from ever having a balloon headed blow up doll kid that we gotta pretend to love and then have the nerve to put on Instagram with the words God bless. God hates that kid. God bless you. How dare you. God's zero blessings to that kid now. Zero blessings expressed to that kid. Where's your free will when you come out over inflated like that? It's got a shelf life of five months. The whole family is just. It's a. The saddest thing in the world. You club it. If you're a decent doctor, you club it right out of the box and you say, hey, nothing happened. It's just a bunch of blood. You didn't hear it was a false pregnancy. Really? Yeah. When you ultrasound that thing and the head is the size of your wife's chest cavity. Doc, we gotta do something about this, right?

[Brady]

Is this right?

[Toledo]

There we go. We get a melon, ball that out of there, right? Get to get the graham crackers and Sprite. Let's do the right thing. But then sledge it.

[Brady]

Limbo. Kenny, loggins lasted that long.

[Toledo]

Limbo. Kenny Loggins went through puberty enough to have a better beard than me, which I'll give him. I'll give him. I'll give him. Yeah. I would take that guy to every limbo contest, put him on a mechanic's creeper. I would sit there every bar. Brady would have a trunk at every limbo contest with his arms folded, just standing indignant while everybody's limbo, limbo. And Timothy looked like he gonna be the lowest one then Creek.

[Eric]

Do your stuff, mother.

[Toledo]

Oh, we have a lit cont. Oh my God. Oh my God. What is that? Limbo Candy Logan.

[Eric]

World champ. Undefeated. Slide under that thing. Squidward.

[Brady]

You got it outlawed less than a.

[Toledo]

Year as a quicksilver and its little head goes curling under the.

[Eric]

You cannot make the polo enough for him.

[Toledo]

That terrible noise.

[Eric]

Let's open up my case. Go get a mother. The sticks over there blob on over.

[Toledo]

Like a little snail with a head on.

[Brady]

Oh, man.

[Toledo]

Limbo, limbo, limbo. What is this thing? Oh my God. That's a man contest over every limbo. Anybody want to sign up? Just get in line. All are welcome.

[Brady]

One last contestant.

[Toledo]

Either my Angela. Look how low she can go. Hello. Can you go? Huh? Red slide for Angela. That's very low. Okay, who's next? Holy. What is that?

[Brady]

What the.

[Toledo]

Are you from hell? You are limbo from hell, you devil boy.

[Eric]

But he won, right?

[Toledo]

Who are you? Of course he won.

[Eric]

I'm the colonel Tom Parker of the Rainbow.

[Toledo]

Kenny.

[Eric]

Laughing.

[Toledo]

Holy God, it's touching me. Burn the stick. All hell broke out tonight at Bahama Breeze. Sorry. That's your fault, Brady. You sent me some horrible things last night. It's John Holmberg here and it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of My Home Group and Doug Hopkins dot com. He knows this market up and down and his message is simple and straightforward. He wants to buy your house for cash as is. No repairs or upgrades and a firm final offer with no chance of canceling. If he moves moves it at all, you get $5,000. So while the other guys come and go, Doug Hopkins is here to stay. Sell your home right now and start the entire process [e-mail] or sing.

[John Holmberg]

We're here with Byron from MMP Guns. Byron, why should someone choose to go to MMP Guns?

[Byron]

The choice is simple, Brett. MMP Guns is your one stop shop for all your shooting needs. We offer Arizona's largest selection handguns, rifles, shotguns, new and pre owned. We also have a Large selection of ammunition, accessories and even training. In fact, right now all pre owned Firear 20% off. All new firearms are 10% off. We have ammo ink 9mm hollow points for only $12.99 a box and much more.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it sounds like MMP Guns is committed to providing the customers with the best possible service and selection.

[Byron]

That's a fact. You can visit us at the store at northeast corner of 12th street in Indian School or online at mmpguns.com ready.

[Toledo]

To beat the heat, Hooters is making waves with our new sun, surf and seafood deals. For a limited time, cool down with an ice cold sun cruiser starting at just $5 and dive into amazing shrimp specials Monday through Saturday. Like a dozen buffalo shrimp for only $12. Catch our sensational crab leg sundaes where you can add an extra half pound for just $9 when you order a full pound. We'll see you this summer at Hooters. But hurry before these hot deals sail away. Hooters more than just wings.

[Brett]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool actually.

[Brady]

No membership fee.

[Toledo]

I have heard enough of this. Let's get out of here. All the other morning shows do it. Why do we have to stay extra? Because. Because we. Because we do. Well, we're better that way.

[John Holmberg]

We care first on and we care about.

[Toledo]

I got an email that said about the banana peel being littering. But of course Brett doesn't think that's littering. That was the only way to make Donkey Kong spin out in his world. That's true. As Luigi and Mario used to chuck banana peels out onto the road. It's more of a tool and make the giant ape spin around. You need a banana peel in the car in case you're getting chased by Kong.

[John Holmberg]

You never know.

[Toledo]

You never know crazy out there anyway. That is very true. Brett's people reliance for years. If you're a studier of the Italians through Mario and Luigi, as am I, they're the only ones I know. I know Columbus, I know Mario, I know Luigi and I know the cast of the Godfather. Outside of that a Sopranos, that's true, it's pretty great. And I'm actually shocked at our little. The little infantile idea we had here. Getting legs on my emails, which is kind of scary, is that I had a DUI and I would have killed for a bike when I used to ride my bike over to my. My old boxing trainer Pete Chavez used to be on 7th Avenue in Missouri. It's about a six mile, maybe a little More ride for me. Maybe a little more. And I used to ride down Bethany home to seventh. And I'm not kidding, I said this before, the second I would pass Central Avenue into the Avenues, I would get screamed at. Would you blow dui? I'm like, I'm just on a bike. I'm a man on a bicycle enjoying his day. I was like, no, you're not. Not on the west side. Central Phoenix, the Biltmore area. People ride their bikes for recreation. And no one ever screams DUI at you at, like, you know, when you're going through the mall parking lot, you get over there, you get close to 3rd Avenue, and you are. You blew it to 0.3. There's no question in anyone's mind. There's no reason to ride a bicycle anywhere over there. And then I started to think, I'm a target. Something's going on here. So we had the idea, you know, after looking at that guy yesterday. And I sent you guys the picture. We should put it on Facebook. But blur, blur, blur the poor bastard's face. He was riding a girl's 20 inch dirt bike, which means it wasn't even like name brand. I don't even know. Did Diamondback and Redline and they make girls bikes.

[John Holmberg]

Those are all like Huffy's Schwins.

[Toledo]

They get the. The Sears Roebuck bike. This poor guy, whatever his daughter outgrew he was riding. So we came up with this idea and we haven't talked to Josh about it, but he's gonna do it at Action Ride Shop. Guys, like, I'd kill for a bike.

[Brady]

A rental.

[Toledo]

No, no, no, no, no. It's a giveaway. Josh doesn't want it back. For crying out loud.

[Brady]

Or brother bros out or.

[Toledo]

Yeah, if you want. Hey, I want to donate it back, but it's an area. You can't just keep donating it. Like, use it for three most. What's a DUI run? Like, how long you without a license?

[John Holmberg]

It's a year, isn't it?

[Brady]

Depends.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I think you get. I think you get. It's a certain amount of time, then you got to get the blower in your car and then you gotta.

[Toledo]

That's true, you know, but when you go dirt bike, you're on your second one.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, second or third.

[Toledo]

What's. What is it? You had a license the whole time, right?

[Brett]

No, I lost my license for 30 days.

[Toledo]

30 days, okay.

[Brett]

So that was why the late Tom Belcher had to bring me in from.

[Toledo]

He died.

[Brett]

He died.

[Toledo]

I didn't know that of Fordham driving you to work?

[Brett]

No, he died after that. It was over.

[Toledo]

Too fun for me to die. I didn't care about your real answer. It was just too funny. I didn't know Belcher croaked. Yeah, well, that's sad. I guess I probably didn't forgot.

[Brett]

I think he had a. I think he had a hard problem.

[Toledo]

He was a big dude. Yeah.

[Brett]

Yeah, I think he had a hard problem.

[Toledo]

But he was your ride for. Yep. A month.

[Brett]

And he offered it up after you threw it out there on the air.

[Toledo]

That you couldn't drive anymore. I don't remember any of that.

[Brett]

We need to get Toledo into the radio station in the morning.

[Toledo]

I did. Yeah. Well, most people should have Belcher textured and said.

[Brett]

Said, I gotta be in at this time. I'm like, all right.

[Toledo]

And every morning, Belcher. Hi, Richard.

[Eric]

Hey, thanks for the ride.

[Toledo]

And you guys, 30 date it. Yep. And then he hung himself. Like, I never want to do anything like this again. That's it. That's it. I've seen what the worst thing humanity is to has to offer. Goodbye, cruel world.

[Brett]

Much like his wife. I'm kicking him to the air.

[Toledo]

You're out. So it's 30 days, so you have to have.

[Brett]

Probably me and I got out. Mine was 16 years ago, so punishments now are. Are a lot tougher. Like, the fines are tougher.

[Brady]

One to 12 months.

[Brett]

And I didn't. I didn't have to have an interlock. Yeah. So I got. I got 0.18 or more.

[Toledo]

Anything that makes it so your license goes away, and then we'll get the donations over at Action Rideshow. And today, just take your. Your kid's bike that your child has outgrown, donate it to the cause, and then when Josh is done with it, he can give it over to one of those real charities that does work for, you know, refurbishing bikes for kids.

[Brett]

There's a couple of those in town.

[Toledo]

We double down on this thing. We help out some bros who DUI'd up a little bit dummies. And as I say, I don't believe, but this is a great sentence if you're a believer. But for the grace of God go I. There's been plenty of times I probably should have been on Toledo's road. I've done some dumb driving in the past, I'm not gonna lie. And I know there's a lot of you out there who. Have you got one too?

[John Holmberg]

No, you didn't get one.

[Toledo]

You were drunk and smashed into.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I didn't get one though.

[Toledo]

Luckily give you DUI because your lesson was the coma.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, cuz I would. Yeah, I was in the. I was in ICU for four days, so.

[Toledo]

Yeah, but you still got a license. Like you could have. You could have driven home from the hospital. Absolutely. That's not right. You know what? You need to ride your bike to work for a month just to make good for all the guys. The one.

[John Holmberg]

The one thing we got to figure out, how are we going to get these guys from the west side to Josh and you know.

[Toledo]

You know what? They should have thought of that before.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I agree.

[Brady]

That gets over there. The light rail.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[Brady]

They're going to hook it up on the light rail anyway eventually.

[Toledo]

That's right. You got to get used to your light rail trail and then put it on the front of it.

[Brady]

Yep.

[Toledo]

I like this. I don't know how serious these people are, but I just want to. Really, all I want to do is just load up action ride shop with a bunch of dirty old kids bikes and then wait for the stragglers of society to come wandering. But you'd be surprised. Everybody thinks DUI guy on a dirt bike is, you know, some loser. There's a lot of DUIs out there.

[Brady]

To do the bike of shame.

[Toledo]

People are emailing in their 0.3 blows.

[Brett]

And like, man, so many that are over points.

[Toledo]

We're on the road with these people.

[Brett]

That's not. I mean. And also a lot of point two.

[Toledo]

So.

[Brett]

I mean, when they do it, they.

[Toledo]

They're doing it. It doesn't take much to get there. I remember when I was in the band days, years and years and years ago, driving that jeep from the Mason Jar all the way back to Mesa full of drums and I should not have been doing that.

[Brady]

Last Friday at that fish fry with Ronnie's relatives and stuff. I drove one of the old ladies home. Designated driver.

[Toledo]

Oh, no. All right.

[Brady]

She lived right in the neighborhood.

[Toledo]

Is that a euphemism for some driving? The old.

[Brady]

I had Ronnie and Kirby follow me.

[Toledo]

Oh, got her car home.

[Brady]

Yeah. Because she would have had a tough time getting in the next morning. And why.

[Toledo]

How old was she?

[Brady]

85. Shouldn't be driving.

[Toledo]

Shouldn't be driving anyway.

[Brady]

Yeah, 85 and you drunk Lesaber in mint condition.

[Toledo]

Yeah. And the thing is, she'd survive that wreck driving that giant semi around what year? Big ones or the. No, when they turned them into parking. Probably a 90s.

[Brady]

2012.

[Toledo]

Oh, geez. I didn't know they still made lesabers. Did they bring them back or something.

[Brady]

Maybe it's a Lucerne. Maybe the les. The. Is the Buick, I think.

[Brett]

Okay.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[Brett]

I thought it was butter.

[Toledo]

In a car. I thought it was butter.

[Brady]

Yeah, no, I think it's a.

[Toledo]

It's a dairy product, but either way, that old lady shouldn't have been driving. See your party sounds fun.

[Brady]

It was you.

[Toledo]

A 15 year old and an 85 year old lady. I'm like, together. You.

[Brady]

You and Kirby head home. I'll be all right.

[Toledo]

Was she looped or was she suffering from some sort of.

[Brady]

No, she was.

[Toledo]

Disorder.

[Brady]

She had been there.

[Toledo]

There's a Lucerne Brady's, right? They make Buttercars. She had a Buick list cern.

[Eric]

Sweet ride.

[Toledo]

What was she looped on? She. Wine.

[Brady]

Yeah. White wine.

[Toledo]

Ice.

[Brady]

Former competitive ballroom dancer years ago. Yep.

[Toledo]

You got to know her.

[Brady]

She. You know. You stood up and told three things about yourself during the table.

[Toledo]

AA meeting with a kid. It was kind of.

[Brett]

You're in an intervention, I think.

[Toledo]

What was the other game you played?

[Brady]

Lady stood up. Jared Garcia. Held my 7 month old baby and he had dirty nails. I'll never forget it.

[Toledo]

The Grateful Dead. Old lady.

[Brady]

She worked for the dead for years. I'm like, oh, guy work with this.

[Toledo]

Sounds quite a bit like what a judge would force you to go to after a dui. Jeez. No, you. You went. You said it already. We heard you. And then you realized.

[Brady]

I had a great time.

[Toledo]

That was a great moment right there. When you said what you really felt and then realized Ronnie might be listening. You don't want her to spit in your food, so you tried to clear it up.

[Brady]

No, I made us all go.

[Toledo]

I'm sure of it. Ronnie's fat. How come Ronnie's family gathering had to everybody to get up and get to.

[Brady]

Know each other because some of the people have never met each other before.

[Toledo]

It wasn't much of a family guy.

[John Holmberg]

Sounds terrible.

[Brady]

Well, it was a mix of family and three or four outsiders.

[Toledo]

Wow. Just let the outsiders.

[Brady]

I. I only knew, like, what were your three facts?

[Toledo]

You should have. You should always lead with the one.

[Eric]

I stuffed dog hair in a girl's once.

[Brady]

I didn't do that one.

[Eric]

That's true.

[John Holmberg]

Now you're an ass clown.

[Eric]

She blew up like Farouka or whatever. No, Violet Beauregard from Willy Wonk. Just poof, poof, poof. Labius for miles look like 80 days around the world. Questions?

[Toledo]

What did he say? I believe he blew up a woman's.

[Eric]

Vagina with dog hair.

[Brett]

John, your bike program is gonna get some legs. Because right now the mandatory sentence is one year suspended license and one year interlock.

[Toledo]

This guy says, my uncle has gotten over 30 DUIs in his life. He has a valid license in Ohio. Every single one of those.

[Brady]

What?

[Toledo]

Halloween in a different county? They don't share records between offices.

[Brett]

Wow.

[Toledo]

Let that soak in. Another reason not to let in Ohio. My Highest drunk blow. 5 foot 6, 120 pounds, 56. He works for an insurance company. Wow. 5, 6, 1. Yeah, that's dead. You're almost dead either way. The DUI. DUI guy. Bike giveaway. You know, you never see a chick riding a bicycle to work, because if.

[John Holmberg]

She'S good looking, she's got a ride.

[Toledo]

Don't matter.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, she's always DUI guy.

[Toledo]

DUI guy is the only one you ever see. You never see a girl, like, just on a dirt bike she stole from her kid going to work. It doesn't happen, John.

[Brett]

I tell my friends all the time, the Uber Lyft, even tipping him a 20 is worth it. Not to get the DUI.

[Toledo]

Oh, completely. And leaving, like, my big beef has always been, I don't want to leave my car here.

[Brett]

Right.

[Toledo]

So I usually temper my drinking. When I go and I have my car, I'm like, I'll have a couple. Like, I'm not gonna. I don't get.

[Brett]

Do you remember that service that came to the old building for a little bit?

[Toledo]

The guy would come, oh, with a bike in his.

[Brett]

He'd have a little moped that would fold up and put in the back of your trunk.

[Toledo]

Then he'd home, and then he'd moped back.

[Brett]

Unfortunately, he would drive your car to your house with you in it.

[Toledo]

Run over by a drunk driver on that little tiny bike. No one could see it was a bike. Like a. Like a clown bike.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

Crazy. Anyway, DUI bikes for DUI guys. Drop them off today at Action Ride Track. Josh will have no idea what's going on. Homework. Should have just put this here. I don't want this.

[Brady]

I'm done with this.

[Toledo]

I'm done with it. I get my license back tomorrow. So you. Josh. What did I do? Yeah, it's a good idea. Or we just use it like we do the birds. Just DUI bikes laying all over the city.

[Brett]

Yep.

