06-20-25 - FULL SHOW - FRIDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona

Episode: June 20, 2025
Release Date: June 20, 2025
Host: John Holmberg
Co-Hosts: Brady Bogan, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Station: 98 KUPD | Hubbard Radio

---

1. Introduction and Office Cleanup

[00:00 - 02:34]

John Holmberg opens the show with his signature humor, addressing the listeners and introducing his co-hosts. He quickly dives into current issues at the radio station, highlighting a major cleanliness problem:

• Microwave Mess: Susan from the sales department is furious about the microwave not being cleaned for over a decade. John humorously criticizes his colleagues for their neglect, leading to Susan labeling everyone as "pigs and disgusting human beings."

• Toilet Troubles: John shares his frustration with a malfunctioning toilet in his office that won't flush properly. This leads to a humorous yet critical discussion about workplace hygiene and personal accountability.

Notable Quote:

John Holmberg [02:34]: "It's the same group of people that fought to get the potluck back...their private habits are worse than that."

---

2. The Slump Buster Sales Contest

[02:34 - 05:28]

The conversation shifts to the sales department's latest initiative to combat a summer slump:

• Slump Busters Defined: John and Brady dissect the concept of "slump buster" sales contests, which bizarrely involve encouraging salespeople to "bone fat women" to boost morale and sales figures. The hosts express their disdain and disbelief at the ethical implications of such a contest.

• Misunderstandings and Criticism: The terminology and intent behind "slump busters" are heavily criticized, with John mocking the inappropriate marketing strategies and questioning the leadership's judgment.

Notable Quote:

Brady Bogan [05:28]: "Slump Busters are basically a cluster of 10 people...probably means that percentage carries over."

---

3. Love vs. Hate: A Philosophical Debate

[10:05 - 19:02]

The hosts engage in a deep yet humorous debate about the underlying causes of murders:

• Love as a Catalyst: John argues that love often turns into destructive hate, leading to tragic outcomes like the shooting at Desert Ridge Mall. He reflects on personal anecdotes and media portrayals to support his stance.

• Hate and Anger: Brady counters by emphasizing the role of anger and road rage in violent incidents, creating a balanced discussion on human emotions and their potential for violence.

Notable Quote:

John Holmberg [32:22]: "Love sews hate fast. Love never kills; it's love turned to hate."

---

4. Pop Culture and Media References

[19:07 - 65:32]

Throughout the episode, the hosts pepper their discussions with numerous pop culture references, adding layers of humor and relatability:

• Jack Sparrow and Hospital Visits: John humorously critiques Johnny Depp's portrayal of Jack Sparrow visiting children's hospitals, questioning the appropriateness and effectiveness of such gestures.

• Murder Shows: They discuss how media influences perceptions of love and hate, referencing shows like "Patch Adams" and "House."

• Concert Plans: Conversations about upcoming concerts, including Suicidal Tendencies, add an entertaining twist to the episode.

Notable Quote:

John Holmberg [57:37]: "It's great when you see Robin Williams sitting and just chatting with the kid."

---

5. Guest Interview: Jeff Garland

[87:19 - 157:43]

In a standout segment, Jeff Garland, known for his role in "Curb Your Enthusiasm," joins the show:

• Mutual Respect and Memories: John and Brady reminisce about past interactions with Jeff, highlighting their camaraderie and shared experiences in comedy.

• Performance Insights: Jeff discusses his approach to acting and comedy, emphasizing the importance of believing in the material rather than trying to force humor.

• Behind-the-Scenes Stories: The conversation delves into anecdotes from Garland's career, including interactions with other celebrities and memorable moments on "Curb Your Enthusiasm."

Notable Quote:

Toledo [147:12]: "I'm excited because you shared some perspectives about love and hate that are unique."

---

6. Science and Conspiracy Theories

[65:32 - 105:53]

The hosts touch upon various science news and conspiracy theories, blending factual information with their characteristic humor:

• Plane Crash Survivor Story: They discuss a conspiracy theory about a plane crash survivor, debating the plausibility and inconsistencies in his account.

• Light Through the Human Head: A segment on Scottish scientists developing an algorithm to make fitness trackers more accurate for obese individuals segues into humorous speculations about technological advancements and their quirks.

Notable Quote:

John Holmberg [104:33]: "How can you make light go through Brady's head? Poking a hole through it with a 12 gauge."

---

7. Viewer Interaction and Social Media

[105:53 - 165:53]

The hosts engage with listener emails and social media interactions, addressing concerns and sharing entertaining feedback:

• Recycling Lottery Success: They applaud a recycling initiative that uses a lottery system to encourage participation, drawing parallels with similar concepts worldwide.

• Funny Mishaps: Descriptions of various work accidents and everyday mishaps add a relatable and comedic element to the episode.

Notable Quote:

Brady Bogan [97:53]: "Norway's recycling rate is close to 100% thanks to their lottery-based system."

---

8. Closing Remarks and Promotions

[165:54 - End]

As the show wraps up, the hosts continue their playful banter while promoting upcoming events and special offers:

• Concert Announcements: Information about Suicidal Tendencies' concert at the Marquee Theater, including humorous descriptions and personal excitement from the hosts.

• Product Promotions: Brief segments promoting products like tactical self-defense gear and all-pro shades, seamlessly integrated into the conversation.

Notable Quote:

John Holmberg [160:46]: "Professors and production teams, you're all our heroes. Keep rockin'!"

---

Conclusion

This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness offers a blend of workplace humor, critical commentary on questionable business practices, deep dives into human emotions, engaging pop culture discussions, and entertaining guest interactions. John Holmberg and his team maintain a lively and humorous atmosphere, making complex and varied topics accessible and enjoyable for listeners. Whether you're a regular or new to the show, this episode provides ample laughs, thoughtful debates, and memorable moments.

---

Tune In:
Frequency: 97.9 FM
App: 98KUPD app
Website: www.98kupd.com
Broadcast Time: Weekdays 5:30 AM - 10:00 AM

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. You thought that was funny? You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? Good morning, everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Friday. It's 5:45. My name's John. There's Brady, there's Brett. He's already said something horrible. And there's it. Get your checkbook. I'm telling you right now. You be careful. Get your checkbook. And there's Toledo. It's the morning sickness. And just a little house cleaning here at the state. We have some trouble here at the radio station right now. Some big trouble. The. The emails are flying and I just got it. I just looked and saw it. So Brady told me about this. Evidently we have a room of adults now, the same way Susan are. The queen of sales department was looking around sales yesterday, flying around sales, seeing what was going on. And she went into the kitchen and saw that the microwave had not been cleaned since, I don't know, a decade and a half. Evidently I don't use the microwave here at work and anything else. But evidently it is time for Susan to break out the big guns in the email and call everybody pigs and disgusting human beings. We work with disgusting human beings. And shut the goddamn door. And all this stuff's going on. If you cook something in there, clean it up afterwards and. But she's not wrong. It's the Kaiser or Susie. I said Susie. Yeah, well, Susan was also. Yeah, you know, she jumped in on that. She's prominent on this. Yeah, she was. She was bouncing in on that. Yeah, she got in on that too. That's the one I just read. You're right. Susie downstairs is the one who fires off the initial one. Also, my toilet in my bathroom in my office has not been flushing for the last week or two, maybe longer. And since I'm in a pee only guy, it doesn't matter because it just keeps running. So you pee and it just slowly cleans the. You know, it's, it's. It's always sort of slow flushing. So you go back in there, about 30 minutes later, it's all clean water. Unless someone puts something in there, nothing. Chunky's going down. So I went in there about a week ago and I noticed that someone at nighttime had dropped a couple bombs in there and realized, oh, this toilet doesn't flush. And they left it to.

[Brady Bogan]

It just swells.

[John Holmberg]

Soak, swell. And yeah, Brady, I Didn't know that. I didn't know you knew that.

[Brady Bogan]

No, the toilet paper. That's what causes the.

[John Holmberg]

Not the toilet paper, the poop. It's not.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't.

[John Holmberg]

It's not a clogged.

[Brady Bogan]

Sometimes if they overuse the toilet.

[John Holmberg]

It's not a clogged toilet. It's a. The flusher button doesn't work. It's just not. It's just not clicking. You can't flush the toilet. It's not clogged at all. But it just won't. You know, you don't have the sensors like they do here. Yes. Oh, okay. And that's. That doesn't work. There's no, like, connection to that. So that happened. You got that dirt mess going on, and all I can think of is, this is the same group of people that fought to get the potluck back. This is. Why would we want these people who do this in public to take their. Their private habits are worse than that. If these are. They're eating, like, raw chicken right out of the microwave, plopping it down on the spinner, put no care for anybody else's. Anything leaving the cheese. Melted popcorn stuck to the cheese from the last guy's meal. Fish eggs.

[Brady Bogan]

You're popping your thing in there. You. Food stalactites. They don't care.

[John Holmberg]

Looks like the Karsner caverns down there. They don't care. And then some. Then. Then we're like, why don't we have a potluck? I'm like. And I've got to fight it again. I heard someone talking about it the other day. I'm like, no, first off, they're not legal anymore. I think. I think it's a federal offense to have potlucks at work because you pigs can't even work the microwave here without destroying it. What makes me think you're cleaning up at home? You're not. You've got cat hair and feces, dirt under your fingernails. Nobody's. You'll dump in toilets and not flush it. And Brady's a. Brad's about to defend the potluck right now. I just watched your face so much. What?

[Brady Bogan]

It's amazing how people, you know, you don't. Again, the. The big rule in what she's saying is, do you treat your house like this?

[John Holmberg]

Yes, they do. I. You are dreaming of it because you want somebody. Seven layer refrigerator at home. No, people are inherently.

[Brady Bogan]

I would say. It's not like that.

[John Holmberg]

People are disgusting. Not all of them, but there's enough of them that if Food was brought willy nilly from the house. You can't tell. Don't eat and stop the potluck.

[Brady Bogan]

Now think about it. It's. It's basically a cluster of 10 people because they're the only ones that are.

[John Holmberg]

Doesn't matter, because in that cluster of 10, you've got 3 or 4, 30, 40% of those 10 that are disgusting pigs, which means probably that percentage carries over. Do you want to take a chance that only 60% of the people bringing food to a potluck are. Are decent enough? No, stop the talk of that. If we can't keep the microwave clean over there, then that's it. Also, a little more house cleaning here. It's disgusting that emails have to go out to adults to say, hey, scrape the cheese, popcorn, fish guts, juice from whatever you made out of that thing.

[Brady Bogan]

Warming your poo in the microwave.

[John Holmberg]

Would you do this at home? Of course they would. They're pigs. That's what pigs do. Pigs will treat their home a little worse than work. They don't want to be considered pigs somewhere else. They're just pigs, period. So also, I have to let. I had to let the sales department know yesterday that they're out of touch. Evidently, our sales department is feeling a little bit of a summer slump. And I'm like, oh, that's too bad. Like, we got to get business popping. Let's get these people motivated. So they have little contests now and again. All sales, car sales, radio T. It doesn't matter. Whatever you're selling, there's a little motivating. You got to remember that all salespeople are just well dressed D students with barely high school diplomas. Barely. They're not, you know, that's the reason they went into radio sales in the first place, because decent jobs wouldn't take them. And a friend told them, you should try what I'm doing. It's, it's. It's essentially car sales. I mean, Moynihan, Annette, come on. Yeah, exactly. And you, you make my point. It takes absolutely no brain power to be one. And here's proof of it, is that. Now, I don't know if you guys have noticed, but downstairs, I was walking around sales department last year, and I looked around and I said, what's going on here? So go. We got a little sales contest. A motivating sales contest. My go. Yeah. Because it isn't enough to be motivated by your paycheck that somebody's got to light a fire under you every once in a while to remind you to work. But they're calling it the summer slump buster. And I'm like, is anybody aware of what a slump buster is? That's fat chicks. Yeah, you fat women. I'm like, are you all. Did Susan come down and say, all right, everybody. Does the sales staff have to start boning fat people to get better? And they're like, well, that's not what. And like, that's what a slump buster. We're like, what? We don't have enough Mexican businesses? So it's time for the old dirty Sanchez. What's wrong with you guys? Look up what you're talking about. The slump buster. We got signs all over down in the sales department. It says slump busters. I'm like, guys. And Ed looked it up. And he goes, sure enough, that's exactly what it is. That's exactly what that is. And I said, yeah, I'm not an idiot. Slump busters are. It's baseball tradition that if you go into a slump, you a fat woman. That's disgusting. To kind of just clean the cobwebs out of your body and do something you wouldn't normally do. To get back on track with good things, you have to, like, you know, eat the bad pill. And the bad pill is a giant pig. Mark Grace was adamant about the slump buster. Loved the idea of the slump buster. And then we have signs all over downstairs. Sales department. If you don't grab hold of a slump buster, your numbers are gonna stay low. Like, no. No slump buster sales. No dirty Sanchez sales. No angry pirate sales. Look up whatever you're titling your silly programs as.

[Brady Bogan]

I think it's great because now it's not wrong. Then we can call things maybe the.

[John Holmberg]

Fall pegging we're sounding this summer. We gotta get louder, everybody. It's time for a sounding sale. You guys know what sounding is? Yeah. It's when you shout out sale, sale, sale. Like, no, you stuff stuff in your urethra. What? Yeah, this. We're pegging Brady's, right? We're have a big pegging sale. We're putting pegs in the board. Nope, it's not what that means. We're going to have a rosebud contest. And who can bloom it first? Guys? The slump buster sales event downstairs. And I'm dying not one of them. I said, do you guys know what a sl. Oh, it's just you. You're gross. And I'm like, no, it isn't, buddy. It isn't. It's every human being who's ever had their fingers on the pulse.

[Brady Bogan]

Offended.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah, be offended. Here, here's a check for whatever you need for. I pay for offenses. Don't worry about that. I'll kick in a few bucks if I've offended you.

[Brady Bogan]

I'll be able to make some money on this.

[John Holmberg]

You know what? You might be right. You know what? Maybe I get some retro back on this thing and get a few bucks back in my world. Smoke busters and stairs. They've got proud signs. They did clip art walked by there.

[Brady Bogan]

I didn't notice.

[John Holmberg]

They're all over the place. Yeah, look and take some photos of our slump busters. Let's get out of this slump. How do we do it, boss? There's only one way I know about getting out of slumps. We gotta start fat shakes. All of us idiots. Yeah. And they were telling me, it's me. I'm like, no, I didn't invent this. Well, only you would know. And Ed, it's the first thing that comes up on the Internet. Because that's what it is. It didn't come out. There was no such thing as a slump buster before baseball players started to fat ladies.

[Brady Bogan]

I just thought it was like, is it, you know, hall of fame potential night? Cause I just saw pictures of the slump buster and had Mark Grace.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Mark Grace and like. Yeah. And one of those twins. A 600 pound girl. That's what I want to do. Brett, go find out what font or clip art they're using. And let's do new posters and we'll put a picture of one of the 600 pound sisters on there too. And just go. Good luck. Go get em, gang. Slump busting idiots. All right, we're gonna drive this thing all the way. All the way up north. National sales are down. It's time to ride the Alaskan pipeline. Oh, no, no, no, no. That's a frozen turd. Don't do that. Get those rusty trombones ready. We're gonna blow the other ones away like we're playing a horn. It's the old rusty trombone. Let's knock the rust off. Idiots. We were. And that's my proof that sales department people are these students at best who aren't really aware of their surroundings. Totally miss those signs because I'd be laughing. You'd have noticed. You're a baseball. And it's not just baseball. It's a man thing. Like dudes, the slump busters entered the vernacular only through banging fat chicks. And the fact that that's what they called it. And I walked by Ed's desk and I saw the it's just a piece of paper they printed. It looks like 1999 clip art. And it's got the slump buster thing. And I looked, and I'm like, ed's funny. Ed's joking about slump. And then the next desk had it, and then I looked on the wall, and I'm like, wait, they're all over what happened down here? So I asked, what are we doing? We're having a slump buster sale. You guys are gonna bone fat women. What's wrong with you? It's not me. You're the one who put up all the signs. Wait a minute. I mean, we got Ed. There's dudes down there. No, they should know.

[Brady Bogan]

They should.

[John Holmberg]

You just said Edmund Moynihan and Har. You just named the three. Ben walks down there. Ben walks down there. I mean, Ben probably knows.

[Brady Bogan]

Definitely relishing, like, this is awesome.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, there's dudes down there.

[Brady Bogan]

They should.

[John Holmberg]

They should have said something. Slump busters were also something when I worked at Tony Romas, that if you had gotten into a sex drought. Bang a fat chick, dude. Get it out of your system. Get her. She'll. She breaks the slump. They're easy. Basically. They're easy marks. The slump buster is. She's the fat one. She's. No. She doesn't have a lot of options, right? Yeah, Just take whatever. So you're gonna get laid. So go get her. And then you're. And then you can. Then you got back on. You had some. So you're back in there. You know, you took some bp. She's basically soft toss. It's an easy kill. Gets confidence back. Let's get back in the game.

[Brady Bogan]

It's like curing the hiccups.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You went four or five months without having sex. You're telling your friends, dude, I'm in a dry spells. Like, grab a slump buster. And then the pig at the end of the bar, like, I got to do this. Then your four month streak is over, and you start going, all right, all right, I'm back. It hasn't been that long. I got this out of my system. The tension's going. I can be normal again. And our sales department thinks it's a kick ass way to tell clients, well, you're my slump buster. Like, what. What'd you call me? It's 10 minutes to 2 at the bar down there. It's all right. Whatever's left, I'll take it. And Phoenix is overweight. Yes. And they're coming to get you. Yeah, they're all gonna that's good pressure.

[Brady Bogan]

To add more incentives. You got. It's 10 minutes to 2.

[John Holmberg]

You try to get the clock down there. Oh, man, I was dying.

[Toledo]

You know?

[John Holmberg]

We need a poster.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, one sheeter to the clients. Yeah, it's part of the summer slump.

[John Holmberg]

We came to you because we think you're an easy kill. Like a fat girl at the end of the bar. You're my slump buster. Huh? What? That's right, Eric. You're gonna be our next client. What am I doing here? What's happening? Crazy.

[Brady Bogan]

It could work.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

And then again, you know, we could go to the fall freak off.

[John Holmberg]

Why not? Oh, there you go. Totally, completely unaware of any. Anything that's going on on the planet. I want to see one of the sales people going there with their little flyer, like Byron at Mo Money Pond, going, hey, we're having that slump buster sale. Here you go. What do you think? We're in a little bit of a summer swoon, so we decided to slump bust. Well, I've done that. I've had to do that in the past. That's tough. I'm sorry. You're going through it. What are you talking about? Oh, you gotta bang a fat person now. Like a gross one. Like a homeless almost. Anyway, good luck down there, sales department. I wish I was in on that meeting when we broke out the flyers. Here's what we're gonna do this summer. Dying. Dying. Laughing. Anyway, so if the toilet don't flush, you have to go get a little net and scoop out your stuff. Especially if you're in somebody's bathroom you're not supposed to be in. Cleaning guy. So I think he's been using one. It's the only one with a key at night because Shannon's here, but he by himself now. If he leaves it open, I'm looking at the night guy over there at Katie kb. Because everyone at that station hates me, and everyone, pretty much everyone outside of KUPD in this building is not. They would poop in my office if they had the door open and no one was here. I put it on them first. Then. Then the cleaning guy, who's just probably in there going, well, I don't want to do it, because there is that guy here, and they're here late at night, and he's got nobody to think of. So that's probably. It's a nice bathroom. It's solo. He goes in there, and then he realized midway through his dump. And if it is the cleaning guy, and this is the only reason I think it might not be the cleaning guy is because they have cleaning stuff and gloves. A decent human being scoops that out.

[Brady Bogan]

Of there and there's, you know, you're going to get a call and you know, yeah, right from the service.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know who did that, but I keep my eyes on it.

[Brady Bogan]

There are definitely some people that would do that thinking. You know, one couple might think it's hilarious, sure.

[John Holmberg]

But they wouldn't leave it. They did that. This was not a joke. Yeah, because the toilet does business. I've known for a long time that it doesn't flush. That's because I'm just a pee only guy. I don't poop at work. You shouldn't poop at work, but I'm a pee only guy. So as it runs, will you print like 20 of those and we'll go put them downstairs? Brett has just found a giant fat lady in a hat in her underwear. And it just says slump buster on it. And it took you all of a.

[Brady Bogan]

Half second and it's for the Astros.

[John Holmberg]

Did you see them, Rich? They're down there. You haven't seen them. Go bring one up. Go bring one up. There's. There's still. Print more. Trust me. They don't know what's going on down there. I'm going to go ahead and say it. If somebody from Hubbard Sales comes to you today and says that, it just go, am I your slump buster? It's like, what do you think? I'm a fat, easy kill at the end of a bar. Who told you? I'm keeping you. I'm keeping you. It is just. They are. It is funny when management reveals how they lick windows at the end with their free time.

[Brady Bogan]

If it turns around. It's one of the biggest contests we've ever had.

[John Holmberg]

We're gonna have.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, gotta do more of them.

[John Holmberg]

Gonna get bigger. The slump busters are bigger than ever. And they'll have the incentives. Last year's Slump Busters were great. This year, they're even bigger. Oh, we're going for bigger slump busters, you dummies. But yeah, when Ed looked it up, they still were in complete denial. It's. That's just some weird Internet thing. It's the first thing that comes up when you type slump. It just finished for him. That's 40 years old. I remember that in junior high when we were at Tony Romans, I was introduced. There it is, the Summer Discovery Slump Busters Summer Discovery Drive. And it's a dude, the pit of a dude with a guy eating ice cream. That's the Katie KB sales sheet. That's. That's not.

[Brady Bogan]

No wonder. I. I looked at that thing and.

[John Holmberg]

I'm like, oh, they're everywhere. Oh, it's a bat. It's a. Not for us. We're doing slump busters. But it's optional. Yeah, it says the summer slump is real, but it's optional. There's ways around it. A fatty.

[Brady Bogan]

Wait for the grenade Incentive.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's great.

[Brady Bogan]

Grenade package.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we might as well just have the this bitch will do sale. I laughed for 20 minutes yesterday at the absolute lack of. And again, they think it's. They think that I'm just the devil. So I wander around here writing checks, kicking names, you know, Here you go. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Kick a check. Kick a check. And then. And they. They think I'm an idiot. And so I walk through and when I say something, they're like, oh, you're an idiot. That's what I'm like. I'm telling you right now, if you told people that you're in a slump buster sale, they're going to laugh because this is.

[Brady Bogan]

Could you come with dog days?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, this one's. This guy says, quit hating on the big girls. It's real. When I need my pipes drained, big girls always there. Always handled me like I was Ace Ventura after liver in the dog. That's right. Remember that when she brought the dog back. You're at is for to get 829 off. Oh, and they're all working for a slump buster to get a day off because the harder they work, the less they have to work. That's a. That's genius.

