06-05-25 - While Sick John Watched Greta Thurnberg As She Sails To Gaza And Noticed She Always Cries - KTAR Gave Advice On How To Survive A Power Pole Falling On Your Car - Luigi Mangione's Lawyer Asks For Removal Of Shackles

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode Release Date: June 5, 2025
Episode Title: While Sick John Watched Greta Thunberg As She Sails To Gaza And Noticed She Always Cries - KTAR Gave Advice On How To Survive A Power Pole Falling On Your Car - Luigi Mangione's Lawyer Asks For Removal Of Shackles

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Introduction

In this episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness, Arizona's #1 Morning Radio Show hosted by John Holmberg, listeners are treated to a blend of humor, sharp commentary, and lively discussions. Assisted by Brady Bogen and Chris (likely Bret Vesely or Dick Toledo based on the credits), the trio dives into current events with their signature blend of entertainment and irreverence.

Greta Thunberg’s Voyage to Gaza

Timestamp: 04:20 - 10:44

The episode kicks off with a heated discussion about Greta Thunberg's ambitious and controversial mission to sail to Gaza. Chris humorously derides Greta, dubbing her the "Swedish doom goblin," and questions the practicality and motivations behind her journey.

• Chris: "If you think of her as a Swedish doom goblin, she gets funny. Like, everything she does. The Swedish doom goblin is up to it." [04:16]

The hosts debate Greta's effectiveness, with Chris suggesting her emotional approach doesn't translate into tangible solutions. Brady tries to offer a slightly more tempered view but ultimately joins in the ribbing.

• Chris: "She's gonna solve thousands of years of strife in that region just because you're Greta Thunberg, the doom goblin." [06:33]

John adds a personal anecdote about feeling unwell, attributing it humorously to either a tainted protein shake or overexposure to Greta’s emotional displays.

• John: "After a day away yesterday from what I am convinced was poison... I remember that the Tylenol poisoning." [03:47]

KTAR’s Power Pole Survival Tips

Timestamp: 22:19 - 30:44

Transitioning from environmental activism to emergency preparedness, Chris and Brady critique a KTAR news segment that offers advice on surviving a power pole falling on one's car during a monsoon. The hosts mock the practicality and relevance of the tips provided.

• Chris: "If it weren't actually did happen, if it weren't for Greta, this would be... you know, we'd have lost most of Spain to, like, crumbling, like, environmental issues." [06:54]

They humorously dissect the advice, questioning the likelihood of power poles falling onto cars in Arizona and ridiculing the step-by-step instructions, such as shuffling away from the vehicle.

• Chris: "The shuffling. Jump out of the car and remind everyone to stay hundreds of feet away." [23:50]

John later echoes their skepticism, emphasizing his long-term experience in Arizona without encountering such severe storms, further highlighting the absurdity of the news segment.

• John: "I've lived here for 40 years and never once has a storm been so strong that the power line started to tip over onto the road." [28:12]

Luigi Mangione’s Legal Battle

Timestamp: 32:07 - 38:25

Shifting gears to legal drama, the conversation turns to Luigi Mangione, a figure embroiled in controversy. The hosts mockingly discuss his lawyer’s plea for the removal of shackles, questioning the rationale behind granting such a request.

• Chris: "He's gorgeous. And that's the other thing. I watched a little of this thing... If it was me in that courtroom, they'd shackle my head to my face." [34:27]

Brady and Chris delve into the absurdity of the situation, highlighting the incongruity between Luigi’s appearance and his actions. They satirize the legal proceedings, suggesting that Luigi's good looks are humorously influencing the court's decisions.

• Chris: "He was a... Look at him. I'd nail him. He's hot. The eyebrows are a little thick, but come on." [34:21]

The hosts continue to lampoon the judicial system's handling of Luigi, emphasizing the disconnect between Luigi's manifesto and his legal defense.

• Chris: "He saved lives, right?... But he's an egomaniac, too." [37:18]

Operation Hydration and Community Support

Timestamp: 41:39 - 42:39

Concluding the episode, John Holmberg promotes Operation Hydration, a community-driven initiative aiming to distribute water and support rescue missions in Phoenix. The hosts encourage listeners to contribute financially, blending humor with a call to action.

• Chris: "Give us that Wake up song. 585-9800? A good one and we'll scream it together?" [42:20]

Brady likens Brett’s efforts to those of Greta Thunberg, suggesting that Brett is Arizona's own activist figure, thereby tying back to their earlier discussion on environmental activism.

• Brady: "He's our Greta Thunberg." [42:20]

Notable Quotes

• Chris: "What to do if a power pole falls on your car during a monsoon... That's the most useless news story of all time." [23:50]

• Chris: "She's a little aggressive, a lot crying. I don't listen to crying people too often. They seem unhinged." [10:30]

• John: "After a day away yesterday from what I am convinced was poison... I felt fine." [03:47]

• Chris: "If you date a girl who's upset about the Middle East to the point where she starts crying, she's going to be that way the rest of her life." [16:49]

Conclusion

This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness masterfully combines humor with sharp social commentary. Whether mocking high-profile activists like Greta Thunberg, critiquing sensational news advice, or lampooning legal oddities, John, Brady, and Chris engage listeners with their unique blend of wit and irreverence. The episode culminates in a community-focused initiative, reminding listeners that amidst the laughs, there's a call for genuine support and action.

