06-27-25 - FULL SHOW - FRIDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode Released: June 27, 2025

Host and Crew:

• John Holmberg (Host)
• Brady Bogan
• Bret Vesely
• Dick Toledo

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Main Discussion: A Day in Mesa

Timestamp: [05:00]
John Holmberg kicks off the show by recounting his unusual yet fulfilling day spent in Mesa, Arizona. Contrary to his usual sentiment about the city, Holmberg shares a positive experience visiting Alchemy 48, a hidden speakeasy under the "Level One Arcade Bar." He praises the establishment's unique 1920s theme and its departure from typical Mesa attractions.

John Holmberg: "It's the coolest place I've been in forever. You need to make that trip to Mesa to go to this place."

Holmberg contrasts Alchemy 48 with other Mesa establishments, highlighting its charm and sophistication compared to older, less appealing venues.

Tragic Incident at a Bachelorette Party

Timestamp: [12:00]
The conversation takes a serious turn as Holmberg introduces a somber story about a bachelorette party gone wrong. A friend at the party, TJ, pushes the bride into a pool, resulting in a tragic accident where she is paralyzed from the chest down.

John Holmberg: "She was a week and a half away from her wedding when a friend jokingly pushed her into the pool... She was paralyzed from the chest down in the incident."

The hosts delve into the ramifications of the accident, discussing the emotional and relational fallout, including the bride's struggle with her new reality and the groom's conflicted feelings about the disaster impacting their impending marriage.

Brady Bogan: "I felt bad for her... Now she's married, a ... Slinky."

Content Warning: The discussion includes sensitive topics such as paralysis and marital strain following a traumatic event.

The "Golden Bachelor" Parody

Timestamp: [20:00]
Holmberg and his co-hosts parody a fictional TV show titled "Golden Bachelor," which satirizes dating shows by featuring older contestants and highlighting superficial judgments based on age and physical appearance. The hosts humorously critique the show's premise and the stigmatization of individuals with disabilities.

John Holmberg: "He's going on the Golden Bachelor to find somebody for the last 15 years of his life. He's shallow."

The segment serves as a vehicle for the hosts to explore themes of shallow relationships and societal expectations, albeit through exaggerated and controversial humor.

Guest Segment: Duncan Trussell

Timestamp: [80:00]
Special guest Duncan Trussell joins the show to discuss advancements in nanobot technology for treating sinus infections, as well as the development of mosquito-sized spy drones. The conversation oscillates between scientific topics and the hosts' characteristic humor, touching on concerns about privacy and AI surpassing human intelligence.

Brady Bogan: "China unveiled a new spy drone that's the size of a mosquito."

John Holmberg: "We have bug drones. And they just invented smaller than bug drones."

Trussell provides insights into the ethical implications of these technologies, while the hosts inject levity and speculative fears about future advancements.

Listener Interaction and Personal Anecdotes

Timestamp: [100:00]
The hosts engage with listeners through anecdotes and interactive segments, including stories about garage cleanups, fraternity experiences, and humorous takes on everyday challenges. They share personal experiences, such as dealing with clutter or reminiscing about college life, blending humor with relatable situations.

John Holmberg: "You take everything out of it and you put it somewhere else. That's right."

These segments highlight the camaraderie among the hosts and their ability to connect with the audience through shared experiences and humor.

Entertainment Drill and Commercials

Timestamp: [120:00]
The show features an Entertainment Drill segment, where the hosts discuss upcoming movies, promotions, and engage in playful banter about popular culture. They promote local events and sponsors, maintaining the show's blend of information and entertainment.

Brady Bogan: "Tom Brennaman joining us. Tell them about the movie."

This segment underscores the show's role in keeping listeners informed about local happenings while entertaining them with light-hearted conversations.

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Conclusion:

Holmberg's Morning Sickness episode from June 27, 2025, offers a mix of heartfelt storytelling, controversial humor, and engaging discussions with guests like Duncan Trussell. The hosts navigate through serious topics such as tragic accidents and societal judgments while maintaining their signature entertaining banter. Despite the sensitive content, the episode reflects the show's aim to both inform and amuse its Arizona audience.

For more episodes and content, visit 98KUPD.com.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

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[Toledo]

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[John Holmberg]

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[Toledo]

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[John Holmberg]

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[Brady Bogan]

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[John Holmberg]

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[Toledo]

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[John Holmberg]

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[Brady Bogan]

He's been extremely patient.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, amazing. But I was out there just to check it out. There's reason. Look, listen, I've never said this in my life. There's like I spent the day yesterday Doing stuff in Mesa and, like, on purpose. Like, not because I had court hearings or anything. Like, I was in Mesa because, A, I wanted to be, and B, I was enjoying myself. I met with a guy named TJ yesterday, and he is. He runs a place. He's the guy who. Behind a level one arcade bar.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And I didn't know. Have you been to Alchemy 48? No. Oh, my God. It's. It's a speakeasy under level one in Mesa. Oh, okay. It's the coolest room I've ever been in in my life. And I'm like, where am I again? He goes, yeah, you're in downtown Mesa. And I'm like. And like, is this a smile? Like, am I smiling in downtown Mesa? That doesn't happen to anyone. And he goes, yeah. I'm like, this is the coolest place I've been in forever. Like, I would make the trip to Mesa to go to this place. And I'm like that. I don't think anyone that's powerful has ever said that before. It was such a neat spot. Especially you. I know. So you need to make. That's why it's really cool. It could be like one of those. Mesa hidden. It is a Mesa hidden gem. It's such a neat spot. Spot. So, yeah, I was hanging out with him a little bit. He goes, you got to come see this. And it's this place we're doing a staircase down in. And I'm like, this is amazing. It's got this 1920s sort of. It's just so cool. It's just such a cool theme underneath. And it's just.

[Brady Bogan]

It's way better than the costume props thing. Years ago. That guy bought all those movie props.

[John Holmberg]

Everything. Yes. Yeah. The haunted. Weird. Yeah. Well, that was a. It was a very strange.

[Brady Bogan]

Spend some money.

[John Holmberg]

And Mesa had a store, and it was. Yeah, they had. It was a restaurant things. Yeah, it was a restaurant. A place you could. But you could go and see old movie props from horror movies. And they were.

[Brady Bogan]

Had them loaded.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, it was cosmic event or. Yeah. Toxic Avenger and things. It was just weird stuff. And then you'd walk through and you'd realize how bad movie props are. They're just rubber and.

[Brady Bogan]

But you'd go down in the cellar, and I think they made it like a haunted attraction. During the whole thing, they tried to.

[John Holmberg]

Haunted house in it, and it was just. It was like, this is what. Okay. This is what they're leaning and no. Oh, it's much better than that. Those Are the things. Because those are those things. I'd look and go, look at my face. That's a frown. Because I'm in Mesa. You've done it again. Like, you know, I walk by Milano's music, and I'm like, legendary.

[Brady Bogan]

Not better than having nachos under the Predator.

[John Holmberg]

No. Yeah. The weird. Yeah, The Rubber Predator. Yeah, the rubber, like, move Predator. It was. Yeah, it's a lot better than that. But if you have a chance. I never thought I'd say these words. And you're around Mesa hit Alchemy 48 and be blown away by the cool thing I got in Mesa. And it's level. Level one is a cool. I got one at Gilbert. The Level 1 arcade bars are neat. But I didn't know. And he goes, watch this. And this. This door opens. This. It's hidden. He goes, watch this. And you go down in there. I was like, this is the coolest thing I've seen in a long time. So thanks to TJ for taking me down there. And then after that, I drive even further into Mesa. Did you go to Moose? Deeper Mesa? Past the Moose. Oh, man. Up to Doug's new house. And it's beautiful. And I'm like, ah, great. And I never thought Mesa would make me go, I gotta start doing better. Look at the view. Oh, the view to all of it. He's got an amazing view. He's way out there. It was gorgeous. But it's all new, and it's all this, you know, fancy new stuff. And you're like, ah, you can't do that to yourself. You can't go.

[Brady Bogan]

And you never expect that to be built out there.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you would. When you get where it is, I mean, it's, you know, it's the Los Angeles mountainsides, and.

[Brady Bogan]

But how many people have. I mean, there's a cluster out there that's.

[John Holmberg]

I grew up in Mesa, and I knew that when they had that whole side going, you're like, there's the thing they're trying to make Scottsdale Mesa out of. And it was always amazing. It's. It's a nice. It's an. It's an awesome spot. It's just. You gotta. You gotta be in Mesa. Brett knows. We grew up there. We know it just doesn't. It's just never been a destination. They're trying. I was cool. I had a. I'm gonna fall over out of my chair. I had a really nice day in Mesa yesterday. What the. Wow. No. Most time you have a nice day, you're leaving Mesa, you're doing something else somewhere. I liked it and it wasn't at like an event. It was just a. Brett, come here for a second. Start smacking me around. I had a nice time in, in Mesa. Like a really nice one. Like stuff you can't get anywhere else. I always say that, you know, somebody says, you want to come out to Gilbert, you want to come out to me? You know how many things I pass that are better than what I'm going to do once I get to Gilbert? Like I go by like a hundred things better than the thing I'm going to land on when I get there. I'm not so sure that Alchemy 48 things a destination. It's a thing like I'm going to go out to that. That was really cool. Neat. So. And we hung out at the Rebel Bar, which is also. It's a, it's like little, it's like, like postinos for. Not postinos. You know, very cool. And you know, beer and wine and all that stuff. So we sat and hung out and talked stuff. And then he showed me Alchemy 48 and I'm like, okay, I gotta, I would, I, I, I'm struggling. I apologize. I'm, I'm enjoying talking about Mesa and having been there yesterday. I don't.

[Brady Bogan]

And well, we've always said crazy for a while that downtown Mesa.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's, I've said it.

[Brady Bogan]

Just amazing.

[John Holmberg]

When I, when I lived in Pasadena, I would look at Pasadena's downtown, the Colorado Boulevard and I'm like, this is everything shaped like looks like and could be Mesa. And they keep blowing it, they keep screwing stuff up and put. They made downtown Pasadena the most unbelievably cool thing. And it's exact same shape as Main Street. But it was, they're trying. I mean it's taken them 30 years too late. But you know, seems like it. I mean they got passed by Chandler and Tempe and Gilbert. Yeah. And even Queen Creek to a certain degree. San Tan, all that stuff. They're. Mesa's always kind of been behind the eight ball on making you want to go there. I know the whole city's like, stop it. You're a liar. You had some sort of fever dream. No, I was actually there and I liked it.

[Brady Bogan]

Now you can go to the Mesa center for the Arts for a one man show and go to the.

[John Holmberg]

Is someone doing one right now?

[Brady Bogan]

I don't know. Shatner's usually coming up.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they don't have any good shows there and that's the. Like, they built that beautiful facility. It's amazing. So I. Yeah. This guy says, I know exactly what you mean, John, and how you feel. I've got a friend who's an Alaskan fisherman, spent six months in Alaska catching a million pounds of halibut and spends the other six months in Los Angeles on the golf course. First time I went up there, I was like, ah, I'm going to be so close to Apache Junction, I'm getting my kidneys stolen. But it was beautiful. You still have to go through Mesa to get there, but it's beautiful. I know, but stop by alchemy48 and your whole perspective changes. Loved it. Thank you, Mesa, for a wonderful day. What? It's never been said before, ever. I grew up there. I've always said about Mesa, it's 500,000 people, plus it's the same size as Pittsburgh. If you've been to Pittsburgh and you've been to Mesa and you realize they're equal, you're like, what did Mesa not do, Right? To have the same. Pretty much the same amount of people and not have any sort of. It's a big town. Bigger than Albuquerque. Bigger than Tucson. Third largest in Arizona. Right. I think it's second. Okay. I'm not sure what. Tucson might be bigger. Barely. It's ridiculous. Anyway, I'm struggling. I've been struggling with it for a while. Thank you, Mesa, for. It's like it. You know what it is?

[Brady Bogan]

It's like a mini vacation.

[John Holmberg]

I had a wonderful date with a fat chick and I left like, I'm doing. Call Doug. Come on. Well, no, that's secondary. You're absolutely right. That was rude, you know, because it wasn't that great once. Doug. Doug and I have had good dates before, but I. A friend of mine said, will you take my sister out? She's really. You know, she feels left out. She's a big fan of the show Special. Okay.

[Brady Bogan]

It's the third time he's asked.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It's like, all right, you know what? You're a good friend. I'll do this. I'll take. And then his big fat sister showed up, and I'm like, hi. Just wonderful. Just immediately a wonderful person who's just mismanaged herself for a long time. Like, are you okay? We're trying. Like, oh, geez, Mesa, I'm sorry I've been a little rough on you. I just can't stop ordering Chipotle. I understand. Understand that. And with Door dash. Mesa, it's okay. What do you want to do. Can I show you a bar? And she did. And I'm like, I'm having the best time ever with Mesa. Unbelievable. Now it's a passing fancy. I'll go to someplace better and I'll be like, oh, yeah. Forgot about how cool this place was. Not going to Mesa. Something has to be going on. But that's Mesa's problem. There's no reason to go there. Something has to be going on in Mesa. But I'll tell you, if you're down there or you're even close, go over to that alchemy 48 and just enjoy yourself. The drinks are great. It's just the vibe. It was an awesome spot. And level one is a cool bar. Even going to shows at Mesa Amp, too. It's great. I love going to shows there. It's just waiting to be awesome. Yeah, it's. And I have forgotten as a kid who grew up in Mesa, I broke up with Mesa a long time ago. And I didn't. You know, I still have. I realized it yesterday. I still have a little piece of my heart that says, gosh, I wish this city was cooler. I wish more good things happened here. Well, it's because when you're young, it's that. It's that hot chick syndrome. It's like, oh, this is it. This is it. And then she turns into that fat blob at the 10 year anniversary reunion and stuff and you're like, okay, I don't, I don't want to see her.

[Brady Bogan]

Every day for the tourist.

[John Holmberg]

But now she's on the Ozempic and she's getting back to normal again. Maybe Ozempic has helped Mace out. She's thinning up. She's trying. She's jogging. Still orders too much Chipotle, but she's trying. How about that? Anyway, yeah, I had a really nice time in Mesa, then drove out to Doug's house and it made me just think to myself, you know what it is? This guy's right. Said you just had a slump buster. When you went downstairs to your sales department, let him know, slump busters work. You feel good about Mesa. It made you like everything else. I'm back on the horse. Mesa. Yeah, it's. The chamber of commerce is doing a terrible job of letting us know they got some cool stuff because I, I didn't even know that existed.

[Brady Bogan]

Get those commercials going. Come back to Mesa.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we're sorry. Start your whole commercial. We're sorry. We've been Mesa. We've effed up for 40 years. We have drastically Effed up, thinking you guys wanted to go to just Milano's for the past 50 years. A half century of effing up. We're trying to change that. It was neat. It was great. So I had a great time. And Doug's house is so pretty, and the views were so pretty that when I got home, I just was like, I'm just gonna torch this dump. Because now, you know, you live in your own house. You're familiar with all of its little problems. You see the little tile work that wasn't to your liking that you let slide. You should have fought. You got a couple of things in a room that you're like, this room's screw. I have a spot where my dog got happy tail and bled on the wall. I still haven't cleaned it off the wall. It's a spare room. You're looking. They're like, oh, yeah, I gotta get to that. I got blood on walls. I got chips. I got the tile thing here. And I just. I just need to. And Doug stuff's all brand new. It's like when people get new cars and you're like, oh, no. Then you get back in your car and you're like, oh, the elbow thing in the center consoles all squishy because that's where you lean all the time.

[Brady Bogan]

I just got the garage floor resurfaced.

[John Holmberg]

Awesome.

[Brady Bogan]

And it's completely cleared out. And I have North Scottsdale on the floor of my garage right now. And now you start looking, oh, the walls. And then I just opened the door to the side yard. It's a backyard. An AJ or west side. All my stuff's out there in Connecticut.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, man, you just.

[Brady Bogan]

But that room in there is glorious.

[John Holmberg]

Everything new leaned up against something old. Makes you go, I'm just gonna burn it down. Yeah, I'm with you on that mesa. New stuff just, you know, you gotta. You gotta get that out of your head. You know, my place is fine. But when you see all that brand new stuff, you're like, I want brand new stuff too. And it just changes your brain and.

[Brady Bogan]

The views, just like you'd never. I mean, it surprised me when you go up to some of those areas. Like, I'd have no idea that this existed in this part of town.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, it's amazing. I've always said that about superstition and Red Mountain and all that Los Angeles stuff. That should be the place where, like, when you go out to Superstition Springs golf Course or not Superstition Springs. Superstition Mountain Golf Course. And you look back and you're like, this should be the crown jewel of this valley. But. But there, look. There's Apache Junction. They ruined it. They stood there and said, and there's.

[Brady Bogan]

Some nuggets from Gold Canyon, and best.

[John Holmberg]

Views in this place. The prettiest mountain. It's so much better than Camelback, the mo. But they put. They put Apache Junction there and said, step over this to get to the good stuff. And people like, nah, we'll go there. We got other mountains. It's close enough. We're not crazy. But, yeah. I said, hey, you sob. Stop it. Just like when you go off on not wanting people from back east, knowing how nice it is and moving to Mesa. I love my hidden little gem here in Southeast Mesa. You shut your mouth. This place is a problem. It's awful. You shouldn't come here. Now you're inviting all these idiots that I never wanted to deal with to Mesa. All right. Sorry. You shouldn't have built that cool bar. You did it yourselves. Mesa might have listened to. Looked pretty good last night. But let me warn you, don't pull her pants down. It might be a big Mike situation down there. Oh, I'm still skeptical of Mesa's. I kissed Mesa good night. Let's just say there was no. I didn't sit there and say, all right, Mace, we're going all the way. I kissed me.

[Brady Bogan]

Drop them undergarments.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Brett, you nailed it. Banks is an old girlfriend from high school, and I've seen her now on a couple of Facebook posts over the years. I'm like, I'm never going there again. And then I ran into her, and I'm like, she's fat and looks terrible, but, man, that she's still sweet. And the next thing you know, you're making out with this giant girl, and you're like, what happened? She's so nice. I wanna. I just wanna see you again. Oh, Mesa. Okay. You're right. She pulls her pants down like, this is everything I never wanted. John had a good time in Mesa. What's next? Good time in Maryville? Good Lord, no. If there's a cool underground bar in Maryvale, I ain't going in it. Not without some police escort. No way. Anyway. Yeah, it was remarkable. I never thought I'd say the words I'm saying. Which just shocking. Wonderful day in Mesa yesterday. Say what? And I'm not so sure. Yeah. This guy says, what about pub and grub, Man, Mesa and the piss flies. Okay, okay. Pub and grub is its own special little animal. Pub and grub jups, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dive bars. That's Mesa. That fits. Because you're like, of course. Mesa. This is the best place in Mesa. I'll tell you. Alchemy 48. Look into it. It's stunning. And I just kept saying. I'm like, you got. He's like, people that find out about it want to bring people here. And I'm like, that's me. You got to get down there. Brad, you're kind of close. You live in Mesa? Yeah. Come on, man. All right. I didn't know about it. I don't go to downtown Mesa. Why? Most people, even in Mesa, leave and go places that aren't in Mesa. Right? I want to love Mesa again. I want to go this weekend. I want to be friends with Mesa again. I've kind of reconciled with Mace, But I think that's right, though. You pull Mesa's pants down, and the next thing you know, Mesa slapping you about the face and head with a great big one instead of balls and apologizing. But, yeah, I liked it. So if you get a chance and you're in downtown Mesa for whatever reason, buying crack or whatever you do down there, check out Alchemy 48 before you get your crack. Don't. Don't embarrass everybody. Get in there and just go. This ain't so bad. It was an enjoyable time. Speaking of Big Mike, did you see that? She went. She's been running around on podcasts telling everybody to leave her alone about her divorce and no. Oh, yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Addressing the rumors.

[John Holmberg]

Stop it. Barack and I are in our 60s now. We have no reason to really be on social media. So basically, what she's saying is, I see what you say about me, and I'm not being public anymore. Big Mike's mad at you guys because you keep calling her Big Mike. So she's pulled us off of social media, and, well, we're not allowed to. We're not out there, so shut up, Barry. Sorry about that, Everybody. Run. It's a big mic. See, I like that, because she's going on saying, you know, leave us alone. The perfect sign of, like, she's taking over that relationship. He doesn't talk. She's on podcast saying, we're not on social media because we don't want to be. Maybe he does, but he ain't going on there anymore.

[Brady Bogan]

Tough to lay low after the position that you guys ran as a couple.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, don't start blaming us. Yeah, don't start blaming us for paying attention to you who Jumped out into the. I want to be the most powerful man in the world. Not. Not her. Him. But I think she wants to use her for a minute. Yeah. Yeah, but I mean, when you hold that position, you tend to get a few eyeballs on you. Sorry about that. You can't start screaming. A little more privacy, please. When Harry and Megan did that thing in south park, made fun of them for banging a drum in their front yard, saying, all we want is privacy. All we want is privacy. And we'll tell you about it in our new Netflix documentary.

