06-26-25 - FULL SHOW - THURSDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona
Episode: June 26, 2025
Host: John Holmberg with Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo
Radio Station: 98 KUPD | Hubbard Radio

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1. NBA Draft Analysis

Timestamp: [00:54 – 08:27]

The episode kicks off with a heated discussion about the Phoenix Suns' recent NBA draft decisions. John Holmberg expresses confusion and disappointment over the Suns' handling of their top draft picks, particularly criticizing the trade of Kevin Durant and the selection of center Kaman Maluak.

John Holmberg [02:25]:
"If you're taking a center at number 10, you're committing to him as the future of the team for the next seven to ten years."

Dale Hellestri provides insights into the challenges of drafting under-verified players, highlighting the uncertainties in both NBA and NFL drafts.

Dale Hellestri [05:42]:
"Sometimes you have to take a risk with a lottery pick, but it's risky either way."

The hosts debate the strategic missteps of the Suns, questioning the concentration on centers at the expense of a balanced team composition.

2. "The Mortician" Documentary Review

Timestamp: [04:55 – 08:27]

John Holmberg delves into a documentary titled "The Mortician," which explores unethical practices in the cremation industry. He narrates disturbing accounts of a mortician who prioritizes profit over dignity, leading to the mishandling of multiple bodies.

John Holmberg [05:44]:
"He was making a fortune selling people's organs to underground labs... it's morally reprehensible."

Dick Toledo and Dale Hellestri join the conversation, expressing horror and skepticism over the documented practices, emphasizing the breach of trust inherent in funeral services.

3. Operation Hydration: Community Engagement

Timestamp: [35:00 – 52:43]

The hosts shift focus to Operation Hydration, a community initiative spearheaded by Brett Vesely to distribute water to those in need amid extreme heat conditions in Arizona.

John Holmberg [35:39]:
"Brett's out there at Safeway collecting water donations. It's a great cause."

Dale Hellestri and Brady Bogen commend Brett's efforts, highlighting the significant turnout and donations received, including contributions from local businesses like Dunn Edwards Paint and Cutter Aviation.

Dale Hellestri [52:43]:
"This is one of the biggest days in Operation Hydration history. Amazing work, everyone."

The segment underscores the community spirit and the vital role of local support in addressing the challenges posed by the summer heat.

4. Personal Anecdotes and Comedic Banter

Timestamp: [08:27 – 35:39]

Throughout the episode, the hosts engage in lighthearted and often irreverent storytelling. They recount personal experiences ranging from awkward encounters at bars to humorous mishaps during golfing outings.

John Holmberg [43:10]:
"Valley Chevy's July 4th event is just around the corner. Don't miss out!"
(Note: This is an advertisement and is not included in the summary.)

In one notable exchange, John and Brady humorously discuss attempts to make each other laugh or uncomfortable through jokes and playful insults.

Brady [52:46]:
"I wish I could make you cry through a joke, but I don't think it's possible unless you're already in a bad place."

Joey Avery, a guest comedian, joins the conversation, sharing amusing anecdotes about his interactions and experiences in the entertainment industry.

Joey Avery [135:32]:
"Life is confusing and it's hard to know what to do. But the best thing that you can ever do is come on out to the Desert Ridge Improv this weekend."

5. Entertainment and Music Segment

Timestamp: [35:39 – 101:20]

The latter part of the show features discussions on various entertainment topics, including movie reviews, celebrity news, and music selections. The hosts share their opinions on recent films, such as the "Kentucky Derby" and the portrayal of historical events in cinema.

Dale Hellestri [54:11]:
"A study at Penn State found eating avocados might help you sleep better."

They also engage in playful debates over pronunciations and cultural references, adding a lively and dynamic element to the show.

6. Interactive Listener Engagement

Timestamp: [101:20 – End]

The episode concludes with interactive segments where listeners call in to share their stories or jokes. The hosts respond with humor and camaraderie, fostering a sense of community among the audience.

Dale Hellestri [117:53]:
"It's math, it's math, it's math."

Listeners contribute jokes and anecdotes, which the hosts react to with their signature blend of humor and wit, ensuring an engaging and entertaining close to the show.

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Notable Quotes:

• John Holmberg [02:25]:
  "You're committing to him as the future of the team for the next seven to ten years."

• Dale Hellestri [05:42]:
  "Sometimes you have to take a risk with a lottery pick, but it's risky either way."

• John Holmberg [05:44]:
  "He was making a fortune selling people's organs to underground labs... it's morally reprehensible."

• John Holmberg [35:39]:
  "Brett's out there at Safeway collecting water donations. It's a great cause."

• Joey Avery [135:32]:
  "Life is confusing and it's hard to know what to do. But the best thing that you can ever do is come on out to the Desert Ridge Improv this weekend."

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Holmberg's Morning Sickness continues to blend humor, insightful discussions, and community-focused initiatives, making it Arizona's #1 Morning Radio Show.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by mmpguns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[Dick Toledo]

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[Brady]

Still streaming Hberg's morning sickness [e-mail].

[John Holmberg]

That was you this time. That was my fault. I'm sorry. Good morning, everybody. Damn it. I can't stop mentally picturing that. Well, you brought it up. It's 5:45. This is the morning sickness. Hi there. How are you? My name is John. There's Brady. There's Brett. There's Big Dick Toledo. Let's go. Tuesday morning is upon us. Or Thursday, whatever day it is. Doesn't matter. I'm already. I'm out of it. It's over. Damn it. You don't know what's going on in my brain right now. This is weird, Larry. Just getting pounded. Oh, I'm here to defend her honor. I'm going to beat the living out of you. Anyway, it's just people. You the last person in the world you'd want to defend you. Oh, yeah. Anyway, it's. It's on my mind. I'll get it off the. Get it right out of the way. Just right off the bat. Sorry for all you people who aren't this. But I don't understand one thing the Phoenix Suns do, and I spend a lot of money down there. I was arguing with Kevin Ray. Arguing. I was back and forth with Kevin. Kevin Ray, the voice of the Phoenix Suns. Yesterday. I don't understand the Suns at all. They traded Kevin Durant a few days ago, got themselves their own pick back. The 10th pick from the Suns went to Houston and then they made a trade and got that pick back. So that's. That's the Sun's pick to begin with, right? That's theirs. So they just switched it back, gave Kevin Durant away, got a decent amount back, but nothing spectacular about what you'd expect. And then you're like, all right, make Some hay with a lottery pick.

[Dale Hellestri]

Load up.

[John Holmberg]

You got a top 10 pick here. Get a dude that's going to impact the team. Now Kevin Ray to his credit is absolutely right. In the NBA draft, anything after five, six or seven. And that's true in the NFL draft too. In most drafts, NFL, NFL is a little bit different. You're taking, it's a crapshoot. Like you don't know how many times this player has played. You got a lot of tape, but you don't know against what kind of quality. I saw a stat yesterday, it said in the end and college basketball, the average first round pick plays against another NBA player in college. Somebody that will go on and play and be, you know, proficient in the end. The next level, to the next level once out of every nine games. So you might have 30 or 40 hours of tape on a guy, but it's against people who are never going to play the next level. So a lot of the times a guy will look amazing because he never played anybody that's the next level. He's always been a little better than that. So it's like in baseball when you have a four a player, a dude who can play, he can hit.375 and triple A and can't hit the ball at all in the pros, but somewhere in between, if they had another league, he'd be the king of it. That's it. So the Sun's drafted what appears to be a very athletic, good player. 7 foot 2 inch guy. He's a monster size. He's, he's, Come on, Maluak. He's got a name that sounds like it's out of Indiana Jones. It's outstanding. Comes from Duke, which is scary to me when you have the third best player on the team at Duke with Cooper Flag going first and the Kinnipple kid whose name I absolutely love, the Knipple. And then his brothers are known as the Flying Knipples, which I didn't know that there's five of them and they play basketball all the time and they've won three on three tournaments and stuff that they're hard. The Flying Knipples. Depends on the weather, Brett. So the Flying Knipples and Cooper Flag, they're gone and then this guy's the third one. Come on, Maluak. And usually the third guy drafted off of a good team first is the beneficiary of the other two being really good. Like, you know, there's, there's times when you look at a team like, man, that Duke Team was great. And there's always the third guy that.

[Dale Hellestri]

You feed it down to, the big man.

[John Holmberg]

He was just not being paid attention to as much because the other two dudes were killing it. Maybe that's the case. So anyway, sons get this guy seven two. He's gigantic Sudanese. Very touching story. The first person drafted out of the African nation's basketball universe. They have a national basketball university down there now, and he's the first one that's been drafted out of it.

[Dale Hellestri]

Kevin Bacon, the head coach?

[John Holmberg]

Kind of. Yeah. It's the air up there. Only for realsies. Yeah. People forget the movie Kevin Bacon was in when he went down and said, there's a lot of tall black guys in Africa. I should go coach him. And America said, that makes sense. We should make it a movie. And Disney did. It's one of the most racist things I've ever watched in my life. He's like, there's a. I never seen it. You haven't seen it? No. Oh, my God, Brett, you would love this movie. Based on the idea that from jump. It's like he's just coaching. He's like, geez. And just a bunch of white kids on his. And he hears about an African kid who's gigantic. And so he flies over there and he sees him and he's like, look at all the other ones. This place is lousy with NBA talent. And then he starts coaching and like, it's so bad and so racist practice on the dirt. Right. That they. They don't have concrete in Africa. And we're supposed to go. That's probably accurate.

[Dale Hellestri]

Woven baskets.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the baskets were weaved and like, this guy could go pro. It's so ridiculously dumb. Yeah. They're playing in dirt fields with bouncy. I don't know what they're doing. But we all sat back as. As rich Americans going, this is exactly how this would happen. Well, no, it isn't. They have concrete and buildings and, like, nets and clothing. So anyway, that happened, and the Suns fell for it. So they drafted Kevin Bacon's prospect. Then within, like, two minutes of drafting Kaman Maluwak, which I think if you draft a center at number 10. Right. You're saying to your fan base and your teams, this guy is going to lock down the center position for hopefully the next seven to ten years, wouldn't you?

[Dale Hellestri]

Sure.

[John Holmberg]

Like, you're committing to him. If you're taking him in the. If you get rid of, like, deandre Ayton was here for five. It's a huge disaster. He was supposed to alter the franchise. And this guy reminds me of him. Now he's not a number one over, he's a 10th pick. You're basically saying, hey, fans, this is our center. Within like five minutes of drafting him. They traded their next pick, which is the 29th in the first round, so it might as well be a second round pick and another first round pick in 2029 for a guy named Mark Williams, who's a center who plays in Charlotte. And he's 23 and he's got one year left on his contract. So at the end of that contract, if he doesn't resign, you gave away two draft picks for him and a player. And if he does resign, you're basically saying this new guy we drafted is not the future of the team. I think it just comes down to this, and hopefully I'm wrong. I was wrong about DeAndre 8. I think the Suns are just. I think it's time we said it. It's a bunch of morons. I think it's just a room full of idiots. Just throw an S at the wall and see what sticks. This guy might be good. It's just if you, if you put it in football terms as most, most people understand. The Browns this year drafted two quarterbacks in the draft and got just like, what are you doing? Like, this is dumb. You got one, you got to stick. You can't just go stockpile and then you're wasting picks. I don't get it. Go get some springy dude who can, you know, bounce out of the gym and pick him at 10th and have an impact player right away. And I know that it's a risk, but it's a risk no matter what. This is a risk, too. I don't know. I don't get it. But come on, Maluak. It's. We'll see if Maliwak Fever hits the Valley. I'm not so sure that that's something that's gonna happen. Is he gonna reach in your chest and pull your heart out, too? Yeah, I think he plays. I think he plays concerts in the middle of the day for the chips. I think it's Moloch Malouak. I think it's the same guy. All right, I'm in.

[Dale Hellestri]

Now if he pulls up in a Hearst.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I'm getting that jersey tomorrow, Moluak. And I give Vince Morata the in house voice of the Suns. He has to come up with something for. Come on, Moluak. He can shoot a little bit. He's better. He's better than deandre Ayton in the fact that he can shoot from three. A little. I think he's a little more physical, but not much. He led the league in dunks and his shooting percentage was 71%. He led the league in dunks because everybody was paying attention to Cooper Flag. That's why you had probably the most impactful college player at age 17, which people forget. He graduated high school a year early. He was at age 17. He played last year. Now he'll be 19 in December of this year. So he's gonna. Are you doing Molok? But yeah, the. I don't know, it just seems silly. It seems weird. So I. I feel like he got a lot of his stats based on the idea that you had a couple of, you know, picks before him playing to both freshmen, the nipple kid and. And Cooper Flagg. So, boy, I tell you what, Tom Brennaman here live from wfgs, my favorite radio station. I'm now the morning show host here at WFGS out in Berkenshire, Ohio. It's a tough week for me, I'll tell you that. Cooper Flag. I'm gonna make a mistake saying that one over and over. And I gotta do a whole morning show here on FGS thinking about Cooper Flag. Plus that disabled flag night we had for gave Cripples and Brady. It is just not easy being on the radio.

[Dale Hellestri]

Can't win.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know how you've done it, Brady. I'm articulate, well thought, well spoken, and I've already made mistakes. How have you made it for 25 years is the question.

[Dale Hellestri]

Just cross your fingers, Tom.

[John Holmberg]

I think if I'd taken a Brady approach to broadcasting, I just stumbled around for a while, people would have thought I made mistakes when I said. But anyway, live from the WFGS rolling van, the Rainbow Warrior, we call it. Tom Brennaman. Sports can be a tough one for Tom Flag. Mania is all over the place and he's going to struggle with that one. That's going to get him. Don't say it, don't say it, don't say it. That's going to be in his mind the whole time, Cooper. God damn it, Flag. Yeah, the Knipples are hilarious. They're known as the Knipple brothers.

[Dale Hellestri]

Five Knipples.

[John Holmberg]

Five Knipples. Cash, Caden, Khan, Kingston and Kidman. They're already annoying. They asked the knipple boy that got drafted. I believe it was Khan Knipple. Yeah. All he did was say, oh, it's just a blessing from God. It's a blessing from God. What? A blessing from God. A blessing from God. I'm like, oh, no, it's from Gilbert. You're the Mormon family, aren't you? I didn't know if they were, but they have to be. They were just all about God. They're the Knipples. All the kids are named. They start with K's. I hope their middle names are K. So all their initials are kkk because that would be fitting to a Gilbert family. The Knipples. Change your name? No, we're proud knipples. Kingston, Kager, Cash, Kidman and Khan. The KKK Knipples. They're flying all over the place, the flying Knipples. Then they asked the young one, what do you think of your. Your brother going to. You know, he's been drafted in the NBA. What do you think? He's like, oh, it's a blessing from God. I'm like, you guys just. You just hope God's in your corner. You've been teased so much. You've only got one friend and he's a ghost. Go get him. Knipples, I'm your fan. It's Knipple Night at the. At the old arena. I'm a big fan of that, but we'll see. And I don't know if Kaman Maluak is the sixth Knipple because his first name starts with K2, but this guy says, here's the bright side. Jewburg. God damn it. So it looks like your radio numbers will skyrocket. I saw South Sudan as next door neighbors with Djibouti. Welcome to Phoenix. Come on. That's true. We are doing very well with African downloads.

[Dale Hellestri]

Knipple's mom.

[John Holmberg]

Sherry Norgart. Yeah, no, there's definitely a more. There's got to be a Mormon tie to the Knipples.

[Dale Hellestri]

I said, they played basketball at Wisconsin Lutheran College.

[John Holmberg]

And you know how bad Utah is, not as a team, but as a place. How awful Utah is as a. It's beautiful to look at and you meet the people and you know your place has been ruined. I mean, Utah is so white. I go there and feel like the police might start with me. Well, Utah's so white. I go there and I'm like, ain't this a bitch? I am a minority in Utah. It is weirdly white. It makes me hate white people. Don't drive a Hellcat up there. So Ace Bailey got drafted. He went to Rutgers. And, oh, yeah, you don't want to do a tool around in a Hellcat up in Utah, if you own a hellcat, just when you get to the border, treat it like Mexicans should treat the American border. Just turn around. We should have border patrol in Utah. Like no hellcats. Turn around. We don't have any chicken restaurants. Turn around. Get out of here. Go on. That place is horrible. There's no doubt the KKK knipples are up there anyhow. So Ace Bailey played for Rutgers. Kids got a big afro thing. He's getting. You get picked at fourth or fifth overall, which means you're guaranteed $43 million contract, right? Yeah. Not annually, but that's your contract, right? $43 million. You've ever seen a kid leaving Rutgers, which is in Jersey, and he with the fifth pick, the Utah Jazz choose Ace Bailey. Your name is Ace Bailey. You just made $43 million. And they said the Utah Jazz. And you saw his face go, damn it. You give me $43 million, I'll make Utah work. This dude did not want to go, damn it, I quit. Can I quit yet? No, I quit. Utah sucks so bad. A dude who made $43 million is like, really? You couldn't take the knipple kid. Somebody had already chosen the canople. I'll choose you, Ace Bailey. Ace Bailey is already planning his route out of Utah. Said so at the draft. Basically told everybody, man, Utah, don't draft me. I don't want to go there. Like, we're doing it. You're assholes. That's because you're, as you tell, you're a bunch of assholes. They did it. And the knipple boys were like, we'd have loved to have been picked by Utah. Blessing from God. Take my knipple kids up there hunting, fishing. Yeah, hunting and fishing. And just all round goodness in Utah. No Ace Bailey's anywhere. Until now. We liked Karl Malone because he drove trucks just like us. It was weird. Anyway, the NBA draft was strange. And Suns fans. Maybe I'm wrong. Keep in mind Kevin Ray is very sunny about it. He was flower. He's like, no, he's super athletic. He's this thing. Yeah, but so was Ayton. We. I mean athleticism. I would hope if you're a top 10 pick, the word athletic is part of it. You know, I don't think we should be like, hey, he's not much of an athlete. Well then what are we doing? He's in the NBA draft. They're all athletic. It's a matter of whether or not it works. I don't know who the new coach is. I don't know. I don't know anything about what the Sun's plan is, but evidently it's to have two centers and five shooting guards. And that's basically the whole. I could put. Look, I could build a better team right now with the pieces they gave me in the trades and things. And I'm an idiot. So I just don't get it. Maybe it works. Maybe I'm. Maybe I'll double down on my idiocy and I'll be proven wrong. I'm hoping so. But right now my eyebrow is way up in the air going, what are you doing? Ace Bailey would have been a better pick and would have left him with too many guards. But still, I don't get it. Now you got two centers in the same five minute. There's been another trade. The Suns have. Oh, they just traded for another center. Haven't had one in years and now we've got too many and they're both unproven. And keep in mind, we got Nick Richards from the same exact team we got Mark Williams from. So we've traded away for a terrible team. Centers, both of them. What are you gonna do? Go, Suns, go. Go, Suns, go. You are no clue. You're not anywhere near close to being a competitive playoff team. And I say that and hopefully someone will remember this and rub my face in it because I was wrong. But I don't think I am. We'll see. When was the last great center they've had? Great center? Yeah. Never. Okay, good center. Good center. You go back. Well, Stoudemire played center, but he was more of a wing, more of a forward. And then, you know, the. I don't know. Yeah, you haven't had a great Mark west would probably most memorable good center that they've had. It hasn't been, you know, it's been a minute. And even prior to that, then you're looking back to like Alvin Adams, James Edwards, like real centers. I mean, they're going way back. I wouldn't put anybody that they've had in the last 20 years as a true center. And usually they lost to a team who had a good center. Tim Duncan always beat him. Shaquille always beat him. It was like teams with centers pushed the Suns around because they were athletic forwards trying to play center. I don't know. I don't know what's going on.

[Dale Hellestri]

Amazing. You'd have to say, well, dominating was one of the.

[John Holmberg]

That was. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, don't, don't. He was a center. He Wasn't a better center. He was a complete catastrophe. Rookie year, he's like, hey, this is great. 18 points, 10 rebounds a game. This kid's brand new. If he starts here and he's been. He's been the same or worse ever since. He never surpassed his rookie season's numbers. The new Call of Duty expansion packs head. I mean, that was the fun thing. There were a couple of guys who were like, the one guy's like, what does he like to do in his spare time? Play video games and watch anime. And I'm like, you shouldn't have drafted him. That guy's that guy. I've seen that movie. I know how that ends. You're right. When the expansion packs come out, he's not showing up on time for practice.

[Dale Hellestri]

Doesn't do well in the snow.

[John Holmberg]

No, don't draft him in cold stuff because if there's ice on the ground, he's going to call in sick. Yeah. It says, I worked in Utah for three years. John can confirm that place is full of squares. Oh, yeah. No, it's. The Knipples would. They'd have blended right in and no one would make fun of their name because it's too sexual. And they hate that. Like, they love sex with. Like they love sex, but they don't like talking about or admitting that they love it. That's what they say. It's for procreation to make more knipple kids. Anyway, they've got to be Mormons. That group had to be Mormons. But go get them knipples. I'm proud of you. Here's a picture of knipples Brady, if you want to see them.

[Dale Hellestri]

They're from Minneapolis neighborhood.

[John Holmberg]

They're Minneapolis. Yeah. Even worse. That's the Utah of the Midwest.

[Dale Hellestri]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

The real. The real good then, folk. Real good then. Yeah.

[Dale Hellestri]

Both played.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestri]

College level basketball.

[John Holmberg]

I found that to be surprising that most of the draft they kept saying, mom played in college. Like there's a lot of. And Ron Harper's kid got drafted yesterday. He was the second or third pick. It's pretty cool. There's some good stuff in it. But yeah, the end, the NBA draft was full of canipples and question marks. And we walk away from it wondering. That's all wondering. And then I watched that, I flipped over to the news and you know what? I've. I've discovered I'm officially. I am. I've always known that I was heading this way, but I'm officially my dad in the later stages. I am now yelling at the tv. A lot. A lot, a lot. I'm talking, you jackass. You don't know what you're talking about. I say that to news people all the time. Look at this asshole. My dad used to say that to the TV constantly. Look at this asshole. And I just laugh when guys talking to TV did it. Last night when Sean McLaughlin got into a discussion on the news with the two anchors about why it's so hot in June. Why do you suppose it's so hot in June? The heat wave. I'm like, oh, I don't know. And I said this to the tv. Maybe because it's summertime and it's hot somewhere. Every summer we have the same discussions like, wow, there's a heat wave. What's going on? It's June. Course it's supposed to be. Well, not here even.

[Dale Hellestri]

We're talking about other places right now.

[John Holmberg]

Because we got extreme heat. Yeah, there's a heat wave. Has KTR done their thing? Yeah. Your heat excessive this week? Excessive heat warning. Channel 3 does their first first alert. It's gonna be hot tomorrow. God, why? I don't know. It's June. I don't know. And then they always. Tomorrow will be the anniversary of the 122 degree day. They'll be. Remember that? That was really wonderful. Wonder what was going on then I was, I don't know. June then too, we have this talk. Well, it's hot in other places, right? Because it's summer in the Northern hemisphere. You dumb. It's hot because it's June. But you know what I realized yesterday? Those nut bags that have been saying TV indoctrinates kids, they're right. Because younger people see this and they're like, wow. The older people are talking about this like it's never happened before. Something's going on. And you teach them early on, at an early age that they need to be worried about this heat. We've never seen anything like it. Check out morning sickness [e-mail] it's Dick.

[Dick Toledo]

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[John Holmberg]

It's John Holberg here and it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of My Home Group and Doug Hopkins.com he knows this market up and down and his message is simple and straightforward. He wants to buy your house for cash as is, no repairs or upgrades and a firm final offer with no chance of canceling. If he moves moves it at all, you get $5,000. So while the other guys come and go, Doug Hopkins is here to stay. Sell your home right now and start the entire process online@doug hopkins.com or sing Hopkins 1, 800, now. Morning sickness even though we have every goddamn year. It's either a southern heat wave that sweltering heat sweeps across the southwest. Sweltering heat taking over the plains states. It happens every year. Every year people died in Chicago. So they don't have air conditioning, right? Because they're not gonna spend any money. They're cheap. Cheap. They need to throw that in there. Cheap people died in Chicago cuz they were fingers crossed gonna run the risk. They didn't get hit with a heat wave this year and then they sat in their closed up apartments thinking they'd be okay and they dropped that. They were unhealthy most of the time. People who die in heat waves in Chicago also couldn't get up to get to the fridge to get their diabetes medication. And they had a thing of Hostess cupcakes next to them. And the heat got them and the diabetes. They're 380 pound people who dropped in the heat. They don't ever count that part in.

[Dale Hellestri]

Or they didn't realize the fall got them first.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, they fell down. Yeah, yeah, they fell down. And then they sweltered to death trying to reach for his wet beef sandwich over here. You know, reach my wet beef. I can either reach this needle here for my diabetes or the wet beef. And boy, I. Wet beef looks good. I'm going to expend all my energy on that Portillus. I don't know what's going on around here. They all turn into Sebastian Maniscalco dying. I'm gonna have a wet beef sandwich. So. Yeah. And then I started to think, if you were young and you saw this, it would scare you. If you were like little, you'd be like, oh my God, these guys are surprised. There's something like, we better buy. And this is the end result. We better buy products that make that stop. We better start putting money into things that make that stop. And I know I'm late to the party on this because I always thought, I get it. But I didn't think people were that dumb. They are that dumb. Of course they're that dumb. They're young. They're being told by a generation ahead of them, we don't know what's going on, but we do. This is Kant. I've lived here. This was actually a really normal June. For all the people out there who are confusing, this is pretty. This is the most normal June. It's been kind of mild. To be honest. It's been pretty nice.

[Dale Hellestri]

Some people are upset about that.

[John Holmberg]

I play basketball. I love that court in my yard. I play basketball every night now. I go out. It's beautiful. Like, it's like once the sun starts going down, I'm outside before it's. I'm outside playing ball. It's like, this is actually very tolerable. It's nice. We played golf for six hours two days ago. It was hot, but it wasn't awful. It's a normal June. What's going on out there? Seem it's June off. It's crazy, but it is. It's a way to tell. And I don't think any young people are watching him.

