06-27-25 - Spending Day At New Places In Mesa Might Be Changing John's Mind - Big Mike Addresses Divorce Rumors - Woman Break Neck Week Before Wedding Groom Still Marries Her But Bret Says She's A Slinky

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode Date: June 27, 2025
Release Date: June 27, 2025
Host: John Holmberg
Co-Hosts: Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo

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Exploring New Venues in Mesa: A Change of Heart for John

In this episode, John Holmberg shares his unexpected positive experiences in Mesa, Arizona, which seemingly challenge his previous indifference toward the city.

Discovering Alchemy 48:
John recounts spending a day in Mesa to explore new places intentionally, away from his usual routines. He meets TJ, the proprietor behind "Alchemy 48," a Level One arcade bar described as a hidden gem in downtown Mesa.

John Holmberg [03:10]: "It's the coolest room I've ever been in in my life... I would make the trip to Mesa to go to this place."

Impressed by Mesa's Hidden Treasures:
John highlights the unique ambiance of Alchemy 48, comparing it favorably to past local establishments like Milano's Music and its quirky movie props haunted attraction.

John Holmberg [05:07]: "I never thought I'd say these words, but check out Alchemy 48 and be blown away by the cool thing I got in Mesa."

John emphasizes Mesa's potential as a vibrant destination, noting its size and comparing it to cities like Pittsburgh and Tucson.

John Holmberg [09:50]: "It's a big town... bigger than Albuquerque, bigger than Tucson."

Big Mike Addresses Divorce Rumors

The conversation shifts to addressing ongoing divorce rumors surrounding Big Mike. John discusses Big Mike's decision to step back from social media in response to the speculation.

John Holmberg [20:45]: "Big Mike's mad at you guys because you keep calling her Big Mike. So she's pulled us off of social media."

Comparisons to Celebrity Privacy Struggles:
John likens Big Mike's situation to that of celebrities like Harry and Meghan, who also seek privacy despite public interest.

John Holmberg [22:06]: "We're gonna do a Netflix series about how you should leave us alone. We want privacy."

The hosts express skepticism about the effectiveness of Big Mike's attempts to maintain privacy while still being in the public eye through podcasts.

John Holmberg [22:36]: "They’re gonna be on TV telling you how to leave us alone."

Tragic Incident Before the Wedding: The "Slinky" Controversy

A significant portion of the episode delves into a tragic event where a woman was injured at her bachelorette party, resulting in paralysis just a week before her wedding. Despite the severity of her injuries, the groom proceeds with the marriage, leading to mixed reactions from the hosts.

Incident Overview:
John narrates the accident where the woman was pushed into a pool, leading to spinal injuries.

John Holmberg [23:52]: "She was a week and a half away from her wedding when a friend pushed her into a pool... she was paralyzed from the chest down."

Groom's Decision to Marry:
The groom's decision to marry her despite her condition becomes a point of contention among the hosts, with Bret sarcastically referring to the woman as a "Slinky."

Bret Vesely [25:07]: "I married a Slinky."

Discussion on Marriage and Compassion:
The hosts debate the implications of marrying someone who has undergone such a life-altering event, touching on themes of true love, responsibility, and the challenges that come with it.

John Holmberg [33:38]: "True love would have been being honest with her."

Bret's irreverent humor about the situation sparks a deeper conversation on the sensitivity required when discussing disabilities and personal tragedies.

John Holmberg [32:05]: "I don't want to see her every day."

Reflection and Reconciliation with Mesa

Towards the end of the episode, John reflects on his attitude toward Mesa, expressing a newfound appreciation for the city after his positive experiences.

John Holmberg [14:16]: "As a kid who grew up in Mesa, I broke up with Mesa a long time ago... I still have a little piece of my heart that says, gosh, I wish this city was cooler."

He acknowledges Mesa's efforts to reinvent itself and expresses hope that the city continues to showcase its hidden gems to both residents and newcomers.

John Holmberg [17:05]: "I'm trying to change that. It was neat. It was great."

Conclusion

The episode weaves together light-hearted exploration of Mesa's emerging spots with more serious discussions about personal relationships and public figures dealing with private matters. John's evolving perspective on Mesa serves as a backdrop to the broader themes of change, acceptance, and the complexities of human connections.

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Notable Quotes:

• John Holmberg [03:10]: "It's the coolest room I've ever been in in my life... I would make the trip to Mesa to go to this place."
• Bret Vesely [25:07]: "I married a Slinky."
• John Holmberg [14:16]: "I still have a little piece of my heart that says, gosh, I wish this city was cooler."
• John Holmberg [20:45]: "Big Mike's mad at you guys because you keep calling her Big Mike. So she's pulled us off of social media."

This episode encapsulates John Holmberg's journey towards rediscovering Mesa while tackling sensitive topics with a mix of humor and candid conversation, making it a compelling listen for both regular and new listeners.

Transcript

[Brady]

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[John Holmberg]

Still streaming Homburg's Morning Sickness online at 98kupd.com Good morning everybody.

Hello there. Welcome to Friday, the Friday before July 4th. So we are all kind of cruising into this next few days half heartedly. This is the Morning Sickness. My name's John. There's Brady, there's Brett, there's big Dick Toledo. It's 5:45 and we're ready to go. Let's get it started, shall we? I had quite a day Yesterday, I. I want to burn everything I own down. I want to just tear up my house. I. You know when you go to somebody's like, Doug Hopkins new house. I went to his new house yesterday, and he's done some. It's taken him about five years to build this place. It's remarkable. And the last thing I want to do is go home to my dump. Oh, it's terrible.

