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John Holmberg
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Good morning everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Wednesday. It is 5:45. This is the Morning Sickness. My name's John, brought to you by Mucinex. There's Brady, there's Brett, and there's Big Dick Toledo. Off we go. I didn't drink the Mucinex before I left today. I put it in a little cup and I put it in the car and I had it after I got here, took a shot in the car, which when all these construction workers go walking by, they see me sitting in my car. I get a wave now and again from them and I'm doing shots to start the morning. They gotta think I'm insane. So I took a shot. I felt that stuff kick in from the car. To the front door of the building.
Brady
Come on.
John Holmberg
Yeah. About 12, 15 steps. I'm like, woof. There it is. It's like fireball. It's amazing. And I'm, you know, and I'm buzzing. So, you know, just prepare yourself. Good. Probably gonna cost me a few bucks today to do the show, but that's all right.
That's what makes it fun.
That's what makes this thing win. Sure, I'm losing my ass on the thing because I pay to work, but what are you gonna do? It's interesting. Gotten emails with a few people yesterday. I was like, yeah, the Mucinex is affecting your brain about marches and things like that. I'm like, look. And all I kept. Because I was on Mucinex, typing back. I'm like, I just came up with a new idea yesterday. I. Watching these, I'm actually entertained by the protest march and the potential. We watch those marches on tv like we watch nascar, I think. I don't think anybody wants a successful. I think we want the draft. Yeah, we. Boring if it wasn't. So I started thinking, maybe it's just for entertainment's sake.
Brady
Maybe it's how fun of watching successful marches, right?
John Holmberg
It's. Yeah, like a whole indie race without a wreck. An immigration march without some sort of fire or a car. Come on, that's boring. And I started thinking, well, wait, it's entertainment based. Of course it is. I did have the idea. And this is Mucinex based too, because my idea yesterday, and I think it's pure white privilege that makes me think this way. And also that I'm totally kind of against the marches. Like, I'm on the other side. And call me political, whatever, but I'm on the side of, if you're here illegally, you should go. That's just me. They got that one Instagram guy. What's his name? Copy Lame. You know, that is. He's this dude from Senegal who just watches a video and then just does his hands. Like, can you believe this?
Brady
Yeah.
John Holmberg
And he's the most popular person on the Internet. And that's not an exaggeration. He's like, they found him. And they're making a big deal in the news this morning about him getting sent back to Senegal because he overstayed his visa. And I'm like, well, that's the point of a visa's expirations. Like, once you overstay, it's time to go. Yeah, that's. I watched my movies where people are worried about that.
Brady
So even had it. I mean, all experience. It was a couple years ago, but Ian Canfield had to jump through all sorts of hoops to get just to stick around.
John Holmberg
Yeah, he was worried, but I mean, again, he was going through the, you know, through the process. Then I started having a Mucinex thought of like, well, yeah, let's not. Like, everybody seems to be bothered by all the opposition to it standing there and that seems to stir it up and maybe it does, but how about we take two. Like my idea of just let them march, no cops and stuff. But if it starts getting out of hand, we take one of those helicopters that puts fires out and drop tear gas on them or some sort of liquid. Yeah, I think that's a good idea too. Just keep an eye on them from above. And it's like, oh, if they start.
Brady
Getting out of hand or start looting, the same stuff. The flame retardant.
John Holmberg
Yeah, just dump that. I don't think you can breathe real good with that nowhere. You can just like a ton of that. Keeps pounding them and like, all right, that's enough. It's time to go home. Something else, like, it's just. I don't quell any car fires, but I realized yesterday. I'm like, I'm not, I'm not. I don't like. The reason it's easy for me to say, just ignore it is because I feel like I'm like I'm on. Like I have a position. I'm like, oh, if you're here, if you're waving a flag of another country and you're yelling, I want to stay. I don't get you. You don't make sense to me.
That's the Mucinex talking.
Is it the Mucinex? Again with the above? The eagle drops. Oh, yeah. Oh yeah. The flying eagle drops of flame retardant powders. I don't know, it's just. It is the Mucinex. It is fun to be on Mucinex and try to solve some of the world's problems. I mean, give me a topic. I'll sol on Mucinex. It's great. I can. I can fix anything at this new game. Yeah, John's high. Give him something. That is a great idea. I'll take shots of Mucinex even when I'm fine. And then we come up with topics and see what my brain does. First reaction. How to solve a problem. Geez. Cuz my.
It's going to cost you some money.
Yeah. What would? Insanely. Yeah, it would. It's going to. I'm probably going to End up. Yeah. There's going to be, like, final solutions to things. I'm like, oh, boy, that's not a good idea.
Brady
Spitballing some stuff.