[Brady Bogan]

Bonus.

[John Holmberg]

How about just show up to work every day? There's the urban dictionary. Do your job. Oh, this one says you need to post those on Facebook for everybody. You're killing me right now. Okay. Yeah, that's the urban dictionary. It says a slump buster. A large, unattractive girl, most commonly with low self esteem. You have sex with one that is suffering in a slump. That's right. You give the example. Go ahead.

[Brady Bogan]

Mitch.

[John Holmberg]

Mitch, dude, when was the last time you got laid? Yeah, it's been a while. But don't worry, I got me a slump buster last night. I should be good. All right. Nice job, brother. Yeah, it's hilarious. And they're completely clueless about it, but they're posters all over downstairs. If I put up slump buster posters saying KUPD's, the station's doing great. The slump is that they can't sell the Other two dumpsters around here.

[Brady Bogan]

Looking at the poster and the design, everything, it looks like, you know, kind of Tommy Bahama.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. You see the guy eating ice cream in his. In his Hawaiian shirt? Yeah. He's looking for slump buster and he's got bait. He's carrying around ice cream. They're stupid. They're so stupid. Any who laughed for 20 minutes took my beating downstairs that I was the weirdo. And then when they looked it up on the Internet, everybody's face was like, oh, my God, what are we up to? I don't think they tell the clients about slump busters. I don't think it's a good idea. It's an in house thing. But you get a day off because the best thing to do when you're in trouble is fight. If that's your motivation to work harder so you can work less, I think I can understand why you're ebbing and flowing in slumps. If the. If the. If your entire motivation is to work less and only spike every once in a while, then you're only working for, you know, you're not working for your job. You're working for peanuts that are tossed on top. Little jimmies. How about I'll fire you if you don't pick it up. How about signs that say that pick up every or you're about to get fired if you don't hit this number. This is the bare minimum of sales, and you're on your ass. There's one that'll. That should motivate some folks. It's better than a fat chick. Better than banging fat chicks for work. You know, work this place starting to force you to do stuff you didn't want to do. I didn't realize that. You know, I don't know if it's mandatory that the salespeople have to go fat people in order to make their. Their jobs easier. Crazy. Flat out crazy.

[Brady Bogan]

The funny thing is if you, you know, if it doesn't happen, it will be a slump buster.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

When's the last time you had a day off?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You guys are gonna be working weekends.

[Toledo]

I did.

[John Holmberg]

I better go bang a fat chick like today. Susan was right. Ed comes back and he goes, sales through the roof have been knocking fat girls all over the city.

[Brady Bogan]

Dexter just emailed in and said I'm.

[John Holmberg]

A women's softball player and we have slump busters. Oh, you do?

[Toledo]

Why not?

[John Holmberg]

Apparently because they're already slump busters. What does slump busters do? I didn't realize female softball players are slump busters. Who do they slump bust? That's got to be somebody in a wheelchair. Anyway, I laughed. I wanted to share. The place has a lot of emails going around throwing blame. You are unaware of your surroundings. Clean that microwave. What's wrong with you? It's like, by the way, we're having our slump buster sale because I got my fingers on the pulse. And it's just fun because I know everybody out there driving to work, looks at their management and goes, these mother don't know anything. And ours proves it every once in a while by posting up big homemade posters of a duty dude carrying ice cream on the beach. Like a predator trying to groom a fats, their sales go up. Oh, I'm not allowed in any meetings because I would. I would have been banned from that one for sure. The first thing you'd have heard from me is, are you kidding me? What? What's wrong with slump bus? Well, first off, the creepy dude carrying fattening foods around trying to get a slump buster is, look it up. Just look it up. How can you be so unaware? You're right. Dave Har's a baseball fan. He's. He should know this. He should have said, oh, believe me, he didn't say anything because he's afraid.

[Brady Bogan]

Hilarious. You're like, you want to do this? Slump busters?

[John Holmberg]

I'm all in. Yeah, maybe he's into it. I go, God, that'll help. I've had a couple clients drop off and it's. I sure could use a chunk. You see, our sales department's going out there with blue Bell ice cream. Hey, you interested in buying some? He take a look at my ice cream cone. I love ice cream. I bet you do. Of course you do. You ever think about advertising? Advertising what? I don't know. Ozempic or something. I need you.

[Brady Bogan]

Imagine if bluebell, whatever ice cream company came out with the flavor. The slump buster.

[John Holmberg]

The slump buster. That's brilliant. Yeah. Grooming a slump buster. Yeah, you just have it.

[Brady Bogan]

How long would that last?

[John Holmberg]

Extra fattening ice cream. It's just Crisco with Jimmy's on dying laughing. So thank you, sales department, for. For now taking our. Our mantle as the funniest people in the room. They don't realize they are, but they are the funniest people in the building. The slump master sale. Good luck with that. And you know what's going to be great? Because it just started. In a couple of days, there's going to be a chart with all the salespeople's names and, like, check Marks next to on who's winning, who's got the most slump buster hits. And it'll say slump busters. And it'll say, like, Dave Har. And there'll be like nine check MVP to be the one who got the most out of it. He's just killing the slump. He's just crushing fats.

[Brady Bogan]

Maybe they'll have stuff like launch rate.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. They'll do, like, analytics on your slumps. I hope they do it. I hope they. I hope the. The winner not only does it by, like, sales amounts, but by the pound. Like, let's. Like, how big was the. Like, how fat were your sales moneyballs? Yeah, hilarious. Yeah, hilarious. We're going to have. Yeah. What are we going to do next? Next is like plumbing is, you know, sometimes summer plumbing. We're going to do a drain the snake sale. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Brady Bogan]

To the pipe.

[John Holmberg]

We've got this big Viking horn. We put it in the sale. So every time you make a sale, it's the tug the horn. Summer, let's do right now. I'm telling you, want to get up, wander over to that room and just tug that horn as often as you can. If we had an IQ test downstairs, it wouldn't break the four figures combined. They could help each other out. They could work as a team. And they'd come up about a 112 after seeing the slump busters. Unbelievable. Almost one sickness magnetic upd. Holmberg's morning sickness. Can I'll get again. Let. Come into my office. Bring the checkbook. I'm like, all right. Yeah, I know what happened. Why did you do that? I didn't do anything. I'm an observer. Why do we have dirty pictures all over the building?

[Toledo]

Get out.

[John Holmberg]

That's all Tripp does now. It just spins.

[Brady Bogan]

I've seen him old school. He's like, Mr. Mooney, now you're.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he's just becoming a cartoon gong for me at this point. Get in here. You're the one who hired the lady who put up pictures of a grooming dude eating ice cream looking for fat chicks on a beach. That's not what that is. I don't know. It says slump buster. I pretty sure that's exactly what that is. You're the only one in the world who knows that.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't think I am keeping a secret.

[John Holmberg]

I can show you my emails. That. The second I said it, they just went, you are idiots. I know. I agree. Good luck. I hope it works. That would be great. Sales went through the moon. Because we slump. Busted. Well, that's what slump busters do. You get your confidence. It worked. You get your confidence, you bang a fat and you get your confidence back and you feel good again. You drain the pipes. You, like, take a breath and get back out there and you try for real people. It works. It works. Look, I'll tell you this. Don't waste your time advertising on other stations, even our own other stations. It's a waste of your money. They try to throw it all in. Like they make it a throw in. Because it's impossible to sell. KUPD is the only place you need to worry about. We. We get results. Ask any of the clients. Ask Doug Hopkins the reason he only advertises on tv and here he's not on a radio station. Occasionally he's on ktr. They get some results too. Otherwise, screw him. Screw up. Make sure that they get rich. Oh, yeah. No Ladonna shows up at your house. I understand. We ran a Doug Hopkins ad, you heard today. And you haven't tried to sell your house. What's the problem here? We don't want to move. Ladonna. You didn't want to move. Now you do. Hopkins said, now your house is as is with bullet holes in it. Are we happy? Yeah. Ladonna makes a three star review. Yeah. Ladonna. Ladonna, door to door, is their sales pitch. Over at ktr, it's like we're have to send Ladonna out. We're in a bit of a slump. You got it, boss. I'm out of here. So long, Admiral. I'll be back with money. Hi, Ladonna. Harvey, ktar. Your roof looks fine, but we run roofing ads. Get it done. Call now. You're selling your house. Sharp. When the commercial says call now, Ladonna means that.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm only gonna say it.

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna. There's a comma call. No. If I have to come back here, I'll do the roof myself. And you will pay me. Yes, ma' am. Yes, sir. Anyway. Pretty good stuff. By the way, I did the. The bullet noises. That's not a real threat. It's a toy I play with. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. It's not real. There was a shooting at D. Desert Ridge Mall, right? And I thought to myself, desert Ridge has it. That's. And then they said what it was, and you start thinking that our, you know, gun toting weirdos hanging around Desert Ridge. And I'm sure there's a few hasn't been a whole lot of crime up in that area. Although Desert Ridge is known for human trafficking. It's a hotspot, right? Huh? It's on an avenue. No, Desert Ridge. It's not an avenue. No, it isn't. Oh, I was thinking of the other one. You're thinking of arrowhead. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Wouldn't even make the news. Shooting at arrows. Arrowheads. Of course there was. It's named after a weapon. Arrowhead is like you're gonna get shot by something. My bad. Sorry about that. No, desert ridges. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's nice. Beautiful north Scottsdale.

[Brady Bogan]

It's almost too far north for an.

[John Holmberg]

Ave. Yeah, yeah, it's. It's great. So. But then I.

[Toledo]

And then.

[John Holmberg]

Then you found out it was an ex husband shooting and killing. It's terrible. His ex wife in the parking lot. And the speculation I read said something about like she had a date or something. And it got me wondering how. Because I. Because my first initial reaction was, ooh, gang violence. Because I'm white and I'm scared by the news.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, that's the go to.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you go to. It's a mall parking lot. It's a teenager gang violence. Trey and Ricky are hanging out there. Exactly. Volkswagen. Yeah. Look what happened at the end of the Boys in the Hood. Where did the last shooting occur? In a mall. Parking.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Because one of them was get a burger. Hungry as a mother. And they went to the. Was it ghetto burger? Is that what they'll get a burger? We used to call ghetto burger, but yeah, get a burger. Yeah, because saved got like Sam. So with my hair. That dude needed. He wanted a burger. Let's get over there. I'm hungry as a motherfucker. Went over. They got shot. And that's what we've been taught by the TV is that mall parking lot shootings are usually bad neighborhoods or something.

[Brady Bogan]

YouTube stars.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, sometimes that happens. You get it. But for the most part, it's bad. Bad guys that you're like, well, they. They live that life. You hear desert Ridge, and you're like, oh, no. Bad guys have moved over to Desert Ridge. Is there any place safe? And then you find out that it's two people that once promised their lives to each other. And it got me thinking because I watch a lot of murder shows. I wonder what has caused more murder, Love or anger? Hate.

[Brady Bogan]

Because there is. I think that of road rage stuff seems to be.

[John Holmberg]

Well, there's no. There's not like a lot of that. There's a lot of Yellings that there's some shooting you'll hear about knowing again. But there's shootings all the time. Love or hate.

[Brady Bogan]

And we're coming into the high season.

[John Holmberg]

What caused the heat? What causes more shootings? And I have to think it's love.

[Brady Bogan]

Love turns even a person that has been shunned from everyone, like, because of no women.

[John Holmberg]

Well, no, I mean, look, one. It's. Again, it's not all of one and all the. They're. They're both throwing good numbers.

[Brady Bogan]

But that would put that in that circle of.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I think if somebody just went and shot up strangers, that's. That could. You know what, you could make an.

[Brady Bogan]

Argument a girl that caused that.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, love drove them that way. And it isn't about hate of the people they're shooting. It's about that love damaged them so badly. I think love is the leader in the clubhouse on murder. I don't know that it's a. It's a runaway. And that's why the. That's why my brain debated it. But I start thinking that how many times you hear husband shoots wife, wife shoots husband, or. Or, you know, family member. The one the other day where the stepson shot the mom and the. Or the stepmom and the dad, and they're like, he was on the run for a little bit.

[Brady Bogan]

It comes back. I think it's love, but I think it comes back to parenting. I mean, that seems to be the go to. You gotta let them know. No, just.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not trying to solve it. I don't care. I don't care. Why?

[Brady Bogan]

Because you're saying just drive by the ex girlfriend's house.

[John Holmberg]

But here's the thing. I did drive by the ex girlfriend's house, and luckily for me, I didn't see her, you know, making out with some new dude outside. I did drive by once and saw a truck in front of the house, and I knew whose truck it was, and I almost lost it. But I had to contain myself. It had nothing to do with my upbringing. It had everything to do with me losing my mind.

[Brady Bogan]

Because love and losing your mind would gun. Never even.

[John Holmberg]

I would have hit him with a car if he was outside. I was not in a good space. Yeah, I probably would have done something. I would have hit his. I don't know how many times have my uncle had his ex wife get mad at him for not being jealous enough. She went to a concert and he didn't want to go. And he goes, go have fun. It'll be great. And My uncle's kind of like me. The whole jealousy thing is like a waste of time. You're jealous isn't going to stop somebody from doing something, and it isn't going to, you know, keeps like. It's not going to make them do it. It's just a wasted. It's not an emotion. It's a weird little thing. Envy is different than jealous. Jealousy is ugly. She went to a concert with somebody from her work, and he had a little Carmen Ghia he had worked on and made really awesome. And I was. Those are kind of junk cars. I used to like the way they look, but they have, like, the worst engines ever, you know, better than anybody. And he had, you know, the quadruple, and he spruced it up. He really liked it, did the bodywork. Everything was great. And he was working on the car. She went to a concert, comes back home and says, I went to a concert with Rob, blah, blah, blah, from work and another guy. And he goes, did you have fun? You don't even care. And he's like, did you? Like, what am I supposed to worry about here? Did you. Were you banging these guys?

[Brady Bogan]

I trust you.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't. If you're gonna do that, you're gonna do it no matter how I feel like, if that. If you're gonna do that, it doesn't matter if I'm jealous or put pressure on you. In fact, that'll just push you to do it more. So she's like, I don't know what's wrong with you. You're not even angry. So she goes outside and he's like, she left. I thought she just drove away. She took her car, went back about 30ft on the road and drove as fast as she could into his karmagia, into his precious. Yeah, you love this now. Are you jealous? And he goes, no, I'm scared. You're crazy. Like, you're an insane person. Now I'm pissed. And that was love. Love caused that. So how many times you've seen stories where, you know, hate definitely has its place.

[Brady Bogan]

It's powerful.

[John Holmberg]

It has its. But I'm wondering, does love win? The hooks couscous caused more death, Love or hate? And then you look at the FBI stats and stuff, and you're more likely to be killed by someone you know and you are close to than you are a stranger. It's weird. I think to solve it, you need to ride around with your shirt off with your buddy listening to poison and stuff like that, and just, you know, just be ready to go you're making fun of Mark Stebbings in one of his worst moments. And I don't like to use names, but bank CEO Mark Stebbings was driving around in his 86 Prelude with this on, crying his eyes out because he is love. Take it away. Alma School and Guadalupe. And I had my shirt off, too, because I'm like, that's what we're doing. We're a couple dudes with our shirts off, driving around looking for. Wait a minute. Are you crying? This is a song. Like, turn it down. Then. No, I want to hear it. And then just at the top of his lungs, I love you, Tiffany. The intersection didn't need to know that. Every rose has its. Did not need to know that.

[Brady Bogan]

And what you. You know, basically, it'll take time, but get over it. You didn't go, let's go get a gun and shoot some people.

[John Holmberg]

No, I said take me home. I think you're about to kill her. I got to get away from you. You've lost your mind. And look, I did it. The whole book of vagina poetry I wrote when I was in my worst moment. I drove by that girl's house every day, multiple times a day.

[Brady Bogan]

And that's what I'm thinking. People are losing the alternatives.

[John Holmberg]

What do you mean? To drive by the poetry. Drive by is easy now. Good point. Be careful. It's like the slump bus. We gotta be careful. We're having a big drive by, Stan. Oh, no. Oh. Anyway. Yeah, but, yeah, that was a. I just sat in that prelude kind of quiet for a little bit. Like, I just wish Dan Goldberg would have pulled up next to you guys in his work. Work trucker. What the. I had a long day at work. What do you two do? Put your clothes on.

[Brady Bogan]

Why are you crying?

[John Holmberg]

Put your. God. Why is your friend sobbing? You will give him a hand job. Give him a hand job. Make the tear stop. Make something else on his body leak. I can't look at this.

[Brady Bogan]

Comes home to Mars.

[John Holmberg]

The both of them, shirts off our boy. That's right. And the cool one, Steppings, you know, the one that grew up and turned into a man. He was. I think our boy broke up with him because Stebbings was all torn up and they were listening to love songs. Anyway. I'm gonna kill the boy. I wonder how much of it. I wonder what the. What the statistic is. Love has to outweigh hate.

[Brady Bogan]

Always said it most of the time, like, man, look for a breakup.

[John Holmberg]

Breakup.

[Brady Bogan]

A lot of those random dude went.

[John Holmberg]

All the way to desert Ridge just shot his ex wife because the love had driven him to crazy. And you can say, oh, he hates her now. But at one point in this guy's life, he stood up in front of family and friends and said, forever. You can't love anything more. And that can change, no doubt. But still, to kill her. And he did. At Desert Ridge. He should have just went for a slump buster. Yeah, I mean, well, you know, I'll have him contact Susan. Are we hiring down there? They were told when they answered the phones, it's like, thanks for calling Hubbard Broadcasting. Home of the slump buster. We should have it on our sign. Like, home of the Whopper. It is home of the Whopper. It's the same thing. We're looking for Whoppers. I love it here. It's such a weird place. Let's get a wake up song, shall we? 585-9800. A good one. We'll scream it together. It's 98 KUP, Wake Up Arizona's most.

[Toledo]

Powerful, powerful rock radio station.

[John Holmberg]

You thought that was funny? You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? There you go. Miles to nowhere. Thank you very much. Friday on a roll here. A lot of people emailing in saying they want the pictures of our slump buster stuff. And you'll be. We'll be happy to do that. Is it still up here? We'll. We'll post pictures. Yeah, yeah, we'll get that says when.

[Brady Bogan]

It comes to create some additional sales.

[John Holmberg]

Sure. When it comes to slump busters, it is a new terminology to me. In my experience, getting some is better than getting none. Oh, that's the point, Blake. Like, that's what we're saying with slump busters is like, no matter what the slump buster is, we say it's usually a fat, a weird, gross person at the end of a bar two in the morning. But whatever your slump buster is, you may like the bigs and like a slump buster for you would be climbing on some anorexic chick. It's whatever you would normally not do. That is an easy kill. Find the easy kill, take care of it, and then your slump is over.

[Brady Bogan]

And the point of this whole thing is it's like an episode of the Office downstairs. Dunder Mifflin is just having a sales.

[John Holmberg]

Which is why that show was so, like, right on the money is because we. Oh, we live it. WKRP and the Office combined and made this building. Wkrp, definitely. This one says, dear John, you cuck. Let me Tell you about real slump busting. As someone who has a body count in the triple digits, I have had quite a slump Buster noticed that it is that I wrote that it is singular. If you do more than one, it's a habit. Then we're getting into the territory of what hogging is. Oh, we're having our big hogging fall sale this summer. Hubbard sales going hoggin. And the winner of the gone hoggin sales gets hot banaka for a year. Oh, that's when someone farts in your mouth. Don't give away hot banaka. It's the cinnamon banana. Fresh breath for a fresh sale. Hot banana for everybody.

[Brady Bogan]

I forgot about.

[John Holmberg]

Gave her a hot panaka right after our slump buster sale. Susan, will you step into my office? Bring your checkbook. No, no. It says. And you don't. It says territory hogging. If you don't know what hogging is, let me educate you. Yes, we do know what hogging is, but it's a group of people. Well, this is a different vibe on it. It's a group of people chipping in money, and whoever takes the fattest girl home wins the pot. Now, I've. I've not heard of the gambling aspect on Hagen. Uh, if you have to flower her up to find the. Well. Okay, that's enough. Dalton, that's. And he spelled flower with a W. Don't. If you're. Look, if you're going hogging and you've got to make the flower joke, at least spell flower the right way. Unbelievable.

[Brady Bogan]

I remember there's a group of guys in college. They. They had passed around. They called it the sea captain, and it was a captain's hat, but it wasn't actually the sea. It was the C. So you who hooked up with the C grade girl and they had to wear the captain's hat.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's pretty good. My friend. I was at his fraternity house in college. I was just hanging out, waiting for everybody to go. I hated it in there. He's going to get a meeting. Let's have meeting. And I'm like, oh, my God, there's a dance for everything. And then they're like, all right, it's time on Monday to find out who had the best worst weekend. And you brought out the panties of the girl you had sex with. And the dude with the biggest one.

[Brady Bogan]

It was the champ.

[John Holmberg]

Didn't have to pay for beer all week. And they would put him on the wall. So by the end of the semester, the wall was covered in gigantic girls panties. Horrible. Susan, just emailed me and said, wow, what did Brady say? I think we're gonna have the big. We're gonna give away a trip on a two person boat in San Diego harbor and we'll call it the big C word. Sail. Hey, we're going C word. Except for I'm gonna spell it all clever with just a C. The C word guy said, I liked your argument about love and hate. And it's, you know, in a little interesting debate, Kevin had a great point, but it says it isn't love or it isn't hate that causes shootings. It's being in Maryvale. I'm like, that's true. That's probably more accurate than my argument. But y solid argument basically says it's, you know, love never kills. It's love turned to hate. So you know what I mean? You know, once you loved and that love caused hate. Love, love is the fertilizer for hate. You know what I mean? Like love can fertilize hate fast. I watch a lot of murder shows and a lot of times the murderer is like, I loved you so much I couldn't share with someone else. And it. The love fertilized the hate. And then maybe with the love, maybe, right. Maybe love goes away and the hate takes over. But I have to think that the confusion between the two, because it is a fine line, the way your brain reacts to both is pretty similar. And so it's an interesting thought because there's, you know, another guy just sent me things. There's a shooting in a Sun City this morning.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, that dude a couple weeks ago that took out daughters.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I said. Yeah, the guy that. The one that shot the step.

[Brady Bogan]

I heard some call they played. I just took my family out. When are you guys going to get over here?

[John Holmberg]

I just got a. I'm sorry. Just got another email from Susan. She's very upset about the microwave and she says I have a dirty nuke box. And I'm like, oh, don't, Susan. Let's be careful without you. Somebody clean my dirty nuke box. I love it. Chris Parker's email said, look up a strawberry shortcake. I already know what that is. What is that? Oh, that's when you. It's a money shot. And then you punch her in the face and break her nose. Oh, Jesus Christ. I didn't invent it. I'm just telling you what you asked what it was. I know.

[Toledo]

And then.

