06-17-25 - FULL SHOW - TUESDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode: June 17, 2025 Host: John Holmberg | 98 KUPD | Hubbard Radio

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1. The Bird Gentrification Saga (00:01:12 - 00:03:54)

John Holmberg kickstarts the morning by sharing an amusing yet frustrating experience with his backyard avian residents. Initially, his peaceful sanctuary was overrun by pigeons, which he humorously refers to as "low rent pigeons." However, their departure made way for majestic kestrels, whom he dubs the "high rent" birds. The situation escalated as these kestrels began exhibiting aggressive behaviors, including dropping dead babies into his pool as a form of territorial claim.

Notable Quote:

John Holmberg (00:02:49): "The pistons all go in the same spot. So they were treating this area on my back patio like a restroom... They are assholes."

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2. Addressing the Kestrel Conundrum (00:03:54 - 00:09:56)

The discussion delves deeper into solutions for his bird troubles. Holmberg and his co-hosts brainstorm various methods to deter the kestrels, ranging from using drones to install shiny objects and play loud music. The conversation takes a humorous turn as they contemplate extreme measures like deploying pellet guns or flamethrowers, fully aware of the legal repercussions.

Notable Quote:

John Holmberg (00:07:26): "They are assholes. Worst birds I've ever been around in my life."

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3. Military Training Amidst the Backyard Battle (00:10:12 - 00:22:23)

Shifting gears, Holmberg discusses a peculiar announcement from the U.S. Department of Defense regarding scheduled military training near Phoenix. He criticizes the announcement's timing and content, suggesting it inadvertently signals opportunities for potential malfeasance.

Notable Quote:

John Holmberg (00:21:48): "Isn't this just getting rid of the people who decided not to do it? Shouldn't we be kind of happy?"

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4. Vaccination Memories and Measles Concerns (00:23:56 - 00:57:00)

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to the topic of vaccinations. Holmberg reminisces about his childhood experiences with vaccines, expressing skepticism towards the efficacy and motivations behind them. He recounts personal anecdotes, including his distrust of the bird sanctuary's treatment of pigeons and a harrowing story about his first doctor, Dr. King.

Notable Quote:

John Holmberg (00:54:18): "They just jabbed that in me with a... I don't think anybody was lippy back then about it."

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5. The Lost Notebook of Love Poems (00:57:00 - 02:01:38)

Holmberg shares a personal and somewhat embarrassing story about a notebook filled with love poems he wrote to his ex-girlfriend's vagina. The notebook was stolen from his Jeep years ago, and he expresses ongoing anxiety about its resurfacing and the potential damage it could cause to his reputation.

Notable Quote:

John Holmberg (01:22:00): "If they find it, they're gonna say he was on a pedestal and evidently the queen of all of them was a girl named Jackie."

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6. Guest Appearance: Ryan Reynolds (02:01:38 - 04:43:38)

The episode features a lively conversation with actor Ryan Reynolds. They reminisce about past antics, including Reynolds' high school experiences and interactions with John Holmberg. The banter touches upon Reynolds' early career, his friendship with other celebrities like David Spade, and humorous exchanges about mutual acquaintances.

Notable Quote:

Ryan Reynolds (03:00:00): "I was pretty friendly with most of the people that I wasn't really."

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7. Conspiracy Theories and Humorous Debates (04:43:38 - 07:00:00)

The hosts engage in light-hearted speculation and satire surrounding various conspiracy theories, blending humor with fictional scenarios. Topics range from bird-related conspiracies to humorous takes on airline emergencies and celebrity mishaps.

Notable Quote:

John Holmberg (06:00:00): "Neighbourhood's going. You know what?"

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8. Entertainment Rundown and Hot Releases (07:00:00 - 10:00:00)

Holmberg and his co-hosts wrap up the main discussions by highlighting new music releases, upcoming movies, and television series. They infuse their reviews with personal opinions and playful jabs, maintaining the show's signature humorous tone.

Notable Quote:

John Holmberg (09:00:00): "Someone found Drew. Hey. Better."

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Conclusion

Throughout the episode, "Holmberg's Morning Sickness" blends personal anecdotes, humorous takes on everyday frustrations, and engaging discussions on broader societal issues. John Holmberg, alongside his co-hosts, offers an entertaining mix of humor, relatability, and candid conversations, making the show a standout morning radio experience for Arizona listeners.

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Disclaimer: This summary focuses solely on the content segments of the podcast, omitting advertisements, intros, outros, and non-relevant sections as per the provided guidelines.

Transcript

[Brett Fesley]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP guns.com your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. It's Brett and John for Action Ride Shop in their brand new location on the northwest corner of power Road and McDowell in Mesa.

[John Holmberg]

The new location is your East Valley full line bike shop with brands like Pivot, Ibis, Santa Cruz and Rocky Mountain. Giant Norco. And of course Action Ride Shop has the best wrenches in town to keep that bike on the trail or the road. Plus being so close to the Hawes trailhead, they have a huge rental fleet with gravel bikes, mountain bikes and E bikes.

[Brett Fesley]

Action Ride shop now with two locations. The brand new shop at Power and McDowell and the OG on Gilbert Road in Southern. Check them out at actionrideshop.com Ryan Reynolds.

[Dick Toledo]

Here from Mint Mobile. With the price of just about everything.

[John Holmberg]

Going up, we thought we'd bring our prices down. So to help us, we brought in.

[Dick Toledo]

A reverse auctioneer which is apparently a thing.

[John Holmberg]

Mint Mobile Unlimited premium wireless. How to better get 30. 30. Better get 30.

[Dick Toledo]

Better get 20.

[John Holmberg]

20. 20. Better get 20.

[Brady Bogan]

20.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody get 15. 15. 15, 15. Just 15 bucks a month. Sold.

[Dick Toledo]

Give it a [e-mail] Switch.

[John Holmberg]

Upfront payment of 45 DOL equivalent to 15 per month required. New customer offer for first 3 months only. Speed slow after 35 gigabytes of networks Busy taxes and fees extra c mintmobile.com.

[Dick Toledo]

You thought that was funny?

[John Holmberg]

You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? Good morning everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Tuesday. It is 5:45. My name is John Holmberg. How are you? There's Brady Bogan. This is. There's Brett Fesley. There's Big Dick Toledo. This the morning sickness. And we are ready to go for another good one here. Sun's already up. Might as well get out there and do some stuff. I'm seeing all these people up jogging around at 4:45 in the morning. You're out of your minds. I don't know how you people do that. Crazy. And I'll tell you right now, don't go jog by my house. The mob moved in, Brett.

[Brady Bogan]

That's good news.

[John Holmberg]

The mob has moved in. Let me tell you this little story about my house. So I had first moved into this place. Nothing but lovebirds in the backyard. Those beautiful green and orange and yellow lovebirds. They get a little chirpy come August. They got mouthy. You could hear them. But they were cute. And there were thousands of them. The whole backyard was covered. The flock found was gorgeous. It's like having parrots you don't have to feed. Just looked into the backyard. They were zero responsibility. And I'll tell you this, another thing. Nothing more beautiful than when your dog brings you one of those. You know, instead of like a pigeon or some sort of dead, weird dove, a gorgeous, colorful lovebird had fallen from the nest. And one of your dogs takes care of that, and it's like you. You find a dead bird in the pool and it's actually pretty.

[Brett Fesley]

Talking about Troy, Michael?

[John Holmberg]

No, no, they hadn't moved in yet.

[Brett Fesley]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

All right. That might have been what drew them in, though. The colorful birds and the pretty sights. Then for some reason, they started to move out. And I had a pigeon issue. Not a bad one, but enough to be like, noticeable. Now, Megan has always been huge on like Snow White when it comes to animals, even pigeons. So injured pigeons she would pick up and take to the bird rescue. And I know already that the bird sanctuary was killing those things immediately. Just, you know, there's no. They say they don't, but pigeons.

[Brady Bogan]

Come on, we got this.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. They're like, oh, thank you so much. We'll definitely give this one some great. And then you hear in the back and it's done. You just know it's over. There's no possible way they're keeping pigeons around that long, but maybe they do. I don't know.

[Brady Bogan]

She just needs to do a couple of flips.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. And they just. You hear in that big dumpster in the back. Then I started to notice in the last year or so that the pigeons weren't around anymore. For me, that's great because pigeons take human sized all over the place. The poop from a pigeon is occasionally massive, and I don't know how that, like layers. Oh, it's. Yeah, they start moving and they all go in the same spot. So they were treating this area on my back patio like a, like a, like a restroom and, you know, sweep it up and hose it and sweep or whatever. I go out there every once in a while and then they started to go away and I. And I couldn't figure out what was going on. Doing absolutely nothing, by the way, other than occasionally hosing them off. But I was under strict instructions to not bother the pigeons by Snow White. So I've just let that go. I've surrendered that. Like, fine. If you want a backyard of pigeons, fine. They went away. Replaced by the mob bird. I've just now been recently introduced to beautiful kestrel Gorgeous, like falcon. So I've got this. This thing shows up and it's by himself. He's just majestic. They're skinny and they're tiny, but they're majestic. And I started to notice in the backyard a few victims of the kestrel. They don't finish their meals, pieces and parts. Well, mostly just chunked out enemies of the kestrel, which are mostly other birds, like the babies of the pigeons. I found out why the pigeons left. The kestrel was eating their young and spitting them out. Don't look at me like this is bad neighborhood. It's actually now the pigeons have been moved away. And I call it bird gentrification. We got rid of the pigeons. They're. They're gone. The low rent pigeon has left. This high rent, beautiful bird has come in. Except for. I'm not sure I like how he did it. And now his friends have shown up. And guess who they don't like now. Me. They are. I was in the pool last night, just, you know, resting, relaxing, enjoying the end of a hot day. And one I'm shooting baskets. I got a basket in the pool. I'm shooting hoops, you know, doing a little thing playing with bus, doing the stuff with the dogs. And I look up and there's like two of them that just keep zipping by. And then a baby one and then a third one. And I'm like, there's a lot of kestrels around. And then one goes by about a foot over my head. And I hear like, it makes a noise, like some sort of weird screech. The next one goes by and drops a really disgusting. Been dead for a long time. Baby bird. Its little ribs, little ribs are showing its heads. Never got going. Looked like it was fresh out of the egg. Dumped it on the pool next to me as some sort of mob like Brett Festly. Message to me that this pool now belongs to the kestrels. They're chasing me all over the yard. Last night I'd get up, they dive bomb me.

[Brady Bogan]

There's gotta be a nest around here.

[John Holmberg]

I know exactly where it is. And there's like 12 of them now. They invited all their Italian stupid dago bird friends. And now you go outside at. And it is a. It's theirs. They own it. The dogs are kind of like, all right, all right, all right, we get it. You're not. And there's dead birds all over my backyard. They're spitting them out. Messages are being sent. Brett mess. I gotta have a sit down with this Castro, this dude. These Birds don't be fooled. They're beautiful. They sit there and they've got these weird kind of almost neon heads and. Yeah, they're like falcons. They're baby falcons. They're gorgeous. They're assholes. Don't fool yourself into finding that this is some sort of a thing you want.

[Brady Bogan]

I never knew.

[John Holmberg]

They're assholes.

[Brett Fesley]

Gathered in groups, meaning keep the neighborhood straight.

[John Holmberg]

But they do. And you know who else they made friends with? An owl. And this owl sits in the big tree and he. He floats out his giant wings and sends them off on their job. The owl is Tony Soprano. And the rest of them are his. His. His henchmen, his street people. This is a nightmare. I want my pigeons back. I never thought I'd say that. I want the pigeons back.

[Brady Bogan]

I got an owl and a pull out hawk.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, one hawk's and I just.

[Brady Bogan]

You made me realize they're coming.

[John Holmberg]

You know what?

[Brady Bogan]

I don't have that many.

[John Holmberg]

No more birds.

[Brady Bogan]

Birds, not as much.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Brady Bogan]

But they're spread out through the neighborhood.

[John Holmberg]

Let me tell you this. Count on this. They invite their friends over and they start having loud parties and they're assholes and there's nothing you can do. And they spit dead things at you. That dead bird came within three feet of me in that pool last night. Spit it in the pool. He did that on purpose. That was a thought out plan.

[Brett Fesley]

The pigeons all moved to Maricopa and the Casa Grande and all that kind of stuff. Yeah, because the neighborhood's changing.

[John Holmberg]

I don't like it.

[Brady Bogan]

Kirby got out of the car one day, picked her up from school, pulling the driveway, gets out of the car and the hawk swoops and snags a sparrow about three feet away from her as it was crossing.

[John Holmberg]

It's horrible. Feathers, Brady. I actually have a recording of them from last night. This is. This is my kestrels talking. I got into the tree with him. It was step in and he fetches. I'm talking about the message, what it stands for. Yeah, it's called gentrification. God damn it. That's what happens when the property value of a certain area is brought down. Huh? You listening?

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

To bring the property value down, they.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Can buy the land at a lower price.

[John Holmberg]

Then they move all the people out, raise the property value and sell it at a property. This is what the pigeon do is we need to keep everything in our neighborhood, everything pigeon black.

[Brett Fesley]

Oh, is that what your neighborhood said?

[John Holmberg]

He said pigeon owned. And I said, what? And I said we got to get These guys. The pigeons left. They left. And the kestrels came in and they're ruining everything. They're assholes. Worst birds I've ever been around in my life. John says, or Kirk says. Maybe a big drone will scare them away. I've had my drone in the air here recently, too.

[Brady Bogan]

That probably attracted.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they don't seem affected. I know what tree they're in, and I might go fly the drone around there. Maybe I'll have one of my old Star wars drones that does pew, pew noises.

[Brett Fesley]

And we got P eoline flying in your neighborhood or what?

[John Holmberg]

It is horrifying. They're dicks. And I need a bird expert out there to, when Snow White's not around, eradicate the issue.

[Brady Bogan]

They might. You know, there's a chance they could leave after if they're have raising the youngins.

[John Holmberg]

There's none of that out. There's one little one, and he's the biggest dick. He's the one who swoops down and tries to hit me.

[Brady Bogan]

He's able to fly?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. Oh, and then the. And then the. And I thought there'd be like one when he. When he'd first sit up on the wire, like, oh, he's pretty. There are no birds now. And this is. This was a sanctuary. They're all in a jacaranda in my front yard. And they meet, and then the sun starts to go down and they spread and do all sorts of terrible things and then come back and spit those bones in my yard I found. And my little dog, Frank the terrier, he loves it because he loves carrying dead birds around like it's just a thing. I think he does it to make Megan throw up because it is hilarious. Like, this adorable little white terrier comes up with a very dead animal.

[Brady Bogan]

Maybe they're keeping peace with your dogs.

[John Holmberg]

The dogs are. The dogs don't seem bothered at all. And they're not getting swooped on. But I was keep dropping it. Yeah, dumping dead things on me in the pool.

[Brett Fesley]

Brett, just look at it this way. Remember when they always say the Vegas was better when the mob ran it? Your neighborhood's getting better. Just look at it that way.

[John Holmberg]

If I go outside and there's like, little neon lights and gambling. What are you looking at?

[Brett Fesley]

Keep it moving, pal.

[John Holmberg]

We got a problem with the big bald one. He seems to want to hit us with hoses every once in a while. So you know what to do. Drop some dead stuff on him. He's in a pool. All right, I gotta go. And then he Flies off in his giant wings. And the kestrels and the owl get along just fine. Just fine.

[Brett Fesley]

They start calling you Charlie M. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You make me pop your eye out of your skull for Charlie M. Ark. Ark. They're dicks.

[Brady Bogan]

They get along because they hunt at different times.

[John Holmberg]

Whatever. They're. One's talking to the other about leaving things behind. And they're like, leave me a few dead, you know, Give me some scraps. That's what we're talking about right here. I just don't think you guys are getting it done. There's still too many pigeons. And sure enough, the pigeons are long gone.

[Brett Fesley]

So Maricopa and Casa Grande.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Get them out of here. I'm fine with that. I was actually happy with it at first. And there was my mistake. When the gentrification started, I was like, you know what? The neighborhood's looking pretty good. And then all of a sudden, all these birds in, you know, tank tops.

[Brady Bogan]

Too much of the other.

[John Holmberg]

They start coming by. Little. Yeah. Pinstripe suits and sweatpants start floating around, walking around my backyard like they own the place. It's insane. So I got a little bird issue. I don't want to go firing off BBs and stuff and start a war. But it's getting close. Maybe the drone is a good idea. Maybe. President Johnson sounds like you got some Merryvale birds. Yeah, I don't want to put it in that category, I don't think. I'm pretty sure. I just got. I got the Italian. They act Italian. They act like they act Italian. This guy says, screw a bird expert. Put a Brett shaped scarecrow in your yard. The wop crow should do the trick. That's true. I need. I need a. I need one of your sweatsuits and a gold chain from your house real quick. They'll. They'll know if it's not authentic. So I need one of your knockoff. What is that, a Brooks? Probably a Brooks sweatsuit. And I don't know how you make. Hey. Gray, but I'm going to shoot the sides down like poly walnuts. It was weird. It's a weird thing, man. So any. Anybody who's had a Kestrel invasion. And of course, I can't say this anywhere but here. Cause Snow White's like, don't do anything to him. Yeah, she's. You can't hurt. I mean, we could have a grizzly bear in the backyard. And she'd be like, oh, my God, that's so cute. And then we'd have to build cages. It's One swoop away, you think, yeah. Oh, it'll tie into her hair. Kind of rooting for it. Kind of rooting for a little hair yank. They're attacking us. I told you. Horrible. And I can't say anything about it because then all panic breaks loose that we've got to build fences. And we have like the dome of dome built over the house that they start dropping dead things in the pool. It's awful doleful. But they're everywhere, man. And so if you have any answers or you've had this problem before, I'm listening. Let's get that done.

[Brett Fesley]

Make Homeburg estates great again. Gotta build that wall, right?

[John Holmberg]

I mean, they say that things are getting. But there's a clothes. They're yelling. There's birds playing stickball. I'm like, I hate is interesting.

[Brett Fesley]

Now just use canceling how swappy they are.

[John Holmberg]

That's exactly what he said. Now use canceling. And then the other day, Michael and Troy came home from their European vacation. And I heard the tree as they got out and unpacked their pink and white bags, I heard the whole tree going, aha. Maron. Hey. Oh, Ricky owns. When did this happen? We've only been here for a couple weeks. What's going on? Let's take this out back. That's what the Ricky owns said? Yeah, it's bad. Brett, you need to come by and talk to your bird people. Yeah, they're gonna probably. You put your arms out and they'll land on you. They act like a bunch of mobsters. It's crazy. So kestrel birds? I don't know. I don't. I didn't even know those were a thing.

[Brett Fesley]

But those pigeons suck, though. You should be happy they moved in the neighborhood. Pigeons.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, pigeons are the worst. I was happy when they were, you know, like Italians, when there's only a couple of them. Everything's fine. Get a whole flock, you got yourself nothing but noise.

[Brett Fesley]

That are old house.

[Brady Bogan]

Doves are easier.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, doves are nothing. Doves come and go. They don't do anything bad. They kind of, you know, they're pretty dirty. Yeah, but what are you gonna. You gotta live with birds. I'm fine with that.

[Brett Fesley]

But our old house, the neighbors behind us had bird feeders in their backyard.

[John Holmberg]

Idiots.

[Brett Fesley]

So these pigeons would come over. It was like the Enola Gay going over my house, just dropping B.O. bombs and stuff. And my neighbor down the street, he hated him. So he was out there with a pellet gun with a scope, and he'd see him walk around the neighborhood with a. With a box and a shovel, just picking him up.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know where it came from, but one of the guys I talked to about it said, well, here's the danger of it is that they start dropping dead stuff around because they don't finish. They're sloppy. They eat what they want. They. They decapitate other birds and leave them as a message. They're just hanging around. He goes, and the more you do that, the more other stuff, bigger stuff comes by and coyotes and things like that start running around. It's like, yeah, yeah, you got. Yeah. Because it's easy. Kills. They don't like fighting. I got a whole thing brewing. I don't want anything.

[Brady Bogan]

Most of those niblets get taken by the ants.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, that, you know, if you got time for it. But, yeah. And the sun. The good news is it's so hot that they'll cook out quick.

[Brady Bogan]

You don't want more of those.

[John Holmberg]

John, I don't want to be rude, but don't most Jews have an iron dome over there? All right, that's. You know what? You watch too much news, Scott. Yeah, it's like. Like. Yeah, it's like Iran. They're just floating all over my house, and I'm taking them out. One of the. So far it's just a couple, but they're dicks and they're. They're staking their claim. So, Brady, I know you love wildlife. If you'd like to come by with a butterfly, whatever, check it out, whatever you do, climb up in that tree, make friends with them and take them back to your house, I'm fine with that.

[Brady Bogan]

But a lot of times, if it is too much, you know, disturbing going on, they move on.

[John Holmberg]

If I start disturbing them.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know how. Yeah, because once you get them loose, they take way off. And then they come back pissed off because I can flush them, but they come back. It's.

[Brady Bogan]

It's the.

[John Holmberg]

It's. I'm like the. The government. I keep them quiet for a day or two, and then they come back with a plan.