[Brett]

He's been extremely patient.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, amazing. But I was out there just to check it out. There's reason. Look, listen, I've never said this in my life. There's, like, I spent the day yesterday doing stuff in Mesa. And, like, on purpose. Like, not because I had court hearings or anything. Like, I was in Mesa because, a, I wanted to be, and B, I was enjoying myself. I met with a guy named TJ yesterday, and he is. He runs a place. He's the guy behind a level one arcade bar.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And I didn't know. Have you been to Alchemy 48?

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. It's. It's a speakeasy under level one in Mesa.

[Brady]

Oh, okay.

[John Holmberg]

It's the coolest room I've ever been in in my life. And I'm like, well, where am I again? He goes, yeah, you're in downtown Mesa. And I'm like. And, like, is this a smile? Like, am I smiling in downtown Mesa? That doesn't happen to anyone. And he goes, yeah. I'm like, this is the coolest place. I've been in forever. Like, I would make the trip to Mesa to go to this place. And I'm like that. I don't think anyone that's powerful has ever said that before. It was such a neat spot.

[Brady]

Especially you.

[John Holmberg]

I know. So you need to make. That's why it's really cool. It could be, like one of those. Mesa hidden. It is a Mesa hidden gem. It's such a neat spot. So, yeah, I was hanging out with him a little bit. He goes, you got to come see this. And it's this place we're doing a staircase down in. And I'm like, this is amazing. It's got this 1920s sort of. It's just so cool. It's just such a cool theme underneath. And it's just.

[Brett]

It's way better than the costume props thing years ago.

[John Holmberg]

Movie props, everything. Yes. Yeah. The haunted. I remember that. Yeah. Well, that was a. It was a very strange. Spencer and Mesa had a store, and it was. Yeah, they had a restaurant things. Yeah, it was a restaurant place. You could. But you could go and see old movie props from horror movies and they were.

[Brett]

Had them load.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I mean it was cosmic event or. Yeah. Toxic Avenger and things like. It was just weird stuff. And then you'd walk through and you'd realize how bad movie props are. They're just rubber and.

[Brett]

But you'd go down in the cellar and I think they made it like a haunted attraction during.

[John Holmberg]

They tried haunted house it and it was just. It was like, this is what. Okay. This is what they're leaning into. And no. Oh, it's much better than that. Those are the things. Cuz. Those are those things. I'd look and go, look at my face. That's a frown. Because I'm in Mesa. You've done it again. Like, you know, I walked by Milano's music and I'm like legendary.

[Brett]

Not better than having nachos under the Predator.

[John Holmberg]

No. Yeah, the weird. Yeah. The rubber Predator. Yeah, the rubber like move Predator. It was. Yeah, it's a lot better than that. But if you have a chance. I never thought I'd say these words. And you're around mesa hit Alchemy 48 and be blown away by the cool thing I got in Mesa. And it's level. Level one is a cool. They got one at Gilbert. The level one arcade bars are neat, but I didn't know. And he goes, watch this. And this. This door opens this, it's hidden. He goes, watch this. And you go down in there. I was like, this is the coolest thing I've seen in a long time. So nice TJ for taking me down there. And then after that I drive even further into Mesa.

[Brady]

Did you go to Moose?

[John Holmberg]

Deeper Mesa, Past the Moose.

[Brady]

Oh, man.

[John Holmberg]

Up to Doug's new house. And it's beautiful. And I'm like, ah, great. And I never thought Mesa would make me go, I gotta start doing better. Look at the view. Oh, the view to all of it. He's got an amazing view. He's way out there. It was gorgeous. But it's all new and it's all this, you know, fancy new stuff. And you're like, ah, you can't do that to yourself. You can't go.

[Brett]

And you never expect that to be built out there.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you would. When you get where it is, I mean, it's, you know, it's the Los send us mountainsides. And how many people have.

[Brett]

I mean, there's a cluster out there that's.

[John Holmberg]

I grew up in Mesa and I knew that when they had that whole side going. You're like, there's the thing they're trying to make Scottsdale, Mesa out of, and it was always amazing. It's. It's a nice. It's an. It's an awesome spot. It's just. You gotta, you gotta be in Mesa. Brett knows we grew up there. We know it just doesn't. It's just never been a destination. They're trying. That was cool. I had a. I'm gonna fall over out of my chair. I had a really nice day in Mesa yesterday. What the.

[Brady]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

No. Most time you have a nice day, you're leaving Mesa, you're doing something else somewhere. I liked it. And it wasn't at like an event. It was just a. Brett, come here for a second. Start smacking me around. I had a nice time and in Mesa, like a really nice one. Like, stuff you can't get anywhere else. I always say that, you know, somebody says, you want to come out to Gilbert, you want to come out to me? You know how many things I pass that are better than what I'm going to do once I get to Gilbert? Like, I go by like a hundred things better than the thing I'm going to land on when I get there. I'm not so sure that alchemy 48 things. A destination. It's a thing like, I'm going to go out to that. That was really cool. Neat. So. And we hung out at the Rebel Bar, which is also. It's a. It's like little. It's like, like Postinos for. Not postinos. You know, Very cool. And they have beer and wine and all that stuff. So we just sat and hung out and talked stuff. And then he showed me Alchemy 48 and I'm like, okay, I gotta. I would. I, I, I'm struggling. I apologize. I'm. I'm enjoying talking about Mesa and having been there yesterday. I don't. And.

[Brett]

Well, we've always said crazy for a while that downtown Mesa.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's. I've said it.

[Brett]

Just amazing.