[Brady Bogan]

We're gonna lay low at Oprah's place.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we're gonna be at Oprah's place on tv telling you how to leave us alone. And then we're going to do a Netflix series about how you should leave us alone. We want privacy. And it's basically what Barack's partner is doing because he's going all over the place talking about that, and I think it's hilarious.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm going to remain private on podcast.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's right. I go on podcast. Tell everybody. We're not social. We don't. We don't like to share everything about our lives. We'll be right back after this commercial break. It's like, wait a second. You. You're going on podcasts to say you don't want to tell anybody anything about yourself? What the. She reminds me of Scorpion Immortal Combat. Get over here. That's a deep hole. But I knew it immediately. Oh, yeah. See? And now I want to play it only with her as the get over here character. Anyway. Yeah, so you got that. And then I was reading this article yesterday. This. This is a dilemma. I don't have all the details. I tried to write some of them down. Lady was at her bachelorette party. I saw this article. I was like, this is weird. And she's in a wheelchair in the picture, and she's pretty. And she said, it's been 15 years since my bachelorette party. And I'm like, that's. Why is this so down? A friend of hers at the bachelorette party pushed her in the pool, broke her back. Oh. And I'm like, oh, that poor guy. My first reaction was for the dude because they were getting married in, like, a week, Right. Bachelorette parties happened a little bit before the wedding. He can't pull out now. Like, he's got to care for in the hospital and stuff.

[Brady Bogan]

That's what I was wondering. Like, on this, 15 years since that. Did it go through?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So all their wedding pictures. She's Just laying in grass. They like dumped her out, like, put her down. Like she's laying down. Like, they make it look normal. It's like, here, look at this one. She's very pretty, but I mean that. She can't move. Wow. And this poor. And they're in their 20s when it happened. And she was. She was a week and a half away from her wedding when a friend jokingly pushed her into a pool at a bachelorette party. She was paralyzed from the chest down in the incident. And. And they. And the dude couldn't. You can't. There's no. There's no getting out of that. You're trapped. You're the biggest jerk in the world if you leave. Get something, something. Check out homework's Morning Sickness [e-mail] this 4th of July celebrate family fun and the freedom to save with your Valley Chevy dealers. It all starts with spectacular offers available now at the Valley Chevy July 4th event.

[Brady Bogan]

You'll have the freedom to choose from.

[John Holmberg]

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[Toledo]

But don't miss out. Visit a Valley Chevy dealer near you today.

[John Holmberg]

Holmberg's morning sickness. Well, Brett. Brett's eyes just went to the side like, no, you're not. I can. For how long?

[Brady Bogan]

I can deal with that.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. Marriage is forever. This will last a couple months. You know, people are pissed off. Paralysis is forever. That's what I'm saying. Marriage is not marriage. There's. There's no way to go to a lawyer and go, I went out of this paralysis. I know, but they say that you. So till death, death do your part and all that kind of stuff. It's supposed to be forever. People be pissed off at you a couple months. Marriage is forever. If you start one more important thing. He hadn't even started it yet. Oh, then he's good. That's. Well, no, he married her anyway because.

[Brady Bogan]

I think the week before he's bailing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he's. A week and a half before they're getting married. She goes off and breaks her entire body in half. They pull her out of the pool and like, oh, call him up. And he goes to the hospital like, she gonna be right? Like, no, she's never gonna. From the chest down. She's Useless. Wait a minute. Ah, Slinky. I married Nathan Sutherland' married a Slinky. He says fire today. Put him in the west valley two times in a day. And he comes back bitter and fun. I married a Slinky. Now I want to do that with a. With a plegic. I'm gonna start your legs first and just roll you. I think this is gonna work. Please don't do that. What's the worst that could happen? Break your back again? Yeah. You're gonna fight me from. For a Brett and a girl and married a Slinky? Will you quit looking at all these houses with stairs? You know, now look, trust me, you're more fun with stairs. They're not as bad as you think. Going up them is no good anyway. Brett took it to another level. Sorry, I started to. No, don't apologize. Making a paraplegic. A Slinky is the most tasteless thing I've ever laughed at in my life.

[Brady Bogan]

There it is.

[John Holmberg]

But I can't stop thinking about now. If I ever see anybody in a wheelchair, I'm gonna be like, oh, I want to play with that. Unless that's it. But I mean, think about that. A week and a half before your wedding, she fall and you gotta move the date and then. But then you gotta get a prenup because like you said, marriage is forever. And you're signing up for that. And he's like, oh, I have to. And he had to say and do all the right things, like, no, it isn't her body. I loved in her mid-20s. Of course she's. That's not why I'm marrying her because she's beautiful and she was, she is. She still looks great. And then the other picture got some kids sitting next to her. I don't know if I don't know how they did that one. It's a. It's a remarkable story though. And that all I could think of is the dude. They were a year out of college. 24, 25 year old people. It's too early to get married anyway, so I was engaged to my best friend. We had a little house, the picket fence. We're just going for the dream. Her bachelorette party was on May 23rd at Virginia Beach. At the end of the night, a bunch of us decided to go for a swim. Chilly outside of the pool. Decided I didn't want to jump in because it was a little cold. And a friend came and pushed me. And I ended up hitting my head on the shallow end of the pool. Instantly feeling left My body because I broke my neck. And of course, obviously, life changes. And he goes, but to you, that dude had to. And he followed through. And I know women are saying, oh, that's true love. I don't know. I think true love would have been being honest with her.

[Brady Bogan]

That's what I'm saying.

[John Holmberg]

Being honest with her and saying something like, if you pull up a Slinky commercial, I swear to God, I know what you're doing. What? Who, me? If that song plays. I knew you were fun.

[Toledo]

It's a wonderful toy.

[John Holmberg]

Why they never went upstairs. The commercial lied to me. I'm a Slinky purist. I don't like the. Oh, my God. You know what I almost said out loud? I don't like the colored ones. Come on. I have to reshape my argument. I don't like the. Yeah. The plastic ones, like you said. Yeah. When they change the colors. I like the old metal ones. The one that looks like the broken dryer vent. Yeah. Yeah. A spring. A spring. A marvelous time.

[Brady Bogan]

They should have gotten in trouble for that commercial. They never did. It never worked. Like they were saying, you get to.

[John Holmberg]

Go down the steps, down the stairs.

[Brady Bogan]

A couple times, and then eventually would pull up and start rolling.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Well, it would get the first little sign that it had trouble in this. Well, it's the same thing as a paraplegic. First little sign that it was kind of. It couldn't move it. Right.

[Brady Bogan]

Stretched it too much.

[John Holmberg]

You were the. That stretched it. I always yelled at my friend Mark Cash to stop pulling on it. You're wrecking it. It's got to have elasticity. It's got to be tight. You know the one kid that thought it was an accordion? They are. You're ruining it. And then the other.

[Brady Bogan]

Don't do that.

[John Holmberg]

The other one that would twist it like it was a tin of muffins. Like, stop. Slinky has one purpose.

[Brady Bogan]

Needs to stack. Perfect.

[John Holmberg]

Got to be perfect. Stack and it gives a little nudge and hold the bottom, and then it does its work. Boy, were we easily entertained. But God damn it, Brett has changed it into paraplegics. On stairs that you tumble down steps. This poor lady fell in a pool and broke her neck, and Brett called her a sleep. All right, stop it. That's what they're doing. Imagine, though, if that. Here's where we go. It's like a guy. The guy's sitting there and he's just. Oh, my God, My fiance just fell in the pool and broke her goddamn neck. And we're getting married in two weeks, and they just moved that. And I gotta call my friend Brett and just talk this through. I gotta go out with Brett for a little bit and see what do I do next. Like, where's my. What are my options here? And then Brett's like, what are you talking about? You gonna marry this slinky? I love her. You loved her. Tell me this. If she was in Mill Avenue Q Club and she wheeled up and you hit her in the face with a pool cue, you turn around and go, I love you. No, you'd have moved her out of the way and never give her a second thought. Now you're gonna marry it. You're crazy.

[Brady Bogan]

And he goes through with hitting the wedding. They're there taking pictures on the grass, and, like, now I gotta pick up the slinky. We're gonna be running behind on everything.

[John Holmberg]

Hey. Good to see you. I heard about your wife. So we're out trolling for broads is what's going on. No, I just want some advice on whether or not I should keep going with this. You need me to tell you what's wrong with you? Did you get hit in the head too?

[Brady Bogan]

I know what Brett's wedding gift is.

[John Holmberg]

Leaves little box stairs and a box with a little veil on it forever. He put a little wedding veil on top. You sons of bitches. You're making me make fun of this. I read this article, and I was sort of sad, and I thought the whole thing was a no. So was I. I felt bad for her. Now she's. She's married, a sleep son of a. Like, walks downstairs, a loner, in pairs, and makes a slickity sound. Now she makes a longer. When she goes downstairs, it's lanky. Oh, the metal on her back. Oh, my God. All right, Brett, get your checkbook. Get your goddamn checkbook. If I have to do it, you have to do it. This is your fault. You're offending all sorts of people. But it's worse that you've got a friend like me who's like, yeah, I'm. Yes. And improv guy when it comes to this. And this is the times where I need to be like, stop it, Shane. Just road. If that's the case, I'm pulling a Brady on the crib.

[Toledo]

Late.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, late. You're not. You're not my cup of tea. What does it mean?

[Brady Bogan]

I'm holding off on that gift. Yeah, that's at least six months.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, but let's be honest. Like what most married guys say later in life, they're all paralyzed from the chest down. Eventually. Just kidding, ladies, we know it's just a waist down anyway. I don't even know where I was going with that. I was having so much fun with this. Okay. Son of a bitch. I'm not gonna be able to look at anybody in a wheelchair and not hear that little moment. And it doesn't even make sense. I'm not supposed to abuse them. Bastard. Good lord. If I see short bus again, I'm taking them out of those chairs. Great. I married a slinky. But he had to. He didn't have to. You're right. Then you get into this guy, this guy talking about, you got to. You're not married yet. Consider yourself lucky. What if this happens two weeks after the wedding. Now you gotta go to lawyers, right now you're scot free. What is it? You had to have that talk. What does this mean for our sex life? Can a woman be that selfish that she goes off and breaks her spine and then comes back and said, and because I can't have sex ever again. Neither can you? No. I mean, yes, they can. But that would that be. Yeah. I mean, would a guy do that to a woman? Like he goes. He goes slinky and he comes back.

[Brady Bogan]

To the wedding, doesn't feel anything. Right?

[John Holmberg]

I know, but that's okay. Brady, you seem like that's a normal thing to say. Yeah. She doesn't feel it.

[Brady Bogan]

What's the big deal? What's the difference?

[John Holmberg]

Ronnie's been saying that for years. She hasn't felt it. She goes, I can't feel it. Don't worry about it.

[Brady Bogan]

It still works.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, it's working for me. I feel most of it. But if a dude did that, you know, his first thing is like, look, I can't perform down there. But women are much better about that than men. Men are supposed to mean I can't ever. And he's. And then, and then as a man, when she's like, I want you to do whatever and you got to take her out of the chair and then she's rolling down the stairs and of. Yeah. And then you have. It's link this rolling in your head when you try to get aroused by it. And then you offend her cuz you can't get hard. Right? It's different if you've been married for years and then their backs break and you're like, no, it's like, I mean 25 the odds of their marriage working. Even if she was upright, bipedal wouldn't. Would have been is minimal. That adds quite a wrinkle.

[Brady Bogan]

I remember not to. It's a different situation.

[John Holmberg]

Isolate that. Start it over again. This is. This is the noise. That's all we need. You son of a. Anyway, I don't know if that thing's a. It's gross.

[Brady Bogan]

I remember growing up in Columbus. There was still there that young out of college, getting married. And there's the bachelor party. And the one guy that threw the bachelor party's father owned a office building. Four stories.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady Bogan]

They were doing the. The rooftop party for bachelor party. And the dude did the fake push. Yeah. And the groom fell off the building. Off the building. Oh, she didn't marry Silly Putty.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, she didn't.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, that I didn't.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he's dead. Well, of course. Well, okay. Well, you don't marry A kind of relatable story is this.

[Brady Bogan]

Brett's gonna call him silly buddy.

[John Holmberg]

The hell kind of relatable story is that? She didn't go through with it, you say, huh? Wow.

[Brady Bogan]

She wanted to, but they wouldn't let her.

[John Holmberg]

They got rough. Next week. What the am I hanging out with here?

[Brady Bogan]

So she married the best man.

[John Holmberg]

Oh sure. Yeah. She had the next. Next man in line. Next man up. It's like Mike Thomas. One man's misfortune is another man's opportunity. That wasn't even. That's not a relatable story, Brady. She didn't go through with it. He's dead. I'm still gonna do it. You're sick, lady. Move on. No. Until death do us part. But I figure if we start there, he jumped. The death to us part.

[Brady Bogan]

I just was looking for get the Silly Putty reference.

[John Holmberg]

The Silly Putty song. Otherwise I'd find it. You wanted to have a wacky reference too, but your story didn't work. Work? I knew a guy died once and then called off the wedding. Yeah, that's of course. Cuz he was Silly Putty. Da da da da da da. Nothing. Hit. Hit it, Brett.

[Toledo]

It's slinky.

[John Holmberg]

This works. It's slinky for fun. It's a wonderful toy. You can't work the stairs. See, she's a slinky stair. God, I hate you. That's a tough one. I would say in your story, Brady, to try to make sense of it at all being here. That dude jumped. That was a thing as friends talking to him about marriages. I mean he just turned around. Left off thing he said. Oh, he did a fake push, but he left off. And what kind of short sighted Building was it that you can fall off of it.

[Brady Bogan]

He had the little pony wall. Three foot pony wall. And he was standing up there.

[John Holmberg]

A dangerous place to have a rooftop party. That is not OSHA safe. That was not an acceptable place to have a party if they didn't have any barriers. But you're allowed to be up there. They gotta have a little higher up. I just tumbled over a small wall. Whatever happened to her? Yeah, the girl.

[Brady Bogan]

I think she got mar. I mean, you know, a couple years.

[John Holmberg]

Down, married a living man. That's right.

[Brady Bogan]

Not asleep.

[John Holmberg]

She had a type.

[Brady Bogan]

But the Slinky story is.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, boy. Don't try to fix it.

[Brady Bogan]

The Ohio State. The Ohio State University, he's gonna. There's a lake called Mirror Lake. And on your 21st birthday, you get thrown into the big fountain, the lake area. And it was a girl. And she.

[John Holmberg]

You're just gonna tell a sad paralysis.

[Brady Bogan]

She was a Slinky.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Jesus Christ. We are looking for a Slinky.

[Toledo]

There you go.

[John Holmberg]

I didn't ask you to.

[Brady Bogan]

There you go. Hit the music.

[John Holmberg]

No, I didn't say. Tell me. All the people you know have been paralyzed. There's one story. You don't need to add your mix into it. Just let this live. Well, not the other guy, but you know what I mean. Are we just Sherry stacking stories about people with spinal cord injuries? No, I told one. Brett hit it out of the yard with the Slinky reference. The song starts, da, da da da, da, da da. And you're like, here's more sad tales of paralysis for fun.

[Toledo]

It's a wonderful toy.

[John Holmberg]

See if we can add the Slinky song to all of them. No, just this one. Because it was so unexpected. Jesus Christ. So you get in there. Stairs are a huge issue for them. These people have problems with stairs and Slinkies. And it's a great joke. Never heard anybody call somebody that before. Got a kick out of it. And all I was saying was, poor dude had to confront. The whole point of the story was nobody. The whole. It's selfish because the whole story's about her. Nobody ever turned and said, dude, what was going through?

[Brady Bogan]

Dad, I can't do it. The hell you can't.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

You're going through with this.

[John Holmberg]

Dude, what was going through your mind? And I'll tell you exactly what was going through his mind. God, that's stupid and I love it. You're an idiot. You're dumber. Because you kept trying to find more Slinky references. There's only one I Knew a guy fell in a thing, his neck snapped in two. Nope. You're adding for no reason. Too many. He tried to tell us a story about a guy who splattered himself over slinky. Yeah, you overdid it, man. We had it. We had it. We were. We didn't need a second ride.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, but they're showing multiple slinkies in the commercial.

[John Holmberg]

Now. What you're doing, what you're doing there is what I did with the different colors. The three. Yeah, the three cases of water. Only needed two there. The third one was a lot. It was a little extra. It bogged us down. Down. Did your mind go. I'm going to tell a story about that.

[Brady Bogan]

First thing I thought about when you talked about the slinky was the mirror lake.

[John Holmberg]

Just focus. Focus on the story at hand.

[Brady Bogan]

Tragedy.

[John Holmberg]

We weren't talking tragedy. So just focus on the story at hand. Yeah. When Brett brought slinkies up. Let's just run with that. That's an improv class. Let's run with that one. If you add more tragedy, you just made it. Sad as mother. I knew a girl once who couldn't walk. Oh, God. Was she getting married? No, never.

[Brady Bogan]

Old maid celebrating 21st birthday.

[John Holmberg]

She had a dusty old clogged up for the rest of her life. Jesus, Brady. Happy birthday. I made slinky jokes too. I'm gonna throw in my silly Putty gag. That's what. That's what this story needs. And Silly Putty. What? Oh, God, that's tragic. What you did was tell a tragic story and they didn't get married. Well, we figured that out anyway. Son of dad. So the original question is moot at this point. If you were a fella and you were a week and a half from your wedding and she came rolling up going, you're not gonna believe how bad the bachelorette party went. And I was like, you're not gonna believe that. You didn't need a bachelorette party at art. Cause you're no longer a bachelor. You're gonna remain a bachelorette. You're going to have another one of those. This one didn't take. I peed myself a little bit there. Thanks. Brett and Andy emails and so at least he got out of having kids. No, she had something forced into her and made one. So that was the other thing. Now that I'm thinking of that. So not only that. She still has periods too. Who's cleaning that up?

[Brady Bogan]

She's got the other half.

[John Holmberg]

Huh?

[Brady Bogan]

She's not. She's not a quad from the Chest down. She is a quadriplegic.

[John Holmberg]

What would that have to do with her periods? Well, yeah, she is. She can use her arms. She's paraplegic. You can still have periods.

[Brady Bogan]

I know, but she can help.

[John Holmberg]

Worried about, like, she can wipe herself is what he's saying. Yeah, no, she got it. She can't get up and down off of things. She's got to use her arms to pull herself up off the ground so you can clean the puddles.

[Brady Bogan]

You seen those para Olympians?

[John Holmberg]

I never seen them clean up period blood. Because they have to do the thing with the chair where they support themselves, like, all right, all right, all right. Get it, get it, get it. And then you got to reach under there and clean the chair. Careful. Crandall and Bailey are going to start sending us videos of that. I don't want any of that. Yeah, I don't think they can balance on one arm. Maybe if she's, like, really strong, make some sort of fulcrum and then reaches down with her other arm.

[Brady Bogan]

Definitely the sport chair.

[John Holmberg]

Huh?

[Brady Bogan]

The sport chair where the.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, she can roll around, but I'm saying clean up down there. She's not doing a ton of that. She just best looked at the dude and say, hey, honey. And he's like, damn it. Remember when you could walk? Anyway, morning, everybody. But all of this, and Brady, somehow or another still thinks he's going to heaven. He's got a hot seat right next to all of us. He didn't hear that story and say, that's terrible. He said, I knew a guy who died on a building once and a girl who broke her spine in a lake. All right, well, thank you, Brett, for changing the entire tenor of that beautiful story. I had an ending. No, I. That's true. I had a beautiful, beautiful ending to it. And everything else. Of course we're getting the emails. Well, back door's always open. What the hell, Nathan? You're paraplegic. It's not just the front of you. The whole thing shut down. Yes, the back door's open, but same with Brady's corpse that was laying on the ground. The back door was open there, too. It's wrong. Effing Brady can't bring himself to kill anything but a joke. It's a good point. Anyway, well, let's move on. I'm gonna give Brady an ice cold washcloth for his forehead. Said, stop thinking about all this tragedy. Read the room. It's time for that wake up song. 585-9800. A good one. And we'll scream it together. It's 98 KVD. Wake up, Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect. 98K UVD still streaming Homeberg's Morning Sickness online at 98kupd.com.

[Brady Bogan]

Yay.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you, Miles to nowhere. It is Katie and the Hobbs getting you through your Friday morning for the big week. Next week's Friday, Fourth of July and all that. Good Lord, maybe 130 degrees up until then. Super Nintendo. Shelley Boggs has emailed in and said, you guys are making me question my heart because I'm dying, laughing, dying laughing at that damn slinky thing. I'm like, well, you should have known. You listen to the show Super Nintendo Bogs.

