06-26-25 - New Documentary Obsession Is The Mortician On MAX As We Discuss How Easily We Trust People To Do Things We Don't Want To Know About How They're Done Or Dealt With

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona: Episode Summary (06-26-25)

Podcast Information:

• Title: Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona
• Host: John Holmberg
• Guests: Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
• Description: Arizona's #1 Morning Radio Show where John Holmberg entertains, questions, and engages listeners with his team.
• Episode Title: New Documentary Obsession Is The Mortician On MAX
• Release Date: June 26, 2025

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1. Listener Anecdotes and Community Engagement

John Holmberg opens the episode by sharing a humorous yet poignant anecdote from a listener stationed at a forward operating base in Afghanistan. The story revolves around exchanging "your mama" jokes to stay awake during late-night watch shifts, culminating in a sensitive moment when a joke unexpectedly touches on the listener's deceased mother.

"[00:41] John Holmberg: ...my mom passed away in '06 and was cremated. He was horrified. He's like, oh, no, no, no. I didn't mean it like that, man."

This segment underscores the show's blend of humor and real-life experiences, setting the tone for engaging and relatable content.

2. Operation Hydration: Community Support Efforts

Transitioning from personal stories, John delves into Operation Hydration, a community initiative aimed at providing water to those in need. Recalling his experience with the Phoenix Rescue Mission, he emphasizes the direct impact of donations.

"[02:07] John Holmberg: ...this water goes straight from your hands to us, right into the hands of the people who are going to need it. And that is awesome."

Brady Bogen elaborates on the ongoing efforts and upcoming events, encouraging listeners to participate and support the cause.

"[02:09] Brady: ...Brett wants to meet everybody who lives in that area. Digital summer fans, come on out."

The discussion highlights the importance of community involvement and the tangible benefits of collective action.

3. Deep Dive into 'The Mortician' Documentary

The core of the episode centers around John's fascination with the documentary "The Mortician" available on MAX. He and his guests dissect the film's exploration of trust in funeral services and the ethical implications of low-cost cremations.

a. Overview of the Documentary

John provides a synopsis of the documentary, which examines the operations of a mortician handling an overwhelming number of bodies at remarkably low prices.

"[05:01] John Holmberg: ...the mortician on MAX. Have you seen that?"

b. Ethical Concerns of Cheap Cremations

The conversation turns to the troubling practices depicted in the documentary, where bodies are processed en masse with little regard for individual respect or dignity.

"[09:19] Brady: You're stoking the wood."

John reflects on the moral dilemma of seeking affordable services at the expense of humane treatment:

"[11:00] John Holmberg: Do you love your loved one if you seek out the discount crematorium?"

He questions the balance between cost-saving and ethical responsibility, pondering whether trusting strangers with such significant tasks is ever justifiable.

c. Personal Reflections on Trust and Funeral Services

Guests Brady and Nathan share personal experiences related to cremation services, expressing skepticism and highlighting the emotional weight of entrusting loved ones to these services.

"[18:12] Brady: As I recall, most recently, like, Ronnie's aunt in Denver in December. Basically, just for the urn in. The cremation was 22.9022."

John delves deeper into the systemic issues, discussing how profitability can overshadow compassion in the funeral industry.

"[28:12] John Holmberg: There's an answer to all of it. It's the classic thing that no human being has the ability to do anymore, which is to make two things true at once. He's horrible, and everything he was doing was wrong, but his logic behind it makes sense."

The dialogue reveals a shared concern among the hosts and guests about the integrity of funeral services and the potential for exploitation.

4. Broader Implications and Societal Trust

The discussion extends to broader societal issues of trust and accountability in essential services. John draws parallels between cremation services and other industries where trust is implicitly granted, such as recycling and personal caregiving.

"[25:15] Nathan: We're shifting the responsibility you don't want completely."

Brady adds to this by reflecting on how over-reliance on trust without due diligence can lead to ethical compromises.

"[32:03] Brady: Are you going to change on the next one?"

5. Conclusion and Final Thoughts

As the episode wraps up, the hosts reiterate the importance of questioning and understanding the services we rely on, especially those as significant as funeral care. They encourage listeners to stay informed and vigilant about the practices of service providers.

"[43:16] John Holmberg: He's horrible."

The hosts express a commitment to fostering discussions that bridge ethical considerations with practical necessities, aiming to educate and engage their audience on critical societal issues.

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Notable Quotes:

• "Do you love your loved one if you seek out the discount crematorium?" — John Holmberg [11:00]
• "We shift the responsibility you don't want completely." — Nathan [25:19]
• "He's horrible, and everything he was doing was wrong, but his logic behind it makes sense." — John Holmberg [28:12]

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Final Notes: This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness navigates through personal anecdotes, community initiatives, and a critical examination of the funeral industry's ethical landscape. By intertwining humor with serious discourse, the show provides a comprehensive and thought-provoking listening experience for its audience.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[Dick Toledo]

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[John Holmberg]

Still streaming Homburg's morning sickness [e-mail] thank you very much. Miles to nowhere. It is beautiful, beautiful day. Brett's on his way out. We'll tell you that in a second. But I got an email from a guy says, I'm here in forward operating base in Afghanistan. Me and my buddy were pulling watch. Getting pretty late, depending on how you look at it. Order to stay awake and keep an eye, keep us occupied. We started to tell your mama jokes. I did the classic, your mom's so fat, she's still a virgin. Everyone that had sex with her just knocking folds like, oh, that's nice. Good shot, good shot. My buddy Tiny turns and says, oh, yeah, last time I had sex with your mom, it was a puff of dust. And I just stared at him for what felt like about 2 minutes until he realized my mom passed away in 06 and was cremated. He was horrified. He's like, oh, no, no, no. I didn't mean it like that, man. I'm sorry. It was the funniest thing that's ever happened. And I said, don't worry about it. You didn't know, so. Besides, I just got done pegging your mom's urn. All right? That's how dudes act. And if nobody was crying at that. We gotta figure out what happened here. I got a lot of people emailing me saying, marte's at the casino a lot. I don't know if that's true or not. Don't get on me for that.

[Brady]

One guy was saying he threw out a figure.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he threw half a million. So we watched him. He's like, it was at least half a million. I don't know if that's true. People could be making stuff up. But boy, oh, boy. Brett's on his Way out this morning. Oh, he's got to be loving this. 35th Avenue and Bell. He's going to the Safeway. He'll be all right. Word safe is right there in it. 35th Avenue and Bell. Why? Well, of course it's Operation Hydration. It's Thursday and we're going to get that water out there. I told you. Last week I went out on one of the runs with Phoenix rescue mission to drop water off and watch these guys change lives. It's an amazing thing. This water goes straight from your hands to us, right into the hands of the people who are going to need it. And that is awesome. There's no middle. We're actually the middle operation. We're the middlemen, and we're getting it right to the people who can deliver it and make things different. It was a you, baby. It was gold. It was the people that needed it. Their hands were up like we were handing out chunks of gold. Who wants a water hands? And it was crazy. And it was about 108 or 9 when we were outside that day. It was pretty hot. You can help out when you do. You're doing great stuff. Now we're not here next week. We're off for the fourth of July. So this has got to double down. We're going to need your help there. 35th Avenue in Bell, and Brett wants to meet everybody who lives in that area. Digital summer fans, come on out. It's 35th Avenue. It's for you. For the boys used to sing about it. So get on out there, drop off a case of water and help out. Operation Hydration. Brett is waiting on you. He's got Chevelle tickets. That's going to happen at Talking stick Resort Amphitheater, September 21st. A full show from Chevelle. It's been a minute since they've headlined, so you get an hour and a half of Chevelle rather than their. Their festival shows, which we had them last year and they were amazing. For the 45, they were on stage falling in reverse tickets. He's got those as well. That's just three days after Chevelle's at Talking Stick Amphitheater. Falling Universe will be there as well. So hang out with Brett and make sure that gets done proper. I'm getting all your mama jokes and everybody wants to have the contest of, like, see if you can make someone in the morning sickness cry. A, it's no way it would happen. B, it's an FCC nightmare. I think from what you guys would call up with is trying to make us cry. I don't think you have the ability to censor your. And, well, frankly, we just can't afford it. We're just. I'm just not gonna. Look, I'm not gonna fire off any checks for you guys jackassing around. Although. Very funny. You can email me. Try to make us cry through email. But I. I don't think it's possible. I don't think we're all pretty steady and capable. You can take swings at us.

