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John Holmberg
You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.
Brett Brady
The rest of home bird's morning sickness. This is the Big Red Radio.
John Holmberg
This Best of HMS segment is brought to you by our friends over at Mo Money Pond on 12th street and Indian School in Phoenix. Short or long term collateral loans from $10 to $100,000, no credit needed, and top dollar paid, with the entire process taking just several minutes. Check them out online@momoneypond.com this is good stuff right here.
Brett Brady
You guys are going to like this email in a big way. I got this yesterday and I was like, ooh, this show just sometimes gets gifts. I wish Brett was in the room for this. But we'll talk. I'm sure he's listening. Says, hey, Holmberg, which is always a thing that we're in trouble, but he doesn't get us in trouble. He just. It's. It's a touchy message. You're going to probably get shingles listening to this. This is a stress inducing thing. Let me tell you something. And I know I'm gonna get slammed, at least by Brett Brady. You're just gonna hate what I have to say. It's gonna make your stomach churn. This morning, meaning yesterday you talked about Amber Montoya. Is that her name?
Toledo
No, Rose Montoya.
Brett Brady
Rose Montoya. That's what I thought. He said Amber Montoya, the trans person who went topless at the White House. You said you were fooled, John. Completely fooled. I would be. Completely right. He says I can. I'm a person who can speak from experience. I was at a house party with my friends in February. There was a girl there that introduced me to her sister. Sister was a tall, leggy, and completely done up woman. Looks like she just came off a modeling shoot. I mean, stunning, beautiful. Everybody's drinking, we're having a good time. I'm talking to the tall model, which is out of my league. And we had a lot in common. Both big fans of the Dolphins, and she knew her stuff. You can see where this is going. So a couple days later, I called her up and I said, hey, you want to go grab some dinner? She said, yes. Only problem is that I'm only 5 10. I show up at the door, she's 64 because she's in heels and looks better than she did at the party. But she's taller than me. I can deal with that. This woman is striking. We end up back at my house after dinner by the way. I'm 46, fresh out of a divorce. I'm new to the dating thing. She's only 26. I'm sitting here figuring out, has it been this easy the whole time? Why does this like me? So I make my move and we're kissing on the couch. Now I'm down, up and down. That body I go. I went south. I. No differences. Especially to my ex wife's miserable, unmaintained cabbage patch. This thing was remarkable. We did it three more times that week before she started making reference to the fact that she used to be in my locker room. She said. After I said, what are you talking about? She said, you know, right? I said, I don't know what you're talking about. She said, I thought my sister told you that you knew my situation. Then she explained it to me. At first I was mad. Didn't talk to her for a few days. Then I realized that was the best time I've ever had. A week later, I'm back in there, man. And honestly, it's the best sex of my life. That manufactured joint is just as good, if not better than all the natural ones I've had. What? It's disgusting. It says, I say, I always tell people, would you be mad at someone if they got great fake boobs? It's the same thing. I never thought I'd be in this situation, but I am, and it's incredible. And the best part is she's a Republican. She hates her own. She can't stand how pushy her tribe has gotten. She complains about them all the time. Think of this. You got your best friend's dude brain with great girl parts. Hardly used. It's awesome. I'm a changed man, and so is my girlfriend, Justin. Justin got in there and he's telling us, you don't know what you're missing. To town. You go, Brady to town.
Brady
I. I didn't get sick on that.
Brett Brady
No, no, but you would never consider this.
Toledo
Love.
Brady
Love conquers all.
Brett Brady
Brand new vagina. Vagina is less than 10 years old. It's not good, but it's also attached to a body that's 26.
Brady
So you're not sick, but changed all the way out.
Brett Brady
If you. Oh, no, there wasn't a dangler. I think, Yeah, I would have noticed that. You're big on that. Like you're. You're very confused by the when does it go away part. You always bring that up when we.
Justin
Talk about, do they still have it or is it a thing?
Brett Brady
Yeah, they go, you go all the most. Let them go all the way. Full on inversion.
Brady
Yeah, that's when I get my stamp of approval, you know?
Brett Brady
Okay, so you don't respect. I'm with you. You don't respect just the top surgery. If you're going to carry both. You're kind, you're. You're him. And Han, you're living in the middle too much.
Toledo
So I'm, I'm just concerned about do we still use the term transvestite? And what does that, what does that apply?
Brett Brady
I think it's safe to just say trans. That's what I.
Toledo
Gender means. You're trying to change.
Brett Brady
I don't know. We go through this all the time. None of us know. We look it up.
Toledo
We forget trying to find out.
Brett Brady
Just say trans. Why? Just sit. Because we always, we. We do it, we figure it out and then a week later, none of us remember.