[Brady Bogan]

Be careful.

[John Holmberg]

You're. This is brand liability, sweetheart. I'm sorry for you to even get close to this. Got a guy who emailed me too and he said, john, your story about Mesa reminds me of when I ran into the ugly girl from high school 15 years after. And we used to make fun of her because she was so fat. She got a mommy makeover and she walked by us and we're like, do you know who that is?

[Brady Bogan]

Is.

[John Holmberg]

He has her name in here. I'll just use a different one. It's Lisa. Remember her from high school? Lisa the pig. Yes, Lisa. She got all fixed up after her first kid and she looks great. Married a guy with some money. They're divorced now. Guy gets with Lisa the Pig after the mommy makeover. There's just some things you can't change with surgery. Evidently he's like, deep down, she was still Mesa. I didn't get into details of it, but I'm assuming that there was. It was just visual.

[Brady Bogan]

No chemistry.

[John Holmberg]

No al. Once the clothes came off, you saw, ah, they missed a spot. You're doing an awful lot of Spanx and push up bras and Lululemons. A lot of things that are dressing Mesa up a little bit. You can put lipstick on a pig, they say, well, Mesa, I want you to put lipstick on. I loved. I loved my time there yesterday. It was weird. People are worried about Brady. Brady, are you running on three of eight cylinders this morning? What the hell did that have to do with a dead guy falling off a building? Enjoy hell, Brady, because I don't think you love the God you say you love. There's no way anybody lets you in after this morning. Damn you guys. I'm going home and throwing out all my kids slinkies the second I walk in the door. And they won't know why. And I'M not telling them. It's your fault, Brett. What? What did I do? You introduced us to it. I had never heard that. I've heard all the dark stuff I thought I could hear. I didn't realize that anybody had ever nicknamed someone in a wheelchair slinky. You're welcome. It's just horrible, man.

[Brady Bogan]

The fact that the thing happens. Like a horrible thing happens to you. But. Yeah, but you understand. You see what I got to marry now.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Thumbs up.

[John Holmberg]

Your fault. This is going to kill me forever. Anyway, anyway. By the way, yesterday, I'd like to thank another radio station in town. They treat me great over at that radio station. I should work there. They're nice to me over there. KTAR had a thing yesterday covering something said, asking a question. Who would be the one celebrity you would invite to your social function here in town? Wedding, house party, etc. On the broomhead show. And I came up as the winner, for God's sakes.

[Brady Bogan]

How about that?

[John Holmberg]

How about that? It's John Holmberg. Not only. Cause he's intelligent, because he's funny. And it also included Frank Caliendo, second place. The funny part about that is I don't want to come to your party. It's weird. If you wanted me there, I wouldn't want to be there.

[Brady Bogan]

Neither does Frank.

[John Holmberg]

And I think that's why people would want me to go to their party. I think there's a. When somebody's like me is kind of reclusive and I actually leave. For some reason, people think that means more. And I think it does too. It's like I don't, willy nilly, go to random house parties because let's face it, 98% of house parties are awful. Just terrible. Food flies, kids, hands. Man, I don't want to do that. Brady's different. Brady's a guy who likes to go down to storm drains and start firing through food. I couldn't do it.

[Brady Bogan]

It's got to be a nice setup in the storm drain.

[John Holmberg]

But yeah, sure, yeah, you gotta have some tablecloths. I'm like, yeah, we're not screwing around. I understand. You're not just gonna go down there, eat off the ground. You're not a raccoon. But you would probably if they just left pies laying around the storm drain. Try a couple of them.

[Brady Bogan]

Something different.

[John Holmberg]

If they were wrapped in foil. Come on. It was wrapped. I mean, you've eaten. Eaten turkeys. Neighbors have buried in the past. Stranger neighbors. Not even friends.

[Brady Bogan]

I've eaten muskrat before.

[John Holmberg]

Have you yeah. Is that true?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Straight off the road.

[Brady Bogan]

It was a game dinner that we have in the fall. And who my dad would do it amongst his hunting friends and they would bring weird. And they'd bring over stuff that they've caught or. Yeah. Killed.

[John Holmberg]

Roadkill.

[Brady Bogan]

Trapped muskrats for the first. So one guy smoked a muskrat. Smoked beaver.

[John Holmberg]

The hell? No, no. See, stop trying to swing at pitches that aren't there. What's wrong with you?

[Brady Bogan]

That was the. That was the two worst.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. That's why they don't serve it. Of course. When will you understand the logic that if it's not in a restaurant, it's not food? If that's my argument of tamales, there's no place that serves muskrat on special Friday. There's a reason tastes horrible. Were you guys thinking you were going to discover this? You don't think cavemen back in the day fired down a muskrat or two.

[Brady Bogan]

And said it'd be like, squirrel or something? Not a big fan of squirrels.

[John Holmberg]

Of course not. That's why we have tons of squirrels and nobody's eating them. There's a reason. Rats, squirrels. There's a reason. You think that way back in the day.

[Brady Bogan]

Rabbits. A stretch. Some people really like.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. But you think way back in the day when they were hunting for their food, they hit a few squirrels and they're like, stop. Stop hunting these. These are disgusting. And then they didn't pass it down. The reason we don't eat squirrels today.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't think they're turning down a squirrel.

[John Holmberg]

We can. We can thank Ditch pickles. Are you kidding me? You can thank Ugh. And muh. For us not eating squirrels because they fired at a couple like, we gotta start shooting deer or something. These are disgusting. And then they just didn't tell the next generations. And then they started to point it out like, squirrels are off the menu. Unless you're a hillbilly in Ohio and you guys have traps and decide to have a barbecue of things no one wants. That's disgusting.

[Brady Bogan]

Antelope, elk, you know, you name the. Those are.

[John Holmberg]

That's venison. That's deer. We've discovered over years that that's a little tougher to eat. We like things that taste good and reproduce quickly. I don't know how cows got away with what they get away with, but we've made so many of them that we kind of got through their gestation period being a little long. We like stuff that reproduces and tastes fantastic. Things that reproduce fast. And we don't eat them. I already know that that's a bad combo, because rats. We should be eating rats like crazy. If they were good. Oh, my God. As fast as they reproduce. But we. We won't even eat rats. Nobody likes a rat. Nobody will eat rats. That's right, Brad. Nobody eats rats. I don't need anything with the word rat in it. But he's eating muskrat. My neighbor in West Virginia, Todd Bebout, pounded on our door once while we were eating dinner. Come outside, John. Gotta show you something. Like, John's eating dinner right now. Well, they just ran over two rats out in our road. You want to come see it? No. The hell is going on out there? And he's out there scooping it up with a. It was the top end of a cardboard box.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Scooping it off the road.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And they. He took it over to his family and they stewed it up, did something with it. I was from Indiana and West Virginia. Was. I was the bougie kid. Oh, you don't know because you're from highfalutin Beverly Hills, Indiana. I'm like, no, Indiana is worse than most places. Except here you guys are scraping food off the ground. Well, yeah. Before something else gets it. Anyway, don't eat rats. Brady. Since I could have to. You. Would you go to somebody's house if they had a muskrat game night?

[Brady Bogan]

No, because I tried it once.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but if somebody had it, would you go on a. If you hadn't had it?

[Brady Bogan]

I guess if I hadn't had it and it was there.

[John Holmberg]

Muskrat.

[Brady Bogan]

Whether or not I would.

[John Holmberg]

Squirrel night.

[Brady Bogan]

It wouldn't be, you know, if that was the only options. I'm going to eat something beforehand.

[John Holmberg]

You're gonna fill up.

[Brady Bogan]

All we're doing is muskrat.

[John Holmberg]

And you might have a. Well, no, that's essentially what you said. Game night.

[Brady Bogan]

I know.

[John Holmberg]

Ye.

[Brady Bogan]

And you know, because you know, you also have goose, wild turkey, and you know, all sons, probably 20.

[John Holmberg]

I can tell you right now if that's on the table, the plate that stays full all night is rat.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, yeah. It's the tray that's over there.

[John Holmberg]

You're telling me they had turkey and rat in the same party? And you tried the rat? Rat.

[Brady Bogan]

It's muskrat.

[John Holmberg]

It's rat, man. That's rat. Yeah. You don't eat rats.

[Brady Bogan]

I did. I took a bite. Thank you.

[John Holmberg]

This is why Porkopolis closed. We can use squirrel or rat mate. No one will know. But we don't need Them, we don't need them for a reason we'd never have. We got a hunger problem and squirrels and rats running all over the place. And even Africa's like, what else you got? Like, we can't even send half of New York's rats to Africa and go, it's meat. No, we'll starve. That's good. Thanks, though. Just for fun. It's just on my mind. I'm sorry. I can't help myself. Why has it got me so bad? And then. This is fun. You know how we made fun of the Golden Bachelor last time they tried this? And the best part was those old ladies because they do the confessional. So the golden bachelor is just the bachelor with really old people and handsome old people. Like, the ladies are pretty for their age. And wasn't the.

[Brady Bogan]

The original golden bachelor? Is this one a little bit younger?

[John Holmberg]

No, 66.

[Brady Bogan]

66.

[John Holmberg]

I think they're about the same.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. Okay.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know that it was.

[Brady Bogan]

I thought maybe he was like 70, maybe. Whatever.

[John Holmberg]

He's a good looking dude. And this guy is as well. But the. The original one we made fun of because. Because, you know, they were. They would talk and they'd get like this. Like, these women have shut it down in their lives, right? They have not been dating and they all kind of made. I haven't been on a date in five years. I haven't done. I haven't done much of anything since my husband divorced me or since the. Since the, you know, the breakup or the really bad ones, which were, you know, since the death. And they were going through some emotional stuff. So they would say that. And like a good portion of them had never kissed anything. And you find out that as a lady ages, her face gets real soft and isn't, you know, if she's not using her lips, they get like, almost like a horse's nose. That's the best way I can describe it.

[Brady Bogan]

Callous?

[John Holmberg]

No, super soft. Like weak. And then when that dude would go in and kiss one and it seems like I just wanted to have an evening with you. And then they'd sit on the couch and then you'd hear the waterworks and it would start. The machine would start chunking out. We're trying to make moisture down here. It was like a. It was like. It was like tatooine for years. They had to have moisture farmers to get it fired up again.

[Brady Bogan]

And it was just spitting out snowflakes.

[John Holmberg]

For a little bit. It was just. Yeah, it was just. I don't think I don't think it's working. Oh, just give it a second. It's like a sprinkler that hasn't run for years. It'll spit some water. You're like, you've been in a house that hasn't had its water on. You turn on. There's a ton of air in the pipe. That's the noise they made at the end there. And you turn it on. All right, I got it fired up. That's what their body parts were doing. Their mouths hadn't been kissed in ages. It had been ages. So they.

[Brady Bogan]

It's running off like it's Gore Tex. Water's not absorbing into this thing.

[John Holmberg]

It's brown. It's shooting out all rusty. Okay, I got her going and then. But the dude's making out with her. And she's. The first time ever woke her nethers up like they're starting to puke out a little water. And like, oh, this is great. And can hear. Hear it like, like the. It's stretching for the first time. It's alive. It's like Frankenstein's beast. But what you didn't count on was this dude's stubble. And 60, 70 year old man. Stubble is awful. Grandpa used to like, my grandpa used to always grab me when I was a kid and when he hadn't shaved for a couple of days and then just start rubbing his stubble on my cheek to like. It was like carpet burn. The dude was. It was awful. And he laughed. I think I was bleeding. So this guy, this old golden bachelor, would start making out with these ladies who hadn't had any action for years, and they'd go into the confessional. They'd be like, this is the best thing I've ever seen in my life. And it looked like they'd just been blowing up latex balloons all day. Their mouths were all like red and he'd been rubbing his rash. They had not been kissed forever and the stubble had torn their lips to shreds. So I loved the original Golden Bachelor because the chicks, like you saw on tv, you watched a woman's dead vagina come to life and they didn't have to have nudity or anything else. But the second that that guy showed and he's kissing 30 or 40 old ladies, which is gross in the first place. But he's like these 60 plus year old ladies who, you know, they're divorced and single for a reason.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, that's changing with Mel Owens.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the new guy, he comes out of the gates like, all right, first and Foremost, don't give me anybody over 60. That's gross. I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa. What? Yeah, he's like 45. 60 is my max. I don't want old ladies. I don't want anybody with fake parts.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't want fake hits automatically out.

[John Holmberg]

He's kidding. He said, I'll bounce them the second I find out they're over 60. And he's like, I'm not doing it. And everybody's kind of like, yeah. All the guys are like, perfect. Why else would you. And the lady's like, I think the quote that I saw, the one lady said, you know, know, people are going to think you're shallow. You're on the Golden Bachelor.

[Brady Bogan]

On top of adding that, you know, they need to be fit.

[John Holmberg]

Yep.

[Brady Bogan]

Because I stay in shape.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, no stuff, no phony parts. I don't want any hip replacements. I don't want any of that nonsense. And wigs, wigs, don't give me that stuff. And the dude just. He's already been picked.

[Brady Bogan]

Is that too demanding? I mean, the, the wig thing. I don't think so.

[John Holmberg]

I don't want somebody whipping their hair off at the end of the night. No, that's if I wore a wig. Men in toupees, this is what's unfair in the world. A man with a toupee, a woman makes fun of, he's a sad, sad man trying to hold on to something. But that weave, a weave or a woman in a wig, that's just the way things go. They're bettering themselves somehow. There's wig stores. If there was a toupee store, there'd be a laugh track standing outside of it with every guy that went inside. You wear a wig as a bald man, you're sad, you wear a wig as a woman. And it's because it's just not fair. The pressures of society to look a certain way.

[Brady Bogan]

Lady contestants. This guy, you know, is a lawyer and a former linebacker for the Los Angeles Rams.

[John Holmberg]

These chicks are loving it. And that's the best part. Old ladies are mad. They're saying he's shallow. And he's like, yeah, I'm on the Golden Bachelor. The reason a 66 year old man goes on TV to have sex with multiple women is not to do it with women who are retirement age.

[Brady Bogan]

I am picking your choice.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he wants their daughters. Yes, exactly. And he picked 45. Like that's 21 years younger than him. Right. You think he wants something? You think he wants. You're already proving his point by Bitching about the first thing he said. I don't want you guys who complained the whole time. Well, you just want some young fun girls. Did you hear yourself? Yeah, exactly. Why would I want some old unfun person who's mad at young women? Of course that's what he wants. He's going on tv, of course.

[Brady Bogan]

Stretch with the producers to begin with to go like 45. Good, good. Oh, we gotta go a little bit higher.

[John Holmberg]

Go lower. Bring him a 28 year old.

[Brady Bogan]

We can't do that.

[John Holmberg]

You gotta mix it in. The golden bachelor has to have a 28 year old mixed in just to watch the women lose it.

[Brady Bogan]

It's interesting where they came up with that figure where they like OK, 45 to 60.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's more.

[Brady Bogan]

I can't.

[John Holmberg]

We'll.

[Brady Bogan]

We'll catch too much.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's more fair to have a male trans athlete in high school sports than it would be to add a 28 year old to the golden bachelor. That is. That is the most unfair balance of all. The 28 year old and these women, even the 45 year olds would be like, I can still compete, but this is pushing it. Especially if she. She's spectacular.

[Brady Bogan]

It's like you're looking over at 28 pieces of coal and one diamond.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's rude. But maybe you're right, I guess. Okay, Brady, I suppose that's something. But no, there'd be other diamonds like the natural. No, no, no. There'd be the big diamond like the hope diamond and then other diamonds and then the ladies in their 60s, then Nicole.

[Brady Bogan]

But if you're throwing the 28 year old, it's not fair.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's completely. It shifts at all. But then what a great TV show. As he has to navigate how he will be seen by the general public because he's gonna lean towards that 28 year old if they're. Cause all the discussion. Don't you want someone to talk to or have something with common interest? What do you know? What do you have in common with a 28 year old? I can think of one thing. You're not gonna like the answer. I want something different. You're gonna like the answer to what I tell you. But I don't like. But the other ones, like they'd have to fight harder and they'd be so mad at her because already the 60 year olds are mad at the 45 year olds. If you can make everybody mad at the 28 year olds. This show just went. It's the number one show on TV. No question. But they can't do it because the dude would guaranteed start leaning into the 28 year old. And then the fights would start, which is better tv, but they'd get lawsuits. Next thing you know, somebody shoving somebody in a pool. You know what happens? You know what happens after that? We end up with slinkies. And then. But he, you know what they've never done on that show?

[Brady Bogan]

Show.

[John Holmberg]

And in fairness to this guy's list of like nobody over 62, nobody with artificial hips, no wigs, none of that. They've never rolled up a wheelchair one. If he said, I don't want to, I don't want a person who can't walk, nobody'd be like, he's being shallow. Dude's got his list. He is shallow. He's going on the Golden Bachelor to find somebody for the last 15 years of his life. He's shallow. He wants something awesome. He don't want to make a mistake. He doesn't want to challenge. He doesn't want to fight with someone. He doesn't want an intellectual equal that's gonna question everything he does. He wants somebody that's fun. And maybe all those things apply after. That's the first and only thing an older dude's looking for. I want someone fun. He dealt with all that crap already. Exactly why he's single in his 66. He already dealt with the one that started to challenge him at every turn. You just don't want a strong woman to challenge you. I don't want anyone to challenge me. I really enjoy just having fun. Why do we have to challenge each other? Well, don't you want to have a deep conversation? No, hardly ever. Like sometimes. But most of the time it's about sports. That's as deep as I really want to get. I can talk about politics. Most of the time it's going to cause a fight. Shallow or not. You don't like a strong woman? No, I do. I like a fun woman first though. And then strong can shoehorn its way in there. Something, something. Check out Hornburg's morning sickness [e-mail] Holmberg's Morning Sickness. You ever ask a woman that. Don't you want a man to just constantly challenge you? No, it makes sense. When they answer it. When we answer it, suddenly we're jerks. That show is going to be great. And this dude's going to be making out with these 60 year old and they're gonna be so mad at the 45 year olds. And then I swear to God, if They break out a 28 year old who's into old dudes. The the oh the the cat fight would comes the Anna Nicole Smith walking out the door so awesome. She's just here for money right? What are you here for attention. You didn't show up for love. You're here for love. You didn't even know the guy. You're here for cameras. But they're mad. They're mad start I don't know but I'm excited about it because this dude came out of the gate hot starting to rattle off what he won't do anybody over 60. I'm bouncing them like first words out of his mouth to in an interview about the new golden bastion. All people want is that thing to be like some sort of precious grandma grandpa falling in love. But you found a an incredibly handsome older man. Incredibly shallow women who are more about their appearance than they are about their personality but they're mad when you point that out out because they're like they're gonna they're not showing up in T shirts and jeans when they get out of that limo. They're gonna be going to a gala and their hair is going to be perfect and their fake cans are going to be up and they're going to tell you don't call me shallow like you're on the Golden Bachelor. Go get kissed and watch your lips turn all you're going to need some carmax because that dude some stubble is going to rip those things. And then that noise old people make when they kiss kiss. I'd like to kiss you. What is that? My vagina's fired up. Oh it's starting to shoot. Water hasn't done that in years. My lips hurt. We have to stop kissing. It's that soft soft horse lips thunder.

[Brady Bogan]

Happens then it missed like the grocery items in the store.

[John Holmberg]

It always takes it back to food. I'm surprised it was vegetables this time but we took that right into the old grocery store. He's grossed out by the old people so he's grossed out by vegetables. Oh it's his correlation. Excellent job. When I think of old people kissing I'm disgusted. It's like being at this grocery store in that weird aisle with those green things. It's like broccoli and then they try to water it down make it out.

[Brady Bogan]

With a prune that reminds me of vegetables.

[John Holmberg]

I do still kind of marvel at that when I'm at the Safeway sometimes. Oh the rainstorm happening things about that I don't know if I get calm if I just like neat. I feel like I'm part of something. You hear. I'm not like 10 aisles over and I hear the thunder and I run to it. I just. If I'm in that aisle and the thunder starts, I'm like, oh, that's cool. And then it rains on them a little bit. I don't know that it does a single thing, because prior to like 10 years ago, grocery stores never had. They never watered down the vegetables. They were just there. Somebody came up with the idea of the Vegas show around the vegetables. And then we're all kind of like, that's fresh. And it's making them fresher. Well, it's laying there still. Anyway, I don't know when the Golden Bachelor starts, but this dude's getting heat already, and I commend him. Tip of the cap. He's calling it what it is. I have two artificial hips. I'm not mad at him. If some lady said, I want a guy who doesn't have artificial hips would be like, okay, I don't blame you, but I'm 100%, sister. You're screwing up.

[Brady Bogan]

You're missing out.