[John Holmberg]

Sorry I asked. Then the colors blend into a strawberry.

[Brady Bogan]

They love it, man. They love it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I don't think that one's if. If that's ever been pulled off. Yeah. It's a crime. Yeah. So. And gays can do it. It's a money shot followed by a broken nose and then the blood in the. They make a strawberry kind of thing. It's called the strawberry shortcake. Now write that down. It could be a sales. Sales pitch in your office next time.

[Brady Bogan]

The angry pirate sale.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. Being in Maryvale and married causes both love and hate. That's true. So it's a. You see, it's the brewing ground for it all. It's the. It's the. The breeding ground for hate. Starts a lot of the times with love because love isn't like. It can get uncontrollable. Like some people can't handle how they feel about love. And it quickly boils over into, they had it.

[Brady Bogan]

Passion taken away.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, I mean, there's a reason why one of our laws is, you know, crime of passion. It's like you loved so hard, you lost control of your emotions. You didn't know what. What, what? Hate and love, and you don't know what it is. Confusing. You're screwed up. Love confuses you. That's right. To quote the philosopher Davius Cooperus, love confuses. Yeah, it's a. So now that was my argument. I wasn't trying to create a. I got a couple people going. The Lord preached love and love never hurts. I'm like, all right, all right. You know what I mean, though? You know, let's not get crazy about your feelings about this. And you don't. We don't want to get. Put blinders on. It's a thing like, you know, and I start to read about these things. I'm gonna wonder which one if. You know, that would be kind of neat at the end, if you had a scorecard, if there was a stat sheet at the end of your life and you're like, here's what you witnessed. Like, love caused this many murders. Hate caused this many murders. And like, wow, that's great. Pretty impressive. Here's the thing I saw yesterday too, and it was a couple days ago, Johnny Depp went into a kid's hospital. Did you see it? He's dressed as Jack Sparrow and he was talking like a five year old. That five year old doesn't know who the hell Jack Sparrow is. The first movie came out in 2003.

[Brady Bogan]

But does it work? You know, no matter what? It's a pirate, filthy pirate.

[John Holmberg]

Came wandering into a children's house. I'd be Screaming like crazy.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, it sounds like they weren't.

[John Holmberg]

I would lose my mind. Well, you'd have to tell them because of a filthy pirate. It's all right, Billy. It's all right. Your pirate costume's really ramping up the cancer seve. Yeah, yeah. All right. I like to hang out in rooms with people who can't control their bowels in bed. This one hasn't gotten up to go to the bathroom for a long time. What's your ailment? What are you? I'm Jack Sparrow.

[Brady Bogan]

What the hell is that?

[John Holmberg]

That was popular 25 years ago.

[Brady Bogan]

Mommy, can I have some of that rum he's offered?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the last Jack sparrow movie was 2017. I'm not so sure.

[Brady Bogan]

Send the drunk pirate in.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not so sure. The dude modeled after Keith Richards is a great idea to introduce to kids who are dying. He's more known for his wife dropping a deuce in bed nowadays. Oh, you're the guy. I know. You okay? I have to explain it to the other dying kids. He. I'm the oldest one. He played this pirate character before. Remember that lady that dropped the grumpy in his bed? Oh, that's him. He. He beat that girl and then she in his bed. Hey, thanks for coming by.

[Brady Bogan]

That was nice for the kids. But the hospital staff's gonna love this.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, the moms probably were all the parents. Yeah, even the moms wouldn't remember 21 Jump street if they've got a sick 5 year old because they're only like 25 or 26 year old moms. So they barely. They were barely. They were just children when the first Captain Jack movie came out. So they're the ones you're targeting. He should be going to like, like some sort of a sick 20 something hospital. Do they have those like hot 20 year old girl hospitals?

[Brady Bogan]

I'm trying to think if.

[Toledo]

A five.

[Brady Bogan]

Year old could watch that. Those movies, you know, like are they. They're not. You might get a little young.

[John Holmberg]

I don't think you're throwing a five year old that.

[Brady Bogan]

That ball yet when it first came out, you know, and the kid was five for the parents taking them to pirates.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I mean I'm sure there were kids in there. Yeah, yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Because there's a part of it, it's very Disney. But then there's some kind of scary killing.

[John Holmberg]

There's some special effects in there with Davy Jones Locker when everybody turns into skeletons and go, oh, that's a little spooky. I'm sure there were some Kids in that hospital that are older and dying that Johnny Depp touched, dressed as a pirate just seems like he's drunk again. I mean, that's something a drunk would do. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna dress up as a pirate and I'm gonna go into the hospital and I'm gonna touch some dying kids. Like, I don't think they know who that is, you know? I'm gonna go in as my character from 21 Jump Street. Why? I'm just famous. This is dumb.

[Brady Bogan]

Gilbert Grape just came in.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Gilbert Grape.

[Brady Bogan]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

Edward Scissorhands. Sit down. He goes in there with his scissors. Yeah. Kids would be at it again, like, what is this? What's happening? This is a famous character from a movie.

[Brady Bogan]

Get him out.

[John Holmberg]

Holmberg's morning sickness. He's gonna cut out my cancer? No. Then get him out. That's the only thing that kids ask. Is this guy gonna cut out my cancer? No. Then he doesn't need to be here. I thought I'd come by, roll and a hum, hum, hum. Get out. Get out. You're making the kids scared.

[Brady Bogan]

Edward says don't even talk.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Like miming.

[John Holmberg]

Just cutting bushes for him. The hell is this? I'm glad I'm dying. What is this? Am I gonna die today? Because I'd rather do that than watch this. It's a pretty rough cough. You should have that looked at. I'm in a children's hospital, asshole. Take your hook and your wig and get out. Here is a complimentary bottle of Savage. At least you'll smell great when you die. Yes, you will. And now I'm gonna play guitar for you. Some really cool licks. You know, I'm in a band with Hagar. Who's that? Shut up, kids. I'm. I'm dealing with my own mortality here. So are we. It's just odd to me that a guy would go dressed up as something.

[Brady Bogan]

I never thought about that. It is post.

[John Holmberg]

It's way old.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It's not new. And Johnny Depp. It's neat.

[Brady Bogan]

I mean, the fact that it's a. I'm sure they'd recognize pirates because there's a couple of kids books.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, sure. They know what a pirate is. Usually. Pirates aren't good. It's like the thing you see before you die is like a bunch of evil stuff. And they're gonna have bad dreams about this weird old drunk that came in. I hope he smelled like a pirate. Smell like Savage.

[Brady Bogan]

Heavy.

[John Holmberg]

It's just. Yeah, he's drenched in it to cover up the alcohol stink and the grumpy smell that he rolled over. I've heard from.

[Brady Bogan]

He came out there, he's like, I sold five cases.

[John Holmberg]

Those kids love my stuff. I've heard from other celebrities that Johnny Depp smells terrible. Yeah, I've heard that. Other people said, johnny Depp is one of the worst smelling celebrities I've ever been around because he's very patchouli natural. Evidently, I don't know this to be true. And evidently there's a defamation thing. I gotta be very careful. I didn't know. I've heard from. I don't necessarily believe that to be true. I wear Savage now and again. I find it to be a wonderful scent. So Johnny Depp in my book smells great. But I have heard.

[Brady Bogan]

About two months ago, I asked about playing with somebody on the golf course.

[John Holmberg]

Like, smells good. What is that? Savage sauvage. It covers up the smell of huge turds in your bed. Speaking of turds in bed, how you kids doing? Hey, what are you. I'm a pirate. Jack Sparrow. It's June. Come back in a few months when it's Halloween. Jackass. What are you doing? I'm entertaining you with a beloved movie character. Okay, what, is Jimmy Stewart coming in later with his rear window wheelchair?

[Brady Bogan]

Honey, this is Johnny Depp, okay?

[John Holmberg]

Mom, why didn't you just hire the Three Stooges? We don't know them either. You're idiots. Mom, why is Richard Dreyfuss here? What the. It's the 50th anniversary of Jaws, and I just thought I'd come in and say hello to the kids. Jaws. Dun, dun, dun, dun. You know.

[Brady Bogan]

Who the hell is this?

[John Holmberg]

Will somebody hire Mr. Beast and get him in here? Lily Pons, can I get somebody modern? Is Alex Earl available? Yeah, they rolling old stars. And this is. Hey, look, it's Mark Hamill. Hello. Kids don't know who you are. You familiar with Star Wars? Not the one where an old, decrepit homeless man's in it. Who are you, Luke Skywalker? No, I've seen him. He's much younger. Yeah, I don't know why you're dragging these. These kids. Johnny Depp. What? He came in as Hunter S. Thompson from Fear and Loathing in love's Face. All right, kids, have you tried acid? I mean, you don't have much time left. Let's get on the ball. I don't know. It's just weird. I saw that and I'm like, well, that doesn't seem right. It's nice. You don't want. I don't. I'm a cynic.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm just saying. Is that the wheelhouse, that. That, you know, four and five year old. They're now seeing those movies or they, you know, one of the things that they watched in rotation.

[John Holmberg]

No, they don't even have time to.

[Brady Bogan]

Have seen all five of those movies.

[John Holmberg]

A lot. Look, okay, I guess, but maybe there's a. I'm not saying it was an unknown. I'm saying the idea. Yeah, I would have at least asked if I was Johnny Depp. I'm like, show them the movies first. Like, I'd have made movie Night. Like get to watch the marathon and then I'm gonna show up. Maybe they did that.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

But for the most part. Johnny Depp and Jack Sparrow wandering into sick kid ward. A lot of Those kids are 5, 6 years old. To them, it's just some pirate walking some weird dude. So you didn't even have to hire Johnny Depp. You could have done it. Yeah. Just dressed bread up as Jack Sparrow and he wanders through. Howdy. Hold your rum. Did he rum? And then he walks out and. Think that was neat. What happened? Am I cured? No. Well, then it was worse. Was I like that kid that I've created, The one that just goes, is this going to cure me? No. All right, then. Let's get some researchers in here. This is a waste of time. What are we doing? Why'd you hire Johnny Depp? Oh, he volunteered to cure me. No. Let's go. Keep moving. Keep moving. I want you people working round the clock. At least bring in Alan Alda. He was a doctor, for God's sakes.

[Brady Bogan]

Maybe I should mash.

[John Holmberg]

Are you ready?

[Brady Bogan]

Klinger from mash.

[John Holmberg]

Alan Alda from mash. It's Hawkeye. Who the hell is Hawkeye? Look, kids, I'm just here to help out. Now I'm gonna go watch Margaret shower. Yeah, I sound remarkably. A lot like Howard staring. Anyway. It's just a strange thing to me that they do that. And again, these kids, you know, it's. It's. It's for the moms, I think.

[Toledo]

More.

[John Holmberg]

I think we don't talk about that. And it is nice. It's a nice gesture to gussy up in that costume that can't be comfortable and then wander through. But it's a PR shoot for Johnny as well. They brought cameras for a reason. I remember my mom had a friend whose son was tragically stricken with one of those incurable kid cancers. That makes me not Believe in God at all. Terrible. He was a young kid, great kid, too. And I. I remember I was probably 13, 14, and he came to the house and he had just been diagnosed. Little cute, toe headed boy. He was just adorable. And we played baseball in the backyard for a little while. I couldn't hear real well. And. And then he was in the hospital and he was going through a lot of treatment. Treatments. And his mom was wonderful. And his mom came to our house a few days later and said, you're not gonna believe this. And she starts crying when she tells the story. They were in their hospital bed and the kid had just gone through a treatment. And the door cracked open. And he goes, can I come in? She goes, sure. She didn't know who it was. Comes in and he goes, how are you doing, huh? She looked over and it's Robin Williams. And he was just by himself. Pat Chadam showed up before Patch Adam.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

And he just shows up and he sits and chats with the kid. Now, keep in mind, this is. I'm probably. If I was. I was probably 15, so it's like 1987. He's a big deal like everybody. And this is back before you had the fractals of fame. The kids, old people, everybody knew who Robin Williams was. This kid lit up and he spent like 45 minutes in the room with this kid, just joking and tickling and playing and having fun and talking to the mom. And the kid felt great. Kids laughing. He just. He and left. And evidently he used to do that every time he was in a town. And he didn't bring cameras and he didn't call the press and he didn't have. He did it himself.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Show up and he'd be like, I'm here to. Just want to see some of the kids, if you don't mind. And you go up there and he'd start dancing and hanging out. And that was the Patch Adams thing too. It was like, you know, he brought a lot of that kind of same energy to that, evidently before the Patch Adams deal. But that makes me say, that's amazing when I see that it's being filmed. And today it's a little different because you don't know if mom filmed it. And then it went viral and John. But my guess is there was a PR team involved. And this was something to push out.

[Brady Bogan]

For saying, hey, he's a good guy.

[John Holmberg]

And it is a good move. But the second you make it about how great you are, is it about, you know, I'd rather have heard through the grapevine. Johnny Depp dresses up as a pirate now and again, and he doesn't pirate.

[Brady Bogan]

Then he shows up. Hey, kids, here's Tonto.

[John Holmberg]

I'm 3% Cherokee like most hot chicks. If you guys were to live long enough to go to high school, you'd know about the 3% hot chick rule. But you're not gonna make it.

[Brady Bogan]

Here's my honorary membership.

[John Holmberg]

It's. It's probably a blessing that you won't be in high school and have to deal with some high cheekbone girl telling her that her grandfather's Cherokee. Just count your. Count your blessings on the stuff you're gonna miss because of this tumor. Now here's my wife and she's gonna your bed and blame you. I didn't do that. Amber Heard came in with Johnny Depp and she took a. My bed. Likely story. Sicky could have at least hit the bedpan. Jesus Christ, he's really sick. I mean, that's a big turd for a little boy. That's your girlfriend.

[Brady Bogan]

God damn it.

[John Holmberg]

Somebody get this filthy drunk out of here. I just can't. You know, it is a nice gesture, but I'm not so sure. It's like when Chappelle talked about those two kids in 1994 that evidently were the ones that Michael Jackson was raping. And then they came out later and he's like, what seven year old cared who Michael Jackson was in 1994? Like it was 12, 13 years since Thriller came out. The only thing they knew was the most recent one, which was history, and it wasn't very good. They didn't get that excited to go there for. Remember the time off the wall that was. Yeah. Off the wall was 79, for God. These kids didn't know. Why were they. It's because the parents.

[Brady Bogan]

Timeless.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's not. No six year old was like, I love classic Michael Jackson. That's my jam. They're not digging deep into that, going, I want to meet them. Like, I'm so into this. I want to meet them. Yeah, just to me, it's like these, these celebrities that are past that age group.

[Brady Bogan]

The parents.

[John Holmberg]

It's the parents. Yeah, but maybe. I don't know, I just. I just laughed because I'm like, I don't think anybody knows that.

[Brady Bogan]

The fact that you got invited to.

[John Holmberg]

Neverland, by the way, I just got another email. If you win our Slump Buster sales contest, the winner gets a chocolate LeBaron. I think that's fantastic. I think that's great work by our sales crew. Way to look into everything is that if you sell KDKB mornings. So, yeah, the most slump buster sales for KDKB get you a 1997 chocolate LeBaron. But first, clean out that nuke box. God damn it. Susan hates having a dirty nuke box. Great band, man. Nuke box. Dirty nuke box.

[Brady Bogan]

Nuke box hero.

[John Holmberg]

No, you don't want to go. That's too p. That. That's too pun. Maybe Clean. That Dirty Nuke box is a good album. Yeah, there you go. I like that. Also, there's. There's a. Brady sent me a thing yesterday, and it was. Oddly enough, it was about an hour after I had watched the interview of this guy in his hospital bed, and it sparked me. I had my Jussie Smollet antenna up, and I'm like, he's lying. This says, and then Brady sent me. An Internet thing is going around that this passenger 11A and that air India thing is not. Wasn't on the plane. What? Yeah, he escaped the area. And then people are like, what happened? He goes, I just jumped out of the way. And people misunderstood. And then he ran with it. His story is all over the place in the hospital that it's like, wait a minute. That could not have happened. Like, what you're saying is you jumped like it was an inferno and you jumped out before. And then he's like, no, no, it was after. If it was after the flight, like, you would be burnt. You have. No, you're okay. And then they're like, check the flight logs and stuff and see that he's there. And there's some discrepancies on whether or not he was on the plane. Now, again, a lot of this stuff.

[Brady Bogan]

I sent it to you, Brad.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. A lot of this discrepancy stuff is made by Reddit users.

[Brady Bogan]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

So you're not sure if that's true, but when I. It was odd that you sent that, because I had just watched. I hadn't seen anything other than him being walked away from the plane, which I found miraculous. And then I said, and the news is not, like, jumping on this because they're culpable in it. They couldn't have jumped on this survivor story faster. They didn't do any looking into anything. So the dude walks away unharmed, unscathed, and everybody else is dead. And he's telling a story about, like, the chaos and the. Like, it was so detailed. And you're like, why didn't you help anybody? Like, you had. Like, this tells me you had a load of Time before you got off the plane, like you were seeing bodies and burning and this and that.

[Brady Bogan]

No, like, because the initial story that I thought is the guy was, you know, 11A. You knew that. But that happened to be like where the plane opened up and he got ejected.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but he didn't. Because he wouldn't.

[Brady Bogan]

Out of the thing.

[John Holmberg]

This. The.

[Brady Bogan]

Here's the.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Play by play that I'm like, is this real?

[John Holmberg]

Look, watch the. But more so. Yeah. Because this is the video that's causing the conspiracy. But if you watch the interview of him in a hospital bed, it's different than the next one he does. And now I'll tell you this. When my ex wife was in the World Trade center, her first story was a complete fantasy because she went into a dark space after she saw her first dead body. She hadn't evacuated the tower yet, and she saw dead bodies played out on the ground and she went into protection mode and her brain made up this story. So when I first talked to her, she was. None of it made sense. And then later, through a couple therapy sessions, she's like, okay, this. It started to kind of clear itself. And the reality of it wasn't that she was lying, but her. She laid down in a bathtub with her clothes on and put sheets over herself and laid there and. And like kind of hallucinated the next few steps, which was.

[Brady Bogan]

So that was. That was real.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, because then. Because she had to remember, like, where were you? That none of that could have happened. Like, I was there and the tower was collapsing. I'm like, that didn't happen.

[Brady Bogan]

And then what about when she said she came outside?

[John Holmberg]

That is all that was later. Initially the story was around that she was in the tower in her meeting. Yeah. So her brain took her through what was supposed to be a day. And then.

[Brady Bogan]

That's wild.

[John Holmberg]

And then. So she escaped, but it wasn't. And then. And then. No. And then I was standing outside. It was like. It was like, wait a minute. You just. You said you're in. Where were you? I don't know. I don't know where I was. And she was very quick to not make things up. She's like, I have no idea what happened. I'm blacking out. I was on the Brooklyn Bridge. Like, nope, you weren't. And eventually she did walk to the Brooklyn Bridge and then had to walk back. And that's when the tower started to fall. It was crazy. So maybe he's having, you know, delusional. He went through quite a trauma, but.

[Brady Bogan]

According to this story, but it doesn't.

[John Holmberg]

Seem that nothing's adding up because he's.

[Brady Bogan]

And it wasn't, like, much shock involved.

[Toledo]

No.

[Brady Bogan]

It's like he pursued going over.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, watch the interview. Yeah, watch the interview with him. And then watch the second one he does in his hospital bed. And you're like, this dude's telling two different tales.

[Brady Bogan]

So they're saying, Brett, that the reason why he did that is he would get the note to go viral.

[John Holmberg]

Emma, it worked. I feel sorry for the people that upgraded and paid for the 11 a. Or. I know. 11 a seats on Southwest.

[Brady Bogan]

It was an extra 40 bucks.

[John Holmberg]

Want my money back? Yeah. They're saying, you know. And they're. And Jason stuck emails. I agree. There's. There's evidence to the contrary that he was on the plane. It says his brother was in the same row with him. He was on the plane. Right. But they're saying he wasn't. And now there's a conspiracy. And this goes way.

[Brady Bogan]

They also say his name wasn't on the line.

[John Holmberg]

It's way further out if you want to go into the next conspiracy, which was he and his brother were in on crashing this plane, had his ticket. He didn't get on. His brother was on the plane, blew the plane up. He was in the space where it was supposed to hit, where he had planted. I don't buy this. And they had planted some explosives because it happened to hit a building that's normally full of people and it wasn't. And it blows up. It erupts bigger. And then he runs out of there and he's leaving the scene of the crime. I don't buy that one. But that's another theory that's out there because nobody can actually believe that this is what happened. And he just got bounced out of a plane because he would have had.

[Brady Bogan]

Enough so that you look at that explosion.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You don't just jump out, try to jump. We do that at tactical black all the time. They have the airplane, and you try to get out of your seatbelt fast. Just when somebody's trying to punch you. It's. It's impossible.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And to. To be banged open the door and roll out while you saw the plane crash. And if you jumped out before it hit, that's not good. And he said. He said he didn't. But he got a seat belt off. He got the door open. He got. You know, it seems. It seems like it's kind of unraveling a little. When I watched it now, again, the dude could be Just confused as hell. And if his brother's on the plane, they did have all that stuff that says, okay, they were traveling together and whatever and then the next conspiracy starts that they had dummies and like a bomb and they'll figure it all out later. But it is kind of. It's got a cloud over it at the very least. If you listen to his interview, I don't necessarily believe what he said happened, happened, but I don't quite yet think that he wasn't on the plane. But what he's saying is not an accurate retelling because it's impossible. It's, you can say miracle or whatever. It's impossible. It's crazy.

[Brady Bogan]

And there's nothing really that follows up on it. If you're looking in the news, there's, I mean to confirming either way, yeah, this was made up.

[John Holmberg]

Right. It's going to be tough to ever prove or disprove. Yes. But it's. So it's going to be up to like his consistency. A guy named Bootleg just emailed, says, you mean to tell me your ex wife was in the Trade center during the attack? That's insane. Yeah, yeah, it was. And I've. And she made it a bootleg and to tell the joke I've told a million times and we ended up getting divorced later and I met at Al Qaeda for all the wrong reasons. They had a shot at her.

[Brady Bogan]

They missed one.

