07-01-25 - Watching Old 50s Western Has John Loving The Realistic Nicknames And Our Creation Of Ejac John The Cowboy Shooter - BO

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona
Episode: Watching Old 50s Western Has John Loving The Realistic Nicknames And Our Creation Of Ejac John The Cowboy Shooter - BO
Release Date: July 1, 2025
Host: 98 KUPD | Hubbard Radio

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Introduction to the Episode

In this episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness, hosts Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo, and John Holmberg delve into their experiences watching old Western television shows. The primary focus revolves around the unique and often humorous nicknames assigned to characters in these classic series, exploring how such naming conventions reflect societal attitudes both past and present.

Discussion on Old Western Shows and Nicknames

Brady kicks off the conversation by recounting his late-night viewing of an old Western, where he encountered characters with peculiar nicknames like Pig Eye, Filthy Betty, and Cockeyed Bob (02:05). He humorously critiques the simplicity and directness of these nicknames, highlighting how they were often based on a character's physical traits or personal insecurities.

Brady: "One of the dudes' names was Pig Eye... They just look at you and make your biggest insecurity your name." (02:05)

John adds to the discussion by identifying the show as The Bounty Hunter (1954), noting that such nicknames might have appeared across multiple Westerns.

Character Analysis

The hosts analyze specific characters, emphasizing how the nicknames not only defined personalities but also perpetuated certain stereotypes and stigmas.

• Pig Eye: A character with an actual physical defect, Pig Eye's nickname is derived from his distinctive eye condition. Brady discusses the lack of sensitivity during that era, where such traits were openly mocked.

  Brady: "Nobody seemed to mind. They just laughed about it." (06:10)

• Filthy Betty: Likely a reference to a character's poor hygiene or possibly her occupation, the nickname underscores the crude humor prevalent in old Westerns.

  John: "She could have got it with her mouth, too." (05:52)

• Cockeyed Bob: Named for his misaligned eye, Cockeyed Bob is portrayed as someone who compensates with his unique shooting style.

  Brady: "Cockeyed Bob... he could shoot a gun cross arm." (05:00)

Comparison to Modern Sensitivities

The conversation shifts to a comparison of past and present attitudes toward nicknaming and personal insecurities. The hosts reflect on how modern society emphasizes sensitivity and inclusivity, contrasting sharply with the blunt and often hurtful nicknames of the Old West.

Brady: "Back then, they just called you by your flaw. Now, you have to be careful not to offend anyone." (08:24)

Creation and Discussion of "Ejaculate John"

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to the imaginative creation of a character named Ejaculate John. This fictional cowboy shooter embodies the exaggerated and humorous nature of old Western nicknames.

Brady: "He's Ejaculate John, the fastest ejaculate from north, east, south, and west of the penguins." (14:55)

The hosts humorously debate the feasibility and appropriateness of such a nickname in both historical and modern contexts, ultimately embracing the absurdity for comedic effect.

Reflections and Humor

Throughout the episode, the hosts use humor to critique and reminisce about the past. They joke about their own nicknames, such as Fat Face and Stinky Bob, playfully suggesting how they might have been labeled in the Old West.

Brady: "I just want to be called Stinky Bob forever." (07:57)

Additionally, they discuss how modern media, like anime, inadvertently mirror some of the exaggerated traits seen in these old Westerns, further blending nostalgia with contemporary pop culture references.

Incorporating Modern Media References

The hosts reference modern television shows and pop culture, drawing parallels between the exaggerated characters of old Westerns and contemporary media portrayals. They mention shows like F Troop and The Virginian, analyzing their blend of traditional Western elements with mid-20th-century sensibilities.

Dick Toledo: "My dad used to watch F Troop. The Jackal at John on F Troop brings a whole new meaning." (21:57)

Conclusion

The episode wraps up with the hosts reflecting on the enduring appeal of Westerns and their unique character naming conventions. They appreciate the straightforwardness and camaraderie depicted in these shows, despite recognizing the outdated and insensitive aspects of such nicknames.