[John Holmberg]

When I, When I lived in Pasadena, I would look at Pasadena's downtown, the Colorado Boulevard, and I'm like, this is everything shaped like. Looks like and could be Mesa. And they keep blowing it. They keep screwing stuff up and put. They made downtown Pasadena the most unbelievably cool thing. And it's exact same shape as Main Street. But it was.

[Brady]

They're trying. I mean, it's taken 30 years too late, but, you know, seems like it.

[John Holmberg]

Jesus. I mean, they got passed by Chandler and Tempe and Gilbert. Yeah. And Even Queen Creek to a certain degree. San Tan, all that stuff. They're. Mesa has always kind of been behind the eight ball on making you want to go there. I, I know the whole city's like, stop it, you're a liar. You had some sort of fever dream. No, I was actually there. I liked it.

[Brett]

Now you can go to the Mesa center for the Arts for a one man show and go to the.

[John Holmberg]

Is someone doing one right now place.

[Brett]

I don't know. Shatner's usually coming up.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they don't have any good shows there and that's the, like, they built that beautiful facility. It's amazing. So I, Yeah, this guy says, I know exactly what you mean, John, and how you feel. I've got a friend who's an Alaskan fisherman, spent six months in Alaska catching a million pounds of halibut and spends the other six months in Los Angeles on the golf course. First time I went up there, I was like, I'm going to be so close to Apache Junction, I'm going to have my kidneys stolen. But it was beautiful. You still have to go through Mesa to get there, but it's beautiful. I know, but stop by alchemy48 and your whole perspective changes. Loved it. Thank you, Mesa, for a wonderful day. What? It's never been said before, ever. I grew up there. I've always said about Mesa, it's 500,000 people, plus it's the same size as Pittsburgh. If you've been to Pittsburgh and you've been to Mesa and you realize they're equal, you're like, what did Mesa not do, right? To have pretty much the same amount of people and not have any sort of. It's a big town. Bigger than Albuquerque, bigger than Tucson.

[Brady]

Third largest in Arizona. Right.

[John Holmberg]

I think it's second.

[Brady]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not sure what. Tucson might be bigger. Barely. It's ridiculous. Anyway, I'm struggling. I've been struggling with it for a while. Thank you, Mesa, for. It's like it. You know what it is?

[Brett]

It's like a mini vacation.

[John Holmberg]

I had a wonderful date with a fat chick and I left like I'm doing.

[Brady]

Call Doug, come on.

[John Holmberg]

Well, no, that's secondary. You're absolutely right. That was rude, you know, because it wasn't that great once. Doug. Doug and I have had good dates before, but a friend of mine said, will you take my sister out? She's really, you know, she feels left out. She's a big fan of the show special. Okay.

[Brett]

It's the third time he's asked yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It's like, all right, you know what? You're a good friend. I'll do this. I'll take. And then his big fat sister showed up and I'm like, hi. Just wonderful. Just immediately a wonderful person who's just mismanaged herself for a long time. Like, are you okay? We're trying, like, oh, geez, Mesa, I'm sorry I've been a little rough on you. I just can't stop ordering Chipotle. I understand. Understand that.

[Listener]

And with doordash.

[John Holmberg]

Mesa, it's okay. What do you want to do? Can I show you a bar? And she did. And I'm like, I'm having the best time ever with Mesa. Unbelievable. Now it's a passing fancy. I'll go to someplace better and I'll be like, oh, yeah, forgot about how cool this place was. Not going to Mesa. Something has to be going on. But that's Mesa's problem. There's no reason to go there. Something has to be going on in Mesa. But I'll tell you, if you're down there or you're even close, go over that alchemy 48 and just enjoy yourself. The drinks are great. The. It's just the vibe. It was an awesome spot. And Level one is a cool bar.

[Brady]

Even going to shows at Mesa Amp too.

[John Holmberg]

It's great.

[Brady]

I love going to shows there.

[John Holmberg]

It's just waiting to be awesome. Yeah.

Something, something. Check out Homework's Morning Sickness [e-mail] this.

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[John Holmberg]

Holmberg's morning sickness.

It's. And I have forgotten have a. As a kid who grew up in Mesa, I broke up with Mesa a long time ago and I didn't. You know, I still have. I realized it yesterday. I still have a little piece of my heart that says, gosh, I wish this city was cooler. I wish more good things happened here.

[Brady]

Well, it's because when you're young, it's that. It's that hot chick syndrome. It's like, oh, this is it, this is it. And then she turns into that fat blob in the 10 year anniversary reunion and stuff and you're like, okay, I'm not.

[John Holmberg]

I don't want to see her every day.

[Brett]

That's for the tour stuff.

[Brady]

But now she's on the Ozempic and she's getting back to normal again.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe Ozempic has helped Mesa out. She's thinning up. She's trying. She's jogging, still orders too much Chipotle, but she's trying. How about that? Anyway, yeah, I had a really nice time in Mesa, then drove out to Doug's house and it made Me just think to myself, you know what it is? This guy's right. Said you just had a slump buster. When you went downstairs to your sales department, let him know, slump busters work. You feel good about Mesa. It made you like everything else. I'm back on the horse. Mesa. Yeah, It's. The Chamber of commerce is doing a terrible job of letting us know they got some cool stuff, because I didn't even know that existed.

[Brett]

Get those commercials going. Come back to Mesa.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we're sorry. Just start your whole commercial. We're sorry. We've been Mesa.

[Brady]

We've effed up for 40 years.