[John Holmberg]

They missed one. They missed her. So close. All that sympathy poon you imagine. Anyway, yeah. So this, this passenger 11 a thing has taken on a life of its own. And it is, it is to a cynical brain like mine, very hard to hear what he's saying and, and think, yep, probably exactly as it went down, man. It is, it seems wildly improbable that what he's saying actually occurred. Was he on the plane? I'm 50, 50 on it now. But what he's saying didn't happen. There's no way. It's just not, it's not, it's not feasible. And walking away unscathed, like when they show him initially walking out of there. Well, you showed me that the day it happened. We had the morning it crashed while we were on the air and they showed that like this is that I'm like, that can't be the guy because he's just walking and people are following him and there's people around like, yeah, he said this dude was on the plane. It's like there might be others. He's like, no, there's nobody else. They're all gone. It's crazy. And deep down, to be honest, I'm rooting for this to be fabricated. Makes for a better documentary and story later. And that's all I'm really interested in, this world is Netflix documentaries for my enjoyment. Sure, there's human tragedy involved, but I'm not a jerk who sits back and acts like I'm not into that. That's why Netflix, that's why murder podcasts and everything. So everybody else that wants to go Pollyanne and say, homeberg, you're a jerk, then you don't watch them either, because they're all rife with human tragedy. And there's the interest if without that, we're not watching those documentaries. You're not interested in the Karen Reed trial to the degree it's been garnering interest. If that dude didn't have bludgeon marks all over the place and the murder of a man wasn't so goddamn interesting. We love that stuff. I love when I get emails going, that's just an evil way to think that. You want a Netflix documentary. Well, there's gonna be one. There's a whole show called Air Disasters. I love it. I can relate to it. I've traveled. I've been on a plane. It's frightening. It's, you know, to watch all these things go out of the sky for mostly human error. It's terrifying.

[Brady Bogan]

Netflix is buried with documentaries lined up.

[John Holmberg]

To do, like, there's tons, and we eat them like Hershey's Kisses and then act like we're morally above it. Oh, my God, that's so tragic. When the documentary comes out, I won't watch. Bull. Everybody's gonna be watching. And maybe it may be, you know, I'm not saying I'm.

[Brady Bogan]

I think I'd watch the bin Laden one.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's great.

[Brady Bogan]

I watched it and I'm like, wow, you learn a ton.

[John Holmberg]

A ton. And. And I'm always. And here's my weirdness because how much.

[Brady Bogan]

Information were you fed?

[John Holmberg]

Sure, I'm always excited when there's new angles of the planes hitting the Trade Center. There was a couple of new shots. I'm like, haven't seen that one yet. And that's not a good way to have your brain work. But I was. That first shot in the first few minutes of that documentary about bin Laden, they show the plane going, is from behind a firefighter that's just hosing off the side. I'm like, whoa, I haven't seen that one yet.

[Brady Bogan]

And, like, that's no Cessna.

[John Holmberg]

Somebody Knew immediately that wasn't a Cessna. That was a big boy. Anyway, so, yes, if this is true or untrue, it's still going to make for an awesome streaming weekend. Probably three episodes, maybe more. Depends on his history. Hberg's morning sickness. Cuz we find out earlier that he's a. You know, he's a scam artist and he's been pulling little scams and they decided to go for one here. Or that he was coerced.

[Brady Bogan]

Like you were saying if. If it. Oh, I was saying it to you. That if that happened, the guy happened to be working close to that area and the mind thought was.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's the. The working.

[Brady Bogan]

Pull this off.

[John Holmberg]

The working weird conspiracy is. Is that he planted explosives in the building. That was. And his brother blew up the plane. And he knew that. And they had a general idea of the plane, like the end of the Runway. So he's close by and then he jumps off and tells his harrowing tale.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, the black box will.

[John Holmberg]

I don't believe that one. I don't. Well, he didn't hijack.

[Brady Bogan]

You know, there's already.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Talking. There's malfunction again.

[John Holmberg]

Malfunction on an Air India plane. I think Brett can explain that. Everybody on that plane is from it. Absolutely. They can. They can do some hacking on that. Hold on, my friend. Yeah, I'm assuming that that's why they make you turn your phones off when you get on a plane, in case you're an Indian and you don't hack into the cockpit. Because I know they're good at that stuff. When I. I'm so comfortable. When I'm like, hey, I'm having trouble with my Internet and I don't hear. Let me see what we have going on. If I hear, hang on a second, brah, I just hang up and call Quantum back later. Can I get a guy I can barely understand. It's an Internet problem. Well, I can help you. What's your name? Stephen. Pass this on to somebody named Bipob immediately.

[Brady Bogan]

But they do. No matter what, you get iced. Hang on one second.

[John Holmberg]

You have fine with that. And then another guy comes on five minutes later.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay, sorry, I am back.

[John Holmberg]

I like. I like when they don't put you on hold and they're like, hold on for two seconds. Let me. Let me see how your Internet is running. And then you hear him going. And you sit there with quiet. Okay, just a few more seconds. I'm sorry. Breathing in that little mic that comes off his ear.

[Brady Bogan]

They're not doing anything.

[John Holmberg]

No, he's playing Tetris. He's almost done. That square gets me every time. Is your Internet back yet? No. Okay, hold on just a second. I hit the little L once. I'm going to play Qbert now. It's been ages. Bloop, bloop, bloop. I love that little guy, but yeah, I don't want some dude named.

[Brady Bogan]

I like how Brandon working on silent every once in a while.

[John Holmberg]

Thanks, Talon.

[Brady Bogan]

And I'm. Are you still there? Yes, I'm here.

[John Holmberg]

You can hear me. You don't ask those questions, my friend. You can hear me clearly, breathing heavily into your phone. That is how you know I'm still here.

[Brady Bogan]

We will fix this.

[John Holmberg]

Working on it. Okay, you're asking a lot of questions. Please hold.

[Brady Bogan]

Mr. Bratty.

[John Holmberg]

Please do hold, please.

[Brady Bogan]

That would be better if that was Okay.

[John Holmberg]

I am back. Yeah, I like my Internet fixed by Indians. So that plane was filled with IT guys. And if any of them had an iPhone, it could crack it. It's. That's my guess. That would be my. That would be my team. If Will Smith could stop the aliens from invading us with a MacBook, these guys could have stopped the plane. Yeah, the aliens aircraft had to be Mac compatible for that movie to work out. He plugged in with an Ethernet cable and it worked. So if Will Smith can do it, bebop shishwash can too. I'll write the check. Don't worry. 724. What do you got on the big board of musical treats there, Brett? Wake up. Song brought to you by Action Ride Shop. And, well, Action Ride Shop has got the best wrenches in town. We keep telling you about it, but if you need that bike fixed, doesn't matter what you got, you got a huffy, you got a pivot, they got it, they'll take care of you. What is so funny, guys? He's confused his. His regions of the planet. He goes, come on. Air India survivors probably just hiding in the wheel wells of the plane and jumped off last second. That was Afghanistan. Those are different humans. You just follow the map, man. Clyde. All right? They're not riding on the wheel wells unless they're, you know, escaping the tally band. I can't believe I'm even at. Brett, continue. All right, so pedal your ass out of India with a brand new pivot. They got them all in stock right now. Yeah, on a bicycle. I got a new Firebird because the Firebird look ironic that it's a fire, but because look behind me. Ex Ride Shop's got everything in Stock for you. And like I said, best wrenches in town. If you got a bike sitting in the garage and you that get that thing fixed to hit the trails, all you gotta do is bring it on over there. Brand new store over there on power Road and McDowell or the OG we all know about on Gilbert Road. And I would Southern, I would. I would not be able to not laugh even walking into that kind of tragedy if I ran towards that fireball and saw a guy come out going, what? What? They're so close. Did you see that? I am. Wow. Okay. Where is the nearest like Slurpee machine? Because I'm very thirsty for something cool. I've been through a lot of heat. Anyway. What are you gonna do? All right. On the list, Rage Against Machine, Beastie Boys, Metallica, Ghost, Egypt Central, Motley Crue, gnr, Megadeth, Eisley Brothers, between the Sheets for the Slump Buster. Yeah, yeah. Shinedown and Suicidal is playing tonight at the Marquee Theater. Well then you got to do it. Got to do it. Whatever you want to play. Since it's your show. It's concert psyching rock for Brett. Yes. They might even mention you on stage. They might even bring you up. You're good friends with these guys from years and years of stalking. Yep. And it worked. It did work. Brett is proof that bothering a band enough. Eventually they just let you in there because you are. You were such a huge fan of theirs way before radio. Oh yeah. That they knew you before radio. Yeah, yeah. Getting out of junior high and stuff. We would run home to what bothered them in high school. To the point where like, dude, we have two choices. We kill them or we let them in. And they let you in. And now when they're in town, they're like, brett's gonna call. And you did. I did. And they're here. Are you going to lunch or anything? I don't know. We're gonna touch base a little bit. Dodging you. No, no, no. How come they don't come in?

[Brady Bogan]

They were on the phone all.

[John Holmberg]

They never invited him. You? Well, I don't know.

[Brady Bogan]

He was on the phone with him last night. It was like.

[John Holmberg]

I wasn't getting Internet service from him. Hey, yo, Mike, it's Brett. Oh, hi, Brett. How are you? Just leave the phone by the bed. I want to hear you sleep. You want a hot baca? We're giving those away.

[Brady Bogan]

I miss you so much.

[John Holmberg]

I love you guys so much. It's awesome. Medulla. You can't bring me down. Okay, okay. All right. Suicidal Tonight at marquee. And Brett will be there. Brady, are you still going? You send Kirby on her own.

[Brady Bogan]

Go on.

[John Holmberg]

Why you. Are you worried about it? Ronnie will kick his ass if he doesn't.

[Brady Bogan]

I want to see him.

[John Holmberg]

You don't want to see.

[Brady Bogan]

Sure do.

[John Holmberg]

No, you don't. Name name. Just like tyler the creator. What do you want to see? You don't.

[Brady Bogan]

The one we're playing.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah? What's it called? What album was that? What's your favorite rap?

[Brady Bogan]

How will I know? Well, let's save the kids.

[John Holmberg]

How will I know? That's Whitney.

[Brady Bogan]

You can't bring me down.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. Yeah. That's the one I just mentioned. You got any others you want to see?

[Brady Bogan]

You can't bring me down again.

[John Holmberg]

Do you want to hear. Do you want to hear the jam version? Because they. That's. Yeah, that's right. They don't have one, so you're gonna they don't have one, so you're not gonna hear that. That's how you're desiring.

[Brady Bogan]

They might.

[John Holmberg]

You're going for another reason. You don't trust Kirby. No, Ronnie's making.

[Brady Bogan]

I trust Kirby.

[John Holmberg]

Ronnie doesn't trust Kirby.

[Toledo]

No.

[Brady Bogan]

Ronnie. Trust.

[John Holmberg]

All right, then let her go.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't trust the people around her.

[John Holmberg]

Well, then you don't let her out of the house ever.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Why are you allowing her out of the house for school?

[Brady Bogan]

This is a combo. Yeah, I kind of wanted to see suicide.

[John Holmberg]

I've known you so long. You do not want to see suicide just as much as you want to go see Tyler the creator. Because I know you. I've known you for three decades. It's. It's. It. It pains me to say it. You don't. You've never once gone. God, that band is see them. You've never had it on in your car. You've never, like, sought it out.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You're going for another reason. You're not telling us the whole story here.

[Brady Bogan]

It's like having a catch with my daughter, you know?

[John Holmberg]

No, it's not. She doesn't want you there. Sounds like Brady's chaperoning a date tonight. You talk to her about it?

[Brady Bogan]

Maybe a little chaperone.

[John Holmberg]

She doesn't want to hurt your feelings and say no.

[Brady Bogan]

I told her you didn't want to take a couple other yes friends, and she said yes. Like, caitlyn's the only one that wants to go.

[John Holmberg]

So the ticket goes to waste if you don't go because she can't get another person to Go.

[Brady Bogan]

She could find two more.

[John Holmberg]

All right, well, then let her have it.

[Brady Bogan]

Maybe she will.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not buying something here or something going on, but I.

[Brady Bogan]

There is part of me that kind of wants to.

[John Holmberg]

No, there isn't. Yeah.

[Toledo]

Zero.

[John Holmberg]

Part of you. None of you has ever once in your life said suicidal tendencies on my list.

[Brady Bogan]

Why wouldn't I see something that loves this the whole time and see what it. You know, it's like checking out.

[John Holmberg]

What are you trying to bang, Brad? Who cares?

[Brady Bogan]

Well, sometimes you're like, you have a friend that really likes this.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Band. Like, I would have never gone to 21 pilots.

[John Holmberg]

Right?

[Brady Bogan]

And I went. And I was man. Pleasantly.

[John Holmberg]

You went with adults.

[Brady Bogan]

No, Kirby.

[John Holmberg]

Kirby and Billy. And Billy put you up next to the stage, and you had a different.

[Brady Bogan]

That was Paramore.

[John Holmberg]

Oh. Oh, yeah. You guys are missing it. What? It's another B.B. jones situation. He wants to steal Mike from Brett.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm there to get. Mike's done.

[John Holmberg]

That aspect. You have an in with the celebrity, and he can't handle it. And he wants to be in that, too. I see you're trying to see Larry. Now you're gonna try to see Celebr. C block. That's it.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm gonna get Mike's number.

[John Holmberg]

I want to hear you breathe at night, too. I get it. Now. That does make sense. Hey, you like Barbecue Toledo's, right? I get you a smoker. Bro, you never got us a smoker. I am the champion celebrity friend. Now it makes sense. He's gonna hound you, Dodge Brady. Oh, you know it. Because he's gonna hound you to get backstage and special treatments. I see you're toast. Preseason in for free. Ah.

[Brady Bogan]

Ah.

[John Holmberg]

You don't know this song. And you don't know anything about this band. Something else going on. That. That's a good theory right there. Brett Tonight. Brett can get him in. Yeah, and they're good because he doesn't want to offend you. If they suck, he won't say so.

[Brady Bogan]

I'll say.

[John Holmberg]

No, you won't. Three stars. It's Suicidal Tendencies concert psyching rock for this evening at Marquee. And Brett will be there, flashing his chaos. Yes, my man on display, showing those nips flippers on Mike and the gang and suicidal. It's 98 KUPD. Wake them up, boys.

[Toledo]

Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.

[John Holmberg]

You thought that was funny? You were laughing like a hyena when he said it.

[Brady Bogan]

What the hell is wrong with you?

[John Holmberg]

Just got another email. Congratulations to our sales department moment. I Think Jill won? I didn't even know last month's contest, but she just got a trip around Lake Erie on the Cleveland steamer. So I think it's gonna be awesome. We got her out there. Another great sales promotion downstairs to go along with this month's slump buster. I still can't believe that's a thing. Anywho, what are you gonna do? Jill's gonna have a great time. She earned that Cleveland steamer. Brett, when you see her, congratulate her. And I hope that. I hope it's. I hope it's not too hot, because nothing worse than a hot Cleveland steamer.

[Brady Bogan]

She can catch some walleyes.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, Brady, you're taking it too literally. She's not going to go on the. There's no such boat.

[Brady Bogan]

I know you don't know that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, I do know there's no Cleveland steamer. If it is, it's a joke boat and drunk guys own a bass boat or a ski.

[Brady Bogan]

Great idea.

[John Holmberg]

It is a great name for a boat. It is if you're up in that area. If you're in area, the lake area. And also if you're up in the Lake Erie area, consider killing yourself. What a horrible place to live. It's a terrible, terrible option. Don't, Brady. Cleveland sucks. Nope.

[Brady Bogan]

Lake Erie's pretty fun.

[John Holmberg]

Lake Erie is. There are so many good lakes you pass to get to Lake Erie. Look, you know what the worst part about Lake Erie is? On the shores. Cleveland the only. You gotta land. Yeah. You gotta leave Cleveland.

[Brady Bogan]

Catawba.

[John Holmberg]

Better still. Lake Michigan. Better. You're close enough. Go to that one. I believe there's four other awesome lakes that you could go to if you're going to the great Lakes. There's the four great lakes in Lake Erie. That's what I say. Never been to Erie, Pennsylvania. I have lake ain't so pretty there.

[Brady Bogan]

A lot of canals.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's ugly. Cleveland steamer raised arguing with me about Cleveland because the joke of Cleveland steamer. It's named that for a reason. Because when you have one on your chest, it reminds you of Cleveland. It's time for the Brady report. And it's brought to you by our friends at all pro shade concepts. Shade is important right now. It's going to be for the next four or five months. You want shade in your yard? If you've got a space, you're like, man, that patio. We never use it because it's so hot all the time. You can drop Those temperatures about 20 degrees, especially in the early evening hours. That shade hits and you can actually enjoy summer evenings in your backyard because the shade helps out. 95% of the sun's UV rays get knocked out by all pro shades. And you can do that right now. Cut down on dust and wind. They're electronic. They suck themselves back in if it starts getting too windy. They're. They're kind of self aware that they're shades and they can be damaged by wind. So they take care of their own. Check it [e-mail] and get it started right now. Brady reported.

[Brady Bogan]

Good Friday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello world. We've made it. Happy national take your dog to work day.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man, I didn't do that normally. I would bring bus on that. By the way, I just found out I was a little bit wrong about the Cleveland steamer trip. Joe won a variation of the Cleveland steamer and Susan just wanted to clear that up. She emailed me. She said, no, it's just the rim job. They're only going around the outside. Yeah, she's doing the rim job. Cleveland steamer. Excellent work, Bryce.

[Brady Bogan]

Couple of basis fun facts. Orcas are a natural predator of moose.

[John Holmberg]

They eat because moose swim sometimes.

[Brady Bogan]

Can actually swim slightly faster than Michael Phelps.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they. All right. You're big on this. Yeah. They get in the water a lot.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

See those moose swimming.

[Brady Bogan]

They can even dive for food.

[John Holmberg]

Really? I'd like to see that. Watch this. Rocky. Holy Christ. I'm going down for some fish. Wait, that sounds bad.

[Brady Bogan]

Someone pat.

[John Holmberg]

We all like going down for fish every once in a while. Bullwinkle. But not like that. Gee, what do you run the sales department at Hubbard, Filthy mouth.

[Brady Bogan]

Someone patented the process for surgically turning an animal into a unicorn in 1982.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I remember. That was like a goat or something. Didn't they just jam a horn on a. They took a goat horn and stuffed it on a white horse.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, so they had horrible process and they.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they. If I recall correctly, it was more than just a rubber band. They surgically fused it to the thing's skull.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That horse wanted that. Can we do that now with like genetic stuff? Can't we create that at this point where we take like a white horse and a goat and make it grow a horn? I don't know, like PRP or something. Never grown horns. No, I know, but you're gonna add in a little goat DNA. Like the horn. Take some extract a little horn and shove it in there and be on the side, Right? Maybe. I mean, you're gonna have a few goofs, but we have that with humans. Too. It's not like we all come out perfect. That's true. We do try to stir the pot. Some. Some humans have little horns and take their DNA. And I don't know, I try to.

[Brady Bogan]

Do it with, like, a greater kudu or something with the spiral horn.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, those. Yeah, those are those African deer, right?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. Hot dogs may have gotten their name because people in the 1800s suspected that sausages were stuffed with dog meat.

[John Holmberg]

By the way, I just got another email about our sales winner, Jill. For her contest for last month, she got the rim job on the Cleveland Steamer, which is fantastic. But also, I didn't realize this. She got some new VR Indian goggles to see the whole thing. It's gonna be amazing.

[Toledo]

Those are.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, those are unbelievable. Her season's on fire this morning. These are some great promotions we got down there in the sales department. You win a set of Indian goggles, and I think it's the Indian motorcycle people have created VR to recreate the experience. Yeah, that's it. That's what I think. I don't know, but that's what I heard. Enjoy your rim job on the Cleveland steamer, Joe. Looking at a whole thing through Indian goggles.

[Brady Bogan]

Summer officially starts today. This also means it's the longest day of the year. It got light in the Northern hemisphere. They're saying today is the summer solstice. Takes place tonight at exactly 10:42 Eastern. So 7:42 our time.

[John Holmberg]

I think the first official day of summer is 19th. Like yesterday.

[Brady Bogan]

And then it marks the moment the earth fits. Tilts.

[John Holmberg]

Fits. Where we're stuffing it in a thing. Okay. Yes, I seen the news was going on about it yesterday. It does say today. 7:42 marks the.

[Brady Bogan]

The.

[John Holmberg]

The Northern hemisphere. I heard today is one second longer than. Than yesterday. Sun than tomorrow. Yeah, it starts ticking down.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

No, we just built up. Every day's been getting longer and longer, and now they're going to get shorter and shorter till we go through it all over again.

[Brady Bogan]

Kroger is celebrating the start of summer. Should be fries here by giving away 92,000 free pints of ice cream.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, that's perfect for your slump Buster Grooming. The poster says so downstairs. Did we post the poster? No. We're probably in trouble if we do, but we should. Yeah, I think I'm staying away. Trouble for what?

[Brady Bogan]

I forgot my checkbook.

[John Holmberg]

I got it. I'll cover. I got you. You post, I buy.

[Brady Bogan]

There's this. We got another fake dentist that got busted. Czechoslovakian dude. 22 years old. Opened up a clinic who goes to.

[John Holmberg]

A 22 year old dentist anyway?

[Brady Bogan]

Pretty young. He's a go getter. He graduated from ua.

[John Holmberg]

Went so fast. Yeah, let's expedite that. He's on the fast track. One of those immediate gratification doctors.

[Brady Bogan]

Two years ago he opened it up the clinic that is extracted some teeth, performed complex root canals, applied anesthesia.

[John Holmberg]

That's illegal for that dentist.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, scary too. Yeah. Did most of the procedures by you know. Googling.

[John Holmberg]

Hey.

[Brady Bogan]

And getting the. The procedures.

[John Holmberg]

Look, we laugh at that successful look every. Clearly not or you wouldn't be talking about this. The information is a license. But it's always been out there before Internet. You could at least take the time to read all the books and learn it. It's. The information's there but there's a process. You have to go get licensed. I mean I can't just open a restaurant. I gotta get some paperwork.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. He did a little over about $200,000 worth of work.

[John Holmberg]

On one guy?

[Brady Bogan]

No, just over the two year period.

[John Holmberg]

Going to say Holy meth mouth. Was he in an office or a days in.

[Brady Bogan]

Out of his house?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Backyard somebody. Yeah. Cuz if your dentist requires a doorbell to get it, you probably shouldn't go to that dentist. Can you buzz me in please? Sorry, I was sleeping. I was playing some video games. What do you need? My God. Oh yeah. Hold on. Let me go clean the kitchen. Let me hit pause real quick. Can I finish? I'm almost. I'm about to level up. There is a video on YouTube. Of course there's a video. There's all the information has always existed. It's easier now than ever.

[Brady Bogan]

He was able. One of the ladies that was helping him.

[John Holmberg]

Tough to watch, right? Wow.

[Brady Bogan]

One of the family members that was helping him had access to be able to get some of the equipment.

[John Holmberg]

There you go. And when did you ever use Banaka? Sometimes. You want a hot binoco finger on the extract screw head? If you want. I mean I watched my shoulder surgery online. He's got a ratchet.

[Brady Bogan]

Does that say snap on on the side of it? Oh yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh. It's mostly Craftsman tools. The X ray machine is what I would question in the home office. Oh yeah?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. I'm not sure if he had that.