Brady
Because I don't think you ever get corrected when you say trans.
Brett Brady
Right now there's a place by my house that when you go in, everyone in there is kind of like Brady's nemesis. They're 50, 50, they're 50 Cent.
Toledo
They haven't committed.
Brett Brady
Top half's there and they're proud of it. It's hushed up, usually in a bra and it's like up to their throat, but there's still something going on down south and there's that. But on the thing when you try to check out reprimands you about pronouns, there's a sign that says use the proper pronouns or you're getting kicked out of here. I don't know proper pronouns by the English definition or proper pronouns by like what you think they are. I don't know what anybody is.
Toledo
I thought you weren't allowed in the swizzle anymore.
Brett Brady
It's not swizzle in. Swizzle in is. No, I don't do my business with. They don't have any signs in the Swiss. Everything goes in Swiss, especially putting, you know, cleanser in your drink like they did me. Yeah. So there's a sign there that makes me go, I'm uncomfortable now. Like, I'm gonna get shingles. I don't like this. This is uncomfortable because now I like, if I, if I say he and I think I'm doing right, my. It's. Isn't it my intention. But they have a sign up that says use improper or else I'm like, oh, boy, oh boy. This guy says, your listener, Justin, is a sick person. Pervert. Sign. Nathan Sutherland. Oh, man. Aiden, who is our trans listener, says really? Elliot Page complaining about, let's call it bullying or gay bashing. I've had worse things said to me to my face. Get over it, dude. Jesus. Now he's saying he got shingles from CIS men. Shingles is like a dormant virus from the chickenpox. Scientists don't know what activates the virus, but stress is a factor. If you got stress, it doesn't matter what you're around, you're gonna get it. If I want to be associated with this new Alphabet group, John. I don't know when. Sometimes they're just too much. That's right.
Toledo
You've always had that with groups, though. No matter what they are, you just. You just stay away from them.
Brett Brady
Yeah.
Toledo
You don't understand them.
Brett Brady
Yeah. This guy says men and women's restrooms don't matter. It's just a different elevation of urination. It's a good point.
Toledo
Not. Yeah, not wrong.
Brett Brady
You know, the biggest thing about bathrooms isn't men, women or otherwise. It's. How about you clean up after your. Yeah. Don't leave it a big mess when you piss all over the place. Towel her down. I don't know how that gets out of control. If you leave floaters, hang around in the stall for a second. Give it a second double flush. Those are power flushers. They've got like £6,000 of pressure in the flush. It should go. If you've got stuff bobbing back up. If you get a couple popcorn shrimp that didn't make it all the way, don't be cruel to the next person. Don't leave toilet paper laying all over the place.
Brady
You're at the ASU afternoon football game and you have to dump. Poor timing.
Brett Brady
Yeah, Right. You should have planned your day, but they're just stacked. And those people are like. Sometimes you can't help it. Then go home. You're sick. You're not allowed in a public pool. You can't be at the ASU game.
Toledo
John. I gotta say, after hearing Justin's story, I sure hope his new girl guy friend has the male income part because he's gonna need it.
Brett Brady
Why? Because I don't know what this says about. Justin thinks that this new lady is gonna cost him a fortune.
Brady
Gotta be an earner.
Brett Brady
I don't know how much those cost. Cost. It sounds like the work's done. Hopefully there's no loans on that, Right? Take out a loan.
Toledo
There's a payment plan.
Brett Brady
Take out a loan on your new vagina. Probably have to most of the time. Yeah.
Toledo
Cuz you got to Put a deposit down, don't you? On major surgeries like that, did you have to pay for yours up front?
Brett Brady
Well, I don't know if we have. Mine is insurance, so you have to pay the deductible up.
Toledo
Right?
Brady
You know, it's nice about that letter. He. He didn't know. That's how good it was.
Brett Brady
He had no idea. And that's what. He went down there and still didn't know. Three or four times. She had to kind of allude to the idea that she might have had a he didn't know. Jim Jeffries has a great line about that because in that special where he says, if I could get a surgery that made me stop hating myself, I'd do it. It's a good point, but the problem is, is that it's very confusing. Brent says, just, Justin, just remember, next time you're pounding away at that brand new showroom vagina, think of the term docking, because that's what you're doing. All right, so what feels good? All intents and purposes, Justin's got a smoke show, 26 year old supermodel on his arm, and he wants to just kind of ignore the one reason why it happened. Big deal.
Toledo
Say the same thing about that flashlight you have just different terminology. Feel good.
Brett Brady
That's different. But sometimes I do turn the flashlight inside out. But that's. That's. I gotta wash it. That thing's gooey. It's sticky.
Toledo
Is it A?
Brett Brady
Like, it carries. Man, you gotta. You gotta spin that thing inside.