[Toledo]

Just, you know. Or this guy says, how about an Easter keg hunt? Hide bikes all over the place and DUI offenders can come by. I've already found three white ones. No, no, no. Don't take that. Why don't we put Those to use those spray painted white ones. After a while everybody's over what happened, right? We can put the bike back to use with a DUI guy. You get a white bike. That's how we can ID you. You get a memorialized bicycle and that's how we know you're a DUI guy. Hey, I also have this thing. Tell me what you think of this. This is I'm off the medicine, so everything's functioning again. So last night I'm watching and the news says we got a huge homeless problem. Them we got like 870% like we're going crazy. And they're trying to figure out. Hear me out before you judge. I know you're going to make some noise. This is a good idea. It starts off a little shaky. Give me a minute. So they're trying to like refurbish old mall like Fiesta Mall and Superstition Springs, like maybe even put them in there. Got a access to food and stuff like that. I'm cool with that. But if you're in there for more than 60 days, you get on the E list, right? So you can be euthanized after 90 days in the thing just like the dog pound. Nobody comes and claims you. You're out. So here's my. And I know that sounds drastic, but let's like the E list is out there and there are claims you though, right? So here's the thing.

[John Holmberg]

I'm all for it.

[Toledo]

I know you, I know you are culling the herd. Brett and I are on the same page. So all these people go. And so the ones that like realize they're on the E list will show ambition and get the hell out of there. Otherwise we put them up on a website and go, here's this week's E list like they do down at the shelter. And then you know, county does it.

[Brett]

And people run down again to Wednesday's adult.

[Toledo]

Yes. Well, no, not even that. That's like no, because they don't E list the adoptees. But you don't adopt it. So these religious do gooders will lose their minds if there's an E list and then start taking them in and fostering.

[Brady]

They're the ones that take them in right now.

[Toledo]

No, they don't. They're. They say they do they. All they do is just give them some food and send them on their way. I'm talking about like you can't have them on the streets. They're on the streets, they get wrangled by the dog catcher and we take them over to these malls and go, sorry. And that if you don't, do you have a job like. No, I'm not working while I get up. Okay, we're going to keep you here. You're going to have a safe place to stay. You got 60 days to get it together. Otherwise you're on the E list. And then you got 30 days to get claimed. You're going to be making. You're going to be making phone calls. You're going to be losing your mind. No heroin in the mall. So maybe it's like a state featured thing. We turn Dillard's into like a rehab center so you can spend the first 28 days in there. Right. You're not. This is a good idea, Richard.

[Brett]

I'm just reading the text.

[Toledo]

The E list is a good idea. No one would ever get euthanized. And if they did. But no one would ever get euthanized because somebody, church group is still in the fine print. Right? Okay. But it's how we handle the problem with the animals. I'm not saying they're animals. I'm just saying if we want a real solution here, I've got one.

[Brett]

I love it, John. Now tell me how we speed up those 60 days.

[Toledo]

No, no, the time is time.

[John Holmberg]

Sorry, I didn't mean to text.

[Toledo]

Brad. Don't use the text machine. You've got a microphone. We don't speed it up and they don't get it in 60. They go on the E list in 60. Then you got 30 days. So you got a recovery program in 28 days. You got 32 more days to figure it all out to make some phone calls, get claimed.

[Brett]

So the mall becomes a mall of substance abuse and recovery and every other.

[Toledo]

The Dillard's there. Sure. The Dillard's is substance abuse. And then, you know, everybody's got a little place to hang out, bathrooms, keeps.

[Brett]

Them off the, like Japan. They give you a little cubicle look.

[Brady]

Because I don't know what the percentage too of the ones that are mentally ill. Yeah, I mean it's like.

[Toledo]

That's right.

[Brady]

So I don't know if that can be.

[Toledo]

Somebody's got to claim that, oh, you can't cure it. I'm not saying you're gonna.

[Brady]

Because the facilities that they're supposed to be in are over you.

[Toledo]

Same thing at the county. Yeah, they tell you when they've got. When they've got a trigger and the dog can't be around other dogs and like they'll tell you like, this one's pretty good. But it can't be around, you know, it's got some stuff going on. And then some church group comes and claims it.

[John Holmberg]

A Metro center is wide open.

[Toledo]

I mean, well, they're putting a new place up there. It doesn't matter.

[John Holmberg]

It's on the way. It's on the west side. They already got built in clientele right there.

[Toledo]

It's not a far hall.

[John Holmberg]

Right off the 17. Yeah.

[Brady]

Conveniently located.

[Toledo]

Yeah. This is a good idea.

[John Holmberg]

Plenty of room for bike racks for DUI guys.

[Toledo]

And the problem's going to be when we start euthanizing a few of them that's like, oh, Jesus. They mean that.

[Brett]

I for one, cannot wait till Fridays when I hear that. The Pacifico pick of them all.

[Toledo]

This is Bruce. He's a good guy. He ran into some hardships, let me tell you. Shut up, Bruce. Let me do the talking. Bruce has some triggers. Probably an only dog. I mean, an only guy at your house. Doesn't need to be around other people. Doesn't like kids much. Doesn't like anything and thinks he's covered leashes.

[Brady]

He's good with other people.

[Toledo]

Yeah, keep him. Put him in the pool and he's happy to live in your backyard.

[Brett]

Hear me out here, Holmberg.

[Toledo]

30 days.

[Brett]

Can we involve a firing squad somehow?

[Toledo]

No, no, you're making it violent. It'd be a peaceful death. The E list. People want solutions, and then I give one and they're like, that's terrible. All right, so status quo then. Where? They just die on the streets. Okay. Out of sight, out of mind. Is that what you'd rather have? Because that's what we're doing.

[Brady]

Well, you know, I mean, makes sense in a lot of different cases, but. But the tough thing, I was authentic.

[Toledo]

I don't believe.

[Brady]

Well, no, it does, because the problem is we have these programs that help people to try to get back on their feet, and the problem is it gets milked. It's supposed to be Brady. You know the analogy. It's supposed to be a trampoline to get you back on your feet, but it's turned into a hammock. People just stay in there. Okay?

[Toledo]

Not with my plan. Yeah, not with my plan, they don't. You go in there and you get your rehab, you get assessed, and that's the. That's where the money comes. There is going to be a cost on this. And that's where the money comes in, right? Donations, whatever you want to do a little tax dollar thing. You've got this dead land anyway, so, you know, you Got some businesses in there that can take her. Maybe one of the churches will do it. I'll take in there. But you know, the Dillards is on one end. Maybe the Mormons can handle where the old Robinsons was. The Sears is pretty big. And get the Muslims.

[Brett]

I don't know if we saw how Osteen handled it when you people were asking him to help out.

[Toledo]

He's an SO that's. You know, you just try to dodge.

[Brett]

Saying that all of them are assholes.

[Toledo]

No, I agree with that building.

[Brady]

He has his choice.

[Toledo]

But I'm sure telling you right now.

[Brett]

Have a lot of buildings over in.

[John Holmberg]

Father Dale would have the youth center in the old Sears.

[Toledo]

He's not wrong. But let's not jump to all the problems. God damn it. I came up with a problem.

[John Holmberg]

That's true.

[Toledo]

Within five minutes, Brett's got the kids in the hot tub. Homeless kids don't get euthanized. Just so.

[John Holmberg]

What's the age limit? So 18.

[Toledo]

Oh, no, there's kids in there. We take everybody. Okay, but your parents have.

[John Holmberg]

But where do you get on the eating list?

[Brady]

It's a tough one. The parents don't cut. You know, the whole family gets in there.

[Toledo]

Yeah, hey, mom and dad are on the cut.

[Brady]

They got 60 days.

[Toledo]

Puppies are easier to adopt.

[Brady]

Then we got more orphans.

[Toledo]

Puppies are easier to adopt. You roll in with a couple of stragglers and they're like, look, mom, dad, you got 60 days to figure this out. You either love them or you love the H. What are you gonna do? We'll put you in the Dillard's. You got 28 days to figure that out. And you got 32 days to get it all straight. Make some phone calls, make amends with some family, try to figure this whole deal. And then off you go for your last 30 because then we're putting you on the E list. Technically, you'll have 62 days to get it together before your E date.

[Brady]

Need some good idea. Need some companies to step up and be able to take that. Say, would you take someone on the 60 day program?

[Toledo]

Right.

[Brady]

Because that's a risk then.

[Toledo]

But then you got job fair stuff going on where people are like, we need 35 employees real quick. Give me 35 of your best. They get out of there, that's a reset button. So if things go wrong, they get another free 60 so they can't continually go back in.

[Brett]

How many cycles can they go?

[Toledo]

You can cycle, but I guarantee it.

[Brady]

Shouldn't it be a three strike program.

[Toledo]

Or something, then you're immediately euthanized. Yeah, no, I don't like that idea. But I do like that we. If you don't need the rehab, you start on the E list the day to get back, if it's your third time in, you know, if. Yeah, if you keep using it as a system that you know. But hey, if you're in those 30 day that. It's like a 30 day program. You're work releasing, you're going out, you're getting some things done. You come back, you sleep at the old. The jutin hoops or whatever's inside there and then you go to work again the next day.

[Brady]

You work cut off on it because it'll get milked like everything else.

[Toledo]

There's a cutoff. All right.

[Brett]

Yeah, didn't you hear?

[Toledo]

Death is.

[Brady]

Yeah, there's a cutting moment, but he goes in, sure. Goes back on the H, he gets another 60 days. Brady goes out, goes back on the.

[Toledo]

H. You're talking about. You're talking about somebody. You're thinking somebody ambitious is going to go out, earn their way out of the place to live in a home because you can't live on the streets anymore. You go right back to the shelter if you get caught. And so if you. Yeah, if you leave and you get on the H again. Yeah, you're going right on the E list.

[Brett]

Also a little insight about how you feel about the homeless.

[Eric]

Yeah, they're just gonna jump right back onto the train. Chase that dragon.

[Brady]

No, about programs more than the Chinaman's.

[Eric]

Nightcap is unavoidable once you're part of it. Look at Holmberg. He's been on opioids for a week. He's already trying to kill off the homeless.

[Toledo]

It's a good plan and it's better than the one we've got.

[Brett]

Wtf, Adolf? Does your camp have furnaces and showers too?

[Toledo]

Okay. Does your camp have anything? It's a bunch of 10 in the road and nobody. You just want to ignore it. You're not wrong.

[Brady]

But that's not ours. That's. We let them.

[Toledo]

Oh, no, no, no. That is ours. That is ours. Make no mistake. That is 100 ours because we've decided to go. Not in my neighborhood. I don't know where it is and I don't care. You've never been down there. You're not doing anything about it. You don't want anything to do with it.

[Brett]

And then there's a lot of this kind of stuff.

[Toledo]

I'm the same way. I'm not lying about it.

[Brett]

I'm all for it. Let them lure the flies themselves inside that building too. Get all the our people out of there. Let them take over, form their own government.

[Toledo]

Muck up business fronts like they're complaining about down there. It's an idea. I don't hear any ideas. I hear just money. Throw money at it and then move them around. This is a good one. Put them on an E list like we do. The dog.

[John Holmberg]

Need to call Katie Hobbs, get around this.

[Eric]

I got the idea from a guy on the radio and he said to E list the homeless.

[Toledo]

It's gonna be a tough sell on tv. I'll tell you right now that there's gonna be a lot of people hear that E list idea. And they don't hear the benefits, they only hear the bad. It's legit.

[Brett]

I was told in rehab, on average it takes 30 years of being addicted and seven times in rehab before you get it together.

[Toledo]

It's a 5% success rate with a 92% recidivism. It's massive. But again, you pop in there and you got the options. If you stop taking the options and you just want to hang around in there. Enjoy your 90 days.

[Brett]

Squid game, John.

[Toledo]

Kind of squid game, guys, is a little out of mind comfort zone. It is. Look, it's an uncomfortable topic, but they keep saying we got to solve this problem. Got to solve this problem. But we're not doing anything different. I solved it. Ironically, it's 9 11. That's the time I go to.

[Brett]

You're not wrong. How many of these vacant lots stay vacant so they can get the tax benefit from it rather than repurposing the land.

[Toledo]

It's an actual thing. And I guarantee you, nobody, I guarantee you that euthanization rate would be real low because most of these people just need a place to like, get it together.

[Brett]

John. I like it. I'm in. In fact, I like calling it the Toledo program. A happy place to drop your unloved ones off. Sounds like a new live abortion program without the abortion.

[Toledo]

And you go on a page and you get a list and like, this is. These are the people on the E list this week. And you don't want that picture to look bad. So you know, you got your little tie and you're sitting there looking like presentable. I'm like trying. And that means they're trying. That E list would be really very rarely used. Only in the worst case scenario.

[Brett]

This guy wants to make soylent green out of here.

[Toledo]

No, you don't make food out of.

[Brett]

Non successful E Lister.

[Toledo]

Jesus. See, I'm the bad guy. But that's. There's no ideas that are bad ideas. Except that one.

[Brady]

It's like a scared straight program extended. Get your act together or I'll help you.

[Toledo]

Yeah, I do like 60 days Pacific goes pick up the litter. Hey, look. And you know, maybe regular folks will be like, we gotta help out.

[John Holmberg]

So on Thursdays you go video dogs. On Fridays you go down the Metro Center.

[Toledo]

Go down to Metro center, go. Hey, this is Tyrone. He's. Talk to him. Tyrone. I'm sorry, I'm trying. Let's see, just trying. He just needs. He just needs a second. He needs somebody to help him out. I don't want to do no more H. I won't live on the roads no more. Yeah, there you go. And then in the Second chance program is also the guy saying, what are you good at, Tyrone? Sweeping. Okay? Anybody needs somebody to sweep stuff up, this guy will do it. And you get their stories out there. Nobody's talking to them. Nobody's getting their stories. What are you good at anything else if they're all on their own? Solutions, baby. Final ones.

[Brett]

But also, much like dogs, wouldn't you have to list medical issues?

[Toledo]

Sure, okay. Yeah. It's gonna cost a little extra to keep Tyrone at the house. He's got a thyroid problem. This guy's got dysplasia.

[Brett]

Do not forget Tyrone's meds.

[Toledo]

Right? You, I guarantee you euthanize maybe three before everybody.

[Brett]

Somebody, somebody's got to be the, you know, the pariah. What do you mean somebody's got to be?

[Toledo]

Oh, there'd be a few that probably should go. We all know that deep down, we all know a few of them probably shouldn't be with us anymore.

[John Holmberg]

Christopher says, easy sell on TV. All we need is Sarah McLaughlin do a new song and we're, we're on.

[Toledo]

Board one of them goopy eyed homeless in a cage just looking at you like, look at him. He needs a second chance for a dollar a day, for $1. And he could get that program going and start raising money and helping out and you know, that's all it takes. I'm just tired of hearing all this stuff like, we got to do something, we got to do something. Then nothing happens. Nobody's actually doing anything. Got all these empty malls, the Holmberg plan for the homeless and the E list is gold.

[Brett]

It's not weird.

[Brady]

It's pretty cool actually. No membership fees.

[Toledo]

I have heard enough of this.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, Byron, I was [e-mail]'s website. You have everything and the prices are incredible.

[Byron]

Yes sir. Mpguns.com has over 400,000 products for sale daily. Everything from firearms, ammunition, accessories, optics, clothing, decoys and more. The best part is if you see it on our website, it's in stock and ready to ship.

[John Holmberg]

Wait, there's no backorders?

[Byron]

Nope. We work with all our distributors, so what you see on our site is what's actually available. We ship all over the country, so we're not just for Arizonans anymore. If the firearm you want is legal in your state, we can get it to a dealer for you to pick up.

[John Holmberg]

Sounds simple. That's why I always go to mmpguns.com.

[Brett]

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[Toledo]

The thing that drives me every day.

[Brett]

As a dad is Dariona. We call him Dae Date for short. Every day he's hungry for something, whether it's attention, affection, knowledge. And there's this huge responsibility in making sure that when he's no longer under my wing that he's a good person. I want him to be able to.

[Toledo]

Sit back one day and go, we worked together.

[Brett]

We did a good job.

[Toledo]

That's dedication. Find out [e-mail] brought to you by the U.S. department of Health and Human.

[John Holmberg]

Services and the Ad Council.

[Toledo]

The best of the Morning Sickness is on the Air.

[Brett]

Do any of you people do any actual work?

[Toledo]

The Best of Homburg's Morning Sickness this.

[John Holmberg]

Best of HMS segment is brought to you guys by our friends over at Action Ride Shop on Gilbert Road in Southern and Mesa. Bike Snow outdoor since 1984. Whatever your needs, Action Ride Shop's got it. Check out all their gear online at actionrideshop.com or on social hashtag Action Rideshot.

[Toledo]

I got an immediate issue. This guy asked me last night. I don't know what time his meeting is, but we need to solve a problem for somebody immediately to say, holmberg, I need your help. I got into a fist fight with a guy at work who parked in my spot. He did it every day last week, man. Are parking spots tribal? They are. It is a weird.

[John Holmberg]

You're the same way, though.

[Toledo]

Completely. I have my space, and if anybody's in it, I'm like, who's the. Immediately. The new morning show across the hall there doesn't know. And they started to pile their cars into our spots. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

They hore themselves out of everywhere in there.

[Toledo]

Yeah. And they. And they.

[Brady]

And now what do they do?

