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John Holmberg
You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. It's John Holmberg here, shilling away from my friends at New Vision Auto Glass. Here we go. Summer kickoff. And that means there are going to be a lot of cars on the roads with cracked windshields. These guys handle everything from the insurance company's questions to scheduling your windshield replacement. Sometimes the same day you call and you can get up to $375 cash back. Go to new visionautoglass.com find out what you qualify for. And don't forget, you get dinner from Rhodesio Grill, the world famous Brazil steakhouse. Call them up. 480-210-9090. New Vision Auto Glass, proud sponsor of the Arizona Diamondbacks. It's John Holberg here shailing away from our friends@newacunit.com New AC unit.com has simplified the process, eliminating middlemen, eliminating overhead costs and new ac unit.com cutting those costs means they have to pay less. And they pass that savings on to you and they back it all up with a 100% money back guarantee. Let me save some more. An additional $1,000 comes off the bill if you use the promo code Homburg. Simple as that. Getting a new AC unit has never been easier. Thanks to New Save thousands, save time. Buy online@newac unit.com hey, Byron, I was looking at mmpguns.com's website. You have everything and the prices are incredible. Yes, sir. Mmpguns.com has over 400,000 products for sale daily. Everything from firearms, ammunition, accessories, optics, clothing, decoys and more. The best part is if you see it on our website, it's in stock and ready to ship. Wait, there's no backorders? Nope. We work with all our distributors, so what you see on our site is what's actually available. We ship all over the country, so we're not just for Arizonans anymore. If the firearm you want is legal legal in your state, we can get it to a dealer for you to pick up. Sounds simple. That's why I always go to mmpguns.com still streaming Homberg's Morning Sickness online at 98kupd.com it's Friday. It's we're taking Are you taking next week off Thriller? No, Yours Back in to play more of what Women's gymnastics on the radio.
Corey Walsh
Now we're kind of in a quiet season right now. We're just going through the drafts.
John Holmberg
A very Quiet season.
Corey Walsh
Yeah.
John Holmberg
In the old Nobody's Listening Station. We should have shut down years ago, but I'm glad you're here.
Corey Walsh
Yeah.
John Holmberg
It's quiet over there at the 1530. What is it again? 1290, 1060.
Dick Toledo
That's right, man. You went through all of them.
John Holmberg
10, 95, 10. It is a quiet time for sports. Yeah, that no one listens to.
Corey Walsh
Now we hold on to the draft, and then the NFL picks up.
John Holmberg
You guys have moments of silence. No. No one would notice.
Corey Walsh
No one. We have spots.
John Holmberg
You do. We do commercials.
Corey Walsh
Yes.
John Holmberg
Paid for.
Dick Toledo
Yeah.
John Holmberg
Insane. I should call every advertiser and tell them they're wasting their money. We should advertise on there. We could get.
Corey Walsh
For, like, 10 bucks.
Dick Toledo
Yes.
John Holmberg
All of them. Yeah. We should inundate KDOS and advertising booty. There you go. That's glory.
Corey Walsh
There you go. Yeah, I know. Sadly, Chris isn't in right now, though. He's at a wedding.
John Holmberg
So now's the time to strike quiet time. He went to a wedding? Is he at the Bezos wedding?
Corey Walsh
No.
John Holmberg
I didn't think so, because, you know, it's not that big a deal over there at that. Anyway. Well, you're running the show this week.
Corey Walsh
Okay.
John Holmberg
All right. Good for you.
Corey Walsh
Let's do it.
John Holmberg
It's time for your Guadalupe Squares. Here's your host, Mr. Corey Thriller Walsh. Corey.
Corey Walsh
Thank you there, Chancellor. Let's begin topless, where Obama and Big Mike.
John Holmberg
First off, I gotta tell you. Hey, Brett. What's going on, buddy? How you doing? I'm not so great.
Corey Walsh
What's going on?
John Holmberg
I've got a cucumber in my ass. What? Yeah, Big Mike is just really. He's prepping me for the weekend. And I tell you right now, went out and got himself a big old. You know what? I don't think it's big enough. Barry. Hang on. Hey, gang. What's going on? Big Mike here. Yeah. You send me some goddamn courtesy. I was the first lady, okay? Anyway, I'm shoving things in him because we got a big weekend and I want to make sure he's prepared.
Corey Walsh
You guys got the tarp or.
John Holmberg
We got a tarp down? Metamucil. I'll tell you what, it's. You think those bunker busters were badass. Holy cow. I never felt more pain in my. Then becoming Big Mike's bottle. Right in the chocolate lebaron. This weekend we've made several chocolate lebarons. And that is my new nickname, Chocolate lebaron. Oh, no. We're just trying to keep it private. Also, the Guy smokes too much. Brutal. I'm trying to. Don't you smoke? Not like. Not like Big Mike. I got cigarettes.