Brady: "It was a better time when I could look at you and call you by your flaw without it being an issue." (10:04)

Through humorous anecdotes and nostalgic reflections, Holmberg's Morning Sickness offers listeners an entertaining exploration of old Westerns, highlighting how far societal norms have evolved while celebrating the timeless charm of classic cowboy tales.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Brady on Pig Eye: "They just look at you and make your biggest insecurity your name." (02:05)
• Brady on Modern Sensitivities: "Back then, they just called you by your flaw. Now, you have to be careful not to offend anyone." (08:24)
• Brady Introducing Ejaculate John: "He's Ejaculate John, the fastest ejaculate from north, east, south, and west of the penguins." (14:55)
• Humorous Nicknames: "I just want to be called Stinky Bob forever." (07:57)

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Note: This summary captures the essence of the discussion, focusing on the humorous and reflective analysis of old Westerns and their character nicknames. It maintains a neutral tone while addressing the content's sensitive nature.

Transcript

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[Brady]

All they show with none of the fluff. Let's get started. There's more of the best of Hombre's morning sickness.

[Dick Toledo]

It's Dick Toledo.

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[Brady]

Watched a a western late Friday night. Old old. I don't know who's in it. I don't know what it was. I don't even know the name of it. One of the dudes names was Pig Eye. And then there was they called him Pig Eye. He was somebody who's a pig eye. And the reason he was Pig Eye is because one of His. And he's a real. He's like a real history person. He's somebody from, like. Evidently, this is a real story. Pig Eye. And Pig Eye had a pig eye. And then there was this other lady. I think her name was Filthy Betty. And then Cockeyed Bob was another one. They looked at your eyes a lot and made names out of it. And then one of the go. One of the guys was called, like, Handsome Jeff or Handsome John or whatever, and he was ugly. And then I thought, how. How different. And this was. I think it was set in, like, 1867, right when abortion laws were made in Arizona. And I started laughing because I'm like, how fragile have we gotten in the last 150 years? That used to be in the olden times. They just look at you. Hey, Fat, how are you? Hey, look, it's Fat and his wife, Mrs. Fat. They would just pick out your biggest insecurity and make it your name. Poor Pig Eye had, like, one squinty baby eye, and the other eye was fine. Old Pig. I know. And, God, they use the word redskin a lot. Man, oh, man, you'd think the NFL would shut this movie down. It was a lot Old Pig Eye. Anti Pig Eyed. And evidently he was a. I don't know if he was a bad guy or a good guy. I was laughing too hard. Everyone's nickname was their face. Cockeyed Bob was. His was mainly because his eye was a little down, but he could shoot a gun cross arm. So he had, like, his. He'd close the wrong eye, put the gun on the wrong shoulder, like, right hand with the gun on his left shoulder. It all. Cockeye Bob. I want that to come back something fierce because we were a tougher people then. If you just took the biggest insecurity, you know, Elephant Boy, that would be me. I'd be walking towards you with my giant schn. Hey, Trunk Face. They just immediately make fun of everything you're doing. And they just played on it. And I'm like. Nobody seemed to mind. Nobody's like, you know what? I need a therapist. This is. My pig eye is very sensitive, and I don't like that you've triggered me. And everybody's all. Back then, they laughed about it. You go into a saloon as Pig Ey, Pig Eye. They all said, I know, I know. Just pointed to the dude. What's wrong with him? That's his name now. Peg Leg, Pig Eye, Stump Hand.

[John]

I checked out Pig Eye and Filthy Betty.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John]

One came up. The Bounty Hunter, 1954.

[Brady]

I don't know.

[John]

But they could have been in multiple Westerns because there was a couple others that.

[Brady]

Oh, I'm sure it was a black.

[John]

And white or cup.

[Brady]

It was black and white. Oh, it was black and white, all right. And it was that weird old. Shouldn't be on TV anymore. Black and white. It was like. It looked like it was from the 30s in the Sound.

[John]

And it seems like the horses move really quick.

[Brady]

Oh, they do. They speed them up. Oh, it's the best. But pig eye and I don't even know what. There's always a cactus something or other. And it was the craziest thing. But I'm like, we need to implement that in today's world.

[John]

Did someone come into the saloon with the jug of whiskey?

[Brady]

No. They did have a big shoulder. They did have the saloon. Probably missed that. I'm sure it was in the shot somewhere. I was laughing too hard at the names. That's Filthy Betty's problem. Filthy Betty. Like, how do you get that nickname?

[John]

Hooker?

[Brady]

She's a prostitute. That's all I thought, too. Her vagina is just brutal. And back in 1870, do you know how bad you'd have to stink to be called Filthy Betty?

