07-03-25 - FULL SHOW - THURSDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD - BO

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona: Episode Summary (07-03-25)

Release Date: July 3, 2025

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1. Introduction and Initial Discussions [01:09 - 05:30]

John Holmberg kicks off the episode by delving into a controversial incident involving Caitlin Clark. A barista wrote "Giselle, you're very pretty" on her coffee cup, which Clark interpreted as akin to sexual assault. This sparked a heated debate on social media about the boundaries of compliments and harassment.

“If you call a woman pretty is akin to sexual assault, gays, you might have... I'm going in, I'm going in the back door.”
— John Holmberg [04:15]

Holmberg critiques Clark’s reaction, arguing that genuine compliments should not be misconstrued, especially when offered without malicious intent. He emphasizes the importance of self-awareness in social interactions.

“How is this duplication? You're going nowhere. They're gonna turn us around.”
— John Holmberg [04:50]

2. The Decline of Practical Jokes [05:30 - 16:20]

The conversation shifts to the evolution of practical jokes, with both Holmberg and Brady Bogen lamenting the decline of harmless pranks in modern workplaces. They reminisce about past experiences where pranks were a rite of passage but acknowledge the increasing risks of emotional distress and legal repercussions.

“Practical jokes are dead and they're so fun.”
— John Holmberg [14:52]

They share anecdotes, such as the “nuke podcast” prank, where they simulated a nuclear attack scenario to prank a coworker. While humorous in hindsight, they recognize the potential harm such jokes can cause.

3. Exploring Throuple Relationships [16:20 - 34:49]

Holmberg and Bogen dive into the concept of throuples—romantic relationships involving three people. They discuss the financial and social dynamics, suggesting that communal living could alleviate economic pressures but also highlighting the complexities of shared responsibilities.

“Thruffling seemed like a good idea, but they were sharing bills. Seems like it all came down to that.”
— John Holmberg [24:25]

The hosts humorously speculate on the challenges of maintaining harmony within a throuple, such as dividing household chores and personal space, ultimately questioning the feasibility of such arrangements.

4. Anecdotes on Office Pranks and Boundaries [34:49 - 72:43]

The duo recount various office prank stories, illustrating how modern sensitivities have made it difficult to execute even light-hearted jokes without causing offense. They discuss a British office prank where a fake podcast about a nuclear attack led to genuine distress for a new employee, resulting in legal consequences.

“That's one of those jokes. It's like that... Once you get Attached to that word at all. You are out on society.”
— John Holmberg [84:25]

They emphasize the thin line between humor and harassment, acknowledging that what was once considered funny can now be seen as inappropriate or harmful.

5. Current Events and News Segments [73:00 - 140:50]

While much of the episode focuses on personal anecdotes and humor, Holmberg and Bogen touch upon various current events:

• Valley Chevy July 4th Event Advertisement: Repeated promotions for Valley Chevy dealers and their Fourth of July offers.

• Animal Rescue Spotlight: Brief mentions of adopting pets like Chai and Noah from Lost Our Home Pet Rescue, sponsored by TurfMonstersAZ.com.

• Brady Report: Brady Bogen delivers quirky news snippets, including:

  • A man in Anderson, South Carolina, mistakenly handled discovered human remains by placing them in a Goodwill box before notifying authorities.

  • Cup Noodles introducing a fugu (pufferfish) flavor, noting the high risk of poisoning if not prepared correctly.

  • A New Zealand woman suing her boyfriend for failing to drive her to the airport, illustrating the pitfalls of informal agreements in relationships.

“Never take bones that you see. Human bones.”
— John Holmberg [09:38]

These segments blend humor with commentary, often highlighting the absurdities in everyday news.

6. Controversial Discussions and Personal Opinions [72:43 - 144:36]

Holmberg and Bogen engage in heated discussions on sensitive topics, including:

• Violence and Self-Defense: Debating appropriate reactions to threats, especially involving children. Holmberg advocates for proactive defense, while emphasizing the complexities surrounding consent and intent.

• Veganism and Social Etiquette: Critiquing a vegan restaurant’s policy banning children under five and public breastfeeding, questioning the practicality and fairness of such rules.

• Travel Trends: Discussing “destination dupes,” where people seek cheaper alternatives to popular vacation spots, and mocking the idea’s feasibility.

• Practical Joke Ethics: Reflecting on the impact of pranks that cross ethical boundaries, such as fake suicide threats or invasive jokes about personal safety.

“You have to know you're handsome, like you have to be.”
— John Holmberg [05:34]

Their candid and often provocative exchanges highlight the tension between humor and modern societal norms.

7. Conclusion and Final Thoughts [144:36 - End]

In the closing segments, Holmberg and Bogen continue to share personal stories and reflections on past pranks, reinforcing their nostalgic view of a bygone era where jokes were simpler and more universally accepted. They express a desire to revive certain types of humor while acknowledging the need for greater sensitivity.

“Java's not worth the poison, dude.”
— John Holmberg [56:12]

The episode wraps up with a light-hearted list of the "50 greatest power ballads in rock history," blending entertainment with their signature humor.

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Notable Quotes

• “If you call a woman pretty is akin to sexual assault, gays, you might have..."
  — John Holmberg [04:15]

• “Practical jokes are dead and they're so fun.”
  — John Holmberg [14:52]

• “Thruffling seemed like a good idea, but they were sharing bills. Seems like it all came down to that.”
  — John Holmberg [24:25]

• “That's one of those jokes. It's like that... Once you get Attached to that word at all. You are out on society.”
  — John Holmberg [84:25]

• “Never take bones that you see. Human bones.”
  — John Holmberg [09:38]

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Key Insights and Themes

• Changing Social Norms: The episode underscores the evolving perceptions of what constitutes acceptable behavior, especially in social interactions and workplace dynamics.

• Humor vs. Harm: Holmberg and Bogen explore the delicate balance between humor and causing unintended emotional distress, highlighting the potential consequences of insensitive jokes.

• Nostalgia for Simpler Times: There is a clear longing for an era where practical jokes were more benign and universally appreciated, free from the complexities of modern sensitivities.

• Critical View of Modern Policies: Through discussions on vegan restaurant policies and relationship dynamics, the hosts critique what they perceive as overreaching rules that stifle personal freedom and social interactions.

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Conclusion

Holmberg's Morning Sickness episode from July 3, 2025, offers a blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and controversial discussions. While aiming to entertain, the hosts provoke thought on the boundaries of social interactions and the decline of traditional humor in contemporary society. This episode is a reflection of their unapologetic style, pushing listeners to reconsider the complexities of modern etiquette and the essence of camaraderie in the workplace.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. It's John Holmberg here from the morning sickness time once again to talk to you about this week's pick of the litter. Lost our home pet rescue is where I go and I got to say thanks to our friends at Turf Monsters AZ.com this week we're going to focus once again on Chai and Noah, a little bonded pair. They're adorable three and five year old little terrier mix type dogs. You got to see them. They're best friends and they will make your house better. They like other dogs too, so it's a perfect match. They wear those adoption fees. If Chai and Noah are right for you, they're this week's pick of the litter brought to you by turfmonstersaz.com this.

[Brady]

Fourth of July celebrate family fun and the freedom to save with your Valley Chevy dealers. It all starts with spectacular offers available now at the Valley Chevy July 4th event. You'll have the freedom to choose from an extensive lineup ready for all adventures ahead, including popular models like the legendary Silverado with four powerful engine choices.

[John Holmberg]

The Road trip ready Equinox blending first.

[Brady]

Class comfort with intuitive tech and and the feature packed Chevy tract with undeniable value. No matter how you celebrate the 4th of July, it's always better in a Chevy. But don't miss out. Visit a Valley Chevy dealer near you today.

[John Holmberg]

Do not listen to this while driving or when full alertness is needed. The rest of Hombre's Morning sickness. This is the big red radio. And another thing we gotta stop. We talked about it yesterday. The Caitlin Clark guy, he wrote his whole article yesterday in the Indiana Indianapolis Star, Daily Star, whatever. The newspaper and website is apologizing to Caitlin Clark for what he did, which just make her heart symbol back to her and say if you do this to me, we're gonna be friends now. He was called a predator. They've called for his job. Everybody wants him to die in Indianapolis. That's, you know, all these crazy people. And he wrote this gigantic article and basically became, you know, some guy emailed me yesterday and said I'll never make fun of Toledo again because I've never seen a cuck worse than the dude in Indianapolis that just caved into the one instead of just saying I didn't mean anything by it. I had no malicious intent and I was, you guys are making nothing. This is, this is a thing that shouldn't be. But he Caved in, apologized, said, I'm part of the problem. I was, I have to be better. And all he did was be nice to a girl. That was it. He was nice to someone. Caitlin Clark never said she was upset. And so bleeds over into another thing where a guy, a girl who. Her Instagram page is all just her with her little piece symbol up, doing poses, trying to look cute. She wants to be pretty. She's got her whole Instagram page based on her filtered pictures of how pretty she is. Her cans are out. It's all about her looks at her Starbucks. The guy wrote on her cup, gisele, you're very pretty. She went online and said that it was akin to sexual assault. She can't believe someone would do this. She just started to flame the guy instead of just looking at him and going, I don't like that you wrote this. Please don't do that again. She didn't go to him. She said, I was harassed by the barista. I can't believe this happened. I can't even go to this coffee place anymore because I feel like I'm being lured at. And yet you go to her Instagram page and this chick is all about being lured at. She loves the attention for being cute. In fact, so much so she's got her own Instagram name for her cute pictures versus her everyday ones. She's Giselle there, but she's, her name is. Her actual name is Kenya, but she's got Giselle, her alter ego, the sexy one who doesn't. But by the way, she hates being lured at. And all the guy was doing was coming on to her. He was taking a chance, he's taking a swing, saying, you know what? You're a very pretty lady. If calling a woman pretty is akin to sexual assault, gays, you might have. I think you figured it all out. I'm going in, I'm going in the back door. You look very pretty as sexual assault now. Well, not from someone I don't want it from. And again, it comes back to, we're not supposed to judge anybody on how they look, but if an ugly guy tells you you're pretty, he might lose his job. And this comes from an ugly. But what happens if a, if a gay guy tells her she looks pretty, that's okay. Yeah. I don't know. Oh, yeah. I guess it's kind of a double edged sword at that point. It has to be from the. It's not bad to say they're pretty. It just depends on who you are. And it's self awareness. If you're ugly, you can't go writing things like that on somebody's coffee cup. If, like, if I were to write, you look very pretty, I'm probably going to lose my job. I can't. Momoa walked in and wrote it on the cup. I'm nervous about saying that to people. Like, the other day there was a girl here. I'm not gonna say who it is, just so I don't get fired, but she had Holmberg's morning sickness shirt on. And I said, my God, I've never realized how beautiful you are. Like, joking about how great it is to have my face on a shirt. I'm like, you've never looked better in your life. This is the prettiest you've ever been. Laugh, laugh, laugh. And then I'm like, oh, oh. And my mind was like, this could get. This could have gone sideways if she didn't get the joke. She got it. I mean, I was not too worried about it, but it was funny to me to like, to make the joke. And then I'm like, did I just imply. And my head started to spin. Did I just imply to her that on other days I don't think she's good looking at all without me, she's ugly. Did I just do that? Because that's not the case. Then I'm like, oh, boy, you never know. Frankly, I don't care.

[Brady]

You're better off saying that. You know what? I think you're ugly. Here's your drink.

[John Holmberg]

Right? Nice try with the face today. Poof. Back in the barn. Yeah, you're better off just saying. You are disgusting to me visually here. Well, this is not right. Well, I. What do you want me to do? I find you completely. Why did you have to say anything? I didn't.

[Brady]

Why we gotta have robot baristas?

[John Holmberg]

That's exactly right. Human interactions becoming a problem when you find someone attract. Wow. In the olden days that used to it. Watch the beginning of Harry When Harry met Sally. I watched the beginning of that a few days ago, not knowing the Caitlin Clark thing was gonna explode. And a guy saying nice things to a girl not even hitting on. I didn't even consider him hitting on. Just being nice would be considered a rape. The beginning of When Harry met Sally. And all throughout they have little vignettes of people and how they met. All of them are rape in 2024. All of them. Oh, he was so persistent. I said no 100 times. He just kept asking. Rape. 2024, rape. But. But back in that movie, it's all romance and the guy just wouldn't give up. She was the one and then the other and then the woman that she would. Yeah, you win her over. She. She was like. I was. I was. The one is dating someone else. I was. And he just kept coming around. He was. That's kind of a dick move on its own. But then. But today it's rape. Rape. Everything about When Harry Met Sally was raped. It's a classic. All the movies that are classic romantic movies. Rape. 2024. Rape. He said, my God, you're the most beautiful woman I've ever met. Well, that's rape. What? What happened? I thought I saw this in a movie. No. Rape. You're raping me. You're raping my. You're raping my space. I am. I don't find you attractive. You didn't know that. So when you told me I was attractive, that was rape. Because you're ugly. Oh, Jesus. Don't take a chance, boys. You have to know you're handsome, like you have to be. 9 out of 10. Can't tell people they're pretty anymore. Looking like me, for good God's sake. If I walked up to a woman I didn't know and said, you might be the prettiest woman I've ever met, I'd be in handcuffs. I'd be smashed up against a police car. Howdy. Where do you get off? I don't know. I thought she was pretty. It's weird. It's a weird world. But the barista gave it a try.

[Brady]

You have beautiful earlobes.

[John Holmberg]

That's creepy. No. I would throw you up against the police car for that. Yeah, don't. Just don't. They're too touching.

[Brady]

You have a beautiful day.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. What do you mean? Why wouldn't I just. If it was rape, Frank rape. I need an adult. Well, I just told her to have a beautiful day. What are you. No. Why are you judging? The day's beauty got to stop. It's got to end somewhere. And you know where it's going to end. And I think this is actually good. A few years ago, I was against it. My friend would argue. If we allow gays to get married, then what next? And we're not going to have kids. And it won't. The population won't continue to thrive. Well, maybe that's the right way to go. Maybe we just kind of breed out. Maybe the gays have it figured out. No more. No more. Procreation is the future. And the only way to guarantee that is his butts. Yeah, but doesn't mean you got to go gay guilter. Lynn is there. But again, then you got to start hitting on girls. You could. You can be vasectimized and still go to jail. And lose your job. Take my chances. I'm not riding around the chocolate LeBaron. But the ironic part is you go to jail and you're going to be gay. It's just a worse. It's a cycle.

[Brady]

Did anything happen to this barista or the drink guy?

[John Holmberg]

A lot of people came to his defense. So far, no.

[Brady]

I think he.

[John Holmberg]

So far, no. But how dare you go on Facebook and Instagram and put up cute pictures of yourself just for the heart emojis or you look hot or fire or whatever else. And then when a guy finally says, my God, you're beautiful. And what's rare is that you get a. You're beautiful in person. Because most of the time online, you're beautiful because the computer made you beautiful. The filters helped out people. See, in person. It's gross. But he wrote it on his cup thinking, you know what? I'm gonna take a chance at this one. I find her attractive. She's a beautiful girl. But you're a barista. You're not what she's after. You don't have any money.

[Brady]

I gotta be honest with you. You're not as good as you are in your picture.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Write that on her cup. Senior website wouldn't recognize you with all those filters. Not good. Six out of ten. That's what we should do. The barista should write four on your cup. Aw, he thought I was a fool. We should go overboard and immediately judge people.

[Brady]

We'll get competitive.

[John Holmberg]

Yep. And then everybody will try a little hard. Whenever you look in the mirror, truly and honestly, assess where you are and recognize. Like I did a long time ago. If your face can get you fired. My face can get me fired. If I spew out any compliments for the wrong person. Just. It's just. It's a truth. It's a fact. If I tell a pretty girl at work, you look beautiful, she looks at me and says, did Squidward just rape me? I'm done. Cause I can't go on TV and go. All I did was say, like, look at that guy. Ugh. You wouldn't want him coming onto you. I know he means a different. He means something. He's gonna do something awful. Look at his face. I'm aware of it. So I just leer at you from a distance and then fantasize at home. The creepy thing I do is take mental pictures of you without saying a wor. And then masturbate to those later in the bathroom. I ain't saying anything to you. You made us creepier. So look in the mirror this morning and go, I'm good looking enough to try or I shouldn't say anything to anyone. Now some people come to work and look fantastic. Not allowed to tell them anymore. End up sitting in HR going, here's some paperwork. Here's your severance back. What did I do? You thought Jill's pants looked nice. Oh, look, they did. Mmm. You're not supposed to notice that. O so what? What did I do wrong? Well, you told her she looked nice. You son of a. Get out of a. Get out of here. Oh, I got tossed. I just got tossed. I got umped out of the multi purpose. Oh, I thought I was. HR wants to talk to you. It isn't one of those moments where, yeah, you're out of here. Damn it. I got fired today. Told the woman she looked nice. Why would you do that? Think of that. If you told someone that I got fired. I told the lady she was pretty. Why would you even do that? Like your friends would be like, why would you. What's wrong with you? Like that's a bad thing now? I don't know. That's creating it all. Being gay. I never hear this in a gay. Never have I ever heard a guy go to Gloria Allred and say that a dude at his work said he looked hot in his jeans. You know what that usually leads to? Bathroom stall sex. Those dudes have it figured out. Hey, Carl. Yes? Nice ass. Meet you in the stall. Let's get back to work. They've got it figured out. Never have I seen a guy crying on the news. Cause another guy told him he had a nice ass. I just went up to Carl. I know he's a homosexual. And I told him I wanted to in the bottom. We went to the bathroom, we had sex. You want him fired? Hell no. I want him to come back tomorrow morning early.