Corey Walsh
I've seen you puffing.
John Holmberg
I've puffed, but it's just to forget the pain and to numb the senses. Yeah, I smoke. I make smoke. That's right. From the friction, baby. Big Mike up in the house, doing podcasts all weekend long. Tell you. Hey, I want some privacy. Brett, former first lady. My husband and I, we're not social. We're not running around social media out there. What's the privacy around here? That's right. You listen to Big Mike if you know what's good for you. Everybody, please, for God's sakes.
Corey Walsh
We'll do our best to respect it. After the squares.
John Holmberg
You look like one of them Crenshaw mafia mother. No, it's me, Barry. It's gonna be a rough one.
Corey Walsh
You two have fun. Let's hop on over to the top. Middle square. Liam Neeson joining us.
John Holmberg
That's right. I've got a movie coming up this weekend. Tell them about the movie. Thriller.
Corey Walsh
I've totally seen the trailer. You are saving someone.
John Holmberg
I'm a road trucker.
Corey Walsh
Someone is where they shouldn't be, and you're gonna put them where they should be.
John Holmberg
Nailed it. Pretty. Pretty accurate. That's actually excellent. Excellent work. No. As we discussed earlier, okay. I have an ice road trucker. Oh, no. The most dangerous kind of ice road trucking. The driver is looking for vengeance, and he happens to be trying to climb Mount Everest in a truck. Quiet down. It all makes sense. Okay, well, when I read the script, I looked at the writer and I said, is this really. And then he said, just nod, and I. It makes sense. So I drive an ice road truck, okay, Up Mount Everest to save a school bus filled with children. What? Yes.
Corey Walsh
That's made up.
John Holmberg
That's a stretch.
Corey Walsh
Yeah.
John Holmberg
Wait, Everest is actually how it's pronounced. Oh. The school bus is lost. The school bus has made a left turn somewhere. The Sherpas. Misguided them. And those kids are in trouble. And it's up to me and my ice road truck and all my vengeance.
Corey Walsh
You're on a mission to get a van full of kids. Is that.
John Holmberg
Shut up. It makes sense. It's a totally plausible theory.
Dick Toledo
It's a comedy, right?
John Holmberg
No, instead. Set on serious Set. Dial to serious. You remember my first one, Brady? The first one. Nice. Road trucker. Awesome. No. Vengeance. Then something happened between that.
Corey Walsh
Happy ending.
John Holmberg
Yeah, no, we had a nice time. And then the next time around. Oh, Vengeance. Let me tell you. So the first time, Freddie, you probably saw it. I did, yeah. And you're driving. Capra's got nothing but time on his hands. He saw this thing you drive. I drove my ice road truck and I saved lives. Correct. But I did it with a smile. But now I'm doing With vengeance. In fact, I don't know if you know this. The whole movie was improvised. Oh, that's true. It's an ice road improv troupe. Larry David and all the cast. Amazing. Curb your ice road enthusiasm. With vengeance, release the Kraken. That's the best line in the movie. We get to the top of Everest and the kids are still in trouble.
Dick Toledo
Supposed to be on mountains.
John Holmberg
Shut up. It makes sense. And I'm also. And then I have to say, ah, I'm not winning. With vengeance, release the Kraken. And he comes out in the mountains. Most of the killing at base camp. Most of it has to be done at base camp because otherwise we're on a very heavy slope. Slant. Damn it. I can't get away with this.
Dick Toledo
Incline.
Corey Walsh
Slippery slope.
John Holmberg
Incline. There it is. Either way, I'm making Brent upset. Don't say slant or slope around the Sherpas.
Corey Walsh
I'm sure he'll do fine in the box office there. So thank you for joining us. Hop on over to Ellie. Top right square. President Trump. How you doing?
John Holmberg
I'm doing great, too. I did Iran with a vengeance last weekend. Very vengeful towards the Iranians and what's his name? The Brady. The Ayatollah Kanani. I'm not a fan of his. Not a fan. But you know what? He's very apologetic.
Corey Walsh
You got choice words.
John Holmberg
He gave me. He gave me a heads up on the missiles. And I really appreciate. You know what? I think that's fantastic, baby. I went to. After I bombed Iran, I felt pretty good. I went home and I said, melania, take your pants off. We're gonna. Because I love saying that word. I love saying it. And I said, you know what? And then I. Right there.
Corey Walsh
Oh, wow.