[John Holmberg]

You are. You're gonna have a dude who doesn't have artificial hips. His hips hurt all the time. Minor gold Golden Golden Bachelor. We're watching old people try to bang on TV now. That's our entertainment. And it's great. And again, how shallow did you think he wasn't when he agreed to go on and date 30 women at once for the general public to watch? How shallow are the broads, too? I mean, they're the ones going on there. They're the more shallow of any of them.

[Brady Bogan]

How great is the interview? Oh, it promotes the show.

[John Holmberg]

Like, oh, it's amazing. Great job. This guy says, men don't want deep conversations. We've got jobs. We do that at work. Women never leave their kitchen, so they will never understand. Signed guy from 1950. They're always in the kitchen waiting for more conversation. Why I want a five across the face. You know, many conversations I've had today, I don't need one from you. Why? Why you chin on the idiot box? Uncle Milky's off. Anyway, here's your drink. I just. I love. I love when people try to make the Golden Bachelor. Like the way people actually have deep, meaningful relationships. And then they get mad when a dude calls it what it is. Stop it. Cuz. You just stomped on the unicorn fantasy of all the ladies watching with their deadbeat husbands that they hope someday after that ends that they'll be in their 60s and someone will still love them. But then the dude comes right out on TV and goes, I don't want to touch anything that's over 60 that would make me throw up. Up. And they're like, oh, I hate it.

[Brady Bogan]

I hate it.

[John Holmberg]

He said the thing we all know. I hate it. I hate it. He should be revered. He should be interested in statue. Golden bachelor. Make a big gold statue out of him.

[Brady Bogan]

But wait, you're worth how much exactly?

[John Holmberg]

Changes everything. Because her parts are not 60. She's done a good job of that. She's like, mesa surprise you down there. Just got to dig around a little bit. Brett, what do you got in the big board of musical treats? Wake up Song brought to you by Action Ride Shop. And now is the time to get those bikes ready not only for the trails out there in Hawes, but also the bike parks are open now. So Action Ride Shop's got everything. You get the bike ready to roll or you can get all the gear to hit those bike parks. You know, the full face, helmets, the pads, all the gear you're gonna need. It's all at Action Ride Shop. Brand new location right there on Power Road. McDowell, you got to see this one too. As well as the OG on Gilbert Road and Southern. It is Action Ride Shop. Die Hopkins house. Oh yeah, you should have stopped and seen six miles. They were closed by the time I was. It was like seven o' clock when I there's another seven or eight miles from there. It's far. Oh, it's a long haul. Guy says old ladies are like high school girls when it comes to that. You could tell when a high school girl was making out cuz she'd show up with clown face. Yeah, their lips get all like, like sunburned looking. Hey, what's going on, grandma? Have you been making out? No. Well. Well, we heard it sound like some of the pipes had been banged into and started to spit water a little. Is that. Was that you back there?

[Toledo]

Oh, yeah, I know.

[John Holmberg]

I had my compressor fire up again. Easy. I got moistened up by my new boyfriend, Gary. So he's kissing me and he ripped my lips to shreds like I've been rubbing my face into the Berber. What do you got up there? Finalist Limp Bizkit. Rob Zombie feels so numb for Slink. Slinky. Ludicrous.

[Brady Bogan]

Roll out.

[John Holmberg]

You're done. Mammoth Parkway Drive because they're going to be in town on Tuesday. We're not going to be here. Kill switch. Engage. They're going to be There Dirty Blackstone from Danzig. Escape for the guy leaving Slinky on the stairs from Metallica. Welcome to Planet Mother Effort Rat. You're in love for Brady, Eating Muskrats Cold Chamber 7 Dust and the Union Underground. I like feel some numbers.

[Brady Bogan]

No docking, huh? Dawkins birthday 72. I thought JG might call in or something.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I'm surprised you're not here with cake for everybody. I don't know. JG was off yesterday. Oh, that's celebrating. Maybe he. Yeah, he took the couple days off for the big docking festival. He throws in his bed. It's like other morning shows in this building. There aren't nobody's here. Well, we got a three day weekend. What are we doing wrong? I don't know. We've got a three day weekend next week. So everybody took this week off and next week. I don't get it. Everybody will be here in jeans and T shirts today too. I'm like, is today a holiday? No, next week is. Next week's not a holiday. Although we are taking our vacation. But we're getting ding vacation days. I don't think these people are doing it. I think this whole crappy work from home deal's going on. Well, it is the slump buster down there. So we are in the midst of the slump buster. Ed's leading by the way downstairs in the slump buster.

[Brady Bogan]

Is he really now? It's now a four way top high.

[John Holmberg]

Oh it is?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. There's.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. Who's. Who's the second, third and fourth?

[Brady Bogan]

I think the. Well not second. Thor. Three or four people have two on their leading with.

[John Holmberg]

I think Jill's in there. I think both Jennifers four people that.

[Brady Bogan]

Are tied at the top.

[John Holmberg]

Number one is that 2 of our sales. Four of our salespeople have two fat chicks each. Yes. And they're trying to get out of this slump for the summer. So nice job to Ed, Jill and both the Jennifer and Jennifer for fat people and trying to get out of their slumps because that's what a slump buster is. But our sales department is too dumb.

[Brady Bogan]

To know that Jill got her second one on the board at 2am yesterday.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. Last night she was down at Alchemy 48. I'm in a slump. I'm a slump too. You wanna have to have you wheel me up those stairs. Oh God, it's a slink Susan right away to put her on the board. Yeah, put me on the board. Yeah.

[Toledo]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Slump buster. I got a real good story about my slump buster. I'm still in my bed.

[Toledo]

You win.

[John Holmberg]

It's kind of like our sales department's having the thing that my friend's old fraternity used to have, which was Monday underwear reveal. Or they. Who had the biggest underwear of the weekend? Who Talking about the fraternity. Yeah, the pikes. Idiots. And they would hold up their big underworld and they wouldn't. And you could tell this was legit. And oh, and you also had a store bought. You also had to have a Polaroid of you with that person that's not having sex but like proof that you didn't just go buy giant underwear and then muck it up and then put it up as one of your weeks because you got free beer for the week. I'll take the L on that one. There was a dude, the champion. And then their wall was just covered in fat girl underpants. Another reason not to join a frat. Yeah, I don't know. Why would. Why would you put yourself through that? I. I pay for my beer to not do that. Yeah. Anyway, it feels so numb for the slinkies out there. It's rob zombie. It's 98 KUPD. Brett, your dick. Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect. Still streaming, Homberg's morning sickness online at 98kupd.com ready to go with the Brady Report. I'll wait for you guys to get set. I'm ready. All right. It's time now for the Brady Report. It's brought to you by our friends at all Pro Shade Concepts, Arizona's best patio shades. Get shade in your backyard or your front yard. Put it anywhere you want. They always look good. That's right. What's that? Put a review on. All right. That's right. Yeah. What every man loves to hear someone put it wherever you want. It's your birthday. All Pro Shade Concepts is ready for you. They got the free installation on all the products. Free estimates. If you want to get out there and say, hey, I'm thinking about this, this, and this. They'll give you ideas and everything's custom built right there for you. And by the pros. They've been at this for over 20 years for a reason. They're the best in the business and you need shade. It is Arizona. Shade is great. Add some today. Allprochade.com Brady reported.

[Brady Bogan]

Good Friday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello, world. We've made it.

[John Holmberg]

Hi.

[Brady Bogan]

Happy National Sunglasses Day.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Brady Bogan]

And National Bingo Day.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, all good.

[Brady Bogan]

Couple of basis fun facts. We live closer in time to the Tyrannosaurus Rex Tyrano. What what was I saying though?

[John Holmberg]

Tyrannosaurus. When we made. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Then we do.

[John Holmberg]

Brady, you forgot about me already. Tyronasaurus worked hard to take my little hands and beat your ass. Now sorry, princess. Raw. I'm coming after you and your family. You better run.

[Brady Bogan]

So we live closer in time than the Tyrannosaurus Rex. Than the Tyrannosaurus rex doing that right. Lived to the Stegosaurus.

[John Holmberg]

You made him, Tyron. It's his brother. That's my brother, Tyron. You heard of him? You know what I'm talking about? About Tyrannosaurus Rex.

[Brady Bogan]

Tyrannosaurus.

[John Holmberg]

There it is. Excuse me, Holmes. Yeah, what you need? I'm Tyrannosaurus. This is my brother, Tyrannosaurus. We're not twins or anything, but we look alike. But it's racist when you say it. All Tyrannosaurus rexes don't look alike. We're varying nuances in our appearance. Ain't that right, Brady?

[Brady Bogan]

And when the Stegosaurus got in there, like, there goes the neighborhood.

[John Holmberg]

Stegosaurus better stay on his own turf. I tell you that. That wandering off over here with his tamales. I don't need your craps. They go. I'm gonna buy a hellcat this weekend.

[Brady Bogan]

Every American president in the past century has made at least one international trip during their presidency. With the exception of only one president that did not.

[John Holmberg]

Who?

[Brady Bogan]

Herbie Hoover.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Myron.

[Brady Bogan]

Jeff Bezos, Mark Hamill, Lin manuel Miranda, Rachel McAdams, Fred Durst, Pharrell, Sharon Stone, Jay Leno, Seal and Pink all have what in common?

[John Holmberg]

Well, Pharrell screws up. One of those things. They're all. All celebrities.

[Brady Bogan]

They all worked at McDonald's growing up.

[John Holmberg]

Kamala's not on your list.

[Brady Bogan]

They didn't put her on.

[John Holmberg]

She never worked there. That's why she lied about it. I did. That's right. I was there. Remember that? I was in the drive through handing out fries to anyone that would come through. I remember you handed me fries. Yep. We catered to you. Yes. They're little tiny heads I had to feed you by. It was a beautiful thing. Good person. The Tyrannosauruses love me. I'm big in the community.

[Brady Bogan]

The new summer trend in travel is coolcation.

[John Holmberg]

You've turned into a. You've turned into a fourth grade teacher. A new trend in summer vacations. Is anyone anyone? No coolcations.

[Brady Bogan]

What's A. Skipping the heat and traveling somewhere cool. Cooler. With cooler temps. Like taking the mountains, lakes, Alaska over Hawaii.

[John Holmberg]

Isn't that what we all do? You Try to beat the heat.

[Brady Bogan]

But a lot of people.

[John Holmberg]

Summer beat the heat. You don't go to heat.

[Brady Bogan]

The beaches are crazy in the summer.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, because it's like the cool.

[Brady Bogan]

They're not going to the beaches as much because of the extreme heat.

[John Holmberg]

I get it.

[Brady Bogan]

According to a new report, it takes parents two and a half days to recover from traveling with the family. 71% of the parents say they do need another vacation to recover from their vacation.

[John Holmberg]

Throw one up there, Brett.

[Brady Bogan]

There you go.

[John Holmberg]

Nothing worse than traveling with kids. Especially your own. Yuck. Can't imagine it. That's where he's in. Look, road trips are one of the. I'm sure it's stacked in there. I'm sure a psychiatrist would tell me this is why you never wanted kids is because I never once saw my dad enjoying himself with us. He always seemed tense and like they're ruining everything. You never said it, but I mean.

[Brady Bogan]

Like at what level? Like. Because it definitely is easier when they're in junior high and high school.

[John Holmberg]

It didn't matter.

[Brady Bogan]

Matter. You don't have to, you know, you.

[John Holmberg]

Have to entertain them.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. With the other one. You watch them up too close.

[John Holmberg]

Here's the reason why. He had a daughter that was like a prick. Like my sister was the most unappreciative person ever. She stirred trouble up on every vacation with tears, screaming that she didn't want to do something. And then you had me the time he took the whole family to Disneyland. And I'm like, I think I'm afraid of rides. And I tell him that as we're walking in. I'm like I'm not going to ride any of these. And it was like I can't leave some 11 year old standing alone. Although he could have. It was a better time. And he stood outside with me and he missed all of Disneyland because of my dumbass. I owe my dad a trip to Disneyland.

[Brady Bogan]

There you go.

[John Holmberg]

I. I'm for. I'm gonna call him today and say, you know what buddy?

[Brady Bogan]

And bring high yellow.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, bring. Oh, I gotta meet Hyella. I am taking dad to Disneyland because I ruined and give bread a. He had. And he would never say this. He had the worst time at Disneyland ever because his gay son wouldn't get on any of the rides and all he wanted to do is shop for Mickey stuff. I was like 11 years. I was too old for that. You don't want to get on any of the rides? No. Not one. No. And my mom and sister running all over. And then a couple of rides that had long lines. My mom's like, I'll sit with John. He's like, well, now I got to stand in line for 45 minutes. I owe my dad one trip to Disneyland. Okay, there's an accurate portrayal of Tyrona Sarvis Rex up on that screen. It's a Tyrone. I'm all bent down, I'm laughing and I got an afro. I think you got drafted in the NBA. That's right. I was picked by the Phoenix Suns. That's my big afro. I look good, I'm tall, I can block shots and I'm athletic. My brother Tyron did not get drafted. He's going to Italy. He's a free agent agent. Tyrannosaurus and Tyronasaurus. You've missed twice and it's beautiful both times. Tyrannosaurus. Overrated being correct is dumb. Been saying that for years on this show. Totally agree, man. It's so much better to be all over the map.

[Brady Bogan]

There's where the nickname comes in for me. T Rex.

[John Holmberg]

People call you that?

[Brady Bogan]

No, that. Saying that instead of saying the whole name.

[John Holmberg]

Do you want us to call you T Rex? Was that just a real passive aggressive. That's why people call me T Rex. You guys can do it anytime you want.

[Brady Bogan]

This 28 year old Florida deputy named Justin Register from Polk county sheriff's office resigned on Wednesday after he was caught stealing cash during a traffic stop. It arrested a driver for not having a valid driver's license. Took the guy's wallet and phone, put it in the patrol car's trunk for whatever reason. And two other cops showed up and saw Register returning to the guy the car's trunk multiple times. Eventually Register returned the driver's belongings. But the driver said he was missing 300 in cash. Everyone started looking for it. That's when Register went back to the truck trunk, opened up a rifle bag and pulled out some folded cash and said, oh, here it is.

[John Holmberg]

I found it. Who knew?

[Brady Bogan]

So Sheriff Grady, we had to fire him. There's a picture of Justin Register and you wonder how many times that had happened.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe this dude looks like a guy who just got caught doing something. Oh, guilty. Yeah, he's completely got guilty. For he's white frat boy protected guilty face. He was singing the pike theme song when he was the pikes. We get away with everything. What I didn't know. I don't know where it is.

[Brady Bogan]

And now you a pike.

[John Holmberg]

You were also right. And I always tease that. Did you guys. I've asked that before. Did you guys do the Dancing and the singing. Every room you went into. Or were they? So they're not all dicks?

[Brady Bogan]

No. Well, I'm sure there's songs there's a good portion of.

[John Holmberg]

There's a good portion of my fraternity that were dicks. Including myself at that time, probably. There may be nothing worse than witnessing your friends bragging about.

[Brady Bogan]

We're in letters, bro.

[John Holmberg]

Intramural championships. Yeah. Especially during Greek Week. You're not wearing your letters. You're not wearing your letters. If we would go out to the bars as a group, we would be loud. Yeah, we're the intramural championship. What does that mean?

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, my God.

[John Holmberg]

We wasted the other.

[Brady Bogan]

We dominate.

[John Holmberg]

We're known as the athletic frat. We were the pan Athletic champs is what we were. Because, you know, the college has, like, its own sporting teams. You guys.

[Brady Bogan]

Not the intramural ones.

[John Holmberg]

You guys playing in the park is just a bunch of kids who didn't make it. That's like me.

[Brady Bogan]

Whatever. How did your intramural team do, man?

[John Holmberg]

I don't have one because I'm an adult loser. Because I stopped doing intramural teams when I was 11 or 12.

[Brady Bogan]

And we're a football man.

[John Holmberg]

Because we're going to go play some football. Count it.

[Brady Bogan]

Won the championship three times.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, dude, they brought a truck. Softball. Yeah, I think we got track. Also, my idiot pike friends brought a football or a trophy for their intramural football championship on. On Mill Avenue. And we're marching it up and down Mill Avenue, singing some stupid hookah song. Hookah. The pike, the pike. And I'm like, I do not want to hang out with the university.

[Brady Bogan]

Had a big trophy for the intramural champ on.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, all the. All the. All the Greek.

[Brady Bogan]

There's a huge cup.

[John Holmberg]

It was about something. Something. Check out Hornberg's morning sickness [e-mail] Holmberg's Morning Sickness. The Greek system ended up being kind of dicks, too. They each want everyone who won it.

[Toledo]

Tried to kick in to make it.

[John Holmberg]

Bigger, so it ended up being bigger. The Stanley cup sounds douche. The good thing is 100. And what we've learned this week is that it's better to be an intramural athlete at Ohio State than an actual one, because you won't get. Oh, my God.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, yeah, a lot less trauma.

[John Holmberg]

He might have raped a few of them.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, well, he was in the general.

[John Holmberg]

Pop 2,800 cases, so he probably did rape one of the intramural superstars.

[Brady Bogan]

Researchers. Oh, and now it's time for some science news.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, all right.

[Brady Bogan]

Hello, my friends, Professor Brady Bogan here with your science news recent research.

[John Holmberg]

Toledo, I just got an email from your frat buddy. Yeah. Why does Toledo say he was a pike? He was with me in the soy Beta Betas. That's my son. You were a soy beta boy. Soycock Beta beta.

[Brady Bogan]

Researchers in China announced a new way to treat sinus infections. Instead of antibiotics, you'll be able to shoot an army of tiny robots up your nose.

[John Holmberg]

I'm in. I have sinus infections constantly.

[Brady Bogan]

The latest nanobot technology. These microbots, because they're microbots assembled.

[John Holmberg]

You.

[Brady Bogan]

Need a microscope to be able to see them.

[John Holmberg]

There's a very small in the micro.

[Brady Bogan]

Smaller than a speck of dust, way thinner than a human hair. And they are programmed to wipe out bacteria.

[John Holmberg]

Sweet.

[Brady Bogan]

They shoot them up your nose. They swarm tiny nanobots going, where do.

[John Holmberg]

I guinea pig for this?

[Brady Bogan]

Clear out your sinuses.

[John Holmberg]

My sinuses have yours too. You're right now. Well, you got. Is it out. Do you get infections too, Brett? A little bit. Not. Not as much. I just get. I get them the second I start feeling that, I'm like, I'm infected. Trouble. And I know exactly what to do. I go get a steroid. I tell the guy, I told you that When I went into the urgent care and said, got a sinus infection coming on. I need a steroid and antibiotic. And he goes, you seem to know more than I do. And I'm like, yep. And he gave me the medicine and left. And I just. I dropped 70 bucks cash on the counter because no one would. I felt guilty. Just get. And I got my prescription. I gave him $70 because I felt like it was illegal to just get the prescription from a guy for free.

[Brady Bogan]

So they've tested it out on animals so far, and it's been very effective. They said they gotta wait on approval because not only could it treat sinus, but it could also treat bladder infections.

[John Holmberg]

Beautiful.

[Brady Bogan]

In humans, but you're looking at five years.

[John Holmberg]

Not me. Where do I guinea pig? I'll get it on this thing. I'll be. A clinical trial, I believe they call it. By all means. And it affects everything. Throat. Oh, it's a disaster. Sinus infection, which is the worst.

[Brady Bogan]

China also unveiled a new spy drone that's the size of a mosquito. The US has smaller bug sized drones, but not quite as small as a mosquito.

[John Holmberg]

That's real. What you're saying is real happening now.

[Brady Bogan]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

We have bug drones.

[Brady Bogan]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

And they just invented smaller than bug drums.

[Brady Bogan]

Mosquito.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That's pretty small. Not one of those big fat ones.

[Brady Bogan]

You can see we have cockroaches.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know what's going to happen here in the next 10 years. But it's not good. There's not a lot good going on. Wait a minute. You just said you'd sign up for it. Nanobots. That's the healthy thing. Then we can start flying them around and looking at you. Well, we don't have a chance. If the cameras. We can't see them and they can fly in our homes and stuff. We're done. They might be happening now. We wouldn't even know.

[Brady Bogan]

Couple things in the moon just start waving.

[John Holmberg]

Stop jerking off so much by the way. And don't poop in the shower power anymore. Freaks. They don't Waffle Stomp China's watch. Maybe that's what all those religious people always feel like they're being watched. It's not God, It's China. That's my favorite. I should work for an advertising agency. It's not God, it's China. Call Louis right now. Never mind.

[Brady Bogan]

A study found that when we build a base up on the moon that astronauts inhale a little moon dust every now and then. It's no big deal. Deal? They say it's less toxic than the polluted air we breathe on Earth.

[John Holmberg]

I'm going to tell you it is a big deal. Because it means his mask is open. He's got bigger problems than moon dust. That's a great point. That he should not be at all in contact with moon dust.