[Brady]

Promoted.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, well, Carl told him he has a nice ass. Again, never, ladies. Ever. Even the weakest, most vulnerable gay. If Brett walked up to him today here at work and said, hey, not for nothing, nice ass.

[Brady]

I like those.

[John Holmberg]

George going in the stall with you, he'd probably take his pants off. Let's just get this over with now. No guys have that. I could tell Brett that today. Hey, Brett, I know we're not gay and stuff, but your ass looks great. In those jeans, Brett's not going to Gloria Allred and getting me fired. Thanks, Twink. Appreciate that. Right? He's gonna hit me back with him. And we moved on. But God forbid you tell you as an ugly guy, and we're not even talking about something as crass as Nice Ass. I mean, hey, Nice Ass. Ah, this guy's gotta go. We're just saying you look beautiful. You're a beautiful person. You know that, right? I could go to my neighbors right now. Right now. Michael Troy, Nice Asses. We're going right to town on it. They got it figured out. Ladies, you're pushing us all that direction.

[Brady]

That's what was going on at all those Diddy parties. Evidently, he's knee deep into Carl Winslow.

[John Holmberg]

He banged? Yes. Reggie Vel Johnson.

[Brady]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I didn't know that, but. And who told?

[Brady]

According to this guy that was talking on $0.50 podcast yesterday, he goes, I'm making this up. I'm at a party, kick down a door, head swings around. That's Carl Winslow. And Diddy is.

[John Holmberg]

Diddy is banging.

[Brady]

Going to town.

[John Holmberg]

Urkel's neighbor, the cop from Die Hard, he couldn't find.

[Brady]

And then I thought about couldn't find.

[John Holmberg]

Someone better than that. I was gonna say, I would never tell him he has a nice ass. Why isn't he going after Denzel or something like that? I mean, you're gonna do it here, being women. That's a rape. Chatty, ugly man. Reggie Vell and P. Diddy. You're making me picture that. And Diddy's the top.

[Brady]

I go in there, and he's wearing out Carl Winslow.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, with the diet Reggieville Johnson had, you're pulling out brats and sauces and soups and rust butt. Nobody that big has a clean ass. Yuck. They eat too many. Every time Reggie Vel Johnson poops, he goes back to clean himself. And the next phrase out of his mouth has to be, oh, this is gonna take forever. He makes thigh messes. Nobody should have sex with Reggie VelJohnson that way. No. And if you see it, you die with that. You take that to the grave. Hey, Reggieville Johnson, you got a nice ass. All right, follow me. You don't even fit in a bathroom stall to make. Well, thanks for that, Brady. Another Brady detour in the midst of.

[Brady]

The story, it all goes away tomorrow, right?

[John Holmberg]

Shoehorn that one in there again. If you're tired of thinking of P. Diddy Butt, the guy from Family Matters, come to the zoo with me tomorrow. Yeah, thanks for that anyway. No more compliments, no more giving people smiles or nice things again. Just don't be nice to anyone anymore. That's the key, Said John. Listening to how your world works makes me so glad I'm a gay man. Being straight sounds scary and complicated and the rules are changing on you all the time. Just be gay. It's tempting. Nathan. Email me back if a guy at work told you. Nice ass, Nathan. How fast would you two usain bolt right into the men's room and start? It would be so quick. Or you'd just be like, thank you. That's nice, Kevin. I appreciate that. I told Nathan he's got a nice ass today. That's great, Kevin. Good for you.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yep. I think I'm gonna get a bej before work's over.

[Brady]

They're playing hard to get is so much different.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's just. You gotta tackle him. It's like a breakaway run in the football. Oh, God. He's on me. Oh. Oh. Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.

[Brady]

This fourth of July celebrate family fun and the freedom to save with your Valley Chevy dealers. It all starts with spectacular offers available now at the Valley Chevy July 4th event. You'll have the freedom to choose from an extensive lineup ready for all adventures ahead, including popular models like the legendary Silverado. With four powerful engine choices.

[John Holmberg]

The road trip ready Equinox blending first.

[Brady]

Class comfort with intuitive tech. And the feature packed Chevy tracks with undeniable value. No matter how you celebrate the 4th of July, it's always better in a Chevy. But don't miss out. Visit a Valley Chevy dealer near you today.

[John Holmberg]

It's John Holberg here and it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of my home group and Doug Hopkins.com if I told you I had an idea for a project and said to you, in order to finish the project, We've got about 10 steps to go through and. And seven or eight of them are time consuming and could ruin the entire thing. Doug Hopkins, he offers you cash for your home as is right now, and that process is over. He doesn't change that price or you get $5,000 guaranteed. Your house is sold. Start the process online right now@doug hopkins.com or grab that phone and sing Hopkins. 1-800-sale- now. The best of the Morning Sickness is on the air at kupd. Do any of you people do any actual work? The Best of Homburg's Morning Sickness. That's brutal. And then Friday, I'm driving up to Sedona and there was some Sort of accident. So I was, I sat in the car by myself just listening to at the time, dua lipa. Which wasn't a bad thing. One hour and 12 minutes while you were doing it. Yeah, I thought about it, actually, I really did. I'm like, you know what I could do to relieve some of this frustration? Give a roadie tug. And then I'd laugh like, nah. Hour and 10 minutes. I don't mind that stuff because it's just somebody's misfortune ahead of me. I'm sitting there by bumblebee, just packed in this thing. Guy in front of me gets out of his car and walks over. And I don't know why people feel that this is a thing, but it's just heard they're gonna turn us around. Like from what I got a friend at ADOT says this, I'm like, no kidding? So you've been making some phone calls. How do you suppose they turn us around? There are no other lanes going the other way. The other side of the freeway is like through that dirt field over. They can't even see it.

[Brady]

Well, you see, everyone reverses, right?

[John Holmberg]

And I'm like, turn us around back into oncoming traffic. Or that's what they were saying. This thing's gonna be closed up all night long. No kidding. The fatality looks like it. Like, all right, I turned my car off and he's walking from.

[Brady]

He's.

[John Holmberg]

He's now the messenger of stupid. Walking all the way down, telling all the other cars that I've got this figured out. I'm the General. I'm the General. I got it all fit. And no. Hour and 10 minutes later, and I was, I have to say, wildly disappointed that it wasn't one of Brett's videos that I ended up passing. When I finally got moving, it was just a couple of cars banging into each other. And they couldn't get them off the road. They had to scoot them over to the side and somehow they do it. I was sitting there between two mountain like buttes. There's no turning around. There was nowhere to go. They're gonna turn us around. Okay, what are they gonna hover in with some helicopters and turn all our cars around with cranes? You moron, get back in your car. Nothing worse than. Than that, you know?

[Brady]

Yes, I was wrong about that one.

[John Holmberg]

Just a fat, dopey middle aged guy decided, I'll tell the others. And he's walking towards my car. I'm like, oh no, he's gonna want to be friends. I'm technically Road neighbors with this guy. How you doing? Got a friend today, Dot and a cousin. Okay, cool. I have the Internet and it just says it's going to be clogged up for a minute. Temporarily closing all the entrances and exits to what? We're on the. There's none. We're not even New York City, you idiot. Thanks for the misinformation. Bye. See you cnn. Have a nice day.

[Brady]

Don't forget about the Christmas tree on the way home.

[John Holmberg]

That's in the.

[Brady]

Right, in the middle.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you should work at Huffington Post. Everything you just said was wrong. Bye. But yeah, you had to take. I'm watching him just motor back. But it did give me a chance to. To do a little. I've not done this in my life. I decided to listen to what was a British podcast from one of the websites that I go to all the time for like information and stuff. And it was. It was on the benefits of throttling the new. They think that's. Yeah, yeah, that's what I said. I'm like, how do you get two women and you're happier? That doesn't make sense to me. As you get older, that college dream of two chicks sounds horrible. As you get older, you start realizing, I wish I was gay. That's the difference. When you're 22, you're like, I want chicks everywhere. I date like five. I'll have a harem. You're 30. You're like, maybe threesomes in order. I might try that before I die. In your 40s, you're like, I'll stick to this one. And then 50. And you're like, nobody's going to get along. This is crazy. This is nuts. Where's my buddies? But thruffling so basically this, this girl had two guys and just railing her like crazy. She said, and the reason my sexual appetite is the problem. No one man can satisfy me. And it's in this podcast. Instead of asking her question, I'm like, fantastic. That's what you need. But when one dude's going and then you want to know what the main complaint was by the dude throuple. Take a guess what do the main complaint is. She's a sex goddess. She's loving on both of them, these two guys. And by the way, they occasionally get involved together. They're up there, they're playing the game with each other now and again with a reach out. I'll give you a little old fashioned. How's your Bob? How's your uncle? And start tearing into each other that way. But they don't have. They don't, you know, pump into each other. She's the only thing that gets hit. But they'll reach over and tickle a ball, I guess. I don't know how it works, but yeah. So they were talking about how they'll, you know. They don't kiss either. Those two don't kiss. What do you think the main complaint the guys have?

[Brady]

Her breath.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Brady says breath. You think that was the main complaint of the thruffle? There's something wrong with you, Bunny. Either two D's in a room or her bitching. I'm going with her bitching. Sort of on track with the first one with the two Ds, okay. Because one D will leave a mess, and then the other guys. Sometimes you got a lot, you know, you look down, you see that's all over you. Oh, clean up after yourself. Have some class. But if you're in the middle of it, you know, and everybody's doing their thing and he's, you know, he closes, goes, little Debbie. You're going to get some little. Little Debbie on you. And he's. I'm not a fan of that. I look now like, no, I'm sloshing about in that. Yuck.

[Brady]

I got fragged.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I got hit with some friendly fire.

[Brady]

Well, she's a pig, too.

[John Holmberg]

She ain't cleaning herself up in between. I mean, it's not even in between. Now, that would be a pig. Grab a tube sock. Wipe that off. What are you doing? The hell's wrong with her, man? Yes. There's some class, lady. Brett, I want to throuple with you. You sound like you're gonna find yourself a special lady for me and you.

[Brady]

I'm from a throuple specialist.

[John Holmberg]

We get along great, you know, everybody goes. We do our thing, and we go back home. And this girl was evidently just like. Cannot control herself. She's like, 29. Dudes are in their mid-30s, and they are just like. It's a revolving door. Like, she can't. She can't get enough. Like, this is going to turn. It sounds fun when you're listening. Like, they're just having the time of their lives. They're having sex the whole time. They eat, you know, they chitter, chat. They have sex again. She gets tired with the one guy. The other guy's still around. She goes and nails him eventually. Because what I heard was because as you get older, you don't hear the fun. You hear the, oh, she's got mental disorders. This is gonna These chickens are gonna roost, and it's gonna get ugly in there. I think the only way a throuple works is two girls.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Because eventually she's just gonna wear out. You can't keep using the lawnmower and not, you know, you're gonna need a new lawn chief eventually. You can't just. You can't mow everybody's grass and then think that your lawnmower is gonna last forever or be in the same working order. The blade's gonna get dull. You know what I'm saying? Eventually, gonna weird cut grass. That thing's gonna get trounced. But, yeah, it was fun. So I listened to that while I was sitting in the. In the traffic jam that, you know, evidently was gonna close it. And then that. How fool. How foolish does the dude who got up and he told, like, 25 cars, walked all the way down the road, Must have been like a quarter mile. Walked all the way back, still hadn't moved. And then, you know, sits in his car, and then, like, 15 minutes later, we're going 80, idiot. I wanted to pull him over and go, your friend at ADOT sucks. Just be happier following detour Dan beach up there. You know, I mean, I love that I'm detour Dan Beach. I'm right in front of you here. Just a little information about what's going on, and all of it's wrong. I mean, not. The dude might as well have said, well, I heard aliens came down and bear ate the lead driver. I'm like, okay. It was as useful as the information you gave.

[Brady]

No, no, no, Demi. That was the i10.

[John Holmberg]

He said, have not beard. Sunset point. Aliens come in, ate a car, made kind of a mess, and then turns out they just defecated a bunch of, like, alien bear people, and they're running amok up there at camp Verde. So they've got to shut down. Okay. As reasonable as the thing you said, because none of it was real. Just. Yeah. If you're gonna go door to car door because you just have to be that guy be right. Don't go in there with your whim. I'm gonna make friends with just about it. I'm gonna be the hero of this situation. So what do you think? You're gonna be here 24 hours? Yeah. Well, if it's a fatality, and that's what I'm hearing from nobody. I'm just making it up from my car ahead of you. Yeah, we're gonna have to be turned around. Oh, that's great.

[Brady]

Somebody hit a Bigfoot.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I should, you know, and in hindsight, and now I've learned my lesson. Listen, it'll never be the same dude in the car in front of me, gets out, starts that. That know it all waddle towards me. I'm just gonna go on, just wave on you. Whatever you say to me isn't gonna matter.

[Brady]

That's what happened to Scotty Scheffler on Friday morning, is it?

[John Holmberg]

And then probably some guy just know it all drove around, he just hit him. Well, then I'd let him out. I'd understand that. Yeah. Then I got into his car and I'm like, wife's not bad. Want to triple up on this thing. I've been listening to a podcast, gave me a couple ideas. Just need a tube sock. Yeah, people act like morons. But the throttling thing was interesting. These, these three are convinced and the lady who's hosting the show convinced that that's the future. That eventually it's going to be. There's going to be. And financial. And they may be right. Financially, it's going to be impossible for average couple to support themselves. They'll need a third party. And why not make that a love party?

[Brady]

Yeah. They're just a couple and that's it.

[John Holmberg]

What do you mean?

[Brady]

Once you start throwing in, you know, like, oh, I'm gonna throuple, but I'm gonna have families with both.

[John Holmberg]

But I mean, that's because we're just used to our way. If you open your mind to the whole thing.

[Brady]

I know. I'm just telling you, I think it's a little tougher when you start bringing maybe two families. But. Although there's some people that have figured that out, but they have two separate homes a lot of times.

[John Holmberg]

But if they're financial and it's three people. Financial. And I'm not so sure that people who are into thruffling just can't wait to start a family. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, financially, that makes sense if you look at people trying. My friend's son just graduated from college and he's got a, you know, good degree from a good school. It's going to be tough for him to get a place without two more people. It ain't easy to rent a house right now or get up, get anything going when you're looking at like, average rent is like two grand a month and you don't have anything to start with.

[Brady]

You're looking for housemates.

[John Holmberg]

Right. So then if you got, you know, if you're 35, like these people were, and the girls in her late 20s and they still can't make it work, but the three of them together can. Then it becomes financial. And so what you got to do. Because it's inevitable. We watch pornhub, right? If you're a couple and you've got a third party roommate. Somebody's having sex with that guy. He's just not going to wander around there with his tarp off. Every once in a while goes. Just getting some Cheerios. Doing sit ups. Like, oh, great, you have a hot roommate. No question. My. And so you just admit that it's.

[Brady]

Gonna happen and do it broke my bow flex.

[John Holmberg]

Sorry about that. We're gonna need new bow flex. And I know times are tight, but that's why there's three of us. I don't think I could take it. I don't know that. That would just be the worst you imagine. Two women that want you to take the trash out. Oh, do you know how much trash would pile up by the door? Because they won't take it all the way to the alley. Oh, my God. Well, I put it all on top of Angela's trash. Like, why do you guys stack the trash by the door? You need to pick up the trash. Like, why you're carrying it already. Get. Just go the rest. No, we want you to do it. Well, then stop taking it out of the bucket. Well, you'll never do that. How come when the trash is full, you just don't. I don't get it.

[Brady]

Lists and lists.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, never ending. It would be like office space where you just get TPS report. So you gotta fill out your TPS for yes eight times. Did you get that thing you read? Yeah, she told me we'd put. I've been double nagged on this now. Okay, Are you gonna just sit on the couch all day? That was the plan. All right, we're gonna go. We're gonna stomp over the giant pile of trash by the door that we did and then get mad at you about it. All right. I guess if that's what you want to do. You're not gonna take that all the way out. You guys are actually gonna go out by the. By the. Where the trash would actually need to go. You're not gonna take it with you? No. This just seems like a test. It just seems like you're testing me. I don't know why you're not. I don't know why I can't be done. Our job is to take it from here to the edge of the house and then yours Is from the edge of the household. Oh, I didn't sign up for that. That's your rule. And somehow another. I have to get involved or I'm a dick. I wish I understood that. And it is. Almost every man I know trash to the door. And that's where it stopped. Then you somehow and without ever discussing it. Or I'll take the trash to here, but that's as far as I go. I would have understood that. Does Matthia do that? Trash to the door. Leave it. No, ours is actually by the door. So it's like. Yeah, genius.

[Brady]

Yeah, Ron, We. It's in the kitchen and the doors.