[Brady]

Yeah, it doesn't make you cry. Just like, what a jerk.

[John Holmberg]

Mainly because I just don't know you.

[Brady]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

You know, if my mom calls me out of the blue and starts talking about how much she hates me and wishes I was dead, I'd be surprised. I'm not even sure that would make me cry. Just like, oh, Mom's gone nuts. I think I'd be more worried about why this is happening or just get rid of her. Call up Brett. Go. Hey, we lost my mom. It's time for you to do your work. Speaking of getting rid of things, I love documentaries. I don't watch any TV anymore outside of documentaries. If you don't get me a murder episode or a documentary that's interesting, watch the Ohio State one a couple nights ago. Kevin Ray was watching. He texted me yesterday, and he's like, if you watch that, I'm like, surviving Ohio State. He goes, man, just another reason to hate the Ohio State. And I'm like, it's the reason. All the other stuff was just dumb. Now there's an actual reason to go burn it to the ground. It's a terrible thing. Another one, and I'm only two episodes in. I got one left. The mortician. Have you seen that?

[Brady]

I started it.

[John Holmberg]

We got to be getting close to raping the bodies. So basically. And it's in Pasadena, California. I used to hang out in Pasadena all the time. I love Pasadena. It's one of my favorite places. Colorado Boulevard all the way up, Orange Grove Green. All these streets, they're just awesome. I love Pasadena.

[Brady]

Those jacarandas are popping.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, forget it. That's all over Southern California, but the jacarandas and June, Right. Right about now, probably just tree line streets. Purple flowers falling like you're in a dream, and nothing cool. Pasadena is gorgeous. And I love the city. I've been there for a while, but I love the. The just. I love everything about it. So I used to know that area pretty well, but I didn't ever know this. And there's a place called Lamb. Lamb Funeral Homes. Which is now. Because I looked it up on Google Maps last night. Same building. They just took out the Lamb funeral home sign and put in. It's an electrical machine place now supply. Which is funny because it's the same building. So now that I'm sure everybody's going, that's where the. So basically this dude. And I don't know if you've got anybody in your life that just passed or whatever. Something that resonated with me watching the documentary was one of the guys who worked there said, I didn't realize how many people died every day you work in. And my uncle's parents used to be morticians. And their basement had the thing. Didn't have a crematorium, but they had. They would do embalming and auto or not autopsy, but, you know, dress them ups, you know, they do the.

[Brady]

Get them prepped.

[John Holmberg]

Get them prepped. They prep them up for their box. And I was down there a couple of times, evidently, as a little boy with dead bodies. Now I remember being in their basement, but I don't remember there being dead bodies down there. And there were a couple on the slab, whatever. And I drew on their walls, and they thought it was adorable. So they kept it. I'm like, well, who's gonna mind that? You know? But the one thing the guy in the documentary said, I didn't know how many people died every day. And so he worked there as a dude who shoved the bodies into the crematorium, right? So it was basically his nice little funeral home in Pasadena, Los Robles. And that was the name of that street. Orange grove. Yeah, Orange Grove in Los Robles. And it's a beautiful area. And so people. It was a family operation, everything else. And the first episode when they said that this dude was like, I'll go pick up these bodies. So they get this box truck, and they just go to morgue after morgue and just push them into the box. So, like, stacking human beings like cordwood all the way up into the box truck, get it back to the crematorium, get them in there, shove them in the freezers. And the dude who ran it was the son of the. Well, the grandson of the people who started it and the son of the people who were running it. And he's like, I'll do the cremations. We'll start that whole deal. Because that's bigger now than burials, and we'll get that going. So the mom's like, you go get him. And the dudes, they interviewed this Guy, he's in the documentary. And evidently, in order to expedite time to get these bodies burned, they just stuffed 10, 11, 12 into the thing. And they don't fit. So they're breaking arms, they're cutting stuff off. They had this meat hook that they would jam into, like, armpits to maneuver them to make sure they all fit. Like once they were piled up, like.

[Brady]

You'Re stoking the wood.

[John Holmberg]

Sorta. Yeah, like one of those things. Only the big ones, like when you're moving sides of beef, you see those. And the dude's interview, he's like, well, come on, they're not human anymore. They're not. They're dead. And he goes, and we're getting through the process. One body takes me two and a half hours. Ten of them takes me three. What would you do? Well, wouldn't do that. So he's getting them in there, and they'd cut fingers off and take the rings and all this other stuff.

[Brady]

But you're charging them like it's an individual.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you're telling them you're. Actually, here's the thing where I kind of sided with the mortician. He's like, look, first off, I can burn one body. And he goes, but ask any mortician this question. And this is where. Look, I agree and I disagree. He was right about this. He goes, you never clean up all the ash. He goes, so this whole co mingling thing, if you get ashes and somebody's out there crying, you get ashes back from a crematorium. It's dozens and dozens of people's ashes. Even if you just had one body in there, we can't clean up all of the last. Guys, you ever try to clean your fireplace, there's ashes you're going to catch. You have to just make it spotless. It would take hours. We get one of them, we shop vac it, right? We do one a day max. And even still, it's so hot in there, it's hotter than your fireplace. It's so hot in there that it's cooked down. So even scrubbing it, you're just picking up the ashes. So you lay another body on top of that, you're getting the ashes of multiple people, no matter what. And he goes, so what's the difference? And you're like, well, the difference is you lie to people and tell them that it's only those ashes. And now you're putting in 12, 13 bodies at a time, so you're still a jackass. And he's like, yeah, but you know, what are you going to do? I'm charging these people 55 bucks and.

[Brady]

I'm like, hey, it's an unbelievable rate.

[John Holmberg]

There's the issue. Do you. This was my question and I don't know where I stand on it. Just a question. Do you love your loved one if you seek out the discount crematorium? Also if you're that this is the way I look at things all the time with like we talked about it with the recycling. Everybody wants to leave it in someone else's hands and feel good about themselves. I recycle. Do you? Or do you just put it in a bin and hope that it gets done the right way? Because you're not really recycling. You're just. You have a blue trash can.

[Nathan]

Yeah.

[Brady]

You still haven't recycled.

[John Holmberg]

You haven't done anything. You're just. You're just assuming.