Toledo
Is it like a Japanese picture show on how to. Describing how to do it?
Brett Brady
I didn't read the instructions. I went right to town. Like I'm gonna go through the pamphlet when I break out the study. Yeah. I've got this synthetic, fascinating, somewhat lifelike anus. Let's read the instructions. On what. No, I know what to do with it. The whole insert A into B and then the cleaning part. I probably should have thumbed up to page eight.
Brady
That's how Toledo gets busted. What are you doing?
Justin
Reading the instructions, you pervert.
Brett Brady
I had to know I was using it properly. Yeah, you get a prosthetic anus, you can figure it out.
Brady
I think this goes here.
Brett Brady
French, Spanish. Ah, screw it. I'm going in. It's got that first page, like when you open the box. You should have these parts. I do the big fake butt. I got that. Insert penis. Yeah, that's what I thought. Okay, I know what to do. I get it from here. Edwards. Morning sickness. Medicate.
Unknown
K U p D. All right. HMS Podcast. Time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Check out hilarious comedian Brian Simpson Tempe at the Improv. Doing sets for you, the lovely and very funny Gina. Brian entertains you at the Desert Ridge Improv. And very good friend of the show, the one and only Christopher Titus performs all week for you at Stand Up Live. For the complete lineups and for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness.
Toledo
John, I'm not buying Justin's story. Should have known it was a dude from jump. His first sentence was an interesting girl. Please give me a break.
Brett Brady
Well, that's true. A good storytelling lady on day one is a hard one to find. And she's into the Dolphins and her favorite player was, like, Mark Clayton. Like, wait a minute. You know too much about the Dolphins.
Justin
I don't go back too far, but I remember I was a big fan of when Kareem Abdul Jabbar used to run in the late 90s.
Brett Brady
You had to be four years old.
Brady
Oh, when I was a boy girl.
Justin
I mean, back in my boyhood days.
Brett Brady
I get it. I see. You're hilarious. She's joking around about, like, tomboy tomboy days. That's all. Is that vagina says it's natural. You get blinded by the heat. This guy said, justin Story just gave me shingles. I'm suing kupd. This dude sounds like a CIS man likes to be manhandled by a chick twice his size. Huh. Just think about this, though, when you're doing your thing there. Remember the little man in the canoe used to be a mushroom tip. So good luck with that. All right. Why are you trying to ruin Justin's love story?
Toledo
Let him be in there.
Brady
And he didn't find it that way.
Brett Brady
The best sex of his life. It's weird. It's a great story, though. Thank you, Justin, for sharing that. I enjoy that kind of stuff.
Brady
It's still together. It sounds like.
Brett Brady
Well, it's February. Oh, and it's still relatively honeymoon phase. And, you know, sometimes the mesh might break and you might bring one out. You see the inner workings of the. The. The wang strips that'll come out in the. Laid out like a car wash hanging out. What a world.
Toledo
What a world.
Brett Brady
I was in a imagine saying that I was in this room of negroes and I developed shingles immediately. It's the meanest thing in the world to say about any group of people. But Elliot Page puts it in her book, and everybody's like, so brave. So brave. That is not brave. That's just you not dealing with your own things properly and trying to blame other people for making you uncomfortable, when essentially it's you not being able to talk about it that's uncomfortable. And I get that part. You're walking around very upset. That makes sense. But don't start saying CIS men can give you a disease. Shingles shows up. Larry had shingles. I don't know why. My dad had shingles once. He's like, my aunt had them so bad at Thanksgiving, I didn't eat.
Toledo
It's a virus.
Brett Brady
It's herpes.
Toledo
Comes and goes.
Brett Brady
It's part of the chickenpox. And my aunt had it. We were at Thanksgiving once, and she was.
Toledo
Man.
Brett Brady
It was probably in her early 70s. And she's like, oh, Sitting down like, what's going on, Joan? I got shingles. I'm like, oh, I hear that's horribly painful. She lifted her shirt to show me her lower chest and stomach.
Brady
It's like Philadelphia.
Brett Brady
Oh, Philadelphia. AIDS would have been a treat compared to what I saw. You know when fish get that scale rot and it's just everything on the outside of them is blood.
Brady
Her.
Brett Brady
Her. It was awful. It was just a. It was. It was an 8 by 11 inch size rectangle of her. Looked like her skin had been torn off, and she had it there. And she goes, I'm not. Even if I lift my shirt more, I'd show you. My whole back looks like this. And I'm like, what are you doing? I didn't want to eat. I was so sickened by her oozing, weeping, giant sores that I was. And I felt terrible.
Brady
Stone's disease.