[John Holmberg]

Yep. That's. Does she take it to the outside, though?

[Brady]

Every once in a while, she'll take.

[John Holmberg]

But for the most part, it goes to the door.

[Brady]

She'll go right to the can if I'm.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's. See, that's unheard of. Unheard of.

[Brady]

That is.

[John Holmberg]

It's kind of unicorny. Unheard of. She must smoke weed or something, and you don't know about it. So she's got to go outside to do that. Because otherwise, just go into the door. Unheard.

[Brady]

I get asked. I mean, most of the time between Kirby and I, will you take the trash out?

[John Holmberg]

You know, Right. You get told that it's time to do that. This guy says, john, have you heard. Misheard the term? It's called a cuck. A cuck Bull. Because one of the dudes is the cleanup crew. Constantly. Yeah, I don't think I could deal with that. I don't think I could be. Little Debbie's seconds need more than tube sock. Well, I mean, these two guys just found a whore, and they're willing to give each other handies. I mean, if Brett and I were in a situation like that, there's no. I mean, how hard would you start laughing if I reached over and tried to. See, he's laughing already. Get your hands off my piece. What are you doing? And then in the middle, you'd have those moments like, hey, Brett, don't Debbie that thing. Oh, come on. No doubt that's the tube socket, for Christ's sake. Come on, Be a gentleman. I don't mind if it's. Just don't put it where I'm going to be next. Come on. I got. You know, everybody gets to use this. It's like a bowl of ice cream. Don't eat out of the jar. Just put some in a bowl.

[Brady]

Just come in like a. Just got done work, everyone. Both guys have towels around their neck.

[John Holmberg]

That's Good stuff. Hey, are you putting. You're putting your knife in the peanut butter with jelly on it. Get it out. Come on. It's basic roommate etiquette. Your knife has jelly on it. You don't put it in the peanut butter. Use a new knife. I'm the new knife. Don't get jelly in my peanut butter. Dude. It's all going to the same place. Yeah, but I'm going there second. That's different. But yeah, thruffling seemed like a good idea, but they were sharing bills. Seemed like it all came down to that. They all did okay, but they had extra money together and they piled their money together. All three of them are like, oh, lawyers are going to end up with this one. This is going to be a mess.

[Brady]

Can't wait to watch that court case.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, and that's guy started to root for that. I'm like, the future is great for television because the murders are going to be more fun and the. The court cases are going to be an absolute blast. There's no way around it. You can't. You can't thruffle and then break up. And then just one breaks up. Break. You ditch one. Dude, he's got to go from two. All of them are legal anyway. That was my traffic.

[Brady]

And an extra lady. Eventually we'll move into that mix.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, Though somebody will get greedy and do something different. Wait a second. Yeah, you can't help it. Can't help. Hey, knock on the window. Just give you an update of the. I'm conjuring up in the car ahead of you. Evidently there's gonna be a food truck comes through, feeds us. We're gonna be trapped here for months. It's gonna be like the show Lost. You seen Lost? That's us now. Okay, Keep moving, Jethro. Oh, I gotta get up here. I just gotta get up here. The gas station, right? And then I'm heading on over to pacing on 2. 6. I don't care where you're going at all.

[Brady]

My brother has a drone in the air right now.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, quick update. I don't know why you have a kitchen door for a car door, but there it is. Quick update. Wife's menstruating. Like, what? Oh, your personal updates are going. Yeah, kids are off to college now. Next summer. This is it for them for summer and then. But we're gonna live here now. This is where our house. We're just. We're. We're putting down stakes here in the road where we're going to live forever. Get Your Christmas card in May, huh? Yeah. I got a cousin in a dot tells me we got to spend. We're going to be here till at least Christmas.

[Brady]

See you in 10 minutes.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Well, my guess is that you're going to be running back to that car in a second. You keep wandering the earth, Kane. Get. Sit in your goddamn car and shut the up. Another quick update up front. If you got to take a Wii, there's plenty of spots here. There. Okay, you're not in charge of the area. Go back to your car. I wish that. No. And everybody thinks like nobody thinks. That guy isn't an authority figure. Why else would you get out of your car to talk to the neighbors?

[Brady]

What's in his hand? I know. Roll down. You guys need any Gold Bond?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I got some stuff that's gonna powder up a little bit. Get some cakes under the pits, maybe in your bee crack. I'm not judging. Here's some Gold Bond and apple. You're probably gonna need this. Not gonna put much food here for a while. We're gonna have to start forage for nuts and berries and like. No, we're not. One hour, 12 minutes. And it was kind of peaceful. It wasn't so bad. I had a beautiful view. I knew I wasn't going anywhere. Shut the car off, sat there, it was nice. And then you just start humming along. But the only thing that human nature does in those situations is make you wish for carnage. If I had to sit for an hour and 12 minutes, there better be blood on the road. And I was a little disappointed that there wasn't kind of a Windstar banged into another like Altima.

[Brady]

What's the hold up?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, they just couldn't get him out of the way. It was a weird spot. There was no shoulders on the road, so I don't know how you got into a wreck like that. Front end of one car was just completely bashed up. So somebody must have slowed down, taken one in the back and then spun around a little bit. But no big deal. And then off I went, threw Megan's mom around in a Jeep. Just fun to take an elderly woman 4 wheeling for the first time in her life. And if we played the audio of it, you wouldn't know if there was somebody being murdered or having the greatest orgasm of all time. But you certainly wouldn't guess four wheeling, that's for sure. Lots of screaming. Did your dad scream a lot when you took him up to Sedona? We took him on the same trail. No, he didn't yeah, they make a lot of noise. Normal people just go. Old people. Like she was just screaming. She was screaming.

[Brady]

She'd be yelling a little bit.

[John Holmberg]

Didn't she not go with us?

[Brady]

Yeah, she went, but she must have been in.

[John Holmberg]

No, she was in Drew's car. Yeah, lots of screaming, giggling and screaming. It was fun. And a lot of people in Sedona this weekend with their shirts off. It was pretty much shirt off week. A lot of dudes feeling pretty confident.

[Brady]

Finally warm enough.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, just enough. Wait for this time of year. It was top down weekend. Arizona's most powerful powerful rock radio station. There's more of the best of homework's morning sickness. 98 KUPD. This segment's brought to you guys by Action Ride Shop.

[Brady]

Now if you're thinking about heading up.

[John Holmberg]

North to hit the slopes for some skiing, some boarding, or if you're just going to stay down here in the valley and do some mountain biking, Action Ride Shop is your place to be. They got all the gear and all the knowledge you're going to need, so check them out [e-mail] or better yet, just go visit them. Over there on Gilbert Road and Southern, it's Action Ride Shop. I was on next door app, which I'm not allowed to comment on, although I think I, I think, I think that's been lift the ban has been. And yeah, also I noticed my next door app starting to get a little too big. I got to set the parameters again. Like it snuck out into Tempe and stuff. I don't care what's going on in Tempe. That's not next door. That's a long drive. So they had this thing and this dude had this, all his video cameras at his house. And these people, I don't know them, but I, this is a nightmare and I feel horrible for them. And some doughy, fat, drunken drug addict pops in the middle of the night, walks in their daughter's room. His pants are down. Daughter's like four and it's all videotaped. And they hear him and chase him out and there's no violence or anything. The dude goes to their backyard. You see the camera in the backyard and he climbs their fence. I mean, he's blasted, gone and just walked into their house into their daughter, 4 year old daughter's room. Everybody on the comments started, this is why we'll never ever have a society again. Everyone on the comments said, man, the fact he walked out of your house surprises me. That dude should have had his head blown off or at least been bounced off the blocks in the backyard. And then it started. The idea of this family going through what they went through wasn't enough for people. Like the dude posted the thing as a warning like, hey, keep an eye out for this dude. He's out there. Then they started getting mad at him for not killing him and crushing him up against the wall. So he's still a threat. He's still out there. This dude's still out there. And then somebody. Then it just became this gun debate because one guy came on and said, I have. That dude wouldn't have made it out of my house. I'm sorry. That dude pants down. He's not making it out of my daughter's room. Even if I couldn't get my gun, it's over. And then somebody says, great. Show your daughter that violence solves everything. And it went sideways. There was nothing more about. We can't have society anymore. Would've solved that. There's a certain. And I agree with that. But I, you know, why even make the comp. Oh, now your four year old daughter with an intruder and his pants down in the room gets to see what violence looks like. Well, what happens? And then her argument was, what if he. What if he knocked? And then another argument. This was a good one. Another one said he looked too drunk to do anything bad to his daughter the first place. Like just because you. That's okay. Just because you can't get it up doesn't mean hands don't work or weird stuff like your daughter's traumatized. No matter what, shooting him, probably gonna traumatize just about everybody. But at least you stopped it from getting any further. And then the one lady's like, well, and we saw what happened once the adults got in the room, he ran away. So no harm, no foul. What? What is wrong with everything? I wasn't on there. Yeah, I know. Oh, no. And I'm not allowed to make comments on the next man.

[Brady]

No one commented how calm and cool and collect they would be. Honey, close your eyes and plug your ears.

[John Holmberg]

Right? I would have to. The noise will make. Get my daughter out of the. Excuse me, sir, I have to.

[Brady]

Hang on one second.

[John Holmberg]

I have to assemble my family away from you before I shoot you in the face. You might not have your gun. You might not have a gun, but there's a bat or a stick or a magazine. You can roll up something. Magazine? Was he a cocker span? I don't know. That hurts. You ever been hit by a magazine? That's A weapon, man. If you get a good, if you.

[Brady]

Ball one, you roll up a Uline catalog.

[John Holmberg]

You don't spank them with it. You do a, like a hammer fist, right? That's their spanking. Like, you know, like the newspaper or something. Something.

[Brady]

You get their attention with the first swat. And then I like your eye poke.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah. Right to the nose. That I could see that you were swatting it. Like, oh, all sorts of stuff can be a weapon, KDKB weekend or something. A lamp, a pillow. For God's sake. Take a kid's pillow, just mash him in the head. That's a big whip. And then start beating the tar out of him. But that here nor there. No matter how I feel, I would have handled it. The argument began that we can't get outside of a dude standing in a four year old girl room with her pants off without having a gun debate. Like we all can't. We can't all sit back and unite and go, I don't know, that's a horrible situation. Maybe I hate guns, maybe I don't. But that dude's taking a beating and I'm not, I'm not. There were people on that guy's side. This is a product of America and its current situation. How sad it is. These people need help. That dude doesn't need any help. What happened to us? Well then take him in if he needs that much help. Exactly.

[Brady]

Bleeding hard.

[John Holmberg]

Say your prayers.

[Brady]

When I got my crossbow on me.

[John Holmberg]

I'm for anything that stops it. I actually felt bad for the family. They didn't shoot him or beat him up, but they got him out of the bedroom. Mission accomplished for me. I would have handled it differently. I think, I think I would have gotten violent. That's okay too. If you're passive and you're, you know, against violence and you got him out of the room, whatever you did work, you sent him off into society again. That sucks. Right? Like, right, that's. It's alphabetical, passive, pussifist. It's the same thing. I'm not saying I agree with your pussy ways. I'm saying I can empathize with you for it as a human being. This is me. My heart is black like Kingsford. It's dark. And I'm the one that was sitting there going, nobody has any feelings for this family. They're arguing on whether or not that dude who broke into their house and pulled his pants down should, should get help. No matter what happened here, let's just be happy that it didn't get any further, no matter what the method was. Shoot him in the head, chase him.

[Brady]

Away, whatever the guys at Ory's like, he ain't making it out of my bedroom. You ever shot anybody? No, but I'm telling you, he ain't making it.

[John Holmberg]

I'm pretty sure. Dude in my house, maybe I don't shoot, but he's. He's at the other end of a gun. That's just the way I'm going to deal with it. If I can get to a 12 gauge which I have readily available.

[Brady]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

I'm. I'm going to at the very least aim it. And if you are going to do that, you better be able to pull that trigger because if you're going to play guns, you can have one taken away from you too. And the argument of ah, he was too drunk to get it up is the worst thing I've ever read in my life.

[Brady]

I asked him and he said, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I got whiskey D. Yeah, I got whiskey dick. I was never a threat. That's why when I broke into your house, you just should have let me lay down and sleep it off. I don't know if I could actually shoot. I'm pretty sure I could shoot that guy the other day with the process server banging on my door. But for the most part, always like.

[Brady]

To think that if some. Especially if someone's coming at you aggressive with her.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Doing something, you'd like to think you could defend yourself. Well, again, it's that react defense stuff I talk about all the time. Like that dude wouldn't have made it very far with or without the gun. And I don't care how drunk he is. Oh, and the other one was a lady's like, okay, so you're just gonna beat up an intoxicated man.

[Brady]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Who can barely walk because you're such a man. And she was basically calling out this guy's manhood. And that dude said exactly what Brett did. Yep. Sure would. Nothing's happening to my daughter. Yep. He's, he's. I'm not only that, as he's down, I'm gonna keep beating him. Okay, teacher, teach your daughter that violence solves everything. In this particular case, it does. Absolutely, I agree. But I also think, you know what? I'm hang out with this guy. They got it done without touching him, which is another thing for me. I don't like food trucks or touching drunk strangers.

[Brady]

You might have done that, Brett. You might have escorted him out of the house. Gun. Get out of here. Oh, just be on your way because I ain't getting involved in this. I saw.

[John Holmberg]

I'll tell you this. No, there ain't gonna be no silent witness calls for me. Brett would have escorted him to a riverbed eventually. You ever seen Lake Mead? Yeah. Yeah. Take a four hour tour. Take a little four and a half hour drive with your drunk ass. You should be sober by the time you realize what's happening. It's good to be on top, isn't it? Yeah. So get on top and ride with the top morning show in town and the best of horse Bloomberg's morning sickness. And then somebody else said, onion coffee. Can you imagine your boss's breath drinking onion coffee? Braces is a hot new drink. I say it's banned in most office teachers. No, no, no. Oh, my God. Mrs. Miller, eighth grade, Rhodes Junior High. Typing teacher. Did you have that? No, I didn't have. Oh, Christ's sake. She was one of those people that like those. She looked like a 1930s movie star. Never had a different. Every day was a different outfit. But the makeup was that. I'm ready for my close up, Mr. Deville. Crazy lipstick, too much rude. Like her cheeks were bright red. And you'd be hammering away on best class I ever took, by the way. Typing. Most beneficial class in all of my school. I learned to read and write on my own. Eventually typing had to be taught to me. Amazing. And that's the one thing somebody told me, you can type, right? I'm like, I'm pretty good at typing. Play the piano because typing's actually harder. And you do that without thought. And I'm like, hey, that really motivated me to start pushing the piano thing. But Mrs. Miller would come up and go, hands on the home line. And then she'd reach down and go, john Holberg, let's see what you've got here. And I'm like, I'm melting. I'm melting. You are melting.

[Brady]

That bio coffee you're drinking is delicious.

[John Holmberg]

And I had her fourth hour, which means lunch was in between third and fourth hour. So she had a nice heaping helping of poop for lunch. I'm convinced she would go in and go, I'll have a cup of coffee and let's see, ham sandwich, hot ham and cheese. Oh, they have the double patties today. I'm gonna have two of those. Two giant human on a bun. And I'm gonna breathe on John for an hour. So are you struggling? How many words do you think you're getting out a minute? Melting. I'm melting. Let's see What? She. Hi, Sherry. Sherry sat next to me, and Sherry and I would sit. Hey, melting sherry. I'm melting. I'm gonna go finish up my double patty sandwich and then come back and I'm gonna talk to you guys some more. Did you have a nice lunch? Die, Mrs. Miller. You guys are really losing it. A little week ago, when we had the substitute, you were 50 words a minute. Now you're down to 12. Melting. Melty. I would reco. Can I come in fifth hour or after school when you're no longer breathing fire, can I go to the study.

[Brady]

Hall where I can just do it on my own?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, geez, I don't know. What'd you guys have for lunch? Oh, I had a Hostess Donuts. Oh, that's not healthy. You should have had what I had, which is a double sandwich. Oh, God.

[Brady]

Talking to the Yankee candle.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, yeah. John, we gotta tell you this. This potpourri stuff you're bringing in every day, it's distracting the other students. No, you are. You're melting us. Please, allow me. The potpourri. No more potpourri, says Ms. Miller. One more bite of my double patty sandwich. She was awful. Now she would drink onion coffee. I'm convinced Ms. Miller did that. She was so clean everywhere else, that breath was on purpose. And she would sit there in the teacher's lounge, and they'd laugh and laugh, take one more bite of the patty, suck down another cup of joe, and go breathe on these little mother. See you, guys. There she goes. Margaret Miller, one of the greatest teachers of all time. Three cheers for Margaret. She's got the bravery to smell like a sewer slaughterhouse. She breathes on those kids so we don't have to Kneisel, Craig. Oh, yeah, Bullwinkle. All of them just Zabrowski tipped their glass to the lady that was willing to smell like she just drank from a cow's ass. All right, Home line. Home line. Mr. Holmberg. You can call me John Holmberg. No, dude, let's just go with J.D. how about you call me J.D. there's no. There's no exhaling that. I prefer Mr. Holmberg. I prefer death. We're lighting little candles like it's a religious ritual.