John Holmberg
And then I called in the press and I said, you know what? Has anyone seen Melania? She looks like a freshly bought after a forest fire. Super hot. Oh. So I gave it to her. Yeah. You know what, Corey? I'm looking at you, I'm thinking, baby, I want to you too. I like saying the word a lot. That's what Big Mike said, too.
Corey Walsh
Yeah.
John Holmberg
Big Mike likes doing the word. No, no, no, no, no. And the other, the N word. The N word. Nuclear. There is only One nuclear. Don't.
Corey Walsh
One of these days I'm scared you're gonna say it.
John Holmberg
I love that N word. I love it very much. I. I say the N word and people shudder in fear. That's for sure. And you know I can't stand that mother. Gavin Newsome. He looks like Mr. Hanky from. Or not Mr. Hanky, but the big headed teacher on South park is Mr. I forgot his name for some reason. I'm in character so much right now. I realize that. I watch so much soft fuck and he doesn't. Wow, Mr. Mackey. There you go, Mr. Mackey. He looks like Mr. Mackey with good hair. I hate that guy. I hate his whole family. I don't know why. I just had. You know what? Cause I was thinking of Gavin Newsom and my head was in a spin. Just can't stand the guy. By the way, Brett, how the are you doing? Good to see Brett Toledo. Go yourself. Hey, hey, hey. Toledo's so dumb. He's been so dumb so long he doesn't know what the he's doing. I'm an effective president.
Dick Toledo
When's that T shirt come out?
John Holmberg
Soon, I hope. Anyway, I'm the president of these united motherf ing states.
Corey Walsh
That's right, sir. Especially next Friday.
Dick Toledo
By the way, Mr. Mackey is who you're.
John Holmberg
That's what I already said, Toledo. Thanks for paying attention. What a dumb cuck he is. Anyway, go on.
Corey Walsh
Let's go on now to the middle left square. Tom Brennaman joining us.
John Holmberg
I don't know why you introduced me that way. Thriller. From WFGS radio, it's Tom Brennaman.
Corey Walsh
I need to recognize the same name.
John Holmberg
Morning show host of 1710 WFGS Brennaman in the morning. It's a tough week doing sports radio for a guy like me. We had the disabled pride flag night.
Dick Toledo
Oof.
John Holmberg
Good job. And then of course, Wednesday night, Cooper flag nice gets drafted. And I had a boy, oh boy. I had a hell of a time looking at that word, not saying the big boy.
Dick Toledo
What about all the other foreign born players?
John Holmberg
Don't care what? Oh, here's what I think.
Corey Walsh
Okay.
John Holmberg
And I'm a man of faith. We all know. There goes a deep drive by Castellano.
Dick Toledo
Oh, something bad's coming.
John Holmberg
I'm a man of faith and I know one thing. I envisioned it in a dream through Ayahuasca run. Oh, God hates flags. The whole Cooper flag family, I can tell you right now, God hates flags. Oh, you heard it here first on WFGS radio. Tom Brennaman here's my partner, Beth Moen. What do you think, cowgirl? I just think you should probably stop talking about that Tom. I don't know what's wrong with her voice and we just run with it. But I'll tell you right now, WFGS is number one in the ratings because people just keep on waiting for me to screw up. Mm.
Corey Walsh
They're all tuning in to see what happens.
John Holmberg
It's all WNBA radio this week on fgs. That's great. Good work, cowboy.
Corey Walsh
All right, now, hopping over to the middle square, we have garage cleanup. Brady.
John Holmberg
That's right. You know how to clean a garage? Yeah. You take everything out of it. You put it somewhere else.
Corey Walsh
That's right.
Dick Toledo
And then clean it.
John Holmberg
The garage is clean.
Corey Walsh
There you go. Mission accomplished.
John Holmberg
Now I have a problem in the backyard. Oh, that's okay.
Dick Toledo
How long's that gonna last?
John Holmberg
I don't know. Twitter. Thanks to my friends at Diamond Coating for coming on by. And Brady's cup. That has a beautiful slick garage floor to ruin with a bunch of junk. That's what I'm gonna do too.
Corey Walsh
Oh, it's not junk.
Dick Toledo
Well, you're not gonna put cars on it.
John Holmberg
Nope, can't put it. It's a three car garage. Only fits two. That third stall's not built for a car.
Corey Walsh
That's for the fridge.
John Holmberg
For the fridges.
Corey Walsh
Oh, you gotta get all the fitness.
John Holmberg
Equipment and the fitness equipment. Oh yeah, the exercise stuff. Yeah, that's right. My bow flex. My bro flex I call it. Because me and my bro flex, I like going in the fridge, grabbing some brisket, sitting down on that super comfy bench in the Broflex, chowing down. That's a workout.