[John Holmberg]

We have drastically effed up thinking you guys wanted to go to just Milano's for the past 50 years. A half century of effing up. We're trying to change that. It was neat. It was great. So I had a great time. And Doug's house is so pretty, and the views were so pretty that when I got home, I just was like, I'm just gonna torch this D now. You know, you live in your own house. You're familiar with all of its little problems. You see the little tile work that wasn't to your liking that you let slide. You should have fought. You got a couple of things in a room that you're like, this room's screw. I have a spot where my dog got happy tail and bled on the wall. I still haven't cleaned it off the wall. It's a spare room. Like, you're looking there like, oh, yeah, I gotta get to that. I got blood on walls. I got chips. I got the tile thing here. And I just. I just need to. And Doug stuff's all brand new. Like when people get new cars, and you're like, oh, no. Then you get back in your car and you're like, oh, the elbow thing in the center console is all squishy because that's where you lean all the time.

[Brett]

I just got the garage floor resurfaced.

[John Holmberg]

Awesome.

[Brett]

And it's completely cleared out. And I have North Scottsdale on the floor of my garage right now. And now you start looking. Oh, the walls.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Brett]

And then I just opened the door of the side yard. It's a backyard in aj or was that. All my stuff's out there.

[John Holmberg]

It's a dock. Yeah, man. You just.

[Brett]

But that room in there is glorious.

[John Holmberg]

Everything new leaned up against something old. Makes you go, I'm just gonna burn it down. Yeah, I'm with you, Mesa. New stuff just, you know, you gotta. You gotta get that out of your head. You know, my place is fine. But when you see all that brand new stuff, you're like, I want brand new stuff, too. And it just changes your brain and.

[Brett]

The views, just like you'd never. I mean, it surprised me when you go up to some of those areas. Like, I'd have no idea that this existed in this part of town.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's amazing. I've always said that about superstition and Red Mountain and all that Los Angeles stuff. That should be the place where, like, when you go out to Superstition Springs Golf Course, or not Superstition Springs. Superstition Mountain Golf Course, and you look back and like, this should be the crown jewel of this valley. But. But there, look, there's Apache Junction. They ruined it. They stood there and said, and there's.

[Brett]

Some nuggets in Gold Canyon.

[John Holmberg]

Best views in this place. The prettiest mountain. It's so much better than Camelback, the mountain. But they put. They put Apache Junction there and said, step over this to get to the good stuff. And people like, nah, we'll go there. We got other mountains. It's close enough. We're not crazy. But yeah. I said, hey, you sob. Stop it. Just like when you go off on not wanting people from back east knowing how nice it is moving to Mesa. I love my hidden little gem here in Southeast Mesa. You shut your mouth. This place is a problem. It's awful. You shouldn't come here. Now you're inviting all these idiots that I never wanted to deal with to Mesa. All right, sorry. You shouldn't have built that cool bar. You did it yourselves.

[Brady]

Mesa might have looked pretty good last night, but let me warn you, don't pull her pants down. It might be a Big Mike situation down there.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I'm still skeptical of Mesa's. I kissed Mesa good night. Let's just say there was no. I didn't sit there and say, all right, Mason, we're going all the way. I kissed Mason again.

[Brett]

Dropped them undergarments.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Brett, you nailed it. Mace is an old girlfriend from high school, and I've seen her now on a couple of Facebook posts over the years. I'm like, I'm never going there again. And then I ran into her, and I'm like, she's fat and looks terrible, but, man, that she's still sweet. And the next thing you know, you're making out with this giant girl, and you're like, what happened? She's so nice. I wanna. I just wanna see you again. Oh, Mesa. Okay, you're right. She pulls her Pants down. Like, this is everything I never wanted.

[Brady]

John had a good time in Mesa. What's next? Good time in Maryville?

[John Holmberg]

Good Lord, no. If there's a cool underground bar in Maryvale, I ain't going in it. Not without some.

[Brady]

Excuse me, homes.

[John Holmberg]

Without a police escort. No way. Anyway, yeah, it was remarkable. I never thought I'd say the words I'm saying. Which just shocking. Wonderful day in Mesa yesterday. Say what? And I'm not so sure. Yeah. This guy says, what about pub and grub, man? Mesa and the piss flies. Okay, okay. Pub and grub is its own special little animal.

[Brady]

Pub and grub, dupes, you know?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. Dive bars. That's Mesa. That fits. Because you're like, of course. Mesa. This is the best place in Mesa. Alchemy 48. Look into it. It's stunning. And I just kept saying. I'm like, you got. He's like, people that find out about it want to bring people here. And I'm like, that's me. You got to get down there. Brett, you're kind of close. You live in Mesa.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Come on, man. All right.

[Brady]

I didn't know about it. I don't go to downtown Mesa.

[John Holmberg]

Why? Most people, even in Mesa, leave and go places that aren't in me.

[Brady]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

I want to love Mesa again. I want to go. I want to be friends with Mesa again. I've kind of reconciled with Mace, but I think that's right, though. You pull Mesa's pants down, and the next thing you know, Mesa slapping about the face and head with a. A great big one instead of balls and apologizing. But I. Yeah, I liked it. So if you get a chance and you're in downtown Mesa for whatever reason, buying crack or whatever you do down there, check out Alchemy 48 before you get your crack. Don't. Don't embarrass everybody. Get in there and just go. That's ain't so bad. It was an enjoyable time. Speaking of Big Mike, did you see that? She went. She's been running around on podcasts telling everybody to leave her alone about her divorce. And.

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Brett]

Addressing the rumors.

