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Brady
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Cockeyed Betty
Grab some protection. Here comes the best of Homburg's morning sickness. I'm 98k up.
Brady
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Cockeyed Betty
Met a girl who's 23 years old. She's blind in one eye, and I say that only to tell you that this isn't about how hot and young she is. She's 28, younger or years younger than me. We surprisingly talk more than we have sex. She's like a soulmate. But I have to admit that the age thing is crazy. Another thing I can tell you is she's actually not young looking. She looks like she's in her mid to late 30s. And so do I. I look good for my age. So people don't really see our age difference visually. But is this wrong? No matter What? It's not the typical May December thing. I hate that. I have hang ups with it. My ex and I broke up because suddenly she hated intimacy of any kind. And even a simple hug or touch got questioned in my house and I just stopped talking to her. She expected me to just fall in line with her lack of desire. So admittedly this relationship overlapped with my wife. So I'm wondering, is this something I want to work? Because it would mean I didn't leave my wife for a fling. I'm a screwed up dude, Elijah. And that's a name no one will recognize.
Elijah
There's a little bit of element in all of that, I believe. Because you're stating there is a reason why I discovered this new 28 year old. Yes, that was your wife wasn't meeting your needs. So then you have in the back your mind, oh, is this a doomed relationship now? Or I gotta stick with this longer.
Cockeyed Betty
Right. You're having buyers remarks.
Elijah
Until I heard that, I would say enjoy the relationship.
Cockeyed Betty
It's okay to have that relationship with Cockeyed Betty.
Elijah
Right.
Cockeyed Betty
But with patches.
Elijah
I wouldn't look into it like saying, oh, now that I've done this, I have to dig in and make this last.
Cockeyed Betty
Right. I gotta make this work or I'm a jerk. Yeah, like this was real love.
Elijah
Yeah.
Cockeyed Betty
With my one eyed teen.
Elijah
Right.
Cockeyed Betty
It looks like she's 40. I'm gonna go ahead and step away from all the other crap you talked about. So your girlfriend sounds horrible, but you.
Elijah
Know, on the flip side, if he's honest with her.
Cockeyed Betty
Yeah.
Elijah
If he's talking to her about the situation, you're starting off on the right foot there. Yeah, like I'm an open book.
Cockeyed Betty
It's true.
Elijah
Here's the deal. You know, there was a crossover there, but if he was giving her the line that.
Cockeyed Betty
Oh yeah, we've been sit down with her. You know what?
Elijah
My wife left me a long time ago.
Cockeyed Betty
Take her to dinner and sit down and say, I need to talk to you. Look at me. Oh, let me sit on the other side. I forgot, sorry. Let me look you in the eye. I need to talk to your eye. See half of your soul. Look elderly looking, 23 year old, cockeyed Betty.
Elijah
Would you wear a patch for me?
Cockeyed Betty
Would you put these sunglasses on? Lose a little weight?
Elijah
Do you like pirate movies?
Cockeyed Betty
Get some Botox. You're 23, you look like you're 40. I mean, that is not a good thing to say about your girlfriend beyond all the other crap. She's 23, but she looks 40, so it's okay.
Brady
So what happens when she turns.
Cockeyed Betty
Yeah. What happens when she. Yeah, well, he'll be dead, but still, what do you say? 28 year difference? 61.
Elijah
Yeah.
Cockeyed Betty
Was that 51? I don't know how to do math. Sounds good to me. 51. 51.
Darren
Yeah.
Cockeyed Betty
Does it? She's got one eye and she looks like she's going through menopause.
Brady
He's in the 60s. So what are you gonna do?
Cockeyed Betty
50S. Brett, we did the math again. He's our age.
Brady
Oh, then. Yeah, yeah, bounce. Leave Cyclops alone and find something else.
Cockeyed Betty
Yeah.
Elijah
Eight years with that, she's gonna look 70.
Cockeyed Betty
Yeah, yeah, she's. If she's double her age now, every year is two and a half. So by the time she's actually 30, 68 years old, you've got six good years with old one eye. And you know what? She ain't gonna see it.