Brett Brady
Yeah, her. Her pain was immeasurable. And I said, how'd you get this? And she said, hanging out with Mexicans. I'm like, oh, that'll do it. A group of people. That made me uncomfortable. That's not what causes shingles at all. Get your shingles virus shot today or not. I've never had that one. Although they say when you're over 50, you're supposed to get it. Yeah. And shingles does kind of scare me. I don't mind dying. I don't want to be in pain. Shingles look like it hurts. That doesn't look like any fun at all. Anyway, to Justin, our listener of the day, firing over that amazing story about he and his girlfriend with her brand new, refurbished. You know, it's like putting a New engine in an old car. Now, if you were fooled, Brady, and had spent three nights with this thing and then found out, would you stay?
Brady
I think so, yeah.
Toledo
Feeling as good as Justin did, I'd stay for round four.
Brady
Now, I'd stick around like, that's a successful conversion.
Brett Brady
Would you have done it in the first place had you known? That's the bigger question, y' all. He demeans it. He's not sticking around. This is all. That's what I say. It's all PC bull coming out of his mouth right now. Because when these mic's gloves, like, I just can't gross.
Justin
What is it? To go inside or how do they do it? Does he still have.
Brady
I gotta see it, but I don't want.
Brett Brady
And if the person came up to you and was striking and everything else in the beginning, and the sister said, it's my. It used to be my brother. Now it's my. You wouldn't give. Would you give it a chance?
Toledo
Oh, you mean.
Brady
Probably not.
Brett Brady
Probably not. Right.
Brady
If I knew beforehand.
Brett Brady
She's a huge Ohio State fan. She's like a Buckeye super fan. You start talking about stuff, but in your. In your mind, you know, this used to be a guy.
Brady
Yeah.
Brett Brady
But if you didn't know and you dive into the honey hole three or four times and then you know, and then you find. Would you. Would you stay?
Brady
I don't think as long as there's no kissing, I'll do everything else.
Brett Brady
I think your issue would be your family. Because I think if.
Brady
Yeah, like, hey, you know what?
Brett Brady
Yeah, she's tall.
Brady
She's tall. And.
Brett Brady
And she might start getting open with it and start telling your family. I don't think you'd want that. Yeah. I don't think you could handle your sister and those phone calls. Because they'd come.
Brady
No, my. Actually, my sister would be all right.
Brett Brady
You think? Yeah. You think she'd be all right with you dating?
Brady
Because she has a couple of her friends that have.
Brett Brady
Yeah. But digging in. Brother 1 Transgender, the religious side. No, she wouldn't be bothered.
Brady
Brother wouldn't say anything.
Brett Brady
Your brother wouldn't care.
Brady
No.
Brett Brady
He'd laugh at you. But.
Brady
Yeah.
Brett Brady
Yeah.
Brady
Nothing now.
Brett Brady
Yeah, he'd remain pretty quiet. Yeah.
Brady
I don't have to worry about that half too easy.
Toledo
But that's why I said would.
Brett Brady
Would have said it would have been a better way to say that. But, yeah, I'm with Brady on that one. I believe Torp's just gonna be mum on this.
Brady
Can't stop a Moving train.
Brett Brady
Whatever you want to do there, boy. And then you're. But then would you think about Torp looking down on you while you're, you know, performing? We were having a buffet on the old former dude.
Brady
I don't know. Oh, no, not really.
Brett Brady
And, you know, I mean, the new mushroom tip is, right. Yeah. You wouldn't. I don't think you'd do it.
Brady
I don't know.
Brett Brady
I think once the reveal, it would be.
Brady
It would be tough. I understand where Austin's coming from.
Brett Brady
Justin.
Brady
Justin. Yeah, Everything's just hitting for him right now. He's also coming off a divorce.
Brett Brady
Yeah. He's confused. Do you say event is.
Brady
The timing was just.
Brett Brady
No leg. Right. I want some pictures. Justin, let's see you and your lady out on the town, please. Correct.
John Holmberg
Yeah.
Brett Brady
Six, four. This person says, I don't know if this is for the Dolphins, it's because somebody hates it. Said. As a Patriots fan, I am appalled by this story for other reasons. Those people do not deserve any enjoyment. Talking about dolphin fans, they're in the same division, so. That's very funny, and I agree. Dolphin fans should never, ever have the best sex of their life. If dolphin fan has the best sex of its life, it should be against dolphin fans. Will. That's what I say. It should be something forced upon them. Hate the dolphin. They've been so irrelevant for so many years. It doesn't matter. There's a lot of people chiming in about this thing. This guy said, dude, get the shot for shingles. I had it on my head and face. Sucks. See, that makes me want to get that shot because that's where I'd get it. I can't read these out loud. This is terrible. Best sex of his life. What kind of pig was this dude married to and how long? How many mini. How many women has he been with? The Brady Report has to deal with stuff like this. Find out more facts. Where you been? I've been around.