[John Holmberg]

Stop it. Barack and I are in our 60s now. We have no reason to really be on social media. So basically what she's saying is, I see what you say about me, and I'm not being public anymore. Big Mike's mad at you guys because you keep calling her Big Mike. So she's pulled us off of social media, and, well, we're not allowed to. We're. We're not out there, so shut up, Barry. Sorry about that. Everybody run. It's a big mic. See, I like that, because she's going on saying, you know, leave us alone. The perfect sign of, like, she's taken over that relationship. He doesn't talk. She's on podcast saying, we're not on social media because we don't want to build. So maybe he does, but he ain't going on there anymore.

[Brett]

Tough to lay low after the position that you guys were in as a couple.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, don't start blaming us. Yeah, don't start blaming us for paying attention to you. You're the ones who jumped out into the. I want to be the most powerful man in the world. Not. Not her. Him. But I think she wants to. But, I mean, when you hold that position, you tend to get a few eyeballs on you. Sorry about that. You can't start screaming. A little more privacy, please. When Harry and Meghan did that thing in south park, made fun of them for banging a drum in their front yard, saying, all we want is privacy. All we want is privacy. And we'll tell you about it in our new Netflix documentary.

[Brett]

We're gonna lay low at Oprah's place.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we'll be at Oprah's place on tv telling you how to leave us alone. And then we're gonna do a Netflix series about how you should leave us alone. We want privacy. And it's basically what Barack's partner is doing because he's going all over the place talking about that, and I think it's hilarious.

[Brett]

I'm gonna remain private on podcast.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's right. I go on podcast. Tell everybody. We're not social. We don't. We don't like to share everything about our lives. We'll be right back after this commercial break. It's like, wait a second. You. You're going on podcasts to say you don't want to tell anybody anything about yourself? What the.

[Brady]

She reminds me of Scorpion Immortal Combat.

[John Holmberg]

Get over here. That's a deep hole. But I knew it immediately.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah, See?

[John Holmberg]

And now I want to play it only with her as the Get Over Here character. Anyway, yeah, so you got that. And then I was reading this article yesterday. This. This is a dilemma. I don't have all the details. I tried to write some of them down. Lady was at her bachelorette party. I saw this article. I was like, this is weird. And she's in a wheelchair in the picture, and she's pretty. And she said, it's been 15 years since my bachelorette party. And I'm like, that's. Why is this so down? A friend of hers at the bachelorette party pushed her in the pool, broke her back. Oh. And I'm like, oh, that poor guy. My first reaction was for the dude because they were getting married in, like, a week, right? Bachelorette parties happened a little bit before the wedding. He can't pull out now. Like, he's got to care for in the hospital and stuff.

[Brett]

That's what I was wondering. Like, on this 15 years since that. Did it go through?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So all their wedding pictures, she's just laying in grass. They, like, dumped her out. Like, put her out. Like she's laying down. Like, they make it look normal. It's like, here, look at this one. She's very pretty, but I mean that. She can't move. Wow. And this poor dinner in their 20s when it happened. And she was. She was a week and a half away from her wedding when a friend jokingly pushed her into a pool at a bachelorette party. She was paralyzed from the chest down in the incident. And. And they. And the dude couldn't. You can't. There's no. There's no getting out of that. You're trapped. You're the biggest jerk in the world.

If you leave something, something. Check out homework's morning sickness [e-mail] Homeburg's Morning.

Well, Brett's eyes just went to the side like, no, you're not. I can.

[Brady]

For how long?

[Brett]

I can deal with that.

[Listener]

Exactly.

[Brady]

My marriage is forever. This will last a couple months. You know, people are pissed off.

[John Holmberg]

Paralysis is for marriage is not marriage. There's. There's no way to go to a lawyer and go, I went out of this.

[Brady]

I know, but they say that, you know, so till death do your part and all that kind of stuff. It's supposed to be forever. People be pissed off at you a couple months.

[John Holmberg]

Marriage is forever if you start.

[Brett]

We have more important things to do.

[John Holmberg]

He hadn't even started it yet.

[Brady]

Oh, then he's good.

[John Holmberg]

That's. Well, knowing that he married her anyway.

[Brett]

Because I thought the week before he's bailing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he's. A week and a half before they're getting married, she goes off and breaks her entire body in half. They pull her out of the pool and like, oh, call him up. And he goes to the hospital like, she gonna be right. No, she's never gonna. From the chest down. She's useless. Wait a minute. I married Nathan Sutherland's gal. I. Marri does Slinky. He says fire today. Put him in the west valley two times in a day. And he comes back bitter and fun. I married a Slinky. Now I want to do that with a. With a pleic. I'm going to start your legs first and just roll you. I think this is going to work.

[Listener]

Please don't do that.

[John Holmberg]

What's the worst that could happen? Break your back again? Yeah. You're going to fight me.

[Brett]

Fun for a Brett and a girl.

[John Holmberg]

And married a Slinky.

[Listener]

Will you quit looking at all these houses with stairs?

[John Holmberg]

You know? Now look, trust me, you're more fun with stairs. They're not as bad as you think. Going up them is no good anyway. Brett took it to another level.

[Brady]

Sorry.

[John Holmberg]

I started to know. Don't apologize. Making a paraplegic. A Slinky is the most tasteless thing I've ever laughed at in my life.

[Brett]

There it is.