John Holmberg
Yeah, well, cranked out on allergy meds because this stuff is. It affects me. I cannot yawn on Mucinex with. I've said this a million times. I did it in the hallway yesterday. I was walking down, I started to yawn. I'm talking about something about it. My whole body reacts like I'm about to have a full out orgasm. I know when I yawn or stretch, I'm like, oh, boy. Get your towels. Who knows? And it feels like it takes me right to the edge. And then I'm like, what is going on? It's Mucinex. You're like, give me more mucin. I love this stuff. Then you start realizing, that's why meth heads. That's why we have to keep this stuff behind glass. Some of these people are having the time of their lives on an accelerated version of this. I would never do that. I get enough out of just the Benadryl. It's phenomenal. Yeah, you got to look up that Kabi Lame guy. He's. He's the one who made me realize that there's absolutely no reason to try a profession. If I was young, I'd be like, okay, just keep throwing out content until something sticks. He's got a billion viewers all over the world, and he doesn't talk, just reacts to it. Right. Doesn't even react. He just does his hands. Like, look. That's it.
Brady
I think I know you're talking about.
John Holmberg
It's completely uninteresting, and he's just made a killing. But they're like, he's being. You know, he got harassed by immigration officers. I'm like, no, he didn't. Like, dude, just had. He just didn't have his visa in order. Yeah. His videos are like, watch Brady. This is a video of Kabi Lame. He's up on the screen. Image of a toilet paper roll that's been mechanized with some sort of a joystick that's. Aw. Then it takes. It's kind of a neat little invention. And then you take the toilet paper off of the thing. It's a nice little fold. There's. That's him. Yep. That's all he does. And he looks at the toilet paper, and then he does the easier way. And all he does is just kind of point at things. That's it. And he's. How many followers are on here, Brett? Like, a billion. The dude is huge. He was the one that made me realize, oh, there's absolutely no reason to try if you're younger. Just keep doing stupid stuff until something happens and he'll make bajillion dollars. That's why I gotta give Mr. Beast. He actually comes up with ideas.
He's walking around as Tony the Tiger.
Hey, look, give him credit. For some reason this worked. And he's got millions of dollars and him and Tony the Tiger are digging a hole. You know what it is? And he was the one also that I said this. He's going to bring back slapstick comedy because this is like silent movies.
So he doesn't talk?
Not at all.
Brady
No, he.
John Holmberg
He just points at things like a mime. Yeah. And everyone hates mimes. Yeah. Nobody. Come on. He's a mime who doesn't even put the makeup on. It's lazy miming.
162.3 million followers on tick tock.
162.3 million to watch a dude go, look, this happened. It's crazy. But anyway, so he gets detained. So I'm kind of on one side, but I do like my idea of air dropping some sort of, like some sort of deterrent onto marchers when they got out of hand. You march and then the second break a window, everybody eats the dirt. And that would keep like every. These are just my Mucinex ideas. People. Don't get too crazy with me. Like, let's just imagine you're in a march. Brady and I are marching. We're like, we hate this. We hate you. And then we're marching along. And then Brett goes nuts and busts the window and steals some TV stuff. And I go. And then you see the truck. Yeah, but then the helicopters come by and just start dropping some sort of a liquid that makes us all cry. And like we can't see. And we're like, dammit, Brett. It would be Brett's fault. And we'd turn on our. We'd turn on him because everything was going fine before you jacked around. And then we got dumped on. So we just keep it like little drones flying filled with poisons of some sort and we dump it. Is that a bad idea? I think that's a good idea.
Brady
You'd have to put on a pre shock call or protest march if you get out of hand.
John Holmberg
See, I think you'd have to get a lot of people to agree that's expensive. And I know my way is not cheap. But everybody, then you have to assume how many people are coming. They're going to have catches for you. There's no catch for dropping some sort of a. A liquid tear gas of some sort onto a crowd. Yeah, look, it's Mucinex. But it's something. It's something better than what's going on. Even though I have realized in the last 24 hours, oh, yeah, this is all for TV. I forgot. This is an entertainment thing. There's a good guy, there's a bad guy for everybody, whichever side you're on. There's fire, which people love. There's potential yelling, which people. And people still get a kick out of seeing, like, the F word on TV or hearing somebody cuss. And they didn't catch it because they had f ice all over the place. And Cuomo, I was watching his show, and he had to, like, I'm so sorry for all the. The language in the background there. It's like there's nothing we could do. We try to keep it, you know, keep that. Well, they painted it everywhere, but it was. It felt like you're getting away with something. It felt dirtier than normal. News.
The Korean shop owners on the rooftops.
They'Re getting up there. They don't. They don't go down there too much. That's for sure.
They learned the last time.
Yeah.