[Brady]

You're a pre. Sort, right?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. You're assuming that other people will do that. If you really cared. None of us have this kind of time. If you really cared about recycling, you do it yourself to make sure it gets done right. I kind of felt the same way about cremation after watching this documentary. If I had you, Brady, and I was the power of attorney and I was making sure that you were taken care of and I'm like, you know what? I want to. And it meant something to me that I. That I didn't just trust this stranger with the corpse of my friend. Which we do think of that like, it's like, okay, he's got it. He'll be fine. I don't know him, but he seems nice. He's gonna burn the body of my friend. And it means the world to me that this gets done right. But I'm not gonna do any hanging around or, you know, making sure or diligence or anything like that. So in a weird way, it's on us to trust strangers with our loved ones corpses. Right. And then we find out they did what it's like, yeah, you're putting the trust in of something wildly important to the stranger. And then the dude interviewed like 55 bucks. They didn't care that much about these people. They were looking for a deal and I was looking to make money and they were looking to save money. So I did my thing and they did theirs. And I'm like, whoa, the dude's cold hearted and awful, but he's not wrong. And it made me really like, consider this whole crazy.

[Brady]

The ones that are charging way more than that, that was what the same thing.

[John Holmberg]

He saw that. Exactly. And then there's other. And he goes, trust me. He goes, you're sitting there and you get the scrub out and you try to get as much as off of that thing as possible. You're losing money with every second. And you're like, all right, you're a businessman and you have to remember the crematorium is a business. 55 bucks and 55 a body. You got to go, volume, man. And he was making 30 and 40 grand a month and nobody was like, hey, how are you doing this? Because there's only 24 hours in a day maximum. You're getting nine, 10 bodies done. At 55 a body, how are you hitting it? So it you start really and. But then the problem became people who questioned him. He killed. He had beaten up or killed something. Something. Check out Homework's Morning Sickness [e-mail] It's.

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[John Holmberg]

It's John Holberg here, and it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of My Home Group and Doug Hopkins.com he knows this market up and down in his message is simple and straightforward. He wants to buy your house for cash, as is. No repairs or upgrades, and a firm final offer with no chance of canceling if he moves it at all, you get $5,000. So while the other guys come and go, Doug Hopkins is here to stay. Sell your home right now and start the entire process [e-mail] or sing Hopkins 1-800-channel now. Holmberg's Morning Sickness. The documentary is unbelievable. Second episode just ended where they accidentally burned the crematorium down. Dudes getting high in there burned it down. So they went out to this place and said that they were burning ceramics and making stuff for space shuttle. People believed them, but they were just 200 bodies at a time. The dude had a backlog.

[Brady]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

And he's just. He's just cooking. So at that point, he's like, I'm so far behind. I'm just giving ashes to people who are due up next. Here you go. He said, what does it matter? The ashes are symbolic. Most time he made a great point again. Most of the time, I did the sprinkling amount at sea, and he goes. And I would pour one dude out and half family wouldn't even be there. They just knew it was happening. We'd send him a tape or whatever, and then I pour another guy right on top of him. What's the difference? And I'm like, man, he's making great points for being a horrible, horrible human being. It would. There's no emotion in it. And I even said that again to the television. I'm like, well, you know, people's emotions are the problem. Like, you're dealing with people's emotions. And he goes, people need to be less emotional. Like, he heard me. And I'm like, the TV's talking back.

[Brady]

So is the guy being interviewed, the former owner?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Is he talking for prison?

[John Holmberg]

Just let him out, okay? They just let him out. So he even said, what did he end up doing? I don't remember the time. I think they're getting more into that. There's a third episode, and I have to think that there's going to be sex with the bodies now because everything keeps taking steps to the next level.

[Brady]

Well, then how do you defend that one?

[John Holmberg]

You don't. There's no defending what he did.

[Brady]

Not really defending, but how in his mind, where he's thinking.

[John Holmberg]

His philosophy is incredibly pragmatic and logical.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Again, human emotion steps in, and you can't do anything he's saying unless you just say there's no emotion involved. If you say there's no emotion involved, we'd all do it. Nobody would care. But the fact that there is, and it means something to people, and it's like. And you're promising them. No, I'm doing it this way. And you're telling them one thing and actually doing another. There's where the issues are. Yeah, but when you think about the 55 bucks, like, if I. If I shop your funeral costs down to, like, lowest bidder, that's equally as morally reprehensible as it is anything else.

[Brady]

As I recall, most recently, like, Ronnie's aunt in Denver in December. Basically, just for the urn in. The cremation was 22.9022.

[John Holmberg]

And that's pretty good.

[Brady]

We checked, and we didn't know where to go necessarily. In Denver.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

We had to take her out of the morgue and.

[John Holmberg]

Right. Move them around.

[Brady]

We called three places, and you went anywhere from.

[John Holmberg]

You also trust those places?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

For no reason at all. There's zero reason for you to trust them at all, other than they say they do a certain thing.

[Brady]

And that's a basic earn, too.

[John Holmberg]

Sure. Oh, no, they. If you watch Fox News ever. Evidently, a lot of tired old people watch because all their advertisements are for sleep aids, pillows, and the average cost of a funeral. Yeah, I see that one. All the average cost of A funeral is $9,729. I'm like, Jesus. Yeah.

[Brady]

That's not even starting the.

[John Holmberg]

No, that's everything.

[Brady]

The coffins is where.

[Nathan]

Whoa.

[Brady]

It gets up there. And then if you're getting up to, you know, headstones or this guy says.

[John Holmberg]

My dad passed away in 2018, and my mom and I spent some loot to have a funeral and a burial. We utilized GoFundMe because it was $5,500. If all I had to do was pay 55 bucks and cremate my dad, that would have been a lot easier. So I'm gonna have to redo my final wishes. Yeah. Well, call Trajan and get your estate plan to. But watch this thing and then. But do it without the emotion. Try to be like me. Try to be a sociopath like me. Try to do it without emotion and Hear what the guy's saying and realize you're the jackasses that just saw my business card and said he'll do it. Essentially, that was his message that had to undercut anyone in Pasadena destroying California. He went from like a thousand a year to 25,000 bodies. And he was just. And people are like, this is great. The deal's too good to ask questions. And the second somebody asks questions, they beat him up. And then he admitted to poisoning them with oleander leaves and killing them. He told the guy in jail, he's like, I just took some oleander leaves and I put it in a salad. Two days later, it killed him. Which I didn't know you could do with oleanders, by the way. I knew that they'd make you sick.

[Brady]

But he got out.

[John Holmberg]

He admitted in jail, never got tried for it. He's like, you don't have anything on me with that. It's like some celly told him, like, yeah, the guy told me he did it with oleanders. Like, yeah, I never did that. I might have met that guy. He denies that being true, but in a weird way, I was listening to that mortician, and I'm like, something's wrong with me, because this dude's making a lot of sense. We put so much trust in anybody that says, I'm an electrician, and they just show you a card, and you're like, trust them to dig into your walls and tear into your electrical. And how many times have they screwed up? Most of them are great, but we just assume. All right, well, they say they are, and they must be. And then when it comes to something as serious as your loved one's body, we do the exact same thing. This guy runs a store. He must be good. I probably regulated. Never looked into it. Don't care. 55 bucks. Too good to pass up. You got it. Here you go. Go get the body. And you don't stand by the machines, and you don't sit there and go, I don't know you. Why would I.