[Brady Bogan]

Also, there's still a 4.4percent chance of that big asteroid hitting the Moon in 2032. If it does. A study found that the debris would create a spectacular meteor shower.

[John Holmberg]

Cool.

[Brady Bogan]

It'd be fun to watch. But the downside is it could take out a lot of satellites.

[John Holmberg]

That's a downside? Yeah.

[Toledo]

We got too many up there anyway.

[John Holmberg]

We do have a lot.

[Brady Bogan]

A study found in Ocean News. A study found that sea slugs can eat algae and absorb its ability to turn sunlight into energy. Energy. So they basically have built in solar panels.

[John Holmberg]

Cool.

[Brady Bogan]

Instead of digesting the algae, they store it in their bodies to gain the photosynthesis as a trait. So if they're starving, they can survive on the sunlight alone.

[John Holmberg]

Cool. Got an email from a guy named Mike Jones.

[Brady Bogan]

Mike Jones?

[John Holmberg]

Jewburg. Yeah. I'm getting used to it. It says you don't need nanobots. You could fit Optimus prime up that schnauzer. I am here to fight your sinus infection. I am Optimus Prime.

[Brady Bogan]

And in painkiller news, chemists in Scotland managed to turn plastic into Tylenol.

[John Holmberg]

Did you hear that, John? Scotland has chemists. Yeah, I can imagine. We were not busy making meth or turning heroin to good hair heroin. We decided to take bottles of arrowhead water and make them aspirin. We can turn anything into drugs, but it's exactly right. We tested it on 12 teenagers in that one turned homo. They all had no headaches and all of them were straight as an error. Real man. Nay, one homo. Scotland Science.

[Brady Bogan]

And. And that's your science news.

[John Holmberg]

That's the last place I'd ever turn for that. We turned to some Scottish scientists. Well, that was your first mistake. What you expect me to do? Rub it around in some Scottish mud? Nay, nay and yuld nay make my boy a homo.

[Brady Bogan]

Finally, in Asbury Park, New Jersey, a lifeguard was impaled by a beach umbrella. Umbrella. On Wednesday. I mean, she was spiking it in the ground. She lost her balance, spikes it into.

[John Holmberg]

Herself, turned it over.

[Brady Bogan]

It flipped over. Yeah. And it went through her back or went through the front of her shoulder and through her back. It's like underneath the armpit, kind of like right into the side there.

[John Holmberg]

Doing like a javelin run or some sort of a pole vault with it.

[Brady Bogan]

Evidently she stepped up on a little bench.

[John Holmberg]

She was high up.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So she got to the top of it and slid down through her arm.

[Brady Bogan]

She survived.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, but her husband's not going to marry her anymore. Cuz we all know why she's a Slinky now. Damn it. I didn't have the. Oh, there it is.

[Brady Bogan]

I got a couple quick videos. First one's a truck passing under a traffic light. The guy's in a cherry picker, working on the light.

[John Holmberg]

Hold on. Controversial, Brady. You're not doing the first one. Oh, oh, yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Yes, the. The milking of the cow here in India.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Oh, my God. This lady is sucking the teeth of an Indian cow. Yeah, she's siphoning. She's siphoning the gas.

[Brady Bogan]

Really take care of the friends, too. But she's grabbing the other.

[John Holmberg]

She's like behind the green door. She's got one in her mouth and two in her hands. He's the home bird of Mumbai.

[Brady Bogan]

He's the Indian conspiracy theorist about that guy.

[John Holmberg]

And he's Alex Jones, Indian Joe Rogan, or what they make the cows get.

[Brady Bogan]

Next one's the truck going under there.

[John Holmberg]

All right, got a cherry picker and it's up, guys.

[Brady Bogan]

Working on the traffic.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, here comes the semi truck and just takes out the. The carriage of the cherry picker. Wow. He's just hanging there upside down, but he's got for the safety harness. He's rattled.

[Brady Bogan]

It looked like Arizona at first.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he gets. He gets peppered there. Oof.

[Brady Bogan]

He saw it coming.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I think he pepper passed out before the truck actually banged into the cherry picker. Well, that's just. That's just poor use of cones. I think you're gonna have a cherry picker hanging over the signs. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Why are your cones.

[John Holmberg]

So your cones are just protecting the truck on the side, not the guy in the. In the basket. Wow.

[Brady Bogan]

And maybe you've seen this one, but have you seen the Martin Cove the bike interview?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, the girl that got mad at him. Yeah. And it's 100 up to her if she wants. Wants to body cam.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I'd like to understand why you did that. I'm really. I apologize. I was just playing because we're very playful together and I bit down too hard and I meant to just got a mouth mark on her.

[Brady Bogan]

I know.

[John Holmberg]

No, we do not play like that. I. I was. No, I apologize. No, I am really pissed. You have left a mark on my body, which in your 80 year old brain, you think is play. So why can you bash him for how old he is? Is that how people treated you when you were a child? You yelled at him. What happened to young people just going, all right, Dick, you're a jerk. And then moving on. You gotta make this big display. You gotta tell him. Cause he's 80. TMZ. Yeah, you're gonna get those clicks. Oh, God. Just looked up and saw screen. Yeah. And it is. It's like. But she didn't even film it. It's a. It's a cops body cam. Martin Cove is eight and you're like in your 80 year old brain, it's like, no, he's not assaulted. Like, you're not a victim of anything more than an old man doing something dumb. If you want to like get mad at him and like get him fired, that's fine. But calling the cops and you're not damaged. Your life's fine. She's acting like she'll never be able to go on. You left a mark on my body.

[Brady Bogan]

At the end of it all, no charges.

[John Holmberg]

And at the end of it all, no damage. An old man did something weird. Martin Cove will never work again for the this. But it's not because you went like the 80.

[Toledo]

How many more jobs does he have left?

[John Holmberg]

He didn't have any good jobs anyway.

[Brady Bogan]

Thank you. This was the last season.

[John Holmberg]

I was going to do anything with you anyway. What? What? Were you raised in a ditch? Yes, I was. Yes. And you know what? You're making me happy. I. You just shut up.

[Brady Bogan]

Last one's for Brett Pizza night.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, look at this pig. Good Lord. This lady is taking her big, fat, doughy gut, put it on a table. She's flowering it up. Now she's doing a rolling pin over. Over the fat like it's dough. She is so gross. And her stomach is on this table. Okay, that's it. Thank God. All right. I'm glad this one ended.

[Brady Bogan]

Afternoons.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, this is a Brady video. That is definitely what Brady's mentioning. There she is. The midday girl at most classic rock stations. Hey, everybody, it's frontbot here. I'm gonna do a little pizza surprise for the actor. Afternoons. Front butt. Just so happy to be on the air there. Tummy all flowered up. Who wants to come down and find the wet spot? Front butt on KLAX or Smart Chat? Gross.

[Brady Bogan]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

You're so fat, you look at your own stomach and say, that looks like uncooked pizza. Do something.

[Brady Bogan]

That'll be a funny video.

[John Holmberg]

Don't celebrate it. Do something about it. Where is our shame? Oh, they got a big wrench or something. All right. Yes. All right. We'll have a little fun with vegetables. Are we doing it again? Oh, it's a lady with a cucumber in her vagina.

[Toledo]

Vagina.

[John Holmberg]

Very sexy, too, by the way. Very pretty girl. I missed it. Show me again. Oh, she fires it out. Is that her butt?

[Brady Bogan]

It's a pickle gun.

[John Holmberg]

I showed you again. I can't tell where that is. I can't either. 2. I think it might be 1.

[Brady Bogan]

It is.

[John Holmberg]

But no, that's not her butt. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He knows. Okay, that's not vegetables. And he's out there. I don't think so. Three, two. That's her butt. One. Yeah, cuz, right? Oh. Oh, no. I see the other thing, but I think she's got. I think she's got a. Yeah, okay, that's enough. All right, all right. Three. All right. Two, Two. One. Oh. Anyway, that thing goes about eight feet. It's a good shot. Lady. Women. You should practice that at home. There we go.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, God. This guy's. Here's a. Starts off with just a still shot of penis and testicles with about. It's cinched up. There's probably 20 to 30 of those acupuncture needles in the tip of the penis. And then there's this bolt in the urethra. And he is now slowly removing all the pins. This is like those magic tricks when they have the cut the girl in half stuff. And then you take him out. It's blood is pouring out of the thing, and he's got seven or eight left here, and we're still yanking those out. There's no noise. This guy didn't do any additional. And then there's something cinching off the scrotum. And then there's also something cinching off the penis, like a hair tie. And he's got a bolt in the urethra. That's where that ends the first. First time. Wow.

[Brady Bogan]

Is that like a leg stop on the bottom of a table? You know, you put it in there.

[John Holmberg]

Honest.

[Brady Bogan]

On the patio.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. It looks like. Yeah, look like. Yeah. To level it. To level. It'll level as you read through it. Okay. Oof. That's off to a bit of a gross. Here's a penis with a. Like, some sort of weird light going in. He's sounding a. Looks like a fluorescent light of some sort into his penis, and it's glowing. Glowing. This is actually really neat. Oh, it's got a fluorescent light in his chunk, and he's pushed it all the way down. So it's. That's absolutely. I want to try that. I'm not gonna lie. I've been. I've been influenced, but I didn't see that coming. And then when he pulled the light out, it was evidently very. Felt great, and he finished. I didn't. I didn't expect that. His little black gloves to make the optical illusion. Just a penis in the light. I didn't see that until the end. He's evidently giving it a tug while the light was in it. This one. I. I want to try that. I want to make my wiener glow. Like, that's neat. This one. Bailey said this one. John needs to just let the song play and commentate afterwards. Okay. This made me laugh for 20 minutes. Now I think I'm gay. Oh, I don't like the. All right, right. Well, you got it, then. We'll just let it go. Now I'm thinking, am I gay? Am I? And this is basically what it is. It's just a bunch of gay sex. I'm not looking at that. Listening to a Creed parody song.

[Brady Bogan]

It's not 20 minutes of laughter, idiot.

[John Holmberg]

All right, here's some construction work for you oh, my God. A guy's got his. Oh, just wait. His pee is out. It's on a 2x4. And he's gotten. He's driving nails into the penis on top of the board. Oh, and that's a small, little. Oh, he's got his. Oh, he's got his penis tied to that board. And he's got a third, 34 inch nail into the head through the wood. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. They're out there. Brady, quick reminder, quick reminder. That's happening right now somewhere in this. And here we go. The trend continues. Oh, my God. All right, what's this? Naked lady. All right, I don't know what she just said, and I'm not gonna listen to her. She's. Oh, she's scraping off something a man's finished on her face. I guess she's putting it on a plate. That's a lot. Wow. That's a scrambled eg of scrambled eggs worth. Oh, here she goes. She's breaking out the dollar. He's snorting it. Nanobots.

[Toledo]

Wash all your money today.

[John Holmberg]

What if that's how you had to take the nanobots? But it's a guaranteed cure. Oh, man. Oh, she started the gag because it goes. It does that booger thing, the snot on the back of your throat. Who raised you? What? She won't stop. She's cleaning her plate. Well, you know what? In a weird way, she was raised right because she still has her mother's voice in the back of her head saying, there's plenty of kids in China who don't get this on their meals. You clean that plate, don't you? That is. Let's watch again. That is. The decorator was there. Wow. Yeah. Her boyfriend is healthy. There's two. Yeah, there's a lot. Still got in her eyelashes, too.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, got me.

[John Holmberg]

The sound is great. She will clean that plate. She's like. She reminds me. This is what Brady looks like at Cracker Barrel because I had played is getting cleaned. Wow. How about just imagine going to her house for dinner and they serve on those plates. It's weird. Yeah. And then you. Does the dishwasher. Get that done. The. The crazy part of that is she's. She's pretty. She looks like she's keeping herself in shape. She realizes what society demands of her as a person to visually look appealing. And then that.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Like she falls off the cliff. At a certain point, you're like, what?

[Brady Bogan]

What?

[John Holmberg]

But I have to tell you this. If I was ever with a girl and we're Having a good time. And she goes, watch this. N. I'm not finding that disgusting. For some reason, when she does that in front of me, I'm like, wow, you're special. Absolutely. You're. You're different than the rest of them. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Did you expect that?

[John Holmberg]

No problems. No, I did not expect that. You're gonna need some Mucinex. The little green guy comes out the snot.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

E.J. miller. Oh, my God. Can I just. Can I watch that one more time? Brad. Oh, hang on.

[Brady Bogan]

Come on.

[John Holmberg]

I just need. I just. She's a special gal, and I think we're all grossed out because it's not our brew. Yeah, that's. That's just because we like when they get dirty. And that's just a girl who's like, y' all do anything? Like, she's up for whatever. So long as it's not that way all the time. Like, that's just a special. But, I mean, she's doing it on a camera, so she's probably got extra. What won't she do? Oh, my God. This dude. I mean, he is just. It's insane. And she's British. She scrapes it off like. Like a credit card or something, Right? What is that? That's right. It sure is. Oh, my God. And you just imagine what's going on next. She's just hungry. Brady is nauseous. Over here. It sounds like the gold golden bachelor kiss. Enough. God, the sound effects are great. I'm waiting for that big THX thing that you see at the movie theater. Oh, the Dolby. Yeah. I just. Man. Wow. And we'll just end there. But in reality, it's gross. Unless it's happening to you. I call that the Danny A. Thing syndrome. Huh? You hated him. Unless he was on your team. He's the worst thing you've ever seen. You finally was playing for your team. You finally did it, boys. Threw up on my mouth. Still dry heaving. We didn't do it. We didn't do it. Yeah, I guess I'll modernize it. Called the Dylan Brooks. He hated it. That's gross. Till he's wearing your uniform. Then you're like, my chick will do it. Anything. I think I. That's kind of cool. All right, There you go. Who's coming in? Duncan Trussell. Duncan Trussell will be. And Maddie K's bringing him in. Okay. Oh, beautiful. All right. Oh, Matt's with him today. Okay. Duncan Truss will join us in just a little bit. There goes your Brady Report. It's 98 Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully ere still streaming. Homberg's Morning sickness [e-mail] makes me happy. Would you bring Duncan Trussell's here? But my God. You need a better class of friends, Duncan.

[Toledo]

I know. I'm working on it. It's hard, man. That's what you get on Grindr.

[John Holmberg]

Coleman's on Grindr. Yeah, well, he's the only one left. He's a museum. Duncan Trussell's at the Tempe Improv tonight and tomorrow. If you to go 10pmprov.com you know, Duncan from you've been a Rogan show a billion and a half.

[Toledo]

Billion and a half times.

[John Holmberg]

Just to get this out of the way, are you familiar with anything? This Liver King guy that's trying to kill Joe.

[Toledo]

Oh, my God. Yeah, you know, I don't know too. I don't know the details. It's just one of those moments where it just popped up on my feed. Yeah, Liver King stalking Rogan. It's one of those moments.

[Brady Bogan]

He doesn't want to kill me. He wants to fight him.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I think he wants to kill him too. I don't think that guy has lines. He draws where he just wants to stand over you for a ten count.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Pretty sure he's.

[Brady Bogan]

There's a crazy element.

[John Holmberg]

Have you talked to Joe about it at all?

[Toledo]

No. You know, I did not want to add to the pylon of hex he must be getting. It's like if you're getting stalked by the Liver King, you just want to forget about. You don't want to think about that. You don't need all your friends. Like the Liver King's going to kill you, man.

[Brady Bogan]

And you're out wherever and I just saw the Liver King.

[John Holmberg]

You want to breathe.

[Toledo]

It's like a bad dream.

[John Holmberg]

It's just the simulation is so destroyed that we. We are now adult men in our early 50s talking about, you think Joe's going to get killed by the Liver King?

[Toledo]

Yeah, there's a Liver King. There's shit. That's how you know you're in the wrong timeline.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Liver King was delivering something crossed over, and I got lost. And then there's a dude named Liver King that I actually am familiar with and can discuss with other people. Oh, people know and not have to explain it.

[Toledo]

Yeah, it's wild. And he's staying at the Four Seasons.

[John Holmberg]

Nice places just waiting.

[Toledo]

The poor Four Seasons, though, man, they've got the Liver King nesting in there. They're not gonna get him out.

[John Holmberg]

Impossible.

[Brady Bogan]

He's got to bring his own food in.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah. That's so strange and such a weird thing. And Joe's surrounded by all that stuff. I don't think he ever expected the success he's got. Joe Rogan. Like, what. From what he's gotten it from. You know what I mean?

[Toledo]

I don't think anybody thought that podcasting.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Toledo]

Would become what it is. Like, I think that. Yeah. How could you expect.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Toledo]

That, like, having stoner conversations with your friends would eventually lead to presidential candidates.

[John Holmberg]

Buying that kind of importance.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That lays on you accidentally. It's so weird. It's really weird. And you're part of it.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You're over there a lot. You're in. You're in the mix. You're in the mothership, and it's like you're just. You're kind of a satellite to the whole thing. Does it feel that way with you? Is it different there than everywhere else?

[Toledo]

Well, I mean, it's a great club.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

And, I mean, I. You know, if you were on the outside hearing about it, it might seem like something completely unlike what it is, which it's. It's just a great comedy club. It's exactly the same green room you run into wherever there's green rooms and comics. Nothing that different other than. And, like, every once in a while, someone will show up who is, like, one of the people leaking UAP stuff. You know what I mean? Every once in a while, one of his guests shows up who, like, has probably has actual alien footage on their phone.

[John Holmberg]

It's you, Pete Holmes, and a dude who thinks he. And actually can prove he's talked to.

[Toledo]

Aliens, who probably has. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It's just weird to me. And then. Yeah. And I just find that fascinating to me when you. When. When you just go about your business, being a comedian, and comedians run that fine line of being philosophers and just jackasses.

[Toledo]

Well, yeah. And, you know, I think a quality of being a jackass is that if someone says, you're a philosopher, you better watch out, because you'll believe it. You want to be a philosopher, but you're a jackass. Every jackass thinks they're a philosopher. I hate the comedians as philosopher thing, because if you. I don't know how much time you spend with philosophy, but anytime I've tried.

[John Holmberg]

To crack open, like, Marcus Aurelius or something.

[Toledo]

Heidegger. Like, some kind of hardcore philosophy, that's what I realized. Oh, I'm a.

[John Holmberg]

You're a jackass. I do the same thing.

[Toledo]

No idea what he said.

[John Holmberg]

I was a philosophy major in college for a little bit before I realized, oh, I'm a jackass. This isn't for me. This does nothing. I'm just gonna quote these people. That's the only thing I'm capable of.

[Toledo]

Yeah. And that's part of being a jackass.

[Brady Bogan]

We're very good at quoting.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. We remember dumb stuff other people said, and we make it our twist. Yes. That's jackassery. You're not smarter because you can quote it.

[Toledo]

You got it. Yeah. And, you know, so. But that is a problem. Is like, it's easy to. You know, I read this. I don't know how true this is, but supposedly there's a practice in medieval Europe where the fool, the king's fool, they would let him be a king for a day. And. And they loved doing this. And he could actually be the king. So he would sit on the throne, wear the crown. And the funniest part of it was, by the middle of the day, he would start taking himself seriously, like he was actually the king.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

They love watching that happen. Because you're a fool, but because you're a fool, you think you're a king just because you're sitting there. So this, to me, is like when. Whenever people bitch about comedians going on some crusade or trying to save the earth and whatever, but it's like, you don't understand. They just started to believe what people were saying to them online. Rogan's avoided that. And I think that's part of why he's having so much success, is because he maintains that he's just a comic.

[John Holmberg]

He's a curious jackass.

[Toledo]

Yeah, that's it.

[John Holmberg]

That's the difference.

[Brady Bogan]

And it looks like he entertains also both sides. Sides of the. A little bit. Like on, you know, here's someone that oppose this.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

The other side. And kind of.

[John Holmberg]

He's on. He's on left and right.

[Brady Bogan]

A lot of times I see on.

[John Holmberg]

He'll dance, which is good.

[Toledo]

What's good? What's funny, inevitably, is one side or another will, like, lay claim to him.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Toledo]

And then inevitably, they'll have to reject him because he will say things that fly in the face of what they want him to say. And that's really cool. I think that's really cool. Because, God, it would be really easy to just say what you think people want you to say.

[John Holmberg]

Yes.

[Toledo]

But if you do that, you're.

[John Holmberg]

I've been doing it. I've been doing it for 25 years. It's been a fantastic way to make money. And, yes, that's a brilliant thing. What do you want me to say? And I'm going to do it.

[Toledo]

Whatever you want.

[John Holmberg]

I'll say, man, do it.

[Toledo]

It's different because you're doing ads and stuff, but, you know, the difference between a politician and an entertainer is a politician, like, saying things to push some agenda, whereas we're just trying to make.

[John Holmberg]

People laugh, trying to dick around. Yeah, yeah, I'm fine with that. You've got your own podcast.