[Brady]

Mr. Roof was our guy in metal shop, and we used to crawl over like Dave Bull would be over there.

[John Holmberg]

Mr.

[Brady]

Roof, Dave needs help.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Understand, I need a hand. Young man, stop saying H words. Today we're gonna learn about heavy equipment. Mrs. Miller. I mean, that was 1985.

[Brady]

You never forget.

[John Holmberg]

I Remember what she was wearing the day Sherry and I almost passed? We had those desks that were two people per desk. That was also the day that Sherry Pit. What was her name? Pitcher. Sherry. I forgot her last name. She lived down the street from me, too. And she goes, watch this. She goes, hold your hand up in front of my face. And would hold my hand in front of her face and she'd plug her nose and blow out and air would fire out of her eyes. Classy broads. Yeah. It was the coolest thing ever. I'm like, she can breathe underwater. I shouldn't date her. She could like a ton of it.

[Brady]

Pretty steady stream.

[John Holmberg]

Paper would move.

[Brady]

Blow out a candle with her eyes.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, easily. She could do that. But I read about. I had it happen once when I was really congested. I tried to play my nose and air shot out my left eye. And I got scared. She was doing it like she was breathing. She couldn't inhale, but she could blow air out of her eyeballs. It was the coolest thing I've ever seen. She was cute enough, but nothing, you know, the air thing had me. I was more intrigued by that. And then Ms. Mill. What's going on, kids? Oh, Sherry's blowing air out of her eyes. Oh, blowing air out like this. No, nothing like that. No, look away, Marianne. Oh, she was horrible. She's definitely dead now. That was 40 years ago.

[Brady]

Had onion coffee.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, she would drink that on purpose. Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station. Cease and desist at once. The rest of homework's morning sickness. This is the Big Red Radio. It's time now for Brady to give you all the news that only Brady knows. We call this the Brady Report and it's brought to you by All Pro Shade. You want to put some shade in that backyard of yours? They can do it easily and you get on it. Right now, the heat is here and it's here to stay. All Pro Shade concepts can get you shaded mighty quick. Block out 95% of the sun's UV rays. Those are the bad ones. Cut your dust and wind and get a patio that you can use in these hot summer months. Drops the temperature up to like 20 degrees in some cases. That's pretty awesome. Get shady allprochade.com Brady reports it good.

[Brady]

Thursday morning to you, Phoenix.

[John Holmberg]

Hello, world. Hi.

[Brady]

Officials in Anderson, South Carolina said a man found human remains while hiking. However, instead of notifying police immediately, he brought the bones to a Goodwill store, a drop off store, and picked up a box. Put the bones in the box then took him to the police department. Then the. Was it. Then the police went back and said, what area? We're hiking. They went back there. They found several more bones. They had been there for a while. Bones didn't match. But they're like, why? You know, I could see. I guess you put them in a box and then go to the police department.

[John Holmberg]

Sure.

[Brady]

Bone don't fit.

[John Holmberg]

You must have quit.

[Brady]

No. Never take bones that you see. Human bones.

[John Holmberg]

Really. I would have thought the other way.

[Brady]

Tell the police where they are.

[John Holmberg]

Let them keep walking. No, Brett told me walking. Brett told me ignore it or kick it around or move stuff. Right. Yeah.

[Brady]

Disturb the crime scene.

[John Holmberg]

Is that what you said? You say call the police and make sure that. Oh, I guess I see some logic in that. Where.

[Brady]

Officials say the bones appeared. Have been there for a long time. And they were scattered in a large area. Cup noodles has a new flavor out. I don't. Not sure it's gonna make its way to the U.S. it's using the puffer fish, the fugu, which is that poisonous fugu. Chefs train two years to make ramen to learn to serve this fugu takes 19 seconds.

[John Holmberg]

Jesus. Add water. Yeah.

[Brady]

No, you can make a ramen in two minutes. But they got the fugu oil in there.

[John Holmberg]

And they have to make sure it's not death. Deadly, right? Yeah.

[Brady]

Because every part of that fish, the skin, the organs, bones, it'll kill blood, all is loaded with poison.

[John Holmberg]

Worth the risk.

[Brady]

Prepare it just right.

[John Holmberg]

And if not, you die. So enjoy your ramen.

[Brady]

The fugu.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Brady]

Ramen.

[John Holmberg]

Noodle ramen.

[Brady]

Two bucks a cup at best.

[John Holmberg]

Ramen's okay. You can get a good ramen. It's okay. It's not worth the poison. Dude.

[Brady]

Ordering ramen in Japan is a whole other.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, sure. Experience.

[Brady]

So many varieties they have. It's like a vending machine. You go to a vending machine, you click what you want and it gives you a ticket. And then somebody goes and makes it.

[John Holmberg]

Sounds like burgers here.

[Brady]

Order it from a menu.

[John Holmberg]

Japanese people probably come here. They've got peanut butter. They have everything on a burger. You've been amazing there. They're like ramen. Watch this.

[Brady]

These are the ones you love. This lady in Genesee County, Michigan, went to a tarot card reader, got a reading.

[John Holmberg]

Smart already.

[Brady]

The lady told her she was gonna come into some money very soon. She played a the 50 time wild scratch off lottery ticket.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

In Michigan. Won $500,000.

[John Holmberg]

Nice. That's pretty great.

[Brady]

Certainly the information on the tarot card reader. Because I'm sure she can get a lot of business right now. You're not going to come into money.

[John Holmberg]

Don't. Don't worry about it.

[Brady]

Oh, my gosh, you're so right.

[John Holmberg]

I just feel bad for people who open the door. You just do that thing at the. Is this the tarot card place? Of course it is. Sit down. Oh, my life. My life is waiting for you. And if. If I was a tarot card reader, I just. I'd throw out the cards and it'd be like, oh, you're at rock bottom. And I'd say it to everybody who's in there, because if you go to a tarot card reading, you're at rock bottom. You have run out of options on how to fix lives. You need a. I just won The Powerball.

[Brady]

The 1.2 bill.

[John Holmberg]

Why are you here? I don't know. Having a little fun on the side, I guess. Ooh.

[Brady]

This card here is going to say, you're going to lose a lot of money.

[John Holmberg]

Your life's not working out, is it? How do you see. It's all so clear. Yeah. Otherwise you wouldn't be at a tarot card reading.

[Brady]

This restaurant in Indianapolis is receiving some backlash.

[John Holmberg]

It's all over, folks. He's got it down. Damn it. It was more entertaining. Good.

[Brady]

Solid pause, though.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

It's called Plantastic. It's a small vegan restaurant with a focus on fighting climate change through food. It opened up four months ago with about 10 tables. The small staff, but the owners, Tana and Gary Bartlett, say they've put so. Put most of their savings into this. Their former career or engineers. They are now saying the restaurant bans kids under five, citing that they've had to pick up dirty diapers off the table and also banned breastfeeding in public route.

[John Holmberg]

It is happening.

[Brady]

Vegan restaurant.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I don't like vegan stuff, but I'll go there. The great child backlash is occurring.

[Brady]

The people weren't so upset about banning kids under 5, but how dare you try to stop our breastfeeding.

[John Holmberg]

Well, depends on what you look like. I only ban it for disgusting women.

[Brady]

The banning under five is okay, but there is some problems with the breastfeeding because it. You can't just go do it in the bathroom. According to city coach, like, that's a breastfeed. Yeah, I don't know what the big.

[John Holmberg]

Deal, but it's like that Joey Chestnut thing with the vegans, too. Like, they're mad at him for having vegan hot dogs as a Sponsor. And Nathan's just like, how dare you? And it's like, hey.

[Brady]

But then Nathan's realized that we just.

[John Holmberg]

Screwed up our whole tournament.

[Brady]

You know what? You're welcome back.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And then him and Kobayashi are gonna have a one on one in September. They're going head to head.

[Brady]

He's coming out of retirement.

[John Holmberg]

Hot dog eating one on one Mano a mano wiener festival. Don't Google that. Talk about money. Don't google mono a mano Wiener eater.

[Brady]

You're gonna end up with one of Brett's videos.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you're gonna end up with something.

[Brady]

The one from yesterday.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that just directs you to the Alt AZ website. Yeah, yeah. What's Mo up to put mono o mono Wiener eaters. And suddenly I'm learning about 21 pilots. By the way, Kyle makes a great point. If you ban people under 5, haven't you intern banned breastfeeding? Bingo. Yeah, if there's good. If there's still a breastfeeding problem and nobody cares about banning somebody under five, then there's people who have five plus year old kids that they want a breastfeeding. Yeah, yeah. The vegan place saying, hey, we ban anybody with coming in who's under five years old.

[Brady]

I think what they're also saying is five also is the cut for the most part. No more diapers.

[John Holmberg]

Diapers. Okay, but it doesn't matter.

[Brady]

Maybe that's right because they were complaining that people would leave they had a couple of K. Well, people would have that folded up diaper and leave it on top of the table.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. If a five year old's in diapers, that's a dumb five year old. You've got yourself a goofy five year old. But if you ban five, you pretty much ban diapers and breastfeeding. And if anybody's, if there's quote, as Brady calls it, backlash going into that restaurant saying, why have you banned breastfeeding? I'm fine with that five year old thing, but I want to breastfeed my kid in here. How old is it? Because if it's under five, we've already killed that problem. Not killed it, but again, I do have more liberal abortion laws than this.

[Brady]

Yikes.

[John Holmberg]

I do. I can't believe how archaic our abortion laws are. Here's the other thing. Breastfeeding isn't vegan. They're at a vegan restaurant. That's true. It's dairy. Vegans don't eat that. Unless it's just human dairy. No, they get rid of milk. Animal dairy though. Maybe. I don't know. Anything's from an animal, but I've gotten a few that say breastfeeding is not. I don't know, anything. Soy milk. It's all natural mom milk.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Good band name. Natural Mom. All Natural mom milk. I like that. Yeah. I don't know how that works with.

[Brady]

It wouldn't be. I don't think.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. Is it considered dairy when it comes out of your mother's teat or any mother's teat? What if I drank someone else's breast milk, which I've done. Am I. Is that anti vegan or does it just have to be.

[Brady]

I think it's okay.

[John Holmberg]

But it has to be straight from the Natural mom tap. I don't care about that. Where were you drinking breast milk on a lady here.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

August 5, 2005. Shot breast milk into my mouth from across the room. Further.

[Brady]

Further away than you.

[John Holmberg]

She had a 13 foot stream on that thing. Clown's mouthed me too. I just opened my mouth and I mean it was. She was giddy about it. Oh, it was great. Well, I was more impressed that she didn't dabble. I didn't get hit in the face. It was right tongue shot. It was warm and it tasted like. When you leave Sugar pops in the milk. It tasted like Sugar pops milk only it was warm. It was 98.7 degrees. It was her body temp. I didn't take it directly from the tap, but she squeezed that thing and. Right into the mouth hole. And I do it again just for the spectacle of it all. But not at that vegan restaurant. But is that vegan or am I anti vegan because it was some other lady's dairy. I think vegan's animal stuff.

[Brady]

Stuff. I think that's.

[John Holmberg]

She's just another animal on the planet. Well, you know, not human. Yeah.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know how it works. I think that's how vegan is. Yeah, I think so too. That you don't take anything from an animal. Right. Including their breast milk. But I'll do it again. Some of those crazy ones you can't even wear like leather shoes or jackets and stuff. It says vegan is just cruelty free to animals. So breastfeeding is vegan.

[Brady]

So when you buy like vegan butter means the treatment of the cow was.

[John Holmberg]

What are you worried about that?

[Brady]

I don't know. I can see it in our. Ronnie buys vegan.

[John Holmberg]

Bet she does. He's heard rumors about that. I think.

[Brady]

Nothing to do with.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it doesn't have any animals in it? Yeah, I think it's plant based. Plant based butter or something. That's my guess. I don't know. You're gonna go right to look at them reaching. Look at them reaching.

[Brady]

Because what makes automatic. It's automatic because you're not. It's probably really. I mean, the cow is.

[John Holmberg]

That was Pavlovian diet.

[Brady]

And you're not really taking it. But taking them.

[John Holmberg]

No, but anything comes from an animal they don't use. And cruelty free is different than like zero.

[Brady]

The vegan discussion you sit out on.

[John Holmberg]

You don't even know, by the way.

[Brady]

Eating locusts and stuff like that.

[John Holmberg]

Probably. I don't know. Here's the thing. I guarantee you there's Land o' Lakes in your fridge, too, so stop touching her vegan butter. That's not yours. You imagine him putting the wrong thing on his toaster?

[Brady]

Oh, my God.

[John Holmberg]

What the. Is this vegan? And what is this crap over here, too? There's some curdled cheese in here. Katahe. Katahe cheese. What is this, cottage cheese? Look, it's rotten.

[Brady]

I'll go with the kerrygold Irish butter.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know what that is. Not vegan.

[Brady]

That's because it's not vegan.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you said that like you were jerking off, by the way. It was an awful lot of satisfaction. All right, I don't know how it works with mother's breasts, but you stay out of the vegan aisles, you're just going to cause a ruckus. You're like a Palestinian protester and a vegan aisle. We know you're there to cause trouble. Wait, you don't ever eat mom cheese? No, sir. No, Philip, I don't. If mom made cheese directly from the tap, I'd be upset with that.

[Brady]

There's a new trend, travel trend going called destination dupes to help people save money. Basically, 61% of Americans say they're interested in a dupe of a vacation destination to save money. Like going to Memphis instead of Nashville. Or Napa, California instead of Tuscany, Italy.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, just cheaper. Okay.

[Brady]

Belfast instead of London. Liverpool instead of London.

[John Holmberg]

But are you telling people you're going to London?

[Brady]

No, they're just saying for a similar experience. Or, oh, like Leavenworth, Washington, instead of Bavaria, Germany. Leavenworth's great.

[John Holmberg]

But it is nowhere near Germany. You're nowhere near Germans. How is the experience even close?

[Brady]

Oh, because they made it a German town.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, but it's in America and everybody speaks English.

[Brady]

And it's Newport, Rhode island, instead of Nice, France.

[John Holmberg]

That's dumb. That's that one in California, the one that's in wine country. It's like a Norwegian town or Swedish town. Solvang. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. Yeah. And they've got Pea Soup Anderson. Yeah, that place. Crazy huge restaurant full of pea soup. Pea soup and huge. Yeah, it's Solvang and Boylton. Or no. Is that right? I think that's right, but yeah. Is that in that wine sideways? Yes, it's a great place. I went to Pea Soup Anderson's a lot. You go in there. I don't like pea soup, but it smells really good. There's 7 million different tables in there and they're all just cramming down green. And I mean, the whole place stinks. But it's on the Avenue of the Flags, which is really neat. And then there's another place, the Lady Madonna Inn, and that's pretty close to that too. And it's known for its bathrooms. The bathrooms are extraordinary. They were all mirrored and like, really well done. It's a neat little area, but you're right, it's kind of a. It's bush league. Yeah. Wine country, but it's wine country. And that, you know, Antelope Valley, I think is behind it, is stunning.

[Brady]

Another one, they said western Colorado instead of Iceland.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's Colorado.

[Brady]

Tarpon Springs, Florida, instead of the Greek Isles.

[John Holmberg]

None the of this matters. Why instead of being cheap, you're going to Florida.

[Brady]

Colonnaded dupe.

[John Holmberg]

And how is it duplicated? I went to Colorado instead of Iceland. Well, you went to Colorado. You didn't even have to add the last deal.

[Brady]

I think you're using that word dupe wrong.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, because it's not in place of destination dupes. Destination, dumbass. You went to Colorado. Don't bring in that. Instead of Iceland. No, instead of the moon, I went to Mesa. I'm like, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Well, it doesn't replace the moon. Right. Neither did Colorado replace Iceland. Go to your freezer and say you went to Iceland.

[Brady]

TripAdvisor released its list of the best tourist attractions in the world in 2024. They base it on reviews. So what people who recently went there or thought of it.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady]

The number one this year was in the US The Empire State Building, number one tourist attraction in the world based upon reviews of trip.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, oh, oh, good. Good trip, I see.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Toledo certainly isn't going to be on the list of best. Yeah.

[Brady]

Vacation number two is the Eiffel Tower.

[John Holmberg]

Said no one ever said everyone who went there. No, exactly. Everyone who went there. It's better than I thought. I'd still rather be in New York City.

[Brady]

Number three, the Anne Frank House in Amsterdam.

[John Holmberg]

Now that is i5.

[Brady]

Come on anchor watch.

[John Holmberg]

I'll give you no, because I'm still in Amsterdam. When I leave Anne Frank's house all sad. At least I can get stoned to the be Jesus.

[Brady]

The Sagrada Familia in the Church in Spain. The Crystal caves in the Cayman Islands.

[John Holmberg]

Empire State Building. Beat all this stuff.

[Brady]

Yeah. The Coliseum in Rome. The Louvre in Paris.

[John Holmberg]

By the way, how about us as humans making Anne Frank a tourist attraction? Put that on for a second. Exactly. Want to wander around in the attic? That little girl got had to hide from the Nazis until they found her. Sure. How much? 15 bucks.