[Brady]

Would you do this with the kilns first?

[John Holmberg]

Right? So then they found a thing because his mom, who was this angel that everybody loved, was secretly in on it. And they were in one of her drawers and on a list. It showed how much ash per pound. Like. Like a brain. This one would probably be about this much weight. So then they would scoop it out, put it on a scale and, like, give it into people. Like, this is about right. Baby was an envelope.

[Brady]

I noticed. I noticed he had, like, a little Cup.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. She had. Well, she had a piece of the father's house. Yeah. She didn't get the whole dad.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Like, her dad was dead. And then a whole bunch of people got their popping gold teeth, whatever. But the thing on the list had, you know, male, this size is about this much in an urn. Female, this size, about this much. Baby envelope. So you just filled an envelope. That should do it. And then they poured that into the baby's urn. And I'm like, this is disgusting. But she was in on it, too. And the whole family had been doing it the whole time. But, like, if you had your living daughter and you're like, a guy just said, hi, I'm a babysitter, you would look into it, right? You'd be like, I'm not gonna let this stranger just have her for a day. I'm gonna look into it. I don't just trust this. Yeah.

[Brady]

If I'm calling. Especially if you're calling a service, right.

[John Holmberg]

Even if it's like a Kindercare or something, one of those places you at least go through and look around and goes, everything all right? You check Yelp reviews for restaurants, for God's sakes. With a dead body, with a human loved one. We just. You got it. Because, A, we don't want to see their dead body.

[Brady]

I think that's the biggest phone. I mean, we were.

[John Holmberg]

Everything's on the phone, right? And you just get it over with because, a, It's. It's emotionally hard.

[Brady]

The box arrives, right.

[John Holmberg]

It's weird. And then that shows up. Do it with my dogs. I'm. I've dug through. When Benny died, I opened up the urn, and the ashes are in a bag. And I just felt around because he had a metal implant in his knee. And I'm like, I wonder if this is him. And I know for a fact that the dog crematorium.

[Brady]

That'S a mix.

[John Holmberg]

You're not getting your whole dog. But it's symbolic, right? Symbolic. I'm really.

[Brady]

No, it wouldn't bother me that much. I understand how that would.

[John Holmberg]

It would if. If that. If that metal thing wasn't in the ashes and it was. Yeah, it would have bothered me. There was something about that. They comforted me. Go, He. This is mostly him. But there's no way is that just.

[Brady]

To kind of verify in a way.

[John Holmberg]

That was for me to say, I wonder. Because in my head, I'm like, I.

[Brady]

Wonder if this is bad sometimes. I thought they'd sift that stuff out, but they Don't, I guess.

[John Holmberg]

No, that's the thing. If it's. If it's just one. Yeah. The prosthetics and things that are inside you, they don't burn. Like your metal parts won't burn. His. His band on his knee for his ACL tear was pristine. And he's in the ashes and it's. You know, it's awful. And thumbing around the ashes of your dog. Right. A couple of them. And both of them have the thing that made me feel better. But deep down, I know for a fact that a dog crematorium, an animal crematorium, they got too much business. They can't go messing around with, you know, cleaning it out every single time or whatever. There's just churn and churn.

[Brady]

And it's not 55 bucks.

[John Holmberg]

No, it wasn't at all. It's a wild. If you let it manipulate you emotionally, you'll hate this guy and everything he does because you're right to do it. But if you actually sit back and think about it for a second, you're like, it's kind of our fault for trusting strangers with corpses. It's just an immediate trust to. It's the same as recycling. I don't want any part of this dirty ass job. But I know that if I just put it in that blue one, somebody else will do this. Slaughterhouses. We don't want to do it, but we want to bitch about how it gets done.

[Nathan]

You're shifting the responsibility you don't want completely.

[John Holmberg]

And it's. You know, when your family dies, the last thing you want to do is be in a room with their dead body. I was there when my uncle died. My aunt couldn't let his body go. It was weird. I told this story before. She started to give him a handy. She started to tug his corpse. She was lost, an emotional basket. I'll never have this again. And I'm like, whoa, whoa. My dad's like, all right, all right, that's enough. Like. And I'm like, no, let him see. Let's. Let's let this guy have one more. See if it. See if he finishes what's in there. Like, I got curious.

[Nathan]

Maybe she thought it would reawaken him.

[John Holmberg]

It's. What if you jerk off a dead guy and he comes back to life and we find out that's like the genie's lamp. Speaking of, I saw on Instagram the other day a guy had a genie, and the genie's like, all right, one more wish. But come on, be serious about it. I said, what? He goes, be serious. He goes, all right, I'll be serious, Genie. I swear. My third wish. Don't do anything weird. He's like, I won't. My third wish will be good. He's like, I'm serious. I'll just grant you your wish. But don't do it like the first two. Stop it. And he goes, okay, okay. Third wish. I wish for one more awesome genie blowjob. She's like, God damn it. So I died laughing at that. But again, we trust strangers to handle our corpses and then get mad when they mishandle them. The trust factor of a stranger handling your loved one's dead body is sort of on you personally.

[Brady]

We do it with a lot of things.

[Nathan]

I just want that out of mind.

[John Holmberg]

Sure you don't want to be around your dead body?

[Nathan]

I want a bag of ashes. I don't want to.

[John Holmberg]

You don't?

[Nathan]

I want it.

[John Holmberg]

No, you don't want the Internet stuff. See, I like that for my dogs.

[Nathan]

I mean, I know I'm going to get it because I want to be cremated, but I don't want to put that on Alex.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Nathan]

Like, just.

[John Holmberg]

I don't care. What.

[Nathan]

Go and bury the ashes. Do something. Like, it's just weird.

[Brady]

Well, that would be. And that's where, again, it's helpful to say, all right, porm somewhere.

[Dick Toledo]

Or like you said, whatever they give you.

[Nathan]

If it's briquettes.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, okay.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's what the dude said. He said half these families just say, take it out in the boat and do it yourself. Just send us a picture. Yeah, they don't want to be out there. Like, they have that thing you have. It's like, I don't want to be around this. I don't want to watch ashes go. I don't want to see ashes of my dead dad. I don't want to see it. I just know that's where he wants to be. Ashes of my dead dad. Good album name. Not a band name. Good album name. Weird. It was. It was. It really was kind of eye opening to me, but again, try to if you can, because it's hard to do. Compartmentalize this and say, isn't it. Isn't it a little bit on us to deflect this entire operation to some strangers and then expect everything's hunky dory, everything's perfect. It's not.

[Nathan]

I watched the trailer for that. And you. You get mad when he's saying, what's the differ? You're like, you're just callous and like what you said when you brought it up, I'm like, you're right.

[John Holmberg]

He's horrible.

[Nathan]

What is the difference of putting 10. Like. Like you said, take the emotion out of it. What's the difference in putting 10 bodies in there? You just want a lesser percentage of the other stuff with your ashes.

[John Holmberg]

There's a. There's an answer to all of it. It's the classic thing that no human being has the ability to do anymore, which is to make two things true at once. He's horrible, and everything he was doing was wrong, but his logic behind it makes sense. He's a businessman. You trusted me with the body. Why? Because I said I was okay? John, you're gonna told him a Merlin. And you would have been like, no, that's cra. Like you. You. You gave me something that you wanted handled a certain way, and then you disappeared. I could have done whatever I wanted. You weren't watching. You don't know me, John.