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For more entertaining discussions and humorous takes on the latest events, tune in to Holmberg's Morning Sickness on 98 KUPD weekdays from 5:30 a.m. to 10 a.m., or visit 98kupd.com.

Transcript

[Byron]

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[John]

Time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Check out hilarious comedian Brian Simpson in Tempe at the Improv doing sets for you, the lovely and very funny Gina Brian entertains you at the Desert Ridge Improv and very good friend of the show, the one and only Christopher Titus performs all week for you at Stand Up. For the complete lineups and for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com.

[Chris]

You'Ve been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil. Sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. 98. I put the wrong button in. I'm still a little dizzy. Good morning, everybody. I gotta play the better thing. It's just wrong. It's just. I'm all screwed up. If that doesn't go my way. There it is. Get that out of here. It is 5:45. My name's John. There's Brady, there's Brett, There's Big Dick Toledo. After a day away yesterday from what I am convinced was poison, I'm watching the Tylenol documentary. Oh, it's brutal. It's crazy. And I remember that the Tylenol poisoning. I had a. I'm pretty sure I narrowed down what happened in the middle of the night two nights ago. You know, I'm up late. I'm doing my late thing, hanging around. Like, I'm kind of sleepy, but I just worked out a little bit. Drink a protein. Drink an organic protein. I love those things, and they're really good. This one was off. Like, I took a couple sips. I'm like, ugh. And I shook it, thinking that there was some sort of mix in it. There's not. That's dumb. And I took another sip, and I'm like, no, this isn't right. And then I. What I do with that after? Chugged it. If I drink it real fast, all the poison goes past you. And then. Knocked out for an hour, woke up, started getting ready for work out on the freeway in the 51 and thought, I'm either gonna crap my pants or throw up all over this car. But the last thing I am today is hilarious. So I'm going home. It was not a good feeling to try to drive in. And for God's sakes, you never know, Brady. You know, you come in here a little dizzy, maybe not feeling so great. Try to force yourself through it. Say the wrong thing and you're getting a charge for it. Who knew? Brutal. So I. Yeah, I turned around, went home, and I felt fine. A couple hours later, I felt fine.

[Brady]

Had to just purge it out of your system.

[Chris]

It was either that or as I was after I drank the tainted orgain protein drink, which, by the way, is not a shot at them. Orgain pro the man. Their protein drinks are so good, and they're really, like, healthy. You make your stomach feel right. Not this one. It was either that or watching too much of that Gerda Thunberg nonsense. I can't get enough of this broad.

[Brady]

She's still around the ocean, sailing around the world. Or.

[Chris]

The reason why I like her now is because someone on the Internet in a news story called her a Swedish doom goblin. And from that moment on, I like. I'm in on. Because if you think of her as a Swedish doom goblin, she gets funny. Like, everything she does. The Swedish doom goblin is up to it. And that, as a Swedish person is. My goal is to be known as something as cool as a Swedish doom goblin. A lot of people have called me that. I'm a Swedish doom something. I'm Goblins. I'm too tall to be a goblin. Six feet too tall for goblin. Barely. I mean, I think you could get some. I'd be like the Yao Ming of goblins at 5, 9, 5, 10. But 6ft's a little bit of a stretch. Swedish doom something is great, but Goblin's awesome. So I'm watching her row all the way to Goblin Gaza. She's doomed. Like, there's no. Like, there's no joy in that woman's life at all. And so I watched the special before I started getting sick. So it's either the orgain protein drink or it was too much visual. Greta Thunberg. Thunberglar, I call her. As the doom goblin started to float over. She's in a rowboat, a sailboat, all the way to Palestine. I don't know what she's gonna do when she gets.

[Brady]

Is she expecting a crowd there?

[Chris]

How arrogant. Do you have to celebrate it? Yeah. To, like, sail? Yeah. But you sail into Gaza. What is she, 23, 22? You sail into Gaza and you solve thousands of years of strife in that region just because you're Greta Thunberg, the doom goblin. I just don't understand where they roll.

[Brady]

Out a scroll and she just stamps it here, maybe.

[Chris]

Stop. Cr. First off, stop crying. You're. You're basically just a hysterical woman on a bad date. And your whole life has been that. Ever since I've seen this girl, she's just been hysterical. She's the girl that you date once. She cries, and you're like, why are you crying? Like nothing happened. The waiter didn't bring this stuff. And then he looked at me, and I know he's looking at me and.

[Brady]

Thought he saw this zit.

[Chris]

And I'm like, what are you doing? You might be a tad dramatic. This is woman drama on steroids. I cannot. I wonder if she never stops crying.

[Brady]

Abroad by doing this. It could potentially start the piece.

[Chris]

You know, that's my point. Her arrogance. He believes that she.

[Byron]

There she is, getting all sexy with.

[Chris]

Her flag and everything, trying to, like, appeal to us. Like, she's dressed a little like a Billie Eilish video, and she's standing next to the Palestinian flag, which is, like, the least appealing thing to stand next to.

[Brady]

And wearing the. Is wearing the Israeli colors that.

[Chris]

No, she's nothing about Israel right now. No, no. Okay.

[Brady]

I thought she has them both, though.