[Brady]

Feel the same way about like Auschwitz? Why would you go there? I mean other than the history, I mean.

[John Holmberg]

Right, but that's like a semi and.

[Brady]

You'Re the guy that gives it a bad review, right?

[John Holmberg]

What? There was zero churro stands? I heard churros were popular here. Do they have like a lemonade or Pepsi machine at Auschwitz or something? They have to, right? You have to supply some?

[Brady]

I don't think so.

[John Holmberg]

They gotta have a pop. No, there's hot days in Auschwitz, trust me.

[Brady]

On the outside of town, maybe.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe in the train. Do they train you in. Is that like part of the.

[Brady]

I don't think there's any dining.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know how you get there.

[Brady]

I don't think there's.

[John Holmberg]

You in. It's pre built.

[Brady]

I'm pretty sure there's none of that.

[John Holmberg]

There's no Pepsi machine. Like there isn't a visitor center. There has to be, has to be. There's a Pepsi machine in there.

[Brady]

I think they tell you. Yeah, I'm.

[John Holmberg]

It would be tough to walk around Auschwitz with a Pepsi in your hand though. Yeah.

[Brady]

Because then you're dealing with anything with a logo. Trash anything with a logo.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, not even that lit. If you litter at Auschwitz, you're a bigger dick than him. That's like if you walk through the hallowed grounds and just toss the can on the ground, somebody will get it. That's just dick. Yeah, you might be right. They might not. Do they have trash cans or like hot dogs?

[Brady]

Like you don't deal with that?

[John Holmberg]

No, I guess not. So they tell you before, I hope. Just like they did originally. I hope you all had something to eat before we get there, cuz you're not getting fed at Auschwitz. Well that. That's. You haven't changed at all.

[Brady]

The only one close to your comment. Toledo was the Abu Dhabi's largest mosque, the Sheikh Zaid.

[John Holmberg]

Are you looking at Auschwitz on a map? That's the memorial. That's not. Yeah, that's not Auschwitz. You look at them, they're off in the woods. The Dachau one is horrifyingly.

[Brady]

Oh yeah. It's outside of the.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. They didn't plop that thing right down in the cities. Horrible. I. Yeah. And I don't. I would visit it just because history is so fascinating and. But there's no. That's just not a fun day. I went to the Kennedy sixth floor museum. Had a great time up there. And then I felt real bad that I had such a great time up there. Like, this is a really awful place.

[Brady]

I like that you wanted to come back.

[John Holmberg]

I did it three times. Every time I'm in Dallas, I go to that thing. It's.

[Brady]

You want to eventually have Thanksgiving?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I want to eat on the X. But that has more to do with the fact that he represents Thanksgiving to me because of all the specials. But yeah, Oshwit's a little different. And Anne Frank's house, evidently, I've seen pictures of it. You have to climb like a straight up and down ladder to get into the attic. It's like dangerous. They won't let certain people do it.

[Brady]

Take forever.

[John Holmberg]

Why?

[Brady]

Well, I mean, there's got to be.

[John Holmberg]

A line, I'm sure.

[Brady]

I mean, how much? You know, probably reservations take some time individually up there and I can't.

[John Holmberg]

Place isn't that big.

[Brady]

So I'm saying so. And ultimately maybe. Maybe it's appointment only.

[John Holmberg]

I would assume they have reservations.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Ultimately it's an attic. You're just going up there to feel terrible. There isn't any. Nobody's going up there going. This isn't so bad.

[Brady]

In a retirement. So there's a gate.

[John Holmberg]

There's Austin. Is there. Do you see a Pepsi machine on the GPS or like a refreshments? Because a lot of times they'll put a little fork and knife like nearby. What's the closest?

[Brady]

Wolfgang bistro.

[John Holmberg]

Right outside McDonald's.

[Brady]

McDonald's.

[John Holmberg]

Way to go, America. Plopped a McDonald's down outside Auschwitz. Last stop.

[Brady]

That's the only one that pops up on the map.

[John Holmberg]

No more food for five miles.

[Brady]

Where was that located? That was pretty far outside. A couple blocks off the thing. It's not on the property or less.

[John Holmberg]

Than a mile away. Yeah, that's Would you call that a food desert? Just saying.

[Brady]

Just hit me.

[John Holmberg]

No, that's. It's a tough thing to open a.

[Brady]

Restaurant on the actual property. Yeah, there's no.

[John Holmberg]

As a capitalist, we've made it a tourist attraction. It got to be a guy who's like, look, there's a lot of people coming through here. I could run a pretty nice business selling schnitzel.

[Brady]

Closest thing is you get water at the Fountain of Tears.

[John Holmberg]

It's just all awful. The whole trip to me. Seems like I can get enough of this on tv. I don't need to stand there, be horrified. It's the saddest place on the planet. But they have to have Pepsi or Coke.

[Brady]

Your closest thing to a gift shop is a bookstore.

[John Holmberg]

Or what if they had, like, a soda you didn't like, like, they still had Sierra Mist or something? Like, ah, crap. This sucks. You can't say that at Auschwitz.

[Brady]

Shasta.

[John Holmberg]

I like Shasta. I'd be all right with that.

[Brady]

Faygo.

[John Holmberg]

Faygo's good, too. Yeah. Let's not get upset about those. Knee high. Maybe a little bit. Actually. Probably a nostalgic.

[Brady]

The only one I would say is be real happy. It's elf diet cola.

[John Holmberg]

But if you went in there, like, all right, Coke, you can't get too excited, you know, that is a rough place. And it's a tourist attraction. What we consider tourist attractions is weird. It's a lot of tragedy that we go to. Like, you don't have, like, places that celebrate awesome stuff. Mostly where people croaked. Like, we don't go to where, like, I don't know. That would be bad for them, too, I suppose. Where we, like, we don't go to Hiroshima. And like, yeah, Ground zero. We got him. Yeah, I know, but I mean, yeah, Al Qaeda. Would they go and celebrate Ground zero? Yeah, but there's no happy memorials. God, I don't want to look at that. That's awful. Just pictures of it on GPS and just Google.

[Brady]

It's way bigger than what I would imagine.

[John Holmberg]

Anyway, that's a tourist attraction, and you can yelp it.

[Brady]

This woman in New Zealand just sued her boyfriend of six years for not driving her to the airport. You hear about this story? She said, sure, he's supposed to pick her up, take her to the airport. I heard a little bit of it yesterday, but I wanted to dive into it because he also promised to stay home at her house and dog sit. So they live separately.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady]

They've been going out for six years. No showed to pick her up. Take her to the airport and didn't ever go to the house.

[John Holmberg]

Didn't fix the dog, either, so she.

[Brady]

Took him to court. Did Brett get to him?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Where did we find this guy? I bet you 36th Street, McDowell and dog sitter is going to be somewhere in that area.

[Brady]

The judge heard the case and considered whether that the agreement was legally binding, but decided not to award her any money.

[John Holmberg]

Good. Really? I called goddamn Uber. Call a friend. Yeah, but you hired. He. She did you. If I called you another friend, if I hired you to watch my dogs and you just didn't show up, I might sue you, too. Yeah, but you call another friend, but I don't know, you're not showing up till I get home.

[Brady]

So she.

[John Holmberg]

I thought she didn't even make the trip because she couldn't get a ride to the airport. Well, that's. If that's the case, why did she need a dog sitter?

[Brady]

Well, that. Well, after the fact, she threw that in there, so she actually.

[John Holmberg]

She's just being cheap.

[Brady]

Wait a minute. She did not. She went the next day.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, and he knew that then, because I assume your girlfriend calls you and says, that's on her. Yeah, but she still trusted him. Okay, that's true. The first date. What, you think he's going to show up now? I'll change on that one. You're right. He didn't show up to pick you up. You're going to call him and say, hey, I still. I still trust you enough to watch my daughter. You're right. All right, you swung me on this. Well done. Because at first I'm thinking, so she.

[Brady]

Threw that in there. Basically the cost of the shuttle and the cost of the dog sitter.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brady]

And the judge is like, sorry, it's not a binding.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, all right, I'll go with you on that. She's just trying to milk a dude out of money because she's bitter and angry. What you need to do is. Yeah, I can't do. That's right. I said she's bitter and angry. Yeah. Typical broad. It's a little bitter and angryness coming out of you, too. But I. Okay, I'm with you, then. Because I thought he was supposed to take her to the airport. Then he finally did, she left, and he was supposed to watch the dogs and did. If you don't take me to the airport and I call you and it's like, sorry, forgot. You're not watching my dogs. I remember trying to explain to Doug Fairchild he was going to watch my dogs and the Cat needed a shot. And I remember that moment because there's a lot going on at my house to watch my dog. I remember the moment I said, you're not doing this. His eyes went blank. And I realized, he's not going to remember any of this. That cat's going to be dead. None of these dogs are going to get the right food. It was Fairchild. I know. He just wanted a place to get away. Can I stay at your house for four days? I'm like, let's take a couple extra days. As a matter of fact, on me. I got you, pal. Wait, you got to feed these things every day? Yeah, Doug, twice a day. Oh. Some of them have dietary needs. Oh, boy. Is a white claw a dog dietary need? No, Doug, we're not going to do that. Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock ready radio station. The rest of homework's morning sickness. This is the big red radio. I combing through my British websites of information. I have no idea why I do this. I'm fascinated by the two or three British news sources that I follow. And one of them showed this. I think, look, the days of practical jokes are pretty gone, especially at work. There's been a few great practical jokes at work that have. We, of course, infamously did a fake drug test here. Right down with actors and everything else. That was one of my favorite things that's ever happened in this building. The day after Eric text me, I got high for the first time in forever. It was awesome. And then the next morning, we put it together in an hour to have Brady's friend Doug come down, pretend to be a drug testing doctor in our bathrooms. And we had the announcement in an email that came out. We're gonna do drug testing. Anyone caught with a positive test is immediately terminated. Your guy came down and folks were sweating and people were sweating. And so you go in, you take the test and everything else. When it came to Eric's turn, the best part was opening that bathroom door or having the bathroom door open. And our friend who was playing the part of the doctor said, he just offered me $4. That's a bribe. He had $4. And he tried to get the doctor off his back. He tried. We tried to get him to pee in the urinal in the cup next to the doctor. Yeah, $4. And then he said, if you give. And Doug even said, if you give me the four bucks, we'll call this. And he gave him the money. And then Doug said, He gave me $4. That's a bribe. And then. And then you Just hear. Oh, God. And he collapsed and started to cry on the dirty, dirty Guadalupe basketball. Great practical joke. A great one. A great one. Now, lawsuits, lawyers, emotional stress. The management shouldn't have allowed it. And our managers were in on that. Lots of stuff like that. Well, this one in England, I think, is one of the greatest ideas for a practical joke ever. And everyone in the office, because the CEO and the manager are behind, it's a small company, and so they. With a new person, they always practical joke them in, right? So this lady goes to their new. Their new job. I don't remember what the company's called, but she goes to work, she's there, they introduce her. Showing around, you know, it's copier. This is where you go to this. A lot of coffee's over here. And then at 11:30, whatever, tea time, Time to go. You go do your thing. See you in an hour. By all means, enjoy your lunch. All right. She leaves. They put a fake podcast on a computer. And when she comes back from lunch, they're all gathered around the computer. They whip up fake tears. They have a few things going on. What's going on? Russia just nuked D.C. and they've got a fake podcast playing of the horrors that are going on right now in Washington, D.C. and the nukes are on the way, and the whole world is. It's coming to an end, right? So they've got this convincing pseudo podcast that's going. She comes back in. Well, this late. And they've done it to a few of them. Everybody's in on it. Everybody's had it done. It's a rite of passage. Everybody in the office has had this prank pulled on them. And so far, so good. Well, what they didn't realize was her entire family lives in Washington, D.C. she's gone, like, lost. Emotionally disastrous. It's over. Doesn't take time to listen to the podcast. Like, oh, what's going on?

[Brady]

Must just leave.

[John Holmberg]

Lost it. Lost her mind. Freaked the F out. They're having a good time with that. They didn't know now. She didn't just announce, my family's there. She just turns into a big puddle. Jello's up, crying her eyes out, crawling around, like, just emotionally so distraught that. So after the laughs kind of subsides, like, okay, it's okay. It's okay. We do this to everybody who's here. And then she reveals that the whole family's in D.C. and why did you do this? And this isn't funny. And so now it's a not funny. Well, guess what? In England, she's filed a formal complaint against the entire office. And there's going to be some lawsuits, some workers. I don't know how they do it over there, but you're going to get some money. They're going to owe her for emotional distress. She can't just take the joke.

[Brady]

Come on, you hit. I mean, again, I think the risk of the practical joke, hilarious. What are the odds you hit Bullseye that the family is from. And.

[John Holmberg]

And as the jokey, you have to take that into consideration, too. What are the odds they knew? My whole family's in D.C. they didn't know. Man, you bastards got me. That's essentially what the practical joke is. You're the bigger your reaction, the more it does get you, the better the joke is. And then when it's revealed and you realize nothing happened, you go on about your day calling. You guys are dicks, like, you told. And you're more embarrassed that your reaction was so ugly cry than anything else. But no, no one can take the reveal and. And be happy that it didn't happen. Now they're victims and say, oh, it's all because you hurt me. It's like, no, he didn't. You're fine. Nothing happened.

[Brady]

Interesting that she didn't even try to. I mean, what would you do if that happened? I'd be on the phone calling, well, my relatives in Washington just to say, is this real? You know, like, most people, maybe they survived.

[John Holmberg]

Right? Most people would probably have that. Yeah. First things first. Let's see if they're okay, let alone a podcast. Right, Right. But they did the just. And just to have. If you walked into a room and everybody's in tears and hugging, you're like, what's going on? They're nuking America. US is getting nuked right now. What? And then you turn it up for a second. The first thing I think we'd all do is like, wait a minute, what are you talking about? And then you'd listen to the thing for a minute. And as convincing as the podcast can be, I think it's one of the best practical jokes ever. It doesn't even have to be nukes. It can just be some insane thing under attack that's happened. Now you gotta consider she just thought, there's a bunch of people in London. America's under attack. So your brain's like, are we next? You didn't realize that she's all from there and stuff. And so they knew she had American ties. They didn't know it was all D.C. like, her whole thing. I think it's a great joke. But yeah, she's. They basically said.

[Brady]

Well, it still has to go. It's going to court.

[John Holmberg]

They're going to get in trouble. I don't know if it goes to court, they're going to get fined, they're going to get. Somebody's getting paid, people are getting money and there's going to be some reprimanding. It says, guys at work always do a prank on the starters, and then it's just the way it's been. And then at the end everybody goes, oh, my God, that was terrible. And then we. We're all having fun and it's hilarious. I. And the guy who said this is. I'm not the ringleader of this, but I do participate. And when it was done the other day, we had no idea the family was in Washington, D.C. and they basically said, it's a bomb. And the new. In the podcast, the quote was, the whole city's been obliterated. There are no survivors. So they were saying it like, don't even bother calling. They were wiping the place out, but they didn't think she needed to call anybody. So luckily the manager came in and calmed her down and got her into a relaxed state and then she was left. She called the police immediately on her co workers. She felt unsafe. And then the guy says, I'm really scared because it wasn't my idea, but man, did I ever join in and I'm screwed. I'm really worried about what's going to happen next. It says the company's going to have to prepare itself with legal counsel. The woman has every right to escalate the situation, seek damages, and instead of having to laugh at the new person's expense, they're going to probably all be reprimanded or at least potentially fired, but at least punished. That's a funny prank. Couple days off. That is a funny prank. Oh, yeah. I don't care what anybody says at the end of a practical joke, so long as no one's actually hurt. Because then it's not a practical joke anymore, then it's just a painfully realistic joke. If someone's bleeding or injured, it's not a joke anymore. But if you can dick around with somebody's brain and manipulate them like a puppet for a couple minutes and then let him. Him off the hook. That's like that. You've gotta. People have got to be less uptight about this stuff. This is too good. And practical jokes dying, and they're so fun.

[Brady]

Punked. And back in the day.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, punks. We love watching them. It's like there's things that people get in their cars towed and you feel emotional distress. Like the one that they did on Punk'd where they took the guy's dog and they wouldn't, and he was out of his mind, and they're like, okay, we gotta go out there and get this. So you don't mess with people's living creatures. Kids, family, whatever. But they were taking this guy's dog in his car and they. People just lost it. And then you realize, oh, it's you, son of a. You got me. There's no more. You got me. The new. The new world is no you. There's no you got me. And remember, office breaks used to be kind of fun. I used to do it all the time at Tony Roma's. And I bet you it's emotionally distressing now. But all the new busboys that would come in, I'm like, what are you doing? And I'm a 20 year old manager, so there's no reason. Like, they looked at me like one of them, I was five years older than most of them, like, what the hell are you doing? You can do this on your first day? You're gonna let me down this badly. What's going on? These plants. Didn't anybody tell you gotta water these plants every hour. Dead plants all over the place, you moron. And it was at the busiest times, and I'd get them a little pitcher of water. I'm like, go water the goddamn plants and don't let me. Your one job tonight. You're the new. This is ridiculous. Somebody told you that, right? I don't remember. I'm sorry. Every one of them reacted the same way. And every one of them was out there just pouring water on a whole load of plastic, crappy plants that had no, like, root system or they need moisture. They're just pouring water. And the customers were always the one that said, hey, son, those are plastic. Huh? He told me, I gotta water these. There's nothing better than a 15 year old or 16 year old kid. Dumb as a stump. They're not smart. Not one of them, not a zero. You can fool them easily.