Dick Toledo
When does the AC get installed in the garage?
John Holmberg
Oh, we've got that early. It just sits in the middle where the car would be. But there's no reason for that. I'm a hoarder. Go Ohio State. No rapes since 2025.
Corey Walsh
Let's hope it gets better from here. Hopping on over now to the midd square, we have Tyrone and Tyronasaurus together.
John Holmberg
It's Tyrone and Tyron. We're brothers. Oh, Brady can't say Tyrannosaurus Rex, so he keeps inventing new ghetto versions of dinosaurs. I'm Tyrannosaurus Rex. Say hello, Tyron. I'm Tyrannosaurus Rex. We're the same guy, same family. Everybody says we look alike, but you know what that means.
Corey Walsh
What's that?
John Holmberg
That's racist.
Corey Walsh
Oh, from Ohio.
John Holmberg
Who'da thought not all us dinosaurs look exactly the same. Ain't that right, Tyrone? That's right, Tyrone. We ain't the same at all. In fact, our father, Tyrone Sr. Jr. Jr. Sr. Is the same guy. Oh, he tells us. Hey, these kids are gonna be mean to say you look alike, but that ain't right. Ain't that right, Bronnie Saurus? That's right. Brady invented me. I'm Bronisaurus. Can't say the real way, so we might as well make him an NBA player. Tyron, Tyrone, Bronny. We all got drafted by the NBA. That's right. This is my other guy. He's a Bronasaurus. He's a Bronasaurus. He's one of my bros. What's up, bro? What's up, Tyrone? Tyrone. What's the other guy's name? I forgot. Bronnie. Bronnie Sauce. This is to all of them.
Corey Walsh
You're forgetting all your friends.
John Holmberg
We should have Brady try to read off all the dinosaurs and see how many of them are racist.
Corey Walsh
Oh, man.
John Holmberg
Half of them will come out like they come from Maryvale.
Corey Walsh
Dinosaur Hour with Brady. Just you wait.
John Holmberg
You've never seen a velociraptor until you heard Brady say it, because he'll come at your house in a hellcat. Hey, did I just see what I think I saw? Did Brady just accidentally invent a hellcat? Traffic Velociraptor.
Corey Walsh
Or at least make him spell pterodactyl.
John Holmberg
You want to try to say that one. Pteranodactyl. T Ral Dactyl.
Corey Walsh
Better than Tyrell Dactyl.
John Holmberg
Don't even start. You got the list on the tv. Brady's gonna lose his mind.
Corey Walsh
That was his Afro. Hold on.
John Holmberg
Wait a minute.
Corey Walsh
Second one, middle second one, second row.
John Holmberg
The one down. The second one seven row is Afro Venator. I know that guy. I went to school with him at Bedford Stack.
Corey Walsh
Oh, no way.
John Holmberg
How about the one in the south, far right, which is Fat Albert Satricius? It does say that. Oh, my gosh. There's all sorts of them in there. There's Amnesiasaurus. There's Amosaurus. There's Liquishiasaurus. Brady's Guide to the Black Community's Dinosaurs.
Corey Walsh
Wow.
John Holmberg
That's pretty impressive, Brady.
Corey Walsh
There's a whole page for each letter. Oh, no.
John Holmberg
There's one for each letter. We in trouble?
Corey Walsh
That's a Bogusaur. No.
John Holmberg
Go to the D part of the Alphabet of Dinosaurs and see if there's any apostrophes. There's something, something. Check out Homburg's morning sickness podcast@98kupd.com it's.
Dick Toledo
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John Holmberg
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Corey Walsh
Oh, there is.
John Holmberg
Oh, yeah, there is. Hey, Dante Soros Deontay.
Corey Walsh
I think that says Delta.
John Holmberg
I think they're all. Is that Donut Osaurus? That's the police. Ooh. Tinger is a dinosaur. You fell into the same trap in Colorado. I see what you're doing. Brady's gonna get everybody in trouble. Dinger saurus. They do have one of those. And it got everybody yelled at.
Corey Walsh
All right, let's try that one.
John Holmberg
No, not N. Don't you do that. I'll do it. I love the I love the N words. I love those.
Corey Walsh
Wow.
John Holmberg
There's a few of them you shouldn't say.
Corey Walsh
First one, second row. First one, second row.
John Holmberg
I'll tell you right now, if you're at work, don't go through the N part of dinosaurs. Evidently, the clan named a lot of dinosaurs. My God. Get that off our screen.
Dick Toledo
Didn't expect it yet. Totally expected it.