[John Holmberg]

But I can't stop thinking about now. If I ever see anybody in a wheelchair, I'm gonna be like, oh, I wanna play with that. Unless that's it. But I mean, think about that. A week and a half before your wedding, she fall and you gotta move the date and then. But then you gotta get a prenup because like you said, marriage is forever and you're signing up for that. And he's like, oh, I have to. And he had to say and do all the right things, like, no, it isn't her body. I loved in her mid-20s. Of course she's. That's not why I'm marrying her because she's beautiful and she was, she is. She still looks great. And then the other picture got some kids sitting next to her. I don't know if I don't know how they did that one. It's a. It's a remarkable story though. And then all I could think of is the dude. They were a year out of college. 24, 25 year old people. It's too early to get married. Anyway, she said I was engaged to my best friend. A little house, the picket fence. We're just going for the dream. Her bachelorette party was on May 23rd at Virginia Beach. At the end of the night, a bunch of us decided to go for a swim. Chilly outside of the pool. Decided I didn't want to jump in because it was a little cold. And a friend came and pushed me. And I ended up hitting my head on the shallow end of the pool. Instantly feeling left my body because I broke my neck. And of course, obviously life changes and he goes, but to you, that dude had to. And he followed through. And I know women are saying, oh, that's true love. I don't know. I think true love would have been being honest with her.

[Brady]

That's what I'm saying.

[John Holmberg]

Being honest with her and saying something like, if you pull up this Slinky commercial, I swear to God, I know what you're doing. What?

[Brady]

Who, me?

[John Holmberg]

If that song plays. I knew you were.

[Silly Putty]

Fun. It's a wonderful toy.

[John Holmberg]

Why do you do this? They never went upstairs. The commercial lied to me. I'm a Slinky purist. I don't like the. Oh, my God. You know what I almost said out loud? I don't like the colored ones. Come on. I have to reshape my argument. I don't like the. Yeah. The plastic ones, like you said. Yeah. When they change the colors. I like the old metal ones. The one that looks like the broken dryer vent. Yeah.

[Silly Putty]

A spring. A spring. A marvelous.

[John Holmberg]

Time.

[Brett]

They should have gotten in trouble for that commercial.

[John Holmberg]

Never did it.

[Brett]

Never worked. Like they were saying, you get to.

[John Holmberg]

Go down the steps, down the stairs.

[Brett]

A couple times, and then eventually would pull up and start rolling.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Well, it would get the first little sign that it had trouble in this. Well, it's the same thing as a paraplegic. First little sign that it was kind of. It couldn't move. It stretched it too much. You were the. That stretched it. I always yelled at my friend Mark Cash, just stop pulling on it. You're wrecking it. It's got to have elasticity. It's got to be tight. You know the one kid that thought it was an accordion. You're ruining it. And then the other.

[Brett]

Don't do that.

[John Holmberg]

The other one, that would twist it like it was a tin of muffins. Like, stop. Slinky has one purpose.

[Brett]

Needs to stack. Perfect.

[John Holmberg]

Got to be perfect. Stack, and it gets a little nudge and hold the bottom, and then it does its work. Boy, were we easily entertained. But God damn it, Brett has changed it into paraplegics on stairs that you tumble down steps. This poor lady fell in a pool and broke her neck, and Brett called her a sleep. All right, stop it. That's what they do. Imagine, though, if that. Here's where we go. It's like a guy. The guy's sitting there and he's just. Oh, my God. My fiance just fell in the pool and broke her goddamn neck. And we're getting married in two weeks, and they just moved that. And I gotta call my friend Brett and just talk this through. I gotta go out with Brett for a little bit and see what do I do next. Like, where's my. What are my options here? And then Brett's like, what are you talking about? You gonna marry this slinky? I love her. You loved her. Tell me this. If she was in Mill Avenue Q Club and she wheeled up and you hit her in the face with a pool cue club, you turn around and go, I love you. No, you'd have moved her out of the way and never give her a second thought. Now you're gonna marry it. You're crazy.

[Brett]

And he goes through with hitting the wedding. They're there taking pictures on the grass, and, like, now I gotta pick up the slinky. We're gonna be running behind on everything.

[John Holmberg]

Hey. Good to see you. I heard about your wife. So we're out trolling for broads is what's going on. No, I just want some advice on whether or not I should keep going with this. You need me to tell you what's wrong with you? Did you get hit in the head, too?

[Brett]

I know what Brett's wedding gift is. Leaves little boxes.

[John Holmberg]

Theirs and a box with a little veil on it forever. He put a little wedding veil on top of it. You sons of bitches. You're making me make fun of this. I read this article, and I was sort of sad, and I thought the whole thing was a no.

[Brady]

So was I. I felt bad for her. Now she's married a sleepy son of.

[Silly Putty]

A bitch, like, walks downstairs, a loner, in pairs, and makes a slickity sound.

[John Holmberg]

Now she makes a sound when she goes down the street.

[Silly Putty]

It's lanky.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, the metal on her back. Oh, my God. All right, Brad, get your checkbook. Get your goddamn checkbook. If I have to do it, you have to do it. This is your fault. You're offending all sorts of people. But it's worse that you've got a friend like me who's like, yeah, I'm. Yes. And improv guy when it comes to this. And this is the times where I need to be like, stop it, Shane.

[Brady]

Just road. If that's the case, I'm pulling a Brady on the crib.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Listener]

Late.

[John Holmberg]

You're not.

[Listener]

You're not my cup of tea.

[John Holmberg]

What does it mean?

[Brett]

I'm holding off on that gift. Yeah, that's at least six months.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, but let's be honest. Like what most married guys say later in life. They're all paralyzed from the chest down. Eventually. Just kidding, ladies. We know it's just a waist down anyway. I don't even know where I was going with that. I was having so much fun with this. Okay. Son of a bitch. I'm not gonna be able to look at anybody in a wheelchair and not hear that little moment. And it doesn't even make sense. Not supposed to abuse them.

[Brady]

Bastard.