[Nathan]

You're crushing me. I paid a premium to have my Molly cremated alone, with no other dogs. They called me, let me know my dog's ashes were ready, went and picked up the ashes. Two weeks later, those mfers called me again to let me know my dog was ready. Oh, so now I don't feel like I have just her ashes. I don't know who the F's ashes I have. It sucks.

[John Holmberg]

But again, there's where I have to say your emotion. It's symbolic.

[Nathan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Terribly odd, but symbolic. And you don't want it to be, but it is. The ashes mean nothing other than your emotion, your symbolism, and everything else. So it could be the ashes. Like you said, it could be out of a charcoal grill. You're not going to know. There's something. Something. Check out Homework's morning sickness [e-mail] it's.

[Dick Toledo]

Nick Tolittle from Homework's Morning Sickness for Chime, the checking account that helps you manage your money better. How nice would it be to have a checking account that, instead of charging you fees, helps you build credit? Get paid early and more with Chime Checking, there are no minimum balance fees and no monthly fees. And with your Chime secured credit builder Visa card, you'll pay no annual fees or interest or be required to have a minimum security deposit or credit check to apply. And enrolling in direct deposit with Chime helps you get your paycheck up to two days early for free. So move toward a better financial future with Chime and get started today at Chime.com Homeberg where you'll open a Chime checking account in just two minutes. That's Chime.com Holmberg Chime feels like progress. Banking services and debit card provided by the Bancorp NA or Stride Bank NA members. Fdic Spot Me. Eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Fees apply at out of network ATMs. MyPay eligibility requirements apply. Credit limits range from $20 to $500. $2 fee applies to get funds instantly. Chime checking account required. Go to Chime.com disclosures for details.

[John Holmberg]

Homburg's morning sickness.

[Nathan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And that's when the. The brain of a businessman kicks in. These people won't know you're kicking. There's no identifying feature. It's scary, right?

[Nathan]

You're kicking people in the pills.

[John Holmberg]

That's not me. I'm. Damn it.

[Nathan]

Now I'm thinking, I got some of my dad's ashes put in ink and got a tattoo from it. Now I'm curious who the f ashes I got injected in me.

[John Holmberg]

Some Haitian AIDS patient. You don't know?

[Brady]

No, it's your dad's.

[John Holmberg]

It's your dad's. Just believe it.

[Nathan]

Is that on Max? People are asking.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. It gets a little draggy in the second one, but it's good because you're like, what else is coming? And then the end of the second episode, you're like, oh, now the dudes now. Now we're harvesting organs. They were against people's way. And you don't know, he was making a fortune selling people's organs to like underground labs and stuff. Again, why wouldn't. Big money. Nobody's watching. You guys just gave me this body and said, go nuts. And I did. And nobody complained until somebody squealed.

[Nathan]

John, I don't know if this matters or not, but I think with animals, they do put them in certain sections. It's a large oven. So you've got sections where one dog is. And then they sweep off that section into. Into an area. So you're more likely to get your dog as long as they give you the right section.

[John Holmberg]

I want to believe what you say.

[Nathan]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

But you know what I didn't do?

[Brady]

There's an AI camera.

[John Holmberg]

You know what I didn't do? Follow through. Just believed it. I believed it to be true. So I let that whole rose colored life just like, nope.

[Brady]

Are you going to change on the next one?

[John Holmberg]

No. But I also, you know, my brain will also say, why? Why wouldn't there be one bad guy in this industry? Why? Why in the world Is this such a wonderful group of like minded people that would never do anything wrong or never.

[Brady]

I've never seen that the secret the whole time.

[John Holmberg]

But no but I've never seen that industry where it's like wow, everybody is on the up and up.

[Nathan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

There's always somebody that goes we can Atlanta, look this business we're in right here. There's always somebody that says where are we missing out making more money? How do we streamline this? Where's the money?

[Dick Toledo]

How do we turn the fastest?

[John Holmberg]

How do we speed this up and make more money? How do we churn and burn? Pardon the pun. More, more, more, more. Nobody's sitting there going I'm going to do it right and I'm not going to make a penny doing it. You're not doing that.

[Nathan]

John, can you have Toledo work on an AI version of the album Daddy's Ashes by dude Soup in the meat tube.

[John Holmberg]

Yes. But it is, you know it is a trust factor. We all should be able to trust and should want to trust somebody that says this is what they do because we assume immediately and assign them a status of angelic wonderful human being because they've decided to take this life on. Now I happen to also know I've met two people that were in the business when I was little. I never got to know my uncle's parents. I didn't know they were by marriage. I just knew that I didn't know sit down and talk to them about why they they're around deaf all the time. They are numb to it. This is no longer you know what they do really well feign emotion console you. They know exactly what they say. They know exactly how to say it. They say it 30 times a day. It means something because they're, they're passionate about what they do. But bottom line is they're running a business and it's a recession proof business. It's one of the smartest things you can get involved in. Death knows no economy, John.

[Nathan]

I've already adjusted myself. I have sex with a dead person at least once a week. She's my wife.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you Nathan.

[Brady]

I got a Nathan Sutherland High school with and they're four generations family shedding your funeral homes. And it is when you say it like no matter what the situation is even with its friends or whatever.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

They know what to say. They know how to handle everything.

[John Holmberg]

Of course they do.

[Brady]

It's just, it's.

[John Holmberg]

It's their business. It's old hat now. Crazy. I get.

[Nathan]

How does Brady not get the Costco Coffin. They have great prices on coffins.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So that's the other thing. You start looking around at where I did that last night too. I'm like, where would I buy that here?

[Nathan]

Started looking at.

[John Holmberg]

Well, no, I just started looking at, like, you know, funeral services and things like that. And they have sales pitches. Oh, yeah, they have Able.

[Dick Toledo]

Did you mention it?

[Nathan]

Advertising Billboard at the old building.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the able service.

[Nathan]

$182.

[John Holmberg]

It had a price that was like, you're not going to beat these prices. It's. And they should. It's a business. They're not wrong to do that. But when I went online and I look, Costco was one of the things that came up, services available for. Blah, blah, blah, coffins, caskets, urns is like, oh, my God. Like it's a sale. And because it's. It's an incredible business. And I started thinking, I think I need to get into this. I think I'm just.

[Brady]

You don't even have to take it, you know, like, the city can do it, too.

[John Holmberg]

Can do what?

[Nathan]

Well, they do it.

[John Holmberg]

They do it.

[Brady]

And then you just get it in the cardboard.

[John Holmberg]

You get that? You get the cardboard wrap? Yes, they show all the people in the cardboard wraps, too. And that was what. The one when the dude. When it all resonated with me, when there's one dude looked up and he goes, I didn't know how many people died every day. And he goes, chain Doe. John Doe. There's a lot of them because we just stuffed them in there.

[Nathan]

John, we are in Phoenix with all the landscapers here. They couldn't blow out that crematorium with a leaf blower. At least clean it up.

[John Holmberg]

But then.

[Nathan]

And is Corpse Cloud a decent band name?

[John Holmberg]

Corpse Cloud is a great band name. Mark it down. But if you take a leaf blower to the inside of the furnace, still stirring it up. Okay. What's the moral difference than blowing the remainders out into the air?

[Brady]

Yeah, that's what I was saying. It'd be better because it's better with a shop vac.