John Holmberg
No, I didn't expect it. That's coming from me.
Corey Walsh
It's based on the country name, of course. Yes, yes.
Dick Toledo
You keep saying that, Corey.
John Holmberg
Don't do that. Okay, change the name of that one. My God.
Corey Walsh
Off to the bottom left square. Our Brady secret square. Give us a hint.
John Holmberg
Would you like some Wawa? She says her name rhymes with Stellan Smeller. She put it into my fist. Fist me. Fist me. Helen. Yes, I agree.
Dick Toledo
That's really how she communicates.
John Holmberg
Yes. She's written a book.
Corey Walsh
Yeah, you got her between writing books.
John Holmberg
She graduated from Harvard. It's all real. It rhymes with Stellan Smeller.
Corey Walsh
Well, let's not hurt you guys very much more here. Let's hop on now to the bottom of the square. Outlaw Scooby and Shaggy.
John Holmberg
Zoinks. Like, we made an appearance on the show yesterday, didn't we, Scoob? And we were killing people like crazy. It's a crazy world. We scoop outlaws. That's why we robbed a guy. We were in the Brady Report robbing people. Wasn't that right, Scoob? Yeah. That's all he says. Man, we're gonna kill Old Man Winkle today. That's for sure. The carnival's mine.
Corey Walsh
You want to own it? Well, best whatever you want from me, you can have it.
John Holmberg
He's out of control.
Corey Walsh
Could be.
Dick Toledo
Blink twice if you're okay.
John Holmberg
Yeah, you better blink, dog. If you know what's good for you? You'll get a Scooby. Sn the eyes. Blink, blink, breath. Oh.
Corey Walsh
Oh, jeez. Okay, now on over to the bottom right square. Our Lord and savior trip read.
John Holmberg
Yeah.
Corey Walsh
How you doing, sir?
John Holmberg
Oh, yeah, I do my impression of Shaggy and Scooby like that.
Corey Walsh
Okay.
John Holmberg
Zinks.
Corey Walsh
Scary.
John Holmberg
Yeah. The complaint call. Zoink. Somebody wanted you fired.
Corey Walsh
Wanted me?
John Holmberg
Yeah.
Corey Walsh
What did I do?
John Holmberg
I'm kidding. No one calls about you.
Corey Walsh
Bother somebody, they're real bored.
John Holmberg
Yeah. You know what's funny about your radio station? You were asked earlier if there's a moment of silence on it. Only by the audience. They're the ones that are dead quiet.
Corey Walsh
You can check our phone logs. They do call.
John Holmberg
Yeah. Okay. Kevin from Discover Card. Exactly. Usually it's just to try to collect. Always. How dare you collect bills? Everyone gets spam calls. What is the phone number to Katie West?
Corey Walsh
Let's see it Is it recently changed? So 480-864-1060.
John Holmberg
All right, anyone who has credit problems, write that number down. 860-1060-860486-41060. And when the creditors call, say you changed your number to that and just harass k. So Corey has something to do all day. Answering phones of people who are trying to collect on Best Buy cards. Somebody just drew a picture and made an AI of a. Of a dinosaur driving a hellcat. Nice job, Kyle. Wow, that was fast. C. That's the coolest thing ever. If I was a teenager, I'd hang that poster in my room. All right, let's get to it. Who are these people? Oh, are we done? Yeah, we got them over Taylor and Sam. All right. Oh, Taylor, What? Are you all right?
Corey Walsh
They're both here. It's a shock.
John Holmberg
Taylor, are you there? Yeah, I'm here. All right, Sam, are you there?
Corey Walsh
Yes, I'm here.
John Holmberg
All right, Taylor, go ahead. You're a girl. Pick a square. Go. I'll do the secret square.
Corey Walsh
All right. Secret square.
John Holmberg
Any guesses? It is Helen Keller. Exactly right. Congratulations, you got me fictional Helen Keller.
Corey Walsh
He was so good at one of a kind. Okay, off to Sam now. Make your selection.
John Holmberg
Let me do Barack and Big Mike. All right, well, don't say, I'm going to do Barack and Big Mike. He might take you literally. And the next thing you know, you're in a. You're in a sandwich. It's she, Mr. President. She who? Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know the guy on the phone was a she. I'm sorry if I offended You.
Corey Walsh
Big Mike?
John Holmberg
The guy on the phone is a woman. No, the guy can't tell. But a girl and a guy. Let me just. I'll speak it from experience. Look, Big Mike, I was talking to the lady on the line.
Corey Walsh
Please.
John Holmberg
Sorry about that.
Corey Walsh
Question for the two of you, real quick.