Toledo
Let go of your previous. Previous.
Brett Brady
I do need to know that. Justin, how many women have you been with? Where. This is the best sex of your life at 46? Yeah, yeah. John de Pascali's right. He said the best part of that story was how he ended it. He's got a good sense of humor. I'm a changed man, and so is my girlfriend. That's very funny. That's a funny line. All right. This guy's got the medical advice. I just started listening a few minutes ago, but I'm assuming he nailed a tranny. Anyway, her New vagina has to have a dilator on it to keep it open because the body otherwise sees it as a wound and will try to heal it. It's only as deep as that guy was long. I know too much about this stuff because people keep talking about it. There's a dilator on it. Can you hear it? Oh, you hit me in the servos. Hold on. I'm overheating.
Brady
Or does it open like a. You know, a camera lens that circular?
Brett Brady
I don't know. Maybe there's a string, like opening blinds and stuff. Anyway, the world's gone crazy. I don't have. I don't have a lot in touch with society anymore. Just sit back and watch. I just want to watch tiptoes. Hang around, enjoy some food, get out of here. By the way, Otis has emailed in and says after a vaginoplasty, people do use a vaginal dilator to stretch the canal, keeping it open for purposes unknown. Following surgery, people may need to dilate twice each day for a minimum of 15 minutes, preventing the loss of vaginal depth and width. So you got that to stew over your egg McMuffin this morning.
Brady
And he was fooled by it.
Brett Brady
Well, it's not like you have to hit buttons. I think there's.
Brady
I think it's like a garage.
Brett Brady
I think it's so chamber. It's just like what I have to do right now. Brady for horsepower motor. No, it's not. You got a little button in the car. Hanging on the sunshield. The. It's like me with my shoulder right now. I don't have full mobility. In order to get it, I have to do little exercises, and then eventually it kind of heals up with those exercises.
Toledo
I like Brady's method of a clicker on the nightstand.
Brett Brady
Right. Well, that's probably easier. That's the get. That's what Brady would do because he did the surgery on trade. So we got the low end of the. But right now, it's like I have to sleep with a pillow between my chest and my arm. So, yeah, it's the same thing. So they have to stuff like a ketchup bottle in there to keep it open. So it gets used to that so it doesn't heal. It's like having an earring in an earring hole.
Toledo
It's like having gauges in your ears.
Brett Brady
Right? You gotta keep them in.
Toledo
You can take them out for short periods of time.
Brett Brady
Right. Universe Morning sickness. Medicate K U PD Holmberg's morning sickness. But at first, you can't because your body will try to heal it. So that's what a dilator. Not a button that makes your body go ready for penetration. Closing shot.
Toledo
Docking a sensitivity.
Brett Brady
Yeah, I do.
Justin
I don't like it being real, so I kick it at where its nuts used to be.
Brady
Why would you change what God gave you and stuff?
Justin
It's like the beginning of a Bond movie. See a little silhouette of James in there?
Brady
Seal lock.
Brett Brady
Yeah, I don't think there's a button that would. That would be a tell. If the dude. If Justin didn't recognize that she hit her craftsman every time she had to open up.
Justin
Hold on.
Brett Brady
What was that?
Justin
None of your business. Go to town, boy.
Brett Brady
You got it, sister.
Toledo
This texter says John. Although I should probably address sister Brady. I'm a 48 year old truck driver in a sexless marriage. I mean sexless. I get bored on the road, let me tell you. Oh, I've seen some things and then some.
Brett Brady
I don't want to know the answers to that. Wow. Right?
Toledo
Truck stop squishing.
Brett Brady
That dude moved balls out of the way.
Toledo
Yep.
Brady
It's lonely on the road.
Toledo
He's got his own clicker, Brady. Let's put it that way.
Brett Brady
I got my own. It's universal. I'll dilate you.
Brady
Thanks. A1.
Brett Brady
Yeah. Crazy.
Toledo
So help me out, John, that dilators like a kind of like a wedge. Just kind of squeeze it in there. Maybe a shim is what we're looking at.
Brett Brady
I think of it less as a shim and more of like the thing you put in dress shoes when you're not wearing them. The tree keeps you safe. Yeah, yeah. The tree. Yeah, it's the shoe tree. It's a vagina tree. You just kind of keep it in there, keep it kind of in shape so it doesn't try to. It doesn't collapse or heal.
Brady
That kind of thing keeps the wrinkles out, right?