[Chris]

Oh, no. She's going over there angry at Israel for the Palestinian thing. She's humanitarian rights in Gaza. And she's going to solve it. But I think even women look at her, because most of the time in a restaurant, when a woman starts crying, other women empathize, and dudes just go, oh, that's my nightmare. I hate that, like, because we've all been for no reason at all with our girls, and they. They break down in tears, like, well, what's going on? Like, you just. You just didn't. I'm like, oh, boy, we're having a day, aren't we? But I think even women look at her and go, oh, now I know how dudes feel. This chick's all. This bitch is always crying.

[Byron]

That's when we all turn into Snaggle Plus. Exit stage left.

[Chris]

All right, I'll give you one. But you cry every time we go. So they had a Seinfeld episode about it, about the girl who cries all the. All right, you're out there. But Greta is. I gotta hand it to her. She's done absolutely nothing outside of just yell and cry and get some attention and shout it, like every generation. But she sticks to her guns. I don't know if anybody else considers it a political movement to have a beautiful sailboat go from the UK all the way to Gaza, but that sounds amazing. Most of the way. Then the. I mean, the destination sucks. But think of that, traveling the coast of Europe, Spain, and you're just on a sailboat. It's gonna take some time. People forget you're doing it about a week and a half in. Yeah. And then. And you're. And then you get there. Nobody cares nothing. Nobody's gonna listen. They'll film you crying and screaming at Gaza. They're not listening. And then. And then what? And then you gotta sail home. And that's basically just a bad cruise with a. With a rotten stuff.

[Brady]

She's dropping off some baby formula, medical equipment.

[Chris]

Oh, yeah. No, she's got a. She's got an agenda.

[Brady]

Big of a boat.

[Chris]

Pretty good size. They had, like 10 or 12 people on there, and it was. You know, they're all on the deck and they're walking around. I'm like, this looks a little bit more like an influencer's party than it does, you know, humanitarian mission, but it's full of formula and everything else. And I don't think. Color me crazy, that the folks over there in Gaza know who Greta Thunberg is. I'm pretty sure they're. They're sort of unaware. You pull up in a great big, beautiful sailboat. I'm thinking you're kind of probably a prick with a sailboat. Like most people who have big giant sailboats are everything they hate in the Middle East.

[Brady]

And are you gonna run right to that? Everything else in the dock. Here comes the shiny.

[Chris]

My guess is she's going to park it someplace nice and then give it to, like, Egypt or something. And then say, you guys walk this over. I'll go with you. But they can't know about the sailboat because that makes me look pretty rich. And then she starts crying. And they'll be. And they'll say, like, who's the Swedish Zoom Goblin? And they'll. They'll even take a second to turn and look and go, are things really that bad? Like, she's pretty emotional.

[Byron]

What does this got to do with climate change?

[Chris]

Nothing.

[Byron]

What the hell is she running her mouth about?

[Chris]

A humanitarian.

[Byron]

Oh, she tried. She switched over.

[Chris]

No, she's always been that you can be two things at once, for crying out loud. She's gonna save the Earth. She's an egomaniac.

[Byron]

There you go. Bingo.

[Chris]

Right there. All she is is an egomaniac that thinks she can solve the world's problems by yelling at us. And I loved Arnold Schwarzenegger yesterday. Quit talking to the president and everything else about all of these things. Nothing's going to happen with global warming. Do it yourself. Do your own thing. He's like, basically said, quit yelling at the government for not doing what you want. Do it yourself. Quit driving so much. If you really mean it, quit it. Quit bitching and roll up your sleeves. Is essentially what he said. And he's right. And I gotta give it to Greta. That's exactly what she's done now. She's a little aggressive, a lot crying. I don't listen to crying people too often. They seem unhinged.

[Brady]

It's kind of like, I mean, you put in a degree, it is getting more press, but, you know, like Habitat for Humanity, these groups, there's a lot of churches that go over and build a house.

[Chris]

Sure.

[Brady]

Over in Honduras.

[Chris]

Yeah, but they pick. They pick, pick and choose. Like, those groups do it when the cameras are out. They do it and then, like, act like they're doing something horrific. They're basically in pretty safe areas that are.

[Brady]

She's getting the coverage.

[Chris]

Oh, yeah, she's getting the coverage. Holmberg's morning sickness. But again, she's an egomaniac. 20 something years old, screaming and crying again. If a 20 something year old came to you, they could be geniuses. And they're screaming and crying all you're doing is going, all right, everyone calm. That nobody's listening to a scream. And crying person. She's. But I love that Swedish doom Goblin is her moniker now. That's my favorite phrase ever. Ever.

[Brady]

It'd be, you know, it'd be nice to see a list, maybe some results, right?

[Chris]

Yes.

[Brady]

Well, look, happened because of this.

[Chris]

If it weren't actually did happen, if it weren't for Greta, this would be. You know, we'd have lost most of Spain to, like, crumbling, like, environmental issues. I don't think so. She's loud, she's got an agenda, and she's got, you know, passion. She's passionate. But I think all men can relate to the idea. I just can't listen to a crying woman. They're very rarely reasonable. A crying woman is very rarely like, everyone quiet and listen to the crying woman. Is never, ever something a man has shouted or said. This crying woman's making a lot of sense. Is not. It's not a thing. A crying man is hysterical immediately, unless it's a funeral or a dog died or something really personally tragic. A crying man who's just upset at something he saw on TV is one of the funniest things you could ever see. Like, if Toledo came in here and started to cry because he couldn't take what was going on in Gaza, we'd be like, we get it, dude, but calm down. Calm down. We'd laugh at him a little. Be like, all right, calm down. Then I'm gonna sail. If a guy said that to you, then I'm getting a sailboat, because I don't want to. I don't want to puke anything into the. And I'm gonna go over to God, said, I'm gonna fix it. I'm like, all right, you've gone nuts. You need to sit on the couch over there. First off, stop crying. It's so funny. Second, if you've got this, like, passion, go. All right, first off, go. Go dust off. Go clean up your face. You're making me. I'm gonna giggle the whole time.