John Holmberg
What's the woman's name on the phone? Taylor. And the other woman? Sam. Sam. Go ahead.
Corey Walsh
All right, Sam. Having daughters decreases life expectancy for fathers. True or false?
John Holmberg
I hope so, because I'm going through hell right now. And I've got two. And I know Big Mike's dad's no longer with us. Hey, do me a favor there, Barry. Oh, God. What is it? You gotta pop this C ring off. It's cutting off circulars. Hang on a second, guys. I gotta. Here's some bolt cutters. Pop my wife's. Thank you, bro. Pop my wife's C ring off. Sorry about that, Big Mike. We need to get the xxl. You're telling me. Look at it. Kind of looks like somebody squeezed a sock full of lemons. All right, now it'll hopefully swell back on. You better hope it swells back up or I'll use my arm. All right, I am living a nightmare.
Corey Walsh
At least the arm is smaller.
John Holmberg
That's true. Good point. Although she does have some pretty big arms.
Corey Walsh
All right, Sam, are you saying true or false?
John Holmberg
What's the question? I know you asked us.
Corey Walsh
Yep. Having daughters decreases life expectancy for fathers. True or false?
John Holmberg
I got this one, button dick. All right, Big Mike says she's gonna answer. Okay, that's false.
Corey Walsh
All right.
John Holmberg
Having daughters increases the life expectancy of.
Dick Toledo
A man and happiness, clearly.
John Holmberg
That's right.
Corey Walsh
You're saying false. No. Sam, do you agree or disagree?
John Holmberg
We're like the cast of Fame up here. We're gonna live forever. I'm gonna. I'm gonna Disagree.
Corey Walsh
Incorrect. Exit the square.
John Holmberg
Oh, boy.
Corey Walsh
And Taylor could get the win with Tom. Oh, boy, indeed.
John Holmberg
Boy, oh, boy. Taylor, if you. Yeah. All right, let's get this done. Tom Brady, former voice of the Diamondbacks. Until I said a horrible thing here and then a horrible thing somewhere else. And now I'm the host of WFGS Radio.
Corey Walsh
We might have a spot if you want to hop over here in Bradenwood.
John Holmberg
Ohio, 400 miles outside of Cincinnati. You can hear it on Translator XYL Schwa 7159er.
Dick Toledo
What a dark corner of Ohio.
John Holmberg
Mornings with Brennaman. Go on.
Corey Walsh
It is illegal to own more than five dildos in Texas.
John Holmberg
What? Corey, Adam. Dildos.
Dick Toledo
Saying that word Yeah, I thought.
Corey Walsh
It's a. Doors. Is it illegal? It is illegal to own more than five dildos in Texas. Sorry, dildos get my brain all mixed up.
John Holmberg
Isolate that. By the way, just. I don't need to butt in. But if you tape them all together, it's just one big dildo. Or don't. I know.
Corey Walsh
That's more convenient.
John Holmberg
I gotta tell you, Thriller, I'm not allowed to be on a lot of radio stations anymore. And here you are asking me questions about dildos. What are you, the mayor of city?
Corey Walsh
Hey, hey, come on.
John Holmberg
He'd like to give a shout out to my brothers out there at Beta Theta PI.
Dick Toledo
And don't say, come on.
John Holmberg
What's up? Anyway, Host of WFGS radio, 400 miles from the closest listener and still better than Katy west in Arizona.
Corey Walsh
All right, so are you saying true or false to it being illegal to own five or more?
John Holmberg
Tell you, Thriller, I don't know that it's legal to own five dildos in any states in the United States. What do you need five for? Maybe we should ask Taylor. Ask Big Mike Taylor. Slide open that drawer and tell me how many you carry. No, thank you. You know, I drove through Texas once. Oh. I was running over dildos like crazy. Arma Dildos. Brady just wrote he was trying to make another character out of a. Like a creature with a shell.
Corey Walsh
He seems right.
John Holmberg
I liked it. Brady. Anyway, I'd say it's probably illegal to own five dildos. If you've got five dildos, you probably got five victims somewhere in the house. Okay. Or one.
Corey Walsh
So you are saying true.
John Holmberg
Probably.
Corey Walsh
Taylor for the win. Are you saying. Are you agreeing or disagreeing?
John Holmberg
I'm disagreeing.
Dick Toledo
Incorrect.
Corey Walsh
Then what's going on here?
John Holmberg
All right, next one gets it.
Corey Walsh
Next one gets it. Off to Sam. Make your selection.