[Toledo]

They've got their spots. Yeah. Everybody's moved into it, but, yeah, they just kind of drove in. But we get here before them. Right. But you start looking at like, oh, that person had to move. And nobody's happy with this. We don't have designated parking, but I've been parking in this spot for 11 years. When he was walking away, I told him, hey, that's my spot. He says, I don't see your name on it. And I boiled immediately. Told him to move his car. He wouldn't do it. He kept walking. I parked in a different spot. I got out of my car, and I ran towards him. I said, after lunch, you're moving your effing car. And he said, or what? Then we called each other names. And the next thing you know, we're on the ground right outside of work fighting. I have to meet with the bosses this morning to discuss what happened. I've been there for 11 years. This dude's been here for three. I don't know him very well. How do I win this without getting fired? I'm pretty sure we're getting canned. No one was around. It's his story versus mine. What do I do to save my job? I think this is gonna for sure get us fired. F word. F word. F word. Some of the women started saying a week or two ago that they felt like the workplace had become toxic and unsafe. There was papers and a meeting. And now we've got this. A lady went home crying after this. It was ugly. F word. F word. I'm screwed, man. Help me. Less parking lot tensions. Tensions are high. For some reason, people are. People are fragile. Michael Douglas, you know that falling down. It's so weird. What can set off anybody?

[Brady]

The trigger.

[Toledo]

Well, I mean, this guy got triggered because someone went his spot, and all it took was walking up going, get out of my spot. The other guy gets triggered and feels like he needs to start swinging. And then they're rolling around on the ground together at work.

[Brady]

And the fact that maybe things are tense at the office to begin with, right?

[Toledo]

You're bringing in all that other luggage, right? And people are just boiling. Anxieties are high. I will always blame social media to make everybody anxiety's at an all time high only because of that. To me, I think that's like, it's for every age group. It is the most unbelievably unreal thing to put your life in and then try to live a normal life outside of it and see everybody else is doing great because nobody ever posts, you know, I had a bad vacation. It just doesn't happen unless it's funny. The only option I see for you right now depends on the meeting. Let's say it's a meeting between you. Now, here's the thing you got to really worry about. If you walk into that meeting this morning, there's more than one boss in there and you're fired because that's the witness. Whenever you walk into your boss's office and there's no another person in there that has some sort of authority or at least as a notary, you're fired. That's. You hate walking in your boss's office when that second person is in there. Especially when your boss calls and says, hey, I just need to talk to you for a second. And you go in and there's already somebody in there, you're out. So that you can tell right away if you walk in and anybody but the dude you wrestled with is in there.

[Brady]

Second comes down to who threw the first punch.

[Toledo]

That comes down to who says the right thing. Brady doesn't. It doesn't come down to that because if it's he said, she said, there's no video and everything else, it can be even. It comes down to how you handle this particular moment. And there's only one way to do that, in my opinion, after having read this. You're struggling with your sexuality and he called you the homo F word. That's it. You cannot get fired because you, you.

[Brady]

Know, you see that parking space, tell.

[Toledo]

Them just say, look, I did, I did ask him to move his car. You can be truthful about the parking space. And hopefully when words were exchanged, that dude called you the homo F word. Because that's a dude thing to do. And if he did just say, look, I've been straight. And just if you want to Save your job. You have to play gay for a little while. You have to use this. It's the gay card. Break out only in case of emergency. You can't use the race card. Unless, of course, less. Yeah, if you're a black guy.

[Brady]

Got that. Go with it.

[Toledo]

Go with it, man. Run with it if you want to save your job. Now, now, if the rumor of homosexuality is bigger than keeping your job, you know, to me, that's stupid. I'll prove every woman in the office wrong if they think I'm gay. I'll show you. Plus, it's a good way to get in. Say, oh, no, I couldn't possibly. I don't even know if I get an erection for you. I'm a homosexual, but I'll try. And the next thing you know, you're boning the hot girl in the closet. Don't do that either. You're gonna have more meetings. Here's the bottom line. Play gay. Be first in. Be first off the line to say it. Because if this dude wants to save his job, he might. And he also might be gay.

[Brady]

He's. He's in on it with you. So there is a chance that. Slim chance. But nothing. It just. It happened. Confrontation.

[Toledo]

I didn't call you. I didn't call you a dude. What are you doing? It's like, I thought I heard you call me a. And I have. I. Nobody knows this. I've been in the closet for years. I'm struggling with my homosexuality. Like, then you call me that. I thought you knew something. I got. I went crazy. I want to file a complaint with HR that this guy said the homo F word second. You say the homo F word, the whole narrative of the fight changes. Nobody even cares that you guys were fighting. Now you got yourself a bigot working in the building. It's perfect. Homo F word for the win. I say that's my option if I want to save my job. Eleven years, a long time to work somewhere with, you know, it going down, like, over a parking spot. Parking spot. I can understand getting pissed off, but I'm not gonna fight anybody over one unless it's just a massive, like, mall sized parking lot. And your spot has been gold for 11 years. You know, there is a thing about parking that matters because a lot of the times, most places and we don't have it. But I'm surprised. We know have a little thing that says reserved for manager or reserve for. You know, I'm surprised Tripp doesn't have a little stick in the ground that says reserve for trip reap, he needs three spots. He's got too many cars out there now. That dude is. He's gonna get knocked out one of these days. Because if this parking lot ever filled up, four or five of his cars are sitting out there. It's like he. He stores his stuff here. But reserved for trip re. Wouldn't surprise me. I asked for that in last contract, and he just laughed. And I'm like, I'm not kidding.

[John Holmberg]

There's one coming up soon.

[Toledo]

We're not doing that. We're not putting a stick there. Nobody's trying to park in your spot. Which is true. We park in a different area of the lot. I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

I understand it, though, because Toledo and I will come in. When they first started that, those sons of.

[Toledo]

That's what it reminded me of.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man. Oh, yeah.

[Toledo]

Pricks think they can just roll in here from somewhere else, take our spots and, like, they didn't know. I mean, Al Franken had no idea you guys were designated parking.

[John Holmberg]

I think Coulier knew because he was in around the same time.

[Toledo]

Who knows? But they. You know, I can't blame them. They didn't. They just pulling and going to work. It's a wide open spot.

[Brady]

You nip it in the bud immediately.

[Toledo]

You fight the guy. You fight the guy right there. Downstairs, you challenge.

[Brady]

Lay down the law.

[Toledo]

Yeah. Fisticuffs are necessary to protect that little, you know, 11 by 6 space. This is your spot.

[John Holmberg]

Ski mask lost her spot.

[Toledo]

Ski mask lost her spot. And it's. There's been no words about it, like, we know of. Lost her spot. Ski mask has to park somewhere else now, which is hilarious.

[Brady]

But I remember we're such creatures of habit. In the old building, we would have a meeting, and around the conference, everyone would take the same chairs. Nothing was assigned, but people would go there.

[Toledo]

And then someone said, hey, yeah, you'd move them. It's mine. That's where I sit. What do you mean? It's my spot.

[Brady]

I always sit there.

[Toledo]

And the funny thing is, if it was a new person in the meeting, you'd let them know, you gotta find a different place. This is where I sit. Oh, I'm sorry. And most people are like, oh, I get it. Parking spots. But, yeah, play the gay card. I mean, that's the. I would do it in a heartbeat. I would do it in a heartbeat. You are wrestling with your sexuality. This dude said, homo effort and some other choice things. And you just. You just. You couldn't take it. And if he attacked you and said homo F word. Just say the guy called me a homo f word. And then he started swinging. After he took. All I wanted was my spot back. You're going to win this less 11 years to three years. Hopefully you're good at your job. But it's a parking spot. People lose it. The best thing. The best advice I could give you is don't worry about parking spots. But it's too late for that. It's too late for that. Now. If I worked at a place where I had to park either up front, front or 600 miles away, I won't even do that at a restaurant. Like, if the parking isn't. You know, I like. I like being. I don't. I won't sit and wait. I'll drive around and wait for a good spot before I'll go park in the back and walk. I'm not doing that crap. I just don't. It's like something will open up and we'll be fine. But, you know, Arizona is just so parking Rich. It's ridiculous if you. You have no idea until you've gone to another city what kind of situation we've got, which is just these gigantic parking lots for every. Everything's a strip mall. Exactly.

[John Holmberg]

Park somewhere else.

[Toledo]

Yeah, you. Yeah, exactly. The dude who took my spot can park somewhere else. We're parking Rich here. It's huge. Yeah, I just don't like. You know, I wait for the ones up front to open.

[Eric]

We could be inside by now.

[Toledo]

I know. And we're not. Because I'm not gonna hoof it all the way. I'm gonna enjoy my meal, and then I'm not gonna go out the door and say, we've got a quarter mile walk to the car. I want it to be right there. It's a status thing, and I don't know why. For a man, a good parking spot's a status thing.

[John Holmberg]

Absolutely.

[Toledo]

Look at the spot I got. I never hear women talk. So you're gay now. Sir, last play the gay card. And that goes for everybody who's about to get canned. If you feel the pressure. I got a friend of mine who thinks he's on the blocks. He's going anxious. Constantly anxious. Go homo. That's what I say. When in doubt, go homo. It's unquestioned now. And if anybody says you're not gay. How dare you? Trust me, I've been doing it around here for years. And it makes people uncomfortable, even if they think I'm kidding.

[Eric]

You're not gay.

[Toledo]

Ma' am. This is the type of fight my people have been dealing with for years. It's not your decision to know if I am or not.

[Eric]

Oh shut up.

[Toledo]

And you can watch them get really uncomfortable with like because you can't win it. It's an unwinnable argument. You can't. You can't laugh at it. You can't get mad for somebody saying it and you can't fight them. It is over. So Les, you play the gay card before that dude you were fighting with does. Cuz that is a thing. Then you might have to put on a show a little bit for a while and go you know just occasionally around the office mention did you guys watch my lottery dream home the other night and just kind of do some gay stuff. Maybe at the. Maybe accidentally pop your headphones out at your desk and have some dua lipa going pretty damn loud and just oh gee sorry everybody listening to dua and then plug your headphones back in and maybe he is a homosexual. Rumors are true. But Les always seemed like such a man with his wife and children. And again if you're like I'm not doing that homework then you don't really care to save your job. That's all there is to.

[John Holmberg]

Well, this guy mentioned. Well you better hope that the other guy doesn't listen too. If he beats you.

[Toledo]

Exactly. Start right away. Let me. Let me just get this off my chest first. I'm sorry for the fight in the parking lot. That was uncalled for. Not adult. I just have to say that I'm dealing with a lot personally. The man called me a race or a bigoted slur towards homosexuals. Nobody knows that this but I dabble in the PP and stand just start the whole meeting off with I love puffing on the Peters.

[Brady]

Love the D. Start off with a little thing when you walk into the office. You know you're getting the talk.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Make sure you have your. You know if you have drink coffee your coffee mug with the logo Channel.

[Toledo]

That's right, logo. Something rainbowy. Yeah, that's not a bad idea. I don't know how much time you got before you have to be to work. Maybe pop over and get yourself a rainbow. Rainbow Rainbow mug.

[John Holmberg]

Wear a Lady Gaga shirt when you walk in there too.

[Toledo]

Let's not go crazy.

[John Holmberg]

Well, how much do you love yourself?

[Toledo]

God yeah. That is. I don't love any job that much to support the Gaga. Yuck. Yeah. You know you can wear your normal Dilbert clothes to work but that rainbow cup's a good idea. Or Maybe just a subtle little rainbow flag on the bottom of your cup. And then if your boss is like, oh. And then he sees that, his eyes will go, oh, boy, I got myself a no. Manager wants to deal with that. That's a hornet's nest.

[John Holmberg]

Roll around on some sisu tree leaves before you walk in the door. I mean, it'll be perfect.

[Toledo]

Yes, that's right. Come in smelling like, and it'll be perfect. Sorry, I've just. I've had quite a night. Your fingers are a little bit. Get some of that tanner I used last week and just dip the tips of your fingers in it. Oh, God. You're gonna get promoted. By the end of this meeting, that guy's out.

[Brady]

You're promoted.

[Toledo]

Just keep whipping your fingers around it. People smell like Jesus. I know. I haven't even had time to shower this morning. I'm so messy about this whole thing. Smells like a sisu tree and his fingers are broken. We can't fire him. Yep, that's it. Good one, Brett. Coming in. If you can rub around in a sissu tree, no one's gonna question it because you're gonna smell like Charlie's at midnight on Saturday. Saturday. Good luck, Les. Thanks for the email. And I like that you turn to us for your major life problems, but you know what? I think you came to the right place, because that other garbage you'd gotten from Beth or any other chatgpt morning show would have been, you know, if.

[Eric]

You just couldn't lace your temper and. It's just a parking spot.

[Toledo]

We get it. We're men. We get it. It's a parking spot. It means something. You don't get much in the world of work. Sometimes you just want your flag planted in one little place. You got yourself a cubicle in a parking spot, and you kind of. You kind of columbused your parking spot, you know, Nobody ever gave it to you. You took it. It's yours. And you've been. This dude tried to swipe it back. He tried to. He tried to Columbus you. Now you're playing Indian, so I say.

[Brady]

But all but three in that covered parking are just. People take the same spot every day. Yeah.

[Toledo]

And it's weird. The comfort, like Brett's car has always pointed. I can see it right now pointed directly at me in the second spot from the right. And I don't know why you chose that one. And you used to work overnights. You had every. Every spot available to you, and I.

[John Holmberg]

Still took that spot on over.

[Toledo]

That's been yours since I'VE known you.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that was the. The main idea with that one was I could see the car from here. So in the middle of the night. And then it just bled over. Till today.

[Toledo]

Like, you just want that spot. That is Brett's. It is so strange. And when you leave, it becomes someone else's. After lunch. Yeah, someone else owns. It's like a timeshare. Someone else parks there after lunch. And it's every day that spot's got somebody in it. It's weird.

[Brady]

Or they take off for the weekend.

[Toledo]

Oh, it's so weird. And they leave their car. Oh, Brett will just piss himself. And then Brett's got to go in and tell. That's it. I'm a homo. I'm gonna beat the hell out of Moynihan today. Bring on the D. Yeah, and then I gotta blow a guy to prove it because I'm not losing my job. Yeah. I mean, the obvious answer. I had to tell Brady and Eric this once. All right? We're grown ups. No fighting at work. Of course, that's easy. But sometimes it does happen, and it is a very fireable offense. Like that is a. Especially in this day and age. You're not gonna get away with swinging and punching at each other at work like the olden days when men used to be. All right, break it up, you two. Now get back to work. That wasn't even a meeting. Now it's like we have to have a sit down with Susie and HR and make sure that everybody.

[Brady]

Or they'd go outside and circle up. Okay? Go at it. The other co workers watching.

[Toledo]

Yeah, yeah. Like Philo Betto's out there. The. The best part is we had another situation where this is the same thing. I didn't even think about that. Remember Tom in that meeting downstairs, lost it because someone went in a seat and he said, hey, get out of my seat. Oh, yeah, I can not see. There's plenty of seats. And he grabbed the chair and he moved, and then he lost it. And it wasn't even the people in the argument about the chair. It was the other people in the meeting that filed complaints. Like, this is. This is out of control. It's a toxic work environment. Like, everybody's looking for a day off. That's all this is. You file for toxic work if you. If you throw paperwork in that says it's a toxic work environment, and you weren't even the target of the toxicity. You're doing the same thing as playing the gay card. You're just. You're manipulating the System. Toxic work environment. There are toxic work environments, but one argument is not a toxic work hostile. It's hostile down there. It's hostile. No, it's not. This is. This is hostility to you. You have not seen Hust. You did not grow up with Dan holmberg in the 80s. You did not. You don't know what hostility is. That dude was crazy tense. So I can handle a little hostility. But yeah, there you go. Maybe wear a dress to work. Start talking about gender fluidity and identity crisis.

[Brady]

Go all in.

[Toledo]

Go all in. Use that third bathroom if you can. You can find that. I was at a place on with Doug Hopkins this weekend and they had three bathrooms. Doug was all in on that. He goes, finally, I'm home. And then he went right into that weird bathroom. Loved it. He didn't come out for like an hour. We had to go get him. Pretty awesome. Anyway, good luck to you, Les. Let us know how that works out. Because if you get fired and you didn't use my method, you have only yourself to blame. This is foolproof, my friend.

[Brett]

Hey, it's not weird. It's pretty cool actually.

[Brady]

No membership fee.

[Toledo]

I have heard enough of this.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, Byron. I heard you have something new to announce from MMP Guns, Brett.

[Byron]

I sure do. It's MMP Guns. Customs MMP Guns is creating some amazing firearms. We offer polishing, plating, bluing, custom laser engraving, laser stippling, cerakoting and performance upgrades. We do everything in house with our master trained crafts. You can select our designs or make up your own.

[John Holmberg]

Well, can you do this to my gun?

[Byron]

We can do it to nearly any firearm. Doesn't matter where you live, you can ship it to us or. We already have completed firearms in inventory daily with. No wait.

[John Holmberg]

Well, there you have it. MMP Guns on the northeast corner of 12th street and Indian School or online at mmpgunscustoms.com there's more of the best.

[Toledo]

Of Homburg's morning sickness. 98 KUPD Time for the Brady reports. Get Brady's mind off of this. Getting rooked by a shyster. The Bray report is brought to you by All Pro Shade Concepts and Shady times are on the way. High 90s shady times. Race. Throwing some shade.

[Brady]

Love that Shady.

[Toledo]

We need some. We need some more shade in the city. That's what one thing Phoenix needs more of is shade. And all Pro Shade Concepts can help you out. They've got something going on. If you've got. I got a space in my front here. I'm considering trying to figure out how to get that in there because I got direct sun. Such a nice little area to sit or be. But it's in direct sunlight. Got to get these all pro shade people on that. So I'm looking into something on that. Try to figure out how to get them over there and they'll do it right. I've seen it done. It looks fantastic. Professionally done. Not some crazy DIY job. Don't do it yourself. Get the pros involved and they can help you out. AllProchade.com is where you go. Brady reported.