[Brady]

I'll give her this. At least she's used that, had passion and stayed consistent with it. She's consistent because, you know, you got.

[Chris]

I'll give it the other side of.

[Brady]

It's like Hawk to a girl that. Well, she's not tried to parlay the fame.

[Chris]

See? But there's. There's the issue right there. You're comparing those two because as a man, you're not seeing much difference. Has that opportunity to be the haktua girl.

[Brady]

She.

[Byron]

I'll take the hot to a girl myself.

[Chris]

So you're thinking of Blowjobs with Greta.

[Brady]

Thunberg to use that.

[Chris]

I'm take the day off. My stomach.

[Brady]

I think that was the thing. She didn't have that option. She used that fame to go somewhere else. Whether she's.

[Chris]

Well, yeah, but. Okay, but the difference is documentaries. I'll give Greta credit for this. She invented her own fame, not accidentally stumbled into it by saying, here's how I suck at. You know, that's. I mean, if that's how she got fame and she became an environmentalist, I'd be like, wow, didn't see that turn. Hawk Tua just was drunk at a party and said something stupid in the world. But we like that for a minute. Yeah, but again, name the last time Matthia was crying. You're like, she'd make it a ton of sense. Never take a lot of that, Ronnie. Anytime she starts, like, sobbing and is passionate about something, and you're like, I need to hear her out. Because a lot of this stuff, if we put into action with that crying woman saying a lot of things are going to get done, I tune out, actually. Of course, because it's nonsense. No crying woman has ever, ever made a guy go, all right, this is really adding up. It's hysterical crying. It's usually. There's usually a spider nearby. That's usually why it happens.

[Byron]

Even the we should stay together then, you know, that's a cue. No, no, no.

[Chris]

Peace out. Why are you doing this? Yeah, you are a crazy. This bitch is losing. Yeah, we need to stay together. Oh, she's gone. She's off the deep end. And the same with a guy. In fact, any dude that's screaming, we should stay together while he's sobbing has lost it. It's not a good moment for any new. Crying as an adult is not, you know, classy. Crying is, I just lost my dog and I need a minute and you realize I can't do this.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Chris]

I can't just start blabbing away. You can cry, but it has to be. There has to be, like, some composure with it. The doom goblin, she loses her mind. Every time she opens her mouth, she makes herself cry, which is even a crazier woman. Like, if you were at dinner with Ronnie and everything was fine, and then she started to talk about her day, and the next thing you know, then my hips, I just get like, well, you just did this to yourself. How did you do that?

[Brady]

That I could, you know, understand a little Bit.

[Chris]

She started crying.

[Brady]

Like, we must have to help these people.

[Chris]

I don't. Yeah. Oh, yeah. If she started to see something, it's.

[Brady]

Not like, you know, personal pain and stuff is one thing, but a woman.

[Chris]

Can talk herself into crying with her own conversation that you didn't have anything to do with. And now you. You're the one at the, you know, stake 44 looking around going, I didn't do this. This isn't a dv. She's just upset about her hips. It's worse with the doom goblin because she's upset about the Middle East. And boy, oh, boy. You date a girl who's upset about the Middle east to the point where she starts crying. She's going to be that way the rest of her life because nothing's going to change over there. I don't know if history is your guide. There's never been, like, a good period of time in that region.

[Brady]

I mean, Thornberg is not dateable.

[Chris]

Quite. No. Quite. No. On their Tinder.

[Brady]

No matter what you're doing.

[Chris]

Passionate and emotional.

[Brady]

Bad about what you're doing.

[Chris]

God damn it. Did this just happen? Somebody just sent us her head attached to a lady who has an amazing body and she's selling milk that I don't. This one says, I'm going to feel ashamed after I beat off to this. I am, too.

[Byron]

Nice job, Chris.

[Chris]

Turn it political. Yeah. This one says what she's doing is no different than Trump tard claiming he would end the war in Russia and Ukraine on day one. You're right. Emotional overreactionary nonsense of egomaniacal craziness. But anybody who runs for president you should already assume is an egomaniac. That's for sure. Any individual who thinks I should run the world has quite an ego on them.

[Brady]

You do have opportunities to talk to the leaders of those countries. Little advantage.

[Chris]

Yeah. I think Greta sits at the bottom of that boat. I want to go on a trip where? I don't know. I'll whip up some tears and make people pay for it. And she'll go, I did want it. Okay. It's like, oh, Greta's on a roll. Let's send her some cash. She's gonna go solve God.

[Brady]

Yeah. Whatever company she's going to, they're like, oh, no.

[Chris]

I think it's just a ruse for free travel. I think she's kind of like you, Brady. I think she's figured something out. She's, like, making trades with her tears. You trade sauce. She trades tears. Either way, it's a liquid that you're providing, she starts crying. And people that get her a boat. We got to get over that Gaza and start giving up baby formula in the meantime, you tell me right now, hey, you want to take a month off your life and sail the European coast? Yes. Like, almost all of it's awesome. Like Greece. Think about it.