Brady
Do you think more damage would happen if it. You had to pay five or ten bucks to protest?
John Holmberg
If it costs a few, you gotta pay.
Brady
Yeah.
John Holmberg
So you're thinking, though, there's turnstiles and an orderly beginning.
Brady
Well, no, you know, if whoever's putting together the protest.
John Holmberg
Yeah.
Brady
I mean, like, if there's a fee, but that would maybe.
John Holmberg
I mean, it's not like waiting up the line for Space Mountain, but I think, like, you.
Yeah, exactly. I think you do have to pay to have some sort of. But you get a permit. But if every. If there's no permit and enough people just start walking down the road, they're.
Like, can you get a fast pass?
Yeah, yeah. I'm not waiting in the lines to protest. It's too damn hot.
Brady
Would people. Would people continue the protest? Like, yeah, you can. It's 10 bucks.
John Holmberg
I'm out a few dollars. Brady's made protesting a capitalist's dream, which is kind of what they're against.
Dick Toledo
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John Holmberg
Holmberg's Morning Sickness Sorry, can't protest. Didn't kick in. Guess there's no protest. What's the money go to? Well, oddly enough, we pay for a police force that way, so. Got fun out there.
Brady
Cover the damage.
John Holmberg
Yeah, no, I like my idea. I like the just drop and some Stop banging into windows. Come on. What would you do that for? There's a bunch of good people out there. Like a really, you know, people who actually are trying to do something and it gets crazy. It's fun. Fun to watch. But again, I have to remind myself I'm a white guy, so it doesn't resonate with me. It's like, knock it off. Like, it's easy for me to say knock it off. I don't go through any of that stuff. Seems like an easy knock it off, though. At least wave the right flag.
Look at a he said Japan's got the right idea.
Japan does. Says in Japan, they spray the protesters with blue indelible dye. That way they can arrest them later. They turn them blue. They smurf them.
Yeah.
How cool is that? That's a great idea.
Brady
Like a dye pack in the money bag.
John Holmberg
But that's arresting everyone who's blue. Like, maybe that guy a bad dude.
Well, hey, man, shouldn't be wrong place.
That's not protesting. I'm for protesting. I just don't understand, like, when it gets out of hand. I do like watching it. I have to admit, I do turn it on. I'm like, ooh, what's going to happen? I can't help it. I watch. I don't like Car races. I don't care about nascar, but when it's on, I'll watch a few laps and like, was anybody going to do anything terrible? And they don't. And I'm not just watching traffic. That's how I see the races. I get why people like it, but for me it's just like, oh, when this is going well, it's just traffic. When there's a wreck, it's potentially like the most awesome thing ever. You know, we don't go to watch movies where car chases where they don't bang into anything. Like you have to have somebody smash into something. It's fun anyway. And of course, this was off of yesterday. It all stemmed from the guy who yelled at me about COVID because I tested for Covid on Friday and then Sunday tested again and didn't have it, but still feels like Covid. But it's weird. I don't care that I have it. He claimed that I've been paid. And again, I'm. All I'm asking for is whoever's out there paying people to talk about COVID You know my numbers. 585-9800. We're at 1100 North 52nd Street. Come on down, let's have a chat about what it costs to tell people Covid still exists. I don't care that it does, but this Blake guy says I. Oh, no, I can't mention that one. Nevermind. I can't say it because he said, don't use my name and I just used his real name. Anyway. I had heard from some people that it's a big problem for hospitals still. He had a few choice words in there that he was like, yeah, but yeah, so it still exists. So if that thing that these conspiracy theorists know is real, where the media is getting paid, please, for God's sakes, find me.
We'll endorse Covid.
Yeah, I'll be for it. Yeah, I mean, my normal. I'm using it right now. So it goes right into my philosophy is if you can't endorse it if you're not using it. I am currently. I think I'm currently using Covid. I think it's in my system in a weird way. So, yeah, that dude claimed that it was never real. It wasn't even an actual illness.
Brady
There needs to be a Covid. NASCAR sponsored, you know, a car that's like 4Co.
John Holmberg
Yeah. From those people that are out there that won't bother, that are paying to keep it alive. You'd think that they would have Some marketing team. Like, we need a nascar. That's. That group of people needs to be the ones we lean into.
Billy Joe, Jim Bob Racing, sponsored by Covid.
And I know the people that believe this think I'm lying. And this is. This is exactly what somebody who's being paid by the COVID lobbyists would say. I've never been approached. Now, I don't know if you guys. Brett. Not that, you know, you haven't either. Brady, Brett, Brett. Brett's. That's exactly what a guy who would approach by Covid would say. The COVID money. I don't know.
Ed came up to me the other day, says, hey, would you be interested in.