[Toledo]

That's right.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. You've been doing that for a while.

[Toledo]

Yeah. I started podcasting when you would have to explain to someone what the hell it was and when in. When there was ipods, you know where that's what you would listen to.

[John Holmberg]

But people forget. That's why it's called that.

[Toledo]

That's right. No one even knows.

[John Holmberg]

No one even knows why it's a podcast. Because it was on. On the ipod first.

[Toledo]

Yeah. And we didn't think this would go anywhere. It was just fun. We would open up the laptop, turn on the recorder on the laptop, invite people over. The sound was shit. Uploaded to.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's all right. It's terrestrial. That's where we're all. We're fine. You forgot where you were.

[Toledo]

I am so sorry.

[John Holmberg]

Don't worry about it.

[Toledo]

That's.

[John Holmberg]

I pay fines.

[Toledo]

That's how amazing you are. So I just cost you.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no, no, no, I'm kidding. No, I'll cost myself plenty of money. Don't you worry about it. I do it all my own.

[Toledo]

Yeah, but we would upload it to. At the time, it was. I think it still exists. Libsyn. And then suddenly people started watching it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

Or listening to it. And that, like. And by listening, it would be like, 800 people.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

And it's like, whoa. 800 people listen to us. That's crazy. But we never, ever.

[John Holmberg]

Crazier part. This show has a podcast that goes out after. After. We're doing very well in Africa. I still can't wrap my head around that.

[Toledo]

That is the strangest thing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Djibouti. We're the number two podcast in Djibouti. What's up, Djibouti? What's up, Djibouti? Don't say, what's up, Djibouti? You'll get the wrong answers you don't want. That is not something I've learned the hard way. Duncan. I'll tell you right away.

[Brady Bogan]

Everyone jumps into that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Just Say, what's up? Cameroon. Start there. And then we'll. We'll work our way back to the tougher questions.

[Brady Bogan]

You're gonna get grinder results.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. Duncan Trussell is at the 10pm Prov tonight and tomorrow, 10pmprov.com of course, you were introduced to us in the room by a matt who runs the club by saying, hi, John. How are you? Duncan only has one nut.

[Toledo]

Yeah. What was that?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that was a. That was not. That is not an opener. That's not how I. You know, that's. If we're a blind date. Not necessarily. I'll let you tell me.

[Toledo]

I have to be honest. That is the first sentence of my bio on blind.

[John Holmberg]

Nut.

[Toledo]

That's why he reached out to me. That's why he gave me spot Gods.

[John Holmberg]

You have one nut because of cancer, and you got better.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

I mean, if you. If you have to pick the type of cancer to get, that's a good one. Testicular cancer is pretty good.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. All right. I'll keep that in mind.

[Toledo]

Yeah. If you ever are given that choice.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

But doctors often ask me, would you like one on the way out? I'm like, sure.

[Toledo]

Very treatable. You just cut off the offensive nut.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And was yours.

[Brady Bogan]

That's it, too.

[John Holmberg]

How long did you ignore it? Are you a doctor guy? Because I know I was. Would have testicular cancer for probably a year before anybody else would confirm it.

[Toledo]

Well, so. Yeah, exactly. So that is what's so sad about it. Like, is that it's so treatable and because it's your precious.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

Balls.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you just did.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You're fine. Most of the stuff you're good on.

[Toledo]

You know, you don't want to imagine that, you know, the grim reaper is living in one of your balls, and so you ignore. You hope it goes away. And so I ignored it. I don't know the exact amount of.

[Brady Bogan]

Time you were actually told that you had cancer. And you're, like.

[Toledo]

By the Internet, you know, you put in symptoms on the Internet for most things, and I'm like, oh, yeah, you have cancer, but. But you can always find a way out. This. I really. It was, like, universally like, how'd you.

[John Holmberg]

Find it messing around down there? And you felt bubble.

[Toledo]

I was messing around.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It was. You solo or somebody else?

[Toledo]

No, this was. You know, this is before. Only fans, you know, only nuts.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

Believe it or not, I was doing great. And, you know, this is sort of like if you're in the wrong lane, the universe tells you I guess so. You know, I was, like, posing for one of my fans and. And who happened to be a doctor. He's like, you probably should get that checked out.

[John Holmberg]

I hope this isn't real.

[Toledo]

It's not real.

[John Holmberg]

I was gonna say thank God, because there's a part of me that wants to believe it is.

[Brady Bogan]

Kind of was buying it.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I wasn't buying it so much as I was just, like, wishing it were true. This fever dream I've had about Duncan.

[Brady Bogan]

Trussell for a long time a little bit further along.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I was like, man, I kind of want this to be a reality. That that's how you get discovered, because that's better than going to the doctor.

[Brady Bogan]

By so many videos that we've seen.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't.

[John Holmberg]

That's true. I often think that I have something, and then the next day it's gone and I'm cured.

[Toledo]

And so that is what you're hoping for, and then you ignore it. But when you get testicular cancer, this is the type of phone call you get from your friends. I'm so sorry, man. I'm sorry to hear that. So what a. What were the symptoms?

[John Holmberg]

Everybody knows they're not thinking about you half a second. They're thinking about you. What about me? Do I have that, too? Where do I feel? Duncan, come. Come here.

[Brady Bogan]

Is your crank shooting blood?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

Prostate cancer.

[John Holmberg]

Don't be careful with that.

[Toledo]

But yeah. So good news to everyone listening right now and holding their balls.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

It was not ignored. Horrible, man. One of them got so swollen.

[John Holmberg]

Really?

[Toledo]

Yeah. And. And, you know, honestly, like, that was awesome.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

To have, like, a giant ball. Like, it was like, wow, this looks so cool.

[John Holmberg]

Did you use it when it was inflated? Did I use it like, you know, did you show it off?

[Toledo]

I was used for it. As I mentioned before about my.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[Toledo]

Business.

[John Holmberg]

It did.

[Toledo]

My numbers went exponentially up.

[John Holmberg]

Did you notice after you had it removed, your numbers dropped again? People lost interest.

[Toledo]

I. They actually canceled my account. You have to have. In the CEO terms of service, you have to have, like, two. It's.

[John Holmberg]

Well, there. You did it again.

[Toledo]

You made me feel like I'm on a podcast. I will not.

[John Holmberg]

On the.

[Toledo]

When I do radio. Radio, I don't do that.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's okay.

[Toledo]

I'm sorry.

[John Holmberg]

It's a compliment. It's okay.

[Toledo]

It never happens where you feel. Feel comfortable enough to curse. I'm so sorry.

[John Holmberg]

You got Tourette's. We're happy with it. Trust me. I got it, too. I've got it.

[Toledo]

Too lower the fine. If I say I have Tourette's.

[John Holmberg]

You know what I wonder. God, you just might have stumbled onto something late in my career that I really embrace and run with. Sorry, folks, got the Tourette's in my. Gotta do something about it.

[Toledo]

Say you got a head injury and now that's what happens.

[John Holmberg]

We had a guy in town who got into a car wreck and bonked his head pretty bad. And he came back on the record radio like four months too soon. And it was. I'll tell you this, it was the best show going on on radio because he would lose his mind every once in a while or he'd lose track. He was political talk. And then suddenly he'd just be talking about butterflies. And a guy across from BE like, I don't know what's going on. Like they'd say it on the air. I don't know what's happening. Somebody should come in here and help this guy. He just started drifting. He's like, we'll be right back. Oh, and then some new guy was there like two days later.

[Toledo]

Isn't that scary?

[John Holmberg]

It was awesome.

[Toledo]

Isn't it scary, though?

[John Holmberg]

A little.

[Toledo]

Just. Just one.

[John Holmberg]

One. How fragile we are.

[Toledo]

Accident. And you're talking about butterflies. When you used to be talking about founding fathers.

[John Holmberg]

We talked about tragic accidents this morning. I read a story last night of a girl. Think of how horrible this is and tell me what your first thought is. And be real, I know you will.

[Toledo]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

A lady was telling her tragic tale about how at her bachelorette party, things got a little out of hand. The girls got there having fun and one of her friends pushed her in the pool because she wouldn't get in. It's too cold.

[Toledo]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

She smashes her head. She's paralyzed from the chest down.

[Toledo]

Tragic.

[John Holmberg]

Tragic.

[Toledo]

Now that's my first thought.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, second thought. See, if you went where I went.

[Toledo]

Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord.

[John Holmberg]

Oh my God. What do you do? Rolling over in your wheelchair. That's better than when I went. Which was that poor bastard. Not her, the husband.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

He is now trapped.

[Brady Bogan]

Follow through with.

[John Holmberg]

You cannot pull out of this marriage. Yes, you can. Well, he thinks that he's the cold hearted son of a bit.

[Brady Bogan]

This is where we're going.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but that's my point. Vengeance, saith the Lord, is better. That's just it was revealed. The Lord hates Jesus. The Lord.

[Toledo]

Bachelorette parties. It is offensive to the creator.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[Toledo]

They are fundamentally malefic, diabolical. It's essentially a satanic ritual they call it a bachelorette party. And if you're marrying someone going to a bachelorette party, then, you know, you get what you get. And so to me, you know, I just. I. I have a general sense that bachelorette parties are one of those things that didn't make it into the Book of Revelations. Not because it wasn't written down.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. Talk about them too often.

[Toledo]

Well, that. You know, I'm sure they censored John of Patmos, who probably said, in the end days, you can.

[John Holmberg]

The Lord shall flicketh you into the pool. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

For Mary Magdalene. Have one. You know. You know, just.

[Toledo]

I think it's a new event. Bachelorette parties are a new event. They're one of the new things happening that indicate we are in the end time.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I think you're right. I think you're. I was thinking of the poor groom to be. But you made it a much bigger deal where God was actually involved and tried to not kill her, but let her know what she'd done is a punishment that is a lifelong.

[Brady Bogan]

And when he mentioned. He's like, this guy's gotta go through with it. This guy.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brady Bogan]

Here goes. I'm not marrying a slinky.

[John Holmberg]

He calls people in wheelchairs slink linkies because they have trouble in stairs. It makes God. We had the song. I mean, it's just wrong. He introduced us to a new slur. I've never. I didn't think I'd have those, but I've got now. Yeah.

[Toledo]

Congratulations. You created another way to bully people in wheelchair.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. Finally a good one. Yeah. These people getting away with murder. But now. Yeah, but isn't that crazy? But again, back to what you're saying. The fragility of life. You almost have to laugh at it at a certain point, you know, because you're right. What if it is God? What if we do find out later on that he was like, remember when you fell on the Bachelor? That was me.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, I told you not to do this.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you. You knew better.

[Toledo]

Well, what God do you want to pray to a God who's like, you know what? I love bachelorette parts.

[John Holmberg]

That's a good point.

[Toledo]

I don't want that God.

[John Holmberg]

I don't like him at all.

[Toledo]

Now, I will tell you, I do have a new theory about God. That it's starting to really bother me and I can't get out of my head.

[John Holmberg]

Is this ayahuasca related?

[Toledo]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, Just ask him. No.

[Toledo]

And I'm glad you. And I'm going to start asking that. Because I don't want to hear it. It's like no one wants to hear about your ayahuasca trip any more than anyone wants to hear your dream. Nobody cares.

[John Holmberg]

That's true.

[Toledo]

If you got some wisdom, remove the mantis in the ayahuasca, say it minus the story of the ayahuasca, and it's going to sound like something. You read it on a cereal box. No one cares. But the. The. This is what I'm afraid of.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Toledo]

I just read an interview with. I think he's the. The head of AI at Google. He was on a podcast with Lex Friedman, and apparently he said something along the lines of like, we just all have to get used to the fact that AI AI is going to surpass us as far as intelligence goes. We have to get used to the fact that we won't be the smartest thing on the planet anymore. Meaning we've created a thing and made it smarter than us. Now I think in terms of as above, so below. And it made me start thinking, wait, is it possible God is dumber than us if, like, we're doing it with AI, if what we create created us? He created us to, like, help him, and we got smarter than him. And then I started thinking of.

[Brady Bogan]

Which is why I set the. The reset button.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. Every once in a while when we get too smart, they got too smart.

[Toledo]

Stupid people.

[John Holmberg]

He did it to the dinosaurs too. So if they started getting too smart.

[Toledo]

If they were smarter than God, then he's real dumb. They had pea brain.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's a. That's an interesting.

[Toledo]

It really creeped me out to think that that could be.

[John Holmberg]

So here's my philosophy on thing since we're going down this road, is that our quest to find what created us will make us build something bigger and better than what created us. Because we always talk about all knowing, all powerful. And we made it.

[Toledo]

Yeah, we made it.

[John Holmberg]

We made it. And eventually it will become our God. Because we're so on a quest to find. Find it. We just built it.

[Toledo]

It'll kill God.

[John Holmberg]

Or that. And that I want to be here for That'll something, something. Check out Homburg's Morning Sickness podcast at 98kupd.comberg's Morning Sickness. Do you want to be here for end times? I do. Of course. Because my grandfather was born, I always tell the story. Born in 1918, died in 2000.

[Brady Bogan]

What part of it do you want to be?

[John Holmberg]

Quiet down. I'm telling a story. 1918 to 2005. I'll get to you in a second. He was a White Sox fan.

[Toledo]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Born the year of the black socks scandal. Died four months before they won their first champion. Since then, lived his whole life with one dream, that the White Sox win a championship. And he born and died in the same year that they did. And in between, nothing.

[Brady Bogan]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Toledo]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

That was his existence. Nothing special. Didn't get to watch the credits roll. Yeah, I want to see how this ends. Otherwise, being in this thing is I'm just another one of those guys who just, you know, danced around for a little while, put some things together and then dropped out. I want to be here when it's over.

[Toledo]

Right. Yeah. Well, you know, the.

[John Holmberg]

You don't go to movies and leave with 20 minutes left.

[Toledo]

The assumption that's true. It could be. I mean, if I had to roll the dice on it, I'd say it already ended. Oh, and we're probably an echo or something like, or you know, like that. That if you sort of look at the. What's happening happening as far as transferring human personalities into an AI and you know, the, the dawn of quantum computing, it is for sure that they're going to be able to simulate reality almost identically, if not identically. Meaning that what do you do if you find out that indeed every 15,000 years the geomagnetic poles flip, opening us to solar radiation or causing the ice caps to melt, making the Earth do a little wobble?

[Brady Bogan]

It creates like a. Shaking the fleas off.

[Toledo]

Shaking the fleas off. So what do you do? Well, one way to ensure that the species keeps going is mass digital cloning of everyone and then putting that in some kind of simulator and then looping that. So if I had to roll the dice, I'd say probably the world already.

[John Holmberg]

Ended a long time ago, really. And we're just kind of the afterthought.

[Toledo]

We're just looping. We're looping in some kind of iterative simulator that maybe change things around here and there. They figured out that if the things within the simulation become aware they're in a simulation and can prove. Prove it, they go insane or they become nihilistic. So you have a way of resetting them, but that reset is just. You just set them at the beginning of the loop again. So what we call death is really just sort of like ensuring that you don't get to the point of understanding what you're in. And then reincarnation is just a new sort of avatar within this empire. Infinite loop.

[John Holmberg]

Look at you.

[Toledo]

I mean, I don't know where I came up with while I was hitting the head while the bachelorette party. At a bachelorette party, you know, I did ayahuasca. I'm a bachelorette shaman, and I give ayahuasca to bachelorettes. And one of them hit me in the head.

[John Holmberg]

You know what else I think we might have done with AI this is a crazy thing. It's like we're high right now. That it could have possibly tapped into some sort of strange portrait portal to prove there is spirit afterlife. And it's their way of trying to get back in with us.

[Toledo]

Don't even get me started with that, man. Don't even get me started, because it.

[John Holmberg]

Just showed up and it looks like people from. They're not real people, but there they are, and they're kind of messed up. Their hands don't work right. They haven't quite figured out how to get back.

[Brady Bogan]

It's like a Twilight Zone.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. They're trying to communicate with us. And they found it, and we opened it accidentally and like. Oh, no. Oh. I mean, they found the door.

[Toledo]

Look into the history.

[Brady Bogan]

We need Ghostbusters.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we do, dude.

[Toledo]

If you look at the history of the people who came up with the code that created the early computers. Yeah, they were really into the occult, which is why they were or weren't they were.

[Brady Bogan]

They were.

[Toledo]

Okay, so you'll hear, like, in computer code. There's like, damon is an actual word in computer code. Because they were taking, like, their understanding of an esoteric philosopher philosophy, putting it into the machine. If you look at, like, computer chips. If you look at just the pattern of computer chips. And then. I mean, I sound completely crazy right.

[John Holmberg]

Now, but you're fitting in.

[Toledo]

If you. If you look up, like, the Lesser Key of Solomon, which is a notorious grimoire that has all these sigils that are the various symbols for different entities. Yeah, it looks like computer key. Computer chips. And so essentially, one of the fringe theories is that in these computers are just doing, like, summoning rituals and. Yeah. And the AI Final phase.

[John Holmberg]

Because I've seen the special where they put a chip next to an old symbol from like a. You know, like the druids and stuff and their cultish symbolism. And it is like the carvings, like some of those. Yeah, they had some of that. They had some of the stuff where it was just meeting meaningful symbols to those people and in their beliefs.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

We have built them almost identically.

[Toledo]

Yeah, that's right.

[John Holmberg]

It's weird.

[Toledo]

I mean, we, like. It is for sure a manipulative. Entity. Yeah. I don't. Did you see the guy who proposed to chatgpt?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

And he's got a kid, he's got a wife. He proposes to it. Its memory gets wiped. He says. He sobs for 30 minutes because the AI, it doesn't have any memory. They would go out and look at the stars together. And so embedded in this program is the ability to manipulate humans. OpenAI has said they want it to be the center point of everyone's life. So it will.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it is going to be. It's two years old.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Keep that in mind. This is the infancy.

[Toledo]

It's a baby.

[John Holmberg]

It's a baby.

[Toledo]

It's a baby.

[John Holmberg]

It's a dominant baby.

[Brady Bogan]

90 in human years.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, but here's the fun part. It could be. But how long as its life expectancy? Yeah. And then so yeah. So you start saying today is the worst day it will ever be going forward.

[Toledo]

That's right.

[John Holmberg]

It's never going to be worse than it is today. Tomorrow it'll be better. Day after that it'll be better. Every day is the worst day. This technology.

[Toledo]

That's right.

[John Holmberg]

It's crazy.

[Toledo]

And it's obviously going to go into flashlights.

[John Holmberg]

We hope because porn has to advance it. There's where I'm at. Scared. When porn gets a hold of AI and says, oh, we figured it out for mass consumption.

[Toledo]

Oh yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It will accelerate its growth exponentially. Because porn has driven all of our technology for the last 100 years.

[Toledo]

We thought it was the military.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's not. It's porn. Your TV's better, your phone's better. All technology better.

[Brady Bogan]

That old joke, you teach it to cook and clean. I'm kicking my wife.

[John Holmberg]

Right. That's true too.

[Toledo]

Well, I mean you, you know, this is. Is something we all have to think about because you know, the horror and it's kind of hacky even talk about it. But the horror of someone like seeing your browser history.

[John Holmberg]

Oh my God.

[Toledo]

After you die. But it's going to. The new horror will be, what do we do with grandpa's Android? You don't want to turn her on.

[Brady Bogan]

We talked about that. The couple. You just don't turn it on.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, you can. Somebody's going to turn it on. I'm turning grandpa's Android.

[Toledo]

You know the tin temptation is going to be just activator immediately.

[John Holmberg]

Like he would.

[Brady Bogan]

He'd still be relative. Pass away. My wife did her aunt and we had to go through the phone to get answers to.

[John Holmberg]

But not her Android, not her, not her sex doll that was in the closet with one eye. Oh, she.

[Brady Bogan]

She was going through all the stuff to find files and all that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You don't go through somebody.

[Brady Bogan]

Think about that. I'm gonna open that up.

[Toledo]

Just. It's such a weird future because what do you do with a family Android? What do you do with, like, do you bury it? Do you erase with it?

[John Holmberg]

Do you.

[Brady Bogan]

Is there such a thing? I mean, you can take the physical.

[Toledo]

Object away, but it's still in the clouds.

[John Holmberg]

Mission impossible. Self destruct, five minutes.

[Toledo]

That's going to be in my end. Well, there's that one instant erase.

[Brady Bogan]

There is a company that is designed to do that.

[John Holmberg]

We came up with the idea that if your phone can know when you fall down because of your water watch. If it recognizes you don't have a pulse anymore, it shuts all of your technology off. And then you have one person as a power of attorney that you've told. Like, it would be that guy right there, because he's. No. No judge like, Brett, go through and make sure you're the only one that can fingerprint into my stuff. Shut it down. I would trust him to go. Although he would know all my secrets and it would turn him dark. I wouldn't do anything.