Brady
Now. Leave Cyclops alone.
Cockeyed Betty
She's probably peering at herself peripherally because that one side looks great. I hope we helped. Elijah. You wrote it. You had some fun. She's sweet and fun, but you wouldn't be writing a radio station letter if it was true love in your heart. And you're like, God, I really care about her. You're asking questions because you have questions, and your questions are valid and weird.
Elijah
Well, I started, so I made my own bet on this. I gotta stay with it.
Cockeyed Betty
You hose old one eye at work, and then. And then your wife and you broke up. You made excuses about it, and now you're keeping one eye around even though you're clearly not that attracted to her.
Elijah
Yeah, but I can put it in the eye. It doesn't bother her.
Cockeyed Betty
It's a finishing zone. It's like the clown's mouth in miniature golf, only better.
Elijah
Just be honest with Cyclops, Right?
Cockeyed Betty
Yeah. Say stuff like, I just don't see this working out.
Darren
What?
Cockeyed Betty
You heard me.
Elijah
Got my eye on you.
Cockeyed Betty
This thing's all cockeyed. I just don't. Anyway, this is the best one. I like this one a lot. Dear Brady, I met a girl online. She's beautiful, and, yes, we FaceTime. So she's real. We've completely fallen for each other and want to get closer, but here it is. She's Nigerian and needs me to send her some money to buy her a ticket.
Brady
There we go.
Cockeyed Betty
Suddenly I'm skeptical. She suggested, you don't have to send me money. Come see me. That means I have to go to Nigeria, and I don't love her that much. I don't want things to end. But this just got. Ooh, here's what he says. This just got super Sus. That's the thing people say now Darren, it's Sus. Now you're no. And no, it wasn't sus.
Elijah
Don't send her money for a ticket.
Cockeyed Betty
And don't go to Nigeria. Meet her in Miami and have her foot the bill for her own thing. If she'll never. If. If your Nigerian girlfriend can never afford to leave Nigeria, there's a problem. You leave her in the area. You don't need that here. Go back and listen to Eddie Murphy's old bit about unfufuu when he goes and gets her. American women are crazy. Go get me an African woman. Problem is she start hanging out with American women. Get Americanized. Eddie, I would like to talk to you. Half, Eddie, I want half. Yeah, it's your Nigerian girlfriend can't leave Nigeria. You're either going to be a Nigerian hero and move her here until she's.
Elijah
Yeah, there's that. The other thing is she finally gets over here. So long, sucker.
Darren
Of course.
Cockeyed Betty
So long, sucker.
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Cockeyed Betty
Holmberg's morning sickness. I go back to my story about my friend Ronson who at age 21 hired a or got a company and bought himself an Asian bride. He was still living at home with his parents. She came flying over here, looked amazing. They got married the first week because that was the arrangement. She stayed at the house or. No, they were going to. They agreed to get married the first week and they couldn't do it. I don't think you're allowed to do it for like 90 days. That was the rule. She's mowing the grass, she's doing the whole family's laundry. The house is spotless. She's performing on a nightly basis with him and anyone he points to. It's like, do that guy.
Darren
Okay, Mr. Ranson, anything you say, friend.
Cockeyed Betty
She came over here and was gangbusters. So great that at day 45, his younger brother, 19 years old, Jeff orders himself one.
Valley Chevy Dealer
This is too great.
Cockeyed Betty
She's on her way. It takes a little time. She's about to show up. This hits about the 90 day period where Mr. Ronson's girl disappeared. Because after 90 days she's allowed to stick around the country without his help. If she's done all the paperwork properly for the brothers is on the way. So they get another 90 days of free blow jobs and laundry done. And then that one disappeared too.
Brady
How much did it cost him?
Cockeyed Betty
I don't remember.
Elijah
Bring them over.
Cockeyed Betty
Eight to 12 grand or something.
Brady
Ninety days, that's kind of.