Moynihan Took me in a room, turned the lights off, and he goes, you need to shut up about this. But we've got big Covid money, and they want you as their spokesperson. I'm like, geez, what are they offering? 10 grand a month? My God. Damn it. I'm into Covid. I'll get. I'll catch it for that.
Brady
I turned down super gonorrhea two weeks ago.
John Holmberg
See that. That lobby's not moving as well. And I don't think you're the brand. I don't think you're the guy that they want. We got Bogan for super gonorrhea. Nobody's gonna believe this. Sir. I know he's gonna be speaking to a lot of guys like him who don't know that it's possible to get it from pure abstinence. It's amazing.
Brady
Show tune, lined up a dance.
John Holmberg
Yeah, it was great. I would like to. Yeah. Pay some age. Yeah. I owe Bella money, which is the worst thing in the world. What? For what?
The antidote to Payson AIDS or something or what.
Twin brother who looks to. I mean, they're identical twins. To where it's the same guy. It's just. I was on Mucinex. I think I split him in half. He got me an autograph Steeler thing at some auction.
Oh, okay.
And then he's left it here, and he's been trying to get me to Venmo, and I keep forgetting. So I. I owe a guy from Pace and money, which pretty much means I wouldn't. Probably why I have the COVID He probably sprinkled it all over my office. An eight ball pays a pace.
Now that's a pace and peso.
The pace and peso is an eight ball. This guy says, as a United States citizen of Mexican descent, I say we go after both parties, Democrats and Republicans. They always promise change in some sort of reform, an immigration agenda, then get put. They put it on the back burner. It's like the wife that says, you do this and I'll give anal, and then you do it and she doesn't give anal. That's right. That's a great analogy. That's brilliant, Daniel. You get. You get anal when you do a chore, which I've always been against because I've considered that terrorist negotiations. But we need to consider the Democrats and Republicans as wives who don't give up anal. How long would you tolerate that with your wife if she's not going to even give up anything? But she makes you do all sorts of chores.
Oh, I can't wait for the next debates when the anal subject comes up.
Oh, yeah, it is true, though. All the same problems keep happening and nobody and everybody keeps getting deeper and deeper with their party, which I don't get. I don't know. I'm on Mucinex. You can't go asking me questions. My ideas are very cartoonish right now and hilarious and hopeful. Like, it's weird. Mucinex makes me hopeful. I think that's why I had the idea yesterday. Just let him march. Let him watch the problem. And then you watch them like, oh, yeah, they'll lose control. That was kind of crazy to think that that would be possible, that people would be responsible with their thoughts, and they're not. And of course, you need to have people fighting back. It's more fun when there's fire. But quit burning waymos, by the way. What did they ever do to you? Like, that's like burning iPhones. It's the most convenient. It's like burning a doordash. It's the most convenient thing that's ever happened. And we're burning them up. It's just going to. Wemos are like $12 to drive, you know, all the way across the city. It costs nothing. Uber drivers hate them because Uber's cost like 30 when Waymo cost 10 or 15. It's amazing the Waymo costs. You start burning them up, they're gonna have to build new ones. It's gonna jack the price up on all of us.
And you gotta listen to Uber drivers.
And I got some dude who's mad at that. He might be wanting to be at a protest. People always say that getting away. What if somebody takes it over and passes it? What if the dude behind the wheel is pissed off about something? And here's the conversation, like, Brett and I are in the back seat. And Brett starts bringing up some wild, you know, topic. And the Uber driver hears us talking and he's completely against it. He's like, I'm going to kill these two. I'm going to put them on a wall. I'm more worried about a human being Uber driver than I ever am. An empty car that has to get hacked to drive into a wall. It's nothing. Plus, I can reach over and slam it into park at any time. Don't do that. By the way, Kevin from Waymo in India gets real mad real fast when you touch that wheel. Trust me, I touched it once trying to honk the horn and the place blew up like I was in Cash Cab. Please do not touch any of this stuff at the driver's side. Like, he was in the car immediately. Yeah, I'm more worried about him. I took that trip from West Loop to the airport with that dude, and he was barking about the airport, and he lives by it and he hates the United States. And I'm in the car on the freeway in Chicago with some dude who absolutely hates it here. First I gotta go home, bro. Okay, I'm going to. I'm going home today. Hopefully foreign. Foreign. But yeah. So I worry more about an Uber driver having a bad day than Waymo. Can't have a bad day. Don't burn up Waymos. We have to have that be like a. That has to be like a massive life sentence if you burn up a Waymo. Because they're there for our health. There are no bad days in a Waymo. Nobody's gonna hack a Waymo and drive it into anything. They could do that to your car right now if you've got a newer car, they've got the Uconnect and whatever Ford does, OnStar and all that stuff, they can break into your car and.