[Brady]

Good Wednesday morning to you Phoenix. Hello world.

[Toledo]

Hi.

[Brady]

14% of adults in this survey said they would. They're comfortable leaving their 13 year old home alone for the weekend.

[Toledo]

If you've done a good job. That's pretty good. If you. If you have a dumb kid. I was talking to a sales lady downstairs. She goes 12 year old son is a genius. He's brilliant. She goes I got another one that's not so smart. She goes I trust him. I don't trust the other one. I think that was true at my house. I think my sister was an idiot. And when I turned 13 suddenly we were allowed to do whatever we wanted. And I know it wasn't because the 16 year old girl was there. It was because I was trustworthy.

[Brady]

It jumps up to 25% when the kid was 14.

[Brett]

I was a latchkey kid. 35, 4th and 5th grade. There was a. Not a lot. But I know of at least two nights where I was. I was home alone.

[Toledo]

We got left.

[Brady]

You also learned a lot more skills quicker.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Early on we had the electric skillet out.

[Brett]

I could do Hamburger helper. I could do.

[Toledo]

We got left alone. My mom's meals they go out for a full weekend. I think my sister was probably 13.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

That was fine. We were responsible. Wow. Because we were afraid if we did anything stupid we'd get killed for it.

[Brett]

So we were smart before I got my intellivision. So yeah. I mean anything to.

[Toledo]

I think we got checked on a couple like we'd get like dogs like we'd have a sitter come by and take a look at us. They're still alive.

[Brett]

Coworker. There was that. There was a friend that lived down the street that would either call or something.

[Brady]

And for the record 21 of the people in the survey admit that they did host a party without their parents permission as a kid.

[Toledo]

Did you.

[Brady]

I thought that's kind of low.

[Toledo]

Yeah it is. Do you trust Kirby to stay a weekend by herself?

[Brady]

Shelf.

[Toledo]

Whether she'd ceiling Tiles answer is.

[Brady]

But I, you know, right now she's 14. I think she could handle it.

[Toledo]

Would you do it, though? That's a bigger question. And the bigger reason is probably you'd be looked down on by other people, Right?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

The bigger fear is that what would other people think of you? Trust your kid or not. People will judge you.

[Brett]

And of all of us, you've got the biggest enclave. Your entire neighborhood knows you.

[Toledo]

You.

[Brett]

My entire neighborhood. I. I know Lisa's sister, brother in law in our. In our neighborhood.

[Toledo]

And Your kid's almost 18. He wouldn't trust him by himself for a weekend. That's crazy talk.

[Brady]

I'm more comfortable with it.

[Brett]

He's.

[Toledo]

Ronnie wouldn't leave her.

[Brady]

I don't think so. Yeah, maybe an overnight.

[Toledo]

You're going overnight, but not for the weekend.

[Brett]

The weekend is a lot. That's a. That's a lot of time.

[Toledo]

Well, and then. But to. We didn't have the access to the thing. Like, if our parents left, we couldn't call them. Every five minutes, every time I go out with my buddy Mark and their daughter calls them.

[Brett]

Didn't have an airtrag.

[Toledo]

And every 10 minutes, like, oh, they. We were out to dinner in Las Vegas. I was with Mark and Kristen in Las Vegas. Her daughter calls, says, hey, don't forget to remind grandma I got a nails appointment tomorrow. She's like, what? Said Grandma Wolf. At noon tomorrow, I have to be at my appointment to get my nails done. And Mark's on the phone going, well, why don't you go across the hall and tell Grandma? Because she's in the house watching you.

[Brett]

Or you have the phone.

[Toledo]

She's like, no, she just calls her parents every five.

[Brady]

All right. You're not.

[Toledo]

Oh, it didn't matter. It was insane. I'm like, take it away from her. Grandma knows. And so we called Grandma. I called Mark's mom like, hey, by the way, you got an appointment tomorrow at noon. What? Like, yeah, the kid across the hall doesn't want to come into your room just in case you're doing something. Decided to interrupt our night.

[Brady]

You remember the lady? She was a tourist in Hawaii and her GPS drove her right into the water.

[Toledo]

Yes.

[Brady]

Happened again to her. Another lady, different lady going to the same place. Rescue bar fish from in a nearby boat who seemed annoyed by the whole thing.

[Toledo]

Nice. She scared the fish away. Putting a car in the water usually screws up your day of fishing.

[Brady]

They barked out instructions to leave her car and swim to their boat.

[Toledo]

How much do you want to bet you get that black box out. And I'm not saying that I don't know her. That's not what I meant, you know, but it. Does the breakdown of what happened happen? Because I didn't know that the black box in your car will actually say when you break or downshift or whatever turn signals. What do you bet it went in the water and she put it in reverse and tried once just to gun it out. Had to bet.

[Brett]

I'll take that bet before I bet on your dunk.

[Toledo]

Look, I'll tell you this. If first off, if I drive into the ocean that I didn't see, I die that day. I just. I'm fisherman. Just leave me here.

[Brady]

Car's still running.

[Toledo]

Yeah. If I drive into the ocean in the middle of daylight, I'm doing it on purpose. That's happening. That's not. I can't make that mistake. I'll never be in a lake unless there's been an accident. But if it's just me making a right going, that seems like a lot of ocean. But GPS says this is it. Also, if my car's halfway in, and that's one. But if it looks like it's in the water and I'm bob, I'm not going. I'm not playing the rocket out game. I'm just climbing out the window, though.

[Brett]

Not rocking it out. Come on.

[Toledo]

Gotta rock it, gotta rock it. The ocean waves won't help you. Undertow's gonna push me the wrong way. And if. By the way, if you need to be rescued by a fisherman, your tires aren't touching anymore.

[Brady]

I know.

[Toledo]

So there is no so she did not go. You said to me you would too. I'm like, if a fisherman's swimming towards me to help me out of the car, I already know. First clue, logically, there's no rock in it.

[Brady]

You were deep enough in that one time at the Salt River.

[Toledo]

That was just a front end. And guess what I did? I ran like. We stopped for a second. I went to put it.

[Brett]

That's right.

[Toledo]

I went to put it. The front wheel slid in and the front of the car went. I'm like, oh, my God. I put it in reverse because it wasn't in four wheel drive. And you have to do the old cjs. I had to do the. The hubs.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

I hadn't done that yet. And slid down in there. And the second I realized that there was no going back, I put it in park and it started. I got out and started to leave. And if it wasn't for that grown man next to me because I was an idiot. My 16th birthday, I almost dunked my car in the river. First day I ran, I was standing behind it crying, settle down, settle down, settle down, little girl. Put a top on. I'm a boy. Dude, that's. My dad's gonna kill me. Oh, my God. That's a boy. Boy. I thought it was just some little girl with breast cancer. She clearly had a mastectomy at age 50.

[Brady]

Maybe I get easy kill here.

[Toledo]

Beautiful blonde hairs, tiny little are out. This is crazy. Also, I'd like to make a request that every 35 to 45 year old mother of three stop asking me for my pain pills. Evidently, that is the. That is the calling card for every mother of three between the age of 35 and 45, because God damn it if I'm not getting hit up left and right.

[John Holmberg]

You're a hero in Gilbert this morning, right?

[Toledo]

I am the. I am the sexiest man in Gilbert. I'm not even there. But all I have to do is go and rattle that little thing that says caution opioids on top. And they will. They will.

[Brady]

It's like you pulled up in a Ferrari.

[Toledo]

Oh, it is. It's the new Ferrari. And there's no fentanyl in it because it's prescription. This guy's a God. I got them here in the building. I got them outside the building. If. If there's a woman out there with more than. I'll say. Two kids is probably at one kid. They don't do the opioids yet. Two, three for sure. Mid 30s, mid-40s, that age group. They are begging me, are you gonna use all your. And it's, you know, the nice well wish, the surprising, like, oh, wow, I got a text from. Blah, blah, blah. I didn't expect that. I hope your surgery went well. You doing all right? Yeah. Yeah. Are you going to use all the pain pills or why? Well, I like to mix it with wine on a Friday. I have three kids. I'm in my late 30s, early 40s. I'm like, oh, my God, you're the 14th woman that's asked me.

[Brady]

Then you should have said you should send them all a list like the airlines on the waiting. Yeah, you know, available spot, looking for upstairs.

[Toledo]

Oh, yeah. Have a computer screen and just have the bumping people up and down. Oh, sorry. I took another one today because it was starting to ache take. So, yeah, one of them actually told me how refills work. You don't even have to have pain anymore. If you want the refills. So you want the whole bottle. I mean, you're going to get a refill. It's essentially what it was, so. And I've not had one guy ask me, not one. But I, I'm not kidding. I'm around 12 or 13. Middle aged housewives, they cannot wait for me to have some supply of opioids they can keep in their house for their dopey kids.

[John Holmberg]

Well, if you were single, you know how much you could slay on the side. Oh, man.

[Toledo]

With my, my feelingless flaccid wiener right now. My whole body is in like a numb state of nothingness.

[Brady]

That's the problem. I'm just slaying them right now.

[Toledo]

But I just, I'm crushing, but I can't feel a thing. You feel, you feel, but you know it's not normal. Oh, you could kill. I could get. You know what I could do for this is get a bunch of naked pictures of 40 year old ladies, but who wants that?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's inspired.

[Toledo]

Yeah. So. Yeah. But. Oh, it's, it's weird. It's all the emails this morning. You get to use all those. I'm like, man, oh man, the I'm on pain pills. Mating call has been released. I didn't realize the power. Yeah. On top of a mountain going, opioids.

[Eric]

He's got them run.

[Toledo]

I guarantee you just mentioning this, there's some ladies who woke up in Gilbert going the force something. There's a disturbance in the force. They are in. It's weird. So I don't have any extra pain pills for you ladies quite yet. I'm sorry. Your lives need to be be numbed with heroin and alcohol.

[John Holmberg]

You went strutting through Postinos today.

[Toledo]

Just my pocket.

[Eric]

He's got opioids in his pocket. I can hear him.

[Brady]

I can hear the shake.

[Eric]

And they're not in a bag either. They're in a plastic thing from a doctor.

[Toledo]

They're real. Yeah. They know the difference between baggy opioids and the ones that are in the actual.

[Eric]

Oh my God. It's even got the red cap to warn the kids. This stuff's legit. Show me your cans.

[Brady]

Forget him. Those are 800 milligrams.

[Toledo]

I do have two of those in my pocket right now. Two strong Tylenol just in case things start going south. There's my. That's what I got right now.

[Eric]

I get those over the counter. Amateur.

[Toledo]

Yeah, I bet you we should try that today. We'll go over to Postino and Arcadia. And I'll get my. I'll get my opioid thing.

[Brady]

That'll be the newest play.

[Toledo]

You want to see eyeballs hit you? It would be like having a dick on the table that's 8 inches long. If I put that red capped opioid thing on the table at one of those Gilbert restaurants at lunch or at 4 o' clock where it's 1:30 right before the husbands come home.

[Brady]

Manage the. The. Imagine the sound. The shaking would occur at the Waste Management open.

[John Holmberg]

And they know the difference between tic tacs and opioids rattling around.

[Toledo]

Yeah, they perk up the cicadas. We'd be eating lunch and stuff and some lady'd wander over on her hands. Oh my God. You just walk over here doing a handstand? Yeah.

[Eric]

Aren't you impressed?

[Toledo]

Oh my God. Is this America's Got Talent for my opioids?

[Brett]

Now I'm not trying to suggest anything, but let me float that rumor out there amongst the teacher people that I've got it.

[Toledo]

Yeah, right. What's some of summer?

[Brett]

It's summer.

[Toledo]

Exactly. They're ready to bog down. Yeah. Here's what you need to know about the public school system. They need 90 days off to get high. Then they can regroup and come back to your kids after a nice opioid summer. That'd be a great movie about teachers. The opioid summer. Well, yeah, I just. Stop asking me. I mean, I got probably seven this morning on my email. I didn't expect from people I don't even know.

[Brett]

There were a few on text too.

[Toledo]

Oh yeah. It's weird. And I guarantee you there. What does John do with his pills? It's women. There's no way it's a dude. Dudes know better. Get your own pills. Go have a surgery on your own. But yeah, you go shake that thing. That is the Gilbert 38 year old mating call.

[Eric]

He's got opioids.

[Toledo]

That red cat might as well just have it. Might as well just be a platinum AMEX card. Just. This is yours if you want it. No limit.

[Brett]

Like Brady said they can detect. Oh, Those are the 600.

[Toledo]

Oh yeah. They know that. They know the weight and sound. They're like little bats.

[John Holmberg]

Fake Kansas stilettos will be chasing you down Gilbert Road.

[Toledo]

I won't be able to outrun them. I got bad balance and kind of a drug habit going. I feel fine, but I know I'm not.

[John Holmberg]

You'd be prey.

[Toledo]

Yeah, I didn't take. I don't know if I'm. I'M probably not supposed to supposed to do this, but Megan ain't driving me to work.

[Brett]

I'd rather notice that today's parking himself.

[Toledo]

Yeah, I ran into the curb too. Hit it hard. I'm still a little bit cooped up. I don't think I should be driving. But it's still better. Trust me. Officers of the law and people out there, it's better than the alternative, which is that lunatic I live with driving me around. She can't drive. She's the worst at. Drove me home from the hospital. I tried to drive home from the hospital. Like, look, I know. Less than 24 hours since I was anesthetized into a coma. Give me the keys. I'm driving. You're not driving. Oh, for Christ's sake. Sure enough, bobble. Her head bobbles like she gets. She gets Parkinson's behind the wheel. The whole body starts bobbling like. You're making me nervous. Yeah. And then she's barking at me about.

[Brady]

Something along with the German shepherd on.

[Toledo]

The dash at one point. Exactly. She looks like the Yotiro Taco Bell thing. And we're driving down Bethany home, and I look, I'm like, we're going 27.

[Eric]

I just got out of the light. You see?

[Toledo]

Yeah. Like, I could be going 60 by now. Like, the gas pedal works. Like, if you push it harder, just. We're idling.

[Eric]

You're just gonna complain the whole time.

[Toledo]

Exactly. Until you let me drive.

[Eric]

You'll go to jail if you get caught.

[Toledo]

I'd rather be in jail than the prison hell I'm in. Called the passenger seat. With you behind the wheel. Worst driver in the world. Hate it. My mom. I'll say this. My mom's the worst driver in the world. She's second. My mom stops at green lights.

[Eric]

A lot of red light runners in this town.

[Toledo]

Oh, my God. You're creating a traffic problem to avoid a traffic problem. You realize the logic in this?

[Eric]

Red light runners, John. They do a lot of damage.

[Toledo]

So I always stop and look at green lights. Yes. You're gonna die. When a truck hits.

[Brett]

Does she bring up your accident when that happens? Wouldn't I kid run a red light?

[Toledo]

No. Yeah, he did. And I don't know that she knows that. Oh, she just thinks I got it.

[Brady]

I thought she knew that.

[Toledo]

Cause then it makes a right. Don't do that. What are the odds every green light she goes through has, like, you could take a left, right? Look and see somebody blazing too. Nope. We're going like 8, 9 miles an hour through Every green light. I. I don't. Riding with her is a nightmare, and she's afraid of freeways. So it's all light to light. Takes about an hour and a half to get to my house from Mesa. This is all light to light, and there are no greens. Everything's a stop sign. Sign. Oh, it's the worst. So I probably shouldn't be driving.

[Brady]

There's this dude that lived in the northern part of it, looks like New York, and he was along the Canadian border. He put in the address, put in the wrong address, which crossed him over the border. Problem is he had $600,000 in cash and $350,000 in weed.

[Toledo]

Jeez. He's doing pretty good.

[Brady]

So the Royal Canadian Mounties pulled him over.

[Toledo]

Gotta pay a tax on that.

[Brady]

Oh, the pictures of the. The cash and the giant bag.

[Toledo]

So he had a million dollars of stuff in his car.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

And accidentally went to Canada.

[Brady]

Yeah. Because he put in the wrong address on his gps.

[Toledo]

You know, when you're in Canada, if you're toting a million dollars around, you're aware of international borders.

[Brady]

Aren't there a couple along Washington that are not really.

[Toledo]

Sure. Sure. But manned? Yeah.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Oh, the. There's no fence in Washington.

[Toledo]

You could drift into Canada. I'm not saying that's not a thing.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

If I got a million dollars worth of contraband in my car, bring it up.

[Brett]

There's. There's a border crossing. You go like three miles down a dirt road.

[Brady]

Look, welcome to Canada.

[Toledo]

But I'm trying to avoid the local police. What I'm really aware of is Interpol getting involved. Yeah, Interpol. So I know where the line is. It's like Maryvale.

[Brett]

So you're.

[Toledo]

I can drift into it, but I ain't gonna do it. I know when I'm in Maryville. But you can't accidentally end up in Maryvale. You've made terrible decisions. I agree. Brett. Oh, it sickens. Brett. Yeah, Maryville scares it terrible. Starting Maryvale is the 70s bush of our town.

[John Holmberg]

Absolutely 100.

[Toledo]

There you go. It's. There you go in the Times. It's something I want to avoid. Yeah. We never get a call from anybody from Maryvale defending it either. If I say something about Mesa or whatever you don't know, it's nice out here. Maryville's like, yeah, he's right.

[John Holmberg]

We got nothing.

[Toledo]

We got nothing. We're a bush. We're an unwanted, big, smelly bush. There's another one.

[Eric]

I know you're getting all these requests for the Pills. But seriously, stop it.

[Toledo]

I just. I just reprimanded everyone for asking.

[Eric]

I really wanted you to know I asked last.

[Toledo]

Last week.