[John Holmberg]

Good lord. If I see short bus again, I'm taking them out of those trees. Great. I married a slinky. But he had to. He didn't have to. You're right. Then you get into this guy, this guy talking about, you got to. You're not married yet. Consider yourself lucky. What if this happens two weeks after the wedding? Now you gotta go to lawyers, right now you're scot free. What is it? You had to have that talk. What does this mean for our sex? Can a woman be that selfish that she goes off and breaks her spine and then comes back and said, and because I can't have sex ever again, neither can you? No.

[Brady]

I mean, yes, they can.

[John Holmberg]

But that would that be. Yeah. I mean, would a guy do that to a woman? Like, he goes. He goes slinky. And he comes back to the wedding.

[Brett]

She doesn't feel anything. Right?

[John Holmberg]

I know, but that's okay, Brady, you seem like that's a normal thing to say.

[Listener]

Yeah, she doesn't feel it.

[Brett]

What's the big.

[John Holmberg]

What's the difference?

[Listener]

Ronnie's been saying that for years. She hasn't felt it. She goes, I can't feel it. Don't worry about it.

[Brett]

It still works.

[Listener]

I mean, it's working for me. I feel most of it.

[John Holmberg]

But if a dude did that, you know, his first thing's like, look, I can't perform down there. But women are much better about that than men. Men are. So it's just me and I can't ever. And he's. And then. And then as a man, when she's like, I want you to do whatever and you gotta take her out of the chair, and then she's just roll it on the stairs. And then. Yeah. And then you have it's link this rolling in your head when you try to get aroused by it. And then you offend her because you can't get hard.

It's something. Something. Check out homework's morning sickness [e-mail]'s Morning Sickness.

Right. It's different if you been married for years and then their backs break. You're like, no, it's like, What? I mean, 25. The odds of their marriage working, even if she was upright, bipedal. Wouldn't. It would have been minimal. That adds quite a wrinkle.

[Brett]

I remember not to. It's a different situation.

[John Holmberg]

Isolate that. Start it over again. This is the noise. That's all we need. You son of a. Anyway, I don't know if that thing's a. It's gross.

[Brett]

I remember growing up in Columbus. There was still there that young, out of college, getting married. And there's the bachelor party. And the one guy that threw the bachelor party's father owned a office building. Four stories.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brett]

They were doing the. The. The rooftop party for bachelor party. And the dude did the fake push. Yeah. And the groom fell off the building. Off the building. Oh, she didn't marry Silly Putty.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, she didn't. Oh, he's dead. Well, of course. Well, okay. Well, you don't marry a dead person. Relatable story is this.

[Brett]

Brett's gonna call him silly Buddy.

[John Holmberg]

How kind of relatable story is that? She didn't go through with it, you say, huh? Wow.

[Brett]

She wanted to, but they wouldn't let her.

[Brady]

They got rough. Next week.

[John Holmberg]

What the am I hanging out with here?

[Brett]

So she married the best man?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, sure, yeah. She had the next. Next man in line. Next man up. It's like Mike Tomlin. One man's misfortune is another man's opportunity. That wasn't even. That's not a relatable story, Brady. She didn't go through with it. He's dead.

[Listener]

I'm still gonna do it.

[John Holmberg]

You're sick, lady. Move on.

[Listener]

No. Until death do us part. But I figure if we start there.

[John Holmberg]

He jumped the death to us part.

[Brett]

I just was looking to get the Silly Putty reference to the Silly Putty song.

[Brady]

Otherwise I'd find it.

[John Holmberg]

You wanted to have a wacky reference too. And Brett. Yeah, but your story didn't work.

[Listener]

I knew a guy died once and then called off the wedding.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's of course.

[Listener]

Cuz he was Silly Putty. Da da da da da da.

[John Holmberg]

Nothing. Hit it, Brett.

[Silly Putty]

It's slinky.

[John Holmberg]

This works.

[Silly Putty]

It's slinky for fun. It's a wonderful toy.

[John Holmberg]

You can't work the stairs. See, She's a slinky. God, I hate you. That's a tough one. I would say in your story, Brady, to try to make sense of it at all being here. That dude jumped. That was the thing as friends talking to him about marriages. I mean, he just turned around, left off thing. He said, oh, he did a fake push, but he left off. And what Kind of short sighted. Building was it that you can fall off of?

[Brett]

Yeah, the little pony wall. Three foot pony wall. And he was standing up there.

[John Holmberg]

A dangerous place to have a rooftop party. That is not OSHA safe. That was not an acceptable place to have a party if they didn't have any barriers. But you're allowed to be up there. They gotta have a little higher up. Up. I just tumbled over a small wall.

[Brady]

Whatever happened to her?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the girl.

[Brett]

I think she got married. I mean, you know, a couple years down.

[John Holmberg]

Married a living man. That's right.

[Brett]

Not as she had a type. But the slinky story is.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, boy. Don't try to fix it.

[Brett]

The Ohio State. The Ohio State University, he's gonna try again. Called Mirror Lake. And on your 21st birthday, you get thrown into the big fountain, the lake area. And it was a girl. And she.

[John Holmberg]

You're just gonna tell a sad paralysis.

[Brett]

She was a Slinky.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Jesus Christ. We are looking for a Slinky.

[Dick Toledo]

There you go.

[John Holmberg]

I didn't ask you to.

[Brett]

There you go. Hit the music.

[John Holmberg]

No, I didn't say. Tell me all the people you know have been paralyzed. There's one story.

[Brett]

I've got tons of Slinky stories.

[John Holmberg]

You don't need to add your mix into it. Just let this live. Well, not the other guy, but you know what I mean.

[Listener]

Are we just sharing stacking stories about people with spinal cord injuries?

[John Holmberg]

No, I told one. Brett hit it out of the yard with the Slinky reference. The song starts, da da da da da da da.