[John Holmberg]

Well, if he's. People are going to him for root canals. I would want an X ray first.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, let's make sure. Take it out.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Pretty sure. I need you to take a couple photos there Ansel Adams and make sure that this thing is what we say it is. He Going to go next door. You know how your dentist goes into the next room? I'm not saying I need Annie Leibowitz's work, but I want a photo, bro. I got an app on my iPhone. No problem. This thing's amazing, bro. Hold on. I got to consult chat. GPT. I don't know which tooth this is. The one lady, polish some rocks that look like teeth. I can jam that in the hole.

[Brady Bogan]

The one lady was the family member, was able to get a hold of some of the equipment.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

And the other was his uncle or something. He basically put the glue together. Yeah, he'd make the molds.

[John Holmberg]

I'll tell you what this is. This is a kid whose dad left. This is Toledo. This could have been Toledo. His mom loved him too much, never said no, and bought him a bunch of dental equipment and stuff. You're learning so much. I think you've earned it. He's so smart. If he applies himself, he'd be a real dentist. But I'm just gonna let him do it at home. Yeah, it's the. It's the mom that wants to be best friends with her son and never says no. And the next thing you know, he's got DDS written on your mailbox.

[Brady Bogan]

I've got a quick Wild World.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Yep.

[Brady Bogan]

Hello, my friends. Brady Bogan here with your Wild Wild.

[John Holmberg]

World's morning sickness in Hong Kong.

[Brady Bogan]

We've got a disgruntled monkey.

[John Holmberg]

There's not just one.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, well, this one particular one is. There was a banner put up in the park that says, do not feed the monkeys. And the monkey went over there, and he's tearing down the banner.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he can read. Oh, my God. He is.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

They have photos of him absolutely wrecking the don't feed me signs. Oh, my God. A fixed penalty. It says, In August of 2024, illegal feeding of the animals will result in fixed penalty of up to 100,000. And it has a dollar sign, so I don't even know if that's that their money. And then it says at the bottom of it says, trip reap. I don't know. He signed it. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

It's a lot of hand over there. They're putting a heavy fine.

[John Holmberg]

Susan's on there saying, if you're gonna feed the monkeys, clean the nuke box.

[Brady Bogan]

That's your Wild, Wild World.

[John Holmberg]

A lot of crazy going on this building right now. That microwave oven created a. That's the meanest meal we've ever got. Firestorm. That would. There was some pure fury in that clean the microwave, email and rightfully so. I have had it. Clean it. Don't be pigs.

[Brady Bogan]

A new study at the University of British Columbia found a simple trick might encourage people to recycle more. Bunch of states pay you to turn in bottles and cans anywhere from 2 cents to 15 cents depending on the type of container. But even 15 cents isn't much. But a study looked at what would happen if the places skipped the normal payouts and used a lottery system. Instead of 10 cents each bottle gave people 1 in 10,000 chance. You give them a 1 in 10,000 chance to win $1,000 lottery.

[John Holmberg]

Bottles is not a bad idea.

[Brady Bogan]

It worked.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

They're doing it now in a couple of provinces in Canada in there.

[John Holmberg]

That's a good idea because nobody's going to break their neck for a nickel. That's a good idea. If you recycle all your cans and you take all your cans to a place.

[Brady Bogan]

Norway has implemented that in their lottery based recycling system. You can win prizes worth one in a hundred thousand dollars. One thousand to one hundred.

[John Holmberg]

That's great. I like that a lot. And it makes it even for people who don't care about recycling. Me and I'd actually participate when you're with all your cardboard recently. All my cardboard and every Coke can. I mean imagine.

[Brady Bogan]

This is hard to believe but they're saying it's become so popular that Norway's recycling rate is close to 100%.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. The reason I'm a cynic about recycling is because when they got serious about the earth and needing to recycle, that's about the time that just about everything I'd ever known about plastic changed. And then they put everything in a plastic bottle. It was like the most we were told plastic is terrible. It's everywhere. It's awful. And then our water. Yeah. You had no choice. You had no choice. Every. I didn't ever have a bottle of water when I was a kid. Ever.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Back when we were evidently ruining the world with plastic. I never held was never once in my hands.

[Brady Bogan]

You had quality drinking fountains in your school.

[John Holmberg]

Now six, seven times a day I'm chucking a water bottle in the trash. So if plastic was the enemy before we used it a lot. We sure did do a weird thing when we hated it by making everything plastic. It would pop. I mean it used to be the glass bottles and stuff. Yeah. Aluminum and plastic are ruining the earth. Put everything in that. What? Yeah. The newspapers were the big thing that was gonna destroy our those stubby glass soda bottles with a styrofoam wrapper around it? Kinda. No. Yeah, the old Pepsi bottles. You peel the Styrofoam wrapper off and stuff Styrofoam label on it. No. Yeah, you remember those. Wait, Pepsi had Styrofoam cans? No, the label was. The bottle was like Styrofoam around the bottle. It wasn't printed on the bottle.

[Brady Bogan]

The foam label.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it was kind of foamy. But was it glass inside? Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, those.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that was like Styrofoam around it because it was so easy to peel off. I'm thinking that was encased in stuff. The label was just that weird. Yeah.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And everybody made a mess with them. Now I gotcha. Okay. Yeah. What happened to that? I don't know. Did that kill a bunch of hawks or frogs or something? I don't bring it back for the lottery. Or you can buy one on eBay for 95. Unopened. Yeah. Oof. Yikes. I would immediately buy that and accidentally peel off that label. I couldn't help it.

[Brady Bogan]

It's like a koozie.

[John Holmberg]

It isn't, though. It's so thin and useless. It's just a. It's a. Buy some crystal Pepsi. Yeah. Ooh, I thought you could still get that. I don't know. It's a fiddle farts nightmare is what it is. You can't pick a corner off and then not do the peel. Yep. Now I know what you're talking about. Then they have those plastic things that the cats. The rings that held it together. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

The hands.

[John Holmberg]

Those things have cut your hair. Oh, yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

It's just weird to me, though, the plastic bottles of water. And I watch commercials for, like, the ocean's gonna be more plastic than it is water in the next 50 years. I'm like, well, we should stop bottling up all this water. We can't drink the water. It's unsafe. We got no choice here. One or the other. You're not giving me options. One or the other. I gotta have water. Water. And the oceans are. Now we put them in plastic bottles. I guess you just put it in palm of my hand.

[Brady Bogan]

And now it's time for some science news.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady Bogan]

Hello, my friends. Professor Brady Bogan here with your science news. SpaceX exploded another one of its starship rockets on Wednesday. Oh, man.

[John Holmberg]

It's a cool one, too. It's a big explosion, static fire that Indian ran away from. I was on the. I was on the rocket, too.

[Brady Bogan]

Like Slim picking.

[John Holmberg]

He was in the rocket as well. Yes. I rode it and it blew up. And here I am. Look. I am. I am unbreakable. I am. Oh, that was another close one that was in seat 11A on the rocket.

[Brady Bogan]

By the way, didn't know this. Yes, 11A Honda landed its own reasonable reusable rocket. Didn't know they were building rockets.

[John Holmberg]

And then what? It mowed the land.

[Brady Bogan]

There's a up to a 40 chance we've discovered a ninth planet.

[John Holmberg]

Where's that at?

[Brady Bogan]

It's called Pluto planet.

[John Holmberg]

No, that's not a planet anymore.

[Brady Bogan]

It's hiding in our solar system.

[John Holmberg]

Planet X. I've been to planetx.com chicks are a little bit thick, but I like it.

[Brady Bogan]

The European Space Agency hopes to have a base on Mars by 2040.

[John Holmberg]

So there's a 40 chance we found a planet. Which means 60 of the scientists are like, no.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, yeah, this.

[John Holmberg]

That's a planet. Yeah. Pluto is not a planet anymore, Toledo. It's a dwarf planet. Yeah. And that doesn't count as planet. The dwarf is a dwarf planet. A dwarf star. They're not sure. Yeah, they don't. It's still a planet to me. That's what I learned in to me.

[Brady Bogan]

What I heard and forth.

[John Holmberg]

When I hear them say it's not a real planet because it's a dwarf, I always wonder what Brad Williams thinks. That's not a real human. Dwarf. Human.

[Brady Bogan]

It's a good point. You should bring that up to the scientists there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't talk to a lot. Not like I'm banging down their door. Hey, usually I'm gonna tell you this, Brady. It's not a good move for me to go in with my guns ablazing to the scientist community because I'm pretty sure sure they're gonna be right and I'm gonna. Idiot.

[Brady Bogan]

All right, listen up.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, I came up with something. Hear me out. What's up, pricks. Listen to this. Yeah, I got an idea. You shut the door. This guy's an idiot.

[Brady Bogan]

Researchers at Northwestern came up with an algorithm that makes fitness trackers more accurate for people who are obese. The bigger you are, the more calories you burn. But most fitness trackers. Trackers don't factor that in.

[John Holmberg]

So it's to make fat people feel better about not doing as much. But they put more holes on the wristband so they can actually fit it over those hooves. They burn more calories because. Yeah, because Brett's right. They're taking in four to 5,000 a day. So their bodies are like, we gotta burn this off. By the way, I just found out that that recycling lottery is run by Dave Pratt. No one ever actually. It's fake. No one actually. It's like with the Diamondbacks. 50 50. Been to that Ballpar park a hundred times. I've participated in the 50 50. Never once when they announced the winner have I heard a scream from the crowd. And you'd think Father's Day it was up to $600,000. If somebody just won 300,000 bucks. You'd hear a news. You'd hear somebody. I never ever once have heard anyone win the 5050 lottery at any sporting event.

[Brady Bogan]

A team in Scotland was able to detect light passing through an entire human head head for the first time.

[John Holmberg]

And then they immediately got a job in radio sales.

[Brady Bogan]

They say it could open new doors for brain imaging.

[John Holmberg]

Cool. They can shove a light all the way through to where it shoots out the other side of your head. Yeah. I saw this on Looney Tunes. Yeah, but that. That can't. That's got to cause loads of cake. There isn't. We haven't discovered burning something out again.

[Brady Bogan]

It was in Scotland.

[John Holmberg]

So Scottish scientists. That's an oxymoron. Same people that still look for the Loch Ness monster. That's right. We believe in Nessie. You get off our back. Ye prick bastard. No boy's gonna stand there and make my son a homo. I will shoot light through your head until it glows out the other side. What? Well, we figured out how to look through someone's head with light. The problem is it caused massive carcinoma.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. It's called death.

[John Holmberg]

That's called dying. I know how to make light go through Brady's head. And that's poking a hole through it with a 12 gauge. See me now, We've been making holes in people's heads since the Stone Age. No one. No. You're nay gonna make my boy a homo. And that's your science news Favorite Scottish phrase of all time. Time. You'll nail. You'll nay make my boy a homo. An actual quote.

[Brady Bogan]

There's a beer exchange bar in China where the prices fluctuate according to demand in real time. Like the stock market. It's supposed to be a fun thing. There's a large circular display in the middle showing the current prices rising. Beer prices are in red and the falling ones are in blue. Prices can only fluctuate by 10% every day, so there can't be any serious market manipulation. On a weekly basis, the bar can adjust the prices around 20%. So the whole design is to get people to try different Beers?

[John Holmberg]

Sure.

[Brady Bogan]

At a lower price at work. Here.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no, this one's on. You can't read this. It's too many C words. Oh, send it over. No, no, it says send it over. This one dies in the pile. No one will ever know about that again.

[Brady Bogan]

Got a couple of radio videos.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady Bogan]

First one's a little work accident.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady Bogan]

Working the pallet jack.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, hang on, I'll get it. I watched a guy working one of those things the other day at the Circle K while I was getting gas and he was pulling Pepsi out of the back of a truck, and he forgot to. When he was on the platform that lowers and raises to the base of the truck, he stood inside the semi and lowered it somehow, and the whole thing went to the ground. And he realized his folly as it was about a third of the way down, and he just jumped off the back of the truck, landed it. That's a good jump, too. I mean, that's like. These things are high. Like eight or nine feet, I'm thinking. I don't know. Is it that high? Maybe about six. But he just kind of bounced off and landed on that. I'm like, geez, that made my knees hurt. But wasn't the brightest bulb in the force.

[Brady Bogan]

This happens pretty quick.

[John Holmberg]

He's working the pallet jack. Oh, man. I think he did that on purpose.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

That looks like he's trying to jump it.

[Brady Bogan]

No, it started going, and he.

[John Holmberg]

Never meaning no harm. He just went shooting over the top of that. That's neat. What's he hit on?

[Brady Bogan]

His face.

[John Holmberg]

The front of it just. He went off the ledge. Yeah. Oh, it's on an angle. Yeah, it's like a dog.

[Brady Bogan]

On the ramp of the truck.

[John Holmberg]

And then the front wheels stick, and the back ones keep going and flip them. That's neat.

[Brady Bogan]

Forgot to hit the lower. Lower the plat.

[John Holmberg]

That's pretty good.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay, this one's a little motorcycle accident. Oh, here's a family of three on.

[John Holmberg]

The first motorcycle going by Toledo's Nation.

[Brady Bogan]

You see the truck with the little truck?

[John Holmberg]

There's a long bed with a.

[Brady Bogan]

Watch this. And I'm gonna say, he's done.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, let me explain what just happened. What happened? There's a flatbed with a back end. As it's either metal, it's like a tailgate. And it looks very thin. And the motorcycles are trying to go around this thing. Thing. One guy doesn't see it, and it cuts his head pretty much off. There's a lot of blood. It hits the jugular well, listen, metal roofing. What are you doing on the Internet, man? Where are you? You're on a list. Where are you? You are definitely on a list. I like that. The doctors in the comments were like, Koda's femoral artery. That's your leg.

[Brady Bogan]

Good catch.

[John Holmberg]

Thanks. Thanks. Talon.

[Brady Bogan]

He's doing dentistry in his backyard. The last one's a road rage incident, and the title of it explains it pretty good. Road rage. Karen learns painful lesson.

[John Holmberg]

Well, she tries to attack someone. All right? She skids to a stop on a snowy street. There's a truck parked to the right. She's in a blue car. The red. Oh, here we go. She's mad. Oh, she's yelling at the guy behind her. He walks up to the car. The passenger of the car that she's attacking has just gotten out. He's walking around to the angry lady at the driver's side. Oh, here. She's confronting him. She gets in his face, and she's going nuts, screaming at everybody. I don't even know what's going on. Oh, she takes a swing at him. Oh, he's got no problem hitting the lady. He's got no problem. Loses the door on her.

[Brady Bogan]

Good day.

[John Holmberg]

Backs up and tries to.

[Brady Bogan]

I mean, slamming.

[John Holmberg]

No problem hitting a woman. And. And you know what? You don't know what she's got. You got to defend yourself. She swung first. This dude breaks all the rules of, you never hit a woman. Oh, she connected first. Oh, she swung and nailed him. Yeah, but it was a typical girl punch, and it didn't do any damage. Yeah, no, it was a sucker punch on top of it. He just came over to try to calm her down. She loses it. I ain't driving crazy. You're on my goddamn ass. I went to another lane.

[Toledo]

Get out of my way.

[John Holmberg]

Swings. When he walks away and he's done. He throws a right, a left, picks her up and slams her on her head. F around and find out. Brit has no issues with the morality of that. Nope. F around and find out. He should have just stayed in the car. Right, Right. Rolled the windows up and let the crazy lady yell at his car. Instead, he killed her. I mean, that dude, it was. It was a. I'm not going to hit a woman. And then two seconds later, like, no, I'm going to turn her lights out. I'm not going to hit her. Just once. Like, it went from I don't hit women to I don't hit him three times. By the second punch, she's dizzied enough to Grab her by her thighs and flip her over onto her head. Wow. All right, we got to change that rule. Never, ever hit a woman unless she hit you. Like that. That crazy person. She was going to kill somebody. Yeah. That was horrifying, but very funny to watch. Watch the battle. So easily won. That was a battle. She took a swing. The guy.

[Brady Bogan]

The guy's still in his pajamas.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he looked like he was in really cozy clothes. Jeans at first, but you hear the punch hit him. Him. And he's just like, what? And he turns around, unfazed.

[Brady Bogan]

Lady, we're just going to breakfast.

[John Holmberg]

She swung as hard as she could, and the dude was like, ow. And then he turned around and finished her.

[Brady Bogan]

He was like, ow.

[John Holmberg]

Ow. I don't know what that. Why did you do that?

[Brady Bogan]

It was a loud, sweaty.

[John Holmberg]

It was a big hit, and it didn't do any damage at all. She's got to recognize. I think too many ladies like that. Think the movies. Well, yeah. Well, there's a lot of Charlize Theron's fault in this is that they think one punching dudes will knock them cold. Even consider. Yeah. Oh, no, there's a lot of that. That woman power thing where they think if they punch a guy, he'll go to sleep because that's what Charlize does. But when you hit a guy, I think they're. I think there are too many people that are resting on the idea that it's never okay to hit a woman. And that's true.

[Brady Bogan]

Not everyone's black widow ladies, but not.

[John Holmberg]

All guys feel that way. And you don't want to find out. Like Brett said, mess around and find out that he has no problem with that law or rule. It's like, I'll hit a woman. I have no problem with that.

[Brady Bogan]

Tell me where I'm wrong. She hit me.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but you don't want to find out you just ran into a guy who's got no problem with it. You punch me in the face, I'm like, I can't hit a woman. I might try to hold her arms, you know? Oh, but I'm not going to punch her. This guy, he's raised different. No, no, no. F. Around and find out. Brett's people don't have a problem. Hey, what are you going to do with the old one, too?

[Brady Bogan]

What are you going to do?

[John Holmberg]

All right, Brett, what do you got? All right, well, it's Friday, so we got some gems. Oh, by the way, the fitness tracker for fat people. Brady's got it's. It's on sale right now. If you want to go online. It's at. It's. It's at Fitbit. Oh, honey dot com, if you're interested. Yeah, that's going. All right, let's start out with this. I don't even know what this is. It's a dominatrix who've. Who's encased this man's testicles in some sort of a. Like a clamp.

[Brady Bogan]

A. Yeah, there's a clamp.

[John Holmberg]

And she is talking to him about something while she tries to add more to the. The penis is very small, but the balls are being swelled up by the clamp pretty heavily. Now she's taking a needle, one of those. There's a lot of this going on. See a lot of these. And she's right into the top of the penis. She is inserting what looks to be a very long acupuncture needle. And that's the noise you make when that happens.

[Brady Bogan]

That's a crying guy.

[John Holmberg]

To just squirt right. That is the noise you make when your penis gets acupuncture and it's just bleeding like crazy. And that's only one, I bet. Yeah, you're filling up it. It takes in some blood. Oh, she. She's not done.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, she went.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's all the way through there. The corona.

[Brady Bogan]

Like, she didn't go top to.

[John Holmberg]

No, it threw the corona into his pelvis because the stubby penis is not far enough away for the acupuncture needle not to hit him in the pubis. This one's what's wrong with humanity. This one's entitled Grandpa needs a New Hobby. Okay. Grandpa has a camera somewhere in his body, and it's with some sort of plastic speculum that's opening up. I like the Masterpiece Theater music. Yeah. And I don't know what hole you said Grandpa.

[Brady Bogan]

Is that the dwarf planet?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's it. It does look like we're looking into space. Okay. A little bit. What hole are we looking in? I can only imagine one. Oh, he's gonna poop on us, isn't he? That's a butt. It's a woman. No, that's a fella. I got you guys. Oh, and then he licks it. He takes it out and he licks it. And he's in Grandma's laundry. He's not done yet. He's opening the hole again, and it's real close to the camera. We got us a filthy rosebud. Oh, he's in 100. He's in 100. Control of his Butt. Oh, it's seeping some sort of a strange.

[Brady Bogan]

That's liquid rose.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. It's just pouring out of him now. Oh, there's so much. It just looks like a wadded piece of gum. Wow. It's a whole pack. All right. Damn it. I hate Friday.

[Brady Bogan]

Celebrating the longest day.

[John Holmberg]

I hate Friday so much. All right, here, Brady, how about a milkshake? Jesus, everything's terrible. There's a lady on. On all four. She's spreading her bottom open, and they're pouring milk in. They're pouring milk into her bottom.

[Brady Bogan]

Looks like there's whole milk.

[John Holmberg]

All right, this guy's breathing, too. Okay, his whole hand just went in, and it's now playing with the milk.

[Brady Bogan]

Let's shaking it up.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, that's enough. Oh, God. That's a. Now go through the goofy stuff. Yeah. Okay, here we go. Oh, now she's got milk pouring out of her, and he's just smacking it around. But wait, there's more milk does a body good, by the way. Still. Oh, now she just shoots milk across the. Never stay in that hotel. Oh, my God. Where is that? Is that. At the El Cortez, buddy. Craig stays there. Oh, yeah. That's why EL Cortez is 1995 and not night. Wow. You were talking about drinking fountains earlier that shot out a good two feet. Yeah, it did. All right. Oh, my God. What is. Okay, there's a lady pooping in a drinking fountain in public. Good God. I hate Fridays. I like the THX music.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, look at that.

[John Holmberg]

That's a lot. That's a lot. Into a public drinking. Yeah, there's not much with this one. That's all we need really is. I mean, wow. Wow. And then we'll just finish with this one. One more. Man, oh, man. All right. We're at a Cannibal Corpse concert. Yeah, kind of. They have that song after. I can. After the night. Yeah. All right. All right. Oh, God. It's a song called After With a Knife by Cannibal Corpse. And now another stubby penis, man. A little too thick for his own good. That's him. Some of that just visceral fat. Oh, he's peaceful. Put a steak knife in it. And he's. And he's having sex with the blade end of a steak knife in his. In his urethra. Okay. I hate it. I hate America. Will you say we found a new planet? Can I buy a ticket to get there? I want off. That's it. I want off. I want off. Now. We've Got it. We've got a guest that actually I want to talk to today. You know, a guest I really, I admire greatly because he's, you know, he's part of my, you know, zeitgeist. He's in my world of favorite things. He's from Curb youb Enthusiasm. Jeff Garland is here. And this is. This is how we greet him. For God's sake. We got others we could show him. This is. This is great. Like, this is. We've rounded out a lot of the cast of curb youb enthusiasm. JB's been here. We had Bob Einstein when he was alive, Richard Lewis when he was alive, Jeff Garland. And I don't know if Jeff heard that, but there's a trend developing when you're a guest of the show and you were uncurved enthusiasm, you don't. They don't last much longer. So hopefully Jeff's got a lot, a lot of life left to live. But we'll put. We'll put that to the test. Jeff Garland joins us in just a little bit. There goes your Brady Report. It's 98, Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.

[Brady Bogan]

You thought that was funny?

[John Holmberg]

You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell? It's wrong with you? Look at this. This is an honor. This is an honor for me because.

[Brady Bogan]

Story time.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, beyond that, one of my favorite television shows and favorite you, Jeff Garland is, by the way, Jeff Garland, Desert Ridge Improv Tonight. Tomorrow, Desert Ridge improv.com. first time you've been on our show? We've been on for 24 years. What? First off, why have you been dodging.