[Eric]

What are you gonna do with all those pills?

[Brett]

I've got three kids.

[John Holmberg]

It's your problem, pal.

[Toledo]

Yeah, that sounds like the glory of motherhood. I thought that was the most glorious thing that's ever happened to you. You have to heroin up to make that tolerable.

[Brady]

There's a nightclub in Australia called Walshed on Hindley and they're in hot water after a promotion where they offered women free drinks based on on their bra size. The ad on social media said the bigger the better. And that women could get one free drink for an A cup bra size. Two for a B and three for a C. Right. They encourage women to also remove their bra saying if your bra is uncomfortable, take it off, hang it up and let loose.

[Toledo]

Right. What's wrong with all this?

[Brady]

That means you as well, boys. Did they catch backlash online? People calling it misogynistic. Misogynistic.

[Toledo]

That's the word.

[Brady]

There we go.

[Toledo]

Morning sickness. Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Brady]

The ball. The bar canceled. The promotion apologized.

[Toledo]

They weren't taking hostages.

[Brady]

They claimed they never intended for people to feel uncomfortable and body shamed.

[Toledo]

Why they were.

[Brady]

They're workshopping ideas for different promotions to promote fun, safe and an inclusive environment for all.

[Toledo]

And I know the argument wound.

[Eric]

Would you have a contest for guys get a free drink if they have a 4 inch dick or if I.

[Toledo]

No, cuz guys wouldn't show up. Up. Women will show up for free drinks. Yeah, we'll just pay. They'll like. We're used to paying. You guys are used to getting freebies and little gimmicks. And if you've got an A cup and you get a free drink, you're probably little. You don't need extra alcohol. A D cup. We gotta get four in you to get you drunk. You're probably a little thick. So it's fun and it's silly. And unless they're making you do it, why do they have to apologize? Don't go if you're not interested.

[Eric]

Women shouldn't be subjected to this.

[Toledo]

Then don't show up. Like Brett says, pay with your vote with your dollar. With your dollar. If nobody showed up, it's a pay with your dollar. Pay with your pay with your cans. I wouldn't go to a measure a dick measuring free drink contest because I'd be ashamed.

[Brett]

Could it get one free drink?

[John Holmberg]

There's a shot, pal.

[Toledo]

It's basically $8 I would win. Hey, you made it past six inches. Here's eight bucks. Yeah, this other dude's over there, and he looks like the St. Paulie girl. He's got like, 15 pints. Then. Everybody knows we like boobs. A to D. Just so long as they're not gross. Sometimes a nice A cup is even better. Like if it's got nice attitude. I'm just saying that to be nice. We all know what's best.

[Brady]

There's a new rideshare app called Black Wolf. It's Uber, but the drivers carry guns.

[Toledo]

In case of the Black Wolf.

[Brady]

It's a new ride sharing app to compete with Uber and Lyft.

[Brett]

I don't think there's much competition there.

[Toledo]

Yeah, that's run by Brett's people.

[Brady]

You can live stream the up.

[Toledo]

Yeah. How you guys doing? You want to ride somewhere? Don't worry about it. Anybody gets a little froggy, Black Wolf's got it. I'm Lobo Negro.

[Brady]

They basically are using bodyguards. Drivers who also worked military background, security background.

[Toledo]

How. How precious do you think you are that you need a. Like, an armed guard to drive you places?

[Brady]

Every Black Wolf app vehicle comes equipped with GPS tracking, live streaming technology that allows our riders to share with their loved ones. Company says it's on Facebook.

[Toledo]

So potentially unstable. Veterans with military training and weapons. Weapons are driving you somewhere, and you're drunk, and you're probably gonna piss them off, and you threw up in the back of their car and they're all fired.

[Brett]

Mercenaries.

[Toledo]

You're not gonna make it.

[Brady]

Also, I guess they're trying to. You know, people are debating whether or not they want their kids to. You know, how old should a kid be to get an Uber? What if they're younger now?

[Brett]

16, I think. Alex was taking disabled.

[Toledo]

Take them.

[Brett]

It's just a matter of how comfortable they feel.

[Toledo]

I ain't just trying to make ends meet, you know, so I got to do this ride share for a little while. I.

[Brett]

What's with the tick in your shifting?

[Toledo]

You know what? There's nothing for you to worry about, passenger. It's the safest ride in all. All of Arizona, so just mind your P's and Q's back there. Would you like some gum?

[Brett]

How about some chamomile tea?

[Brady]

You said gum.

[Toledo]

I said gum. I don't like when I have to pick up Middle Easterners. It takes me back.

[John Holmberg]

But if I was in Baltimore like those other people, I'd take Black Wolf.

[Toledo]

Oh, yeah. Every day I was in Baltimore, I'd be Black Wolf. Wander around just shooting my gun at everybody. And I would be right because everyone in Baltimore is awful. Terrible.

[Brett]

Everybody clear out of the black with their sign.

[Toledo]

That purple lift.

[Brett]

And you did black wolf move.

[Toledo]

Black wolf parking. If you know what's good for you, you get out of my way right now. We got here in three minutes. It's a 15 minute drive. Black wolf is great. That is awful. Anyway, I have. You got one. All right.

[Brett]

They're throwing their white one. What's going on? They trap one rat raft trap. They're trying to get kids over to the other world.

[Toledo]

Oh, wow. By throwing.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

Just threw it one raft. Duck. And he chucks a child into another raft. And it succeeded. Like he hit it. I think he makes it, though.

[Brett]

Yeah, he makes it.

[Toledo]

Yeah. They make the throw. It's a probably 70 pound kid. They chucked from one boat to another. That's good. That's good.

[Brett]

That's a good kid. That's a guy on an olympic team.

[Toledo]

Good child toss right there. Practice that at home with your kids in case you got a big white river raft trip scheduled this summer. Good kid toss is always important. You never know when you're gonna have to throw your child. Brady, you and Kirby go home and practice though today.

[Brady]

Yeah, I need to work out a little bit.

[Toledo]

Kirby's footer's gonna be from one boat to another.

[Eric]

Leverage is gonna be a problem because I'm so low to the ground and you're human sized. So me and this guy are gonna try to toss you around. Chris Stapleton. Throw my daughter.

[Toledo]

I think. Yeah, that would be a tough one. Kirby's not gonna make it through that river rafting thing.

[Brady]

She could probably reach out to the boat.

[Toledo]

I don't see you guys going on any white river rafting adventures soon together.

[Brett]

No.

[Brady]

Why not?

[Toledo]

I don't know. It just doesn't seem like a good.

[Brady]

Age to go right now.

[Toledo]

Is it a good view or her?

[Brady]

I remember I was probably 14 when I went on my first trip down the new river.

[Toledo]

What are you doing that? Would you do it again? I don't think you would.

[Brady]

I've done it five times.

[Toledo]

I've asked you about mountain bikes.

[Brady]

Yeah, I would go. I'd go.

[Toledo]

Cuz I've said mountain bike.

[Eric]

There's no point in mountain biking. Just end up hurt.

[Toledo]

Oh, you're like. You're different now with that kind of stuff. I don't think I'd see you on the.

[Eric]

Seems like a stupid idea.

[Toledo]

Now. Let's get you out there then On a white Water adventure. Suddenly it's real.

[Brady]

No, no, I would, you know. Although I had a friend say, hey, I want to do the. Oh, it's my brother in law, jv.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[Brady]

He wants to do the Grand Canyon.

[Toledo]

The Colorado.

[Brady]

Yeah, the Colorado. For a week.

[Toledo]

That's whitewater rafting.

[Brady]

I know. I could do a day of it or something.

[Toledo]

I don't know if I'll meet you down a week.

[Brady]

You might be right on that.

[Toledo]

I don't think.

[Brady]

Because I would be. I don't think younger days I would have. Pretty sure, yeah.

[Toledo]

I mean, I'm not talking about old Brady. I'm talking about now.

[Brett]

Brad.

[Toledo]

I don't think I'm saying a weekend. I don't see you doing that. I just don't see you going and rafting for a couple days.

[Brady]

Really?

[Toledo]

Well, I don't really see you as you see yourself as that adventure outdoorsy guy now. White water raft guy. I don't see you that guy.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah.

[Toledo]

Oh, yeah. The way you act about mountain biking being like the most treacherously stupid.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

World.

[Brett]

The way you act. Yeah, I guess.

[Brady]

Concussed on a rock or break a limb on a rock in the white water.

[Toledo]

Right.

[Brady]

You know, depends on what kind of rapids you're looking at.

[Toledo]

Yeah. Maybe I'm wrong. Prove me wrong. I'd like to see you and the family out there whitewater rafting. I just see you. I think it's because of my time with you on the beach. You just didn't seem to be much of a water sand guy. That was a really eye opening experience to see you on the beach. You hated it. In fact, last night when I was watching the finals and saw Miami, I'm like, that's about where Brady melted down right there.

[Brett]

Yep.

[Toledo]

Then he walked into that gay bar and screamed at us about sand and dirt. I hate the beach. It was hilarious. We did stick.

[Brady]

I had a bum wheel that weekend.

[Toledo]

Yeah, but you still didn't make you hate a beach. All out.

[Brady]

I was hungry.

[Toledo]

I think that was more it.

[Brady]

I was more hangry than anything to.

[Toledo]

Whitewater rafting with you. Now I imagine that would be a treat.

[Eric]

I don't want stupid garbage.

[Toledo]

Yeah, maybe before. I'm not so sure. We'll take the family this summer. I'll pay for it.

[Brady]

All right.

[Toledo]

All right. Done. Go in a couple weeks.

[Brady]

Well, yeah, we'd have to. But actually it might be too late.

[Toledo]

No, no, no. I'll get you.

[Brady]

No, no, no. I'm just wondering if the water's still running.

[Toledo]

Oh, it's running to do it.

[Brady]

And it was always in April.

[Toledo]

Going to a good one too. Too.

[Brett]

Oh, Verde Valley is still running good.

[Toledo]

We're going to Washington. I'm not screwing around here. We're gonna do some good stuff, right? It's white water. It's white water. None of this, you know, stream.

[Brett]

Columbia River Gorge, the Snake. Go to Idaho. Snake River.

[Toledo]

I want to see you.

[Brady]

I jet boated up the Snake.

[Brett]

There you go.

[Toledo]

Ned Beatty and John Voight. And you squeal like a pig. Yeah, I want to see that kind of rafting. That's what I'm talking, by the way. I'm not that guy. I don't know why you're so macho about it. I'm not doing it. That seems stupid. Stupid, by the way. Well, you're trying to be Mr. Big Dick over there, but no, that's stupid. You see him throwing that kid from one boat to another. I don't know what they're doing. It's all chance. I'm not getting on that boat.

[Brady]

It's not gonna happen on my raft.

[Toledo]

Yes, it is. You're a moron. Yours is gonna go faster than everybody else.

[Brady]

Kirby, throw me.

[Toledo]

Yeah. This is stupid.

[Eric]

I got a big set of balls. I'll do it.

[Toledo]

I don't know what you're being so machismo over here.

[Brett]

Hey, it's not weird. It's pretty cool.

[Toledo]

See, no membership fees. I have heard enough of this. The rest of Homburg's morning sickness. This is the big Red radio.

[John Holmberg]

This Best of HMS segment is brought to you by our friends over at momani pond on 12th street and Indian School in Phoenix. Short or long term collateral loans from $10 to $100,000. No credit needed and top dollar paid. With the entire process taking just six several minutes. Check them out [e-mail].

[Toledo]

This is good stuff right here. You guys are gonna like this email in a big way. I got this yesterday and I was like, oh, this show just sometimes gets gifts. I wish Brett was in the room for this. But we'll talk. I'm sure he's listening. Says, hey, home bird. Which is always a thing that we're in trouble. But he doesn't get us in trouble. He just. It's. It's a touchy message. You're gonna probably get shingles. Listen to this. This is a stress and do something. Let me tell you something. And I know I'm going to get slammed at least by Brett Brady. You're just gonna hate what I have to Say it's gonna make your stomach churn this morning. Meaning yesterday you talked about Amber Montoya. Is that her name?

[Brett]

No, Rose Montoya.

[Toledo]

Rose Montoya. That's what I thought. He said, Amber Montoya, the trans person who went topless at the White House. You said you were fooled, John. Completely fooled. I would be completely right. He says, I can. I'm a person who can speak from experience. I was at a house party with my friends in February. There was a girl there that introduced me to her sister. Sister was a tall, leggy, and completely done up woman. Looks like she just came off a modeling shoot. I mean, stunning, beautiful. Everybody's drinking, we're having a good time. I'm talking to the tall model, which is out of my league. And we had a lot in common. Both big fans of the Dolphins, and she knew her stuff. You can see where this is going. So a couple days later, I called her up and I said, hey, you want to go grab some dinner? She said, yes. Only problem is that I'm only 5, 10. I show up at the door, she's 64 because she's in heels and looks better than she did at the party. But she's taller than me. I can deal with that. This woman is striking. We end up back at my house after dinner. By the way, I'm 46, fresh out of a divorce. I'm new to the dating thing. She's only 26. I'm sitting here figuring out, has it been this easy the whole time? Why does this like me? So I make my move and we're kissing on the couch. Now I'm down, up and down. That body I go. I went south. No differences. Especially to my ex wife's miserable, unmaintained cabbage patch. This thing was remarkable. We did it three more times that week before she started making reference to the fact that she used to be in my locker room. She said after I said, what are you talking about? She said, you know, right? I said, I don't know what you're talking about. She said, I thought my sister told you that you knew my situation. Then she explained it to me. At first I was mad. Didn't talk to her for a few days. Then I realized that was the best time I've ever had. A week later, I'm back in there, man. And honestly, it's the best sex of my life. That manufactured joint is just as good, if not better than all the natural ones I've had. What? Disgusting. It says. I say, I always tell people, would you be mad at someone if they got great fake boobs, it's the same thing. I never thought I'd be in this situation, but I am. And it's incredible. And the best part is she's a Republican. She hates her own. She can't stand how pushy her tribe has gotten. She complains about them all the time. Think of this.

[Brady]

This.

[Toledo]

You got your best friend's dude brain with great girl parts. Hardly used. It's awesome. I'm a changed man and so is my girlfriend Justin. Justin got in there and he's telling us, you don't know what you're missing. To town you go, Brady. To town.

[Brady]

I, I didn't get sick on that.

[Toledo]

No, no. But you would never consider this.

[Brady]

Love conquers all sound like Love sound.

[Toledo]

A lot like brand new vagina. Vagina is less than 10 years old. It's not good. But it's also attached to a body that's 26. So. Yeah, you're not sick.

[Brady]

Changed all the way out.

[Toledo]

If you. Oh, no, there wasn't a dangler. I think a guy would have noticed that. You're big on that. Like you're, you're very confused by the when does it go away part. You always bring that up when we.

[Eric]

Talk about do they still have it or is it a thing?

[Toledo]

Yeah, they go. You go all the most. Let them go all the way. Full on inversion.

[Brady]

Yeah, that's when I get my stamp of approval, you know?

[Toledo]

Okay, so you don't respect. I'm with you. You don't respect just the top surgery. If you're going to carry both, you're kind of. You're. You're him and Han. You're living in the middle too much.

[Brett]

Yeah, I'm just concerned about do we still use the term transvestite? And what does that, what does that apply?

[Toledo]

I think it's safe to just say trans.

[Brett]

Trans.

[Toledo]

That's what I.

[Brett]

Gender means. You're trying to change.

[Toledo]

I don't know. We go through this all the time. None of us know. We look it up.

[Brett]

We forget trying to find out.

[Toledo]

Just say trans. Why? Just situations. Because we always, we, we do it, we figure it out and then a week later, none of us remember.

[Brady]

Because I don't think you ever get corrected when you say trans.

[Toledo]

Right now, there's a place by my house that when you go in, everyone in there is kind of like Brady's nemesis. They're 50. 50, they're 50 Cent.

[Brett]

They haven't committed.

[Toledo]

Top half's there and they're proud of it. It's pushed up. Usually in a bra. It's like up to their throat. But there's still something going on down south and there's that. But on the thing when you try to check out reprimands you about pronouns, there's a sign that says use the proper pronouns or you're getting kicked off of here. I don't know proper pronouns by the English definition or proper pronouns by like what you think they are. I don't know what anybody is.

[Brett]

I thought you weren't allowed in the swizzle anymore.

[Toledo]

It's not swizzle in. Swizzle in. I don't do my business to swizz. But they don't have any signs in the swiz. Everything goes. It's Swiss. Especially putting a, you know, cleanser in your drink like they did me. Yeah. So there's a sign there that makes me go, I'm uncomfortable now. Like I'm going to get shingles. I don't like this. This is uncomfortable because now, like if I. If I say hey and I think I'm doing right, isn't it my intention? But they have a sign up that says use them proper. Or else I'm like, oh boy, oh boy. This guy says your listener Justin is a sick pervert. Sign. Nathan Sutherland. Oh, man. Aiden, who is our trans listener? This is a really Elliot page complaining about, let's call it bullying or gay bashing. I've had worse things said to me to my face. Get over it, dude. Jesus. Now he's saying he got shingles from CIS men. Shingles is like a dormant virus from the chickenpox. Scientists don't know what activates the virus, but stress is a factor. So if you got stress, it doesn't matter what you're around, you're gonna get it. If I want to be associated with this new Alphabet group, John, I don't know when. Sometimes they're just too much. That's right.

[Brett]

You've always had that with groups though. No matter what they are, you just stay away from them.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[Brett]

You don't understand them.