You'Re starting to sound like Flip now.
It's true.
Get yourself a 91 Dodge Ram.
I've been driving across country 2012 Jeep Wrangler, and I don't know that it can be. I think my key fob is beyond. Because it doesn't. I don't know, maybe I don't understand the key fob thing.
Brady
I just need one. Technically, the fob.
John Holmberg
Yeah, you got your phone. But that means that there's constant communication of your car.
Brady
Yep.
John Holmberg
I just learned that a couple weeks ago. I didn't know that. That's why I've been driving Whitey so much. Because my car actually, it has a button I have to push to unlock the doors, but it doesn't automatically unlock. And I don't know if that's something those dudes. I watched a video. My buddy Winston sent me a video of dudes stealing a car with the antenna where they just walk by houses until the car goes beep, beep. And then a dude hops in. It's. It's incredible. Like, oh, waymos are. Waymos are for. For us all. Do not f with waymos. That's just something I. Uber drivers. Lose it. Guy said. You're right, John. Remember that driver in Kalamazoo, Michigan, that just snapped, killed six people? It wasn't on a cracker barrel. He just kept driving around, firing away. Yeah, this one. Andre's right. Pass a bill that says waymos are considered human and they have brains and feelings. I like that. I think waymos have feelings should be written on the sides of Waymo. It's adorable. This little inanimate object drives you from place to place. It's like Wall E. It's like living in Pixar. You get in a car, and its only goal is to make sure you safely get to the place you've asked in a comfortable way. Play spa music if you want. So relaxing. There's nobody in there who's had a bad day. No Al Qaeda driving. No dude from the country I've never heard of that's furious at the current administration. Yeah.
Brady
It's seen as an evil car.
John Holmberg
Yeah. And that's the one that's seen like, oh, geez, I wouldn't do that, man. They'll lose control.
Dick Toledo
It's Dick Toledo from Holmberg's Morning Sickness. For Chime, the checking account that helps you manage your money better. Wouldn't it be nice to have a checking account that helps you and not just charges you fees? No one likes being hit with an overdraft fee. And with Chime's Spot Me feature, you'll be covered for up to $200 until your next deposit. Chime will also never charge you a fee or interest when you need that Spot Me coverage. Your Chime account also gets you free cash from over 50,000 ATMs, more than the top three banks combined. So move toward a better financial future with Chime and get started today@chime.com Holmberg. You'll open your Chime checking account in two minutes. That's chime.com Homeberg Chime feels like progress. Banking services and debit card provided by the Bancorp NA or Stride Bank. NA members. FDIC Spot Me eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Fees apply at out of network ATMs. MyPay eligibility requirements apply. Credit limits range from $20 to $500. $2 fee applies to get funds instantly. Chime checking account required. Go to chime.com disclosures for details.
John Holmberg
Homeburg's morning sickness. And everybody's got an example. What about the one that drove around the airport? Like, no. Got hurt and it just got a little bit confused. It's worth it. It's brand new. Wow. I want all cars to be Waymo. That would be. Road rage. Would go away, people. You can't lose your mind in a Waymo. You can't. It's impossible. Although I did ride in a waymo with Larry McFeely, and he side seat drives the Waymo.
What?
Yeah, he talks to it because he'll go, watch it, dude. Hey, what are you doing? Like, I'm Larry, there's nobody to talk to. Like, what are you doing? He goes, this thing's just going to go at the red light.
Brady
Keeping it on its toes.
John Holmberg
I don't think you're yelling at it is going to do anything.
Brady
Oh, cars coming out.
John Holmberg
He's like, hey, hey, watch it, Watch it. Like, larry, just relax. We're in a Waymo, man.
Brady
I think another is quit chucking bricks at border patrol cars.
John Holmberg
That's a. I've seen a lot of that. Stop throwing rocks at anybody, Brady. How about just quit chucking bricks at cars? That's a good one.
Brady
Speaking more of the protesting part.
John Holmberg
Sure, sure. And I'm with you on that, but let's just. Maybe we just make a steadfast rule that no matter what, you don't throw rocks a car.
Brady
Where are they getting the bricks anyway?
John Holmberg
I learned that.
Start that one, because that's another conspiracy. They're saying people are dropping bricks off. Yeah, yeah.
I watched a dude hitting a sidewalk with a hammer, like a curb, and he's just taking the chunks and giving them to another dude and they're handing them out. I'm like, that's pretty. That's ingenious. Really. Anyway, it's just silly, but I do. I am enjoying the TV aspect of it. But again, that's Mucinex. That's me being white and just looking and going, man, I don't know what's going on here. And I've never, ever, ever felt the need to march. I just don't. I just don't have it in me. I don't know what would. I know what would make me march. Like, if they just banned dogs, I guess that would be the thing and be like, all right, I'll. I'll get. I'll get on that. But not in June. Like, not in June. I'm not marching in June. If they ban dogs, I'd like, we're gonna have no dogs until the weather gets better. But once that weather gets good, I'll be down there. And I think I'd just drive to the Capitol and hang around in there and talk to people until I annoyed.