[Toledo]

Okay, the last time I performed here was in the early 90s at the Tempe.

[John Holmberg]

Really?

[Toledo]

Yes. The last time I was here was 10 years ago. 10 years ago for my brother's 50th birthday. My brother went to ASU. Okay, so some of his best friends live here, so.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So you were on Curb your Enthusiasm. You've been around for doing stand up for 43 years. 43 years, which is hard to believe in itself. And you, my friend, hold in my heart the. The distinction of being the most despicable but likable character on Curb youb Enthusiast.

[Toledo]

Oh, that's so funny.

[John Holmberg]

All those people that are around you are bad. You are without question the only one smiling and doing worse quietly next to them.

[Toledo]

At no time filming the show. At no time did I think I'm doing something terrible.

[John Holmberg]

No, no.

[Toledo]

I just thought I'm having fun with Susie and Larry or whatever. No, I swear, I never. I knew that my character, like people say, how are you like your character? I go, I have the same voice.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. There's no way you're the same. No one. No one.

[Toledo]

No, no, no.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

God, no.

[John Holmberg]

You were the one that I like the most. Because I think I'd behave.

[Toledo]

You're a liar.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no. Well, I mean, yeah, I liked everybody.

[Toledo]

If I. If I may, I'm the one on the show that people don't talk.

[John Holmberg]

That's why. That's why I like you the most. You were the one that always went brilliant at the worst, but you were the encourage. You were the one that I would be, which is, let's do this.

[Toledo]

I was for that show, and Larry thanked me. I was the rock.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

I'd start the dominoes in motion.

[John Holmberg]

Yes.

[Toledo]

I would be the pusher.

[John Holmberg]

The terrible idea would float. And you'd be the one that said, this is something we need to do. And then smile through it and become the likable one that pushed the plunger of the dynamite.

[Toledo]

Yes. I loved it. And, you know, I would have been the character on that show that I would have liked the most as a kid because I always liked the sort of Phil Hartman.

[John Holmberg]

Yes.

[Toledo]

Of the hero. One of my heroes, too. But I always liked someone that wasn't the one that. You'd know. I mean, you'd know. But, you know, doing the little things.

[John Holmberg]

The subtle things, the side eye you have.

[Toledo]

And I was happy being quiet in scenes. A lot of scenes, people were fighting to talk. And I was happy just sitting there.

[John Holmberg]

You had moments. And this is me just kissing your ass because I thought it was brilliant. The side eyes to Susie were so subtle. And Larry'd be going nuts. And you just look over at her like she's still in the room. And it was just these brilliant little moments if you caught them.

[Toledo]

And then she would say, like, can I say, all right, let's say I'm blowing bubbles. Can I use blow? Oh, yeah. Okay. Just making sure.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Toledo]

So she would tell this one scene, I think it was from last season, where she would tell Larry and me something about not giving me BJ's. BJ's.

[John Holmberg]

There you go.

[Toledo]

And she. And I said, right, Jeff? And I said, believe me, I know.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Those moments. Now, they always say, because we asked jb. JB was on with us.

[Toledo]

We're all very close on the show. And I love jb.

[John Holmberg]

He's.

[Toledo]

I'm actually gonna be going out with the Dinner with him soon with my girlfriend and his wife.

[John Holmberg]

Beautiful.

[Toledo]

Yeah. I love JB so much. And JB is really funny. He's not big being funny off Cameron stage.

[John Holmberg]

He's a performer.

[Toledo]

He's a performer and he's. I think. I mean, I watch him and I don't know how he does.

[John Holmberg]

He came on here and got a phone call while we were interviewing him. And he took the call and we're like, that's fine. And we just went about our business while he was on the. And it was his cousin. And all you hear in the back is like, we can't do that. I'm on the radio. He's like, what? He goes, I can't do this. I can't tell these people what's happening. And he gets on, he goes, the man is ordering 200 fried chickens right now. He's like, well, don't. Why did you do that? 2,000.

[Toledo]

2,000.

[John Holmberg]

That.

[Toledo]

I said, that is not funny. We were very funny and lovable off camera.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he was.

[Toledo]

But that's not his mo. His MO is what you see on camera.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

And he's pretty gosh darn brilliant.

[John Holmberg]

Brilliant. And when. And when he was here, he was hilarious. And we've had. And look, the.

[Toledo]

You know what he says every time I see him, Jeffrey. And I love it. It makes me.

[John Holmberg]

You've been introduced. But the. The best part is, is that it seems like when you hang out with a lot of comedians as a 1 upsmanship, if you're back backstage at a comedy club, everybody's.

[Toledo]

That doesn't happen on Curb.

[John Holmberg]

No. And it would be like one of those things where everybody already knows the one up is not gonna. You're going for the laughs. That has to.

[Toledo]

Oh, no, we're going. We are going for one thing and one thing, but also going through the laughs.

[John Holmberg]

The.

[Toledo]

That people don't know this. They assume I'm trying to be funny. No, no, you play it like drama.

[John Holmberg]

Really.

[Toledo]

You play it the exact same way. And if you're funny, it will be. I remember being in an acting class and the teacher would get frustrated with me because I would be doing a dramatic scene and I'd be getting laughed. And I was doing it. And I never went off book. I was doing the lines exactly. I was playing it. It dramatically. But I'm funny.

[John Holmberg]

You're a funny person.

[Toledo]

The whole class would laugh. And so. Yeah, but that's the key to playing comedy is to not try to be funny. No, funny happens. Funny happens.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

And if the writing's Funny.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

It'll work. You got to be. You know, it's. That's the. You can't. Anytime in my career. All right. Anytime that I've tried being funny. Tried?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

Never been.

[John Holmberg]

It doesn't work.

[Toledo]

Not once.

[John Holmberg]

No. People who try to. Are unfunny people.

[Toledo]

Yeah, yeah. No, by the way, that's. I've seen that too many.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, absolutely.

[Toledo]

We used to. You know what we call them?

[John Holmberg]

We call them radio hosts.

[Toledo]

No, don't do that.

[John Holmberg]

You're very funny. Oh, I am. Yeah. The other ones. I'm talking about them.

[Toledo]

No, but we used to call. I. I used to call. I haven't used in a long time with someone. Generally an actor or an actress. Enemies of comedy. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yes.

[Toledo]

That they just. What they did was set comedy back with how hard they tried to be funny. And the thing is, when you try to be funny and you have an ego, mix with that.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's brutal.

[Toledo]

Oh, my God. And I know lots.

[John Holmberg]

I call it funny vacuum. Like, you suck the funny out of the room.

[Toledo]

Jb, he is not trying to be funny at all. He's playing the character the way the character would be. And. But that's the thing. Larry David's not trying to be funny. There's no spin. But you put. I met Neil Simon once, and I said, we're talking about comedy. He says, if somebody comes in and tries to be funny with my material, they never get hired.

[John Holmberg]

Really?

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Just read the material. It already works.

[Toledo]

Who's the character? And then just say the lines. Spencer Tracy said, know your lines and don't bump into the furniture. Show up on time. Know your lines and don't bump into the furniture.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

And that brings it down to simple. And simple is a thing of beauty.

[John Holmberg]

See, I've always thought that actors who are good at it always tell everybody how hard it is, so nobody actually realizes how easy it actually can be.

[Toledo]

No, it's. It's hard.

[John Holmberg]

No, I don't think so. I think this is. You're good at it.

[Toledo]

You're telling me so.

[John Holmberg]

I don't try.

[Toledo]

I find. I find acting not improvising, but I find straight acting. I do it. And for a comedian, I'm excellent at it. But for an actor, I would be mediocre at best. But I just think that it's really difficult because it depends on the scene. It depends. You know, if you're in, you know, some broad comedy, it's not difficult. No.

[John Holmberg]

It's easy when it's.

[Toledo]

And also, if you know your character you know, the director. You're in a comfortable environment. It can be a lot easier. But I've been in situations where I don't know how to play. So Something.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

And every choice I'm making privately.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

Before. Before I get there is wrong.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Well, it's just the intimidation of it all. Somebody else's words. You've got to figure out how to make them your character's words.

[Toledo]

Right. So I'm saying it's.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

Really.

[Brady Bogan]

I gotta believe the, like, chemistry of the people that you're.

[Toledo]

Oh, that's. There's so many things that go into it. Whereas, like, when I'm doing stand up, I'm just funny. Good night. Hello, Goodbye.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

You know, and it's yours. And I. I swear to go. I was thinking about this. This is my first radio interview in.

[John Holmberg]

Really. Well, thank you, by the way, for doing that. Nobody wants to do this.

[Toledo]

I'm thrilled to do.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's beautiful.

[Toledo]

I flew in early to do it.

[John Holmberg]

That's insane.

[Toledo]

I was gonna fly in this morning.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding. Yeah, that's.

[Toledo]

This gentleman right here.

[John Holmberg]

Forced you.

[Toledo]

No, he explained about you guys.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no kidding.

[Toledo]

Like, oh, yeah, I'll go in. There's a guy in New York I love going. You know, my favorite stations are the classic rock stations.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Toledo]

Even though I dig jazz, you know.

[John Holmberg]

We'Ll throw that in one of you. Why not? Little Alice in Chains, Some Miles. Why not? Yeah, we'll throw it up there.

[Toledo]

It's good friends. I'm friends with two of the guys from Alison.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding.

[Toledo]

Yeah. I have a lot of rock and roll.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Was it Lane and Mike?

[Toledo]

What's that?

[John Holmberg]

Lane? Not Lane. I'm sorry. Jerry Kentre and Mike. Mike. Yeah.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

They're great people. Great people.

[Toledo]

I love them. You know, I'm in the Allison Change Fantasy Football League.

[John Holmberg]

Is that right? That sounds. Wow.

[Toledo]

Duff McKagan.

[John Holmberg]

Get out of here.

[Toledo]

Yeah. Those guys. Another band. I forgot the name of it. Big rock and roll band in the.

[John Holmberg]

Jerry's the one of the few people. And I don't. It's not like he's a big Steelers fan. I am a huge Steelers fan. And that's what I bonded with him the time I met him. I'm a Giant Alison Chains fan. I was backstage once. They were there. Talk to him. Steelers for a second. And something wasn't going right with his tech. And we weren't. We weren't close to being on stage, but he was in. Jerry was intimidating. Like, he.

[Toledo]

No, he can be very intimidating.

[John Holmberg]

It Was a weird.

[Toledo]

He doesn't intimidate me.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

No, no, no.

[John Holmberg]

He's. He's.

[Toledo]

No, no, no. Not.

[John Holmberg]

I'm a much weaker man.

[Toledo]

No, no, no, no. Hold on, hold on. I respect his power.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yes.

[Toledo]

That's what I'm saying. Not like, you know. But he doesn't scare me. He's actually. I look forward and Mike could not be sweeter.

[John Holmberg]

He's just.

[Toledo]

He's one of the sweetest people I know. I just. I love him. But. Yeah, so a lot of rock and roll guys. That's crazy. Which is. It's. You know. All right, so I'm friends with Brian Warner.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Marilyn Manson. Yeah.

[Toledo]

So imagine you're in a diner and Marilyn Manson and I walk in together.

[John Holmberg]

That's a fair dream.

[Toledo]

I said to him, I go, go, do you have any people that I wouldn't think of as your fans or you're friendly with or dig you? And he just goes, one. I go, who? He goes, you.

[John Holmberg]

Who's more brand liability in that one? Like, when you guys walk in together, who's more worried about reputation?

[Toledo]

But that's another one that you go, oh, my God, that's huge.

[John Holmberg]

Is there ever. When you guys were on Curb, you brought in, like, so many celebrities and so many people. Was there any time at all from 2000, 2002, when it started, whenever that was, that, you were like, oof, this is a big one. This is intimidating. I gotta have a day.

[Toledo]

Okay. Bruce Springsteen.

[John Holmberg]

Springsteen coming on.

[Toledo]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Springsteen. And I chose. My plan was to just be a guy who works on the show.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

Little did I know I'd be talking to him for hours at a time by myself.

[John Holmberg]

Really.

[Toledo]

And I only asked him one question about music. And I said, I'm only asking you one. And then we're just being people.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

And I said, you're on stage, you're playing one of your obviously great songs, but, you know, Badlands is next.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

What's in your mind? And he got so excited. He goes, that's the best question. Oh, my God. And you know what he told me? He's thinking to himself, okay, okay, if you like this.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

Just wait.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Toledo]

Isn't that great?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. You're. You're getting.

[Toledo]

And he was really just like.

[Brady Bogan]

He's teasing.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Teasing the crowd at first.

[John Holmberg]

Wait. Yeah. No.

[Toledo]

He was everything I wanted him to be.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. No, everything.

[Toledo]

I mean, really. And then he invited me to his show. I went April 1 that year to Madison Square Garden to see him. Which was pretty surreal.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

Because I. I was asked to go backstage after, and he only. Like, there was tons of famous people, and I'm sitting next to his assistant, and I said, terrence, I'm very fond of you.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

And he goes, I am too. And Bruce is fond of you. And I go, oh, yeah. How about that? He goes, he wants you to come backstage. And I go, wow. And I go, all right. Thinking there's going to be all these people I'll be mingling with with. He goes, no, he doesn't like seeing anybody. It's you and two other people.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding.

[Toledo]

I. I knew that one of the other ones probably was a friend of his kid kids, because he was that age. He was in his 20s, and I thought. And he didn't look like a rock and roller that Bruce believed in, so I thought maybe that was it. I don't know who. The third.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding. So you get to hobnob backstage.

[Toledo]

Yeah. But they were. Even Paul McCartney was there. I don't know if he was there. Number three. They wouldn't let me back. I tried. They wouldn't let me.

[John Holmberg]

Jeff, can you get me back there? Yeah. That's crazy. Jeff Garland's at the sound.

[Toledo]

More like John.

[John Holmberg]

John was more like that.

[Toledo]

Yeah. These are very good. How about this? Let's do. Hold on. Wait a minute. You're John Lennon. This is great.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not John Lennon. Please leave me alone.

[Toledo]

That's the first ever impression of Bob Einstein.

[John Holmberg]

Even at John Lennon. Jeff Garland's at Desert Ridge Improv tonight and tomorrow. Desertridgeimprov.com Curb is.

[Toledo]

I want to say one thing because I'm thinking about what I said.

[John Holmberg]

Go ahead.

[Toledo]

That I would be the character that I like from Curb. It's not because I think I'm so great.

[John Holmberg]

Sure.

[Toledo]

That we talked about it. That.

[John Holmberg]

That.

[Toledo]

The understated sub nuance.

[John Holmberg]

Favorite thing.

[Toledo]

That's what I love watching. And I think that's probably why I'm influenced by that. And I do that.

[John Holmberg]

And. And. And it didn't feel like you were doing it. It felt like it was just there. Yeah. And. And. And there was a moment in cur. And I know this is a Curb fan, by the way.

[Toledo]

I am honored that anyone likes that show.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's brilliant.

[Toledo]

Take it for granted. I'm glad people are moving by it. And I feel bad for people that it's. It's not canceled. Yeah. That it's not on the.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, same.

[Brady Bogan]

It wasn't a bad season.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Toledo]

Well, that we wanted to end on top.

[John Holmberg]

We didn't want to keep drag it out.

[Toledo]

And Larry is the only one who doesn't need the money.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

Believe me, I missed that money. But it was time to end it. But what were you gonna say?

[John Holmberg]

I was gonna say there was a moment in the. I believe it's the accidental text on purpose, which is one of my favorite things.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Because we've all done it. And then it had a name and so. But there's a moment on the golf course when you have done this thing. And I believe Larry shakes hands and it is so three stooge. It is so over the top. Silly Groucho Marx.

[Toledo]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

And I think you're either in the background or you're either. You might be the one shaking his hand and you give a little wry smile. And I lost it. I'm like, these guys just played this whole thing down to me.

[Toledo]

I don't understand when I do the wry smile.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

I'm not going. All right, smile here.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. That's why I love it.

[Toledo]

I'm present with what's going on. And also, what I love about Kirby, what I loved about Curb youb Enthusiasm was that I did something different every day.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

Unless we needed to cover something.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Toledo]

Shoot something. We're like, we need that in the show.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Toledo]

Every.

[John Holmberg]

Every time was different.

[Toledo]

Different.

[John Holmberg]

See, now, the cool thing about Curb was it influenced me because I live my life in Curb episodes, I think, like most people who like the show. And there were several things where I'm like, there's an episode. I wish I knew somebody on the show because that' great one. I had one with Ralphie May. Remember Ralphie?

[Toledo]

I loved Ralph.

[John Holmberg]

Ralphie. And he's a Steeler fan, too. And he said, hey, Johnny, come on out to Pittsburgh. We're going to watch us a Steelers game. I got tickets. I'm like, oh, man. So I immediately fly out to Pittsburgh. Right. And. And I'm out there, and I don't hear from Ralphie on Friday. I got a car. I got rooms. We're good. I'm like, okay. I'll get you, though. You'll have a guy with a name.

[Toledo]

So you're an impression.

[John Holmberg]

I do some impressions.

[Toledo]

You're very good.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you. Very well. Thank you. You.

[Toledo]

I heard your Sheena Easton is your best Sheena.

[John Holmberg]

Strong Sheena. I only break that out if you pay me. I'm not going to. I'm not going to do that for free, but, oh, yeah, Sugar walls is coming. So that was A bad phrase. So I. So I get out there.

[Toledo]

It is a song. I was thinking more Morning Train. More. No, but by the way, she was up. She. Yeah, I'm saying, you. You've got the look is about as good a song.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I think that's. That video was the first time I ever realized my dad got a record. He could not be in the room.

[Toledo]

Let's take a step back.

[John Holmberg]

He was on the shoulder.

[Toledo]

You never. All right. I was a young man. Hold on. I'm 63. Not only have I never thought that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

But I've never heard someone say that. You know what I just discovered the other day? I'm minding my own business. And I swear to God, my dad walks in naked with a huge boner. And then he explains to me, yeah, it's not from my mom. I was relieved because that would have been gross. And he said, do you mind if I join you for breakfast? Sit down. So we both had Cheerios. While he had an erection.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Erection. No.

[Toledo]

Because he couldn't be in the room.

[John Holmberg]

With me while Sheena Easton's video was on.

[Toledo]

Oh, this is.

[John Holmberg]

And he said, she's just fantastic. And then he'd get up and leave. I'm like, why don't you want to watch this?

[Toledo]

I have this like that.

[John Holmberg]

Really?

[Toledo]

With Shakira and Selena Gomez. And it wasn't because of Selena Gomez. Although at the time. At the time, I was on Wizards of Waverly Place with her. What a great girl. And she was 18. Ish. 19.

[Brady Bogan]

So.

[Toledo]

And I played her uncle. I, I, I've never been one to go to that festival.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

And you know, the young ones like that. And Beautiful girl. I just loved her. I love her. I haven't seen her a long time. I have great respect for. And so there's an episode where my character, Uncle Kelbo, you know, wizard, happens to be. In real life, Shakira. I go back and forth.

[John Holmberg]

Wait a minute. In real life, she. You're Shakira.

[Toledo]

Yeah. In other words, when you see Shakira before him, it's you. Me. My character is actually Shakira. And then I.

[John Holmberg]

You shapeshift into Shakira. Okay.

[Brady Bogan]

Nice.

[John Holmberg]

You gotta watch this show.

[Toledo]

One of the times I get caught in the middle between Shakira and myself. So I find myself wearing a Shakira type outfit.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Toledo]

Which was sheer over my wiener. And then. But I wore my boxer briefs. Yeah. Anyhow, so I'm wearing a robe. I'm very embarrassed.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

And I. I walk out, and Shakira walks up to me and goes, let me see.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no.

[Toledo]

Let me see. And I go, all right. Selena comes up. She goes, where are you guys going? And we're going. It's like, literally, it's behind the stage. We're going. And it's so dumb. And we. And she goes, can I come? Because she said, I want to see.

[John Holmberg]

What he looks like.

[Toledo]

And so I don't know. For me, it was horrifying and later on, amusing, obviously. So we get back there, and it was like me flashing them. And they both laughed hysterically. Then some bouncy Shakira type music comes out. It's not her song. And she starts doing her gyrating and everything. And I'm in a real thin festival. And Selena knows because I told her that I was mystified by, you know, Shakira. And I thought she was. Oh, my God.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, she's stunning.

[Toledo]

Yeah. And so she started laughing, knowing damn well I don't want to see this.

[John Holmberg]

Yes.

[Toledo]

And I had to run away. And by the way, she was so cool. When she was on tour in Chicago, she asked me to come and go backstage.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, good. Okay.

[Toledo]

And I'm in her dressing room talking with her for a while, and I hug her. Oh, there she is. I hug her goodbye, and my button gets caught in her dress. We're attached. People had to come in and detach you from.

[Brady Bogan]

Take your time.

[Toledo]

But she was. I just had a ball.

[John Holmberg]

I like that. Your disgust with my story about my father's first erection led you to a story about how you got hard on wizards of.

[Toledo]

No, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

[John Holmberg]

But of morning sickness. Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Toledo]

I didn't say hard.

[John Holmberg]

You started. I didn't say my dad, by the way.

[Toledo]

That's the way to put it. Blood was starting to flow.

[John Holmberg]

That's all I said.

[Toledo]

Selena laughed because she's thinking like, oh, Jeff's not going to be able to handle this.

[John Holmberg]

She knew.

[Toledo]

And I ran. Yeah, I literally ran. Yeah. Just to the other side of the stage. I didn't have to go to my quote.

[John Holmberg]

Sure, sure. You're. Yeah. You didn't have to go to a stress clin.

[Toledo]

Yeah. Stress clinic.

[Brady Bogan]

Chub. Chub. Stress.

[Toledo]

Yeah, Chubs. Wouldn't it be great if they had stress clinics like that?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they do. They're called massage parlors, I think. I think those exist. So it's not worth the risk, that's for sure.

[Toledo]

Well, it's not worth it, period.

[John Holmberg]

No, not really. I can do it myself.

[Toledo]

You can. You have that ability. Do you think about your dad doing it and Sam Kid, you want to know? Hold on. Not in terms of a fantasy, but proud because you're continuing the tradition like.

[John Holmberg]

My father and his father before him. Yeah. Erections warped. Oh, the weirdest one is having sex. Well, I do believe that nobody teaches you sex sounds. So it's passed down. So there are. You know what I mean? Yeah, but the noise. Wait, wait, wait.

[Toledo]

Hold on, hold on.

[John Holmberg]

They're genetically.

[Toledo]

Hold on.

[John Holmberg]

You and your grandpa.

[Toledo]

Hold on. Wait a second.

[John Holmberg]

It's true.

[Toledo]

Hold on. God, it's true. Sex sounds are passed down.

[John Holmberg]

I would believe so.