[Toledo]

Yeah. This guy says men and women's restrooms don't matter. It's just a different elevation of urination. It's a good point.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

Not wrong. You know the biggest thing about bathrooms isn't men, women or otherwise. It's. How about you clean up after your. Don't leave it a big mess when you piss all over the place. Towel her down. I don't know how that gets out of control. If you leave floaters, hang around in the stall for a second. Give it a second. Double flush. Those are power flushers. They've got like £6,000 of pressure in the flush. It should go if you've got stuff bobbing back up. If you get a couple popcorn shrimp that didn't make it all the way, don't be cruel to the next person. Don't leave toilet paper laying all over the place.

[Brady]

You're at the ASU afternoon football game and you have to dump. Poor timing.

[Toledo]

Yeah, right. You should have planned your day.

[Brady]

But go in there, they're just stacked.

[Toledo]

And those people are like sometimes you can't help it. Then go home, you're sick. You're not allowed in a public pool. You can't be at the ASU game.

[Brett]

John, I gotta say, after hearing Justin's story, I sure hope his new girl guy friend has the male income part because he's gonna need it.

[Toledo]

Why? Because I don't know what that says about Justin. Thinks that this new lady is gonna cost him a fortune.

[Brady]

Gotta be in earner.

[Toledo]

I don't know how much those cost. It sounds like the work's done. Hopefully there's no loans on that, right?

[Brett]

Take out a loan, There's a payment plan.

[Toledo]

Take out a loan on your new vagina. Probably have to most of the time. Yeah.

[Brett]

Cuz you got to put a deposit down, don't you? On major surgeries like that. Did you have to pay for yours up front?

[Toledo]

Well, I don't know if we have. Mine is insurance, so you have to pay the deductible up, right?

[Brady]

You know what's nice about that letter is that he, he didn't know. That's how good it was.

[Toledo]

He had no idea. And that's what he went down there and still didn't know. Three or four times. She had to kind of allude to the idea that she might have had a he didn't know. Jim Jeffries has a great line about that because in that special where he says if I could get a surgery that made me stop hating myself, I'd do it. It's a good point, but the problem is is that it's very confusing. Using Brent says just Justin. Just remember, next time you're pounding away at that brand new showroom vagina, think of the term docking, cuz that's what you're doing. All right, so what? Oh, it feels good. All intents and purposes, Justin's got a smoke show 26 year old supermodel on his arm and he wants to just kind of ignore the one reason why it happens happen. Big deal.

[Brett]

Say the same thing about that fleshlight. You have just different terminologies.

[Toledo]

Make you feel good. That's different. But sometimes I do turn the flashlight inside out. But that's. I gotta wash it. That thing's gooey. It's sticky.

[Brett]

Is it a.

[Toledo]

Like, it carries, man, you gotta. You gotta spin that thing inside.

[Brett]

Is it like a Japanese picture show? On how to. Describing how to do it.

[Toledo]

I didn't read the instructions. I went right to town. I think I'm gonna go through the pamphlet when I break out the study. Yeah, I've got this. The synthetic, almost lifelike anus. Let's read the instructions on what I. Now I know what to do with it. The whole insert A into B and then the cleaning part. I probably should have thumbed up to page eight.

[Brady]

That's how Toledo gets busted. What are you doing?

[Eric]

Reading the instructions, you pervert.

[Toledo]

I had to know I was using it properly. Yeah, you get a prosthetic anus.

[Brady]

You can fix. I think this goes here.

[Toledo]

French, Spanish. Ah, screw it. I'm going in. It's got that first page, like, when you open the box. You should have these parts. I do the big fake butt. I got that. Insert penis. Yeah, that's what I thought. Okay, I know what to do. I get it from here. Morning sickness etiquette. Can you PD Holmberg's morning sickness?

[Brett]

John, I'm not buying Justin's story. Should have known it was a dude from jump. His first sentence was, an interesting girl. Please give me a break.

[Toledo]

Well, that's true. A good storytelling lady on day one is a hard one to find. And she's into the Dolphins. And her favorite player was, like, Mark Clayton. Like, wait a minute. You know too much about the dolphins.

[Eric]

I don't go back too far, but I remember I was a big fan of when Kareem Abdul Jabbar used to run in the late 90s.

[Toledo]

You had to be four years old.

[Brady]

Oh, I was a boy girl.

[Eric]

I mean, back in my boyhood days.

[Toledo]

I get it. I see. You're hilarious. She's joking around about, like, tomboy tomboy days. That's all that vagina says it's natural. You get blinded by the heat. This guy said, justin story just gave me shingles. I'm suing kupd. This dude sounds like a CIS man likes to be manhandled by a chick twice his size. Huh? Just think about this, though, when you're doing your thing there. Remember the little man in the canoe used to be a mushroom tip. So Good luck with that. All right. Why are you trying to ruin Justin's love story?

[Brady]

Let him be in there and he didn't find it that way.

[Toledo]

The best sex of his life. It's weird. It's a great story, though. Thank you, J. Justin, for sharing that. I enjoy that kind of stuff.

[Brady]

I think it's still together. It sounds like.

[Toledo]

Well, it's February. Oh, you know, it's still relatively honeymoon phase. And, you know, sometimes the mesh might break and you might bring one out. You see the. The inner workings of the. The Wang strips that'll come out in the. Laid out like a car wash hanging out. What a world.

[Brett]

What a world.

[Toledo]

I was in a. Imagine saying that I was in this room of negroes and I developed shingles immediately. The meanest thing in the world to say about any group of people. But Elliot Page puts it in her book, and everybody's like, so brave. So brave. I'm just not brave. That's just you not dealing with your own things properly and trying to blame other people for making you uncomfortable, when essentially it's you not being able to talk about it that's uncomfortable. And I get that point. You're walking around very upset. That makes sense. But don't start saying CIS men can give you a disease. Shingles shows up. Larry had shingles. I don't know why. My dad had shingles once. He's like, my aunt had him so bad at Thanksgiving, I didn't eat.

[Brett]

It's a virus.

[Toledo]

It's herpes.

[Brett]

Comes and goes.

[Toledo]

It's part of the chickenpox, and my aunt had it. We were at Thanksgiving once, and she was. My aunt was probably in her early 70s, and she's like, oh, sitting down like, what's going on, Joan? I got shingles. I'm like, oh, I hear that's horribly painful. She lifted her shirt to show me her lower chest and stomach.

[Brady]

It's like Philadelphia.

[Toledo]

Oh, Philadelphia. AIDS would have been a treat compared to what I saw. You know when fish get that scale rot and it's just everything on the outside of them is blood.

[Brady]

Her.

[Toledo]

Her. It was awful. It was just a. It was. It was an 8 by 11 inch size rectangle of her. Looked like her skin had been torn off and she had it there. And she goes, I'm not even gonna. If I lift my shirt more, I'd show you. My whole back looks like this. And I'm like, what are you doing? I didn't want to eat. I was so sickened by her oozing, weeping, giant sores that I was. And I felt terrible.

[Brady]

Stone's disease.

[Toledo]

Yeah, her. Her pain was immeasurable. And I said, how'd you get this? And she said, hanging out with Mexican. I'm like, oh, that'll do it. A group of people that made me uncomfortable. That's not what causes shingles at all. Get your shingles virus shot today or not. I've never had that one. Although they say when you're over 50, you're supposed to get it.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

And shingles does kind of scare me. I don't mind dying. I don't want to be in pain. Shingles look like it hurts. That doesn't look like any fun at all. Anyway, to Justin, our listener of the day, firing over that amazing story. He and his girlfriend with her brand new, refurbished. You know, it's like putting a new engine in an old car. Now, if you were fooled, Brady, and had spent three nights with this thing and then found out, would you stay?

[Brady]

I think so, yeah.

[Brett]

Feeling as good as Justin did, I'd stay for round four.

[Toledo]

Now I'd stick 100% off. Yeah.

[Brady]

Like that's a successful conversion.

[Toledo]

Would you have done it in the first place had you known? That's the bigger question, y' all. He demeans it. He's not sticking around. This is. This is all. That's what I say. It's all PC coming out of his mouth right now. Because when these mics. Gloves, like, I just can't gross.

[Eric]

What is it? To go inside? Or how do they do it? Does he still have one?

[Toledo]

I gotta see it, but I don't want. And if the person came up to you and was striking and everything in the beginning, and the sister said, it's my. It used to be my brother. Now it's my. You wouldn't give. Would you give it a chance?

[Brett]

Oh, you mean.

[Brady]

Probably not.

[Toledo]

Probably not. Right.

[Brady]

Even if I knew beforehand, she's a.

[Toledo]

Huge Ohio State fan. She's like a Buckeye super fan. You start talking about stuff, but in your. In your mind, you know, this used to be a guy.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

But if you didn't know and you dive into the honey hole three or four times, then you know, and then you find out, would you. Would you stick. Okay. I don't think.

[Brady]

As long as there's no kissing, I'll do everything else.

[Toledo]

I think your issue would be your family, because I think if.

[Brady]

Yeah, like, hey, you know what?

[Toledo]

Yeah, she's tall.

[Brady]

She's tall. And.

[Toledo]

And she might start getting open with it and start telling your family I don't think you'd want that. Yeah. I don't think you could handle your sister and those phone calls. Because they'd come.

[Brady]

Yeah, no, my. Actually, my sister would be all right.

[Toledo]

You think?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

You think she'd be all right with you dating after.

[Brady]

A couple of her friends that have.

[Toledo]

Yeah. But digging in. Brother 1 Transgender, the religious side. No, she wouldn't be violent.

[Brady]

Brother wouldn't say anything.

[Toledo]

Your brother wouldn't care.

[Brady]

No.

[Toledo]

He'd laugh at you. But that's.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Nothing now.

[Toledo]

But he'd remain pretty quiet. Yeah.

[Brady]

I don't have to worry about that half too easy. But that's why I said.

[Brett]

Rob would say.

[Toledo]

Would have said. It would have been a better way to say that. But, yeah, I'm with Brady on that one. I believe Torp's just going to be mum on this.

[Brady]

Can't stop a moving train.

[Toledo]

Whatever you want to do there, boy. And then you're. But then would you think about Torp looking down on you while you're, you know, performing? We were having a buffet on the old former. Dude.

[Brady]

I don't know. Oh, no, not really.

[Toledo]

And, you know, I mean, the new mushroom tip is right. Yeah. You wouldn't. I don't think you'd do it. I think.

[Brady]

I don't know.

[Toledo]

I think once the reveal happens, it would be.

[Brady]

It would be tough. I understand where Austin's coming from.

[Toledo]

Justin. Justin.

[Brady]

Yeah, everything's just hitting for him right now. He's also coming off a divorce.

[Toledo]

Yeah. He's confused. You say event is.

[Brady]

Timing was just right.

[Toledo]

I want some pictures. Justin, let's see you and your lady out on the town, please. Great. Yeah. Six, four. This person says, I don't know if this is for the Dolphins. Somebody hates it. Said. As a Patriots fan, I am appalled by this story for other reasons. Those people do not deserve any enjoyment. Talking about dolphin fans, they're in the same division, so. That's very funny and I agree. Dolphin fans should never, ever have the best sex of their life. If. If dolphin fan has the best sex of its life, it should be against dolphin fan's will. That's what I say. It could be something forced upon them. Hate the dolphin. They've been so irrelevant for so many years. It doesn't matter. There's a lot of people chiming in about this thing. This guy said, dude, get the shot for shingles. I had it on my head and face sucks. See, that makes me want to get that shot because that's where I'd get it. I can't read these out loud. This is terrible. Best sex of his life. What kind of pig was this dude married to? And how long. How many mini. How many women has he been with? The Brady Report has to deal with stuff like this. Find out more facts. Where you been? I've been around.

[Brett]

Let go of your previous.

[Toledo]

I do need to know that, Justin, how many women have you been with where this is is the best sex of your life at 46? Yeah, yeah. John De Pascali's right. He said the best part of that story was how he ended it. He's got a good sense of humor. I'm a changed man, and so is my girlfriend. That's very funny. That's a funny line. All right, this guy's got medical advice. I just started listening a few minutes ago, but I'm assuming he nailed a tranny. Anyway, her new vagina has to have a dilator on it to keep it open because the body otherwise sees it as a wound and will try to heal it. It's only as deep as that guy was long. I know too much about this stuff because people keep talking about it. There's a dilator on it. Can you hear it? Oh, you hit me in the servos. Oh, hold on. I'm overheating.

[Brady]

Or does it open like a. You know, a camera lens that circular?

[Toledo]

I don't know. Maybe there's a string, like opening blinds and stuff. Anyway, the world's gone crazy. I don't have. I don't have a lot in touch with society anymore. I'm just. Sit back and watch. I just want to watch tiptoes, hang around, enjoy some food, get up. By the way, Otis has emailed in and says after a vaginoplasty, people do use a vaginal dilator to stretch the canal, keeping it open for purposes unknown. Following surgery, people may need to dilate twice each day for a minimum of 15 minutes, preventing the loss of vaginal depth and width. So you got that to stew over your egg McMuffin this morning, and he.

[Brady]

Was fooled by it.

[Toledo]

Why is not like you have to hit buttons. I think there's.

[Brady]

I think it's like a garage.

[Toledo]

I think it's Chamberlain. It's just like what I have to do right now. Brady for horsepower motor. No, it's not. You got a little button in the car hanging on the sunshield. The. It's like me with my shoulder right now. I don't have full mobility. In order to get it, I have to do little exercises, and then eventually it Kind of heals up with those exercises.

[Brett]

I like Brady's method of a clicker on the nightstand.

[Toledo]

Right. Well, that's probably easier. That's the get. That's what Brady would do because he did the surgery on trade. So we got the low end of the. But right now it's like I have to sleep with a pillow between my chest and my arm. Yeah, it's the same thing. So they have to stuff like a ketchup bottle in there to keep it open. So it gets used to that so it doesn't heal. It's like, you know, having an earring and an earring hole.

[Brett]

It's like having gauges in your ears.

[Toledo]

Right. You gotta keep them.

[Brett]

You can take them out.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[Brett]

For short periods of time.

[Toledo]

Right. But at first you can't because your body will try to heal it. So. So that's what a dilator is. Not a button that makes your body go ready for penetration. Closing shot. I love.

[Brady]

I do.

[Eric]

I don't like it being real, so I kick it at where its nuts used to be.

[Toledo]

Why would you change what God gave you and stuff?

[Eric]

It's like the beginning of a Bond movie. See a little silhouette of James in there?

[Brady]

Seal lock.

[Toledo]

Yeah, I don't think there's a button that would. That would be a tell. If the dude. If Justin didn't recognize that she hit her craftsman every time she had to. Open up.

[Eric]

Hold on.

[Toledo]

What was that?

[Eric]

None of your business. Go to town, boy.

[Toledo]

You got it, sister.

[Brett]

This texter says John. Although I should probably address this to Brady. I'm a 48 year old truck driver and a. A sexless marriage. I mean sexless. I get bored on the road, let me tell you. Oh, I've seen some things and then some.

[Toledo]

I don't want to know the answers to that. Wow. Right?

[Brett]

Truck stop squishing.

[Toledo]

That dude moved balls out of the way.

[Brett]

Yep.

[Toledo]

It's lonely on the road.

[Brett]

He's got his own clicker, Brady. Let's put it that way.

[Toledo]

I got my own. It's universal. I'll dilate you.

[Brady]

Thanks. Day one.

[Toledo]

Yeah. Crazy.

[Brett]

So help me out, John. That dilator is like a kind of like a wedge. Just kind of squeeze it in there. Maybe a shim is what we're looking at.

[Toledo]

I think of it less as a shim and more of like the thing you put in dress shoes when you're not wearing them.

[Brett]

Ah, the tree.

[Toledo]

Keep it safe. Yeah, that's. Yeah, the tree. Yeah, it's the shoe tree. It's a vagina tree. You just kind of keep it in there. Keep it kind of in shape so it doesn't try to. It doesn't collapse or heal.

[Brady]

That kind of thing keeps the wrinkles out, right?

[Toledo]

Yeah. Next time you need to use it, it's ready to go. That's all. That's all you need. You put it back in the box up on that top shelf. Dust them. Cedar. Get a little cedar in there. That's a nice. That's. I have the cedar ones, too, for my Ferragamos. That's. And pop them out, man. Why don't I wear these more? And then you put them on. You realize why they're.

[Brett]

John, please play along with me. I just told my dad to listen to the show because my brother Justin's email is on the radio.

[Toledo]

Oh, no.

[Brett]

My dad is freaking out thinking that that is my brother. My brother's not really happy with me right now.

[Toledo]

Justin have a new.

[Brett]

Dad's blowing up his phone.

[Toledo]

Justin have a new tall girlfriend. That would be perfect.

[Brett]

He says, by the way, just for context, my brother Justin is still happily married.

[Toledo]

Okay. Never mind posing on the side. But dad's worried about it. It's an awful lot for a guy his 70s to wrap his eyes around. Come on, tell me you're not doing this stuff. And then emailing radio stations, talking about dick strips and holy cow, you're fooled by that.

[Brett]

You've opened up the trust tree this morning, John.

[Toledo]

Good. John.

[Brett]

I gotta say, best BJ I ever had was from a gay dude. He offered. And I figured my life would be so easy if I was bi, so I took a chance. Thousand times better than the best from a woman. Had to watch straight porn on the Oculus one here. He performed just to kind of get through it. Yeah, just a one time thing. And now I know. And now I know I'm 100% straight. Well, you're not 100% straight. I'll give you 99.

[Toledo]

98. You missed two on the test. You're down to a 97.

[Brett]

Yep. You're not perfect.

[Toledo]

You got. You got an A plus, but you're. You're not 100% straight. You have a. You have a stain on your record. Well, you do.