[Brady]

Still work today?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, probably. It would still work even better nowadays, these morons. But there were a couple that came back. It was a dick move, bro. It was a dick move. And just, you know, have them walk around, oh, I bake potatoes.

[Brady]

Basement in the old building that never had a basement. Oh, yeah, we need some files Will you go get them?

[John Holmberg]

That's easy. They're not.

[Brady]

And they're wandering around for 25 minutes.

[John Holmberg]

One of them backfired really bad at Tony Romas, because I told. It was. Wasn't very busy, and the new kid was there, and I told him, I said, these idiots, like, what are you doing? And I put a full baked potato in some water in a bowl, and I'm buttering the baked potato, but I haven't cut it open. Buttering it, and I'm seasoning the water. He goes, what are you doing? And I'm like, baked potato soup. He's like, what? I'm like, this idiot wants a baked potato soup. And he's. What is that? Like, you're looking at it. I'm like, go give it to him. And he goes out to the table. I said, I don't want to see this guy ever again. He's pissing me off. Go give it to him. And he walks out with potato and a bowl of water. Here's your baked potato soup, sir. And the old man's like, is this some sort of joke? Kid's like, what? Is this some sort of joke? What's wrong with you? To baked potato soup, sir. I was told to bring it to this table. This isn't baked. It's a baked potato and water, you piece of. He lost his old man. I want to talk to the manager. I want to talk to everybody. So I had to go out there and, like, was there something wrong? He brought me this. I'm like, I cannot believe, you know, we can't get any good kids at all. I'm so sorry. This is unreasonable. He's very new. Yeah, we should consider letting him go. I walked away. I'm like, you're an idiot. I might have to fire you. I don't want to get. What did I do? Like, that's not me. And then we all went back in the kitchen and laughed. Kids got tears in his eyes. I'm like, see? Welcome to the team, you idiot.

[Brady]

Sir, would an onion loaf make this go away?

[John Holmberg]

But the old man was not happy with it. We played it, and we included an unknown. And then I went back and told him, like, we were playing a little joke on the new kid. And we told him to bring that to you. We didn't expect you to get upset. We're sorry. I bought him all this stuff. Not good. Not a good note. It's not a quality. It's not professional. Like, all right, well, you can all day. I don't need this yeah, you want to get punched in the face, old man, you're cruising for it. But. Yeah, but those days are over because now the. Not only that, the customer would probably call a lawyer. They gave me a rancid baked potato that had E. Coli on it. And the busboy would lose his mind. His parents would get involved. And practical jokes are beautiful. Hazing was fun until people started getting hurt. Yeah, it's just this guy said, my husband was in the Navy or lady. And they get the newbies to get buckets of steam for them to fix the boilers. It was amazing how many idiots would try to figure out how to get a bucket of steam over to another guy. Go get the steam, God damn it. These things are dying. But it just doesn't. You know, it's just ridiculous. It's a stupid world we live in where every other practical joke. I don't think I've ever had a good one pulled on me. I don't think I've ever been in a you got me thing. I might have watered the plants at Tony Romas, which is where it happened, but I think I. I don't know. But pranks are dead and people will sue. And if you're a person who gets suey after a practical joke, no matter how good it is, and I highly recommend, if you've got a new person in the office, that whole nukes thing, that's a good one. That's a really good one. Dummy up a podcast and have that thing going on a computer.

[Brady]

It's a pretty easy sell.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. And that's the scary part is it's like that doesn't seem so far fetched, but everybody's emotional. Megan told me that there's a person that she knows at her work. The lady came in and said, I'm not gonna work today because I'm not on my anxiety medicine. So everybody gets a day off. She showed up to tell everybody.

[Brady]

Well, that was nice of her.

[John Holmberg]

I can't. I can't function. You can't get over it. That was the olden times. You go in and you felt like crap, or you're having an anxious day or the world's collapsing around you and you had to work. Now you just go in and that's those wellness days that were invented by ladies. I'm fine. I just don't feel like it today. That's not. That's not a thing. It's mental health. I know. We all have it. We have to. The whole point of it is, let's get through this, and then we'll deal with it after work. I can't get my job done. Well, then you're fired. Like, that's getting. Yeah. Truck drivers, cops, firefighters, military guys. None of them can go, I'm having a rough day. I'm going to take the war off today.

[Brady]

Well, there was a. I think it was a Wisconsin. There was a fire, and they were called to it, and the two firefighters started fighting.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's. It was different. Just a couple assholes didn't get along.

[Brady]

Yeah, we need someone else.

[John Holmberg]

One dude needs to be in House 13 in the next couple of weeks. Yeah, it's. Practical jokes are dead. But, man, oh, man, do I ever want to do the. And I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll host the podcast if you guys want to put it together and give me a couple bucks. I'll definitely put a podcast together about the nukes falling, whatever city you want them in. Give me a couple bullet points, some things to throw out there, and I'll do that because that's one of my. That is one of the best practical jokes I've read about. And then, of course, it doesn't end with everybody laughed. The new person was like, felting. And that was the thing about practical jokes that used to be great. You felt included. After it was all over, you felt like, oh, these guys actually are. Are letting me in. If you're not part of the practical jokes, if you're not part of the fun.

[Brady]

We'Ve got someone down on the scene. Let's go to them.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's really hot.

[Brady]

My skin's sloughing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we did one a long time ago. It was a little out of hand where we had a fake listener bothering a radio guy and she kind of fell in love with him. And we would write letters as the fake listener to this guy and say, if you don't, I'm going to be at this location on Thursday at like 7. I need you to meet me. And please, if you don't come, I'm going to kill myself. And it was always. No, it was always. He just pointed to Larry. It wasn't there. It was. And we. Her name. I don't even know if her name's the best one. Her name was dolorosa suicidio, which means painful suicide in Spanish. At this building or the other building? Other building. Okay. And we would do it to a couple of people, try to get them to go visit, but we'd always pick a time where they had something to do right so it was like he has an event or something. So it would be like. Like if you have EOS tonight. Yeah, it would be. You'd get the letter that said, seriously, Brad, I've fallen in love with you. You're my favorite person in the world. My life's gone to hell. You're the only thing that keeps me alive listening to you. You're my inspiration. I'm gonna be at The Applebee's on 7th street in Camelback at 5:00'. Clock. If you don't show up, I'm gonna kill myself. Well, I got an event at 5. I gotta go to. Eos. Losing his mind. And then we'd just laugh for half an hour. Oh God. Oh God. Another letter. A couple days later, I contemplated suicide. But I understand you were busy. You can make it up to me today at noon. I'm gonna be at blah blah. I can't do it. I'm at work. I got it. Oh my God. You're just letting me down left and right. And the poor guy had so much empathy. We, by the way, just let it kind of go away. Dolorosa just died. Faded. Well, Dolorosa have probably hung herself now. Was that a bridge too far? Sure, I know, but were we in the other room laughing like crazy? You know it.

[Brady]

I mean, just a skos over the line?

[John Holmberg]

Not really, no. Nobody got hurt.

[Brady]

Well, again, you're thinking you'd know it from the get go with just the name.

[John Holmberg]

Would you have known Dolorosa Suicidio? Yeah, I see that. But it's like she think about it. And by the way, the first letter we wrote was that she was from Mexico, she learned English from the radio. Like the whole thing was about like how important he was to her. And we knew the dude would fall for it and he kind of did. It was awesome. And still to this day, this is 27 years ago. To this day, we sit and talk about Dola. I wonder what Dolorosa is doing today. I wonder where she's hanging around, you know? But it was because he was fun to mess with all sorts of stuff, you know. And he also had a pack of condoms in his desk drawer that we would go through after he left. And we would take the condoms and open one and put back the package. He wasn't allowed to go, all right, who's been messing with my rubbers at work? So we just waited for keeping them. Yeah, right. Why are they there? Why do you have rubbers at your desk? But he did. Oh, we had some fun on that. One, but that's fun. And at the end, if he just said, oh, they said, we'd have let him off the hook. But, you know, it got a little bit like. The letters were so flowery and beautiful. God, I was good at writing those. I was. Dolorosa Suicidio. And I think that's. We looked it up before. It was pre Internet. We didn't know if we had to look hard to find painful in Spanish. And I think it's dolorosa or something close, which is where we came up with. And then we kind of changed it up. Like, my friends call me Dolly. So it was like getting away from all the language of the painful suicide as the name. And you don't mention, hi, I'm Dolorosa Suicidio. She just signed it Dolorosa Suicidio. Oh, it was good stuff. Did anyone go to jail? Were there lawyers and cops involved? No. Brady, you ordered pizza with your group of guys for that dead girl. Did anyone go to. That was horrible. Did anyone go to jail? No, it just took it. No, there's been a few. There's been a few. This guy says, I'm a fire sprinkler fitter here. We get apprentices looking for pipe stretchers, the sky hooks, henways. What's a henway? Four or five pounds. Yeah, we would make. This guy says, I worked at Fry's. We made the new people shake off all the salad dressings at night so the oil would separate. So they go through the aisles and just shake. That's a great one. Yeah. And people have catfished. This one says, I'm torn on this one, John. I do enjoy a good laugh and silliness of a practical joke. But on the other hand, money. And that's what it's come down to. People have figured out how to sue over a practical joke. If someone gets hurt, that's not it. But emotionally hurt from a practical joke, no, don't. Don't go crying to therapists and everything else. In fact, if you're a good therapist, you'll say, hey, it sounds like you're. A new group of people are welcoming you in. They're letting you be one of the crew. Now, if it's an everyday thing where they're just. Now you're just a target, and then you got something. But one practical joke. It's gotta be a pattern. But they're gonna. Everybody's gonna lose their job.

[Brady]

I told you about the one I knew. The guy that knew his buddy went to a sushi restaurant and he had another person call. As the restaurant said, we had an outbreak, some bad fish. And we need to test people to make sure that you didn't catch the bacterial infection that you're testing positive for. So we need you to take a stool sample, put it in Tupperware and drop it off at the police department. And they, the guy went up to the building with the Tupperware with poop to the, to the police station.

[John Holmberg]

That's a great one.

[Brady]

And he says, the guy up front, what do you.

[John Holmberg]

I'm here, drop off my, My sample.

[Brady]

Yeah, my sample.

[John Holmberg]

That's a great one. That's a really good one. My friend Stevings, he shared a room with me a few years ago in Vegas because I had a two bedroom suite and he was only up there for a day with his wife. And at the end of the dinner, he was leaving on a Saturday night, so we had dinner Saturday night. And he goes, I'm gonna go pack up, get out of here. Thanks for everything, blah, blah, goes to the room. And in the room there are these big pots, these decorative pots and they're filled with river rocks and plants. And so he took all the river rocks and he put them under the comforter in the bed. So even when you pulled your sheets back you could. And when you get in bed it was more rocks than bed. And it was awful. And I walked in and the heat was up to like 82. He toilet papered the room. So all the obvious pranks were like ahaha. The good one was the rocks in the bed. And I'm like, oh, you son of a. So I'm drunk and spending all that time putting rocks back where they go. I'm laughing, I'm like, you got me. That's a good one, right? But two weeks later he has the nerve to call me and keep. This is like end of July, maybe August. He has the nerve to call me and say, hey, dog sitter can't come to the house today. We're running late coming back from San Diego. Can you keep an eye on the dogs? I'm like, you betcha. Went to his house immediately, air is going off, they're coming back to a hot box, air goes off. And he had a mastiff and a lab. The mastiff, chloe was a 160 pounds, the lab, Rudy's probably 100 pounds. And the dog sitter for the week they were in San Diego didn't clean any poop, not at all. So I took it upon myself to scoop up all the poop in the Backyard and put it in every toilet in their four bathroom house and just leave it there while the house heated up. They got home eating burritos and walked in the. The door from the. And it was just rotting dog poop in all their toilets. And I mean, I filled them up to where a flush was going to be questionable. And I just remember. Right. I said, are you guys home yet? Yeah, we're about five minutes out. Thanks for everything. You bet. Never forget you put rocks in my bed. Huh? And then they found out. And then a few minutes later, Matthew, his son, walked in. He goes, this is bull. Kick his ass. Come on over here, Matthew. It was great. That's the good ones. I like those. Those are good jokes. That was really the only time. But that was, you know, Mark got me. Was not a terribly gifted joke, but it was good. The nuke joke on the podcast, that's pretty solid.

[Brady]

I had a similar out of town one. I went out of town. A friend said he'd watch my fish. I had an aquarium, salt water. His prank was to turn the heat up too. And cooked all my fish.

[John Holmberg]

Killed your fish. See people.

[Brady]

About a thousand dollars.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's. That's not funny. That's. That somebody got hurt.

[Brady]

It wasn't a prank.

[John Holmberg]

If things. If things die. I had a prank once where my friend's wife was pretty hot, so I banged her. Yeah. Quietly for like a year. And then I didn't tell anybody. And then the big reveal, like, you got him. I got. I got you.

[Brady]

Top that.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you can't do those kinds of things. It is weird, though, so. But now you do it and you're done. Yeah. Yes. Remember in the movie Jackass when they showed that guy. That was the best practical joke I've ever seen in my life. When they told the one guy that he. He got into the cab and they glued pubes to his face. And he was supposed to say he had. And he had to play the character. And he gets in this cab and the cab driver in the middle of it thinks he's a terrorist and starts just puts a bag over his head, blindfolds him, and then just starts driving him around that. And he was in terror. Like it was horrible. No, no, it's a joke. It's a joke. It's a joke. It's not a joke to me. And just destroyed this guy's life. That is a lawsuit. But that was so funny. I was in the theater pissing myself. But we can't do it anymore. This one said my parents played a Prank on me once. I was 10. They replaced that War of the Worlds on. Or they put the War of the Worlds on Their radio disconnected all the cable, packed up military bags and played the entire thing that we were under attack from aliens. I was 10. They were probably getting called to go into war is what they said. I was so scared. I was asking if we were gonna be okay. About an hour later they revealed the whole thing's a joke. That's kind of a mean thing to do, but at least 10 year olds can't sue you. Yeah. Weren't there people losing their minds over that? Oh, yeah.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

They didn't know. I mean, radio was new. Yeah. You think? Think now. Think about what everybody says now. Well, the Internet's so full of misinformation and people don't know where to get there. Think about how susceptible people have always been to this dumb box of idiots like me telling you stuff and to take it with a grain of salt. But back then there was no reason to believe the radio could lie to you. You assumed decent people were on the other end and weren't going to try to take advantage of you. The bad thing about War of the Worlds was before it, they said it's a joke. Or the next it's all art coming up here.

[Brady]

Yeah, Right.

[John Holmberg]

Show. Right. They told they didn't do it in the middle, but they told you in the beginning. If you missed the beginning, the war was with the aliens and it was starting right now.

[Brady]

And I thought they did it at the end as well.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe. Don't know. I don't know. Anybody got to it.

[Brady]

Cast out the ones that heard. Enough. We gotta do something about it.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody was just making love one last time to that filthy, unhygienic woman who didn't have tampons yet and didn't understand that shaving was gonna be a thing of the future. I'm gonna grin and bear it, gut one out and give my lady one last poke. Kids, you're all gonna die today. But yeah, they were stupid, but they fell for it. So people are, you know, we wanna. We wanna believe. But now, now there's pills and psychiatrists and everything else.