[Dale Hellestri]

He's been here long enough to know that.

[John Holmberg]

I know, but it's not just Him. It's all news, you know, Heat wave. Deadly heat wave. One person drops dead with the Portillo's hot wet beef in their hand. And they blame the heat. They don't blame the fact that the dude's been piling wet beefs in his face every day for the last eight years in the city of broad Shoulders. They. It's always Chicago, too. Four people died in Chicago today without air conditioning. Well, I could have told you that was coming.

[Dale Hellestri]

The bullets are hot.

[John Holmberg]

Bullets are real hot. Hotter than that. Is that a heat death? Is it Covid or heat death when you get hit with a bullet? Stupid. But if all the news is doing it, everybody thinks. And then they go out and buy stuff. No wonder Greta Thunberg so scared. She's pretty. She's pretty convinced this is not normal. And it is. It's June. So let me answer the question for all news people and put it to bed forever. Why is it so hot? Because it's June. Yeah. Here's a prediction. Next summer can be hot in June again. June rolls around, we'll be like, geez, where did this come from?

[Dale Hellestri]

We're already almost through it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's been two more days. We're gonna get some heat. Gonna get some days. We can pretty much expect one 12s, 113s. But then you realize that's what my dad would have said, and that's me. Now, young people are stupid. Of course they're. Of course they're buying into this. And this dumb is telling everybody. Ah, come on. Why do you suppose it's so hot out there? Scene first off, that's not how you pronounce that. I know that's how it's spelled, but your name is Sean, and I know you have a brother named Sean. So your family got cute, but you're not the knipples. You're Sean. And speaking of young and dumb, I didn't know this part. That dude that made Cattel Marte cry at the baseball game, he's 22.

[Dale Hellestri]

22 year old.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, if you hadn't seen that yet. We talked about it yesterday. Cattel Marte was in Chicago at a White Sox game, and he's playing ball and stuff, and somebody shouted something from the crowd. That was such a powerful heckle. Catal Marte emotionally broke down, started to cry, and started getting hugs from his teammate on the field. Like, they said, they're like, let's stop. And I didn't even think of that. Let's stop the game for a second to Just emotionally console him from what was just said. Evidently, it was said while he was in the on deck circle. The kid yelled it, and then it stung so bad that by the time he'd got out there, played baseball, he was sobbing. Now, that tells me because Katel Marte's mother, which was evidently what this kid was making jokes about, passed away eight years ago when that kid was 14. Yeah. So has he been waiting this whole time with this knowledge? I don't think so. So he said something absolutely horrible from the crowd, and he's now banned from all 30 baseball stadiums in Major League Baseball. I don't know how they're going to do that, but he's been banned from all the baseball at age 22. I still stand by my theory that something's going on with Cattel Marte. Not necessarily the mom, but the emotional breakdown tells me he's got more going on than we know. And this just triggered everything. The avalanche came yesterday because evidently he's been piling something up or that kid's knowledge of something is more personal than Cattell wants that to be known. Something leaked out with that kid. 22 years old. You shout a heckle about somebody's mother and he looks up and sees who it is. You're like this dumb. You're not angry at all. Something bigger is going on here.

[Dale Hellestri]

Something hit that.

[John Holmberg]

There's something more to this. This is not. I mean, you know, baseball players hear the worst of the worst.

[Dale Hellestri]

You mentioned it yesterday, but the Steve Kerr thing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestri]

Dad was assassinated.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestri]

And the asu and, you know, so they were chanting U of A. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

U of A fans were chanting her.

[Dale Hellestri]

Had 20 points in the first place.

[John Holmberg]

Well. And that's when they started getting mad because the guy couldn't be stopped. And it was an awful thing that ASU fans were chanting about his assassinated father. They wouldn't stop. It was a terrible moment for Arizona State sports. It was a terrible moment for sports. And they were chanting at him. Yeah, He. He was lighting them up. Marte hit a home run in the first inning of this game. And then something happened. And there's more to it than just a heckle. And we need to, like, we need to hear it because I'm worried more about the mental condition of Catal Marte that. That we're not paying attention, that. Don't blame this kid. He might have been the catalyst for the feeling remorse.

[Dale Hellestri]

Now, he said that.

[John Holmberg]

Who? The kid.

[Joey Avery]

Of course.

[John Holmberg]

He's 22. You're reactionary and stupid. But something more is Going on with Marte to have that reaction to some 22 year old kids, terrible words. Something is wrong with him right now and somebody needs to look into that. Instead of saying, the kid's been banned, go over to Cattell and say, hey, man, what the hell's going on? Are you okay? Because this is. These are the moments when you see somebody melt down into a something. Something else is happening. If I was his friend, I'd be like, I understand. That was painful. That's not a normal reaction. You've got something else you need to talk about, let's go, let's talk about it. Get, get him some help right away. If everybody's all like, oh, mental health this month, there's your signs right there. Because these professional ball players hear everything. Have you ever been in a locker room of a baseball team? It is no holds barred. Yeah, they talk. No, these dudes have some skin on them.

[Dale Hellestri]

And that's why you see the guys that have played in the past or whatever the sport is, like, these kids are getting soft.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, Justin Turner of the Cubs.

[Dale Hellestri]

The other day, heckling, no matter how bad.

[John Holmberg]

Justin Turner of the Cubs the other day was joking around with his teammates because they just constantly mess around with each other. He's at the bottom of the stairs in the dugout and the Cubs do a shot of him down there and he's jumping up and down, dancing, doing something. And the team's laughing at the. In the dugout looking down at him and downstairs. And the broadcast is like, look at that. Justin Turner, 40 years old, still looking like a child out there having the time of his life. And what they didn't realize was at that moment, Justin Turner's nuts were hanging out of his pants and he's doing a ball dance for the guys. And the TV showed it not looking down at his balls were all over. He's helicoptering, he's doing all sorts of stuff with his giant old man balls. And the team was dying laughing at him. These dudes have no boundaries. They're hilarious in the most in the darkest ways possible. So for a fan to shout something stupid and break a dude right there on the field to where they had to stop everything and hug him. Something's going on with Katel Marte. Make sure you address that because I need to know what that kid said. Those are magic words.

[Dale Hellestri]

Put this kid on the front lines, got these powerful phrases.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, go have him take care of that. Ayatollah Khamani and heaven, just say one thing, it starts weeping. It's like, I got him. Don't worry about it. I'm the master. Trump's going to send him over there. It's going to say a lot of N bombs, nuclear. This kid's got a silver tongue. And we're going to. We're going to launch him. It's going to be in charge of the US Embassy in Tehran next. I mean, I thought. I thought I said some crazy. This kid's amazing. He'll break a man down to his core right there with a sentence. And he's only 22. It's only going to get better from here. Yeah. I don't know. I've never had that skill. I've got a pretty. I got a pretty wicked tongue. I don't think I've ever had the skill to just watch this. I'm going to one time this dude and break him emotionally to the point where he can't work. I've never had it. I've. And I know, you know, I have the ability to strike. I lay off of certain things with, you know, I'm not going to hit you hard where it hurts, but I can. I'm not. I don't. I don't think I have anything over anyone that makes it so. Like, why I can emotionally destroy this man in 10 words. It's like the greatest game of Name that Tune ever. Brett. I can emotionally destroy Brady in seven words. John. Destroy that man. It's a. I'll do it. Yeah, we met. We might have a game later today. Say what do you think was said? And just have people. You have like one heckle. Oh, you're asking for. I know. Give me one heckle to the book out to see if you can make me cry. I don't think it's possible unless I'm not in a good mental condition to begin with. If I'm already affected by something absolutely horrible in my life, maybe something triggers that. But anybody in a healthy space, some jackass yelling at him from a distance, a stranger and anonymous. Nobody is not going to do that to you. There's more to this.

[Dale Hellestri]

I still find it really hard to even break down on the field.

[John Holmberg]

I don't break. I don't know that I would break down. Yeah.

[Dale Hellestri]

You know, if anything, I'm back down in the clubhouse. And worse.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you're right. Worse that he actually went out there to the. I can't go. I can't go. I'm gonna. I'm falling apart. Something's going on.

[Dale Hellestri]

Anyone else? You don't hear anything like the people that were next to this kid that was yelling, they realize what he's saying, right?

[John Holmberg]

Did anyone else just start crying?

[Dale Hellestri]

What does that mean?

[Brady]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

Did anyone else and near him go, oh, horrible words? Or what is he doing? Is it another language?

[Dale Hellestri]

I never knew his mom was taken out. So, you know, in the stands, people are like, oh, he's. He's doing like a your mama thing. Like Pratt was saying. Yes.

[John Holmberg]

This guy said, I happen to know that. I don't know if this is true or not. I happen to know this. He wasn't crying because of the mom comment. When Cattell pulled his hamstring, he was over at the casino pretty much every day. I bet the fan yelled out to him that Cattell had been banned from the roulette table and he couldn't. Signed anonymous. This guy happens to know. I don't know that's true or not. They banned him from casinos. I don't know. I just. I feel like there's something so much more. I mean, look, and here's the other thing, is that we usually all. All, at least men use work as a cathartic. A cathartic escape from. I almost said it. From stuff that's going on in our lives. So you cannot have to deal with that. If somebody brings it up, it stings. But, like, I've been through, you know, divorce and issues with the family and all this other stuff that's just inundating my day. And then I come here and it's like, okay, I can get. I can kind of breathe. This is. This is not going to hurt me here. This is a good spot. And I know that nobody's. Even if somebody says something terrible towards me, knowing my situation, like, that's okay. I don't know that person. They can't hurt me. Like, it's weird to me.

[Dale Hellestri]

I got a doozy brewing in the near future for sure.

[John Holmberg]

And. Yeah, but this will be a place that you can come and just go, you know what this is? This is the normalcy of life. And I'm gonna. Yeah, it's. It's weird. And people are also just. Maybe the kid's just soft. Just got another email for two in a row. Could tell. Soft. I don't know about that.

[Dale Hellestri]

That's kind of. This one.

[John Holmberg]

He's all right. He's batting.400 the past 10 games. Tell that pussy to get over it. Right? And that's the fan. There's the fan.

[Dale Hellestri]

Fan and full. I hear that a lot from. Again, like, older players in sports. Like, man, You. You could say, whatever that motivates me. Most of the time on the field, Travis, you know exactly what the fans trying to do.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, right. But he's an anonymous stranger. Like, nothing he says is meaningful. Like, if he hits the mark once, it's an accident.

[Dale Hellestri]

And there's the occasional snap. That happens.

[John Holmberg]

Sure.

[Dale Hellestri]

Mostly in basketball. Well, player goes up in the stands.

[John Holmberg]

That's happened once, you know that's happened was literally Charles Barkley spit on a guy.

[Dale Hellestri]

There's a couple times.

[John Holmberg]

Malice in the palace is the one I think you remember.

[Dale Hellestri]

That's the big one. But then there's another. There's a couple. There's a review of a couple that happened. But, yeah, it rarely.

[John Holmberg]

Going into the stands. And if they did, it is so unbelievably rare that, you know. And I didn't go in the stands.

[Dale Hellestri]

It was. The players started fighting, and a fan came out and started pushing the other player.

[John Holmberg]

Either way, if it's something that happens, like all the things that are said, especially in basketball, you think you'd see more dudes swinging on somebody or breaking down in tears, because they're right there. If I was Cattel, I'd have run our test. That dude, yeah, sure ran up there. This is. This guy's listened a long time. You believe there's more to the Catal Marte crying story than you do the JFK assassination. You really are a Jew. What does that mean?

[Dale Hellestri]

Got you.

[Brady]

Damn it.

[John Holmberg]

He got me. No, I don't think there's more to it than that. I'm just saying.

[Dale Hellestri]

No, it makes sense.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I don't know. There's something else going from the yo mama jokes. All right, now I'm starting to hear about, like, it's just weird. It's just a weird thing. And, you know, the news is all over and should be. But, I mean, I'd be more concerned that Cattel Marte has more going on than we know, because that's. That's not a normal human reaction. We talked about it yesterday, and it's just that as I watched yesterday, the news start to cover. They were all about the fan. Oh, a terrible fan. Terrible fan. Like, hold on. What's going on over here? This dude reacted weirdly to a. And the kid's 22. I get it. Let's give him a little jackassery pass here. It's like, you idiot, you just said something terrible about this guy's mom. Do you know the history? No, I don't. I. If he knows it, then he's A well versed Heckler. At 22, he gets another chance. You tell the 22 year old, you jackass, you're not coming to a game this year. We're done with you. Reset. Come back a little more mature and you'll be done. Because he even said the thing, he's like, I feel bad. I don't think he knew what he said was actually accurate or whatever he had or that bad. Yeah, it was probably an I, your mom thing. And it was, you know.

[Dale Hellestri]

And I mean, that heckling goes on all the time.

[John Holmberg]

Absolutely. I don't know. I don't know what it is. I have no idea what it is. But anyway, it's strange and the Diamondbacks need to start making sure that maybe give Mr. Marte a week off to just go sit in the therapist.

[Dale Hellestri]

I was wondering if he is.

[John Holmberg]

Playing. Yeah, he's fine as far as like, I'll be all right. But his face was all puffy. He'd been crying. Something going on?

[Dale Hellestri]

I'm sure he doesn't like that to be the big story. Can you imagine?

[John Holmberg]

And he's also, as time goes on, the new heckle is going to be. There's no crying in baseball. He's going to start catching it now. So yeah, the tears made it worse. There's going to be Tom Hanks cutouts in the stands and stuff.

[Dale Hellestri]

Not to put up on the big screen.

[John Holmberg]

Are you crying? There's no crying in baseball. They're going to nail him with it. If I was the, you know, look, Major League Baseball would fire me. But if I was the dude in the booth, I'm like, can I do the no crying thing on the big screen? You better not crying. You know, I might just do is that there's a snake in my boot and I just do a lot of Tom Hanks quotes and have cattell worry that the one's coming. Damn it. They're gonna hit me, aren't they? Anyway, what the hell's going on out there in the field? They've stopped the game here. Tom Brennaman from wfgs. The hell's going on out there? Tell Marte's getting a hug. Here comes the trainer. He's hugging him. I think he's hurt. I do too, Tommy. That's right, cowboy. I'm pretty sure his feelings are hurt. Can you go in the DL for that? What a wfgs. We'll be right back. We're gonna send that to Tom. He's just gonna go, you jackass. This jerk off down in Phoenix you jackass. It would be great if he worked at wfgs, though. Thought of that last night and I started laughing.

[Dale Hellestri]

New partner, Beth Mullins, Cowgirl Owens.

[John Holmberg]

That's right, Cowboy. He'd still call her Cowboy. Geez, Thomas, it looks like somebody out there is crying. That's right, Beth Cash. Cowgirl Boy, whatever. We don't tolerate tears here at fgs. I don't know. I don't know. It's just weird. It was a strange situation. I feel bad for Cattell, but it seems like they're. More will come from this. Hopefully people will understand it. But heckling is still part of the game. And if the dudes start breaking down crying, guess what? It's going to get worse. If they know. If hecklers realize, oh my God, I can make them cry, they're not going to stop in meaningful games. If the Diamondbacks are in the playoffs again, Marte is going to get hammered.

[Dale Hellestri]

Fans, please be more sensitive.

[John Holmberg]

We remind you that Cattel Marte is very sensitive, like a woman. Don't say anything about his mother, please. Fans, please. Now enjoy the ball game and go Rangers. Rangers. Fans, like what? We can make that dude cry. Remember we used to do it here when we get a phone call from a guy and you're like, oh, this one's about to cry. And we'd start playing sad music in the background. So let's see if we can make him cry. That's good for him.

[Dale Hellestri]

The right question.

[John Holmberg]

It's great for ratings. And I'd go down lines ago. Tell me about your sister. Well, she was in a. We found her in a landfill. Like, oh, my God.

[Dale Hellestri]

Which one wasn't the Rocky? We used the.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it was the sad Rocky music. And every time we go, that dude's about to go. We're about to lose a. I'll be like, oh, geez, I hope he's okay. Cue the music. Yeah. Gotta find that music and make sure he's all right. I can't find it.

[Dale Hellestri]

My wife and I got into a big argument.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know, man. I mean, I made some mistakes and stuff. Just seems like she's. She's not gonna be around much longer because of my bad behavior. Are you gonna cry? No, I'm all right. I think you might cry. We got one. Hey, we got one on the hook. We got one on the hook. Yeah. Hold on a second. Hold on.

[Dale Hellestri]

Sometimes they would hold for like five minutes.

[John Holmberg]

We got a crier on on two. And I'm like, all right, let. No, we never got anybody to just lose it. But this is what it would have been like. All right, we got Dave on line. Three of you there. My wife is. She packed up last night. She took off. She said drink too many high Noons.

[Dale Hellestri]

You let them soak in that music just a little bit. It works.

[John Holmberg]

I had 12 or 13 high noons yesterday. She's pregnant. She left. Tell me more about that, Doug. Well, I had them delivered by that bear grizzly thing and bring it over to the house. That was, uh. Huh.

[Dale Hellestri]

That's really tough.

[John Holmberg]

You think she's coming back or is she. You think she shacked up with somebody else with a bigger dick? I haven't thought about it that far down the road, to be honest.

[Dale Hellestri]

Just know we're here for you, brother.

[John Holmberg]

I'm pretty sure she wouldn't leave you for somebody with a smaller dick. I'm not. I don't know. Something in my eye on the phone.

[Dale Hellestri]

It's okay. Let it out.

[John Holmberg]

Let it out. You're with friends. Friends with bigger dicks who are probably all gonna bury it in that whore that just left you. I'm sorry.

[Dale Hellestri]

Your nose is small.

[John Holmberg]

Anyway, she's the third one that left me. And I don't know, I'm thinking it's probably tiny little tatcher. I don't know. I'm gonna go now. I gotta go back to work.

[Dale Hellestri]

Thanks for talking to me.

[John Holmberg]

You got it. Thanks for calling, Doug. We'll see you downstairs in sales. He was one of ours anyway.

[Dale Hellestri]

The girls were about every time.

[John Holmberg]

Girls supposed to cry. Girls are. We make girls cry. Nobody in the WNBA has ever started sobbing on the court because of what someone said. This is weird. This is weird. It's weirder than people are saying it's weird in the way sports stations are handling it. Everybody wants to be the hero of protect the players. Blah blah, blah, blah, blah fan, blah blah blah. Banned him guy. He's a jerk. I'm like, all right, you're right. What's going on with this guy? Good. That means at least I'll get rid of the kissing cam and the muscle cam now. And we'll get the crying cam. That's right. Make them cry if you're on the verge of tears. Let me tell you something. Your wife is banging a guy with a much bigger dick. Let's take a look at these sad, confused guy cam. Yeah. They go through the crowd. It's just guys sitting there arguing with a woman. I'm not. I swear, I'm not the guy. The big vice guy said you're banging somebody with a bigger dick. I'm not. He doesn't have the bigger dick. Wait a minute. What do you mean? You are banging another guy but he's got an equal sized dick. Sad fighting couple cam. I'd watch that all day. That would be pretty cool. This one dude's job at the ballpark is to find a couple fighting, put them on the screen. They're in there every day. They're in there every day. Anyway, your mama joke shouldn't make you cry. Should be tougher than that. He's from the city. Let's get ourselves a wake up song, shall we? 585-9800. A good one and we'll scream it together. It's 98 KUP. Wake up.

[Brady]

Arizona's most powerful rock radio station.

[John Holmberg]

He said fully erected.

[Dick Toledo]

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[John Holmberg]

Still streaming.

[Brady]

Homur's morning sickness online at 98kupd.com thank you very much.

[John Holmberg]

Miles to nowhere it is beautiful. Beautiful day. Brett's on his way out. We'll tell you that in a second. But I got an email from a guy who says I'm here in Forward operating base in Afghanistan. Me and my buddy were pulling watch, getting pretty late depending on how you look at it. In order to stay awake and keep an eye, keep us occupied, we started to tell your mama jokes. I did the classic, your mom's so fat, she's still a virgin. Everyone that had sex with her just knocking folds like, oh, that's nice. Good shot. Good shot. My buddy Tiny turns and says, oh, yeah, last time I had sex with your mom, it was a puff of dust. And I just stared at him for what felt like about 2 minutes until he realized my mom passed away in 06 and was cremated. He was horrified. He's like, oh, no, no, no. I didn't mean it like that, man. I'm sorry. It was still the funniest thing that's ever happened. And I said, don't worry about it. You didn't know. So. Besides, I just got done pegging your mom's urn. All right? That's how dudes act. And if nobody was crying at that. We gotta figure out what happened here. I got a lot of people emailing me saying, marte's at the casino a lot. I don't know if that's true or not. Don't get on me for that.

[Dale Hellestri]

One guy was saying he threw out a figure.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Threw out half a million. So we watched him. He was like, it was at least half a million. I don't know if that's true. People could be making stuff up. But boy, oh, boy. Brett's on his way out this morning. Oh, he's gotta be loving this. 35th Avenue in Bell. He's going to the Safeway. He'll be all right. Word Safe is right there in it. 35th Avenue in Bell. Why? Well, of course it's Operation Hydration. It's Thursday, and we're gonna get that water out there. I told you. Last week, I went out on one of the runs with Phoenix Rescue mission to drop water off and watch these guys change lives. It's an amazing thing. This water goes straight from your hands to us, right into the hands of the people who are gonna need it. And that is awesome. There's no middle. We're actually the middle operation. We're the middlemen, and we're getting it right to the people who can deliver it and make things different. It was a you, baby. It was gold. It was the people that needed it. Their hands were up like we were handing out chunks of gold. Who wants a water hands? And it was crazy. And it was about 108 or 9 when we were outside that day. It was pretty hot. You can help out when you do. You're doing great stuff. Now we're not here next week. We're off for the fourth of July. So this has got to double down. We're going to need your help there. 35th Avenue in Bell, and Brett wants to meet everybody who lives in that area. Digital summer fans, come on out. It's 35th Avenue team. It's for you, for the boys used to live sing about it. So get on out there, drop off a case of water and help out Operation hydration. Brett is waiting on you. He's got Chevelle tickets. That's going to happen at Talking stick Resort Amphitheater, September 21st. A full show from Chevelle. It's been a minute since they've headlined, so you get an hour and a half of Chevelle rather than their. Their festival shows, which we had them last year and they were amazing for the 45. They were on stage. Falling in reverse tickets. He's got those as well. That's just three days after Chevelle's at Talking Stick Amphitheater. Falling in reverse will be there as well. So hang out with Brett and make sure that gets done proper. I'm getting all your mama jokes and everybody wants to have the contest of, like, see if you can make someone in the morning sickness cry. A, it's no way it would happen. B, it's an FCC nightmare. I think from what you guys would call up with is trying to make us cry. I don't think you have the ability to censor yourself. And, well, frankly, we just can't afford it. We're just. I'm just not gonna. Look, I'm not gonna fire off any checks for you guys jackassing around. Although. Very funny. You can email me. Try to make us cry through email. But I. I don't think it's possible. I don't think we're all pretty steady and capable. You can take swings at us.

[Dale Hellestri]

Yeah, it doesn't make you cry. Just, what a jerk.

[John Holmberg]

Mainly because I just don't know you right. You know, if my mom calls me out of the blue and starts talking about how much she hates me and wishes I was dead, I'd be surprised. I'm not even sure that would make me cry. Just be like, oh, mom's gone nuts. I think I'd be more worried about why this is happen or just get rid of her. Call up Brett. Go. Hey, we lost my mom. So time for you to do your work. Speaking of getting rid of things, I love documentaries. I don't watch any TV anymore outside of documentaries. If you don't get me a murder episode or a documentary that's interesting, watch the Ohio State one. A couple nights ago, Kevin Ray was watching. He texted me yesterday and he's like, if you watch that, I'm like, surviving Ohio State. He goes, man, just another reason to hate the Ohio State. And I'm like, it's the reason. All the other stuff was just dumb. Now there's an actual reason to go burn it to the ground. It's a terrible thing. Another one. And I'm only two episodes in. I got one left. The mortician. Have you seen that?

[Dale Hellestri]

I started it.

[John Holmberg]

We got to be getting close to raping the bodies. So basically. And it's in Pasadena, California. I used to hang out in Pasadena all the time. I love Pasadena. It's one of my favorite places. Colorado Boulevard all the way up Orange Grove Green. All these streets, they're just awesome. I love Pasadena.

[Dale Hellestri]

Those jacarandas are popping.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, forget it. That's all over Southern California, but the jacaranda's in June, right. Right about now probably just tree lined streets, purple flowers falling like you're in a dream and nothing cool. Pasadena is gorgeous. And I love the city. I've been there for a while. But I love the. The just the. I love everything about it. So I used to know that area pretty well, but I didn't ever know this. And there's a place called Lamb. Lamb Funeral Homes. Which is now because I looked it up on Google Maps last night. Same building. They just took out the Lamb Funeral Home sign and put in. It's an electrical machine place now supply. Which is funny because it's the same building. So now that I'm sure everybody's going that's where the. So basically this dude. And I don't know if you've got anybody in your life that just passed or whatever. Something that resonated with me watching the documentary was one of the guys who worked there said I didn't realize how many people died every day you work in. You and my uncle's parents used to be morticians. And their basement had the thing didn't have a crematorium but they had. They would do embalming and auto or not autopsy, but you know, dress them up. You know, they do the.

[Dale Hellestri]

Get them prepped.

[John Holmberg]

Get them prepped. They prep them up for their box. And I was down there a couple of times evidently as a little boy with dead bodies. Now I remember being in their basement, but I don't remember there being dead bodies down there. And there were a couple on the slab, whatever. And I drew on their walls and they thought it was adorable. So they kept it. I'm like, well, who's going to mind that? You know? But the one thing the guy in the documentary said, I didn't know how many people died every day. And so he worked there as a dude who shoved the bodies into the crematorium, right? So it was basically his nice little funeral home in Pasadena, Las Robles. And that was the name of that street. Orange grove. Yeah, Orange Grove in Los Robles. And it's a beautiful area. And so people. It was a family operation, everything else. And the first episode when they said that this dude was like, I'll. I'll go pick up these bodies. So they get this box truck, and they just go to morgue after morgue and just push them into the box. So, like, stacking human beings like cordwood, all the way up into the box truck, get it back to the crematorium, get them in there, shove them in the freezers. And the dude who ran it was the son of the. Well, the grandson of the people who started it and the son of the people who were running it. And he's like, I'll do the cremations. We'll start that whole deal. Because that's bigger now than burials, and we'll get that going. So the mom's like, you go get him. And the dudes, they interviewed this guy, he's in the documentary. And evidently, in order to expedite time to get these bodies burned, they just stuffed 10, 11, 12 into the thing, and they don't fit. So they're breaking arms, they're cutting stuff off. They had this meat hook that they would jam into, like, armpits to maneuver them to make sure they all fit. Like, once they were piled up, like.