Cockeyed Betty
He didn't know that well. He thought it was a lifetime. And at first I was thinking about it's great she's doing this and that. His dad was happy because he was.
Elijah
Staying at the house when that. The other one. It was here in, In Phoenix. But they'd fly guys over. You'd go there for eight weeks.
Cockeyed Betty
Yeah.
Elijah
And all you're doing is meeting, courting.
Cockeyed Betty
The Russians, they used to be big on that. You'd fly over and meet them and then find your favorite and then shoot them back over here. And then they'd leave like it was almost every time. I've never seen one of those where it's like we were married for 47 years, just not a thing.
Elijah
There's only one I know. It was our old boss's friend Chuck's.
Cockeyed Betty
Oh, he got an Asian lady.
Elijah
Yeah.
Cockeyed Betty
But he's.
Elijah
And that happened for a long time.
Cockeyed Betty
But that guy soaked in money. That guy was rich. And he second marriage ended. He's 70. She's sticking around for that. She didn't stay for the citizenship. She got the. That's lottery stuff. Charlie handled that beautifully. That dude, he had tons of money hired out, got himself a South Korean that didn't mind.
Elijah
It worked.
Cockeyed Betty
How insanely racist he was. He and his friends towards her and everything. And then so I guess if you're.
Elijah
Seven, the other wives. Hilarious.
Cockeyed Betty
Hated it because it looked cuz otherwise recognize. Wow, she's better than us. That's what they see. That's what the other wives get mad at that because they're like, damn it. She's. She's doing the job that we say we don't have. Like we want to quality. This girl is subservient.
Elijah
Follows him.
Cockeyed Betty
And that's why. Yeah.
Elijah
Three feet behind.
Cockeyed Betty
Well that's why a woman always never gets in front of him. And they're always like, I guess that's it. What do you have to talk about? You think we want to talk to you? What do I have to talk about with you? All you do is complain at me. You tell me how wrong I am all the time. This one's like, oh, so it's about sex. Look, lady, here's what you don't realize about the male body. When it's functioning properly, that means every night we wake up with a raging erection. It's not our choice to be this way. It's genetic. It's biological. If your body works right, you wake up with wood every night. We're supposed to strive for it. It's not our fault. It's just what we are. So, yeah, a little Korean girl comes over and says, I'll do whatever this thing needs me to. Whenever that thing grows, I'll use it.
Darren
So that's what you really want? You don't want a partner to talk to or.
Cockeyed Betty
No, not really. I got friends for that.
Elijah
That's why we got this sex nanny, right?
Cockeyed Betty
Why do you think I ordered a sex nanny?
Darren
Is that what she is? A sex manny? She just does all the things I won't do.
Cockeyed Betty
Now you're getting it.
Brady
There you go, sister.
Darren
So you want somebody to just do all the laundry?
Cockeyed Betty
You want somebody to pay all the bills, whenever. Never bring that up.
Darren
You're a jerk.
Cockeyed Betty
You know what, Kwan Lee? Let's get out of here. This lady's mean.
Darren
Have fun with your. Your 4 and 12 year old.
Cockeyed Betty
I will, I will. You think you're fun? You're screaming out the window in curlers.
Elijah
Albeit Viet shack.
Cockeyed Betty
I'm going to see. I think she knows the secret menu. Hey, Tang. It's Brady's new girlfriend and I hanging out.
Darren
Oh, Tang. A single tone to fight.
Cockeyed Betty
I never had that before. Bring me a plate of that too. Tang. Two plates of. I'll call the police. It's 9:42. There you go. Don't order up Nigerians and fly them over here. Don't.
Brady
I didn't think that needed to even be said.
Cockeyed Betty
But you've got a Nigerian girlfriend.
Elijah
Yeah, but she's real.
Cockeyed Betty
Look, if you've ever FaceTimed with a Nigerian with the hopes of love, you're the problem, not them. You're going to lose your money. Don't. But I really. No. Where are your friends? Do you have any friends? I've known Brady for a long time.