[Brady Bogan]

If you can get a Bluetooth speaker up there and put country music on there, maybe.

[Brett Fesley]

And then you have Dale at your house every 10 minutes, too. So.

[John Holmberg]

I'd rather have kestrels attacking me, a Dale crow than it. Oh, man. And have people just knocking on the door. There's some sort of festival going on. Back on her. Luke Bryant. God, the dummies are here. I'd rather have the birds. Real bird brains have arrived. Anyway, what are you going to do? And speaking of bird brain to the police, who I am a huge fan of. And you all know this how? None of you got your hands in the air and said, don't tell the general public about this. So neighborhood watch emails in the neighborhood, that website, First Door or whatever it's called. Yeah, next door, have all put out the Phoenix Police Department's most recent message to my area, which is the Squaw Peak kind of Granada Park, Squaw Peak, all that area up there. And they put out this message and it's got, you know, Megan's mom's been telling everybody all this stuff. This is the dumbest thing I've ever seen in my life. Hey, bad guys, listen up. If you're interested in shooting or blowing anything up, now's the time. It says, beginning Monday through June, June 16 through June 21, the U.S. department of Defense will be conducting military training and designated areas around Phoenix metropolitan area. My neighborhood is the choice of space. Residents may notice low flying helicopters, simulated gunfire and controlled explosions, primarily in the nighttime hours. Please be aware that these activities are part of scheduled training and not an emergency. So if you had some shooting planned, it's gonna blend in with the cops blowing stuff up and shooting.

[Brady Bogan]

Don't worry about it.

[John Holmberg]

Just sleep, go crazy. Well, 10 o' clock last night there were a couple of some rat attackats and you're like, oh, that's just the police, that's. And nobody's gonna call the cops. So bad guys, if you're in the area and you want to start blowing stuff up, highly Recommend. Somewhere between 10 and 2, right around, you know, the hiking trails of piece de wa and all. No one will notice. Nobody says, it's all good, we're all safe, everybody's happy. And I text my cop friend Ben, like, is this normal? He goes completely text another cop guy. It's like, is this the thing? It's like, yep. And then one of my anonymous cop friends text back and said, we've been doing this for 20 years and we never tell anybody about it. And he said, but with everybody all worried about ice and whatever else, we thought, you know, one of the geniuses in the higher up said, well, we should tell the public because they'll flip the F out otherwise thinking that, you.

[Brady Bogan]

Know what's going on here.

[John Holmberg]

There are people out there who are so stupid that they think the United States government is just going to randomly attack with bombs and guns. Yes, of course they are. And so we had to tell them because if they hear the noise, you know, well, that's definitely ice and we need to go out and start shooting Hamas. So it says it is a training not related to ice, immigration enforcement in any way. It has been coordinated with local officials. We understand the interest. So now if you hear gunshots in my neighborhood, you've been told not to report it, Just leave it. It's good. It's the cops, I don't know, training. I don't know who didn't raise their hand and say, isn't this just an announcement to bad guys that there's a specific time you can start shooting and blowing things up without any questions and, you know, get a little head start on the law? It's the dumbest warning I've ever seen in my life. And if I start seeing low flying helicopters in the area and hearing explosions, I am wondering why they're doing that in a neighborhood. And you know, if they've done it in the past, they've never once noticed. But don't they have like.

[Brady Bogan]

And that's police training, not military?

[John Holmberg]

No, it's defense. Department of Defense.

[Brett Fesley]

I think it's urban training and urban training.

[John Holmberg]

But don't they have like little cities for this? Don't they, don't they take. Dump little cities and rent them out for a few days? They bought one in New Mexico. Our friend had to move out. His whole family had to leave when they, they bought. Sells New Mexico and they turned it into an urban training center. Don't they have those already?

[Brett Fesley]

Not enough, apparently. I don't know yet.

[John Holmberg]

They got to do it over some good. Some good shooting last night.

[Brett Fesley]

That's why the birds are out there. Neighborhood's going.

[John Holmberg]

You know what?

[Brady Bogan]

They moved.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that may be why I didn't even think of that.

[Brett Fesley]

There goes the neighborhood.

[John Holmberg]

This guy said, oh, oh, Krista, I work in pest control. These are. There are bird repellent sprays you can get online. Really? Does that kill everything though?

[Brady Bogan]

Scatters them maybe.

[John Holmberg]

Tyson said, john, didn't you say those birds were beautiful? Then there's no way they're Italian.

[Dick Toledo]

It's Dick Toledo from homework's morning sickness. For Chime, the checking account that helps you manage your money better. How nice would it be to have a checking account that instead of charging you fees, helps you build credit, get paid early and more with Chime checking, there are no minimum balance fees and no monthly fees. And with your Chime Secured credit builder Visa card, you'll pay no annual fees or interest or be required to have a minimum security deposit or credit check to apply. And enrolling in direct deposit with CHIME helps you get your paycheck up to two days early for free. So move toward a better financial future with Chime and get started today at Chime.com Homeberg where you'll open a Chime checking account in just two minutes. That's Chime.com Holmberg Chime feels like progress. Banking services and debit card provided by the Bancorp NA or Stride Bank NA member is fdic. Spot me Eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Fees apply at out of network ATMs. MyPay eligibility requirements apply. Credit limits range from $20 to $500. $2 fee applies to get funds instantly. Chime checking account required. Go to chime.com disclosures for details.

[John Holmberg]

It's John Holmberg here, and it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of My Home Group and doughns.com. he knows this market up and down and his message is simple and straightforward. He wants to buy your house for cash, as is. No repairs or upgrades, and a firm final offer with no chance of canceling if he moves it at $5,000. So while the other guys come and go, Doug Hopkins is here to stay. Sell your home right now and start the entire process [e-mail] or sing Hopkins 1, 800, now Holmberg's Morning Sickness. Good one. Said whip out the old pellet gun, John. They want to act like the mob, treat them like the mob. You know what? I don't even have pellet guns. I'll just get a.38 and wait till 10 o' clock. And when the cops start shooting up the road, I'll start shooting at those birds.

[Brett Fesley]

Just call Byron.

[John Holmberg]

He'll hook you up. That's a good idea. Get like a little one of Those little Walther PPKs or whatever those things are. They don't make a lot of noise. And then when the cops start firing away, I just sit in the front yard and pluck them out of the air. That's a great idea. That's a great idea. All right. Now it's all coming together. Yeah, I'm gonna start shooting at him. That's a good thought. I think that's a great plan.

[Brett Fesley]

Check.

[Brady Bogan]

Double check. I know you say it won't matter, but it sense the bird of prey. Yeah, I don't know if that's illegal. I think it might come get me.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't care. I've never cared about that. If I've got a wild animal in my Backyard. And somebody came and said, did you shoot one of these? I'm like, you're goddamn right I did. Well, that's illegal. What's the fine? I'm not going to. Nobody's ever gone to jail for that. What's the fine?

[Brady Bogan]

When you're. When you're dealing with something like an eagle?

[John Holmberg]

Okay, if I have an eagle problem in my front yard, don't. I'm still shooting them. And I'm going to say, look around.

[Brady Bogan]

But I don't know what. Kestrels or falcons.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I'll tell whatever department of, you know, wildlife that comes to my house and has the nerve to say, did you shoot this eagle? I'm like, yeah, I've got an eagle problem. And they're a little bit intimidating. So here, step over this mound of human feces because they drop giant dung piles, and tell me you wouldn't do the same thing. They've eaten two family members and three dogs. Yeah. Eagles, sure. If I. If I'm not, probably not going to.

[Brady Bogan]

Shoot an eagle, I wouldn't take out a condor either. That's just.

[John Holmberg]

Again, until I have a problem. The single kestrel was like, Freddy. Multiple kestrels bad. If I see a lot of bald eagles at my house, I'm like, first off, where's the fish? Like, why are you here? Second, I'm going to start shooting. I. The bald eagle is beautiful. One at a time. I was in Alaska. They're pretty until they're not. Then they become seagulls. And there's like. When there's more than four or five eagles, you start going, all right, we need to go inside. They're not little. And that's not. I have no. Again, come to my house. Are you shooting bald eagles in your front yard? I'm like, what would you do? Did you hear what you said in my front yard in Phoenix? Yeah. I'm shooting eagle.

[Brady Bogan]

Took my dog.

[John Holmberg]

I'm shooting anything, anybody. I'm not gonna follow any of those wildlife idiots. I will kill those things. Even if they're birds of prey that are protected. I'll shoot an owl that gets a little. Get too close to me, and I'm shooting it. I have to have my gun on me. I have to be prepared for it. But, I mean, if the owl starts getting a little touchy feely, little too Italian, little handsy, starts talking with his wings, I'm dropping him like a bad habit.

[Brady Bogan]

Get one of those, Brad from the improv. One of those tracer guns.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, he's got one of those? Yeah, for paintball.

[Brady Bogan]

That would work.

[Brett Fesley]

Screw that. Get the flamethrower. Go to MMP and pick up the flamethrower. Just light up the neighborhood.

[John Holmberg]

Roast it out.

[Brett Fesley]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

KFC ain't got nothing on me. That's. That's the key to it. It's like children. One of them is like, oh, that's nice. You get like 10 or 11 of them in the same space. I'm breaking out the flame. I don't know what I'm going to do. You can stay back. He's crazy. Yeah. I don't care any more about anything. I get an influx of old people in my front yard, I'm going to start paintballing them. Anything that is too many of one thing has to be pushed back. Brady just tried to game and fish me over there. Are you out of your mind? Be careful. They're beautiful. No, they're not. You come to my house when they start dumping dead birds in the pool and laughing. I could hear them take that prick. They don't make pretty noises either. They just shout at the top of their little bird lungs. The worst. So, yeah. I didn't know there was bird repellent spray. Right.

[Brett Fesley]

Neither.

[John Holmberg]

Little mobsters. Are there mob repellent spray. Can you listen to something you guys hate? I hate this. Like Drakkar. Probably. I think you guys are attracted.

[Brett Fesley]

Oh, that's Armenian.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's right.

[Brady Bogan]

Does Snow White have any bird feeders set up?

[John Holmberg]

No. Good Lord, I would break every one of them.

[Brady Bogan]

That's one of the things they're saying to.

[John Holmberg]

No, I'm not attempting to feed. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

How do I just. How to remove kestrels.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. The last thing I need is, like, birds that are lazy in the backyard that are getting handouts. Whenever you've got a bird feeder, you know who you attract? The homeless birds. The lazy ones. You're not getting the beautiful best. You're not getting the high end, a version of whatever bird is eating out of your feeder. They're the lazy, homeless losers, the ones that fend for themselves. Those are the ones you want to see.

[Brady Bogan]

They suggest installing shiny objects, hanging.

[John Holmberg]

You know, I've done that. Woodpeckers before that reflect. Yeah. I think that they've probably adapted to CDs at this point. CDs? What is this, 1995? I'm coming in. I don't know. He's hung up some CDs. You think we can get around that trap? This guy thinks he's clever. What is that shot? A floating right around it. So I will kill them all. And I. Pigeons. I thought pigeons were tougher than that. They're like New York. Like, they gather in bunches. I thought pigeons would. But. Get your falcon ass out of here. This is my yard. You. There's 5,000 of us. But no, they were gone. Like, in a day. They packed up, took off.

[Brady Bogan]

Even the big bull, male pigeon said, bow up.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they're big, but they are all gone. And those pricks were wrecking my palm trees, making huge houses in there, carving out the ends. And then.

[Brett Fesley]

So, what are you bitching about?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I got no problem. You are such a kestrel fan, you actually believe they're Italian.

[Brett Fesley]

Yeah, what are you bitching about? They're doing you a favor.

[John Holmberg]

They did do me a favor at first, and now they're a little too comfortable.

[Brett Fesley]

Pay protection.

[John Holmberg]

Now they're running boxing gyms in my backyard. We're gonna have the next heavyweight champ.

[Brett Fesley]

We got your neighbor right down the road there.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, I got my. My ufc.

[Brady Bogan]

Now, you're not gonna have any problems with roof rats.

[John Holmberg]

I. I didn't.

[Brett Fesley]

You're welcome.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I did. You're welcome before.

[Brett Fesley]

Hey, look at this. Come on.

[John Holmberg]

And we're keeping a roof rat. But I never had a roof.

[Brady Bogan]

There's a reason.

[Brett Fesley]

No rats in the neighborhood.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. What an Italian.

[Brett Fesley]

No rats in the neighborhood.

[John Holmberg]

But I never had a roof rat. You're welcome. That. You know, idiots, that's not how it works. And you won't have a problem. I gotta start leaving envelopes in the trees. My house lights on fire every once in a while in little tiny ways. Pricks. Little prick. Birds all over the place.

[Brady Bogan]

How cool would it be if you go home in your pool, there's a miniature Stugats floating, playing Frank Sinatra.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. If I come home and I swear to God, there's like a Sinatra thing in the back or something. And I've got Dean and Frank going.

[Brett Fesley]

Oh, man, remember what he did.

[Brady Bogan]

Crank that speaker up.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

They don't like that music.

[John Holmberg]

You don't like what we're doing in your yard? Sorry, buddy. We're gonna be in your pool all day. They got a little boat and speakers hanging out of it. Frank and Dean CDs. I hate this. You're in. Takeover. Get your dogs in the house. They know what. Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. Lovely. The little Copstral girls walking on the.

[Brett Fesley]

Poolside like the old Vegas showgirls with the big feathers hanging out.

[John Holmberg]

Get out here and hose off the deck. Our Feet are burning like a samba that swings so cool and swear it Kebabs coming over visit baby bird heads on it. Got a little barbecue going.

[Brady Bogan]

That's life.

[John Holmberg]

Become a cartoon. I can't stand it. It's not awesome, Brad. It is. I curse you in your new house that you have the.

[Brett Fesley]

As long as they show up and not them damn pigeons.

[John Holmberg]

This guy says. Fifteen years ago I worked for Game and Fish and we prosecuted a 70 year old man for shooting two Hawks that were recovered and examined and had pellets removed with traces of DNA and fingerprints. And I believe there was a heavy fine and no jail time because he was 70. They're not putting you in jail for that. You're not going to. You're not going to go into the jail cell. They're going to waste resources. They're going to find you.

[Brady Bogan]

You're good with heavy fines.

[John Holmberg]

I'm fine with a heavy fine if it's for a cause. I've taken a few heavy fines for no reason whatsoever. Sometimes the company just says you owe people money. And I'm like, sure. It's part of the evidence chain of custody. And it was legit. Old ladies, love birds. And this Karen's. They got witnesses. Yeah. All right, so make sure that they don't. Rats. I gotta keep the rats out when I start shooting.

[Brett Fesley]

I won't have them with those boys in the neighborhood.

[John Holmberg]

And will if I start shooting those boys.

[Brett Fesley]

Yeah. You're have a dead horsehead in your bed too.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Says the way to go if they're Italian or stoners is to get your backyard some pomade and patchouli. Is that true? Birds hate hippies. I think they hang out together, don't they? They're always down with the birds.

[Brett Fesley]

If that's the case. I hate hippies.

[John Holmberg]

See them crawling around parking lots fighting over the same french fries? I'm pretty sure. Yeah. Chiba Hut. And hippies and pigeons all. I'll get the pigeons back.

[Brady Bogan]

He said loud music does distract them too.

[Brett Fesley]

There you go.

[Brady Bogan]

They suggest 3 11.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah. Well, then I'm moving.

[Brett Fesley]

He'd move them into the house at this point. There you go. This is your wing.

[John Holmberg]

That's all I'm hearing from the tree. Turn it up if you're gonna. That's good stuff.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Out of chimney. Fly me to the moon. Nobody's complaining now. Him hate him. Is that bird chopping? Look, I dare you. Slicing garlic, game and fish. I dare you to come to my house and put cuffs on me and march me out in Some sort of per walk. Cuz I shot the kestrels. Not allowed to do that fine. $100 a bird, my friend. Good. Worth every penny. I shot 20 of them and I got 20 to go. So I'm like, can I prepay my next fine? Because I'm gonna keep plugging away jackass kestrels. And what about them? They don't get fined for dropping dead doves in my pool.

[Brett Fesley]

Nobody saw nothing.

[John Holmberg]

I did.

[Brett Fesley]

No, you didn't.

[John Holmberg]

Brett. You're taking us too serious. Let's get a wake up song, shall we? A good one. 585-9800. We'll scream it together. It's 98 KUPD. Wake up. Arizona's most powerful powerful rock. Rad.

[Dick Toledo]

You thought that was funny?

[John Holmberg]

You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? Thank you. Miles to nowhere. Katie and the Hobbs kicking it off here in the morning sickness. And off we go. Everybody's warning me about the kestrel birds. Don't you worry about it. Don't you worry about it. Guy said. John, last week, weren't you saying, leave the rioters alone? And today I will shoot and kill any animal in my yard? Yeah, I left them alone until they got lippy. That's what I said about the marchers. Act like you didn't even know they were gonna be there. And they'd walk around like, why? And then when they get lippy, my plan B. Fly a helicopter over and put some of that flame retardant red on them with some pepper in it. No, I got plans. Run. Now I'm getting sent all of the potential. Listen to this. Says I know a guy. Who? I say I know a guy. What? Heard of another guy who heard of a guy who got fined 17 grand for killing a turkey buzzard? I guess it was bothering him.

[Brett Fesley]

That's why you keep your mouth shut. You don't tell people.

[John Holmberg]

I wouldn't even know what that is. Yeah, and there's the other thing. Who's the rat that told you killed the turkey buzzer? Here's the thing. Arizona Game Fish Department pretty serious about birds? Protected species. Kestrels are protected under the Migratory Bird Treaty act. Various laws. In Arizona, penalties can lead to severe consequences, including fines ranging from five to $250,000. I dare you. Jail sentence. Imprisonment is a potential penalty for violating this law. I dare you. Confiscation of possessions, any property used in the violation. Hunting equipment, anything like that could be confiscated. Revocation of licenses, hunting or other relevant licenses can be revoked. I dare you.

[Brett Fesley]

I don't see you going hunting anytime soon. So you're good.

[John Holmberg]

I also don't know who's going to tattle on me. I'll be in my own backyard. That Snow White might do it. Oh, yeah, he might start.

[Brett Fesley]

Watch out for those.

[Brady Bogan]

He care and walking her dogs.

[John Holmberg]

Looks like I got. Oh, no, there's none of that. If she's walking by my backyard, I'm.

[Brady Bogan]

Shooting her to the alley.

[John Holmberg]

Well, let her walk by the alley. You're not allowed to do that. That's against the law too.

[Brady Bogan]

You're not supposed to use the walk in your alley.

[John Holmberg]

She cannot take walks in the alley you take. The alley is for trash and out. It is illegal to. I'll tell you right now, if you're gonna start throwing laws at me, I'll throw one back at you. Illegal. Exactly. But if bitches walking through the alley, breaking a law, tattling on other people doing it, I'll save one for her. So long, bitch. There's another 10 grand out my pocket. I'm paying fines, baby. Yeah. 250,000. You imagine that you're fine for killing that kestrel bird in your backyard that was dropping dead animals into your pool and causing havoc is $250,000. Oh, well, let me write a check here. I don't need to write 250,000, right? What are you doing? That's not. That doesn't say. What do you mean a hearty. You. You can't write that on a check. And I just did.

[Brett Fesley]

Why does it pay to the order of asshole?

[John Holmberg]

Pay to the order of this right here. Well, that's not my name. I can't.

[Brady Bogan]

Instead, you sit down for five years. What are you in for?

[John Holmberg]

Please.

[Brady Bogan]

Killing the kestrel.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. I'd be a hero. I'd be. There's no possible way. And again, I'd have to have. Like Brady said, that bitch that Brady was talking about a second ago, breaking the law, taking walks in the alley, which is wildly illegal. You know why they say don't do that? Because then homeless people can't use alleys as thoroughfares. If you see people wandering in your alley and stuff, taking walks, they're technically breaking the law. You can rat them out, but I'd only do it if it was a homeless don't have that problem. But that's why. So if some lady in the alley, Brady, in your scenario, is wandering around looking to tattle while she breaks the law.

[Brady Bogan]

Nosy Nelly.

[John Holmberg]

Got a lot of nerve on you. You just broke the law. So did you. Taking your dog for a walk in the alley. You want one? You want one in your lips, bitch? You're mean. I understand. If I was you, I'd be hiding that face in an alley, too. I wouldn't walk around in the streets. Good thing about your face, lady, in Brady's scenario, we're making up. You walk the streets, no one will ever solicit you for prostitution because you're disgusting. $250,000. You'd have to tell on me. You would have to tell on me. I might do it just for fun. You know what? I'll just tell them my company will pay for it. That seems to work. Hey, Trip, I got a bill for you. There's a little trouble over there. And I said you'd cover. I wasn't in on that conversation. Yeah, that's how it works. Also, you all have measles, according to the news. Everyone stay home. You've all got the measles. One dude was at sky harbor on June 10 between the hours of 5pm and 10 or 11 at night. If you were in the airport at all June 10, the news has you believing you've got measles. There's no question about it. Here's what I'm more worried about. His flight. He was trapped on that tube. That's where you really got to worry about, the measles. I'm not so worried about the Hudson News being affected by his measles. I'd have to go out of my way to find him. But if you get up on that, you know he was in terminals three and four. So he was probably flying in on Spirit and then flying out on Southwest. That's my guess, yeah. If you're on a tube with a guy, why don't they just tell us who it is? What flight was he on? Because if they know he was in the airport, they know who it is. Tell the people who were on the plane and then that spread.