[Brady]

Big.

[Brett]

That's one way to put it.

[Toledo]

What's this here? You said you were 100% heterosexual. And there's a blowjob from a man in here. I was looking at chicks on the Oculus.

[Brett]

You'd do it.

[Toledo]

Still a guy blowing you. We're gonna have to dock points. We heterosexuals. Have to dock points for every time you've had a blowjob from a man. I mean, that's. Sorry. It's just our. The way we work around here, their policy. Anyway, the world's gone bananas. I love every second how crazy everything's gone. I think it's fun. Smile, laugh, wander through. You see somebody struggling in which bathroom to use, just giggle at them and walk by. What's going on? I don't identify with either of these. Well, guess what? You're gonna piss your pants. That's how the world works. So you better pick one quick. I don't want to pee my pants. Then there's two options here. You know what? Make it easy on yourself and just kind of choke down one and. Yeah, to have a four minute. Like, I don't like being in this room. No one likes being in a public restroom. It's not like we go in there going, I'm a man and I identify with the men's room. And I love it in here. I'm trying to get out of there as fast as you are. I don't want. When I used to wear flip flops a lot, I hated the ear.

[Brett]

Another one in denial. Maybe.

[Toledo]

This guy says it's not gay to get your. I think it might be. I think depending on. Falls under the umbrella.

[Brett]

By who?

[Toledo]

That's under the umbrella. Definitely gay adjacent. I'm all for you having a good time, but that's gay adjacent.

[Brett]

I don't know if it's the same.

[Toledo]

Guy or not, but yeah, that dude's trying. He's got a platform. He's screaming, and he's not the same guy. This dilator is news to me, though. I learned something today.

[Brett]

You're gonna make me Google it, aren't you?

[Toledo]

No.

[Brady]

Yeah, pull up a dilator. I want to see how close it is to a garage door.

[Toledo]

Also, you can use toys, like, from Fascinations or Castle to. Evidently you can use those things to keep it moving.

[Eric]

It's just.

[Toledo]

Actually, it's gauges for your ears. You're right, Toledo. It was exactly that. Putting a gauge in. You just got to keep it open or it'll close on its own. Like a pierced ear.

[Brady]

Too much of an opening.

[Toledo]

Well, for you. For you. That person wants it. Then you're sizing. It's like a. It's like a baseball and a new mitt. You put a softball in there. You got too big a mitt for baseball.

[Brett]

Speaking of new mitt, you start small.

[Toledo]

There's the Highlanders. You work your way up oh, my goodness. It looks like a Crayola made these. Why are they all different colors?

[Brett]

Because you got a color association.

[Toledo]

Oh, it goes thick.

[Brett]

I'm in. Starts with purple stage.

[Toledo]

I'm now. I'm now. Is that Roy G. Biv? Am I looking at rainbow appropriate? They get the purple, then blue thickens up, then greens looks the same as blue. And then the. That red one at the end. They're squared off.

[Brett]

Yeah, they're all just a little bit.

[Toledo]

Maybe they dissolve. That could be. Maybe you shove that in there and it works through your night, and then by the morning it's gone. And you. I don't know how any of this works in a night.

[Brett]

Nine inches deep, boys. So there you go. There's your other question.

[Toledo]

No threat from me.

[Brett]

Nope.

[Toledo]

Don't worry about me bottoming out on that. If you've got that, congratulations, enjoy. Blacked.com. now.

[Brett]

Now, the ones on the right side are two thirds, so six inches maybe. Those are more preferred.

[Toledo]

That's like beginner stuff.

[Brett]

Well, look at the. Look at the first one, the little tiny part.

[Toledo]

I don't even know what you're doing with that. That's. That's post surgery. Like, that's just. Because that hurts right out of the shoes. You gotta put that one in, like, day one and go. Ah, you're still on the opioids with that one anyway. Wow.

[Brett]

I had no idea.

[Brady]

Like your own chef with his own knives.

[Toledo]

That's right. Yeah. You got your own set of knives. You carry on like a.

[Brett]

There you go. There's.

[Toledo]

There's your. There it is.

[Brett]

There's a flowchart.

[Toledo]

The drawing of it. Sure enough. That's how it works, huh?

[Brett]

Bingo.

[Toledo]

Here's the photo. There's the anatomically correct drawing of what? I'm. What's the thing on top there?

[Brady]

Yeah, it's like a tail. Is that a tail?

[Brett]

That's a penile scrotal skin tube.

[Toledo]

Oh, they gotta hang on to that for a little bit, huh? Yeah.

[Brett]

Skin graft is taken from the scrotum and attached to the end of the penile skin tube.

[Toledo]

I don't get it.

[Brett]

Most of the urethra is removed. The rest is spread open like a book.

[Toledo]

It's also strange.

[Brett]

Wow. We are educated.

[Toledo]

Yeah. No, I agree. You're not getting this. On the Beth show. She's probably got one of them. Maybe she's probably. She probably is more educated than anybody on how to manufacture a vagina. This guy says, how about this new game show? Is it gay? You put men through things. And if they enjoyed it, does it make them gay? Says, seriously, if you're in a dark room and someone was doing that to you and you found out afterwards it was a guy, does it make you gay? No. Then Wayne goes on to say, I've received amazing oral from men. Why are they so good? Think about it. Girls say they love doing it, but after you marry them, that changes. But gay men really do love that thing. And their performance proves it year in and year out. Wow. All right, Wayne.

[Brett]

Committed. Wayne.

[Toledo]

Wayne likes dudes giving him the goods. It is true. The male mind different when it comes to the sex. Because after a lady gets to a certain age, she starts seeing it as, like, unnecessary. Or they get. And that's the truth. I don't know why not all of them. But you get bored with it or it's not that important to you. Guys never have that. If they do, something's wrong. That's why we're always. When, you know, we're always being accused of being teenagers. Our whole act like, yes, it is. And by the way, with you, the great answer to is that all you want? If it is, I wouldn't be here.

[Eric]

Is that all you want from me?

[Toledo]

If that was the case, what am I doing here? This is the only thing I think about. Why am I with you? We do it, like twice a year.

[Eric]

Yeah, but is that all you want?

[Toledo]

Yeah, but I'm being nice. If you think that's all I'm about, why am I hanging out with you?

[Brady]

Father Metzger's getting way more action than me.

[Toledo]

This Wayne guy's getting it from dudes on the street, having the time of his life. I gotta fight with you.

[Eric]

I can't believe you want that again. What are you, a child?

[Toledo]

I don't think children like this. Go ahead, do your job. I treat it like Belichick. Do your job. Fact that. Arg. Ladies, you gotta stop that argument. Argument with guys. I got friends who deal with that all the time. She thinks I'm only here for the sex. You guys do it a lot? No, we haven't done it in months. Then it's a simple answer to are you only about the sex? If that was the case, why am I still here? Evidently, I can get by without. I don't want to. Anyway, different story. Be like Wayne. Go to a truck stop and explore the world of the rainbow. I'm not gonna do it. It's gross. Yeah, Lover boy's on the mix. Perfect. Perfect. The lover boy is also the nickname of Justin's girlfriend. Hey, lover boy.

[Eric]

Hi, Justin.

[Toledo]

If I had a trans girlfriend, I'd call her lover boy. I'd have to. I'd make like. It would be a laugh riot at our house with me constantly bringing up the obvious.

[Eric]

Stop talking about it.

[Toledo]

Come on. You let that elephant walk around the room and not bring it up every day. It's hilarious.

[Brady]

I just re reverse it around. She beat bud.

[Toledo]

You'd be. Yeah, cis like with a C. Yeah. Okay. All right. You got lover boy ready. Very excited about lover boy and I don't know why.

[Brett]

John, I have one question for Justin. Can you please respond back with.

[Toledo]

With.

[Brett]

Hey, does it shrink when it gets cold in the pool? Just like a guy asking for a friend.

[Toledo]

I don't know. That's a good question. If you put some ice on it.

[Brady]

Everything makes sense that it would contract.

[Toledo]

Does it, Dr. Bogan? Yeah. Yeah.

[Brady]

I'm going to say yes.

[Toledo]

Such a wide swap.

[Brady]

Cold water.

[Eric]

I'm going to say everything point points to yes. If you had Camp Lejeune's water, was it cold?

[Brett]

It's not weird.

[Toledo]

It's pretty cool, actually.

[Brady]

No membership fees.

[Toledo]

I have heard enough of this. Cease and desist at once. The rest of Homeburg's morning sickness. This is the big red radio. But we were. We were went to Toca Madera, which he talked me back into because I had a experience there once. And he's like, let's go back. I'm like, okay. So we went back, had a nice night. We both noticed though and talked about like. And everybody I talked to has noticed this. This isn't an age thing. It is a. It's just a. It's across the board that, you know, nobody can find good help. They say that it's hard to find good. No. Like restaurants are hiring 14 year old kids. They're starting to level like we can hire a fortune if your kid wants to be here. We just. We just want. Want bodies in the building we can hopefully get. And there's this strangeness that's dead face strangeness to about 80% of the people that work at Toca Madero and all the other places that I go which are like this emptiness of when you ask them for something, they look at you like, huh. English. It's. There's no one home. Can we get another thing of water here for the table? Sure. And not two minutes later that same person will walk right by the table without water, without any. Have never liked it blanked out of their brain.

[Brady]

It's the medication.

[Toledo]

It is. They're all medicated, there's something wrong. And. And the reason why is nobody with a brain needs to work. It's the same thing as when Hooters or Twin. What are those. Was it Twin Peaks? Those. Those places open the first month. It's the, it's amazing. Like it's the hottest thing you've ever seen. Like models and gorgeous people. And then a couple weeks later, like it trickles down to the ones that are like, I don't need to work quit. And there's a couple of hot ones left. And then, you know, they go through that weird phase after the first two months of opening of that two months of the ones that need the job, that are willing to wear the clothes and then they fizzle out. And then it kind of.

[Brady]

Ones that get it make bad.

[Toledo]

Yeah. The ones that understand I can do this. But now only sortie. Here's why it's tough. Only fans exist. And last night I watched tables. Now, this place isn't cheap, right? And I just remember thinking to myself when I was 20, because there are a lot of tables of girls in their 20s on a Wednesday just decked out like clubbing decked out. And I'm like, man, they, they had to start getting ready at 3 o' clock and be ready for dinner at 6 or 6:30. And they look like they are going to the mo. They're the Met Gala. They're going to. They're just piled on a. It's Wednesday. So I'm sitting there and every single thing that happened at about nine tables, photographs. And I'm like, that's because when I was 20, I couldn't afford that place. There's no way I could have. Even the clothes they had on, I couldn't afford. But they, they're going there because they can. I don't know how afford it was.

[Brady]

Maybe two, two or three times a.

[Toledo]

Year, if you're not thinking about it. Yeah, if you're lucky, you're going to a place like that once a year. I mean the bill is going to be close to a thousand dollars if you're having drinks and there's three of you. So it's. Yeah, that's 350 bucks a person, I'm guessing because they're getting the specialty drinks that come out and they light them on fire and they're probably 70 bucks each. They had a couple of those. Just keeping your eyes on it. You're like, how are they affording this? And then I. And then the second I'm thinking that I Get a news alert of a lady who sold her. She got into debt and sold her bodily fluids on only fans and got out of debt. She had $30,000 in debt. She's a millionaire medical student. She dropped out of school. She's like, I'll never make this much money as a, you know, physician. She's making like $11,000 a week selling now just her spit because she can't keep up with the other secretions. Dudes are buying it at a. She was $29,000 in debt, American money, like 13 in. Or British money. And she's like, well, maybe if I just started to sell spit. And with the idea that this is like lube for loneliness. Guys, instead of using like some concoction out of a tube, you just pour my spit in your hand. And dudes were doing it.

[Brady]

Yeah, line them up.

[Toledo]

Yeah, this. She just. It just broke the other day. She's like, yeah, I finally quit. She's a medical student, just quit her job, and her name is Leticia Jones. She's very pretty, but she's a larger pretty. Like, she's one of those sexy, big girls, but not fat. She had a side hustle selling her excretion. Yeah. Her spit and bodily fluids. Yeah. Her sweat. She got to get a little extra weight so she can wipe some sweat off and then wring out the towel. She wanted to graduate with her parents. She wanted to be a doctor. She's like, I think I had Dr. Before my name when I was a kid. I thought that would be awesome. It started as a fluke, and now we've been doing it for a couple years. She's 22. She said I did only fans. And through that I got weird requests for my shower water, which I'm like, okay, that's. I don't know how you do that. I did a lot of research, dug deep in the industry to fulfill the unusual requests. And then it turned into like, how about some spit lady? She started spitting in cups, 300 a vial. She couldn't keep up with demand. She was drying out.

[John Holmberg]

All right, what's this broad look like?

[Toledo]

She's pretty good. Oh, I just punched the button.

[Brady]

She's gotta have Instagram.

[Toledo]

That's pretty good. And she's a bigger lady. Yeah, but she's not fat.

[John Holmberg]

But she's not like Ashley Graham.

[Toledo]

No, no, no.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I was worried about.

[Toledo]

Her big cans make it. Sometimes girls with huge boobs look bigger than they actually are.

[Brady]

And she's in the uk.

[Toledo]

Yeah. She's British, good looking. Stuff, but spitting in there. And you know, she's like, I thought it was a joke at first when they said that. And then I realized once I sold it and it was technically, well, she was selling them to guys in Australia first. Like they seemed like that was the coach because it's easier than only fans because you got to take so many different pictures. She goes, so I won't get out of bed for less than 10 grand now a day. 10 grand. So I'm like, well, there you go. That's how these whores are affording thousand dollar dinners when they're 21 years old. They're onlyfans in themselves. And the ones who are afraid to onlyfans are waiting tables and they're too dumb. So they're just the one girl struggled to find like where the glass landed. It was this slow thing from the, her hand to the table, just a thing of soda. Actually it was a Diet Coke. And the hand just kind of hovered over the table like she didn't understand the table wasn't gonna. And then she kind of slammed it down on that. Look, there it is, there's the bottom. And she just looked at me dead faced, no words, and walked away. I'm like, what just happened? That took you almost a minute.

[Brady]

Like a rough moon landing.

[Toledo]

Yeah, it looked like when the SpaceX tries to find its target, it was this weird kind of like, where's the table? And like, that's why there's nobody able to help. People with a brain are like, why would I ever leave the house when I can sell my swampy spit? I'd do it. Why wouldn't, why in the world would you go hump it busting, busting your ass waiting tables? I mean, when, you know, you sit at home and take a picture of your beef and get 500 from Weird Australians who are whacking off with some lady spit in a vial.

[Brady]

On top of that, I still have room on my credit card.

[Toledo]

Right, there's that, but man, that's one meal you're not getting. Mom and dad must be paying for some of it. But yeah, you watch when you're like, there's no good places to get like service. Like there's some places that still pride themselves in it, but you'll, you'll notice that it's not nearly what it was a while ago. Like, I had a waiter just come to the table, just stare at us like, hey, what's going on? Do you work here? Does anybody want to drink? Like, oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize we were bothering you at your job, Bob.

[Brady]

You're right about the drifting. Even though, you know they'll walk by and just like, there's a fear of, ah, I don't want to go by there because they'll ask me to do something.

[Toledo]

It's an antisocial thing. They don't know how to communicate. It's the screen nation that's starting to kind of mix in with the non screen people of the last. You know, people in their 30s and plus are really struggling with people 25 and lower. Because the 25 and youngers have had screens. Screens their whole life. They don't have personalities. Not at all.

[Brady]

And the majority of the stuff can get delivered to you.

[Toledo]

Well. And. Yeah. And they don't understand how come you need to see me to do stuff. Like, doesn't food just show up? And I think it's because there's parents going, you're gonna work, and they make them go do stuff. But it's weird. It was this blank, medicated, everybody's. Everybody's on something kind of thing. And then you get like a waiter. Our waiter was fantastic. He was like in his early 30s. This kid got it. He's like, hey, how you doing, everybody? He's socially understood interaction. Then everyone around him is just kind of like this weird Instagram picture come to life that's just like, you want what? We get some more salsa. Sure. And the next time we see that guy, he's just wandering by the table like, there's that guy we asked for salsa for. They just wandered around not doing a thing with a jug of water. I remember when I was.

[Brady]

Maybe they don't mean it.

[Toledo]

When I was away, I supposed to do something. I think when I was a waiter. When you'd forget, making eye contact with a person you forgot was like an immediate reminder. Ah, crap, I forgot your drink. I'll be right back. Yeah, you just made it a priority twice. We asked this man bun, hey, dude, no, no big deal. But we forgot the salsa last time, okay? And he just leaves. Never, ever bring salsa. Never. Yeah, okay. And all he did was wander around with his water. I think he had one directive. The manager's like, you fill water glasses, okay? If anybody asks you for anything else, ignore them. God damn it, Jimmy, you've got one job.

[Brady]

Let me find someone that can get you some salsa.

[Toledo]

This is this salsa. No, Jimmy, that's water. You want that? No, I want some salsa. I don't have that. Okay. You got to know where it is, though. Right. I'll be right back. And he comes back with more water.

[John Holmberg]

Should have left and went next door to ocean and forgot about.