Darren
Met a girl online from Nigeria. I'm thinking about flying her over.
Cockeyed Betty
I'm gonna punch you in the nose. Turn your. You're not allowed to work the computer. Sorry.
Elijah
I got all my info. She knows me.
Cockeyed Betty
I'm changing your passwords. You can't talk to her anymore.
Darren
Don't take my love away.
Elijah
You see me with an exacto knife carving out a book.
Cockeyed Betty
What exact?
Darren
Just carving some pages out so I can send some money for a plane ticket.
Cockeyed Betty
Why do you have to send her money? Just buy her a ticket.
Darren
Not how it works in Nigeria.
Cockeyed Betty
See? What do you have in common with a Nigerian woman?
Darren
So much.
Cockeyed Betty
Can only imagine.
Darren
I like goat.
Cockeyed Betty
Stop it. If you have a friend who's dating a Nigerian, end it.
Brady
Stop them immediately.
Cockeyed Betty
Yeah, be a friend, for Christ's sake. If you have a friend dating a girl from Arkansas, stop it. She's the same thing.
Darren
I just need a couple bucks to get from mountain home over to Phoenix. Then I'll do everything.
Cockeyed Betty
Take it from Dennis the emailer. Fell in love with that girl from Alaska. She. She shows up. She's Irish in Alaska and shows up. She's got a speed buggy issue down south and a dead tooth in her mouth he can smell across the room. You can't get imagine what that Nigerian's dental work's been like over the years. She can't afford a plane ticket. You think she's, you know, taking care of any of those holes in the back of her mouth? I don't mean to sound racist, but never date a Nigerian.
Brady
That's just common sense.
Cockeyed Betty
That's not common sense. And Nigerians, I understand why you're doing it, but knock it off. If you're listening over Nigeria, they have to live here for a while on their own before you can date them. My God, are you all that dumb? Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.
Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode: 06-30-25 - WWBD - His Soulmate Is Blind In One Eye - He Met Nigerian Online Who Needs Money - BO Release Date: June 30, 2025
In the June 30, 2025 episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness on Arizona's #1 Morning Radio Show, host John Holmberg, alongside co-hosts Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo, delves into two intriguing listener stories. The episode navigates the complexities of unconventional relationships, online romances, and the cultural nuances that accompany them. This summary captures the essence of these discussions, highlighting key points, notable quotes, and the hosts' perspectives.
Timestamp: [01:45] - [06:06]
Cockeyed Betty, a recurring persona on the show, presents a heartfelt letter from a listener named Elijah. Elijah shares his unconventional relationship with a 23-year-old woman who is blind in one eye. Despite the initial attraction and deep conversations, Elijah grapples with the age difference and the authenticity of his feelings.
Key Points:
Age Discrepancy: Elijah and his partner have a noticeable age gap, with Elijah being considerably older. Both appear to be in their mid to late 30s physically, masking the actual age difference.
Emotional Connection vs. Physical Intimacy: Elijah feels a strong emotional bond, describing his partner as a "soulmate," yet he has reservations about the lack of physical intimacy, reminiscent of his past relationship struggles.
Moral Dilemma: Elijah is conflicted about his feelings, questioning whether he should continue the relationship without jeopardizing his previous marriage.
Notable Quotes:
Cockeyed Betty: "I met a girl who's 23 years old. She's blind in one eye... She's like a soulmate."
Elijah: "Is this something I want to work? Because it would mean I didn't leave my wife for a fling."
Host Perspectives: Brady and other co-hosts engage in a candid discussion, offering blunt and humorous advice. They challenge Elijah to reassess his motivations and the sustainability of the relationship.
Notable Exchanges:
Brady: "Bounce. Leave Cyclops alone and find something else."
Cockeyed Betty: "She's sweet and fun, but you wouldn't be writing a radio station letter if it was true love in your heart."
The hosts emphasize the importance of honesty and self-awareness, suggesting that Elijah reconsider his priorities and the feasibility of maintaining such a relationship.