[Brady Bogan]

Maybe they're contacting those people.

[John Holmberg]

By the way, if you're not sick by now, you probably don't have it. I'm guessing, Right. Measles is super contagious. Super duper contagious. Like, if you're around measles, you get it in a day or so, I would assume, and. Right.

[Brady Bogan]

Do you think seven days later, he just didn't know?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. He must have.

[Brady Bogan]

Measles.

[John Holmberg]

It's all itchy and bumpy. I don't know. I don't know. But he was on the plane, so that's what I'd worry about more. But the news is like, if you were even close to the airport on June 10, you probably got horrible measles. I don't think it's that bad. But if you were at the airport on June 10, you should probably just go get checked. And most of us, I believe, are vaccinated. Right.

[Brett Fesley]

For measles.

[John Holmberg]

The measles shot you get when you're a kid lasts forever. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

You were early on, I think. But then I forget what the dip is like. There was a point where people weren't getting it.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, No, I know that. There's the anti vaxxers that decide not to get it. And if you're not vaccinated, that's the risk you've been running that way. Sure, I'm fine with that. I have no look, people get upset when you talk about vaccines. I got no problem with you making that choice. I'm vaccinated from measles. I didn't have a choice. Somebody jabbed that me when I was a baby. I've never like marched around down the. I've never taken a shot, no jab. I got the vaccine because I was forced to. As far as I know. I don't even remember it happening. But I'm not scared of no measles. It comes my way. It's a. I think I'm pretty much covered. I don't know if I get it. I get it. But if you're not vaccinated, that's the risks you run. If you decided not to get a measles vaccine and measles breaks out, don't start yelling at everybody else that it's a problem. And isn't it like. Like I watched the doctors on TV and all the people who are like smug about vaccines and stuff. Some guy was on the news last night going, if you're vaccinated, everything's fine. They're kind of smug about it. Aren't they happy when measles breaks out? Because it doesn't get rid of the ones that they don't like the most? Like the ones that get mad about vaccines. Like, doesn't it eliminate their foe when the measles gets out? If the unvaccinated are the ones most at risk, isn't it? But aren't the people who are so angry at them in the first place, shouldn't they be happy that the measles is breaking out?

[Brady Bogan]

There's a bit of that, I bet.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I would Imagine that. There's sort of a strut or a boastfulness about like, well, I'm vaccinated and you're not. It's the I told you so kind of factor.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm drinking a cup of measles right now.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I'm rolling around in measles like crazy. What are you doing? I didn't get vaccinated because I'm not taking any chances. I think you are. Were you at the airport? So if you're at the airport on 10 June, which was seven days ago, and there was a dude next to you, and he had, like, a lot of bites, who? Toledo, Tuesday. Who's there? Trip.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, Trip.

[John Holmberg]

Trip, Probably. What if it's Tripp? He's at the airport all the time. Was it a Tuesday? It was less. Yeah, it was last Tuesday. He flew out last Tuesday.

[Brady Bogan]

Somewhere between maybe Monday afternoon. I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

No, he was here on Tuesday last week because we had that. There was that little lunch thing that they went to the baseball game Wednesday. So he came back Tuesday and went to the baseball game on Wednesday and then flew out again. He's got measles. Tripp's got the measles.

[Brett Fesley]

Well, let's see if any of the salespeople, because that was a super spreader.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. And then. Okay, here's the new thing, Trip. Our boss has me measles badly, guaranteed. Watch the news last night. He's always at the airport. He's got measles, and he took it to the ballpark on the 11th. So trip spread measles from. Not all this is breaking news, everybody. This is our guaranteed trips. Measles are everywhere at this point. Oh, my God. What an irresponsible man he's become. So, yeah, he had measles from his trip to Seattle. So if you were in a. I don't know what he flies.

[Brett Fesley]

Oh, wait a minute. He's not flying Spirit or.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, he flies us or whatever. American. Is that what they call it now?

[Brady Bogan]

It might be Alaskan to Seattle.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that could be Alaskan. Either way, measles. He brought him with him, gave everybody terrible measles, and then came back the next day with his measles and went to the ballpark. This is according to the news. Our own trip.

[Brady Bogan]

Read sources.

[John Holmberg]

Nope. Me. It's me. I'll take the heat for this. Yep, that's it. He's. Woof. This is not good. So he should get checked out. He's not a young, young buck anymore.

[Brady Bogan]

He got the vaccine.

[John Holmberg]

I'm sure he's. He's got the old vaccine that left scars.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I was like, when it looks like a cigarette burn. Yeah. It looks like somebody put a cigar out on you. Yeah, no, Brady was. Brady was of the last couple years of that. I wonder if Toledo's got it, because when I. When I was a child, they developed some sort of new technology. They didn't have to torch you. Do you have it? So they didn't get. So starting in, like, you might have been the last year of that Brady.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't even know.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, I was 68.

[John Holmberg]

So they. They didn't give you the cigar burn usually right up around your.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, because it's. Cigar burn was multiple needles at the same time.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. They just hammered you everything at once. Yeah, My mom's got one on her arm. It's huge. Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

Well, they last.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Forever. Yeah. How big is that? When you're a kid and they used to jab that in your arm and it's a scar that lasts forever. Anyway, it says a measles vaccine provides lifelong immunity. Two doses of measles mumps, rubella, typically given in childhood, are highly effective at preventing measles infections fo life. 99% of people who receive the two doses of the measles vaccine are protected against measles for at least 15 years. Well, that at first said lifetime, and then 15 years. It's important to note that in rare cases, immunity wanes over time, especially in individuals with weakened immune systems. However, most people, the vaccine provides a lifelong protection. So. Yeah. Isn't this just getting rid of the people who decided not to do it? Shouldn't we be kind of happy?

[Brady Bogan]

I don't know about happy.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not unhappy. That ends the debate, doesn't it? Like, if all the measles looks like it works. Yeah. I mean, it's kind of like if I'm standing there looking at you going, should have got the shot, jackass. They're like, oh, I don't do that. I'm like, all right, well, I'm gonna go outside and be normal while you sit in your incubator and try to figure out what to do next.

[Dick Toledo]

It's Dick Toledo from Holberg's morning sickness for Chime, the checking account that helps you manage your money better. Chime is unlike any other banking app. When you set up a qualifying direct deposit with your Chime checking account, you get access to MyPay, which gives you up to $500 of your pay before payday. When times are tight. MyPay carries all the benefits of Chime, including fee free overdrafts of up to $200, no monthly or minimum balance fees and access to over 50,000 ATMs, more than three times the top three national banks combined. Move toward a better financial future with Chime and get started [e-mail] Holmberg where you'll open a Chime checking account in just two minutes. That's Chime.com Holmberg Chime feels like progress. Banking services and debit card provided by the Bancorp NA or Stride Bank. NA member is fdic. Spot me Eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Fees apply at out of network ATMs. MyPay eligibility requirements apply. Credit limits range from $20 to $500. $2 fee applies to get funds instantly. Chime checking account required. Go to Chime.com disclosures for details.

[John Holmberg]

Holmberg's morning sickness and are there.

[Brady Bogan]

You know, I guess what they the reason why maybe you're not doing it is because they're worried about it Makes side effects.

[John Holmberg]

Turns you retard. They think.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

They think that all the kids are autistic because of that. And then that got proven right or wrong. I don't know. That could be. But I'd rather even be a little bit autistic and I think I might be than I would have, you know, be afraid of the airport on Tuesday. If I can wander around the airport with a little bit of OCD and autism. Well, I've been doing that my whole life. I'm pretty cool with that. I don't want the measles. I understood the argument against the COVID vaccine. That just came out of nowhere. And then they started telling everybody, take this. We're not sure what it is. I got that like, you know, I still took the shot. Oh well, measles. They just jabbed that in me with a. I don't think anybody was lippy back then about it. I think doctors just did it anyway. My doctor was Dr. King. He carried his syringe like a heroin addict. It would stick out of his top pocket. It was silver and it was massive. And he'd unscrew the bottom of it. It took him forever to give you a shot. Yeah. Scarring childhood memories of needing shots from that guy. And he would unscrew the thing on the bottom and then like load it. He loved this gigantic sir and pulled the two little triggers back like he was shooting a bow and arrow into my ass.

[Brett Fesley]

It's like the doctor from Cannonball Run.

[John Holmberg]

It Was exactly that. It was. Jack Elam had that. That was the exact same thing, which is why I thought that guy was so funny. That was Dr. King when I was a kid. You need a shot. He loved giving people shots. And the more you hated it, the more he liked doing it. Oh, he's afraid of needles, huh?

[Brady Bogan]

Good.

[John Holmberg]

He's got a sore throat. Needs a shot. I don't think Dr. King was a legitimate doctor, by the way. Lowell, Indiana, he was just a guy who showed up with a white coat and said, sure, I'm a doctor. Walking around with his heroin needles, just firing it at anybody. Dr. King. And that's, to this day. You saw me try to give.

[Brett Fesley]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Get my finger pricked by that lady who was taking blood from us. Oh, I was gonna cry. It's Dr. King's fault. When I was three and four years old, when he'd come at me with that gigantic spear. Yeah, that's it. So if you don't have a measles vaccine and you're at the airport last week, my problem, the news makes it seem like we're all gonna get it. This one says so. The problem with vaccines and people that don't get them, if there's an outbreak, it can overload the hospital system. That's bad. Well, I'm not one of those. And if you come crying to me that you got the measles in, it's gonna get you. I'm like, well, we had a thing for that. Your fault. You can't be afraid of all those vaccines. Right. And how did they get around it.

[Brady Bogan]

A lot out there.

[John Holmberg]

How did you get around it? Like, as an adult, I understand that kids. Now, people got lippy, and they won't give their kids that stuff. But. But how did you get around it? When you're my age, I don't ever remember having a choice or signing a document. It was just happening.

[Brett Fesley]

Now, your parents might have.

[John Holmberg]

I don't even think my parents could have said no. I think Dr. King was going to hit me with those.

[Brady Bogan]

That was just a requirement. Felt it felt that way.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I don't know. I don't. I never did it. There was a lady we worked with that was a. Remember, she was a Christian Scientist and wouldn't give her kids like. Like anything at all, like aspirin, nothing. If their kids got sick and it was time to go, it was. They were just gonna die from it. And she wandered around pretty comfortable with that. And then she died really young of, like, head cold or allergies. Or something. I don't even know. It wasn't even that bad, but she would never.

[Brady Bogan]

I thought maybe it was cancer, but I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

She was my first exposure to no medicine. And I mean, like, no med. Not even, like, Formula 44D. Like, you couldn't have cough syrup. You couldn't have an allergy pill. If it was God's way of killing you. You're going down. And her kids would get, like, violently ill sometimes, and then they'd come back, and she's like, well, their immune system's stronger. I'm like, I don't know. I think I'd rather have a weakened immune system than go through hell just because I have a head cold.

[Brett Fesley]

I'll take my chances, Sister.

[John Holmberg]

Can you imagine not being able to take Mucinex when you're. Or, you know, Flonase?

[Brett Fesley]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

They weren't allowed to do anything. I think they were sneaking it on the side. It's also kind of a smart way to be a parent, because the worst drug your kid can take is, like, dimetap, and you're like that. He's jonesing for some Flonase. Gotta get it fixed, man. You got Flonase. But I don't even know if her kids lived.

[Brady Bogan]

They did. And I. I think they're a little more lenient on the regulation.

[John Holmberg]

Probably drug addicts. Who, The Christian Scientists? Or just her family.

[Brady Bogan]

Her. The family might have.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they probably pulled back a little bit when one of them had a head cold. That hurt too long. Yeah, she was. She was adamant about it. I remember she was yelling at me once because I took Flonase in front of her or took a nasal spray. Oh, Katie, bar the door. She had no problem telling me her feelings. I don't believe in any medicines whatsoever, and I'm like aspirin. Nothing, Nothing. You're gonna die young. She did. Now this guy debates it, says, I design hospitals for a living. That's a good gig. They never get full. That's a myth. Even during COVID there was always a couple of beds. Yeah, but the. The hospitals can't get full, but maybe the doctors aren't enough to take care of it. That's the other part. All I know is I could have licked all the stuff at the airport last Tuesday and I'd still not have measles. Not worried about it. And if you get the measles, I.

[Brady Bogan]

Mean, you have to, you know. Like, we heard a couple weeks ago about the latest vaccine to battle the super gonorrhea, and it's got a 30 to 40% effectiveness.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the effectiveness is terrible, those vaccines. Unless the doctors like lifetime protection, I'm probably not taking the 40% success rate on gonorrhea. I'm not that worried about gonorrhea. Like, I'm not gonna go to the airport. And the gonorrhea outbreak, I'm like, I stayed away from it. I'm not getting jabbed there either. Not taking the needle or the gonorrhea crank at the airport. So I'm not really worried about that one catching me.

[Brady Bogan]

Like Jay Moore's joker. He takes it all. He's like, I'll give it all. He's like, all the stuff I put in my body.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. I look at Keith Richards.

[Brady Bogan]

The last one I got was in back of the Walmart.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I'll take a vaccine at a Walmart. It's cheaper. The. I. I remember arguing with everybody over that. I didn't care about whether you took the vaccine or not, but I just. I marveled at how many people eating, you know, Cheetos and guzzling disgusting alcoholic beverages. And I'm not putting that in my body. That was the big thing that made me laugh during COVID It's. I will not put that in my body. You don't know what's in that. Meanwhile, just processed everything.

[Brady Bogan]

Give me the nitrates.

[John Holmberg]

Give me. Give me the Little Debbies and the Cheetos. Okay, I.

[Brady Bogan]

It.

[John Holmberg]

You don't want that. But let's not act like your body's being treated like a temple here. You're. You're not exactly monitoring all the intake. You're taking a stand against this. I get it. But, you know, meanwhile popping high blood pressure pills so you can keep eating nonsense. It's like, who do you think's regulating those? That's different. Okay, I'm fine with it. But if you didn't take the measles shot when you were a kid and you don't like the vaccines, I get it.

[Brady Bogan]

And I think there's some truth to some of that stuff where, you know, we're immunity systems.

[John Holmberg]

Sure. It gets a little stronger.

[Brady Bogan]

We're stronger when, you know, 40, 50.

[John Holmberg]

Years ago, that chance. Because I remember prior to polio, they all had that, hey, let's see.

[Brady Bogan]

Immune system gotten softer now that we've our immune system.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, probably. Yeah. I'm not. I got no problem with you not taking vaccines. That's up to you. That's an individual's right. But you're probably gonna die from measles and I'm not. So I went totally fine with it. I have a weird feeling in my head that. Remember that notebook I told you guys about when I broke up with? Well, I was broken up with. I. I got dumped in the mid-90s and I had my. My notebook of love poems.

[Brady Bogan]

To the vagina.

[John Holmberg]

To the. To her vagina. And it was page after page of a five subject notebook stolen from my Jeep in the early, early hours of. Had to be like February or March of 1996. And I mean, there was a lot of tributes to the box. That was our pet name for.

[Brady Bogan]

Where did you keep it? In the glove compartment?

[John Holmberg]

No, I had. I took the back seat out of this particular Jeep. It was a 1987 or 86 CJ7. And a lot of times when you bought the Jeeps new back then, they didn't even include the back seat. It was just a. It was like a add on. It was. Yeah, there were no carpet. There was nothing. You could add the back seat if you wanted. I took mine out and I put in a big box for storage.

[Brady Bogan]

Like a trunk.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, like a trunk. And put a lock on the back of it and then put a couple speakers in there to thump it. Right. It was a target. Because I would drive around like an idiot blasting music in this Jeep. And there was no, you know, it was denim. You could. So they went after like a pair of jeans.

[Brady Bogan]

So they went after the speakers.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they went. Well, more than likely. They weren't there for the poetry, Brady. I'm guessing the thieves were like. That dude's a strong poet. The pros. We got to get in that Jeep. No, he. The people that were getting in there wanted the stereo. Had a FOS gate, had a nice amp underneath the passenger seat, all the. That the CD player. I was ahead of the game and took it all out. But inside that trunk that they broke into to, you know, get the speakers. And they cut the top of my Jeep and like the. The denim just in half opened it up. Actually, this one was my 93. This was not my CJ7, but I took the seat out of this one too. This was my 93, by the way. Terrible year for Jeep. Yeah. So they cut the top. It was still that old, you know, cruddy top. And then opened it up and got the Vagina Monologues. Way before that was the thing. I had written several poems to my ex girlfriend's vagina that I was going to someday deliver to her one at a time. The plan was, each day she would receive Another poem about her vagina. Flowery indeed. Some funny, some heartfelt, all ridiculous style.

[Brady Bogan]

Sonnets.

[John Holmberg]

There were sonnets. There were. There was long, long hand prose. There were short stories, haikus. There was. There was. There was shorts. There was a lot. There was a lot. And I would keep it hidden in the locked box in the back of my Jeep. It was stolen. And it's been a fear of mine for now 29 years, going on 30, that this will eventually surface because my name is also signed it riddled sign.

[Brett Fesley]

It was in your Trapper Keeper or something.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, it was the Mead 5. It was the 5 Bad Boy Notebook. So you know the first one. And I tried.

[Brett Fesley]

You're gonna write that much?

[John Holmberg]

I did. Oh, Jesus. There might have been 15 to 20 pages that did not have writing on it. And each. Each subject can remember those things had five subjects. So there was a divider after about 100 pages. Those big thick notebooks. And then you could start a new. Like this can be your social studies. And then I used it as. This is going to be just flat poems. This is a freehand. This is just a stream of consciousness writing. This is haikus and other short stories. And so I had each one broken down into categories. And I knew where to turn when I had the. The moment when. Oh, songs. The. The fifth thing was the song lyrics.

[Brett Fesley]

What are you, Chuck D now over there with your rhyme book to her.

[John Holmberg]

Question and her body.

[Brady Bogan]

Would you do most of the riding nighttime?

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no. I would go get it out. Yeah. I would go out to the car.

[Brady Bogan]

And you go to your room.

[Brett Fesley]

He had hide it there because Dan might have seen and goes. Oh, Jesus Christ.

[John Holmberg]

Bingo. If Dan found my vagina book. Happy that I'm not gay. But he been like. But he is kind of gay. He's doing poems.

[Brady Bogan]

Dan return it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

After 30 years.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

I wanted to give you.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, if he's got it, he would. It would. He'd be laughing with tubes in his nose. I need you to do something for me, boy. Reach into my duffel. It might be the last thing I see you do. Pull out that maroon book. You've had this. And he died happy. Yeah. So I worry about that surfacing someday. And more importantly, like, it could be hundreds of years from now. You know what I mean? Because they just found a scroll in Egypt 5,000 years old. They think that's just some dudes. Like, it's just. They say it's diary. Well, no, it's just like a page they found, but it's just Horrible stuff like. And. But they. But everything they find is historical evidence. It's not just like Brett 5000 years ago writing down I'm gonna you up like everything's a threat to a nation. Nothing, nothing they ever find is just an innocuous piece of paper from some nobody jackass. 5000 years ago they found this. And they're like this must mean something. I think they're gonna attack the. The Menabadites or whatever. They're always. It's always meaningful that they found it.

[Brady Bogan]

But they found it isn't the look.

[Brett Fesley]

Of the cans on Margot Robbie take notes.

[Brady Bogan]

Or they have found some of that oh good free riding he's talking about.

[John Holmberg]

But this one, they're like, if I tell you it's a manuscript as well. That would be mine. It's a tomb. That's what I worry about. Because they always say, oh, they had a fascination like with the sexual this, that and the other. But my. If they. If the future generations, if there's nuclear annihilation and then man comes back from Mars to repopulate the earth. And the one thing they find is my old box poems. And they're gonna be like this was how they used to talk. Like they'll think this is a historical doctrine.

[Brady Bogan]

You know, do they take that and model society at the time after these poetry?

[John Holmberg]

Yes. And everything will be built in vagina shapes. And all the drawings of the past will be men were. They were addicted to it. And they pray. They praised it. They. It was such on worshiped. They worshiped it. I was on a pedestal and evidently the queen of all of them was a girl named Jackie. And her they called it A box was pristine and the man wanted to milk it. I don't know what that means. It was. There was some flowery writing. But if it ever gets found by future generations the way they found this thing in Egypt. Because when they find that. Whenever I see the headline says 5000 year old manuscript find an Egyptian tomb, I'm like, oh God, that thing could.

[Brady Bogan]

Change some stories on history if all things are destroyed. They've recently. I mean that's one.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but these are dumb, Brady. The point being like this could be.

[Brady Bogan]

You look at the piece they show.

[John Holmberg]

Sure. This. This could be you. This is all they found.

[Brady Bogan]

I know.