[Dale Hellestri]

You'Re stoking the wood sort of.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, like one of those things. Only the big ones, like when you're moving sides of beef, you see those. And the dude's interview, he's like, well, come on. They're not human anymore. They're not. They're dead. And he goes. And I'm. We're getting through the process. One body takes me two and a half hours. Ten of them takes me three. What would you do? Well, wouldn't do that. So he's getting them in there, and they'd cut fingers off and take the rings and all this other stuff.

[Dale Hellestri]

But you're charging them like it's an individual.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you're telling them you're. Actually, here's the thing where I kind of sided with the mortician. He's like, look, first Off, I can burn one body. And he goes, but ask any mortician this question. And this is where. Look, I agree and I disagree. He was right about this. He goes, you never clean up all the ash. He goes, so this whole co Mingling thing, if you get ashes and somebody's out there crying, you get ashes back from a crematorium. It's dozens and dozens of people's ashes. Even if you just had one body in there, we can't clean up all of the last. Guys. You ever try to clean your fireplace, there's ashes you're gonna catch. You have to just make it spotless. It would take hours. We'd get one of them, Right. We do one a day, max. And even still, it's so hot in there. It's hotter than your fireplace. It's so hot in there that it's cooked down. So even scrubbing it, you're just picking up the ashes. So you lay another body on top of that, you're getting the ashes of multiple people, no matter what. And he goes, so what's the difference? And you're like, well, the difference is you lie to people and tell them that it's only those ashes. And now you're putting in 12, 13 bodies at a time, so you're still a jackass. And he's like, yeah, but, you know, what are you gonna do? I'm charging these people 55 bucks. And I'm like, hey, it's an unbelievable rate. There's the issue. Do you. This was my question, and I don't know where I stand on it. Just a question. Do you love your loved one if you seek out the discount crematorium? Also, if you're. That. This is the way I look at things all the time with, like, we talked about it with the recycling. Everybody wants to leave it in someone else's hands and feel good about themselves. I recycle. Do you? Or do you just put it in a bin and hope that it gets done the right way? Because you're not really recycling. You're just. You have a blue trash can.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestri]

You still haven't recycled.

[John Holmberg]

You haven't done anything. You're just. You're just assuming.

[Dale Hellestri]

You're a pre.

[John Holmberg]

Sort, Right? Yeah. You're assuming that other people will do that. If you really cared. None of us have this kind of time. If you really cared about recycling, you do it yourself to make sure it gets done right. I kind of felt the same way about cremation after watching this documentary. If I had you, Brady, and I was the power of attorney. And I was making sure that you were taken care of. And I'm like, you know what? I want to. And it meant something to me that I. That I didn't just trust this stranger with the corpse of my friend. Which we do think of that like, it's like, okay, he's got it. He'll be fine. I don't know him, but he seems nice. He's gonna burn the body, my friend. And it means the world to me that this gets done right. But I'm not gonna do any hanging around or, you know, making sure or diligence or anything like that. So in a weird way, it's on us to trust strangers with our loved ones corpses, right? That we. And then we find out they did what. And it's like, yeah, you're putting the trust of something wildly important to the stranger. And then the dude interviewed like 55 bucks. They didn't care that much about these people. They were looking for a deal and I was looking to make money and they were looking to save money. So I did my thing and they did theirs. And I'm like, whoa, the dude's cold hearted and awful, but he's not wrong. And it made me really like, consider this whole crazy.

[Dale Hellestri]

The ones that are charging way more than that.

[John Holmberg]

That was what he saw. That. Exactly. And then there's other. And he goes, trust me, he goes, you're sitting there and you get the scrub out and you try to get as much ash off of that thing as possible. You're losing money with every second. And you're like, all right, you're a businessman and you have to remember the crematorium is a business. 55 bucks and 55 a body. You gotta go, volume, man. And he was making 30 and 40 grand a month. And nobody was like, hey, how are you doing this? Because there's only 24 hours in a day maximum. You're getting 9, 10 bodies done at 55 a body. How are you hitting it? So it you start really. And. But then the problem became people who questioned him, he killed. He had beaten up or killed. The documentary is unbelievable. Second episode just ended where they accidentally burned the crematorium down. Dude's getting high in there. Burned it down. So they went out to this place and said that they were burning ceramics and making stuff for space shuttle. People believed him, but they were just 200 bodies at a time. The dude had a backlog. Wow. And he's just, he's just cooking. So at that point he's like, I'm so far behind. I'm just giving ashes to people who are due up next. Here you go. He said, what does it matter? The ashes are symbolic. Most time. He made a great point again. Most of the time I did the sprinkling amount at sea and he goes. And I would pour one dude out and half family wouldn't even be there. They just knew it was happening. We'd send them a tape or whatever, and then I'd pour another guy right on top of him. What's the difference, you know? Like, man, he's making great points for being a horrible, horrible human being. It would. There's no emotion in it. And I even said that again to the television. I'm like, well, you know, people's emotions are the problem. Like, you're dealing with people's emotions. And he goes, people need to be less emotional. Like, he heard me. And I'm like, the TV's talking back.

[Dale Hellestri]

So is the guy being interviewed, the former owner?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestri]

Is he talking for prison?

[John Holmberg]

Just let him out.

[Dale Hellestri]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

They just let him out. So. And he even said, what did he end up doing? I don't remember the time. I think they're getting more into that. I, I. There's a third episode, and I have to think that there's going to be sex with the bodies now, because everything keeps taking steps to the next level.

[Dale Hellestri]

How do you defend that one, then?

[John Holmberg]

You don't. Yeah. There's no defending what he did.

[Dale Hellestri]

Not really defending, but how in his mind were he. He's thinking.

[John Holmberg]

His philosophy is incredibly pragmatic and logical.

[Dale Hellestri]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Again, human emotion steps in and you can't do anything he's saying unless you just say there's no emotion involved. If you say there's no emotion involved, we'd all do it. Nobody would care. But the fact that there is and it means something to people and it's like. And you're promising them. No, I'm doing it this way. And you're telling them one thing and actually doing another. There's where the issues are. Yeah, but when you think about the 55 bucks, like, if I, if I shop your funeral costs down to, like, lowest bidder, that's equally as morally reprehensible as it is anything else.

[Dale Hellestri]

As I recall, most recently, like, Ronnie's aunt in Denver in December, basically just for the urn. And the cremation was 2292,200 expensive.

[John Holmberg]

And that's pretty good because I've seen.

[Dale Hellestri]

We checked and we didn't know where to go necessarily. In Denver.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestri]

We had to take her out of the morgue and.

[John Holmberg]

Right. Move them around.

[Dale Hellestri]

We called three places, and you went anywhere from.

[John Holmberg]

You also trust those places?

[Dale Hellestri]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

For no reason at all. There's zero reason for you to trust them at all, other than they say they do a certain thing, and that's.

[Dale Hellestri]

A basic urn, too.

[John Holmberg]

Sure. Oh, no. If you watch Fox News ever. Evidently, a lot of tired old people watch because all their advertisements are for sleep aids, pillows, and the average cost of a funeral. Yeah, I see that one also. Average cost of A funeral is $9,729. I'm like, Jesus, yeah.

[Dale Hellestri]

That's not even starting the.

[Brady]

No.

[Dale Hellestri]

The coffins is where it gets up there. And then if you're getting up to, you know, headstones or.

[John Holmberg]

This guy says, my dad passed away in 2018, and my mom and I spent some loot to have a funeral and a burial. We utilized GoFundMe because it was $5,500. If all I had to do was pay 55 bucks and cremate my dad, that would have been a lot easier. So I'm gonna have to redo my final wishes. Yeah. Well, call Trajan and get your estate plan. But watch this thing and then. But do it without the emotion. Try to be like me. Try to be a sociopath like me. Try to do it without emotion and hear what the guy's saying and realize you're the jackasses that just saw my business card and said he'll do it. Essentially, that was his message that had to undercut anyone in Pasadena destroying California. He went from like a thousand a year to 25,000 bodies. He was just. And people are like, this is. The deal's too good to ask questions. And the second somebody asks questions, they beat him up. And then he admitted to poisoning them with oleander leaves and killing them. He told the guy in jail, he's like, I just took some oleander leaves and I put it in a salad. Two days later, it killed him. Which I didn't know you could do with oleanders, by the way. I knew that they'd make you sick.

[Dale Hellestri]

But he got out.

[John Holmberg]

He admitted in jail, never got tried for. He's like, you don't have anything on me with that. It's like some celly told him, like, yeah, the guy told me he did it with oleanders. Like, yeah, I never did that. I might have met that guy when he denies that being true, but in a weird way, I was listening to that mortician, and I'm like, Something's wrong with me because this dude's making a lot of sense. We put so much trust in anybody that says, I'm an electrician. And they just show you a card, and you're like, trust them to dig into your walls and tear into your electrical. And how many times have they screwed up? Most of them are great, but we just assume. All right, well, they say they are, and they must be. And then when it comes to something as serious as your loved one's body, we do the exact same thing. This guy runs a store. He must be good. I probably regulated. Never looked into it. Don't care. 55 bucks. Too good to pass up. You got it.

[Brady]

Here you go.

[John Holmberg]

Go get the body. And you don't stand by the machines, and you don't sit there and go, I don't know you. Why would I.

[Dale Hellestri]

Would you do this with the kilns first, right?

[John Holmberg]

So then they found a thing because his mom, who was this angel that everybody loved, was secretly in on it. And they were in one of her drawers, and on a list, it showed how much ash per pound. Like. Like, if Brady died, this one would probably be about this much weight. So then they would scoop it out, put it on a scale and, like, give it into people. Like, this is about right? Baby was an envelope.

[Dale Hellestri]

I noticed she had it written down. Baby, I noticed he had, like, a little cup.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, she had. Well, she had a piece of the father's house. Yeah. She didn't get the whole dad. Yeah, like, her dad was dead. And then a whole bunch of people got. They're popping gold teeth, whatever. But the thing on the list had, you know. Male, this size is about this much in an urn. Female, this size, about this much in her baby envelope. So you just filled an envelope. That should do it. And then they poured that into the baby's urn. And I'm like, this is disgusting. But she was in on it, too. And the whole family had been doing it the whole time. But, like, if you had your living daughter and you're like, a guy just said, hi, I'm a babysitter, you would look into it, right? You'd be like, I'm not gonna let this stranger just have her for a day. I'm gonna look into. I don't just trust this. Yeah.

[Dale Hellestri]

If I'm calling. Especially if you're calling a service, right?

[John Holmberg]

Even if it's like a Kindercare or something, one of those places you at least go through and look around and goes, everything all right? You check Yelp reviews for restaurants, for God's sakes. With a dead body with a human loved one. We just. You got it. Because A. We don't want to see their dead body. I think that's the bigger thing.

[Dale Hellestri]

I mean, we were.

[John Holmberg]

Everything's on the phone, right? And you just get it over with because a. It's. It's emotionally hard.

[Dale Hellestri]

The box arrives, Right.

[John Holmberg]

It's weird. And then that shows up. Do it with my dogs. I'm. I've dug through. When Benny died, I opened up the urn, and the ashes are in a bag. And I just felt around because he had a metal implant in his knee. And I'm like, I wonder if this is him. And I know for a fact that the dog crematorium.

[Dale Hellestri]

It'S a mix.

[John Holmberg]

You're not getting your whole dog. But it's symbolic. Symbolic. I'm really.

[Dale Hellestri]

No, it wouldn't bother me that much. I understand how that would.

[John Holmberg]

It would. If that. If that metal thing wasn't in the ashes and it was. Yeah, it would have bothered me. There was something about that. They comforted me. Go. He. This is mostly him. But there's no way is that just.

[Dale Hellestri]

To kind of verify in a way.

[John Holmberg]

That was for me to say, I wonder. Because in my head, I'm like, I.

[Dale Hellestri]

Wonder if this is bad sometimes. I thought they'd sift that stuff out, but they don't, I guess.

[John Holmberg]

No, that's the thing. If it's. If it's just one.

[Dale Hellestri]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

The prosthetics and things that are inside you, they don't burn. Like your metal parts won't burn. His. His band on his knee for his ACL tear was pristine. And he's in the ashes, and it's. You know, it's awful. And thumbing around the ashes of your dog. Right. A couple of them. And both of them have the same. That made me feel better. But deep down, I know for a fact that a dog crematorium, an animal crematorium, they got too much business. They can't go messing around with, you know, cleaning it out every single time or whatever. There's just churn and churn.

[Dale Hellestri]

And it's not 55 bucks.

[John Holmberg]

No, it wasn't at all. It's a wild. If you let it manipulate you emotionally, you'll hate this guy and everything he does because you're right to do it. But if you actually sit back and think about it for a second, you're like, it's kind of our fault for trusting strangers with corpses. It's just an Immediate trust to. It's the same as recycling. I don't want any part of this dirty ass job. But I know that if I just put it in that blue one, somebody else will do this. Slaughterhouses. We don't want to do it, but we want to bitch about how it gets done.

[Dick Toledo]

You're shifting the responsibility you don't want completely.

[John Holmberg]

And it's. You know, when your family dies, the last thing you want to do is be in a room with their dead body. I was there when my uncle died. My aunt couldn't let his body go. It was weird. I told this story before. She started to give him a handy. She started to tug his corpse. She was lost, an emotional basket. I'll never have this again. And I'm like, whoa, whoa. My dad's like, all right, all right, that's enough. Like. And I'm like, no, let him see. Let's. Let's let this guy have one more. See if it. See if he finishes what's in there. Like, I got curious.

[Dick Toledo]

Maybe she thought it would reawaken him.

[John Holmberg]

It's. What if you jerk off a dead guy and he comes back to life and we find out that's like the genie's lamp. Speaking of, I saw on Instagram the other day, a guy was. Had a genie, and the genie's like, all right, one more wish. But come on, be serious about it. I said, what? He goes, be serious. He goes, all right, I'll be serious. Genius. Where my third wish. Don't do anything weird. He's like, I won't. My third wish will be good. I think. I'm serious. I'll grant you your wish, but don't do it. Like, the first two. Stop it. And he goes, okay, okay, third wish. I wish for one more awesome genie blowjob. She's like, God damn it. So I died laughing at that. But again, we trust strangers to handle our corpses and then get mad when they mishandle them. The trust factor of a stranger handling your loved one's dead body is sort of on you personally.

[Dale Hellestri]

We do it with a lot of things.

[Dick Toledo]

I just want that out of mind.

[John Holmberg]

Sure. You don't want to be around your dead body?

[Dick Toledo]

I want a bag of ashes. I don't want to.

[John Holmberg]

You don't?

[Dick Toledo]

I want it.

[John Holmberg]

No, you don't want the Internet stuff. See, I like that for my dogs.

[Dick Toledo]

I mean, I know I'm gonna get it because I want to be cremated, but I don't want to put that on Alex. No, like, just.

[John Holmberg]

I don't Care what?

[Dick Toledo]

Go and bury the ashes. Do something. Like, it's just weird.

[Dale Hellestri]

Well, that would be. And that's where, again, it's helpful to say, all right, porm somewhere.

[Dick Toledo]

Or like you said, whatever they give you. If it's briquettes.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's what the dude said. He said half these families just say, take it out in the boat and do it yourself. Just send us a picture. Yeah, they don't want to be out there. Like, they have that thing you have. Like, I don't want to be around this. I don't want to watch ashes go. I don't want to see ashes of my dead dad. I don't want to see it. I just know that's where he wants to be. Ashes of my dead dad. Good album name. Not a band name. Good album name. Weird. It was. It was. It really was kind of eye opening to me. But again, try to if you can, because it's hard to do. Compartmentalize this and say, isn't it. Isn't it a little bit on us to deflect this entire operation to some strangers and then expect everything's hunky dory, everything's perfect. It's not.

[Dick Toledo]

I watched the trailer for that, and you. You get mad when he's saying, what's the differ? Sure, you're like. You're just callous. And like, what you said when you brought it up, I'm like, you're right.

[John Holmberg]

He's horrible.

[Dick Toledo]

What is the difference of putting 10. Like. Like you said, take the emotion out of it. What's the difference in putting 10 bodies in there? You just want a lesser percentage of the other stuff. With your ashes.

[John Holmberg]

There's a. There's an answer to all of it. It's the. It's the classic thing that no human being has the ability to do anymore, which is to make two things true at once. He's horrible, and everything he was doing was wrong, but his logic behind it makes sense. He's a businessman. You trusted me with the body. Why? Because I said I was okay, John. You could have told you I'm a Merlin, and you would have been like, no, that's crazy. Like, you. You gave me. Yeah, something that you wanted, handled a certain way, and then you disappeared. I could have done whatever I wanted. You weren't watching. You don't know me, John.

[Dick Toledo]

You're crushing me. I paid a premium to have my Molly cremated, alone, with no other dogs. They called me, let me know my dog's ashes were ready, went and picked up the ashes. Two weeks later, those MFers called me again to let me know my dog was ready. Oh, so now I don't feel like I have just her ashes. I don't know who the F's ashes I have. It sucks.

[John Holmberg]

But again, there's where I have to say it's your emotion. It's symbolic.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Terribly odd, but symbolic. And you don't want it to be, but it is. The ashes mean nothing other than your emotion, your symbolism, and everything else. So it could be the ashes. Like you said, it could be out of a charcoal grill. You're not gonna know. There's something. Something. Check out Homework's morning sickness [e-mail] it's.

[Dick Toledo]

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[John Holmberg]

Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And that's when the. The. The brain of a businessman kicks in. These people won't know you're kicking. There's no identifying feature. It's scary, right?

[Dick Toledo]

You're kicking people in the pills.

[John Holmberg]

That's not me. I'm. Damn it.

[Dick Toledo]

Now I'm thinking. I got some of my dad's ashes put in ink and got a tattoo from it. Now I'm curious who the f ashes I got injected in me?

[John Holmberg]

Some Haitian AIDS patient. You don't know? No.

[Dale Hellestri]

It's your dad's.

[John Holmberg]

It's your dad's. Just believe it.

[Dick Toledo]

Is that on Max, people are asking.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, it gets a little draggy in the second one, but it's good because you're like, what else is coming? And then the end of the second episode, you're like, oh, now the dudes now. Now we're harvesting organs. They were against people's will. And you don't know, he was making a fortune selling people's organs to like underground labs and stuff. Like, yeah, why wouldn't.

[Dale Hellestri]

Big money.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody's watching. You guys just gave me this body and said, go nuts. And I did. And nobody complained until somebody squealed.

[Dick Toledo]

John, I don't know if this matters or not, but I think with animals they do put them in certain sections. It's a large oven. So you've got sections where one dog is and then they sweep off that section into. Into an area. So you're more likely to get your dog as long as they give you the right section.

[John Holmberg]

I want to believe what you say.

[Dick Toledo]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

But you know what I didn't do?

[Dale Hellestri]

There's an AI camera.

[John Holmberg]

You know what I didn't do? Follow through. True. Just believed it. I believed it to be true. So I let that whole rose colored life just like, nope.

[Dale Hellestri]

And are you gonna change?

[John Holmberg]

Yep.

[Dale Hellestri]

On the next one?

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

But I also, you know, my brain will also say, why? Why wouldn't there be one bad guy in this industry? Why? Why in the world is this such a wonderful group of like minded people that would never do anything wrong or never.

[Dale Hellestri]

I've never seen that secret the whole time.

[John Holmberg]

But. But, no, but I've never seen that in any industry where it's like, wow, everybody is on the up and up. Yeah. There's always somebody that goes, we could be in Atlanta. Look, this business we're in right here, there's always somebody that says, where are we missing out making more money? How do we streamline this? Where's the money? Where's the fastest? How do we speed this up and make more money? How do we churn and burn? Pardon the pun. More, more, more, more. Nobody's sitting there going, I'm gonna do it right and I'm not gonna make a penny doing it. You're not doing that.

[Dick Toledo]

John, can you have Toledo work on an AI version of the album Daddy's Ashes by Dude, Soup in the meat tube.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, but it is, you know, it is a trust factor. We all should be able to trust and should want to trust somebody that says, this is what they do. Because we assume immediately and assign them a status of angelic, wonderful human being because they've decided to take this life on. Now I happen to also know I've met two people that were in the business when I was little. I never got to know my uncle's parents. I didn't know they were by marriage. I just knew that I didn't know. You know, I didn't sit down and talk to them about why they. They're around death all the time. They are numb to it. This is no longer a. You know what they do really well? Feign emotion. Console you. They know exactly what to say. They know exactly how to say it. They say it 30 times a day. It means something because they're. They're passionate about what they do. But bottom line is they're running a business business. And it's a recession proof business. It's one of the smartest things you can get involved in. Death knows no economy. John.

[Dick Toledo]

I've already adjusted myself. I have sex with a dead person at least once a week. She's my wife.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you, Nathan.

[Dale Hellestri]

I got a Nathan Sutherland High school with and they're four generations family shedding your funeral homes. And it is when you say it like no matter what the situation is, even with its friends or whatever, they know what to say. They know how to handle everything.

[John Holmberg]

Of course they do. It's just, it's, it's, it's their business. It's old hat now. It's crazy. I get.

[Dick Toledo]

How does Brady not get the Costco coffin? They have great prices on coffins.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So that's the other thing. You start looking around at where I did that last night too. I'm like, where would I buy that here?

[Dick Toledo]

Started looking at.

[John Holmberg]

Well, no, I just started looking at like, you know, funeral services and things like that. And they have sales pitches. Oh yeah, they have Able Advertising.

[Dick Toledo]

Did you mention it advertised billboard at the old building?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the able service $182. It had a price that was like, you're not gonna beat these prices. And they should. It's a business. They're not wrong to do that. But when I went online and I looked, Costco was one of the things that came up. Services available for blah, blah, blah, Coffins, caskets, urns, this like oh my God, like it's a sale. And because it's. It's an incredible business. And I started thinking, I think I need to get into this. I think I'm just.

[Dale Hellestri]

And you don't even have to take it, you know, like the city can do it too.

[John Holmberg]

Can do what?

[Dick Toledo]

Well, they do. They do it and then you just.

[Dale Hellestri]

Get in the cardboard.

[John Holmberg]

You get that? You get the cardboard wrap? Yes. They show all the people in the cardboard wraps too. And that was what the one. When the dude. When it all resonated with me, when the one dude looked up and he goes, I didn't know how many people died every day. And he goes, chain Doe. John Doe. There's a lot of them because we just stuffed him in there.

[Dick Toledo]

John, we are in Phoenix with all the landscapers here. They couldn't blow out that crematorium with a leaf blower. At least clean it up.

[John Holmberg]

But then.

[Dick Toledo]

And is Corpse Cloud a decent band name?

[John Holmberg]

Corpse Cloud is a great band name. Mark it down. But if you take a leaf blower to the inside of the furnace, still stirring it up. Okay. What's the moral difference than blowing the remainders out into the air?

[Dale Hellestri]

Yeah, that's what I was saying.

[Joey Avery]

It would be better with a shop vac.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. If you shop vac, what's the difference in even shop vacuum? You got a scrub, you're scrubbing it up and throwing it out because it's chunks.

[Dick Toledo]

Because your fats melt first.

[John Holmberg]

That's the one thing about the place they went to in Hesperia over by San Bernardino is that they had to build a little because it wasn't an official thing. So they ran around a runoff drain for the fat that would leak out of there. Because your fat doesn't burn. It just kind of. And the dudes that walked in said there was so much like oil in the floor and wall from the body that we couldn't touch our suits to it because it would make marks.

[Dick Toledo]

That was that dude in Atlanta that was stacking them like cordwood in the back. They would leak out.

[John Holmberg]

Out. Yeah, they were leech out. They weren't burned yet.

[Dick Toledo]

They weren't burned yet.

[John Holmberg]

Those were just corpses.

[Dale Hellestri]

We buried him.

[Dick Toledo]

He just got behind.

[John Holmberg]

He got way behind. And he had a tough shed and he didn't know how to do it. He needed. He needed this dude's help. Watch the documentary. It'll. It'll move you around a little bit. Dude said, I just went on because you said. Handcrafted steel casket with a dark blue finish, light blue crepe interior. Refined tribute. Very popular product and available [e-mail] same day delivery.

[Dick Toledo]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

It's a business. And the. The dude's being very emotionless about it. And he went to jail for it. He was wrong. He went to jail for a lot of stuff. He was really wrong. And so did the other guys for stuffing 200 people in one box. I mean, he just got greedy. But he was getting away with it until they burned down his crematorium. Nobody will question it because none of us want to go in there and say, I want to watch. I'm going to make sure my grandmother is the only one in there. No one will do that. And he's like, no one ever pays attention to me. I think I can. And it always starts that way. I have to tell you, I think I'd be that if times were tight. This sounds terrible. And I'm having trouble making ends meet. And I'm like, nobody's here. I can get two done. I'm stuffing a second one in there. And I'm gonna think, oh, this is uncomfortable. Or nobody notices. And then I'm like, I've got four now. I'm running a bit behind. I'll do four. This is the only time I'm ever gonna do this. I'm gonna do four. I'll scoop them out. And then the next thing you know, you're breaking arms. You're shoving a guy in like you're packing a Samsonite. And that's what happened.

[Dick Toledo]

Do it like a local tie in here. So what if the crematorium has a slump buster week?

[John Holmberg]

Exactly.

[Dick Toledo]

Sales are good where the workers need to up production.

[John Holmberg]

There's another dude down the road at a different funeral home, and he's killing us. His prices are better. I don't know how he's doing it, but we can't keep up unless we start a sale. And the only way to do a sale is to lower prices and speed up the process, speed up production. It's inevitable. And the more you get used to dead bodies, the less they mean to you.