Brett Brady
Yeah. Next time you need to use it, it's ready to go. That's all. That's all you need. You put it back in the box up on that top shelf. Dust them cedar. You get a little cedar in there. That's a nice. That's. I have the cedar ones too for my Ferragamos. That's. And pop them out. Why don't I wear these more? Then you put them on. You realize why they're.
Toledo
John, please play along with me. I just told my dad to listen to the show because my brother Justin's email is on the radio.
Brett Brady
Oh, no.
Toledo
My dad is freaking out thinking that that Is my brother. My brother's not really happy with me right now.
Brett Brady
Does Justin have a new.
Toledo
Dad's blowing up his phone.
Brett Brady
Justin have a new tall girlfriend? That would be perfect.
Toledo
He says, by the way, just for context, my brother Justin is still happily married.
Brett Brady
Okay, never mind. He's not posing on the side, but dad's worried about it. It's an awful lot for a guy in his 70s to wrap his eyes around. Come on, Tell me you're not doing this stuff. And then emailing radio stations, talking about dick strips.
Toledo
Holy cow.
Brady
You're fooled by that.
Toledo
You've opened up the trust tree this morning, John.
Brett Brady
Good John.
Toledo
I gotta say, best BJ I ever had was from a gay dude. He offered. And I figured my life would be so easy if I was bi, so I took a chance. Thousand times better than the best from a woman. Had to watch straight porn on the Oculus when he performed just to kind of get through it. Yeah, just a one time thing. And now I know with the mask on. And now I know I'm a hundred percent straight. Well, you're not a hundred percent straight. I'll give you 99. 98.
Brett Brady
You missed two on the test. You're down to a 97.
Toledo
Yep. You're not perfect.
Brett Brady
You got. You got an A plus. But you're. You're not 100% straight. You have a. You have a stain on your record. Well, you do.
Brady
Big.
Toledo
That's one way to put it.
Brett Brady
What's this here? You said you were 100 heterosexual, and there's a blowjob from a man in here? Boy, I was looking at chicks on the Oculus.
Toledo
You do it.
Brett Brady
Still a guy blowing you. We're gonna have to dock points. We heterosexuals have to dock points for every time you've had a blowjob from a man. I mean, that's. Sorry. It's just our. The way we work around it. It's our policy. Anyway. The world's gone bananas. I love every second how crazy everything's gone. I think it's fun. Smile, laugh, wander through. You see somebody struggling in which bathroom to use, just giggle at them and walk by. What's going on? I don't identify with either of these. Well, guess what? You're gonna piss your pants. That's how the world works. So you better pick one quick. I don't want to pee my pants. Then there's two options here. You know what? Make it easy on yourself and just kind of choke down one. And to have a four minute, like, ugh, I don't like being in this room. No one likes being in a public restroom. It's not like we go in there going, I'm a man, and I identify with the men's room, and I love it in here. I'm trying to get out of there as fast as you are. I don't want. When I used to wear flip flops.
Toledo
A lot, I didn't want another one in denial.
Brett Brady
Maybe this guy says it's not gay to get your sucked. I think it might be. I think depending on falls under the umbrella by who? That's under the umbrella. Definitely gay adjacent. I'm all for you having a good time, but that's gay adjacent.
Toledo
I don't know if it's the same.
Brett Brady
Guy or not, but, yeah, that dude's trying. He's got a platform. He's sp demon.
Toledo
It's not the same guy.
Brett Brady
This dilator is news to me, though. I learned something today.
Toledo
You're gonna make me google it, aren't you?
Brett Brady
No.
Brady
Yeah, Pull up a dilator. I want to see how close it is to a garage door.
Brett Brady
Also, you can use toys, like, from fascinations or Castle to. Evidently, you can use those things to keep it moving.
Justin
It's just.
Brett Brady
Actually, it's the gauges for your ears. You're right, Toledo. It was exactly that. Putting a gauge in, you just got to keep it open or it'll close on its own. Or like a pierced ear.
Brady
Too much of an opening.
Brett Brady
Well, for you. For you. That person wants it. Then you're sizing. It's like a. It's like a baseball and a new mitt. You put a softball in there, you got too big a mitt for baseball.
Toledo
Speaking of new mitt, you start small.
Brett Brady
There's the highlighters. You work your way up. Oh, my goodness. It looks like a crayola made these. Why are they all different colors?
Toledo
Because you got a color associated with thick. I'm in starts with purple stage.
Brett Brady
I'm now. I'm now. Is that Roy G. Biv? Am I looking at rainbow? How appropriate. See, you get the purple, Then blue thickens up. Then green looks the same as blue. And then the red one at the end. They're squared off.
Toledo
Yeah, they're all just a little bit.
Brett Brady
Maybe they dissolve. That could be. Maybe you shove that in there and it works through your night, and then by the morning, it's gone. And you. I don't know how any of this works, and I never will.