[John Holmberg]

But yeah, if you shop back, what's the difference? In even shop vacuum, you got a scrub, you're scrubbing it up and throwing it out because it's chunks, because your fats melt first. That's the one thing about the place they went to in Hesperia over by San Bernardino, is that they had to build a little because it wasn't an thing. So they ran a runoff drain for the fat that would leak out of there. Because your fat doesn't burn it just kind of. And the dudes that walked in said there was so much like oil in the floor and wall from the body that we couldn't touch our suits to it because it would make marks.

[Nathan]

That was.

[John Holmberg]

That.

[Nathan]

That dude in Atlanta that was stacking them like cordwood in the back.

[John Holmberg]

They would.

[Nathan]

They would leak out.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they were leech out. They weren't burned yet.

[Dick Toledo]

They weren't burned yet.

[John Holmberg]

Those were just corpses.

[Brady]

We buried him.

[Nathan]

He just got behind.

[John Holmberg]

He got way behind, and he had a tough shed and he didn't know how to do it. He needed. He needed this dude's help. Watch the documentary. It'll. It'll. It'll move you around a little bit. Dude said, I just went on because you said. Handcrafted steel casket with a dark blue finish. Light blue crepe interior. Refined tribute, Very popular product and available [e-mail] same day delivery.

[Nathan]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

It's a business. And the. The dude's being very emotionless about it. And he went to jail for it. He was wrong. And he went to jail for a lot of stuff. He was really wrong, and so did the other guys for stuffing 200 people in one box. I mean, he just got greedy, but he was getting away with it until they burned down his crematorium. Nobody will question it because none of us want to go in there and say, I want to watch. I want to make sure my grandmother is the only one in there. No one will do that. And he's like, no one ever pays attention to me. I think I can. And it always starts that way. I have to tell you, I think I'd be that if times were tight. This sounds terrible. And I'm having trouble making ends meet. And I'm like, nobody's here. I can get two done. I'm stuffing a second one in there, and I'm gonna be like, oh, this is uncomfortable. Or nobody notices. And then I'm like, I've got four now. I'm running a bit behind. I'll do four. This is the only time I'm ever gonna do this. I'm gonna do four. I'll scoop them out, and then the next thing you know, you're breaking arms, you're shoving a guy in like you're packing a Samsonite. And that's what happened.

[Nathan]

Do it like a local tie in here. So what if the crematorium has a slump buster week?

[John Holmberg]

Exactly.

[Nathan]

Sales are need to where the workers need to up production.

[John Holmberg]

There's another dude down the road at a different funeral home. And he's killing us. His prices are better. I don't know how he's doing it, but we can't keep up unless we start a sale. And the only way to do a sale is to lower prices and speed.

[Nathan]

Up the process, speed up production.

[John Holmberg]

It's inevitable. And the more you get used to dead bodies, the less they mean to you.

[Nathan]

Think about what you just said.

[John Holmberg]

The more you get used to dead bodies. But think of that like the dude was like, ah, I see this every day. It's nothing to me now. And he said, I'm shoving two or three in and then you start raking in dough. Then the greed takes over and you're like, oh no. I could see why this happened. And I think, I honestly do believe I would do it. I'd fall into this mess. I don't know that I'm. That it sounds awful. This is not my passion, thank God. But I think I'd be one of those people that's like, I just need to get out of there. Nobody's paying attention to me. It's the danger of if you don't think anyone's watching, you're going to cut a corner or two, you're going to try to get out of there early that day. It's human nature. We've got a three day weekend coming up. People are going to leave early on Wednesday for the three day weekend.

[Nathan]

So listen, we all cut corners.

[John Holmberg]

It's scary. And I know there's a lot of people be like, you're horrible. I know, that's why I'm saying it. I would never get the thing that keeps me out of that business. Well, there's a lot. But the thing that would keep me out of that is because I know deep down I would start, I would be tempted to be like, let's hurry up.

[Nathan]

I know it.

[John Holmberg]

I know for a fact, having worked.

[Nathan]

In a restaurant business, when you're, when.

[John Holmberg]

You'Re pressured, I'm too logical and emotionless when it comes to other people's stuff like that. And I'm, and I, but, but the problem is I know going into it that it's wrong. So I'm just not even gonna, I wouldn't dabble.

[Brady]

That's what's scary. Do you want to make 10,000amonth or a hundred thousand?

[John Holmberg]

What do I have to do for the hundred? That's my first thought. It's easy. And the guys train. When I was at Tony Romas, Bill Osborne, I wanted to be a bartender. I was 18. I was just bar Back and can't be a bartender till you're 19. When's your birthday? It's July 26th. And I'm the only one who has that. Everybody else is stealing. And he's like. And he. And he's like, we'll get you in here the day after. So he starts to train me and how to clean, showing me how to make drinks. I'm not allowed to touch bottles. By the end of it, he's like, now I gotta show you something kind of special that we do here. Like, what is it? Well, I void $500 in sales every day and keep it. And here's how. I'm like, what? And if I was to be a bartender on the nights I bartended, I had to keep those numbers even.

[Nathan]

Yeah, you couldn't. You couldn't spike when you were bartending.

[John Holmberg]

So here's the thing. He's like, just pull it out. We'll make a pool and then we'll. So I never kept the money at first. I just made the numbers even and hid the money where he told me to. He was the manager, like, okay. And then later, he starts handing me cuts, and I'm like, ah. One time I needed money for a Discover card bill and a Sears bill.

[Dick Toledo]

That's what you paid your Sears bill with.

[John Holmberg]

Paid it off. Here's your cut. I'm like, I don't want to do this for three weeks. I remember, ah, Bill, that's something. I don't understand why this is going on. You don't want any of that. Now, keep in mind, I also wasn't Pollyanna. It was mostly cash business. And there were plenty of times I didn't ring something up, put it in my pocket. I fully admit to, like, not being in a hurry and being like, no, you got to get going. And then I'd be like, this. This isn't going to add up. At the end of the night, this money's gonna. I screwed up, but I'll keep that. I'll keep my mistakes. Nobody's gonna notice. Business was good then that time I needed to pay a bill, and I'm like, all right. And I took it and I paid it. And I'm like, oh, boy. Then the next thing you know, it's like, nobody's paying attention, and the guy running the place is doing it. The temptation starts to eat you up, and then you take that next step. You're like, I'll never do this again. Then the next step, like, I want to go out. My girlfriend wants to go to dinner. I'm broke. Next step. And then next thing you know, it's a habit. So I know deep down in my mind I don't want to be that guy. But if I'm surrounded by it, I know I can slip into it. I think everybody.

[Brady]

Don't put me in that room.

[John Holmberg]

Don't put me in the position for a long period of time. Because I'm A, I'm not a rat, and B, I'm not, you know, a stonewall. I'm susceptible. And I think we all are. I mean, that's the whole Bible. Sure. Hey, you're all screw ups, you know, and if you're going to put yourself.

[Brady]

In front of that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. The temptations all the time. You're human beings who will be will eat it alive. And then you realize that was just me at a bar. Like you said, dude went from a few thousand a month to 35,000amonth.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

To the next thing you know, 70, 75,000 every couple weeks. Yeah. What in the world? And it was because he found a way.

[Brady]

Pulling up in his Ferrari with a license plate burner.