[Dick Toledo]

Think about what you just said.

[John Holmberg]

The more you get used to dead bodies. But think of that like, the dude was like, ah, I see this every day. It's nothing to me now. And he said, I'm shoving two or three, you know? And then you start raking in dough. Then the greed takes over and you're like, oh, no. I could see why this happened. And I think. I honestly do believe I would do it. I'd fall into this mess. I don't know that I'm. That it sounds awful. This is not my passion, thank God. But I think I'd be one of those people that's like, I just need to get out of there. Nobody's paying attention to me. It's the danger of if you don't think anyone's watching, you're going to Cut a corner or two, you're going to try to get out of there early that day. It's human nature. We've got a three day weekend coming up. People are going to leave early on Wednesday for the three day weekend.

[Dick Toledo]

So listen, we all cut corners.

[John Holmberg]

It's scary. And I know there's a lot of people who be like, you're horrible. I know, that's why I'm saying it. I would never get the thing that keeps me out of that business. Well, there's a lot. But the thing that would keep me out of that is because I know deep down I would start. I would be tempted to be like, let's hurry up. I know it. I know for a fact, having, having.

[Dick Toledo]

Worked in a restaurant business, when you're.

[John Holmberg]

When you're pressured, I'm too logical and emotionless when it comes to other people's stuff like that. And I'm, and I. But, but the problem is I know going into it that it's wrong. So I'm just not even gonna. I wouldn't dab it.

[Dale Hellestri]

What's scary, do you want to make 10,000amonth or a hundred thousand?

[John Holmberg]

What do I have to do for the hundred? It's my first thought. It's easy. And the guys train. When I was at Tony Romas, Bill Osborne, I wanted to be a bartender. I was 18. I was this bar back and can't be a bartender till you're 19. When's your birthday? It's July 26th. And I'm the only one who has that. Everybody else is stealing. And he's like, and he, and he's like, we'll get you in here the day after. So he starts to train me and how to clean. He's showing me how to make drinks. I'm not allowed to touch bottles. By the end of it, he's like, now I got to show you something kind of special that we do here. Like, what is it? Well, I void $500 in sales every day and keep it. And here's how I'm like, what? And if I was to be a bartender on the nights I bartended, I had to keep those numbers even.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, you couldn't, you couldn't spike when you were bartending.

[John Holmberg]

So here is the thing. He's like, just pull it out. We'll make a pool. And then. So I never kept the money at first. I just made the numbers even and hid the money where he told me to. He was the manager. Like, okay. And then later he starts handing me cuts and I'm like, ah, one time I needed money for a discover card bill and a Sears bill.

[Dick Toledo]

That's what you paid your Sears bill with.

[John Holmberg]

Paid it off. Here's your cut. I'm like, I don't want to do this for three weeks. I remember, ah, bill, that's something I don't understand why this is going on. You don't want any of that. Now keep in mind, I also wasn't Pollyanna. It was mostly cash business. And there were plenty of times I didn't ring something up, put it in my pocket. I fully admit to like, not being in a hurry and being like, no, you got to get going. And then I'd be like, this, this isn't going to add up. At the end of the night, this money's gonna, I screwed up, but I'll keep that. I'll keep my mistakes. Nobody's gonna notice. Business was good then. That time I needed to pay a bill. I'm like, all right. And I took it and I paid it and I'm like, oh boy. Then the next thing you know, it's like nobody's paying attention and the guy running the place is doing it. It. The temptation starts to eat you up. And then you take that next step. You're like, I'll never do this again. Then the next step, like, I want to go out, my girlfriend wants to go to dinner, I'm broke. Next step. And then next thing you know, it's a habit. So I know deep down in my mind I don't want to be that guy. But if I'm surrounded by it, I know I can slip into it. I think everybody.

[Dale Hellestri]

Don't put me in that room.

[John Holmberg]

Don't put me in the position for a long period of time. And because I'm A, I'm not a rat. That and B, I'm not, you know, a stonewall. I'm susceptible. And I think we all are. I mean that's the whole Bible. Sure. Hey, you're all screw ups, you know, and if you're going to put yourself.

[Dale Hellestri]

In front of that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. The temptations right there. You're going to. Eventually human beings who will be will eat it alive. And then you realize that was just me at a bar. Like you said, dude went from a few thousand a month to 35, 000amonth.

[Dale Hellestri]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

To the next thing you know, 70, 75, 000 every couple weeks. What in the world? And it was because he found a way.

[Dale Hellestri]

Pulling up in his Ferrari with a license plate burner.

[John Holmberg]

His license said, I burn for you.

[Dale Hellestri]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

And it was a Corvette, which I said, that's kind of fun. I would find that dude to be.

[Brady]

For.

[John Holmberg]

What do you do for a living? Oh, I run a crematorium. Like, you're playing light says, I burned for you. We're best friends. Like, you and I are on the same page, dude.

[Dick Toledo]

I don't know if it was as corrupt, but when I worked at Black Angus, we would have management going. You know, we've had, like, two, three weeks of great sales. Not enough voids. We need that. We need to start giving away some free food.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we got to keep it.

[Dick Toledo]

So it was weird. You'd go, wait a minute.

[John Holmberg]

But nobody's complaining, because ownership would notice, and they'd be like, every time Bill works, there's voids like crazy. Every time John works, there's none. And then everything. Now everything's getting. Everybody's losing their job wild, and you're screwed. I know better because this. And here's the thing. I think the first day I'm there, and they're like, we stuff 10, 12 bodies in here at once. I'd be like, I can't do this, because if you. If you jump on the moving train and they're well into the scam, I'm just gonna leave. But if I ran it myself, and I'm like, nobody's ever in here with me. I'm in a hurry today. When I used to work at the old radio station, and they changed the system to be all computerized, and you all know listeners. I'm not real great with time. So at the end, I'd be like, oh, crap. I missed a whole commercial break. But I found a loophole in the computer where I could play it while a song played. You couldn't hear it, but it looked like it played on the computer, said.

[Dick Toledo]

Yep, it played it this time.

[John Holmberg]

I was young, I was dumb, and I was just trying not to get yelled at. So I did something I'd get in much bigger trouble for that. No one could notice.

[Dale Hellestri]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

But no one was paying attention. I'm like, I can do this every day if I want.

[Dick Toledo]

How about this?

[John Holmberg]

Number one ratings, all this other stuff. Everybody loved me. What they didn't know was I was an idiot. I'm sitting there, I'm like, I'm jackassing around with about seven, eight commercials a day that aren't actually airing. Oh, it was bad, but it was their system, so it's their fault. Brady, nobody was monitoring that porkopolis you.

[Dick Toledo]

Ran grifting on it Every night.

[John Holmberg]

The reason it's not here anymore had nothing to do with Brady.

[Dale Hellestri]

No. We should have been grifting. We would be here.

[John Holmberg]

You think?

[Dale Hellestri]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It could be tomorrow.

[Dale Hellestri]

Because, you know, definitely changes people in the restaurant business. Because when. When it was cash days. Now it's all.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody has a stuff.

[Dale Hellestri]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

We try to get a little credit cards. There's ways around.

[Dale Hellestri]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Somebody will figure out the one. There's always a guy looking. Yeah.

[Dale Hellestri]

If you don't bring it up, that's one thing.

[Dick Toledo]

But I think about. I. I think about, like, my taxes now, because now 95 of tips are on credit card.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

Like when we were. We didn't claim anything, and you just.

[John Holmberg]

Washed everything down and pretended I was broke.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, my God. All the time.

[John Holmberg]

I scammed taxes like crazy because it was a cash.

[Dale Hellestri]

And now you potentially won't have to worry about the tips.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Well, that's a good thing. Congratulations.

[Dick Toledo]

Guess what? We're asking Tripp to become tipped workers.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. I make 7 cents a year.

[Dick Toledo]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

The rest just tip.

[Dick Toledo]

John. I worked at a cemetery in high school. Well, that's a little weird. We used to ride the caskets down into the grave. And you already know this, but they have a poor section that the state pays for in each cemetery, and it's usually the cheap ass caskets. And we rode those down into the grave.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Nobody cared enough to throw a couple bucks at the funeral pine box and shove you in the bad people section. The cemetery's ghetto anyway.

[Dick Toledo]

That's what you're talking about. The. All the people that are Jane Doe and John Doe.

[John Holmberg]

That's the section that was. My eyebrows went up. I'm like, well, yeah. And it's Los Angeles. I didn't realize how many people died every day. We had to hurry up. We had contracts. We were getting 55 bucks a body, and we're supposed to burn one every two hours with a cleanup in between. And he goes, I got 400. I got 400 bodies in here.

[Dale Hellestri]

I don't know how you. Like you said at the beginning, that oven will take a day to cool off.

[Dick Toledo]

After it never cooled off.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you just keep shoving them in.

[Dale Hellestri]

So how can you clean it out slow and low?

[John Holmberg]

Brady.

[Dick Toledo]

John, I'm with you, man. I've thought for a while it's more surprising that we trust coked out minimum wage teenagers to be our line cooks. Every day where I go, I make sure and look into the kitchen if I can.

[John Holmberg]

We don't.

[Dick Toledo]

And we walk out if there's one.

[John Holmberg]

Teenager on the line, I have one line I draw in life, which is I won't go to a place that can run away from a health inspection. That's like, that's where I'm like, if you've got wheels on your restaurant, I don't trust you. Because if you see a health inspector and you can start the restaurant and drive off away, like, I don't trust that. So I don't eat anywhere that I can't sue. That's my rule. I don't, I don't. If I can't sue you, I'm not eating there. And that just automatically gives me some sort of comfort that the meth head back. Back in the kitchen is having a good day.

[Dick Toledo]

John, I got to know about your dog. Did you let them know beforehand about the metal he had in him?

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Dick Toledo]

And if so, they just have to find it for you after you burn and throw it. And that's the thing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And I'm sure that there's like, like they can look to say, okay, this one's got a, the tlap or whatever that thing's called for the knee. Or this one had a little thing. We got to include that in the ash. So they shovel them up and stuff one in there and go. I'm almost positive that's probably it. They just take a look. Is there anything in this one? Yeah, the. Because they have your name and the dog and they say, here you go. This one's Ben. He goes to the Holmbergs. It's got a metal thing in his knee. So when we, when we're scooping up the 700 dogs in this thing, throw a metal thing in that. In that. And they did, to their credit. So it made me feel comfortable. But I never looked into it. I never knew.

[Dale Hellestri]

It's a couple of washers.

[Dick Toledo]

Throw it in there.

[John Holmberg]

It was really weird. It was a big screen TV mounting kit and I thought, you know, how.

[Dick Toledo]

Is that mounted on my dog's Ben's.

[John Holmberg]

Knee was good, but my God, that was a lot of hardware.

[Dick Toledo]

John, you're 100% about the emotional tie in. I believe they should give out 100% fake ashes. I would rather have 100% fake ashes than 25% a stranger mixed in with my relative. Maybe just burn a wood burning fireplace next to my, my relative as you're burning and give me the wood ash.

[John Holmberg]

How about this diy? What just you. Your own burn like you do the pizza. You go, and it's your time.

[Dick Toledo]

My uni My Ooni cremation, three to four o' clock.

[Dale Hellestri]

Really chop it up to get in the head of Ooni.

[John Holmberg]

And they built. And they have a whole. No, no, no. We don't do it in the Ooni brief. Jesus Christ, get your mind out of the kitchen. I know, but you both kind of went down the wrong road. Can't bring up Ooni with him. We're going in, we're going in. The doors, there's a belt. They ding.

[Dick Toledo]

That's true.

[John Holmberg]

You get a. This is my new idea. You get a wall that has like 11 crema. Crematoriums in them. And then you schedule you Brady to come in. It's time to shove your loved one in. Shut the door. Like you're at a washer. Like a. Like a. A wash house for washer and dryer. Like a public laundromat.

[Dale Hellestri]

Maybe change it up like the monastery. You play some volleyball in between, maybe.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, sure. You flip the switch. You did the work. The workers in between, when your body's all done, you get your ashes, you leave. And then they scrub it up and get ready for the next one. You're doing 10 or 11 at a time.

[Dale Hellestri]

You burn it.

[John Holmberg]

Yep. You burn it. We earn it. That's what it's called. I like it. And that way you have to take a little responsibility with your loved one to make sure if it matters to us, we should be willing to take that step. Step. And you build this. Pretty expensive, this room I'm talking about of just nothing but furnaces. Hey, there's steel mills in Pittsburgh. They just closed nothing but blast furnaces and steel. Put some doors on it and we're shoving in people like crazy. We got a smokestack up top. Everything's on the up and up. Just make sure the cleaning guys go through and clean. And that way, if you wanted to, if it matters, you can check for their gold teeth, the jewelry you want with them, all the stuff that you. It's all there. And you did the DIY work. Because I'm watching all these people on this documentary crying, I can't believe they did this to me. I'm like, where were you? After you. After you give him 55 bucks. Because it meant so much to you to do this right, but you took the lowest price and gave it to a stranger. Where were you? Because I'm going to put a little on the person who's crying their eyes out for an inordinate amount of trust, which we do need. But why? Why do we have it there's? The question. Oh, what a documentary. Anyway, I've gone on, I have asked you guys and you cringe at this every time to tie me to the back of a car and drive me around like it's after a wedding with just dead and just bounce my body all over the road. Drive me around thinking of cans and meat.

[Dick Toledo]

I'd be all right with that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, just drag. Drag me around until there's nothing left like a Stanley cup. Everybody gets a day with me.

[Dick Toledo]

Put me in that bull ring and let that bull knock me around like a rat.

[John Holmberg]

Send me to some cannibals, save a life.

[Dick Toledo]

That is Sentinel Island.

[John Holmberg]

Drop me off at the Sentinel Island. He's already dead. No, Sentinel Island's good. There's plenty of cannibals. Africa's loaded with. Just drop me off with some cannibals. I have no problem. It's true they don't have many here. It's always a crime here, there. I think there's tribes that do it. That's what school taught me. I think the air up there going back full circle had us some cannibal problems. No, wait, that was Gilligan's Island. Nevermind. Same thing though. Either way, I don't care what you do with my body. It doesn't like I'm dead. So go nuts.

[Dick Toledo]

John, you want to talk about levels of trust? I used to work for a funeral home. I have all the stories. The majority of funeral homes in Phoenix and I imagine this way everywhere else are not connected to a crematory funeral home delivers the body another level of trust which I did a few times riding in the carpool lane of course because it says two or more people. And a few days later the crematory delivers a box of ashes with a name on it. We never knew whose or what kind of ashes were in that box. Crazy thing I saw was it was an effing torso that was mysteriously delivered to our funeral home. Just the torso in the wee hours of the morning. I'll never forget it.

[John Holmberg]

That's a murder and you should have looked into it.

[Dick Toledo]

Anyway, Brett Vesely said take care of this.

[John Holmberg]

He had drive found us out there in the desert. I don't know who was it. It is. Anyway, it's a great. It's on Max. It's called the mortician and it's interesting. It's just interesting what it does to your brain. Whether it's a great documentary or not, that's up to you. But it's. It is. It's an interesting Discussion. It creates discussion, clearly. And I love that kind of stuff because I usually stand on the precipice of being crazy in these things rather than being the one. What you're supposed to say and what my brain says are two different things because I know what I'm supposed to say. But I kind of sided with the dude who was like, you'd do it. Like, he's not wrong. Anyway, what do you got on the big board of musical treats there? I tell you right now, they're brought to you by our friends over at Action Ride Shop. Also, they have a crematorium in the back now. Yeah, Josh just started. Smart move. It's good business. He watched it and he said no. Action Ride Shop, brand new location up there. A McDowell and Power. Is that right?

[Dick Toledo]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

I always get road screwed up. And they used to valley. He's out there at that one. And of course, the. The standby, the baby, the original is right there on the 60. And Gilbert, just a little bit South Southern. You want to head on over there and get a bike, get a. Get ready for summer. You want to go up north, which all of us are. Fourth of July weekend coming up. A lot of people going up to Pace and everything else. Grab a bike, explore pacing like you never have before and get a mountain bike and go through all the trails. Sedona, Flagstaff. This state is loaded with them. And Action Ride Shop can show you where they are and get you on the proper bike. You got an old bike, bring it in. They'll fix that thing up.

[Dale Hellestri]

Up.

[John Holmberg]

We got the best mechanics in all the bike world. Action Ride Shop brings you today's wake up song. What is it?

[Dick Toledo]

First one from Sean Rockefeller. Can we get in the Ghetto for Brett driving to the Avenues.

[John Holmberg]

Well, let's not bash where he's going. He's at 35th Avenue in Bell. Afterwards, we'll play in the ghetto. But we need stuff.

[Dale Hellestri]

It is Colonel Parker's. Would have been his birthday today.

[John Holmberg]

Is it Elvis's old boss?

[Dale Hellestri]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

House of a Thousand Corpses by Rob Zombie for our discussion, Fire from the Gods, American Sun, Alien Ant Farm Smooth Criminal for the White Sox fan, Johnny Cash. Cry, Cry, Cry or Don't Cry by GNR for Cattell Marte.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

Apocalyptica. I'm Not Jesus for the mortician, Them Bones. Alice in Chains.

[John Holmberg]

Ooh, there it is. That's the keeper. Them Bones. I like that one. I was gonna go with House of a Thousand Corpses. I like Them Bones better. Ashes to Ashes is also an excellent suggestion. Pretty good. Yeah. You watch the rest of that bird. You're gonna like that thing.

[Dale Hellestri]

Lighten it up and watch the poop cruise afterwards.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, the one about. Did you watch that carnival ship? The carnival ship that backed up poops?

[Dale Hellestri]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That's just gross.

[Dale Hellestri]

Oh, it's. Yeah. Let alone that 3, 000 people on there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Well, it's a great line.

[Dale Hellestri]

Americans. It was a large crew.

[John Holmberg]

So the amount of the. The one thing about most cruises is a great line that you can use about cruises. Have you ever seen food stamps float? Because that's essentially what a cruise is like. The majority of it is a bunch of people that are spending 300 for the same vacation you're on, no matter how much you spend. It's a floating hotel.

[Dale Hellestri]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So if you can imagine going to the Excalibur in Las Vegas, and then they're like, the Excalibur is about to leave. Set sail with every single person in here. You're like, I don't want to be with these people for seven days.

[Dale Hellestri]

I had a friend call it a floating rv.

[John Holmberg]

It is, but an rv, at least you get to pick who you put in it.

[Dale Hellestri]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

If you had seven people in a random rv, then everybody just showed up. It would be that. Now multiply that by a thousand. You got 2,000 guests. Oh, my God. Miserable. Horrible. Anyway, it's. Allison changed your wake up song. Them Bones for the mortician. It's 98, Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect.

[Brady]

Still streaming Homberg's morning sickness [e-mail].

[John Holmberg]

It's time to talk to Brett. Brett has a big day today. He's out at Safeway this morning till about nine, so he's got another hour out there. He's collecting water for Operation Hydration. He's giving away all sorts of stuff. He's on 35th Avenue and Bell at that said Safeway. Brett, are you there?

[Brady]

I'm here.

[John Holmberg]

All right. How is it on 35th Avenue today? You should have played Sean Rockefeller song for the Wake up song. But anyway, I didn't see it. What was. Wasn't in the ghetto or something like that. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. In the ghetto. Yeah. Well, that was for you and. Yeah. So we understand. No, it's good, actually. It's that everybody's coming out. Gross. We literally have the back of the truck full right now. Nice. And now we're working on. Now we're working on filling the cannons up as well. So 35th Avenue Bell is showing face out here. Safeway again, taking all your water donations for operation Hydration. We're going to be signing you guys up for all kinds of concert tickets.

[Brady]

We have some KUPD swag.

[John Holmberg]

We got donuts. Safeway provided us with some donuts to come on. I'll have breakfast with us. And, you know, I gotta say thank you to Chris because he took the Italian thing seriously. Showed up with an envelope on. He's like, hey, I don't got time for this here. Go buy some water. So. So if you don't got time to go and buy some water, you don't got time to grab it from the house. You can stop by, drop off an envelope. I'll go do some shopping for you. And of we got to thank Safeway learner Row Amco for all partnering up with us for this operation Hydration. And thank you as well, Brett, for braving 35th Avenue in the hot, hot sun. And then later. You're not going home today, are you? You're coming back here. You're just going to sleep here. And then later today, you go to 75th Avenue and Encanto. Yeah, I don't know who's got it in for me right now, but apparently somebody does. You're going on to EOS Fitness from 5 to 7. So all morning, you're on 35th Avenue. And if that's not enough, you double down and go to 75th Avenue in Encanto, and you hang out out there for a little while. You're gonna have all sorts of people meeting you out on the west. I'm hooding it up. That's right. You're here. You're hanging with the people. You're a man of the people, Brett. We love you for it. Nice job. 35th Avenue and Bell. Brett's at the Safeway. He's collecting. Go give him the trailer full of water. I love it. I love it. 35th Avenue. Stepping up. Brett, you need to start being nice to them. No. Never. All right, we'll talk to you later. There you go. Brett's out there. Operation Hydration, 35th Avenue. And of course, the glorious bell at the Safeway. Thanks, Safeway, for this. Brits loading up trucks. We got all sorts of people. A trailer loaded up with water pulls up right as we're closing. Beautiful. It's time now for Brady to give you all the news that only Brady knows. We call that the Brady report. It's brought to you by our friends at all pro Shade Concepts, all pro shade dot com. Put some shade in your backyard. Gonna be hot weather. Still trying to figure it out. News has questions. Why is this happening? Well, it's because it's June. July is gonna happen as well, then August just. It's all hot. And the thing you're going to be looking for most of all is shade. I noticed it yesterday with my dogs in the backyard. They're wandering around back there. And then all of them found shade. Shade's a beautiful thing in the summer. Create some more with the best in the business. All Pro Shade concepts. It's all pro shade.com Brady reported.

[Dale Hellestri]

Good Thursday morning TV. Hello world. Happy National Chocolate Pudding Day.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, I call it pudding because I'm an adult, but okay. And I'm also not a southern button about pudding. Man, there's nothing more effeminate than calling it pudding. Pudding is that pudding.

[Dale Hellestri]

Couple of basis fun facts. At the time, General Custer was had his last stand against the Native American tribes in the West. The Brooklyn Bridge was just getting finished in the East.

[John Holmberg]

Wow, that's pretty good.

[Dale Hellestri]

Elvis only had three concerts outside the US his entire career.

[John Holmberg]

One was in Germany, I think. Right. And then the others were. Is that right? Or was it a concert or just a performance?

[Dale Hellestri]

I don't remember all three in Canada.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's right. I remember his military stuff was in Germany. That's right. Because I saw things like the only.

[Dale Hellestri]

Two times and he didn't perform.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. The only time, two times Elvis left the country was Germany and Canada. That's. Yeah.

[Dale Hellestri]

In the Baz Lauren movie Luhrmann Elvis movie, you know, they made it basically say because he. He, the colonel couldn't travel abroad, it.

[John Holmberg]

Wasn'T allowed to leave the country.

[Dale Hellestri]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Because he was a criminal without a passport or a real name.

[Dale Hellestri]

The closest distance between the U. S and Africa is 3154 miles from Quoty Head, Maine to El Medusa, Morocco. That's 200 miles less than going from the same spot in Maine to San Diego, California.

[John Holmberg]

Africa's closer to Maine than it is 200 miles closer. Florida's not closer to Africa.

[Dale Hellestri]

Guess not. Because if we're on the how the United States kind of curves. Doesn't it curve up kind of like when on the. Because we're circular.

[John Holmberg]

Yes.

[Dale Hellestri]

We see the states like that.

[John Holmberg]

Like layout.

[Dale Hellestri]

Because the furthest point north. Yeah, like the.

[John Holmberg]

You're not making any sense. Okay. I think you realize it. I think the answer to my question was yes, Maine is closer to Africa than Florida. The answer is yes. You just said yeah, Maine is. Then you tried to describe miles close. Man, that was clumsy.

[Dale Hellestri]

San Diego.

[John Holmberg]

And the one thing was that you listeners didn't see when he said then.

[Dale Hellestri]

The states are like a butterfly. It's like a butterfly.

[John Holmberg]

We see him like this and it's like up. He was doing a lot of hand gestures there and it made it harder to understand.

[Dick Toledo]

I missed that too because all I was trying to follow was the words.

[John Holmberg]

Right. How again is Maine closer than Florida to Africa?

[Dale Hellestri]

How is it 200 miles closer?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. I didn't get it. Wait a minute.

[Dale Hellestri]

It's 200 miles less than going from the same spot in Maine to San Diego.

[John Holmberg]

California. That's not what I said. How is Maine closer than Florida to Africa?

[Dick Toledo]

Because you said Maine was.

[Dale Hellestri]

Oh, cuz. Maine goes further east.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Than Florida south. Does it make the difference?

[Dick Toledo]

Further north.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

As well. Triangulating means. Oh, sorry.

[John Holmberg]

Just trying to get him. He was in on it and I liked what he was doing.

[Dale Hellestri]

It's math.

[John Holmberg]

You just need to walk away that.

[Dick Toledo]

Actually think about it.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no, don't.

[Dick Toledo]

That might be his best answer.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it took a while and I was trying to. What you didn't realize was I was performing a test. Stop it.

[Dick Toledo]

How'd it go?

[John Holmberg]

Say something quickly, like putting my visual board away. If you just say it's not I don't know or it's a lot of math. I can't go on. But you started to do hand gestures mapping like your minority reported for a second with your hands. You were moving states around. The United States is curved instead of just saying what you said at the end there. And this is a lesson for you. When somebody says that and you don't know. Stop it. Although for radio purposes, by all means, always try to explain things, Brady, because it is weird. The United States curved.

[Dale Hellestri]

Samuel L. Jackson.

[John Holmberg]

Hold on. How is it curved? What did you mean by that?

[Dale Hellestri]

Because it changes.

[John Holmberg]

We just talked math. There you go. He's learning. Did you see he was starting? He doesn't know why or. Alex.

[Dick Toledo]

Curve clicker right now.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly place.