Them into just parked on the AC running in the car.
I don't think. I don't think I'd actually walk the whole way. I'll meet you guys down there. And then I'd stand in the ending and then try to get in. I wouldn't do it on a Saturday when they're closed. I'd go like on a Monday at noon. And then I'd go in there and be like, I need to talk to some people about some stuff. And I'm not leaving until. And then when they close, I'd just stay there. They could lock me up.
Brady
I just ask, where the. Where's the final destination?
John Holmberg
That's what I mean. I'll meet you there. Waymo in Seth, set up the band. Tell you what, it kills two birds. I'll Waymo down there and you guys can burn up my car when I get out. It's crazy, but it is. It is weird to watch. And it seems like it's for our entertainment at this point. Bobby Lavender, Big Perp, our new black listener that started chiming in yesterday. I said shout out to you guys. Love being Bobby Lav and Big Perp. Good names or a quick context from last question. What she said. If your favorite superhero was to lose all its powers and you had to get amputate a limb and your family becomes rich, or give up two of your family members, they kill them and then you become rich. Or you spend a month in jail and you're injured, but you live forever. We had a debate about that. He said, here's another one. This is all Big Perp does. The baby is yours and the woman has agreed to pay child support. However, woman 1 has a six figure paying job, but she looks like Sasquatch. Due to her job requirements, you'll have 9010 custody or woman 2 is a 10 in all aspects but minimum wage and is a whore. Let you know after the fact. She's got two guys in the rotation and no kids. Custody is 50. 50. They pay you until the baby turns 18. But you denounce either one of your choosing. You pay Back the child support. This is what this dude does for his days. He comes there along.
Yeah. Big perpetua.
This is. No, when I read this, I'm like, oh, this is what it's like to have new black listeners. Well, he's always thinking about child support. Yeah, this was Big Perp's way of saying, it's always on my mind. This is a lot. And if you're thinking about this this much, just pay your child support. Why do you have to throw in these scenarios? Yeah. First off, don't have sex with women who look like Sasquatch without protection. Or at all.
I'm going with or at all.
Yeah. In the second one.
Brady
Six figure Sasquatch.
John Holmberg
Yeah, well, and it's because her job requires her to look like that.
Or you got the hot.
Big Perp lives in fear constantly of child support calls. So he's always putting scenarios out there. It's like preparation in a constant. Big perp. I don't understand this one. Again, being white, this never crossed my mind. So I can't even like really jump into your plan, but two emails from this guy. Big perk. And both of. First one was really good. This one is more of a live 115. I think you throw it. Yeah. They'll understand this more. Yeah, man, everybody's been through that. You know, when you hit that Sasquatch, she comes back pregnant. But she got a six figure job. Like, you've lost me. Boys, boys, you lost me. What you talking about, Holg? You don't get this. No, this is not a. This isn't. Is this an Earth scenario?
Brady
90, 10.
John Holmberg
Then you got a 9010 on that. And the other girl at 10, she don't make no money. She a hoe.
Brady
But it's 50. 50.
John Holmberg
What'd you do?
50.
You got to denounce one. I'm like, what? Did I get both of them pregnant or what happened? Just which one do you do? I'm like, okay, I'm gonna turn it to relatable stuff. Big Perp is out of his mind. I'm gonna write that down, man. That could happen. That could happen. This one says, I wonder what Mexicans that are behind the border are thinking watching Mexicans protest and destroy the country that they're currently trying to find a better way to get into for a better life. Yeah, this is. That's a. That's a white guy point. That's like a white guy point to say that there's logic involved in this. I think it's all tv. I Don't know what's going on with it. I just love Waymo and. And I hate to see them burning big perp and big perp. I like big perp. And I want more of his child support questions. If you're a black listener, try to remember this room's not gonna follow along with child support scenarios. Your thing yesterday, the white guys. What we'll get your superhero just lost his powers. No, we're all in on those things. 20 minute debate on that New balancer Nikes.
We got that.
You know, But I mean, you start breaking out the all right, you knocked up two women. It's like, all right, this is your problem. This is not going to happen for us. We don't do that. And when we do, it's usually there's a 400 fee involved and somebody's. Somebody's going in, somebody's going out. This is a phrase that big purpose understand. And a lot of white guys say, well, if it's mine, I'm going to support it. And that's just really kind of going to do the right thing. That's kind of a. We don't break out scenarios of how she looks based.