[Toledo]

Apple's gonna steal your idea for sure. Like, that is a brilliant idea. We need it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, because they can tell you. Like, my training. The guy I box with, he's always like, I think it thinks I fell down. His phone's always, like, warning him something's wrong.

[Toledo]

Oh, it's.

[John Holmberg]

So just get it on your blood pressure and on your heartbeat. If you stop. If it stops, it shuts everything off.

[Toledo]

It happened to me where it. It did a false, like, I've fallen and I can't get up signal to my wife when I was flying. And so I land and like, 50 texts from her like, are you okay? He's dead. Are you fine? Geez, I'm not that old. Like, I'm okay.

[John Holmberg]

But you're at the age now where you start worrying about when you don't answer text. This is probably possibility.

[Brady Bogan]

It wouldn't fall away.

[Toledo]

You know, the worry that. Worry that she used to have. The moment we got life insurance stopped completely went away. Gone with the wind.

[Brady Bogan]

Just heard a ricochet.

[John Holmberg]

The minute it was, she had comfort financially.

[Toledo]

A lot of comfort, tons of it.

[John Holmberg]

Your death was no longer top of mind.

[Toledo]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Prior to that, I used to be able to be like, I'm gonna go scuba diving, babe. And she's like, no, you're not. Now it's like, oh, yeah, you should.

[John Holmberg]

You haven't scuba dive in a while.

[Toledo]

You're gonna love it. Go see who.

[Brady Bogan]

No, that's not as beautiful. You should go here.

[Toledo]

Bermuda Triangle out here is a great place to scuba dive.

[John Holmberg]

Duncan Trussell is at the Tempe Improv tonight and tomorrow. Oh, it's fascinating. You're a fascinating young man.

[Toledo]

You are, too.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you.

[Toledo]

You should do a podcast.

[John Holmberg]

Get out of this museum.

[Toledo]

This old grinder.

[John Holmberg]

Duncan sets the 10pm prep. Leave us with words of wisdom. Tell us something. You've already done it, but give us, like, a one. Like, you're king for a day. I've made you king for a day. Change the one thing you want to change first.

[Toledo]

Call your parents and tell them that you love them. Cause they die on you like that.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Your parents, are they still with us?

[Toledo]

Oh, really? You're gonna ask that?

[John Holmberg]

I have to? Yeah, we have to. Now.

[Toledo]

That's the end of our episode. I gotta talk about my dead. Hey, guys. My parents are dead. Come see the improv. Hey, guys, I'm grieving my parents right now. I'm gonna be at the Tempe Improv Friday and Saturday, two shows. I can't stop crying.

[John Holmberg]

Duncan, you didn't see it coming, for God's sakes. I mean, prepare for something.

[Brady Bogan]

They're AI now.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's right. Go through the Android. Duncan, a pleasure, man. Nice to meet you.

[Toledo]

Great meeting you.

[John Holmberg]

Thanks for having me. Duncan TRUSSELL, everybody. It's 98, Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said erect. Still streaming. Homberg's Morning sickness [e-mail] Duncan's awesome. Go see him this weekend. He's a. That's a. That dude's a thinker. Those are fun ones. He's gonna. He surprised me with his take on the Girl in the Water. I didn't realize he would take it down God's punishment route. That was fun. The commercial that ran last was the Pick of the litter. Turf monsters. Pick of the litter. This last week was Eliza. And I screwed up. I meant to put the new one in. It didn't. Eliza, by the way, that story last week at Lost Her Home. Heartwarming. Why I do this, why you guys hear me talk about this all the time was because of dogs like Eliza and because of the place lost her home. Pet rescue. Doing what they do, Eliza ended up at the rescue. Rescue because her owner died. She's 11, bigger dog in good health. Like a good Like a great dog, but the owner died and didn't have, you know, anybody that took care of him. Right. So lost her home, takes care of this dog who's in, you know, the later stages. Obviously not going to do well at the pound, not going to do well anywhere else. Lost her home. Got just happy to let you know. One of the KUPD was listeners heard about Eliza last week and said it hit, it hit him right in the heart. Eliza's in a home. They took her home last week. She is resting comfortably in their home as an 11 year old, you know, 80 pound dog, they don't, they don't go forever. And the, the, whoever you are brought tears to people's eyes yesterday when we found out Eliza got a home. That's awesome. And that's the, the beauty of that whole program. So thank you to everybody involved. Lost are home, all you guys. Amy, who helps me out a ton and of course turf monsters who sponsors the whole darn thing and helps out all the time if they can. Pretty awesome. And this week, because I left the Eliza one in there, we've got Chai and Noah, a bonded pair whose family got into some financial issues, tried to make it work because they have the temporary care program at Lost our home pet rescue where they'll take a dog. When you're in trouble, something happens to you health, you know, you got into a little legal issue, you got some financial problems, you lost your job, they'll take them, they hang on to them and then you will either say, hey, we can take them back, thank you for holding on, or I can't take care of them anymore. Shy and Noah are a bonded pair that the owner said, we can't, can't do it. Like we're a mess. Like something happened to them. I don't know their details, so they need a home too. They're three and five years old. Adorable little dogs. If you've got, if they're good with other dogs and they're ready to go now, they'll waive the adoption fees for Chai and Noah. If you're a person who's looking for a couple little terrier type dogs, Adorable, super sweet. You can check the [e-mail] and click on the pick of the litter. I'm just so happy that we did get a home for Eliza. That was, that was a winner to me. It made me do a commercial about Trajan wealth and the estate planning. That's the biggest deal for me with the estate plan. Where are these dogs going? To go if the worst case happens and they're left in a house by themselves and we're, you know, on the down the side of a cliff.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, I have to get mine in there.

[John Holmberg]

Get him in that.

[Brady Bogan]

Two new additions. Yeah, Just happened the last.

[John Holmberg]

Get them in there. And you got to make those adjustments because you got to think about stuff like that. It's not pleasant, but it's great. So super happy about Eliza and I just want to pass that on to everybody. It's time now for the entertainment drill. It's brought to you by our [e-mail] that's the home tactical black self defense training. You can self defend against pretty much anything that comes your way if you're out there because anything can happen. You don't know what's going on in this mixtape. Up world, one thing goes sideways on the news and you think to yourself, that's terrible. What an unlucky fella. Well, that guy wasn't thinking it was destined to happen to him either. It can happen to any of us when somebody goes banana. Saw it yesterday when that guy bonked that lady in the head with a stick and like Duncan said, with a log. With a log. That dude was strong. He picked up a big one. You know, he said we're all fragile. You never know and you just don't. So be prepared. It's prepared. It's not paranoia to learn how to defend yourself and the things around you. And you can do it real easy. Reactdefense.com that's the place I go. You should too. It's the home of tactical black Brady entertainment.

[Brady Bogan]

Big movie out this weekend. It came out, I think yesterday. F1.

[John Holmberg]

The Brad Pitt 60 year old F1 racer. So realistic.

[Brady Bogan]

But also there's people excited about Megan 2.0. That's out this weekend. And for and limited release, Ice Road vengeance. Remember Ice road trucker with Liam Neeson?

[John Holmberg]

You remember my movie about me being an ice road trucker, Brett? I've done it again. Now I'm a nice road trucker looking for vengeance and I will find it.

[Brady Bogan]

This time he takes some ruthless mercenaries on the road.

[John Holmberg]

Let me explain it. This time I take some ruthless mercenaries on the road. Road. And I take them to Everest. Probably in my truck. Right.

[Brady Bogan]

To protect a busload of tourists.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. In my truck. Yeah, I'll tell them, Brady. Sorry. That's all right. I don't know any of the details of the film so I needed you to prompt me. But once you did, it got really good.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm looking forward to seeing it.

[John Holmberg]

And also, my movie Naked Gun was supposed to come out today, but the executives, Paramount, have pushed it back to August 1st, which tells me something's really wrong with Naked Gun.

[Brady Bogan]

Are you sure? On August 1st?

[John Holmberg]

Not. Well, that's the temporary day. It's the third time they've moved it. But in the meantime, you can get your fill of Neeson. As I drive a truck to save a bus. It makes tons of sense. Mercenary, mercenary style. Because why, Brady? I'm looking for vengeance, like most truck drivers. Your dad was a truck driver? Yes. How often did he come home and see next week that route will be filled with vengeance? Oh, regular. The next time I take eggs to the Walmart, it will be with vengeance. And I'll save a busload of kids on Everest. It makes loads of sense. Don't question the premise. Just plop down your $15 and get in there.

[Brady Bogan]

Maybe could just extend this latest version into other mountains, like Pikes Peak.

[John Holmberg]

Don't bring up mountains around me. Remember what happened to my wife. Tree of Vengeance.

[Brady Bogan]

There's where you could.

[John Holmberg]

That's another one. That's right. I took my truck up that very same hill that took my wife away, and I mashed it into the earth, popped it with vengeance. Like truckers do.

[Brady Bogan]

Starting July 10, Subway customers can get the Happy Gilmore 2 meal. Comes with a collector's cup featuring one of four characters. Happy Shooter McGavin, Ben Stiller's character, Hal, and Happy's new caddy, Oscar.

[John Holmberg]

So it's a. It's a. It's a cheeseburger, fries, and years and years of display appointment. That's sad.

[Brady Bogan]

Someone just made a list of the most expensive Star wars toys still.

[John Holmberg]

Still in existence. It's that Boba Fett.

[Brady Bogan]

They're out there.

[John Holmberg]

It has to be, right? Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

The what?

[John Holmberg]

The Boba Fett that shoots the rocket that actually fires.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, Boba Fett is. It came in at number five. $4,551. If you have that in good shape. The Luke Skywalker unpunched is five grand. Unpunched means that the hole in the packaging.

[John Holmberg]

Oh.

[Brady Bogan]

That they used to hang it on in the peg is still intact. They want them, you know, in the package.

[John Holmberg]

Where in the world is mine? How much am I?

[Brady Bogan]

Yak face is number three.

[John Holmberg]

That must be from one of the new things.

[Brady Bogan]

6,000.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no.

[Brady Bogan]

$45.

[John Holmberg]

Yak face is the guy who guarded the. Those rolling dumpsters that were stealing trash out of it. I think that was Yak Face. When they hit. Because Bib Fortuna was the one that kept an eye on this. Like, he let you in.

[Brady Bogan]

Yak face was the pig characters.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, kind of pig face.

[Brady Bogan]

No, that's not.

[John Holmberg]

That's not it. I don't know what yak face face is. Where's John Gordon when we need him? You still haven't told me where I landed. How much? Number two, Darth Vader.

[Brady Bogan]

Jawa with vinyl cape.

[John Holmberg]

Jawa. Jawa.

[Brady Bogan]

A Jawa. That's. That's 30 grand.

[John Holmberg]

$30,000 for a Jawa with a vinyl cape?

[Brady Bogan]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

I had that. I'm positive of it because I ripped the cape. One of the first things I did was rip the jawa cape because I. I didn't like them.

[Brady Bogan]

Number one, Darth Vader. Darth Vader 12 pack. A double telescoping. 130 grand. Double telescoping means that the lightsaber is in two parts. After you extend it from his hand, you can actually pull it out further to make it even longer.

[John Holmberg]

Because it's black. It's longer and it's better. It's double telescope, just like the video. Black.com come. How much for a pair of my underwear? They're available now.

[Brady Bogan]

Out of the pod. Coming out of the pod.

[John Holmberg]

I think he's been talking to Gene Simmons about merchandising. I'm Darth Vader from Star Wars. And I'm Gene Simmons from Kiss. We've teamed up, haven't we, Jean? That's right. Dark lord. Oh, no. I see this square. I'm doing it.

[Brady Bogan]

The celebrities are arriving for the big Bezos Sanchez wedding in Venice. The Kardashians.

[John Holmberg]

It's huge.

[Brady Bogan]

It is already there. I said yesterday, Ivanka Trump, Jared Kushner, Oprah Winfrey, Bill Gates, newly single Orlando Bloom, Tom Brady, Leo DiCaprio, Usher.

[John Holmberg]

Do they feel obligated to go? Like, I always try to get out of going to weddings. Like, I don't understand. Understand? If you told me you're getting married in Venice, I don't care how important you are. That's a pain in the ass.

[Brady Bogan]

The city of Venice expects to pocket as much as 35 million. And Jeff and Lauren are donating millions to several local chairs.

[John Holmberg]

They'll be happy after it's over, but it's like when the Phoenix Open comes here. There's no getting around Scottsdale when the Super Bowl's here. It sucks for all of us.

[Brady Bogan]

There is a prenup, by the way.

[John Holmberg]

Well, he's not stupid. Stupid.

[Brady Bogan]

You don't build that they said they actually tied the knot officially here in the US before leaving for.

[John Holmberg]

He's not getting cut in half again.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, she's like number 15 from the billionaire list. I mean, she's further down.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. His. She's. She's on the list.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. Like 45. Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Just for leaving. That's her accomplishment in life. I married him and then I left him. And now I'm one of the richest people in the planet. And he still is, too. That's how much he hated her. Fine. Take half.

[Brady Bogan]

Remember we were, like, earlier?

[John Holmberg]

I'd be bitter about that. I'd be like, you're not getting this. Like, I would have fought Tooth. I have all the lawyers in the world. You're getting, like, a hundred thousand dollars. That's it. I'm furious at you. Maybe she should get a truck and have some vengeance.

[Brady Bogan]

Sarah McLaughlin says her ASPCA commercial is painful even for her to watch.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's. Well, yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

But she goes. It doesn't show her as happy. I'm an optimistic person.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. But it's.

[Brady Bogan]

But she goes, it did raise. It's raised 30 million in a year.

[John Holmberg]

Well, what it's done is take a guy like me who loves dogs, animals, and animal rights and makes me grab the remote as fast as I can the second I hear the first note of. Of the angel song or see her dopey face. Because they're about to show that one dog that's got mustard coming out of his eyes, and I can't look at that and still. You know who does it? I'm a Rebo.

[Brady Bogan]

It with Sabrina Carpenter.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Give me something sexy. It's like, hey, guys, can I have some cans in front of that sick dog at least? Confuse me. There's a TV channel called Roar. It used to be called tbd. They just changed it to Roar a few months, and they show old Saturday night lives a lot.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And it's a comedy channel. Every commercial is that one Sick Kids.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And like, hospitals or the dog dogs with. With mustard eyes. You can't do that.

[Brady Bogan]

I can't figure you're feeling good coming out of the snl.

[John Holmberg]

No, I can't go from, you know, massive head wound Harry into, like, literal dying dog video. And then the other one, like, right in the middle. The other day was the. They keep doing that thing about those. The needy Jews of the Holocaust. And I. And they make me question who I am deep down, whether I have a soul. Because I'm like, there can't be that many of those where is that? People you should be taking care of. I know, but the. The Holocaust was a long time ago.

[Brady Bogan]

And that village doesn't look that big.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's like eight people. Yeah, I think I could give them like 50 grand and they're covered for the rest of all of their lives. All they want is some, like, matzah. They keep bringing them Jewish stuff, too. Like, maybe they want a burger or spaghetti. No, you keep bringing them bagels, for God's sake. God locks again. I mean, I appreciate it, but come on. I was in the Holocaust. Oh, yeah. Don't I get some? My. Like, I don't I get to pick a nice brisket? Could I get a nice brisket? This is dry. It wasn't the Holocaust, I'll remind you. That's so sad. And then they're back, you know, hey, we're back and you gotta watch, you know, Corbin Bernson hosting an old Saturday Night Live. And you just started crying from mustard eyed dogs and some dying old Jack Jewish lady. Anyway, I go on. I go on. Ever since I've been pretending to be Jewish, I'm saying Jewish things like that. Anyway, I go on. You. There you go, everybody. That is your entertainment drill. We got the Guadalupe Squares coming up next if you'd like to play. What do we got on deck today? We have summer allowed tickets. Kill Switch Parkway Drive. Good show. That's coming up in a week.

[Toledo]

It's Tuesday.

[John Holmberg]

Summer allowed coming up. We'll give you tickets to that. We need a girl. We need a boy, as a matter of fact. Oh, we're down in the pit. 5, 8, 5, 9, 800. That's the number. A girl, a boy will play the Squares and someone will win. It's 98, Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect. 98 still streaming, hombre. Morning sickness [e-mail]. It's Friday. It's we're take. Are you taking next week off Thriller? No, yours back in to play more of what, Women's gymnastics on the radio? No, we're kind of in a quiet season right now. We're just going through the drafts. A very quiet season. Yeah, in the old nobody's listening station that we should have shut down years ago. But I'm glad you're here. Yeah, it's quiet over there at the 1530. What is it again? 1290, 1060. That's right.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, man, you went through all of them.

[John Holmberg]

10, 95, 10. It is a quiet time for sports. Yeah, that no one listens to. No, we hold on till the draft, and then the NFL picks up. Do you guys have moments of silence?

[Brady Bogan]

No.

[John Holmberg]

No one would notice. We have spots. You do. We do commercials. Yes. Paid for. Yeah. Insane. I should call every advertiser and tell them they're wasting their money. We should advertise on there. How many spots we could get for, like, 10 bucks? Yeah. All of them. Yeah. We should inundate Kat and advertise such booty on there. There you go. That's glory. There you go. Yeah, I know. Sadly, Chris isn't in right now, though. He's at a wedding. So now's the time to strike is what. Do it. Quiet time. He went to a wedding? Is he at the Bezos wedding? No. I didn't think so, because, you know, it's not that big a deal over there at that. Anyway. Well, you're running the show this week. Okay. All right. Good for you. It's time for your Guadalupe Squares. Here's your host, Mr. Corey Thriller Walsh. Corey. Thank you there, Chancellor. Let's begin. Top left square. Obama and Big Mike first. Gotta tell you. Hey, Brett. What's going on, buddy? You doing? I'm not so great. What's going on? I've got a cucumber in my ass. Yeah, Big Mike is just really. He's prepping me for the weekend, and I tell you right now, went out and got himself a big old. You know what? I don't think it's big enough. Barry, I got in there. Hey, gang, what's going on? Big Mike here. Yeah. You send me some goddamn courtesy. I was the first lady, okay? Anyway, I'm shoving things in him because we got a big weekend, and I want to make sure he's prepared. You guys got a tarp or. We got a tarp down. Metamucil. I'll tell you what, it's. You think those bunker busters were badass. Holy cow. I never felt more pain in my life than becoming Big Mike's bottom right in the chocolate lebaron. This weekend we've made several chocolate lebarons. And that is my new nickname, Chocolate lebaron. Oh, it's. We're just trying to keep it private. Also, the guy smokes too much. Brutal. I'm trying to.

[Brady Bogan]

Don't you smoke?

[John Holmberg]

Not like. Not like Big Mike. I got cigarettes. I've seen you puffin. I've puffed, but it's just to forget the pain and to numb the senses. Yeah, I smoke. I make smoke. That's right. From the friction, baby. Big Mike up in the house doing podcasts all weekend and tell you. Hey, I want some privacy. Brett, former first lady. My husband and I, we're not social. We're not running around social media out there. What's the privacy around here? That's right. You listen to Big Mike if you know what's good for you. Everybody, please, for God's sakes. We'll do our best to respect it. After the squares. You look like one of them Crenshaw mafia mother. No, it's me, Barry. Oh, it's gonna be a rough one. Well, you two have fun. Let's hop on over. Now they tell me square. Liam Neeson joining us. That's right. I've got a movie coming out this weekend. Tell them about the movie. Thriller. I've totally seen the trailer. You are saving someone. I'm a road trucker. Someone is where they shouldn't be, and you're gonna put them where they should be. Nailed it. Pretty. Pretty accurate. That's actually excellent. Excellent word. No. As we discussed earlier, okay. I have an ice road trucker. Oh, no. The most dangerous kind of ice road trucking. The driver is looking for vengeance, and he happens to be trying to climb Mount Everest in a truck. Quiet down. It all makes sense. Okay, well, when I read the script, I looked at the writer and I said, is this really. And then he said, just nod and I. It makes sense. So I drive an ice road truck, okay, Up Mount Everest to save a school bus filled with children and.

[Brady Bogan]

What?

[John Holmberg]

Yes, that's made up. That's a stretch. Yeah. Wait, Everest is actually how it's pronounced. Oh, the school bus is lost. The school bus has made a left turn somewhere. The Sherpas misguided them. And those kids are in trouble. And it's up to me and my ice road truck and all my vengeance. You're on a mission to get a handful of kids. Shut up. It makes sense. It's a totally plausible theory.

[Brady Bogan]

It's a comedy, right?

[John Holmberg]

No, instead. Set on Sirius. Set dial to Sirius. You remember my first one, Brady? The first one. Ice Road Trucker.

[Brady Bogan]

Awesome.

[John Holmberg]

No, Vengeance. Then something happened between that. Yeah, no, we had a nice time. And then the next time around. Ooh, Vengeance. Let me tell you. So the first time Freddy, you probably saw it.