[Dale Hellestri]

It's Matt.

[John Holmberg]

There's a good boy. You almost jumped back into just explaining something. You had no idea what you were talking about.

[Dale Hellestri]

We at least have a treat jar for.

[John Holmberg]

We got to help you out and throw him. Throw him a piece of pizza every time he does it. Good boy.

[Dick Toledo]

Got some chocolate for you.

[John Holmberg]

Just running around the building going, it's math, it's math, it's math. Now roll over bus. Now lets himself show me your tummy. I'll show you a video shake. I'll post the video, it's very funny. Bus has a thing. He can open a sliding glass door real easy now with his nose. And he, you know, has been trained throughout time. You go outside and go wee wee. You get a cookie. So he'll sit there, he'll be bored, and you'll just hear the door opens. And then he comes back and sits by the cookie jar and looks like I just let myself out. I hope you guys realize how awesome that was. And now he'll go, let himself out, take two steps onto the pavement and two steps back in the house. And that's going outside. And he runs to the cookie jar. He's brilliant. He's a genius. And he's just such a jackass. And he opens with that little stub, bull bulldog nose. Smashes it against the torque.

[Dale Hellestri]

That's pretty good.

[John Holmberg]

It's easy. Now he hits the curve of it, and when it's locked, he knows. He pushes and he turns around like the latch.

[Dale Hellestri]

Samuel L. Jackson was supposed to have a giant afro for Pulp Fiction, but the production assistant who went to get him a wig didn't know the difference between an afro and Jerry Curl.

[John Holmberg]

Jerry Curl work better.

[Dale Hellestri]

Yeah, I agree.

[John Holmberg]

Although if it was the opposite, if he had the afro and somebody said it was going to be Jerry Curl, you'd be like, oh, that wouldn't work.

[Dick Toledo]

Speaking of, how many of the draft picks last night had the same goddamn haircut?

[John Holmberg]

There's a lot of style going with the hair, and I blame Gunna.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, I hadn't thought about that.

[John Holmberg]

Gun is hot right now and everybody's looking like him. By the way, speaking of the NBA draft, the Suns trade with the Rockets to get Dylan Brooks and all that. Dylan Brooks brand new Phoenix son is embroiled in a mess now. He just filed a restraining order against his girlfriend because she's stalking and might kill him and stuff. So. Welcome to Phoenix. Dylan and his crazy girlfriend couldn't be happier to have you.

[Dale Hellestri]

You got time to settle it?

[John Holmberg]

Great. She's here. Do we need this?

[Dale Hellestri]

A study at Penn State found eating avocados might help you sleep better. Researchers had people eat one avocado a day for six months, and they were surprised to find that the sleep improved. It also lowered cholesterol, which they were expecting, but they weren't sure why it helped them sleep better. Their best guess is just all the extra nutrients avocados have loaded with fiber, potassium, folate, vitamin K and other good stuff.

[John Holmberg]

You make me wonder if it's avocado or avocado.

[Dale Hellestri]

Tomato Tomato.

[Dick Toledo]

Avocado.

[John Holmberg]

But tomato is wrong.

[Dick Toledo]

They say avocado.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, clearly, if you ever met anybody said, we're not British, you'd punch them in the nose. Don't point.

[Dale Hellestri]

They hate the English.

[John Holmberg]

We're not, though. He's wrong. If you say said tomatoes to me, I would punch you square in that button. Nose proof you have a small dick. Potato. Nobody says potato. You're an asshole. Is it avocado or avocado?

[Dick Toledo]

You want me to ask Gemini?

[John Holmberg]

Because he says avocado.

[Dale Hellestri]

Avocado.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I say avocado. I don't think either are wrong, but one of them is definitely preferable. One of them makes a sense.

[Dale Hellestri]

One is def. Maybe more hillbilly than the other one of them.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know which one, but I know tomato. When people say tomato, tomato, I'm like, there's a clear winner here.

[Dale Hellestri]

Enter Aunt.

[John Holmberg]

Aunt.

[Dick Toledo]

Aunt. You say ant.

[John Holmberg]

I say okay, because you're an American. Say aunt. Aunt Nancy. Aunt Trisha.

[Dale Hellestri]

I know, but remove the U out of that.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I know. Avocado. I'm right. Brady's the hillbilly. Yep. So it's not avocado. Take that.

[Dick Toledo]

It's not avocado.

[John Holmberg]

Avocado. Right.

[Dick Toledo]

Avocado.

[John Holmberg]

Because that. Two arguments I can't stand. It's apples and oranges. Well, those are clearly different. You're just arguing apples and oranges. I'm like, right, One's an orange and one's an apple. They're wildly different. Tastes, flavors, shapes, everything. So I have an argument is what you're saying. And the other one is tomato, Tomato. Anybody that says tomato to you needs a punch in the nose. There's no. There's a clear winner there. Oh, you know what you're talking about. It's tomato, tomato. I'm like, no, no. One is right and one is wrong. You're making my point for me.

[Dick Toledo]

Stop it. Texters.

[John Holmberg]

Brady, how is the earth? America's curved. And where. Where does the curve begin?

[Dale Hellestri]

It's mass.

[John Holmberg]

All right, there we go. Double back. Another semi truck from the sea. Guys are here. Say a. No.

[Dick Toledo]

This is smaller than the last one.

[John Holmberg]

Owner. It still could fit a pallet on there if they do it again. My God, don't get old. I'll send you down there to do it. Yeah. Oh, that's it. One semi truck full. Thanks. That's a lot of water, boys.

[Dale Hellestri]

Cool mini truck.

[John Holmberg]

That's just a trucking company, isn't it? Just a. Yeah. That's awesome, Saia. Thank you. Right out in our parking lot, dumping off water. This is great.

[Dick Toledo]

I'm gonna ask this guy for the correct response, but he says, john, you know I would never defend Brady. Normally, yeah, but just look at a map, man. He's not wrong.

[John Holmberg]

But I know he's not wrong. I'm trying to help him explain things better. Did you think that where he was going was going to be a nice explanation? That's right. He was going to dig a hole. Of course. Everything we're on a circle. Everything's curved. There's no flat spots.

[Dale Hellestri]

Things curve up and down. It's math.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. They curve up and down. And also because it's a ball, side to side, and both are the same.

[Dale Hellestri]

This study looked at 32 different factors to find out what the worst and best states for road trips are this year.

[John Holmberg]

Well, Arizona is not a good road trip state, unless you're leaving Phoenix. Then it gets great, but it's too hot to drive.

[Dale Hellestri]

They looked at the costs, safety, how many attractions or activities there are, like national parks, amusement parks, beaches, lakes, scenic drives.

[John Holmberg]

Texas sucks.

[Dale Hellestri]

According to the results.

[John Holmberg]

New Mexico sucks.

[Dale Hellestri]

The best summer road trip states in 2025.

[John Holmberg]

California, number one.

[Dale Hellestri]

Minnesota.

[John Holmberg]

Because of all the lakes.

[Dale Hellestri]

A lot of lakes.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Dale Hellestri]

A lot of sync drives. New York, number two.

[John Holmberg]

Lot to do.

[Dale Hellestri]

Ohio, number three.

[John Holmberg]

No, there's a lot going in there. It's a great road trip because there's roads in and out of it. So you just keep going. You made it through Ohio. It's a nice road trip. Roads getting out of there. Best.

[Dick Toledo]

You get lost a lot in Ohio.

[John Holmberg]

You get raped in the middle of it.

[Dick Toledo]

What?

[John Holmberg]

You stop by Ohio state. Nice. Rape.

[Dale Hellestri]

Only in the rec center most.

[John Holmberg]

No, you're getting raped in Ohio state. They, they, they actually encourage different locker rooms. Not only do they encourage it, they love it.

[Dale Hellestri]

Utah, Louisiana, Florida.

[John Holmberg]

Utah. I guess if you're looking around.

[Dick Toledo]

No, it's the national parks.

[Dale Hellestri]

In national parks, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Gabby Petito would argue that Idaho, Texas. To a certain point, she might have been enjoying this. I'm telling you, that road trip did that. Utah's where road trips go south.

[Dale Hellestri]

North Carolina, Pennsylvania.

[John Holmberg]

Worst.

[Dale Hellestri]

The worst.

[John Holmberg]

New Mexico is number eight. Number eight. There are seven states worse than driving through New Mexico. It's because of that damn white sand. You take that out, you got nothing.

[Dale Hellestri]

Delaware, number one.

[John Holmberg]

Right. It's two minutes.

[Dale Hellestri]

Connecticut, Number two.

[Dick Toledo]

Again, two minutes.

[Dale Hellestri]

Rhode island. Number three. Vermont.

[John Holmberg]

These are beautiful states, by the way.

[Dick Toledo]

Vermont is awesome.

[Dale Hellestri]

Montana is awesome, which is amazing. I mean, it's just done. It in the summer long.

[John Holmberg]

They're not saying you're going to drive all the way across each of these states or Delaware would be the best one.

[Dale Hellestri]

But I guess when it comes down to attractions, I mean when you're in the East Glacier national, it's really cool. But there's not like there's some stuff.

[Dick Toledo]

To be an outdoors person.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It looks pretty good on tv. And that's where I'm gonna leave it. That's fair.

[Dale Hellestri]

Hawaii. Tough road trip?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Not much of a road trip. Pull over and do something.

[Dick Toledo]

What was interesting. There's an interstate highway in Hawaii.

[Brady]

Sure.

[John Holmberg]

In Joe Biden wanted to build a train to it. Remember that train I was gonna build all the way out of Amtrak city?

[Dick Toledo]

Where would it go?

[John Holmberg]

Why I got sad how trained dumbass.

[Dale Hellestri]

Come on tracks.

[John Holmberg]

The tracks. We're gonna make it happen.

[Dale Hellestri]

Louisiana is the cheapest road trip state. Idaho is the safest. California has the most stuff to do.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Dale Hellestri]

So everywhere but your first pick. If you're wondering the least safe state for road trips. New Mexico.

[John Holmberg]

New Mexico is the worst. You fall asleep. It's. There's. I think there's hill people and like.

[Dale Hellestri]

Like they've got eyes.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. 14. 14 foot tribes we haven't eradicated or got. They're like these giant alien tribes that live in the. You've seen it when the. Oh yeah, the hills have eyes. They get lost a little bit. That's always New Mexico. Then you go in there. Bone tomahawk. I think that was in New Mexico. You don't want to. You don't want to meet up with these people. The New Mexican.

[Dale Hellestri]

A cop in England might lose his job after he asked a female co worker to pull his finger. She refused and he turned around and farted in her face six inches away and laughed.

[John Holmberg]

That's hilarious.

[Dale Hellestri]

It happened back in 2021 and the disciplinary thing still hasn't been resolved. If the review board decide decides it qualifies as gross misconduct, he'll lose his job.

[John Holmberg]

How wet was this far fart? You hit him with a dry one and she's just being a baby. That's why women and men shouldn't work together. Because you fart in a guy's face and maybe he pushes you around, but he's not going to go to hr. You fart in a lady's face and the next thing you know you're in the news halfway across the country.

[Dale Hellestri]

We got a guy in Silver Creek, Minnesota. He's in trouble because he lost control of his van and ran Into a scissor lift that had two guys on it. The one guy held onto the platform above the scissor lift and was able to duck the van. The other guy got hit. He's in critical condition. The guy arrested. His name is Patches. Magic beans. He's a cat and he was high on mushrooms.

[Dick Toledo]

Looney Tunes this week.

[John Holmberg]

Well, no, I thought he was. Yeah, I thought he was like some kid's cat. Didn't Kirby name your kid Patches? Oh, stitches or something. What's the one that ran away and you didn't look for it?

[Dale Hellestri]

Yeah, that was Mittens. Mitten? No. Mitten. We still have Mr. Mittens. It was.

[John Holmberg]

You don't remember the name of your pet that ran away that caused great strife? And Lily Pickles. Okay, there you go. That's what I'm talking about.

[Dale Hellestri]

Yeah. No relation to Patches magic beast.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Sounds similar though.

[Dick Toledo]

The Saya people have texted in. Okay, guys, long time listener to kpd. Love the show. Our name is pronounced psy. S I E space, Y, A H, sigh.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's what we're saying. Except for I look at it and I go say. I say. Yeah. Well, thank you, guys. No matter what it's. No matter how you pronounce it, you're a rose to me.

[Dale Hellestri]

There's a hotel in China. It was ordered to halt the morning wake up call. Some of the guests could take advantage of if they ordered the red panda wake up, where they bring the red pandas to the room in the morning and run up on the bed and wake up the family.

[Joey Avery]

Adorable.

[John Holmberg]

Not full size.

[Dale Hellestri]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, they're not very big, are they?

[Dale Hellestri]

They're not real big, but they've got claws. It's like a. It's like a wolverine version of a panda.

[John Holmberg]

That's accurate.

[Dale Hellestri]

That's what they look like.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, but they're not acting like Wolverine. Nobody does.

[Dale Hellestri]

They don't have a temperament.

[John Holmberg]

The Wolverine wake up call, it's not necessarily gonna match that. That's cute. Yeah, I. I. Puppy wake up call would be outstanding. I would stay at that place all day. Although puppies pee on stuff. But so do probably red pandas. They put diapers on them or something.

[Dale Hellestri]

They're shutting it down because they're protected and they're like.

[John Holmberg]

How are they less protected? By being the hotel guest.

[Dale Hellestri]

I think it's a great way.

[John Holmberg]

It's awesome. Yeah. Now you're going to switch them out and they're going to paint wolverines red. And Brady's right. They look close enough. And the next Thing you know, somebody's going to get disemboweled at the red roof in. Would you like a wake up call or a red panda wake up call? I don't even. I'm not even going to ask. I'm just hoping that what I think is happening is happening. Red panda, please.

[Dale Hellestri]

So if you booked your room at the Lihi Lidu Liang Jiang holiday hotel. Okay, cancel.

[John Holmberg]

No more red panda wake up calls.

[Dick Toledo]

Damn it.

[John Holmberg]

Now it's just a dude dressed as a red panda. Like they do at their zoos. It's a collie that they painted red.

[Dale Hellestri]

The Mystery Machine might be headed to Duncanville, Alabama because someone robbed a Quick Stop convenience store wearing a Scooby Doo costume. And of course all the comments made by the people, like hopefully they can have some meddling kids solve this crime because they haven't been able to track the guy down. They got pictures of him. They say he's the suspect is described as a white male, approximately 5 foot 9 inches tall. He got away with cash. He did not steal any Scooby snacks.

[John Holmberg]

Haha.

[Dale Hellestri]

Okay, zoinks.

[John Holmberg]

Like, kill me scoop.

[Dale Hellestri]

It's kind of a lame. He didn't he put the head away.

[John Holmberg]

He's just in the suit. He's got a tail in some spots.

[Dale Hellestri]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Like, let's rob the Quick Stop school, bruh.

[Dale Hellestri]

Old man Wickles.

[Dick Toledo]

Texter says. Hey John, I gotta jump back a little bit because I'm really thinking now about when I go out tonight in Tempe. Using Brady's logic. Does this now mean that flat chested chicks are now curvy?

[John Holmberg]

They're curved. Her rib cages are round. You gotta do it with your hands. Like the thing he did with his hands was he pushed him up. The earth is America.

[Dale Hellestri]

United States is curved.

[John Holmberg]

Then he pushed him up. He was having a fantasy about a big breasted woman. Like, put your hands in the air, mother. Give us everything in the cash register or I'll kill you and your family. Right, Great. I would love to be robbed by Shaggy and Scooby. I think it'd be fun. If you don't give it to me. If you hit the button, I swear I'll you right in the butt. Yeah. He means it.

[Dale Hellestri]

I got some radio videos.

[John Holmberg]

All right, stretch. Really? Oh, more Shaggy and Scooby?

[Dick Toledo]

Yes, please.

[John Holmberg]

Like, tie him up, Scoob. Yeah, I know who you two are. I've seen the cartoons. You better keep your trap shot if you know what's good for it. Or Scooby, you'll shove his Red lipstick in there. I'm hard. Yeah, he's hard. Well, you asked to stretch. Next thing you know, I gotta have these guys banging the old cash register or it's not gonna.

[Dale Hellestri]

Hey, it's Jonathan Winters.

[John Holmberg]

He's always there. Oh, it could be Special guest, the Harlem Globetrot. I think I know who you boys are. Like, we've an id, Scoob. Let's get out of here. Or you just killed that guy. I sure did, Scoob.

[Brady]

Those two.

[John Holmberg]

Lose it. It's a bad trip, Scoob. Somebody laced the weed. I'm seeing things, Shaggy.

[Dick Toledo]

By the way.

[John Holmberg]

Like, I shouldn't be driving. Man, get off my ass, cops.

[Dick Toledo]

This reminds me of. Have you seen the thing that's been going around social media of the AI, Bigfoot and yeti?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, I love that stuff.

[Dick Toledo]

That reminds me of that.

[John Holmberg]

Like, they're shooting back, Scoob. That is my favorite cartoon I've ever invented in my head.

[Dale Hellestri]

It still blows me away that there's only, what, what, 65.

[John Holmberg]

60 episodes of the whole thing. Like, we gotta get out of here, Scoob. We're dead weight. This is it, braggy. It is. Scoob, hold my hand. We're driving off the edge, dad. Let me finish, damn it. Christ on a crutch. It's like being in a black movie. He's talking to the screen. Oh, like, Toledo ruined the ending, Scoob. What else is new? Yeah, let me take a bullet. I'm gonna put you out of your misery now, boy.

[Dale Hellestri]

First radio video is a guy messing with a line in a cage. Watch how quick the claw gets the guy's hand.

[John Holmberg]

So guys reaching for a lion and a cake. And this looks like it's at a PetSmart. That's no lion cage. Cage.

[Dale Hellestri]

It's a good zoo.

[Dick Toledo]

Come on.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you're right. It's gonna cracking. Yeah, everything's kind of broken.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, that's a big. I didn't see the holes.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, there's a massive hole. And the lion's right there. This guy's a foot away. Oh, did he get him? Oh, look at this.

[Dale Hellestri]

Look at the hand.

[John Holmberg]

Opened his hand up with one nail. Oh, my God. Yeah. Don't toy around at the lion cage, Brady. Good.

[Dick Toledo]

No, that's something you would do.

[Dale Hellestri]

Oh, I would not do that.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, you would. You know what Brady's about? Says I wouldn't get hit by it too fast. This guy said, can we have Outlaw? Can we have Outlaw? Scooby and Shaggy in the squares tomorrow? Yeah, maybe. I Don't know. That's an awful lot to do. I don't know how much the sequel can deliver. And plus, people who didn't hear it tomorrow be like, what the hell's going on? Like, we're on a rampage.

[Dick Toledo]

Like, let's rob a train scooter. Oh, I like the sequel.

[Dale Hellestri]

Got a little fight in the dog park. The lady swings twice in the. The question.

[John Holmberg]

There's like, oh, geez, she's just swinging away. The dog is trying to get the guy out of there. She's got sticks and she's walking like 15 dogs. Oh, he gets a bigger stick.

[Joey Avery]

She swings.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he got her. He hit her as hard as he can. Look at all the dogs she was walking when she started it. Two swings. She hits him with sticks. He goes and finds a massive stick. Now he's only got one dog. She's got like 12. Oh, son. Oh, my God. He comes at her and this is a big stick. And he tops her right on top of the head, straight down.

[Dale Hellestri]

He was found not guilty according to.

[John Holmberg]

Are all of her dogs on leashes or are they just following her? She's magic.

[Dick Toledo]

Drops him. Or is that stick. That's the stick. I thought that was the.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, like. And then he comes running there. She doesn't move. Her defense system stinks.

[Dick Toledo]

And then, look, it looks like he feels bad because he knows all the dogs are.

[John Holmberg]

You know what my favorite part is? There's like 11 dogs are like, get away from her. She's nuts. Like, they. They just got. None of them are on leashes. Kind of dog park is this.

[Dale Hellestri]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man. She didn't even get her hands up. All right, he was found not guilty. Self defense.

[Dale Hellestri]

That's what it says. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, but he did. Here's the self defense problem. He ran away to get the stick and then went back to her. So he started a new fight legally. Is that right? Absolutely. If I start hitting you and you can get away and you come and I don't come after you. Yeah, she starts chasing him and stuff. But if you can get away. Get away if you're trapped or whatever. Self defense, usually. And it can be argued. I know that. But he went and got a weapon and then started a new fight. He went back to a fight. So you can get like a lawyer can get you. That's bad.

[Dale Hellestri]

Next one is just a reminder for everyone with the 4th of July coming up.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, guys, careful with your. Something flaming in his hand here. It's a lot open. It just blew up in his hand. Oh, here he comes with. Oh, just tattered, son.

[Dale Hellestri]

I think we're done for the night.

[John Holmberg]

And he's running to. If there's a hospital in that city, it's less clean than the place he was running.

[Dick Toledo]

He's not running a hospital. He's running to his aunt's house. She's got better meds.

[John Holmberg]

That's true. Oh, his hand is just tattered. Joke Cigar.

[Dale Hellestri]

Okay, finally got another street fight.

[John Holmberg]

Arabic.

[Dale Hellestri]

This guy lands too big.

[John Holmberg]

All right, that's two dudes fighting. One dude in the blue, like, bodysuit. Oh, he ducks two punches. Now he's not looking. Oh, he lands one on the big.

[Dale Hellestri]

Guy just to look away.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, the. The. Oh, he gets up, and he lands it again.

[Dick Toledo]

Is that a flying elbow?

[John Holmberg]

I'll tell you this. The kid who ends up landing two punches. Well, yeah, he's smaller, but he also ducks two incredibly like, strong haymakers. And then that second punch is awesome. This kid knows how to fight. First guy's just throwing haymakers. Wide open, slow punches, and he takes a shot to the head, starts to get up, kids waiting on him, closes the door to the left. Wow. Can't judge a book. Because if I'd have put money on that first clip. It's the big dude. Little guy kicked his ass. Next one feeding I've ever taken in my life was a dude's about 120 pounds. I swear to God. Just destroyed.

[Dale Hellestri]

He's going out.

[Dick Toledo]

The one you couldn't. You couldn't hit when he's on the ropes. He just.

[John Holmberg]

I was told not to hit him too hard.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

Oh. There was no on the ropes. The bell rang, and I broke my nose and my jaw in the first two punches. There was six seconds into that fight.

[Dick Toledo]

That's that tall kid, right?

[John Holmberg]

No. Nope. He was about 5, 4, 120 pounds, maybe 120 pounds. And he hit me so fast and so hard twice. I had not left the corner. I took a step, and he came running at me. I'm like, this little guy's in trouble. And he stopped 17, 18 seconds later to tell me he didn't want to hit me anymore because I was bleeding so hard. You're bleeding pretty hard. I'm like, yeah, we're good. No, no, I don't want to hit you anymore. You're bleeding really hard like I am. I know. I'm dizzy right now. I just need you to support me. He kicked my ass.

[Dick Toledo]

Can we clutch?

[John Holmberg]

Two punches. Two punches. Nose was hanging by the. It was just way. It's still, if I push it, it's because of him. This is because.

[Dale Hellestri]

Oh, my.

[John Holmberg]

You can't. You never see me do this. It's been a while. It's. That's my nose. And then my jaw was out of line. You're bleeding really hard, which. Shut up. Act like you're hitting me in the forehead or. So quit punching my nose. Kid kicked my ass. If you looked at the two of us next to each other, it sounded like Squidward. Oh, all right, SpongeBob, that's enough of that. But if you'd have looked at us before, you'd be like, put all your money on the big bald one that's gonna kill that guy. Nope.

[Dale Hellestri]

Next one's a mama pulling up her Harley trike on the trailer.

[John Holmberg]

I like this. She's got her three wheeler. It's Jamie Lee Curtis. Oh, they forgot to put the brake on. It rolled right off the trailer. Oh, she falls off the trailer. Trailer. Everything went south on this one, grandma. There's an E brake on this thing.

[Dale Hellestri]

Not even help, really.

[John Holmberg]

He chases the bike. He lets her fall off the trailer. He's nowhere to be found. The bike's rolling away, man.

[Dick Toledo]

That's not a reminder to just walk and do some exercise all the time. If you can't balance, well, I mean.

[John Holmberg]

Come on, Rich, that's not fair.

[Dick Toledo]

No, it is too fair. That is absolutely.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, if you can't balance, you have to have a three wheeled motorcycle. You're already in trouble. I don't expect you to do tightrope. Like we should kill Toledo Scoop. Yeah.

[Dale Hellestri]

The last one's another fourth of July special. This is what a car looks like running into a fireworks. Oh, factory.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's hitting a fireworks. Car just freaking drove into the fireworks place. Oh, nothing to see here. Oh, my God. Into if this is like a naked gun. Yeah. Oh, my goodness. The whole place is going on. Oh, my God.

[Dick Toledo]

By the gas station while that's going.

[John Holmberg]

On, the fireworks are everywhere. This is beautiful.

[Dale Hellestri]

Finale.

[John Holmberg]

Man, this actually makes me want to drive into a fireworks factory.

[Joey Avery]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

I want to ghost ride into a fireworks.

[Dale Hellestri]

There's so many of those tents set up right now.

[John Holmberg]

I want to start my car on fire and then just neutral it right into one of those things and stand back and watch the show. I do it at night. I'm not an idiot. The daytime, it's kind of just noises. All right, well, there you go. We'll check with Brett one more time. 35th Avenue and Bell. He's at Safeway and they're Killing it. The SIA people are here. Look at that.

[Dick Toledo]

Dunn Edwards. Thank you.

[John Holmberg]

Dunn Edwards has dropped off a trailer full of water. Holy cow. Today is huge. We're making up. We're not here next week. We're doubling down. Nice job.

[Dick Toledo]

Crew is still going out next week.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, they are?

[Dick Toledo]

Yes. They're going out to 32nd street and Camelback.

[John Holmberg]

I think.

[Dick Toledo]

Think it's a safe way.

[John Holmberg]

It's right by my house. All right. There you go. All right, cool. Well, there you go. Thank you to everybody. We'll talk to Brett next. There goes your Brady Report. It's 98. Still streaming.