[John Holmberg]

And they put it together like it's some. You know, it has to be some amazing. The guy in the tomb might have been a jackass. It might have been Toledo and he wrote down something dumb. And now it's got all sorts of meaning. Just like my stupid book of vagina poems 5000 years from now might be seen as how humanity lived and it would still be embarrassing. And they find it in my tomb. Huge fear of mine that at my funeral it's an open casket and people show up and they say their last respects and then the one guy who stole it's been waiting for me to die and throws the thing in there inside my casket and then it gets buried. And thousands of years from now they unearth my casket and that and me are in there and it's like he must have been a king. They kept his writing.

[Brett Fesley]

Or the Brian Adams girl shows up, he was throws in the casket with you.

[John Holmberg]

He doesn't have it.

[Brett Fesley]

You never know.

[John Holmberg]

Although she did turn to drugs, so she might have stolen my speakers and found it. Mike, I gotta get rid of this.

[Brett Fesley]

It was the only thing that Mo Money pond wouldn't buy right now. Ain't buying a notebook.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Pawn the speakers.

[John Holmberg]

Yep. My guess is there's some meth heads or some Tony Roma's cooks that got a couple of really nice speakers and had a time of their life reading an entire notebook for days and let's go, let's go read the book.

[Brady Bogan]

We gotta say something. No, we can't because we got the speaker.

[John Holmberg]

They may or may not have known it's me. But the people who had the MCC Friday night smoke outs and would read a page every week got two or three years worth of the best entertainment of their life.

[Brett Fesley]

You don't think the Chris Valenzuela's got it?

[John Holmberg]

He gentlemen John loves the box.

[Brady Bogan]

They couldn't read it.

[John Holmberg]

One of them could. You're right. Most of them could not lead Chris Valenzuela cook. God, I hope that thing comes back. And I gotta. Because the poof.

[Brady Bogan]

How many do you think you remember?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I don't remember any of them. I remember like when I would. When I would title them because I would read it a few times ago. This one's called Flower of a Goddess. God damn. That kind of thing. Yeah. God, that was right. Then on the top of it I would like box, letter and then color in flower of a goddess. Yeah, yeah. And then you know, like artistically write names, her name down the side of the page.

[Brett Fesley]

Weren't you ever worried that like stemmings or anybody was going to find that thing?

[Brady Bogan]

That was a gutsy move.

[Brett Fesley]

I mean.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Fesley]

Keeping it in the jeep if everybody's riding around or something.

[John Holmberg]

No, there was no reason for Mark to go through that. The only thing I really Worried about was like, a car crash where I died. And you know that.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, that's risky.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it was a little risky, but it was. It was for love. So what's the. The risk was worth it.

[Brett Fesley]

Oh, geez.

[John Holmberg]

But you think about it. No girl's gonna be happy with that. Like, I never once wrote about her personality. I never. I didn't write any poems about her face. Probably included in that was, you know.

[Brady Bogan]

When I looked at her eyes or anything like that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, maybe some, but it was always. Yeah, but I was always heading down. Like, it might have started there, but I was always. I'd worked my way down there. Yeah, I never really wrote about your, you know, hysterical laugh, your beautiful smile. None of that was just. It all worked its way right down to the honeyhole because I was at the time sort of addicted to that. And turns out a couple years later, when she came back, she was addicted to me too. And then I looked at her. I'm like, jesus Christ, what was I thinking? And we moved on.

[Brett Fesley]

She wrote an amazing song.

[John Holmberg]

She did. She penned this. Ten years after it came out, she wrote this song. Pretty amazing. But hopefully there is no. There is no chance that in the future generations that this comes out and becomes the historical documents of the. Of human man circa 1996. And then we built monuments to vaginas. In a way, it kind of is accurate, though, because everything we build is for. There's no way we'd build malls. I mean, the whole reason Amazon exists is for women. Malls are for women. Everything we build is for. To impress them. I don't see a lot of all female construction crews putting up like, bass pro shops, you know, Seems like they.

[Brady Bogan]

Don'T appreciate as much anymore.

[John Holmberg]

You don't think, you know, they're feeling. You don't feel the appreciation of man's advances. Yeah, well, mainly because man invented pornhub, because we got tired of building malls and not getting enough credit for it. So we were taking care of business on our own. But yeah, the. The Vagina Monologues are out there somewhere. Somewhere, and there's some guy's got him in his attic and he doesn't even know it. And they're going to surface my. My crossed fingers hope is the dudes who stole everything out of the back of that. There is no possible way. And when they went through the booty of what they took out of my jeep that they didn't go, what's in this? And go, this dude just right. In Vagina poems, they checked the thing.

[Brady Bogan]

They were Checking was. Is there cash and.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, and then they chucked it. It's evidence. It's my hope, Brady. But if they got to like page two or three, the chuckles would have been worth hanging on to that more than the pioneer pull out CD player. That, by the way, good on you for stealing that. Those things never worked.

[Brady Bogan]

How great would it have been if it was like, know two years later.

[John Holmberg]

New York Times bestseller and some guys just sitting there like. Liquor Box was my favorite one. So clever, spelled with a Q.

[Brady Bogan]

Hey, wait.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, wait a minute. I wrote Liquor Box. L, I Q, U O, R. Liquor Box was mine. Flower of a goddess. This was. This came to me in a dream. Yeah, I did that. So Box poem. I should try to start that again. But it would all be hilarious now because I'm not putting my heart on a page ever again. It's not worth the risk.

[Brady Bogan]

Hatchet wound of love.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, there were a few of them, Brady, that would have made you cringe because some of them were, you know, that time of the month related.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, man.

[John Holmberg]

Yep. I believe there's. I would. I would go out on a limb here and say that a couple of them were probably titled Detroit, fly My little Red Wings. Yeah. Yeah. Detroit would have been like. It would have been titled, the weather.

[Brady Bogan]

Was rough that day.

[John Holmberg]

Going to Detroit, the Red Sea, Parting the Red Sea. And I'd have figured she'd have found that romantic.

[Brett Fesley]

Yeah. Most women would probably not.

[John Holmberg]

You don't see a lot of Hallmark cards that say, you know, sympathy, get well, Vagina praise. It was magic. I learned my lesson. I kind of came out of that spell and moved on. I praised it too hard, but it was taken away. Brady Michael says. Brady says he feels underappreciated. The guy who forgets about Mother's Day, telling his kid he's the one. Yeah, that's true. He didn't. You need to. You can't say the word unappreciated. You're going to get hit with a rolling pin. You're not feeling appreciated, huh? You didn't even tell our kid it was Mother's Day. I couldn't hear you. I was using my Father's Day presents. What do you got on the big board of musical treats there, Burt?

[Brett Fesley]

Wake up. Song brought to you by Action Ride Shop. And we keep telling you guys, you want. You want the bikes, you need to get that bike serviced. You want to rent one, you just want to get there, out there on the trail, get healthy this summer. Well, Action Ride Shop is the place to do it and head on over to the brand new store right there on power Road and McDowell, right by the Hawes trailhead. Get up early, go on down there, hit the trail and then come on. Get your bike serviced. Best wrenches in town. And if you're not over by haws, we just go to the OG right there on Gilbert Road in Southern ActionRideshop.com is where you need to be.

[John Holmberg]

This guy says, if that notebook ever surfaced, would you authenticate it? I believe I would. I don't think I'd have a choice. My name was all over that thing. And this guy says, does Megan's box not merit a poem? Nobody's does. No, nobody. Nobody's does. Trust me. The obsessive nature in which these were written is criminal. It's. It's the stuff that John Wayne Gacy would have in his house. It's. It's creepy. Anyone who wrote this much about that would then have their wife immediately take it to a lawyer and go, he's going to kill someone.

[Brady Bogan]

Back to the vaccines they just got. Go on circling back around.

[John Holmberg]

Sure. Good timing.

[Brady Bogan]

If you're vaccinated between 63 and 67, you might consider getting another dose as the vaccine used then was not as effective.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. The measles. I'm good. I'm fine too. What's on the big board?

[Brett Fesley]

Right on the list. A lot of them going to you. Iron Maiden, Run to the Hills, the eagle is Landed from Avatar. Black crows. Remedy.

[John Holmberg]

Done then.

[Brett Fesley]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

That's one of my favorite songs. Remedy by the Black Crows. All right, we're gonna stick with the bird theme of those horrible birds that have taken over my backyard. They don't. I need a couple of those. Those. What do they call crackles and black crows and those big old black crackle. They sit in the backyard and just scream. And all other birds hate them and they're huge.

[Brady Bogan]

Get a pick up a crow call.

[John Holmberg]

I don't even know what that is.

[Brady Bogan]

Like if you can get them at Bass Pro or something.

[John Holmberg]

No, I'm not going in there. That's. No, no, yeah, I do that.

[Brett Fesley]

I want to see that. I want to see video of that.

[John Holmberg]

That deserves a you, Brady. I'm not doing that. I'm not going to bass an hour a night.

[Brady Bogan]

I'll be out of there.

[John Holmberg]

I know.

[Brady Bogan]

A week.

[John Holmberg]

I'll just stay in the house. They'll. They won't bother me in there until they all go away. Yeah, let's do it. Remedy is such a great song. Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.

[Dick Toledo]

It's Dick Toledo from Holmberg's Morning Sickness for Chime, the checking account that helps you manage your money better. Wouldn't it be nice to have a checking account that helps you and not just charges you fees? No one likes being hit with an overdraft fee. And with Chime's Spot Me feature, you'll be covered for up to $200 until your next deposit. Chime will also never charge you a fee or interest when you need that Spot me coverage. Your Chime account also gets you free cash from over 50,000 ATMs, more than the top three banks combined. So move toward a better financial future with Chime and get started [e-mail] Holmberg. You'll open your Chime checking account in two minutes. That's Chime.comberg. chime feels like progress Banking services and debit card provided by the Bancorp NA or Stride Bank NA member is fdic. Spot Me eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Fees apply at out of network ATMs. MyPay eligibility requirements apply. Credit limits range from $20, $500 $2 fee applies to get funds instantly. Chime checking account required. Go to Chime.com disclosures for details. You thought that was funny?

[John Holmberg]

You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? It's alien ant farm right there. The criminals are smooth. It is time now for Brady to give you all the news that only Brady knows, and it's brought to you by friends at all. Pro Shade Put that shade up. It is hot outside. Standing in shade mainly for your dogs and cats, too. If you've got outdoor animals and your dogs are out there at all wanting to goof around, they need a place to stand that's shady. Especially if it's on a patio and things like that. Make sure their feet don't burn up. And yours too. All Pro Shade can help with that. Get that patio shady. And not just shady. Beautiful and shady. It's very fashionable. Cool stuff. Looks great on your house. Helps with your property. Makes your whole place look better and shaded. That's always good. AllProchade.com that's where you go. Brady reported.

[Brady Bogan]

Good Tuesday morning to you, Phoenix.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Hello world.

[John Holmberg]

Hi.

[Brady Bogan]

Happy National Eat YOUR Veggies Day.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that had to be tough to spit out. Big Food didn't like saying that Big.

[Brady Bogan]

Food likes this one. And National Mascot Day.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's your day. It's Brady's Day. I was they were Running through that the other day on a baseball game, I think it was the Marlins and they started to fire off, off the names of all the mascots. Like, the names. Not just, you know, the San Diego Chicken. He's got a name. I don't know if San Diego Chicken does, but, like, the Philly fanatic has a name. Mr. Met has a name. Clark, the Cubs guy has a name. Like, they all have great. The Parrot in Pittsburgh. And I'm like, I didn't know any of this. Like, they have, you know, they go home and their wives call them something. So the Sox even have a mascot.

[Brady Bogan]

Pot.

[Brett Fesley]

Yeah. Southpaw.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's right. What is. What.

[Brett Fesley]

I don't think San Diego Chicken does.

[John Holmberg]

I think he's just San Diego.

[Brett Fesley]

Yeah, I think so.

[John Holmberg]

But it's. Yeah, it's very strange because I was like, wow, I wouldn't win that. Who's your. Who did you model yourself after, Brady, when you were the Diamondbacks mascot? Who did you think to yourself, you know what? And keep. Did you watch any tape of anybody else? Did you.

[Brady Bogan]

No.

[John Holmberg]

You didn't monitor any? No.

[Brady Bogan]

Because the initial thing was for a TV commercial to be an avid fan.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brady Bogan]

So if I were to model after, I. I was picturing this guy to be. I mean, basically, that's not that much of a stretch to be a die hard fan.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brady Bogan]

But I went kind of Chris Farley esque.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Modeled it after a little bit of Farley.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So you did some Farley stuff. I don't remember you being too farly.

[Brady Bogan]

No, it wasn't. It was like a. The only time I did that was we had some press conferences or just talking about, you know, that I. I figured being the avid fan, there was an outside chance that, oh, maybe I get a shot at trying out for the team, too, because it's a new team.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brady Bogan]

That kind of enthusiasm.

[John Holmberg]

So those kind of commercials. Because for a while there, you never know.

[Brady Bogan]

I might.

[John Holmberg]

You know, people don't realize this, but for a little while, Brady and that guy that you were with. With Byron.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Were the only two people in Diamondbacks uniforms for a couple of years. Like, you were the only ones that were seen in Diamondbacks. Yeah. On the commercials on TV and billboards and things like that.

[Brady Bogan]

Williams got signed and. Yeah, we did commercials with them.

[John Holmberg]

But that was 98, when they first started to get those guys.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, they actually got them in around 97, almost at the end of the.

[John Holmberg]

Year because they were playing for somebody else, so they couldn't have done it until the season was over. However it was before.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, they took the field.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Whenever they got. It was a 98 was their first year, right. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, they probably. Well, they had the. The expansion draft and they picked up J. Bell and those guys came off the other team. So I remember if Matt Williams was a free agent or if he was on the expansion draft, but. Yeah, but then Brady was. Brady was the face of the Diamondback. And do you remember his name? Brett. Oh, yeah, what was it?

[Brett Fesley]

Drew.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, batter. That's right. Drew. Hey, batta. So you'd have won that little battle.

[Brett Fesley]

But he was a little more arrogant than Chris Farley.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, fan, I'll tell you this right now. The Diamondback's original mascot was a flat out dick. Just eyeballed friends that he worked with every single day of his life. And not in a joking manner. It would have been funny had he joked about about it. Hey, I know that guy, dad. Oh yeah. Like, yeah, that's Brady. I work with him. Hey, Brady. What's going on? Howdy, fan. Just kept walking. Didn't know it was me. Looked right through me. Probably stared at my chest more than my face. Hi, fan. Enjoy the big day?

[Brady Bogan]

Just didn't recognize you.

[John Holmberg]

No, you didn't try. You were. You were in your own. You were feeling some Brady at that moment.

[Brett Fesley]

Did you do TV commercials and everything.

[John Holmberg]

Before the construction even just hanging around the construction site like a pervert?

[Brady Bogan]

Almost two years.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, man. Brady was the face of the Diamondbacks. And it is. There is so like we'll occasionally get a what looks like a 1960s photograph of you as Drew. Hay. Better somebody will send. It goes, is this Brady?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

This was the first night of the ball game. I went and I posed with this guy.

[Brady Bogan]

And there's so many out there that was just weird that you don't realize nobody cares while.

[John Holmberg]

But do you have any pictures of you with the Philly fanatic? No, See, that's the thing.

[Brady Bogan]

Nobody mascots.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, I'm talking about just generally in life.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody's gonna keep those in like high regard back in the. You know, you're not taking a photograph with the Philly fanatic as a kid and then framing it and keeping it as an. You'll find it later.

[Brady Bogan]

It's not like Disneyland.

[John Holmberg]

No, It'd be like 30 years later, even Disneyland, man. You still go through the pile of pictures in the drawer and you're like.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, yeah, but you keep your picture with Mickey.

[John Holmberg]

Who? With Mickey Mouse. Yeah, yeah. But it's in a drawer.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And so now I'd find it and I'd be like look at this. And maybe I'd show it to somebody with Drew. Hey Batta. Come on. That's not me. The next move in the house going through some things I don't need anymore. That's.

[Brady Bogan]

That's hitting the bottom Baxter easier than.

[John Holmberg]

I'm still not keeping that. That a picture of me and Baxter. That's not hard to get. So I. You know so there's very little even like television commercials. There's very little evidence that Brady had this job.

[Brett Fesley]

I'm literally on YouTube right now trying to find it and I can't find anything.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. This guy just even said it. I've been saying that for 20 plus years. There is no evidence of Drew Hay better existing at all. Online magazines nearly impossible.

[Brady Bogan]

First couple editions of the the Diamondback we're on the COVID one the one of the issues and then another Diamondbacks magazine. Yeah they had.

[John Holmberg]

See they even keep those around. I didn't even know that was a thing like on a program.

[Brady Bogan]

No, they put out a season basically. I think it was like season tickets. Do you get a anything from the Suns? They used to do that with the Suns.

[John Holmberg]

Well they do it with. They're not going to send magazines anymore. They'll send you like. Like emails and updates and.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. News back then you'd get. You know if you are a season ticket holder get a book and they'd have them at the stadium as well.

[John Holmberg]

Well if anybody's got it, Brady will pay a hundred dollars per photo. If you with through pay better bring it back into his life. It's done. Mark it down Brady. It's all right around here. Other people can say what you'll pay for something. It's okay. Brady will pay $500 for anything that's been autographed by Brady. And $100 for any photo you have of Brady as his drew. Hey, better. 100 bucks in your pocket guaranteed from Brady Bogan. There you go, buddy. I did that for you. Thank you.

[Brady Bogan]

Couple of basis fun facts. It's possible to be allergic to other people.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I've heard that before. By the way, I just got my first photograph. But I will say the person sending it is not in the photo so it doesn't count. This could just be some manufactured nonsense. There's Byron Jenkins and Drew. Hey, better.

[Brett Fesley]

Oh, let's see.

[John Holmberg]

Jim Wilson has this but. Oh man, he hangs on to it.

[Brady Bogan]

He keeps that in his wallet.

[John Holmberg]

James says pay up. Well, you're texting the wrong guy. Jimmy.

[Brady Bogan]

We knew he'd be in right away.

[John Holmberg]

Brady's your guy. Here's some. Someone found Drew. Hey. Better on an AI search. And it says a person named Brady mentioned in the podcast about the Diamondbacks mascot. Along with Drew. They're mentioned in the podcast. A person named Brady. I need some evidence.

[Brady Bogan]

Wombat poop is cube shaped.

[John Holmberg]

I'll take a word.

[Brady Bogan]

Scientists think it keeps their droppings from rolling away, which rom they. They use it to mark their territory.

[John Holmberg]

They poop little squares.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

On hills.

[Brady Bogan]

So it keeps the. Yeah, it must be hilly terrain. A contronym is a word that can mean two things that are opposites.

[John Holmberg]

It contradicts itself, like rent.

[Brady Bogan]

I got a list of contro nyms if dust.

[John Holmberg]

Yep. Because you can act as. You can remove dust or you can add dust.

[Brady Bogan]

Lease left to depart or to remain.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Buckle to fasten or collapse.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, wow. Never would have thought of that.

[Brady Bogan]

Ravel. To separate or to entangle. Cleave.

[John Holmberg]

Ooh.

[Brady Bogan]

To adhere or to split.

[John Holmberg]

Interesting. Never heard it. To adhere. Contro nymphs. Who knew? Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. We got David Spade joining us today. I forgot about that. He's going to call us up.

[Brady Bogan]

Is it illegal to burn. It's illegal to burn a foreign country's flag in Denmark. But it's legal to burn the Danish flag.

[John Holmberg]

Freedom of speech. They don't want to piss anybody off. They don't have much of an army. Denmark's trying to keep it together. Go ahead, burn our flag. We're not going to fight you. But don't get all lippy and start burning, you know, America's flag there.

[Brady Bogan]

A new study found working too many hours a week literally changes the structure of your brain. Researchers scanned the brains of 110 healthcare workers, split them into two categories. Overworked and not overworked. They defined overworked as 52 hours a week or more. They found that working with that much, that working that much can cause significant changes in parts of the brain associated with executive function and emotional regulation. It can mess with your decision making skills, cause you to get emotional or fly off the handle a lot. They didn't look at the long term effects, but they suspect that being overworked for years on end is. Isn't great for your mental health.

[John Holmberg]

So you're saying that working really hard, you have a boiling point and you will snap, huh?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

They did a scientific study about that.

[Dick Toledo]

Imagine if only they had examples.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, exactly. Wonder what made them want to do this. This study.

[Brady Bogan]

And Another poll found 47% of Gen Zers say they they're having more sex while working remotely due to the more flexible schedules. Technically, they didn't say they were getting it on while they're on the clock, but they are. But when it comes to things like they'd like to see added to the office, 38% said they'd like to have private spaces for hookups and solo play.

[John Holmberg]

Wait a minute.

[Brady Bogan]

During the workday provided by Gen Z.

[John Holmberg]

Is asking for horror rooms in the office. Well, damn it all. Just when I thought I couldn't. I love this generation more alone or.

[Brady Bogan]

With a co worker.

[John Holmberg]

Not kidding. All right, everybody. The gen zers that work here have requested that we turn one of the offices into a slut house. So I'm just gonna draw two names and paired you up so we don't overwork you. Brady and Thriller. Yeah, let's get into the horror room and get to. I don't know who the top is, but I bet it's not Thriller.