[Toledo]

You had even more pride. As I'm getting laid, I feel and sound like my father.

[John Holmberg]

It's freaking out. Do you know sometimes when you say something you go, oh my God, I sound just like my dad?

[Toledo]

Sure.

[John Holmberg]

Sometimes during sex I'm like, damn, would have made that noise.

[Toledo]

So how many times did you hear your parents having sex?

[John Holmberg]

I didn't, but I think that innately through his DNA, that my brain. I'm sorry for sure I've been called worse.

[Toledo]

I don't mean wrong. Your great impressionist.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you very much. I do like.

[Toledo]

You're an idiot. Oh my God. That's the dumbest.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's not.

[Toledo]

Oh, it'll be the dumbest thing that I heard all week.

[John Holmberg]

Where did you. Why do you like. There's no possibility that in the middle of the throws of passion you don't make a noise and go boof. That sounded like my dad. Wow. Like. All right, Marcy, here it comes. That's. You know, those kind of things.

[Toledo]

Wow, you poor guy. Oh my God. Let me tell you something. I like to tell.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

I've had sex numbers a couple times and at no point did I even consider that I had a father.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Toledo]

He was that far away where she could have asked me, do you have a dad? And I'd go.

[John Holmberg]

I like that she had a few questions. In the middle, she's a little bit bored.

[Brady Bogan]

How's dad doing?

[John Holmberg]

Let's get to know Jeff. Do you have a friend father?

[Toledo]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

While you're par.

[Toledo]

I have a friend comedian. I'm not going to say. Who does great impressions. He was dating this girl and he could do oppression of her dad and in the middle of having sex with her, he would start doing her dad.

[John Holmberg]

And she would rephrase that. Yeah. Doing her dad personally. Yeah. I hope so. Yeah.

[Toledo]

You're the only one who possibly would. That's your area.

[John Holmberg]

I have a weirder story if you'd like to. You got a second?

[Toledo]

Well, as long as this is weirder.

[John Holmberg]

It's. It's one of my favorite funny stories because at the time it was very disturbing then, as time passes. So my friend was a movie reviewer in the 90s, and he would get copies of movies way in advance. And so I was at my parents house and I had a copy of a movie in the car that nobody'd heard of yet, but it was up for consideration for the Academy Awards and all this other stuff. So my dad's like, nothing's on tv. I'm just like, you know what? Colin gave me a movie called Monsters Ball. You want to throw that in there? He goes, sure. We had no idea.

[Toledo]

Idea. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And right in the middle of. He's in.

[Toledo]

I know. I know what happens. You don't forget things. And by the way, then I think.

[John Holmberg]

It'S the first time my dad and I had erections at the same time in the same room. We had to split up for a little while.

[Toledo]

This is a thing with you. You poor guy.

[John Holmberg]

Just saying. I told you, I have a lot.

[Toledo]

Of those Hollywood weirdness. Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

My trainer. Boxing trainer. I boxed.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

Also trained her for when she did John Wick. And she was great athletically. And then, you know, she did great stuff. And she'll send me over little health things for me. So I'm getting things from Halle Berry through my trainer, and I think that's just funny. And she writes little notes on them. Oh, and I've never met her.

[John Holmberg]

Really?

[Toledo]

Oh, yeah. Oh, it's just I was on the. I think I was on the Tonight show with her. I. I don't remember, but.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That's pretty awesome.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You're living a good life, Jeff.

[Toledo]

Well, when those things happen.

[John Holmberg]

Sure, sure. You've had some hiccups. Big deal, right? Oh, yeah.

[Toledo]

My. My dad came and stayed with me. Laugh to explain more.

[John Holmberg]

I relate. I'm with you.

[Brady Bogan]

And that was the first time.

[John Holmberg]

If you want to talk to somebody, my dad and I are available. We get a whole family thing going. Yeah. It's the first time we. It's a weird thing.

[Toledo]

What is wrong?

[John Holmberg]

I realized I. I was half hard and I didn't want to turn around and look at the guy on the couch because I'm assuming he was too. And he goes, you know what? Let's watch something else. Right after about five minutes after the scene.

[Toledo]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

You come from a weird family and you are a weirdo.

[John Holmberg]

Yes.

[Toledo]

And by the way. I'm a weirdo too.

[John Holmberg]

That's the only way this works.

[Toledo]

Hold on. But I'm a different kind of weirdo. I'm an artistic, eccentric weirdo.

[John Holmberg]

I'm just a street weirdo.

[Toledo]

No, you're a disturbed weirdo. It's dark.

[John Holmberg]

I'm a guy that you're gonna see on the ID channels.

[Toledo]

Yeah, you're homicide Hunter's gonna do. You know, I made a movie. It's on Netflix. It was the first Netflix mystery movie. It's supposed to be a bunch of others. Yeah, and I had Joe Kenda in it.

[John Holmberg]

He's awesome.

[Toledo]

Yeah, and he did his Joe Kenda stuff. Explaining stuff, the way in the rhythms. It was so much fun to be with Joe Kenda. And even at the end when the bad guy gets caught and Joe Kenda's standing there and then he says one of his Joe Kenda type lines. And then the actor Stephen Weber turned and goes, joe Kenda.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody. Just gotta love that guy's delivery.

[Toledo]

I love him. I watched one reason I just wrote him recently. Just a little text, I don't think. Not a lot. Just saying how much I think you love him.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's a good thing.

[Toledo]

Joe Kenda.

[John Holmberg]

Joe Kenda.

[Toledo]

By the way, that's very impressive. You knew who Joke.

[John Holmberg]

I got a lot of useless information.

[Toledo]

No, Joe Kenda, that's a big hunter. Is a big one. So if you're on there there, you probably killed somebody who dressed like your dad with an erection. Don't you ruin his good name. His erections are his own. I witnessed that.

[John Holmberg]

You should see our family crest, Jeff. It's got. It's got a lot of points. Jeff Garland's at the Desert Ridge Improv Tonight and tomorrow desertridgeimprov.com Jeff, leave us with words of wisdom. If you will change the world. Do something.

[Toledo]

You ready?

[John Holmberg]

Yes. Hit me.

[Toledo]

All right. I'm gonna give you all something.

[John Holmberg]

Okay?

[Toledo]

Give you two.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Okay.

[Toledo]

Don't take yourself seriously, but take what you do seriously. Okay?

[John Holmberg]

They believe it.

[Toledo]

And also, don't pay attention to your dad's.

[John Holmberg]

The second one is going to be harder for me.

[Toledo]

Think about your dad's reactions. Think about noises you make next time you're having sex. Like your dad. No.

[John Holmberg]

And then you go, what was your dad's name?

[Toledo]

Gene.

[John Holmberg]

Gene. You're going to go, Gene, stop. Stop it.

[Toledo]

No. By the way, you can put that curse on me. This is how far away my dad is. He's laying. He's a hundred miles away with your curse.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

So you can tell me. Do that. I will not be doing it.

[John Holmberg]

Hear yourself sometimes and think. Oh, I bet Gene made that noise.

[Toledo]

No, no, your dad's still alive.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, he is.

[Toledo]

Invite him to the show. I'm gonna do a good 20 minutes.

[John Holmberg]

He's in Texas, so I can. I have to fly him in, but it might be worth it.

[Toledo]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Because I don't think we had ever talked about it.

[Toledo]

I'm not talking about this on stage. You are wrong, sir.

[John Holmberg]

Damn it. Well, he won't hear. And we've never spoken of it. My dad walked in on me.

[Toledo]

Who speaks to their dad about erection?

[John Holmberg]

Saying it to you. I'm getting it off my chest on you.

[Toledo]

Masturbating.

[John Holmberg]

I walked. I just finished.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, this classic.

[John Holmberg]

And I. Yeah, so here's the thing. I. Oh, God, why am I. When did I hire you as a therapist?

[Brady Bogan]

But it's working with a sock on.

[John Holmberg]

So I had. Way before American Pie. I had a sock as a catch. A catch all. You know, we've all tried some things, and so.

[Toledo]

I've never tried that one.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, give it a run, Gen. No, it's interesting.

[Toledo]

I'm thinking about doing it and thinking of your dad.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So I had a turtle. This is a weird part of the story. In a. In a tank with water. And it caused the wooden door in my room to swell. So in order to open my door, you'd have to kind of give it a little shoulder, and it would make a noise. And so I had finished up, and I'm standing at the edge of the bed with a sock. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

[Toledo]

You're standing with a sock on your erection Partial. Which is a connection with your dad. Looking at a turtle.

[John Holmberg]

No, the turtle was in the room. We didn't make eye contact. I always made sure not to. You're the first aquarium door opens up and I'm standing there, obviously in some sort of disarray. This is not good. And my dad looks at me with a hand on the door, and he goes, dinner's ready. Stop it. And then the door closes. And we never spoke of it again. I tried to eat dinner with the family.

[Toledo]

And then he said. I listened as he did it. And he could. The noises he made were just like me.

[John Holmberg]

Great impression.

[Toledo]

I looked at his erection. You couldn't tell ours apart.

[John Holmberg]

What a matter of pride, you know?

[Toledo]

Where's your mom in all this?

[John Holmberg]

She was long gone at that point. She had to run. Runaway. No, I.

[Brady Bogan]

It wasn't even a tube sock. It was A footy.

[John Holmberg]

You have to wonder, does grandpa make those annoyance.

[Toledo]

Wait a minute. Let's take a step.

[John Holmberg]

Now he's analyzed.

[Toledo]

Hold on.

[John Holmberg]

There we go.

[Toledo]

It wasn't even a tube sock. Who the hell's filling a tube sock?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I'm impressed with that.

[Toledo]

Footy is more than anyone needs, my dad. Even if you have a lot. What the hell? A tube sock.

[John Holmberg]

If I can fill a tube sock.

[Toledo]

Hold on. If you can go from the top of the soup sock to the bottom, you're a hall of famer.

[John Holmberg]

And by the way, if that's the case, I don't care if anybody walks in on me. I'm probably walking around like that most of the time with a tube sock on it going, come on. I'm the only one with the three stripes. Forget it.

[Toledo]

You are just so off walking around with a tube sock on your wiener.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I would have not. It probably was more of a footing. Anyway. It's good to meet you.

[Toledo]

Can I tell you something? You're a vulnerable, real man.

[John Holmberg]

Well, thank you. I appreciate it. Better.

[Toledo]

You're a human. You other fellow was.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, not so much. Jeff.

[Brady Bogan]

A little more reserved.

[John Holmberg]

Jeff Garland, everybody. Go to the Desert Ridge improv and enjoy your weekend.

[Toledo]

By the way, my show.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

Will be almost exactly like this. And I'm not kidding, I improvise it.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's fantastic.

[Toledo]

And I don't do crowd work.

[John Holmberg]

Good.

[Toledo]

I. If I see something, I'll ask about it, but I don't really dive in.

[John Holmberg]

We had Spade on earlier in the week, and he said my crowd work is when somebody talks to me. I go get this guy out of here.

[Toledo]

He just removes David so much. What was he in town for?

[John Holmberg]

He's here tonight. He's competing against you at a celebrity, I believe. But theater. Yeah, his tickets are too expensive. Well, that's why he had to do our show.

[Toledo]

Oh, by the way, that's really funny to think about that. But I love David.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he's the best.

[Toledo]

I love him.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Well, you guys going to hook up this weekend? Because he'll be here tonight.

[Toledo]

I don't want to see.

[John Holmberg]

I don't blame it. That's enough. You've done what you need.

[Toledo]

No, but I do love him. He was Uncle Herb.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. Yeah, everybody.

[Toledo]

But I. I've known him for a long, long, long, long time. And I just love that dude. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Jeff, it is a pleasure. Thank you for doing this.

[Toledo]

Hey, an honor, fellas.

[John Holmberg]

Awesome.

[Toledo]

And watch for the erection show.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. This big. Jeff Garland's dad erection show at the Desert Ridge Improv.

[Toledo]

All right, thank you.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you. Jeff Garland, everybody. It's 98 Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.

[Brady Bogan]

You thought that was funny?

[John Holmberg]

You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? And I gotta tell you that for me, about as good as they get. Jeff Garland coming in here hanging out at the Desert Ridge Improv this week and not only will you have a great time at his show show, a lot of times you don't, you know, you don't meet your don't meet the celebrities. You want to meet that don't. Don't meet your heroes. Yeah, all your heroes are proven wrong once again. And I love it. Jeff Garland was awesome. That was great. And as a massive curb your enthusiasm fan, this was about as good as it gets. So go see Jeff and tell him my dad and I say hello. That's how that works. It's time now for the entertainment drill. It's brought to you by our [e-mail] the home of tactical black self defense fence. If you want to get involved in that thing, do it right now. The world's a crazy mixed up place. You never know who you're going to run into doing weird stuff to weird people. And you might be one of the people they target because they look for victims. Don't be one. Become a sheepdog. Stop being a sheep and they can get it to you as fast as that first day you're in there, you will be blown away at what you learn in the first class, guaranteed. You can do the all their classes that are available online. You got, they got the cardio, they got the bag class, they got self defense, they got gun, they got knife, they got all these things. You get in there and you take a look at all the self defense classes. On top of getting in great shape, you do it for a great price. 2 months for $199 a personal training. You don't get that anywhere else. You can also do private lessons which are fantastic one on one things. That's more my speed. I don't like classwork as much as I do the one on one. And the best trainers in the world do it. Reactdefense.com. that's where you go. It's the home tactical blank Black Brady. Entertain me.

[Brady Bogan]

David Cornswett. He's the new Superman.

[John Holmberg]

I think so that's his name?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Cornswet.

[Brady Bogan]

Corn's wet.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Should we know?

[Brady Bogan]

I'm probably hammering It.

[John Holmberg]

But how do you spell it?

[Brady Bogan]

C O, R, E, N, S W.

[John Holmberg]

E, T. Course wet. It's not corn sweat. There's no end. Corn is what he's saying.

[Brady Bogan]

It's C O, R, E, N. Oh.

[John Holmberg]

E, N. Okay, okay. Yeah, yeah. It's corn sweat. Right? He's.

[Brady Bogan]

He's playing the new Superman. And his grandfather, this guy named Edward Packard, is the creator of the choose your own adventure books.

[John Holmberg]

Really?

[Brady Bogan]

That were popular in the 80s and 90s.

[John Holmberg]

Also, after our conversation with Mr. Garland probably shares sex noises. Oh, no, don't start that again. Hey, your grandfather started it and his dad before him. It gets passed down. I'm convinced of it. You sound like Kurt Vestler in the midst of Jesus Christ. Every time you're getting a mouth hug, you probably do some, oh, sweet, sweet, sweet baby. That's what your dad did. There's no other explanation for why we make the noises we make Thriller. It's possible.

[Brady Bogan]

The Cobra Kai fans, one of the things that they were wanting was one member to show back up. That was in the series to begin with. Not the series, but the movies.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brady Bogan]

Hillary Swank, she never made an appearance on any of the seasons. They reached out to her. She declined.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. It wasn't.

[Brady Bogan]

She just wanted. She just said, you know, she goes, when we reach out to the people, we. We do it, and we, you know, we handle this thing with gloves and let them know. So it's pretty cool thing that we're doing. It's not sure, but she just didn't want to play, you know, what, Karate Kid.

[John Holmberg]

She was in the.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, she was in the next Karate.

[John Holmberg]

Right. So she wasn't in the original universe, like with Machio and stuff? Well, she was in with Pat Morita. Yeah, but he's dead anyway. All right, that's your criteria. Yeah, that's what I'm going with. If Marita's dead, why do I have to join? Arnold's gone. My only connection is gone. Yeah, you're kind of right, though. Why would she tag army up with. You're right. She didn't know him. She didn't know Johnny. Brit's absurd thinking in retrospect makes quite a lot of sense. She didn't know any of those guys. She was in Hawaii. Yeah. And Marita was on vacation and went down there and started to groom another teenager.

[Brady Bogan]

But I could see it being a funny crossover. I mean, I could see her being in there.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody ever got on Miyagi for that. He was grooming a lot of kids. Oh, yeah. And he Crossed state lines to do it.

[Brady Bogan]

Here's a list of.

[John Holmberg]

He went international. Good Christ. He was human trafficking. List of close eye. You don't want to hear that from a guy. Wax floor, teenager. Wax off. Right hand. Yeah, I'm 15.

[Brady Bogan]

A list. Here's a list of actors that got cut from movies. Most recent is Simone Ashley. She was in the F1 that's coming.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, the Brad Pitt movie? Yeah, I want to see that. Did you know, man, I'm a car guy though, so I do.

[Brady Bogan]

I want to see.

[John Holmberg]

I don't like seeing 60 year old F1 drivers. Something about. Again, I'm a. I'm a weird one for that whole sports. Can't be. It's not real. It's. If you're an F1 fan, you would look at this and go, come on. It's like being a boxing fan and having a 60 year old champ. Yeah, but what about a 60 year old F14 pilot? Excellent point.

[Brady Bogan]

Maverick.

[John Holmberg]

Strong. Yeah, you're right. I think you're right. Okay, you got to suspend disbelief a little bit. I do kind of want to see it, but I'm. I already got questions.

[Brady Bogan]

Kevin Costner from the Big Chill didn't.

[John Holmberg]

Know that he was the dead guy in the beginning of that.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, evidently was cut from the movie.

[John Holmberg]

Well, he's the. He's the toes of the corpse. He's his. That's. He had it. Yeah, he had her. Evidently he had a. Like a flashback role or something like that. And then he's the dead floor friend in the Big Chill. Harrison Ford ET he is in it, but he is as a. One of the guys that goes into the house in the white suits. Oh, he is. Yep.

[Brady Bogan]

But he must have had a bigger part.

[John Holmberg]

They did a close up on him and then they moved forward, but evidently they cut that out. I read about all these for no reason again.

[Brady Bogan]

James Gandolfini in Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close.

[John Holmberg]

Really? I remember that. That was the Tom Hanks movie, wasn't it?

[Brady Bogan]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

With the little kid and 9 11. Was that what that was? I'm pretty sure that's what that was.

[Brady Bogan]

That might have been. I don't. Paul Rudd.

[John Holmberg]

Was he standing in front of the Trade Center? There's nothing to see here, kid. Turn around, go home, see your daddy. I understand Forrest Gump is your father. You want to go over and talk to him? Because there's nothing to see here. The buildings are on fire. You don't see nothing. Turn around, go home. If you know what's good for you.

[Brady Bogan]

He was in a robe holding a newspaper.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Wanted more pulp. Tell me, what do your parents do? I do know movies. What do they have? What do they do?

[Brady Bogan]

Paul Rudd from Bridesmaids. He was cut from that.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that stinks. He's great.

[Brady Bogan]

Shailene Woodley. The Amazing Spider Man 2.

[John Holmberg]

Huh.

[Brady Bogan]

We got the summer blockbusters getting ready to hit.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. What's coming?

[Brady Bogan]

F1 is the big one of them. And then. But here's a rundown of the summer blockbusters from 1975 to present. But we'll just do a handful. But I didn't know this. In 2024, what was your guess in.

[John Holmberg]

The best movie of the year?

[Brady Bogan]

Blockbuster. Summer blockbuster.

[John Holmberg]

No idea.

[Brady Bogan]

Inside out two.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

That thing had 651 million.

[John Holmberg]

I would have never remembered. It was last year.

[Brady Bogan]

2023 was Barbie.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

That's huge.

[John Holmberg]

And Oppenheimer. Right. They were. Barbie was number 12.

[Toledo]

Cuz.

[John Holmberg]

Oppenheimer was three and a half hours long. It couldn't defeat Barbie in the box office.

[Brady Bogan]

2010. Let's go to that one.

[John Holmberg]

That's. I'm going to miss every question.

[Brady Bogan]

Toy Story 3.

[John Holmberg]

Why would we ask that?

[Brady Bogan]

409 million. That was the blockbuster of 2010.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady Bogan]

The summer.

[John Holmberg]

Why did you jump back to the that?

[Brady Bogan]

I don't know. I was looking at news I thought you might know.

[John Holmberg]

Just threw one at me. I throw another one. Let me see if I can just guess.

[Brady Bogan]

2022. We talked about it earlier. A couple minutes ago.

[John Holmberg]

Summer Lovers.

[Brady Bogan]

Brett mentioned it.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. I did. Huh?

[Brady Bogan]

60 year old.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah. The maverick movie Top Gun. All right. That's too hard. It's too hard. Your game's killing me.

[Brady Bogan]

Roastmaster General Jeff Rock Boss got his cancer diagnosis in the form of a burn. They roasted him on. The bad news is you're going to need six months of chemo.

[John Holmberg]

Oh no.

[Brady Bogan]

The good news is you lost your hair a long time.

[John Holmberg]

You're already bald. Your eyebrows don't even show up. You're gonna be fine. No one's gonna notice. And you're gonna lose some weight. The best thing that's ever happened to.

[Brady Bogan]

Jeff just laid that on him.

[John Holmberg]

If I. If I get that kind of news, I want it to be funny too. I want somebody to deliver. You're gonna. You're gonna go through some stuff in a hilarious way.

[Brady Bogan]

David lynch auctioned off a bunch of his memorabilia and scripts.

[John Holmberg]

In fact, to interrupt my. When I had my hip stuff going wrong, my disgraced Dr. Jordan came to me and made a Joke says, we looked at your MRI eye. You've got cancer. I'm like, what? And he goes, I'm just kidding. You need to get your hip replaced. And I'm like, oh, my God. That's so much better than what you said first. He had a whole, like, book made up of cancer treatments he threw in front of me. Wasn't the cleanest way to find out your hips need to be replaced. But better than the option he gave me.

[Brady Bogan]

It did. It kind of.

[John Holmberg]

It lightens the load. You've got aids. Oh, my God. I'm kidding. Kidding. Got cancer. Oh, that's. Wait a minute. Sickle cell anemia. Like, how did I get that? You know, Thriller. We're pushing it here. We may have to do this Monday. I know. I got a lot to catch up on. Ask for it. Guadalupe Squares are coming up next. Thrillers here. We might as well do it. It's 98 KUPD. There goes your entertainment drill.

[Toledo]

Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.

[John Holmberg]

You thought that was funny? You were laughing like a hyena when he said it.

[Brady Bogan]

What the hell is wrong with you?