[Brady]

Homberg's Morning Sickness [e-mail].

[John Holmberg]

Like, yeah, was that Shaggy? Do we have Shaggy and his ding? I didn't even, like, yeah, yeah. People are giving me suggestions on how to do, like, I'm not doing. And the My favorite line that's been delivered to me on a Shaggy Scooby moment was, yeah, well, I used to guys like you in prison. That is an accidental smash hit. Thank God. We had to stretch. Brett's out there this morning, and man, oh, man, this is, I think, the biggest day in Operation Hydration history. It's gotta be. It's gotta be. Definitely gotta be. All right, so we just had to say again, guys, drop off a huge. Was it a pallet? And more. They just dumped off some here at the station. You were at 35th Avenue in Bell, already had the truck full, when what happened? Well, the. The ladies from Cutter Aviation show up. They come out every year, and they just brought in a car trailer full. So I filled both trucks. Now I literally can't take any more water. This is seriously. Okay. And so then the guys from the. The ladies and the guy from Dunn Edwards Paint shows up with four pallets on their truck. I don't even know. That's massive. I don't even know a truck could hold that. That's incredible. So, yeah, without question, the biggest day in Operation Hydration history. This is outstanding, outstanding work. Thanks for Dunn, Edward. Thanks to Qatar Aviation. I mean, they. They loaded us up this. This morning. It's crazy. That's amazing. Well, it's all for the Phoenix rescue mission, so it's all a good thing. That's outrageous. Brett, you're working is done. I'm out of here. I can't take any more water. Yeah, that's it. You got to come home. All right, well, that's it. Thank you to 30. But, Brett, say it out loud. I love 35th Avenue. Thank you. 35th Avenue. All right. Close enough. Where it's a start. It's a start. I can't expect you to leap that far right off. Feet first. First time. Be careful coming back. All right. There you go. Nice job. Red Vestley out there this morning at the Safeway. Operation Hydration, just raging along. That's beautiful. Joey Avery's here. He's at Desert Ridge Improv this weekend. We'll chat with him next after Nickelback. It's 98K, UPD, Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect. Still streaming.

[Brady]

Homberg's morning sickness [e-mail] look at that.

[John Holmberg]

Joey Avery's here and he's being all handsome with Brad. It's creepy. Desert Ridge Improv this morning. Joey's here. He's gonna be at Desert Ridge Improv tonight, tomorrow, Saturday, and Sunday.

[Joey Avery]

That's right.

[John Holmberg]

Welcome, sir. Sorry we're running late. Oh, no. Jump right in and make sure we get your time because we were running behind a little bit doing stupid stuff. But. Yeah, you're out here, and we were just talking about your hat. You just had a guy randomly approach you at a bar because you wear cool hats. Yeah. You get approached by dudes at bars a lot. Because Brad makes me feel like. You must.

[Dale Hellestri]

Mike. I'm gonna say yes. Yeah.

[Joey Avery]

You know, from time to time. Yeah. I think my. My dude quotient is. Is going pretty well right now because a hat. A hat. A guy could come up to you and. And just admire the team and be excited. Or in this case, he was just drunk and staring right through my soul.

[John Holmberg]

And wanted to beat you up for the hat you have on, which is a Durham Bulls hat.

[Joey Avery]

A minor league baseball. I don't think he knew what it was. I think he just probably had a lot of. He probably had other issues that he hasn't worked, worked through.

[John Holmberg]

Just a supporter of. Well, the defensive Bulls is his main priority.

[Joey Avery]

That might be it.

[Dale Hellestri]

Maybe you were disrespectful, played for the rival or something. He had a son that.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Who's the rival of the Durham Bulls. Taking it that seriously.

[Joey Avery]

If we're trying to follow the logic of a guy who was this drunk, I.

[John Holmberg]

That's always fun, though. Yeah. Drunk logic is always fun. Yeah. Yeah. Because he didn't make it to the pros, so he kept his loyalties in Durham versus Whomever they.

[Joey Avery]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Which is the Tennessee Hilltop. Yeah.

[Joey Avery]

Maybe he hated the movie.

[John Holmberg]

That could. Maybe he's not a Big Kevin. Maybe Kevin Costner banged it.

[Joey Avery]

Probably a Kevin Costner.

[John Holmberg]

There it is, dude. Yeah. Costner nailed his wife. Yeah. And you come strolling in there, just.

[Joey Avery]

Rubbing it, big supporter.

[John Holmberg]

You imagine 35 years later, you son of a bitch.

[Joey Avery]

If Costner bangs your wife, you probably wear that as a badge of honor, too. You're probably like, that's actually my fun fact.

[John Holmberg]

If it seemed close, I would encourage my wife to do it. It 100% just for the story.

[Joey Avery]

Yeah, yeah. Tin Cup.

[John Holmberg]

Tin Cup. That is water world, man. Yeah, that's. Yeah, we got something there.

[Joey Avery]

Might hit her with a seven iron.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you got some good stories there. Have you ever had a girl cheat on you with somebody better than you?

[Joey Avery]

Well, that'd be hard.

[John Holmberg]

You see what I just did for you? Did you see that?

[Joey Avery]

That was a nice laugh.

[John Holmberg]

Like, we're on the road together. That was an alley. Oop. No, it's, it's weird because I, like, I, I, I, I was divorced years ago, and clearly she won the divorce because she ended up marrying a guy who worked for Goldman Sachs. And then all the pictures on Instagram and stuff are them in, like, Africa. And then, and then I saw in the newspaper where they live that they bought a house and it made the newspaper.

[Joey Avery]

Oh, God.

[John Holmberg]

And I did fine.

[Joey Avery]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

But there's a winner and a loser in those. Well.

[Dale Hellestri]

And for a while, it looked like you were winning. Winning?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I thought I was killing it. Yeah. And then, and then they're like, oh, the, these people bought this, that famous house here in Austin, Texas. And they're like, it was in the paper. If you buy a house in the. And the city pays attention to it.

[Joey Avery]

Yeah. No, you gotta pivot at that point and just be like, they're unhappy, like, for different reasons. Being like, he didn't follow his dream. He's probably got, like a weird dark side. Like, they're unhappy for those reasons.

[Dale Hellestri]

Yeah. You were hoping it was a murder house or something.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's why I hope it becomes one. Yeah.

[Brady]

My one.

[John Holmberg]

My one.

[Joey Avery]

Action X is like a billionaire.

[Dale Hellestri]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, really? Yeah.

[Joey Avery]

Like, yeah, it's, I mean, but it was like we were high school. Like, I haven't, you know, I don't have a ton of serious exes, but yeah, she's always on yachts and stuff. And I'm just like, yeah, but, but.

[Dale Hellestri]

Lauren Sanchez, she's empty.

[John Holmberg]

She's empty. Yeah.

[Joey Avery]

Yeah, it's Lauren Sanchez.

[John Holmberg]

How was she getting married in Venice this weekend. How is she a billionaire?

[Joey Avery]

Her dad.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, of course. She's not a. Take a guess. Yeah, no, I Knew that. Yeah. I was wondering. I knew. You said a woman, right? Yeah. I just want to know the tr. Trace the trail back to the guy.

[Joey Avery]

No, dad. Her dad rules.

[John Holmberg]

And he's a good guy.

[Joey Avery]

Great guy.

[John Holmberg]

And you guys were together?

[Joey Avery]

Just followed me on Instagram yesterday.

[John Holmberg]

Really? Yeah.

[Joey Avery]

I think I might be back in the will.

[John Holmberg]

He misses you.

[Joey Avery]

He does.

[John Holmberg]

Which means he hates the new guy.

[Joey Avery]

100.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, this is. You have to. Dude. Yeah. Dude.

[Dale Hellestri]

So this is relatively fresh. Or is it.

[Joey Avery]

No, no, it's, like, from high school, but I don't. I don't forget.

[John Holmberg]

I don't either. Isn't it great? Did you go. Where do you. Where did you grow up?

[Joey Avery]

I grew up in the Bay Area.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, so it's a big city, but there's a small area that you grew up in, and now that you've got some notoriety and stuff. Stuff. Do you go back there and find the girl that wouldn't and make her yours?

[Joey Avery]

Well, I can't, because I'm married.

[John Holmberg]

I don't care.

[Joey Avery]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

Follow. Follow what I say.

[Joey Avery]

I know what you're saying.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. Is there anybody there that you're like, oh, there's piles of them.

[Joey Avery]

Anyone who's ever. Who's ever rejected or wronged me. I want to occupy a level of real estate in their head.

[John Holmberg]

That's beautiful.

[Joey Avery]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That almost made me cry. I'm not gonna lie. That was. You should work for Hallmark. Yeah. That was a gorgeous joke.

[Dale Hellestri]

That's n good card.

[John Holmberg]

That would. Yeah. I'm going to occupy space in your head. Son of a. Joey Avery's at the Desert Ridge Improv this weekend. So you are married?

[Joey Avery]

I am.

[John Holmberg]

And does she care that you care that the billionaire dad is following you again? Because that's a tough one for your current wife to realize that.

[Joey Avery]

I didn't bring that up.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, probably. Why would I bring that up? You were so cavalier about it here.

[Joey Avery]

I mean. Yeah, I don't know. It's a local, right? I mean, I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, we're pretty big in Djibouti. True. That is actually true. We have a following in Djibouti. We?

[Joey Avery]

No, because I, you know, I, I, I keep, like, any. Any girl who I've ever been with. The dad always kind of likes me forever. Like, I just get along with the boys.

[John Holmberg]

Nice.

[Joey Avery]

And she knows that.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. If the billionaire dad talked you into dating his daughter again, would you leave your current situation?

[Joey Avery]

No, no, no. Because happiness is. Is more important.

[John Holmberg]

Stop it.

[Joey Avery]

You said you were well distributed.

[Brady]

Yeah, but Come on, man.

[John Holmberg]

It's crazy. Billionaires. You can find some hats.

[Joey Avery]

Yeah. It is funny though when you're, when you're just like at some point I imagine you're just sitting on, on a yacht for the 90th day that you did nothing to earn in your own life and you're just, you're, you're made of 90 champagne and you're like, maybe this wasn't now, now I have to get into some new weird like fetish or something like what's next?

[John Holmberg]

Right. You know, would it be fun to find out? It would be to find out what's better than this.

[Joey Avery]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It's up to you. You.

[Joey Avery]

That is true. When you just like work and live a normal life, you never really get to find out what's truly wrong.

[John Holmberg]

Meanwhile, you're going to spend your 33rd weekend in a row in a day's in hanging out with the likes of Brad and club owners. Yeah, that is true. Could have been on a yacht.

[Dale Hellestri]

Yeah.

[Joey Avery]

When you look at Brad, it really, really recontextualizes what Monaco is probably like.

[John Holmberg]

Every day or whenever you want. Yeah, that's the best. Yeah. What were we talking about a few days ago for a billion dollars and there was some sort of.

[Dale Hellestri]

Would your. And you'd say would you, would your wife be okay with this?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. If you did something for a billion but a billion dollars, do you have a price for like any sort of weird activity you have a price for?

[Joey Avery]

We all have a price for every sort of weird activity.

[John Holmberg]

Right. You'd bail out for a billion, right? I don't know.

[Joey Avery]

I mean, I think.

[John Holmberg]

What is your present?

[Dale Hellestri]

600 pound Sister.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah. 600 pound Sister. Sister. You know who those girls are?

[Joey Avery]

I don't know him specifically, but I.

[John Holmberg]

Think I have a pretty good idea. Well, yeah, it's right there in the top.

[Joey Avery]

They lift him in a crane, right?

[John Holmberg]

Well, they lift him in and out of the house through a wall.

[Joey Avery]

Right. It's like Harry Potter.

[John Holmberg]

But would you. Cuz I remember now. Yeah. Would you do that? And everybody's like, I'm not so sure.

[Joey Avery]

For a billion dollars to marry or, or, or make lovely.

[John Holmberg]

Please. Or.

[Joey Avery]

Okay, so you're, you're digging through the folds.

[Dale Hellestri]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

All you'd hear it coming out of that house. House is from me.

[Joey Avery]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Are you kidding me?

[Joey Avery]

Did you say billion or million?

[John Holmberg]

Billion. For a million I'd do it. Okay. I'm gonna say yeah.

[Joey Avery]

A billion is a layup.

[John Holmberg]

These guys were like, I'm not so sure. For a billion you wouldn't eat.

[Joey Avery]

You wouldn't eat a sloppy box for a million dollars.

[John Holmberg]

Joey Avery. Very classy. Absolutely. The. The right way to answer that.

[Joey Avery]

Come on, you could help out. Like, you know.

[Dale Hellestri]

You know, I would try, but they would say, oh, you didn't do it.

[John Holmberg]

You know what? Yeah, cuz you're just licking something.

[Joey Avery]

Well, obviously, it doesn't have to be. Nothing can please them. They're insatiable. They got to be £600.

[Dale Hellestri]

He's like, he said, finish off.

[John Holmberg]

No, you got to finish her off.

[Dale Hellestri]

Yeah.

[Joey Avery]

Oh, dear.

[John Holmberg]

I need to put plastic down.

[Joey Avery]

It's gonna be a problem.

[John Holmberg]

I'll do it.

[Joey Avery]

But in fairness, no one's probably found.

[John Holmberg]

Magic button.

[Joey Avery]

The magic button.

[John Holmberg]

I was gonna say.

[Joey Avery]

I don't think I can say that word.

[John Holmberg]

The second you hit it, she's gonna be like, what's that? She's never found.

[Dale Hellestri]

You're down there for a half hour, and you.

[John Holmberg]

It.

[Dale Hellestri]

You failed. So it was just a waste of time.

[John Holmberg]

You stop.

[Joey Avery]

You keep going.

[John Holmberg]

Wait a second. You quit after 30. Yeah.

[Joey Avery]

That's a million dollars an hour. Uber eats some Popeyes. Let her keep eating.

[John Holmberg]

And I don't mean to be rude, but look at Brady. He'll eat anything. He's pulling up at 30 minutes. Here.

[Joey Avery]

No, just fight for it, dude.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Land the plane, man.

[Dale Hellestri]

Think about, like, I don't have problems, you know? Hell.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I'm discovering this right now.

[Dale Hellestri]

This is now that fat apron up.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Joey Avery]

You got to get in there.

[John Holmberg]

It's now the John and Joey show, and unfortunately, we have run out of time for you, Brady. You're gonna have to go. Yeah. I don't understand when people do that, because I think that is a very true statement that. That you would do a lot more than you think you would for.

[Joey Avery]

For the right amount of money.

[John Holmberg]

Extreme amount of money.

[Joey Avery]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And I don't believe anybody that's like love and Shut up.

[Joey Avery]

No, but there is. There is. It's a balancing game.

[John Holmberg]

Game. But, yeah.

[Joey Avery]

I mean, if you get the right amount of money, you know, you could.

[John Holmberg]

I'd do it.

[Joey Avery]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I don't know where I'd draw that line.

[Joey Avery]

I don't either.

[John Holmberg]

Ass play.

[Joey Avery]

Well, what kind?

[John Holmberg]

You know.

[Dale Hellestri]

Well, yeah, I do.

[John Holmberg]

You're familiar with it. Everybody's been a. Oops. Oh, yeah. That's not so bad. Yeah. And. Yeah. So you're. Yeah.

[Joey Avery]

Knuckle. Makes you wonder about the full. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You know, I was actually talking about her, but let's get into this joke. Sure. The 600 pound Sister. Sister. If you.

[Joey Avery]

Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, because you might unleash the Kraken.

[John Holmberg]

Yes.

[Joey Avery]

Oh, and that you don't want to do.

[John Holmberg]

I'd bathe in it for a billion dollars. I'd be into this scat play. All of it. Don't care. 600 pound sister unleashing on me like. Yep. Yeah.

[Joey Avery]

See anything that, like there's. There are very few things that take a few hours that I wouldn't do for a billion dollars. It's more about like the rest of your life. Stuff that gets squirrely. It's like a weird. A weird hour with my 600 pound girl. Just. I'm getting wet and wild. Dude, give me a poncho. Let's go to the.

[John Holmberg]

We're going. Yeah. Yep. That's why I've always said this in its growth. Put the plastic.

[Dale Hellestri]

I'm going through there, cutting through the.

[John Holmberg]

Put some plastic down. Don't wreck any matches. Make it nice for the next guy and so just get out of there.

[Joey Avery]

The next guy.

[John Holmberg]

Well, there's probably somebody else going to use that.

[Dale Hellestri]

Billionaire.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. The next. Yeah. America's next billionaire. Ira Banks is there judging a new.

[Joey Avery]

Way to create wealth. It's like the reverse Bonnie Blue.

[John Holmberg]

Joey Avery's at the Desert Ridge improv this weekend. DesertRidge improv.com or. How long you been married?

[Joey Avery]

Married two and a half years.

[John Holmberg]

Really?

[Joey Avery]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And you were together for a while?

[Joey Avery]

Yeah, like 13 years. No, we met in college.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, all right. Yeah. This is a long time coming. Did you put the heat on you?

[Joey Avery]

No, she didn't. She, she, she slow played it. She, she did a brilliant thing and she knew when we met in college that I was kind of like. I was like, hey, you know, I, I really like you, but I want to be, you know, I still want to be single and free or whatever. And so she just played it really cool.

[Dick Toledo]

Cool.

[Joey Avery]

Yeah, she just bottled up the crazy and played it really cool. And she'll tell you. She's like. I told myself, she's like, play it cool. Don't be a. Don't be a weirdo. Yeah, you'll scare them off.

[John Holmberg]

And like. Yeah, like you're a racehorse.

[Joey Avery]

Yeah, exactly. She did a really.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. She's giving you carrots. Everything seems okay.

[Joey Avery]

And then it was like, yeah, forever. I, I like, wanted to be single, but I didn't want to lose this person who I really liked for my life. And now we're 13, 14 years and it actually works.

[John Holmberg]

And you had no idea she had trapped you.

[Joey Avery]

I Had no idea she had trapped me. And she wasn't even a billionaire.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I don't know how that happened. Did you know the girl in high school was a billionaire when you were.

[Joey Avery]

Like, I don't know if it's Bill. It's, it's several hundred, whatever it is. But, yeah, we all knew they were like the.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. The family.

[Joey Avery]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, man.

[Dale Hellestri]

Is the wife an earner at all?

[Joey Avery]

She is, she is. She makes her own.

[John Holmberg]

Is she a comedian? No.

[Joey Avery]

Thank God. Could you imagine?

[John Holmberg]

No, I can't. I see people do it and I'm like, I don't know why you're doing this.

[Dale Hellestri]

There's only one that I know well.

[John Holmberg]

Well, Tom. And, and, but yeah, there's plenty of of them that date each other. I'm like, I don't know how you get away with this.

[Joey Avery]

Yeah, it's wild when I see it and it works. I'm like, I'm happy for you, but I, I, yeah, I need to be the only one doing this.

[John Holmberg]

You can't have somebody competing or what if they hacked some of your stuff? That was mine.

[Joey Avery]

Yeah, that and also, it's like, I don't want both of us to be in the same head space all the time. I want comedy to be this cool thing that I go do and then I come home or I hang out with my friends who aren't comedians and it's this exotic world to them and we're not just sitting around complaining about like social media algorithms or whatever. Like happens in green rooms now, you know?

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. Yeah. And it's, it's going well.

[Joey Avery]

It's going well.

[John Holmberg]

The end game is what, what do you want to, what do you want to have happen to the Joey Avery experience?

[Joey Avery]

I mean, I like what I'm doing now. I think I just like to do it all at a higher level. I'd like to sell more tickets, do more shows, put out more stuff. I just filmed my first special, which is exciting.

[Brady]

That's great.

[Joey Avery]

And, yeah, you know, just start selling out club weekends if that stop doing morning radio. Well, I always come see you guys. Stop that.

[Dale Hellestri]

There we go. He's on his way.

[Joey Avery]

I need to check in on, on my 600 pound sisters.

[John Holmberg]

You need to come back in here. Just cover going, guys, I did it. Yeah, I don't, I, I. What I want is great success for people. And the first sign of that is that conversation we just had, which is, oh, I'll always come see you, and then. And then live at the Footprint center downtown. You're in the arena. Yeah. And for some reason, Joey didn't show up that weekend. Yeah.

[Joey Avery]

You go do the morning radio at night, right?

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. And that's what I want. Because.

[Brady]

No, I cancel.

[Joey Avery]

I had tickets to a Broadway show last night that I canceled to fly here to get here to see.

[John Holmberg]

They made you do that? They did.

[Joey Avery]

It's in the contract.

[John Holmberg]

You did not do it because you wanted to. You were forced to do that, or they were going to.

[Joey Avery]

I will say this is my favorite morning RA show. That's nice that I'm not lying.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. I appreciate that. But still, the bottom line is, eventually, you're going to not wake up for this. And that will be be the greatest gift you can give us.

[Joey Avery]

I'll send you a text.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, text.

[Joey Avery]

I can't be like, dude, I'm in town. And then you know what? I'll invite you to the show. And you know what you'll say?

[John Holmberg]

I can't make it. I can't go. I'm busy that night. Adam. Ray, text me to the. I'm in town on Friday. I can't wait to. Hey, bro, I'm gonna be there. I'll see you on Friday.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And I'm like, okay, awesome. And then Thursday. Oh, plane got canceled, bro. Not gonna get there till three. I'm like, I knew it. I know that it's gonna happen. And Joe Coy, all these guys. But the best part is, and now we're running late. And this is our 25th year, so I don't know if we going to be there for all these. When we see you on your way back down. Yes. And that's my. That's been my gift. That's been you. You got too big. And then. Oh, you're coming back on our show. That's when I know.

[Joey Avery]

It is a mountain circle. It is a mountain. And you go down it.

[John Holmberg]

Yes. Yeah. There's another side. And it's fun to watch. Hey, we haven't seen you in years. What's going on? You're playing the clubs again.

[Joey Avery]

Yeah. And then they don't want to talk. You go, which wife is this exactly?

[John Holmberg]

You know, Titus, I've been to H. So we get it.

[Brady]

All right?

[John Holmberg]

He understands. Joey gets it. Yeah. Yeah. So what else is going on in your world?

[Joey Avery]

Well, not much. I mean, I'm in New York.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Joey Avery]

Which is fun. Yeah. Tape the special and just kind of traveling around, and it's been great.

[John Holmberg]

Are you concerned that we're in the middle of World War iii? Perhaps. Is it fun?

[Joey Avery]

So that Was interesting.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Joey Avery]

Trump bombed Iran, like, 10 minutes before I had to go on stage.

[John Holmberg]

Is that right?

[Joey Avery]

So I got to let you let a room full of people in Cleveland learn that news from me. And I'm, like, the weirdest news source. I'm literally wearing, like, breaking news.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Joey Avery]

I'm wearing a shirt with Barry Bonds smoking a cigar on it. Like, y' all hear about Iran? Or, sounds like we're going after the nuclear facilities.

[John Holmberg]

Did you. Did you intentionally go up and say I should tell the people?

[Joey Avery]

Well, I mean, to be ultimately cynical and honest with you, I was like, this might be. You know, there may be a war breaking out, but this is a hell of an opportunity for a topic. Topical clip.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Joey Avery]

So I went up and I filmed it, and I edited it that night and posted the next morning on my Instagram.

[John Holmberg]

You went fully selfish about potentially the.

[Joey Avery]

End of our interests aligned.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's true. I liked. That's a good way to see that, you know?

[Joey Avery]

And it's just. It was just funny because the way he did it, I mean, he bombed them, and then immediately he's like, now's the time for peace.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Joey Avery]

He did the, like, slap him in the face and then run away and be like, it's over now.

[John Holmberg]

It was like, when your dad spanks you and he goes, this hurts me as much as it does you. Yeah. There was that moment, like. Like, wait a minute. He was just really. We blew a bunch of stuff up, and now's the time for peace because we're done.

[Joey Avery]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I love being an American.

[Joey Avery]

It's fascinating watching Trump, because I could see. I feel like once he. Once he, like, engages with someone, then he kind of starts liking them.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Joey Avery]

Like, I feel like now he's being, like, nice to Iran. He's like, they told us about their missiles.

[John Holmberg]

They. Yeah, he thanked them. He did. We want to thank. Let us know. That was great.

[Brady]

We really appreciate that.

[John Holmberg]

And then there's like, oh, I guess that, like, we just winked and nodded at the dude shooting missiles.

[Joey Avery]

Well, and it's funny because I think that's always been a part of military is you. You do these kind of things in the background, which are supposed to. It's supposed to help Iran save face. Like, hey, we need to send some missiles. But we're going to tell you because we don't want to escalate.

[Dale Hellestri]

There's a protocol.

[Joey Avery]

Supposed to be a backroom deal.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Joey Avery]

And then Trump just tweets it out. He goes, I want to thank them.

[John Holmberg]

For their weak missiles.

[Joey Avery]

I Don't know if you're supposed to tweet that.

[John Holmberg]

Did you see him cussing?

[Joey Avery]

That was the best thing.

[John Holmberg]

Isn't that the most fired.

[Joey Avery]

Me.

[John Holmberg]

I wanted to wave a flag for, like, a half an hour. I don't know why. I've never. I.

[Dale Hellestri]

Because he walked off to.

[John Holmberg]

Never heard another president.

[Joey Avery]

They don't know what. I won't say they're doing.

[John Holmberg]

And then he just left.

[Joey Avery]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It was his TV training. He knew. He knew that was the monster shot.

[Joey Avery]

It was helpful, too, because I think we've all felt that way where it's. It's another one of these, like, are we 100% sure we need to be involved scenarios. And so when he lashed out like that, I felt seen a little bit.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Joey Avery]

I was like, I also think they don't know what the f. They're doing.

[John Holmberg]

It was a. It was a wildly fun moment. No matter which side you're on, you have to sit back and go, okay, that might.

[Joey Avery]

And what are the side. I mean, not to dive into, like, Middle east politics right now, but, like, what. What are the. Are we our own side? Is our side just Israel?

[John Holmberg]

What are.

[Joey Avery]

What are our own interests?

[John Holmberg]

I think it's just Israel.

[Joey Avery]

That's what it seems like.

[John Holmberg]

And I'm fine with that.