[Brady]

How long will it take them?

[Chris]

I don't know. It takes probably a while to sail down there. I'd give it a couple weeks at the very least. Right.

[Brady]

Good summer vacation.

[Byron]

Where's she making her bank at?

[Chris]

That's the thing, man.

[Byron]

I mean, people are.

[Chris]

People are funding that.

[Brady]

Door opens, who Company. You're writing a check.

[Chris]

People who. Who, like. Like when teenage Swedes start sobbing about what they're gonna fix, and then they just hand the money she does have, like, she'll play the heavy, too.

[Brady]

You don't write me a check for the trip.

[Chris]

I used to buy that she believed it, which is why she's so emotional now. I think she just does it for the travel. I think she gets a lot of trips out of it. A lot of good ones. Sailing's fun. Nobody ever goes, ah, damn it, I got a sail there. Like, nobody ever is upset. Ah, trip on a sailboat. And he wants us all to go, blech. Sailboats are fun. My uncle's a sailor. He's got a sailboat. Like, he. It's got one on Lake Michigan. He's got one in my. In Florida.

[Brady]

Yeah, but. But it's fun for a couple hours or a day.

[Chris]

Okay.

[Brady]

Something.

[Chris]

No, if you're on a good one with beds in a kitchen, it's pretty neat.

[Byron]

Like, you're not going to Palestine, though.

[Chris]

Well, that. This is a big boat. Have you not. Yeah, and the end destination does.

[Byron]

That's what I'm saying. Yeah.

[Chris]

If you do have to actually land in Gaza, but, I mean, even Israel, that coastline is gorgeous.

[Byron]

I mean, if Captain Stubing's, you know, captaining my boat and stuff like that, we're going to Monaco or Acapulco or something back in the day.

[Chris]

I think that that on Greta's boat, there's initially an attraction, then something falls apart, and then they're drawn back together because of the power of the boat.

[Byron]

And Charo comes in for no reason.

[Chris]

At all, goes on there, and she wants to solve some problems. Look, I'm not. I'm just saying that she should have.

[Brady]

Loaded up the princess.

[Byron]

Oh, yeah.

[Brady]

More supplies.

[Chris]

Also, if you were on a date with a girl and you're like, you're pretty Passionate about this whole environmental stuff and all the. Gaza and all that. Yeah, I'm gonna solve that. Like. Oh, yeah? What group are you with? No, I'm gonna do it myself. Really? Okay. After. When. When we're done here at Trevor's, watching the game or. What do you want to do? I was like, afterwards, I'm sailing to Gaza. I'm like, this bitch is crazy. She thinks she's gonna solve all the problems in the Middle east herself. That's ambitious. Incredible crazy. And she's crying. Oh, she's crying. I got to calm it down. The crying thing. I can't. I don't. That's not a. A woman. I've watched it happen. Watch Megan do it. I watched my ex wife do it. I watched. I watched everyone in my life, when everything's just fine, start talking about something, and they're talking, and then they start crying like, I haven't said a word. Is this me sickness radiate? KU PD Holmberg's morning sickness. But they always do it in public. It's never at home. There's never a time when they're just at home and they start telling themselves things suck. And it's always weird. And it's at a table and you're looking around, everybody looks at you like, oh, he made her cry. It's not always us. Makes us feel terrible. And they know that women get weepy.

[Brady]

We throw money at it.

[Chris]

Please stop.

[Brady]

You want to feel better? Help this charity.

[Chris]

I'm talking to a thousand men at this very moment who are relating to the phrase with your teeth clenched. Please stop crying. We are in public. Please lock it down. We've all been there. I didn't do anything. Everyone thinks I'm beating you. Please stop crying. I can't help it. Oh, God damn it. The food's coming. The waiters. Shut up. You're making it worse. I didn't do anything. You talked yourself into this. You think you're fat. This is your fault. You think I'm fat, too. No, he wouldn't have said that. Oh, my God. I'm going to the bathroom in another state. It's crazy. And then I was also watching the news. There are two things on the news. The dumbest news story I've ever heard in my life happened this morning. This is the dumbest news story I've ever heard in my life. Our friends Jim Sharp and Ladonna Harvey. I listened to them just in case the world exploded the night before. So I'll tune in to News Chopper 620. Whatever they call themselves now, what is it, 92 3. And I'll listen to my good friend Jim and his good friend Mr. Ladonna Harvey and their top story this morning. And I realized nothing bad happened yesterday. What to do if a power pole falls on your car during a monsoon.

[Byron]

I heard that.

[Chris]

Yeah. It is the most useless news story of all time. First off, did you hear the tips?

[Byron]

Yeah. Jump out of the car.

[Chris]

Don't touch the car. Jump out of the car and remind everyone to stay hundreds of feet away. Second, leap far from the. As far as you can from the car. And then never get your feet too far apart and shuffle away. What they didn't say was why is you're in the midst of a storm so powerful, it's uprooting power poles and chucking them at cars. And for some reason, there's bystanders, there's just people hanging around outside. This is the worst storm in the history of Arizona. If in fact you're driving along and power poles are being ripped out of the ground onto the road and you happen to get smashed by one, assuming.

[Brady]

It'S going to hit the front hood or the trunk. Otherwise you're not opening a door and shuffling.