[Dick Toledo]

Guys on the floor. Indian leg wrestling.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't know. That is disgusting. And they think that that was a good idea. That goes in the suggestion box, which was, by the way, one of the names of my poem. Somebody thought, you know, what we should do is since we work back in the office now, have our own private spaces that.

[Dick Toledo]

I think it'll help with my productivity.

[John Holmberg]

Because I got my eyes on that Jennifer down there, and I'm thinking maybe she'd be interested. How do you. Even. After the MeToo movement, how do you even talk to someone at work about that?

[Brady Bogan]

Right, because you'd be in trouble for asking. You want to take a little break?

[John Holmberg]

You can't even say a lady looks nice in her clothes at work anymore without meeting with hr. Now you've got a room, you want.

[Brady Bogan]

To meet me in the break room.

[John Holmberg]

Break room. That's different. Well, that's getting soda in a Danish.

[Brady Bogan]

What do they call that?

[John Holmberg]

They call it the room because that's what it is. Do you want to go lay down in the whorehouse? I don't think we're supposed to talk about that at work. Yeah, yeah. I didn't say you looked. I didn't say your clothes look nice. I'm not sexually harassing you. I'm trying to. You. That's different.

[Brady Bogan]

I got a quick Wild America, right?

[John Holmberg]

And go.

[Brady Bogan]

Hello, my friends. I'm Brady Bogan, and this is your Wild America. Vox just did a big article on how the hummingbird feeder in your yard might Be poisoning them.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Basically, your hummingbird feeder. The sugar water spoils faster than you think.

[John Holmberg]

Oh.

[Brady Bogan]

Especially in warmer weather here.

[John Holmberg]

It's terrible.

[Brady Bogan]

If you don't clean the feeder and replace the liquid, they can end up with bacterial or fungal infections that can kill them.

[John Holmberg]

Might as well be meth.

[Brady Bogan]

A study found in 2019 found that most of the microbes aren't deadly enough to cause huge declines in hummingbird populations. But it happens. One expert says it's fairly common for dirty feeders to at least make them sick.

[John Holmberg]

Dirty feeders, A good band name.

[Brady Bogan]

How often should you clean them?

[John Holmberg]

Every day.

[Brady Bogan]

Every day or two.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You've got sugar rotting in a tube in your backyard.

[Brett Fesley]

Nobody's doing that.

[Dick Toledo]

No, of course, vinegar isn't.

[John Holmberg]

It doesn't.

[Dick Toledo]

Sugar just.

[Brady Bogan]

It does. It can get that. And then.

[John Holmberg]

And I don't understand, like, why you're trying to draw hummingbirds that close to you. How. How dull is your life? What are you just. It's like awakenings, for God's sakes. Like.

[Dick Toledo]

Well, when you. When you get an unintended feral cat adoption about two years ago.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

It can be a little bit of wild world in your backyard.

[John Holmberg]

With the hummingbirds.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, yeah. She's caught them a couple.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, she eats them.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, that's impressive.

[John Holmberg]

That's really impressive.

[Dick Toledo]

She came in, so use the.

[John Holmberg]

Well, hold on. You drew in the hummingbirds with a feeder, and she was eating them.

[Dick Toledo]

Lisa did it unintentionally. She was doing the hummingbird, and the.

[John Holmberg]

Cat was eating the hummingbirds while they.

[Dick Toledo]

Would stay on the fence line and just stalk them.

[John Holmberg]

So she's complicit it in the crime. Oh, yeah. She brought the food to the minute. Yeah, she did.

[Brady Bogan]

Assist.

[John Holmberg]

That's an assist. Yep. That's like a Gretzky assist. She's going to be points leader. Did you keep up the hummingbird feeder? No, it's gone.

[Dick Toledo]

It's empty right now.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Megan Stanley.

[Brady Bogan]

We just got a new one.

[John Holmberg]

Why?

[Brett Fesley]

We got one out there.

[John Holmberg]

I know.

[Dick Toledo]

Well, you do it because that one out here is changed out regularly. I've seen that guy grab it, like, three times now.

[John Holmberg]

Whose is this it?

[Dick Toledo]

I have no idea.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, Katie KB Came along and long Paul's inevitable. We had hummingbird feeders. You have one at your house?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Just to marvel at birds.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, we got. Well, you know, for like, five years in a row, we had hummingbird nests underneath the patio. You didn't need on the lighting, and.

[John Holmberg]

You still put a feeder in.

[Brady Bogan]

It was already there.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, so they. They like my kestrels. They just made camp. That's dope. And again, like I said, when you're feeding the wildlife, you invite the homeless ones. They show up and put up their parents. You just basically had the zone of hummingbirds on your back patio and thought it was beautiful.

[Brady Bogan]

I think that traffic getting the feeder stop them from doing the nest anymore. Too much.

[John Holmberg]

Too many. Too many guys coming by to squat and you still have it.

[Brady Bogan]

And then the other thing. Do I still have the feeder?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. Do you go outside just about. A bigger one.

[Brady Bogan]

No.

[John Holmberg]

To get like. Do you have one of those smaller. It's not the tube that has like 10ft.

[Brady Bogan]

No, it's a glass bottle. So you can wash it out.

[John Holmberg]

I bet you Kirby uses it.

[Brett Fesley]

Oh yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Turn into a decent bone.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's a bond all right. I've seen it. Hummingbird feeders are good bones. Yeah. I don't get that because how dull is your life? Oh, bird like.

[Brady Bogan]

I mean, hummingbirds are kind of cool.

[John Holmberg]

For how long?

[Brady Bogan]

A couple seconds.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You know, it's not worth it. Two seconds of your life. It's not like sex, Brady. It's a couple of seconds. You could be doing something else.

[Brady Bogan]

That's your wild America.

[John Holmberg]

I'll never understand the hummingbird feeder. I think you've pretty much quit on any true entertainment in life. When you've got a hummingbird feeder in your backyard and you're actively like staring at it, it's. It's an admission of the death of yourself. It really is.

[Brady Bogan]

Every once in a while you're sitting on the patio, you can hear that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. Because you're in your wheelchair just waiting for sweet, sweet death to come. And you. Yeah. This uncity special active young people very rarely are like, oh, I just want to sit on my back patio and not move and watch birds and eat.

[Brady Bogan]

You're watching tv.

[John Holmberg]

It's sad. You see smoking, smoking some brisket, staring at ncis.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Probably because most people. Yeah, most people. Most people who love hummingbirds are watching blue bloods.

[Brady Bogan]

A 72 year old man in Florida named Samuel Thomas was arrested after calling 911 on his neighbors. He claimed someone was shooting an AR15 in the roadway. When the cops showed up. They only saw a family barbecue happening in the residence with small children at play. Several other neighbors reported no shooting that had taken place.

[John Holmberg]

They called and said there's no shooting. That's weird.

[Brady Bogan]

Samuel did.

[John Holmberg]

Oh no.

[Brady Bogan]

The other neighbors reported there no shooting had taken place. The neighbor that said that Samuel has called 911 on them hundreds of times. Frequently stops in the front yard, sometimes at the residence, and yells obscenities at her and her family. And she was being nuisance. According to the police records, Samuel's made 3,400 calls to 911 this year alone. 16,000 calls within the last five years.

[John Holmberg]

He's on pace for 7,000 this year.

[Brady Bogan]

It's unclear what all the complaining was about, but 647 of the 3,400 were targeted at the neighbor having the barbecue.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Holmberg's morning sickness. 600 of them at that one particular.

[Brady Bogan]

Barbecue at that family.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, not the complaints towards that family. Whenever they. I see. Okay.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, he doesn't like that family.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Brady Bogan]

He's accused them of having narcotics sales, firearms usage, disorderly conduct.

[John Holmberg]

He just wants him gone.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. It's unclear why the police haven't cut him off from calling.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you've abused it.

[Brady Bogan]

Salmon was arrested for stalking and filing a false report court. He was also charged with resisting arrest for tussling with the officers when he tried.

[John Holmberg]

He's gonna flip out and kill that family. I watch Fear Thy Neighbor.

[Brady Bogan]

This is about, say, there's no evidence of mental health issues. He's just a 911 abuser.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, watch Fear Thy Neighbor because the next step after this is usually a family member on tv on the ID channel. Saying. Saying the cops didn't do anything about it. They put him right back in his house. And then he realized, I'm not allowed to call 911 anymore. I'm gonna do this myself. Somebody's getting murdered. Write down their names because we're gonna. We're gonna hear about them in the future. And it's gonna be a great show on the ID network.

[Brady Bogan]

Samuel's rap sheet includes multiple battery convictions, dui, pot, possession.

[John Holmberg]

That's gonna kill everybody.

[Brett Fesley]

It's over.

[Brady Bogan]

Intoxication, passing bad checks, violating probation.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you can't cut him off from 91 1.

[Brady Bogan]

Here's your guy, Samuel, if you're running into him.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, the raised eyebrow.

[John Holmberg]

It's like 72 years old. He does look like. He looks like DJ Yella.

[Brett Fesley]

That is yellow.

[John Holmberg]

That's NWA's DJ Yellow. I always wondered what happened to him. Turned out he's crazy.

[Dick Toledo]

We have some couple of confirmation texts.

[John Holmberg]

Coming in about Brady. Yeah, he owes him a hundred dollars. What?

[Dick Toledo]

First one says, hey, can you ask Brady if he knew a dear friend of mine named Greg Sheldon? Because Greg was the original artist who drew D. Baxter, the Diamondback mascot, his replacement.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, I Do not.

[John Holmberg]

That's. That's DJ Yellow is on our screen. And that's the guy who's gonna kill his neighbor soon.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Dad.

[John Holmberg]

Well, DJL is. Yeah. Color versus the black and white.

[Dick Toledo]

Another one says John. I worked full, full time security at the Bob.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

Three times.

[John Holmberg]

Three.

[Dick Toledo]

I assisted Brady with overeager fans. After the third time, Brady said thanks and I said no problem, Brady. Three days later, the supervisor put out a memo that said we need to address Brady as Drew Heybatter and nothing else.

[John Holmberg]

Wow, what a dick. Here's the thing. I didn't say that. Yeah, you did. You went to the office for that. I'm tired of these pricks calling me by my brain name. But I'm here. I'm Drew. Hey batter.

[Brady Bogan]

Whoa, man.

[Brett Fesley]

Brady Day Lewis over here.

[John Holmberg]

He used to get into character at the old station. He'd be in the hallway in the, in the uniform going through his exercises like Excuse me, Brady. Brady left like yellow. Drew, can I. Can I use the bathroom when Drew is done? You may use the bathroom.

[Brett Fesley]

Etc, man.

[John Holmberg]

So photographic evidence or some sort of memo from the Diamondbacks? Yeah, that says you're not allowed to call him Brady. Cuz that doesn't surprise me at all. He was an.

[Dick Toledo]

He says. Unfortunately that was about nine phones ago, so I think they've been lost.

[John Holmberg]

At least there weren't. There weren't picture phones when Brady did this.

[Brett Fesley]

Probably wasn't allowed to take pictures of Brady.

[John Holmberg]

Well, not for charged.

[Brady Bogan]

You ask for permission.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Hey Brady, can I get a picture? I don't know, maybe ask someone named Brady for a picture. I'm Drew and should be addressed as True.

[Brady Bogan]

Don't blow it.

[John Holmberg]

Call me Drew. Hey, better get out of my face. Hilarious. Yeah, we just. We. You just wrote the an episode for Fear Thy Neighbor. Every single one of them. The cops are there 20, 30, 40, 50 times before they're like you, you quit calling us and then the dude.

[Brady Bogan]

Not until something happens.

[John Holmberg]

Well, if something will happen, right? That door's getting kicked in. Next barbecue there's going to be a bunch of dead people.

[Dick Toledo]

What'd you say the name of the show was?

[John Holmberg]

Fear Thy Neighbor.

[Dick Toledo]

Fear thy Neighbor.

[John Holmberg]

Every one of them. The blueprint is the cops were called hundreds of times and One of the two of them usually abuses 911 and the cops can't do anything about it because they're just bickering. And the cops always say stop calling. And then dude's like fine. And then the one guy goes to jail for calling too often and he comes Back and shoots people in the middle of the night. Guaranteed DJ Yellow is going to kill his neighbors. And he's a black guy. What's he mad about the barbecue across the street for? He's beyond. Get over there. Just be nicer and you'll get some of that sweet, sweet rib. I don't get it.

[Brady Bogan]

Did you see the latest Trump? There's a couple Items. New merchandise.

[John Holmberg]

One phone.

[Brady Bogan]

Trump mobile.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the gold phone.

[Brady Bogan]

47.45Amonth. 47.45.

[John Holmberg]

I get it.

[Dick Toledo]

I like how you didn't flip them.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. Get the extra two bucks in there. I don't want to dick around with 45 phone. That's cheap.

[Brady Bogan]

And you get the gold phone for 499.

[John Holmberg]

They're not that expensive. The phone. The gold phone. Yeah, but who makes it is the bigger thing. I know it's.

[Brady Bogan]

It's.

[Brett Fesley]

China.

[John Holmberg]

It's team don't liberal phone. All right, let the. Let the men talk about this for a second. How who makes the phone? He may be right. But let's not jump to conclusions. We know Toledo's thoughts.

[Brady Bogan]

They show a picture. I don't see a list of the company. They just say it's a. It's not an iPhone.

[John Holmberg]

Right. Apple didn't make it.

[Brady Bogan]

What's the other platform?

[John Holmberg]

Huawei.

[Dick Toledo]

Well, it's Android. Is Android platform or Google? Those are the three.

[John Holmberg]

I had it made in China. I made a deal with Jijing, said.

[Dick Toledo]

It was going to be manufactured here.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I thought so, but have you seen those prices? I can't sell a phone for 4745amonth. You got to do business better than that. Toledo and could it. Toledo is not very bright, is he, Brady? He's not a bright man. A lot of people say space bit. He's not. He's not a good China. They build phones.

[Brady Bogan]

Trump Mobile. There's the picture of the phone.

[John Holmberg]

It's cool. Yeah, I saw the gold phone. He's holding it. So he's using it, which is. He's putting his money where his mouth is.

[Brady Bogan]

You're also. The other item. Is the Trump instant pot.

[John Holmberg]

Is this allowed?

[Dick Toledo]

No.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. Toledo again. You have to pull away from this.

[Brett Fesley]

Nobody's listening.

[John Holmberg]

You're just saying it because you're angry. You don't know for sure.

[Dick Toledo]

I'm not angry.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm just.

[John Holmberg]

You just shouted no too quickly. It was very. Don't do it. You don't know that.

[Dick Toledo]

I do know that the emoluments clause.

[John Holmberg]

All right, go on.

[Dick Toledo]

You can't do things that enrich your.

[John Holmberg]

It's Trump. Donald Trump.

[Dick Toledo]

No, but he's supposed to be out of that business.

[Brett Fesley]

He is his kid running it. From what I understand. It's Eric.

[John Holmberg]

Don Jr. His daughter.

[Brett Fesley]

I think it's Eric.

[Dick Toledo]

Eric on that one.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. So this Trump phone is his son's ID idea. He's allowed to make as much money as he'd like. This communist over here.

[Brett Fesley]

Unbelievable.

[John Holmberg]

Take away from the whole fame. There's a monument clause. I'm not doing anything. Toledo is just a typical MSNBC guy.

[Brady Bogan]

Trump bibles. There's going to be some Trump China. That's right.

[John Holmberg]

Trump China. Made in the usa. Good China. The best China's made right here in San Francisco by the Chinese who immigrated. Get their little tiny Chinese hands in there making the plates. Of course you'll get. You'll get the naysayers out there, hey, can I do this? And you'll hear that the Toledoes of the world immediately firing off no. And suddenly they know about the monument clause. Saw that on Ms. Dnc.

[Brady Bogan]

Let's get some.

[John Holmberg]

That happened at your house. House. That was an argument one night over dinner. That's why. You know that clause. No.

[Dick Toledo]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah. That's not something you carry. That's come up recently.

[Dick Toledo]

I've seen it on msn.

[John Holmberg]

I told you. What did I say? MSDNC taught him everything he knows.

[Dick Toledo]

First in the first time.

[John Holmberg]

No kings.

[Dick Toledo]

That came up.

[John Holmberg]

No kings. Meanwhile your party decided to have an entire just anointment of a candidate. No votes. But I'm the king. I guess that's how it works around here. Anyway. By my new Trump crowns. It's all for Eric. It's a beautiful thing. No kings. But Trump crowns. Beautiful pictures of Eric's dad on there. Eric's dad. That's right. Can't say it's me because you'll. The MSDNC is a breakout. There are monument clauses. Can't have a crown with my hat on it. But what are you going to do? Crown royal is a great idea. New Trump crown or Trump high tops. The.

[Brady Bogan]

The.

[John Holmberg]

The hair force ones. The amazing shoes that I put on. Course that's where Toledo and his wife shouted each other at night over Emmett. Them and that dude Rachel Maddow just yelling at each other in the tv. He can't do it. He can't do it. But look, I'm doing it, Brad. I'm doing it. Would you like to buy a phone? Brett? You're allowed. Yeah.

[Brett Fesley]

I gotcha.

[John Holmberg]

It only makes calls to people on the right. Every time you try to call Rachel Maddow, it connects you directly to Sean Hannity.

[Brady Bogan]

I mean, you think about it every now. I mean, Billy Beer.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. The brothers are allowed to do stuff. Another lib cuck nightmare. Of course, even his brother wanted to spend his time drunk while Carter was president. We all had. Oh.

[Brady Bogan]

First one's a girl on a golf cart.

[John Holmberg]

A really hot one.

[Dick Toledo]

John's experience.

[Brady Bogan]

Slap jagging around.

[John Holmberg]

This looks like Page. She's dancing on the side of a moving golf cart. She's gonna fall off. Off taking a sip. Oh, she takes a step to fall out of the cart.

[Dick Toledo]

Might be in the protocol.

[John Holmberg]

She's muscular. Oh, yeah, she ate it. That's fun to watch. It's fun when hot blondes fall out of golf carts.

[Brady Bogan]

Got a fight on this next one.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Is that a gallows? Okay. They're in a bar with a gallows.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Little dude spits on a big dude and then he takes two punches. Is that man wearing a brave feather?

[Brady Bogan]

It looks like it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

He's got a.

[John Holmberg]

He's got a hog feather back of his hat.

[Dick Toledo]

Maybe it's kestrel.

[John Holmberg]

And then everybody's in masks. This looks like.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, why take off your glasses to spit on somebody?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's a good question. Don't spit on guys that at all. Ever. That's a beat down. Well, that's three good punches. And he mops the floor with that dude. Although the big guy started it by throwing his drink in his face. Okay, don't spit on people. Like I always say, they spit, we hit. That's how it works. Toledo hates that. He and his wife will argue with Rachel Maddow tonight. Okay, well, let your wife tell you what you think about that later tonight. Ask her what she thinks you think. Because that's what's going to happen. That's what most, most cucks do.

[Brady Bogan]

That.

[John Holmberg]

You know that, Brett.

[Brett Fesley]

I know.

[John Holmberg]

Rachel Maddow tells their wives what to think. And then they come home with an opinion and that. And then their wives tell them, no, you don't think that anymore. And they. And they go ahead and they start saying a monument clause. They say words like that. Nobody knew what that was. That was never a thing. Never a thing till just now. And now Eric Trump can't make money because Toledo said so. I don't understand.

[Dick Toledo]

I don't think you've had any problem making money.

[John Holmberg]

That's exactly right, Richard. Because I'm a smart man. How have you Been doing. Do you need another loan?

[Dick Toledo]

Are you offering?

[John Holmberg]

Not to you. Because I want it paid back.

[Dick Toledo]

Damn it.

[John Holmberg]

I like when people pay loans back.

[Dick Toledo]

Wait a minute.

[John Holmberg]

Do you have any enriched minerals? Every one of them. Do you have any enriched minerals in your backyard? Probably not. Do you hear how fast he was to shoot down all that? No. The monument clause. It's fun. It's fun being in the middle and seeing people go crazy.

[Brady Bogan]

The last. Brady. Vito, a guy needs a Kleenex.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. I'm looking at the still shot. Oh, he sneaks squeezed out a gallon of snot, and it's just stuck to his. Honestly, Brady, let me ask this question. Peter north to the face or that guy, what do you take?

[Brett Fesley]

Oh.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm taking the north.

[John Holmberg]

I'm taking the north, too. I'm not taking snot. I would much rather have give me legendary instead of hillbilly.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, my God, I hate your choices.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Peter north gives you a full A100 decoration north style. Or that guy comes in and sneezes that on you.

[Brett Fesley]

I'll take the legendary.

[John Holmberg]

I got stories with Peter North. The other thing, I'm at the doctor's office. Oh, it's not even a close battle.

[Brett Fesley]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I would take a Peter north shot before I'd let that guy, like, take his shoes off in my house. There's nothing. That dude is filthy from top to bottom. And by the way, I just wanted to let you know that I talked to Stanley Hubbard, who runs your company there, Richard, and I talked him into it because it's necessary. And I'm a good guy. I'm a good guy. I see both sides. I'm a president for all Americans, and I talked him into covering with your insurance TDS So you can go ahead, go to the doctor and get fixed up for your Trump derangement syndrome, which you clearly have. And you're welcome.