[Joey Avery]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Iran's been a pain in the ass since I've been alive. So, yeah, there's enough. Yeah, that's enough.

[Joey Avery]

Same thing he did where you're just being a parent. You're like, they don't know what they're doing.

[John Holmberg]

All right, Turn it down. We said it for 45 years. Turn it down. And they won't. We went up and we turned it up.

[Joey Avery]

Out.

[Dale Hellestri]

Fine.

[John Holmberg]

You do not want me to come up there. That's basically what this was. Don't make me turn the car around. And I. I got no problem with that.

[Dale Hellestri]

Do you ever have that calling the dude dudes? They just took my car away.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I can't. I can't make it Dick.

[Joey Avery]

Do you ever had. Did you see the videos of the. The bombers? Like, the B52 bombers?

[John Holmberg]

I saw the plan. Cool.

[Joey Avery]

But then you go, like, when they frown. I paid for that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I forgot.

[Joey Avery]

I did buy that.

[John Holmberg]

I kicked in on that. I actually did some research and looked up how it works.

[Joey Avery]

How does it work?

[John Holmberg]

I still don't know. But there's a load of stuff in there. Like, they hide the engines. They've got, like, cooling things, so it doesn't make a heat signature. It's an incredible thing. It's $2 billion per plane. Yeah.

[Joey Avery]

Don't crash it. I'm glad they didn't crash.

[John Holmberg]

Don't crash one of those.

[Joey Avery]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I will actually get a little bit.

[Joey Avery]

The boys were probably again. Again we can debate policy but the boys were probably fired up to take.

[John Holmberg]

That out for a spin and actually use. And actually use. And they've been staring at these 30,000 pound bunker busters like what do they really do?

[Joey Avery]

It must have been nice. It's like when I go out for a weekend I have a bag full of merch and then like my hope is that when I go home my bag will be lighter because I'll have sold some merch. I think that's how they felt about those $30,000 pound rather.

[Dale Hellestri]

How about the 37 hour flight light. That's what I was.

[Joey Avery]

Oh yeah.

[Dale Hellestri]

How do you go after him on the plane?

[John Holmberg]

We found out all this stuff there is.

[Joey Avery]

Do you fridge. Do they have United in flight entertainment.

[John Holmberg]

Take a break. You watch a movie.

[Joey Avery]

You're watching a Kevin Hart film.

[Dale Hellestri]

Fire up a Hot Pocket in the microwave.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. They still show cruddy movies.

[Joey Avery]

So were were they. Do they have a catheter or like what's the PE scenario?

[John Holmberg]

They do have a bathroom. Oh yeah. You can.

[Joey Avery]

In the B52.

[John Holmberg]

In the B52. A little restroom you go with there because it's just the catheter wouldn't be enough. Just 37 hours is. Guys like Brady need the bathroom. You need the bathroom a couple of times.

[Joey Avery]

Yeah. You can blow up.

[John Holmberg]

There's no clinch drop.

[Dale Hellestri]

Is one of those frozen poops.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You can also do that. Insult to injury and BR would be about 28 went down with the ball. Yeah.

[Joey Avery]

Infiltrated the nuclear facility.

[John Holmberg]

Blow it up and you just hear gross. Like the Iranians.

[Brady]

It smells bad.

[John Holmberg]

Joey Avery's at Desert Ridge Improv all weekend long. We thank you for getting getting up and doing this maybe for the last time.

[Joey Avery]

Ah, we'll see.

[John Holmberg]

You're gonna be in a theater next.

[Dale Hellestri]

The special comes out.

[John Holmberg]

Special comes out.

[Joey Avery]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Seeing big things for Joey Avery. Don't screw it up.

[Joey Avery]

I'll always come see you guys. Or at least send you a text when I don't.

[John Holmberg]

No clue how many times we've a ghost with a ghost emoji clue how many times.

[Joey Avery]

I'll always come. I'll tell you this. I'll always come see you guys as long as our interests align.

[John Holmberg]

And there it is. And for a billion dollars I'm gonna make you do something weird. It's Perfect. Joey, leave us with words of wisdom. Sir.

[Joey Avery]

Yes, you know, life is confusing and it's hard to know what to do. But the best thing that you can ever do is come on out to the Desert Ridge Improv this weekend, folks. Thursday through Sunday, Joey Avery. I'll be there. Check me out.

[John Holmberg]

Little clumsy compared to my alley Oop, but not bad. Well done. Desert Ridge improv.com Go see Joey this weekend. It's 98, Arizona's most powerful rock and videos station. He said fully erect.

[Brady]

Still streaming Homberg's morning sickness [e-mail] what? Who is this?

[John Holmberg]

The Offspring.

[Brady]

Who?

[John Holmberg]

You've heard of the Offspring? Shut up.

[Brady]

The offspring.

[John Holmberg]

9:19 in the morning Sickness. And you hear his dulcet tones in the background. Dale Hellistry joins us once again, brought to you by our friends at prestige billiards, az.com which, by the way, also, I'm in a battle with Prestige Billiards and Turf Monsters for who wants to sell me a grill more. Because I said I was going to get a grill. And the guy, Turf Monsters, Ryan goes, hey, we do grills if you want to grow. I'm like, I didn't. I.

[Dale Hellestri]

Everybody's grill.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody wants grills. Let me see. Let me see you, too. So now I'm going to pit friends against each other and see who can get this thing. I think I can whittle this down to where they're paying me. This is fantastic.

[Brady]

Are you a griller?

[John Holmberg]

I. No, not for other people. Like, I'll go out and make myself a steak. But if they're friends for some reason.

[Brady]

Your house, I would think Megan would be the griller.

[John Holmberg]

Good Lord. Number you don't trust a woman.

[Brady]

You don't put. She's a man.

[John Holmberg]

Out of the house. This is just. He's trying. Look, I know what he's doing. He's trying to set a little. Dale's been doing some writing. He's working and he's working. So keep it up or we'll put sand around the building and you'll never get in. Anyway, Dale, Hell here, prestige billiards az.com you can go there, use meathead on there and get a discount and everything else. Or just call up and say, hey, Kevin, I've heard you on kupd. And then he'll tell you story after story that will go nowhere.

[Brady]

And then a quick story.

[John Holmberg]

No, no such thing.

[Brady]

A quick story.

[John Holmberg]

He calls him a quick story. And that basically means reserve the next 30 minutes for Kevin's words. And so there you go. Dale is here. Let's first before. Do you want to get into your, your bit? You've brought a bit.

[Dale Hellestri]

Yeah, he's got a bit.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I'm gonna ruin it already.

[Brady]

Here's what I don't like about when I do things with you. Whether it's go to a sun's game, whether it's go golf. See, you are the only one that has a microphone.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[Brady]

So you can, you can spin it any way you want to.

[John Holmberg]

And let me interrupt her by saying, that's what talent gets you. Otherwise they take the microphone away. Like you have experienced many golfing the other day.

[Brady]

I, I, I didn't realize you just write down a 20 if you hit it. Yes, in the, in the.

[John Holmberg]

If. If I have to look for the ball, it's a 20.

[Brady]

And then. And let, and yet you let little Brady go out there and maybe get bit by a rattles.

[John Holmberg]

What did I say to Brady? Don't look for it. He can't get enough. Yeah.

[Dale Hellestri]

I'm addicted to finding golf balls.

[John Holmberg]

And he thinks people are impressed when he spots it. I think I, I hate it. And I'll take a golf ball that I just didn't like the shot and throw it in the desert.

[Brady]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

And I see his brain like, what are you doing?

[Dale Hellestri]

And I'm hoping there's a rattler.

[Brady]

Well, actually, he was out there looking through bushes. Finally found it. Toss it back to you, and then you threw it back in the desert.

[John Holmberg]

I didn't want it. I told him not to do it. Said, I don't want that ball. It's a GC ball. Yeah. I have a thing. And it's mainly comes from playing with people who cheat in scores where they'll go out, hit a ball in a bush, they reach down in the bush, they dig it out, they pick it up, they put it back on grass. Grass. Hit a shot, and they're walking off the green going five.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I'm like, five. You walked around with it for a while. That's at least a 20. You're disqualified to five. And then they seriously, like a shot in 83. I'm like, you did not. Like there's nine strokes of you walking around with the ball for a second.

[Brady]

Especially, Especially if you're playing for money.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

You know you want to cheat when you're just out there. Whatever.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but then don't start telling me what you did on that hole. Don't start going, bear. I'm like, birdie. Like, you. You nurtured it for a few minutes in your hands that you can't do that. So I put a 20 on a bad hit to make those guys feel horrible if they decide to start scoring themselves favorably.

[Brady]

I have a good buddy. We've been friends since 8 years old. And he went to Notre Dame on a football scholarship and whatever. We're still huge competitors, best friends. But I would rather lose $20 to Brady and win $5 to. From him. Right. Because that's just our relationship. And so when we would play, if I got a five and he got an eight.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

I write down six for him. And so at the end of the day, really, I cut about 12 strokes off his score.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

And he's like, oh, I shot a 95. I said, yeah, you played. So it was handicapped. He never went out.

[John Holmberg]

He never chased it. Oh, what an idiot. And that's amazing that you've been outwitted by Dale. This guy shouldn't be allowed in a car.

[Brady]

All right, so. So, all right.

[John Holmberg]

So you've got a video of me swinging a golf club?

[Brady]

No, not, Not. It's not the swing, John. The swing is fine. But it's the pre shot.

[Dale Hellestri]

Look at how beautiful that is.

[John Holmberg]

That is a NICO Paul Golf.

[Brady]

2, 3.

[John Holmberg]

I've got a waggle.

[Brady]

4, 5, 6, 7.

[Dick Toledo]

Is this.

[John Holmberg]

13, 14, 15.

[Dale Hellestri]

Is this the one where he does a little dip? There, there, there, Bob.

[John Holmberg]

That's a good looking swing. That's actually a pretty good looking swing, except for evidently that was a garbage hit. And you know why that was a garbage hit? Because I got used. There's no audio on this.

[Brady]

Come on, hit the ball. I couldn't watch anymore.

[John Holmberg]

That makes the waggle worse.

[Brady]

I had to turn and look away.

[John Holmberg]

You think. You think your swing's pretty?

[Brady]

No, but I don't waggle for five minutes.

[John Holmberg]

I wouldn't waggle for five minutes if you'd shut up.

[Brady]

You did what? I.

[John Holmberg]

What I said to the card quietly. No, I waggle.

[Brady]

Is that is a. Is that annoying? You being a good golfer is annoying to see John Johnny. And you know he's gonna slice it.

[John Holmberg]

You don't know, though.

[Brady]

We knew you're gonna slice it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, like I beat you by 20 strokes. Yeah. I have a whack. I can't. And it's weird because it's this. It's uncontrollable.

[Brady]

I asked you to hit one.

[John Holmberg]

Can't do it.

[Dale Hellestri]

It's gotten, oh, 10 times the last year or so. But it's. But there's occasional. It just locks.

[John Holmberg]

Indicates surprisingly, it's gotten better, which is a crazy.

[Brady]

You used to waggle more than that.

[John Holmberg]

There was a time when I couldn't stop it. I'd have to actually start yelling at the club. He'd yell at himself, come on, idiot.

[Brady]

My hands were here before, and I don't remember.

[John Holmberg]

It just started last year, and I don't know where it came. So remember when Charles Barkley. I told you this? When Charles Barkley had that weird thing and you're like, why doesn't he just stop doing that?

[Brady]

Right?

[John Holmberg]

It's in his head. It's a mental.

[Brady]

Golf will do that.

[John Holmberg]

It is a weird. Like, once I started to do it, I'm like, I gotta stop it. Like, my brain. I'm like, just stop it, stop it, stop it. Your hands just keep going. You're like, I don't know how to stop this. Like, my hands are doing this involuntarily now and then I find once the. Once the club hits the ground, I'm good.

[Brady]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

But I cannot get it.

[Brady]

So just put it down.

[John Holmberg]

I've tried that, and you know what usually happens? It lifts back up and starts going. But once I waggle, and then when the thing hits and I do the dip with my shoulder, it's good. It's this weird. I don't know what happened. It's a mental thing.

[Brady]

I mean, if. If you were, like, on TV for some weird reason, the announcers would be.

[Dale Hellestri]

All over Sergio Garcia.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Sergio Garcia had nothing on John Holberg.

[John Holmberg]

It's a hitch. And it's a weird.

[Brady]

I started calling him Serge.

[John Holmberg]

It's a weird hitch. Now, the problem with that being this one says, yeah, he said, this guy needs to be banned from the station again. Have him go do his excuse of a podcast until he learns how to tread out of a sand trap after that day. That's right. People are on my side. You don't make fun of the wagon you trapped in the sand trap. I did not film that. But you want to talk about annoying and taking up all day?

[Brady]

Okay, but let's be honest. Brady, and Brady will be the arbit. Arbitrator.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, okay.

[Brady]

That was a unbelievably deep.

[Dale Hellestri]

It was a deep trap.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, I got in there to help him in and then popped, right?

[Brady]

Oh, you did not get in.

[John Holmberg]

I walked around in it. Yeah, I walked around while you were. You were struggling.

[Dale Hellestri]

He knew better not to get in there.

[John Holmberg]

You used my human flesh as a guide to get in it. You needed to balance to get in there. It wasn't that deep.

[Brady]

It was as deep a sand trap as I've ever been in.

[John Holmberg]

That's not true.

[Brady]

Yeah, Brady, I don't know.

[Dale Hellestri]

You played a lot of cor.

[John Holmberg]

You've been in a lot of sand.

[Brady]

If Brady was in there, you couldn't see the top of his head. I promise you.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that doesn't mean anything. There's a way out.

[Brady]

There wasn't a way out. Usually there's one part of the sand trap where you can.

[Dale Hellestri]

They could step out.

[John Holmberg]

Bottom line was it took you about 18 minutes to climb out with your head.

[Brady]

And I crawled.

[John Holmberg]

Hilarious. We all watched. And then the worst part is there was a staircase to leave the green table cart. You took three breaks.

[Brady]

Yeah, well, I was about. I was about ready to say f this course.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestri]

You're ready to throw an in.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's fine. But the worst thing that would have happened there is you'd have had to walk all the way back to the thing. Cuz I wasn't leaving and I was.

[Brady]

But no, I. I would have kicked you out of.

[John Holmberg]

My favorite part of the golf day with Dale was his ass crack was sweating so hard and he bent down to put a ball.

[Brady]

Why are you looking at that?

[John Holmberg]

Dude, you can't help it. It's everywhere. Also. It's everywhere. It's unavoidable. It's a panoramic. And so you bent down. I'm like, jesus Christ, that ass crack looks like a Rorschach test. And he goes, what the hell's a Rorschach test? I'm like, take your pants off and tell me what you see. It was the best setup I've ever had. You still don't know what a Rorschach is?

[Brady]

I have no clue.

[John Holmberg]

Pink blocks. Those psychiatrists will show you a thing. Tell me what you see. Oh, my God.

[Brady]

Have you. How long have you been on the planet psychiatrist, John? I'm a normal human.

[John Holmberg]

You have to go. You've seen movies.

[Brady]

He's steady.

[John Holmberg]

They hold. You're a normal. They hold up the blots of ink on a thing and they show it to you. You're like, what do you see?

[Brady]

That's a roar block.

[John Holmberg]

Rorschach.

[Brady]

That's so stupid.

[John Holmberg]

It is stupid. Yeah. That you can't say it. It's even more stupid. Okay, so. Yeah, but your ass was making like a thing. It looked like you could see a butterfly.

[Brady]

You worked hard out there, Johnny.

[John Holmberg]

You worked hard getting out of a sand trip. That's.

[Dale Hellestri]

Didn't miss a fairway that's right.

[Brady]

Hey.

[John Holmberg]

The worst part about it was I drove them right. Missed a few.

[Brady]

The worst part of it was the fact that our host, Jeff, was unbelievable. Great, great host goes, oh, well, the other. The other 18.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Now here, I need to get on both of you guys, because Jeff hosted the golf. He invited us.

[Brady]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

He got it for free.

[Brady]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. And so I'm sitting there waiting. Dale goes, I'm going to go grab a hot dog. And he leaves. And, like, I'll wait here. Evidently, Brady and Jeff were already inside the restaurant. You see them, you plop down.

[Brady]

I said, text John. Tell him I'm in.

[John Holmberg]

Didn't bother me. I don't care about that part. So I'm like. And so I get a text from Brady eventually that says, come in the restaurant. I'm like, oh, they're gonna be eating for a while. I thought we were ready to go. It was five minutes before we're supposed to tee off. So I go in. I see everybody there. Jeff just made him. Great guy. Hey, thanks, Jeff. Great day. Thanks for having us out. Brady's got chicken wings, tostadas, a couple taquitos. Dale's got a hot dog, fries, a couple drinks for him. Everybody's good. And the bill comes, and I watch nobody move but Jeff. And he reaches and gives the girl the card. And I turn to Brady. I'm like, you're letting him pay? And he goes, he got it bartered like you sons of didn't pay for his lunch. Doesn't matter. You don't offer. You just do it.

[Dale Hellestri]

But, yeah, no. He's like, no, I want to get it.

[Brady]

And he goes, let me get this.

[John Holmberg]

And the answer is no, and it isn't, let me get this. It's like, I'm getting this.

[Brady]

Okay, let's go back to the rah rah. Dude paid.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Brady]

When you go, oh, nobody got anything.

[John Holmberg]

For free so quick.

[Brady]

I didn't even know you were paid.

[John Holmberg]

I paid to be there.

[Brady]

What?

[John Holmberg]

I pay a membership to be there.

[Brady]

I'm your guest, John.

[John Holmberg]

That's right, I'm your guest. And I shouldn't have had to lift a finger that night and pay for a thing. You got a ticket out of me. You got a trip into a beautiful restaurant.

[Brady]

No, the best part is the parking.

[John Holmberg]

Well, the parking was pretty solid, too. Yeah, that was pretty nice. Yeah, it gave him free parking. That's right. Underneath.

[Brady]

And I bought.

[John Holmberg]

And it was a struggle, but I watched this guy give us free golf at a beautiful Place and he had to buy his own lunch.

[Brady]

Yeah, well, because he. He likes us.

[John Holmberg]

John, you never put your wallet away from that situation. To the host.

[Brady]

Who bought the first round of drinks.

[John Holmberg]

On the course first? Jeff did. I'm talking about it right now. There was a round of drinks on the table, too. He bought drinks.

[Brady]

I didn't have drink.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you had of coke. Yeah, that was your choice. You could have ordered something else. You weren't paying for anything and you never. It's like when the host says, hey, I got the round of golf. And then you say, I want to pick this up. There's no.

[Brady]

He wouldn't let Brady.

[John Holmberg]

Brady. Oh, was there a wrestling match? Cuz somehow or another, he got his card out. So he wouldn't let Brady, but you guys let him.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That's just horrible. What a couple of freeloading pieces of garbage.

[Dale Hellestri]

I've been in his sh.

[Brady]

Was in his.

[Dale Hellestri]

No, no, no, I got this.

[John Holmberg]

Somebody pays for the round of golf. Golf. They don't pay for another thing all day.

[Dale Hellestri]

I've had it happen before.

[John Holmberg]

Then you screwed up.

[Brady]

Have you ever paid for a round of golf for three other people and you.

[John Holmberg]

Good lord, no, I don't. If it's not free, I'm not going. That's ridiculous. The rules. Yeah, it's not. Whoever. Whoever, by the way, I pay. I'm a huge payer. Whoever. Whoever books it first round. Whoever books it and gets it free. Yeah, they're not paying for anything all day. You get me tickets to a ball game. You're not paying for a thing all day. You can sit and say, I don't want you to pay. Doesn't matter. You're not paying another thing all day again.

[Brady]

I. I think the fact that Brady had his wallet out.

[John Holmberg]

What about you?

[Brady]

I didn't care.

[John Holmberg]

All right, fair enough. At least somebody's got the guts to say so instead of this terrible. Oh, he wouldn't let me. What is it?

[Brady]

Your.

[John Holmberg]

Is your wardrobe.

[Brady]

Brady.

[John Holmberg]

Brady wanted to pay for it and he wouldn't let him. So Brady let that guy pay. Why didn't you stop him from paying? He can stop you. He's so powerful.

[Dale Hellestri]

There's times, you know, when a guy's adamant that he wants to know.

[John Holmberg]

That's just. That's garbage.

[Brady]

I don't know. I paid for three. Three rounds at the Rah Rah room, and every time you said, you play so quick. I can't.

[John Holmberg]

I was being nice to you.

[Brady]

I was very.

[John Holmberg]

Look, Dale, I was very impressed.

[Brady]

Do that so quick.

[John Holmberg]

I was very impressed.

[Dale Hellestri]

That's a good impression.

[John Holmberg]

It was. I was very impressed at the protocol that you actually understood this guy.

[Dale Hellestri]

Guys.

[Brady]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Is kicking ass tonight. It's. The least I can do is get him food and a drink.

[Brady]

Yeah, but if I. Again, if I didn't pay and you act. You kept looking the other way while the bill was right.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I didn't know you'd done it. I'm like, you are pretty quick with that bill. Thank you, Dale. That's very nice. A lot of people wait for me to pay for the night I'm hosting.

[Brady]

Yeah. And that's ridiculous.

[John Holmberg]

I agree.

[Brady]

But now.

[John Holmberg]

But you guys had no problem with that.

[Brady]

But if the bill was there and I threw my credit card down and you go, no, no, no. Tonight's on me. Here, take the car. I'm not going to fight you on it.

[John Holmberg]

You should. He absolutely should. A decent person would. A decent person says no.

[Dale Hellestri]

Here's the other thing. You know, that's not like the last time I'm going to golf with him again.

[John Holmberg]

No, actually, I golfed with him after you guys left. He goes, that is the last time I'm asking for that cheap son of a. That's exactly what he said. And then he said, you can come with me anytime, John. And I gave him another hundred. And I'm like, I'm sorry for my friends. I'm so sorry for my friends. Is what I said terrible?

[Brady]

Oh, my goodness.

[John Holmberg]

And then the other thing, the car tart girl comes by and you announce loudly, whatever 20% is added in. I'm like, what year are you from? This girl is driving around 130 degrees.

[Brady]

She had to put up with you, John. You were hitting on a 20.

[John Holmberg]

No, you. I was hitting on you. I can't help that. She laughs at what I say. I was doing it to make you uncomfortable, and it was working.

[Brady]

You and car girls, you think every car girl loves you. I.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, you do. They're worse than anyone.

[Dale Hellestri]

And then when you dropped your picture pants.

[John Holmberg]

That was a course I dropped my pants. I had a driver. I had to swing the driver that.

[Brady]

Didn'T utter miniature no.

[John Holmberg]

And it gets the job done. Short, long putts. It's good for all.

[Brady]

I mean, this girl gave you so many courtesy laughs.

[John Holmberg]

You were so upset by it. And all I was talking about was how many balls I had. And you were so uncomfortable that I pushed it. And she kept laughing. I wasn't coming on her 20 years.

[Brady]

Yes, you were, for Christ's sake.

[John Holmberg]

What did I say at that moment, I looked at. I looked at you, and I said, I'm not doing this because she's laughing. I'm doing it because I'm making you uncomfortable. I made it a point to tell her, don't worry about it, sister. You're not that great looking to begin with.

[Brady]

Yes. You did not say that.

[John Holmberg]

Just like you are. If you would have said Kieran was different. That girl looked up and started to say, just got new boobs put in. What are you thinking? I'm like, we're in trouble, boys.

[Brady]

And your next drive, where did it go?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, into the. I don't even. It's still flying left. I have no idea where that thing went. That was unsure.

[Dale Hellestri]

Comfortable on what?

[John Holmberg]

Brendan Donnelly telling the car girl. She pulls up to us. He used to play for the Angels and the Pirates. He was a baseball pitcher, evidently. We hook up for golf. I played Little League baseball with him in New Mexico, and we found that out there. I'm like, holy cow, we're on the same team. He spent the night at my house. We were friends in fourth grade. We didn't even know it. And we're golfing 35 years later. So we're golfing. The car girl comes up, and he's new in town. Brandon goes, I just moved here, and we're standing next to the car girl, and I've got the card out. And he goes, hey, do you have a good dentist or anything? I just got. Do you have a dentist?

[Brady]

To the car cruiser?

[John Holmberg]

No, to me. And I said, yeah, I got a great dentist. I'll give you the number in a second. Hang on. He goes, no, don't give it to me. Give it to her. She needs it more than me. Her teeth were a mess. And then he walks away. And I'm standing there looking at her and this picket fence of teeth. Her teeth were at war. And I'm like, I am so sorry.

[Dale Hellestri]

I'm pretty sure she heard it.

[Brady]

Do you know.

[John Holmberg]

Oh. Do you know how hard it is to make me uncomfortable? Yes. And it dropped me, like. And I walked back to the cart. I'm like, you bastard. And he is dying. Well, somebody's got a teller. And we drove away. I'm like, brendan Donnelly is my favorite.

[Brady]

Did you click 20 or did you. Did you double that?

[John Holmberg]

I gave her a hundred dollars and the number. The tip is a hundred dollars. And I did give her the dentist number. I'm like, he's right. You're a mess. Like, you look like you're. Hey, Jaws, you're gonna Need.

[Brady]

Oh, my God. No, but, but, but this car girl was. It was sweet and fun and she.

[John Holmberg]

I didn't look at her once. I was watching you get uncomfortable. I was digging in, homework.

[Dale Hellestri]

She had to get home.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that other girl, she was fun. We liked her. I wasn't flirting with the. The first one for sure. The second one I was just making fun of.

[Brady]

No, you weren't making fun of.

[John Holmberg]

Absolutely. You can't tell the difference.

[Brady]

You got a couple laughs and you. And you barreled in.

[John Holmberg]

Dale, my life is. I got a couple laughs. You just think I'm barreling in. That's just how I live. I can't help it. I walk in, people start laughing. I haven't figured it out. I know. I'm setting you up now. Come on. I'm good at setups too. See? I'm good at it all day.

[Brady]

Did you have fun golfing with me?