[Chris]

Well, there's the other thing. The power pole also has to cooperate by hitting a portion of your car that keeps you safe inside. And the door just creaks right open. I've had, I've been in cars, a passenger seat where a friend of mine bumped into something and bent the frame just a little and the door wouldn't open. Like it wasn't much of an accident. We're like, my door no longer opens. Like we bent this just enough. Yeah. It's pinched in and it's like I can't get out there. I had to climb out the window and we hit. What the dude hit was a mooring of a. Like a fence basically just kind of bumped into this thing. Just hit that. Like. Yeah. And it. I'm like, you just screwed up your car and you pinned the door. I can't open. It's going. It's making this. I'm like, I can't get out of here. This was a two mile an hour wreck. Now this was years ago and he was driving a piece of crap car. But still. But the news story was first and foremost clear the area of people. I think the storm's doing that. Pretty sure the storm that's tearing down, I don't know. People gather around during that. You think when a power pole falls with clearly 200 mile an hour winds. There's just folks like, you know, eating churros and. What's going on over there?

[Brady]

Gotta be the one that was helping things. Hey, could you use your help over here? The power pole fell down.

[Chris]

I used the pantomime hand crank of the car window.

[Byron]

No.

[Chris]

No one panic. I'm the one who's in danger. Everyone stay away from the falling power lines. I'm. I'm completely in control now. If a woman's driving. We just went over this. Do you think she's going to keep her cool? By the way, the last thing I'm doing if an electrical pole is laying on my car, fiddling with the window. I'm not messing around with that. I'm not screwing around with anything that sparks or clicks or does anything electronic. Pretty sure that's been rendered inoperable anyway by the power pole on my car. But Jim and Ladonna. So Colton. Am I supposed to shuffle? They played the sound of shuffling. Yeah, you scoot your feet. It was almost like when they tried to teach you how to do CPR by playing that BG song. Like, here's how it's supposed to sound. Here's how you know you're doing it right? Like. Like, I know how to shuffle, you dumb mother.

[Byron]

I was waiting for him to start playing lmfao because every time I'm shuffling.

[Chris]

And that's how you get away from power poles being chucked at your car and landing on them like San Andreas or the movie 2012. I am not in the midst of a decent situation to where I can. And by the way, if I'm still alive and the power poles land on my car, I'm not getting out. I'm staying in that car because I already know that whipping electrical lines that are still live. Everything is terrible. Stay put. Here's. Here's the Holmberg advice on that. If you're still alive and there's a power pole that's been uprooted in a terrible storm, stay inside. Don't shuffle away and shuffle at least 30ft. Shuffle nowhere. That's. The KTAR is trying to kill you. Trying as hard as they can to kill as many people with storms that will never occur. By the way, it's not going to happen. I've lived here for 40 years and never once has a storm been so strong that the power line started to tip over onto the road. And, like, so fast. Your car's probably going to blow off the street if the power line. You know how sturdy those things are. The lines Will take.

[Brady]

I'm not gonna stay.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Brady]

If the line pulls it down, but.

[Chris]

For the most part, one will clip off and it'll lean because there's like 20 power lines that haven't broken off the other ones. If it falls all the way down, the power lines are broken and those things are flying around. Like. Didn't you. Didn't anyone see Iron Man 2, remember?

[Byron]

Or Twister back in the day?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Chris]

When you got the power lines going, they don't hold still for you. Twister. All the power lines move. Jim Sharp and Ladonna Harvey should fine for what they've said. And I know that's not fcc, but whenever you say something stupid, you should have to pay for it. I think that's my new rule.

[Brady]

You're going to hear that story five times this morning.

[Chris]

Oh, yeah, they're going to.

[Brady]

Oh, every 15.

[Chris]

Look, you get. Don't we. We're fine. We know you'll come back. Tune in for the top of the hour and wait. It's 8 o' clock. Here's our top story. If in fact this hypothetical nonsense happens to you, it's. That's not news. That's. That's.

[Brady]

I did learn something. The shuffling.

[Chris]

Well, sure, if you're shuffling, you know. Oh. You got to keep your feet real close together because otherwise you'll conduct electricity. So if you're in a live wire situation and you want to walk through it, don't lift your feet off the ground, stay grounded and shuffle. Well, I guess that's decent advice. But again, ask yourself, how did I get here? How did I get into this spot? This is the same exact advice they gave kids in the Midwest for tornadoes and nuclear bombs, when that special alarm would. And they did it here, too. That special alarm would go off and go, all right, everyone under your desk. The Ruskies are attacking. Like what lay under your desks there. What you don't know is these little wooden boxes are nuclear proof. You just sit under it. That was to identify the bodies. They never told the kids the truth. They have a seating chart. It's like they just know they'll find all the bodies under the desks. This will be easy. It's like Pompeii. If they just said, do what you should do, which is run for your life. The nukes are falling and they'd have to go search for bodies and everything else. It's easier for them if everybody just got to the same exact spot. And there were 30 little kids in each room under a desk burnt to a Crisp, just little. You know those skeletons you see in the heart with the teeth and that, that was never for our safety. If a tornado comes and blows the school up for me to put you in the. Everyone needs to be in pretty much the same, at least the same starting point so the forensic investigators can find you easier.

[Brady]

They figured that was better than 30 lined lead lined refrigerators for them to jump in.

[Chris]

Well, it would have been a little expensive to shove all those smart kids into the lead line stuff and the dumb kids would have been under the desk.