John Holmberg
Let me do a garage cleanup. Brady. All right, good thinking, man. How about your garage? Want me to come by and move all the stuff out of it into a new place? Yeah, okay. I'll take your garage and I'll take all the junk in and I'll move it to a place in your house that didn't have junk before. Clean your garage. Don't throw anything away, though. You never know what might be valuable. Like old tin cans. Got tons of those.
Corey Walsh
Well, the beer cans are more important.
John Holmberg
Oh, man, are those cool. I can't see any of those dinosaur names. The beginnings. That one is a Fuku Raptor. I think it's something else. Let me handle that one. That's called a you Raptor. Clear as a bet. That one says that. I can tell you right now, that's my favorite dinosaur. I love the. You Raptor. I love it. I used to. I have a little toy in my office, and every time a Democratic senator comes in, I'm like, hey, say hello to my E. Raptor drives a Hellcat.
Corey Walsh
I got a question for Brady here.
John Holmberg
Oh, yeah, go ahead.
Corey Walsh
During World War II, the thrillinater.
John Holmberg
I gave you a new nickname.
Corey Walsh
Oh, thank you.
John Holmberg
I piled on.
Corey Walsh
I'll take anything more than Slinky. Don't call me Slinky.
John Holmberg
No, you're not a Slinky yet. You're on the right. The barrel's not going the right direction. Go ahead, ask away.
Corey Walsh
All right. During World War II, the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence were stored at Fort Knox. True or false?
John Holmberg
With all that gold.
Corey Walsh
Wait, whose gold was it?
John Holmberg
Huh? Ours. Whose did you think it was?
Corey Walsh
Sure it was.
John Holmberg
Oh, you're one of those anti Americans. Here's my friend Toledo. You guys should hang out. Uh, I'll say that's true. Probably the safest place to put really good stuff.
Corey Walsh
All right, we're saying true. Wait a minute.
John Holmberg
Nicolas Cage didn't steal it from Fort Knox, did he? It was underneath the Capitol building. Yeah, Nicolas Cage wouldn't lie to me. False. Oh, changing my answer.
Corey Walsh
Okay, you're saying false now, Sam, for the win here. Do you agree or disagree with.
John Holmberg
False? I disagree.
Corey Walsh
That is correct.
John Holmberg
Nice. Sam gets it.
Corey Walsh
Good win, bud.
John Holmberg
All right, we'll give them both something. We get things. I don't know. We have two pairs, but we'll find something for you, Taylor. Hang on. She get as many squares right as he did? It's not fair. Well, you need to really work on renaming some of those dinosaurs. As you went through that scroll page, I was like, that one's no good. That one's no good. We actually have a dinosaur called the.
Corey Walsh
You two of them.
John Holmberg
Raptor.
Dick Toledo
The Raptor and the Fu.
John Holmberg
Fuosaurus. I missed that. Oh. Oh, there's an fu. Raptor and Fuosaurus.
Corey Walsh
They're gonna probably make that joke at some point in Jurassic World. I'm certain of it. Did they? No. They're going to at some point, though. Yeah. On the right. It's the source.
John Holmberg
Scarlett Johansson rides in the latest. Wow.
Dick Toledo
Brady. Dirty Brady.
John Holmberg
Filthy Brady. He's ready for vacation.
Corey Walsh
Come on, ship it. Get it out of here.
John Holmberg
Dinger. Dinger will always make me laugh. There you go. It's 10.
Dick Toledo
10 podcasters to get the.
John Holmberg
Yeah, that was a goof. Yeah, I screwed that up. I thought somebody said something else, but it wasn't even that word. I thought I heard a cuss in there. I heard the dinger part, I started laughing. And then I thought somebody said, I thought it might have been me. It's terrifying. Anyway, it's 10 to that was fun. I enjoy the squares. We're done for a week, right?
Corey Walsh
Yeah, you guys are.
John Holmberg
Well, you have to go stand at a radio station. You might as well not show up. Nobody's going to know this.
Dick Toledo
Can't you do this from home?
John Holmberg
No, just listen and if it gets real quiet, drive down.
Corey Walsh
I got 20 minutes.
John Holmberg
Don't worry about it. Nobody will miss you.
Dick Toledo
Actually, it'll take him an hour and a half.
Corey Walsh
That's true.
John Holmberg
That's true. You should get a circumvent. Circumnavigate the globe. All right, we're done. You guys have yourselves a fantastic week. Fourth of July, do all that stuff. And remember, number one day for your dogs to run away or have heart attacks. It's a nightmare for the Humane Society and all the shelters in town.
Dick Toledo
The shelters are already loaded.