[John Holmberg]

His license said, I burn for you. And it was a Corvette, which I said, that's kind of fun. I would find that dude to be. What do you do for a living? Oh, I run a crematorium like your plate says I burn for. For you. We're best friends. Like you and I are on the same page. Get something, something. Check out Homework's morning sickness [e-mail] it's.

[Dick Toledo]

Dick Toledo from Holmberg's Morning Sickness for Chime, the checking account that helps you manage your money better. Wouldn't it be nice to have a checking account that helps you and not just charges you fees? No one likes being hit with an overdraft fee. And with Chime Spot Me feature, you'll be covered for up to $200 until your next deposit. Chime will also never charge you a fee or interest when you need. That Spot Me cover Chime account also gets you free cash from over 50,000 ATMs, more than the top three banks combined. So move toward a better financial future with Chime and get started [e-mail] Holmberg. You'll open your Chime checking account in two minutes. That's chime.com Holmberg Chime feels like progress. Banking services and debit card provided by the Bancorp NA or Stride Bank. NA member is fdic. Spot Me eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Fees apply at out of network ATMs. MyPay eligibility requirements apply. Credit limits range from $20 to 500 DOL. Dollar fee applies to get funds instantly. Chime checking account required. Go to Chime.com disclosures for details.

[John Holmberg]

Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Nathan]

Dude. I don't know if it was as corrupt, but when I worked at Black Angus, we would have management going, you know, we've had, like, two, three weeks of great sales.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Nathan]

Not enough voids. We need that. We need to start giving away some free food.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you got to keep. Was weird.

[Nathan]

You'd go, wait a minute.

[John Holmberg]

But nobody's complaining because ownership would notice. They'd be like, every time Bill works, there's voids like crazy. Every time John works, there's none. And then everything. Now everything's getting. Everybody's losing their job wild, and you're screwed. I know better because this. And here's the thing. I think the first day I'm there, and they're like, we stuff 10, 12 bodies in here at once. I'd be like, I can't do this. Because if you. If you jump on the moving train and they're well into the scam, I'm just gonna leave. But if I ran it myself, and I'm like, nobody's ever in here with me. I'm in a hurry today. When I used to work at the old radio station, and they changed the system to be all computerized, and you all know listeners. I'm not real great with time. So at the end, I'd be like, oh, crap. I missed a whole commercial break. But I found a loophole in the computer where I could play it while a song played. You couldn't hear it, but it looked like it played on the computer, said.

[Nathan]

Yep, it played it this time.

[John Holmberg]

I was young, I was dumb, and I was just trying not to get yelled at. Yep. So I did something. I'd get in much bigger trouble for that. No one could notice.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

But no one was paying attention. I'm like, I can do this every day if I want.

[Nathan]

How about this?

[John Holmberg]

Number one ratings. All this other stuff. Everybody loved me. What they didn't know was I was an idiot. I'm sitting there, I'm like, I'm jackassing around with about seven, eight commercials a day that aren't actually airing. Oh, it's bad. But it was their system, so it's their fault. Brady.

[Nathan]

Nobody was monitoring that Porkopolis you ran, grifting on it every night.

[John Holmberg]

The reason it's not here anymore had nothing to do with Brady.

[Brady]

No. We should have been Grifting. We would be here.

[John Holmberg]

You think?

[Brady]

Yeah, it could be. Because, you know, definitely changes people in the restaurant business. Because when. When it was cash days. Now it's all.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody has a stuff.

[Nathan]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

We tried to go. There's ways around.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Somebody will figure out the one. There's always a guy looking. Yeah.

[Brady]

If you don't bring it up, that's one thing.

[Nathan]

But I think about. I think about, like, my taxes now, because now 95 of tips are on. Are on credit card.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Nathan]

Like when we were. We didn't claim anything, and you just washed everything down and pretended I was broke. Oh, my God. All the time.

[John Holmberg]

I scammed taxes like crazy because it was a cash.

[Brady]

And now you potentially won't have to worry about the tips.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Well, that's a good thing. Congratulations.

[Nathan]

Guess what. We're asking Tripp to become tipped workers.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. I make 7 cents a year.

[Nathan]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

The rest just tip.

[Nathan]

John. I worked at a cemetery in high school. Well, that's a little weird. We used to ride the caskets down into the grave. And you already know this, but they have a poor section that the state pays for in each cemetery, and it's usually the cheap ass caskets. And we rode those down into the grave.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Nobody cared enough to throw a couple bucks at the funeral pine box and shove you in the bad people section. The cemetery's ghetto anyway.

[Nathan]

That's what you're talking about. The. All the people that are Jane Doe and John Doe.

[John Holmberg]

That's what. That's the section that was. My eyebrows went off. I'm like, whoa. Yeah. And it's Los Angeles. I didn't realize how many people died every day. We had to hurry up. We had contracts. We were getting 55 bucks a body, and we're supposed to burn one every two hours with a cleanup in between. And he goes, I got 400. I got 400 bodies in here.

[Brady]

I don't know how you. Like you said at the beginning, that oven will take a day to cool off. After.

[Nathan]

It never cooled off.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You just keep shoving them in.

[Brady]

So how can you clean it out slow and low?

[John Holmberg]

Brady.

[Nathan]

John, I'm with you, man. I've thought for a while it's more surprising that we trust coked out minimum wage teenagers to be our line cooks every day. Where I go, I'd make sure and look into the kitchen if I can.

[John Holmberg]

We don't.

[Nathan]

And we walk out if there's one teenager on the line.

[John Holmberg]

I have one line I draw in life, which is I won't go to a place that can run away from a health inspection. That's like, that's where I'm like, if you've got wheels on your restaurant, I don't trust you. Because if you see a health inspector and you can start the restaurant and drive away way like I don't trust that. So I don't eat anywhere that I can't sue. That's my rule. I don't. If I can't sue you, I'm not eating there. And that just automatically gives me some sort of comfort that the meth head back, back in the kitchen is having a good day.

[Nathan]

John, I got to know about your dog. Did you let them know beforehand about the metal he had in him?

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Nathan]

And if so they just have to find it for you after you burn and throw it in. That's the thing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And I'm sure that there's like they can look to say, okay, this one's got a, the tlap or whatever that thing's called for the knee or this one had a little thing. We got to include that in the ash. They shovel them up and stuff one in there and go. I'm almost positive that's probably it. They just take a look. Is there anything in this one? Yeah, the. Because they have your name and the dog and here you go. This one's Ben. He goes to the homburgs. It's got a metal thing in his knee. So when we, when we're scooping up the 700 dogs in this thing, throw a metal thing in that. In that earnings. And they did to their credit. So it made me feel comfortable. But I never looked into it. I never knew it's a couple of washers.

[Nathan]

Throw it in there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it was, yeah, it was really weird. It was a big screen TV mounting kit and I thought, you know, how.

[Nathan]

Is that mounted on my dog's Ben's knee was good.

[John Holmberg]

But my God, that was a lot of hardware.

[Nathan]

John, you're 100% about the emotional tie in. I believe they should give out 100% fake ashes. I would rather have 100% fake ashes than 25% a stranger mixed in with my relative. Maybe just burn a wood burning fireplace next to my, my relative as you're burning and give me the wood ash.

[John Holmberg]

How about this diy? What just you your own burn like you do the pizza. You go and it's your time.

[Nathan]

My uni, my uni cremation, three to four o' clock.

[Brady]

Really chop it up to get in that Ooni.