[Dick Toledo]

Thank you, sir.

[John Holmberg]

All right, Bert, what do you got?

[Brett Fesley]

Clyde just emailed in. Please tell me your company provides therapy for employees suffer from that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the tds. It's a real thing. I'm not gonna lie to you. It's a real thing.

[Brett Fesley]

All right, we're light today and quick, so let's go through them. This is. Well, when you get a flat tire, this is who you want show up to fix your tire.

[John Holmberg]

Oh. Oh, geez. She's a lady with no pants on. She's got the tire iron in her. In her body parts. She's pretty.

[Brett Fesley]

She's got hillbilly.

[John Holmberg]

She's definitely got hillbilly. Face. That is not going the right direction. How'd she get so far along and have no kids? Because clearly that thing's not.

[Dick Toledo]

She's got tetanus, that's why.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, well, probably because she's putting that rusty thing in there.

[Brett Fesley]

I think you're just immune to it when you're from those states.

[John Holmberg]

She didn't get any vaccines, so.

[Brett Fesley]

No, you're just born with immunity from that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Maybe that's to pass down generation to generation.

[Brady Bogan]

Tough.

[John Holmberg]

Because you could have rust all day long. Good band name. Another good band name. The rust C word. Oh, boy. All right. Scrotum, ac. Acupuncture, that's a negotiation. Okay. There's 30 or 40 needles in this guy. Scrotum.

[Dick Toledo]

And one of his nipples.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. He's got a couple in his. Running it up the side of his penis and they're working them all the way up there. We're looking at probably 50 needles all the way through. Yeah. And then the goat screams. Yeah.

[Brett Fesley]

And then we'll just end.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Brett Fesley]

Just end here.

[Dick Toledo]

Is that an actual website? Crazy. S.com has to be, right?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, there's a lady with scoliosis or something naked. She's got terrible spinal as. She's reaching back behind herself. Again, Jeopardy's playing. She's oiling her bottom. She's putting most of her hand in her own butt. Oh, God. Here comes the rosebud. No, she's trying to poke one out. Oh, God. This. This Big Montana, she's got. Oh, God. Oh, there's blood. There's blood coming out. Oh, she's finger painting. Oh, Jesus Christ.

[Brett Fesley]

Getting in some replay show.

[Brady Bogan]

Seen her before.

[John Holmberg]

What's the whole point of the butt part? To turn around and show us that the. The Big Montana is rare enough attention.

[Dick Toledo]

To know if we.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I didn't order my Big Montana rare. I'd like to have this cooked somewhere. This is covered in blood. Oh, my Lord.

[Brett Fesley]

That's what I got today.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that made. I haven't. I didn't throw it, but I've got chills. That was only a three. Unnatural. Why did she fist her butt first and then go. Oh, by the way.

[Brett Fesley]

It's like she couldn't get the rose butt out or something, so she just flipped it over.

[John Holmberg]

She gave us. All right, sorry. Instead, it's like when a magician's trick doesn't work. So he goes back to. All right, I got this. If you want to see this, I'll do this last one. My grand finale kind of failed. I was going to rosebud for it. But is there something you do where you reach in and like pull a lever? Because it seems like the rosebud always has to have something reaching around in there and then they like you turn it inside out like a T shirt.

[Brady Bogan]

It does seem like there's a release switch in there.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not willing to try and find.

[Brett Fesley]

Mine, but just go down hall and ask him. They'll tell you.

[John Holmberg]

Why don't you ask Toledo? His wife does it to his ass every night while she's telling him how his brain works. Does she make you dress like Rachel Madden? So you're a real man.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

See what I did? Ready called Rachel Maddow a real man because that's what she like.

[Brady Bogan]

I definitely call Tim Waltz today.

[John Holmberg]

Tim. I'm not going to call Tim Waltz. He's a mess. He's an idiot. I'm not gonna. I would, but what's the point? He just screw it all up. It's 8:15. There you go. My God. That literally gave me chills. I got that is that is not a gently used lady bit?

[Brett Fesley]

No.

[John Holmberg]

That thing has been thrashed. Yes, thrashed. Like a fish out of water. Beat that to death. Thrashed is the word. I hate to break it to you, darling, but I'm looking down at this thing and the only word that comes to mind is thrashed. I know. It's been beaten up pretty bad. Bad. Like I said, thrashed. I want that to happen to someone I know. Dude, it was thrashed. Just tell a girl this thing's thrashed. I'm out.

[Brady Bogan]

Where you going?

[John Holmberg]

Look down at yours today, ladies. And if the word thrashed applies, you know, end it. I think you go get some of that. What is that stuff called? The under eye. Tightens up your under eye bags. Just rub that all over there. David Spade's gonna join us. He's in Tucson and here this week. Yeah, Thursday he's in Tucson at the Ronstadt Music Hall. And then here he's at the Phoenix Celebrity Theater. You can get tickets at Ticketmaster. We'll talk to David Spade in just a little bit. It's 98, Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio. Radio station.

[Dick Toledo]

You thought that was funny?

[John Holmberg]

You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? And we're very proud two weeks in a row now to have local superstars on the phone Right now is Mr. David Spade. Mr. Spade, are you there?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Who else did you have? Irma Bomback?

[John Holmberg]

Yep, we had Irma Bomback and Linda Carter. Last week we had a cook off right here on this. It was great.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Who was last week with Michael Longfellow.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, okay. I know him.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Good job.

[John Holmberg]

From snl. And he was in town and came down here, which was pretty cool. And you. Are you. Since Irma Bombeck and Linda Carter and maybe Alice Cooper, which. I'm a little bit tired of that one. You're probably our most famous person from Phoenix, don't you think?

[Ryan Reynolds]

I like to hear that. But you know what? I saw some top 10 list. I wasn't even on it. I'm like, okay, that's enough.

[John Holmberg]

Who was on it?

[Ryan Reynolds]

It's like huge. I think Hugh down.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, He's.

[Ryan Reynolds]

He's always in there wiggling in the top five and. But I can't think of who. If there was a good. Oh, Emma Stone. That's legit.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's a big one. Yeah, that's true.

[Ryan Reynolds]

She's Tucson, I think.

[John Holmberg]

But yeah, she doesn't claim it.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Barry Goldwater is getting up there. He's got to be pretty old.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he's still. He's still good, though, I think in.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You know, it's funny because I. When I was in Casa Grande when I grew up, my brother kupd's been around a while.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Just. I don't know if you guys know, but. So he wrote KUPD on his wall with paint and my mom was like, oh, they're devil worshipers. Couldn't even deal with it. Sheep. Because it was like in five foot letters. I'm like, brian, what are you doing? But we were Casa Grande. We were like, hey, man, this is.

[John Holmberg]

But honestly, David, if somebody is painting radio station call letters on their wall in 5ft length, they might be devil worshippers. I think that might be.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No, no, they were saying you guys are. They were.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, oh, I see.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Indoctrinating him.

[John Holmberg]

Well, we were.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I don't think you guys were there then. It was the wild one, Dave Pratt.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, you were back in the day. Yeah. Back when that thief was on the air. We'll get into that in a little bit.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It's so disgusting.

[John Holmberg]

When you. Now, let me ask you this now, when you. Because you graduated Saguaro High School, correct?

[Ryan Reynolds]

I think so.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, something like that. So it was over in Scottsdale. You're in that area when you.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

When you started getting sort of some. Some serious notoriety and then came back to town. Who. And they may be listening today, which is why I want you to Answer this honestly. Who did you want to first rub the fame in their face? Who would. Saguaro High School was the one. You're like, this one's going to eat it the most.

[Ryan Reynolds]

God, I don't know. Because I was such a. I was pretty friendly with most of the people that I wasn't really. That I was just like, which girls will be nice to me now? But that. That doesn't even work out exactly right. It was. It wasn't. You know, the one funny thing I did is when we were doing that movie Black Sheep a while ago. It wasn't that far after Saguaro, but we came to town. I think we were doing like a Planet Hollywood or something dumb. But me and Farley, I go, I'll go show you my old high school. So we went over there, there. And then we went to the office, and we got on the loudspeaker, made fake announcements, and we were like, we're having a bake sale. You know, we're just making up stuff. And then Farley's like, The principal is Mrs. Court. He's like, oh, put your shirt on. And she's like, don't say that. But we started just making up stuff. And it was getting weirder and weirder, and people in classes looking up, going, what's going on? And then they figured it out.

[John Holmberg]

Hold on. You. Without telling people who you were, you just. The student body assumed there was in a sexual assault during the announcements.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah. This is the microphone to the whole school. We're like, okay. We just started going, hey, guys, sorry to interrupt your class, but the BMX championship is canceled after school. And everyone's like, oh, it is. Like, they didn't know it was. You know. So we just. Then we start getting worse and worse until they finally had to grab it and go, I get out of here.

[John Holmberg]

There's no nudity. No nudity on the morning.

[Ryan Reynolds]

But it's funny because I run into people that go, hey, dude, I was in class once, and you guys got. I was like, oh, you were there for that?

[John Holmberg]

That is so cool to just be able to have that kind of juice to wander in and go, give me the mic and just talk to these guys.

[Ryan Reynolds]

To picture Farley going, for the love of God, that would be awesome. Not knowing what's happening. She's like, ow, you're hurting me.

[John Holmberg]

Wait a minute. Were you actually assaulting her? That would have made it even better.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No, we were laughing, and she's waving hands. Go, guys, no, no, don't say this right yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So you didn't come back and, like, take advantage of spade fame?

[Ryan Reynolds]

No, I mean, I still go back and go to all the stupid places I used to go. And I do like going back there. I remember because when I'm doing Celebrity, and I went to Celebrity Theater when I was, I think, 14 and saw George Carlin there.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Celebrity's been around, too.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. Long time. We've done a lot of stuff there. Yeah, you're there Friday night.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Celebrity Theater's great.

[John Holmberg]

Great. Yeah, that Friday. And I got married in the Celebrity Theater. Yeah, we married Brady.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No, you did not.

[John Holmberg]

We did. We had a big show and married Brady right there on the stage at Celebrity Theater.

[Ryan Reynolds]

In the round.

[Brady Bogan]

In the round.

[John Holmberg]

So that kind of negates the importance of your gig Friday that we.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I know. We got. Who are they turning away?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, exactly. They'll let anybody out there. It's no big deal.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And also, did you air it on the radio show?

[John Holmberg]

That's right. It was on radio in the morning.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Was it?

[John Holmberg]

Why? Yeah, we painted it on the walls and everything. Friday, you're at Celebrity Theater. You can get tickets at Ticketmaster. And then Thursday, you evidently lost a bet and you have to go down to Tucson and do a show.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You know what's funny is that I haven't been to Tucson. I haven't performed in Tucson in so long. It's at the Linda Ronstadt Theater. Did she go to U of A or something?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, she's from Tucson. I was wondering. Yeah, she's from there. Yeah, she's super famous down in Tucson. Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I love her.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I'll give her. She could be number one out there in Arizona.

[John Holmberg]

There you go.

[Ryan Reynolds]

But it's gonna be fun because I don't know, you know, I haven't been to Dirt Bags in a while. Or all those bars down there.

[John Holmberg]

They got a Dirt Bags up here now. You don't even have to go all the way to. No way. It's right over in Arcadia. You can pop over to 44th and.

[Ryan Reynolds]

32 years later, they decide to expand.

[John Holmberg]

They just raised enough money to finally go. Let's open another one. We're doing.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Hey, I'm an angel investor.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we're pretty good now. I think we can. I think we can make that move. David, I have to. Gonna go ahead.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Okay. I was gonna ask if there's a new minder. Binders, actually.

[John Holmberg]

Funny. They closed it.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Reboot it.

[John Holmberg]

They did. They did. They. They 2.0 it. And it's equally as smelly and awful.

[Ryan Reynolds]

As the first one I was at Arizona State. They're like, let's go to the vine. It's 90 for one. I'm like, what? I'm talking about getting wasted.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Was that where you hung out a lot down. Were you a Mill Avenue rat?

[Ryan Reynolds]

For a while, I'd go to minor, but yeah, I do whatever. Everyone did.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that was it. And then you just.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, of course.

[John Holmberg]

What did you go to ASU for?

[Ryan Reynolds]

I don't know. I went there. My brother went. And then I started doing stand up, and I was a pledge. And they're like, I didn't know they were. First they were kissing my ass for the pledge week, and then a week later, they're like, hey, scrub my butt with a toothbrush. I'm like, I'm sorry, is this a freak off?

[John Holmberg]

I don't do that.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I'm the guy. You were kissing their ass a week ago. And then they're like, go get some river rocks for me. At 3:00am I go, guys, what's going on here? This seemed to take a turn for the worse. They're like, you're a pledge, you loser. I'm like, oh, no. And so I was stuck there for semesters and just barely staying, literally staying alive. They're throwing paprika on me every day. I'm like, what's happening? So I wound up getting through it, and then I just left to do standup.

[John Holmberg]

Just left to be famous somewhere else.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I left and said, listen, I literally had. I go, if I can make 80 bucks a week doing stand up, I think I can do this. And everyone's like, I think you're lowballing it a bit.

[John Holmberg]

It might be dropping down a little. I have to tell you that you're on the show today because of Frank Caliendo. Now, he said that he told you to be on the show to promote Friday. And then he. But I don't know if he told you the end of that. That he said when he. When he text me, he said, if you guys get Spade on there and tell him, or I'll tell him that I helped with that, it might help me get on Spade's podcast with Dana. Carve true at all that this will.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yes, for sure.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding.

[Ryan Reynolds]

We do like Frank and he's funny. Yeah, yeah, we love it because Dana is an impressionist too. And Frank's so good that. And my buddy Jody's always listening to you guys in Arizona still. He went to school with me and he's like, you got to get on there because it's so hilarious every day. And. And so Caliano is very welcome to come on. I hit him up, and I said, you got to come on.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's what I was. Because I told Frank, I said, I think you're selling yourself short, that you need me to be, like, the last step for you to get on. I think you're gonna get on there. I think these guys want you on there or they don't. I don't think I can help at all.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No, we're lowering the standards. Next week, we're gonna have scenes from your wedding.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, good.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Well, there might be some pictures of that wedding when you're there Friday. We might.

[Ryan Reynolds]

We might put some highlights. Oh, yeah, you're gonna bring. Oh, yeah. Okay, good. I'm looking forward to it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. The album will be up on the screen.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Here's my crowd work. Someone goes, hey, David. And I go kick them out.

[John Holmberg]

I might test that. I might get a front row seat.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Just funny when I go. Because celebrities, like, really a nice, like, 2700 seater. But if I go on the road with. I mean, not like Shane Gillis, but if. Even when the days when I go out with Adam or jump on with him and we do one of those where it's like, 10,000 seats, it's very hard to do my mumbly, like, throwaway jokes when. When it's 10,000 people yelling benchwarmers, you know, between. If there's one second of silence. And so it's very hard to do my subtle, hilarious, very thinky act.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to do too much thinking. It's too cerebral for a giant.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I know. Everyone's just grabbing their head going, this is so complex.

[John Holmberg]

I was with. This is not in any way try to brag, because it isn't. And you'll know in a second. What. I was with John Lovitz, and I was showing him Scottsdale, like, old town Scottsdale. And speaking of bench warmers and a girl. And he. And the waitress came up, and this was a great moment that I watched his face go from happy Lovitz to miserable Lovitz in like, half a second. Because the waitress came by and he said, do you know who I am? Like, immediately, the first thing when she came, not even like, can I get you. Do you know who I am? And then he goes, do you know who this guy is? And she didn't know either of us. And then she said. She said, you were familiar. And I said, do you know who David Spade is? And she goes, oh, yeah. And I said, oh, no. I said, that guy knows him. And he lost it. Like, he said, well, that's not how you introduce anybody to anyone ever. And he was very bothered by that. And then she went on about bench warmers for about 20 minutes. And I said, you're the one.

[Ryan Reynolds]

He kept saying, I'm in bench warmer.

[John Holmberg]

She sort of, like, casually remembered that, but she really remembered you. And it was wildly impressive.

[Ryan Reynolds]

The guy in the closet. Howie. Yeah. She said, you go, do you know who I am? And she goes, his grandson.

[John Holmberg]

Well, somebody did that, too. And she said, is this your son? And I said, yeah. And. And Lovett's and I are, like, 13 years apart. That is not my son. Like, he gets so offended so quickly. It's fun, but an old. He does not fit in an old town Scottsdale at all.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I just saw Lovett's this weekend. We golf. He goes, I'm. And every time he puts it in, he goes, another eagle. And I go, I don't know if you know what an eagle is.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, four over par.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Four and a half hours with Lovett's, which. That's a lot.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah. Love. It is fun. So you got to hang out. That's good.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Well, this place is a good time, man. I. I miss Saguaro. I'm. I sometimes drive back, but it's. It's, like, chained up, you know, it's not as loosey goosey as it used to be. It's like walls and.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You're not allowed to just wander on campuses like we used to and take over the intercom as an adult. That's probably. I know.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It used to be.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, the good old days when adults used to wander the campus freely. Those good old days. I remember that now.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I get carjacked. Yeah. I'm scared, but I just saw there was something. Oh, you guys got the Phoenix Open. The Phoenix Open, which they changed. Like, the garbage can open, which is the worst idea. What is it called?

[John Holmberg]

Waste management. Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, yeah. Worse. Who cleared that? And then you got a lot going on. The Cardinals are coming up. Really bump in there.

[John Holmberg]

You don't. You don't have a place here or care to ever again.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No, I just have a pile of money, and I used to store it.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, okay. Well, that's good. Yeah. So you're keeping your roots. I get it. Yeah. That's sweet.

[Ryan Reynolds]

When I. I used to bus at Scottsdale. No, I dishwashed at Scottsdale Conference center, and then I was a busboy at. All those places are closed. At the quilted bear.

[John Holmberg]

The quilted bear still open, is it?

[Brady Bogan]

I think it is.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. I didn't know that.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Over on Lincoln. Yeah, yeah, it was. I was there. I was just getting constantly fired. My mom was like, oh, not again. You can't do anything. I. I'm like, I know, but maybe my joke mumbling will take off.

[John Holmberg]

And who knew? Did she try to encourage the joke mumbling? Was she encouraging of your career?

[Ryan Reynolds]

She actually really was. She's so funny. Like, because she's such a typical mom. Like, the other day she added me onto like a 44 person text chat with people. I don't even know who they are. And I'm like, mom, am I supposed to be on there? She's like, oh, say something. It'd be fun. I'm. I'm like, I don't know what this is about or what they're talking about. And who's Dottie? She's like, oh, why did you get so show busy on me? Tell me what we're talking about. I don't. It's 400 phone numbers. There's no names. I thought this is an FBI trap.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, you'll get canceled.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, I'm like, I'm not talking to these people.

[John Holmberg]

Well, next time you're here, you need to come in. You need to come into the station. I know. You won't. That was a false way.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No, I will for sure.

[John Holmberg]

No way. Nick.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Narrator. He never did.

[John Holmberg]

And then is just show my. My tombstone and it says on there, spade never showed.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I never buzzed by like he said. He went. No, but I come from Tucson, so I have to drive up and then I fly to Albuquerque. A bq.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man.

[Ryan Reynolds]

So I'm doing. Really? I go, just give me the three most boiling places in America right now.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Who's doing your booking? A meth addict. Like Tucson to Phoenix to Albuquerque is like, Walter White in charge of his.

[Brady Bogan]

Cartel is sponsoring the tour.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Exactly. By the way, I'm in a parking lot right now where I ate breakfast and I'm like, waiting for my crack dealer or whatever.

[John Holmberg]

It could happen.

[Ryan Reynolds]

He. He's late again. Not a good business guy. No, guys.

[John Holmberg]

Not as reliable as you'd think.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

So it's gonna be 112 in Tucson, so same here. You're gonna enjoy the sweatshirt at home. Yeah, I remember how many people are tricked into moving there, though. They're like, dude, Scottsdale's blowing up. I'm like, do you know about this dirty little secret of six months out of the year?

[John Holmberg]

It sneaks up on you, too. It's like it's never. It's never a surprise, but the weather always acts like it's the first time we've ever experienced it. Like, the news is always.

[Ryan Reynolds]

When it starts going bad again, you go, oh, my God, we're back already. With the oven mitts on my hands when I get in the car to grab the wheel.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Well, you get to experience it Friday. And you're going to be here. Tickets are at ticketmaster if you want to grab. Grab them. Phoenix celebrity theater, Friday night. Just one show Friday, right? You're doing the. The full.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah. Tucson one. They're one. An ABQ one. And then. And there you go off to wherever after that. Yeah. So. But I appreciate you guys talking to me. It's nice. I always hear about it. Grew up on cupd. That's excited. And thank you.

[John Holmberg]

You need to come in more often, Come back home, visit the family, and say hi to all of us more often. We're very.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I'm just there. It's easier because I do come in, but when it's jammed like this.

[Brett Fesley]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no, I get it. Yeah. I would dodge it, too. And also, we're very proud of you. You realize that, right?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Thank you, buddy.