[Brady]

They still had to. Didn't they do disclaimers for the West Wing?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, the West Wing wasn't a practical joke. They did a thing where there was a nuclear attack and they had to run a scroll and they picked and chose where it was. New Mexico and Arkansas, where the dumber Americans live, and they ran a scroll at the bottom and said, please don't call NBC. This is fake. This is a television show. Because they started realizing on the east coast people are buying into this a little bit when this. By the time this show gets to the dummies in New Mexico. So New Mexico is the last one that they ran the scroll. Hey, leave us alone. We're not killing anyone. There's no. No real nukes. Oh, my God. Oh. Is this a practical joke one? The last one? I believe so. Oh, no. Oh, no. I don't like how it starts. I was clean up at the meat department at a grocery store. I asked a 14 year old, I asked this 14 girl, it says, courtesy clerk, to ask the store manager where the fallopian tubes were so I could drain the meat counter. See, that's funny. Hey, go ask the boss where the fallopian tubes are. I gotta drain my meat. Okay, but if you get a practical jump plate on you, just, you know, just roll with it, Roll with it. Have fun. The world is fun. This guy says those in the commercial tire industry, we used to have new guys take summer air out of all the tires and put in winter air. That's fun. That's a good one. But I do like the nuclear holocaust. That's pretty fun. When I was back in the shop, you know, working on cars and stuff, back in the day, we'd send like, the new guy, you know, the old thing was all blinker fluid and muffler bearings and stuff like that. And so nobody ever bought it. But we had this one dummy come in and hey, man, we need muffler bearings. Okay, where do I go? Just go to autozone, pick it up. We called, we had the autozone. Hey, this idiot's coming by and sent him over to O'Reilly's. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. We sent him to like four or five different parts stores. I just remember the time I got Thomas Wells, our Scottish listener, because. Hey, Johnny, what are you doing? I'm at the mall. Well, I was at the Chandler Mall and he was at Fashion Square. He says, oh, Donna and I are at the mall too. She's getting her hair done. Let's have lunch. I'm like, okay, where you at? I'm like, I'm by the Build a bear. All right? Or no, it was Rocky Mountain Candy Company. Rocky Mountain Candy Company. All right, I know where that is. Stay put. I'm like, okay. And so he gets to that and he texts me again. Oh, the first time I did this to him, I was actually at Fashion Square. And I would leave where I said, I Was going to be next time. I was at the mall. I got him again. He says, all right, I'm next to the candy company. Where are you? I'm like, oh, Megan saw something. We went to Pottery Barn over at the Potter bar. Oh, no, that is. Stay there. I'll find you there. I'm like, all right, this dude and I knew the mall well enough. I'm like, all right, he's going to come this way. We go outside, we go down. We'll go way out the other end. Where are you? You're not a pottery bar, you bastard. Like, oh, we went on to Dillard's. I. I forgot I was supposed to meet you were taking forever. I don't even think you're here. Like, yeah, bastard. Wait, my dad go. And then I just got in the car. I'm texting him now. We went to Charming Charlie's. There's evidently some baubles there. Charming Charlie's on the other side of the mall, you bastard. All right, I know it's a mall. Big deal. Walk it off. Gets to Charming Charlie's, and I get a text. You're not here. Out here. You blast it. I got him a lot. Thomas was fun.

[Brady]

He got his 10,000 steps in.

[John Holmberg]

He got a lot of walking in that. And then the other time, I was at Chandler, and he goes, are you at the mall, my guy? I go, where are you right now? Send a photo. And I sent him a picture of Dillard's. I'm at Dillard's. All right, this time of minute. Wait, at Dillard's? We're getting that. Having lunch. You owe me. Like, okay. And he goes over to the. You're not a Dillard, you bastard. What have you done? And I'm like, I didn't say I was at Fashion Square. Ah, hate you. This guy said he worked the ramp for America airlines, and they would have America west airlines back in the day, and some of. Some of the pilots would go up to the new ramp agents and ask where the keys of the plane were.

[Brady]

An extra set.

[John Holmberg]

I forgot about the other time I got home. The other time I got Thomas. I had a Volkswagen Touareg, and it was something about the Germans that can make things that heat up humans pretty good. The sea heaters. The sea heaters were so insanely hot. And Thomas is like, I got. I got a foursome forest at Sunridge Canyon. Sunridge Canyon is in Fountain Hills. It is far. And he goes, we'll go out like you, because I like to play golf in the middle of the day and summer doesn't bother me. Two of us go out there, we'll have fun. It's one o' clock start time. I'm like, it's 112 degrees today. I know, it's horrible. He comes to the house. I'm like, I'll drive. Put your clubs in. And I put his seat heater on the highest level it can go. And I'm like, it's been sitting in the sun, so the seats are hot. Oh, my God. They're right there. They're cooking and that. We start on 44th street and Camelback, drive them all the way, get up to Shea. I took the long route. I took Shea all the way across, and he's sitting there. He's just talking. Ah. Donna and I were at dinner last night. Oh, what's going on? These seats won't cool off. It's so hot. Anyway, we ate dinner last night. I was. Good Lord. And he starts to get his feet up in the chair. He's perched up. I can't sit down. Like, calm down. You're making me nervous. I'm trying to drive over. I don't understand it. It's just seat hot. Like, it's hot, but I'm not a baby about it. Oh, it's just so oppressively hot. And he finally sits down. He's squirming around. I can't. I can't get comfortable in this chair. It's just overheating. I'm like, I don't know what's wrong with you. Where the air conditioner's on. What's going on? I don't know, but I'm burning up. And then he sees the little. The thing you click with all of its orange. Yeah, you got the sea heaters on you, buster. I hit you whole day just bitching and crying about his legs being on fire. And I probably could have hurt him. That seat burned you in the winter. But we were right around, I guess, about 112th and Shea. So all the way from Camelback and 44th street to 112th and Shea, he's dealing with fire ass. And every time you prank a Scotsman, they end with, you bastard. It never ends with anything else. Well, and he didn't sue me. In fact, we were texting the other day, joking around. We're friends. Still. A couple of people in the restaurant business have said this one, they make the new guys go back there and drain the hot water out of the coffee machines. Right? That's a good one. Oh, I Love that. Anyway, practical jokes. I do like that one. Get a podcast together. I'm your man. You want me to do it? I won't charge you for the first one, but I will do your Nuclear Holocaust podcast that you can play for the new guy when he comes back from lunch. I think it's gold. You bastard. Oppressive. My favorite thing was he was literally hands on the side of the seat, feet. He's standing on it. I'm like, will you sit down if I stop fast? Why can't. The seat is so hot. It's oppressively hot. Like, it was oppressing his nature to be man. I can't sit in the seat. How you doing it? Like, I don't know. Volkswagen has some issues with the way they design this thing, so sometimes the sun hits it just stays hot. I don't think they were designed for the desert. That's not true. Rommel was a desert fox. These chairmans know about desert warfare. Then you get him off on politics. For a second, he wasn't so hot, and then he'd start squirming. I, I. We could have heard him. Torched him. You bust up Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station. 88 KUPD. The best of the Morning Sickness is on the air. Do any of you people do any actual, actual work? The Best of Holmberg's Morning Sickness guy emailed me and said, how did you not laugh your ass off while Thomas was. I did. And the funny part was that was making him more mad that I was laughing at how hot a seat was because I. It was a baby. It's one of the. Yeah, it's one of those jokes. It's like, what's wrong with you? And then I would. I pretend to be mad at him for squirming around, but sit down. I'm gonna put you in a child seat. I can't sit in this thing. It's like an oven. I never felt anything so horrible in my life.

[Brady]

His back was loose.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, and he was the best part. I wish I'd have had that on video. Sweat just pouring off of his head. Like, you gotta get. You gotta get your act together. We're about to golf for four hours. It's 112. If this hurts, I'm not gonna make it. Johnny. Johnny. This is the worst day I've ever had. And miles of him bitching. Oh, God, another red light. I can't take this. I'll sit in the back seat and. We cannot sit in the back seat. I'm not Driving Miss Daisy. Sit down and be a man. And then you could laugh. And I was. I was in tears laughing. I can't. And then he'd try to normalize like it was okay. That was a. They're building this new fries over here. I think it's just overkill. There's a safe way across. Ah, my legs are on fire. He would try to have a moment where it didn't bother him, but it was just too much. I don't know how you're doing it. It's your seat as hot as mine. Like reach over. Like. Get your hands off the driver. What's wrong with you? I can't tell what's going on. You got the seat eaters on, don't you? You bastard. I hate you. Anyway. I want to get him again. I gotta hang out with Thomas more. He's just a blast. I don't care. Whatever you want to pick. It's Thursday. It's the day before a three, four day weekend. Something easy. State of slow decay. Maybe in flames is always solid. Let's go with a little of that for Thomas's last in flames. Now I just want. Now all I want to do is prank Scotsman all day long. And he's never gotten me. I'll put that challenge out to Thomas. He's never once gotten me. Brady had a good prank for a while there on the golf course where he would just untie people's golf bags like every hole. And you'd drive away in the cart and your bag would fall the cart. And it takes about six times before you realize somebody's doing it. You just think the card's broken. That's a fun one. But then now golf clubs are a thousand dollars each. You can't start screwing around. Yeah. And people get really pissed off because heads will explode. It's there. Oh, and then Thomas and I forgot about that. Thomas and I pranked Megan that time. Let's get Megan. Is she whom like. No. She'll be home in a minute. I got an idea. Because I had just had these doors added to the back of my house that made it go right out to the back so it was wide open. I'll go stand outside in the backyard when she comes home and you say, hey, I think there's a guy back there. I did it. And I've never heard a scream louder in my life. And I thought she was gonna kill Tom. And all you hear is Megan. That's me. That's me. He's going to call the police. Stop screaming. Kill him. Kill Him. Kill him. You people are insane. You bastard. That was every prank he's wanted to do.

[Brady]

Oh, he pranked himself too at one time.

[John Holmberg]

Cuz he thought he got a sweet ride wasabi. Oh, no, the other got a white bronco. Oh, yeah, Years ago.

[Brady]

I'm like, you're going to get some comments on that one, Tom.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he bought a 94 white Bronco. He still has. I got my OJ died. You want to take that? I'm like, I never want to get in that. You can ride in the back. I got a mustache and a gun waiting for you. And then the time he came over to my house and thought I pranked him, but I didn't. When I had chicken wings and he went to dip it in the guacamole, which no one does. Only a Scottish person would think that's a good idea. He dipped it in the guacamole. And I came back out and he's laying in the yard crying. I said, what have you done, Johnny? What have you done? Like, where? Why? Why? Like tears rolling. I was like, I dip those wings. What's on those wings? As I dipped him in the guacamole and I can't see straight. My chest is on fire, like. Well, first off, no one dips wings in guacamole. And second, that's wasabi. Ah, I took a huge helping. I ate a pound of wasabi in his nose. Face. I think my nose broken. It makes you feel like your nose is gonna bleed. Crying his eyes out in the backyard. Who puts that next to wings? I'm like, who dips their wings in what they think is guacamole? I've never heard of that. I'm from Scotland. We eat the insides of sheep. And then there's the story that I talked about yesterday. That's now it's getting national attention and stuff about that dude that wandered into that house. They've called him the pedophilic burglar. You can stop at pedophile. You don't need that. You don't need to add burglar to that. You're a pedophilic burglar. And you come in and go, I'm the pedophile burglar. Right. Well, I'm gonna go guard the kids. You have at everything else. The burglar part doesn't bother me at all. What about the. Like, you can. You can have the word pedophilic in front of pedophilic hamburglar, and suddenly you're just handing that guy a bunch of Burgers going. Is this going to cover you for a little bit? Like a half of it? Pedophilic guy who cured cancer. You still have a few questions about the first word. He's just a pedophile. If you took a couple, you know, items off the shelf, consider yourself lucky that he didn't act on the first part of his title. But yeah, yesterday we were talking about it. He was in a person's kid's room. I thought it was a daughter. It's their son. Four year old kid. And he had his. He did, you know, and evidently the dad started to rough him up. I was talking about it because on next door app, all the comments were like, oh, good. Use violence in front of your 4 year old to show how it solves problems. Like, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Did you hear the pedophilic burglar was in the house? I'm using a whole bunch of violence on that. That's maybe the worst title of a criminal other than, like, I don't know, genocidal burglar, I guess. Maybe Even still, I think pet. Both are really bad. Burglar part. Not necessary. The pedophilic pickpocket. There's half of that is just not a thing. Pedophile, boom. Across the board. That's it. And evidently he made contact with the 4 year old that made it. So they're like, all right, we could consider this a sexy crime.

[Brady]

Confirming that he knew what was in the room, not that he was so drunk that.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he was that drunk too.

[Brady]

And that he's like in his mind because he's in the bedroom room, he's getting ready for bed.

[John Holmberg]

They. They caught him. He said, I don't know. I was so drunk, I don't know what I did. Yeah, so. But what you did is gonna get you the title pedophilic burglar.

[Brady]

That's gonna stack on there pretty easy.

[John Holmberg]

So you're a pedophile. Well, I'm also a burglar. I mean, like, that's the good part. Like, I'm stone. No, no, you're getting it all wrong. I'm more burglar than pedophile. Like, no, there's no degrees here. You're a. That's it. The pedophilic burglar. Burglar. Not a good band name.

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

I am the pedophilic astronaut. Thank you. I'm an astronaut. God damn it. I'm a hero. Nab at the whole thing. You said before that ruins everything. Proving my point once again that once you get Attached to that word at all. You are out on society. That's it. There's no comeback. None. You cannot be brought home, forgiven anything. I don't know. I don't want to forgive you. I don't want anyone to forgive you. Certain things are forgivable. That's one of them. You just know you're done here. You're touching kids, little four year old kids. You're breaking it drunk or other. I've been really drunk before. I mean really drunk. Never did pedophilia cross the the brain. Like I'm so drunk. Kids are hot. No, it's not the alcohol that does that. There'd be. I'd be all for banning it. Nobody gets so drunk that kids suddenly are on the radar. That's going. You're going into the game with that. It drops your already installed inhibitions. That's it.

[Brady]

You can understand to a certain level that one is probably too far. I mean, I had a friend in college that was so drunk he thought the turntable was the urinal. Lifted the lid.

[John Holmberg]

Sure, sure. I can see you peeing in the wrong place. Maybe a little bit.

[Brady]

Working it.

[John Holmberg]

Nuisance. Probably should lay off the sauce. He does dumb things.

[Brady]

But any other ones, you know, do it to that level.

[John Holmberg]

To me, drinking to excess like that. The worst that's going to happen is you're gonna do something you've always wanted to do sober. It's in your brain. This dude doesn't like going to the bathroom. He likes peeing. He wants to just go when he feels it. So he's like ah. And said I because I had a. My ex girlfriend. I talked to her a few years after we broke up. This was the one who wrote me the Adams letter. She came back. Imagine. And that was when she wrote the Bryan Adams letter. We broke up. We moved on. She did. I was a mess, she moved on. She ends up going with this guy who's a marine who in the middle of the night comes home drunk once. And this is why she wrote me the Bryan Adams letter. Comes home drunk and wakes her up and he goes, I could kill you anytime I want to. Then he went into the closet and started peeing. And then she wrote me the letter. Like right after. You weren't so bad after all, Junos. Why does everybody sign off like that? At the end of this beautiful letter she plagiarized from Brian Adams. It said, love Jacqueline P. S. Holy. Forgot how big your Juno was.

[Brady]

It saw. It happened at 4am she was penning.

[John Holmberg]

The letter at 6am 6am she's ready. I need to move in with Juno's. So we went to the closet. He peed all over her clothes and to me. I told her, too. And I think this. This didn't help the reconciliation. Although I got back in there once. That's why she wrote the letters, like, I can't live without that. I told her, I said, he was mad enough at you that he's always wanted to pee on your clothes. And the alcohol was his excuse to do it. You don't get so drunk ever to sit back and go, oh, I was out of control. It's something you've always wanted to do. That's why when drunk guys walk up to their bosses, they go, I want to tell you something. It isn't the alcohol. It's what's been stirring around in their sober brain for a long time. The alcohol says, go do it.

[Brady]

It's been called the truth serum. It's.

[John Holmberg]

It's sort of a truth serum. It's more of an inhibitions releaser. You're not necessarily telling the truth because you're babbling, you know, but you're saying.

[Brady]

Stuff that you normally wouldn't say.

[John Holmberg]

Extreme amounts of racism usually pop out of people and you're like, oh, he's been harboring that for a long time. That's how I know who. A real racist versus somebody who's like, not, you know, like me, like a bigot towards all people, whites included. But I've never been so drunk that I just start shouting out slurs and all that stuff. So always make me laugh. But, yeah, she had that guy, you know, That's a rough way to wake up. Is that the guy you're with after you're with an angel like me, wakes you up with a murder threat and then pisses on your clothes, sleeps off.

[Brady]

For a little bit. Good morning, honey. How are you?

[John Holmberg]

Why does it smell in here? Oh, did I get so drunk I pissed all over your outfit? Yes. I don't know what I was doing. He knew what he was doing. And then sober him's like, oh, I can't believe I actually did it. Been thinking about it. I said that, and then you act like you didn't know. But when you're a pedophilic burglar and you blame the alcohol, it's not the alcohol's fault. If alcohol did that, it would happen all the time. There's a lot of drunk people. Every day, they'd be like, oh, alcohol makes you a pedophile sometimes? Nope, You've been drunk, too. You've been blitzed. Been with Brett when he's staggering. Brett's weird about getting drunk because he turns a little bit into like a mummy. I knew I. Brett doesn't get stagger around screaming drunk. Brett gets that. I've killed a lot of people drunk. Yeah, yeah. That kind of thing where he just kind of gets. He's like, oh. He's like silent witness over there. He just stays quiet. Whatever happens around him happens. I remember I was at a wedding with Brett. Single, swinging dick. Brett was there, and I didn't know as he was as drunk as he was. And there was a chick at this wedding that was. Everybody's like, brett, congratulations. You are back on this. This is. You are going to hose for hours. This chick's totally in. Brett's hands were down to his side, and he's just kind of. He looked like a buoy. He was just kind of bobbing around a little bit like, I don't think Brett's here anymore. No, he's pretty much gone. And this girl's climbing on him like a jungle gym. Next day, I'm like, how was that? I. I just went right to bed. I didn't touch it. You got in the car with Ted the next day, threw up all the way home. But I've seen you super drunk, and you never once said, let's go to a playground. Because alcohol doesn't do that to you. You're already in somebody's clothes. Right? You're already a pedophile before the drinking. You just haven't acted on it yet. And the alcohol is the key to creepy. That unlocked that door. Alcohol does not cause the problem. You were the problem. And then you decided to combine the two. But pedophile, burglar. I don't care about burglar part.