Timestamp: [06:06] - [16:42]
The episode shifts focus to another listener, Darren, who shares his experience of meeting a Nigerian woman online. Darren expresses his desire to take the relationship further by visiting her in Nigeria, only to encounter skepticism and concern from Cockeyed Betty and the hosts about potential scams and cultural misunderstandings.
Key Points:
Online Relationship Dynamics: Darren believes he has found true love through an online connection but faces practical challenges in taking the next steps.
Financial Concerns: The Nigerian woman requests financial assistance to purchase a plane ticket, raising red flags about the legitimacy of the relationship.
Cultural Stereotypes and Racism: The discussion touches upon stereotypes and prejudices towards Nigerian women, leading to a heated exchange about the validity of cross-cultural relationships.
Notable Quotes:
Cockeyed Betty: "Don't send her money for a ticket. And don't go to Nigeria."
Darren: "Don't take my love away."
Cockeyed Betty: "If you've ever FaceTimed with a Nigerian with the hopes of love, you're the problem, not them."
Host Perspectives: The hosts adopt a skeptical stance, cautioning listeners about the prevalence of online scams that exploit individuals seeking companionship. They use humor and candid language to convey their doubts, urging Darren to reconsider his approach.
Notable Exchanges:
Cockeyed Betty: "She can't afford a plane ticket... I'm changing your passwords. You can't talk to her anymore."
Brady: "Don't send her money for a ticket."
Cockeyed Betty: "Never date a Nigerian."
The conversation intensifies as Cockeyed Betty expresses strong disapproval of Darren's intentions, blending personal opinions with broader warnings about online relationships with international women.
Timestamp: [09:10] - [16:42]
Beyond the two primary listener stories, the hosts explore broader themes related to international marriages, particularly focusing on arranged marriages and the commodification of spouses from different cultures.
Key Points:
Arranged Marriages and Cultural Practices: The hosts recount stories of individuals who arranged marriages with Asian and Nigerian women, highlighting the transactional nature of these relationships.
Financial Exploitation: They discuss the financial burdens involved, such as the costs associated with bringing a foreign spouse to the United States.
Cultural Misunderstandings: There's a critical examination of the lack of genuine emotional connections and the cultural disconnects that often lead to the dissolution of these relationships.
Notable Quotes:
Cockeyed Betty: "She got a speed buggy issue down south and a dead tooth in her mouth he can smell across the room."
Cockeyed Betty: "But I really... never date a Nigerian."
Elijah: "I'm gonna go ahead and step away from all the other crap you talked about."
Host Perspectives: The hosts express a generally negative view of international and arranged marriages, emphasizing the superficial aspects and the potential for exploitation. They use anecdotal evidence and humor to reinforce their skepticism, portraying these relationships as often doomed from the start.
Notable Exchanges:
Cockeyed Betty: "Take it from Dennis the emailer. Fell in love with that girl from Alaska... never date a Nigerian."
Elijah: "But she's real."
The discussion underscores the importance of genuine emotional connections over transactional or convenience-based relationships, warning listeners about the pitfalls of international romances motivated by factors other than true affection.
The June 30, 2025 episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness offers listeners a candid and often humorous exploration of unconventional and international relationships. Through listener stories and dynamic discussions, the hosts shed light on the complexities and potential pitfalls of such connections. Notable for their blunt advice and critical perspectives, John Holmberg and his co-hosts encourage listeners to reflect on the authenticity and sustainability of their relationships, whether local or international.
Notable Takeaways:
Authenticity Matters: Genuine emotional connections are paramount for relationship longevity.
Caution in Online Relationships: Be wary of financial requests and cultural red flags in online romances.
Cultural Sensitivity: Avoid perpetuating stereotypes and ensure mutual respect in cross-cultural relationships.
Listeners are left with a deeper understanding of the challenges inherent in modern relationships, especially those that cross cultural and geographical boundaries, all delivered with the show's signature blend of humor and blunt honesty.
This summary is based on the transcript provided and aims to encapsulate the key discussions and sentiments expressed during the episode.