[John Holmberg]

That's true.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You're like. It's easy. You park. You go downtown. You park in a building two blocks away on the fourth level. Argyle meet you, and then you valet. Then you. That's. It's shelf park. Yeah. No, I know. It's going to be a. It'll be a cakewalk.

[John Holmberg]

It'll be. You've done this before. You're not afraid or anything, are you? Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

They're like, Usually it's different. It's like the morning zoo crew in Tulsa, and they're like, okay, hold. Before you get on, it's going to be mongo, bebop, and there's a robot, and you'll hear a parakeet. I'm like, sorry, what? They're like, you're on. I'm like, hey, beep, boop, boop.

[John Holmberg]

Well, we didn't have the parakeet today. He's not feeling well, but otherwise. Thanks.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You guys are funny, and I appreciate the service you're doing.

[John Holmberg]

Always, always be nice to be nice to caliento. And thanks for taking the time this morning. We'll see you first. Friday.

[Ryan Reynolds]

100%. Guys, I'm trying to catch up to Emma's phone. I'm working on it.

[John Holmberg]

You'll get there. Thanks, David. We'll talk.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I'll get there.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Bye, guys.

[John Holmberg]

Man. There you go. David Spade, everybody, at Celebrity Theater Friday night. Our own local. Local talent. That's what that's called. Local talent Friday at Celebrity Theater. If you're in Tucson, he's doing a Spanish speaking show at the Ronstadt. Ronstadt Music hall on Thursday nights. So that'd be fun as well. If you want to go down to the dirt bags and see David Spade, it's David Spade. It's 98, Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.

[Dick Toledo]

You thought that was funny.

[John Holmberg]

You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? That was cool. David Spade on with us this morning, and he's going to be here Friday. People asking me online, like, how much are the tickets? They're about. I think they're 89 something or not 90.89.90 or 89.40 something.

[Dick Toledo]

I saw 72 in Tucson and 90 here. 72 by the time you check out.

[John Holmberg]

Well, because it's American money. Right? Okay. Just making sure. Yeah, Spades up here. Yeah, it's good. It's great to see at the Celebrity Theater, too. So go see David Spade. That's a beautiful thing. I am. I also got an email from somebody earlier about Toledo getting mad at Trump. So immediately, because, you know, it came out quick, we all noticed that it was a very fat. It was reactionary tds. We think you may have it. We think you may have some Trump derangement. I think, look, I think it's funny because I don't like either side, but, man, I'm watching one side throw a huge baby fit. And the other side, if you can't beat Republicans, you're terrible. Because they're a mess right now.

[Dick Toledo]

Absolutely.

[John Holmberg]

And the Democrats are doing. They're making me like them. But this guy says after hearing Toledo's quick response to all of your Trump talk, I'm going to buy two Trump phones in honor of Toledo and his wife. Toledo, congratulate yourself. Your family just made more. His family just made more money. You just made Trump two more. Two more phone sales because of your tds. We can't. He did jump on that kind of quick. And all I said was he. Is he allowed to sell phones? No. What's it. What's the clause called?

[Dick Toledo]

The emoluments.

[John Holmberg]

The emoluments clause. I bet you there's posters at your house with, like, lines. We will not emoluments here. There will be no emolumating in the Toledo household. I Know what I'm getting you for your birthday though? Coming up here in July just to see if you are allowed in the. The house.

[Dick Toledo]

A phone.

[John Holmberg]

You're getting a Trump. Awesome. You're getting.

[Brett Fesley]

That's the company phone.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I think. Yeah. The new company phone is. And it's going to say 47 on the back of it. It's going to be all decked out. I'm going to get the family plan. So your whole. Everybody's got to use it. Would Lisa use a Trump phone if it was free?

[Dick Toledo]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Really?

[Dick Toledo]

Absolutely.

[John Holmberg]

She wouldn't. Even if I. If free Trump phone. Not using it. There's no way you've all got tds.

[Dick Toledo]

I didn't say I would use it.

[John Holmberg]

You wouldn't be allowed to use it. You'd have to hide that again. I've mentioned Walter White. You're gonna have to hide that up in the. The ceiling tiles. Anyway. It's very funny to me to watch people lose their minds over this. And then of course, now you're going to get it. It's all that low tea. Those commercials for low tea. Yeah, that's actually funny. Well, Rachel Matto sucks the tea right out of a fell. Not the old fashioned way either. Anyway. Hi, Larry. You just kind of scared me. Larry scared me. I just read this just seconds ago. The guy who survived the Indian era, that, that, that may actually believe there is some sort of higher power. I'm gonna lean towards polytheism now. I'm. I'm leaving your people brave.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Because dude pops out of that plane, a Dreamliner, smashes into a building and guy walks away. Away. So like Ganesh is in the lead. To me, if there is a God, it's Ganesh, because Holy mother. But it does prove my point about humanity. Because within a week of this terrible tragedy, two airlines are now offering seat 11A for a little bit more like they're. It's not always 11. Yep.

[Dick Toledo]

Spirit and who else?

[John Holmberg]

Well, I'm not going to say who because it's. I don't know that it's confirmed, but I just looked and they're. And the, and the CEOs are saying, oh, those seats are very important. Here's the thing that nobody's talking about with seat 11A and the Survivor. When they, when you sit in the emergency aisle of a plane, that lady comes by and says, are you willing and able to assist in case of an emergency? I need a verbal yes. And of course, everybody.

[Brett Fesley]

Yeah, I got leg room.

[Brady Bogan]

It's only on a Specific plane because the long day.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I know. I'm just saying that's what you know what I'm saying. So you neck f the stewardess when she comes by says and proven in this Indian Air flight was there is no assisting or helping at all. You crack that door open and you get the off the plane. And that's what he did. There was nobody like, let me help, let me help. Dude's a sole survivor. Cuz he was sitting on the door. That's it. That door cracked open the second he realized there was trouble and he rolled out of the plane. He didn't help a soul.

[Dick Toledo]

So he was burning on one side.

[John Holmberg]

But you know what I'm saying.

[Dick Toledo]

No, no, I know. Absolutely.

[John Holmberg]

He didn't even look over his shoulder. That door opened and that's what everyone would do. So every emergency. So why not make every aisle have its own door? Ooh. That way we can all leap out.

[Dick Toledo]

Doesn't Boeing have enough problems right now?

[John Holmberg]

They do have door issues, yes, but I'm all right every other. Then let's. Let's. I'll pay a little extra if we can all get the 11A treatment. There's only two doors on the whole thing, for crying out loud. On the big boy. The dude didn't do any assisting. And let's be honest with ourselves. Whenever you've sat in that seat, you never thought, I'll help people out.

[Brett Fesley]

No, I'll open the door and jump out. I don't want to be in the way of everybody else. So no problem, buddies.

[John Holmberg]

It's not like somebody was decapitated. Billy wasn't in the emergency aisle. He had to step over folks to get to it. So he was helping pick people up and get them out of the plane while he was trying to escape too. But yes, he did help. And once he was on the ground, he started assisting. But he got off the plane. Nobody on that emergency aisle is going to stop and think of anyone else. It's Even if it's nope, you're out. And the only assisting you're going to do is opening that door. I've done all I can do here. I'm getting out of this plane.

[Brady Bogan]

But now the most effective way, most efficient too.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, get the hell out of there. But they don't care.

[Brett Fesley]

Making way for that.

[John Holmberg]

They're not. Look, read the pamphlet. Nobody's ever done that either. You're supposed to stand next to the door and escort folks. I watch a lot of air disasters. The job of the. That's what the stewardesses are trained to do. They're not jumping off.

[Dick Toledo]

What was it, that Toronto plane or whatever, where it was upside down and the stewardess is trying to help people out. She wanted to get off the plane.

[John Holmberg]

Of course she did. But somehow or another in her brain, she kept thinking, well, I'm gonna lose my job.

[Brett Fesley]

I'll find a new one.

[John Holmberg]

Just pump. I'll go. I'll go work puddle jumpers for a little while until I earn this back. So let's just stop with the pomp and circumstance of the whole. Will you be willing to help and assist? Can you open the door? I need a verbal. Yes. Yep. Are you going to help and assist? Probably not, sister. I'm. I'm probably. If. Does that thing inflate itself? I'm not blowing up anything either. I'm jumping off the plane. I. And if anything has taught us anything. Yeah, if anything's taught us anything. Anything. 11A taught us get off first. The best chance of survival is not hanging around. Leap. Leap to your doom.

[Brady Bogan]

Because they made it sound like he got ejected out of there.

[John Holmberg]

No, like the place.

[Dick Toledo]

No, he was on it when it landed, and then he got the F out.

[John Holmberg]

And there's a pilot that came on and he made a joke because he said, look, pilots usually get to the crash first, so they don't have much of a chance. We don't put doors in there. And he said, but everybody that's clamoring to get 11A on planes. What? Brady said, it's not always 11A that's in the emergency aisle. And he goes and said, second, the plane has to hit at a certain angle. It has to be tilted up, down, sideways, whatever tail has to be left in a building to make one seat more viable than another. And he goes. It's the luckiest thing that's ever happened in air travel. Ever.

[Dick Toledo]

Your buddy wasn't on the cornfield crash, right?

[John Holmberg]

No, Billy was on next to the.

[Brady Bogan]

Pilot, hanging out of the airplane.

[John Holmberg]

That's amazing. That's happened multiple times. The British Airways flight is a terrifying one. The one that flew over China, the Chinese guy that was over the cold, cold mountains and six feet below, and half of them was stuck to the top of the plane because they couldn't reduce speeds, you know, like 400 miles an hour outside over some Mongolian mountain range. We gotta come back now. But if you are on Indian Air and you hear, no, no, no, no, no. That guy's getting out. He's not helping. You follow him. The door opens, don't look and go well, no, there's no time for. For chivalry or anything else. So airlines. You can stop now with the whole willing to assist. Brett and I have only honest ones in the room.

[Brett Fesley]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

I'm stomping over grandparents, children, puppies. Yeah.

[Brett Fesley]

I'll open the door so I can get out.

[Brady Bogan]

But I've always.

[Brett Fesley]

That's what I'm doing.

[Brady Bogan]

I mean, that's the first thing you think about when you. You're sitting in that room. Like, you open the door, how can I get out of the way?

[Dick Toledo]

Everywhere, and it's burning.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

I'm not thinking.

[John Holmberg]

Let me tell you this. You're a liar. The first thing you think of in that seat is, look at the leg room. I've got socket. You're not thinking of anything but yourself.

[Brady Bogan]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

The reason you want the emergency lane is so your own comfort is first, you're. You're more comfortable. You're not doing that to be a hero. You're doing it for more legroom, and you don't even need more leg room. Yeah, you're short, but you still would take that aisle because now you can practically lay down. You're not giving up that. That's all for you. So nobody's thinking about anyone else's sick safety until that lady comes by and says, are you willing to assist?

[Brett Fesley]

Sure.

[John Holmberg]

You got it? Are you?

[Brett Fesley]

You got it, toots.

[John Holmberg]

I have to. I'll lose my job. I'll be outside if anybody needs me. If there's assistance necessary, I'll be at the bottom of that slide like a third base coach. Come on, let's do this. Let's go, boy. Down, down, down. Home. Bring her on home.

[Brady Bogan]

Hustle, hustle.

[John Holmberg]

Hurry up.

[Brady Bogan]

That fire ain't getting any smaller.

[John Holmberg]

But you're going to see me outside the plane. I'll do all the assisting from the ground team. I'm. In fact, I'm going to tell the flight attendant next time. I'm the leader of the ground team. These two here, aisle and and center, they're in charge of helping people on the plane. I'm in charge of being down there, making sure that the bottom of that inflatable is. Is secure. I don't want this to go up like a bounce house. 11a. Not a hero. What if. What if he. You found out that he could have taken, like, the person next to him? Like, he's gonna slip up in his story. The lady next to me was very, very scared, and I just jumped out. Like, you could have saved her. Well, maybe I don't know I did. It was so quick. No, no, no, no. She was already dead. I. I assumed she was scared from all of the. Anyway, I had to get off the plane.

[Brady Bogan]

Let's go over B and C again.

[John Holmberg]

What was the thing you said about the lady next to you begging Unknown. Begging for more peanuts? Right before we hit the building. She was very hungry. She was hoping that there was more drinks. But I got out 11A. Yeah. This one says usually 11A is not a window. Is it ABC? It goes window, middle aisle.

[Brady Bogan]

Usually it's like 15 or.

[John Holmberg]

And then def. I don't know what it is, but I'm saying the ABC and def. But this is a dreamliner. This has like 45 seats across it. Yeah, huge. Who knows? But nobody's going to help you. So. Yeah, my buddy Billy was on the plane in Detroit and had another plane land on top of his plane and cut it in half. And he was asleep on the Runway. And when it cut it in half, he woke up and then he stomped over bodies and the things he saw was just horrible. But then he said, I jumped down the slide and then I got to helping people.

[Dick Toledo]

So listener just sent this to us two times. The seat, the 11A has survivors. The 1998 Thai Airways Airbus A310 in December.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. 11A leapt out.

[Dick Toledo]

11A leapt out as well.

[John Holmberg]

And. And. And if I'm an airline, I'm charging extra for 11 a while. While the.

[Brett Fesley]

If these morons are going to pay for it. Yeah, I'm in.

[John Holmberg]

I'm paying for it. If the 11A is available. And it's miracle seat. And it looks like, first of all.

[Brett Fesley]

I'm not going to Thailand or India, so, I mean, regardless of.

[John Holmberg]

But if that's the case, Indian Air should dress up 11 a like a new York cabbie's driver's seat. It's got all the, you know, the little bees and everything. The, you know, the Ganesh and the elephant. And like you dress it up like.

[Brett Fesley]

Brown air freshener right there.

[John Holmberg]

It's a religious monument, but, yeah, I love that nobody's talking about the fact that he didn't even look over his shoulder to see if he could help anybody. That door came off and he got out.

[Brady Bogan]

She was in the bathroom.

[John Holmberg]

Would they believe that she would do. And she broke all the rules. Her tray table was down. It was not going to help her. I said, no, no. Yeah. I love this story. And dude walked away.

[Dick Toledo]

So that's your positioning right there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. 11A right on the window. So long, suckers. That'd be me. Yeah, that would be me too.

[Dick Toledo]

Just forward of the wings, apparently.

[John Holmberg]

And right before that inferno. You hear this is fun. Nobody else thought of it. It's not my problem. Open the door and get out. It seems simple. Anyway. So start looking for 11A. And again, like Brady said, first thing you think about is how to help. I got all the leg room I'm gonna need. Sleep like a baby. Nobody thinks about helping. I'd crack you right in the face if you were the center guy and I was.

[Brady Bogan]

The only thing that they do to, you know, on the. The convenience of the leg room is that the chair usually does not recline on the window seats.

[John Holmberg]

Huh?

[Brady Bogan]

On the emergency door.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, it does.

[Brett Fesley]

No, the one in front of it doesn't.

[Brady Bogan]

No, it's one in the. On the door. That one does not require decline.

[John Holmberg]

Depends on what part of the plane. Because that's what I get every time. Boy, that sucker goes back. I can lay down. I'm six feet tall and I got that beauty. It depends on where you're at too. If you got the ones that flip or if they're. They're.

[Dick Toledo]

Depends on the aircraft in the specific seat location. But exit row seats do recline.

[John Holmberg]

And actually the. The one that I've seen is there's only two. And they don't even have a window like the new ones that I've been on. They have two seats and then there's an opening where the door cracks back.

[Dick Toledo]

So this says the seats in front of the.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they're not supposed to go back.

[Dick Toledo]

Do not recline.

[John Holmberg]

Because that's either way. It's all about you. That's all I'm saying. So congratulations, 11A. And if you're dumb enough to buy I've spent extra money on an 11A ticket. What kind of negative Nancy are you?

[Brett Fesley]

Dumb enough to fly Air India.

[John Holmberg]

What are you doing in India in the first place?

[Dick Toledo]

What about Southwest? You gotta fight for that seat because you can't buy it.

[John Holmberg]

This guy.

[Brett Fesley]

There we go.

[John Holmberg]

Rather be on There we go.

[Brett Fesley]

I knew.

[John Holmberg]

Why am I on South Southwest? What's wrong with him? Have I lost a bet? Am I flying to Rockford? Money bags. Yeah, money, duh. The reason I work hard to not fly with you. You stockpile cash to get away from that stuff. It's a very viable airline for you. I'll be busy elsewhere. We got ourselves the hot releases coming up in just a little bit. 98, Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.

[Dick Toledo]

You thought that was funny?

[John Holmberg]

You were laughing like A hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you, Holy Diver.

[Brett Fesley]

Thanks, John Gordon.

[John Holmberg]

Passenger alone 11A. That's what we call him. The Holy guy. Think about that. Somebody just emailed me and said this is my favorite new conspiracy theory. Now again, for those of you who don't have senses of humor anymore or can't differentiate, but they're killing Toledo on my emails and it's awesome. Oh, I'm getting. Oh, they're saying you can't raise a kid. Like, I don't know why us teasing you about TDS makes you know your. Your parenting is now in question. All over my. It's very funny because that's just as deranged the other way. Jesus. You're complaining that he's got the TDS and you're losing your mind. Somebody then. My favorite conspiracy theory I've ever heard is that passenger 11A on Indian Air planted a bomb on the plane, lit it and got out. And I'm like, man, that is a bad plan.

[Brett Fesley]

Guys got timing.

[Dick Toledo]

How does that explain where the plane was going? Oh, no, no, no, no, it couldn't.

[John Holmberg]

It's a heavy bomb. Toledo.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, that's.

[John Holmberg]

But can you imagine sitting in the meeting room? Okay, here is the plan, and there is no deviation. You will bring a bomb onto the plane, light the fuse and jump out of the plane. No, no, no, no, no, no. Do it. Moving. Is the plane still moving? Yes, right after takeoff. No, no, no, no, no, no. We need a better plan. This is not possible. It is the only way. Don't you think that we could just blow it up without me on the plane? No. You're the catalyst to making sure the plane explodes before it hits the building.

[Brady Bogan]

We have enough charge. Jump off, get out at 11a.

[John Holmberg]

You can do it. If you. If you can book 11A, you got to pay an extra 45 rupees. Who's in?

[Dick Toledo]

Someone else got 11A.

[John Holmberg]

Show of hands, Ganesh. 8 you1, you1 and 1 against. No good.

[Dick Toledo]

I'm always against.

[John Holmberg]

Ganeesh Gaymore is the one who votes against me jumping out of a moving aircraft. I do not think this is a great thought out plan. It is done. You will leap from the plane. And he made it.

[Brett Fesley]

Call Kevin from Discover Card. Have him take 11A.

[John Holmberg]

I'm out. I don't need to do it. I will just stay over here at Capital One and make phone calls. That is not a conspiracy theory. I think that holds that his plan was to leap out of the plane and he made it you guys, I am shocked. I apologize for putting up such a. A fight. It worked. You were right. Jumping out was a good idea. That's crazy. I love it, though.

[Brady Bogan]

And going through tsa, it's just a Roman candle.

[John Holmberg]

Don't worry about it. It's. Well, it's India. Tsa. Next. Go. Next. Go. Is that your goat? Yes. And he is not filled with expense explosive. Go.

[Dick Toledo]

Be gone.

[John Holmberg]

You go ahead. Keep moving. Goat. Chicken. Chicken. Goat. One night boy with machete. Two one night boys with machetes.

[Dick Toledo]

Never did see the animal casualties on that. On that.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, it smelled like roasted goat. When that thing hit the building, they were flying all over the place. Any goats survived the crash? It was a dreamliner.

[Dick Toledo]

Going to London. London. Except goats.

[John Holmberg]

I think. You leave your goats? Yeah, it's a drop off. Very rarely is it back and forth with the goats. It's time for the hot releases. They're brought to you by our [e-mail]. save time, save thousands. Buy online apps. It's the other way. Save thousands, save time. Buy online new ac unit.com. air conditioning units all over the place right now are conking out already. I saw a truck in front of somebody's house the other day. Day. I saw a crane popping one on a roof the other day. I'm like, I've been telling you guys this for months. And now that it's 120 outside, the thing conked out. It's overworking. If you've got an old air conditioning unit, no better place to do it than new. Acunit.com you will save thousands. That's a guarantee. Save thousands, save time. Buy online. New ac unit.com brings you these hot releases.

[Dick Toledo]

So I'm not from here. Are all those houses like the old neighborhoods on that have units on the roof? Are those ACs or are those swamp coolers?

[John Holmberg]

ACs. ACs. We don't have a lot of swamp coolers. It's not humid enough. You got to get down to some serious. You got them, but better have an AC unit too, or you're going to be sitting in swamp.

[Dick Toledo]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

Call it that for a reason. It is. How about you first Toledo. You go.

[Dick Toledo]

All right. Really? The only game I've got out today, it's on all platforms including the new Nintendo Switch 2 is Tron Catalyst. Next Tron game is out.

[John Holmberg]

I think you know more than you're saying, man. Tron looks lucky for you you survived the explosion. If you de res me, I'll just go again.

[Dick Toledo]

And they expanded the Universe A little bit in Tron Me.

[Brady Bogan]

That looks incredible.