Toledo
Nine inches deep, boys. So there you go. There's your other question.
Brett Brady
No threat from me.
Toledo
Nope.
Brett Brady
Don't worry about me bottoming out on that. If you've got that, congratulations. Enjoy blacked.com.
Toledo
Now. Now, the ones on the right side are two thirds, so six inches maybe. Those are more preferred.
Brett Brady
That's like beginner stuff.
Toledo
Well, look at the. Look at the first one. The little tiny.
Brett Brady
I don't even know what you're doing with that. That's. That's post surgery. Like, that's just.
Toledo
Because that hurts right out of the shoes.
Brett Brady
You gotta put that one in, like, day one and go. You're still on the opioids with that one anyway.
Brady
Wow.
Toledo
I had no idea.
Brady
Like your own chef with his own knives.
Brett Brady
That's right. Yeah. You got your own set of knives. You carry on like a.
Toledo
There you go. There's. There's your.
Brett Brady
There it is.
Toledo
There's a flowchart.
Brett Brady
The drawing of it. Sure enough, that's how it works.
Toledo
Bingo.
Brett Brady
Okay, here's the photo. There's the anatomically correct drawing of what, a. What's the thing on top there?
Brady
Yeah, it's like a tail. Is that a tail?
Toledo
That's a penile scrotal skin tube.
Brett Brady
Oh, they gotta hang on to that for a little bit, huh? Yeah.
Toledo
Skin graft is taken from the scrotum and attached to the end of the penile skin tube. Most of the urethra is removed. The rest is spread open like a book.
Brett Brady
It's also strange.
Brady
Wow.
Toledo
We are educated.
Brett Brady
Yeah. No, I agree. You're not getting this on the Beth show. She's probably got one.
Brady
Maybe.
Brett Brady
She's probably. She probably is more educated than anybody on how to manufacture a vagina. This guy says, how about this new game show, Is it gay? You put men through things and if they enjoyed it, does it make them gay? Says, seriously, if you're in a dark room and someone was doing that to you and you found out afterwards it was a guy, does it make you gay? No. Then Wayne goes on to say, I've received amazing oral from men. Why are they so good? Think about it. Girls say they love doing it, but after you marry them, that changes. But gay men really do love that thing. And their performance proves it year in and year out. Wow. All right. Wayne.
Toledo
Committed. Wayne.
Brett Brady
Wayne likes dudes giving him the goods. It is true. The male mind's different when it comes to the sex. Because after a lady gets to a certain age, she starts seeing it as is, like, unnecessary. Or they get. And that's the truth. I don't know why not all of them, but you get Bored with it or it's not that important to you? Guys never have that. If they do, something's wrong. That's why we're always. When, you know, we're always being accused of being teenagers. Our whole.
Brady
Is that all you ever want?
Brett Brady
Act like, yes, it is. And by the way, with you, the great answer to is that all you want? If it is, I wouldn't be here.
Justin
Is that all you want from me?
Brett Brady
If that was the case, what am I doing here? This is the only thing. Thing I think about. Why am I with you? We do it like twice a year.
Justin
Yeah, but is that all you want?
Brett Brady
Yeah, but I'm being nice. If this. If you think that's all I'm about, why am I hanging out with you?
Brady
Father Metzger is getting way more action than me.
Brett Brady
This Wayne guy's getting it from dudes on the street, having the time of his life. I gotta fight with you.
Justin
I can't believe you want that again. What are you, a child?
Brett Brady
I don't think children like this. Go ahead, do your job. I'd treat it like Belichick, do your job. Fact that. Arg. Ladies, you gotta stop that argument with guys. I got friends who deal with that all the time. She thinks I'm only here for the sex. You guys do it a lot? No, we haven't done it in months. Then it's a simple answer to are you only about the sex? Yeah. If that was the case, why am I still here? Evidently, I can get by without. I don't want to. Anyway, different story. Be like Wayne. Go to a truck stop and explore the world of the rainbow. I'm not gonna do it. It's gross. Yeah. Lover Boys on the mix. Perfect. Perfect. The Lover Boy is also the nickname of Justin's girlfriend. Hey, Lover Boy.
Justin
Hi.
Brett Brady
If I had a trans girlfriend, I'd call her Lover Boy. I'd have to. I'd make like. It would be a laugh riot at our house with me constantly bringing up the obvious.
Justin
Stop talking about it.
Brett Brady
Come on. You let that elephant walk around the room and not bring it up every day. It's hilarious.
Brady
I just reverse it around Sissy and Bud. She beat Bud.
Brett Brady
You'd be Sissy. Yeah. C. I s like Sissy with a C. Yeah. Okay. All right. You got Lover Boy ready? Very excited about Loverboy, and I don't know why.