Brady
Then I'm going to marry the suspect.
John Holmberg
You're going to have to marry her. Marry a sasquatch. Wonder if you did that. Big perp and a circle are having this debate. And the white guy goes, why don't. Why don't you do what's right and get down on one knee and marry that Squatch. Oh, you're crazy. Damn. And I've watched a lot of Maury and I'm not sure I've ever seen the debate on who's going to pay for the baby. Most of the time it's everybody's denying it. Hilarious. And I'd also like to congratulate mommy empowerment groups. It has been one whole day in Phoenix where no one's been hospitalized for a mommy empowerment movement, which I'm proud of. Good job, ladies. Great work. I was reminded that in 2022, there was a group of women that tried to climb Camelback mountain and needed rescuing as well. And they were some sort of empowerment group. So it's been a full almost 40 hours since the last mommy empowerment group made us change the big safety sign out front. That has been one day since our. Let's keep the streak alive, ladies. Mommy empowerment groups. Let's stay off the hills. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Maybe today mommy empowerment group would be better off cleaning up the kids rooms while they're not even at school. How about just forcing your kids to do stuff today? Taking them to, you know, the store, grabbing some.
Brady
Go to Joann Fabrics. Liquidation.
John Holmberg
Maybe get some 409 on your way home. And teach a kid how to clean a bathroom. How about that? That's a mommy empowerment right there. Unless she's a sasquatch. Because then, mad, you'll pay 90%, but you got to denounce that. Like, you have lost me, big perp. I don't know. I feel like I'm talking to Tyreek Hill. These are problems I don't have. Or you could get a vasectomy. Damn crazy. All right, Rockefeller. Like, it's not that expensive. They're pretty. You don't want kids at all? No. Are you having free. No. Rubber sex with a sasquatch? Cause it was their playa.
That's some kind of cracker comment.
I'm gonna go ahead and say it. I think big perp is the reason why over the last 10 or 12 years, fat white ladies have had a lot more confidence. The big perp is giving them eyes. And I do that. And I just quote the. What is that line from boyz n the hood?
Which one? We got plenty.
Like, superior styles. Did you wear that number I gave you?
Oh, the Jimmy.
Jimmy had you wear that number I gave you. But wrap it up, boys. Having sex with a sasquatch. I got to give you a tip of the cap. I don't know how you do that, let alone finishing up knocking her up and then avoiding her calls. I talk to Toledo's dad. He's got all the answers.
Brady
What would Nick Cannon do?
John Holmberg
He would have the baby. Nick Cannon's different. He can afford to have 40 kids. If you're debating which. Which. Which pig to denounce, it's not really a debate. Yeah, big perp is great. I like him a lot. Yeah. He says. And this guy works with him. Says, I work with big perp. We work the overnight shift. And another black listener named Jerome. They always have these kind of scenario questions ready. What do you guys do? What do you do all night long? Come up with scenarios on how to avoid child support, which security. That's a. It's an awful stereotype, but it sounds like it might be real. Two black guys in a room doing overnights, coming up with scenarios on how to dodge child support from ugly white women. They've banked. What if she is sasquatched? And that was like, a conversation. Brett would leave the room.
Brady
Ooh, that changes.
John Holmberg
Ooh, that changes everything. Big perp say, no, no, this is not a question for this show. Stick to the superheroes or like Star wars characters or the Godfather or something like that. Yeah, like, it would make more sense if you said something along the lines of, hey, Brett, you just knocked up Talia Shire from the Godfather. You got to deal with that. You know, how do you. You know that? Brett can relate to that and Adrian.
And, you know, I mean, she's.
Brady
You have two oranges.
John Holmberg
Here's our advice. What's all this about grandkids, man? You've been using the rubbers I gave you, ain't you? There you go. That's our advice right there. Furious styles is right.
When in doubt, ask Furious.
Ask Furious. When. When you black guys have a question about paternity, click on a Furious Styles quote because that's. He's more of a dad than I'll ever be. You've been giving them rubbers I use, Right? I love Furious Styles so much. And now we want to watch it again. Let's get a wake up song. 585-9800. A good one. We'll start it today. Yeah, we'll scream it. And whatever we're doing, it's mucin. It's most powerful rocket out of control now.
Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode: June 11, 2025 Topic: Protests as Entertainment, Burning Waymos, and Custody Dilemmas
In the June 11, 2025 episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness on 98 KUPD, host John Holmberg delves into the evolving nature of public protests, expressing concern over their portrayal as mere entertainment rather than serious civic engagement. The discussion further explores the recent trend of burning Waymo autonomous vehicles, highlighting the tensions between traditional drivers and emerging self-driving technology. Additionally, listener Big Perp Bobby Lavs contributes thought-provoking custody scenarios, adding depth to the morning's discourse.