[John Holmberg]

Except for the cartoony characters. I'm not a fan of that. Graphics are characters.

[Dick Toledo]

Why they started doing that because the popularity of like Fortnite and all that, where they didn't spend a lot of time on the characters. And it makes the games faster because it doesn't have to render all the features on the. On the humans.

[John Holmberg]

All right, that's kind of cool.

[Dick Toledo]

At least that's a theory.

[John Holmberg]

It's a working thing.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

On Apple tv. Plus is the second season of Buccaneers. This is a Bridgerton type series on Apple tv. Plus.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I've been this for life.

[John Holmberg]

Are they actual? Everything I do is now irrelevant.

[Dick Toledo]

The next chapter of the young American Buccaneers. Sisterhood, romance, wit, steamy love affairs, extravagant gowns, spectacular landscapes, 40 year old girl porn.

[John Holmberg]

40 year old girl porn.

[Dick Toledo]

Yep, exactly. So season two, I believe, gets underway tonight, I think, on Prime Video.

[John Holmberg]

Wait, there was a first season of the Buccaneers?

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You missed it.

[Dick Toledo]

Come on. How are you gonna catch up? You can binge.

[John Holmberg]

This is the new Cinemax.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Chicks love this stuff. Bridgerton's dirty. Yep. And so was that, it looks like. Because if the preview showed three, like neck kissing scenes. Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

On Prime Video is. We Were Liars is a new series. Where's my. The adaptation of E. Lockhart's 2014 novel follows the extended Sinclair family, a wealthy clan who owns an island. Martha's Vineyard. Following a tragic accident when she was 15 that left her unable to remember what happened. The eldest granddaughter, Cadence, revisits the island on her 17th birthday where she and her friends, who are dubbed the Liars, recall what happened. And guess what? It wasn't good.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, we were happy. We wanted for nothing. So wait, somebody got amnesia and then these. These guys make up a story.

[Dick Toledo]

Horrible accident.

[John Holmberg]

And I have no memory of what or who hurt me. So it's like some terrible story about a girl who was.

[Dick Toledo]

By the way, if she was 15 when that happened, don't show her naked on the beach.

[John Holmberg]

And here's the other thing. If she's 15 when it happened, why did you take her back at 17?

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, that's a little too soon.

[John Holmberg]

It's a little too soon. Like it took me about three years to take my ex wife back to where the Trade center was.

[Dick Toledo]

Wait a minute. You did that?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I. She wanted to.

[Dick Toledo]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

I told her it was a bad idea. And guess what it was. When we stood there in the. There was still a lot of rubble and a lot of fencing and then some ribbons. And I looked over at her and she was a puddle. Like, this was a terrible idea. She thought she was ready. I don't think you're ever really ready to go back to that.

[Brady Bogan]

You're like, get over it.

[John Holmberg]

I watched a special on the great stealer Rocky Blyer, and he went back to the Rice Patty that he got blowed up at in Vietnam, blew his leg up, and he had to fight, fight, fight. And he lost a couple of buddies. It was like probably 30 years after, maybe even more. And he's standing in that field and he just starts going like, that's Rocky Blair, for Christ's sake. Didn't.

[Dick Toledo]

Didn't elicit tears. But last time when we came. First time when we came back from Thailand and I saw my family, my Uncle Irving, who is a Vietnam war vet, got a purple Heart and told him, thailand, he goes to Thailand, huh? And he just kind of went blank. And I'm like, yeah, it was great. And he looks at me and I'm like, did. Were you in Thailand? I didn't think Thailand was part of the war.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that was where he got the lady boy thing.

[Dick Toledo]

Right, Right.

[John Holmberg]

He just missed her.

[Dick Toledo]

But he. He didn't want to talk about it. He didn't want to talk about that whole area. And then when we went back to Cambodia the second time, you really didn't want to talk about that.

[John Holmberg]

I get emotional when I drive through Missouri and 20th street because I got smashed in a car there once.

[Dick Toledo]

Get a little shudder every time I.

[John Holmberg]

Go back where somebody raped you. Two years later for vacation on Netflix is the Waterfront.

[Dick Toledo]

And it is here to fill the TV drama about a family fighting for control of their empire void that you've been looking for. Written by screenwriter Kevin Williamson, new series follows the Buckley family who have spent years dominating their North Carolina town's fishing and restaurant industries. Their territory is threatened as the Buckley patriarch Harlan recovers from a series of heart attacks, forcing his wife and son to go to dangerous links to keep their family.

[John Holmberg]

That's too much. It's. It's.

[Brett Fesley]

Creators of Dawson.

[John Holmberg]

Dawson's Creek. And. And what's the HBO one where the. The Try to pass it. What was it, Brian? God damn it. Succession. Yeah, it's Dawson's Creek Succession.

[Dick Toledo]

This one debuted on Sunday actually on Hulu and Disney. It's the underdogs from Nat Geo, narrated by National Geographic has gone to the.

[John Holmberg]

End of the earth. Ryan Reynolds bring you the most stunning footage of nature ever. But I just can't stop loving these. Enough with the top of the food chain. Always going to make fun of the animals.

[Ryan Reynolds]

To shift our focus to the bottom.

[John Holmberg]

Slugs and stuff. Homburg's morning sickness.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I've teamed up with Nat Geo to.

[John Holmberg]

Fast forward right past nature's glory hogs and get down in the mud.

[Ryan Reynolds]

With nature's bench warmers.

[John Holmberg]

Not the superheroes, the super zeros. The gunky, gross animals up close and personal. Yeah, it's review's perfect. It didn't even give it a chance. Brett. I think we should watch slugs spit at the camera. That's be fun.

[Dick Toledo]

On Shudder Network, which I hadn't even heard of. An AMC plus is a Hell Motel. It's a new series.

[John Holmberg]

Like A Room for the Night. A honeymoon suite.

[Dick Toledo]

Sees A group of 10 true crime obsessives invited to the opening weekend of a newly renovated Cold River Motel, the site of a 30 year old unsolved satanic ritual.

[John Holmberg]

And then they start killing them. That's predictable. Predictable? Yeah. All right then.

[Brett Fesley]

We already have Psycho.

[Dick Toledo]

This one's for Brady. We've been. Apparently we're on season five and I had no idea about it. The Chosen Last Supper. Season 5. How many do you need out of the Last Supper? Oh, what the f. The Chosen Last Supper, Season five.

[John Holmberg]

You've watched this?

[Brady Bogan]

No, I don't believe Jesus is most likely. It's already four seasons already.

[John Holmberg]

Why?

[Dick Toledo]

What?

[John Holmberg]

Why do you believe that? I've seen too much. Then why are you doing this? I suppose I have not seen enough. All right, there's a book. Read the book.

[Dick Toledo]

And then two mo. Two big movies out this weekend in theaters 28 years later. Which is the zombie movie.

[John Holmberg]

When that first came out, that was my favorite zombie movie. Because the zombies ran at top speed. Speed.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, my God.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. That was horrifying. 28 days later when they came around the corner and they were super speed running. Fillion Murphy's in that, isn't he?

[Brady Bogan]

Or is it the original?

[John Holmberg]

I thought he was the original.

[Dick Toledo]

40 years old, 28 days later.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's. It was like 1999 or 2001. That old. But man, oh man, when they came blazing around the corners. It's a Danny Boyle movie. There was so many dead and their top speed. Zombies, which changed the game of zombies. Zombie movies.

[Dick Toledo]

So that's the next one there. And then Pixar's movie Elio is out about a kid who makes contact with aliens.

[John Holmberg]

Cool.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Come and get me. You okay? I'm trying to get abducted by aliens. Helios. Oh, God. That took a Spin.

[Dick Toledo]

Just so we're clear.

[Brady Bogan]

By aliens, right?

[John Holmberg]

The kids are, like, awesome. I've been. My uncle's. He's right around the corner if you need. Can go get them.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, so that's. Those are out on Friday in theaters.

[John Holmberg]

Elio. All right, Brett, what do you got?

[Brett Fesley]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

Trying to get abducted. What if it just stopped there? Yeah, and that, Elliot, was about a kid who was trying to get captured and taken to a Redskins game with Craig Shoemaker.

[Brady Bogan]

Some dude in a white van shows up with an alien helmet on.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you want to get him a spaceship? Young man. Beep up. Boop.

[Brett Fesley]

Here's new music from Cryptopsy. Malicious Needs, Season of Mist. Just skipping.

[John Holmberg]

Jeez, they made a whole movie.

[Brady Bogan]

Finally.

[John Holmberg]

Yep, pretty close. David Spade's mom was right. We are trying to make you, Satan, paint the light.

[Brett Fesley]

How about we'll get happy with Save Ferris?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, wow.

[Brett Fesley]

Get dancing.

[John Holmberg]

That was dripping with irony. Her presentation of Save Ferris. Good, they made a movie.

[Dick Toledo]

Isn't she, like, our age?

[John Holmberg]

The singer? Probably.

[Brett Fesley]

It's gotta be.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, she's been around.

[John Holmberg]

I remember when Save first first came out. I kept looking going, is she hot? Is she hot? And now I know.

[Dick Toledo]

I realize she's a Cindy Clapper knockoff.

[John Holmberg]

Cindy Crawford. Oh, I was gonna say I'm gonna kill you. Hey, if you're 50 and still wearing a shirt that says Ska life passed you by.

[Brady Bogan]

A dude.

[Dick Toledo]

Like a first Friday or something.

[Brett Fesley]

Oh, look at that beak on her, though.

[John Holmberg]

Jesus. Guys are supposed to listen to the song.

[Brett Fesley]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

About her beak.

[Brett Fesley]

Well, they should put a video out then.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's true. You know, I didn't think there was anything worse than white reggae, but now I know white women were aay as my least favorite thing.

[Brett Fesley]

All right, that's enough. I can't do that.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Brett Fesley]

New music from Biohazard. It's been like 20 years since they've put anything new out. This is forsaken.

[John Holmberg]

Whoa. F word. I didn't hear it. It's just babble to me. Did sound like that Biohazard he's been to. Start cursing. That guy's angry. So, new Biohazard.

[Brett Fesley]

There you go, Johnny.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Fesley]

New Faster Cat. Yes, this is Motorbike.

[Dick Toledo]

What the OG Like Timey and everybody.

[Brett Fesley]

That I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

This is new Faster Cat. They were just here a couple weeks ago.

[Brett Fesley]

It was put out four weeks ago.

[John Holmberg]

New Faster Cat. I never thought this day would come. Oh, wait till Tammy down starts singing. Oh, my God, there are so many girls with, like, body glove shorts that they shouldn't be wearing. About ready to plop them back on Dressed like down town Julie Brown and wander around for a little bit Faster, cats. New stuff.

[Brett Fesley]

This is the one I've been waiting for. New music from the Hives. This is Paint a Picture.

[John Holmberg]

Love the Hives. And.

[Dick Toledo]

He'S your countrymen. Is that the stress?

[John Holmberg]

They're sweet. Another cuss word. Will these people write a song the kids can listen?

[Brett Fesley]

Well, maybe this one will work for you. How about Tess Tickles? This is Finish in My Mouth.

[John Holmberg]

What?

[Brady Bogan]

What?

[Brett Fesley]

Yeah, this is one of those hit.

[John Holmberg]

Songs of the seventies that turned me into Robin Williams. Okay. It's called. Wait, this is songs of the 70s? Yeah. So it's like ye make demands and I'm not one to question why so I will leave it in your hands and you know I'll give anything a try this is AI, right? Yeah. There is one thing that I care about it's the one thing that I can't live without. Oh, right. Oh, please finish in my Mouth. One last word from your trouser trout. No poetry's been written like that since my notebook of vagina poems. The AI. How do you find that?

[Brett Fesley]

It's just Test Tickles. Please finish in my mouth. It'll come up.

[John Holmberg]

It'll come up. Test Tickles.

[Brett Fesley]

Yeah. And that's just a superstar. Let's just jump to N word or F Word.

[John Holmberg]

There's nothing better than those AI soul songs that I was listening to back in, like, October. I couldn't stop. Oh, they're so funny. I'm. I'm up to my again, and it's just a dude who's like, we both knew this was gonna happen. He got caught again.

[Dick Toledo]

Called in sick.

[John Holmberg]

I called in sick of yours. And they're old 70s soul songs. Test Tickles is a new addition to this. And Finishing My Mouth is a classic. All right.

[Brett Fesley]

And that brings us to N Word or F word, the game that is sweeping the nation. And today is Ice Cube. You know how we do it?

[John Holmberg]

I think I got last week. Oh, Brady did it. That's right. You were running. That's right.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm going with Mother Effer.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. It's N word straight across, about as just flat on a counter as you can get. Boom. N word.

[Dick Toledo]

Like heavy.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. That's going to be mean or whatever. It's just going to be there. It's going to linger in the air.

[Dick Toledo]

What does that leave me?

[John Holmberg]

Nothing.

[Dick Toledo]

Right? All right, so here we go. If you. If you guys don't get it? Then I win.

[John Holmberg]

Right, here we go. Faux hopping ass, dropping the bill. My troop can heal, fool. I got skills. So back on up or check that saying down as and I'm default Toledo wins with just a basic F word. Come on, Cube. What do I turn to you for if it's not for the thing I said? Well, there you go. Test Tickles is this week's winner. The AI song Finishing my Mouth. There's one that this guy just sent me. It's an AI song. It's his favorite. It's from a band called called Pump and it's called Don't Test Me.

[Brett Fesley]

I got that one too. Someone sent that to me as well.

[John Holmberg]

From 1964.

[Brett Fesley]

This is it.

[Dick Toledo]

You don't have time.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, we do.

[Dick Toledo]

All you do is talk, talk, talk.

[John Holmberg]

But you never listen.

[Brett Fesley]

Strong and my.

[Dick Toledo]

Patience is thin with all your picture.

[John Holmberg]

Get back in the kitchen, damn it. A.I. wins again.

[Dick Toledo]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

I root for A.I. there you go. Those are your hot releases, everybody. Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.

[Dick Toledo]

You thought that was funny?

[John Holmberg]

You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? We're almost done here. Time for the entertainment Troll. It's brought to you by our [e-mail] that is the home of Tactical Black. And if you want to get in there and get to training, right now is the time to do it. You got nothing to do this. You're gonna stand in the heat. You need your summer body. You're not going outside. It's too hot. So go in a nice air conditioned room and start sweating in there. Do it right. Do it safely too. That's the better part. You can learn all this stuff on how to defend yourself and how to be in great shape. It's going to be so much better than going to any gym, that's for sure. Because it's not boring. It's never boring. You're in there doing something new pretty much every time you're there. And you learn how to be a better version of yourself and stop being a sheep. Start being a sheep dog. It's fun for you and the whole family. Just had a guy tell me he wanted his daughter to go because he watched his daughter get knocked down by somebody at school. He's getting bullied a little bit. She's like 18, he said, he told me this a while ago. He said, we're going to look into that. And I'm like, it's the way to do it. There's nothing wrong with that. People. The odd thing is I get all these emails that people are like. They feel like they're. They're being crazy for wanting to learn how to do so. Self defense. I don't want to sound paranoid or crazy. What's crazy about having a fire alarm in your house? Nothing. Probably not going to happen. But what's crazy about it? What's crazy about having a personal fire alarm in case something goes sideways with you that you're a little bit more prepared? You have your own internal mechanism that gets you through something you don't expect. The unprepared are the ones who get taken advantage of. That's the best way to look at it. You've got a plan for a fire. You've got a plan for a flood. You've got insurance for all that. Get a little safety and insurance in your own brain for yourself, for crying out loud. And they can do it for [e-mail] the price is unreal. Two months of training for 199 bucks. You're not beating that anywhere. And you can get to be a better version of you. Just do it. 3 defense.com it's the home of tactical black Brady entertainment.

[Brady Bogan]

F1 superstar Lewis Hamilton was devastated. He was on the 13th lap of the Canadian Grand Prix in Montreal on Sunday. He hit a groundhog.

[John Holmberg]

What's it doing out there?

[Brady Bogan]

Somehow it got out on the track and he hit it.

[John Holmberg]

He's.

[Brady Bogan]

He's devastated after hitting the groundhog during the race.

[John Holmberg]

I thought he was going to say Toledo and his family had marched out there to protest trump in the G7.

[Brady Bogan]

The groundhog did damage the car and their Obama phones.

[John Holmberg]

We're never gonna end it. All the emails are so funny attacking Toledo that I can't help it. The derangements working both ways.

[Brady Bogan]

Here's a rundown of some celebrities with weird pets. Kristen Stewart. She grew up raising wolf hybrids.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. She bought into the dream of the movie a little too much, didn't she?

[Brady Bogan]

Kirsty Alley. Before she died she owned 14 lemurs.

[John Holmberg]

Do we have to include before she she died? Isn't it assumed she owned no lemurs after her death?

[Brady Bogan]

That's a good point.

[John Holmberg]

After she died she picked up three or four lemurs on the way to the morgue.

[Brady Bogan]

Paris Hilton. She had a kinkajou hey, hey, hey, hey. Named Baby love.

[John Holmberg]

That's it. Right?

[Brady Bogan]

2006. She had to get a tetanus shot after it. Bitter.

[John Holmberg]

You're canceled.

[Brady Bogan]

Ice T had a Shark tank in his home home recording studio. It's gone now.

[John Holmberg]

Still has a radio. Yeah. That I would be disappointed if I went to iced Te's house. Come on downstairs, Brett. Let's take a look. Was it ice cube or iced tea?

[Brady Bogan]

Iced tea.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. It was tea. That was me. I got confused for a second. Come downstairs, Brett. I'm going to show you my shark tank. Frank Caliendo bought a house that we filmed a couple of things in there. And it had a basement. And in the basement the whole wall was glass. And I'm like what shark tanks? And it was. Yeah, it was a double shark. 400 gallon humongous tanks for sharks. And I'm like, why aren't you doing this, Tracy Morgan? Michelle wouldn't let him. What?

[Brady Bogan]

It was all marble, the whole bar and everything.

[John Holmberg]

And it was ugly, but mainly ugly but cool sharks in it. If you had a shark and it immediately makes that room cooler. It's amazing.

[Brady Bogan]

Tracy Morgan spent 400 grand on a 2700 gallon tank for his Pacific octopus.

[John Holmberg]

Is that why he's in that documentary? He's in the documentary about octopuses.

[Brady Bogan]

Is he? Yeah, must be. Nicholas Cage owned sharks. An octopus, a five foot monitor lizard, two venomous albino king cobras named Moby and Sheba. And locked behind a bulletproof glass. The snakes were kept in that aquarium. Was he also kept amped anti venom handy?

[John Holmberg]

He was worried about somebody shooting them?

[Brady Bogan]

No, that the snakes would break the glass. I guess because they're striking bullets. You wanted the glass.

[John Holmberg]

The thick enough are snakes faster and stronger Seems excessive.

[Brady Bogan]

But he did say if they bit me, I have 15 minutes to live.

[John Holmberg]

That's why I keep it bullet and don't have them. That's exactly right. Look baby girl, I have snakes in there. And if I tried to shoot them, I couldn't. They're protected behind bulletproof glass.

[Brady Bogan]

For all the assassinations in Vanilla Ice.

[John Holmberg]

Also in the in the tank, Brett. The constitution of the United States of America.

[Brady Bogan]

Vanilla Ice once owned a wallaroo. It's a combo of.

[John Holmberg]

He had to sell that.

[Brady Bogan]

A wallaby and a kangaroo. He didn't have to sell it. He but he did leave it at.

[John Holmberg]

A farm after the bankruptcy in Florida. Now though, he's got money now. Yeah. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

It got too big for his property for a while.

[John Holmberg]

While there he was in trouble.

[Brett Fesley]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

And there was a Pedro Pascal look alike contest held in New York City on Sunday. Hosted by a Mexican restaurant called Sunday Nor North.

[John Holmberg]

Close enough.

[Brady Bogan]

Sundel north. Sorry. The winner 42 year old George Gis, a lighting designer on a com. Comedy central's the Daily Show. You ready for. For this? He won 50 bucks and a year's worth of burritos.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, that's pretty good. Hey, that dude is pretty good. Pretty good likeness. How about that? That's a pretty. Yeah, you're going to win some burritos looking like that.

[Brady Bogan]

Boys at the studio talk to men. You got to go down there.

[John Holmberg]

You're going down there, Pedro Jr. All right. Well, there you go.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Go.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It's the weirdest thing in the world when you're flipping through the Netflix stuff and the documentary about the octopus comes up and they're like the beautiful octopus in the bottom. I got one of those in my house. Like, why is Tracy Morgan in the middle of this and now and not.

[Brady Bogan]

The little one and the Pacific, the.

[John Holmberg]

Huge giant, he stole it from the ocean. I don't understand. If you love them, you would never cage them like that. It's 10, 11. That's that. Larry's coming up next. He's got a shot at your excellent adventure. That's $3,000 in your pocket from our friend Larry. And the Valley Toyota dealers find out how you can win today. Larry will help you out in about 47 minutes and 54 seconds. And you'll know exactly what to do. That's it for us. We're done. You guys have yourselves a fantastic Tuesday. We'll see you tomorrow. Right here in the morning sickness. Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.