[Byron]

I worked in Indiana Jones. What's the problem?

[Chris]

You get in a refrigerator, they're nuclear proof.

[Brady]

Even tumbled.

[Chris]

The other thing is seat belts on planes. They're designed to keep you from floating around in turbulence. But they want you to buckle up for a wreck so you get found. Like those are. Ever seen the aftermath that Russian. There was a Russian plane that crashed and they found it and they're like oh thank God. Like how many people are on here? It's like, don't worry about that. They were all buckled in and there's just people in chairs just laying in the things. The seats came loose from the plane but there's like a grouping of six just all buckled in. Bodies are still. This is easy. Like we will get all. What was 148 on the plane? We got 147. Just gonna find that last chair. Won't be far from here. But nobody launched because they weren't buckled in. That's the only reason why this is the again. If we have monsoons that, that jump up to the point where power lines are getting broken in half and falling on us. I'm with Greta. Something's going on because I've lived here for 40 years and never once have I been in a monsoon or I'm like these poles are all coming down. You realize this is this. We're looking 160 miles an hour wind. They don't even talk about that in Florida. During hurricanes, like those power poles go bust like twigs.

[Brady]

They shut off the power on that. They've already, you know, predicted. They're on time with the hurricanes now and the odds and now that it's going to be worse because we have less FEMA.

[Chris]

It's 200. Yeah, well FEMA is going to kill everyone. Well actually what I heard was is that FEMA is just going to go and mow people down now. Like they've taken a total. Like they, if they show up, they just start shooting. They don't. They're not going to help you. They're just going to kill you. That's what the news wants you to believe. FEMA just rolls in and goes, you think you got trouble with the hurricane? You ain't met fema. And they just clean it up. That's how they do that. They clean now like the Italians. We're going to do some cleaning down there in Florida. These whiny bitches. You guys got waterfront property now. What are you bitching about? That. That's the over 200,000 hurricanes predicted in the month of August. And FEMA is going to come, and they're Gestapo at this point. But yeah, Worst. Worst news story I've ever heard in my life by far. What to do if a power pole is laying on you from Jim Sharp and Mr. Ladonna Harvey. It's not news, and it's not even scary. It's ridiculous. Second news story I saw was that the lawyer for Luigi Mangioni asked the judge, hey, can we unshackle him? Are you.

[Brady]

No flight risk?

[Chris]

The dude in the flight. I said, he's no. He actually. His words were, he's no danger to anybody. Now this dude shoots people when they're not looking. Keep them tied up. What the are you talking about? He's no danger? That's when he is a danger, is when I'm not paying attention.

[Brady]

Look at him. He's gorgeous.

[Chris]

And that's the other thing. I watched a little of this thing. There's people like. Like Harvey, what's his name from TMZ was like, well, then let's look at what.

[Brady]

Because he's.

[Chris]

He's got this manifesto red notebook that he wrote down everything in. In October before he killed the dude in December. And he's like, I. He said, what was I supposed to do? Bomb the insurance company's headquarters? No, that's terrorism. I wanted to do something that minimized damage to people but still made a political point. And. And they're debating whether or not that. Well, that's. That's fairly thoughtful. And I'm like, if he was ugly or creepy looking, this wouldn't be a thing.

[Brady]

They're gonna go with. He saved lives, right?

[Chris]

Yeah, that's it. He was a. He's a good. Look at him. I'd nail him. He's hot. The eyebrows are a little thick, but come on.

[Byron]

He looked like one of us.

[Chris]

If it was me in that courtroom, they'd shackle my head to my face. I mean, like, I don't really turn me inside out. I'd be done.

[Brady]

They would Double down. If you put the shackles off, put more on.

[Chris]

Cut the back of his skin and pull it over his eyes. They look. I don't want to look at him. He's disgusting. Like, he's guilty. Like, this dude sits there and he's like, dude, we unshackle this handsome beast. This. This son of a Is beautiful. Like, there's no reason to be mad. He only killed the guy he was after. He's not after any of us. That's what a murderer wants you to think. Like, if he wasn't handsome.

[Brady]

Cameras in the courtroom. I don't want people to experience.

[Chris]

Yeah, it's with me. They're like, the courtroom drawer. I need to wait in a new guy. We'd have courtroom sketches, but these sketch artists has thrown up on his work. Every time he looks over at the accused, Mr. Holmberg, and he can't draw him anymore. And we'll just come out like hilarious, cartoonish versions of me.

[Brady]

Just put. They put a nose on the chair.

[Chris]

A nose and shackles. We shackled his giant nose. We look at him. Yuck. Political statement, my ass. You're the worst person alive. Luigi Mangione does it. And they're like, can we unshake? Come on. Look at him. Not gonna hurt anybody. Like, wait. The dude shoots people when they got their backs turned. He's the biggest coward on the planet, but the only reason he's getting defended is because of how he looks. I had this argument with a girl here. She's moved away since. She's like, no way. I'd blow him for 18 hours solid for what he did. And I'm like, that's terrible. I'm like, by the way, he's no hero. Because a hero who does a political statement drops his gun and puts his arms up and says, I did this because I'm doing it for everyone. You don't run. You don't go. You don't try to get away. If you're a hero and you're making a statement, you stand up to that statement. Your goal is, I'm going to sacrifice myself for the greater good. He ran away immediately. Shot a guy in the back and ran away. It took a day or two, right? Found him a while later, and then they were worried about the kid at McDonald's who spotted him and said, hey, you're that guy what shot that dude. I've seen you on the news. I'm like, wow. Son of a. How dare you turn in that handsome devil. I can't believe that. And they're good for the judge. Like, no, we're not unshackling him. If I turn my back, he'll shoot. He doesn't have a gun. That's what we thought before. You don't unshackle a shooter. Who's the back? If it was me, it would be called the back turn murderer. I'd be like, the cowardly back turn murderer. Luigi. It's like, you know, the handsome. The handsome martyr. Like, I don't.