Toledo
John, I have one question for Justin. Can you please respond back with, hey, does it shrink when it gets cold in the pool? Just like a guy asking for a friend.
Brett Brady
I don't know. That's a good question. If you put some ice on it.
Brady
Everything makes sense. And it would contract.
Brett Brady
Does it, Dr. Bogan? Yeah. Yeah.
Brady
I'm gonna say yes.
Brett Brady
Such a wide swap.
Brady
Cold water.
Justin
I'm gonna say everything points to yes. If you had Camp Lejeune's water, was it cold?
Toledo
It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.
Brett Brady
No membership fees. I have heard enough of this.
Episode: 06-04-25 - "Justin Emails In That He Went On A Date And Hooked Up w/A Fully Transitioned Woman And Loved It And We Have Questions"
Host/Authors: John Holmberg, Brett Brady, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Release Date: June 4, 2025
In this episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness (HMS), the panel delves into an email from listener Justin, who shares his experience of dating and forming a romantic relationship with a fully transitioned woman. The discussion is marked by a blend of humor, skepticism, and contentious remarks from the hosts, reflecting their attempts to navigate the sensitive topic.
Justin writes to the show detailing his recent dating experience:
Initial Meeting and Attraction: Justin met his girlfriend at a house party where she was introduced by her sister. He describes her as a "tall, leggy, and completely done up woman," highlighting her stunning and model-like appearance. (01:09 – 01:10)
Developing the Relationship: After a successful initial date, Justin pursued the relationship despite discovering that his girlfriend is a 26-year-old transgender woman with a surgically transitioned body. He expresses satisfaction with their physical relationship, stating it was "the best sex of my life" and praises the quality of her transition-related modifications. (02:00 – 02:45)
Emotional Reflection: Justin reflects on his transformation, attributing positive changes in his life to this relationship, and mentions her political stance as a Republican who criticizes pushy societal trends. (02:40 – 03:00)
The hosts respond to Justin's story with a mix of disbelief, humorous skepticism, and personal anecdotes:
Brett Brady's Skepticism: Brett expresses doubt about Justin's story, questioning the authenticity and sincerity of the relationship. He sarcastically remarks, "I didn't get sick on that" (03:53) and continues to interrogate the plausibility of Justin's experience.
Dick Toledo’s Concerns: Toledo questions the terminology used when referring to transgender individuals, highlighting confusion over terms like "transvestite" versus "trans." He advocates for using "trans" to avoid misunderstandings (04:44 – 05:07).
Humor and Mockery: The hosts use humor to downplay Justin's positive experience, with Bret and Brett making light of the situation by comparing trans-related terminology and the use of vaginal dilators post-surgery. For instance, Bret jokes about the necessity of dilators, likening them to "dress shoe trees" (24:35 – 28:18).
Personal Anecdotes: Brett shares an unsettling story about his aunt suffering from shingles, which he inaccurately attributes to interactions with Mexicans, reflecting the hosts' tendency to bring unrelated and prejudiced anecdotes into the conversation (14:06 – 14:25).
Transgender Relationships:
Terminology and Respect:
Medical Aspects of Transition:
Societal Attitudes and Stereotypes:
Personal Transformation and Acceptance:
Justin: "And honestly, it's the best sex of my life. That manufactured joint is just as good, if not better than all the natural ones I've had." (02:45)
Brett Brady: "He's a changed man, and so is my girlfriend, Justin." (02:50)
Dick Toledo: "I think it's safe to just say trans. That's what I." (04:50)
Brett Brady: "You got your own set of knives. You carry on like a." (29:55)
The episode highlights the contrasting perspectives on transgender relationships and societal acceptance. While Justin shares a heartfelt and positive experience, the hosts approach the topic with skepticism and entrenched biases, often undermining the validity of his story through humor and misinformation. The discussion underscores the ongoing challenges in achieving respectful and informed conversations about transgender individuals in mainstream media.
Listeners unfamiliar with the episode would gain insight into the varied attitudes towards transgender relationships and the importance of respectful terminology and understanding. However, the episode also serves as an example of how not to handle sensitive topics, emphasizing the need for empathy and accurate information.
Holmberg's Morning Sickness continues to engage its audience with provocative topics, though this episode showcases a need for more sensitivity and informed dialogue when discussing transgender issues. The blend of personal anecdotes and humor, while entertaining for some, may perpetuate misconceptions and biases, highlighting the responsibility of media personalities in shaping public discourse.
Tune in to Holmberg's Morning Sickness on 98 KUPD (97.9 FM, the 98 KUPD app, or www.98kupd.com) weekdays from 5:30 AM to 10:00 AM for more discussions and listener interactions.