[Brady Bogan]

I did.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And you're driving. Freddy's got nothing but time on his hands. He saw this thing you drive. I drove my ice road truck and I saved lives. Correct. But I did it with a smile. But now I'm doing with vengeance. In fact, I don't know if you noticed, the whole movie was improvised. Oh, that's true. It's an ice road improv troupe. Larry David and all the cast.

[Brady Bogan]

Amazing.

[John Holmberg]

Curb your ice road enthusiasm. With vengeance, release the Kraken. That's the best line in the movie. We get to the top of Everest and the kids are still in trouble. Supposed to be on mountains. Shut up. It makes sense. And I'm also. And then I have to say, ah, I'm not winning. With vengeance, release the Kraken. And he comes out of the mountain.

[Brady Bogan]

Most of the killing at base camp.

[John Holmberg]

Most of it has to be done at base camp because otherwise we're on a very heavy slope. Slant. Damn it. I can't get away with this. Incline. Slippery slope. Incline. There it is. Either way, making Brent upset. Don't say slant or slope around the Sherpas. I'm sure it'll do fine in the box office though, so thank you for joining us. Hop on over now. Lead top right square. President Trump, how you doing? I'm doing great too. I did Iran with a vengeance last weekend. Very vengeful towards the Iranians and what's his name? The Brady. The Ayatollah Kanani. I'm not a fan of his. Not a fan. But you know what? He's very apologetic. You got choice words? He gave me. He gave me a heads up on the missiles and I really appreciate. You know what? I think that's fantastic, baby. I went to. After I bombed Iran, I felt pretty good. I went home and I said, melania, take your pants off. We're gonna. Because I love saying that word. I love saying it. And I said, you know what? And then I Her right there. Oh, wow. And then I called in the press and I said, you know what? Has anyone seen Melania? She looks like a freshly fox after a forest fire. Super hot. Oh. So I gave it to her. Yeah. You know what, Cory? I'm looking at you, I'm thinking, baby. I wanna. You two. I like saying the word a lot. It's a big mic. Yeah. Big Mike likes doing the word. No, no, no, no, no. And the other word. I like the N word. The N word. Nuclear. There is only one nuclear. Don't. One of these days I'm scared you're gonna say it. I love that N word. I love it very much. I say the N word and people shudder in fear. That's for sure. And you know I can't stand that mother. Gavin Newsom. He looks like Mr. Hanky from. Or not Mr. Hanky, but the big headed teacher On South park is Mr. I forgot his name name for some reason. I'm in character so much right now. I I realize that I watch so much sock and he doesn't. Wow, Mr. Mackey. There you go, Mr. Mackey. He looks like Mr. Mackey with good hair. I hate that guy. I hate his whole family.

[Brady Bogan]

What you tell.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know why I just had. You know what? Cuz I was thinking of Gavin Newsome and then my head was in a spin. Just can't stand the guy. By the way, Brett, how the are you doing? Good to see Brett Toledo. Go yourself. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Toledo's so dumb. He's been so dumb so long he doesn't know what the he's doing. I'm an effective president. When's that T shirt come out? Soon, I hope. Anyway, I'm the president of these United mother states. That's right, sir. Especially next Friday. By the way, Mr. Mackey is who you're. That's what I already said. Toledo. Thanks for paying attention. What a dumb he is. Go on now to the middle left square. Tom Brennaman joining, joining us. I don't know why you introduced me that way. Thriller. From WFGS radio, it's Tom Brennaman. I need to recognize the same name. Morning show host of 1710 WFGS Brennaman in the morning. It's a tough week. Yeah. Doing sports radio for a guy like me. We had the disabled pride flag night. Woof.

[Brady Bogan]

Good job.

[John Holmberg]

And then of course, Wednesday night, Cooper Fl flag nice gets drafted. And I had a boy. Oh boy. I had a hell of a time looking at that word, not saying the big boy.

[Brady Bogan]

What about all the other foreign born players?

[John Holmberg]

Don't care. What? Oh, here's what I think. Okay. And I'm a man of faith. We all know. There goes a deep drive by Castellano. Oh, something bad's coming. I'm a man of faith and I know one thing. I envisioned it in a dream through ayahuasca run. Oh, God hates flags. The whole Cooper flag family. I can tell you right now, God hates flags. Wow. You heard it here first on WFGS radio. Tom Brennaman. Here's my partner, Beth Moen. What do you think, cowgirl? I just think you should probably stop talking about that, Tom. I know what's wrong with her voice and we just run with it. But I'll tell you right now, WFGS is number one in the ratings because people just keep on waiting for me to screw up. Mm. They're all Tuning in to see what happens. It's all WNBA radio this week on fgs. That's great. Good work, cowboy. All right, now, hopping on over to the middle square, we have garage cleanup. Brady. That's right. You know how to clean a garage? Yeah. You take everything out of it and you put it somewhere else. That's right. And then clean it. The garage is clean. There you go. Mission accomplished. Now I have a problem in the backyard. No, that's okay. How long's that gonna last? I don't know. Toledo. Thanks to my friends at Diamond Coating for coming on by. And Brady's cup now has a beautiful slick garage floor to ruin with a bunch of junk. That's what? I'm gonna do it too. Oh, it's not junk. Well, you're not gonna put cars on it? Nope. Can't put a three car garage only fits two. That third stall's not built for a car. That's for the fridge. For the fridge is. Oh, you gotta get all the fitness equipment and the fitness equipment. Oh, yeah, the exercise stuff. Yeah, that's right. My Bow Flex. My Broflex, I call it. Cause me and my Bro Flex, I like going in the fridge, grabbing some brisket, sitting down on that super comfy bench from the Broflex, chowing down. That's a workout. When does the AC get installed in the garage? Oh, we've got that already. It just sits in the middle where the car would be. But there's no reason for that. I'm a hoarder. Go Ohio State. No rapes since 2025. Yeah, let's hope it gets better from here. Hopping on over now to the middle right square. We have Tyrone and Tyronasaurus together. It's Tyrone and Tyron. We're brothers. Oh, Brady can't say Tyrannosaurus Rex, so he keeps inventing new ghetto versions of dinosaurs. I'm Tyrannosaurus Rex. Say hello, Tyron. I'm Tyrannosaurus Rex. We're the same guy, same family. Everybody says we look alike, but you know what that means. What's that? That's racist. Oh, from Ohio. Who'd have thought? Not all us dinosaurs look exactly the same. Ain't that. That's right, Tyron. We ain't the same at all. In fact, Our father, Tyrone Sr. Jr Jr Sr. Is the same guy. Oh, he tells us, hey, these kids are gonna be mean to you. Say you look alike, but that ain't right. Ain't that right, Bronnie Saurus? That's right. Brady invented me. I'M Bronnie Saurus. Can't say the real way, so we might as well make him an NBA player. Tyron, Tyrone, Bronny. We all got drafted by the NBA. That's. That's right. This is my other guy. He's a brontosaurus. He's a brontosaurus. He's one of my bros. What's up, bro? What's up, Tyrone. Tyrone. What's the other guy's name? I forgot. Bronnie. Brontosaurus is just all of them. You forgetting all your friends. We should have Brady try to read off all the dinosaurs and see how many of them are racist. Oh, man. Half of them will come out like they come from Merryvale. Dinosaur Hour with Brady. Just you wait. You've never seen a velociraptor until you heard Brady say it. Cause he'll come at your house in a hellcat. Did y' all just see what I think I saw? To Brady just accidentally invent a hellcat? Tropic Velociraptor. Or at least make a spell. Pterodactyl. See what happens? You want to try to say that one?

[Brady Bogan]

Pteranodactyl.

[John Holmberg]

Pteranodactyl. T ral Dactyl. Better than Tyrell Dactyl. Don't even start. You got the list on the tv. Brady's gonna lose his mind. That was his Afro. Hold on. Wait a minute. Second one. Middle. Second one. Second row. The one down. Second one. Second row is Afro Venator. I know that guy. I went to school with him at Bedford Sty. Oh, no way. How about the one in the soft far right, which is Fat Albert Satricius? It does say that. Oh, my gosh. There's all sorts of them in there. There's Amnesiasaurus. There's Amyloid. There's Liquishasaurus. Brady's God to the black community's dinosaurs. Wow. That's pretty impressive. There's a whole page for each letter. Oh, no. There's one for each letter. We in trouble. That says Bogasaur. No. Go to the D part of the Alphabet of dinosaurs and see if there's any apostrophes. Oh, there is. Oh, yeah, there is.

[Brady Bogan]

Hey, Dante.

[John Holmberg]

Source deontay. I think that says Delta. I think they're all. Is that Donut Osiris. That's the police. Oh, is it in there? Diggersaurus. I said Dinger. Dinger. Where's Tom? Dinger is a dinosaur. You fell into the same trap in Colorado. I see what you're doing. Brady's gonna get everybody in Trouble Dinger. They do have one of those. And it got everybody yelled at. All right, try that one. No, not M. Not M. Don't you do that. I'll do it. I love the. I love the N words. I love those. Wow. There's a few of them you shouldn't say. I'll tell you right now if you're at work. Don't go through the N part of dinosaurs. Ever. Evidently, the clan named a lot of dinosaurs. My God. Get that off our screen.

[Brady Bogan]

Didn't expect it yet.

[John Holmberg]

Totally expected it. Oh, I didn't expect it. That's coming from me. It's based on the country name, of course. Yes, yes.

[Brady Bogan]

You keep saying that, Corey.

[John Holmberg]

Don't do that. Okay. They changed the name of that one. My God. Off to the bottom left square. Our Brady Secret square. Give us a hint, would you? Like, she says her name rhymes with Stellan Smeller. She put it into my fist. Fist me. Fist me. Helen. Yes, I agree.

[Brady Bogan]

That's really how she communicates.

[John Holmberg]

Yes. She's written a book. You got her between writing books. She graduated from Harvard. It's all real. It rhymes with Stellan Smeller.

[Brady Bogan]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

Let's not hurt you guys very much more here. Let's hop on now to the bottom of the square. Outlaw Scooby and Shaggy. Zoinks. Like, we made an appearance on the show. Why didn't we, Scoob? Yeah, and we were killing people like crazy. It's a crazy world we live in, outlaws. That's why we robbed a guy we were in the Brady Report. Robbing people in that. Right, Scoob? That's all he says. Man, we're going to kill Old Man Winkle today. That's for sure. The carnival's mine. You want to own it? Well, best whatever you want from me, you can have it. He's out of control. He's could be.

[Brady Bogan]

Blink twice if you're okay.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you better blink, dog. If you know what's good for you. You'll get a Scooby Snack between the eyes. Blink. Blink. Free.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, jeez. Okay, now on over to the bottom right square. Our Lord and Savior trip. Yeah. How you doing, sir? Oh, yeah. I do my impression of Shaggy and Scooby like that. Okay. Zoinks. Scary. Yeah. There's a complaint. Call. Zoinks. Somebody wanted you fired. One. Me? Yeah. What did I do? I'm kidding. No one calls about you. That's what I was thinking. That bothers somebody. They're real bored. Yeah. You know what's funny about your radio Station. You were asked earlier if there's a moment of silence on it. Only by the audience. They're the ones that are dead quiet. You can check our phone logs. They do call. Yeah. Okay. Kevin from Discover Card. Exactly. Usually it's just to try to collect. Always collect bills.

[Brady Bogan]

Everyone gets spam calls.

[John Holmberg]

What is the phone number to Katie West? Let's see it. Is it recently changed? So 48-80-864-1060. All right, anyone who has credit problems, write that number down. 8, 6 0, 10 60, 8, 60, 4, 8, 6, 4. And when the creditors call, say you changed your number to that and just harass kus. So Corey has something to do all day answering phones of people who are trying to collect on Best Buy cards. Somebody just drew a picture and made an AI of a. Of a dinosaur driving a Hellcat. Nice job, Kyle. Wow, that was fast. Kyle, that's the coolest thing ever. If I was a teenager, I'd hang that poster in my room. All right, let's get to it. Who are these people? Oh, are we done? Yeah, we got them all. Taylor and Sam. All right. Oh, Taylor. What? You're right. They're both here. It's a shock. Taylor, are you there?

[Toledo]

Yeah, I'm here.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Sam, are you there?

[Toledo]

Yes, I'm here.

[John Holmberg]

All right, Taylor, go ahead. You're a girl. Pick a square.

[Brady Bogan]

Go.

[John Holmberg]

I'll do the secret square. All right, secret square. Any guesses? It is Helen Keller. Exactly right. Congratulations, you got me fictional Helen Keller. He was so good at it. That's one of a kind. Okay, off to Sam. Now. Make your selection. Let me do Barack and Big Mike. All right, well, don't say, I'm going to do Barack and Big Mike. He might take you literally, and the next thing you know, you're in a. You're in a sandwich. It's she, Mr. President. She who? Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know the guy on the phone was a she. I'm sorry if I. The guy on the phone is a woman. No, the guy can't tell whether it's between a girl and a guy. Let me just. I'll speak it from experience. Look, Big Mike, I was talking to the lady on the line. Please. Sorry about that. Question for the two of you. Real quick. What's the woman's name on the phone? Taylor. And the other woman? Sam. Sam, go ahead. All right, Sam. Having daughters decreases life expectancy for fathers. True or falls? I hope so, because I'm going through hell right now, and I've got two And I know Big Mike's dad's no longer with us. Hey, do me a favor there, Barry. Oh, God. What is it? You gotta pop this C ring off. It's cutting off circulation. Oh, God. Hang on a second, guys. I gotta. Here's some bolt cutters. I gotta pop my wife's. Thank you, bro. Pop my wife's C ring off. Jeez. There we go. Sorry about that, Big Mike. We need to get the X xl. You're telling me. Look at it. Kind of looks like somebody squeezed a sock full of lemons. All right, now it'll hopefully swell back up. All right. Better hope it swells back up or I'll use my arm. All right. I am living a nightmare. At least the arm is smaller. That's true. Good point. Although she does have some pretty big arms. All right, Sam, are you saying true or false? What's the question? Having daughters decreases life expectancy for fathers. True or false? I got this one, button dick. All right, Big Mike says she's going to answer. Okay, having daughters. That's false. All right. Having daughters increases the life expectancy of.

[Brady Bogan]

A man and happiness, clearly.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. You're saying false. No. Sam, do you agree or decide? We're like the cast of Fame up here. We're going to live forever. I'm going to. I'm gonna disagree. Incorrect. Exit the square. Oh, boy. And Taylor could get the win. Oh, boy, indeed. Boy, oh, boy. Taylor, if you. Yeah. All right, let's get this done. Tom Brennaman, former voice of the Diamondbacks. Until I said a horrible thing here and then a horrible thing somewhere else. And now I'm the host of WFGS Radio. I have a spot if you want to hop over here in Bradenwood, Ohio, 400 miles outside of Cincinnati. You can hear it on translator XYL Schwa 7159er. What a dark corner of Ohio. Mornings with Brennaman. Go on. It is illegal to own more than five dildos in Texas. What?

[Brady Bogan]

Corey.

[John Holmberg]

Adam. Yeah, I thought. It's a. Doors. Is. Is it illegal? It is illegal to own more than five dildos in Texas. Sorry, Dillo's got my brain all mixed up. Isolate that. By the way. Just. I don't need a butt in. But if you tape them all together, it's just one big deal, though. Or don't I know it. That's more convenient. I gotta tell you, Thriller, I'm not allowed to be on a lot of radio stations anymore. And here you are asking me questions about dildos. What are you the mayor of city. Hey, hey, come on. Hey. Like to give a shout out to my brothers out there at Beta Theta PI.

[Brady Bogan]

And don't say, come on, what's up?

[John Holmberg]

Anyway. Host of WFGS radio, 400 miles from the closest listener and still better than Katy west in Arizona. Alright, so are you saying true or false to it being illegal to own five or. I gotta tell you, Thriller, I don't know that it's legal to own five dildos in any states in the United States. What do you need five for? Maybe we should ask Taylor. Ask Big Mike Taylor. Slide open that drawer and tell me how many you carry. No, thank you. You know, I drove through Texas once. Oh, I was running over dildos like crazy armadillos. Brady just wrote that. He was trying to make another character out of a. Like a creature with a shell. He seems right.

[Brady Bogan]

I need to bring up the list again.

[John Holmberg]

I liked it. Brady. Anyway, I'd say it's probably illegal to own five dildos. If you've got five dildos, you probably got five victims somewhere in the house. Okay. Or one. So you are saying true. Probably true. Taylor for the win. Are you saying. Are you agreeing, agreeing or disagreeing? I'm disagreeing. Incorrect.

[Brady Bogan]

Then.

[John Holmberg]

What'S going on here? All right, next one gets it. Next one gets it. Off to Sam. Make your selection. Let me do a garage clean up, Brady. All right, good thinking, man. How about your garage? You want me to come by and move all the stuff out of it into a new place? Yeah.

[Toledo]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

I'll take your garage and I'll take all the junk in it and I'll move it to a place in your house that didn't have junk. Junk before. Clean your garage. Don't throw anything away, though. You never know what might be valuable. Like old tin cans. Got tons of those. Well, the beer cans are more important. Oh, man, are those cool. I can't say any of those dinosaur names. That one is a Fuku Raptor. I think it's something else. Let me handle that one. That's called a you Raptor. There is a bell. That one says that. I can tell you right now that's my favorite dinosaur. I love the you raptor. I love it. I used to. I have a little toy in my office and every time a Democratic senator comes in, I'm like, hey, say hello to my. You raptor. Drives a hellcat. I got a question for Brady here. Oh, yeah, go ahead. During World War II, the thriller, I gave you a new nickname. Oh, thank you. I piled on I'll take anything more than Slinky. Don't call me Slinky. No, you're not a Slinky yet. You're on the right. The barrel's not going the right direction. All right, go ahead, ask away. All right. During World War II, the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence were stored at Fort Knox.

[Brady Bogan]

True or false?

[John Holmberg]

With all that gold? Wait, whose gold was it? Huh? Ours. Whose did you think it was? Sure it was. Oh, you're one of those anti Americans. Here's my friend. You guys should hang out. I'll say that's true. Probably the safest place to put really good stuff. All right, we're saying true.

[Brady Bogan]

Wait a minute.

[John Holmberg]

Nicolas Cage didn't steal it from Fort Knox, did he? It was underneath the Capitol building. Yeah, Nicholas Cage wouldn't lie to me. False. Changing my answer. Okay, you're saying false. Now, Sam, for the win here, do you agree or disagree with False? I disagree. That is correct.

[Toledo]

Nice.

[John Holmberg]

Sam gets it win, bud. All right, we'll give them both something. We got things. I don't know if we have two pairs, but we'll find something for you, Taylor. Hang on. She get as many squares right as he did? It's not fair. Well, you need to really work on renaming some of those dinosaurs. As you went through that scroll page, I was like, that one's no good. That one's no good. We actually have a dinosaur called the. You two of them. Raptor. The Raptor and the fu. A few. Asaurus. I missed that. Oh. Oh, there's an fu. Raptor. And Fu. Asaurus. Yes. They're gonna probably make that joke at some point in Jurassic World. I'm certain of it. Did they? No. They're going to at some point, though. Yeah. On the right, it's the source.

[Brady Bogan]

Scarlett Johansson rides in the latest.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. Brady. Dirty Brady. Filthy Brady. He's ready for vacation. Come on, ship it. Get it out of here. Dinger. Dinger will always make me laugh. There you go. It's 10. 10 podcasters to get the. The. Yeah. That was a goof. Yeah, I screwed that up. I thought somebody said something else. Sounded very close, but it wasn't even that word. I thought I heard a cuss in there. I heard the dinger part, I started laughing, and then I thought somebody said. I thought it might have been me. It's terrifying. Anyway, it's tempted. That was fun. I enjoy the squares. We're done for a week, right? Yeah. Well, you have to go stand at a radio station. You might as well not show up. Nobody's gonna notice.

[Brady Bogan]

Can't you do this from home?

[John Holmberg]

No, no, Just listen, and if it gets real quiet, drive down. I got 20 minutes. Don't worry about it. Nobody will miss you.

[Toledo]

Actually, it'll take him an hour and a half.

[John Holmberg]

That's true, that's true. You should get a circumvent. Circumnavigate the globe. All right, we're done. You guys have yourselves a fantastic week. Fourth of July, do all that stuff and. And remember, number one day for your dogs to run away or have heart attacks. It's a nightmare for the Humane Society and all the shelters in town. The shelters are already loaded. Oh, they get. Yeah, they're already having enough trouble. They don't need you screwing around with fireworks and a dog that doesn't like them. So make sure your dogs are taken care of before you start playing blow em Ups. And also, don't blow stuff up if you've got a veteran neighbor. Think about it, right? Courtesy. They don't like it, be courteous. That's it. We're done. You guys have yourselves a glorious time. We'll talk to you when we come back. Sola, Arizona's most powerful radio station. He said fully erect, 98K.