[John]

Wouldn't take much.

[Brady]

How? It would take a ton. Everybody stunk.

[John]

That's what I'm saying.

[Brady]

To be the smelliest person in 1860 is. You're. This you. It's unmatched. Everybody stunk. Nobody got a bath. And you earned the name Filthy Betty. You're the dirtiest one in the 1800s. That's.

[John]

She could have got it with her mouth, too.

[Brady]

I don't know. I think then they just called her Foul Mouth Betty.

[John]

You don't talk like a lady or.

[Brady]

Sailor mouth or something like that. Filthy Betty is a. They were. That was a badge thing. Filthy Betty. I don't know. I watched like, five minutes, picked up the fact that everybody had a nickname based on an insecurity that they wore on the outside. And then they brought up Filthy Betty, who I didn't see but heard about twice. I don't know how Filthy Betty will handle this. Filthy Betty. Hi, I'm Filthy Betty. And everybody was fine with it. Like. Like, you are Brady. With, like, people from Ohio. You just fire off a name.

[John]

Hey, Fat face.

[Brady]

Well, that's something I'm gonna call myself forever now.

[John]

That's bent Stick, Fat Face.

[Brady]

Hey, lipless old broad. That's what I'll be called forever now. I love that name.

[John]

No Lips Nelly.

[Brady]

Yeah. They'd walk around. All right, I want Pig Eye. I want Scarface. I'll take Fat Junos. Let's get out of here. Was crazy. I loved every second of it. I'll take you over here, Fat Pig. And then this guy right here, a thump Head. And then this guy. Questionable sexual behavior. That's my nickname. Yeah, yeah. We. We were peeking in the windows last night. What the hell are you doing in there?

[John]

Come on, Moly Bill.

[Brady]

I am stinky Bob in 1860. And none of them thought, I gotta shed this nickname. Nope, you're Stinky Bob once you're Stinky Bob forever. And that's just how it went down. And then on one of those old makeshift crosses, it just says Stinky Bob. They didn't care.

[John]

We can't even do the first name and then the nickname.

[Brady]

Fast forward to 2024. Hey, how you doing? Who's he? He. Did you just call him hey? Oh, yeah, that guy over there. How do you know he identifies as a man? I don't know, but I'm an 1860s transplant and you're a face. And that's my nickname for you forever. You can't even get a pronoun wrong now. You'll lose your job. Back then, you could call anybody what you wanted by their facial. Their issues. Oh, Lazy Eye. Well, I've got a problem. It's like a medical condition. Shut up, Lazy Eye. I ain't talking. Keep it up and you're gonna be called Running Mouth. Yeah, there's Old Hands Betty. Oh, she's got a load of my right in her hands almost all the time. Never washes it off. Gotta perpetuate the name. I felt bad for Pig Eye. Cause not only was there a real pig eye, but the dude they cast had to have a pig eye to do the show. And he had one. And it wasn't pretty. It was like a birth defect. This eye, this dude had. And there's no way they had that go to makeup back then. It was about the size of a pig pin. This is this dot in his face. And he was. He wasn't a normal guy. But they kept Pig eye around for God knows what because everybody had something. And then there was just Sheriff. You earned that nickname if you had something. But you had to do something spectacular or they were just going to pick on you. And now we can't even say he or she without. You know, I got to go step into hr. I called Janice. I said she, and she said they. And I don't even know what that means, but she's crying. I gotta go Sit in an office and maybe lose my job.

[John]

Now I was in that movie. I was two tables over from Pig Eye in the one scene in the saloon.

[Brady]

I mean, it was a better time. I don't want to sound like a crazy person, but it was a better time when I could look at you and go, hey, look, he has pig eye and retard hair. And people would just be like, yep, I know who he's talking about. And let's be honest, if we brought it back, you'd know who we were talking to. Oh yeah, yeah, it's old dothead and the beekeeper. What'd your brain just do? You're all like me. Yeah, you're all just like me. Doesn't make us right. But it's like Brady's aunt back in the day. She was from the late 1800s. She just looked at you and said, all right chunks, follow me. And that was just the way things used to work. And you are almost from that time. It was a nickname of love, cuz that's how you guys grew up. You pointed out somebody's main flaw. There it was.

[John]

Let's go, Captain Hook.

[Brady]

My nose. That's what you're talking about. Captain Hook. It was a better time. What would your insecurity be that you wouldn't want to be nicknamed?

[Host]

I don't know.

[Brady]

I think I know it. I call you Harry Potter.

[John]

Harry Potter.

[Brady]

Yeah. Cuz you got a lightning bolt scar.

[Host]

I've had that a million times.

[Brady]

You don't like that, Scarlet?

[Scarlet]

No.

[Brady]

Yeah, because it represents something horrible. Now imagine in the 1800s. It's fragile. It's a thing you don't like to get banged around about.

[John]

Yeah, but you're not good at Quidditch.

[Brady]

Tried it a couple of times in the 1800s. If all things being the same today, that would be your nickname, Harry Potter. And you'd hate it. God damn it. Yeah, you'd hate it.

[John]

Let's go Slytherin.

[Brady]

Harry Potter. Toledo would be Easter Island. I mean we'd have all that and you know, just. It's like being on the show. But man, it was a. I was laughing because they weren't even batting an eye at it. Filthy Betty's the one that got me again. All I thought to myself, how bad in the old Wild west did your have to smell to earn the name Phil Feet Betty?

[John]

Some work.

[Brady]

I mean you are putting in zero effort.

[John]

You're probably within a 10 foot radius.

[Brady]

They can smell Filthy Betty coming. And she never got in a lake.

[John]

Or like what is that in the.

[Brady]

Room or like, you know, the horses had big troughs full of water. She could have just soaked in that for five minutes. Filthy Betty never once washed that beat on this morning sickness 1998 update this.

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[Scarlet]

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[Brady]

Morning Sickness and that thing. It's true. She just permeated the streets of old west towns. Yeah, that's Filthy Betty.

[John]

And they just get used to it after a while.

[Brady]

They got so used to it they just called her that. And I want to know who. There had to be a John Holmberg of the old west that would be like, there's old Filthy Betty. It's like, oh, did you call him? That's a name from now on. Good one, Holmberg. Nice job, Junos. Thanks, Cockeyed boss.

[John]

Watch one event and that's how they got their nickname. Something happened.

[Brady]

Like Matt o' Kummer. Yeah, yeah, but there was no Matt o' comer back then. There's old Ejaculate John. That didn't happen, Crazy Hands. Because if a dude just shot a load out of nowhere, they'd kill him. He's not. They're not dealing with old Ejaculate John. They're not nicknaming him all that would. That would have ended me Saturday at 2 in the morning watching an old western. All right, pig eye, grab a Jackaly John and let's get the horses ready. Like, how do you earn that name? Well, I'm old Ejaculate John. I'M the fastest ejaculate from north, east, south and west of the penguins.

[John]

That's where it's got the. The sitting by the fire out in the west. And how'd you get your name?

[Brady]

Put candles out with it. Good Lord. Old Ejacula John can make it. Touch Ejacula John. Put that fire out real quick. Come on now. We know you can do it.

[Dick Toledo]

This king is close.

[Brady]

Fire out the candles through the window.

[John]

He's the fastest jacker this side of the Mississippi.

[Brady]

All right. There goes Ejaculate John. He's gonna knock those candles right out, and then we'll make our move. Ain't that right, Cockeyed Bob? And Pig Faced Jane? Sure is, asshole. That ain't my nickname. It's gonna be keep it up.

[John]

He went to shoot me.

[Brady]

Pew, pew. Good work, Ejaculate John. He took those candles out and James came. Had no idea what's going on. Look at him peeking out the window. They're gonna come to the window, see what happened. Ejaculate John. I know you out there. Pew, pew, pew. Hit him, John.

[John]

Ah, blind his eye.

[Brady]

So much damn ejaculate in the Old West. No, they'd have killed that guy. No good use to have an ejaculate genre. He's useless. Hey, he can't shoot it like he used to. He's in his 40s now. It just kind of dribbles out. It looks like kind of a boy with cerebral palsy throwing up. Toothless man ate too much soup. This kind of falls out onto his leg. Now, remember when older Jackie Le John used to put candles out from 10, 12, 15ft.

[Dick Toledo]

Used to have control.

[Brady]

Actually, they said pacing, they ate 10 paces. The jacket John could knock your candles loose. Jack of the John. I don't need you to put the candle out this time. Knock the candle down and burn down the cabin. You got it.

[John]

I saw him once. He knocked somebody out.

[Brady]

He put old cockeyed Bob's eye out.

[Dick Toledo]

That a Jack of the John with you?

[Brady]

No, it ain't.

[John]

Yes, it is.

[Brady]

God damn it. You hit me right in the mouth. I tasted Jack of the John before. It's I rue the day you quiet down in there. Seed swallowing Steve.

[John]

The most dramatic scene is there. It's a. They're in the barn and he's up in the hayloft. And a drip hits a guy in.

[Brady]

The bottom right over there, right between the duck. I got you now, Ejaculate John. I don't know how that. I don't know how it worked back then. I have no idea how this conversation started.

[Dick Toledo]

Scene from Young Guns where Brian Keith is in the outhouse.

[Brady]

Yeah. Pew, pew. He just dead quiet. Jack Le John's on top of the outhouse and he's got the drip. OLDER Jagged John was with Filthy Betty last night. Now he can't shoot. I like that time. I think that's a better time. Oh, Harry Potter. Easter Island. Fat Juno's coming at you live. Here goes Chunks.

[John]

He's running.

[Brady]

Hey, smells like Mike. Get over there. I want a new nickname. Well, it stops smelling so much like all the time. Guess that's true. Hey, here comes Exorbitant amount of blackheads. Bob. Ew. These are very specific.

[Dick Toledo]

Don't forget Brett's people had the. Those nicknames in the 40s. They just transferred from the Old West.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah. No. Yeah. And the Italians do it. You guys, I don't know if it's still going.

[John]

The accountant. Greasy Fingers Tone.

[Brady]

Yeah, yeah, but that. Yeah, Greasy Fingers. Baby Face. It was a better time. You had Scarface. Baby Face.

[John]

Big.

[Brady]

Big, I don't know, Holly Walnuts. Holly Walnuts. They just saw something you were doing and named you that.

[Dick Toledo]

Hey, John, try having a nickname in your family. Mine is Blackie, and I'm cool with it.

[Brady]

I'm not asking how I'm that conversation. We met your girlfriend, Blackie. Hey, guys, come on. Be nice to her. Never. Yeah, there's Blockhead. No. Dick Bastard. And Harry Potter. This is the whole show, John.

[Dick Toledo]

You've taught me not to have gaps in the show. I stepped out of my truck when this conversation started. Step back in. What the hell is this show called?

[Brady]

Ejaculate John and the Horsepower Hour. I don't know what I was watching. Maybe it was something called Bounty Hunter. I should have looked. I laughed. I watched a little bit of it, and it didn't really dawn on me until like, 20 minutes later, I'm like, almost. And then I tried to find it again. It was gone.

[Dick Toledo]

Wasn't your grandmother's favorite show the Virginian?

[Brady]

Oh, yeah. The Virginian was. I don't think they did that on the Virginia. Well, the one that always confused me was Will Rogers. Will Rogers was. You know, if you get a chance to just Google up some Will Rogers, it used to be on FETV every day, and I watched it because they were pony riding.

[John]

Boring.

[Brady]

Well, they're horribly boring. But if you watch with a different eye, because I bet you didn't notice this, they talked about World War II a lot and drove cars yeah, because it was. Some of them.

[John]

It was taking place in the 1950s.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John]

Yeah.

[Brady]

But Will Rogers was ponying up all over. They're shooting Indians, they're having these rustlers come by. There was none of this. And then their friend had a jeep and he'd drive behind him in the. Just get in the G. It was.

[John]

Like the Yellowstone the days.

[Brady]

Yellowstone was in 1920s. Right. Teens, tens.

[John]

It's a modern, huh?

[Brady]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay. But you can ride around the ranch. I'm not saying when somebody's got a jeep and you got to get to old Crawfish, everybody's getting in the Jeep. But, you know, Dale and Will would get on the horses and put the outfits on. They weren't ranchers. They're just hanging around and they'd stop stage coaches and train robberies. And I'm like, It's gotta be 1950. You just talked about the Japs. This is he. And one of the guys was a veteran from the war. And he came back like all this was normal. Like, he goes back to the saloon, they're swinging doors, and I'm like, no, cities in the 50s still had this. That weren't like tombstone throwback tourist traps. Yeah. This wasn't a thing, but America ate it. Al. Yeah. Island Drip Pants. Jeff. That's his name. Every time he pees, he comes back a little. Looks like the Hawaiian islands on his pants. Anyway. Yeah. Ejaculate Jones. One of the greatest characters of all time, it says. I've been listening to you guys since you first took over from the Menstrual Mare, which. I like that name. Great name, too. Yeah. I do believe Ejaculate John's the hardest I've laughed in all these years. Thank you, Jake. I question your sense of humor, Jake. Something right with you if that's the one that got you? Although it is funny John.

[Dick Toledo]

My dad used to watch F Troop. The Jackal at John on F Troop brings a whole new meaning.

[Brady]

Pornhub Search Ejaculate John and F Troop. I'm. I'm guessing Lana Rhodes has five D's in her hand. It's just. It was. I was laughing. You know, I get up in the middle of the night sometimes, just for no reason, pee, turn the TV on and I don't know what. I wish to God I'd have paid more attention. I just flipped through, watched a minute because I just. I was taken aback by how bad the quality was. It was bad. Black and white. That noise in modern tv. That noise shouldn't Be happening. That's why I was like stunning horses flopping around. No reason. But then Pig Eye showed up and Filthy Betty got mentioned and I was dying because you can't do that now. Somebody's got a limp. You got to ignore it. There's old cerebral palsy. Timothy, that's not funny. Horrible. Don't call him that. CP Tim. Why? He's clearly got it. You know who I'm talking about. I guess it is clearer than Norm.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, you mean old sticky out there.

[Brady]

Like my friend and his daughter. The great story I've told before. My. My. My friend's daughter was talking about people coming over to the house. She said, you've met Marcus. He was here a few days ago. Or. Which one was he? Oh, he was one of the kids that was here. Dad in the pool. Which one? The black one. Oh, my God. Was he the black one or not? Oh my God, dad, really? Does he not know he's black? What have I said wrong?

[John]

Have I just informed you he still won't go? He had a black hair. Curly black hair.

[Brady]

Why does it have to be about that? I'm trying to figure out which kid is coming over. Cause if he isn't the black one and there's a black guy in my backyard, I'm calling the cops. You're ridiculous. We don't see this back then. Boy, that would have been, you know, Ebony Dave's coming over and you'd have known exactly who she's talking. Was that your opaque friend? Huh? All right. He's allowed everywhere but in the pool. That's for Filthy Betty. Oh, where's that other email I had about that guy who was. This is bad. Talking about the terminal illness thing. Not that one. Not that one. Anyway, this guy said. How bad was it? That. Where'd it go? Something about his terminal illness. But he said, I didn't have terminal illness with a girl, but I had sex with her when I. She had cerebral palsy. The email printed. Wow, is that bad? Yes. Yes, it is. Nathan Sutherland. It's a step up for you, but yeah. Holmberg's morning sickness and then. Do palsy people actually need that?

[Host]

What? The D. Yeah, everybody needs it. Doesn't mean you have to give it shouldn't.

[Brady]

Again, this sounds old timey. Shouldn't they stay with their own? I agree, but.

[John]

Well, no.

[Brady]

You think a regular should bang a palsy?

[John]

If they want consenting adults, absolutely.

[Dick Toledo]

Ask Josh.

[Brady]

Blue one can't get away. I know. That's different. She's still wrong. She's There for the money, clearly. And left with most of it. I don't know. You can rally up for a palsy.

[John]

I don't think so. But, you know.

[Brady]

You wouldn't question me if I brought a palsy girl in? No, you lion pilot. You know what? My nickname.

[Host]

Don't worry, I would.

[Brady]

I was gonna say, come on. My Old west nickname. There's old Pa. Stop calling me palsy.

[Dick Toledo]

You almost were convincing with that.

[Brady]

First thing you do, going home. I think love is beautiful. He's with his mom for a weekend. I think love is beautiful. You want to have relations with a palsy? It's conjugal palsy, John. Oh, come on, guys. Just call me Juno's again. Nope. You've earned a new one. And oh boy, are we talking about. It was basically like the Old west was like the Bravo channel that just out loud. Just a bunch of gay drama queens screaming and yelling. Anyway, sorry, High diagram. Brett, what do you have in the big board of musical treat? All right.

[Host]

Wake Up Song brought to you by our buddies over at Action Ride Shop. They still got the. They still got the mountain bike and E bike up there for you guys. So if you want to get in on some of that, buy yourself a pair of socks for 50 bucks. Get yourself an entry in for a $10,000 Santa Cruz bicycle. All the details [e-mail].

[Brady]

By the way, a lot of people nicknaming the show. This one I like the most you got Greasy Brett. Clearly Big Nose John, right. Rich would still be Big Dick Toledo. Funny. Ironic. And then two choices for you, Brady. The gut or the stomach.

[John]

I like the gut.

[Brady]

You like the gut?

[John]

Yeah.

[Brady]

There's old Tummy Puddles. Oh, that's a KDKB guy. That's Dustin. Hey, Tommy Puddles. What's going on?

[Dick Toledo]

John, wasn't your character of Johnny Come lately the Rifleman?

[Brady]

What does that mean? Oh, not Ejaculate Johnny Come Lately. I was like, ew, the Rifleman.

[Dick Toledo]

Watch those videos.

[Brady]

He's a real straight shooter. Old Ejaculate John. Somebody draw that for me and make a movie poster and I'll buy it. Where he's got his holsters are empty and his hands are out like he's shooting. There's a body going down, just dead eye.

[Host]

Somebody. Somebody just posted this. Apparently the Japanese beat you to Ejaculate John.

[Brady]

What? There's actually a guy named that. There's a cartoon of Ejaculate John.

[Host]

Well, we don't know if that's his name, but he fights with his semen. Yeah.

[Brady]

This is not an original thought. Oh, my God.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, my God.

[Brady]

No way. Let's just stand up. Just shoot him out.

[Valley Chevy Ad Voice]

Let's go, Matrix.

[Brady]

Well, you've got guns and you're losing to this guy.

[John]

You're distracted.

[Michael]

He needs a nap.

[Brady]

How many loads can he fire before he's in trouble? He can run after he does it. He's a God. Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

By the way, that sounds. Him running.

[Host]

Yes.

[Brady]

Yeah, the first one wasn't. And he's got a horse. This is all right. You can YouTube this. It's called fighting with semen. The strangest fight in the world of anime. Golden. No idea.

[Host]

I'm not saying that.

[Brady]

Yeah, he started beating off again. Got another one.

[John]

It worked.

[Brady]

These guys can't hit him with a gun, and he's two for two on his shots. Two things. One. Thank you for sending that. Who?

[Host]

Whoever that was.

[Brady]

Steven, chill. The fact that our conversation about ejaculate John made you go, hey, that reminds me. Makes you the weirdest person in the whole entire universe. Yikes. Yeah, I feel like that's bad. That scares me a little bit. Yeah. This guy. Okay, so it says that he just resented. It says, I never say I hooked up with the terminal person, but I did hook up with a girl that had cerebral palsy. Maybe not the same thing, but what can you do? Eddie? It didn't sound like he was dating her. He slayed it. And then he. Then he rolled her back out to the bus stop and said, they'll be here in a minute.

[Dick Toledo]

John, given Brett's Italian history and his love for certain things, how can you not call him Trigger?

[Brady]

Yeah, well, that could be. You know what my nickname for Brett would be? The Magician Makes body People just disappear.

[Host]

I don't know. No, no, no, no.

[Brady]

Hey, Copperfield. You calling me a Jew? No, no, no, no. I'll change it. I'll change it to Magician. Never mind. Copperfield was a stretcher.

[Host]

Houdini.

[Brady]

Yeah, Houdini. There you go. Okay. Houdini was Italian. Oh. People just disappear. I mean, look, how hard is it? They probably were accusing Houdini of, like, the bodies. You're putting them under the ice.

[Host]

It happened.

[Brady]

Hey, they. They watch. Put me under that ice, I'll pop right back up. Can't get rid of me.

[Valley Chevy Ad Voice]

You can't.

[Brady]

It's easy. I don't know what you're talking about.

[Dick Toledo]

Anyway, since you asked earlier, the premise of the Roy Rogers show is a western themed variety show that follows Roy Rogers, the king of the cowboys as he helps keep the peace in the fictional mineral city.

[Brady]

But mineral city's in Kansas.

[Dick Toledo]

He says he fights against greedy claim jumpers and helps the FBI. Yeah, well, I wasn't around until the 40s.

[Brady]

Yeah, it was a Hoover was going out to this lunatic homosexual in the all blue outfit. And people would show up from out of town in, like, modern cars. What's got going on here? And they. And they were, like, taken aback by it. We don't need this futuristic stuff, but it's the 50s. There was TV. Like, they were acting like they were setting another time, but they were set in the exact time they were on television. So they could just go home and watch the news and then stop claim jumping, which, by the way, that was over. I believe the homestead act changed all that. That was 1865.

[Host]

So they'd be out there in the old west, and some guy would show up in a 57 Fairlane or something like that.

[John]

You would see, like, can't get that through the woods.

[Brady]

People that would. The worst part is, like, they'd stop and make the noise on the dirt road, and then they'd get out and do something terrible. And Roy was their best hope in all the town to catch him because it was him and his buddy with a jeep. And Roy would catch him in the horse first.

[John]

He was the original Walker.

[Brady]

It's a fascinating show if you're not trying to be entertained by what they're doing and looking at how stupid everyone watching had to be to just go, yeah, that's like, what is this? The Eisenhower administration is still going on? It doesn't add up.

[John]

It was like a combo of Walker, Texas Ranger, and heart to heart.

[Brady]

Because he has involved his wife. Yeah, she was involved, but she kind of ran the diner. Let's not go crazy. She showed up late.

[Dick Toledo]

Apparently, his sidekick Pat Brady, drove around.

[Brady]

That's him. Jeep. That was the willys Jeep. That's what I said. His buddy had a jeep. And he was kind of nelly bell. Nelly bell. And he was kind of the dumbass, Even though he's the smartest guy in Mineral city. Look it up. I'm giving you a little history lesson on tv. It's just. I think I've seen every episode. It's one of the strangest things you'll ever see. And women coming in. The thing that threw me off was the giant parasols and massive 1800s outfits.

[Dick Toledo]

And I'm like, guys, they're holding on to an era.

[Brady]

They invented the atomic bomb. Like, you guys are Way behind it seemed to be. It's. If today it would be a cult, you'd firebomb the whole city. It's beyond the Amish. They were up to no good. They. They refused modern stuff.

[John]

I don't caresh.

[Dick Toledo]

I don't know about it, but they'd.

[Brady]

Like candles and stuff like that. We've had a long time. We've had lights says, don't forget.

[John]

I don't trust that stuff.

[Dick Toledo]

Don't forget. Roy had a dog named Bullet and a chimpanzee who held a gun.

[Brady]

That's right, chimp. They occasionally let the chimp fire. Well, if there were enough Indians around, because that was still okay, I guess. But yeah, they would, like go to bed and blow out a candle. I'm like, no, but people ate it up. It was like the number one show on TV for years because it was that thing where they were trying to balance what old Westerns, which they loved and then kind of eeking into modern day.

[Dick Toledo]

They made a toy set out of the Nelly bell.

[Brady]

In the 70s, Roy Rogers would show up, like talk shows and stuff, and he'd be all gussied up in the outfit, like, still real to me. Damn it. Like, you have his. His horse. Remember his horse was Trigger.

[Dick Toledo]

And the Nelly Bell pulled a horse trailer with Trigger in it.

[Brady]

And occasionally Nelly Bell was useful. Like, we've got a car. It was a war jeep. And I remember that part because when I first saw it, I'm like, hold on a sec. Because I was buying, like, wait, why has that guy got a car? That's like a 1946 Willys. That's a World War II Jeep. I mean, they're in the midst of the Korean War. When this thing's going on, people. America's been dumb for a long time. Sorry, I digress. It's our. It's our treatment of the Roy Rogers show here on the Morning Sick. It happened. Oh, I like that one. Your nickname somebody just suggested is Inward Brett. Like he's a deep thinker.

[Host]

Yeah, that's exactly what it means.

[Brady]

I laughed for 20 minutes yesterday. Jim N gave me an update. CBS sports update. Today at the Wells Fargo, Rory McElroy shot two birdies on the inward nine. That's what they're calling. That's not just me. They're not even hiding the racism on the golf course anymore. I played The N word nine and the Jewy back nine. Inward nine. Rory McElroy. Two Eagles fires two Eagles on the inward nine. Whoa. Like you can say that. Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.