[Brady]

What a combo.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, everything you can say, what a combo. You put pedophile before anything. It's what a combo. There's only one that matters. Pedophile murderer is the only one worse. You know, takes out his victims.

[Brady]

But originally I was there to steal. Then I wandered into a bedroom.

[John Holmberg]

Seeing as how I'm multitasking, I'm also a pedophile. And there was a floor 4 year old. So I put down the hummels and I went and tried to. And then the dad came in and started to fight me. Violence in front of children. How dare you? And that's where you have to just check the lady on next door. There was a couple of them who. Who had the Problem with the dad violently removing him and, you know, people saying you should have shot him in the head. Oh, violence in front of a four year old. That's a good like. Did you hear what they call this guy? The pedophile burglar. You want your. You don't think. You think it's worse that your kid saw some violence to fight off a pedophile than it would have been? What, is she supposed to go open the door for him and call him out like a puppy? Come on, let's go outside. No pedophilia inside.

[Brady]

I mean, if I do too. If I had time to say, hey, cover your eyes. Earmuffs. Daddy's got to get to work here real quick.

[John Holmberg]

I gotta start throwing some.

[Brady]

We're gonna go in the other room.

[John Holmberg]

Let me take the pedophile burglar out of your room. Hans. Bunny. Daddy. Oh, no, no, no, no. Violence doesn't solve a thing with the pedophile burglar. If you're in my house and I don't expect you in my house and it's like 2 in the morning, I'm going to assume you're a pedophile burglar. Game over. I'm making the worst assumption ever. And thanks to the news, I now can with a title. Oh, got one of those pedophilic burglars in the house and the guy's just there. No, no, I'm not a pedophile. I'm like, yeah, I don't trust you. I'm just a burglar. Not tonight. Just because there's no kids here. Always assume it's a pedophile burglar and rid them of the world or from the world.

[Brady]

He'll get more when he's in jail. Could have had a Picasso, but if it wasn't for that four year old.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I really got distracted in that. That millionaire art collector's house. Being a burglar, that's hard enough, but add in the pedophile part, there's some real, you know, I gotta stay focused. Damn it. I see a crib. I'm never gonna get all these Venus de Milos out of here. Yeah, that guy needs to just drop the burglar part from his card. You know, nobody ever puts like, rapist accountant. You're no longer an accountant anymore. You trumped it. It. You searched whatever. The second thing is I'm a murderer. Firefighter. Oh, not a firefighter anymore. This the worst. It's, you know, it's like having a minor in college. I majored in psychology. I minored in communications. Shut the up. Who cares what you aren't gonna do. It was my second. I don't care. Shush, shush, shush, shush. Majored in pedophilia, minored in burglary a little bit. So I dabble. I dabble. Yeah. Pedophilia in front of anything. You're pretty much done. So this dude. Yeah, they had him. They finally caught him. Him. They had him on video all over the house. I'm happy for. You know, literally, not a lot of people got hurt. Except I'm unhappy that the pedophile burglar isn't hurt worse. Like at least break an arm. Do something to the guy while he's climbing the fence. Take a bat. You gotta have a bat or a golf club or something. He needs a. You need to whack him one time. Yeah. You know. Oh, okay. So I guess your. Your child learns that if someone breaks into his room that the only way to solve that is through some type of violence. You're right. Absolutely. Yep. Anybody breaks into your room and you. You try to be a pacifist at that time, guess what? You're gonna become a victim quickly. I tried to talk him out of it, but there was just no reasoning with the pedophile burglar. You hear yourself, dumbass? Imagine that. Crazy. It's just banana. Wait.

[Brady]

Thank God we got him because. Yeah, it'd be like the Paradise Valley. The 138 houses have been terrorized and pedophile and pedophiled.

[John Holmberg]

I. Like I said that you can't pedophile a house, but I see what you're going with.

[Brady]

It's a new description.

[John Holmberg]

Would they even care? Like, would you even report that he broke into our house? They touched my son. There's also a few things missing. It's like. Oh, wait a minute. Well, really. What? I checked after the sun got pedophile Brady says now. I went around, I guess got my PlayStation too, by the way. It's pretty pissed off. He's a pedophile and a burglar. You don't care about what gets stolen. There's only one thing that matters here. Stupid. Yeah, Your business car says pedophile slash anything. You're not the anything part, Emmy. World renowned oncologist slash pedophile. Oh, okay. We don't care about your cancer research anymore. More. I'm an actor. Can I take your order, please? I'm a pedophile actor. Start you guys off with some drinks. What? What? What? What? What? I like to act But I'm waiting tables. That's what actors, actors are all waiting anyway. So I ask of, I ask of our jail listeners just one thing. Don't cut them any breaks for being a burglar. Don't try. Just you know what to do. You. You boys know what to do. Sending the sisters in after him when the pedophiles burglars show up to the cell. You boys know how to handle it. And then next door, app lady who's got a problem with, you know, not trying to call in a social worker and chat down the situation with the pedophile burglar, just know this, the justice inside those gray walls, that's what most of us are feeling. And that guy's not gonna make it through much jail as a pedophile burglar. And how dare you, pedophile burglar, disparage the good name of alcohol by trying to make that the reason why you have these feelings. That has nothing to do with it. I had three drinks last night watching baby reindeer and never once thought this is a good idea. Alcohol doesn't, doesn't make you do bad things that you didn't already want to do. Certainly isn't any creation or excuse for pedophilia or burglary for that matter. Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station. Cease and desist at once. The rest of Homburg's morning sickness. This is the big Red Radio. Hey, everybody, it's John Holmberg here. This entertainment drill that was from the past is brought to you by our [e-mail] the home of tactical Black. A couple days left for that super holiday special they got going on right now. Two months of training for $199. That's unheard of for personal training. Amazing prices for all they have to offer. Check out everything they've got [e-mail] then them a call and head on over to Glendale. Head on down to Phoenix and get yourself in shape and ready for the new year. Start being a sheep dog. Stop being a sheep. Reactdefense.com the home of Tactical Black Brady from the past. Entertain me. And also before Brady gets into it, and I know you probably got a full segment. We can't spend a lot of time on the Julio Fulio murder that happened this weekend. I know it's sad when someone dies, but when your name is Julio Foolio, I can't help but laugh. Julio Fulio, you remember the old like newscaster of Tom Brokaw. It said tonight in Florida Julio Fulio was killed. That's not funny. Julio Fulio murdered senselessly at the age of 26. Other members of the Julio family like okay, this is funny. And then you see a picture of him. Look Larry, there's Julio Fulio. And I said who? So I know you're. You can skip those stories. We'll be here all day talking about Julio Fulio's career.

[Brady]

Killing him.

[John Holmberg]

Julio Fulio, he loves that joke. Got emails about the what would Brady do before we move forward and one of them was about the girl. The one eyed 23 year old who looks like she's 60. Why don't you sell a pirate patch to get out of there? This doesn't sound good if you're 23. Also very true. How do you tell her? Walk the plank. You get her off onto her little ship and you ever wander away girl. The patch for night deserves love but come on, not for me. Well, right. I mean I didn't say from one of us parlay then this guy says those Nigerian scammers hire models now and they'll facetime so you feel like it's real. It's actually called pig butchering. It's a scam that's real called pig butchering. I look too and he's right. They'll hire models in Nigeria to go we got this guy in the hook and all they're looking for is like a couple thousand bucks for flight which I guess goes a long way in Nigeria. I'm not sure of the currency transfer verbal. How about that? So if you've got a. If you're dating someone in Nigeria, today's the day you end it. Okay, I know it's not romantic. Aw, that's not how the world works. You're an idiot. You're an. No, it isn't. It's actually the biggest scam pulled over. Look, it's hallmark is romance and look what they did to it. It's one of the biggest scams in the history of man that romance is something you should actually lead with. No logic will always prevail. Romance blinds you to reality or no one would be dating a Nigerian and thinking about sending them an airline ticket. And you said it yourself in the email, I don't love anybody that much.

[Brady]

There you go.

[John Holmberg]

I currently live in a life where I don't. I don't care for anyone enough that if they call if Brady called. Hey, I need your help. I'm trapped in Nigeria. Been nice knowing you, bud. Lose my number, you gotta come get me. I don't you're gonna die in Nigeria if I'm your only hope. Nope. Good luck with that chief. I don't unlike what Brett said earlier in a scenario if Mathiah was lost in Nigeria and you were the only one that could help her. You said I met Mathia once. I'll meet another one. He's not wrong but I expect the same. On the flip side she would do the same thing. It's not, you know, it's not a one way street here. Where's the self awareness to sit back and go how did I get trapped in Nigeria? This is all my fault. I'm an idiot.

[Brady]

Other than the, you know, the laughter. Endless laughter from Brett.

[John Holmberg]

Mathia who as your wife Brett. I've been kidnapped and taken to Nigeria. Wow. What were you doing? Nothing. Who is he? Obviously you will. You led somebody to believe that you wanted to get on a plane to Nigeria. He poisoned me. You put yourself in that spot. I've seen the Sopranos. You guys blame the girls for everything. Yes.

[Brady]

Since you were asking. $2,000American money.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Is 2.89 million Nigerian naira.

[John Holmberg]

I don't think that's the right thing. But yeah.

[Brady]

You ask what what can the Nigerian naira bayou.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Costs about 35 cents American for a loaf of bread.

[John Holmberg]

Oh Brady local cheese. Yeah, but it's 41 cents. Yeah, but it's Nigerian. Nigerian cheese. That's coming out of a ladies cheese.

[Brady]

Rice, eggs, all that.

[John Holmberg]

40 cents a dozen for eggs made with human milk. And those very far. Those aren't chicken eggs. Egg. Whatever eggs they can find for an ostrich egg.

[Brady]

Potatoes are kind of pricey. They're 50 cents a piece.

[John Holmberg]

How dare they charge for food over there?

[Brady]

Good cost of living. The minimum recommended amount in US dollars for food in Nigeria per day per person.

[John Holmberg]

17 cents.

[Brady]

$7.41.

[John Holmberg]

That's pretty good for Brady. About 1535. Where's the via shack around here?

[Brady]

Monthly on average you would expect to pay 225American for food in Nigeria.

[John Holmberg]

For all the food for the whole month.

[Brady]

For all of your food.

[John Holmberg]

You're like going to a grocery store.

[Brady]

Once a week here summer vacation.

[John Holmberg]

That's my Jordache from Potbelly for God's sake. Just with all the fees. You guys are gonna love Nigeria and we're gonna eat like kings.

[Brady]

Now here's hope you like people cheese. Here's what it says. If you're from Asia and you go to Nigeria where your food types are different, you would only spend $180 a month to eat like an Asian in Nigeria.

[John Holmberg]

Eat like an Asian.

[Brady]

Eat their food types.

[John Holmberg]

That's a great album name. Like an Asian. I like that. It's a song or an album. Eat like an Asian. Yeah. You got to add that in there. Eat like an Asian. We can rewrite this whole thing. I don't care about how Asians eat. I don't care about how Nigerians eat. I care about how. Johnny, I'm trapped in Nigeria. What? The connection's bad. Hi, A.T. t. I need to change my number. Wow. All right.

[Brady]

According to this. Let me do the quick exchange rate here. It's 140 million naira in Nigeria for.

[John Holmberg]

That just sounds bad. Yeah, it does. All right. Who cares? Nigeria is a dump.

[Brady]

Just go with clams.

[John Holmberg]

And if you've got a. Yeah, clams. Or Somalians. And Nigerian money is called Somalians. That's Somalian money. I guess.

[Brady]

97,000 for a house?

[John Holmberg]

Kind of.

[Brady]

Is that a yurt or is that a. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

What are we looking at? Yeah. Can you pull up Zillow on that?

[Brady]

Actually, yeah. Do we have running water?

[John Holmberg]

I've never seen that on. International House Hunters. Their trip tonight. Hopkins on the phone. Let's find out what this. Nigerian houses are. 97 grand for a house. Jesus. I can get two in Maryvale for that. I don't know where I'd rather be. Nigeria. Nigeria. Safer.

[Brady]

This is a four bedroom terraced duplex.

[John Holmberg]

I don't believe that's in Nigeria. That's Albuquerque. Those pictures are lies luring you. Lagos. It's in the main city. Nope. Nope. Here's your pictures. I don't need them.

[Brady]

Marble floors.

[John Holmberg]

Nope.

[Brady]

Look at that modern kitchen.

[John Holmberg]

That is bait. That's making you think Nigeria is pretty great. Don't fall for it. Be a bigot.

[Brady]

You can get a nice house.

[John Holmberg]

No, you can't. I got more Julio Fulio news.

[Brady]

What?

[John Holmberg]

Breaking. Breaking. This just hit breaking. Julio Fulio information. Julio Fulio evidently made a video of himself dancing on another rapper's grave that was killed on his birthday. Julio was then killed on his own birthday as well.

[Brady]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

Oh. Julio Fulio. Mistake number one. Oh, Julio.

[Brady]

Everybody knows you don't play that.

[John Holmberg]

You don't do that. You know why I know that? I could move my house currently that I like quite a bit. Right. To Nigeria. And you know why? That's not a nice house anymore. It's in Nigeria.

[Brady]

You don't know that.

[John Holmberg]

I do know that they sell bread for 30 cents.

[Brady]

92, 000 for this. For this one. Four bedroom, semi detached.

[John Holmberg]

Give me the street view because that's just a close up of the house.

[Brady]

Well, you can see the street there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I was just gonna say you can see the dirt. You do one 360 degree view of that. I'm gonna tell you, I ain't moving. Let's get the Google maps on here.

[Brady]

The reason why we don't see that on House Hunters International.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I said. Brady, where have you been today? Jesus Christ. What happened to his ears?

[Brady]

If you've been to Rocky Point, this looks like many of the places in Rocky Point that are unfinished.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you. Enough said. All right.

[Brady]

By that crib, let's get right to the entertainment.

[John Holmberg]

Entertainment drills. Brought to you by our [e-mail] the home of tactical Black self defense.

[Brady]

Again with the marble floors.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. They should probably start an Internet thing at React Defense. So you idiots stop falling for these scams to defend yourself from Nigerians that are trying to get plane rides. And it's your favorite thing, bars on the doors. But basically we're talking about the same thing. That's not Maryville. We're talking about making yourself a victim. Somebody says, hi, I'm from Nigeria, want to talk? And you say, yes, you've made yourself a victim. You've been interviewed for a job you don't want. And guess what? You got it. Let's get back to more Julio Fulio news, though. You got more? No, I just. I'm sure there's more. I'm sure there's more to come. Julio Fulio. I would just love it if the news mattered. Still tonight, I take you to Florida where the death of Julio Fulio has a nation in shock. Tom Brokaw reports on the Julio Fulio. You can't be Julio Fulio and have me take you seriously, even with when you're killed. John, did you hear about the Death Star? How about that? Gordon just walked in.

[Brady]

Death Star, Mr. T chimes in. He pities the Folio family.

[John Holmberg]

Don't say that, Brady. All right, that is kind of funny. I'll give him that one. That's pretty fun. Maybe it's the Claritin. Maybe it's the the. All right, let's be done. Yeah, I'm done with you guys. That's enough. Fulio. Julio Fulio news. Well, more Julio Fulio news coming out on the Larry McFeely Show. I didn't know that about Julio Fulio. Two things I learned this weekend. Julio Fulio. I just learned about. He's dead now, and someone named Werza Regita can sell out the Footprint center two nights in a row with salsa music. Not salsa music. Like, literally. Get me some more salsa music.

[Brady]

Isn't that what the Pope got in trouble for saying?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that is. That was kind of the drop the music part.

[Brady]

Just give me some more salsa.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. Could you just kill it with the horns and the big guitars and go get me some more chips, please? Because this is annoying.

[Brady]

Ultimate classic rock put together. Ranked the 50 greatest power ballads in rock history ever.

[John Holmberg]

Power ballads. So more than words isn't considered a power B. I can't fight this feeling.

[Brady]

That was REO and that came in at number 11.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, geez. Oh, no.

[Brady]

That was Keep on loving you faithfully.

[John Holmberg]

Faithfully's gotta be up there. What?

[Brady]

Faith? Faithful. Faithful fully is a number 12.

[John Holmberg]

Sorry. Home sweet home.

[Brady]

Home Sweet home is in the top 10. Number six.

[John Holmberg]

It's a I'll remember power battle.

[Brady]

I'll remember number 10, heaven. Brian Adams.

[John Holmberg]

Ev. Every rose has its thorn. November Rain.

[Brady]

Every rose. November rain is number three.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Now we're cooking. Yeah.

[Brady]

Airy rose is number 19.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. All right. What's number one?

[Brady]

Number one, purple rain. Prince.

[John Holmberg]

Ah, come on.

[Brady]

Number two. Alone heart. Number three, November rain. Number four. Don't stop believing.

[John Holmberg]

There you go. Number five.

[Brady]

I want to know what love is. Foreigner. Number six, home sweet home.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Brady]

Number seven. Dream on.

[John Holmberg]

Eight.

[Brady]

I'll do anything for love. Nine. Sister Christian.

[John Holmberg]

All right. All right. That's pretty range. All right. That's pretty simple. Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.