John Holmberg initiates the conversation by reflecting on the perception of protests in contemporary media:
“[03:07] John Holmberg: Maybe it's just for entertainment's sake. Of course it is.”
Holmberg suggests that modern protests are increasingly staged for viewer engagement, drawing parallels to how events are sensationalized to attract audiences. He observes that successful marches devoid of conflict are seldom broadcasted, implying that the lack of drama reduces public interest.
Brady Bogen echoes this sentiment, noting:
“[03:10] Brady: Maybe it's how fun of watching successful marches, right?”
The duo contemplates the authenticity of protests, questioning whether the entertainment factor diminishes the genuine intent behind these movements. Holmberg further muses on the superficial engagement, emphasizing that reality often lacks the dramatic elements that make such events captivating on screen.
The conversation shifts towards the unsettling rise in protests targeting Waymo's autonomous vehicles. Holmberg expresses frustration over the destruction of these self-driving cars, highlighting the economic and technological setbacks caused by such actions:
“[20:52] John Holmberg: And you gotta listen to Uber drivers. And I got some dude who's mad at that. ... Don't burn up Waymos. We have to have that be like a. That has to be like a massive life sentence if you burn up a Waymo.”
Holmberg underscores the impracticality of sabotaging autonomous vehicles, pointing out the financial burden it imposes on both manufacturers and consumers. He advocates for stringent penalties to deter such destructive behavior, illustrating his stance on preserving technological advancements.
Brady adds to the discussion by contrasting human drivers with Waymos:
“[24:27] John Holmberg: Yeah. And that's the one that's seen like, oh, geez, I wouldn't do that, man. They'll lose control.”
The hosts lament the lack of accountability in human-driven cars, emphasizing that autonomous vehicles eliminate the unpredictability associated with human drivers. They posit that Waymos, being devoid of emotional volatility, represent a safer and more reliable mode of transportation.
A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to listener Big Perp Bobby Lavs, who presents a complex custody dilemma:
“[28:05] John Holmberg: ... Big Perp Bobby Lavs Sends In Followup Custody Question ..."
Bobby Lavs introduces a scenario where a listener must choose between two custody arrangements:
Holmberg and Brady navigate through the moral and ethical implications of such a choice, blending humor with societal critique. They dissect the stereotypes presented in the scenario, highlighting issues related to appearance, financial stability, and personal responsibility.
“[32:22] Dick Toledo: It's Nick Cannon from Holmes ..."
Their analysis underscores the complexities of custody disputes, especially when compounded by societal expectations and personal biases. The discussion serves as a platform to address deeper issues surrounding family dynamics and economic disparities.
Throughout the episode, Holmberg's mention of Mucinex reveals his altered state of mind, leading to unconventional problem-solving perspectives:
“[05:24] John Holmberg: That's the Mucinex talking.”
This leads to musings on various topics, including internet personalities like Kabi Lame, COVID-19 conspiracy theories, and the role of automated systems in daily life. Holmberg humorously critiques the trivialization of serious issues, advocating for a more genuine and less sensational approach to news and activism.
He also touches upon the limitations of autonomous technology, recounting a personal experience:
“[26:01] John Holmberg: I've been driving across country 2012 Jeep Wrangler, and I don't know that it can be.”
This anecdote emphasizes the perceived superiority of autonomous vehicles in preventing road rage and accidents, reinforcing his earlier stance on the benefits of Waymo.
The June 11 episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness offers a blend of humor, societal critique, and listener engagement. John Holmberg and his co-hosts navigate through the complexities of modern protests, the backlash against autonomous technology, and intricate personal dilemmas posed by their audience. The episode underscores the challenges of maintaining authenticity in activism and the evolving landscape of transportation, all while fostering interactive and thought-provoking discussions.
Notable Quotes:
Holmberg on Protests as Entertainment:
“[03:07] John Holmberg: Maybe it's just for entertainment's sake. Of course it is.”
Holmberg on Burning Waymos:
“[20:52] John Holmberg: Don't burn up Waymos. We have to have that be like a massive life sentence if you burn up a Waymo.”
Brady on Autonomous vs. Human Drivers:
“[24:27] John Holmberg: Yeah. And that's the one that's seen like, oh, geez, I wouldn't do that, man. They'll lose control.”
Holmberg Reflecting on Listener Scenarios:
“[28:05] John Holmberg: Big Perp Bobby Lavs Sends In Followup Custody Question.”
This episode serves as a reflection on the intersection of media, technology, and personal responsibility, encouraging listeners to critically evaluate the content they consume and the societal norms they uphold.