[John Holmberg]

Look, we got through this, Thriller. Hey, we did it mighty fast. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the show. Once again, our own Thriller. Corey Walsh has wandered in. You said it's your dad's birthday next week? Next week, actually. Big plans. Where did you get him for his birthday? She said recently, oh, you don't need a gift for me. So I'm like, okay, what's the play then? So you didn't get him anything? Not yet. I might have been mine. We'll see. Let's go to the Kirby School of Gifting. Nothing, right? Everybody who's you ask, what do you want? Says, oh, I don't. I've got everything. Exactly. They're still offended when you don't get them again. I'm still brainstorming something. I tried that once, by the way. It didn't work. Huh. People don't like it. You said, what you want for your birthday, and you said, nothing, and I got you nothing. And I got you exactly what you asked for. And you're mad. It's like I told you just recently. Yeah. Megan's birthday didn't really get her anything. I heard this and won $8,000 that night. And suddenly a cash gift seemed appropriate, like, if I'd have gotten her some cash that wasn't appro. Like, it has to. Anyway. $8,000. Somebody suddenly is like, it's not insensitive anymore to give cash. No, no. It changes the room. It changes the entire room. He's right. Thrillers here. How much plasma is that? Let's see. A be. Do you have to sell plasma to buy your dad a present? No, no, I don't do that much anymore, actually. That's terrible. Really? If you did, I'd say it's about 100 a week. So 80 weeks, about a year and a half. You go in there, you go in there real weak and just hand him a wrap present. Poorly wrapped because you're so weak. Still dripping. Ew. Good lord, no. Would you give him a pig heart? Oh, you're still dripping.

[Toledo]

I see.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. I thought the box was dripping of the plasma you gave. That's my dad's. To get the box dripping. I get it. All right, that's enough box tripping jokes. All right, Thrillers here. That means it's time for your Guadalupe Squares. Ladies and gentlemen, here's your host, Mr. Thriller Wall. Thank you, Chancellor. Let's begin. Top left square. We got Larry David to sort things out. Pretty put to good. I heard Jeff Garland was not bad. Very good. Energy. Not bad. Have you guys talked recently? We. We have conversations. Not again. He wants money. I don't ever answer the phone. I kind of leave that alone. But I got saya interview. Pretty good, Brady. It was. It was. Yeah. I've heard better interviews. I'm not going to lie. That wasn't bad, though. Pretty good, Corey. I hope you get better. I'm sure. Day by day, I'm told. And now it's gone over now to the top, middle square. Jimmy Fallon here with some news. Oh, my God.

[Brady Bogan]

What happened?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God, I can't believe it. This is Jimmy Fallon. How are you, Brady?

[Toledo]

Good.

[John Holmberg]

It's great to see you. It's so good to be here. So great to be back tonight. Oh, my God.

[Toledo]

We got.

[John Holmberg]

Tonight we got Blake Shelton, Justin Timberlake, and then we're gonna do Gwen Stefani as well. Thank goodness it's a cameo. She's gonna show up there's, gonna ruin the surprise. We'll have that. That's great. Timberlake. And then we're gonna bring on Will Ferrell's gonna. Come on. We're gonna do baby Pants again. Oh, okay. Unbelievable.

[Brady Bogan]

I have some news to break, though.

[John Holmberg]

What's that? One of the people from Hee Haw died. What? What are the He Haw people passed away. Talk about names. Gaylord Sartain. I just like to break the news. I like. Look, there's nobody the Hee Haw guy. Nothing. Like I grew up on Hee Haw. So amazing. You don't know who he is?

[Brady Bogan]

One of the dudes in the cornfield.

[John Holmberg]

He's one of the guys. Yeah, I was picking it a grin. Oh my God, it's so good.

[Brady Bogan]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

Brady, I'm gonna hire you back in with Alan Barkin. It's pretty good. Let's get Larry back in with his name jokes. I never been on and enjoyed myself. Oh my God. That's so funny, Larry. Okay, thank you, Cory. We'd have you on the show, but after I introduce you, it'd take you too long to walk over to the couch. We got at a time. It would take a little bit. Thank you.

[Brady Bogan]

Good one, Jimmy.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you, Brady. I love you. Not ADA compliant. Brady's the best. Quiet time, Toledo. Brady and are having a moment. I'm sorry, Toledo. You can be on the show too. All right, now the top right square. We got President Trump. It's exactly right. It's a tough week for me. I'm having a tough go. Really have. Hi, Brady. How are you?

[Brady Bogan]

Good, good.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. You're like a construction company between Iran and a hard place. If you look at it, it's. Yeah, you say a rock and hard place. We already. We already got them, Brady. I'm. I'm confused. I gave. I gave those filthy people over there and I ran two weeks before I rain hellfire down on them and blow.

[Brady Bogan]

Them to bits like a construction company. And I'd be giving them two.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. I give you two weeks. You know what it's like quitting a job? You gotta quit being Iran. Yeah. I'm giving you your two weeks notice. And then it's not gonna be that.

[Brady Bogan]

We're celebrating July 4th this year, sir.

[John Holmberg]

This year. Fourth of July over Iran, United States, 249th birthday. We're gonna finally get rid of those dirty Iranians. It's a terrible thing. Like, I'm empathetic. I'm a good person. I gotta do it all in one night. It's Iran, Cory. We'll get rid of it in a half an hour. It's gonna. We'll be back to lunch. I just don't know what to do. I'm trying to be a nice guy. I'm trying to tell our channel Warner. But I told you, don't do this. What are you thinking? I got my little friend. Oh, say hello to my little friend. His name is Bunker Buster. He's gonna be out there. He's gonna do his job.

[Brady Bogan]

He's gonna get it done. Standby.

[John Holmberg]

He's on standby. He's waiting. Hey. The Archie Bunker buster is what I call it. It's gonna go down there. Rain hellfire over those people with those things on their heads. Moolah. Moolahs. Not a fan of moolahs. Right after the parade. Have it in action. That's good to see. That's right. Had the parade. Now we're gonna use that stuff. We're gonna do it. I'm not a moolah guy. I like. I like American moolah. I don't like moolahs. I don't like them over there. Iranian moolah is not a fan. What do you mean cut it off? My pissing off the moolahs. Too many checks to write. The liberal cuck is telling me not to make fun of moolahs in America. Typical. Why don't you start a march? I'll buy the construction paper and the cardboard and you can. You and your wife can march up and down the road. Got the signs at home. Sir. You know what I wanted. I knew this was true years ago. But Toledo is. Is a. He's for the moolahs. I'm not much for moolahs. Not a moolah guy. Cut it off. He said Toledo. Of all people. Please stop talking. Mister. You think you're going to quiet me?

[Toledo]

You're wrong.

[John Holmberg]

Guess what? No kings. I'm still your president. So keep. Keep dancing there. Cut. All right. Now the middle left square. We got James Galfini joining us. Hey. Tell them what? Tell them what I'm actually doing. You know why. Right? You're keeping the. I keep in a piece. Is it one year later? It's a year anniversary. My anniversary. When did I die? Brett? You? Yesterday. You saw 2013. Of course I didn't die yesterday. Died. Right? Yeah. Yeah. What are you looking at over there? Cor? The varsity squares? Let me a little respect around. Okay? Okay. Brett. Does it be more like Brett? Okay.

[Brady Bogan]

I got some gabagool.

[John Holmberg]

I take a gabago for my anniversary. I appreciate that. I was in a movie. They come me out of the movies. How you doing?

[Brady Bogan]

The nerve.

[John Holmberg]

What's it called? See Closer Be Father. Whatever.

[Brady Bogan]

Extremely loud. Doesn't matter.

[John Holmberg]

You weren't in it. It doesn't matter. They cut me out. So nobody saw it. Yeah. So how's it been one year in heaven? It's been longer than one year. Pay attention. Do the math. Who is this kid? What's wrong with you? He's not an earner. That's why he's got to give up half of his bone marrow to buy his dad a present. Well, I hope they're treating you well now. Everybody's treating me great. And of course, I'm in heaven. Over. Now we go into the center square. We have chaperone Brady. That's right. How you doing, man?

[Brady Bogan]

Going to the Suicidal show tonight.

[John Holmberg]

I hate you better. I know all the tunes of the Tendencies, all right? That's what they call them. All the fans call them the Tendencies. That's what the fans of the band. That's why I'm going, because I'm such a super fan. I'm gonna put my headband on. You're a tender. I'm gonna go out there and I'm gonna do all their hits. Like, hit you better. I love their hits. And I'll save it for three minutes. You want me stop by raising canes and get a little Suicidal Tenders. Box. Box. Before I'm going over there. Let me sell some chicken. Suicidal Tenders. Pass them out to the other Tendency. Brett, you want to introduce me to the band since you're buddies? No. Yeah, come on. I want to meet the Tendencies. Show them your sauce, moto. Maybe they'll let me go on stage to sing one of their songs. Like, what's that one? I hate you Better. I know all their hits. You know them all, huh? That's why I'm going. Name another song. Brett, you can't. You can't bring me down. That's right. You can't bring me down. Ah. Can't wait to see the guys. Mike and the Other Guys and the Tendencies.

[Brady Bogan]

Mike and Mike and Peter.

[John Holmberg]

Mike and the Tendencies. That's what the fan club calls them. I'm the president of it. You can't be in it, Toledo. Do you know why? Ah. Hate you, B. You have fun, Tendencies. I will. I'll see you there. Probably Rockfish, because I'll be on the stage looking at the crowd with the other Tendencies. What are their names again? In the Tendencies? The other guys. The other guys. Yeah. Toledo. Peter, let me get Toledo the sign. Wrap it up, cuck. You want to start tossing out the old wrap it up signal? I'll give it back. I get it back. All right. Now in a bunker buster, Toledo's little house. Middle right square. Here we got Howard Stern joining us. I don't even know what I'm doing. Yeah, why are you here today? You know what? I got to tell you. Look, I've been listening to the Show. And look, it's, you know, it's a basic ripoff is what we're doing. Look. How you doing, Robin?

[Brady Bogan]

Yum.

[John Holmberg]

There's red Robin Bogan. And I don't even know who you are. Like, well, this new kid here, like, he's bringing up the show, and he's bringing it down at the same time. But I do know what we have here is a, you know. Baba bastards. Turned into a little marching. Do you want to do a no kings march with Toledo Thriller? It'll take four days. I'm kind of busy this week. That's a proper answer there, Corey. No marching, no kings. You love your king. You love your king, don't you? You love your king. You're a king now. Well, you said it, not me. I agree. But Corey says I'm a king now. And I, who might argue, I love the handicapped. Do you have a history? And that's what I'm talking about. All these people love Donald Trump. I don't understand it. I'm with Toledo. I want to march with him all day long. Let's do it. How to get out there and march together, you and me, Baba bastard. It'll be great. How many signs do you have? Bretel juice. You come out to march with us. There it is. In other words, Corey can't march. Oh, how'd you know? I've seen you walk down the hall at the same speed. At this point, if. If. If you were my marching partner, I would. I would join Trump's team and become Genghis Khan. If I had to march with you, it would be a nightmare. Oh, man. The Indians had a better way. Walk. You're a oneman Trail of tears. Look, if you're going to make me pay fines. You haven't heard anything yet. Pretty much. Here's a pen.

[Brady Bogan]

Going on over now to the Abutoma square.

[John Holmberg]

Brady secret square. Give us a hint.

[Brady Bogan]

Hey, metal fans.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm 64 years old. I started a little band called Winger.

[John Holmberg]

What? Winger. The least like a character I've ever heard. Wow, Kip, that's dead nuts on. I had him on the show and he forgot. He was kind of a. Kind. Very kind. Well, we'll leave you to it. Don't hurt yourself. Hardest version of Winger. I was going with Dave Mustaine there for a second, but I thought Malley drew from man. I didn't think Winger. Shut up, guys. Sorry. Well, I apologize. Sorry about that, guys. Kip, hopefully someone knows you. Hopefully someone can guess the secret square of guy who started Winger. Good luck. Good clue. Yeah. Yeah. The clock is ticking on that one. Straight on over. Let's make our way now to the bottom middle square.

[Brady Bogan]

What's going on here, Biden?

[John Holmberg]

What are you doing here? Hey, just wander on.

[Brady Bogan]

This isn't your square.

[John Holmberg]

They say a reacher there was in the movie Reacher. No joke breath. This isn't a movie set. Hollywood squares. Yeah, we're here for squares. It was the squares. Oh, yeah, there's Larry.

[Brady Bogan]

Let's go wander in his office.

[John Holmberg]

I want to march with with thrillers. Actually, the only time I'd be. You missed. That was the second fastest guy there. I've seen you sprint, sir. Yeah, I can run. I can do it. As long as there's no beach there. And I'll say this. You fall like a champ. I have reference. Yeah, you do too.

[Toledo]

I saw you in the hallway.

[John Holmberg]

You're doing your Biden impression. Know Brady. Good to see. Good to see you. I was on that Jamaican show last film on that Jamaican show. I wanted on said ch creature, not Jamaica cha. Which Jamaicans running around.

[Brady Bogan]

That's Brady's self.

[John Holmberg]

A crime shot creature. No, no joke. I was on tv. Don't, don't, don't hurt yourself. No king.

[Brady Bogan]

No king. You get it?

[Toledo]

None.

[John Holmberg]

Y. That's my son. He wandered on there. He said he was said he was going under.

[Toledo]

Play pool.

[John Holmberg]

I said there's no pool in there. He said there's an eightball. I want to got upset.

[Brady Bogan]

That cuz billiards fan.

[John Holmberg]

Of course. Toledo got to set up that joke. It's cuz you made fun of your cuck son. I hate that guy. Clown. All right, let's not hurt your brain too much here. Let's wrap things up with our bottom right square. Lord and savior trip re.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

How you doing, sir? He had another thing happened on the air that I didn't like. Now what? Fines. You're in trouble. You better go sell some plasma. You're not getting out of this thing unscathed. You're out. That's a hundred.

[Toledo]

Damn it.

[John Holmberg]

Anyway, good to see you guys. I'm. I'm tightening up around here. All right. Did you see downstairs? We got a slump buster sale. What's that? Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's when you're not doing well, okay? You find the fattest girl at the bar and you her and then your slump is over. And I've encouraged the sales staff with signs to do a slump buster sale. That's real. Have you ever had a slump buster there, Tripp? No, I didn't think so.

[Brady Bogan]

What is a slump to you?

[John Holmberg]

An hour and Cory starts looking like a roasted turkey. Slump over. Yeah, and you'll be slumped over too. I just find myself. We don't want to hurt you there, sir, so we'll make it easier for you. We lost the first call, so we have a girl. All right, and then we can go blind. Go blind. All right, who's on? Olivia is the girl. Olivia, are you there? Hi, drop out. This is Eve, the dropout. No, this is Olivia. She has to feel like I dropped out. Oh, who's the. Who's on the other line? This is impossible.

[Brady Bogan]

Hello?

[John Holmberg]

Hello? Who's there? Say your name. Jesus. You both get taken. Which one is using Nicholas Miller's phone? Olivia. Olivia. Okay, okay. And Joanne Kramer, are you there? All right, bogey off speaker. Two girls. All right, everybody off the speakerphone. This is a nightmare. We've got two ladies. All right, Olivia, you're a girl. Pick a square. Go first. It's gonna be the longest game ever. Top right, we've got a male. Well, give the phone to the guy, Olivia. Cause he can play now. Are you there? Hello? All right, yeah, you're playing now. You want to show? All right. Do you want. Who do you want? Mr. Trump. That's exactly right. The man told the wife Trump. Just like what happened back in November 5th when the man of the house. If you are a man of the house, you said Trump and your wife did it. Unlike Toledo's house, which his wife said. I'll be right back to untie you. I'm gonna go vote now. All right, go ahead. All right, I got a question for you here, sir. I've got an answer. It'll be a good one. Viagramaster, Viagra and other ED meds are not considered kosher. True or false? I don't know anything about that. Ask Bernie Sanders. That limp little Jew couldn't get it up if you paid him. Need some scaffolding? Well, I just happened to be here right now, Mr. President, and I could show you I got an erection. Just. Just fine. But you would have to leave the room because you are the antidote to a hard on an oligarchy. He's gonna sit there and take it. Oligarchy. Gretch says that I gotta scream it what you need to know. But wait, there's more. I just did a little onyx reference. Anyway, I don't know anything about Viagra because I get hot as. I get hot as Rebar. Good to know, sir. Thank you very much. I don't believe it. I don't get. I'm hard as rebar thinking about being high. Really? You do a sword fight? I would sword fight you. That's for sure. I would work on this. I just know that for the ladies out there that want to know, I can still get it up. I'll prove it. And to the Jewish. I love the Jews. I love them. Great votes. Got a lot of great votes from the Jews. And I will let them know that my bill is kosher. That's all you need to know about me. It doesn't matter what my deal is kosher. I don't know about Viagra. I'll just take an educated guess because I'm educated, Brady.

[Toledo]

I know a lot.

[John Holmberg]

I know a lot about a lot. But I don't know a lot about Viagra. I say that it is not kosher. I'll say that is false.

[Brady Bogan]

Hey, thanks for the Trump phone, too.

[John Holmberg]

I appreciate Brady got a Trump phone. You know who didn't? Toledo. Toledo got a Nikki dial up party phone. And that's all he knows. All right, so you are saying. You know why he doesn't need a Trump phone? Because nobody wants to talk to him on the phone. So there's no point, no point at all. Just to call up, call him up and go, you're a cuck. And then hang up on. All right, go ahead. All right, so you're saying false. Now, do we agree or disagree here? I'm going to disagree. That is incorrect. Then against the square. Never disagree with me. How dare you? All right, now over to Joanne there. Make your selection. I'm going with Kip Winger. Right out. There we go.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm not heading for Highach anymore.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Okay, now we're back to Olivia's. Your work is done here, Kip. That's amazing. God, are you good.

[Brady Bogan]

Gotta go.

[John Holmberg]

Gotta rock him out. All right. Thank God. See you, Kip. Oh, boy. Oh, man. All right, we can do chaperone Brady for the block here. We'll do that. That's right, chaperone. You going to the Tendencies tonight? I am, yeah. I'm going to be at Marque Theater and I'm going to be over there. Yeah, you heard me, bro. You can be at the Marquee with me. We're going to see the Tendencies. I like to shorten it up. Call them the Stendencies. Just get that s out of the way. Stendencies. I hate you. Better. Which song do you want to hear? Brett, what's your favorite? War inside my Head. Time. Time. Ticking like a bomb. Yeah, the sui tendies, I like to call them. Well, let me borrow your wisdom real quick. Go ahead. Gonna go see the tendencies, man. So just three Cheetos will ignite a fire even in the wettest conditions. Wait a minute. It got hard in this room quick. Looks like Brady just found his Viagra. Are you hitting the ceiling? Three flaming Cheetos. Wait a minute. Are you talking about the Flamin Hot Cheetos? Just any three Cheetos. We'll start a fire if you light them in your belly. If you don't have a plywose sack first. Wait a minute. You can start fires with Cheetos? That's for you to decide. True or false. That's survivor stuff right there. I'm gonna bust out. And now I can tell Ronnie. That's why I have all the Cheetos. In case we need warmth in the. You're never gonna have it.

[Brady Bogan]

Get out. Bag.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. I need to try this. I might try it tonight. At Tendency. The issue for you is saving three. That's true. Getting down to three and like, oh, do I eat them or do I light them on fire? I think we both know where this is gonna end. Maybe three will fall.

[Brady Bogan]

Priorities.

[John Holmberg]

Priorities. First, man, those Cheetos gotta get in my belly. Then I'll swallow a match and I'll stay warm. That way I'll say, cheetos don't light on fire. All right, you're saying false. Flamin Hot Cheetos don't even light on fire. For the blog here. Do you agree or disagree with false? I will disagree again. Oh, so that is your collection. X gets a square. It's a block. Holy cow, It's a block. You're all lie. I'm shocked. All right, girl. Go Joanne. Joanne. Yes. We'll go above Kip. The middle. Was that left? Yes, Delphini. Now I'm just above Kip. It's been that long I've been dead, and now I'm just remembered as the guy above Kip Winger. So disrespectful to you. Completely disrespectful. Good earner. I tell you right now, I'm not. I don't think I'm ever coming back here again. But you've. I don't Kind of circus you're running around here, but it's. Well, go ahead, ask me the question. All right. The U.S. postal Service processes more than 9,000 pieces of. What was your nickname and high school? Cory. Oh, I didn't have one. Not nothing till Friller. I bet you did.

[Toledo]

I never got told it.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody told you. But it was. I could tell you what I think it was. What? Thumper? Virgin. Ah, no.

[Brady Bogan]

You were there.

[John Holmberg]

That's cuz you're running such a. A shoddy operation right here. I just. I'm sorry. I had to give you a little grief. Give you a little grief. You know, sometimes you family, I get it. Sometimes you got to, you know. You know, give it a little smack. Just let you know. Still alive. All right. The U.S. postal Service processes more than 9,000 pieces of mail per second. True or false? Government job. U.S. post Office Quality stuff. There's no way that's true. I'll say that's false. All right. You're saying false there. Now, do we agree or disagree? Joanne? Agree. That is correct. Searle gets the square. She's the winner. Let's just let her win. Your other nickname around the building. At least nobody ever told you your nickname around here besides the Cory Cakes. Oh. Cause we like the way you walk away. You're easy to catch. And you're usually walking away from us to watch me leave. That's right. Everybody likes to watch you walk away. All right, let's get out of here. I'm done. All right? My anniversary, my debt. I ain't got the whole weekend to celebrate with this idiot. All right, let's get the hell out of here. Let's be done, shall we? Cory, tell your dad. Is it next weekend? It's next weekend. Oh, okay. So we'll have time to talk about it. You got time to shop top too? Yeah, maybe I'll ask him. Maybe six days of plasma so you can get a pretty nice gift. Maybe. Yeah. Yeah. He said he wasn't interested in a present. Yeah. Has that ever been true in your life? Not till now, but he said this time somebody. Somebody hands you a wrapped gift and you're like, no, thank you. I'm not interested. Well, not me. Larry David's Thriller over here. Jesus. Wow.

[Brady Bogan]

It's pretty good.

[John Holmberg]

Very good. I don't think I left it all that. I don't know with them. Pretty good, though. Not bad. I enjoyed that. I'm sure I can find something for him mine. Something fine. Oh, like Jesus Christ, man. Want to do a mine?

[Brady Bogan]

You pay him for some gold.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, better him in the mine than us, right? I mean, let him go first.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

If he doesn't come back, or if he comes back straight up and down, the mine isn't safe. Let's get the hell out of here. That's it. Nobody's doing suicidal tendencies tonight at the marquee. And Brady will be there. Yeah, it's happening. That's it. Larry's coming up next. He's got a chance for you to win $3,000. It's Larry's excellent adventure. This show is just silly as can be, stupid as can be as well. We'll see you Monday. I guess that's it, right? Let's go see Jeff Garland. Yeah, go see Jeff this weekend. That's it. We're done. Have a great weekend. We'll see you on Monday. Right here in the morning sickness by.

[Toledo]

Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.

[John Holmberg]

This is Michael with Restore My Civil Rights. This Fourth of July, as we celebrate freedom and the birth of our nation, ask yourself, are you truly free if past convictions are still holding you or a loved one back? It's time to reclaim independence. At Restore My Civil Rights, our attorney helps Americans like you reclaim what was lost. I did it, and so can you. To fight for your rights, visit restoremycivilrights.com or call 855-gun- rights and book a free consultation today.