[Brady]

He's playing to the jury there.

[Chris]

He doesn't have one yet. He's just got to do the judge right now because they're even working. It's like, this is just a hearing. How can he get a fair trial when he's in the orange jumpsuit and the shackles? Like, if that's true of everybody, why is he getting a break? Everybody. Every. I guarantee you that anybody watching what I watch that happened to be African American. Ain't this a bitch? Like, you get the orange. Can we put him in a nice suit so he looks better in this orange jumpsuit? I mean, it just screams guilty. He is guilty. He said so. You're reading the book that says, I'm gonna do this. I did this here. That's as guilty as you can get.

[Brady]

He planned it for a year, your honor, and he pulled it off. Give him some respect.

[Chris]

How does he get a fair trial dressed up in this orange jumpsuit like a common killer, with a manifesto stating exactly what he was gonna do and then his name on it? What do we do? What kind of kangaroo. What are you running here? Kind of circus am I involved in? Sorry about Luigi. Your hair looks fantastic. You don't unshackle the killer. I always do. Find.

[Brady]

Not a manifesto. It's a diary.

[Chris]

It's a diary of future plans. And they all came true. True. And he's the only one who did it anyway. It was weird, but it's fun. It's fun to be sick and watch TV the whole time and realize, oh, yeah, the world's never going to be un crazy. And I don't know how anybody emailed, like, listen to my Greta Thunberg thing and turned it into, oh, yeah, well, Trump, you're also crazy. I understand what you're saying. Trump's an egomaniac, too. I thought nobody was defending Trump by saying, greta Thunberg's a nut bag. Both things can be true at once, by the way. And that drives the political tribalists nuts. When you say something about something they agree, they automatically attack the opposition to think because. Because If I don't like Greta, that must mean I love Trump. Yeah. We live in a world that's only black and white, and if you don't like her, that means your guy. I'm like, nope, not my guy either. Both. I think both of them are a little bit off. But at least Trump never goes out there crying. If he did, it would be like, all right, put the big coat on him and let's get him in a padded room. I just want everyone to know, like, oh, Donald's gone. Remember how much fun we made Alex Jones when he started to cry about testosterone levels being too low in men? Which was ironic that it brought him to tears? I'm like, you might be right.

[Brady]

Someone just posted the. The greatest cry of all time, and it was that guy from the tlc.

[Chris]

Oh, yeah, the intervention show. Yeah. Yeah. Which we had in here for the longest time, but it is by far the best weep in the history of man weeping and. And hasn't heard in a miracle. Oh, it's long. Yeah, I don't think I have it anymore, but it is one of the. It is one of the finest cries, I don't think, because it goes into.

[Brady]

You know, the son who has a pretty strong cry himself.

[Chris]

Oh, here it is. Worst cry out. This is a man. He ain't done yet. Shut up. The waiters coming. The waiter's coming. Shut up. They're gonna think I did this. Jesus Christ. You talked yourself into that?

[Byron]

Sounds like one of those goat videos. Yeah, where they just start screaming.

[Chris]

I don't know what you're talking about. I don't think you're fat. And just. You know what? Let's not. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Come on, come on. Everybody at Applebee's is looking. Come on.

[Brady]

We're out of the riblets.

[Chris]

I didn't do anything. She's upset about something. A friend died. A friend died. I'm totally innocent here. Shut up. Quit telling her to shut up. Let her live. You shut up, too, lady. Who are you, anyway? Don't unshackle the killer. And Greta's in it for the travel. That's my. Those are my takes for this morning. 6:24. Let's get a wake up song. Find out where Brett's going. It's Thursday, and that means Operation Hydration is back out there and get yourself over where Brett is going and drop off some envelopes of cash. Oh, west side. Today. Brett's flashing. Flashing the sign.

[Byron]

I'm getting ready.

[Chris]

We'll see where Brett's going in just a moment. Get over to the west side and drop off some water and help out the Phoenix rescue mission with operation hydration this year, which is a phenomenal thing. Trying to get to a million bottles. That's gonna be tough. So we need some companies. We need some corporate groups to come by. Drop a few hundred bucks for Brett. If you're a company, you're like, you know what? This would be nice. A nice tax ride.

[Byron]

I'll go shopping for you.

[Chris]

We're good. If you've recently said something that you felt that was wrong, you should probably financially punish yourself for that by giving to Brett. It's ve not very. Hand over some money to Brett and have him do good things with it. That's how that works. Otherwise, Brett's.

[Brady]

He's our Greta Thunberg.

[Chris]

That's right. Brett's gonna stand in the parking lot, we'll take the salt out of those tears, and no one will be thirsty ever again. Give us that Wake up song. 585-9800? A good one and we'll scream it together? It's 98 KUPD. Wake Up. Hey. It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.

[Brady]

No membership fees.

[Chris]

I have heard enough of this.