[Toledo]

Well, you know, the food. I'll tell you this, it was a spectacular experience last night. Sounds like it. Well, no, it's just. You can't help but notice that we're tolerating that now. It used to be good service was kind of an expectation and now I think we all kind of. We've set our. We sat back and gone. All right, we understand that we're not going to get what we used to get. And it is weird. Like it's, everyone's struggling, it's. And you hear managers, I can't find good help. And you don't realize it until you start paying attention. And like what? I can't. Like nobody's any good at this anymore. Can I help you? Yeah, can I get this, this and this? Sure. Gone. Where'd he go? Then he comes back again. Has anyone helped you yet? It's you. You did. You were just here. I had a guy come to me in Vegas that comes to the table and he clearly had forgotten everything we ordered. So we're sitting, me and Craig gass the table. The guy comes back and he goes, he goes, did you get your appetizer? Like, no. Okay, well, I didn't ring that in. Right. I didn't want to overwhelm you. You don't want to overwhelm us with food at the restaurant? That's a good idea. Probably the best move you've ever made.

[Brett]

Megan goes, we're not overwhelmed.

[Toledo]

Like, okay, well, I just wanted to make sure you guys were pacing, looking out for us. The reason we came to the restaurant was to pace a foodless experience as long as we possibly could. And then eventually you'll, you'll creep out. And then he goes, and the appetizer, like, did you get the, what was it? Did you get the scallops first? I'm like, you don't remember what we got? Cuz you didn't write it down. Yeah, it was crazy. So good luck out there. But it was very strange. So. But yeah, but I mean, look, if I could quit my job selling my spit, I'd be buying vials and I'd be selling spit. If I didn't have to wake up at four in the morning every day to, to do this and I could, I could equal this pay selling spit. I do it.

[Brady]

It's only one place that I know that is still a, a machine when it comes to service. I mean, it's just Hillstone.

[Toledo]

Oh, Hillstone is a. But they. There's. If you notice, there is no one at Hillstone that's under like 35.

[Brady]

Exactly.

[Toledo]

There's no one there that's.

[Brady]

You're going to get.

[Toledo]

You're going to get the best service platoon. I totally agree. But you, you try to hip up your restaurant with some youth. These chicks and the. And the bad thing is Tokyo Madero, like got a look. It's pretty.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

And it smelled like a fire in there for a little bit. And a fire alarm went off and I'm like, this is going to be the most gloriously pretty stampede you've ever seen in your life. These. There's going to be heel marks on everybody's foreheads. It's going to beautiful. But they've got pretty people. I imagine the turnover is ridiculous. They have six hostesses because, you know, that one couldn't handle the charge of people coming in. So we got six of them up there at any given time. There are five just standing up there doing nothing, looking great.

[Brady]

It's like, could you imagine if you put that system, the Hillstone over there.

[Toledo]

Oh.

[Brady]

And double their sales.

[Toledo]

We'll implement it with the hot 35 year olds. Good luck. Yeah. These dead eyed. It's. You know what it reminded me of? And this is an old man thing. Those Robert Palmer videos where he had those girls in the black dresses that were just kind of zombie women going back. That's the whole stack of Toka Madera. All the girls are kind of these zombies there. The lights are on but you're not home. Do you want some water? Well, you came out of the TV from a Robert Palmer video. Look at YouTube it, kid. You know how to do that. But that said the waiter was awesome. It was just so strange. We all kind of. Everybody said it like, you know, it's weird. Now you go places and it seems like half the staff is drugged out of their brains. Yeah. So you got to go places where pride still exists and work ethic and stuff. You're not going to find that with anyone under the age of 25. It's not happening. They're just waiting. Just like, why are you asking me to get a call? Amazon. They'll bring it to you. That's a good point, kid. I got to go spit in a jar. I make $11,000 a day so weirdos can jerk off with my spit in Australia. There you go, Brad. The whole Toca Madera staff is banned and they look a little more lively the Whole weird thing about this was I remember this video coming out and everybody's like, this is misogynistic. Like, he's drugged women and he's got sex zombies. Oh, great song.

[John Holmberg]

So this is the. This is the host staff.

[Toledo]

It's all of them.

[John Holmberg]

Nice.

[Toledo]

And then you'll see one hard worker and they stand out like they're on fire. There's a girl there that's just gorgeous. The tattoos all over her body, which is beautiful. And she busts her ass. Like, that one's a hard. Like she's killing it. You can ask her for stuff. And she most like 80% of the time, she's gonna bring it, which is.

[John Holmberg]

That's good numbers.

[Toledo]

Really high numbers for the youth of that staff. But our waiter was incredible. He was great. And Doug Hopkins new thing is to tell waiters to come up to me in the. Like, he'll go to the bathroom and tell a waiter, go, hey, go over there and say, aren't you Dave Pratt? Pratt? And I always laugh. So my new thing is to have waiters look at him and go, hey, I know your TV stuck, Hopkins. You lowballed my grandma and stole her house. You mother. Don't say that. Don't make them say that. I'm like, don't tell me. I'm Dave Pratt. Prick. And then we hug and we have a great night. It's fun. That was great. It was a lot of fun.

[Brett]

It's not weird.

[Toledo]

It's pretty cool, actually.

[Brady]

No membership fees.

[Toledo]

I've heard enough of this. Do not listen to this while driving or when full alertness is needed. The best of Holmberg's Morning sickness. This is the big Red radio. It's time now for the entertainment drill. And it is brought to you by our friends over [e-mail] the Home Tactical Black Self Defense training. And they've got themselves their seminar, which is. These seminars are unbelievable. And they take you literally. That thing from being a sheep to a sheepdog happens that day. And then you start realizing all the things you can do at school. It's unreal. It's a. It is an education. It is less a workout and more of an education. It's like going to a college and you graduate from level to level and realize what you're capable of. It's a pretty great deal. And they teach you all that. Plus you get in great shape while you're there. ReactDefense.com is where you need to go. It's the Home Tactical Black Brady Entertainment.

[Brady]

Harrison Ford Got a couple of stories of people that were on the set, a couple of stunt guys that were on the set of Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny. They said he got upset on one scene when stuntman tried to help him get off his horse. Harrison said, what the f, man? Just let me be an old man that gets onto my horse.

[Toledo]

He's a crotchety 80 year old Indiana Jones.

[Brady]

He says, I don't want you effing making stuff like that.

[Toledo]

No, he can't be seen getting. He can't be Indiana Jones and need assistance off the pony.

[Brady]

And the other thing, if, if you run into Harrison Ford and you want to piss him off and, and get that similar response.

[Toledo]

Who doesn't ask him who won a fight?

[Brady]

Who would win a fight between Han Solo and Indiana Jones? Evidently he gets that asked a lot.

[Toledo]

The answer is Han Solo. He's got a blaster.

[Brady]

No, the answer Harrison will give you is fu.

[Toledo]

Yeah, but Harrison can give me that. But if I really want to have that debate in my head, I think Han Solo wins that every time. I mean, Indiana Jones could quick draw, but he went to the whip first most of the time. And Han Solo always went blast.

[Brady]

Yeah. Revolver against the laser blaster.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[Brady]

No chance.

[Toledo]

In fact, I would say that even Han Solo, unless it was a dead head shot from Indiana Jones and that would be a sucker shot, like an Alec Baldwin move. He'd probably survive the shot and throw the, you know, the blaster at Indiana Jones is gonna lose that fight.

[Brady]

Jude Law plays Henry VIII in the new historical thriller Firebrand. He decided to really embrace the role and he wanted to smell just like Henry viii.

[Toledo]

How long did he not bathe?

[Brady]

He smelled awful. And according to the other castmates history and all the documents written about the times because he had Henry 8th had leg ulcers. So basically that smell of blood, sweat and fecal.

[Toledo]

Ew.

[Brady]

Jude Law said that that would be my next band if I.

[Toledo]

Blood, Sweat and Fecal is pretty awesome. So he didn't wipe his ass properly.

[Brady]

So he found a perfume specialist who made a concoction that mixed the odors of blood, sweat and fecal matter.

[Toledo]

What specialist is that?

[Brett]

That's your one client.

[Toledo]

And how long you've been waiting for your door to a client? Blood, sweat and fecal. Can I help you? Yes, I need blood, sweat and fecal. Well, I'm your man.

[Brett]

We're playing with Vomitory later tonight.

[Brady]

Yeah, he said he read that we.

[Toledo]

Could replace skulls with different shapes of poo. Just giant, huge giant. Just on your Album cover. Toilets.

[Brett]

And at least have my interest.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[Brady]

He said he read several interesting accounts that you could smell Henry three rooms away. His leg was rotting so badly and he hit it with rose oil. Ultimate Classic Rock. Put together a list of classic rock covers that are not good. That went terribly wrong in their opinion. I disagree with a couple, but. Dancing in the Street. Mick Jagger and David Bowie.

[Toledo]

Horrible.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

That's terrible.

[Brady]

Purple Haze. The Cure.

[Brett]

Great.

[Toledo]

What?

[John Holmberg]

I remember hearing that.

[Toledo]

Stop it.

[Brett]

I like that version.

[Eric]

Purple Hair is all in my place.

[Brett]

On the Stone Free cover album.

[Eric]

Little things just don't sing the same.

[John Holmberg]

There you go.

[Brady]

Excuse me. A couple more. Curious, because I. I don't know if.

[Toledo]

I've heard the Cure.

[Eric]

Well, I kiss the sky.

[Brett]

It is not Friday.

[Toledo]

I'm in love all of my bones.

[John Holmberg]

Skip ahead a little bit.

[Toledo]

I can tell you who did Purple Haze worse than this Winger. I don't know. It's actually not a bad version, but unnecessary as this. Bring on the clown. Sing her in, for Christ's sake. I'm not wrong. Am I wrong? Good version. I don't know why. Excuse me while I kiss the sky. I'm hearing it for the first time. I'm guessing how the clown would say.

[John Holmberg]

The thing I will give them, though, is they. They made the song their own. It's not a direct copy.

[Toledo]

They made it. A clown singing? Yes.

[Brady]

Limp Bizkit.

[John Holmberg]

That's an amazing cover.

[Toledo]

I disagree.

[Brady]

I think that's Behind Blue Eyes. Limp Biscuit.

[Toledo]

That one's kind of. That is.

[Brady]

Sound of Silence Disturbed.

[Toledo]

That's awful. I agree that that's one of the worst I've ever heard.

[Brady]

Sweet Dreams. Marilyn Manson.

[John Holmberg]

I just.

[Brady]

I disagree with that one.

[Toledo]

I think that's a great song. Both ways.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Absolutely.

[Brady]

Do you think I'm sexy? Paris Hilton. I'll agree with that.

[Toledo]

Yeah. That was a mistake.

[Brady]

Let's creek bop Rob Zombie.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

I don't remember that. That doesn't sound like it would be good. I want to hear the Cure do it.

[John Holmberg]

There's Zombie.

[Toledo]

I hate here. So it's not punk. No.

[Brett]

You say unnecessary. Let's go. Let's go.

[Toledo]

I want everything to be the Cure.

[Brady]

Saturday night's all right for Fighting Nickelback and Kid Rock.

[Toledo]

I don't want it.

[John Holmberg]

Hear that.

[Toledo]

That.

[Brady]

This is one I'm curious about. You shook me all night long Seline Dion.

[Brett]

Shut up.

[Toledo]

Hang on.

[John Holmberg]

Give me a second.

[Brady]

Anastasia.

[Toledo]

Come on. That's AI, right?

[Brett]

Anastasia.

[Toledo]

Yeah. AI did that. That's not real.

[Brady]

It's this.

[Toledo]

Is somebody around with A computer. Hey guys, I just made the Titanic lady sing this. Check it.

[John Holmberg]

I can't find it.

[Toledo]

Getting good ACDC being covered by Celine Dion is intriguing.

[Brady]

They put the I'm A Believer by Smash Mouth on there too.

[John Holmberg]

Terrible.

[Toledo]

It's a bad. They ruined my house. I told you that. Cuz they did the 35th. 35th anniversary of hot Wheels and Hot Wheels. My wife at the time was working with Hot Wheels marketing and Smash Mouth was in my house when I came home.

[Brett]

Was their hook for that.

[Toledo]

They were going to sing the song. Oh, they were going to make a song. They actually did a. They did a kind of. It was similar. Like we use a pipe. Hot Hot Wheels All Stars. Like, oh, you're reverting.

[John Holmberg]

Well, they already done by that time.

[Toledo]

It was 2002 or three. Yeah, I got a cool. So they weren't huge Hot Wheels out of it.

[John Holmberg]

They weren't on the casino route yet.

[Toledo]

No, but they didn't have anything after.

[Brett]

They weren't on the barbecue festival.

[Brady]

They did distract a number of. I mean they did some, I don't.

[Toledo]

Know, stuff for Shrek, I think.

[Brady]

I thought they did a couple other commercial tunes that might have been right.

[Toledo]

On the heels of a Shrek.

[Brett]

They were cashing in.

[Toledo]

Yeah, that was the I'm a Believer time. And I was like, oh, and then I want to hear Seline Dion doing AC dc.

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna have to search for it.

[Toledo]

All right, now we'll wait. Do that at home. All right. I'm about 15 minutes away from my next dose of heroin. That should be fun. Everybody.

[Brady]

Jonesy.

[Toledo]

That's right. Middle aged ladies with three kids. There may be some left in the end, but I will be selling it. I will not just give it away.

[Brady]

Check the standby list.

[Toledo]

Oh, this is going to make me feel like I'm on heroin. Oh no. You know what it reminds me of? The exact, exact minute a karaoke night's over. This lady who can sing wants to do AC dc. Let's go. Yeah. I don't want that ever again.

[Brady]

Woody Allen saved someone's life in a diner in Manhattan.

[Toledo]

Was it a child I'm liquor wait maneuver.

[Brady]

He got up. 87 year old Woody got up and saved his friend. Was this person had to been tiny but ate a piece of pork. Woody snapped into action.

[Toledo]

I have a feeling Woody was a kid in public. Don't worry, it's just a Heimlich maneuver. He's choking. He's choking on your man. Get it out of there.

[Brady]

At the table was his Wife. Soon Yi and Alan. Dershowitz. Dersowitz.

[Toledo]

No.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

Close.

[Brady]

Dershowitz.

[Toledo]

There W's or V's. Try again. Dershowitz.

[Brady]

No.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

No.

[Brady]

Dershowitz.

[Toledo]

He hates the Jew.

[Brady]

I. I know the guy.

[Toledo]

Oh, do you? It takes you eight times to say a name of a guy. You know? Is he a mermaid, too?

[Brady]

He's a mermaid.

[Toledo]

This child is in desperate need of someone behind him. Thrusting heavily Woody. I think he's choking.

[Eric]

I'm fine.

[Toledo]

Make him stop. That's what chokers would say. That's exactly what a choker would say. Let me just. Here, let me try to. I'll dig it out of his throat with this.

[Eric]

Woody, get your.

[Toledo]

Out of that kid's mouth. Oh, Soon Yi, I need your help here. Eiffel Tower. The boy, he's dying.

[Brady]

Last little thing is the American Film Institute made a list of the 100 Great Greatest Movie quotes of all time.

[Toledo]

I'll be back. Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.

[Brady]

That's number one.

[Toledo]

That is number one.

[Brady]

Yep.

[Toledo]

There's no place like home.

[Byron]

No.

[Brady]

That gave.

[Toledo]

That's not on there.

[Brett]

We're not in Kansas anymore.

[Brady]

Not that we're not in Kansas anymore. Is number four.

[John Holmberg]

Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.

[Toledo]

That's Brett's afi.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, mine's a little different.

[Toledo]

Brett's afi. Just because it's bends in a vowel your guys. May the force be with you.

[Brady]

It's in the top 10.

[Toledo]

Top 10.

[Brady]

That should be number eight.

[Toledo]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. We gotta do it.

[Toledo]

Okay.

[Brady]

Number two.

[Toledo]

Adrian. Yo, Adrian. I did it.

[Brady]

You're talking to me.

[Toledo]

All right.

[Brady]

Taxi driver. Number nine. Fasten your seatbelts. It's going to be a bumpy night.

[Toledo]

From All About Ease.

[Brady]

May the force be with you. Number eight. Number seven. All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close up. Yep.

[Toledo]

Joan Crawford.

[Brady]

Number six. Go ahead, make my day.

[Toledo]

Oh, yeah. Solid.

[Brady]

Number five. Here's looking at you, kid. Casablanca. Toto. We're not in Kansas anymore. Number four. Number three. You don't understand. I could be. I could have had class. I could have been a contender.

[Toledo]

Oh, the Waterfront.

[Brady]

Yep. Number one. I'm.

[Toledo]

I'm gonna get you.

[Brady]

Make him an offer he can't refuse.

[Toledo]

I'm gonna get you, sucker.

[John Holmberg]

You must be one of them Crenshaw.

[Toledo]

Mafia mother that would Give me the gun. Trey. It's the number one quote in movie history.

[Brady]

I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse.

[Toledo]

I have AFI just threw a curveball at us. And the number one was.

[Brady]

That was number two.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, okay.

[Toledo]

Yeah, the number one one was when he got those. Come on, Brandy, give me them skins. He's trying to bang Brandy on the floor.

[John Holmberg]

This is your mother.

[Toledo]

So you gonna give me them skins or what? Trey, this is your mother. Who this? I gotta watch it again. Who this? How come the number one one is like Morgan Freeman saying, the Andy Du frang crawled through 400 yards of the foulest filth and come out smelling like a rose?

[Brady]

Could be in the top 100.

[Toledo]

It has to be. I want to see that list now. That's got to be great. Call it from no country for Old Men. So good.

[Brett]

Quarter.

[Toledo]

Yeah, quarter. No, the quarter for the old man. For the old man. Call it. I don't know what I'm betting, though. Call it. I don't know what I'm putting up. You've been putting it up your whole life now. Call it that.

[Brett]

Weird. It's pretty cool, actually.

[Toledo]

No membership fee. I have heard enough of this.