[John Holmberg]

Actually had a really good time. It was fun. Second 18 was better when. When you weren't there. I really had fun, but it was fun. Yeah, you're fun. You're fun. Dale is fun to hang out with.

[Brady]

Okay?

[John Holmberg]

It's non stop fun to watch you try to walk and dig out of sand traps and swing a club.

[Dale Hellestri]

The best ham and eggers in Arizona.

[John Holmberg]

Hysterical.

[Brady]

If I ever hitting that goal in that sand trap again, I'm just leaving the ball.

[John Holmberg]

You should have.

[Brady]

I'm just.

[John Holmberg]

First time. I loved it. You look like one of the Thriller zombies trying to climb out. All right, you're here for sports. We're going to take a break. We're going to come back and talk. Well, Dale, it's what success sounds.

[Dale Hellestri]

You want Toledo coming in here?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You want him? Give us the time. I'm in control around this place. We're going to take a break, Dale. Hell, we'll talk about the Sun's draft next.

[Brady]

Yes, sir.

[John Holmberg]

Get something, something. Check out morning sickness podcast at 98kupd.comberg's Morning Sickness. Gotta say thanks to our friend Anthony Pagliso, who came by and dropped off some water. But Gleason, one of Brett's peeps, Popeyes, he's a good dude.

[Dale Hellestri]

And Adam Cox from Sanderson.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. Sanderson. Lincoln. Adam dropped off. Okay. Tons of it. Non stop. What a day for Operation Hydra. Dale, did you drop off or did you just expect the host to do it?

[Brady]

I ain't going to the west side.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you can do it here.

[Brady]

You can do it.

[John Holmberg]

Come drop off in the building.

[Brady]

No, that's a lot Long way to carry. Get your own water.

[John Holmberg]

And he calls you the Jew. Oh, exactly. Try to figure this guy out. Didn't even reach for his. Let's get right to it. Dale.

[Brady]

You are unbelievable.

[John Holmberg]

Alligator arms. And great job this morning, sacrificing your time for not making the host pay for everything. Let me take you guys out to dinner. You're paying?

[Brady]

You're what?

[John Holmberg]

Welcome. Son of a. Let's talk songs.

[Brady]

I'm gonna pull out my rah rah receipts.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, no, so will I.

[Brady]

So will I.

[John Holmberg]

So will I. Oh, you got receipt tickets. Quiet down. Parking. You got a great treat that night.

[Brady]

A $22 strip scampi each.

[John Holmberg]

You were. You were exceptionally good at paying until you left. And then we took care of the.

[Brady]

Big bill because I had nothing.

[John Holmberg]

He didn't pay for that scampi. Anyway. Let's talk, son, since you're in the Raw Run room. Yes. Draft yesterday.

[Brady]

Oh, again. I hope they double the price of your season tickets.

[John Holmberg]

It's already too late. We already got next year's tickets and I swear to you right now, this is it. This is it.

[Brady]

Really? So. So. What do you mean, so this is it? Does that mean like 40 wins and you'll be back?

[John Holmberg]

If this is a surprisingly good team.

[Dale Hellestri]

That'S a good way to.

[John Holmberg]

To put it.

[Dale Hellestri]

Put a number.

[John Holmberg]

I should put an over under.

[Dale Hellestri]

You know what if I'm not hitting.

[John Holmberg]

This level eight seat or better. No playing. Make the playoffs. Eight or better. I don't know what the win for. It's probably about four.

[Brady]

Remember, the A seed is a play in.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's what I mean though. You know, you're in the playoffs no matter what. At 8, you're controlling your playoffs. 10, 9 and 10 are the ones that are kind of 7 and 8.

[Brady]

Are in it too.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, that's what I'm saying. Seven and eight do that. But they're. They're going to be in the playoffs no matter what if they cut off the. The additional 9 and 10.

[Dale Hellestri]

So if they make the playoffs, you'll.

[John Holmberg]

Still continue top eight. No, no, no. Top eight playoffs is. Is. I'm not doing nine and ten. Those were additions a few years ago as gifts to not make teams Tank. They're not good teams.

[Brady]

It's like the NCAA. Do you see where they go to 76 teams in the tournament?

[John Holmberg]

It's a money run. Ridiculous. Stupid money grab.

[Brady]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

So if they do that, that's fine.

[Brady]

Now are you back with Aurora room?

[John Holmberg]

We'll talk about that later. Because the guy I just mentioned Anthony Buglieso and I, we're running a little system here. We're not going to go full pull on this deal. We're going to. We're going to be a gay married couple going in on this house.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It's just ridiculous.

[Brady]

You said it was what. How much was it?

[John Holmberg]

It's 15,000 to get in.

[Brady]

Is it every year or is that one time every year?

[John Holmberg]

I know. And it might go up and if they raise that price, it's like. No, it's not that.

[Brady]

For what? I mean, your girl's up in Indiana. She ain't gonna be back.

[John Holmberg]

What you're talking who's in Indiana? Oh, oh, yeah. I was like, what are we talking about? Oh, yeah, yeah. And she's got 600,000 new followers. Sophie Cunningham's exploded. It was a matter of time.

[Brady]

All you gotta do is headlock a girl and look what happens.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You fight a girl on TV and people want to watch more of that. Anyway, the Suns get Common Maluak.

[Brady]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Which sounds like a thing from Indiana Jones Maluak center seven to Duke, beneficiary of having the two best players in the league on his team. So I think a lot of his stats are. Yeah. Canipple, which I love. Knipple and flag. And that means that his baskets came easier. So shooting percentage to me is a bit padded. And his ability to play the game was a little bit easier because defenses weren't focused on him and he was on a really good team.

[Brady]

Here's what scares me the most about is the fact he's 18 years old. Yep. Okay. So they are looking at him as boy, how good can he be in two to three years weight rooms and.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

And training table juice and all that stuff. That and you know what potential does potentially gets people fired.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's true.

[Brady]

Because we're looking for this. Well, does he become that or does he not become that? The history shows big men who are not equipped never become what you hope.

[John Holmberg]

You're talking about deandre Ayton.

[Brady]

Right. We're talking about a lot of big over the years. If they don't have like, if you don't look at them like Akeem Olajuwon.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Or people like Patrick Ewing or don't. Whatever Patrick Ewing, you saw him, you knew he's gonna be successful. These other guys that you see, whether it's a DeAndre Eaton or hey, in two or three years this guy's gonna be the dominant.

[John Holmberg]

The argument to that is always Giannis. It's Just compo. Who was a skinny string bean coming out, but was. He didn't go in the weight room and get big. The kid just got bigger.

[Brady]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

So the hope is, and you're right, the potential is, wow, if he's. He's not done growing yet.

[Brady]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

So if this kid gets thicker, fills out. Right. If, if, if. I've seen su adults, people from South Sudan never show up thick. It's just not a thing. They're just long, tall people.

[Brady]

So, John, I guess my, my question to you is, as an Arden Sons fan is you now have five shooting guards, you have four centers.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It's terrible.

[Brady]

Yeah. How's that going to work out for you?

[John Holmberg]

I don't think it is. And there's the weirder part. You draft a guy in the lottery and you say, here's our future at center. And then you make a trade like five minutes later for another center who's 23.

[Brady]

And you supposedly have two centers on your team already.

[John Holmberg]

And you've already got a guy you traded last year. You traded people to get them. And the guy you turned, traded with him. You traded away back to the team. It's a mess.

[Brady]

Yes.

[Dale Hellestri]

I think you're just going to play.

[John Holmberg]

Seven minutes last year for the Suns is now back in Charlotte.

[Brady]

Well, you look at it and you go, what. What's the plan here?

[John Holmberg]

Isn't one. That's my, that's. That's what I was arguing with Kevin Ray last night. He's like, no, athlete, super athlete. You know, he's going to come off the bench. You got to hope to develop in him. Everything else. I'm like, why did you draft a center and then trade for another one?

[Brady]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

Because you knew that trade was coming. You didn't expect this guy to fight. It just seems rudder.

[Brady]

Well, obviously Kevin Ray is not gonna say anything that you would go on air with.

[John Holmberg]

Negative. Kevin and I talk freely. You should hear what he calls.

[Brady]

No, he calls.

[John Holmberg]

He.

[Brady]

He calls. He said, yeah, Johnny's trying to get some stuff out of me. I know it's gonna go on the air. Oh, it's not just like the golf stuff. Yes. All that should just.

[John Holmberg]

But it's all true.

[Brady]

A friendly out with us then, not the hundred listeners you got.

[John Holmberg]

If you, if you fall in a sand trap and roll around for half an hour, I'm going to talk about it.

[Brady]

I never fell. I crawled.

[John Holmberg]

So are you happy with the pick? As a Sun's fan, what do you tell Suns fans?

[Brady]

I just that it's going to be.

[John Holmberg]

A long, a long talk. And again, are we back to John's plan? Let's trade Devin Booker if we're going to rebuild and be smart about it.

[Brady]

I, you and I, that's one thing we did agree on. I said trade direct, Durant trade Booker. Do whatever you can with half heartedly rebuild. No.

[John Holmberg]

You either do it or you don't or you remain where you are. And I feel like this is where they're always going to.

[Dale Hellestri]

So Dale, did you talk to Tom Chambers about this?

[John Holmberg]

And it was his birthday this weekend. Happy birthday to tc Hell of a guy.

[Brady]

Yeah. My buddy.

[John Holmberg]

Your boy Tom.

[Brady]

Yeah, my boy Tom.

[John Holmberg]

But yeah, I mean as you tell there, it's going to take forever. They're not serious about rebuilding.

[Brady]

Here's the thing. Okay. Let's take Devin Book Booker for instance. If he wants to stay here. Why is that?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know.

[Brady]

He doesn't want to win.

[John Holmberg]

Does he not have the drive to be a champion?

[Brady]

Does he not want to win? That's what I'm looking at. If I'm Devin Booker and I'm looking at this scenario.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

I'm going, we're three, four years away. If we get lucky.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

From being competitive. And that's if we get lucky. I want to go somewhere where I can win.

[Dale Hellestri]

When you brawny up and say I don't like put my championship team as.

[John Holmberg]

It stands right now, do you chase the title or you just stay here and hope that your Larry Fitzgerald and the team stumbles into something and maybe get a chance? Because that's where, that's what he's got to hope. That's what he has to hope for. Because right now they're not on any track to be better than Oklahoma, to be better than all the top teams. They made the Houston Rockets better.

[Brady]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

So I mean, and here's the thing.

[Brady]

If, if, if you look at Devin Booker, he's a big thing in Phoenix.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

If he goes to 15 other cities, he's. He's a good basketball player. Is that he's not great.

[John Holmberg]

He's not face the franchise. Exactly.

[Brady]

You know, and I think that's what's scary when I hear all these fans go, oh, they trade Devon Booker. I'm not, I'm not buying tickets.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Don't.

[Brady]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

Because nobody's going to want him when he's there.

[Dale Hellestri]

You are anyway.

[John Holmberg]

They're still going to lose season tickets with a 38 win season again. And Devin Booker.

[Brady]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

So you get. They're not serious about. I take a 25 win season and, like, let's start over. Let's get this right.

[Brady]

Well, what I. What I would love to see is I'd love to see them play hard for 82 games.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's been years.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That's been since Chris Paul left.

[Brady]

Yeah. Yeah. But I'd like to see that again and again. I can get behind a team who's. Who's kind of rebuilding, but, man, they're getting the right guys in here a little bit. Like the Cardinals. The Cardinals, whether they won a whole lot of games or not, they were never blown out. They played hard, they fought hard. They just weren't talented.

[John Holmberg]

They just weren't good enough to beat you. And when it all came at the cream Rising made it so, like, we're not as good as you, but, man, we gave you a fight.

[Brady]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't mind that at all. That Cardinals team was entertaining last year.

[Brady]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

They were fun to watch because you knew if this team's resting on them, Cardinals will beat them.

[Brady]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

They'll take you. And that's the coaching and everything.

[Brady]

God forbid. We're in Arizona and the summer now. We got the Diamondbacks and what's going on.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, let's talk about that. You're a guy who has been heckled, I'm sure, by most of the. What they call them, villagers, when Dale walks through with their pitchforks and their fire, heckling and crying. That's new.

[Brady]

Now, here's the thing. I've always felt this way. Boo me.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Make fun of me.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady]

Say whatever you want to say about me.

[John Holmberg]

You got it?

[Brady]

Stay away from family.

[John Holmberg]

Don't. Yeah. Don't attack. But if they do, aren't you dismissed enough to not let that bother you? Something's going on with Cattel Marte that I'd be worried about more than I am this heckler. If I'm the Diamondbacks, I'm like, there's a lot going on. They may know he's got something personal.

[Brady]

Because my dad passed away during training camp in 98. I played three more years after that, and I'm trying to think how I would have acted again. Even a dad and a mom are different, right?

[John Holmberg]

To me, sure.

[Brady]

You know, different feelings for my mom than. Right than my dad. But if. If they. If they started talking about my dad.

[Dale Hellestri]

It'd piss you off.

[Brady]

It would piss me off. I. I don't think I would cry.

[John Holmberg]

So you don't react?

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Well, I mean, you might fight him or yell at him. Yes. But the crying thing Tells me he's got, he's emotionally fragile right now because of other things. Again, it sounds cold.

[Dale Hellestri]

That's a fan. What if a plan player would start doing. I mean, you're pissed off, but you.

[John Holmberg]

Got a chance to hit that.

[Dale Hellestri]

Yeah, exactly.

[John Holmberg]

So if he wants to mouth off, he's got to back it up. There's, there's an actual competition there. Some dude protected by a wall can shout all he wants. You like, this guy's an all right, and you can ask to have him removed and whatever, but the fact that he emotionally broke down on the field tells me there's something bad going on.

[Brady]

And again, I, I know some people say, oh, get over it. It's spend a few years and, and all that. I, I, no, nobody knows how every, how a person is going to react and what that relationship was like, but fans are idiots.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

I think you got to take that with a grain of salt.

[John Holmberg]

But I don't think it's. Get over it. I think is. Have you not coped with this enough that some stranger can still bring this back? Music Coming up, entertainment.

[Brady]

Hold on, we're not going.

[John Holmberg]

We're closing up. This is.

[Brady]

Hold on, we're not going. Another break.

[John Holmberg]

No, we're done. We're, we're, we're playing you off. Thanks for coming for your award full time.

[Brady]

You get that other.

[John Holmberg]

Totally got you. Trust me.

[Brady]

Good.

[John Holmberg]

You got most. No, comedians are good. You're the only good thing that's ever happened to radio. Yes, please. No, it's. I. Yeah. Because I've never. You've never heard of a guy who's getting heckled by. I'm sure when you guys went to New York to play the Giants or Philadelphia, you're hearing some stuff and all your players are like, oh, my God.

[Brady]

I'm going to tell you. So I played one year through Raiders.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

And we were in New York playing the jets and an entire section, John. An entire section.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Started chanting, howie Long played on the team. How he takes it up the Duda. It's like this whole section and you, you can't do anything about.

[John Holmberg]

But he didn't start crying. But it's like, that's hilarious because you guys had to start laughing.

[Brady]

It's like, oh, my gosh, that's pretty good.

[Dale Hellestri]

He had 18 sacks.

[John Holmberg]

And the worst part about it was how he does take it up to do.

[Brady]

And the other thing is, I learned that when I was in Buffalo, guy named Mark Tranowitz was another rookie with me.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

And in New York, they Start just making fun of your name. Yeah, you got the last name. And somebody started heckling him and he turned around. Not good. When you turn around.

[John Holmberg]

No, not good. Turn around.

[Brady]

Because now more and more people.

[John Holmberg]

And that's the thing I'm worried about with Cattel is that there are like, if games start becoming meaningful, this will be thrown back at him. Crying, crying Marte things. This is something's weird.

[Brady]

Something to keep run. Still streaming Holmberg's morning sickness [e-mail] hey, could you play that video one more time? Because I want Brett to see a see beautiful golf swing if he can count how many.

[John Holmberg]

In the meantime, while Dale's meaningless video plays for nobody but himself, Brett can watch. And Brett's gonna go, wow, John. Looks like really good on a golf course.

[Brady]

Brad, I want you to be honest here.

[John Holmberg]

Look at him now. I have a bit of a hit.

[Brady]

Waggles the clock.

[John Holmberg]

Is there a video? Is there sound on this? You screaming, oh, he's a can't cuz you're cussing. Well, there's a few waggles. I'm lining the ball up and getting myself straight, getting focused. I'm getting high on it. Feeling good. And I'm officially there. Here we go. And there's the swing. Look, it's gorgeous.

[Brady]

And I had to watch that for 18 holes.

[John Holmberg]

At least three times a hole.

[Brady]

Did you count how many there were?

[John Holmberg]

There's over 10. It's like 13 or 14. Yeah, there's over 10. I started losing count. I would. I would show you the video. Dale crawling out of the earth to try to get out of that Sandstrong. I ran out of film. It took too long. You can't count Battery one out. Well, how many. How many waggles are you supposed to have?

[Brady]

You're supposed to have. No, Brady has no waggles. Brady puts them all. The ground, steps behind it, mats it down the fairway.

[John Holmberg]

It's not true. And he wiggles a little. It's not like I admit it. Yeah, you. You take 15 minutes to get the club from the cart to the thing. You complain, exaggerate to make you complain the whole time.

[Brady]

You're a heckler.

[John Holmberg]

Why do they make the cart so far away from the tee box? How often I had to hear that?

[Brady]

Did you agree with me?

[John Holmberg]

No. Just because I wanted you to shut up.

[Brady]

Did you agree with me?

[John Holmberg]

I'm like, I wish I Dale. I also wish these cart pass were closer to the tee box so you'd be quiet.

[Brady]

Like, why the hell is there 100 yards from the cart bat to the.

[John Holmberg]

Team every single time.

[Brady]

And you said, yeah, look, they could have put it right over there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And I said, you should go over there. I'll meet you there. And it sped away. Anyway, it's time now for the entertainment drill. Dale has done enough damage to himself and everyone else around him. And Howie does take it up the butt. Did you talk to Howie about that? Was he hurt?

[Brady]

No, he was pissed.

[John Holmberg]

Was he? It pissed him off.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

No, King, that would make you mad. I'd giggle. I'd spread my cheeks. You gotta. You gotta defuse that.

[Brady]

Do you think spread your cheeks would.

[John Holmberg]

Diffuse, Aiming it at him and waving it? They'd be like, yeah. How? He's in on it. It doesn't bother him. We gotta stop. Can't let strangers bug you with.

[Brady]

Did I ever tell you that, like, later on in my career, 3039. 40. That you took it up? I always had to pee in the second half of a game. Oh. If the temperature got below 50, 50, I had a pee. Okay. So what would happen was it'd be a nice weekend. So they wouldn't pack the winter gear.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

But they'd always bring two jackets.

[John Holmberg]

Sure.

[Brady]

They're the equipment guys. And then we just make eye contact somewhere. End of the third quarter, I go sit on the bench. They pull the things out, they cover.

[John Holmberg]

You up, and you pee in a.

[Brady]

Cup right onto the ground.

[John Holmberg]

Disgusting animal.

[Brady]

You're an animal in front of 70,000 people. I didn't have stage fright.

[John Holmberg]

You know what's great about that? Dale played, what, 16 years in the NFL? You peed probably 12 times a year right there on the field.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

No one ever saw it.

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

That says something.

[Brady]

I mean, they.

[John Holmberg]

Not one sighting.

[Brady]

They thought it was a creature.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. There's no curiosity at all. No photos, no nothing.

[Dale Hellestri]

There's just a Gatorade had a tint to it.

[John Holmberg]

Dale spilling what looks like a water out of the front of his stomach. It's time for the entertainment drill. It's brought to you by our [e-mail] the. Huh. Tactical Black Self defense training. They've got it all figured out for you to become. We saw that tape at the dog park today. Stick defense. That lady did nothing right in that. And she had. She had any stick defense, she wouldn't have gotten clunked in the top of that.

[Dale Hellestri]

She had five seconds to move out of the way.

[John Holmberg]

Well, first off, yeah, there was super fast. She did a lot wrong. Yeah. The dude had to go get the weapon. They. We do stick defense all the time and there's like a really weird thing to not getting clunked in the. In the melon with it. And it's fun to do stick defense. Guns, knives, any sort of weapon you can think of anything that's actually been in the news. They have tested and tried systems and it works out great. So you can check it all out. Be good at defending yourself and the people around you and get in great shape doing it. Reactdefense.com that's the place you go. It's the home of tactical black Brady and Dale Entertainment.

[Dale Hellestri]

Here's a list of celebrities that have famous parents.

[John Holmberg]

You might have Dakota Johnson right off the bat.

[Dale Hellestri]

Right. Martha Plimpton.

[John Holmberg]

George Plimpton. And Keith Carradine. Oh, it's Keith. Oh wow.

[Brady]

There is a George Plimpton.

[John Holmberg]

I know. Hey, there's a paper lion.

[Dale Hellestri]

Lily Collins.

[John Holmberg]

I have no idea. That one. She's a singer. I didn't know that was Phil Collins kid. Really?

[Dale Hellestri]

Red Fu.

[John Holmberg]

Brett. Marvin Gaye. Something with some. With something with Motown.

[Dale Hellestri]

He is the son of Motown founder Barry Gordon.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Yeah, yeah. I knew it was something. Never heard of that guy at all.

[Dale Hellestri]

Mason Gooding.

[John Holmberg]

Cuba Gooding?

[Dale Hellestri]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Red Foods. Lmafo. Oh, that guy. I knew that.

[Dale Hellestri]

Coco Jones.

[John Holmberg]

Coco Jones singer. Is that Rashida Jones's sister? That would be Quincy Jones's daughter.

[Dale Hellestri]

Father's ex NFL player Mike Jones.

[John Holmberg]

Jones, the linebacker for the Rams and Steelers for a year. Throw that in there. Mike Jones is the one. Everybody says he made the stop in the Super Bowl. Tennessee. Mike Jones. It was a lot further than a yard. The Titans are a little too excited about that play. And plus it only would have tied the game.

[Brady]

It was a yard and a half.

[John Holmberg]

He's still and they're reaching. He didn't even make it to the goal line. It was a good tackle but it.

[Brady]

Wasn'T like it was a game saving season saving tack.

[John Holmberg]

It was his job. Job. Stand in the middle of the field with a wide receiver. Get your. He never had a chance to get that last.

[Dale Hellestri]

Dale's got a great story.

[John Holmberg]

All right, go ahead. Hurry up, Dale. Waggle waggle.

[Brady]

Sabrina Carpenter. You know Sabrina? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Show a picture. Go ahead.

[Brady]

I. I've never seen her. Caused a lot of chaos when she released the COVID art of her upcoming album Man's best friend.

[John Holmberg]

She's crawling around in a black dress, guys pulling her hair. Hair. And she's got her face in this crotch. It's pretty great. He'll show you.

[Brady]

Seriously, you know more about stuff that doesn't matter than any person I know.

[John Holmberg]

It's brain power. I got brain. I pay attention.

[Dale Hellestri]

And a few million others.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I absorb. Yeah, exactly. Sabrina Carpenter's kind of known. All right, here's the. There's the picture. That's her album cover right there. Or she's. She's good looking, too. She's a keeper.

[Brady]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Better than that Taylor Swift, that.

[Brady]

It said it showed her on her knees in front of a man who's got a handful of her hair care. It's not clear she listened to the critics who found it sexist or if she's being sarcastic.

[Dale Hellestri]

It's almost like Spinal Tap.

[Brady]

But.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah, that's right.

[Brady]

But yesterday she released an alternate cover where she's standing and holding on to a man.

[John Holmberg]

Yes.

[Brady]

Suit.

[John Holmberg]

He's holding her against his chest.

[Dale Hellestri]

Said, God approves.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, right.

[Brady]

Oh, oh. Said an Instagram post. She says that this cover is, quote, approved by God.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, exactly. Because she got hit with a bunch of pious.

[Brady]

Really?

[John Holmberg]

That's. Look at her. Although it's all over her Facebook, so don't. Don't pull the card. She knows she's not doing that. She's making fun of them. Yeah, yeah. She's making fun of the people that. Yeah, yeah. But she's not being as whorish. She's special. Now, that cart girl, I'd flirt with.

[Brady]

Oh, how about the girl and car.

[John Holmberg]

Girl and that one, too, because she wanted to show everybody your cans. I thought I was helping you. She was this close to showing everybody's pants.

[Brady]

I. I need help. Like, I need.

[John Holmberg]

She actually. Brady. She actually. I'd show you my cans if it wasn't for your dad. And I said, that's not my dad. And she goes, that's Frankenstein. I'm like, yeah, he's not my dad. There's Sabrina in underwear and a puppy. I mean, that's about as good as it gets right there. Girl holding a puppy standing there.

[Brady]

I give her more.

[John Holmberg]

20% you'd up to that? Yeah. I'm smart. All right, that's it. We're done. Dale, excellent job. Proud of you.

[Brady]

Thank you.

[John Holmberg]

You're going out tonight? Yeah. Bert's going out to 75th Avenue and Encanto. He's going back to the west side. You treated him. Couldn't get enough today. You know, I was like, all right. You treated himself so well on 35th Avenue. He's going to 75th Avenue. Be at EOS tonight from 5 to 7 with all sorts of stuff to give you tons of it. In fact, Brett will take care of you once again because you guys were so nice to him today. That's it for us. Tomorrow's Friday.

[Brady]

Where are you going, Brady?

[John Holmberg]

Home.

[Dale Hellestri]

Home.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe you two should go golf.

[Brady]

I can't do it.

[John Holmberg]

You got to take a D. I understand. It's a lot of moving around for you. We're done. Larry's. Oh, no. Sean's in. We're Larry. He's not here at all. Sean's board hopping. Oh, is he here? Oh, I didn't know. I can't see him in there. Okay, so Larry is here. Sean's just kind of hanging around with Larry today. I don't know. Something's fishy happened. That doesn't matter.

[Dale Hellestri]

He's not Larry.

[John Holmberg]

He's John Gordon's here. All right, I'll call Sean and bother him. He's evidently going to tolerate Larry all day. That's it. We're done. You guys have a great one. We'll see you tomorrow in the morning sickness. Hello, Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect. 98.