John Holmberg
Oh, they get. Yeah, they're already having an trouble. They don't need you screwing around with fireworks and a dog that doesn't like them. So make sure your dogs are taken care of before you start playing Blow em Ups. And also, don't blow stuff up. If you've got a veteran neighbor. Think about it. Right?
Dick Toledo
Courtesy.
John Holmberg
They don't like, be courteous. That's it. We're done. You guys have yourselves a glorious time. We'll talk to you when we come back solo. Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect 98.
Release Date: June 29, 2025
Host: John Holmberg
Guests: Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo
Podcast Platform: 98KUPD (97.9 FM), 98kupd.com
The episode kicks off with co-host Corey Walsh and John Holmberg discussing the current lull in the sports calendar. Holmberg humorously refers to their station as the "old Nobody's Listening Station," lamenting the lack of engaging content during this period.
Overview:
"Guad Squares" is the highlight of the episode, where Holmberg and Walsh delve into a series of humorous and satirical takes on various topics, ranging from political figures to pop culture icons. Each square introduces a new theme, often accompanied by improvisational dialogue and playful banter.
a. Obama and Big Mike [03:10 - 04:59]
The hosts parody a fictional interaction between former President Obama and a character named Big Mike, highlighting Big Mike's over-the-top preparation for the weekend.
b. Liam Neeson Movie Spoof [05:03 - 07:23]
A humorous take on a Liam Neeson action movie, where Holmberg imagines himself as an ice road trucker scaling Mount Everest to save a school bus full of children, blending absurdity with action tropes.
c. President Trump Parody [07:23 - 10:00]
Holmberg adopts a satirical persona of President Trump, delivering exaggerated and crude remarks about international relations and personal life.
d. Tom Brennaman on WFGS Radio [10:13 - 11:41]
A mock interview with Tom Brennaman, focusing on a controversial "disabled pride flag night" and the ensuing chaos, blending sports radio clichés with comedic misunderstandings.
e. Garage Cleanup with Brady [11:41 - 12:55]
A lighthearted discussion about organizing a cluttered garage, infused with jokes about hoarding and misplacing valuable items.
f. Tyroneasaurus and Tyronasaurus – Dinosaur Satire [13:01 - 15:27]
Holmberg and co-hosts create fictional dinosaur names with racial undertones, satirizing the invention of "ghetto versions of dinosaurs" and mocking cultural appropriation in naming conventions.
g. Outlaw Shaggy and Scooby Doo Parody [19:55 - 21:00]
A comedic twist on the classic "Scooby-Doo" characters, portraying them as outlaws involved in robberies and chaotic activities.
Notable Quote:
Overview:
The hosts engage with callers Taylor and Sam through a trivia-style quiz, featuring true or false questions that blend factual information with absurd scenarios.
a. Caller Taylor [22:32 - 23:01]
b. Caller Sam [23:01 - 25:07]
Notable Moments:
The episode concludes with Holmberg addressing local community concerns, particularly focusing on dog safety during Fourth of July fireworks. The hosts emphasize responsible pet ownership and consideration for veterans who may be affected by loud noises.
Holmberg wraps up the episode with well-wishes for the upcoming Fourth of July celebrations, blending humor with genuine advice for listeners to ensure a safe and enjoyable holiday.
Humorous Parodies: The episode is rich with satire, particularly targeting political figures and pop culture icons through exaggerated impersonations and fictional scenarios.
Interactive Segments: "Guad Squares" and the interactive quizzes with callers add an engaging element, encouraging listener participation and offering comedic relief.
Community Focus: Despite the humorous tone, the hosts address real community issues, such as pet safety during holidays, showcasing a blend of entertainment and responsibility.
Holmberg on the Quiet Season: "We're in a quiet season. It means no one listens to us [02:05]."
Big Mike on Weekend Prep: "I'm shoving things in him because we got a big weekend and I want to make sure he's prepared [03:35]."
Liam Neeson Spoof: "I'm a road trucker. Up Mount Everest to save a school bus filled with children [05:18]."
Trump Parody: "I did Iran with a vengeance last weekend... [08:09]."
Guad Squares Highlight: "With vengeance, release the Kraken [07:23]."
Scooby-Doo Parody: "Zoinks. Like, we made an appearance on the show yesterday, didn't we, Scoob? And we were killing people like crazy [19:55]."
This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness masterfully intertwines humor, satire, and interactive segments to entertain its Arizona-based audience. Through sharp wit and playful impersonations, Holmberg and his team navigate a range of topics, from political satire to pop culture parodies, all while maintaining an engaging and lively broadcast. Whether you're a longtime listener or tuning in for the first time, this episode offers a humorous take on current events and classic entertainment tropes, ensuring a thoroughly enjoyable morning.