[Listener]

And you're like, here's more sad tales of paralysis. See if we can add the slinky song to all of them.

[John Holmberg]

No, just this one. Because it was so unexpected. Jesus Christ. So you get. These stairs are a huge issue for them. These people have problems with stairs. And then Slinkies. And it's a great joke. Never heard anybody call somebody that before. Got a kick out of it. And all I was saying was, poor dude had to confront.

[Brady]

Oh, is that what the point of the story was?

[John Holmberg]

The whole point of the story was nobody. The whole. It's selfish because the whole story's about her. Nobody ever turned and said, dude, what was going through?

[Brett]

Dad, I can't do it. The hell you can't.

[John Holmberg]

You're going through with this dude what was going through your mind? And I'll tell you exactly what's going through his mind. God, that's stupid and I love it. You're an idiot. You're dumber because you kept trying to Find more slinky references. There's only one I knew a guy.

[Listener]

Fell in a thing, his neck snapped in two.

[John Holmberg]

Nope. You're adding for no reason. Too many. He tried to tell us a story about a guy who splattered himself over slinky. Yeah. You overdid it, man. We had it. We had it. We were. We didn't need a second ride.

[Brett]

Yeah, but they're showing multiple slinkies in the commercial.

[John Holmberg]

Now. What you're doing. What you're doing there is what I did with the different colors. The three. Yeah, the three cases of water. Only needed two there. The third one was a lot. It was a little extra. It bogged us down. Did your mind go, I'm gonna tell.

[Listener]

A story about that.

[Brett]

First thing I thought about when you talked about the slinky was the mirror lake.

[John Holmberg]

Just focus. Focus on the story at hand.

[Brett]

Tragedy.

[John Holmberg]

We weren't talking tragedy. So just focus on the story at hand. Yeah. When Brett brought slinkies up. Let's just run with that. That's an improv class. Let's run with that one. If you add more tragedy, you just made it sad as.

[Listener]

I knew a girl once who couldn't walk.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, God. Was she getting married?

[Listener]

No, never.

[Brett]

Old maid celebrating 21st birthday.

[Listener]

She had a dusty old clogged up for the rest of her life.

[John Holmberg]

Jesus, Brady. Happy birthday.

[Listener]

I made Slinky jokes too. I'm gonna throw on my Silly Putty gag. That's what. That's what this story needs.

[John Holmberg]

And silly buddy. What? Oh, God, that's tragic. What you did was tell a tragic story and they didn't get married. Well, we figured that out.

[Listener]

Anyway. I thought I'd add.

[John Holmberg]

So the original question is moot at this point. If you were a fella and you were a week and a half from your wedding and she came rolling up going, you're not gonna believe how bad the bachelorette party went. I was like, you're not gonna believe that you didn't need a bachelorette party at all. Cause you're no longer a bachelor. You're gonna remain a bachelorette. You're going to have another one of those. This one didn't take. I peed myself a little bit there. Thanks. Brad and Andy emails and so at least he got out of having kids. No, she had something forced into her and made one. So that was the other thing. Now that I'm thinking of that. So not only that. She still has periods, too.

[Listener]

Who's cleaning that up?

[Brett]

She's got the other half.

[John Holmberg]

Huh?

[Brett]

She's not. She's not a quad. From the chest down, she is a quadriplegic.

[John Holmberg]

What does that have to do with her periods? Well, yeah, she is. She can use her arms. She's paraplegic. You can still have periods.

[Brett]

I know, but she can help.

[Brady]

Worried about like she can wipe herself.

[John Holmberg]

Is what he's saying. Yeah, no, she's got it. She can't get up and down off of things. She's got to use her arms to pull herself up off the ground so you can clean the puddles.

[Brett]

You seen those Paralympians?

[John Holmberg]

I never seen them clean up, period, bud. Because they have to do the thing with the chair where they support themselves, like. All right, all right, all right. Get it, get it, get it. And then you got to reach under there and clean the chair. Careful.

[Brady]

Crandall and Bailey are going to start sending us videos of that.

[John Holmberg]

I don't want any of that. Yeah, I don't think they can balance on one arm. Maybe if she's like really strong, make some sort of fulcrum and then reaches down with her other arm.

[Brett]

We definitely need a sport chair, huh? The sport chair with a. Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

She can roll around, but I'm saying clean up down there. She's not doing a ton of that. She just best to look to the dude and say, hey, honey. And he's like, damn it. Remember when you could walk? Anyway, morning, everybody. But all of this and Brady, somehow or another still thinks he's going to heaven. He's got a seat right next to all of us. He didn't hear that story and say, that's terrible. He said, I knew a guy who died on a building once and a girl who broke her spine in a lake. All right, well, thank you, Brett, for changing the entire tenor of that beautiful story. I had an ending.

[Brady]

Me down.

[John Holmberg]

No, that's true. I had a beautiful, beautiful ending to it. And everything else.

[Brady]

Of course we're getting the emails. Well, back door's always open.

[John Holmberg]

What the hell, Nathan? You're paraplegic. It's not just the front of you. The whole thing shut down. Yes, the back door's open, but same with Brady's corpse that was laying on the ground. The back door was open there, too. It's wrong.

[Brady]

Effing Brady can't bring himself to kill anything but a joke.

[John Holmberg]

It's a good point. Anyway, well, let's move on. We'll give Brady an ice cold washcloth for his forehead. Stop thinking about all this tragedy. Read the room. It's time for that wake up song 585-9-800 a good one and we'll scream it together. It's 98K Up Wake Up, Arizona's most.

Powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect, 98K u t.