[John Holmberg]

And they built. And they have a whole. No, no, no. We don't do it in the Ooni brief. Jesus Christ, get your mind out of the kitchen. I know, but you both kind of went down the wrong road. Can't bring up uni with him. We're going in. We're going in. The doors, there's a belt. They ding.

[Dick Toledo]

That's true.

[John Holmberg]

You get a. This is my new idea. You get a wall that has like 11 crema. Crematoriums in them. And then you schedule. You Brady to come in. It's time to shove your loved one in. Shut the door. Like you're at a washer. Like a. Like a. A wash house for washer and dryer. Like a public laundromat.

[Brady]

Maybe change it up like the monastery. You play some volleyball in between, maybe.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, sure. You flip the switch, you did the work. The workers in between. When your body's all done, you get your ashes, you leave. And then they scrub it up and get ready for the next one. You're doing 10 or 11 at a time.

[Brady]

You burn it.

[John Holmberg]

Yep. You burn it. We earn it. That's what it's called. I like it. And that way you have to take a little responsibility with your loved one to make sure if it matters to us, we should be willing to take that step. And you build this. Pretty expensive, this room I'm talking about of just nothing but furnaces. Hey, there's steel mills in Pittsburgh. They just closed nothing but blast furnaces and steel. Put some doors on it, and we're shoving in people like crazy. We got a smokestack up top. Everything's on the up and up. Just make sure the cleaning guys go through and clean. And that way, if you wanted to, if it matters, you can check for their gold teeth, the jewelry you want with them, all the stuff that you. It's all there. And you did the DIY work. Because I'm watching all these people on this documentary crying, I can't believe they did this to me. I'm like, where were you? After you. After you give him 55 bucks. Because it meant so much to you to do this right, but you took the lowest price and gave it to a stranger. Where were you? Because I'm going to put a little on the person who's crying their eyes out for an inordinate amount of trust, which we do need. But why? Why do we have it? There's the question. Oh, what a documentary. Anyway, I've gone on, I have asked you guys, and you cringe at this every time to tie me to the back of a car and drive me around like it's after a wedding with just dead and just bounce my body all over the road. Drive me around. I'm thinking of cans and meat.

[Nathan]

I'd be all right with that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, just drag. Drag me around until there's nothing left like a Stanley cup. Everybody gets a day with me.

[Nathan]

Put me in that bull ring and let that bull knock me around like a rat.

[John Holmberg]

Send me to some cannibals, save a life.

[Nathan]

That is Sentinel Island. Drop me off at the place.

[John Holmberg]

He's already dead. No, Sentinel Island's good. There's plenty of cannibals. Africa's loaded with. Just drop me off with some cannibals. I have no problem. It's true. They don't have many here. It's always a crime here, there. I think there's tribes that do it. That's what school taught me. I think they are up there going back full circle. Had a some cannibal problems. No, wait, that was Gilligan's Island. Never mind. Same thing though. Either way, I don't care what you do with my body. It doesn't like I'm dead. So go nuts.

[Nathan]

John. You want to talk about levels of trust? I used to work for a funeral home. I have all the stories. The majority of funeral homes in Phoenix and I imagine this way everywhere else are not connected to a crematory funeral home delivers the body another level of trust which I did a few times riding in the carpool lane, of course because it says two or more people. And a few days later the crematory delivers a box of ashes with a name on it. We never knew whose or what kind of ashes were in that box. Crazy thing I saw was an effing torso that was mysteriously delivered to our funeral home. Just the torso in the wee hours of the morning. I'll never forget it.

[John Holmberg]

That's a murder and you should have looked into it. Anyway, what are you gonna do?

[Nathan]

Brett Vesely said take care of this.

[John Holmberg]

He had drive found us out there in the desert. I don't know who's at the end is. Anyway, it's a great. It's on Max. It's called the Mortician. And it's interesting. It's just interesting what it does to your brain. Whether it's a great documentary or not, that's up to you. But it's. It is. It's an interesting discussion. It creates discussion, clearly. And I love that kind of stuff because I usually stand on the precipice of being crazy in these things rather than being the one. What you're supposed to say and what my brain says are two different things. Because I know what I'm supposed to say. But I kind of sided with the dude who was like, you'd do it. He's not wrong. Anyway, what do you got on the big board of musical treats there? I tell you right now, they're brought to you by our friends over at Action Ride Shop. Also, they have a crematorium in the back now. Yeah, Josh just started. Smart move. It's good business. He watched it and he said no. Action Ride Shop, brand new location up there. A McDowell and Power. Is that right?

[Nathan]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Always get road screw up out in the East Valley. He's out there at that one. And of course, the. The standby, the baby, the original is right there on the 60. And Gilbert, just a little bit south Southern. You want to head on over there and get a bike, get a. Get ready for summer. You want to go up north, which all of us are. Fourth of July weekend coming up. A lot of people going up to Pace and everything else. Grab a bike, explore pacing like you never have before and get a mountain bike and go through all the trails. Sedona, Flagstaff. This state is loaded with them. And Action Ride Shop can show you where they are and get you on the proper bike. You got an old bike, bring it in. They'll fix that thing up. We got the best mechanics in all the bike world. Action Ride Shop brings you today's Wake up song. What is it?

[Nathan]

First one from Sean Rockefeller. Can we get in the Ghetto for Brett driving to the Avenues.

[John Holmberg]

Well, let's not bash where he's going. He's at 35th Avenue in Bell. Afterwards, we'll play in the ghetto. But we need stuff.

[Brady]

It is Colonel Parker's. Would have been his birthday today.

[John Holmberg]

Is it Elvis's old boss?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Nathan]

House of a Thousand Corpses by Rob Zombie for our discussion, Fire from the Gods, American Sun, Alien Ant Farm, Smooth Criminal for the White Sox fan, Johnny Cash. Cry, Cry, Cry or Don't Cry by GNR for Cattell Marte Apocalyptica I'm Not Jesus for the mortician, Them Bones. Alice in Chains.

[John Holmberg]

Ooh, there it is. That's the keeper. Them Bones. I like that one. I was gonna go with House of a Thousand Corpse, but I like Them Bones better. Ashes to Ashes is also an excellent suggestion. Pretty good. Yeah. You watch the rest of that bird. You're gonna like that thing.

[Brady]

Lighten it up and watch the poop cruise afterwards.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, the one about. Did you watch that carnival ship? The carnival ship that backed up poops?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That's just gross.

[Brady]

Oh, it's.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Let alone that 3,000 people on there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Well, it's a great line.

[Brady]

Americans. It was a large crew, so the amount of the.

[John Holmberg]

The one thing about most cruises is a great line that you can use about cruises. Have you ever seen food stamps float? Because that's essentially what a cruise is like. The majority of it is a bunch of people that are spending 300 for the same vacation you're on, no matter how much you spend. It's a floating hotel.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So if you can imagine going to the Excalibur in Las Vegas, and then they're like, the Excalibur's about to leave. Set sail with every single person in here. You're like, I don't want to be with these people for seven days.

[Brady]

I had a friend call it a floating rv.

[John Holmberg]

It is, but an rv. At least you get to pick who you put in it.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

If you had seven people in a random rv, then everybody just showed up, it would be that. Now multiply that by a thousand. You got 2,000 guests. Oh, my God. Miserable. Horrible. Anyway, it's. Allison. Changed your wake up song. Them Bones for the mortician. It's 98, Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect.