07-02-25 - FULL SHOW - WEDNESDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD - BO

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona: Episode Summary (07-02-25)

Host and Contributors:

• John Holmberg: Host
• Brett Vesely: Co-host
• Additional Contributors: Brady Bogen, Dick Toledo

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1. The 88-Year-Old Stewardess Story

Timestamp: [01:45] – [05:24]

The episode kicks off with John Holmberg expressing his frustration over the recent news of an 88-year-old flight attendant who passed away—the oldest stewardess in the world. Holmberg criticizes the notion of elderly individuals continuing to work in demanding service roles, particularly in the airline industry.

Notable Quotes:

• John Holmberg ([01:46]): "If you got a grandma that's still going to work and humping it every day in her 80s, shut her off."
• Brett Vesely ([02:53]): "My mom was a dental hygienist for 55 years. Now she would do it two or three times a week, right?"

Holmberg argues that seeing elderly people in such roles is not "lovely or beautiful" but rather a sign of deeper societal issues, such as financial instability or healthcare challenges forcing individuals to remain in the workforce beyond a reasonable age.

2. Anecdotes on Elderly Employment

Timestamp: [05:24] – [08:18]

The conversation delves deeper into personal anecdotes and hypothetical scenarios illustrating Holmberg's disdain for elderly workers. Brett shares his mother's long-term employment as a dental hygienist, contrasting it with the unwanted image of an 80-year-old flight attendant.

Notable Quotes:

• John Holmberg ([06:07]): "She's been working since 1957, you’ve got a nice pension, you’ve got a nice retirement. Shut it down."

Holmberg emphasizes the importance of retirement and criticizes those who remain employed without advancement or genuine need, viewing it as a "waste" of one's later years.

3. Airline Culture and Modern Stewardesses

Timestamp: [08:18] – [14:01]

Holmberg and Vesely discuss the evolution of flight attendant roles, comparing older, more uniformed attendants to modern, casually dressed counterparts. They critique the shift from a "glorious" aviation era to the current state, where functionality and personal expression seem to overshadow professionalism.

Notable Quotes:

• John Holmberg ([10:02]): "Flying used to be like, put a suit on, everybody was beautiful. Now it’s like, you know, they look like Mormon missionaries."
• Brett Vesely ([12:13]): "Have a squeezer and some hard candy."

They also touch upon discriminatory practices and the pressures faced by flight attendants to maintain certain appearances, further complicating Holmberg's view on elderly workers remaining in these roles.

4. Listener Emails and Personal Stories

Timestamp: [17:50] – [25:14]

The segment shifts to listener interactions, where Holmberg reads an email about his wife undergoing breast reduction surgery without his prior knowledge. The discussion becomes a critique of relationships strained by physical changes and the lack of communication, with Holmberg sarcastically suggesting that such actions indicate a partner's shift towards same-sex relationships.

Notable Quotes:

• John Holmberg ([18:55]): "She’s making me the bad guy, saying if I loved her, it wouldn't matter, but if she loved me, she would know that it does, because I loved her boobs more than her."
• Brett Vesely ([20:53]): "You need to include your spouse, you'd think so."

This exchange highlights the hosts' cynical perspectives on marriage and physical appearance, interwoven with humor and sharp commentary.

5. Smuggler's News Segment

Timestamp: [67:50] – [74:03]

Brady Bogen introduces the "Smuggler's News," presenting bizarre and humorous stories of individuals caught smuggling unusual items, such as gold dust concealed in their bodies or live animals hidden in luggage.

Notable Stories:

• India: A flight attendant smuggled 960 grams of gold dust rectally.
• Thailand: A passenger attempted to transport live tigers in stuffed animals.
• Australia & Singapore: Incidents involving meth-laden burritos and tropical fish hidden in custom aprons.

Notable Quotes:

• John Holmberg ([68:09]): "Whoa, awful gold dust, woman."
• Brett Vesely ([68:46]): "You’re supposed to knock still."

These stories serve as comedic relief, showcasing the absurd lengths individuals go to circumvent travel regulations.

6. Cultural Commentary on Modern Behaviors

Timestamp: [55:37] – [75:44]

The hosts critique contemporary societal behaviors, particularly focusing on the prevalence of twerking in inappropriate settings, such as news segments featuring dead bodies. They lament the loss of decorum and respect, attributing it to generational and cultural shifts.

Notable Quotes:

• John Holmberg ([107:08]): "Dead body be damned. Look at my ass."
• Brett Vesely ([110:58]): "You’re saying that homeless guy took my day."

Holmberg and Vesely use these observations to underscore their views on the deterioration of societal values, interspersed with dark humor.

7. Aging Population and Economic Impact

Timestamp: [76:11] – [78:02]

Discussing the "Silver Tsunami," the hosts highlight the growing elderly population and its potential economic repercussions. They touch on wealth distribution, retirement trends, and the challenges of an aging workforce.

Notable Quotes:

• Brett Vesely ([76:21]): "People over 65 are set to outnumber children by the year 2030."
• John Holmberg ([77:19]): "Half the wealth in the US is now held by people born before 1965."

Holmberg sarcastically welcomes the economic shift, reinforcing his earlier criticisms of prolonged employment among seniors.

8. Concluding Remarks and Final Segments

Timestamp: [98:17] – [134:35]

The episode wraps up with a blend of off-topic humor, including discussions on medical procedures like vasectomies, fictional anecdotes about finding dead bodies, and light-hearted banter about pop culture references. The hosts maintain their irreverent tone, blending humor with their critiques of societal issues.

Notable Quotes:

• John Holmberg ([104:32]): "If you sound like you’re trying to keep track, you’re too busy seeing stuff."
• Brett Vesely ([130:07]): "How dare you stop Dave Pashman twerking over Bill Wal."

The final segments emphasize the hosts' ongoing themes of societal decay, personal responsibility, and generational divides, all delivered with their characteristic humor and sharp wit.

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Conclusion:

This episode of "Holmberg's Morning Sickness" primarily revolves around critiques of elderly individuals remaining in the workforce, especially in service-oriented roles like flight attendants. Through a mix of personal anecdotes, listener interactions, and cultural commentary, Holmberg and Vesely express their concerns about societal shifts, aging populations, and the erosion of traditional values. The episode is interspersed with humor, dark jokes, and satirical takes on modern behaviors, providing an engaging yet provocative listen for the audience.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. All right, HMS Podcast time again. It'll let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. All right, just a Note that the three venues will all be closed on July 4th. That's Friday night. That doesn't mean there's a lack of comedy though, because we have Francisco Ramos coming in on Saturday at Stand Up Live run on Hirshberg and Camp Bertrand, Thursday, Saturday, Sunday at Tempe Improv. And John Heffron is going to be at the Desert Ridge Improv on Thursday, Saturday, Saturday and Sunday as well. For the complete lineups and for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com this Fourth of July celebrate family fun and the freedom to save with your Valley Chevy dealers. It all starts with spectacular offers available now at the Valley Chevy July 4th event. You'll have the freedom to choose from an extensive lineup ready for all adventures ahead, including popular models like the legendary Silverado with four powerful engine choices, the road trip ready Equinox blending first class comfort with intuitive tech, and the feature packed Chevy tracks with undeniable value. No matter how you celebrate the 4th of July, it's always better in a Chevy.

[Brett Vesely]

But don't miss out.

[John Holmberg]

Visit a Valley Chevy dealer near you today. Do not listen to this while driving or when full alertness is needed. The best of Homburg's morning sickness. This is the big red radio. And then there's the other thing that just disgusts me. Everybody's losing their minds over this old lady stewardess. This weekend I saw a story about the 88 year old stewardess who passed away and she was the oldest stewardess in the world. And she started when she when they called them stewardesses and then they're flight attendants and then they're like manipulation drink specialists. I don't know what you call them now. Stewardesses. And then she died. She was working like right up till a few years ago.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Is there a single. Let's be honest with ourselves. Sad. The shed. She's gone. Nobody likes somebody dying. She's 88. All that. If you get on a plane and saw a woman in her 80s as the stewardess, are you happy? Nobody wants to see 80 or A. I find it sad when 80 year olds are working. My brain starts saying, oh, they're forced back into the to work because they're they're broke. They're broke and old. And then you start thinking about the health care system and probably had something wrong with her and drained all her cash. Or there's some guy online in Nigeria that swiped all of her money so she had to go back into the workforce and start flying again. No, this lady just annoyed us and wouldn't go away until she was like 80 something. And I don't find that lovely or beautiful at all. If you've got a grandma that's still going to work and humping it every day in her 80s, shut her off. If you've worked the same job since 1957, you've got a nice pension, you've got a nice retirement. Shut it down. Nobody wants to see. Especially in the service industry. If I went to a nice restaurant and an 80 year old came up and waited on me, I'd be like, we're leaving immediately. Like we're not going to deal with this. This, this is awful.

[Brett Vesely]

My mom was a dental hygienist for 55 years. Now she would do it two or three times a week, right?

[John Holmberg]

She wasn't like humping it full time.

[Brett Vesely]

But she did it for 55 years.

[John Holmberg]

And then probably an hour a day, couple of days. She felt like maybe just old, you know, clients and things. Like she kept doing it cuz they're like, I don't want a new one. Probably other old people.

[Brett Vesely]

She did it for getting money for smokes and wine.

[John Holmberg]

Right? Now again, Bray. That's what she told your family she was doing. But nobody wants a shaky old lady in their mouth. Well, wait a minute, hold on a second, let me change that. For dental reasons. She could have been going out doing all sorts of crazy stuff, saying she was. Nobody's gonna ever question Bunny. Gotta go do a couple of mouths. That's what she said when she left the house. But what she didn't realize was she wasn't talking about dental hygienists going out doing a couple of mouths. Dr. Webb come back with her hands all gummy. Ugh, what a day. Where were you mom? Doing some mouth. Giving some mouth out, huh? Yeah, that's my dental hygienist mom. Who knows? I just don't find it appealing.

[Brett Vesely]

We're on a plane too, which would be tough. You're thinking she's gonna fall her old.

[John Holmberg]

Mummy bones are walking up and down that they should have a mandatory go away age for stewardess. We need to have a throwback time to airlines where they. That's what was so great. About setjet. Remember, like one of the things they said was, we're hiring models all world. This place is gonna look good at all times. It's a throwback to when flying was glorious and worked. And that's the other thing is if Your stewardesses are 80 90s years old and you're just basically telling people it ain't a big deal. Flying used to be like, put a suit on, everybody was beautiful. The pilots looked great, everybody looked good. Now it's like, you know, they look like Mormon missionaries. The pilots are wearing those short sleeves, flannel jacket. Nobody cares anymore. There's a guy with a shirt off, somebody with a chicken on their head. Flying some red eye on an airline that just started yesterday. It needs to go back a little bit. But to have an 80 year old stewardess is not. They're making it seem like that's a good thing. When 80 year olds have to work, something's gone wrong in their lives. I don't see that as just cutting out spaces and books and putting cash in it. Exactly. And then it's like, why are you here? That's the first thing I'd say. Why are you used to. I just love it so much. Nobody loves working this much, lady. What are you running from? Everybody likes their job. Everybody needs a purpose. But what are you running from? You don't need to fly the friendly Dottie.

[Brett Vesely]

She'll clean the bathrooms.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, exactly. She's got to put those gloves over her old liver spotted hands and reach in and get those towels and tampons and everything else. Every. And, and another thing, couldn't have been that good at it. Cuz never got promoted. Since 1957 the news is going on and on about what a wonderful. No, she was a stagnant worker for what is that, 70 years? Come on, have some pride in your life. If you retire 70 years into a job and you never got promoted, that's nothing to celebrate. That's horrible. What a waste.

[Brett Vesely]

There's one airlines that's still just like the catch me if you can movie.

[John Holmberg]

With walking with all the.

[Brett Vesely]

It's Air Emirates. See those girls walk in in a pack. Yeah, they got their little matches.

[John Holmberg]

I've seen the commercials. I've never actually seen what they really look like, but in the commercials they dress it up pretty nice. You tell that story about when you were in college, there was that dude you worked with, that, was it UPS or whatever, the old black guy?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Been here for 30 years and you got promoted like in like a week. You were his boss, the overnight package guy. And you're in there working with this dude overnight sorts. 30 years of. Been sorting for 30 years. Brady. I've been. Good to meet you. You could be here. My partner for the next 30 years. Funny you say that. I just got promoted and. Peace out. I gotta go. I'm a daytime worker. That happens to everybody but me.

[Brett Vesely]

Congratulations.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. 30 years in the same position. Now there, look at that. Some pictures of the. Is this the Emirates? Yes. Yeah. They got those scars on their heads.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, man.

[John Holmberg]

It's some sort of weird religious.

[Brett Vesely]

The other one. It's mostly.

[John Holmberg]

I'm fine with that. That's sexy Muslim, right? That's not the beekeeper outfit. That's a hot Muslim outfit. Are they. That has to be right. That's kind of got to be like. It's almost. It's almost skirting the system of like. Yeah, we got to cover our heads, but we can do it like this.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, it's like combo.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. That's kind of hot. That's good looking. Are they real though, or are they just models?

[Brett Vesely]

I'm just telling you the last time flying like to a Switzerland or wherever we see the Air Emirates come in, they're walking in a pack.

[John Holmberg]

They walk in five or six and.

[Brett Vesely]

They got their matching luggage.

[John Holmberg]

And they don't get mad when they call them stewardesses. They're just happier not cutting their hands off. Whoa.

[Brett Vesely]

The other one that used to. I told you about this was. It's in Ryan Air. They used to do a calendar.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, calendars for the hot girls up there in Ireland. Ryanair. Ryan. I think they went out of business, but I don't. I don't look at really old people working in US. I don't think. I think it's sad if you're 80 and you're having a job. Like. I get it. Like Tripp is. I don't know how old Tripp is, but he's up there. But he's achieved like a really high status. Like, that's tough to walk away from stewardess money. That's easy to like those teachers. 91 years old and I've been teaching the kids. This is terrible. You need. You never got promoted. You must not be good at teaching. Yeah. The Ryanair calendars, I think they cease to exist now because 2014 might be the last. It was basically the Hooters of air travel. Even though Hooters tried on airline for a while, this was. That was the idea behind it. But they had nice bikini. Bikini stewardesses on Ryanair. And their flights were like 11 bucks. Like you could fly because 20 pounds. Yeah, yeah. Skip over to anywhere up there. Scotland, Ireland and England is like for 25 bucks you could fly, fly anywhere you wanted to go. Bikini bearing flight attendants. Nice. Yeah. And imagine that wives stopped wanting to fly on Ryanair because, you know, then they realized their husbands were still virile and alive. You like looking at that, don't you? Yes, I do. I'm. I'm alive. Well, that's disgusting. We're flying allegiant from now on so you can ever look at anyone good looking again. Yeah, allegiant would, you know. Oh, please. No. If you got them in between, I'll drive you put their employees in bikinis. I'm thinking maybe. Yeah, I'll drive to Ireland. I don't care. I'm out. JSX has a decent situation with a few of their. They had the. One of the most beautiful women I've ever seen was a stewardess on there one time. And, and so I mentioned, I said I was caliento are on the flight, like she's stunning. And then some guy, when I brought it up on the air is like, this is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. This works. Sends me the modeling shots of her that I'm like, okay, but they've been hijacked by homosexuals. That whole industry. Oh yeah, that's kind of hijacked by homosexuals and that's, you know, they do a great job. I'm just saying it's not so only gay guys flying get to look at the eye candy for flight attendants. But 80 years old in the flight attendant, that's to me, that's sad. That's a life unlived. And I know if she wanted to do it, why is it so bad? It just is. You just know if you, if, if Brady's still sitting in here cracking wise with the puns like he did earlier this morning, well into his 80s, A, it would make more sense why he's doing it. But B, you'd be sad that like, oh, he blew all his money. Nothing worse than seeing pitchers football players when you're like, why is that guy still with Joe Flacco? Why is he still playing? Mark Brunel played until he was like 44. Bernie Kozar. The reason they do it is because they're, they, they're broke. Somebody stole all their money. There she is. I'm 80 years old. She looked good back in the day though. Was she hot back in the 50s when she sold for Allegheny Airline. And Becca, she went through it all as a stewardess. Like the. We're gonna be flying over Ohio today. And let's just make sure that we're nice to our stewardess today. If you want to pat her on the ass, that's just fine by us. Welcome to Easter Airlines. We should be there in a few hours. It's like Mad Men back in the day. And there was nothing better than that. Nothing better than the old way. But now we got all uppity about everything they used to. Stewardesses used to be a target. Maybe she was a throwback even in the air. And like she threw back, you know what I mean? Like all these uppity new flight attendants, but she's like, you can call me stewardess. In fact, I like the cut of your jib because that's what old people say. And then she'd take into that little bathroom and give you an old lady stewardess, you know, hand job in the sky squeezer, nice little air squeezer little lady. Just give me a hand job. And she's an old timey stewardess, if that's what they do. Let me pull your trousers out. Let's drop those knickers. And what did you say? I said that's an old person word for pants.

[Brett Vesely]

I got a squeezer and some hard candy.

[John Holmberg]

A squeezer and then a moon pie. Do you want the moon pie? Cause I'm tired. I gotta tell you what with the Parkinson's, that might be the best squeezer I've ever had. I can't bring the drinks to you because I'm shaking so hard. That's it. To me that's sad. But the news is like, oh, what a wonderful story. This is not nothing. It should be the opposite. That she, you know, invested wisely in the 50s and 60s, bought Apple stock and retired early. That's a good story. Nobody wants this. That's indoctrination really of the brain. And the way we're going as far as like telling you working until you're 80 is really nice. That's a good. They keep you in the system working. The bills keep coming in and the system gets paid for. The last thing. This is going to go crazy. This is Alex Jonesy stuff. The last thing they want is a bunch of people who do well and get out early. If you keep churning into the system, they can keep it alive a little easier, Nothing better. The government wants is a bunch of 80 year olds in the workforce. They like that. I'll have to get a report on the flight attendants in Asia from Toledo. When he gets back, is it all gonna be lady boys? You're saying the twinks are taking over here in Thailand? Yeah, I don't know. That's a good question. I wonder if they have like old lady boys. But that's the thing about Thai people. No offense to the Thais listening right now. I can't tell if you're 12 or 90. Like I would.

[Brett Vesely]

Timeless.

[John Holmberg]

I'd be in jail so fast if they had. That's why they probably don't have laws. That's why it's a lawless kind of sex nation. Because they're like nobody knows how old anybody here that is either a 12 year old girl or an 88 year old man and or 12 year old boy. 88 year old woman. I don't know what that she's been.

[Brett Vesely]

A flight attendant for over 60 years.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no.

[Brett Vesely]

I just started two years ago.

[John Holmberg]

Oh no, wait, that one's the 11 year old. The one directly next to it that looks just like her. 88. Just been working in the air for the whole time. Used to fly a bamboo plane. Yeah, that's why they can't have laws, you know, statutory of this that you don't know. So this I'm guessing the stewardesses are just like all 5, 1, 52 and somewhere in an age. I would hate to work at a circus in Thailand. Guess your age, guess your weight. I don't know. You're. Everybody here's about £88 and you're either 13 or 41. I'm sorry, somewhere in between 13 and 41. Oh, I'm 44, damn it.

[Brett Vesely]

And you get kicked or punched.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, it wouldn't hurt, but it's like, oh, he's doing en bach on me for a second. It's adorable. Hong Kong foodie here. All right, move on. Next. All right, you are. You're either nine. I think I'm gonna go with nine. I'm 84. Okay. This is the worst job of my life. Take a, take a plushie. Take it.

[Brett Vesely]

88.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody's £88. You're never giving a stuffed animal away ever. At the Food City. Tie. Step up right here. Guess your weight. Okay, giant, guess my weight. I'm only 6ft tall, but to you. Yes, I'm a giant. I'm gonna say £87. Oh, he good. I haven't had breakfast yet.

[Brett Vesely]

You try Buddha.

[John Holmberg]

All right, Buddha, you get my weight. I get your weight. I get 12 ton. No, I'm not 12. Brady's not 12 tons. I 88 pounds. All of you are. I watch boxing. Every time there's a Thai fighter I know I'm watching the lowest weight class there is grown men fighting at 104 pounds. What? From Bing Bong Bang Bong weighing in at 104 pounds. Like I knew that when you said Bing Bong Bang Bang. And he would, he would weigh 104 and just action packed fights where their fists are feather dusters. Not a single injury ever in the Bing Bong Bang Bong fights. Also hailing from Bing Bong Bang bong weighing in 104 pounds. It's got to be his brother age 81 years old. Oh, it's fair. It's fair. Fight so, so long to that stewardess. Nobody likes a person who passes away. But what I really don't like is you work yourself into a grave. That's sad to me. Enjoy your golden years. You should strive to get out. Ben Roberson says, I flew Lufthansa to Germany a few years ago and there were 12 lady attendants on it. He goes, apparently they have a rule. You have to be a nine and a half or better because it looked amazing. Yeah, because it's not an American airline. American Airlines wives got involved somehow and started to tell their husbands they wouldn't fly anymore. They're driving everywhere. If the stewardesses remained hot. And you notice that transition happened in the late 90s. Women started flying a lot more for work and doing a lot more. And they're like looking around going, wait a second. Flight attendants are really hot. I gotta put a stop to that. No man should be able to look at hot women. My husband can't see this. Then I have to start trying. Thanks, Tubbo. Yeah, exactly. That lard butt that wrecked it for the rest of us. Arizona's most powerful powerful rock radio station. This fourth of July celebrate family fun and the freedom to save with your Valley Chevy dealers. It all starts with spectacular offers available now at the Valley Chevy July 4th event. You'll have the freedom to choose from an extensive lineup ready for all adventures ahead. Including popular models like the legendary Silverado. With four powerful engine choices. The road trip ready Equinox blending first class comfort with intuitive tech. And the feature packed Chevy tract with undeniable value. No matter how you celebrate the 4th of July, it's always better in a Chevy.

[Brett Vesely]

But don't miss out.

[John Holmberg]

Visit a Valley Chevy dealer near you today. The best of Homburg's morning sickness. This is the big red radio. And then this email came in Fellas, I have to give you this. My wife got breast reduction surgery. What the. I didn't know about it. She kept telling me she was going into treatments for liposuction and some tummy thing, which I was all for. I mean, she's a beast. Nope. She removed her implants. Then I asked her, what'd you do that for? And she said, I knew you'd be mad. She said, she's done being a young, sex driven person. Those days are over. She says her boobs were like lingerie, and at her age, it's time to stop playing in lingerie. She's only 44. I'm 46. What the hell? Why in the world does she think this helps our relationship? Especially because she lied about it. She's making me the bad guy, saying if I loved her, it wouldn't matter, but if she loved me, she would know that it does, because I loved her boobs more than her, Kyle. Can you imagine?

[Brett Vesely]

That's a rough one.

[John Holmberg]

You came home and there she is, you know, post op. Is everything okay? Yeah. Where'd your boobs go? We're gonna notice, I think, this guy.

[Brett Vesely]

And the fact that she's saying, it's shut down now, man, we're done.

[John Holmberg]

She's 40.

[Brett Vesely]

This runs over. It's been a good run.

[John Holmberg]

Closing up shop on the guy right there with one move and doing it, you know, in a backwards sort of way, knowing that he wouldn't want it. She's trying to get rid of you. Well, Kyle, if you wind. If she wants, she comes home with an outback next week, you'll know that you're in trouble. You think that's the sign? Oh, yeah. She's going full leather. Oh, yeah, why not? She don't care what a man thinks anymore about how she looks, so. Oh, by the way, I just got an email that says, from Travis. It says, I am a veteran. A veterinarian. I'm sorry. I was gonna say it. And it says, so Brady's right. I am also Spartacus and Batman. Okay, well, thank you. That's proof. Brady's. Brady's a hundred. So you go get your boobs removed. Now, here's the scary part. Here's where I think he's living, because I like to read between the lines of emails. He said that she was gonna go get liposuction and a tummy tuck, right? And he seemed to be like, cool, go nuts. Go do that. Strikes me as the type of person might have a few bucks in his pocket. Wife just says, this Isn't like a big family decision where we're trying to get finances in order to. I thought she was getting some lipo and maybe a tummy tuck. That's an aside. Poor people don't do that. So she comes back without cans, knowing, you want me to take half? Leave me. I don't want my cans anymore. So now he's in the. In the bind of a wife that's. That's daring him to walk away so she can get half of whatever it is he has now. Maybe she's got all the money and he's stuck in that world too. And he's kind of got a Steadman. If that's the case, you need to shut your mouth. She's allowed to do whatever she wants. If she's trying to half you without.

[Brett Vesely]

Something good to include your spouse, you'd think so.

[John Holmberg]

You'd think so. But this sounds to me like she's. He's going to Mercury games next season. Yeah. I'm telling you. Maybe. So. Getting deeper into the Brett philosophy. Yeah. Small breasts or no breasts at all. Lesbian. Well, when she knew how much he liked it. Right? Exactly. She's shutting down. She's basically cutting him off. He know she knew how much he liked them. I'm not saying small boobs is a lesbian. I'm saying she got rid of them. Right. Because they're her lingerie. That's true.

[Brett Vesely]

But why do you think she's going after ladies now?

[John Holmberg]

She's putting flannels on. That's as reasonable as his veterinarian. That's much more logic. No, no.

[Brett Vesely]

It's like I'm the only veterinarian that listens because you guys are so dumb. No other vet would list.

[John Holmberg]

No, he's just saying that the edge is probably the only vet listening. Who knows? I don't know if he's right or wrong. I don't hear from vets all the time. I don't think he's right. But your logic was garbage. Maybe. But mine's legit. Though. I don't know that you have much better argument at all. Who am I talking to here? So she gets her cans cut off just to spite her husband, and now she's gonna take on lesbians. Care what he has to think.

[Brett Vesely]

You know?

[John Holmberg]

She don't care what he's cutting off all men. She's gonna cut her hair too. Next. Out back.

[Brett Vesely]

Razor cut?

[John Holmberg]

Yep, razor cut. No deodorant in her side of the. In her side of the sink area.

[Brett Vesely]

But that's a. That's still, that's still trying to attract somebody though, by going that route.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, she still wants to have some sort of sex. Sex life. According. So does father Brittany Griner over there. That doesn't. Yeah. You see the gaping chasm in your logic? There's a gape there. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Yeah. I knew that would happen. I knew when I said it. I knew when I said it. I'm like, that's a word that's gonna come back and haunt this conversation. See, that's an interesting way to think, Brett. And I like it. You know why? Cause it's, it's a sign that if it ever happened to Brett, she's a dyke. Who cares? Like you would. It's your way of dealing with it and just dismissing her completely. Yeah, you wanna screw me. You probably wanna chicks anyway. Get out of here, Mercury fan. Take the outback on your way out the door.

[Brett Vesely]

All you're thinking there are some relationships, lesbian relationships, that all they do is talk.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, I, I, I see what he's doing.

[Brett Vesely]

Physical attraction.

[John Holmberg]

No, he's saying that she's going to go do lesbian stuff, which he sees as if you don't want this D, you certainly don't want any other dudes. Right. You must be moving on to ladies. Enjoy the second tier. Bye. He's basically, enjoy the wnba. She's taking a step backwards in Brett's brain. That's very Italian. So I'm speaking Brett here. At first I was like, what an idiot. Then I realized he's talking from that, ah, she's a lesbian. Anyway, who needs her? That's his way of coping with this whole thing. Yeah, see? Yeah. Chris Ferguson, all those old movies where the Italian guy got up, said, ah, she's a lesbian or she's a drug. They would put it on her. Right. Didn't leave me because of me. She went nuts or something. Exactly. There you go. Started liking other stuff. Yeah, okay. See, Christopher agrees with me. Brett's right. She's gonna start wearing those dikey looking sport brides with those sleeveless tank top shirts. Thank you, Christopher. It is horrible logic wisdom. No, it isn't. It's male. What are you talking about? Delusion. Brady isn't as delusional with general things that are happening in life as what you guys are. When a woman leaves. A woman leaves because she's unhappy. Not me. She must like broads now. Yeah, but she cut her cans off. Right. In spite of him. Right. She's crazy. There you go. She did cut her cans off.

[Brett Vesely]

Took Them out.

[John Holmberg]

Same thing. I'm with him on that. You shrink them down, you might as well just laugh. Exactly. It's like a prime rib. Just slice it down. There's no reason for that. And then come home canless.

[Brett Vesely]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

And then start telling you deal with it. Unbelievable. That's exactly what a future lesbian would do. That's right.

[Brett Vesely]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

That's how we as men have to cope with that. Ah, she must like chicks now. There's something. When she went screw, fell out, she went nuts. Because it can't possibly be because, you know, she doesn't like you anymore. She went nuts.

[Brett Vesely]

The only reason she did it was for you.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. She went nuts.

[Brett Vesely]

Enjoy being halved.

[John Holmberg]

I like what he did, but yeah, you're probably gonna get halved.

[Brett Vesely]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

She's. She's. She's testing you. This is a. Let's see how far I can push him before he finally leaves. I'm getting emails. Preach on, brother. See, no, there's something. Dave, you know, it took me a second. There's something to your logic from a man's point of view. And I hate. I'm not even using the word logic. Something to your thoughts that make it easier for us to just clip it, stuff the truth somewhere else and just deal with our own phony truth. It's not the real story. Because if she leaves and has a If, ah, she ended up dating some guy. He's a twink. It's a beard. Like you'll make up a lie to make it so she's nuts. And whatever she does next is a crazy person's move. Just call Cordell and Cordell right now. I mean, you're done. Don't get ahead of this thing. Get ahead of this thing. What if he's got millions and he doesn't want to hand it over? That's a tough one because now she's like she's damaging the merchandise. She's basically vandalizing property and then wants to. Wants half of the payout. There's got to be some sort of a kickback on. Get himself a gumaless. One's gonna end up doing. It's gonna. Absolutely. She's forcing him to do that. Then he'll make the mistake and she'll get like 70%. Or you could throuple. You could throw with one of her lesbian friends with those no cans. Nah. I don't want you and your canless friends coming around watching the Indiana Fever every Tuesday. That's some weird logic. But I'm starting to See what you're saying? Guy says. I say, since the lady lied and she was going to go get liposuction, he should tell her that she still has to. But it has to match the boobs now, so she's got to suck it down to like one inch. Waist. Yeah. Says, have the liposuction done. The belly sticks out even an inch past those nipples. Abandon ship. I agree with him. Yeah. Cut her back into shape. Yeah. The way to be sure if she's a lesbian or not is if she sends any emails to movies. That's true. If she starts listening to kdkb. Brett's right. This guy writes all this. Says to Brett was. He was raised correctly. Brett was raised for the idea if a chick doesn't like you, she's into chicks. That's what guys do at bars. I was hitting on that girl over there. Don't waste your time. Lesbian. Why? She wasn't interested. If she's not interested in you, it's clearly she doesn't like any men. I like that. Very Italian.

[Brett Vesely]

But if you notice five or six wind chimes in your back patio, suddenly.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. You know, she's not really a lesbian. It's just his way of coping. But if you came home and all the boobs were gone. Yeah, that's like buying all these out. Yeah. It's like buying furniture. Like, you come home and everything is an inflatable. Like, your couch is inflated. Like, what'd you do? I got all inflatable. Oh, I didn't like the old couches. And I went, you got to talk to me about this. Sit me down and say, hey, I got to get rid of these boobs. Like, they're. They weigh the same as, like a, you know, microwave. So I want them off my. That's different. If she's in back pain and whatever. But she'd have told you that she did this just to get you. How big was she if she. If she was supposed to get lipo and then got rid of the can, so now the guts hanging out farther, probably. It sounds like she, like, maybe. But lipo is very rarely for big, fat people. Lipo is usually for people who are just trying to button it up. Tummy tuck. That's not for a fat person. That's for somebody who's on the buttons. So. Yeah. But she went in her flannel after pregnancy. Yeah, a lot of that stuff. Just to kind of clear up the. Yeah. Tighten it up. Very big. People that get liposuction, it's not going to do much to them. Usually that's the ladies who need to, like, 10, 12 pounds are struggling with that. They can get that out. They.

[Brett Vesely]

You have to lose weight in order to get the life.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. To even get any of it. Yeah. There's no point in getting seven pounds sucked out of your body when you've got 80 pounds too much. So maybe. All right, we need this dude. Was his name Brian or was that the vet, Kyle? I don't remember who emailed us. You got to send us a picture of this. Befores and after. Yeah. Let's see the cans. Brett's gonna. The after is gonna look like Brittney Griner. Dude, no matter what, your brain's gonna turn it into Britney. 100%. I told you. I'm like, oh, she's beautiful. No. And again, it's not the size of the breast that matters. It's how it looks. Right. It's the shape and attitude. Yeah. Proportion. It's like, sometimes small boobs are beautiful and sometimes huge boobs are gross. Yes.

[Brett Vesely]

You could add the clown. Clown bulbs.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. What's that big balloon? I thought he said bulbs.

[Brett Vesely]

Bulbs. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That's an interesting new one. I like that, too. You two are on a roll today. Yeah. She could add massive boobs that weren't that great, but you'd have think she'd have told you at the end, like, I gotta get rid of these. They're so uncomfortable. She just says, hey, I'm not. These aren't. These aren't. I'm not trying to be sexy anymore. It's essentially, she just announced, I don't want to be sexual anymore. I'm not sexy anymore. I don't want to be. Not that I'm trying to feel better about myself. I just don't want to be sexy anymore. That those days are behind me. I had a guy I know who talked to me. This is a while ago.

[Brett Vesely]

That's tough news right there.

[John Holmberg]

That's brutal. I had a guy tell me. He goes, my wife kind of, like, thinks she's born again, but she wasn't, like, religious. And she kept saying that she felt like what they were doing was wrong because sex is about procreation, and they already had a kid, and there was no more need for this. Like, there's no more need for us to be playing this game and that. She's like, if I'm gonna do anything like that, I want it to be a deep, meaningful, sexless relationship so I can get fulfilled that way. And he's like, I'm not into that. And then she took him forever and probably got some new guy. But you're not gonna find a new guy pulling that garbage. No.

[Brett Vesely]

Because he'll even go back if. You know, if it's a apparently biblical thing. It says in to enjoy your wife.

[John Holmberg]

Joey found a picture of her. I know them. Here's a picture of the chick got her cans cut off. Looks like Ellen DeGeneres in a trucker hat. Yeah, well, if she's done with all that quotes, she obviously wants some fanuk that doesn't want to bang her or touch her. Is that what that is? A fanouk look? Yeah. I don't know what that is. What is that? Just like some sort of. It's like a schlub. Mm.

[Brett Vesely]

Another rube.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you're 100% correct, Brett. She doesn't accept my advances towards her at the bar or the club. That's a lesbian. There you go. See? Go ahead. Enjoy scissoring. Good luck with that. Brit's goal is to turn everybody into a member of the Soprano. Good luck with that. Broad. Burt says. Oh, let me see the canned facts. Yeah, you don't pull your cans out and come home and surprise your husband with.

[Brett Vesely]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

You know what? That's. That's the similar thing. As if a guy made a lot of money and he just came home and he was. You know, he waited for you to leave, and he pretended to go to work for two weeks, and then you found out he doesn't have a job anymore. It's like, I just don't feel like working anymore. I was a younger man. I used to think that was important. Now I don't care. You made a lot of money. Yeah, I'm not going to do that anymore. I want a fulfilling life without that. She's leaving. If you really loved him, you wouldn't care about how much he makes. But if he started making zero, and he was making a ton before. Yeah. And yes, I know. Later. That's what. That's a woman's currency. Don't act like it's not.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, yeah, that's something you communicate.

[John Holmberg]

Again, you're telling me I'm not gonna.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm gonna stop working?

[John Holmberg]

Victoria's Secret was invented to just make you more comfortable or to accentuate your abilities to game. You do better when those things look good.

[Brett Vesely]

Most of the time, it's true. The. You know, the guy gets laid off or fired and he doesn't tell.

[John Holmberg]

He doesn't say anything. And then she leaves. Yeah, she's sticking around some guy but if. But fine. If he gets laid off and fired. That's different. They're shame if he just quits because he doesn't feel like it anymore, which is what she did on him or.

[Brett Vesely]

Faking going to work.

[John Holmberg]

Right. And he fakes. I don't feel like it. She's going to be upset about it. I'll fake it for one. Eventually come home. It's like, where are the paychecks? I haven't worked for a month. I'm done with that. I'm 46 now. Tired of it. I'm just gonna go work at, you know, Walmart. We'll move out of this house. You're taking everything away. Well, remember your cans. Yeah, I do. Cheers. Yeah. If we're. If we're downsizing. I'm not busting my ass every day at work to buy you things. If you're taking away everything from me. That only works if she's not pulling in all the cash. If she's pulling all the cash, you have to make a choice whether you want boobs or the lifestyle. So your jerk bang your jerk game. Better get strong. Better sign up for chatterbait. There's old broads evidently within five miles of my house that are dying to get laid. Those five second commercials before Pornholm. They tell you looking for someone to masturbate with? Not really. That kind of defeats the purpose. There are old women in your neighborhood that would love to. Right now there are. I look out my window. No, there's not. I don't see anybody out there. You gonna see Troy or Michael that's not an old woman? Well, I guess kind of. Yeah. Evidently they're within. There's like hundreds of them within five miles of me just laying there waiting for me to call them up and taking advantage of the fact that I'm, you know, about ready to pull one off this guy. How would Brett feel if Medea came home with an astroduction surgery? Yeah, she had her ass pulled out. Lesbian, get out. Yeah. Peace. Immediately. Doesn't like you. Must not like anyone at all. Yep, really a safe way to think and live your life. Brady. Short haircut. Get your odd rose colored glasses back from him. He's damaged.

[Brett Vesely]

He knows how to move on, I guess.

[John Holmberg]

I got two pictures in a row of Jon Bon Jovi. Oh, yeah, I just got the same one. Must be what she looks like now. Jon Bon Jovi. To all our old rock star heroes. Starting to look a little bit like grandmas and old lesbians. But anyway. Well, good luck to you. I hope I hope you work it out with your wife. Maybe talk her into putting in a set for you. But it sounds like she's trying to walk away. I'm not so sure that's a healthy relationship. But from her perspective, her body and her right, that's what side chicks are for. My body, and I'll do anything I want to it. This is my body, and I'll do anything she wants me to do for it. I'm gonna put it on somebody. This guy brings up a good point. Remember in Scarface when they're at the pool and the guy's hitting on that chick and she rejects him and goes, eh, she must be a lesbian. Exactly. Philosophy. Learned it from Scarface. So much learned from Scarface. So basically, she's saying, no more physical activities with you or for you. I'm dictating that, and you stand to lose. See, I would have respect for a woman who said, like, I just don't want to have this relationship anymore physically. So just give me a few bucks to get out on my own again. Let's not do the haves. Let's not go crazy. But that's a discussion that you have. Not just coming home doing that. But even if she. She comes home and does it, she has to have the guts to kind of say, look, I'm not interested in this anymore. This. I know this isn't going to be fulfilling for you. You don't. You may not want this lifestyle if you do, let's work it out. But I'm kind of going the sexless route now. So I kind of sprung this on you. There's got to be a divorce discount on that. You can't just do anything you want. Anyway. Talk to Cordell and Cordell immediately. So, Mr. Cordell, it turns out my wife went for full lesbian crazy in there. I did not. Clearly. Look, she cut her cans off. She didn't want to have sex with this guy. What else is there? Animals. I don't even want to go down that road. I don't want to have sex with animals or women. See, he's going crazy. I think she's drinking too much Rudy coffee. Anyway, I have no idea what to tell you people. I love that you keep telling me this stuff. You just don't feel any. And a woman can do that thing about working. A guy points that out, he goes. A woman can just go, I don't feel like working anymore, and stop working. And it's not frowned upon. The way it is with. If a man does it, that's Just true. People like saying that. But if a woman just says, I'm done working, and she decides to stay home, she can do that. And, you know, maybe there is some stigma to it, but if a dude does it, he's a loser. I'm just not going to work anymore. She can support me. That's not maybe, like, temporarily. You better. You better not be thinking this is permanent. That's my advice to you, Ryan, Kyle, whoever emailed in, Gordon Cordell, quit your job, sell the house, move into a tiny little shack and say, well, if we're. We're gonna be pulling back on everything, let's at least have a bunch of money. Hopefully the Mercury season tickets are paid off.

[Brett Vesely]

You don't need tickets.

[John Holmberg]

Like, what, bro?

[Brett Vesely]

Get a couple.

[John Holmberg]

Get $10 worth of stuff. They'll give you a ticket. I'm not sure they're doing that right now because they're riding high, thinking that they've got something. But eventually those fries tickets will come back. And Brett, you're right. Somebody emailed and said the, you know, go home and say exactly What Brett would say is, like, good, now we're both gonna bang side chicks. My wife the lesbian. Anyway, stop saying that. Well, I mean, it's hard to argue. You don't like D anymore. Correct. That's not what I said. Well, there's only one other option, sister. Or is there? Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station. It's good to be on top, isn't it? Yeah. So get on top and ride with the top morning show in town and the Best of Homburg's morning sickness 98 Kupda and then another lady goes on. I watched this thing last night I loved. She got abducted by aliens and they took her eggs. What? She went literally up in a spaceship, and they swiped her eggs and then put her back. And she knew it. She said the aliens came and got her, took her to another dimension, and then she was in her spaceship, and then she woke up and she knew her eggs were gone.

[Brett Vesely]

Have they confirmed she's eggless?

[John Holmberg]

No, no. They grew back. They do that. But they swiped. They harvested a few and then popped her back to normal. She broke that. So the car broke down in the middle of the road. That's the key. That's what aliens are looking for. A little car trouble. Aliens look for car trouble. So she just picked up her groceries at the Piggly Wiggly down there in Alabama and got abducted or what? Yeah, ironically, they're not saying where she's from. Very peculiar. Anyway, on My way back to the trailer park, she was in the middle of the road. She alleges her vehicle came to a, like a halt right where the beings were. Like, oh, no, my car doesn't work. And now these aliens are here. The next thing she knew, two hours had passed and she was at her friend's house. She was determined to uncover what just happened. She sought the help of a hypnotist who two decades later and the memories had unearthed that what had happened was they swiped her egg, she said. When the car rolled to a stop, I looked through the windshield and my eyes kept trying to change what I was seeing because it wasn't a human and I just couldn't recognize it. It had green eyes and a mouth that didn't open. His hat was. It was a tight fitting cap. I put my head down, I was shaking. I thought, well, I'm gonna die. He called my name, said, sherry, we've been waiting for you. And he told me to get out of the car. Two guys behind with wands came over and grabbed hold of me. A great claw grabbed my arm, pulled me out of the car. And as soon as they touched me, I stopped shaking and I was calm. The main guy looked familiar. I said, there's work to be done. We are from another dimension. Chillingly, she says she was led towards a field where she said they put her in an otherworldly vehicle and said the silver scouts ship, around 20ft in diameter. And it was just. They were just there for her. The head honcho Sherry refers to as DA entered the ship and beckoned her to follow. When she initially resisted, she said her first steps inside the craft got cold. Then she passed out. Woke up at a buddy's house and was eggless. I don't know how you know when you're eggless plump. But don't tell that lady she's pretty because she could lose her job. She's crazy. Hey, that chick over there that's been abducted by aliens, she looks nice today. Don't say anything. Talk to her about the alien abduction. That's more normal than telling her she's pretty now. Hey, Sherry, how you doing since the alien abduction? Better. You know, I'm still having some tough days. Just wanted to let you know I thought you looked pretty. Rape. What? Me? Aliens took your ovaries? Da. Da. I need DA to come save me from the ugly guy who thinks I look nice in my low cut blouse. Rape. Ladies, you need to calm down. Got an email from Guy says John. We have a guy in our office who just turned 82 years old. We had a party here for him and everything. He's doing the same job for 50 plus years and all the women think, oh, it's great. Isn't that wonderful? But you are right. This guy, because I talked to him, has gambled and sexed his way out of all his money and three marriages. Nothing about him working at 82 is fun or cute. He has to do it and it's pathetic. I don't look at. I look at people working into their 80s and I'm like, oh, you blew it, Dinero. I don't know about actors. It's different for them because ego plays such a massive part. I don't know how you let go of like, he got it. The world's most famous. Oh, De Niro.

[Brett Vesely]

Times are saying the reason I'm doing it.

[John Holmberg]

But De Niro does terrible movies because he's still got a. Yeah. You know, wants to keep up the lifestyle so he'll do horrible movies like Bad Grandpa. You imagine. But we've seen it in Radar. Remember there was a guy named Freddie Snakeskin. Seemed like a nice guy. It's like I was flying high. I was at K Rock and I did this and then a peek at that. I'm like, did you guys make a lot of money? He goes, oh, yeah. And I looked over at his car, which was a, like a 1980 Ford, Ford Ltd, turquoise. And I'm like, why do you drive that car? Think like, is that a cover? And he goes, no, it's not broken. He's doing weekends here in Phoenix. And I'm like, no kidding? And I said, well, what did you do with your money? And he just pointed to his nose. I'm like, oh, you coked your way out of everything. He goes, yep. I said, so you have to do this. Yeah, I'm trying to get back in the business. Pathetic. And then you see, like old men that you like. I think the one guy I love, and I hope it's not true and I don't know him, was Steve Goddard. Because Goddard worked in this city for years. Oh, ZCP went to country for a while. Oh, he was. He was the best. And they. He works at Oldies 92.7 down the hall. I don't know how old Steve is. I hope he's doing it because he loves it and he doesn't have to come in the building. I think he does. That's. I think with him. Yeah. Yeah. I think he just records stuff for an hour a day and has fun doing that he's not working, he's not in the work environment, he's not humping. But if he, you know, if I came back here in 30 years just to reminisce and McFeely still doing middays. That's, it's, that's a bad thing. I love it, man. We have to stop acting like it's good because then they'll say, isn't it great that you worked here? In fact, let's move that retirement age to like 78, since it's so awesome to work that long. I mean, none of us want to work five day work weeks. What are we applauding work until you're 84. One thing we're fighting constantly is actually going to the office. Now they have a new problem called the, the, what are the quiet vacation or the secret. The secretion or something like that where you're secretly on vacation but you pretend to work and you say you're working from home. And bosses hate it. But people are on. They're in like, like Toledo. He's like going to Thailand. But if he was zooming, he could go. And you can go anywhere you want as long as you got your laptop.

[Brett Vesely]

With the way things are set up.

[John Holmberg]

And bosses hate it for some reason because they're like, damn it. No, you're supposed to work. You're working. I am working here. I want you coming in. You're on some goddamn beach all the time. When you think about it, it's like, well, why not? If you've allowed them to have just laptops as an office, that's anywhere they want to be. You're producing, right? Yeah. You're getting it done. You're finishing your job. You just happen to be in a glorious resort in Australia. You're getting the times right. That's all that matters. But yeah, if we keep acting like working in our 80s as an adorable news story that everybody should just go, this is wonderful, isn't it? They're gonna move that retirement age. That's, that's quietly trying to make everybody feel great about it. Ladies, don't fall for it. Cute old people working is sad. I hate that you walk into a like Walmart or something. You see that old man? It's sad to me, all that dude is, is miserable at home. He's tired of that lady that's been living with him for ages. He hasn't had a good knob and in probably four presidential cycles. And he just sits there and says hi to people because that's his contribution to society. It's pathetically sad. Like the sample people at Costco. Same thing. Yeah. Yes. All you want is them to just be free with your lunch.

[Brett Vesely]

Keep it up, people. Keep it up.

[John Holmberg]

A lot of sausage on it. Yeah. Brady doesn't mind. We're not killing the samples. Brady, calm down. The samples stay. We just don't want some 90 year old to be forced to interact with society that way. I don't want to be at home with my husband anymore. I want to kill him.

[Brett Vesely]

Have a chick McNugget.

[John Holmberg]

Have a little nugget. They're good for you.

[Brett Vesely]

Real fish.

[John Holmberg]

And if you want to go in the back, you can take those trousers off. Oh, the old fashioned lady. Sample something else. I got a wad of salmon in my drawers that needs a good tasting. Oh, you remind me of my husband because he won't do it either.

[Brett Vesely]

You know, maybe for some of them it's like, I'd rather be out there than sitting in the staring at that wife of mine. Well, you know, if they move to a.

[John Holmberg]

Look, if you're homebound, you shouldn't be working if you're in a facility where you have a button on your door in case you can't breathe anymore.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't mean they're not because there is that in between period where you're just kind of living in an apartment, a senior and you don't need the full care yet you feel like those people. Like my mom would be in that to a degree. She's like, oh, I'm living here, but I'm not one of those.

[John Holmberg]

She going to work. Get her out there and do stuff. She likes to golf and play tennis and drink all day. That's the goal. We should all shoot for, not keep a job till you're 80. If your mom took on a job right now, you'd be like, what are you doing? Yeah, I want to feel valuable. Well, let's. That means your kids aren't doing the job. The people around you aren't making you feel valuable. The best of the morning's sickness is on the air. Do any of you people do any actual work? The best of home birth, Morning sickness. This segment is brought to you guys by Action Ride Shop. Now, if you're thinking about heading up north to hit the slopes for some skiing, some boarding, or if you're just gonna stay down here in the valley and do some mountain biking, Action Ride Shop is your place to be. They got all the gear and all the knowledge you're gonna need, so check them out [e-mail] or better yet, just go visit them over there on Gilbert Road and Southern, it's Action Ride Shop. Before we do that, I got an email from Kyle, who said during the debates this morning, the best idea I've ever heard. Everyone on death row playing Deal or no Deal for television's sake. Every suitcase has a countdown to when the execution occurs. Every few suitcases actually have a gun. A lethal dose injection. Some suitcases push it out for years, some a week or two. Oh, but is there an offer from the banker? Right. One is one day and then it goes down to like 10 hours, 5 hours, 1 hour. Now if they pull a gun or an injection, it's over. They die right there. One suitcase is the big winner, though. It's a get out of jail suitcase. They get offers from the banker, although we'll call him the Executioner along with the way and how far the execution takes place. This is maybe the world's greatest television show idea ever. Ever, ever. Okay, so your offer on the table is you get shot now. Well, I don't think they did. If the banker's offering a shot, you just say, no thanks, banker. That seems unreasonable. For my future, I'll say no to that. But how about that idea for a game? Deal or no Deal? You're just watching your stupid neighbors stand up there with their families picking suitcases and maybe walking away with a million bucks. I was rooted against it. I wanted somebody to leave with a penny. Everybody rooted against it, right? Nobody wants to see somebody do that on tv. But if it's a dude on death row and he's out of appeals and he agrees to go on Deal or no Deal with the idea that maybe at the end of this, you get executed tonight or there's a get out of free thing. Could that be one of the suitcases? You get one more appeal. An appeal case? No, that would be a banker's thing. The appeals are done. It's out of the court's hands. We can't. Don't bring the courts back in because that just. That makes the show boring. It's now or it's nothing. I'll take the appeal, Johnny. Yeah, I like that. Finally, a reason to watch Deal or no Deal. You use prisoner. We've been seeing it in movies for years. I mean, running. Running man and idiocracy.

[Brett Vesely]

Death race.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Death Race. It was like, you take these prisoners who are on death row, got nothing to win or lose, and you give them a chance and if. And you know, and they're Monitored from there on out, depending on their crime. Now, we can't have the Puppy Stomper or anybody like that. Although, you know, it has to be a guy who's been in there for a long, long, long time. You know?

[Brett Vesely]

Saw a lady last night displaying that ankle bracelet.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Loud and proud.

[John Holmberg]

Right there at the Doobie Brothers. She wore a short skirt and an ankle bracelet. Really? Yeah. My guess is she blows a lot of things to start cars. Exactly, I was just gonna say. And she had an ankle bracelet on, and those are not easy to hide. Evidently, that thing looked like a record player. Jimmy, will you come in here and blow mama's car? Yeah. She's got a phonograph on her ankle. It's blow my car. Have you ever blown start somebody's car for him? No. No. Once you did. Yeah. I felt bad. Shut up. Yeah, I didn't feel good about it. Had they been drinking? Oh, yeah. Not a ton. Come on. Yeah. And that was. That was when that whole. That whole apparatus was brand new. That was in the 90s. That was a brand new. Right when it came out. I guess there were. I don't know if she didn't have it. Flow starter car. She was an intern at the Zone. Like, what. Wait a minute. Huh? Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Our intern needed a blowstart car.

[John Holmberg]

Get a little. You get a little friendly with her. Is that the one? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Not this one. This was a. This one was bananas. In fact, I would assume today. Dead. Okay, I'm gonna assume two things. Probably dead. Also, when she needs to blow start her vehicle, it also is her home. Oh, okay. That would be my guess. She was crazy, but she's in the parking lot. I'm in my Jeep. You help me out. What's the matter? We went out for lunch and I can't go home. Like, what's going on? And she explained the apparatus to me, and it was complicated. It was everywhere. It looked like an octopus in her car. It was huge. What do I have to do? He's blowing this. And my car will start. That's kind of neat, actually. And then it did some sort of register, and I don't know if it made it deep screen. She started. Thank you so much. Do you want me to suck your. No, no, you can leave. Are you sure? What did I just do? Did I just put a drunk on the road? Huh? Bye. Oh, no. I really didn't know what I was doing. No. The young Beth McDonald. She had a huge dicker. Her balls look like a bowling ball. They're gigantic. 12 pounds each. Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station, ADKD. The best of homework's morning sickness. I'm 98K UPD. It's time now for the Brady Report. The Brady Report is brought to you by our friends at all Pro Shade concepts. The shade is necessary now. You can get that done. You can get the manual ones. You get the motorized options. And that's good for monsoons which are popping up here because when the wind blows, they self correct. When the wind starts blowing, they suck themselves back in so you don't have a big mess out there. With Onyx, you ever try to pull an umbrella out of a pool? Worst, worst day of your life. It's horrible. And plus it can fly through the air and kill someone. These shades don't do that. The wind starts going like, oh, let's retract. It's an amazing technology on top of the fact that the shade that it provides blocks 95% of the UV rays, which are the ones you want out, cuts out the dust, drops the temps about 20 degrees. It's a beautiful thing. All you got to do is go to allprochade.com and get shady at your house immediately. Brady reported.

[Brett Vesely]

Good Wednesday morning to you, Phoenix.

[John Holmberg]

Hello, world. Hi. That's a word I need to start throwing back into my vocabulary. Scrumptious. You think that sounds gay? If you're sitting down across from a lady and this meal is scrumptious because.

[Brett Vesely]

We heard it on the Scrumptilicious bars.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's Willie Wonka. So it's cute. I heard a comedian talking about Willy Wonka and how different it would be if it was savory foods rather than candy. Like the boats were made of ham and the rivers were gravy, and then there was mashed potato land and everything's all steamy. It would be the grossest place on the planet.

[Brett Vesely]

Come with me.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, and eat meat in a world of meat imagination.

[Brett Vesely]

Happy national work from home day. No, and it's also national HIV testing day.

[John Holmberg]

I saw that. And they're doing a free test that still. What do you mean, still?

[Brett Vesely]

Thought they conquered it. You said it was gone.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but you still want to know if you've got it. It's not like they conquered diabetes with insulin. But you still want to know. I want to know if I need biktarvy before I start hosing a twink.

[Brett Vesely]

Don't randomly pop that stuff.

[John Holmberg]

You got a test just in case. I got the hiv, but I'm not doing anything about it. I still don't want it. And I'm pretty sure HIV unchecked still goes the wrong way. Just because we conquered it. Jesus Christ. Yeah. What, you don't know?

[Brett Vesely]

Couple of basic fun facts, but they.

[John Holmberg]

Have a clinic down. I don't know which place it was, but I saw it on the news. I'm guessing Avenues, where, you know, they have a CVS or a Walgreens or something that's doing testing in the parking lot for him. If you want a freebie, it's just.

[Brett Vesely]

Questions out in the open.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I don't know if it's just standing in the parking. I think they're a tent with a fan. But still, you got to be seen.

[Brett Vesely]

Walking into the tent.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I mean, there's some stigma. I mean, planned parents come out with, like, a ton of, like, Tostitos and some makeup, diapers. A fan if you're holding a bag. Yeah, a navaj and go, what's in the tent over there? Oh, don't act like you don't know. You didn't need a navage. Get in the tent and test. Are you an intravenous drug user? I see why you're here. You're having normal, safe sex with females. Define normal. Yes. All right, bend over. I'm sure you've heard that before, Sean. Phil's just texting and said, I just tuned the show in. In the middle of you singing Willy Wonka about meat. I don't get it, but it just made my morning better. Come with me and you'll be in a world of meaty imagination. Take a look at these taters. Ah, potatoes and gravy and meat. The boat's all slimy. Wonka.

[Brett Vesely]

The Glastonbury Fest music festival is this week. It's like England's Coachella. And it's a little greener this year because they're collecting everyone's urine. They partnered with a company to turn it into eco friendly fertilizer.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I thought you meant that everybody had to, like, give up a sample.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. Step in before you come in.

[John Holmberg]

I'm getting. I'm getting treatments of Brady Wonka's meat factory. Yes, My barbecue sauce is the only sauce waterfall in the world. Come with me. I spell come differently in the world of meaty imagination. Squirt, squirt here. Squirt, squirt there. The building's made of meat. See?

[Brett Vesely]

Augustus is drinking from the. No, don't.

[John Holmberg]

Stop, stop. He's sucking from the gravy river. These will Be all right. Who hasn't?

[Brett Vesely]

Instacart released some data on what America. What America is ordering for their Fourth of July gatherings and cookouts.

[John Holmberg]

I'm sorry.

[Brett Vesely]

Based upon the data from last year's holiday and the demand for yellow corn is up 380% compared to the yearly average. The biggest products they're looking for on Fourth of July. Charcoal.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Everywhere but here.

[Brett Vesely]

There was potato salad, baby back ribs, hot dog buns, canned baked beans, brats, frozen beef burgers, watermelons, Wonka and beef patties.

[John Holmberg]

Brady, Wonka's building. They're looking for Wonka meat. I forgot the comedian who did that. I was dying laughing. Savory foods instead of candy. And the whole thing is a horror show. There is no earthly way of knowing which direction meat is going. There's no knowing where we're rowing.

[Brett Vesely]

A new poll asked more than 5,000Americans, have you ever wanted to be the President of the United States?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

73% said no. 15% said they have, but only as a child.

[John Holmberg]

And 30% of them said yes. Then it could legalize it. We already did that.

[Brett Vesely]

8% have ever wanted to be president as an adult. Best part of the Politics don't matter. Eight percent of Republicans have wanted to be the POTUS. Eight percent of independents, 10% of Democrats. The generation that has wanted to be present more than any others. Gen Z. There were at the. In Madison, Wisconsin, the Capitol building. They have a beautiful tulip garden out front. Someone noticed some weeds in there. It weren't just weeds. It was riddled with marijuana plants.

[John Holmberg]

We can grow this crop and then be President of the United States, bro. All right. Legalize your bro. We're in charge. By the way, when I go to Lost our Home Pet Rescue, I go down a road. I think it's hardy and there's some houses on there. And Amy goes with me. She's my assistant in this thing. And in a neighborhood over there, a guy has cultivated his entire front yard into a corn crop. What? And it is a front yard that might be the size of the studio.

[Brett Vesely]

So.

[John Holmberg]

So dense.

[Brett Vesely]

20 plants or more.

[John Holmberg]

Well, there's more, but it's not.

[Brett Vesely]

It's.

[John Holmberg]

It's a probably. It's a little smaller than your front yard. And it's corn crop.

[Brett Vesely]

You could have 50, 60 plants.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, you're missing the point. Who cares how many you can get in there? You got a corn. Figuring out on my Brady, if you were in your. In your neighborhood and the neighbors planted rows of corn in the front yard, wouldn't you think something's going on that's not. And then the back of the house is built on. There's an add on. And it's like the top of a castle. It's got castle. We walked it. We got out of the car. So we gotta pull over and look at this. And there's so I. And so we looked it up. It's not legal to do that. You can't just grow corn in your front yard. There's gotta be weed or something in that corn or heroin. I don't. Nobody grows corn. And hardy and university.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm gonna check with my hoa.

[John Holmberg]

You're not allowed to have corn.

[Brett Vesely]

I thought I'd do some the corn and wheat.

[John Holmberg]

Gonna scrub the whole yard up front there, put in some cornrows. And by the way, I'm not gonna weed it either. I'm just gonna let the corn grow. Corn's about waist high right now. And as a boy from Indiana, we're getting close. I just know that waist high, by 4th of July, you got some good corn. And then, you know, by the middle of July, end of August, it's taller than you. It's time to start to pick it. It's strange that it's the weirdest house in Arizona, but I figured somebody pull over and go, you gotta pull over this out of here. What are you doing? And plus, you have to do special stuff. It's like feed corn. Otherwise, that gross stuff. He's got pigs in the backyard eating human bodies.

[Brett Vesely]

There's a new restaurant in Italy trying something cool. They're giving diners a free bottle of wine. If you give up your phone when you come in, they put it in a little box. It's even locked with a key. When you leave, you get it back. It's in Verona, Italy. It's called Al Condominium.

[John Holmberg]

Huh?

[Brett Vesely]

Al Condominio. Nailed it.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brett Vesely]

They said they wanted to make kind of something new that they thought would be a fun way to encourage diners to be more present with their companions. And you don't have to give it up to the restaurant. It's optional.

[John Holmberg]

It's optional, but it's a nice.

[Brett Vesely]

If you do it, you get that bottle of wine. Says we're not having too many people holding on to their phones at dinner.

[John Holmberg]

It's sad that we have to get paid to not to have your phone to talk to the person you went to dinner with. I don't want that. What if I want to play some bad game in the middle of our meal? I got a new Game. There's a new wordle out. There's a cool wordle. And also, I haven't figured out today's wordle. And then this new candy crush has got my eyes spinning. So if the conversation goes south, I'm just gonna look down. Plus, sometimes she says some real outlandish. I have to back it up, check it out. I don't know if that's true. Dr. Fauci didn't invent AIDS. Aaron Rodgers, let me go. You're a moron. Let me. Let me research that and have an opinion real quick, and I'll come back to you as a know it all. Because I just read the information. I had no idea about two seconds ago. Yeah, I think it should be mandatory. I think women should put that foot down. But you're just as bad as we are. Is if somebody takes you to dinner, they pick up their phone, dinner's over. Yeah, like, you know, that should be it. Unless it's an emergency phone call, there should be no reason for that guy to question what you just said. And look at. I'm gonna look up what you just said. I'm gonna research your. I think you're full of. All right, well, then we don't need to talk anymore because I was just having a conversation with you. I didn't know I was being interrogated. I think women should be stricter about a dude texting or being on the phone at dinner. I think, you know, women get away with a lot more than men when it comes to that. But I think that should be like a. He was on the phone the whole time. We should want to do it. Gentlemen, if the bar has been set so low that all you have to do is pay attention to her, you should win that battle every time. Yeah. It shouldn't be tough to woo a woman by going, woo, woo, woo.

[Brett Vesely]

And women just don't bore us.

[John Holmberg]

Right? Tell better stories. On the flip side, you've got all of humanity's information. The history of man is in your hands. Look something up and have a good story, for God's sakes.

[Brett Vesely]

Someone conducted a poll asking men if they'd take a penny they saw in a urinal.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Brett Vesely]

490 people weighed in on this, and 428 of them said, no.

[John Holmberg]

That's too many.

[Brett Vesely]

62 said yes.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they would take a penny. Don't do it. Don't point to my nose. I swear to God. I know you're laughing. I know your laugh, and I didn't see you do that. But I know that Laugh. That is the laugh of bigotry. Tell me I'm wrong. Yeah. No, you're wrong. I would not dig around for a goddamn penny.

[Brett Vesely]

They had comments from people. One person said if they said no penny, I wouldn't even consider it, even if it was. What about clean on a table?

[John Holmberg]

Five bucks works.

[Brett Vesely]

One guy said he would do it for a dollar.

[John Holmberg]

He'd reach and get the dollar. You just turn around. Listen to that. That is a racism. That is not what that is. That's an anti Semitic cat. Nope. I did not say that. You said that. I said nothing. I just heard you laugh. I know what makes you laugh like that.

[Brett Vesely]

Made a gesture. Some guy with the initials J.H. said if you see it, money.

[John Holmberg]

No, I'm turning him off. He's done for a little bit. Why does he like bigotry so much? What would you do? Like five bucks? 10, 20? Where do you go? Urinal? Yeah, urinal. 100 bucks sitting in a urinal. You're not going to take that. And. Well, then there is something. I'd take a 20 out of your. Arnold. Shut up. Look, I watch you. You would. Not only would you take it out, you'd go back a couple days later to see if it's a magic urinal.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm putting a dollar in ours.

[John Holmberg]

That would be like us. I've seen you at slot machines. You're. Come on. You lock up like nobody's business. No way. A free 20 you'd take taking it. Shalom. He's that tight on the slot machine? Oh, it's. I don't like slots. Scared him. No. Craps, I'll throw down, but slots. It got to the point where the guy with us tapped me in the shoulder and goes, what are you doing to him? Because he was, like, turning white. It's crazy. Well, he was bad luck anyway. He is a mush. Yeah. Yeah. I've never been around Chris and had any luck at all. And I've never seen somebody shut it down more than he got you.

[Brett Vesely]

And now it's time for some smugglers news.

[John Holmberg]

Hello, my friends.

[Brett Vesely]

Brady Bogan here with some news about people hiding stuff and getting busted. We call it the smuggler's news. This flight attendant or air hostess in India got busted for smuggling 960 grams of gold dust in her rectum.

[John Holmberg]

Whoa. Awful gold dust, woman. Whoa.

[Brett Vesely]

Another. This happened in Thailand at the. I don't even know how to pronounce the airport in Bangkok.

[John Holmberg]

Dong Mong.

[Brett Vesely]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, this.

[Brett Vesely]

That one.

[John Holmberg]

Swabber. Barkham.

[Brett Vesely]

No, it's it's something.

[John Holmberg]

It doesn't matter. Philip has done the wrong thing.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, they inspected a bag of stuffed toys. Felt one of the teddy bears. It was kind of warm. They found a tiger cub, drugged alive, stuffed inside of the plush toy.

[John Holmberg]

Wait, she had gold dust in her ass and a tiger.

[Brett Vesely]

No, this is another one. Gold dust was at the Indian Air hostess.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, she was an airline. I wonder if stewards just get away with that a lot stuff in their butts. By the way, how many grams did you say on that one?

[Brett Vesely]

960 grams, that is of gold dust.

[John Holmberg]

3 lbs. In her butt. In her. But I challenge all of you. I had that hot plug in there and that thing was real light. I felt every. Imagine a two pounder. It's like having a dumbbell in your butt. A dumbbell of gold. That's something I kind of almost want to try. What? Yeah, because then the next time you go to the bathroom, it'd be hilarious. Your poop would look like Goldschlager.

[Brett Vesely]

Another guy in China tried to disguise his turtle as a hamburger. Wrapped his beloved pet in a takeout container, brought it through security.

[John Holmberg]

Not so beloved, by the way.

[Brett Vesely]

If you're smothering it, eat that little turtle between two buns.

[John Holmberg]

But why can't you just ask the Chinese official? Can I take my turtle?

[Brett Vesely]

You're not allowed to smuggle.

[John Holmberg]

Where's he smuggling?

[Brett Vesely]

Doesn't say where he was. Head.

[John Holmberg]

Just moving out. Gotta leave your pets behind.

[Brett Vesely]

2005, a woman was detained in Australia after landing in Singapore carrying 15 plastic bags of live tropical fish. She wore it as a custom made apron containing the fish bags underneath her skirt.

[John Holmberg]

Aprons are a dead giveaway that you're getting on a plane with an apron on.

[Brett Vesely]

Another one had a meth burrito. That happened. 2016. Tucson International.

[John Holmberg]

That's a good idea. And not surprising at all. I think they sell meth burritos in Tucson. I think there's a place called. You think that's on the Filiberto's menu? El Methos. Come on in. What you want? I want some cheese and some of that guacamole and then a bunch of meth. Okay. Come on, pile it on. Have you seen the thing that's going on at Chipotle? Were we talking about that? Where if you film them, they give you more. It's a bunch of prick kids. They'll add on a little loud where they're going in with their cameras while you're making your chipotle thing and you're going down the line. And if you start filming them, they notice that the employees will hand over a little more. And the CEOs like, ask. This is weird, because now people are. Everybody's filming their employees.

[Brett Vesely]

That's why they liked it. Because now it's going, you know, now.

[John Holmberg]

It'S just a rob.

[Brett Vesely]

They're posting it on social media.

[John Holmberg]

So the guy's like, just ask us. We won't charge extra for a little extra. They're starting to get. Starting to harass them with cameras. Now.

[Brett Vesely]

This woman in South Korea at the Guangzhou Airport attempted to smuggle dozens of tadpoles in her mouth.

[John Holmberg]

Those weren't tadpoles.

[Brett Vesely]

The woman was asked to drink or discard. Discard her water bottle during a routine security check. She sipped the water but didn't swallow. She became kind of suspicious and she was asked to spit out the liquid and dozens of tadpoles were pulled out.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, sorry about that. We were busy in the bathroom. I threw some tadpoles in her mouth and she doesn't swallow. We know what you're doing. And who's on Somebody for smuggling tadpoles in their mouth. Something suspicious going on over there? Ask that lady. Ma' am, can we ask you a couple questions? Sure. What's going on? We have a suspicious feeling you might have a load full of tadpoles in your goblin. Oh, you guys are ridiculous. That's stupid. Sip this water. Never.

[Brett Vesely]

Another guy in Australia got busted. They found over 10 ounces of ecstasy hidden in his Mr. Potato Head doll.

[John Holmberg]

That's your smuggler's news. Some good stuff in there. I'm going to sue for harassment. I can't believe you guys would ask me these things. Spit out the tadpoles, lady. We know what's going on. I'm a horror. Well, now we know that they're not that big. And then Lex Steele comes around. Why are you harassing my lady? Jesus Christ. That's his sperms. Those weren't tadpoles at all. That guy gives birth to fish.

[Brett Vesely]

You'll like this one, John. Researchers out of the University of Sheffield in the UK say that older people face discrimination around sex and relationships, particularly when it comes to nursing homes where privacy can be limited. They say they should. They're doing new training for medical professionals and care providers and nursing home staff to encourage the elderly. They need playtime.

[John Holmberg]

Wait a minute. Why are they being discouraged?

[Brett Vesely]

Playtime meaning they need to have sex.

[John Holmberg]

But what is the. What are they being discouraged and discriminated against?

[Brett Vesely]

They're saying that they're. Since they're in a nursing home. And that. That activity.

[John Holmberg]

Old people are saying they need to have sex. I thought the staff was saying, you guys need to step it up.

[Brett Vesely]

The staff is going to encourage them to have sex.

[John Holmberg]

How's that discrimination?

[Brett Vesely]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

You started it by saying they're facing discrimination.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, maybe because. Well, I. Because the staff was told not to encourage them.

[John Holmberg]

Did your story say that that was true, or did you just make that part up?

[Brett Vesely]

That's where, I'm guessing where the discrimination came from. Let's say that older people face discrimination around sex and relationships.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. Especially in nursing homes.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So now the staff is saying, you.

[Brett Vesely]

Guys educating the staff in other. To encourage that activity.

[John Holmberg]

Got it.

[Brett Vesely]

Go ahead, bang away. Kind of discrimination.

[John Holmberg]

Like. Well, they're being generally old now. You're.

[Brett Vesely]

You've grown out of it.

[John Holmberg]

There's. It's poorly.

[Brett Vesely]

Still have the.

[John Holmberg]

Poorly worded. It's a societal discrimination to say. To say that they're done having sex. Men can't get it up. Ladies aren't interested.

[Brett Vesely]

Out of it.

[John Holmberg]

Right. Well, that's a thing. Evidently. I don't know. Ever want to grow out of that? No. I want to be a Peter Pan complex about sex all my life. Yeah. I don't ever want to have that discussion. Like. Yeah, it's just not that. Who cares?

[Brett Vesely]

The reason why, too, is because they probably don't want to see that or picture that.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody wants to see it. Brady, I don't want to see you doing it. And you're not old yet. I don't know. You don't want to see me doing.

[Brett Vesely]

It or whatever is going in there. And they, you know, they walk into the room.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you're supposed to knock still. There's your discrimination. You can't just go barging in an old lady's rooms. You might catch him even without a guy. Imagine it would be better to see them having sex than pleasuring themselves. That's pathetic. You're supposed to knock. So if the discrimination is. They just keep barging in on old people having sex, that's bad. And old people can do it, but they should do it under the COVID of darkness with, like, a triple lock.

[Brett Vesely]

They walk in, the diapers are on the floor.

[John Holmberg]

We're still just pushed to the side.

[Brett Vesely]

Like, maybe we should change this. Maybe we should change this policy.

[John Holmberg]

I don't even like porns where the panties are moved over to the side now. I just pictured the diaper. That noise. No, it's gonna be full. It's Gonna squish. Oh, it'll fall. Thank you, Josh. There's no crinkling is what I'm saying. Old man stuffer. And he's scooting the diaper over. Move it to the side. I don't have time to bend over. Besides putting it back on. It's a nice man. I'm gonna get you from behind. I can't look at your face.

[Brett Vesely]

Experts are warning that the Silver Tsunami poses a threat to the economy.

[John Holmberg]

Is that a superhero I don't know about? Who's the silver over?

[Brett Vesely]

65. People over 65 are set to outnumber children by the year 2030.

[John Holmberg]

Yes.

[Brett Vesely]

They're calling it the Silver Tsunami.

[John Holmberg]

Bring it on. By 2030. Oh, I won't be 65 yet. 58.

[Brett Vesely]

A record 4.1 million Americans will turn 65 this year.

[John Holmberg]

I want to be in that. I want to be part of the Silver Tsunami that destroys children. 65 and up wars. The dangerous thing is. And I keep warning everybody had this conversation with somebody the other day and I changed their mind. I think it's amazing what they're doing in medical science. We could live to be 120. You're an idiot. They'd work you till you were 100. You do not hear why they want people to live longer. I hadn't thought of that. Of course you haven't. Because you're selfish. You're thinking of your own needs. Get off the planet.

[Brett Vesely]

Half of the wealth in the US is now held by people born before 1965.

[John Holmberg]

That's the way it should be. Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

They've had the most time to imagine.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. They've been around for 70 years. Makes sense. Tons of sense.

[Brett Vesely]

They're saying now around 20 million over 55.

[John Holmberg]

Hold on a second.

[Brett Vesely]

Already need assistance with daily tasks to live an independent life.

[John Holmberg]

You said half.

[Brett Vesely]

Half of the wealth in the US is now held by people born before.

[John Holmberg]

1960 and the other half as people after.

[Brett Vesely]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

So it's. It's nothing.

[Brett Vesely]

Now. It must have been lower before the. Or more on the other side. But they're making.

[John Holmberg]

A good reporter would have told us that. Now it's just 50%. Is this 50%? Is that half the world's wealth? You could go back to anything, find a number. Half the world's wealth has 20 years left to live. And the other half is. Will inherit it. And then they'll be the ones with all of it. And eventually they'll turn into an age. Yep. There you go. Meek and all that. Inheriting the earth. Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station. All they show with none of the fluff. Let's get started. There's more of the best of homework's morning sickness. This segment brought to You Guys by Mo Money Pond, 12th street, and Indian School. Now, whatever you're looking for, it doesn't matter if it's electronics, jewelry, tools, pretty much, you name it, they got it there. All right, check them out [e-mail] or like I said, just go to the store and check them out. 12th street in Indian School, it's Mo Money Pond. And I don't know if I'm capable of, like, being the person who discovers that, you know, the person who saw the bodies, you see the bloody bodies. I think I'd make that call, but there was a story yesterday, I think it was in Houston where the couple was just, you know, walking their dogs or riding their bikes, and their dogs were with them and whatever. And a lady looked over in a bush and saw two little feet, like, just kind of kicking and just walked, you know, like, they're just sitting there on the edge of the thing. And she goes, honey, a baby. And they picked it up immediately. And I'm like, what would I do? First thought for me is, don't touch it. Because I've tried to help a kid at a store once who seemed lost. He's walking up to me like I'm his dad, and I'm like, are you okay? I remember just saying, are you okay? Huh? Are you all right? Oh. And then he started to look nervous, like he was scared. I'm like, can I help you? And I took his arm. Didn't hold his hand or anything. Took his arm. And the lady came across. Get your hands off of him. Like, all right, fine. I should have kicked him in the back. I didn't really. I was trying to help. That's what you got. You're the one. And I wanted to say. What? You keep your eyes on him. I just raised your kid down this aisle. I'm not doing that again. But I. How many times have been Viking that you and I will joke and, like, I have literally photographed children's pants on the. On the trail. Oh, yeah, yeah. And then. Were you with me that day? And then the next thing we saw was a. Yep, another set of kids clothes. And then, like, adult coats all along this wall. Keep riding. And I'm like, I'm not investigating this. Nope. I don't know where the naked kid is or the dude who owns that coat is, but I Just want to keep riding. And if I saw little baby feet sticking out of a bush, I'd get curious. But I'd also assume somebody must be close. I might stop and start screaming, hey, baby, there's a baby. And if nobody steps up, that's mine. Okay, bye. I don't want to find a baby ever in my life. That's the worst thing in the world you can find, is a stray baby.

[Brett Vesely]

I think people agree with you on that. No one ever wants to find a baby.

[John Holmberg]

No one wants to find a baby. But I don't know what I would do if I found a baby. Like a little hangover on that thing and end up stuck with it for a while. I pick up dogs. If I see a dog, you know, if it's got a collar, you know what to do, right? We got a collar, babies, is what I'm saying. You got to put a date and a place it lives. Maybe chip it. I know Bible people. Calm down. Chip the baby. Keep riding. None of my business. Yes, you'd ride right by. I might check for a collar and then I'd take it over to the baby dog. Yeah, I would. I touch him up for a baby. Oh, no. I'm talking if we collared babies, then I take it to the baby vet and do a wand on it, scan it. They don't chip it, it stays in their facility. Say what? Say it again. You were not. Put it back where you found it if there's no chip on it. Yeah, just wash your hands of it. It's scary what you're doing with the cats. No. You're hanging out with your cats. Yeah. You've got cats in your backyard. Yeah. But you kind of left it alone. It's easy.

[Brett Vesely]

Call 9.

[John Holmberg]

1. But babies are different than animals. Babies are different than animals. Yeah. I'm not picking it up. I ain't touching it. And again, I don't know.

[Brett Vesely]

It's one of those things where sometimes you feel like I can see where she's feeling. No, something's not right here. And there's a baby. So I left a baby.

[John Holmberg]

We gotta chip babies. It's gotta happen. Put a chip in it and let it last five or six years in case it gets loose. Kids should be chipped. And then you run the wand. And where they live, we take them back. We were at the hotel in Bangkok. And you know how they have, like, a set of doors? You go in the first doors and then you go in the second doors. And that little void area? Yeah. There's a There's a baby in there. Yeah. Like, no parents around. I'm touching that. I walk by and I'm like, lisa, I'm like, you think there's a person for the baby in a foreign country? None of your business. Keep going. As we kept walking, you end up getting caned or something. I'm not doing that. And what you said, somebody will find it. Somebody's finding that baby, and they're going to be citizens. They might. I might be. This is a trap. Baby's lantern. Now, I would definitely help, but I ain't touching that baby. And we need to collar him. Put the, you know, name, address, all that kind of stuff, Put it on there. And if they don't have that chip, it. Because that's horrifying to me. Brett and I have been on rides where I'm like, something's not right here at all. I took pictures of the baby clothes because I'm like, nobody just throws an outfit over here. And then next to it, adult clothes. And I'm like, this can't be where they changed. There was nothing else there. I'm like, this is weird. Do I call someone? I'm like, nah, it's just closed. Probably a horrible crime.

[Brett Vesely]

Out of sight, out of mind.

[John Holmberg]

I saw one. It was off of. Was that like 20 something street? No, it's 12th street just along the 51. I think that's 12th street. And up against this thing, I saw a mound of dirt. And sticking out of it was a, like the end of a pair of jeans. I'm like, I'm just gonna keep riding. I don't want them. I'm not making. I don't want any of these phone calls coming. Somebody had buried some jeans. I just made it in my head that somebody pooped their jeans and then buried them. Left him and buried him. Let's keep going with that. It wasn't on a trail. More in the neighborhood to the trail. It was like in houses and up against the wall by the freeway. And I'm like, I'm not you. If you took the time to bury those jeans, someone else will. Somebody else will do it. But a Toledo over in Thailand? A baby in a vestibule? No, thanks.

[Brett Vesely]

Maybe that's a good little questionnaire before the. You know, is there a chance that you might lose your baby then?

[John Holmberg]

It has to be chips now, Brady. And then you put a chip and.

[Brett Vesely]

A mini alarm on it.

[John Holmberg]

Think about the back seat. I was on the phone with you when city workers from Gilbert brought Kirby back to you because oh, sure enough, little rascal scooted out. Thanks, guys. What just happened? Kirby walked away. At the time, she was maybe four, three. Yeah. Just left while you were on the phone with me in the front yard. You had to. It doesn't matter. Yeah. Somebody needed to bring her back. Not so in the front yard that people weren't concern. So probably more so a little bit in the road, down the road. And worrisome. You were another one. You know, you were a kid that wandered and got your mom got phone calls and said, hey, your son's over on our porch again. And in his diaper in his bottle. Hilarious.

[Brett Vesely]

With his hands out.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Wanting some cake. Something. Finding babies is scary as hell. No way.

[Brett Vesely]

It is most of people, like, in a, you know, neighborhood. Again, you know, back then it was making a call saying, well, luckily they recognized me on that.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you were well known.

[Brett Vesely]

Sometimes in the neighborhood, you see a kid running around like, I didn't know my neighbors. And that's the first time I met, you know, Rowdy. He was as young as I, but he was down by the.

[John Holmberg]

Just walked around in a diaper and stuff.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

See, my first reaction is just like, somebody better do something with it. I want to. Like, I even asked the baby. I've asked the baby. Are you all right? Huh? You okay? Yeah. All right, that's enough for me. That's good by me if you're. If you're answering those questions.

[Brett Vesely]

Second time. Luckily, I knew who he was. It was nine o' clock at night.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

And I opened the door.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. He's just standing at the door. Yep. That would scare the hell out of me. That's a horror movie. A baby on my doorstep at night. Close the door. Close that door. Call the cops. I hear something outside. I don't know what it is. Dude. Marauder. I'm gonna get my guy. We have a castle loss here. As you get rid of this thing. He's trying to break in the baby. Trying to break.

[Brett Vesely]

Son, hand me the knife. Give me the knife.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I think on the questionnaire, do you think you might lose your baby? Everyone has to answer that. Yes. Because everybody will eventually lose their baby.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, then we're gonna have to chip it.

[John Holmberg]

Such a weird.

[Brett Vesely]

If you think you have to chip your baby, you might not be.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. But you have to chip your dog. And I'm not gonna listen to my daughter. You don't know. I think chipping baby is a great idea. Especially when you get stories like, isn't it great? I'm like, no, none of this is great. Well, two diligent people found that baby. Somebody lost it, and it would be real easy if it had a tag to take it right back. Hey. Found your babies over in the bushes. It's like a band. Marcus place. Chipping babies, right? Oh, God. They said my husband was kayaking down the Verde river and saw something on the shore. It was a suicide with a shotgun. And that's not the first body he found as a young adult out in the wild. Well, Julie, that your husband was a murderer and he would play pretend he found dead bodies. You find two dead bodies in your life independent of each other, you're a murderer. That happens. It's a smart move to pretend you found them.

[Brett Vesely]

You believe it's the fifth time?

[John Holmberg]

Found another dead body. Same exact M.O. i was kayaking, and there they were with a gunshot wound to the head. Suicide. It's amazing how many people kill themselves. When I kayak, I just wanted a.

[Brett Vesely]

Little getaway in Detroit.

[John Holmberg]

I kayaked. You know, there's Canada to the north. I'm right there in the. And a dead guy again. Can you believe it? Honey, you had the weirdest luck. I know. Probably keep this to ourselves.

[Brett Vesely]

So you were tubing in the canal and you came across the body.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the.

[Brett Vesely]

You're not allowed to tube in the.

[John Holmberg]

Just. Just. There's another one kayaking down the old APS Canal or srp, whoever runs it. I don't care if I pay one of them. I know that I pay both of them, I think. But, yeah, finding a dead body. And then the worst part is if you find something, you call like, I want to stay anonymous. Now you're guilty of, like, you did something. Like the reason that baby is where it is because. So you got to give them all your info. And now you're in silent witness. I keep telling you guys, you like the silence. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

[Brett Vesely]

That's not even a silent witness.

[John Holmberg]

You and I together, finding a baby on the bike trail. We would say something. You would. I'd keep pedaling. See you later, pal. Bow and don't work out with that baby. I got a court case. They think I did it. But you chip it and you take it over to the baby vet and it finds the house. But how would you. How would you feel?

[Brett Vesely]

I mean, like, so you would. On a trail. You're like, I'm ignoring it. Like today. You're out on the trail this afternoon.

[John Holmberg]

Well, down on the trail.

[Brett Vesely]

And then you find out an hour later that's going to die within an hour.

[John Holmberg]

Out there anyway. What am I going to put in the backpack?

[Brett Vesely]

You could have been there.

[John Holmberg]

That would sit well.

[Brett Vesely]

Let me ask you this, sit well with me.

[John Holmberg]

Do I have a bike lock? Because I'm not leaving my bike out there. I'm responsible with the things I own. This person didn't even like he's not losing another one. They're expensive. Josh is going to laugh at you. So I can't carry a baby on a bike trail. So I'd have to lock it to something. If I don't have my bike locked, it was gonna be a long baby.

[Brett Vesely]

I'd be, you know, if I had my phone with me which would most.

[John Holmberg]

Make a call, let me tell you.

[Brett Vesely]

And then try to, you know, keep the baby out of the sun and.

[John Holmberg]

All right, it might stay there. Tell someone, here's a bottle of water, I'm out. And pour water on it. Yeah, I might pour water on it. My phone was overheated so the emergency call was the only thing I had. Yeah, I might make that happen.

[Brett Vesely]

You know, when not knowing the situation and not know it's a, you know, could be a trap, whatever. What if the parents were out there all three hiking and they lost it and the baby.

[John Holmberg]

I just think that's a bad parent. A bad parent if you can't get a baby on a hike.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay, bad parent. I'm still not going. Well, that's your parents fault. I mean kid, I got a bike ride.

[John Holmberg]

I do have a bike ride though, Brady, and I'm in the middle of it. It's a heavy breathing and there's a lot of work involved and stopping is the worst thing you can do. It causes is cramping. I kicked that homeless guy that time and he screwed up my whole day. And like Brett said, you should have just kept riding. And he was 100% right. Because then homeless guy started to tell me about how the aliens and the locusts and the. And the birds are robots. And I'm like, oh God.

[Brett Vesely]

It made for a little bit better story.

[John Holmberg]

It made for a great story for the radio. If I didn't work in the radio, I'd probably ridden right past that guy.

[Brett Vesely]

Because you're not going to share. Hey, I left a baby the other day on the trail.

[John Holmberg]

Well, nobody's going to say that. Oh, I would, I would. I mean Brett and I almost, we saw a baby, we made a couple. But who leave. Who take A, who takes a baby on a hiking trail? B, who just puts it down. That's their intention. And then what Man, I've got an emotional attack. I wouldn't. I wouldn't even. Never even date a single mother because I don't want to get attached to her kid. Next thing you know, he's like, somebody left a baby in the woods. I find it. I'm like, great. Well, what happened to it? Next thing, you're getting calls. Well, we found the parents, and they don't want it, so he's available. Ah, nuts. Like, lost your home for. And then he's gonna want to meet me when it gets, you know, cognitive reasoning and. Thanks, dad.

[Brett Vesely]

How about this? What about in the back of a car? You see a car?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I'd help with that. That I would. Yeah. That I would. I'd make. Because you know why it's a cool. You get to bust the windows.

[Brett Vesely]

That's true.

[John Holmberg]

Do that for a dog, for sure.

[Brett Vesely]

That's good.

[John Holmberg]

I would definitely help. But I mean, I honestly think with a dog, nobody ever blames you for stealing the dog. When you bring it back, if you're holding the baby and you're like, I have a baby, you're immediately a suspect. It's not like Good Samaritan immediately if you find a baby. Like, if I pick a baby up in the. In the. On the trail, and I'm like, got this baby, see? And people are like, our baby's missing. It's almost always you, but I. Who finds the baby amazing.

[Brett Vesely]

The same way. Like, you're saying, that homeless guy took my day. Entire day.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I took an hour and a half.

[Brett Vesely]

An hour and a half. Took a chunk out of your day. And that kind of follows you. Normally, I wouldn't do that, but you do an hour and a half for a dog, no problem. You found a dog.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, because dog doesn't have a choice. I know. The baby doesn't either.

[Brett Vesely]

Same thing. I mean.

[John Holmberg]

But, you know, here's the thing, though. A dog can wander off into, like, it can be a stray, can hurt someone else. It can do damage. It's. It's lost. It's done. So, yes, I would do that. I guess what I find, a lost dog is not gonna make people. Like, if I return your lost dog, you're immediately gonna say, oh, my God, thank you. Yeah, I return your lost baby. You think I stole your baby? Nobody's gonna say, oh, they get loose again. Thank you so much. You're gonna. If I show up with a baby, I'm not touching it. That's my point. Like, if I find that baby, I'm just gonna photograph It. Call the police. Maybe stand by it for a little while, pour water on it like Brett said. But none of my d. None of my handprints or DNA are touching that baby.

[Brett Vesely]

I understand there can be some weird situation in less than a. It was last year coming out of a store. I don't know if it was a Target or something like that. And this little girl's standing there. She's in tears, and I'm with Ronnie. I'm like, oh, she's lost.

[John Holmberg]

She's married, right?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. So I stop. Are you looking for your parents?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Shakes her hand. Well, let's go in and.

[John Holmberg]

And you held her hand.

[Brett Vesely]

Didn't hold her hand. I was saying, let's go to the management. Maybe they can make her off with them before we start going over there all sudden. Older woman. It's grandma, and she has six grandchildren.

[John Holmberg]

Lost the baby.

[Brett Vesely]

Lost one of them.

[John Holmberg]

Sure. And I just. Like I said, I've helped and got yelled at for. Yeah. Do you remember our friend Becky's wedding? I think you. You guys were there when this happened. So her little nephew. I think he was the climber. Yeah. Little redhead. Crazy. Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Came over to me, found me out.

[John Holmberg]

Sitting at our table there in their yard. Said, looks at me and taps me on the shoulder. Will you unzip my zipper? Nope. I looked around. I'm like, no, I won't. You were there. And I'm like, I'm being punked. Yeah. Somebody's setting me up. And then when you did it, I was like, toledo, you were like, you're.

[Brett Vesely]

Not gonna tell anyone, right?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And then his dad came over and said, what about me, big fella? Toledo was unzipping zippers all night. I'm not saying that I wouldn't help. I'm saying that's a sticky situation. To see a baby's feet out of a bush. That's horrifying. Pick up. Honestly, pick up a baby at the target and walk around with it. Say, look what I found. People are gonna think you're a bad guy. You do it with a dog, Everybody. You're a hero. It's better because you. You said their feet were moving. Oh, I. If I found a dead baby, I would just. I look, I tried to. When I tried to pick up that rope in my backyard and it turned out to be a snake, I laid down my. My. My initial reaction was to lay next to it, and they just laid down, and I can't even see that other snake that got in my house. I was. I. I pooped I stood on a table. I don't react well to that. But I see a dead kid or something in a. A. On a bike ride. I think I'm with bread on this one. I might call later and go, I think I saw. But I don't want anybody to know that I found the dead baby. Now they're going to suspect me.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. I become a suspect.

[John Holmberg]

The people who find the bodies. Brett knows this. Are usually the ones who kind of probably did it. That's why you don't touch anything, you see? I don't find any. That's why I've never. That's exactly why. You have never found a baby. Nope. But you've never done one. Nope. Babies don't get lost. Philip's right. Philip just email. Babies get abandoned. You try to return an abandoned baby, they're just gonna run away from you and then blame you for something. That's right. The parents are already crazy if they lost a baby. Babies don't get lost. That's a great phrase. Our blind listener, Sean, hit us up. Best part about being blind. I didn't see nothing. Might as well be Italian. Yeah, Rockefeller has it, man. Sean, didn't you. Never mind. You can hear. It would be worse if Sean's walking around with that stick. The hell is this? This is baby bruised. There's something in the middle of my. And he just keeps poking baby in the sidewalk. Hello? Anybody around this thing? And then you just have to know where to step over and act like, well, I'm blind. He can get away with everything. What a blessing it is for him to have lost his sight. Never have to deal with this. Well, she shouldn't be on the trails anyway, I don't think. I'm not a big one for him on the bike. Yeah, that's probably not. Yeah, it's crazy. But that's a story. When I read it, I'm like, what would I do? I know know I would help. But then my brain's gonna start working. They're gonna think I killed this baby. How you find the dead baby? You know what I would do? I would call the police. Go. My friend Brett and I were riding, and he called me up and said, you got to come see this. No. Well, they wouldn't believe you. And then he left. I think he did it. I don't want to find anything like that in my life. People find that stuff. You watch movies, and it's like, they're always heroes at first, and then it turns out they're in on. If I find More than one baby in my life. That means two things. I'm spending too much time in the avenues or Brett is getting really sloppy. It's the avenues. It's the. You'll find it's crazy. It's a terrible discussion. Man, oh, man. Now, like, we went down the road and little bridge and looked over and saw two little feet. And they didn't realize what they'd seen until they got real close. My husband was right there with me and the dogs. And I yelled to him like, it is a baby. And my husband's like, call 91 1. I'm sure that's not his first thing. Let's get the hell out of here. No, we've got to do something. No, just run. Get the kids away from it. Don't want to see this.

[Brett Vesely]

All right?

[John Holmberg]

They're going to think we did this. And now I'm wondering, because my brain works this way. This flowery story about a whole family that found an abandoned baby later on, are we gonna find out they did it? Remember the lady? We were like, oh, my God. Kids stolen by a black and tossed into that river. And we all felt terrible for her for a minute. We found out she did it. Balloon boy, Falcon. Remember? Oh, dad was just goofing around in the backyard with an experiment, and the boy got in. He didn't know. And off it went. These poor people. Later, we find out it was all for attention.

[Brett Vesely]

Hiding in the attic.

[John Holmberg]

He was in there the whole time. Gave up the game to Wolf Blitzer on cnn. Dad? Yeah. All these stories where people get all this credit. You start wondering, wait a minute. They're the ones who did it. Dad's like, I should have put him in the goddamn balloon. For real. There was a. There was a. I can't remember the dude's name. It was Anderson. Major Anderson or something like that. He was a. It was a doctor on a military base back in the late 60s. He started wanting to get rid of his family, and he read a story about Charles Manson. So he hired some drifter chick and had her break in. And like, he said, here, stab me here. He got stabbed, like, 21 times. But he was a doctor, so we knew where all the safe places to get stabbed were. And then he said, all right, I'll be right back. And then he just slaughtered his kids and his wife. And then. And then he. After being stabbed, they're not sure before, after, otherwise. But I'm pretty sure he killed everybody his blood was on. And then, you know, all the stuff where he kind of was clearly.

[Brett Vesely]

Probably did that first.

[John Holmberg]

And then poking. Yeah, probably. And then afterwards. The girl didn't do it. He did it. But he's like, put one back here.

[Brett Vesely]

Thanks, Squeak.

[John Holmberg]

Here. And then she kind of did. She was a police informant. He didn't know that. So when they went to trial and stuff, it was over. But he was like this poor husband. Like, oh, it's just a terrible, terrible thing. And when the cops didn't tell the public at the time, but he had written die pigs on his wall, because he was. He was like, it's just a. These Manson kids are everywhere. This hippie culture, drug stuff. And he said that the one girl was standing in the room chanting, acid is great. Kill the pigs. And then so, like, 25 years later, they get him again because he's like, yeah, none of this makes sense to you. So they throw him in the can. And now they're kind of like, revisiting the things. They're like, there are some things here that happen. They found a wig hair there, and he said there was a lady with a wig there. And they found handprints and things of people that they couldn't identify. The greatest part about it was all of the people who were murdered had different blood types, which is what got him. Because his blood was where it shouldn't have been, over his wife and stuff, and then over his kids. Like, why is his blood in every room? Because it was easy to figure out who was what, even before DNA. It's a great story, but initially, the point being everybody felt for this dude. He's on Dick Cavett's show. He's like, I can't believe they put you through that. You went through a trial, and poor, poor, poor man. O.J. first day, everybody's like, oh, my God, we're O.J. and those kids. It's, like, terrible. We felt bad for OJ for, like, two days. And everybody's like, hold on a second. What's going on with O.J.

[Brett Vesely]

I felt he's running. I didn't feel it.

[John Holmberg]

I remember that was four days later. Four or five days later. I didn't know. Like, I honestly believe the OJ Thing was like, I assume he's probably done it. Like, he's done something terrible or he knows. But he also could have just lost his mind. That is, the mother of his kid was just decapitated. Yeah, they are after him. I don't know how I'd react if I didn't do it. And then they're like, you did it. And I'M like, But I didn't. And then I got a mustache and a gun and a wig and a buddy willing to drive me to Mexico. I think maybe I just think about that for a second. I don't want to go to jail. I don't. It looks bad. Did I do it? No. But they think I did. And I really don't have a good answer. I mean, he clearly killed her. But you know what I'm saying? At the time, none of us were like, well, this is it. Speculation over. This is how it is. O.J. did it. And there's how nobody knew a thing. No. All that info came out. Yeah. We all over the trial weeks, we all assumed something wasn't kosher.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. You're assuming if someone is running.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I think the most of us were like, well, I would stay there.

[Brett Vesely]

But you don't know the situation. You don't know they can interview me. I wasn't the guy.

[John Holmberg]

Brett would run. He ain't talking about my attorney. Well, they're still looking for the killers for this. This is still an open case, so Brett needs to be quiet. Where were you again? Well, when? 30 years ago. 30 years ago last night. Buying parts for my Mustang. Buy parts for my Mustang. Get some Mustang parts. In Brentwood, California. You are at a junkyard. Interesting. John, my dad is not Italian, but he's found multiple dead bodies. He's a murderer.

[Brett Vesely]

Running along the canal here in Central.

[John Holmberg]

He's a murderer. He's a murder. You know how many times I'm on the canal? Three times a week, at least. How many dead bodies you found? 0. Head on a swivel. And I'm pretty. I'm. I'm an observer. I see stuff. Zero dead body babies. Well, just baby clothes.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Still so weird. I can remember. I remember the. The shirt and the pants had, like, bedazzled like a. Like a. The more, you know, rainbow with a star on the pocket. Like, yuck. Took a picture of it and left. And like. Well, if I hear anything about the news about a naked baby and a guy without a coat running around, I'll say, I know where their pants are. I don't know if that helps. Hi, Officer. I know where baby pants are. Where were you? I didn't click. I'm not. So what. What were you doing with baby pants? My God. Damn it, Brett. Brett was right. The next thing you know, we're running up the 17 towards Flagstaff in the back of a 57 Ford where I got a gun and a mustache going. I didn't do this. Why would you have baby pants that don't belong to you? You're goddamn right, John. Here's one for your next Dr. Lynn. Ad I was working on patrol and my wife called me at 2am and all I heard her say was, I can't find our son. Little turd decided to wake up and play hide and seek in the middle of the night. Not cool, bro. Yeah. Yeah, well, guess what? He's gonna be the world record holder because I'm not getting up for that. I let him keep hiding. Yeah, you hide as long as you want. Who's 2 year old can get out like they may. Oh, there. Yeah. But now they make you do like even my house when I did one construction project. They're like all the doors now to pass inspection have to have a secondary lock or. Well, he might have been playing hide and seek in a house. When she disappeared. When the work.

[Brett Vesely]

I was on the phone.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, okay.

[Brett Vesely]

And she went out the front door. And I was still on the the phone and the front door.

[John Holmberg]

He's on the phone with me. I heard the whole thing. And it was. How old was she though? Three. Oh, okay. And God knows how long she was gone. Brady knows exactly. He was. He was laughing.

[Brett Vesely]

We were on the phone for hours.

[John Holmberg]

We were on the phone for a while. We were. We were on the phone for a while and then. Hang on, somebody's at the door. The best part was he didn't know. And I'm laughing on the other side. And one of the workers on the street just brought Kirby back. Where was she? I don't know. She just wandered off.

[Brett Vesely]

Thank you, Guillermo.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you guys. That's nice. This yours? I just remember hearing that through. Hi, is this yours? Sure is.

[Brett Vesely]

Bottle of sauce.

[John Holmberg]

He was so. He was so unrelated. There was no purpose. Parental panic. There was like, oh my God. Kirby. Got it. It's a bottle of sauce for your tamale. Javier. That must. Yes, definitely belongs to me. How long she been out there? I don't know. We got. Got some work done and then. Sorry, we should probably take her back in. Okay.

[Brett Vesely]

Then the other came in with another kid. I'm like, no, you're not getting a bottle of sausage.

[John Holmberg]

It's not my kid bringing babies for you. Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station. Cease and desist at once. The best of homework's morning sickness. This is the big red radio. But the real problem I was getting to there was I was watching OP Live Friday night. And this is what the tick tock generation did very serious call to the police. It's America's. It's a ride along for all of us. If you want to go on Fridays and Saturdays on the Reals channel and they get a call to a Hooters, like, restaurant, it wasn't Hooters. The girls are a little sluttier. A couple of waitress look pretty hot. But as the cops are walking up with the camera, you see why the call has been made that at the doorstep of this not Hooters. Hooters is a dead body. Dead man. Like, real dead, I think. So people have called saying, I think that's a dead guy. Okay? So the people there are all concerned at the dead man. The cameraman shows up with the cop, and you hear a girl standing next to the dead body going, am I on tv? And he goes, they're just following us for a documentary. She goes, oh, I'm on tv. And she starts twerking over the body. Of course she does. The dude woke up. It was a heroin thing.

[Brett Vesely]

He woke up with an ass in his face.

[John Holmberg]

It was pretty much like everybody was celebrating. And seconds earlier, they're calling, oh, my God, this man's passed out. This is terrible. But when the cameras got there, the corpse didn't matter as much as her turn in fame. Mom cheating, like, next to a dead body that they thought was dead. She started to twerk.

[Brett Vesely]

Let's lighten it up.

[John Holmberg]

And I just pointed at the TV and goes, there it is. There's the downfall of society in one frame at a time. I'm watching it. I'm literally watching the implosion of humanity.

[Brett Vesely]

Being a viral sensation over death.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. Well, the only thing that makes her a viral sensation is the corpse itself. So she took advantage of the setting. Next scene, we got a call in North Carolina. We're gonna go. Or South Carolina over there. We gotta go out. It's this weird double trailer, and everyone's yelling. The domestic violence situation. Son pulled a knife on his sister. Inside the house, there's like, what part of the country? South Carolina. They're inside this place. There's 15 people screaming and yelling. People on the porch across from screaming and yelling at each other. And the one girl sits there, and she's probably the only attractive one. I think there's like a minimum of 12 to 15 people in each trailer. They just keep pouring out like a clown. She's Ruth from Ozark, kind of. Yeah. Only. Yeah, yeah. So on the porch, the one girl's like, ah, I don't want to be on camera. What's that? And the cameraman, he's like, ah, it's a doc. They say the same thing. It's a documentary. They're just following me. Afterward, he goes, by the way, all of us have cameras on. Everything's being filmed anyway. I don't want to be on tv. Am I on tv? They're documenting us for a documentary, okay. And then a few seconds go by and that same girl just staring at the camera, just gets up, starts twerking. Like, what in the is going on in America that they just can't not do it? I gotta twerk. There's a camera. I have to. Now keep in mind there was a dude in this mix of people stabbing his sister like a minute and a half ago. Camera showed, she's over it. I gotta twerk. And it was a pretty decent twerk, I gotta be honest. But she did the full, like, not just shake your ass. Did the full bend over, grab the feet, like ass up and Megan. Thee Stallion style. That one. Yeah, yeah, the big high end one. You know, the top shelf. Yeah, the Grand Marnier of Torques.

[Brett Vesely]

We can contain it just when the Google Maps goes around. Torque away. Yeah, get on that.

[John Holmberg]

I couldn't believe what I'm seeing. If you ever feel bad about yourself, just watch OP Live. Because your life is not that bad. It is not bad at all.

[Brett Vesely]

You sure you don't have anything else on you?

[John Holmberg]

But here's the thing, though, and it's also, it's also, it's generational, it's somewhat cultural and it's education. Because never once. And I mean, there have been a couple of pickles, car wrecks. I had a friend crash her mountain bike and cut pretty badly. And when the firefighters arrived, the last thing I wanted to do was dance. The last thing on my mind was, well, right now, what you guys probably want to see while you're bandaging up my friend's arteries is me shake my ass a little bit. I think that's a thing I'm gonna do the last thing. But uneducated, incredibly poverty stricken people king. I guess they just see a dead body so often in Florida. To be fair, the Hooters thing was in Florida, they. They just twerk. It's just a thing they do.

[Brett Vesely]

10 car pile up as a dead body.

[John Holmberg]

Brady, look at it. If you and I came across a dead body and then you started to film and I'm like, what are you doing? I'm documenting this for my Instagram. Well, hold on a second. Let me shake My ass for this. We're gonna be super famous for it. That would be what Stand By Me is now. You guys want to see a dead body, and then they go stand next to it and twerk and leave? There'd be no middle. There'd be no fun. Story tonight on Twerk News, I get to see Vern over there twerking. It was insane.

[Brett Vesely]

Maybe that's how they get the local news numbers back up. All the girls are reporting and twerking.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And Vincent said, I could not have said that any better. I watched Op Live. John. Every time that a certain age of person says the words, I don't want to be on camera, within a minute of that time, they're twerking. They're doing it. They're doing a jamelio dance. They're doing a tick tock dance. They're doing something. They're all. I hate to say this to you. I think the reason the R word's gotten so unpopular is because all your kids are retarded. There isn't a single one out there that isn't. That is smart. They're. It's a. It's like a Pavlovian switch. When the camera's there, it's like, oh, somebody's filming. Well, dead body be damned. I gotta shake my ass for a second. Now, don't get me wrong. And I think twerking's old and done. I'm not a big. Apparently not. Yeah. It's still strong, evidently.

[Brett Vesely]

For the camera, at least.

[John Holmberg]

Right? I don't see a lot of that. You know, I don't know that it's as popular as it once was because I think the tick tock dances are pretty. And when Hildy would do a tick tock dance. And that's pretty, man, oh, man. You put a camera in public, just try it at home today with your dumb kid. If you've got a kid who's like 20, 21, walk around with the camera for a second and then just aim it at him. And I bet you it just like something takes over. Like, and they just start. Like when Reggie Jackson was going to kill the queen and they could. Gun. It's his watch. Once somebody switched it, you got it. Twerk over what they thought was a dead man. There's something wrong with everybody. So as soon as the cops pull up, does this song just start playing? Yeah, it was like, oh, I don't want to be on tv. I don't want to be on tv. All right, look at me go. Move that Corpse. Move that corpse. Hey, hey. Move that corpse. Twerk on his face. Twerk on his face? Yeah. Would you move, please? We're trying to revive a dead body. Put it in your face, copper. That's why you got down on your knees because you wanted this fat ass in your face. No, I got on my knees because that's where the body was. I need. I. I need to revive a man. Get some Narcan, please. Will you stop hitting me in the face with your ass cheeks? I'm Narcanning a man.

[Brett Vesely]

There's gunfire happening right now to keep.

[John Holmberg]

That's exactly what was going on in their minds. I think that's it, Brett. I think in their minds, like, oh, dead body. This is terrible. I don't know what to do.

[Brett Vesely]

That's how they deal with tragedy. Or.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, everybody. Everybody just starts twerking. Yeah, it's the worst reaction. I can't deal with so much sadness. A camera.

[Brett Vesely]

My boyfriend died.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he's been shot. He's dead, honey. He's dead. Oh, God, not that. Here, let me film your reaction. Okay. Let me get my hair right. Twerk, twerk, twerk, twerk.

[Brett Vesely]

Funerals, just twerk.

[John Holmberg]

All twerking. Paul bears are twerking. That's what it is. That was the weirdest thing I ever.

[Brett Vesely]

Twerking song there.

[John Holmberg]

That's the City Girls. Yeah, I just. I. And I laughed. I laughed really hard at it because I'm like, ah, this is great, because people just don't care anymore. And then I'm like, how sad is that? That. That. What if I fell down in front of the hooters because there's a chance that I'm gonna. The girls had these, like, weird boy shorts on, and the girl that was standing outside with dumb face, and I love dumb face more than anything in the world, was like, what's going on, Dumb face? Is that what they looked like, too? That's exactly the album cover. Good twerculator. That's what they were doing over the body. That picture you just pulled up is exactly what's happening over a corpse. But I thought to myself, if I was leaving this. This makeshift poor man's hooters, and I turned to look at the ass on the one girl in the boy shorts who had dumb face because she was really hot and hot girls can get dumb face better than anybody when they don't know what's going on. Hot girl washes over with dumb face, and it's the sexiest thing in the world because it's like, But I thought I would turn my head over my shoulder and look back and. And maybe see dumb face's ass for a second. Because I'm a man. That's what we do. We take a peek, and maybe I slip or don't see the stairs, and I fall and hit my head. And there I am dying. And the last thing I see is someone caring for me, looking up, seeing a camera, and then. Why did they start to twerk? Are they happy I'm dying?

[Brett Vesely]

You want to make it a pact if one of those drops at lunch or something like that, something happens.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I see what you're saying. For comedic needs, if either of us die in each other's arms, break the camera out and twerk over them, that you and I have that pact. That's funny. Strangers can't twerk over me. Guy says, john, we just had a. We just had a weekend honoring our most. I know. And this is what you pull out. The show of America. Oh, yeah. No, this is America. This is what they fought and died for. This is what Private Ryan was about. But when Private Ryan twerkulator, nobody twerked over his corpse and then told his parents, here's your flag, John. John. What? He says, yeah, twerk. I don't ever. I don't ever see, you know, like when the bodies come out with the flag draped over and everybody's saluting, and then the president doesn't. At the end, just over the. Over the caskets. Let me just twerk on that. Another one. You guys were talking about the airlines earlier. Do you think those airline countries have hillbillies like we do? What do you mean? I don't know.

[Brett Vesely]

Flight attendants.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, flight attendants. Like British Airways or something. The British do. The British have hillbillies? British do, yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Not that. Well, no, but not on the airlines.

[John Holmberg]

Emirates Air. Emirates. Oh, there's probably some. You think there's hillbillies in every place? They're just there. Is it? Yeah, there's a low class of what.

[Brett Vesely]

I hear that's a dream job in the airline business to be.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, sure. I'm positive that. Well, that's the high end.

[Brett Vesely]

But if you.

[John Holmberg]

Wherever their hub is, Riyadh, I don't know. Twerk Air. There's. There's a. There's a segment of people chewing on hay and spitting, and they're all go chewing on their cud.

[Brett Vesely]

There's a wt factor in every country.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, right. There's white trash Middle Easterners. Brady's. Right. And there and there ends like, you know, hasid Bob, my friend, Hasid Bob. Boy, I tell you what, you twerking over dead bodies, that's a new low. Memorial Day weekend, twerking over dead bodies. But a guy says, how dare you stop Dave Pashman twerking over Bill Wal. There's a big man has the cancer about to fall, succumb to the illness and pass on Dave Pash. I thank you for coming on my last few minutes of life. What's he doing? Why is. Why is twerking? Why is everyone so excited about this passing of a legend known as Walton? Hold still, Bill. I'll just twerk this away. He's trying to seduce me into a coma. I'll just twerk away.

[Brett Vesely]

Maybe it is my son Luke will twerk.

[John Holmberg]

Luke now comes in for his final twerking to his father. I loved you so much, Luke. It's been an amazing run. Now, do you have anything to say to your dad as he passes to the great beyond? Break it down for that Luke. Yes. Work for me, Luke. Percolate that paper scrap. Work a late Luke. Yes. Throw that ass down to the ground. I've never seen anything like that. Two straight stories. So I guess beyond a trend. Ah, that's where we are. We've trained them. You've trained all your kids to be emotionless puppets to their computer master. And God forbid a camera pops up. And I thought they didn't know about tv. You know, like, they hate like tv. They're all like, oh, we still doing that? Like young people. Don't.

[Brett Vesely]

It's on the phone.

[John Holmberg]

Tv. Camping tv. Yes, you are. Oh, good man. Dead body be damned. Look at my ass. It's weird. It is weird. I start up, no punctuation. Ah, damn it. You know what I mean? Don't twerk with your periods. That's what I'm saying. Oh, I just fixed that. Like kids trying to stay cool in a New York street, shooting that stuff all over red rain. That's what Peter Gabriel was talking. Anyway, we'll text it 97936, the word twerk. And we'll have our first qualifier today. We'll stop it at 9. Normally we're gonna start at 8 in the morning, but today, since we're starting to tell you about it, I think it's great to give you a little. Oh, we missed a day. So we're giving you a little bonus. You're right. Should have been little head start. You're right. Give you a 30 minute head start. How about that? So, yeah, the pool table, the ping pong table. Here's the thing about it all, okay, man, that Brett's got it too. And Brett's used to a corpse. He probably twerks over all of his. I don't know. I don't go there. I gotta say, I'm not a mortician or anything, so it's okay. But when the song comes on you. You do kind of start twerking, start wanting to go money make. I'm shockingly good at the twerk. Cuz I've got a fat ass. Wow. And new hips. Well, the hips are gold. I haven't twerked. I probably have twerked with the new hips and haven't thought about it. I don't even think about it anymore.

[Brett Vesely]

Think spark. It's just reflexive.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I've got a very high up. I've got kind of a black guy butt kind of sits up. I'd be a good twerker. Not like that girl this weekend, though. But yeah. If you hear the phrase on OP Live, it's a drinking game. I don't want to be on camera. If you hear that from somebody who's not even the focus of why the police are there, there's background noise. Hey, what's this camera doing? They're not on it. They just see it. I don't want to be on tv. We're not here for you, ma' am. I don't want to be on tv. Cameraman swings. Hey, hey. They can't help themselves the second that camera's pointed at you. Keep that away from me now. I sue you. What? This camera right here, it's impossible to not do.

[Brett Vesely]

Turns you into a twerculator.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you twerkulate. You can't help it. God damn it. Things got some sort of hypnotic power over me. Aim it at me. And I'm like, hey, look out. Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station ideas the rest of Holmberg's Morning Sickness. This is the Big Red Radio. It's John Holmberg here, and thank you for listening to the best of holmberg's morning sickness. 2024 in the books doesn't mean you can stop taking care of yourself. You have to forge forward into the new year and don't do it with resolutions or silliness. For crying out loud. Call my [e-mail]. you got a couple more days to take advantage of their amazing deal Holmberg and train. Get you two months of training for 199 bucks. Turn you into a sheepdog, keep you from being a sheep reactdefense.com. it's the home of Tactical Black Rerun Brady. Entertain me. I'm still trying to figure out why I said next. Next Plan On Right. Next plan. And next. How the hell do you say it? I don't want. I don't like being. I don't like words. I don't know. Stop. And it's just spelled out that Brady would say it the same way. Next Planning. And he knows words. How would you say that? Brady Nex. P L A N O N. Next.

[Brett Vesely]

Planon.

[John Holmberg]

Next. Planon. Next Planning. That's what I'm saying, jackass. Me bounce off every wall in this building. And I don't know what it is either. But Melissa just got something. She was really happy. Next planet or same thing. John, look that up for me. Have. Have Siri pronounce it. I need to know my. My lady meds. Yeah. Anyway. And I didn't know that Stu. Well, that's really bad for you though, also. You want to talk about that? They say that stuff like oh, the jello and the lemon juice and the ibuprofen might be bad for you. You know what's really bad for you? That thing that stops your period for three years doctors say is okay, that costs a few bucks. Nothing about shutting your system down is good for you. Causes all sorts of health problems. The fair thing to do is have the lady on her birth control for 10 years. And then right before her organs start to rot out from all the medicine that's just torn her apart, she gets to come off of that stuff and you go get your balls cut. Because if you're against kids that much, you know, shouldn't. It should be naturally done. Which is the way Brett and I did it. Yep. Which is a little Asian guy drilling a hole in your nut sack. And then John Gordon did too. Drilling a hole in your nut sack and then cauterizing the lines. Yeah, Larry, that's right. This is a room full. Brady should have done it. It's his idea to start. You're the one who introduced us to Dr. Lyn saying you were going to do it and then you didn't. Cuz Brady wants to be 85 like Tony Randall and put a baby in some broad checkout like Pacino's doing in Tenero. Wouldn't that be the worst? Having a kid? Yes. Lift one past the goalie now.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, fantastic.

[John Holmberg]

You would want a baby for real.

[Brett Vesely]

No, I'm good.

[John Holmberg]

If Ronnie came to you and said, hey, I thought it was over, but it's not. Oh, well, I'll have another kid.

[Brett Vesely]

All are welcome.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, God. Just gonna need helmets for them. When you told me, hey, we're having a kid, I mean, I would. I don't think I could. Rolf Banerka those nuts. Harder. Kick you square in the balls. What are you thinking? Oh, I can't imagine. I don't want that to happen. Go get him Cut. Anyway, vasectomies are the way. Next plan on, next plane on. Yeah, she said it's pronounced next plane on. You got it at the end. That's what I said, isn't it? I don't know. Not my fault you guys have vagina medicine. There's no medicine for a dick as there. Just Viagra. Just to make it better. Yeah. Yeah. There's only make our. Yeah, yours has to shut down all the gross. We don't have any pills. One for. What's the one where it makes Peron's disease the other one that makes you go sideways? I want Peyronie's disease.

[Brett Vesely]

What?

[John Holmberg]

I want a question mark for a penis. Yeah. I want to. I want to. I want to peek around edges.

[Brett Vesely]

How would you tackle yourself at that.

[John Holmberg]

Point with a curve?

[Brett Vesely]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's like scooping. It's like taping a hockey stick. Get around the edge, man.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

It's not big enough to be a problem. It's not like I'm sitting there working with it. Depends on the size of the curve, square footage. It's just my hand will slide around an edge. Do you ever rub a side of a counter? Watch. It's just like doing this. There you go. Smooth edge. If it's at a 90 degree angle. Big curve you got there. I'm proud of it. If it was like it was 90 degrees like A.

[Brett Vesely]

Then there might be a little trouble.

[John Holmberg]

That would be harder. I kind of. I think the Peroni's disease drawings are like. I want one of those like in porn when the guy's got the upside down erection. Yeah, the ones that point down.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Fascinating. Is that a problem or they don't have a ligament or something?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, they clip. I hear they clip the ligament there and it takes.

[John Holmberg]

They clip it on purpose?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. Because.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Why?

[Brett Vesely]

Because it says. No, they say because you're taking. It takes the curve out.

[John Holmberg]

No, it adds more curve down. You've seen what I'm talking about.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, like, the ligament's not supporting it.

[John Holmberg]

Huh. It just looks like. It looks like a. Like a hose bib that you didn't spin all the Way around. It's going the wrong way. It's the same shape like this, Only it's like this.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, I've seen them one where it didn't have the curve just then.

[John Holmberg]

It would be straight out.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, straight out.

[John Holmberg]

But that's what I'm not talking about. I'm talking about the ones that curve down. Those are cool. And you've heard of people who clip the ligament?

[Brett Vesely]

That guy?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

I read something one time. A guy thinks he by doing that, and the doctors are saying, no, do not do.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, don't clip your penis later on your own. Least that's a bad idea. But what you can do to get that curve out is a little jello powder, some lemon juice, and ibuprofen. It works for men, too. I'll go home and try it myself. That's how much I trust this system. We need to have Dr. Lynn in one day to school us on all this. Too busy just cutting nuts out. Let's do a remote from his place. People are like, you know what else shuts it down? Fentanyl. Ladies, give it a try. That'll close your mouth too. Oh, good Lord. Thanks to Google. AI Yes. Cutting the suspensory ligament, also known as ligamentolysis, can make a flaccid penis appear longer by up to 2 cm. Flaccid penis longer by up to 2 cm. Who needs that? What am I doing with my flaccid penis? Being big says. But it doesn't actually change the penis's length. I don't need my flaccid penis to be more impressive. This ligament attaches the penis to the pubic bone, and during the procedure, the surgeon will sever it and move skin from the abdomen to the shaft of the penis. I'm tapping out on that. You're the UFC champ. I tapped out the penis then lays closer to the body at a more obtuse angle, making it appear longer when it's useless. So just. You're impressive when you pee. Yeah, apparently. Well. Or you get your dangler into the water like you're nuts. I sit to pee. Nobody's looking at this. Be like the guy at the bathroom. Hold on. Move out of the way. Look out now. Oh, you've cut the ligament, I see. Yes, I did. I regrets that. I'll never forget that guy.

[Brett Vesely]

We got another great thing that came out of the debates last night. Bryson D. Shambeau is going. He offered to host Joe Biden and Donald Trump in a golf match on his YouTube channel. He says, I'll pay for everything.

[John Holmberg]

It's all covered. And that's really what came out of the debate was like when Biden said he could out drive Trump. We all shook our heads like, don't. Don't get into feats of strength, Joe.

[Brett Vesely]

Then it got specific. You can't carry a bag.

[John Holmberg]

I carry a bag. No, you can't carry on bag. I get that. That was some school yard stuff right there. I beat you by 50 yards in the end. Okay, let's not act like children, Joe. It's your second childhood for him to say that. You know, I know you're having your Alzheimer's second childhood right now, but let's not act like kids and let's not get into feats of strength. You're a piece of paper. Let's be honest. I could be sorry right there. Look at my golf clubs. I'm gonna get my clothes. I'm 50 yards. 50R. Yeah, you would have beat me by 50 yards. And then how long's it gonna take for you to walk to a ball you've hit? 50 yards. My guess is Joe's gonna have to hold your hand and you gotta walk about 50 yards. And you're gonna need a nap and a Sammy, I beat you. I'm an 80. Calf grenade gave me a very weak voice. I hit a bull. 3,000 yards. Says he gets 3,000 yards. He doesn't know what he's talking about.

[Brett Vesely]

Trump would snap. It's five minutes to line up this putt.

[John Holmberg]

How long are you gonna stand over it? There's a peach. Joe.

[Brett Vesely]

Chills his caddy.

[John Holmberg]

Great shot, Joe. All right, it's eight feet in front of you. Take the long, long walk. The trail of tears. I call it to your ball, which should take about a year. Hey, we're almost done with hole one, and we've been playing for three hours. Joe's really cooking 50 bucks.

[Brett Vesely]

Trump eats it.

[John Holmberg]

Trump starts picking his. You want to smoke a little weed, Joe? It's good stuff. I got it from a negro. That's Obama's weed. I told you. My elbow.

[Brett Vesely]

I think I injured arm.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, let's party. It plays the Journey. It's all Caddysack. 50 grand says you missed this putt. Joe, you're on. All right, go ahead.

[Brett Vesely]

The dude from the Bear. Jeremy Alan White is portraying Bruce Springsteen in an upcoming biopic.

[John Holmberg]

That'll work.

[Brett Vesely]

And he says he's gonna sing all the songs, so.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know about that.

[Brett Vesely]

He's working on it and says we're gonna give it our best try. He hasn't met the boss yet.

[John Holmberg]

Movie about him. All right. I don't know. Taryn Edgerton did a pretty good job at Elton John, but I still wanted to hear the Elton songs. Did he sing them? Yeah. I didn't know that. I didn't watch that movie. It was so gay looking. Like, even for me, real gay.

[Brett Vesely]

Here's some famous songs written about celebrities.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. You're so Vain.

[Brett Vesely]

Didn't even put that one in the top 10, basically. Or the 10 that they listed.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brett Vesely]

Dude looks like a lady.

[John Holmberg]

Michael Jackson.

[Brett Vesely]

Aerosmith. Nope, it was a Motley Crue singer. Vince Neil.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Vince Neil.

[Brett Vesely]

Your body is a Wonderland.

[John Holmberg]

I didn't know. Jessica Simpson.

[Brett Vesely]

No. Oh, they're saying Jennifer Love Hewitt. It's not confirmed, but that's where all of me. John Legend.

[John Holmberg]

That's Tegan. Yeah. Yuck.

[Brett Vesely]

Bad Blood. Tay Tay Swift.

[John Holmberg]

Bad Blood is about Scooter Braun. No. Is. Is it about Scooter Braun? No, it's about that boy that. I don't know his name, but he's not a boy.

[Brett Vesely]

Katy Perry.

[John Holmberg]

Oh. Ooh, I didn't know that.

[Brett Vesely]

And then another Tay Tay. Famous Kanye West.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And Kim Kardashian. They're in a fight about that. Kim Kardashian won't let that go.

[Brett Vesely]

Cry Me a River by Justin Timberland. Brittany Flowers by Miley Cyrus.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's about. I forgot the guy's name.

[Brett Vesely]

Liam.

[John Holmberg]

Liam. That's right.

[Brett Vesely]

Liam Hemsworth about it.

[John Holmberg]

And the rock. There's no rock song.

[Brett Vesely]

No. Yeah, that's it. Candle in the Wind double. Originally Marilyn Monroe.

[John Holmberg]

Diana Ross. Diana.

[Brett Vesely]

And then Princess.

[John Holmberg]

Princess Diana Ross, as I always used to call her. You didn't know her middle name?

[Brett Vesely]

I didn't.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Just Princess Diana Ross. She's not coming up, though. She's staying down for good. The original is a Norma Jean. Goodbye, Norma Jean. There is jealousy. Powerful, powerful rock radio station.